#how hard is it to listen to people when they fucking talk to you

[jarofstyles]

Put Your Records On

This is a little thing I came up with at 2 am and kept writing till 5 lol. It's pop star y/n x rock star H. I don't do a lot of canon H and some things are changed/ don't fit into the real one but that's on purpose. Part two will be up very soon!

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WC- 4.2k

Warnings- dirty talk, mention of bullying (Brief)

She saw him from across the room- well, more like felt him. The room had a buzz in it that it hadn’t before.

It was common knowledge that he was going to be there. One of his best friends was hosting the after party for the BRIT awards, and she had been lucky enough to be invited considering her manager had been friends with the group for a while. Actually, it was a bit shocking that she’d never met the man considering how close their circles ran. She’d met a lot of his management and production team, even a few members of his band- but never the man himself. 

It was her second year after making it big on the music scene but her entire life, she’d been working towards this. School musicals, voice lessons, guitar and piano lessons, music had become her flesh and blood and she was determined to make it her bread and fucking butter. She’d been blessed with her voice and a talent like hers wasn’t one to waste, that’s what her parents had said as she grew up- and it had all paid off. She went home with Best New Artist and was coming down on the buzzing high of another huge accomplishment of her career. 

Harry was infamous, at the top of the damn world and everyone knew his name. He was just about to hop back on tour, one Y/N had been invited to attend by his manager himself. It seemed like today was the day they would finally meet in person, and judging by the recognition in his eye, he had heard about her too. 

God, that made her want to vomit. Growing up she’d been a casual fan of his band, been to a few shows even after scraping together enough money for a ticket along with her best friend. Said friend was lost somewhere in the room and Y/N knew she had a knack for awful timing, but as the man got closer to her she felt her insides begin to bubble. She wasn’t one to get starstruck super easily, thank god, but it was hard not to feel intimidated as he approached her. A black blazer with a very sheer pink blouse underneath, pants tight on the thighs and flared at the calves, necklaces hanging in a thatch of thin chest hair, she’d felt her mouth dry as his smile was given directly to her. Someone she’d grown up singing to in her bedroom, right into her hairbrush, was grinning at her like she was someone important. 

“So we finally meet.” Harry reached his hand out to shake hers. Clunky rings covered the digits as her own took them, shaking his warm hand with her own smile on her face. She’d been on stage in front of tens of thousands of people, and yet he was a bit more intimidating. Still she was going to do her best to use her brief acting skills and pretend her heart wasn’t in her throat. “I’ve heard so much about you- your album’s fucking brilliant.”

He was tipsy, she could see that much. His eyes were slightly hooded and he had a looser demeanor than he had seated at the table ahead of her at the awards show. Good for him. It wasn’t likely that he did this too much. It was well known that he wasn’t much for drinking during his working season and he’d won two awards! That called for drinks all around. 

What took her off guard, though, was the fact that he’d listened to her album. He listened and he had said it was good? Her cheeks heated as she realized he was still holding her hand, gently letting it fall as he took a step closer. It was a little loud out there but not too bad if you were close enough. “You think so? I’m hoping it’s all good things.” She let out a laugh she hoped sounded natural, adjusting her hair. The girl had always been one to fuss with her clothes when she was nervous but hopefully he didn’t realize that. “So is yours. Got quite a few on my playlists.” 

“Yeah?” His smile grew bigger. “Which ones?” Y/N felt the lump in her throat as she tried not to think about how good he smelled. It was so creepy, noticing that. There was a faint hint of tobacco and the tiniest bit of alcohol, but he smelled really warm. Cuddly, in a way. It made sense in her brain, but she was also a drink in at this point. 

“Mmm, I have a few from other albums but from the latest? Satellite, that’s the go to for the gym for me… Late Night Talking, very relatable for me. Erm… Boyfriends, unfortunately.” She saw him give a playful wince. “Yeah, men are shit- no offence. And then I’d say Daydreaming is a personal favorite. As It Was was brilliant, obviously, but Daydreaming is my favorite.” It felt like maybe she word-vomited a little but he’d listened to every word, seeming pleased with her answers. 

“Daydreaming isn’t one I hear of being a favorite, usually. M’chuffed that it’s yours.” He genuinely seemed happy about it. “I really liked the closing track of your album- it’s so rare to find albums that tell a story, that are thoughtfully laid out, at least at this point in time. I love to listen from front to back and it was laid out perfectly. Usually m’a bit of a snob and would have some critiques but you nailed it.” 

Y/N preened. It wasn’t a compliment she got often and it shocked her because that meant he’d really listened. Really paid attention to her music and took time with her album. It was extremely flattering. Surreal, really. Who could have told 15 year old Y/N that Harry would be a fan of her fucking music? She’d probably pass the fuck out. “I’m shocked you got that, but thank you. Yeah, I did the same thing growing up. It was my favorite part of music I’d find, seeing how stuff flowed together. Top to bottom and then bottom to top, then I can shuffle.” It was said in a slightly joking tone but she was fully serious. 

“You get it, Y/N.” He reached out to nudge her shoulder. “I’ve been trying to meet you for a bit but my schedule’s been hectic. Thought it wouldn’t be since we’ve been going for a bit now but tour prep… can be brutal, y’know?” 

Y/N did know, but on a minuscule scale compared to what his tour probably entailed. He was doing stadiums, for god’s sake! Y/N’s arena tour sold out quickly, but there was a huge size difference in where they were. Hopefully she’d reach his level one day. “I do, I do. It’s not a big deal, I didn’t think you were avoiding me or anything.” For a bit she did, but that was wiped away when she’d realized he released the tour dates. It had been months of almost meetings but she had faith in the universe. When it was meant to happen, it would. 

“God no, I was excited to. Did y’want to come sit with us over there?” He motioned to the private area she was allowed into but not been brave enough to venture to quite yet. 

“Sure, that would be nice.” Y/N hadn’t expected to be invited to sit with him personally, let alone feel his hand on her back as he led them through the crowd of people in the room. The star said hellos as he walked through but somehow had mastered the art of saying hi without being caught into a conversation without seeming rude. That was a skill she sure as hell was envious of.

His hand was really fucking warm. She could feel slight calluses on his fingertips, in true musician fashion, but they weren’t as rough as one would originally expect. Her backless dress did her no favors in hiding the warmth and how nice and comforting his touch felt, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to thank or scowl at her stylist. It wasn’t half as uncomfortable as the dress they’d pulled for the carpet, thankfully this dress was a slinky, emerald green one with room for her legs to actually move. Her updo had been taken down to a mess of curls that nearly reached where his hands were- the power of extensions. As heavy as her head felt, she couldn’t deny that she felt exceptionally beautiful. Thank god the universe had chosen today to meet Harry. 

“Finally!” Sarah sighed. “I’ve been waiting for you two to meet for ages. Come sit.” The woman had always been very sweet, even more sweet with a few drinks in her. Saying her hellos to the familiar people, she felt Harry sit himself next to her in the booth and immediately drinks were brought over. So this is why it was VIP. It was a lemon drop, something Y/N did happen to like. Harry handing her one before taking his own was unexpected but very appreciated, a gentle thank you exchanged as he settled back next to her. 

It was unreal to be here. To be sat at a table of friendly but insanely successful people, feel like part of the ‘in’ crowd, it had completely blindsided her. This was the sort of thing that she’d always thought about when she was in her bed at home as a teenager, hoping one day to rub elbows with the people she once admired so much they had space on her bedroom wall, and here it was. Someone who’s face was on her favorite bedtime tee shirt (Those merch shirts were expensive and she wasn’t about to get rid of it because a member was now in her circle). 

“Y/N, did you know that H added some of your songs to the preshow playlist in his dressing room?” Sarah hummed. 

“You did?” The girl gasped as she looked at him. If she didn’t know better, she could have sworn she saw a bit of a pink glint to his cheeks. Maybe it was the alcohol. 

“He did, and he’s been raving about it to Mitch. Sometimes he’s singing it when we pass, that one song about the… what’s it called? The Raven? Some sort of bird.” 

“I think you’ve had enough to drink.” Mitch had to laugh at her airing a bit of Harry’s business, but she was a chatterbox when she was drunk. 

“That’s so nice!” Y/N said shyly. “You’re on mine too, actually. The dressing room for me and the one the fans listen to, I can hear them sing it from backstage.”

Harry’s leg was pressed into hers so she didn’t have to turn far to look at him, watching him finish his drink as he nodded. “I do, yeah. Told you I liked your music. I meant it.”

“Yeah, if he didn’t he wouldn’t mention it. That’s why when he met that girl earlier he just said it was nice to meet-” Sarah was cut off by her husband asking her if she wanted to see something on his phone, putting Harry out of his misery. 

“M’not an ass.” He groaned. “I just didn’t vibe with the album, y’know? I won’t say things I don’t mean but that doesn’t mean I can’t be polite.”

“Agree, 100%. It’s easy when it’s just a taste thing, but I’ve found it harder with people I’ve seen or heard talk bad about me and it’s confirmed. Dunno how you’re able to do that.” Y/N struggled to not show her nerves or distaste of people sometimes and it was something she was constantly working on. Her best friend often had to tell her to adjust her facial expressions and she’d even gone viral once for a ‘stink face’ she’d made at someone. It was accidental of course, but it’d also caused one of her first big waves of hate. 

“It’s not easy, and anyone who says so is lying.” Harry confirmed. “It’s taken me years. Said something about pussy on tv not realizing the cameras could see, so It’s trial and error.” The joke had the both of them laughing, Y/N not divulging that she indeed already knew that. “I think it’s important to just remember they’re humans and probably just as nervous t’see you. It’s just a short interaction and you can move on quickly. I also think working out, yoga, all of that helps a lot with my inner calm. It isn’t easy, like I said, but you’re also in the beginnings of your career in this sort of light. I’ve got no doubt that you’ll be able to have a good poker face by the end of the year.”

“God, I love that song.” Y/N sighed. “Poker face, loved that one I mean. But thank you. I really do appreciate the advice. I was terrified coming tonight. The award shows are much scarier than your own gigs.” 

