#but this month is Bad

[badolmen]

WARNING 18+

19

#ra speaks #it’s a silly joke/pun dw #we stay silly :3 #edit: #woahg. that’s a lot of notes. hi everybody o/ #10k. stop clenching your jaw and drink some water. #15k. eat some fresh fruit this week! I’m having kiwis tonight :] #20k. quit sitting like a shrimp it’s bad for your neck! sit up straight and do a little stretch every now and then #25k. I’m up at 2 AM but I’ll get to see the sunrise today :] if you can’t see that I hope you admire the sunset later today #30k. do something fun you haven’t done in a while. I haven’t drawn in months - I think I’ll paint a cat tomorrow :3

[artkaninchenbau]

A h-heartfelt reunion..?

Bonus

#Sir Crocodile #Monkey D Dragon #Emporio Ivankov #Dragodile #Crocodad #My art #One Piece #We're not gonna talk about the work I should be doing rn I have Severe Procrastinitis and I'm doing my best okay #Alternative version where it was both Crocodile and Garp beating Dragon's ass before Iva-chan joined in but that was too much effort lmao #I'm a believer in Dragon being a Wind Logia so don't worry guys he is 100% taking this beating intentionally #He knows what he did and he's dealing with the concequences of his actions. With grace. #You know I realize Iva-chan should be two whole meters taller than Crocodile but we're just gonna ignore that #Look Iva-chan taking Crocodile's side and being like ''Crocoboy is right you fucked up bad Dragon'' brings me joy #And for real I've been wanting to draw this for months. But never did because I had other shit to do. Which I still do #But. You know. Sometimes you need to draw a shitpost. It's ✨ self-care ✨ #And appearently One Piece shitpost comics have become the thing I draw for myself on occassion

[unpretty]

the thing about having been really broke. averaging $500 a month in a good year broke. using a gamestop credit card i shouldn't have qualified for to buy taco bell gift cards for food broke. is that i am SO bad with money. i have a degree in accounting and i am so bad with money. i do not think of myself as superstitious at all but money feels so cursed. not in a spiritual way, i mean literally. practically.

having 'too much' money feels so bad. money is a thing you spend as soon as you get it because it's so cursed. the more it is the more cursed it is. i save too much money and bad things will happen that cost all my money. money is a thing that summons expenses. if i have no money and the car breaks down i find a way to make it work. i scrounge and resell and pass the hat and talk to my mom's friend's friend who knows a guy and in the end i'm so relieved to be right back where i started. but if i were saving my money for a new computer and then the car broke down, the money is just gone. i spent the money i saved for a thing i wanted on a thing i needed instead and after all that hoping i'm right back where i started.

i get a windfall and i set the money aside because if i'm careful that's enough to pay for gas for months. but then i need to pay for heat and i apply for assistance and they look at my bank account and see i have money and now they won't help pay for heat. soon it's just a habit. i get the money and i spend the money. immediately, as soon as possible, get this money away from me. don't even save enough for cigarettes. i can find money for cigarettes, somehow i can always find money for cigarettes. cigarette money is a weird magical fake money i summon from dark corners whenever i run out of cigarettes. i don't know how it works either. i've tried to summon the cigarette money for things that aren't cigarettes and it never works. just get this out of my bank account. get it out of here before something notices there's money here.

anyway i'm working on it but god it's hard

#original #i think i've made this exact same post before but everyone politely ignore that my memory is bad #i was doing better and then it all crashed and burned in the last couple months #and i'm fixing it but god it feels so stupid #i'd finally worked my way up to having Savings. Any Savings At All. where did it go. #how did i spend that much on pennywhistles and moonpies #that shouldn't be possible that's illegal

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[charcoaldustonmyfingers]

Sick Days

[ 1 - 2 - 3 ]

Whenever I feel sick, I pull every blanket and pillow from my room and curl up in a corner on the floor. I drew this inside of said blanket pile :(

Despite being genetically engineered magic super soldiers, I’m sure the kids have had their share of off days, what with them running around New York sewers and all. Reptiles can be pretty sensitive to environmental conditions.

According to some googling, reptiles can’t actually get fevers though as they can’t raise their own body temperature. They also don’t truly shiver, though they can simulate it voluntarily. As mutants, the boys probably aren’t purely cold blooded, and have some control over their internal temperature due to their mammalian traits.

#rottmnt #rise mikey #rise leo #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt leo #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt comic #t*cest dni #I got sick 4 times in three months when I first drafted this comic #t’was a bad time not gonna lie

[keymintt]

as i stand plainly in the shade, unseen

#art #painting #oil #oil painting #coyote #coyotes #traditional #traditional art #scopophobia #my art #oil painting i missed youuuuuu #i started it a few months ago but i finished this bad boy in like. three days ghlfdhgl #the power of remembering there was a Deadline you wanted to submit things to lol #i'm not holding my breath that the phx art museum is going to accept me for the Big Emerging Artist Award but. gonna shoot my shot! #anyways i love you coyotes my favorite transgender allegory animal #greatest hits

[birdmenmanga]

I think there's no greater indication that disco elysium is sympathetic towards communism when it literally says "communism is failure" and then the literal gameplay itself rewards trying and failing. The most obvious one being the Shivers check at the FELD mural, which is an Impossible 20 check BUT opens itself up again and again the longer you spend in the world doing things, but even just looking at sheer probabilities, for any given white check, rolling first and THEN putting a point into that skill upon failure is more likely to grant you success than putting a point first and then rolling, but that would require failing first.

