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mercy-burning · 3 years

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Your Favorite — Part 1

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: When Y/N comes home from college for the summer to meet her mom's new boyfriend, she finds herself in a rather tough spot when she can’t stop thinking about him— And it seems he feels the same... Category: SMUT (18+) Content: Adults w/ age gap, masturbation (female and male), minor exhibitionism kink, oral sex (male receiving), penetrative sex, breeding kink (kinda? i think? 😅) Word Count: 7.3k (do you see now why I had to make it a miniseries? alsdjfdk)

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | MASTERLIST

DISCLAIMER: In this story, Spencer is dating Y/N’s mom while also having a sexual relationship with the reader herself. Because of that, there are obvious undertones of cheating, alongside some perv-y tendencies when it comes to a partner’s daughter. That being said, Spencer and Y/N’s relationship is consensual. However— If any of what I just forewarned is something that you think will make you uncomfortable while reading, please do not read! If there are any more disclaimers you think I may have missed, don’t hesitate to tell me! There is another post I made HERE with some disclaimers as well if you want to know more about what this story will entail.

NOTE: This intro is already too long, so I’ll just get this out of the way: you can find visual nsfw inspirations for this story over at @mercy-midnight, I’m working on a playlist for this story on my Spotify @/mercyburning, and I don’t know when part 2 and 3 will be out, but you can assume they’ll be here within the next few weeks.

———

JUNE 5th

I hate my mom's new boyfriend.

For the past three months she'd been telling me about this new guy who's "The One" as if "The One" hasn't been like four other guys in the past two years.

And as much as I'd love for my mom to find someone to spend the rest of her life with, I don't believe she'd ever find Mr. Perfect at this rate. Unless she spent more than a few months with them at a time before dragging me home from college for a weekend to meet them, I really don't see it happening.

It just sucks. Because every time she does this, every time I return home, I see the glimmering hope in her eyes and the diminishing spark in his, and I know. I know it won't last, and her heart will be utterly broken within the span of a few months.

I always thought maybe she just had terrible taste in men.

But this time around, when I begrudgingly walk through the door of my childhood home for the summer and see my mother clinging to a man who returns that glimmer in her eyes, I know she's picked a good one.

And I hate him.

His name is Spencer Reid, and he's a retired FBI agent who teaches full time at local colleges now.

He greets me with a bona fide, radiant smile, unlike all the others before, and it sets my insides on fire. And when we sit down for dinner, he's polite (but not in a fake way,) and he seems genuinely curious about my studies and my personality and my relationship with my mother. And when dinner is finished he offers to clean up while Mom and I settle in the living room.

I see the way he looks at me as I leave, a gentle, closed-mouth smile and eyes that linger a little too long on my exposed legs before averting, a glint of shame pooling within them, and it only spreads that fire in my belly.

Maybe I'd been imagining the whole thing, because deep down I wanted him to look at me the way he had... But it's hard to tell when my brain is mostly setting off sirens, blaring "THIS IS WRONG! THIS IS WRONG!" on a loop with blinding lights.

And they're even louder when my mom wraps her arm around me and lays her head atop mine. "Well, what do you think? He's great, huh?"

She's so lovesick, it hurts. It hurts even worse knowing that all I can think about is his big hands wrapped around my throat while he fucks me into the squeaky twin-sized mattress in my bedroom upstairs.

But I can't tell her that, obviously.

And so I decidedly hate him. And I have no choice but lie to her face, embracing her joy and hoping that I'll be able to survive this summer.

"Yeah, Mom. He's really great."

JUNE 19th

It's been two weeks and I can barely stand to be in the same house anymore.

I try to keep myself busy by going outside, to the beach or for long walks in the park; but it's too hot for my liking, and our town is so small that unless I want to spend my time in the grocery store or one of the three bars on Main Street...

I'm stuck either outside where it's hot and uncomfortable, or in the house where it's also hot and uncomfortable.

We have air conditioning, of course, but that's not the problem.

It's Spencer.

I thought by now my little crush on him would have gone, but the longer he hangs around the house, the stronger my feelings for him grow. They're not romantic—nor do I think they ever could be given the fact that if anything serious really were to ever happen between us, my mom would disown me for the rest of my life and murder Spencer with her bare hands—but that doesn't make it any easier on me.

Every day he just exists, right in front of me with that tug-able mop of hair, those warm honey eyes, and his hands that never stop moving. I swear, it's like every time he breathes, his hands are breathing too, challenging me to try and stop them.

But I refuse to touch him. Because I know the moment I do, all will be lost. I won't be able to control myself anymore. And if I don't drop to my knees and try sucking his dick at the dinner table, I'm sure I'll blurt out how I can't handle it anymore and that I need him, and either way I'd be royally fucked.

Right now he's in the dining room, teaching my mom how to do a disappearing card trick. She thinks it's utterly charming that he can do it at all, but mostly that he's patient and willing enough to teach her. And normally I'd agree, but I can barely look at them without wanting to waltz over, grab his wrist, and suck his fingers into my mouth.

It's truly pathetic.

So I try to focus on the television just a few feet away. It's one of those rare instances where I wish our house was bigger, because while I don't mind having less wall-space between rooms, I do mind not being able to watch TV without the kitchen table in my periphery at a time like this. And I think about going up to my bedroom instead for a moment, but I'd have to go past the kitchen, and I just know Mom is going to ask if I'd want Spencer to teach me his magic trick.

And I most definitely do not want that.

In another life, maybe, where he isn't a hot professor and rather an average-looking dude who's way too into fantasy football... But not in this lifetime.

So there I sit, concentrating so hard on Family Feud that my face hurts.

When I hear a flutter of cards and joyous giggling from the other room, it's more than my face that hurts.

It's also my chest, churning and tensing at the hands of the green devil.

Fuck!

I barely even know this man... I haven't really talked to him because I'm afraid that if I try to hold a conversation I'll snap. He's literally just some hot older guy who's dating my mom, and still, my whole body twists and aches with envy when they do anything together, and it fucking sucks. Not only because of the jealousy, but it's also the fact that my mom deserves to be happy.

This time it's different. This time, she's really found someone who returns her every loving gaze, who makes her laugh, who's kind and genuine and not a total douche. She's happier than I've seen her in years.

And the one time she finally finds "The One", every waking second of my life is spent longing for him fuck me.

But it's only been two weeks.

And it's also been nearly two years since I got laid, so maybe that's just my issue...

I figure it can't hurt, so in a spur of the moment decision, I turn the TV off and sprint towards the stairs, right past Mom and Spencer before they can ask questions.

———

I hardly even register the dimness of the light inside the house by the time I glide up the steps, fumbling with the key and trying to make my entrance as quiet as possible. Though, because I'm so used to the dark by this point, the light—no matter how dim—nearly blinds me. The door shuts louder than I'd have liked, and I cringe inwardly, pausing as if that will keep anyone from seeing or hearing me. Not like it'll matter, considering Mom and Spencer are the only ones that are staying here and they'd also been the only ones aware of my plans for the evening.

Well, somewhat, anyway. I told them an old friend invited me out and I probably wouldn't be home until late.

Regardless, that instinct of trying not to get caught coming in late at night is stronger than common sense. Throw a little cheap beer and some shots into the mix, and it almost feels like I'm a teenager again.

The only thing different now is that I have a pool of some stranger's cum soaking my underwear and a man in front of me who stands like an angel. An exhausted, almost scruffy-looking angel more like, but my point still stands.

"You're up late," Spencer observes. It's a simple enough statement— not really judge-y, but I can tell that regardless of his knowledge of my coming home late, he seems shocked to see me coming through the front door right now.

And it's hard to look away from him. Just like it has been for the past two weeks. Still, I try, just barely avoiding his eyes as I cross my arms and fight the urge to clench my legs together. "I'm a whore. What's your excuse?"

Maybe not the best thing to say. But like I said, common sense? Gone.

"O—oh... Umm..." Spencer stumbles through his words, obviously stunned by my response, and the look in his eyes kind of makes me want to curl up in a ball and die from embarrassment. Still, I stand my ground and wait for him to continue.

He settles on a short, "I can't sleep," and then there's nothing else.

"Ah," I express. One syllable. I don't draw it out, I don't exaggerate it... This is the first real conversation I've had alone with him, and I've made it extremely awkward, so I sigh and take a few steps forward, trying to walk past him. "Okay. Goodnight."

I only make it a few steps before he stops me, his hand reaching out to tap my shoulder. "Wait—"

The touch makes me jump, and he pulls it away immediately as I turn to face him. My heart is racing at the speed of light, my panties are soaked through, and if I'm not careful that whole 'no common sense' thing is going to bite me so hard in the ass I won't have one left.

"Can I talk to you?" His voice is barely audible, and the gentle rasp it has to it seems to make me even more wet.

I nod, not trusting myself to speak.

"Look, I um... Your mom has been totally transparent with me about her relationships, so I know that she's been through a lot of them in a short amount of time... And I know that must be a little difficult for you. Especially now that I'm here... And you've been... distant. And I know that I don't know you that well, so forgive me if I'm assuming anything, but I just want you to know that I don't have any intention of making things difficult for you and your mother."

Too late, pal, I think bitterly, the gentle authority in his tone setting my insides alight. I'm positive that voice could get me to do so many things...

That's the alcohol and sex talking, Y/N, just shake it and move on...

He starts again, but I cut him off with a short wave of my hand. "Look, I... I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I had a really long night, and I'm exhausted. I just wanna shower and go to bed."

I expect more resistance, but Spencer only nods. I still can't bring myself to look him in the eye, though this time I catch his hands clenching at the bottom hem of his shirt. "I understand. Sleep well."

Without another word I turn on my heel and walk a little faster towards the stairs, and I'm about to take my first step when I realize he's followed me. His voice calls out my name softly from a few feet behind, and it stops me in my tracks regardless of my desire to get out of there as fast as I can. And then I turn around and finally look directly at his face.

Big mistake.

His eyes are on my legs again, trailing slowly upwards until he reaches my face. The light over here is dimmer, barely noticeable at all, though I swear I can see red forming on his cheeks.

"I like your dress," he says softly. It's almost meek, like he'd been afraid to say it but took a chance anyway.

It's such a random, small compliment, but with the alcohol and endorphins flowing through my body after the night I'd just had, it nearly makes me quiver.

It also makes me incredibly stupid.

An amused, almost sensual grin forms on my face as I make eye contact with him, and I feel myself throb at the way I can just barely see his throat move. He looks like a deer in headlights, afraid to make one sudden move.

"Turning to flattery to try and win me over, are we?" I say slowly.

I almost think he'll stumble over his words once more, but again he surprises me with a full answer. It's only three words but it's clear, and his voice is deep, and I want to fucking jump his bones right then and there.

"Is it working?"

This has to be the alcohol making me imagine things... I swear I didn't even drink that much tonight, but it has to be an obvious lapse in judgement. The drinking mixed with the sex mixed with the dirty thoughts I've been having about this man lately have to be what's making this feel real. It's all culminating into this one big fantasy (or delusion, more like), and all I need is to shower and sleep it off.

That has to be it.

So because there's no other reasonable explanation that my brain can conjure up, I take a chance and throw Spencer a wink before turning and sprinting up the stairs.

And it's that same seemingly undeniable reasoning for this illusion that doesn't keep my hands from wandering in the shower. Even though those warning sirens in my brain keep blaring, telling me that the common sense is still there for me to utilize, they're drowned out by my thrumming heartbeat and the repetition of Spencer's soothing, authoritative voice, guiding my movements.

Keep rubbing your clit for me, baby... Just like that, nice and slow...

Warm water cascades down the front of my body as I lean back into the wall of the shower, but that's not why I'm so warm. This heat radiates through my insides, spreading like wildfire and bringing out small whimpers and mewls that I know I'll have to contain in fear of waking my mom from her bedroom right next door.

But then the thought of her hearing me next door as I cry out her boyfriend's name only excites me more. I keep it quiet still, but just knowing that someone else is in the house while I'm having these thoughts right now (one of them being the object of said thoughts) is what finally brings me over the edge.

I finish my shower on weak legs, definitely overstimulated now, but also feeling even more tired. I know that the moment I lay down on my bed, I'll be pulled into the sweet, soft surrender of a deep sleep.

Nothing else has ever sounded so pleasant.

———

When I woke up that morning after, I was feeling surprisingly calm. Realistically I knew that my whole 'this has to be an illusion' montage had been less truth and more inebriated babble, and the longer I sat on it the more I thought it'd all turned out for the better.

Turns out, tipsily masturbating in the shower to thoughts of your mom's hot new boyfriend was a surefire way to get it out of your system, right?

Wrong.

It really had been okay at first. I thought about Spencer almost immediately, and yeah, he was still hot as fuck—But there wasn't this overwhelming desire within me to jump his bones when I saw him that morning, his hair messy and his hands clutching a cup of coffee while Mom made breakfast behind him.

But that good feeling I had about all of this? It lasts only about a split second.

Because the moment he looks up and sees me, the mug falls out of his hand and shatters to pieces. His eyes stay glued to me, even as my mother darts over to pick up the pieces of the ceramic that are scattered about the table and the floor. And when she turns back to grab a paper towel, he still stares at me, once again at my legs.

It takes me all of four seconds afterwards to remember that not only did I talk to him briefly last night, but I also flirted with him after he complimented me.

That whole part seemed to have slipped my mind when waking up, and now that his gaze is bringing me back to that moment, that 'this has to be an illusion' montage is starting to become larger than I'd remembered.

It isn't until he finally snaps out of it and starts to help my mom clean up the mess that I snap out of it, too, going back upstairs to clear my head and cool the heat radiating over my skin.

———

There's a knock at my bedroom door about an hour later, and it sounds different than my mom's usually quick two-knock succession. That means it's someone else, and unsurprisingly, my stomach tightens at the thought of seeing him again.

"Yeah?" I call out, turning in my desk chair and meeting Spencer's figure in the doorway. He's changed, a rather nice pair of slacks and a white button-up shirt clinging to his limbs.

"Can I come in?"

"Mhm," I say. I still don't know if I entirely trust myself to say anything more than a few words to him, and as he enters the room and sits on the foot of my bed, I wonder if he can tell.

He tries, really tries, to look me in the eye, but I know that it's hard. I've been in the same spot. And then he takes a deep breath before folding his hands in his lap.

"Y/N, I want to apologize... When we... talked last night... It was kind of weird, and then this morning wasn't really any better..." He can barely get out the words 'talk' and 'last night'... And then he avoids my gaze altogether, staring at the floor and trailing off, trying to put his thoughts together it seems.

And that's when it starts to click into place.

There's one thing that both last night and this morning have in common, and I've noticed it almost every time I've caught him staring at me. At my legs. It's happened almost daily since I've met him. And then, the night I come home clearly having just been fucked, waltzing past him, entertaining his fascination with my legs and then masturbating to thoughts of him in the shower, he finally starts dropping mugs.

He must also really feel something here. Something similar to my own feelings. And really, that should be a red flag, because he's my mom's boyfriend, and it's a goddamned fucking mess...

But fuck, it excites me.

I'm still wearing my pajama shorts, silky and lavender in color, and I use them to my advantage, slowly crossing one leg over the other and just barely gaining Spencer's attention back.

"Yeah, what was that, anyway?" I ask him, amusement dripping off my tongue.

I can tell from his reaction that he wasn't expecting me to ask. A few times he opens his mouth to speak and then closes it , stumbling before panicking. He's been pretty good so far at coming up with answers and explanations, so the fact that this time I finally seemed to have broken him down makes it all the more clear.

He must have heard me in the shower.

Right?

I'm almost completely positive that's what this is about. And there's one way for me to get the confirmation I'm looking for.

"So you heard me, huh?"

I try to keep my voice as plain as I can as not to give away my motives, and with my luck Spencer is so flustered that he probably wouldn't have even noticed it at all. He looks up at me, his eyes desperately trying to find something he can use to make up a lie, but in the end there's no use.

I've caught him. And he knows it.

"Yes," he whispers. He looks exhausted, guilty, and also a little like he wants to cross the barrier and kiss me.

Okay, maybe that part's just in my head. I really can't tell. But I do know that hearing me call his name out in the shower last night is what brought him to this point of severe distress. As much as that excites me, though, it also embarrasses me a little. Maybe if it hadn't happened we could have avoided further destruction.

It must read on my face, because Spencer perks a little. "Oh! Y/N, I'm not... I'm not mad or anything. I really didn't mean to overhear and invade your privacy... Really, I-I'm sorry."

The fact that he's apologizing to me right now, rather than acting all grossed out that I even did it in the first place, tells me he either feels guilty for not being able to help himself from hearing me, or he's just a good guy who loves my mom and doesn't want to ruin it because of a little mishap.

Either way, it's frustrating, because I don't know what to do.

Well, I know what I want to do, but I don't know if I should hint at it.

But then he does something. It's small, and no one would have noticed, but I've been fascinated with his hands since the moment I met him, so my eyes are instantly drawn there.

They're clenched so hard, his knuckles are nearly white.

He's nervous.

To ease his mind a bit, I hold off on poking the bear harder (though it's really tempting to see what will happen if I don't) and nod, trying to make myself look as apologetic and small as possible.

"It's okay... I... I won't make it awkward if you won't?"

His shoulders slump, and his body seems to relax. "Y–yeah. Yeah, deal."

He gets up off the bed and blurts one final apology before heading for the door, but that part of me that wants to poke the bear further makes me stand up and follow him.

"Spencer?" I call out.

He freezes and turns to face me, and I don't think he quite expected me to be as close as I am. I have to tilt my head up to look at him, and the angle gives me an added layer of this innocence I'm trying to achieve.

"I'm sorry, too..."

No the fuck I'm not.

Whether he can sense my lie or not, he doesn't show it. But I think he at least knows that I'm pitching my voice a little higher on purpose, and if that doesn't give it away, the way I'm staring at him sure should.

Still, he only nods and retreats.

All there's left to do is see what happens.

JUNE 25th

For someone who agreed not to make things awkward, Spencer sure can't keep his eyes off of me.

To be fair, I have tried to keep things fairly normal. I only really interacted with him if I had to, I kept my distance, and I saved my skimpier clothing for the strangers I was regularly going out to see almost every weekend.

My lustful feelings for him aren't as strong now that I've been getting some on a semi-regular basis and keeping myself occupied. I've been doing my part.

