#but then i saw her! a trans woman! and immediately needed to be friends

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

I haven't talked to a friend in a few months but I want to, so I just texted a picture of my dog in hopes that that will start a conversation. Cuz I miss her but don't know how to start conversations.

#i made this friend during one of the worst weeks of my life #it was a terrible training week for summer camp #i was surrounded by strangers and closeted and didnt know anything #long story #but then i saw her! a trans woman! and immediately needed to be friends #and we immediately hit it off #she's cool as fuck and i love her so much #no i dont know her last name or where she lives. why is that relevant. i still love her #i am reallybad at remembering people exist if i dont see them on a regular basis #sometimes i forget my best friend of six years exists if we havent talked in a few days #so the fact that i remembered her and got up the energy to text her means a lot #i am so tired #my puppy is sick to his tummy. and he wakes me up ever hour or two to make it my problem #and i have an ear infection that's causing immense immeasurable pain. so its hard to fall asleep through that #thats not really relevant but i thought id bring it up anyway #i ate a really good lemon bar today #i hope you all have a wonderful day and eat a delicious baked good of your choice

[projectmoon-smash-or-pass]

propaganda:

✅ "Its been a long week Ishmael... Pass the Yuri"

✅️ "the one of the most infamous names in the entire project moon fandom is solely defined by how much he simps for ishmael. there is absolutely no escape. i got my friend into limbus because of how hot ishmael was and it because the profile of his private twitter account. there is absolutely no debate. i would let her slam me into a fishing pond, hit me over the head with a glass bottle, throw me against a chair, ANYTHING"

✅️ "i downloaded limbus because i saw her molar boatworks id + immediately had a HUGE yuri moment. i needed her in my life. i want to bury myself in her hairrr. i want to fuck her. i want her to fuck meeeeee !!!!!"

✅️ (image below)

✅️ "im just saying that when liu ishmael dropped the entirety of limbus twitter and a few outliers went batshit over her voice"

❌ "too much hair :("

✅️ "Ok like. She worked with the pequod for quite some time, she's gotta be pretty muscled and scarred(Obvious plus). Plus it'd give experience and knowledge tying knots(as if Roseate Desires wasn't enough bondage fuel for Ishmael). Also very frequently headcanoned as trans so imagine if you will, ginger trans sailor woman who could tie you up so perfectly and rail you even better. 120% smash

(Though if I'm being perfectly honest I am horribly biased. Ishmael made me trans my gender and realize I liked women. I'm getting a tattoo of her sinner icon in like a week. I'm cosplaying her in a few months. So take my words with a hefty grain of salt)"

✅️ "counterpoint to the too much hair ishmael propoganda, first of all, how dare you, and second, her hair is half the appeal. you can play with it. i bet its so soft. you can bury your face in it. also, it's beautiful. ishmael <3"

✅️ "to quote a tweet i saw "im gonna suck her dick until she’s groaning like a beached whale" (they wrote it for captain ishmael but shush)"

✅️ "i thought her sloshing id was "sploshing" instead and i got so wet i made a new ocean"

#limbus company #lcb #ishmael

[cissyenthusiast010155]

Hi i’m not sure if u write male reader and its okay if not but i was wondering if you could write one where m!student reader and platonic lesso like he’s making a song in a music room and its something like ‘boys don’t cry or boys will be bugs and lesso hears and he breaks down or smt and fluff but again its totally fine if not x

Hiiiii anon! Thank you for your request!! I wont write AMAB!Male, but I will write AFAB!Male. Hope you Enjoy ♥️

Can’t Pretend It Doesn’t Bother Me ~Soft!Leonora Lesso xAFAB Trans!Male!Reader

Mommy… Masterlist

Requests & Prompt-List

Warnings: age gap (All legal), angst, fluffy fluff, implied anxiety, implied anxiety attack, crying, comforting, hugging, physical comforting, etc.

Enjoy (:

You had found yourself in the music room. And you had sat down in defeat next to a harp.

Before you knew it, your hands were stringing the instrument and making beautiful sounds. Along with those beautiful notes, came your voice, getting more and more hoarse.

I’m a dumb teen boy

I eat sticks and rocks and mud

I don’t care about the government

The words and notes just flowed together. And so did your tears. More and more, the waterworks flowed down your face.

And I really need a hug

I feel stupid (stupid), ugly (ugly)

Pretend it doesn’t bother me

~~~

Lesso was walking down the corridor, after reprimanding one of her more rebellious students. Her cane halted as she heard a faint melody coming from the music room.

I’m not very strong, but I’ll fuck you up if you’re mean to bugs

She could hear the harp being played and a choked voice singing along with the notes being played.

It’s getting cold down here underneath the weather

I skipped class to sit with you

I really like your sporty sweater

If ladybugs are girls How do you make kids together?

What’s it like in a female world?

I bet it’s just so much—

~~~

You heard the door creak open, and you immediately stopped playing. You frantically wiped the many many tears away from your face. But you couldn’t make the tears stop.

You looked up and saw the one and only dean of evil, Lady Lesso, standing across the music room. You gulped. She stared at you, not saying a word.

“I’m sorry… I’ll go…” you muttered.

“No!” Lesso exclaimed.

You looked up puzzled and a little afraid.

Lesso relaxed her face and spoke softer, “Please, continue.”

You gulped and nodded, moving your hands back to the instrument. You began to pluck the notes once more and accompany the melody with your hoarse voice.

I just turned 14

And I think this year I’m gonna be mean

Don’t mess with me, I’m a big boy now, and I’m very scary

I punch my walls, stay out at night, and I do karate

Don’t message me ‘cause I won’t reply, I wanna make you cry

Ain’t that how it’s s’posed to be?

Though it… it isn’t me…

B-Boys will… be b-bugs… right…?

By the last few lines, you and your voice was falling apart. Your hands dropped from the harp and your head fell in your hands as you sobbed.

~~~

Lesso froze for a minute as you combusted in the music chair in which you were sitting. Her instincts were conflicted…

On one hand, she had the urge to smack you and tell you to get it together.

On the other hand, her heart cracked at your position, and she wanted to come over and comfort you forever.

Lesso knew that you had troubles. Troubles with friends. Trouble at home. Troubles mentally. Knowing this only made the redhead feel for you even more.

She cautiously approached the crying student in front of her, stretching her arm out to rub your back lightly.

You jumped slightly as you felt the deans hand on your back. But you were quick to get used to the touch, and you even leaned in for more. You whimpered slightly as her hand eventually retracted. But then you saw that the woman was getting a chair and pulling it up next your yours.

Lesso sat down next to you and put her hand on your back once more. Her touch seemed to relax you, she noted.

“Take deep breaths.” She instructed.

The red head hummed in satisfaction when her instructions were followed. She placed her other hand on your outer thigh, rubbing circle patterns on it. She noticed that you were getting your breathing under better control.

“Thank you…” you hesitantly whispered.

You half expected the dean to just leave as you uttered those words, but she didn’t.

“Anytime, sweet boy.” The woman comforted.

Her hand then moved from your thigh to your chin, and it swiveled your head to meet her gaze.

“It’s okay to cry, you know that right?”

Your lip quivered and you nodded shakily, before more tears erupted. You instinctually put your head into the deans shoulder.

Lesso hummed as your head found comfort in her shoulder.

“But don’t you ever tell anyone I told you that…” she teasingly warned, causing you to chuckle lightly.

