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unohanadaydreams · 3 years

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Don’t ask me why I made this, just know that I’m right and this is not just a Headcanon post but real. It’s not me having brain worms haha that would be insane. Honestly I just started thinking about how the hell arc introducing Seireitei approved social media would be such a mistake but god would it be fun to watch.

The Current Captains On Social Media

Shunsui Kyoraku - Failed erotic novel author turned romance/erotic novel reviewer. The fan base for his work is very small compared to his actual following. There is some divide in his followers—those who follow for his life updates and those who want to hear him talk at length about his latest read. Funnily enough, his quick, messy posts usually paired with scenery or a selfie are his most popular writing, often hailed as snippets of his poetic soul. Lots of people want to give him a hug.

Soi Fon - Adamant privacy and safety poster. Took to code and anti-virus technology well, much to Mayuri’s annoyance. Posts tips and tricks that read more like demands. Is known for her bitchy responses when followers @ her with their progress that are eaten up gratefully. Her advice is punctuated by posts admiring athletic women and these women make up the bulk of who she follows. She seems to admire runners and lifters the most. Her threatening posts when people hit on her too hard/with too many notes to back them up are turned into copypastas.

Rose Otoribashi - Has one of the larger followings thanks to his nostalgic visuals as well as his dedication to frequently posting new music. He has a personality that’s easily digestible when viewed through snippets. The fact that his passion is music and his job is news/editing also do him a lot of favors. He loves doing live streams and encourages his followers to perform for & with him.

Isane Kotetsu - Her growth being captured on social media not just as a captain but as a person has given her a fan base that feels extremely protective of her. She’s less known for what content she brings and more for her personality. Any creative content she posts is likely to start trending. Especially her ‘peaceful morning’ videos and reflective writing. She’s one of the more interactive posters, beloved for her encouraging responses.

Shinji Hirako - As a more private person, he doesn’t have much of a following and his most popular posts are candid moments posted by others. Lisa is a large reason people consider him endearing in anyway. Definitely the kind of person who is either considered cringe or cool with little in between. The kind of guy who asks what he should do with his hair and then goes with an option that wasn’t listed.

Byakuya Kuchiki - Has an extremely scheduled and curated presence on any site he’s on, but is nonetheless adored. He used to ask Renji and Akon for advice on how to handle some of the more online behavior (like being @ed by women who photoshop them as their date to events or being asked how many notes a date would cost) but stopped quickly. Turns out saying something is flattering leads to more of that behavior. Any selfie he posts is edited and reposted into oblivion until it’s thousands of people’s pfp.

Tetsuzaemon Iba - Despite him being one of the most well rounded captains personality wise, he gets put onto block lists the most for his dedication to concepts of manliness, which are easy concepts to feed to the social media outrage machine. Women’s Association vs Men’s Association is a popular meme where the former is something sensible and the latter is something ineffective/archaic. That being said, he’s also known as a ‘problematic fav’ and people will often post memes about abandoning their feminism for a few minutes to like his selfies and training videos.

Lisa Yadomaru - Another captain with a large love and hate following. Often picked apart for interacting with porn/hentai accounts, thirsting after women openly, and posting pictures alluding to her sexual escapades. Despite her account being regular food for the outrage machine, she doesn’t seem to care or pay attention to it and is forever horny on Main. She posts a lot of candid photos/videos of her friends. Recommends the best fucked up fiction.

Kensei Muguruma - Of course he does cooking videos, but what really does well are his cooking challenges. He forces his lieutenant, friends, and colleagues to compete with him on making a better dish on a time limit and often with other handicaps. Usually wins. His bloopers get a ton of mileage when he posts them. His merch is constantly sold out. People often dress up as him for Halloween/conventions, usually with foam or blow up arms/abs.

Toshiro Hitsugaya - Another captain with a huge following due to him approaching social media with his tireless work ethic. His ice sculptures are very popular and his pop-up galleries sell out in hours. Is actually a huge fan of ‘cozy’ games and is known for having beautiful towns/farms/ect that showcase his attention to detail. He does events in Minecraft sometimes, where he guides people through building large scale projects (and also feels like he’s making friends but that’s left entirely unsaid). A bit harsh, but beloved.

Kenpachi Zaraki - People question if it’s really his account because it’s so random at times, but he posts videos of him mowing down his subordinates during training so it has to be. The odd content includes engaging with easy recipes & activities for toddlers and increasingly complicated punk hairstyles that he really does try out. He also posts weekly, asking for people to volunteer and fight him. The human world especially loves this and he gets a lot of responses. He tries to set up times to fight them but Nanao threatens to delete his accounts and put him on suspension if he attempts to follow through. He posts a lot of post-battle pictures and humans gobble it up. “Just fought *insert ridiculous thing here*” is a huge meme.

Mayuri Kurotsuchi - He is constantly making new accounts and circumventing bans for posting links to his old lab work, that often involves heinous amounts of gore. Actually does have a following, often from those within his own division, those hoping to be in his division, or humans who see him as edgy and a little bit off his rocker, which they think is cool. He posts pictures of himself whenever he switches up his look. And posts Nemuri a lot with unhinged captains about how she’s going to outpace even the head captain and no one could make someone as special & smart as her. Just comes off as a really passionate dad. Plenty of people are convinced he’s a creepy pasta project ran by a dude with a daughter.

Rukia Kuchiki - Like Isane, she’s really loved for who she is rather than creative content. Even her attempts at being stern and ‘captain-like’ are fawned over. She has a line of children’s books, stickers, and notebooks with her cute drawings. Her most popular set was when her daughter contributed. The human world is convinced Renji is her house husband and her life is generally seen as all around ‘goals’. Her posts are riddled with mistakes and very sporadic; she’s posted accidental live streams while she did paperwork and they went viral. She posts tons of candids of her subordinates and family but they are usually blurry or actually videos.

#bleach imagines #bleach headcanons #shunsui kyoraku #soi fon #rose otoribashi #isane kotetsu #shinji hirako #byakuya kuchiki #tetsuzaemon iba #lisa yadomaru #kensei muguruma #toshiro hitsugaya #kenpachi zaraki #mayuri kurotsuchi #rukia kuchiki #Mayuri having conspiracy videos dedicated to him actually fuels me

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citrineghost · 3 years

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Struggling to stay organized because you have ADHD?

Well, I have a fantastic solution for you! There’s this bitchin site called Trello and I’m gonna tell you all about it

This is not sponsored, I just really like organization and Trello is awesome. And, as always, no readmore because this is targeted at ADHD people and y’all ain’t gonna click it

[ID: a picture of a website with many columns/lists. Behind the lists, there is a customized background. To the right is a sidebar showing that you can search Unsplash for backgrounds right from the site. Each column/list has a bunch of ‘cards’ on it. The cards each have a title and color coded label(s) /end ID)

Here’s a picture of my to-do board

There are some things blacked out, mostly just my avatar, name, and some original creative stuff I don’t feel like broadcasting.

So, Trello is broken up into different levels of organization. Let’s start with the most important level: boards.

Boards

A board is what’s pictured above. Think of it like a corkboard where you pin your notes. You can make as many of these as you want. You can title them, invite people to them, automate certain parts of them, and more.

On your board, you can make

Lists

Lists are those columns you can see on my board. You can title each list, click and drag them around to reorder them, set them to automatically label the things on them, and so on.

My lists on my to do board are titled with a time period for when I aim to do something. The time periods are large and vague, which makes them great for my ADHD. I can move things between them as I need, which is also great for my ever shifting brain thoughts.

But! What makes it great is that whatever I put in the left list, titled Next, I know is what I need to be focusing on at the moment. It makes it easier to ignore what’s to the right of it and let’s me relax knowing I won’t just forget everything I’m not prioritizing.

Lists are used for holding

Cards

(ID: A picture of a small window that opens after clicking on a card. It contains the title, the labels (with their names now visible), and a functioning checklist. There is also a place to type a description, a place to add comments, and a list of buttons on the side for managing the card and its place on the board /end ID)

Each card can be as simple as containing just a title (making it a simple entry on your list), or as complicated as housing photos, descriptions, checklists, labels, and comments. You just click the card and it opens the window shown above.

My card is for a tabletop I’m working on, nicknamed TAP. I have it labeled with all of the things pertaining to what it involves (world building, writing, in progress, spreadsheeting, and art/creative). These color coded labels make it easy to see what kind of cards I’m looking at when looking at the overall board and lists.

As I do things on the checklist, I can mark them off. You can even set it to hide completed items on the checklist.

When I’m done with an item on my to do list, I click and drag the card to the Done list (which is offscreen on the far right). If you don’t want a visible Done list, you can also just archive a card and it will disappear from the board.

You can also set due dates on cards, which will notify you when they’re almost due or when the due date arrives.

Customization

One of my favorite things about Trello is that you can customize the appearance of your boards! My ADHD brain can’t stand looking at the same thing constantly, so it’s great that I can change things up. Each board can have its own design too, so you can match the vibes of the board with the appearance.

You can pick from a bunch of solid colors for your board or you can use the connection Trello has with Unsplash to search and select free stock images provided by photographers.

Other Parts of Organization

Not only do you have boards, lists, and cards, you can also make Workspaces, which are basically categories to sort your boards into. If you use Trello for projects, and have a board for each project, you can sort your boards into a Projects workspace.

There is also a function called Butler, which you can use to automate boards. For example, you can set it to automatically create a card called “Pay Rent” at the start of each month.

On the right, in the same sidebar where you can see the background options, there’s also an activity feed, tracking every time a card is moved, commented on, added, archived, and so on.

Team Work

Not only is Trello great for keeping private boards, you can also invite people to them! That makes it incredible for household management, group projects, or even friend groups who feel like storing plans and personalized memes. You can literally use it for whatever you want and in whatever way you want!

ADHD Applications

So, now let’s get down into the specifics of how this is great for people with ADHD.

You can make as many boards, lists, and cards as you want.

This is a big one for me, because I really struggle with websites that limit how much you can do with one account and force you to make multiples and then juggle multiple logins and so on. Start a new project? Make a new board. Follow your heart. Be free. If you end up giving up on it, just delete it, or store it for later. You can Star the boards you actively use and just use the Star list to access the boards you need, so if you star all your active ones and then ignore the unstarred, failed projects, you can leave them to rot or abandon them until the mood strikes again.

You can organize in a way that works for you.

So many organization applications are made to work one way and that can be really difficult to navigate as someone with ADHD. So many people with ADHD have such specific needs in regards to how they organize that it can be really hard to find something that works. Half the time we end up just scrambling around from application to application, cursing them as we go because one has one thing we like, but it doesn’t have the thing this other one has that we like and nothing ever seems to just work.

Trello makes it possible to personalize how you organize and even change how you organize halfway through. I keep my to do list organized in 4 priority levels with the addition of a Pin list and a Done list. You could also:

Keep a list that works as a calendar, with a card for each entry, organized in order of date

Keep a list of reminders where automated weekly/monthly/yearly responsibilities pop up

Jot down reminders as you think of them

Keep lists of school assignments in the order they’re due

Use descriptions and photo uploads on cards to collect information or resources needed for said assignments

Keep lists of information that’s easy to forget or lose track of on paper like address history, work history, references, contact information, and so on (like I’ve done on my ‘Pin’ list)

Use boards for projects, to keep track of things like resources, due dates, meeting times, sending files between classmates or project partners, and so on

Use boards for planning events like weddings, parties, conferences, school dances, or whatever else you’re into

Collect resources, references, or recreational to-dos (like links to fanfiction you want to read)

Literally anything

You can separate everything onto different boards, making everything visible from the titles of cards, or combine it all into one, with lots of information available on a click

The sky’s the limit

You can automate repeat tasks.

ADHD comes with a lot of forgetfulness when it comes to regular tasks, such as weekly appointments, medication reminders, and a yearly charge for your Nintendo membership. You can put that stuff into your calendar, but that can also be tricky because then you have information spread across multiple platforms.

Just as easily, you can set Butler to make new cards with reminders on them.

There’s probably more but I have ADHD and I forgot

Just think of the possibilities!!

I used to get debilitatingly stressed out because I would have 10 things floating around in my head because I was simultaneously trying not to forget them and also stressing about them and I would make what I call “spaghetti lists” where I would list all the things I’m thinking of, just as a way to calm down and know that I won’t forget them, so that my brain could quiet down.

Since starting this board, I haven’t had to do that once because all of the things I’m afraid of forgetting are already listed, even if they’re on the list titled ‘ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ‘ because idk if they’re ever actually gonna happen.

It can be incredibly stressful to see all of your to do items in one place, but since starting this, I have been less stressed overall, because I now know I can find them all in that one place. Learning to manage and cope with the stress of knowing I have a lot to do is easier than forgetting things and then realizing I’m late on something or things just never happening because I never remember them when I’m in a place where I can work on them.

And when you have everything in one place to reference when you have some executive energy, you can suddenly just start doing things. I have them labeled by type so I can go, “I’m in the mood to draw,” and then check all the dark blue labels for creative projects. It makes everything so much easier.

Anyway, I hope this is helpful to some of you, it’s genuinely been life changing for me

#adhd #actually adhd #coping with adhd #adhd tips #tips #advice #organization #organizing #trello #projects #to do #ghostpost #adhdghost

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kiefbowl · 3 years

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this is random but how long have you been using this account? i remember you as some of the first people i followed when i discovered radical feminism

I had to look up my archive to remember but it looks like I started this blog in June of 2016, as long as I didn’t delete all post prior to June for some reason (I don’t really delete posts, it’s too much work lol. try not to go fishing for anything embarrassing I beg everyone). I would have been aawb then. Plus that timeline feels right, because I had to remake bc around that time ish tumblr out of nowhere reset everyone’s passwords and my email address was tied to a college email I didn’t have access too and there was no recovery. so I had a side blog for about a year or two as radfemeudaimonia, then tumblr reset people’s passwords, and I could only access that blog and my other blogs at the time via the app because that never logged me out. I did that for like 2-3 months, and then gave up and just abandoned those and remade a new account as aawb. Before making radfemuedaimonia, I had been on tumblr on my main account for like who even knows how long, but years. So I’ve been around on tumblr a long time. I changed my url from aawb to kiefbowl probably around nov/dec of 2017, which is weird to realize that because I thought I was aawb for a really long time, but I guess not and I’ve been kiefbowl for longer now. anyway, that’s my rambling history on tumblr, which is not really what you asked for, but I’m glad you asked because I had to look up and take stock of my history which is good to do from time to time and gd I’ve been here a long time lol.

If you’ve been here a long time with me, you’ve probably notice I’ve changed how I use tumblr a lot. Tumblr used to be so so so important to me in expressing my ideas and finding theory on feminism and connecting with other women. I was also younger, under employed, struggling, angry as fuck, and super depressed. I would spend a lot more time trying to get well written “discourse” posts out there and answered a lot more asks. I def think my edge has dulled a bit, for better and for worse. I’ve come to terms with the ways tumblr has also been very unproductive and unhealthy for me as well, and I’m just older. The need for validation was something I was blind to at 25, I realize how important that was for me in hindsight, and now it’s not that important to me. I know what I believe, I know how I act, I know what’s incongruent, I don’t really need strangers weighing in, even if I like them. I feel I know a lot of mutuals, but I also have come to terms we don’t really know each other. There are a lot of people on radblr (whatever that means) I admire for their posts or attitude or jokes, but I know we might not actually get along if we met in real life. Lately, I’m more focused on my immediate community. I’m trying to put a lot of energy into my irl relationships (including the men I know!) because I think that’s more worthwhile of my time and you have to put what you read into practice at some point. You have to see what the consequences of your words in real time, it’s at times surprising and humbling, which makes it worthwhile.

