#fuck you to everyone that never supported me at my most vulnerable

[gougarfem]

i've never had such fake, shallow friendships as i have with white, liberal, "queer" friends. people i've supposedly been close with for years consistently left me on read when i texted them at 4am in hospital scared and alone with critically low sats because they didn't have the energy for emotional labour. you have to ask to vent, respect triggers, never ever traumadump, so real conversations are difficult because nobody wants to complain - unless, of course, it's related to identity somehow - you can say you had a bad day because your teacher is transphobic, but not because you had an argument at home or threw up or just didn't feel well - none of it comes from genuine concern but instead the rules and norms within your online community. constant reassurance, validation, knowing there's no possibility of a nuanced discussion on anything other than your approved safe topics. attempts at open communication feel sanitized and are laced with therapy-speak, not reflecting real human emotions, but "i sincerely apologize for crossing your boundaries" because it's ideologically wrong, the undertone is 'please don't make a callout on me', not 'i'm sorry', abuse and manipulation are wrong because they get you ostracised and put on blast publicly by your friendship group so any little disagreement comes with a flurry of reassurance that you aren't an abuser, and they still call you they/them behind your back, they still ask your other friends what they think of your opinion on ace discourse, have you crossed the line yet, can we cut you out yet, it's so fucking tiring and there's no space for real connection or humanity in all of it

#lav.txt #rant #vent #maybe I'm just tired and unmedicated but idk #fuck you to everyone that never supported me at my most vulnerable #but was sure to say they'd always be here

[ladymunson]

One 18+

Fic summary: Bucky struggles with his feelings toward you, which he hides by pretending he doesn’t trust you. You get placed on a mission together where trust is essential.

A/N: sorry if this is all over the place, it’s been a while since I’ve written anything so this might be a jumbled mess. Enjoy though!

Warnings: SMUT 18+, oral (f rec), fingering, language, unprotected p in v, kissing, heavy petting.

Word count: 5.3k

Not proofread and no beta (apologies for any mistakes)

I do NOT consent to my work being copied, translated or posted to any other platform.

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Dividers made by the wonderful @firefly-graphics and thank you to @jijilaufeyson for helping me make a decision.

“Are you serious?!” You throw your hands up in exasperation, “I’ve been with SHIELD for three years, I can do this mission by myself. I don’t need a babysitter!”

“Yes, you do.” Bucky sneers, you turn your head towards him and glare.

“I hate to agree with Barnes but he’s right, I think you still need someone to keep an eye on you. Your ex was HYDRA after all.” Tony says, as he crosses his arms over his chest.

You throw your head back in frustration, they’re never going to forget about him.

Three years ago, you had come back to the apartment you shared with you boyfriend of two years to find the place swarming with HYDRA agents. He had been assigned to you to eventually recruit you to HYDRA after they had discovered your abilities.

You’d always been able to sense how someone was feeling by just being near them and eventually it had morphed into being able to influence their emotions. You could walk into a party or a meeting and know exactly who to look out for, whether it be because they were vulnerable or someone with ill intention.

It took immense concentration, effort and energy to be able to change someone’s emotions without touching them. Which you always try and avoid, you don’t want to change someone unintentionally, you could ruin things for them. So, you manage to keep your emotions in check most of the time, and don’t accidentally influence anyone.

The moment you realised that Russell was HYDRA, you didn’t want anything to do with him anymore, but they weren’t going to let you go without a fight. Luckily, you’d befriended the Black Widow, Natasha Romanoff, when you’d met her and Wanda Maximoff one night at a local dive bar after Russ had blown you off again. One text to her and they’d both been at your door and helped you get away from the agents and back to the safety of Avengers Tower where you’d been subjected to an intense interrogation from Tony Stark, Cliff Barton and Bucky Barnes.

You’d thought that after all the years spent training and fighting by their sides, they would trust you by now, but obviously they don’t. Or more specifically; Bucky doesn’t. Cliff had decided you were trustworthy the first time he interrogated you and had told them as much, but Bucky wasn’t hearing it. So here you were three whole years later, still deemed untrustworthy by the Winter Soldier of all people.

“You know what…?” You start and Bucky smirks at you, adding more fuel to the fire. “I’m glad you’re doing the recon alone, gives me time to pack.” Bucky raises an eyebrow. “This is my last mission, I’m done. I quit!” You turn on your heel and leave the conference room without another word.

Bucky groans and places both hands on the table in front of him, flesh beside vibranium, and hangs his head.

“Well that went well Barnes.” Tony says as he walks over to the door. “Looks like I have to do damage control.” He points at Bucky. “You find something on that recon and figure out a way to fix this. We can’t lose her.” And leaves the room, the glass door swinging back and forth.

Bucky makes a fist and slams it down on the table in front of him. “Fuck!”

You stalk down the hallway, heading to your room, walking past everyone and ignoring them all as they try talking to you. Natasha notices and follows you to your room, the doors are automated so you can’t even slam it to let out your frustration. So, you throw your self face down on your bed and scream into the comforter. Natasha just stands by the door, not saying anything and waits for you to finish your screaming.

“Feel better?” She asks as you flip yourself over to lay on your back.

“I can’t believe he still doesn’t trust me! Well, it doesn’t matter anymore, I quit.” You say without looking in her direction.

“You didn’t quit.” Natasha says as she walks over to join you on your bed.

“I did, straight to Bucky and Tony’s faces. Both of them looked shocked but I don’t care anymore. I’m fucking done!” You say as you jump off the bed and begin going through your closet and putting clothes in a suitcase.

The one thing you want, is to have Bucky’s trust…. Okay there’s something you want more than his trust, but you’re never going to get it. If he doesn’t trust you to be member of his team, there’s no way he’s going to trust you in any sort of relationship. So rather than trying anymore, you’ve picked the nuclear option. Serves him right!

“Buck…?” Steve says as he walks into the conference room where Bucky is still hunched over the table. “What’s going on?”

“What is wrong with me Steve? Why can’t I trust people?”

“You mean y/n?” Steve asks. Bucky groans. “Buck, I think it’s obvious to everyone except you and y/n that you like her.” Bucky looks up at Steve. “In a romantic way.”

Bucky stammers, “N... no I don’t.” Steve raises an eyebrow and smirks at Bucky.

“You haven’t been in a relationship since she joined SHEILD, hell you haven’t even on a date in a year. You like her.”

“You’re right Steve, I do. But… She quit.” Bucky says as his head hangs head.

“What did you do? You know what, it doesn’t matter. Fix it!” Steve says and leaves the room.

You and Bucky avoid each other for the next week, but to be fair he was out doing recon for the mission with Sam, who had been ribbing him about his feelings for you and pissing Bucky off. They had however, been able to meet the mark and started integrating themselves into his world. Your role as Bucky’s girl would come later, and you couldn’t help feeling like he was ruining your chances to prove yourself. You could’ve done the getting to know the mark and maybe brought Bucky or Sam or even Steve in as your man later on.

You hated to admit it but their getting to know him first was the better plan as not many women were in that world.

The mark. Carlo Vizzini is the head of an organised crime syndicate, who deals stolen HYDRA and SHIELD weapons and technology to other members of the syndicate. The goal is to find the times and locations of all the shipments being brought into the city, finding a list of buyers would be the icing on the cake but it isn’t a priority.

Bucky’s role is to present himself as someone new to the area who wants to become a member of the syndicate. FRIDAY has come up with an elaborate backstory for the two of you, created entire histories for you both which you’ve spent the last week reviewing and learning. Your backstory isn’t too far away from your real story, so it isn’t hard to memorise. The problem is pretending to be his girl. How can you possibly work together and be convincing if it’s obvious to everyone that he doesn’t trust you. There has to be a reason why Tony suggested Bucky for the mission and not Steve, you don’t know what it is, not that you care because you won’t be around once this mission is completed.

The story. You and Bucky have moved to New York from Michigan, where was a mid level HYDRA agent who oversaw a warehouse that contained new tech. The place had been breached while he was attending a HYDRA event with you, and they had fired him for allowing the breach to happen (An actual event orchestrated by Vizzini).

You had been together for five years at the point you’re at, and Tony had decided to add the fact that you were recently engaged. So, you had to wear an obnoxiously huge diamond on your left ring finger, which really bugged you. You had both been set up in a brownstone in Brooklyn, sleeping in separate rooms but having to appear all lovey dovey in case you were being watched.

Four weeks later.

Carlo Vizzini has invited Bucky and you to an event hosted at his mansion in the Hamptons, where you will both be introduced to other syndicate members. So, you need a spa day and shopping trip where you can buy a dress for the event and be seen out and about acting like this is a normal occurrence. Tony has also arranged for someone from Tiffany to show up at your house and lend you some jewellery for the event as you’re a simple teeny hoop earring kind of girl.

You find the perfect dress while browsing online so it’s very easy to go and get it without having to actually search in store. Scratch that, Natasha found the dress for you and told you it would be a crime if you didn’t wear it.

The idea is to infiltrate the syndicate event, find the intel and get out without your cover being blown until the weapons and tech have been recovered. If your covers can last beyond that until the entire syndicate has been taken down, that’s even better.

So, you’ve been to the salon and had your hair done and are heading back to the brownstone when you notice the dark SUV you spotted outside the mall had parked across the road and the occupant was crossing over to you. You play it off like you haven’t noticed, a civilian wouldn’t have and that’s who you are for the foreseeable future.

“Excuse me? Y/N” The stranger starts a conversation with you.

“Yes? You answer, turning to face the person who has spoken to you.

“I’m sorry, I work for someone your boyfriend is trying to get into business with and he’s asked me to check that you out.”

You chuckle, “Fiancé.” The stranger looks confused. “He’s my fiancé, not my boyfriend. Does Mr Vizzini think we haven’t done the same the same to him? Can’t be too careful these days, too many con men around, especially in New York.”

The stranger seems a little taken aback by your words, but continues, like his job is at stake. “I have a few questions, if you wouldn’t mind answering.”

You cross your arms over your chest and cock an eyebrow. “Okay?”

He takes a picture out of his jacket and asks. “Who is this man?”

The picture is of Sam Wilson, the Falcon but you answer, “That is Sam, James’s brother, adopted of course. “

“And how long have you been together?”

“Five years, engaged for one. Are we done here? I have to get ready for a party.” You say and turn to the steps of your brownstone, heading up to your front door.

“One more question.” You turn to face him again. “Can I use your bathroom?” You sigh and open the door, directing him the right way and stay in the hallway so he doesn’t sneak anywhere else for a snoop. You hear the cistern flush and the squeak of the faucet, but you also hear the sound of the medicine cabinet being opened. Yep, he’s snooping. A few moments later he steps out of the bathroom and thanks you as he leaves your house.

You head straight into the kitchen and start the coffee machine; you then grab a detector out of the kitchen drawer and head into the bathroom. Using it to detect for a bug, which you find in the cupboard under the sink and leave it there. You have a get out your phone and send a message, one you’ve prearranged with Bucky, telling him about the bug.

‘Can’t wait to see your reaction when you see what I have on under my dress (followed) tonight. You’re not gonna be able to keep your cool or your hands (Suspicious) to yourself’

‘New lingerie?” (Bug?)

‘Maybe (yes), but you’re gonna have to wait and see’

‘Can’t wait’ (Understood)

You’re gonna have to start your charade earlier than anticipated and act like a real couple. I suppose there are worse things in life than pretending to be in a relationship with Bucky. You can’t deny that the dude is hot.

You pretend to use the bathroom by slowly pouring a bottle of water in the toilet, flushing and washing your hands. Then you head back into the kitchen to pour yourself a coffee.

Bucky arrives home a short while later, carrying a bouquet of roses (Sam’s idea) and gives you a kiss. You feel a little twinge in your stomach, feeling his lips on yours. His kiss is light and sweet.

Feeling your lips on his sends a thrill through Bucky, the feelings he’s been trying to hide for years bubbling to the surface and he has to stop himself deepening the kiss.

