People always say Shadow's backstory is sad, but I don't think I've ever heard anyone talk about it in depth.
Maria wasn't just Shadow's only friend. She had a fatal illness that couldn't be cured by any natural means, so her grandfather resorted to experimentation to find a cure. Eventually, Shadow was created, whose immortality was meant to be the key to Maria's recovery.
He was created to save her.
But she was killed because she tried to save Shadow from G.U.N. after he was deemed "too dangerous" by the organization to live. Think about that from Shadow's perspective. His only friend, killed because he was created to be a living weapon. Because he was friends with her, and she wanted to save him from G.U.N.
In his mind, Shadow is the reason why his only friend, his purpose, is gone.
After that, all he had left was the second reason for his creation. His status as a living weapon.
What do you think it's like to have only two purposes, one of which is Maria, and the other is why she's gone?
What's left for you at that point but to destroy everything, just like your creator intended?
Shadow blames humanity for Maria's death- it's another part of why he tried to destroy the world- but above all else, he blames himself.
In the end, Shadow is a broken man.
He believes himself to be unable to form connections with anyone; the last time he did, she was killed. He doesn't want to lose another friend, but he's also afraid he'll be the cause if it happens again. He knows he is built to destroy, and he's resigned himself to that purpose. It's all he has left after Maria died.
The reality of it is, Shadow hates himself.
And he has yet to let anyone close enough to help him. He runs away from friendship and teamwork both to protect himself and others from losing another person. He can't let anyone else die because he can't handle the guilt he already feels from the last time it happened.
That... has to be the worst feeling imaginable.
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I've realised that the thing I love most about the new popular queer media (and for this I'll use as an example wwdits, good omens and ofmd), is the fact that the difficulties these characters are dealing with aren't connected to their sexuality. The problems don't stem from their queer sexuality. They are not being punished for being queer.
Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship isn't forbidden because they aren't a cishet couple. It's forbidden because they are both victims of an opressive and unjust system (heaven) who's afraid of their combined power which is a direct result of their love for one another.
Guillermo and Nandor's relationship is so nuanced and complicated. There's lots of things to unpack that have been piled up for more than a decade, but again their queer sexualities aren't the problem. Same goes for the rest of the vampires, who are also queer.
Sure, in Stede's case he has to deal with queer trauma, toxic masculinity and the realisation that he's gay, and therefore doesn't conform to the ideal archetype of the straight, masculine man with the heterosexual family. But after realising that and coming out to Mary, the show isn't really about ‘oh, look how difficult it is to be queer, poor guys'. Like Con O'Neil said in a panel, the obstacle here isn't that we have two men who are in love. The difficult thing is to let yourself be in love and become vulnerable.
Both Stede and Ed are dealing with their own trauma, which has affected how they see themselves and by extension their relationships with other people. They are dealing with self doubt, even self loathing, and the belief that they aren't good enough or that they don't deserve love. However, none of that is because they are queer. Being queer sure isn't easy (especially then) but it's not the source of their pain and I fucking love that.
I'm all about the exploration of sexuality, dealing with internalised homophobia and transphobia, coming out etc, and that's why we have series like Heartstopper. But it's still so fucking refreshing to see queerness not being depicted as a ‘big deal’, but rather one of the many aspects of one's self.
That being said, I love being queer and fucking love my insane little queer characters.
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thinking about how my oc and shadow milk cookie (before his fall) would first end up meeting.
this ended up turning out as a small fic??? Oh! And shadow milk cookie will be called light milk cookie in this :)
Also here's how I see Shadow Milk Cookie's design! Follow this artist, I'm begging ya'll 🙏💖
Clam Cookie fell sick to a mysterious illness in her early adult years. Her parents called for the best doctors/healers near them, but no one could figure out a cure. Both being desperate, not wanting their only beloved daughter to die, eventually sought the help of one of the five great cookies, the virtue of knowledge, Light Milk Cookie.
Light Milk Cookie agreed to find a cure, feeling compassion for her parents and for her. Sadly, with how far away his kingdom was from her home, he had to take her with him. So, with hushed goodbyes and tears in their eyes, the two parents watched as the carriage carried their daughter to a faraway kingdom.
