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a-simple-spiders-oc-dump · 4 months

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NEW AND IMPROVED INFO ON UNIVERSE 1 AND THE FUNNY LITTLE GUYS WHO LIVE THERE

I decided to make an update to the original info post I made, since I changed the canon a lot since I made it. Plus, the old one was based on an even older character doc that didn't go into very much detail and omitted a few decently major characters. So, what the hell!! New year new info.

THE BASIC PREMISE:

A young sorta-goddess named Alice was born alongside her own personal pocket dimension to rule over and expand at her leisure. After many years of this, Alice decides she wants to make the perfect friend for herself, but in creating Mikayla, she accidentally makes her perfect nightmare instead. Mikayla turns against her creator, forming a pact with the monstrous Breaks to act as their commander in exchange for her world's eventual destruction, and Alice does not have the strength to create her own army to oppose them. In desperation, Alice turns her sights back to the Earth she was born to, and begins to build her army a different way - with the souls of those who died young and unhappy. The story follows the humans trapped in Alice's domain as they fight to survive in the hopes of one day thriving in this strange new world, while still struggling to deal with the scars from their pasts. The main story takes place sometime around 2016-2018.

SOME WARNINGS: mentions of death, abuse, school shootings, human experimentation, body horror, murder, bullying, car crashes and suicide. none of these will be discussed in depth (outside of the death part, since I will be mentioning how each of Alice’s soldiers died, and potentially the body horror part when it comes to describing Alice's guards), and will only be briefly mentioned, but I felt it was worth adding this warning nonetheless. let me know if there’s anything else I should add to this warnings list, and I’ll make sure to add that warning both to this and any future piece that may contain that particular content.

NOTABLE TERMS:

Authors - Someone with power over a Realm. The name is a shortened version of the word “authority”, as well as the term 'author/auteur' as used to refer to the primary creator of different forms of art. They look like normal people in their home worlds, but are reality-warping gods in their Realms. They can either be born this way (Founding Authors) or can be turned into an Author by a different Author (Inherited Authors). If an Author dies and hasn’t selected anyone to be their ‘heir’, their Realm crumbles and dies. The term has some variations - Alice, for example, refers to herself as an ‘Authoress’ as a more fancy and feminine version of it - though ‘Author’ itself is considered a gender-neutral term. They have a tendency to become fixated on making specific types of objects/creatures, and they become more and more

Realms - Miniature universes created by an Author’s birth, sometimes considered to be the Author’s twin. They are sentient to some extent, though are so different from most lifeforms that they cannot communicate aside from puppeteering creatures (usually Creations) to do their bidding. Their Author(s) keeps them stable, and if the only Author dies without picking a replacement, they do too. The majority of the story takes place in one of these Realms (exceptions being prequel short stories that take place on Earth).

Creations - Living creatures made by Authors to serve a specific role in their Realms. Creations are given a ‘purpose’ by their Author that forms the backbone of their identities, which can range from specific tasks they must fulfill to simply live however they choose. Aside from that, they can look like practically anything, and their mindsets can range dramatically from "exists only to perform this particular task with no individual personality to speak of" to "smarter than a human with a clear and defined sense of identity". Think of them as biological robots - some are closer to androids in sci-fi media, while others are more similar to roombas, but they're all classified under the same umbrella.

Breaks - Hive monsters that spawn in the void between worlds, meant to be one part training and one part punishment for Authors who break the Unspoken Rules (which are unspoken because no one really knows what they are). They can form pacts with Real creatures as well as Creations to grant them powers in exchange for the individual becoming the focal point of their hive mind, and want nothing more than to devour Realms from the insides out.

Life Force - The energy that keeps all living creatures alive. Humans are the baseline, with a reasonable amount of Life Force that can allow for bursts of incredible strength, speed and mental processing when in life-threatening situations; Creations have about half to three-quarters the Life Force of a human, as they typically do not need to ever use it and all of their Life Force must be provided by their Author when they're created; and Authors have the abilities they do because they have an abnormal amount of Life Force that only grows larger and larger the longer they live, and the ability to manipulate it at will. Life Force can only be drained by either using abilities that require Life Force, or by spending time in a universe that is not your own. If drained, the affected creature will grow more and more emaciated before beginning to decay alive.

CHARACTERS IN THE REALM/UNIVERSE 1:

(please note that even after all this time, a lot of these guys don’t have fully solid designs - I’m more of a writer than an artist and character designs don’t mean much when you’re not using a visual medium lol. I have at least vague ideas on how all of them look and I do want to give those ocs with less solid looks permanent designs in the future, but for now???? ehhhhhhhhhhhh I’d rather focus on the writing part lmao)

THE NEWCOMERS

Lydia

Age: 16 (nearly 17)

Role in the story: Protagonist

Appearance: Chubby girl with long, wavy blonde hair, warm-toned beige skin and blue eyes. Around 5'5-5'8. Wears a long, loose grey t-shirt with cut-out shoulders and a distinctive blue butterfly design with diamond-like wings on the bottom-left corner. This matches her prized necklace, which always hangs around her neck on a long chain, and her hairclip that pins the left side of her hair out of her eyes.

Rapid-fire personality info: -One of the two protagonists of the main story.

-Calm and friendly, always trying to see the best in others. Her life's motto is very much "hope for the best and prepare for the worst".

-Deeply committed to helping people, even at the expense of her own health - definitely fits the “paragon” archetype and will do anything if she thinks it’s for the good of those around her.

-Wanted to be a therapist someday so that she could improve peoples’ lives, and reads about psychology often in pursuit of that goal. She still wants to find a way to make use of her knowledge in her new situation, but isn’t sure how.

-Grew up moving from town to town after her mother passed away from a terminal illness; as such, she’s gotten very good at reading people and figuring out what makes them tick. (She’s not always as right about them as she thinks she is, though.)

-Feels her emotions intensely, and often cries when overwhelmed or scared, much to her own frustration.

-Can’t handle horror well at ALL, which makes it all the harder for her to adjust to her new life in the Realm. She never quite gets used to Alice’s side of the Realm, preferring to stick closer to the Soldier’s Camp.

-Just wants things to be okay and for everyone to be safe and sound. This is a much more complicated goal than it sounds, but by god is she determined to give it her best shot!

-Outside of reading about things like grief counseling and psychological disorders, she enjoys photography and doing little DIY projects to decorate her living space with; definitely the type to have one of those strings of Polaroids in her room that all the old aesthetic blogs back in 2013 loved.

-Has the ability to see the memories of others through her dreams. Big side effect is that whatever memory she brings up will be re-experienced by the memory’s owner while she does so, and considering almost everyone in the Realm has some sort of trauma, she needs to be careful what she makes them re-live. She also hates it in general because she really doesn’t want to breach her new friends’ privacy, but she doesn’t have a choice in the matter.

-Died in a car crash.

SINCLAIR HELLSPARK!

Age: 16

Role in the story: Protagonist

Appearance: Dresses more like they’re from an RPG than the same Earth Alice’s soldiers came from, or at least as close to that as they could get from the local thrift shop. (Dress for the world you want, not the world you have!) The most prominent part of their outfit is a long, slightly oversized brown leather trench coat that goes halfway down Sinclair’s calves, with a strip of red cloth pinned underneath the jacket’s collar roll to mimic a cape. The coat is left open to reveal a black t-shirt and black pants underneath, the latter being ragged at the bottom hems, with a pair of brown combat boots. (I could also see them drawing fake magic circles and runes and shit on the inside of their jacket or down the sides of their pants in gold fabric paint.) They wear a belt around their waist (unconnected to their pants) with a couple of satchels on it to store things, mostly small trinkets and snacks they’ve “borrowed” over time.

Rapid fire info: -One of the two protagonists of the main story.

-Boisterous, loud-mouthed, and generally seen as a pretty cheerful person, though they can also come across as a bit overwhelming and annoying without realizing; a large ham through and through.

-Grew up in a neglectful household and were never quite able to make friends. After a bit, they gave up on trying to get people to like them (kind of) (not really) (they tell themself that, anyway) and decided to just get real weird with it in a way they personally find cool.

-Likes to proclaim that they’re a powerful sorcerer, blessed by the spirit of a dragon to seek out the world’s oddities and protect the innocent with their powers and wit; they will threaten to curse people they don’t like and claim to cast blessings on people who are nice to them, though these never have any effect. Sinclair knows it’s bullshit but it’s FUN bullshit so they don’t plan to stop any time soon.

-Has a bit of Main Character Syndrome, fully believing that their life can and will play out like a story. They try to be genre-savvy in real life and have a tendency to assign character archetypes to people around them, no matter how little they fit that role. (For example, within an hour of meeting Lydia, Sinclair declares that she MUST be their rival.)

-Impulsive; they tend to leap before they look and don’t give enough thought as to how their actions might affect people around them. They’re prone to bouts of arrogance and can’t stand being underestimated.

-Genuinely wanted to get trapped in another world before ending up in the Realm, and are one of the few people to take to the Realm like a duck to water, though they quickly learn to be careful what they wish for.

-LOVES cryptozoology and parapsychology; their back-up dream if they didn’t get isekai’d was to start a cryptid-hunting TV show. They start off as sort of a bit of an overbearing fan towards Gamma, since he’s a figure in local urban legends where Sinclair once lived and they’re overjoyed to learn he’s actually real.

-Sinclair may be cringe but Sinclair is free.

-Died in a car crash.

ALICE’S INNER CIRCLE (+ Mikayla)

Alice

Age: somewhere around 14

Role in the story: Secondary character; an integral figure in the backstory

Appearance: Takes the form of an adorable young girl the majority of the time, with skin that both looks and feels oddly reminiscent of candle wax, owlish brown eyes and straight black hair that falls to her waist. She wears an opulent, knee-length dress reminiscent of a kid’s princess/queen costume. It has a square neckline, puffed sleeves with strips of brown fabric falling to her wrists, corset lacing in the shape of a heart on her stomach, a grey sash tied around her waist in a bow on her back, and brown skirt split in the center to reveal layers of translucent yellow fabric, surrounded by gold embroidery. Sometimes, Alice's soldiers have claimed to see her hair or pieces of her outfit move on their own. This is somehow one of the least weird things about her.

Rapid fire info: -Created the Realm and has god-like powers of reality-warping and creation; she refuses to let anyone forget either of these facts.

-Childish, and acts either cheerful or annoyed about 90% of the time.

-Callous and selfish, often disregarding human suffering as ‘not her problem’ despite being one of the very few people actively bringing them to her world in the first place; generally dislikes humans and especially adults (outside of Gamma, who looks and behaves like one), refusing to allow them into her home; she’d likely do this for all humans if not for the current situation.

-The only person she seems to care about besides herself is Gamma, owing to the long history the two share together and the deep trust that’s formed as a result, which tends to surprise people thanks to the two of them seeming like complete opposites. Gamma helps Alice work through her ideas and points out flaws in her plans, especially when it comes to aspects of humanity Alice is blind to; in return, Alice makes Gamma things she thinks will make him happy and helps to keep him grounded on difficult days, even if she doesn’t fully understand what he’s going through.

-Experiments with her powers for fun, with her most common experiment being the creation of a living creature without really paying attention and then taking it apart while it’s still alive to see what she got wrong. (This is essentially the Author equivalent of life drawing. Still more gruesome than it needs to be, though!)

-Hates admitting things that she sees as a blight on her reputation as an Author (i.e. caring about people, feeling emotions other than joy and rage, wanting to do things other than create, being wrong, etc.), as she takes great pride in her status.

-Morphs into a much less friendly looking version of herself when pissed off, and is prone to having her skin melt like she’s a wax figure when sufficiently annoyed. Even in her ‘normal’ form, her skin is noticeably cold, as though she’s a living corpse, and she often grins with a few more teeth than humans should have.

-She’s basically a weird little girl who was given god-like powers by chance and then let loose on the multiverse.

-If she dies, something terrible will happen…

Mikayla

Age: Has existed for 4 years (behaves and is generally treated like she’s in her late teens/early twenties)

Role in the story: Primary antagonist; an integral figure in the backstory

Appearance: Has replaced her face with a white, porcelain mask decorated with red swirls, and does not appear to have any hair. Her skin tone matches Alice’s - pale like candle wax - though it’s mostly covered by a long, hooded, ivory cloak and the black, veined bodysuit underneath that holds her body together as she regenerates. She’s probably around 5'8-5'10.

Rapid fire info: -Alice’s Creation, meant to be the perfect friend; unfortunately, to Alice this meant ‘basically a carbon copy of myself but taller’, which wound up backfiring horribly once Mikayla learned that she didn’t share Alice’s level of control over the Realm while still sharing Alice’s massive ego.

-Cut off her face to seal her pact with the Breaks, who gave her regenerative powers and limited ability to use portals; now wears a porcelain mask as a replacement face, and uses her cloak to mask her limbs as they regrow.

-Extremely manipulative, and does not take being told “no” well; she’s a massive control freak and tends to lash out without remorse when someone goes against her wishes.

-Switches personas on a whim, going from calm and collected to rage-fueled screaming on a hair trigger when she thinks it will keep people in line. She's very unpredictable as a result, and her soldiers walk on eggshells around her in a vain attempt to keep her from lashing out at them.

-Has a personal grudge against Alice, since Mikayla views Alice simply being alive as both a threat and an insult, and Gamma, since he made many attempts to stop her from achieving her goal to kill Alice. As such, she will do whatever she can to torment and torture them - especially Gamma, as a punishment for him not joining her mutiny.

-She’s basically the most destructive kind of sadism in humanoid form. Just an awful person who takes pleasure in hurting anyone she views as a potential enemy - including those on her own side, if she thinks it will keep them under her thumb.

-Has died at least three times before the main story starts. Unfortunately, this hasn’t stopped her.

Gamma

Age: Has existed for around 8 years (behaves and is generally treated like an adult)

Role in the story: Deuteragonist; a mentor figure for Sinclair; an integral figure in the backstory

Appearance: Very tall (around 6'7-6'10), extremely pale (to the point where other characters’ narrations have remarked he looks like he’s never gone out in the sun in his life), and muscular by necessity for his job. Has black hair that’s always slicked back to his head and golden eyes that never blink with noticeable dark circles underneath. Wears a black suit with a white dress shirt and golden tie underneath. While the suit repairs itself after fights, the lapels and wrists of his sleeves are permanently tattered due to his jacket being a prototype by Alice (Alice could make him a better one now, but he got attached to the original, much to Alice’s chagrin - it’s like a family member hanging an old piece of art you did in high school in their living room to her). His skin on his arms and legs is a slightly different shade from the skin on his head and torso.

Rapid fire info: -A Creation whose guiding purpose is to protect Alice and her Realm; this quickly extended to the human soldiers once he learned how fragile they truly were. He’s tasked himself with keeping an eye on Alice’s other guards to make sure they’re doing their jobs properly, too.

-Also in charge of the transportation of the dead teenagers from their world to the Realm. Most of the soldiers don’t like associating with him due to this fact, and a good chunk of them outright despise him for being the one to directly trap them in this place.