“There’s fresh coffee in the kitchen babe, I’m going to start getting ready. No peeking!” You say and head upstairs.

Bucky stays downstairs to drink a coffee and makes a few phone calls, all in character of course, before heading upstairs to get into his tux which takes only a few minutes. He’s back in the living room in less than ten minutes, waiting for you join him.

Bucky isn’t downstairs for very long before he hears your heels on the upper landing and stands up to greet you but at seeing you, his breath hitches in his throat.

(This is the dress you wear)

“You’re fucking stunning!” Bucky breathes out, causing you to grin.

“Not too bad yourself James.” You reply as you walk down the stairs and take his outstretched hand.

You arrive at the house in the Hamptons, impressed with the size of the place, hanging on to Bucky’s arm. The size of it is really impressive and you live in Avengers Tower.

Bucky thinks that he must thank Natasha for picking out that dress. He can’t keep his eyes off of you, that dress hugs your curves in all the right places. Bucky knows he needs to remain professional, but he really wants to get his hands on you and bring you pleasure like you’ve never known. He won’t have any problem pretending to be your lover tonight, because that’s the only thing he wants.

The party is in full swing an hour later, you’ve mingled with everyone, hanging on Bucky’s arm, acting like he’s your entire world. And to him, you are his world. It’s not acting, he’s crazy about you and has been since you met.

Another forty-five minutes go by with the both of you all over each other, giving you a reason to sneak off at some point, to find the intel you’re there to get.

Bucky’s arm is around your waist, holding you close to him as you leave the “ballroom” where the party is. You’re acting the part really well, practically hanging off of him, hands wandering. Walking down the hallway, still all over each other, opening doors looking for a place to have some privacy. Some rooms are all occupied, but the one you’re looking for is empty, Vizzini’s office. As soon as you’re in the room and you part ways, straight back to business, heading for his desk and turning on his computer. Plugging a USB drive you take off of your bracelet into it, and copying the files.

“Heads up Buck, Carlo is on his way and he’s not alone.” Sam says over comms. The last file copies just in time, and you attach the USB back to the bracelet and walk back around the desk.

“Shit!” Bucky says. “We’re gonna get caught!”

Your brain works quickly, “I have an idea, but you have to trust me.” You say as you switch the computer off.

Bucky nods. “Okay.” You pull him over to the wall beside the door and lean against it. You reach up under your dress and remove your underwear, Bucky’s eyes bulge out of his head. You throw your panties in the vicinity of the desk and reach down to undo Bucky’s pants. “What are you doing?!” He asks.

“I told you to trust me, I’ll get us out of this.” You unbutton his slacks and bunch up your skirt a little. “Lift me.” You instruct. Bucky catches on and lifts you, so your legs are wrapped around his waist. You wrap your arms around his shoulders and pull him close. “Go with it okay?” You say. Bucky gulps but nods and your lips meet in a searing kiss that makes you both moan out loud into each others' mouths. His hips begin to move instinctively, playing the part of a man who can’t keep his hands off of his girl. Bucky feels an usual sensation, kind of like a happiness he’s never felt before. As quick as he feels it, it goes away again.

You’re moaning loudly, alternating between passionate kisses and heavy breathing when Vizzini opens the door to his office and “catches” you, entering the room with two burly bodyguards. You gasp and fake panic.

“What the…?” He exclaims, his eyes bogging out of his head before he composes himself and continues. “This is my office, not a motel room!” You giggle. “This is not a laughing matter young lady, this is very inappropriate behaviour!” Bucky lifts you and places your heeled feet back on the floor and helps you rearrange your dress before tucking his shirt back into his slacks.

“We’re sorry Mr Vizzini, but when your girl looks like this, you have a hard time keeping your hands to yourself.” Bucky says as he wraps his arm around your shoulders.

“But this is my office!” Vizzini says, exasperatedly.

“We’re sorry but other rooms were occupied!” You say with a smirk. Vizzini nods and the two bodyguards rush out of the room, they return moments later, both red faced.

Vizzini nods again and turns to you. “We will not mention this again and our meeting Tuesday will go ahead.” Vizzini says. Before sitting at his desk and making a choked sound. “I think these belong to you.” He says, pointing to the black lace panties that had landed on the keyboard of his computer. You giggle and retrieve them from his desk, biting your lip as you do.

“Sorry again!” You giggle as Bucky wraps his arm around you and leads you out of the office. You head back to the party, makes it seem less like obvious that you’re involved in espionage.

You both carry on playing the devoted couple, you’re hanging off of him like someone who can’t get enough of their man. Sneaking kisses here and there, selling the bit. Vizzini reappears a little while later and blushes when you and he make eye contact, you smirk back at him and pull Bucky in for a kiss. It’s after midnight by the time your car has pulled up outside and you’ve said your goodbyes.

You’re still all over each other as you get into the car, smiling and waving to everyone as the car pulls away. You keep the act up until you’re on your way out of the Hamptons and on the free way before you separate, in case you were followed. You stay close to each other just so you can snap back together quickly if you noticed someone watching you or for when you get back to the brownstone that is your “residence” at least until this mission is over.

You can smell Bucky’s cologne and it’s been invading your nostrils since you walked down the stairs before leaving in the early evening. It’s lingering on your skin from how you’ve been all over each other all night. You recognise it as Sauvage, one of your absolute favourites. You can’t remember Bucky ever wearing it before, he’s usually a Hugo Boss guy, which is another of your favourites. You momentarily let your control slip (not for the first time this evening) and imagine what it would be like, to have Bucky’s affections and let happiness bloom inside you, but you stop it as soon as you feel it reaching your face.

Bucky has put so much effort into hiding how he feels, he feels like he’s suffocating right now. He feels something again, like a happiness that he’s never felt before. But it disappeared as quickly as he feels it. The truth is drowning him and he needs to tell you how he feels, the thought actually terrifies him though. What if you reject him? What if you don’t feel the same way?

He needs to talk to Steve, find out how to approach this because he can’t lose you before he’s even had you. The car pulls up to your brownstone and you both get out, his arm around your shoulders as you head up the steps. “I need to go run a quick errand I’ll be back soon, wait up for me?” Bucky asks.

“Of course, baby, I’ll see you when you get back.” You reply with a kiss on the lips, smiling at him as you unlock the door and step inside, closing it behind yourself and leaning against the door with a sigh.

Bucky runs to the bodega on the corner and uses their pay phone, making sure that he’s concealed before dialling.

“Hello…?” Steve answers on the fourth ring, his voice scratchy with sleep.

“How do I tell her? After everything, what do I say?” Bucky’s words are rushed out, not even telling Steve that it’s him.

Steve lets out a sigh. “Buck, just say what you feel. Honestly is the best policy. She needs to know what you feel is real and not because of what you’re both living right now. Open up, I think she will be more open than you expect. I’m going back to sleep now.” Steve hangs up and Bucky is more determined than ever.

He grabs a bottle of wine and some other items so it looks like he had a legit reason to be in the bodega, pays and heads back to your brownstone.

He unlocks the door, you’re not in the living room when he gets back so he quickly takes off the jacket of his tux and goes into the kitchen and puts the items he bought away. Bucky rolls the sleeves of his white shirt up his arms, grabs two glasses and opens the wine then heads upstairs.

You’re in your bedroom, you’ve taken off your dress and are wearing a short black silk robe. He walks in with the wine and goes to speak but the words die in his throat. He takes a deep breath and closes the door, you raise an eyebrow but take one of the wine glasses off of him as he pours the red wine into it. He pours his own, puts the bottle down and takes a big gulp from his glass.

“We need to talk.” The words rush out with his breath.

“About what?” You reply.

“I’m sorry.” Bucky says, looking straight in your eyes. “I act like I don’t trust you because it’s easier than admitting the truth, but the truth is what you deserve so here goes…” You look at him expectantly. Bucky takes another deep breath before he continues. “I like you and I have since we met, and it scared me because I’ve never caught feelings that quickly before. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever caught feelings like I have for you, with anyone. I think I…” he stops himself.

“You think you what?” You nudge.

“I think I’ve fallen in love with you.”

You look into his eyes and the cerulean blue shows nothing but sincerity. He means it. He loves you. You contemplate telling him how you feel but actions speak louder than words.

You walk to Bucky, standing in front of him. You lick your lips he looks into your eyes, searching for hesitation and finding none. He reaches out for you, his hand grabs the back of your neck and he pulls you closer. His lips brush yours and your breath hitches in your throat. You look into each others eyes and you wrap your arm around his neck, pulling him closer and planting a firm kiss on his lips.

Your lips feel like they were made to kiss his, they slot together perfectly, like two halves of a whole. He sighs contentedly as your lips open to allow his tongue access, your tongues dance together, caressing each other as your bodies get even closer.

Something snaps in Bucky and he pulls you towards him, walking backwards until he’s against the wall. He spins you around and pushes you against the wall, breaking the kiss and leaving you panting for breath.

“I need you to say that you want this, please say you want this. I can’t bear one more moment without touching you.” Bucky says breathlessly.

“I want it, I want you.” You say and reach out for him again. He kisses you sweetly, pulls back and sinks to his knees. He plants a kiss on the inside of your knee which makes you shudder. “Fuck!” You moan out as his mouth kisses up your thigh, getting closer and closer to your centre. Bucky lifts your robe and groans out loud, noticing that you never replaced the underwear you removed in Vizzini’s office. He grabs your knee and lifts your leg, hooking it over his shoulder and moving his mouth to your mound, licking a stripe from your hole to your clit. “Holy shit!!” You moan out and grab Bucky’s head with one hand and scratching at the wall with the other.

Bucky groans at your taste and begins to practically make out with your pussy, his eyes glassed over as your juices drip down his chin. His uses two fingers on his flesh hand and teases your hole, gathering your slick until he can sink them into you, straight to the knuckle. He’s eating you with such fierce ferocity and fucking you with his fingers so passionately that your orgasm builds quickly. “I’m not gonna last much longer.. I’m gonna…” a long moan escapes your lips as your orgasm washes over you. You shudder and shake, struggling to breathe as you ride the waves of your climax, your cunt pulsating around his fingers.

Bucky’s oral ministrations slow as your orgasm dies down, and your breathing returns to normal. He removes his fingers and your leg from his shoulder, stands and unbuttons his shirt before removing it and using it to wipe his face. He stands there in a white vest, his face flushed and looks at you adoringly. Bucky undoes your robe and lets it fall off your shoulders, leaving you in just your bra. You reach out and undo his pants, pushing them down leaving him in just a pair of black boxers. You can see his erection straining the fabric, you want nothing more than to take what you can tell is an impressive member out of his underwear and show him how good your head game is. Bucky however has other ideas.

“Take off the bra, please. I need to see all of you.” He says, his eyes still glassy. You oblige and he groans out loud, he steps forward and pushes you against the wall again. He takes your left breast in his hand and massages gently, causing you to arch into him. He lowers his head and takes your nipple in his mouth, circling the tight bud with his tongue. Bucky stops and plants a searing kiss on your mouth, it’s sloppy, full of teeth and tongues. He pushes his underwear down as you’re kissing, depriving your view.

You still don’t get a glimpse as he grabs your ass and lifts you, your legs automatically going around his waist as you continue your assault on each others' mouths, it’s like you can’t get enough. Bucky breaks off the kiss as he looks into your eyes, the both of you are heavy breathing already. “Ready?” He asks, you nod. “Words baby.”

“Yes please!” You feel the head of his cock against your entrance, gathering as much of your creamy slick as he can. Before notching inside you, your eyes roll back in your head as he slides into your wet cunt, painstakingly slowly. He wants you to feel every inch, every vein, the way he throbs for you. Once he bottoms out in you, you release the breath you didn’t realise you were holding. Your arms are around Bucky’s shoulders, holding onto him for dear life. You’ve never felt so full, so… complete. There’s a slight sting and burn, you can only assume but there’s a very good chance that he’s big and girthy.