Other things too: Precarious world saying you'll 100% fail red checks no matter what (not necessarily a bad thing, btw!! throwing the boule into the sea is a success but like. in some other ways one would want a perfect petanque throw instead. but people wouldn't typically assume that failure is desirable sometimes from the start) persuading you to accept that you'll fail some things that is irrevocable, for a world where everything is just a tiny bit easier.

The faux game over screen when you faint after reading Dora's letter— emulating a sense of failure on the scale of the entire game. When it rolls up most people go "What?? Game over?? No way, what did I do wrong!!" and waking up after that, with no huge or lasting impact on Harry's health or morale really tells the player, "Sometimes things will seem so bad that it all seems like it's coming to an end, but it's not the end, it's really not the end, go drink so water, you can still go on despite this failure"

I'm sure there are other things as well that are eluding me but like. The literal gameplay rewards failing and succeeding far more so than simply succeeding every single time, and I think you get a fuller experience of Elysium that way too

#just thinking thoughts... #disco elysium #idk man when did we get so scared of failing!! #people never want to speak in class because 'what if I'm wrong :(((' #well then you are wrong... that is okay... it's normal to fail... sometimes saying the wrong thing is a great way to jumpstart a topic... #'getting a good grade in X is both normal to want and possible to achieve' #okay sure but have you made peace with the fact that getting a BAD grade in X isn't a bad thing? #a bad grade in being friends... okay... so you didn't check up on someone in 3 months... you failed... that's fine... #you can learn from it!! you can learn how to keep in touch with people. how to take care of them when they're sick. #how to resolve a dispute. how to communicate and compromise. these are all things you are not born with #and will fail first before succeeding at #Like yes I get that in the age of surveillance your failures may be recorded and preserved forever and that's not great #but if we don't normalize failure I really think we'll just suffocate and die

[1captainjordan4]

New player at the winners table…

Few months after the final but im cool like that ya know

#third life #secret life #traffic life #traffic smp #hermitcraft #tagging that for reach tbh and theres 3 hermits in there #grian #scott smajor #goodtimeswithscar #pearlescentmoon #inthelittlewood #martyn itlw #itlw #my art #lat #BRO HOW AM I IN SUCH A BAD ART BLOCK THAT I CANT DRAW FOR 3 OR SO MONTHS #AND THEN I THINK OF A PT3 OF MY WINNERS SERIES AND BOOM #THIS IS CREATED #smh creativity

[ratfest]

my heartbeat sounds funny!

#one piece #gear 5 luffy #op luffy #monkey d. luffy #i lost a bet so i had to start watching one piece #i also lost my furina 50/50 #so i did it #all 1088 episodes #and the latest manga chapters #so thats what i was doing for 2 months #my bad guys #i got glue trapped #my brain has been rewired in an indescribable way #luffy forever

[kcamberart]

Wooper | tetsuya koizumi

#blender #low poly #lowpoly #low-poly #3d model #3d modeling #3d art #art #artists on tumblr #pokemon #pokemon tcg #wooper #if you're following me and you don't like wooper i've got some bad news for you about the entire first half of this month

[lesbiancientforesttroll]

Think about Harrow's AU Bubbles

Thinking about Harrow's AU bubbles, not as fanfic references, but as expressions of her subconscious fears and desires, is so fascinating.

The Harrow Nova one is pretty obvious. Harrow's parents were obsessed with her being a necromancer, were willing to kill for it. It's only natural she'd wonder, "What if I hadn't been?"

And the answer Harrow gives herself is: Your parents and everyone would reject you (except, wildly, for Crux). Also they'd be alive cuz you'd never opened the tomb, and you'd be an unpopular orphan they'd abuse (Just Like Gideon). And you'd still be just as devoted to serving the Ninth with a blade. There's a lot there. But the other really telling bit is her relationship with Gideon. Harrow Nova professes to hate the reverend daughter even as she seeks to (re) create the necro-cav bond with her. But that hatred doesn't seem to be mutual. And the bit about the daughter intervening when Harrow was whipped…

That's Harrow's subconscious saying if their roles had been reversed, "Gideon would have treated me better than I treated her. Gideon would have protected me."

The Ball AU also seems like a reasonable extension of Gideon's childhood query: "What if my other parent is the most important guy in the universe?" Answer: Emperor Dad would throw a big party.

But also… it's a bride-finding ball! That's so very telling. It could have been anything, but Harrow invents another scenario where she's fighting, competing to get to Gideon, to be awarded the role of her sworn partner (first cav, now bride), while outwardly claiming not to want it.

