#that means Gordon never got to go home. fucked up. Fucked up

[leo-bandito]

something something gman tommy something something gordon in stasis. you know how it is.

#GOD TUMBLR ATE THE FUCKING QUALITY. JESUS CHRIST. #This is a lil rough lookin cos it’s uhhhh . One it’s like a month old and 2 it took me like an hour w no real thought or effort #Anyway #I Feel Normal . Im normal. It’s whatever #THIS IS BASED ON NOTHING . other than this has been haunting me. The hypotheticaaaallllllsssssss aaauuughhhhhhbhhh #hl2vrai #hlvrai #tommy coolatta #should. I tag ol gordon here ? #I dont. Know. I don’t wanna Fuck up th hl tag #whatever. #hlvrai 2 #gordon freeman #gordon feetman #hlvrai gordon #hlvrai tommy #If they do do smth w stasis it’ll fuck me up so bad cos. ONE . #that means Gordon never got to go home. fucked up. Fucked up #TWO . It’s so. AUIUHGHH. It’s one thing w like. in the hl2 canon of Gman this like. Mysterious freak fuckin around w Gordon #Where it’s just an uncaring omnipotent Guy taking you in and out of limbo as he pleases #but with like. Dr coomer specifically tryna contact Gordon and TOMMY BEING GMAN. FUCK. it’s like. Now it’s your friends. #now it’s your friends who need you and are trying to help you along. putting you into place. THERES SO MUCH MORE WEIGHT THERE #this might be me reaching but it’s like. ohhhh my god #wgatever. What the fuck ever #EDIT: SOMEONE JST POINTED THIS OUT AND THIS WASNT ON PURPOSE I SWEAR TO GOD. HES KINDA IN TH FUCKED UP VR CROUCH POSE. FUCK . FUCK

[qcomicsy]

The office but it's just the Batfamily.

Batman/Bruce, in the middle of a huge argument in the diner room: I have no favorites.

Batman (to the camera): My favorite is Cass. She can neutralize every single one of us.

Camera on cass eating a bagel, while Bruce narrates: And I respect that.

---

Duke: Cass.

---

Cass: Duke.

---

Steph: Cassie!

---

Selina: You know who it is.

---

Jason (to the camera): Dick? Oh that's so fucking easy it's the gremilin

Tim (To the camera): It's the gremlin.

Oracle/Babs (To the camera): Damian.

Steph: Evil child.

Damian: Me.

Dick as nightwing in a rooftop walking around with his hands: Oh my god, I can't belive you even asked me this??! We are all a big ass family and- We just keep going, like there's so many people here who I never saw before snd they just *poof* keep spalming and- Like cmon guys get a grip-

Dick (To the camera): *sight*

Dick:... It's Damian.

----

Jason (To the camera) without batting an eye: Tim.

Cameraman: I'm sorry- *checks notes* I'm confused... Didn't you to- Tried. to kill Tim Drake once?

Jason:

Jason: So?

------

Tim (To the camera): I feel like I should say Bruce....

Tim: I mean it needs to be someone I admire, respect, enjoy and stand up for despite all flaws.

Tim: Like despite every single wrongs right?

Tim:

Tim:

Tim, horrofied: Oh my god it's Jason.

Jason on the other side of the window behind Tim wearing a full Red-Hood atire and holding a cellphone gen 1: HA-HA.

----

Alfred (to the camera): It's not Master Bruce.

Bruce: Alfred? Definitely not me.

Dick: It's Bruce.

Alfred (to the camera): You don't raise as many children as the fate bring to your doorstep by yourself, take care of their wounds, wait for them in a cold night without getting any type of rest until you receive a single sign indicating that they got home safe and then get the luxury to choose.

Alfred (To the camera): I wouldn't even consider the luxury of choosing.

Alfred, serving tea at the dinner table: You all made my hair go gray equally.

----

Babs (To the camera): Me.

----

Damian: This is ridiculous, obviously I would pick my father.

Damian to the camera: Nightwing.

---

Harley: I'm not even sure how y'all let me be part of this.

Camera man: We didn't-

---

Commissioner Gordon ( To the camera): If I'm being honest I feel like I resent every single one of them.

Commissioner Gordon: Except of course, my daughter.

#they're triyn #batfam #batfamily #batfam incorrect quotes #batfam shenanigans #jason todd #dick grayson #tim drake #batman #bruce wayne #duke thomas #stephanie brown #cassandra cain #barbara gordon #jim gordon #redhood #nightwing #red robin #robin #the signal #batgirl #commissioner gordon #orphan #there's so many fucking people on this fucking family fuck you

[bebebelll]

Pretty girls and flowers | lando norris smau

pairing: lando norris x student!reader warning: cursing, unrealistic if lando did this in real life the girl would absolutely get doxxed

yn_phd good morning by best pals! this month's episode will be out this tuesday. my lovely amazing talented so pretty best friend got two tickets to silverstone so if you're there come say hello👋! the podcast guest will be my old professor from freshman year so put down any questions you have about mary i of england! stay healthy and hydrated ❤️❤️

liked by bestie_n and 8 475

bestie_n omg dont praise me like that im blushing

username can you ask why henry 8 never made a marriage for mary?

username god i dont even like history that much but fuck are vlogs calming and sweet and pretty af

scuderiaferrari it's been a lovely weekend with charles_leclerc and carlossaiz55! P4 and P7 💪 Here is the first taste of the silverstone photo dump!

liked by charles_leclerc, landonorris and 193 847 others

username CHARLES IN P4 CHARLES IN P4 CHARLES IN P4 I REPEAT CHARLIE CHUCK IS IN P4

landonorris whos that?

carlossainz55 its me landonorris no the pretty one charles_leclerc me? landonorris ew no the PRETTY one charles_leclerc ew? i will drive you to the wall

username not charles threatening to send lando into the wall in the comments

username you just fucking know he'd do it too just ask max

username is lando trying to hook up with the girl in the photo?

yn_phd i put on a little bow so i could be the prettiest girl at the bookstore ❤️today i wrote a page, went on a reading binge about chariot racing in ancient rome, had a breakdown and ate pasta.

liked by bestie_n, carlossainz55 and 11 264 others

username is this the girl @ landonorris

username lando the pretty girl is here

username cmon lando shoot your shot

username i mean he'll miss but its gonna be funny username no one trusts the rizz of this man with a shit beard

bestie_n who is lando? where have you people come from?

carlossainz55 i think this is the girl we were with

carlossainz55 she got lost around the track so we took a photo and got a staff member to help her. she was prettier in real life. good luck mr no rizz you need it username NOT CARLOS COMING FOR LANDO

username LANDO NORRIS

username this is the girl? not really seeing it doesnt feel like landos type you know

landonorris haha okay people lets not do this haha its not that funny it is a bit embarrasing hah (my dms are open for pretty girls always)

alex_albon well youre talented in the car at least

landonorris my dad scolded me for getting drunk on twitter so i went to eat their fridge empty. love being home

liked by carlossainz55, yn_phd and 385 749 others

username is he trying to look extra cute and soft to seduce the pretty girl?

username you just googled boyfriend material and tried your best huh

georgerussel63 i though youd chosen to go with the shirtless gym photos?

alex_albon you sent like fifteen different gym pics to the groupchat and then dont choose even one? fuck our help then i guess landonorris shut up shut up shut up

username i can see the pretty girl in the likes though 👀

yn_phd me and the gang went to a lecture about lord byron's sex life on thursday. i had a pretty cute visitor this weekend and even our lord and king aragorn the cat liked him!!

liked by landonorris, bestie_n and 9 736 others

bestie_n it was a lecture about lord byron's reputation and fame and how it effected the romance genre?

yn_phd exactly!

username are we gonna get an episode about THE george gordon byron please say yes

yn_phd my best pal i will rant about the whole geneva squad

username did lando norris actually do it

username did landonorris attend the lecture too?

landonorris ive never been happier that i chose karting and skipped school

yn_phd i have discovered hidden depths in myself. i can cry about essay structures and then drive bumper cars an hour later

liked by landonorris, alex_albon and 11 379 others

landonorris it was just karting babe they were not bumper cars

yn_phd but i crashed so much? landonorris you were great!! i was so proud!! 🧡

username okay but how does this relationship even work? if she doesnt know anything about racing?

yn_phd i tell him everything about the tudor dynasty and he explains to me how the drs works

landonorris use date night to play uno and see whos more competitive (me, i won)

liked by yn_phd, alex_albon and 385 739 others

yn_phd the way i screamed after you gave me those cards

username lando really be gambling with a new relationship

alex_albon poor girl

georgerussell63 remember when we played uno and lando got a +4 card from all of us and he got a mental breakdown alex_albon yeahh we had to take 10min break cause he left for a drive around the block maxverstappen1 the neighbours made a noise complaint too

yn_phd i got him flowers and later we both crash landed on the bowling alley floor

liked by landonorris, bestie_n and 13 847 others

alex_albon oh so this why you called me crying your tits off

maxverstappen1 he called you too?

landonorris pretty girl🧡🧡

yn_phd pretty guy❤️❤️

#lando norris #lando norris x reader #formula 1 x reader #lando norris insta au #f1 social media au #lando norris imagine

[transtravisstoll]

Batkids Age Reversal List

want to do a age reversal AU for the batkids but why do the comics keep fucking up their ages this has taken me weeks of trying to figure out i’m gonna off the DC comic writers. if you have any better ideas for their ages pls let me know im going to gouge my eyes out if i have to do any more math.

alfred: ???

-immortal. fuck you. he looked death in the face and told him to stop tracking mud all over his freshly mopped floors and that dinner was at eight.

bruce: 39

-had damian at eighteen bc i wanted it to be as close to his age gap with dick in canon as possible but i am not having this man fathering a child at 15

damian: 21

-came to gotham at age 8, refused to be a normal kid bc he was literally raised an assassin and bruce doesn’t know how to encourage nonviolent activities in children so letting him fight crime seemed… better than being an assassin. he, at the age of eight, could not come up with a name that wasn’t fucking Terrifying so whenever gordon asked for his “little shadow”‘s name they were suspiciously silent bc no, damian, you can not call yourself Vengeance or Malice. the media called him shadow and it stuck.

duke: 18

-wanted to keep his age gap with tim similar, but with duke being the older one, instead of doing dick and jason’s age gap bc it makes more sense this way.

-his parents got jokerified when he was 12, and so did a Lot of people in the Narrows. it absolutely decimated their little community so duke became signal. he didn’t fight crime, he gave back to his community, he helped with the cleanup. bruce ended up basically kidnapping the poor kid. (duke ran away from his foster home because he wasn’t a glorified babysitter or maid, fuck you, he can crash on couches.)

STEPH: 16

-again, wanted to keep the age gap between steph and tim the same but keeping steph the older one. makes more sense this way!! leave me alone.

-became spoiler at 13, was only spoiler for a year before she became shadow at 14 for about six months in between damian and jason. there was a six month period as well where bruce didn’t have a shadow and alfred literally had to bribe steph to be shadow bc he wasn’t abt to let a kid run around the gotham night without knowing batman was two steps ahead of them. plus, having a kid with him made bruce more cautious.

TIM: 15

-FINALLY got to mimicking the age gap between dick and jason in canon

-never becomes shadow, actually, he takes bab’s spot as their computer wiz. doesn’t call himself oracle though because he fucking sucks at making names. calls himself override (barf).

-also, steph is the only one who hes told he’s override to and also knows the batfam’s identities

-duke knows tim is override bc he’s scary like that!! tim doesn’t know duke knows he’s override, but duke knows that tim knows their identities and tim Also doesn’t know that. duke is fr terrifying. love him.

-tim figured out the batfam because of duke’s meta abilities bc he’s also scary like that

Jason: 14

-oh, he’s… currently out of commission. became shadow at 12.

-didn’t die in ethiopia, because fuck that plot. he was doing a stakeout but the joker had kidnapped this itty little baby (an eight year old boy) who he found running around the gotham night. jason went out of commission saving that little boy. what does out of commission mean? who knows. could be dead. could be severely injured. kidnapped. the possibilities are endless.

-i think it’s fucked that the comic fans voted for a fifteen year old to die by the joker. y’all are crazy.

cass: 13

-mimicking jason and cass’ age gap with cass being younger bc it makes more sense leave me alone

-isn’t a Batman approved shadow (yet) but she shadows batman anyways after jason’s… indisposed. the bonus is that batman doesn’t Know he has a shadow but gotham is kept in the dark abt shadow being (redacted) because cass and jason had the same exact fucking build, okay, jason hasn’t gotten his growth spurt yet (because of childhood malnutrition) . weird how batman lost weight though, after he went on that rage incident after the latest arrest of the joker. he’s leaner now. (is it the same batman? who knows.)

dick: 8

-mimicking the tim and damian age gap, bc it’s six years in my head leave me alone.

-huh, jason went out of commission saving an eight year old and dick is eight… suspicious. coincidence? hm.

babs: 7

-mimicking the babs and dick age gap but with babs being younger bc i think she’s older in canon? unsure. DC please i’m going to kill you and then me.

#batkids #batman #dick grayson #stephanie brown #tim drake #damian wayne #duke thomas #jason todd #reverse robins #dc comics

[deadsetobsessions]

More triplet tim PLEASEE

Aye, aye!

@batman-soup your idea just gives on giving omg what magic are you cooking in your head bc this prompt literally went absolutely crazy in mine

Commissioner Gordon was a decorated veteran of the GCPD, having lasted in the force longer than most without buckling under the pressure and temptation of being a dirty cop. That means he’s seen some shit, and he’s been in some shit. Even when Batman made his debut, even when he had to cover for Bru- ahem, Batman’s fool ass, James Gordon hadn’t even considered stoping in his effort to better the GCPD.

As he blankly stared at Batman, who looked as tired as Gordon felt, and the- not one, not two, but three- Robins following him, Commissioner Gordon seriously considered going down stairs and handing in his letter of resignation on the spot.

“Batman,” he greeted the Dark Knight, in the tone one might use when saying “Batman, what the fuck?!”

