#finished it last week and I am STILL thinking about how heartbreaking the whole thing was

[phantom-curve]

queen charlotte is actually one of the saddest shows I’ve ever watched holy shit

#literally sobbed over every episode #when her kids called her out on being a bad mom I felt that in my soul #finished it last week and I am STILL thinking about how heartbreaking the whole thing was #you think it’s a love story only to realize too late it is actually a tragedy #talk about being haunted by a narrative #(except I’m the one being haunted) #honestly wish bridgerton was more that flavor I would take this mini series over the main one every time #mads speaks #queen charlotte

[likeadevils]

Speak Now Timeline

This is a very long post that puts all the songs on Speak Now in order of Taylor creating them. I’ve also added a few other songs she wrote while writing Speak Now and quotes from Taylor and her collaborators talking about her process.

If you don't want to read all that, check out this playlist of the album in order or this playlist of her entire discography.

Due to a surprising amount of digital decay and her life not being highly documented yet, exact dates are bit harder to come by then they are with following albums, but you can still find a few! I’ve added this color coded scale of how sure I am of the date: 

Confirmed: There is some type of official source for the date

Inferring: Nobody has officially said “This is when we wrote it,” but everything points to that date

Speculation: This date is based off pure vibes and guesswork and is highly likely to change.

Unknown: All that is known is the year (from the US Copyright Offices)

More notes: I will probably be editing it as information about vault songs and new details about old songs get come out, so it probably won’t be finished until July, so check back in with this post and/or follow me if you want updates. Most tweet dates come from crawling through the wayback machine, but if you want further sourcing, feel free me an ask/dm.

Without further ado...

Sparks Fly: Late 2006 (Inferring)

Taylor opened up for Jake Owen on October 31, 2006 In Portland, Oregon (the secret message for the song), and wrote Sparks Fly about the experience shortly after. I’ve seen a few second hand sources say she wrote it on the airplane ride back to Nashville later that same night, but I can’t find Taylor herself saying that, so it might just be an old fandom legend, or the source has been lost to digital decay, or I just haven’t looked hard enough. She first performs the song in May 29, 2007.

Haunted: 2009 (Unknown)

Taylor: "Haunted" is about the moment that you realize the person you're in love with is drifting and fading fast. And you don't know what to do, but in that period of time, in that phase of love, where it's fading out, time moves so slowly. Everything hinges on what that last text message said, and you're realizing that he's kind of falling out of love. That's a really heartbreaking and tragic thing to go through, because the whole time you're trying to tell yourself it's not happening. I went through this, and I ended up waking up in the middle of the night and writing this song about it.

February 17, 2009: Tweets "It's 3:58 am in London.. And I accidentally fell asleep at 6:30 pm, so now I'm wide awake and have no idea what to do. Write a song?"

It’s possible that this was what Taylor was referring to when she said she “ended up waking up in the middle of the night and writing [Haunted]”, but it’s also very possible that Taylor didn’t write a song on February 17, and waking up in the middle of the night and writing a song is not a rare occurrence in Taylor’s life, so one tweet doesn’t really prove anything.

March 13, 2009: Tweets "A day off in Sydney. Drove two hours out of the city and spent the day on the beach. Wrote a chorus you'll hear on the next record. :)"

Pure speculation, but I think she was working on Mr. Perfectly Fine. It was created in 2009, and in my opinion, of the possible songs it has the most notable chorus.

March 19, 2009: Posts on Myspace “I’m wiped out. I’ve been in the studio all day ( I know, I know.. We JUST put out a new album. I think I have a problem, I cannot stop writing songs.) It’s so much fun knowing that you can take your time, because you have like a year and a half to make something you’re really proud of. I love recording a few songs, waiting a few months, recording a few more.. Instead of devoting a few weeks to “record the album” and then it’s just done. I like dragging it out, that way you can be meticulous about every detail. Daydream about different ways to put the songs together, and then take them apart. I’m pretty obsessed with the whole process. So needless to say, it was good to be back in the studio with my redheaded producer who I missed terribly.”

If This Was A Movie: April 2009 (Inferring)

Taylor has literally never talked about this song, but April would be six months after and Joe Jonas broke up in late September/early October 2008.

April 24, 2009: Taylor plays in Jonesboro, Arkansas, and possibly writes a song: "I'd get my best ideas at 3:00 AM in Arkansas, and didn't have a co-writer around and I'd just finish it. And that would happen again in New York [likely Enchanted], that would happen again in Boston [likely Long Live], that would happen again in Nashville." (x)

May 23, 2009: Taylor records Half Of My Heart with John Mayer

On March 1, 2009: John Mayer tweeted: “Waking up to this song idea that won’t leave my head. 3 days straight now. That means it’s good enough to finish. It’s called Half of My Heart and I want to sing it with Taylor Swift. She would make a killer Stevie Nicks in contrast to my Tom Petty of a song.” On May 23, John Mayer tweeted "I couldn't get Taylor Swift on my record so I found the world's greatest impersonator, Laura Jacksheimer" with a picture of Taylor.

Superman: Spring 2009 (Speculation)

This could have been written any time in 2009, but due to it's general sound and the following quote, I’d guess it was written sometime in spring, when her and John Mayer first started working together. Taylor: “This was a guy that I was sort of enamored with, as usual. This song got its title by something that I just kinda said randomly in conversation. He walked out of the room, I looked over at one of my friends and said, ‘Man, It’s just like watching Superman fly away.’”

May 29, 2009: Posts on Myspace “Tomorrow, after the performance on the Today show, I’ll fly back to Nashville and record a lot of new songs I’ve written in the last few weeks. I’m really excited about that.” (She also posts "Tonight I went shopping at Top Shop in New York with the band. I got purple shoes. I’m really excited about the purple shoes, and I just needed to tell someone. I got purple shoes. Ok. That’s done." Which. If I had a nickel for everytime Taylor teased her new album by posting about shoe colors I'd have two nickels, which isnt a lot but it's weird that it happened twice.)

June 4, 2009: Posts on Facebook "In the studio. I don't know whose computer I'm using. Pssh.. Such a rebel right now.."

June 9, 2009: Tweets (about recording Thug Story) "If I said I was in the studio with T-Pain, would you believe me?"

Better Than Revenge and Let’s Go (Battle): June 2009 (Inferring)

These were probably written sometime between June 12, when the Jonas Brothers released “Much Better”, and July 1, when Taylor posted on Myspace: “What else is new.. Recording a bunch of new songs. Lots of new things to write about…..”

Last Kiss: 2009 (Unknown)

Taylor: "The song "Last Kiss" is sort of like a letter to somebody. You say all of these desperate, hopeless feelings that you have after a breakup. Going through a breakup you feel all of these different things. You feel anger, and you feel confusion, and frustration. Then there is the absolute sadness. The sadness of losing this person, losing all the memories, and the hopes you had for the future. There are times when you have this moment of truth where you just admit to yourself that you miss all these things. When I was in one of those moments I wrote this song."

July 22, 2009: Tweets "Hanging with my producer Nathan, discussing the next adventure" and then in a separate tweet "...album #3."

Never Grow Up: Fall 2009 (Speculation)

Lover Diary Nathan Chapman: "The song 'Never Grow Up' is just she singing and I on acoustic guitar. We recorded ourselves live. That song probably happened in two hours." This could’ve been written at any time in 2009, but I put it here because she bought her Nashville apartment sometime before October.

September 8, 2009: Tweeted "Last night in nash before heading out tomorrow for 4 shows, then VMA's. But right now I can't put the guitar down."

September 13, 2009: VMAs Incident

Enchanted: September 15, 2009 (Confirmed)

On September 15, Taylor attended an Owl City Concert in New York Taylor: "It was about this guy that I met in New York City, and I had talked to him on email or something before, but I had never met him. And meeting him, it was this overwhelming feeling of: I really hope that you're not in love with somebody. And the whole entire way home, I remember the glittery New York City buildings passing by, and then just sitting there thinking, am I ever going to talk to this person again? And that pining away for a romance that may never even happen, but all you have is this hope that it could, and the fear that it never will. I started writing that in the hotel room when I got back. Because it just was this positive, wistful feeling of: I hope you understand just how much I loved meeting you. I hope that you know that meeting you was not something that I took lightly, or just in passing. And I think my favorite part of that song is the part where, in the bridge, it goes to sort of a stream of consciousness of ‘Please don't be in love with someone else/Please don't have somebody waiting on you.' Because at that moment, that's exactly what my thoughts were. And it feels good to write exactly what your thoughts were in a certain moment.”

September 26, 2009: Taylor plays in Little Rock, Arkansas, and possibly writes a song: "I'd get my best ideas at 3:00 AM in Arkansas, and didn't have a co-writer around and I'd just finish it. And that would happen again in New York [Enchanted & Back To December], that would happen again in Boston [Long Live], that would happen again in Nashville." (x)

October 17, 2009: Tweets "Travis: you look so out of it. Me: I'm writing a song in my head. Travis: oh, I apologize. I didn't realize you were working."

November 30, 2009: Tweets "If I had a dime for every time my producer and I blurt out the same thing at the same time, followed by an awkward, uncoordinated high five..."

Ours: December 6, 2009 (Inferring)

Myspace Post on December 6: “I just got back to Nashville this morning after being in LA all week. Today I was out and about and in the studio all day” Taylor: "I wrote this when I was about to turn 20. I was in a relationship I knew people wouldn't approve of, and it was just a matter of time before everyone found out. When you're first getting to know someone, it's a fragile time, and then you add newspapers and magazine covers and it can get kind of rough. I wanted to have this song to play for him when it got difficult. Singing it for him was one of the sweetest moments I can remember."

December 22, 2009: Tweets "I was writing a song and my pen fell into the piano. Still trying to figure out if I should do anything about this."

January 2010: Starts polishing up the demos made in 2009 into fully produced tracks

Billboard: "Swift and Chapman had begun recording new songs almost as soon as "Fearless" was released. The two cut demos in his basement studio and would only take those songs to larger facilities once they felt they had an emotional foundation in the basic tracks. Still, it wasn’t until early 2010 when the album truly began to coalesce." Nathan Chapman: "We stripped it down and made the demos first. Taylor came to my studio and I played all the instruments on the demos, and because I have a good vocal booth, her demo vocals ended up being the vocals you hear on the record. After finishing the demos, we went out to different studios, and tried different combinations of engineers and musicians to replace some of the elements of my demos, mostly the programmed drums, and to do additional overdubs. [...] A pop artist would probably release what we'd done after five hours, but country artists don't want to hear programmed drums, they don't want to hear fake stuff. So once we had recorded the demos, we would book whatever studio we wanted for each song, to replace the drums, in many cases the bass, and to add whatever overdubs we envisioned, like fiddle, keyboards, percussion and strings. After we got the demos right, we opened it up and allowed ourselves to spend money and cut a big record." Taylor tweets on January 11: "Studio-ness with all the same boys who played on Fearless" and on January 13: "More recording. So excited. So excited. So excited. See, I said that three times. Once for every album we've made in this studio."

January 13, 2010: Posts on Myspace “Thank you January. I have had this month off. I have walked on snow-covered grass and discovered new coffee shops and laughed hysterically with friends about things that probably weren’t technically funny. I’ve written songs on napkins and sat at a giant table with my whole family on my mother’s birthday, all of us in one place for the first time in too long. I’ve gotten to take what has happened to me and process it to my full capability, and celebrate it the way it deserved to be celebrated. I’ve made new music. I’ve gone over the memories and jumped up and down with my producer and floated around with nothing on my schedule other than just appreciating what my life has somehow turned into. [...] Getting back in the studio with the same guys I trust and know and love.. (right, the pointing one: my producer Nathan Chapman) (Left, the waving one: Bass extraorinaire, Tim Marks. Clearly marked on his road case.) [...] Nick Buddha is in charge of the drums.”

February 22, 2010: Posts on Myspace "I’ve been writing lots of songs"

February 13, 2010: Writes in her diary "I’ve been obsessing over the new album. I always do that until it’s just right. I don’t know if I have the formula just right for this one yet. I know there are great songs. I just need to figure out the strands that bond them together into a great album. And I will obsess until it’s there. This album, any album, is the next 2 years of my life. It has to be more than amazing. It has to be great enough to keep my attention for 2 years."

Mine: March 10-12 2010 (Inferring)

Taylor (above interview, at 5:17): "I wrote Mine somewhere on the road, I think in Texas, actually." Nathan Chapman: "The demo for 'Mine' apparently took less than five hours to record, and sounded, according to Chapman, "almost identical to the record. After that we worked on the track for another four months, off and on, and spent $30,000 to make sure it sounded perfect in the real world."" Taylor: "This song is the first single because it has this…there was this moment between Nathan and I, my producer, when I brought this song in and when we made this demo in one day in his basement and we just kinda looked at each other and we were like, "This is it. This is the one. All of the times that I've had "The Moment" with songs of "This is the one," it's been a good call, so I'm hoping for the best on this one. Wish me luck." Scott Borchetta: "Mine" was a turning point in the album’s development. Swift and Chapman had begun recording new songs almost as soon as "Fearless" was released. The two cut demos in his basement studio and would only take those songs to larger facilities once they felt they had an emotional foundation in the basic tracks. Still, it wasn’t until early 2010 when the album truly began to coalesce. Swift presented "Mine" to Borchetta in his office [...] "We probably played that song four or five times," Borchetta recalls. "I’m jumping around playing air guitar, she’s singing the song back to me, and it was just one of those crazy, fun, Taylor teen-age moments."

