#before you ask yes i googled art quotes and that came up when i first made my gpose set a year and a half ago QOEIGJAWOIE.

[dornish-queen]

Pedro Pascal - La Vanguardia

With Javier Peña's mustache as his hallmark, the 'Narcos' and 'Game of Thrones' actor is filming in Budapest with Nicolas Cage and Paco León

Pascal, cultured, seductive and reflective, repeats as Loewe's ambassador for its Solo Mercurio perfume and is a model for 'Magazine Lifestyle'

SYLVIA MARTI   12/13/2020 06:00

 Casual striped jacket, tousled hair, exquisite punctuality, and a room in Budapest. There is something about this man, generous in smiles and answers, great talkative, attractive without clichés. Pedro Pascal, 45 years old and face success. He shot The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent in the Hungarian capital with Nicolas Cage and Paco León, who apparently encouraged the show a lot; We see him without seeing him in the Star Wars universe as a galactic bounty hunter in The Mandalorian and he is Maxwell Lord, the eighties villain of Wonder Woman 1984 , perhaps the only blockbuster that, if nothing goes wrong, will make us happy Christmas.

Session in Budapest The Chilean actor shoots 'The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent' in the Hungarian capital with Nicolas Cage and Paco León

(full article and photos under the cut)

Chilean by birth, his family left the country fleeing the Pinochet dictatorship when he was a baby. Brief passage through Denmark and new life in San Antonio (Texas). Normal when speaking in your mother tongue some words in English slip through. Think before answering a question without losing spontaneity or being afraid of silence. An art. 

There is still Javier Peña's mustache, which catapulted him to fame from Narcos , and you can recognize that little point of joyous irony of Prince Oberyn Martell, who almost ended the Mountain in Game of Thrones . Two roles that have opened doors that he has managed to keep safe from slamming doors and have allowed him to skip the toll of stereotyped roles. Today Pascal, well trained in theater and loved by the cameras, can do whatever he wants. Even dedicating a Saturday to star in a fashion shoot and speak exclusively for Lifetsyle Magazine .

"Nobody knows me but everyone thinks they know me," he said when he debuted as the face of Solo Loewe perfume. Introduce yourself with four words.”

I do not define myself only by them, but I am contradictory, faithful, loyal, sensitive and, at times, a bit geek.

What would surprise me about you if you knew him better?

That although I live life and enjoy family, friends and social connections a lot, I have a lonely point. I like having my space and the option of staying a day at home in a relaxed and cocoon plan .

“Even though I live life and really enjoy family, friends and social connections, I have a lonely point.”

With Covid-19, many of us are already a little tired of staying at home ...

Yes, now that I don't have much choice to go out, I'm afraid of not being able to go back to the theater, to a party, to a dinner with many people ... I really regret those times that, instead of going out, I stayed at home.

Which character has left the most impression on you?

I miss Peña, from Narcos . It was my first leading role, the first time I had time to develop the character, create his energy, his style ... They gave me a lot of freedom to shape it, even if it was based on a real person. I was able to work on it, make it my own, create the tone, invent and deepen.

Do you easily get rid of them when filming is over?

When I was younger I was very clear that they had to be left at work, that the character had to be separated from the person. I thought that with age it would get easier and easier but, surprisingly, the opposite happens to me: it gets harder and harder. Energy cannot always be organized the way we would like and I have to admit that I take some of my characters home with me.

Have you incorporated any of their phrases into your life?

Maxwell Lord has a very attractive in Wonder Woman 1984 : "Everything is fine, but it could be better."

Very eighties. Like the one Gordon Gekko said on Wall Street (1987): "If you want a friend, buy yourself a dog." Have we advanced or are we already for the fourth pet?

We have come a long way. I am very inspired by young people, their strength to face in an original way that win, win and win system that reached a monstrous level in the eighties. Today's young people go deeper into the need to respect a planet in which we all live together and the obligation to take care of it.

“Young people inspire me, they deepen the need to respect a planet and the obligation to care for it.”

I see you optimistic ...

I am a realistic and hard-working optimist. My first impression is that the glass is half empty, I have to find arguments to see it half full.

Is it true that you drew the comic strips to interact with them as a method to immerse yourself in your character in 'Wonder Woman 1984'?

I made a book with images from the eighties and sixties, comic book drawings, papers, erasers, colored pencils, markers and vignettes to better understand what it was to be a man of that decade, how his attitude was forged ... It was a way to focus to live up to what Patty (Jenkins, the director) asked for, which was a lot, and not lose sight of it. I'm a horrible cartoonist, but I had to do something practical to study, understand, and develop the character.

What does a script or a role have to have to get their attention?

Sense of humor. Even if it is a drama, a hero, a villain ... Humor immediately hooks me.

A good shield to go through life ...

The best. It is the most important thing to survive.

Do you remember the last time you laughed out loud?

Paco León immediately came to mind. When he's on set, here in Budapest, we are all happier and we laugh a lot. The entire production loves it. It has made filming more fun.

“When Paco León is on set, here in Budapest, we are all happier and we laugh a lot”

 What fascinates you most about the Star Wars universe?

Nostalgia, the huge audience it has, the ability to reach so many people. It reflects our childlike imagination without limits. Create more and more worlds with all kinds of people and species. He is capable of casting the universe

What is your definition of success?

Have a healthy relationship with yourself. Nothing matters if you don't love yourself.

What would you have done if you had not succeeded as an actor? Did you have a plan B?

No. Perhaps the only thing that could have been useful to others is acting as a literature teacher, as a counselor or advisor for people who need help ... I am a bit of a therapist with my friends. And it must work, because they come back. I have a lot of common sense.

What is elegance to you? Has your relationship with Loewe influenced the way you dress?

In that of elegance I am a student, I am learning. I wear what is comfortable but I also have very finite taste and, when motivated, I really like to express myself with style. And when it comes to style, Loewe is on top of everything.

Something material that would save from a fire.

A book. I always have one on hand. Now I am rereading The Magic Mountain , by Thomas Mann. Literature is one of my passions. It is an extension of life. The problem would be to choose only one, there are so many! My identity is made by inspirations from authors, actors, dancers, the art world, the sea ... There is no self without the influence of all the things that inspire me.

“The sea is what I like the most in life. I have respect, curiosity and love for him on a religious level.”

The sea…

It's what I like the most in life. I have respect, curiosity and love for him on a religious level.

If he gets lost, I know where to look for him.

On a boat in the middle of the sea, on an island, on the beach in Chile ... Everything related to water. One of the first smells I remember, although I don't know if it's too attractive, is the chlorine in the pool.

What is your fastest way to disconnect?

Losing your mobile phone. I fell down the stairs in Dubrovnik and at first it was like, "Oh noooo." But then I thought, "Well, a week without him." I had a certain feeling of liberation. Not having to be aware of e-mails, messages ... I find it very strong that people communicate even through a direct message from Instagram. I refuse.

Now that you quote them, how are you getting along with the networks? (He has 1.5 million followers on Intagram)

I am quite active, I use it when I have a good time, but also to express myself and to give my opinion.

“I will say goodbye to the year with a kiss and raising the middle finger. He has treated me well but the collective suffering and fear this year….”

What is your favorite word?

Oxymoron. I like its meaning and its sound

Who would you like to shut up, as you did in the first Loewe Solo ad?

Personally, I would love to shut up that heavy, bad voice, the imp that we all have in our heads. That it's nice to have him and that, and I know he will never go away, but it would be nice if he shut up sometimes. Collectively I think we would all like to shut up one person.

Trump?

I suppose.

What have you learned from this rare year?

That you cannot live without human contact. For me the deep and simple connections with my friends and family is the only thing that matters.

How will you fire him?

With a kiss and raising the middle finger. He has treated me very well but the collective suffering and fear this year….

*article translated with google chrome. Source of article*

#Pedro Pascal #jose pedro balmaceda pascal #la vanguardia #magazine article #article #magazine lifestyle #maxwell lord #ww84 #the mandalorian #din djarin #lavanguardia.com

[amberwild420]

one step back, two steps forward (pt. 7)

masterlist

Dragon and snake and the chaos

Classes went on without a hitch, Lila didn’t returned after the first humiliation. Alya who was still glaring at Marinette despite all that went down, but Marinette ignored her.

 She realized a lot of things now. Like how if they were really her friends then they would never had just believed the liar and started bullying her. If they were really her friends they would have asked her permission and asked for help not demand her to be at their beck and call.

 She needed to talk with Tikki. And about Adrien being chat noir. She needed to take away his miraculous. There is nothing more problematic than her black cat being corrupted because he wasn’t the true cat. She needed to find one. The faster the better.

Lunch time came rather faster and both girls walked out, not before stepping on the foot that sticks out to trip them or rather Marinette. The howl of pain made Kaylan smirk, and wink at the pink haired skater who glared at them.

 Are you not worried that they may become an akuma?

 Marinette became worried when she saw anger on Alix’s face. It was enough to attract akuma.

 I would rather they become akuma when they are angry than to bottle up all the emotions before exploding and become the deadliest akuma.

 Kaylan said pulling the girl out before heading towards the bakery. Stopping in front of stairs, she turned towards the designer.

My mom is a psychiatrist. Well……….more like a freelancer. Um….. She saw all the videos of the recent akuma. That’s the conclusion we came to.

 Marinette nodded and both started towards the bakery.

 The first akuma we faced was so full of negativity that even my mom felt it. As a psychiatrist she know when someone is bottling up negative emotions and she can definitely feel it. It’s like a second nature to her.

 So she told you that the akuma would be weaker if a person was not bottling up the emotion?

 Not exactly but, yes. The nurse that got akumatized……..she came at some point the very same day. My mom gave her a coping mechanism where she can let go of all her emotions and not get akumatized.

 Wait that can happens?

 Kaylan smirked. She looked smug. Was that a valid trick?

 Marinette looked like she wanted to say something but they reached the bakery.

 Mari-hime! It’s good to see you here.

 Ma-ma-Marinette. Your song is rather clear.

Turning they looked at the pair. The girl was Asian descendent. She had short navy bob and sharp brown eyes, that soften up at the sight of the designer but when they turned to Kaylan they turned sharper. She was glaring at her.

 The boy looked older than them. The dye in his hair was more prominent. He looked like a musician with his punk rock style. He looked rather calmer than both of them.

 Kagami! Luka! You came!

 Marinette quickly hugged them before gesturing toward Kaylan.

 Meet Kaylan, she is new to our class and sits next to me. And she’s my friend. I wanted to introduce her to you guys.

 Of course Mari-hime. I’m Kagami Tsurugi and I challenge you to a duel.

 Kagami! No!

 Kaylan Fox and I would be pleased to dual. Having a challenge always excite me no matter physical or mental.

 Please don’t!

 Poor Marinette kept looking at the girls who shook each other’s hand with as much force they could exert. None of their expression flattered.

The musician looked rather amused at their antic, when they released each other, he introduced himself.

 Luka Couffaine. Normally I would do the intimidation but if you can survive Kagami than I’m sure you can live mine.

 There’s no way I’m hurting Marinette. I would rather hurt those who hurt her. Someone like a certain liar.

 That caught their attention and they looked at her and then at Marinette. The designer sighed and nodded. The smiles that passed between three of them were all the same. Sadistic.

 Marinette regretted introducing them. She heard Tikki sniggering quietly before leading them all up towards her room. She really prayed that Lila can live with these three teaming up. They are all vicious individually and together they will be unstoppable. Just thinking about the chaos they will cause in the future makes her head hurt.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Kagami and Luka were head of MPS (Marinette protection squad). With Kaylan, their strategist for petty revenge, they felt that they can now work far better. Their stories of Liar turned to her becoming akumatized and lead to the conversation earlier.

 But seriously did that actually work?

 Marinette asked. While it might be a healthy mechanism to let go of the emotion for a limited time before composing themselves but with an emotional terrorist on lose it would be too good to be true.

 My mom and I do it every day.

 She giggled picturing how ridiculous they must have looked.

It’s more like letting all your stress, anger and frustration out in one big scream and then drink some water to cool down. It’s likely to attract akuma but once you have cool down it won’t be attracted to you.

 (yes. this works. letting out your frustration by screaming, loudly cursing and angrily punching the pillow, can help you cool down faster. I tried all of these. and I felt far lighter than before.)

They frowned, still not believing at her. She shook her head with a smile before taking out her phone and calling someone.

 Hey mom, do you have something on the schedule for today?

 The trio raised their eyebrows.

 ………………

 No I mean are you free or do you have an appointment or …….

……………………..

 Yes but number increased to three.

 ……………….

 I still need to ask if they are free, hold up. Hey, I know it’s on short notice but can you make time for dinner today?

 She looked at Marinette who stood up and ran to her parents. Kagami and Luka took out their phones to call their parent.

 I can make time!

Marinette came running before bending to catch her breath. Luka nodded too. Kagami was looking a little reluctant but when Kaylan gestured she passed the phone to her.

 Moshi, Moshi, Tsurugi-san!

 ………………..

 Kagami looked alarmed but focused at the girl talking to her mother.

 Kaylan Fox. Kagami o yūshoku ni shōtai shitakatta nodesuga, de~yuaru mo yakusoku shimashita. Kagami ga watashitachi no yūkō-tekina kyōsō no tame no jikan o tsukuru koto ga dekiru koto o hontōni nozonde imasu.

 (I don’t know a speck of Japanese, I’m just using google translate and if you find some thing wrong with the translation blame google, not me)

(Kaylan Fox. I wanted to invite Kagami for dinner and we even promised for a dual. I really hope Kagami can make time for our friendly competition.)

  ……………….

Tokuni arimasen. Shikashi, yori budō ni katamuite imasu.

(Not particularly. But more inclined towards martial arts. )

 …………………

 Mochiron chigaimasu. Watashinohaha wa seishinkai de, keganin ga inai koto o kakunin dekimasu.

 (Of course not. My mother is psychiatrist and can make sure no one is injured.)

 …………………

Mattaku chigaimasu, mama. Watashi wa machigainaku jibun no kachi o shōmei suru jikan o tsukuru koto ga dekimasu.

 (Not at all, mam. I can definitely make time to prove my worth.)

 ……………………

 Arigato, Tomoe-san.

The call ended and Kaylan turned to her own phone.

 Sorry for the wait but yeah all of them are coming.

 ………….

 Just dinner. Sleep over have to wait. Boundaries mama. Respect the boundaries.

 ……….

 Sure. Take care and don’t stress. The last thing I want for you is to become an akuma.

She turned to the trio, taking in their various level of surprise.

 What?

 You managed to persuade Tomoe-san/my mother?

 Both girls spoke at the same time but Kaylan still under stood.

  It wasn’t that hard. When I said I would come and prove my worth as her daughter’s friend and the mention of our competition, she was very much persuaded. By the way I got her number and she invited me for another match at your place.   Hope you don’t mind.

Kagami shook her head. The small twitch of her lips didn’t go unnoticed. True Tomoe-san is rather strict with her daughter but when it comes to good influence and worthy friends she lets her daughter keep the company.

 It’s good to have someone who can speak Japanese. They’re just learning.

 Kagami gestured at the other two.

 I speak a lot of languages. English isn’t my first one. We move a lot. So learning language is rather compulsory to make sure I don’t get ‘tricked’.

(language barrier can be a reason why tourists get scammed.)

She air quote tricked.

 Japanese was my third language, right before English. First it was Chinese because I was in Beijing at that time then it was Hindi because a few of my mother’s family member were in India and I learnt it while we had contact with them and I took French when we were in America. So yeah!

 She shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal, but turned her gaze towards Kagami, looking at her expectedly. The said girl smiled and started counting.

 I speak Japanese, French, English, Chinese and I’m learning Mandarin.

 I speak French, Chinese, I’m learning Mandarin and uncle Jagged and penny are teaching me English. Kagami is teaching me Japanese that’s for now.

 French, English, learning Japanese. If you count me swearing like my mother then the sailor language

.

Now that’s a language we have to be wary of.

 The amused chuckle that left her lips initiated the laughter session before they started to get to know each other before they return to school.

 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The classes after lunch were quick to pass with a few glare here and there but no ne dare to openly antagonize the young designer. Especially now that Lila wasn’t there to fan the flames.

 Seems like the morning humiliation was more than enough to keep her down.

  Kaylan mused before listening to the teacher.

 _______________________________________________________________

Okay she was wrong! Like really, really wrong!

 So let’s backup.

 The day without Lila was rather peaceful. I mean if there is no liar to fan the flames then there is no new rumor and no one glaring at them or rather at Marinette. Well the morning humiliation was something.

 Marinette sighed and relaxed when the last bell rang, with no Lila and fake friends around she had so much time.

  Marinette! How could you?!

Aaaaaand there goes the peaceful day she hoped. She must be really tired or angry because she scowled openly at her former best friend.

 What did I do this time Cesaire? Lila isn’t even in the class. What did I do to her this time?

 She isn’t here in the class that’s why you sent her nasty texts! She sent me the screen shots of all nasty things you have said!

 And yet she still doesn’t wants to file a cyber-bulling complaint.

 Ah! Maybe that’s why she talked back. Kaylan stood right behind her, putting her chin on Marinette’s shoulder smiling coldly at the class in front of them. They looked rather intimate.

Tension rose to the roof and the temperature dropped several degrees making several of them shiver. Alya gritted her teeth shoving the fear at the back of her mind.

 Well maybe because Lila is too nice for her own good and didn’t want Marinette to get in trouble.

 And yet, you the ever so poetic justice, still want to trouble Marinette.

 The bluenette giggled before covering it up with a cough. Kaylan had so many comebacks that she could never get tired of listening to them.

 Many of their classmates shuffled nervously. Sure Lila had said a lot of times that she didn’t want Marinette too be trouble but Marinette needs to know what it was like to be bullied. Before any of them could say anything, Kaylan lightly pushed Marinette towards the door.

Before they can make their way out, Kaylan said.

 Oh and Cesaire! Be a bigger person and a good example. I’m sure Marinette can be nice if you show her how to be a good example.

 They left the school halls before any of them could comprehend.

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#miraculous ladybug #one step back #two steps forward #original character #ml salt #class salt #marinette needs a hug #marinette protection squad #someone give Marinette a hug

[kuiperblog]

DRPGs: function over form

I have an odd affection for DRPGs, or “Dungeon-crawling Role-Playing Games,” which are sometimes referred to as “Wizardly clones” in the same way that early FPS games were called “Doom Clones.”

Legend of Grimrock is an indie game that I’ve found is closest to actually emulating the feel of the original Wizardry games from an aesthetic perspective while updating them for modern graphics; most of the examples from recent history are Japanese and feature anime-style character designs, with Etrian Odyssey being perhaps the best-known (and best-selling).

I describe my affection for DRPGs as “odd,” because few other games have the ability to thoroughly captivate me for the time I’m playing, only for me to completely forget everything about them when I’m done playing them.

For example, I recently noticed that Demon Gaze 2 was on sale for 75% off in the Playstation store. I’m keen to try it out, since I enjoyed the first Demon Gaze game so much that I took the time to 100% (I earned the “platinum trophy” so that anyone on my Playstation Network friends list can see the evidence of my achievement). This is a task that reportedly takes around 50 hours. I say “reportedly” because it’s based on other people’s reports of how long it took for them to “platinum” the game; I can’t really recall from memory how much time I spent playing that game, or really anything else about it for that matter.

I cannot express how weird it is for me to not have a memory of have any specific memories of playing a video game, especially one that I spent that amount of time playing. I can still vividly remember a specific game of Dota 2 that I played over half a decade ago. I could talk for paragraphs about an indie puzzle game that I played for 2 hours in 2012. You could ask me to talk about any of the N64 games I played as a middle schooler and I could probably recall many specific memories from the time I spent with those games.

And yet, when it comes to Demon Gaze, I remember nothing. Not the characters, not the plot, not any of the specific milieus or setpieces. And, truthfully, it’s probably because caring about any of these things is never really something that the game asked of me in the first place. I earnestly tried to remember anything I could about Demon Gaze, and here is a full, comprehensive list of what I came up with:

There’s an NPC whose character trait is that she’s always sleepy. I think she lived in the basement of...something. I think your “home base” was an inn, and she lived in the inn’s basement, and you would sometimes have to talk to her to do certain things or something.

One of the levels had plants and was mostly green. Maybe multiple levels, actually. I want to assume this meant there was a hedge maze, but I’m not actually remembering a hedge maze; I’m just assuming that a dungeon-crawling game plus a green area must mean there was a hedge maze.

One of the levels involved climbing a tall tower, or maybe descending into a deep pit. There was definitely verticality involved, and the map was cylindrical.

I think the main character used swords. But maybe they didn’t. I’m pretty sure that you could dual-wield at a certain point in the game. (I think part of what made the main character so strong was the fact that they could equip an artifact that let them dual-wield?)

That is truthfully and honestly the full extent of what I remembered about the game before I started writing this post and digging up screenshots which reminded me of the main character’s heterochromia. When grabbing screenshots for this post, I found one that showed a character’s class as being “Paladin,” and my reaction was not, “Oh yeah, Paladin was totally a character class in this game,” but “Oh yeah, Paladin totally sounds like a character class that could plausibly be in this game.”

Normally, I’d have memories of specific boss battles, or setpieces, or characters, or story moments. But in place of those, I have memories of looking at Google Sheets that people had made to list all of the items that dropped from certain areas, and ranked them to let you know which items were the best. I could more vividly tell you the decor of the room I was in when I unlocked the platinum trophy than the final boss I beat (or item I obtained) to unlock it. (Being a game for a portable system like the Vita, I actually have memories of many locations and “setpieces” associated with that game; just not locations in the game.)

DRPGs are, maybe more than any genre, a game that is experienced through a layer of abstraction, and I think this is best illustrated by the Etrian Odyssey, which lives in the DS family of systems, which are notable for having two screens (as is suggested by the name “Dual Screen”). Here’s a screenshot that shows what the game displays on both screens when you’re dungeon crawling:

On the top screen, you see the environment you’re exploring in all its 3D-rendered detail. On the bottom screen, you have a map of the area you’re navigating, with the arrow in the middle indicating your current position and orientation. And for the vast, vast majority of dungeon crawling, my attention is focused solely on the bottom screen.

This is, I gather, how most people play DRPGs. Etrian Odyssey puts even more of the focus on the bottom screen by forcing you to draw the map as you walk (hence the bevy of icons and paintbrushes it offers you when filling in the grid). If you try to play by looking at the environment, you’ll quickly realize how much of the area is just copy-pasted assets that are difficult to navigate by. The map isn’t just a “guide;” the game feels less like a first-person dungeon crawler and more like game with a top-down POV where your avatar is represented by that arrow on the map. If you watch gameplay videos and only pay attention to the top screen, you’ll be blown away by how fast it seems like people are moving, but it makes a lot more sense when you realize that people are only paying attention to the map: people will see, “okay, I want to walk north 5 tiles, turn 90 degrees left, then walk west 2 tiles,” and then just input that series of actions faster than the walking animation can actually play out on screen.

I’m half convinced that the reason Etrian Odyssey took off more than any other DRPG is that, due to being on the DS, it has an entire screen dedicated to the map, whereas in a game like Demon Gaze, your screen is mostly taken up with what amounts to decorative filler while the part of your brain that’s focused on gameplay has to focus on a mini-map in the corner of the screen:

So, perhaps you can understand how it is that I played this game for 50 hours, yet have no recollection of the scene/location depicted in this screenshot. It’s because close to 100% of my focus was on the mini-map. I experienced most of this game as an abstraction.

There’s a real sense in which DRPG players (I’m talking about myself here) want everything in the game to be an abstraction. The ideal length for a combat animation is “as long as it takes for me to read how much damage the attack did, so please just advance the battle as fast as I’m pressing the X button.”