Bucky plants a kiss on your lips before he begins to move, sliding out of you, almost completely before sinking into you again. The air is knocked from your lungs, you feel amazing as his cock slides in and out of you at an agonisingly slow pace. You moan out loud at the sensation.

“Faster!” You groan out, frustrated at how slow he’s fucking you.

“All in good time, I need to feel you.” Bucky moans out, but pretty soon he can’t just revel in the feeling. He needs to move faster, chasing his end. His hips snap up quicker and your moaning increases in volume, that heat in your belly building again with each thrust of his hips.

Bucky takes your mouth again, kissing you with all of him as he fucks into you with abandon. Your moans and tongues intertwined, your heavy breathing entering each others' mouths. Your hands carding through Bucky’s hair, tugging gently on the strands at the nape of his neck. Each time you do it makes his hips thrust harder and makes him grunt. But you have to stop after a minute as the heat blooming in your belly expands more until it can go no further.

It snaps and blooms upward and downward, sending heat to your toes and making you see white. Your climax makes your head roll back and you let out a scream of pleasure. There’s a new sensation as your orgasm hits, the feeling of white-hot heat spreading through him. Happiness, love, every positive feeling ever shoots through him and the spasms of your cunt around his cock, prematurely sets off his orgasm. He has wanted to draw another two or three from you before his end but he can’t hold it back.

He roars out, even the way your climax muffled your hearing you heard him. You’ve never heard anything like that, the sound was primal, animalistic. Your breathing slows and you lower your head to look at him, he’s staring back at you, looking completely fucked out, but so do you.

“You okay baby?” Bucky asks, breathing heavily and pulling your face towards him so he can kiss you. You can’t even speak, you just about nod before he lifts you off the wall and carries you over to the bed. He lays you down and pulls his semi-hard cock out of you, which makes you whine. He goes into your en suite and grabs a washcloth to clean you up, before joining you on the bed. He pulls you close and you snuggle into his warm body, your hand rests on his chest, just above his heart.

Happiness blooms in his chest once more, a content feeling. He realises that you’re projecting onto him with your abilities but you’re too out of it to realise. The feeling is one of pureness, a feeling of love. Bucky realises he has had this feeling before, many times, the first time was the day he met you. He really did feel love at first sight, he didn’t think it was possible but it happened. And now you both knew how the other felt, there’s no way he was going to go back to the way it was. And you’re not leaving SHIELD. Not unless he leaves with you, because from now on, you are one.

THE END?

Posted 23/04/2024

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky smut #ladymunson #Bucky Barnes x female reader #18+ only

[wh0reforcoriolanussnow]

a singer!reader where she writes a super sexy song and the fans are going crazy because she's never written a song like that. she goes to some talk shows bc she has to promote the album of the song, and they ask her about it and if its about her boyfriend tom blyth!!!!

Never be like you || Tom Blyth x singer!reader

A/n: lowkey need Gracie to do a cover for this song bc I feel like her voice would suit it sm and I wanna see her do this type of vibe!!

Warnings: fem!reader, swearing

Wc: 719

Tom Blyth x singer!reader au masterlist

“Our next guest, is a Grammy nominee for best new artist, performing her single never be like you for the first time, please welcome Y/n Abrams!” Jimmy Fallon announces as the crowd erupts in cheers. You take the stage, the crowd hushed in anticipation. The spotlight illuminates you, clad in a sultry ensemble that's a departure from your usual style

“What I would do, to take away, this fear of being loved, allegiance to the pain,” Your fingers wrap around the mic as you close your eyes. “Now I’m fucked up, and I’m missing you, He’ll never be like you,” The atmosphere shifted, and you began to sing the sultry lyrics in a way that surprised even your most dedicated fans. The audience was captivated, and whispers of amazement spread like wildfire.

“I’m only human, can’t you see? I made, I made a mistake, please just look me in my face, tell me everything’s okay,” Your hands, usually strumming a guitar, were instead in your hair as you tilt your head back almost in a sexual manner. The crowd, initially unsure how to react, soon becomes entranced by your unexpected venture into this new style.

The song's sensual undertones echoed through the venue, and you felt an electrifying connection with the audience. This style of song was something you’ve never done before. That’s why you really enjoyed producing it. It brought you out of your comfort zone; a deliberate choice to express a different side of yourself.

"How do I make you wanna stay? hate sleeping on my own, missing the way you taste," your voice, rich and alluring, wraps around the lyrics with a sensuality that catches everyone off guard.

"Stop looking at me with those eyes," a smile naturally played on your lips as you delivered that line, intentionally fixing your gaze on the camera, fully aware of Tom's watchful eyes. The lyrics, tailored to hit home with your boyfriend, spoke directly to his captivating deep blue eyes – the kind that always left you spellbound, and no amount of time together could diminish the flutter of nerves they induced.

"like I could disappear and you wouldn't care why, now I'm fucked up and I'm missing you, he'll never be like you," Backstage, Tom can't tear his eyes away. The way you command the stage, blending vulnerability with a newfound confidence, stirs something within him.

He had heard snippets of the song before its release, but experiencing it live brings a visceral intensity he hadn't anticipated. The lyrics, once a private exchange, now echo through the venue, leaving everyone captivated.

As the performance concludes, the audience erupts into applause, their astonishment turning into admiration. Tom approached with a grin, desire in his eyes, expressing his awe at your unexpected and alluring rendition. "That was incredible," he whispers, pulling you into a passionate embrace.

Word spreads like wildfire. Fans, accustomed to your previous style, can't believe the transformation. Social media buzzes with speculation, theories swirling that the song must be about someone special.

In a promotional interview, the host, with a sly grin, asks the question on everyone's mind. "Rumors are circulating that the inspiration behind your latest single is none other than your boyfriend, Tom Blyth. Care to shed some light on that?"

A coy smile played on your lips as you glance at the crowd, then back to the interviewer. "My supporters sure are smart, huh?" You giggle softly to yourself. "But, yes, it is about Tom."

"It's quite different to my usual style, but it was very fun to compose," You smile. The revelation sends shockwaves through your fanbase. Speculation turns into fervent curiosity, and they dissect the lyrics for clues about your relationship with Tom. Social media explodes, and you find yourself at the center of a newfound spotlight.

Tom, for his part, embraces the attention with good humor. During his interviews for "The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes," fans playfully tease him about being the muse behind your provocative song. He takes it all in stride, admitting with a smile that he's flattered by the attention.

"So, Tom, we've all heard your girlfriend's new song 'Never be like you' and everyone knows it's about you. What are your thoughts on it?" the interviewer inquired, a playful glint in their eyes.

Tom chuckled nervously, a light blush creeping up his cheeks. "Well, it's certainly an interesting experience," he replied with a sheepish smile. "I'm flattered, to be honest. My girl is incredibly talented, and she expresses herself very well through her music, something I admire,"

As he spoke, his castmates, Rachel and Hunter, couldn't help but interject with mischievous grins. "Oh, come on, Tom! 'Interesting experience'? That song is steamy!" Rachel teased, eliciting laughter from Hunter.

Tom rolled his eyes, feigning annoyance. "Alright, alright. Maybe 'interesting' is an understatement. But seriously, I'm incredibly proud of her. She was worried her new style of music not being a hit, but she nailed it."

The banter continued, but beneath the teasing, there was a genuine camaraderie. Tom's supportive words reflected not only his admiration for his girlfriend's artistic expression but also his pride in you.

As your relationship becomes a public fascination, the dynamics of your performances shift. Fans attend your shows not just for your music but to catch glimpses of the chemistry they've read about online. The narrative surrounding your love story becomes intertwined with your artistic identity.

Tom's become a regular at your shows, grinning from ear to ear as he watches you own the stage. Your private affair has gone all public, and now it's like you and him are this dynamic duo everyone's rooting for. The crazy twist in your music style? It's like you cracked open a whole new world for yourself, and at the same time, it's made you and Tom this inseparable couple in the eyes of your fans.

#fanfiction #tom blyth #tom blyth x reader #tom blyth imagine #tom blyth x you #tom blyth fanfiction #tom blyth fluff #tom blyth x singer!reader #tom blyth x gf!reader #rachel zegler #hunter schafer #gracie abrams #singer!reader #social media #social media au #the hunger games #the hunger games the ballad of songbirds & snakes #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #tbosas imagine #tbosas x reader #young coriolanus snow #coriolanus snow imagine #young president snow #coriolanus snow fanfiction #coriolanus snow x reader #coriolanus snow x you #the hunger games fanfiction #coryo snow #coryolanus snow #snow lands on top

[daisylark]

Hey, this is kinda gonna be a rant so if you're not in the mood for that feel free to delete.

I saw your post -

https://www.tumblr.com/daisylark/741324260680794112/man-takes-a-womans-spot-in-a-womens-shelter-and?source=share

- and it hit me a certain way. Yes, I understand that this man is making it up, it's a fantasy. But I am a woman who has actually experienced living in a homeless shelter with a man, and it got to me.

I was 19 at the time, this was about six years ago. Literally the first thing he said to me when I walked in was that he still had his dick. (He phrased it as being intact and not having had bottom surgery.) I had no idea what he was talking about. at the time I was unfamiliar with trans ideology. Frantically googling to figure out what was happening was how I originally found radfems, bc they were the only people calling this shit out.

I could go on, but the thing that really gets me is that this experience was six or seven years ago, right. I'm in a better, more stable place in life, and have been seeking therapy for several years now. And the worst thing is THAT EXPERIENCE SPECIFICALLY has been a consistent impediment to getting to help.

Because even when I find a therapist, which is harder than you'd think, and do intake, which is exhausting and damaging every time, etc etc etc, so far no one can handle the specific trauma that I have from seeking shelter when I was at my most vulnerable and being gaslit and forced to cohabit with a man by the ppl who should have protected me.

And because my story is such a hot button issue, everyone kind of blue screens when they hear about it. Y'know? It's a little much to believe, in the current political climate, if you're trying to be a good progressive or whatever, that a 6ft pwecious wittle twans woman would act like that in a woman's homeless shelter. He was in his 40s btw. Ppl don't want to engage with it. They want me to be quiet. They've already decided I'm exaggerating.

The last therapist I had I started talking about this experience and the way it damaged my trust in institutions and so on, and the therapist interrupted to be confused, called him "they," and was asking about how he identified. I can be sitting right in front of someone I've known for months and the moment a man is brought up his hypothetical feelings take precedence over me.

So I understand that the reddit post is made up. But I saw it and I had to say, this shit fucking happens. It happens and it's real. The fawning over him doesn't happen quite like that, but in my experience, if a man is admitted to a woman's shelter his needs are already being prioritized and that is unlikely to change. I hate these men - the ones who go to the shelters, the ones who fantasize about it, the ones who support it. I won't forgive anyone who supports it.

Thank you for hearing me out.

Thank you so much for sharing this. I am so sorry that this happened to you. These are exactly the kind of things that we are afraid of. These are the things that people insist never happen, but they do.

These kind of things were the main things that peaked me. That a man's feelings would matter more than a woman's physical safety. It's horrifying.

#radical feminism #radblr #terfblr #terfsafe #gender critical

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for talking shit about and leaving a friend with severe mental health issues?

(CW for mental health issues, self harm, and transphobia)

For context, everyone in this story is pretty young, in Year 11/12 (American equivalent would be sophomore/junior year) and we live in a pretty religious country

I (16M) met a friend (15F) through her approaching me and saying my pins (including a pride pin) was cool. We clicked immediately, i went over for sleepovers and became close with even her mom. I only once brought up politics offhandedly, and she got quite uncomfortable, but i thought nothing of it at the time.

She constantly told me that I was her only friend who "understood" her, and would be there for her, so I never brought it up again. However, when I was introducing her to another friend (who is very gnc and identified as transfemme at the time) we opened up her youtube reccomended and it was quite literally disgusting.

JK rowling, terf videos and tradwifes galore. Candace Owens, Ben Shapiro, you name it, she had literally nothing except videos titled shit like "trans people mutilate themselves".