I have met a few people from tumblr in real life. some of it has worked out, some of it hasn’t. some of it not working is my fault, bc I had a lot of dips in depression over the past few years. I think about reaching out to them and making it better all the time, and I think I will once covid is done. I met up with someone once and I got creepy anons I ignored who knew about it at some point and then she published a couple anons that creeped me out too (I don’t know if she realizes it) and unfortunately that was one of the reasons I put some distance between us, not that I was conscious of it really but I see it now in hindsight, and became reeeeeaaaally conscious of what I said and posted here and who I met up with, which since has been one other person and no one else. These were people going “I’m so excited to hear you met up with x” and she got an anon she published that said “I think you and aawb should start dating” and I was like “okay there be freaks on tumblr” and since then I just really put a lot of distance between me and the non mutuals here. It’s very clear between me and other mutuals who are “big” (whatever that means tbh) that I’ve talked to it about that there are unwell people on tumblr who project a whole lot of shit onto you even if they admire you. Psychologically, that can wear on you more than dumbass misogynists who argue with you, because they’re just flash in the pan and to them you’re faceless, you’re anybody, you don’t matter. But people who are sycophantic think they know you (not suggesting you are anon, your ask seems completely reasonable. I ignore shit like that now, I’ve stop publishing those anons) and they say weird stuff that is like...dumb. like “you’re the smartest person in the world” or whatever and it’s like, obviously that is not true and it’s not actually appreciated. I’m just regular, we’re all regular people on here.

I’ll be real, I think about archiving this blog by keeping my posts I like and am proud of and deleting everything else, and not deactivating but bouncing. At one point or another, tumblr is going to phase out of my life. It’s probably going to happen sooner than later, I just feel old at this point and sometimes I find it a little embarrassing idk.

I’m glad you’ve enjoyed my blog and I’ve helped you in whatever ways I have to help you find feminism. I hope you keep at it and remember to talk to as many women as possible as much as you can! :)

It was fun decompressing my history with this anon, it’s actually helped me a little gain some perspective, so thank you anon, even if that wasn’t your intention lol. I do what I want lmao.

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the-resurrection-3d · 3 years

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Thank you for another really interesting response! You've certainly given me a lot to think about in regards to my own work. (I'm just happy my story will be posted in full before the new short comes out). And you're definitely right about how source material is often dark. I didn't leave a young boy to die on an island, after all, Pixar did. Even in my ultimately happy little fic, shit like that can't just get swept under the rug, nor should it be.

Ayyy, you go, man! I'm jealous; I'm sooooo bad at completing longer works. I'm at the point where I can draft something longer (like my novel from the start of the year), but I falter when it comes time to actually revise it. I think the longest thing I've finished lately was my angels of death fic "I'll Still Destroy You," though the Jonah essay is getting up there, too.

And I'm glad you're liking my responses! I always worry I ramble too much, but I also want to give full and adequate responses so people don't feel like it was a waste of time to ask, you know?

Also, god, yes. Alberto being abandoned for well over a year makes me want to [delete my Minecraft account], even if I got this post out of it. One of my best, if I do say so myself. These days I'm trying to transition more into focusing on the happier side of things while still allowing the sadness a seat at the table, though my actual success with that project is uh... debatable, lol.

Once I finally figure out how to write "the grammar of violence: a novel," it's over for you hoes. But let me know if you have any more questions or just thoughts in general! I'm always happy to talk c:

#2d asks

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beneaththetangles · 3 years

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Tangles Writers Do Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai, Arc 3: Rio, You Don’t Have To Hate Yourself

The article that you’re about to read has been more than four months in the making. It’s one of the most difficult pieces of writing that I’ve tried to craft. Of course, there are practical reasons for that: busy summer and school schedules, writer’s block, apathy, procrastination.

If I’m being honest, though, I find it difficult to write about the things Rio struggles with in this arc. In some sense, it’s because they’re things I struggle with as well: loneliness, depression, self-loathing, frustration with sin. I can barely articulate my own emotions with regard to these struggles—let alone the emotions of others! The task at hand bewilders me, so that I would much rather give up on the project altogether and recoil back into the darkness, defeated by the terror of the blank page.

But I know that’s not a very healthy response. And the issues at stake here deserve far more consideration than I’ve given them. Several months ago, one of our beloved contributors, Bob Aarhus, made this very point in his musings on Wonder Egg Priority; whether out of apathy or fear or judgmentalism, we don’t talk about these things. And yet, we need to talk about them. For when we talk about these things, we create spaces where complex and often confusing emotions can find resolution and peace. Like the rays of a lighthouse’s beacon, we signal weary seafarers that the shore’s coming up: that there’s hope for them even as they continue their journeys.1

In some ways, this analogy of the lighthouse captures the vision of Bunny Girl Senpai quite well. I mentioned at the end of my article on Tomoe’s arc that Bunny Girl Senpai is about learning to live in a world where there are no cheap answers. Mai can live with the tensions of show-biz because she knows Sakuta will see her for who she is. Tomoe can live with the social pressures of her peers because she knows that Sakuta will always support her along the way. Mai and Tomoe can continue on their journeys because they’ve found a guiding light in Sakuta: a hope that will carry them along through the storms.

But the question I’d like to ask today is this: Is the beacon really bright enough? Is the hope that Sakuta gives Mai and Tomoe (and Rio) enough for them to weather their storms? Is it enough for them to live? Or simply to cope? And if the latter, where is true hope to be found?

Well, I’ve rambled on enough. Let’s get to Rio.

Who, by the way, is best girl. And if you think otherwise, you’re simply wrong.

To answer the questions I’ve posed for myself, I’d like to point to one specific scene near the end of Rio’s arc. If you haven’t seen the show, go watch it; but if you’re unwilling to watch it, I’ll provide a brief synopsis. Rio’s Adolescent Syndrome splits her into two Rios, one of which ends up at Sakuta’s house while the other takes over Rio’s public life. As the arc goes on, we learn the cause: pre-Syndrome Rio had been posting suggestive selfies on a burner account, which hurtled her into a spiral of self-hatred. Ultimately, that spiral tore Rio into two personalities: the Rio who craved the attention she was receiving, and the Rio who hated herself for craving that attention.2

Ultimately, a series of fortunate events leads the attention-seeking Rio to delete her account. And after pulling an all-nighter with Sakuta and Kunimi, she realizes she never needed to worry about being alone: Her friends were always there for her.

That takes care of the attention-seeking Rio, but what about the other Rio? When Sakuta wakes up the evening after the all-nighter, she’s gone. It’s only after a mad dash through the rain that Sakuta finds her at school, threatening to erase herself from the world altogether. After all, Sakuta’s sided with the Rio she hates. There’s nowhere for her to belong. Everyone in the world has abandoned her, including herself—so she reasons. And Sakuta would have objected, had he not been struck down with a severe case of Sudden Anime Fever Syndrome (don’t inquire). He collapses in the middle of the classroom, and wakes up in the hospital, which is where the scene I’d like to discuss begins.

Random question: where are all the doctors and nurses and patients??

After checking in with Mai, Sakuta finds Rio alone in the waiting room and sits beside her. He apologizes for the inconvenience, and they share some light-hearted banter before the conversation dies out. In the silence of the quiescent hospital ward, Futaba begins to voice an apology of her own. But Sakuta abruptly cuts her off. He’s close enough to Rio to know what she’s going to say: that she’s past the point of coming to terms with herself, even though she’s terrified of being left alone. No more tedious explanations—no more fighting the air—no more wrestling with the world.

“It’s all right if you hate yourself, really,” he reassures her.

This is the beacon that shines through Rio’s situation; this is the light that cuts through her darkness. All this time Rio’s been frustrated because she’s at odds with herself: Her longings are at war within her, and the results have been uglier than she ever expected. She longs for peace, but constantly lives without it: torn into two by her own self. Sakuta’s response to all this? “That’s just how things go.” There are no easy answers, after all. The solution, then, is to stop looking for answers and to live as best you can within the tension, savoring the moments of satisfaction along the way.

For Rio, that’s all she needs. She might be embedded in conflict, but she doesn’t have to fight for a peace that doesn’t exist. She can rest, confident that she’s surrounded by friends who will support her through the struggle. This is the hope that Sakuta gives her, and it’s enough for her to press on.

Or is it?

Before I continue, let me make something clear: there’s so much about Sakuta’s response to Rio’s situation that I appreciate. I don’t at all want to downplay his generous compassion to Rio, or the timely wisdom he has for her. Besides, most of what he says makes sense. We do live in a world where conflict is inevitable, and we feel the weight of that bearing on our souls. We long for peace, but we constantly live without it, torn into two by our own selves. So the solution then is to stop looking for answers, because there aren’t any, and to live with the tension—right?

Perhaps, in the world of Bunny Girl Senpai, that logic follows. But in our world, there’s a better way.3 For the world that we live in wasn’t meant to be this way. We weren’t meant to live with conflict; we weren’t meant to live with depression; we weren’t meant to live with self-hatred. Instead, we were created to live in peace and unity: unity within ourselves, unity with God, and unity with others.

But sin entered into the world through one man, and death through sin. We live in a dying world. So, in some sense, it’s correct to say that conflict is natural—our world is dying, and conflict’s the natural consequence of that. But in some sense, that perspective’s terribly warped, because it fails to acknowledge that conflict is unnatural; it goes against what this world was created for. Our hearts long for peace and restoration because that’s what we were meant to long for. We were meant to rest in God, to find our peace in him.

And—thanks be to God!—because of the self-sacrificial love of Christ on the cross, we who were once far away from God have been brought near to him. We have been reconciled to God through Christ. And since we’ve been reconciled to God, we’ve been reconciled in ourselves. The deepest longings in our hearts for peace can be fulfilled when we give ourselves over to the God who created us as children of peace.

Honestly, though? If I were in Sakuta’s place, I doubt I could give Rio a much better hope than he gave her. I’m still a part of this broken world; I can tend to forget to be sensitive to others’ struggles for the sake of my own theological formulas. So take these next words as spoken in humility, spoken by someone who’s still learning to show the grace Sakuta shows others.

If I were to change one thing about that phrase I highlighted earlier, I’d have it read like this: “It shouldn’t be all right if you hate yourself.” Rio, you shouldn’t have to live with constant emotional turmoil and shame. You shouldn’t have to stifle your desire for peace. You don’t have to hate yourself. There’s a better hope: for you and for all of us.

And to anyone reading this who sympathizes with Rio’s story, know that this is for you, too. You shouldn’t have to live with your own self-hatred and shame, always coping with reality but never being able to accept it. You weren’t meant to live that way. You were made to live in peace and holiness.

And though you might struggle with your brokenness now, know that there’s a hope on the horizon. Though the waters might toss and turn, there’s a beacon in the darkness, shining out over the waves. There’s a savior who charted a path over the perilous seas, who shed his blood to preserve it for eternity. And if you seek him—seek the comfort that is his—you will certainly find it.

=====

Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai can be streamed on Funimation.

1 To clarify, I’m not claiming that discussions like these will “cure” these deep mental and emotional issues. But they do create an environment where the healing process can begin. 2 One of the reasons I love this arc is how piercingly it addresses the issues surrounding depression, and self-hatred in particular. I relate to Rio’s struggle in so many ways: her anger at her own sin, her indulgence in that sin as a form of punishment, and her tiredness over the whole ordeal. It’s something that I could write an entirely separate article about. But again, I digress. 3 And, I’d argue, if there’s a better way in our own world, there’s a better way in the worlds we create, worlds which resemble our own longings and hopes.

#Anime #Christianity #Seishun Buta Yarou wa Bunny Girl Senpai no Yume wo Minai #Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai #Hope #Depression #Articles #Author: sleepminusminus

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charmedseoull · 3 years

Text

The Aftermath of Fanfiction Authors with Reba Interview

Before You Read the Interview

I contacted Reba after she posted a Reddit thread titled “When a fic becomes too popular and the author deletes their account and/or work. Explained.” on a throwaway account. We discussed details of the interview during December over email, then started the interview in January. This interview is not associated with a project and is its own independent work. Reba has chosen to remain anonymous.

She provides insight on potential reasons to why fanfiction authors abandon their work from the perspective of a fanfiction reader. She also answered general fandom questions and questions about herself so readers could understand her background.

Charmedseoul is a BTS-focused anonymous historian who documents fandom history using Fanlore. If you would like to be interviewed to help document perspectives in fandom, please contact her on Twitter @charmedseoul or on Tumblr @charmedseoull.

Parts of this interview have been edited with links to Fanlore and Wikipedia pages for understanding. Any information in [brackets] serves for further clarity for readers and elaboration of information.

Now presenting the interview with Reba, long-time fanfiction reader and participant in fandom:

When did you first join fandom culture?

I joined fandom culture in 2014. I feel like fandoms really peaked during this time. [Presence of SuperWhoLock and other Tumblr specific fandoms.]

What fandoms are you in? How have your experiences in them been?

I will be honest and say fandom culture isn’t for me- so I can’t say I’m active in any fandoms (I’m just a silent consumer) but growing up I was a fan of music artists mostly; Justin Bieber, Ariana Grande… I loved the IT 2017 movie adaptation for a long time (I still do), and early 2020 is when I got into BLACKPINK, then BTS. My experience with all of these has been good, and maybe that’s because I don’t see any of the drama and arguments online- but I don’t regret any of my past interests because they all made me happy at one point in time.

What do you like about fandoms?

What I like about fandoms is how happy it can make an individual; getting excited for a new music video, smiling at behind the scenes photos… it can bring someone a little joy if they are having a bad day.

What do you dislike about fandoms?

I don’t like stan culture at all; fandom drama, arguing on twitter with strangers to defend an artist who doesn’t even know you… it all seems toxic. While I'm sure healthy stanning does exist, I don't think it's easy to achieve at all.

How long have you been an ARMY? What are your opinions about the fandom? How has your experience in the fandom been?

I became an ARMY in early 2020 when Map of the Soul: 7 was released, so only a year. I really do like the fandom; ARMY is the only fandom I’ve seen where there are so many fans worldwide of all different ages, and that just shows how BTS and their music really is for everyone. There is so much BTS content that there’s never a dull day, so my experience in the fandom has been enjoyable!

Did you ever leave ARMY and take a break then come back?

I’ve never left ARMY, that being said, I’m a newbie and haven’t been here for long.

When did you first start reading fanfiction?

I have been exposed to fanfiction since 2014, but I wasn’t in any fandom back then and started reading fanfiction in 2017.

What do you think the purpose behind fanfiction is?

We mostly read for entertainment but there is definitely a purpose to fanfiction, as for all art. Fanfiction is a great thing for both reader and writers, it can be an outlet for many people, a way to experience things that you don't have a chance to experience in your own life. It also can be a good base ground for people who want to start writing, or for someone who finds reading huge paperback novels difficult. Fanfiction is so easily accessible, you can pull up a story to read or share your work at the press of a button.

As you’ve read fanfiction over the years, do you feel like anything about fanfiction has changed?

Yes! Fanfiction is taken a lot more seriously now, people who write fanfiction treat it like an actual novel with plotting and editing- the quality of fanfiction in general is a lot better. Fandom ships have also changed; when I was a teenager Harry Styles fanfictions were crazy popular, now the fanfics that seem to be more popular are BTS! So that just shows when music evolves, pretty much everything else does too.

As a reader, how do you view authors?

I'm always amazed by fanfic authors because they practically write whole novels for free. Writing can be such a personal thing, and it does take talent; there is a story the author wants to convey, and when a story is told in a beautiful way, it leaves a lasting impact on the reader. I’m sure that must be a euphoric feeling for the author- it means they told their story, and they did it well.

Do you think many other readers share the same view as you?

No, not at all. There are readers out there who don’t really think about the time and effort authors put into their stories. I’ve seen readers expect so much, and criticise something so little. It’s sad- people should be able to write whatever they want, writing is supposed to encourage creativity. Authors shouldn’t have to fear backlash for doing just that. Being creative.

Why do you think so many authors delete/orphan their work after it gains popularity?

When a story gains popularity- it attracts good and bad attention alike. Unfortunately the negative affects us a lot more, it’s just human nature. While authors do put their work out there, I don’t think they are ever prepared for their stories to become so popular. I am sure it is overwhelming and that’s why authors feel the need to distance themselves from it all and delete/orphan their work.

What stories prompted you to start thinking about why authors delete/orphan their works?

I read a story called mixtape (IT movie) and I was around long enough to see chapters be uploaded each week. I also saw the struggles the author went through when their fanfic began to rise in popularity, which eventually led to the story being completely deleted from the internet. So I thought this could have been a one-off since I hadn’t read many fanfictions. I then moved onto BTS fanfiction and decided to read the most talked about ones first, only to see a lot of them were by orphaned accounts (so not just a one-off occurrence!). House of Cards by sugamins was the one that got me thinking, I thought “why would somebody not want to be associated with this amazing writing?!” That’s when I began to do some research and stumbled across your interview with the author!

How do you think backlash for a work harms an authors mental health?