Video games are inherently abstractions of real things, like the way that adding the pyramids to my build queue in Civilization V is an abstraction of what it’s actually like to build the pyramids in ancient Egypt, or left clicking in Counter-Strike is an abstraction of what it’s like to fire a gun, but they usually try to call back to the things that they’re abstractions of. Civilization gives you an inspiring quote from some historian describing the pyramids, and Counter-Strike tries to have animations and sounds that somewhat reflect the behavior of real guns. But in DRPGs, I don’t want the combat to be the simulation of my character swinging a sword on an enemy. All I care about is watching the numbers flash on screen, and the reward isn’t “you’ve triumphed over this vile forest-dwelling enemy,” it’s “the number on your exp meter went up.”

While games like World of Warcraft eventually become like this for a lot of people (a game with a hundred buttons that is all about managing cooldowns), you at least start from a place of walking your avatar around the world and performing actions that make your wizard look as though you’re casting a spell.  But most DRPGs start from the position of “all you care about is the numbers, right?” The game is an abstraction unto itself.  It is a game that is made for people who like looking at spreadsheets (and I most definitely spent a decent chunk of time looking at spreadsheets).

Maybe that’s why they can get away with having character designs often clash with the art style of the environment and enemies, and sometimes with the art style of other party members. Several of the character portraits in the above screenshot seem like they were drawn by different people, and there are some moments that, when you look at them in a screenshot gallery, make you think that the characters just don’t belong in the world they’re inhabiting. And while the game is sometimes visually non-cohesive in a way that becomes really obvious if you pay attention, the truth is that when you’re actually playing the game, you’re not really paying attention to all that.

For another example of this, I like to turn to Stranger of Sword City, which has a really cool aesthetic that hits you from the moment you pick up the box (or look at the title screen):

The original release of the game, on Xbox 360, was remarkably consistent with this specific style. But the Playstation Vita version of the game (which was later ported to PC)  gives you an updated character creator and your options include, well, a variety of options drawn in a variety of different styles.

I just looked at the screenshots on the Steam store page for the Stranger of Sword City and, well:

Yes, that is a Prinny in the bottom left corner. Yes, Nippon Ichi did publish this game, why do you ask?

I think one of the reasons I don’t tremendously mind the aesthetic choice (or is it a lack of choice?) in a lot of DRPGs like this to randomly have anime-style characters (even when they might be dissonant with the rest of what’s on screen) that I don’t necessarily need my paladin’s look to really communicate that they’re a holy warrior or whatever; I really just want them to be eye candy that I can appreciate in the moments when I’m distracted from the numbers. But in the end, it doesn’t actually matter that much, because, well...

DRPGs feel like they are all about function over form. (The “looking at the mini-map and not the 3D environment” is a microcosm of a playstyle that’s encouraged by a design philosophy that seems to apply to nearly everything in a “good” DRPG.) This puts them in stark contrast to, say, Persona, which involves a ton of dungeon crawling, but relies heavily on the style (which includes the battle music, the stylish combat animations, and the quips that your characters make in battle) to make that part of the game interesting.

When you down all of the enemies in Persona, part of the “reward” for that comes from getting to deal a bunch of damage to all of the enemies, but a huge part of the reward also comes from the feeling of visceral pleasure that comes in the moment when Akihiko senpai says “I’ve been waiting for this!” and you smile and agree and say, “Me too, Aki. Now give me that shot that’s so iconic it became a meme template.”

I probably would not have made it through dozens of hours of crawling through Tartarus in Persona 3 if Mass Destruction weren’t such a banger of a battle theme. But I spent just as much (if not more) time dungeon crawling in Demon Gaze despite not having Lotus Juice’s rap verses soothing my ears during those battles, which I guess maybe stands as a testament to how good Demon Gaze was at making the game fun?

Ultimately, the abstraction that every RPG leveling system gets toward is “your character gets stronger.” Maybe DRPGs are better than any other genre at removing any abstractions that would serve as a barrier between you and that goal.  And the best DRPGs also give you formidable challenges that give you ample reason to want to become stronger: games like Etrian Odyssey are notorious for their difficulty. I feel the difficulty is a bit overhyped; much like my feelings on Dark Souls, Etrian Odyssey only really feels “hard” when compared with other games where the player is never put plausibly close to a failure state whereas Dark Souls and EO actually punish the player for making mistakes, and EO also has the “X-factor” of having enough variance (due to things like random crits) that you actually do want to give yourself a decent margin for error. Which is to say, EO is one of the RPGs where you actually care a lot about having a team that’s strong enough to kill a boss in 8 turns instead of 10 turns, since that’s 20% fewer chances for an unfortunate event to send you back to home base. Powering up your team in EO feels important and significant way more than it does in a lot of other JRPGs.

There is a very real sense in which the entire point of the obligatory spreadsheet companion is to aid you in your quest to become the strongest you can be by breaking the game somehow. The thing I do remember about Demon Gaze (not concretely, but in the abstract) was that there were some item/class combinations that were wildly better than the alternatives. Some might deride this as poor balance, but in my eyes, “breaking” a game in that way is really more akin to “solving” it, in the same way that one might “solve” a puzzle. I did it: I found right combination of skills and items to trivialize the game’s difficulty! Huzzah! In a “well-balanced” game where all items and classes were all carefully tuned to be equally viable, such a thing would not be possible. Thus, what others might consider “poor balance” in some DRPGs is actually an essential and core part of what compels me to spend time with those games.

I feel like these factors and more make DRPGs somewhat unique in a way that probably contributes to them reviewing poorly. For example, if you look among discussions on DRPG forums about recommended games, there seems to be universal consensus that Stranger of Sword City is a great game (with many praising it as the best DRPG they’ve ever played), but on OpenCritic, only 45% of critics recommend it, and I think all of this is perfectly encapsulated by a 6/10 review from TheSixthAxis:

Stranger of Sword City excels at one thing, and really flounders at the others. It’s a rewarding experience if you’re a fan of challenging RPGs and gameplay depth. If you’re a fan of well-written dialogue, engaging music or proper difficulty curves though…well….there are a lot of other video games out there that may suit you better.

And that’s the kind of thing that makes me want to locate a guide, crack open a spreadsheet, and start a new save file.

Anyway, the Stranger of Sword City is on sale for 80% on Steam right now. That’s $4, for a game that I paid $40 for when it first came out on Vita! I’m tempted to buy it again, just for the convenience of being able to play it on my monitor without having to dig around to locate my old Vita TV.

#drpg #stranger of sword city #video games #nippon ichi #jrpg #atlus #persona #demon gaze #wizardry

[lov3nerdstuff]

How long is forever?

*Tom Hiddleston x reader*

Parts: Oneshot

Words: 4.2k

Genre: flufffff

Imagine: You catch Tom's interest at Comic Con

Request: by @my-mind-was-lostintranslation I rly hope this is something you will enjoy 💗 I just never end up writing requests the obvious way 😂

______________________________

You had been reluctant about agreeing to come along. Reluctant about the entire idea of going to Comic Con, about buying tickets for way too much money, about your somewhat-friends wanting to randomly crash with some people they would surely meet instead of getting an overpriced hotel, about your one friend making you wear this skimpy green Loki dress because she thought it would go along nicely with your tattoos and skin color. And still, some demon had planted the seed of hope in your brain and thus you found yourself coming along, hoping to meet the only person at this convention you actually found any interest in. Tom Hiddleston.

You were dressed as one of his characters after all, even if not entirely by choice. Sure, you had seen his movies and shows and enjoyed his acting quite the deal, but what truly fascinated you about him was his own person. His character and opinions, smart thoughts and deep questions. He just seemed like a person you would love to get to know, for surely he was more interesting than any of your other acquaintances (maybe even than the friends you were here with… it was more of a community of purpose than a real friendship after all). And listening to Tom's panel was probably the closest you would get to spending time with a kindred mind.

Unfortunately your friends were more the anime and manga kind of people, definitely more than you were at least, and thus you found yourself going to Tom's panel alone. You weren't one of those girls who would sell their soul to sit in the front, or to ask questions… no, you were content sitting in the middle of the room and just letting life happen around you.

As an artist yourself, you had originally been fairly interested in the artwork you would get to see here, but all too soon you had been severely disappointed by the few artists who had even bothered to come to a rather small con like this at all. That someone like Tom was present for the day bordered on a miracle, really, considering the size of the convention. Maybe he had been in the region for shooting whatever film he was currently working on?

As you sat in the middle of the audience room, waiting for the panel to start, you found yourself mesmerized by the lightning situation on stage. It hit the objects in such a way that they just begged you to be turned into art… and you didn't have anything else to do anyway. So, thinking that you maybe just should've gone to the museum instead of this convention, you dug a black pen out of your bag, along with a small blank paper notebook and started sketching with a content sigh.

Once the panel started, having someone else talk first before Tom would come on, you went on to also sketch the portrait of the panel's host and the first guest, for listening was just easier while drawing. And when finally the time had come, and Tom was greeted on stage with thundering applause, you found yourself smiling to yourself as you flipped the page of your notebook to start on a portrait finally worth drawing.

_______________

Tom was tired. Very tired indeed, as he had been urged to come to the convention impossibly early despite having spent most of the night traveling and doing interviews. And now he was to go out onto the stage and smile and chat with people while pretending not to fall asleep any minute. It had been easy enough to smile and say hi and bye in a sinus curve of repetition while signing pretty much whatever people had brought, but now he actually was supposed to talk some sense, and avoid spoilers, and preferably also do some subtle and appealing PR for his newest movie. However all he really wanted to do was to have a nice cup of tea and get some sleep. But this was work, and this wasn't even half as bad as his tired brain made it out to be. He liked talking to people, to fans and interviewers and host, after all and this surely would be fun.

So he really only had to fake a smile for the first three seconds as he walked onto stage, for he had to smile for real from then on. It was a smaller convention, but the room was packed nonetheless. He enjoyed the fact that he could actually see the audience for once, and not only a black pit of murmurs and occasional flashing lights. It made the whole thing way more pleasant, and as he shook hands with everyone and sat down, he actually felt comfortable and ready to have a nice chat.

He answered some questions about the movie he was working on, had a couple laughs with the host, and then some time to let his eyes wander through the audience while the other guest was being interviewed. It wasn't a habit, really, but he liked to count the number of character he recognized from people's costumes. It was a good way to check if his pop culture knowledge was severely lacking or only minorly lacking currently.

His eyes flew over the audience members quickly but intently, and he found himself smiling in excitement a couple times whenever he spotted someone dressed as Loki. But otherwise, the crowd wasn't unusual in any way, to his eyes… Until they fell upon a young woman in a green sleeveless dress, scribbling something into a journal. Her eyes moved from the stage to the book, back and forth, again and again, as her hand moved quicker than Tom could begin to follow. She had drawings, tattoos, on her shoulders and arms, but Tom couldn't really tell what they depicted nor if they were real or part of the costume. But he could tell that, as his eyes moved on over the audience, they were drawn back to her within seconds, again and again. He tried ignoring her, scanning the rest of the audience part by part, but it was of no use… his eyes would always revert back to the girl.

She was still drawing, or writing maybe… Tom couldn't tell. But the tiredness in his brain was washed away more and more the longer he watched her, inspecting both her actions and her appearance.

The dress probably was supposed to be a costume of some kind, but not a particularly good or detailed one… more of a jersey dress than a costume created with effort. Nothing that would cause his mind to cling onto her so much.

Suddenly every thought was stilled in the depth of his mind, as her eyes moved back to the stage and found his own. It had been merely accidental on both ends, he could tell by her surprised look, but now that their eyes had locked, Tom found himself unable to tear his gaze away. So did she, and they remained entirely focused on each other in complete stillness.

"Tom? You still with us, buddy?" The host's amused voice came crashing into Tom's muted mind and he almost jumped a little as his eyes left hers to look at his fellows on the stage. Gosh, he had completely forgotten that he was still very much on public display… no sleep wasn't too kind on his brain.

"I'm so sorry." Tom replied with an apologetic, breathless laugh. "What did you say again?"

For the next fifteen minutes, Tom answered the fans' questions. Ever so often, his eyes would flick back to the girl in the green dress for a mere second before coming back to the person he was actually speaking to. It wasn't very polite, he knew that, but he just couldn't stop himself, couldn't stop his mind from returning to her whenever chance allowed him. Unfortunately he didn't meet her eyes again, and the intriguing, time stopping experience from before remained a singularity.

Why couldn't she be asking him a question? Tom would've loved to speak to her, for whatever reason. Maybe just to hear her voice. Maybe to find out why he couldn't stop looking at her, wondering about her…

The questions that were asked, as usual, ranged from the boring things people could just have googled to the slightly more interesting things such as his favorite book quotes. But yet again, there was nothing all too interesting, nothing Tom really had to focus on too much. It was rare that people asked him things he actually needed to think about, but maybe that was due to the brief nature of the convention. Question, answer, next. In under a minute. Yes, maybe it was Tom himself who was too demanding in the things that would interest him. Still, he was grateful for everyone who bothered to come to his panel and to ask him a question, no matter how boring the question itself was. Just seeing the joy in people's faces when he answered them would be enough on most days to make him happy indeed.

But today, it wasn't enough. He found that while it did fill him with joy to see people being happy about his answers, he couldn't quite be content as long as he still hadn't spoken to the girl. At least hear her ask a question… since real conversation was so rare at con.

"I'm afraid we're running out of time." The host declared sadly, drawing Tom out of his thoughts. "That was the last question."

A loud round of disappointed 'ooh's from the audience made Tom smile ever so slightly, until his eyes met the girl's once more, causing his features to relax into neutral curiosity.

"Any last words, Tom?" The host asked dramatically, laughing at his own exaggeration.

"Actually…" Tom started, thinking that at least this once he would actually make use of him being a celebrity and thus having the ability to do a great deal of things that weren't planned and that would thereby cause chaos for other people. But he couldn't help it. "Actually, I would like to ask a question too."

"A question? To… to someone in the audience?" The host rose his eyebrows and Tom nodded, upon which the former continued. "Uhm, well, go ahead then. A question from Tom Hiddleston, everybody!"

People clapped and cheered for a moment and Tom turned in his chair to face the audience, to face the girl he was so keen on getting to know. Her eyes were back on the journal, jumping back back forth between the item in her lap and Tom on the stage.

"My question…" Tom started, heart picking up speed rapidly. What was he doing here…? Causing Luke problems, most likely. "My question is for the girl in the green dress who has been scribbling in her notebook for the entire duration of this panel. Twelfth row from the back, right in the middle."

The spotlight that had previously been fixed on the audience microphone moved over the crowd, until it halted right on the mysterious girl Tom meant to talk to. She looked up from her notebook immediately, looking around herself in mild panic first and then staring right back at Tom like a deer in the headlights.

Tom's stomach dropped, twisting in nervousness… he hadn't meant to make her uncomfortable, hadn't thought about putting her on display like that. Gosh, he really should've put more thought into this, he usually put way too much thought into everything… but now he had to follow through with it either way. What did he want to ask again…? Her eyes fixed on his had his heart skipping multiple beats and his mind fall silent for a moment… until he remembered that everyone was staring at him expectantly. He still hadn't come up with a question.

"Alright, my question for you is…" He paused very briefly, wondering how he could find out who she was with only one single question. But then again… maybe he only had to find out if getting to know her would be worth the trouble. "How long is forever?"

_______________

Murmuring erupted in the audience room around you, and your heart beat so fast that it almost jumped out of your ribcage. Was this really happening? Everyone was looking at you… some people were even filming the whole thing. And everyone was waiting for your answer. Great… How long was forever indeed? Right now, every moment that passed with Tom looking at you felt like an own eternity. That's when it clicked in your mind.

"Sometimes, just one second." You replied loud enough to be heard all the way to the front, actually pushing yourself to get over your nervousness. Easier said than done… you felt like fainting. Luckily you were sitting already, otherwise your knees just might have given in. And when Tom started smiling at you widely a second later, your insides turned into a mushy goo of nerves and excitement and tingles.

"Thank you." He said with the most adorable expression, and you bit your bottom lip to keep from grinning. Surely, you had noticed how he'd looked at you a couple times throughout the panel, but you had thought you'd imagined it. That he had looked at everyone that way.

But when your eyes had met, it had sent a bolt of liquid lightning through your veins, flooding your body with a new kind of excitement. Then he had gone on to say he meant to ask one single question to someone in the audience, and you had been sure it wouldn't be to you. Obviously you'd been wrong about that.

Almost in a haze, you observed how the host thanked Tom and the other guest for coming, before ushering both out of sight. The lights on stage went out, the ones in the audience room brightened, and people around you started to leave as if your heart hadn't just almost exploded.

Well, that certainly had been something. Didn't happen to you every day that people wanted to quote Alice in Wonderland with you, and even less that someone actually talked to you willingly, and still even less that this someone was a person you actually wanted to talk to as well. And yet even less that the person happened to be Tom Hiddleston. You closed your eyes for a moment to calm down.

Now that the adrenaline was slowly letting you breathe normally again, you flipped your notebook shut and stuffed it into your bag together with the pen, wondering why exactly he had asked YOU, out of all people, THIS question, out of all the things he could've asked. Your friends would never believe this.

Once you felt like you could actually walk again, you rose to your feet and made your way to the exit, only to be stopped by a hand on your shoulder.

With a frown you turned around, believing you might have lost something maybe, only to find a man in a suit standing in front of you. Your frown deepened.

"Excuse me, but you're the girl Tom asked that odd question, right?" He asked politely, withdrawing his hand from your shoulder the second you turned around.

"It wasn't an odd question, it was Alice's question to the white rabbit. But yeah, that was me." You replied before you could stop yourself from being a smartass, looking at the man curiously. He wore one of those badges that gave him access to the VIP and backstage areas… obviously he belonged to the staff. The suit alone was a poor indicator of that, after all… someone in a suit at Comic Con could also just be a man in black, or whatever incarnation of the doctor or anything really. His suit looked too expensive to be a costume though.

"Would you mind coming to the VIP area with me? Tom, that nut, begged me to do whatever it takes to get you over there and I really don't want to have him running around out here himself. Who knows what mischief he may cause..." The man sighed with a small smile and you felt your cheeks heating up. Tom wanted to talk to you. For real. What?!

"Uhm… Of course, I mean… sure?" You replied insecurely, and the man in the suit sighed in relief before walking ahead and motioning for you to follow. Three minutes later you had passed on into a different hall and ventured past a couple security guards, finally coming to an area that was completely closed off to the public. You felt only minorly nervous now, and mostly curious. Without a thousand people staring at you, it was way easier to think.

The man in the suit led you towards a group of people standing in a loose circle, talking and laughing. You actually recognized most of them from movies or TV shows as you quickly went over their faces, looking around until your eyes fell upon Tom. As he saw you approaching, his eyes lit up and he smiled in your direction.

"You owe me." The man in the suit said to Tom as you came to stand in front of him at last. "Don't do anything stupid."

"I would never!" Tom replied to him with a grin, upon which he rolled his eyes.

"I'm keeping an eye on you, Hiddleston." The man grinned back as he turned to leave again.

"That's what I'm paying you for!" Tom called after him, laughing and shaking his head to himself before finally looking at you with a small smile. "Hi."

"Hey." You replied, unable to keep from smiling yourself. "Did I answer correctly?"

"Oh, you did for sure. Don't worry."

"Good." You chuckled, looking to your feet for a second and then back at the man in front of you. Gosh, he really was too handsome for his own good.

"Am I making you nervous?" He asked reluctantly, giving you an almost concerned look.

"I'm not starstruck, if that's what you mean." You replied easily, actually not feeling nervous at all for once. "I'm just wondering why I'm here."

"Because I'm curious about you." Tom smiled, and you could swear that he was blushing a little bit. It looked rather adorable and your heart skipped a beat. "What's your name?"

"I'm Y/n." You replied lightly, taking in all the small details about him that you hadn't been able to see from the distance before.

"Y/n… that's a lovely name. I'm Tom."

"Yeah, I know." You laughed, biting your lip to keep from grinning too widely. Whether he was trying to make you relaxing by humor or if he really was just a dork, you found yourself to be comfortable with him.

"Of course you do…" He laughed too, looking down to the ground and shaking his head to himself. Oh, he was definitely blushing now, and it was freaking adorable.

"You observed me during the panel, didn't you?" You asked calmly, trying to ease his embarrassment a bit by changing the topic.

"I did indeed." He gave you an apologetic smile as he motioned for you to take a seat on the couch, before sitting down across from you. "I just couldn't help it."

"And here I was, thinking I'm making things up." You chuckled.

"What were you scribbling in that notebook the entire time? If you don't mind me asking..." He inquired curiously, eyes searching and finding yours. Somehow they held the power to stop time for you and leave you feeling completely mesmerized. Tom seemed to experience a similar thing, for he only kept looking at you while you looked back at him for a second bearing your own forever. Until someone dropped something on the concrete floor very loudly, making both of you jump.

"I… I was just sketching some random objects, some people…" You finally replied as you found your words again. "Nothing special."

"So you're an artist? Here at the convention?"

"Yes, and no. I am an artist, but not in a million years famous enough to be invited to con." You laughed, taking in the sincere interest in Tom's expression. It'd been such a long time since anybody had looked at you like that...

"May I take a look at today's work?" He asked with so much hope that there was no way you could've said no to him. Whatever it was he would ask of you.

So you handed him your journal, and he flipped the pages open at your bookmark. That would be the portrait you sketched of him.

"Wow, this is amazing…" He remarked, frowning as he focused entirely on the drawing for a moment. "You did this in, what, fifteen minutes?"

"Yup." You shrugged, feeling your cheeks heat up yet again. "I mean, you're too tempting not to draw."

Tom's eyes shot up from the page to meet yours as he pulled up one eyebrow and grinned at you, while you only now registered what you had said, closing your eyes and biting your lip in embarrassment.

"I just meant that with you as a sitter, every portrait would look good." You tried to make it sound right, only to find Tom still grinning at you in amusement.

"Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter. The sitter is merely the accident, the occasion. It is not he who is revealed by the painter; it is rather the painter who, on the coloured canvas, reveals himself." Tom spoke softly, and your skin tingled pleasantly at the warm depth of his voice.

"Oscar Wilde, nice." You smirked at him, causing his eyes to light up yet again.

"You enjoy literature?"

"Probably just as much as art."

"Literature is art though, wouldn't you say?"

"It is indeed." You replied softly, smiling. "Maybe that's why I enjoy it so much."

For the next hour, or maybe rather hours –who could tell how much time passed when so lost in each other's captivating presence?– you and Tom stayed sitting on that couch, ignoring everything and everyone outside of your conversation. Talking to him was so much more than you had ever imagined, so utterly intriguing and captivating… You had completely fallen for him before you knew.

"Y/n…" Tom started, velvety voice wrapping around your senses like liquid sin. "I…"

He was interrupted by an assistant stepping up to the couch hastily, letting Tom know that he needed to get to his signing table ASAP, being twenty minutes late already. Your heart fell upon those words, more than you would've assumed, as it meant that you would have to leave too. That the little time you had with Tom had come to an end. But you wouldn't be so foolish as to assume that any of this would lead to anything more than a nice memory.

With a sad smile you couldn't really brighten up, you rose to your feet, urging Tom to do the same.

"It was truly lovely meeting you, Tom. A dream." You said gently as you stood right in front of him, the assistant having left to be of use elsewhere.

"It is your dream. You decide where it goes from here." He replied in the same soft quiet, looking down at you in both affection and reluctance. "I'm afraid I find it rather impossible to part from you. What are we to do about that?"

"You will go your way and I will go mine… And by tonight you won't remember my name, my face or my words anyway. I'm one in a million, a passing star in an entire universe of equals." You smiled at him with a heavy heart, meaning your words to be encouraging rather than saddening. "While you, Tom, you contain multitudes all by yourself."

