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#forgot about this for over a year OOPS

shackleyskidd · 8 months

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finally getting around to posting my full piece from @verseofthedeep !! arno i love you

#tiger tiger #arno #verse of the deep #forgot about this for over a year OOPS

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gayvecchio · 1 month

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My initial impression when I watched Eclipse for the first time (and what I still believe) is that Stella knew full well that Ray didn't humilate himself on purpose in the bank when they were kids. I always read it as Stella knowing how embarrased and ashamed Ray would feel for having wet himself, and instead of trying to console him and tell him that it was okay, she let him be the hero instead. Because even though in Ray's memory he thought that he was being 'John Lennon, James Bond, Joe Namath, all rolled into one', I don't think Stella actually fell in love with an illusion at all. Like Fraser said, 'I am willing to gamble that Stella looked beyond that one incident and saw the whole person'. I think she always saw Ray for who he really was, but Ray's own insecurities about himself made him believe that she had to be with him based on a lie. I think the person who doesn't see Ray clearly is Ray himself. He has such a low sense of himself that he can't imagine her falling for anything but a con. He can't imagine that Stella simply fell in love with little Ray Kowalski, because who the hell is even is that? He's convinced himself that he's been playing the part of 'the hero' all these years that he doesn't really see that he has actually become one. The person who recieved all those citations that Fraser recounts wasn't a lie or a con, it was Ray Kowalski, a good policeman, someone who one would be proud to call a partner and a friend. In my opinion Ray's biggest con was conning himself into believing he isn't good enough just the way he is.

#due south #stella kowalski #ray kowalski #anyway this is why the depiction of stella in some fics of being historically embarrased by ray over the years has always rankled me #she wouldn't have stayed with him since she's 13 if he was a constant source of embarrassment #she truly loved ray for ray #she just sadly ended up outgrowing the relationship eventually #and i think ray tied so much of his identity to stella for so long which is why he struggled so much to let go of her #lol i just wanted to write a little thought about stella and it ran away from me a bit. this is why i don't do meta stuff. i tend to ramble #i just hope i made sense #ds30below #<- oops forgot to tag

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uefb · 5 months

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I just wanna say, I have just discovered you and your autistic!Newt writings, and I'm so excited to start this journey. ❤️ thank you keeping the fandom alive.

This is so incredibly kind of you to reach out and share! I love the Fantastic Beasts characters and have gotten a lot of joy from writing them this past year, particularly Newt, whose character has helped me process some of my own feelings and experiences. I hope you enjoy the stories, and please let me know if you have any questions or concerns! Take care ^_^

(I noticed on your header you’re a historian, which is mildly intimidating as I am someone who is very enthusiastic about history & builds fics around it, though I’m not a historian. 😅 Feel free to let me know if I get anything wrong in your particular area!)

#answered asks #I-am-deductress #newt scamander #autistic newt scamander #fantastic beasts fanfiction #also just now realizing I have - like - 5 asks from nearly a year ago I forgot about #I will try to get to those over time even if those ppl aren’t in the fandom anymore bc it’s been so long #oops #uefb rambles in the tags

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eumppattv · 5 months

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OOPS, IV’E FALLEN IN LOVE | enha ft. hybe game caterers

enhypen falling in love with you during hybe game caterers

pairing ot7 x idol!reader genre ᩍ fluff, love at first sight warnings ꕁ none ➜ masterlist enha permanent taglist here! a/n: requests are open :)

heeseung ☆ ⊹ ๑

you stepped up, handing heeseung the microphone. you had expressed how you admired him as a vocalist, and that was enough for him to join you in the duet. the goal was for you to get a perfect score in the karaoke machine, and he was determined to make it happen. he was so focused on his part, until he heard your voice. it was like a siren, pulling him in until he couldn’t remember where he was standing. after you finished your line, he just started at you. the mc said something about heeseung forgetting his line, but he was too focused on you to hear. he just wanted to hear your voice again.

jay ☆ ⊹ ๑

jay was totally messing up. he had a song blasting in his ears, and was desperately trying to concentrate on your lips. you were saying something, but he couldn’t decipher it. then it happened; you smiled at him. let’s just say he forgot about the game right then and there. you were laughing because no matter how much you slowed down you speech, he still could not guess the word. but now your laughing had him flustered, the tips of his ears turning red. he didn’t care how long the game would take because of his confusion- he just wanted to see you smile at him again.

jake ☆ ⊹ ๑

jake had never met anyone as competitive as him. you were on the field for the soccer portion of the day. you ran up on the field, cheering your team on. then you were called as team captain to walk up to enhypen captain, jake. now face to face, you were asked about your strategy for the game. you replied that there was no strategy because you were just that good. that made jake laugh, and he gave a cocky reply back. throughout the game, there was some banter between you two, until finally your team came out victorious. you stuck your tongue out at jake, and he laughed. he did not stop talking about you to the boys when they returned to their table.

sunghoon ☆ ⊹ ๑

we all know the moment in the last game caterers, where sunghoon forgot eunchae’s name and had to look at her name tag. so this year, they decided to make a game specifically for him: name that idol. there were 5 idols in line, with you being at the end. your name tags were off, the goal being for sunghoon to go down the line and name each one of you. of course he went down the line, giving them different names or just simply giving up on even giving them names. then he got to you, and to everyone surprise- he knew your name. truth is he had been watching you throughout the day, and had learned your name easily. you were definitely special in his eyes.

sunoo ☆ ⊹ ๑

sunoo was tired, and incredibly hungry. as he ran the last lap, he felt a breeze pass by- followed by high pitch cheering. you had won, which meant you would be getting all the food for your team, including the mint chocolate ice cream. he quietly made his way back to the members, sitting down in his chair. his stomach growled, as he put his head down on the table. suddenly he felt a tap on his shoulder, and he sprung up in surprise. there you were, with a plate of food and a sweet smile. and there he was, heart full, eating his food while staring at you from across the field.

jungwon ☆ ⊹ ๑

they wanted to do a martial arts segment in this years game caterers. of course jungwon was a part of the event, but little did he know he would go up another martial artist turned idol; you. at first he was a little hesitant, talking to the host about how he didn’t want to hurt you. well, one thing to to another, and here he was. flipped onto the ground, you on top of him with the biggest smirk playing on your face. he was shocked to say the least, but seeing you beat him sparked his interest in you. by the end of the day, he was head over heels. he liked that you were strong, and he was looking forward to seeing you around.

ni-ki ☆ ⊹ ๑

it was the last round of random play dance. only two idols remained, both being the main dancers in their groups. you and ni-ki stepped up, your bodies moving to the familiar beat. suddenly, ni-ki froze up, forgetting the next move. he glanced over to you, hoping you hadn’t made the same mistake. instead he found you dancing your heart out, as if the song belonged to your group. anyone could see the hearts in his eyes. he hadn’t paid much attention to you or anyone during the day, but now he couldn’t look away from you. he had never seen anyone move so elegantly, and look so beautiful.

🝮 taglist open!

@avocarua @kpoprhia @haechansbbg @yeehawnana @lilly-bubblelops @aishigrey @gweoriz @soul-is-a-strange-kid @dior-girlie @gigification

#⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ eumppattv #kflixnet #kfilms #en web #enhypen headcanons #enha #enhypen lee heeseung #enhypen yang jungwon #enhypen niki #enhypen jay #enhypen jake #enhypen heeseung #enhypen sunoo #enhypen sunghoon #enha headcanons #enha fluff #enhypen fluff #enhypen x reader

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911-ls-whats-your-emergency · 18 days

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Has anyone written this season from Tommy’s POV yet?? Because if so please tag me, but in the meantime I just had to outline the crazy sequence of events from his POV:

- Haven’t heard from the 118 in years and suddenly Howie is asking me to fly them into a hurricane

- But also we gotta wait for Hen but you’re gonna need to go get her so we can dramatically surprise her from inside the helicopter

- Can’t believe these losers were actually right and we just found an overturned cruise ship

- Start talking to Eddie in the aftermath and have so much in common, exchange numbers so we can hang out

- A day later Evan Buckley calls the station and asks if he can come by for a tour whenever I’ve got some free time and he seems cool too so why not

- My buddy in Vegas gets awesome tickets to the fight and convinces me to fly out and hey Eddie mentioned he’s into MMA right?

- Evan is super excited about everything but also doesn’t really seem like he’d actually want to switch stations so that’s odd - but hey flying is awesome and I can’t resist a little eye candy so I’ll offer to teach him

- Fight is awesome. Eddie is awesome. New friends are awesome and it’s rare that you have so much in common with someone so we are BFFs now

- Vibes at basketball were strange?? Apparently Evan doesn’t usually play but he shows up and gets really intense and I end up having to take Eddie to get his ankle patched up

- Painkiller!Eddie starts mumbling about how this is all his fault and he knows how Buck gets jealous and….oh now I feel bad

- Let me go to Evan’s place and clear the air - didn’t mean to cause all this drama I just wanted all the new friends

- I might be reading this wrong but Evan is flirting with me…? While also talking about Eddie way too much??

- Okay he is definitely flirting with me but also I am still not convinced he was jealous over me

- But also how can you not kiss a guy like that when he’s flirting with you and then rambling??

- Damn I really hope that was okay because I did not give him a lot of warning

- 😁😁 it was okay

- Gotta get out of here before I get distracted by kissing this man and miss my shift

- But can’t let Evan overthink it too much so make sure I secure a date before I go

- Oops almost forgot I came here to fix what I broke between him and Eddie - one last reminder and we’re good!

- Can’t wait for Saturday…

#buddie #bucktommy #911 abc #911 on fox #evan buckley #tommy kinard #tevan #kinkley

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astranva · 11 months

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Instagram Live

Word Count: 1k

Category: Fluff

Summary: Harry joins his girlfriend’s Instagram live.

There were a lot of labels that people never seemed to like.

There were relationship labels that people fought over, sexuality labels that every media outlet liked to plaster, and scandalous labels that could break a royal’s reputation.

However, your label as Harry’s girlfriend was one that you actually seemed to enjoy.

Harry’s normal girlfriend.

Sure, you were called “Harry Styles’ girlfriend” more times than you were called by your own name ever since you became public three years ago, but if there was anything you felt like you had bragging rights about, it would be that you managed to form a connection with his fans for being yourself, and especially on TikTok.

It came as a surprise to many and most when people caught up to the woman Harry seemed so infatuated with that he was grinning some more, directing sappy lyrics to on stage, and going shopping with at places that weren’t Gucci. You were relatable.

Your TikToks were international treasure, especially ones where you pranked Harry or participated in couple challenges with, so it was no surprise that even your Instagram harbored some following who were instantly excited and urgent to join once they had got the notification.

yourinstagram started a live video. Watch it before it ends!

Clad in a black Pleasing crewneck, hair up in a microfiber towel, your legs were pushed up slightly against your chest as you painted your nails, peaking to see you already had 14,374 viewers.

“Helloooo,” you dragged, smiling once you saw the excited comments coming through.

user1: OMG HEY BESTIE

user2: PLEASING

user3: NO WAY YOU’RE LIVE

user4: hey, y/n! how are you doing?

“I’m doing okay,” you answered, sighing a little, “Just taking a quick break from studying and thought we could have a chat.”

user5: you’re still studying?

user6: OMG SAY HI ANGELA PLS

user7: @/user she’s getting a master’s degree where have u been

user8: do you miss harry?

“Hi Angela,” you smiled, “Yeah, I’m getting my master’s degree. Guys, I literally forgot how awful exams and assignments were because I graduated like, four years ago, so I don’t miss it,” you said, “Do I miss Harry? No, of course not. I don’t know who that is.”

user9: STOP DID THEY BREAK UP?

user10: I hope you’re joking

user11: NOT YALL BELIEVING HER ALKJWKJFH

You chuckled, “Some of you are new here, huh?”

user9: Y/N HARRY IS WATCHING

user12: HARRY

user8: HARRY IS WATCHING WEIFWEFH

harrystyles: Boo. You miss me.

user13: NO FUCKING WAYYYYY

You laughed, “You’re going to break them.”

user2: I CAN’T BREATHE

harrystyles: Oops.

harrystyles: Have you eaten?

user14: PLSSSS I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M SEEING THIS

“Yeah, I-Oh my God, H, I made one the best salads ever. It had chicken, like grilled chicken, and I had bell peppers, corn, lettuce, cherry tomatoes, red beans, onions,” you counted on your fingers, “Then I made this creamy avocado dressing. It was so fucking good.”

user4: share the recipe bestie

harrystyles: Yum. Can’t wait to try it when I see you.

harrystyles: Breakfast?

“Yeah, I had breakfast, too,” you nodded, “Butter toasts and those olives we got from Italy,” you said, “What about you? Are you eating well?”

user5: I can’t believe we’re witnessing this

user15: it’s like they’re on the phone together

user16: I want to sit on a highway

harrystyles: We had tacos! 🌮

You gasped jokingly, “Did you actually eat tacos because I was telling you about how much I’ve been craving them yesterday?”

paulithepsm: Y/NNNNNNN

user7: PAULI IS HERE

harrystyles: Yes. Hehe.

“Pauli!” You grinned, “I missed you too much!” You were beaming before pointing a finger at the screen, “Same doesn’t go for you though, H. I can’t believe you ate tacos without me.”

harrystyles: PAULI

user8: KEHFKWJE CRYING

paulithepsm: HARRY

paulithepsm: I miss my best friend 😭😭

user18: PLS

harrystyles: I’m sorry. I’ll make you tacos when you get here. Promise.

harrystyles: Show me your nails.

You showed your freshly painted nails to the screen, “Some Citrico Vibrante Cremoso greens,” you showed them off, “Buy Pleasing,” you teased, “Or find more affordable dupes, babes.”

user6: PLSSSS SHE’S SO REAL FOR THAT

harrystyles: I’ll match with you.

“You can wait until I come. I’ll paint them for you,” you said.

harrystyles: OKAY ❤

user3: HE’S SO CUTE

user10: THE EMOJIS HE'S SO REAL

jeffazoff: Come get your man. He’s a pain.

You laughed, “Aw come on, Jeff. He’s not too bad. You just need to cuddle him and feed him.”

harrystyles: Agreed.

harrystyles: Jeff, don’t cuddle me.

user19: KEUDUEWFKHJ PLS

jeffazoff: I wasn’t planning on it 🙄 I’m waiting for Y/N to come and do that

“I leave you for two weeks and now you’re about to kill each other,” you sighed, “Hey, before I forget, can you tell Lamby that I’ve been trying to send him my final thoughts about the outfit but it won’t get to him for some reason?”

harry_lambert: My phone’s been acting up, babe. Send it on email! 🖤

user20: I just want to be her

harrystyles: I love your outfit.

“Okay, Lamby, will do,” you said before giggling, standing up and backing away a little to show the Pleasing crewneck and the baggy green sweatpants you were wearing, “Oh yeah? What do you think?” You put a hand to your hip before pretending to flick back your hair, “My boyfriend got me that sweatshirt,” you pointed at it, “And these are his sweatpants,” you pointed again, “Hair by me, nails by me but using my boyfriend’s nail polish,” you said, wiggling your fingers before approaching your phone again, “He’s kind of a big deal.”

user6: PLSS WHY IS THIS SO CUTE

user7: she’s so cute

harrystyles: He’s so fucking lucky.

You giggled, cupping your hand around your mouth, “Harry Styles just cursed on live,” you whispered.

user18: LMFAOOOOO

user21: “he’s so fucking lucky” I DIED BYE

jeffazoff: Scandalous

harrystyles: OH FUCK

harrystyles: 😎

You laughed, “This is some content your fans will absolutely go feral over,” you said, “I need to go now.”

harrystyles: Call me?

user20: I’m not okay

You nodded, “I’ll call you right after I end that thing. Bye, guys! Talk to you later!”

#harry styles imagine #harry styles x reader #harry styles #harry styles fic #harry styles fluff imagine #harry styles one shot #harry styles fluff one shot #harry styles blurb #harry styles fluff blurb

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wileys-russo · 4 months

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like a dumb rom com (2) II kyra cooney-cross x catley!reader

final piece of writing from me in 2023 besties! have a safe and happy new years eve x like a dumb rom com (2) II kyra cooney-cross x catley!reader

"well good morning little mrs cooney-cross." you bumped into teyah who was leaving as you arrived, passing one another in the hall as you gave her a playful shove.

"shut up!" you rolled your eyes, chatting with her for a few minutes before parting ways as she headed down to the carpark and you off toward the apartment she shared with kyra.

"waiting for me are we, bit eager?" you teased seeing your girlfriend already leaning in the open doorframe as a grin broke out on her face and she pushed her phone back in her pocket.

"nah i'm actually waiting for my thursday girlfriend. you're friday through monday, remember?" kyra smirked as you punched her shoulder and she pulled you inside, lips on yours as the door was kicked closed behind her.

"kyra lillee!" you shouted forty five minutes later, the brunette yelling back from the kitchen as she filled up your water bottles for training. "come here!" you shouted again with a huff as she appeared in the doorway of the bathroom behind you with a raised eyebrow.

"look what you did!" you moved your hair out of the way and pointed accusingly to your neck, frown deepening at the amused smile which curled onto your girlfriends lips as her eyes roamed over the hickies littering the right side of your neck.

"oops?" the younger girl smiled innocently as you mumbled under your breath. "do you have concealer?" you questioned as she shook her head and bit her bottom lip. "not in your shade babe."

"kyra!" you groaned, hands gripping the sink as your head fell forward to press against the mirror. "in my defence you didn't exactly stop me." the midfielder pressed herself into your back as you shrugged her off. "not helping!"