March 13, 2010: Taylor records Mine, brings it to Scott Borchetta, and says she’s done with TS3

Scott Borchetta: "I said, ‘Keep going,’ [...] She kind of looked at me like, ‘You’re challenging me.’ And I said, ‘Yeah. You’ve found true north here. Keep going.’ " Taylor: “During Speak Now, when I went to (label head) Scott Borchetta and said, 'The album’s finished,’ he said, 'No, it’s not – you need to keep writing.’” (Right after playing in Texas, Taylor leaves for a vacation in the Bahamas, meaning Taylor likely had about a day in Nashville between the two trips).

Innocent: Late March 2010 (Inferring)

Billboard: “It was some time in the period after that challenge — between February and June — that Swift wrote “Innocent,” her response to the Kanye West incident.​​” Taylor: “Some songs take 30 minutes to write, and some take six months, which was the case with “Innocent.” When things affect me intensely and really hit me hard, it can take a while to figure out what I think about it and what to say about it.” (March would be just over 6 months since the VMAs).

March 24, 2010: Taylor goes lunch with Taylor Lautner and both of their publicists, inspiring Back To December.

Taylor: Swift says she based the song on a conversation she had with the guy about whom she's singing. "It's not loosely based," she says. "It's almost word-for-word. It is a song and a conversation that needed to happen, because I don't want to hurt people. If you unintentionally do so, you've got to make that better."

Speak Now: Early April, 2010 (Inferring)

On April 3, Taylor attended the wedding of Josh Farro as Hayley Williams (who is Josh's ex) plus one. That day she also tweeted: ""Nathan you smell really good! Is that a new cologne?" "Thanks! Actually it's a two in one shampoo and soap. From Dial." My producer rules." implying she was in the studio. The conversation below could have happened any day after the VMA awards in September, when Hayley first reached out to Taylor, but I think Taylor probably wrote the song fairly close to naming the album after it. Taylor: "This song was inspired by one of my friends who was telling me about her childhood sweetheart, crush guy. They were kind of together in high school and went their separate ways, and it was kind of understood that they were gonna get back together. Then, she one day comes in and tells me he's getting married. He had met this girl who was just this mean person who made him completely stop talking to all of his friends, cut off his family, had him like so completely isolated. And I just, kind of randomly, was like, "So, you gonna speak now?" She was like, "What do you mean?" And I was like "Oh, you know, like storm the church, speak now or forever hold your peace? I'll go with you. I'll play guitar. It would be great." She was just kind of laughing, and later on I just was wrapping my mind around that idea of how tragic it would be if someone you loved was marrying somebody else. Later I had a dream about one of my ex-boyfriends getting married, and it just all came together that I needed to write this song about interrupting a wedding. For me, I like to think of it as good versus evil, and this girl is so completely painted as the evil one. So this is "Speak Now.""

April 13, 2010: Names TS3 Speak Now

Lover Diaries: "So I’ve been obsessing over the new record to the point where it’s all I can focus on. I’m majorly stressed and borderline losing it, with all these lists and chronic dissatisfaction. Perfectionist-ness. I keep growing tired of songs because I know I’ve raised the bar and I can beat half the songs. Scott and I had lunch the other day. We were talking about the record and I had this epiphany. I didn’t talk in interviews about how I felt about much of what has happened in the last 2 years. I’ve been silent about so much that I’m saying on this album. It’s time to Speak Now. Scott freaked out. He loved it. We have a title, ladies and gentlemen!" Scott Borchetta: ""At one point, the record was not called ‘Speak Now.’ It was called ‘Enchanted,’ [...] We were at lunch, and she had played me a bunch of the new songs. I looked at her and I’m like, ‘Taylor, this record isn’t about fairy tales and high school anymore. That’s not where you’re at. I don’t think the record should be called "Enchanted."’” Swift excused herself from the table at that point. By the time she came back, she had the "Speak Now" title"

Dear John: Spring 2010 (Speculation)

This was likely written sometime after February 2010 (Taylor implies she's single in her vlog and her diary). Beyond that, it could have been anytime between February and June 2010.

Brief Interruption: The next two songs (Back to December and Mean) are going to use quotes from this interview that @1989worldtour found. If you've already listened to the interview attached to the Mine section, then it's the same interview

Back To December: Early May, 2010 (Inferring)

Taylor (above interview, at 5:12): "Back to December was written in New York City. Taylor was in New York city from May 3-5, and May 12-15 2010. she was not photographed in New York any other time in early 2010, and given her busy touring schedule, I doubt she was in New York at another time. USA TODAY: “Swift says she based the song on a conversation she had with the guy about whom she's singing. "It's not loosely based," she says. "It's almost word-for-word. It is a song and a conversation that needed to happen, because I don't want to hurt people. If you unintentionally do so, you've got to make that better."”

Mean: May 29, 2010 (Speculation)

Taylor (above interview, about 6 minutes in): "I started this song called Mean on my, like sitting on my kitchen counter, just playing it, and then, you know, took a plane and flew to the venue where we were gonna play that night and finished it in the dressing room." Now, this may be a too literal interpretation of "took a plane and flew to the venue where we were gonna play that night," but if we want to theorize: the only tour date (that Taylor could've conceivably written Mean during) without another show right before or after it was in Baton Rogue on May 29, 2010.

Long Live: June 2010 (Confirmed)

Lover Diary She likely wrote this around June 5, when she ended the Fearless Tour at Gillette Stadium (Wikipedia counts two festivals as being part of the Fearless Tour but Taylor doesn't, so I'm going with her opinion), since she said that she wrote a song for Speak Now in Boston (which is the closest major city to Gillette)

The Story Of Us: June 9-16, 2010 (Confirmed)

Taylor attended the CMT Awards (Which goes on to be the secret message for The Story Of Us) on June 9 and was sat very close to John Mayer. Taylor: "The people closest to me are used to me deserting a conversation and bolting into some corner of the room with my phone out, hunched over, singing some melody or lyric or hook into my phone. I wrote “The Story of Us” about running into an ex at an awards show, and I came home and sat down at a kitchen table and told my mom, “I felt like I was standing alone in a crowded room.” She tried to console me, but I was gone at that point." Lover Diary: "So I’ve been a little studio rat since the tour ended [...] Ever since, I wake up to my cell phone alarm around 9:30 each morning. Throw on a sundress, skip make up, tie my hair in a messy side braid, and head out the door with no shoes on. Because the only walking outside I’ll be doing is from my house to my car, then from my car, three steps to Nathan’s basement studio. [...] I worked on a song for a few days, then basically finished it in the car on the way to Nathan’s this morning. It. Is. So. Good. And I can safely say I am DONE writing this record!! This song is up-tempo, and hooky and sort of torn-sounding … like this horrible stressed confusion that comes on when you knew the person you’re pining away for is in the room. And for some reason, there are these invisible walls keeping things from being ok. So you’re not fine. And they’re not fine. And I’m so happy I wrote that song!! Footage of Taylor working on TSOU

June 30, 2010: Taylor tweets “@amosjheller is SLAYING a bass part in the studio right now. http://twitpic.com/21am7t” 

Footage Nathan Chapman: “We tried several bassists until we had a bass part that worked, which was played by Amos Heller, of Taylor's live band. In Nashville, it's rare for a road musician to be on the record, but he earned his way into this record by kicking ass. In fact, all Taylor's road musicians played some parts on the album, which was important for me and her.”

July 15, 2010: The orchestra for Back To December and Haunted are recorded (footage here, same outfit as these candids)

Taylor (talking about Haunted): “I wanted the music and the orchestration to reflect the intensity of the emotion the song is about, so we recorded strings with Paul Buckmaster at Capitol Studios in Los Angeles. It was an amazing experience - recording this entire big, live string section that I think in the end really captured the intense, chaotic feeling of confusion I was looking for."

And that's all for this timeline! Check out my others:

TIMELINES: debut • fearless • speak now • red • 1989 • rep • lover • folklore • evermore • midnights PLAYLISTS: debut • fearless • speak now • red • 1989 • rep • lover • folklore • evermore • midnights • entire discography GENERAL: tag

#txt* #timeline* #taylor swift #if this deletes again i might actually delete my account #let me know if theres a typo or anything my eyes are glazing over

[stormyoceans]

Monica I'm really scared. It's ep 11 next week. We haven't got Mork crying. (Sam mentioned to me that we haven't even gotten the day bawling scene from the trailer?) This eye donation thing seems a little bit too happy and hopeful for an ep 11.

I know this sounds bad but I really hope day doesn't regain his sight. Because everything the series built up about how blind people also are able to experience this world will all go down the drain. And some part of me knows p'aof will not do that. But then. It's so cruel. To give Day the eyes, the hope of vision just to yank it back so heartlessly. It's so mean. I am scared for next Friday monica.

i feel like i should probably wait to answer you because rn the episode is still too fresh in my mind and i don't have the emotional detachment necessary to be, if not positive, at least not utterly and embarrassingly overdramatic about this but. my mood really flipped a whole 180 degrees because of that ending and ngl. im not doing too well ;;;;;;;

FAIR AMOUNT OF NEGATIVITY UNDER THE CUT I ALREADY APOLOGIZE FOR IT

the thing is. i don't think the surgery next episode is gonna be successful, but i still so deeply dislike this eye donation plotline regardless of how it's gonna end because what's the point of it? if the surgery is successful and day gets his sight back, then it's gonna defeat the entire message of the show. if the surgery fails and day remains blind, then it just feels completely purposeless since he didn't need this to accept his disability and learn that he can still have a fulfilling life: he had already accepted this at songkhla, and it was perfect. honestly the only reason i can think of for them to go down this road is to have the surgery be unsuccessful now, only to end the series with day getting it again after some years and this time working out to show that 'you should never give up hope'. and i can't even begin to explain just how much that wouldn't sit right with me. and i mean i don't have a disability so i obviously don't have any right to say this, but still

not to mention that i actually still feel like those two moments with day and mork crying that we have yet to see are both related to the two of them breaking up because mork doesn't feel like he can take care of day, so they're gonna make him leave until he can prove to day's mom that he can provide for day. which is another thing i would hate

i just don't understand why would they choose all of this when, instead, p'aof could have had mork and day figuring out their future TOGETHER and BOTH trying to prove to day's mom that they can take care of EACH OTHER. like the show made such a point of making day become more independent and empowered but now they're not allowing him to be. i wanna see him walking outside alone with a cane, i wanna see him go back to school and finish his studies, i wanna see him open up his little bookstore while mork works as a cook. it can still happen, i guess, but i still wish it would have been given more focus

im also the kind of dramatic person who can't be like 'at least we have the first 9 episodes, they were perfect and nothing can ruin them'. unfortunately that's not enough for me. unfortunately i need them to stick the landing or it WOULD ruin the entire show for me. and not being able to get back to it and find comfort in morkday would honestly be heartbreaking for me. and you know, obviously the message and the representation of the show is the most important part in this, but also i would be lying if i said i didn't want to have a damn DVD box set of a jimmysea series to actually hold and enjoy since we won't ever have one for vice versa, but what would be the point of buying the last twilight one if i dislike the ending

ANYWAY. im really sorry ismay, i ended up ranting because i needed to vent but im afraid im only making you feel worse with this ;;;;;;; maybe after i sleep on it i will be a bit more optimistic about this but. im really scared too ;;;;;;; for what is worth im holding your hand and im here for you whatever is gonna happen

#none of this is gonna change my love for jimmysea but it still making me feel like such a bad nomnom #sorry again for the negativity i guess i should probably leave for a while ;;;;;; #ismay 🤍 #m: ask

[pinksirensong]

ok but what about this

yn is matt murdock ex-wife, they divorce bc matt cheat on her w elektra, but now she have a established relationship w morpheus and he loves her so so so so bad

one day, matt comes again, completely sad, broken and regretful bc he realizes that yn is the love of his life and not elektra (she doesn't mean anything), and yn loves matt a lot, but she also loves so hard morpheus

how this could be? how could be the interaction and rivality between matt and morpheus?

I don't know it that was a request because I never had one, so if it wasn't I'm sorry?? ANYWAY, I believe that even with Y/N still loving Matt she couldn't be in love with him. You can love more than one person because there are many kinds of love, but being in love not that's just one at the time (my opinion, of course). Also, interaction?? We know Matt, he would definitely provoke Morpheus and end up having nightmares just like Richard Madoc. Now the one-shot that you inspired me to write.

p.s. - it's so fuckin long, more than the chapters I usually write kkkkk

 - You’re being silly right now, Morpheus. – he should’ve stopped talking after that, because he knew Y/N only called him Morpheus when she was mad at him, it was always “my love” or “my Dream” while he called her “my heart”. Unfortunately Dream of Endless wasn’t smart enough to do so.

 - Am I? You want to leave me to aid your ex-husband at the waking world. Should I be content with that? – Matthew Murdock was Y/N’s ex-husband and a few weeks ago he seeker Johanna Constantine help to find her and ask for her help in bringing Fisk down once for all. Y/N was a lawyer and worked with Matt and Foggy when they started at Nelson&Murdock, they met at college and were the golden trio of Columbia. She was there when the whole Fisk thing started and wanted him to pay for his crimes just like her friends, especially because of what he and his men did to her dear friend Karen. For some time, he was at a secure prison, but then the snap happened and until everyone, including Matt, Foggy and Karen, blipped back Fisk was free to do as he pleased. Y/N was already living with Morpheus at the Dreaming, so she was safe and unaware of most of it.