“Oh, definitely.” Harry whistled, taking another drink from the tray and handing a fresh one to her. “S’like, you know the people who go to your shows are there for you. It’s like a little family get together, it’s safer. Those people love you enough t’buy a ticket, travel got knows how long, wears a shirt with your face on it. It’s mental to think about but incredible. These things?” He motioned around the room. “All marketing and partying, but more drama. S’crazy how many people have slept with each other in this room.” Harry realized a bit too late that he’d said too much but thankfully Y/N just giggled in agreement. “You seem to take to it quite well though. Not to sound weird but I saw you accept your awards and socialize a bit here, you’ve probably got the whole room fooled.”

That was a relief and a compliment in her opinion. The goal was to make sure no one sensed the weakness. Unfortunately she’d learned early on that these people could sniff it out like a shark in bloodied water. “That’s the goal.” She replied, leaning back into the seat. Her back was killing her from the bloody heels on her feet and how tight her other dress was, so it was a relief to have this reprieve from them sitting here. 

“So tell me about your tour then. What’s going on with that?”

—-----------

Y/N was drunk. Certifiably hammered. She had one too many lemon drops and apparently, so did Harry. Some of the people had vacated the booth and it left them alone as they talked amongst themselves. With the aid of the liquid courage, she wasn’t losing her mind over how close they were. Sure, her heart was still going a million miles a minute, but that was due to his fingers fiddling with the strap of her dress. Harry was, evidently, a touchy drunk. Clingy. He’d even followed her to the bathroom and waited for her outside before they’d returned. 

In all honesty, she was pretty sure she wouldn’t believe all of this in the morning. That Harry had ignored everyone else in favor of talking to her, tucked away in VIP at a round table, his body closer than it needed to be considering the space. They’d talked about a lot of industry things, but more so the fun and personal. She told him about her collection of band tee shirts and admitting to not having listened to all the bands she wore, but he didn’t judge her for it. Said he went through a phase of doing the same while in the band. She told him about her cat, a Siamese named Simon and he’d cooed over photos on her phone about how cute he’d looked with his collar that had a little flower on it. So many topics were covered, so many things discussed in the last two hours that she felt like she was getting a handle on who he was. 

Though this many drinks, it was bleeding into oversharing.

“Your ex was at the awards?” He asked, eyes slightly red but widening as she dropped the tidbit.

“Yep.” The p in the word was exaggerated with a pop of her lips and an eye roll. “Note to you for the future, don’t fuck anyone involved in your production team. Makes for a nasty breakup and a lot of rude ‘inside sources’ with the press.” Her lips flattened. “And he couldn’t even make me finish, so. Fuck him.”

Harry’s eyes widened further before he groaned, his head dropping to the side onto the leather booth seat. “No, not that, Y/N. C’mon.” He seemed a bit distraught. “It’s always those guys that make your life hell, isn’t it? I’m sorry. I did learn that a bit early on.” He seemed to remember it but she didn’t ask. If he didn’t divulge it, she wasn’t going to pry. “You got the shit end of the stick. It’s one of my embarrassments being a male. Y’don’t have to be a rocket scientist to learn how to pleasure a woman.”

“You’d think.” She scoffed. “Swear, men in LA don’t know how to use any of their appendages. Used like a human fleshlight so I stopped hooking up with people. It got discouraging after the fifth time I left. Not a single one know where the clit is.” It was an unfortunate truth. Maybe she was looking in the wrong places or had a string of bad luck, but she’d been voluntarily celibate because of it. “Doubt you know what m’talking about, Mr Watermelon Sugar.”

Y/N realized her internal thought had become an external one when he broke out into his own giggles, her face heating. She’d definitely not meant for that to be said out loud, but thankfully he didn’t seem offended. It was the truth anyways, any man who loved pleasuring a woman so much that he wrote a whole song about it had to know what he was doing.

As his giggles came down, he replied. “Well, I’d like t’think I do. I…” He swallowed. “Know we just met, but overshare?” Scooting closer, he watched her nod. “I think I get off more on getting other people off, if that makes sense. Like, making someone feel good. I dunno if it’s some sort of ego thing, but I enjoy it a lot. Being the cause of pleasure. Think it probably ties in to a bit of a praise kink I’ve got, but it’s the truth.” 

Y/N had never thought she’d get into this sort of conversation with the man, let alone in a dark corner at the BRITs afterparty, but she wasn’t about to complain. “So it’s true then?” She rose an eyebrow. “You really love eating pussy?” Drunk Y/N had officially taken over. A bit of a drunk, horny Y/N she’d been trying to repress. In the morning she would be mortified that she asked that, but right now she was genuinely curious. 

“I do.” He smirked. “I dunno there’s just something about it. Being the one to make someone gasp. When it feels so good they try and push and pull you at the same time. Love the taste, love t’hear the noises. Maybe it’s a little arrogant of me but your name sounds better when it’s said with pleasure, don’t you think?” 

Y/N should have known better than to ask. Harry was a very attractive, alluring man, he was close to her and smelled so fucking good and god damn it, she was already horny. Her cunt throbbed and she knew she was going to have a wet patch in her thong when she left, but she was a glutton for punishment. “I do. I like giving for the same reason.” She admitted. “I’ve always had a lack of gag reflex so, it’s made it easier for me than other people probably have it.”

Harry’s interest seemed to be stroked, fingers brushing over her bare neck as she spoke. It was hard to concentrate here, with him so close. But Y/N always did like to be a bit of a tease, brushing the tip of her foot over the back of his leg. Maybe they were playing a dangerous game talking about this, but no one else was around. She didn’t fall back when his head dipped slightly, getting closer than necessary. “Look at us then. What a pair.” 

“I know. You’re just bold enough to write a whole song about it.” Her finger poked him playfully in the chest. 

“M’not apologetic about it. A woman’s pleasure is important and often overlooked. Makes me sad that no one’s made you feel good in that long. I hope you’re taking care of yourself at the very least.” Oh, she was. And she would be when she got back to her hotel tonight. Thank god for the suction vibrators. 

“I do, but it’s not the same as having someone else do it for you.” Her drunk self told her it as a good idea to pout, trying not to breath too hard as his fingers caressed the nape of her neck. “Sometimes I just miss the touch of another human, you know? Even innocent touches but, there’s nothing like being fucked so hard you feel it the next day. Feels like it’s impossible to find it anymore.” 

“It’s not.” He replied. Eyes were staring into her own. “You’re fucking stunning. Especially tonight, you could pull anyone in the room.” Gaze dipped down to her cleavage, not hiding that he was looking. Heat that had been bubbling in her stomach spread through the rest of her body, his touch igniting a bit of a spark. 

“Anyone?” Her head tilted to the side. The tension had been growing a bit with the two of them but now it was thick in the air. There was no denying that there was an attraction between them but it was palpable now. “So if I wanted to, I could pull you?” Y/N had no idea if he was even available for anything right now. It wasn't’ a smart idea considering how closely they worked near each other, but right now all she could think about was the fact that she had full confidence that Harry could give her the feelings that she wanted- the fuck she needed. 

“Absolutely. M’hanging on by a thread here.” His voice deepened, face far closer to hers than should be appropriate for two people who just met. “I’ve been trying to be a gentleman all night. M’a bit of a slut sometimes but hookups aren’t usually my thing. Was trying to figure out a way to ask you out but, I’ve been a little nervous.” Fingers curled around the back of her neck as their noses brushed. ‘But fuck it, right?” Warm breaths puffed against each others, leaving the ball in Y/N’s court. 

“Fuck it.” 

Harry took that and ran. Lips pressed against hers as he cradled her neck, angling her how he wanted while he slowly kissed her. It was shockingly intimate despite the setting, smooth, soft lips sucking lightly against hers. There was no sign of stopping as her mouth opened for him, letting their tongue brush and the heat rise between them. His body angled slightly to cover hers from view, he let out a low groan in his throat as her hand raised to his hair. It was soft and a bit long for him as of late, but it felt good between her fingers. His other hand held the side of her face, so gentle but solid that she knew she’d give into any of his demands. 

The party raged on behind them but they got lost in the kisses, one turning to three, turning to ten and they hardly came up for air. There was no doubt her makeup was going to be fucked up, that her lipstick was done for, but there was no better way to ruin it. “Y’taste so sweet.” Harry’s words were whispered against her swelling lips. “And you smell so good. Been driving me a bit crazy. Wanted to meet you for ages cause I knew we’d get on… but didn’t think we’d get on this well.” He chuckled into the kiss, squeezing the back of her neck and making her melt slightly into him. “Hoped for it, though.” 

“You did?” Her own voice was breathless as she tried to catch up to his kisses.. It was hard not to get butterflies when he hummed in agreement. Harry had been excited to meet her. “Had a little crush, did you?” The statement was fully meant to be a tease, but he agreed. 

“Suppose I did.”

#jarofstyles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfic #harry styles smut #harry writing #harry styles imagine #harry drabble #harry styles blurb #harry styles writing #harry fanfic #harry styles fanfics #harry styles fic #harry styles au #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry smut #harry fluff #harry angst #famous h x famous yn #put your records on

[thelov3lybookworm]

Mine? (part 4)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Summary: He just wants to talk.

•○●⛦●○•

A/n: we love short chapters... right?

anyways, enjoy!

(dividers by @saradika-graphics)

Y/n tensed, staring back into the grey eyes she used to be in love with.

How did he know she was here?

She glanced at Nash, who held Adelaide close to himself.

No, he wouldn't do that.

Y/n thought about it for a moment as she stood.

Did he tail us?

Her eyes widened when she realised that he had, in fact, been tailing her.

But he wouldn't meet her eyes, locked on the babe in his brother's arms, his gaze accusing.

"You knew?" His voice was calm, calculated as he looked at the other two brothers, who simply stared at their feet. "You all knew."

"Gray-" Nash began, his face serious, but Grayson cut him off.

"Get out."

"What do you mean get out? We're staying here-" Jameson complained, standing as he glared at Grayson. All the while, Y/n watched, a pit in her stomach.

"I want to talk to her. Take the baby, and get out."

Y/n could feel all their eyes on her, but she only stared back at Grayson.

"Y/n?" Nash mumbled, and Y/n gave him a curt nod.

"I'll be fine." She glanced once at him and Adelaide meaningfully, who was drooling over the collar of his shirt.