I was very hurt, because I happen to be trans, as well as most of my friends and my partner. I questioned her, but she pulled the "mental illness" defense. I was scared of her hurting herself so i apologised (to my other friend) and tried distancing myself from her, admittedly made a few jokes at her expense to others.

She began being more radicalised, positing insane, borderline qanon stories, but my plan to cut her off was interrupted by her going missing and me having to be the one coaxing her back to school, i felt she was too dependant on me to be as harsh as i shouldve been.

The final straw came when she 1) said she thought of my (healed) scars as something that encouraged her to self harm and 2) when i found out she outed me and my partner as T4T and queer to a random transphobic youtuber to put in a cringe compilation. this was not only immature but really dangerous to us.

Heres where I might be TA: my partner confronted her because he was worried about my mental health, and she apparently showed up to school and cried. I felt bad, but when i first found about it i laughed about it, and didnt support her even when i knew she had no other friends.

My partner asked her to either stay away from me or not express her beliefs, and as a result she called me crying that night, borderline suicidal, and in a panic I soothed her and said I wasnt going anywhere. A couple days later, a mutual friend sent me the screenshots of her outing us, and I think that sort of made me snap.

She used her religion as a shield against finding us "disgusting" and wanted a video made against us etc etc, describing horrible statistics and threats, describing "mutilation" and I felt like i couldnt endorse that attitude towards trans people in good faith, so i argued with her over text, with her accusing me of manipulating her multiple times.

Again, I mightve fucked up here because I called my friends while texting her and talked shit about her during this confrontation, sending screenshots of our private dms to them, and afterwards she became a bit of an inside joke within our friend group- she also left the school because i think she had barely any other friends.

I cant help but feel like i shoudve been more mature about it, and especially because she was ill, i dont want to be That Guy that makes fun of vulnerable people, even if she sucked herself. So, tumblr, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #self harm cw #suicide cw

[dairy-farmer]

Is me agaaaain~ o/ I'm back on my nonsense and practicing my writing! Had Thoughts(tm).

While Civilian Tim is my Beloved♡. You know what ELSE doesn't get explored enough? Betas in ABO fics! The overlooked everyman. The common masses. Not SPECIAL enough.

Expected to bow to the whims of Alphas and cater to, nay, CODDLE Omegas. To fall in line and be lead. Subservient. Nature's wallpaper in the Grand Drama of Alpha and Omegas.

All because they don't have to suffer a heat or rut. All because they didn't get that few extra organs and a hormonal boost. As though there aren't superhumans and aliens running around.

Everyone talking about Pack this and Pack that. About how IMPORTANT it is. How PRECIOUS. Only to stutter to a stop and dismiss you when you bring up Betas. Because they're focused on what THEY decided were the Protagonists of Life. And who CARES about the rest of us, huh?

We're just foot soliders and drones.

And Tim's parents expected an Alpha son. Had plans, of course, for the unthinkable. An Omega. But when he tested positive for likely presenting as a Beta? Humanity's MOST COMMON presentation? It's like he became worthless to them. Was assumed destined to fail. To be weak and unworthy.

Because of his genitals. His hormones.

Because he DIDNT stink up the house.

On the bright side, he gets away with a LOT. The down side? He is a very, VERY smart child with a chip on his shoulder. Little time for the dramatics of life's Specialist Babies.

When Bruce won't LISTEN to Robin? Because (and he can only assume) "hur dur me big strong head alpha. Me always right!" Well FUCK Batman! He stuffs Wayne Manor with picture print outs of HARD EVIDENCE showing Robin did No Such Thing!

When ROBIN apparently decided to flee in the night like some Victorian Omega Waif to locations unknown? Non-emergency JLA number, bitch. He knows it. Get Superman'd.

The Bats seem to settle. His Parents come and go. He hacks their emails and changes their Wills. If THEY won't take him seriously, HE will do it for both of them. Like HELL is he letting them pawn HIS company off to someone else.

Then Haiti happens.

And... he wish he could say he was surprised when he didn't even notice, until he was told. They were never Pack. That would require his Parents to have TRIED. To have CARED.

Bereavement services try to coddle him. Alphas, like VULTURES, circle. Trying to "guide" the poor RICH young Beta in his time of emotional vulnerability. If there weren't cameras, he would bite. Parasites. All of them.

The Omegas are no better. Showing up, "concerned" for him. Trying to feed him and coddle him like an infant pup. Insert themselves into his life. He gets a cold and rather nasty reputation, rather quickly.

Thank god for fake, Alpha, uncles. Social services were making noises about "supportive families" and the "need for pack bonds when grieving". Ha! So say the Alphas, he notes. The Omegas. There Beta co-workers were pretty silent. But when have they ever noticed THAT?

Strangely enough, and you'll be SHOCKED, really, his Uncle FULLY supported Tim in all he did! How Odd! He rises to become the youngest CEO in the country.

He fires half his board outright. They're corrupt and worse? Bad at business. Chosen because "Alphas are natural leaders". His ASS they are. The business take a hit, of course, lots of speculation and scathing articles. At least they do until Drake Industries has RECORD breaking quarters.

Turns out hiring the legitimately qualified, makes for better business.

Who'd have THOUGHT!

He admits. He gets distracted, building the family (not Pack. Never Pack.) business to unprecedented heights. He no longer has TIME for his night time... bird watching. But he keeps an idle eye out. And they grow in number, not shrink. So it's probably fine.

But then? Not long after he's officially an adult. After his "Uncle" TRAGICALLY goes for a one man flight over international waters, for a "vay-cay" at the summer home, only to "perish" when the plane goes down? Who strolls into his office like he has ANY right to be there? Brucie "Secretly Batman" Wayne.

They don't have a meeting planned. Why is he HERE. Stinking up his office with Alpha Scent.

.....the plane was a Wayne Aeronautics design. Fuck(tm).

Bruce plays the "oh he feels SO GUILTY" card. Tim counters. Bruce is pulling out the Full Himbo. Clearly suspicious. Oh god damn it, batman thinks he's murdered his fake uncle. And, well, he DID. But there WAS no fake uncle!

Somehow Tim finds himself dragged to lunch. Brucie's arm casually slung over his shoulders. Great. Now he's going to stink for hours.

And Bruce? Is putting clues together. Timothy "The Dragon" Drake. Beta. Known to be actively hostile to both Alphas and Omegas alike. Rumors suggest Pack trauma or extreme bond loyalties. No scent but his own on him. Not even any lingering traces. His Uncle, supposedly his Alpha, never scented him?

That coupled with records suggesting a complete lack of bonds with his birth Pack and absence of scentmarkers...

Pack Trauma. Very, VERY Feral. Likely takes most Pack-bonding overtures as signs of aggression. Highly likely he killed his Uncle in response to either real or perceived aggression.

Bruce wonders how it slipped his notice. Slipped EVERYONE'S notice. Got this bad. He... already knows. The answer does not sit well with him. It's because Tim is a Beta. He grits his teeth. Others may have failed Timothy Drake, but he refuses too.

Tim wishes he WOULD. He feels harassed. Bruce is EVERYWHERE. And he's gotten his kids in on it. Tim's poor, poor office REAKS. He! REAKS! Why are they so TOUCHY??! Cease! Desist!

Worse? The questions about his "uncle" abruptly dry up about a week and a half in. Which means they DEFINITELY found some evidence that there was never an uncle. He has a pounding headache and HATES this. He was FINE on his own. Why does this have to happen NOW? At least they are leaving him alone currently. He pops some headache meds.

A shrill noise screeches in an echoing pitch throughout his office. Ow.

Wait.

Oh Fuck.

He scrambles for his phone. That is the Gotham Wide Alert. Who-? Ivy. Heading their way. He slams the building wide evac button, setting off alarms in every room in the tower. Gets up to grab his briefcase, his suit jacket, to evacuate with the rest of his company.

He turns, reaching, only to be met with vines, already rearing back to break his office windows.

CRASH.

Safety glass everywhere. Trying to run is pointless. Instinct still demands it. Living green as strong as steel beams has him around the waist. He is yanked backward out into open air. Hundreds of feet to the ground below him. Writhing Green has swallowed half his building already.

The alert was USELESS. "On her way" his ASS! His people are trapped!

The scent of flowers fills his nose...

His body feels... weird, when he manages to blink back to awareness. There are other CEOs. All of them are complete bastards. Arrogent nepotism picks to the last. Daddy's perfect Alpha offspring, handed the world. They're panting. Flushed. Sweaty and fighting the vines, humping... the.. air...

Oh, gross.

Where? Ivy. Talking to a camera. Gesturing to them. Tim struggles to concentrate. His head feels... soup. Slooshy and warm. Big ol skull of soup. One of the other CEOs is trying to reach him. Panting at him. He kicks. Disgusting! He thinks he hisses.

Ivy pauses. Turns to look at him. Squints.

He's not an alpha she declares. No shit. She shrugs. He'll still pay for- wait, WHAT!? That was Erkins! He FIRED that fucker! He's actively working to FIX the damage that idiot caused to the wetlands!

Soup brain saves the day. He's dragged to the side. Her bad, apparently. Hold that thought and she get you an antidote shortly. Now, where was she?

Letting the hostages go, says Batman.

Ivy disagrees. Violently.

It would be cool to watch up close, if Tim didn't feel like his skin was hypersensitive and damn near on fire. He feels nauseous. Please stop jostling him. He feels gross and sweaty. He... he THINKS? He's been Pollened?

He's heard it's the closest a Beta can get to being in Heat. And for Alphas and Omegas it can be lethal if not treated promptly. Of course, no one gives a SHIT that it's incredibly hard on a Betas body. Since, you know, they aren't MADE to go into heat! Oh god. He might puke.

Hands are cutting him free from his vine prison. Working his shirt and undershirt up enough to expose stomach. The pinch of a needle. The burning stops building. The nausea starts to fade. Tim cracks open an eye, no longer needing to grit everything closed to keep from hurling.

Nightwing. Omega.

He's brushing sweating hair back from Tim's face. Rubbing feeling back into Tim's limbs. He smells... nice? Good cologne on clean sheets. Normally Tim HATES being coddled. He doesn't feel good. He'll allow it.

Dick seems to be picking up on that. Is trying so, so hard not to look PLEASED and EXCITED that Tim is letting him take care of him. Scoops Tim up and is off before Bruce can tell him not too. Reprimand him for taking advantage of the situation.

It honestly doesn't even suprise Tim that Dick knows where he lives. Distantly he wonders if Dick even remembers that Tim is not supposed to know. That if he gets handsy as Nightwing, Dick will have to back off.

Deposited on his bed. It doesn't seem so.

Off go shoes and jacket, shirts and pants. Anything that might be infected or uncomfortable. He's brought water. Blankets nested around him. Limbs gently massaged. Dick looks GIDDY.

He still feels too hot and too cold. Uncomfortable.

Soothing noises, whispered against his skin. Hands trail down, following a skimming mouthing. Beneath the comforter pulled atop them to tuck him in. He can not see what-

He's swallowed alive. Hands gently, but without mercy, holding his hips still as an incredibly skilled mouth works his clit. Tim gasps for air. He might be shaking. Whimpers and cries dripping from his mouth as he tries desperately to rock up into the impossible heat consuming him.

Then long, calloused fingers are sliding inside of him. He.. he can't tell how to react. He's wet but not... his body doesn't MAKE slick. And yeah, it feel kinda... but does he...

The fingers angle. Pounding against SOMETHING and suddenly there are stars behind his eyes. Whimpering as he's finger fucked, eaten with in and inch of his life. He orgasms but... but it's not? Enough? W-why? Pollen. Oh god.

Dick is making soothing little noises. Pressing kisses to his face and neck. But if he's up here, how will he- Tim is pinned. Gently, sweetly, as Dick slides home.

He whines. High and displeased. Likes dislikes this. Dick shushs him. Rocking his hips. Kisses and kisses. Everything's okay. He's got you. But Tim refuses to settle.

The air of the room shifts, floors creek just slightly under heavy boots. Dick keeps rocking his hips, eyes locked with Bruce's. He's NOT going to get up. Timmy needs a pack. Needs LOVE. He's feels so, so good. And Dick is taking such good care of him. He NEEDS them.

