#but NOPE hahaha fuck you!

[mostlymaudlin]

was starting to hijack in the tags of that post i just reblogged but ohhhhh it is so juicy to me that the end of TKM is just part of the rising action of andrew's character arcs. and yet the way the novel leaves off, you can have so much hope in the ways its going to continue -- especially because neil proves to us on the last page that he's going to fight like hell to hold onto him whatever comes next.

it's just !!!! all andrew's deals are done. neil's big happy moment of relationship security comes from the fact that andrew didn't deny its existence lol. BUT neils correct to be happy about this, because he knows andrew is a black & white thinker, and he's entering unchartered territory! all his lil lies he uses to duct tape his sanity together are coming apart, and that break is going to be FASCINATING. i doubt it'll be explosive or anything -- andrew's more the "quietly self-destruct climax" type than the "defeat the mafia thru the power of sports climax" type -- but it'll sure be something interesting. and then once it all breaks, we know he'll have neil and kevin and his family and the foxes to help him heal -- and he'll have to believe it when they show they care about him, because he literally doesn't owe anyone anything

#i think thats why all my aus put andrew in his Self Destruct Era #because im just so positive that he well on his way to that at the end of tkm #actually im amending the tags a bit bc i think what i sometimes end up doing w him in aus is a product of the fact that my stories rarely #have extreme external plot elements #like andrew never thinks neil DIES lol #baltimore is so fucking integral to andrews development #he did not have time to do the full self destruct 'oh no can i live without him' era because #he literally got tested on that and he FAILED HAHAHA #so he def knows that he needs neil #the crux of the conflict still is -- can he accept this without hating himself? #because if THATS not addressed then eventually his logic is going to warp #and hes going to do stupid shit #and yeah :) i love when he does stupid shit and then ppl are like #NOPE. unfortuantely you have fucked up severely #and in order to get back what you cant live without #you must board the Self Love Express !!!! #its a journey lil man!!!!! #youre gonna hate it!!!!!!!! youre gonna go on it anyway!!!! #SCRMEEEEAMMMM i love andrew minyard

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

I JUST WANT TO FUCKING DRAW HIM WHY IS IT SUCH A GODDAMN ORDEAL EVERY TIME FOR FUCKS SAKE

#smol has a vent #hahaha guess who im attempting to fucking draw again :) youll never fucking guess :) #ive sketched him many times and i can NEVER make an ACTUAL FULL PIECE cause i dont FUCKING KNOW HOW TO DRAW HIM!!!!!! #i want to put my own spin/style obvs but i want him to look as canon as possible but i also want him to look good #it'd help if i could fucking draw legs. need to make that bitch skinnier #i just always draw legs too long or thick!! and i STILL dont know how long torsos should be!!! #'wait smol arent u like an artist. aint that like ur one marketable skill' why yes it is!!! #and you know what? im damn good at it!!! im damn good at following refs and drawing people's OCs!!! #but drawing my fictional faves??? NOPE!!! SORRY LADS NOT TODAY!!!! #it is...so fucking difficult wanting to draw ur faves cause they genuinely make us so happy #but the first attempt is always guarunteed to upset me cause I CANT FIGURE THE FUCKIN SHAPES OUT #AND I STILL CANT WRITE 'GAURUNTEED' RIGHT ON THE FIRST GO #i peaked with that 80s Goromi piece. ive not drawn her anywhere near as beautiful since

[quietblissxx]

Annnnd my package came so have some more photos lmao

#do I have anywhere to wear that top? nope but it's hella cute #that collar and underwear were things you once asked me to get for you and i am probably very foolish to buy them now #but having them makes me feel closer to you. if you ever come back you're in for a treat. #me #personal #🍑 #dear you. i feel like i would do anything for you and i hate that you have that affect on me #hahaha i just sent that pic to e and he said I'm lowkey the love of his life. you fucking know it 😂 #wasn't bought for him but your girl makes due when the one she really craves has left on radio silence for over a month

[jyoongim]

i came across this reel and my immediate thought was "lucifer finding out alastor wanted to date his daughter" (not charlie ofcccc)

Morningstar!Reader x Alastor

>i switched it up a bit so it’ll be Lucidaddy finding out Alastor is dating his baby<

————————————————————————————-

“Just play it cool sis. Its just dad” you tried to reassure your sister, Charlie who was sweating profusely. You grabbed her hand and gave her a smile which made the older girl calm down a bit.

”Youre right! Its just dad…hahaha”

Vaggie had suggested that since the hotel wasn’t going like planned that Charlie should call y’all father. 

Who just happened to be the King of Hell itself.

Charlie shot it down, but you knew that your dad could help relieve some of the stress off the both of you.

So you had everyone in the hotel cleanup and promise they would be on their best behavior.

especially your boyfriend.

”Just be your charming self without the sarcasm please” You pouted up at the tall demon, who sported a smile as he hummed in acknowledgment at your words.

You were nervous to introduce Alastor to your father. You didn’t really have much experience with dating and the relationship between the two of you was as good as it was between him and your sister (slightly better because you’re his baby). You just wanted everything to be smooth enough to slip that you were dating someone.

Surely nothing could go wrong right?

——————————————————————

“Hi dad wel-OH!” Charlie wheezed as Lucifer pulled her into a big hug, squeezing the air out her lungs

”Charlieeee!” He gushed before his eyes caught yours.

You tried to avoid the bone-crushing hug, but your father was too fast; pulling you in as well.

”Oooh my girls how I’ve missed you!”

You missed how Alastor’s eye twitched.

You and Charlie squirmed out of his grasp, trying to regain your composures as you sucked air back into your lungs.

Charlie cleared her throat “Dad welcome to the Hazbin Hotel” she gave a wobbly smile as she showed the last minute decorated lobby.

She introduced all the residents so far and just as she was continue showing him around, Lucifer looked at the bar

”Oh! What in the unholy hell is that?” He looked to you

”babygirl tell me you didn’t approve of that?”

Before you could say anything, Alastor manifested by your side.

”I thought it adds a bit of color, don’t you think?” His smile was big, showing off his teeth.

Your dad grimaced, looking from Charlie to you to Alastor “who-who what are you the bellhop?” he asked.

Alastor laughed “haha! Oh no! I am the host of the hotel. Maybe you’ve heard my radio broadcast?”

Lucifer deadpanned “nope. Maybe that’s why the girls call it the ‘Hazbin hotel ahaha”

you and Charlie winced.

Alastor narrowed his eyes “It was actually my idea.”

”Oh? Well it wasn’t every clever” Lucifer challenged, making Alastor bend to his level ”Ahaha Fuck you” Alastor hissed.

You and Charlie got between the two, you frowning at Alastor, slapping his chest, while Charlie tried to distract dad.

”OoohOk! Dad Alastor here has been a big help.” She said trying to paint the Overlord in a more positive light. She looked at you as if to help plead her case.

”She’s right dad” you said with a smile “Without Alastor I don’t know how we would have gotten this far” you looked at the red demon smiling “he’s been good to us”

That was true. You have no idea where the hotel would be without Alastor’s help.

“These two lovely ladies have such optimistic hearts. I am more than happy to fulfill any desire they have” Alastor said, smiling down at you, wrapping an arm around you, pulling into his side.

Your father narrowed his eyes at the actions and growled lowly.

”uuuh huuuhh. Well-” he slapped Alastor’s arm with his cane and guided you and Charlie to the other guests to be introduced.

”how about you introduce me to your OTHER friends?”

When Charlie introduced Vaggie, you felt your stomach ball in a knot. “Oh you like girls THANK goodness!ahaha” Lucifer’s eyes caught yours, a nervous smile of his face “don’t tell me my baby is in a relationship as well?” Oh what a hopeful look he had.

You looked at Charlie, who gave you an encouraging nod, you cleared your throat, straightening up

”o-oh well about that…” you nervously laughed, looking down as you wring your hands.

A large hand grabbed yours to ease your nervous antic, and instead intertwined your fingers together. You look up to see Alastor standing behind you and bringing your interlocked hands to his lips and press them to the back of your hand. He smiled at you softly as he wrapped his other arm around you.

You looked over to see the King of Hell looking like he’s going to be sick. 

“Dad…Alastor isn’t just the host of the hotel…he’s also my boyfriend” you said smiling at your dad.