"we could swing past yours sometime between coffee, breakfast and training? you have concealer right?" kyra stepped past and pulled herself to sit up on the sink. "well yeah but steph will be there, and there's no chance she doesn't notice these. she notices when i've got my shinpads on the wrong feet." you sighed, letting out another groan.

"mm i could distract her? let you dart inside, just say you forgot your boots or something." your girlfriend suggested, poking you with her foot as you swatted it away.

"i'm not you ky i don't forget things." you had to let out a smile as she kicked you again. "i'm sorry baby, really. forgive me?" she jumped down and grabbed your hips, pulling your body into hers with a pout.

"only because i can't stay mad at that stupidly cute face of yours."

"so we go in, you distract her, i go to my room and cover them and we leave asap." you recounted as you pulled up outside the house, parking on the curb as to not alert her to your presence right away.

"kyra!" you smacked her when she didn't respond, pulling her head out of the clouds. "right! yes sorry, good plan babe." your girlfriend zoned back in, the two of you getting out of the car and heading up the driveway.

the first hurdle came when you were too slow grabbing your keys out, hearing someone start to unlock the door from the other side as kyra quickly yanked your hood over your head and you hurried to fix your hair.

"hi?" you gave a small sigh of relief seeing it was dean who opened the door, pushing past him and making a beeline for your room. "hey what-" you heard steph as you zoomed past her, ducking under her arm and into your room, kicking the door closed.

"i thought you left already?" you heard your sister call out, kyra making quick work to engage her in conversation as you hunted around for your concealer.

"of course when i need it i can't fucking find it." you grumbled to yourself as you fussed about in your makeup bag, finally pulling it out from the bottom. "fucking kyra." you mumbled to yourself again as you tugged your hood off.

"little leech." you huffed, hearing her laughter ring out from the living room followed by stephs annoyed groans about something she'd likely said to wind your sister up, a skill that never seemed to be out of stock for your girlfriend.

making quick time to cover them up as best as you could you nodded at the job, grabbing one of your textbooks off your desk and opening the door. "ky lets go!" you called out, the brunette detaching herself from steph.

"you're such a pest! no wonder the two of you are thick as thieves, both just as irritating as one another." steph groaned shoving the girls head to the side who grinned. "why the rush back?" your sister questioned, grabbed your arm as you tried to duck past her again.

"forgot this. need to study today!" you smiled holding up your textbook and grabbing kyra. "didn't you already have your sociology exam?" steph questioned with a frown, crossing her arms as you struggled to think of a response.

"some chapters are relevant in her next exam, crossover stuff yanno!" kyra chirped slinging an arm over your shoulder and turning the two of you toward the door.

"well well look whose rubbing off on her little best mate, you gonna hit the books too ky?" steph teased, leaning in the doorway with a smirk as the two of you headed down the driveway.

"i may just surprise you yet stephanie!" kyra yelled over her shoulder with a grin, though your sister wasn't yet to know just how surprising kyra really could be.

"come with me please." you whined as caitlin grabbed your bicep, steering you away from the change rooms as everyone else headed for the cafeteria. "cait i'm starving!" you groaned as she tugged you into one of the recovery rooms.

"so you've told steph about you and kyra then?" the older girl questioned with a raised eyebrow, crossing her arms as you gave her a strange look. "no. why do i look like i've been yelled at today?" you grinned but it quickly faded at her lack of joining in.

"well you might want to consider it because she is definitely going to notice those and have questions."

"shit!" you cursed as caitlin pointed to your neck and you grabbed out your phone camera which confirmed your worries. you'd admittedly forgotten all about the little marks from this morning and with a media session upcoming a lot of the girls had showered in between training and lunch, yourself included.

"its not funny!" you groaned as caitlin finally broke her stern facade and doubled over with a laugh. "foordy help!" you whined, wincing a little as you poked the angry marks and cursing your girlfriend under your breath.

"just put a hoodie on and sit far away from steph. then maybe say your prayers?" the older girl laughed, ruffling your hair and leaving the room as you trudged after her, darting into the change rooms again to grab a hoodie.

you let out a yell as someone grabbed you and shouted boo, the all too familiar laughter which followed having you roll your eyes and shove her away. "you're such a child." you shook your head grabbing your hoodie.

"weren't saying that this morning were we babe?" kyra grinned, glancing around before her hands settled on your cheeks and she pulled you in for a kiss, unable to stop the smile which formed as you did.

"oh well hello!" you jumped apart from each other with bright red faces, heads whipping around to meet the amused gazes of vic and alessia. "will you two be coming for lunch or just eating each others faces?" vic smirked as alessia chuckled beside her.

"don't tell steph." you warned the two older girls who waved it off, stating they'd 'known for ages' and pulling the two of you away with them, all four of you falling into conversation.

following caitlins advice you dragged your friends to sit with you as far away from your sister as you could who gratefully was too busy goofing off with jen and beth to notice you..

though that peace of course didn't last.

"stop!" you whispered, ghost of a smile on your face as kyras hand wandered up your leg, teasingly pinching and poking at your skin as instead the two of you resorted to playing footsies.

"oi!" katie scowled turning around as kyra kicked the back of her chair, pointing to you as katie smacked your leg and you glared at your girlfriend who quickly kissed your cheek and gave you a grin, your elbow nudging into her side as jonas continued to talk.

"do you wanna hang out this arvo?" kyra murmured, grabbing your hand in hers and hiding it in her lap as you smiled. "i have to study, one more exam remember?" you whispered back as she pouted and you shook your head, turning back to the screen with a smile, the two of you still tapping and kicking one another as time went by.

it was at the end of the media session where things started to go a little pear shaped, the lights turning on and kyra quickly dropping your hand, but you failed to see your sisters narrowed eyes a few rows back.

dismissed for the day everyone wasted no time collecting their stuff and heading off, most in small groups or pairs as carpooling was a popular option among the team.

"steph!" you yelped as your sister grabbed you, pulling you back into the room by your hood as everyone else headed out. "what the hell is that on your neck?" you paled at her firm glare, warning you out of anything that wasn't the truth.

"nothing! i burnt myself with the straightener." you rolled your eyes and tried to leave but she held a firm grip on you which you couldn't break. "yeah bullshit. i wasn't born yesterday those are hickies, who gave them to you?" steph asked with a glare as you struggled to pull away.

"none of your business, get off!" you huffed, wrenching yourself free and storming off. "have you got a secret girlfriend or something?" your sister scoffed, grabbing the back of your hoodie as you pushed her away.

"just leave it steph! its nothing." you rolled your eyes, her questions following you into the change rooms as you ignored her. "oi! mum and dad made me promise to look after you, you're too young to be seeing someone." steph cornered you by your cubby as you rolled your eyes and a few of the girls looked over curiously.

"i'm twenty one fucking years old steph i'm not a baby and if i want to get a hickey off someone? i'll get a hickey." you grabbed your bag and shoved past her, ignoring the ooh's from beth who fell silent at a firm look from steph.

thankfully she didn't follow after you and with kyra grabbing a lift home with teyah you wasted no time driving off and heading home, determined to get there and lock yourself away before your sister returned home to no doubt continue the argument.

sure enough you weren't even ten minutes into studying, hauled up in your room with snacks and water that you heard her footsteps thump down the hall. you didn't even have dean as a buffer given he was at his own training this afternoon.

with a roll of your eyes you slipped your headphones on, purposefully pretending you didn't notice when your door swung open and calvin bounded in as you gave him a scratch and gently pushed him off your bed.

"what?" you huffed as your sister yanked your headphones off, holding them out of your reach as you tried to take them back. "who gave them to you?" steph asked, copping a filthy glare as she stretched taller and continued to hold your headphones away.

"none of your business and the more you ask me the more pissed off you're gonna get me stephanie." you warned seriously, snatching your headphones back as she lowered them slightly. "i need to study." you spoke bluntly, pulling them back on and sitting back down at your desk with your back turned.

steph watched on warily with words in the back of her throat before she decided it wasn't worth it, and when you glanced over your shoulder a few moments later the door was closed and she was nowhere to be seen.

with your sister not reappearing for a few hours you used the time to zone in on your studies, your phone sitting on do not disturb on your bed you missed the messages from both your girlfriend and your teammates checking in.

eventually you looked up from your textbook with tired eyes and realised it had gone dark outside. dropping your highlighter and closing your laptop you stretch your back over your chair and sigh in relief as it cracks a few times.

pulling your headphones down around your neck you roll your chair back toward your bed and grab your phone, sighing at the multitude of notifications, too tired to reply to anyone bar kyra.

you noticed two missed calls from your mum and frown checking the time in melbourne realising she'd likely have headed to bed now. sending her a few messages in apology explaining you were studying and would call her first thing tomorrow you slipped your phone into the pocket of your hoodie and stood.

again stretching out your cramped limbs your eyes scan over your planner, plucking off a few different sticky notes with a satisfied nod. your final exam isn't until monday and with the match on saturday you know you at least have tomorrow and sunday free to try and cram in the rest.

though this exam was your last it also happened to be the most content heavy, and though the reward of five weeks off loomed ever closer you knew you had one final push until you hit the finish line.

"done for tonight?" you jumped not having even heard your door open, glancing over to see your sister lingering in the entrance. "yeah. i've still got tomorrow and sunday, i think if i read another word its just going to go in one ear and out the other." you sighed running your finger down what you had left to revise.

"is that how it works when you read something?" you looked up to meet stephs amused smile, but seeing the look in her eyes you know it was as close to an olive branch as you were going to get.

"yeah wouldn't expect you to understand, its hard being the smart one." you quipped back with a smile seeing steph relax a little at your response. "come on, dinners done and calvin misses you." steph spoke with a nod down the hall.

"no dean?" you asked seeing as there was only two bowls of food dished up on the kitchen counter. "out with his team. which means we can watch big brother without his running commentary!" steph grinned handing you a fork as you grabbed the bowl of curry.

"this is so scripted, there is no way someones that dumb!" you mocked his voice. "nah why is she crying? shes doing it for the cameras!" steph joined in, the two of you taking a seat on the lounge with a laugh as steph flicked on big brother.

"hey." you looked over to her a couple of hours later, the two of you now watching a premier league match as calvin slept with his head in your lap, bowls of dinner long washed up and finished. "mm?" you hummed looking back to the tv and groaning as man city scored.

"i'm really proud of you."

"for what?" you frowned at her as she rolled her eyes at your defensive response. "juggling everything. uni, football, living in another country, media commitments, sponsors. it's a lot, but somehow you seem to be managing and thats very admirable!" your sister complimented with a soft smile as you pulled a face.

"you're so weird steph." you shook your head, scratching behind calvins ears as the older girl scoffed. "i'm being nice! that was a very nice thing to say!" she defended with a scowl. "well stop being nice its weird! makes me uncomfortable." you grumbled, never having been great at taking compliments.

"say thank you and tell me you love me." your sister demanded as now you scoffed, ignoring her request and focusing on the tv. "say it!" steph demanded, kicking you as you remained quiet.

"stephanie get off!" you yelled as suddenly her body crash tackled into yours, poor calvin diving off the lounge and moving toward his bed to avoid the squabble.

"you might be bigger now but i'm still older." steph grunted as you struggled to push her off, your arms eventually pinned under her knees as she sat on top of you.

"what are you twelve? get off!" you whined, squriming beneath her and trying to buck her taller frame off without any luck. "no. say thank you and tell me you love me!" your sister ordered, fingers digging into your ribs as you squealed.

"you've very comfortable and you're only making this harder for yourself." steph sighed pressing more of her weight down on top of you as you wheezed slightly. "fine! thank you, love you." you huffed with a roll of your eyes.

"like ya mean it!" steph scoffed in offence, crossing her arms and glaring down at you as you let out a heavy exhale. "thank you for your kind words stephanie, i love you."

"sorry couldn't hear you, bit louder?" "steph!"

"i love you too peanut." your sister cooed getting off of you though not before tightly squeezing your cheeks and shaking your head side to side. "i wish i was adopted." you mumbled with a huff, both of settling back into your previous positions.

"i already told you, we can arrange that if you like?"

"ky!" you grunted as she launched herself onto your back, arms locking around your neck and subtly kissing your cheek as you shifted her, continuing about with your lap. "people are going to take videos of this." you sighed knowingly.

"when do they not?" your girlfriend challenged though she slid off of you anyway, falling into step as katie and caitlin appeared on your other side. the four of you conversing about the game you watched with an amused smile as kyra yanked caitlins hair out of its bun and sprinted off, the older girl racing after her.

"so." katies arm slipped over your shoulder and you sighed giving her a look. "you gonna tell your sister about the two of ya then?" katie asked with a smile as you groaned. "not you too! your girlfriends already onto me about it and you saw how she reacted to the hickies." you huffed defensively, turning away so no one could possibly read your lips.

"which is exactly why ya gotta tell her! the longer ya leave it the worse it'll be because you didn't tell her." katie lectured and you sighed knowing there was some truth to her words. "its not that easy! she's insanely overbearing and overprotective, she won't take it well."

"you're twenty one years old catley, whats she gonna do? ground ya?" katie teased as you shoved her playfully. "i do still live with her." you reminded as katie shrugged. "so move out then!"

"let me guess, you can't?" the irishwoman smiled knowingly as you struggled to come up with a response and you looked up as kyra called you over. "seriously though, tell her!" katie squeezed you before heading off for the change rooms as you caught up with kyra and teyah.

"you coming over for dinner? teyahs cooking!" your girlfriend grinned as your friend rolled her eyes. "you're welcome to. we're ordering in!" teyah corrected smacking kyra as the two of them pushed and shoved one another making you chuckle.

"as much as i do enjoy free front row seats to your roomie wrestling matches, i have to study." you reminded as kyra groaned going limp in teyahs arms. "i'm losing to a stack of paper, some pens and sticky notes, unbelievable!" your girlfriend complained as teyah shoved her off and wandered into the change rooms.

"come on. just for dinner? then i'll drive you home. or i can help you study?" she offered eagerly with a smile, practically bouncing on the balls of her feet as you smiled and moved a strand of hair out of her face.

"no you can't." you shook your head as kyra groaned again, slumping into the wall with a pout. "that won't work. my final exam is on monday ky and i have so much content to cover before then." you sighed apologetically, tugging her bottom lip out from her teeth.

"tomorrow?" "studying." "you can take a break! i'll take you out for breakfast, lunch, dinner, a snack, just a drive, anything!" "as sweet as you are, i can't ky."

"can you hear that?" kyra questioned as you frowned, shaking your head. "thats my heart slowly cracking." your girlfriend sighed deeply tapping her chest as you punched her in the arm. "you're supposed to be supportive!" you shook your head with a laugh.

"i am! i'm supporting your health and well being by encouraging you don't burn yourself out and you take breaks in between your studies!" "mmm a likely story cooney-cross. come on!"

with that you linked arms with her and dragged her into the change rooms.

"here she is! the scholar herself!"

you laughed as you exited the building, feeling about a tonne lighter now you knew your exam was over and you had five weeks off from your studies.

you still had a whole host of commitments including international break so it was hardly 'time off' but it meant your list of things to juggle grew just that little bit shorter for the time being.

"you didn't need to do this you know?" you grinned as your sister handed you a bouquet of flowers, having requested she get the day off training to chauffeur you to your final exam which jonas was fine with.

"course we did. this is a victory for us too you know? no more sticky notes all over the house to pick up, no more stress head by the minute schedule to navigate, no more late nights helping you revise-" dean tugged you into a hug and ruffled your hair having come along in support.

"excuse me you didn't do any of that mate, that was all me!" steph scoffed punching him in the arm and pulling you into a hug as dean grabbed your flowers for you so they wouldn't be squished. "so so so proud of you peanut." you couldn't help but smile despite the nickname you detested.

"i appreciate all the support, really." you mumbled into her shoulder before you broke apart, starting the walk back to the car. "i don't know how you do it, just reading your planner gives me a headache." dean whistled as he fished out the keys.

"breathing and walking at the same time gives you a headache." you grinned, ducking behind your sister as he swung at you playfully and slipped into the drivers seat.

"oh yes!" you exhaled happily seeing the bagged up food waiting for you on the backseat as you closed your door. "all your favourites." steph chuckled as you eagerly pulled out the first box and a fork, the three of you chattering as dean drove out of camden and back toward st albans.

"does this mean we can have a celebratory bonfire and burn all your books?" dean grinned wolfishly as you parked in the driveway. "no you meat head i still have a year of study left to do after this." you laughed as steph rolled her eyes.

"and we don't burn books!" she shoved her fiance who held his hands up in defence. "and when exactly was the last time you even opened let alone read a book, stephanie?" dean challenged, sprinting off toward the front door as steph raced after him and you shook your head with a smile.

balancing your bag, flowers and leftover food in hand you made your way up after them, almost stacking it up the stairs as you caught your footing and exhaled, stepping inside.

rounding the corner you were met with an almighty cheer and this time you did fall to the floor, landing on your ass with a wince as your face burnt bright red and lia hurried to help you up.

"what the hell?" you grinned in surprise seeing nearly the entire team packed into the living room, half sitting on top of one another as streamers and balloons decorated the walls.

"we all wanted to celebrate you and your achievements." steph smiled, taking your food and flowers for you. "i haven't graduated yet!" you laughed as music switched on and you made your way around the room greeting all the girls.

"i'm just gonna chuck my stuff in my room." you notified steph who nodded and fell back into conversation with some of the others. no sooner had you shut your door did a foot kick it back open as a body slid in behind you and it closed with a soft click.

"hello lover!" the midfielder grinned wofishly and you laughed as she tackled you down onto your bed, attacking every inch of your face with soft kisses. "ky!" you managed to get out, your stomach starting to hurt from laughing as she hovered over you.