And.. Can Bruce really argue? Tim is alone. Brilliant, gorgeous, and alone. Drifting over to scruff him? Can Bruce REALLY say he does not look like he was MEANT to be there? Beneath Dick. Soft and safe. Warm and loved? Taken care of by their pack?

He can't.

He scuffs his boy. HIS. And Tim goes limp, Dick shuddering on top of him. Face pressing against Bruce's hand, where it holds Tim's neck, arms hiking up Tim's hips. Thrusting for real. Putting his back into it.

Punching out cries from Tim with every slam against his spots. He can't move, scuffed as he is. Can only stare up. Watch as Batman, Bruce, watch HIM.

Watchs him getting... getting FUCKED. He sees Batman reach for something down the bed. Textured leather is rubbing against his clit, moments later. Dick groans in his ear as Tim spasms around him, Bruce's teasing making him tighter. I.. It's too much. Too vulnerable. Too much!

He being filled. He whines.

Gets a pack bite for his trouble, from Dick.

Then Dick's being shoo'd to the side and Tim is choking on air. Dicks cum the only thing making it slick enough. Beta's don't STRETCH like that! Big. Too big. Can't BREATHE.

But Bruce makes him breathe. Rocks and rocks until he's in. Until he's so full everything feels permanently different. Pressed down into a nest and trapped under a solid wall of Alpha. Whimpering, conquered, and held. Told over and over that Bruce has him. It's okay now.

Not enough ROOM to argue. To THINK. Whatever he wants.

He fuck Tim slow and careful. It's still almost enough to cry. But he promises not to knot him. He PROMISES. It would hurt him. Tear things. He won't hurt Tim. He whispers soothing noises. Holds Tim still, as he works himself in and out of a hot, perfect little vice.

Keeps his word. The knot stays OUT of Tim's poor, tight, little body. It'd never fit. He seed doesn't either. Gushing and spurting around the edges. Making Tim jerk and cry out. His abused little hole oozing thickly. Bruce bites him. Of course he does, he can't lose this chance.

They'll figure out details in the morning.

Damian will be THRILLED. He'd been planning a long term seduction plan for weeks. And Jason will no doubt drag Tim off to scent him the second he's able. Betas are said to be calming influences in a pack. Assuming the can all SHARE. Helping Tim settle in is going to be a wonderful group project.

He's touch starved, feral, and deeply wary of any sign of affection. Pampering him is undoubtedly going to be a group effort. But watching Dick cuddle his newest pack member? Tim relaxed in exhausted but peaceful rest? Bruce knows it's worth it.

👀👀👀👀👀👀👀!!!!!!!!!! beta tim being brought into the pack and made a member whether he likes it or not!!!

#answered asks #asks #anonymous

[doumadono]

Hey hey so I hope it's okay if I send in an Emergency Request.

Recently I've been on a new antipsychotic and it's causing weight gain, so they put me on a diet medication and I'm STILL gaining weight.

As someone with a past of having anorex!a this is MAJORLY triggering as now I'm in the "Overwe!ght" BMI range and I'm freaking the fuck out and wanting to d!e every single day.

So can I get a comfort with Shinsou who reaffirms the reader( who also struggles with gender dysphoria at the same time, so this is doubly hard ) that he will love them no matter what gender they are and how much they weigh and that they can work on losing weight in a healthy way and he will help them recovery from their ED habits together?

Shinso & s/o with gender dysphoria and anxiety about gaining weight

EMERGENCY REQS MASTERLIST

Shinsou notices your struggle and decides to have a heart-to-heart conversation with you. "You've been going through a lot lately, haven't you? Wanna talk?"

You open up about your experiences with gender dysphoria, the weight of the words lifting as you share this intimate part of yourself. "I've been grappling with my gender identity, and it's been a real struggle. I trust you, Shinso..."

The words pour out as you recount the toxic environment at home, the pressure to conform to harmful beauty standards, and the history of your family promoting your eating disorder. "My family, they've always pushed me toward this destructive path. It's been a battle to break free from their influence."

He starts by expressing genuine concern, acknowledging the difficulties you're facing with both medication and family issues.

There's a moment of vulnerability as you worry about how Shinsou will react. "I'm afraid you'll see me differently, that this will be too much for you..."

Shinsou reassures you that he cares deeply for you, emphasizing that your worth isn't determined by your weight or gender. "I want you to know that I adore every part of you, regardless of what your family or society says. Your gender identity is valid, and your journey is uniquely yours, remember that, sweetpie."

Shinsou encourages you to focus on your health rather than conforming to societal standards, stressing that your well-being matters most.

He suggests finding positive outlets for stress relief and encourages you to explore activities that bring joy and fulfillment. "How about we make some tasty, nutritious snacks together? It's a small step, but a positive one, don't you think?"

Shinsou reminds you that your identity and body are yours to define, and he supports you in every decision you make.

He shares stories of his own struggles, highlighting that everyone faces challenges, and growth is possible through perseverance.

Shinsou proposes working together on setting achievable, healthy goals, whether related to weight or personal development.

He assures you that he's there for you every step of the way, offering support and understanding. "You're strong, you know? Facing everything head-on."

He uses his quirk to gently ease some of the emotional burden you're carrying, showing how he cares about your mental well-being.

Shinsou encourages open communication, emphasizing that your feelings and experiences are valid, and he's here to listen without judgment. "It's always better to talk to your trusted person, isn't it, sweetpie?"

The air hung heavy with a subdued tension as you found solace in the quiet corner of your shared living space with Shinso. The weight of unspoken burdens rested on your shoulders, and as the tears welled up in your eyes, you couldn't hold back the overwhelming tide of emotion any longer.

Shinso noticed the tremble in your voice and the shimmer of unshed tears. He approached you with a gentle concern etched across his face. "Hey, what's going on? You seem… distant."

A shaky breath escaped your lips as you attempted to articulate the complex emotions swirling within. "It's just… my family. They've never understood, and now with everything else… It feels like I'm drowning in their expectations. I'm also struggling with my gender... I feel like I'm drowning, Shinso..."

Shinso sat beside you, a silent gesture that spoke volumes. "You can talk to me. I'm here for you. Breathe. In and out, in and out. Calm down and pour it all out. It'll ease your stress. And no matter what, I'll stay by your side, always. You're perfect just the way you are. I love everything about you."

With a heavy exhale, you began to unravel the painful narrative of a family that had never truly been supportive. "They always had these expectations, these ideals of what they thought I should be. It's suffocating. They pushed me into this dark spiral of self-doubt, made me believe I was never enough. And thank you for your kind words, baby..."

The tears flowed freely now, a cathartic release of pent-up emotions.

Shinso, understanding the weight of your words, placed a comforting hand on your shoulder. "You are more than enough, and I'm here to help you break free from those chains. You don't have to carry their expectations anymore."

In the warmth of Shinso's reassurance, you continued to share the heart-wrenching details of a family that promoted destructive behaviors, exacerbating your struggles. "They encouraged my unhealthy habits, made me believe that I had to conform to their standards. It's been a never-ending battle."

Shinso's gaze never wavered, a silent pillar of support. "You're not alone anymore. We'll face this together, and I promise you, their expectations won't define your worth."

As you poured out your heart to Shinso, the weight on your shoulders began to lift, replaced by the gentle embrace of understanding and empathy coming from your beloved boyfriend.

#emergency request #bnha shinsou #shinso hitoshi #shinsou x reader #shinso x reader #hitoshi shinsou #shinso fluff #mha fluff #bnha fluff #hitoshi shinso x reader #hitoshi shinsō #mha shinsou #boku no hero academia #mha x reader #mha x you

[jadeacereigen]

i also always felt like the fandom depicting reigen's childhood as abusive and neglectful never really quite fit. i know that most of it is probably just projection, and it's something i really understand because i've done it before with other characters.

i feel like there's a difference between giving a character trauma that makes sense when taking their canon self into account and giving a character trauma for other unrelated reasons, like comfort or even for fun, to be able to explore the scenarios that would come with it. both are very valid. let the people do what they want, y'know?

but something i feel like people tend to gloss over sometimes is that parents can fuck up when raising you and still not be outright shitty evil people. they can judge you on your career choices and still love you. your friends can make an off the cuff comment that ends up sticking with you in a bad way without realizing, people can suck at showing they care about you while still caring about you, they can be imperfect just as much as you are. it's their first time on this earth too. and it doesn't excuse the times they may have hurt you or made you feel bad about yourself, but it's up to you if you wanna keep them in your life. everyone can change, but that's also up to them.

it gives reigen an added charm [or should i say humanity?], to know that he is a flawed person and that it stems from the things that happened when he was younger, and the people that were in his life, and to know that things don't need to be catastrophic for them to affect and/or change you, whether good or bad. it's a good thing to remember i think. to know that there's so many greys between the white and black. that he has layers. his experiences are very valid.

anywho. sorry for the long ramble i just had to get this out there hehe.

ask game time!!!! 25, 9 and 22

Oh my god no don't apologize you're so right. I agree 100% so I'm gonna answer with my own long ramble.

(Discussions of child abuse below, though nothing that's not present in MP100 canon.)

Yes, it almost feels like people want to dismiss all flawed parenting and strained relationships between parent and child as abuse. There's certainly something very wrong with Reigen and his parents' relationship but I'm gonna be honest, I don't understand how people can find redemption in Toichiro who literally beat up his own son but then at the same time demonize Reigen's parents for the crime of disapproving his life as a CONMAN.

Yes, Reigen actually helps his clients and refuses to take money for things he cannot fix, but he's an incredibly special case and his parents are like most people who have no clue that the supernatural is even real. I personally think IRL psychics are full of shit and prey on the naive and emotionally vulnerable. If I had a kid who quit their normal job and spent all their savings to become a psychic I would not be happy with them! I would hope I wouldn't be as cold and that they wouldn't live in fear of my messages to them but I would definitely be encouraging them to stop that shit and get a "real job". To think that his parents should support his choices in life when he's pretending to be a psychic with no additional context is wild to me. (Also, I can't find the translation anymore but Reigen says in the fanbook that his mom thinks he's being tricked into doing his current job.) Again, they could go about this in a much better way but this disapproval does not inherently point to abuse.

(Sorry this rant got very long so everything else is below the cut.)

I think the biggest thing that points to Reigen's parents not being as awful as they are in fan content is that even after Reigen gets publicly exposed for being a con artist, his mom does tell him to learn his lesson from this but she also takes the time to prepare him an apology, tells him that he should come home (instead of telling him he's not welcome home/disowning him) and emphasizes that she's on his side. Maybe you could consider that the bare minimum of a decent parent but this to me just doesn't feel like she's the hateful abusive mother so often depicted. She could be warmer about it but she's obviously super concerned and wants Reigen to know she cares about him regardless of his actions.

(As for his dad, all we know is that he and Reigen don't talk to each other at all and that he thinks Reigen is unemployed. This relationship is definitely worse than Reigen and his mom's but there's little to go off of in terms of if his dad is a terrible parent or not. His mom seems to think he's worried about Reigen and that would definitely not surprise me.)

In terms of how Reigen feels about his parents, in the fanbook he acknowledges that there have been misunderstandings from both sides and that he'd like to talk things out with them and visit them more often. That's such a real thing lots of people can relate to and I'd love to see that get explored! I want to see Reigen patch things up with his parents! Maybe I'll write out my stupid fic idea for it idk.

I also don't want to stereotype but I am from an East Asian family myself and grew up surrounded by others so I feel like it's safe for me to say that Reigen's parents really remind me of your typical older generation of Asian parents. (Reigen was born in 1984 so his parents would definitely be of the boomer ilk, potentially even the Silent Generation if they had him on the older side.) Reigen also says in the fanbook that his parents are very serious people. Oftentimes with that older generation they just don't really show their care the way you'd normally see it. There may never be any "I love yous" but they'll cut you a plate of fruit without you asking or remember the show you liked 10 years ago and assume you're still into it...