 - Oh, were you not the one who left me without any explanation to rescue your ex-wife? I only knew about it because of the gossip going around the Dreaming, if it were for you, I would never know about it. Yet I didn’t complain because I knew she needed it and I trust you. I need to go, Fisk is as much as my business as his. I started it too, it’s my responsibility to finish it. – she never spoke about the reason of her divorce, it hurt too much to even think about how it made her feel like not good enough for anyone. Y/N knew that Matt had an affair with Elektra Natchios while they were dating, forgiveness was hard, but she was young and naïve enough to give it to him after weeks of begging for it and declaring his love for her. Looking back now that should’ve been a warning, she should’ve known that the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen couldn’t be trusted. Y/N didn’t know what hurt the most: him cheating on her with Elektra again or the fact that he pretended for months to be dead. It was too much, too much betrayal and too much heartbreak, so she asked for the divorce and left. – I am not leaving you, but maybe it’s for the best if we talk when I come back. Because I will come back, my love. – he wasn’t happy with that, but deep down knew she was right as usual. They parted, but not before sharing one last kiss.

…..........................................................................................................................

Be careful of the Murdock boys, they’ve got the devil in them. It was an old joke, but in Matt’s case it was truth. He did have the devil in him, and no prayer could save his soul now. Matt knew that Y/N was his angel and even that didn’t stop him for ruining everything, he chose his dark side and let Elektra in his life again. It was his biggest regret, losing the love of his life because of something he could’ve avoided. When blipped back he was actually happy about Fisk situation, it was like the universe was giving him a second chance with her, so he grabbed it no matter how hard it was do find her. Matthew didn’t expect to find out that she moved on, now dating a man named Morpheus, but he wouldn’t back down without a fight. Matthew Murdock would fight for Y/N L/N this time, harder than ever. They spent a lot of time together, alongside Foggy and Karen, for two months until they finally put Fisk back in jail with the help of the new Hawkgirl and good old Daredevil. All this time they never saw Morpheus and that made Matt even more hopeful to mend their relationship.

 - Now that we can finally breathe in peace, let’s go to Josie’s and drink like there is no tomorrow, huh? – said Foggy.

 - Oh, sorry but I can’t. It’s been too long, and I just want to go home. – Y/N missed Morpheus, she enjoyed the time with her friends and even Matt but longed to go back to the Dreaming. Seeing Matt’s face, both Foggy and Karen understood that they should leave them alone and that’s what they did, giving poor excuses to going early and waiting for Matt and her, if she changed her mind.

 - I love you, Y/N. I still love you, I’ve never stopped loving you. Please, don’t go. Things won’t be the same, I’m different now and I’ll be the man you deserve. – she tried to talk, but he didn’t let her. – I know you feel something, all this time together it’s…it’s impossible you didn’t feel like the old times when we were married. All of our love and our story, it can’t be over. I know you love me, sweetheart. Please, let me make it up to you. I’ll spend the rest of my life proving my love to you. Please, Y/N. – his eyes were teary, and it hurt her to see him this way.

 - Oh, Matt. – she let him grab her hand be a little close to her, but not too close. – I will always love you, Matthew Murdock. – a chill passed by her, Y/N ignored it thinking it might’ve been the wind from the open window. The truth is that Morpheus chose that exact day to seek her, he missed her everyday and couldn’t stay apart anymore, and he heard what they said, choosing to leave after hearing her professing her love to another man. Meanwhile, Matt was once again full of hope that maybe everything would work out for him, but Y/N was about to crush it. – But I’m not in love with you anymore, and even if I were it could never happen because I could never trust you again. We had good moments and were really happy, but it’s over. I hope you can move on and find someone that will give you what you want, just like me. – she squeezed his hand one last time and left, this time for good.

…..........................................................................................................................

Arriving at the Dreaming wasn’t how she expected, the sky was grey and there were a few thunders. Couldn’t Morpheus feel her, that she was back? Or perhaps he was still angry at her. Y/N could wander between the dreaming and the waking world thanks to a gift Morpheus gave her, a beautiful oval-shaped ruby necklace that contained a little bit of his power. He told her that he once had one that held a huge amount of his power and wished to gift you with a similar one that could allow you to travel to see him as you wished. It was rarely used, most of the times you were there with him because being apart hurt you. Y/N knew that the only person who could heal her wounds were herself, but with him at her side everything was easy. She trusted him, loved him and was so deeply in love that being with anyone else sounded stupid and impossible to her.

 - Oh, Lady Boss, I would not go in there. – she heard Matthew, the raven, warn her as she was about to enter the throne room.

 - Is something wrong?

 - The Boss is not in a good mood. He is not allowing anyone inside, not that we would risk. I mean, have you seen the sky outside?

 - I did, but I’ll risk it anyway. Thank you for warning me, my friend. – giving him one last smile, she entered the room, only to find her lover at his throne with a familiar face. It was his anger face. He didn’t notice her, it looked like his mind was too far away. – Why is the sky so ugly and most important, why is everyone afraid to be close to you right now? I’m back, by the way, just in case you didn’t notice it. – while talking she went closer and closer to where he was. Dream of Endless now not only noticed her as also keep looking directly at her as she walked towards him.

 - Are you back to take your things? – his voice cold but also hurt.

 - I don’t understand. What are you talking about? Are you banishing me or something? Is this about my little trip, because if it’s I think you’re not acting rational right now. I came back, just as promised and…

 - Enough! – he didn’t need to raise his voice, his tone was enough to make her stop talking. Why was he so angry at her? – You came to mock me? I would have never believed that you would do that to me.

 - Can you please explain what’s going on?

 - I heard you, Y/N. – after seeing her confused face he continued. – You told him that you would always love him.

 - Oh, my Dream. My love. – now she understood exactly what was going on with him and it hurt her that she was the cause of it. She stood closer enough to touch him, thankfully he didn’t push her hand away. – You must not have heard the rest of it. I did say it, but not like that. I will always love him, Matt was the first man I’ve ever loved. It’s the same way with you and Nada or Calliope, you’ll always love them and that’s okay. But I’m not in love with him, just like you’re not in love with them. They’re pieces of our pasts and helped made us who we are now, but that’s all. Y/N knelt on the floor and grabbed both of his hands. – I love you and I’m so crazy and deeply in love with you that I’m willing to stay here with you for as long as you’ll have me. My present and my future is with you, I’m yours. He might have been my first, but I wish for you to be my last. – she decided to be even closer, sitting at his lap and holding his face between her hands. – Forgive me for causing you pain, my Dream. I am here now and if you’ll have me, I’ll never leave again without you. Please, believe in me. – now it was his time to close the distance, pulling her to a kiss. She could feel everything in that kiss, how much he loved her and how afraid he was thinking that she would never return to him.

 - You shall never leave then for I will never not want you. I love you, my heart, and I will love you for as long as I am alive. – and once again they were kissing and showing how much they loved each other. A love that would always be endless.

#morpheus x reader #the sandman #matt murdock #daredevil #matt murdock x reader #morpheus #mcu #vertigo

[myhairfeelsnice]

I have nothing to fill my life. I won’t be working again for a while. I start school in a few more weeks. I’ve just been looking for a new housemate which is heartbreaking because he was going to move in with me. I don’t want to live with another stranger. I don’t want to go through that whole shit show again. I don’t want to take my chances on living with someone I know nothing about, but I have to. I just wanted a home I felt safe in. I wanted a life I felt safe in. I don’t understand anything. Im not even aware of what I should be doing. I’m hurt but I knew it had to be done. I couldn’t leave the feeling to linger any longer. I can’t lean on anyone, all my friends are on holiday and I’m only really close to one of them, but still, it doesn’t feel like I really have anyone. I can’t drop everything and go back to the UK and stay at someone’s house because no one would be able to babysit Blue and Fifi, and I wouldn’t be able to afford a ticket home let alone to put them in kennels. Sure having pets at 23 isn’t an amazing idea but I also think there is a slim chance I’d still be kicking if I didn’t have pets to whip me into shape. The tears come in waves. I knew he wanted to leave this city. I knew it before he knew himself. I’m not attached to Paris but I just want to finish school and then I don’t care which country I am in. He had a home though, he has something to go back to, I don’t. And who knows if it even is the right decision for him. Maybe if he’d have listened to my plea and gotten a therapist, he would be thinking about this differently. I just don’t want to be so alone. Having him meant I could finally be someone. I had love and support. Our lives weren’t unnecessarily intertwined nor did we have any issues in the relationship, it’s just that I know he doesn’t want to stay here. But then I wonder, am I not enough for you to stay ? Does it matter so much that you don’t feel at home ? Will home ever really feel like home somewhere else ? I don’t have the luxury of having a feeling of home. I wonder why he can’t just do things how I do them, just take a place for what it is. It’s never the place anyway, it’s the people, that’s what I think. I don’t know. I’m afraid this time he won’t talk to me, i told him since I have no friends he needs to help me gently work through this. He said of course he would still talk to me. I told him I loved him. He told me ‘You know I love you too’, but is it really about love ? No. It’s more that he can’t make a decision to save his life and I’m left suffering because of it. He goes home next week anyway and can be cradled in the love of his family whilst I sit in my mouldy apartment with a housemate that never makes me feel comfortable. I think of how incessantly he told me he was going to marry me, how we would have kids. He referred to me, blue, fifi and him as his ‘family’. I don’t feel I have a family so this was just intense to hear and even more intense to lose. Sure I’m young and I don’t expect anybody to settle down with me at this age, but i was convinced that someone did want to. This would all be manageable if I had some sort of support system, and my therapist seems to be on holiday all of the time. It’s not enough to try to make friends when I am already so low. I wonder whether I could ever manage. I started to fall in love with my life with him, and now, will it all leave me ? Im not a whole person when im on my own, I know this, im too fragile without support, but then again who wouldn’t be ? I’ve been awake since 7am and no one really seems to have to time to talk to me. All my friends in Paris are on holiday. All my friends in the UK are at work. Blue remains by my side but he’s just a dog. I remember telling him last night « How are we supposed to explain this to Blue ? » and he said « oh fuck. » and we laughed. He loves my dog in a very beautiful way. Is it too much to ask for someone to just be there for me ? Just to have people I know won’t leave ? I get it, I have learnt I can be loved and love in return, but can I keep it ? Or is it just for show ?

[transgender-scout]

Hi Arrow. Do you recommend trying TF2? I like the funny guys but I have no FPS experience

Em. I am gripping you by the face. I have not been thinking about anything besides TF2 for the past two months. I absolutely recommend it.

I’m also not really big into FPSs, but I really enjoy the gameplay for it. There’s a fairly outdated tutorial you can play where it walks you through how to play a few of the classes that I found helpful to get a feel for the game, but there’s also offline training with bots that you can play to get a little more practice with each class until you feel comfortable enough to play online (if you even want to).

There’s also a lot of custom maps that people make just to be silly on (the Mario kart and McDonald’s maps come to mind lol). I’m personally a big fan of Mann vs Machine, where you and five others just fight waves of robots.

The game isn’t super great at walking you through things, so you would probably need to either have someone play with you to explain things or do some quick research on it, like reading the wikis or watching some videos about it. It’s pretty easy to pick up once you get it tho!

Also, TF2 has had a huge problem with bots in the past few years, so to be able to communicate through chat, voice commands, or voice chat, you have to spend at least $5 on the game. I just bought some silly cosmetics from the community shop, but you can also buy taunts and other weapons if you want.

There’s a ton to explore in the game and I learn something new every time I play tbh!!!

But!!! If you want to enjoy the silly guys without playing the game!!!! There’s comics!!!!!!!!!!!

There’s a lot of smaller comics that were released to introduce new updates which is really fun, but then there’s the main comic series that focuses on a big overarching plot that’s sooooo funny and silly and heartbreaking <333

It also (imo) helps establish some of the characters in really interesting way. Like they’re all fucked up little clown dudes, but the comics give a bit of insight for some of them. A couple of the characters get brushed over a bit because there’s nine of them and you can only do so much, but it still did a damn good job of getting me attached to them all.

The only problem is…it’s not finished. The second to last comic was published in 2017 and the last one has been “coming soon!” since then. :( I’d still recommended it tho bc the comics are really good! The art is gorgeous and everyone is sooooo silly.

AND if you don’t want to do THAT! Theres the Meet the Team videos that Valve made to introduce each of the mercs, plus a few other videos for updates and other things. I LOVE these. I watch em all the time lol. My personal favs are Spy, Pyro, and Medic but it doesn’t take long to watch them all.

AND THEN There’s a whole wide internet of SFMs (SourceFilm Maker) on YouTube!! A lot of them are super silly YouTube poop-like videos that are rawrXDomgLOL random. This isn’t super my thing so I don’t have any recs unfortunately.

But there was an SFM recently released called Emesis Blue that is driving me to the brink. It’s a full length psychological horror/thriller movie that’s like TF2 but real fucked up. It’s been living in my brain for a solid week. It lowkey kinda gave me nightmares so you may check out the Does the Dog Die page for it if you’re sensitive to horror, or skip it all together.

Also kind of a blanket trigger warning for all media listed is blood, guns, violence, and bodies exploding into cartoon meat chunks. Fun stuff lol.

So there’s a lot of ways to enjoy the fun mess that is TF2. Let me know if you get into it bc hooooly shit I love this funny hat game so much.