But I still can't shake him entirely.

Whenever he spends the night (which is surprisingly most nights), the occasional wet dream about him gets me frustrated when I know he's just down the hall and sleeping soundly next to my mom. On those days I try to cut as much interaction with him as I can, though it doesn't keep me from seeing the occasional stare he throws my way.

I wish I could say that I hate it.

But I don't, and it increasingly gets worse. It's only been a week, so there's still time, but honestly, I don't think there's any shaking him.

Today especially is one of those days where it's hard not to give into the incessant need to tease him and coax some stronger reaction out of him.

I talked to Mom earlier this morning about getting some new clothes, and she had this brilliant idea to have Spencer take me. "It would be a good chance for you two to bond a little, don't you think?" she insisted, nudging him in the side and silently pleading with her eyes for him to agree.

I could tell from the look on his face that he really wasn't ready to be alone with me again, but that only excited me.

"Yeah, I think that's a great idea," I piped up, positively beaming.

Mom was so excited for us to 'bond' and also that I was gladly inclined to go through with it that Spencer couldn't have said no to her even if he wanted to.

And I was pretty sure he didn't want to.

Yet here we are, sitting in the car, the air conditioning so strong it's blowing some of my hair into my eyes. I think it had been his way of punishing me for choosing today to wear a short skirt, something I usually refrain from nowadays unless I'm going out, and it makes me smile. I can't help it.

I also can't help the way my fingers play with my skirt, dying to tease him some more. I just want to see, to know for sure that I'm driving him mad.

"No offence, but you seem weird today... Is there something wrong?" I ask him, lifting my skirt just a smidge. The air from the car blows the fabric in waves.

"You're acting this way on purpose."

Well, I hadn't been expecting that answer... All this time he'd hardly been confrontative, and now he's full-on calling me out. It's plain to see that he's finally snapped, and I would have felt sorry about it if I didn't find it extremely sexy.

"What do you mean?"

"Y/N..."

My name on his lips is a warning. He's clearly annoyed, exasperated, and I'm loving every second. "Don't act oblivious. I'm not stupid, and neither are you. I don't want to make you hate me or anything, but you have to know where I'm coming from. I was willing to let the shower thing slide... And you said you were too, for that matter, so I don't know what's changed, but it has to stop now. Understood?"

Oh, all I want is to argue with him. I want to point out that none of this is really my fault because he's the one who hasn't been able to stop staring at me all summer so far. I want to tell him that if he wants this to stop he has to make it stop.

But that isn't going to give me any of the answers I'm looking for or further proof of my theory that he wants me just as badly as I want him. And I am not going to fuck this whole situation up by making a poorly-timed move on him.

I have to know for sure.

So, I fold my hands neatly in my lap, sigh, and look dead ahead. "Right... We said no awkwardness. I'm sorry."

Spencer seems to accept my apology and continues down the road.

When we make it to the mall I think he's calmed down. At least, he seems a little more comfortable around me, and honestly I'm okay with it. As much as his spiel in the car turned me on, it also exhausted me to the point of silence.

Even as we walk around each store in the mall, I just lead and he follows, not saying a word when I pick out a top or a pair of pants or whatever else I need. And when it comes time to pay, he takes the basket from me and pays for it with no question.

Near five bags of clothes later, I figure I could get used to this new dynamic.

But then we pass a lingerie store, and I remember that the main thing I'd needed was new underwear. I start to turn into the store, but stop suddenly, pausing awkwardly and deciding to go straight ahead instead.

"You don't want to go in?" Spencer asks.

I shake my head. "No, it's fine. I can just pick some up later, it's not a big deal."

He sighs then, nodding his head towards the sign. "If you need to go in, you can... I'll just wait out here if you're uncomfortable."

I really want to call him out, ask him if he's the one who should be worried about being uncomfortable. But so far this afternoon has been pretty decent, and I really don't want to make things any weirder than they have to be.

Besides... If my theory is right...

"Sure. Thanks. Uh, how am I gonna pay, though?"

"O—Oh... I'll uh... I'll just watch the counter and come in when you need me."

"Orrrr, you could just give it to me?"

This time I get a laugh out of him. "Not a chance. Go in, I'll wait."

I smile at him and hand him the bags to hold onto while I leave, and it fills me with absolute amusement that he'd just given me one more ounce of proof that I'm right.

He's gonna have to come inside and pay for what I bought. He could have just given me the card, and maybe he truly doesn't trust me with it (which I don't know why he wouldn't honestly), but he chose to come inside all the same.

I browse happily then, going through the displays and picking out things I need, but also things I know Spencer will like.

Specifically, I stumble on a pair of lavender panties, embroidered with flowery trim up top. The pattern from the outside is lace, but there's a thin layer of cotton underneath designed to be more comfortable to wear.

I've noticed that he can never seem to look away when I'm wearing anything, really, but it's more intense when I wear one of two things. Florals, and any type of purple. And these fit both of those bills perfectly.

Now there's just one more bill to take care of.

I stride over to the counter and turn around, finding that Spencer's caught my eye immediately. Either he truly had been paying attention to the counter the whole time, or he'd been watching through the glass, following me with his gaze to the best of his abilities. Either way, he blinks a few times and looks like he's gathering the courage to go in before actually taking any steps.

I laugh to myself, eager to gauge his reaction to this next step.

Surprisingly, he holds up well. The air between me, him, and the cashier is obviously awkward, but he doesn't say anything and barely looks at what she rings up. (I say barely because he tries extremely hard not to look at the purple pair I picked out, inadvertently adding another checkmark to my list of proof.) She tells him the total, he hands her the card, and within a minute, everything is in our possession and we're leaving the mall entirely.

I don't think there are any more steps to my plan today once we get in the car and I tell him thank you. (To which he responds a short and simple, Sure thing, and turns the radio on.)

But then there's a note taped to the front door, and it instantly gives me another one.

My Sweethearts,

I got called in on a work emergency and won't be back until 7. I would have called but I figured you were having a nice time and didn't want to interrupt! I'll bring home dinner, and then maybe you can tell me about how your day went. Can't wait to hear it!

XOXO,

Eve/Mom

I check my phone, seeing that it's almost 3.

Perfect.

But I don't want to give myself away too quickly, so I thank Spencer again for taking me out and tell him that I'm going upstairs to make sure everything fits right. He nods and lets me go, though not without lingering eyes. I can feel it.

The smile never leaves my face as I try all my clothes on. Once each article has been fitted, I throw it in a laundry basket and move to the next, until I get to the last piece.

The lavender panties.

As expected, they fit perfectly, and as I look at myself in the mirror I picture what Spencer would look like when he sees me wearing them.

That's right. When.

I throw back on my earlier outfit and grab the basket, acting as bored and normal as possible to find him sitting at the kitchen table, reading a book.

"Hey," I greet him, setting the basket in front of me once I reach the bottom of the stairs. "Everything fits good, I just need them washed now. Could you run these down to the laundry room for me? I think I'm gonna make something to snack on before Mom brings dinner."

It doesn't surprise me to see him look at my legs before my face, even if it is brief. I want to smile, but I hold back, watching him nod with a tight smile of his own.

"Sure."

He disappears and then I wait.

One...

Two...

Three.

I sneak as quietly as I can to the laundry room once I hear the washer door open. I hadn't specifically asked him to put them in the washer for me on purpose, and it looks like now he's doing exactly what I thought he might.

My head peeks around the corner, barely in his range of sight as I watch him empty the basket. He takes one item of clothing at a time and throws it in the washer, and halfway through the basket he stops, just to place a pair of my new underwear on the dryer beside him.

My heart races faster the more I wait for him to get to the end of the basket. Once he does, he pauses again, and I think I know exactly what he's looking for.

Still, he sets the basket aside and picks up the stray pair of underwear, a simple black cotton pair that I'd been getting for years, and drapes it over his hands. My thighs instantly clench, and I try so hard to remain where I am so I can see where he takes this.

He takes it straight to hell, apparently, tentatively pulling his dick out of his pants and gripping it firmly. I can barely see since his back is partially turned, but I see enough, and god he's so fucking pretty. My underwear dangle from his left hand while the other works slowly over his erection, a soft sigh falling from his lips.

I fight to let one of my own slip as my hand sinks down the front of my body, past the lavender cotton and lace that I know he just wishes he had right now.

And then, a few seconds later he's already coming, using my brand new underwear to catch each rope of it, and the sight nearly has me on my knees.

And because I want to catch him in the act, I quickly draw my hand away from myself and step into the room, barely giving him time to recover.

"You come fast."

Spencer looks utterly devastated when he turns to see me standing in the entryway to the laundry room, arms crossed and an amused smirk adorning my face.

"Y/N... I—I... I'm so sorry, I didn't... I..."

"Don't worry about it," I say, taking a step towards him and shrugging. "You heard me, and now I heard you... We're even. Besides, I... figured you might be looking for these."

He's still stunned, but he looks down all the same, watching my hands slip under my skirt and glide the lavender panties down my legs. I step out of them and hold the garment up on one finger, a soft smile still on my face.

"I picked 'em out just for you, you know," I tell him, tossing them past his face and into the washer. "I've noticed that you like purple."

This time he's quick to respond. "Y/N, we... We can't... This isn't right."

"Says the man holding my underwear soaked in his cum..."

He looks panicked again, extremely guilty, but if this isn't going to end in a total disaster, then I have to reassure him that I'm okay.

"Spencer, I'm not mad..." I take another step forward, and it feels much like trying to approach a wounded animal. I can see in his eyes and in his posture that this conflict is killing him, so I decide to show some rapport. "And I know... I know this is messy... I love my mom... And I'm sure you care about her a lot... But are we really going to ignore this? We tried that, remember? And now look where we are."

"I..." He swallows, shaking his head and trying to avoid my eyes. "I can't stop thinking about you... I can't..."

My hand finds his arm, and the light touch has him sighing out, an incredulous, breathy laugh escaping him. "Y/N, please... Don't."

"Don't what?" I ask softly, praying he won't turn me away. If he does, we're just back to square one, only the square is jagged, sharper than ever before, and in serious danger of injuring someone.

When he meets my eyes, I see nothing but a desire for something he knows he can't have. "Don't want me."

Now it's my turn to laugh. My knees start to wobble as I go down, keeping my eyes locked onto his, and I swear I see them dilate fully. I scoot in closer, sliding my hand up his leg and finding the words in my heart to finally say out loud.

"It's too late for that..."

My face moves closer, and the hand of his that doesn't currently hold my underwear flies down to gently tug at my hair, keeping me in place.

"If you do this... God, Y/N, I won't be able to stop myself..."

A smirk dances over my lips as I lean in, breath fanning gently over his exposed skin. "Don't."

He swallows. "Don't what?"

"Don't stop yourself."

I barely get the words out before his hand is completely pulling me towards him, and the second my lips press against the silky skin of his hard cock, he loses it completely.

His fingers thread through my hair as I kiss and lick my way softly up to the tip. Once I'm there, I swirl my tongue out and taste the small beads of cum that had remained after he came, a low, satiated hum radiating through my body and making him shiver under my touch.

And then I wrap my lips fully around the head of his dick, and there's no stopping the most beautiful sound I've ever heard come out of his mouth. It's a broken, desperate whisper of my name. The crack in his voice when he says it spurs me forward, and I take him deeper into my mouth until he hits the back of my throat.

That's when he tosses my underwear in the washer and uses both of his hands to grab my head, roughly guiding me along his cock and fully taking control of my actions.

The fire in my belly doesn't ease up, not even once he's decided that he can't take it anymore and pulls me off of him harshly.

And that's only because now he's fully turned over, finally given into these desires that have been plaguing him presumably from the moment we met.

"I want you stripped and in your bed, on your hands and knees within the next five minutes."

I get up off the floor and walk up to him until our bodies are flush, my arms reaching up to wrap around his neck.

"What are you gonna do to me, Spencer?"

He searches my eyes, and his own grow dark with the purest form of sin I'd ever seen. And when his hands come up over the back of my legs, and under my skirt to grab my ass and pull me even closer to him, I can't help the little mewl that slips past my lips.

He smiles, and if it hadn't been for the grip he held on me, I would have fallen to my knees. "Little girl, when I'm through with you, you'll have to come up with some excuse to your mom about why you can't walk straight... Is that what you want?"

The mention of my mom should send me running in the opposite direction, but his threat only prolongs that fire in my veins and makes me want him even more.

I tilt my head up and press a gentle kiss to his lips.

"Do your worst..."

———

Turns out he was very true to his word.

Sitting at the kitchen table is somewhat of a relief, but I try not to walk around as much when Mom gets home. She'd asked me almost immediately if I was okay, and I told her I was just hungry and needed to eat something.

She seemed to have bought it, rushing to the kitchen to unpack the fast food she'd ordered for us. Over her shoulder, Spencer gave me a sly smile, and it took everything I had within myself not to crumble.

Through bites of food, I only half-listen to Mom telling us about the stuff she had to do at work because most of the words I'm hearing are in my head— A loop of endless dirty talk that plants deep into the soil of my stomach and spreads out through my whole body. It infects me, like the most beautiful poison, and I never want it to stop.

"Tell me, sweetheart, you ever let a man come inside you before?"

His weight on top of me coupled together with the heft of his voice has me whining out in pleasure, each snap forward of his hips over my ass as he pounds into me from behind the most delectable burn I've ever felt.

"Uh huh," I answer happily, twisting my head to feel his cheek against my own. "That night you heard me in the shower... I walked through the door with a stranger's cum soaking my panties... And you know what?"

He grumbles, his hips hitting into me harder as he waits for me to continue.

"I wished it was yours..."

My legs clench together under the table and I take a large gulp of water.

I feel something graze over my bare shin, and I already know it's Spencer's foot, a silent reassurance of his presence and that no matter what, he'll always be here.

"Here's what's going to happen..."

He has me on my back now, my legs hoisted over his shoulders and bent back so I'm nearly folded in half. His hips are flush against mine and I can feel his cock throbbing as he comes into the condom.

"You're gonna make an appointment to make sure you're clean... You're gonna make sure you're on good birth control... And then the next time I fuck this pretty little pussy, you're gonna really know what it feels like to have a man come inside you."

Right... Like I really need a reminder of his presence.

I can practically feel it still inside me, taking up every inch of space my body could provide. And no matter how long I go without seeing him, I have no doubt that it'll always remain.

"But that's enough about me, I'm sorry." Mom's voice shifts and breaks me out of my fantasy. "So, how did your day of bonding go? You have fun?"

Spencer and I share a look, a smile spreading over his lips that makes me smile in turn.

"Yeah, Mom," I say. "It was great."

He nods in kind. "Yeah... We'll definitely have to do it again."

His foot grazing over my leg under the table cements the unwavering smile on my face, as does the way my whole body burns at the memory of him fucking me upstairs only hours before.

I don't even flinch or get sick to my stomach when Mom reaches over and gives Spencer a kiss.

———

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#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x reader smut #spencer reid #spencer reid smut #criminal minds #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds smut

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egcdeath · 3 years

Text

secret santa

pairing: ransom drysdale x f!reader

a/n: this is so self indulgent. SO SELF INDULGENT. more self indulgent than anyone will ever be able to comprehend. before u all read this, i want u to know it was originally supposed to be about training ransom at a job, but then i realized that i nothing about 1. working at a coffee shop and 2. training an employee. also, i am the worst at writing dialogue. so i didn’t write a lot of dialogue LMAO enjoy :)

also, half of this was written at 1 am. just a warning

warnings: coffee shop au, enemies (kinda) to lovers, a lil fluff, not really angst but bitter feelings, kinda slow burn and then all the sudden a fast burn i’m sorry 😭

word count: 2.6k

You woke up to the sound of your alarm rumbling your bedside table sometime around the asscrack of dawn, and rubbed your eyes with a groan. Sometimes, you really couldn’t stand your job, but bills didn’t really pay themselves, did they? You rolled out of bed, and began your dreaded morning routine before heading out to start your opening shift at your local café.

Somewhere between warming up the espresso machine and taking out last night’s trash (which you shouldn’t have had to do in the first place), an older, yet expensive looking car pulled up to the front of the parking lot. You were a bit confused, as you’d never seen this vehicle, and it was quite clear that you weren’t exactly open yet. You watched as a tall man hopped out of the car, wearing a large peacoat and very unnecessary sunglasses. He approached the door, gave it a knock, then waited for you to come open it for him. Reluctantly, you made your way over, and in order to keep yourself safe, began to speak through the glass.

“Can I help you?” You asked in an annoyed tone, then gestured towards the piece of paper that labeled your hours on the door. There was no reason for any customer to be here this early. You looked up at the mystery man and made a rather intense eye contact with him. If this was any indicator of your crowd today, work was going to be far from pleasant.

“Yeah, I was told that I’m starting today?” He had a wicked smirk on his face, like he knew he was getting under your skin already. You hated people like him, and couldn’t believe that he could possibly be your coworker. On the bright side, he probably wouldn’t last long in the first place.

“Well, are you sure you’re here on time? I can’t see any situation where Melissa would schedule to open for your very first shift.” You commented with a furrowed brow.

“Eh, I kinda just figured I’d come in whenever. The girl in my bed was an early riser, so I thought to myself ‘Why not just come in now?’” He said casually.

“Your name?” You inquired, trying to keep your annoyance to yourself, and put on a customer service smile.

“Hugh, or Ransom,” he responded. You turned around, allowed yourself a huff and eye roll, then walked through the kitchen, and into the break room to check if he truly was a new employee, or just some random creep. Sure enough, a bright pink post-it note in very neat handwriting confirmed this man’s existence. You made your way back to the door, unlocked it, and let him in.

“Since you’re here, you should… set down the chairs,” you told him, less than entertained by his presence. You could just tell he was bad news. This Ransom guy was like the textbook definition of a red flag. He talked your ear off while you tried to get through your opening routine, some casual remarks about his last hookup, complaints about how he only got this job because his mother was a regular and good friends with your manager, and how he was threatened to get cut out of his grandfather’s will if he didn’t get employed soon, and what better way to spite your family than to mess up their daily coffees.

Eventually, a few more of your coworkers, along with your manager, Melissa, made it to the café before the morning rush began. You were sitting down at your typical barstool spot, and sipping an iced Americano when Melissa broke the news to you that you would be training the new employee. Upon hearing the news, you audibly groaned, and rubbed your forehead. There was no way that you could handle this man.