~~~

Lady Lesso Masterlist

#AFAB!trans!male!reader #Leonora Lesso fluff #Lady Lesso fluff #lesso fluff #lady lesso angst #lesso Angst #Leonora Lesso Angst #leonora lesso #lesso x reader #leonora lesso x reader #Leonora Lesso x female reader #lady lesso #lady lesso x reader #dean of evil #dean of evil x reader #tsfgae #tsfgae x reader #tsfgae movie #tsfgae fluff #the school for good and evil #school for good and evil #school for good and evil fluff #the school for good and evil fluff #school for good and evil fanfic #the school for good and evil fanfic #charlize theron #afab reader #trans reader #trans!reader #afab!reader

[our-transgender-experiences]

Hello everybody! (CW: LGBTQ-phobia is mentioned)

I only wanted to know whether I'm real transgender or transTRENDER... Let me explain now. Sorry for being so long, but it's my most honest confession.

I was a stupid boy ("girl") till I was 8 and never realized I was not cishet 'cause my parents "censored" everything connected to LGBTQ+ and "unobtrusively" convinced me that I was a straight girl (tbh, politics and sex were also forbidden topics in our house; interestingly enough, my family ain't religious, all of them are atheists). I didn't even have a thought that a boy could like boys and "a woman may want to be called a man." I gave no thought that I might not be what my parents want me to be: a straight girl who loves her husband and has children.

I only learned the word "lesbian" when my aunt accidently said it (I was 8 y. o.), and after I asked my dad the meaning of this word. He got absolutely furious and only said, quoting, "These are mentally ill girls who need to be rap... ahem, who need to have s*x with men." So, like, you know now how it was in my family.

I "had" a "crush" on my best friend when I was 9-10. It was totally made up by me because EVERYONE (our parents, friends, classmates, and even teachers) would ship us, not even listening to our "no." My dad was absolutely happy that I "have found a future husband, like every normal girl," and I just felt disconnected from this. Not only with the "found a future husband" part but also with "every normal girl" part, too. Nonetheless, I suppressed every thought like this.

I only got internet access when I was 10-11 y.o. I was getting into puberty and hated my chest: I couldn't find a reason to explain this to my parents, who knew about me disliking my growing breasts. Subconsciously, I wanted to be like my the most favorite guitarist (he's a man) from the band of my childhood. I couldn't understand what was wrong with me and why I couldn't be like him. But I quickly thought it was because of my chest and was actually right.

The first time I saw the word "transgender" was when I turned 12. I learned about the pronouns and felt a strong connection to she/they and he/they set. I tried using "he/they," but I stopped in a day due to the simple fact that it felt unusual. I immediately banned myself from thinking of this, putting a limit: I can only be an ally. The problem was that I never had any strong position because my parents were constantly brainwashing me. So, I have seen some posts about radical feminism... and sooner became a TERF.

Honestly, radical feminism helped to accept my aroaceness, but it's the only good thing it has done to me. I started hating men simply because they were men, and I also started wishing death on all trans people for "supporting gender stereotypes." I had no reason for this: I was just brainwashed by TERFs when I was 13. I didn't support the whole feminism: I only hated trans people because... why? (P. S. I still hate myself for this period of life) TERFs forced me to think I am proud to be a girl, even though I MYSELF (!) never believed in it. Also, it is worth saying that being radfem was actually quite popular (if I can say it) in my country in 2020-2021 / 2022 (maybe it's still popular now, idk), so many girls were (or are) into that.

Deep down, when I looked through the photos of my favorite guitarist and thought he was handsome... and I felt jealous since I'm not like him, but I quickly restricted myself from thinking of this. I didn't know it was gender envy.

When I was turning 14, my ex-friend helped me to realize I had masculine features. And then I realized I was a guy with he/they pronouns (I go by he/him now). And I felt... relieved? It’s as if my life has acquired colors that weren’t there before this moment. I had no idea what my name was... My deadname always seemed to me so usual, but not mine, and my inner boy was almost killed with TERF's f*cking ideology. I googled some boy names and... I found an amazing one, which was the best for me (even if it wasn't typical for my country).

I went to the psychologist (who turned out to be an impostor and did not have a diploma). She said I was the girliest girl she had ever seen, and I'm faking it.

I have changed SO many labels, trying to find the most suitable one, but now I just label myself transgender man and don't give a damn. I have two names now: the one I have chosen when I was 14 and the most recent one when I realized nobody's gonna call me by my first chosen name. Both feel nice for me, and I'm even thinking of getting the other two (I'm fascinated by Janick, Dariusz, and Friedrich, honestly, but I believe 5 names will be too much for me). The guitarist I adore is still my gender envy. 🤣

I WANT to look like a man and transition... but I always think I'm not trans enough. I nearly killed my real self, letting my parents and TERFs decide who I am. What if I'm not trans and just faking it? What if the internet has brainwashed me, and I'm not real trans? I don't wanna be a "typical masculine man" or a "typical feminine woman," I wanna be myself. And my real me is dead. What if I'm just a gendervoid and can turn into everything: girl, boy, nonbinary, bigender, etc? What if I have lost in my dreams and I'm a girl? What if I'm just a transtrender?

Sorry for being so long. Thanks for reading. Sorry for taking your time.

you are 'trans enough', and even if you decide your not later, thats fine. you can be whoever you want, forever. i'm happy that you figured it out, despite terfs and parents.

also, you dont need to apologise for sending something, its what this blog is for!

#transgender

[via-rant]

Obrumbratio Scintillae

Chapter 5 -

Leo stormed out of the tent, Nico following close behind.

"Leo, what's wrong?"

"We're watching our leader turn against us, that's what!"

"They hurt you. You passed out. He's protecting us."

" 'Protecting us'?! What?! Like Agnus?!" Leo yelled and Nico glared. Agnus is a guy they trusted. They became friends and he used them, framed them for drug use.

"That's different." Nico said, sounding like he was going to cry.

"Oh, it's different! It's always different!" Leo yelled and Nico glared harder. He didn't know what that meant but he could tell he heard it a lot. Maybe he said it a lot. And he did. He's trusted over and over and over and they all ended up with him heartbroken. And he had that same feeling with Luke now. He's not ignoring it again.

"We can. Trust him." Leo had smoke coming from his arms but neither noticed.

