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nickfowlerrr · 5 months

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so inviting, i almost jump in.

pairing: neighbor!bucky barnes x curvy!reader

warnings: fluff. pining. idiots in love? fake dating...kinda lol. a lil bit of angst but not too much.

words: 4.5k

notes: happy new year! i tried so hard to finish this last night but just couldn’t do it lol. this is part of the ciwywt universe, but i think it can be read as a standalone, too.

also - coherent, consistent timelines? sorry, don’t know her. idk where this fits in their story but it does bc i say it does. 😌 i really love these two and i hope you enjoy this lil fic as much as i do. thank you in advance for reading. as always, comments and reblogs are more than welcome, and so appreciated! 💞

"Ow,” you wince, “damn it," you grumble to yourself as you set your eyeliner pencil down, blinking rapidly to quell the tears you could feel about to form in your eye. You huff and turn to look down at the cause of your distraction, your phone ringing loudly as it lays on the counter. You see the caller and preemptively roll your eyes. Not this again.

You swipe to answer the call and his voice immediately floats into your ear, giving you no time to even utter a 'hello'.

"Before you say anything-"

"No," you state firmly, annoyance clear in your tone as you stop him before he can begin.

"Doll,"

"Bucky, I said no," you cut him off again. "It's a no. No. No, no, no. Not gonna happen," you continue despite his pathetic huff sounding on the other end.

"I know you said no..." he says before trailing off for a second, "but, doll, I really need you."

Damn him. You sigh heavily into the phone, putting a hand to your forehead to stop the headache you know is coming. He's really trying to pull on your heart strings... unfortunately for him, it's not gonna work.

"You don't need me, Bucky. You're gonna be fine. They're your friends, if you just tell them what you told me, they'll understand. You have nothing to worry about."

"That's not," he huffs, stopping himself, and you can almost hear him shake his head, "Will you at least try to come by?"

You know you won't, but you don't want to upset him any more than he already is.

"Yeah, I'll try. And stop worrying so much. You'll have a good time, I know it," you smile, the thought of him and his friends enjoying their New Year's Eve tugging at your lips.

"Yeah," he responds, sounding a little unsure. "Okay, well, I'll see you later?"

"Mhm...maybe," you say.

"Doll," he groans, causing an unbidden laugh to slip from you at his dramatics.

"I said I'd try, no promises! But I do have to go now, so, talk later. Bye," you finish, hanging up on him before he can try and talk you into making a promise you have no intention of keeping.

You sigh heavily as you set your phone back down, returning to your almost finished makeup. Just because you aren't going out doesn't mean you can't look good.

You're still so surprised he asked you to be his fake date to his New Year's Eve party. Both because you were surprised he was hosting a party to begin with, and because he needed a fake date.

But that was just it, he didn't need a fake date. He wanted to get his friends off his back with the constant set ups and double dates they'd plan for him. What he really needed to do was tell them the truth, just like he told you. He didn't want to date, at least not right now. He said his mind was on other things. That was understandable, so you weren't sure why he couldn't just tell them that...

A part of you feels bad for not helping Bucky out, but the other part of you knows you'd feel like a total outsider at a small party being attended by the avengers.

Like, the real-life superhero team, The Avengers.

That was an immediate 'no thank you'.

You were content to spend the night alone; just you, your grapes, and some apple cider to cheers to the new year.

The television plays on, another episode of a show you've seen ten times before just starting up, as a knock sounds at your door.

You furrow a brow as your head shoots in its direction. It only takes a second for you to come to the conclusion that it must be Bucky. You set your drink down and stand from where you were sitting cozily on your couch.

You fix your dress, and for no reason at all, check yourself in the mirror before you near the door, making sure your makeup isn't smudged and your hair still looks nice as you do.

There's another knock as you get to it and you open your door with a bit of attitude at his impatience.

"Bucky, how many times-" you're stopped short as you quickly see that the man before you is, in fact, not Bucky. "Oh, uhm, sorry, can I help you?" you ask.

"Yeah," the man laughs, "I'm here for the party. This is the right apartment, isn't it? Bucky Barnes?" he asks, looking at you quizically.

"No," you answer, "no, wrong apartment. He's just," again you're cut off, but this time by the door right down the hall opening, none other than Bucky peeking out to look down at you and - oh my god wait...is this - this is - holy shit you're talking to Captain America. Your eyes round as you look from Bucky back over to the man before you. "Oh, gosh, you, you're,"

"Sam Wilson," he smiles brightly at you, extending a hand. You shake hands as he continues, "and you must be-"

He is cut off from saying your name as it comes out of Bucky's mouth, almost frantically. You look from Sam back over to Bucky, your eyes still wide.

"I know you're still getting ready, but would you come here for just a second," he nods at you. You look once more between Sam and Bucky, your eyes narrowing as they land back on your own personal pain in the ass. What the hell is he up to... You and Sam go to walk over to him but Bucky speaks again. "Not you, Sam. You stay there," he says in a fuss. Sam puts his hands up, a look of confusion clear on his face at Bucky's demand.

You continue toward him and as soon as you're close enough to touch, he pulls you to him, turning you both so Sam can't see what you're saying. It's a hushed conversation, a whispered argument, really.

"You have to come over."

"No, I really don't."

"You do."

"I don't."

"You're staying."

"No, I'm not."

"You're staying. I'm not letting you leave," he says, trying to corral you into his apartment as you swipe at him, a back and forth of swats ensuing between the two of you.

"Bucky!" you finally whisper yell, stopping the battle as you ball your fists, almost stomping like a toddler in your annoyance. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I lied."

"Huh? To me? About what?"

"To all of you. But mostly them. I told them you'd be here. Because I thought you would be. But then you said you weren't coming, but I couldn't tell them that or they'd think I was just making up another lie about you..."

"Another lie?"

"I...may have... told my friends that we're dating and have been for a few weeks," he murmurs under his breath, so quiet you can barely hear his confession.

"You what?" you balk, trying your hardest to squash the stupid butterflies that are fluttering around in your stomach now at the idea of not only dating Bucky, but of being someone he brings up in conversation to other people.

"Alright, love birds, cute as this is, are one of you gonna invite me in or am I just supposed to stand here awkwardly in your hallway all night?" Sam interjects, walking to you both as you turn your heads to look at him.

Bucky turns entirely, moving closer to you, slipping his arm behind your back and resting his hand on your hip, "Yeah, welcome in. Steve said he'd be here with beer in a few minutes," Bucky says, an annoyed edge to his voice as he lets Sam through the door. Sam raises a brow at you and you force a smile. As soon as he's inside, Bucky snaps the door shut behind him, leaving you both in the hallway still.

"What the hell," Sam says, loud enough for you to hear through the door.

"Look, it started as a lie to get out of a date, but then I just kept using you an excuse to not go to things I didn't wanna go to. And ya know, more than half the time I wasn't really lying because I was with you," he tries to excuse himself.

"Are you insane?" you ask him plainly.

"I know, I'm sorry, but I really need you to be here tonight, please," he begs, his puppy eyes starting to get to you.

"You had only asked me to be your fake date."

"Yeah, once you said yes, I was gonna work the girlfriend thing in," he smiles wryly, rubbing the back of his neck in his anxiousness.

"You're ridiculous, you know that?"

"Is that a yes?"

You roll your eyes before acquiescing, "Fine. But you've gotta come clean tomorrow. You can't start the new year with secrets, it doesn't bode well for anyone."

"Deal," he smiles his real smile this time. Then his eyes drift down to your outfit and you warm, like you always do, under his attention. "You look good," he says softly, sincerity in his voice.

"Thanks," you accept quickly. You will not let him fluster you so easily. Not tonight.

More of Bucky's friends arrive soon after you get back from your apartment, your bag of grapes and bottle of unopened cider in hand. Bucky introduces you to each of them and you're now unsurprised that they know your name and exactly who you are. And you, for your part, are in awe of each and every one of them. Though you like to think you don't make it obvious.

And it's surprising how normal it all feels.

You for sure thought you'd be a nervous wreck around these people, but, especially with Bucky by your side, you've never felt so calm and comfortable, and at a party of all places. Though you suppose it helps that you're already so comfortable around his apartment. Still, it's nice. They're nice. And fun!

Card games are played, karaoke sung, and stories told as you all snack and chat the evening away.

You're all laughing as Sam talks about how everyone was sure Bucky had been making you up like a summer camp girlfriend after the fifth time he claimed you were sick or out of town so you couldn't show up to the events they had invited you to. Of course, you had no idea about any of them, but you do know where you were each and every night they brought up.

You were here.

With Bucky.

So, he wasn't completely lying. You smile and look to Bucky who stands right next to you. Your eyes instantly meet his, a smile of his own already gracing his face. You look back down, bashful despite yourself.

The night has passed so quickly and it's already nearing midnight. You're about to go get your grapes ready, but Steve's voice stops you, catching your attention.

"Ya know, I can't even remember the last time I've seen you look so happy, Buck," Steve smiles as he looks at the two of you. "I'm really happy for you, both of you,” he adds. “It's obvious how much you two care about each other. It's good to see."

You don't know what to say, and you're too scared to look at Bucky. You just force another smile, feeling a bit sad more than anything. Because this isn't real. Whether you'd like it to be or not. It isn't. You have to remind yourself of that.

Bucky's hand squeezing your waist, and the feeling of his admiring gaze on you as he pulls you closer to his side, doesn't help. It just makes that pit in your stomach grow deeper.

This is easy for him because it means nothing.

This is killing you because it means everything. It’s everything you never give yourself permission to dream about. Everything you want. And it’s what you know isn’t for you. It couldn’t be.

Just a few more minutes, you breathe, and then you'll go back to normal. No dating, just friends...just friends? Whatever it is you are to him...

You're lost in thought as the conversation continues around you, Bucky's hand never leaving you and his gaze never wavering. Even as he engages in the conversation, his attention is solely on you.

"Oo, countdown is going!"

The yell pulls you out of your head as your eyes snap to the television. What the hell! How did you just lose eight minutes? Damn Bucky always taking up your thoughts and distracting you.

You don't have the time to get to the fridge for your grapes as the kitchen is crowded, flutes of cider and champagne being passed out among the group.

You tsk, oh well. At least you have on your red underwear.

As the count gets lower, Bucky gets closer, and you mindlessly lean back into him as you watch the live broadcast from Time Square. Ten seconds hits and you all count along, Bucky's other arm comes around as he holds you from behind. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Bucky turns you around in his arms, catching you off guard as you look up at him, your hands coming to rest on his chest.

Two.

He leans in, and you're frozen. His nose brushes yours, as his lips brush against your own. Oh.

One.

"Happy New Year," he whispers against you, cheers and exclamations of the same sentiment shared all around the living room, between everyone else.

"Happy New Year," you whisper back breathily before you unthinkingly press closer to him.

His lips meet yours as he leans in ever closer and kisses you, so softly. Your eyes flutter closed as you return his affection, kissing back harder than you intend before you break away. It feels like magic, it feels like home. And you want nothing more than to do it again. To lose yourself in him so delightfully…

You remember yourself then and almost shy away completely before Bucky takes your face in his hand, turning you back to him. You lock eyes once more and you feel like you can't breathe at what you see in his. You don't have time to think on it before his eyes flick down to your lips and then he's kissing you again. His lips press harder against yours, still moving just as gently but somehow it feels much more intimate. Sincere. Real.

You deepen the kiss and then suddenly the whooping and claps around you both bring you back to reality.

You pull away, taking a sobering breath, blinking away the haze of longing as Bucky's delicate touch remains on your cheek. You gingerly reach to take his hand, slowly pulling it off of you. You hold it for a second, squeezing his hand before letting it drop.

The celebration continues all around but you need to get yourself together. Alone.

"'M gonna use the bathroom," you whisper to him, knowing he can hear you even through the din.

You exchange 'Happy New Year' exclamations with everyone you pass on your way to his bathroom and bid goodnight to the people already getting ready to head home. A lot of them have early mornings at the tower, so you get it.

There are only a few people in the living room with Bucky as you look back before you escape to the bathroom, taking your time to decompress.

Sam, Steve, and Nat were talking with him, but his eyes were on you when you looked at them.

You knew this was a bad idea. You knew you'd get caught up in the fantasy. And somehow, he still got you to do it. You curse yourself in the mirror and then notice your smudged lipstick.

The thought of your lipstick staining Bucky's lips right out there has you in a flurry of emotions...

He kissed you. Twice. That actually happened. But did it really mean anything?

Your heart twists as you refuse to believe it could have. You just need to... God, you don't know what you need. All you know is right now you can't stop thinking about Bucky's hands on you. You can't stop thinking of how soft and supple his lips are. And how damn good of a kisser he is.

You look at yourself once more in the mirror.

Fucking hell. What are you gonna do? You sigh, eyes squeezing shut before you shake your head at yourself.

You turn back to the door, opening it right when someone's knock hits.

You're somehow surprised, and yet not at all, to see Bucky staring back at you as you pull it open wider.

"Hey," you say, raising a brow and shoving every fuzzy feeling threatening to strangle you back down.

"Hey," he started. "Everyone left. I just, uh. Wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Yeah, I'm good," you nod.

"I'm sorry. About kissing you."

"Oh," you utter - sounding more dejected than you wanted to. "Yeah, no. Don't, don't even worry about it." You muster a shamefully see through smile.

His stare is near invasive as he really looks at you, analyzing you. He opens his mouth to speak, but thinks better of it, instead giving you a tight lipped smile in return.

He nods, then looks to the floor, "Okay," he accepts.

You nibble your lip, crossing your arms as he still stands in front of you.

He notices and moves out of your way, offering a small sorry and a huff of a laugh.

You walk back out into the living room as he follows.

"Wow, this place is a mess,” you breathe a laugh, hoping to keep the subject change.

"Yeah," he agrees, "I'll be having fun tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" you question. "Are you busy now?"

"... I guess not."

"Then grab a garbage bag, Barnes. We've got work to do."

He laughs, "Oh, yeah? You're gonna stay and help me clean up?"

"What are friends for if not clean up?"

He smiles at you as his mind replays his conversation with Sam, Steve and Nat just minutes ago.

He told them the truth about you, and their reaction wasn't what he expected, but definitely what he needed.

"Wait, sorry, you're not dating her?" Nat asked, puzzled.

"Yeah, I'm confused, too," Sam added. "You guys act more like a couple than most couples I know."

"And she's cute, you seem perfect together."

"Well, we're not. Not, not perfect together," he amended, "I mean we're just not together. We're friends. Nothing more."

"Looks like a hell of a lot more, if you ask me..."

"So," Steve finally chimed in, "you spend all that time together, you talk about her constantly, and I saw the way you kissed her at midnight, Buck, but you're telling us it's nothing more than friendship?"

Bucky didn't know what to say. But he knew Steve knew what he was really feeling. He knew exactly what he wasn't saying.

"Do you want it to be more?" he asked. "Because from an outsider's perspective, it seems like you have everything with her but the label."

"I..." Bucky looked around, making sure you hadn't snuck back out of the bathroom yet, "yeah. I do want it to be more. She's, fuckin' perfect," he breathed a laugh as his thoughts, as they always do, strayed back to you. That familiar warmth that fills his chest anytime you're near, or hell, anytime he so much as thinks your name, returned to him. And suddenly his thoughts went back to the softness of your cheek as he held you close earlier. How pliant and perfectly your lips moved against his as you kissed him back. Not once, but twice.

Even still, he thinks back to when he told you why he was so reluctant to go on the dates his friends kept setting up for him. It was a lie when he said it was because he didn't want to date right now... well, partially. He really didn't want to date around. And his mind was focus on other things.

Other things, of course, being you.

When you nodded and told him you got it, that you felt the same way, his heart felt like it deflated by ten.

He was getting ready to finally make his move and ask you out, for real this time. But how could he do that now? He didn't want to be another guy you had to swat away, he couldn't be another one of your rejections. And you gave out plenty, always to his selfish delight if he was being honest. In fact, he can't remember the last time you actually went out on a date. It's been months...

Most of your nights are spent together. Just the two of you. But if you weren't wanting to date anyone right now, and he asked you, he couldn't be sure what you'd say. More importantly, where it'd leave you.

Bucky wasn't stupid, he wasn't blind, and he wasn't deaf. He had every confirmation he could ever want that you liked him the same way he liked you. But he didn't want to chase you away by pressuring a relationship, especially if that's not what you want.

"It's clear she likes you, too, ya know," Steve pointed out what he thought was the obvious.

"I know, I just. I don't wanna push her away by moving too fast. I don't think she's looking to date anybody right now,"

"If you don't ask, you'll never know."

He knew they were right. He needed to just bite the bullet and ask you outright. And he would.

But as he watches you glide around his kitchen, so at home, putting things back in their rightful places and throwing away the random garbage left behind, he thinks maybe not tonight… He doesn’t want to ask a question that might make you leave. But then again…what if it makes you stay?

"Chop chop, supersoldier," you admonish him as he continues to watch, staring dreamily at you. Your back is to him so you can't see his face, but you can feel the weight of his gaze.

Bucky follows your lead, tossing away the empty cups and putting away the leftover food and drinks while you wipe down the counter.

It really wasn't that much of a mess, but you're glad to get it cleaned now, so you won't have to worry about it tomorrow.

Wait...why would you be worried about it tomorrow? This isn't your apartment. God, you really are always over here, aren't you...

You turn to Bucky as he ties off the bag of trash.

You just look at him for a minute. Admiring him from mere feet away while he does the same to you. It's quiet between the two of you, but you can feel the charged silence as it brims with words unsaid.

You know what you want to do right now. But you do what you think you should instead.

"I guess I'll head out, then."

"Oh," he breathes.

"Oh?"

"I just, uh,” he shakes his head, "Never mind."

"No, what is it?" you prod, now entirely curious.

Bucky's bright eyes flash back up to yours and you see him search for what to say instead of saying what was on his mind.

"Your grapes," he remembers, turning to the fridge to get them for you, "you didn't eat them."

"Oh, yeah, well, too late now," you laugh softly.

"What's your resolution?" he asks.

"That's not how the grapes work, Bucky."

"Come on," he goads. "What's your resolution? I wanna know."

"Hmm. Well, good question," you think for a moment, watching him as he rinses off a bunch, then pulls two grapes from their stems. You mindlessly purse your lips as you think. "I want to be less scared," you start quietly, eyes meeting his intent gaze, when he looks back at you, "More confident," you add with a little nod.

"You, more confident?" he asks. "You're one of the most confident people I know. And I know Thor," he adds, getting the laugh he was hoping for from you.

You shrug, "Fake it til you make it." You give a soft, almost sad smile. It physically hurts him to see that hint of sadness in your eyes, and he wants nothing more than to do whatever he can to take it away. He hands you one of the two grapes and you raise a brow as you take it.

"And you?"

Your heart rate kicks up as he steps close, invading your space and standing right before you.

"I…would like to communicate better."

You huff a laugh, tittering, "Yeah, that's a good one."

"Let's both start right now," he says, holding up his grape.

"Okay. Let's," you hold up your own grape, bumping it into Bucky's as if you were toasting before you both pop your own grape into your mouth, stupid smiles on both of your faces.

As you finish, Bucky takes a step closer, surprising you as you look up to him. A bit of deja vu coming over you as you swallow hard. You wait a long breath for him to say something. And then he finally does.

"So. This is me, trying to communicate better: I'm not really sorry that I kissed you. Either time. And if I'm being entirely honest, I'd really like to kiss you again right now."

You're stunned silent and you think you can hear your blood rushing in your ears as you blink up at him.

It takes you a moment before you think you can respond, but Bucky speaks again before you do.

"But I'm not going to do that. Because I want to do this right. In fact, I've been wanting to do this right for months."

"Bucky?" you murmur quietly.

"Doll, will you do me the pleasure of accompanying me to dinner and a movie this Friday?" he asks sincerely.

Your mouth is dry and you have to force yourself to swallow hard again so you can speak. "We always do dinner and movies on Fridays," you point out.

"I mean as a date," he clarifies, holding himself to his resolution.

