Hey Eddie? Can you come and pick me up?
I know I could ask Jonny, but I wanna see how I do with purple and green.
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Dude I haven't had the thought to mention it before but the fucking artstyle is so fucking strong here.
Props to the artists for making it stand out so gods damn much. Loving it.
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yo harley congrats on the big day
hows it feel to be the first of us to be old as balls
guess this is the part where i go on a whole cheesy ass rant about how much your friendship means to me and whatever
which usually isnt my style but since its your bday and all
i guess its not too big a secret that even tho youre kind of a weirdo youre also pretty cool or maybe thats what makes you cool
hope you had a sick ass party on murder island
full of like
tea parties and furries or whatever
like some kinda fucked up alice in wonderland remake
not that theyd ever try and do an edgy remake of that classic
can you imagine haha
anyway
your gift will be a bit late but promise its on its way
scouts honor
even have a pic as proof
cant wait to meet in person one day and make some sick beats together
stay cool
tg
Jade: Big letr
GG: wowzers dave!!!!!!!!!!
GG: i would give you a hug if we werent
GG: an ocean away!
GG: best i can do is offer you a hug!
(forgot to add this but please follow @askinsufferableprick )
=>
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[read along with this]
DAVE: ..................... [𝓈𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓁𝑒 𝒻𝓁𝓊𝓉𝑒 𝓃𝑜𝓉𝑒]
ROSE: On the horizon of this forest path, you see a group of dark cloaked figures slowly trudging toward you. What do you do?
JOHN: my half-orc barbarian braces her greathammer and-- that's a one.
ROSE: Critical fail. Jade, what do you do?
JADE: well!! i believe in anticipation my rogue would try and hide behind a tree-- ok i rolled a one :(
ROSE: That's another... critical fail. Dave, what does your human bard do?
DAVE: [𝓉𝒽𝓇𝑒𝑒 𝒻𝓁𝓊𝓉𝑒 𝓃𝑜𝓉𝑒𝓈] active perception check
ROSE: ...That's a natural twenty.
DAVE: lets fuckin go [𝒮𝐼𝒞𝒦 𝐹𝐿𝒰𝒯𝐸 𝑅𝐼𝐹𝐹]
DAVE: i feel it in my fingers ⁽ˢⁿᵃᵖ⁾ i feel it in my toes ⁽ᶠˡᵘᵗᵉ⁾ these motherfuckers mean to harm us...........and theyve got to go
𝐒𝐎 𝐂𝐌𝐎𝐍 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐄𝐌 𝐍𝐎𝐖
you picked the wrong day. to fuck around with my
TIGHT CREW ⁽ᵒʰ ᵒʰ⁾
theres no escaping it (i can perceive you) heres what were gonna do [𝒶𝓃𝑜𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝓈𝒾𝒸𝓀 𝒻𝓁𝓊𝓉𝑒 𝓇𝒾𝒻𝒻]
ME AND MY BOYS ARE GONNA MESS YOU UP
JOHN: i rolled a one.
JADE: i rolled a one :(
DAVE:
FUCK
my boys are otherwise engaged. so im gonna bring it ALL MYSELF
hhey i forgot youre supposed to tell me what i see right
ROSE: Yes, thank you. Let's just slow it all down a bit. So, you notice that one of the hooded figures is a little shorter--
DAVE: 𝐢 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐧𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐠𝐨
YOURE A SHORT MOTHERFUCKER AND NOBODY LIKES YOU
[𝓈𝒾𝒸𝓀 𝒻𝓁𝓊𝓉𝑒]
SHORT
everybody says "look how fuckin short that guy is" and it stops you from forming 𝓶𝓮𝓪𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓯𝓾𝓵 𝓻𝓮𝓵𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷𝓼𝓱𝓲𝓹𝓼
when you were born everybody thought that you were just a head but THEN THE DOCTOR SAID "WAIT. this 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐝 𝚖𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚏𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚗 tiny ꜱʜᴏʀᴛ ᴀꜱꜱ ʙᴀʙʏ got a tiny little ɪᴛᴛʏ ʙɪᴛᴛʏ ʙᴏᴅʏ and i 𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐄 it"
ROSE: Your attack lands and absolutely SHATTERS the mind of the cloaked figure; perception check, please?
DAVE: nat twenty lets go
ROSE: You perceive the figure was so short because it was a CH--
DAVE: --ild. its always a kid
ROSE: Specifically the child you've been looking for for the last fifteen days game time and five days of our actual lives.
DAVE: ok im sorry i didnt know ill be better. ᵘᵍᵍʰʰfuck his bodys just lying there right
ROSE: ...
DAVE: right
ROSE: ...Yes... ...!! Don't--
DAVE:
LOOT THAT BODY
gotta 𝓛𝓞𝓞𝓣 𝓣𝓗𝓐𝓣 𝓑𝓞𝓓𝓨 𝓝𝓞𝓦
LOOT THAT BODY
gotta loot that motha𝐅𝐔𝐂𝐊ᴬᴬᴬ !!! playin my flute when i 𝙻𝙾𝙾𝚃 ᴛʜᴀᴛ 𝔻𝔼𝔸𝔻 𝕂𝕀𝔻𝕊 𝓑𝓞𝓓𝓐𝓐𝓐𝓨
[𝓕𝓛𝓤𝓣𝓔 𝓜𝓞𝓜𝓔𝓝𝓣]
BITCH
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hey dave! happy birthday!
now youre old too
i hope you get cool movies or swords or whatever it is you wanted for your birthday
im sending you over a gift but it will PROOOBABLY be late! im unsure!
but I really hope you have a sick birthday and get to do all your cool kid stuff
i was GOING to get a cake baked and sent over but i couldnt find a bakerywho was willing!!! stupid bakers amiright
-Jade
nah harley im not old
its those other 2 that are just basically infants
us?
were like fine wine baby
getting better with each year
till some old butler comes down to the cellar
looking to impress his boss
this one here is a fine vintage sir
from the year 1995 sir a good year sir the best in fact
only to slip and drop me all over the floor red spilling everywhere
wait where was i going with this
no stress about the cake
shame about the present tho
like damn jade youre breaking my heart here
cant believe it id never do that to you
would never get distracted and forget that shit takes like years to get to you over there on treasure island
but suppose ill live
i got plenty of other shit till then
too much even
barely space in the apartment from all the cake and presents from bro and all my adoring fans
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