An immense amount of feedback, positive or negative, can take a toll on one person. A lot of authors can be reserved people and they write because they are passionate, as an outlet or just a hobby. So when their work does receive backlash it can be very upsetting- it could make them doubt their reasons and capabilities and affect an author so much they might stop writing all together.

How do you think some authors manage their mental health and not delete a work?

This is a hard question because everyone deals with backlash differently. I know some authors who are not bothered by backlash and they choose to ignore it and move on with their day, and then there are other authors who are more anxious and have to put a lot of measures in place to protect their mental health; from your interview with sugamins they explain how they didn’t want to destroy their work, just distance themselves from it, so that’s always an option.

Taking time away from social media and getting enough rest, it is important to not neglect your well-being. Finding a way to cope when you feel low; animals tend to ground me and improve my mental health- they are loving and don’t judge you for who you are. Maybe you cope by talking with friends, or listening to your favourite song. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it helps.

At what point with mental health do you think authors start to consider deletion/orphaning?

I think an author starts to consider deleting/orphaning their work when it completely consumes them. It is not healthy to be fixated on something that is no longer bringing you happiness, you need to let it go. If you are an author reading this, just know you are not your feedback, it doesn’t define your existence, okay? Fanfiction should add to your life, not take away from it.

Why do you think some readers invade an authors privacy?

Sometimes, people care more about the author than the work they have created. So when a fanfic has deeply touched a reader and helped them through so much, they want to reach out in any way and tell them so- this can be invasive if the reader is not careful about their approach.

How do you think authors manage this privacy invasion?

Stopping it before it happens; not using your real name, having a separate account for writing, don’t link social media accounts in your works etc. If privacy has already been compromised and a reader is making the author uncomfortable, then disabling comments on their works, making a new social media or changing their accounts to private would be smart. Just knowing how to keep safe online.

At what point with privacy invasion do you think authors start to consider deletion/orphaning?

When you are at risk of being doxed. I think when readers are going as far as finding authors’ personal accounts and messaging their friends- anything along those lines is scary and the reader is going from a supporter to an intrusive stranger real fast.

Why do you think anonymity is important for fanfiction writing?

When your full name is attached to everything you do, people have a very easy way to get back to you. This is why authors keep an anonymous profile, and it is important readers respect that. Most authors don’t want their family, friends, employer etc to see that sort of stuff. It is completely okay to remain professional and keep fanfiction writing separate from personal life.

Do you think fanfiction writing should stay free? Do you think authors should be paid for their work?

I do think fanfiction writing should stay free on the sites they originate from (AO3 for example). However, if the author wants to take their work elsewhere to earn money then I don’t see an issue in that. I am glad you mention copyright law with fanfiction in particular because the author of mixtape (the fanfiction I mentioned earlier) tried to self publish their work while keeping canon names, the author tried to justify it as a parody work and everyone was so concerned that they reported the book until it got removed. I have seen stories on Wattpad become published books to purchase, however, the names had been changed to original characters- I think this seems like a much more logical move to avoid any legal repercussions.

As a reader, how has an author’s work connected with you personally?

I have had works connect with me on a personal level, one in particular is Somebody To Love by LOVERVMINS (orphaned). My standards are impossibly high after reading that fanfic and I don’t think I will ever come across something so beautiful again. Somebody To Love is a taekook fic that was uploaded to AO3 in 2019, the author ended up deleting all their works but thankfully left this particular story up. I was immediately captured by the incredible writing and unique plot; the story of two lovers who were never meant for each other, but destiny found its way anyway… I apologise in advance for how long this summary (with spoilers) is, but I think my thoughts are proof of how this story has connected with me so much!

(Spoilers for Somebody to Love by LOVERVMINS. Please feel free to scroll to the next bolded question to avoid spoilers.)

In this story, Taehyung is a successful lawyer while Jungkook is just a student, despite the difference in status and wealth, they are intrigued by one another from the very start. After meeting Taehyung, Jungkook is left feeling confused about himself, the internalised homophobia is strong to begin with but as the chapters progress Jungkook goes from someone who is afraid of society and what people may think, to strong and outspoken. Taehyung plays a fundamental part in this, because if Jungkook were to never meet Taehyung, he wouldn’t have realised who he really was, he wouldn’t have been brave enough to discover his sexuality and fall in love in a time where it was so unaccepting. Taehyung is bold and confident on the surface, giving little regard for anybody other than himself, but his concern for others soon changes after he meets Jungkook, he becomes a better man. He could have had his heart desires- but Taehyung was no longer selfish from those few months he spent with Jungkook, so he stayed with his wife to be a good father.

Taehyung makes Jungkook promise him he will find somebody to love (hence the title), and he does, Jungkook finds somebody to love and he is happy- Taehyung finds this out when they unexpectedly meet a few years later, this is the final time Jungkook and Taehyung see each other… but knowing Jungkook is happy, leaves Taehyung happy.

There are different kinds of love, some last forever, and some just for a chapter of your life. It is clear Jungkook was Taehyung’s forever. And I don’t think Jungkook’s love for Taehyung ever went away, he just found another kind of love like he had promised. Jungkook had to live his life; he couldn’t wait for Taehyung, to leave his marriage in the unforeseeable future, or watch him raise his kids from afar, this shows that even if society were accepting, their circumstances were too far gone- if only they met sooner, or in another life. It makes you imagine a world where they could have been together, it makes you think beyond the story even when it’s ended.

It has been a month or two since I read LOVERVMINS work, and I still feel a pang in my chest every time I think of Taehyung’s letter for Jungkook in the epilogue.

Why do you think others think they have the right to know an authors personal information?

I think in this day and age, everything about a person is on show, so people just expect that sort of information from you. Authors appreciate feedback- but they don't know the reader, their family or what they do for fun. Vice versa. You only see a small glimpse into the authors life, and the stuff you see is what they feel comfortable enough to show. That should be enough.

Do you consider writing an art form?

I do consider writing an art form. Writing is like painting an image in the readers mind. I think it is better than visual art because when you are reading a story, not everyone is going to envision the exact same thing, it is up to the imagination. I think that is what makes it so beautiful- we all collectively love a story, yet, we somehow interpret it differently.

Why do you think Archive of Our Own is the ideal platform for fanfiction writing?

I think Archive of Our Own is ideal for fanfiction writing because they give you many options with your work so you are comfortable- it is easy to remove comments, delete an account, or orphan works while keeping your account etc. It is important authors get control of what happens to their work if they want to leave and go in a different direction.

Do you think other fanfiction writing platforms like Fanfiction.net and Wattpad are ideal or lacking?

I think Wattpad is ideal for younger audiences; it’s more visual with book covers and the layout in general is more appealing, I also feel like the stories on there are targeted for pre-teens. When I first got into fanfiction, I did start on Wattpad because it was easier to navigate. I look back now though and do think it is lacking in terms of quality, a lot of the stories are written for shock value and don’t really make much sense because of that. It is hard to find a story on Wattpad that ticks all the boxes (but not impossible). Wattpad also had a breach with data last summer and everyone’s emails got pwned so that made a lot of people move to AO3. I have never used Fanfiction.net so unfortunately I can’t speak for that one. Overall, AO3 has much more content, you can find a story with ease once you know how to use the site.

How has fanfiction writing affected the people in your personal life?

How did you find out that your sister is writing fanfiction?

My sister wrote a Harry Styles fanfic in 2014 which gathered around half a million reads on Wattpad, she got comments from people telling her how much her fanfic has impacted their lives pretty much every day. My sister and I are close and we share the same friends, I noticed when we would have sleepovers she was always on her phone and never paid attention to the movies we were watching. I think all the numbers did affect her for a moment and it wasn’t until my sister started her exams that she realised she had to put her concentration into those to pass, that’s how she came to the decision to delete the story. I asked her recently if she regrets deleting it and she told me she doesn’t at all, she now looks back and doesn’t think her writing was good back then. So I think that shows authors do know what they’re doing and what is best for them in the long run.

My sister had a one direction fan account on Instagram that had 100k+ followers (insane!), she was always open with her interests and I found out she started writing fanfiction through that account.

What personal reasons do you think authors have for deleting/orphaning works?

The list is endless; maybe the author wrote the story in a bad time in their life and they want to delete it because it reminds them of that time, they could have left the fandom, or they simply do not like their story anymore- they grew up and know they can do so much better. It is okay for an author to grow apart from their work, it shows they are growing as a person too.

Why do you think authors get backlash from writing dark themes?

I think authors receive backlash from writing dark themes because it can be triggering for some and can bring up unpleasant memories.

What do you think are the responsibilities of an author when writing dark themes?

A safe bet would be to tag anything relating to abuse (physical, emotional, etc), mental illness (eating disorders, self harm, suicide, etc), graphic violence and rape/sexual assault. That’s what comes to mind. And if a trigger occurs only in a certain chapter, then having an additional warning in the chapter notes would be helpful.

What do you think are the responsibilities of a reader when reading dark themes?

If dark subjects are included in the tags, don’t read the story if it could trigger you. It is as simple as that. People decide to read the fanfic then get mad at the author for triggering them. I am not trying to insult anybody who has triggers, maybe they read a story and their specific trigger was never mentioned in the additional tags… this is what the ‘chose not to archive warnings’ box is for, with this option, it is handled in AO3’s FAQ that major tags are not necessary. In shirt, this means there may be triggering content in the fic that is not disclosed by the author. Plus, there is usually a pop up banner before you click on a story which reads ‘this work could have adult content. if you proceed you have agreed that you are willing to see such content’. There are so many warnings, you can’t miss them. It is a case of reading at your own risk, you can’t blame the author if you do not like the result.

Do you think authors are facing too much pressure from readers about what themes they write?

I do think authors face unnecessary pressure with the themes they write; they are put on such a pedestal that when they write something that isn’t what the audience want, they receive a lot of negative criticism. Authors, no matter what themes you are writing, there is no need to worry if you are writing for yourself and putting out the content you set out to create.

Why do you think authors write dark themes?

Dark themes are simply an exploration of difficult emotions along with unpleasant events or consequences. Authors write dark themes because it serves a narrative purpose. And authors don’t have to be ‘dark’ people or experience all of these unsettling things to write such content.

Why do you think readers read dark themes?

Dark themes are not for everyone, I personally don’t think there are enough dark works out there. I read dark themes because it interests me more, I want to know how the characters are going to cope with the consequences, or heal from the trauma. Other readers might prefer dark themes for the graphic content, this is fine too. Fictional violence is not real- we all know this, so there is no reason to be terrified.

Why do you think so many authors want to have their work get popular?

People may disagree, but I think it has a lot to do with validation. Subconsciously, authors want people to like their work- a rise in popularity means readers are seeing the authors work, and hopefully taking enjoyment from it. This isn’t a bad thing as long as you realise validation does not equal self-worth. There are people out there who write and do not gain much attention, but that doesn’t stop them from posting their work anyway.

Do you think a work’s popularity is important?

I personally don’t. I read a range of fanfictions- some are super popular, others are not. It is the content I am more interested in, not how many hits/views it has.

Should we judge authors for deleting/orphaning their work?

Not at all! I am sure authors have thought long and hard before coming to their decision.

How should we view situations where authors delete/orphan their work?

For a reader, it can be upsetting when authors delete/orphan their work, especially if there is no possibility of reading that story again. However, we need to show compassion and view the situation from the authors perspective; gaining popularity on a fanfic isn't as pleasant as it might seem, it is much more complicated than that. A lot of feedback, both good and bad, can be overwhelming. Mental health is important, and if that means distancing yourself from something so popular, then it must be done. Privacy can be compromised, people in your real life might find out you write these stories and not be accepting, or readers become invasive which is a scary situation to be in. And a mixture of personal reasons, people are allowed to grow and change and want to distance themselves from things they are no longer proud of.

What do you think authors should be aware of in case their work does get popular?

This is a good question… I think authors need to be aware that with good feedback, also comes bad feedback. You cannot please every single person on this earth, but that is not your job- so do not take it personally.

Do you have any last messages to readers of this interview?

I want to thank you in particular, Charm. This interview is probably the coolest thing I’ll ever get to do for the BTS fandom and I’m so grateful that our paths crossed so we could create this interview together. You are such a kind soul and it has been a pleasure from start to finish.

For the authors reading this interview; I am just a reader, but I do understand how it can be hard for you to continue on when you are going through so many struggles readers don’t get to see. Just know you are appreciated, and you are supported no matter what you decide to do with your works in the future. Having popular works shouldn’t feel like a burden, there are blessings hidden in there- you have made readers feel a rollercoaster of emotions with your talent, you are able to engage with readers around the world, and you have created a beautiful story from nothing… you did that!

For the silent readers like myself: let the authors of your favourite work know how much you loved it (in a respectful way) before it is too late! I so wish I had the chance to tell the author of Somebody To Love how their story broke my heart then healed it again. Treasure the fanfictions you love because they very well could be gone tomorrow!

Thank you for reading this interview. Further below are reminders and information about this interview and Charmedseoul’s Fanlore projects.

Reba has chosen to remain anonymous. No social media or information about her will be released publicly.

This interview was conducted through email from January 31, 2021 to February 1, 2021 with Reba’s consent and protections under Fanlore’s Identity Protection policies and the posting website’s privacy policies. Unauthorized reposting of this interview is forbidden.

Due to the casual nature of this interview, repost of this interview is strictly prohibited. Linking and sharing is appreciated. Translation and unauthorized repost of this interview is forbidden.

Thank you for reading. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask and I will do my best to answer them.

#bts #bangtan sonyeondan #fandom #fandom meta #fandom interview #fandom interviews #fanlore #charmedseoul #charmedseoul interviews #fanfiction #fanfiction author #fanfic #fanfiction meta #fanfic meta

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fairydust-stuff · 4 years

Text

Tape Banana Ash & Yut Lung fan fiction

Warning this is a hurt comfort fic with implied Non con and Major character death though no more then the actual show. It also has one of the most fluffy dark endings, i've written.

“ Ah Mr Lee what a pleasant surprise,might i ask the reason for this call”

Ash, Eiji, Ibe and Max are huddled around taking advantage of the fact Ash bugged Golzine’s private phone while he was in the manor so now they could hear all of his calls. They heard a couple about Banana Fish but this one was interesting to say the least.

“ You know exactly why I'm calling…..” Yut Lung sounds on the verge of a breakdown. Ash would be lying if he wasn’t enjoying hearing him squirm.

“ I see you received my video then” Golzine says casually.

“ There’s no need for this…. sneakiness between allies” Yut Lung argues.

“ This of it as a lesson an elder educating a youngster on proper respect,” Golzine replies.

“ I apologize if my pursuing Ash without your leave offended you in any way” Yut Lung was all charm.

“ All is forgiven as long as you’ve learned to be a little less arrogant” Golzine promises.

“ I’ll try it appears i have much to learn,” Yut Lung says with forced humbleness.

“ I want complete use of your men, you don’t get involved unless I call for you. Also i want more frequent meetings between us” Golzine demands.

“ Of course and i presume this mishap will go away?” Yut Lung presses

“ Yut Lung you shouldn’t presume anything” there’s a cruel glee in Golzine’s tone.

The group disengages at the dial tone.

“ So Golzine has some kind of black mail material on him now, that’s karma” Max laughs.

Eiji is wearing that cute devilish grin of his.

“ Maybe he got caught embezzling funds from the foundation. Either way it may reveal some weakness we can exploit” Ash says

“Can you hack him?” Ibe asks

Ash smiles darkly “ Oh i can do better” he dials a number on his phone

“ Hello Sing, you wouldn’t happen to know Yut Lung’s password for his private account?”

“ Try Cao Zhi, he’s one of Yut Lung’s favorite poets,” Sing suggested. Ash did, nothing “ Anything else?” he asked

“ Song of Everlasting Sorrow?” Sing said with a shrug

“ Still nothing” Ash responds.

“ Despair and Courage” said Sing after a moment.

“ Bingo, thanks Sing!” Ash said

“ After what he did to my guys, i want to see that shit fall” Sing said.

Ash hangs up taking note of some stuff to check out later he finds the video and clicks on it.

Golzine and what appears to be Yut Lung ranting around his own dining room clearly drunk.

“ That’s the blackmail” Ash feels very disappointed

“ Given how arrogant that guy is it does make sense” Eiji says.

“ Maybe we can get a few laughs out of it” says Max, trying to look on the bright side.

“ Or at least something to annoy him next time he kidnaps me” Eiji brings up.