"did anyone see you come in here?" "nah i was super stealthy, im like a spy babe."

"i am also very very very proud of you, and now you're free!" your girlfriend cheered and you jolted as she pulled a party popper from her back pocket and let it off with a bang, streamers raining down on top of the pair of you.

"well for five weeks." "hey don't spoil this for me!" "oh for you? so sorry baby, how selfish of me." "exactly! horridly mean girl you are, very hot though so it balances out i guess."

"shut up and let someone else have the last word for once would you?" you smiled grabbing her shirt in your hand and tugging her mouth down to properly meet with yours.

"i missed you so much." kyra mumbled out as your hands tangled in her hair and she shifted, laying down beside you as her hands moved to the small of your back pulling your body flush into hers.

"its been three days!" you chuckled in between kisses. "i know! nearly killed me." she retorted, sending you a cheeky grin before pressing her lips back to your own, the two of you making up for lost time.

"we should really get ba-" but your words fell short as your girlfriend took your bottom lip between her teeth, dragging it down teasingly before pressing your mouths together again in a feverish kiss.

in reflection, kyra really really wished she let you finish your sentence.

"hey peanut we're ordering pizza what do you-" your door swung open as you pushed yourself away from kyra but it was much to late as stephs eyes widened and caitlin peeked over her shoulder with a grimace.

"steffy-" you started as you and kyra sat up, caitlin motioning to your shirt from behind your sisters back as your eyes glanced down and you hurriedly pulled it back down where it had ridden up, kyra doing her best to smooth out her hair from where your hands had been tangled through it.

"kyra go to the living room please." her words were deathly calm and that almost made it worse, your girlfriend looking at you then back to your sister whose eyes burned a hole in your head.

"go, its fine." you whispered, squeezing her hand as she nodded, still looking unsure as she stood. kyra hesitated as she tried to move past steph who adjusted her stance to block the doorway, looking the younger girl up and down wordlessly before moving out of the way as kyra scurried off.

"steph look i can-" you started quietly, stopping in your tracks at the look sent your direction. "hey maybe leave it for now, the whole teams here steph." caitlin stepped in, grabbing your sisters wrist who glanced between the two of you.

"you knew already, didn't you." she directed the words toward caitlin though never broke her hard stare toward you as caitlin sighed, the lack of answer the only answer steph needed.

"we'll talk about this once everyones left, get out of your room." and with that she was gone, striding off back down the hallway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

part 3?

#kyra cooney cross x reader #kyra cooney cross #woso #woso blurbs #woso imagine #woso fanfics #woso x reader #woso community #steph catley x reader #steph catley #awfc x reader

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wheeboo · 6 months

Text

06:43pm | kim mingyu

SYNOPSIS. in which you ask your sleepy husband the *most* important question in the world. PAIRING. husband!kim mingyu x gn!reader GENRE. fluff, tiny bit suggestive at the end, established relationship WARNINGS. kissing, terms of endearment, implied that he’s um shirtless WORD COUNT. 916

"Gyu?"

Mingyu stirs slightly right next to you, and you would think he would open his eyes up to his name, but he doesn't. You see the way he falls back into his napping state, and it makes you chuckle softly. Reaching a careful finger out, you faintly trace the line of his cheekbone, mapping out to the mole to his cheek, while relishing the soft warmth of his skin beneath your touch.

You notice a faint smile quivering of his lips from your feather-light touch. It's a heartwarming sight, knowing that even in his dreams, he seems content, peaceful. However, your gentle touch eventually awakens him from his slumber, and he shifts once more, this time more noticeably.

With a soft groan, his eyes slowly flutter open, gaze meeting yours, and he manages a tired, yet affectionate smile, hands coming to grab at the sheets to cover over his bare upper body. Your finger is still tracing down his jawline, and he shivers with a pleasant shudder at your touch.

"Hi," You greet him softly.

"Hey," he mumbles with half-lidded eyes, voice still husky from the long nap.

"I have a question for you," You tell him, keeping your tone serious. "It's very important, and I want you to be fully, one-hundred percent honest with me right now."

He yawns, letting his arms stretch as he lets out a deep breath, before encircling back around you and pulling you closer to him. You watch the way his sleepy grin transforms into a contented smile as he holds you close, feeling the way his chest rises and falls with each breath that left those pretty lips of his.

"M’kay," he responds quietly.

There's a playful glint in your eyes that he swears he sees, but he's too tired to fully register it and way too comfortable to say anything more, so he just watches you in anticipation.

You lean in closer, voice dropping to a whisper.

"Do you think I'm pretty?"

Mingyu's drowsy gaze meets yours, and he blinks slowly and furrows his brows together, as if he's processing the question like he's hearing it for the first time, or like a puzzle he has to put together in his sleepy mind. You swear you could see the way the question bounces around in his half-awake thoughts, playing in his brain like a delightful riddle.

"Sweetheart," he murmurs. "we're married."

He's right, of course. His words hang in the air for a moment, and then a knowing smile spreads across your face, realising how absurd it may seem to ask such a question after all this time together, but you know you just asked for his reaction. You can't help but burst into a fit of giggles at his groggy yet utterly adorable state. Mingyu only blinks at your laughter, looking momentarily puzzled before a small smile crosses his lips.

"Oops," You quip teasingly. "I guess I forgot."

He pouts exaggeratingly at this, and not just a pout, but a pout pout. "How could you forget that?"

His sulky expression tugs endearingly at your heartstrings. You reach out to gently cup his cheek apologetically, your thumb brushing over his lower lip.

"Aw, my sweet baby," You coo amusingly. "I didn't forget, I promise. I'm just teasing, and I love hearing it from you."

Even if you've been married for years now, the way his cheeks flush a soft pink at your words, and the way his eyes light up with adoration, makes your heart flutter just as it did when you were just young, dumb, and in love. There's something about hearing those reminders that yes, you are married𑁋you married the love of your life, the same man who you've been pining for since the moment you laid eyes on him and who still makes your heart skip a beat after all these years.

The journey from strangers to friends, to dating, to finally saying "I do" had been filled with ups and downs, but it was a journey you wouldn't trade a single second of it for anything in the world, all because it led you to this exact moment.

"Hmm, you better not forget ever," he warns, letting out a faux grumble, but you notice the corners of his lips are fighting back a smile. You know he can never stay mad for long, especially when you tease him like this. "or I'd have to remind you every day."

I wouldn't mind that, You think, chuckling softly before leaning in to plant a loving kiss on his pouty lips, which seems to melt away any lingering sleepiness surrounding him instantly. I wouldn't mind that at all.

When you press another kiss to his lips, he responds by deepening it almost naturally, his strong arms coming to wrap around you more tightly. You feel the way he smiles under the kiss, the warmth of his body enveloping you completely. And when you feel his fingers start to dance along your back, you let out let out a soft, breathy sigh against his lips, and there's a smirk that forms at his mouth from the response he elicits from you.

His lips part from yours, and he trails a line of soft kisses along your jawline, each one causing your heartbeat to quicken. He nuzzles his face against your neck, peppering it with affectionate kisses that make you lightly giggle, before coming to the sensitive spot behind your ear.

"And you're not just pretty, honey," he whispers between kisses, warm breath caressing against your skin, and you tilt your head back slightly to grant him more access. "You're goddamn breathtaking."

taglist (open) ʚɞ @enhazen @haowrld @icyminghao @slytherinshua @jeonride @lockburn-castle @vrnism @weird-bookworm @mhlsymlysn @ryuwonieebae @yeonjuns-redhair @wonwooz1 @woohaeyo

#kflixnet #k-labels #caratsland #seventeen imagines #seventeen fluff #seventeen x reader #seventeen fic #mingyu imagines #mingyu fluff #mingyu x reader #mingyu fic #kim mingyu imagines #kim mingyu fluff #kim mingyu x reader #kim mingyu fic #svt imagines #svt fluff #svt x reader #svt fic

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hannyoontify · 9 months

Text

how your relationship with seventeen was revealed

warnings | reader wears nail art for minghao's part

notes | reader is also an idol, kinda unrealistic in some parts but whatever js let me have this one LMAO, not proofread

seungcheol – an interview

he thought it was high time to reveal your relationship to the world. after (a lot of) discussing with you and receiving your permission, he mentioned you during an interview for a magazine shoot. the question was smth around the lines of "what do you do when you have a particularly bad day" and cheol casually said "i go to [name] for comfort. they're a really special person to me and always cheer me up whenever i'm feeling down. i'm lucky to have them." with an absolute love sick smile.

safe to say, twitter almost crashed after that interview was released and you confirmed it on a livestream js a couple days later. (both pledis and your company were not happy but fuck them)

jeonghan – your hair color

your company's very big on self-expression when it came to physical appearance, so they never forced a hairstyle / makeup / clothes on you or your members. you were free to dye your hair however you wished, and you mostly kept it natural. until you met jeonghan. a couple months into your relationship with him, jeonghan came up with the idea of matching hair colors. he often had to dye his hair for comebacks, and instead of dying your entire head, he suggested that you would only get a single, visible strand of hair dyed in the same shade. you loved the idea and no one really noticed, not even your own company, until a eagle-eyed carat pointed it out on tiktok. the entire kpop community knew you and jeonghan were close since you both guest mc-ed together before and one of your members were close with seungcheol. and it seemed legit. the entire internet blew up and it even became a trend among couples. your companies both released a statement just a few weeks later, confirming the allegations.

joshua – his podcast w/ vernon

there was a question sector of the podcast he hosted with vernon where carats could submit questions via twitter and he and vernon would answer them. he saw a question that asked about their thoughts on your group's most recent comeback, and vernon managed to sneak in a few praises, complimenting the composition of one of the bsides before shua began a word vomit of praise, specifically for you. he complimented how much you improved since the last comeback and how good you looked in the music video, the teaser photos, the most recent stage, basically everything. he was so busy talking that he didn't notice the massive side-eye vernon was giving him and once he stopped talking, joshua physically slapped a hand over his mouth because oops.

no worries though, you thought it was funny and thought it was high time that the two of you revealed your relationship. joshua got clowned for it a lot though, especially by vernon.

junhui – instagram

the two of you tried your best to time your posts so nothing seems suspicious. for almost a year, your pictures from cat cafe dates to museum dates and late park dates went unnoticed by fans. that is, until your group went to japan recently for a short trip for promotions and jun tagged along since he had no schedules for 2-3 days. you found a cute convenience store during a late night walk with him and took pictures. some on your own, some of only him, and some together. except this time, the two of you forgot to talk beforehand and you both posted the photos on the same night.

your manager scolded you for being so careless, but truth be told he didn't actually care. he thought it was funny and only had a word with you because as your manager, he had to. (he already knew beforehand and thought you guys looked super cute together)

hoshi – seungkwan

you and hoshi were having a movie date night but you guys weren't particularly in the mood to actually watch a movie so the two of you just fucked around the whole night, prank calling different members to see how they would react and watching instagram reels (because hoshi swears by them and thinks they're better than 'that stupid clock app'). (the funniest reaction you got so far was mingyu, who was half asleep when you facetimed him and asked him if his refrigerator was running. when he responded with a groggy 'yes', hoshi said that he better go catch it and mingyu actually dropped his phone to go catch it.) the next victim was seungkwan, who you didn't know was doing a weverse at the same time. when seungkwan received the incoming facetime call from hoshi, he grinned and decided to accept the call by showing the camera his phone screen. what he didn't expect was to see hoshi's arm wrapped around you and his chin tucked onto your chin when he answered the call.

when seungkwan accepted the call, the first thing you saw was a reflection of you and hoshi, and you recognized the familiar flow of comments flying past the unfamiliar phone screen at an incredible speed. you dropped hoshi's phone in sheer panic and glanced over at your boyfriend who looked as equally panicked, his jaw basically reaching the floor. poor seungkwan began fumbling for a random excuse but it was too late now. the cat (tiger) was out of the bag.

wonwoo – via the company

wonwoo never thought there was a point in hiding your relationship from the public. he was with the person he loved and what a few jobless netizens had to say about your relationship wouldn't change that. after a couple months of 'testing the waters' and seeing how far the two of you would commit to the relationship, wonwoo just straight up went to the ceo of pledis and went 'yo i'm dating [name] from [group name] and you can't stop me' (with your permission of course, and you did the same thing) after a lot of discussion with both your ceo's, the companies agreed to simultaneously release a statement to the public about your relationship with wonwoo.

woozi – his lyrics

we all know woozi projects everything that's going on in his life through his song lyrics. yk those posts where people are like "i need someone to break bruno mars' heart again" bc his breakup songs are so good? it's like that. the latest seventeen comeback is FILLED TO THE BRIM with love songs and everyone and their mother is like "what the fuck is going on" because woozi's written love songs before but not like this??? the lyrics seem so much more deeper and personal, and the listener can almost feel woozi's heart and soul being poured into the lyrics and melody. woozi personally denied anything on a weverse live but people caught on once he released a mixtape of a love song and the lyrics contained a physical description of a person that was a little too similar to you.

minghao – books (and nail art)

minghao likes reading books. you like reading books. that doesn't mean you're dating, right? so many people in the world love to read books, that doesn't automatically make you lovers, right? ... right, except you read and post about the same books minghao reads and recommends to carats. even then, that could've been a coincidence, right? you just have similar taste in books.

wrong. you made a silly mistake of saying on a live how all your favorite books were recommended by a super close friend that you held dear to your heart. still, you can just be friends with minghao, right? wrong again because fans noticed that you had matching nail art with minghao's, the signature 8/infinity sign on your nails. there was no point in being in denial any longer.

mingyu – instagram

another silly little mistake. he recently came back from a trip with just you and him, and naturally, he wanted to upload some photos to instagram for his lovely fans to foam at the mouth scream over (he knows the power he holds). he was lying in bed (next to you), ready for bed as he scrolled through chose different photos to upload. what he didn't realize was that he had also clicked on a photo of you and him kissing in the dark, under a streetlight. it was a classic, romantic kiss. his hand was resting on your lower back, your arms wrapped around his neck as he dipped you, your leg held up by his other hand. almost immediately after posting, mingyu set down his phone and went to sleep in your arms.

the next morning, he woke up to about 56 missed calls from his manager, a BUNCH of weverse notifications, and 300+ messages from the seventeen group chat (that came back to life for the first time in almost a month and it wasn't js seungcheol talking to himself)

dokyeom – weverse live

dokyeom is surprisingly not shy when it comes to his relationship with you. after a few serious discussions, the two of you ventured out to the streets of seoul in broad daylight, your hand tightly entwined in his own, but no tabloid or news outlet seemed to catch whiff of it. dokyeom was frustrated because he wanted to show you off to the world, tell everyone that he was yours and you were his, but no one was bothering to expose it. so he decided to take this matter into his own hands. after receiving permission from both companies, he started a weverse live–with you. the two of you sat side by side, awkwardly waiting for more and more viewers to enter the livestream. obviously the entire internet went insane when dokyeom held his hand in yours and said with a proud smile that the two of you were dating and would appreciate all the love and support. and the internet officially lost it when he pressed a kiss to your cheek, which made you blush intensely.

it was cute, and even his manager–who was sitting behind the phone–was smiling as he watched the two of you together.

seungkwan – an entertainment show

similar to joshua. a couple members from your group were guests on a show that seungkwan was a regular cast of to promote your upcoming comeback, and of course they already knew that you were dating him. before the recording, they were teasing him (they're all already very close) and kept mentioning your name, which made seungkwan turn into a bright red tomato. during the recording, when it was time to promote your group's most recent comeback, your group members stood in the center of the room and gave a little sneak peek to the choreo of the title track, which seungkwan followed to with on the side (people didn't notice this until the airing of that episode–and an fyi, this was before their official comeback). and when the time came to the talk about the production process, seungkwan immediately began to ramble about how much you improved on your live singing and how proud he was of you. he also talked about how you talked to him about how much you struggled with the change of concept and how you pushed through those hard trials. he also couldn't forget about how good you looked and how the concept change looked really good on you and the new makeup look accentuated your eye color. at the end of his very long speech, seungkwan realized what he just did and sank into his chair with his bright red face buried into his hands.

vernon – vernon being vernon

vernon did a vernon and randomly revealed it on a weverse live, almost giving his poor manager a heart attack. he was reading through the comments when he randomly said 'by the way, i'm dating [name] from [group name]' HIS POOR MANAGER. HAD A MINI HEART ATTACK BEFORE TURNING OFF THE LIVE IN A PANIC. the following day, pledis released a statement, confirming vernon's impromptu confession.

dino – dispatch

my poor boy was the only one who fell victim to dispatch 😭 he was so careful not to get caught because he didn't want you to receive any backlash. specifically went on dates later in the day so the two of you wouldn't be as easily recognized, trying to stay home as much as possible, covering up as much as you both could. but eventually, dispatch caught the two of you hugging at the entrance of the hybe building at 11 pm. first, weird. why were they watching you guys at 11 pm. second, seungcheol was so relieved that the secret was finally out because he was running out of excuses as to why dino was almost never at home anymore.

reblogs and feedback is always appreciated ^-^

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kanmom51 · 5 months

Text

Came here for a bitch rant

Because I could and because I wanted to.

I'm going to say this.

Now that the cat is out of the bag, now that we all know that JM and JK are enlisting together, going to be joint at the hip during their 18 months of military service, all I want to say is:

I friggin' told you so!!!

Yes.

I did.

I told you they are ok.

I told you not to worry, that nothing has changed between them.

I told you so.

But if you still don't believe me, please explain how these 2 young men managed to secure an enlistment together, as in going through the whole service side by side. And correct me if I am wrong, but as far as I know this is a first time this is done with an idol.