Lucifer went to say something, but your sister stopped him, placing a hand on his shoulder “Dad she’s happy and i know Alastor looks like he’s up to no good which most of the time he isn’t   But he actually makes her really happy. Look”

The short king watched as the tall red demon gave you a squeeze, leaning down to press a kiss to your forehead and nuzzle you. He saw how Alastor looked at you with complete devotion, while you looked at him with love in your eyes.

He sighed, bringing your attention back to him. He held out his hand, a tight smile on his face “nice to meet you”

Alastor grinned and shook his hand…before wiping it like it was the most repulsive thing “pleasure to meet you sir!”

You sighed a breath of relief. That wasn’t so bad.

”Tell me…you haven’t slept with my daughter have you?”

”DAD!”

”DAD!”

”what?! I can ask that!?”

”Your youngest has an insatiable sexual appetite”

”AL!”

”SAY WHAT!?”

#hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #alastor #alastor x reader #hazbin hotel fanfiction #jyoongim #alastor the radio demon #alastor x y/n #alastor hazbin hotel #hazbin lucifer #hazbin hotel lucifer #charlie hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #hazbin alastor x reader #lucifer morningstar #lucifer magne #dad beat dad

[the-moth-wizard-of-mayhem]

*Lepi walks to the store in human form. Giggling at the fact that they are now doing normal human things as a human.

........

*Lepi feels watched. They continue

BAM!

*Lepi gasps and narrowly dodges some sort of magic blast.

What... what on earth......

Your going to have to try harder than that

*Someone appears behind Lepi and shoots them with something. There's a yellow light. It burns.

AHG FUCK!

*Lepi turns around and tries to cast a spell on the attacker. It... it doesn't work?

Hahaha! Your magical energies gone. Neat lil trick i learned.

*Lepi falls backwards and quickly tries to reach into thier hair. It doesn't work.

Nope. Not going to work this time. Turns out that little thing you got going in your head is also powered by magic. Albiet not very much magic.

*The figure approaches and grabs Lepi by the face. Lepi tries to get away. But the figure just grabs thier face tighter.

Curious though.... your still human.....

*Lepi's eyes grow wide. How do they know so much about me? They claw at the figures arm. It is not effective.

...... weak.

*They throw Lepi to the ground. Lepi tries to run. The human whispers something and spikes erupt in front of Lepi. Lepi falls to the ground.

Another fun trick! Turns out magic wasn't that hard to learn after all. Now

*The human grabs Lepi and holds them by the throat. Lepi grabs the persons arm in a desperate attempt to keep from choking.

Do you remember me? Look at my face.

*The human pulls Lepi closer to thier face. Lepi tries to look away

No. Look at my face.

*The human forces Lepi to look at them. Orange... eyes....

You don't know me... do you

........

*The human's expression drops to a blank face. The human is seething.

*The human throws Lepi to the ground again and steps on Lepi's leg. Hard. Breaking it

AHG! S-STOP!!

*Lepi curls up and grabs thier leg whimpering

Pathetic. You don't even remember.

*The human begins walking towards Lepi. Lepi begins trying to desperately crawl away. The figure picks Lepi up again and turns them to look at thier face.

LOOK AT MY FACE!! WHO AM I? DO YOU NOT EVEN HAVE THE BASIC DECENCY TO REMEMBER THE PEOPLE YOU DESTROYED THE LIVES OF?? I SPENT SO LONG REMEMBERING YOU. I KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT YOU NOW. I SPENT ALL THIS TIME LOOKING FOR YOU. SO WHO AM I?

*The human punches Lepi in the face. Giving them a black eye. They look at the human. A palpable fear rises in them. Destroyed...? They remember the cities they raised to ashes. No...nonononono, this isn't happening, not like this.

*Lepi gets up. Limping.

OH?? AHAHAHAHAhahaha... so are you going to try to fight? In that state? You are so much easier to fight than I thought. You are just a weak little moth, after all.

*The human begins running. Readying another punch. Something snaps in Lepi when they hear the human's words. They dodge and grab the human by the head. Flipping them over onto the ground. The human quickly gets up. The spikes appear right where Lepi is. Lepi throws themself out of the way. The human takes this opportunity to fling Lepi across the ground again. The human slowly walks to the ground towards Lepi. Knowing Lepi isn't in a state to go anywhere fast.

Im.... im not... weak

ahah...AHAHAHAHAHA THAT'S ALL YOU CARE ABOUT? NO. NO, YOU ARE WEAK. WEAK AND PATHETIC. LOOK AT HOW EASY THIS IS!!

*The figure grabs Lepi again and throws them against a tree. Lepi coughs blood

YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME. MY LIFE. MY FAMILY. MY HOME. EVERYTHINGS GONE!! I SPENT ALL THIS TIME TRYING TO FIND YOU AND YOU BARELY PUT UP A FIGHT!!

*The figure punches Lepi again out of frustration. Lepi looks at the person in the eyes. The person has a crazed smile, and tears streaming down their face. Lepi feels an inescapable sense of dread. Lepi takes the punches.

WHY AREN'T YOU FIGHTING BACK??? WEAK!!! YOU WERE SO MUCH STRONGER BEFORE WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU??? ARE ALL WIZARDS THIS WEAK WITHOUT MAGIC??

*The figure continues punching Lepi.

I'LL KILL YOU!! I'LL KILL YOU LIKE YOU KILLED THEM!! ILL HURT EVERYONE YOU LOVE!!

AHahahaha.... no....no that's too easy..... i can't kill you yet. I spent this long trying to find you. Im going to enjoy this. Go. Run. Or i'll make your living moments so fucking painful.

*Lepi takes this opportunity. They desperately stumble away. The person laughs wildly and continues calling Lepi a coward.

*Once Lepi is a good distance away, they go into an alleyway in the town. Lepi leans against the wall and sinks to the ground. They grab their head and panick. Gasping for air. Their voice is raspy and squeaky.

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT

#tw:bleeding #tw: injury

[bo0tleg]

GEMS MY FRIEND SAID WATCHING TOP GUN (1986) FOR THE FIRST TIME:

"Look at those thighs! He's gotta be sitting on a dick, there ain't no way!" (about a random engineer in the opening sequence)

"This guy is too handsome to be a rando" (it was, indeed, a rando)

"Fifteen minutes in and I have no idea who the protagonist is." "Do you know what Tom Cruise looks like?" ".... No."

*Thought Cougar was gonna be the protagonist, was confused as hell when he left*

"The baldo is boring, but I think were gonna keep seeing him throughout the movie." "No, we're not." "We're not? Oh, thank god."

"Whoop, spotted the gay one. That wasn't even hard."

"That guy (Chipper) looks russian." "Nope." "No? What about that one (Slider)?" "It's the middle of the Cold War." "..... So?"

"A gay couple already? Wow."

"The blondie is trying to flirt while the other one is too concentrated on the rivalry."

"OH HELL NAH."

"Every old movie just feels the need for random straight romance– OH SHIT THAT'S HER? HE'S SO FUCKED." (In the scene where Charlie is 'officially' introduced)

"HOLD UP!" *Rewinds the scene* "What kind of flirting is that?" *Plays the scene again* "Did he just... Chomp? At him?"

"He has chemistry with her, but she doesn't want any chemistry with him. I mean, I can see she's attracted to him, but I think she just wants a quick lay." (Repeated this Every. Single. Time. Maverick and Charlie had a scene together.)

"Ah yes, the hetero scene that actually looks really gay." Later, remembering the scene: "How the fuck are you gonna play sports looking like a hot piece of ass without looking gay? You're not supposed to be hot! You're supposed to slap that fucking ball, not be like 'hahaha look at me, I'm so dainty and pretty.' THAT'S GAY!"

"It's cute, Goose treats him like a father would." "Don't you mean an older brother?" "No, he's too gentle for that. They'd be killing each other."

"See, Goose's wife treats him like an older sister would. By annoying him."

Charlie, on screen: "(...) Because I've fallen in love with you." "NO YOU FUCKING HAVEN'T, SHE'S JUST SAYING THAT FOR HIM TO STAY! SHE'S JUST SAYING WHAT HE WANTS TO HEAR TO KEEP HIM THERE!"

*Loud disgruntled noises I could hear from the kitchen over the sex scene*

"That's the one with the hard on!"

"I want more scenes of the blondie (Ice) and Maverick, I don't care about fucking planes."