#HOPEFULLY that’s enough info to get you started lol #let me know if there’s anything else lol #ALSO it’s so good to hear from you <333333 #I hope you’re doing well!!!!! #jackandthedevil #nottobeconfusedwithask #terrifiedofjudgement #tf2 #(sorry main tf2 tag I need to organize things or I will die </3) #(although if anyone else has something helpful to add feel free. just pls be nice)

[i-can-even-burn-salad]

7. how does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

Thank you for the ask! From this ask game.

Welp. The amounts of posts I have typed up, shared with friends, then deleted again...

So, let’s start with Tumblr. Because honestly, it just makes me sad. There are so many posts out there, telling people to “create for themselves” and “no one owes you notes” - most often in reply to other posts, showing a several hundred reblogs to several thousand likes ratio (or dozens to hundreds) and complaining about it.

So I want to clarify, when I say “no feedback” I mean literally next to none.

Fun statistic time: In July, I did some experiments. I posted from not-so-whumpy novella length story with daily updates, some plain gory torture, some environmental whump, some recovery, some human, some nonhuman, most belonging to series, some standalone pieces. In total, I published about 50 posts, containing roughly 80k words.

If I remove the two people who, without fail, like every single one of my posts (I’d never remove you, my friends 💜 but damn, you got free reign of my google docs already :D), and the “obligatory” reblogs of the events I joined, I had a middle of 1,7 likes and 0,4 reblogs per post. That’s uh... yeah. If I did not have support outside that, I’d probably be crying into my pillow.

I am writing it for myself, but I am posting it for people to read. It took me ages to figure out a routine that lets me set up a post in a few minutes, instead of 20 like it used to be. And if no one reads it, I might as well save myself the trouble, you know? There’s no counter here, no statistic, if one doesn’t at least press the like button, there’s no way for me to know I didn’t just throw my stuff into the void.

Some days, the only thing that keeps me posting is a) hating unfinished things and b) thinking that one day, someone might stumble upon it and like it. Someone did, recently, and it made my whole fucking month. But, to be quite frank, for every new work, I will think twice if I will start putting it here. It is, for me, a huge commitment.

I enjoy rereading my work, and correcting little mistakes, and I either have to do that in several places - now including Tumblr - or live with the eternal shame of knowing somewhere out there is a typo.

I still get nervous about posting some things, even if I don’t show it here, but some of my friends are used to a trembling pile of me sitting in their pocket, running in circles, whispering “I’m sure this will be the piece that will make me get anon hate”. 

I have been clinging to the “at least one post per week” schedule since January, stressing myself out when the chapter I’m gonna need soon isn’t coming along as quickly as I need it.

I love this place, and I won’t stop posting here (at least not until all of my stories are finished, who knows what comes after that). But if I didn’t have my friends, I wouldn’t have written half of what I wrote in the last months. And while I found some of those friends on Tumblr, that support isn’t in notes on this site.

Between “this was unclear” and “this was heartbreaking” and “are you sure you didn’t mean ‘into’”, my writing got better. I have handed at least 50 “, and” over to be devoured. I’ve added full chapters, following a conversation pointing out missing details. Knowing that there’s one or two people out there who will want to read it makes me put things on paper that otherwise would remain in my daydreams.

I am creating for myself, first and foremost. But if I didn’t intend to share, the shape it would take would be much less... cohesive.

#salad-ask #suspicious-whumping-egg #This ask is not OC related #I had in fact to correct an in -> into here #Thank you I love you but goddamn the irony

[vvatchword]

So I have been writing BioShock fanfiction since the second week of November and I have not stopped. And I mean. I have not fucking stopped. People think I have died. My mother has called me absolutely frantic on more than one occasion because I have stopped looking at my phone and cut off 90% of social media. I wrote 43,000 words in two weeks during November and I wasn’t doing NaNoWriMo.

So you should know if you haven’t been my friend for over a decade: back in 2010 I started working on a BioShock 2 fix-it. And two years, 38 chapters, and 250,000 words later I looked at it and realized it was complete and utter bullshit, then cried for a week and played sad Minecraft and debated whether I should continue writing at all. I even considered deleting the whole thing.

Jesus, I’m glad I didn’t.

I looked at it again last year around this time--just out of morbid curiosity. Most of the novels I wrote between 2008 and 2018 were just... jesus fucking christ. So fucking bad. It’s not uncommon for me to start one of them just to start squashing down into a Shame Puddle. But this thing? There was something so good twinkling in there. Something real and sad and full of yearning, something that ALMOST captured what I find most enchanting about BioShock as a series.

Anyway, I just want to leave this small note here for Future Self, who will definitely be intent on beating up Past Self: remember that you wrote something like 20-22 novels in that ten-year period and honestly? Thank god. Thank god you were okay with sucking for an entire decade. You figured it out. I mean, sure, it took us an unbelievable amount of time but I feel like we flopped out onto a mountaintop, sat up, and were like: wait. Wait a fucking second. How did I fucking get here? I mean I’m very glad I’m here but what the fuck?

It turns out that writing constantly, finishing all kinds of bullshit, being okay with being shit, not taking myself all that seriously, and suffering incessantly are the magic ingredients. So you did good Past Me. Good. ILU.

Anyway. I’m at 166,000 (acceptable) words and this shit is turning into something magical. I kid you not. It’s like magic. It feels like I’m unfolding an endlessly complex vista, and woven throughout is every heartbreaking expression of every agony I’ve ever wanted to scream about, and at the same time it’s full of how much I love human beings.

Of course, I feel like I should just be honest and admit that I just wrote the hottest fucking sex scene I’ve ever done and I’m now furious about it because the story is NOWHERE NEAR finished and I still have to read SO MANY BOOKS and research SO MUCH BULLSHIT so no one is going to be able to see it and maybe it’s not really that good anyway because I’m almost certainly in a honeymoon period. And also maybe I’ll die before I finish it. I hate feeling like I’m sprinting Death. We all know who wins, it’s just, can u just not for like,,,,, three years or so

Anyway, there are five parts. I’m working on the Topside part right now. The character I had thought was milquetoast has turned into something truly special and now I’ve got some Grade A Commentary going on.

Oh, another reason nobody is going to see this: while I’ve been just coasting along doing fuck all, the Internet has turned into Two Acceptable Ratings: G–PG-13 and NC-17/MA. So not only am I going to write something for a nearly-dead fandom, I quite literally have almost nowhere to post this fanfic now roflllll fuck everything

But since I’m nowhere close to being finished, and that’s a case of counting eggs before they hatch, I’m trying to focus on building the Story Bible and reading. The best thing about building a story is the part where you read All the Things and watch All the Documentaries. I’m going to parse the mobilization of America in WW2, research How to Psychiatry in the late 1940s/early 1950s, look up what richies wore in the late 40s/early 50s, and re-read Ayn Rand. I nearly asked you to pray for me but then I realized we should really pray for her because she’s dead and burning in hell if there’s a god. Actually we shouldn’t pray for her as she and her lackies are why we live in substandard hell now. What did that guy on TikTok say? “These people make me wish we could livestream Hell on Twitch”?

#storysnob #bioshock

[winderlylandchime]

I actually had QueerAnon as my number 1 podcast omg. Hopefully that tips off Jordan and Randy that they need to get their asses back to recording.

I honestly think the therapist knows about the show. I mean from what my brother has told me about him, the guy is around the same age as my brother and they’ve talked about movies, tv shows and music so I feel like he either knows it since the beginning or went to look it up. But the idea of him not knowing and just knowing my brother will lose his mind when his beloved show is over, is equally funny. I mean my brother vented to him about Brian getting cancer and about Ethan so he’s seen him at his worst throughout this show.

And as for the last few episodes: His plan is to watch them all at once. One after the other. Today. So I hate to report that the ‘straight man watches qaf in the year of our lord 2023’ is officially coming to an end. Do you remember that scene in Finding Nemo when the fishes try to escape from the tank and the starfish says ‘THE TANK IS CLEAN!’? Well he woke up today, walked into the kitchen and quoted the whole scene but changed it a bit, so it was: ‘good morning! Todays the day! The sun is shining, im watching the last episodes and I am finishing the sho- IM WATCHING THE LAST EPISODES!’ He even filmed himself and sent it to our family group chat and to his friends thinking how funny he is and immediately afterwards I got bunch of texts from our cousins, our uncle, our parents and 3 of his friends. And literally every single one of them is worried how he will handle it. My cousins basically said ‘good luck’ (they know how it ends and they also told majority of the family). My uncle is now fully involved (but only for his entertainment purposes) but he does think my brother might experience a mental breakdown after he sees the finale. His husband and him over the weekend watched the finale to try and judge how he will react and according to my uncle when the credits rolled, his husband looked at him and went ‘oh he is soooo fucked.’ And his friends told me that he told them he thinks it will be a happy finale bc no way would anyone do all that and then not make sure they end up happy, together and in love. They even brought up the Iron Man aftermath and im worried they’re right. So heartbreak is inevitable.

I will try my absolute hardest to send updates as soon as we finish the finale. But I apologize in advance if it either ends up being sent really fucking late at night or really fucking early in the morning. I already know I’m gonna be a mess watching the finale (i think I’ve seen it only a handful of times, maybe even less) but i am not ready to witness that first ever heartbreak due to the finale that my brother is only hours away from experiencing. It’s been years since I first saw it and i still remember how much it hurt so rip to the straight man. So who the fuck knows what his reaction will be to literally any of the next 4 episodes but especially the finale.

I'm guessing that the tumblr fandom is responsible for that podcast's listens this year. And I do hope Spotify wrapped sends up the bat signal that they need to make more episodes! C'mon Jordan and Randy!

I agree, it is just as funny for the therapist to think "I have no idea what is going to happen but Brother Anon is so unhinged about this, no matter what, it's going to be a crisis."

RIP to the tag "a straight man watches qaf us 2000 in the year of our lord 2023" after this week. Btw, instant regret for choosing such a long tag but oh well! I'm not even christian! It is NOT the year of my lord... lol.

I'm glad the whole family is aware that this is going to ROUGH (understatement of the year) on your brother. I think having some things to help him immediately will be helpful - an episode of QueerAnon, a bts youtube clip, a favorite fanfic - and maybe letting him know there is a whole group of us cheering him on? Like he's heartbroken but he has friends he never even knew were out there? IDK.

Good luck. Don't worry about what time your messages come in. I have a super busy day tomorrow, so if I don't get to them, that's not a sign of anything. I just have a doctor's appointment (where I will *not* discuss qaf with my doctor) and then a bunch of appointments straight through until night.

Good luck and godspeed dear sweet anon. I have the feeling you're going to need it.

#ask winderlylandchime #dear sweet anon #queer as folk #a straight man watches qaf us 2000 in the year of our lord 2023

[finsterhund]

Keeping Cazza stable

I’m sharing this mostly to vent and to also give advice, because I’m learning important things in regards to keeping a dog who’s very sick eating and putting this up online may help somebody else.

Cazza did eat some of her food before her vet appointment today, but she threw it up when we got back home from the vet.

I have been mixing her new “NaturVet Anti-Diarrhea with Kaolin Liquid” (two tea spoons every four hours) with (liquid, in a carton) chicken broth so she will drink it.

Even though Cazza does not want to eat pill pockets right now (her favourite small treat :C ) I am getting her to take pills by putting them on a piece of freeze-dried chicken and gluing it there with peanut butter.

I did buy her a pill popper but it was successful a total of one time before she figured out how to cheat it. I’d feel relieved she has enough energy and such to fight me on this but at the same time it’s about taking medicine.

So far she has not touched her food again but she has been keeping everything she drinks and eats down since coming back from the vet. I did end up just writing down the drug name of the anti nausea stuff from the chemo specialist onto a piece of paper and giving it to them so they’d finally fill a prescription for the stuff so I am also giving it to her along with the prazosin.

Yesterday she had numerous accidents in the house but none today. She does appear to be feeling better if only a little bit.

Cazza finished her bully stick this afternoon when I was watching my friends art stream. She only had a couple inches of it left but still food intake.

For supper I introduced popcorn chicken and gave her a small intermittent amount between doses of the NaturVet liquid. Before our evening walk I gave her one fried egg. She has currently been keeping these down. The plan is to slowly introduce more eggs until she is eating more regularly.

the vet has once again given an ultimatum about the chemo. If her platelets aren’t high enough on the 17th she won’t be getting chemo again. It is heartbreaking but I am trying to keep her healthy and put on weight. She has gained two pounds since last vet appointment but she’s still four below her regular weight during peak success of chemo. She is so skinny and it makes me sick inside.

My main goal is to feed her things slowly to help with her nausea and appetite and then if that improves to transition to feeding her things that are going to be more geared towards regaining the weight and raising the platelets. Fortunately eggs are good for all of that and I have a whole carton just for her.

Cazza’s personality and excitement (but not energy) is still going strong. She is still happy, playing (although I am going easy) and cuddling. Now that I actually have the meds I should have been giving her since they ran out last week I am hoping her health will improve.

I think a big part of why yesterday was so hellish is that there was a really bad thunder storm. so it scared her, it upset me, and she was upset for me and also scared and also sick. Stupid thunder. Yesterday was very bad for both of us and I’m in a lot of pain still from the whole ordeal. My ankle does NOT like the air pressure changes.

Trying to stay as positive as I can. Roommate says we should try taking Cazza to the lake this weekend but I just know she’s not going to be up for that so soon. But will she ever be again at this rate? It’s getting harder to avoid thinking about.