-------

During his first week, Ransom not only managed to offer (and successfully give) six customers his phone number, break two mugs, mess up more orders than even Euclid could comprehend, and spill straws a multitude of times all over the floor, but he began to flirt with you relentlessly. You had no idea why you’d become his new target of choice, when it was clear that he could have literally anyone he wanted. Maybe he liked that you were playing hard to get.

If you were being honest, you had to accept that he was handsome. And rich. And the definition of a fuckboy. And since you were being frank with yourself, you had to acknowledge that you were attracted to that ‘toxic and will treat you like shit’ kind of guy. You had a roster of ex boyfriends to prove that for you.

---

It was a pretty slow Tuesday afternoon, which meant you were sitting on your phone until a customer placed an order. Eventually, the little bell above the door chimed, and an older man came through, ordering a dark and bitter drink, then standing by the counter to wait. You began to restock lids while Ransom took care of making the drink, and once it was ready, you passed it over to the man. The man in question took a rather large sip, then promptly spat it out.

“What the fuck is this!” He roared, barely giving you time to react before he proceeded to toss the drink at you, spilling most of the hot content on your apron.

You gasped, gawking down at your scorched and ruined clothing, then up at the customer, who’d turned around with a huff and left, leaving a stream of strong language on his way out. You bit back tears at the whole fiasco, and cringed as both the steamy drink, and your salty tears stung different parts of your body. You turned to look at the barista, who had passed you along the drink, and were met with no other than the white devil himself. It seemed that all the blood had drained from his already otherwise pale face.

“Oh my god, this is all my fault,” he began remorsefully. “Let me make it up to you somehow.”

“Whatever,” you huffed, running a hand through your hair, and shoving Ransom angrily while you more or less stomped into the staff bathroom.

You looked at yourself in the mirror and frowned before bringing up your bundled apron to your face and screaming into it. Stupid fucking customers. Stupid fucking job. Stupid fucking Ransom. It’s like he came to your job just to make it hell. You were tired of cleaning up all these messes for him, and honestly, you wish he’d just quit already. The longer you worked with him, the more tempted you were to pour sugar in his gas tank, then take a club and break all the windows in the Beemer.

------

For the next month, your brain was completely elsewhere at work. Your brain was constantly going back and forth with you between finding Ransom hot and horrendous. While the pair of you finished up closing one night, you heard your coworker begin to speak to you as you placed your hand on the keys in your pocket.

“I know you hate me, Y/N. I get it. What that guy did to you was awful, and yes it was my fault, but what else have I done to hurt you?” He asked, seemingly out of the blue. You weren’t even sure how to respond. Ignoring the man and demonizing him in your head had become almost a second nature. “I mean, I think we could’ve been good friends. Even though you seem to think I’m devil incarnate, I think you’re a pretty cool chick-“ he continued before being cut off by you.

“Why do you even care?” you burst out, “Ransom, you just don’t get it do you? You’re just.. a douchebag. I get it, you have your moments where you’re candid and open with people, but half of the time you’re talking, you’re objectifying someone. Or bragging about something you own. Don’t get me wrong, I could get past what you did to me on accident, but you seriously have to work on yourself,” the words just seemed to pour out without your control. “Goodnight, Ransom,” you said simply before leaving the café for the night.

——

Since that day, the tension between you and Ransom had evidently become more thick. Since he was finally finished training with you, you made sure to only speak to him if you absolutely needed to, and even then, you only communicated with him in brief and straightforward answers. Sure, it seemed like a small thing to be upset about, and sure, he’d apologized, but something told you that any excuse to stay away from Ransom was a good excuse.

Though he appeared to be an immoral and selfish man, he seemed genuinely sorry for all that he’d put you through. Occasionally, you’d be sitting in the break room and look up from your phone to see him watching you. When you’d make eye contact, he would look like he wanted to say something to you, but your petty ass would leave, or look back at your phone. He was bad news anyway.

Your boss quickly caught onto what was going on between the two of you, and usually, Melissa didn’t like to participate in petty drama, but your new sour mood was such a stark contrast from before, and it seemed to shift the whole mood of the café.

That afternoon, Melissa called for a team meeting a bit before closing, and suggested a family dinner along with a Secret Santa. She’d said something along the lines of ‘It’s been way too long since we’ve done a team bonding activity, and a gift exchange is perfectly fitting for the Holiday season.’ This did make you perk up, as Melissa had a great taste in restaurants, and you were always down for a good gift exchange.

Melissa then told everyone to write their names down, then put them in a decorative Santa hat. You and your coworkers obliged, then began to pass around the hat once again in order to draw a name. You really hoped to get Xavier. You had the perfect idea of something he’d love. As you drew a piece of paper from the hat, you imagined the matching pair of fluffy socks for a human and dog that you’d passed by during your last trip to Target. You began to unfold it, thinking of what color he might like the most, when you looked down and saw ‘Ransom’ drawn out in chicken scratch.

You tried your best to mask your annoyance at who you received, but on the inside, you were seething. You mentally cursed the universe out while you pulled on your coat, and grimaced to yourself once you got out to your car. How were you supposed to get this asshole a gift?

—-

The week leading up to the exchange went fairly well for you, although it was getting a bit exhausting to be so mad at Ransom all the time. You tried to be less harsh with him, considering you needed to learn more about him in order to get him a somewhat decent gift for your exchange.

He’d seem to have taken your conversation with him to heart, and began to talk less and less about other girls when he was working with you. He didn’t comment on how well your jeans fit you, and you noticed that he’d often overextend himself in order to help you with (pretty basic) daily aspects of the job. Ransom would ask you questions about yourself, and your family, and speak less about himself. If you were honest with yourself, he was becoming a better man. And the best part was, he seemed to be doing it just for you. The thought of which brought heat to your face.

—

On the night of the exchange, you threw on a hideous and scratchy Christmas sweater before picking up your neatly wrapped gift for Ransom. You truly hoped that he’d like it, even though it certainly wasn’t the most expensive item. You bid farewell to your cat, then went on your way to the restaurant. You had to admit, you were a bit late. So it should’ve been no surprise when you arrived, and found that the only seat left at the table was next to Ransom. You gave him a cordial smile before sitting down and ordering yourself a glass of Merlot.

Something about being so close to him was kind of riling you up. The strong timbre sent coming off of him was making your whole body feel slightly warmer than normal, and you tried to ignore this strange sensation while you talked and joked with your coworkers. At one point, Ransom leaned in nice and close to you, and began to speak to you.

“Jesus Christ, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything as hideous as Karmen’s sweatshirt,” he whispered right into the shell of your ear. Maybe it was the wine talking, but that simple action sent a whole chill through your body, and made you flush even harder than you’d flushed before. You let out a little giggle and nodded in agreement, looking across the table at her very ugly sweater.

“To be fair, the whole point of this was to wear something really ugly,” you turned your head back to where it was before, only to find that Ransom had somehow moved even closer to you.

“I just don’t know where you find something like that,” he commented, gazing much too deep into your eyes. You swore you felt the room shift after he began looking at you like that. There was about a 20% chance that you’d be able to keep your panties on after this kind of exchange. Luckily for you, a waitress broke the tension for you, setting down a few plates for everyone, then bidding them farewell. Damn.

The food was amazing, and didn’t last very long, meaning that it was time to pass gifts around sooner than later. You watched as Amy received a gift card from Sophie, Emily opened a plethora of chocolates gifted to her by Melissa, and Xander whiffed a candle given to him by Kennedy, then, it was your turn. You glanced around the table before you felt the arm next to you reach down, then hand you an oversized gift bag.

“I hope you like it,” Ransom said with a shy smile. You casually felt your cheeks on your way to pull out the very large item. You found it was a very large, and soft, hand knit blanket. It looked like it could’ve cost a small fortune, and you immediately found yourself embarrassed.

“Oh wow. This is perfect! Thank you so much,” you grinned over at your coworker, who seemed to be blushing himself. “Well, I guess I should probably give you this then,” you chuckled awkwardly before passing him your wrapped package. He tore it open barbarically, then began to laugh. Of all the gifts in the world, you two had gotten each other somewhat similar items. Sure, it wasn’t hand knit with the love of some grandma who ran a small business on Etsy, but it was the thought that counts.

“I love it, Y/N,” he exclaimed, looking deep into your eyes once again. He ran his fingers through the soft fabric, then set a hand on your arm. In that moment, it felt like time stopped. It was just you two, sitting in a quiet room, enjoying the presence of each other. You don’t even know what had gotten into you, but before you knew it, you felt a nose pressed up against yours, and a billion butterflies erupt out of your stomach. You heard a few grimaces from your coworkers at the sappy, Hallmark-like moment but what could you say.

Maybe Ransom was not that bad after all.

#ransom thrombey x you #ransom drysdale x reader #ransom thrombey x reader #ransom drysdale x you #knives out fanfic #hey i wrote that lol

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nc7dr3am · 3 years

Text

IF LILY DATED...

HI this is a long post. the idea for this was inspired by my favorite @delicatejisung who also has an nct dream oc that you MUST follow. also i know the edit sucks. also also i write very light nsfw stuff in this. like mentions but no smut cuz i don’t do that. HOWEVER there are no nsfw mentions w jisung. ik teens do whatever and lily is only a year older than him but 1.) i will not do that because he is still a minor and 2.) they just aren’t like that together. they don’t need it

THIS IS ALL HYPOTHETICAL NONE OF IT IS OFFICIALLY CANON. lmk which ones sound cute cuz even tho it’s not gonna happen .. lilno and chenlil might have stolen my heart

mark:

you can bet they’d be so completely in love with each other

very sweet, very romantic

“baby” “babe”

in front of the camera they’re normal, the same amount of affection as usual, oftentimes less

lily, when mark is talking or being unintentionally attractive: *bites bottom lip, looks up a little, seems like she’s trying not to smile*

he does his rap in mfal to her randomly and it’s cringey and funny but he does it to make her smile because he knows it’s her fav title track

when she sings he smiles so wide because in his opinion. there is no sound more beautiful than her voice

they talk to each other so well. like. they can sit for HOURS just talking and it never gets old to them

writes genuine love letters to her but will cringe and hate himself if he gives them to her until she gets teary and smiles

her basically giving him book reports about the books she reads and he literally falls more in love with her when she’s screaming about the novels because she is so PASSIONATE

her falling asleep in the practice rooms or studio late at night because she INSISTS on staying with him

and when he kisses her he likes to tilt her chin up with his hand of holds both sides of her face

hyuck taking credit for the whole relationship

she has a collage of polaroids of them, of him (including some of the ones from qtah) that are separate from her other photos of friends (she has a lot)

mark has a few polaroids of her that he keeps by his bed and he always smiles when he sees them

HE 10000% WRITES SONGS FOR HER AND SHOWS HER BUT HES REALLY NONCHALANT ABOUT IT

she never calls him oppa (even a bit before they start dating tbh)

when she has to do sexy performances or just acts sexy you will 100% find mark at his most awkward

they will have fun doing ANYTHING they’ll be happy through anything if they’re together

they could go through five watermelons in a day

konglish all the time. and getting excited/thinking something is funny and jumping and screaming

“can i have your netflix password, lils?” “mark you’re literally richer than me and still use all of my accounts”

her getting embarrassed by him and giggling

she will continue her campaign to get mark to play spiderman

lazy days making music, him watching her cook, binge watching american reality shows she likes, and literally just days where theyfe in bed and make out and talk and make out

shopping trips all the time

they love to do activities together. like, they’ll go places and try new things

she’s desperate to visit his home and his family

and they have their ideal life planned. like. if they weren’t idols they’d get an apartment together. they wanna have some pets together. they have trips they’d like to go on together

they grew up together, they’ve loved each other for years, they’ve been pillars of support

but as much as they’ve loved each other they grew to be IN love with each other

but teased by every unit especially 127. wbk.

they’re more.. private than the others. they’re alone together a lot and don’t overdo it in front of the others

SLIGHT nsfw below. no smut but. and then some fluff near the end <3

ummm so like. vanilla for the most part even tho lily is a bit more ✨wild✨

oh um. ass grabs. when they’re alone but. constantly

when they get comfy with each other (read: when mark finds confidence and is comfy) he will always have his hands on her ass

even just resting there

mirror selfies with his hand on her ass

if he can’t touch her ass, it’s always a hand on her thigh

very affection when alone together, moderate when they’re with others

he likes to lay on her stomach and she loves when he lays on her shirtless

so many days where they just lay in bed together, tangled in lily’s blankets, music playing in the background, lazy makeout sessions... need i go on? CUTE SHIT

mark isn’t great at expressing his emotions publicly, and they hold so much of their relationship just between them. they both always know how much they love each other

renjun:

so they’re SOFT

song covers together

she tries to learn mandarin but. she ends up getting frustrated that she can’t get it and renjun kisses it better

he tells her the wrong words in mandarin a lot and it has fucked her over a lot, especially in lives

“oppa, how do you say ‘i bought that shirt for renjun?’”

*in mandarin* “i am in love with renjun”

they’d be a bit more obvious about their feelings, a bit more touchy

when they confess, they’re together right away, no questions asked. they literally need each other

sleepovers every night and they’re generally really cozy

lily reading, renjun drawing, a movie playing on her laptop that they aren’t paying too much attention to

renjun has specific articles of clothing he puts aside in his closet because he KNOWS she’s gonna take those specific ones

he is very into giving her flowers and little gifts

shes asked him to give her mf art lessons LMAO

ended with them covering each other in paint and making a MESS

they’re silly together, they’re the couple who knows how to cook but starts playing with the ingredients and makes a mess

they leave sticky notes for each other everywhere

lily jumping into his arms

constant pecks on the lips. the dreamies are sick of it. so sick of it.

deep talks late at night

lily being funny and having a box of his stuff in her room even though they live in the same place

nomin threatening renjun

but then lily fourth wheeling with them all

somehow they become even more of a savage duo

when they make eye contact while performing they’ll make faces at each other

he turns the koala joke into her pet name

so he calls her koala and she calls him a pain in her ass

SOFT KISSES he always cups one side of her face

he braids her hair a lot or does cute little styles

lots of cafe dates

will KILL any of the others if they wake her up when she’s sleeping

the type of romance that’s sappy but also they can most definitely roast each other

she likes to wrestle him LMAOO

the way they’re basically chenji’s babysitters is SO FUNNY it started to happen a lot right after they got together

they want to adopt a puppy and name him moomin

SLIGHT nsfw below. no smut but. and then some fluff near the end <3

okay so it’s kinda.. more hesitant and sometimes she takes the lead more than he does

their make out sessions are more heated but don’t always lead to something

like the way it’s going youd THINK it’d be something, but then they just decide to watch a movie and go to bed

he really likes her neck and collarbones but can’t do much to her neck because yknow they’re idols

there’s almost no insecurity in their relationship

it’s very relaxed and loving, and everyone around them can see and feel the love

jeno:

a bit unexpected

a ✨whirlwind romance✨

lilno? more like lilmino because jaemin is always there

a part of her was genuinely sad that she broke up nomin and everyone looks at her like she’s crazy

torn between her love for him and letting him go if jaemin confessed

they can be a bit more obvious in front of fans than the others, because for some reason there isn’t much suspicion there

in front of czennies he lowkey flexes and picks her up over his shoulder a lot, has his arm around her a lot, and they wink at each other from across the set

he holds her waist a lot, and he’s super protective

but also the !! softness !!

have literally been walked in on several times of them just peppering each other with kisses and laughing and its literally lowkey a movie romance

working out together

practicing dances together

the type of guy to literally ignore everything she’s saying because her beauty distracted him

she hits him on the arm for that

passionate kisses

there have been too many times where the others walk in the kitchen and lily is sitting on the kitchen counter with her arms around jeno’s neck as they’re just making out

they’re the couple that’s yelled at by the dreamies the most because sometimes they need to chill out

LMAO THEYRE LIKE THE HORMONAL HIGH SCHOOL COUPLE

and like they love each other deeply and fully, it’s not high school in that regard

but they giggle too much and are kinda all over each other sometimes

they use pet names just a BIT too much

the older guys are a bit more protective of her with him than they would be with any of her other options

cuz while they’re softies

they escalate their relationship super quick

and it’s RIGHT for them

but the hyungs are protective

jeno surprisingly isn’t that jealous because if he could actually get lily

he knows neither of them are going anywhere

him constantly telling her how beautiful she is

her encouraging him and telling him he’s so talented and more than he thinks he is

when they ride the tandem bikes (i think that’s what they’re called? the bikes with two people?) it’s just jeno pedaling

OH and when they make eye contact during stages it only enhances their stage presence because they both wanna look sexy for their boo

jeno is rooting for lily solo because he knows she deserves it

super sweet and wholesome and they make each other smile so WIDE

she pops his zits for him LMAO

cuddles for DAYS and jeno’s fav thing is when she falls asleep in his arms

touches his muscles all the time

SLIGHT nsfw below. no smut but. and then some fluff near the end <3

they make out so much OMG

a bit wilder than she would be with others

she loves to run her hand down his abs

when she does that or touches his biceps it lowkey turns him on

jeno is a bit more reserved than the others at times, but with lily he feels utterly HIMSELF

he doesn’t feel like the jeno who is just a hot rapper. he feels more than that with her

they bring the light out in each other

hyuck:

another unexpected pair but a lot more expected than jeno/lily would be

they’re both literal sunshine and they would be such a beautiful couple

lily aka the only human alive to fluster hyuck

and even THAT doesn’t happen very often

hyuck’s lap = lily’s seat

SO touchy and affectionate but not in the way lily/jeno would be

it’s like constant hand holding, hugging, sitting on each other, leaning on each other, stars in there mf EYES

while they still tease each other and mess around

i have a very specific image in mind of them waking up together, hyuck leaning over her, the biggest smiles on their faces, and then kissing each other

and lily’s just like “hi” with the cutest smile, and then he says it back with the same smile

it might surprise you but hyuck POSSESSIVE

will gatekeep her and not let anyone hug her

always calls her his girlfriend in front of the members

he stands behind her with an arm around the middle of her torso a lot and she’s just absentmindedly playing with his fingers

only a tiny, lil bit obvious in front of czennies because they’re both so affectionate?? and before they dated lily would call him the love of her life?? and keep her face close to his?? this is NORMAL for them

but one of the biggest clues is hyuck being physically unable to not stare at her lips sometimes

they read each other’s tarot nearly every day HAHAH

very romantic as well

she sings him “you are my sunshine” all the time, just stroking his face and staring at him with all of the love in the world

like i said, they still tease the fuck outta each other and roast each other and are at each other’s throats but then they can flip INSTANTLY

he kisses her knuckles and traces her face

he games and she’s falling asleep on his lap

127 squad doesn’t like when they’re being forward because haechannie is the maknae

she loves life cuz more hyuck = more taeil

he will move mountains to make her laugh or see her smile

he’s begging sm for a sexy dance break with the two of them

she’s obsessed with how gorgeous his skin is

the type of boyfriend that notices the tiny little things

he’ll do things/get things for her just because he thought of her or remembered something she said