"Did he die? Oh, no he's fine, the chute is there. Wait, he did die? NO!"

"Did he really need to be in his underwear for this conversation?"

"How cute, he's worried about Mavericks mental health. Shit."

*Screams*

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU IDIOT? SHE LEFT YOU AFTER YOUR BEST FRIEND DIED!" "And put on a song that reminds him of his parents." "AND PUT ON A SONG THAT REMINDS YOU OF YOUR DEAD PARENTS!"

#now uptaded with her reaction to the volleyball scene #stay tunned for top gun maverick #icemav #top gun iceman #top gun 1986 #top gun #top gun maverick #tgm #tg86 #tg:m #goose bradshaw #carole bradshaw #ron slider kerner #tom iceman kazansky #tom kazansky #pete mitchell #pete maverick mitchell #charlie blackwood #iceman x maverick #iceman kazansky #rick hollywood neven #leonard wolfman wolfe #iceman top gun #nick bradshaw #top gun 86

[averytirednerd]

Ha ha ha!

"It's nice to finally put a face to the name. You are much shorter in real life."

"Who is this? Who's this now? Are you the bellhop?"

"Haha! No! I am the host of the hotel. You might have heard of me from my radio broadcast."

"Hmm...nope! I guess that's why Charlie called it the 'Hazbin' Hotel! Hahaha."

"Ha ha ha. It was actually my idea."

"Ha ha ha! Well it's not very clever!"

"Ha ha, fuck you."

#has Alastor ever cursed before? #I don't think he has #maybe I just haven't watched the Pilot enough times #correct me if i'm wrong #hazbin hotel #alastor #hazbin hotel alastor #alastor hazbin hotel #alastor the radio demon #hazbin alastor #hazbin #hazbin hotel spoilers #hazbin hotel lucifer #I Love Luci #my post

[waynes-multiverse]

Can I put in the request for Ben to “support the fine arts?” 🤣

A/N: Hahaha you may! Hope you have fun with this! Based on this drabble and this little ask 😝

Pairing: Soldier Boy x F!Reader

Warnings: +18/NSFW, smut (oral m), degrading, dirty talk, weird jealousy on both side, SB being a manipulative asshole

Word Count: 2.5k

Main Masterlist || Dirty Drabbles Masterlist

He Comes In Colors

The chatter in the classroom quiets down as your teacher, Mrs. Fournier, enters. You and your friends finish your sentences in hush and take your seats in front of your respective easels, not wanting to upset the strict, older lady again.

But instead of her usual cantankerous and bitter features, she sports an unusually bright smile and pinkly flushed cheeks today, still giggling like a schoolgirl over a crush and looking in the direction of the hallway as she walks to her desk.

Bashfully, she clears her throat and fights to regain her composure. “Class, we have a change of plans. I know we were supposed to devote our attention to the intricacies of nature today, but an opportunity presented itself we simply cannot pass up on. We have a very special guest this beautiful afternoon, who so graciously volunteered to be our model for this class.”

Your chest tightens slightly at her words, encumbered with a dark forewarning that settles in your gut. And as you catch a flicker of an all too familiar sage green kimono by the door, the bad omen in your belly only grows.

He wouldn’t dare, you think. Would he?

But you don’t have to answer your own question. Deep down you already know.

Of course, he would.

“Ladies and gentlemen, meet our model for today – the one and only Soldier Boy,” Mrs. Fournier introduces, and you watch with parted lips as your stupid boyfriend strides into the classroom with an even stupider grin.

Mrs. Fournier claps with vivid adoration, expecting the class to follow her lead, but you can’t bring yourself to give him more than an annoyed slow clap. You shoot him a glare, and the smirk directed at you tells you he knows exactly what he’s doing. He aims to get on your nerves. He wants you to be mad.

Now, you’re sure you’ve done something in the last couple of days to upset him, and this is his way to enact his revenge instead of talking to you like an emotionally intelligent human being. Because Ben’s a fucking petty child, and this is how he deals with his feelings.

Ben offers his most charming red-carpet smile. “Pleasure to be here and support the fine arts, Mrs.–”

“Fournier,” your teacher provides all too helpfully.

“Ah, like fornicate. I can remember that,” Ben quips with a flirtatious smirk, while you suppress the sudden urge to stab him with the sharp end of your paintbrush.

You half expect the French woman to be appalled by the dirty joke. But to your big surprise, your over-sixty teacher only giggles in response like a high school freshman when the quarterback winks at her in the hallway.

“It is such an honor to have you here in my classroom, Soldier Boy,” Mrs. Fournier raves with a blush haunting her cheeks. “You have been my favorite superhero ever since I was a little girl.”

“Oh, so only ten years, huh?” Ben flirts shamelessly, all the while sending you little glances that let you know that this is your punishment.

Do you have a clue yet what you did? Nope! And you suppose you will never find out. You just have to get through this.

“Well, let’s get this show on the road, shall we?”

Soldier Boy devilishly rubs his palms together as he struts into the middle of the room, and with one flawless swing, he drops the robe and stands before you (and your classmates) in all his god-given glory. And boy, did God give – not only with two hands but probably with six or seven.

Mrs. Fournier gasps unabashedly with a palm on her weak heart and goddamn drool in your mouth, causing your frown only to deepen.

“Marvelous! Simply marvelous,” she rhapsodizes and is close to fainting. Of course, your boyfriend enjoys all this attention greatly. “It’s like staring at the statue of David!”

“Oh, please…” you mutter with a miffed scoff and roll your eyes back, but that only earns you a scolding glare from your teacher. You know then that showing your displeasure with the situation will only secure you a failing grade.

Ben then props his foot up on a little stool right in front of you, his cock hanging heavy and long between his muscular bow legs. And no, it’s not inflated to its full size but still as impressive and formidable as a lion king during a safari.

His gaze only sweeps across you before it lingers on your friend Alexander. There’s a cocky and yet threatening glint in your boyfriend’s eyes as he assesses the male next to you.

“Remarkable, isn’t it?” Soldier Boy prompts daringly. Only your boyfriend could talk about his dick like that and not even feel an ounce of shame. “Don’t worry, squirt. I’m sure yours is just fine,” he adds, but you know he doesn’t mean it.

And then, suddenly, it dawns on you – why he has decided to infiltrate your art class.

Two nights ago, you went out with Alexander and a few other friends from class for drinks and didn’t invite Ben. Mostly because Ben is obnoxious when he meets new people and is a little too “old-school values” for your hipster friends. It would take ages alone to even explain all their different sexualities and pronouns to your last-century boyfriend. You just wanted one night for yourself, and you knew now that hurt his feelings.

You even felt a tiny bit bad and guilty but by far not enough to accept this current shit show he was delivering.

“Oh my, I don’t want to be too forward but may I–” Your teacher doesn’t finish her sentence, but her reaching hand is suggestion enough.

Soldier Boy chuckles amusedly. “Oh, you may,” he says but smirks at you as you gape at him in utter indignation. “What kind of hero would I be, if I said no? After all, this body belongs to every American citizen.”

And as Mrs. Fournier’s greedy palm stretches for your boyfriend’s perky buttcheek, something inside you snaps. You jump up from your seat, all wild and fuming, before you realize everyone is staring at you with wide eyes and confused brows. No one knows you’re dating him, so your upset seems completely unwarranted to everyone else in the room. Only Ben’s lips rise triumphantly.

“Be-… Soldier Boy,” you correct yourself and clear your throat, forcing a tight-lipped smile on your face. “A word, please?”

“Y/N, we’re in the middle of a class. Show our guest some respect,” your teacher demands chidingly.

But Ben soothes her anger with another charming smile. “Oh, absolutely no problem, beautiful,” he says and causes Mrs. Fournier to blush once more. “Y/N here is clearly an adoring fan, and I always have time for my fans.”

“Yes, I’m a huge fan. I’ve never met a real celebrity before. My grandma will be so thrilled when I tell her all about it,” you lie as dryly as possible. Honestly, you’re so pissed you can’t get yourself to act remotely convincing.

“We’ll be right back,” Ben excuses with a tight smile.

He quickly throws his robe back on and grabs your upper arm, ushering you outside. You want to stop in the hallway, but he drags you further and shoves you into a supply closet, closing the door a little too roughly.

“You know the rules: no fucking drama in public. It’s not good for my image,” he reminds you sternly, and you try not to scoff.