But for now things are stable.

#text post #update #cazza update #negative #cw: cancer

[dearasiyah]

May is Preeclampsia Awareness Month...

And I'm still feeling sick to my stomach. April has come and gone and It feels like I keep getting hit harder every single month with a new set of bricks. As I was mindlessly scrolling on the web, a post stood out that said "May is Preeclampsia Awareness Month in the United States." And that my friend is bringing up a whole bunch of feels.

A month of awareness that I probably would've never known about, if it didn't happen to me. But you know what hurts me the most, is that they say that "most pregnant women with preeclampsia have healthy babies. But if not treated, it can cause serious problems, like premature birth and even death."

That quote makes me angry. Pre eclampsia makes me angry! Because there's warning signs, but they don't warn us about the symptoms of pre eclampsia before It's too late! Some days I feel like I failed my daughter. The flashbacks replay in my head every single day since that week and the guilt really sucks! I feel like I was failed by the doctors, I failed myself, I failed her, and that they didn't do right by me.

I kept googling for answers while I waited to give birth to my daughter. How could this have happened and if there was a way I could make her heart beat again from within...

Could Asiyah possibly might have been here if wasn't for medical negligence? Did it had anything to do with the fact that my papers say "African American?" Was it because I was Muslim? Did I not express my pain or my emotions enough to be seen or heard?

I wish I would have advocated more for us. I was so scared that something would go wrong, or that my fear of inquiring too much would speak terrible things into existence. Well, that didn't play out well for me either.

It hurts me every day because that last day I remember feeling so down about everything, and I was just waiting for the finish line. You and I know that this is NOT how I wanted to finish my race.

These thoughts and questions weigh heavy on my mind constantly. It's painful to know that I asked Allah (swt) to ease my pain. Give me patience, and strength to make it to April. Maybe my duas weren't answered in the ways I thought about, but maybe they were saved for later because Allah knew I'd need it now. For our hardship.

Only Allah knows why things happened the way it did. I'm human. I pray I'm allowed to have these emotions and thoughts. I can't say that I don't have negative thoughts. I will probably always wonder why and think about the infinite thoughts of what ifs.

But what matters the most is that I keep reminding myself that Allah (swt) is with me on this journey and that Insha'Allah, if I stay true to him-- there's a possibility that I might be closer to my dreams. Reunited with her, with my family, in Jannah. If Allah wills.

Grief is a lifelong heartbreaking journey. I'm still learning. There are days when it feels like I’ve got it under control and life even feels normal. And then there are moments when everything feels so overwhelming that I’m not sure I’m going to make it without the support of those I love.

I'm not ready to tell my story yet, I feel like there's so much to say but it doesn't matter some days because It doesn't bring her back. I am now coined as a "preeclampsia survivor"...

And I just don't want to be.

#preeclampsia #preeclampsiaawarenessmonth #infantloss #stillbirth #grief #griefinsislam #griefjourney #bereavedmuslimmom #muslimmom #lifeafterloss #allah #babyloss #dearasiyah #pregnancyloss #bereavedmother #islam #duas #islamicposts #muslimblog #sadness #griefsupport #coping #islamicreminders

[psychewritesbs]

Chapter 160: How much of Yuji’s life has been orchestrated? + Megumi the stage-five clinger

Happy JJK-Sunday!

If I had to describe chapter 160 with as few words as possible, I would say: Oh f*ck...

My favorite moment was, of course, Megumi acting like a stage-five clinger. His interaction with Yuji in this chapter is especially ominous in light of Yuji being adamant of protecting Megumi from Sukuna.

A second favorite was Sasaki showing up in this chapter because of the implications moving forward.

Let’s jump right in. 

How much of Yuji’s life has been orchestrated by Kenjaku?

We start the chapter with Kenjaku talking to none other than Sasaki, one of the members of the Occult Club at the high school in Sendai that Yuji used to attend.

Of course, the bomb that Gege dropped on us in this chapter is when Kenjaku thanks Sasaki “for getting along with my son”. 

Like... excuse you?

Not only does this 100% confirm that Kenjaku used Yuji’s mother’s body to give birth to him, but this specific moment + some foreshadowing from previous chapters also opens an interesting can of worms about Yuji’s life: just how much of Yuji’s life has Kenjaku orchestrated?

For me, the implication is that Sasaki had an assigned role to play in Yuji’s life that would inevitably lead to him eating Sukuna’s finger. 

I am assuming this because although we don’t see Kenjaku’s interactions with the other people in Sendai, we get to see that, in addition for thanking her for getting along with Yuji, Kenjaku is incredibly kind to Sasaki. We also learn that she’s the only one who has received a special message from him (thanking her).

Ready to make this whole interaction more ominous? Someone pointed out that the kanji in Sasaki’s name means assistant. 

All of this brings us right back to Yuji’s free will--or lack thereof?

We already know that Kenjaku claims he made Yuji “ingest” Sukuna’s finger and that Megumi is rightfully concerned with this idea because he witnessed Yuji eat Sukuna’s finger “of his own free will.”

It’s also becoming increasingly obvious that Yuji was "created” solely for the purpose of becoming Sukuna’s vessel. 

What this new reveal about Sasaki does is that it makes everything feel like certain events have been part of Kenjaku’s master plan all along. While this still feels a little farfetched, it will come down to how Gege works this idea into the story moving forward.

Come to think of it, even Yuji’s grandfather’s dying words to Yuji take on a new meaning since we know Wasuke knew something was definitively up with Yuji’s mother.

Another possible bit of foreshadowing all the way in chapter 1: While the intersection in the second panel below could be ANY intersection in Japan, it sure looks like the Shibuya crossing:

A quick note on the importance of kanji meanings in JJK before moving onto the next section: knowing the meaning of Sasaki’s name tells us that names are important in JJK. If you haven’t, I recommend you read my break down on the meaning of Megumi’s FULL NAME. His first name is important, but so is his last name.

The plans moving forward

Going off to Tokyo Colony #2 are Panda and Hakari. 

As the strongest, Hakari feels like he should take on Hajime. As for Panda, it looks like his focus will be on hunting down Angel.

Side note: I love that Hakari is still calling Megumi names. Guess Senpai can’t help himself.

I must admit I was disappointed to find that Kirara will stay behind to report, but it is what it is. I am assuming Gege could see no use for Kirara and decided to leave the character out of the action for the time being. 

As for Megumi and Yuji, they’ll be heading to Tokyo Colony #1 to target Higuruma, everybody’s new favorite Law & Order boss. 

This brings us to Megumi’s current state of mind...

Megumi the stage-five clinger

I had a hard time coming up with the title for this section because what I see happening is that Megumi is starting to feel the pressure of the looming deadline for Tsumiki joining the Culling Game. What his behavior shows, however, is that he needs Yuji with him and is clinging onto him but won’t come out and say it--opting instead for aggression towards Yuji, the very same person he needs most. 

His behavior reminded me of how Megumi could be mean to Tsumiki even though he clearly adores her. Apparently that’s the meaning of being tsundere. I’ve read about the term tsundere before but it never “clicked” until this moment and I just love Gege’s interpretation of the trope through Megumi’s character. 

It goes without saying that it was REALLY interesting to me to see Megumi’s dynamic and interaction with Yuji in this chapter because it looks like Gege is letting us know Megumi’s state of mind continues to be one of desperation--remember that dogeza bow from chapter 157?

The thing about Megumi is that he looks stoic on the outside, but he’s actually an incredibly emotional person who doesn’t often show how he’s feeling. 

I hadn’t caught on, but in chatting with @justafrenchlondoner​ about the chapter, they pointed out Megumi’s behavior in his dynamic with Yuji appears nervous and aggressive.

Upon a second look I have to agree that Megumi is acting out of character and aggressive with Yuji when all that Yuji really wants is to protect Megumi from Sukuna.

And yes, let me go ahead and sound like a broken record as I remind you of Yuji’s rather ominous words from chapter 143 yet again:

And this is the part of the chapter that knocked the air out of me: Megumi telling Yuji to stfu about Sukuna but Yuji thinking to himself “as long as I’m around you will suffer” back in ch143 is so damn ominous.

Oh f*ck...

But this is what REALLY gets me about this whole interaction and why I’m calling Megumi a stage-five clinger...

Even though Megumi is calling Yuji selfish, in reality, the one being selfish is Megumi.

This is, of course, my own interpretation of the situation, but to me it feels as though Megumi is clinging onto Yuji’s strength for dear life. 

It’s almost like Megumi needs not just Yuji’s physical strength, but also his unwavering conviction or mental strength.

If you think about it, Megumi has only recently started fighting to win. Remember how unsure he was of himself when fighting Sukuna for the first time? It wasn’t until he went up against the Cursed Spirit from the Yasohachi bridge that he let go of his inhibitions.

Megumi’s battles during Shibuya were the pinnacle of his growth as a character in that moment. If I remember correctly, according to the timeline of events, the Shibuya incident happened around two weeks prior to the current chapter. You could say that although he is more comfortable in his strength than before, Megumi is still growing into his strength at this point.

The thing about Megumi is that everybody and their Divine Dog believes in him and sees his potential except for him. As Gojo tells him “you undervalue yourself.”

Looking back, the way Megumi asks begs Yuji for help in chapter 143 is very enlightening of how Megumi needs Yuji’s strength: 

I initially had read this to mean Megumi needed Yuji’s physical strength. Upon second look, however, Megumi has always seemed to have admiration for Yuji’s conviction.

With the looming deadline for Tsumiki’s vow to join the Culling Game, as Megumi starts to feel the pressure to make his plan work, who better to keep around than the person who will always go for the home run and whose strength he admires?

In other words, like hell he’s going to let Yuji leave his side. Which, again, only makes it more heartbreaking to think Sukuna is up to no good regarding Megumi and Yuji wants to protect him from that.

Oh f*ck.......

The panel below feels like a bit of a lighthearted and comical moment, but it’s also interesting to note that this is the second time they “fight”.

The first “fight” having taken place during the Cursed Womb Arc.

If you will remember, Gege used the Cursed Womb Arc and the Origin of Obedience Arc to show us how much our favorite trio had grown. 

Not sure Gege is going to parallel something here again, but just interesting to note.

Oh f*ck...

Ya, please excuse the French.

Despite the many words I’ve shared here, this chapter left me mostly speechless. 

I feel like I’ve been trapped in Gojo’s limitless domain expansion and all I can think is “oh f*ck” or “halloween” (if you catch my drift).

Chapter 160 was incredible because it looks like Gege has finally finished putting all his pieces into place and is ready to go for the kill by: 

Starting to unravel the story bit by bit, giving us all of the twists we both saw and did not see coming, and

Ramping up the stakes. Taking into consideration the estimates that JJK is somewhere around 60-70% done at this point, It’s not a matter of whether some of our beloved characters will die, but about who, when and how they will die

One last detail

I love the last four panels of the chapter showing Panda, Hakari, Yuji and Megumi all wearing their uniforms (barring Panda) and getting ready to become official participants of the Culling Game by entering their respective barriers.

Knowing that Gege is a very talented artist capable of showing and expressing emotions through his art, I feel like these panels tell us a lot about what the characters might be thinking and I thought I’d expand on that. 

Bear in mind this is my personal interpretation as an artist:

Panda looks excited and ready to fight, perhaps even confident. Panda is saying “bring it!” with his body language

There’s a hint of something I can’t describe in Hakari’s face. It’s almost like he’s coming face to face against how big of a challenge this is going to be and yet he’s resolved to walk straight into “the depths of hell itself”

Yuji looks focused, determined to go in and give it his best no matter what comes his way--that’s just who he is

And then there’s Megumi. I’ve been drawing Megumi recently, and one thing I noticed is that he has very specific micro-expressions. In his panel, he’s warming up his wrists as though he’s getting ready to fight, he has a focused look on his face, but the shadows around his eyes say he might be feeling like he is carrying the heavy burden of the uncertainty surrounding the situation he’s going through

With all that being said... the Culling Game is officially starting and we’re in for a one-way ride straight to hell.

Thank you for reading and happy JJK-Sunday!

What about you? What did you enjoy most about chapter 160?

#fushiguro megumi #megumi fushiguro #yuji itadori #itadori yuuji #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen manga #jujutsu kaisen spoilers #god i love jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen meta #jujutsu kaisen theory #jjk ch 160 #gege akutami #sukuna #ryomen sukuna #hakari kinji #jjk meta #jjk theory

[imyoursavinggrace]

5 Times Tony Acted Like Peter’s Dad

By @imyoursavinggrace / Forthenightisdarkandfullofterror for @littlemissagrafina

@friendly-neighborhood-exchange

AO3 link

Rating: General

Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark

Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, May Parker

Summary: And the one time he actually was.

*Featuring Tony and Peter being the softest father-son duo ever*

Chapter 1

For a long time, May had known her greatest achievement in life was Peter. Even though he wasn’t her son, and the event that left them together was a heartbreaking one, she always raised Peter like her own and she was so unbelievably proud of the person he’d become.

Admittedly, it took a while for her to get on board with the whole ‘Spider-Man’ thing, but after an interesting conversation (one way shouting match) with Tony, she slowly grew to the concept.

She just wanted her baby safe, and at first she pinned the billionaire as the reason he wasn’t. It was him that roped Peter into fighting in Germany and opening his eyes to bigger threats after all, but May soon realised that Tony only ever wanted the best for their kid too.