-Reserved, serious, and excessively secretive. That last part is largely because he’s not one hundred percent sure what does and does not unnerve humans, and so he tends to hide information he thinks might cause them distress, even if it ends up being something benign.

-Constantly researching things like anthropology, sociology, psychology and history just for fun, since he finds Earth absolutely fascinating. It’s basically an alien planet to him, and he has a deep respect for its inhabitants. Alice has joked on occasion that he’d start a human fanclub “if he had ten percent less dignity and anyone who’d join it.”

-One of the few people Alice views as something close to an equal, which is more than anybody else can say. This is due to their long history together, which according to Gamma, includes her saving his life numerous times, and led to him becoming her bodyguard to return the favour.

-Has been through Some Shit before the wars even began, and his mental health is incredibly poor as a result; he blames himself whenever things go wrong in the Realm out of reflex, tends to have extreme fight-or-flight responses to perceived threats, has a self-esteem in the negatives and copes by being almost fanatically devoted to his given role compared to Alice’s other guards. Most notably, he seems to fall into extreme panic when surrounded by the colour teal…

-Seems to have some odd abilities that it’s assumed Alice gave him, since he’s much stronger than a normal human and has a tendency to know things he really has no right knowing (the latter is thanks to him constantly hearing the thoughts of everyone around him; it’s less of a power to him and more like a sense. He fully believed this was a Normal Human Experience for most of his life, and when he learned the humans weren’t letting him read their thoughts willingly, it freaked him out badly enough that he suppressed this ability as best as he could manage, to the point where all he hears now are muted whispers unless he directly ‘tunes in’.)

-Is absolutely bewildered by Sinclair not only tolerating him but actually seeming to enjoy his presence, and he warms up to them over the course of the story.

-this man has so much going on with him I swear to fuck. he's kind of the default protagonist for anything taking place before Lydia and Sinclair show up on the timeline, and he’ll probably be in a LOT of the prompt fills lmao

-Hasn’t died yet, despite the universe’s best attempts.

ALICE'S SOLDIERS

Cynthia

Age: 17

Role in the story: Secondary character, somewhat of a mentor figure for Lydia and Sinclair; an integral figure in the backstory

Appearance: No solid outfit design just yet. (Her old outfit was designed when I was around 14 years old and included a t-shirt that said ’#SWAG’ on it. I wish I was fucking joking.) What I know for now is she has olive-toned skin and a bob hair cut, dyed a dark blue/indigo, along with grey, almost silver eyes. She likely has a muscular build out of necessity, and probably wears something simple and easy to move in in case of a surprise attack.

Rapid fire info: -Co-leader of the Soldier’s Camp; also one of the very first humans in the Realm.

-Used to be somewhat snarky with a heart of gold shining through, but the massacre that was the First Break War made her withdraw to the point that she’s become extremely stoic.

-Asked Alice to remove her memories of her past life during the First Break War so they wouldn’t hold her back; some suspect Alice took a little more than just that.

-Hard to read, and comes off as cold to most people, only really opening up to Dylan since they went through the First Break War together, and forged a deep trust as a result. She’s usually the one to push him to go and rest when he starts putting too much on his shoulders (and he’s usually quick to point out how hypocritical it is for her of all people to say this, lmao)

-Focuses mostly on strategy, supplies and upkeep of the camp while Dylan takes care of the human element. Extremely practical and a bit of a workaholic, to the point of requesting a murphy bed for her bedroom so she could use it as an office (with her reasoning being, “there’s no point in having two separate rooms when one could serve the same purpose.”).

-Is responsible for multiple quality of life features for the Camp in some way, including walkie-talkies the soldiers can use to warn everyone of potential attacks and repurposing some areas of the under-populated camp to be for storage of emergency supplies. Spends much of her time considering what she could request to improve things further.

-Almost all the soldiers see her as the Realm’s ultimate authority figure due to her strict nature - considering Dylan’s more relaxed attitude and Alice being… well, Alice - though some (like Morgan and Sydney) aren’t afraid to talk back to her if they feel like it.

-Deeply despises Gamma for reasons even she doesn’t fully understand; it seems to stem from the time right before she got her mind-wipe. He’s the only person she’ll actively lash out against, and he never so much as protests.

-Has a love of music, and if she isn’t busy working to make sure the camp has everything it needs to keep everyone happy and healthy, she can typically be found in her room, listening to music on a pair of headphones and tuning out the world. (Though, naturally, she keeps her walkie-talkie on her at all times in case of emergencies.)

-Her cause of death is unknown, though it’s assumed she was stabbed or impaled in some way due to her death scar (a large, jagged cut just below her ribcage).

Dylan

Age: 18

Role in the story: Secondary character, mentor figure for Lydia

Appearance: No solid design just yet. What I know for now is that he has sepia/brown skin, short hair, and mostly wears a faded blue hoodie over a black t-shirt and a pair of navy blue jeans. (Outfit might change with time)

Rapid fire info: -Co-leader of the Soldier’s Camp.

-Generally a relaxed, optimistic person who does his best to keep the morale of the camp high; he’s basically what Lydia wishes she could be, and he quickly takes her under his wing once he realizes how much she reminds him of both himself and Cynthia when they first arrived.

-Helps newcomers get settled in the Camp, and acts as mediator for disagreements; some joke that he’s essentially the camp’s HR guy, or sarcastically call him the “Camp’s Counselor”. Most of the younger members look up to him like an older brother, and it’s a role he’s happily taken to (largely as a way to cope with missing his family from Earth deeply - especially his younger sister, Dawn, who he was once very close with).

-Doesn’t talk about his own problems much to avoid troubling people, though most are aware that he gets severe anxiety upon hearing gunshots and will warn him if a movie or game will contain them. Everyone in the camp thinks he came out of the First Break War unscathed because of this, since he doesn't really show any signs of trauma from it. He absolutely did not.

-One of the few who spoke with Gamma before they died; as such, he’s one of the few soldiers who isn’t all that intimidated by his presence, and often goes to speak with Alice and Gamma on the camp’s behalf. One of his weekly chores is to just gather everyone’s requests and bring them to Alice’s Manor, since he’s the only one willing to do it.

-Used to be in the swim team in his school and played in a band with his two best friends - Tyler and Kieran - since the beginning of high school (he did guitar and backup vocals). He was also often among the top five highest-scoring students in many of his classes. Unfortunately, most of these skills and achievements are completely useless in the Realm, much to his chagrin.

-Still enjoys playing the guitar and regularly requests sheet music to learn new songs in his free time, as well as coming up with new ones on his own. Sometimes, he plays for Cynthia while they’re relaxing. He knows all of her favourite songs by heart at this point.

-Died in a school shooting.

Morgan

Age: 18

Role in the story: Secondary character

Rapid fire info: -Medic for the Soldier’s Camp

Appearance: Has albinism, so her hair is a very pale grey (long, but often pulled back into a bun, with lash-grazing bangs), her skin is pale and pinkish, and her eyes are red (which is actually very uncommon for people with albinism, but considering her spite towards Alice… Yeah, they weren’t always that colour). She’s noticeably tall compared to the others - probably around 5'10 - 6'1. She wears a plain white t-shirt with pale grey jeans under a long, burgundy cardigan that falls to the back of her knees in a silhouette similar to a lab coat. Her fingers and lips are permanently discolored from her death, stuck a greyish-blue.

Rapid-fire personality info: -Both a soldier and the senior of the camp’s two medics; she wants to give up her medical duties to stick to solely fighting instead, but she can’t bring herself to dump those responsibilities solely on Trinity’s shoulders.

-Had a rough upbringing where she was put under constant pressure to succeed that burnt her out, and the First Break War killed the last remnants of any optimism Morgan once had; now, she’s resentful towards the world and everyone in it for her shitty circumstances, lashing out at anyone who dares come close to her when she’s in a bad mood (which she nearly always is).

-Known for her sharp tongue, harsh criticisms of others, and tendency to estimate to newcomers’ faces how long she thinks they’ll live - usually no longer than a month - giving her a reputation for being cold and cruel. The twins have nicknamed her “The Ice Queen” because of this.

-At the same time, she is the most skilled soldier the Realm has, considering her incredible combat skill and her high amount of medical knowledge, and she works tirelessly to maintain that status; a perfectionist to her core, Morgan cannot stand being “only” second best.

-Has an ongoing feud with Sydney due to their clashing worldviews - Morgan believing Sydney’s a complete idiot who’s destined to get herself (and possibly others) killed with her thrill-seeking, Sydney believing Morgan’s a killjoy who’s dead set on making a shitty situation even shittier, especially for the newcomers who are already in an incredibly stressful position. Neither are entirely wrong, but neither are entirely right either.

-Is unlikely friends with Trinity, due to Morgan appreciating her dedication to her unwanted role and far better bedside manners, and Morgan does her best to keep her abrasive side to a minimum around Trinity to keep the kid from getting scared of her. Every day, Morgan resents the fact that Trinity ended up in the Realm at all, and she’ll do whatever it takes to keep her from suffering any more than she already has. (There might be a little projection happening there...)

-Isn’t afraid to get her hands dirty if it ends the war faster; to Morgan, the ends ALWAYS justify the means, especially if that end is a future where no one in the camp needs to suffer anymore.

-In what little downtime she allows herself, Morgan can usually be found reading fantasy novels in the camp’s library. Every now and again she’ll also paint with Trinity, if the kid invites her.

-Died of hypothermia

Sydney

Age: 16

Role in the story: Secondary character

Appearance: Has sort of amber-toned skin that’s patched with burn scars from her death, most prominently covering much of the right side of her head and almost the entirety of her hands and forearms. Since the right side of her head can’t grow much hair anymore, her short brown hair is styled into a comb-over, and she has light brown, orange-toned eyes. Wears a black leather jacket over a yellow shirt (which likely has some sort of flame pattern on it that gets covered up by the jacket) and shorts with spiked studs on the left side, with purposefully-ripped black leggings underneath.

Rapid fire info: -A former delinquent with a love of fire who fights Breaks with a nailbat (and occasionally flamethrowers) for the thrill of it all.

-The most Chaotic Good member of the team by far; she doesn’t give a shit about any rules if it means having a great time with her friends. She's decided that if she's stuck in a bad situation, then she's gonna have fun with it and live each day like it's her last.

-Has the most prominent death-scars of any of Alice’s soldiers, and while she was pretty self-conscious of them when she first arrived, she doesn’t really care anymore, proudly wearing outfits that have them on full display. It’s half posturing to make herself seem more badass, and half Sydney trying to show newcomers that their scars are nothing to feel ashamed of.

-An adrenaline junkie at heart. When there aren’t enough Breaks to fight, Sydney will start doing stupid stunts to get the same rush, much to Morgan’s intense chagrin; this directly led to their ongoing animosity in the Main Story.

-Helps train newcomers alongside Dylan; newcomers often see her as a cool big sister figure, but don’t tend to look up to her as much as they look up to Dylan, thanks to Sydney discouraging it and being far more irresponsible in general.

-She’s kind of the “if I just keep moving at all times then my problems can never catch me!!” type, and tries not to dwell on bad situations any longer than it takes for her to make a shitty joke about them.

-Has always had a certain love for fire, but the stressors of the Realm have turned it into honest pyromania; it’s well-known that when Sydney’s under a lot of stress or incredibly pissed off, she’ll gather random shit and start a bonfire somewhere out in the forest. She is single-handedly responsible for Alice forest-fire-proofing the woods around the camp.

-Is good friends with Troy and Bianca, and she often shirks her duties to hang out with them. They can often be found either in the Main Hall’s living room area watching movies, or in the Hall’s hidden rec room playing different party games with them. (Sydney adores action movies and fighting games the most, along with FPS games.)

-Died in a house fire.

Trinity

Age: 13

Role in the story: Secondary character

Appearance: Looks even younger than her age, with many newcomers mistaking her for being 10 or 11. Has fawn, freckled skin, and dirty blonde hair that’s always pulled into a tight braid over her shoulder, along with deep green eyes. Wears a short/cuffed-sleeve, green button-up shirt with a darker green scarf covering her entire neck, and khaki shorts with cuffs that just barely scrape the tops of her knees.

Rapid fire info: -A girl who turned out to be a medical prodigy, brought into the Realm when they needed medics most - which is all very convenient, isn’t it? :) As of the 'present day’ in story, she’s the junior of the two medics.

-Extremely timid around people - especially strangers - due to a history of severe bullying; it can take a newcomer weeks to hear her voice for the first time. However, she takes comfort in helping others and is prone to showing a slightly more confident side of herself when doing her job due to the sense of agency it provides her.

-Very self conscious of the bruise on her neck left by her death, often hiding it with a green scarf that also acts as something of a comfort item to her.

-Since she’s easily the youngest and most fragile member of the camp, all of Alice’s soldiers are extremely protective of her, doing whatever they can to keep her away from danger - Morgan especially so, to the point where she’s known to push Trinity away from people who may be dying so that Trinity doesn’t blame herself later if they do pass on.

-Tries to push Morgan to be less of a jerk to everyone around her; this works, but only when Trinity’s around, much to Trinity’s chagrin. Still, Trinity hopes that one day, Morgan can find some semblance of happiness, or at least peace.

-When she’s not in the infirmary, Trinity can be found either in her cabin painting, or in the greenhouse with her sketchbook. Natural landscapes and plants are her favourite subjects, and working on art helps to soothe her nerves. She’s pretty good at it for her age, too! Morgan’s cabin is full of her artwork, and she’s also given a couple pieces to Dylan and the twins.

-Died after falling out of a tree.

Troy

Age: 15

Role in the story: Secondary character

Appearance: I’ll be honest, I have basically nothing for this kid. I know he probably has shaggy ginger hair, and pale, freckled skin. He’s also probably pretty scrawny. That’s it. That’s all I’ve got for now. I kind of just imagine him as your average freshman tbh, lol

Rapid fire info: -Bianca’s twin brother

-The Realm’s only marksman, due to both how close-quarters Break combat tends to be, and due to Alice not wanting to constantly be using her energy to create ammo (and also to limit the amount of people who can kill her from long-range, should that ever become a problem). He uses specially-made airsoft guns that shoot pellets containing an Alice-made substance; it’s harmless towards humans with a sedative effect after around three to five shots, but an extremely potent acid when used on Breaks. This is largely due to the other soldiers fighting with melee weapons, along with one of their best fighters (Dylan) having trauma surrounding firearms; these guns were specifically made to look and sound different enough that they don’t set off any triggers for him while still being effective long-range weapons, though they do still make Dylan nervous to be around.

-Troy prefers machines and weapons to people; he can often be found tinkering with various devices around the camp or maintaining his guns to ensure they’re in tip-top shape. Meanwhile, he's often a bit awkward around people, especially those he's unfamiliar with, stumbling on his words and overthinking everything he says.

