#every time i hear them

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[tiny-vermin]

@runfreebirdrun THREATENED me at GUNPOINT to do this drawing of GAY PEOPLE (🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮) KISSING (??!?!!?!??!?)

his post of the same pose is here, and the image we both drew was sent to iwcat by @kurocyou

#verms stuff #verms cr #beauyasha #caleb widogast #fire emoji #every time im like okay listen #we're gonna do some simple colours for this #my brain hears “lets go ham with rendering” #and this isnt the worst of it at least #ive gotten better at handling that urge #anyways #critical role #critical role fanart #damn i just realised i didnt give any of them accessories #whatever i do not gaf

[orbdog]

touch starved moment

1. high street - team me / 2. american tradition - nicole dollanganger / 3. baby teeth - flower face / 4/5. kick and curse - team me / 6. bitter and sick - one two

#snarf #m #alternatively songs that make me bunch the ground #every time i hear them #HDJDHDJ

[turtleblogatlast]

I think a lot about Leo’s tendency to push his way into the spotlight despite clearly being a natural in the shadows. Hell, you could argue that his worst moments are when he’s forcing himself onstage, and his best are when he does things no one notices until it’s already been done.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rottmnt headcanons #rise leo #His aptitude with subterfuge sleight of hand stealth and speed really push how being a ninja really comes naturally to him. #it’s arguable that his desperation for the spotlight and validation is an act of subterfuge against himself #note that when he’s offered a job as a mascot he’s fine being unknown #when he and splinter win the battle nexus Leo immediately says ‘they love YOU pops’ #idk I think so much about how good a ninja Leo is #and how much his persona is more an actor #Leo as a tot is shown a natural skill at katana too so hear me out- #every Leo is a natural ninja but every Leo’s route in life is directly tied to their splinter so #since rise splinter is an actor Leo too aims for it #and he brings it into his whole life - masking always because a Leo makes what they do who they are #I think that Leo naturally falls more in line with that of a typical ninja #his eccentric performer self is his subterfuge skill just set to an 11 at all times #not that that’s NOT him - like I said it’s still undoubtedly a part of Leo #but? idk I think about little moments like Leo being the only one to choose stealth in bug busters #or Leo being the only one to almost get Gus’s dog tags in The Ninja Art of Hide and Seek (he was so close but luck was against him alas) #like- he’s clearly in his element there and he falls into those skills so easily #it’s like how everyone has skills in so many things but some exceed more in some than others do #like Raph? Raph’s the biggest Hero of the bunch of them let’s be perfectly real here. Raph is THE Hero #All the boys are smart in their own rights but Donnie is THE Genius. #and they all have mystic powers but Mikey is THE Mystic Warrior with immense untapped potential #likewise Leo I feel is THE Ninja #but yeah I love how much Leo goes for the spotlight anyway for better or for worse #he IS a performer again make no mistake! but again the way he does it still lines up with his natural ninja aptitude and I love it #Leo loving magic tricks and magicians so much works doubly well here because like #you’d think he’s focused solely on the performance flair - no it’s ALSO and ESPECIALLY the DECEPTION

[adhd-languages]

When someone speaks a foreign language in public and I’m desperately trying not to stare like I’m sorry I’m not racist I just desperately want to hear the different vowel sounds you’re making. sorry.

#also every time I hear a language in public I wanna figure out what it is #and don’t even get me started on if it’s one I recognize #if it’s Japanese I’m like #if they say one of the few words I can understand I go insane #even if they just use particles. and I hear/recognize them. it’s so exciting for me #<-(I’m a nerd and this is what qualifies as fun for me) #but also it’s rude to stare and eavesdrop too much I’m sure #and I don’t want people to feel uncomfortable #Quinn posts #language #langblr #linguistics #language learning #languages #100 #500

[seventh-district]

Making Incorrect H:SR Quotes Until I Run Out of (hopefully) Original Ideas - Pt. 4 - Nuthin' but Boothill Edition

[Pt. 1] [Pt. 2] [Pt. 3] [Pt. 5] [Pt. 6]