You stare at him, unsure of what to say. Well, that's not true. You know what you want to say. You know what you want to do. You want to say yes, and you want to lean into him again and indulge him in one more kiss, because you want to kiss him as badly as he wants to kiss you. But that terrified voice in the back of your head is currently telling you to make a run for home as fast as you can. You want to fight the fear, really you do.

Bucky is keeping his resolution already, you're just not sure if you can do the same.

"Uhm," you drone awkwardly.

He laughs that nervous laugh you rarely get to hear...the one you love.

"Is that a yes?" he asks with a hopeful wince.

It takes you a second and then your mouth moves before your brain does as you respond to him.

You stand there, a bit shocked at your own answer, and not entirely sure where to go from here...

#bucky barnes x curvy!reader #bucky barnes x reader #neighbor!bucky x reader #neighbor!bucky x curvy!reader #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes x plus size reader #ciwywt #bucky x reader #bucky x curvy!reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n

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gaiathemexicanbeauty · 8 months

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desperate sex with sanji | sanji drabble (18+)

18+ POST SO MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

sanji and you have been waiting all day and you're finally alone ♡

warnings: nsfw without barely any plot below the line, lots of praise, men whimpering (yeahhahahhahahah), p in v, afab reader!, pretty much quick and fast sex lol, this is mostly for anime sanji but i'm not gonna be the one to limit who you want this to be

"been w-waiting for this alllll dayy.." sanji whines as he pushes your legs up and apart, looking down at you with a look that elicits a soft moan out of you. it's not like you hadn't seen him all day; in fact, you had spent the day running errands together, cooked lunch together, all the good stuff that comes out of being in a relationship. what had set the two of you off was everything that had conspired that morning. your head in sanji's lap and sucking him for all he was worth, soft moans leaving you every time his fingers stroked deep inside you. the two of you had been SO close, you could have gone to sleep that night without thinking of having sex but a hard knock at the door had gone and ruined the whole thing. but now you were alone again.

sanji buries his face in your breasts with a shaky sigh of relief, a soft gasp leaving you when you feel him lick a stripe between them. your back arches as soft whines leave you when his lips find your nipples and suck on them until he leaves them perky and raw, leaving sloppy kisses on them before he pulls away. "you're absolutely stunning like this.." he says in between pants, shakily starting to line himself up with your slit. "p-please, sanji, hurry, pleeease.." you moan when he rubs only his tip against you, clearly trying to make this last. "i know, i know, beautiful, i'll make you feel so good soon, i promise." he says with a shaky voice, finally letting himself slip past your slit and making the two of you moan in unison.

he really had planned to take it easy, let the moment last like he normally did. but once he felt the way you clenched around him, he knew he was done for. a desperate sort of sound leaves him before he immediately starts to pound into you, making a loud moan leave you as your hands find his hair and tug on it. he nearly drools at the feeling, swallowing thickly as he pushes your legs further back for more access and to watch the way your breasts bounce with each thrust. "gods, p-please, gorgeous.." he whines as he massages your thighs, beads of sweat already beginning to form on his forehead. you can barely do anything but babble, too blissed out to do anything but take him. "soooo nice and tight for me, t-thank you for m-making me feel so goood." he says, the occasional whimper leaving him with every stroke inside of you.

more quickly than he wants, he can feel the coil inside him of tightening to the point of no return, a pathetic cry leaving him as he pushes your legs further apart to wrap them around his waist. he buries his face in between your breasts again, making you let out a cry of your own as he considerably picks up the pace of his hips; his words are becoming so slurred you can barely understand him. "pleasebabyplease, inside, l-let me cuminside, oh g-gods!" he cries out, leaving sloppy kisses over any skin he can reach. "p-pleaseee!" is the only response you can manage, pulling at his hair as you feel your own orgasm washing over you. before he even realizes it, pathetic whines and whimpers are slipping out of him as he cums hard, not stopping his hips for anything as you can only meet his own sounds with loud moans. your thighs twitch and shake as you let sanji ride out his orgasm, something that proves hard with the way he can't seem to get enough. without pausing, he gives you a breathless smile, this time grabbing your hips to press them impossibly closer to his. "o-one more time?"

can you guess who my favorite one piece character is yet another drabble before class bc i have 4 hours of nothing to do LMAOAO

#op sanji #vinsmoke sanji #sanji #black leg sanji #one piece sanji #sanji x reader #sanji vinsmoke #one piece smut #op x reader #one piece x reader #op smut #one piece headcanons #one piece #vinsmoke sanji x reader #vinsmoke sanji x y/n #vinsmoke sanji smut #blackleg sanji

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bluebeary-jay · 1 year

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How easy you are to need

Joel Miller x f!Reader

Summary: Joel notices that the peaceful life in Jackson has its consequences. he is not happy about it (based on this wonderful ask!)

Tags: TONS OF ANGST, but also FLUFF, established relationship, ahh intrusive thoughts (how much i hate them), Joel is probably ooc but i don't care anymore, also he's soft and insecure and vulnerable

Warnings: body dismorphia and lots of self-loathing on Joel's side, at one (two?) points borderline on smut ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) hihihi, swearing, drinking (just mentioned), suggestive stuff bc apparently i can't help myself 😌

Word count: 8K ! (8028 specifically woah)

A/N: the next fic will definitely be shorter bc i really need to start caring less about the quality of my work, it takes way too long for my liking. buuut anyway as always 🎶i hope yall will like it🎶 this is my birthday gift for you guys 💕

Joel looked at himself in the mirror with furrowed brows.

He pulled in his stomach and tried to zip his pants. It still fit, but barely. He undid the zip, turned to the side and looked at his reflection again, just to make sure.

Yeah. This pair was definitely loose until a while ago.

He glanced at the door, but didn’t hear you coming, so he sighed and looked in the mirror again. Joel was never particularly muscular, but he could no longer see those thin lines which accentuated his torso before. There was also a bit of fat above the hem of his jeans, and his frame seemed somehow heavier…

Good thing his left ear was directed to the door, because he heard the moment the water in the shower stopped running, which meant you were coming back from the bathroom. Joel spared himself one last wary look and zipped up his pants before turning around to your shared bed where his shirt lay discarded.

He was putting his arms into the sleeves when you entered. A couple of light steps, and then Joel smiled when he felt your arms wrapping around his torso. He glanced over his shoulder at you.

“You took your sweet time in the shower,” he pointed out, and he could feel your smile when you pressed your face to his back.

“We finally have hot water, so I’m gonna use it every chance I get.”

“You left some for me?”

You huffed a laugh and went around him, moving his hands away and starting to button his shirt yourself.

“There would be, if you took a shower with me.”

“Next time, sweetheart,” he chuckled and leaned in to kiss your forehead softly, combing his fingers through your wet hair. He hummed. “Your hair smells nice.”

“It’s that shampoo Ellie didn’t want.” You shook your head with a smile. “I have no idea why, it’s fantastic.”

You buttoned up the last button and smoothed your palms over his chest and down, lastly resting them on his waist. Internally Joel furrowed his eyebrows, wondering if he could always feel this fold when you put your hands in that place.

“You look handsome,” you whispered, looking up at him with twinkling eyes and such a soft, love-struck expression on your face that Joel felt his throat constricting. Everything but the sight of you faded from his mind, and he joined his hands behind your back, pulling you closer into his chest and basking in this precious smile you blessed him with. “Especially with the bed hair.”

“It’s your doin’, you know,” he murmured in response, nudging your nose with his and reminiscing how you tugged and raked your nails through his hair the night before. “You gotta be careful with it, sweet girl. If you continue doin’ it, m’gonna go bald soon.”

You hummed noncommittally and leaned against his chest, standing on your tip-toes. “I’ll take it under consideration. No promises, though.”

Joel lifted his hand to the back of your neck and kissed you slowly, reveling in the soft sigh that left your lips. You rested your palm above his heart, leaning forward to the point that you would fall over if he wasn’t supporting your weight.

But Joel held you tight and close to his body, gladly steadying you as you deepened the kiss, once again tugging on his graying hair in that way he adored. He wanted to tease you about it, but his thoughts strayed to the image of his body again when you lowered your hand from his chest to his side.

“You remember that tonight is this party?” you asked suddenly, pulling him out of his thoughts. Joel gave up pondering about his physique and sighed heavily at your question, pressing his forehead to yours.

“Yeah, I remember. Regrettably.”

“I don’t want to go, either,” you whispered with guilt, as if someone would hear you both. “But Tommy really wanted us to come and… Just don’t make me go alone.”

“Hey, darlin’.” Joel took your face in his hands and looked deeply into your eyes. “I promised, didn’t I? M’not gonna leave you there on your own.” He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to your lips, smiling against them. “And mind you, I gotta make sure no one will try to seduce and steal you away from me.”

You giggled, and you were standing so close that Joel could feel your eyelashes tickling his skin. He held you close when you tried to take a step back, and your lips collided again.

“That is the one thing you don’t need to ever worry about,” you murmured quietly into the space between you two. “How could I even look at other people when I have you all to myself?”

Joel’s reflection in the mirror flashed across his mind again and a small wave of uncertainty rippled through him, but it quickly disappeared when you opened your eyes and looked at him with this raw love radiating from them. Your every word, every affectionate gesture only confirmed his conviction that you meant every word you said.

So why did he still feel so uncertain?

*****

Life in Jackson was perfect. Considering the state of the world right now, living here was like winning a lottery.

Joel had a lot to be thankful for, he was well aware of that. No longer had he any fears or sense of guilt about going to sleep and leaving you and Ellie defenseless if something were to happen. He didn’t have to count rations anymore, worrying that the kid would be forced to march all day hungry. There was now no need to keep a watchful eye for new clothes if someone’s worn off, ripped or got soaked from walking in the rain, posing a threat of you or Ellie catching a cold.

Back in Boston it wasn’t much different, though he and you had at least a bed to sleep in, as uncomfortable as it was. But there was never enough food for all those people Fedra kept there, and the winters were cold as hell, leaving at least one of you a bit sick every year.

None of those things were keeping him awake at night anymore. The only people he had to take care of – you and Ellie – were safe and comfortable. None of you had to starve or freeze, and you all didn’t have to continue walking across the country for days and days without end, struggling to survive.

Maybe that was the problem.

Joel wasn’t stupid. He knew that those luxuries he had an access to now were at the root of his problem. Before you all settled in Jackson, you were constantly on the move, fighting for your lives in one way or another, so of course he was… leaner and more fit back then. It was never something he paid attention to, though, never something he concerned himself with.

But now you three were living here, surrounded by more people than Joel could count, and he couldn’t help but… notice things about them.

Especially about all those men and women who looked at you in a different way.

Due to the nature of the party Tommy invited them to – mainly consisting of dancing and talking in the biggest bar in Jackson – Joel had a lot of time to ponder about his situation, all while nursing his drink and looking at you from across the room with his elbows resting on the table.

You were chatting with one of your friends near the counter, laughing and smiling so beautifully. No matter where Joel’s eyes strayed, they always came back to your person, as if you were the moon against the pitch black sky, reflecting some imperceptible light.

Some guy he knew by sight – Chuck? Bart? – walked up and tapped you on the shoulder, and from what Joel could tell, he was offering you a drink. He was standing way too close, though, and you took a step closer to your friend, shaking your head. Chuck – or Bart – persisted for another half a minute, but eventually shrugged and shuffled off, his movements tense.

Joel didn’t move. He knew from experience that you’d let him know if you needed his help.

As if sensing his gaze, you turned your head and sent him a radiant smile. He mirrored it, lifting his glass slightly like he was toasting you, which made you do the same before resuming the conversation with your friend.

His smile disappeared as soon as you stopped looking at him. Joel sighed and rubbed his eyes with his fingers, feeling a headache coming from the dull lights and loud chatter all around.

It were moments like this when it hit him just how old he was compared to you.

You were a sweet, young thing. Funny, sharp, drop-dead gorgeous… No wonder some people were seeking your attention. That guy was just one of the half a dozen he saw or heard about since you moved to Jackson.

Joel knew you were a loyal sort – God, he knew that, he knew you for so long now – but every time he saw you talking to someone else, his treacherous mind started to wonder if he wasn’t somehow keeping you chained to his person.

It was probably alcohol talking, but Lord, if he wasn’t reminded of how old he was compared to you every time he saw you next to your peers. You still had so much life ahead of you, and he was pushing sixty, for fuck’s sake. Before long he’ll be old and decrepit, unable to bring something useful to the table or help you in any way, and you’d still be as pretty as ever, trapped in a relationship with an old man.

For example, that guy – Chuck, or whomever – was way closer to your age, had handsome features, and Joel knew for a fact he was working at tree felling, so he had to be muscular, too.

Joel was once, too. Once.

He subtly ran his hand across his stomach under the jacket, his brows furrowed, and leaned back on the bench to get rid of those damned fat folds.

He sighed and downed the rest of the liquor in his glass, trying very hard not to think about it, not to put himself down like that and let those cruel thoughts fester in his mind, but no matter what, he couldn’t stop comparing himself to this guy, and also… how you looked next to him.

Shit. What if he was doing you more harm than good by continuing to stay with you?

“I could pickpocket you and you wouldn’t notice.”

Joel looked up, abruptly pulled out of his thoughts. You were standing over his table with your head tilted and still that beaming smile on your face.

“What are you thinking about, handsome?”

He opened his mouth, glanced in the direction of the bar, and closed it. There was no sign of any of the people you just talked with.

“Nothin’,” he replied, maybe a little too dryly, so he quickly changed the subject. “You havin’ fun?”

“Yeah, it’s nicer than I thought.” You looked around and then spotted the empty glass on the table in front of him. “Do you want me to bring you another one?”

“No, there’s no need,” he grumbled, but you had already put your drink down and sent him a wink.

“I'll be right back, baby.”

Joel hissed your name but you just looked over your shoulder with a smirk, swinging your hips provocatively to the music and ignoring him completely. He sighed heavily, slumping in his seat.

He needed to get his shit together. Fuck his insecurities, he didn’t want to take his frustration out on you when you were nothing but a ray of sunshine in his life, always so good and affectionate.

Joel’s thoughts came to a sudden stop when he searched for you in the crowd and noticed another man, this time one he didn’t know, swinging his arm over your shoulders while you waited at the bar. He tried to read your body language from here, but you didn’t seem particularly uncomfortable with the man’s actions. Joel furrowed his brows, a pit of uncertainty forming in his stomach again... but then you threw the man’s heavy limb off your shoulders and went back to Joel’s table as soon as you got the drink.

“Thanks, darlin’,” he murmured, taking a large gulp despite telling himself earlier that he was done drinking for today. “Were you okay back there?” He pointed his chin towards the bar.

You sat down next to him and smiled innocently. “Whatever do you mean?”

Joel knew you long enough to recognize when you were teasing him, and he smirked despite the doubts swirling in his mind.

“Was that guy givin’ you any trouble?” he asked lazily, deciding to play along.

“Would you beat the shit out of him if I said yes?” you asked with your eyebrows raised, and Joel shrugged, acting nonchalant.

“Probably.”

You giggled and bumped his shoulder with yours playfully.

“Then no. Peter’s a good guy. Just a little,” you seemed to be looking for the right word, “uhm, persistent.” When Joel sent you a dubious look, you rolled your eyes and made a face. “He’s politely hitting on me, but doesn’t get that I’m not interested. He works at the same place I do.”

“If he keeps makin’ you uncomfortable, that’s not very polite.” You squinted at him and Joel lifted his hands in fake surrender. “M’not sayin’ anythin’. You can take care of yourself, I know that.”

You hummed melodically and glanced at the bar, then back at Joel. Then back at the bar again where that Peter guy stood. Joel noticed you biting the inside of your cheek, so he gently nudged your knee with his.

“What’s on your mind, sweet girl?”

“Maybe you could help me make it clear that I’m taken?” you blurted out quickly, making him crack a smile and chuckle under his breath.

It was so very easy to forget about all the problems in the world when you were there, sitting right next to him and warming his soul and body with your mere presence.

“Come ‘ere,” he breathed and tugged you gently to sit on his lap. You faltered, but he gave your hand another light tug, and finally you let him guide you, putting one arm around his shoulders and making yourself comfortable.

Joel’s hand mindlessly went to rest on your thigh and he rubbed it comfortingly. That Peter guy, as he noted with satisfaction, was staring right back at you, eyeing the way your body was pressed flush against Joel’s with a twisted face.

Once the eyes of the both men met, Joel leaned in and kissed your neck, keeping eye contact the entire time. Peter turned away, taking a large swig from his glass.

Joel felt your muscles relaxing, and you giggled adorably next to his ear at his antics, hiding your neck between your shoulders when he nibbled at your skin lightly. Then your hand covered his, the one lying on your thigh, and stroked his skin lovingly.

Maybe Joel was keeping you chained somehow. Then again, he was but a selfish creature after all. He didn’t know if he could bring himself to ever truly let you go.

*****

The next few days – which then turned into weeks – Joel spent wondering. Mostly about what to do with his predicaments.

He had a couple of them.

The first problem was the nights. They became more difficult since he noticed… details about himself that weren’t there before, and which bothered him more and more with each day.

Joel used to love the nightfall, especially since you all settled in Jackson. In those evening hours no one bothered him, he could finally relax, spend some time alone with you, and later collapse on the bed to get a good-night sleep.

Well, not anymore.

The bedtime unexpectedly became the most stressful one for him. He was so fucking mad at himself, because laying down and having a chance to hold you in his arms was something he treasured for the longest time, but now his own insecurities stood in a way of it.

You loved cuddling and being close to him in your sleep, and Joel was never bothered by it – hell, he initiated those moments more often than not. But now he started noticing more and more how this layer of fat on his stomach moved and looked like when you draped your arm around him or snuggled closer to his chest, and it became all he could think about.

It bothered Joel so much that he started wearing a t-shirt to bed, even though he hated it with all his passion. When you asked about it, he lied that he’s cold, but in reality he was always sweaty by morning. It didn’t seem to make any difference to you, though, and you didn’t shy away from pressing your body close to his, and even slipping your hands under his shirt when you were spooning him. Some days Joel was waking up with you lying on his chest or having your arm slung across his belly, and every time it caused a lump in his throat.

He knew you didn’t mean anything bad by it – for God’s sake, you probably didn’t even have any idea that he had a problem with himself – but what once was a wonderful start of the day, now became a bitter reminder of all those things he was insecure about.

Recently he built a habit of waking up before you – he did it often before, but he always stayed in bed and waited for you to open your eyes, too – and carefully disentangling himself from your embrace. It wasn’t like it didn’t feel wonderful to be enveloped by you in this way, but once he stirred awake, lying still was a herculean task. No matter how much he tried to ignore it, his skin was itching and buzzing, he was sweating from nerves and a lot of horrible, self-depriving thoughts were flooding his mind.

So once he woke up, he’d go take a shower, trying to be a little bit louder than necessary in hopes that you’d already be awake when he gets back – so that he wouldn’t feel so guilty about not laying back down next to you.

The second of his problems was that you began to watch him more closely.

He didn’t know when it started happening, but in hindsight he realized it was just a matter of time – he was acting weird, after all, and you knew him too well not to notice anything.

A couple of times in the last few days only, Joel caught you staring at him in silence. Your eyes were solemn and your forehead sad, though you were quick to smile and act like nothing was amiss as soon as he turned your way.

You must have known something was wrong, but Joel didn’t ask about it. Honestly, with all that was happening in his own head, he didn’t want to know.

But at the same time it was as if nothing odd was happening. You were your usual self, a blessing in Joel’s life, and you still sought to be close to him and spend as much time together as possible. You still told him you loved him, surprised him with unexpected gestures of affection…

Just like today – you hugged him from behind while he was dressing up, started kissing his shoulders so tenderly and murmuring sweet nothings into his skin… In those moments Joel could almost forget about everything that was nagging him. It was easy to believe that you still liked the way he looked, that he was deserving of you, when you treated him with nothing but overwhelming love.

But the itch in the back of his mind never really disappeared. Even though he wanted it to.

Those thoughts filled his mind while you were sitting on his lap, telling him some story from work in a soft voice. You two were at Tommy’s, waiting for him to get back from helping his wife with something, and the day was so beautiful that you all went out onto the patio in front of the house to enjoy the unusually warm weather for this time of the year.