Nash gestured at Xander and Jameson to get out, which they did, leaving Grayson alone in the room with Y/n as they locked the door behind him.

Y/n sighed, settling back in the armchair she occupied. "What did you want to talk about?"

He stared at her, his eyes hard, before stalking forward.

"I just want to know. Why did you leave?"

Y/n’s eyebrows rose.

"Are you seriously asking me that?"

Grayson was not amused, his jaw clenching as if he was trying not to lose his temper as he walked towards the fireplace mantle and leaned against it.

"Yes, Y/n, I am seriously asking you that."

Y/n laughed, the sound void of humour. "Why did I leave, Grayson? Besides the fact that you thought that night was a mistake?"

"So you left because I told you that it was a bad idea to fuck my friend? Well, forgive me for not realising how sensitive you are and that you couldn't understand why it was wrong."

Tears stung her eyes as Y/n stared at him, the dark, empty place in her chest that was filled with resentment and sadness, the place that once overflowed with her love for him, filling with anger at the way he tried to downplay what he had done.

She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down because she didn’t trust herself to not slap him to a pulp.

"Why do you think I let you touch me that night, Grayson?" She didn’t let him answer. "It was because I genuinely was in love with you. And maybe a little delusional, considering I thought you might actually have moved on from Emily and Eve and decided, to, I don't know, be a sensible human being. But boy was I wrong."

"Y/n-"

"No, Grayson. You don’t get to interrupt me. You wanted to know why I left, so you better zip it and listen."

His mouth closed with an audible click as she stood, tears now pooling in her eyes.

"I watched you be so hopelessly in love with so many people Grayson, watched as you got your heart broken by each one of them. First Emily, then Avery, then Eve. all the while I burned for you. All the while I was right there, waiting for you to realise that you didn’t have to be alone."

Y/n sniffed, taking a step towards him, her eyes unwavering as he straightened. "That night, when we made a mistake, you were just using me to get over Eve. you did not care that you hurt my feelings. You just wanted to have what you couldn’t get from her. And right after, you tell me it was a mistake. How could I stay after that, Grayson?"

He swallowed. "I’m sorry-"

"How could I stay, knowing that when you found out that a life was growing inside of me because of your mistake, you would probably just leave me to take care of a child you helped create by myself? Knowing that you would be disappointed and probably ask me to terminate?"

Y/n continued to step closer to him, watching his reaction closely, tears beginning to leak down her face as she whispered in his face. "How could I stay, knowing that in the off chance that you wanted to be in the life of my daughter, there was a possibility that you would turn out just like your father?"

His eyes flashed, and with their close proximity, Y/n could see the silver lining his eyes. But she did not care. He deserved to feel the pain that she went through. He deserved to know that it was because of him she went into hiding.

"I wouldn't have abandoned you two had I known, and you know damn well that I wouldn’t have turned out like him."

Y/n smirked. "Do I now?"

"You could’ve told me Y/n. You know how much I value family. You knew, and still you ran off."

The anger that surged in her veins was quick to overpower any sense of self she had, and she moved before she realised what she was doing.

The loud crack was satisfying still, and the red handprint left on his cheek was enough to soothe her wounds.

"Maybe instead of telling me how stupid I was in not informing you, you should ask your mother why she thought she could make decisions for you."

His head snapped back to her, his eyes wide.

"My- Skye?" Y/n watched as a tear made its way down his cheek. "She knew?"

Y/n laughed. "Of course she did. Did you really think I would put my daughters future in jeopardy by keeping her away from her father just because I wanted to be petty?"

He stayed silent, gazing into Y/n’s eyes. "Did she tell you to stay away from me?" He leaned in. "How much did she have to pay to buy your silence?"

His voice was harsh, taunting.

"Nothing. I was not about to risk the lives of my family and daughter by going against her wishes" Y/n mumbled, taking a step back, ready to leave.

He blinked, shock evident in his gaze. "She threatened to…"

"Yes, Grayson. She threatened to wipe out my entire family, as well as my then unborn child if I even dared to hint at you that I was pregnant."

All the harshness bled from his face, leaving behind a vulnerable boy who was hurt more than he should have been at his age. "What would she gain-"

The door clicked open. "Y/n?"

She turned to look at Xander, who looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here. "Yes?"

"It’s Adelaide. She’s been crying for the past ten minutes. I think she’s hungry."

Y/n nodded, and with one last glance at Grayson, who stared at his brother with panic in his eyes, followed Xander out.

She knew he wanted to talk more, but she was done with the conversation.

The Inheritance Games Taglist: @dahliawarner

Mine taglist: @aaronwarnerobsessedmylove @blocked-zombieartist @lillycore @lanterns-and-daydreams

@bubybubsters @berryzxx @riddlesb1tch

#grayson hawthorne x reader #grayson hawthorne #the inheritance games #tig fanfic #tig x reader #grayson x y/n #grayson hawthorne fluff #grayson x reader #grayson hawthorne x you #grayson hawthorne x reader angst

[delusionalwh6re]

forest boy

aged up! neteyam sully x fem metkayina! reader

summary: neteyam caught your eye from the second his family came to your village, awa’atlu. as the two of you grow closer you can’t help but become more curious about the forest boy

warnings: fluff, angst, kissing, cussing, a bit suggestive, our man being sad (on eywa imma fuck somebody up), not so daddy jake being annoying, neteyam being silly

it was past eclipse on awa’atlu. families were cleaning up after having dinner and preparing little ones for bed. there was a cool night breeze in the air. as the night grew darker while the bioluminescence grew brighter there wasn’t nothing keeping the two of you apart

from the second your eyes landed on neteyam sully, you knew you were in for it. there was something about his cold stare as he eyed your people after landing on his now what you know is called an ‘ikran’

it lit up something inside of you. you observed the family from a distance along side your friends tsireya, roxto and unfortunately ao’nung. you remember being very curious about the darker na’vi but nonetheless welcoming

during the first weeks of the sully family’s arrival you tried your best to get them as comfortable as possible. swimming with kiri as she oddly had a bond with your native creatures, feeding the ilus with tuk and having talks with lo’ak on how it’s okay to be different

you felt like you knew them forever. they were like siblings to you and you started to grow an immense love for them as the months went on. however, there was one person who you weren’t as close with…

the boy you admired from the second he first got here. neteyam. you weren’t sure if he wasn’t fond of the water or it was just you but you had a feeling he didn’t wanna be on your island

so as much as it pained you since you wanted to get to know him, you decided it was best to keep a distance, until tonight.

“how is that my fault?” you heard a voice angrily shout in the distance

“because you’re the older brother neteyam!” another masculine voice shouted

it didn’t take you long to recognize those voices, mostly because you decided to be nosy and peep from the rock you were sitting on

it was jake and neteyam… arguing?

“so just because he can’t listen to a single thing anyone says the blame is on me huh?” neteyam argued against his father

from the rare times you ever heard neteyam speak it was safe to say he was never this angry

“maybe if you kept an eye on him like me and your mother have asked we wouldn’t even be in this damn situation!” jake raised his voice while eyeing down his son

that’s when neteyam finally snapped

“WELL IM NOT HIS FUCKING PARENT! I WASN’T THE ONE WHO LAID DOWN AND MADE HIM. WHY CAN’T YOU LOOK AFTER HIM FOR ONCE?”

everyone was gagged to say the least…

you can just tell by the look on his father and the rest of his family’s face that this wasn’t like him

you observed all of their reactions. jake was shocked along with neytiri at her son’s sudden outburst, his sisters looked sympathetic knowing the stuff their eldest brother goes through isn’t fair and lo’ak looked guilty

“you’re grounded” was all jake had to say. he didn’t even know how to react so he decided to say the first thing that popped up in his mind

but before he even went on to justify his decision neteyam walked off. he was genuinely so tired of his father’s shit that he walked off ass far as possible. he ignored his parents protests and didn’t even care to think about future consequences

you, still watching from afar noticed him going into what your tribe considered a little forest. there was plenty of trees and plants where delicious fruit grew for your people

you had a mental debate with yourself on what to do. you were still peeping from a rock and if anyone looked hard enough they would notice and consider you one of the biggest creeps on pandora.

so you did what a normal person who knew how to mind their business wouldn’t do, you followed him

you as nonchalantly as possible walked after neteyam. keeping a distance of course because the two of you were still technically strangers and from the last time you checked he was pissed the fuck off

all neteyam kept repeating in his head was “it’s not fair, it’s not fair, it’s not fucking fair” how is it that he got the blame for his little brother’s dumb ass decisions? ‘such a skxawng’ he thought

neteyam walked out as far as possible. he wanted to be as far as possible away from everyone. he seriously just wanted time to himself

until some fish bitch made her presence awkwardly known aka you

while you were walking, you took in your surroundings of the little forest. you had never been here before. you were metkayina, it’s simply not something you did often

the only people you knew of who went here were the hunters who gathered fruits for the clan. it was actually kind of forbidden for the average na’vi to come here which is why you never been

it wasn’t needed and your place amongst your people was in the water and on the sand

which is another reason you were drawn to neteyam. he came from a completely different world miles and miles away. all those nights you were in the water, he was in the wind. all those days you were on the sand, he was walking through trees

you couldn’t help but be intrigued. maybe you got too ahead of yourself though when you noticed neteyam basically speeding away and as you tried to match his steps you fell with an obnoxiously loud yelp

embarassing…

you practically ate shit and you felt pain shoot through your legs. you coughed out the dirt that flew into your mouth and gasped for air as it was knocked out from your lungs when you fell

“are you alright?” a deep soothing voice rang through your ears

‘eywa take me away from my misery’ you thought as your head made its way against the ground as u attempted to hide your unwanted presence

there was a laugh that made your heart feel like it was racing a thousand tulkuns “damn girl, that’s how you feel huh?”

there was a pause and then a sudden thump on the ground next to you. you opened your eyes a bit to be met with those yellow ones you always found yourself getting lost in

you didn’t know if he was trying to be funny or if he was being genuine. the two of you were laying face first on the ground while looking at each other

the immense eye contact you two had going on was getting too serious for you and you couldn’t help but laugh. soon after, neteyam joined in on your laughing and it lasted for what felt like forever

it eventually died down and you two rolled over to look up at those sparkling dots so far away in the sky you were always curious about

it was almost as if neteyam read your mind because he spoke up “those are called stars”

“how do you know that?”