#boothill #honkai star rail #hsr #hsr incorrect quotes #hsr memes #honkai star rail memes #hsr meme #honkai star rail meme #hsr textpost #hsr boothill #boothill hsr #hsr spoilers #hsr 2.2 spoilers #hmmm... don't think it's worth tagging the others in the 9th image. this ain't about them #still unsure abt how to do the alt text for these kinda posts properly but hopefully i'm improving #anyways. don't think i've ever seen heard and typed "cowboy' so many times in one day as i have while making this good lord #i did a bit of digging around and haven't Seen any of these done yet so. here's hoping that's the case! #i'm only ~3/4 of the way through the 2.2 main quest but the need to make these compelled me to put these out Now #i can already tell u that there Will be more of these for Boothill tho bc i'm crazy abt him. probably enough to make another dedicated post #but i'm gonna wait until i'm fully caught up on the plot (and will probably spoil myself for more of his character lore after that as well) #speaking of. i'm gonna go eat mac n' cheese and stay up too late playing through the rest of the main quest #i'm loving it so far. many thoughts head full abt it all but in a good way. hoping for more Boothill moments as we approach the end #he's def not the main character here but he is to Me okay. he is to me. i'm scarfing down every crumb he drops #i'm also suffering from Aventurine withdrawals out here. Argenti mentioning him was Interesting but i need More. Where Is He. #also. was Argenti intentionally not voiced or was it a game issue?? the hell was that. threw me off so hard when i couldn't hear him speak #anyways i'm getting off topic and wasting precious gaming time so i'll be takin' my leave now

[vlasdygoth]

all yours

#mgs #kazuhira miller #venom snake #mgsv #i guess you could see this as vkaz but it's actually ocelhira #like if you think about it. who was ocelot really trying to fool with venom. #fucked up thing to do to someone. to both of them #id in alt text #if you could see the amv that plays in my head every time i hear babooshka. it's a wild reading but whatever #metal gear solid

[hotcinnamonsunset]

x files socks ft my favorite bit of frequent dialogue because the below screenshot simply would’ve been too long👽

#knitting #wip #knitblr #pattern is spooky salutations socks on ravelry👽 #the x files #this pattern is the epitome of me realizing I can put anything my little heart desires on knitwear no matter how silly! #i thought about this pattern for .2 seconds and said yeah. lemme just pull up stitch fiddle real quick. and behold! #i giggle every time i hear them say this dialogue so immortalizing it via sock knitting makes sense you know???

[murk888]

Aro 👉👈

I DIDN'T HAVE MY TWILIGHT STAGE IN TIME, OKAY?!? Now I watch the films while dying from laughter most of the time, their faces I can't-

MICHAEL SHEEN >>>>> 🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐

#i liked frollo and snape what did i/you expect.. #GUYS. GUYS. HEAR ME OUT- #sketch #art #digital art #artists on tumblr #twilight #twilight saga #volturi #aro volturi #michael sheen #one word about me having father issues and i will fucking kill everyone in the room and then myself #jk i know i have them☠️ #mommy issues too #bruh #sorry spamton lovers #its human time #or vampire time? #кровосися короче #hahahaaa i will suck your di- blood i mean blood #drawing characters who are extremely rarely liked #again #it happens every time i swear #spamton is the exception #he's popular and liked by lots of people fr #true big shot indeed #no but real Aro is nuts tbh #everyone who I like is!☠️ so I just change their characters to my own liking (and suddenly everyone becomes psychologically healthy hmmm) #be cringe be free #have a nice day everyone

[interstate35south]

listen. i like a good “hualian adopts wwx” au as much as the next guy. but do y’all ever think abt the fact that appearance wise. xie lian and hua cheng are supposedly like. 17-19

i forget about it until i’m consciously reminded of it but there’s comedic potential in there somewhere

like i imagine they could probably get away with it when wwx was a young child but it’s all fun and games until visibly 34 year old wei wuxian is still calling apparently 17 year old xie lian dad

#tgcf #tian guan ci fu #heaven official's blessing #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #wei wuxian #hua cheng #xie lian #the 17-19 feels like a bucket of cold water every time i hear it like they have always been mid-late 20s to me at LEAST #you’re looking at hua cheng and telling me he’s 18??? bullshit #i only accept it for the bit #like obv any dynamics with mortals and immortals has to factor in the whole “one of them will age and die and the other won’t” #but it just gets so much funnier when they’re an age that’s not even plausible to write off the fact that they don’t grow older #like lowkey twilight core #bonus points if lan sizhui is added into the equation #you’re 16 and your grandfather is 17 what do you do #hualian

