#figured I'd do them in separate posts instead of all together

[emkini]

@spidey-loving-starkid said: Good Morning Judge Sokka?

Color Palettes Here 

FUN FACT. Following a massive mental breakdown I had in March 2021 that set me back months of art progress, I completely stopped using a lineless style and never looked back. Tonight I decided fuck it, it’s been two years. Might as well give it a shot. This feels like absolution

#atla #avatar the last airbender #sokka #atla fanart #illustration #there are two more of these queued #figured I'd do them in separate posts instead of all together #because it feels weird to put multiple illustrations in the same post y'know #em draws

[canonicallyobserving911]

Buck & Eddie: 7x4 and 7x5 stills in episode order???

When the two separate synopses were released for 7x4, I wondered how 9-1-1 was going to fit everything into the episode that was released via the BTS stills but then I realized they wouldn't be able to especially since the length of each one (without advertisements) is only 42 to 45 minutes. Also, it appears there will be three main storylines, i.e. Athena and Harry, Hen's life changing news and Buck being bothered and bewildered.

After considering all of the information that's been released, a few days ago, I figured the stills of Buck and Eddie in Buck’s loft, the ones of them talking in the firehouse gym and the one of Eddie and Bobby's conversation wouldn't be included in 7x4. Additionally, I remembered the way 3x5 "Rage" ended with Buck and Eddie still on the outs and they didn't reconcile until the end of 3x6 "Monsters" when Buck made Eddie talk to him. With OS recently commenting on someone's IG post about how the two pictures of Buck and Eddie in the loft are from 7x5, it added confirmation to my analysis.

Since I'm a visual person, I like to see things in their totality instead of in increments the way the BTS pics have been released. Therefore, I've put all the stills together in a way that IMO, could be how they'll play out during each episode and there's one picture of Buck by himself that was released but I believe it deals with something else. I've included it at the end because I'm going to do a separate post on it.

Before I delve into this, here's my UNPOPULAR OPINION. I ship Buddie and only Buddie but I have to admit, I'm not really excited about this storyline because IMO, the audience has seen it before in 3x5 and 3x6 when Eddie was temporarily partnered with Lena (post linked here). Sure, he didn't leave the 118 but Eddie did have a new work partner who Buck was clearly not happy about. Also, even though Eddie didn't tell Buck about her, it was evident by Buck's reaction, he was in fact jealous since he thought he was being replaced and it seemed to be part of the reason why he filed the lawsuit (not the only reason but part of it). Reminder, he was ok with being the Fire Marshall until he heard Lena call Eddie's name in 3x4 then once he saw her, he asked Bobby, "You replaced me?"

At this point, in six years, I hoped Buck and Eddie would be at a place in their partnership where they can actually discuss things like adults instead of Buck lashing out. Please don't misunderstand me because I get it, Buck's worried about being abandoned again so it's understandable and this time he doesn't have anyone to cling to. But if they would let him go back to therapy like he went on his own in season 4, maybe he could spend time working on himself and this storyline could have been avoided. Will I change my mind before Thursday... honestly, I'm not sure.

Back to the regularly schedule program...

7x4 "Buck, Bothered and Bewildered"

Based on the look on Buck's face in the stills from them at Air Rescue, IMO, it's likely this scene could happen first because he seems to be bothered and bewildered by how close Eddie and Tommy are. Hopefully there's a scene before this one that explains how they became fast friends but it's also possible it'll be another scenario where Eddie magically contacts Tommy or vice versa and they start hanging out but the audience won't see it the same way we didn't see how Eddie magically got M's phone number? 🤷🏽‍♀️

Full disclosure: I don't trust Tommy Kinard and I've already posted about my reasoning (linked here) and I may elaborate on it but I really don't want to because I'd rather not focus anymore of my attention on the character.

Buck's face in the stills below while he's at the firehouse, appear to be hopeful like he got his "Eddie" back but when he sees him walk away, he gets that sad look in his eyes like he's being left behind again. That's why IMO, it happens before the basketball court scene but after them being at Air Rescue.

I tried to put the pictures below in order but since there's no context for when some of them happen, I added them where I thought they should go. Also, since Buck's bag is still on his shoulder in the third picture with him holding the basketball, I figured it happens before they start playing. Maybe Chimney hands it to him and he looks at Eddie and Tommy like him and Chimney are going to win the game.

IMO, Buck will have a conversation with Maddie before the end of the episode and that's when JLH's leaked script will come into play. Also, I believe Chimney will be the one to tell Buck he's acting irrationally then he'll ask him if something else might be going on. Reminder, he's going to be on the court with them and he'll witness the event.

It appears 7x4 will end with them still upset with one another just like 3x5 ended with them not talking.

7x5 - "You don't know me"

I've already completed a post on the title of the episode (linked here) but I do believe multiple people will say, "You don't know me" throughout the episode, including Eddie possibly saying it to Tommy.

When the episode begins, Buck and Eddie still won't be communicating just like they weren't in 3x6. Also, since there aren't any stills that show Tommy and Eddie discussing an available job position at Air Rescue, the only information that was made available came from one of the promos that included Bobby telling Eddie, "I can't tell you how to feel about this job, only you can do that" so it appears Eddie's going to be presented with the option to leave the 118 again either at the end of 7x4 or the beginning of 7x5 but I think his conversation with Bobby will happen at the beginning of 7x5.

Now, ever since TM (showrunner) released the two pictures below in advance of season 7, they've always perplexed me and it's mainly due to the looks on their faces, more so Buck's because he doesn't look angry or frustrated, he just looks tired like he's retreating or giving up. Initially, I didn't speculate on the pictures because I had no idea what was going on and I'm still not sure but based on the things that have been released regarding the episodes, IMO, Buck will apologize just like he did in 3x6 followed by him telling Eddie that he'll have his back if he wants to leave the 118 and go to Air Rescue. Reminder, the last time Eddie left in 5x10, he told Buck in front of Hen and Ravi but the audience only caught a glimpse of Buck's reaction.

I believe the stills below will happen towards the end of the episode and it will be similar to their conversation that happened in the firehouse in 3x6 with a little bit of the 3x9 kitchen scene thrown in. My reasoning is because they're at Buck's loft and Buck will be sitting alone probably pondering what he should do next since it'll be a strong possibility (for him at least) that Eddie will leave and he'll have to find a new partner.

I think Eddie will say something similar to the things he said in 3x6, "I forgive you. Just don't let it happen again" but this time it'll be different and more along the lines of how they talked in 3x9 (related post linked here).

This is where their dynamic seems to change because unlike 3x9, Eddie's not leaned against the counter, he's actually touching Buck's shoulder and his waist the same way he did in 3x1 during Buck's surprise welcome back party but they're the only two present 👀.

When I saw the picture above, I had an immediate reaction to it because it reminded me of something the audience has seen before. I'm not going to include my thoughts on it in this post but I will do a separate one about it.

The point of this post is to illustrate with the BTS stills how the scenes in the next two episodes with Buck and Eddie could play out. Will they finally take the leap at the end of 7x5 and become a CANON couple or will the show continue to delay the inevitable? Only the showrunner, writers, producers, actors and actresses know the answer to that question. Hopefully, they will start their romantic relationship because it's been six years and there's no reason to keep delaying it.

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #911 abc #911 season 7 #911 season 7 speculation #911 spoilers #911 speculation #911 on abc #the buckley diaz family #buckley diaz family #911 meta #anti bucktommy #anti tommy kinard #anti eddiemarisol #anti eddietommy #chimney han #bobby nash #maddie buckley

[cod-dump]

I come back with another TV series quote, Stranger Things addition. I've been seeing all these posts about how done Gaz is with Soap and Ghost, so I thought I'd contribute.

Ghost, driving to the rendezvous point: *Arguing with Soap* What are you gonna do, walk to the extraction point?

Soap: I will do anything if it gets me a way from you!

Gaz, very tired and very done with this bullshit: Children! Children! Children! This interminable bickering was amusing at first, but it's getting stale, and we've got a long drive ahead of us.

Gaz: So why don't you two cut the horseshit and get to the part where you admit your sexual feelings for one another.

Ghost, almost stearing into a ditch: Woah!

Soap: You are way off base, buddy!

Gaz: Oh, spare me, spare me, spare me! *Leans into the middle concel, looking at Soap*

Gaz: Yes, yes, hes a brute. I know. Probably reminds you of a bad relationship, and gosh, you'd really like a nice man to settle down with, but admit it, you're real curious to know what he's like I'm the sack!

Gaz, turning to Ghost: And you! Hah! Well, you're just a big man baby who'd rather act tough than show his true feelings because the last time you opened your heart, you got hurt. Owie.

Gaz: And now, rather than admit these feelings, you're dancing around one another with this mind-numbing and frankly borish mating ritual. So please, for my sake, either quit

Gaz: Or pull over, tear off those clothes, and get it over with!

Ghost and Soap: *Silence*

There was a period after all that was said that Gaz was sure that he was dead.

The silence was loud, suffocating. Nothing was said for several minutes and that gave Gaz plenty of time to think about what exactly he had said and to who. He’s known Ghost longer, he knows how he feels about being confronted with his emotions, his humanity. Gaz felt comfortable with Soap but he knew the man sometimes had a explosive temper. So the silence, the silence that would not exist if it was just one of the men instead of both, was very nerve racking.

The fact nothing was said the rest of the drive said far too much, that Gaz said too much.

They made it to the extraction point where Nik was waiting. Again, nothing was said that was strictly business on the flight back. It was obvious that Nik picked up on the tension and quickly figured it stemmed from Gaz. Man had always been observant so Gaz was hoping he could rely on him for protection if it came to that.

They made it back to base and thankfully Price was there, waiting for them in a professional yet relaxed pose. Silently, the three climbed out and Gaz hung back to avoid walking between the all too quiet Soap and Ghost. He felt Nik’s gaze on him and then Price’s, the man quickly picking up on whatever Nik and felt/seen. Fortunately the man didn’t say anything about it and just walked them inside to debrief.

Everything after that point would just be too quiet. Even with the regular chatter of the soldiers, everyone moving and working as normal, it was too fucking quiet. Soap and Ghost went their separate ways after the debriefing and just disappeared all together after that. Gaz was terrified to go to his office or room so he chose to stick next to Price.

“Sergeant… dare I ask what the hell happened on that mission?”

Gaz just sat silently next to him, eyes flickering to the door of the room, as if expecting someone to come barging in and attack him. That might’ve been Soap’s approach, Gaz has never seen Ghost go in guns blasting unless there was no other option.

“More like what happened afterward… I think they’re going to kill me.”

“Why would you think that?”

Price was definitely showing more interest in whatever was going on with Gaz over the paperwork before him. Man loved to hear gossip even though he would rather eat straight coffee grounds than admit it.

“May have overstepped with Soap and Ghost.”

Price was laser focused on him and it made Gaz shudder. He tried to avoid looking at his captain and just focus on the door completely. Gaz knew he couldn’t beat around the bush forever (Price would beat him if he did) so he just took a deep breath and told him everything. He explained their argument, what lead to it, and what Gaz had said to them on the car ride to the extraction point. Gaz took a breath after the final word, leaning over the table and closing his eyes to avoid looking or perceiving anything.