SLIGHT nsfw below. no smut but. and then some fluff near the end <3

another one that’s a bit wilder

theyre not shy LMAO

steamy intense makeouts like

how is he so good? lily is very satisfied

overall they’re such a fun beautiful HAPPY couple

theyre both so loving and wonderful and there is not one single doubt in anyone’s mind that they love each other fully

jaemin:

literally impossible in any universe

chenle:

lily and chenle have always been two sides of the same coin and he had been waiting for so long

the SMILES

the most beautiful happy smiles at each other ALWAYS because how did they get so lucky?

they were each other’s first proper kiss (canonically, as well)

it’s perfect because they’re best friends and always have been

nothing much changes except the affection and little things because they’re both still best friends

jisung being on all of their dates

he always buys her expensive shit and she hates it so much

she puts on lipstick JUST to kiss his cheek

jisung has walked in on them vibing, on them making out, and yeah he’s sick of it and so happy he only saw them kissing

always sleeping in the same room (usually at his place 👀) but theyre a huge mess when they sleep at night and someone ends up hitting the other because chenle moves too much for her liking

they’re still competitive and of course they still have their alliance

because dating or not, they would fight to the death on that rooftop

chenle literally will kiss every inch of her face because he likes hearing her giggles and he can’t believe he finally got his lily

CUDDLING ALL THE TIME and they’ve fallen asleep on the couch in the dorms and when they’re sleeping HARD the others like to see how many things they can balance on their heads

he will HYPE HER UP ALWAYS

but then say summ like “her face is weird tho” after and unless they’re in front of fans he ends up kissing her after she hits him

when she has to be sexy on stage, he is HERE FOR IT even if the stage is with another person because!! YES his girlfriend is hot, he’s LUCKY

she loves going to his house!! mostly because his family but also

they get to have privacy and be a couple

they’ll hold hands on camera cuz they don’t give a single fuck

they’re definitely outed and have to go public

which just makes their competitive streak and constant roasts WORSE

she loves the sound of his laugh but will yell at him if it hurts her ears

threatens to get one of his predebut photos tattooed on her

a big part of them loving each other is annoying each other and being soft behind the scenes

always together

SLIGHT nsfw below. no smut but. and then some fluff near the end <3

the more intimate aspects of the relationship were really weird at first

but they’re very compatible so it was just fun to them

he WILL honk her boob. has done it in front of the others by accident and jaemin forbid her to see him for a few days

they kinda taught each other how to kiss way before they dated so it was funny when they did it as a couple

peak friends-to-lovers and even czennies can’t help but love then

jisung:

god their shyness is kinda annoying

really confident in private- they talk a lot, they’re very good at just chilling

but lily has to be the one to hold his hand because he’ll get nervous even when he’s so comfy in the relationship

i mean not that the dreamies have time to be in a relationship, but jisung was so SCARED to kiss her and have his first kiss

she thought it was funny

clumsy duo and they tease tf outta each other for it

chenle always being around

they can’t tell who the members are more protective over in the relationship

hugs!!! she loves to backhug him and he thinks it’s cute cuz she’s so tiny

they watch harry potter too much

she has almost convinced him to ride a rollercoaster but ended up failing

he makes fun of her height a lot and then she’ll trip him or something

he’s kinda protective and gets insecure that he’s younger than her sometimes but she just kisses his cheek and tells him to stop worrying

tbh they’re the most innocent, wholesome couple

they wanna go out on dates and they do but catch another member tagging along to babysit them

she gets wine drunk next to him and he can’t drink so he just has this drunk woman on his hands and doesn’t know what to do but honestly she just wants him to cuddle her to sleep

his voice is her favorite sound and she wants him to sing more

whenever anyone says something weird about jisung they both hold up the handcuffs cuz

they’re super weird they can be so confident and then one of them gets flustered and will be a shy baby

trading lines in concerts

lily making cute faces at him, staring at him blankly, winking at him, acting cute to him in front of fans

they share one braincell together and probably accidentally outed themselves by using pet names and like. holding hands on live

and then the OH SHIT face happens

they’ve given the older members heart attacks because he’ll give her a piggyback ride, they’ll hug really tight, or WORSE... they’ll give each other a lil kiss

they’re more innocent by nature but they love kissing and he loves holding her face because her skin is pretty and soft

he wears her perfume on his wrist so he can smell her and smile

the type of boyfriend who is CLUELESS about girl stuff

he wants her to try a different hair color. like a weird one

she refuses

taeyong actually loves them together so much

them dating and being IN LOVE and jisung still gives her cash for her birthday

the “i love you’s” are so. cute. and full. of. LOVE

she is merciless when theyre playing something against each other. she’ll TRY to get him out

usually lily is clingier but when she’s standing and jisung is sitting with his arms around her waist and his head squished to her side it’s so cute

he gets randomly really clingy at times and won’t let go of her

emotional bub will get teary because he loves her so much

#na jimin #na lily #nct addition #nct dream addition #nct dream oc #nct oc #kpop addition #kpop oc #nct 22nd member #nct dream 8th member

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trzee · 3 years

Note

yeah i agree in general there are a lot more reasonable takes here than on twitter. like personally genuine irl shipping (like.. actually believing they are together or even fanart/fics) makes me cringe for some reason even though i respect ppl’s art and know they don’t care and i don’t have a problem with most shippers. however the way dnf act /is/ funny and weird and i like their dynamic, so it’s much easier for me to get people talking about that reasonably (whether they ship it or not!) on this site which is why i’m here. the only thing that makes me uncomfortable on here are like very detailed analyses that can come across as kinda delusional and obsessed (like in a larry way where people believe he has a fake child or whatever lmao) but those are pretty rare.

on twitter, i feel like there’s a small amount of people who are hardcore shippers, some of who are very nsfw. again, i get dnf are okay with it, but also in every example dream has given for nsfw stuff it was that he thought it was weird to complain about because you would have to go looking for it to find it, which i feel like isn’t the case now that people are doing that out in the open on a site they interact with. the rest of twitter imo are largely /j shippers who get away with saying weird, unfunny, and out of pocket stuff directed at them by adding a /j (ie “george is a bottom!!!1 /j”) i feel like they’re in denial about being irl shippers or something and have a little bit of a parasocial relationship which leads to them being weird about boundaries because they think they’re just joking with their friends or something. i’ve also seen people cite their friends making jokes about dnf as reasons why they should also be able to reply with these jokes to them, but the underlying difference is like you guys are not their friends and i highly doubt any of their friends actually think they’re together or interested in each other lol.

i’m not trying to draw their boundaries for them (also like george literally bait posted yesterday he kissed dream so lmao) but as a bystander it’s weird and tbh cringey to me to see people replying to every tweet with weird shit that even as a joke is overdone and unfunny lol. sorry this got kinda out of hand it’s just i started on twitter and now can’t interact with it because of the weirdness i get such bad second hand embarassment even tho i know a lot of these people are kids. imo twitter just sucks as a platform for fandom stuff that i feel like should be separate from the ccs. sorry if this is too much or unwanted but here is my perspective as someone who is uncomfortable with irl shipping

always feel free to share your opinions with me as long as you’re being respectful! i don’t mind talking about such things. :]

imo i don’t think shipping is that much of a big deal, like i’ve been part of fandoms since 2011? to give you an idea, i used to read fics on livejournal, so i’ve seen the worst of the worst, i’ve literally been kissed by the fires of hell, and now everything that i’ve seen so far is pretty mild, especially here, i’ve never really encountered nsfw fanart or fics thrown around on twitter (these are usually on ao3 which i consider to be okay since cc’s are not lurking there like they’re on twitter).

luckily, people got educated and learned how to ship irl people in a healthy way.

the first time i encountered such gate keeping against shippers was here. i was so surprised it was almost a cultural shock to me, but i think that this amount of gatekeeping comes from the fear of what has happened to other celebrities/ccs that got shipped; and also, dream and george are very active on twitter and they know everything that goes on the fandom.

which i agree that there are things that should be kept hidden from them, like fanfics - which didn’t work out that well since george ended up reading heat waves anyway, but he found it because people were always talking about it and disrespecting the author’s wish. (and i can’t tell you how happy i am that they didn’t react like assholes about it, and dream even dm’ed the author talking about how much of a good author she is)

it’s weird for me because i’m part of a fandom that is twice (or even bigger) than the size of mcyt, and they’re pretty chill (of course you have the bad apples as always), but the community for mcyt on twitter is on another level of shitty. i almost gave up on keeping up with george and dream because of them, they have a cult like mentality where they think they are famous celebrities or something just because they’ve been on the fandom for a long time, which actually means nothing lol and i do agree with you that most of twt that is like “george kisses dream /j” is actually someone that ships them but doesn’t want to admit it because they’re afraid people will make fun of them, but the thing is if you’re old enough and you know how to respect content creators as human beings, you can ship them and continue to do your own stuff without it becoming something weird.

#zee answers #critical #cw negativity #long post

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notasiren21 · 4 years

Note

#40 from the prompt list please and thank you!!!

I’m so sorry this took so long!!!

Someone You Loved

Rating: Mature for some themes

Pairing: fuckin’ Lukanette boi

Word count: 4,665

Prompt: (40) “I wasn’t lying when I said that I loved you.”

Description:

Well, Luka sings a song and I pissed @macaknight off with this when I asked her to beta read the start of it. It helps if you listen to the song in the story, Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi. Enjoy lmao

She was around by his side long enough to engrave the little things into his mind.

He knew how it felt to have the soft strands of midnight blues through his fingers as he tangled them in her hair. To have her legs settle on either side of his as he trailed his hand up her small back and waist under her soft cotton shirts. The cheeky grin he grew to love baring up at him when his arms bracketed with her in between he picked her up at home.

How he didn't care for sweets but loved the way blueberry muffins tasted on her tongue and the taste of her mixed with raspberry jelly when it leaked from the corner of her pouty lips.

How the Liberty swayed under his feet against the small currents the wind brought on as they danced in the rain. The feel of his converse bracing both their weights as her drenched skirt blew in harsh waves between them. The first lightning strike reflecting off an anchor necklace he gave her on their first date.

When she kissed his cheek when he started humming absently with frustration as he tried to figure out the melody he wrote. Her small fingers pulling the pencil out of his death grip as she lent her forehead against his to calm him and decipher the jumbled notes he had in his head.

The way her face lit up when he played it back to her.

The way her face fell when she told him she loved him but they couldn't be together.

How her arms stiffly pulled away from his hug and the red of her eyes she showed up with.

How the airy taste of salt from the water didn't compare to the salt of his tears that trailed to his lips as he grounded the palm of his hands to his eyes roughy as sobs racked through his body when he collapsed to the wood of the ship.

The way it left him numb with hurt and he became too compliant with his happenings, too accepting.

Defeated.

Music was harder to hear and enjoy, he couldn't compose anything more than a haunting melody that brought any stranger to tears.

He wasn't sure he even felt the burn to his tongue when he drank his hot coffee as soon as it was handed to him. Or the rough jerk of his shoulder to turn him around as his guitar bounced off his back.

"Hey man, you look worse for wear." Théo, a former classmate of his that now ran the coffee shop, spoke as he eyed him critically. Luka shifted his thick blacks squared rimmed sunglasses up higher to cover his dark circles better. "I'd say it's great to see you, but..."

“Yeah, I’m just tired.” He offered the excuse at the ready, hating how well lying came with sadness.

“Ah, life of a famous rockstar.” Théo teased with a smirk. “No wondering you’re wearing a hat like that backwards to cover your hair and shades for those ‘oh so sexy’ blue eyes of yours.”

“Not famous,” Luka cringed at Théo’s words. “Just well known on the internet I guess.”

“Sorry for overplaying your popular cover videos man.” His old school mate laughed.

"It's fine. What's up?" He forced a smile that came across as genuine despite what he felt.

Théo crossed his arms and made a jerk with his head in the direction of the shop across the street, "New place has been stealing some of our loyal customers." Luka scratched under the brim of his black baseball cap he had on backwards as he followed the movement. "Lunch hour is about to hit and you know much we moved to stop by this part of town for break."

"Yeah, your aunt made good scones." He supplied.

He grunted in response, "Yeah. Well, girls frequent here more from school, and they keep going there," he roughly jerked his chin to the place again, "Just because there's an older guy who takes their order who is attractive, I guess. Or so I'm told."

Luka blinked at the shop before turning to his old friend, "What do you need from me then?"

"Observant as always, Couffaine." He snorted with a shake of his head. "I wanted to see if you -an attractive older guy- would give a small performance just as the girls come."

"What? Why?"

"Are you dense? With your face and body, and that 'sinful voice' of yours the girls cooed about back then and from your YouTube covers, I'm guaranteed to bring in more customers for today."

Luka tossed his half full coffee cup to the trash next to him. His own arms crossing as he wished he was in his cabin instead, laying on his bed while he stared up at the ceiling and trying to not feel the clench of his arm when he smelled Marinette's hibiscus shampoo and berry scented perfume on his pillows.

"I don't know."

His friend clasped onto his shoulder again, "Please man, you can keep 40% of the money you help bring in, I don't care. That shop is a dick and acting like we're not its competition."

“Man, you really don’t have to, I’ll just take a free coffee if you really need this.” Anything seemed better than just wallowing at home at this point, despite the incredible want to do so that swelled within him as he stood on the block he and Ladybug often frequented to patrol. “I mean it.”

Théo smiled, guiding him to a spot that he started clearing out near the cafe’s short fence that caged the outdoor tables and chairs.

“That’s okay, I feel bad to make you work without pay.” He straightened his back that had been bent forwards as he pushed tables, “Consider it repayment for that time you paid for my lunch.”

Luka stopped, “Lunch? When did I-,” he grunted. “Théo, that was four years ago.”

“Well, last Saturday had me thinking about all my debts and regrets when I thought I was gonna die. You came up.”

He flinched at mention of Saturday.

Saturday, the final fight against Hawkmoth who showed up in person with a struggling Mayura and an akumatized sentimonster of Lila. The combination of their powers as well as the wickedness that resided in the girl proving to be a difficult fight for them all when Ladybug and Chat pulled the entire team in.

Including a Chloé Bourgeois who was more than ready to help.

He could’ve sworn he heard Marinette screaming his name in worry when Hawkmoth closed in on him and hit into his side with his cane full force. But that was ridiculous. Because Marinette was Ladybug and Ladybug was Marinette. And Marinette wanted nothing to do with Luka since they had broken up without reason beyond her excuse of not being able to be with him.

He was a bit bitter about the whole ordeal.

Okay, he was more so lovesick and depressed, but his negative energy still stood.

“Yeah,” he flinched again when he heard his voice crack and he thumbed his bracelet -once silver, now a metallic black to hide better, “At least they finally caught Hawkmoth for good.”

“No kidding, now we can just focus on the heroes and the gossip your little girlfriend’s bestie posts.”

A knife. Through his heart. Twisting and gutting.

“Gossip?” He chose the safer option of the sentence, ignoring the onslaught of pitying questions and half-assed supportive promises that correcting Théo would bring.

“Yeah, like how that Ryuuko dragon girl and Chat are definitely dating and that Viperion and Ladybug totally have the hots for one another and the soft looks they give during patrols.”

A chainsaw. Just shredding his heart to pieces.

Luka Couffaine once thought he was a smart kid who made the right decisions.

How wrong he had been.

“Right.” He bit out, gripping the strap of his guitar case and scratching his baseball cap.

Théo shot up and loudly clapped with a whoop, “There we go! Now, I should grab the mic stand from open mic nights and just plug that in and some speakers, then we’ll be good to go.” Maybe Luka should’ve just left. “I’ll get ‘er done in five minutes, tops.”

Luka only nodded, watching as he ran around and set things up, then proudly presented Luka with the lone table he left set up to sit on.

He eyed his skeptically behind his sunglasses before hopping up, testing his weight on the surface before he crossed one ankle across his thigh and took his guitar from Théo who unzipped it for him. Théo pushed the mic stand closer to Luka and adjusted when he peered up at him.

“What do you want me to sing?”

His old friend shrugged with an easy smile, “Anything that comes to mind and draws that big crowd of hungry girls over.” Luka bobbed his head in response and tuned his acoustic guitar as Théo began backing up to inside the store and cheered, “Show off that sinful voice of yours, man! Woo!”

He let out a short chuckle and emptied his mind completely as he shut down, letting his fingers strum a few notes to a song that he began to resonate deeply with.

“I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to save me,” he closed his eyes and mentally chastised himself for being so open with his feelings as they poured out of him through a popular song. “This all or nothing really got a way of driving me crazy.”

He could see Théo looking at him carefully when he opened before squeezing his eyes shut in pain. He hated that look of pity, but he already started singing this song and he knew he would have to see it through given that the customers at the shop had already turned their attention to him.

“I need somebody to heal

Somebody to know

Somebody to have

Somebody to hold,”

Did he growl at the end of that last line? He wasn’t sure but the audience seemed moved by it and how he didn’t go weak on the verbs. Maybe he could please someone for once by just following with what worked for him.

“It's easy to say

But it's never the same

I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain.”

He thought he saw the familiar flash of black with red accents that everyone knew as Ladybug’s new suit for a second up on the rooftops. The rooftops that she danced with Viperion on and let her laugh rang over the quiet town under the stars. He wasn’t sure if he was just hopelessly imagining her or if she was there, but he felt the pain bite all at once and his voice became wobbly in a way that the crowd seemed touched by. You’re kidding me.

“Now the day bleeds

Into nightfall

And you're not here

To get me through it all

I let my guard down

And then you pulled the rug

I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved.”