“growing up my dad told us stories and explained how he came from one. that one right there” he pointed to a star that seemed to look a bit larger than the others “that’s where sky people live”

you were amazed “wow, those are beautiful”

you were too intrigued with the ‘stars’ as neteyam called them that you didn’t even notice him staring at you. he was admiring the side of your face

“so beautiful” he mumbled

you just shook your head in agreement still in your own little world thinking he was still talking about the stars

you were caught out of your trance when neteyam suddenly stood up to his full height and wiped the dirt off of him. you sat up too and started picking grass out of your hair

he was much taller than you thought. even while sitting since you had never even been this close to him before. now you weren’t too familiar with size kinks but eywa forbid you just gained one…

“here” he reaches his hand out for you to grab

“thank you” you gladly accepted his hand and gave him a small smile

he returned the smile as he quietly watched you fix yourself up. you had dirt all over you and he couldn’t help but try not to laugh as he imagined how you even got here in the first place

while you finished fixing your appearance your heart dropped to your teal ass as neteyam spoke

“so why were you following me?”

“what?”

“you heard me”

you were more than embarrassed. you felt as if eywa truly loved all of her children and wanting nothing but happiness for each and every one of you, she would snatch you up right now

“look i can explain” you stuttered

he nodded before licking his lips and crossing his arms while staring at you waiting for your next words

you started to play with your hair which is something you did when you got nervous “you see, it’s really not what it looks like”

he hummed and waited for you to continue

“so basically what happened was, i was on the beach and then an evil witch came out of nowhere. she looked like she was attacked by seaweed because she was covered in it. a disaster right? so then she used her evil witch powers and dragged me all the way out here after you to try and lure us into her cult” you explained

by the look on neteyam’s face you knew he was buying that shit

he chuckled “an evil witch huh?”

you giggled “yes! eywa forgive me but she wasn’t the best looking either.. truly a nightmare”

“you know, im glad we were able to escape this evil witch. that would be such a horrible way to go out” he dramatically sighed

“exactly, and imagine how our parents would feel! it would be a really really sad story and children wouldn’t be able to sleep at night” you playfully wiped an imaginary tear from your eye

he couldn’t help but laugh at the ridiculous story you just came up with. he knew you followed him but chose to ignore it because your sense of humor had just made him forget why he even came out here in the first place

dare he say this was meant to be..

your heartwarming laugh filled his ears as your face reddened a bit. the embarrassment was still there but him flowing along with your story made it less painful

you spoke shyly with a smile “im y/n”

he smiled “yeah i know”

your eyes widened slightly. he knew you? what the flip! this couldn’t be real

“you do?” you titled your head

“my siblings metioned you, specifically my sisters. the pretty girl who’s always nice to them” he shook his head laughing

you blushed hearing those words come out of his mouth when describing you

“they forgot to mention you were a stalker though” he side eyed you

“alright not too much” you held your hand up

the two of you laughed and eventually started to walk deeper into the little forest. you could’ve sworn from then on it was a dream

the night consisted of more laughing, deep conversations, shitting on sky people, conspiracy theories and daydreaming about the forest neteyam missed dearly

“do you think about your home?”

“every single day”

you smiled at him. the two of you found your way to this secluded beach not too far from the little forest and have been sitting here for the past few hours engaging in each other’s presence

“i wish we would’ve never left” his voice sounded like it cracked a bit

you having the comforting instinct you did slightly rubbed his back. it was safe to say that the two of you had built a bond in the last couple of hours so this was much appreciated by neteyam

“im sorry you had to leave your home neteyam. thats truly awful, hopefully one day you’re able to go back. be with your people and fulfill your destiny, you will always be welcomed here if you ever wanna come back” you gave him a soft smile as he turned to look at you

his pupils dilated as he looked at you. he would be lying to himself if he said you weren’t the most beautiful girl he has ever seen, and he swore by that

you laughed at his reaction “you know, i could’ve sworn you hated me”

“really? what made you think that?”

“because you were never around whenever i did activities with your siblings and just simply avoided me”

“oh, well that’s because you made me nervous” his cheeks became a deep purple and he looked away

you gasped “no way! i made the one and only mighty warrior nervous? im truly honored”

he laughed at your teasing and watched as you dramatically flipped your hair

you looked back at him with a smile as there was a comfortable silence forming between you two

“you’re beautiful y/n, you know that right?” his voice suddenly became raspy as he looked between your eyes and lips

you felt your entire heat up at his words

“im talking to you” his hand made its way to your knee as he turned his body

“i don’t know maybe you should show me how beautiful i am” you shrugged your shoulders

he smirked “don’t start something you can’t finish”

“would it be starting something i can’t finish or you wouldn’t be able to make me finish?” you challenged

he licked his lips and tucked his bottom lip between his teeth while holding eye contact with you

“i can make you finish, trust” his hand trailed up your thigh

you smiled and whispered “prove it”

his heart picked up at your words before he made the rational decision of crashing his lips onto yours

your lips moved in sync perfectly. his hand slowly made its way onto your hip as you gripped onto the side of his neck for dear life. kissing neteyam was like breathing in fresh air. it was like tasting the sweetest fruit on the planet. it was like ascending to the great mother herself

it was everything you ever wanted

unfortunately there’s this thing called breathing that requires you to live and you two had to pull away to do that

neteyam was the first to speak up and gasping for air “i could do that forever”

you smiled “me too”

the both of your hands made its way to eavh other to hold as your foreheads were pressed together

“thank you” he breathed out

you bit your lip in confusion “for what”

“being an escape, letting me forget about all the fucked up shit that just happened” you could feel his body tense up from just thinking about the events from earlier

you smiled and shook your head “you don’t have to thank me for that, i’ll always be here”

“fuck can you get anymore perfect?” he huffed

you laughed as you wrapped your arms around his neck and dragged your legs across his lap

he gladly held onto you and he looked up at like with so much love and lust it was starting to feel like his eyes were gonna explode from the overwhelming feeling

he smirked at the new position “you just wanna be all over me huh?”

you playfully rolled your eyes before pushing him onto the sand and connecting your lips again “shut up”

authore speaks 🤍

imma let yall figure out what happened after.. 😏

i plan on writing how i used to write on wattpad with my “y/n”, so basically she’s not gonna be a crybaby, she don’t take bs from anyone and she can stand on her own! i don’t like how some of yall be makin her a crybaby and scary, hoe stand up!

my girl will have a sense of humor and be a bad bitch!!!

i love this fandom sm. i’ve been in it literally since the first movie and i’ve been lurking (if u seen me liking a bunch of ur shit no u didn’t 😁) but i finally made my first avatar fanfic 🥹

i can’t wait to right more and watch this fandom grow more and more while being apart of the journey <333

love, liana

#neteyam #neteyam x reader #neteyam x you #neteyam x y/n #neteyam x na'vi!reader #neteyam x metkayina!reader #fluff #avatar #avatar the way of water #atwow #atwow fanfiction

[queervocasongtourn]

Queer Vocaloid Song Tournament: Side A, Round 1

Please listen to all songs before voting!

Shama by NILFRUITS feat. VFlower

VS

Zero Talking by Harumaki Gohan feat. Hatsune Miku

Propaganda under the cut!

SHAMA

"extremely potent yearning, the powerful dynamic of safety in disguise but a dangerous freedom in truth, beautiful characters…what more can you ask for?"

"if i am being completely honest i dont actually get everything that happened in shama - that can be left to all the other people who are more knowledgeable about nilfruits songs than me and immediately thought of submitting this - but I immediately thought of this song because its so SO good. the song itself is incredible and the mv adds on to make it an even greater work!! i might not know all of shama's story, but what i do know is that shama's a fantastic song regardless and i'll go crazy whenever i hear it. and i also do know that clay and kalmia (especially clay) are some great lgbtq+ rep in a vocaloid song!!! the section from 2:00-2:36, when accompanied by the mv, is maybe one of my favorite moments in any vocaloid song. what follows is also great! as propaganda i am begging the reader to go listen to shama with the mv if they haven't. i don't want to explain it because i don't entirely know how to but they're fucking gay and i really like how the mv shows this!"

"sapphic 👍👍"

"Okay so this one is kinda hard to explain but the MV is some flavour of queer for sure. Just… watch it and you'll get what I mean"

"a femme-fatale prisoner and one of her guards have a doomed romance..! the mv is by wooma, who uses a graphic colour palette to complement nilfruits's addictive guitar melody. this song is also the first in a series, so if you're interested in the prisoner's backstory, you can watch the other works to find out more :-)"

ZERO TALKING

"tbf most harugoha songs are so #yuri but this one has an actual kiss. royalty x maid childhood friends who have drifted apart over the years and the royal lady (unsure of her english title, in japanese shes just named daireijo) desperately wants to just Talk to her dearest maid dorothy again but can't get anywhere with it (hence the title). In the final chorus of the MV she has enough and kisses dorothy on the lips. They're referred to as "sisters" sometimes but this is a reference to the classic catholic school yuri trope where an older girl will take in a younger one as a "younger sister" and they have a sort of romantic friendship going on. They're like definitely not actually sisters it would make no sense. It's such a good song. the bass in it is really good. please listen to harumaki gohan"

"despite the sister term scare that happened when the mv first came out this mv is about a princess and her maid who used to be friends and i believe grew apart and the princess is trying to reconnect with her friend. also first harumaki gohan mv kiss iirc!! the song is also just a brainworm in general i looped it so much it was stuck in my head for months"

"The song is about a girl who has a strained relationship with another girl, and who wishes for things to go back to the way they were (the maid doesn't talk to her anymore). The use of "sister" is also not literal, instead being a term found in yuri to describe a relationship between women (often shorten to S/esu), as well as the comparison between the two girls and the story of orihime and hikoboshi, as well as the fact they literally kiss in the song. I don't know if you can really deny it with that."