"No! You can trust him! How am I supposed to trust a guy who used kids?! Percy deserved it but other ones?!"

"He saved my life! He just saved yours!"

"He probably only did it because he felt like he needed to!"

"He's been taking care of us!"

"Just like everyone else here! You think we're special?!"

"Woah woah woah boys!" Faith said running to them. She didn't hear anything they said except the last few sentences. And she saw the smoke coming from Leo. His arms, legs, hair. She heard commotion over here with swords and came over as fast as she could when she heard them arguing. She took a breath.

"Nico? Why don't you go see Luke? I need to talk with Leo." Nico stormed off to the tent wiping his tears and kicking rocks on the way. Faith looked back at Leo and sat in front of him.

"What?" He asked holding back tears. She pat the spot in front of her and he rolled his eyes but did what she said in an angrier way, knees to his chest, picking at the grass next to him.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Bullshit."

"Nothing!" He yelled and she sat quietly in concern. She waited until he was calmed down just a bit. The smoke clearing with each piece of grass he ripped out of the ground.

"You know I'd never hurt you. Right? You can talk to me." She said and it was a few seconds before Leo sighed.

"I met dad." He said and Faiths eyes widened.

"Oh! When?"

"In my dream." She smiled.

"Was I right?" And he laughed.

"Yeah you were right. It's 'Hephy'." He used finger quotes and frowned, wiping his tears and she frowned with him. She debated asking about the smoke but decided against it. Focus on helping him relax.

"What happened?"

"He watched. My entire life he watched and did nothing." He hugged his legs tighter. "And now Luke is leaving and you guys saw the smoke and I might have just ruined mine and Nicos friendship."

"No. No. You guys had an arguement. That happens sometimes. Friends have arguements. You just need to apologize and make up for it." She assured and he wiped his tears. Then she thought about the other things.

"And the smoke?"

"I... I don't have any control over it. If I get too worked up about anything it just comes out and I hate it. I always end up hurting someone."

"So you just... don't use it?"

"What if I lose control again?"

"Leo, it's better to use it more. The more you use it, the more practice you have with it. Learn to control it so you don't hurt the good people when you do use it."

"How?"

"I don't have any experience with powers but I can try."

"Maybe look in your archives and books. Boring, boring books."

"You read books."

"Fantasy books, ma'am. With action and adventure. Not text books." He said and she rolled her eyes with a smile. Especially at ma'am. Being Trans was really hard here. People respected her but only when they knew it was her. Anyone who didn't know her just immediately thought she was a guy. Short hair (all the woman had to cut their hair short due to the lack of supplies they had) taller, more muscular than a woman. She didn't have any satisfaction of any HRT or surgeries due to her family kicking her out as soon as she said those words, so her voice sounded "manly" too. When she told Luke he gave her immense support and loved her very much. She cried that night.

She shook her head knowing she was getting off topic. Then thought about Luke. About what Leo said about him.

"One more thing Leo." She asked and he

"What do you mean by Luke is leaving?" He told her what happened since he woke up and she stared in heartbreak. "I'll uh... I'll talk to him and we can come up with something." She said when he finished explaining.

"But, for now, why don't you go to bed? It's late and we're all tired. We'll talk in the morning okay?" She asked and he nodded before hugging her. Which surprised her. He didn't let anyone else but Nico touch him unless they needed to. He trusted her. She smiled and hugged back. They lasted for about a minute before he left for bed and she walked to the tent.

---------

Nico went back to the tent trying to calm himself down but the tears just kept coming. He closed his eyes and imagined he was with Bianca. Maybe at a beach.

"Nico?" Luke asked in concern. No. He was with Luke. "What happened?" He asked and Nico hugged him for comfort. He did that a lot. Luke or Leo or Faith whoever is closest to him. He just asks for comfort and they gladly give it to him. Luke hugged back and started rubbing his head.

"Me and Leo had a fight."

"About what?"

"He doesn't trust you. I just don't get it. You saved us. And you're trying to protect us, why doesn't he get that?!" He started shaking and his breathing was getting faster and he couldn't stop crying.

"Nico? Nico, it's okay. I'm right here. Breathe. In... and out. In... and out." He followed his instructions and was sitting next to him, leaning his head on his arm in a few minutes. He was too small to reach his shoulder. Kronos groaned in his head and mumbled cursesat Luke.

"Nico, he doesn't have to trust me. He can do whatever he wants."

"I know I just..."

"You want us to be friends?"

"Yeah..." Luke loved how sweet he was. No matter what shit the others said about them they always proved them wrong. Another reason to leave.

"Nico, you can't change peoples minds about some things. You can't force him to trust me. And honestly I don't blame him. I wouldn't if I learned someone I loved hurt other people before. What stops them from doing it again? Besides when I go back to Camp they'll probably kick my butt. And guess what? I deserve it. Immensly." He said sadly and looked at Percy. Nico was half asleep on him. He had a long day today with the worrying and the arguing and the panic attack. So Luke took this time to talk to Percy.

"I'm really sorry. I don't think I can convince you guys to trust me again, I just... I want you to know that I..."

Don't say it.

"I was... wrong." Percy was about to say something when someone walked into the tent and they looked over. Faith looked at Luke with a weird expression. She looked hurt.

"We need to talk."

--------

I know you guys have been waiting I am working on it don't worry!! Also yes, Faith is Trans! We don't have enough Trans girls and I want to show my appreciation for them! They're all gorgeous and smart and funny and I love you all!! Here you guys go!!

@moa-broke-me @yonemurishiroku @pjo-hoo-toa-freakazoid @potatoman-taterdude @the-demigod-slytherclaw @im-always-lost-in-a-book @stillcarmine @art-randomness @cryptic-ember

#obrumbratio scintillae #leo valdez #nico di angelo #luke castellan #faith port #valdangelo #percy jackson #trans oc #original character #I feel like I did something wrong

[cishetlessfashion]

Dude I really need to get off twitter, someone made a post that was basically just ‘Young lgbt people should spend time with older lgbt people because they have insight that might be valuable to you’, and everyone is reacting to it by saying it’s promoting grooming and pedophilia, like they saw ‘older lgbt people with younger friends’ and immediately thought of pedophiles with no self awareness at all, when the op didn’t even mention minors at all Then these people are also turning around and saying older lgbt people aren’t progressive enough to spend time with, when they, the apparently more progressive generation, just parroted decades old conservative propaganda two seconds ago Like holy shit you people contribute absolutely nothing to the community, you should unironically have your vocal cords removed and be permanently banned from the internet, I’m not kidding, you sound exactly like the terfs who tell me my 50 year old trans woman best friend is grooming me, just bc she’s not in her 20′s, eat shit and get out of my sight fr the world would be a better place without you

#vent #sorry but holy shit its infuriating

[mxssingmemories]

Not a Girl.