Now The BARI Star AU often gets described as a "coffee shop" one, but it's actually set in a cohort cafeteria. And normally I wouldn't split hairs over that, but I think the cohort setting is actually really significant. The Cohort was Gideon's dream, and also Harrow's rival for Gideon's attention. It's what she kept trying to leave Harrow for.

So now Harrow dreams that she's left Drearburh to join the cohort and will meet Gideon there. Not fight or compete for a role where they're bound to each other, but just meet her there. That feels like yielding. Like compromise. It makes me think Harrow's subconscious has matured past trying to keep Gideon with her always and is instead looking for ways that SHE can be with Gideon. Meet Gideon where she is.

(Also this may be a stretch, but I always find it low-key funny that Harrow imagines Gideon in the cafeteria… I like to think her brain is skimming lists of hypothetical military jobs like... what sees the least action... ah, coffee-adept, she'll be perfectly safe there...)

#the locked tomb #griddlehark #htn spoilers #gideon the ninth #harrow the ninth #tlt #tlt spoilers #harrowhark nonagesimus #gideon nav #Harrow Nova is like I don't want to protect her I want see violence done against her so bad I'd buy tickets #but also I'll kill you for the right to protect her #I don't intend to compete but if I did it would never be with my face but also I am going to spend months practicing my makeup just in case

[alabyte]

Spooky twins spooky twins spooky twins

Happy spooky month everyone

#matching pfps with for me and my fren actually #crosshair #crosshair tbb #tech #tech tbb #they are twins ur honor #batch twins #the bad batch #tbb #sw #star wars #spooktober #spooky month #halloween

[shmaroace]

don't get me wrong, i love all the positivity around being aro, like "be proud of being aro!! love who you are!!", but we never talk about how hard it is to reach that spot. so here's to the aros who are still trying to understand themselves, who aren't proud of who they are yet, who are still coming to terms with their new identity.

#i was in serious denial about being aro for a long time like i knew the label and knew it fit but i refused to use it for several months #even after that point it took a while for me to be comfortable with the label or saying it #and this is not a bad thing!! being aro basically requires you to undo all the societal brainwashing you grew up with #and there is so much arophobia that it's hard to find positivity #i got lucky w/ this blog and the people i follow but i know i had a hard time being as proud of myself and my queerness as i am now #this doesn't even really have to be an aro statement like i think it could fit most queer experiences #sorry for the long tags haha #aro #aromantic #arospec #aromanticism #aro pride #aro positivity #aroace #aspec #1k #5k #6k #7k

[leo-bandito]

something something gman tommy something something gordon in stasis. you know how it is.

#GOD TUMBLR ATE THE FUCKING QUALITY. JESUS CHRIST. #This is a lil rough lookin cos it’s uhhhh . One it’s like a month old and 2 it took me like an hour w no real thought or effort #Anyway #I Feel Normal . Im normal. It’s whatever #THIS IS BASED ON NOTHING . other than this has been haunting me. The hypotheticaaaallllllsssssss aaauuughhhhhhbhhh #hl2vrai #hlvrai #tommy coolatta #should. I tag ol gordon here ? #I dont. Know. I don’t wanna Fuck up th hl tag #whatever. #hlvrai 2 #gordon freeman #gordon feetman #hlvrai gordon #hlvrai tommy #If they do do smth w stasis it’ll fuck me up so bad cos. ONE . #that means Gordon never got to go home. fucked up. Fucked up #TWO . It’s so. AUIUHGHH. It’s one thing w like. in the hl2 canon of Gman this like. Mysterious freak fuckin around w Gordon #Where it’s just an uncaring omnipotent Guy taking you in and out of limbo as he pleases #but with like. Dr coomer specifically tryna contact Gordon and TOMMY BEING GMAN. FUCK. it’s like. Now it’s your friends. #now it’s your friends who need you and are trying to help you along. putting you into place. THERES SO MUCH MORE WEIGHT THERE #this might be me reaching but it’s like. ohhhh my god #wgatever. What the fuck ever #EDIT: SOMEONE JST POINTED THIS OUT AND THIS WASNT ON PURPOSE I SWEAR TO GOD. HES KINDA IN TH FUCKED UP VR CROUCH POSE. FUCK . FUCK

[fixing-bad-posts]

lmao im gay

#me when my coworker assumed i was straight during pride month #fixingbadposts #fixing-bad-posts #erasure poetry #lgbtq community #queer

[whumpacabra]

Sometimes you look something up for medical accuracy, understand the topic entirely, and then choose to ignore everything you just learned.

For the ✨drama ✨

#not whump #beans speaks #personal #listen I see you guys who love and respect the recovery timeline for concussions and dislocations and stabbings. much love to y’all. #maybe I’m a bad whump writer cause like. immediate acute injury? hell yea. long term chronic results of injury? hell yea. #injury that impairs for a month or two with ‘rest’ and ‘no strenuous activity’ being the recommended treatment during that time? #ehhhhh not my cupa. have fun tho you guys are awesome and way stronger than me I don’t have the patience for mid term recovery writing.