Joel’s hand was on your thigh, stroking it absentmindedly, while he nodded to whatever you were saying, but for the life of him, he could not focus.

Has your physique changed as well? Joel didn’t care about those things, of course, and in his eyes you were as breathtaking as ever – maybe even more, since so many of your worries disappeared and he got to see your smile more often. And you still felt perfect under his hands when he was holding you at night, still looked like a goddess every time he got to admire your naked body.

But even though he wouldn’t have cared either way if you gained some weight or looked any different, his body still bothered him.

You rested your head on his shoulder, and Joel fixed his attention to the wind-blown tree crowns in the distance.

Maybe he should start exercising.

Joel never liked the idea of waking up early and running down the streets in a sweat-soaked t-shirt, or going to the gym where everyone seems to stare and judge you, but it was never necessary.

With how much traveling, heavy-lifting and working he had to do, he never concerned himself with the way he looked. Hell, these things are the last on your mind when you’re fighting for your life in this god-forsaken world. But here, in Jackson, it was different. Life was good, and you were happy. And as stupid as it sounded for him, Joel wanted to look good for you.

Maybe he should ask Maria to assign him to extra patrols. He already volunteered for the morning ones, but perhaps…

“You’re quiet.”

Joel didn’t realize you stopped telling your story. He pressed his lips together and his hand on your thigh stilled.

“Sorry.”

“No need for that,” you reassured him quickly. Then you cupped his cheeks and lifted his head gently. “I don’t mean ‘now’, though, I mean… lately, in general.” Your eyes were flickering across his face, like you were hoping to read the answer from his features. “Is there something you wanna talk about?”

No. Hell no. It was bad enough that Joel himself was aware of his issue, he didn’t want to make it even more noticeable by pointing it out to you.

Which reminded him – he moved his torso away from you only a few millimeters.

“No, babygirl,” he answered. He brushed some hair behind your ear, smiling softly even though inside he despised himself for lying to you. “Everythin’s fine.”

You didn’t seem convinced and still were studying his face with concern. Joel resumed petting your thigh, wanting to put you at ease. He could worry about himself, but he didn’t need to concern you with his problems, too.

“I promise,” he added. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.”

That look in your eyes didn’t disappear, but you hummed and dropped your hands. It didn’t take a genius to know you didn’t believe him.

“If you say so,” you answered at last, and then covered his hand on your leg with your own. “But remember you can talk to me whenever you want. About anything.”

Jesus, your kindness was only confirming his concerns if he was the right person for you. Joel shook his head with a crooked smile.

“You’re gettin’ sappy.”

“It’s because I’m worried,” you shot back without skipping a beat, swatting at his chest with the back of your hand. “And you’re not making it any easier.”

“There’s nothin’ for you to worry about,” he repeated, trying to keep the irritation out of his voice. But he failed.

You pressed your lips together and then made a move to get up from his lap without a word. Joel held onto you delicately, not letting you stand up.

“Wait, darlin’,” he sighed, rubbing his eyes with his fingers. “Didn’t mean to say it that way. I just… feel tired. Sorry.”

Your eyes softened when you took in the regret and weariness on his face. Joel felt your fingertips on his jaw, but before you could question him further, Tommy returned from the inside of the house with a grin.

“Age is a heavy burden, eh, ol’ dog?” he teased, apparently having heard the last bit of their conversation. The younger Miller placed three bottles of beer on the table, and winked at you. “That’s just how it is for us now. Enjoy your youth while you still can, punk.”

Joel felt a sharp jab in his ribs, not unlike being stabbed. He couldn’t find it in himself to look at his brother, less alone laugh at his teasing.

Of course Tommy didn’t mean anything bad by it, but his words were just a bitter reminder of the ever-present pit of Joel’s stomach.

The weight of you on his lap suddenly felt a lot lighter, and he himself felt so, so very heavy and tired.

Old.

Joel could feel your eyes boring into his face, but a second later you turned to Tommy, taking the burden of filling the uncomfortable silence.

“It’s already started for me. Sometimes I feel like my bones want to kill me prematurely.”

“M’sure Joel won’t let that happen. He’d fight your skeleton if you said it’s botherin’ you.”

You snorted and shook your head, but your smile faltered when you turned to Joel again. He almost broke down right then and there from the guilt and tightness in his chest.

And the dark feeling inside him just grew when your eyes stayed sad and concerned for the rest of the day.

*****

It had to end.

Joel could no longer pretend everything was alright like he wasn’t dying on the inside every time you did as much as hold his hand. He felt horrible about lying, avoiding spending time together and denying you affection he knew you so loved receiving.

If he was being honest with himself, he wanted this affection, too. Undisturbed with self-doubts and guilt.

He fucking craved it.

Those last few weeks, his evenings were mostly spent away from you and the warmth of your shared home. The nights, on the other hand, when he would sneak in and quietly lay down next to you (but just a little further away), became full of intrusive thoughts and wallowing in self-loathing.

No matter what excuse he came up with, you were persistent in holding and being close to him during the night, and Joel discovered that the only way to prevent you from doing it was to come to bed after you’ve already fallen asleep.

But it was a damn torture.

The worst part was when he was coming home to the sight of you lying amongst the tangled sheets and blankets in his bed. No matter if you were drooling or a pillow has imprinted itself on your cheek, every time this sight made Joel weak in the knees. You looked like a gorgeous, priceless painting, and it pained him to disrupt your rest with his arrival.

He tried to volunteer for evening patrols, because then he’d have a real reason to come home late, but not only Maria didn’t want to pair him with anyone during those hours – she also suspended him from all patrols whatsoever. Joel was understandably furious, but the damn woman threatened to tell Tommy about it if he kept being ‘a stubborn pain in her ass’. She sent him back home, murmuring something about spending more time with you, which he tried to pretend he hadn’t heard.

Joel sighed, sitting up on the edge of the bed and hiding his face in his hand.

If Maria of all people could see that there were some problems in your and Joel’s relationship, then you had to notice, too.

Christ, he was the worst.

Joel didn’t want to push you away, of course not. He wanted to stay with you more than anything, but that desire did nothing to diminish the guilt suffocating him. For some time, he felt like the luckiest man alive, having the privilege to call you his and every day come home to you. But now with all those little things he started to notice, he felt like a fraud.

It wasn’t even about him not deserving you anymore – it was that you didn’t deserve this fucking treatment he was giving you these past few weeks.

Fuck, he had to tell you the truth. About the patrols, sneaking out, distancing himself, all of it. He couldn’t bear lying to you a day longer.

Joel stood up and pulled his sweaty t-shirt over his head. He wrinkled his nose at the smell and patted himself under his armpits and on the back, then reached for a clean one.

He’ll figure it out. He just needed some time to come up with a way to–

“Morning, handsome.”

Joel flinched and turned around quickly, not having realized you were awake, but whatever excuse he had in mind, it fell dead on his lips.

You stretched with a groan, reaching one arm high above your head and rubbing your eyes with the other hand. A sleepy smile danced on your lips when you looked back at him with sparkles in your slightly puffy eyes, and Joel didn’t have any other word to describe you than ‘ethereal’.

“What are you doing?” you asked groggily, relaxing against the pillow and looking him up and down.

“Uhmm…” he hesitated, clutching the t-shirt that was in need of washing close to his chest. His gaze was drawn to the window. “Goin’ out, actually. I’ve got some work…”

“No, you don’t,” you interrupted him and swung off the covers from his side of the bed. “Get back here.”

Joel looked at you with surprise.

“What?”

“You heard me, Miller. Get your ass back on the bed.”

He crumpled the shirt in his hands, hesitating, but his eyes softened as soon as he looked back at you and your raised eyebrows – like you were challenging him to just try and refuse you.

But how could he, when you looked so pretty lying in his bed and demanding to have him close to you? How could he ever deny you anything?

With a defeated sigh, Joel started putting the t-shirt back on, but the sound of you humming in protest stopped him. Your face was grumpy when he glanced up.

“Nah. No shirt.” You extended your hand in his direction, making a grabbing motion. “Come here.”

Joel didn’t move. “Why?”

You rolled your eyes and dramatically flopped down onto the pillows, looking up at him with an adorable pout.

“Because it’s been a long time since I got a chance to admire my handsome, sexy man,” you answered with sincerity, and then grinned. “Now come here. If you ditch your shirt, I’ll consider ditching mine.”

He still didn’t move. You were patient, but when it became clear that he wasn’t going to do anything, you sent him a small, sweet smile. “If you get cold again, I promise to do something about it, love.”

Joel physically felt his heart softening at your words and at the sight of you.

With a silent sigh – and only a split second of hesitation – he took off the t-shirt and quickly laid down on his back next to you. He felt a bile rise in his throat, though he had no idea why, and it became almost choking when you shifted closer to him, putting one hand on his chest.

“You’ve deprived me of this beautiful view for too long,” you whispered, kissing the place below his collarbone, and then going up to the base of his neck. “I missed seeing you like this.”

“There’s nothin’ to miss,” Joel muttered, not moving a single muscle. He had his hands entwined on his stomach and to look in your direction was the biggest effort anyone could demand from him now. “We sleep next to each other every night, sweetheart.”

“You know what I mean,” you breathed into his neck, leaving love bites wherever your lips strayed. “You’re going out so early these days. And you work late.”

“Patrols,” Joel grunted with gritted teeth, his muscles tense and breathing ragged as your warm palm caressed his waist. “Sorry.”

“You work too hard, love.” You sat up and swung one of your legs over his lap. Joel actually shivered when you took his hands in your own and placed them on your hips. “Let me help you relax.”

Oh, fuck.

Jesus fucking Christ, Joel was sure he was going to drop dead at any second now.

“Darlin’…” he began, but you made a noise in your throat and leaned in to kiss him deeply, pressing your body to his. Joel loved when you initiated those moments between you two, and you looked so fucking hot sitting on top of him – but for the life of him, he could not relax.

“It hits me every once in a while how lucky I am to have you,” you whispered in such a sweet, adoring voice, like you didn’t hear him. You pressed your lips against his stubble again, igniting every inch of his skin with your touch. “Let me enjoy you. I love you so much, you know that?”

“I…”

I love you, too.

Lord, he loved you so much. Why was it so hard to return your affections, then? Why did he feel like the biggest crook by letting you love him?

Joel let out a shuddering sigh he didn’t know he was holding when you pressed your lips to the edge of his jaw, before capturing his mouth in a kiss. It was sweet, but heated at the same time and, without even thinking about it, he found himself wrapping his strong arms around you, bringing you closer to his chest. You smiled against his lips and murmured something he didn’t quite catch.

A groan escaped him when you bit his lower lip lightly, your soft palm going down, from his chest, to his stomach, down…

He couldn’t do it.

Joel abruptly rose to the sitting position and grabbed your wrist, his eyes sad and painful.

“I’m sorry, baby” he said with furrowed brows, gently setting you aside and off his lap, before standing up quickly. “I’m so sorry, babygirl, I love you, I promise, but I can’t… I don’t feel good today. I’m sorry.”

“Joel…” you started, but he shook his head, putting his t-shirt back on and turning away from you not to let you see the absolute wrecked expression on his face and wetness in his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he kept saying, feeling like he’s about to throw up from the nerves and the burning shame. He cursed himself internally, wanting to turn around, to take your face in his hands and kiss you deeply, but he… he... “I’m so…”

All strength left him in a blink of an eye and suddenly he slumped on the bed, hiding his face in his hands. Joel desperately tried to get a grip on himself, but his chest felt so tight, and all the worry, all the guilt and fear, and self-loathing came crashing down on him all at once.

“M’sorry, darlin’,” he whispered hoarsely, his lips trembling and that damn muscle in his cheek pulsing when he felt the mattress dipping and your tentative touch on his face.

“No, no, baby, it’s alright,” you started saying quietly, trying to take his cheeks in your hands, but he didn’t let you. “Oh, Joel… Come here.”

You gently pulled him into your arms, guiding his head to rest in the crook of your neck. Joel hid his face in your skin, realizing with dread that his own shoulders were shaking.

For God’s sake, he needed to stop, he needed to put himself together and not show any weakness–

But it was you. It was your warm embrace and your loving hands brushing his hair, and your quiet whispers while you held him. It was your kindness and understanding, and stubbornness coming from love. You weren’t someone he had to hide from.

So he let you in. He let you hold him.

“Joel, please. Talk to me,” you spoke up after some time, and though your tone was soft, it somehow sounded too loud in the silence of the room. “I need to know what’s going on with you, you’re worrying me.”

“Nothin’ is goin’ on,” he answered out of habit, not even moving a muscle. “I just… fuck, sorry.”

“Stop apologizing and talk to me.” Joel pursed his lips, while you massaged his back gently. “Whatever it is, we’re gonna get through it together, okay? It’s gonna be okay, love, I promise.”

He planned on telling you. He wanted to tell you and get it off his chest, but… he wasn’t ready. Not now. Not when he broke down in front of you, for fuck’s sake.

But you deserved to know. If not to help him, then at least to make you aware of what you’ve gotten yourself into. It wasn’t fair to keep you in the dark and at arm’s length because of his absurd fears.

He wetted his lips and inhaled softly, but no words came out.

You gently lifted his head and Joel immediately squeezed his eyes shut, knowing there was no way he’d be able to say anything if he looked at you.

“You can tell me, baby,” you whispered sadly, touching the side of his face. “Anything. I promise everything will be alright.”

Joel was silent for a couple of moments, before he swallowed and took a deep breath, trying to calm down his pounding heart.

“I don’t have any extra work,” he started very quietly, so his voice wouldn’t break. “I was lyin’ to you, and I… I’m so sorry about that. I don’t get sent on any patrols now, actually…”

He shook his head and sighed heavily, faltering. He knew that wasn’t the problem, and although lying to you was one of the things he was guilty of, it wasn’t what started all of it. And you must’ve known it, too, because you kept looking at him, not saying anything.

“The thin’ is, I… God dammit,” he murmured, turning his head away from you and hiding his face in his hands, still keeping his eyes closed. “I can’t… I don’t– I have a problem with myself,” he finally blurted out, not even caring now if you understood his muffled words. “I keep…”

Fuck, man, just say it.

“I’m… I’m not as fit as I used to be,” he murmured, not moving an inch in fear that you’ll spot the wetness on his eyelashes. “I don’t want to do you harm, darlin’, keepin’ you from… Jesus, I don’t know. From livin’ your life, happily and to the fullest.”

“Joel…” You whispered with pain in your voice. “Is this what it is about?”

Joel shook his head, letting out a shuddering breath, still as quietly as he could.

“I’m old,” he said with tiredness he didn’t know he had in himself. “And you… You’re so pretty and young, I…” He lowered his forehead onto his hand, rubbing his temple. “I would like nothin’ more than to spend the rest of my life with you, darlin’. But I’m afraid I’m not… not good for you. You could do so much better–”

“Hey. Hey, none of that.” You forced his hands away from his face by cradling it in your own palms. “There’s no one else I’d rather share my days with.”

Joel just shut his eyes tighter, trying to contain the tears that started to gather in them.

“I know, sweetheart,” he whispered. “But in a couple of years I’ll be… God, I’ll be fuckin’ sixty, and you–”

“Do you really think I care about that?” you asked softly, brushing your thumbs under his eyes, but he shook his head, like you didn’t understand. “Joel, I love you more than anything in this world. And I know you love me.” He heard the faintest smile in your voice, and it made him feel so, so terrible with himself – that you were trying to make him feel better when you shouldn’t have, he shouldn’t have been another one of your worries… “So where’s the problem? I want to be with you. Only you.”

Joel pressed his lips together and before he could stop himself, he draped his arms over his lap, like he was trying to hide the evidence of his insecurities from you, even though his torso was already covered by the t-shirt.

“You’re young and beautiful,” he repeated, still unable to find strength in himself to look you in the eye. “And I’m anythin’ but. I just don’t wanna…”

Joel didn’t know what else to say.

He didn’t want you to leave. He didn’t want to spend another night apart from you. He didn’t want to push you away.

“Just don’t want you to be unhappy,” he finally murmured.

You let out something between a short chuckle and a stifled sob, and your fingers found Joel’s, still wrapped around his stomach.

“Do I look unhappy to you?” you asked, almost in disbelief. Joel finally willed himself to glance at you, if only to see for himself – which turned out to be a mistake. Your eyes were sad and teary, but not full of hurt or distaste like he feared, and you still had this faint smile on your face. He quickly turned his head away and you must’ve realized how you looked because your hold on his fingers tightened slightly. “Not right now. In general, did I ever do something to make you think I’m not happy with you?”

“No,” he answered quietly, not even having to think about it. “But it doesn’t…”

“I told you before, how can I even look at anyone else when I have you?” you spoke up when he faltered. “You’re beautiful to me, Joel, even if you don’t believe me right now. You’re amazing and kind, you’re fucking hot, and yeah, maybe you’re stubborn at times, but I love you so much, and every day I find another reason to fall for you all over again.”

Joel met your eyes again, looking for any hesitation or deceit – but he didn’t find any. As always, you were sincere in everything you said.

He realized, with another wave of tears threatening to roll down his cheeks, how much he missed your affection that he alone deprived himself from. How much he longed for this intimacy that once came so easily to him.

“M’sorry,” he muttered at last, lifting his hand to your face and trying to ignore those damn tears spilling from behind his eyelids. “Never doubted you, babygirl, but I just didn’t know how… how to tell you.”

“It’s okay, Joel,” you nuzzled your cheek into his palm, planting a kiss on the inside of his hand. “It’s alright, c’mon here.”

Not letting go of his hand, you tugged him gently and leaned back on the pillows. With great effort he refrained from fighting you, and instead let you pull him down, laying his head on your chest.

And in an instant, everything was alright again. The moment Joel heard your heartbeat under his ear and felt your gentle hands on the nape of his neck and his back… it was like coming home. This feeling of warmth spreading across his limbs made him feel safe for the first time in weeks.

It was so long since he fully let you hold him.

Maybe that’s what he’s been missing.

“I adore you, Joel Miller,” you whispered into the top of his head, holding him close to your heart. “All of you, and just the way you are.”

Joel couldn’t help it – a small smile crept onto his lips.

“Called it,” he murmured. “You’re gettin’ sappy.”

You snorted and kissed his hairline. “I think you need it, handsome.”

“Maybe I do,” he conceded, not moving his head from your chest, and sighed tiredly. “Dammit, missed holdin’ you like this, babygirl. M’so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” you countered, but he continued.

“I just didn’t know how to talk about it… How to tell you that I feel bad. About… the way I look.”

Joel felt your hands on his cheeks, and although he really didn’t want to move from the position he was in, he let you lift his head.

“I love the way you look,” you said quietly, in a tone that made Joel’s old heart flutter. “And our bodies change, there’s nothing wrong with that. If anything, I’m really happy that both of us can enjoy this kind of life.” You leaned in and nudged Joel’s nose with yours, closing your eyes. “Every change of our bodies is a sign that we’re finally safe after all we’ve been through.

“But you look gorgeous as ever, sweet girl.”

“M’glad to hear it, Mr Miller,” you teased, but then your smile turned wistful. “But you know, I was insecure about my looks, too, not sure if you noticed. My stomach and thighs, and,” you rolled your eyes, “well, my butt.”

Normally Joel would throw a playful remark, or try to make you giggle, but this time he stayed silent. He just listened to your soft voice, drinking in your features.

“It worried me for some time. But you still put your hand on my leg when I was sitting with you, and you never shied away from telling and showing me,” you stressed this word, a teasing note in your tone, “how much you like my body.”

“‘Course I do,” he murmured quietly, lifting himself on his elbows and leaning over you despite your huffs and efforts to keep him in place.

“So I thought that maybe you didn’t care about this extra weight, or even didn’t–”

The rest of your words were swallowed by Joel’s lips when he kissed you deeply and hungrily. So many strong emotions were swirling inside his chest, he didn’t know anymore what to do with himself. At first you tried to continue your train of thought, but soon gave up, erupting into giggles when Joel latched his lips onto your neck and wrapped his arms around you in an attempt to bring you in even closer.

“I didn’t care,” he was whispering into your skin, leaving a trail of wet kisses in his wake. “I don’t.”

“Then you see– Joel, stop it!” You squealed when he carried on with his assault, not giving you a second to gather your thoughts.