Pairing: Tom Holland x teen trans male reader

Summary: Y/N is trans male, and after a fight with his mom, he goes straight to the person who knows him the best-Tom. They've been best friends for years, and Tom's happy to help his favorite person however he can.

Warnings: Transphobia, dyphoria, hurt/comfort, lots of love from Tom.

Word Count: 1,000 ish!

A/N: this is kind of a vent fic, and I'm sending love to everyone who's ever gone through this. So much love for y'all <3

The familiar feeling washed over you as you heard your mother talking to your grandmother. they were in the middle of an argument again-to you, it seemed like they'd been arguing every single day. Your grandmother was a very religious woman, and your mother just..couldn't accept the fact that you were trans. This was not news to you-your mother had supported you during your early transition, but her support had wavered and eventually almost died out.

You didn't mean to, but you ended up accidentally overhearing part of the conversation.

"Jesus, I mean you never fucking know with Y/N! She- I mean he- God, I don't even know what to call her anymore!"

At this comment, your eyes filled with tears. You chose to ignore the rest off the conversation, throwing on a jacket and tank top over your binder and putting your shoes on. You flung open your door, barely bothering to say bye to your mother.

"Where are you going?"

"Out." You said, walking out the door and slamming it behind you, starting up the car. It was cold for an Autumn day, so you turned the heater on full blast, locked the doors, and let yourself cry. All the thoughts about you not really being trans, not being good enough, wanting to be a "real man" came at you like a hurricane, overwhelming the hell out of you.

It wasn't fair. You were pretty sure of who you are, hell, you've been out for almost two years! Sure, you didn't really present all that masculine but you knew in your heart you weren't a girl. Every time you looked at your bare chest, you felt nothing for it-you didn't feel attached to them at all, and never once have you imagined yourself without a flat chest. You hated the way your voice sounded. You hated almost everything about yourself, especially the "feminine" traits your mom constantly said she saw in you. Normally you would confront your mom about this. Today, though, it was just too much-and for once, you let it be.

Through your tears, you let your brain run on memory to take you where you needed to go. You ended up at Tom's cozy cabin in the woods-the place where the two of you would hang out the most often. You were there so much he even had your own room, the "Tom Holland best friend special", in his words. It had started pouring rain in the time you got there, just getting out of the car had you soaked.

When Tom heard the frantic knock on the door, he opened it with a smile on his face. That smile quickly vanished when he saw his best friend soaked and with tears running down his face, he quickly ushered you inside.

"Hey, hey, easy there. Why don't we get you a pair of dry clothes, yeah?" He sat you down gently on the soft brown couch, Tessa immediately jumping up on you and letting you hold onto her for dear life. The minute Tom disappeared, your sobs got louder, Tessa's concerned eyes finding your face and licking it. You buried your face in her fur, waiting for your bestfriend to come back anxiously.

Tom emerged from the stairs about a minute later, clean clothes in hand.

"Where do you wanna change, bug?" he asked you, voice softer than usual.

"Here's fine.."

"Alright, I'm gonna go into the kitchen and make us some hot chocolate, okay? Call me when you're ready for me to come back in." he said, heading back into the kitchen.

You got changed as quickly as you could, hoping your body could just disappear. The sounds of mugs clinking and things being made distracted your mind a little bit, and soon enough you called Tom back in.

Mugs of hot chocolate in hand, Tom sat down beside you. Now that you were more comfortable, he decided it was time to start the conversation.

"What happened, lovie?" he asked, concern finding its way back into his eyes.

"Nothing," you mumbled, "I'm fine."

"Bullshit. I'm not an idiot, Y/N. You showed up here in tears and shaking like a leaf..what's wrong?" his tone went from angry to tender in a flash, and tears sprung to your eyes for what seemed like the fiftieth time today. You sighed, deciding to come clean.

"Me and mom got into a fight. Afterwards, I heard her saying some stuff about me being trans. It really hurts Tom. I know I can't expect everyone to be okay with it, but I really thought she was on my side. I just..can't keep doing this. It's fucking awful." you whimpered.

"Oh, lovie," Tom cooed, putting you on his chest to where you could hear his heartbeat.

You let the tears fall once again, more desperately. The smell of the fireplace burning and the sound of the rain on the big glass windows eventually pulled you back to reality. Staring outside into the forest, you let your mind quiet down for the first time in a while, feeling safe in your best friend's arms.

"You know I'll always support you, right? Whatever happens, I'm here. You have a room at the cabin for a reason, bug. You're the best man I know by far, and nothing can change that. You're even better than Sebastian and Chris," he teased, making you smile.

"That's not a hard mark to beat," you giggled, rolling your eyes when Tom ruffled your hair.

"Wanna go take a nap? I'm sure you're positively exhausted. I'll carry you upstairs, if that's easier."

"Yes please," you mumbled, allowing Tom to hold you in his arms to carry you up the stairs. Finally opening the door to your room, he sat you on the bed after pulling the covers back.

"Want the fairy lights on?" he asked, and at your nod, the room was dimly lit once again. The atmosphere was perfect-the rain outside, the room lit by only the lights, and the comfort that washed over you was the best thing you'd experience in a while. As Tom went to leave, you grabbed his arm.

"Stay?" you practically begged, your puppy dog eyes at work.

"Of course, Y/N. That's what best friends are for." he smiled, tucking you back into bed. You curled up next to him, Tessa snuggling up with you both.

"G'night, lovie." he mumbled, letting his eyes shut. You were both content in each other's arms as you two finally let sleep take you.

#tom holland x trans!reader #tom holland x best friend!reader #tom holland and reader #tom holland fluff #my writing #trans reader #hurt/comfort #tom holland

[redpandarambles]

Yesterday I went out to meet a friend. I was out most of the day, which meant that at some point, I had to run the gauntlet of using a public toilet. When there are no gender neutral bathrooms or disabled bathrooms available, I always panic. Never knowing whether its better to use the men's or the women's. Trying to work out who are more likely to give me grief for just needing to pee.

As I opened the door to the women's bathroom, a woman looked over her shoulder, took one glance at me and loudly announced, "This is the women's bathroom". Pretty much immediately everyone else in there, the entire line and folks washing their hands in the sinks, turned to look at me.

Now I've been chased out of bathrooms before, from as young as 12. I've been stared at, laughed at, made to feel deeply uncomfortable. Called names. Sneered at. So rather than just walking back out, I panicked. Froze in place. My legs wouldn't work, I couldn't speak.

All I could do was watch as this woman took a proper look at me. She must have taken in the trans pride logo on my shirt, the short hair, the flat chest. I don't believe for a moment she thought she'd got her initial assessment wrong, every way I present must have confirmed her initial comment.

But beneath all that she also saw my panic, my fear.