"this was in my head for weeks and weeks after it released!! the mv really makes it, the surprise near the end is so cool"

"😳"

"ZERO TALKING TALKING TALKING .Harumakigohan is the king of vocaloid yuri rn but oh my god first on-screen kiss in his songs!!! For a cute song about a princess trying to win back the affection of her childhood friend now employed as a head maid at her castle. just listen to the beat and tell me u are not enthralled. the lil "pop" noise in the song when they smooch is adorable. the song is so catchy it's ridculous i just hit that shit on loop."

#tournament poll #vocaloid #queer #tumblr tournament #side a poll #nilfruits #harumaki gohan #Youtube

[mixelation]

heya, so i've read your fic "it's about magic eyeball biology" right when it came out on AO3 but i just saw it's not online anymore. is there a way you'd be willing to send me the file? I REALLY like it and I was reading it basically every day for a few days because it made me laugh

i pulled it because i was getting comments about it on other fics and that was super annoying. but i guess i don't have a problem reposting it to tumblr. some notes:

this is an AU based on a bunch of jokes in this tag (chronological order)

someone asked about how weird it would be to be an SI and find out about the eyeball symbionts, so i wrote about tori finding out. this fic is a joke. it is not "canon." no one in plasticity, mutagenicity, or any other fic of mine has eyeball symbionts. i do not find it interesting, amusing, or fun to explore this concept in other fics. i do not want comments or questions about it. please respect this

the word i chose to use is "symbiont," which in my experience is the more common term used by people who study symbiosis. "symbiote" is from marvel.

Tori was successful in not vomiting the first time she watched an autopsy. Her stomach churned uncomfortably, but she ignored it, watching Keizo’s hands and pointedly not looking at the face of their latest victim. If she just focused on the steady removal of organs from the abdomen and not the face, she could pretend they weren’t from a person. 

Then Keizo moved on to the head, and she had to look. He pried open the eyelids, and her stomach rolled. 

“The eyes aren’t so bad,” Keizo narrated, voice gruff and bored. He held the lids open with one hand while he cut away with the other. “I like to use curved scissors to-- pay attention-- cut through the fascial sheath, and then you can cut away the orbital muscles and it’ll pop right out. Orochimaru-sama isn’t going to let you touch anyone with a doujutsu, so don’t worry about damaging the…”

Tori frowned, barely listening to Keizo, as the victim’s eye did pop right out. It was smooth, almost a perfect sphere, with the dark brown iris raised ever so slightly. Pink viscera clung to it in Keizo’s hand. 

“Hold on,” Tori interrupted, twisting her neck to try and look at the back of the eyeball. “Where’s the… you know, the optic nerve?”

She was pretty sure the optic nerve was, like, huge. It was a bundle of over a million nerve fibers or something insane like that, if she remembered the human anatomy unit correctly. Her teacher had called it a “bridge cable.”

Then again, that unit was from an advanced high school class, and Keizo was looking at her like she was particularly stupid. Even if he was mean, violent, and uncooperative, he definitely knew more about cutting out eyeballs than Tori.

“Is it smaller than it looks in cartoons?” she tried. 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Keizo sneered. “Here, you do the second eye.”

That was the good thing about eyes, Tori supposed. You got two for the price of one. 

He passed her the curved scissors, which were slick with whatever goo lined an eye socket, and Tori hesitantly put down the notebook she’d been writing in. Feeling very light-headed, she copied Keizo’s movements, gently separating the victim’s eyelids and praying something would happen to intervene in what she was about to do. A fire alarm going off, or a earthquake, or fuck-- she’d take the hideout being actively attacked over this. 

No act of god stopped her. Her hands were shaking so hard that she accidentally punctured the sclera and transparent, goopy vitreous started leaking out. 

The eye did pop right out, though. There was no nerve at the back, and no evidence of one in the back of the pink socket. 

Looking into the face of dead, eyeless person, she could either feel the horror at what she’d done seeping into her very bones, or she could wonder: What the fuck?

xXx

She asked for an anatomy book. 

“I don’t see what the point is,” Kabuto told her. “You’re getting hands-on experience.”

“I want to know how things work when they’re still alive,” Tori replied. 

“Well…” Kabuto rolled his chair back from his desk towards a narrow bookstand of books and scrolls he kept in his clinic. “I suppose Orochimaru would approve. Here, you can look through this while we wait for that drug to kick in.”

He handed her what was clearly a picture book meant for children, a deeply condescending smile on his face. Tori pressed her lips together to prevent herself from saying something disrespectful, then forced her face into a polite smile. 

There was a chapter on different senses, and she slowly flipped through the chapter on chakra networks in mild interest, before she found the two-page spread covering sight. 

Mother of Christ, Tori thought. 

She hadn’t found an optic nerve because there wasn’t one. 

xXx

Part of Tori’s argument for why she shouldn’t be dissected like a frog was that there was no reason to think there was much special about her biologically, including her own anatomy. She thought it would be safer to simply not say anything.

But now she knew. She knew every person in this world was a walking sin against logic, and that knowledge, sitting in the Oto clinic with Kabuto, was a horrible, heavy burden that made it hard to breathe.

The picture book Kabuto had loaned her had explained vision to her the way Tori thought an alien who’d never even seen a human and also who didn’t have sight themselves might explain it: special cells at the back of the eye reacted to light, and then that information was transferred directly into the brain via a complex network of chakra, and this was not even the worst part. 

The worst part was that eyeballs were an entirely separate organism. A mutualistic creature that colonized newborn baby eye sockets and then metamorphosed into basically a giant eyeball that fed visual information into the brain in exchange for protection and nutrients. 

“During pregnancy,” the book had explained in a little Did you know? box, “a mommy’s body makes special hormones, which tell the visual symbiont to make babies too! The babies are called larvae, which have lots of little tentacles to help them move around. They like to stay with mommy, though, and so they find the baby when she holds it. Sometimes, when there’s a problem with mommy and she can’t donate larvae to her baby, a doctor can help daddy’s eyes make babies, or sometimes another mommy will donate!”

Tori was going insane. She was going to hyperventilate. What the FUCK!

“This is the worst thing I ever read,” she muttered to herself, eyes stuck on the book. Whatever drug Kabuto had given her was making her dizzy, but she felt like her vision was laser-focused and perfectly taking in the bright cartoon of two eyeball symbiont creatures. “Is this a joke? This has to be a joke.”

She was vaguely aware of Kabuto frowning at her. “A joke?”

“Visual symbionts?” Tori squeaked out, sounding and feeling hysterical. 

“Yes…?” Kabuto repeated. 

“No,” Tori argued. “No way.”

Bemused, Kabuto dug out more textbooks, these ones meant for actual medical professionals. He flipped through passages on syndromes related to host-symbiont genetic incompatibilities, being colonized by more than one symbiont, symbiont maldevelopment and absenteeism, chakra incompatibilities, if the symbiont spontaneously regrew its tentacles and left your head in order to start its sexual reproductive cycle. 

“Is this…” Tori felt like she couldn’t breathe. She felt more apt to vomit than she did when she’d fucked up trying to cut out someone’s eye. “Is this a genjutsu…?”

“Did you really not know about them?” Kabuto asked. “I thought you had biological training.”

Tori had to work very hard not to break down into hysterics. 

xXx

The good news was that “I have a special nerve that connects my eyeball to my brain and lets me see” sounded exactly as insane to both Kabuto and Orochimaru as “eyeball symbiont creature” did to Tori. 

Well, no, that wasn’t really good news. But she felt vindicated at both their absolutely baffled looks. 

She had to explain it three times– dropping words like “optic chiasma” and “retinal blind spot” before Kabuto believed her enough to press his fingers to her temple and send chakra into her eyes. 

“There is something there,” he said, sounding deeply perplexed, and Orochimaru perked up like a child receiving a Christmas gift. “I think-- yes, it’s a nerve.”

“I think you should be able to see it,” Tori said, “if you shine a light into the pupil.”

They did. Tori did indeed have a white spot at the back of her eye, right where her optic nerve entered her eye. 

“You’re like a cephalopod,” Orochimaru informed her, sounding like a dog owner telling their pet they were a very good girl. “This is how their eyes are arranged, an absolutely beautiful evolution. Oh, but the approach of the nerve is different. How fascinating.”

The examination ended with Orochimaru gleefully jabbing a needle into both Tori’s eyes. This was uncomfortable and painful, and he talked about how the presence of an optic nerve might be part of her future vision. 

At least this backs up my story, Tori thought as Orochimaru’s cool hand held her face down.

xXx

Orochimaru strolled into lab the next day and pulled Tori aside to go over the results of her test with her. He took her down the hall to an office, which was surprisingly homey, all things considered. Orochimaru’s office was lined with bookshelves, and had a nice wood desk and a comfortable looking chair behind it. There was an ornamental lamp, which along with the desk chair, were the closest to “creature comforts” that Tori had seen in Oto so far. 

She sat opposite to Orochimaru, in a much less comfortable chair. He spread a scroll out on the desk in front of her. 

“Do you know how to read the results of a DNA test?” he asked. 

“Uh,” Tori answered. “Not like whatever you’re about to show me.”

He hummed back at her, not at all bothered. “Ah, your otherworldly science. You should tell me about that later. For now…”

He explained how he’d compared the DNA extracted from her eye to DNA extracted from the hair he’d ripped off of her previously. They had matched exactly. He’d also ran her eye DNA against several visual symbionts they had on file, across many vertebrate taxa, and found no match at all. 

“Your eyes are one-hundred percent Tori,” he said. “It’s amazing.”

“...thanks?” Tori tried. As a joke she added, “I grew them myself.”

“Hmm,” he answered. “I wish I had more of you, and more of other animals from your world. I’d like to study how they evolved.”

“I don’t understand how they didn’t evolve here,” Tori told him honestly. They had a special socket and everything! “I think… do other animals have eyes here? I’m pretty sure eyes evolved more than once. In my world, I mean.”

Orochimaru leaned back in his seat, eyeing her indulgently, a smile tugging at his lips. “The leading theory is that the symbiont started as a flesh-eating parasite that attacked proto-eyes in vertebrates, and then evolved with us until it simply replaced our eyes. Most babies are born with soft tissue in their sockets, to feed potential symbionts, and some think that growth is left over from millions of years ago when our ancestors had their own eyes.”