“M’so lucky to have you,” he whispered while peppering your face in soft kisses. “Thank you, babygirl.”

You finally managed to free your arms, and you cupped his face in your hands with a huge grin that Joel decided he wanted to see every day. Another adorable giggle escaped you when he snuggled his scratchy cheek into your palm.

“I know it will take time,” you said gently, but firmly, looking deep into his eyes. “But no matter how long it’ll take, I will make you understand how incredibly attracted I am to you.” Joel hung his head low to hide a bashful snigger, and your smile grew. “Understand?”

“Yeah, yeah. Understood, ma’am.”

“Good.” You pulled him closer to plant a slow kiss on his lips, and asked seductively: “I can start right now, if you’d want to. I don’t want my handsome man to feel insecure about any part of him.”

God, he loved you so much.

Joel hid his face in the crook of your neck again, his heart squeezing with adoration and disbelief at how it came that he’d been blessed with someone like you.

“Y’know what, sweetheart? I think it’d do me good.”

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us #joel miller #joel miller x y/n #joel tlou #i will actually be taking a break because i have uni stuff to do which i REALLY neglected on behalf of this fic #i really got carried away with this one and the final scene took me so long to write omg #i really tried to approach this topic with respect and understanding and i very much hope it's alright #soft joel miller #joel miller fluff #the last of us fic

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villainology · 9 months

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i feel like a kid running around with their drawing to show everyone else in the room bc i've already told like 2 other blogs about this scenario i had while i was trying to sleep but can you IMAGINE being a family friend of the sawyers? maybe your grandparents knew theirs before times were tough and cannibalism became their means of survival, and your family's died off and left you the little farmhouse and patch of land a few miles outside of the sawyers' boundaries. drayton's clarified you're off-limits (through some honorary family-friend ideals, or as not to upset grandpa 'cause your folks were always kind to them) and you're none the wiser to their true savagery they get up to (you can hear a scream once or twice, when you drive your dad's old beat up truck near their land sometimes, but you always think they've got really rowdy and funny sounding goats). but you've inherited your family's farmhouse and poor little you just doesn't know anything about farming and fixing up the house! no matter how hard you try, nothing grows, so one uneventful day you drop off some seeds as a gift for drayton since, well, they're not getting any use with you, and you mention a problem that needs fixing. maybe it's a rusty shed door you can't get open, or a busted roof. either way, drayton's always liked to keep up apparances and you haven't had a chance to meet the new additions of the family, so drayton sends johnny back with you (after giving him thorough lecturing about how no, you are NOT a potential victim, you're just a little oblivious, and plus johnny's the most... convincingly normal one out of all of them, arguably) to fix something up for you as thanks for the seeds. so now there's a sweaty, attractive, pretty charming (and maybe a little subtly condescending) guy fixing up something because you hadn't the slightest clue how to fix it, so you might as well make him some lemonade or tea and thank him! and, well, johnny might think you're amusing. pretty sweet, pretty cute, pretty *airheaded*. drayton said you were off-limits for anything violent, of course, but that didn't mean he couldn't test any other limits, right?

aaaah~ no bc wait I think you’re onto something here!! you got me thinking so many filthy thots rn, so I made a lil drabble, hope that’s okay w you? 😭❤️ sjdbdjdndnfnf I hope it’s written okay, I wrote this half asleep in bed but I couldn’t stop thinking abt it!

warnings — slight dub-con, light smut, Johnny being Johnny!

“Here you go, Mr Johnny,” you smiled up the ladder toward him as you walked out with two glasses of lemonade in hand, “where’d ya want it?”

“Just set it down on the table there.” His voice was stern, a tad hint of annoyance laced into it, not that you noticed.

Johnny stood at the top of the ladder, nail in mouth as he hammered another into roof of your porch, closing off the gap which would hopefully stop the rattling noise anytime there was a gust of wind. He slipped the hammer and last few nails into his work belt before looking down at you stood below him, so innocently sipping through the curly straw in your lemonade glass.

The Texan heat wasn’t good for much, but the way it made a light coat of sweat glisten on your body as the sun began to set was enough to make him appreciate the summer weather. Your denim shorts just a little too high up and your white vest top just a little too low, but from where he was stood he got to have the perfect angle down your shirt, and you were none the wiser.

Johnny carefully came down the ladder before picking his glass up off the table, his eyes never once leaving your body. He couldn’t help but chuckle to himself, you really were oblivious, so innocent and air-headed that he wondered how you survived off by yourself all these years before coming back to the farmlands.

The way Drayton sent him out here with you alone, like sending a lamb off to the slaughter — an adorable, pretty little lamb making lemonade for a starving lion. Johnny wondered to himself what you’d think if you found out what they were really like, just how savage and dangerous they were, would you run scared from him, give him chase to hunt you down on acres of land?

“Sorry about you having to come out here, I’ve clearly got a lot to learn about all this type of stuff, huh?” You laughed as you gestured toward the house and the land surrounding it.

Johnny was snapped from his thoughts, a fake little smile crossing his face as he nodded, “don’t sweat it, darlin’, friends helping out friends, ain’t that right?”

He knew that Drayton said you weren’t to be a victim, that you weren’t some prey to be chased and hunted down, butchered just for the hell of it, but what about anything else? After all, this was Drayton’s way of saying thanks to you, but what did Johnny get out of this? Where was his thank you for fixing up your roof free of charge? If you weren’t going to be Johnny’s victim then he’d sure as hell find away for you to give him thanks.

“Say,” he placed his half empty glass down on the table beside him, “you moved back up here all alone, not got a boyfriend following you here?”

“Oh, heh, no. Haven’t had one of those in a long while, Mr Johnny.”

“Huh, well that’s just peachy, darlin’.”

He walked from the table and closer to you, his hand stroking up and down your arm as he worked his way behind you, his warm body pressing up against yours as he leaned down to your ear, “how about a thank you for all my hard work, hm?”

His hand snaked its way around your waist and played with the button of your shorts, his lips grazing across the delicate skin of your neck, gently kisses to distract you from what his hands were doing. Truth be told you didn’t want him to stop, and he could tell. The way you let him unbutton your pants without a fight, his fingers working their way between your legs and tracing a line back and forth against your clothed cunt.

“Mr Johnny, I don’t think—”

“That’s alright, baby, you don’t gotta think,” his free hand wrapped around your throat, tilting your head to the side so he could more easily bite and suck at your skin, “just gotta do whatever I tell you to do.”

After all, Drayton said you couldn’t be slaughtered like he did the others, but he didn’t say anything about Johnny not being able to fuck you til’ you couldn’t walk no more.

#➳ : messages #lambofjudgement #your brain works in wonderous ways sjdbejdnef!!!#I couldn’t stop thinking abt this like??? it’s so hot omg #anything abt johnny got me going FERAL!!#johnny slaughter #johnny slaughter x reader #tcm x reader

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xxmaddyxx · 11 months

Text

Poking your stomach rolls mha edition!

haikyuu editions on my masterlist :) contents - literally just mha bbys poking your stomach bcs its adorable

baby boy bakugou first ofc

so you guys decided to have a movie night at his dorm bcs it had been a long week of school

you were in the kitchen making popcorn when you heard him come up behind you

he wrapped his arms around our waist and grumbled "how much longer"

"about 2 minutes"

he grumbled again and buried his face in the crook of your neck

"impatient much?" you smiled

"just leave it i wanna go watch the movie"

you softly scratched his head which was still on your shoulder

"babes im sure you can last 2 more minutes"

"i wanna cuddle though..." he whispers

"why are we whispering?" you looked at him

"i don't want them to hear" as your friends were in the common room

"ohh mkay then"

his hands found their way under your sweatshirt and he softly squished your plushiness

"whacha doin there"

"i really like this little squish, it's cute" he whispered again

"thanks :) oh the popcorn's done!"

"good" he then picked you up and wrapped your legs around his waist with the popcorn in your hand

and ofc mina saw you from the common room, took a picture of you guys and sent it to you later

alrighty bby sero's time to shine

he texted you asking you to come to his dorm

mind you it was like 2 am but whatever

but after some convincing you grabbed a pillow and made your way to his dorm

you opened the door and saw his figure on the bed, literally posing

"what could you possible need at 2 am babe" you rubbed your eyes and closed the door

he shot his tape at you and pulled you onto the bed causing you to yelp a lil bit

"what was that forrr" you whined

"you look so cute in your pj's i couldn't help myself" he wrapped his arms around you and squished your stomach

"will you stop it" you said, already half asleep

"what, your tummy's so cute" he pouted

"fine. just let me sleep please" you kissed his nose

he sighed dramatically, "i guessss, but i'm using your stomach as a pillow"

"mhm now shush"

oml i love him

last but defo not least, bby shoto

honestly your tummy is literally his favorite part about you

and your thighs ofc he just seems like a thigh guy ngl

ANYWAY

okok hear me out-

you guys went to the gym kinda early so there was literally no one there

you did not wanna get up but he promised you a breakfast date and ofc that worked

and you're doing like the tricep dip things and he's holding your waist like spotting you yk

and when your arms finally gave, he wrapped his entire arms around you and put you down

"see it wasn't that bad" he said as he pressed a kiss to your head

"i can't feel my arms" you let your arms go limb to show him

"baby, just think of the amazing food you'll get later" he said as he went to get more weights

you sat down on the bench and a lil roll was poppin yk

he turned around and looked lovingly at your figure

"babe i'm seeing a booty pump"

you looked at him like an idiot "we haven't done any butt exercises shoto"

"well it's lookin good then" he sat next to you and you rested your head on his shoulder

he wrapped his arm around your frame and grabbed your rolls like a stress ball

my heart

"can we gooo pleasseee"

"y/n we've been here for 10 minutes"

"and?"

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clean-bands-dirty-stories · 8 months

Text

Space ~ B.A.

A/n: LOVE touching on the way Iris and Barry create their relationship by high key sabotaging every other possibility bc they feel inevitable... great shit.

Request: “Barry x male reader, reader and Barry been having issues so reader goes to stay with Kara for awhile.” By anon

Word Count: 2,000+

MASTERLIST

"So... are we going to talk about that?"

Y/n's jaw worked as he mulled over Kara's question. He couldn't expect her not to ask questions after all of that. She was a good friend, she worried. And Y/n didn't want to spend this entire trip running from his feelings. It would only make things worse.

On the other hand he really didn't want to talk about it.

But that may have been him trying to run from his feelings. Like usual. How well did that ever go?

He looked at her, taking in her barely contained curiosity and anxiety. The last time she had run into Barry and his boyfriend the two were newly in love after ages of pining and beating around the bush. They were full of relief at being able to hold hands and use pet names, and got borderline ridiculous if they ever kissed. Kara had joked they were the goal; the base line. Someone would look at her that way someday.

Now the two men were cold and distant, and when they'd gotten Kara the help she needed and Barry went to go back to his own world Y/n had asked to stay? In an entirely different universe where Barry Allen didn't even know who Y/n L/n was. Had never even heard of him. They were complete strangers in this world.

Sighing, Y/n leaned against the desk behind him and Kara tried not to grin as she realized he was about to talk about his feelings. Y/n never did such things no matter how many times she prodded and begged - but this was not a situation that called for smiling or teasing. She listened instead as Y/n began, "Barry and I have been having problems."

Kara raised an eyebrow. She was hesitant to push such a delicate string of luck but it seemed Y/n was about to stop and he really hadn't said much yet. "Problems?"

Once he started he couldn't stop. "First it was the newspaper with Iris' byline. I mean, he's been in love with her for near his entire life and everything was screaming that she would choose him back eventually. Eddie died, Patty and Linda didn't work out for several reasons - mostly because he couldn't open up to them. But that's not-" He closed his eyes, realizing he was going off on a tangent. "The point is," he began again slowly. "Barry and Iris are like, soulmates? Or something? And it started with the newspaper but then there was Earth 2, and the fact that they always know each other everywhere we go - even if vaguely. Like they're drawn to each other. Inevitable. There are worlds where I don't know Barry Allen and he doesn't know me, but they always have each other."

Slowly, Kara asked, "You're jealous of Iris?"

Y/n scoffed. "I'm not just mindlessly jealous. It wouldn't bother me so much if the name on the by line of the newspaper had changed. If it said Iris West instead, or Iris soemthing-else. But it doesn't. It still Iris West-Allen. And I feel like... a filler." His shoulders sagged and his face twisted with agony. "It doesn't help that he started to drop our plans to hang out with her. And I realized that actually he always prioritizes her. Our plans never overlap, like he's desperate not to have to choose, and then they do and he chooses her. And it's fine, she's family, but I thought I was too. I thought we'd at least be equally as important. And then Savitar comes and he goes after Iris - still. Iris and Barry weren't together, but his life falls apart if she dies. Like-" He blinked tears out of his eyes. "Like she's his whole world. Cisco can't save him, or Caitlyn."

"Or you," Kara realized, her face crumbling as it fully settled in.

The man shrugged. "Or me. And I tried bringing it up to him but he refuses to acknowledge it and scrambles to avoid the topic and I feel like he knows he's in love with her but doesn't want to admit it. I feel like I really am filler and he knows it, that his very atoms are waiting for her and it's just this unspoken inevitability. I'm only here for now and that's it and I'm not supposed to address it, I'm not supposed to see it, but I do and that really sets him on edge. Or- something does at least. I don't know! He won't talk to me!"

Immediately Kara pulled Y/n into a hug. Y/n let her, curling into her comforting warmth and knowing he could fully collapse and she would be fine. "Would it help if I helped you work through what other options there are? Discussions are hard to have if you have one out come stuck in your head, and then often turn into arguments that accomplish nothing."

Chuckling, Y/n wiped his face. "You're so smart Kara." And he meant it so genuinely she couldn't even joke that he was full of it. He seemed relieved to be able to talk about it, talk through it. She believed that truly was the case. "Please," he sighed. "Please tell me there are other options than what I think there are."

Kara hummed, tightening the hug for a split second before leaning away so they could meet eye to eye as they spoke. This was a conversation where he needed to know she was being absolutely truthful and genuine. "Well, first of all he could have the exact same fears as you. He could truly and deeply be in love with you and be scared that it'll all be for nothing. Fate and knowing your future - it';s a terrifying thought. Especially when no matter what you do, it never changes."

Y/n nodded. That was a perfectly logical option. "Anything else?"

She was ready for the question. "His life has been really difficult. He's constantly losing people, and being a superhero is extremely hard on a person. It's demanding and draining and leaves no room for even a single mistake. You're gambling with the life of every single person. Their happiness and stability. It's not a reason to treat anyone badly but I could understand if his work life and super hero life being so complicated and dangerous doesn't leave a deep desire for a normal, more straight forward life. Maybe he got it in his head that things with you were supposed to be easy and now... they're not. And he's too burnt out or anxious to address it."

Oh. Very quickly Y/n was calming down. Hearing all the other alternatives were very grounding and loosened the pit of doom in his stomach. "Anything else?"

Nodding, Kara continued. "He may not be taking your emotions seriously and either isn't realizing how your emotions are affecting you, or thinks they're some kind of accusation. He may even not understand that when you bring this up its concerning how you feel about it and not necessarily about him or anything he's doing at all. It's a pile up of things that all point your brain in one direction, and the way that makes you feel may be irrational or very rational, but either way he isn't the person who chooses Iris. And he may be one day, or he may not, but if he thinks you're accusing him of some sort of cheating when he couldn't imagine ever doing something to you?" She shrugged. "Like getting mad at someone for doing something in a dream. And it still means something to you but he isn't clocking that - all he can see is you blaming him for something he didn't do."

Y/n actually had the audacity to smile. "We would argue over me feeling insecure and it making him feel like I hate him. Or doubt him." He rolled his eyes but there was a little fondness there and Kara felt hope surge through her. Not all was lost yet. "We would end up arguing like we are over both of us just being insecure and not communicating it int he way we need to." He sighed, long and laboriously.

Kara just decided to skip to another option. "Or he's being an asshole and he does know it upsets you but he just doesn't want to acknowledge it or take it seriously."

They looked at each other for a second before slipping into soft, breathy laughter. It was weak and quiet but Kara wrote it down as a win. The idea that Barry would be so harsh and cruel truly was laughable. Maybe another Barry, another universe, but not this one.

After a second Y/n deflated again. Not as broken down but definitely exhausted. "What do I do if he won't talk to me? I can't just not know."

"Tell him that." When Y/n seemed doubtful, kara shook her head. "I'm serious. Say it even before you start the conversation. No warning, no chance to shoot you down or change the subject. Lay down the law. If you need this, you need this. It doesn't matter what he's feeling about the situation - you need to talk about this. This is a need for you; a deal breaker. If you break up you break up. He doesn't deserve you if he can't get over himself for an hour to talk to you and give you something you actively need."

Y/n melted in relief, eyes wet. "You're an amazing friend Kara."

The compliment, bursting with appreciation that could not be put into words, made Kara grin. "You deserve a good friend. Come on - we can take a few days before you have to go back."

So they did. A little less a month passed before Y/n went back. neither of them had meant for it to go on quite so long but Y/n's powers that were so often utilized by Barry were perfect for the threat Kara was facing and beating the bad guy was the last step. They had to go through so much before they could do that. It kept them.

When he did go home, there was something different about him. He got to see more and experience more. He realized how much pressure he was putting on Barry and codependent he'd become. he seemed finally completely at peace with whatever happened - whether or not they broke up, he knew he'd make it through - but was also ready and willing to fight for it.

If only Barry would fight too.

In the end Kara had been right. Her very first guess had hit the nail on the head, and it had all come undone the second Y/n set a hard boundary. He needed this and Barry delivered. Their relationship was important enough to the speedster to put aside fear or pride and face it. They had a long talk about the whole situation and how out of control they both felt. How that scared Barry even more because he didn't want such a future. Because he wasn't allowed to be out of control like he was now or people died. Y/n clarified his feelings not being a reflection on Barry as a person and the kind of person or partner he was, and that seemed to help too. They decided at the end of it all that no matter what happened they loved each other and nothing could get in the way of that. That even if Iris and Barry did end up together, it wouldn't be the Barry that was now.

That Barry was Y/n's.

For the first time neither of them felt the need to check to see if Iris' surname had changed on the byline. It was Cisco instead who came crashing into the room, eyes wide with worry. He pulled up the article and pointed out the byline.

Iris West.

No Allen attached.

The article was the same, with a missing Barry, but the byline was different.

Barry and Y/n looked at each other, eyes opened for the first time. It was almost a slap in the face to realize that Iris and Barry ended up together in this world only if they thought they did. That the anxiety of the felt inevitable could destroy all of their relationships, and that the second they decided it didn't - it didn't.It was beautiful in a way. And suddenly they both felt that they could do so much more...

And they did. Together.

Male Readers: @ravenpuff-oli @sortzz @fadedver

#male reader #Barry Allen #The cw flash #the flash #grant gustin #barry allen x male reader #barry allen x reader #barry allen imagine #the flash x reader #the flash x male reader #the flash imagine #grant gustin x male reader #grant gustin imagine #grant gustin x reader

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aanoia · 1 year

Note

Hi, how’s your day going? Could you do a Mattheo riddle and Draco Malfoy fix where they accidentally stop paying attention to the reader and she thinks it’s something she did when I’m reality they are having a hard time processing their feelings for the reader. I hope that makes sense. It’s completely up to you if you want to do this!

Yes of course! Sorry it took forever to respond, I've been super busy moving and doing finishing touches on renovating my new house! I should be getting a lot of requests out soon, hopefully at least.

Also, my day was alright. How was yours?

Can't Help But Love You

Draco Malfoy x reader, Matteo Riddle x reader

Words; abt 700 each

Warnings; none

Yall I had to do research on how Matteo was bc ik nothing abt him, idek if what I wrote for him is anything like him so lemme know

Draco Malfoy

“So yeah, that’s why I absolutely hate her. Do you get it now?” Y/n asked Draco as she sat across him from the table, explaining why she hated Hermione Granger so much. He continued looking at his plate, not looking up. Y/n waved her hand in front of his face, “Hello?” He blinked and looked up.

“What?” He asked, his voice hoarse. He cleared his throat, “What?” he asked again, clearer this time.