And instead of doubling down or trying to force me to leave, she smiled warmly and loudly apologised. And then she struck up a conversation with me as we stood in line, just little bits of small talk. Instantly everyone else in the bathroom defrosted, disarmed. Went back to what ever they had been doing before the non-binary person had walked into their bathroom with his binder and his pronouns. Given the current climate in the UK, I am so grateful to that woman. She could have easily kicked me out, doubled down on her original comment. But she saw me and chose compassion, chose to see the scared person in front of her and de-escalate the situation with a simple apology and a warm smile. It was also a welcome reminder that there are still kind people out there. Still people willing to show compassion to strangers who look different.

#transgender #transmasc #nonbinary #running the gauntlet of public toilets #good people are still out there #choosing compassion over suspicion

[newwwwusername]

Supergirl (CW) - Alex & Nia - Pride Month Prompt 21 : Demigirl

Prompt : Write either an F/F, F/M, or Other fic (can be fluff, hurt/comfort, whatever you see fit) in which one or both of the characters in that pairing are a demigirl OR a gen fic in which a demigirl character (can be a canon or headcanoned character) is coming out to/being comforted by/otherwise talking about gender with her/their friend(s) Headcanon : Demigirl!Alex Background relationships : Brainy/Nia, Kelly/Alex

Alex had this thing plaguing her mind recently. Normally, she'd go to Kelly, but... Well, she was afraid to.

She felt bad approaching Nia about it, too. The two weren't particularly close and she didn't want Nia to think she just saw her as the token trans person of the group, but she wasn't sure who else to turn to.

"Hey, Nia?" she said as she approached the woman at the party. Nia looked over at her and smiled.

"Hey, Alex" she said cheerily. "What's up?"

"Can I talk to you?" Alex asked and it was only then she noticed Brainy standing there. "In private?"

Nia seemed nervous for a second but nodded, kissed Brainy on the cheek, and then followed Alex out onto the balcony.

"So..." Nia said nervously. "What's going on?"

"I don't think I'm a girl" Alex said and then her heart sunk because it was out there and she couldn't take it back. She shut her eyes tight for a moment, afraid to see Nia's reaction, but when she managed a glance, she was met only with a kind smile.

"Okay"

"But I know I'm definitely not a boy either" Alex continued. Now that she was talking about it, it was all spilling out despite the part of her brain that begged her to shut up. "And I looked into the whole nonbinary thing and I kinda identify with it, but not fully" she continued. "But I was thinking back on my childhood and realized I've never felt fully like a girl, but I'm close enough to where it didn't feel like it was worth focusing on but now things are peaceful, and-"

"Hey" Nia soothed and it was only then that Alex realized she was shaking. "It's okay to be confused"

"I feel bad for it"

"You don't need to" Nia assured. The pair was quiet for a moment before Alex sighed.

"I'm sorry"

"For what?"

"Bugging you with this"

"Alex-"

"I just didn't know who else to talk to who would get it" the redhead continued and immediately she wanted to punch herself. "I mean-"

"I'm the only trans person in your circle" Nia smiled. "I get it. I'm not upset, don't worry" she continued. "I'm just glad you feel safe enough to talk about this with me. It seems like it's been weighing on you"

"It has" Alex nodded. "I, uh... I was looking into... Pronouns and stuff"

"Okay"

"Could you, um..." Alex took a deep breath. "I identify with the... She/her pronouns but would it be okay if, I mean- Would- God, this is hard"

"Take your time"

"Could you maybe use they/them pronouns for me occasionally?"

"Of course" Nia smiled and Alex felt a weight come of their shoulders. "Do you want a hug?"

"Please" Alex said and suddenly Nia's arms were wrapped around her body. The two stayed like that for a moment before Alex tapped out. "I need a drink"

"Let's get back in there"

Do not repost on other sites! If you want to participate in this month's challenge, there are 30 LGBT-centered prompts that you can find here

#fanfiction #fanfic #fanfic challenge #fanfic prompts #prompts #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqiia+ #pride #pride month #demigirl #supergirl #alex danvers #nia nal

[piqued-curiosity]

Update on Bette Midler:

She saw the backlash, and tried to save face.

The article is a good read, and I’m familiar with it because I was listening to this stream from Lisa Michele and Radical Ramblings where they talked about it (they start reading it around 17:30). Because I’m familiar with it, I immediately knew that this attempt at saving face wouldn’t work, because the article is one that puts women first. In similar fashion to JK Rowling’s essay, it isn’t some huge transphobic rant about how we all need to gang up on trans people and kill them or something. It just points out how women are being negatively impacted by gender ideology. The closing note is essentially saying to respect trans women, but to not disrespect women while doing so. How does this come off as transphobic?

“Tolerance for one group need not mean intolerance for another. We can respect transgender women without castigating females who point out that biological women still constitute a category of their own — with their own specific needs and prerogatives.”

Because as we’ve seen repeatedly, women cannot say anything unless it is complete unwavering support while censoring our thoughts. We have to sandwich our words between “trans women are women!” And “trans men are men!”. We have to refer to ourselves as “cis” and consider ourselves a subset of women. We have to put the voices of men first and ask their permission to think what we do (“I’m a lesbian who doesn’t like dick, and it’s okay because this trans woman says so!”, or “I asked my trans friend if it’s okay for me to think trans women and women are different, and she said yes so you can’t be mad at me”). This article doesn’t do that. So of course, here are some responses to Bette’s tweet. They seem to sum up the attitude many people have.

That last one is interesting, considering the point of the article Bette responded to was that women are being silenced.

In between the “too bad, you’re transphobic” tweets, there are people who either acknowledge that she didn’t mean any “harm”, and people who don’t think the article is harmful at all and see the backlash for what it is; silencing women. Here’s one that’s on the money.

Exactly. Why does she have to be nice? Why does she have to put niceness before speaking about the erasure of women and our language?

I do believe that Bette meant no ill will towards trans people. I think she read an article about women, agreed with it, and used her huge platform as a celebrity to make a statement about the issue she’d read about. Unfortunately, that’s enough to be branded as a transphobe.

So, as with all women who deal with this; daring to speak out, getting loads of backlash, trying to backpedal only to find people don’t accept it…Bette Midler has a choice to make. Either way, she has to accept that as a woman, the only way she can please those calling her transphobic is to be silent. The choice is whether she shuts up or gets louder. It’s the same choice every single woman who has even the smallest criticism of gender ideology has to make. Some get bullied into silence, some see the bullying as a reason to keep speaking.

It’ll be interesting to see how this turns out, but either way I think we’re going to see the same thing that happened when JK Rowling started getting backlash. People, specifically women, see a famous woman get torn to shreds just for raising a concern over being called things like “menstruators” or “birthing bodies”. They see just how hostile people are towards women who voice opinions they share. They think, if this is happening to her, it could happen to me. They conclude that the backlash is wrong, and start speaking out themselves or at least quietly start questioning what they’ve been told. They conclude that any ideology that tries to silence women is misogynistic, and that gender ideology is no exception.