“Commissioner Gordon.” Batman said, sounding like he swallowed gravel and spent his nights crying instead of beating up Gotham’s criminal underbelly. “This is… the Robins. They’ve been… switching out until they were all ready.”

“Hey, Mister Gordon!” One of the Robins chirped. Commissioner Gordon pinched himself. Maybe he got micro-dosed with fear toxin? Commissioner Gordon nodded at the Robin who spoke.

“Commissioner Gordon!” The second one smiled at him.

“Commissioner Gordon.” The third one said, shoulders back.

“Have there always been… three of you?” Gordon asked, perplexed.

“You’ve actually all met us before, but don’t worry about it! Whatcha got for us this time?”

“Robin,” Batman growled.

“Yes?” “Yeah?!” “What.”

Commissioner Gordon chugged his coffee, to avoid laughing at Batman’s exasperated demeanor. Privately, he wished the coffee was a strong, black out worthy drink, and that the Robins gave Batman the stress Gordon experienced at Batman’s antics.

“It is important.”

“Yeah, yeah, we got it, B.” Regular Robin, Gordon deemed, waved him off.

“But we’re currently not taking mental health advice from you, you walking therapist’s wet dream.” Serious Robin scoffed.

“So you can stick your opinion where the sun doesn’t shine!” Chirpy Robin said. Gordon had wanted to name him happy Robin, but he’s not getting the feeling of “happiness” from him.

“I will bench you.”

“Try me,” all of them defiantly said at the same time. Gordon smothered a laugh, but by the glare Batman sent him, he wasn’t too successful at hiding it.

Batman visibly gave up, shoulders slumping. “Commissioner Gordon, what do you have for…us.”

“There’s, heh, Penguin’s expansion.” Gordon looked away from Batman’s baleful look, mustache twitching with suppressed laughter.

“He’s expanding his weapons trading.” Regular Robin said. Serious Robin nodded, leaning back on his heels in thought.

“That’s a sign of an upcoming turf war.”

“Red Hood’s part of it! I saw Penguin’s guys lurking around his safe house!”

“Why do you know where his safe house is, Robin?” Gordon might acknowledge that they’re trained vigilantes, but at the end of the day, Robin is still a child that shouldn’t be near a crime lord, especially a highly dangerous and highly trained one like the Red Hood.

“Prank! Don’t worry about it!”

Gordon side-eyed the Bat. When Batman didn’t move to say anything, he shrugged and let it go. There’s only one person more protective of Robin than the rest of Gotham’s non-criminal city, and that’s Batman. Gordon caught the three of them exchanging glances- a whole conversation he and Batman were not privy to- and suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to go home and never leave his bed again.

“You know where he’s staying, Robin?” Batman asked, when the silence got too long.

“Yep!” They chorused, even the serious one. Batman looked like he wanted to step back but held on like his pride was on the line.

“We can handle Penguin.” The serious one stated.

“You can get the goons, Batman!”

“I’ll rob them blind,” regular Robin grinned.

“Dibs on Penguin!”

“I’ll get the weapons.”

Batman sighed.

“Godspeed, Robins.” Gordon told the youngsters. To Batman, before he left, “Good luck.”

Batman grunted and disappeared. It sounded like a tearful thanks. Commissioner Gordon took a puff of his smoking pipe and decided to end the day today. He did not want to deal with the Robins and whatever terror they were about to unleash on Penguin.

——

“Penguuuuuiiiiiiinnnn, where aaaaare youuuu?!” Lionel sang, whacking a goon across the head with a pipe. “Come ooout!”

Archy, gleefully lugging away bags of tech and guns, jerked his head at the left hallway. He wound around the bodies of the unconscious goons Batman beat up. Lionel grinned at him in thanks and, bouncing along, went to beat up the Penguin.

“Robin, that is evidence.” Batman stopped Archy.

“It’s only evidence if it gets logged. Besides, I’m not going to do anything with them… much.”

Batman scowled, remembering the parenting books he devoured after adopting Jason. Be firm.

“You are not going to give them to Hood to help with his turf war.”

“Give me one good reason why.”

Tim, passing the arguing pair, snorted. “C’mon B, at least Hood’s guys will make sure to not use them to hurt kids. Who knows what the GCPD will do with this many guns.”

“And, not to mention, you let me get shot when we fought Dent.” Archy looked up at Batman balefully, rubbing his side. Batman grimaced… but stood aside.

Archy smirked.

“B, help me out with this,” Tim shouted, patting the top of Penguin’s heavy safe. Batman sighed and took out his laser cutter. Or, as Dick named it, Batlaser.

“Batman is supposed to be a symbol,” Batman rumbled.

“Yeah, of vengeance and justice. I’m getting justice for my stolen bat-tech, Robin L is getting vengeance for that one time Penguin kidnapped him, and Robin A is getting… stuff. Now c’mon, I can’t carry all this gold by myself. I gotta loot the goons too!”

“Do not loot the goons.”

“You’re right. If they had cool stuff, they probably wouldn’t be working for Penguin.” Tim brightened as he shuffled through the Penguin’s hoard of treasures. “Oo! Lookit! Tax evasion!”

“… You memorized his tax returns when Oracle hacked it, didn’t you.”

“Obviously. Keep up, old man.” Archy snarked as he walked back in to grab some more stuff. “Hood’s on the way with Nightwing and I want froyo, so chop chop!”

Batman sighed.

——

Penguin huddled against the crate, heart pumping a rhythm of abject terror.

His night had been going so well! He had drinks in one hand, a beauty in another, and the weapons trading game underneath his feet! The Cobblepots were going to rise once more!

Then, the slide of gravel, here and there.

Fear.

A low chuckle. The Bat?

Fear.

The squeal of a hinge.

Fear.

Bubbly laughter. Oh no. Robin.

Batman and Robin had dropped to the floor of the base, knocking his goons out left and right.

“Ge’ your fat nose outta my business, Bats!” He had went to wave his umbrella to send spikes at the pair, only to be stopped cold.

He turned around slowly and … Robin?

“Wha-?”

“Heya, Penguin! Nice seeing you again!”

“Agh!” Blinding pain erupted on his face, nose leaking blood. Penguin stumbled back as the psychotic Robin laughed.

“There’s two Robin! Run!” His goons shouted. “Boss, run!” Cobblepot stumbled away, mentally noting to give that goon a raise, once he could see more than red tinged blurs.

“Wrong. There’s three.” A cold voice sounded out, followed by the quick sounds of bodies dropping. Oswald Cobblepot ran, because he was not meant to deal with more than one Robin. The world was not meant to have more than one, so it definitely wasn’t ready for three.

The door creaked open. Oswald Cobblepot peeked his head out from behind the crate. He heaved a sigh of relief when he saw an empty doorway. Maybe he forgot to close it when he ran in.

“Heya, Oswald!”

Penguin looked up, eyes darting from the blood stained pipe and straight into the grinning maw of a Robin.

“… Bollocks.”

#batman #tim drake #that one triplet au #Tim Drake is a triplet AU #triplet Tim Drake #Batman is getting guilt tripped #he knows but also he deserves it #i mean come on #Penguin: I have no fear #lionel existing as Robin: ;))) #Penguin: I have one fear #Archy just straight up sedating a bunch of goons with sleep darts #Batman and Robin Tim were the distractions

[sideeve]

NOTHING’S GONNA HURT YOU BABY with Jason Todd

even as the arkham knight , he would never let anything bad happened to you

arkham knight x f!batgirl!reader/jason todd x f!batgirl!reader

based off of the game “arkham knight” and the dlc “a matter of family” , angst , bruce is your father ( adopted or not ) , reader and jason are in love but are not together , jason pretty much kidpnapping the reader , reader’s race or looks aren’t specified , lovers reunited trope

“breaking news! commissioner gordon has been captured by the joker.”

bruce has called you to the batcave, informing you about the upcoming mission he is sending you on. “well why can’t you do it?” jason questions, following behind you. “because, jason, joker specifically said that if i attempted at saving the commissioner, he will die. i can’t risk it.”

jason groans. “it’s okay, jason. i’ll be back soon. with gordon alive.” you attempt at cheering him up. “but…i don’t like you going alone.” you smirk at him pouting. you began to promise him, “i know. after this, we’ll go on every mission together.”

while on your way to the abandoned amusement park, jason always chimed in, checking on you. “i’m at the park.” jason hums, “why are you being quiet all of a sudden?” he doesn’t answer.

you grew nervous, you have never been on a mission with back up. “fuck.” you whispered under you breath. there was a thug rounding next to you, inching close to you. “don’t worry, [ name ]. you got this.” he spoke in your com.

little did you know that jason was perched right on your location, watching you. “how can you be so sure?” he took this as a moment to help you. “well for one, robins are good luck.” he smirks at you.

it’s been three years since you stepped down from the title as batgirl. you couldn’t stand to fight crime without your best friend by your side.

bruce accepted your choice, even though he has told you to never step down from a fight. but he understood your reasoning. he missed jason too.

but you didn’t leave bruce all together. you still helped him. just behind a screen.

“[ name ]! lock the clock tower now!” bruce screams at you. “what are you talking about? no one knows i’m here.” you laugh off his urgency.

the elevator door sounds, catching you attention. before you could see the person, a smoke bomb explodes, covering the room. “go! go! go!”

you couldn’t see anything. you felt a hand grab your arm. you tried to fight them off, but they were too strong.

“let go of me!” your cries were muffled by a gloved hand. “shh, i’ve got you. nothing is going to hurt you. now that i’m here.”

you felt a needle poke you, inserting a liquid in your arm, making you drowsy.

you woke up in an unfamiliar room. the bed was soft. the room had a good temperature. it was like…your home. but it wasn’t.

“you’re awake. finally.” the booming voice makes you jump. “i didn’t mean to scare you. really, the plan wasn’t to scare you at all. but, you were acting terrible. and i couldn’t do anything else.”

he laughs humorlessly. “what-who are you?” your voice quivers. “you really don’t know, do you, [ name ]?” he clicks a button, his mask lifting, exposing his face.

“oh my god…” you felt your heart jump out of your chest. “i thought you were dead. joker sent the video and everything. bruce and i didn’t stop looking for you. how are you…”

“i know. it’s a lot to explain. but i’m back.” you run up to hug him. “don’t you ever leave me again, asshole.” he laugh, “not planning on it.”

#jason todd x reader #jason todd #jason todd angst #jason todd fluff #jason todd fanfiction #jason todd fic #dc fanon #dc fanfiction #arkham knight x reader #arkham knight #arkham knight fanfiction #arkham knight fanfic

[apprenticestanheight]

Post Bathroom trap! Adam Stanheight x gn! reader headcanons

allllll right!! An anon came into my inbox and got me thinking about Adam as a vet as he mentioned wanting to be one the original saw script, and now this exists! Thank you to that anon for spurring on this idea (though you had no idea you did, and I have no idea if you're reading this) this was fun to write!

this fic was ALSO an excuse to imagine adam in this style of glasses (I can admit that I am entirely biased as a glasses wearer myself but I thought about it for two seconds and then was like "this will never cease to be my favorite thing ever." so now we're here)

Fic type- fluff

Warnings- mentions of PTSD related avoidance (adam refuses to go back to the part of the city where the trap was located), mentions of nightmares/anxiety and ptsd being tripped up by something unspecified, mentions of dehydration and starvation after Adam was rescued. Also, this set of headcanons was longer than I had meant for it to be so oops.

Okay, so!!

Adam is found by the police with Lawrences help (also john kramers--a guilt ridden Lawrence Gordon would BEG for Adams life to be saved and for the spare key to the cuff on Adams ankle and you cannot ever convince me otherwise) and insistence from you (who had filed a missing persons report after a day of missed calls, texts that never delivered, and the stray cat Adam occasionally looked after was found mewing at his door, begging to be allowed entrance to his apartment) after four days. He's starving and dehydrated as all fucking hell, but he dimly registers being lifted onto a gurney and the sound of your voice as you tell him you love him and that he's alive, that he's okay.

He goes through surgery (y'know, bullet wounds and all) and wakes up to be told that, due to the spot in his shoulder where the bullet wound up, he's probably going to deal with consistent pain there the rest of his life.

He's just grateful to be out, really. Grateful that Lawrence kept his word, grateful that you harassed the police, in essence, because you cared so much about him.

He's rehydrated with fluids and eats until he's not hungry anymore, still finding the time within exhaustion and it's interruptions with food and your company to fret about seeing Lawrence in the hospital.

I mean--Lawrence does come to see him, but only when he's asleep because stressing Adam out is not a good idea when he's been out of the trap for two days and is going to be in the hospital for another five at minimum.

Lawrence writes Adam a letter of apology, though, and Adam reads it while you've gone home to shower and to feed the stray that comes by his apartment. He doesn't want to accept Lawrences apology to his face, but he decides that some part of him understands why Lawrence did it as he did, and internally accepts Lawrences apology, deciding to let himself move on from it as best he can.

Adam gets discharged from the hospital after a week, at which point he's like "okay. to start, I need to stop doing freelance. That shit almost got me killed."

He's also traumatized and VERY anxious about going to the part of Jersey where the trap is located. Being freelance might mean he has to go to that area, which plays a bigger part than he's willing to admit.

He's sitting in your apartment one day, having been too anxious to go back to his even after he'd been assured that Jigsaw believed how grateful he'd managed to become and would not test him again unless he did something that Jigsaw deemed worthy of such a test.

He starts thinking about life while sitting at your kitchen table, open and closing his fist while doing that "powpowpowpowpow!!" sound that you do when you're messing with kittens as the stray you'd taken in after finding her covered in oil on the side of the road had found herself on your kitchen table.

He looks at you, having just ordered your favorite takeout, and goes "Remember high school?"

You nod at this, anxious but excited to see where, exactly, he plans to take the conversation.

"We started dating in October of sophomore year," you said. "You dropped out March of junior year, Adam. I remember it."