Price laughed loudly and Gaz just hunkered down more. Price tried to say something throughout his fit of uncontrollable laughing fit but was simply unable to get anything out. Price wasn’t the type to laugh at someone’s misery (though it has happened) so Gaz was hoping the situation was just too ridiculous and Gaz’s worry was purely irrational.

Finally, after Price laughing long and hard enough for him to be out of breath, the man calmed and pat Gaz’s shoulder.

“I wish I could’ve been there!”

“Cap-“

“You’re fine, Kyle. They’re not going to do shit.”

Gaz relaxed at Price’s certainty. Price was right, he was fine.

Gaz would stay fine until the next day early in the morning. He would be at breakfast in the mess, attempting to chase away the grogginess with coffee when he noticed someone sit at the table he was at.

“Hey, Gaz. How’d you sleep?”

Gaz was surprised to hear it was Soap, “Fine. You losing your voice, mate? Sound like- OH MY GOD-“

Gaz had opened his eyes to see Soap and the absolute murder scene that was his neck. It looked like someone strangled him then bit him to hell and back. Gaz gawked, Soap avoiding looking him in the eye like he was Medusa. Gaz struggled to say something, anything.

“What the fuck happened to you?!”

Soap was red in the face, turning his upper body away from Gaz. Gaz was going to push more but then Soap muttered, face practically on fire.

“Had a… ‘talk’ with Ghost about our feelings yesterday.”

Gaz gasped louder than what others would’ve deemed necessary, but to him it was very necessary. Soap decided to leave quickly, Gaz just staring after him with his jaw hanging open. Soap disappeared out of the mess and Gaz didn’t know what to do other than grab his phone and immediately text Price what he had just learned and seen.

#first bigger thing I’ve written in forever! yay!! #cod mwii #call of duty #modern warfare ii #kyle gaz garrick #john price #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #soapghost #ghostsoap #ask #thanks for the ask <3 #drabble #ficlet #fic

[producedbyhan]

The movie club storyline so far (In honor of the SKZFLIX teaser)

So firstly, if you aren't already aware, the Mixtape: On Track, B Me, Mixtape: OH, and The View music videos are all set in an "AU" of sorts, where SKZ are part of a filmmaking club. SKZFLIX, while not being an MV and instead set to be a music drama, appears to also be in this universe. So let's talk about the story so far.

Mixtape: On Track is kind of a film-within-a-film. We know this as there is a scene in B Me of Jisung burning the script for On Track, the film the club made. If we zoom in to the script and flip it so we can read it better, there is also this extra detail:

Meaning that in On Track, Jeongin played the role of a character crushing on/in love with Hyunjin for the film (shown above in the cover art for the song as well). This implies that the whole plot of On Track was part of the film they were making. So rather than club member Hyunjin falling for the female lead actress, being jealous of Minho, and helping the club film footage, it's actually that the character he was playing was doing these things.

Next is B Me, which is kind of told in medias res, where it's shown being recorded by the club at the same time that they are watching a screening of it. Some of the action scenes in this, such as Minho getting hurt in a car accident (and the resulting cast he has in OH, as well as the club's separation) makes me think that these happened before OH, and them watching the screening is after OH (after they potentially reunite).

From this point on it starts getting more ambiguous regarding which scenes are the movie club's real life versus. the characters they're playing in their movies, so I'd like to hear people's thoughts on this.

In Mixtape: OH, we see the movie club post-graduation, and they've all distanced from each other. Jisung passes a graduation certificate to Minho, who snatches it from him - possibly a lingering rift between them due to their car accident part in B Me. Hyunjin is painting now, Jeongin attempts to call him on the phone but is ignored. Minho finds a box of Hyunjin's unclaimed belongings in the club. Jeongin goes to a store to buy the same drink he took from Hyunjin in On Track, indicating him/his character pining/missing Hyunjin. Felix (or rather, Jeongin imagining Felix) intervenes and tries to stop him, but we see Jeongin walking out with it despite that. Changbin is seen in a bus looking through photos and reminisces about when Minho and Jisung were still close. The lyrics in this part kind of tie into this as well. Jisung gets on the bus and misses Changbin getting off it, and starts to have memories of the bus from when they were all still together. We see Chan listening to The View, and a bus stop with "Dreams come true to those who truly want them" (also appears The View) on it, which is our next video. Felix also reads a book about dreams with the same quote. Minho goes to Hyunjin's art room to return his belongings, and writes a note for him while he's there. Felix lights a candle and makes a wish, and then we see his dream/wish of Changbin, Chan, Jisung and himself being friends again. However, the candle in the dream starts being rained on. Hyunjin finds and reads the note, and then we leave on kind of a cliffhanger.

Next, we have The View. There's not too much to get into with this one, but we know from their comments in the making film that it's about the film club making up.

They mention that this is heaven. Could be meant figuratively, or maybe something terrible happened to the club members that we don't know about? Felix is seen making a wish on a candle again, so one other possible interpretation is that this whole MV is a dream/heaven and he's wishing for it to be reality.

Finally, SKZFLIX. I wonder if it's going to be filling in some of the blanks of the story (as we see Minho with wounds again) or something else entirely? They say in the teaser that the film they're making is about a parallel world, and that Felix has to "go back", which is interesting given his role in the previous videos, especially with how he's the only one moving in this shot (0m36s). Minho and Jisung are seen leaning on each other, as well as Hyunjin and Jeongin (again, interesting with what we know so far). Let's look forward to its release on November 3rd!

#stray kids #skz #mixtape oh #b me #the view #skzflix #mixtape on track

[meimi-haneoka]

Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card Chapter 77: Comments + JP-ENG translation differences

Welcome back, once again, for my (endless) analysis post about the most recent chapter of Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card! This month we're here a tiny bit earlier due to Nakayoshi coming out on September 1st instead of the 3rd like every month, thus bringing forward the release of the chapter on Comic Days and CLAMP's Youtube channel of a couple of days! And boooooy, did I cry with this chapter! I think it's no surprise for anyone, right? 😂 after all, my preferences are very transparent and finally CLAMP-sensei gave me a crumble (more like an entire piece) of happiness in this chapter (immediately flooded with a surge of frustration, hahaha! When I say that they have fun torturing us, Kaito/Akiho fans....) Another puzzle piece in the enigma of Sakura's foretelling dreams also went to its right place, and we got more references of events and feelings that were expressed many, many chapters ago.

Let's not waste time and see what wrecked me this month and, most importantly, if we had any translation mistakes! (Spoilers, there are! Do you think we'd be safe from them, when there's a huge Kaito/Akiho scene?) But, wait, hold on! We're missing my usual silly "gif of the month" corner!! 😂

(don't be fooled by the appearances, this is Kaito 😂)

Aaaaand we proceed under the cut with the analysis of the color page and further!

The Color Page

Hahahahah, my god, sensei really is messing with my sanity starting from the color page, here... I've been asking forever for a Kaito/Akiho color page where they could finally be featured together and have all the attention on them, but no! They decided to troll me even further by featuring Akiho in chapter 76 and Kaito in chapter 77! 😂 YES, back-to-back, but STILL separated! 😂😂😂 I guess I'll have to live with this torture till the end.... Aaaaah, and what a color page we have for Kaito, here.... First of all, I have to say I'm mesmerized by the beautiful blue color spanning from the starry night sky to the clear waters below. Huge crystals are surrounding the main scene, emerging from the waters, but the real protagonists of this color page are undoubtedly two: the giant silver Moon on the background, and.....him, our great absentee for 7 chapters now - Yuna D. Kaito. Whoever knows me can well imagine what effect this color page had on me, especially after I had enough time to pause and consider his portrayal here, especially in relation to the content of the chapter. First of all, the JP text over it is the infamous threat the Association made to him and the words Sakura has been partially hearing in her dreams since long time ago: "If the Seal of D activates, you won't be able to come back". Standing outside the water, we see him dressed in his Association robes, giving his back to us. But reflected in the water, we can see him wearing his typical butler outfit, the one he always wore ever since he arrived in Japan with Akiho. And here, he's fully facing us. If I can dare giving an interpretation of this portrayal of Kaito (which is clearly meant to be interpreted figuratively, since the reflection doesn't correspond not only for the outfit, but also for the mismatch between back/front of Kaito), I'd daresay this is a clear representation of the duality living inside of Kaito right now, and the endless contrast originating from it. Inside Kaito there are two parts of him, constantly in conflict, and this conflict is mainly the reason why we got to this point in the story. Kaito really does have a hard time letting go of the past in the Association, which for better or for worse shaped him and gave him all the hidden traumas that contributed to his distorted, immature view of certain life matters. And he's got a hard time not because he enjoyed being one of them, not at all. We could see it clearly, he never enjoyed being a part of the Association, let alone felt like he belonged to it. But it's all he's ever known from a very young age till he decided to save Akiho, and the way he grew up in that den of criminals influenced him, making him feel like he really is a delinquent like the rest of them, undeserving of love and compassion. I can think immediately of one comment he made in chapter 67, that reveals clearly this mindset: in Clockland, when Momo told him "it's useless, even if you disguise yourself as the next head of the Li clan, it (your true nature) shows anyway" his sarcastic reply was "what, my wickedness?". Now that we know that he never really intended to cause intentionally any harm to anyone with his plan, but actually took care in ensuring that everyone would be safe, happy and minimally inconvenienced, his comment shows even more in what a distorted way he sees himself. This is the part of him that still thinks he's better off alone, undeserving of the bond with Akiho, especially for what he inadvertedly caused to her. Now that I think about it, those crystals emerging from the water really do remind me of the crystals storing the memories of the "characters" in Clockland, again from chapter 67.

But, inside Kaito there's also the "new him" (or should we say the real him?), how he changed after making that fateful decision, after interacting with Akiho and creating a bond with her along the years (even if he tried to fight it and ignore it, uselessly, for so long). It's the part of him that learned what's good in interacting with others, and what it means to have someone you love dearly and would do anything for. That part of him is represented here by the reflection in the water. And it's really no surprise that the two parts of him are facing opposite directions, a very nice representation of how they're in contrast with eachother, pulling him in different "directions". I take the "butler" part of Kaito facing us as a symbol of that being the part of himself he really wants to be, the true self, but is currently submerged under the traumas and skewed convictions about himself that his past self (represented by the Kaito in the Association robe) experienced. If Kaito wants to take another chance at life, a happy, worth living one, he needs to let go of the past and help the part of him that's underwater emerging and claiming it fully. That's what Momo has been praying he would realize all along. That he would notice, and accept, the part of him that learned what love means through his bond with Akiho. Of course, this color page affected me emotionally in a strong way, and I also missed seeing Kaito's face, so I really really love it.