#my post #gender critical #bette midler

[athousandmorningss]

Serious walking wound energy today.

The new coffee shop is real nice: sweetheart employees and coffee that is light and smooth, not dark and bitter/strong. Posted up in a corner and read/annotated some pages of things. Y’all ever done some crying in a coffee shop? Cos I sure did: on and off for about two hours. Read Paul Tran’s Poem “The Three Graces” and: “how miraculous it is to exist./ To live beyond survival” encouraged tears.

I am also reading Heartbreak: A Persona and Scientific Journey by Florence Williams. It traces the physical and mental impacts of life after divorce. So much of it resonates. “My husband was gone,” she wrote. “So much unseemly, adolescent, self-involvement: daydreaming, journaling, wanting to lie around and listen deeply to music and tell all my friends exactly what was going on. It’s tempting to dismiss the mistiness of this time as juvenile spaciness, but there was something else to it. It was about the process of becoming. It was hard work. It demanded attention and space...you have to plunge back in the jar like a pickled kipper and cure some more. You have to become again” (p. 97).

Yeah. That part.

-

A thing I’ve been feeling a lot lately is piercing anxiety and the inability to relax. I was so tense at the coffee shop: whole body vibrating nervousness and tightness. The book I’m reading reminds me to pay attention to my body and to care for it.

-

The flowers I got are fragrant and stunning.

-

My Ub*r driver on the way home was an old woman, old enough that she lives in a retirement community, as described by her. She told me her husband of 40 years died a year ago. “We had a long run together. I tell him all of the time, that if he ever needs me to go to him, to just tell me” and she snapped her fingers. “I’ll be right there.”

Old people working beyond retirement breaks my heart. I tipped her a $15.00, a habit I’ve started to do as an easy means of recognition. I hope it helps her.

-

Pride was all fucked up this year. They put metal fences in places that were several feet away from the actual parade. So, you couldn’t actually see it or get close to it. There was no energy moving between the viewers: it was so quiet and weird.

There was also an old man holding a “got aids yet?” sign. In sweltering, near hundred degree heat. This old man risking heat stroke for THAT. I cried immediately when I saw it. That shit really, really hurt my feelings. But across the street was another group of people I think from a church, holding signs that read “we love you” and “we’re sorry you don’t feel welcome” and other beautiful sentiments. One of them was an old woman, prolly in her 60s or 70s. The high five exchanged between us and my “thank you” also made me want to cry.

I often think of Pride as “for them,” but it is also for me. I am decidedly not straight but carry a great deal of internalized homophobia.

-

Oli is showing signs of his age today: a real slow walking gate and sore movements. I’m going to buy him stairs to help him get onto the bed. And I’m not going out tonight, but will instead stay home and snuggle my boy and rub his tummy.

16 years with my dearest friend.

#love ethics #divorcin' diaries #tw homophobia

[sapphos-catpanions]

The woman quoted below is Dawn Jackson. She is serving 30 years in prison for killing her rapist/step-grandfather.

“In my 23 years of incarceration here at Edna Mahan… I’ve never seen anything like the traumatic damage that’s been going on. The state needs to find a place specifically for transgender [people].”

“Personally speaking, I have succumbed to a point where I mentally and emotionally cower when in the presence of some of the trans-identified males housed here in prison with me.”

“I’ve had to mentally rearrange myself since having no choice… being subjected to live amongst the opposite sex.”

“[She] was on the phone explaining to her family how she was upset about the new trans-identified male being placed in the unit that day. The [man] who was 6’7 tall overhead the young lady expressing her concerns and waited for her to get off the phone… The trans-identified male waited for her to get off the phone, just to tower over and approach her. As a result of that, the young lady buckled, feeling she had to explain herself. She started cooking for [him], sharing her JP6 tablet… The young lady was intimidated was what she was. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. I understood her fear of somehow needing to survive the possible unknown repercussions.”

“The moment I found out that [trans-identified males] were coming to Edna Mahan, along with discovering that they were still equipped with their manhoods, that truly did something to me psychologically.”

“Immediately, I cowered because of the intimidation I felt from this person. Had it been just one of my female peers to approach and confront me, I wouldn’t have felt that wave of fear on the inside of me. There was no equality between us; only man against woman… I remember stuttering, trying to give my answer. I felt obligated to answer. All I saw standing in front of me was a man. And the sad part about it, along with being approached, I was doing everything possible to not show the fear I always felt as a battered woman who’d no choice but to submit.”

On the day she killed her step-grandfather, he had been trying to rape her again:

“I was defending myself … from once again being that timid little girl who was forced into incest – having sex and performing degrading sexual acts beginning at the age of five.”

“Five male family members and one family friend had hands in abusing me for years. No way in hell should I have been sentenced to 30 years in prison.”

“I should not have to endure transgender [males] complaints of feeling ‘discriminated’ against just so they can have their way… The ignorance of activists who [compare] my traumatic experiences to the validation of transgender people’s identity is completely unfair. I never chose to be raped, sodomized and abused by men.”

“The pain I endured, it affected and mattered very much to me… There’s no way in hell those activists can compare the psychological traumas of being sexually, physically, mentally, emotionally and verbally abused to men who choose to ‘identify’ [as women].”

#trans #gender dysphoria #transgender #ftm #nonbinary #transmasc #trans rights #trans pride #trans woman #trans women #transfemme

[feralnumberfive]

Saw your tag post about dysphoria, am afab (she/they) and can confirm. Tbh not sure if I vibe with the they pronoun because of non binary-ness or because I hate the idea of being what straight white society accepts as "woman". But there's also days where I hate that I don't fit that mold even though I hate the idea of fitting that mold. Idk if this made any sense but you're not alone 💙

Anon you've worded pretty much exactly how I feel and wow does that make me happy. I can't exactly relate to you (and I mean this in a sincere way!!) but I prefer (she/her) but at the same time I wouldn't exactly mind using (she/they) but I don't really know how comfortable I feel about it but at the same time I don't really mind the sound and use of it. I've always been a major tomboy my entire life and have never felt or honestly looked "girly" or like a feminine "woman" so that also conflicts with my thoughts and feelings about myself and how I choose to present myself especially upon those who know me. I don't want to feel like I have to fit the mold of a "woman" just to appease the view(s) of society but I just want to be my own "woman."

I honestly wish I had no chest but then imagine how others around me would view me even though I wouldn't be changing my identity and even though it was for my own comfort. Hell, I had loooong hair almost my entire life and when I got it cut short to a pixie cut in 2016 my family immediately asked me if I was trans (in a supportive way). I have no issue with that question because that was very sweet and supportive of them to ask that, but now it makes me think that if I change something about my appearance everyone I know will just view me differently and assume things about me. I definitely need to reflect more upon myself haha.