"I'm your equal, Y/n…" He protested lightly, frowning with an almost shy smile. "I want to be."

"You do?" Your eyes widened as gentle a shiver ran down your spine.

"Of course." His smile widened for a moment, and his eyes flicked down to the small gap between you very briefly before he looked back to your eyes and let his fingers brush gently against yours. The minimal touch left your skin ablaze in an instant, scorching liquid heat running wildly through your veins. Your breath hitched, and his smile widened even more. "I have to go to my signing now, or Luke will have my head. But I'm refusing to let you go, and I would be the luckiest man in all those multitudes if you would wait for me here. I'm gonna be all yours once I return."

With your stomach in pleasant coils, and your heart in his hands already, you didn't even need to think before nodding with the happiest smile. "I will be here. How long does the signing take?"

"Sometimes, just a second, my dear." He grinned at you, giving your hand a light squeeze before jogging off to where the man in the suit was waiting for him with a roll of his eyes and a smirk. And as you watched Tom leaving, winking at you once more before he was out of sight, you already couldn't wait for his return.

______________________________

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#tom hiddleston imagine #tom hiddleston x reader #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fanfiction #Loki #loki of asgard #loki (marvel) #loki fanfic #loki odinson #loki #loki smut #tom hiddleston x you

[redhoodssweetheart]

Common Enemy (1/?)

Genre: Angst with an eventual happy ending, Enemies-to-Friends-to-Lovers

Relationship: Jason Todd x Gender Neutral!Reader

Requested: Yes (REQUESTS ARE CLOSED)

Word Count: 3.8K

Warnings: Angst, blood mention, swearing

Description:  Red Hood doesn’t seem to trust you and you don’t get why.  He’s a complete ass to you, but you’re determined to prove him wrong and show him that you deserve to be a hero like Batman and the others.

A/N: Okay this wasn’t supposed to be a series, but sometimes I am incapable of keeping things short.  The story kept growing and getting longer and I said I need to stop here before this is 20K+ words.  So this will be the first part, it might just be a mini series, but don’t quote me on that.  Enjoy!

Had someone told you that you would be a masked vigilante one day you would have laughed in their face and told them that they were crazy.  You didn’t see yourself leaping from rooftop to rooftop with a domino mask on taking down the likes of Joker, Riddler, and Poison Ivy.  You were just going to leave that to the professionals.

Then there was the night that had changed your life.  The night you had been captured by the Joker had been one of the scariest events in your entire life.  You had been prepared to die that night, had hoped the Joker wouldn’t be in the mood to draw out the torture.  He had captured you and a few other people who hadn’t managed to be as lucky as you.  Maybe the gods were smiling down upon you that night or maybe you just had sheer dumb luck.

Batman and Red Robin and broken through the windows of the warehouse where Joker had you held.  Red Robin had helped you escape while Batman did the brunt of the dirty work.  You had followed Red Robin to the safety of the outside world.  “Commissioner Gordon will be here soon with the GCPD, they’ll take your statement and escort you home.”

You had grabbed Red Robin’s cape to stop him before he could leave you outside alone.  “Wait, please.”  He turned to you, and for a moment you wished that you could see his eyes, to see if you could discern what he was feeling at the moment.  “How do I thank you?”

“It’s just apart of the job, just wait here and everything will be all right.”  Then he was heading back for the warehouse to help Batman with whatever was left to deal with.

Commissioner Gordon arrived with backup and he took your statement as Red Robin had predicted and then had an officer escort you back to your apartment.  Your brush with danger was over and you were safe… okay well that was a lie.

You couldn’t sleep that night, the thought of Joker and other villains keeping you awake.  Grabbing your computer you began to research on the crimes committed in Gotham and how many were like Joker.  Page after page on Google was filled with information of Gotham’s underground activity.  Riddler, Catwoman, Black Mask, they were all listed and all threats to the safety of those living in your city.

You could no longer sit by as a concerned citizen, your brush with death that night had proven that.  No, you needed to be out there doing what Batman and the Robins did, what the Justice League was doing.  You were no longer just going to sit on the sidelines and watch as the crime unfolded.

Months were spent on training, you weren’t going to go to Batman without a little background on how to defend yourself.  The Dark Knight would probably laugh in your face if you came unprepared and said you wanted to fight crime.  When you felt like you were fully prepared to go to him you climbed the building where the GCPD had situated the Bat-Signal and waited.  

“Mind telling me what a civilian is doing here?”  The voice had come from nowhere, a figure appearing out of the shadows.  Batman stood before you, but this time he was alone.

You squared your shoulders and said, “I want to be like you.”  He had just stared at you and you twitched slightly.  “Look, I know that this is probably crazy to you, but you and Red Robin saved me from Joker a few months back.  That entire night I couldn’t sleep thinking about the other people who hadn’t been as lucky as I was.  I can’t just sit by while more lives are lost when I could have been doing something all along.”

“Just because you have a reason and the conviction doesn’t mean you’ll be a good candidate for this lifestyle.  Take my advice and go home.”

He turned to leave, but you stopped him, “I just want to help.  I took a self-defense classes and I’m working through different martial arts.  I knew you wouldn’t take me on with no experience.  Just give me a shot, a chance to prove to you that I can do this, that I am serious.”

Batman was quiet as he studied you, saw the urgency in your eyes.  He nodded his head, “You’ll have a probationary stint, you will not learn our identities, you will train with us, and if I deem you worthy then you can join.  Not before and not after.”

Relief surged through you.  “Thank you, I won’t let you down.”

Batman promised to find you and a week later you began your training.  Red Robin had been surprised to see you enter the Batcave with your gym attire on.  Batman had lost his cowl for a domino mask and a suit that he could help train you in.  The newest Robin was also in charge of training, and he was ruthless.  He tormented you with comments calling you pathetic and a waste of his time.  

He was what?  Twelve?  But he talked as if he were the same age as Batman.

Nightwing was easier to stomach than Robin and even Red Robin showed patience in training you to use the technology.  Batman would help you on occasion, but he preferred to watch or wasn’t in the cave at all to fulfill his duties to the city.

“Who’s the newbie?”  A voice came from the entrance you came in on nights you were training with the crew.  All of you turned to see Red Hood sauntering in.  “Did Bats adopt another charity case?”

Anger surged through you, “I’m not a charity case and for your information, I am not a child.  I am a grown adult.”

Red Hood snorted, “Sure.  So why’s the charity case here?”

Nightwing grabbed your arm and tugged you back as you went to lunge for Red Hood.  You didn’t care if he was a member of this team he was an asshole.  At least with Robin, he had some shred of respect for you.  Red Hood just seemed to want to push your buttons and it was working.  “Come on, Y/N,” Nightwing led you back to the sparring ring while Red Hood went to talk with Batman.  “Red’s not worth getting riled up over.  He’s only saying those things to get a reaction from you, it’s better to just leave it alone.”

You rolled your shoulders and began punching at the gloves on Nightwing’s hands, “Yeah well the jackass could be a little more gentlemanly.”

“I heard that!”  Red Hood called over to you.

“Good!”  You whirled.  “I wanted you to hear it.”

Red Hood removed his hood and looked at you with a blank face.  You thought briefly that he was handsome, and the shock of white hair in his bangs added to his look, but then he opened his mouth and ruined it for you, “Listen kid-”

“Kid!” You cried in outrage.

“Why don’t you just stop this nonsense now and go running back to mommy and daddy or whatever place you call home and forget about this,” the room had gone silent listening to Red Hood speak. 

Their eyes turned to you now to see how you would respond.  Anger burned through your veins, “Who hurt you?  Who hurt you so bad that you would insult someone you don’t know and put them down for trying to do something good?  To do something right?”

For the first time, you saw a real emotion flash across his face.  Anger.  He pointed a finger at you, “To you this is some kind of game.  Admit it.  You see the superheroes and vigilantes running around saving the day and you want that same fame and glory for yourself.  You don’t know what it’s actually like.  Why don’t you ask Nightwing how he got into this?  Or Batman here?  Red Robin?  Robin?  We all have stories that have led us to this moment, a reason that propelled us forward.  What caused you to join?  Did you want a superhero identity?  Bored with your mediocre life that you think becoming one of us will give you the thrill you need?”  He scoffed, “Just stop lying to yourself and us and go back to your life.”

You swung down out of the ring and grabbed your stuff, Red Hood smirking and Nightwing calling your name.  You stopped in front of Batman and looked up at him.  “I’ll be back tomorrow night, but that asshole better not be here.”  The smirk slipped from Red Hood’s face as you walked past him and out to the fresh air above.

You furiously swiped at your eyes as angry and frustrated tears rolled down your cheeks.  You had done nothing to this man, he hadn’t even heard you out and yet he stood there and said that you didn’t have what it took to be a hero, to protect people.  He didn’t even know who you were and he was judging you based on nothing.  You took in a deep breath.  No more tears.  You were going to prove this asshole wrong, you were going to prove that this wasn’t some joke to you.

Back in the Batcave, the others glared at Jason.  He looked at them and asked, “What?”

Damian took off his mask and shook his head, “Look, I may not have liked it at first either, but Y/N has come a long way in a short amount of time.  They’re working hard to be where they are right now and you just steamrolled them as if they were some type of joke.”

“Oh come on Damian, we’ve seen this before.  People who want this lifestyle, who want the glory, but then give up when things become too real for them.  It’s the same with this Y/N person.”

Tim shook his head, “Y/N was held captive by the Joker, they watched as he killed five other people before we got there and saved them.  We didn’t hear anything out of them until they showed up at the Bat-Signal one night saying they wanted in.  They didn’t want to sit by and watch as more people were hurt or injured or killed.  Y/N deserves to be here.”  With that, he stood and headed upstairs.

“Whatever,” Jason said.  “The first night they’re on patrol my point will be proven.”

ONE YEAR LATER

“I would have had him!”  You shouted as you and Red Hood stepped into the Batcave.  You pulled your mask off and tossed into onto a tabletop.  Damian and Dick had been watching the scanners that evening helping you as you had weaved through the city on your motorcycle.  “I’ve been chasing this lead on where Joker went and you blew it for me!”

“He wasn’t going to talk!”  Red Hood shouted at you.  Despite having been on the team for a year and showing Red Hood that you were not just in this for fame or glory he still hated you and refused to reveal his identity.

He didn’t trust you.

And that’s why you refused to work with him.  If he didn’t trust you then you couldn’t trust him.  Bruce respected your wishes and you mainly went out with Dick or Tim and sometimes even Damian.  You got along with the boys and you had gained their trust and respect.  The night after Red Hood had chased you away Damian came by your apartment

It had been a shock to see Robin tapping on your window so late into the evening.  You quickly let him in and he awkwardly said he had come to check on you.  The gesture had surprised you because at the time you thought that Robin didn’t really care for you.  The two of you had conversed and Damian then revealed himself to be Batman.  The revelation that Bruce Wayne’s son was one of the Robins had given you quite the shock, then it settled in that Batman had to be Bruce Wayne and you had needed to sit down.

Damian wound up staying the night because he had become too tired to travel all the way back across Gotham to get home.  Dick had come by in the morning after insisting he come get Damian instead of you bringing him home.  The two of you had conversed quietly while Damian still laid sacked out on the couch.

“I’m surprised he told you,” Dick’s arms were crossed over his chest as he stared at the sleeping boy.  “Damian doesn’t open up to people easily.”

“I can tell,” you said wryly.

After that moment the others had let you in more and treated you as family.  Going so far as to let you stay in the mansion some nights after patrol when you were too tired to go back home.  Alfred would bring you your favorite foods and drinks while Damian and you would sometimes sit quietly and read together.  

You thought that this would be a step in the right direction with Red Hood, but a year later and the two of you were still bickering with each other.

“What’s it going to take for you to finally trust me and actually let me do what I was trained to do?”  You asked him, hands on your hips as you stared him down.  After that first encounter with him, you were no longer afraid to throw things back at him.  “You said I wouldn’t last, that I was only here for the fame, well guess what Hood?  I’m still here and I’m not doing it for the fame!  I’m barely in the magazines unlike the rest of you all because I stick to the shadows.  I don’t see out the high profile villains unless Bruce asks.  I’m doing this to keep Gotham safe.”

“You’re just going to get yourself killed,” he fired back.  “You run around Gotham thinking that this is some sort of game-”

“Game?”  You shook your head.  “This isn’t a game to me Hood, these are real people with real lives that are in danger.  I am doing the best I can to make sure those people keep getting to live a life they deserve.”

“You’re still just someone playing dress-up,” was all he said before he left the cave to go back to wherever he called home.

A few weeks after your latest blow up with Jason you were cleaning your gear when Tim came running to you.  “Damian’s distress signal just went off.  I can’t get a hold of Bruce, Dick’s in San Francisco right now, and Red isn’t answering.”

You were up in a second and throwing on your gear, “I’ll go after him.  Send me his last know coordinates and keep trying Red and Bruce.  I’ll keep you updated on anything I find.”

Tim nodded and hurried back to his spot and began sending you what you needed.  With the coordinates locked into your GPS you sped out of the Batcave and toward Damian’s last known location.

Not ten minutes after you left Jason pulled into the Batcave and was barely off his bike before Tim was rushing him.  “Whoa dude!  Slow it down!  Where’s the fire?”

“Damian’s distress signal went off and Y/N’s gone to find him, but I still can’t get a hold of Bruce to let him know.”

“I’ll follow Y/N, just give me Damian’s last known location.”  Jason got back on his bike and headed out of the Batcave following after you and Damian.

You arrived to the dilapidated circus tent five minutes before Jason showed up.  You stared up at the torn circus tent and heard the laughing of hyenas somewhere close by.  The moment you had arrived you knew who had Damian and it felt like your knees were going to give out on you. 

Months spent searching for the Joker and you had finally find him, but only because he had stolen Damian.  

There was movement beside you and when you went to strike Red Hood grabbed your arms and pinned you to the wall.  “What the hell, Red?”  You hissed when it registered that he was here.  “How the hell did you find me?”

“Red Robin told me about Robin, I came as soon as I could.”  He looked back at the big top and his grip on you loosened enough that you could get free.  “Joker has him then.”  You noted his hands tightening into fists.  “What’s the plan then?”

“What?  Not going to argue with me?”  You snapped as you turned your attention away from Red Hood.

“Not tonight, this is more important,” you were glad the two of you at least agreed on that.

“Do you think you can cause a distraction?”  You questioned.  “Something that would let me slip in practically undetected?”

“You wish is my command,” he pulled out one of the guns strapped to his waist.  “Don’t move until the chaos starts.  Robin is probably being held somewhere in the back of the big top.  Joker would want to get who Batman is out of him.  Let me know when you have him.”

You nodded your head and watched as Jason dashed off toward the tents.  You counted silently in your head waiting for the moment you heard gunshots and screaming.  Red Hood wouldn’t cause enough of a distraction to bring Joker’s entire army down on him, but you were hoping it was enough to pull most of the people away from Damian.

A loud gunshot rang through the night and then there were more.  You could hear semi-automatic weapons going off and shouting as more people headed Red Hood’s way.  Taking this as the distraction you needed, you headed in the opposite direction.  You slipped inside the semi-dark tent and followed the winding pathways of boxes and junk around.

Damian was nowhere to be seen yet, and you hadn’t run into any of the guards, Red was holding them off nicely for you.  You ducked behind some crates when you heard a voice coming out from behind one of the curtains leading to the back of the big top.

“.... hehe our plan is working perfectly.  He’s here for the boy, make sure there’s no one else with him.”

“Yes boss,” another voice said before the sound of retreating footsteps met your ears.  The first voice headed back the way you had come from while the second headed in Jason’s direction.  You knew the first voice was Joker, thanking your lucky stars you headed toward the back where they had come from.

Once there you took a few turns and discovered a larger room filled with costumes and clown makeup and in the middle tied to a chair was Damian.  “Robin,” you rushed toward him and began sawing at the ropes with one of the knives you kept on you.  He had blood running out the side of his mouth, and his uniform was torn in several places with knife cuts in his skin.  It had been clear that Joker had started torturing him.  “Robin, can you hear me?”

He groaned, “No, it’s a trap.”

“Shhhh,” you caught him as he fell forward.  “Red Hood’s distracting the others, Joker just left this area.  Come on, we’re going home.”

“Ah ah ah,” a voice came from behind you and when you turned you saw Joker standing there with a knife in his hands.  “Why leave when we’re just getting started?”

You moved so that Damian was behind you, “You’re going back to Arkham where you belong, you sick son of a bitch.”

The Joker threw back his head and laughed, “It’s cute that you actually think I’m going back there.  No, no you see I’ve had some time to plan this just right.  “I was hoping the Bat would be here so that I could kill him, but this works too.  I’ve done it before, I’ve killed one of his little Robins.”

“Yeah well it didn’t stick,” Red Hood was behind Joker now.  You didn’t know how he had managed to sneak up behind Joker, but he had a gun held to the back of his head.  “Come on Joker, did you really think those d-list goons you call your henchmen could outsmart us?”

Joker seemed put out by the fact that Red Hood had called his men d-listers.  “You’ll never make it out of here alive.  The boy is going to be dead weight.  Look at him he can barely stand.”  His laughter echoed in your ears and it grated on your nerve so much that you threw Joker to the ground and held a knife to his throat, Joker seemed thrilled by this.

“I should slit your throat and call it a night,” you growled.  “You’re nothing but a stain on humanity and the world wouldn’t mourn you.”

Red Hood pulled you off of Joker, “Get Damian, we need to go.  GCPD will be here soon and can clear this place out.”  He aimed his gun at Joker and tightened his grip, “Hope you didn’t piss anyone off at Arkham before you left because they’re gonna have a field day when you get back.”

“What’s the fun in life without a few enemies?”  Joker’s statement made your face twist up in disgust.  How had society let this man live?  Red Hood tied Joker to the same chair that Damian had been in so that the GCPD could take care of him.

Jason covered you as the three of you headed for the exit, he took out a few guards, but for the most part the place seemed pretty quiet.  “Most of the guards I incapacitated while you were looking for Robin.  We should be clear unless backup is on the way.”

You were relieved to hear that he had taken most of the guards.  With Red Hood watching your back the two of you managed to slip out unnoticed by a large group of Joker’s goons and back to your bikes.  Red Hood helped you secure Damian to your bike and the three of you sped away before the GCPD arrived on the scene.  When you glanced back you could have sworn you saw part of the tent on fire.  It was in the part that had been on the farther side away from where you had found Damian and the Joker.

“Red?”  You said into the comms.  “Did you set the tent on fire?”

There was the sound of his chuckle, “Maybe.  Maybe I wanted to see the whole damn thing burn to the ground.”

You couldn’t blame him, you wanted to watch it burn to the ground too.  Something in the back of your mind told you that the Joker wasn’t done yet with you or Red Hood, but you didn’t want to focus on that at the moment.  All you wanted was to get Damian back home so Alfred could check him over for any internal damage.

#Jason Todd x Reader #Jason Todd x Reader angst #Red Hood x Reader #Red Hood x Reader angst #Jason Todd fanfic #Jason Todd fanfiction #Jason Todd Imagine #Red Hood #Red Hood fanfic #Red Hood fanfiction #Red Hood imagine #Red Hood angst #DC Comics #DC Comics fanfic #DC Comics fanfiction #DC Comics Imagine #Requested

[spineofdeathwing]

My Final rebuttal/Testimony to Shadowtusk Clan.

So, on 2/17/21, I made a testimony over the Shadowtusk Clan guild in response to their growing presence on Twitter: https://www.twitlonger.com/show/n_1srje97 which is the Twitlonger I posted here. It holds my personal views towards Bazu's Twitter @Batzu, and my experiences. On this same day, their GM made a reply to my Testimony (https://www.twitlonger.com/show/n_1srjefm), and I just wanted to address it here- all the lies, all the speculation. We're gonna start with his first point of when we met. This is semantics. We did meet at an event but didn't actually have a full conversation until he came to falsely accuse me of metagaming with little to no actual evidence. His log is correct but misrepresents the actual context with his own speculations.

Next up: Apologizing for someone being a dick to me OOC when they spam me with crap about wanting to kill my character and then going, 'IC isn't OOC' doesn't compute. Pick a fucking side Bazu. 

Here's the first misrepresentation: his remarks about IC racism. I didn't take issue with the existence of it itself. In fact, my quote was, 'the IC racism that was so venomous in nature that I almost thought they hated me for playing Di OOCly- I realized I had few friends very quickly.' My issue was how fucking hard your guild plays into that, not that it did to begin with. That's like responding to someone complaining about a flood with, 'BUT WE ALL NEED WATER TO SURVIVE'.  Next up was actually an issue I forgot, that being Bazu's ableism. 

 Now, the context was people were fighting over something I said in guild chat. We had a safeword, and I was overstimulated and having an anxiety attack. Bazu, I don't know if you let your agenda make you forget, but I'm fucking Autistic you caustic slime puddle. Conflict and shit can make me get overstimulated- your GM, Zu'daba knew I was autistic to start, as did you as I mentioned that in voice chat. I'm glad you apologized in your Twitlonger, but I'm gonna give the story here for the sake of the transparency YOU forgot. Onto the Zu'daba and Kyr'gal shit. The screens are correct, but there's a misrepresentation of fact. Zujia's advice in that screenshot was over my general concern over Kyr'gal- not over the incident that made me leave. For that, Tezuli advised me as shown here: https://imgur.com/a/mO6UI3G Zu'daba did use Tezuli's advice and guiding to me to admonish me. Blame was initially put onto me from this, Bazu- your screenshots and personal statement even support my argument.  So, what about Di being shamed? Bazu claims I was eager for it, and liked that! It'd sure be a shame if I had screenshots that show that my consent to this was dubious at best to an outsider looking in. Oops!: https://imgur.com/a/tmx1nfU Turns out, I have receipts of me talking to one of your core where I very clearly was Not Okay With That. 

The Gay Baby Jail incident WAS addressed- that still doesn't excuse that your officer was wrongly calling me homophobic in private when I myself am very openly LGBTQ...including being Bi- including my constant advocacy for LGBTQ rights. Including my huge fucking track record of improving when I even do something slightly to offend. What about me with Zea'lani? The source of that tension was me using a transphobic word in an ERP context without the realization that it was transphobic over 4-5 months ago at this point. When I realized what I said was wrong, I immediately addressed it publicly on Twitter, and left that community. I'd later return to it to ensure that message was deleted, and left again because that wasn't something I wanted in the world. While I am trans myself, that doesn't excuse my slipup. However, when your officer actively supports transphobic game devs and tries to 'expose me' for something I handled way before she even saw that, I'm gonna take issue. Especially when she tries to expose me when I am opening up about someone being transphobic and objectifying to me- alongside being racist to black people. Your attempt to get me to fucking repeat the big ass mistake I made to be 'transparent' Bazu, is noted.

Onto the stalking claims. The person who stalked me literally confessed to it Bazu. When you confess to something, you take fucking ownership of that. Which Eztli did: https://imgur.com/a/3A7rKH3 as shown here. I've called Eztli my friend for ages before this drama, Bazu. Your attempt to claim I fish for sympathy when I actually am just being consistent on how I saw someone. Perhaps projecting onto me is a bad idea.