The Aura of a Gentle Moon

Soooo, we left our kids in a pretty problematic situation last time, right? An attack, in the guise of a shower of arrows, was coming down on them, and the chapter starts exactly with something I imagined could've happened: the connection with the group waiting at Yukito's home is re-established, and they see the attack in live streaming! 😱

Sakura uses swiftly her Shield Card, and oh-la-la, what do we have here? A new design??? Must be because she used it with the Dream wand! 😀.....wait, then should we assume that maybe even the "wrong" design of the Sword Card was....intentional?? 😮

...Unfortunately for Sakura, the incoming attack effortlessly bypasses Shield, aiming at them once again! ...Thank god the group at Yukito's home is watching, since this allows Touya to....stop time!! Yesssss, it seems Kaito's re-writing of their reality didn't remove Touya's new ability, which shows it's truly innate in him! Touya's magic is effective in stopping the incoming attack, and exactly as it happened when the Squids+Association tried to attack Kaito back in chapter 33, we have someone who takes the chance of the stopped time to destroy the "arrows": Eriol, working remotely from the comfort of his home in England! Kero and Suppy are hilariously shocked, and Touya affirms he "just started being able to (stop time) all of the sudden" (JP), this pushes Nakuru to frantically ask Eriol if he knew (he says he had no idea) and then to Yukito (and he says "Yes! He told me it's just for a short while, though" and not "for a minute" like the ENG translation said, why do they have to make stuff up all the time????). Touya explains that it's just for 2 seconds, and he uses a word (体感で, taikan de) that expresses a feeling on the body: he's basically saying that what the human perceives of his time-freezing powers corresponds to 2 seconds. This is basically the same power he developed anew at the beginning of the Clear Card Arc, therefore I'm inclined to believe that this ability never left him, even with the re-writing of their world: as the general idea that I always had (judging by the words the character used), Momo's forbidden magic only changes the memories and some limited physical elements (the so-called "discrepancies"), but doesn't remove things that are rooted in people, like magic and, you guessed it, feelings. Now this leaves me wondering what happened to Yukito's pact with the Tsukimine Shrine, and his acquired Moon powers: judging from what we see afterwards, he doesn't seem to have them anymore, probably because that isn't an innate characteristic, but was something acquired with a contract.

In fact, since Touya's time-freezing powers last too short to be able to do anything concretely, Kaho steps in with a beautiful new Moon Bell!!! She explains that her Moon magic gets stronger when the moon is out, so she's going to support Touya's time-freezing magic, but she warns everyone that it's not going to last long. I really appreciated that CLAMP gave a more active role to Kaho, since she's been pretty much in a passive-listening role for the whole manga, so this is really nice to see! Especially cause sensei gave her a new, shiny Moon Bell! ✨ Talking to my friends, we also mentioned that it's nice to see this collaboration "between ex-partners", without any jealousy, any cold shoulder, it's really in tune with the rest of the story!

But it's time to go back to explanations, because Eriol continues saying that the volley that was fired at Sakura and Syaoran was designed to hit automatically the one who would've broken the spell that was hidden behind the fake moon: as I expected (and hoped), this is not a direct attack from the Squids+Association at Sakura, but something that was left in place before, and activated automatically. I still don't think a direct confrontation would be fitting for the thematics of this story, especially now that they made clear that Sakura's power is not enough to beat them (Shield couldn't fend off the attack). Tomoyo correctly guesses that once the time starts moving again, the attacks will resume. Nakuru just says "well, you can just break them with a bit of effort like you did just now, right?" but Eriol warns her that things aren't as easy as they seem: of course that's his intention, but those arrows don't have any will of their own, because they were designed to keep incessantly attacking the person who broke the spell inside the fake moon (not general "invaders" like the ENG translation said). Basically this jutsu is already out of the original casters' (plural, Eriol knows they're many) will. The plushie guardians reflect on the fact that if they don't do anything about the source of this spell while time is still frozen, the arrows will keep attacking the kids out there. Akiho's anxiety, hearing that, understandably increases, but I can also see a desire to intervene in some way, from her.

In front of the fake moon, Syaoran and Sakura recognize Eriol's magic circle and understand that he came to their rescue, and seeing how everything is frozen in time around them, Syaoran wonders if Sakura did this. Of course she answers she didn't, but that's when she surprises us saying that she can feel her brother's "vibe" in there, so she believes this is all his doing. You can really see how Sakura's abilities keep growing and get refined more and more, since now she's also capable of recognizing Touya's magic (something she didn't seem to be feeling, before). And that's not all, she's able to feel Kaho's aura too, defining it a "gentle moon presence" (Kaho's powers have been defined "gentle moon powers" by Momo, before). Syaoran (or Sakura, here it's really hard to understand who talked) says that some other spell might activate soon, so they need to take the dragon out while they can (how rude, ENG translation!! "That thing"??? These kids aren't crude like you guys).

Sakura dispels the Shield Card and turns to talk to the dragon again, for this task that will reveal to be harder than she thought. Sakura's やっぱり gets translated in ENG as "Of course", but that's not what it means: she's saying that just as she thought, she's sure she knows him.

This panel kinda made me smile because, while I was talking to a friend last night, we joked about Sakura putting Kaito to trial 😂 She looks very serious here, and let me tell you, the vibe she gives off in this entire scene makes me think she starts to be a bit annoyed with him too 😂

And then, sensei decided to give a good squeeze to my heart, featuring some memories of Akiho back in chapter 49 😭that chapter is one of my favorite ones because it featured a rare Kaito, smiling genuinely and happily. What we saw back then, while Akiho was telling Sakura of her walk in the garden with Kaito, were panels with the flashbacks of that walk, while here we can see how Akiho looked like while she was recounting those events to her friend (understandably, since this is something the Record Card recorded, while what we saw back then was the memories in Akiho's heart). Akiho looks really really in love, in these panels.

Unfortunately, this beautiful moment is stained by an imprecise and incomplete translation in English, which of course irritated me greatly because damn, you can really see how, as soon as things turn about Akiho and Kaito, the quality of the translation suddenly drops, almost as if there were a bias. This is so unfair. Particularly because this scene had already been translated, and paradoxically it sounded better how they did it in chapter 49. Why changing it, why not using those same words? Anyway, I'm going to put both versions here so you can see the difference.

ENG: "We went for a walk last night. Out in the garden. Although I'm afraid I did most of the talking. Still...ever since our travels brought us to Japan...he's remembered everything. I treasure every moment I've spent with -san. I only hope he feels the same about the time he's spent with me."

JP: "We had a walk in the garden of our house. I did most of the talking, but... -san remembered it all. About the many countries we visited together, and our days here in Japan too. I treasure every single moment I've spent with -san, none excluded, so I hope it's the same for him. It doesn't need to be every moment, as long as he holds one dear"

Can you see how many concepts are missing from the ENG translation, how much has been skipped and summarized? The absurd thing is that a lot of what I've put in the JP paragraph comes from the original translation in ENG they did for chapter 49. Miraculously, they had done a very good job with that scene. So why? Why changing it now when she's saying exactly the same words, in this flashback (minus Kaito's name, of course)? It's completely missing the dualism between Akiho's "I cherish every single moment with him" (that 一つ残らず, "not even one left out", left a big impression on me ever since ch. 49) and "it's not necessary he treasures every single moment with me, even just one is fine" which had moved me so much back in ch. 49 because it revealed how Akiho is not loving Kaito out of an egoistic and greedy love, exactly like all the other characters in CCS. She doesn't demand to be reciprocated. She's content with knowing that she's got a tiny place in his heart. You might argue "why are you so hung up on this, especially since it's a repetition of an old scene", but here I tell you, the fans' memory is short and if we don't focus on the representation of the feelings of the characters in a shoujo manga, then what are we supposed to do? And those feelings should be portrayed and represented at best by the translations too.

The Hikikomori Dragon

Anyway. Moving on. Sakura affirms that despite his name and appearance had been erased from the records of the Record Card, the fact that Akiho had a very important person to her wasn't erased. While she passionately affirms so, we can see more flashbacks of Akiho (like the night-time talk she had with Kaito in chapter 61, and the double date).

Well, I tried to move on, but the fact is that once again I have to facepalm at the ENG translation, because apparently they really don't want to let Sakura say that Kaito looked at Akiho with lots of care and affectionate feelings. Yeah, remember the missed とても大切に that I complained about in last chapter? Sakura said it again, but they were capable of messing it up even this time.

ENG: "She was so happy when she spoke of you...and you took such good care of her. You are the one thing Akiho-chan never wanted to lose"

JP: "Akiho-chan was so happy when she spoke of you. And you, who looked at her with such care/affection, are the one she didn't want to lose."

I get quite peeved at how they managed again to not let Sakura say clearly that she could read in Kaito's affectionate stare towards Akiho how much she was important to him (I won't repeat the explanation of what 大切に means, please check the post of chapter 76). They steered it towards "you took good care of her" but this is not what Sakura was talking about. His job as her butler, or the fact that he took care of her isn't absolutely the topic, here. This is about how your feelings towards someone shine through your eyes. And it's a very important part because what Sakura is trying to tell Kaito here is "Even if you tried to erase it all, the fact that you were important for Akiho stayed, and I know you also considered her important by the way you looked at her and the impression it left on me. So get your sh*t together" What Sakura said here was so straightforward and powerful that I can't help but feel she backed Kaito into a corner (and I have to admit, I also thought "Stop right there Sakura, you're talking too much, these are things that Akiho is supposed to say to Kaito, not you"). However, I don't really like how the phrasing of the ENG translation reeks of "let's steer this towards the parental role he had towards her" because omg this is really not it. Kaito was never a parental figure for Akiho, let alone her legal guardian (what happened in chapter 40 should have cleared that enough already). And even if they were referring to his job as a butler, again, this is really not what Sakura is talking about, here. Aside from the fact that she shouldn't even remember about how he took care of her (she doesn't remember anything about him, only what she recovered from Record and those are still fragmented memories). I'm afraid they're digging their own grave, if they insist in going in this direction and sabotaging their lines in this way. Aside from the fact that it looks more and more deliberate.

But let's move on because the most emotional moment is yet to come. Sakura then asks the fatidic question (JP because I don't like how they phrased it in ENG): JP: "The reason why you won't move even though I have dispelled the magic that kept you trapped....is because you don't want to come out?"

The dragon closes his eyes and slightly bends his head forward, as if nodding. How wonderful, Mokona-sensei, and her ability to make a dragon that can't talk, got limited movement and almost no expression look so expressive. And this is not even the peak of his expressivity. Sakura understands his "reply", but while holding the precious pocket watch, she answers that she made a promise to Akiho, which is to try to bring him back. So she knows what she needs to do. There's only one person who can turn things around.

Sakura, through her earcuff, calls Kero and Yue and asks them to come at the "moon", bringing Akiho along with them. I really loved how self-confident Sakura looks here, how she's got the situation under control. The guardians change into their full forms at once and Nakuru eagerly asks Eriol what she and Suppy should do in the meantime. He tells them to protect Touya, the "performer of the time magic". I loved how every single person of Sakura's entourage is involved in this, by now. Everyone wants to do their part, out of their own will. I think it's simply beautiful. They do it because they support Sakura, but also because they sincerely want to help Akiho, who's currently the one who's got the world crumbling under her feet the most, out of this situation. You don't need to be tightly involved with someone to want to help them. And so Kero tells Akiho to go, and she's absolutely not scared or unsure, but actually is oozing determination from every pore.