“ Woah a drunk little cat” one of Dino’s men cackles

“ Not a cat, i’m a snake” Yut Lung hisses at Dino, the group laughs.

“ Do you always consume this much wine?” Golzine asks pleasantly

“ i feel sad a lot” Yut Lung replies “ wine make it better,” he adds with a bitter laugh.

“ Why are you sad?” Golzine asks in a concerned tone

“ I don’t like Eiji, stupid, Eiji” he pouts.

“ Oh” Golzine says.

“ You stare a lot, your old enough to be my grandpa. Dad old enough to be mom’s grandpa” Yut Lung laughs again bitterly.

“ Your mother was young then” Golzine says

“ Where’s Sing?” He asked quietly

“ He abandoned you for Ash” Golzine says with false sympathy.

“ I liked Sing” Yut Lung says “ Why Sing leave me for Ash” he whispers.

“ Ash is better then you”Golzine says patiently then goes on a rant about Ash as his wonderful creation that makes Ash want to break the screen.

“ hate him for it” Yut Lung admits “ i kinda like him” he adds.

“ You like Ash?” Golzine asks

“ He doesn’t like me” Yut Lung says somberly he stumbles and Golzine catches him.

“ Easy there lets sit down” he leads a wobbly Yut Lung to the large sofa.

Where Blanca?” Yut Lung asks him

“ You dismissed him you were angry, he only wanted to help Ash” Golzine says.

“ I want Blanca” Yut Lung tries to leave the parlor and one of Golzine’s goons locks the doors. “ Let me ou….” One of Dino’s men covers his mouth and drags him back to the couch

“ Now, we were having fun. Here you like wine right” Dino pours him another glass. Ash suddenly feels a pit in his stomach suddenly remembering that Yut Lung is younger than him by at least two years. Why the hell did that never occur to him till now.

“ I don’t like you” Yut Lung insists but he takes another glass, his hands shake slightly.

“ So your a pretty liar then” Golzine says, taking one of his hands and rubbing it against his face. Yut Lung yanks it out of his grip.

Golzine looks at him amused “ I prefer you like this, you're usually so cold and aloft ” he says.

“ I wanna go” Yut Lung tries to get up but Golzine pushes him down.

“ Shhhhh” he undoes Yut Lungs hair, the camera zooms in it hits Ash one of Dino’s creeps is filming, this was planned.

“ No brothers dead no more” Yut Lungs tries to shove him off.

“ Your not strong like Ash just a trembling, broken mess” Golzine smiles viciously “ I saw through your little mask from the beginning” he pauses “ I was going to let you keep it, as long as you played nice but you had to be a brat”

“ Here hold the camera” says a cold voice Ash feels a chill run down his spine at the sound of the man from the gay bar. He’s wearing a mask but Ash knows that voice anywhere.

“ Get away from me! H…..” Yut Lung goes ballistic at the sight of him, Dino gags him.

“ Mr Golzine that makes it less fun” The man complains.

“His men are outside as long as he doesn’t call they won’t come.” Golzine says. “ Its the Lee way to only obey direct orders”

“ I’m afraid Mr Lee I'm the reason you're in this predicament, see Mr Golzine wanted to get back at you and as someone who’s observed his allies. I noticed your quite the alcoholic, I prompted him to take advantage of your vice” he purrs, touching the boys cheek. Yut Lung tries to bite him.

“ Incredible so much viciousness in something so delicate and soft to the touch” the man says.

“ He’s nothing compared to Ash Lynx” Golzine scoffs.

“ Still, I will enjoy him, why limit myself to one type of prey?” the man smiles savagely “ And after i’m done with him you’ll be aching for his tight little body”

“ True” Golzine laughs “ I love nothing more than a beautiful boy in distress”

Max slams his hand on the pause button looking furious. This knocks Ash out of horrified stupor enough to close the laptop completely.

No one says a dam word awkward silence fills the room. Ash should have suspected he knew Dino but Yut Lung had always seemed so icy and vicious, un touchable.

“ He’s like you” Cain and Sing had said. Maybe Ash had projected too much of his own unstoppable raging beast onto the other boy. Yut Lung had worn the mask well better then even Ash ever had. Everyone looked at each other waiting for someone to say something.

“ Its all my fault” Eiji gasps “ At the manor the night Shorter died, Dino had me and Yut Lung in his bed he was going to…….but then the phone rang” he tears up “ I was so confused he seemed so calm about it…..i didn’t understand”

“ Eiji its not your fault” Ibe insisted.

“ I didn’t want to understand!” Eiji says quietly.

“ Its mine, I knew he was like me,” Ash confessed. “ That’s why its so easy for me to hate him” the blond confesses.

“ No! It's no one's fault but the bastards who touched you! My god at least fifteen in Golzine’s bed. I don’t even want to think about how young he started doing that” Max exclaimed. Ash calls up Sing again “ Hey did you find anything” the boy asks

“ I want it gone, take your guys break into Golzine’s manor delete, smash every trace of that video” Ash orders.

“ Did that snake capture Eiji again?” Sing sighs.

“ No its just a really bad video Sing, one i would never use against an enemy” Ash insists.

“ That bad huh?” Sing replies. “ Ash did someone hurt Yut Lung?” he asked tightly

“ You sound almost concerned,” Ash says.

“ I know he hurt my guys but i just don’t like the thought of anyone harming him” Sing confessed. Ash flashed back to a drunken Yut Lung asking for Sing.

“ i think several people hurt him” Ash says after a moment

“ I think so too” Sing said sadly. “ I’ll get my guys on it” he added...

Ash cannot distract himself from waiting for the phone call confirming the mission was a success. He practically jumps to answer the phone when it rings “ Confirmed?” He asks quickly.

“ We ran into some trouble. Golzine increased his security since we last broke in, then Blanca showed up. He really saved our asses. Yut Lung sent him to do exactly what we were doing” Sing explained “ That guy is so cool!” the fourteen year old starts rambling about Blanca.

Of course Yut Lung wouldn’t just take his assault lying down like a good boy. He'd act sweet and submissive then use his resources to gain the upper hand. We really are quite similar.

“ Did you get everything?” Ash asks a bit impatiently

“ Yeah do you want the camera?” Sing asks seriously

“ Yes” Ash says after a moment. “ Sing do you know Yut Lung’s number?” he asked

Sing tells him and Ash dials.

“ Blanca is that you?” Yut Lung asks tentatively

“ Its Ash, I have your camera” Ash here’s a sharp exhale on the other end of the line.

“ At least your demands won’t be as heinous as Golzine’s” Yut Lung sounds more calm now. “ Banana fish? Me to leave Eiji alone? Use of my men? Helping you disappear?” he lists

“ A meeting” Ash says

“ Alright makes more sense to do it in person” Yut Lung responds casually. They set a time and a place…

“ Welcome Ash Lynx normally i’d greet you in the parlor but….” Yut Lung trails off.

“ You can't step foot in that room without flashbacks” Ash realizes as he stands in the dining room.

“ Please sit can i get you a drink or would you like to proceed?” Yut Lung asks

Ash hands him the camera Yut Lung gapes at him in silence. “ You’d give up your leverage for nothing” he says quietly.

“ When i was ten i had several of these videos. I’d have given anything for one person not to have put them up” Ash responds.

Yut Lung takes the camera and says “ Well at least this inconvenience is over with?” his tone is light.

“ What happened last night was not an inconvenience, it was rape and its happened to you and i multiple times” Ash states bluntly.

“ Stop ok, it was just something that happens in our world!” Yut Lung insists

“ That doesn’t make it right” Ash argues.

“ It was my fault, I shouldn't have gotten drunk around Papa Dino” Yut Lung says brokenly.

“ I ran away from home and accepted a ride from a stranger. We all make mistakes, sometimes those mistakes are costly. That doesn’t mean the bastards that hurt us aren’t the ones responsible” Ash argues.

“ I think this is the most we’ve said to each other” Yut Lung says thoughtfully.

Ash looks at him “ Want to smash the camera?” he asked

“ Together, for your ten year old self” Yut Lung responds.

“ Together, one, two three!” The two of them hurl the camera as hard as they can at the walls and proceed to stomp on it until the lens cracks and the frame breaks.

Then Ash’s phone rings “ Hello?” he asks

“ You little Lynx retrieving my camera like that” Golzine chuckles.

“ I’m not giving it to you bastard” Ash says calmly putting him on speaker.

“ No no hold on to your leverage just like I taught you. Do you want a piece of the action? I know how you like Asian boys” Dino continues.

“ Hello this is a piece of the action” Yut Lung says in his soft voice then he holds the phone up to the glass which he crushes under his foot.

“ You smashed up my camera you little whore!” Golzine growled

“ Considering your so hungry that you have to tie down young boys to get action. I’d say your the one who cannot go without” Ash taunts.

“ i hope you got something good out of it” Golzine grumbles.

“ I got nothing from it” Ash informs him.

“ But that’s not….”

“ Not what you’d do. You may have raised and fucked him up and i’ll admit some of your terrible teachings rubbed off on him, but Ash is not you. He’ll never be the kind of person who takes advantage of boys like me” Yut Lung said cooly.

Ash looked at him in surprise.

“ Looks like the kitten grew some claws” Golzine laughed “ You weren’t so gutsy last night, though you did make a lot of noise” he taunts.

“ So you molested me, so what? You and half of New York. I had claws long before then. If I didn't have claws I wouldn't have found a way to get through every abuse, you pathetic old perverts threw at me. I simply learned to sharpen the claws, i was born with” Yut Lung said boldly. Ash watched his face change into something darker

“ You have no claws, you're a sad old man chasing a teenage boy. He latched onto because, he was unable to deal with his own morality. You're not Ash’s greatest enemy, creator or father. You're just a pathetic little groupie obsessed with an idol. Since the Ash in your head doesn’t exist, the fact he chose to save me proves it”

“ I’ll kill you!” Golzine roars

“ Your not worthy of killing me” Yut Lung’s voice dripped with disdain, then he casually hung up on Golzine.

“ Did you just?” Ash was stunned

“ You’ve been feeding Dino’s ego this whole time with your campaign against him. I grew up with egoistic people , i’ve learned how their minds work” Yut Lung replied.

“ He still has to die” Ash pointed out.

“ I have an idea” Yut Lung said “ I need you to contact Blanca” he adds…

“ Rather rough Blanca” Yut Lung chides at the sight of a beaten Golzine hanging limply on the wall.

“ I failed to protect you just like i failed Ash” Blanca said remorsefully.

“ You helped me get the tape, you were there when it counted” Yut Lung put a hand on his arm.

“ Jeez Yue could you be more obvious!” Sing rolled his eyes

“ You're one to talk practically drooling in Ash’s wake” Yut Lung responded.

“ Sure you're not projecting?” Sing asks The two of them bicker until they're interrupted by Golzine’s groan.

“ Heeello!” Ash waves in a sarcastic cutesy way.

“ Ah so the creation destroys its creator and takes his place to build a great legacy” Golzine gloats.

“ Hi you piece of shit i’m Sing soo Ling” Sing says smacking his fists together

“ Doesn’t ring a bell” he said.

“ Shorter Wong was my cousin,” Sing said.

“ You mean that stupid street punk with the mowhawk” Golzine tastes his own blood. Sing gears up for another punch.

Yut Lung pulls Ash toward the door “ Come on Ash lets go get some ice cream” the blond looks at him as if he’s crazy but see’s the younger give him a trust me look. Then starts to follow him out.

“ What are you doing Ash? Your going to end me right?” Ash almost turns his head in Golzine's direction.

“ Keep walking” Yut Lung mutters Ash obeys him.

“ Ash isn’t going to be killing you, i am” Sing says, punching him again.

“ What i’m the great King Pin of New york, that’s all i get ended by some punk?” Golzine asks “ Ash, Ash?”

Ash continues to follow Yut Lung toward the door “ i overpowered you, i beat you down, i made you!” Golzine yells “ where are you going, you drunken slut?” he demands.

Yut Lung continues to lead Ash out “ You're not even going to watch, i’m your greatest enemy and you don’t even want to watch my demise?” Golzine asks

Yut Lung pauses“ Ash, i just remembered i have a hair appointment, we can do ice cream afterwards right?” he asked

“ Of course Yut Lung” Ash says then opens the door. “ Hair appointments, ice cream Ash Ash Ash Ash!” the blond slams the door shut.

“ I cann’t believe that worked” Ash says as a gunshot echoes from the other side of the door.

“ I told you, people with big ego’s hate being ignored” Yut Lung collapses against the door with relief, his face tight with tension, his body shaking.

“ You were really bothered by seeing him huh” Ash says.

“ I can still feel him all over” Yut Lung says “ I can even taste him” there’s a look of broken revulsion on his face. “ I couldn’t let him win through,” the younger boy insists.

“ You did good” Ash informs him.

“ He won’t be the last, there're so many bastards in our world and i’m trapped here with them. I tried to become like you, fierce, ruthless to never look back or hesitate. No matter what i still end up helpless at the mercy of some bigger beast” Yut Lung confesses.

“ Is that why you want me to kill you?” Ash asked him

“ You have a chance at freedom, that's why I hate you!” Yut Lung confesses tears drip down his cheek. “ You have the power to live freely, no matter what. My blood is always going to tie me to this Family. The only way i’m leaving this life is in a box”

Ash turns to him “ You can be the youngest mafia boss to retire in history. In exchange you stop tormenting Eiji and everyone” the blond stresses.

“ But how would i live? As much as i hate it, i’m codependent on my family’s wealth” Yut Lung admits.

" Leave that to me" Ash promises...

" i cann't believe i'm taking Yut Lung Lee to Japan?" Eiji sighs

" He'll blend in better then i would" Ash points out. " Lots of Chinese people live in Japan its not that unsual"

" He hates me and i'm not exactly fond of him either" Eiji points out.

" Too bad because i was thinking of adopting him" Ash says

Eiji stares at him in horror " don't even joke about that" he shutters.

" You get to boss him around big brother Eiji" Ash says.

" Since when did i agree to that?" Yut Lung scowls clutching his luggage a very small portion of the things he owned. He'd have to get used to the simple life, Eiji told him cheerfully.

" You go to Japan your under Eiji's care, so you have to obey him and Ibe" Ash says.

" What if they do something stupid like make friends with the Yakuza?" Yut Lung asks

" If that happens you are in change until i get there" Ash agrees after a long pause.

" Thank you Ash, for everything" Yut Lung tells him sincerely before stepping onto the train that will take them to the air port.

" I have to sort out some things here, then i'll join you two" Ash promises. He stands there and waves good bye to both of them.

" Don't be too long, i may start experimenting with putting certain herbs in Eiji Chan's tea" Yut Lung yells out the window!

" i heard that you little shit!" Eiji yells back

Ash laughs then turns and walks back to his concrete playground his phone rings " Hey honey just finishing up skinning a Foxx" the man says cheerfully.

" Good " Ash hisses.

" Need anything else while i'm in town?" Blanca asked him

" i need your help with persuading a certain Chinese crime organization to let the head of the Lee family retire early, without a bullet to the head, got any ideas?" Ash asks him

#Banana Fish #fanfiction #Yut Lung & Ash Lynx #implied noncon #Ash and Yut Lung team up #standing up to papa Dino #protective Blanca #very protective angry Sing #Foxx gets what's coming to him as well

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oops-supercorptrash · 5 years

Text

4x17 and Insight into 5x08

since tumblr deleted my post that i spent an HOUR working on, i have to rewrite it. I rewatched 4x17 and i feel like it really gives some insight into why Lena responded to Kara the way she did, and why Alex treated Lena the way she did in 5x08. Spoilers for both episodes under the cut, obviously. Trigger warning for abuse.

The episode starts with Alex coming to rescue Lena after she was drugged by Lex and tied to her office chair. Alex and a DEO agent rush to Lena to ensure that she is safe and alive, and Alex unties her. The DEO agent then hands her a letter that is addressed “Lena”. Alex then leaves Lena and steps away to open and read the letter. Not only is this a violation of the Fourth Amendment as Alex is there under DEO orders and there is no probable cause to think that a document addressed to Lena on her work desk would be in any way related to her kidnapping, but it’s also a violation of Lena’s trust. Alex had no right to read something that was written to Lena, and Lena never even gets to read the actual letter. Also, one would think that Alex would be more concerned about her friend rather than a letter that can be read at any time.