They’d been unofficially co-parenting Peter for a while now, even more so after May started working night shifts which left Peter staying at the tower most nights mid week and every other weekend. She didn’t know what she’d have done without Tony there to help him.

she knew how much the man loved Peter, he always had, even if it took until a few months ago with Peter going full on anaphylaxis in his arms for him to admit it.

He was the dad Peter deserved to have, not that either of them would admit it.

This was why she was beaming ear to ear, tapping on the sofa impatiently as the phone rang. As always, Tony picked up before the third ring.

“May! How are you? Is Peter okay?”

The woman rolled her eyes. “Peter’s fine, I’m fine. I’m actually calling to ask what you’re doing on 23rd December.”

“23rd December? Friday, what am I doing then?”

“You have three meetings flagged as important, finishing at 8pm.” The AI’s voice filtered through the phone, making May deflate.

“Oh.”

“Why? Not planning another Christmas party are you?” Tony teased.

“No, three is quite enough. It's actually an award ceremony at Peter’s school, he’s student of the year.”

“What? That’s amazing! Not that I’m surprised of course, that kid is brainier than me - don’t tell him I said that.”

May laughed. “I already knew that. I’ve just got the letter, it has two tickets for parents - people - to attend.”

“Well count me in, I wouldn’t miss that for the world.” Tony said, and May could practically hear him smiling down the phone.

“What about your meetings?”

“Meetings shmeetings, who cares - okay don’t tell Pepper that either. If Petes getting an award, I’ll be there.”

May smiled. “Okay, what shall I RSVP your name as?”

“The usual, Mr Smith.”

May laughed. “Could you think of something a little more creative?”

“It’s that or Tony Stark and you know what happened last time.”

“It would be hard to forget.” May chuckled.

Originally, when Tony put himself down as Peter’s secondary emergency contact for school, he’d used his own name and when the school had gone to call him, they fully expected it to be a prank. Ten minutes later they had the billionaire superhero himself rushing through the doors to rescue his Spider-kid mid sensory overload.

“I’ll meet you at 6pm outside the main entrance.”

“I’ll be there at five to.”

May smiled again, ending the call.

As if on cue, Peter came barrelling through the front door after another day of school.

“Hey May!” He called, midway through taking his earphones out.

May beamed, moving to meet the teen and pulling him into a tight hug, letter still in hand. “There’s my star nephew!”

“May?” He asked, sounding confused.

She handed him the letter, watching as his eyes scanned the paper.

“Oh that.”

“‘Oh that?’” May parroted.

“My teacher told me today, I didn’t know they’d send a letter.”

“Aren’t you happy? You’re the top all-round performer in your year, Peter!”

Peter shrugged with a sheepish look. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Sure it is! There’s an awards evening and everything, I’m booking it off work as we speak!”

Peter shook his head with pleading eyes. “No, no. Don’t do that, it’ll be really boring, it’s not worth it.”

“Peter, you’re the most important thing in the world to me, and school is a huge part of your life. If you think I’m missing the chance to celebrate you getting student of the year, think again bucko.”

Peter sighed, putting the letter down. “Fine, but please don’t be one of those embarrassing parents with the cameras.”

May grinned, pinching his cheek like she always used to. “I won’t, promise.”

* * *

“There he is! The star of the show.” Tony exclaimed, pulling a stunned looking Peter into a hug as soon as he caught sight of him. The billionaire had been waiting outside Midtown for about ten minutes prior, wanting to be there when the Parkers arrived.

To avoid stealing the kids’ limelight, he was in his usual disguise, tatty baseball cap, unbranded sunglasses and the most dad looking clothes he owned, including a V neck sweater and dark blue jeans.

“M-Mr Stark? what are you doing here!” Peter exclaimed, eyes darting around nervously to see if anyone had noticed.

Tony frowned, looking at May.

“I wanted it to be a surprise, you’d have only tried to talk him out of it.” She explained with an apologetic smile.

“ May .” The teen whined, cheeks going red.

“The school sent two tickets, and I knew Tony would love to come.” She said, adjusting his tie.

The kid was wearing the suit Tony recognised from homecoming that year, only this time he wore the tie Tony had made him from the spare materials of the Spider-Man suit. He knew it was a favourite.

“This is gonna’ suck you know? The teachers are gonna make dumb speeches and you’re gonna have to watch every kid go up and get their award.”

“But one of those kids will be you.” Tony replied sincerely, squeezing his shoulder.

* * *

“Thanks for coming, I know it’ll mean a lot to him.” May whispered as they took their seats in the sea of adults.

“He didn’t seem too impressed.” Tony replied, taking his sunglasses off.

“He didn’t want me to come either, I think he’s got it in his head that it’s not worth our time.”

Tony smiled sadly. “Well, we’re gonna have to change that. We should go back to the tower afterwards, get Petes favourite takeout and have a proper little celebration.”

May smiled. “He’d love that.”

* * *

“And last but not least, our student of the year award. This one goes to the highest performer in the last academic year, and not only did he achieve this, he got the highest ever grade on record in the school for chemistry and physics. Please give a round of applause for Peter Parker, student of the year.”

Tony was on his feet in an instant, literally bubbling over with pride as he clapped and whooped, grinning ear to ear.

As soon as Peter stepped out onto the stage, Tony had his phone out, taking an unnecessary amount of photos to document every second.

When Peter stopped in the centre to shake the head teacher's hand and take his award, he noticed Tony, turning bright red and a small smile crept on his face.

Tony was still giving Peter a one manned standing ovation when the kid had disappeared off the stage again, only sitting down once the applause died down.

“Tony.” May managed out between a silent laughing fit.

“Did you see him? They gave him a trophy!” He exclaimed, still sporting a huge grin.

May just nodded, wiping away her tears of laughter.

Tony frowned. “What?”

“You’re such a dad!”

“I am not!”

“Did you or did you not literally stand up cheering?” She asked, finally able to get words out.

“Yes, but-“

“Did you take a thousand photos as soon as he walked out?”

Tony shrugged. “Yeah but-“

“It’s okay Tony, it looks good on you.” May teased.

“I’m not a dad!”

“Whatever you say.”

“Mr Stark, that was so embarrassing!” Peter complained as soon as he found them after the ceremony was over.

Tony just grinning hugging the kid before taking the trophy for a closer inspection.

“You know you were the only one standing, right?”

“What, I’m not allowed to show how proud of you I am?”

Peter blushed, ducking his head. Even though Peter hated every second of being on that stage, feeling everyone’s eyes on him, seeing May and Tony in the audience looking so happy made his heart swell.

“Look at that, our kid’s name right there.” Tony said, pointing at Peter’s name engraved, next to the date. There were dozens of other kids' names above his from years past, but Tony acted like they weren’t even there. All that mattered was Peter.

“Right, let’s get back, we have takeaways to eat and awards to celebrate.” Tony announced, pulling Peter into a side hug as they walked to the car.

“Okay, stand there. Hold it up just like that. Smile Pete.”

* * *

“Mr Stark, are you serious?” Peter whined, standing by the mantlepiece, trophy and certificate in hand whilst Tony held his phone up around a metre from his face.

“Deadly. Now smile like I’ve just given you my company.”

Peter rolled his eyes, but gave him a wide smile just to please the man.

Tony grinned, peering at his phone screen like most old people did. “Perfect. Now how do I set this as my wallpaper?”

May burst out laughing, earning a glare from Peter.

“Mr Stark, you create AI’s and you don’t know how to set a wallpaper?”

“Time is precious young padawan, not to be wasted on things I can get you to do.” Tony said, handing Peter his phone.

The teen sighed, doing as Tony asked.

“Wonderful. Friday? Order Petes favourite takeaway?”

“I have them ordered already, boss.”

“But I have two favourites.” Peter pointed out, handing Tony back his phone.

The billionaire simply nodded. “I know.”

“Did you just order two takeouts?!”

“My kid eats more than Captain America, yes I’m ordering two takeouts.”

“You two are adorable.” May commented with a smile.

Tony rolled his eyes, taking the certificate from Peter and sticking it to the fridge with little Iron Man magnets Pepper had given him as a joke a few months ago. Since then it’s been used to hold test results, science fair pamphlets, and now, a student of the year certificate.

“May, put the trophy on the mantle.”

“My pleasure.” She said, finding her nephew's embarrassment hilarious.

“Come on kiddo, get yourself set on the sofa and pick a film.”

“Can we watch a Christmas movie?”

“Whatever you want kiddo. You’re the star of the year.”

“Friday? Play Die Hard.”

Tony gawked. “Die Hard is not a Christmas film, what is wrong with you?”

“It totally is!”

“He’s your kid. I’m taking no credit for this.” Tony said to May, making her laugh.

“Oh, I see how it is, I take responsibility for his poor choices in pop culture and you take the good stuff.”

“Hey! There’s nothing wrong with my pop culture.” Peter pouted, crossing his arms.

Tony rolled his eyes, ruffling the kids hair.

“‘Course not.”

The teen smiled, resting his head back on Tony’s chest and swung his legs over May’s.

“Comfy?” His aunt asked, raising an eyebrow.

Peter hummed happily, turning to watch the movie. “Very.”

* * *

Unsurprising to either adult, Peter fell asleep two hours into the movie, post-takeaway. It always confused Tony how the kid could sleep through surround sound shootouts, but he did without fail.

“I think you’ve put him in a food coma.” May chuckled quietly, putting a hand on her nephew's knee.

“He does this every time. He’s like a fruit fly, passes out after eating.”

“God help you if he ever catches you calling him that.”

“Eh, spiders, fruit flies, what’s the difference?”

May laughed, smiling at Tony. “Thanks for coming tonight. I know it meant the world to him.”

Tony nodded, holding Peter a bit closer. “Thank you for inviting me. You’ll stay here tonight?”

“Yeah, too late to be getting home now. I assume breakfast and a lift to work is provided?”

“I’d offer nothing less. I’ve got the room set up next to Peter’s.”

“Thanks, Tony. You want help with him?”

“Nah, I’ve got him.”

May smiled, manoeuvring Peter off her and going to stand. “Goodnight.”

Gently, Tony looped his arms under the kid, lifting him into his chest and standing with ease.

“Bedtime Underoos.” He murmured, following in the direction May had disappeared moments ago.

The billionaire had now mastered the art of opening a door with a handful of teenager, using his hip to press the door handle down.

He placed Peter down in bed, grateful the kid had put his pyjamas on after eating his takeaway.

Not only was it comfier for Peter than the suit he was wearing, but the pair had made it an unspoken movie night rule to wear PJs after Tony ended up changing him four times in a row. ‘As much as I don’t mind babying you, your lanky limbs make it difficult ’ Tony had teased.

The teen stirred when Tony pulled up his comforter, frowning in his usual way as he woke.

“Mm…Tony?”

He smiled at how sleepy the kid sounded. “That’s me, kid. Go back to sleep.”

“I missed the ending.” Peter whined, squinting up through tired eyes.

“I’m sure you remember it line by line.”

“Not the point.”

Tony rolled his eyes with a fond smile. “We can watch the rest tomorrow, okay?”

“Promise?” Peter asked, sounding so innocent it made Tony’s heart swell.

“Promise.”

“Okay… love you Tony.”

The billionaire smiled, brushing back the teens curls and planting a kiss on his forehead. “Love you too, kiddo. Sweet dreams.”

#fanfic #gift #friendly neighbourhood exchange #iron man #mcu #spiderman #tony stark #peter parker #irondad and spiderson #iron dad and spider son #marvel

[interlunium-opus]

No Place I’d Rather Be. [ Jay ]

[ Jay | fluff ]

Abstract: when you went to the library on the night when the Triennial Winter Ball was held, you expected to be all alone. But Jay, your best friend and the  campus heartthrob is somehow already there waiting for you.

You stared out of the corridors of windows as you ascended up the staircase of the desolated library, your eyes fixated on the bustling crowd outside. It was the night the Triennial Winter Ball was held: basically the night everyone looked forward to the moment they started university. Unlike how dark, drab and quiet winter nights in campus usually are — tonight, the campus was alight with festive lights lining up the path leading up to the grand hall and students filtering in, decked in their “Sunday best”, filling the otherwise quiet night with cacophony of laughters, chatters, and whispers.

Standing in contrast with the crowd outside was you, all alone in the dimly-lit library, decked in monochrome with books in hand instead clinking glasses and waltzing with others in an elegant dress. You sighed as you thought to yourself, who am I kidding, my introverted soul wouldn’t last a minute in there.

“You’re late today.”

You jumped, startled, dropping some of the books you were carrying. Given the context of tonight, no one should have been in the library right now. Especially not the campus heartthrob and the social butterfly, Jay Park.

“Jay?” You called out, squinting your eyes to get a clearer view of the tall figure at the end of the aisle. The dim-lighting were of no help at all but the blonde locks and the deep voice were a massive giveaway, “wait..what are you doing here?!”

“You look petrified to see your own best friend, it’s almost heartbreaking,” Jay muttered sarcastically as he made his way towards you before reaching down to pick up the books you had dropped.

“Well, duh, no one should be here tonight especially not you,” you retorted as you walked towards your usual seat at the corner, the one with the large windows and dimmest lighting, “people are going to think that you got kidnapped or something and oh God, the amount of hearts you’re breaking tonight with your no-show.”

“Well, what’s your excuse?” Jay raised an eyebrow at you.