To tie that up, yes. Your recount of the events addressing Lani's behavior is right. You saw blatant harassment, agreed that it wasn't okay, and excused it anyhow. I only posted when you were done talking- and for good reason. When you get someone's friend to backstab someone, and make a bunch of lies and having people stalk them- that person's gonna go public. I urge you to cope, Bazu. So, cultural appropriation. I think this is my biggest issue here. He gives the impression that no one came to him about him appropriating Black Culture and African Religion. Lemme fix that: https://imgur.com/a/uPhAzGq The video I link refers to Hatian Zombies, Bokors and the history of Voodoo/Vodou- with heavy input made from practitioners of Voodoo and Vodou, as well as even having a Bokor speak on the issue and sacred nature of their title. As you can see, he acknowledges seeing this.  However, lemme point out the racism here: 'If any member of the various animistic faiths that inspire Blizzard's depiction of "Voodoo" would like to ask me to stop or offer direction in how to portray these practices more respectfully, I would be open to that. If my limited amateur research on the acceptable uses of the title of "Bokor" have misled me, I'm happy to apologize and to strike it from our record.' You were given a certifiable and primary source as to why your behavior is wrong. A basic fucking google search tells you why you are wrong. But you demand that Black people of this faith, who has suffered countless times at the hands of White Supremacy, baby your ass on this. It's not cute. It's not funny. It's incredibly fucking racist, and shows you have no desire to fix your appropriation. The art theft stuff is true. Now, what about harassment, racism, all that?  Another misrepresented point. If we look at my Twitlonger, I mentioned that they've had a past of it. This isn't hidden fact, Shadowtusk on this blog alone has been exposed countless times for homophobia, racism, pedophilia- the list goes on. As it is misrepresented, I'm not addressing that further. It's a joke. What I will say is that for OOC racism not being tolerated, Bazu, you sure are hella eager to appropriate and steal from Black Culture more than even Blizzard does for the sake of your own immersion- even when you are given more than enough of means to educate yourself.  That's my final rebuttal. If you want all the screens that show every instance of bullshittery I had with STC: Here ya go.  And Bazu? I understand you are a spineless fucking coward, and you have Indicinis backing you on your lies regardless of the truth. The Troll RP community deserves more and better than your filth. I'd pray for you to grow as a person but given the sheer amount of your delusion? You aren't worth that. And PPS? Me including the creation of my guild for the sake of giving an accurate portrayal of chronological events and explaining my reasoning for it, isn't a plug. Keep that insecurity to yourself. https://imgur.com/gallery/1eR9N5p https://imgur.com/gallery/0UhtYd8 https://imgur.com/gallery/9ljDdRG

#Story #scumbag #world of warcraft #Wyrmrest Accord #Abuse #Harassment #Racism #Image #submission

[brokenbuttonsmusic]

Laura Cantrell: Nashville-born, New York-based, Acclaimed Country Singer-Songwriter & DJ (& Kitty Wells Fanatic)

This post is a near- transcript of the Broken Buttons: Buried Treasure Music podcast (episode 2, side B). Here you’ll find the narration from the segment featuring the pioneering rock band Fanny, along with links, videos, photos and references for the episode.

Listen to the full episode on Spotify, Anchor or Mixcloud.

Music blog Stereogum used to have a running feature called “Quit Your Day Job” where they interviewed indie musicians about their current or former jobs. There was one with Marty and Drew from the band Blitzen Trapper. The two discussed being torn about walking away from teaching as their third album, Wild Mountain Nation, was starting to blow up. There was another where the lead singer of War on Drugs detailed some of the disgusting things he had to clean up while working as an apartment property manager. Mostly dead rats and clogged toilet stuff, but he did walk into an apartment that had been converted into a porno set. I remembered this discontinued “musician day job” feature while reading up on my next featured artist and it got me thinking. 

How many professional musicians do you think have a full time day job? How many juggle multiple side gigs and still manage to tour and put out records regularly? How many have really successful careers all while trying to make it as a musician? 

I don’t actually know. I did some research and there aren’t any reliable stats that I could find. There is a lot of anecdotal discussion on the topic. The consensus seems to be that most musicians are not getting by with music as their only, or even their primary source of income. I don’t think anyone is surprised by that. 

One Reddit user said less than 5% of musicians derive all or most of their income from music. He didn’t offer a source or anything, but he seemed very authoritative in his post. And then after a few more Google searches I lost interest and listened to more Laura Cantrell. 

Laura Cantrell’s story is what got me pondering how indie musicians go about juggling making art with the necessity of, you know, making a living to survive. In 2003, after two critically acclaimed albums, including a tour opening for Elvis Costello all across the United States and Europe, Cantrell was at a similar crossroads. Laura had risen to the position of Vice President of Equity Research at Bank of America in New York. Yes, you heard me right. Laura Cantrell was working as a corporate executive and touring with Elvis Costello at the same time. She actively worked on the road during the day and then performed for thousands of people each night.

Before we get further into what led up to this point and what came after, let’s hear a song from Laura Cantrell’s debut album, Not the Tremblin’ Kind. Here’s the title track.

That was Not the Tremblin’ Kind from Laura Cantrell’s first album back in the year 2000.

Laura grew up in Nashville. She played a little bit of piano and sang in the church choir, but did not get into performing music and playing out until her college years. As a teenager she worked at the Country Music Hall of Fame as a tour guide. This job, in addition to the influence of the diverse musical tastes of her parents, sparked an interest in traditional music, particularly classic country. She also became somewhat of an aficionado in this area. 

This love and knowledge of the early days of country music would help differentiate Laura as she honed her sound and selected her songs while developing as a performer down the road. Before that, however, it would make her an excellent college radio DJ and later an even more excellent DJ at WFMU, one of the best and longest running free-form radio stations in the country. Out of the New Jersey/New York area, WFMU is awesome to this day, with a wide array of programming where DJs still get to play whatever they want. 

Laura is my favorite kind of DJ, and the kind that has been dwindling in numbers since the rise of music downloads, which then gave way to streaming and endless algorithms. First off, she’s knows her stuff. She carefully curates each shows, and thoughtfully sequences each set within every episode. She packs in history, context and story to create something that transcends your typical weekend-afternoon-background-radio-soundtrack. I know this show is about under appreciated bands and artists, but Laura Cantrell’s contributions to radio deserve to be heard by more people. You can find her past WFMU shows, called The Radio Thrift Shop, archived on the WFMU website. You can hear her present day on her “States of Country” radio show on the Gimmie Country radio app, or on her SiriusXM George Harrison themed show “Dark House Radio,” on The Beatles station.

This concludes the part of the show where I babble my enthusiastic endorsement of Laura Cantrell’s past and present radio career.

Laura began playing music with others in college at Columbia University. Her jam pals included Andrew Webster, future member of Tsunami Bomb and Mac McCaughan, who would go on to form Superchunk and Portastatic + found Merge Records. The friends would call their band Bricks. A lo-fi, mostly apartment recording projects that played sporadic gigs over the years. 

Here’s the Brick’s song, The Girl with the Carrot Skin.

Living in New York, Laura began playing guitar and writing her own songs. She also plucked some choice classic country finds and incorporated them into her own performance catalog. One day she met a guy named John who asked her to sing on a song that would appear on his band’s next major label release for Elektra. 

That’s The Guitar from They Might Be Giant’s 1992 album, Apollo 18. John Flansburgh asked Laura to sing on that recording. It was the first time Laura recorded in a professional studio. John Flansburgh became a fan of Laura’s music and released her first recorded material as part of his Hello CD of the Month Club, an EP called The Hello Recordings in 1996. 

Let’s hear another Laura Cantrell song. This time one that she wrote with Amy Allison. From Laura Cantrell’s 2014 album, No Way There From Here, this is All the Girls are Complicated. 

That was Laura Cantrell with All the Girls Are Complicated from her last full length release, No Way There From Here. Actually, that was her last full album of new material, but Laura did release an album a few years back of her BBC recordings on John Peel’s radio show. That album is called At the BBC: On Air Performances and Recordings 2000-2005. 

I mentioned earlier that Peel was a big fan. Again, here’s John Peel’s full quote about Laura’s first album, Not the Tremblin’ Kind: "[It is] my favourite record of the last ten years and possibly my life.” Having the endorsement of the legendary English disc jockey was enough to give Cantrell wider exposer throughout the UK. She developed a loyal fanbase through regular appearances on Peel’s show, as well as US and European tours, including the opening slot for Elvis Costello. Which brings us back to Laura’s fork in the road. Before her third album, Laura decided to walk away from the corporate gig. She was excited to focus on music full time, but a little worried about walking away from the security of a successful career she liked and position she was good at.

From a spotlight CNN Business did on Cantrell in 2004:

“For several months until she finally quit, Cantrell balanced her day job with a growing schedule of rehearsals, gigs, recordings and publicity. On the day she appeared on the Conan O'Brien show she was at her desk until lunchtime.”

“And while life as a professional musician is a dream come true, Cantrell still looks back with fondness on more than a decade on Wall Street.”

“‘I came into Wall Street with a very typical kind of stereotype that it was all going to be people just obsessed with money. What I found was that there were just loads of interesting people who were a lot like myself, just doing it as a job and who had lives that were full of other things.’

‘So I miss some of the contact with people I met. Ironically it was a very supportive environment for me as an artist.’”

Laura’s first two albums were released on the the indie label Diesel Only, which was founded by her husband, Jeremey Tepper. Her third album was released by Matador Records, also an indie label, but with an impressive roster that included Liz Phair, Modest Mouse, Pavement and Sleater-Kinney. Released in 2005, Humming By the Flowered Vine continues Cantrell’s classic country sound, but with some evolved production and arrangements. Laura’s mastery as a song selector gets more and more impressive. This album includes a cover of a rare, unreleased Lucinda Williams song form 1975 called, “Letters.” 

In fact, Lucinda Williams herself was thoroughly impressed with Laura’s cover of “Letters.” She attributes the cover to bolstering her confidence to go back through her earlier material and look for her own buried treasures. 

From Blurt Magazine: 

“The inspiration for her journey through the past struck when she heard Laura Cantrell’s version of her song ‘Letters,’ which Williams wrote around 1975 and recorded on a demo but never officially released. Explains Williams, ‘She got a copy from a mutual friend and did a beautiful, really sweet version of it that made me think wow, she brought this early song back to life, maybe I should go back and review some of my old stuff. I’ve got all these tapes of old little songs, but I never thought they were good enough to do anything with.’”

You know you’re an ace at finding under appreciated gems when you surprise Lucinda Williams by helping her discover one of her own songs. Let’s hear Laura Cantrell’s version of Letters.

That was Laura Cantrell with Letters from her 2005 release Humming by the Flowered Vine.

In 2008, Laura returned with an EP called, Trains and Boats and Planes with 9 songs about… trains, and boats and planes. It’s very good and it includes a fun cover of New Order’s Love Vigilantes. 

Throughout this time, Laura continued her radio show. She also started a family and became co-owner and co-operator of Diesel Only Records. 

In this clip from an interview with Face Culture, you can really hear Laura’s passion for country music and its roots. She talks about the importance of country’s influence on rock n’ roll, and how each artist is inspired by something great that came before. 

And Laura continuously pays tribute to the greats that came before through her radio show and on her own records. In 2011, Laura released a tribute to Kitty Wells called “Kitty Wells Dresses: Songs of the Queen of Country Music.” The collection includes nine Kitty Wells covers and one original, the title track, Kitty Wells Dresses.

From the Washington Post:

Here’s Laura talking about the inspiration for the album. 

“Kitty wore very typical stage clothes for women who performed at barn dances and in early country music shows,” says Cantrell, a Nashville-born, New York-based country singer and host of an old-time music show on the legendary radio station WFMU.

“They were these frilly gingham dresses, non-threatening and cutesy. It became this uniform that all the women of the era wore, and I always thought it was a great metaphor for how you can underestimate the strength of the person or the value of the artist underneath.”

That was the song Kitty Wells Dresses from Laura Cantrell’s tribute album of the same name, released in 2011. Wells was the oldest living member of the Country Music Hall of Fame upon its release. She was also the first woman inducted into the hall. Cantrell met and talked to Kitty about her album. She said that Kitty asked which songs were selected and as Laura began calling them out, Kitty would sing each one. 

I’ve mentioned all of Laura’s past and present DJ efforts, all of which I’ll link to on my website, brokenbuttons.com. Laura also continues to release music. She had planned a host of special activities for the 20th anniversary of Not the Tremblin’ Kind, which had to be put on hold due to all things 2020. 

You can contribute to Laura’s IndigGoGo campaign to help fund her new digital singles collection that she’s already started releasing. The plan is to release six singles with an A and a B side, all working with different musicians and producers. I’d recommend the $50 Kitty Wells Dresses Pack, which gets you access to the digital singles as their released, a signed CD copy of both the singles collection and the Kitty Wells Dresses album, as well as a copy of Laura's essay on Kitty and Patsy Cline from the book "Rock and Roll Cage Match: Music's Greatest Rivalries"

Laura Cantrell is the rare performer whose work is deeply rooted in its original source material while still feeling fresh and exciting. Laura’s radio shows can be described the same way. A buried treasure unearthing buried treasure and taking the old and classic and making it new and lasting and so much sweeter. Laura Cantrell.

References and other stuff to check out:

Laura’s Indiegogo campaign for her digital singles series

The Radio Thrift Shop - Laura’s prior radio show. You can stream past episodes and check out her playlists

Gimmie Country, where Laura hosts her current show States of Country. New episodes air 3:00 Monday EST. Laura chats during the show with listeners in the app.

Darkhorse Radio on Sirius XM. Laura’s other show dedicated to George Harrison. New episodes air Thursday at 3:00.

John Peel wiki entry about Laura

TMBG wiki entry about Laura

A Wall Street journal feature on Laura

An NPR feature on Laura

A CNN Business Week feature on Laura

Stereogum archive of the Quit Your Day Job feature

#Laura Cantrell #country #classic country #americana #altcountry #Kitty Wells #They Might Be Giants #TMBG #Superchunk #Dolly Parton #Loretta Lynn #Patsy Cline #Emmylou Harris #Lucinda Williams #WFMU #States of Country #Darkhorse Radio #The Beatles #The Radio Thrift Shop #DJs #John Peel #Spotify #Mixcloud #music podcast #music history

[amphtaminedreams]

Filling the Met Shaped Hole (No, Not Like That): The Best Red Carpet Looks of Awards Season 2020

Hi to anyone reading,

I want to jump straight into things and ask a question. Which is the best Met Gala theme of the last 5 years and why is it Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination?

Seriously though, despite the fact that I’m not sure anything will top Heavenly Bodies with the preceding and succeeding Met Galas being relatively disappointing (the camp theme definitely could have been taken further and lets not even talk about the Comme Des Garcons disaster), I still get excited for the gala every year, staying up til whatever hour of the morning so I can see all the fashion live. Of course, it makes complete sense that this year’s event has been postponed until October given the circumstances but the chosen theme of Fashion and Duration had the potential to be quite interesting, so I hope we do eventually get to see it; whilst I don’t miss endlessly scrolling through photos of every white male celebrity wearing the exact same suit and tie to the point where fangirls claim Harry Styles to be a pioneer of breaking gender norms because he wore a pink top, I long for the days where we could all temporarily coexist in peace and harmony thanks to the internet’s collective dragging of the Kardashians for paying no attention to the theme whatsoever. We should’ve guessed life as we know it was about to be flipped on its head when they actually turned up in something interesting last year.

What I’m trying to say is that I would love nothing more than to jump back in time to when tomorrow morning’s top Google search would be best Met Gala looks, and not how many lives did Boris Johnson’s fuckery cost us today. So in honour of the lack of trivial content, I thought I’d fill the Met shaped hole in our lives (amongst many other unfilled holes; today the freezer door at work hit me on the ass whilst I was putting ice cubes out and I think for a split second I got all flushed) by putting together a collection of my personal favourite red carpet looks from this year’s awards season and their respective afterparties: the BAFTAs, Brits, Critic’s Choice Awards, Golden Globes, Oscars, SAG Awards, and the Grammys to finish with.

Enjoy!

British Academy of Film and Television Arts Award (yes, that’s the BAFTAs but I needed a longer title)

(L-R: Zoe Kravitz in Dior, Rooney Mara in Givenchy, and Scarlett Johansson in Versace)

I am a British fan of television and arts but I will gladly say it: of all the awards ceremonies, the BAFTAs is hardly the most exciting, and the red carpet even less so. As I said, lots of boring men in boring suits and middle aged women being dressed by stylists who seem to think we’re dead from the neck down by the time we hit 40 and dress us accordingly so. Any hint of a décolletage explicitly forbidden.

There were a few good looks, however. From left to right, above we have Zoe Kravitz in Dior, Rooney Mara in Givenchy and Scarlett Johansson in Versace, who looks so amazing I almost forget that 1). Versace is going down the drain and 2). Scarlett Johansson would stand in front of a forest and take the role of a tree if she could. Which, along with her whole defence of Woody Allen, is really shit-she’s genuinely great in Marriage Story and an otherwise talented actress. As for Zoe Kravitz, she is up there with Robert Pattison as one of my biggest crushes right now and looks amazing in literally everything she wears, and Rooney Mara is consistently low-key yet elegantly dressed. 

(L-R: Greta Gerwig in Gucci, Florence Pugh in Dries Van Noten, Renee Zellweger in Prada)

Renee Zellweger proved an exception to the rule when it came to women over the age of 40 generally having clueless stylists-her dress is beautiful, very reminiscent of the delicate, demure beauty of 50s icons such as Grace Kelly and Audrey Hepburn. Florence’s dress, I actually really loved. It didn’t seem to go down all too well with actual Florence Pugh fans but red and pink together is an elite combo; I’m still firmly on the “surprised that it works but I’m into it” train. I mainly included Greta’s dress for the green velvet, to be honest; it’s disappointingly low-key for Gucci but nice enough all the same.

(L-R: Andrew Scott in Paul Smith, Charlize Theron in Dior, Daisy Ridley in Oscar de la Renta, and Emilia Clarke in Schiaparelli)

I was particularly excited to see Emilia Clarke in Schiaparelli-yes, I adore her because she played Daenerys Targaryen and I was ride or die for that bitch but also whenever I see her interviewed she has the most exuberant energy and honestly I want to be best friends. It’s not the most interesting dress Schiaparelli has ever put out there, but I like the fact that she went for something unique all the same.

Forest green is a colour I find hard to resist which is why I included Andrew Scott’s otherwise kinda basic suit (points for it being velvet) and Daisy Ridley in Oscar de la Renta. As elegant as the dress is, I would love for her stylist to have really leaned into the forest nymph vibes I’m getting and do something a bit less uptight with the hair and makeup; like imagine loose curls with tiny braids and hair rings and a dark lip and a slight smoke around the eye and...yes, I have very specific visions, I know. As for Charlize Theron, her work with Dior is the only reason I care about the brand; there’s definitely a case to be made here for giving Maria Grazia the benefit of the doubt, assuming that she tries all the prototypes on women who look like Charlize and that that’s why she’s happy to send dresses that are otherwise relatively underwhelming down the runway. 

The Brit Awards

(L-R: Charli XCX in Fendi, Ellie Goulding in Koche, Hailee Steinfeld in Fendi, and Harry Styles in Gucci)

In my opinion a much better reflection of quintessential British style than the BAFTAs, I originally ruled out including any music award ceremony red carpets in this post until I saw Maya Jama and Charli XCX’s looks. Consider me pleasantly surprised by Hailee Steinfeld’s cobalt blue burnout dress, a classic incarnation of the regal bohemian aesthetic Fendi channelled in their 2019 haute couture show. Plus Charli’s emo take on Glinda the Good Witch is also Fendi, driving home for me just how much I love their collections. I don’t know if I’d be sure about Ellie Goulding’s dress on the rack but the simple styling makes it work and she looks gorgeous, and Harry Styles looks just as pretty in a Gucci look that is MADE for him.

(L-R: Adwoah Aboah in Vivienne Westwood, Celeste in Gucci on the far right! I’m not sure who the guy in the middle is, I’m sorry and if anybody knows drop me a message and I will correct this immediately!)

Unfortunately, Harry Styles and Celeste didn’t get to pose together because this is really a perfect his and hers Gucci look; I feel like seeing one outfit next to the other would really highlight the quirky elegance of each. That being said, it feels criminal to talk about elegance without including Adwoah Aboah in Vivienne Westwood in the sentence; the dress is obviously stunning quality on its own merit, but Adwoah is what elevates it from unremarkable to ethereal. Fuck the weird ass knight figure that’s currently on top of the Brit Award, this woman is the definition of statuesque! Put her on top of the trophy you cowards!

And just to get it out of the way, when it comes to the guy in the middle, to quote Keke Palmer:

Sorry to this man.

Honestly, I saved all the red carpet photos from a Nylon (I think it was Nylon?) article back when the awards aired and towards the end of the photos they stopped including names-this happened a few times when I was looking through red carpet galleries. I reverse image searched where I could but not every photo turned anything up. If anyone does know who this man is, message me so I can include his name. He looks sick, and as far as suits go, this one is built upon and accessorised enough that it’s actually a look rather than the same old variation of a suit we’ve seen a million times before that may as well be the straight man’s designated red carpet uniform. 

(L-R: Maya Jama, Neh Neh Cherry in Bottega Veneta, Laura Whitmore)

And now the woman that forced me to include the Brits red carpet in this post in the first place: Maya Jama. Don’t get me wrong, my mind isn’t blown by this dress on its own, I probably prefer Laura Whitmore’s (Jaded do a similar newspaper dress and I’ve resisted adding it to my basket for 6 months now, this is the ultimate test of whether or not I finally cave), but Maya looks fucking MAGNIFICENT. The fit, the gloves, the confidence with which she carries it, it’s all SO good. Considering the timing, this is basically her Princess Diana revenge dress levelled up, 2020′s Jessica Rabbit moment. 

(L-R: Maya Jama, Ellie Goulding, Kendall Jenner)

Obviously anything is gonna be a step down from the red carpet look but Maya’s Brits afterparty outfit was cute too, if a tad Pretty Little Thing. 

Don’t ask me what Kendall Jenner was doing at the Brits afterparty btw, because I have no idea. We live in a world where the Kardashian-Jenners just seem to occupy every public space possible and I’ve begrudgingly accepted it at this point. I don’t have the energy to question it-and it helps that green catsuit is actually Very Cool™. 

For the last of my favourite Brit Awards looks, we have a few more afterparty photos-from left to right we have Charli XCX again, Lizzo, and Anne Marie. It was Charli posting her dress on Instagram that sent me searching for afterparty looks in the first place; apparently wearing nothing but feathers and crystals is something that appeals to me, and the more I read that statement, the more it sounds spot-on. I’d categorise it as gothic glamour hoe, and slot it in with the rest of the night-out clothes in my wardrobe that I think I’ll finally have the balls to wear out of sheer desperation once this lockdown is over. The Blossom to Charli XCX’s Buttercup here, we’ve also got Anne Marie looking extra AF and I loveeeee it; it’s an ensemble somewhere between a high-end version of Alaska Thunderfuck’s candyfloss Sugar Ball dress from season 5 of Drag Race (Alaska DID deserve to win AS2 nation, rise up) and a low-key version of a Katy Perry California Dreams Tour costume. I don’t call it low-key as a drag, just a regretful admission of the fact that maybe wearing a cupcake bra which squirts whipped cream out of the boobs is a bit too much for most of us. 

Critic’s Choice Awards

(L-R: Alison Brie in Brandon Maxwell, Chloe Bridges in Azeeza, Cynthia Erivo in Fendi, Florence Pugh in Prada)

I was going to say the Critic’s Choice Awards is kind of America’s version of the BAFTAs but then I remembered that the BAFTAs is really the only big TV and film awards ceremony we have here in the UK and that it’s kind of sad that I have to compare our most high-profile red carpet of the year to L.A’s most low-key one. Getting Cynthia Erivo and Florence Pugh to infiltrate is the best we can do. 

THAT BEING SAID! 

They both look amazing. This is Florence’s best red carpet look of this year, imo (she the prettiest icicle I’ve ever seen), and Cynthia Erivo’s arm must ache from serving the entire awards season. And in Fendi! Taste!