Back at the fake moon, the kids start realizing the environment around them is getting unstable: Syaoran explains that this is because magicians who are capable of manipulating time magic are just a handful to begin with, and then it's also necessary a huge amount of power to make it work. Touya and Kaho are doing their best, but the spell is already starting to crack. In this tense situation where there's need for time magic, Syaoran apologizes to Sakura because he isn't capable of using time magic yet. I've seen this specific line creating surprise and confusion in lots of the fans I've seen on my TL on Twitter, but things make sense: Syaoran using time magic is a thing of the anime only, as he only ever used the Time Clow Card (and Sakura Card, in ep. 14 of the Clear Card anime), while this card doesn't exist in the manga. We'll see how this line will be treated in the anime adaptation, especially considering the presence of the Time Card. Sakura, always being the loving girlfriend she is, reassures him that the mere fact he's there with her allows her to do her very best in this situation (there, they managed to sneak in a SyaoSaku moment too!). This is something she said in the old arcs too, especially at the end of the battle with Eriol, how the mere presence of Syaoran reassures her and gives her courage....it's so lovely to see it reiterated here!

And now my readers we enter the "core" of this chapter, the one that really wrecked me over (both in a happy and sad way), with the arrival of Akiho flying on Kero's back!! How cute!! This is one of those depictions you thought you'd never see, and yet!! Akiho immediately asks the two friends if they're hurt anywhere, but Sakura reassures her and thanks her for coming here (her good manners and kindness make me smile everytime...they're doing all of this for Akiho, and yet, she thanks her for coming, because she feels involved in this almost as much as her!) With the help of the Mirror Sakura Card, Sakura makes a third copy of Flight, and gives it to Akiho.

You're My Most Important Person

And here, the pages of the chapter leave to Mokona-sensei's skills the task to tell us, wordlessly, about the first reunion in forever in several months between Kaito and Akiho.

Sakura gently leads Akiho at the entrance of the fake moon, and the girl makes eye-contact with him. The dragon. The one we know actually being Kaito.

The dragon looks at her almost longingly, and the expected tears in Akiho's eyes pour out copiously, like a river in flood. The emotions are too powerful to be able to contain them. Especially because, when Sakura checks on her to make sure she's ok (seeing her crying like that all of the sudden alarmed her), Akiho answers that she doesn't even know why the tears are flowing from her eyes like that. This is all instinctive and on impulse, those tears come from something that's deep, deep inside. The mind doesn't remember, but the heart (and body) does. This concept that we've come to know especially in works like Tsubasa, and that became so iconic for CLAMP, is reiterated even in this arc of Cardcaptor Sakura.

Akiho might not remember anything, she might not know why those tears keep coming out, and yet....

JP, lit.: "This pain is telling me that...my most important person is right in front of me"

She knows. She recognized him by the pain that's crushing her heart. An insufferable pain she's been feeling all along, ever since he activated that damn forbidden magic and gave her that perfect, lovely life. A pain left by his absence, which only gets amplified now that he's in front of her. And what to say about the words she chose? As if her heart started leading her on its own, and couldn't wait any longer. We all know this is the CCS code for "The person I love the most is right in front of me". And, contrarily to the ENG translation that kept on the "safe side" translating it literally (couldn't have expected any different), the Spanish translation made her say almost precisely "the person I love the most". Basically, we could say Akiho confessed her feelings there and then, without filters, earnestly. So typical of her.

And Kaito's reaction, omg...I have to say that in my shrieking session while I was "reading" (more like trying to make out the pages among the tears), the part that wrecked me the most was seeing his eyes glistening at hearing that he's Akiho's most important person. God. How long he's wished to hear that, with such a powerful reaction? Kaito, the stoic Kaito, the one who always wore a smiling mask, the one who used to stop his hand to prevent any contact, any connection with her, is now on the verge of letting his emotion take a hold of him, moving him to tears. Because the person he's given all of himself for, just said that she loves him. As I also exposed in my analysis of the color page, Kaito thought all this time that he was undeserving of all of this, for many many reasons. Therefore, hearing her baring her heart to him and telling him with clear words what he means to her is something incredibly powerful to him. Remember when Sakura was talking to him before? She almost spilled the entire thing there, saying that "Akiho had someone very important", but he only looked at her, seemingly not having any reaction. It almost seems to me as if he wasn't believing her. Because, as soon as he heard those words from Akiho herself, his reaction was VERY different.

Sakura takes the watch out of her pocket, giving it back to Akiho. She seems to know that this item is extremely important and can give strength to Akiho for her mission. Especially because, as she informs her friend, the dragon doesn't want to come out of there. Akiho takes the pocket watch and clutches it tightly, while resolutely affirming that she's going inside, because there's something she needs to ask him, no matter what. Again, the ENG translation treated this part superficially and left behind that "no matter what" that indicated how hellbent Akiho is on this. And in my opinion it was very important to keep it, not only because it contributes to shake off that "passive" unjustified reputation she's got, but also because only someone assertive like her can hope to turn Kaito around. And, poor Akiho, I can only imagine what my girl wants to ask him. "Why? Why did you do this?" Imagine if she manages to make him that question, later on. He wasn't able to answer when Momo made that question in chapter 51, but now he'll be forced to realize it. But, in my opinion, this isn't the only thing she'll ask. Because yes, seeing all of them joining forces to bring him back is wonderful and all, but all of this got no meaning if Kaito himself doesn't want to come back. And I'm sure he wants to, but he has to realize it, first. And I absolutely cannot envision Akiho imposing on him her desire to have him back. Leaving aside the fact that there are still a couple of problematics to fix (shortened lifespan? Artifact?), the most important thing in this moment is that everyone knows where their heart is and what they want. Because they need to learn to do things correctly. And no one will decide someone else's happiness on their behalf in this manga, ever again.

Alas, as soon as Akiho moves to enter the fake moon, the dragon violently takes off and exits, soaring in the skies of Tomoeda.

(the chapter is special, so forgive me for the use of a second gif 😂) My reaction was way more......violent than the one above when I've seen the last page of this chapter, but one thing is for sure: Kaito/the Dragon literally ran away 😂 I mean, to see a hilarious side to the situation, Sakura and Syaoran have spent god knows how long to try to convince him to get out of there, and Akiho just had to move a step forward to prompt him to get out 😂😂😂😂 I've been saying it forever, the power this girl got over him...! 😂😂😂 Now, I've seen many people trying to give their interpretation of the reason why he had such a reaction, and I've seen many interpreting it as him not wanting for her to get inside such a dangerous place. Well, my interpretation is a bit different, and it's based on 3 aspects. First, Sakura successfully broke the spell inside the fake moon, the cage and clock parts completely disappeared, and the environment inside doesn't seem warped anymore (Sakura and Syaoran found the exit immediately), so I'm inclined to believe there isn't any more danger inside that space. The "jagged" parts we see near the entrance are just because the space surrounding them is becoming unstable, due to the time magic starting to wear off. So I don't see an immediate danger inside the fake moon for Akiho that would prompt Kaito to get out. Second, if it were only to protect her, he would've exited and stopped right outside the fake moon. Alas, we saw very well that he's heading far from them, and doesn't have intention to stop. Or to hear her out. So this leads me to point n. 3..... He's just heard Akiho baring her feelings like that, and he heard her saying she wants to ask him something, no matter what. God, that must've been terrifying for him. Especially cause I expect his guilt increased exponentially, if he's starting to realize that he royally f*cked up, with his activation of the forbidden magic. This is....simply too much for him to bear. Do you have a hard time seeing him like that, so fragile, so emotional? Then I should probably remind you that this is almost a precise re-enactment of the dynamic that occurred in that infamous scene of chapter 52 (the pudding one. Yea. You know, that one.). Akiho opens up, speaks her feelings for him out, he interrupts her and runs away with an excuse. He's just like that. It is very hard for him to deal with feelings. Doesn't he remind you of Syaoran? Get ready, because I feel like we're about to witness a game of tag in the skies of Tomoeda. 😂

Also, I can't forget mentioning an important thing: the circle is closing more and more, cause we finally see happening a scene that Sakura saw in her dreams in chapter 2, the very beginning of this journey! As usual, what we see in the beginning of a CLAMP manga defines its ending (as the end of a CLAMP story is always decided right at the beginning).

That goes without saying, I literally cannot wait for next chapter, especially to see how many seconds Akiho will let pass before bolting after Kaito, helped by Flight (we know that Card can be very very speedy! 😂)

This chapter was a storm of feelings for me, so I'll go resting now and make a list of all the songs I had imagined for this finale, and that indeed turned out to be so fitting! I'll dump them on my twitter account in the next days 😂 Chapter 78 is expected for October 1st on CLAMP's YT channel (CLAMP haven't taken a break ever since chapter 65, they really are holding out till the end).

Well, we've reached the end of this post, so as usual, I await for your comments and asks in my inbox! See you!!

#cardcaptor sakura #card captor sakura #clear card arc #sakura card captor #ccsakura #ccs spoilers #translation differences #chapter 77 #syaosaku #yunaaki #yuna d. kaito #akiho shinomoto #sakura kinomoto #syaoran li

[lurkinglurkerwholurks]

Choose - Lose

First posted: April 2, 2019

Focuses on: Tim Drake, Jason Todd, and Bruce Wayne

Favorite bookmark: "cried again. i will cry another time"

Second favorite bookmark: "fuck yeah"

Tier: Pretty middle of the road.

This is my “behind the scenes” series where I indulge myself horribly by annotating my fics. Link to the fic itself above. Thoughts below the cut.

This one. was. wild. At 699 words, I think it's my shortest (just checked, it is) and one of my more uhhh experimental pieces.

At some point in 2018-19, I read Raisin Delight by @lemonadegarden, who is an evil genius. I read it and it broke my entire brain and also my heart. It it one of the few fics I remember my name instead of a Friends-esque description. I don't know when exactly I read it because I don't know how long the emotions it inspired had to rattle around in me before they splorted out this fic in response. I wrote it all in one sitting, if I remember correctly. I don't remember getting stuck or having to backtrack. It being so short helped as well. It was—as you can tell by comparing the works—less about what happened in the fic and responding to that the way one might via a sequel or even going "I like that but what if you..." and more about be feeling many, many things around the concept presented and just needing to barf emotions into a brown paper bag.

They stood side by side, shoulders angled outward, faces on the horizon. The wind rose, lashing stinging grains of sands against their skin before dying down again.

No philosophical intro on this one. It's too short and the tone is all wrong for that kind of introduction. There was no question about sidestepping my usual chattiness and dropping in midscene. Like I said, wrote it all in one sitting, bang, done.

I did try to make each word and image count, though I'm no Ann Leckie and probably could/should have done an even finer job of it, but I do feel like the first two sentences packed in a decent amount of information.

Tim looked to the empty space where the time traveler had stood, a forgettable man with a forgettable face in a forgettable shabby brown suit, and had made his unforgettable offer.

I blame Agatha Christie for this imagery, if I blame anyone.

Bruce, face bare, t-shirt wrinkling in the wind, had sucked in a sharp breath.

This was important, them, as civilians, as people, as a father and his sons, not in costume, not with their gear and tools and weapons. This isn't Batman being forced to choose between his Robins.

In the air, a chopper whined. In the distance, a truck rumbled. A small, caped figure hurried across the dunes.

Fun fact: Even though this fic is so short I have slightly more insight than usual because I was able to pull up my chat history with @audreycritter from right after I wrote it and then surprised her with it, which is the only way I know that I was at work when I started thinking about debt and histories and timelines and realized that Jason's death was the only reason Tim joined Fam, that everyone else would have made their way in eventually but he needed Jason to die to make it and how guilty that might make him feel if he realized it, and then I remembered "Raisin Delight" (still at work) and just about lost it.