Only the two of them.

None of the other, as the ot7s will butt in to say, super close members.

If it's about either of their stability, safety, mental health (and not about how close they are and need each other), how is it that out of all of the members it's ALWAYS the two of them? How is it that RM isn't the one to go with JK? How is it not Tae or Hobi with JM (the best friend and 'soulmate' - yes, I did that)? But it's not, is it? Because it's about JM needing to be with JK and JK needing to be with JM. Period.

And if you don't see that, if you don't understand that, well, yeah, I guess either you are purposefully evading it (will talk about that one) or are just plain %$^&*.

Also, have to say this as well.

Now that we know that not seeing them over the past months together meant absolutely nothing about their relationship. This whole process and getting this approved, it takes time. If they haven't been wanting this for a long time and if they still at present didn't want this, well folks, it wouldn't be happening. They want this. They NEED this. And let me tell you something (been a lot of that going around today), knowing this is happening, them being together through this all, with the plus of Jin being around for the first 6 months, means that as far as they are concerned, I will definitely be sleeping well at night. Of course I would rather none of them had to go to the military, but this, my friends, is what we can call maximizing the best of a shit situation. I can sleep well at night knowing JM will be safe (we all worried about his safety, let's be honest) and JK, well, the thought of him without JM by his side. His anchor, his safe place, his catalyst, yeah. I was worried. And now I actually have a smile on my face. Kind of had it ever since I heard this was happening. Every single time I thought about their enlistment over the past few days and everytime I will after they enlist. They are together!!!

THEY ARE TOGETHER!!!

Yes folks, you heard this from RM.

Thank you oh wise leader for letting us know those two share a bed. Can you please shout it out for the ones sitting in the back?

Oops. Sorry. I forgot.

But seriously, the way the two were flustered at the end. Priceless.

So yeah, I guess that was my bratty way of telling off "oh ye of little faith"...

Will this change things up in the fandom?

Well, do you really want to get me started on that one? Not sure you do. I guess I'll suggest you brace yourself for this one...

I will start by saying that my daughters are convinced. I mean, they have kind of been getting there over the past year with JK's lives and behaviour and their interactions when we got them. But this, well yeah, this is GIGANTIC. And if you don't see it, or won't see it, then it's a you problem, not a them problem.

I'm 100% sure there will be those that continue to ot7-fy their relationship. And don't get me wrong here, I'm an ot7 gal all the way. Love all 7 of them to bits. But whoever does not and will not see that JM and JK, their connection, their relationship is just different, well they have an issue. And they will continue with this. Because for many of them to admit that JK and JM are closer with each other than with any other member, to admit that they are even the best of friends, is super problematic. Admitting that throws them straight into the boiling water. Admitting that means seeing it all. Seeing everything (the physical and emotional and sexual behaviours between the two). And doing that means two things. First, admitting that the two are together together, as in a couple, as in actually have sex with each other (to the homophobes among them that is a big no no). Second, to those who have this need to glorify the 7, and not understand that within those 7 are seven human beings with relationship that are not equal to one another. JK and Tae's relationship is unlike JK's with Hobi or JK's with RM and so forth. But more so, having a couple in the mix in their minds is possibly the beginning of the end, which is damn stupid, cause these two have been together for years now and are more ot7 than any claimed ot7 out there (you know, those claiming to be ot7 who constantly ignore or overlook Jikook interactions or for the matter of it, overlook JM, period). So, I kind of predict that won't be changing.

The spin-masters (TKKs, Yoonmin's etc.), well, they will keep on spinning. But not because they don't see it. No. But because they do!! And they need these stories and theories and plain ass stupidities to try and explain it away. The fun part about this one is seeing how every single time their story gets blown up to smithereens by facts, much of the time coming from the members themselves, but also from Bighit or others.

So, to sum it up, nothing is going to change, lol.

Well, maybe, just maybe, some of the reasonable ones out there, those that don't have their feet planted roots deep in the ground, those that do have the ability of critical thinking, they might just see it for what it is.

And if they don't well, wait till those two's travel show comes out, cause from what I'm seeing (from them - depends how it's going to be edited, but then again, how much can you edit out?), it's going to be wild.

Anyways, I do think I'll be back to post about the live, but in any case, will use this opportunity to wish all four of them a safe enlistment. May their basic training go by as fast and as easy as possible (it's going to be so cold...), and may these 18 months go by as fast as possible, but how ever fast or slow they go, I hope they keep safe and can be as happy as possible while serving their country.

I, for one, can't wait for them to come out on the other side.

See your hectic asses for Festa 2025.

#Jikook #Kookmin #Minkook #Jungkook #JK #JM #Jimin #Jikook military

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da-birb-writes-sometimes · 6 months

Note

*breaks through the window*

Hi I saw asks are open (if I’m late that’s ok feel free to ignore this). I just thought doing an escape room with heartslabyul would be fun. Headcanons or drabble you can choose whichever you’d rather do :).

In an Escape Room with Heartslabyul!

Content; Fluff, gender-neutral reader, some blurring of platonic and romantic stuff, headcanon format

Word Count; 2 K (... I may have gotten carried away; oops)

Author's Note; Thank you for requesting, Haru! I hope you like the direction I took this in!

Do not feed my works into AI. If you want to read more of my writing please see my masterlist!

Riddle Rosehearts

He heard Cater going on about this ‘totes cool’ (his words, not Riddle’s) escape room that Sam was hosting, and it piqued his interest… more so that you seemed interested.

“If you would like… we can go together?” He offered quietly, looking up from the notes he was rewriting for class, measuring your reaction.

You leaned forward into his personal space, “Wait, really?! I didn’t think you’d want to go.” Plus wasn’t there an Unbirthday party to plan for?

Riddle swallowed the lump in his throat, but took in a breath, offering you a small smile. “Never know if you don’t try… plus you could use my help–”

You gently kicked him under the table, “Rude, but not unwarranted, Riddle. Who knows, there could be a word search involved.” You offered him a playful wink, enjoying that he was slowly turning red.

“Oh hush you,” he huffed. But he was looking forward to the escape room… and possibly being able to showboat his skills a bit if he were being honest with himself.

In the escape room

He is analyzing everything. He’s also taking everything seriously as if this were truly a live or death situation, and not just you two in one of the back rooms of Sam’s shop. “Of course, the key is on the top shelf,” he muttered, grabbing a chair.

You came over, and kept a hand on the chair; the last thing you wanted to happen is Riddle falling. As much as you liked teasing him, you didn’t want him to get hurt.

“How’s the view up there?” Yes, it was a bad attempt at a joke, but you couldn’t help yourself.

Riddle’s eyes were locked on something, and he jumped down, practically running towards the lock. He started dialling the knob, and the next thing you knew, the timer stopped, and the door opened.

He turned to you, offering his hand and a smile, “The view? It proved most helpful… but thank you, this was fun.”

When you took his hand, he gave it a gentle squeeze, and you ignored how red his face was. Today was nice… even if he did most of the work, but you weren’t complaining since he had fun.

Overall; a good partner to have in an escape room, even if he does most of the work (trying to impress you)

. . . . .

Ace Trappola

“I bet I can beat ya at this escape room,” Ace yawned, stretching out on your sofa, looking all too comfortable.

You raised an eyebrow at him, “And what makes you think that, huh? Getting ahead of yourself, don’t cha think?”

Ace straightened himself out and gave you an impish grin. “What are you willing to bet on?” He placed his chin in his hand, thinking, but looking directly at you.

Damn him. “How about I don’t tell Professor Trein about the time you ‘borrowed’ a second year’s exam just so you didn’t have to study?” You mimicked his expression and pose, waiting for an answer.

Ace balked at that, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly. “Alright, alright, no need to be nasty… but is that a yes or a no?”

“Yeah sure,” you shrugged, “how would you be able to get out–” You couldn’t finish your sentence since he threw a pillow at your face. “Don’t you think that’s childi–” You got hit with another pillow.

In the escape room

He was actually taking this pretty seriously since he didn’t know if you were joking about ratting him out. Wait, what did I bet? He forgot what he wanted to bet on if he won, and he mentally groaned at himself.

“Are ya finding anything of use over there?” You looked away from the bookcase, apparently not finding anything.

Ace looked over his shoulder to you, “What? Are you out of your depth, Sherlock?”

You grumbled, “You didn’t answer my question, Watson.” But you walked over to where Ace was trying to pick a lock. “You think that’s actually going to work? And where did you learn that?”

“I did, find something of use,” Ace murmured, focused on picking the lock. “And yes, it was by the safe. And I learned it from my brother. He said it would ‘impress a sweetheart’.” Ace felt his ears heating up; if his brother was here, he would be looking between you two before giving him a thumbs up.

Finally, the safe opened, and in it, was the code to get out. “You were saying?” He gave you a cocky grin, before punching in the pin and waltzing out.

“Thanks, this was fun,” you offered. But your face turned to annoyance, “UGH! I LOST THE BET!”

Overall; he’s decent at them, a bit of a brag, but his quick thinking will get you out pretty fast.

. . . . .

Deuce Spade

You actually brought the idea up to him while you were both walking to your next class together. “Say,” you bumped into his shoulder, catching his attention, “do you want to do an escape room with me?”

Without thinking, he answered. “Sure!” But he was mentally shaking himself. An escape room? He hadn’t done one of those before… plus wasn’t it like some big puzzle? “But wouldn’t Riddle be a better-”

“Nah, I just want to have fun, plus I wanna spend more time with you,” you answered with a bright grin.

Deuce blinked at your answer but offered you his own bright smile. “Okay then! I’ll give it everything I got!”

You clapped him on the shoulder, laughing a bit at his enthusiasm. “Okay, okay, okay! Excited I see! Meet me at Sam’s after your club practice, m’kay?”

“ALRIGHT!” He shouted, before remembering you were both in the hallway, and lowering his voice, lest he be scolded by Professor Crewel.

In the escape room

Deuce was flipping through the books, trying to find something while you were busy with a puzzle of some kind. Finding nothing, he walked over and started helping you put together some of the pieces.

You looked up, and you saw him bite his lip in concentration; it was quite endearing. “You know,” you break the silence, looking back to the puzzle, “I don’t mind if we don’t get out in time, this is supposed to be for fun.”

Deuce turned his eyes to you, “But it’s an escape room. Isn’t the point of it to escape?”

You looked at him again, and placed your chin in your hand, thinking. “Sure, that may be the main point of it, but also… to bond closer with people. To spend time with those we hold dear or want to improve our relationships with… figure out how their minds work.”

Deuce felt his face warming up, and just hoped that it wasn’t showing. “And you?”

“Me?” You smiled at him, as you put the last piece of the puzzle into place; it had a letter code, the code to get out. “I just wanted an excuse to spend some time with my favourite guy.”

Your favourite guy… Deuce helped you type into the pad, and as you both walked out, he was smiling brightly.

Overall; unsure of what he’s doing, but he’ll try his best to help you.

. . . . .

Trey Clover

You were both at Sam’s shop getting some groceries when you bumped into each other. “Buying out the entire store of its flour, huh?” You jested, looking from all of the flour bags to Trey.

Trey eyed your basket, “And you have enough tuna there to feed Grim for a bit.” But he huffed out a laugh, ignoring the main purpose of his trip, since he didn’t always get a chance to spend time with you.

“Ugh, I wish,” you sighed, eyeing all of the tuna cans that would probably last less than a day, knowing your glutton of a furball. “Hmmm, hey, we should do the escape room,” you offered.

Trey raised a brow, “Right now? Seems a bit odd, doesn’t it?”

You elbowed him, “Eh, common! If you get out before the timer goes off, you apparently get 50% off your purchase! Common Treyyyy.”

He elbowed you back, albeit more gently. “Hm, you drive a hard bargain… are you sure you’re not just Sam in some getup?”

You blew a raspberry at him, “I’ll take that as a yes!”

In the escape room

Trey was carefully looking over the pamphlet that Sam had given him that should have contained clues; should being the key word. It didn’t make a lick of sense to him though.

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, and put the pamphlet into his back pocket. “Please tell me you’re having better luck than me–” But he didn’t see you anywhere. “Uh, Prefect? Y/N?”

You popped out from under the table, squinting up at him. “While you were busy reading, I was looking for clues.” And you went back under the table.

“And are you finding anything?” He asked, ducking down and crawling in after you. It was a tight squeeze but he managed to get beside you, joining you in your search.

You bumped your head against him by accident and hissed, “Nothing but dust and gross bubblegum.”

Trey sighed and crawled back out, looking at the clock; ten minutes left and still no idea on how to get out. “You really wanted that 50% off, huh?”

“Well, yeah. Crowley doesn’t exactly give me a living wage, you know.” You grumbled. “But I don’t mind… you’re more fun than Ace gives you credit for.”

Trey raised a brow, but shook his head, giving you a smile and a huff of amusement.

Overall; a good partner who keeps cool in the face of a deadline.

. . . . .

Cater Diamond

He was scrolling through his phone, bored at yet another Unbirthday party (which yet again had nothing but sweets), trying to find something that would actually be fun. That’s when he came across Sam’s Magicam account for his shop.

Huh, an escape room? He looked up from his phone, only to see one of the freshmen arguing with Riddle. Yeahhh, I’ll just go now– And he slipped away during the chaos.

And while he was walking, he saw a familiar face, and his eyes lit up upon seeing you. “Hey, hey!”

You turned around and shot Cater a peace sign. “Hey, hey, Cay-kun!” You matched his energy, finding it sort of infectious. “Surprised to see you out and about.”

Cater chuckled, “Me too, but uhhh… you don’t mind if I tag along with ya?”

You looked at him curiously, and shrugged, “Knock your socks off, I guess.” Your eyes widened though; Ace and Deuce were stuck at Heartslabyul, so you were bummed that you couldn’t go to the escape room… but now that Cater was here?

“Feel like escaping to somewhere else?”

In the escape room

Cater was filming — with your permission of course — during the entire time in the escape room. “Did you find anything?” He asked, looking over your shoulder.

“Nothing really useful,” you grumbled, “did find this coupon for spicy ramen though.” You handed it to Cater and winked theatrically at his camera.

Cater took the coupon and gave you a small smile. “Thanks! Do ya need any help?” He kneeled beside you, looking at the clue you were trying to build; yes, build. Sam really makes you work to get out in time, huh?

You poked him in the side, and Cater poked you back. “Expect nothing less, the man knows how to run a business.” You sighed, “But I guess we’re not getting out in time, sorry Cater.”

“You don’t have to be sorry,” he said quietly. “I had fun, that’s what matters most.”

“But not getting out isn’t very Magicama–”

He shut off his camera, “This? It’s just a reminder of a fun time then… just for us.”

Overall; a fun partner to have, who is relaxed and goes with the flow. And no, he doesn’t post the video… that’s just for you and him.

...

Tag List; @azulashengrottospiano, @eynnwwyjth, @hydra-sea, @ithseem, @krenenbaker, @lucid-stories, @savanaclaw1996, @silvers-numberonefan, @twistwonderlanddevotee, @xxoomiii

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oddinary4bts · 10 months

Text

Love is a Laserquest | choi san

☆summary: years after your break-up, Choi San comes to you for help. In an attempt to save his life, you escape to your uncle's cabin in the woods far from civilization. Will nostalgia and longing make you fall again, or is Choi San just spinning more lies to you?

☆pairing: gangster!Choi San x female!reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI)

☆genre: gangster au, exes au, angst, smut, a smidge of the one bed trope

☆warnings: guns/gun violence (mentioned), knifes/stabbing (mentioned), a bounty over San's head, death of a minor character (named Jungkook my bad), blood, injuries, stitches, probably some wrong medical terminology bc optometrists don't stitch up people lmao, a panic attack, cursing, pet names, explicit content: oral sex (female receiving) -> face riding, let me know if I forgot any!

☆word count: 16.5k

☆a/n: Here's my submission for Outlaw: The Project hosted by @ssaboala. It is coincidentally my first time posting about another group than bts, so I hope this won't disappoint! I really enjoyed writing it (even though it's really sad oop). Also my first time making a moodboard so hopefully it works haha

☆a/n pt2: thank you to @moonleeai for being my ever-so faithful beta reader, love you lots <3

☆☆☆☆☆

And do you still think love is a Laserquest? Or do you take it all more seriously? I’ve tried to ask you this in some daydreams that I’ve had But you’re always busy being make-believe

Love is a Laserquest – Arctic Monkeys

☆☆☆☆☆

The diner is silent, unoccupied. It always is on late weekday evenings, when most patrons have gone to bed, the city falling under a carpet of hushed silence only night can bring forth. It makes the diner feel like it’s straight out of a 70s movie, and it makes for the perfect study sessions too.

Night isn’t always soundless in your part of town. Hence why you’ve been trying to escape, pursuing an education that has been leaving you penniless, but with a bright future ahead. If you make it out of med school at a certain point, that is.

Tonight, you fear the peace that night usually entails has been ruined for you – there were gunshots earlier, close enough for you to see the police cars racing past as the law officers made it to probably yet another gang fight.

There’s been a gang war on your side of town. The diner has always been safe, a refuge for both sides of the war, where they aren’t allowed to fight. To carry in weapons and hatred. No, the moment they cross the threshold of the diner, the gangsters become one family, sharing struggles that only poverty can cause.

You wipe a table clean before walking back towards the counter. Your open laptop waits for you, and you quickly read the study guide you’ve made for yourself, the cardiovascular system and its pathologies forming a maze in your mind that you’ve yet to decode. Luckily enough, you still have a week before the bloc ends and you have to take the exam.

Plenty of time to cram everything about the heart in your thick little skull, you’d say.