-The Resident Gamer of the group, with a particular love for retro arcade games. The most likely place to find him is in the camp’s hidden rec room, trying again and again to beat the nigh-impossible high scores Alice sets on each of the arcade cabinets when she makes them. He’s also a fan of FPSes and fighting games, and he and Sydney can spend hours competing to see which of them is the best.

-Has a bit of social anxiety not helped by Bianca pushing people away from the two of them, nor the fact that they were killed by a classmate who seemed perfectly harmless and friendly at first, giving him some trust issues that he keeps firmly under wraps.

-Knows he’s a bit boring compared to his sister and their best friend (Sydney), and it bothers him constantly, but he does his best not to let it show. He cares about both of them deeply in spite of this, especially Bianca - despite everything that's happened, she's still the closest person in his life.

-Knows that Bianca has issues due to their deaths, but doesn’t know just how bad those issues are, nor how to properly help her with them; he just does his best to be there for her and hopes it’s enough. (It’s not.)

-Generally just wants to make the best of the shitty situation he and his sister have been dropped in and stop the wars for good.

-Died by being stabbed three times in the chest.

Bianca

Age: 15

Role in the story: Secondary character

Appearance: Has shoulder-length, ginger hair often pulled into two short pigtails, along with pale, freckled skin and green eyes. Wears a large headbow shaped like a bat, along with a short-sleeved, almost retro-looking, knee-length, plain black dress with a red belt. The belt holds a large pocket knife, as well as a small sack full of throwing knives, in case of an emergency.

Rapid fire info: -Troy’s twin sister

-She and Troy were killed in the same incident - one that Bianca feels responsible for, as she’s the one who trusted their killer the most. Not only that, but she was forced to watch her brother die while being helpless to do anything to stop it. This has led her to become severely over-protective of Troy and extremely paranoid that anyone around them could turn out to be a wolf in sheep’s clothing without warning.

-Acts cheerful and air-headed around other members of the camp despite this; while part of it is a ploy to get people to underestimate her, it’s mostly genuine - a bit of her old self peeking through the cracks.

-Has a fixation on knives as a result of her death, seeing them as something powerful, but only as long as they’re in her hands. She’s even been known to threaten people she sees as threats to Troy at knifepoint, though she’s never followed through when called on her bluff. If anyone else wields a knife against her, she panics, sometimes even to the point of passing out.

-Came to trust Sydney after one such incident, where Sydney made it crystal clear to Bianca that she wasn’t about to hurt either of the twins. Looks up to the older soldier quite a bit, and she’s the only person Bianca full-heartedly trusts to be alone with Troy.

-Was just beginning to really experiment with aesthetics when she died, and while keeping her brother around is her number-one priority, she loves to DIY new decorations for her cabin and often requests different clothing from Alice.

-Died by being stabbed multiple times in the abdomen.

MIKAYLA'S SOLDIERS

Dawn

Age: 18

Role in the story: Secondary antagonist

Appearance: I don’t have much for her just yet. What I know for now is that she has sepia/brown skin, eyes that are so dark brown they’re nearly black, has long hair tied into several braids tucked into a ponytail, and probably wears entirely black. I like the idea of her wearing a caplet of some kind.

Rapid-fire info: -Mikayla’s first success in creating a ‘general’ for her army, through a torturous process that involved trapping Dawn in a series of ever-worsening nightmares that only Mikayla’s intervention would save her from. (Fun fact! This is heavily inspired by a pixel animation on YouTube called Marenol, as well as the song O Light by KikuoHana.)

-Much like Cynthia, her experiences have left her severely withdrawn and seemingly emotionless, though Dawn is much more apathetic and blunt. She’s become a woman of few words, only speaking in short, clipped sentences when necessary.

-Has grown resentful of her brother, Dylan, as after his death she felt he had to fill his shoes to keep her family happy; considering that Dylan was naturally gifted in a lot of different areas, this led to Dawn spiraling when she couldn’t live up to those same lofty expectations.

-Half-believes Mikayla when she says the Soldier’s Camp is inhabited by Alice’s Creations and not real humans; as such, Dawn can be ruthless and cunning on the battlefield, though she hesitates to actually kill anyone.

-Is deeply terrified of Mikayla, largely because she knows full well that Mikayla could trap her back in the looping nightmares at any point if she messes up.

-Once each sibling learns that the other is in the Realm, they’re gonna be in for a rough time…

-I don't have much for her yet, largely because I really wasn't sure what to do with her before this rewrite.

-Committed suicide.

The Oracle

Age: 17

Role in the story: Secondary antagonist/character

Appearance: A malnourished girl with unruly brown hair who wears a long white nightgown at all times. Her body is wrapped with bandages, the most notable of which being around her eyes; taking the facial bandages off is not recommended, as it typically results in the Oracle shrieking until they’re returned.

Rapid-fire info: -A failed experiment of Mikayla’s to get a human to use Life Force the way an Author can, largely in order to create someone capable of seeing into the future. In some ways, she did succeed, though she absolutely destroyed the Oracle’s mind in the process.

-The Oracle has lost all sense of self, forgetting her past life entirely and becoming incapable of truly perceiving the present when she isn’t being directly spoken to. As a meager form of coping, the Oracle has dedicated herself entirely to the idea of ‘destiny’, viewing it almost like a god.

-Seems to view Lydia as a kindred spirit, which freaks Lydia out a bit. It makes her worry that her own powers could end up leaving her in a similar state (though that’s largely because Lydia doesn’t know what exactly led to the Oracle’s powers).

-There isn’t too much to say about the Oracle, largely thanks to her playing a small role in the story and her lacking much in the way of personal agency for much of it due to her circumstances.

-Cause of death unknown; assumed to be suicide.

ALICE’S TEAM OF GUARDS:

The Serpent

Age: Has been around for about three years.

Role in the story: Basically set dressing lol

Appearance: A massive snake made of dark grey stone, about twenty feet long, with a human-like hand where the tip of its tail should be that it uses to hold onto the door to Alice’s Garden. It has two curved horns on the top of its head and a mouth full of sharp, stalactite-esque teeth. Its eyes glow different colours based on the feedback it's received; in its neutral state they’re light purple, when a riddle has been answered correctly they glow red (because Alice wanted to fuck with people, basically), and when someone has failed its test they glow bright green.

Rapid-fire info: -A living security system Alice set up over the door to her manor. At first, the Serpent only tested a creature’s ability to speak before allowing them passage, but Mikayla proceeded to alter the Breaks so a few could mimic human speech, so Alice altered it to tell riddles instead. If you fail three times, you’re eaten alive, and while it does slowly assimilate its victims into the raw meat that makes up its insides, any unfortunate human consumed would die of dehydration due to how long this process takes. Thankfully, Alice can typically figure out if a human’s been eaten within a day or so, and will usually get the Serpent to spit them out. She won’t help with the acid burns, though - that’s not her problem as far as she’s concerned.

-Largely lacks a personality, as it doesn’t require it to do its job. However, it does seem to have some opinions, as it respects Gamma quite a bit as the lead guard and has a mild distaste for the gargoyles’ antics.

-Will gladly answer questions asked to it (once its riddle is solved, of course), though its answers can be cryptic and lead to even further questions.

-Is the main reason Alice’s soldiers really don’t like visiting her manor, since it freaks them the hell out (and to be fair, the threat of being eaten alive would do that to most people).

The Gargoyles (El and Ar)

Age: About three years old.

Role in the story: Basically set dressing lol

Appearance: They basically just look like dragon-esque gargoyles, made of the same grey stone as the Serpent, that are about the size of a large dog. Each has gemstones for eyes, with El’s being sapphires and Ar’s being rubies. (Fun fact! These two were inspired by two identical lion statues my grandma has outside of her house, framing her front door, though the irl statues are MUCH smaller than the gargoyles.)

Rapid-fire info: -Created to guard Alice’s Manor personally once the human soldiers got their own camp, as well as clean up the mess left behind after Break attacks. They have pedestals outside of the Manor’s front door - El sits on the left, Ar sits on the right.

-Absolutely inseparable, mostly because these two have a single brain cell to share between the both of them and it spends all its time thinking about meat. They have a penchant for speaking in unison and finishing one another's sentences.

-Both of them have identical, almost manic personalities, and it would be impossible to tell one apart from the other if not for their differing eye colours.

-They’re basically the Realm’s janitors, eating leftover Break flesh once attacks finish to keep the Realm (and especially the Soldier’s Camp) nice and clean. The humans aren’t big fans of them, due to their winning personalities, and Gamma shares this opinion, largely thanks to the two of them shirking their duties more often than not to go hunting in the woods together. (Alice thinks they’re funny little guys, though.) Fortunately, they’ve been specifically programmed to find the taste of human flesh repulsive.

-The best way I can describe them is that they have seagull vibes. They’re like if you made a seagull the size of a dog and gave it the ability to speak.

Diver

Age: Less than a year old

Role in the story: Basically set dressing lol

Appearance: Its head is a massive, seven-foot-tall brass antique diving helmet, from which three immense tendrils made of some sort of black sludge protrude. It has no sensory organs to speak of, but it seems to be able to navigate just fine, even getting a bit too close to humans it gets curious about as if to get a better look at them.

Rapid-fire info: -Alice originally created this funky thing as an experiment, then liked it so much she gave it its own fountain in her backyard and made it a guard.

-Has about the same mental capacity as a toddler, and is prone to doing odd things when it gets curious about something; is known to climb on top of the Manor’s roof and stretching up as tall as it can in order to see outside of the walls surrounding it, which is mostly just seen as a nuisance.

-It still has the craving for Break flesh, like most of its carnivorous peers. It can absorb any organic material it wants through its sludge, though it seems to be able to choose what it does and does not want to assimilate into itself, as it doesn’t consume things like grass by moving over it.

-It isn’t allowed outside of the Manor’s walls like the gargoyles are - largely because Gamma fears it might consume a human if given the opportunity and wants to keep a close eye on any interactions it might have with them, just in case - and as such, the other guards need to regularly bring it Break flesh to feed on. (Something the gargoyles like to “forget” to do so they can keep it all for themselves.)

Blitz

Age: Has existed for a little over eight years

Role in the story: Basically set dressing lol

Appearance: A mis-match of parts from different Earth animals, with the body and fur of an adolescent black lab that hasn’t quite grown into their paws yet, a feline head, a fox’s tail and large ears similar to a lop-eared rabbit’s. The tips of his tail and ears are white, as if they were dipped in white paint. Blitz also has a small clock embedded in his forehead (and maybe on his shoulders and flanks as well, haven’t decided yet), and through the gears you can catch glimpses of his brain.

Rapid-fire info: -Calling Blitz a ‘guard’ is a bit of a misnomer, but he doesn’t really fit in any other category (aside from Alice’s Inner Circle, but it felt misleading to put him above Cynthia considering his unimportance to the narrative); he’s the first permanent Creation Alice ever made, and he’s around largely to be a companion creature, though he’s really just chilling.

-Has no tongue (Alice got so caught up making sure the rest of him was perfect that he gained consciousness without one), so he’s easily mistaken to be more animalistic than he is by the humans, but he’s really got the mind of a small child and can communicate telepathically with Alice and all of her Creations with ease. Alice could make him a tongue, and has offered in the past, but Blitz prefers this.

-Has not aged physically or mentally since his creation because he simply does not want to. Because of this, Gamma treats him like a beloved younger sibling despite Blitz technically being older than him by several months, even reading the little guy bedtime stories regularly. The affection is mutual, as Blitz admires his ‘Big Brother’ a whole lot. (Enough that Blitz uses he/him pronouns purely because Gamma does and Blitz thinks Gamma’s cool.)

-Blitz is almost as curious about the humans as Gamma is, mostly out of childish wonder at these strange new beasts in his home, but Alice and Gamma won’t let him go outside any further than the Manor’s gardens since he’d be easy Break food. He’s very happy in the rare times that humans do come and visit.

-Completely desensitized to gore and the like thanks to spending most of his time around Alice ever since he was made, but does get extremely sad when one of the humans or one of the guards die; he doesn’t fully get the concept of death, but he understands it just enough to know that it means he's never gonna see someone again. -Quite literally exists to sit around being cute. He’s very good at it!!

Some Random Timeline Bullshit:

Order of Arrival To The Realm: Cynthia (4.5 years before the main story (BMS)) -> Dylan (4 years BMS) -> Morgan (3.5-4 years BMS) -> Sydney (3 years BMS) -> Trinity (2.5 years BMS) -> Bianca + Troy (6-8 months BMS) -> Lydia + Sinclair (start of main story)

The First Break War happened around four years before the main story, lasting about a year and leading to the deaths of almost a hundred people. The Second Break War happened around a year and a half before the main story, lasting around six to eight months and leading to the deaths of a little over a dozen people.

#Universe 1 #The Gang's All Here #I FINALLY FINISHED THIS AAAAAAAAAAAAA-#I've been working on this for a little bit now and it was ALMOST completely formatted and ready to go last night #but then I had to go to bed for work.... once again my employment stands between me and my creative ambitions #but!!! here we are!!! now with like. double the characters.#honestly the best part of this to me is that it highlights that Gamma's weird as hell to the humans' side of the Realm #whereas on his side he's is the most normal person around by a fucking LANDSLIDE #also the header for Sinclair's section is just for fun lmao. like... every time they introduce themself in story it's the loudest shit #they monologue and everything and it makes me grin every time #so it just felt fitting #anyways!! yeah!! if you guys have any questions just let me know!!! I love talking about these funky fellas #gonna double-check this later just to make sure everything looks fine with my blog theme as well as replace the info page #but I'm gonna keep the old version up in post form for archival purposes!!#might reblog this in the future with more info on locations and stuff. but this is already enough of an info dump adhfgahjksgdfkjhas

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anulithots · 8 months

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Hi! @writeblr-of-my-own here! For the ask game

What is the Land of the Fallen Faries? And extra question, who inhabits it? How do you oc(s) interact with it?

Funny story. Technically technically my character's purpose is to destroy the Land of the Fallen Fairies.

Which poses quite the narrative dichotomy, I'm a fallen fairy myself, no matter how much Kamari denies it. To the dryads, We're the villains of the dryad's story, the very filth they're supposed to rid of.

But the Land of the Fallen Fairies is meant to be a safe haven for the fallen fairies, and I'm their antagonist. Their destruction, their great doom, their evil, final-battle antagonist and they should all fear me and despise my existence.

But they don't. And I cannot figure out the reason. Some backstory analysis may be needed, but it this is a major continuity error. I'm the antagonist to the antagonists. Why would they tolerate me? And no, I refuse to accept the "enemy of my enemy is my friend" trope. That one is utter nonsense.

......

Ah plot holes and darling murders, you wanted a whole exposition dump. Not... whatever this is. Deepest apologies. You can ignore everything above.

Okie dokie, so the Land of the Fallen Fairies is a subsection of the pixie archives and the pixie archives are mycorrhizal root systems between trees and they are actually this huge, interconnected, shared-but-separated consciousness between pixies. And pixies are fungal metaphysical beings with no set identity and backstory - like the four I know used to be one character, but separated a few years ago - making them the perfect candidates to manifest in these fluid metaphysical stories. It's wonderous actually! They test out all these characters and arcs and plotlines in this connected daydream world in a continuous searching for complexities, the darkest and brightest depths of existenc-

Sorry.