“Oh,” Tori said, unsure how to respond to that. She’d been taught parasitism and mutualism were opposite sides of the same symbiotic spectrum, so moving from one end to the other made sense. “Well, that happens sometimes.”

Orochimaru laughed. 

They chatted. Orochimaru was good at answering questions thoroughly and without making Tori feel like she was stupid the way other Oto residents did, and he nodded along to her talking about whatever eyeball-related thing that came to her mind. Red-green colorblindness being a sex-linked trait, for example, was an extremely interesting topic for Orochimaru. 

“So do you not have the genes for photoreceptors at all?” Tori asked curiously. 

Instead of answering her immediately, Orochimaru had started writing down notes to himself. With the exception of occasionally labeling a tube or sample, Tori had never actually seen him write anything down before, and he scribbled with a sort of fervent focus. 

“I’ve never looked,” he said eventually. “There’s evidence for photosensitivity in those without symbionts, but… It would be interesting to use your genome to search for any analogous loci…”

Because the conversation flowed easily, Tori eventually felt bold enough to ask:

“So is this why you can just pass sharingan around like hot potatoes?”

Orochimaru paused in the middle of writing, blinking at her. 

“Hot potatoes?”

Tori blushed, and then backpedaled. “I know you… uh, Sasuke is going to get into a fight with Danzo at some point.”

She gestured at her forearm, and Orochimaru let a loud, rasping laugh. 

“I don’t think Danzo can see particularly well with those,” he said, eyes mirthful. “But I suppose eye transplants would be quite difficult with a nerve to connect, wouldn’t they?”

Tori nodded. She was pretty sure they weren’t even possible. There were… a lot of problems, there. But if the eyeball was supposed to be an external creature, it had to be easier to pass them around. 

“They have quite a high success rate here,” he answered, tone flippant as he played with the pen in his hand. “Unfortunately, an eye transplanted into a non-related host can rarely be coaxed into reproducing.”

“Huh,” Tori answered. “Why?”

Orochimaru’s lips quirked up into a smirk. “Perhaps that can be your next project.” 

xXx

It didn’t get to be Tori’s next project, because Oto ended up going up in flames. 

She didn’t even have time or energy to think about how everyone in this world was running around with symbiont eyeballs instead of regular eyes until months later, sitting in Sasori’s workshop and carefully stirring some foul-smelling concoction while he excavated someone’s insides so he could hide weapons inside or something. 

“You know, you guys should really invent magnetic stir-bars,” Tori said, eyeing the beaker of slowly bubbling sludge and wondering if the fumes could hurt her. 

Apparently Sasori was in a bad mood today, because he put the horrifying… scooping tool… down and turned to her fully. 

Like carving a pumpkin, Tori thought against her will, eyes fixated on the… organ scooper?

“What stupid thing are you rambling about now?” Sasori asked her, voice harsh. “You’re distracting me. If you make a single mistake with that poison--”

Tori was trying very hard to pay attention to Sasori’s threats and not think about all the horrible squelching noises of the organs she’d removed herself. It was better to listen to Sasori, really. Probably increased her chance of survival, even. 

There was movement behind Sasori. Tori squeaked in surprise. Sasori clicked his tongue in annoyance, picked up the organ scooper, and then used it to catch something right out of the air with the ease of a professional lacrosse player. 

“Oh, disgusting,” he said, staring down at it in evident annoyance. 

Something else plopped to the floor with an audible, vaguely wet thud. It rolled across the concrete floor, and Sasori trapped it against the floor with a firm sandal. Tori leaned over the bench to see what was going on, and saw the transparent ooze of viscera across the cement and gray tentacles trashing against the floor and the sides of Sasori’s sandals. 

“Is that an eyeball symbiont?” Tori asked, suddenly excited. She leapt to her feet and came to stand beside him, peering into the shell of the organ scooper. 

Sure enough, an eyeball with a halo of tentacles was rolling back and forth, desperately trying to escape. 

Holy shit, Tori thought. That was… that was amazing, actually. 

“It’s sort of cute,” she said. 

Sasori looked at her like she was insane. This was, apparently, such a bizarre statement that he didn’t immediately react to the eyeball finally lurching itself forward and out of the scoop. Tori caught it easily in one hand as it fell. 

“Don’t touch it,” Sasori hissed, grabbing her wrist. “Are you insane? It’ll induce your eyes too.”

“...what?” Tori asked, blinking back at him. “Oh, because the tentacles mean it’s trying to have sex?”

She stared down at the thing in her hand. The tentacles wriggled between her fingers. Kinky little bastards, weren’t they?

Sasori was looking at her with… awe wasn’t really the word. More like: What the fuck, I have never seen someone this carelessly insane before, and I am horrified that humanity could reach these depth. 

Which was kind of rude, actually, because they lived with Hidan. 

“What do you mean by ‘induce’?” Toi asked. 

“Do you not know how eyeballs work?” Sasori asked, sounding just shy of hysterical. 

Apparently, handling an eyeball symbiont in its sexual reproduction mode could induce a symbiont in a host to also leave the head and revert to its sexual cycle, so they could both run off and hopefully have an eyeball orgy with as many symbionts as possible. Tori guessed that made sense. The symbiont reproduced mainly asexually, but most things did occasionally run off to have sex. That was just life. 

Sasori was absolutely disgusted by the entire process. His symbionts were the only living part of him, and he was personally horrified by the idea of them crawling out of his head to make babies. 

He also seemed to be viscerally repulsed by the threat of a loose symbiont in someone’s living quarters, not because it might affect his housemates, but because he didn’t like the idea of more tentacled symbionts flopping around. 

“Is this like… an ongoing societal problem?” Tori wondered. Did people kill them on sight, or was this considered a beautiful miracle of life? 

She didn’t get to find out, because her question triggered a rant from Sasori about how much he hated them, and that they should just stay in people’s heads and look pretty like they were meant to. 

“Is it common to leave a dead host like this?” Tori asked when he calmed down. They couldn’t really move on their own unless they went into sex mode, after all… 

“Why are you still holding it?” Sasori demanded. His own disgust was the only thing keeping him from prying it out of her hand himself. 

“Oh, I don’t have a visual symbiont,” Tori said, blinking at Sasori. “I just grew my own eyes. Uh. Like an octopus.”

Sasori very slowly let go of her wrist. He stared at her, perplexed. 

The symbiont in her hand wriggled some more. Her own eyeballs stayed firmly in place. 

“...pick up the one on the floor,” Sasori said eventually. 

He wanted to keep them. He liked saving his puppet’s original eyes. Usually, when they left the host, he had to kill them and then isolate them for a week to be sure the hormones that could induce his own symbionts dissipated. That meant, once he was able to safely handle them, they were not in pristine condition. This, perhaps, contributed to why he hated them so much. They were frustrating art material. 

Tori thought, based on what she’d read about things doctors did, he was being a bit paranoid, the way some people didn’t like touching raw meat. 

“You’ll have to kill them and preserve them for me,” Sasori said, having fully accepted that Tori was a weird freak faster than she would have anticipated. 

Tori felt bad when she killed them, slipping a scalpel into their backs where Sasori indicated. 

“You’ll see more live ones,” Sasori sniffed when she complained. “This happens with about a quarter of my bodies.”

Fascinating, Tori thought. She’d never had one of her failed surgery… patients… do this. Maybe what they did in Oto also killed the symbiont? 

“And you don’t use all those bodies for full puppets, right?” Tori asked. “You won’t need every symbiont.”

“You can’t keep it as a pet,” Sasori sneered. 

Obviously she didn’t want a pet. She wanted to run some experiments. This was really interesting, after all! 

Instead of earnestly explaining this to Sasori, who seemed a bit on edge and likely to yell at her, she went for jokes at other people’s expense. He loved those. 

“I want to see if Jashin protects Hidan from them,” Tori told him, and he snorted. “Or see if we can get one to colonize Deidara’s mouth-hand.”

“He will kill you,” Sasori said, not without a hint of bemusement. “You’ll cut off all their tentacles next. I like to use curved scissors…”

#it's about magic eyeball biology #my writing #toriverse

[gryficowa]

I'm going crazy, they want to strengthen this wall on the Polish-Belarusian border, they seriously want to kill everyone trapped on the border

I'm fed up with this country, it will destroy itself with its reborn fascism, it's clear that Donald Trump has played too hard on Polish politicians and I hate it

Why has bullying Muslims become so fucking fashionable?

Poland, USA, UK and Israel, and there's probably more and it pisses me off, but I'm powerless because I have ASD and social phobia, which means I can't even rebel like others, I'm not Greta, I'm someone who is terrified of crowds and I would die on the spot if I had to go on strike with other people in the real world

But I can't pretend that nothing bad is happening here, I'm not silent about the border, Poles, Palestine and other important things, just because I can't physically fight doesn't mean I can't show my frustration in another way

Why are all my attempts to publicize what is happening at the border abroad not working? Are these Muslims less important than the Palestinians and Sudanese?