[locusfandomtime]

i hope you guys understand my vision

#not every hermit is on here. if they didn’t fit any of the six categories i didn’t want to force it #i guess other “genres” not included here would be: abba. childrens music (wheels on the bus etc). jazz. #locus fandom time #shitpost #hermitcraft #mcyt #hermitblr #xbcrafted #<- hes the only one im maintagging because im DESPERATE to know if the xb fans agree with me. you see where im coming from right? #“e girls are ruining my life” is That corpse song btw #if you want to hear my explanations on these. just ask. I have thought all of these through. #like some of them are just “the cc likes this music a lot” (xisuma wels doc) but most of them I have a lot of character thoughts on #hermitcraft memes

[lunarin64art]

That feeling when he can't stand to see you that way, no matter what you do, no matter what you say😩😭💔

#scott pilgrims precious little life #scott pilgrim vs the world #spvtw #spto #scott pilgrim #wallace wells #lisa miller #scollace #kim pine #natalie adams #envy adams #don't rlly know if I like how this turned out but oh well;;; #hope its obvious that this is based on the song “Scott Pilgrim” which the creation the comics were inspired from #the lyrics always make me think of Wallace and Lisa's feelings for Scott every time I hear it #ofc you could also relate it to Kim especially since the singers voice kind of reminds me of her #but overall the lyrics fit these two much better since Scott never truly “saw them that way” despite how long they've liked him #and they always seem happier to see him compared to Kim #Im surprised tho that I havent yet seen anyone draw these two together now that their dialogue parallels have been acknowledged more lately #also tho I wish more people pointed out that they both got cucked by red heads LOL #and Kim and Envy actually do look really similar when scott first meets them #makes me wonder if Scott subconsciously went for Envy since she reminded him of Kim (which would be fitting given that you could argue that #Envy dated Scott because he reminded her of Todd. Since he and Scott are confirmed to be meant to be seen as similar to one another #so much so that even their first and last names rhyme #last thing I'll add tho is that while Wallace and Lisa are very similar even personality wise #the one big difference is that despite that whole conclusion on vol4 of Scott not cheating on Ramona with Lisa because he loves her #the writers apparently think it would be “organically correct” for him to have an affair with wallace LMAO #but I guess we shouldn't be surprised since Wallace and Ramona are both in the front of the official valentines art which is clearly #a deptiction of Scotts wet dream or smth (oh and you could also argue that Wallace and Lisa parallel on that art since they're both #shirtless with white socks.. which could be a reference to how lisa wears skimpy clothes for Scott and Wallace often only wears boxers #to like sexually frustrate Scott for fun or smth

[wispscribbles]

Hello I just wanted to put an ask in and let u know that I really love your works! Ur one of my favorite fic writers and u inspire me a lot :D

thank you so much friend :''D Your support and comments are so so appreciated, can't believe you stand by me even after the Toast... incident. The inspiration absolutely goes both ways, because idk if I'd still be writing if I hadn't been met with so much support from folks like u <3 also- small ghoap for u

#ask #rainerestored #i appreciate u so much Jack #doodle #was tempted to draw u a Toast but then I got sad lol #every time someone compliments my writing i grow stronger #im still so new to it so hearing im doing ok is !!!!!!! AA!!! yes #can't believe ghostsoap made me start a whole new hobby #the power of them....

[turtleblogatlast]

Big Mama must have lost some serious standing in the yokai underworld because it’s gotten apparent that she keeps being beaten by a small group of teenagers and the occasional rat man, and when it’s not them then she’s taking L’s from her own schemes working against her.

And in the ensuing power vacuum, the Hamatos accidentally become the most feared crime family known to all the big bads of the Hidden City.

After all, they’ve publicly outplayed Big Mama multiple times, a couple of them have taken out the heads of two of the most well known criminal organizations, one took out Heinous Green, two are responsible for the destruction of Witch Town, they have ties to both the infamous Baron Draxum and Captain Piel, they won the Doom Dome death race, they’re Battle Nexus Champions, they’ve displayed insane feats of power and defeated impossibly strong enemies, most of them have been to jail, and they regularly mingle with humans.