Adam remembers it, too, watching you walk across the stage as a high school graduate where he'd dropped out because he was flunking. He remembers feeling proud of you, supporting you with forehead kisses and promises to order your favorite food if you studied, helping you work your way through your college degree.

"What's got you thinking about it?" you'd ask as Adam lifted the stray orange tabby kitten into his arms, tucking her under his chin.

"I was thinking... remember how I wanted to be a vet?"

You look at him, head tilted, mouth slightly agape. Of course you'd remembered, but those dreams were ones you thought he'd given up on.

"Yeah," you nod. "Yeah. I remember. Why?"

"I was looking into it and I think I'm going to get my GED," Adam says. "Might also look into taking the SATs, I heard that a decent score will help me get a bachelors degree. Once I get my bachelors, I'll go to vet school."

"Adam," you whisper, a little stunned. "Oh my God. Are you serious?"

Adam grins, gaze meeting yours as he nods.

You have a like,, like,, you're just...

you're SO HAPPY because you have loved that man for a literal DECADE by the time he's like "okay yeah. I'm going to get my life together."

You stand up and head to the kitchen, delighting in the sound of Adams laughter as you go.

"Grabbing the good whiskey?" He calls.

"The best stuff in our cabinets!" you call back.

So the cycle starts.

Adam gets himself enrolled in the GED program your old high school offers, and many nights are spent with Adam, glasses on his face and cat dubbed Spice sitting on the couch cushion behind him, studying to make sure he gets the materials right.

You help him take practice tests and kiss him senseless the first time he gets a near perfect score, and from then it only seems like things get better.

Adam aces the GED test and gets the diploma, lets himself smoke a cigarette for the first time since the trap to celebrate the victory because, even if he didn't get the diploma until eight years after he should've graduated and gotten it, he still got it.

Then, you help him study for the SATs and Spice the cat bats at his notes and the textbooks he studies from whenever one of their corners is hanging off the coffee table.

You get VERY USED to the sight of Adam in his glasses because,, studying and wearing CONTACTS?? no. that sounds like a nightmare.

he gets a good score on the SATs and then applies to a decent college in the city to do a bachelors in science with a focus on zoology.

GUESS WHAT?? He's in college doing his bachelors and working part time as a secretary at the local vets office so that he can sort of get a feel for the environment he'll be expecting post vet school.

You're at his side throughout the entirety of it, and when Adam starts going to therapy (lets be honest--he busies himself with first his GED, then the SATS, then applying and getting into the college he wants for his bachelors and also working part time at the vets offices to avoid thinking about his experience in the bathroom trap) you're supportive of him throughout every step because he supported you through high school, and college, and the long nights spent making sure your career went how you wanted it to go.

He and Lawrence develop a friendship after some time as well, which is nice, and eventually, without realizing it, Adam has developed his own little support system.

Granted, by the time he's hitting 30 and graduating with his bachelors, it's 2008 and his support system is made up of his partner, a doctor with whom he was trapped by the oh-so infamous Jigsaw, and an orange tabby cat who you lovingly washed free of oil and ticks with dawn dish soap when she was two weeks old, but it counts.

He gets into vet school and you hug-tackle him when he tells you the news.

You knock his glasses onto the floor and the two of you end up kissing, breathless on the couch of the apartment you'd moved into together, both because your old one was heading steadfastly into disrepair and remaining unfixed by the landlord, and to celebrate that he'd finished the bachelors degree at which he had worked tirelessly.

The two of you watch Spice the cat bat his glasses around, breathless but completely and utterly elated.

Adam goes to a vet school in the state and it's more studying, more forehead kisses and a lot of restless nights consumed by kissing whenever he correctly guesses the answer from one of his study flashcards, making jokes and laughing just a bit at one anothers expenses, crying into Spice the cats fur whenever it all gets too overwhelming.

he graduates the vet school in 2012, and at that point he has an 'oh shit' moment where he's like

"okay wait. so. I am thirty four. I have been dating Y/N since we were sixteen. we've been dating for eighteen years and haven't gotten married?? what??"

SO HE'S LIKE: 'okay. vets make decent money. I am going to buy them a ring and it's gonna be amazing.'

realistically, he's thirty four and realizing at that point (when the two of you are financially stable enough to be looking at fucking HOUSES in the early 2010s) that the two of you have been together for more than half of your lives and he's making good enough money that money and making the rent isn't a concern anymore and it's a genuine shock.

John Kramer died (which was a story that broke national news) and Adam has had the time to heal, which he finds even odder but it's--it's a nice kind of odd.

So, he starts working as a vet at the office where he used to be a secretary and with his first paycheck, he BUYS YOU A RING. SWEET SWEET MAN.

He proposes in February of 2013 (not on valentines day, but on the 26th because that's your nineteen year anniversary) at the place where you had your first date

the place?? a bookstore that sold used cameras at a discount. Adam proposed to you with a book of memories and photographs he'd taken chronicling those memories. At the end it has the words 'will you marry me?' and a photo of Spice the cat asleep on a sign that says 'look up' so then you do

AND BOOM. HE'S ON HIS KNEE. A BOX IS OPEN IN HIS HAND. A RING IS IN THAT BOX.

You laugh a little and pull a ring out of your pocket, offering it to him as you try to fend off the urge to comment about how unserious it seems despite how serious it is.

ADAM IS AS SHOCKED AS YOU WERE WHEN HE BROUGHT UP GETTING HIS GED.

He's like "a ring? why would they--OH SHIT. THEY HAD THE SAME IDEA."

The two of you just...silently laugh in the bookstore while you nod and slip the rings you bought onto the others finger, kissing and hugging because what even was that day. what.

You get married on that day in 2014, when the two of you have been together for a literal whole entire TWENTY FUCKING YEARS because you're just that cool.

It's also a little weird for Adam--he's 36 at this point, the anniversary of his escaping the trap will come around in late November.

Its good weird, though. He's still privy to weed on occasion--particularly nights where the nightmares come back and he can't sleep, or when he sees something that trips him up and sends him back to that bathroom, cuffed by the ankle to a pipe, the key having gone skittering down the drain--but he doesn't smoke nearly as often as he did during his mid-twenties.

man rakes in 125,000 american dollars, has a fucking MORTGAGE AND CAR INSURANCE BILL and on the day of the wedding you two are looking back at 2004 and are just like "woah. A lot has changed in the last decade"

Adam has gotten to become the person that the guy who was cuffed by the ankle never thought he'd be, though, so he's super proud of himself and his accomplishments.

you're proud of him, too--you have a cat, a mortgage, a car insurance bill and aren't worried about the paying of any of those bills in the slightest. Marrying him is one of your greatest accomplishments because?? hello?? marrying the love of your life who turned his life around in less than six thousand days?? he is. he is amazing. and you just. you just love him wholeheartedly

all in all, it's a good existence and I have to believe Adam would've done good for himself after surviving the trap because if I don't then I can't sleep at night lolz

#adam stanheight #adam stanheight x reader #saw 2004 #saw franchise #sawposting

[prinnamon]

i was gonna comment this under a youtube video but at this point i think it needs to be its own post.

sometimes i forget how frustrating Xen was to play because i adore it so much from a narrative standpoint. throughout the entirety of half-life 1, you are fighting creatures who have been ripped from their natural environment and thrust into an unfamiliar place. some of them are sentient but enslaved, having no choice but to fight you and aid the invasion of Earth. some of them have an intelligence more comparable to animals, and they are reacting to the situation as animals react, fighting and utilizing their own evolved defense mechanisms to prolong their own lives, but since this harms us and others we are forced to see them as a threat and eliminate them.

Xen puts the player in the position of the alien, ripped from your home and sent somewhere totally unlike anything you have seen before. you have no frame of reference, nothing to which to compare your surroundings. every outside stimulus is completely new and you have to process it all at once every second with no prior experience to draw from. and the things here, whether they mean to be or not, are hostile to you, so you have to fight back. gordon is now in the position of Houndeye #274 who was eebied from its relaxing healing spring into the bright unwelcoming halls of Black Mesa!!! i think it could even be argued that gordon's position is almost even analogous to that of the Vortigaunts, since we learn later that gordon was manipulated somewhat by forces outside his control, and for all the talk about him being a "free man," he never had much choice but to do what he did if he wanted to survive.

in my mind, these are some of the core themes of hl1: humans aren't alone, humans aren't benevolent, and humans are kind-of fucking terrifying from an outsider's perspective. the nihilanth bossfight reinforced that for me, because the only way the player can win is by behaving like a persistence predator. humans' strength isn't in their raw power. if that was the only factor in the fight between the player and the nihilanth, the player would lose. it's because no matter how frustrating it is, the player has patience to keep pushing forward, to keep removing themself from the places where the nihilanth tries to get rid of them, to chip away at the boss's health and destroy the things giving it power. going a step further up the ladder of abstraction, the player may die and get teleported away from the fight dozens of times, but they have the power to quicksave and reload for a better outcome. some people may put the game down, but chances are if you got that far in the game you persist through the tedium and win.

from the nihilanth's perspective, the entire fight is like that scenario where you are immortal but somewhere in the world there is an also-immortal and indestructible snail that kills you if it touches you and it is always approaching you no matter what but you never know where it is unless you can see it. that's what the player is. the player is a very slow-moving but deadly force that will inevitably always win by virtue of the fact that it does not tire (can pause, recuperate, and return to the fight at any time) and it does not want anything except to destroy its opponent (literally cannot leave without doing so).

and since that impacted me so much, i conveniently forget about the bullshit jumping puzzles along the way

#prinna's posts #half-life #half life #hl1 #xen

[sinsiriuslyemo]

Title: Sleep Just To Dream

Pairing: Jim Gordon/Reader

Rating: PG13 (language, crime scene and dark humor)

Summary: Sometimes your dreams were so vivid that they would affect your mood even after you were awake. After you dream of catching Jim in a compromised situation, you have a hard time letting go of the jealousy that follows.

Notes: This is meant to be a fluffy comedy, and was once again, an idea I woke up with.

Warning: none, but I guess a dark sense of humor since I'm joking about infidelity? Yeah, idk

A sharp intake of air was what woke you, the alarm just also happened to be going off, but it was the contents of your dream that had jolted you awake. Your brows knitted and you slowly turned in Jim’s arms as he too roused from sleep. When his eyes fell on you, a smile came to his lips while he rubbed his hand over his face.

“Good morning, sweetheart,” he said, the last word nearly swallowed by a yawn.

He had greeted you the same way every morning for a year, and usually it made you smile at the cozy feeling it left you with. But that morning, you may as well not have heard it.

“You fucked Brooke Shields?” you asked him pointedly.

His brows mirrored your own as he looked back at you. “I’ve never even met Brooke Shields.”

“I saw you!” you insisted.

“Honey, I think maybe you were just dreaming,” he said, reaching for his glasses on the nightstand and putting them on.

“Well, yeah, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t real!”

Tilting his head as his eyes narrowed, Jim tried to suppress a chuckle. It didn’t happen terribly often, but sometimes you would wake up with a vivid memory of your dreams throughout the night. Usually they were just wacky enough for you to easily dismiss their contents, but other times you would carry over the reactions your dreamself had into the real world.

“It’s not funny, Jim,” you mumbled sadly, moving for the first time to get up and shut the alarm off.

“Oh, baby, come on,” he replied, whipping the covers off of him as he got out of bed. “Don’t be sad, it wasn’t real. It was only a dream.”

But you hadn’t heard him, still holding tight to the images you had seen before you’d opened your eyes that morning. “Why would you do that?”

He sighed behind you as you went into the bathroom and turned on the shower, pouting to yourself. Logically, you knew it was only a dream, but it had felt so real in the moment, and it was still vivid in your memory of it. You, getting home early, excited to spend the night with Jim, eating dinner together and snuggling by the fireplace. Only to find him in the kitchen, balls-deep in Brooke Shields. Dream-Jim had been surprised to see you home so early while Dream-Brooke bit her bottom lip to keep from smiling, moving much slower than Dream-Jim, who was pulling up his pants as quickly as he could. The fact that the kitchen was suddenly hot pink from floor to ceiling and that Jim’s mustache was more Gomez Addams than the Jim Gordon you knew didn’t even register. All you could see was your boyfriend with another woman.

It sounded beyond ridiculous. Not only because the most famous person you had ever known Jim to be acquainted with was Bruce Wayne, but also because you knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that Jim would never be unfaithful, to you or anyone really. So then why couldn’t you let this go? Why were you still allowing the image of his bare ass rutting between Brooke’s legs, kissing her neck, saying things to her that he only said to you to linger in your mind?

You stepped into the shower and let the water run over your head, hoping it would wash away the horrible feeling. Jim came into the bathroom from the corner of your eye, tentatively opening the shower door and peering inside.

“I did not fuck Brooke Shields,” he said.

You reached for the shampoo. “I know but you did.”

“Baby, it was just a bad dream, I would never do that to you.”

“I know that too.” You lathered your head, shifting your eyes away from him.

“Can I come in?” he asked, giving you his always effective puppy-dog eyes.

You bobbed your shoulders before rinsing the shampoo out of your hair. “Okay.”

“Didn’t you dream about Sean Connery not too long ago?” he asked, pulling off his clothes and stepping into the shower with you. “I didn’t get upset at that, I know it was only a dream.”

“That was different,” you replied. “I dreamt that we were on a mission together and he was hitting on me. I didn’t dream he was plowing me next to the stove.”

“Next to the stove?!” he asked in surprise.

“While you pan seared steaks no less.”

“Well, that’s just an accident waiting to happen.” He stepped under the water to wet his hair before picking up the shampoo.

“And why did you paint our kitchen pink?”

He grimaced. “You know I hate pink.”

“Oh, was that Brooke’s idea?”

“Yeah, it was likely her idea.”

You turned to look at him, and it seemed he could no longer contain his laughter. Grabbing the bar of soap, you began washing yourself.

“I’m glad it’s so amusing to you.”

“Oh Y/N, come on,” he groaned, a smile still on his face, rinsing his hair before he pulled you against him. “You’re being ridiculous. I would never fuck Brooke Shields.”