Literally at 5:03 PM on 4/1/19 I'm listing different takes I'd love to read and tell Audrey "Or some twisted scenario where a time traveler takes them back and gives them the choice. I couldn't do that one. but I would read it. Maybe. Through my fingers."

... Annnnnd by 7:43 PM on the same day I'm casually texting Audrey "hey off the top of your head by chance do you remember how Jason and Sheila got to the warehouse?" Which is how the above sentence comes into being.

(By 8:31 PM, the fic was already done.)

The traveler disappeared.

This was very much a no-answers fic. Who was that guy? Why was he doing this? How did he find them? Were they all together or did he gather them from separate places? How are they going to get back when they're done?

Answer: Don't wooooorrryyyyyyy 'bout it

Tim’s place with Bruce was bought with blood. Paid for by the death of another boy. Without the sucking, gaping void of Jason’s absence, there was no role for Tim. There would be no grief for Bruce. No reckless rage to tamp down. No despair to fight back. No place for a lonely boy from down the hill. No reason to make the walk to the Manor’s front door.

My thesis statement (paragraph.)

Beside him, Bruce swayed. Forward, as if to step, as if pulled beyond his control. Then backward, rocked by the horror, repelled by the choice.

This is the horror of the fic. Bruce cannot choose. He cannot choose one child over another. Like unbreakable-law-of-the-universe cannot, divisible by zero cannot. But not choosing is choosing, so he can't choose and he can't not choose, and if one of his sons didn't choose for him, he was going to spontaneously combust into antimatter, I think.

Beyond, Jason stood still as granite. Frozen. Hard. Petrified by the glare of Medusa. 

Contrast with Jason, who doesn't dare move a muscle.

The numbness hadn’t yet made it to Tim’s heart. It gave a twinge of surprise that they hadn't moved. Was it up to him again, then? To push Bruce into action? To do what must be done?

Contrast with Tim (the Robin who does what must be done, who exists to help Bruce and keep him on the right path), who assumed Jason must be the one saved, because as he goes on to explain, Jason dies. He gets beaten, tortured, blown apart, killed, buried, and resurrected in his own grave. Tim... well, Tim will lose his heart and happiness and the only true family he's ever known, but he won't know that.

Or, to quote myself:

He would wake, alive and whole, in his own bed. He wouldn’t even notice the hole where his heart had been. He would live, but he would lose.

Some version of those two words were always the options for the fic, because it's about choosing and losing (not or. and.) But the options listed in the chat were:

Choose. Lose.

Choose / Lose

Choose - Lose

and then lots of grumping about how, grammatically, Choose, Lose and Choose; Lose are both more accurate but I loathed them.

Bruce had gone white. Jason had gone green.

A clever commenter thought this was a reference to the Pit. It wasn't, just nausea (watching yourself walk to a horrible end) and maybe a small nod to Megan Whalen Turner. I like the thought, though.

Tim took a step forward. Then another. A hand encircled his wrist, held him fast. The trigger callus scraped against his skin.

Like I said. Bruce could never choose or not choose. He needed his sons to make the choice for themselves. There was never another universe where he stopped Tim or let him go. It had to be Tim's choice to go and lose his future just as it had to be Jason's choice to stop him and accept what he had.

And lastly, a commenter left essentially a dictation of the dialogue she had with her mother (who doesn't read fic or know anything about DC) telling her what happened in this fic, and it made my entire life.

#fanfic bts brain dump #fanfic #bruce wayne #jason todd #tim drake

[case-of-traxits]

Hi! Fellow Shinra fan! :)

I'd love a fic with Reeve and/or Rufus. Maybe them late night working on projects for Edge? (Together. Maybe begrudgingly, but also appreciative of the other's skill and competence.)

Hah, okay, so funny story. I spent literal years trying to make Rufus/Reeve a serious ship in this fandom.  So so many years.  I don't want to talk about how many years.  I blame The Conscience of the King for sticking in my head so thoroughly (you can find that here [http://www.midgar.net/king/] if you've never heard of or read it, but word of warning, it's so old that it's literally text files uploaded to a website; this thing was distributed via email rings back in the late 90s; needless to say, it does NOT take in any extended canon, only OG stuff).  Over the years, of course, I've taken most of them down in favor of my more general Turk-fic, but just. My first love, okay? It was always Rufus/Reeve. XD

Now, I realize you didn't expressly ask for Rufus/Reeve, but uh. Here's what you're getting: my trademarked ambiguous relationship style thing.  In my favorite time period, which is ambiguously before the start of the original game.  Mostly because WRO Reeve breaks my heart.

Prompted from this post. Still taking prompts! If you'd rather do a ship/character + number prompt or a symbol for a headcanon, I'm still doing those too.

In These Deep City Lights

Word count: 1274 words. Content Notes: Eh. Ambiguous relationship. Characters: Rufus Shinra and Reeve Tuesti. Summary: Reeve finds Rufus looking over one of the Midgar models.

Most people who wanted to look at a model of Midgar went to Memorial Hall on the 60th floor.  It was, after all, the most impressive of the models of Midgar, with the oversized Shinra Tower in the middle and the model reactors that flared on schedule for their secondary burn process.  But it wasn't Reeve's favorite of the models.  That honor went to the one on 34.  She was a smaller model, and her reactors didn't have the fancy show mechanics that the 60th floor did, but her pieces were moveable.  In the middle of the night, he usually had the model to himself.

That was precisely why seeing someone standing in the room surprised him.  They hadn't turned on the overhead lights, and instead, they appeared to be inspecting the model purely in the light from the city itself, pouring in through the floor-to-ceiling windows.

Reeve had done that himself more times than he cared to count, and he watched the figure through the frosted glass that separated the model from the rest of the office for a few minutes before he finally went to the door.

He opened it to find Rufus leaning over the model, fingers sliding across the tops of the buildings in Upper Eight.  Reeve noticed immediately that several of the buildings were missing, and he spotted them arranged on the table to the side of the model nearest the windows.  It took him a moment, but his eyes widened as he realized that they were laid out almost identically to the last proposal for Sector Six that he'd sent the President.

He cleared his throat, but Rufus didn't jump.  He didn't even look up.  He simply made a low sound and moved another building from Sector Eight to the mocked-up representation of Six.  He studied it for another moment, and then he finally looked over at Reeve.

"Vice President," Reeve said, and he took another step into the room, letting the door shut behind him.  Under the weight of those blue eyes, that felt like a mistake.

"Reeve," Rufus murmured, and he looked back at his collection of buildings.

"I wasn't aware that you came down here," Reeve finally said, breaking the silence.  He crossed the room and picked up one of the buildings, turning it over between his fingers.

He watched as Rufus studied the model, eyes intent and focused, as though he could simply will Midgar into existence— compliance— with his gaze alone.  He spoke after a few minutes, voice measured and even, "Only when I need to see one of your proposals."

Reeve set the building he'd picked up back down where it went in Sector Four.  He supposed it made sense that Rufus would review the proposal— he was the Vice President, and despite the President's attempts to keep the position as something in name only, Rufus had done his damnedest to carve out some degree of control— but he was surprised by how seriously Rufus was taking it.

Especially when they both knew that the President himself would never approve the expenditure to rebuild Six.  There had been one chance to build Six, and when it collapsed during construction, it had taken all possibility of Midgar ever being completed with it.

"Is there anything you had concerns about?" Reeve asked instead.

Rufus straightened up, and he brushed his hair back from his face with a careless motion as he met Reeve's gaze.  "You've spent a lot of time on this one," he said instead of answering Reeve's question.

Or maybe it was the answer to Reeve's question.  He wasn't sure.

He couldn't look away from Rufus though.

"Clearly," Reeve replied, his voice low as he nodded toward the mock-up, "so have you."

A small smile touched the corner of Rufus' mouth, and he stepped in closer to Reeve, far closer than he had to in order to pick up the factory model from Four that Reeve still had his fingers on. Reeve pulled his hand back, yielding the piece to him, and Rufus' smile widened, eyes gleaming in the relative darkness of the room.  "I admire that dedication."  He turned the factory over in his hand, and then he held it up between their faces.  "You've skewed the sector too heavily to production, however."

Reeve's lips parted, and he reached up to take the factory from Rufus.  "My proposal—"

"Is bait," Rufus finished for him, raising an eyebrow.  Then he waved a hand toward the mock-up just beside him, turning to look at it once more.  "You skewed it toward things that make money because you know exactly what would catch the President's attention."

"It didn't work," Reeve pointed out after a second.  "Your father won't authorize the construction."

"My father will not be the one to complete my city."  There was a steel in Rufus' voice that caught Reeve's attention, and he smiled faintly at that possessive tone.  He set the factory back down in Four where it went once more.

"Your city?" he asked, and Rufus' eyes cut over to him, impossibly blue given how little light was actually in the room.

Rufus tilted his head slightly.  "Do you think otherwise?"

"No, of course not, sir,"  Reeve said immediately, dropping his gaze to the mock-up of Six that Rufus was still facing.

Rufus studied him for a long, quiet moment.  "You're supposed to say 'yes.'"

Reeve looked up at him sharply, watching the way the smile on Rufus' face looked a little less practiced, a little more real.  He hesitated, replaying what he'd said, and his eyes closed briefly as a faint laugh escaped him.  "You're right," he said softly.  "My duty is to serve the President's vision."

"Indeed," Rufus murmured.  Then he motioned toward the layout for Sector Six.  "Redo the proposal.  Focus on housing this time."

Reeve hesitated.  "You know that will never—"

"The President's vision will change eventually."

Reeve’s breath caught in his throat briefly.  On the surface, that was an innocuous enough statement, but standing in that room, awash in the glow of Midgar herself, with the way Rufus was looking at him...

Rufus wasn't just the Vice President, after all.  One day—

Rufus' hand closed on Reeve's tie— red tie, Shinra red because that's what the President gifted him every year for Yule — and he adjusted it carefully.  When his fingers smoothed over the silk, the touch was soft, gentle.

Reeve wasn't sure how long they stood there, watching one another, Midgar the only silent witness to the moment between them.  Then Reeve nodded slowly.

"I'll redo the proposal," he said softly, and there was no mistaking the momentary triumph that lit Rufus' eyes.

"Good.  I'll review it personally once it's finished."  Rufus' hand dropped away from Reeve's tie then.  "For now, go home."  He didn't wait to see if Reeve did as instructed.  Instead, he turned to look out at the city in the darkness.

Reeve wasn't sure he'd ever been dismissed from one of his own floors in the Tower.  He glanced past Rufus, toward the model parts scattered across the table, but before he could ask the question, Rufus waved a hand.

"I'll clean up before I leave."

Reeve nodded.  "Very well," he said and he lingered for only a heartbeat more before he turned and left.  When the door shut behind him, Reeve glanced back, watching the way Rufus was silhouetted in the lights, figure blurry in the frosted glass that separated the model room from the rest of the office.

He wasn't sure he'd ever been dismissed from one of his own floors in the Tower, but he supposed if anyone could do it, it was Rufus Shinra.

One day, the man would rule the world.