You can just imagine the notoriety they’d accumulate from word of mouth alone.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt headcanons #rise of the tmnt #I didn’t even list everything the Hamatos are MENACES #it’s so funny #bonus if none of the Hamatos realize how terrifying their presence in the Hidden City has become #every time Leo goes to bother Hueso the guy just has his head in his hands like Pepino…I JUST got my brother out of crime…and now you???’ #Leo’s just like ‘lmao what crime’ #meanwhile a trail of destruction follows them wherever they go #just look at the library smh #the small time yokai villains hearing about how scary the fam is and having two different reactions #one being no way are we talking about the same babies tripping over themselves and barely beating anyone #the other is oh god I barely escaped with my LIFE huh #sunita listening to all the worry her parents have about this new ‘Hamato Family’ and laughing inside #she tells April and April keeps it a secret to see how long it takes the others to realize it #when accused of crime Donnie accidentally and largely unprompted starts denying his digital asset thefts and then has to deny he denied it #when he learns of what is thought of them Raph has a crisis the poor boy #Mikey’s happy they’re ‘known for being a family!:)’ #he - kinda terrifyingly - kinda likes the thought of that lol #Leo: 🤔 think I could go back to that hair spa then? (no) #in their defense while they are MENACES society is ALSO a menace to THEM

[symbiotic-slime]

it’s so funny going into monsterfucker spaces and seeing people argue about whether Venom is a tame monster crush or not and I think I figured out why ppl argue about it. I think there’s two separate levels to liking Venom and people just don’t specify which one they’re talking about

the first is what most people think of: you want Venom when they’re in a separate host and in their more humanoid form. they look like just a really tall guy, and you’ve got some monster traits involved but not quite as many as level two. this is the tame level.

the second level is when you want to be their host. you’re pulling an eddie brock— you’re fucking the slime that lives inside of you and cannot take on a humanoid form outside of yourself. it’s just a mass of black goop that lives in your organs and speaks to you in your head. this is why some people would consider Venom a more extreme monster crush

#or it could just be that the people who call them extreme are cowards #but yeah #I’ve been thinking about this a lot with the ‘craziest hear me out’ trend on tiktok #because every time it happens people debate whether venom truly counts as a ‘hear me out’ character #which I think to any sane person would be deranged because either way ur still fucking the slime monster #but I love spending stupid amounts of time thinking about the silliest internet beef I can find #and as someone who falls in the second level!! I get annoyed when ppl call venom an entry level monster crush lmao #sam’s ramblings #venom #sam talks about venom #monsterfucker #monster lover #please tell me this makes sense to other people

[ephemeralgalaxies]

NUREYEV STILL DOESN'T SAY THE LINE RIGHT. IT'S STILL NOT VERBATIM WHAT JUNO SAID. I'M SOBBING.

Juno's version of the line is, "I never want to see you again."

(Juno also says to include the bit about not loving him, but ofc even Peter Nureyev can't lie that well).

Nureyev's version of the line is, "I do not want to see you anymore, Juno." (and later, "I have no interest in seeing you any longer").

Which... it fits more into Nureyev's pattern of speech (as the previous fits more into Juno's), but is still completely changed. Especially when Nureyev asks, "You said it would just take those words to excise you from my life entirely, didn't you?" BECAUSE NO. NO, THOSE ARENT THE WORDS. HE DOESNT EVEN GIVE JUNO THE CHANCE TO THINK ABOUT IT EITHER. IMMEDIATELY STARTS TALKING AGAIN.

After all of that, he comes so close and yet STILL cannot say it to him. The great thief, master lier, professional manipulator, and yet he still cannot force out that little phrase of finite.

Bye y'all, I'm crying for the next month :')

#the penumbra podcast #tpp #juno steel #peter nureyev #jupeter #tpp spoilers #tpp s5 #tpp s5 spoilers #juno x peter #junoverse #I cant with them. I know it's such a little detail but COME ON theyre the monarchs of observation. #juno and nureyev would KNOW. oh shit but Juno probably doesn't remember verbatim what he said #bc he really thiught he'd never hear it anyway #but Nureyev? He hears that every time he sleeps. Every time he chats up a target. every time he cant smile and thinks of the one that #always reminded him how #I AM NOT OKAY (I PROMISE)