Of course, parental norms in a culture don't justify hurtful parenting. (I mean just watch Everything Everywhere All At Once if you want to see the pain of having a disapproving Asian parent despite knowing they love you and just want what they think is best for you.) His mom fussing over his job and his lack of a girlfriend may be a super "Asian parent" thing, but it definitely hurts Reigen's feelings and she should cut that out. So yeah, Reigen's parents could do a lot better in terms of making Reigen feel supported and loved regardless if they approve of his life choices or not, but Reigen wants to patch things up with them for a reason and I'm hopeful that they can all reach a better understanding with each other.

One thing I also wish the anime showed was that Reigen's mom talks to him on the phone after Separation Arc! We see that in this omake:

Reigen definitely didn't tell his parents his phone number or his home address if his mom had to resort to emailing his business address just to talk to him. But I like to think that after Separation Arc he started letting his mom into his life a bit more...

God this was such a long rant, I'm sorry. One final thing before I get to your questions is that if we really need abusive parents to hate, Teru's non-present parents are ripe for the picking... Just saying.

(ask game)

I'm assuming you mean Reigen for all of these btw

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

Gosh I initially thought he was just a silly goofy character who could be annoying and pathetic at times, but I enjoyed his presence on-screen. Then he got deeper in the Season 1 finale and showed just how much he truly cared about Mob... That part definitely got me shook. He only got better and better from there and now he's one of my favorite characters in the story.

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

Jesus christ uh I definitely don't think he'd be a bad roommate and we'd probably get along just fine but I also think I'd annoy the shit out of him. I'm not the best at keeping my space neat and clean. Also the thought of meeting Reigen in person is actually terrifying... Reigen should never exist outside the world of fiction because his pure chaos would be too much for reality.

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

Hmm I answered what I don't like last time, but I do like fics that explore his relationship with Mob or Serizawa. I also like seeing him confront more of his personal issues and grow as a person even if he gets a little hurt in the process-

#jade speaks #ask #reigen arataka #hoo boy

[ohwell-itsme-but-danganronpa]

me when people are hating on Ouma's actions in game like. I just support him, actually

Ves: REAL she looked good doing it

if it were me I would get more crazy for a lot more selfish reasons, and I would punch Kaito back sooner, good for him for keeping his eyes on the goal

fr fr, look at him in the closing argument, that's my babygirl

Ves: the closing argument artist thinks so too

he did not have to go that hard but HE DID IT FOR ALL OF US. A HERO

haters will act like he's irrational, but he stuck out so long with no support system since he couldn't trust anyone and managed to play things off even when he was finally starting to lose his shit in a situation when it was reasonable for him to feel like this (tbh even fans make him often crack way more easily to make shipping content, when he's so resilient and then on the other hand not really lone wolfing it either bc he cooperated as much as he could) his way of going about things was smart, there isn't much else he could do, Tsumugi was setting up others to distrust him as well

Ves: AAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!! he did he lasted so fucking long in the worst possible situation he tried so HARD to cooperate and it just. did not work. if i think abt how quickly his plans fell apart i will explode i'd b doing so much worse in his situation

sometimes it's just like, you're talking about paranoia? trust and attachment issues? untreated mental illness? I think we have to be introduced, there's so much I could show you. I am not saying he doesn't have anything of the sort, but there's a lot more of reasonable justified distrust there, and still, it could be so much worse, trapping the next person who thoughtlessly assigns him diagnosis in a demonizing way in a room with me and making them listen to me rant about my failed relationships history for educational purposes

they will learn about all kinds of issues

Ves: it's trueee people act like he's so strange for breaking down but LIKE??? HE'S PRETTY NORMAL FOR THAT ACTUALLY???? he clearly already had Issues but the killing game was perfectly packaged to dig into those this is why DRS and UTDP mostly suck at characterizing him they're still stuck in the idea of him at his absolute worst he was nicer even in ch1 than he is in some of those events

[and then my amazing wife dropped this bomb, and she says I'm the smart one smh] Sini: The thing is, there’s him being shitty on purpose and him pretending to be the mastermind/making himself appear suspicious. There is a clear difference in how he acts. In DRS and UTDP he usually just comes across as playful. Yeah he’s a jackass, but I think his whole “bad guy” persona (the one we see in the beginning of the game) goes beyond the killing game. I see it as a way for him to protect himself, to push people away and not appear as vulnerable. As he’s said before, everyone always sees him as a villain so it’s the perfect role for him. I think that reasoning goes beyond what was happening to him in canon. I do agree his characterization could’ve used a bit more reworking, but I think for the most part they did a good job in showing how differently he acts in a peaceful setting in small ways. The fact that he never uses his scary sprites once or is seen to be more nice with characters like Mikan and Gonta. Especially with Gonta, where he seems to be more vulnerable around. And while this was probably just a mistake, I like to think him being shown as not as pale in DRS as a sign of him getting better. In a non killing game environment he seems to be doing pretty well for himself. But that’s what I believe, anyway

Ves: h that's really sweet actually,,,i may have been a LITTLE hard on the side modes. it's mostly the way he treats kiibo that drives me INSANE, the mikan n gonta stuff is [ok hand emoji].

Sini: Yeah, I agree. I can understand the Kiibo hate, but he doesn’t have to go as hard as he did in game. It’s not like there is a reason to suspect him. The only thing that could maybe explain it is maybe he suspects he could be tied to Monokuma? Since he, the Monokubz, and Monomi do exist here. He was rude to Monomi and seems to suspect her of being not what she seems ALSO, he’s always gonna be a little shit cause he’s a greedy whore. He wants attention and entertainment so badly.

Ves: THISSSSS it's so important i have seen so many people question why he does things where the answer is literally just that he wants attention like there is not always a plot sometimes he just wants shuuichi to chase him

Sini: That’s all there is to it He wants his crush to chase him like in his favourite novels Live the fantasy

Ves: it's part of why they're so good together!! shuuichi as a detective is v used to obsessing over details and giving his whole attention to something in the way kokichi wants HE'S A NERD THAT ALSO EXPLAINS MANY THINGS

Sini: They’re both nerds. Even more reason to why they are soulmates

Ves: kokichi receives the Detective Stare and goes TEEEEEHEE

Sini: IT’S HIS DREAM COME TRUE It’s just like anime! He’s living anime rn

Ves: i think his hair should curl up at the ends when he gets excited as a treat

Sini: To compliment Shuichi’s sentiment ahoge When he goes to his room after an exciting day with Shuichi, he flops on his bed, kicks his feet, and squeals into his pillow

I feel a little ashamed when reverse happens and I am posting something someone else started and I took over, but with this all I can say: follow @vespertin-y and leave nice comments for my wife so we can prove it to her that she is smart and her takes are divine.

#talking canon #danganronpa #ndrv3 #kokichi oma #kokichi ouma #oumasai #saiouma #shuichi saihara #gonta gokuhara #kiibo

[there-must-be-a-lock]

BuckyJay recs

I have been hammering away at my keyboard like a crazy person working on the If It's A Highway sequel, which obviously has given me the urge to read more BuckyJay, and there is still just... a distressingly small amount of that in the world.

here, have a few of my recent favorites:

To Dig a Grave in Winter by @oliocelottafanfics - just read this one tonight and its criminal lack of hits inspired this list tbh. fucking gorgeously written. GORGEOUS. please go give it some love.

They echo in him, punctuated by the smell of rain and fresh turned earth and the phantom pain of something heavy against his skull. He feels like a walking gravesite. They must see it too. They sneer at him when they call him to the chair after each mission. He doesn’t know why, doesn’t understand when one of them says, “Let’s see if you come back this time.” He feels his heart flutter to a stop as the machine drags away what little of his consciousness remains. When he opens his eyes again, he hardly remembers dying.

First Glance by @drgrlfriend - this is WinterHawkHood-flavored, which is a whole other rec list, but it starts as just the Winter and Hood part, so I'm counting it. Dr. G has never written anything that I didn't absolutely love, she's crazy talented, but there is something special about her shamelessly bloodthirsty Jason.

Jason grins, sharp and feral.  “Human traffickers, baby.  Looking for someone young and pretty to round out their next shipment.  We know where they’re gonna hit tonight and SHIELD’s already nabbed the buyers, so we don’t even need to leave anyone alive once we locate the rest of the merchandise.” And, yeah, there’s a lot of things about the job that Jason likes, but this scenario is pretty much custom made for him.  He seems to get a very specific sort of satisfaction from playing all dewy-eyed and vulnerable, letting the bad guys think they have the upper hand, and then raining deadly fury down on their heads.  Well, Bucky thinks philosophically, everyone needs a hobby. “It’ll practically be a vacation,” Jason purrs, and Bucky takes his hand off the gearshift to give his thigh a pat in agreement.  It’s important to support your partner’s interests.

prove you're not a loser (anymore) by @capriciouswrites - most of this fic is funny as fuck, featuring a spectacularly grumpy Bruce and an adorably thirsty Clint, but it starts with this absolute fuckin banger of an opening, from which I may never recover:

Someone’s hand comes near his mouth to try to force it open and he’s always been willing to be a rabid dog — they're trying to make him into a lap dog after all, he might as well make sure they know that his pedigree is alley — so he bites down and fills his mouth with blood before they manage to get the mouth guard in — and then he’s really stuck like he knew he would be. He knew they’d win and strap him down and try to kill him in the only way that matters.  What is a man, after all, he thinks, but memory trapped in meat. And soon he’ll be just the meat without the memory. His philosophizing is cut short by a sharp jolt of electricity — and then he’s trying to breathe and scream and he’s trapped and — if he could still think he’d consider that maybe this is worse than last time, but he can’t so he doesn’t. 

who do I have to bribe to get more of this pairing in my life?!

#bucky barnes #jason todd #fic rec #marvel #dc #dcu #mcu #dcu/mcu #dc marvel crossover

[who-is-page]

I know is-the-owl-video-cute is calling my system (and Agro, and Poppy, and Rani, and now a minor, and even more people than that) zoophiles, but

a) I'm not a zoophile by its most literal definition since I don't experience attraction towards real life animals and, in addition to that, I also don't find the term one to be even remotely or theoretically applicable to myself for my forays into furry art: so that accusation is entirely wrong no matter how you slice it as I both don't meet the definition and would never/have never called myself such,

b) it's worth pointing out that I've done more anti-bestiality work online in alterhuman spaces than Owlvid ever has, even if you just take the widespread use of my Beware against a known pro-bestiality forum and it's administration into account and additionally the anti-bestiality and the anti- """zoosexual""" policies I created and implemented in the online spaces I admin and moderate for, so my anti-bestiality stance is already very well-known and established, and

c) if "People experience bad thoughts but that does not mean they do bad things, and stats seem to support this; if we ostracize people for things they've never done and automatically equate them to the people who have done those things, abusers have and will take advantage of individuals in especially vulnerable positions; we have to hold people responsible for their actions, not their feelings," is considered a controversial opinion that makes someone a "zoophile," then I feel like we've kind of fucking lost the plot here.

There's a lot of nuance to be had in this conversation beyond that, don't get me wrong: if someone identifies as no-contact but still interacts actively in the pro-contact zeta community and supports it, that's still an action they should be held accountable for. If someone is promoting "zoosexuality" as a sexual orientation (and especially if they're arguing that it's somehow a queer identity), even if they do not identify as a zoophile, that is once again an action they should be held accountable for. If someone is trying to make "zootherian" spaces that are "contact-neutral," that is an action they should be held accountable for. If someone hosts a major alterhuman event or community and allows pro-bestiality individuals to interact or attend or hold important positions in the space, that is an action they should be held accountable for.