I tend to do that, a side effect of, myself? It's an extremely antagonistic quality of mine. Deepest apologies.

Ehrm... Back to the question <3

The Land of the Fallen Fairies - at least according to Naegi - was supposed to be a safe haven for the fallen fairies. There isn't really one in Trinity Hollow for physical bodies, so the pixies take care of the mental ones in the root systems. It sounds like found family trope to me, and I hope it is. That one is my favorite. (There isn't any obligations or expectations, one knows that their found family cares, because they do it out of their own accord.)

So.... Trinity Hollow has some backstory and I can't figure it out. What I do know is that I have to tip toe around most other fairies, lest they find out. Sometimes I wish they would.

And... oh I'll have to explain fallen fairies.

Urhm... I'm a fallen fairy, just... well I was supposed to share their fate. I've been told we're "spacy, like we aren't fully here" and that we're "filth" etc. etc. I - the four pixies don't let me meet the other fallen fairies, so I don't know if they mischaracterized them or not. (I often go to a wispy small dream where they live, since Floa has made a lot of enemies. It's our haven within the Land of the Fallen Fairies)

But they were right about me, that I'm sure of. I should've had the same ending as the others, where Kamari would take us away, never to be seen again.

At least... not by the dryads. (wow, look, transition. I'm great at prose. For sure. /sarcasm)

Pixies and dryads are in some sort of conflict... Bloom explained it to me once... ah plot holes. I'll ask faer about it, remind me please. (I will forget the moment the next sentence is spoken)

The basic motivation - at least from my character profiling - for letting the mental/ metaphysical fallen fairies have their own haven is because of spite... I think, don't quote me on that.

The pixies may have their narrative as something like - "They got rid of the brightest fairies"

Oh <3 It's like a huge redemption arc but not really based on the shifting narrative of different societies. They were villains for the dyads, helpful side characters for the pixies....

And my purpose is to destroy both of them. I've tried to fix myself. I've tried. Everything I do only makes it worse.

What sort of character does that make me?

#anuli the dryad #the land of the fallen fairies #writeblr #take care of yourself #anuli quote #creative writing #dryads #fiction #Anuli answers an ask #Anuli does worldbuilding.#hope that answers the ask #Anuli goes on rants and has to talk a lot to get to the essence of something #and by then most have stopped listening #and Anuli forgets what the essence was #WOW look #first ask #I tried

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marahilsining · 2 years

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The Rebirth of the Moth

Last year, on the 9th of September, in the middle of the afternoon, when I saw a little moth lingering in my window. Its color was as yellow as a rusted gold and painted over in a black-striped coat. I thought she would be gone later in the evening, but three days passed she's still there. I went near the moth hoping it would fly away but she did not move.

She died the same day I first saw her.

Hello! I’m Marah Jezreel Vicuña-Paglinawan, the creator of Marahil Sining. I have been existing and roaming within the cosmos for 21 years and now, I am on my third year as a Multimedia Arts student in Lyceum of the Philippines University-Laguna.

The moth in the picture, now the logo of Marahil Sining, is the same moth that I've told in the short story above. You might ask, what is the significance of that moth in my art identity? In this blogpost, I will share you a glimpse of how Marahil Sining and the moth came to be.

Marahil Sining was established in year 2020. There have been a lot of changes done with the name in which it reflected the experimental stages in my artworks, as seen in those photos above. When I first made the art page, it was named Zree on Mars, to reference my favorite song Life on Mars by David Bowie and the nickname Mars that my friends used to call me. Then it became Jezreel, my audience back then was just my close friends and families, and I thought the first name was not gaining their attention enough because it does not have my name on it, so I changed it into Jezreel. For the third time, I changed it again and it was then called Marahil, it was midnight, and something just drove me to change my art handle and Marahil was the first thing that comes up to mind. It was the quickest decision I’ve made among those two names that I’ve mentioned so I had doubts that I will regret it later, but morning came, and it finally struck to me what it meant to me and as an artist. For the fourth time, hopefully the last, I completed the name, and it is now called Marahil Sining.

Marahil is the most used word that I wrote into my poems. Maybe there is something about it that kept me holding unto it, something about its uncertainty, the lingering hope attached to it, the curiosity that it fed to, and how its nature is ever-changing. It also draws a parallel to the death of the moth which comically reflects the constant rebirth and unearthing my art persona. Just like the word Marahil, maybe I grew attached to the dead moth for such reason as knowing that she may get to have new life again after her tragic yet calm death in my window.

As I set forth for Marahil Sining's beginning, opportunities came and I took it. I thought having the experience of selling your art merchandise in your own school once was enough, but then I got to be invited by a much more inspiring and an advocate community of the arts to be their merchant. It has been both an honor and a priviledge to be there and to be surrounded by other talented artists and their extraordinary works.

At first, the sole purpose of this art page was just to be an art archive of my personal and school related art outputs, a dump, a mere space to look back to. I was not confident of my abilities because I was just beginning to finally focus on this path. But now, I’m becoming more hopeful and excited in what I will and can do as I look forward for Marahil Sining’s future.

Thank you for reading this blog. If you're here since the very beginning, to those elementary and highschool days of just being creative on mere assignments and projects, thank you for being there, cheering me on. Thank you for believing in me, I hope to have your support 'till the very end ♡

✰ ✰ ✰

https://www.facebook.com/marahjezreel.sining/

https://twitter.com/MarahilSining

https://www.instagram.com/marahilsining/

#first blog #art #multimedia art

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adagioapassionato · 5 months

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Thinking about…Indigo by RM. (A letter to Namjoon)

(I wrote the original text of this on the day of the album release. Many of my thoughts are linked to my first impressions, but I have added a lot to ensure it fits the style and theme of this blog! Nonetheless, in honour of one year since the release of Indigo, here are the words I want to say to Namjoon about it!)

Dear Namjoon,

Wow…it’s been – 10 months? – since I last wrote to you? Crazy. I think, eventually, the things I was thinking about began to feel like too much to dump on your head. But when I heard you were going to release Indigo, I knew I needed to come talk to you again.

The thought of listening to your album pulled me out of bed on this cold winter morning. I struggle to get up with these late sunrises, but you gave me something to look forward to. With the way I loved ‘mono.’ and wrote so much about it, I thought it was fitting to write about your second solo work, ‘Indigo.’

‘An archive of your 20s’. It’s interesting that you release this just as you turn 30, and just as I turn 20. I think it’s always interesting to look back at how far you’ve come when you reach such a milestone. I truly love how I have seen your personality flourish since ‘mono.’ From the RM who wrote about navigating loneliness and solitude in the world to an RM who showed colours of being carefree, grounded, wise, creative, and is growing closer and closer to himself. Every song on this album felt like observing different works in an art gallery, in an exhibition about RM. So, what you thought to put across came right through! I loved it dearly and listened to it on the way to college today. I even played it while studying later!

I’ll talk about the songs now. The only problem when I wrote to you about ‘mono.’ was that I had to keep it short since I planned for you to actually take time and read it, though I had so, so much to say about it.

1. Yun (with Erykah Badu)

From the first note, I could hear that you had worked with Erykah Badu on this. It has a blues feel that I enjoyed. The first thing that struck me about the song were these lyrics – “a finger pointing to a mountain/saying it’s the place I need to go now” and “Why would you veer onto a trail from the highway”. I was shocked that it was similar to lines from a poem I had written about the year 2020 – I wrote,

“January

was like a never-ending line

looked like a measuring scale

marked by goals and not numbers.

in February

the line joined another to form a path

that led to a lofty mountain in the distance.”

I won’t write the rest here now, but it surprised me how similar this thought was across both our experiences and writings.

Besides this, the whole premise of the song was beautiful: ‘You gotta be a human before you do some art’. It reminds me of ‘ON’s’ lyrics – “you gotta go insane to stay sane” – throwing yourself into art to feel level-headed amongst the madness of the world. And yet, your song took a different spin on this – it could mean, “gotta be human,” grounded and aware, to express your feelings clearly and articulately through art. However, being human before you do art could also mean that “you gotta go insane” – being passionate through your art – “to stay sane”, or human – making art passionately is inherently what makes us human. I really love the way this song deals with trying to find your purpose and direction through the art you make, by taking inspiration from an artist that you look up to so greatly. You wrestle with the difficulties of going solo after years beside a team and then accept that it’s always been in you to do something different, unconventional and impactful – much like making a song based entirely on what it means to make art, drawing on the works of your favourite painter. This song felt like listening to a painting – it’s truly masterful and I’ve never heard anything written like this in my life!

2. Still Life (with Anderson .Paak)

I wrote so much about Yun and it wasn’t even my favourite song on the album! Okay, Still Life – it was a really fun number that was gentle and energising to listen to. I love the paradox of ‘Still Life’ being something that ‘carries on’, and embodying that in the way you live. My mother, who paints still life in the traditional Dutch technique, told me something interesting about it too. She said that still-life paintings came about with the rise of the merchant class, and they essentially portrayed their rich and decadent lifestyles. Each item portrayed in a still life has meaning – these meanings often relate to the fleeting nature of life, of wealth, of such decadence. So, in a way, still life is really something that is always “moving” and going forward. Though it’s “still”, capturing a specific setting or moment, it lets that moment carry on forever. But it also shows how fleeting every moment is through the objects it portrays. I wonder if you knew this, but when my mother told me this, I immediately thought about your song!

I’m thinking about the multiple ways you interpreted the words ‘still life’ in these lyrics. You describe yourself as a ‘still life’ as above – a painting, an artwork on display to others in all its grandeur as a famous member of BTS. But also, you’re “still life (still alive)” – your life continues to move and change – you “can’t be locked in the frame” and are always moving, changing and flowing with where life takes you. Where you also say “I calmly live errtime,” it made me think that the word ‘still life’ actually comes from the Dutch ‘stilleven,’ which literally means something like ‘quiet life,’ ‘still (as in silent, calm) life’ – despite everything you show off, you still try to find moments of calmness and stillness in an ever-changing life through your love for art and knowledge. As you end the verses with the lyrics “look at my stain,” I hear once again how you want to make an impact through your art – while you may change, your personality and life may change, the impact that your art has will be constant, much like a still life. Another incredibly insightful song made with beautiful metaphors from the art you are so passionate about!

3. All Day (with Tablo)

Can I first say that it warmed my heart that you worked with Tablo!! I know how you’ve looked up to him and it was beautiful to see you both come together – your voices mesh so well! This was another energising hip-hop number that I enjoyed. I particularly loved hearing Still Life transition into All Day – the similar rhythms and melodies at the beginning made it an excellent choice to put them one after another on the album.

This song sounds fun and energetic and always has me dancing along, but the lyrics are truly very insightful. I really enjoyed your take on the algorithm and information age – “Fuck the AI, fuck the algorithm/I need to think, fuck all the rhythm/My biorhythm gives me no time to think…” The poetry of these lyrics is amazing and wonderfully captures the repetitive way that AI and algorithms feed us information and content, preventing us from thinking on our own. Thus, we really are fighting to live life authentically and find our true selves when we’re surrounded by machines trying to tell us what to think. I love how these first few tracks focus on retaining your humanity, purpose and drive when the world is against you . In ‘Yun,’ you focus on the importance of ‘being human till the death of you', in ‘Still Life,’ on moving forward and not being locked into a single idea of yourself, and with ‘All Day,’ on the importance of dreaming, living and having your own perspective in an age where you’re constantly fed information, beliefs and thoughts. It was really a different perspective on things and I enjoyed listening to this song!

4. Forg_tful (with Kim Sawol)

I really liked this song a lot. It was one of my favourites with the gentle guitar melody and I felt so comforted by your wonderful singing voice! The song conveys an anxious sadness beautifully. I really like this lyric – “I’m sorry, I have so many thoughts/I don’t have enough memory.” The double metaphor between forgetting regular things when your mind is too cluttered with worries, and being a phone or laptop that’s running out of storage because it’s filled with too many things is wonderful. Trying to go through the motions when you’re struggling can make you feel much like you’re a machine running on empty. “With numerous thorns/The morning that comes and goes/In my own way/I am anesthetising myself…” I loved how this captures the feeling of your repeating thoughts taking over days and nights, such that you feel numb to everything and days pass by you. The song reminds me of a sudden moment of quiet contemplation – it feels like suddenly finding yourself alone in an empty field, and realising that the constant slew of your thoughts has made you numb, forgetful, and bare, much like this song’s simple accompaniment and melodies.

5. Closer (with Paul Blanco and Mahalia)

6. Change Pt. 2

Haha, it’s late and I’m getting tired now. But I really do want to mention each song.

I really enjoyed listening to Closer – it presented a completely different façade of your music that I hadn’t heard before. I really enjoyed listening to a painful love song from you – something I had not heard in a while! The song conveys a very deep sense of yearning and beautifully shows the feeling of parting from someone. The repetitive rhythms in your verses at the beginning convey frustration and pain. Meanwhile, Paul Blanco’s verse completely changes up the vibe of the song, creating a suave tone which feels like reminiscing on intimate moments spent with someone you lost. The outro, meanwhile, felt like a resigned acceptance of the situation – you’ve truly lost this person, there’s no “take two” and you force yourself to let them go despite how painful it is.

Change Pt.2 was a song with a very cool vibe! It grew on me after I listened to it a few times. The saw synth creates a very raw and angry noise when you sing "Fuck that wiki, fuck all those infos" and describe how people are stuck on old ideas of you and don't realise you have changed. The grating sound of the saw synth matches the anger you’re conveying to people who don’t see your growth. But suddenly, after the second chorus, "things change people change" I hear blues chords on piano – it's a refreshing and gentler sound, followed by "you gotta admit it/don't you get it still/someday a great grief will take over you.” Your anger seems to change into a calm, nonchalant acceptance that people who stick with the old versions of you and don't see your growth will face consequences. Those who treat you wrong will get their karma. All you can do is move on and accept that you will keep changing in the future. I truly loved how you used the music to convey these thoughts.

7. Lonely

This was my favourite song on the album! I think writing about loneliness is just so universal. As someone who has felt lonely a lot, I connected with the song easily.

The guitar and simple melody and beats were pleasing to my ears. I think this song paints a different picture of loneliness compared to other songs you have written about it. Songs like ‘uhgood’ sounded dark and grey, like a deep sadness. But ‘Lonely’ sounds blue, it contains sadness but also frustration and a wish for change. While the other songs seemed to skirt around the feeling of loneliness, (“feeling out place hurts so much/unless you experience it you won’t know it”) and approached it cautiously, as though not wanting to accept it, ‘Lonely’ screams it out loud and hits the heart instantly (“I’m fuckin’ lonely/somebody love me”). Something about the sound of the song gave off the vibes of a city of tall buildings passing by you in a car – you watch life pass by while you feel lonely and too small amongst the largeness of a foreign place.