Moving on, Kara returns to the DEO to offer her help searching for Lex. She and Alex decide to talk to Lena to try and get as much information about Eve as possible. When Kara turns to leave, however, Alex points out that Lena has been through trauma and she and Supergirl aren’t on the best of terms. Kara catches Brainy’s eye, who also looks sad for Kara’s damaged relationship with Lena, and agrees to let Alex go speak to Lena alone. Alex shows up at Lena’s office, goes inside, and reads a file off of Lena’s desk. Lena walks in and catches her, and Alex throws down the file and says “There you are. I went to look for you at the hospital and they said you already left.” Lena looks around at her scattered files and says, “I thought the FBI already went through all this. Have you changed your mind about me?”. Alex had no warrant, no probable cause, not even friendly justification behind searching through Lena’s files while she wasn’t there and not informed of the search. Alex didn’t even know Lena would be at her office. For all she knew, Lena would have made her way back to her apartment since she just went through a kidnapping. And Lena’s the one who apologizes when it was Alex going through her stuff!

Back peddling a bit, before Lena arrives at her office, she visits Lillian in prison. Lillian begins the meeting with, “The reports say you were knocked unconscious. You were always prone to migraines. Is your head okay?”. This instantly trivializes the trauma that Lena just went through, gaslighting her and making Lena feel as if she was dramatizing the entire ordeal. When Lena tries to cut through the bull, Lillian follows up with: “Do you have to be so emotional? It’s disappointing.” She again hits Lena where she knows will hurt her. To further drive home her point, Lillian hits her with “I know you’re upset Lex outsmarted you.” She even mocks that he hurt her “poor little heart”, to which Lena replies “Well, at least I have a heart.” Lillian brushes this off yet again, claiming it’s an overrated organ that’s been romanticized by poets and frivolous women. Lillian then questions why Lena never accepted Lex’s many offers to work with him. Lena instantly responds “I will never be on the same side as you and Lex.”. Lillian knows this, of course, but chooses to mock her again, saying “Of course not. The only side you’ll ever be on is the side of your friends.” pointing out the Danvers sisters as her first example. She continues, “Oh, what those besties would think if they knew what you’ve really been up to.” referring the weeks helping Lex and experimenting with the Harun-El. Keep in mind that Lillian is fully aware of Supergirl’s true identity. She’s beginning to drive the wedge between Kara, Supergirl, and Lena by pointing out that Supergirl will never forgive her for working with such a dangerous device and helping Superman’s worst enemy. Lillian is also playing on Lena’s fear of abandonment, something we know Lex has done many times in the past when they were growing up. Lillian knows Lena’s biggest fear is to be hated by her friends. “I can smell your fear, Lena. Doing everything in your power to make sure your friends never find out your complicity. They would hate you. Then you’d find yourself utterly alone. Again.” It’s obvious the tactic is working. Lena’s lip is trembling just slightly, and her eyes shine with tears. She lashes out, jumping up and snapping “This is foolish.” to try and claim that Lillian’s words have no effect on her. Tears nearly falling, Lena claims Lillian doesn’t know anything because Lex deserted her, too. But, with a smug smile, Lillian merely says, “I may be in prison, but I’m not the one who’s going to be deserted.” Knowing she’s lost, Lena turns and leaves before she can lose control of her emotions.

This is why Lena reacts to Kara’s secret in the way that she does. Lillian has spent most of Lena’s life convincing her that no one but the Luthors’ will want her, that she’s evil and all her friends hate her to keep her complacent and willing to help them with their nefarious plots. But Lena argues with her, claims that Kara and Alex would never hate her, that they’d never keep things from her. This is because out of all of their friends, Lena wanted Kara to be the one friend that proved Lillian wrong. That despite whatever Lillian said, Kara would never hate her simply because of her last name. So when Kara’s betrayal came to light, Lena was absolutely crushed. It felt like everything Lillian had said must be true. Her best friend treated her like a Luthor after Lena spent years fighting the conditioning that she was unlovable, untrustworthy, something to be kept at arms length. Kara’s betrayal validated the years of mental and emotional abuse Lena endured at Lillian and Lex’s hands.

Moving on to the scene where Supergirl, Lena, and Alex investigate Eve’s lab. Kara discovers that Lena has been making synthetic Harun-El. Lena admits to the project, but the evidence of the fear Lena carries that Supergirl will hate her for it is everywhere. She doesn’t make eye contact. Her eyes dart around the room, landing everywhere but Supergirl. She admits to the mistake, thinking that the truth would gain her more than lying would. She admits to it after steeling herself against Supergirl’s anger, reminding herself that she and Supergirl never got along. Supergirl immediately asks in Lena intended on giving Lex powers, and Lena explodes. “This is why I didn’t want to work with you,” she says, “Because every time I think things are getting better with us, you display an inherent distrust of my intentions.”. Kara tries to defend herself, but Lena points out: “You look past all the good we’ve done and see red whenever you feel vulnerable.” This is when Alex steps in, pointing out all the good Lena did with the Harun-El, saving both Argo and James with it. She even points out that she saved Sam, which is highly ironic considering in 5x08 Alex claims that Lena kidnapped Sam and kept her in the basement. This is enough to calm Kara down enough to actually hand Lena a real, sincere apology.

“You’re right--” Kara says, and Lena is so surprised at the admission she actually says “Excuse me?” But Kara continues, louder. “You’re right. If you hadn’t made Harun-El, James wouldn’t be alive; you saved him in a way I couldn’t. I do see red sometimes, and it’s not an ego thing or allegiance or anything like that. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. And since Superman left and Lex has been free, it feels a lot heavier. If my enemies are strengthened, if I’m weakened in the slightest bit, I could lose. I just can’t...I can’t lose. I’m sorry, Lena.” Throughout this apology, we can see Lena is uncomfortable. She’s shifting around, not looking Supergirl in the eye, glancing at Alex. She’s trying to gauge if Kara is being honest or not. She’s just had a meeting with Lillian, who manipulates her at every turn. She isn’t sure what to believe. Lena is still struggling with the triggering event of facing her abuser, and this exchange has caused her to respond in a way that she would to Lillian or Lex’s attempts to manipulate her. This becomes more obvious after Kara’s finished, as she looks to Alex. When Alex doesn’t respond, only then does Lena accept the apology. This genuine apology surprises Lena so much she physically takes a step back and rocks on her heels. She’s nearly in tears again as she nods and whispers, “I appreciate that.”.

Where is this Kara in season 5? This Kara, who explains why she did the thing that has hurt Lena (fear of failure), explains why she reacted the way she did (feels the weight of the world on her shoulders, and without Superman and Lex free, it’s heavier), and takes accountability for her actions (”I do see red sometimes, and it’s not an ego thing or allegiance or anything like that.”) Followed by a genuine “I’m sorry, Lena.”. This would go a long way with season 5 Lena. She needs reassurance that this wasn’t due to the fact that she’s a Luthor. Lena needs to hear that she isn’t what her family has spent decades telling her she is. She needs Kara to reaffirm that it was Kara’s mistake to not trust Lena, not Lena’s mistake to trust Kara. A simple “I’m sorry” would be better than Kara parroting back all of Lena’s past betrayals to her, digging in the fact that her best friend was just yet another addition to this list rather than being the one person who never hurt her. It wouldn’t fix things, but it would begin the long road to recovery and remaking their friendship. Are Lena’s actions excusable? No, she still broke the law and kidnapped Malefic. Are these actions explainable? Absolutely. Lena may never trust Kara in the same way ever again. Kara is a trauma survivor, able to relate to Lena in many ways. But the fear of becoming everything your abuser ever told you you were is a different type of trauma, and not one Lena will be able to shake in a few conversations. They need time, open and honest communication, and therapy.

#supergirl cw #supercorp #kara danvers #lena luthor #season 4 #tw: abuse

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quinnybee-writes · 4 years

Text

Title: Fire Meet Gasoline

Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia/My Hero Academia

Rating: T+

Part: 3/?

Story Summary: A chance encounter between a villain and vigilante leads to an unwise deal made between unlikely allies; an unwise deal made between unlikely allies ends in a final stand neither would have ever dared to take on alone. Together, though, they just might have a fighting chance.

Part 3 Summary: Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, and thrice is just a big headache for everyone involved.

Part 1 on Tumblr / AO3

Part 2 on Tumblr / AO3

Part 3 on AO3

Hizashi gave the IT intern a tight but friendly smile as she waved to him before going to check on the status of the server migration. He hated having to do delicate research like this at work; every time one of his coworkers needed something in the room he shared with the server banks he couldn’t help jumping to attention, his hand poised on the lid of his laptop to snap it shut if they wandered too close. The cover it provided him was mostly worth the anxiety, however. A single IP using a VPN in the middle of an apartment block full of unsecured cable company wifi signals was suspicious; another VPN added to the tangle of secure signals emanating from a tech-heavy operation like a radio station was just another Tuesday. Hizashi waited for the intern to finish her checks before going back to what he’d been looking at before he was interrupted.

As far as he was able to find in the HR filings for Solo-Falcon Deliveries they only had one employee named Aizawa, first name Shouta. The photo that accompanied the digitized CV was younger-looking but the man was recognizable nonetheless; same perpetual look of knowing what a hairbrush was in concept but no evidence of him owning one, same dour, “are we done yet?” expression in his dark eyes. Said CV was as barebones as Hizashi had ever seen: eight years at Solo-Falcon Deliveries preceded by a plethora of short term post-middle school jobs; school transcripts from a dozen different private tutors that came to a sudden stop at the end of middle school. His permanent residence had been the same for as long as Aizawa had been working, cosigned by an adult family member with the stipulation that the lease would pass to Aizawa when he turned eighteen. As far as Hizashi could tell Shouta Aizawa had popped out of nothingness as a poe-faced fifteen-year-old looking for a job.

Trying to get any answers out of social media was equally fruitless. Retracing Aizawa’s online steps revealed a ghost town of abandoned accounts in his wake, all following the same pattern of non-use. He would sign up for a new platform, friend or follow one or two other accounts, make half a dozen posts over the course of about a year, then drop it completely without bothering to deactivate or delete. The posts were all the kind of non-entities one could expect out of someone who wasn’t expecting to stick around for very long. Even on the accounts he’d used the most they mostly consisted of inoffensive comments about the weather or work and slightly blurry cell phone pictures of cats.

Even the government seemed to have no luck in catching ahold of Aizawa longer than the time it took to confirm his address, collect his taxes, and send him back on his way. According to his Quirk registration, Aizawa had been something of an early bloomer, developing his nullification power before he even hit kindergarten and being switched from public schooling to private education soon afterwards for reasons of “health concerns”. Elementary and middle school records matched the near-yearly swapping of home tutors from his CV, but Hizashi noticed with interest that there was one massive omission between the two. Several records back in the Quirk registry’s access history was a request from the registrar of UA High School to confirm Aizawa’s personal and Quirk information. Raising an eyebrow Hizashi flipped back to Aizawa’s schooling history and found a perfunctory footnote at the bottom of the file: UA High School registration Apr 2004-Nov 2004; file sealed per subject request. Nothing else was said, just that short “by the way” on a digital post-it note before going on to document the work history and financial filings Hizashi already knew about.

Either Aizawa was some kind of subterfuge wunderkind or he really was just this disconnected. Hizashi sighed and leaned back in his chair, turning that over in his mind. A sealed UA record was as tantalizing a morsel of intrigue as you could ask for, but he wasn’t arrogant enough to think he could go up against a security system as ironclad as theirs with nothing but a masked IP and an undeniable curiosity. There were favors he could call in, Hizashi supposed, people he could ask. Said people would want something equally backbreaking in return as insurance on their investments but that could be relegated to a date far in the future where he had the information in hand and could gauge its actual worth for himself.

Before he had time to start flipping through his mental address book, however, he was interrupted by a buzzing from his cell phone. The display showed an unlisted number being forwarded through his “business line”, a landline he’d had installed in a condemned fast food restaurant on the far edge of the city. Hizashi glanced at his door to make sure it was fully shut before swiping to accept the call.

“Mmn,” he muttered by way of greeting. There was a click, and an automated voice on the other end began to speak in choppy, text-to-speech sentences.

“Bird. Seguchi. Your backdoor into the Hero Registry failed.” Hizashi rolled his eyes. Of course he was the problem, it couldn’t possibly be that Seguchi's client was incompetant. “You owe me a workable solution, do it right this time. Meet tonight at nine sharp, no later. Directions to follow.” The message barked out the address and Hizashi scribbled it disinterestedly onto the back of an envelope. It looked like his pet project would have to take a backseat for something more pressing but way less interesting, he thought with a disappointed sigh.

Biting back a curse, Shouta stared daggers at the bland error box telling him he didn’t have the proper access clearance for the files he needed. He’d spent most of the morning trying to fake the new set of credentials the police database was requiring to view the updated version of the Mockingbird dossier. The security had never been what you could call lax, but the newest version required both the highest clearance level Shouta had ever seen as well as a password that from what he’d been able to glean was just a long randomly-generated string of characters that maxed out the number of available spaces. He gritted his teeth and decided the building headache at the back of his skull was telling him he needed to switch to something a little less frustrating, though such things felt thin on the ground at the moment.

Trying to reconcile the comings and goings of Hizashi Yamada with the known Mockingbird incidents was proving to be an exercise in futility. Yamada didn’t necessarily have an alibi for every time Mockingbird had been sighted in the act, but there was also no real reason for anyone to suspect him of needing one. Mockingbird was a serial offender with a list of potential charges that took up several single-spaced pages in his police file; Hizashi Yamada was the well-known and well-loved operations manager and late night host for a radio station that while not the biggest or wealthiest was far from needing any kind of criminal boost. The only link between the two was Yamada’s oft-abused Quirk, but even that information was a double-edged sword at best. The police had been smart enough to keep the press away from the more sensitive details of the Mockingbird case to avoid copycats and false reports but no one knowing the connection was possible left Shouta shouting into the void. If he went as a civilian witness to the police, he would have to think of a very good lie for how he knew Mockingbird’s M.O. but hadn’t gone to them before now; if he went to them as an admitted vigilante, they might take his report more seriously but he’d end up in handcuffs right next to Yamada. As with most things he’d have to go into this on his own, something that would be a much simpler undertaking if he wasn’t being actively locked out of the information he needed to do so.

“Computer trouble?” a voice above him asked. Shouta jumped, causing the large ginger cat in his lap to grumble and dig its claws into his thighs in retaliation. He gave the cat an apologetic pat on the head and looked up to see one of the cat cafe’s servers standing next to his table.

“Uh, no. It’s just old. Doesn’t like to load,” Shouta lied, swapping screens as casually as he could. The server nodded with a sympathetic smile.

“I getcha,” she said. “It’s such a pain when they still work but they’re too old to really do the work. Our whole register system is older than I am but we can’t get the old workhorse to give up the ghost and let us replace her.” She chuckled, shrugging. “Did you want a refill on that coffee?” she added, pointing to Shouta’s half-full cup that had gone cold long ago.

“Sure, thanks. One sugar, no milk,” Shouta said. He scratched the cat in his lap behind the ears until the server was safely back behind the counter putting his order in before switching back to his other window.

The page had blacked out, the error message now telling him that his session had expired and would not be renewed. He tried closing his browser and restarting it, but the window instantly dimmed and let him know that his session was well and truly dead for today. Shouta wondered if this was a new protocol being rolled out across the board or if he wasn’t the only one they were having to lock out. If the same gap in the digital fence was being used by someone with less scrupulous intents, Shouta supposed he couldn’t entirely begrudge the police for fixing the fault and adding a less easily manipulated system. Trying to channel his frustration into a more helpful direction, Shouta opened the spreadsheet he’d been using to build a Mockingbird timeline and added what scraps of new information he’d been able to screenshot. He highlighted the long periods of silence and typed each time period and Yamada’s name into individual browser tabs.

Hizashi Yamada was as easy to track as Mockingbird was impossible to pin down. Yamada put a lot of effort into propagating his breezy, unbothered persona, but seemed to put just as much into being a diligent employee; the gaps Shouta had found in Mockingbird’s movements didn’t generate so much as a sick day for Yamada. Shouta supposed if you weren’t actively looking for irregularities the lack of them wouldn’t have sparked interest, but to him it was both unnatural and damning. There had to be a weak spot somewhere, Shouta thought. Absurdly careful was one thing, but perfect was something else entirely. He had a suspicion that there was information in the locked sections of Mockingbird’s dossier that would mean nothing to the police without knowing Yamada’s civilian movements but would be the key to getting the upper hand on him for Shouta. But getting in there for a better look around would take time, and with his afternoon delivery shift fast approaching time was not something he had in excess. Another day with better luck, Shouta thought, saving what little progress he’d made and shutting his laptop.