But when people like Owlvid divide the lines into quite literal "if you have ever even so much as had a whisper of these thoughts you're a literal animal rapist" vs "everyone else," you see any sort of accountability completely thrown to the wayside. You entirely lose the nuance of any of the above, because people like Owlvid do not actually give a shit about long-lasting community effects. They don't care about the zeta community forming from their exact rhetoric, they don't care that their "if you have Bad Feelings then you can never, ever be a therian!" perspectives are a part of what led bestialists to come up with the idea for """zootherian""" as a term, and they certainly don't care that equating zoophilic thoughts with actual bestiality makes it incredibly easy for people who have actually had sexual contact with their pets, missing stairs like LycanTheory, to hide amidst individuals who have never done more than own a Bad Dragon horse dildo.

We need to toss this black-and-white language and perspective for feelings and thoughts we don't like. It is demonstrably dangerous for our community to have at all, and we've seen the consequences of it occur in real time. And, fucking shit, it doesn't make us "zoophiles" to do so. In acknowledging that these feelings can and do occur in individuals and not immediately throwing people who have those feelings to the wolves (no pun intended), it's going to result in less people feeling ostracized and turning to or getting picked up by others who will encourage them to do harm. Instead, this acknowledgement will result in more individuals being encouraged to seek IRL help and support if they find that they're having difficulties due to their thoughts and feelings. It'll result in individuals learning healthier ways to approach such feelings, useful outlets and different focuses, instead of just trying to bottle it up and ignore it and inevitably making everything worse for themselves.

After all, when we tell people, "This is a personal moral failing. You ARE your feelings and thoughts, regardless of your actions," is it really any surprise when they end up believing us and when that makes everything spiral to hell? The solution seems pretty obvious to me: don't fucking tell people that.

And this type of approach should be extended to all problematic feelings, mind you, not just what we're talking about here. Individuals who get murderous or violent thoughts, or who get cannibalistic urges, or who have to wrestle with extreme hunting instincts aimed at pets and other non-food animals, also aren't inherently a danger and shouldn't be treated as such.

The idea of an innate sin or corruption that permanently mars someone isn't real. It does not exist. There is nothing in this world that people involuntarily experience that automatically makes them an evil person. There is no elect, you are not configured by destiny to either be a Good Person or a Bad Person. And hiding behind that culturally Christian idea is fucking useless, and only serves to try and hide one's own insecurities and flaws, because absolutely no one is always and eternally perfect in their thoughts and feelings. People can always choose to be good, because being good is always a choice. Stop trying to take that choice away from someone.

#long post #aok #alterhuman #otherkin #is-the-owl-video-cute #updates for readability........3!!!

[most-datable-datable-bracket]

cove propaganda! i know how long this is but i saw your post approving someone's multi-paragraph anti-propaganda so here goes:

[spoilers ig, not major spoilers]

Our Life is the game, no, the literary work that has made me feel the most loved and cared for. Like, it's pretty much the only dating sim i've played where i feel like it's me that is playing it and not some other character. it's just that customizable 

and cove is so sentimental and caring and loving and emotional/pos, like he's so committed and like a dream bc for so many hopeless romantics

-like you'll continuously visit the hill that you first met on growing up and ten years after you meet, you cuddle and fall asleep on the grass there together and it's the cutest most wholesome thing

-you can also get married there

-cove constantly gives words of affirmation and is loving to the point of being clingy but eh, i'm clingy too and it's better than the alternative

-also he's obsessed with the ocean and is so happy and giddy if you visit the aquarium with him. he also loves his pet fish

-and there are moments in this game where you address things that are... less happy. whether that's gender dysphoria or leaving for college or other things, cove and your family and everyone else is so supportive. these moments also made me cry, multiple times haha. this game gives you the supportive family that lgbtq+ people like me can only dream of. also you have two moms in-game :D

the game (and him, by extension) also hugely impacted my life! there's a personal story down below so scroll over this part if you don't want to read all that 

-so i first played this game as a fifteen y/o who got rejected after my crush was nice and cute and amazing and flirty with me for months

-and that hit me so hard and made me scared as fuck about being vulnerable and having crushes on people

-when we were 13 in-game, i genuinely didn't know whether cove had a crush on me or not (he was being so obvious) and i cried when he did and after we kissed bc that never happened to me

-and esp during the moments where we would go on dates and generally be together i would blush and smile so much. and cry happy tears sometimes

-and i was going through a tough time and every day, i would look forward to playing olba whenever i came home from school

-and yeah i know that there are two other love interests but cove was the only free one and although i had a debit card, i didn't want to explain to my parents that i was paying for a dating simulator

-and now thanks to cove, i can actually tell when people have crushes on me now and not constantly doubt myself!!

-so please vote cove, he holds a special place in my heart and probably many other peoples' too. and no this is not a tumblr fake story trust me i suck at making stuff up. 

if you've read this far, thanks so much!! and to the owner of this account, i am aware that this is long as fuck so feel free to exclude the personal story/include only some parts of this rant in the polls :D have a great rest of your day, hydrate, and VOTE COVE

My blog is always welcoming Cove propaganda, no matter the length <3

#pollpraganda #cove holden #our life #our life beginnings & always

[querenciasturniolo]

HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!!!!

2023 was one hell of a year for me, even before i created this blog.

i’ve struggled with a severe anxiety disorder my entire life, and writing has always been such an incredible escape for me. being able to get out of my own head and put every emotion, whether it was beautiful, painful, or embarrassing into a story, felt like such a release.

i’ve written for years, and the fact that this little blog of mine is the place i put my most vulnerable thoughts into is so crazy. my mental health has improved so much in the last five months, and fuck i can’t wait to see what 2024 brings.

i posted my first fic change in july after spending over a week working on it, a few weeks after going through the worst heartache i’ve ever felt in my life. it is still, to this day, my favorite fic that i’ve ever written. it was so incredibly personal to me, and so fucking important to me, and the fact that so many of you read it and enjoyed it warms my heart so much.

since then, i’ve written thirty-six one-shots (holy shit) that so many people have read (which is outrageous that you all read and enjoyed my delusions LMAOOO), and i’m SO EXCITED to write more.

my best friend in the entire world and truly one of my favorite people on the planet, @champangekisses , read so many of the fics that i’d doubted were worth posting, and promptly told me to shut the fuck up and post them, has truly been my biggest support. even with her goofy “requests” in my inbox, trying to throw me off (i always know it’s you, keep trying), she always knows exactly what to say to make me get out of my head and just fucking post something.

val, i love you so much, and thank you for always being there for me.

i’ve met people on this app that i absolutely adore and truly love so fucking much that it’s insane.

@floofparker , you were my first friend on this app, and i love you so fucking much. i’ll truly never stop saying how grateful i am to have met you. you’ve, on countless occasions, told me to post something that i didn’t know how i felt about, and every time, you had the right words to prove to me that it doesn’t matter what other people think about it, and that writing is art, regardless of how i feel the quality is. i love you.

a few weeks ago, i joined a little group chat on instagram, expecting to talk a few times in it and completely forget about it, because that had been the standard for every fandom groupchat i’d joined. what i wasn’t expecting, was to find a group of weirdos that never fail to crack me up, make me grin until my cheeks hurt, and make my heart ache with how much i love them.

ro @bernardenjoyer , mar @mbbsgf , kay @soursturniolo , and finny @ev3rgreenxtrees , i love you guys so fucking much, it’s insane. thank you for accepting me, and being one of my favorite parts of my day when i open my phone.

to the triplets (who will never see this, and if they discover tumblr and do, i still stand by my statement saying i will deactivate my account), thank you for making your content so understandable and relatable. i’ve never watched an influencer, or group of influencers, that i’ve truly felt like i’ve connected with, and for that, i’m incredibly thankful.

and to everyone that has read my fics in the last five months, thank you so much. you’ve all allowed me to express myself in a way that is absolutely mind blowing. i love each and every single one of you so much, thank you all so much for giving me a safe place to put my thoughts and soul into.

thank you, thank you, thank you.

happy fucking new year !!!!!!!!!

#el rambles #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo #the sturniolos #the sturniolo triplets #happy new year #querenciasturniolo

[beyondthisdarkhouse]

What is the Tumblr kokobot mental health thing and why does it keep messaging me when I go into various mental health/neurodivergent tags? I'm generally looking for community and I don't appreciate this site deciding I am In Danger. You're a therapist and I feel like you've probably talked about mental health apps before so thought I'd ask

Uuuugh, that thing. I think I blocked it a couple months back. BUT, I'm going to be as fair to it as I can.

The part you and I bumped into is their automated chatbot, which monitors traffic on social media sites to detect people having mental health crises and try to convince them to access mental health support. Apparently their bot got good enough at detecting human behaviour patterns online that they actually spun it off into a separate company for a while and then sold their tech to a corporation, before returning to the mental health idea. They returned to it, critically, as a non-profit, which is why I'm willing to give it a second look at all.

tl;dr: I would not immediately warn everyone away from using it! Which is more than I could say for a lot of Silicon Valley mental health startups. I don't love the current implementation, but I think they might have the makings of a decent mutual aid platform for temporary moments of stress.

Long version below

Like, I was not a fan at all of Trill when Tumblr partnered with it, because I felt that they were using well-intentioned volunteers to do potentially harrowing and dangerous work without adequate training or support. (Or not-so-great volunteers, since I was dubious about their vetting process) And a lot of Kokobot's origin story is in some ways really similar to Trill.

Most of these startups and initiatives mean well. They want to make the world better and help provide comfort and support to people who need that. I admire them for their dedication to a good cause. However, I believe that when you are devoting significant resources to building a system where you ask people to choose you for support in their moments of vulnerability, you cannot put your intentions ahead of their needs.

Like: It is really great that people want to help the less-fortunate. I think it shows warmth of heart to want to go somewhere and build homes for the homeless. But if you've never built a house before, and the houses you build are so poorly constructed that they fall down or catch fire or whatever, and they wouldn't have if you'd put the equivalent amount of money into hiring local out-of-work carpenters to do the work properly, I don't think you should keep operating like that as a charity.

I'm also judging Koko a bit as the former teenager who wanted to help people, in terms of how much they provide guidance and support to the helpers they've recruited.

Finally, I feel the need to remind all of us, as useless as such reminders feel, that if you are not paying for a social media platform, you aren't a customer; you are the product. "Kokobot", the organization, the platform, the AI, are not the core producers of its value. Its users are. Without people in distress to whom to provide support, and without supportive people there in times of distress, it would not exist.

Maybe this will never be an issue. Maybe this conflict will never arise. Maybe the nonprofit organization will be devoted enough to the needs of its userbase that they will serve them faithfully and well. I hope so.

I'm just... jaded, by things I've seen before.

What I don't like at all:

It took me a lot of work to go from looking up Kokobot on Tumblr to understanding how the company worked, what using the app was like, and whether their work was being informed by anyone with a lick of knowledge about mental health care. I still don't know a lot of stuff about how they handle anonymity in situations like imminent suicide or homicide, or abuses of the platform.

Kokobot messaging people out of the blue is creepy as hell. My first response was, "Fuck off, I can TELL you're not ethical." Most ethical guidelines I know of for mental health therapists explicitly forbid directly soliciting clients ("Hey there, I can tell you've got a few issues. Here's my card"), especially when people appear psychologically vulnerable or in distress. The only wiggle room there is when you're working in disaster relief and crisis intervention, but that does not make it an "anything goes" situation.

@kokobot posting lots of testimonials from users about how great their service is. Again, something usually strictly forbidden by ethical standards! When someone has just come to you in distress and you've provided them help, and then ask them to give you a Yelp review, you're not usually going to get thoughtful, measured, and informed feedback. It's a weird power dynamic that might be great advertising, but not great informed consent.

While Koko might be a legit company that does its job well, its presence and behaviour opens up the field of what is acceptable behaviour on social media. If one app can track mental health tags and solicit vulnerable people into joining their group, why not another? What will stop Scientology (which has done this in person for decades) from creating a similar app, pitching it to people in need, and coaching its users to go off all their psychiatric medications and use pseudoscience instead? Where are the safeguards?

What's Not Terrible

Kokobot is clunky and weird, but like I said on my post on Trill, the hardest part of moderation on social media is the amount of labour it takes, and the human cost of that labour. It seems to me that by using AI, Koko might have found an efficient way to automate much of that labour.