Side note before we move onto the next set of looks: has anybody else watched Alison Brie in Mad Men and Community simultaneously and experienced the extreme cognitive dissonance that comes from watching her play a tragically nerdy (relatable tbh) 18 year old and an overly-sophisticated 30 something married to an ad man in the 60s at the same time? Weird, but anyway! The orange dress with the red lipstick is channelling Marina Diamandis’ Froot era style subtle sex appeal and is a timeless, playful combo. Put the hair up into a beehive and it’s Megan Draper on a date in Cabo-don’t know much about the place but I know the sea is aqua and the sun seekers are blindingly white and the cocktails are plentiful (and whatever colour you want them to be), and all that together is a juicy palette if we’re talking cinematography. The Mad Men directors are out there somewhere shaking their fists at the sky that they never got to consult me on that, I’m sure. 

(L-R: Phoebe Waller-Bridge in Dior, Saoirse Ronan in Erdem and Zendaya in Tom Ford)

Zendaya’s red carpet look was the stand out of the Critic’s Choice Awards for sure; the skirt I can do without but I hope that hot pink metal breastplate ends up on display somewhere because that is ART, and she is the perfect person to wear it. The Tiffany Pollard “she's so powerful” meme was made for this moment. 

Also, can we talk about Phoebe Waller-Bridge backing up my Dior 2019 Haute Couture wasn’t *that* bad hypothesis? Because unless I’m mistaken this is one of the dresses from that collection and it is quite beautiful. Yeah, black mesh isn’t going to start a revolution or anything but it’s so delicate looking it almost seems out of place on a red carpet-I don’t know if it’s the structure of the bodice or the tulle but I can totally see this in a gothic ballet, whether that’s sensible in theory or not. Probably not. But then again I did quit ballet when I was 10 after months of getting people to near poke me in the eye on the way out of class so it would look like I’d been crying and I didn’t have to go to my lessons after school. So what do I know? Fuck all, in case that wasn’t clear. I also feel a little vindicated by Saoirse wearing one of the Erdem dresses I loved from last year’s collection-if multi-award winning actress Saoirse Ronan’s probably ridiculously well-paid stylist liked it enough to pick it out for her then I guess I’m doing okay in terms of taste levels.

(L-R: Olivia Wilde in Valentino, Lucy Hale in Miu Miu, Mandy Moore in Elie Saab, and Margaret Qualley in Chanel)

The last few Critics Choice Awards looks I picked out above aren’t thrilling or anything but they’re cute enough to include-from left to right we have Olivia Wilde in Valentino, Lucy Hale in Miu Miu, Mandy Moore in Elie Saab and Margaret Qualley in Chanel. It’s kind of besides the point, but Margaret worked with Chanel throughout awards season and I just wanted to add my two cents in here and say that I think she’s the perfect person to collaborate with (also think Laura Harrier would be a good match, anyone agree?) and that in a similar vein, I urge Miu Miu, the creative directors of which I’m sure are eagerly awaiting the opinion of irrelevant Tumblr user amphtaminedreams, to work with Lucy Hale more often. I feel like if girl stopped starring in those shitty Blumhouse horrors and did something a bit more sophisticated she’d fit the brand right down to a T.

The Golden Globes

(L-R: Cynthia Erivo in Thom Browne, Dakota Fanning in Dior, Jane Levy in Steven Khalil, and Janina Gavankar in Georges Chakra)

Finally! I hear you cry! A more exciting red carpet! It’s not the Oscars, but celebrity stylists still pulled the big guns for this one, the Golden Globes probably being considered the second most prestigious American awards ceremony of the year. Plus Dakota Fanning was there! Big yay for me! She and Elle can practically do no wrong in my eyes and are probably the only 2 women that could take on Dakota Johnson and Jennifer Lawrence when it comes to established red carpet style. 

Cynthia Erivo did it again, of course, as slick, as dignified and as regal as she was at the Critic’s Choice. The woman really has got this power stance thing locked down; she always seems so cool and confident in everything she wears that the whole getting dressed up to go out out out (we call going to the club going “out out”, but I’d say a red carpet is a slightly bigger deal than my local club with the sticky floors hence the 3rd out) thing looks like second nature.

(L-R: Zoey Deutch in Fendi, Karamo Brown in Grayscale, Lucy Boynton in Louis Vuitton and Kat Graham in Georges Hobeika)

Lucy Boynton was another of my Golden Globes stand outs, and in general is someone who I really look forward to seeing at red carpet events. She (or her stylist, I don’t know how much of a role she plays!) always seems to commit fully to an outfit and sees it as part of a whole concept where the makeup, hair and accessories are equally as important and that is a girl after my own heart. 60s space age empress is the theme here and I’m all about it-well, either that or a feminine editorial take on the tinman from the Wizard of Oz but the former sounds a bit cooler and does way more justice to how good she looks so we’ll go with that. Quick shoutout to Kat Graham too because she looked absolutely radiant. 

(L-R: Shailene Woodley in Balmain, Winnie Harlow in Laquan Smith, and Zoe Kravitz in Saint Laurent)

The trio above I really couldn’t skim over, Winnie Harlow especially; my America’s Next Top Model grudges aside, she consistently turns it out at every event she’s invited to. She’s another woman that wears pieces with such confidence that they look like they were actually made on her body-even if the garment itself isn’t the most breathtaking in the room, she’s the one that draws my attention. Though she’s got these dainty, other-worldly qualities about her, what you’d expect to be a gentle presence is firm and commanding and whilst the sharp drama and glitz of the dress probably helps, that’s just the way Winnie Harlow is naturally, based on her other red carpet appearances. 

Zoe Kravitz is an interesting one because, on the one hand, her looking amazing with that bone structure (I would trade a vital organ to look like that any day) is a given, but it does also seem like she went out of her way to do something a bit different this past awards season. I have always loved her street style for its trademark edge and the androgynous, oversized silhouettes that she leans towards, and the overt femininity of her red carpet dresses is that grungy, skater girl aesthetic completely flipped on its head. It’s cute, and if anyone can pull a dress as kitschy as this off, it’s Zoe. She’s got that just rolled out of bed look we all dream of that screams “I’m over this shit” whereas the rest of us have to rely on dark circles to get the message across. It’s very weird to think that she and Shailene Woodley were in Divergent together, especially since Zoe in particular has changed so much since. 

My main note with Shailene was just that I got excited to see that Balmain dress off the runway-it was one of my favourites from the S/S 2020 collection (IIRC, mostly on the basis that I’m pretty sure it wan’t haute couture), and it looks good! Not wildly good because I’m not sure the fit of the dress is inherently all that flattering, but still good-she makes it work.

(L-R: Taylor Swift in Etro, Sofia Carson in Giambattista Valli and Scarlett Johansson in Vera Wang)

I know a lot of people online didn’t seem to like Taylor Swift’s dress, but she looks cute, imo. I will say that I’m surprised it’s Etro! At first glance I would’ve thought Carolina Herrera or Oscar de la Renta or something along those lines. And predictably, I think Sofia Carson looks flawless. If you’ve read any of my other posts you’re probably sick of hearing it but I really can’t resist anything that is this modern Disney princess, like powder pink layered tulle? Feathers? What did you expect me to say, ew? I think deep down my clothing preferences will always be that of a 9 year old girl and you know what, that’s okay. Sometimes. Well, when it comes to red carpets. That’s when you can kinda get away with it.

(L-R: Bell Powley in Miu Miu, Billy Porter in Alex Vinash, and Charlize Theron in Dior)

There’s a few things worth mentioning when it comes to the above outfits. Firstly, and most importantly, I need to proclaim my love for Billy Porter. No man is doing it like him, honestly. To compare Harry Styles in his pink suits is unfair. The drama and the beauty and the flair that Billy brings every awards ceremony is on another level and that’s all I have to say about that. If you disagree, I’m gonna need a bullet pointed essay-I am that firm in my opinion.

Second, Bell Powley in Miu Miu semi confirms the direction their PR team tend to head in when choosing women to work with. I might be totally alone here but I feel like she and Lucy Hale both have one of those porcelain doll faces which work really well with Miu Miu’s signature girlish silhouettes and overly-ornate details. 

And thirdly, just to restate my earlier point: someone give Charlize Theron a pat on the back for bringing some life to a Dior design. That is all.

(L-R: Jodie Comer in Mary Katrantzou, Joey King in Schiaparelli and Kaitlyn Dever in Valentino)

All the newcomers really turned it out too, which is a sentence I type through gritted teeth; to call Jodie Comer of My Mad Fat Diary origins a newcomer pains the former depressing 2013 black and white Tumblr user in me, though I suppose to the US audiences uncultured in the ways of British teenage angst Vilanelle is her breakthrough role. And how Vilanelle is this dress too!? It’s bold and it’s attention-grabbing and it’s fun and it is definitely very theatrical female fictional villain that you were inexplicably drawn to as a child before you realised why as an adult-”oh, it’s because she was hot”. 

Joey King in Iris van Herpen was a pleasant surprise too considering that when I first looked through the red carpet photos I only knew her as the girl who was in that shitty Netflix original-having watched her in The Act, I apologise for the dismissal! And I admire the sartorial choice! I adore Iris van Herpen designs but as a short girl, wearing one of her dresses to a red carpet event is a risky decision-I hate to admit it because casting a diverse range of people for shows is something I have come to expect of my favourite brands, but the appeal of a lot of IvH pieces comes from the movement of the garments on standard willowy runway models. Fortunately, the styling is really complementary here, and whilst it can’t be denied that the dress itself does swamp her a bit, I liked that she and her stylist stepped out of the box. 

Kaitlyn Dever’s red carpet look is obviously a lot more typical, but you can't go wrong with a Valentino dress, and this one in particular is so suited to the aura she gives off-it’s young and it’s fun and it’s fresh and the intricate floral print, otherwise muted if not for the spring influenced pops of pink and red, is timelessly pretty.

(L-R: Akwafina in Dior, Saoirse Ronan in Celine, Beanie Feldstein in Oscar de la Renta, and Renee Zellweger in Armani)

Lastly, there was Saoirse Ronan in Celine-one of my highlights of the night; she looked phenomenal, a glacial toned dream, and it was pretty different to what I generally expect to see her in. I might be way off base and in need of a bit of a review of her red carpet style, but I feel like she usually leans more towards pretty than edgy with regards to her styling at these kinds of events and a loose fitting, gun metal glittered slip dress is, imo, the perfect way to hit that previously uncharted midway point between the two.

(L-R: Kate Bosworth in Prabal Gurung, Kathryn Newton in Valentino and Sarah Hyland)

Now onto the afterparty looks, and I’m not gonna lie, they’re usually the highlight of the ceremonies for me; I feel like the initial ceremony is all about looking respectful and maintaining that whole dedicated actor image, whereas it seems the literal point of these showbiz parties is a competition to be the best dressed person in the room. Competition really makes people step their game up, and we always get to see more young talent whose style tends to be more current than that of the people we see on the red carpet. 

I’ve got to say, as annoying as I found her character in The Society, I have to overlook that gut instinct of irritation when I see Kathryn Newton and accept how stunning everything going on here is; honestly, she looks like an angel, and I feel like the team at Valentino must reeeeally like her to put her in that dress.

(L-R: Alexa Demie, Ashley Benson in Georges Hobeika, Maude Apatow and Barbie Ferreira)

Obviously I was super excited to see the Euphoria girls on the red carpet, especially Alexa Demie-she does 90s/early noughties inspired glamour better than anyone else on the young actor scene right now and her personal style and the sass she does so well as Maddy Perez shines through every time. Whilst Barbie Ferreira’s look is more casual and achievable for the rest of us in terms of wearability, it’s just as interesting a take on the same period; the delicate pink makeup, hair and jewellery with the 90s inspired slip dress in light teal is a red carpet take on soft grunge for the ages. As for Ashley Benson, she always looks gorgeous and that’s all I’m gonna say before I get emotional and start going into a rant about how her and Cara Delevigne’s relationship was one of the only good things about this shitshow of a year and how now that they’ve broken up the single flame of hope inside me has been extinguished and how their sex swing is gonna get so lonely with them caught in the middle of an ugly custody battle and-

You get the idea.

(L-R: Storm Reid, Sophia Bush in John Paul Ataker, and Sydney Sweeney)

(L-R: Billie Lourd, Paris Hilton, and Camila Morrone)

The Oscars

(L-R: Charlize Theron in Dior, Cynthia Erivo, and Florence Pugh in Louis Vuitton)

Ah, the Oscars. This is where the big money is really spent, and bad decisions are made-in fairness, this year’s winners were a lot more satisfying than usual and I think all of us felt that Parasite was a well-deserved win. I really thought it was gonna be Once Upon a Time in Hollywood just as a bit of a token gesture to Tarantino considering it’s his 9th film, though undoubtedly his worst of the ones I’ve seen, so I was relieved that this wasn’t the case. That being said, it still pains me to see the horror genre being ignored by the academy-in my mind, Florence is here for her performance in Midsommar just as much as Little Women. 

At the risk of getting repetitive, just assume my opinions on Charlize Theron in Dior here are the same again, that Cynthia Erivo is still bringing goddess energy (this is probably my favourite of her looks), and that against the opinion of the masses, Florence looks divine in this colour. I mean, when I say the masses I just mean the people I follow on Twitter, but still, I just wanted be an excuse to be dramatic so that I could insert a meme.

(L-R: Natalie Portman in Dior, Regina King in Versace, Scarlett Johansson in Oscar de la Renta, and Sandra Oh in Elie Saab)

Once again, Scarlett Johansson’s stylist is doing God’s work; this outfit is everythingggg-the Oscar de la Renta dress is probably my favourite thus far. Like we’re talking angel, but make it fitted and sexy, and I hope you read that in the Tyra Banks voice I intended because 2 memes in a row would rob me of any credibility I’m building as a fashion account and I’m not ready to trash that for bad memes just yet; give it a couple of mental breakdowns and I’ll be there. Natalie Portman’s look was a favourite of mine too, with the cape over the top adding a sophisticated touch to the celestial, slightly bohemian feel of the dress. I initially found the detail of the names embroidered into said cape to be quite moving-in a dream world, directing would be my career of choice and so I really admired the statement-but finding out that Portman herself is the only director hired by her own production company ruined that for me a little bit. Then again, multi-millionaire celebrities making performative gestures for good publicity and not doing all that much to make any real change? Colour me shocked.

(L-R: Beanie Feldstein in Miu Miu, Brie Larson in Celine and Billie Eilish in Chanel)

Now, of all the Miu Miu looks so far, I think Beanie Feldstein definitely got the best one. The intricacy of the embroidery, the silhouette, the old Hollywood stye curls-it’s all so graceful. I’d say this is probably her best look of awards season and she and her stylist did a really great job.

And as for Billie Eilish...Guys...do you think she might be wearing...Chanel...by any chance? I’m not sure.

Seriously though, as far as an oversized tweed suit with the brand’s logo emblazoned all over it goes, I like this look. The acid green roots and the jewellery are what make it for me, adding to the grunginess of the outfit which is interesting against Chanel’s prim and proper aesthetic of the last few years. I know she has good reason for the way she dresses, but I’ve never quite been able to appreciate it-this outfit proves to me that her style doesn't automatically equal ugly and occasionally, she can make it work.

(L-R: Leona Lewis, Colton Haynes, Dita von Teese)

Elton John’s Oscars afterparty being the less exciting of the two big ones in terms of fashion-the other being the Vanity Fair afterparty which I’ll cover in a moment-I thought I’d whizz through it (posturing aside though, I bet Sir Elton’s party was a lot more fun).

(L-R: Chiara Ferragni, Donatella Versace, Bella Thorne)

This is a big statement considering Alexa Demie attended, but I think Chiara’s outfit and overall styling might be my favourite of the partygoers; if they decided to do a live action Barbie film in 2020 minus the PG ratio-because lets be real, she’d be a noughties Paris Hilton type and get up to some SHENANIGANS-this is the look that would become iconic. 

(L-R: Ashley Greene in Off-White, Alexa Demie, Sydney Sweeney, Annalynne McCord)

It was a hard decision to make though: I’m just as into Sydney Sweeney’s interpretation of burlesque come 1950s red carpet Barbie, Ashley Greene’s surprisingly delicate Off-White number, and Alexa’s dress and (as always) impeccable styling. That being said, Chiara’s clearest contender here for the best dressed of the night is Annalynne McCord. I know I'm one to throw similes around but she looks like an ACTUAL Disney princess-the dress is magical and an absolutely flawless fit. She carries it with such grace. I'm truly in love.

(L-R: Tessa Thompson in Versace, Vanessa Hudgens in Vera Wang, SZA)

As for the Vanity Fair Oscars afterparty, there were SO many iconic moments this year. SZA was the definition of the fire emoji, Tessa Thompson’s throwback Versace was the mermaid’s take on BDSM fashion I never knew I need to see, and I’d die to turn up to my graduation ceremony (here’s hoping for a successful attempt at the old uni shebang this time, lol) looking as elegant and simultaneously extra as Vanessa Hudgens did in Vera Wang. I mean, this was before Vanessa went on her dumb Instagram live corona rant because she was upset she couldn’t go to Coachella and I still kinda lived for her, mostly because of moments like this. She’s always been the queen of channelling a more hedonistic, carefree era and this dress is the most refined example of that boho decadence yet. It sounds dramatic to say but the rich purple is such a bold choice considering it’s a a colour we rarely see on the red carpet but now I’ve seen eggplant coloured silk I need it, lol. 

(L-R: Suki Waterhouse in Fendi, Lili Reinhart in Marc Jacobs, Lucy Boynton and Margaret Qualley in Chanel)

Then there was Suki, Lilly, Lucy and Margaret as well who all went full angel mode in some of my favourite runway looks of last summer’s haute couture week; Suki’s Fendi dress and Lili’s Marc Jacobs number were highlights of both their shows and there’s something even more magical about them both when the uniformity of the runway is removed. I also would go on about how much I love Lucy Boynton’s style for the millionth time but I think you get my point.

(L-R: Nicole Richie, Cynthia Erivo, Hunter Schafer, Billie Porter)

The more I look at the photos I saved from the Vanity Fair “red” carpet, the more I come to the firm conclusion that these looks are my favourite as a collective. Along with the elegance and sex appeal of the outfits above, we’ve got all these looks too which are so VIBRANT and fun and experimental. Billie Porter is absolutely majestic and continues his reign as the king of in-your-face, theatrical red carpet style, and Hunter and Cynthia look so radiant. Whilst Nicole’s look isn’t as colourful, she still brought drama with the satin gloves and the smoke lined eyes, and she is definitely ready to step on someone’s neck here.

(L-R: Halima Aden, Ella Balinska in Schiaparelli, Emma Roberts, Ciara)

(L-R: Kiki Layne in Michael Kors, Kim Kardashian in Alexander McQueen, Kylie Jenner in Ralph and Russo, Lashana Lynch in Michael Kors)

(L-R: Rowan Blanchard in Iris van Herpen, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Stella Maxwell, and Sarah Paulson with Holland Taylor)

I’ve got to say, it’s really cool to see Rowan Blanchard in Iris van Herpen too; it’s interesting that as far as I know, she and Joey King were the only ones to wear her this awards season, both being up and coming actresses. It would be a good choice for the brand, probably best known for its futuristic, conceptual aesthetic, to also focus its PR efforts on the young potential inheriting that future. Orrrr it could just be that Rowan, Joey and I have the same (good, lol) taste-not gonna lie, from my experience of stalking her instagram Rowan Blanchard does make some unique fashion choices and her feed is full of bold outfit inspiration.

(L-R: Adriana Lima in Ralph and Russo, Alessandra Ambrosio in Armani, Billie Eilish in Gucci, and Donatella Versace in Versace)

Then there’s Billie Eilish, who is really on another level. This is her second custom made baggy suit of the night, this time Gucci. IMAGINE. Chanel and Gucci making custom pieces to suit your very specific style. Again, though, I really like this; whilst it’s very clearly a Billie outfit, it’s got a level of sophistication, cohesiveness and glamour to it that takes it to that I can admire. 

(L-R: Camila Mendes in Moschino, Barbara Palvin and Dylan Sprouse, and Chiara Ferragni)

Honestly, the Vanity Fair red carpet really belonged to young talent this year, and Camila Mendes in one of my favourite Moschino looks from the Picasso collection really seals it. She could’ve just gone for a basic pretty dress-this isn’t a natural choice-but she really does have the proud, regal look of a woman who knows some man is gonna paint her a portrait that will end up in a famous gallery one day. 

One last thing before I move on, though. How the fuck does Chiara Ferragni get everywhere?! And by that I don’t mean how does she get invited, I had the shock of finding out this woman I followed on Instagram because I liked her outfits and thought she was pretty is a hugely successful businesswoman in Italy long ago. Power to her. She’s a big deal! I get it! I just mean, physically HOW? How do you hit Elton John’s party AND the Vanity Fair party in one night and look this good? God really does have favourites, huh. Well, I guess in this hypothetical scenario where I believe in him anyway. 

The SAG Awards

(L-R: Dakota Fanning in Valentino, Kaitlyn Dever in Ralph Lauren, Scarlett Johansson in Armani, and Zoe Kravitz in Oscar de la Renta)

So, I kinda forgot the SAG awards existed and thought that my post was basically finished before I looked in my folder and saw the one dedicated to this ceremony. My initial reaction was like “oh, this is the shitty Oscars, right?” and I assumed the red carpet would be shit and that I could call it a night-it’s 3:30am, I wish I was calling it a night-but then I looked and saw that I had even more outfit photos saved in that folder than I did for my Oscar dedicated one. Because fuck, I want to to sleep, but the SAG awards had a surprisingly good turn out?! So maybe not as irrelevant a ceremony as I thought? Because Dakota Fanning turned up looking like some divine mythical being again, Scarlett Johansson pulled another incredible look out the bag, Zoe Kravitz was a modernised Audrey Hepburn, and Kaitlyn Dever read my comments about her dress being “timelessly pretty” and said “bitch, you really thought” before showing up looking hot as fuck. Truth be told, I think the SAG awards were first but in this universe where Kaitlyn Dever would pay any attention to my opinion of her outfit do we really care? 

(L-R: America Ferrera, Andrew Scott in Azzaro Couture, Camila Mendes in Ralph and Russo, Caleb McLaughlin )

(L-R: Lupita Nyongo in Louis Vuitton, Lily Allen, Nathalie Emmanuel in Miu Miu, Cynthia Erivo in Schiaparelli)

See, I was going to make a comment above how I took back what I said about Camila Mendes not just going for pretty dresses (which I guess I just did here instead-JUST TO BE CLEAR SHE STILL LOOKS STUNNING) and then I uploaded the next photo set and got distracted by 2 things:

1. How weird it is that British legend Lily Allen, who does not get NEAR enough credit for her smart her songs were might I add, is dating David Harbour AKA. Hopper off Stranger Things!?

2. How mad I still am about Game of Thrones and how dirty the writers did Nathalie Emmanuel (and Emilia Clarke and Lena Heady and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau and basically everyone else on that show but that’s another story).

In this same universe where Kaitlyn Dever cares about my opinion can we make the issues I have in the last bullet point not exist? Please?

(L-R: Sophie Turner in Louis Vuitton, Renee Zellweger in Maison Margiela, Phoebe Waller-Bridge in Armani, and Renee Bargh)

(L-R: Gwendoline Christie in Rick Owens, Madeline Brewer in Monique Lhuillier, Kathryn Newton in Valentino, and Lili Reinhart in Miu Miu)

Finishing off the SAG looks, we’ve got the four above. 