Your lips move in time with what you’re reading, attention solely focused on the bright screen when a thump is heard right outside the door. It startles you, and you turn around to see the empty street out of the glass door.

It takes you about ten seconds to notice the dark form sitting on the ground. They’re leaning against the door, head lolling to the side. You assume it must be someone that’s ended unhoused, something that happens far too often where you live.

You’ve always been kind. When you were younger, you were told your kindness would be your demise. Yet you’ve never been able to be anything but kind, even though sometimes it might put you at risk. So you can’t resist but walk to the front door, trying to push it open.

It’s useless – the weight of the person is keeping it tightly shut, though they do straighten a little, as if coming to their senses. They turn, and the moment their profile comes into view you’re brought back eight years in the past. To a time when the world was still a beautiful place, void of violence and cruelty. To a smile so sweet it made flowers blossom on your heart, and to eyes so sharp you knew they had read your soul.

Choi San is sitting outside the door, and the caked blood on his cheek tells you enough – he’s injured. He pushes away from the door before slowly getting up. He clutches his side as he does it, yet when he turns back towards you and faces your horrified eyes, he still offers you a smirk.

You push the door open, thinking about the years between then and now. You had dated him for a few months that had felt like forever, until you had realized in what kind of business he was getting involved with. You had tried to convince him to flee before it was too late, and he kept promising that he would.

Only he never did, hiding lies with beautiful words that made your teenage self swoon, until your parents had realized and forced you to break up. It had been a nasty break-up, filled with hatred and words you didn’t mean yet had needed to say for him to leave.

You remember breaking his heart like it was yesterday.

“Choi San,” you greet him, and when he lets go of his side, you notice blood on his hand.

Something runs cold inside of you, even though he still sports a smirk on his lips.

He says your name, bowing his head. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”

Months, in fact. Because he does come to the diner sometimes. He usually ignores you, and so do you, so it feels strange to have him speak to you. To hear his voice as his words are addressed to you.

“What…” you trail off, glancing down at the ripped fabric of his black tank top.

He’s got a mean cut on his ribs, and it’s only then that you truly realize that he’s badly injured. Because there’s more – one of his biceps has been sliced open too, though blood is barely oozing out of it in small rivulets. The blood on his cheek is from where you assume he’s been punched with rings, and there’s already an underlying bruise under his eye.

“Got beaten up,” he states the obvious, and you immediately open the door wider to let him in.

He limps in, heading towards the nearest booth, where he plops down and lets out a pained grunt. You make sure no one is outside before shutting the door and locking it, flipping the hanging sign on it so it says closed in case a patron decides to show up.

You take a few steps towards San, hands shaking slightly at your side. Because that’s a grown man, bleeding out on the leather seat of the booth, and his eyes are shut though he looks in pain. You don’t know what you’re supposed to do. You haven’t yet started your residency, haven’t really gone from theory to practice… Yet you’re studying to be a doctor, are you not?

“Why are you here?” you ask, though you’re pretty sure you know the answer.

“Didn’t know where else to go,” he says, wincing as one of his eyes opens. He tilts his head to look towards you. “Word around the block says…” he pauses, takes a deep breath before continuing, “that you’re studying to be a doctor”.

So you are right. He’s here because he needs your help, and you’re not quite sure how you feel about it.

“Why…” You look for words, and it takes you a moment to realize that it doesn’t matter.

For all the history between you and him, Choi San doesn’t deserve to bleed out to death on a cheap leather seat in a forgotten diner on the dangerous side of town.

He has the decency to chuckle at the start of your question, which only makes him wince in pain once again.

“Don’t move,” you tell him, and it’s a little stupid because clearly, he’s in no state to move.

He doesn’t question it, and you run to the kitchen to thoroughly wash your hands and grab the first aid kit. At night, no cooks stay around, and you usually only reheat food if needed, which doesn’t really happen. You haven’t had any client coming in at night in weeks… until San, that is. So no one is there to see what is going on, which you reckon is a relief. Because you have no idea what’s going on.

You return to the booth where San is waiting, patiently. He’s clearly wiped his hand on his face because there’s fresh blood on his forehead, and you almost balk at the sight of it.

“What have you done?” you mutter, more to yourself than to him.

It seems he’s still in sync with you because he still hears. “Got involved with the wrong crowd.”

You put the first aid kit down on the table, ignoring his eyes when they flutter open, and he rests his gaze on you.

“I don’t know if I can help you,” you say as you unzip the kit and throw it open. You spare his side a quick glance. “This looks like you’re going to need stitches.”

He makes an effort of looking down at himself, though it mostly fails as he doesn’t raise his head from the seat. “Right.”

You grab everything you think you might need – alcohol swabs to clean his skin, fresh linen to bandage his side and arm, and stuff for his cheek too. He carefully observes you, with that piercing gaze of his that used to make you go crazy inside when you were young and impressionable.

You vaguely motion at him, and he cocks an eyebrow. “What?”

“Are you able to sit up?” you ask. “I can’t reach you if you’re lying back like this.”

His pink tongue darts to wet his lips, and he nods curtly. “Let me…” he trails off, resting a bloody hand on the table while he grabs at the back of the booth to push himself up. It has new blood appearing on his side, and you quickly move towards him, putting some linen against it.

As if it’s going to do anything. He clearly needs stitches, and you’ve got nothing with you to stitch him up.

“Fuck,” he curses lowly as he’s finally sitting. You just keep the linen on his side, eyes a little wide.

Your gazes connect inevitably, and time slows. You think about how he used to smile, how his eyes used to hold a softness you haven’t had the chance to see again since he’s walked out of your life.

Or rather, since you kicked him out of your life.

“I don’t think I can help,” you whisper, and his eyes flicker to your lips.

“I can’t go to the hospital,” he admits, shame turning his features into a mask of regret. “They… If they find me, I’m dead.”

Dread fills every ounce of your being. “San, what have you been doing?”

He looks away from your insistent gaze, scoffing slightly. “You don’t want to know.”

He isn’t wrong; you genuinely don’t want to know. Because he means nothing good, even with all the memories you share with him.

“Is it going to put me in danger?” you ask, as he still obstinately avoids your gaze.

He seems to freeze in front of you, as if you’ve pressed pause to your favourite show. To avoid the awkwardness, you busy yourself with grabbing one of his hands so he can hold the linen in place before you start washing the cut on his arm. It’s not deep, but you’re pretty sure it’ll still leave a mean scar, especially considering he can’t go to the hospital.

The thought has a drop of cold sweat roll along your spine. People want him dead. People want Choi San, the man you know as a young, scared teenager just trying to find a way to make his life better, dead. You remember the innocence in his smile – has he smiled at all in the years apart?

“I should go,” he says flatly. He moves to stand, but you hold him down, two hands firmly placed on his shoulders. It makes him wince, and you quickly release your grip.

“Don’t,” you tell him. “Let me at least patch you up.”

His eyes shut again as his head hangs low. “I am so sorry.”

You don’t even know who he is apologizing to, or why he is. All you know is that it causes your heart to clench in your chest, stealing the breath from your lungs.

When you were younger, you believed San was your star-crossed lover. You believed your high school sweethearts romance would grow until you’d be old and grey and at the end of a very long road. You had dreamed of a future with him, the way only teenagers can dream – with no sense of reality. Because your reality had never been to end up by his side.

His choices had been proof enough of it.

You still remember the day you first kissed. Under an August meteor shower, with just the night sky as your witness. It had been hesitant, slow and soft, just like everything with San. And you had believed the lie, trusted it with every beat of your little heart, until your parents had found out the truth about him.

Until they had broken your heart, even before you had broken his.

If the stars had known then, what was going to happen to you and Choi San, would they still have shone through the night?

He lets out a pained sound as you gently dab at the cut on his bicep. You clean the skin around the wound in and of itself, and he watches you carefully, piercing gaze not missing how your face clouds with memories.

“How have you been doing?” he asks so softly you think his words are a gentle summer breeze on your features.

You can almost still smell the summer night air of that field where you had stargazed, where you’d always meet so long ago.

“I’ve been okay,” you answer, truthfully. Because even though you haven’t seen him, you have lived your life apart from him. Have evolved without him by your side. “Better than you, visibly.”

He didn’t expect the joke. It makes him snort, and then a soft smile grows on his lips, softening the edges of his hard features. “You haven’t changed.”

You have, and yet you haven’t. Like him, you think there’s a part of you that is still sixteen, and will forever be. A part of you that remained stuck in the moment when you watched him walk away in the rain, as if even the sky had to cry for his broken heart.

“Wish I could say the same about you,” you murmur, nostalgia a melancholic song in your words.

He chooses to remain silent, because the proof of how much he’s changed is sitting right in front of you, wounded and bleeding and hurt. The hurt is behind his eyes, in the shadows of the past that have also been obscuring your vision.

“Yeah,” he lets out, barely audible.

And then silence reigns between you, because as much as you once loved him, eight years have made you strangers. You don’t know anything about his life except the dirty, obvious darkness that surrounds him, and he doesn’t know anything except that you are studying to be a doctor…

Which leads you to wonder how does he know in the first place?

You ask him, as you’re wrapping the linen around his bicep to make a makeshift bandage. You’re proud of the result, though your fingers can’t resist but linger on the taut skin over his muscle, surprised at how soft it still is.

“I’ve heard you mention it,” he admits, as you take a step away to look at the material on the table, as if it’ll suddenly make stitches appear for you to put them in his skin. “One of the times I was here.”

“You never said hi,” you reproach him, unable to hide the ghost of a bite in your tone.

“Neither did you,” he points out, and he isn’t wrong.

All you can do is purse your lips as you finally decide to clean his skin. But for that, you have to rid him of his tank top, to make sure there’s no fabric in the wound. You look at him, cheeks somehow burning even though all you’re doing is taking care of a patient.

Though he’s not a patient, and you’re not in a hospital. You’re just a server at a dusty, old diner and he’s just your teenage lover, wounded by his dangerous actions.

“Should I grab scissors to remove your shirt?” you ask, though you’re speaking to yourself more than to him.

He still finds it in him to tease. “You want me out of my shirt?” he enquires, smirk gracing his lips again. “Say no more.”

He tries moving, but you hold up a hand to stop him. “Don’t,” you warn. “You’ll make it bleed more.”

He purses his lips, because nodding. “Right.” He glances at the first aid kit, before his eyes trail to your face again. “You got scissors in that?”

There are. You grab them, before turning towards him. It feels strange: you’ve never undressed him before. You had always wanted to wait, back then, before you slept together. You believed you were too young, and San had always respected it.

“Let me know if I hurt you,” you tell him as you take a step closer to him.

He slightly leans back, furrowing his eyebrows. “What do you plan to do with those that might hurt?”

You roll your eyes, playfully, before taking the two other steps leading to right in front of his legs. You notice that they are slightly parted, allowing you to come closer, and you take a steadying breath before reaching between you, pulling at the fabric of his tank top.

“Stay still and you shouldn’t get hurt,” you whisper, ignoring the heaviness of his piercing gaze on you.

It burns right through you, and you have to tame the beats of your heart at the feeling of the warm skin of his shoulder against the back of your fingers as you bring your other hand forward, until you’ve started cutting his shirt.

It’s stuck to his side where blood has dried, and he winces but remains still and silent as you keep going, pulling on it a little harder to be able to cut. The moment stretches into infinity, because you can’t help but take your time. It reminds you of how you’d used to run your fingers on his back, under his shirt, when you napped in the field in the summertime. In an idyllic world where gangs and violence and war were mere inventions of the media, and not a reality that surrounded you.

You’d loved the field. The wildflowers, the open air, the way it was just you and him and a few lazy bumblebees as clouds lazily crossed the sky above. You were so young then, so innocent. Hands unstained from blood, from his blood.

Because as you cut, the hand touching his shirt stains with blood. You pale at the sight of it, but you keep going, pushing through until you’re done, gently pulling the fabric from his body until he’s sitting there, shirtless, with a long wound on his ribs.

You can’t help but notice his toned chest and the defined abs on his stomach. Though blood mars his skin, turning it into a piece of violence, Choi San is still beautiful. Beautiful in a dark, dangerous way that has you glance outside, making sure no one is looking.

But the streets are empty, void of life at this time of the night. At least, they mostly always are.

“You will need stitches,” you state again as if you both don’t know already.

“I can’t…”

An idea forms in your brain. It’s a stupid idea, and you don’t even know why it crosses your mind.

Your uncle has a hunting cabin far in the woods. He’s a nurse himself, and he’s always kept everything over there in case someone got injured and he had to stitch them up. You haven’t gone in forever, but you still remember the tall trees, the deep forest scent that reminds you of autumn and leaves and grey days spent reading by the fireplace.

You never went hunting, but you did accompany your father when he went, needing an escape from the city once in a while. An escape from a life that was slowly becoming too real.

Your uncle is currently halfway across the country, so you know you’d be alone at the cabin. You glance at your laptop over your shoulder – you have three days off in front of you before your next class on Monday. Indeed, the Friday class is pre-recorded and to watch online in your free time, and you figure you can always watch it some other time.

So you turn towards Choi San, almost surprised that he’s real and he’s still sitting in front of you, honey skin cut open on his ribs.

“I might know a place where you can go,” you admit, with a small voice, surprising both you and him. Because you doubt he expects you to want to help, after tonight.

“What?” he asks.

“My uncle’s cabin,” you remind him, because you’ve told him about it all those years ago. “He should have all that I need to stitch you up.”

San looks down at himself. “You’ve just cut my shirt open.”

It sounds a little dumbfounded, and you can’t help the nervous laugh that falls from your mouth. Because even though it doesn’t look too deep, the wound still is terrifying in and of itself.

“I’ll bandage it,” you whisper. “Before we go.”

He seems like he ponders for a time. You watch the debate across his features, his eyes falling to a spot on your chin. He looks sad, troubled and defeated. “I can’t… I can’t do this to you.”

You ignore his words, carefully washing his side. You avoid the cut and try to be as gentle as you can, but his muscles still flex as he clenches his fists from the pain.

He’s strong. That much hasn’t changed. Because he doesn’t make any sound as you finish washing him and then patch him up with those same careful hands. And when you move to his face, cleaning the blood, his eyes flutter shut, and he sighs softly.

He looks so much like he looked then that your heart aches, and you find yourself blinking away tears for this man who’s had it so rough he believed joining a gang would save him.

“I should have come to you before,” he murmurs. “You’re much gentler than Hongjoong.”

You don’t know the guy he mentioned, and you don’t feel like asking. Don’t feel like acknowledging his words, so you just finish with his cheek before stepping away from the peaceful aura that was treacherously pulling you in.

Like all those years ago, you reckon.

“Let me make a call,” you say, turning away from him as you move to the counter. You feel the weight of his eyes between your shoulder blades as you get your phone from next to your laptop. You call your boss, and as someone that’s never called in sick before, you feel anxiety flush through you.

Because you’re not sick. And how could you tell him that you need to take care of your ex-boyfriend of eight years ago?

Seokhyun picks up on the first ring, voice groggy with sleep when he mutters, “Hello?”

“Boss,” you greet him. You scrape your throat and spare a look towards San who’s watching you curiously. “An emergency came up, and I have to leave the diner.” You swallow the lump in your throat that’s formed from lying, and then you add, “There haven’t been any customers all night, so I was wondering… would you be comfortable with me closing for the rest of the night?”

Your boss says your name, a little reproachfully. But then he sighs, because he knows just as well as you what a good employee you’ve always been. “Are you going to be able to come in tomorrow night?” he asks.

You pull at dry skin on your bottom lip, assessing San’s state. You could always come back to the city for work…

“You know what, I know you’ve got that big exam coming up,” your boss says, sighing into the phone. “Why don’t you take the next week off so you can take care of your emergency and focus on your studies?”

If Seokhyun wasn’t a fifty-three year old married and father of three children man, you think you’d ask him to marry you right now.

“That would be really helpful,” you tell him, gratitude dripping from your voice. “Are you sure that won’t be a problem for the diner?”

“The diner won’t lose profit if it closes for three nights in the week,” he points out. “I’ll see if I can get you replaced for the evening shift on Sunday.”

You thank him again as he grumbles that it’s nothing. He wishes you good luck, and when the line goes silent, you finally meet San’s gaze again.

“All sorted out,” you tell him, offering him a nod. “Let me just close the diner, and then we can go.”

He nods, the ghost of a smile playing on his lips. He observes you as you do so, quickly closing the diner like you’ve done about a hundred times before, though this time you’re far more excited to go. You grab a plastic bag to put away the bloody swabs, and though he groans in pain, San gets up to help you clean the blood that stained the cheap leather of the booth.

Soon enough, you’re ready to go, and you walk outside with the plastic bag in one hand and your backpack on your shoulders as San chuckles, looking down at himself.

“Do you have a shirt for me?” he asks as he follows you out.

You lock the door behind you before glancing at him. He’s quite the sight, naked from the waist up and bandaged like he is, and you can’t help the small chuckle you let out as you glance towards your car, that’s luckily parked right in front.

Though it’s a deadbeat car, you trust it enough to know it’ll make the trip to your uncle’s cabin, even in the middle of the night.

“My ex left some sweaters on the back seat,” you admit as you unlock your car doors and open the trunk to put your backpack and the plastic bag in there. There’s no chance in hell you’ll leave a plastic bag full of bloody swabs near your work.

You see San nod from the periphery of your vision, and then he’s opening the door to the backseat. “Your ex, huh?” he mutters as he grabs a sweater you used to love wearing and that you haven’t convinced yourself to give back to Hyunmin.