Weak. He felt weak and it wasn’t the kind where he felt weak at the knees like when Marinette smiled up at him or her nose scrunched in thought.

He always thought he could be emotionally strong to handle whatever came his way. He was so sure of it.

“I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to turn to,” Guess he was weak for Marinette in every way possible after all, “This all or nothing way of loving got me sleeping without you.

“Now, I need somebody to know

Somebody to heal

Somebody to have

Just to know how it feels

It's easy to say but it's never the same

I guess I kinda liked the way you helped me escape.”

There was no blame to place, he knew that. It didn’t make it better or let him throw his anger at her to get it out, but he couldn’t keep punishing himself either.

He felt his eyes sting, shutting them as one tear slipped through and feeling grateful for both his dark shades and the sun beating down on his face past the patio table umbrella, hiding the evidence of his heartbreak.

“Now the day bleeds

Into nightfall

And you're not here

To get me through it all

I let my guard down,”

Who was he kidding? The heartbreak was the clearest part about him as he let the rough notes chip away at his throat and the growls making his voice artistically raw that he would have to worry about later.

His heart stopped painfully when he remembered the way Marinette’s face flushed all smitten like with a wondering look when Luka growled while singing and shot her winks, knowing how flustered it made her to see her calm and collective boyfriend with a soft and careful voice sounding so tortured for certain songs.

“And then you pulled the rug

I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved.

How that came back to bite him in the ass.

He glanced up to blink away the tears and avoid the view of the large growing audience he couldn’t see from the sun.

He could’ve sworn he saw a flash of black and flecks of red again.

Fingers strummed harder and with more purpose and he let his soft voice fall back as the pain ripped through him and out in his voice.

“And I tend to close my eyes when it hurts sometimes

I fall into your arms

I'll be safe in your sound 'til I come back around.”

Fuck. He missed her. He missed her a fuck ton and wanted to hold her again and hear her whisper his nicknames of “Love”, “baby”, “handsome”, “Vipey”, whatever the hell she wanted to call him.

Even his damn name would be enough to sedate him for a year.

“For now the day bleeds

Into nightfall”

Dancing with her into the beginnings of a bad storm on the deck of the Liberty as they belted Cheap Thrills amist her giggles and his laughs he choked down to keep her beautiful voice going with his.

“And you're not here

To get me through it all”

Being curled up on her living room couch the next day with her cuddled into his side. Both sick with the cold, but unable to wipe the weak grins from their faces as Sabine amusingly disapproved of their actions the night before.

“I let my guard down

And then you pulled the rug”

Their first kiss when she got flustered at their first date and told him she wouldn’t read too much into it despite wanting to, and him effectively shutting her up for the first time ever with the crash of his lips to hers and hands tilting her head up to meet him in reassurance.

“I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved.”

The first time she called him her boyfriend and the pleased giggle she let out when he gave a startled and flustered noise, his snack flying out of the package he ripped open before he blinked and asked her to repeat what she said as a toothy grin broke his shocked face.

“But now the day bleeds

Into nightfall

And you're not here

To get me through it all”

Did a camera just flash at him? Hard to tell with the sun in his eyes and the dark lenses of his shades. He couldn’t find himself to care either.

“I let my guard down

And then you pulled the rug

I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved.”

He tried not to think about the fact that he forced himself to change his phone backgrounds to black, tried not to think if she deleted her phone screens of them napping together or the wallpaper of them dancing in the rain Juleka got of them as Luka dipped her over the edge of the stage they always practiced on.

The complete trust in her eyes and smile always made him melt in that picture. Her hands loosely holding her arms as her head titled back in a deep bellied laugh while he held onto her waist tightly with one arm and had the other behind him, the biggest smile that was only found on his face when Marinette was around.

“I let my guard down

And then you pulled the rug

I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved.”

Luka still fucking loved her more than anything.

His drive, his inspiration, his happiness and safe space. His melody that always rang loudly in his ears.

Now it sounded just as it did when they were younger.

The numbness took over as he looked up, face contorted into a forced happy expression as he dipped his head in gratitude to see the very big crowd that gathered and was clapping with tears in their eyes. He excused himself to find Théo who ignored how exposed the song made his old friend, conversing with him briefly as he counted the amount of customers before Luka left and promised to give him the 40% the next visit he came and a free coffee.

He put up his guitar, tugging the case back over his shoulder as he headed back to the Liberty and tossed the faux leather casing to the bed, tossing his sunglasses to the the bed as well before heading to the deck and off to take a lap to clear his break up riddled mind.

The third block was a close achievement, before he felt the petite body rush into him and the all too familiar wrap of small and strong legs wrap about his waist with a black latex suit arm winding around his neck. He subconsciously fell back into habit as one of his own dropped to hold under her thighs and one around her own waist as black fielded his vision.

He barely got a curse out before the all too telling sound of a spiritually powered string to the famous yo-yo pinned against restraint and shot them upwards, his unmasked face burying itself in the crook of her neck from the force rush of air to his eyes.

His chest tightened to the smell of hibiscus flowers and berries, clutching her tighter for the first time in a long while. Half aware he shifted her higher against him to have her bring them closer.

Well fuck if he wasn’t the most touch starved and needy ex ever.

The familiar sound of a specific metal railing being bounded by the yo-yo was the only warning he got before the touched surface with his feet and she loosened her grip.

He barely heard the words of her detransformation before he could see the flash of pink through black and pulled back from her neck.

Terror shook through him, and his hands and body trembled against her as he couldn’t force himself to look up. Staring intently at the silver anchor necklace he gave her, bounded in a rope of small teal jewels.

Luka couldn’t look at her face, couldn’t look away from the necklace she still wore. He couldn’t let her go or put her down either.

“Breathe love,” her quiet voice spoke, soft and hesitant, breaking Luka as he dropped them to his knees and brought her closer than before.

An audible sob he hadn’t heard since she walked away from him escaped his lips and heaved for air as his chin rested over her head and he looked frantically in front of him. At her balcony, the plants that littered the space and the wood paneling they rested on, the little ladybug statue he bought her as a cute joke.

Seeing none of it through blurry eyes, forcing himself to drop his head to her shoulder as she quaked with tears and ran a soothing hand through his hair.

“I’m so sorry, love.” He couldn’t get words out as he just grounded his face into her. “I thought I was protecting you, I didn’t realize how wrong I was.”

She pulled his face up, ceruleans magnified as his pupils dilated to the sight of her in front of him once again and the tips of his ears flaring just by her touch for the first time in forever. She caught a steam of tears with her thumb, giving him a tight smile.

“My miraculous gave me the intuition that Hawkmoth would make his final move.” She paused for a second, closing her eyes and she breathed deeply. “I thought for sure I would die when he did. Either by his winning, or ours but I would end up a casualty or sacrifice. You guys weren’t even supposed to be there, but Adrien insisted for backup and I just...”

“You left me because you thought you were going to be killed?” Voice gravelly and sore from the coffee shop, he pressed on, fingers twitching at her back. “Why didn’t you tell me? Even if you had to strap me down just to bench me from the fight, you should’ve told me.”

“You’re right,” she rushed. “Absolutely right, and it was pure hell to leave to that day or say what I did. I’ve never been more miserable with my life than I’ve been since we’ve broke up. I hate it, I hate being away from you so much, Luka.”

“Be mine again.”

“What?” She blinked, choking on air.

He squeezed his eyes shut, leaning into her touch when she held his face. “I don’t, I don’t fucking care if I’m being selfish anymore. It’s so hard not to be when it comes to you, Marinette. All these small details engraved to my mind, committed to memory and nothing to do with it.

“I keep leaving hoodies I casually wear on my amp for you to take, I keep putting that soft blanket you’re obsessed with folded on the edge of my bed for you to yank off and curl into as soon as you step into my room.” He forced his eyes not to open as he kept going, following the rhythm she provided and he struggled to find words for. “The minute I wake up, before I even open my eyes to see for the first time of the day, my phone is already in my hand with your contact open and a good morning text at the ready for you. Even good night texts when I reset my alarms. I keep leaving your spot open on my bed in case you visit while I’m asleep. Your favorite part on the couch for you. The last cherry popsicle of the package, and the cookie dough ice cream I bought out of habit are still in the freezer waiting for you to find them.

“I’m fucking broken without you.” He rasped, ceruleans meeting baby blues, “I’m missing you emotionally, figuratively, mentally, physically. How the hell am I supposed to be okay when you’ve become such a big part of me? When you’re my literal other half?”

She nudged his button nose with her small one, “I,” she gave a dark laugh that he felt in his core. “I keep airing out my room whenever my sewing machine leaves behind that electrical smell your nose scrunches at so much.” She giggled when she felt him do it at the mention of the scent. “I let the popcorn cook for half a minute longer to get it a little burnt like how you like. I sleep in your hoodies to leave behind the smell of my perfume and shampoo the way you said you like your hoodies to smell when I give them back. I play with my necklace when I grow nervous and can’t talk to you. I can’t go more than five hours without hovering over your contact name or looking at our pictures.”

He sat back on his knees, letting her adjust herself out of habit and moving her hair away from her face. The smile he gave was tight but reassuring.

“I missed you, doll.”

“I missed you too, Luka.” She paused for a second, “Hey,” she started cautiously.

“Hm,”

“Luka, you know I wasn’t lying when I said that I loved you, right?”

The glint that quickly came to his eyes didn’t waver like his abused voice did, “I kinda figured from all the times you’ve blushed and stuttered. The times you tripped when I caught you off guard with a flirtatious comment or wink. And the times you kissed me like it was the end of the world.”

He looked up to see her set a false murderous glare above him as he ran his thumb over the teal gems in the rope around the anchor of her necklace, a smirk he hadn’t felt making way to his face as one of his naturally slightly pointer canines became visible to express his pure happiness.

“I forgot how much of a jerk you could be,” she huffed, looking away and sniffing.

“I’m sorry, doll.” He made her look at him, eyes still shining with unshed tears as the stared into hers. His grin was pure radiance, “I love you.”

She let him pull her down to a kiss, feeling those soft pouty lips he loved so much back on his again. “I know,” she replied between kisses, causing him to huff and pull away with his own pout. She held alone his jawline, “I’m kidding, kinda. But, I love you too.”

Her giggle when he let out a happy and short hum was pure music to his ears as her melody finally fell back into the correct time signature and key. Even as he parted with a pant and hugged her close, stroking her hair.

“Just, don’t leave me in the dark again.” He started, seeing her phone that fell out of her back pocket light up with a text from Alya.

Alya: So did you kiss and makeup, or not? I have Nino on the edge of his seat.

Alya: no really, he keeps asking and refuses to do ANYTHING until he finds out.

Alya: for fuck’s sake, answer and let me get laid

He hid his smile in her shoulder from the texts and the fact that she never changed her screens from them. Letting him see her cheek smushed up against his chest and her arm lazily thrown around his waist while his held her close.

“Never, not again. I’m not stupid enough to make the same mistake twice like I once was.” He snorted at the reference to her old crush on Adrien years ago. “But we do have something to talk about.”

He pulled back, eyeing her cautiously. “Did I do something?”

“Yes,” his heart fell and he was ready to beg for her forgiveness. “You know how many girls have your picture now? Videos of you singing a song in such a beautifully tortured way with those growls, and the rough notes and the, stop laughing Couffaine!”

“I’m sorry,” he muffled his laughs behind his hand. “I forgot how much fun I had just by talking with you and your small bouts of jealousy.”

“Oh, I’m bad? Says the boy who sang a song that people keep covering for heartbreak.”

“I’m getting paid for doing it.”

“How much?”

“40% of the customers I brought in by drawing a crowd and a coffee on the house,” he let a smile spread across his face. “You know, I might be able to change it. Can I treat you to a free mint hot chocolate, a date as well maybe?”

She considered him for a second.

“With whipped cream,” he added for extra measure to his small sweet’s addict. He dimpled up at her with a scrunch when she kissed his button nose.

“God, I love you, Luka.”

“I love you too,” he kissed her slowly, “Mari, just don’t let me sing like that again, my voice is killing me.”

“Got it, never leave you again.”

“Pretty much.”

“Hey, you look cute with your baseball cap backwards like this.” She winked, pulling his black hat from the balcony floor where it fell off and back on his head.

“I’d respond with a witty comment, but it hurts to talk now.”

She grinned, “Hm, I love you.”

Luka still smiled despite flinching from the rawness of his throat, “I love you.”

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dannydouni · 3 years

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I got tagged by @faceless-dude for smth. And like. All I want to say is that you so much. Cuz I’ve had this sitting in my drafts for months and I didn’t know when would be a good time to post it. Or like update it or like just when I should do anything with it. So yeah. Thank you so much for helping me get the chance to post this :)))

“I’ve had this in my drafts for some time now probably since the Canadian thanksgiving and like only touched on it a few times, and well I never got to post it cuz I got well uuuhhh... shy I guess and at that time a lot of things were going down and stuff. And because of that I just felt like it had no meaning whatsoever anymore. So I thought I’d edit it a bit so it fits better and so I can finally post it and stuff.... sometimes it’s nice to get something out there after having it written down for so long. And well what better time to post it than now XD on New Years!. Anyways here it goes”

Hey guys, friends especially, ITS A NEW YEAR!!!!!! I just wanted to pop in and say that...well...thank you. And while I don’t really mean this directly to anyone so far (details for ppl that I know on this app will be written later on in this post). I know it’s usually super cheesy and just cringe and stuff but I honestly couldn’t care less about that stuff when it comes to the people close to me and to the people I love and care about. So I would like to take this opportunity to thank y’all. First and foremost. What the actual fuck guys. Why lmao. Out of everyone in this world you bunch picked the weirdest, ugliest and just straight up stupidest dude out there to be friends with XD, y’all do know there was much better than this out there right XD. I legit have no competition since I’m just so bad LOL. But still, for some reason, with all the shit I just listed y’all still decided it was a good idea to be friends with me. Y’all still decided it would be a great idea to stick with me up until now. Y’all still decided that I could belong with other people that I could fit it with you guys. That I could.... have genuine, real and just straight up amazing friends. I have absolutely no fucking clue how this turn of events happened. But I can say this with full certainty. You guys have changed my life. You guys are probably the main reason I’m still kicking around to this day lol. You guys are the reason I keep going and keep living and just keep enjoying the tiny gifts that life has to offer sometimes instead of pain XD. I still don’t and probably will never understand why or how god or life decided to be nice to me the few times I met one of you but I’m honestly so eternally grateful that I just... I have no words almost.... I just don’t know what to say sometimes. It’s honestly so out of this world how amazing and nice some of you are even tho I’m like the complete trash of this world XD. In all honesty.... without you guys I’d probably not even be here lmao... I’d probably would’ve just went on with my life with nothing to wish or hope for other than for the next day to pass even quicker than the last.... or just for days to just over as soon as they start... I won’t say more cuz that’s shit is personal and I’m not about to write that in public 😎. But like I know for sure that without you guys. I would not be here right now. So thank you. Thank you for everything. Thank you for all the memories you’ve given me, the countless nights you’ve made me die of laughter, The countless times you’ve made me choke and almost die from how funny something would be, the countless times you’ve made me think “damn I don’t ever want to wake up from this dream if this is not real”. Just thank you, for talking to me, for letting me vent, for letting me be there for you when you were there for me, for being my rock to lean on, for helping me go through the toughest of times like if it was a normal day. Thank you guys so much for treating me like an equal, for being friends with me, for playing with me, for inspiring me, for teaching me new things and helping me with anything I could ever ask for. Thank you guys so much, and while words will never be able to fully explain what I fully mean or what I fully feel. But I hope that this at least will give you an idea of how greatfull I am for you guys... i hope this will show you how thankful I am for you guys. I love you guys so much that the word love just can’t even express how much you guys truly mean to me. You guys have changed my life for the better and even tho I will probably never be able to repay that I’m hoping that I can do something to at least return how much y’all have done for me. And even tho a lot of the people I mean by this message are not on Tumblr I have a few that are and it is for that reason that I will thank you and write something for you guys here too. So here is the part for the specific people.