You tilted your head, eyes narrowing slightly. Despite your jealousy at that moment, even you could concede that Brooke Shields was objectively hot.

He must’ve reconsidered his statement, because he said, “Okay, fine, yes, she’s beautiful but I didn’t fuck Brooke Shields, and isn’t that the more important fact?”

“But you would,” you said.

“No, I wouldn’t, I’m with you,” he answered without hesitation.

Sighing softly, you nodded and rinsed off, stepping out of the shower to grab a towel.

“Y/N —”

“It’s fine, Jim, you didn’t fuck Brooke Shields. I get it,” you replied, walking out of the bathroom. You heard him mutter, “For fuck’s sake” under his breath. You knew you were being ridiculous, but the jealous wave that had come over you upon seeing your boyfriend in the arms of a gorgeous, six-foot supermodel who had been named one of People’s most beautiful people in the world three times — even if only in a dream — had soured your morning before it had even begun.

You tried to let it go and managed to get through breakfast and the drive to the precinct without mentioning Brooke or the dream you'd had. It wasn’t until you were at a crime scene later that morning that it came up again.

“Vic is Jerolyn Hines, twenty-four years old, lives alone. Looks like she took a nosedive from the roof,” Flass said as you and Stephens walked up from having looked in the victim’s apartment and canvassed her neighbors. “No prints, no witnesses.”

Jim sighed heavily and looked from Flass to the two of you. “Tell me you got more than we did.”

“Just that she’s been a bit jumpy lately,” Stephens answered. “No suicide note, but there may have been a struggle in that apartment. We got some samples of blood and spit just off the kitchen. Oh, and she just started doing runway work for Marcia Van Reese.”

“The fashion designer?” Jim asked.

“Yeah, she spotted our vic at a cafe off of twenty-third street. Apparently she’s known for finding talent in unusual places. Jerolyn’s been acting since she was a kid, mostly soap commercials and print ads.”

“Like Brooke Shields,” you said.

Jim narrowed his eyes at you as Stephens continued, “Anyway, we think maybe Van Reese recognized her from her previous work, offered her a job in her new runway show.”

“What about boyfriends?” Jim asked.

“Neighbor across the hall said she just started seeing a guy last month, but he hasn’t been around for at least a couple of weeks,” you answered. “She had a message on her machine from him. He’s in Paris till tomorrow.”

Letting out another sigh, Jim nodded. “Alright. Finish up here. Flass, get those samples to the lab as soon as you can. Who’s alerting next of kin?”

The three of you lowered your eyes. Notifying family members of their loved one’s death was always one of the worst parts of the job, one that none of you wanted to volunteer for.

“Y/L/N, you and me.” Jim looked at the other two detectives. “We’ll see you two back at the precinct.”

Stephens nodded dutifully. “You got it, Sarge.”

Gesturing with his head for you to follow him, Jim walked toward his car. It wasn’t until you were both inside that he spoke as he turned on the ignition. “Have you still not let go of that dream?”

“I just don’t understand why dream-you would do that,” you said with a bob of your shoulders.

“Because dream-me is clearly an idiot,” he answered. “Have you looked in the mirror lately, baby? You are way more beautiful than Brooke Shields.”

“Don’t patronize me, Gordon,” you replied, shaking your head.

“I’m not!” Glancing at you as he drove, he reached over and took your hand. “What do I need to do to prove to you that you have nothing to be jealous about?”

“I am not jealous,” you said. You knew it was a lie, but you felt foolish being jealous of a woman neither of you had ever met, and who you had only seen in a dream.

“Oh really?” he asked, a smirk causing his mustache to twitch. “Because it seems that way to me.”

“Well, maybe I am, okay? It’s Brooke-fucking-Shields! Have you seen her?! She’s gorgeous!”

“You're gorgeous,” he replied. “Not to mention real.”

“She’s so tall.”

“I like how short you are.”

“She’s a supermodel.”

“Yeah, but I bet she can’t handle a glock like you.”

“She’s been the subject of just about every guy’s fantasies for years!”

“I was actually more of a Farrah Faucet guy in my younger days to tell you the truth,” he answered.

“Not helping!”

“Okay, Y/N, listen to me, you stubborn woman —”

“Stubborn woman with a gun, so tread lightly.”

He laughed, shaking his head. “You have nothing to be jealous about. I have never slept with Brooke Shields, nor have I ever wanted to. That guy in your dream, that wasn’t me.”

You thought for a moment, internalizing his words as your eyes landed on the way his fingers were perfectly slotted between yours. “He did have a really stupid Gomez Addams mustache.”

“See? It wasn’t me,” he replied.

“And who fucks next to a hot stove?”

“I’ll tell you who doesn’t,” he answered, pointing to himself with the thumb on the hand holding the steering wheel. “This guy.”

“Yeah,” you agreed. “You would literally never.”

“Of course not,” he said, pulling up to your destination. Reaching across his lap, he put the car in park, his other hand still holding yours. Bringing it up to his lips, he left a kiss on the back. “I love you so much, honey. I don’t care if it was you in a room with a hundred Brooke Shields, I’d pick you every single time. You know that, right?”

The familiar warmth that fell over you any time he expressed how he felt about you was a welcomed sensation, especially since you’d been lingering on your jealousy since you’d woken up. “Yeah, I know.”

Your eyes shifted to the townhouse across the street, where your victim’s parents lived, the warm feeling quickly dissipating.

“I hate this part of the job,” you mumbled.

“Me too,” he replied. “But we have to do it.”

“I know,” you said. “Hey…” You put a hand on his upper arm, holding him in the car a moment longer. “I’m sorry I was so weird this morning. Sometimes it just takes me a little bit to snap all the way out of a dream.”

“I know,” he replied, smiling at you. “I love how weird you are,” he said, leaning toward you to capture your lips in a brief kiss. “Keeps me on my toes.”

“Good, cause I don’t know how to fix it.”

“There’s nothing to fix,” he replied. “Come on, let’s get this over with. With any luck, we’ll get a lead from the lab.”

“God, I hope so, this is the third murder this week,” you replied. “I already have one other open case, I don’t want another.”

“Maybe after we get home later, we can spend some time together. Watch a movie, take our minds off everything.”

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

You started to unbuckle your seatbelt, as he did the same.

“What do you think? Blue Lagoon?” he teased.

You shook your head, hand on the handle to open your door. “Too soon.”

#jim gordon x reader #jim gordon fanfic #jim gordon #brooke shields #gary oldman fanfiction #gary oldman

[skulduggery-pleasant-bp9]

Playing with a Coroner and a Detective is not wise - Skulduggery x Male!Reader Universe

WARNING!: Mention of corpses, cursing, mention of murder, insulting AND MORE ! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED !!!

Part 4 – China Sorrows

“Samples ?”, Stephanie asked as they followed Skulduggery to his car.

M/n looked at her and sighed.

“Well, please don’t tell Mom...”, M/n begged.

“Don’t tell her what ?”, she asked suspiciously.

“Sis...I am not working as a Marketer. I am a Coroner. I work with corpses.”, M/n admitted.

She stared at him in shock.

“And Mom doesn’t know ?!”, she yelled.

“No, only Uncle G knew, because he paid the schooling for me.”

She had a wide open mouth at that, gaping at her Brother in utter shock. All this time, her Brother worked on corpses and murder cases !

“That’s so cool ! I will not say anything. But expect blackmail.”, she said then.

“Of course you would use it as blackmail...”, M/n sighed with a grin.

Then they arrived at the Detective’s car and M/n gasped, already starting to gush about the model he saw in front of him.

“No way is that a 1954s Bentley R-Type Continental !”, he yelled in excitement.

“It is.”, Skulduggery said with a smile in his voice.

“What is so special about it ?”, Stephanie asked.

M/n turned to her with big eyes of excitement.

“This model was only made to the number of 208 examples ! It has a six cylinder with a 4,5 liter engine too !”, M/n gushed.

“I let a few things be added into it too. I added a Central locking system, air conditioning, navigation system and other modern amenities.”, Skulduggery told M/n.

He was bouncing on his feet, in excitement.

“I will never understand your craze for cars...”, Stephanie muttered.

“Sissy ! I only am crazy for OLD cars ! I LOVE them ! They look cool and not as stupid as the cars nowadays !”, M/n whined at her.

“What is wrong with the cars nowadays ?”

“Everything ! Even the smallest issue, you can’t fix yourself anymore, you need a garage for that and pay a huge amount of cash, for a small thing ! They all look the fucking same and they all don’t have sharp edges anymore ! All the corners of the cars, nowadays, look like someone licked on them until they were round ! Eww !”, M/n complained.

Then he pointed at the Bentley.

“This car was rare and hard to get, thanks to the limited amount of its kind ! And, to make it even better, it was one of the very FEW cars that looked good with round edges ! Also, the engines had more space in old cars. They had longer snouts not as small as nowadays and nothing was all somehow forced inside there. Everything had space.”, M/n added.

(For people who want to know what that car type looked like...)

“Is that why you begged to have that Firebird ?”, she asked.

M/n looked at her offended.

“ ‘That Firebird’ ?”, he scoffed as he repeated her.

“Firebird ?”, Skulduggery asked interested as he unlocked the car.

“I call dips !”, Stephanie yelled and took the passenger seat.

M/n took the back and Skulduggery got inside in the driver’s seat. M/n buckled up and then pouted.

“What Firebird ?”, Skulduggery asked.

“She meant my 1977 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am Y82. MY car, that is currently unavailable.”, M/n answered.

“I haven’t seen one in a long while. I might want to see it one day.”

“Sure. I will probably work with you a few times, for information exchange, so you have a high chance to see it one day.”

Then Skulduggery started the engine and they drove off. It didn’t take long and they were on a road, which M/n and Stephanie didn’t know existed. So M/n asked him how he knew.

“I visited Gordon often, so I drove around here a lot and I know every corner here.”, he answered.

“Huh. That explains it...”, M/n said in thought.

As they drove past a sign that told them the direction to Haggard, Stephanie considered to just ask him to get her home, but she refused and shook the thought away quickly. That would mean that she can forget all of this. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity !

“Where are we going ?”, she asked.

“The City. I have a meeting there with an old friend. Maybe she can shed some light on the recent events.”

“Why were you here ?”, she asked.

“Pardon ?”

“Tonight. Not that we aren’t grateful that you were, but why were you near us ?”, she asked.

“Ah, that question had to come.”

“And will you answer it ? I don’t think you just came for M/n’s reports, for whatever reason you had to get these.”

Now that M/n thought about it, he sounded ready to come over anyways. Stephanie was right, there was more to this...

“I rather not answer that.”, Skulduggery said.

“And why ?”, she pressed.

He turned his head slightly into her direction. It looked like he had them both in his sight, with the street included.

“The less you two know about all of this, the better. You two are very normal children and tomorrow you go back to your very normal lives. It wouldn’t be good, if you two get even deeper involved with this.”

“But we already are deeply involved.”, Stephanie argued back.

“But we can limit the involvement.”, Skulduggery countered.

“But I don’t want to.”, she said.

M/n just watched, amused.

“But it is the best for you and your Brother.”

“But I don’t want that !”

“But it could-“

“No more sentences with ‘buts’ !”

“Okay, I’m sorry.”

M/n laughed at that.

“You two argue like long best friends. It is really funny.”, he chuckled out.

“Hah. Hah.”, she replied in sarcasm.

Then she turned back to Skulduggery.

“You can’t seriously expect us, that we forget all of this, just like that. We saw how magic was used, we saw the fire and YOU ! And we have heard about the war, from which no one taught us in school. We saw a world, from which we didn’t even know, existed.”

“Don’t you want to go back to your normal life ? It is less dangerous.”

M/n scoffed.

“Says who, Pleasant ?”, he asked the Skeleton.

“I don’t belong there.”, Stephanie stated.

“Nor do I. I feel so out of place in my ‘normal’ life. I am just very smart and no one else is. I feel like I never even dug deep enough to discover what else I can learn, that interests me. Magic does. It did since I was a small bean with the age of 6 years. Now I know it is out there, so why not LEARN about it ?”, M/n added.

Skulduggery turned his head completely to her and crooked his head to his side.

“Curious. Your Uncle said the exact same thing as I met him the very first time. Even more curious is that Gordon did tell me, that you, M/n, will want to join the world of mages as soon as you know it exists.”

Then Stephanie asked him if the things, Gordon wrote about, were true about the world of mages, at which M/n only laughed.

“I don’t think he did ! A lot of mages would have came after him, if that were the case. No, no, no. But he told me a few things about the world of mages, I think. I was never allowed to talk to anyone about it and I had to make a pinky promise. Never talked about it.”, M/n said proudly.

“You are probably right...”, she muttered.

“He got inspired by them, but he changed everything so much, so he didn’t embarrass anyone and he didn’t get hunted down or even killed for it. Your Uncle was a very great man, really. We solved many cases together.”, Skulduggery said.

“Really ?”, M/n and Stephanie asked.

M/n was in awe and excitement.

“Oh yes, you can be proud, to have had an Uncle as him. Of course I was involved in many fights, because he dragged me somewhere and just wouldn’t stop to get on other people’s nerves, but...we had fun. A lot of fun.”

M/n smiled saddened at that. He wished he knew.

The drive was very quiet after that, until the lights of the City appeared in front of them. The City was quiet and the streets almost empty. They drove onto a small parking lot, Skulduggery turned off his engine and looked at Stephanie and M/n.

“You two stay here.”, he instructed.

“Okay.”, the two replied.

Skulduggery got out of the car and not even two seconds later did the siblings also get out of the car. They didn’t tag along just to stay in the car. They wanted to see what else the world had to offer for surprises.

“Stephanie, M/n, I’m having doubts, that you respect my authority.”, the Detective said.

“Well, we don’t.”, Stephanie answered.

“You have to earn my respect, like anyone else. And that takes a while.”, M/n replied.

“Oh...well then.”