Once again, Kathryn Newton was Valentino’s blushing crown jewell; Allie Pressman hate aside, she really is the perfect dressing up doll for the brand. Fresh faced and poised, she has all the elegance and gentle femininity necessary to make floating down the runway as Valentino models do look natural, and Lili Reinhart did an equally good job being a Miu Miu girl. She makes that idiosyncratic cutesy-ness work, all the frills and fragility of a china tea set look easy where I’d just look like I’d been consumed by a charity shop doily. Madeline Brewer did a good job too, helping a Monique Lhuillier design pop in a way that it doesn’t usually. When your hair is bright red and your dress cerulean blue, coral tinted lipstick is a *ahem* choice, buuut in this case it paid off because the result is a look which demanded my attention-ML dresses are reliably pretty, however, they tend to be predictable. Madeline and her styling did a good job subverting that formula. To end the section, though, I feel it’s only fair to save my fave woman til last-probably one of the few people in the world that isn’t a Rick Owens model that can pull off his designs. Ofc, I’m talking about the queen that is Gwendoline Christie. If we’re talking embodying brands, she did justice like nobody else could to the spectacle of Owens’ formidable, out-of-this-world aesthetic. This is her version of the princess moment, and when you’re as striking as she is, nothing less would do. 

At least my girl Brienne of Tarth is thriving<3

The Grammys

(L-R: Ariana Grande in Giambattista Valli, Cardi B in Mugler, and Pia Mia in Julien Macdonald)

TBH, like I said with the Brits, I never planned to do any music award ceremony red carpets, just because I feel like the fashion tends to be more geared towards a younger audience buuuut I’m kinda glad I changed because Ariana looks INCREDIBLE. MESMERISING. TRANSCENDENT. JFC. There’s a reason the photo of her on her Wiki page has been changed to one from this night and it’s because she looks absolutely exquisite, like some kind of moon goddess with an R&B touch which I suppose is kind of her brand? Sometimes I go kind of lukewarm on Giambattista Valli and forget how mystical but at the same time frothy and indulgent and all around luxurious the pieces can be. This is a cupcake of a dress and I want to eat it. Cardi B has become a bit of an unexpected fashion icon and Pia Mia looks as hot-party-girl as ever but I feel to put anyone next to Ariana in this dress seems harsh because she just completely stole the show and I don’t even know if she won any Grammys.

(L-R: Josephine Relli, Gwen Stefani, Jameela Jamil in Georges Chakra, and Chrissy Teigen in Yanina Couture)

Other than Ariana, I’m not gonna lie, there was nothing wildly exciting, BUT I did think there were some beautiful colours out on the runway-plus for all her occasionally bad takes I really like what Jameela Jamil stands for and her style has always been very quirky cool. The electric blue tiled effect with the black mesh underneath kinda reminds me of a peacock, and contrasts wonderfully with the carpet-it’s very reminiscent of her T4 days. She’s one of those people that seems to get aggression directed at her that’s completely disproportionate to whatever it is she’s supposed to have done; sometimes the way she goes about saying things is wrong but the intention behind what she’s saying is usually good. Then again, the internet still despises Chrissy Teigen (in a way that’s kind of excessive considering what we seem to collectively let some people get away with) for a dumb AirPods tweet and I’ve included her too. THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL STATEMENT, this time anyway. I just think she looks good!

If I’m going to get controversial about anything, it’ll be Gwen Stefani. She looks stunning, the dress is stunning, and the boots are stunning. The outfit is not my problem! My problem is how she seems not to have aged at all. This woman is 50 years old! That she drank the blood of her Harajuku girls is the only explanation here. Can you imagine if she tried to pull that shit today? She’d get rightly accused of being a culturally appropriating weeb in about 10 seconds flat and we’d have to pretend to stop liking Cool and Hollaback Girl. 

(L-R: Finneas O’Connell in Gucci, Lucky Daye, and Shaun Ross)

(L-R: Tess Holliday, Dua Lipa in Alexander Wang, Tyler the Creator, and Grace Elizabeth in Giuseppe di Morabito)

Back to what I’m supposed to be talking about in this blog post: the fashion. And here, most importantly, Tyler the Creator looking like a cast member of the Grand Budapest Hotel. IDK why. But I love this man.

(L-R: Lil Nas X in Versace, Lizzo in Versace, and Shawn Mendes in Louis Vuitton)

(L-R: Billie Porter, FKA Twigs in Ed Marler, and Swae Lee in Giuseppe Zanotti)

See in general, the men were a lot more interesting on the Grammys red carpet. With the exception of Twigs, Dua and obviously Ariana, the men’s outfits are a lot more memorable; Billie Porter became the most fashionable meme on the internet, for god’s sake. And even when their outfits weren’t extravagant, they were just more interesting, imo, which is a rare occurrence. I didn’t expect Finneas O’Connell to be the writing half of Billie Eilish (the other half being Billie herself) I cared about and yet, in that Gucci blazer, here we are. 

(L-R: Jessie J, Hailee Steinfeld, and Madison Beer)

(L-R: H.E.R, Usher, FKA Twigs, and Matt Shultz)

Of the afterparty looks, my favourites are what we can see of these more casual outfits-I love what F.K.A Twigs and H.E.R are wearing, the headscarf with the leatherjacket on top is in particular very throwback rockabilly, and I’m even into whatever it is Usher’s got on.

(L-R: Olivia O’Brien, Amine, and Alrissa)

(L-R: Salem Mitchell, Machine Gun Kelly, and Sydney Sweeney)

Now, how to round this all up!? How to relate the confusingly persistent but very welcome presence of Sydney Sweeney on, like, ALL these red carpets back to the MET!?

IDEK. It’s been a long year. 

The Met Gala has usually come and gone before we know it, but with everything going on, it’s been the longest January-May I think most of us have ever known. I keep going on about COVID-19 in all my posts now but I have almost forgotten how to write an intro and outro because the pandemic is pretty much consistently on the brain and unless I have something right in front of me to use as a distraction, my mind tends to wander off into a very anxious place. I think, like many others, I feel frustrated and disappointed and angry with the way the situation is being handled by the people who are supposed to protect their citizens, and by how much of a fight some are putting up against measures that are in place to try and save lives. The point of this ramble, I guess, is that whilst we should never forget what’s going on and do the best we can to help prevent the spread of the virus, it’s okay to still care about mundane shit. Was this post one big long distraction for me? Probably. But if there’s something harmless you can do to keep your anxiety at bay, don’t feel bad for doing it. Contrary to popular belief, you can care about more than one thing at once. You can be sad that something you were looking forward to has been cancelled whilst still being sad for the people who are suffering because they’ve lost love ones or who have been forced into precarious living conditions. If talking about clothes on the internet is going to help you get through this pandemic, power to you.

If anyone has read til the end, thank you! I hope you are well! As always, feel free to reply to the post or inbox me with your thoughts! It doesn’t even have to be related to this post. If you’re struggling with everything going on, feel free to reach out too. I spend too much time on the internet anyway, lol! My plans are to finish my fashion week reviews and then I have a Lana Del Rey albums inspired lookbook which I pinched off the stans on Twitter (who I will of course credit when I write it!). For the time being, look after yourselves!

Lauren x

#met gala #fashion #high fashion #red carpet #haute couture #dior #chanel #style #style inspiration #fashion review #outfit inspo #designer #pop culture #celebrity #zoe kravitz #brie larson #cardib #ariana grande #film #oscars #award season #beauty #beauty inspiration #armani #runway #dresses #marc jacobs #lili reinhart #miu miu #saoirse ronan

[shadowlink06]

Trades

I did my first trade with @amazingferret and learned a lot while working with on the piece with them. To start off with yes, I will accept trades although I do have some guidelines/quirks you should be be aware of before inquiring.

Trades can be: art-for-fanfic or fanfic-for-fanfic depending. If you have another idea or medium that you work with (maybe plushies or some other artistic media for example), by all means feel free to pitch it. I am working on my drawing skills this year as a resolution to myself, but my skill level is nothing that I feel would be up to par to offer as part of a trade. I strictly offer writing from my end.

I honestly don’t expect to have a commission request but yes I am willing to do those if you are interested. If I do, I’ll make a separate post as my criteria for doing a commission is different for a trade.

How long does it take?

Always check my Trello to see my current workload: https://trello.com/b/m1tVuzmq/wips

I usually give myself a 30-60 day completion duration to do a trade after you approve the pitch idea. I have a full time job and I usually freeze all my personal projects in order to complete your trade. If I have to do further research, that is part of the reason that a story may take longer to write. (This can include looking up information needed to make an AU for instance, reading a fic that my pitch may be based on, looking up information about a character that I don’t know much about, etc). This is just a general estimate. A story may take longer to finish, it may be shorter depending on the subject matter/characters involved since some situations are easier to write about than others. Keep in mind, everything that I do will be made from scratch. I try my best to keep in contact with you to let you know the status. You can ask for access to the Google Doc to see the story being written from the prompt/pitch stage to finished state if you so wish. If you opt to do this, the story will be messy and likely not make a lot of sense since I skip around and write scenes rather than be a chronological writer. I do not pay attention to my word count when doing trades. What I am more concerned about is creating a story with the prompt you gave me and hitting all of the details that were pitched. It is very important that you give me time, and don’t rush me. I put a lot of love and effort in my stories and this is why I’ll only accept trades one at a time. 

How do you write?

Style: 1st Person/3rd Person only. If you don’t specify which one, my default is 3rd person. I won’t do a 2nd person/reader interactive story - this is out of my comfort zone.

Subject matter: I won’t shy away about writing about heavy subject matter from violence, abuse, non-con, torture etc. I actually do well with these types of stories. There may be limitations and I will let you know when we discuss the prompt idea and pitch  

Strengths:

IC Personalities: Characters usually will stay true to their in-character selves from the source material. I'm strict with myself regarding this unless a plot detail forces them to be altered.

Tone: You need to probably see examples of my current work, but I will always consider myself a dark fanfiction writer and as such the tone of my writing usually stays true to this. I can alter it if needed, but I do encourage you to see my current work on AO3 to get an idea with how my writing style looks like and what to expect.

Weaknesses:

Fluff/Cute/Happy Fics: This isn’t a automatic no if you want a story of this nature, but keep in mind, I rarely write these types of stories. I like tension in my works and my experience is that it’s hard to pull it off with these types of fics when writing.

PWP: It’s boring to me. Yes I can write explicit scenes, but they always have to lead up to it for it to feel organic.

Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics

Male Pregnancy

Gender Swaps

What do you need from me?*

Fandom: I’m currently involved in with FFXV heavily, although I do have other fandoms I am familiar with. You should keep in mind, I’m in my 30s so the anime/video games that I’m most familiar with may be seen as “classics”. I don’t have much time to watch anime like I used to so, I only know the ones that I grew up and bonded with. This list highlights the ones I can pick up easily, although it is not exhaustive. Chances are if it was made between 1990-2000 and came to Cartoon Network/Toonami/Adult Swim, I’ll know about it. Yes I do have video game Fandoms as well, but again, you’ll have to ask. If you want me to do a fanfic or AU featuring something else not on this list I’ll likely need more time to research it. You can also just tell me to look up background information and I can work with that too.

Pairings: Usually I like to work one/two specific pairing(s) so I can develop their relationship within a story. Parings can be gay, straight, or even platonic in nature. I am rare-pair/crackship friendly and will happily take on challenge writing prompts as long as it’s an interesting plot.

Rating: I need to know the rating and if you are okay with explicit scenes being included, or other triggering details that you may not want in the story. I can fade to black if you are uncomfortable with reading smut but want to allude that it is happening in the story too. Typically my works are explicit but I can tone it down to the teen rating.

Universe/Plot/Setting: The story can fall in line with the canon material, be an AU, be divergent from the canon source material etc. I just need to know for research purposes. 

Prompt: The basis for the story. This can be a quote, a phrase, music lyrics, a scene you wish to see etc. I need this if nothing else in order for me to formulate a pitch that I send to you. We can work together refining if even if you just have a vague idea.

Considerations: What you want included in your fic. This can range from it having a specific tone to a piece (for instance do you want it to be angst, suspense, bittersweet), side characters being added, scenes appearing, or in a specific setting.

Limitations: What you don’t want to see in the story. It could be you don’t want mentions of characters not appearing, perhaps making sure that a scene/circumstance isn’t present in the work etc.

*In general, there has to be a medium. If you give me free range, my hands aren’t tied trying to fulfill every detail and the story will feel more organic. On the other hand, I do need direction as to what you want so you will be happy with the end product.

Fandom Specific Limitations/Considerations:

FFXV: Gladio - He is hard for me to write about. If I'm honest, I likely will decline a trade that makes me write him in a sexual way because it is outside of my comfort zone. Platonic relationships involving him are fine but again, be mindful that I struggle a lot to write this character in a believable way. 

#trade information #about me #about my writing

[furin-chwan]

LuTen fic recommendations: a few favorites.

So I spent the last month falling in love with LuTen, Yukten, Tencas, whatever you want to call it. I read through the Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Wong Yukhei | Lucas tag on AO3 in English, then doubled around to google translate all fics in languages that is not English because that is how much whipped I am for this pairing.

In the process, I discovered some gems that broke my heart, some healed my soul, some got me howling in laughters and some made me falling even deeper in love with LuTen.

Now that I’m pretty much up-to-date with the tag, I want to compile a short list of my All-Time-Favorites, Favorites, and Honorable mentions. I’ll try not to talk about the defails, so you don’t get spoiler and can enjoy it to the fullest. (I also want to say, I love reading things with Angst, but I mostly can’t stand if if it’s not Happy End. So there will be a couple that will hurt, as a warning)

This is gonna be lengthy since I ramble a lot! So I’ll keep it to top 3 and a few honorable mentions. They will all be completed works.

First off,

In Shades by the munchking.

This work. I cannot, CANNOT, recommend it enough. I have so much to say about it, but at the same time, I don’t know what really to say. It left me a broken, sobbing mess after reading it. I don’t think I was ever really the same anymore. This is truly one of the best work I have read, across all of the fandoms. There was a recess period where I cannot even think about it because it would hurt in the best way, but it was still too much. I love it with all my heart, so much that I was so sad after reading it, then so mad, then I now just re-read it every other day.

The characters, the world-building, the writings, they are just absolutely unparalleled. There is so much depths to everything, and everytime I read it, I would catch something about the story, the foreshadows, the tiny tibbits of brilliance that I never did before. I have this work always open on my phone browser, just so I can go back and quickly read it whenever the urge hits me. It has everything from angst, fluff, the smexy stuffs, the badass-ness, everything.

While I will quote the whole fic to find a favorite part, since it is that brilliant, I can’t do that hear because that’ll be spoilers, so here’s a snippet:

The trouble with love, Ten thinks, is that it blinds you. It’s the most powerful force in the world, and according to Ten’s first law of motion, objects in love tend to stay in love. Ten really doesn’t want to fight.

If I ever have to pick an absolute favorite Luten fic, it would HAVE to be this. This is bookmarked in my account as “All Time Favorite” tag with a “THIS ONE FUCKED ME UP, FUCK” in the note. So yes.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20926073

Next, we have

Eyes Closed to the Wreckage by caesiumlight

This is the first Luten fic that got an “All Time Favorite” tag from me. I have an immense weakness for Spies/Super Agents AUs and darker-tone AUs in general, so this hits home right on first ball throw. The thrill, the badass-ness, the tension. I live for this (especially when we got SuperM’s concept of suits and gadgets, super agents/spies/soldier looking photoshoots and trailer, I am weak okayy?)

I am in love with how Lucas is written in here. The characterization is well done, and the interactions between characters is also such a feast to dive in. And even though it was in Lucas’ perspective, we still get to see so much of Ten despite everything.

Favorite part

There’s a presence at his side suddenly, and Lucas is pulled into an embrace. Ten cradles him securely with one hand gripping his. He doesn’t say anything, only strokes the back of Lucas’ neck. Lucas shakes harder in relief, breath stuttering, because he doesn’t know if he’d be able to pull himself out of this black hole alone. Ten holds him until he has nothing left, no tears left to soak the bloodied ground.

I have re-read this work five times, and even translated it into Vietnamese. So you know how whipped I for them.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14311836

Then, it’s

I, who was chosen by love, begin to moonwalk by zimriya

I’m a simple fan who likes ABO verse, especially the old school Alpha/Omega pairing (hey, sometimes I just want to read the PWP). Then this work came at me with something completely different and hit me with substance not just style, and I was ended just like that. It breaks the norm for this type of setting, and I loved every second of it.

The ache in here is real, it doesn’t hurt like In Shades, but this one you feel a constant humming of the sweetest type of aches. But then it just... dissipate into this warmth of softness and love and it will be the best thing ever. Ten is also written differently in here than how most would portray him in other works which was interesting refreshing to see.

Even when the setting is not real, their troubles and thoughts still feel real, relatable, and believable, and I think that’s the best thing you can achieve in writing. And while it’s an installment of a larger series, it doesn’t make you feel like you are missing out on information, it feels full like a stand alone piece. (However I do recommend other installments of this series even though they are all in different pairings, Ten and Lucas do make pretty great cameos).

A couple part stood out to me, but this is one of my faves for sure:

like Yukhei didn’t worm his way in close to him like some sort of overgrown, over-dimpled weed, with bad manners and bad Mandarin and even worse ideas about personal space and how friends with benefits were even supposed to work. Like Yukhei wasn’t what he saw when he woke up more often than not, or the last thing in his sight before he fell asleep. Like he wasn’t the one who brought Ten coffee how he liked it and humored all his little issues with any and all fruits; taught him tiny bits of Cantonese like it was second nature and then turned around and acted like he was the worst at languages.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21839893

That’s my top three most memorables! Now, here are some honorable mentions:

Stories no one believes in yet by umiwomitai

A very cute AU with good balance of humor, fluffs, and feelings. It is well written and I’d come back to this for a pick-me-up kind of moment.

“See, I may not look like Einstein, but I’m not stupid either. Xuxi is my dog, and you, though you might behave like one, are not a dog. Answer my question now,” he kicks the man in the thigh as he says so, earning a puppy look that makes him want to sigh in despair. What had he done to deserve this?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19724677

I Regular by umiwomitai

This work is fascinating to me, it touches upon really interesting subjects (unlearning prejudices and biases) and has subtle but great the world-building. What stood out in this work for me is the great and believable character development. It’s definitely an emotional ride, but it’s a full filling one.

In the bright fake yellow light, Lucas’s hair appear more blond than brown and Ten wonders if it would feel just the same as his if he ran his hands through it. If it would hurt if he pulled. If it would curl back into place if he tried to style it differently.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24288823

The Cure to Insomnia by Daydreamgirl

Softest thing ever. Seriously whenever I’m sad or hurt from reading too much angst, this heals me. It’s very wholesome too. Very much recommended.

Lucas immediately looked away from his phone and looked up at Ten. Ten was satisfied. He was sure Kun usually had to call Lucas three times to get him away from the phone.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21461449

signs of my vitamin U deficiency by sugarcoats

Fun, cute, smexy time with fruit-phobia Ten and personal trainer Lucas, there was a banana bj involved what more do I need to say.

Can’t quote anything from this one because I thought the summary is enough to hook you.

In which Ten is afraid of fruits and Lucas, his nutritionist, finds it worrisome but adorable.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18694945

the art of sales and falling in love by actuallyshua

Good old cat-and-dog style banter. Super charming writing. Bonus point with office AUs. It’s fun, it’s charming, it’s a gem.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20132332

And that’s it, my friends. That is my list of recommendations for LuTen.

I hope you will enjoy them as much as I did. If there’s any work you love that I haven’t mentioend the price, please don’t hesitate to let me know through asks, comments/mentions, or dms. Please check out the fics above and give them much love and support from us!

P.s: I didn’t mention in the list, it’s just because I assume everyone who knows LuTen have read through that series multiple time. If you haven’t, please do yourself a favor and go read it.

#luten #tencas #yukten #wong yukhei #ten lee #chittaphon leechaiyapornkul #wayv #lucas wong #superM #LUCAS #TEN #fic recs #fanfic recs #fic recommendation #nct #superm

[justformyself2]

P.S I Love You (p2)

Hi guys, are you ready for part two? Tell me what you think and if you want to be tagged for next chapters, let me know.

The Rom-Com Writing Challenge is brought to you by my dear creative friend @lullabieswrappedinlies​. As the title says, this is inspired by - the great at making me cry hard movie- ‘P.S. I Love You.’ if you haven’t seen it, go see it before you read this.

BEFORE YOU JUMP IN BE ADVISED:

.This series contains spoilers from the movie P.S. I LOVE YOU.

. Pairing: Reader x John Krasinski.

. (Y/M/N) stands for ‘your mother’s name’

. Parts in italic means memories.

.It contains strong language.

.It contains angst and grieve.

. IF you want you can read this along with the amazing soundtrack from the movie CLICK HERE

NEW HERE? CLICK FOR PART ONE

  -gif found through google search-                                                 

                                              JOHN'S POV.

"My plan is to write letters."

"Come again?"

Mark asks while peeling an orange in a weird way, or like someone that just learned how to peel an orange.

Gerry gets up from the chair and gives a walk around the kitchen in a maniac way. His eyes were enlarged, his smile went ear to ear as if he made the discovery of a lifetime. 

His hand went up in front of his face.

"Letters to (Y/N)."

He repeats even if we haven't got the first time.

"For what exactly?"

He points at me.

"You. John, remember when I told I was worried about how (Y/N) would take this after I'm gone, and you told me it would be hard since the only person she would listen to is me, and you are right, she is tough. but how am I suppose to do to this after I'm dead?"

I follow his thought quickly. 

"Oh, I see."

"Wait, you want to send letters to (y/n) after you are dead? She won't creep out by this at all."

Mark laughs, still struggling with the orange; the juices were slipping in between his fingers, and by the time he is done, he would have enough orange juice to drink out of his plate.

"At first yes, but I know she will get into it, I will explain better to her on the process. The thing is I found the sign today, I’m doing this, and I have just to the right person for the job."

A reflective Gerry occupies the chair again, his eyebrows furry, his eyes layed on me for a moment, and I look away.

"John, do you want to take a walk?"

Gerry stands up.

                                                                                             (Y/N) POV.

You watch John's back walking away towards the ice cream stand, and welcomes the flustering feeling since it was becoming part of you. It's prohibited to think about him in the present, and still, you were carrying these letters all around town, knowing that it would, someday, stop, and he would be gone forever along with them.

Gerry. 

He was making it harder than it has to be. The memories kept were blending perfectly, pouring guilt inside of your limited burst of happiness. Past and present, life and death, they were supposed to be apart, weren't they? Now you live under a constant eclipse, and everything is a shade darker than what it actually is. 

John is not Gerry.

You hiss at yourself, and your body is unquiet, trying to regurgitate the thoughts. You have to be normal by the time John came back and stop second-guessing his presence. Although it wasn't always the way it used to be, you couldn't get back to know how it was before you went to Ireland. That was a different person, you both were different, and that was how it was.

You look front, spotting John taking his wallet out from the back pocket, making you remember the letter inside of your own. 

Pocking the hole on the back of your jeans, you grab the paper between the fingers and unfold it. 

There was no use to remember how many times you read all the letters, the words: P.S I love you, over and over. Your body vibrates in a weird, overwhelming way when you spot John's name a little bit above.

"Hey. The chocolate one ran out, so they only had coconut."

His voice brings you back from down under. John presents the ice cream cone towards you, making you blink quickly, and fold the letter that comes back inside the back pocket. 

"Shit, do you hate it?"

You smile, seeing his worried expression, the sun of June reflecting his hazel eyes, causing it to look green. You take the ice cream.

"No, of course not, I was just zoning out a little bit too much."

John occupies the space next to you on the bench, which was getting hotter by the second under your thighs, as everything else was, humid and hot in June.

"I just hope you can figure out before the ice cream melts."

He jokes, biting the tip of the frozen stick ice cream, so frozen you can spot the steam leave his mouth for a second before fading. His eyes don't confront how close or long you were examining, he would be able to feel some discomfort by now, like you felt, but they were gazing somewhere else, unbothered.