I tried out the actual app itself, messaging on Telegram; for my "problem", I just said I was concerned that a friend was messaging Koko a lot and I wanted to make sure it was legit. Sending it out required answers to some pretty vital questions—did I feel hopeful or hopeless about the world? What kinds of best- or worst-case scenarios was I imagining? They were worded in a way that felt human and genuine, and the chatbot was responsive and encouraging before my problem ever got human eyes on it.

(For the record: These are questions that can very quickly give information on whether someone is likely to be a danger to themselves or anyone else, which are really important.)

Then, at the bot's suggestion, I also helped a couple other people, where I was given very rough and ready training on active listening, then coached into writing a response. It avoided a lot of on-ramps to community toxicity, inasmuch as the problems and replies were private and anonymous, and there were instant feedback options if anything was worrying or upsetting.

This process showed what I think was a more sophisticated and useful implementation of AI than, uh....... like 99% of the AI I've seen. This is mostly a statement on the state of AI, but still. Koko seems like the bot's responses were really carefully workshopped and designed by actual humans who knew about crisis intervention and risk assessment.

The replies I got to my "problem" were fairly good, empathetic and genuine. (The bot encourages people to be a little dorky, and seeing an auto-generated response I myself was suggested made me roll my eyes; this could reduce the value for some people.)

I can definitely see the benefit of encouraging people who are feeling distressed to help others. Engaging in peer support encourages empathy, and helps people feel like they've got something to offer, and that problems might be solvable.

In the end, Kokobot is an expansion of the kind of work volunteer-run distress and crisis hotlines do. It has the potential to do a lot of good, but the organization itself has to consider so many other factors and processes than its users do. I sincerely hope it and Tumblr are being extremely thoughtful and careful in how they handle this work.

I would be delighted to be proven wrong, and have them turn out to be totally amazing. I really hope they do.

#suicide discussion tw #mental health #kokobot

[wack-ashimself]

Since I can not legally say 'in a free country' the words "I want to kill the USA president*" I will say this:

I hope every billionaire dies. And I don't care: I hope it's a drawn out (but not long), excruciating, impossible to cure, they are immobile AND incapable of communicating, death. LET THEM GOD DAMN SUFFER 10000x over what they have done to humanity. Maybe for their next couple lifetimes till the lesson sticks.

I hope every person who took or is taking bribes a billionaire dies. Legal or not (cuz it isn't moral any time). Same way they did.

I hope everyone who supports billionaires dies. Quickly. Idiots don't deserve to suffer.

Because I, myself, and millions of others are probably gonna starve to death due to billionaires. So if I die, I want ALLLLLL THOSE MOTHER FUCKERS TO DIE WITH ME.

So I heard they were requiring work requirements for food stamps. NOW. RIGHT NOW. During one of the largest unemployment times in ALL USA HISTORY, AND during what is now called the 'silent depression' which has been PROVEN WORSE than the great depression!

WHICH IS INSANE.

I have never in my life thought 'we should make the poorest most vulnerable PROVE they are poor, and EARN their FEW benefits.' NEVER ONCE. And I have had some dark, cruel, sick thoughts thru my life. BUT NEVER THAT.

Maybe cuz I grew up poor. Maybe cuz I had poor friends. Or maybe we are born on a shared planet, AND OWE NO ONE FOR THAT. NO ONE. Not a single god damn person owns this planet but we pay rent to them, cuz we were CONNED into believing it.

Anyways, they require EIGHTY HOURS A MONTH. Or you're disqualified**.

And either you have to have a job job (that, btw, YOU CAN NEVER QUIT. Seriously. It says that! You have to have a GREAT reason for leaving. FORCED LABOR. AND you can NEVER volunteer to take less than 30 hours a week if you got more than that. WTF?!)

You can VOLUNTEER for FREE work. So in other words, DO NOT GET PAID, but, get enough money in a month from food stamps for about....3 weeks. I have NEVER ONCE in my life had food stamps last the whole month. Not even when I was in CA 10 years ago. Indentured servitude, anyone?

OR you can do work training programs thru the state, to teach you USELESS SKILLS that fucking high school should have taught you. Again, UNPAID.

So 2 of the ways they want you to work is to work for free, never getting beyond just to QUALIFY getting enough food from food stamps for a couple weeks. GENIUS! <fucking morons>

But 80 hours. Mandatory. Every single month. (Btw, isn't that cutting into the BEST times of the days for me to apply for and interview for jobs? IDIOTS!)

Hey-I don't mind applying for jobs, interviews, and telling you all about them. I got tons of proof I am trying to get into the work force. I am trying to make an effort. I like security, go figure.

But I have been unemployed OVER TWO YEARS. Only THREE INTERVIEWS in those 2 years. NO JOB OFFER YET. Closest I got was a job interview requiring a covid jab, and there's no god damn way in hell you're forcing me to do something to my body in order for a job. FUCK OFF. MY BODY, MY RULES. Other they wanted me to sign an arbitration agreement, which ALWAYS FUCKS THE EMPLOYEE. It is NEVER to your advantage; they were created so LEGALLY you can't sue your employer. THAT IS IT. Seriously; look into it.

I would already be DEAD, not exaggerating, if not for the food stamp program I have right now.

So now I have to apply for ANY job, take ANY job, and have to stay there till I die or I won't get food? Never moving up? Never earning more money (cuz the second I do, I LOSE food stamps, costing me even more money?)

Even if I am mistreated to the point I am suicidal?

I genuinely would rather die than enable this evil abusive system. Sincerely.

But I'm not going to do so without a fight. And maybe taking out a billionaire or so with me. Cuz it doesn't matter how much power, protection, and secrecy they have. With enough time, thought, and planning, one bullet isn't that hard to meet it's target. Ha....and if you're smart enough, it's food poisoning anyways. They're SO fucking arrogant, they forget who makes their food and does all their work for them. <And if they get paranoid enough, they'll just quit eating and starve to death, like me.> ;)

They're pushing me to the edge, and I swear, I don't push back. I bring them down the cliff with me...if only so they can't do it to another.

So let's do this. Let's see who blinks. I have NOTHING to lose; you have EVERYTHING to lose, rich bitches.

*I promise, like they want to make homelessness illegal, and they made that solider who lit himself on fire an 'enemy' cuz he believed in anarchy (which SIMPLY means NO RULERS), they will start arresting anyone anti state. Which is ironic: if I was in jail, I'd be promised more food and shelter security, FOR FREE, paid for by the taxpayers (and costing them SUBSTANTIALLY more), than if I remained in my current situation. Oh, and don't forget, largest for profit prison population used as SLAVES. So they gain 2 ways: state pays them to imprison them THEN they get to use them as cheap labor. THIS IS AN EVIL GOD DAMN SYSTEM.

**Again, if I just went out, and knocked up ANY random woman, and she gave birth, I would be promised food stamps, no work, instantly. Love that catch. Bring a child into the world you can't afford, and we'll feed YOU. But if not, starve to death if you can't find work***. Every single thing is broken.

***This just made me realize...if you were working even...70 hours a month, they would require you to volunteer for another 10 to get food stamps. What if the volunteer work only occurs the same hours you're at your job? Jesus fuck, did NO ONE think this thru in ANY way!? It always fucking gets worse...

<Do you think even a billionaire does 80 hours a month in work? FUCK NO. But we BAIL THEM OUT every god damn time.>

#billionaire #billionaires #food stamps #food #eat the rich #eat the 1% #ebt #biden #democrats #republicans

[dragongirldeity]

there's currently a very rare thunderstorm in San Francisco. i am sitting on my couch and generally enjoying this moment in life, because the past several years have been full of trials and tribulations. life is exhausting as a transfem, since my existence is first and foremost Political, and Up For Debate, while i largely just want to exist with my friends and loved ones and not be bothered.

of course, civilization being what it is right now, i am largely not afforded the luxury of getting to simply not be bothered about my existence. i can tune out some amount of it, for sure, but there's just such a volume of transmisogyny across society that it's always a status debuff i have to work against or put out of mind.

the past few years have been difficult, between graduating shortly before covid-19 (most of my 20s have been a weird haze of quarantining), amicably parting with my partner of 7 years (we have grown and simply have different wants now). i've never actually had many long-term support vectors in my life: i was sent to a religious high school, and wasn't allowed or able to keep in contact with any of my friends from growing up. i am estranged from my parents since they e-stalked me and have generally never respected my boundaries or autonomy as a person, and that's without getting into the mess of them Not Liking Me Being Queer. a lot of my friends have been moving away from the bay area, because building queer-trans community is Fucking Difficult when basically everyone in the bay area is only here transiently (and when a lot of queer stuff in the bay is cis-queer and not trans-queer, too). and that's why i myself am moving away later this year: much of my social graph has moved, and my attempts to regrow things here for the past year-and-change..... haven't been unsuccessful, but i think have helped me realize that even if i have a Fulfilling Social Graph here again, i would still be happier elsewhere, away from all the tech companies and nimbys and generally-constant sunny days (i am a vampire who enjoys the rain).

suffice it to say that life is generally difficult for a lot of trans people right now. life is difficult for your average people in general right now with the general socioeconomic situation we're in. life is more difficult for trans people, since we face nearly constant discrimination and harassment and hate and legislation. and then life can be even more difficult in typical life ways on top of that.

i still have things better than a lot of my peers: my computer autism means i have a reasonably stable job & career path. my best friend, whom i dearly love and cherish, was just in town visiting me last week. a few of my long-time internet friends live a few blocks away, and my two cats unconditionally love me. i do have people in my life who love me and care about my well-being. i am, blessedly, not alone in all this. and on top of all that i am fortunate enough to have found a pretty good therapist who can help me navigate and compartmentalize and process all of the struggles i face, since it's frankly a lot for a disabled autistic transfemme to navigate on my own.

the main thing that has been so hugely positive here is The Internet. the community i have would not really exist if not for The Internet. the social hubs that i cultivate and operate for my friends are, of course, on the internet. i meet friends-of-friends on discord and tumblr and telegram and whatnot, and it's truly great being able to be and feel so connected because of it.

and yet......... even on the internet, we are not free of anything. if anything, we're more vulnerable on the internet; our online identities and presences are intertwined, connected, and visible; it's easy for hateful motherfuckers to find the most vulnerable people online and go after them. if one part of your presence is found, it's a thread a stranger can try and unravel to expose you, to wield against you. at least in person, you can always put up a façade, walling off strangers and giving them nothing else to go off of; online, we just project an entity to be perceived, and often times aren't really aware of everything.

there's. a point here i wanted to make, somewhere. i wanted to say something with all this. i think it's that for a lot of us, we are just tired of all the fucking transmisogyny around every corner. it's already so much struggling to exist as a person In General at this moment in time. It's even harder having to face hate and struggle to exist even online just because you're a transfemme who wants to drop the façade around those like you. we're not allowed to have our own digital communities without outsiders wanting to look in and police us there, too.

for a lot of us, we are simply too tired and overwhelmed from everything else to also deal with this a lot of the time. and yet, deal with it we must, because we will be harassed. we will have headass CEOs saying headass CEO stuff. we will have politicians trying to legislate our right to exist away.

this is a lot to say that i don't regret anything about transitioning or whatever. i love being trans. it's a beautiful experience and i am much better for it, and am wholeheartedly glad to be trans, glad to know the trans people i know, and glad to love as i love. it is, truly, the neverending transmisogyny that is the problem, and it is truly exhausting having to deal with the transphobia and transmisogyny. nowhere is free from it except for the small insular exclusive spaces we carve out for ourselves.

take care of each other. love the transfemmes and transmascs in your life unabashedly, because there's functionally infinite amounts of hate we have to deal with at every corner, and aside from absolutely bodying the hate out of existence, the next best thing you can do to help is to support and love the trans people you know and treat them with compassion.

#transgender #t4t #transmisogyny discourse tag #i guess #hecate.txt #i should get back to writing poetry or weird memoir stuff again