He carefully puts it on, and you’re pretty sure just the motion is going to make blood seep through the bandage. Somehow, you don’t care that it might stain Hyunmin’s sweater.

Hyunmin was a cheater, and even though you never really loved him, it took you months before you found the strength to break up with him. Needless to say, he doesn’t deserve his clothes back.

“Yeah,” you flatly say as you move towards the driver’s seat. You sit, and San follows you, naturally, as if you’ve done it a thousand times before.

As you turn the keys in the engine, San asks, “Have you dated a lot?”

You bristle at the question, shooting him an embarrassed look. “Have you?”

“No,” he replies, features fully serious.

You purse your lips, focusing on the road as you start driving. You need to put gas in the car if you want to get to your uncle’s cabin, so you make your way towards the closest one. It takes you a moment before you register how San has stiffened next to you.

“Can we…” he trails off, and he sinks in the seat, trying to hide. “I can’t be seen here.”

You immediately press on the accelerator, and your car speeds down the street as you pass in front of the gas station. You glance at San only when you’re stopped at a red light. He’s pulled the hood of the sweater over his features, and he’s doing his best to hide.

“Where can we stop?” you ask.

“Next town over,” he answers. “I just can’t be seen in Bangtan territory.”

Right. You have no knowledge of how the gangs have divided your city, but you’re not surprised Bangtan has this part of town. It’s the industrial area, and you assume there’s a lot of money to be made around here.

“Sounds good,” you gently say, and then you’re driving again, the light turning green, allowing you to speed away into the night.

You drive silently all the way to the next town, watching your city disappear to be replaced by trees until buildings reappear. San is looking outside the window, and you can’t help but wonder how he’s been doing, truly. How he managed to get injured like he is right now, and mostly, if his dreams of running away still occupy his thoughts.

He had begged you, the evening you had broken up with him. Told you he’d make enough money to be able to move with you across the country and build yourself a nice little life over there. You had wanted to believe him for so long, until your parents had opened your eyes on just how he was trying to make money.

“Do you need anything?” you ask as you finally reach the gas station, pulling into the driveway. You park next to a pump, turning to face him only to find him already watching you.

“I don’t have money to pay for food,” he admits. He shuts his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. “I lost my wallet in the… altercation.”

You gently put a hand on his forearm. “Hey, my treat. We have to eat.”

He inhales deeply, letting out the breath slowly, before he nods. “Alright. I owe you.”

You reckon he’ll owe you for a lot more than just food at a gas station, but you choose not to say it. Not when you feel like someone’s watching over your shoulder, watching you drive away in the night with the person they are looking for.

You know it’s paranoia. No one followed you out of the city and into this town. It just feels too strange to have him here, with you. In your car, on the way to your uncle’s cabin, as if eight years have gone out the window. As if you can still be young and innocent.

It’s stupid, because you can’t. Time has changed him; time has changed you. And in just a few years you’ll be a doctor, and you’ll finally get out of this hellhole of a city, of its dangerous streets.

Of its equally dangerous man, that you know could probably pull you back in with one of his many well-crafted lies, one of the dreams he weaved expertly, whispering it into your ear.

You take a deep breath before getting out of the car. You go into the station, grab snacks for the next few days and then head to the counter. The guy behind nods as you approach, and you pay for the food and for gas before wishing him a good night and returning outside. San is still squatting in the car, clearly trying to hide, and you put the food on the backseat before putting gas in.

You watch his profile as you put gas in the car. Back when you were dating, his features weren’t as sharp, as glass-cutting as they now are. He used to sport a rounder face, but today you wonder if you’d get a papercut on his jaw. You wouldn’t even be surprised.

When you’re done with gas, you sit back next to him, and you quickly bring the engine back to life before pulling out in the street. As soon as you exit the city, darkness falls on the two of you, tall trees standing on the two sides of the road again. San doesn’t speak much, and it doesn’t take you long to realize he’s dozing off next to you.

“Hey, everything okay?” you ask, suddenly worried that he might have lost too much blood. Which, you reckon, you should have thought about earlier.

He sighs, glancing towards you. “Just tired.”

“Don’t…” you trail off. “Don’t fall asleep.”

He chuckles. “You’re afraid I’m going to die on you?”

“Choi San,” you warn. “Don’t you dare say stuff like that.”

He smiles, but you reckon he’s a little pale. Or at least you think he is, in the silver light of the moon up above. “I think I’m fine. Just…” He offers you a weak smile, though you’ve returned your attention on the winding road. “Just exhausted. I haven’t slept in three days.”

Worry clutches your heart, and you nibble at some dry skin on your bottom lip. “What’s been going on?”

He slightly shrugs. “I can’t tell you. I don’t want to put you in danger…”

“Am I not already in danger by just helping you?”

The silence is telling enough. And it remains for a while until San finally speaks.

“I was in a gunfight a week ago. Accidentally shot the youngest member of the other gang. He didn’t make it, and the gang has put a bounty on my head. Ateez took my gun and told me to run; I laughed in their face and said I wasn’t a coward. Then I got attacked by two guys with knives earlier, and I made it to the diner because I had nowhere else to go.”

Now the silence is deafening, heavy, and you think you’ve altogether stopped breathing. You’re struck with an image of San in the summer sun, smiling wide as he put a flower behind your ear, claiming you were the most beautiful girl he had ever met. The contrast with who he is now – a product of night, shrouded in darkness with no hint of that smile on his lips – is stark. And you wonder when’s the last time he has seen the sun, when’s the last time his life wasn’t violence like this.

When you say nothing, he scoffs, resting his head against the window as if it’d allow him to escape. Because clearly he wants to escape – he’s just told you that he’s killed someone after all.

And you don’t know what to say. Don’t know how to react to someone confessing murder. All you can do is stare at the street ahead, hoping you won’t end up in a gunfight with San. Because where would that lead you, other than in the dramatics of death?

You don’t speak for the rest of the ride. You don’t think he sleeps either, and dawn is clinging to the far horizon when you get to your uncle’s cabin, in a secluded forest that seems straight out of a fairytale. Instead of bringing you awe like it usually does, the sight of it makes you think of all the murder mysteries you had been obsessed with when you were younger, before you realized how horrible the real world truly is.

Neither of you move, as you turn off the engine of the car, and you fall into even more of a tensed silence, though this time you can hear the chirping of the early birds. It’s peaceful, so peaceful you can barely even grasp how tangible the presence of San is next to you. The presence of his actions too, looming between the two of you like a sword of Damocles.

You move first. Putting a hand on the knob, hoping to escape the heaviness into the dawn. San speaks before you can though, and your heart stops in your chest.

“I never meant for him to get hurt,” he murmurs, and you think he’s speaking to himself more than to you. “Everything went too fast, my gun was in my hand and I just… in situations like these, you don’t have time to think.” He leans his head against the headrest, eyes closing. “All I can picture since it’s happened is him falling and blood. Like a fucking blossoming rose, all around him.” He rests his closed fist on his forehead, rubbing it hard. “I haven’t been able to sleep; I’ve been sick every time I’ve tried to eat…”

“San,” you interrupt as you break and break for him. Because this is the San you know. This is the young boy that just wanted to escape and live in a better world. You can almost taste his remorse, taste his regret and shame. It’s poisonous, treacherous, a slippery slope that can’t lead anywhere good. “Let’s get you in. I want to get that cut on your ribs checked.”

He falls silent, and for a moment you feel guilty. Because what if he had more to say? You don’t even think you would have been able to listen. You need the escape, and you know he’ll permit it. Because the man next to you is a broken man, a fracture of what he could have been.

You step out of the car, blinking away tears – from the anxiety, from the exhaustion, and perhaps even from the pain you feel for him. He follows you, wincing as he swings his legs out of the car. He stumbles a little as he stands, but soon enough, he grows steady on his feet, and his attention moves to you. You climb the stairs of the cabin, lifting the rug to find the small trap that leads to the spare key. The padlock is rusted, but it stands strong as you put in the code, and a click is heard when you pull on it.

A few seconds later, you’ve unlocked the front door, pushing it open to reveal the cabin as you remember it. Not a single item is out of place, though dust covers everything, a clear indication that no one has been here in years. You let San in, before going back to the car to get the food you bought, bringing it in and putting it in the fridge. Three full gas canisters hide under the counter, and you sigh in relief – you’ll be able to get the generator on for some electricity.

You motion to the kitchen table. “Have a seat,” you tell San, who somehow looks like a lost puppy. “I’ll get the first aid kit.”

He nods, remaining silent, eyes downcast. You only move when he’s seated, heading to the bathroom area of the cabin, where you startle a spider that almost makes you scream out loud. You keep it in, heart beating out of your chest as you get the kit before moving back into the main area.

San is leaning against the chair, eyes closed. He senses you approaching, and one of his eyes cracks open to watch you carefully, a little like he did earlier, at the diner. It looks so similar to how he used to look at you, when you joined him at the field, that you stop in your tracks, heart squeezing once again.

You don’t like the way Choi San is making you feel, that’s for sure.

“Take off the sweater,” you tell him, putting the kit down on the table. You put some clean linen next to it, to put what you need over it, before washing your hands with the disinfectant you find in the kit. You put latex gloves on after, and then you fish wire and a surgical needle from the first aid kit that you carefully put down on the linen once you’ve torn the packages open.

As you were doing all of that, San took off the shirt, struggling a little as it meant he had to lift his right arm, which pulled at the skin of his ribs, where the cut clearly has started bleeding again. Though, if you’re honest to yourself, you’re pretty sure he’s been bleeding this whole time, even though it probably was just some fine rivulets.

Indeed, the cut isn’t all that deep, you remind yourself. Mostly because you don’t want to even think about the consequences of the blood loss. As long as he stays awake, you figure he’s fine – he would have lost consciousness a while ago if he was losing a lot of blood.

You remove the bandage you had carefully put in place earlier, wincing at the sight of the blood that’s seeped through it. San keeps his eyes close, lets you clean his skin again in peace, and you feel sick to your stomach as you realize you don’t have any anesthetics for the pain that stitching him up will cause. Indeed, the pocket in which your uncle usually leaves the lidocaine is empty, and you remember that he’s had to use it for your dad when he accidentally cut himself with a machete last summer.

“Huh,” you let out. You chuckle nervously. “It’s going to hurt like a bitch.”

His eyes narrow, and he clenches his jaw. “Don’t worry about it.”

You worry at your bottom lip, holding his gaze as you gauge if he’s serious. When his gaze doesn’t falter, you offer him a curt nod, before getting the wire and needle ready under his watchful eyes.

You hand him some linen. “To bite on,” you explain as he just cocks an eyebrow quizzically. That makes his gaze widen a little as if he’s just now realizing how serious you were about it hurting, but he takes it nonetheless.

You think about the theory of how to stitch someone up. It was in your previous block – you watched hours of videos of it in an attempt to desensitize yourself to it. You don’t think it compares to the real thing, but at least you’re somehow confident of what you’re doing when you start.

San startles, groaning in pain, and you offer him a glare. “Don’t move, or it’ll be worse.”

A drop of sweat rolls down his temple, but he still nods. Even as you keep on stitching him, he remains as still as he physically can, though you don’t think he even notices how he’s trembling. Or maybe that’s you – you don’t even know.

Somehow, you make it through the whole thing. You think San might have passed out at some point, but he’s wide awake when you finish the knot to keep the stitches in place, looking up to meet his face.

He’s panting and tears of pain wet his waterline. He blinks them away as he takes the linen out of his mouth, dropping it on the table.

“Fuck,” he curses.

“Let me…” you trail off, mind set on getting something to at least help him cool off, because he’s clearly been heating up.

You grab a washcloth and a small bucket, and head outside to walk down to the lake. You fill the bucket halfway, and take a few seconds to observe the calm surrounding you, hoping that it can ease the nerves rolling inside your heart like dark clouds do on the horizon whenever a storm is coming. You feel it in your bones – you have a murderer in your uncle’s cabin.

You have to keep that in mind. To not let Choi San in like you did when you were a young impressionable teenager.

You sigh, closing your eyes to breathe in the fresh morning air. The sun is peaking over the horizon now, and you bask in its hesitant rays for all of twenty seconds before you convince yourself to go back in. You’ve got a patient to take care of, after all.

San hasn’t moved an inch while you were outside. The only indication that he hasn’t died on you is the groan he lets out as you put the wet washcloth on his forehead. You tap his cheek gently, as if to say, ‘suck it up, I’m just trying to take care of you’.

Which is exactly what you’re doing, isn’t it?

You watch him carefully for a few seconds before tapping his shoulder this time around.

“There’s a bed,” you remind him. “You’d be better passing out in a bed.”

He groans again, cracking an eye open. “I’ve just been repeatedly poked with a needle,” he drawls. “Give me a second.”

It makes you laugh. Because of the nerves, maybe. You’re not quite sure. All you know is that you’re laughing, and San opens his second eye to look at you as if you’re crazy. And you laugh for longer than you should – you’re exhausted after all, especially considering you haven’t slept since yesterday morning. So far, adrenaline has been keeping you going, but you can tell you’re about to crash.

“Sorry,” you apologize once you calm down. “This has just been…”

“A lot,” San finishes for you. “I know.”

You nod once before glancing at the doorway to the bedroom. It has no door, as your uncle and your dad usually come here alone and they don’t mind sharing a bed. It makes you realize that you’ll have to share it with San, which you reckon you should have thought about before. Because there’s no way in hell you’ll share a bed with him, especially after he’s told you why he’s being hunted.

There’s always the option of going into town later today so you can get a sleeping bag and floor mat to sleep on. But you’re far too tired right now to even consider driving, so you motion to the bed once again.

“Stick to your side; I’ll stick to mine.”

He smirks though he’s extremely pale. A lot paler than he was before, and you swallow a sudden lump in your throat. Because what if he dies? What are you supposed to do with him if he dies?

“You’ll have to help me to get to the bed ‘cause I don’t think I can move,” he says once his smirk dies. He curses under his breath. “I’m so pathetic.”

You put your hand on his shoulder again, reassuringly, eyes holding his. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re hurt. Everyone is pathetic when they’re hurt.”

He gulps before nodding once. It takes everything in you not to offer him more comfort because you feel like the slope would tilt forwards far too much if you did. Instead, you help him to get up, wincing as he puts most of his weight on you, clutching his side with one hand. You’re infinitely aware of how his skin is sticky with sweat, but you ignore it as you slowly walk to the bedroom.

You can only hope the stitches will hold because you don’t think he’d be able to withstand another round of them.

You finally reach the bedroom and help San sit on the side of the bed. He sighs, eyes shut tightly, and he doesn’t move for a time. When he does, it’s to stiffly lie down on his side.

“You might want to sleep on your back,” you inform him. “I don’t want you rolling around and messing up the stitches.”

He glares at you, though he looks like he’s already half out of it. You hold his gaze until he gives in, turning on his back with a deep sigh. You arrange pillows around him to make sure he’s not moving, and by the time you’re done, his breathing has already evened out.

For a moment, you just watch him sleep. You see him in the field where young love blossomed like a trillion wildflowers. You can almost breathe his pollen again, can almost feel the softness of his skin under your fingertips.

But he’s not what he used to be. Back then, you felt like you had discovered something new. Love, infatuation, affection, and desire, all in the form of the man sleeping next to you. You’d used to kiss, dance and sing to a song only your souls knew, and now you don’t think you recognize him anymore.

As much as he is him, he’s also but just the ghost of what he was. He’s trouble, danger in the shape of innocence, and you recall his words from earlier. You recall the despair, the regret and sorrow that haunted him after he told you. You can’t let him get to your head.

You reckon sleep might help. Though you’re afraid he’s going to waste away in his sleep, so you set up an alarm every hour, before climbing on the other side of the bed. You don’t pull on the covers, mostly because the cabin is warm, and you can imagine it’s just going to get hotter as the sun goes up and the summer heat slowly sizzles into the countryside.

It’s a good thing you put an alarm on. Because when it rings an hour later, you don’t even remember falling asleep. You’re pretty sure the second your head touched the mattress, you were out to the land of dreams. You groan, mostly because you’ve got a slight headache, but you power through it to make sure San is still breathing.

When you see his chest moving up and down steadily, you let yourself fall back asleep.

This goes on for the whole morning, and you only force yourself to stay up when your phone shows that it’s passed noon. As you had suspected earlier, the cabin has gotten extremely warm, so you force yourself out of bed to open all the windows, and then you use the washcloth from earlier to gently wash San’s face of the sweat.

He doesn’t even flinch in his sleep, but he’s still breathing and for now, that’s all that matters.

You head back to the main room, grabbing a pack of chips from where you had left the food earlier, and then you move outside to sit by the lake. Mostly because you need to put distance between you and San, but also just because the childhood memories of this place have you in their hold, and they’ve decided to make you miss the times when you’d swim around with your cousins before both of them had moved out of town.

One day, it’s going to be you too. You already know where you’d go – on the other side of the country, as far away from here as possible. You just want to forget all about the place you grew up in, and you know that, in a few years, you will have forgotten.

Though you’re pretty sure a certain piercing gaze will haunt you forever, especially after the events of today.

When another hour passes, you head back inside, putting the empty bag of chips in the trash before you check up on San. He’s still asleep, but this time he doesn’t look as pale as he did earlier. You assume it’s going to take him a while before he wakes, so you head to the nearest town to grab more food. Mostly to busy yourself, but also just because you know San will need a place to hide for a lot longer than just the weekend. Might as well make sure you have enough for him to survive a couple of days. In town, you also stop to eat at a small café on a small terrasse in the shade of a few trees, and then you grab the food you think you might need at the grocery store.

It’s the middle of the afternoon when you get back, realizing that you forgot to buy a floor mat. As you spy San, who hasn’t moved an inch since he’s fallen asleep, you figure that sleeping next to him tonight should be fine.