@frogb, Genny :)

Genny :D

GENNYYYYY >:D

Good God..... how are you even real XD well to start off, a quick intro :).... probably my only irl friend that is actually active on this app and of course MY BEST FRIEND FOREVER IN THE WORLD AND THE #1 PERSON IN MY LIFE >:), I want to take this opportunity to just thank you again (I know I’ve said a a bunch of times and you probably hate me for saying it a lot XD, that along with sorry :(((( I can’t really control that Lmao but I’m getting better at it right :D). You....you’re my best friend :)... you have changed my life for the better way too many times cuz. I’ve honestly lost count dude. I’ve lost count. I just want you to know that even tho I said that the first thing I wrote on this post was meant for a bunch of people. I was really mainly thinking about you when I wrote it. Ever since you’ve been part of my life. You have made sure to change it completely. And only for the good and for the better. I don’t think you have a genuine idea of how much you’ve changed my life and how much you’ve made me happy :)... thank you Genny thank you so much for being the best thing to ever happen to me. Genny you truly are the best most amazing, kindest, nicest, loveliest, most wonderful, most talented person I’ve ever met. Look I won’t write my full thing here since...well I’ll say the rest to you directly. But well .. Genny... I love you... I love you so fucking much alright :D thank you for being the highlight of my life. Thank you for being you Genny and thank you for being here for me and just being my best friend in the world :)

@ritsu-in-a-maid-dress , heyyy duuuudee buddy chum buddy pal XD (don’t ask lmao), I know we like met only a few weeks ago actually idk maybe at the point when I actually decide to post this it’ll be months or like a year 😳 (and if it is HOLY SHIT WTF I HOPE I ACTUALLY TOLD YOU SOMETHING IN THAT TIME CUZ DAMN) and well so far, you have been nothing but an amazing, way too nice, handsome friend that has somehow probably one of the sweetest hearts out there. You’re actually so fucking funny and have made my day much better sometimes just from the very few talked we’ve had lmao (correction now it’s actually been quite a few 😳and honestly they’re getting to much better and funnier so thank you so much for making me laugh :D (oh and I will never forget that one call we had for 3 FUCKING HOURS DUDE!!!! THAT WAS AWSOME!!!) ) and while at first I was very shy to even talk to you. I’m happy that I can comfortably say hi without any regrets or anything lmao. I will tell you something I’m very thankful for in dm too cuz it’s kinda private :) so yeah.... thank you so much for being you and being my friend :D

@quellfy yoooooo duuuudde I don’t think we’ve ever really interacted on here but I’ve talked to you on the server and well I can know from there that. You’re just such an amazing and kind person. And that every time we talk I have a great time :)) I don’t know a lot about you but I do know that you’re an amazing artist who has amazing art (yes even when it’s not sad “pointing at alluka in snow drawing” amazing) and that you’re such a kind and I nice human being who’s been just super nice and good to me :)) so thank you. For being my friend and for being such an amazing human being :D

@faceless-dude yooooo I don’t think we’ve properly talked before but like :))) I really think you’re an amazing person and just super talented. Your art is something I’ve never seen before and I really really think it’s unique and just amazing. Thank you for your wonderful wishes. And yeah dw. I plan on keeping that promise >:) Gen will get her booties kicked just like you asked XD

@kur-upira we probably only interacted a few times. But in those few times. I could tell what kind of person you are and how much of an amazing person you are :D. I can tell you that just from those few times. I was able to see how much of a beautiful, talented (yes holy shit. I cannot stress this enough. I love your artstyle and good god it’s so good everything from the actual drawings to the shading to the colouring. It’s amazing dude. I really mean that. It’s one of the most unique and most beautiful artstyles I’ve ever seen), friendly and just amazing human being you are :))) thank you for those few interaction (which probably took me whole days to respond to because of anxiety and bs XD sorry about that lmao) and yeah. I would absolutely love to get to know you better and to interact more with each other :D

@starrynarwhale, I know we like pretty much only interacted like twice with each other but from those few times. I knew that you were a wonderful person :) not just an amazing person. But a very talented one too :D (your art is amazing dude. It’s really great. Not only that but like. Can I just say that. Your frog gon fridays are godly dude. They’re always so fucking cool and wholesome 🥺🥺I love them so much. Amazing) you seem like a very kind and amazing person so yeah :)) I’d love to get to know you better :D

@catboyyouko yooooo. I know we probably have only interacted once but let me tell you dude. You’re a wonderful, amazing, nice, kind and extremely talented human being. (Dude you don’t understand. Your art is fucking amazing. Not only that but your comics are so goddamn great too. Not just in an art way but in a story way too. It’s just always so amazing) oh and also like... I see that you vent a lot and stuff and just wanted to let you know that if you ever needed someone to talk to or vent to. I’m here for you. I feel like you’re such an amazing person and I would love to get to know you better :) so yeah. If you ever need anyone to talk to. I’m here alright :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE. I LOVE YOU ALL SO FUCKING MUCH

And if I didn’t @ you I promise It’s just cuz I’m too scared to bother you and @ Ing this many ppl has already made my anxiety skyrocket.

#sorry for @ing so many of you #I love you all so much #and I hope to get to know all of you better if I don’t already :)#thank you all for being part of my life #and for making my life so great

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thestarlightsymphony · 4 years

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Do you by chance have like anything written or something like that for the character traits/personalities of everyone on the BeBop? You just write them all so accurately and I'd love to just study off you and I hope there would some way for you to share your knowledge, if not I completely understand. I've been writing my own fic and honestly it's like baby shit when compared to your accuracy!!

heart eyes motherfucker

You Have No Idea What That Means To Me Holy Shit. I would love to share my knowledge! But also, I will say: Every person’s interpretation of this crew will (and should!) be a little different! Something I identify in them may not be what you see or jive with, so take my words as one interpretation and not Bebop Gospel, as it were ;)

Um??? Where do I start?? Well.... an easy one is I’ve rewatched Cowboy Bebop about a thousand times at this point and I’ve Taken Notes. Physical movements, identified particular wordings, focused on their actions and reactions to each other. I reference specific scenes a lot in Spike’s nightmares and internal exploration bc I really wanted to draw on the source material and have it be a literal Part of the story. I’d also really recommend looking up Session XX if you haven’t already; a hefty amount of Faye’s growth came from analyzing her sessions, but also seeing where she falls at the End of Cowboy Bebop vs. where she is during Session XX (which is arguably halfway through the show).

Next, and I’m fighting the instinct to be embarrassed by this, but I did a personality analysis using the Enneagram (kinda like the myers briggs but with fewer, more articulate options imo). My roommate’s hella into it and we’ve spent Hours talking about their personalities and lemme just say holy Shit I am convinced of several things:

Spike is an 8 wing 7 (impulsive, control-oriented, deflects, speaks with his actions, passionate, has a hard time being vulnerable especially emotionally, craves autonomy).

Faye is a 7 wing 8 (spontaneous, material, pleasure oriented/ indulgent, avoids negative feelings, self-reliant, craves independence).

They compliment each other. But they also have a high potential of clashing. I don’t use the enneagram as like a “this is the only inspiration for scenes i get” but it HAS helped me when i’ve been like “fuck how WOULD they respond? what makes the most logical sense?”

Bonus: Jet’s a 1 and Ed’s a 3 (i think). Ed’s harder to pin down bc she’s a kid, and I haven’t done as much exploring with them, but I think I’m still pretty good on those lines.

The hardest part of writing Bebop past Real Folk Blues is that the majority of the content we have for them is a lot of the growth happens at the Very End of the series. I’ve struggled with Faye bc most of her life we see on screen is about Running, and Keeping Moving and being so fucking mad that she has no past; when she finally remembers that past, it’s lost its weight, and then when she realizes she has a home, THAT gets broken, too. The last shots we have of Faye, she’s crying, heartbroken and angry and (in my interpretation) hella confused. I’ve struggled with Spike bc in the end, it’s hard to fathom what he’d be like after losing two of the largest reasons for being alive. In those last scenes with Jet and Faye, is he numb? Decisive? Did he already die with Julia, or is he genuinely just going to end it with Vicious and then see where/ if the world turns afterwards?

Who’s to say, either way?

You, the writer. A lot of my stuff has been written on instinct, with a goal in mind. The closer I got to the characters, the further the goal got, bc I realized in order to write the characters, you have to respect them. Which is a weird way to say it, but like.... It’s the best way I can describe it. You have to accept their faults and strengths; stubbornness is cute to play with, but it can also be an incredible source of conflict. Oh sidebar, every single fucking memory of the Bebop is stubborn. Opinion or fact? Yes.

I could go on for days. I definitely should, maybe I’ll make character analysis posts if people are interested, idk ;)

Most importantly though (and this is gonna be just straight up writing advice): don’t be so hard on yourself. Blah blah blah, you’re your own worst critic, I’m sure you’ve heard that before, but it’s so true.

Those first fifteen chapters or so, I’ve reread through for details and to get a hold one where I want to go, and I BIG cringe at them. I had no sense of timelines and my heart just wanted them to Get the Damn Together Already, but once I got a better sense of who they were, the rhythm and motion of their push and pull became so much more natural and something I’m more proud of.

You’ll get better at writing the more you write. I just spent the past two months of my life working on this project, and I’m fucking Excited to keep going. How?? How did this happen??? I just wanted Spike and Faye to make out?!?!

Listen. Listen well. Trust your instincts. If something feels off but you still want to explore an idea, don’t dump the whole chapter, just put it to the side and write again. I’ve written multiple chapters that way: I started writing, it felt off, so I KEPT the chapter, but I reworked the order, or took lines and mashed them in a way that changed the meaning. Writing is a process.

Second, write what you want to write. What you want to read. I’d defo recommend reading a bunch of different fics, see how other writers interpret the characters and such, but don’t let them (or me!) influence solely how you write the crew. Find your own voice in this world. Rewatch Bebop and take directly from the source material if you have to; break it down and ask the question “why did they use that Exact word? Why did they make That choice?” and then answer it in a way that feels honest to You.

Hope any of this helps! (P.S. if you are so inclined, dm the the title of your fic and i’ll try to take a gander!)

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

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Survey #248

“i was unprepared for fame, then everybody knew my name.”

Are you more positive or a debbie downer? I don't think I'm either, honestly. I'm realistic. How many meals do you eat a day? Since getting a calorie & macro counting app, I try to aim for three, but sometimes I only manage two. I have to be conscious of how I'm spacing out what I eat. If you could have any talent in the world what would it be? Be realistic. Draw exactly what I see in my head. Do you brush your tongue with your tooth brush? Bitch you better brush your goddamn tongue. I didn't know until I saw this as a survey question a while back that there were people who didn't. How many times do you brush your teeth a day honestly? Once. What are you favorite type of jeans? I don't wear jeans anymore, but aesthetically, dark, skinny, torn jeans. Do you pop your bones, crack your knuckles? NO it disgusts me omg. There's this girl who sits in front of me in Women Writers class who cracks her back ALL the time and I have to fight cringing so, so hard. Do you eat your nails? YO NO. I may peel my nails when they get long (to me, anyway) but who the fuck eats their nails. Do you eat the ice in your drink? If it's that good cronchy type, fuck yeah. What do you order at Chic-Fil-A? I used to just get the classic sandwich and fries, but I stopped going there forever ago due to their connection to anti-LGBTQ organizations. By now I can't even stomach the thought of eating something from there. Damn are their sandwiches good, but I'm not giving them business. If you had to go to Mcdonalds what do you order? "Had to" lmao. I have no problem with McDonald's, honestly; you couldn't make me go, because I'd be quite willing. I love their cheeseburgers and, of course, their fries. But because I'm a fatass I have to at least get a double cheeseburger. Have you ever been addicted to cigarettes? No. Which do you use more? Facebook or Instagram? Facebook. Are you a student? If so, what classes will you take next? Yes. "Next," I don't know, considering I haven't chosen classes for next year. Currently I take Painting, Women Writers, Psychology, and Biology. Are you a good kisser? I don't know? How many real bf/gf have you had? Two. Did you enjoy your past relationships? Sure, save for the one with Tyler. That was pointless as shit. Would you ever get back with your ex? Sara, if certain conditions were right. Jason, I honestly don't know and hope I'm never put into the position to need to decide. Other exes, no. Do you like 80’s music? Rock and metal, absolutely. It was a great decade for the genres. Name a comedy that you like. Rush Hour 2 popped to mind first because we mentioned it in school yesterday. Do you like homework? ??????????? WHAT IS THIS QUESTION???????????????? NO??????????????? Something you want to buy real bad? Ugggghhhhh a lot. Being unemployed is a BLAST!!!!!!!!!! Something you would buy a friend as a gift? It depends on the person, of course. I try really hard to give very personal gifts, so what it would be would greatly vary. What is something that would be a good birthday gift for you? Donate Big Bucks to my tattoo fund and I'll give you smooches. Something you would gift yourself? Still tattoos lmfao. Favorite candle scent? Cinnamon rolls mmmmmmmmm. Do you watch beauty videos on YouTube? So here's the tea I genuinely love Jeffree Star and I'm digging NikkieTutorials lately LOOK idk I guess because I find makeup to be an art, I like watching that stuff. My YouTube interests have become seriously diverse lately. Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Ha ha obviously. What is the best thing about life? Man, that's a loaded question. I suppose having people in it that make it worthwhile and a true privilege to simply be here. What do you think will happen when you die? YO, HONESTLY, I don't know, man. I've even questioned reincarnation lately. I 100% believe we are not hollow bodies meant to just decay after death, but creatures with spirits that live on in SOME form or way afterwards. I don't believe in the concept of a "Hell," but I don't really think I accept there being a true "Heaven," either? I think there's just... something. What, I don't know, but guess I'll figure it out at some point. Are you superstitious? No. What kind of surveys do you like the most? Random ones, especially the ones that make you think. Do you go to church? No. Do you like Christian music? No. I get frustrated from just bad memories/associations. Have you ever skateboarded and failed at it? Never really tried. What show/concert have you went to that you didn’t like much? N/A Is sex a must in your life? Nah. Could you wait until marriage for sex? Lol I was the abstinent one years ago, so obviously I could, because I understand it. What do you think about weed? Medically, it's fantastic. Too much evidence of it being so to argue it anymore. For other use, I feel the same way about it as I do cigarettes: bad idea, but whatever. I personally don't care if it's made legal for recreational use or not, so long as it's treated similarly to alcohol, ex. illegal to drive while high. If you found a baby turtle on the side of the road, would you pick it up and keep it? With it being a baby, I'd probably take it to an animal rescue or something. Did you and your mum ever have a big fight that caused you to move out? I stayed at Dad's for a handful of days. Has the last person you kissed ever been to your house? Yes. Does anybody have a tattoo with your name on it? My sister has my initial, anyway. Who did you last see shirtless? My mom. Do you like to make the first move? NONONONONO I'M SHY. Do you think you will ever be married? Probably. If the last person you kissed saw you kissing someone else, would they be mad? I don't think she'd be mad, no. Do you understand football? Nope. Who last called you beautiful? Probably Mom. If you fell pregnant to the last person you kissed, what would you think? We're both female so like- Do you think the body is the most beautiful thing that was ever made? No. Name five things you did today? Stayed at the hospital for my beautiful niece to be born :'), slept far too little after getting home, and that's... kinda it. What kind of phone do you have? It's literally a Tracfone, BUT WAIT! I actually wanted it, ha ha. Mom has one and it is *genuinely* a good phone, so I got one for my birthday. Hell, it's cheaper than paying monthly, so I'm fine with it. When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings? 5 in the morning when we were all still with Ashley. Do you like fire? Sure, I like watching it. Have you ever been to a spa? Noooo, not my jam. Do you know how to do a cartwheel? No. Who’s the funniest drunk person you know? Ehhhhh. When he drank, my dad was either hilarious when drunk or hateful and short-fused as fuck. 50/50 shot. But yeah, if you got Version 1, he'd crack anyone the hell up. Now that he's sober and happy he's always like that. What would you do if your partner still kept pictures of their ex? Well, I'd say it depends on the picture's context. Like, a picture of you two kissing, then I'd be uncomfortable as shit. If you have prom pictures or stuff like that but don't like go looking through them regularly, idc. It was a special event. What if your partner went through your cellphone? BYE, CUNT. What if your partner was flirting with another girl/boy? BYE, CUNT. Is there really a difference between Coke and Pepsi? YES. I can absolutely taste it. Pepsi sucks. Are there any mistakes with your recent ex you wish you could have changed? Stupid and/or impulsive shit I'd said, sure, but for the most part, no. We had a good relationship. Has anyone ever been with you while you were throwing up? My mom always is if she's present. I am terrified of vomiting and even at my age still want her there, even though she can't do anything, obviously. I turn into a baby when I'm about to throw up. Background on your computer? My favorite picture of Teddy. Who has hurt you the most? Jason. Or hell, my own head, idk. Are you happy with where you are relationship-wise now? Sure. What language do you want to learn? I wanna be fluent in German. Who’s the last person that came to your house? A family friend. Is there anyone you would like to fight? God no. I'm not a fighter. Who did you dance with last? Sara. Who is your best friend(s)? Sara. Song playing? "It's A Raid" by Ozzy feat. Post Malone. The album's out T O D A Y , B O Y S. Who is your arch-enemy? I don't have one. What's the most attractive thing on the opposite sex? GODDAMN shoulderBLADES Do you want platinum or gold for your wedding band? Not normal gold, I know. Rose gold is my ideal one, but I really don't care much. Have you ever paid to have your eyebrows waxed? I mean my mom has, seeing as I didn't have an income then, either. Got that done regularly in high school. Not because I asked, but because it was just "normal" since my two sisters did it, too. Do you think that the tobacco companies should pay for people’s medical bills? No, it's not their choice to use the product. Sure, they're making it, but it's really too late to cease production of tobacco. It'd be catastrophic in terms of the job industry. Do you curse in average conversations? Yes; I have to actually make an effort to not curse if needed. Have you ever bought a shot glass? No. Do you have a therapist? Not anymore after my previous one that I loved and trusted gave me every reason to break her jaw. I kind of want another one, but also don't. I'm supposed to, considering my history and that I'm on a lot of medication, but I just do nooooot want to go through the whole trust process again. Do you ever fall for spam mail? No. What color do you wear the most? Black. Do you only eat cough drops because you like the taste? No. Have your parents ever walked in on you having sex? No. Do you like getting stoned? I've never been so and aren't interested in ever getting there. Have you ever gotten a bloody nose from snorting cocaine? YOIKES THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY lol no, I wouldn't touch coke with a ten-foot pole. Red, white, yellow, or pink roses? Pink. What’s the worst name your mom has ever called you? I don't know. She hasn't called me anything too awful that I know of. Have you ever done acid? No. Were you at a rave? Never been, definitely not my scene. Do you post pictures where you look good but your friends look bad? Well, I don't hang out with like... anyone, so, lmao. But I wouldn't. Are you friends with any of your exes? Yes. Would you ever dye your hair pink? ACTUALLY! Pastel pink is on my list. I tested some soft colors out in Photoshop on me and it actually looked really cute. I think I wanna be a smaller size first, though. Do you ever masturbate? I haven't since I came off that godawful birth control that drove me batshit insane in terms of libido. I still don't think it's a bad thing, my interest in that is just, gone. Are you embarrassed about your sex life or lack there of? No. Who’s the last person you said I love you to? My sister. Did you like your life when you were in middle school? Actually fuck middle school with a maul. If you went on American Idol, do you think you’d go through to Hollywood? Nope. Have you ever received an anonymous gift? No, I don't think so. What kind of laugh do you have? A loud and obnoxious one. Do you hoard anything? "Hoard" isn't the right word, no. Are you afraid of flying? I am, but I feel it's only a realistic apprehension. Especially going back and forth to Sara's a few times, you kinda have to get used to it. Most recent Facebook ‘like’? Shit man idk, I "like" a load of stuff. Have you ever camped out somewhere for an event the next day? No. Do you do anything regularly that could damage your body? Can someone please eliminate soda from the face of the earth???? What do you love most in the world? Those closest to me. What woke you up this morning? Ugh, the sun. I need to put my curtain back up after Roman tore it down. Who was the last person you rode in a car with? My mom. Is anything bothering you? There's always *something* bothering me to some degree, but nothing seriously at the moment. Are you in a good mood? My niece was born overnight and is gorgeous and healthy so I have to be. :') When were you the saddest in your life? 2016. Do you own more than one cell phone? Ha ha, I have two old ones. One I used for pictures because the camera was good, and the most recent old one, I just need to get some pictures and contacts from... but I'm lazy. Have you ever had a song written about you? No. What songs make you happy? Depends on what I'm feeling. Next concert? No clue now that Ozzy had to cancel his, bless his old heart. As a child, did you ever get the chance to go to Disney World/Disneyland? Yes. When was the last time you fought with your significant other, if any? I’m single. Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? No, thankfully. When was the last time you were on a boat? Where did you travel on it? Not since I went fishing with my old best friend a few years back. We were just in a pond. Are you planning on going anywhere with someone, some time today? Probably not. Do you like cereal? What would you consider your favorite kind of cereal? Hell yeah. Cinnamon Toast Crunch is *maybe* my favorite? Idk, I like a lot. Are there any people you don’t like for your significant other/crush to talk to? This doesn't apply to me, but even if I had one, they're not my damn child. I'm not gonna police whom they talk to. I mean I guess there are exceptions, like, talking to a drug dealer to name one, but talking to most people, that's their business. Just don't hide it from me. Have you ever forgotten your birthday? Did you soon figure it out? No. What color are the curtains in your room if you have any at the moment? Maroon. Is there anyone you are currently trying to get out of trouble? Why? No. Have you ever wanted your significant other to get rid of a friend? Well, calling back to that other question, there was one in a previous relationship that I really couldn't stand, but it wound up working out. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? It's just me and Ma now. Do you ever go to Blockbuster? How frequently would you say you go? WHAT A CALLBACK!!!!! Omg did I love BB. Went like every weekend to rent a game, and sometimes we'd go there Fridays before a sleepover to grab a movie. Do you ever listen to music so you can actually change your emotion? Sure, sometimes.