“How dare you say that after waltzing into my goddamn class? Ben, my education is serious. You don’t mess with that,” you point out angrily and fold your arms over your tits. “I don’t have time for your petty revenge.”

“Yeah, you never have fucking time,” he huffs scornfully.

“Is this because I didn’t invite you for drinks with my friends?” You cock an eyebrow, shooting him a knowing look.

“No, this is because you went out with that fucking empty nutsack in there,” he bites and points an angry finger at you. “And by the way, you’d be fucking lucky to show me off. I’m a fucking catch! Have you seen how those bitches fawned over me in there?”

“Who? Mrs. Fournier? That old hag hasn’t seen any action since the French Revolution. She’d fawn over a fucking trash bag,” you retort and watch Ben purse his lips dejectedly. You smirk a little at your win.

But you don’t want to antagonize him more. You can tell that you hurt his fragile ego with your rejection, and while he fucking annoys you and drives you incredibly mad sometimes, you’re still deeply in love with the idiot in front of you. He does have his sweet moments every once in a while. He comes in many colors, a whole palette of different shades.

“Look, uhm, I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. I didn’t mean to, okay? I don’t want you to be jealous. You have no reason to be, alright? I love you, asshole,” you tell him with a small smile.

“Fine, maybe I was a little jealous,” he admits after a beat. “But not of that scrawny twinkie in there.”

“Alright, maybe I was a little jealous, too,” you remark to make him feel better. “But not of that old French whore in there.” Ben snorts at that, chuckling. “So, do you forgive me and get the fuck outta my class now?”

Ben muses slyly and then grins. “I don’t think that apology was good enough.” Your brow draws into a deep frown at his words. Whatever has gotten into his mind now can’t be good. “They do say an apology is only worthy if it’s said on someone’s knees.”

You glare at him, your hands balling into furious fists by your side. “You gotta be kidding me…” you mutter and hiss through your teeth, “Ben, I’m not fucking blowing you in the supply closet of my school!”

Ben only shrugs carelessly. “Alright, guess I’ll have to ask Mrs. French Whore and see if she takes me up on my offer.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” you grit.

“Oh, we both know I would, but I do prefer your beautiful and warm mouth, doll,” Ben smirks, letting each word roll off his tongue as his thumb pad reaches out and seductively traces your pink lips.

Instinctively, you suck his thumb into your mouth and massage it with your tongue, only widening his brash smile. As your eyes flicker down, you notice his rock-hard cock push through the fabric of the kimono and salute you. Your legs grow wobbly at the sight, your knees giving in with the urge to bend.

“Down,” he mouths, and you oblige without another protest, sinking to your knees in front of him.

You part your lips and stick your tongue out, ready to welcome his swollen tip. He fists his length and jerks his palm up and down a few times. He likes it to be as big as possible. He loves to see you struggle as you desperately try to fit all of him inside your tiny mouth.

His free hand lifts your chin, forces your eyes to find his as he guides his cock to your waiting mouth. He plops it on your tongue, heavy and thick, and lets it rest there for a second, gauging your reaction with a knowing smirk. You seal your lips around his weeping tip without question, your tongue swirling around it and dipping into the slit. You lick the salty precum with moans of pleasure, your hums sending vibrations up and down his length as your head begins to bob.

With each swallow you get closer to his pelvic bone, but Ben’s impatient and fists his hand into your hair. He roughly tugs and pulls you all the way down till your nose disappears in the little tuft of hair and tears stream down your cheeks as you cough for air.

“Yeah, that’s it, baby girl. Choke on my cock, you little slut,” he growls. His hips rock and find a rhythm as he thrusts inside you, hitting the back of your throat each time. “Fuck, that’ll teach you a lesson, won’t it? Who do you fucking belong to?”

He pulls you off his spit-drenched cock for the sole reason of replying. You look up at him as he expectantly meets your gaze with an arched eyebrow.

“You, daddy,” you reply on command.

He smirks in satisfaction and praises you, “There’s my good girl.” He tightens his grip on your hair and pushes back inside you. “Gonna send you back in with my cum all over you. Show those little pricks they can’t fucking touch what’s mine.”

As his hips gain speed, you hollow your cheeks and suck harder, feeling him swell on your tongue. Your jaw begins to ache, barely fitting his girth while his massive length drills relentlessly into your throat. Drool dribbles out from the sides of your mouth and mixes with your tears. Your mascara is nonexistent at this point and smeared all over your face.

And you know damn well, as soon as you walk back into class, everyone will know what you did.

“Such a good little whore for me,” Ben groans and pistons deeper once more, squeezing his eyes shut. You know it’s his telltale sign that he's close. “You’re such a fucking mess. Shit, gonna blow…”

He grunts as his hips stutter and his cock throbs in your mouth. He shoots hot ropes of cum down your throat, pulling out in the midst to paint your face with the rest. God knows he would never miss an opportunity to mark you. And when he’s done with his piece of sublime artwork, he smirks down at you, all self-satisfied and proud.

But then a bit of sweetness returns as he holds out his hands and helps you back on your feet. He gently tucks and brushes your hair back into place before snatching a roll of paper towels from the rack of art supplies behind you. He thoroughly cleans your face, removing any evidence of his deed, and kisses your hairline like you’re his most prized possession when he’s finished.

“There, all done, doll.” Ben’s smile makes you blush as he cups your cheeks. “No one will be the fucking wiser.”

As the two of you saunter back inside, no one seems to suspect anything. You get back to your original seat, while Ben invents some silly excuse to get out of his naked commitment.

But then Alexander tilts his head at you with a furrowed brow and narrowed eyes, his finger pointing at his own cheek. “Y/N, uhm, I think you have something there. Oh, uhm, is that…”

He doesn’t finish as your eyes widen and your cheeks redden in embarrassment. Your shocked gaze darts to your boyfriend as he lingers by the door. With one last cunning smirk, he winks at you and heads out.

Yes, your boyfriend surely comes in many colors – and most of them are dark.

And yes, you bet your ass Ben was crushing hard on Mrs. Fournier 😂 Hope you enjoyed this!

PUT YOUR DIRTY THOUGHTS HERE

TAGS:

Everything Jensen: @alwaystiredandconfused @xlynnbbyx @lyarr24 @deans-spinster-witch @blackcherrywhiskey @deansbbyx @foxyjwls007 @ladysparkles78 @roseblue373 @zepskies @agalliasi @hobby27 @globetrotter28 @mxltifxnd0m @lacilou @feyresqueen @suckitands33

#dirty drabbles #soldier boy #soldier boy/ben #soldier boy x reader #soldier boy x you #soldier boy x y/n #soldier boy x femaler reader #soldier boy reader insert #soldier boy smut #the boys #the boys amazon #the boys x reader #the boys smut #jensen ackles

[pedge-page]

I can imagine preggo wife literally talking and talking and talking in the middle of a movie and gets offended and leaves when Joel tells her to quiet down

Joel Dealing with Preggo Wife : Yapper

notes: Oh I had fun writing this! no warnings (maybe some Fugitive and Raiders spoilers), Enjoy!

- - - -

Joel’s pretty excited for movie night. It’s one of the few films the two of you don’t argue over and can pretty much watch the entire way through without disruption.

Or at least, it used to be.

Joel settles against the couch armrest with his feet propped up, knees bent slightly so you have room to sit in front. He’s got any snack you could think of within an arm reach away, and he’s got the title on pause so you can scooch your fat booty and big belly comfortably. Usually takes about 15 minutes of squirming, smacking his chest to “fluff” it up, adding a pillow at his crotch, then taking it away because you like his hard cock there instead, elbow in his groin and then his knee, then you gotta get up to pee before starting the whole process over.

“OK Im ready!” You say after 15 minutes on the dot, snuggling close to him with the back of your head rested against the crook of his neck.

He finally hits play, and the Lucasfilm logo flashes across the screen. The tropical forest and ominous music plays as the familiar font of Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark fade on to the screen.

“Joel. Joel. Hey Joel.” 

“Y-yes?”

“Did you know Indiana was named after George Lucas dog? Who also was the physical inspiration for chewy?” You ask  rhetorically. 

It takes him a second to understand you’re asking him a question. “What?”

“Chewbacca! From Star Wars!”

“Oh ok neat,” he says with some enthusiasm, but quick to end it and get back to watching the movie—

“Yeah also Sean Connery is also apparently—well guess how much older he is to Harrison Ford.”