I’m not sure when you wrote this among the years you’ve archived. But I do hope this feeling has passed you by. I wonder where you wrote this and which city inspired it. You helped me greatly during my times of loneliness – I truly hope that we, or anyone at all – can do the same as you did for me. I cherished this song since I first connected with your music over this feeling.

8. Hectic (with Colde)

I was most excited to see you working with Colde!! You introduced me to his music when you recommended his song ‘Poem (Shhh)’, and since then I have grown to really appreciate his music. I really liked this song too and I think your voice fits beautifully with Colde’s. You are both two of my favourite rappers/singers, so it was a collaboration I really awaited.

I thought the introductory 7 seconds of the song truly captured its essence. The tempo of the beats at the beginning seems to be getting faster, but really, their tempo is the same. The only thing that changes is the volume and the fade-in of the cymbal. I feel like that completely fits the theme of a stressful and hectic day. It specifically portrays the feeling of being stressed or burnt out because of familiarity, because of doing the same thing again and again. It feels like everything is speeding up around you and you can't keep up. But truly nothing's changed – it's the over-familiarity and stickiness of your routine which grows louder and seems to make everything so stressful. It's interesting because you speak of living in Seoul and your busy schedules and life in this song and convey it so simply in just 7 seconds.

I see a lot more frustration in the lyrics from Tracks 4/5. It was interesting to listen to this and think about how hectic city life gets. People often have long days that begin very early and end very late at night, with long commutes and busy work hours – ‘endless chasing’ to make their living that seems romantic at first in a big city, but really ends up being quite tiring. And yet, people in these big cities still have a strange attachment to the place they live in and the life they have, despite how crazily tiring it is – “we still love and hate this city”. I think you both captured this feeling beautifully and I was so happy to listen to how a collaboration between two of my favourite artists turned out!

9. Wild Flower (with youjeen)

This song broke my heart, honestly. I can barely bring myself to write about it because it’s so emotional and I’m not sure what I could say when you’ve expressed the deepest feelings of your heart so wonderfully to us. I remember listening to you during the Festa Dinner and I was pained because even then, I could sense the exhaustion you were feeling. But with this, you opened your heart up to us, and I truly hope your time away will give you some respite.

Your voice is open and filled with raw emotion as your describe how your passion, “yearning for flames” truly started to burn and you now wish for a “barren field.” A place where fame is not blooming, exploding, stimulating you constantly like a wild flower field, while you desperately try to figure out your next steps in a world that has its eyes on you. I love how you twist the lines “where’s your soul, where’s your dream” from your song Persona. Persona comments on the human sense of identity and how learning who you truly are is something you go through all your life, and thus you never truly know your “soul” or “dream” which constantly changes. However, Wild Flower uses these lines in a much more emotional way – asking them as serious questions with a sense of, “when did I lose my passion?” where did my soul and my love for my dreams go in the midst of achieving them?" Youjeen’s emotional voice on the chorus only adds to the beauty of this song and it truly reaches straight to the heart. I know you feel like you cannot go on and are losing touch, and in those moments, stopping is the best you can do. The fact that you continued with such vigour despite these feelings, for our sake, is so admirable, and I truly hope you know that we have been proud of you with every choice you have made.

I cannot convey how much I do think that whatever you did these past two years was impactful and that truly, I do not know what my life would be without you all. I have said it many times, and I will say it again, but you are indeed so, so impactful. You are not speaking silence at all. I hope you are able to rediscover your purpose, dreams, destination and happiness. We will wait for you till then and will always support what you do. You don’t have to be like others to us, we just want you to show us you, however you choose to do that. Thank you for sharing these very personal emotions with us. We will wait in the purple ocean for your return from the flower field.

10. No. 2 (with parkjiyoon)

This song felt like a direct opposite to Wild Flower – the opening notes are similar, but the message is completely different. With the previous one, you look back on the past, wondering where your passion and dreams went and how to move forward through the exhaustion. With No.2, you remind yourself that through everything, you’ve always done your best with what you know and thus it’s best to not look back at past mistakes constantly when life “remains like a bonus” to be lived right before you.

The first verse is unconventional, saying “I smile/that I ain’t gotta prove myself/That I ain’t the one/That I ain’t the shit” – usually these are compliments, but it seems you take the pressure off yourself, saying that it’s okay if you’re not perfect, if you’re not all that, so long as you learn, pick yourself up and move forward, living life just as it comes. This song feels so gentle, almost like a hug and a pat on the head. This was such a hopeful and reassuring ending to the album – a beautiful message about accepting yourself and all your past mistakes. I enjoyed the vibe of the song and it was definitely one of my favourites!

Overall, thank you for Indigo. I really enjoyed it and have been listening to it again and again in order, like you recommended. It flows beautifully, showing the beliefs, then the feelings, and lastly, the hopes of Namjoon in his twenties. You created it masterfully, with some very talented creators!

I hope you’re resting a bit after the album release. I hope you know we are really enjoying it. I loved seeing your thoughts about it on Weverse – reading a long letter from you always cheers me up. I hope you share some behind stories soon for the album – I would really love to hear more about it!

As always, I love you and miss you. I hope you’re staying warm and healthy in the winter.

Lots of love x

#writing #music #adagio apassionato #bts #rm #kim namjoon #namjoon #suga #jin #jimin #indigo by rm #jungkook #jhope #v #kpop

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kerlonlabel · 2 years

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Testdisk none partition

TESTDISK NONE PARTITION HOW TO

TESTDISK NONE PARTITION WINDOWS

repair the partition table and restore deleted partitions.

TESTDISK NONE PARTITION WINDOWS

The advantage of a character-based user interface is the high portability between platforms such as Windows and Linux. Programs that can also be controlled via text mode are the BIOS, Midnight Commander or Norton Commander. The display in TestDisk is therefore flat and not line-oriented and completely menu-driven via the text mode. The term TUI was coined late as an equivalent to the graphical user interface (GUI, Graphical User Interface) and to delimit the user interface based on command input (Command Line Interface, CLI). TestDisk comes with a character-oriented user interface (TUI, Text User Interface). PhotoRec ignores the file system and only scans the underlying data. from a severely damaged or formatted file system. PhotoRec, as a counterpart and supplement to TestDisk, is able to restore files such as images, videos, documents, archives etc. Under its inconspicuous surface, TestDisk also comes up with some very surprising and powerful functions that not only instantly restore lost partitions, but also, in the case of a damaged file system or bad sectors, often copy data that is no longer displayed under Windowsto another intact disk. The experience you’ll gain from practicing is invaluable.The primary purpose of TestDisk is to restore lost partitions and make non-booting hard drives bootable again if the problem is caused by faulty software, certain types of viruses, or human errors (such as accidental deletion of the partition table) has been. If you’re only experimenting, though, it’s safest to do so on a separate, test machine.Īnd please do experiment. As long as you previously made a backup of the drive you are attempting to rescue, this tool is generally safe to experiment with when trouble happens. Or, you can use TestDisk to detect files with the List menu option: Partition Start End Size in sectors To repair the filesystem using alternate superblock, runįsck.ext4 -p -b superblock -B blocksize device Doing this can help TestDisk locate a backup Superblock, enabling you to use mkfs to recover the data like so: Disk /dev/sdb - 1939 MB / 1850 MiB - CHS 1018 60 62 You can then use Scalpel on the image to recover individual files.Īlternatively, you may know the partition and filesystem type ( Type), in which case you can dictate how TestDisk treats the data. Armed with the partition’s boundaries, you can dump this partition's data to an image file: Partition Start End Size in sectors Successful analysis unlocks several new options in the Advanced menu. If the only lost data you are recovering from is the loss of a partition map, then at this point, you can use this data to recreate that map using GNU Parted. In this case, the lost partition was named wreck, and TestDisk successfully discovered its boundaries. Running TestDisk on an example lab thumb drive returns this analysis: TestDisk 7.0, Data Recovery Utility, April 2015ĭisk /dev/sdb - 1939 MB / 1850 MiB - CHS 1018 60 62 The typical workflow is to analyze and then recover. Here you can analyze files, recover them, or modify the disk’s geometry and options. Once you choose a partition scheme, TestDisk offers its main menu. TestDisk attempts to detect the correct partition map, but if you know better, you can override its guess with a specific location. > EFI GPT partition map (Mac i386, some x86_64.) Please select the partition table type, press Enter when done. testdisk_static /dev/sdxĭisk /dev/sdx - 1939 MB / 1850 MiB - General UDisk TestDisk is an interactive application, so begin by pointing it to the victim device or image. TestDisk is less focused and more flexible than Scalpel, so how you use this tool depends on the situation. You can find more on using Scalpel in an upcoming article. This tool may be able to recover your data on its own, or you might use it in conjunction with Scalpel-a file extraction tool-by first using TestDisk to obtain a disk image, and then scanning the image for file types with Scalpel. TestDisk attempts to recover lost partition data and any lost files within the bounds of the recovered partition. The first time you don’t have to resort to TestDisk because you have a backup image, the planning and preparation pay for themselves in both time and peace of mind. Note: If you don’t have a mandatory backup plan, implement one now. One tool to turn to when it’s time to recover lost files or filesystems is TestDisk. Unfortunately, accidents happen, and hardware fails.

TESTDISK NONE PARTITION HOW TO

In How to prevent and recover from accidental file deletion in Linux, we addressed local and remote backups, how to reduce your file recovery drama with smart management of file deletion commands, and general best practices for responding to file recovery emergencies.

#Testdisk none partition

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allyouneedisbuck · 3 years

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i don’t wanna do this (i don’t wanna lose this)

eighteen plus blog minors dni

summary -> it’s all fake, every piece of it scripted and perfected for the camera, even the upcoming break-up you pretend doesn’t break your heart.

words -> 2.5k

warnings -> fake relationship, use of name (bucky calls the reader by her character’s name, lucia, once) nickname uses (baby, sweetheart) co-workers/friends to lovers, no smut, not beta’d

notes -> this is for the lovely maera’s ( @ambrosiase ) hotel indigo writing challenge i absolutely love this idea mae and am so appreciative that you created this challenge, it really pushed me out of my comfort zone and i got to explore an entirely new au.

room & service -> business meets pleasure with celebrity bucky barnes -> bucky and reader are co-stars in a fake relationship in a hotel for their final comic-con together.

— ➶ —

Bucky has been doing interviews with Sam all day today.

You’ve been working together for six seasons and have both been to too many comic-cons to count. Every single one of them you and Bucky had been paired up to do interviews and photo-ops together.

A scripted piece of a scripted relationship. Agreed upon when your characters romance began to pick up popularity and designed to look perfect until the end.

Tomorrow an article with be released ‘leaking’ the details of your perfect break-up too. A source close to the both of you will comment that wrapping of the show and being forced to go long distance just wasn’t working for you two. The writer will supply photos of today, the two of you avoiding sitting near one another and not speaking. They’ll write that their source confirmed this convention is actually the first time you’ve seen each other in months.

Even more articles have already been planted periodically questioning whether the two of you were still together, generating buzz around the show and what happens between your characters. It’s a brilliant job, honestly.

Except, you and Bucky had been in a fake relationship for so long, it had begun to feel real. This distance between you two felt purposeful in a way that hurt you more than it ever should have.

Your assistant is supposed to go through your instagram soon and begin archiving posts and pieces of your fake life with Bucky. He’s been glaringly absent from your social media recently and it makes your heart ache at the idea of him being nonexistent.

Your fans have noticed too. You read comment after comment all asking the same thing; What happened to you and Bucky?

“Oh, Lucia! My dear, Lucia.” You bite down a grin at the sound of Bucky’s voice through your door. His words were filtered by the wall between you and a little slurred from the drinks he had no doubt consumed at the hotel bar. “Open the door, please.”

You lock your phone and lay it on the bed beside you. “I’m busy, Bucky! Go bother Sam.” You call back despite already walking towards the door.

“Bother Sam? On our last night together?” You can see Bucky smile teasingly though the peephole. Despite his joking tone the words hurt. “Four years together and this is how things end? Through a hotel room door?”

His fist comes up to bang against the door and a hand comes up to his heart. He’s putting on a show for you, fully away of your eye watching carefully through the peephole. “How much have you had to drink, Bucky Barnes?” You ask as the door remains closed.

Bucky holds his fingers up in a pinch too small to be true. “Not much.” When his hand falls back to his side he smiles up at the peephole. “Let me in, sweetheart. I’ve missed you.”

You melt, becoming putty in his hand as you quickly move to unlatch the door. “I’ve missed you too.” You admit to him, face to face, as you lean against the door jam.

A smirk replaces Bucky’s sweet smile as his hands reach out to grip your hips. “This break-up is tough on me, baby.” He pushes you into the room, kicking the door shut behind him. “One more night. One last time. You and me.”

“Shut up!” You force his hands off of you and turn towards the mini bar in your room. “You’re such a dweeb. I’m glad we’re breaking up.” You pull out the miniature bottle of wine and twist the top off.

Bucky’s hand slams across his chest as he falls against the wall in dramatic fashion. “You’re… Glad? My frail heart can’t take it,” he falls to his knees, “Please. Tell my mother, I loved her.”

You watch, unamused, as Bucky falls to the floor in front of you. “You’re obnoxious.” A beaming smile breaks out onto Bucky’s face that makes you grin.

“I was serious, about missing you.” Bucky moves to sit up with his back against the edge of your bed. You move to sit beside him on the floor. “These junkets and photos just aren’t the same without you by my side, cracking jokes in my ear.”

You rest your head against his shoulder. “Me too. I love Wanda, but it’s just not the same.” You admit quietly.

There’s so much that you want to say to him. What if this wasn’t fake? What if we didn’t go through with the break-up plan? “Did they send you our social media plan?” Bucky asks quietly.

“Yeah,” You swallow thickly, “I have my assistant going through my account for me soon. We’re supposed to start untagging and deleting photos of each other this week.”

Bucky snorts. “How fucking sweet. Four years together and they have us untag each other to confirm a break up.” His fingers tap against his thigh as the two of you sit on the carpeted floor together.

“Has it really been four years?” You ask quietly. It’s more of a question to yourself, but Bucky answers it with a nod anyways.

“My longest relationship ever and it was fake.” Bucky’s awkward laugh makes the air tense as he stares down at his hands. “I’ve wasted so much of my life. So many chances gone.”

You know the words aren’t said with ill intent, but that doesn’t stop the crack from forming in your heart. You can’t fathom the idea of all your time together, fake or not, being a waste.

Your eyes cut away from him in embarrassment. “Was it really all a waste?” You ask quietly. The words are unintentional, but that doesn’t change the fact that they’re out in the air.

“What?” You can feel his eyes settle on you in an attempt to read your face or body language, but a career in acting comes in handy. Your back is ramrod straight and your face turned away perfectly to hide the emotions in your eyes. “It was fake when we could have had something real with people we actually cared about.”

It’s a knife to your broken heart. “People we actually care about?”

“You know, like, other girls and guys who we wanted to pursue but couldn’t because of the contract.” Bucky reaches out to wrap a hand around yours, but you pull away. “I don’t understand what’s wrong here.”