He put his hat back on and wrapped his scarf around his chin, the wig and sunglasses, he left out though. He pressed on the remote on his keychain, it beeped and the car doors locked themselves.

“That’s all ?”, she asked.

“Steph, not everything can be magical. That would be obvious.”, M/n said softly.

“What your Brother just said.”, Skulduggery agreed and then started to walk away.

They hurried to keep up with him.

“But you do magic from time to time, right ?”, she asked.

“Sometimes. Although, I am trying recently, not to depend on Magic all that much, I’m trying to deal with most of the issues, with what is in there.”, he answered and tapped his skull.

“There is empty space.”

M/n started to laugh at that.

“Yes, but you know what I mean.”, he replied a bit agitated.

“What else can you do ?”, she asked.

“Pardon ?”, the Detective replied.

M/n calmed down with his laughter and looked at them. He liked to be in the background. That way he was rarely noticed and he liked it that way. After all...he had bad memories of the few times he was in the spot light...

Mostly he got bullied, for being smarter, than anyone else in his school and for finishing his scholar ship and for starting work so early and all that. Whenever he was in the spot light, he was mocked, insulted, pushed around and bullied. He liked staying in the back and not draw too much attention to himself.

“Something, that has to do with Magic. Show me something.”, Stephanie said interested.

“What – a living Skeleton isn’t enough for you ? You want more ?”, he asked.

If Skulduggery would have had eyebrows, M/n bet, he would have raised them.

“Yes. Teach me something.”

He shrugged with his shoulders and looked at M/n.

“You too, M/n ?”

The boy was surprised that he was asked and involved too. He wasn’t used to people paying much attention to him. He nodded with a gleam of excitement in his eyes.

“Alright then...I don’t mind. I think it won’t hurt to do that. Two different kinds of Magic exist. The Alchemists do sorcery in one way, the Elemental mages do it differently. The Alchemists are more aggressive, their techniques show faster effects. The Elemental mages in comparison, I am one of them, chose the less spectacular way and make an effort, to control the Elements better.”

“To rule over the Elements ?”, Stephanie asked.

“That is a little bit exaggerated. We don’t rule over them, we manipulate them. We influence them.”

“You mean Earth, Wind-“

“Water and Fire. Exactly.”

“Show me, how.”

Skulduggery crooked his head a bit to his right side and the siblings could hear, that he had fun with this, as he “Fine then” said and he held his open hand out, towards her. She frowned, wondered, why she suddenly was freezing, and only then realized, that a drop of water ran over her face.

She looked to M/n and he was just as much, having small drops of water on himself, but he didn’t seem to freeze.

In the next second were, both of their hair, completely soaking wet, as if they just came out of the water with their head after a dive in it.

“How did you do that ?”, she asked as she shook her head and water drops flew in all directions.

“Hey !”, M/n protested loudly as he got most of them in his face.

He glared at his Sister.

“Biatch, I am standing right BEHIND you ! Stop spraying me even more wet than I already am ! I don’t want water from your greasy hair in my face !”, he yelled childishly.

“To your info, I showered yesterday ! When did you shower, huh ?!”

“Yesterday ! A whole damn stinky, rotting corpse fell on top of me, so I HAD to shower quickly ! It REEKED and had MAGGOTS, YUCK !”

At that Stephanie felt sick and gagged.

“Ewww !”

“Thank you ! Your sympathy is greatly appreciated !”, M/n said with a grin, knowing she didn’t feel bad for him.

Skulduggery chuckled at their playful banters.

“Anyways...I’m gonna guess how he did it. He manipulated the humidity. Which means he did Water.”, M/n said with a smart, know it all, grin.

He looked at M/n.

“Very good. That is correct.”, he praised, impressed.

“The first Element was water. We can’t split the Red Sea or something like that, but we have a little bit of influence about it.”

“Show me that with the fire again.”, Stephanie said.

“I am wet...Couldn’t have anyone told me that I am getting a shower for free ? I would have brought soap, towels and new clothes for that.”, M/n whined playfully.

Skulduggery chuckled. He snapped his gloved hands and sparks flew, he formed a fist and the sparks became a flame and he held the fireball in his hand, while they continued to walk.

The fire burned brighter and she felt, how her hair slowly dried.

“M/n, come over here, I’m drying you off.”, Skulduggery said.

M/n went next to his Sister and sighed as he started to feel himself getting dry.

“Wow.”, Stephanie said.

“Exactly. Wow.”, Skulduggery replied.

“Awesome. Thank you.”, M/n said, relieved.

“Were you cold ?”, she asked.

“Steph...I am a fucking AC no matter the temperature. I don’t sweat in summer and I don’t warm up in the winter, yet barely feel the cold. I wasn’t cold, I was just uncomfortable with my hair sticking to my head, face and neck. It is a disgusting feeling.”

“Ah- I forgot...”, she muttered.

“No shit, Sherlock...”

Skulduggery shook his head in amusement. They like to talk to each other in sarcasm and to roast each other. Gordon really knew them very well.

He threw the fireball into the air, with one quick hand movement and the siblings watched as it started to burn out in the night, until there was nothing to see anymore.

“Nice firework. The boom was missing though.”, M/n said jokingly.

Skulduggery laughed.

“Why thank you, but unfortunately I don’t want to draw attention to us.”, he replied to M/n.

“I had a feeling that was it.”

“What about earth ?”, Stephanie asked.

Skulduggery shook his head.

“You don’t want to see that and hopefully you never will have to see that. The earth power is a pure defensive story and is only allowed to be used at extreme emergencies.”

M/n was confused and concerned at that statement. Was it that big of a deal ?

“So...no stomping with your foot and making an earth quake, to destabilize your enemy ? That doesn’t exist in earth magic ?”, M/n asked.

“No it doesn’t.”, Skulduggery answered.

“Oh man... Earth is supposed to be cool and then you hear that it is the most useless power...”, M/n said saddened.

“It’s not useless-“

“You are not allowed to use it, besides it is an emergency case. Of course it is the most useless then.”, M/n interrupted the Detective with a pout.

Skulduggery was silent at that. He had to agree with M/n at that one. It DID sound the most useless ability. You have it at your disposal, but because of what it can only do, it is forbidden to be used.

“What is the strongest Element ? The fire ?”, Stephanie asked after a while.

“That is the most noticeable, that gets all the ‘Wows’, but you would be surprised what a bit of air can do, if you displace it correctly. Displaced air doesn’t easily disappear, there must be a place, where you can push it to.”

“Can we see it, once ?”

They reached the end of the parking lot and walked past a low wall, which surrounded it. Skulduggery pressed his fingertips on the ball of his hand, spread then his fingers and did a fast movement from his wrist in the wall’s direction. The air shook and the bricks flew onto the sidewalk. Stephanie and M/n stared at the brand new hole in the wall.

“I knew it ! Air is the best Element you can have !”, M/n cheered.

“Man, is that cool.”, Stephanie said in amazement.

As they continued to walk, she turned back around a few times to look at the wall again.

“What about the Alchemists ? What can they do ? Are these those people you watch in Ninjago ? One can do shape shifting, the other copy magical abilities and the other can use nature to his own needs ?”, M/n asked in excitement.

Skulduggery looked at M/n as he asked that.

“Ninjago ?”

“Lego Ninjago is still my favorite Series. I watched all seasons and they also have Magic, but they call it Elemental Powers. And they are all called there Elemental Masters.”, M/n shortly explained.

“Huh. Never heard of it before.”

“It is a great Series. Steph watched it with me a lot too. I guess I am a person that will never grow too old for children series and Movies. I hate news and other stuff. All I like is Comedy, children stuff and some murder series, like Navy CIS, Bones, Castle and Death in Paradise. News are boring and my Mom keeps me updated anyways. The reporters just babble too much in my opinion.”

“That is a lot.”

“Meh, Uncle said it was way too little stuff that I liked. Now, are Alchemists like that ?”, M/n asked.

“Kind of. I met a shape shifter and someone who could read your mind.”

“So cool ! I have decided, I wanna stay here ! This is EXACTLY my world ! I always wanted to be around Magic and work with it !”

‘Oh dear, what have I done ? Gordon you would kill me...’, Skulduggery thought.

Stephanie looked at her Brother and then had a grin on her face.

“Which one is more powerful ? An Alchemist or an Elemental mage ?”, she asked Skulduggery.

M/n scoffed.

“I bet it is Elemental. I mean come on ! They have FOUR different Elements they can use, while Alchemists just have ONE, as it sounds.”

“Actually, it depends on the mage all alone. An Alchemist can have so many tricks up his sleeve, so many different abilities, that he can be stronger in the end than the strongest Elemental mage. That has been proven.”

M/n stared at Skulduggery with a wide open mouth.

“B-but, Elementals have FOUR Elements to control ! FOUR ! How is an Alchemist with just ONE power, better than YOU ?!”

“They concentrate more on their one power and are more aggressive with it than Elementals are. It gives them a slight advantage.”

“Was the sorcerer Mevolent ? The strong Alchemist ?”

“No, Mevolent was an Elemental. It is rather rare, that an Elemental is choosing such deviations, but it happens.”

“How do you know, if you can do sorcery ? Can anyone learn it ?”, Stephanie asked.

M/n knew that she wanted to know it badly, but played it off as if that thought just crossed her mind.

“Not anyone. In fact just very few can learn sorcery.”, Skulduggery answered.

“They usually then gather at one location, so that there are, over the whole world, little groups, of sorcerers. In England and Ireland, as example, exist eighteen districts, in which only sorcerers live.”

“Can you also be a sorcerer, without knowing it ?”

M/n was concerned at that question. Skulduggery told them that it is most definitely possible. And Stephanie was saying it was sad, while he found it amusing. M/n scoffed.

“Sure it is very funny, to know that there are more mages out there, most possibly, and they never knew that they could have helped two worlds, mostly when it is people that just KNOW that they don’t belong and most likely decide to do suicide because of it, because they FEEL that something is missing, but never could find out WHAT was missing. Very funny. To die for.”, he told Skulduggery with a slightly agitated tone.

“Alright, when you put it THAT way, it isn’t that funny anymore.”, Skulduggery said softly.

“Because it isn’t ! Parents lose their own children out there and who knows why ! Many do it because they KNOW something is missing in their life ! What if it was a mage, that never knew, because no one could help them ?! Not every child that killed themselves did it from depression ! Seriously, and mages find it FUNNY ?!”, M/n raged.

“Brother, calm down.”, Stephanie said calmly.

M/n took deep, calming breaths.

“I am calm. But it is WRONG to find it funny, that people take their lives and die, never knowing that they could have changed the world. That they were maybe missing the world of mages. Who knows ? Maybe mages, that don’t know that they are mages, feel a certain emptiness and that means that their world is calling for them. They just can’t pick up on it.”

“I never thought about it in that way.”, Skulduggery admitted.

“Hah. Maybe you should.”

Soon enough they entered a story building and climbed stairs up. They followed Skulduggery until they stopped at a door that read ‘Library’. He knocked on that door and then waited.

“By the way: Even if you want to do it badly, don’t tell her, under any circumstances, your names.”, Skulduggery warned.

They nodded in understanding and then the door opened. They were let in by a man that seemed to be a bodyguard. They went inside and followed behind Skulduggery, who followed the man, for a while, until they spotted a female. The woman had raven black hair and water blue eyes. Then the woman smiled and Stephanie started to feel warm and welcomed, while M/n looked very uncomfortable.

Stephanie wanted nothing more but to be next to this woman, while M/n wanted to be as far away from her as possible.

“Leave it be.”, Skulduggery warned.

The woman looked at him and her smile became mocking. Stephanie stared at her delighted.

“Leave it be.”, Skulduggery repeated, firmer this time.

The woman laughed and shrugged her shoulders, but before she could say anything M/n smacked the back of his little Sister’s head, which she hissed softly at.

“First off: Hell no, little Sis. Second off: She is way too old for you. Third off: You are too young for a relationship. And fourth off: I don’t like her.”, he whispered to her.

“You didn’t fall for it ?”, Skulduggery asked M/n in surprise.

“No. Whatever it was, I didn’t get influenced. And thank fuck for that. She made me VERY uncomfortable though. I do NOT like her. Whatever she tried on me and succeeded to do to my Sister, she better shoves it up her ass for the next time, otherwise I will do something drastic about it.”, M/n said and growled at the woman.

The woman stared at him in shock. M/n put a protective arm around his little Sister, death glaring the woman.

“I’m sorry. I tend to forget, what influence, I have on humans. The first glimpse and all...”, the woman said with a slight bow.

“It seems to me, that you forget that every time, when you meet someone knew.”, Skulduggery accused.

“What can I say ? I am muddle – headed.”

Skulduggery turned to Stephanie.

“Don’t be embarrassed. Everyone, that meets China for the first time, fall for her. But believe me, the effect will wear off, the more you get to know her.”

“It will get weaker, but never fully stop. Right, Skulduggery ?”, the woman, China, asked.

M/n didn’t like what this China was referring to. He didn’t even like her, this close, to them. The Detective took off his hat, but didn’t answer her question.

“If you tell me, that you fucked this woman at some point, I will gag and vomit into your Bentley, Skulduggery. She ain’t even that pretty. She is more creepy than anything.”, M/n whispered to him, so the woman doesn’t hear him.

Skulduggery looked at him. M/n wasn’t sure, but he guessed that he was surprised.

China smiled at Stephanie, which M/n already hated, and she gave her an eggshell colored business card, on which stood a telephone number in elegant handwriting.

“Call me, if you stumble over any books or something, from which you believe, could interest me. In the past Skulduggery did that too. Nowadays not anymore. I fear, too much water has flown down, the proverbial creek. But where are my manners ? I’m China Sorrows, my Dears. Just call me China. And you two are ?”

Before Stephanie could answer, M/n stepped in.

“Her name is ‘non of ya business’, Toots. My name is ‘Joe Mama’. Now step away from me and my Sister. Ever heard about personal space and the five foot distance rule, Miss manners ?”, M/n growled out protectively.