#fanfiction #ff7 #final fantasy vii #Reeve Tuesti #Rufus Shinra #Midgar #prompt fic #FF7 Fanfiction

[shifuto]

when I had this idea, a lot more came out and I figured I should write so I don't forget 😆

did not intend to make their relationship even more convoluted but here we are, that's the gist of it:

Yuma is still in love with Astral and Ryoga (although it happened later for the latter) but fell for III after he came onto him Astral is still in love with Yuma but came to love Ryoga after some unforeseen events. He has no desire to pursue anything with Yuma anymore III is in love with Yuma and knows he loves him and the other 2 too. He took advantage of Astral's departure to make his advances on Yuma Ryoga is still in love with Yuma and came to love Astral as he processed his (their) heartbreak. He doesn't want Yuma anymore either Yuma is full of regrets (for letting Astral go and for not noticing Ryoga's feelings). III feels guilt for ''causing'' most these issues for them all. Astral was aware his decision to go away would affect his bond with Yuma but it was something he had to do to acquire his personhood. Ryoga is bothered by the fact that he can't control his feelings, because he did not wish for a hopeless love (he would never be able to "compete" against Astral or III, in order to capture Yuma's heart)

I really like the idea of them actually still being in love even though they do not end up together (and eventually have that shift into something more platonic or familial, instead of romantic)

I also like the idea that III felt like the cataclysm that caused all that tragedy - when it was actually Astral (if we go that route and "blame" someone), by deciding to stay in Astral World and away from Yuma and the others

it takes them all a while to actually feel happy in their respective relationships, due to the shadow of rejection, heartbreak, guilt and more

of course, I could take the polyamory route but it doesn't have a place in this post-series (future AU) headcanon of mine, so I don't go there

with that said..

perhaps, I'd consider Astral the major cataclysm here after all, and the one who changes the most from all 4 (really hard to navigate considering I want to stick to the canon as much as possible so there's always the fear he'll be too out-of-character and become unrecognizable.......but I guess I've been doing a good work at keeping him as himself in essence)

he and Yuma did not become "Zexal" completely in the end. Yuma was his full "human" self already, while Astral was still stuck with being a "weapon". I like to believe that his changes were more than psychological ones, and that he did end up capable of becoming his own person, much like Yuma

one could argue that Astral was always his own person, or a person at all, while I think he was treated mostly like a tool by Astral World and Yuma alike (albeit not explicitly, obvious). His constitution and alien-like appearance and mannerisms didn't really help, did they?

I flirted with the idea of Ryoga being the agent of that huge change, but ultimately decided that it would be something for Astral to experience on his own - think "rite of passage," for example

why it happened, how it happened I'm still figuring it out but what really matters is that, once acquiring his "personhood", Astral changes. It's nothing too separated from who he is but it's definitely very different (much like manga Astral feels like a completely different character while still being.... Astral)

so.. this changed Astral most probably outgrew Yuma, and that feels like a sufficient enough explanation as to why they do not end up together. With that crack in their bond, they grow apart as romantic love is not anymore possible, thus leaving space for III and Ryoga

...

will likely go back to this again and again while this headcanon takes form. I look forward to see where this will go!

also leaving these here so I can refer back to them (and also these to some degree)

#ygo #zexal #unawareshipping #aztecshipping #shif writes

[petrichorade]

What you guys have been waiting for...my Hitsuhina's Children Headcanon!

Finally I've decided to upload this after a while :'D this is my personal headcanon of how their child would look like.

Early Disclaimer:

It's going to be long

I have limited Japanese ability, but I do understand some lexical context. This is why I never engage myself to do fan-translation works despite have knowledge about it as I prevent sharing misinformation. I learned about translation etiquette during my days as literature student in university, so I did my best to not being biased while creating this, despite people's translation style could be different from one to another. Nevertheless, I accept any critics from those who's much more fluent than me and have more knowledge regarding naming rules and cultures in Japan. I will take it as reflection to deepening my knowledge more with Japanese language, culture, history, and societies since all of this are tied together and can not be separated! Along with taking down this post if any of the content turn out to contain any misleading information.

I haven't made any art for them, but I hope the explanation below could help anyone visualize how they would look like in my headcanon!

Now let's get down to the business!!

1. Hitsugaya Hayato (日番谷 隼)

隼 (はやと) = peregrine falcon

This one was pretty tricky since name 'Hayato' in most case were written like this -> 隼人 by adding 'human' kanji at the end. But since I saw a real public figure named Hayato who have their name being published with single kanji like above, I can say that Hitsugaya Hayato will have the same case!

Birthday: March 17th

Zanpakuto: 青山郎 (せい・ざん・ろう || Seizanrou = Blue Specter )

I imagine he will inherit Momo's hair and Toshiro's eye color. His overall features will look like Toshiro uwu. I honestly conflicted to made him having Toshiro's hair with Momo's feature instead of the one I come up with, since on Kazui and Ichika's case, they have their father's hair and their mother's feature. But then I remember Ichigo have Isshin's face and his orange hair were probably inherit from Masaki's side, so I'll make Hayato having that situation too.

He'll wield an elemental zanpakuto with a fire-type spirit. His zanpakuto's name will be 青山郎 (Seizanrou = Blue Specter). This zanpakuto naming idea were inspired by Hyourinmaru itself. Hyourin (氷輪) if translated literally means 'ice ring' but it could also mean ' the moon (that shine as cold as ice)' hence why there's a crescent shaped pendant at the end of Hyourinmaru's chain.

And 青山 ( せい・ざん -> Seizan) if translated literally means 'lush/green mountain', but it could also mean 'grave' or 'burial place'. Adding 郎 ('rou', same as the last kanji in Toshiro's name, means 'boy') at the end of it, I made the equivalent translation being 'Blue Specter' (boy from burial place → 'someone' from the graveyard → a ghost).

//I wonder if it make sense, and if it's appropriate to name zanpakuto this way//

The command will be 蘇れ! ( よみがえ・れ = Yomigaere = (lit.)"Resurrect!" || But my personal translation to make the context a lot sensible in battlefield -> "Rise from the Death!" ), and the shikai technique will looks like blue fire orbs appearing on top of his blade. As Hayato calls its name, the blue flame will rise and change form into what Hayato desire to attack the enemies, as if it was a ghost that raises from its death body beneath the ground.

I'd like to think it's manifestations being a cemetery caretaker/keeper with lantern on his hand. Seizanrou's manifestation and overall concept was also partly inspired by 'Lantern Specter', the ghost in Taiwanese horror game 'Detention'.

I'd like to think it'll be great to have Hayato having a horrifying dream when Seizanrou on its own way to communicate with its master, the way Hyourinmaru did to Toshiro. Hayato will have a great equal portion of training from Toshiro as they experience the same case, but also with Momo as fellow fire-type zanpakuto wielder.

2. Hitsugaya Kanjirou (日番谷 柑蒔朗)

柑 (かん = citrus, orange) 蒔 (じ / ま・く = to sow)朗 (ろう = bright, cheerful) → "Orange Tree"

Birthday: October 3rd

Zanpakuto: 霜咲 (しも・ざき || Shimozaki = Blooming Frost)

This time she inherit Toshiro's hair and Momo's eyes, with overall feature dominant to Momo. She might gonna be daddy's little girl, because I like the idea of Toshiro having daughter, and that he has a soft spot for them :'))))

I was almost thought this name feel a bit too boyish for her, since so far I know, the commonly used ろう kanji was in this form for naming -> 郎. I did further research and find out this 朗 (ろう) kanji could also be used in naming, and have a great meaning. Adding the fact that I just found out 'Kanjirou' was actually A FLOWER NAME.

It's a sub-type of Camellia sasanqua, one of many types of camellia with deep magenta colors that natives to both China and Japan. This flower also blooms during fall to winter, which I think is perfect with my birth date set-up for her. I like the idea of either Momo or Toshiro get the inspiration to name her 'Kanjirou' the moment they saw this flower blooms near Momo's due date, while their home at the time starting to be filled with the sweet-citrusy smell of clementines.

Adding the fact that Momo's name not only refers to the 'peach' fruit itself, but could also be the 'peach blossom', we now have Father-Son duo with animal inspired name and Mother-Daughter duo with flower + fruit inspired name in our Hitsuhina little family! ^q^

For her zanpakuto spirit, she's a wielder of ice-type elemental zanpakuto. And her zanpakuto name will be 'Shimozaki' (霜咲 = Blooming Frost).

霜 (しも || Shimo = Frost)

咲 (さく・-ざき || sa-ku・-zaki = to blossom)

I haven't though so far about her shikai, but I like to imagine the technique will involves around scattering ice particle in form of haze and freeze the enemy in a form of blossoms.

Also I haven't thought about the spirit manifestation form TwT maybe later //forgive meee//

Again, she's also receive equal portion of training from both parents. As she's a fellow ice-type zanpakuto wielder, she practice swordmanship with Toshiro, and taught Kido by Momo (she's good at it!)

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

Andddddddd as you all can see, I'm trying my best to have their child looks like their 'literal' child with names and everything. It took me a while to find children's name that would match them, but I'm lucky to encounter 'Hayato' and 'Kanjirou' since I think it'll be a great idea for Hitsuhina's children to have names that rhymes with their parents' names (Toushirou and Momo). One of many things that motivates me to create this characters because I want to have their appearance on my fic :') so starting now, if ever I come up with Hitsuhina domestic stories/art in the future, it's easier for me to just pick them back from this reference and add them to the story/art uwu

The concept art will follows sooner~! Please have this for a while!

I guess this is it from me >< and I hope anyone like this silly little brainrot of mine hehe

#bleach #bleach oc #hitsuhina #rainfestive oc : hayato hitsugaya #rainfestive oc : kanjirou hitsugaya #is it okay for me to give them personalized tags already? #whatever i'm cringe but i'm free

[itmeblog]

I saw your post earlier and I'm really curious: what are some of your tips/advice for sounding like different people?

Allllrright,

The first and most helpful thing I've figured out is that people are more likely to ding you on overacting than having a character with a "weird voice" (cartoonish, usually goes alright so long as your characters sound grounded. This is a Chell appreciation post) Have fun with it!

The second thing I've figured out is that, there's no such thing as cheating (if 2 voices are too close and oops, they're in a room together, lean into the differences and when all else fails, pitch them up or down by 1.5-3%, it's not perfect but the MOST IMPORTANT PART is that people can ALWAYS tell one character from the other)

Cadence, pitch, vocal ticks and voice quality (breathy, croaky, hoarse, nasal etc.), are the main qualities that you can control. I tend to pick 2 or more that will make a voice profile for a character

Hatov - musical cadence, low pitch, hoarse, (eh, ehm, repeats words)

Chell - slower cadence with a lot of lift at the end of words and a habit of drawing words out, Mid-upper range, croaky (like)

Nova - quick cadence, mid-range, resonant (curses)

Kora - quick-cadence/musical, high-range, resonant (squeals, squeaks)

If I put them all in a room together each character has at least 2 differences between each of them which allows people to separate one from the other.

Depending on the amount of control you have with the production (I have complete control over InCo) you can do so, so much with the writing and deciding exactly how a character emotes.