Hebiko, Seguchi’s second in command and high-ranking candidate for Hizashi’s least favorite person on the planet, was waiting for him under the awning of the burned-out corner shop they were supposed to meet at. Hizashi groaned internally at the sight of her, fighting the urge to turn on his heel and cut his losses. Instead he raised a hand in greeting.

“Nice weather for it,” he said.

Hebiko fixed him with an unblinking stare and an emotionless smile. “It’s been a while, Bird,” she said, extending a hand to him like she expected him to shake it. Vivid memories of falling for the ploy and being subjected to the tetanus-like paralysis of her Snakebite Quirk the first time they’d met made Hizashi’s hands reflexively clench into fists. He meaningfully tucked his hands into his jeans pockets and looked around.

“Is your boss planning on joining us, or did he decide the B-team could handle this one on their own?” he asked.

“He had a more important appointment to keep,” Hebiko replied. Her smile widened without gaining so much as a scrap of good will. Hizashi was tempted to point out that Seguchi had thought this was important enough to call him out in the middle of a weekday evening, but his desire to get this over with before all of the good takeout places closed won out.

“His prerogative,” Hizashi said instead, shrugging. “Shall we, then?”

“After you,” Hebiko said, gesturing down the narrow alley between this building and the next. “We’re parked a street up from here,” Hebiko added when Hizashi didn’t move. “It’ll be easier to just cut through here.”

Hizashi scraped together the waning scraps of his patience, reminding himself that there was a takeaway curry and a quiet night at home with his cat on the other end of this nonsense, and headed up the alley where she was pointing.

“Good work today!” Shouta’s manager called over his shoulder as he left the employee changing room. Shouta’s two remaining coworkers called it back to him over the clang of closing lockers. Shouta muttered a vague reply a little too late, his mind already turning to what he had planned for after work.

With a last-minute change in the schedule he had somehow escaped an early shift tomorrow morning after tonight’s late shift, which meant he had until tomorrow afternoon to sleep and eat and all of the other things he usually had to cram into the few hours between clocking out and clocking back in. His heart ached to get out and stretch his legs on a long patrol, missing the routine in the wake of his recent garbage schedule. His head knew better, though. The late hour would mean fewer personnel working at police central intelligence, which would mean fewer eyes on what files were being accessed and by whom, and his newly-opened timetable would mean plenty of time to figure out what he was supposed to do about the lock on the Mockingbird dossier.

Shouta threw his bag over his shoulders, bidding his coworkers a hasty good night and walking quickly out the door before anything had time to interrupt his plans for the evening.

Hebiko followed at a distance that felt both too close and uncomfortably distant, her footsteps almost purposefully off-beat from his own. Hizashi opened his mouth to invite her to stop being such a stalker and just walk next to him, but instead found himself being slammed sideways into the alley wall by something that exploded out of a garbage bag next to a nearby dumpster. Hizashi staggered, breath catching short and sharp in his throat from the hit. Hebiko’s foot shot out from behind him, dead-legging him into an awkward half-crouch on the pavement. Hizashi looked up to see Takeshiro, one of Hebiko’s favorite minions, hopping out of the dumpster. The garbage bag that had assaulted him rustled and squirmed as a thick tangle of dessicated vegetable cuttings slithered out and stood ready by Takeshiro’s side. Hizashi choked back a gag at the smell of it, working to keep his face unconcerned.

“I feel like you might have taken that B-team comment from earlier a little too personally,” he said, the words coming out in a pained wheeze. For the first time Hebiko’s smile held actual mirth and Hizashi deeply regretted the development.

“You’ve been pissing a lot of people off lately, Bird,” Hebiko said.

“Including your boss, apparently,” Hizashi agreed. He pivoted on his toes and tried to keep his eyes on both of them as he straightened up. “He must be pretty irritated to send his pets to do his wet work without coming along to gloat.”

Takeshiro’s plant weapon struck out at him again, sending Hizashi skittering sideways to avoid it. Hizashi gritted his teeth. Hebiko and Takeshiro were each blocking an open end of the alley, closing ranks around him along with Takeshiro’s plant. The only other potential exit he had was a fire escape above the dumpster Takeshiro had crawled out of. If he could keep them distracted long enough to dart through and scramble up the escape there was a chance he could make it out of this in one fresh-scented fully mobile piece. He thought of the extendable police baton hidden in the holster sewn into the back of his jacket but decided it was better to keep it as a last resort. There was no point in escalating a situation already at the snapping point if he could find another way out of it.

“The boss doesn’t know you’re here,” Hebiko said coolly. “The cops caught him trying to get through the Hero Registry’s security net last week using the instructions he got from you. He’s been in custody ever since.”

“Sounds like user error to me,” Hizashi replied, “since the information wasn’t for him in the first place. Does he go through other people’s mail too?”

“That’s really cute coming from someone who makes a living out of digging in digital garbage looking for things to sell,” Hebiko snapped.

“Ooh, really hitting me where it hurts,” Hizashi said. He put on the biggest, fakest grin he could muster, putting a hand to his chest in mock offense. Hebiko’s eyes narrowed, her hands flexing at her sides like she was trying to resist the urge to throttle him. Takeshiro’s plant weapon was starting to twitch and writhe at Takeshiro’s side, belying the man’s outward straightfaced patience. His strategy was panning out for the moment, and hopefully a moment was all he would need.

“We’re about to find a few more places for it to hurt,” Hebiko said, lips curling back from her teeth in a cold smirk.

“Thanks but no thanks.”

Seizing his chance, Hizashi caught Hebiko hard in the jaw with a surprise right hook. She stumbled back a step before coming towards him with an open-palmed strike of her own, ready to freeze him where he stood. Hizashi managed to avoid it just in time, hooking his foot around the back of her knee and sweeping it out from under her. He felt a hand grab him by the back of the jacket and yank him back several steps, nearly taking him off his feet as well. Hizashi twisted sharply towards Takeshiro, forcing the man to loosen his grip just long enough for Hizashi to duck away. He made it all the way up onto the lip of the dumpster and felt his fingers brush the ladder to the fire escape before something grabbed him around the waist and pulled him hard down onto hands and knees on the pavement. Hizashi yelped as pain crackled through his shins and forearms. Before he had time to recover he felt a hand snatch his sweatshirt’s hood off of his head, followed by Hebiko’s sharp fingers digging into the back of his neck. Instantly his body went rigid, joints locking painfully together against his will.

“This is why I hate birds,” Hebiko said, her voice mockingly conversational in Hizashi’s ear. “Whenever things get a little intense, they try to flit away before you get to have any fun with them.”

Without any warning Hebiko grabbed him by the hair and jerked his head forward, slamming it with all her strength into the steel side of the dumpster. Hizashi went limp, the fading paralysis replaced by a dazed ringing in his ears and an unstrung feeling throughout his limbs. He struggled to keep himself awake as black static overtook his vision. Distantly Hizashi could feel hands turning him over and working to pick him up. He heard a second metallic clang, followed by Hebiko snapping something to Takeshiro at the far end of the sludge his brain was sinking into. Before he could make any sense out of any of it, he’d drifted too deep and everything was dark buzzing silence in his head.

Shouta had been trying his best to keep his head down and his eyes on the goal of getting home, but the instant he’d seen the two of them he knew there was going to be trouble. The street was mostly empty and the few people who were out were in motion, leaving jobs or late-night restaurants and heading to wherever they were going after that. The two under the awning, however, were just standing there, carefully keeping to the little bit of shadow the scraps of ripped canvas still cast over the sidewalk. Shouta slowed, pulling his hood up to make it slightly less obvious that he was watching them. One of the figures was tall and skinny with a sharp silhouette, the other at least a foot shorter with unnaturally stiff posture. They talked for a moment before the shorter one waved the taller into the nearby alleyway. Shouta’s eyes narrowed. Never a good sign. He unsnapped the pocket he’d sewn into the shoulder strap of his bag, pulling out one of the bolases he’d stowed there for emergencies. Tucking it tightly into his palm he approached the mouth of the alley. A quick check of the sidewalk confirmed no one else seemed to have noticed him or the two he was following, so Shouta edged up on the corner of the building and peered down the alley.

A third, stockier figured had joined the group from somewhere in the time it took him to approach; they and the short one had closed ranks around the tall one to prevent any potential escape. Shouta dropped into a crouch as he rounded the corner, scuffing his feet over the ground to keep his steps quiet. The group was too far away for Shouta to tell what they were saying, but the conversation seemed to turn sour very quickly. Shouta only managed a few steps towards them before whatever was said triggered a short, dirty fight and the attempt at a quick exit by the tall one via a nearby fire escape. Something fast and tentacle-like caught them around the waist before they made it and dragged them back down. A moment later the short one had them by the back of them neck and slammed them head-first into the side of the dumpster with a sickening clang of skull on metal that echoed out in the otherwise muted night. The tall figure lolled sidewise, dropping senseless onto the ground and for a moment Shouta thought the other two were just going to leave them there. Worse plans were being made, it seemed, as instead the two still standing worked together to roll the unconscious third over and the stocky one made to throw them over their shoulder.

As quickly as he could, Shouta spun the bolas in his hand and threw it at the stocky figure as they bent over. Just shy of wrapping around them, however, the tentacle thing reared up again and slapped the bolas aside. It wrapped uselessly around the bottom of the fire escape ladder with a metallic snap and both of the standing figures turned to see Shouta where he had broken his cover. He pulled another spare bolas out and started it spinning as he rushed them.

“Forget it, get to the car!” the shorter figure commanded the stocky one as they made a move to grab the unconscious figure again. Sprinting away, they made a cursory attempt at tripping Shouta with the tentacle thing, but the swipe swung wide and the tentacle melted into a glob of rotting vegetables as he darted past. The second bolas flew straight, but the two of them had a big enough head start on their side that it dropped and skidded along the ground at their heels without making contact. They had already ducked into a nondescript black sedan and were pulling into traffic by the time Shouta reached the other end of the alley. Shouta pulled his phone out of his pocket and just managed to get a photo of the back of their car. He realized too late that the car didn’t have any plates. Muttering a sharp curse under his breath, Shouta turned and walked back to where they had abandoned the body.

A cold, dawning recognition began to spread in the pit of his stomach as he approached. The figure lay face-down on the concrete where it had been dropped, a spill of long blond hair falling over the collar of a familiar feathered leather jacket. Gently turning the body over confirmed his worst suspicion. Mockingbird’s mask now sported a jagged crack along the top and was streaked with blood from where it had cut into his forehead when his head slammed into the dumpster. Under the blood he looked unpleasantly pale in the dim alley light. His eyelids flickered and he let out a small moaning breath as Shouta put two fingers to his neck to confirm there was a pulse. Not dead, Shouta confirmed with a tight grimace, just knocked out.

Shouta sat back on his heels, brain speeding off in opposite directions at the same time. He knew he was duty-bound to find the nearest patrolling officer or hero and turn Mockingbird in; it was the only good ending for the situation, even if his accomplices had managed to get away. Then again, those “accomplices” had knocked Mockingbird out and for all intents and purposes left him for dead. Whatever had gone south between them, Mockingbird had ended up a victim of it in the end. It seemed unfair somehow for him to get turned over to law enforcement when what he needed was help, like adding insult to injury. A police siren rang out on the street Shouta had followed Mockingbird and the others off of, making Shouta jump. He didn’t have time to debate it. Before better instincts could kick in, he shuffled off his bag and opened the farthest-back compression pocket.

“Sorry about this,” Shouta muttered. Working quickly, he stripped off Mockingbird’s mask and jacket, stuffing them into his bag. Mockingbird was wearing a piece of homemade gear around his neck, partially hidden by the neckline of his hoodie. It looked like a series of spare audio parts wired into a tight collar; long wires stretched down under his sleeves to controls strapped to the palms of his hands under his gloves. The sirens were getting uncomfortably close as Shouta tried to find a way to get it off of him. Finally he just took each side of a join in one hand and yanked, pulling all of the wires free and and shoving the whole contraption in his bag as well. He managed to get everything strapped flat and his bag back over his shoulders as blue and red lights announced the approach of the police. Taking a deep breath and turning his gut-level panic into an expression of concern, Shouta half-jogged out of the alley to meet them.

“Hey! Hey over here, I think he needs help!” Shouta shouted, waving his arms to flag the car down.

The next hour was a hazy blur of trying to keep his story straight for every cop he had to repeat it to, from the scene to the ambulance to a private conference room at the hospital. He had been on his way home from work, he said in increasing tones of weariness, and he heard what he thought was a fight in the alley as he passed by. He tried to step in after the muggers threw Yamada against the dumpster, but they ran off before he could get a good look at them. No, he didn’t really know Yamada, he just recognized him from a delivery he’d made. No, he wasn’t the one who made the initial call to the police, he had been trying to check if Yamada was dead or just unconscious. No, he didn’t have any additional information, he had honestly just been in the right place at the right time. Each time the police seemed to get a little less interested in him, turning their attention to questioning Yamada when the doctors were done running tests. Finally they thanked him for his time and Shouta was allowed to sit by himself in the waiting room and catch his breath.

Every single part of him felt like it was trying to fistfight every other part, but his head was winning the pain battle by a longshot. Hizashi opened his eyes and immediately shut them again with a sharp grunt of pain as white fluorescent lights burned into his skull. He tried again more slowly, squinting his eyes open in slow shifts to let them adjust. A hospital room came into focus bit by bit.. His jacket and gear were gone and his feet were bare. He could see a doctor and nurse standing a few feet away, talking to a uniformed officer. All of them seemed relatively relaxed, considering where they were. There was an uneasy feeling of Wrongness about the situation, but before he had time to dwell on it, the three of them noticed he was awake and came to stand around his bed.

“‘M I under arrest?” Hizashi mumbled. It wasn’t the best opener, but putting thoughts into words and having them stay in the right order was proving to be a challenge right now.

“Nothing so drastic, Mr. Yamada,” the doctor said, smiling at the perceived joke. “Officer Fujiwara is just here to take a statement about what happened to you tonight after we run a few tests to make sure everything’s shipshape up here,” she added, tapping her own temple with an index finger.

“Okay,” Hizashi said slowly. The time delay between ears and brain was slowly shortening, but somehow that wasn’t helping things make sense. He wasn’t being detained (yet), and they’d called him Yamada, which seemed to imply better things than he had expected. How that better outcome had happened was still up for debate but he was more than willing to let it ride for the moment.

The doctor introduced herself as Dr. Watanabe before going through the usual battery of post-concussion memory and comprehension tests that a childhood spent roughhousing with four siblings had turned into second nature for Hizashi. Slowly but surely as they spoke Hizashi’s brain clicked up through the gears until he was mostly running on all cylinders. He kept the conversation going as they wheeled him out of the room for a quick brain scan and then back in once it was done. Too soon, however, came the moment when he had to explain himself to the police.

“I understand things may be a little bit confused at the moment,” Officer Fujiwara began, cutting off Hizashi’s excuse before he could even make it. “We can fill in the more minor details at a later date as they come back to you. For right now, just tell me what you remember.”

Hizashi hesitated, trying to come up with a story that was both plausible and matched enough of the details that it wouldn’t come back to bite him later. “Uh. I was out walking,” he started, trying to get his feet under himself as he spoke. “There’s a takeout place I like, but it’s on the other side of town from my apartment so I don’t go there much unless I’m working late.”

“Understandable. Where is it that you work, Mr. Yamada?” Officer Fujiwara asked.

“Asahi Radio. I manage operations and fill in when our hosts are out. I had some paperwork to finish up, so I stayed late tonight.” Nice, neat, normal little life, Hizashi thought, willing her to buy the excuse. Officer Fujiwara made no indication that she did or didn’t believe it. Instead she just nodded and scribbled down shorthand on her notepad, motioning for him to go on. “I was trying to get home before it got too late, so I took a shortcut to the restaurant, but…” Hizashi trailed off, stiffly shaking his head. “I don’t know. It gets kind of jumbled after that.”