“Um—I don’t—I don’t know.” Joel says slowly, watching as Indy carefully removes the sand from the pouch and weighs it to the gold idol.

“C’mon, guess!”

“I really don’t know, can we—“

“12 years older than Harrison in Last Crusade! My mom was like ‘WHAT no way’ and I was like ‘Yes way’ and she was like ‘He's his father and he's got all that white in his hair and receding hairline’ and I was like ‘Joel's only in his late 30s and he's got white in his beard.’”

Joel can’t hear a damn thing happening on screen except the shouts about hating a pet snake named Reggie. “Wha—“

“Not that you look anything like Sean Connery in Last Crusade. Maybe in like Bond —oof he was the hottest Bond. Plus you got like a receding beard-line with all the patches, I don’t know, but my mom was like ‘Ya know Joel's got more white hair lately since you've been pregnant’ and I was like ‘Nah uh’ and she was like ‘Ya huh’ and I was like ‘Huh I wonder why that is…?’ Anyway but nope only 12 years between him and Ford—“

Joel turns to look at you with a frown, a bit confused and amazed at how you have so much to say, right now, oblivious as ever. 

It doesn’t phase your rambling one bit: “—Like damn, but you know Harrison Ford has always been handsome. But like in the bad boy kind of way, not like handsome upstanding like Christopher Reeves? When I saw The Fugitive, I was like ‘oooohhhh I'll be his wife now’ hahaha! no no I’m sorry, he’s famous and I’m not so that’s why I married you, but that's such a fall film don't you think? Minus the murder and betrayal and fucking Dr Charles Nickles like was he British or not? He was in and out of an accent the whole time? Didn't make sense to me but yeah, it's just such a fall Cozy film.”

Joel looks back at the screen and realizes Marion is already being cornered by the Nazi creep: “Ah huh—honey—“

“OH! I Love her song! It’s kind of like Leia and Han’s from Empire except the last notes are different, like it goes do doooooo instead of da dat dada daaaaaaa, That’s just John William’s for ya, but you’d never notice they were so similar!”

Joel opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out as you continue:

“—Also I know you said my mom made good apple pie but I really wanna try to make it because I want you to like mine more, so I need you to get some apples and pie crust and butter and stuff from the store, I’ll make a list so you can get it. They said we need ground cinnamon but I think ours expired like 5 years ago so don’t forget that. And then I'm gonna tell you how to slice the apples since I can't handle sharp objects and then oh I need you to get the mixer from the top shelf and then you have to mix it all together and slice the top with like little heart patterns and then put it in the oven n stuff ‘cause it's hot and I don't wanna burn OH and that reminds me—!” 

“BABE!”

“Hmm? yes?” You ask with a innocent smile. 

“Let's try to be quiet and watch the movie ok?”

He offers a gentle smile and nods, pointing towards the TV again and settling to watch it with his beautiful wife.

His very very very unhappy wife. Your eyes haven’t left his, face now downturned in such a scowl, he should be shitting his pants.

You roll your jaw at him once, teeth grinding against one another with slitted, murderous eyes. Joel gulps, too afraid to glance back at you again. His eyes are wide staring at the commotion on the television but, now in your deadly silence, he can’t seen to focus on it at all. 

Instead of saying anything, you roll polly up to your feet, arms crossed over your chest defensively as you utter a loud “Hmph!” before storming away from the living room.

He’ll have to deal with groveling tomorrow morning when you might be a little more welcoming. But on the bright side, he’s got way more room to spread out on the couch and he can hear the movie much better now! 

......... 

He switches it off and runs upstairs to get on his knees by your side of the bed, begging for your forgiveness and promises of a Clyde's milkshake to go. 

- - - -

Permanent Taglist

@harriedandharassed @lola8888673 @its-nebuleuse @zliteraturehoe @merz-8 @joeldjarin @pascalscoffin @pedroshotwifey @ghostslillady @innerpersonunknown @missladym1981 @mrsoharaxx @survivingandenduring @milla-frenchy @cockykookiee @fairytale07 @daddy-din @pedropascalsbbg @spookyxsam @somehopeatlast @millercontracting @pedrostories @mishala005 @theoraekenslover @animez96 @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @puduvallee @cassiecasluciluce @loohoop

#joel miller fan fiction #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfiction #last of us fanfiction #joel miller fic #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us fic #the last of us fluff #joel miller fluff #tlou fanfiction #tlou fic #tlou fluff #last of us fic #last of us fluff #pedro pascal fic #joel dealing with preggo wife

[nabwastaken]

Hatchetfield Tumblr Dashboard Simulator

🧔 timsdaddyhouston Follow

So a couple years after the.. 'accident' I got my car fixed at my buddy's repair shop and now it's talking to me? And telling me she's my dead wife? @tonygreensbodyshop do you know anything about this?

🔧 tonygreensbodyshop Follow

Nope. Nothing. Maybe you could talk to @msretrosofficial about it?

🌟 flemwad69 Follow

OP i suggest you fuck your hot car wife

🤓 hotchocolateboi Follow

OMG RUUTTTHH THAT'S LITERALLY OUR SHOP TEACHER STOP

🧔 timsdaddyhouston Follow

Been there, done that.

🤓 hotchocolateboi Follow

..wait, what now?

42 Notes

🌟 flemwad69 Follow

she's a news anchor. he's also a news anchor. Their 5 year long stint as the co hosts of Morning Cup Of News will change your perception of love.

👨🏻 iamdanreynolds Follow

Uhm, what now?

👩thats-amazing-donna Follow

I second that, what the hell?

🌟 flemwad69 Follow

OH SHIT YOU GUYS HAVE TUMBLR I HAVE TO GO DELETE SO MANY POSTS NOW-

🐿 peanuts-the-hatchetfield-pocket-squirrel

No no OP, you're right. They're really lovey dovey off camera.

🌟 flemwad69 Follow

PEANUTS???

42,690 Notes

😎 steph-lauter-the-mayors-daughter Follow

a test.

👨‍💼 normalman23 Follow

Sure, to our knowledge the Ape Man isn't real and if he was, why would he come to my house? But consider this, dear reader. Peanuts The Hatchetfield Pocket Squirrel is simply too busy and too famous to show up at my, a normal office worker's, house.

Damn I wish I was him.