#survey #quiz #questions #random #bored

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herotheshiro · 3 years

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ok slightly unhinged anxiety abt fandoms/being online below. “slightly unhinged” bc it’s irrational anxiety to have not like it’s anything batshit crazy fyi. i’m sorry i have nowhere else to post this bc i am not writing abt this on main, putting this on a twitter thread, nor speaking abt it to my therapist despite having a call in the next hour bc i’m still to embarrassed to talk abt weeb/online stuff w them rn

i’ve been kind of low mood since this morning. i first found out an a/3 translator i follow on twt is in contact with and/or friends with another translator who i know ships b/ntm, and i didn’t really consciously respond at the time other than w dull disappointment but then i felt uneasy being on twt after that and it’s prob bc i’m like eh abt the 1st translator bc of their connection w the b.ntm shipper and i’m still anxious enough abt that ship that i get in a bad mood whenever it comes up even in passing or literally barely indirectly like this. i mean it shouldn’t be a big deal, bc (1) the 1st translator has never listed what they ship in a/3 (if any) so they could very well have been shipping invalid ships this entire time and i just never knew, but also (2) just bc you ship a pairing doesn’t mean you necessarily discuss it w all the ppl you contact in a fandom. and they’re both (good imo) translators so good to have someone to compare notes to.

but it just makes me feel meh bc i’m already eh abt the other translator despite knowing their (understandable as a fan) sometimes ulterior motives for translating some content and now i’m like man. ANOTHER translator to be side eyes about ?? it’s not like they put their shipping googles on when they translate tho unlike another (a 3rd diff one in this post) translator i’ve seen. and even if both of these translators ship b/ntm they talk abt it on separate accounts (the confirmed b/ntm translator does. idk abt the 1st translator and i didn’t dig into their main twt) so technically they do keep it away from non-shippers. and there are worse things to not be friends w someone over slash these are not even ppl i know personally, but man. it still bothers me a little. i feel like i’m getting a little better in my gut response to the ship and i prob should talk abt it in therapy but man i don’t understand ppl who are comfortable discussing it bc i still have some embarrassment/shame associated w being a weeb “publicly” even though i’m not into shady shit like loli secretly or whatever. even just telling them i’m on tumblr was so cringe lmao... i’m p sure they know what fandoms are bc they also see young patients but man. i still find it embarrassing to say that i like or even partake in that kind of stuff (fandoms, tumblr) like drawing fanart. anyway that’s a whole other can of worms (?) but yeah back to twt.

so i was scrolling on twt to kind of like forget abt the whole translator social network debacle and i started reading up on the controversy/recent events w princess mako in japan and wow reading both sides’ takes on the issue is so tiring... like there’s ppl who completely romanticize it being like aw hehe she gave up her status for love but then there’s other side who’s like yeah we’ve been against the marriage bc the guy is kinda shady and she deserves better. i mean personally wouldn’t wholly romanticize it when i tbh don’t know the full story and literally just learned abt the relationship today but also i’m weak to romance so i would just like to believe they do genuinely love each other as individuals... and like good for her for getting out of what is prob a really stifling situation w all the public scrutiny and attention but also it’s fucked how only the royal women lose their status when marrying a non-royal... basically just a ton of mixed feelings. and that kind of news spiral is partially why i took like a 2-month break from twt bc seeing those news stories can be so depressing either bc of the news content itself or seeing ppl’s takes on it or both. so yeah i just feel bad now. btw don’t ask me abt the princess mako stuff or my opinion bc idk tbh, plus it also brings in opinions on how japan’s current political sys works and i know there are STRONG opinions on that online and this is a fucking manga/BL review blog not current events/political blog. i just hope that the relationship works out bc if it fails ... bruh she cannot return to japan. she would be a social pariah fr and that sucks so bad to think abt

#personal #rant #fandom #man i never remember what to tag these non-review posts as

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ravishmeclownboi-blog · 6 years

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Thoughts on being attracted to Pennywise ... lil personal post.

It started so abruptly for me personally. Like at the start, it was just after I’d seen the remake in theatres and I loved it, I thought the performances by the kids and obviously Bill Skarsgard as Pennywise were excellent. I remember just thinking about his performance for days, and how it didn’t really scare me, but it made me feel sort of uneasy, but more intrigued. Like don’t get me wrong I love the 1990 mini series for everything it is, it’s cheesy and sometimes silly and there’s genuinely some creepy moments in it that scared the shit out of me when I was younger. But obviously Tim curry stood out to me as an excellent Pennywise, but for different reasons. He was more silly, over the top and to be honest, he never really made me feel anything than just amusement because he really went all out in his over the top ‘silly’ act rather than being unsettling and scary.

Bills Pennywise is just so different, his whole presence just draws my eyes to him and I could literally stare into those eyes and feel so many different emotions, he’s sly and coy with his act, he’s like if James Bond was a clown. I remember coming across a Pennywise x reader for the 2017 film and funnily enough it was on tumblr, at first I had the usual thought a lot of other people probably had “oh god, people wanna have sex with the clown” and as I was reading them I was laughing and kinda cringing cause I couldn’t believe it was a thing, but as I started reading more out of sheer curiosity I found myself wanting to read more and, yes becoming slightly aroused by the thought of the words I was reading.

I began thinking more about Pennywise and started slowly but surely seeing him as a very weirdly attractive character. Long story short I became totally infatuated with the idea of him and I absolutely loved reading the x readers, especially on archive for our own and on here. I never expected to actually get on here and make a full personal blog dedicated to my love and attraction to him

But here I am.

I could write more and delve into the whole psychology of why I’m attracted to him, but at the end of the day...the clown is hot.

#pennywiseit #pennywisetheclown #pennywisethedancingclown #pennywise #pennywisetext #pennywise x reader #pennywise x you #clown fuckers #clownfuckersunite #clownfuckerfandom #pennywise imagine #daddywise #personal #text #clowndaddy #bill skarsgård pennywise #billskarsgard

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kimmysfandomblog · 6 years

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So Nae/giri, Kamu/koma, Toukomaru and Kii/ruma for the ship meme ? :P You can do all of them or pick the ones you want to talk about, I just wanted to give you one ship per game ~

Thank you so much for the ask Serahne!!! :D I’d be more than happy to do them all!!!

From here: https://kimmysfandomblog.tumblr.com/post/168063250112/send-me-a-ship-and-ill-give-you-my-brutally

Since there’s 4, I’m gonna have to put it under the cut! And they got very long, sorry ^^;

obviously, V3 spoilers for the last one!

Nae/giri (+)

So, funny thing about me: I actually started DR with the Animation (I hadn’t even known a game existed at the time). Anyways, because it’s an anime, you don’t get those free time events, and everything is much, much faster. Basically…. I’m a real dunce when it comes to romance, so I hadn’t even realized Nae/giri was pretty heavily hinted at ^^; I spent most of the time thinking Kirigiri was gonna betray Naegi (which… I mean I wasn’t completely wrong, kinda? XD She didn’t mean to throw him under the bus at all, of course).

Now, I didn’t ship anyone in DR by the time I finished the anime. I’d seen it mostly as friendships, and that Naegi and Kirigiri’s was the strongest one. I don’t know when exactly it sprung on me that, hey, this is a ship!!!, but my best guess is that it wasn’t until I stumbled across DR again when it came out on Steam. A let’s player I kind of visit occasionally was playing the game and I got sucked into nostalgia, and he did Kirigiri’s FTEs. It was probably during that time that I recognized this was definitely a ship, one that was practically canon, and that actually, I’m okay with it, and even like it! If two characters like each other, and can support each other this well, then why not?

I’m not the biggest Naeg/iri fan (that spot for favorite DR1 ship belongs to another pairing, but admittedly it’s more of a pre-canon ship). I’ll admit, a part of me still thinks Naegi forgives Kirigiri too easily after all he’d been through, but if he gave her a hard time, he wouldn’t be Naegi! And I was a little salty she threw him under the bus, but Kirigiri made a mistake, acknowledges it, and even returns the favor back to him! It wasn’t even really her fault (she clearly didn’t know what would happen or she would have definitely let herself be sacrificed), so I forgive her, too!

If DR3 proved anything about Naeg/iri, it’s that Naegi and Kirigiri very clearly care for one another, and are able to balance each other out. They understand each other so well, and I’d say they definitely like, probably even love, each other. So, given canon events throughout the series, I ship it! It’s been good for both of them, the way I see it! I sincerely hope they continue to care and love each other post canon, too. They both deserve happiness after all they’ve been through together!

Kamu/Koma (-)

Okay, this one… this one actually irks me, I’m sorry to say. I know Kamukura is Hinata, and I definitely ship Koma/Hina, but Kamu/Koma…. it’s very different. I’ve read Kamu/Koma fics, and seen the fanart, (and sometimes I actually like the fanwork). I get why people like it. However, to me, it’s a very unbalanced ship.

Ko’s obsession with Hope and Talent, with Kamukura being the embodiment of Talent, and of the Hope Ko originally fixates on, makes it much too unbalanced because Kamukura is given all the power in this relationship. Not only that, but it would be Ko constantly trying to be useful to Kamukura, or trying to make things interesting for Kamukura. And Kamukura, well, I can’t see him reciprocating or giving back much. Kamukura’s kinda weird, as in he’s pretty selfish in a way. Maybe he’d do things back for Ko, but would he mean it? Would Ko even know if Kamukura cared? It doesn’t help that the majority of the fanworks don’t really do anything to disprove how I feel their relationship would work. People write/draw fanart for Kamu/Koma using this power play: Ko revering Kamukura like a god, doing demeaning things for him, or being like his housewife or maid or something, and Kamukura kind of staring blankly back, or barely reciprocating or acknowledging any of it. It’s also portrayed very sexually (?), with no amount of fluff, and I end up feeling sorry for Ko. I really can’t ship something this one-sided where only one person has affection for the other, or at the very least, where it’s difficult to see how affectionate one is for the other.

And, I suppose, another thing is just the fact that I like Haji way more than Kamukura. Sometimes Kamu/Koma shippers portray Haji as the one losing out, the third wheel left behind, or even saying Kamukura should have fully returned. I’m glad, in the end, Haji is seemingly acting like he’s mostly Haji to his friends.

However, I admit that besides how I see the Kamu/Koma dynamic playing out… the really extreme shippers were the reason I can’t stand it most of the time. More than a year ago now, there was this huge shipping war, and at least to me, with the people I was following at the time, it seemed like it was mostly between extreme Kamu/Koma shippers against the extreme Hina/Nami shippers. The sheer hatred and pride at being so hateful disgusted me. I unfollowed a few people that I used to like because of all these scathing remarks against Nami (by that I mean DR2 Nami) and basically mocking the fans for liking and defending her, and then being proud of it, even celebrating it in a congratulating post to themselves. I mean, I know now it was aimed at the Nami lovers that were just as bad as they were being, but it still hurts either way. I wasn’t following anyone that was strictly Hina/Nami at the time, but I did see a lot of Ko discourse flying around, too (and heavily disagreed with them of course). Even after that, people were tagging their hate for Nami and Ko, and the ships. I couldn’t escape it. Maybe I’m over-imagining it, but that’s how I feel about it. I’m glad it’s settled down now that V3 is mostly distracting people from it these days.

As for how I feel about Kamu/Koma today, sometimes seeing Kamu/Koma (or Hina/Nami) makes me cringe, and other times, I find it okay (though it’s mostly the former. I always felt weird about Kamu/Koma because of the power dynamic).

Unrelated: Weirdly enough, even though I don’t like Hina/Nami, I ended up liking Kamu/Nami, but only because AI Kamukura exists ^^; I actually participated in Kamu/Nami week, too, and… yeah I actually like it. My guilty pleasure ship, lol. Just... not so much for Hina/Nami. DR3 Hina/Nami was that bad.

Sorry that answer was very negative, but brutal honesty right? I know I have followers that ship it, and I don’t really mind as long as no one is trying to force me to like it or see it!

Toko/maru (+)

Well, I didn’t like Another Episode as a whole that much, but I did like the interactions between Toko and Komaru a lot. Their friendship was just so good! They were able to help each other, see the faults in each other, and call them out. Komaru helps Toko learn to trust her through her genuine kindness and loyalty, and Toko helps Komaru find solutions and helps break Komaru’s habit of seeing herself as just a normal girl with no way to change what happens around her.

And the ending, where Toko decides to stay with Komaru instead of leaving with Togami? It makes me feel a lot of joy, honestly. Nothing against ToFu, but her choosing Komaru over Togami was great! Like, from what I remember of her FTE’s Toko has had trouble trusting people. Neither of her moms wanted her, and she was even dated as a part of a dare. Her moms and that boy both treated her nicely, but they actually didn’t like her (actually I wonder about the moms, but I’ll have to revisit those FTEs eventually). The reason she is so infatuated with Togami probably has to do with how rudely he treats her, on top of being the SHSL Heir. If he got with her, it would be like a romance novel come to life, and he wouldn’t be pretending to like her. However, it’s unrealistic the way it is in canon. Togami may be getting better, but at least at the point canon left off, he still needs some work.

I’m very glad Toko has Komaru. Komaru treats her normally instead of being scared off or angry at Toko’s accusations and jokes, and she openly shows how much she cares about Toko. I can see Tokomaru both as a strong friendship, or a future romantic relationship, given time. And, based on the one DR3 episode, it seems like their bond has done nothing but grow! They trust in each other and work really well together. May they remain this close or more post-canon!

Kii/ruma (+)

I don’t know if anyone was expecting this to be appealing? I usually don’t like the characters that spew vulgarities, so I thought I’d never like Miu. I was so wrong! And, knowing what I did, I never thought I’d ship her with Kiibo, who’s just… so pure??? I remember, back when I was trying to avoid spoilers, that one CG where Miu was apparently performing maintenance came up, and I totally misjudged it.

However, this game… it subverted my expectations. The CG was not as uncomfortable as I thought! Miu got a bit too close, and I’m 99% sure she knew what she was saying and how it could sound, and Kiibo just came for maintenance, and he doesn’t really get the double meanings to her words, but somehow ends up saying things that could be suggestive too XD It was so funny! I honestly thought, upon getting spoiled that CG before playing, that he wasn’t consenting to whatever was going on, but while I can’t say it was “innocent,” it was clearly not that bad. And after that, Miu is introduced to the Neo World Program and Kiibo gets jealous of the computer XD To try to get the most out of my V3 experience, I actually went up to every character each FT to get their “FTE starter,” so I know he’s always been either in the hall right before the computer room, or (not much farther away from there) next to the three empty rooms. I’m pretty sure the first FTE of that chapter, he even gets defensive over his not-jealousy of a computer, lol!!! There was also that part in Chapter 4, before going to the Virtual World, Monotaro calls Kiibo “Daddy” and Miu “Mommy” XD and even after her death, he was so sad he wished he could cry for her, which just punches me in the feels… and from what I remember in Trial 4, Kiibo was pretty much trying to defend her as the others pretty much admitted to not caring that much about her? I’d need to replay that trial, but that’s what I took from it in regards to Miu. Also, I guess another reason I like it is because Ouma bullies both of them, so they are similar in that regard haha.

I guess, maybe as the sole complaint, I wonder how Miu felt about Kiibo? I mean, clearly, she was interested in him because he’s a robot, but I wonder how she felt about Kiibo as a person? I think she respected Kiibo, but I can’t gauge how much she liked him from what I remember of the game. She was certainly proud and happy to give him upgrades, and Kiibo doesn’t seem to mind so much when she does, even though he hates sci-fi things, or generally any reminder he’s not as human as he’d like to be. She always kept her upgrades rather simple, and he was always so proud to have them! Maybe she wanted to add all that fancy gear from his Ultimate Lab, but didn’t push him when he said no. Maybe that’s why he was fond of her?

Kii/ruma’s a really cute ship to me! It’s probably more funny, than cute (but the fanart is so very cute...), but either way, I still really like it! And well, it’s about one of the only ships I care about in V3 as well, hahaha. It didn’t seem forced, I didn’t really feel like it was necessarily one-sided, and their dynamic was great and interesting!!! I should really check out those anthologies sometime to see if there’s any more Kii/ruma in it, hahaha.

#serahne #mehere #ask meme #thanks again for the ask! <3 #ship hate #???#For those that don't want to read it all: + / - / + / +#long post #queued

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derangedroyalfae · 5 years

Text

January 31, 2019 10:35PM

Royal (1:25 PM) I got some personal lyrics written today...

I suppose when it’s very genuine and personal, they are so easy and fast to write

I got the full song written, 2 verses, chorus, bridge, and even an outro

I’m usually not very good with bridges, but I like this one

Jewel (8:52 PM): Lyrics are good though

Royal (8:52 PM): Thanks...