“Were you paying any attention to what I just said?” Y/n questioned.

“Uh, what were we talking about?”

Y/n scoffed and shook her head, pushing her plate forward and standing up. She grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder.

“Wait, Y/n.” Draco said but she shook my head again.

“No, you keep ignoring me and I’m tired of it. I’m gonna go study. Bye, Draco.” Y/n walked off, leaving an exasperated Draco behind. Draco groaned and buried his head in his hands.

A few stray tears left Y/n’s eyes as she walked out of the Great Hall quickly. Draco hadn’t been paying much attention to her for weeks now and she couldn’t help but think it was something she did. She constantly replayed the last few months she had with him but couldn’t find anything she did, which only made it worse. She loved Draco. She was in love with him. He was her best friend. The boy she’s been secretly pining over since first year. It hurts that he’s just ignoring her now.

Y/n quietly sat in the Slytherin common room, seeking warmth from the fire. She flipped the page of her book as someone sat down in the large chair next to hers. She spared a quick glance up and immediately looked back down and continued reading.

“I’m sorry.” Draco whispered, just loud enough for Y/n to pick up on. She continued looking at her book, however her eyes no longer flit along the words. “I-uh, I don’t mean to ignore you. I’ve just been doing a lot of, uh, thinking. There’s something I need to tell you, and I need you to look at me when I do.”

Y/n sighed and put her now closed book on her lap. She turned her body and looked at Draco who had a serious, yet slightly nervous expression on his face.

“Go ahead.” She said and meant it to come out harsh, but her words were soft and comforting.

“So, um…” He rubbed his neck. “Merlin, this is hard. So I’ve been thinking-”

“Yeah, you said that.”

“No, you don’t talk until I say you can. I need to get this out, no interruptions.”

Y/n smiled slightly and pretended to zip her lips, lock them and throw the key. Draco’s posture softened.

“Okay. I feel something that I’m not so sure I’ve ever really felt. And it’s been really confusing and I don’t know what to do about it. I talked to Blaise and Matteo about it and they said- well they said-” He hesitated and Y/n urged him on with my hand. “They said I’m probably in love with you.” Her eyes widened slightly. “And I’ve been thinking about it a lot, that’s why I haven’t been paying much attention to you. But I’ve come to a conclusion. Y/n, there’s no probably. I am in love with you, and it scares me and I am so so sorry I’ve been ignoring you.”

Y.n stayed silent with a smile.

“Are you going to say anything?” Draco asked and she brought her hand to the invisible zipper and tried to unzip it but couldn’t due to the lock. Draco shook his head with a laugh and pulled something invisible out of his pocket. He pointed the invisible thing to her mouth. “Alohomora.”

Y/n smiled and unzipped her lips. Instead of talking though, she grabbed Draco by the face and pulled him to her, their lips meeting in a soft kiss. She pulled away after a few moments with a smile.

“I love you too, Draco.”

Matteo Riddle

Y/n sat at the Three Broomsticks, laughing with her girl friends. Her laughter halted as her eyes landed on Matteo Riddle who had just walked in. Her friends noticed and their laughter subsided as well.

Hermione grabbed Y/n’s hand from over the table, “Y/n, are you alright?”

“Matteo wasn’t as busy as he said.” She said, motioning in his direction with her head. Hermione and Pansy (who was sitting right next to her), turned their heads, whereas b/f/n just looked over, as she was already facing him.

“Ugh, that dick.” Pansy scoffed as she turned back around. “He’s such an ass.”

“While I do not appreciate the language, I agree with Pansy.” Hermione agreed.

“I can’t believe he said he was too busy to hang out then he comes here with his dimwitted friends.” B/f/n said while shaking her head. “It’s so messed up.”

Y/n shrugged, pushing down the hurt and mustering up the best smile she could. “It’s alright. Shall we go?” She asked and her friends nodded, placing some coins on the table for the butterbeer. Y/n grabbed her jacket and threw it on quickly before wrapping her Slytherin scarf around her neck.

B/f/n grabbed Y/n’s hand as they began making it to the door. Y/n spared one look up and met the eyes of Matteo, who looked at her in guilt. The cold air nipped at the girl's nose as she exited the warm pub, snowflakes immediately littering her hair and shoulders.

The group made it a few feet before the door burst open from behind them. The girls turned their heads to see a disheveled Matteo without a coat on. Y/n’s hurt quickly turned into anger as she scoffed and turned around, her friends following after her.

“No, Y/n wait!” Matteo called after them, grabbing onto her free hand. His hand was cold -colder than usual due to the freezing weather- but soft.

“No, Matteo. I’m busy.” Y/n said spitefully.

“Please.” He begged, moving in front of the girl. She hesitated, looking into his eyes before sighing. She motioned her friends to continue without her, but they stayed put.

“Guys it’s okay, I’ll meet you back at Hogwarts.” Y/n assured them and they hesitated before walking off.

Matteo grabbed onto Y/n’s other hand and walked her to the sidewalk so they weren’t standing in the middle of the road. She shook off Matteo's hands and crossed her arms.

“What do you want, Matteo?” She spat angrily and Matteo took a deep breath, trying not to freak out at her anger, which proved to be very difficult considering how he had grown up.

“Well, you don’t need to be all snappy.” Matteo mentally slapped himself, there he goes again.

“Oh, really? You’re the one who’s been blowing me off all week!” Y/n said loudly.

“Well, it doesn’t give you the right to be such an ass!” Matteo said, raising his voice slightly.

Y/n laughed exasperatedly, “Me? I’m the ass now?” She yelled. “You’re the ass here! You’ve been ignoring me and lying to me! I don’t get it, Matteo. What did I do to you!?”

“I love you, okay? I fucking- I fucking love you, and I hate that I love you.” He said, his voice getting quieter as the sentence went on. “Because you’re my best friend, and you don’t love me back. And I am so fucking sorry for making you feel like shit and lying to you, I just didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry, Y/n, I’m so sor-”

Y/n cut him off with a kiss as she threaded her fingers through his hair. After a moment Matteo kissed back, his left hand falling into the dip of her waist. She closed the distance between their bodies, pushing herself against him until she no longer could. He pulled away slightly, resting his forehead against hers. His eyes opened and he smiled at her. Little snowflakes littered her eyelashes and her eyes remained close, savoring the moment.

Matteo gently rubbed Y/n’s cheek and her eyes fluttered open.

“I’m cold.” He whispered and Y/n laughed gently.

“Because you didn’t put your jacket on, idiot.” She whispered back.

“Y’know what will make me warm?”

“Your jacket?”

“Another kiss.”

She closed her eyes again and brushed her lips over his, “Your wish is my command.”

#draco malfoy #draco #draco malfoy x reader #matteo riddle x reader #matteo riddle #harry potter #romance #aanoia

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detachedminxsfics · 1 year

Text

Improv

Characters: Jeffrey Dean Morgan x Actress F!Reader

Summary: You just wrapped for the day on the set of The Walking Dead, and you can't stop thinking about your impending first scene with Negan, more importantly, playing Negan's lover.

Word count: 2.6K+

Warnings: NSFW - Vaginal sex, slight rough fuck, creampie, fucking JDM in his Negan fit bc its hot

A/N: Tried something a little different to celebrate 100 followers! I'm so thankful, and eternally grateful for all the continued love on my Negan stuff. Tysm! <3

You idly tapped your feet against the floor as you held the script in your clammy hands, the spot you'd sunk into on the sofa warm with how long you'd been sitting. You'd gone over it a thousand times, and yet still feared that you wouldn't be able to act it as well as you would like. Jeffrey was most likely still out filming one of his many scenes in the Sanctuary, but you were wrapped for the day. Your characters hadn't gotten the opportunity to interact with one another on-screen yet, but tomorrow that was all going to change. The dynamic between you and Negan was intended to leave one hell of a lasting first impression on the fans, and you needed to maintain the hot-blooded chemistry you were so thrilled to portray. You skimmed over your first scene with Jeffrey for the thousandth time when the door to his trailer swung open, and a weathered black cowboy boot stepped in. He was still wearing his Negan outfit, minus the leather gloves and usual wielding of the infamous Lucille. He looked good, and tired, judging by the huff he entered with as he closed the door behind him.

"Hey." Your small mutter to make your presence known faintly startled him, and he spun to face you with a hand hovering over his racing heart.

"Shit darling, you scared me. Everything alright?"

Your lips formed a small smile, and you waved the script around in your hands to accentuate your point.

"Just going over our scene, y'know since we gotta shoot it tomorrow? And I think, I'm just not sure about it."

You and Jeff didn't know each other awfully well, but you'd spoken in passing between takes on the Sanctuary set, and under general introductory circumstances.

"Oh yeah? Talk to me." He set down the script he had been holding before making his way over to you and lowering himself down onto the space beside you, your fingertips still fiddling with the edges of the pages as you gathered the courage to confess your doubts.

"It's just, who Negan loves is so important to his character. And Lucille is so important to him in the comics, and such an iconic centerpiece to his storyline, and I'm just worried I won't be able to portray the love between our characters authentically enough. Like I can't measure up to that."

He listened to every single one of your words attentively, even nodding in places as you spoke. It was reassuring.

"Look, I've seen you act, and I've seen how much of a badass you are. You're gonna be great, I've got no doubt about that. But if you'd like I got a short break between takes, and we could run our lines together. Just to get a feel for the scene."

Your eyes widened slightly, and you glanced down at the script page in your hand. Your character's first scene with Negan is intended to set the tone for their not-so-public and flawed bond, and what the two of them mean to one another behind closed doors, essentially, in a clothes scattered on the bedroom floor kind of way. Nevertheless running through this scene with none other than the man himself would surely calm some of your nerves, and the offer was just too good to resist.

"Sure. Do you wanna stop just after my last line?" The reason you asked was that the moments that followed after your last line of dialogue was a rather steamy sequence of kissing and shoving, the scene set to cut just as you and Jeff hit the mattress, partially nude.

Jeffrey stood to his feet and made his way over to where he'd left his script, making brief eye contact with you as he flipped to the relevant pages.

"I say see what happens, and we'll do whatever feels natural. Sound good?"

"All good to me."

His eyes lowered back to skim the page, and you stood to your feet too, setting your script down on the coffee table considering you already knew your lines off by heart, thanks to your paranoia. After spending a few moments with the script Jeffrey set it down and glanced over at you, an obscure smile on his face.

"I'll walk up, and you just pretend I'm coming in. You ready?"

"Ready."

Your nerves begged to differ as to your level of supposed readiness, but you averted your focus on executing this scene. Jeffrey took a few steps back until he was on the other side of the trailer, and the elaborate shift as he immersed himself into the character was incredible. His jaw was slightly clenched with a signature scowl to match, and the way he sauntered with that leather jacket just demanded attention, it certainly captivated yours. You were sure you had gotten into character now too, feeling as you shifted the weight from one leg to the other, flexing your hip as you stood. She was bold with a firecracker attitude to match, so it was no surprise Negan was drawn to her.

"Honey, I'm home." Jeff bellowed with that noticeable drawl to his voice, and a wide unnerving smile to match.

"What do you want, Negan? You've had me standing in here longer than I ought to be, like one of your damn wives."

He feigned offense from your displeased tone, every step bringing him closer and closer.

"Well hell, aren't you just happy to see little ol' me? You're a busy woman these days."

You rolled your eyes a little at Negan's blatant self-flattery.

"I'm busy because I've got a duty to do, a job you tasked me with. If you don't like not seeing me that much, get somebody else to run my damn post." You narrowed your eyes to pair with the slight venom laced in your tone, and he closed most of the distance that was left between you.

He was invading what was left of your space now, his smile still lingering on his lips as he exhaled a mock, surprised breath at your rather brash words.

"Oh, what a big mouth on you sweetheart. If you keep forgetting exactly where you stand I might just take your suggestion on board, it would seem you've forgotten your manners."

Jeff swept a stray strand of hair behind your ear as he chastised you for your curt attitude, and you had to redirect your focus back to continue with the scene. That wasn't scripted, and you felt as though it was just a taste of the kind of improv an actor as experienced as Jeffrey would be accustomed to, and it exhilarated you.

"Not forgotten, I'm just sparing with them. Besides, we both know that if you're gonna take shit from anybody, it's me."

The slight clenching of his jaw showed that you were pushing him, urging him into toeing the line of his limits with you. He softly cups the line of your jaw, his thumb resting against your chin. Another non-scripted gesture that made the attraction between the two that much more believable.

"Alright, let's cut the bullshit, shall we? Rick the prick and his band of dickless assholes are proving to be more of a handful than we thought. I've mellowed him out a little, but I need someone I can trust back here, someone to hold the line while I deal with it. And as much as I love Simon, well, he's just not the man for this kinda gig. This is a job for my girl."

You subtly softened your stare, leaning into his touch. Though she could be a hardened, callous woman, she had a soft spot for him. It was important that the viewers could see that, could see that she had weak spots. More importantly, just to see them be vulnerable with one another.

"Your girl, hm? There's a room down the hall with six other girls that are yours too, what's supposed to make me believe I'm so different?" She was teasing him, testing the waters and gauging the level of his commitment to their secret love affair.

You kept your panic internal when you realised you uttered your last words, your features still as relaxed as they had been throughout. Jeff was thoughtful too, the whirl of thought taking place in his eyes. And though you barely knew each other enough for this kind of level of expression fuelled telepathy, you read him anyway. His eyes were wondering whether you were comfortable going ahead, and your slow lean toward his face was your answer. He responded rather fluently, crashing his lips against yours. The kiss was meant to be tame and yet hungry, starved, and full. Your eyes fluttered closed, and the feeling of a hand gripping your hip to further pull you in made you all the more eager. Jeff was a good kisser, a real slow and rhythmic kind of guy. Your arms wrapped around his neck just as the script had prompted, and the movements of your mouths lasted a lot longer than you ought to. He placed his other hand on your hip to draw you towards the wall of the trailer and slam you back against it, pressing his chest against yours, positively trapping you. It was when his fingers played with the hem of your lace trim tank top that you realised you weren't acting anymore, and truthfully, you weren't sure you minded. His mouth was on your neck, his teeth making diligent heated nips at your skin, mindful of the fact that you couldn't have any marks showing for the filming of the show. You breathed a shaky, hesitant moan, and Jeff pulled back to yank your top over your head. When he leaned back in to press his lips against yours you gently placed a hand on his shoulder to halt him, and he glanced at you with a mixture of confusion and longing.

"You forgot your line." You hummed teasingly, tilting your head as you playfully chastised him for his mistake.

Jeffrey grinned at you, the lust having corrupted his gaze conveying his true lack of care for continuing with the scene, and that he surely was no longer pretending.

"Whoops, fuck it." He muttered with a sense of impulsivity, and the next thing you knew, your feet were no longer touching the ground.

He lifted you, and your legs instinctively wrapped around his waist whilst the grip on the underside of your thighs supported your body. The trip to the sofa was brief and rushed, and you fell into the inviting cushions a lot sooner than you thought. Jeffrey was on you in seconds, so fast that you feared you'd forget to breathe. His fingers clambered for the zipper of his black leather jacket, but your words interrupted him.

"Wait. Keep it on, I like it."

Your confession had him raising his brows, a staggered look in his eye as he fiddled with his belt.

"Sure can do, we just can't make a mess of it." He said matter of factly, pulling his now undid belt through the belt loops, and slinging it onto the ground.

You too undid your pants, pulling and shimmying your jeans off until they'd gathered at your calves. You kicked them off, and your panties were discarded shortly thereafter. You were bare besides your bra, totally exposed. When you glanced up at Jeff he'd pulled his boxers down just enough to free himself, his pants still on just in case he was suddenly called to set. You spread your legs to make adequate space for him, and he was more than happy to oblige. He settled into the space you made, placing a hand on your waist as he leaned down to hover over you, the smell of leather and expensive cologne wafting past your nose. Then you felt him, easing in at first, pacing you. Your mouth fell open as your breath hitched, and an embarrassingly breathy moan followed suit. The hand on your hip slightly clenched, gripping you, whilst the other got lost in your hair, sifting through the strands as he eased you through the onslaught of pleasure.

"God, you're so good."

His praise only made you that much more wanton, and his low groans filled your ears afterward. You were in heaven. He was the perfect scene partner, your undeniable chemistry was off the charts, and he was insanely skilled with your body too, something to which you were currently discovering. Jeffrey's thrusts grew harder, faster, a more brutally unforgiving pace as he bottomed you out entirely. His touch was merciless, and your wild and primitive whimpers were positively matched with the way his hips hungrily connected with yours. Your lips smashed together, thankfully muffling some of your noisy and earnest moans. Everything was just bliss. He tasted so good, and he felt incredible. It was as though he knew every inch of your body, and treated it as such. You were intoxicated with him, and the heat pooling in your abdomen only intensified with every thrust. When you could no longer restrain yourself you let go, his lips parting from yours enough to break the kiss but remain brushing, eyes wholeheartedly focused on you as you quivered beneath him. Your rather vocal and intense release was enough to tip him over the edge himself, and he filled you. His throaty groans filled the trailer again, filthy sounds that he hardly made any effort to stifle. You were utterly dazed, still coming down from your high when he lifted you from your place on the sofa in order to turn you towards him, and to lay the back of your head down across his lap. He'd adjusted his pants back to their presentable state, leaving you still nude, panting and splayed across him, but you didn't mind. One hand still stroked through your strands, the other idly planted just below your chest.

"Well, it would seem you've got nothing to worry about when it comes to authenticity. You are beautiful."

Your eyes lit up, and a small smile played on your lips. You parted your lips to respond when a knock on the door of the trailer startled you both, and the sudden sound of a voice from the other side of it.

"Jeffrey, you're needed on set."

A woman politely informed, and he attempted to suppress the disappointment threatening to trace his response.

"Got it, just give me a minute." He called back, a short silence ensuing as the sound of progressively distant footsteps eventually resumed your privacy.

He glanced down at you with a hint of irritation, not at you, but at the situation. He wanted to stay here with you a little longer, at least long enough to make sure you were okay, and to not make it seem so sleazy. But he couldn't. Feeling that he was about to stand up you leaned up, straightening your back as you sat up, and gave him the space necessary to stand. He stood to his feet and smoothed a hand over his somewhat messy hair, the slick that he'd been styled in having gotten ruffled during your spontaneous improv.

"Listen, I'm gonna be shooting through the night, but I've got a room at a hotel not too far from here, same hotel all the others are staying at. It's room 100. Let yourself in, get comfortable, and I'll see you there."

He finished his more demand than a request by rummaging through his pocket until eventually retrieving a set of keys, and he tossed them at you. You caught it with a smile, and you gazed back at him, top teeth dragging flirtatiously against your bottom lip.

"I'll be there." You responded with the hope that you didn't sound too desperate in your enthusiasm, and he took off.

Running your lines with him wasn't such a bad idea after all.

#the walking dead negan #jeffrey dean morgan #jeffrey dean morgan smut #negan smith #negan twd #negan the walking dead #the walking dead #the walking dead fanfiction #twd fanfiction #twd fic #twd #twd negan #negan smut #negan

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themoonitselff · 10 months

Note

miguel o'hara x latino male reader where miguel teaches him Spanish and sort of degrades him a little because he's not fluent >:3

por fin, he encontrado a otro latino que puede escribir esto por mí 😭 estoy de EEUU y me encantan este chichón. te agradezco mucho si lo haces!! <3

OKOKOK THIS IS SO CUTE, I'LL DO MY BEST YKYKYK I MADE BOTH HCS AND FANFICS BC I WASN'T SURE IF YOU WANTED ONE OF THOSE OR BOTH ENJOY IT. Estoy agradecido de que hayas encontrado esta página, muchas gracias. 👹

Miguel O'hara × Latino Male! Reader

Warnings: suggestive things at the end. Just platonic relationship between miguel and reader. Miguel is a hothead. SHITTY ENGLISH PLEASE DON'T HATE ME

He would be surprised because not everyday you found someone who's interested in learning his native language.

However, he would teach you the basics like “Hola! ¿Cómo estás?” and other sentences, and he would laugh at you because you can't say it without his english accent.

Miguel is very strict so with the pass of time he would get mad or angry if reader don't learn quick.