500 notes

🗳️ hatchetfield-confessions Follow

You know what, I'm gonna go ahead and say it. I think Ted Spankoffski is hotter than Dan Reynolds.

~~~

🥴 dans-biggest-fan Follow

Anon I am at your house right now with a gun.

🚬 lex-foster

Omg mom GET OFF TUMBLR

#like srsly wtf? #she literally runs a dan reynolds fan blog you guys #like feed your children omg

23 notes

🍆 spankman69-deactivated20041017

Yo I just found this sick time travelling box what do I do with it

🐐 tick-tock Follow

Perhaps you should try using it to go back in time and fix your mistakes, OP! Hahaha hahaha!

🍆 spankman69-deactivated20041017

Sure thing, doesn't sound risky at all.

390 Notes

🫓msretrosofficial-deactivated20200604

Miss Retro's will temporarily be closed for renovations! Hope to see y'all back when we reopen! <3 <3 <3

👦🏻just-a-social-worker-guy Follow

Just stumbed upon this post and I am wondering, who is OP? And why do I feel such a weird feeling around her?

✨️ holidays-are-over

Wouldn't you like to know..

65 Notes

🌐 hatchetfield-morning-news-official Follow

Good Morning Hatchetfield! Make sure to tune in today at 9:00 am sharp to hear more about Hatchetfield's favorite pocket squirrel!

👨🏻 iamdanreynolds Follow

Updating about this on my main and.. what the fuck?

👩thats-amazing-donna Follow

PEANUTS THE HATCHETFIELD POCKET SQUIRREL IS TALKING!!

👨🏻 iamdanreynolds Follow

HE'S A SENTIENT BEING!

👩thats-amazing-donna Follow

WHAT DO WE DO NOW?!

👨🏻 iamdanreynolds Follow

WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?!

👩thats-amazing-donna Follow

WHAT IS THE NEXT STEP?!

👨🏻 iamdanreynolds Follow

IS THERE A GOD?!

💥 hatchetfield-disaster-archive

Hatchetfield Disaster Log: Peanuts the Hatchetfield Pocket Squirrel starts talking, and the Hatchetfield News studio is set on fire.

100,069 Notes

#hatchetverse #starkid #team starkid #hatchetfield universe #nerdy prudes must die #fake dashboard #dashboard simulator #nab's comedy hour #also #nab's creative endeavours #<- i guess?? #you know i had to shoehorn dangit in there #dan and donna my beloveds #oh and also the names without the follow icon are people youre already following #ruth is dangit's number one fan you can pry this from my cold dead hands #unreality cw

[x-masc-reader-galore]

im a filthy fucking liar can you write me adam x reader but hes like so soft and squishy

I KNEW IT, HAHAHA!!!!! YOUR DISCORD DMS WONT LIE TO ME. ANYWAYS.

————————————

Adam growled at he looked down at the angel was snuggling up to him. “What’re you doing?” He asked the angel who looked up at smiled.

“Nothing,” He responded, getting comfortable and playing around with Adam’s wings. Adam flinched, never really knowing what it was like to feel his wings get rubbed. “The fuck are you doing now?” He groaned, sounding more confused than mad. The rubbing was quite nice.

The angel shrugged and continued to stroke his feathers, soon feeling Adam deflate and snuggle more into the reader. “Don’t question it, just keep rubbing my wings.” Adam snapped before the reader could reply, only getting a giggle. Adam was so stressed out from training, and he didn’t know how much he really needed this, especially with his boyfriend.

The reader looked up and smiled, cupping Adam’s cheek and squishing it! Of course, Adam got pissy, “Hey! Don’t fuckin—“ He was cut off with another squish and he grumbled, “You don’t quit, do you?”

The reader laughed and shook his head, “Nope!” Adam almost shattered. The reader went back to stroking his feathers, delicately preening him. “You should let me do this more often, angel.” The reader said to Adam, Adam grumbling, “Just this once.. don’t get too used to it.” But they both knew that this was going to happen over and over.

By the time they were done, Adam was all snuggled up into the reader, relaxed and snoring away. Who knew that his wings were his weak spot.

#hazbin hotel #x male reader #x reader #adam hazbin hotel #x adam hazbin hotel #reqeust

[luxthestrange]

RoR Incorrect quotes#163 TURN IT OFF!?

♪ ♪

Y/n*Smilling seeing the movie as things get tenser and more creepy, glancing at the BRAVE warriors & Fighters hugging your squish mallows looking horrified at the screen*...

Ares: Oh, no.No, no, no.No, no, no, No, no, I don’t like this-

Loki: This is not good-

Qin shi:...No

Raiden: Nope-

All Four*Seeing as the girl has no longer a reflection in the mirror...and goes to touch it* Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

Ares: Don’t like this-

Raiden: Come on-

Ares: Oh, stop-

Raiden: Come on-

Ares: Stop it!

Raiden: Come on!

Ares: Oh, stop it!?

Raiden: Come on!

Ares: Stop it!?!?

The Mirror breaks and cracks and there is a woman with a blind fold and they all scream in horror seeing it further while you cackle at their reactions

Ares: Goddammit!

Raiden: Come on!

Ares: What the fuck?

Raiden: Come on!

Loki: Fuck, you’re a piece of shit, Y/n!?Oh, my God!?

Qin shi: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!?!?

Raiden*Throwing his Squishmallow at the tv*Get it off!!! Turn it off!!!

Loki: Turn it the fuck off!?!?!

Y/n*Clapping hands and shakes head pausing the movie*HAHAHA!?

Part 2 of :

#record of ragnarok #shuumatsu no valkyrie #record of ragnarok x reader #shuumatsu no valkyrie x reader #ror #snv #ror ares #snv ares #ror raiden x reader #snv raiden x reader #ror loki x reader #snv loki x reader #ror qin shi huang x reader #snv qin shi huang x reader #ror incorrect quotes #snv incorrect quotes #incorrect quotes

[myredrainbow]

Lucifer vs Alastor x reader!!! Pt.1

First I just wanna say ty for 100 likes on Alastor’s post!! I’m sorry that I haven’t been posting for a bit got to watch the show!!! Now that we have it we can now celebrate!!

Now since Alastor & Lucifer were trying one up each other for Charlie’s attention, I want to make something similar for reader purposes!! So this will be a one shot of these two lovely handsome devils~!

I hope you like it!!!

( spoilers)

~ Alastor & you were great friends with each other until Charlie announced that her father was going to be at the hotel. Freaking everybody up to clean up and pretty up the place.

~ As a fellow maid you and Niffty were cleaning up a storm as the others were making cookies and putting up streamers. Alastor watching everyone as he glared at the welcome banner, “Are you alright Alastor?” You asked.

~ He grinned at you, patting your head. “ Don’t worry, my dear!” He cheered, gripping his microphone tightly a bit. You stare at him then smiled, “Ah! What beautiful smile you have today!”. He grinned, you chuckle. “Your not fully dress-“ without a smile!” You and Alastor said together, as Vaggie said “Hey! He’s nearly here, come on”.

~~~~

~“Charlie!” Lucifer smiled as he hugged Charlie, “hey dad”.

~Lucifer twirls around as Razzle and Dazzle Floyd next to him as he mumbled something at them, he stands up straight as he walks around. He walks your way as you bow your head at him, “ Welcome! Your majesty, it’s an honor to meet you”. Lucifer stares and shakes your hand, “ Oh! Aha.. um what’s your name?”.

~You give him a gentle smile as you spoke, “ Y/n sir, I’m a maid here at your daughter’s wonderful hotel!”. Seeing at the corner of your eye, Charlie smiling at you. Lucifer stares at you smiling at your sweet smile you gave him.

~ “ Oh, um.. it’s wonderful to meet you Y/n” he cooed, as Alastor  silhouette appears between you too. “ Greetings your majesty! It’s a pleasure to meet you! Quite a pleasure!” He grinned, shaking his hand kind roughly as Lucifer’s hat nearly falling off.

~ you flutter your lashes at the notice of Alastor being in between you too. “ Huh? Who are you? Are you the bellhop?” He asked starring at Charlie and back at Alastor, “I’m Alastor the radio demon”. “You must know me from my radio show” Lucifer thinks for a second as he hums.

~”Nope! I guess that’s why you call this place the as “hazbin”hotel! Hahaha!” He laughed as Charlie stares at him, You and both stare at each other in confusion. “ Hahaha! It’s was actually my idea” Alastor spoke back, “Hahaha! Well it’s not very clever!” Lucifer spits back. “Haha! Fuck you..” he growls, as you Charlie both the both of them away.

~ you snap at Alastor, “ Alastor! Please..”. Alastor sighs and fixes his bow tie, “Apologies my dear..” he smiled. Lucifer stares at the both of you, “umm.. are you two a couple?” He asked. You shake your head, “Oh no! We’re just great friends”. You smile as you heard some radio cracking sounds beside you, Lucifer grinned. He twirled around lifting your hand with his cane as he lifts his cane as he quickly gives a peck on your knuckles.