People were deceived by Lukashenko that he would help them, they were imprisoned, the border guards from both countries abuse them, they do not allow help and they destroyed their phones so that they could not communicate, it is terrible, and the worst is that many right-wingers are supports (And the pro-life wanted to shoot these people)

I remember there was a post (or rather a tweet) about a woman with a cat who was trapped at the border, people laughed like today Israelis laugh at children dying from their bombs, it's terrible that we live in these times, although other leftists talked about the returning fascism and people laughed at them and it hurts

I saw how people attacked them and when they fled from the Taliban they took their children with them because it was irresponsible (Yes, you heard right, people are terrible)

I see the same thing with Israelis (specifically with Zionist views), laughing or attacking families because their child is not at home, or is at home because the Israeli army kidnapped him, people have lost the trait of empathy and it hurts

How many times have I heard that I am under leftist propaganda, or just stupid, because they treat "Bad illegal immigrants" as people + They spread propaganda that these people force you to cry, yes, they are so disgusting

If it turns out that these bastards supporting the border guard suddenly turn out to support Palestine, I will be disgusted by the hypocrisy of these people, I'm sorry, but I hate two-faced people and I say that straight

Yes, I'm fed up with this world, I'm fed up with people in my country using gashlighing to tell me that I'm wrong, that what's happening is wrong and shouldn't be considered normal, my country has been imprisoning people since 2021 borderline and I hate it

If not about Muslims, then about LGBT+ people, because they are not people, but an ideology, so they need to be expelled, I hate it all, this country, which was a victim, has a problem like Israel, and this says something about what is happening, being a leftist in a nationalist country is a challenge because everyone looks at you like you're stupid and laughs at you, although what you say is true, it is the worst in this world, fascism is back and it will be almost impossible to eradicate it, and probably in many decades it will resurface again and find new victims

Poles are like Zionists, they don't listen to anyone because they consider themselves victims, so you have to respect them (And then they go with a billboard saying "Poland for Poles" or other racist shit), it's depressing that a country that survived the holocaust does this the same as the Third Reich, and then he has the nerve to criticize countries for the same shit as himself, it's disgusting and shows how fascism has been reborn, being a fascist has become fashionable and is considered "your own opinion" and the worst thing is that we are powerless because no one listens to us and we are ridiculed for telling the truth, seriously, in such times we live in

The very fact that we are repeating the same history, even though we were supposed not to, shows that we, humans, want extinction, which is terrifying because we should strive for change, but instead we want to go full circle and then it will probably happen again that we should not repeat it X events and repeat them as Y

We are selfish, we play with human life and then pretend that we care about it, we destroy the planet and exterminate endangered species, because after all, "Humans are better than animals", when animals rarely kill for entertainment

Poles and Israelis, you fucking deserve each other

#free palestina #free palestine #palestine #left #leftism #muslim #muslin #islamophobia #islamofascism #poland #boycott israel #israel is a terrorist state #israel #isreal #anti zionisim #genocide #gaza #free gaza #afganistan #anti facist #facism #fuck facists #racisim #holocoust #poles #2021 #2024 #asd #autism spectrum #autistic

[itsadamnbeehive]

picky eater rant lol

#dear reader: #I'm getting it fucking twisted. #I swear to FUCKING SHIT #how hard is it to listen to people when they fucking talk to you #I said VEGETABLE fried rice you mentally deficient troglodyte #I understand that every human being is the champion god-king protagonist of their own story; #and things can go unobserved when details do not stroke the ego #but you would think after literal YEARS of ordering the one of TWO dishes from this restaurant #BOTH WITH 'VEGETABLE' AS THE PREFIX TO THE DAMN MENU OPTION #SOMEONE WOULD FUCKING REMEMBER #My day overall has been quite enjoyable up until this moment #However whenever I think of a 'relaxing evening' eating anticipated chinese food #I do not envision fishing for CHICKEN CHUNKS IN MY GODDAMN RICE #IT COMPLETELY ALTERS THE FLAVOR IN A SUBTLE WAY #“Subtle? If it's subtle what does it matter” Listen here motherfucker. #Do you think I want to roll the fucking roulette wheel with every forkful of fried rice #"Will I get a delicious hunk of rice #or am I going to bite down into a boulder of FUCKING CHICKEN #This is making a mountain out of a molehill here people #But sometimes the little things hit you in a way that taps into a veritable Wellspring of stored resentment #now I have to get another bowl dirty cause I don't want to eat the chicken #And YES #Foodwaste is terrible #food-waste contributes to the planetary decay our society has inflected upon the earth #It's a shame they wasted all this chicken by putting it INTO MY FUCKING FOOD #GODDAMMIT #at least the beef stick was cooked right #Fuckinell man. #I just wanted some snap peas and celery and the occasional carrot #rant over

[astranauticus]

Link Click single "Prometheus" Fan Translation

translation under cut!

让黑夜吞噬最后一点光

Let night swallow the last bit of light

���当是一场��

Pretend this is all a dream

如果无法挣脱索性就让一切都失控吧

If I can't escape, then let everything go out of control

尝尝我的痛

If you have a taste of my pain

或许才会明白哭到失声根本没有用吧

Maybe you'll understand that there is no point to crying

倒数着三二一零

Count down, three two one zero

卖弄可笑的六欲七情

You're still playing up your laughable emotions and desires

这世界已经天翻地覆

This world has already been turned upside down

不如和我一起跳到深渊感受这失重吧 Why don't you jump into the abyss to feel this weightlessness with me

叫他们的幻想蒸发

Let their dreams evaporate

像是面无表情撕碎玩具那般从容

As simple as coldly tearing apart a stuffed toy

谁叫他们学不会听话

It's their fault they keep falling into my hands again and again

还是一次又一次地落入我的手中

Because they can't learn to stay in line

早听腻了烦人的叽叽喳喳

I've long grown tired of this annoying chattering

用绝望在墙上染个碎花

Use despair to paint a splatter on the wall

请他们永远永远闭上嘴吧

Invite them to never, never speak again

[(LTX:) piano solo]

隐秘的血色的黑夜童话

The hidden, blood-soaked midnight fairytale

刹那间将所有光芒抹杀

Smothers all light in an instant

偷走那神的火把

Steal the torch of the gods

坠落下万丈悬崖

Fall down the bottomless abyss

没有归处的人等待世界崩塌

The ones with no home await the world's collapse

（最后的 狂欢吧

(The final carnival

最后的 狂欢吧）

The final carnival)

偷走那神的火把

Steal the torch of the gods

坠落下万丈悬崖

Fall down the bottomless abyss

没有归处的人啊

The ones with no home

静静沉睡吧

Sleep peacefully now

暂时藏起了利爪和鳞片

I'll conceal my claws and scales for now

魔鬼躲进她黑白的琴键

The demon hides in her black and white keys

收起你那套因果循环

Keep your talk of causality and repetition to yourself

我会遭报应吗？反正还没应验

Will I receive retribution? We don't know that yet

都是我的消耗品

(LX:) They're all expendables to me

被我牵着鼻子走还抓不着要领

I'm dragging you along by the nose and you still can't figure it out

一个 两个 三个 四个

(LX:) one, two, three, four

心跳加速只是我的白噪音

The sound of a racing heart is just white noise to me

撬开一层层的保险

Prying away the layers of safeguards

像茶余饭后的消遣

Just to pass the time after a fine meal

对黑夜缺了点敬畏

You people who get hurt needlessly

白白受伤的人

Because you lack respect for the night

看着我千万别眨眼

When you look at me, never blink

下一秒骇人的画面

Lest you miss the scenes of carnage

命运她由我来加减

I am the one who will alter fate herself

我是那灭灯的神

I am the god that extinguishes the light

隐秘的血色的黑夜童话

The hidden, blood-soaked midnight fairytale

刹那间将所有光芒抹杀

Smothers all light in an instant

偷走那神的火把

Steal the torch of the gods

坠落下万丈悬崖

Fall down the bottomless abyss

没有归处的人等待世界崩塌

The ones with no home await the world's collapse

没有归处的人啊

The ones with no home

静静沉睡吧

Sleep peacefully now

(bonus: my translation of 321!)

#link click #shi guang dai li ren #shiguang dailiren #时光代理人 #li tianchen #li tianxi #liu xiao #translations i made #ive been listening to this song like almost nonstop since it released on spotify i might have a problem #idk how clear it is that the piano solos are supposed to be ltx's parts of the song but yeah in like the title card sequence #like they have a card for lx and ltc as vocals and then another card for ltx: piano #idk i havent rly seen people talk about it. and how fucked up and evil/pos that is #ESPECIALLY CUZ. RIGHT BEFORE THE PIANO SOLO YOU CAN HEAR TIANCHEN GOING shhhh #like hes telling people to be quiet so they'll listen to his sister ;-; #also. felt the need to include those two line indicators for lx because idk i have a hard time telling apart their voices and #those two lines being by lx has some. WORRYING implications #although me using his initials is always gonna be kinda funny to me bc im doing lighting design for a school production which means #when i see the letters lx my first thought is lighting team LMAO #Youtube #Spotify #ALSO. ANOTHER FUNNY FUN FACT. FROM THE BTS WITH FAN KA. APPARENTLY LTC'S 321 COUNTDOWN WAS WRITTEN LIKE #WITHOUT KNOWLEDGE OF THE CONTENT OF 321 LIKE THE OTHER SONG #so like that whole thing was apparently a total coincidence. which #WILD

[flowercrowngods]

i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.

you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.

and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts

#how do you miss me when you won't talk to me? how do you like me so much and then go to just. not? #how did i let you in when i try so hard not to let people do that because i know that once they get past the walls all i'll be left with #is the idea of them rotting and withering inside me. polluting the space i create to keep myself safe. #why does everyone leave? leave in silence too. leaving behind so many questions and so many words engraved in my brain #i am so tired of *grieving* when those i grieve are still alive and well and thriving and i'm reminded that it's versions of myself #that i'm grieving instead. how do you grieve yourself? how do you not fucking fall apart over it? #just. fucking talk to me. don't make it be true that all i'll ever be is nothingness and the memory of someone you liked once #but never never never liked enough #i'm so so cold already. i'm a shell. i want to be warm again but it always leaves me so hollow and hurting #i grieve the dio who was warm. i grieve them i miss them i am so so angry that he had to leave. to hide. with no way out #i'm happy for you. i'm happy you're happy. but you're no better than anyone else and it makes me want to run away again #but i have nowhere else to run and no one else to be. and it's so fucked that it doesn't matter who i am i'll never be enough #for someone to just. stay. to see me and to stay. to hear me and to sit and listen and just. just fucking stay. #maybe i'm not worth staying for. maybe there's nothing to know nothing to hear nothing to see nothing to listen to nothing to find #maybe all i'll ever get is one/two good months paid for with a lifetime of grief. and i'm at the point where i don't want the good months #anymore with you or anyone else who tears down these walls with affection that is so endlessly addictive and leaves me yearning. #on the off chance that it will keep the grief away too. but that's the thing about grief isn't it? it's here to stay. unlike you #god this is so fucked up and i'll delete this later but for now i just need to. let it out. poe said i should make a side blog for the grie #but poe's not there anymore. poe has stopped starting fires. so this goes on main until shame makes me take it down #blah #personal #not st

[sollucets]

guys i am trying Really hard not to have public opinions about of this morning... pray for me

#i work really hard not to do that. genuinely. every single time i reblog a meta or post my own opinion or write more serious tags #it is Vetted #i keep these things to my friends & my discord & such on purpose because. because. it's better for everyone #but im hanging on by a thread today i guess :') #for now.... just.... people need to remember that when youre debating fiction like this #the characters are fictional but the people listening aren't #and you can cause real fucking harm by talking about demographics the way people have been #rowan chatter #(if i see someone fucking say ray can't love again i'm going to kill. it's directly to murder i will be committing crimes) #(AND if i see another implication that he should've had to get sent to prison it'll be arson also) #fuck you all you dont get to have ray anymore. im taking him he's in my pocket now #do people even know how rehab & therapy fucking WORK #okay. okay. okay okk okokokkok mission failed a little #but we're far enough down in the tags now. reblogs are off. don't eat me

[srldesigns6277]

.