As long as his presence in your vicinity doesn’t drag you down memory lane again.

You bought some meat in town, so you head to the little shack outside where the generator is hiding. There’s a gas canister right next to it – also full – and you busy yourself for the next twenty minutes trying to figure out how to get it started. When it finally rumbles to life, you head back inside to put the meat in the fridge, which has finally come to life.

When you hear a groan, you quickly jog to San’s side, fully expecting to find him awake. Surprisingly, he’s still asleep, and you stay next to him for a full minute, thinking he might groan again, though he remains entirely silent.

If it wasn’t for his chest moving up and down steadily, you’d believe him to be dead. But now that a few hours have passed, you’re pretty positive he’ll make it, though he’s probably going to sleep through the day and possibly through the next one too.

Which leaves you in the most peaceful atmosphere you’ve been in for a while, with the opportunity to study as you listen to the rush of wind in the leaves of the tall trees surrounding the cabin. You sit outside, this time near the fireplace, and you study until your stomach grumbles, indicating that it is time for you to cook.

You cook the meat you’ve bought on the grill outside, feeling thankful that your dad once showed you how to use it. You go back in to grab a bottle of water before you eat, and you’re bent in the fridge when you hear San moan again, and this time it sounds like he’s saying something.

You gently close the fridge, making your way to the bedroom. San hasn’t moved, but his features are creased in a frown, and sweat is rolling down his temples. You wet the washcloth, gently wipe his face, and you’re about to leave when he moans again.

It takes you far too long to realize he’s apologizing. What for, you can’t really tell. Though you remember his troubled eyes this morning, you remember his story, and your heart breaks in your chest.

He’s haunted. You think the ghost of the dead guy will probably haunt him for the rest of his life. And suddenly you’re struck thinking maybe, maybe if you hadn’t broken his heart all those years ago, you could have saved him from the gang.

Maybe you could have opened his eyes.

You still remember the break-up like it was yesterday. You remember the rain, him leaving without once looking back, but mostly you remember the words you had uttered. Ghosts of their own, that feel more real now that he’s come back into your life.

*****

“You’re going to get hurt!” you yelled. “You’ll get hurt, San. What are you thinking?”

He scoffed, shaking his head, and little droplets of water shot all around him. “I’ll be careful. We need the money if we ever want to make it out of this shit town.”

You blinked away tears, folding your arms on your chest as you tried to keep your heart from breaking. Though you reckoned it had broken when your parents had told you what they knew about San. When your father had mentioned Ateez, and you’d truly realized what it meant that he was part of a gang. San, your sweet, soft, and bubbly San, in a gang that had murdered someone just a few weeks ago.

“But that’s not a way to make money!” you screamed, hoping he��d understand. Hoping he’d hear the truth in your words, hoping he’d change his mind before it was too late. “Why don’t you get a part-time job, like me? Then we can go to college and get jobs in a nice city on the other side of the country!”

“It won’t work,” he drawled, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I want to be out soon, not in a few years. I barely even have a roof over my head, Y/n…”

“Come live with me,” you choked out around the lump in your throat.

You both knew fully well that your parents would never let him come near you again.

“I can’t.”

You cried, hiding your face in your hands. You cried thinking of the field where you usually met, thinking about its beauty now fading into ugliness. You thought about the wildflowers, withered and dead as autumn had come. You thought about how you were convinced you knew what love was.

“What’s the point?” you asked then. “What’s the point of putting your life in danger? Life isn’t some sort of a game, Choi San. Worse, what if you have to hurt someone? Do you think you’ll be able to pull the trigger?”

He clenched his jaw, hard. “Do me a favour and stop asking questions.”

You closed your eyes, feeling sick to your stomach. Because it couldn’t be. Not San. Not your smiley San, who’d always weave dandelions crowns with you, as you’d pretend you were a queen and a king of that field you had found. An empty field, an abandoned farmland that was just yours and his to explore. That had been home to your first kiss, and all of those that had followed.

Now you wondered why he had always wanted to meet there in the first place. Was he trying to hide?

"If you love me, you’ll get out while you still can,” you said as your tears suddenly ended.

There was a weird sense of clarity in you, suddenly. You remembered the day you had fallen in love, the moment you had first kissed. You remembered the stars in the sky above, the meteors falling for the two of you. You remembered the music on the radio you had brought. Some Arctic Monkeys song about heartbreak, about moving on and failing to do so. As a joke, when it had ended, you had asked San, “Do you think love is a laserquest?”

His answer had been cryptic, mysterious, things that had made you believe he was the one. “Maybe. Maybe it is, and I’ve shot you in the back while you weren’t looking. Maybe I’m that annoying player that won’t leave you alone.”

“I’ll never find you annoying,” you had replied.

But today, watching the rain rolling down his face like tears, you realized that maybe, maybe you should have seen the warning behind his words. Because this betrayal, it came like he had shot you in the back – you didn’t think you’d be able to recover from it.

The past dwindled away as San spoke again, reminding you of the question you had just asked him. “It’s not a question of love, Y/n. I do love you. But it’s a question of survival.”

You laughed, coldly, and then you said, “You know what? You’re full of shit.”

“Alright then. Do me a favour and tell me to go away.”

“Go away.”

A long silence had lingered between you, voided of that summer warmth that had you falling in love. Like a piece was missing from the contract of you loving him, and him loving you. And you realized, maybe you had never really loved each other anyway.

He nodded once when you didn’t say anything else, before turning away. And you watched him walk away. You watched him thinking he was going to turn around and tell you this was just some twisted joke, the prank of the century. Only, he never turned around, and he disappeared behind the bend in the road, never to be seen again, cracking your heart open and splitting it in half.

*****

The sun sets, like an ending to a dream. You’ve always liked the end – you think if you could choose, you’d want to witness the end of the world. The nostalgia, the beauty of endings… it’s something you understand now that you didn’t understand when you were younger. Because you and San ending, it had led to you focusing on high school. It had allowed you to get in the good college in town, with a scholarship that covered most of your expenses before you made it to med school.

There’s beauty in knowing losing San has allowed you to live out your dreams.

There’s less beauty in knowing that San has been sleeping for almost thirty-four hours now. Last time you checked, he was still breathing, but you’re starting to be afraid that he just won’t wake up. It’s irrational, you know – after the blood loss it makes sense that he’d sleep for a long time.

But it leaves you with far too much time on your hands to think and revisit the past. You’ve been doing it all day – thinking about the fight with your parents that had led to your break-up with San, thinking about that damn rainy evening he had walked away without once looking back. Thinking of the field, of sunshine and star falls and the sweetness of a first kiss. Thinking that, then, you thought you knew what it was like to be in love.

You haven’t dated anyone serious since San. Hyunmin was a distraction for a while, but you never were into it. Not like you were into San. There’s a guy in your class though, that you’ve been chatting with for a couple of weeks. He’s sweet, innocent, and the perspective of a future seems less scary with him around. He’s mentioned he wants to move across the country once too, and since then you’ve started talking more, the similarity of your wishes drawing you closer.

All day today you’ve been feeling like you’re slowly drifting away though. Slowly getting entrapped in a web you’re not sure you’ll be able to walk away from.

You decide to swim, seeking the fresh clarity only cold water can bring to you. You don’t have a swimsuit with you, but since San is half-dead in bed you figure it doesn’t matter. So you strip naked, feet making squelching sounds in the mud by the lake side as you step in the water.

The sharp cold has you holding your breath, but you don’t slow down. You’ve never slowed down in life – when you make a decision, you bring it to completion. And you’ve decided to swim, so swim you will.

The warm summer evening breeze catches in your hair as you take another step forward, the water now lapping at your thighs. You dread the moment it’ll hit your core, knowing that that’s the worst part, but you breathe in deeply, moving forward. Because there’s no moving backwards now.

When the water hits, your eyes flutter shut, and you hold in the wince that threatens to escape the mask of calm your features hold. Soon enough, you get deep enough to swim, and the movements bring welcomed warmth to your limbs as you flop on your back, tits out of the water.

Your uncle’s cabin is the only cabin in a fifteen miles radius. You know you won’t be interrupted, and so you let the water cool you down. Calm you down, hold you in its fresh embrace. It undoes knots in your back that have formed from worrying about San, but also from worrying about college.

From worrying that you will never be enough. You think it’s a normal anxiety to have, something most people must feel as they go through the trials of college, not knowing what to expect on the other side. A nice career, perhaps, though the perspective of failure is there too, looming over the horizon.

You sigh, and your eyes flutter open as your legs move mindlessly under you, making sure to keep you afloat. You look up at the azury ceiling over your head, so far away as it slowly turns gold. Out of touch, out of grasp. You watch the fluffy white clouds that are lazily crossing the sky, turning fiery in the sunset, as if they have all the time in the universe. And you wish you were them, up above. With nothing to worry about.

Without a Choi San on the brink of death lying about twenty meters away from you. You sigh, and you turn in the water, with the purpose of swimming again. Though your gaze catches movement by the cabin, and your head snaps towards it to see none other than the supposedly Choi San, standing on the deck with a hand clutching his side.

You shriek, looking down at yourself. Most of you is hidden, but you don’t know how long he’s been there. Don’t know if he’s seen you naked as you looked up at the sky.

He doesn’t move, only watches you where you’re swimming.

“Can you please look away?” you say from the water, and he has the nerves to lean against the railing, eyes still boring into where you’re swimming. You think his gaze might be so hot the water will boil, and it startles you into action.

You start walking out of the water, pointing towards the door. “You shouldn’t be up, Choi San.”

“I feel fine,” he says as you take another step forward, and the water barely hides your tits anymore.

That makes him turn around, as he offers you a little bit of privacy. You’re quick to get out of the water and wrap yourself in the towel you brought outside, and then you collect your clothes to head back to the cabin. San dutifully keeps his gaze away until you’re climbing the three steps leading to the deck, and it’s then that his eyes trail to you again.

“Thank you for the water,” he says, offering you a tentative smile.

You left water by his bedside earlier today hoping it will coax him to wake up. You’re strangely surprised that it worked.

“You should go sit inside,” you scold him, only half-heartedly. Because seeing him up and about reassures you, somehow.

He cocks an eyebrow, a smile playing at the corner of his lips. “The weather is beautiful, I’d rather sit outside.”

You roll your eyes, but you do let him walk down the stairs to sit by the fireplace while you go inside to take a quick shower and get dressed. You decide to make some food for him, though you know he shouldn’t eat too much right now, after not having eaten for a while. He has to start slowly, and you don’t even know if he’s hungry anyway.

You settle for preparing a cup of chicken noodle soup for him, so at least it isn’t too heavy on his stomach. You bring it to him outside, as he’s just calmly observing the lake.

“Thank you,” he says, voice small as he grabs the cup and the spoon.

You sit next to him, trying not to watch him eat too much. His hair is sticking to his forehead in some places, and you have the distinct thought that he’ll probably need to shower. At least there’s plenty of rain water in the bucket for the water pump.

“What have you been doing while I was out?” he asks.

You spare him a quick glance before losing your gaze in the rocks of the fireplace. “I’ve studied. Checked up on you. Not much honestly.”

He chuckles. “I’d argue that caring for someone is a lot.”

You glance at him, cheeks burning at the sight of his teasing smile. “Not really.”

He chuckles again, but doesn’t say anything more before eating another spoonful of soup. He’s almost done with the cup when he actually does speak, asking, “How long was I out?”

“A day and a half,” you answer. “I’m actually surprised you haven’t slept longer.”

You can hear the smirk in his voice when he says, “I’m made of tough stuff.”

You snicker, but you don’t say anything, just focusing on where you’re kicking at the dirt. When he’s done with the cup, he puts it down on the ground next to him, before sitting back in the chair. He stretches out his legs in front of him, sighing deeply.

“I still feel out of it,” he admits, and you meet his gaze.

“You can sleep more,” you tell him. “I’d just like to check on the…”

You don’t even have to finish your sentence. He immediately turns so his side is to you, and you have to admit you’ve done a perfectly good job with the stitches.

“So?” he asks.

“All good.” You pat his shoulder. “You can sit comfortably again.”

He’s smiling when he does so, and his gaze wanders to the lake once again. “I’m sorry I…” he trails off, and he chuckles softly. “I’m sorry I interrupted your little swim earlier.”

You have the decency to flush furiously red, and you shrug your shoulders. “No worries, I wasn’t expecting you to be up so soon.”

You fall in a comfortable silence, surprisingly so. Rare stars dot the darkening sky up above, and all that can be heard for a moment is the flap of a bird’s wing as it moves from branches to branches in the trees by the water. The breeze picks up as you watch the little bird, and the leaves dance, loudly so. You’d think it’d be deafening in the silence between you and him, but it’s strangely reassuring.

As if, after all, you found your way back to the field. Only this time it’s completely different, as if decades have passed between you. At least, that’s how it feels like.

You notice San has dozed off in the chair next to you when you were about to speak to him again. To ask him how he’s truly been, in the years between then and now. Hoping to avoid mentioning what led to him coming to you, yesterday, a whole eternity ago.

You watch him, heart aching in your chest. Aching to reach out and brush his hair away from his forehead, aching to heal the cut on his cheek with a gentle swipe of your fingers. If only medicine was so simple…

It seems the peace of the early evening wasn’t going to stay around, because you notice dark clouds rolling in the distance, streaks of lightning cutting through them. Slowly inching closer, menacingly so, and you gently wake San up with your hand on his wrist.

He startles awake, hand shooting to his waist, finding nothing there. It startles you, and you both stare at each other for a moment until you realize what he was looking for.

His gun.

“San…” you let out and he runs his hand through his hair, eyes falling shut as he breathes in and out raggedly.

“Sorry.”

“San, I’m so sorry.”

He doesn’t open his eyes, refuses to let you see the vulnerability you glimpsed behind his piercing gaze. Refuses to acknowledge that he’s terrified, deadly so.

“Let’s go in,” you tell him, softly. Because you’re afraid you’ll spook him, when he’s clearly been living in fear long enough. “There’s a storm coming.”

He nods, carefully getting up without sparing you a glance. He heads inside, hand clutching his side again, while you pick up the chicken noodle soup cup before following him.

You’ve refilled the generator before swimming, so you know it’s been charging the batteries for a while now. You don’t fear ending up in the dark with San, and there’s also always the option of using the lamps and candles your uncle always leave here in case of an emergency.

The storm doesn’t roll in until a little later. You’ve forced San to put a shirt on – mostly so your eyes would stop betraying you, dropping to his toned body whenever he talked to you. You’re currently sitting on the couch, and as the rain starts, hammering against the window behind you, you pull your legs to your chest, wrapping your arms comfortably around them.

“How hard do the storms hit here?” he asks, eyes trailed to the world outside.

You follow his gaze, right as wind picks up to make the water hit the window even harder, creating a cacophony that forces you to speak louder for him to hear. “Pretty hard.”

He nods, and he glances once at you. “Fun.”

You smile, because you’ve always liked storms. Have always found them electrifying, energizing.

“Do you remember when we used to go to the field when it rained?” San asks, taking you by surprise.

Making your heart clench so hard in your chest you have to take a wobbly breath in. If he notices he doesn’t say.

“We were always in that field,” you remind him. “No matter the weather.”

It’s his turn to smile fondly. “It got so pretty with all the wildflowers. But you were afraid of the bees.”

“Bees are scary!” You laugh, and he echoes it with a soft chuckle. “You’re the one that almost pissed yourself when we saw the rat.”

That makes him laugh, and he winces in pain clutching his side. “Gosh, is it supposed to keep on hurting like this?”

It douses your enthusiasm and your smile falls. “Well, it was a solid cut.”

His eyes get lost in the void as he takes on a wistful expression. “I’m surprised I didn’t die.”

You gulp, watching his profile carefully. “It wasn’t deep enough for that…” you trail off, even though you spent most of yesterday and today being convinced he’d die. “At least they didn’t… stab you.”

“They would have if… Wooyoung didn’t shoot.”

You remain silent, not knowing what to reply to that. San interprets that as discomfort, and he quickly adds, “He didn’t shoot them. Just… in the air. It attracted the police.”

You remember the cars zooming past the diner a lifetime ago, and you nod your head. “I heard.”

He seems surprised, and his gaze finally finds yours again. “You did?”

“Yeah.” You chuckle, a little awkwardly. “I hear a lot of shootings, in the diner.”

His eyes widen, mouth falling open cutely. “You do?”

You don’t know what he expected. The diner is right between Ateez and Bangtan territory, and as much as it is a safe space, it is also near enough to dangerous grounds, and you’ve heard plenty of shooting in your time working there.

“Always,” you admit. “It can get scary sometimes… but you also get used to it.”

He looks sad. Infinitely so, like a lost puppy. That’s when the first thunder hits, so sharp and sudden you startle. Not quite as much as San, who ducks, wincing in pain as he clutches his side.

“Shit,” he curses. “Sorry.”

“What’s wrong?” you ask, in time with another thunderclap, though this time it’s more of a rumble.

You watch his chest as he breathes in and out quickly. “Just… fuck.”

Now, concern grows in you, and you gently put a hand on his shoulder. “San…”

He meets your gaze, and there’s so much white in his it makes you think of a terrified prey. And then it clicks: he thought it was a gunshot.

“Hey,” you quickly say, moving closer to him. You’re on the side of the stitches, so you still keep a safe distance between the two of you, but you grab his hand nonetheless. “You’re okay.”

“Fuck,” is all he’s able to say.

“I promise, no one’s going to find you here.”