He's the type that teases reader with the Ñ and everytime they start arguing he remember you're learning spanish and says something like “Now say Ñandú.. What's the matter? Can't you say Ñ? Of course you can't.” He would degrade him.

Miguel is not always a grumpy old man so when he's not in the Spider Society or working, he would be soo gentle. Teaching you without a killer face, his big hands pointing at the words in the big orange hologram, caressing your hair and making it a mess when you're doing great, he's a busy man, but he was also a dad.

Plus, he doesn't have too much patience. Don't idealize him.

You were walking into Miguel's Office, you were trying to read a book in Spanish but it was so difficult to you, of course you had to search help, and who could teach you better than him? Your nerves send shivers down your spine as you walk in and you find him busy in his desk with some orange pannels in front of him, then, he notices you, and side-eyes you like you were dressing like a clown.

“What do you want?” He says and he keeps doing his job.

“Hi! I know you're working but I need help with... Spanish.”

You swallow as he stops for a second, your heart skips a beat as his eyes widen, he turns at you and you stay on your Space, like a rock, scared of what he could say.

“So, you came here because...?”

“Jessica told me you're mexican.”

He rolled his eyes and walks towards you, you stay freezed, now he's in front of you, looking down at your face, his muscles flexing with every move, his prominent body towards you, his predator eyes, he was smashable.

“I thought you were latino.. If I was your dad, I would be embarrased of yo.” You said nothing, but did a poker face in response, it was just.. Unnecesary, why would he say that? “And what's exactly what you want to learn..?”

“Everything I can.”

He looks at you, then at his workplace, then looks at you again, and sighs. “Let's see what we can do.”

...

“So, how do you say Hi to people?”

“Huola.” You say, proud of your knowledge, it would be perfect if you didn't have an accent.

He raised his hand to his forehead, trying not to cringe about it, “Ay, señor... It's Hola. But you're progressing.” His words were sharp and cold lice an ice knife, but you were still proud of what you habe learned with him, it took him a good while to get you in the line but at least you can understand what he says.

“That's something.” You smile.

Miguel looks at the hour and gasps, remembering he had a meeting 5 minutes ago and he was late, then, he looks at you and talks nervously “I have to go back to work, I'll be tomorrow soon at 08:00 AM if you need something else. Is that okay?”

“Yeah sure, Adiós Miggy!” You went out of the door as he still looks at you, surprised of your last words in spanish that sounded really good, drifting away from the office..

“Adiós, niño.”

He sits in his chair and giggles a bit, remembering how you said ‘Me han follado tantas veces' instead of ‘Me han fallado tantas veces'.. And he mutters to himself, his gutural voice sounding like a vibration “That's my boy.”

.................

Ay señor — Oh god..

Hola — Hello.

Adiós, Miggy! — Bye, Miggy!

Adiós, niño. — Goodbye, kid.

Me han follado tantas veces — I've been fucked so many times.. (the seggsy way)

Me han fallado tantas veces— I've been betrayed so many times..

#miguel spiderverse #atsv miguel #miguel o'hara #miguel o’hara x reader #miguel x reader #miguel spiderman #miguel ohara #miguel o'hara x male reader #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x you #miguel o'hara x y/n #atsv #atsv spiderman #miguel atsv #o'hara #miguel o'hara headcanons #miguel o'hara fanfiction

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c4erul3um · 1 year

Text

Miguel O'Hara x spider-woman!reader

Part two

part one, part two, ...

Summary: After fight with anomaly, you're left wounded, remembering past.

Word count: 1,8k

A/N: Omg guys, thank you so much for the support on the first part, I didn't know it would blow up so much, so here is second part. Also, if you want the Spot x reader too or any of the spiderverse characters, I will be for your service. If you have any ideas or anything, ask me on my profile. I will write anything bcs I'm bored and don't have anything to do ^^ enjoy part two.

“What is it this time?”

I asked Jess as I exited the portal, walking into chaos. “You know, normal monday, some anomaly is on rampage and they cant get it to stop.” “Who is the anomaly?”

I said stretching my arms, I just got out of bed, don't judge me, when I can, I will sleep. “I think it's some kind of symbiote? Host's name is Cletus Kasady.” “Okay, then what's taking them all so long?” “Go ask them yourself.” She waved her hands around to emphasize her statement. “Okay.”

I shot my red webs on building above them and swung in the direction of the anomaly. When I was above them I saw it was really Carnage, but this one looked different, he had some kind of swirl tattoo on his forehead and was a lot bigger. “Okay, this one shouldn't be different than the other ones.” I said as I leapt off the wall I was crawling on. Gliding towards my target, it was night so I was in advantage because of my suit colors. When I was right above I shot my web right in front of the symbiote. This Carnage´s head shot up and it screeched at me.

“Can you be a little louder?” I yelled at it as it started to rampage on the buildings around it, I have to stop him before he does something bad. While it was destroying the buildings, I started to make cage-like thing around it with my webs, successfully trapping it inside. When it realized what I did he screeched again, my ears were most likely bleeding at this point. Just as I landed on the ground inside the cage thing it attacked me, creating tentacles with its slimy goo muscles it was made from.

“Hey, you're carnage, right?” I yelled at the beast, its smile got even wider, it was uncomfortable to watch. “Yeaah, and who you might be?” It asked in its deep voice. “Well, I'm spider-woman, but if you would like to know, my name is (Y/N). I'm here to stop you, you're from a different reality and I'm here to get you back. Do you want to go willingly or should I use violence?” It looked like it was actually considering what I said. “Can't miss opportunity, princess.” It chuckled darkly. I just stared at it blankly and shot my web at him, successfully hitting it, then with great speed I started to stick the symbiote with my webs to buildings around us, he was unlike all other symbiotes, he had solid shape, not being just slime. When it realized what I was trying to do, he spun around in his restraints and before I could do something more.

I felt pain in my abdomen, looking down I saw a tentacle made from his goo. "Ah, fuck…" The tentacle leaving my abdomen and retracting back inside him, leaving behind a nasty hole inside me. My suit automatically goes above the wound, making it seem like nothing happened on the outside. I cought up some blood from my mouth, my hand going over my masked mouth. I crouched down on the pavement, hunching over. "ha ha ha…Not so brave spiderman?!"

"spider-woman." I muttered as I started to stand up, ignoring my injury I threw myself off the ground with help of my webs. Striking the last web on this monster, it was trapped and couldn't move. Suddenly an orange shield trapped it for the final time. "Took you long enough." "Well you looked like you had fun." Jess said. I tapped something on my watch and the portal opened before me. "Take care of this thing." "Will do." Was the last thing I heard before stepping into the portal, being sucked in a tube like force field around me, flying towards I stopped and walked out of the portal.

The HQ was lively as always, different spider people from different universes going about their day. When I stepped on the ground and out of the portal, I remembered my injury, falling on the ground with hiss. Some of the spider people noticed my fall and went to help me, helping me stand up. "Hey you okay?" "Do you want to go to infirmary?" Too much noise. "Hey! All of you move!" I heard a familiar voice. Miguel. "(Y/N)! ¿qué pasó?" "I need to go to infim…" Darkness.

"What's wrong with her?" Miguel asked the doctor spiderman. "She has a really deep wound on her abdomen, if she came in later she would most likely bleed out." I just looked at her limp body laying on the hospital table. Machine operating her abdomen, she had a breathing mask on her face. Fuck, Muñeco, you better don't die on me.

What…what's happening…When I opened my eyes I saw some kind of robotic arms inside my abdomen. My eyes widened as I remembered my past.

Younger (Y/N) was sitting in her cell, staring blankly at the wall in front of me. The doors to my cell opened, bringing some light into the dark room. "Hello experiment - 5076, how are you feeling today?" Asked the sickening voice of one of the doctors. I just continued to stare at the wall. "Not talking today, I see." He said to himself.

"Follow me, 5076." I stood up and followed the doctor outside, walking through white walls, everything looked the same. "Sit down." He ordered. I just sat and stared. "Okay, today we are going to try something new." That's not good. I looked at the object he was holding, it looked like a syringe with some glowing red liquid. I flinched when restrains suddenly clicked over my hands and legs, keeping me in place. He rolled my sleeve and injected the red liquid into my vein. My eyes widened and I screamed because of the intense pain it left after injecting. The doctor left the room.

Miguel watched from behind the mirror Glass, horrified, he didn't know they were testing their experiments on humans. Porque no me di cuenta antes. He pushed his glasses from sliding off his nose. I need to help her escape tonight. The young doctor thought to himself.

The girl's body started thrashing, visibly in pain, all the other doctors were just looking, scribbling down onto their papers. After a few minutes some robotic arms came up from the ceiling and started to grab onto her, grounding her in place, after some more fight, the girl relaxed. Is she dead? Her head shot up and looked right into the mirrored glass and into Miguel's eyes. Can she see me? Her eyes were bright scarlet, she had fangs and was breathing heavily, her eyes were teary.

Miguel's wide eyes stared right back at her, her head co cocked to the side little. It was like unspoken conversation was being said between the two people.

"I think the DNA change worked, my fellow coworkers, we made a new Spiderman." Said the head doctor of the department. I didn't say anything and just left the room.

It was late at night, all of my coworkers had gone home already, I was the only one here. I stood up from my chair and started to walk towards the experiment's cells, looking around to see if there isn't anyone there. When I stood in front of 5076 cell I took out my card and swiped it on the tablet by the doors. The doors opened, I walked in, looking around.

"Hey, girl, are you here..?" "what do you want?" Quiet voice said, I saw her sitting silhouette on the ground, motionless. "I came here to rescue you." Her head whipped to my face, her red eyes glowing in the dark. "Why would you do that." "I didn't know they experimented on humans, it's just so inhumane, I don't want you to suffer." I said to her. She slowly stood up from her sitting position, coming up to me. She looked up to my face and tilted her head. "Come on, follow me." I said and walked out of her cell. "You can escape this way." I pointed down the white hallway, her head came from the darkness of her cell and looked the way I was pointing. She looked at me, her eyes having excitement inside them, her face holding hope. "thank you." As she walked out fully, I saw she had talons on her hands, she started to walk when alarms started to ring around us, the white hallway enveloped in red from the warning lights. She flinched and started to run, me doing the same, running off the other way.

I was running down the hallway when I heard loud steps, a lot of them. I ran into some kind of lab, there were containers with some slime everywhere, different colors and sizes, I saw people in black uniforms, helmets, shields and weapons. "Experiment 5076, get back into your cell and we won't hurt you." My instincts were ablaze, I was bloodthirst. Without a word I launched myself on them and started swinging my talons at them, successfully hitting some of them, killing them. One was trying to run, when I swung my hand at him I hit some kind of container.

Black goo crawled upon my hand and disappeared into me. What. I tried to ignored it and killed the last guy, blood, blood was everywhere. I went ahead into some doors, staircase. I ran down maybe, like, 20 floors, panting. I exited through doors and found myself at the side of the building, in some kind of alleyway. "fuck…my side." My side burned, one bullet hit me right into my side. I sank down the wall, holding my side when I heard footsteps. "I knew you would do it." The guy who helped me escape ran up to me, smiling. "Will you go with me? I will heal you and take care of you." "Well it's not like I have anywhere to go, right." He chuckled at my sarcasm.

The vision started to fade as I regained my consciousness. Blood, a lot of blood. I was clawing at my body, trying the machine to get off me. "Hey! (Y/N)! Stop it, you're gonna hurt yourself-!" Miguel. I looked up to his face, tears streaming down my face. "Im sorry…" was the last thing I heard before feeling a pinch in my arm and being surrounded by darkness.

A/N: this idea fot the plot came up to me last night, I had to write it down. Hope you liked it :>

Taglist: (If you want to be added tell me, or write me on my ask me!)

@deputy-videogamer @callsign-blue @d1lf-loverrr @freckledmuffin @hibeejibees

(Tried to tag everyone I could)

#miguel o'hara x reader #spiderman 2099 #spiderman across the spiderverse #across the spiderverse #spiderman 2099 x reader #miguel o'hara #jessica drew #carnage #sony interactive entertainment

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gars-jasons-gf · 1 year

Text

Gar Logan Headcannons in a Relationship with reader

titans!gar logan bc he's my comfort character and i love him

(also im in love with this gif rn so yeah)(also, again this is my first post so plsssss like support and stuff)(also, again, for the last time gif isn't mine)

Alright, before i even start let me just say that dating gar is like having a best friend. That is bc he is your best friend. Before you two even started dating he made sure to be your best friend so he could know everything about you. Your birthday, favorite food, favorite color, your background, he'll learn everything about you.

He is like the biggest softie ever. Like for a boy who can turn into a killing, murdering, scary ass tiger(even tho he avoids killing and that stuff) he is the softest and most caring and thoughtful out of everyone. Like we all know this. But he is has a massive soft spot for you like he is nice and stuff to his team mates but to you, he could be mid argument with someone and as soon as you walk into the room he'll look over at you and his whole expression will soften.

He just loves being around you and he'll find any excuse to be near or with you. Training, he'll def train with you. Missions, he personally asks Dick in private if you two can be on missions together. Cleaning, his excuse was "oh they'll definitely need help with folding the clothes." "they're literally folding her clothes only." "and it'll get the job done faster." There was def a time where he said he needed to go with you to take the bins out, because someone might jump you on your way to the bins.

Basically the point is he loves being around you.

So who did tell the other about their feelings first? Him. It came out by accident. During an argument. After a mission. In the rain. You both were arguing about you being hurt and not being able to go on the next mission after you had previously brought up the fact 'you could go on a mission right now.' He was quite concerned for you saying you were not ready. Clearing taking it a bit further then it needed to go. So when he said "it's because i care about you and you can't go on another mission this week." and you retaliated saying "it's not your choice." Then he finished it by saying "I love you, alright and you can't get hurt again this week, you almost died tonight." Leading you to smash your lips onto him.

After that kiss let's just say he was very happy and couldn't stop smiling. Even days after the kiss, he couldn't make eye contact without smiling or blushing. Leading some weird questions asked by the team. Eventually Gar told Connor who told Kory who told Dick who told Donna who told Dawn and Hank and somehow Jason found out. Then about a week after the kiss Gar popped the big question to you asking if you wanted to be his partner to which you said "yes." Bc y wouldn't you?

But, it takes like 3 weeks for one of you both to say the word. Like THE word. The Love word. It was him again. This time he was zoned out and staring at you when he said out loud "god y/n, i love you so much." to which you lifted your head up and looked at him with the biggest smile ever. He was panicking until you said it back. But you both can guarantee that Kory was in the room at the time and got it on video or Kory and Dick are watching you both through the security camera and then leaked it on the [yours and gar's ship name] group chat that they have for some reason.

Now dates. It's mostly take out food like pizza or thai. You'll both play video games most of the time and cuddle but that's something you both enjoy. That's something that brings you both joy eating, cuddling, playing video games it's all that you need.

Pt 2?????????

#garfield logan #garfield logan x reader #titans x reader #titans gar logan x reader #gar logan x reader #gar logan #headcannons #dick grayson #kory anders

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thelovelylolly · 1 year

Note

can you do poe comforting an overwhelmed gn! reader and giving them his jacket to wear to calm them down? totally okay if not tho!! <33

Take My Jacket

Summary : As a Resistance report analyst, you always have a lot of work and sometimes it can get overwhelming. Luckily, Poe is there to help you. Warnings : not proof read bc im ~tired~ Notes : thank you for the request! ive been pretty busy and tired so im sorry if this is a bit short

You knew what you were signing up for when you applied for the report analyst job. You were happy that you weren't on the front line, you were better at analytical things anyway. As time went on and the war continued, the work got more and more intense to the point where it was overwhelming.

Everyday you did the same things for your shifts. You'd clock in and there would already be reports for you to go over. Through out the day, more reports would be submitted and if they weren't, it was your job to make sure they were. With the amount of missions happening everyday, you would have to work through your lunch break. After your 12 hour shift, you'd be able to clock out and go back to your room where you would immediately fall asleep.

You were too busy to notice that Poe had picked up on how stressed and tired you were. He wished he could help you out, but he was also busy. If he wasn't on a mission, he was filling out reports for his last one. You and Poe used to be able to hang out almost everyday, but now you barely saw each other.

But one day, somehow, Poe got a day off. He slept in, catching up on lost sleep, then immediately went to find you. It wasn't too hard, you were at your desk in the back, typing away while your eyes were glued to the screens around you.

"Hey," Poe said, leaning up against the wall next to your desk. "How are you doing?"

You sighed, your eyes not leaving your work. "To be honest, I think my eyes have been burned by these screens."

Poe laughed then pulled up a nearby chair, sitting next to you. "I'm being serious, I know how much you've been working."

"I'm surprised they let you have a day off, Poe, and that spending your time with me while I'm stuck working," you replied, switching to the next report.

"C'mon, you know I wouldn't want to be anywhere else on my day off. Besides, you need a break, too."

You let out a weak laugh. "You know I can't take a break, Poe. The reports just keep coming in and I can't get behind-"

"I see how it's stressing you out, you need to take a step back," Poe cut you off, his hand covering yours and stopping your typing.

You looked over at him, the tiredness in your eyes clearly there. "I want to, Poe. I want to hang out with you like we used to, but it'll just be more overwhelming if I take a break and let these pile up."

Poe sighed and pulled his hand away, but you didn't start typing right away. "If you change your mind, you know where to find me."

"Trust me, you'll be the first person I'll look for, Poe," you replied with a small smile before turning back to your work.

Poe watched as you immediately got back into a flow. He thought for a moment then stood up, took his jacket off and draped it over your shoulders before leaving.

You stopped for a second to slip your arms into the sleeves. Poe's scent still lingered on it through the day and it kept you warm as you worked. At the end of your shift, you wanted to go return it to Poe, but you were too tired.

You had enough energy to go back to your room and quickly get ready for bed. Right before you crawled into bed, you pulled Poe's jacket on over your pajamas. Surprisingly, his scent was still on it and it brought you comfort after your long day.

With Poe's jacket on, you fell asleep quickly and the stress of the day melted away.

#poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x you #poe dameron fanfiction #poe dameron fanfic #star wars fanfiction #star wars fanfic

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emissaire · 1 year

Text

the parting gift - ryuguji ken x reader

warnings/includes: angst, hurt/no comfort, toxic relationships, breaking up, violence, use of mature language such as swearing, mentions of izana x reader, implied dating bajitrio, senju and yuzuha are girlfriends bcs why tf not 🌈 // wc: 7.6K

listen to: m. by anıl emre daldal, romatic homicide by d4vd, chamber of reflection by mac demarco, chilly by niki

note: hey guys! happy new year ♥ here's my first angst for this year, 2023. hope you enjoy >< also this piece is inspired by the movies: the breakup playlist & the effect of a finger flick on a breakup

synopsis: that moment, it occurred to ken ryuguji that emptiness will be his companion for a very long time, so it seems, but it's fine. at the very least, you still gave him one last gift.

Life wasn't always like thisㅡ when you have to constantly second guess your own intentions and be self-deprecating. Life wasn't always filled with the unknown where you have to keep your head low and walk on eggshells so you wouldn't overstep but because of Ken Ryuguji, your every waking day is filled with uncertainty and anxiety. Even after you moved cities, the memories still haunt you.

You swear you used to know him so well like the back of your hand, memorized him to the very core so it's really ironic how you're looking at him as if he was someone you've only met once: familiar yet empty and distant.

You can't see him anymore. Looking right through this unapologetic and hollow shell of a man that stood before you is like looking at yourself through a fragmented glass panel, reflective but damaged. You see yourself in him and it's so cruel because god damn, you want to resent him so much.

"Really, we broke up and that's fine. I have nothing against you." He shrugs so casually as if he is not seeing you crumble before himㅡ yet again. He looks too relaxed for you to be hurting this much just by hearing him speak his cursed poem of nonchalance and ignorance. It seems like he doesn't really care. Did he ever even care?

How did everything spiral down to this? Were you too complacent? Have you always been such a pushover? Do all these questions matter at this point?

You remember a time when his I love yous remind you of the tender moments with him, when the look in his eyes, as soon as they landed on you, was enough to placate you after a long day without him. Now they all mean nothing. He was your everything until it came to a point where the little things, small banters and meaningless quips turned into full-blown fights over who's right, who's in the wrong, who's the bigger person and who's better.