China looked at M/n in shock and then stepped away from them. Five feet, while Skulduggery chuckled at M/n’s attitude. He really hated China.

“He is very overprotective. I rather not provoke him, China.”, Skulduggery said amused.

“I have realized.”, she muttered.

“You look almost, like that one Bitch that tried to sexually assault me, three times, in school. Be glad I just want you five feet away and not in the trash can.”, M/n growled out darkly.

“You were almost assaulted, three times ?”, Skulduggery asked.

“The whore wanted badly into my pants. She even wanted to force my family, to make me marry her, with 10 years of age. I was almost out of school too. Uncle said he took care of her. No idea what happened to her, but she just disappeared after that, luckily. That hoe was at least 7 years older than me too.”

Stephanie looked at her Brother in horror.

“Why didn’t you tell me that ?!”, she yelled.

“Because you were too young to understand. You were only six years old, Sis. You didn’t have to know.”

“What a bad woman...”, China scoffed.

M/n glared at her.

“You were no different near my Sister right now. Just keep your distance.”

Skulduggery sighed and then snapped China’s attention back on him.

“They are witnesses of how someone broke into Gordon Edgley’s estate. The intruder searched for something. What could Gordon have had, that someone wanted badly ?”

“You don’t know who it was ?”, China asked the Skeleton.

“Who the man was, is not important to me. I’m only interested to find out, who his Master is.”

“And who, do you think it is ?”

The Skeleton was silent and China laughed.

“Again Serpine ? Darling, to you, Serpine is practically responsible for every Crime.”

“Because it is exactly that.”

“Then why are you coming to me ?”

“You hear a lot.”

“Really ?”

Skulduggery asked her if China heard anything at all, and she replied that it wouldn’t be anything helpful, just some Bullshit she heard. After he pressed at that matter, she told him that she heard that Serpine was doing research about some Sceptre of the Ancients and that he was actively looking for it, apparently. He said it was just a fairytale, which already made M/n think that he might be wrong.

Then they were talking about what Gordon could have had, that someone wanted to steal. China said that, that is probably not the right question, he should find an answer to and he seemed to understand exactly what she meant. In M/n’s head it clicked, meanwhile Stephanie asked what that meant, on which Skulduggery just said that it isn’t important what they wanted to steal, but what they wanted to have, that Gordon had to die for it first.

China explained then, that there are objects, which, can only be used and taken away from the previous owner, when they are dead.

“So like in Harry Potter and the deathly hallows ? Where Voldemort had a wand that he thought belonged to him only, but that wasn’t the case, the previous owner still was alive and with that its loyalty didn’t belong to him. There was the big rumor that the previous owner had to die for the wand to switch owners, but that was wrong, they just had to deweaponized them, which Voldemort didn’t know, and then he killed the person, he thought killed the previous owner. But it wasn’t Snape who owned the wand’s loyalty, it was Draco Malfoy and after he was deweaponized by Harry Potter, it belonged to Harry. Snape killed Dumbledore, who had the wand first, but Malfoy deweaponized Dumbledore, so he was the next owner. Does this make sense ? In order to get some objects, you have to either kill someone, wait for them to die or even deweaponize them, before you can own it and the loyalty of the said object ?”, M/n asked.

All three of them stared at him.

“What ?”, M/n asked.

“You understood all of this, just from a Movie ?”, China asked.

“Yeah ? I am smart, after all. I was a Potter Fan for a while, until it died out. Can’t stand the Movies anymore.”

“Impressive. But yes, that is how this works.”, Skulduggery said.

“Well, fuck me then. This doesn’t sound like it’s gonna be an easy case.”, M/n said and slumped his shoulders.

Skulduggery turned back to China and asked her to inform him if she knows anything or heard anything that might help. In which she asked what she’d get in return.

“If this all involves my Uncle, and you decide to not say anything, and I will find out about it, I might beat your sorry ass, woman. I might look like a weakling, but I can whoop ass. I will NOT hesitate. I beat a mage tonight already, I am not afraid to do it again. You get in return, a free evening and no ass whooping, how about that ?”, M/n snarled.

She looked at M/n and then at Skulduggery.

“He did that ?”

“Yeah, he was ready to kill.”

“He woke up and chose violence today.”, Stephanie replied.

They all looked at her and M/n scoffed then mumbled stuff under his breath.

After that they left, Stephanie switched and this time she sat in the back and he in the passenger seat, M/n looked at his watch, then choked on his breath.

“SHIT !”, he yelled.

“What is it ?!”, Stephanie yelled in the car, while Skulduggery stayed calm.

“I have to get my car soon ! I can’t come home too ! I will miss the agreed upon timing to get my car and pay for the repairs ! They are always so busy and full ! It will take me hours to get my car, if I come later !”, M/n complained, stressed.

“I can just drive you there.”, Skulduggery offered.

“You’d do that ?”

“Of course.”

“Great ! Thank you !”

“No problem.”

M/n told Skulduggery the address and he drove them there. As they drove, Stephanie asked more questions about Serpine and other things, M/n only listened partly to the conversation. He had a bad feeling.

“Guys ?”, he said softly.

They went silent.

“Yes, M/n ?”, Skulduggery asked.

“I have a VERY bad gut feeling.”

“Why ?”, Stephanie asked.

M/n looked around in the car and waited for something to appear. Then it happened.

“WATCH OUT !”, M/n screamed as he saw the car, without headlights, driving straight at them.

He took the wheel from Skulduggery and forced himself on top of the Skeleton and hit the gas, quickly shifting gears, to avoid getting hit. The headlights were turned on, suddenly, but M/n couldn’t care less if he was blinded, it was a straight road and the fucker came from Skulduggery’s side.

He was quickly in the fourth gear and was out of the way as the car drove down the road and into the mud. M/n’s adrenaline was way too high for him to register, that they weren’t chased anymore. So he continued to drive fast for a while, until he was calm enough to look into the mirrors and see no one following. He halted the car and then carefully went back into his own seat.

He was still pale, but he was calming down. Then he felt sick and slammed open the door of the Bentley, ran a bit away and started to vomit. Skulduggery and Stephanie got out as well. She was worried for her Brother, while Skulduggery was impressed with his reflexes.

“M/n, are you alright ?”, she asked her older Brother.

“Never been-“, he vomited again, “...better....”, he finished bemused.

“Who was that Freak ?”, she asked.

“The same guy, that intruded our house.”, M/n answered softly as he wiped his mouth clean with a tissue.

He looked at his Sister and then he froze.

“This isn’t over yet...”, he muttered in panic.

“What do you mean ? Your gut ?”, Stephanie asked worried.

M/n nodded.

“I feel watched too...”

Then there was a yell and it was the man again, with a few scars. M/n dodged him and punched him in the jaw.

“CAR ! NOW, SIS !”, M/n yelled.

She refused to do so. She tried to find out what she could do to help. Then she looked at Skulduggery.

“He seems to be immune to fire, could that mean he is specifically trained on that element alone ?”

“Yes, why ?”

“Water puts out fire. What if...”

“Water hurts him ?”, Skulduggery asked.

She nodded.

“Worth a try.”, Skulduggery said, shrugging his shoulders.

M/n landed a mean kick against the man’s shin, who screamed in pain at that.

“Just leave us the fuck alone you fucking creep ! Go back to your Master and live out your Master/Slave kink there, won’t you ?! Fucking curl up in a corner and die already !”, M/n screamed in frustration.

“Your Brother has a mouth...”

“No one ever could make him stop from cursing when he was pissed off or protective.”, she replied to Skulduggery.

Skulduggery then manipulated the humidity and water rained onto the attacker and M/n. The man started to scream in pain and, as the water became more and more, the man started to fall into pieces, right in front of M/n. He jumped back and just watched as he died, just like that.

After he was dead and only remains were left, M/n puked again.

“M/n ?!”

“Anxiety kicked in ! I’m fine !”, he replied to his Sister.

Skulduggery turned to Stephanie.

“Good thinking there.”, he praised her.

“Yeah, great thinking, Sis...”

After that, they got back into the car and Skulduggery arrived at the car dealer, whose garage was working on M/n’s car. He got out and said his bye to Skulduggery and Stephanie.

“I will visit a friend later, if you want, you and your sister can tag along.”, Skulduggery offered.

“Are you sure ? As we drove, you were very hell bent, to leave it at a onetime only thing.”, M/n asked.

“I have a feeling you two have a very good feeling, in this kind of work.”, Skulduggery answered.

“Well then, sure !”, M/n replied.

“I will join too !”, Stephanie replied as she took back the passenger seat.

“Alright then. Until later, M/n.”

“Until later, Skulduggery, Steph.”

Then they drove off and M/n waited for the garage and car dealer to open up, which was any minute now.

‘Just pay for the car, take it and drive home, then work on stuff until Skulduggery comes and picks you up.’

Masterlist HERE !

#skulduggery pleasant #derek landy #male!reader #not the canon au #read warnings above #my au #skulduggery pleasant x reader universe #Playing with a Coroner and a Detective is not wise - Skulduggery x Male!Reader Universe #Part 4 – China Sorrows

[thequeenofsarcaasm]

What do you think are Geto and Gojo’s greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why? What do you love about their dynamic?

I’ll try to make it short. (And probably fail so I apologize in advance)

1-What I adore about Gojo is how terribly human he is despite everything. That might also be his greatest weakness but only because he never truly embraced all that humanity. In a way, he denied himself the chance to be “weak” after Toji almost killed him and it only got worse after Geto (the one person who truly saw him for who he truly was) abandoned him. He “thrived” in individualism but where did that get him? Also, another weakness might be how tightly woven he is with that damn Jujutsu system . He says he wants change (and I wholeheartedly believe him) but he is the embodiment of that very system and its values.

RIP Princess. You shall be missed.

2-Now Geto! My man has many weaknesses. Whew. He lost his goddamn mind to fear and hatred, but despite that he is full of love (in a twisted way). He had that black and white vision of life that transpired in the way he interacted with others and yet he remains in a sort of grey area since he’s so complexe. The immense love he held for his family and friends was only matched by his hatred for regular folks. Remember in JJK0 when he started to tear up during his fight with Panda and Inumaki? 😭 Also, he disliked the idea of having to attack Yuuta, and yet so many other sorcerers (the people he supposedly wanted to protect) had to be sacrificed on that day. A reasonable sacrifice perhaps? Or a desire to sieve the popular further? I want to slap him (affectionate).

That man was the perfect embodiment of “my grandpa was racist as hell but he was kind to me and everyone in our circle so he will be missed.” and it makes him super compelling imo.

I’d also want to add that Geto had a sort of convoluted “selflessness” that wasn’t compatible with his job but remained a big part of his personality post defection. In reality, it was just a coping mechanism mingled with a saviour complexe. He needed an ideology to back his actions and lifestyle (contrary to Haibara or Gojo for ex) . The “protect weak people” bs made the job not only bearable but also ego stroking. Which means that once he stopped feeling good about being a hero FOR the weak (since he deemed them unworthy), he decided to become one for sorcerers and AGAINST the weak. That “us against the world” mentality was born from trauma and fear but also from arrogance and an unhealthy tendency to dichotomise(Gege cooked fr. Call Gordon Ramsey pls). I get it though. After killing the village there was no going back so I probably would’ve convinced myself it was a good idea to keep going until someone killed me or something (a task he “delegated” to his beloved). Had that massacre never happened, I’m convinced someone would have been able to slap some sense into him.

(I wish we knew more about his upbringing tho cause he was a master manipulator and a fucking hypocrite. I want to know where he acquired that skill lol.)

Btw, his greatest strength is that he was hot as f (I’m joking. Or am I?)

Final words on him: Beware of dogmatism y’all. Great men have been lost to it.

3-Now, I love the brat-brat tamer aspect of their duo sooooo much. Gojo was insufferable as a teenager (still is) but Geto was the only person he actually listened to, the person he chose to guide him. It’s funny that in Season 2 EP 1, Geto has to explain to him why Rico wants to spend some time with her friends before the merger but that two episodes later Gojo willfully extended the mission just because she pouted when it was time to go home. He clearly had a good influence on him. Moreover, I love how protective they are of each other. I’m positive Geto wanted to massacre the cult members but turned down Gojo’s suggestion because he knew Gojo would later regret killing them. Now, the thing that really makes my heart throb is how Geto always saw Gojo. While most people see him as a superhuman, a machine even (remember when Nanami said he should take on all the missions), Geto showed a level of care that was so strong that it changed him as a person. I will never not obsess over the glance Gojo threw at him when he asked him if he wasn’t too exhausted to continue the mission. That’s why he never got over that man. I mean, how could he?

It’s not exactly brief but I tried. It definitely could have been worse 😭 I deleted a few paragraphs.

Thank you for giving me the chance to ramble about my beloved wives. It’s a proof of love and I assure you that I love you too.

🫶🏾

#asks #jujutsu kaisen #gojo satoru #geto suguru #satosugu

[dc-sideblog]

WIP Wednesday

Rules here. Send me an ask with a title in it and I'll write three sentences for that WIP

Fics:

Blood Drinking Dead on Main:

“Danny, do you know what this means?” Sam asked. “It was Lois Lane, oh my God, it was Lois fucking Lane, the woman who revealed aliens were real and named Superman and exposed Lex Luthor and tanked his presidency and—”

“Danny, Lois Lane knows who I am!” Val shrieked. Val was not immune to Lois Lane fangirling. “She wrote about me in the Daily Planet! That shit’s international, Danny, do you know how—”

“Dude, she talked about the rumors of you being dead!” Tucker said.

“Tuck, man, I think everyone knows I’m dead. My name is Phantom and I’m a ghost.”

“No, I mean, about you being faded or whatever. ‘Cuz you haven’t been seen in two years. Everyone’s gonna think your parents killed you.”

“Tucker!” Sam yelled.

“What? She kinda implied it!”

“She so did not!” Val said. “She said Phantom was missing in action. Like a soldier or something.”

“Damn. All I did was move to Gotham. That makes it sound like I got shot.”