Your mind is wrapped around his movements and aware that there was not a reason, but you stared. You stared.

"Maybe we should eat in a place where it won't melt, a place where I get to see your work, maybe."

You get to see him flinch for a moment and look at you. His shoulders went up lightly.

"It would probably already melt before we even enter the train."

"Go see the art and all the things immortalized. John will be the right match for this. He will help you." 

You quote the letter making him sigh and watch him take another bite of his ice cream.

"I can't decide if this is too frozen or if coconut just sucks, it tastes like iced water, I should have taken the ice cream cone."

"There is a reason it was the last flavor to survive."

You lick yours, and it doesn't taste as bad as he made it sound.

"I think that you should have taken the ice cream cone too, bad choice, pal."

"Definitely."

----------------------------

maybe part 3 today too? Let me know guys. Love you, thanks for the support, it really means a lot.

#RomComWC #RCWC #john krasinski imagine #imagine #interative imagine #fanfiction #john krasinski #john krasinskixreader #p.s. i love you #movie #writing challenge #fuck i'm so nervous #lol #i hope you guys like this

[ltleflrt]

Fanfic writer asks: 4, 5, 13 :)

Thanks for asking!  Sorry it took me a while, I’d fallen asleep for the night lol

4. Where do your story ideas come from?

ALL OVER THE PLACE.  Sometimes reading fic inspires me.  Cursed or Not came from a desire for more witch/familiar longfics, because at the time I wrote it there were 2.  Or I’ll be listening to music, usually by Garth Brooks or Jared & The Mill, and SUDDENLY PLOT.  I get ideas from movies, from books (*coughcough* Hunter’s Caress), from prompt lists floating around on Tumblr.  I feel like I get my best ideas when I’m driving, and I have no idea what exactly inspires those lol

5. Do you tell the people in your life that you write fics?

Abso-fuckin’-lutely!  I’m proud of my writing, and I think fanfiction is an art form that people who don’t read it don’t understand.  If I don’t feel like gushing about my writing (yes that happens, usually at too early o’clock in the morning before my Mountain Dew is finished lol), I might just say “I write romances in my spare time for funsies”, and only get into the details if they ask.  But most of the time when people ask me my hobbies, I very proudly tell them I write novel length fanfiction, and then I’ll go on and on about what makes it more fun than “writing something original that can get published”.  Fuck off, it’s published for free on the internet :P

13. How do you come up with your titles?

Well first there’s a ritual of whining and crying.  Then I start trying to figure out if there’s a theme to the story that I can use, which usually fails since I like to post my big fics while they’re still a single chapter WIP and I don’t know exactly what’s to come.  I will google quotes a lot.  Sometimes I ask @jupiterjames who is NEVER HELPFUL, but at least makes me laugh about it instead of cry about it, and that gets the creative juices flowing.  

Titles are hard *whine*

Ask me stuff

#ask box meme #tlakhtwritesdestiel

[whats-the-story-tc]

26th-28th of April, 2020

"The Ones with the Series of Unfortunate Events"

[LONG AS FUCK SORRY]

After what happened on Saturday, I could barely fall asleep at night. I had a splitting headache from all the crying and genuinely felt like shit. Morning came, and I immediately reached for my phone. Nothing from her. It still being quite early, I tried to go back to sleep, and spent a full hour tossing and turning, a head full of thoughts, until I couldn't take it anymore. I turned my phone on and checked the notification bar, only to see a very familiar name and face.

I submitted my essay to her already, way before it was due, so when she actually assigned it in Google Classroom, I just pressed 'Mark as done' and thought I was good to go. V has obviously seen it (two links here). And, even though I didn't submit jackshit this time, she still felt the need to send me a "Thank you :)". I was overjoyed. FINALLY. So, as I explained here already, I had an impulse thought and decided to respond. "And thank YOU for the "task". I had a lot of fun with it. (I mean, the [poet's name] one.) If you're ever curious about anything of this sort, don't keep it to yourself :)" Of course, I regretted it as soon as I sent it. And, of course, I knew I wouldn't get an answer.

I promptly took a full day of rest after that, like I was trying to recover from a bad break-up. I didn't expect to hear from her again the next day.

Monday morning. New notification. Same old love of my life. She assigned us a project we'd already spoken about last week — to reinterpret a monologue from the play I read, the one V really likes, in any shape or form. Painting, video, prose, or, to quote V: "tiktok (not that I know how that works, but it's your choice)". She also said that she wants to keep what we make, maybe even share them with our Geo/Art teacher. I got even mote excited than when she first announced this. I knew I wanted to draw something, to show her a side of me she'd never seen before. I'm starting it on Friday. Doing a bit of painting, too. Wish me luck.

At around 2 PM that same day, Pocketwatch Friend noticed V's reply to her essay and asked me how she should respond to her. Found it quite funny, not gonna lie, knowing my history with replies. And as my friends told me about the responses they got, I realised a fundamental difference. All of them were skimmed over going into detail. They noted them fine, but didn't take the time to explain why they were noteworthy. So basically, they lacked content. Meanwhile the only things she spent paragraphs pointing out about my essay were miniscule stylistic mistakes. This gave me a fair bit of reassurance about what I do. I did enough. I was enough.

Come Tuesday, I was a nervous wreck to say the least. I always am, when it comes to online classes, but especially so when I have class with V. I walked up-and-down in the room, listening to her talk, not daring to say a word. God, I wish I kept to that.

Before I get to the part where y'all laugh at my misery, a teensy bit of prelude. Here I mentioned that the first time I had spoken to V after class, the 11th of October, 2018, we spoke about Hamlet. In short, I was a bit oblivious, and didn't really know how to recognise the Oedipus complex I've seen associated with the play. We were covering the story of Oedipus anyway, so I trotted up to her after class to talk. I remember the afternoon Sun shining really bright that day, and V being very relaxed and fully in her element as she spoke, leaning against my desk (that I wasn't sitting at by then). I went home smiling, unable to get her out of my head after that. It should've been clear from that day.

Now, on to class. There were a lot of good bits, a lot of interesting bits... but I don't want to talk about those now.

Last ten minutes, V asks if there are any questions. "I might just have one." I said, and immediately regretted it, even though I could hear the smile in V's voice as she said "Off you go". Theatre/Literature buffs, I'm sure you'll know the line "Frailty, thy name is woman!" from, you guessed it, Hamlet. Now, in the poem we were talking about, there was a line with the exact same structure, only with different words in the place of frailty and woman. I tried to twist it and see if V made that same association, but luck didn't favour me that day. V had no last clue what I meant when I said the quote was familiar. I tried to explain it to the best of my abilities, though I didn't remember the exact Hamlet quote. Neither did V. "I don't really know Hamlet by heart." "Neither do I!" I tried to counter, but just made it more awkward. Bless her soul, V googled it there and then, but just by me saying it was said to Gertrude, it brought up another play with another Gertrude — coincidentally, the one V stroke up a conversation about with me on the very last day of actual school. Those being the results made V laugh, so at least that's a win from my part. I ended up looking it up myself, trying to remember the quote, and ended up answering my own damn question. "So it was the grammatical structure, then?" V asked, with that very same peace in her voice as last year, and I excitedly replied "Yes!". Conversation over. And even though she genuinely sounded interested, I hated myself for bringing up a totally unnecessary thing. Though I hope that I made V "pull [Hamlet] off the top shelf" after class, as she said she might, were it not for me finding the answer.

I was already feeling horrible. Then, V brought up the assignments mentioned earlier and sounded really excited about it, starting to list what she imagined us doing. "A rewrite of the scene in the play..." and as she was saying my name, I grinned and asked her "Was this an indirect reference?". I needed no further convincing that she, indeed, read what I texted her. But here comes the part I laugh at now, but right then it was horrible. She actually chuckled at my teasing question, and God I wish I remembered what she said. Then I said: "I was actually planning on something else, but..." because I found it an interesting idea, and I have been meaning to do that, too. And that's where it got awkward. V, the usually unfaltering and confident V, was startled. Proper startled that she might have accidentally changed my mind. She started saying "oh, no, I didn't mean it like that, I was just trying to predict things..." and that made me worried, so after the oh no, I immediately started rambling "no, no, of course, I know what you meant, I understand". So there we were, talking over each other, both of us a nervous mess that we may have said something wrong we didn't mean. Right now, I find it absolutely hilarious, because how on Earth did we manage that?? But there and then?

I started crying. Silently, of course, not to worry her even further. (I didn't want to turn my mic off because I was scared it would malfunction again.) But I was so tense, that all my gasoline pool of nerves needed was this little spark of awkward, and it caught flame. I stood there, tears streaming down my cheeks, blaming myself for speaking and thinking I should've just shut up.

Soon after, V told us not to stress about the assignment, because "it's just homework". Everybody's favourite Cynical Twat, who is even worse at social situations than I am, tried to express he was glad to hear that, but did so in a very confusing and sarcastic way that V didn't really understand. "It would be pretty shitty of me" to make us stress, she said. So I dried my tears and jumped in, because she deserved to hear the compliment. "I don't mean to speak for [Cynical Twat], but I think he meant that we're all glad you said that. Not many people do it like that." I told her something along the lines of that. "Oh, okay." she said, disbelief thick in her voice. Hey, V. We bloody love you. It's time you start believing it.

Class ended soon after, and I spent about twenty minutes sobbing and cursing myself. The message from Pocketwatch Friend saying "I can't believe [V] replies to everything" as they were talking about her essay, only made it worse.

That night, I had a conversation with one of my underclassmen I talk to every once in a blue moon. We were discussing school and teachers, and I intentionally didn't bring up V. I waited for her to. Though, okay, I did provoke it a teensy bit, but just slightly. So, we talk about her, and through the things the girl says, I find out that... heh, of course, I'm not the only one she strikes up convos with. Turns out, after a joke, V even winked at her! (Okay, she did that to me once, too, when I stood up for her in class, but that's not the point.) After that, I was carrying the convo on just fine, but inwards, I was spiralling into a great big void of 'You ain't special to her, bitch, the fuck were you thinking'. The girl ended the conversation with "the woman's weird (...) but that's how we love her". Right. Yeah.

Now, two days later at current, I'm back in the room where all the crying went down. Bit surreal, thinking back. I'm sure I won't forget this for quite a while. Will my unlucky strike stop anytime soon? I don't know. We'll see. But I don't think anything could surprise me anymore.

You may take that as a challenge, V.

~ S ♡

[Every story I share here, no matter how specific I get with my wording, depicts actual events from my own life.]

#tc #tcc #teacher crush community #female tc #female teacher crush

[lil-creatorwritings]

Author Interview

I got tagged by @alloveroliver ! Not sure how this will go but let’s do it~

Name: Well you can call me Becky! Trust me, my surname is a tongue twister and you don’t need to know that.

Fandoms: Er dear lord, that’s a lot if I count the ones outside of otome. If we’re talking just that, then it’s mainly Cybird titles (MidCin, IkeSen, IkeRev and IkeVamp). I have anime and video games fandoms too and you can ask me about that here or on my personal blog! Want to do in the future: Write more, I guess. And get a new phone for more otome games!

Where You Post: Tumblr and AO3 for my fics. Twitter is mostly for my ranting about routes or something about the otome and my main place for finding fanart (and retweeting them, BECAUSE WE DON’T STEAL OTHER PEOPLE’S FANARTS).

Most Popular One-Shot:  It’s apparently my Day 2 Kinktober. A lot of y’all are thirsty for some Leonardo smut eh?

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: The MitsuhidexOC smut trilogy (which I am now calling the Phone Call trilogy lol). It’s hilarious because whenever I think of this story, I remember that it wasn’t suppose to be a trilogy in the first place (it was a one-shot but then someone aggressively persuaded me into writing more of it). I honestly didn’t expect it to blow up like that (and I underestimated the Mitsuhide stans hahaha). Here is part 1, 2 and 3.

Favorite Story You Wrote: Probably my Day 21 of a 31 Day Writing Challenge I did in 2018. I also had an original work, but it’s been put on the back burner for awhile now.

Story You Were Nervous to Post: Five, which was my first IkeSen fic. I was nervous because I wasn’t sure if I got Masamune’s character right and for a personal reason (that I’m just gonna leave at that hahah).

How You Choose Your Titles: Most of the time, I either have a pending title for it or the title comes to me first as I’m writing it. The general theme of the story also has weight on its title. 

Completed: 70-ish fics. Which reminds me that I need to fix and update my Masterlist lol.

Incomplete: *tucks away my wips and google docs of future fic ideas* What incomplete works? Who is she? (lol but seriously maybe..2 or 3. I don’t usually write something and then start another one without completing the previous one, which is probably why I have few incomplete WIPs--because if I didn’t start on it, it’s technically not incomplete lol.)

Do You Outline?: When I first started writing, not so much in the way that I would write them in bullets or a flow chart. I would imagine the scene in my head then write it out, which works for me most of the time. I suppose you could argue that it’s a form of outlining too.. But I mostly type or write the general flow of my fic when my thoughts start to wander and branch out of my original idea to keep me in check.

Coming Soon/Not Yet Started: An IkeRev Ray fic that... I’ll be honest it’s a little diamond in the rough, and the theme isn’t really a pleasant thing to talk about. But this is a fic that I feel compelled to write for personal reasons. I don’t want to say much now because I’m not even sure how to start it as of right now. But I do want to write it. There’s also a soulmate AU I want to do for IkeVamp (and for some reason I wanted to do it with Arthur but I haven’t done his route yet), an IkeRev mafia AU (trying to steer away from the ‘crystals are drugs’ and think up of another idea), an IkeSen detective with that femme fatale thing (look idk what the genre is called but think Bioshock Infinite: Burial at Sea), an Edgar Bright art student AU, and just... more stuff lol. But more smut!

Do You Accept Prompts?: I do, but I rarely get them. Maybe because I don’t get to them on time and my followers don’t bother to ask me for stuff lol :( . I don’t really mind that I don’t get them, since I often write my own ideas. But I mean, feel free to drop one if you want to!

Upcoming Story You Are Most Excited to Write: Uh, I guess to finish my Kinktober..?? yes shut up i know its 2020

(Apparently the next questions were added by Ash, so I’ll go ahead and answer them too~)

What do you use to edit?: Currently, I’m not using any third party writing editor. That’s just my personal preference though.

Writing setup: My main set up is in my room, sitting in front of my desk with my laptop and bluetooth keyboard (some of the letters on the laptop aren’t working, so I use an external one. I always have a water bottle with me (because I could sit for hours) and Spotify playing on my phone on speaker. I use Google Docs for all of my fics. Sometimes I’ll go mobile and hook my bluetooth keyboard to my phone and type from there, especially if I can’t stay in my room.

Do you use a beta reader? Nope. For some reason, it’s not a habit of mine to ask someone to beta read my work, though I have done it a few times before. I write, walk away from it, come back to proofread, post, then try to stop obsessing over if it will get notes or not.

Where do you get your writing inspo?: A lot of places--books, songs, anime, tv shows, the internet, other people, prompt lists.. As to the motivation to write, well, that’s something that I’m also struggling with right now hahaha. 

Can we get a quote from an upcoming WIP?:

It wasn’t much of a surprise. This amount of workload always comes with the highest ranking officer in the army, and you’ve always understood that. There are some things that can’t be delegated or that specifically need his approval. Yet it didn’t stop you from feeling a little left out and wanting some of his attention.

Feeling restless, you push off the table and head towards the door. If he was still working, there was only one other person you could think of to keep you company. Skipping down the hallway, you stop in front of one of the doors before knocking on it enthusiastically. “Hm? Little lady?”

Sirius’ room was pristine as always. You step in and plop down on his bed, not caring if your skirts ride up your thighs. “Ray’s still working.”

He smiles and sits down next to you. “And I suppose you came to me to keep you entertained?”

This time, you pout at him. “So what if I did?”

Idk who to tag so if any of my followers (who haven’t done this) see this, go do it!

#mepp #she tagged my personal blog but imma post it here lol

[cookiedoughmeagain]

Haven DVD Commentaries: 4.11 - Shot in the Dark

Notes on the DVD Commentary by Nick Parker (Writer for the episode) and Brian Millikin (also a writer on Haven). In which both men talk at a gazillion miles an hour and with much enthusiasm throughout the whole episode. And we learn that the Darkside Seekers are partially inspired by Supernatural’s Ghostfacers. And all kinds of other fun facts.

Both Brian and Nick were previously script co-ordinators for Haven (“the most junior member of the writing staff”) and this is Nick Parker’s first ever episode of TV he’s written. NP is really modest about his writing throughout, balanced out by BM being very enthusiastic about how well written it is and what a great episode it is. And they are both so enthusiastic in general and have so much to say, I love them.

[I haven’t necessarily quoted everything word for word and I have paraphrased sometimes. And they refer to all the full names of the guest actors and the director etc. but I haven’t put the names in (except the ones I already know) because I didn’t stop to figure out how to spell them because … I am lazy :p]

NP: We got to do something really fun here with this hand-held camera, found-footage look. Both Brian and I are big fans of X-Files and one of my favourite episodes was X Cops ... and one of my favourite television writers wrote a couple of episodes of Supernatural called Ghostfacers in this kind of style. And I always thought those were really cool episodes and break the mould of the show a little bit and particularly in this case allow for outsiders to come in and comment on Haven. BM: The found-footage documentary crew thing was something from the get-go that we were always going to try to do at some point in the series. [Brief interlude while they laugh at Seth falling over the pile of trash :) ] And my favourite thing about it is how funny it is. This is not only the funniest episode of the season, but is crucial to the season because it has been so dark that we knew that we needed (particularly before epsiodes 12 and 13 which are like a two-part season finale) a little bit of levity. And because our characters have so much going on, you sort of need that to come from guest characters. And this is easily the funniest episode of the season and I think one of the funniest ones we’ve ever done. NP: You’re being very sweet. I think a lot of that humour actually comes from our guest cast for this episode. Chris who plays Seth is one of the most talented people I’ve ever met. And he and Danny (who plays Anderson) - Seth and Anderson are named after my two brothers by the way, and I based the back and forth teasing between them on my brothers, because that’s how brothers are - are friends in real life and were able to play the humour really well. BM: I remember when we were casting this episode we reached out to Danny (who is good friends with Shawn Pillar) who was interested in the role, but felt that he was better suited to the cameraman role and suggested Chris for the role of Seth. And it couldn’t have worked out better. NP: It could not have worked out better. When Danny made the suggestion and I watched a movie him and Chris did together called Alter Egos - if you haven’t seen it, go and watch it - and as soon as I saw Chris in that and the style of it and the tone that he brings; this very dry humour .. he was perfect for it. He is more perfect for the role than the version I had in my head when writing it. BM: We so enjoyed Chris in this role that Seth is making a return appearance in season 5. They’re shooting that episode right now and from all reports on set, it’s awesome. He’s doing a great job once again. BM: We always knew from the get-go that there was going to be a lot of found-footage and the camera pov in this. And we just hoped that the director for the episode would be on board with it. You know, you hope that your vision and the director’s vision line up. And as it happens, with the director for this epsiode we got crazy lucky. NP: Yes. She is amazing. It was incredible the way everything came together. In the concept of the script, the original drafting of it, there were all kinds of limitations on the script for a variety of reasons but when we started to get on set and look at locations and I was meeting with the director and everything - it all started to fall into place. I was so impressed by how everything came together; from the casting, to the prop department making Seth and Anderson’s props, to the art department and the sets. It really just came together well.

NP: I love this moment here when Gloria goes to flick Anderson off. The timing of that shot where Seth steps into the frame in front of her took us maybe 5 or 6 takes to get the timing just right, but when we did we knew we had it. That parabolic microphone that Seth has there - there was something wierd about the plastic that whenever it would heat up stank like old vomit. It smelled so bad. So Chris was an amazing sport for holding that. BM: This is a small thing but it’s something we’ve never been able to do before; Adam Copeland looking right into the camera. This is something you never usually want to do, and there’s something unsettling and hilarious about our characters finally being able to look back out at us. It’s great, I love it.

BM: Just boucing back to a line earlier, we had a shoutout to the Haven Herald when Seth is mentioning all the crazy coverup stories and he’s like “How many gas leaks can a town have beofre they just buy new pipes?” and that was a line I had always wanted to work in. BM: Yeah and we need to throw in those types of lines once in a while to add some level of groundedness. Because while this is fiction, it is set in the real world. BM: This is the first episode since Fraudrey in season two where we have the outside world arriving in Haven and threatening to expose it. Which is something we always talk about and which is why Vince and Dave - and even Dwight when he was the cleaner - do what they do. And I love it like in this episode when we can make it more than just an intellectual threat that they are forced to protect the secret that is Haven. NP: Yeah, it puts it in context. BM: And it’s something we talk about in the writers’ room that Haven has been like this, with the Troubles, for hundreds and hundreds of years, but keeping the secret of the town is getting exponentially harder and harder in the 21st century and the information age. You know, when the people who made the Barn at the time I don’t think they expected things like the internet or cell phones. NP: Yeah, Sarah wasn’t having to worry about high-tech recording devices being pointed at her or camera phones carried in people’s pockets. BM: Exactly. We talked about it a ton back when we were doing the pilot and conceived the show, and we all knew that Audrey Parker - Emily Rose Audrey Parker - was not the real Audrey Parker, that she had the borrowed memories of a real FBI agent. So one of the questions that we always got was; Why doesn’t anyone try to friend her on Facebook? Why doesn’t anyone google her and look it up? Becuase they would see, clearly, that there is an Audrey Parker and she doesn’t look like Emily Rose, she looks like Kathleen Munroe. And we sort of had to just fly past that for the whole first season and just hope that people didn’t really do that. NP: And I think generally the show has done a good job of cleverly skirting those questions. And I think that’s part of what gives it a bit of a timeless feel, and a feeling that Haven has always been this way. And I think it works well. Ah I love Richard here, playing Vince, he’s amazing. BM: He is so one of our favourites on the show, he is so good. And this [as Vince talks to Audrey in her hospital bed after Nathan and Duke have left to investigate the Trouble] is one of several big emotional scenes about Audrey and who she really is that the two of them have had. There’s that one outside the Gull after he was tortured by Tommy, that was terrific,. There’s that one at the end of season two when she comes to Vince and Dave asking for answers when she’s found out about the existence of Sarah. And now this. And it’s almost like every season we get a chance to have this kind of conversation between the two of them. Because he knows previous versions of her, and here she is beginning to lear more about herself - to learn things now that even he doesn’t know. NP: Yeah, and I think the reason we always end up using him for those scenes - it’s not necessarily a conscious thing - is because he so well represents what Haven is, and the history of Haven. He embodies Haven in an interesting way, and so it just makes sense that it’s always him. BM: Absolutely. And he’s also such a deeply felt actor. He can say a lot without saying anything, which is one of my favourite things about him.

BM: I love how this all looks [as Duke and Nathan confront the Seekers in the warehouse/store room where they are talking to Jemma]. I think this is one of the best directed episodes of Haven that we’ve ever done. They totally nailed it. NP: I was really impressed. It was way better than I could ever have conceived it. And that it all down to the director and the DP Eric Cayla. They did an awesome job. The sequence here after the lights go out, after this was shot, Eric Balfour came over to the director and I and said he thought this sequence was the most dynamic and energetic thing we’d ever shot for the show. NP: There’s one moment here that we buried for Gingersnap fans where Seth repeats the line ‘I think it’s gone’ right before the monster busts through the door. Which is exactly what happens in Gingersnaps so we wanted to bury that for Gingersnaps fans. And there’s the monster, which was a very very nice, and very very tall man in a suit. And this is a very scripted and choreographed sequence to get all this in. We rehearsed it a bunch of times and we were shooting this for the majority of the day. And there’s a couple times where the camera sweeps over the ground [so all you see is darkness] and they would use those moments to match and morph different takes together. So it looks as though it’s one continuous shot but it is actually several different takes stitched together. So we shot several takes of each section, knowing exactly where we were going to sweep to the floor so that we could stitch it all together. And i think it looks great. BM: It does look great. And the director really embraced this approach from the beginning and ran with it. NP: And what I love about her is she’s this really energetic spitfire running about the whole time, so when we were talking about this sequence she’s running up and down the aisles acting like she’s got a gun and everyone else was just trying to keep up with her becasue she was moving so quickly. She was so enthused and really energetic about the entire sequence and I loved it. She was awesome. BM: She’s my hero.