On the bright side, even if it feels like I’m having a hard time getting along with him, at least he’s having fun with his metamours and whatnot

Jewel (8:55 PM): Oh, I actually hadn't guessed who it was about but now I got it

Cuz I assumed it was a character and not a real life person

Royal (8:55 PM): You’re literally the only one I’ve shared this with who I personally know, by the way

I haven’t shown/told Hummingbird or Kitty yet

To be fair, the lyrics did just come in today on my bus ride home and then everything else just kinda been floating on by

Jewel (8:57 PM): Oh, wow

Do you plan to show it to them?

Royal (8:58 PM): Maybe. Just cuz as special others, you should want to know what’s going on, what’s troubling you, etc

To be honest, you remember that night I was really struggling?

I was telling you how I wasn’t sure I should tell them about how I was feeling toward him

Well, on the ride home, I opened up and confessed to Kitty. I just couldn’t hold it in

But I’m glad I did

I really need to talk to at least one of them about what’s going on else it just seems like it’s out of nowhere when it resurfaces and like it’s not a reoccurring thing

It was unbiased toward him and not about her own personal feelings, just focusing on how I was and wanting to comfort me

So I know that it’s not a problem of bias when it comes to opening up to them, I know that they are good metamours

They’re very good listeners, it’s much easier talking to them than it is Nurd half the time

He tries to help too much, but sometimes I’m not looking for a solution...he’s also a debater, and that doesn’t help either

And by help too much, I mean in every way possible, everywhere or anyone

It’s concerning, cuz I don’t want him to get hurt or swindled. But it’s also rude to a certain extent and invasive, not everyone wants some stranger eavesdropping. And employees can NOT let customers help (which he seems to forget so he’ll just keep insisting).

Jewel (9:06 PM): Wait, as in, he tries to help out even at work and when you're having a conversation that doesn't involve him?

Royal (9:07 PM): Random strangers, he’ll offer help/advice if he overheard or witnessed problems

Employees at stores moving certain things, he’ll offer to lend a hand (they legally can’t accept his help)

I suppose, it could partly be a cis male thing, being unafraid of the consequences and putting yourself out there

Assigned females are raised to keep your head down and to yourself, drawing attention is your fault and could get you raped or hurt

Jewel (9:09 PM): I guess at least in the employees case, worst outcome is he'll get turned down

And it might even make them feel glad someone even wants to help

Royal (9:09 PM): Yeah, be he insists and so it gets annoying to them

Jewel (9:09 PM): Oh

Royal (9:11 PM): Most topics I like (yandere, lgbt, feminist, etc) are things he seems to hate and is annoyed by, or at least it feels like it half the time

I know it’s probably not most, but it feels like he’s so annoyed with what I have to say

What I want to talk about...

And it’s almost mutual

Like, I don’t really wanna hear about half the crap he talks about either

Jewel (9:12 PM): But what did you used to talk about?

Royal (9:12 PM): He needs friends

Before dating?

Or when we started dating

Or both

Jewel (9:13 PM): Before, after, any time you remember having a conversation you found engaging or spending time with him you enjoyed

Royal (9:14 PM): I used to mainly talk about my stories, he was a lore hound and ate it up (well, he never said he enjoyed it, just likes listening to or feels inclined to listen to stories whether or not he likes the story)

We were also a friend group, so we’d be in group conversations

Especially over nerdy stuff

They’d usually play video games together on their computers and I’d be doing my thing on my computer

But for the time spent together as a couple: we’d watch a lot of movies together, be sexual, or nap...not that much talking persay

I feel weird thinking about this

I also started meds right after we started dating

I think the worse thing is, though, Jewel, is that I’m transitioning

I’m blossoming, I’m being me, but I can’t do that in front of him

I’m invalidating myself by being with him

Invalidating doesn’t even scratch the surface

Jewel (9:19 PM): I understand. Relate to that too, very much.

Royal (9:19 PM): I don’t even like saying that I’m wearing a packer or talk about them around him cuz I feel him cringe from it

He literally flinched when I jokingly told Cat I was trying to grow a penis

And then talked to me about it later, starting with, “how far are you trying to go?” I can’t remember if he meant it in general or with just HRT. I think it was with HRT

To which I reminded him that he’s known from the beginning

Jewel (9:21 PM): It seems to me rather that he's been in denial and can't be anymore

Royal (9:21 PM): But he brought up my joke of growing a dick when asking

And when I reminded him, he is just like “I know”

It’s almost unpleasant to be around him anymore (not just because of the transition thing, this relates back to everything else)

And when I’m at Hummingbird and Kitty’s it almost feels like I can’t be with them if he’s there, like, I have to prioritize him cuz he’s to homophobic/transphobic to be in a cuddle pile with them

But he’d never see it that way

He’d never see himself as transphobic

I’m wouldn’t even ask him to touch them in anyway, I’d be between him and them, but it feels like that’d be something that’d make him ungodly uncomfortable

Not because they’re my lovers, but because they were born with a Y chromosome

Jewel (9:26 PM): Like if they were cis he'd be totally fine with it?

Royal (9:27 PM): Cis women? Yes

Not even post-op trans

Doesn’t matter if the dick isn’t there anymore

He said it himself - “socially I see them as women, sexually I see them as men”

Because of facial features, arm muscles, fat distribution

Jewel (9:29 PM): Oh gawd

I couldn't help but cringe at that

Royal (9:29 PM): Bullshitbullshitbullshitbullshitbullshitbullshitbullshit

Do you realize how much more worse it makes me feel to hear people say that?

Do you realize that it’s nothing I haven’t thought already

Because it just makes me wanna vomit or cry repeating it

I feel like screaming

Jewel (9:30 PM): Wait that "you" is him, right, just clarifying

I got confused for a moment thinking you meant me

Royal (9:31 PM): No, you, Kitty, Hummingbird

“That’s cringe”

Jewel (9:31 PM): Ohhh

Royal (9:31 PM): “That’s insulting”

“That’s wrong”

I’ve felt that way, if not worse

I usually respond with “how do you think I feel?”

Jewel (9:32 PM): No, I understand, and I'm not implying otherwise

Royal (9:32 PM): “I’m in love with him, and I almost find myself hating me for that”

No, I know

But it reminds me that I’m sickened

It makes me feel like there’s something wrong that I’m with him

But then it does feel that’s the case when I look at the fact that I’m transitioning

But it makes me angry that he’d give me a chance but not someone else

Because he’s always just seen me as a girl, hasn’t he?

Jewel (9:34 PM): Did you ever ask him what he intends to do or why he's been with you? I can understand if it's hard and you haven't.

Royal (9:34 PM): Of course

He just plans on masturbating

I’m not losing anything when it comes to not having sex with him, I can live with that, but bullshit that he’d be content with that

And he doesn’t want to go find himself another partner

He only wants me, he’s said

I want someone to love him for the things I can’t

For someone to care about him and be there for him when I can’t or won’t

Jewel (9:37 PM): What does he do when he's not around you?

Royal (9:37 PM): In terms of sex?

Jewel (9:37 PM): You said he needs friends

So it seems like he doesn't socialize much?

Royal (9:38 PM): He sits in his room either playing video games or watching Netflix

I don’t think he really messages his Bay Area friends on a normal basis, and his Discord DnD group sounds to be falling apart

But I think he needs physical people in his life too

People he can chill with

So I’m glad he’s been joining game night and whatnot, I feel like telling the guys that if they really get along with him, invite him out for other things etc

I think going back to school would help too

I know I felt lost in the cosmos without school

Cuz then he can make friends and a community there too

He does work right now, but working isn’t a social life. He’s not hanging out with his coworkers outside of work, so I don’t think it counts

Jewel (9:45 PM): Yeah, school does help

Is he not planning to go back to school?

Royal (9:47 PM): He is and was

But we got his stuff in too late this semester

It’s better to start in fall anyway

But I was so annoyed with the process and how he practically needed me to hold his hand for almost all of it and screwed up and got himself incredibly confused and was working on it for like over a year when it took me like a week or two

I was racking my brain over how he was struggling so much

Like, he seems to be so much smarter and whatnot than me

Jewel (9:51 PM): What was he struggling with exactly?

Royal (9:52 PM): Tbh, I was confused and he seemed misinformed

Like, he believed he couldn’t give his transcript until such-and-such was done, and the he could make this-and-that appointment or whatever until whatnot

Etc

It was just ??????????

He also mailed his transcript to himself instead of directly to the school, so I made him do it again but to the school since you get 3 free transcripts

So use up 2/3 but he won’t need the third hopefully, and even then, it’s like $5-$15 for one anyway

Jewel (9:55 PM): Wow, seems to me he has a tendency to think things are more complicated than they are?

Royal (9:55 PM): He over thinks things

And he’s super paranoid

You know about him and online shopping, right?

(And most things that involve him using his card)

Royal (10:05 PM): It’s interesting how part of the convo (before getting into the money thing) was some references to the song I wrote

Like, the whole thing with me beginning to feel like we both don’t care about the other’s interests atm “You looked so annoyed again today

I messed up once more

I guess it mutual, by the way

It all feels like such a bore”

“And now it’s like whatever it is I say

I say it wrong”

Me and transitioning and how I keep that suppressed around him “I’ve limited who I am

When it’s next to you that I stand

It starts to feel so fake

When it’s truly me that you can’t take”

Him not wanting to be sexual with a trans person but wanting me to be his only partner ”You love me, maybe still want me, never want to leave me”

It’s almost like we’re going through the song and analyzing it, maybe just not in order

Jewel (10:13 PM): Yeah

Also, I know this is all really hard on you and you of course still love and care for him, but it's good you're thinking about it and not avoiding it. And I'm glad I can be there for you about it in whatever small way I can.

Royal (10:14 PM): By “thinking about it,” you mean the transition thing?

Or do you just mean me struggling to connect with him at all nowadays

Like I’m not just throwing it in a closet and forgetting about it until it festers and boils

Jewel (10:26 PM): I mean about him

Yeah, that second thing, basically

Royal (10:29 PM): thanks, by the way

#moody #mood swing #journal #mood journal #love #romance #heartbreak #confession #confusion #confused #exhausted #exhaustion #hurt #loss #loss of connection #lost #direction #depressed #depression

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terriblevalveartandocs · 7 years

Text

About Valve OCs and the blog

This has been on my mind for a while.

This blog never got a satisfying end in my books, and I’m sure for other readers as well. Even though closure is a myth perpetuated by mainstream media, I will make this post to try to rectify past mistakes and general truancy of this blog. I have my own suspicions that most of my readers are dead (considering all of the porn bots are now starting to follow me), so I write this post in the darkness of the night into the void that is Tumblr. Read my cry if you care.

Firstly, this blog will never update again. There are multiple factors that have led to this blog’s extinction and I think they’re important to address

Motivation

This blog took up a large chunk of my life back when it was active. Don’t get me wrong, bad art still gets me to cringe and I find myself on occasion still pining over weird ocs and art styles on Deviantart. However, maintaining it as a blog with daily updates became a chore for me along with promising critiques of ocs and such. I’ve come to discover that I can’t do what I love as “””work”””. While bad art still remains a passion for me, I don’t see myself continuing this in blog format.

OCs have changed

The OC market has changed. Base art has definitely taken a downturn in the past few years and you’re more likely to see people hand-drawing their ocs or writing them out. Thanks with the culture of memeing about bootleg fandom ocs (This is my own original character blonic, donut steels) , it seems that people are more drawn towards creating their own worlds and characters rather than shoving their mary sue into their current fan favorite content. These are good changes in terms of originality for artists and writers in my opinion.

However, a lot of the formats for OCs have changed as well. There tends to be an emphasis on their sexuality and race in OC culture now. I don’t consider that a bad thing but I’d rather not poke that hornet’s nest of gender identity and race of fictional characters. What used to be the standard straight, bi, gay has expanded into other territories that I am unfamiliar with and now we have more ocs outside of the standard white chick but with Japanese last name because the creator really likes naruto. Again, this just seems to be the trend and I think my last few revival posts kinda show them.

Valve as a games publisher

LOL when’s half life 3???

Valve has definitely moved from being a game developer to a digital distributor. Steam definitely seems to be their focus outside of Hat/Weapon Skin collecting and online gambling (and also their weird consoles/controllers???). Not that I would continue this blog if they released more content (They published another update to the TF2 comic, can’t wait for that to get updated in a year).

Along with this slump of their own original content, this has led to a slump in original characters for their franchises. There are not as many fan ocs and art isn’t being produced for their franchises (except maybe with comic updates for TF2 and nostalgia for old games).

This blog was created at the optimal time imo with L4D2 still being fresh, TF2 still having an active userbase, and Portal 2 giving some great content in terms of creative material.

Also I’m not interested in reviewing Dota 2 art and I don’t think there are enough Counterstrike ocs.

Negativity

I don’t know if this blog was a source of positive or negative energy. On one hand, I was ridiculing people’s art without much hesitation and not acknowledging how much time and effort that might have been put in by the artist. But on the other hand, it provided laughs for people during its duration and gave me a creative outlet in terms of humor, arguments, and writing. I think I did my best to avoid any harassment for these artists by removing any watermarks that might lead any rude reader to them, but I’ll never know if they suffered any bullying. Obviously I’m not going to put this on my resume as work experience but I like to think that this blog help think critically about their content, regardless of what role you played on the blog be it me, a submitter, an observer, or the subject. Maybe if some supreme being questions why I started this blog in the afterlife, I can tell them I did it for the lolz.

In the end, I think I did more harm than any general good for the world and nobody will really understand that weird pain if I try to repent for it publicly. I don’t know of any key examples of this (or really remember because I haven’t done this shit in years), but I do apologize if I ruined anyone’s ambitions for writing/drawing.

I’m glad there is a stronger hugbox mentality for artists who aren’t very good and I embrace that style of encouragement. I guess my only concern is veering too far into that and just embracing everything as perfect and awesome and never improving. Criticism has its place in society.

Perhaps the real lesson is that who the hell gives a shit about what you post on the internet. Why should you give a stranger any control over how much your art is worth? However, this also gives the argument into determining if any of your art is worth anything based on your preconceived notions on your art’s merits since you are only a stranger to me. Why should you tell me that your art is valid and equal to anything else produced when it looks like you drew it with your tablet pen stuck up your ass?

Maybe we all just need to learn to stop giving invisible voices the power to ruin our emotional states and work on our self satisfaction.

Growing up????

I wrote most of this blog like a million years ago. It was a stronger part of my identity and a part of a community in a way of similar blogs in the same style. But I don’t really relate to the content as much I used to. Valve games are still near and dear to me, but they’re more nostalgic than my current flame and muse. I feel the same happened to other blogs in the same vein as mine. Perhaps also age and the changes of time led to our own focuses in our own lives than looking at the scribbles of some stranger on the internet. While it’s still one of my internet past times, it is not my main focus in life to critique bad art (unless it starts paying serious dosh). I just don’t relate to the words and passions anymore. In a way, this is my own cringe that artists produce when they’re young on Deviantart. It’s kind of funny in a weird way.

This blog will continue to remain up but I’ll probably move into another blog of some sort (I accidentally made this my primary blog and I can’t delete it). It sort of became my main lurking blog and I guess its time that I make a less weird not ghost blog (I’m probably confusing a lot of the people that I follow with my constant hearts and comments).

I guess I wanna say thanks for all of the people who followed this blog and its contents. I probably wouldn’t have continued for very long without followers so you’re all to blame for this negative impact I’ve made on the world (jkjk). I like to think we’re connected with our mutual spirit in improving how we create things and wanting to see improvement in others. I think this blog helped me see the dumbest of things and not be afraid to say it was dumb and I hope it did for you as well. I also hope it brought you laughs in the content that was displayed or the humor I attempted to convey. It did genuinely warm my heart whenever I got a heart, reply, reblog, or messages to keep up the work. It kind of makes me sad to think that I left rather abruptly, but better blogs have died quicker and quieter. Simple fact of life really. Thank god my ego keeps me in check to constantly remind people of my existence.

To any artists out there, bad art is a fact of life. You do not come out of the womb knowing how to do two point perspective and 3d shapes. You mess up doing 3d shapes each any every time until you get it and then move on to the next thing you’re not good at. There’s a common TIL leddit post about how Michaelangelo burnt all of his old works so nobody would know how bad he was when he was starting out. I don’t know how true that is, but that’s not a great mentality to have for your art. Seeing that bridge between your former self and current self is important for seeing self growth in your skills. Plus you won’t have those juicy likes and comments on instagram when you do the art redraw and show how far you come like how can you skimp on that you dingus.

All of the great content creators right now love showing off the shitty art they did as kids because it gives them a sense of progress in their work and their accomplishments and continues to drive them in their own works. (unless you’re rebecca sugar and drew ed edd and eddy shipping porn lol). Heck, some of them even take the stuff that was once cliche characters and expanded on them in their own Original Universe Donut Steel. And thanks to their own Original Universe Donut Steel, now tens of thousands of impressionable young artists can look at it and say “that’s awesome, but it would be way better if there was my own character...”.

OCs are weirdly one of the ultimate ways of fan expression where you enjoy the content so much you wish you were part of it. Even though it’s very disjointed and out of place, it’s usually done in a place of love for the franchise or the characters. So for those of you that are doing that still, keep at it I guess.

Fan art is sorta in the same way where you enjoy something so much that you want to replicate the style/themes/characters in your own or the content’s style. While not as extreme, it’s still in the same place of love and people generally like that more than original shit anyways so continue to make it so I can buy your posters at anime conventions without supporting the original creator lol.

If you want to harass me further for my sins against budding artists, I guess I’ll link my personal blog if anyone actually asks me. I also wrote this at 3 am so it is extremely unedited and awful but it’s the most “pure” for my usual diatribe. Consider it my first OC for the blog.

Good night, good life, and farewell.

#valve #terriblevalveartandocs #wow this dead blog finally got an obiturary #that's right grandma decided to haunt this blog and repeat this blog post to those who enter #came back from the dead to remind you i'm dead #but this is on my own terms death ahahahah #there go my dreams of being tumblr famous #i love all of my ...*looks at smuged handwriting* smefty hundred followers #NOW I CAN SLEEP #this was actually part of my repentance for church that my pastor assigned me #now i can get into heaven where i belong #also the real reason i stopped updating was because i was in prison for 3 years for cyberbullying #i hurt too many bronies feelings #thankfully i'm back and i ended up joining a brony prison gang #guess what my cutie mark is #why do i still think i'm funny

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