And so, the great hero worked day and night to find a cure for the young lady. Thanks to her parents, he found out about the herbs and medicines the other doctors had tried on using. With this information, he would mix or replace specific ingredients for each medicine he would make. One particular medicine he made ended up showing some effect, but it still wasn't enough to cure her fully.
Then he had an idea. An absolute ambitious idea.
Perhaps, with some of his soul jam's essence and a mixture of the medicine, perhaps that could be the cure to her illness? Wasting no time, he hurried on making the new version. Once finished and given to her, he waited to see any changes.
As days went by, signs of the medicine healing her gained his attention. The new version was fully curing her! Relief and fatigue filled his entire body. He had gone a few nights and days without sleeping. At last, all his hard work had come to fruition.
Opening her eyes for the first time, Clam Cookie weakly sat up from bed. Groaning at the uncomfortable feeling of her dry throat, she looked around and noticed a glass of water on the desk next to her. Quickly taking it and gulping the refreshing liquid down, she took in her surroundings.
The colors of purple, blue, and white filled the room she was in. Shelves filled to the brim with books, tapestries dedicated to five certain cookies hung on the walls, and the desk near her had a few scrolls laying upon it.
She jumped at the sound of the door opening. She felt her heart race and her face turning warm as the most beautiful cookie she's ever seen in her life walked into the room. His entire look screamed of a sophisticated scholar. However, she knew he was far more than that as she took in more of his features. What took her attention the most was his hair. It flowed constantly, like that of an endless stream.
Next were his eyes. The dark bags underneath them from the lack of sleep were noticeable to her, but even so, they shined like that of two beautiful sapphires being held up in the sunlight.
Light Milk Cookie stood frozen in place. The look of surprise was written all over his face. This was the first time he had seen her eyes, and by the witches, they were absolutely mesmerizing!
Her eyes were the darkest blue, like that of the deep blue ocean. Her long, unkempt hair, which hung loosely behind her back in waves, only made her even more beautiful.
Both were at a loss of words. Neither one of them was able to speak as they studied each other. Clearing her throat, she finally spoke, "W-who are you? Where am I?" Snapping out of his trance, Light Milk Cookie gave her a gentle smile before closing the door.
"Please, have no fear, Clam Cookie. I only came in to check on you." He proceeded to walk closer to her, but stopped once he noticed her flinch. He raised up both his hands, signaling to her that he meant no harm.
"I only want to check if you still have a fever," he spoke softly at her. His tone easily taking away any tension she may have had of him.
"You've been sick for many weeks. This is the first time I've seen you fully awake." Now standing next to her, he gently placed a cool hand on her forehead. He paid no mind to her gasp, only taking note of her fever no longer there.
Humming in approval, he took his hand off and stepped back. With a wave of his hand, he summoned a scroll and a feathered quill pen, jotting down notes of her improved condition.
Clam Cookie looked at the display of magic in awe, her eyes shining as she watched the handsome scholar write.
"I will have to inform your parents about this, but you'll have to stay with me for just a few more days. I need to make sure the symptoms don't return." Looking back at her, he covered his mouth, chuckling at her reaction.
"I'm going to assume you've never seen magic before, yes?"
Clam Cookie shook her head, confirming his question. "I-I've only heard tales and stories of cookies being able to wield magic. I knew they were true, but to actually see it happen in front of me…" Light Milk Cookie couldn't help but blush as her eyes sparkled up at him with absolute admiration.
".. It's absolutely breathtaking."
One would assume her words were aimed directly at his display of magic, but with the way she gazed at him with those eyes, he knew those words were meant for him.
Clearing his throat, he set the scroll and quill down on the desk before turning his attention back to her. He gave her a bow, surprising her from the action.
"Forgive me, Clam Cookie. I haven't fully introduced myself. My name is Light Milk Cookie." he raised his head, gracing her with a charming smile that made her heart skip a beat.
"Though, you may also know me as one of the Five Great Heroes. The Virtue of Knowledge himself."
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