To this day, you still can't place a finger as to why that argument even came up. Not like you were ever in a rivalry with your own boyfriend. After all, a loving relationship is never supposed to be a competition but that wasn't how Draken saw it.

"I have… I needㅡ please, just cater me for a second." Your smile doesn't reach your eyes, sight starting to get blurry with the onslaught tears threatening to spill.

He doesn't say anything but the sound of his heavy sigh resounds in your ears so hauntingly but you push throughㅡ from all those years letting him overshadow your presence in what's supposed to be a two-way relationship, you think you deserve to be heard at least once. "I've been thinking… you know, I did love you."

"Are you trying to make me feel better? I told you, we're cool. You really don't have to." His words followed by a light chuckle manages to make your heart clench.

"No, I… I did, though I don't know when I stopped caring," you pause, clutching your bag placed on your lap before continuing, "Yesterday while I was unpacking, I found this." You used the opportunity to breathe as you dug through your bag to search for the item you found in your jewelry box. The anklet he had given you on your second anniversary is as pretty as ever when you hand it to him. "I just want to give that back."

Draken purses his lips and ends up pocketing the jewelry. He feels a little bad, seeing you so closed off again and looking small but this whole ordeal is a drag and pointless, he thinks. Why dwell on something that's already ended?

"Can I ask you something?" Your voice stops his train of thoughts as he trails his eyes towards your face before he nods. "Did you really love me?"

The question got him taken aback but he had seen this coming. He knew it'll be a question after everything that's happened. "I did."

He sees your momentary pause, the look of surprise on your face baffles him as he narrows his eyes at you. Did you expect him to say no? He wasn't that bad, right?

"Oh," was all you could muster to respond as you pondered over the remaining moments you were together.

"Were you expecting a different answer and for me to say no?" He didn't mean to sound accusing but the thought of you doubting his feelings hurt his pride.

"Can you blame me?"

"What are you implying?"

"Did you ever let me decide on dates? Have you ever asked me how my day went? You never even offered me your hand whenever we went out and it's so crowded." This time, your tears have practically cascaded down your cheeks as you ask him all the questions you've been bottling up. This was far from what you wanted to happen today. You promised to yourself not to open the wound you're trying so hard to heal but it happened before you could process it. As your voice raises in pitch, the more it wavers. It's pathetic but fuck it, you deserve at least this much.

"How is that important? You're so hung up on the littlest things." Draken argues back.

Little things, but wasn't it always the little things that matter? If he wouldn't listen because of that then you'll give him big enough reasons for him to hear you. "Have you approached me to apologize after an argument when you know you started it? Did you ever try to give something up for me? Whenever I wanted to see you, did you ever run to me?"

"Of course I didㅡ" "You did only because you wanted to have sex!"

That had him quiet in guilt, stiffening in his posture and lips going back to being pursed. So he really was that bad. No, maybe the term 'bad' doesn't even suffice to the amount of pain he's subjected you to.

"Above all things, what kind of boyfriend would envy the woman they love? Ken, I wasn't your rival, I was your girlfriend. Weren't we supposed to be happy for each other? If you really loved me you wouldn't see me that way."

Draken has been quiet for a while now, not only tonight but has been for a couple of days. He's also been irritable so you try to do your best to show you're there for him but still keep a safe distance lest he needs his own space.

"Tora's new touch-ups on his bike were really cool, don't you think so?" You smile up at him, engaging his reaction but you're only met with silence and a frown as he hands you your helmet. The rest of his friends are still inside the restobar but your boyfriend insisted you guys leave first.

"Kenny?" This time, you touch his arm gently only for it to be shrugged off as he puts on his own helmet.

"You want to switch boyfriends since you think his bike looks cool? Go on then." His words were muffled but they were sharp and pointed that it digs through your heart. He's never one to be jealous, always the rational he is so you don't understand where this sudden idea came from.

You laugh, deciding to take his words lightly as you hop on the bike behind him, arms wrapped around his middle torso in a snuggle. "You know what I mean! I'm just happy for him since it took him years to have his dream bike."

"You're so happy for him, you're not even his friend." The rest of the drive, you remain in silence. His words stung but what he uttered next as soon as the both of you are in yourㅡ no, hisㅡ apartment (as what he have told you last week in an argument: the apartment is his because he bought it, you doing the house chores and paying half the utility bills is a responsibility as his "tenant") did it. He said them with so much conviction you're convinced you owe him everything that you haveㅡ that you are.

"I– I loved you!" Draken claims, his own voice starting to waver as the realization hits him little by little. By the tone of his voice, it sounded like he was convincing himself more than you.

"I introduced you to my friends, right? I got you people who tolerate you! Without me you'd be nothing. I just want a little respect! Do you know how hard it was for me to have your family's approval? They all think you're better than me. I worked for so many years to have at least a pinch of regards but you? You didn't even have to do anything to make my friends respect youㅡ hell, they respect you more than me! I love you so much but looking at you and being with you just reminds me of how I'll always be a failure."

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Certainly, he knows he did. He cherished you once upon a time but the pressure of constantly comparing himself to you got the best of him. For him, no matter what he does he's always met with a scorn by your family while you, even your bare minimum actions are rewarded by praise from his friends. Right from the start, he knew you were too good for him but that never fazed him. When it finally poisoned his mind, he got so scared of you thinking the same way and without seeing how his actions affected you, he pushed you away and started blaming you for what he's lacking.

"You're not supposed to hurt the one you love, Ken." You mutter, wiping the tears that wet your cheeks as you compose yourself. He doesn't say anything anymore but you can see his face scrunched upㅡ in hurt or confusion, you don't bother asking him as you take a step back. You've said what you needed him to hear, poured out the last bits of toxin tampering with your entire being and the root of all your insecurities.

This time, you will put yourself first above all things. You won't stop again for a person who's not willing to compromise and match their pace with you. "I hope this teaches us both something. Have a good life Draken."

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

"Man, you really need to get your shit together." Mikey's voice is muffled by the glass pressed against his lips as he takes a sip of his whiskey.

"What happened this time?" Mitsuya asks, eyeing the both of them over the kitchen counter.

After you left, Draken immediately called his closest friends for a drink. He feels so pathetic for feeling this wayㅡ for being hurt once you turned your back on him because he thought, after the official breakup that had happened a month ago, he would be okay. Why is he suddenly devastated when he knows he's not in any place to be?

"I'm such a horrible person." He says in a drawl, words slurring as he started drinking before his friends had even arrived in his apartment.

"Oh so you are aware." His blonde friend is about to add more insult but Mitsuya glares in his direction, wordlessly telling him to shut up.

"Why do you say that?" Mitsuya asks again.

"When you love someone you're supposed to make them happy. You'll do everything in your power so they wouldn't get hurt… but I–" He couldn't finish his words, getting choked up with the emotions flooding his system. "I fucked up so bad."

Both of his friends don't say anything, letting him speak his entire heart out. They've seen him put a barrier between you and himself and while they don't support the way he had treated you, it wasn't also their place to intervene. They could only offer so much because at the end of the day, the answer will always come from the both of you. So for the entire night, they stayed with Draken and listened to him ramble about how much of an asshole he is for hurting the only person who showed him genuine love.

The next morning, Draken woke up in his bed, throat dry and head spinning due to the hangover. Last night was a blur, he can't even remember how much he drank and when his friends left his house. Feeling so weak, he almost didn't want to move but figured he'll feel much better after a shower and a glass of water. The anklet in his pocket is long forgotten as it fell on the floor and got kicked under his bed with no regard— much like how he had made you feel.

"Are you sure about this?" Your cousin, Hinata, asks almost tearfully. She's holding your unoccupied hand as the other carries your duffle bag. Behind the both of you are Naoto and Takemichi, rolling your luggages across the tiled floors of the airport.

So much has happened over the course of one year and while you can't say you're entirely happy, you've made it past the horrible times of crying yourself to sleep or skipping meals— you did everything you could to divert the pain away from your heart. It took that much to start building yourself up and all over again, and now you're here, in the airport ready to leave the country and possibly the hurtful memories you have too.

"Of course. I'll still call you guys whenever I can so we won't miss out much on each other." You reassure Hinata with a grateful smile on your face once all of you have arrived in front of the airport's gates.

You look over at your younger cousin, flashing him another smile and a nod towards Takemichi, wordlessly thanking them. You couldn't be more grateful for the support they've given you after the heartbreak. They were at your beck and call— especially Hinata when you needed a pillar and a shoulder to cry on so to leave them after everything makes you sad.

"You're going to be late if you stay here longer." Naoto reminds you, helping arrange your luggages in a way that will be easier for you to carry.

You leave them after a round of hugs and tearful farewells and then you are off to another country, hopeful and confident that you'll find the very much longed for rest of your heart and mind.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Draken is… well, still an empty hollow man but unlike before when he liked to pretend he was fine just being him, he's doing terrible. His routine of beating himself up in the morning and drinking until the late hours of the night is a habit of his now, leaving Inui to manage the shop on his own. The man is too kind for his own good to even scold his business partner for neglecting his duties.

On some nights when he's really drunk, he cries and aches alone, calling out your name. He can barely even remember what it's like to long for you in sobriety as he drowns himself in liquor. He's eyeing the anklet he had given you again, he found it one morning when he stumbled on his own feet and kissed the floorboards of his room like a loser.

He tried to reach out a week after your confrontation but your cousins and even Takemichi kept blocking him out and any sort of contact he could get from you. He thinks he deserved that but the feeling of unfairness still eats at his heart and when it bleeds, the bitterness spreads. That's when he would turn to his only loyal companion now: alcohol.

"You need to stop doing this, Ken. You need help." Mitsuya tells him with his brows furrowed in concern.

"Stop fuckin' telling me whatta do, a'ight? I'll stop if she comes back!" Draken replies drunkenly, swinging the half-empty can of alcohol in his hand which only makes his friend sigh at the pathetic sight.

"Do you think she'll want to come back after seeing you in this state?" Mitsuya is indignant, snatching the can out of Draken's grasp only for the other to push him away defensively, almost knocking him back.

"You asshole! The hell's your problem?" Draken yells, fisting his shirt and glaring at him through unfocused eyes.

Mitsuya can only stare at his friend like he had grown two heads, befuddled and hurt. Draken has never been violent like this. "Ken, you're the one who has a problem."

His comment causes the taller man to go stiff and before they can even process what happened, Draken's fist connects to his cheek, leaving it bruised and sore. Despite the shock, he shoves the other back, aiming to punch him back but quickly stops himself in the process, seeing the empty look in his friend's eyes.

Mitsuya shakes his head as if to clear his own mind, heaving in adrenaline and anger. "Pull your head out of your ass and fix your shit. You're a fucking grown man so act like it." Without wasting another second, he storms out the apartment, shaking and anguished.

In a span of one year Ken Ryuuguji severs another relationship with his miscalculated judgment.

"Oh my god! I missed you so much!" Hinata screams in excitement, hugging you as soon as she opens the front door to reveal you. It had been too long since you've seen each other and your cousin was over the moon when you told her you were coming home for her wedding.

Life in Canada was both fulfilling and sad at the same time. You constantly miss the familiarity and your life in Japan but getting to explore, meet new people and discover new things about yourself were enough motivation to keep you grounded. You enjoyed yourself and you're as happy as you can get.

"Hina, please don't jump around too much. It's bad for the baby." Takemichi scratches his head, eyeing his fiancée in worry as he helps you carry your things inside their house.

"Oh please, I'm not even halfway through the second trimester. Stop being a worry-wart." Hinata teases the man as she leads you to the living room where she sits you down beside her. "So what was it like in a foreign country? Did you meet a handsome man?" She wiggles her brows teasingly.

You chuckle at her antics. "No, Hina and I did great there, considering I was alone."

"Heeey! You're omitting out one big detail. What happened to Mr. Hot Cafe Owner?"

She's talking about the man you met in Canada. He lived in the same apartment as you did, you were next door neighbors and he helped you with unpacking, even offered you dinner that same night. You hit it off well, considering he's an intellect with a golden heart. It even helped that he was part Japanese so you were less lonely and had someone to bond over missing home.

"Ahh him. He had to move back here in Tokyo for work purposes. Long distance didn't really work for us so we broke it off after almost a year of dating. It's been five months since we've had any contact." You shrugged.

"That's a shame," she pouts, "Well you're here in Tokyo now… so why not give it a shot again? That's if he's still here and single?"

"Here are your drinks, ladies." Takemichi places a tray containing tall glasses of orange juice and you quickly grab the opportunity to ponder as you drink.

You're not gonna lie, Izana (Mr. Hot Cafe Owner's name), was a great guy but there's something still quite missing in your heart so it was a blessing in disguise when he broke up with you himself. You agreed with his decision, thinking it would be for the best because up until now, you can still see yourself as someone else's woman no matter how ridiculous that sounds.

"Well, anyway! The wedding is in two weeks so we have a lot to do but for now why don't you go and rest first? Honey, can you please bring her to her room? I'm feeling tired." Hinata yawns, her hand on her belly as Takemichi nods right after placing a kiss on her forehead.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Being back in Japan is overwhelming in a lot of ways but more than that, you're just relieved because after so long, you're finally home. Although quite tired still from the long trip, you can feel your nerves buzzing in excitement at the prospect of seeing what's changed here and what Japan has in store for you even if it's temporary.

Days pass by in a blur with your cousins taking you around the city and back to the places you used to frequent; most times though you're with the couple helping them with last minute wedding preparations so you're pretty occupied which you're grateful for. If you weren't, you would have just spent your days thinking about him and the what-ifs, and you don't want that to happen after the years he's been out of your life. For all you know he could be married and even have kids— if you notice your heart squeezing at the thought, you ignore it.

"Thank you so much for all your help. I bet it was stressful for you, huh?" Hinata is adorned with the prettiest stud earrings, her hair and make up done in a way that accentuates her soft beauty. She's looking at you through teary eyes and a pout.

You quickly rush by her side, a warm smile on your face as you dab a tissue under her eyes lightly. Her baby bump is even more prominent with the snug fit of her dress which makes her look even more ethereal in her wedding attire. "No, thank you for trusting me to help out."

"Is the bride ready?" The wedding coordinator asks from behind the ajar door, looking at you and Hinata.

You flash a grin towards your cousin's way before turning to the coordinator. "Yeah, she is."

As the wedding procession happens, you stay close to Hinata as her maid of honor. You're like a worker bee assisting the bride, making sure that everything is fine that you don't notice the presence of someone who still holds a part of your heart captive and a pair of heavy eyes watching you from the crowd.

"Why didn't you tell me she's here?" Draken hisses beside Mikey as they stand at the front as Takemichi's groomsmen along with the others.

"I honestly didn't know." The other shrugs in nonchalance, completely engrossed in the wedding and finding entertainment at how Takemichi keeps stuttering. "Even if she is here, so what? She's Hinata's cousin so it makes sense."

"Liar. If I had known—" Draken's murmur is interrupted by Mikey's low voice, "It's not that big of a deal, Ken-chin. Besides, haven't you moved on? You're dating someone else now anyway."

That made him quiet, lips pressed into a thin line before heaving out a defeated sigh.

Four long years it has been and you still look… the same. You still look like you but somehow you look radiant? No, you've always been shining but in the years of having you hide behind his shadow, he wasn't able to see just how bright you were— for him you're a sight for sore eyes, something only to behold from afar.

The entire time until the end of the wedding and at reception, he doesn't ever take his eyes off you. Whether you spotted him after gawking at you like an idiot for hours and ignored him or you simply just not noticed, he's glad because if you look in his way, he wouldn't know what to do with himself. He could kiss you, cry, curse at you— he really doesn't know.

"Draken, Yona just texted me asking why you're not returning her calls. She said she's been calling you." Mitsuya lets his taller friend know, gesturing for his phone currently facing down the table. He and Draken made up, Mitsuya forgiving the latter with no hesitance seeing as they go way back and after promising to take care of himself and seek therapy to help him.

"I turned off my cell." Is his lame excuse.

"You should at least text her, let her know what's going on." Chifuyu adds while halfway through his food.

Yona isn't his girlfriend per se, more of like a person to fill the absence of the person he's been longing for. Though he finds her kind of irritating, she's sweet and wants to be with him despite the constant rejection so he keeps her around.

Draken only nods his head before excusing himself to go call the girl outside the reception hall. He doesn't know why he's feeling annoyed that he has to let her know of his whereabouts like he's a child. When he was with you, you trusted him and never pestered him to update you as long as you knew where he was and he got home safe— where the hell is mind going?

"Baby! Why are you only calling me now? I even texted you multiple times!" He winces at the whiny voice on the other line before sighing.

"Sorry, I turned my phone off. Didn't want to come off rude to the newly weds," he words out off-handedly, eyes staring into the spacious garden area of the reception, "Anyway, what's up? Did something happen?"

"I just miss you, that's all." Yona whispers, he can hear the suggestive drawl in her tone which has him frowning.

"Really? You called me because of that?"

"You're so mean. Y'know, my ex boyfriends would've been running to see me the moment I—" Draken doesn't hear her meaningless taunts to make him jealous because as soon as your figure emerges from the double doors where he had come from as well, his heart starts hammering in his chest.

"Look, I'll call you back later." He drops the call without any hesitation as he mindlessly walks in your direction. There's really no thought in his mind, body working on autopilot when his eyes zero in on you. He's desperate when he opens his mouth to call for you but gets stopped by a strong grip placed on his shoulder.

"Don't." Naoto tells him, eyes dark in warning.

"I just need to—"

Your cousin frowns at him, clearly showing his distaste with no hesitation towards the latter. "Need what? To hurt her again? Don't you think she's had enough of you and your bullshit?"

The taller shrugs the hand off his shoulder, jaw slack and eyes narrowed back at Naoto as they share an intense glaring showdown but he refuses to back down. He just needs to hear your voice or even see you look his way… anything!

"Stay away from her, Ryuguji-san. If you have any respect left for her, you'll leave her alone." Then he's left alone outside the reception hall, gaping and frustrated at the abrupt exchange between him and Naoto. He knows it was a bad idea to approach you all of a sudden like nothing happened, like he didn't do anything wrong, like he hadn't broken you into pieces, but the sight of you just made his mind go blank. You completely erased his mind to emptiness and filled his heart full with so many emotions.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

You find yourself clutching your chest, locked up in the bathroom stall as you attempt to calm your heart down. You knew he was going to be there, his name written on the invitation and at first, it made you nervous but he's quickly removed from your thoughts with how busy you had been with your cousin's wedding. Right now though, you can barely contain it. You're surprised you managed throughout the wedding procession and made it to reception but now, you feel weak.

You're sure he knows you're here even though your name wasn't on the invitation, leaving it blank since they weren't sure if you'd be able to make it. He knows you're here but he acts like he's fine and you know he is— not even a bit fazed by your presence.

"Babe, you okay in there?" You hear Yuzuha's voice outside the stall.

"You've been here for 10 minutes. The couple's about to cut the cake." Emma notes though you don't miss the worry in her voice.

You breathe in and out, straightening your back and tucking the loose curls of your hair behind your ear before opening the door with a confident smile on your face. "I'm okay. Let's go?"

They both nod and then loop both of their arms through either one of yours, guiding you out of the comfort room.

The entirety of the event, you don't dare look Draken's way nor even attempt to share the same space with him when you find him too close for comfort. You have to stay away from him if you don't want the years you spent trying to get used to his absence to be meaningless.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

A week after the wedding, both Hinata and Takemichi are away for their honeymoon. You have at least a month or so left before you need to go back to Canada and you're growing restless with nothing to do. You can't bother Naoto since he's busy with his job and you feel hesitant to ask both Emma and Yuzuha out since you didn't talk much when you were in Canada. You don't want to bombard them with sudden invitations because of the gap that has grown between you three.

"Fuck it." You sigh, deciding to call the girls anyway for a night out. Fortunately, they both said yes and you're determined to get out of the lonely house in your silk bodycon dress. You're waiting outside of the house for Yuzuha to pick you up so she can drive you both to Senju's house, her girlfriend, for pre-shots while Emma is already waiting at Senju's place.