You shake your head, the regret of your words settling over you. “Nothing. I’m just… It’s been a long day.” You use the edge of the bed to help you stand while Bucky remains on the floor, watching you in confusion. “I’m tired, you should go.”

“Woah. What’s this one-eighty?” Bucky stands too and follows you as you move around to gather your toothbrush and skincare. “Two seconds ago we were joking about a fake break-up and now you’re all quiet and weird? You expect me to just leave?”

“Please.” You plead. The last thing you want to do is dump all your feelings out to Bucky, on the last day you two were officially contracted to each other, and make him feel guilty for feeling free. “I just need to be alone, Buck.”

You move to push past him towards your bathroom, but Bucky’s hand wraps around your wrist. “Come on, sweetheart. Don’t do this closing yourself off thing.”

“I’m not.” You say stubbornly. “I’m tired.” You try again to move past him, but his grip only tightens as he forces you to actually face him. “Buck-“

“You can tell me, you know?” He says quietly as his grip slackens. Your eyes meet his, pools of blue staring back at you with something akin to hurt. “You can trust me. We’re best friends, right? You’re my-“

“You don’t have to lie to me, Bucky. Pretend to care. You can go back to the bar and…” You pull your hand from him and cross your arms over your chest. “And tomorrow we can start being with people we actually care about.”

Bucky’s eyes squeeze shut as his own words are repeated back and left out in the open between you two. “That’s not what I…”

“What did you mean then?” You cut him off. You want to sound angry, but your tone is sad and tired. “Enlighten me, please.”

“I just meant… I meant we could date who we wanted to date, I didn’t mean for it to sound so awful.” He answers quietly. “I care about you a lot. We’ve been friends for over half a decade, of course I care about you.”

You swallow thickly. “What if I don’t want to date anyone else?” You force yourself to ask. If not now, then when? Ten years from now at a reunion of your show? You couldn’t live with this what if.

“What?” Bucky’s hand falls from your wrist as he takes a step back like your words have burned him.

You push through the thundering of your heart and ringing in your ears to ask, “haven’t you ever thought about it? I mean, four years of just us, all those dates and premieres, was it really all just work for you?”

“I don’t know… I mean…” Bucky rubs a hand over his jaw as you stare at him expectantly. “Have you?”

“I asked the question I think that would imply…” You trail off as his answer weighs down on your mind. It feels like a no. No. No. No. It’s on repeat in your mind as you move to sit down on your bed. “After a while the dates and photos and sappy posts didn’t feel all that forced anymore.” You admit quietly.

Bucky paces silently in front of you. You’re unsure of what’s going through his mind as he does it and it’s all you can do to not tap anxiously as you watch.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” He finally asks when he finally pauses in front of you. You look up at him unsure of what to say. “I mean… When did you start…” He trails off like he doesn’t want the answer.

You look down at your hands in your lap. Despite your worries in telling Bucky you guess you had never truly thought of this conversation ending up this way. All these questions felt like Bucky preparing for a gentle rejection.

“I don’t know. After our second anniversary?” You keep your answer to him vague despite you being fully aware of when you started seeing Bucky differently. “That post you wrote for me that day. All the ones after. All of those words were fake?”

Your mind drifts to his words that day. The sweet and short caption had made butterflies erupt as you scrolled through the photos he had posted with it. Despite you both being required to post something, the photos he had chosen had been entirely genuine.

Pictures the two of you had taken together on set, selfies during your fake dates, and even a sweet set of photo booth pictures from your first premiere together.

You had stared at the post far too long as emotions rushed through you. Your heart raced at the idea of Bucky taking his time to pick photos that meant something to the both of you.

“I think that..” You shake your head in an attempt to rid yourself of the painful reminders. “I think you should go.” You stand up suddenly, your hands pushing gently at his chest.

Bucky’s eyes widen as his hands come up grip your arms in an attempt to stop you. “Woah. Let’s talk about this. I’m just trying to figure everything out.”

“Figure it out? What is there to figure out, Bucky?” You cry out, shoving harder. “If you don’t know how you feel then you should figure it out on your own.” You move past him to open the door.

Bucky follows after you hastily. “Sweetheart, wait, please. I just need a moment.” You grip his forearms tightly using Bucky’s own momentum against him as you guide him to the hallway outside your room. “I wasn’t expecting this. We have articles and photos and interviews planned about a break-up tomorrow.”

“I shouldn’t have said anything, Bucky.” The two of you are back where your night began. Opposite sides of the door as you stare, unsure of what to say. “Let’s just pretend this never happened, okay? The article will be published and we’ll confirm it and life will move on.”

The door slams shut in his face without warning, not giving him a chance to say anything else. You stare blankly at the ugly, green shade its painted in silence as you remind yourself; It was all fake. A script you had been given and followed to a tee. One you had gotten too caught up in.

You’re feelings don’t change the ending.

There’s a slow knock on your door. You suck in a breath as you move to open it an apology on the tip of your tongue.

“Bucky.” You’re cut off as his hands come up to rest on your cheeks and he pulls you towards him. Anything you had to say dissipates as his lips meet yours in a bruising kiss.

Your hands come up to grip his t-shirt tightly as you kiss him back your tongue slipping into his mouth while he pulls you flush against his body.

An arm wraps around your waist and Bucky pushes you back into your room, his foot kicking your door closed harshly.

The back of your knees hit the edge of your bed and you finally pull away to look at Bucky, but he speaks before you can say anything.

“Of course I’ve thought about it.” He breathes out. His eyes are wide with nerves and his cheeks flushed red. The sight of it mixed with his kiss makes your heart pound. “I’ve thought about kissing you for real, not in a room filled with crew and cameras. About what it would be like to be on a date where paparazzi hasn’t been tipped off. Baby,” his hands rest on your cheeks again as he forces your eyes to meet his, “I’ve thought about it all. What it would be like to be with you, to really be with you in every way. Sometimes it’s all I think about when we’re together.”

You take pause, your eyes widening and hands freezing in place as you listen to what he’s saying. “Why didn’t you say anything then? Why’d you just pace and ask me all those questions?”

“Because I’m an idiot.” He smiles brightly when you giggle. “Because I couldn’t believe you actually felt the same way. I was in shock.” He presses a gentle kiss to your lips.

You smile up at him softly. “What do we do about the article tomorrow?” You whisper your question.

You feel giddy with excitement as Bucky’s hands land on your hips to hold you in place, flush against him. “We deny it.”

“What about our managers?” Your smile doesn’t fade even as stress over the situation arises. “And…And our separate interviews tomorrow?”

“What are they gonna do? Fire us?” Bucky smiles. “We’ll tell them all about how in love we still are. That the source in the article was a dud and we’ve just been private recently as the show wraps.”

“We will?” You ask quietly. Your heart racing at his words. “You want to say all that?”

Bucky nods his head. “I do.”

You don’t say anything else he leans in for another kiss, you could worry tomorrow.

Bonus -> The Next Day

liked by buckybarnes, samwilson and 134,759 others

yourinstagram the final season of our show premieres this weekend and we’re so excited for you all to see how it ends. the first photo is from tonight and the second from our first season! the past six years has brought me so much joy and i’m so grateful for everything this show has given me. most importantly though, i’m thankful for you, bucky barnes. my adrian to my lucia. my best friend. my lover. thanks for making this show so fun.

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samwilson we made a great show. love you guys.

buckyfan thought y’all were a pr stunt lmao

yourinstagram apparently you’re not supposed to really fall in love for those to work…

buckybarnes i am most grateful for you. you made work worth it every god damn day.

yourfan my favorite couple on and off the screen.

— ➶ —

notes -> this is my first ever time joining a writing challenge, it really pushed me to work through block and focus on this instead of letting is die out like i have with other projects despite liking them so much!

(hoping you guys don’t hate the extra instagram idea, i just felt it fit in!)

hopefully you enjoyed and if you did, reblogs are greatly appreciated!

#the hotel indigo writing challenge #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #james bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x f!reader

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sakasakiii · 3 years

Note

Do you have any original characters? Whether for Tolkien or in general

hello nonnie!!! eeeeee i was actually really surprised and excited to receive this ask! LONG POST INCOMING warning cuz its time for Rin's Ramblings again

i do have two ocs actually! although i haven't paid them much mind up until recently 😂 I wanted to write Ithilos as an extra healer into that one AO3 story where Elrond performs emergency surgery on Maedhros (and i never did!!!). Marildë came from a concept headcanon I had waaay back in January where I was obsessed with the thought of Maglor having kids (twins??) of his own back in Valinor, but unfortunately being unaware that his wife was pregnant up until just before he had to depart to M.E with the Noldor (something that eats him up like crazy but hasn't been able to tell anyone but Maedhros)

heheh so yeyeye... these are my Tolkien ocs!!! although they had been banished to the Void of my mind up til u asked hehe. When it comes to OCs I absolutely ADORE though, @astral-romances has Aredhel's triplet children I have had utter the delight of getting to know better recently, so go check them out if you haven't already!! (they are so SO cute pls stan Walya and Canyo) 🥺

now in response to the second part!! i uh,, i do have non-Tolkien ocs actually 👉👈 i wont go on about them too much here lolol, but ill place the rest under the cut due to it not rly fitting in with the theme of this blog!

when i was a fandom drifter last year i used to work on my own stories WAY more, but now that I've been into the Silm consistently (its the longest fandom I've ever stayed in cuz it has such a lovely community!!) I barely draw them anymore... but here are some sketches of assorted ocs from all my various stories:

they all come from different ones, but all exist in the same overarching world... I won't ramble about it too much here, but I do have a side blog where I sometimes dump old sketches/art I find when I'm digging through my sketchbooks for archiving purposes. So the stuff there is probably way more detailed than my response here!

still though, THANK YOU NONNIEeeEE im so very flattered you asked!! sorry I ended up rambling more than answering your question LMAOOO but im very grateful i had a chance to talk about these guys for a lil while!! 💓💓 thanks again and i hope u have a wonderful rest of your week!

#rin replies #anon asks #i just realised i missed the chance to post this during tolkien oc week DANGIT #dagnabbit schedule #anyone else have ocs they wanna talk about? hmu i LOVE hearing about them!!!#thank you to Lara for giving me permission to post my fanart of her babies <3 <3 #i am a certified Canyo stan i cannot stress this enough #silmarillion #silm oc #maglor #maglor's wife #misc #rin's ramblings #my art

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crebbyhermit · 14 days

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cover art mockup i made

#crebsketch #dumping here for archival purposes again #not much else to tag #it could be interpreted as looking at a past self or parent/child type beat #need to make the child look younger 😔 will practice more #that aside i’ve been working on drawing faster lately and this only took abt two hours!!

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youvebeenlivingfictional · 3 years

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The Long Con Part Five

Previous Part | Masterlist | Next Part Pairing: Marcus Pike x Reader Rating: T Notes: I hope y’all had a good week! 💕 Warnings: This is almost purely fluff. There’s some angst in there, but it’s just, like...A speck. And it’s covered over by fluff. Also I’ve never been to Austin, I did a lot of Googling for this bit, so if any of it is inaccurate, I’m sorry!! It seems like such a cool town and I don’t wanna do it a disservice! Lastly, I linked the museum and the art pieces mentioned in the chapter at the end of the chapter, under the tags. Summary: You’d stayed behind to get ready— but you didn’t know what exactly what you were be getting ready for.

While you and Marcus would be helping Marnie and the family out with wedding prep during the week, they didn’t have anything in particular scheduled for that day. After he’d had his breakfast, Marcus had showered, gotten dressed, and left to get the car that he’d rented for two of you to use that week. You’d stayed behind to get ready— but you didn’t know what exactly what you were be getting ready for. “I wanna show you around while we’ve got some time,” Marcus had told you between stealing sips of your coffee (which were solely permitted because the two of you were pretending to be together - if this had been under any other circumstance, he would not have gotten away with a single sip. His parents had found it adorable. You had found it a loss of coffee).

You dressed in casual clothing, things that you knew you’d have no trouble walking around in for the day. Marcus honked twice once he was outside in the rental, and you bid quick goodbyes to his family.

-- “So,” Marcus glanced over at you from behind the dark lenses of his aviator sunglasses, “We have a few options-- well, we’ve got a ton, but, I was thinking we could take a tour of the Capitol building, and check out the Harry Ransom Center -- it’s this massive archive and library. There are a few places we could hit for lunch, and then… I don’t know, the Lady Bird Johnson Wildflower Center? And I thought we could finish with the Blanton Museum of Art?... Or is that, like, a no, since we’re both kinda around art all the time?” You watched him for a few moments, stunned. He’d clearly gone out of his way to think about what you’d like to do -- places that he knew and that you would like. He wanted you to have fun, and time out of the house - away from his family. Marcus was taking you out and about like… Like he probably would a real girlfriend. “That all sounds really awesome,” You admitted softly. Marcus grinned at you, and you settled back in your seat, facing forward again. -- Conversation came as easily as it had when you were in D.C. Marcus dropped the odd fact about Austin now and again (though it was nothing near his panicked post-flight info-dump), pointed out his old haunts, told you about his and Marnie’s childhoods. Even without his family around, you found that the two of you kept close. You reached for one another’s hands; Marcus drew you into his side when you were in crowded places; even when there was plenty of room, Marcus’ hand was on your shoulder, or your back. The contact was comforting; it didn’t feel forced. You found yourselves strolling through the Blanton with your fingers intertwined, speaking in hushed tones so as not to disturb the patrons around you. It was where the two of you wound up spending most of your day, discussing Fogel’s Conflict and Kern’s The Adoration of the Magi and Dorigny’s Diana of the Hunt. When you drifted into the Klimt pieces on loan from the Belvedere Museum in Vienna, and the two of you stopped in front of The Kiss, Marcus cupped your chin and leaned down, pecking the corner of your lips. You couldn’t help the stupid grin that took over your face, and you leaned into him, turning your head and hiding your face in his shoulder.

He just curled an arm around you, smoothing a thumb along your side as you let your sheepishness run its course. You turned your head as it ebbed away, finally, taking in the intertwined lovers, robed in gold and adorned with flowers.