#personal #sometimes i wish i knew what it was like to be someone people want to talk to #or at least had students who could listen to what i say for just five minutes #god i hate yelling then they say thats all i do when if i talked normally no one fucking listens #then i take it way too hard when they say they dont like me when at least i stepped up to take their class #a class that had already ran off one teacher #but no im too useless because i actually make them do work and tried to have rules #last year was hard but at least i felt fulfilled by the end of the year with all my classes #i have never craved the end of the year so much or as much as i have this year #its not even both classes either its just this one that makes me dread working with them as much as they apparently hate me #sadly i can understand why their teacher left #and i know im not the best replacement since im learning how to teach them as they learn from me #but im just tired #its only a month left but i am so ready to never see any of them again #but depression does as it does and makes me question if im even good enough to get another job #one actually teaching my correct subject that i love #i hope like hell that i get a job and one i really want because i dont want to have to come back to this school #*it has the most substitute jobs #i dont like being loud even if no one believes me i dont like being mean though i know when i have too i just dont feel good enough #if i was i think i would have a job by now i mean im 28 and its been 5 schools in 5 years #sorry being sad on main #if you read this #thanks

[aro-ortega]

i think it would be funny if in the future daniel + julia try to convince sasja to give polyamory/them as a throuple a shot

#like a reversal of step talking them into a being a triad in retri #been a while since ive played and definitely since ive played a chargeflystep run so. not confident in my memory #i just thknk it would be neat ! funny ! #sasja still hates julia but. she knows now. and he knows that she knows. and thats not the reason she didnt save him #he still hates her for that hates her for leaving him. but. he also knows now that hes done much worse so. shrug #and in some runs he does accidentally drug-addledly confess to still being in love w her #and ! hes going to therapy and he does take it serious ! he can be difficult and lash out but. he does listen to what finch has to say #(and is willing to Work on things and like. have therapy Homework post retri) #and he wants. he doesnt want to be this (terror) anymore. he went to far he can see that now daniel made him see that. he wants to be. #something. better ? less murderous. less violent ig. i think he just doesnt want to hurt daniel again but. theres lots that could hurt him #anyway ! all that to also say - daniel is (supposedly) very perceptive and even tho hes not in the room when sasja confesses to julia #i dont think it would be hard for him to figure out that sasja misses julia (he still hangs out with her. even tho hes told her to fuck off #fuck off a thousand times) and ? maybe he would see or feel that theres still something there between them and #and idk. maybe daniel and ortega talk. maybe sasja and his romantic past w julia comes up. maybe ortega is like. it is what it is hes #hes clearly in love with you anyway so... but ? maybe...... #idk ! im tired ! forgot where im going w this. idk how they get there but. maybe the float the idea by sasja. see if he would be willing to #to give julia another shot #(this came about bc i was thinking about how its funny that he + milo (+ vanya) are polyamorous but while milo #milo is dating as many people as she can sasja is just dating one person rn. i just think the contrast is funny) #sasja x daniel x julia #sasja jespersen #op #fh #sasja x julia #sasja x daniel

[waywardsalt]

now bc of that one post abt zelda getting fridged whenever that one guy directs a zelda game im thinking abt tetra just getting turned to stone in ph and like. what would it have been like if she were an actual character in ph. what would she have done how would this have changed the story

#not gonna do a whole lot of tagging im just musing. if you wanna rb or reply with ideas thats great #im not the person to figure this out bc i dont actually care much abt tetra #not like oh i hate her but like. i only played ph and what i see of her beyond that has not endeared me to her #shes fine i just dont get it. ig cuz i didnt play ww but eh #cuz like. ok. pretty much the majority of phs plot relies on tetra having been turned to stone and fixing that #and me being the autistic little freak i am the psrt that also makes it hard for me to wonder what could happen if #tetra werent stone and that making the game better is like. ok what about linebeck and his arc #listen his arc is so fucking good and hes great and i dont think his arc would have been so good if link wasnt the character he was put wit #cuz link is a great foil and despite having minimal characterization has just the right personality to nudge linebeck along #cuz hes def part of what inspires some of that change in linebeck so idk what might have happened #if tetra was an active player interacting with him in ph too. cuz like idk most of the time when i see people #do stuff where they interact its usually tetra one upping linebeck or whatever and thars like. ok thats whar ciela does #maybe im reading into it too much and focusing on linebeck. idk how you couldve done and changed #the plot of ph to include tetra without just straight up rewriting the whole thing or putting link away #bc look me in the eyes. i do not think linebeck would have developed the way he did without having met link specifically #salty talks #idk i feel like linebecks arc is the best bit of story in ph so i want that to remain more or less intact bc thats where a lot of #the emotional stuff comes in at the end. his dialogue in the ghost ship battle and the final boss. its important #i dont think about tetra much cant you tell. so id leave this to someone who actually cares abt her as a character

[vulpinesaint]

throws a book at the wall i'm SO fucking tired of putting emotional effort into relationships only for it not to be reciprocated

#trying so fucking hard not to resent someone i really like rn. #they're going through a hard time and obvi i'm glad they feel comfortable coming to me for support. #but also... :( to have that be the only thing we really talk ab anymore... #miss them i guess. wanna talk like we used to. #nd to send support and an expression of how i rlly empathize bc i'm going through smth similar and get no response... #idk. sadbad. working on not letting those feelings fester #i just cannot be therapistfriend. i am Not therapist friend in most situations!!! #the problem is that i am a very good listener but not super approachable in that way to most people? #so i end up with one or two people with really big constant problems every year or so who put All of that onto me. #and i try SO fucking hard in my relationships with people i care about. #and that's SO much energy and emotional investment into their problems and it just isn't sustainable. #especially when i'm not getting it in return. #idk i probably just need to tell them what i'm feeling about. open and honest communication ftw #i'm sure they'll get it if i say 'i've had a lot of relationships in the past that devolved into me being the vessel for people's issues... #...and it's turned into me resenting them over time and i really don't want that to happen with us.' #'just need you to talk w/ me about other things sometimes' y'know? #i'm already drawing a lot of boundaries so that i don't throw myself into comforting and placating and facilitating someone's feelings #which DOES make me a good listener. but i can't be sacrificing myself for that. not rn anyway. #god but also i just want to have a fucking conversation sometimes is that too much to ask #i get that ur having a hard time emotionally but you could at least respond to the easy upbeat messages that i send you #specifically TO facilitate easy upbeat conversation that doesn't require emotional effort from you #or like. initiate conversation Ever when it's not around the negative situation u want to talk to me about. you know. #it's okay. i'll talk to them. just feeling frustrated. #i'm going to get bled fucking dry if i keep putting so much of myself into relationships without receiving anything in return #valentine notes

[united-under-skyfall]

.

#i think one thing i really didn't prepare for w overnights is just how fucking lonely it is. like yeah 80% of the reason i took it was to #get away from customers but like. it worked. and the night shift team is v v small. there's only 4 of us and we've never been scheduled all #at once yet. and usually we're running around on completely opposite ends of the building going long periods of time without #radioing each other. and then i come home all amped up and the rest of my house is still asleep. and then when they wake up #it's just to get ready and go and we don't really have time to talk. and by the time they get back i'm sleeping #and it's my first night off and i can't fuck up my whole schedule i worked so hard to switch over to w them flipping me all over the place #so now i'm just like. sitting in the half light trying not to wake anybody up not doing anything. the only places near us open are #gas stations and i can't exactly loiter there and what would i do even if i could. and it's too cold to go for a walk or to the park #or something. and i feel like i haven't talked to another human being about something that wasn't related to work in years #and it's only been a week. #and we can listen to music or podcasts or something but our carts and machines are so loud you miss half of it. and we can't hold #super long conversations when we ARE in the same room for the same reasons. plus we all want to die so none of us feel like talking. #and just. im tired and lonely and want to sleep and im already regretting this but i'd feel bad for backing out now when they have so #few options and i volunteered for it in the first place #and then there's also like. even just doing my usual solitary thing at home feels so much more isolated bc there's not the noises #of other people existing nearby. the nearest signs of life are some coughing and then a car on the other side of the block #just. what am i even doing here. #tag ramble

[lzrdprsn]

It's really weird when you know someone in a context different from how everybody else knows them so you look at them and you still kind of see that person they used to be

#this post is about the boy i dated my senior year who was so incredibly sweet tbh wouldnt be the person i am today if i hadnt met him #but he was so fucked up he had so many issues it was really hard so it didnt work out but i loved him and i think he loved me too #but hes in a moderately successful band now which i just found out about do i looked them up and theyre good #but its so weird because its like i know that when you were 17 you wanted to be an underwater welder #i helped you clean your room at your grandmas house because you were so sad you couldnt do it yourself #i ditched 5th period AP English to sit on the steps behind the auditorium and listen to you talk about whatever #you pushed me on the swings and we took the bus to the movie theater and you liked cherry wraps and you played me my favorite songs #i havent REALLY thought about that guy in years and we were only together MAYBE 6 months but its so weird what you remember about people #and especially how you remember how they made you feel because he made me feel so good like i was in control #all my previous relationships was me trying to desperately please someone who wouldnt do the same for me #and honestly a lot of my relationships since have been the same especially in college and with the one girl who honestly if she called me #today i would drop everything and go be with her again no questions because i cant get her out of my head #but stuff witj him was never ever like that it was so easy it was like breathing even though it ended messy i have 0 regrets #and its nice to know that things are going well for him because honestly he changed my life a little bit #the way i dont give a fuck now is something i learned from him #ill probably delete this later but you know