You clutch your purse and coat tighter when you see Yuzuha's 2007 Rolls Royce Phantom Drophead stop in front of you, a cheeky grin plastered on her face. "Get in, loser. We're going drinking!"

You laugh at her Mean Girls reference as you pull the door open to situate yourself on the passenger seat. Good thing that you have a coat with you, considering that she's driving with the roof of her convertible down, you're bound to get cold.

The conversation with Yuzuha managed to ease you down and relax until you arrived at Senju's. Emma is the first to greet you with a "Don't you look gorgeous!" She gushed as soon as she saw you, rushing towards you like she's not in her bedazzled 6-inch stiletto heels.

Behind her is Senju, chilling on the couch. "Hey!" She grins at you, presenting a bottle of booze in the air. "Ready for drinks?"

It's 9:30 after the girls decided it was finally time to get down to business and leave for the club. You, Emma and Senju are tipsy but still coherent enough while Yuzuha is completely sober, only drinking one or two shots so there's at least one responsible within your group. She's just hoping that none of you are rowdy when drunk.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

You're perspiring as you dance together with Emma, both of you swaying to the music with your arms around each other to fend off other people who might take it as an invitation when they see either of you dancing alone.

"I've forgotten what it's like to let loose after so long! I feel so free like this!" You shout beside Emma's ear so she can hear you.

Emma giggles, eyes slightly unfocused as she clutches your sides. "Good to know you're having fun though!"

You nod at her, beaming under the poor lighting of the club. Senju and Yuzuha are still at your table, watching you both as they drown in each other's presence. The both of you continued dancing for a while before Emma excused herself to the bathroom while you made a beeline towards the bar counter.

"Can I have water please?" You smile at the bartender after he nods at your request, quickly handing you a glass of cold water to cleanse your palette. "Thank you!"

The counter isn't that busy, only six of you are seated as everyone danced the night away so the bartender entertains you politely. "Are you having a fun night?"

Immediately, you bob your head yes. "Oh yeah. I'm with my girls so I'm definitely having a blast."

"That's great to hear. Sometimes I'd get the opposite answer so I'm relieved." He grins at you before eyeing the now empty glass in your hand. "So another glass of water or can I offer you something else?"

Before you can respond, a hand slides over the counter on your right, a card under its palm. The sudden voice makes you still in your seat, nerves buzzing as you turn to look at the stranger. "She'll have a red sangria."

The bartender raises a brow, skeptical before asking you, "Would you want that, Miss?"

Izana flashes you a boyish grin, his head tilted to the side and making his eyes twinkle as they trace your face in familiarity. He's waiting for your response, even cocking an eyebrow to urge you.

"Yeah, yeah that'd be nice." You hesitantly look back at the bartender to confirm your response with a slight nod of your head and a shaky smile. Without another word, the bartender works on your drink.

Your ex sits on the empty stool beside you, resting his head over his closed palm so he can admire you with a fond and cheeky smile present on his face. "How have you been? You're as pretty as ever."

Well shit.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

"Wait, you guys are here?" The loud voice sounds so indignant, making Senju and Yuzuha pull away from each other's lips, although quite hesitantly.

Squinting to be able to see more clearly, Senju frowns at the sight of his older brother and his friends gathered in front of their table. "Haru-nii, why are you here?"

"Can the both of you stop yelling?" Baji interrupts, pulling out a chair at the same table so he could sit, making Haruchiyo, Mikey, Draken, Mitsuya and Pah-chin to do the same. Their once empty and quiet table is now as rowdy (if not, more) as the other tables.

"You're just salty because your boyfriends left you out on their mini-vacation." Mikey snickers along with Haruchiyo and Pah-chin, annoying Baji at the mention of Chifuyu and Kazutora going on a cruise trip without him to punish him after forgetting to lock up the pet shop and almost losing two cats and three hamsters.

"Man, shut the hell up. I already apologized about it." Baji sounds so antagonized before downing an entire bottle of beer from the couple's bucket.

"Who're you with anyway?" This time, Draken asks as he looks around the club goers to spot any familiar faces and man, did he spot someone so intimately familiar. Is that really you with Mikey's fucking brother?

He doesn't hear Yuzuha's answer as he watches you giggle at whatever the silver head man just told you. He chuckles in disdain, scorning even more when Izana ruffles your hair and pinches your cheek as if you two were close. When did you even meet this guy?

"Why are all these people here?" Emma's voice stops his train of thoughts, she's looking at them with faux annoyance before plopping down on the seat next to her brother.

"Eh, I should be the one asking you that. You said you'd be at Shin-nii's place to help him with his date!" Mikey probes, flicking his sister on the forehead.

"Obviously I lied and you did too. You said you'd be with grandpa tonight!" The siblings continue to bicker while Draken remains mum in his seat, watching you and the nuisance beside you.

"Oh shit! Is that Izana?" Mitsuya asks, bewildered as he points towards your direction. "With—"

"Yeah, the four of us came here. I didn't know Izana-nii was back though…" Emma pouts. "He's even flirting with my friend! The jerk!"

"Should we call them over?" Pah-chin suggests.

Mitsuya and Mikey simultaneously look at Draken but the latter dismisses them. "Yeah, sure. Why not?"

Emma is a girl on a mission when she strides towards the unsuspecting figures of her victims. Placing a hand on your shoulder as well as Izana's, she leans between the both of you. "What is the meaning of this?"

You nearly jump out of your seat, if not for Emma holding you back with a cheeky grin. "You scared me!"

"Sorry!" She chirps before turning her attention towards the man beside her now, eyes squinted. "And you meanie! You didn't inform us you were back and then you're flirting with my girl?"

Her words seem to confuse you. She sounds very familiar with Izana so you look at the both of them in silence, watching their interaction.

Izana rubs the back of his neck with a sheepish grin. "Hey… little sis!"

Little sis?

Emma just clicks her tongue before wrapping her hands around your arm as well as Izana's and then tugging the both of you towards the table where the others are. You almost stumbled on your feet at the sight of Draken but relents anyway as Emma continued to drag you with her.

"Here they are! You sit with me Izana-nii, explain yourself!" Emma pushes you lightly towards the unoccupied seat which so happens to be near Draken.

Great. Just what you needed.

You clear your throat, easing the awkwardness out of your system and refusing to look to your right where he's situated. "Wait, how come you guys know Izana?" You ask, confusion still clearly written on your face.

Mikey groans, hitting the white haired man on the shoulder. "He's our brother. It's kind of a complicated story but yeah, we're siblings."

Isn't it so funny? The world's so small even the person you decided to date is somehow still connected to the person you're trying to forget. "Right, of course."

"The real question though is how you know each other?" Draken addresses, clearly showing interest but you don't dare turn his way or else you might just combust and freak out.

This time, both you and the man in question stare at each other for a moment before he clears his throat. "We uhh, we dated."

You can't see him but you definitely feel the ominous aura from the man behind you, for what reason, you're baffled but it's not like he cares, right? It's been years since you broke up.

"When was this?" Baji asks, completely intrigued.

"In Canada, we dated for a year at least." Izana clarifies with an easy shrug before sending a playful wink your way.

"Ew. Someone, pass me the sick bucket!" Mikey jokingly hurls while the rest laugh at his anticsㅡ except for Draken.

It's so pathetic how your attention is still on him despite the presence of your friends and your other past lover but the hold he had on you— still has on you is too strong for you to pretend that it's not there.

"Come with me." Says Draken, a tight hand around your arm as he pulls you up to stand.

"What?" You ask in bewilderment, eyes wide and mouth gaping. Everyone around the table stares at the both of you now, making you want to shrink.

"Ken—" You shake your head towards Mitsuya as you finally stand as well and let Draken lead you away from the table. You quickly turn your head, mouthing an I'll be okay before completely disappearing out of their sight.

"What was that about?" Izana asks, completely perturbed by just what happened, aiming to follow you but Mikey pulls him back down.

"She said she'll be okay. They'll come back later."

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

The both of you are outside in the parking lot, awkwardly standing in front of each other though both your eyes don't dare to meet, too afraid to see what they might imply. In the years you've dated one another, spoken words didn't amount to how your eyes communicate.

"Why did you bring me out here?" You finally decide to address him, uncomfortably shivering in the chilly night. In your haste, you didn't get to bring your coat with you. Damn Draken.

"I…" The words in his throat get stuck as soon as he sees you— actually sees you in front of him. The way you have to tilt your head upwards to look at his face, your pretty lips in a small pout and your eyebrows furrowed, god, he wants to see your smile as much as he wants to see you cry.

"If you dragged me out here to fight, please spare me. I came here to have fun." You murmur, voice soft and timid as if you're afraid that you'll offend him. The years you spent building your confidence seem nothing now that you're facing the person behind your self-destruction.

"That's not— fuck. I miss you!" His longing words come out more aggressive than he had intended it to but you make him lose himself in the emotions swarming him.

It feels like a bucket of water has been splashed all over you as you take in his words, time seemingly slowing down agonizingly the longer you stare at him. "I don't have time for this." Yet you remain rooted in your place. For some reason, the way he's looking at you like you have half of his heart makes you want to stay and listen to what he's going to say next— like a fool. You know you shouldn't give him another opportunity to break your walls down yet here you are.

"I long for you every single day. I see you in everything around me— I… I still love you. So damn much." There, he said it. The one thing you've been wanting to hear since your relationship bursted at its seams… yet it doesn't do anything to lift the heavy feeling lodged in your chest. The elevation you expected to swarm you doesn't come and it's so disappointing because once upon a time, you needed him to say that.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" Draken sounds so desperate and he knows it. He's almost ready to grovel at your feet if you so wish but he doesn't hear anything from you, it's like you're not there with him anymore. Absent, empty and void. He finds it so hard to breathe. "Please, say something. Say anything…please."

A heavy and shaky sigh is your response, biting at the quiver of your lower lip as if it would stop the impending hurt from overtaking. "If I say that I still do return your love, would it change anything? Answer me truthfully, Ken."

He's almost tempted to say yes but he knows the answer to that. He'd be fooling the both of you then because the remnants of what you had isn't really enough to fix what he's already destroyed.

You offer him a small smile but deep inside, you feel your insides twisting and your heart shrinking with what you're about to say. "We've grown older and apart, I'm sure you also had your own realizations as to what went wrong with us."

Draken nods his head in affirmation although his eyebrows are creased, finding it hard to read between the lines— is this acceptance or rejection?

"So I don't understand why you're saying all these things to me like you didn't learn anything from what happened," you purse your lips before adding, "I cherish what we had and I like how things are now. I choose to stay away from you because I don't want to keep putting all the blame on you. I don't want to end up hating you, Ken Ryuguji. Let's not do this."

He doesn't know what hurts more. The way you murmured his name with such tone, like there's a vast space between you— loud but meaningless because you're so far away or the fact that somehow, you still put him on a pedestal despite being an asshole to you. It's fucking with his mind and he wants to see the entire world burning with the lightmatch in his hand. After all, what's the world without you? What is he without you?

"Please keep your distance from me, Ken. I don't want to keep doing this. It's tiring." Such heavy words fall past your lips like they weigh nothing, but to Ken Ryuguji they were enough to break him. They were like knives piercing right through his very heart and as you take a step back and away from him, he doesn't follow you to ease the gaping hole it left in his chest as he watches you walk away again. This time, he's sure that you will never make the same mistake of turning back the wrong way— turning back to him because right there and then, he lets it happen. With a broken sob he's ever heard himself cry, he fully embraces the void as the last thing to remember you by. That moment, it occurred to him that emptiness will be his companion for a very long time, so it seems, but it's fine. At the very least, you still gave him one last gift.

#livre: daisy #draken x reader #ken ryuuguji x reader #draken angst #ken ryuuguji angst #tokyo revengers angst

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clemswinecorner · 11 months

Text

Nuggets and shakes [Zak O'Sullivan]

Summary: During the F3 break something is up with Zak, so Y/N finds out and comforts him.

Started from the prompt "You’re avoiding the subject and you know it. What are you hiding from me?"

Wordcount: 1.7k

Warnings: it's kinda sad and like a liiiiitle angsty bc Zak is sad bc Williams did a shitty thing. Other than that its like cute or smt its a lovely relationship (with a little bit suggestive at the end but y/n stops it to play games lol)

Guess who lives! And it's my biiiirthdaaaay so here's a gift for you xx This got me out of my writer's block and I wrote this in a day (but! i am on @clemswinecorner-socials more often because those can get some creativity out of me even when I have a writer's block, I've got a new post ready for you there as well mwuah x) and also I graduated in the mean time so go me, and now I have time to get back to writing and the inspiration so thank you Zak! Enjoy Zak girlies :)

Ps. don't think about the title too much because I struggled making up one (suggestions are welcome)

It wasn't unusual for Zak to keep to himself like now, especially when he'd been busy and his social battery was low. Zak was a very laid back person, so people were used to him not bringing attention to himself in general, but he was usually up for a chat and often cracking jokes. He had spent a lot of time with friends and family, so you understood him seemingly wanting some time to himself, sure. What was unusual, however, was how he was distant even to you. The last race before the long break wasn't a good weekend for the British driver, his feature race ending early due to damage from the opening lap after struggling to make it into the top 10 on Friday. He'd been frustrated and quiet on the way home to England, but when you went to Spain, where you'd spend the first couple of weeks of the break, the championship went somewhat forgotten.

It was now only 3 weeks until the final race of the season came around, and you were seated next to Zak in his parents' garden as his dad and uncle were busy with the barbecue. He absentmindedly scrolled on his phone, occasionally responding to some texts with his other hand on your thigh. He wasn't physically distant, he'd never been, but there was something different between going on. Something hanging in the air, which was weird- you’ve always been very open and communicative to each other. "Zak, can you come help for a second?" You look over as his dad calls him, but Zak doesn’t seem to notice. You nudge him, "your dad needs help." Zak nods and puts his phone in his pocket standing up, his hand leaving your thigh. You watch as he talks with his family, a small smile on his face, though you could see it wasn't fully there. He was still chatting and joking around, you assumed from the way his dad was laughing, but his own smile seemed a little more forced- but maybe that was just you.

"So, how's my favourite in-law? The job going well?" You smile at Zak's cousin, who was around the same age as you, sitting down next to you. "I'm good, I'm alright. I've been having fun during this time off, but also can't wait to get back to the track with the team and Zak. And you, how's the boyfriend?" You chat for a while, until you get interrupted by your boyfriend appearing next to you with a hand on your shoulder, handing you a plate with some salad and a little bit of everything from the barbecue. "Thanks babe, looks good," you smile and you give him a quick peck. "Always for my girl," you blush and his cousin looks at the two of you fondly as Zak makes his way back. "So, everything going great between you two I assume?" You look at Zak with a sigh before looking back at her. "Yeah, we're good, I think. He's been a little off, or something, but I think it's work related. I've been wanting to talk about it but you know how things are in the motorsports world, you can't always say," His cousin looks over with a sympathetic smile. "Oh, well, you know how he is. If he's ready and wants to tell you, he will. And you can always ask," you nod as you look at his 3 year old niece, who has just come in, running up to him. "Uncle Zaaaaak!" Zak turns around and looks down with a smile. "Hey there princess!" He says and you hear an adorable squeal as he lifts her in the air. "He'd be a good dad," His cousin raises his eyebrows at you and you shake your head. "Nope, way too early, we are not having that conversation."

"Are we going too?" You softly ask Zak after you've said goodbye to his niece and her parents. "Yeah, sure, whatever you want," you grab the keys from his back pocket and rub his arm. "Alright, I'll drive. Let's say goodbye to your parents and go," You walk back to the garden, where you hug both his parents before quickly waving to his siblings. "I'll see you guys next week, right? Alright, bye!" You automatically grab Zak's hand as you walk back to his car, him going more quiet liked you'd seen at home the past couple of days. You hand him your phone with Spotify, not entirely sure what type of music he'd prefer, and drive home. "Do you want a milkshake? I could also get nuggets to share or a McFlurry. I won't tell any of the trainers," You mention when you see the exti that leads to the McDonald’s. You glance over at Zak who gives you a tight but genuine smile. "Nuggets and shake, please," you smile as you pull into the McDrive, ordering your usual favourites. "Thank you," he quietly says when you're back on your way. "Ofcourse," You smiled.

You settle around the kitchen island in Zak's apartment, with him sitting and you still standing halfway across from him. "So, how are you feeling?" Zak frowns at your question as he dips his nugget in the sauce. "About what?" You shrug, "In general," and Zak simply shrugs back. "Just normal," He just says, and you look at him once more. "Zak, is... Really, are you okay?" He looks up at you now, seeing how serious you are. "Yeah, i'm fine. Just... There’s nothing, i just need to get back into the flow, and stuff. With Williams and everything I've just... You know how it is, different people and stuff, but I can't really say," It's only when he mentions the team that you realise how much he hadn't talked about them during the past few weeks, whereas he had mentioned his F3 team. He'd been over at the factory a few times, but not nearly as much as during the winter. "Zak, is everything going okay at the teams, and during training? We've not really spoken about that stuff for a while," he quickly shakes his head- too quick. "Yeah, did you hear Williams is finally allowed to break the cost cap for the new stuff? And Prema's been doing well, did you talk to Angelina about the new LAP's? I noticed they took over some of your filming habits," He talked quickly, not allowing you to interrupt. "I did, yeah, but you’re avoiding the subject and you know it. Zak, I know this is a secretive world, or supposed to be at least, but i'm your girlfriend. If you go through something I go through it with you. What are you hiding?" Zak looks at you and you see a change in his demeanour. "I, eh, I don't... I don't think I can really..." You walk over to him, the distress clear in his voice. "Listen, I'm here, okay. I won't tell people, I just care for you. Good or bad, i'll stay," you grab chin and make him look up at you as you tell him that, and he nods. "I know. Thank you," You smile as you hug him from behind the chair. "I love you, always." He nods in response as he leans into you, rubbing your arm. "I got sacked by Williams."

You freeze at those words. "Zak..." You say as you stand by his side. "That's what you've been keeping to yourself?" You ask, already knowing the answer. He looks at you with watery eyes and nods. "My god, Zak, I'm sorry," You pull him to stand up and embrace him, feeling him relaxing immediately at your touch. You stay for a long while as the words slowly sink in. Zak is still grabbing you tightly and from the way he's hugging you you can tell how much he needed this. He softly cries on your shoulder as you hold him, with here and there sobs that absolutely break your heart.

"You don't deserve this. That's... It's a dumb decision, really, why would they do that to such a good driver?" Zak has slowly pulled back, now leaning against your chest as you hold him. "They had to choose. With the Merc juniors and Logan already there they had to make a decision and they saw more in Franco. I really don't know what next, Y/N. I don't even know if I'll make it to F2," You sigh as you hold him close. "You will. And honestly, you're gonna make it to F1 anyways, might as well make it a team that isn't the worst on the grid," Zak gives you a eye roll and a smile in response. "Okay, okay, I'm still with the team until after Abu Dhabi. But maybe, yes," he admits and you chuckle. "Alright, now that we've got that out of the way, we should do something fun, because you need that. Put on your pyjama pants and I'll grab us a game, alright? Alright, I'm changing first, you finish the nuggies!" He chuckles as you walk away to the bedroom.

"I'm coming in," You say as you open the door, a bottle of rosé and two glasses in hand, placing them beside your bed. Zak walks out of the bathroom wearing just his underwear, and you look him over. "Put on some pants," you tease and he smirks. "I know you'd rather have me keep them off," You roll your eyes as you leave the room again, grabbing the games you figured you could play. "You don't need a shirt, it's fine like that," Zak looks at you from the edge of the bed and stands up as you put the games on the bed. "Thought you'd say that," he says as he pulls you close to him by your wrist, pulling you in for a kiss. As his hands slip lower to the shorts you're wearing you pull back. "We were going to play some games, weren't we?" Zak nods as you move yourself from his grip making your way over to the bed. "Uno and monopoly, really? You know that stuff has ended relationships, right?"

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#zak o'sullivan #f3 x reader #formula 3 x reader #zak o'sullivan x reader #williams academy #(but not anymore ig)#also is this the first zak fic? omg #i've been entering my zak era #prema f3

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