“Okay, this… Is stupidly cool,” You admitted, looking around. “I was a little worried that you were going to stop at ‘stupid’.” “No!” You laughed, “I’ve never been anywhere like this.” Marcus had brought you to a bar with an arcade in Southern Congress for dinner. The two of you had ordered dinner and were looking for a few games to play before the food arrived. “They’ve got a little bit of everything. Pinball, Pac-man, Tron, Skeeball,” Marcus listed off. “Galaga?” “They’ve got Galaga.” “Perfect.” Marcus was exceptional at Pac-man and pinball, but you learned that you had the upper hand when it came to air hockey. You managed to play two games of it (both of which you won) before the food came. “Today has all been insanely awesome,” You told him after you’d polished off your pizza, “Thank you. I mean-- Seriously, you didn’t have to do this.” “I didn’t want you feeling like we were stuck at my family’s place all week, and...I mean I know we’re down here for Marnie, but you said you’d never been to Austin. I didn’t want you to miss out on seeing the city.” You and Marcus shared a smile before he added, “The whole day has been insanely awesome, huh?” “Yeah.” “Even in the kitchen?” “You mean when you were drinking my coffee? ‘Cause that put you on thin ice, mister.” “Right before that,” He corrected. The smile he was giving you was two parts bashfulness and one part coy. You folded one arm on the table, pillowing your chin on your other hand. “...Yeah, I’d include that. As first kisses go, it was…” You nodded a little, eyeing Marcus from under your lashes, “It was very...Very nice.” “‘Very nice’?” Marcus repeated, “I guess that’s not the worst review I’ve ever gotten.” “Don’t get all huffy,” You chuckled, ”I mean it, it was… I forgot what being kissed like that even felt like.” “What do you mean?” “I mean that...Was my first kiss in two years.” “Two-- How is that possible?” Marcus’ brow furrowed. You rolled your eyes a little bit, glancing away from Marcus as embarrassment swirled in your stomach. “The last person was my ex-fiancé. After that fell apart…” You shrugged, “I haven’t dated since.” You felt Marcus lean a little closer to get a better look at you. “Did you give up on finding someone?” “Not on purpose. I think I just...Built up some walls that I had torn down really quickly with them. And I built those walls up double. I prioritized work-- the devil I knew, you know.” “No dates, nothing?” “Nope.” “How many people did you turn down?” “What makes you think I turned anyone down?” Marcus tipped his head to the side, giving you a slight once-over as he muttered, “C’mon.” You shook your head, letting out a quiet, embarrassed laugh. “Well, how long after your engagement broke did you wait to date?” You asked. Marcus’ lips pressed into a thin, contemplative line before he admitted, “Five months.” “What made you get back out there? I mean… How’d you know you were ready?” “I wasn’t, but I was worried that if I waited until I was, the woman that had asked me out wouldn’t be available when I got there. I took a leap. It wasn’t a good leap, but it was a leap,” he chuckled, “And it made me remember that dating can suck and putting myself out there could be scary, but… Ultimately, it’s worth it.” You and Marcus regarded one another quietly for a moment. You couldn't even imagine what he was thinking. You couldn't understand how he was still so open to finding love when he'd been hurt the way he had. That sort of loss had only made you want to recede; it seemed to make Marcus even more determined to find love. Frankly, it was a wonder that he hadn't yet— he was the kindest man you'd ever met. You lowered your eyes to your empty plate as you realized that you were staring. It was easy to get caught up in his warm eyes; you’d found it happening more often lately, and it certainly suited the purposes of the lie you were playing up around his family. But there was something about all of it— his gaze, his smile, everything that the two of you had done today — it stirred up twinges or remorse. Lately you’d found yourself wondering if there ever could’ve been something real between the two of you, if you’d met under different circumstances. That was a very dangerous line of thought.

“If you’re finished with your food, we can go play some more air hockey.” You smiled at the offer, glancing back up at him as you asked, “I didn’t kick your ass enough the first time?” “Oh-- I was just warming up.” “Clocking all of my moves?” “Exactly.” “We’ll see about that.” (You beat him three more times.) (You let him win once.)

You flicked off the light before getting into bed, tucking yourself in beside Marcus. He yawned and mumbled, “G’night.” “Goodnight, what?” Marcus let out an exaggerated sigh, “Goodnight, supreme air hockey winner.” “Thank you.” “Mhm.” “I don’t ask for much.” “I know.” “Just that you steer clear of my coffee—” “Uh huh.” “And address me by my proper title.” You glanced over as you felt Marcus shift in the bed. Your breath caught in your throat as his arm wound around your middle, his hand dangling against your side as he rested his forehead against your shoulder. “Sleep,” He urged in a mumble, “Oh supreme one.” You settled down, resting one of your hands atop Marcus’ arm. It was a warm, comforting weight; a sweet touch that you could, if you weren’t careful, find yourself getting used to. “‘Oh supreme one’,” You repeated quietly, peering up at the ceiling, “I could get used to that.” Tag list: @hufflepuffing-all-day-long ; @spideysimpossiblegirl ; @blueeyesatnight ; @elen-aranel ; @yespolkadotkitty ; @artsymaddie ; @phoenixhalliwell ; @lunaserenade ; @winniedaboo ; @empress-palpat1ne ; @randomness501 ; @nutmeg-20 ; @leonieb ; @the-feckless-wonder ; @lou-la-lou ; @captain-jebi ; @supernaturalgirl ; @naturenebula21 ; @evelynseventyr ; @giselatropicana ; @heatherbel ; @marydjarin ; @annathewitch ; @absurdthirst ; @hnt-escape ; @writingletterstothefire ; @misswriter ; @bison-writes

Museums & Art Work

The Blanton Museum of Art

Fogel’s Conflict

Kern’s The Adoration of the Magi

Dorigny’s Diana of the Hunt The Belvedere Museum

Klimt’s The Kiss

#The Long Con #marcus pike imagine #marcus pike x reader #Marcus Pike x You #Marcus Pike/Reader #Marcus Pike/You #Marcus Pike fic

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p-redux · 3 years

Note

Hi P, don't know if you've been told but bloggers like CantResistTemptation, BootSaucePunk, Meokeob and their commentors are mocking you saying you don't have real sources, you didn't know Emily is Hannah's sister, and that you only post stuff that you steal from them. Just thought you should be aware.

Hi Anon, first of all...BWAHAHAHA, thanks for the laugh. I needed it this afternoon. 😂

The assorted haters you've mentioned, as well as Extreme Shippers LOVE to make themselves feel better by continuing to say that I don't have sources, that I make up stuff, or go searching other blogs or social media for info. For the millionth time, WRONG.

At this point, ANYONE who has been here long enough can see that my record for posting ACCURATE, TRUE, and INSIDER info stands for itself. It's all in print on this blog and other blogs. I don't have time to go into every single instance of when I posted insider info and it was CONFIRMED to be true. But the big "scoops" are me telling the fandom about Tony AHEAD of anyone knowing he was Cait's man. Me telling the fandom AHEAD of time that Sam had broken up with Cody and was dating Abbie. Me telling the fandom AHEAD of time that Sam was dating Mackenzie. Me telling the fandom AHEAD of time that Maril and Matt were a couple and had had TWINS, me telling the fandom that someone on Outlander was pregnant (of course I was told it was Cait, but I couldn't say anything until it was confirmed). There is NO WAY I would have gotten that info and MANY other pieces of info via scouring social media. Anyone claiming so is plain stupid, it's literally an impossibility for me to have known any of that (none if it was public) without insider sources...or the haters are purposely trying to mislead their gullible followers.

And once again, I'm tired, "meh," and semi fandom retired, I don't have the energy, time, or inclination to GO LOOKING for info, it is SENT to me. People who send me the info don't ID themselves to the fandom precisely because of the haters, they know they'll be harassed. I'm Anon, so I take the brunt of the hate...I'm the MESSENGER. That's it.

As for me FORGETTING Emily is Hannah's sister, well sue me, I'm human, I forgot. I've been posting info for years, I can't keep track of everything. But I did know Emily is her sister. Oh look, here's me months ago posting just that. 👇

I love PROVING these haters wrong over and over again. So, guess what? I'm gonna start doing a past source info dump. Let me dive into my archives and also find other people's reblogs of my previous Tumblr account fortruthseekers, and REMIND people of the TRUTH and of the 7 years of me posting ACCURATE information from SOURCES.

Be careful what you wish for, bitches, you're about to be bombarded with some FACTS. I'll start tomorrow...

#samheughan #caitrionabalfe #mackenziemauzy #tonymcgill #extremeshippers #outlander #codykennedy #abbiesalt #matthewbroberts #matt roberts #marildavis #hannahjames #source #sources #purvsessed

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i-bring-crack · 2 years

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Chapter 8 : Make a man out of you.

Lets get down to bussiness!

To defeat! Muzan!~

Did they send me daughters~

When I asked🥁 for sons!

You're the saddest bunch I ever met

But you can bet before we're through

Mister, I'll make a man out of you!

*bobs head up and down in the library*

It is within my saddest form to inform you that I forgot about honorifics until a week later when i passed by the sengoku page and got to this monster. But alas i managed to edit a few chapters befire crying outloud and just deciding to ignore the "-san" that should have never appeared in this time and era until Edo.

*tucks away tears*

Alright so now to this part that no one asked! Info dump:

-In the language of flowers, honeysuckle is most commonly taken to mean love and affection. "The Language of Flowers" expands upon this symbolism, noting that honeysuckle has come to represent affection due to "its clinging to trees and lattices with all the ardour and constancy of a weak, confiding woman."

Do with that what you will.

-Yes Momotaro as in the little boy Momotaro that went on to defeat the demons, it started of as version around the muromachi period and wasnt written until the edo period so... Sabito heard the story from someone and he liked the name so he proceeded to name the horse Momotaro. Yeh.

-Also the name Usagi was for the shiba Inu gifted to him by Sanemi no less. On the first time they met, his dog had just given birth and he wanted to give the puppies away to good people, so one of them he gave to Sabito, also to fortify their alliance friendship but then Sabito proceeded to make a joke like "sweet now we can have dog meat" and thats how their rivalry began.)

-The warrior needs to master the bow and the horse as well as the brush and the word- was a common saying during the Kamakura period so i wanted to refrence it it here.

-Suo is around there vv

I made it 8k long again for the purposes of not ~updating~ last~ time~

(Because apart from the church studies i need to study onver school work so im just like hmmmm dont wanna rise~~)

#kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #giyuu tomioka #sabito #ao3 fanfic #kny giyuu #fem giyuu #sabigiyuu #kny #that one sengoku mulan au fic

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fortruthseekers · 3 years

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Pinned Post

PSA:

FYI this post is pinned at the top of my blog, scroll past it for new posts.

This is Purv aka @p-redux and this was my original Tumblr account where I posted insider source info and debunked Extreme Shipper Lies years ago @fortruthseekers. When I left the fandom to take care of my dad, I didn't think I'd be back, and I deleted all my posts. But I kept the account and name so haters wouldn't steal it. I'm now going to use it to repost past source info posts. Haters keep saying I don't and didn't have REAL sources, well they're about to get a history lesson, and be proven WRONG again.

So, if you see @fortruthseekers reblogged, that's me, and my old posts. I'll use the hashtag #PurvArchives so that people can find them more easily.

Caveat: I’m going to do a past source posts dump, so if you don’t want your Timeline filled with my posts, I recommend NOT following @fortruthseekers...simply VISIT the account when you want to look at old source info posts. @p-redux will STILL BE MY MAIN BLOG. There are way over 100 posts, so I’ll be posting a few a day, as time permits. I’ll alert you on here @fortruthseekers and on @p-redux when I’ve posted all the old posts.

Click on Keep Reading for the rest of this post.

Also, some clarification on terminology: back in the day NSTs Non-Shipper Truthers where called simply Truthers. Extreme Shippers were called Super Shippers or Hardcore Shippers, “Hardies” for short. So, when you see those terms, that's what they mean.

I have a TON of posts, and I simply don't have the time to categorize them or put them in order, so I'm just going to do a post dump, as many as I can a day, in no particular order. Besides the #PurvArchives hashtag I'll also add more detailed hashtags to make it easier for people to find specific topics. These posts will ONLY be past posts from MY sources throughout the years or from big revelations that, yes, may be based on other people’s posts or social media, but mostly from my direct insider sources. And some things I couldn’t find, so this is by no means a comprehensive collection. If anyone has old source posts of mine that you don’t see posted once I’m done, feel free to reblog them to @fortruthseekers. I'll also post SOME old source posts from my current Tumblr blog, @p-redux on @fortruthseekers But since the @p-redux posts are all still there and can be found via a hashtag search of my blog, that won’t be the bulk of the archives on @fortruthseekers

BUT @p-redux will still be my MAIN blog and where I will post NEW info. THIS blog is for archive purposes ONLY. Once I've posted all the old posts, I won't be posting on @fortruthseekers, only updating the archives as needed. If you have any questions, please Send Asks or Submits or Direct Messages ONLY to my main account, @p-redux.

Because I deleted all my old posts on @fortruthseekers, the only way to retrieve them is by me either reblogging other bloggers who reblogged me OR posting links to their reblogs. Some of those Non-Shippers are no longer on Tumblr. Some, I’ve parted ways with. And also some of the Extreme Shippers mentioned in past posts no longer ship. And of course, since these will ALL be old posts, they will involve mentions of Sam's past girlfriends. If any of that bothers you, then this isn't the blog for you.

My Asks are off on @fortruthseekers and I won't answer DMs, so any questions, please go to @p-redux.

Now let's get started. Up first, a REFRESHER ON MY SOURCES. I’ll link it at the bottom of this pinned post for easy access. If the link doesn’t work, simply search on @fortruthseekers for “Refresher On My Sources” and you’ll find the post. Most of you have heard the history of that ad infinitum, so I won't take offense if you skip that post. That one is for newbies who don't know WHY the SANE part of the fandom believes that I DO have sources, and that what I’ve been saying for 7 years is TRUE. BUT, I have added all the details I was originally given and now they are all in one place, so if you’re interested in what my ORIGINAL industry source said about Sam and Cait, and what my ORIGINAL Tony source said about Cait and Tony, then you’ll find it at the link down at the end of this post.

A walk down memory lane, here we go!

#purvarchives #source #sources #realsources #fortruthseekers #p-redux #samheughan #caitrionabalfe #outlander

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lazyevaluationranch · 4 years

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I was wondering if you would be willing to share the titles of your resilience-inspiring lesbian farm books? My google search led me to a book titled “Attack of the Lesbian Farmers” which, while certainly inspiring, is not exactly what I was looking for.

Here are two very different books in the Farm Lesbians Write Honestly About What Went Wrong And How They Got Through It genre. Hopefully at least one is to your taste.

It's nearly fifty years old now, and can be hard to find, but Country Women: A Handbook for the New Farmer is deeply important to me. Country Women was a black and white xeroxed magazine written by a collective of woman-run farms in California in the 1960s. (There are some issues scanned at the Lesbian Poetry Archive). Each issue was half articles about feminism and half articles about small-scale farming. In the 1970s, the how-to articles on farming were expanded and organized to make the book, along with some scattered journal entries, lovely hippie-style line drawings and poetry about wood splitting, bees, and gazing at one's beloved while fixing the tractor on a summer day. The contributors have names like Jean and Ruth Mountaingrove, Ellen Chanterelle, and Sam♀ Thomas.

It's written in an informal and pragmatic style, mostly organic hippie farming, but using pesticides or conventional medications when necessary.

This afternoon the Anderson brothers began teaching me how to graft fruit trees - the careful joining of life with life. Even more than I loved gaining a new skill, I loved learning from two old men who have so very much to teach me. I admire the audacity of eighty-three-year-old men setting grafts that will not bear fruit for years: the total involvement in a process they love. Those trees will stand and live; I doubt whether Jake or Fred even stop to wonder if they'll pick the fruit. I want to live my life with that kind of harmony and purpose. I want to be planting seeds the day I die.