“I see. Do you remember seeing or hearing anything out of the ordinary while you were walking? Anyone suspicious, anyone seeming like they were following you?” Officer Fujiwara asked. Hizashi shook his head.

“No, but I wasn’t really looking I guess. Too distracted by my stomach,” Hizashi replied, cracking a smile at his own joke. Officer Fujiwara gave him a thin smile.

“Anything else you can remember?” she asked. Hizashi pretended to think. Trying to remember things in the order that they had happened after Hebiko had hit him with her Snakebite was genuinely difficult and added a touch of realism to his stymied expression.

“Sorry, no,” he said.

“Not a problem, Mr. Yamada. Here’s my card, and one for my immediate superior,” Officer Fujiwara said, handing him a pair of business cards. “If anything comes to mind later, please feel free to give us a call and let us know.”

Hizashi thanked her and accepted the cards, giving her his number at the station in return in case they needed to call him back instead. Officer Fujiwara bid him a good evening and left. Hizashi allowed himself to breathe a long sigh of relief as Dr. Watanabe returned.

“Well, the good news is your scans came back looking clear as can be hoped for,” she said brightly. “We can go ahead and keep you overnight for observation if you would like, but you should be all right to go ahead home if you’d rather do that. I believe your friend’s still out in the waiting room if the two of you need to talk it over.”

A cold jolt sank into the pit of Hizashi’s stomach, but he tried to keep it off his face. “Uh, yeah,” he agreed. “That might be best.”

Dr. Watanabe nodded and left to go get said “friend”. Hizashi sat up, sliding his legs over to sit on the side of the bed. He wasn’t really feeling up to running for his life after the rest of what happened tonight, but if Hebiko had followed him all the way to the hospital it seemed like he wasn’t going to have much choice. Maybe the cops would still be down in the lobby when he got there and he could have a miraculous return of memory that the stringy, suspicious-looking woman who had said she was here to get him was actually here to get him.

The frantic train of thought had a massive derail, however, as Dr. Watanabe returned to the room with a tall, shuffling figure in tow. Hizashi blinked, sure he had to be seeing things as Aizawa awkwardly nodded in greeting.

“Hey,” Aizawa muttered. “Erm. How’re you feeling?”

“A little confused,” Hizashi said. He tried to raise his eyebrow, but relented when the motion pulled too hard at the stitches in his forehead. “But, uh. Okay, I guess. Are you my escort home?”

Aizawa gave him a slightly sour look at the question but nodded. “I guess so,” he said.

In a renewed haze of bewilderment Hizashi reclaimed what of his belongings hadn’t been thrown out as a biohazard and signed himself out of the hospital while Aizawa called them a taxi. A very stiff, silent cab ride followed, neither of them knowing how to break the silence without making this worse than it already was.

“How’d you know where I was?” Hizashi asked finally, eyes locked forward out the front windshield of the taxi. “Decide to follow me?”

“No,” Aizawa replied flatly. “Just bad luck I guess.”

“Yours or mine?”

“Both.”

Hizashi snorted. “For once we agree on something,” he said.

The cab pulled to a stop in front of Hizashi’s building and his door creaked open to let him out. Aizawa cleared his throat as Hizashi shambled up off the seat.

“Do you...want me to come with you?” Aizawa asked, with a note in his voice that sounded like genuine concern. Hizashi paused, amused in spite of himself.

“Not even a little bit,” Hizashi replied with a cheerful, insincere smile. He shut the door and waited until the cab had pulled back into traffic and rounded the corner before going inside.

#boku no hero academia #my hero academia #aizawa shouta #yamada hizashi #villain!mic #vigilante!aizawa #hizashi yamada #shouta aizawa #Fire Meet Gasoline AU #Quinny thinks she's a writer

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replicantdeviancy · 5 years

Text

PSA;

Just a small note; long rant under cut. This rant involves a personal experience involving internet libel and bullying. Please use discretion if this makes you nervous or upsets you.

I would like to begin this statement by saying that no names or urls will be mentioned for the sake of privacy and to protect the identity of those involved. The bullies in question has been blocked and since reported on all active accounts and at this time no legal action has been taken. I do not condone the act of call outs, cancel culture or witch hunts. I am simply seeking to explain my side of things in hopes that if one comes across these falsities involving my name they will be sensible, rational, and think twice about their validity. Please feel free to open up a dialogue with me at any time (work/sleep schedule taken under consideration) and I will be happy to speak with you. Not just about this unforeseen issue, but in general. Please also have the decency to approach things with a respectful mindset as I will be nothing but respectful with you.

Thank you.

In light of a recent conversation I feel I must address this issue as the individual in question seems to have made an unfortunate resurgence. Just under a year ago, in a misguided attempt to use my writing as a means of self-therapy to combat a past trauma I had endured, I decided upon using a narrative in a single AU verse with a single RP partner. Due to some very negative responses from one single individual (I’ll refer to them as A) that narrative had since been abandoned and deleted. However, A brought it upon themselves to perpetuate their false perception of the situation without a rational attempt at speaking with me. Instead of trying to clarify my reason for choosing to participate in something that we, in all actuality, found mutually repugnant, they decided to send me a very harassing message. (I still keep the screenshot of it for legalities sake).

At that time I thought nothing of it. Just a troll trying to shame me for something which offended them. Like most trolls, I expected A was in a very bad place emotionally and was simply deciding to take a shot at low hanging fruit. As such, I responded flippantly. (Please do also not that I personally suffer with extreme generalized anxiety and panic disorder and while I don’t recall every detail of that evening, I do remember I was trembling uncontrollably). I spoke with a few friends about the incident, and they helped me feel better about it. I expected it was over and done. I was incorrect.

A had taken this out of context narrative and my flippant post and decided to call me out, involving a small group of fellow anti’s, perpetually spreading misinformation about the entire situation and framing screenshots to fit their narrative. I wasn’t too upset at the time, still under the impression this individual was someone in a bad place in life, someone with anger issues in need of counseling or therapy. My impression was further proven when this group also began calling out others within the fandom, making outlandish and baseless claims involving the race of some muns and antisemitic remarks. I was also removed from a group chat due to the libel upon my name. Now frightened, I spoke with a few friends again and discovered they too had received call outs. Many of these people had anxiety and similar emotional traumas, mental disorders and the like, which only ended up hurting them further.

I cannot hope to understand why A chose to harm these people, nor what their reason is to blindly make accusations and harass others in place of reasonable dialogues. I did at one point open communication with them, noting their issues on the matter and explaining in no uncertain terms that I agreed with them, that it was simply an exploration of a theme, very closed off and not open to anyone else under any circumstances. (screenshots also kept for legal purposes) I imagined this communication went well but it appears not to have, as I have come to notice several blogs whom I do not know and have had no contact with already have me blocked.

I am not saying this to garner sympathy, nor to I condone action on anyone’s part involving the individuals in question. I’m a grown adult, perfectly capable of dealing with my inner demons. I have far more concern for those who can’t fight back or don’t have the ability to brush off such vicious negativity directed towards them. I hope others in the future will make the right decision in regard to seeing things on others blogs that they don’t approve of and, rather than go into a fit of wild accusation and blocking that person, being big enough to open up and speak with them with a little compassion.

I will express that some of the themes on this blog are used as a means of personal therapy. Some have worked out, some did not. I have been very private when it comes to my personal life, as no one is entitled to my life story nor my reasons for writing what I choose to. However, apart from a few choice individuals, this has been a very open and caring fandom ( in spite of it’s size ) and most people are rational and compassionate people who just adore their characters and love Detroit: Become Human.

I personally owe a lot to DBH as some chapters helped me get into a better place when it comes to past trauma. The more negative scenes involving Todd and Kara actually had me shaking and needing to take a break, the scenes with Hank involving alcohol made me nervous. But over time and with exposure I no longer automatically have such negative reactions. I began to be able to take a step back and look at these things with a clearer, more objective mindset and could see this as a characters journey rather than something frightening. It still disturbs me and I don’t like it, but I’m more comfortable now.

It’s rather the same with some of my writing. I only have a few things I will absolutely, expressly NOT write about, because no matter the context I simply cannot make myself write it. That’s an individual thing, and everyone has something like that. I hope we can all be understanding to one another on this matter.

Moving forward, I want to make it expressly clear that I do not condone or even agree with any questionable acts my or any characters engage in on this platform. Please take into account that if someone - anyone - writes about something questionable that they in no way condone these things and that the mundane does not, in fact, equal the muse. They are two separate entities with separate opinions, feelings, emotions, thoughts and mindsets. If we begin to police others on their ethics based solely on the theme portrayed or character written, we fall dangerously towards a slippery slope of thought policing. I urge all of you to read a book entitled 1984 which examines the dangers of this very narrative.

As a closing note, I want to say that I am not angry at A or the group of anti’s for their actions. I’m not even upset that they seem to be keen on spreading misinformation a year after the incident had been resolved. I only wish to say that I sincerely hope they get the help they need and that they someday find themselves in a better, happier place emotionally.

If you yourself are bullied or preyed upon but internet trolls, harassed or otherwise a victim of libel, please have the courage to report it to staff. Block the harasser in question. Do as I have and keep screen caps of their harassing messages and posts and show them to staff. Libel is a federal crime and online bullying is a prosecutable offense in a court of law. And if you yourself are someone who participates in cancel culture or bullying, please, I encourage you to speak with someone and find the source of this anger within yourself. Speak with your primary care physician and begin the path towards therapy, because your mental health is important and there are people who love you. There is no reason to take your aggressions out on others or jump to conclusions. If you cannot afford therapy, I encourage you to use one of the services from the list linked HERE. The saying “Walk a mile in my shoes” should be adopted, for you should be willing to open yourself up and empathize with others. Everyone does something for a reason.

Friends, please be careful out there. Bullies are a rare thing in this fandom as it stands and as they have slowly been banned or moved on, the DBH fandom has become a better, positive place for many individuals to express their love of characters, actors and the game itself and can engage others in fun, inventive writing projects. Let’s continue to be the fans that Bryan and Amelia would be proud of. Let’s stay positive and accepting towards one another. I have been so grateful for the people who chose to follow me and wanted to write with me, who put up with my stupid gushing and silly thread ideas. Not a single one of you is a number to me. You all bring something to the table and I’m glad to be here, two years in and having a blast. I hope each of you have such good fortune.

Take care and be well.

#ʸᵒᵘ'ʳᵉ ᵖᵃʳᵗ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᵐᵃᶜʰᶦᶰᵉ⋅ ʸᵒᵘ ᵃʳᵉ ᶰᵒᵗ ᵃ ʰᵘᵐᵃᶰ ᵇᵉᶦᶰᵍ⋅ ▓ OOC ▓#rant #tw; bullying #tw; cancel culture #tw; slander/libel #tw; online harassment #tw; domestic violence mentioned #tw; alcoholism mentioned #tw; allusions to past abuse #[ I expect I may lose followers over this but it needed to be said ]#[ I still see some people in this and other fandoms dealing with this and it breaks my heart ]#[ please note that if you are not aware in the incident in question that I hope you take something positive from this ]#[ My wish is to see this fandom as an accepting and kind community in spite of its past ]#[ Don't let bullies get the better of you and don't bully others ]#[ you can work it out with words and not cruelty ]#[ roleplay and writing are fun hobbies and no one deserves to feel persecuted or attacked for doing what they love ]

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luckyspike · 5 years

Text

No neighborhood is free of sin - a good omens fanfiction

Link to AO3 if you prefer to read there. Kudos appreciated!

Nextdoor.com had been Crowley’s idea. Crowley had always liked neighborhoods - there were just so many opportunities for humans to enrage one another when they lived in such close proximity and had to pretend to be nice. In the early days, before the internet, Crowley had reveled in town hall meetings, neighborhood watch councils, and local book clubs. He’d embedded himself in his Mayfair neighborhood, sowing dissent and discord among the community. For years, he had been the quiet voice in someone’s ear - oh, you know you probably would have gotten that promotion at work if you hadn’t been so tired, eh? Shame about the neighbors playing the music so loudly the night before - the stolen package off someone’s doorstep - of course it was those dirty millenials next door that took little Billy’s Christmas present - or the upturned rubbish bin in someone’s front garden. He’d been stray cats and dropped hardware from a neighbor’s DIY project that just happened to puncture someone’s tire on the way to work. He was footballs breaking through windows, and screaming babies next door during a romantic night in. His Mayfair neighborhood was among the most contentious in London, and walking into the fog of evil at the end of a long day was like a balm to his burned and aching (and barely-existent) soul.

But nextdoor.com, oh, what a stroke of brilliance that had been. He took the idea from the humans, of course, with their clever Facebook idea and MySpace and social media. But the concept of a neighborhood media site followed so smoothly, that aside from a few whispered words into the ears of some young programmers in America*, he’d barely had to lift a finger. Nextdoor.com had burst to life, and since then, Crowley had fallen in love.

[*Or rather, carefully-typed “thought experiments” sent via email from one of his multitudinous email addresses that, typically, appeared to belong to very wealthy tech investorsI.]

His favorite thing was, of course, the people who always had to have the last word in an argument. Pride, after all, was a sin anyway, and online media really provided him with a shining chance to provide one-on-one temptation to multiple people at a time by way of arguing with them on the internet, one of his favorite activities.

He was up late tonight doing just that. He’d had a lovely dinner with Aziraphale - an Ethiopian restaurant that Aziraphale had been wanting to explore, with food so spicy that even Crowley had a few bites - and come home, unwinding by logging into one of his several accounts and promptly starting to complain about the barking dog one building over.

‘listen its my bloody dog and hes allowed to bark in my flat if he wants to’ replied Crowley’s victim for tonight - based on his profile picture, he appeared to be a young solicitor with political aspirations in the future. Crowley figured he might as well start working on the young man now in the early days - no sense in putting his inevitable hellish corruption off when it would be so easy to do now.

‘i’ll have you know that i have a very important job,’ Crowley started his reply, considering where to go from that point. ‘i work 90 hours per week. i make more money in five minutes than you make in a year. shut your dog up or i’ll sue.’ And, send reply. And wait. He sat back in his chair, and savored a mouthful of wine.

Yes, this was proper demonic work. Fuck Hastur and Ligur, fuck craftsmanship, this was easy - he was in pajamas and drinking wine, for someone’s sake - and it was fun. His phone binged with a reply notification.

‘good luck suing, knobhead, i’m a solicitor and i’ve been in numerous trials - too numerous to count. feel free to try to take me up in court, i look forward to the day i get to let my dog bark straight in your smug face, whoever you are, Jacob.’ Ah yes, Jacob Coppersmith, one of Crowley’s favorite online aliases. The demon smiled and crafted his reply.

‘yeah I bet you are, law lad. shut your fucking dog up or i’ll come do it for you. i’ve tracked your IP address, i know where you live.’ Crowley did not elaborate further. In reality, he rather disliked the thought of harming dogs - they were true innocents, unless they were hellhounds or chihuahuas, and even he felt profane trying to hurt them - but his reply would hopefully get a rise out of the young solicitor. He waited.

And waited rather longer. He refilled his wine glass, and paced around his office, and still his phone did not alert to a new message. He refreshed the page, nothing. He had nearly given it up for the night - there would be another opportunity in the future, there always was - when his level of Amber’s Airline was interrupted by a push notification from the neighborhood app. He abandoned the level immediately to read it.

‘don’t call me law lad you fucking knob’

Crowley replied quickly. Quickly, quickly, it was late, the humans would be going to sleep soon ... hurry, hurry. He narrated the entire reply into his voice-to-text feature** and, forgoing a quick proof-read, sent it.

‘ok solicitor shithead’

[** Snake eyes were wonderful for menacing humans and striking the fear of the Devil into their hearts. They were not so wonderful for reading, typing, sewing, or anything else that required any significant level of visual acuity at all, really.]

The reply came quickly: ‘fucking delete this you fucking dick!!! what gives you the right!’ Crowley cackled out loud. Yes, yes this was the end goal. He could practically taste the low-grade evil, smooth like a finely-aged wine, sliding over his tongue. He raised his phone to his mouth and dictated: ‘no law lad’

There was not a reply immediately. But quickly - as soon as the app indicated he’d posted - he heard a frustrated scream, followed by alarmed barking. And then a door slammed open.

“I know you live around here, Jacob!” someone - the solicitor, oh, Crowley, could have hissed it was so wonderful - shouted into the late-night air. “I know you can hear me! You hear me? I won’t shut up! My dog has every right to bark in my home! I won’t tell him to stop! Log off you idiot! Log off and leave me alone!”