If anything I wish when people misgendered me they would just use (they/them) but alas, that has never happened to me (yet! 🤞) but it truly does just kill me a little whenever I'm misgendered especially in public and around friends and family. Anon I am so happy you stopped by and sent this ask and I hope you're doing fantastic ❤️

#I've never met someone I've related to on this but at the same time I've never told anyone my feelings about this #anon I very sincerely thank you!! #anon #personal

[papytonpropaganda]

Wow. I don’t understand how someone who was behind a literal racist, transmisogynistic harassment campaign could ever be worth talking to, let alone befriending, but your ability to bestow forgiveness is apparently Christlike. I’m not sure you, as a white TME person, get to just absolve somebody of their transmisogyny and racism, but whatever. And I’m sorry if this person is being harassed themself, truly, but they’re still a white TME person who lorded over a trans woman of color and treated her like utter shit over a fictional fucking character when Cass had done absolutely nothing to them, to the point of literally running a Discord server specifically for making fun of her. I for one could never trust somebody like that. I didn’t know Cass had you blocked but I’m glad she does.

you seem to be operating under a number of misconceptions. my friend was not "behind" any harassment campaigns. that, by and large, was Juan, whom I'm sure you remember. the server was not dedicated to making fun of Cass, but was an Asgore server with a CHANNEL for talking about things they disagreed with. they didn't realize Juan had joined the server and once they knew it was him, they banned him immediately. as for the screenshots that were leaked, I honest to god do not remember the contents of any of them, but my friend has explained that they were not educated about gnc trans people at the time and that was why they criticized some of the art that Cass drew of Toriel and Asgore. obviously it was not a good or right thing to do, but they have learned and grown and changed. and I am not going to apologize for believing that people can do that.

you also keep mentioning race as if any of this had to do with that. aside from any shit Juan might have said (I genuinely don't remember at this point), it didn't. you seriously need to stop weaponizing identities in this situation. some awful shit happened, people were hurt indescribably on both sides, and NOBODY WANTS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS ANYMORE.

"if this person is being harassed" it's not a fucking if, there's miles of evidence of them being harassed, and it is some of the most sickening shit I have ever seen. and I get the feeling you're not as ignorant about it as you're pretending to be. there is no excuse for literally doxxing someone and outing them to their abusive parents, which is what happened to them. absolutely no excuse.

I also just saw what you sent to Pixie and I'm sorry that you're such a callous person. you do not have to like or forgive them for what they said but you also do not have to be such a humongous asshole to someone who is ALSO MARGINALIZED, albeit in different ways. if you want them to stay away from you, you had better stay away from them from now on, and from me too.

I'm done with this conversation. the next ask you send will earn you a block.

#anonymous #thank you for asking! #i really need a different ask tag.

[mittenwonders]

So I see that there is a ton of talk about bathroom use with trans people again.

I felt like maybe I could offer a perspective on this situation that is pretty honest and authentic to people who may/may not feel the same way. I’m always open to discussion like these because it’s important to have open dialogue and the only way to truly move forward. And I’m aware my opinion may not be in alignment with others views. I’m a liberal too in case it matters.

First, I want to acknowledge I am all for trans rights. I’m a huge supporter of the LGBT+ community and I understand gender dysphoria. I believe they should be able to be who they feel they are so they can live authentically and feel comfortable in their own skin.

However the initial transitioning period is very difficult. I have a couple trans friends and despite feeling like women, unfortunately the early stages, they still looked like men 100% wearing makeup and women’s clothes. I don’t think this would be as big of a problem or discussion if CIS men weren’t sexual predators and asshats in general in our society.

I think of that new question going around of “would you rather be in the woods with a man or a bear?” Many women state a bear. I think we need to remember this when having the bathroom argument with trans women.

Now when trans people are fully transitioned, you can’t tell. Hell I hit on a dude once and was all about him only to find out later he was trans. It didn’t sway me or stop me from being attracted to him lol. I think what most people are getting at when they say they don’t feel comfortable is the initial transition period when you can clearly tell it’s a gender born male. There’s still a 5 o’clock shadow growing and there is still an Adam’s apple. Unfortunately it is going to be red flags for a lot of women. I also get that a lot of Republican women use the argument regardless of transition period because they just hate trans people and gay people overall and well …they’re awful human beings. But myself and others I know who I think are really good people are hesitant for the transition period only or those who have zero plans on transitioning but still state they are women.

As someone who was sexually assaulted, I can personally say I’m scared of men most of the time. I wish I could say it’s gotten better 14 years later but my trust is still low. I will be completely honest and say if I was in a restroom and someone who looked male and had a deep voice like a male entered behind me or I saw them walk in as I was washing my hands out the corner of my eye, I would immediately leave as my fight or flight response would kick in. I wouldn’t say anything, I wouldn’t confront but for my own safety and panic mode, I would get the hell out of dodge as quickly as possible.

I understand to the trans woman, that could feel fucking awful and I do agree they should feel safe to be themselves and unafraid but I also think CIS women themselves should feel safe and unafraid too. If I have to pee, I shouldn’t feel uncomfortable myself and feel I need to leave without relieving myself to find another bathroom just so someone else feels comfortable too. We are both minorities who have gone through our own sets of hells. And sadly there are cases where men have forced themselves into restrooms to rape or assault women. Especially if it’s a rather low traffic restroom in the back of a store or whatnot. We had a case in my hometown at our plaza a few years ago of a guy who followed a young woman into the restroom and locked the door behind to rape her. These claims thrown out in the news are not made up and it does happen everywhere still.

Also idk about other places in the US, but the stalls in bathrooms don’t offer 100% privacy. There’s always large gaps and many a times I have made awkward eye contact with someone walking by trying to see if the stall is taken. I can also count the number of times on two hands that a rowdy toddler or small child has peaked under the stall next to me because they’re bored waiting for mom to finish. And they’re very vocal about everything they see and hear lol.

I don’t know what the solution should be and I wish I had one. I would say there should be a demand for more gender neutral single stall bathrooms across the country that anyone can safely use. Even with my autistic nephew, it would come in handy. He’s 11 now but my sister still needs to take him in the women’s bathroom with her since he can’t be alone. Many women roll their eyes or make snide remarks but he literally doesn’t have the mental capacity to make any sexual connection. It’s awkward for my sister just as much and single restrooms would be great for those situations. I know family restrooms exist only because men complained enough about what to do with their daughters if they’re alone but they’re also a dime a dozen. I don’t even have an answer or solution for locker rooms at gyms sadly as it would be the same situation if not worse.

I’m just saying the early transition period is the hardest and the part I am not personally comfortable with. I understand both sides of the argument. It’s not fair either way and both parties deserve to feel safe. I will say I understand a lot of the worry women face. No one believes us anyway when we say we’ve been raped or assaulted so it’s not surprising women’s concerns are not being fairly heard with this too without being labeled transphobic. It doesn’t mean I don’t accept trans women or want to find a solution but I think they also need to understand why women are afraid too when all we’ve known growing up is do defend ourselves from men. Many women face PTSD from their traumas and are going to react within seconds and not think “hmmm maybe she’s trans and isn’t here to do harm.” No they’re gonna hear a male voice or someone with the body composition of a man and judge immediately even if that person means no harm. It’s just psychology.