“Jay, we have been best friends for almost 2 years now, you know why I am not there — I would just combust,” you said as a matter-of-factly as you took a seat.

“But it’s our final year, you’ve got to make it count — socially I mean. And come on, it’s the Triennial Winter Ball not some frat party,” he grumbled as he sat on the armrest of the chair next to you with his body facing you and arms folded. Being a massive extrovert with a lifestyle that tends toward opulence — tonight’s extravagance was right up his alley and all month long he had been endlessly badgering you to attend it. Being the massive introvert you are though, the ball is basically the last thing you would want to attend.

That said, as incredulous as the friendship between the two of you are to many people, you two are polar opposites that complement one another in a way that two differently-shaped puzzle pieces can only fit one another. Being a social butterfly, your individualism, rationality and brilliant intellect really stood in stark contrast with the homogenous crowd and superficial conversations that he constantly surround himself with. With an equally subtle sarcastic dark humor to match, a tenacity like no others and a brilliant intellect that constantly challenge and stimulates his mind — you’re like an oasis in the desert.

Likewise, Jay, too, was like a breath of fresh air to you. You have had some initial reservations about him though. After all, he was more known for his lavish lifestyle and the parties he throw. But beyond those such fronts, Jay was highly knowledgable with strong passion for what he believes in — qualities of which really matched yours. Not to mention, being pragmatic and rational himself, he was one of the rare few people in your life that you don’t need to put up a social filter for as he is always able to objectively understand your views and opinions.

That is how you two end up going from being touted as the “cursed” pairing that was doomed to fail when you two were first paired for a project in “Modern Political Thought” module, to the Dream Team that ended up trouncing everyone else’s project, attaining the highest score out of everyone in class. In fact, you two just keep on surprising everyone by becoming almost inseparable even after the module ended.

“Who’s to say a couple of drinks isn’t going to turn a ball into a frat party?” You shot him an incredulous look before turning your attention to the books you were flipping, “… exam is around the corner anyway.”

“1.5 months away,” he emphasized as he lowered his head down to your level, peeking over your shoulders to take a closer look at your notes, “Seriously? you’re skipping tonight’s extravagance and festivities for Multivariate Functions and Lagrangian? I’d have let it slide if you were working on a prose instead.”

“Well what’s your excuse for being here then? I’m pretty sur-“ you stopped mid-sentence, caught off guard by how close his face actually was to yours when you looked up to face him. Jay’s face as usual was unperturbed, his blonde locks softly framed his chiseled face and his lips was pouty in concentration as his eyes travelled from one end of your notebook to the other before he turned his face slightly and met your gaze. You swore for a moment you felt your heart skip a beat but the moment one corner of his lips lifted into his signature lopsided grin, that thought immediately disappeared as you knew he was going to say something sarcastic or dramatic.

“How can I be so selfish and party away when my best friend is all sad and depressed alone in this library?”

You scoffed, rolling your eyes, “Jay, as if-”

“Also,” he suddenly interjected, “the girl that I asked out for tonight rejected me so….”

“Wait, what?!” You gasped, “The Jay Park got rejected?”

“I know right. She rejected an offer that millions would have killed for,” he shrugged as he straightened back up.

“Exactly! who in their right mind would- anyway, at the risk of sounding insensitive, couldn’t you have substituted her with other girls? Like you said, millions would have killed to be your date — you can just pick and choose.”

“Wow, ____, you really have ice in your veins don’t you?” he smirked.

“Whatever, just being rational.”

“I know. I definitely could. I mean the head cheerleader asked me out too so I could have just accepted it,” he murmured, “but...” he paused, “as cringeworthy as this sounds, 80% of the reason why I really looked forward to the ball was because I was looking forward to spending it with the girl who rejected me. So without her in the picture, the whole vision just suddenly lost its spark. Like… I’d rather just spend time with her then whether it is at a ball or library or wherever.”

“Oh…” you managed, unsure how to react, “that’s kind of… deep I guess. Well yeah, I mean if you still don’t feel bitter over her rejecting you then sure, you do you, go after her. Unless of course she’s at the ball with someone else then maybe not…”

Instead of responding promptly as he usually does, Jay just heaved a huge sigh as if he was disappointed or something. His eyes glued onto yours as if trying to pry some information out of your mind, “You know you’re awfully dense. Have you ever thought that maybe you’re too studious that it’s beginning to cost you your social skills or something?”

Jay has always been blunt but tonight, it was just on a different level. It was almost like he was here to intentionally grate you as if someone was actually keeping score. You retorted, “Excuse me. Did you just come all the way here to push my buttons? Because yo-“

You stopped mid-sentence again when he suddenly leaned closer towards you, his hands on either side of you, one on the edge of your table and the other, gripping your headrest, “I am already with her right now.”

You furrowed your brows in confusion, your mind working on overdrive.

“Fine,” he uttered, ”let me spell it out for you — you’re the girl. You’re the one who rejected me. Twice.”

You opened your mouth to tell him to stop joking but his unperturbed facial expressions told you otherwise. Still in disbelief, you stammered, “No way — Me? When?! I mean we talked about the ball a couple of times but you’ve never… unless - wait… you were serious?”

You remembered it was a Saturday night, about 2 weeks ago at almost 4 AM when you and Jay was at the library burning the midnight oil. You were busy trying to finish up your Econometrics assignment while Jay, who had long given up with his Philosophy assignment, was engrossed in a movie marathon next to you.

“Ugh,” you groaned when your regression results turned ‘insignificant’. You turned your attention to the papers and books strewn across your desk, frantically flipping through the pages to see where the error could have been and how else can you rectify this.

“You need to sleep on it,” Jay murmured, casting worried glances at you, “You’ve been on it for hours.”

“I can’t,” you shook your head, your eyes scanning over your messy handwriting, “I’ll end up obsessing about it again at home so I definitely need to get to the bottom of this today, that’s the only way I can sleep.”

Jay sighed, pausing his movie and turning his attention fully towards you, “Fine. But you really need to reward yourself for working so hard this semester because otherwise, you’ll just burn out. Also, by reward, I did not mean hibernating.”

“Hmm,” you nodded absentmindedly when suddenly Jay snatched the pen you were using, “Hey ___ eyes on the person talking please. What did I just say?”

You rolled you eyes, relenting, “Something about rewarding myself and not hibernating — there, happy? Can I get my pen back?”

“Good,” Jay beamed, quickly pulling his hand away when you were about to snatch your pen back from his grasp, “The Triennial Winter Ball would be a good idea of a reward by the way.”

You scoffed, “Jay, that is probably your idea of a reward but it definitely won’t be mine. First, I’ve got to look all made up from top to bottom — that takes up too much resources for something an introvert like me possibly won’t even enjoy — that’s the equivalent of some floppy investment prospects right there.

“Secondly, I avoid crowds like the plague whenever I could help it and the ball has all the variables that could make me combust on spot: there are a lot people; a lot of emotions; a lot of expectations and — well, you get the picture.

“And finally, I would need to find someone to go with — again, too much trouble.“

“You have me, where’s the trouble in that?” he asserted, snatching your pencil case away this time when you were about to reach for it, “Just go with me then.”

“Yeah no that’s ridiculous,” you shook your head, stretching your hand out to him, beckoning him to give your stationaries back, “Stop playing, give me my stationaries back.”

Ignoring your demand, he pressed on, “Why is that so ridiculous?”

You sighed, “Because A) everyone wants a piece of you so B) I’d be burnt at stake if we do go together. And also C) You should spend that special night with a special someone, not your best friend — come on, Jay, you need to work on your prioritization skill.”

“Wait — that was meant to be it?” You shrieked as you recalled the memory, “I mean, it just rolls so casually in our conversation — I couldn’t have possibly picked it up as serious. Anyway, fine — when was the other time?”

“Just a few days ago when I was sending you home,” Jay replied as-a-matter-of-factly. Jay remembered skipping dance practice that night, earning an earful from the instructor the next day, just so that he can walk you home after your Students’ Union meeting with the president, Yang Jungwon.

“You’re really set on not going to the ball?” Jay asked for the umpteenth time and you nodded.

“What if I tell you that I know someone who is thinking of asking you out for the ball?” Jay prodded, stopping you in your tracks, “I’m serious.”

“Still no.”

“I have not even told you who he was,” Jay grumbled.

“Fine, entertain me,” you relented.

“Jungwon.”

“Jay stop messing around.”

“I told you I’m serious, geez,” Jay said exasperatedly.

“But why — what is that kid thinking…”

“I don’t know — maybe you should stop having some night meetings with him alone before it grows into a full-blown crush or something,” Jay shrugged before you smack him lightly on the arm. “Ouch!” he whined, “Anyway so? Will that be a yes or a no?”

“Of course no, Jungwon’s a definite no.”

“Well, I saved him from a heartbreak then,” Jay mumbled.

“Huh?” You stared at him.

“Nothing,” Jay quipped, smiling sheepishly. The truth was, one of the reason why he insisted to walk you home tonight was because he overheard Jungwon telling Heeseung this morning that he definitely would ask you out to the ball after the meeting, perhaps right after, perhaps while walking you home. Knowing that someone as upright as Jungwon was going to ask you out, Jay thought he should have been elated for this might mean that you will actually come to the ball. But somehow, like a broken record, the conversation kept on playing in his mind all day during his classes, accompanied with the 1001 likely scenarios of how you’d likely respond to him. By the time night has set in, all he knew was that he was dead set on not letting Jungwon ask you out to the ball, by hook or by crook. He did not fully comprehend why, perhaps he just did not like Jungwon, he thought. Or maybe, he didn’t like you with Jungwon together — or perhaps, he actually didn’t like you with any other guys. Fortunately by the time he had reached the Student Centre of the Campus, completely out of breath that is, he can see that you and Jungwon were still discussing the union project. Once the meeting ended, as indicated by Jungwon switching the projector off, Jay just barged in, announcing that he’ll take you home much to your suprise and to Jungwon’s dismay.

“Why not though?” Jay suddenly asked, “I mean accepting Jungwon? He’s like the textbook example of an ideal guy: cute, smart, upright, overachiever and whatnot”

“Well, my good friend has a crush on him for the longest time so that’s one big reason,” you explained, “also, we don’t even know each other that well on a personal level for me to say yes to.”

“Then would you go with me instead?” Jay suddenly grabbed onto your hand, stopping you in your tracks, “I mean, if you’re worried about having a good time, wouldn’t I be ideal then?”

For a moment, silence engulfed the two of you as you two stared into one another’s eyes. You opened your mouth to say something but immediately closed it, remembering how just this morning you overheard that the head cheerleader had asked Jay out, “Jay, just go with someone else more fitting okay? You don’t have to pity invite me or something, I’m fine. I heard the head cheerleader asked you out — isn’t that perfect? two campus heartthrobs together? You guys would be the talk of campus and the envy of many.”

Despite the praises, he could feel his heart sank. While it was not an explicit rejection, your nonchalance, for the second time, pricked him. Not one to be emotional, he plastered a smile as he slowly let your hand go, “Yeah, I guess.”

“Oh no, crap, I’m sorry Jay,” you sank in your seat as you stared at him in disbelief. No wonder, he looked so taken aback that night, you thought, and how cold he was the next day. “You know what, yeah I’m definitely dense — I think I traded my social skills for good grades. You can tease me with that all you want, I won’t even try to defend myself anymore.”

“Well, on the bright side, flirtations from others can’t get through to you — you’re like a fortress or something,” Jay chuckled, shaking his head.

“I’m sorry though really,” you bit your lip, apologetic, “What can I do to make it up to you? Oh you know what — that Michelin-starred restaurant that just opened up in the corner? How about I’ll treat you there for tomorrow? It’ll break my wallet but if it will unbreak what I’ve done to you -- I’d gladly commit to the splurge.”

“Oh come on, I’m not that materialistic,” Jay scoffed, “Do you mean it though, that you’ll do anything?”

“Absolutely,” you nodded, “Within moral and ethical bounds, that is.”

Suddenly Jay extended his hand towards you, beckoning you to take it. 

“You’re not dragging me to the ball right now right?” you took his hand and he pulled you up to your feet, leading you towards a more spacious area, “We’re underdressed for it Jay. I mean look at me, I’m decked in monochrome -- I basically look like I’m mourning.”

He chuckled as he pulled out his AirPods case, taking out one and gently inserting it into your ear before inserting the other pair into his, “Don’t worry, there are no dress codes for our own private ball.”

Soft music started to play through the AirPods, it was “Best Part” by Daniel Caesar ft. H.E.R. “Just dance along with me alright? I don’t need to be splurged on,” Jay’s hand slowly snaked over your back, pulling you close to him as he carefully yet smoothly guide you to the melody of the music.

“Well, gotta warn you though,” you smiled sheepishly, “I’m bad at this so don’t sue me if I step on your Pradas.”

“Fine, exclusively for tonight, I’ll put my Pradas at risk,” he quipped, his eyes glued onto yours, “Say, if you had known that I was serious — would you have said ’yes’ to me?”

You looked up, meeting his warm gaze which somehow, perhaps due to the proximity, was making your heart skip a beat, “I think so? I mean, I hate crowds but you would usually make me forget that I was in one. Also, you’ve always said yes to all of my weird adventures so I always feel like I need to repay you back in-kind if the opportunity arises.”

Despite always trying to keep his composure in the face of any nerve-wrecking  moment, Jay failed this time as he feel his smile widened while his heart raced uncontrollably. He couldn’t exactly pinpointed why: was it your sudden heart-fluttering words; was it the proximity; was it the the warmth that he could feel on both hands; was it the atmosphere; was it the fireworks that was starting to set off outside; or was it just you?