“You did get shot. Repeatedly,” Sam said dryly. “And literally that’s what everyone here thinks. It’s weird, Danny. Heroes don’t just disappear for good reasons. They’re always dead.”

“Except for me! I beat the odds.”

“Danny, my man, I get where you’re coming from, but you are very much also dead. Like yes, congrats on retiring, but you did die. I was there and everything,” Tucker said.

Avengers Crossover:

He went back to the main conference room. Everyone was currently on a call with Fury.

“—is a hero on their world. They’ve been giving us pretty mixed messages about him,” Steve said.

“How do you mean?” Fury asked.

“One minute they’re saying their dad shot Batgirl, the next they’re saying he’s a hero and would never hurt Robin. Either way, they’ve been training—and possibly in the field—since they were little kids. Robin’s still a little kid. Sir,” Steve drew himself up, “This sort of back-and-forth, mixed opinions on a parent is common in abuse victims.”

“You think they’re being abused?”

“I do.”

“Where do we stand on getting them back to their universe?”

“Strange will be here in a few hours.”

Fury nodded. “Stall. I’ll contact Strange myself. Those kids don’t go anywhere until we’re sure they’re going somewhere safe. You understand me?”

“Yes sir.”

“Good.”

Fury cut the call.

Caretaker Kara:

Robbing a house was different than robbing a store. The group scouted ahead. They took days doing it. Planning. Watching. And then they broke in at night, with Zach—the leader—doing something to the door that made it open without a keycode.

Though Kara didn’t even see a place to input a keycode. Was it all biometrics? How was Zach doing this?

Anyway, they got in. The group scattered about, seeking out technology and jewelry. Kara was assigned to lift the heaviest things. Big, bulky tech items that made eyes gleam.

And the cold storage unit that was just chock full of food.

She loaded everything into their van and began to eat. Others stared at her. She held out half a food item to offer it to Gavin, who shook his head, a strange look on his face. Kara shrugged and kept eating.

They let her take whatever she didn’t eat back home with her that night.

Assassin Cass:

She didn’t know how to explain. How to make him understand how dehumanizing it was. The worst event in her life had nothing to do with her. Like she was just a pawn in the game between Joker and the law. Only relevant in how hurting her would hurt Commissioner Gordon by proxy.

She was made to suffer, her legs taken away, her ability to walk for the rest of her life just gone… to cause her father mental anguish.

She had dealt with this shit as Batgirl before. People hurting her to hurt Nightwing, because they were dating. People hurting her to hurt Batman, because she was one of his. No one had ever taken it to this level before, but it seemed to be a running theme. Babs’ pain was only relevant so far as it distressed the men in her life. The men in her life who their enemies respected far more.

She didn’t know how to explain it. That that was the worst part. Not losing the use of her legs. But how much it hadn’t mattered. How much she hadn’t mattered.

A pawn in someone else’s game.

Early Adoption:

“Is it true Batman kidnapped you because your dad is the Riddler?” Harper asked. Harper was super cool. She was in the grade above Stephanie and she had dyed her hair blue with Kool-Aid all on her own. She and Steph always claimed two swings right next to each other at recess before anyone else could. They went higher than anybody.

“My dad is Cluemaster,” she corrected. “He’s not smart enough to be the Riddler.”

“Oh,” Harper said. She paused. “Did Batman make you tell him all his plans and stuff?”

“No.” She huffed out a breath. “Batman says I’m too young to fight crime. Which is so unfair, because Robin started when he was my age. I just wanna punch my dad.”

Harper nodded sympathetically. “He should let you.”

“Exactly.”

This was another reason why Harper was the coolest. Plus, she knew how to fix any broken video game, which was basically a superpower.

#wip wednesday #✍🏻

[wonderlandleighleigh]

(1, 2, 3)

“Now unfortunately our Midge Maisel is out sick this week, but we have someone to fill in while she recovers. Please welcome Lenny Bruce!”

When he steps out, there are audible sounds of surprise amongst the applause and Lenny lifts an eyebrow turning to Gordon from Midge’s microphone.

He starts to speak, but the microphone is still adjusted for Midge’s height and so nothing is picked up. Lenny does a double take, making the audience laugh as he shakes his head and adjusts the stand.

“Gordon.”

“Hi, Lenny. Thanks for filling in.”

“Yes, well. I’m looking out at your producers and they look very surprised to see me.”

“Well, I...didn’t tell them you were going to be here.”

“A bold move. We may end up sharing a jail cell together by the end of the night,” Lenny tells him.

“Your quick wit and my pretty face, I bet we can sweet talk the cops into at least ordering us some dinner from the clinker,” Gordon jokes. “How is Midge feeling?”

“Oh, she’s doing much better,” Lenny says, turning to the audience. “Touch of food poisoning the other night, is all.”

“Oh?”

“Well, you know Midge. She gets very adventurous. She tried to make fish for dinner the other night. A red snapper.”

“Sounds delicious.”

“Well, it uh...snapped back at her,” Lenny grins, and the audience laughs at that, as does Gordon. “You see, she generally sticks with land food. Brisket. Chicken. Lamb. Me, when I’ve been bad and deserve a roasting.”

He shakes his head as the audience laughs.

“She walked into the living room where I was doing some writing and she said ‘Lenny, order a pizza. And take me to the emergency room.’“

“Green around the gills, huh?” Gordon asks.

The audience laughs, and laughs harder as Lenny gives Gordon a disgusted look.

“Who gave this man a show?”

“Sorry about that, I usually leave the yucks to Midge and now she has the yucks, so...”

“I’ve died, haven’t I? This is perdition. The Jews were wrong.”

“I get it, I get it,” Gordon laughs along with the audience.

“Who’s tonight’s guest, Gordon?”

“Don Rickles.”

“Oh really?” Lenny asks, smirking with a quirked eyebrow.

“Now, Lenny...”

“I’ll be a good boy, Gordon. I’ll be a good boy. Maybe.”

*****

Midge laughs from her couch, watching Lenny on the show. He’s so good, and he picks up Gordon’s banter so fast. their vibe is totally different from the one she has with Gordon, and it’s really funny.

She’s glad she and Gordon could give Lenny a boost while she finishes her recovery. She wishes she could have been at the studio, but having the quiet apartment to herself with the promise of Lenny coming home after the show.

She’ll make coffee, and she’s got some leftover cake in case he’s hungry.

She hadn’t realized how much she’s missed these kinds of routines with him.

She shaken from her thoughts by a loud banging on the door, and when she goes to open it, Joel storms in, looking incensed.

“What the fuck, Midge?!”

She opens her mouth to respond, but she doesn’t get the chance.

“Lenny shows up out of nowhere, tells everybody you’re sick, and then takes your job?!”

“He’s not taking my job, he’s filling in,” Midge argues. “I haven’t been feeling well, and Gordon and I both wanted to give him a chance to get back in the public eye.”

“Not feeling well, what the hell does that mean?” Joel demands. “You never get sick, what’s wrong?”

Midge opens her mouth and then closes it, averting her eyes. “I...”

“Jesus, Midge, what?”

“The pills I was taking weren’t good for me,” she explains, squaring her shoulders.

“What are you talking about, you were fine.”

“I wasn’t fine, Joel.”

“Imogene takes the same-”

“No, she doesn’t she just went to the same doctor,” Midge tells him. “And I talked to Imogene. It turned out he was giving her sugar pills. They were a plaebo. Mine weren’t.”

Joel stares at her, confused.

“And I was taking too many, and Gordon noticed, so he called Lenny, and Lenny came running,” Midge goes on. “And we flushed the pills - he - flushed the pills, and he’s been helping me get better.”

“You were hooked on them.”

“Getting there.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah.”

“I-”

“You thought I was fine,” Midge cuts him off. “Everyone did. I wasn’t. It’s handled. Lenny is filling in this week. I’ll be back to work next week. Please keep the kids for another few days.”

He nods dumbly. “Yeah.”

“Thank you.”

He stays silent for a moment before speaking again. “I just never thought you’d be the type to get hooked on that kinda thing.”

Midge tilts her head at him. “The type? What’s the type? I was told they’d make me feel better. I took them.”

Joel sighs and nods. “Yeah. No. It’s uh...it’s not your fault.”

She nods, but just crosses her arms, not responding.

“Look, Midge, I know...I know we fight sometimes, but...I still care,” he says. “I still want you to be okay. That’s why I came over here in the first place. I saw Lenny on the show, and I just...”

“I appreciate that, Joel,” Midge says quietly. “But I’m on the mend. And Lenny is on the show because I told him he should be.”

“He staying?”

“That’s the plan.”

“Okay. Well. I hate him, but that’s good. I mean. For you, it’s good. I know you...” He gestures, still unable to vocalize that he knows that Midge loves Lenny.

“Yeah.”

“I’m gonna go.”

Midge nods and opens the door for him. “Goodnight, Joel.”

He leaves, and she wanders back to the couch, catching the rest of the show, curled up tightly on the couch.

#fic #au #tmmm #Midge x Lenny #Midge/Lenny #Gordon Ford #And Joel

[takaraphoenix]

I was like a week behind on Hell's Kitchen so I only just watched episode 13 and I am so fucking mad.

HOW did Dahmere get sent home.

He was supposed to win this whole, damn season. I mean, seriously. This isn't Top Chef or MasterChef, we're not looking for a Great Cook, we're searching for a leader, and in the 22 seasons of this show not a single candidate has shown better leadership than Dahmere did this entire season.

And! It would be something else if he got kicked off because he genuinely fucked up the worst. But he didn't. He had some mishaps with fish, meanwhile Jonathan continuously fucked up the easiest station.

Usually, Gordon's decisions are pretty fair, or it's at least a very close call where it could go either way. But in no universe did Jonathan deserve to stay after this dinner service, he had so many mistakes and he had the easiest station to work. He fucked up fries, for crying out loud.

It's not that I have anything against Jonathan, he is one of the candidates I was rooting for the most (after Dahmere), but the amount of slack that Gordon cut him after this dinner service is... just not fair toward the other candidates?

I'm so disappointed and mad. Never have I been more sure that I'm rooting for the future winner, because Dahmere not only had the greatest leadership qualities, he has also been consistently in the top when it comes to his cooking. He's the whole package!

I'm just so mad.

#Dahmere Merriweather #Hell's Kitchen

[theycallme-thejackal]

that last prompt (handy gordon) was so good. Can you continue what happens next?

I got a lot of requests to continue this. There will be more installments.

Pairing: Lenny Bruce & Midge Maisel Rated T Warnings: Sexual Assault

Part 1 | Part 2

Mercifully she sleeps.

Even better, she sleeps tangled up with him, her leg draped over his, her hand resting over his heart.

He lies there in his undershirt and boxers with his arm wrapped around her, fingertips stroking her soft skin until he eventually drifts off.

He dreams about punching Gordon Ford in the nose.

He wakes before her, and as he tips his head to press a gentle kiss to her hair, he wonders if this is the first time she’s slept through the night since it happened.

She snuggles further into him, and he rubs her arm gently as he looks at the clock on the nightstand. It’s nearly nine. He can hear Abe and Rose and the Polish woman who hates his pants, but there’s no screaming or running, so he guesses the kids aren’t here.

Midge’s fingers start to trace circles over his shirt, letting him know she’s awake. “Why did you come?” She murmurs.

“Some guy put a bag over my head and threw me in a car,” he jokes.

“What makes you think it was a guy?” She quips.

“He had a mustache and answered to the name Abe.”

That seems to surprise her. She lifts her head, resting her chin on his chest. “Papa brought you here?”

“Yeah. He was worried about you. Said you wouldn’t talk to anyone about…well anything, really.”

Her blue eyes are watery, and he brushes her hair away from her face as she says, “I don’t know what to do.”

He wraps his other arm around her, giving her a little squeeze. “Well, it’s morning,” he points out. “Let’s have breakfast.”

---

This time he takes up the offer for a blintz, and he sits at the table with Midge as she picks at her food, only managing a few mouthfuls before putting her fork down. Lenny finishes his, and Abe was right. It’s fucking incredible.

It would all be so nice if it weren’t for the horrible circumstances.

“You need to tell Susie,” he offers gently.

Midge shakes her head, still picking at her food but not eating. “I can’t do this to Susie. That would be the fourth time I’ve tanked my career. I’m not doing that to her again.”

He wants to scream. The rage that roils in his gut is so strong, he doesn’t know how he’s going to contain it. “Midge,” he says, his voice low and stern. “None of this is your fault. You know that, right?”

She continues fiddling with her food. “I flirted with him. I...I led him on. I can understand why - ”

She startles as he suddenly jolts to his feet, his chair scraping loudly against the floor as he scrubs one hand through his hair. “No!” He retorts. “No! That’s not - Jesus, Midge, flirting does not give a man the right to...”

Lenny’s eyes fall on hers, wide and tearful, and he realizes he’s pacing and probably looking fairly manic. She looks scared. 

He takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” he sighs, rubbing his hand over his face. He softens his voice but remains standing. “But you are not responsible for Gordon Ford being unable to keep his hands to himself. I don’t care if you were standing in the wings in just your show corset - you didn’t want it, you didn’t ask for it.”

Midge blinks up at him, a tear falling from her beautiful blue eyes. “I...” Her voice comes out in barely a whisper. “I don’t want to let Susie down again.”

“You’re not,” he promises, moving back to his chair. He rests his hand over hers on the table. “You’re not letting her down. If anything, I think she’ll be upset you didn’t tell her sooner. I mean this is the woman who pretended to be my drug dealer and begged me to do a show for you. You don’t think she’s gonna castrate the guy on sight?”

She looks at him and brushes a tear away with her free hand. “You never told me why.”

“Why?”

“Why you did that show,” she explains. “We barely knew each other.”

“Well, I still owed you that cab fare.”

“You paid for my drinks at the Vanguard and sent me home with a joint. I think that tab was paid,” she reasons before nervously averting her gaze. “Was it...because...”