Crowley heard the door slam again a moment later, and he slid lower in his seat, taking a self-satisfied sip of his wine. Oh, yes, that was the stuff. He weighed the options, and then smiled gently, dictating his reply and then, after an aggressive two seconds of squinting to ensure the construction and grammar were to his liking, he sent: ‘who the fuck is scraeming “LOG OFF” at my house. show yourself, coward. i will never log off’.

The enraged scream that followed gave him such a warm tingle of infernal rage that he very much doubted he’d be able to sleep that night. But it was alright, he reasoned, as the screaming continued from another flat nearby, and then was met with shouts of ‘shut up!’ and ‘people are trying to sleep here!’ Ah, yes, the beauty of the internet. The true stroke of genius of nextdoor.com. Three angry people, three weakened souls.

Crowley sighed, satisfied with a terrible job well-done, and waved the TV on, although he wasn’t paying attention. He was thinking, rather pleasantly, about fireworks. Yes ... perhaps tomorrow. Plenty of fireworks. At two AM, yes. He would time a complaint post for the neighborhood too, just to get the ball rolling. He finished his drink, and refilled the glass, and settled back as the sound of a cricket match washed over him, entertaining thoughts of fireworks and burnt garbage and very angry neighbors.

#good omens #crowley is an internet troll #dril quotes #side eye reference to marine meme #the glorious crackfic wednesday #i wish i didn't enjoy fanfiction so much #anthony j crowley #anthony janthony crowley

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ofstormsandwolves · 5 years

Text

The Fire

Part of Sunnydale 2019 Verse (after The New Girl)

Giles/Joyce

Buffy, Faith, Willow, Xander

Buffy finds herself facing a serious problem: how does she explain to her new friends the reasons for moving to Sunnydale? And will they desert her when they know the truth?

Read on AO3

“So you guys are still coming to mine after school?” Buffy asked as she sat down with Willow, Xander, and Faith in the cafeteria.

“Hell yeah,” Faith grinned. “Free food!”

Xander echoed her sentiments, and Willow rolled her eyes. “Yeah, we are,” she assured Buffy. Then, a little more softly, she asked: “Are you ok?”

Buffy forced a smile. “I’m fine. Still getting used to the new school, that’s all.”

Willow, to her credit, didn’t look like she bought that for a second, but seemed to let it slide.

“What are we doing at your place then, B?” Faith asked as she snagged some chips from the packet Xander had in his hand.

“Just hanging out,” Buffy shrugged awkwardly. “You know, hanging, chatting, that sort of thing.”

Faith’s eyes narrowed as she surveyed Buffy, and the blonde shifted uncomfortably in her chair. Willow seemed to notice this.

“Did you guys see the posters are up for this year’s science fair?” she asked hurriedly. “I was thinking of entering. Did any of you want to do a group project or something? I’d be happy to help.”

That was enough to tear Faith’s gaze away from Buffy. “No thanks,” Faith shrugged. “Science isn’t really my thing.”

Catching Willow’s eye, Buffy mouthed a ‘thank you’.

By the time the last bell rang, Buffy was a nervous wreck. She knew her parents were right, and that talking to her new friends sooner rather than later would be better for all involved. But it was embarrassing, and scary, and she wasn’t sure what she’d do if they turned their backs on her. She was fairly certain she had no chance at getting in with Cordelia’s group now that she had been seen with Willow and Xander, and although she didn’t want to be friends with Cordelia, it would have been nice to have that safety net. Instead there was... Nothing.

The walk to Revello Drive was tense and awkward, even though Buffy was certain Xander and Faith weren’t really picking up on it. The house was empty when they got there, with Giles still at the school and Joyce at the gallery, and Buffy unlocked the door to usher them all in.

“Now what?” Faith asked as she flopped onto the sofa, rucksack abandoned by the front door. “You gonna spill?”

Buffy blinked. “What?”

Faith fixed her with a look. “Are you gonna tell us what’s been bothering you?”

“Yeah,” Xander agreed as he flopped down on the opposite end of the sofa to Faith, “you’ve been acting weird all day. I know I’ve only known you a day, but even I could tell something was up.”

Buffy bit her lip, taking in her new friends, all of whom were watching her with concern. “You have to promise to let me finish before you completely wig, ok?”

“Sure, Buff,” Willow said, giving her a concerned smile as she settled herself on the floor.

Buffy sighed and sat down next to Willow, facing the sofa. “I need to explain a little about who I was in LA.”

This wasn’t going to be like junior high. She was better than that. Buffy Anne Summers had had enough of being the cutesy kid who got overlooked. She was a high schooler now, and she had to make her mark somehow.

Already she was planning on signing up for the cheer team, but she knew she had to do more than that to become popular. It wasn’t that she’d been unpopular in junior high, and she’d had a nice group of friends, but things changed. When you got to high school you changed. Buffy didn’t want to just blend in, she wanted to be better than that. She wanted to be in with the popular crowd.

The cheerleading tryouts went better than she could have dreamed, and she even made the team. In fact, her tryout was so good that she soon had the older cheerleaders approaching her in the corridors.

“Buffy,” Natasha Collins greeted with a smug grin. “I want to talk to you.”

Well, Natasha was the head cheerleader, and a senior, and Buffy wasn’t about to jeopardise her place on the team by saying no. So she nodded and followed Natasha and her friends to the bathroom.

“We know you’re new to the squad,” Natasha said once they’d all gathered in the bathroom, “but you need to maintain a certain image if you’re going to be on the cheer squad.”

Buffy bristled a little at that, but kept her mouth shut.

One of the junior year cheerleaders nodded at that. Buffy thought her name was Brooke. “Yeah. You need to learn to stand up for yourself. Nobody messes with us, ok?”

“I do stand up for myself,” Buffy responded with a frown.

“Do you though?” asked another girl. “Because this isn’t about only standing up for yourself when someone calls you a name, Buffy. It’s more than that. You’re on the squad now, and you need to make it clear that you’re not to be messed with.”

“What we’re saying,” Natasha explained with a cruel smile, “is that you need to make it clear that you’re the boss. Knock a few people down, critique a few outfits on your way to class, make it clear that you’re stronger than the rest of them. We can’t have weak people on the squad.”

Buffy swallowed, but nodded. She wanted to be on the team. She wanted to be popular. It wasn’t a big deal, was it?

“Ok.”

“Geez,” Faith muttered as Buffy finished explaining her first few weeks on the Hemery High cheer squad.

“I know,” Buffy grimaced. “And it kinda gets worse. I... I picked on quite a few people. It was made clear to me that that was part of being on the cheer squad, and I was so scared they’d kick me out, so I just went along with it. I managed to avoid the social media stuff, told them that my mom regularly checked my accounts. They tried to get me to set up fake accounts, but I kept making excuses.”

She took a deep breath. “I couldn’t get out of it at school, though. The rest of the team would follow me, and they’d wait in the corridor while I picked someone out to mock. I hated it. I knew it was wrong, but I didn’t know what to do. It happened so often the teachers must have known, but nothing ever seemed to happen. And if I’d told my mom or Giles, I’d have to tell them what was going on. So I never let on to them. I lied about what was going on at school, who I was hanging out with, who my friends were. I didn’t even tell them when I started dating a guy, because he was in his junior year, and he’d only looked in my direction because of how I acted at school. He’d thought I was cool and pretty, and he liked it when I made fun of people. And I liked that he liked me, so I thought ‘why not keep doing this?’”

It had been so easy to lie. Painfully easy.

“Where have you been?”

“I was at Bridgette’s house, Mom. I told you last week.”

“Oh. Well, call next time.”

“Ok.”

The lies kept coming and coming. Once she’d started it was like she couldn’t stop.

“I’m going to the movies on Friday night.”

“Have you asked your mother?”

“Yes, Giles.”

“Good. Who are you going with?”

My new boyfriend. “Just some girls from drama class.”

“Well, have fun.”

They never seemed to notice. Or if they did, then they didn’t care. At least that was the way Buffy saw it. Her parents didn’t care what she did, so why did it matter if she lied? She was fifteen, she was old enough to make her own decisions. She didn’t need Giles’s concerned looks or her mom’s disapproving glare. So what if she was hanging out with older girls? So what if her boyfriend was seventeen? So what, so what, so what?

It was easier for everyone if her parents didn’t know. Her real dad didn’t care anyway, he hardly ever came to see her. He was always working. Of course, Buffy knew that what he was actually doing was getting off with his secretary. Her parents didn’t know that she knew that.

At the end of the day, she had fun with her new friends, and her mom and Giles didn’t seem too fussed about what she was doing, so why should it matter? It wasn’t like anybody was really getting hurt.

Ok, there were the occasional harsh comments. The occasional girl crying in the bathroom because of something Buffy had said. And she felt bad about it, but her new friends were always watching, always waiting. One wrong move and they’d be on her like a pack of dogs. She had to prove she was strong. She had to prove she belonged.

She did belong. Right?

Willow and Xander had been silent, just staring at Buffy with wide eyes.

“You... You don’t still think like that, do you?” Willow asked nervously.

“No,” Buffy said quickly, shaking her head. “It’s why I’m telling you, though. I deleted everyone off my social media accounts after I left Hemery, and I don’t talk to any of them. But there’s still a chance people might find out this stuff, if they dig deep enough, and I didn’t want you guys to hear about it through rumours.”

“Is this why you got kicked out?” Xander asked with a frown. “For bullying?”

Buffy shook her head. “No. But the reason I got kicked out feeds into the bullying thing.”

“Hey, Buffy,” Tyler greeted as he bent down to press a kiss to Buffy’s lips.

She tried to ignore the whoops and cheers of the other football players and cheerleaders watching them. Then, Tyler broke the kiss and climbed up over the bleachers to sit behind her. Instinctively, she leaned back against him.

“Me and the others were thinking of having a little fun tonight if you’re interested,” he told her in an easy manner.

Buffy looked up at her boyfriend with a small frown as the others cheered and whooped again. “Doing what?” she asked.

Tyler smirked and quirked his eyebrow at her. “Are you scared?”

“No,” Buffy retorted quickly.

But some of Tyler’s friends started laughing then, as did some of the other cheerleaders who were hanging off the players’ arms.

“I’m not,” Buffy insisted again.

“Leave her alone,” Tyler said, although he was laughing too. “She’s only a freshman after all. She can’t compete with us juniors just yet.”

There was more laughing, and Buffy felt her hackles rise. They always talked down to her. Always seemed to think she was a kid. She wasn’t. She was fifteen. That wasn’t a kid.

“Whatever it is, I wanna come,” she told Tyler, turning to look him in the eyes.

Tyler smirked. “Good. I’ll pick you up at eight.”

Tyler did as he said he would. At eight pm sharp, Buffy climbed out her bedroom window and met Tyler at their usual meeting point at the end of the street. It was better her mom and Giles didn’t know about her sneaking out.

“Where are we going?” she asked as they made their way along the street.

“To have some fun,” Tyler told her with a grin. “C’mon. Josh is picking us up on the corner of Maple and Grosvenor.”

Buffy didn’t really like the fact Tyler wouldn’t tell her what was going on, but if she asked more questions he might start thinking she’d gotten cold feet. She hadn’t, she just wanted to know what was going on.

They got into Josh’s car, Buffy squashed on Tyler’s lap in the back of the car, Matt and Cody also in the back with them. Up front were Josh and Dylan.

“Pike’s meeting us there,” Matt announced with a grin as Josh sped along the roads. “So are the girls.”

“Why?” Buffy asked with a frown.

Pike was a senior, and often hung around with the football team despite not actually being on the team himself. He had a slightly dangerous air about him, with his motorcycle and leather jacket. Buffy supposed that in another life she might have had a crush on him.

“Why d’you want to know?” Matt leered.

Arching an eyebrow at him, Buffy stared back. “Because I want to know what’s going on.”

Tyler sniggered underneath her. “Patience, Buffy,” he teased. “You’ll find out soon enough.”

Buffy felt sick. Pike had met them at the school, and had immediately helped unload stuff from the trunk of Josh’s car. Buffy had been made to stand with the girls- Brooke, and Natasha, and a few other cheerleaders. She couldn’t shake the feeling that everyone knew what was going on except her.

“Come on then, boys,” Tyler grinned as he started towards the gym.

As he got closer to Buffy, she could see he was carrying a plastic box filled with cans of spray paint. Oh. She felt herself deflate a little at that. It was just a bit of paint. Nobody was going to get hurt, nothing really bad was going to happen. And if it just took a little bit of spray paint to make everyone think she was cool, where was the harm in that? After that, she felt herself relax a little, and even accepted one of the cans Tyler tossed towards her. Neon pink. Nice.

Between the twelve of them, they were soon busy spraying the brick wall of the gym. Some of them opted for designs, but a few of the boys opted to simply spray paint swear words onto the wall in neon paint.

After nearly half an hour, Pike stepped back to admire his work, pulling his cigarettes and a box of matches from his pocket. “Not bad,” he told them as he stepped closer again, cigarette between his lips as he fumbled for a match.

He managed to strike one, and lit his cigarette before flicking the used match away.

“Give me those matches,” Josh said, holding out his hand.

Pike shrugged, and handed the box over. “Don’t use them all.”

But Josh just snorted and ignored him. Within moments, he had a match lit, and only a second after that, Matt and he were creating flamethrowers out of the unused spray paint, laughing all the while.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Buffy told Tyler worriedly.

Tyler just laughed. “Oh, lighten up. It’s fine. We do this stuff all the time.”

Somehow, that didn’t exactly calm Buffy. But there was nothing she could do, nobody would listen to her. Pike was watching the scene with disdain, cigarette between his lips as he eyed the juniors. He didn’t seem too pleased either, but he wasn’t stepping in. Just as Buffy was about to say something, there was a scream, and she looked around to see that the can in Matt’s hands had caught fire.

Panicking, he threw it as hard as it could, and it shattered the window of the gym. Within moments, fire could be seen raging in the windows.

“Oh, dude,” Cody laughed, “I think you set the banners on fire!”

There was a sudden bang, like the can had exploded, and smoke started billowing from windows.

“Shit!” Tyler yelled, scrambling away from the gym.

Pike grabbed Buffy by the arm and hauled her away, as everyone started scrambling towards the parking lot. Buffy found herself bundled into the back of Josh’s car, and by the time the adrenaline wore off, she was standing on her front lawn as the car sped off into the distance.

“The Police came round later that night,” Buffy admitted quietly. “Some people who worked in a store opposite the school saw everything and called the police. Mom and Giles were furious with me, and there was a whole court thing, and I got kicked out of school.”

“Fuck,” Faith murmured, eyes wide. Her expression was somewhere between shock and excitement. Buffy wasn’t sure she liked that.

“Yeah. I didn’t actually get charged with the burning down of the gym, seeing as it was Matt and Josh who were doing the whole ‘setting-fire-to-stuff’ thing. But I still got in trouble for the spray painting. Mom and Giles had to pay a fine. I’m still trying to pay it back.”

Xander was looking almost as eager as Faith. “How much was it? The fine?”

Buffy grimaced. “Loads. Like, thousands. Giles has family money, and he ended up using some of that. I felt awful. And my dad didn’t even contribute a dollar to it. Said it was Mom’s fault for not keeping a closer eye on me.” She rolled her eyes at that. “And it all happened because I wanted to be popular.”

There was an awkward silence then, and Buffy stared down at her lap. Then, she felt a hand on her arm. Looking up, she saw Willow smiling uncertainly at her.

“It’s ok, Buffy,” Willow told her gently. “You made a mistake. We’ve all done it. I mean, we haven’t all burned down the school, but, but we’re not perfect either.”

“Yeah,” Xander chimed in, “I’m not one for setting the gym on fire, but if you want to hang out and do less flammable things I’m down with that.”

“I’m all for fire, by the way,” Faith shrugged with a grin. “But I’m down for anything if there’s snacks.” She waggled her eyebrows at Buffy, who sighed and got to her feet.

“I think my mom left snacks in the kitchen,” she told them. “Wanna go see what we can find?”

And as Xander and Faith raced their way to the kitchen, Buffy shared a smile with Willow. Everything was going to be ok.

#Sunnydale 2019 verse #buffy fanfic #buffy summers #faith lehane #willow rosenberg #xander harris

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