~ You gasp as Charlie mumbles, “dad?”. Y/n gasp as you take your hand back as you rubbed your knuckles against your fingers, the feeling of his lips on my mind. Alastor glares at him as Lucifer gives him a shit grin…

~~~~~

Charlie takes her father around the hotel as you hold behind them alongside Alastor, Alastor being very close to you. Alastor then stops walking as you turn around to see him starring off, “Alastor?” You mumble. “Sorry dear, do you mind handing me your hand?” You nod as you lift up your hand as he holds your hand as he caresses your hand before pecking your knuckles.

~ “ *gasps* A-Alastor?” You yelp as your heart starts to pound, his face still at your hand as looks up to see you. His eyes showing off mischievous intentions, as he spoke.

“No one is going to take what’s mine..”

TBC !!!

Yay!!! I hope you guys like this first part !!! The next part might be more fluff to spicy. Sorry that this is short but I’ll make the next part longer!!! I’m excited for this one shot- AAAAAA.. honestly I can’t even with Alastor and Lucifer. I love them both <3

~Myredrainbow

( ps. I hope you guys like the screenshots I have of my favorite parts XD Alastor tho- 👀 and Lucifer has them lashes (eyelashes) ^^

#hazbin hotel #x reader #x you #x y/n #lucifer #alastor #viziepop #x y/n fluff #fluff #oneshot

[devildomwriter]

OMSWD ep.1: Vore?

You’re all watching a movie when someone gets eaten by a giant beast and that changes things.

Asmodeus and Mammon: *shrieking*

MC: “That’s hot.”

Satan: “Excuse me?”

Everyone is suddenly staring at you, very quietly as if they aren’t sure they heard you correctly.

MC: “What? Beel, you agree with me right?”

Beelzebub: *eating popcorn*

Beelzebub: Hm?

MC: “Joel got eaten.”

Beelzebub: “Oh…yeah…”

Belphegor: “MC thinks it’s hot.”

Beelzebub: “…”

Beelzebub: “…”

Beelzebub: “…I don’t know what to do with that information….”

Mammon: “Yeah, neither do we. The fuck ya mean it’s hot?”

Asmodeus: “Yeah, MC, cause I’m into a lot of stuff and I’m not really sure that scene got me going?”

Raphael: “May I add, I’m mildly concerned?”

Mammon: “Ah shit, I forgot the angels were still here.”

Simeon: “Not Luke thankfully…”

Mephistopheles: “Never expected MC to be the one to bring up such topics.”

Diavolo: “Hahahaha, MC you say the wildest things sometimes. Hahaha.”

Satan: “It might not be wild, we don’t even know what they mean.”

MC: “I mean my loins get hot when I see someone get eaten alive.”

Belphegor: “Oh, it really was that simple.”

Beelzebub: *starts sweating*

Beelzebub: “Is…that not the normal feeling?”

Belphegor: “No, Beel…”

Raphael: *sigh*

Barbatos: *chuckling*

Mammon: “Um? No! It’s not normal what do you mean?!”

Lucifer: “Calm down Mammon, MC is just joking…I think.”

MC: “No, not at all. Like when I was little I always got this funny feeling when it was implied the villain ate someone, like I thought it was cool. Now I realize it’s been an issue since childhood.”

Raphael: “Yes, I think ‘issue’ is the right word.”

Asmodeus: “Okay…maybe I get it? Is it like a power thing? Like you’re turned on they could eat you….or something?”

MC: “No. I like seeing them eaten…alive…remember that one scene in the movie NOPE?”

Asmodeus: “Eek! Ew, no don’t even remind me of it!”

Mammon: “Still get chills thinking about that scene…wasn’t it enough that we heard everyone screamin’?”

MC: “Or that one scene from The Final Prayer—“

Simeon: “Don’t remind me.”

Diavolo: *looking pale* “Is this…your method of choosing what horror movie we watch….by chance?”

Mephistopheles: “Dear Diavolo, that’s why I’ve had to watch so many people get eaten in horror movies? That’s how you find them?”

Thirteen: “Hahaha! MC you’re hilarious.”

Barbatos: “Solomon do you have nothing to say about your own apprentice?”

Solomon: “Well, I was trying to watch the movie but I suppose I’ll join in the conversation.”

Satan: “Solomon, that’s not a normal human thing right?”

Solomon: “Ah…we’ll, I can’t say I run into often…not unless you include cannibals but it’s been a while since I’ve been held hostage by any of them.”

Mammon: “Excuse me?”

MC: “I’m not a cannibal, just clarifying.”

Beelzebub: *looks like a lost puppy*

Beelzebub: “Is it not normal….”

Belphegor: “No, Beel…”

Lucifer: *deep sigh*

Mephistopheles: “Levi, is this one of your weird anime things? What did you expose MC to?”

Leviathan: “Please just leave me out of this.”

Satan: “No, it’s your fault!”

Leviathan: “It’s not my fault!”

Solomon: “The only anime I can think of is maybe Attack on Titan…or Tokyo Ghoul…there was that one eccentric character who liked to eat people—“

MC: “That arena scene was the best wasn’t it?”

Solomon: *sigh*

Lucifer: “So it is your fault.”

Leviathan: “They’d already seen the shows?! That’s one of the ways we bonded! Not my fault!”

MC: “You did tell me about—“

Leviathan: “Shh—shut up! Don’t blame me for your deep-rooted issues!?”

Simeon: “Levi may be right. This must be something psychological—“

MC: “I think Asmo fantasizing about his brothers should be discussed well before my Vore preference.”

Beelzebub: “…Vore.”

Belphegor: “Yes, Beel…”

Raphael: “Asmodeus do you really still fetishize your brothers?”

Asmodeus: “Ooooh, um…maybe? Hehe.”

Mammon: “Don’t ‘hehe’ me, ya nasty little freak!”

Asmodeus: “You’re just jealous!”

Mammon: “Of fuckin’ what?”

Solomon: “I just wanted to watch the movie…”

Thirteen: “Things are just getting good though, shut up!”

Diavolo: “Ahahahahaha!”

Barbatos: *sigh*

MC: “Why are you all so surprised? It’s normal!”

Satan: “It’s definitely not.”

Beelzebub: “…it’s not…really…?”

Belphegor: “No, Beel…”

Mammon: “Dammit MC, your explanation is crap! And did ya really say loins? Are ya an old man?”

Thirteen: “No, but Solomon is, and even he doesn’t say that.”

Solomon: “Now hang on a sec—“

Mephistopheles: “Oh look the credits are playing….”

Diavolo: “Ahahahaha.”

Asmodeus: “Okay, the movie is done distracting us! MC, spill! Where’d your weird fetish come from!?”

MC: “It’s not a fetish!”

Asmodeus: “Oh yes it—“

Mammon: “Raphael, not the spear!”

Belphegor: “Asmo watch out—“

Lucifer: “No you don’t!”

Raphael: “Guh!”

Mammon: “Oh! Nice one!”

Asmodeus and Thirteen: “Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!”

Barbatos: “All right, settle down now.”

Simeon: “Yes, that’s quite enough everyone.”

Asmodeus: *sobbing* “I just wanna hear a fetish origin story…”

Mammon: “I just wanna know what the fuck Vore means!”

Beelzebub: “I don’t get it…”

Belphegor: “We know Beel.”

Mephistopheles: “Well, I should probably go…I suppose I can look forward to another fetish-themed movie next time too?”

MC: “It’s not a fetish? What’s a person gotta do to theoretically enjoy a fellow human being eaten alive and/or whole for their own satisfaction and have no one judge them?”

Mephistopheles: “I don’t think any deal you make with me could be strong enough to reverse a psychological normality.”

MC: “…aww…”

MC: “I didn’t ask any of you anyway, I asked Beel! Beel you understand me right?”

Beelzebub: *nods vigorously*

Solomon: “Oh dear.”

Lucifer: “I’m not sure that’s a good combination…”

Diavolo: “Ahahaha!”

Belphegor: “Of all the things to have in common….”

Thirteen: “Oh I get it! That’s perfect! If someone tries to kill you, you sic Beel on them and get a free show, right?”

You and Beel lock eyes and the room is silent

Barbatos: “…I believe they’ve reached an arrangement.”

MC: “Not if they’re alive though…”

Beelzebub: “Mhmm.”

Raphael: “What am I witnessing?”

Simeon: “It’s best not to question it.”

MC: “Do you grow in size? Like can you swallow someone whole…”

Beelzebub: “I’ve never tried…”

Belphegor: “He can unhinge his jaw like a snake.”

Asmodeus: “No don’t remind me!”

Mammon: “I mean…he has eaten demons before. Does it need to be a human or?”

Lucifer: “Mammon, don’t join in on this!”

Everyone watches for a few minutes as you and Beelzebub get into more specific details of a theoretical situation until it becomes awkward standing there.

Solomon: “So…same time next week?”

Barbatos: “Yes, I’ll prepare the snacks next time.”

Diavolo: “We can watch the next movie at my place.”

Thirteen: “Neat! I’m going home now, those monsters inspired a cool trap idea!”

Raphael: “We should do something about them shouldn’t we…”