For example, when Hatov is angry/annoyed, his voice pitches down and gets a "growling" quality, he speaks louder and usually faster. When his mother gets angry, her pitch goes up, her words become crisper, and I really lean into the melodic way that she speaks (unless she's trying to manipulate him in which case her pitch drops and her cadence slows). This way, if I have a scene where they're both angry, the characters don't bleed together because my checklist for each of them is different.

The biggest things to focus on: anger, laughter, sadness (this is where I find it's the easiest to accidentally default to how *I* process emotion instead of how the character would)

Writing is also very helpful as each character I make has a difference syntax. I try to make it so that you can read a line and know which character is more likely to say what.

Ex.

HATOV: What I'm trying to understand is precisely where this went wrong.

NOVA: I think you can fucking figure it out

KORA: Well, first I came in and I saw Nova and said "Hi"! but she was busy so I thought I'd wait, but then I remembered that Temius made me promise to bring him in the next time I was around and then

TEMIUS: (snickers)

KORA: It's not funny! This is your fault!

TEMIUS: I wasn't the one who decided to-

KORA: Right! I pushed the lever and that's when everything went wrong.

In this way...their personalities are also baked into their lines themselves. Frankly, it's jarring voicing a Kora line as anyone but Kora. They just lack the energy for it.

Lastly (idk if this helps it's just kinda...happened? for each character): they all have different body language. Kora has a lot of bouncing and hand flaps, she's energetic so her body contains and burns through a lot of energy. Cadus has a lot of hand wringing. Chell has a lot of hand wringing, clapping to punctuate, and flighty eye contact (unless she's feeling confident...honestly 90% of the time she's just dying inside). Vierai has very straight and prim posture while Hatov's back used to curve inward and has been getting progressively straighter as he's gained confidence. SAWA straight up has the hands up for like...the bimbo walk? If I do not get my hands there I cannot get the pitching right. (This might just help me lock each character in)

#this is long #will probably edit later #ALSO LISTENERS ARE EXTREMELY FORGIVING #And character voices will change and settle the more often you do them.

[sparring-spirals]

What are your thoughts about Laudna coming back, I’m curious because this seems different from the Molly situation, the group seems incredibly determined

Oh boy, what a question.

Okay to set up for the first bit, I'm gonna address the second part of the q first:

Yeah, I think this is different. I think this is very different. I think its different in all the ways that the Bells and the M9 are so drastically different and the ways that they are two very distinct camapigns. But also in the more obvious ways- when the M9 lost Molly, they were lower leveled. They didn't have a cleric with revivify, they didn't have half their party. They didn't have anyone to turn to.

I'm trying to avoid this turning into a meta about the M9 but I think that last detail is just- so important. The Bell's have Eshteross, they have random shop owners to ask, they have distant but powerful figures who might help. The M9- did not. It was part of how they operated. More than once in early campaign they went from being mistrusted to marginally trusted and they would just- leave. Authorities were so rarely friendly. They were accusing people more than they weren't.

When Molly went down, on a snowy hill at the sword of someone who wanted to send a message- there was so, so little they could do.

And so we look at the Bells and- they've got more options. They had half their party killed but they got two of them back up and, in theory, left the battle on their own terms.

They're also, like you said. Incredibly determined.

readmore bc this got long im so sorry

Its both incredible and a little sad, honestly. I said this somewhere already, but by the end of the episode- they aren't quite grieving yet. They're hurt, they're aching from the loss, they're sad, but they haven't started grieving yet and part of that is because they are still acting. There are still things to do, avenues to exhaust. They aren't grieving Laudna yet. They can still get her back. They will, they have to. They're taking the time to sit and check in with each other and ask questions and comfort, where they can, but. Very little of that comfort has even entertained the notion of this loss being permanent. About Laudna being gone, not just lost.

(Except maybe for Orym, who is looking at Imogen and thinking of losing a loved one, having that absence be a fixture instead of an aberration. Thinking of a warm embrace, and "Not yet.")

And Imogen-

Imogen, more than the others, is probably painfully aware of Laudna's absence. A silence in her mind, an empty space at her side.

i'm not sure she can even consider the possibility of that absence becoming permanent, right now.

Im not sure any of them really can.

So... uh. on Laudna coming back: I don't know, right now. I don't think it will be too easy, but I think the Bells are going to be fighting for it, hard, for the foreseeable future. And whether it fails or succeeds in the longer term, i think (I'd hope?) itll have pretty long lasting effects.

I've deleted like an additional five paragraphs of my ~thoughts~ on it for the purposes of length and keeping it as 1 meta instead of two tacked together but:

- Some of my thoughts on Laudna's death can be found here.

- Story wise, narratively, campaign-as-a-whole/ externally, is a whole separate conversation, and one that plays a lot into personal preferences and wants and likes and... probably shouldn't go into this post.

- I think there's a lot of the ways this can go and still be done "well", by a subjective metric.

- I'd like for Laudna to come back. I also can see a world where she doesn't, and narratively thats juicy as hell, and also devastating. (edit: like full honesty, devastating and also chock full of potential, yknow?)

- No matter the specifics- Laudna mattered, and will continue to matter, and I think that's the main thoroughline I'm looking for.

- edit: and- alongside that- id want her death to matter too- whatever that might look like.

#oh god im so sorry. listen im going through asks VERY slowly rn and its because my meta braincell is actively fighting me #you can tell when its happening bc all my metas become 3x length and way more winding. so uh. sorry. #critical role #cr spoilers #c3e34 #spar speaks #ask away! #bell's hells #the mighty nein #ive got like So Many competing thoughts about narrative and fairness and m9 and the bells and their brittle optimism and imogen and LAUDNA- #that none of them are coming out right. alas. #character meta #i realize this. maybe doesnt answer your question. so uh. feel free to ask it again if so. and ill get to it.... someday. hopefully. #my meta #?

[zombeebunnie]

Game development Trembling Essence update:

Hello and welcome those that are new! I am here with another update post! I don't have any new CG's to show right now since some are spoilers and I did a lot more writing this time. :]

I'm still going through the alternate situations and making sure they line up correctly with the rest of the route. I came across a few more dialog situations that needed some fixing and I added a few more choices in some of them that I felt were needed! Here's a tiny sneak peak. >:]

Speaking of routes, there was a situation in the game where one specific choice into another during the first half of day 3 would make the player branch off into two different routes.

In one of my old game development posts I said I might condense one or two together but that's only if certain routes have a lot of similarities or if a specific branch itself isn't really necessary to have.

As time went on for this specific route situation I came to realize I didn't like the idea of it anymore. This is because both branches had some similarities and in this case, the decision itself shouldn't result in another extra route anyway since it's benign, I'd rather the player get a different scene/interaction instead. I asked both of my play testers to go through both routes separately and pick which one they liked more. They both ended up picking the same one and explained what they liked about it compared to the other. This really makes things easier for me going forward and the route itself is going to be a bit longer now but not by much.

This isn't to say the other route will be removed I just need to see what I can do with it since there were bits in there that are unique for it.

There was also an ending you could get in the route depending on how close you are with Noah. I decided to move it later into the game since it shows something too early for Day 3.

Lastly, I also finally figured out how to activate spellcheck! It's not 100% perfect but it does help a bunch when I'm looking through everything so I don't have to overly check all the time! Yay! :]

Here's some bug fixes I did along the way!

Noah's sprite still on screen during a transition

Grammar mistakes

Adjusted volume levels for rain SFX in different areas

Alternate interaction activated during the wrong dialog choice

That's all I have to report right now!

Thank you guys for your patience and support, I really appreciate it! :,]

#TE updates #male yandere #visual novel #game development #itch.io #dating sim #illustration #yandere #horror game #indiegamedev #digital art #renpy #interactive fiction #indiedev #psychological horror #murder sim #trembling essence #renpy visual novel #romance #indie developer #indie games #art #survival horror #horror games

[therevengeoffrankenstein]

for pride month, i figured i'd do a non-exhaustive list of people/looks that have given me gender envy and inspired my sense of style as a transmasculine fellow.

this post is about to be long and also likely 'cringe' (which is dead, so i do not let it dictate my decisions, but just in case a non-mutual reads this and wants to send me hate-mail for my 'bad' taste: I KNOW.) since it includes several people i worshiped as a tweenager. if you don't wanna see me talking about five billion emo men, then you probably don't wanna read this :^)

mulan (1998) was one of my first experiences with gender-nonconformity and experimentation. her dissatisfaction with living as a woman and her shame with feeling that way deeply resonated with me, and her transition into ping lit up light bulbs in my tiny mind, as well as the scene in which she is outed against her will due to an injury.

-

from a very young age, i've always kinda wanted to embody the swagger of freddie mercury. i would say that as a 6 or 7-ish year old i experienced my first bout of true gender envy over him. i wished i could look and sound like a man because of him. i ended up shoving down these feelings for many years due to internalized shit and outside influences. yet he still remains forever in my heart as a major influence both as an artist, an outfit composer, and a person.

-

eddie van halen is cool as shit. idk man. i dig his style. these patch work pants did irreparable damage to my psyche.

-

ryan ross was a big idol of mine as a tween and still continues to inspire me to this day. i wished i could do my makeup like him and have his fop-y floppy 60s mop cut, which was probably the beginning of my obsession with having hair that looks Like That.

*bren.don. ur.ie gets a dishonorable mention here bc i don't wanna talk about him but when i was 13 i also wanted his p.o. era mop sooo bad like soo bad i was planning on getting my hair cut like that for real but instead life happened and i haven't had my hair cut since like 2019 and now i've committed to it being a mile long.

-

pete wentz is at the forefront of writers that i would say have influenced my works. his influence is just about inseparable from anything i've done since 2018 at least. he just, like, gets me, you know? including, of course, his fashion sense, which lingers still through my daily wardrobe.

on the right, i added a pic of him recently that made me lose my mind.

-

i'm grouping william beckett and gabe saporta together because both are scene fellows who had lesser but still notable affects on me. the former's hair and the latter's sense of style have stayed with me all these years for a reason, and that reason is because i wish i could look like them.

-

renfield is just like me for real so of course i wish i could steal dwight frye's gender. the suspenders plus the vacant, hazy look in his eyes did things to me.

-

the man, the myth, the legend, my most special of interests, mr sir peter wilton cushing obe. if i love him, and i feel unloved, then i must act like him and sound like him and look like him to feel truly loved, right? because i want someone to love me to the extent i love him? because i hate myself so much? it's psychosexual to me in a way but also 100% from my heart. i need to look like him ^

he cracked my egg. which i will be getting more into in the next entry. but! basically i realized that maybe it isn't normal to want to look exactly like a man, deeper voice and flatter chest and all. and then i was like what is stopping me from being trans actually besides other people's disapproval, which i had at that point stopped letting get in my way. so trans ellie canon and real from this point forward.

-

sherlock holmes is an entirely separate entry on this list than peter cushing because sherlock is a fictional character that has been portrayed in many different mediums and by many different actors, many of whom i at least kinda want to look like.

but most of all, i want to be like him, the idea of sherlock holmes. a protector who saves the meek and weak and who persecutes the oppressors. he is good, he is just, and he is loved by nearly all. also he is a major fucking nutjob, like me. he inspires me so much. this yearning helped me realize who i wanted to be, who i am. it makes my heart glow with hope and pride knowing that someone who so obviously has so much 'wrong' (wrong like me) with them can not just be a hero, but also one of the most definitive heroes in history.