Suddenly, he thought in retrospect, he was glad that you had said “no” to him. He wouldn’t have traded the moment tonight, just you and him away from all the external noises, for a waltz in a crowded and noisy ballroom, even with all the glitz and glamour that it offers. In fact, tonight best represented what you meant to him, like that of an oasis in a desert, your presence alone is enough for him even if he has to search through the highs and lows for you -- it is just you who he’ll gravitate to eventually. 

_______

Author’s note: first imagine wheee! Hope you guys like this one :3

#enhypen #enhypen imagines #enhypen jay #enhypen scenarios #enhypen jay imagines #enhypen jongseong #enhypen fluff #kpop imagines #enhypen drabbles

[vexiingss]

mistakes(s.r.)

summary: steve rodgers makes to many mistakes and ends up regretting them

warning: angst, cheating, heartbreak

a/n: this is my first writing so go easy on me (shoutout adele’s song)

word count: 607

steve rodgers x fem!reader

pt. 2

m.list | nav.

Tears streamed down her face as she watched her boyfriend ex-boyfriend hurry to pull his boxer back on. The girl he was with had already left. Steve wasn’t sure what he felt. I mean she had caught him cheating before but this time felt different. This time felt more heartbreaking.

“I want your stuff out by next week.” Was all she said and then she walked out wiping away any remains of her tears.

Steve was dumbfounded by her statement. She had never told him to get out. She always left and cooled off for a few hours but then she would come back to him and they would be fine. Steve ran out the door to find her opening a bottle of wine.

“Sweetheart-“

“Don’t sweetheart me. I’m sick of you treating me this was. I’m sick of your bullshit. I should’ve left you the first time but you really know the right things to say but this time you can’t fix this. I’ve forgiven you for enough “mistakes” this it. I’m done. We’re done.” She felt a weight come off of her as she said everything that’s been weighing her down. She feels like she can finally breathe again.

“Please we can fix this. I’ll do better just please don’t leave me. I can’t do this without you.” Steve pleaded with her. He wanted her to yell or cry anything to show she still cared about him but nothing. She showed him nothing she just sipped her wine and pointed to their her bedroom door.

“Pack your shit and get the fuck out of my house.” Was all she said and then went back to her wine and phone.

Steve walked back into the room and started grabbing his stuff and putting it in his bags. Once he was finished he walked out into the kitchen to say his final goodbye.

“I really do love you.” He spoke softly.

“I really did love you.” She spoke back and with that he walked out the door and out of her life. For good.

She locked the door and let the few tears she been holding back fall. She walked back to her bedroom and just looked around.

The whole place was tainted. By him. All of it. It still smelled like him. All the pain and betrayal she felt finally came to the surface. All the frustration and sadness that she repressed came out.

She grabbed the thing closest to her and just threw it and she did that until she couldn’t grab anything else. She leaned against the wall and slowly slid down. She looked around seeing glass all around her.

Every picture of them was shattered. All the memories just gone like that. She hadn’t realized how long she had sat there and just stared but apparently it was long enough for people to get worried.

“Y/n?” Someone called out but got no response back. He bedroom door opened and Wanda walked in. “Oh honey.” She said softly while getting rid of the mess.

Y/n felt Wanda kneel down next to her and pull her into a hug and she started crying again. She didn’t wanna cry anymore but everything hurt so bad.

“Why. Why wasn’t I enough for him. Am I really that bad Wanda?” She asked through her tears.

“No you are amazing. You’re kind and beautiful and everything good in this world. He’s blind if he thinks he’s ever gonna find someone better than you. You deserve so much more than what he gave you.” Wanda said squeezing a little tighter.

Y/n let one last tear fall and slowly pulled away from Wanda. “Thank you for being here. I know you guys were close ever since…” Y/n trailed off not wanting the bring up the redheads brother.

“Yeah well you’re more important.” Wanda spoke gently. “Now come on I brought Chinese and some horror movies.” Wanda giggled pulling Y/n up and guiding her out of the tainted room.

Maybe life without Steve wasn’t gonna be so hard after all.

#steve rodgers x reader #steve rogers #steve rodgers angst #steve rodgers imagine #steve rodgers x reader angst #mcu imagine #wanda maximoff #marvel

[storyofmychoices]

Home: Where She Belongs

[Levi Schuler x Laura Day Masterlist]

Pairing: Levi Schuler x Laura Day [F!MC] with Lily (daughter) Book: Mother of the Year (chapter 16) Word Count: <1,600 (sorry it's a big long!) Rating: General

Prompts: @choicesaugustchallenge relaxation; @choicesbookclub : MOTY Replay Chapter 16 ; @wackydrabbles #108 (prompt in bold)

A/N: As a whole MOTY is a solid book, but one thing that I hated was the fact that instead of going home with her daughter after winning the court case MC sneaks off with her LI for a 30 diamond scene. I love those scenes, but that wasn't the time.

Synopsis: Following the celebration with their friends over the court case win, Laura and Lily head home for a private celebration, knowing they had won and no one would keep them apart. [Fluff with some comfort/care]

Bliss. Laura thought after some consideration. That's what this is—bliss.

Her body fluttered with a pleasant warmth that enveloped her in its comfort and relaxation. She breathed easily for the first time in weeks, the weight of the world no longer on her shoulders. She could simply enjoy the moment without worry of tomorrow.

She knew better than to expect the future to be sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns, but for the moment, this was enough—actually, it was more than enough—it was perfect. The outcome might not have been everything she wanted, but it was better than what she feared. Lily was hers, and she always would be.

The voices of her friends surrounded her. They had all been eager to join in for a celebratory dinner. She had never needed to ask them to be there; they just were. She wondered how she and Lily would have survived in Goldcliffe without them; thankfully, they'd never need to figure it out.

Laura leaned forward, resting her chin on the back of her hand as she watched Levi play a game with Lily and Luz across the table. Their laughter was a melody in the night air, one that filled her heart with joy. Her eyes glistened in the dimming light. She wondered if the smile etched on her face would ever fade.

Lily's mouth opened, a silent yawn slipping out between excited explanations of her science fair project and how her newly rebuilt rocket was better than the previous one.

"It's late," Laura finally said, interrupting their game. "You've had a big day, my Stargirl. We both have. How about we head home?" Home—Laura couldn't help but smile at the word. Lily was going home with her, where she belonged.

"Okay," Lily agreed, without any complaining, knowing they had already planned their own little private celebration.

Laura said her goodbyes, thanking her friends once more for all they had done. Lily made her rounds, giving hugs and reminding everyone of the upcoming science fair.

"Thank you," Laura whispered as Levi drew her into his arms, holding her safely. "I couldn't have survived this without you."

"As much as my ego thanks you for that, you're the strongest person I know. You can survive anything." He brushed a kiss on her forehead as he leaned back, his attention turning to Lily. He pulled her into a bear hug that lifted her off the ground, causing her to giggle into his shoulder. "Goodnight, Rocket. I'm glad we'll still get to be neighbors. I'd hate to lose my partner in crime."

"I'm glad I get to stay too!" Lily beamed. "Do you want to come have celebration hot chocolate with us?"

"Celebration hot chocolate?" Levi set her back on the ground and bent down to her level. "I don't want to mess up whatever you and your mom have planned. You two have fun."

"But, there's extra marshmallows!!!" Her eyes widened, pleading with him.

"Extra marshmallows, huh?"

Lily nodded enthusiastically. "And whipped cream. And cinnamon! And chocolate syrup!"

"Wow. That is tempting." His gaze shifted to Laura, who was attempting to hide her smile behind her hands. "Are you sure?"

"Yes! You have to come!" She insisted, slipping her hand into his. "Right, mom?"

"I think she's right. I mean, how can you argue against celebration hot chocolate with extra marshmallows, whipped cream, chocolate syrup, AND cinnamon?" Laura shrugged in defeat as if though there were no other options than to accept.

"Then, there's nowhere else I'd rather be," Levi decided.

It didn't take long for the water to heat once they returned home. They worked together, moving through the kitchen as if it had always been like this—the three of them. Levi got the mugs ready with the powdered chocolate mix. Laura carefully poured water into each, leaving plenty of room for Lily to add all the toppings.

Marshmallows rained down over the three cups as she scooped large handfuls onto each mug. Lily grinned excitedly as she tipped the can of whipped cream, creating white, fluffy mountains, with one peak noticeably higher than the others.

"Do you think you need that much sugar before bed?" Laura questioned with a raise of her brow.

Lily's eyes widened, and she nodded enthusiastically. "It's a celebration!"

"Just this once!" Laura kissed the top of her daughter's head, her fingers trailing through her silky, black hair. Every day had always been a treasure with Lily, but now more so than ever. She would never take a second of their time together for granted.

Lily sprinkled cinnamon on hers and her mom's cups. "Do you want some, Levi?"

"Hmm‚" he pondered. He dipped his fingers through her cinnamon-dusted, whipped cream ridge, sampling it. "Mmm, that is good!"

"Hey!" Lily pouted. "No fair."

Levi laughed, a playful smirk pulling at his lips. He scooped up some of the fluffy topping off of his cup and dotted it on her nose. "Better?"

Lily's mouth fell open in surprise. Her hand was on the can of whipped cream again. The nozzle pointing at Levi, her finger hovering dangerously on the trigger, ready to set it off with the slightest change in pressure.

Their gaze narrowed at one another, the corners of their lips pulling up as silence fell in the kitchen.

"If it's war you want—" Lily began, breaking the quiet. "Then you shall have it."

Levi grabbed the plastic container of chocolate syrup, holding it up. "Two can play at that game, Rocket."

Lily stood in her chair, keeping her finger carefully on the nozzle. "I have the high ground."

Before he could respond, Laura stepped in, snatching both containers from them.

"Mom!"

"Laura," Levi moaned, matching Lily's tone but adding a teasing wink.

"You two are trouble!"

"Only the best kind of trouble, right?" Levi took his mug and lifted it up. "What do you say, rocket—partners in crime still?"

Lily lifted her mug, clinking it against his. "Space partners in crime," she added.

"How could I forget?" He took a sip of his cocoa as Lily did the same. Both of them ended up with whipped cream on their noses.

Laura sighed happily, watching the two most important people in her world laugh effortlessly together.

After about an hour of Lily vibrating from her sugar high and rattling off the names of all the stars in the night sky above them, she finally crashed on the couch. Her eyes were closed, but her mouth still attempted to finish the list.

"I think it's time for bed, my little astronomer." Laura helped her sleepy daughter to her room to get ready for bed. She tucked her carefully under the covers, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Good night, my beautiful girl. I love you to Andromeda and back."

She paused at the door, taking another look back. A part of her worried she'd never have this moment again. The sight of Lily safely asleep in her bed, the glow-in-the-dark stars above her keeping watch as her daughter dreamt dreams bigger than she could ever imagine.

When she returned, she found Levi where she left him on the couch. She curled into his arms.

He brushed her hair back, kissing the crown of her head. "What do you need? What can I do for you? Lily wasn't the only one with a big day."

"This," she whispered, closing her eyes as she breathed in his scent. "Just hold me."

"Done." He hugged her closer, wrapping her in his warmth. His fingers caressed her back, massaging her tenderly. "I won't let go. I love you, Laura—you 'n Lily, more than I could've thought possible."

Her body trembled, and she let out a sharp cry. The tears she had pushed down all day erupted at the sound of his confession.

"Shh, it's okay. I've got you."

She buried her face in his chest, hoping to quell the tears that kept coming, not wanting to wake Lily.

"It's okay. You did good. Lily is safe. You're safe. It's going to be okay." He continued whispering tender encouragement in her ear as he kept her close, allowing the weeks of frustration and heartbreak to pour out.

Slowly, her breathing steadied, and her sobs subsided.

"That's it. You need sleep. Come on." He lifted her into his arms, much to her surprise. His brow arched as he caught her eye. "What? I said I wouldn't let go."

She nuzzled back into his neck. "Thank you...for everything."

"Shh, just rest." He carried her to her room at the end of the short hall, placing her down on the edge of the bed. He ran his thumb over her cheek, wiping away the last of her tears.

Her eyes were red and swollen. "Stay?"

"Are you sure?"

She stood to meet him, wobbling a little, not realizing how tired she was, but he was there to support her. She cupped his face. "I've never been more sure. I love you, Levi."

He kissed her softly. "Okay. Who am I to disagree with what the lady wants."

"Good. I'm not ready for you to let go yet." Laura slipped out of her clothes, grabbing a baggy t-shirt to put on.

"Great band!" Levi noted as he took off his pants and shirt and slid into bed. "I have the same shirt at home."

"No, you don't—" Laura climbed in, nestling into him once more. "—because this one's yours."

He breathed out a laugh as he rested his head on hers. He held her close, humming softly until she finally fell asleep in his arms.

Thank you for reading! I appreciate your support. Likes, reblogs, and comments are always amazing and make my day!

I hope you enjoyed this story. (Don't worry, Laura and Levi will still get their 30 diamond scene... that night just didn't feel appropriate for it).

Tags in a reblog, please let me know if you want to be added or removed!

#levi schuler #levi schuler x mc #levi schuler + daughter #mother of the year #moty #fan fiction #levi x laura #levi + lily #laura + lily #moty book club #levi choices #playchoices #choices #tara day #zoey day