He remains silent this time around, eyes still boring into yours. You take that as a cue to continue, because you don’t want him to panic. You want his thoughts here, with you, and not miles away in a city he should have escaped from years ago. You wish he had, knowing the atrocities that he would have avoided.

Would he have escaped with you, had you stayed just a little longer?

“I killed someone,” he says, and you balk at the silver lining his gaze. “I fucking killed him.”

You don’t know how to help. All you can think to do is cup his cheek, right as he starts breathing even faster. “Breathe with me, San.”

He doesn’t say anything, but his eyes fall to your mouth. You make a good show of inhaling slowly, before exhaling even slower. It takes him a moment but he eventually follows your lead.

It breaks when there’s another sharp thunderclap, and he flinches, eyes shutting instinctively.

“Hey hey hey,” you say again, even more gentle, softer than before. You move even closer, and when a tear slips out of his closed eyes, you pull him into a hug, careful not to brush his side.

His head falls on your shoulder, and one of his arms wrap around your waist. A thunderclap later, he starts sobbing, fist balling the fabric of your shirt in his tight hold, and you let him do it. You let him hold onto you, hoping it’ll keep him here with you. Hoping it’ll keep him afloat during the storm that’s raging both outside and in his mind.

“It’s going to be okay,” you breathe, and you feel like you’re lying to him.

Because how can he ever be safe from the ghosts inside of his skull? The ghosts wandering the halls of him, tainting his soul with their presence?

“He’s never going to smile again,” San chokes out. “Everyone loved him. Even in Ateez… Jungkook was the best of us. The only one who had a shot at getting out of it.”

You don’t know how good he could have been, if he was a member of Bangtan. In your mind, you’d always seen Bangtan as the bad guys, mostly because they weren’t with San. Even when you had been struggling to evade that life, you’d still rooted for him.

It’s strange how you just realize that now, as you’re holding him while he breaks.

“You didn’t mean to kill him,” you remind San, still speaking with the calmest voice you can muster up. “You didn’t want to, San. You’re not a murderer.”

“I’m still a killer,” he says. He sounds angry, and you reckon he might be angry at himself. Might be consumed with his actions, dragged to hell before his time as his mind gets stuck replaying the events.

“Maybe,” you answer. “But,” you quickly add when he stiffens in your arms. “But you can spend the rest of your life making up for it. Repenting.”

He doesn’t respond right away, as he breaks some more, sobs rocking through him. You’ve never seen him like this, not even when you were younger and in love. It makes your gaze wet, yet you hold on strong for him. You keep your head held high, and you allow him to break in the safe haven that your arms represent.

Because to him, you’ve never been tainted. You’ve always been the ideal he was trying to pursue, albeit the wrong way.

“I don’t know how to repent,” he admits when he calms down. He turns his head, and his nose brushes along the skin of your neck, slightly tickling you. You ignore the feeling, especially as he adds, “Ateez… it’s all I’ve ever known.”

You run a hand on his back, soothingly. “It isn’t.”

Because there was you, too. There was the summer field and the twinkling stars and Artic Monkeys on the radio. There was the two of you, petal-soft kisses exchanged in the dead of night and in the brightness of day. There were rainy days, and then there was rain. There was him walking away, and you hate yourself then.

You wish you had stopped him that day, had kept him from going on to become what he’s become now. A person he clearly hates, someone that has a bounty on his head. Someone that doesn’t even believe they’re allowed redemption and you reckon you don’t even know if he is.

You only know that seeing him break is bending your will, the way the wind outside is bending the trees. All you can hope is that, like the tall trees, you won’t break.

*****

The storm calmed down sometime around midnight. San ended up falling asleep on the couch, as you’d reassuringly ran your hand through his hair, trying to keep him with you. Though you think he’s been slipping through your fingers, into his demons.

You’ll find a way to bring him back. You have to. Turns out it comes faster than you think, as the electricity runs out and you busy yourself with lighting some candles throughout the main room. When you’re done, you put a blanket over him, and you almost let out a startled scream as his eyes shot open.

“Hello,” you say, resting a hand on your heart to tame the wild beats.

You’re about to move away, but he grabs your hand, forcing you to sit next to him. You don’t really resist, though you think you probably should. You’re weak – weaker still when he murmurs your name.

“San,” you whisper in return, and you’re aware your voice carries too much longing. Longing for a past when life’s atrocities hadn’t changed either of you yet.

“I’m so sorry,” he apologizes, and a tear rolls on his cheek.

You dry it, fingers lingering there. “It’s okay.”

“Angel…”

The nickname brings you back to laser quests and favours and warmth creeping up your stomach for the first time in your life.

“I’m no angel,” you breathe.

“You saved me.”

You hold his gaze. There’s something hiding behind his pupils. The need, to forget. You don’t think you have the ability to run his mind through amnesia, but still you brush his cheek again.

“You deserved saving.”

His eyes glaze once more, though this time no tears fall. “It’s hard to believe it.”

“Do you still believe love is a laser quest?” you ask him, out of the blue.

As if you’re a line straight of that Arctic Monkeys song you listened to the first time you kissed.

“Maybe,” he says, a parallel to that first time you had asked the question. “Maybe it is.”

You can’t resist. You lean down, and you press the gentlest kiss on his lips. His are dry, but the way he sighs with you against him is soft, for your heart and for your mind, and you kiss him again. He lets you lead, follows the dance of your lips, lets you run your hand through his sweaty hair.

Even if you shouldn’t. Even if you know everything you’re doing right now is a mistake, you still find yourself deepening the kiss, opening your lips to slip your tongue out, teasing his mouth. One of his hands finds your thigh, and he squeezes ever so slightly as his tongue finds yours, and you let out a breathy sound.

When you pull away, eyes fluttering open, you find San’s gaze. You think about the boy he was then, the girl you were then. You think about who you were, together. And when he says, “Please make me forget”, you lean again, capturing his mouth in a languid kiss.

For a reason unknown, the summer sky and falling stars pale in comparison to this kiss. Maybe because it holds longing, nostalgia. Hope that life would have turned out differently. For a moment, you picture what it would have been like, without Ateez. With you and him in the field, in your family house, in a car driving by the beach, windows down as the sun sets and you sing along to the radio, wind blowing in your hair.

You see a whole life there, with you and him marrying in the field, under the sun that had been the host of your first love. You imagine growing up by his side, attending college with him in the big city. You imagine how he would have become the owner of his own construction company, like his dad before him. You picture kids laughing, running around the house he would have built for you. You see Christmas light, late nights antics by the firelight.

You see it all, and you know you’ll never have any of it. But if you can have tonight, then you’ll grab it before it slips through your fingers. Before he walks away in the rain again, only to be a memory you cherish in the deepest corners of your heart.

“How?” you ask him when you pull away.

Mostly, you’re asking how to make him forget. But you’re also asking how it is that the feelings are still there, even stronger now, as if they’ve grown up with you, yet haven’t changed like you have. Like they are a constant of an ever-changing universe.

“Kiss me again,” he asks, begs, and you give in. You kiss him wildly, always making sure not to touch his side and the stitches.

You know sex would be a stupid idea, especially with the fresh stitches. But also because he’s barely had time to recover. But he doesn’t really give you a choice, pulling you on top of him until you’re straddling him.

You sit back on him for a second, eyes trailing to the spot where you know the stitches are. “This isn’t a good idea,” you whisper through the ragged breaths caused by the ministrations of his mouth on yours and of yours on his.

“I’m fine,” he says, and you know you shouldn’t believe him. But when he pulls you down again, large hand holding the nape of your neck firmly so you don’t escape, you want to believe him.

Want to believe the beauty of his lies, like you had when you were younger.

From where you’re perched, you can feel the start of his erection pressing against you, and you moan softly in the kiss, rolling your hips. His mouth falls open, and you capture his tongue, sucking on it once before you pull away, leaving hot kisses on his jaw.

“Sit on my face,” he says, and he sounds out of his mind. Crazed, a little like you too feel at the moment.

“What?”

“Can’t get hurt if you sit on my face, angel,” he explains, and then hisses when you suck a hickey on his neck.

You let him pull your shirt off, unclasping your bra yourself as you sit back on his lap. He cups your breasts, rolling your erect nipples between his thumbs and indexes. You moan again, grinding your hips into his, and he hisses once more.

“You want to taste me?” you ask, head throwing back as he pinches your nipples hard.

“I’d fuck you, but you’re the doctor. Can’t risk fucking up my stitches, huh?” he replies, voice low and husky.

Your core heats up, pussy clenching around nothing. This is a side of him you’ve never seen, though you spy desperation beneath it. Like he thinks he doesn’t have forever, when it comes to you.

He’s right. Because tomorrow, you’ll have to go back into town, into the hellscape you call home. What will be left of the two of you then?

So when he tugs at your pants, you give in and get up, taking off your pants and panties in one swift motion. You step out of them, blood heating up by the way he’s looking at you through half-lidded eyes, gaze burning on you.

You have half a thought that you could probably ride him instead of his face, but when you see his pink tongue darting out to wet his lips, making them glisten in the candlelight, you need to know what it’ll feel like against you.

So you straddle his face as he guides you down, large hands pushing on your thighs until your pussy is a hairsbreadth away from his lips. He blows on it, and your eyes shut with sensitivity. You clutch the cushion of the couch, hoping it’ll help steady you, but the moment his tongue flicks at your clit, you realize nothing will be able to steady you. Yet you still hold onto it, especially as he dives his tongue between your folds, lapping up your juice. He moans in contentment, before moving to your clit again. And his tongue is wicked down there, like it knows exactly what you like.

You grab a handful of his hair, grinding into his face. You’re pretty sure he’s chuckling down there, and then he unleashes himself. Sucking hard, alternating circling motions to teasing you with his teeth. You’d expect the latter to hurt, but the way he does it just makes you see stars, and your pussy clenches around nothing again.

San is deadly good with his mouth. Both with crafting lies and pulling moans out of you, and your thighs tighten against his face as he sucks particularly hard, before dipping his tongue inside of you. His nose brushes your clit, and then he forces you to properly sit on him.

The way his tongue moves inside of you, lapping up your juices while opening you up, has you on the brink of an orgasm in no time. Especially as he makes you grind again, holding you tight into place. When one of his hands moves from around your thigh to reach your clit, you cry out, head throwing back.

He’s quick to rub at your sensitive clit, and you grab one of your breasts, massaging it mindlessly before you pinch your nipple, hard, right in time with a skilled swipe of his tongue. Your orgasm meets you there, shaking through you as it explodes in a blinding flash of light. You moan, loudly, something that resembles his name, and he keeps you going, guides you through your high until you cringe with oversensitivity.

Only then does he let you climb off from his face. You stand on wobbly legs, before deciding to sit next to him, and you catch sight of the smirk on his lips. It makes you blush, right as you realize what you’ve just done.

When you realize what kind of sinful activity he’s dragged you in, this time around.

“Gosh,” is all you manage to say.

He chuckles, clearly proud with himself. “That felt good?”

You worry at your bottom lip, eyes going down to the tent in his pants. You want to pleasure him too, to take him in your mouth and make him feel good, but he stops you with a hand wrapped around your wrist.

“Don’t.”

You still and you meet his gaze with slightly-widened eyes. “Why not?”

His features turn somber, haunted, and the heat of the moment passes so quickly you think it might have been a figment of your imagination.

Were you really riding his face just a moment ago?

“Please just lay next to me,” he says, barely even a whisper.

You don’t know a lot of men that would choose cuddling over getting a blowjob, but if that is what he wants, then you’ll give it to him. You lay next to him, glad that the injured side is closer to the couch. That way, you can cuddle up to him, resting your head on his shoulder while he wraps an arm around you.

“Angel,” he murmurs after a time. “You’re a fucking angel. I think you’re my salvation.”

You highly doubt you hold this kind of power, but you don’t want to tell him. Have never been good at weaving beautiful lies for him to believe.

“We should stay here,” he continues. “Forever.”

And you wish you could. Wish reality didn’t exist, didn’t call for you to go back to your regular life like you’ve never been here with him. But you know tomorrow exists, and you’ll have to leave.

“We should have stayed in the field,” you choose to answer. “Under the shooting stars.”

“I wished for a lifetime with you, then,” he admits. “I wished I’d never have to let you go.”

You’d wished for a similar thing, but life is far too cruel to allow a world of first loves.

“Why did you…” you trail off. The question has haunted your sleepless nights for a long time after the break-up. Even years later, you’d still think about it sometimes, wondering if nostalgia would choke you up. “Why did you decide to join the gang?”

He tenses next to you. But you start tracing a mindless circle on his chest, through the shirt, and it distracts him enough for him to reply. “I thought I didn’t have a choice.”

“Did you?”

His voice holds the weight of the world when he says, “I did. And I made the wrong one.”

You want to cry, but you’re older now. You’re not the teenager who thought she was going to die from losing him anymore. You know what living without Choi San is like, and as much as it hurts, you know that it’s doable.

“You made the one you believed was right,” you say carefully. “But I do wish you had made a different one.”

He holds you a little tighter, as if that will make it so tomorrow never comes. “Me too.”

There’s an eternity of flickering candlelight on the ceiling, of the circles you trace on his chest and of your breathings forming a melody. Outside, the wind has died down, and the world is silent except from an occasional cricket braving the world after the storm.

“Where will you go, once you graduate?” he asks, taking you by surprise.

Because he knows. It’s one of the few things that hasn’t changed.

“As far away from here as I can.”

“I hope you find peace, wherever you go,” he whispers. “I hope you forget all about how we grew up in a hellhole.”

Do you feel bad for saying it? Maybe. But you can’t help saying it anyway. “I will, San.”

And like that rainy day years ago, you think you can see him walk away.

*****

Seven years later

The winter sun is strangely bright, up above. You’d think it will warm you up, but the cold is relentless, violent, and it sneaks into your coat as you walk out of the hospital. You’ve just finished a thirty-hour shift, and you can’t wait to be home.

To take a shower and forget that you’ve lost a patient today.

But you’ve saved another. A young man, with a stab wound in his ribs that should have killed him. But you saved him, stabilized his condition to the point you don’t have to worry about him anymore. Which is the only reason why you’re allowing yourself to leave now.

You’re never able to leave until you know your patients are okay. It’s been that way since your first patient, in a cabin in the woods you’ve done your best to forget.

You’d let San stay, after that weekend. He had given you the number of one of his friends, so you could get some clothes for him, and you’d gone back the next weekend. Bringing him the clothes, making love to him under the moonlight as if that would change the ending.

The following week, you had gone back to find the cabin empty. He’d left a note behind.

I hope I can find you again, wherever you go.

You kept the note. It’s in your bedside table, back at home, in the nice apartment you’ve been able to rent for yourself with all the money you’ve been making now. Enough to pay back student loans from med school, enough to reassure you that never again will you struggle.

You’ve never seen San again after. He hasn’t found you, and you haven’t searched for him. Have only looked up his name a couple of times, in the months following his disappearing, scared you’d find out that he was found dead in a ditch. But his name never came up, and you wondered if he had managed to escape, if he had managed to find a place where Bangtan couldn’t reach him.

You found peace, on your side of the country. Life is kinder here, though it still holds the same atrocities. You wonder if it’s the novelty of the city, or maybe if you’ve just grown old enough to be able to withstand the bad that the world throws your way. It’s hard to tell – you haven’t kept contact with anyone from back home, except Jae-on.

Jae-on, who’s moved with you when you’ve decided to come here, like he said he would. Jae-on, who asked you to marry him in late October, and you said yes. The ring sits heavy on your finger, and you mindlessly play with it.

In another world, you would already be married to Choi San. Sometimes, you catch glimpses of that world – a piercing gaze in the morning, a smile and a kiss to your temple. Talks about angels, children screaming in happiness. In another world, you’d be pregnant again, waiting patiently to add another piece of you and him to this world.

It’s fun to think about, sometimes, but you’ve been good at forgetting. Like you told him you would – most times, you’ve forgotten all about Choi San.

But today, you had a patient that reminded you of him. So you allow yourself to feel, you allow yourself to think about that note tucked in the bottom drawer of your bedside table, hidden under the thick socks you never use.

You allow yourself to think about the cabin in the woods, about the field where you would have gotten married had you been in that picturesque world you like to imagine. You think about laser quests and first kiss and rainy days and meteors. You think about summer, about wildflowers and him.

You’re so lost in thought you miss your stop home, and you begrudgingly get out at the next one. You’re tired, and your hands are shaking as you pull your phone out of your tote bag, wanting to text Jae-on that you’re going to be home late because you missed your stop. You walk to the other side of the tracks, sighing when you see a five-minutes wait for the next subway.

At least the sun is high in the sky, even though it is dreadfully cold. You shiver, putting your phone back in your tote bag so you can hide your hands in your sleeves again, hoping it’ll preserve them from the cold.

In your exhaustion, you forgot your gloves back at the hospital, you realize. It’s strange that you only realize now, and you reckon you really need to sleep, because your brain isn’t even working right anymore.

You sigh, glancing at the display showing the time. Still four minutes to wait. You think at this rhythm you might freeze in your spot before the next subway comes. You try to hide your face in the lapel of your coat, but a movement on the other platform attracts your gaze.

A man is helping an older woman climb down the stairs. She’s speaking loudly, which might be what attracted your gaze in the first place. You follow them as they walk down the stairs, and then when the man turns towards you, you meet his piercing gaze.

He smiles, and you realize that maybe, all those years ago, he was not spinning lies to you after all.

☆☆☆☆☆

Gosh yeahhh rereading it had me ralize that it is a lot sadder than I remembered it to be. At least we got an open ending ... :') What did we think? Should I write about other groups more often? Let me know what you think! All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts, 2023. Do not copy, repost or translate

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