“No,” he promises, squeezing her hand. "No, I did it because I saw you that night at the Vanguard, and I just knew. You’ve got it, Midge, and I wasn’t going to let some hack take you out of the game.”

She nods her head, a gentle smile finally meeting her lips. “Thank you,” she breathes.

“Now Miami - that, I did because I wanted to sleep with you.”

The laugh that comes out of her is music to his ears.

#midgelenny #midge x lenny #midgexlenny #tmmm fanfic #marvelous mrs. maisel fanfic #writing prompt #otp: more important than god #jackal fics #answers #angst #hurt #comfort #sad

[stupidbraingoesbrrrrr]

My DC fic, which got deleted on Ao3.

Deadinside&outside @Schrödingersbastard

I’m going to see if I can do the tide pod challenge

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Dildo @OhGodWHY

JASON, NO.

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Deadinside&outside @Schrödingersbastard

Jason maybe.

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Damian Wayne-Al Ghul @DamianWAG

Todd, do not do this (Do it, do it, do it).

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Deadinside&outside @Schrödingersbastard

Jason yes!

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Bruce Wayne @BWayneOffical

JASON TODD WAYNE NO.

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Deadinside&outside @Schödingersbastard

JASON FUCK YES!

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CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

You do realise that trend was, like 2 years ago? Do something original, but in a controlled environment, A.k.a, don’t do it Jason.

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Deadinside&outside @Schrödingersbastard

Good point, I will instead hit up @PHDClown for some toxin

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Harlsey @PHDClown

I got some for ya!

--

Caffine @keyboardsmash

Didn't Jason Todd die, like, twenty years ago?

--

sToPiTgEtSoMeHeLp @stephthemeth

I got us matching friendship bracelets, and you say I don't care about our relationship.

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CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

These are handcuffs.

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sToPiTgEtSoMeHeLp @stephthemeth

Yeah, 'cause we're partners in crime!

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CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

I fucking love you

--

Deadinside&outside @Schödingersbastard

*accidentally does something well* Ah shit I’ve given them standards now.

--

Will kill dudes @Cassassain

I am 80% speed, 50% hero and 70% legend.

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sToPiTgEtSoMeHeLp @stephthemeth

That's 200%.

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Will kill dudes @Cassassain

I'm twice the Huntress you'll ever be.

--

Duke of Puns @Imtiredok?

My Chocolate milk is bitter, what's wrong with this chocolate milk?

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Barbara Gordon @BabsGordon

Dark milk isn't chocolate milk. This is raw cow's milk. The bitterness of the chocolate brings out the sourness in the milk.

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Duke of Puns @Imtiredok?

That's the worst part of both of those things!

--

Duke of Puns @Imtiredok?

Hey, do you know how long it takes until you start hallucinating from sleep deprivation?

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Barbara Gordon @BabsGordon

I’ll check.

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CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

Seventy-two hours.

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Barbara Gordon @BabsGordon

...How do you?

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CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

There's a vampire behind Bruce and he's making fun of me

--

CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

You didn't happen to bring any coffee, did you?

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Damian Wayne-Al Ghul @DamianWAG

Milk and sugar.

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CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

Oh, awesome. You're a lifesaver.

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CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

Wait, is this just milk and sugar?

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Damian Wayne-Al Ghul @DamianWAG

That's what I said.

--

CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

I have a complicated relationship with sleep. By which I mean if I ever meet its god I can and will make them fear me so much they never come near me again.

--

Damian Wayne-Al Ghul @DamianWAG

Wow, this parking is as straight as I am.

[ID: Image of Bruce’s newest car, park half on the curb, half on the road. Bruce very tiredly getting out of the driver’s seat and getting scolded by Alfred.]

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Bruce Wayne @BWayneOffical

I know I should be focused on the fact that you just came out, but HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY PARKING!

--

Bruce Wayne @BWayneOffical

you ever see something that changes your life and you're just like "huh.."

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Clark Kent @DailyPlanetMan

i saw you.

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Bruce Wayne @BWayneOffical

honestly that's so cute and sweet but it kinda makes this awkward because i was gonna show you a picture of Alfred the cat in a turkey costume

--

Slade @bladesfordays

I can't decide if I need 50 cups of coffee or a month's worth of sleep.

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Dildo @OhGodWHY

How about a hug? :D

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Slade @bladesfordays

…

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Slade @bladesfordays

Fine.

--

Dildo @OhGodWHY

Hello? @BWayneOfficial , where on earth are you?

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Bruce Wayne @BWayneOffical

I waved to a man because I thought he was waving at me. Apparently, he was waving to the guy behind me. So to get out of the awkward situation, I kept my hand up so a taxi pulled over and drove me to the port. I am now in Kazimierz, investigating a new case. I should be home by Thursday.

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Dildo @OhGodWHY

Wait, wha-

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CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

Understandable, have a nice day.

--

*Five Gays*

Jaybitch (9 hours ago)

what tHE FUCK DID I JUST SAW

Timhoe

Jason it's 4am

Timhoe

it better be important

Jaybitch

stfu timmy I'm going through something

Jaybitch

is the mansion haunted???

Timhoe

what

Jaybitch

I was half asleep and then?? A big shadow was towering over me??

Jaybitch

and don't tell me it was a dream bc I heard the door closing

Devil spawn

It was father

Timhoe

oh yeah, he does that sometimes

Jaybitch

excuse me what

Jaybitch

why is the old bat watching me sleep???

Timhoe

he wasn't, it's winter

Jaybitch

and??

Timhoe

he probably wasn't able to sleep, so he was making sure we're all warm so we don't catch a cold

Devil spawn

He just left my room

Jaybitch

damn, the older he gets the crazier...

Dildo (5 hours ago)

what the heck

Dildo

so the winter fairy isn't real :c??

--

Running On Jellybeans @JonKent

Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life.

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Damian Wayne-Al Ghul @DamianWAG

It would be nice to get my sense of purpose back.

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Will kill dudes @Cassassain

Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this.

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sToPiTgEtSoMeHeLp @stephthemeth

My will to live! I haven't seen this in 10 years!

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Deadinside&outside @Schödingersbastard

I knew I lost that potential somewhere!

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Dildo @OhGodWHY

Mental stability, my old friend!

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Running On Jellybeans @JonKent

Guys, could you lighten up a little?

--

Dildo @OhGodWHY

QUICK! I need $10000 because I have ADHD and am bisexual!

--

Damian Wayne-Al Ghul @DamianWAG

When I was 7 I had a crush on a guy in my class & didn’t know how to deal w it so I wrote him a letter that just said “get out of my school”

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Damian Wayne-Al Ghul @DamianWAG

We are now dating.

--

Running On Jellybeans @JonKent

I had a dream last night that I was being chased by Freddy Kruger throught out my house, but when he ran by my dog he stopped to pet him, looked at me and went, “what? It’s not his nightmare. He’s a good boy.”

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Running On Jellybeans @JonKent

and that’s why I’m not sure if taking NyQuil is a good idea.

--

Dildo @OhGodWHY

For anyone thinking, without a doubt that my father is Batman, no, he’s not.

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CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

He cries during every Disney film and forgets where every bathroom is in the manor.

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Damian Wayne-Al Ghul @DamianWAG

For context, we have quite a few, over fifty if I remember correctly.

--

Harlsey @PHDClown

For anyone wondering, I’m not with the Joker anymore, I am in a loving relationship with @veganbiby and we’re getting married in three months.

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Harlsey @PHDClown

AND! @BWayneOfficial is coming as my best man! :D

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Daily Planet @DPOfficial

Congrats, but why Bruce Wayne? – Clark

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Harlsey @PHDClown

Wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy?

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Gay asf @homopromo

Holy Shit, Harley Quinn knows vines???!!

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Harlsey @PHDClown

My wonderful gf is made of vines

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Gay asf @homopromo

You bi?

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Harlsey @PHDClown

Ye

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Duke of Puns @Imtiredok?

As someone who has joined the Wayne’s in the most recent months, Bruce literally doesn’t know what’s happening, like, half of the time.

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Duke of Puns @Imtiredok?

He thinks that the Joker is just a party city clown.

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Barbara Gordon @BabsGordon

I mean, he’s not wrong

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Batman(the real one) @BatManOffical

I have had to rescue him so many times

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Slade @bladesfordays

I genuinely don’t know how he raised ten kids.

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Slade @bladesfordays

But they are all gay and mentally ill, so I blame Bruce.

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Slade @bladesfordays

My husband is the only reason I’m not dead yet.

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Harlsey @PHDClown

You literally have accelerated healing.

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Slade @bladesfordays

He is still the only reason I am not dead.

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Slade @bladesfordays

Have you seen those thighs?

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Harlsey @PHDClown

🥴 Good point.

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The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

Okay, but I’ve been off Twitter for five days and I come back and found out that

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The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

a) SLADE WILSON the MERCENARY is married to one of Bruce Wayne’s kids.

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The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

b) Jason Todd is being impersonated

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The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

c) Harley Quinn knows what vine is, is dating Poison Ivy (I luv them), and used to date one of the Wayne kids (the one who is married to Slade)

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The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

d) all the kids are queer icons, and Bruce is a tired dad who can’t survive by himself and may or may not be dating Batman.

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Hermit the frog @darwars

Wait, why would he date Batman???

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The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

Haven’t you seen how Superman and Batman look at each other?

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Hermit the frog @darwars

Wait, so Superman is Bruce?

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The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

Yeah, and Batman is that Daily Planet reporter, Clark Kent.

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Clark Kent @DailyPlanetMan

Wow, I’m Batman!!

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World peace baby! @JLeagueWW

Everyone at the JL, knowing Batman & Superman’s identities:

Gif: Micheal Jackson eating popcorn

-Flash

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The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

WAIT, YOU GUYS KNOW THEIR IDENTITY?!!

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World peace baby! @JLeagueWW

We have movie nights and have rooms up in the space station. – Green Lantern

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Hermit the frog @darwars

CAN I VISIT!? I CAN’T WORK FOR NASA AND WANT TO GO TO SPACE!

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World peace baby! @JLeagueWW

Sure! – Green Lantern

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Hermit the frog @darwars

Okay, but GL genuinely came to my place, picked me up, and took me to space. It was awesome.

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Caffeine @keyboardsmash

Hey @PHDClown , why are you bestie with himbo BW??? Like, lemme know, pls.

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Harlsey @PHDClown

Oh, that’s hard to explain, but I’ll let you in on a secret. *Get closer*

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Caffeine @keyboardsmash

*Scootches closer*

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Harlsey @PHDClown

Every time he and his hoard of children have a movie night, I get to go. It is utter chaos and I thrive in there.

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Harlsey @PHDClown

My lovely Fiancé would like me to add that she thinks it’s basically a playdate for me.

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Damian Wayne-Al Ghul @DamianWAG

She’s also my Godmother.

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The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

Can I just ask, where do all the Gotham vigilantes live?? The kid I babysit for is very effing concerned about y’all not having houses.

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Free Wifi @Signalboost

I live in a dorm with five other bats

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Nanananana @BATGIRL!

Home.

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Batman(therealone) @BatManOffical

In my cave, or with Bruce Wayne

(edited)

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Robin @RobinOfficial

With Batman, or my mum, they’re divorced.

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SPOILERS! @nahjustkidding

With Oracle.

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Bi, Bi, Bi! @Biwing

With the Teen Titans. And also a mass murderer.

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I’mnotthatredrobin @RedRobbinyou

With my sugar baby.

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No @Redh00d

With my sugar daddy.

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I can see your future @Oraclin

With spoiler, or my dad. Also, my partners.

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The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

She is still concerned. But are you guys ok?

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Super Man @SoupmanOffical

As someone who knows all of them, their birthdays, and their identities. No, most of their expenses are therapy bills.

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Boogara @SeceretLesbian

Okay, thread incoming about the Wayne family/Batfamily(1/?)

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Boogara @SeceretLesbian

First, Jason Todd is alive again? The Wayne’s were talking to a Jason, and they called him Todd? Like how did he come back to life? (2/?)

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Boogara @SeceretLesbian

Secondly, Bruce has been seen with Daily Planet reporter Clark Kent, who is allegedly Batman, which means if he lives occasionally with Bruce, they’re a couple. (3/?)

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Boogara @SeceretLesbian

Robin also mentioned he lives with his dad who is Batman, and that his mum and dad are divorced, and Clark Kent is divorced and had a kid from his marriage. (4/?)

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Boogara @SeceretLesbian

Additionally, Red Hood and Red Robin are dating? Or are at least having sex with benefits. (5/?)

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Boogara @SeceretLesbian

ALSO, IN TERMS OF RELATIONSHIPS, WHY WHEN HOW DID DICK, HIMBO DICK GRAYSON MARRY AN ASSAIN?? Like, the man’s hot, but the amount of blood on his hands? Insane. (6/?)

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Boogara @SeceretLesbian

Honourable mention, @PHDClown is besties with BW and the Godmother to one of his kids. Like, I am so happy this is the more popular clown, she is worth it. (7/?)

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Boogara @SeceretLesbian

Unrelated, but I also made a table on how many times Ryan should’ve won PH.

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Shane Madej @shanemadej

Ryan never should’ve won, he wasn’t a seadog, he was never a beefboy.

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Boogara @SeceretLesbian

SHANENJDFL;KSJDN;ZBVNKM????

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Shane Madej @shanemadej

Also, he made a deal with the devil, he should’ve known what would come.

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Ryan Bergara @ryansbergara

@SeceretLesbian please DM me the list.

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Boogara @SeceretLesbian

One question for @PHDClown , are you the wine aunt or the vodka aunt?

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Harlsey @PHDClown

I’m the vodka aunt and Ives is the whiskey hidden in a subtle flask aunt.

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Boogara @SeceretLesbian

Thank you, can I come to the wedding?

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Harlsey @PHDClown

Fuck yeah!

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Boogara @SeceretLesbian

I would die for you

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Harlsey @PHDClown

Please don’t, I’m still your therapist.

#dc #batfam #sladick #jaytim #superbat #jondami #harlivy #oc