-

adam ant's gnc swag.... idk man he ignited my historical obsession with highwaymen.

-

final thoughts:

i am so happy to be a trans fag ! my life is so much better since i realized that i am a boy ! 🥰🥰🥰 i am trying to experiment more with my appearance and i am loving it.

#a) i am what they call a 'music lover' and i have wanted to be a rock star since i was a little boy and i stg i'm gonna be one before i die. #b) the way this list is counting down to the the inevitable explosion of the ticking time bomb that is peter c's entry. #c) every time i see my profile pic out of context of being my profile pic i giggle all heehee hoohoo that's me :^) #d) i don't think i'm going to commentate anymore as to not make an ass of myself. #myevilposts #fundamental me lore tag #oh this is in like semi-chronological order btw. not worst to best.

[pine-niidles]

Looking Back on 2023

Heyyy folks! Long time no news from me huh. 

I'm struggling to think of what to even say about my silence. I've not been doing so bad I'd call myself depressed, but I'm doing a tad worse than just a slump. It's been a rough 6 months, not because of one big thing. Instead, a bunch of medium-sized reasons all piled up on top of each other to leave me extremely drained. I've mostly been working on the two commissions I still had in my queue (thank you to my commissioners for being so patient with me, I'm so sorry to make you wait so long <3). I've done a little personal art other than that but didn't have the leftover focus to keep up with sharing it on social media or writing up any updates about my situation. I've pretty much only been active sharing things in my art discord. I'd like to say I've been doing better in the last month or so, but I hesitate to make any promises at this point! We'll just have to see how things go :)

Artfight

So you were promised a more in depth artfight review but I think I missed the right timeframe for that... instead have this look at 3 years of unfinished artfight thumbnails from my new year's wip clean-out!

Year of Art Summary

All things considered I made a lot of art this year, and I'm really happy with how most of it turned out ☺ I did a bunch of experimenting with more playful techniques and color schemes and I think they suit my style a lot. I want to try and much those limits even more next year to see what kind of fun art I can create! Something with colors specifically really clicked in my brain after that witch drawing I did in April, before then I would spend a long time figuring out the perfect color scheme and doing a bunch of adjustments but ever since that drawing things have really been coming together super quick? I'm not sure what changed but no complaints from me. 

Life Drawing Summary 

I rarely post my life drawing but I've been keeping at it! Actually, I put together a few pdfs showcasing all my life drawing going back to 2022, you can download them for free in my itch or ko-fi shops! :>

I also put together a yearly art improvement comparison going back to 2015 that I was planning to put here. However, seeing how long this is already getting... I'll make a separate post for it.

Commissions

I've been gearing up to open commissions again after that unintended hiatus. I don't want to open slots until I'm sure I'm back to being able to finish them in a reasonable timeframe, so I've been using that leftover energy I do have to think about revamping some things and new styles to offer. Back in November I ran a survey on what people want to see from me (it's still open if you'd like to fill it out and help me get more stats!) 

here's a preview of what's to come based on that & my whims:

- stamp commissions were super well received so they'll be added to my main repertoire

- A combo of me reading too much dun meshi and wanting to offer some kind of comicky commissions led to this idea of comic pages of characters eating together, I have a couple examples in progress, when they're done I'll add this style to my main offerings!

- I'm still not 100% set on sketchpages but I like the idea of them so if this test goes well I'll add them as an option

Onward to 2024! 

I already completed my new year's resolution on day 1 of 2024, it was to pet a cat. I've made a second one which is to get a library card whenever my visa is approved and I move back home. It's been something I've been wanting to do for a while but never got around to, hoping this will be the excuse I need to do it.

Art-wise it's not a new goal, but I've been trying to focus on improving my rendering! Though I've also been playing around a lot with screentone... the two don't have to be at odds 🤔 

I'm dedicating this year's personal art time to making new references for as many ocs as possible with nude bases so I can easily design new outfits for them whenever I want to without fully making a new ref from scratch.

Otherwise I'm just trying to take it slow, work on things one at a time and see what happens from there.

#year in review #2023 #project updates

[shamera]

okay so since there's half a month left till nanowrimo (and it's 3 in the morning), I figured I'd give warning that I will be attempting to. keep myself on track in November.

by sharing what I write everyday. yeah. this again. it'll be super rough, and I still gotta finish plotting out my story and I'm running out of time to do that, but. keeping me on my toes, even if I'm weeping through the month. I'll probably tag it "mlc nano '23" or something like that if people want to block the tag.

I swear I will go back to plotting once I finish this time loop oneshot.

Oh, hey, have a snippet! (Just to prove I'm writing. Also the posts in November will likely look like this.)

“A little help!” Fang Duobing called out, because despite them being excellent fighters, attempting to defend themselves while holding back to not kill everyone meant a great deal of concentration. Add to the fact that the multitudes of people were attacking haphazardly and could easily kill each other by accident as well, and he was deflecting to ensure they wouldn’t do that— 

“I’m fine,” Li Lianhua said somewhere close to Di Feisheng’s ear, and then turned away to dodge a hoe that had been aimed at his neck. “Help Xiaobao!”

Barring a flare up, Li Lianhua would be able to take care of himself better than Fang Duobing, and thus Di Feisheng followed the instruction and used the flat of his dao to non-lethally hack his way over to the man, all the time keeping an eye on Li Lianhua’s path of retreat. 

“Wait, what are you doing here?” Fang Duobing shouted incredulously when Di Feisheng bumped into his back, taking care of the enemies he wouldn’t be able to see. “What about Li Lianhua? We need to look after him!”

“He’ll be fine.” Di Feisheng gritted out, irritated at being passed around like that. If his next strike was heavy enough to break the arm of the villager wielding an axe, he only ignored the pained scream to whirl and strike again at the next person. “You said you needed help!”

“Not if you’re going to leave Li Lianhua alone!”

Honestly, at this point Di Feisheng was tempted to smack Fang Duobing over the head as well if only it wouldn’t make their situation worse. “And how did you expect me to protect him and get to you at the same time, then? Do I look like I can be in two places at once?”

“I was expecting,” Fang Duobing emphasised as he ducked the swing of one man wielding a hefty wooden beam at them, only to stop in mid-momentum and grab onto the man to ensure the hit wouldn’t actually accidentally bludgeon another young man who was coming at them with a kitchen knife, kicking him in the chest instead so that the knife wouldn’t kill the main with the beam. “That the two of you might make your way here! Together!”

“Why didn’t you make your way to us?”

“I have more people attacking me!”

That was as blatant a lie as Li Lianhua would tell, and Di Feisheng spitefully started counting the amount of people just so he could give an exact number later to contradict him. 

“Look out!” Li Lianhua’s voice barely carried over the horde of yelling villagers, and Di Feisheng’s attention was drawn back to him in a flash, only to realise that the other man was staring at him and Fang Duobing instead, separated from them by a veritable sea of people, eyes wide. 

Look out for what? There was nothing out of the ordinary around them, and—

There was a strange scent in the air, and then he could see white dust falling around them, and within moments he was falling, limbs unresponsive, and then his eyes closed of their own volition before he hit the floor. 

—

Di Feisheng woke to the early morning sunshine in the bed of Lotus Tower with an elbow digging into his side, and he moved to shove Fang Duobing off the bed spitefully. 

— 

After Fang Duobing yelled at him so long Di Feisheng found himself grudgingly impressed by his lung capacity (only for Li Lianhua to shout at both of them for waking him up downstairs after Hulijing joined Fang Duobing’s enthusiasm by howling loudly), Di Feisheng found himself with an idea. 

#imagine first drafts #now imagine them EVEN WORSE #NaNoWriMo #this is a callout post for myself #or is it #is my brain even working properly at 3am i should be asleep #but I made myself giggle while writing #wait that just means it's the sleep deprived giggles

[mayasaura]

Okay, pre-Nona posting time. I don't have a coherent theory this time, but here are my impressions:

I'm expecting this book to mostly be setup for the next one, since it was originally just act one. Exposition, worldbuilding, and pieces moving into whatever place they'll need to be to scape some kind of resolution out of this mess. I'm not expecting to see many familiar face from Canaan House, apart from the obvious, because ofnthe timescale we're working with. Silas and Colum are coming back, but I'm not at all sure it'll be in this book.

The letter from Doctor Sex's study has got to be relevant. The "My darling girl, tomorrow you will be a lyctor-" one. This will probably connect with Cassiopeia, and why BOE has intimate but antiquated knowledge of the Sixth House. Hopefully we will also find out if the Sixth House even still exists after the finale of Harrow the Ninth, but maybe that will be left as a point of hanging tension because afaik Palamedes and Camilla don't even know it was threatened.

John is a wild card, and I can't wait to see what he'll do. He reached the breaking point of a ten thousand year long holding pattern at the end of Harrow the Ninth, and we're about to find out what God does instead of buying a firari and experimenting with cocaine because he's been dumped. His invasion? The second Resurrection? What does he have left to lose, and does he care if he loses it?

The Mithraem is gone and John is a creature of habit, so odds are good that he fetched up on the Erebos at some point in the six-month timeskip. Which means we may find out where we stand with Admiral Sarpedon. John ditched them right after one of the worst catastrophes in Cohort history to work from home, and I have a feeling that is going to have ramifications. Sarepedon's whole deal in the Iliad is responsible leadership through showing up and being there to lead.

I'm excited to see if Ianthe and Coronabeth's dual schemes will come into play yet. The Tridentarii have had a long-term plan they've been working on since before Gideon the Ninth. We've only had hints of the full shape of it so far, but it has to do with figuring out how the Resurrection was accomplished and rethinking the economic structure of the Nine Houses. So we're talking large scale, possibly empire crushing and/or apotheosis kind of big. Whatever they're planning got derailed by the events of Gideon the Ninth, but Ianthe has been working hard to get back on track. So has Corona, but I'm not sure if Corona is working toward the same goal as Ianthe anymore. Or perhaps they've course-corrected together; Mercy was able to put Camilla in touch with Harrow, so why not Coronabeth with Ianthe.

I'm almost certain that Blood of Eden intends to return to the Ninth. Wake still has an anchor there, and even if she didn't have unfinished business with the Tomb, her people won't want to leave her bones enslaved. Depending on how aware Wake was of her surroundings as a revenant, she may even know that the Tomb is open for the taking. If she asks, and maybe even if she doesn't, I think Pyrrha would go with them. Pyrrha once watched Wake die in the atmosphere above the Ninth, she liked Alecto, and she knows something about having been buried for a myriad.

Speaking of which I really really hope to hear a bit more about Anastasia. She's so interesting! She's been playing chess from beyond the grave, and I'd love to find out what her objective was.

And to close out, obligatory 'who is Nona' theory. Sort of. If I'm right, she's an ancient divine monster with the body and mind of a desperately sad schizophenic teenager. She loves completely and without conditions in a word seperated by factions, and I hope she doesn't have her heart broken. She's made up of mismatched pieces, and if those parts of her are separated she might not be Nona anymore. A transient existance. Cinnamon roll. Too good for this world, too pure. Alexa, play Simple and Clean by Utada Hikaru.

#the locked tomb #nona the ninth #and now..... I'm ready #pull the lever kronk #long post