Simeon: “Just leave them to their fantasies, MC won’t really hurt anyone and neither will Beel. Isn’t that right Lucifer?”

Lucifer: “Why do I have to deal with this?”

Simeon: “You chose your brothers, and MC, this is entirely on you.”

Lucifer: “Dammit.”

#funny obey me #obey me skit #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me solomon #obey me simeon #obey me raphael #obey me thirteen #obey me mephistopheles #obey me barbatos #obey me diavolo

[libby-for-life]

I had another funny idea

Warning is lucifer is yandere, but for the people who don't like that of things, it is torn down

So heaven called up lucifer for something of eagerness. When lucifer, he was talking to Sera when Adam walked in. And is wearing a swimsuit.

Adam: What you called me down here so fast I couldn't change

Sera: Well, you are lucky this meeting so short let begin

Meanwhile, lucifer is just drooling like a mad dog staring at adam big chest.

Sera: lucifer- LUCIFER

lucifer: oh what- is it hot in here

Sera: What? no- you know what you lucky. I have so. I have something to attend to michael. I will just have to catch you up.

Lucifer: sooooo adam

Michael walked in, and lucifer just stared him down.

Adam whisper help me

Michael: Nope, I like life

Lucifer: soooo how about-

Adam: just shut up

Lucifer: but-

Adam: if I have us go on a date will you let Michael in the room.

Lucifer: fine you have to cuddle me and wear my coat

Adam: no deal

Lucifer: deal

Adam: no deal

Lucifer: no deal

Adam: yes deal

Adam: oh fuck

Lucifer: god, I love how dumb and pretty you are sometimes.

Hahaha! He uses his pretty boy dummy brain all the time to his advantage a lot. To confuse him into accepting what Lucifer wants.

Besides. Only Lucifer can see his angel like that. And now, with Michael and Sera gone, he can have him all to himself.

#hazbin hotel #adamsapple #yandere lucifer #hazbin hotel adam #hazbin hotel lucifer #send asks

[incorrectcreepypastafam]

Creepypasta As Hazbin Hotel

Ben: so what do you think

Jeff: I’m sorry what the fuck was that

Helen: we’re not filming a porn as a commercial

Puppeteer: why not

Nina: I like being forced

Jeff: keep that to yourself, Nina

Nina: Puppeteer sir

Puppeteer: call me dickmaster

Nina: Puppeteer.

Nina: it’s a solution to our biggest problem

Jeff: oh yeah herpes that’s a bitch

Nina: no our other biggest problem

Jeff: oh uh ugly people?

Jeff: math?

Jane: face my wrath

Jeff: who are you

Jane: I attacked you literally last week

Jeff: ?

Jane: we’ve done battle like twenty times

Jeff: well you must’ve been really bad at this

Liu: oh god, here I go, Jeff. just another fucking day with Jeff. hey hey hey fuck my life

Liu: looks like you have everything under control here

Lyra: of course I do, fuck you, now shoo, go take care of the piss baby

Liu: so you should…?

Jeff: do nothing?

Liu: great idea!!

Toby: you still pissed he almost beat you that time?

Jeff: uh fuck you

Toby: just saying

Sally: *gasp* the bad boy is back

Sally: never leave me again

Brian: we’re about 80% sure she’s harmless

Jeff: this is stupid

Lyra: this is not stupid!

Lyra: it’s just the GAMEEEEE

Lyra: Liu did it well so please try to do the same!

Jeff: I’m too sober for this

Jeff: I’m looking forward to stabbing the other residents

Slenderman: WHAT WHY

Slenderman: people are being nice because they want you to feel welcome

Jeff: *middle finger*

Liu: *middle finger*

Toby: *laughs evilly*

Nina: I have my doubts

Tim: Puppeteer’s minions are all over the place and I need you to get rid of them

Jeff: oh well in that case I’d be delighted to

Tim: humanely

Jeff: well that’s a lot less fun

Jeff: this time everyone has to catch him, okay? Unless you want me to hurt you

Jeff: I love to suck-

Tim: I swear to fuck if you say dicks

Jeff: popsicles, you sicko! Get your mind outta the gutter

Jeff: but you know, dicks too

Sally: sometimes I kill mother bugs in front of their children as a warning to others

Jeff: NINA?!

Clockwork: uh my name’s Clocky

Jeff: no one gives a shit

Jeff: call me fake one more time, motherfucker

Jeff: i dare you

Toby: fake

Jeff: fucking asshole- *hits his head on roof*

Toby: you done?

Liu: Lyra, sweetie, you uh you good?

Lyra: nope no not really!

Sally: maybe it’s time

Lazari: no

Sally: to ask

Lazari: don’t say it

Sally: your dad

Lazari: UGHHHHHH

Lyra: wait that’s it

Jeff: kill everyone?

Lyra: noooooo

EJ: what’s the hold up?

EJ: you got daddy issues?

Lulu: no we’ve just never been close

Lulu: after Mom died he never really wanted to see me

Lulu: he calls sometimes but only if he’s bored or needs me to do something

EJ: daddy issues

Brian: this is the first time she’s called you in years

Brian: this has to be perfect

Brian, picking up the phone: HEYYYY BITCH

Jeff: you may have heard of me from my radio broadcast

Tim: hmmm NOPE I guess that’s why Toby called it the Hazbin Hotel hahaha

Jeff: hahaha it was actually my idea

Tim: hahaha well it’s not very clever

Jeff: haha fuck you

Toby: OKAY

Brian: you like girls! so do I! We have so much in common

Clockwork: how you been?

Jeff: good! Until five minutes ago

Sadie: hey Sally what you been up to, girlie?

Sally: fighting bugs

Sadie: and how’s that going for you

Sally: they’re winning

Sally: but not for long

Lulu: how come he can have faith in me but my own father can’t?

Jeff: oooooh drama *pulls out popcorn*

Slenderman: hi

Slenderman: Slenderman

Slenderman: that’s my wall that you just blew up

Jeff: don’t fucking shush me bitch

Sadie: I need a break but hug a koala for me

Nina: omg can you imagine an actual KOALA

Jeff: anyway you sure fucked up didn’t you

Jeff: oh Lyra, you look an absolute mess

Sadie: I won’t hurt anyone for you

Jeff: who’s asking?!

Ben: Jeff and Toby just left like they were running away from their responsibilities

Ben: should we be alarmed?

Helen: are you fucking high?

Lulu: oh I’m just kidding

Lulu: I know you’re an ace in the hole

Ann: a what now?

Sally: I named all the stains on the carpet

Sally: that one’s Fred

Liu: look I can’t resist a fight okay

Liu, about Jeff: especially when I get to tag team with this fuckhead

Lyra: live tonight however you want because-

Toby: we’re all gonna die!

Dina: alright let’s give it up for not dying!

Dina: love not dying!

Dina: … drinks?

Jeff: I mean personally I’m excited it’s been a long time since I stabbed someone and really meant it you know what I mean

Lazari: I dub thee king roach

EJ: oh to understand your twisted little mind

Jeff: anyway I guess

Jeff: please don’t die tomorrow

Jeff: okay bye

Lyra: rip Jane’s cunt mouth out her ass

Jeff: would you just- chill, Lyra, fuck

Zero: they appear to have some kind of shield sir

Puppeteer: oh really? I didn’t see this giant fucking shield in front of me YOU DUMB BITCH NO SHIT

Jeff: I’m about to end your fucking life

Puppeteer: fuck you, you red piece of- too much fucking red- fuck shut up

Ben: hahaha poetry

Jeff: what just happened? Ffffuck

Toby: these fucking angels won’t stop coming

Jeff: HA

Toby: okay I walked right into that one

Jane: Before I take your life I’m going to tear that other eye out of your face

Clockwork: try it bitch

Jeff, to Jane: live

Jeff: live knowing that you only do because I let you

Slenderman: see you messed with my daughter so now I am going to FUCK you

Zalgo: …

Clockwork & Lyra: …

Jeff: 😏

LJ: well this just got interesting

Sally: it’s fuck you up, Dad

Slenderman: wait what did I say?

Liu: how’s mercy taste, you little bitch

Slenderman: take your little friends and GO HOME

Slenderman: please

Puppeteer: I’m The Puppeteer

Helen: and I’m-

Puppeteer: nobody gives a shit who you are, Helen

Zero: anyway congrats to Slenderman and his crew for not being totally fucking useless for once

#not me using literally everyone from my headcanons in this #creepypasta #creepypasta incorrect quotes #ben drowned #jeff the killer #tim wright #masky #nina the killer #the puppeteer #jane the killer #homicidal liu #luring lyra #ticci toby #sally creepypasta #brian thomas #hoodie #slenderman #creepypasta clockwork #lazari creepypasta #eyeless jack #lulu creepypasta #suicide sadie #bloody painter #nurse ann #judge angels #zero creepypasta #zalgo #zalgo creepypasta #laughing jack #lyra rogers