NP: Eric Balfour and Danny [who plays Anderson the cameraman] are good friends in real life so it was nice having them all there together. BM: I could be wrong about this but I don’t think they’ve ever acted on screen together before, despite being really good friends.

NP: So the guy in the suit, is a man in a werewolf costume, which the wardrobe department did a great job of modifying to make it look spooky. And the guy who played that role was probably about 6’10”; he was really tall. And he was so nice to come in because that suit was a lot of plastic and a lot of fur and it was incredibly hot. And he did take after take and was awesome and never complained once.

[As we see Gloria talking to Duke and Nathan in the morgue] BM: I’m jealous that you got to write some Gloria scenes. I didn’t get to do any of that. NP: I love writing for her. And the actor was also in Dawn of the Dead and she is awesome. BM: She was great in Dawn of the Dead. NP: Her energy and her really dry and biting sense of humour is great. And I love the dynamic she has with Duke. They’re kind of oddly flirty, in a way.

[As Dwight is threatening Seth in the corridor outside the morgue] BM: I think Adam Copeland is one of my favourite parts of this episode. He is so good at being frustrated and angry at people. And he seems like he really relishes it. And he is also really good as Dwight, but it’s like with epsiode 9 where he got affected by the paranoia Trouble, where he gets to step out of the usual thing and show some attitude, he dives into it. NP: He nails it. I loved this moment where he’s threatening Seth; I think this is the closest we’ve ever got to representing Adam in his former career as WWE’s Edge. He goes full wrestler on Seth right now. We did a bunch of different takes where he was getting really intense and almost screaming, or a more quiet and controlled threat. But this was a super-fun sequence to shoot, just because we got to see WWE Superstar Edge coming out. BM: Who is in reality the nicest person on the face of the planet. NP: Incredibly nice. BM: I aspire to be more like him one day. NP: That is a goal we should all pursue. He is just a super-nice really good person. And so seeing him act like this is what makes it so terrifying. BM: I would have wet myself. NP: Yes! BM: He is huge. NP: And in incredible shape. I always feel bad that he has to wear this bullet-proof vest all the time, which makes him about 10 degrees hotter than everyone else in every scene. BM: Ardent fans might notice that his vest has changed from the one he was wearing last season. They made one specifically for him; fitted to him and as light as possible but still using bullet proof vest material. Just to give him some relief, even though it is still hot and constricting. [Some back and forth about how hot and humid it can get in Nova Scotia in the summer.]

[As Duke is asking Nathan if he’s OK] NP: So this is the big emotional scene between Duke and Nathan where Nathan reveals his fears about this connection between William and Audrery. BM: Back from when we were first talking about the details of this season, we always knew that was the one where we were going to learn who Audrey really was, and that we were finally going to meet someone who was like her, whatever she is. So that was why we had William in the Barn and he hitched a ride with Lexie to come to Haven and now we’re learning what his ultimate plan is that he wants to turn Audrey back into Mara. But we always knew that we would have Colin Ferguson in the first four episodes, and in episode 9 and 10. And because he’s the Big Bad for the season we knew he’d be in the two-part finale episodes 12 and 13 - and that left out episode 11 which we did not have Colin Ferguson for. And yet he is the main topic of conversation for the episode. NP: Which worked out interestingly. It was a restriction that we knew about and it made things difficult at first but in the end we were able to talk directly about what he was doing. BM: It kind of allowed our characters some space, which we don’t often have, to talk about what’s going on. And how they feel about what’s going on. NP: And the same is true for Jennifer. We only had Emma Lahana for two days of filming for this episode, so that was also a restriction. BM: This location here, the back room of the Haven Herald (which is a real location that we own in the middle of Chester) is the exact same layout as the Gun & Rose diner, which we outfitted this room to be, back when we had Jordan at work. NP: And what a great job the art department did with showing the effects of the rougarou trashing everything. BM: Oh it’s amazing. NP: Every time that I walked onto a set that they had set up as a post-crime scene, I was just blown away. BM: As an example of how good our art department is, when Duke was kneeling down just now [where he found Jennifer’s phone on the floor] there was a golden vase over his shoulder, I’m pretty sure that’s the exact same vase that Dave picked up in 3.12 and knocked Vince out with when they were interrogating Arla. NP: They’re smart about it. BM: They do their jobs well.

[As Duke Dwight and Nathan find the Seekers at their van] NP: So we always knew that we wanted to do this found-footage style, and we knew we wanted to tie that into the Season Four Digital Initiative. So if you happen to follow Haven on Facebook or Twitter you will know that the Darkside Seekers supposedly took over the Haven accounts and were reporting that Haven was this place with this massive cover up and all these supernatural things. BM: And it wasn’t just a few tweets, there was also footage shot for this with Chris and Danny. NP: Yep and it was a lot of fun to be able to do that and tie it in to the episode, which you don’t often see so we were lucky to be able to do that. BM: And we had that pitch from the get go and you were overseeing a lot of that digital stuff. And it was always going to be the Darkside Seekers (though we went through a thousand different names for them before we got that one cleared) and the pitch for that was always that those guys were eventually going to show up on screen in the show in Haven. And it made sense to slot it in to episode 11 because we knew that William wasn’t going to be in this episode so it gave us a bit of a pause for the series arc. NP: Right, and we also needed to build a mouting threat; it needed to be something more than just a normal Trouble of the Week.

NP: Ah Stan the Cop; one of my favourite characters. And Glen who plays him is nice as can be. BM: He’s been around since season one and he’s a bedrock of HPD. NP: Absolutely. Everyone knows Stan. BM: And he has a little bit more to do every year. We love Stan. I’m always wishing that we could do an All Stan episode, but we’ve only got 13 episodes a season and so much other stuff to cover. There’s unfortunately just not enough room. If this was a 22 episode season show, we would absolutely have had a Stan episode. It could have been called Stan the Man, and Stan would be in every scene. And you know, he saves the day and the rest of the characters have no idea what he’s doing. NP: Like that Xander episode [in Buffy] BM: Yep, ‘The Zeppo’

[They discuss the restrictions in terms of actor availability becasue as well as Emma Lahana only being available for two out of the seven days of production, they also only had Emily Rose for a few days becasue she “was also due for a break” because she had been “working like a dog” having been in every scene in episode 10. And also they didn’t have Colin Ferguson, so when we see a glimpse of William in the hospital - that is not Colin.] BM: So there are all these various restrictions and you have to write your scripts within these painted lines that are set out for you. NP: Which is why Chris as Seth ended up with such a big role, and this is one of the biggest guest actor roles we’ve had. It’s good that he’s so good. BM: And it’s not a co-incidence that this has a lot of humour. Not that our cast aren’t often hysterical, but there’s not always a lot of humour just because our characters, after four seasons, are saddled with a lot of emotional baggage and weight. NP: Yeah and the nice thing about a role like this [Seth] is that they can comment on the ridiculousness of the situation. BM: Jennifer and Lexie were examples of the same thing; they were able to bring some of that lightness because they were yet to be weighted down.

[As Seth is telling Dwight how he spent his summers in Haven as a kid] BM: This hill I think is the same spot that William brings Audrey to in 4.09. NP: Yes, I think it’s one of their favourite places to shoot just becasue it has such a beautiful vista and it’s close the production office as well. The prop department did an amazing job building Seth’s equipment here. BM: Everything looks fantastic.

[At the Teagues warehouse where Jennifer is hiding out] NP: This all looks fantastic. We shot a lot of this at this place called the Aspotogan Spa, but if you try and look it up online you’re not going to be able to book tickets for becasue it was this huge multi-million dollar spa idea that they had, up near Chester? BM: Yeah from Chester if you head up eastward up through Hubbards where the Grey Gull is located, around the corner on the tip of that peninsula is this big abandoned structure with parking lots and everything but it’s this half-finished spa that they started building years ago and the economy fell through and they never finished it. NP: It’s actually incredible because the whole thing is built, there’s pools, the windows are in. We filmed in the basement. BM: We filmed there before in 2.08; Friend or Foe. NP: Oh yeah. BM: And we always wanted to go back because inside it was fantastic. And this was the perfect opportunity. NP: But it’s crazy when you go in there, it’s like all of the worker’s just suddenly disappeared. BM: We do a lot of on location filming for Haven … and we could not have possibly built something this big to film in. NP: There are hallways upon hallways and it worked out great because the place was big enough for us to run two units at the same time. Shawn was off with one of these handheld digital cameras with Lucas, Eric and Chris running around the hallways while the main group [Audrey etc] was here. And Eric Cayla, our DP would do a lot of shooting with these handheld cameras, or one of our camera operatives. So they would run around with Danny on their shoulder giving the diagloue, and then they would hand the camera off to Danny and he would do the same thing again for a different take.

BM: I would like to talk about Unstake My Heart for a second, which wound up being extraordinarily important. We always knew that it was going to be. We knew that it would be useful when it turned out to be Fraudrey’s favourite book - oh poor Dwight! NP: Yeah Dwight is knocked out there because Adam had to go do a WWE event. BM: Ha! Amazing! NP: This was a change the day before when we found out that Adam had a chance to go promote Haven at a WWE event. So we wrote him out of the last day. BM: That’s right because the season was about to start airing. So anyway, Unstake my Heart wound up being this important thing that Agent Howard had used, and so here we needed Agent Howard to have left Jennifer something that was going to help her personal journey. And it seems like it’s a magical book but really we always thought of it more that it’s more like a placebo effect that allowed Jennifer to realise some of her capabilities. And this was always how we intended the episode to wrap up, that Jennifer was going to realise a little bit of why she was the target of Williams’ creatures. And sort of end up saving the day as a result (with an assist from Seth). NP: Yes exactly. The guy who plays Sinister does a lot of our stunts and he was Seth in that moment [attacking the monster as Jennifer grabs the book off the floor] knocking the rougarou off his feet. We had so much fun up there saying that word especially with so many French Canadian, they love saying ‘rougarou’; [rougarou in a French accent!] BM: A rougarou if I’m not mistaken is a kind of European werewolf. NP: Yeah, it’s a French werewolf legend, kind of a cousin to the werewolf. Way back in the day I used to play this old role playing game called Werewolf of the Apocalypse, and in that all werewolves call themselves garou and so I suppose ‘le garou’ is what a werewolf is in french. BM: And do they actually eat your hearts? NP: That is a thing that we created for the Haven version, to give them a signature. BM: Like a serial killer calling card.

[As Seth and Andersen get ready to leave and Seth is talking to Nathan] NP: This scene originally was not Nathan saying goodbye, it was Dwight because Dwight had had that moment with Seth before. But because Adam had this great opportunity to go promote the show, we reworked this scene the day before it was going to shoot, to be Nathan instead. BM: That’s crazy. And initially there was also a third Darkside Seeker. There was going to be this host of a reality show and two other guys as his back up. It was crazy because we were initially writing it for (we can’t tell you who) a bigger nam- or I guess a different kind of actor who was going to do the role. He fell through really close to production. NP: Days before. BM: And so we - or rather Nick - streamlined and reconceived the episode and made it just about Seth and Anderson. And it turned out far better. NP: I definitely like this version more. It was always one of those things were I was trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. BM: And the amount of restrictions we had on what we could and couldn’t do and who we could and couldn’t use, was more than I’d ever seen in four seasons of the show. But they say in TV you embrace the limitations, and it’s like why a bottle episode can end up being the best eipsodes. Those are the episodes you do to save money because you’re shooting the whole thing on one set; but they can end up being the best. And it’s the same thing here. This is one of the best epiosdes of the season and in many ways it’s because you had these parameters to work in. NP: That’s very nice of you. But I always think whenever you’re writing with restraints, whether they’re self imposed or due to what you’re working on, you’ll often end up with a better product just becasue you have to focus. Having everything wide open and being able to anything and everything doesn’t always turn out as good as you think it will in your head. BM: Yeah absolutely.

[As we see Jennifer joking about being Hermoine] BM: This is a big moment for me in terms of the Duke/Jennifer relationship which going into the season has always been a big deal for us. And here she is starting to learn that she is more than just Troubled. That there is clearly a major stake in what is going on in Haven tht involves her. It’s not just this book; it’s her. And that is going to come to bear on herself and her relationship with Duke. We had always known where we were going with her character when we introduced her and that it was going to get a little bit heavy in the next episode or two. And we love Jennifer and Duke, and we’re really happy that we earned their relationship.

*cell phone rings* NP: Oops that would be me. BM: That was the Game of Thrones theme? NP: In like old, midi form.

BM: Oh this is so sad with Nathan and Audrey too we knew what was going to happen at the end of the season. We knew what William’s plan was going to be for her. And it’s kind of a bookended season in that we started with introducing Audrey as Lexie and then now we’re going to learn who she really was; the original person.

[As Jennifer tells them about the riddle in the book] BM: How many versions of this cryptic message were there? NP: it’s funny, this was being changed up until the moment that we shot it. And actually Emma was nice enough to do a couple different takes with different versions of what she was saying. BM: There was a lot of debate about this. And that was my favourite version!

#i love these guys #theirs are the only commentaries where they don't forget anyone's name and always know the name/number of any other episodes they mention #questions welcome if any of my notes don't make sense #haven dvd commentaries #haven season four extras #haven syfy #long post

[mfackenthal]

The MFackenthal Show and @maxattack-powell!

banner by @whenyourheartskipsabeat

Hello all!  Welcome back to the MFackenthal Show!  I am so glad that you are here today.  If you’re new to the show, I encourage you to go here to find past episodes.  There are only a few.

The MFackenthal Show has officially been green lit for more episodes!  We used to only be able to afford to run the show every once in a while, but the people have spoken - they want to see the show more often!  The funding came through and we hope to give the people what they want!  Do you want to be on the show?  Do you have someone that you want to see on the show?  If so - reblog or comment or send a message to let MFackenthal know!  We’ll see what we can do!  We have this show and two others lined up for you!

I could not be more excited to bring you this next guest.  She has been with the fandom for quite a while.  She was one of the first people I started communicating with on a regular basis.  She has talked me up, supported me from the beginning and though she hasn’t written much lately - when she does drop a chapter - it’s long and it’s worth it!  Please welcome to the stage @maxattack-powell!!!!!  (Insert Cheering here!)

(Megs greets Max with a hug - which means that Megs essentially runs and leaps into Max’s arms.  Max is fairly tall and Megs is barely 5′3″) 

Megs:  Max, I am so happy that you are here!  Can you believe that you’re here today?

Max:  Haha, yes - I can.  But I am honored to be here.

Megs:  Max, sit with me.  For those in the audience who may not know you, tell us about when and why you joined the fandom.

Max: Yanno, I always made my best guess at this before, but I knew you were going to ask me this - so I looked it up.  Did you know that now there’s this Official Tumblr blog called @memories, and it knows down to the minute when someone joined? Let me go check it… *digs through the blogs posts* Okay, it was apparently 07/31/2017 at 1:17:15 PM, which means it must have been on the weekend because of the time of day haha.

As for why ... hmm, well… I found the Choices app one day, when it only had like… three series I think! Anyone else remember that time? 

Megs:  I do!  Because I was playing Hollywood University I think I downloaded choices the day the app came out.

Max: Awh!  Well, I fell in love with The Freshman Series. Mostly because of Chris Powell and Zack Zilberg, and a long time ago I was in another fandom that had tons of fan fiction/art… so I googled “Choices Chris Powell” and any other combination I could think of looking for possible fanfiction. The fandom was almost non existent at the time. There was actually one person, who has long since left the fandom due to fandom dramas - we all know the kinds I’m talking about - but a few others had started posting their works as well… and I got hooked. Eventually I felt the bug to write how I felt TF should play out as well, and here I am *looks back at the “joined tumblr timestamp”* uhh… 20ish months ago!  Haha!!

Megs:  LOL, when you put it that way it doesn’t sound like that long ago ... lets call a spade a spade - that was almost 2 years ago!  That’s amazing!  You have to have seen so much in this fandom!  What is it that keeps you around?

Max: There are so many awesome people in this fandom, in this world we’ve all created for our pixelated loves lol. Soooo many creative minds to follow and enjoy. The content people share, original or repost… it’s great. 

... Unfortunately it is also a double edge sword ... the drama, the jealousy, the rumors, the hate, etc. I’ve sadly seen far too much and it comes in so many forms… it’s unnecessary.

Megs:  I couldn’t agree more!  If you could tell the fandom one thing - what would it be?

Max: It would be that we’re all here because we want to have a good time. No one came here to get ridiculed, to be scrutinized or chastised for their opinions, their likes or dislikes. Real life has enough of that going on. We are all individuals - if you want to be treated nicely, fairly, etc. you must also do the same to others. There is no reason someone must agree with you or anyone else. Live and let live. Embrace our differences as it makes us who we are. Most of the issues I see stem from a simple difference in opinion. That is ridiculous. Everyone’s entitled to their own thoughts. We must build each other up, not tear one another down. No one here owes anyone anything, now go have some fun.

(The room stands up in applause!)

Megs:  You should definitely stand up and take a bow, Max! 

(Max does just as Megs suggests - but she also makes Megs stand up and do the same. Laughing, they both sit back down.)

Awh, Max ... okay, let’s get back to you.  We know that you’d fight anyone for the position of The Chris Powell Appreciation/Fan Club.  And for those who don’t know, Max has been retelling the full The Freshman series, interweaving dialogue and plot from PB but also adding much of her own content.  MC and Chris get a backstory.  Chris gets best friends from back home.  What is your favorite piece that you have written?

Max: Oh geez hahaha. Um… can I just say The Freshman Chronicles as a whole? I’ve written for different fandoms, and I have original WIPs but I’ll stick to the Choices fandom for this answer. I’ve put a lot of time into TFC. Tons of additional story work, research on characters and their backgrounds, PBs and my own OCs. You should see my file folder setup haha. It’s crazy… I have so many docs, pictures and gifs. Most organized by location (Hartfeld, Boston, New Haven, Cherryfield, etc.), then by character… and on some I get more detailed and split them by emotion and situation.

Megs: By what again?

Max:  Emotion and Situation ... Yeah. I warned you it was crazy! *laughs* TFC was the reason I joined tumblr really. Instead of staying a Nonny and only reading others posted works. I wanted to comment, like and reblog what I enjoyed, while I also worked on my own contribution to the fandom. I had a vision for Chris and MC that had more than the game could give, and I wanted to see if i was still any good at writing since it had been years and years… it’s funny to see how different my current posts are from my first over a year ago. Makes me want to go update a few because they could use a little help *awkward laugh*

Megs:  I’m sure we can all relate to that!  Hmmm ... I’m starting to get a feel for this, I think, but what is your writing process?

Max:  Lots of planning, mostly in my head. When I feel like I have a decent concept I might type out some notes or work it into my outline (another crazy thing I have going for TFC because it’s so big haha). But usually, once I hatch out a basic plan on where I’m going… I just start typing. Keeping the general plot and main points I want to hit in mind, I simply start typing… keeping it as organic as possible. It usually works out well. 

Megs:  Do you have any advice for other writers?

Max: First, and most importantly… do it because you enjoy it. Don’t do it for likes, reblogs, popularity, etc. If you’re having a good time dreaming things up and typing them out, that’s what’s important. The rest is just an extra bonus. Also, don’t give up. It’s easy to become discouraged, frustrated, distracted and more… but remember - your creative cells can’t be running all the time. They need to rest just like your body. Take breaks… go read, play games, hang out with friends/family, watch a movie… whatever. Just do something to help you relax, to reset and you’ll very probably find inspiration and/or motivation to continue. Remember, this is for fun. *wink and finger guns*

Megs: So what do you do for fun?

Max: I actually have a few things I do regularly. A big one is making costumes/props for conventions, small productions, etc. I also train and show horses. I do the same with my dogs, but more for competitions and not really any shows. I’ve always drawn, sculpted, painted since I was old enough to hold things with my hands… and about a year ago I started learning how to do it digitally as well. I run (not at all for fun haha) and play hockey (totally for fun), follow comics and watch anime. I've restored houses, cars and old furniture. I like to read as much as I can - that’s an important one. I also play video games. Something I’ve done since I was young… I've even competed, and won, a few gaming tournaments.

Megs:  You don’t know how to be bored do you?

Max: LOL, Megs.  Yeah, um, so there’s a “few” *makes air quotes* of my never ending list of interests haha. Gives me a lot to talk about with people, eh?

Megs: Not that I can understand how you’d have time for this ... but what do you do to help pay for your many activities?

Max:  Oh like, my job? Well that can be a simple answer… like “I work in software” but the more interesting way to say it is I use my MBA, experience in business, the financial industry and technology to improve and stabilize my customers environment through technological solutions that fit their specific needs. *presses lips together* I solve problems by designing solutions. Bored yet? Hahaha.

Megs:  No!  That sounds wonderful!  Who doesn’t want their stuff to be designed better?  Any chance you could start working for tumblr?  Some of us have a few complaints ... tags ... mobile losing our work ...

Max:  I’m not sure they could pay me enough to help them with all of their problems!  But, tumblr, feel free to send me an offer!

Megs:  Seriously - send her a 6 figure offer!

Max:  Okay, Megs, well now I have a question for you.

Megs: Uhhhh, Max, that’s not exactly how this is supposed to go. 

Max:  Yeah, don’t care.  Your fans need to know ... Hoooow do you find the time to read and review so much?! And I know that’s just in this fandom.  I know you read books and you may read for other fandoms!?  Seriously, it’s awesome. We need to clock your page flipping speed haha.

Megs:  *blushes* Oh my gosh, you have to stop!  Here’s the key to how I do it ... I wake up at 5:30am and read for about 30 minutes.  Then I workout and start my day.  I read in line at the grocery stores.  I read on my breaks at work. 

Max:  Oh my gosh - you’re such a nerd and I love that!  Okay, nerd, what is your favorite thing to do, besides reading all the things of course?

Megs: This show, of course!  And, of course, getting people to do silly things on this show with me.  For instance - with as athletic as you are, I hear you can’t jump? 

Max:  Megs, shhhhh.  You told me you weren’t going to bring that up.

Megs:  I did no such thing! (Meg says while laughing) I said I might not bring it up.

Max:  Uh huh.

(Kris Kross’s “Jump” starts playing in the studio)

Megs:  Come on - show me what you’ve got! 

(Megs starts “singing” along and jumping along with the song. Max stays seated.  Megs finally pulls Max up into a standing position. Max plays along and “jumps” next to Megs - getting no air at all.)

Oh, come on Max - put some real strength in to it.  Jump! Jump! Jump!

(Max jumps and gets the smallest amount of air time.)

Max:  *laughing* Megs - I’m tall!  I don’t need to jump to reach things!

Megs:  *laughing* That must be nice.  I got good at this type of jumping because I had to learn to jump up and gently grab things from the grocery so I didn’t knock everything down.

*continuing to jump around the audience - getting everyone to join her* And that’s all for the show today today, folks!  Thank you for watching!!  Have a great night!

#The Mfackenthal Show #With @maxattack-powell #Official show number 3 #But the 4th interview #Ellen has nothing on me #Oh who are we kidding #I wish I were half as cool as Ellen #She gets paid to do this #I do this for free #But I love it!