Again I do not mean to offend anyone with this post but I just think our concerns also need to be heard as well. If others feel comfortable no matter what, good for you but sexual assault and rape survivors don’t feel as at ease. I know this is the angle republicans have been running with so it automatically pisses off any democrats but I’m saying as a woman, it’s a very real fear.

[brokenfoxproductions]

Happy trans day of visibility everyone!

I'm bored so, I figured I would post about my journey to realizing I was trans and nonbinary because I want to kinda normalize the experience of being a "oh shit, in hindsight I should have known" kind of trans person.

I was raised in a part of Pennsylvania that pretends it's progressive but really isn't, so I didn't know what "gay" meant until I was in first grade, and at the time, I immediately realized that I might be gay, but I didn't say anything about it because it was "weird" and I also liked boys, even though I wanted to be treated like one of them and couldn't understand why they didn't want me as the "tomboy girl friend" of the group. I started asking my mom to let me buzz my hair short like a boy, but she refused.

We moved to a new area for awhile when I was in second grade, and the school there had a uniform for all students: plain white shirts with sleeves, and dark blue or black jeans or pants. We went shopping at Kid's R Us and I hated everything in the girl's section, so I wandered into the boy's section and asked my mom if I could buy boy's jeans and underwear but just wear the girls shirts she liked to make her happy and compromise, but she got upset and said that I was "developing early" and needed jeans that would fit my (at the time non existent) hips and dragged me back to the girl's section. I purposely bought everything a size too big to hide my "early development ", which in hindsight was literally nothing.

I got lice at that school and my mom kept complaining about how hard it was to get out with my long hair. I begged her to just shave it but she refused, instead cutting it into a short bob around my jaw. It looked horrible in hindsight, but I just loved that it was short and I was really upset when my mom told me that I had to grow it back out when I didn't have lice anymore.

When I moved back to Pennsylvania, I went clothes shopping with my grandmother for more school clothes that weren't "uniform clothes" , and I once again dragged her to the boy's section asking for boxers and boy's jeans. She let me get a few T-shirts from the boy's section before dragging me back to the girl's section and buying me my first bra (I was 8, btw). While doing this, I saw some purple sequinned Joe Boxer boy shorts in the Junior's section and I ran over to them, practically yelling "look! GIRL BOXERS! Girls CAN wear boxers! Gramma, please please PLEASE let me get some girl boxers if I can't get real boxers!" But my grandmother responded that those underwear were "not for wearing as underwear" and that "if you don't buy plain cotton bikinis or hipsters, you're a whore." I stopped wearing underwear at that point because I hated how women's underwear felt.

In 6th grade, I wrote a multi part fic about a genderless artificial human realizing that she was a girl and going through what I can best describe in hindsight as android gender reassignment surgery. I explained to everyone around me that I wished I could be like my main character, but in reverse. I wanted to go from being a girl to being genderless. Everyone around me said that it was a cool futuristic sci-fi story, but that it was weird that I didn't want to be a girl. I was informed that trans women existed, but I was misinformed that being a trans woman who had undergone years of hrt and all possible surgeries was the only way to be transgender. I developed a lot of jealousy and idolization for trans women but I didn't know why. I wanted to be like them, but not a woman, and it majorly messed with me for awhile.

I started identifying as a lesbian despite my attraction to men and other genders, and dressing hyper feminine most of the time despite my dysphoria, which was manifesting as an eating disorder and self harm. I would dress as a drag king with friends, and it felt really freeing, but at the same time I felt sick to my stomach and dirty the moment I took it off and put my usual skirt, corset, and makeup back on.

I eventually realized that I was bisexual or pansexual but I still didn't understand my gender identity. I started telling my friends who were coming out as transfemme that "I don't even know what the hell my gender is, so whatever you tell me your gender or pronouns are, I'll take your word for it".

My friends in highschool often told me that I acted more like a gay man than a woman, and I never knew how to respond but I always took it as a compliment. Most of my friends were queer men and the few female friends I had treated me more like one of the guys, and I actually appreciated it. That point in my life was relatively happy and I felt supported, even when I eventually found the word that kinda broke my brain:

Nonbinary

I immediately resonated with it and realized that described me. Not perfectly, but it was an earth shattering moment for me. It was like a sheepdog realizing that they're a dog that looks like a sheep and not an actual sheep. There was a word for me.

I ended up eventually buzzing my head and slowly started coming out and socially transitioning. I played with different names before settling into what I have now. But something was still missing. Something wasn't right.

I kept going through life and realizing that I loved being perceived as masculine. Not quite, "I want to be a cisgender man", but just thinking to myself, "You feel like this because you're a man. Wait... Are you a man? Are you kinda a man? You already came out, do you really think you want to again? And even if you do, what do you call.... This? You? Does this have a word?"

So I started searching. Nonbinary masculine terms, flags made by users on this beautiful site, neo genders, mogai blogs... I was literally wracking my brain trying to just find a simple way to describe "I'm nonbinary, but a man, but not fully a man, I'm just a dude, you know? A guy kinda thing?"

And thanks to Tumblr and the people who make bad ass flags on here, I found it. And when I read the description, I audibly heard my egg crack.

Demiboy (alternatively: demiman, demiguy, demi-masculine) : a nonbinary gender identity, similar to demigender, in which one's gender is in between male and something else, or a gender identity with a complete rejection of feminity. This can be constant or fluid, and the non-masculine gender can be any other gender.

It was me. It felt like mine. Even when I was diagnosed with an intersex variation, I didn't feel like it overrided my gender identity or confused me because I was finally comfortable with myself as a demiguy.

So, now I'm here. Intersex, nonbinary, transmasculine, demi-masculine, and I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self "it's okay that you want boxers and boy's jeans. You'll be able to wear them everyday when you're a grown up. And it's okay that you have crushes on Andrew and Cristina. Neither of them are good for you, but you're not wrong for thinking about dating boys and girls. It's okay to want your head shaved. As a grown up, you have buzz cuts and cool mohawks all the time. And it's okay that people don't understand now. They're learning, and so are you. You'll all be okay in a few years."

And that goes for any other young queer or trans kids reading this: it's okay. It might not feel okay right now, but it's going to get better sooner than you think.

#trans day of visibility #tdov #trans #transgender #trans masc #nonbinary #non binary #intersex #demiboy #demimasc #coming out #yes I skipped over how my ex husband abused me for coming out and forced me to detransition under threat of murdering me and my son #that's not the point #I acknowledge that it happened but refuse to wax poetic about it here #lgbtqia #transmasc #tw ed #tw ed mentioned #tw self harm mention