The first lamb was born today. Premature and dead. Olivia, the mother, seems to be all right though. I had a dream a few weeks ago that the lambs were born tiny (like mice) and pink. And that I struggled to save them, but they were too small to feed. The lamb today was small and pink, its fleece plastered against its body, thin and sparse. For a moment it was nightmareishly like my dream... This is my first animal death. The beginning of a long cycle. It seems even harder to have death come before life, than to have an old one die giving birth. Hopes for the future stillborn.

Driving home today, I suddenly realized that this really is going to be a sheep ranch, that I have done, and am doing, and will do it. That I'm making my livelihood from the land. The canyon is fenced now. There are sheep out there on pastures that were open hillsides two years ago.

The very act of building this place, the simple actions of tamping dirt, stretching wire, dumping hay in feeders, has profoundly changed my sense of self. I'm doing things I never dreamed I could do, and I'm doing them easily without even considering whether I really can. Last night I was talking with Susan about fencing the front meadow for feeder calves, and I realized that I could say that realistically, no fantasizing, no bragging: I can fence the front meadow as soon as I get done with the hay barn and get a little more money.

Like almost every other farmer in America today, I'm in debt and hoping for a good season. I'm only at the beginning now, and I know there are many struggles to come and overcome and come again: Someday I too, like my neighbours, will be counting carcasses killed by a marauding dog or watching the spring oats be wash away in an "unheard of" late storm. No matter how prepared I am, there us always that vulnerability - to the weather, other animals, disease - that seems to strike when things are finally going smoothly. But inside me there is also this incredible joy: This life is real and good, and it has made me strong and real and good too.

I gotta stop or I'll type the whole book into this post. One more:

My father is here this week ... working on the truck whose engine has been alien to me. I am learning now what I could have learned at 7, 11, 15. Beneath my truck, side by side, lie his seven-year-old son and his twenty-five-year-old daughter, both of us learning for the first time how bearings fit together, how to remove pistons. And here beneath this truck the patriarchy stops: he has passed his knowledge to his daughter, and from me it will pass to sisters, from sister to sister to sister.

That's this book. The things women weren't supposed to know in the sixties. They found people to teach them; they taught each other; they learned through bitter loss. The book says: we have gone before you and you are not alone. Here is what we have learned, and here is how we have learned it. We have failed, and we have wept, and we have gotten up and gone on, and it was alright. Here is the fire, passed from hand to hand to hand. Here is the light that will never be put out.

The week after we first got goats, we received a package in the mail from my coolest relative, a veterinarian who was the first woman to graduate with a specialization in large animal medicine at her school. People thought that women just weren't physically capable of handling large animals. (Hint: the bull weights 1100 kilograms. It doesn't much matter if the veterinarian weighs 50 kilograms or 150 kilograms.) I remember staying with her a child, in summer, laying on the stainless steel operating table in the barn; it always felt cool when the heat was unbearable.

The package, of course, contained Country Women. An old well-loved copy, with notes on long-ago calving dates penciled in the margins, and random scraps of paper with sketches of possible gardens and goat sheds as bookmarks. A light passed from hand to hand, a light that will not go out. It was like receiving a video game quest artifact.

Country Women is rooted in second wave feminism, which is not everyone's cup of tea. For something more modern and story-focussed, consider Hit By A Farm or Sheepish by Catherine Friend. These are collections of short, funny autobiographical essays about farming and relationships. Their tone is honest and wry, self-deprecating. You can see Catherine Friend's blog here and decide if you like her writing style. She wanted to call Hit By A Farm "Sheep Sex and Other Disasters" but her editor didn't think it would sell.

In Hit By A Farm, Catherine - a professional writer - goes along with her partner Melissa's lifelong desire to ranch sheep, and describes the results from the perspective of the slightly reluctant farmer's wife as they start a farm in Minnesota. Sheepish is written fifteen years later, when they're thinking about quitting the farm, after all the shiny newness of farming and the relationship has worn off. There are different mistakes then, different sorrows, and new joys.

From Sheepish:

We rarely pay attention to middles. Perhaps we ignore them because they're problematic. The middles of our beds often sag. The middles of our bodies sag. The middle of a long story told by your brother-in-law is likely to sag, and so you'll need another beer to stay focused. Everyone needs a reason to keep going when they're in the middle.

And:

Don't expect a farm to fix your life, for once the romance dims, you must still muck out the barn and stack hay bales and give that sick goat an enema...Although there are tons of stories about starting something new, there just aren't that many about how to keep doing something, about how to slog through the middle when the going gets tough.

The quotes are all from Sheepish; I can't find our copy of Hit By A Farm:

My spinning wheel continues to torture and confound me. I realize I'm not interested enough in the craft to really commit to learning it. After a few more tries, I tuck the wheel into a corner of our living room and turn it into what Melissa likes to call a Dust Accumulation Research Project. Clearly our wool market will continue to be the wildly unlucrative wholesale warehouse.

The patron saint of spinners is, interestingly enough, Saint Catherine. She was a Christian martyr in Alexandria. In 307 AD, she was condemned to be torn apart by the spokes of the wheel.

Well. No wonder.

Spoiler: things get pretty rough, there’s illness and hard winters and financial issues, but they do not, in fact, give up the farm or each other.

The book says: We made it. You will too.

#the-revolution-will-be-feminized

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faofinn · 3 years

Text

No. 2 - TALKING IS OVERRATED

@whumptober2021

@whumptober-archive

garotte | choking | gagged

Recovery had been really slow. Painfully slow, really. So long in hospital, Fao had lost track of the endless days dragging by. But he’d gotten out, and gone home, and done the endless appointments and physio and therapy and meds and jumped through all of the hoops they’d given him. Eventually, in an effort to find some of his old freedoms back, he found himself a flat in London, not far from where he’d lived as a student. Not long after moving in he acquired a housemate, through a mutual friend. Fao and Ollie got on really well, they clicked almost immediately, and it was nice to have someone who didn’t pity him, hadn’t known him before. The dog came not long after that, a little scrap of a puppy they found at the side of the road. Arrow was a sweet little thing, though he kept Fao up all hours of the night needing to be bottle fed. He was worth it. It was a purpose again. It made it so much easier to deal with everything when he had a little life depending on him.

He'd even started entertaining the idea of getting a job, which was as terrifying as it was exciting. But before that, he had one final surgery to get through. It was expected, it had been on the cards from the start. He'd spoken at length with his consultant, and it was a necessary evil to get things where they should be. At least it was planned, routine. They could schedule everything, and plan ahead, and nothing was rushed or panicked.

When Fao showed up to the hospital that morning, though, he felt awful. He knew it was the nerves, but he'd slept terribly and he had an awful headache already. It wasn't exactly off to a good start. Ollie had driven him in, which at least meant he had company, and as he nervously got settled in his bay, he didn't feel so alone. It really did make a difference.

He hated this side of things. Recently, he hasn’t felt like much of a doctor at all, but being back in hospital just made it so much worse. It was so familiar, it was almost like being teased. He longed to be on the other side, rushing around doing this and that. He'd kill for an elective list, even. Just for something to do. He desperately missed it. He sat chatting to Ollie, which kept him entertained enough, asking about whatever he'd done at work over the last few days. Elective orthopaedics wasn't that exciting, but it was far more exciting than overthinking everything.

He was so nervous he couldn't settle, shifting his weight about and fidgeting in his chair. Twice Ollie told him off for crossing his legs. Do you want a dislocation on top of everything else?! He'd asked, exasperated.

He didn’t have to wait long, though. Given his history, he was first on the list, and after speaking to his consultant and his anaesthetist, they took him down to theatre.

They let Ollie down with him, on account of him knowing his way around theatres. It was nice, to have him with him. They’d not known each other long, but Ollie seemed to know just what he needed, just how to keep him calm.

He didn’t even feel the cannula go in, didn’t panic as the drugs went in. Ollie was there, he was safe, and as the world faded to black he was surprisingly calm.

From there, he was intubated and quickly taken into theatre. Ollie was left to wait, and to update Fao's family. Thankfully, it wasn't a particularly long surgery, though it took longer than the surgeon had initially estimated.

Eventually, Fao was transferred out into recovery. Ollie could stop pacing the cold theatre corridors, and rushed to be with him. He didn't come around well, which was standard, apparently - Ollie had never been there before. But Fao had told him, as had Sheila. He held his hand and soothed him through the nausea and the shaking, and once he'd settled off back to sleep, he called Sheila to let her know things were done and he was okay.

Of course, as soon as Fao called her, Sheila headed in. She’d bargained with him before his surgery, eventually being allowed to visit after, instead of taking him in. She knew he needed his space, wanted his independence, but he was still her son. She was going to be there for him no matter what.

The staff recognised her from the countless previous admissions, letting her straight through. She met Ollie first, pulling the young man in for a hug (Whether he wanted one or not, really). It wasn’t a surprise that Fao had come round poorly, but it was a relief to know he’d had someone to be there with him. With Sheila there, Ollie disappeared to grab a coffee - god knows he needed it.

She sat by Fao’s bed, waiting for her son to wake up. He was fast asleep and she didn’t want to wake him. At least when he was asleep, he wouldn’t be in pain - she knew his options for pain relief were limited and the staff were often stingy.

He stirred after a while, pain pulling at his attention and dragging him from his sleep. He was warm and his limbs were heavy, but he shuffled in bed and blinked open his eyes.

“Mum?” He managed to get out, forcing his eyes to focus.

“Hey, sweetheart.” She smiled at him, taking his hand. “I’m here.”

“Mm. ‘m ‘kay.”

“I know. You did so well.”

“Ollie?” He asked, after a long pause.

“Sent him for a coffee.”

“Sleepy.”

“That’s alright. Why don’t you go back to sleep?”

He nodded, his eyes already closed. It wasn't hard to drift back to sleep, despite the pain. He slept for a while, not stirring as they checked on him. He was aware of them transferring him back to the ward, the sound of the lift and the changing of the light as the bed moved.

He didn't properly stir again until a bit later, when Ollie was back with Sheila. Somehow, he felt worse than before. More woozy, and the taste of blood in his mouth was stronger. His breath hitched and he did his best to move in bed a bit, trying to sit up more.

“Easy, Fao. Take a moment, let me help.” Sheila was by his side immediately, trying to help.

Sitting made the dizziness worse, his blood pressure sinking, and he just felt wrong. He whimpered, trying to clear his throat. It was sore anyway, and dry from the oxygen, but suddenly it was as though he couldn't breathe. He coughed, and then he couldn't stop coughing, and then blood coated his tongue. It caught in his throat, too close to before. He tried to spit it out, but everything hurt, and he reached blindly for Sheila, panicked.

“I’ve got you, it’s okay, it’s okay.” She promised, stroking through his hair. “Just breathe, you’re okay.”

He couldn't breathe. That was the problem. The world was hazy and he was dizzy and he couldn't breathe. He was too hot then too cold and it was just like it had been after the crash. He coughed and then retched, managing to bring some blood up, but it wasn't enough. He was still stuck, choking.

Ollie shared a look with Sheila, worried. This was bad.

“You’re okay, Fao.” She continued, trying to keep her son calm as Ollie called for help. She pulled Fao onto his side, an attempt to help him clear his throat.

He whimpered as she pulled him over, between the coughing and gagging. Everything hurt, and the room span with the change in position, making him feel even worse.

Ollie was in the corridor at this point, barking orders at people. It wasn't often he was snappy, he rarely even shouted, but there was some sense of urgency needed.

There wasn’t much Sheila could actually do, trying to soothe her son. There was so much blood, far too much, and she knew it wasn’t good. She tried her best to get Fao’s attention, to try and ta;l him through it. He was obviously stuck in a flashback too, which only made things worse.

Soon enough, the bay was a hive of activity. The nurses called in the ward doctors who were desperately trying to get in touch with Fao’s surgeon. But he was in the middle of a list, and when his registrar finally arrived on the ward, he paled somewhat. They then had to find a consultant who was free, and an available theatre (and team) to find out what the fuck was going on, and fix it.

Things were quickly sorted, breathing got somewhat easier for Fao, just briefly, though the taste of blood was still overwhelming, between the retching. He was very quickly transferred back to theatres, and unlike before there was no taking their time. In a busy theatre he was out in seconds, no soothing words and gentle touches. There was just the ice cold burn of the drugs, and then nothingness.

That left Ollie with Sheila in an uncomfortably empty bedspace. She was covered in her son's blood, and he awkwardly cleared his throat. “Uh, Sheila, maybe you should, uh, change?”

She couldn’t help the jump, lost in her thoughts. “I’ve not got anything to change into.”

“Fao’s got stuff.” He said gently. “He packed way too much.”

“Uh, yeah. Of course. I’ll change.” She stood, going through Fao’s bag and pulling out a hoodie and top. “I won’t be long.”

Ollie nodded. “Go on, I’ll wait here.”

“Not like we’ve got anywhere to be.” She said as she left, mainly to herself. She didn’t take long, dumping her clothes in a patient bag and heading back to Fao’s room to wait.

“True. He’ll be okay. Finn around?”

“He’s working. Said he’d be up when he could. I text him to tell him there were complications, that he had to go back to theater, but he hasn’t seen that yet.”

“Oh, Fao did tell me he was on placement. Poor sod.”

"I swear they try and one-up each other on everything."

“So I've heard. He'll be okay.”

"Fao didn't have a clue where he was."

“All those drugs make it hard at the best of times.” Ollie said. “We can just hope he doesn't really remember it.”

"Fingers crossed." She said quietly.

There was a knock at the door, Finn appearing around the corner. He frowned at the pair in front of him, the lack of his brother, and the fact his mum was in one of Fao's hoodies.He gripped the doorframe to steady himself.

"What happened? Where is he?"

Ollie moved forwards. “Finn. It went well, but once he'd woken up a bit, there were… Complications. A bleed. He's back in theatre now.”

He shook his head, looking at Sheila. "You said he was fine."

"He was, he was out, he'd come round well enough for him, but…" She shrugged. "Like Ollie said, he had another bleed."

“I was with him when he came round, he was alright. But something must have happened, a bleeding vessel or a bad suture or something. I can find out later, if they don’t say. He’ll be okay, they’ll sort it. These things happen.”

"These things don't just happen." Finn snapped, jerking away from Sheila’s arm.

"Finn, that's enough. We're all stressed, it doesn't mean you get to be a dick. Sit down and wait."

He glared at her before he turned to Ollie. "Sorry."

“No, it’s alright. You’re right, Finn, it doesn’t ‘just happen’. It shouldn’t have happened. But it’s a surgical complication, surgical complications happen. He’s with a good team, all we have to do now is wait.”

He flopped into the chair by his mum. "He had a good team before."

“I know. It’s shit, isn’t it? Scared the shit out of me to see him like he was. He’ll be alright though. He’s been through worse.”

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