#i cant even tell if this joke is funny anymore but i spent so long on this dumb bit <3

[cutlikediamonds]

060923

i remember some of my lowest points ever writing in my journals like i was getting paid by the word. i just would talk over every little thought i had with myself, with the journal. instead of texting anyone or going out or talking to my family. i didnt want to, i wanted to rely on myself, i wanted to feel okay on my own and i did, i had a blast with myself. but even as much as i loved being alone, still love being alone, there were days when a very specific loneliness just followed me fucking everywhere, like it was smoke in the room and i didnt wanna breathe it into my lungs but there was no way to escape it, breathing more shallow to try anyway. its funny that i used to be so worried about not being able to handle being alone that i trained myself on it too well and now i dont know how to need people. 

i miss my dorm, i miss being walking distance from my two best friends and a two hour drive away from everything else i didnt wanna think about. i miss having rooms to myself to laugh at my own jokes and cry at my favorite songs and sit on my floor writing every single thought in my journal. 

it was safer there. when i couldnt avoid the people i needed. they noticed if i was ghosting, they checked on me, and we ate meals together, had gossip to catch each other up on, a breakup to coach her through, school work troubles to push through together. i miss being able to stare at my phone for ten minutes and eventually finally send a text that is way too short and too vague but it was all i could manage and theyd come over. with games and snacks and a bright attitude but also ready to listen. i miss sitting on my floor, alone. i miss sitting on my floor with music playing and my cat being a menace. i miss sitting on my floor with my friends when they came over. 

i was so lonely, its weird. now im lonely again but longing for that loneliness instead. because now were home and one of us is going away and we cant walk to each other anymore and i could probably still text them like that and theyd still come over like that but its not my floor wed sit on anymore. i dont feel real here. i dont want them to look at me here. i feel it in them too, like they dont wanna be looked at either. cuz this isnt us, this isnt who we are, this is where were stuck being until the fall when we can be together again and be ourselves again and resume our lives. but for now we have to put it all away for a second to revive our roles in our own homes, in our blood families, roles we just spent the whole year ditching, processing, unpacking, resenting. but we had to come back eventually. we cant ditch it like we want to. 

and its nice, i dont want to ditch it. sometimes my family helps me feel more real. i like realizing how similar i am to my parents sometimes, or noticing how the drama with our relatives isnt actually all that different from my friend groups drama history. its nice. i feel like an orphan like most of the time, like i was never born and i have no past or history or ancestors and everything im doing is just because i appeared one day and life doesnt really mean anything at all. it makes me go crazy sometimes, but being home helps. only sometimes though, and only in that sense. 

okay. got that all out. 

im super bloated, gained a bit but im pretty positive its just food/water/bloating weight so i kinda dont care, im gonna eat light today and if it doesnt go back down then ill worry. also i feel kinda nauseous anyway. i kinda have been noticing that a lot actually lately. i cant tell if its the constant pit of dread that i havent been able to shake or if its recent eating habits catching up to me or if its too much caffeine or whatever the fuck but its there. if i dont force myself to eat or smoke then it could make me have such a little appetite. im just gonna let it happen today, let myself feel unwell, let myself avoid avoid avoid. 

i want to be... okay. i wish i was okay. everythings so hard, i cant remember who i am when im here. i miss my dorm. sometimes i think i havent felt like myself since i left, but then maybe i havent been myself since senior year, or maybe since the summer before, or since the pandemic maybe, or since middle school, since dad died, or maybe since i was four. i cant wrap my head around how much i feel simultaneously so detached to the world but also incredibly attached to it, to worldly things. 

i wanna get up and exercise i know itd help but i cant make myself move. i wanna study and do the homework i have to do today but i cant make myself read a single word. 

i feel so sick. 

[strawberry-jammers]

child reader (Pt.4)

tommy x child!reader || whys he here??

someone comes to the tundra to fight the blade (also some cute fluff)

pt1 pt 2 pt3 pt4 pt5

masterlist

this took so long lmao, part 5 coming soon

This story will diverge from the cannon. Since i cant remember it well im just gonna do my own thing.

------

The three of them, techno tommy and little (y/n), lived together peacefully for a bit. Techno and tommy would occasionally spar and commit minor terrorism, while (y/n) got to play with tommy and uncle techno. 

(y/n) has grown a bit sense they had arrived there, being a happy kid like they should be.

On calm nights, techno would read to the little kid, stories of gods who ruled over the lands. Stories of himself in his times of adventure. They enjoyed all his stories, for they held a sort of unreachable curiosity that they loved oh so much.

“Im not reading you a story.” techno says. Sitting in his usual arm chair. He had come back from the nether not long before, just wanting to rest after a long day of fighting withers. He didnt expect the kid to want to hang out with him. “Pwease uncle tech!” they said. He shook his head. “I said no.” (y/n) huffed, getting off the arm of the chair, walking to the pile of books that stood in the coroner of the room. 

They looked through it, trying to find the one they wanted. Once they did, they let out a happy ‘aha!’ and stumbled to the grumpy piglin, book in hand. “This one this one! Pleaaaase!!” they said. Showing techno the book. He examined it, realizing that it was the story about himself that philza had given to him as a joke gift. His eyes widened. ‘Why would the brat wanna read about me?’ he pondered. He just sighed, gently grabbing the book from the small hands it was being held in. “Fine, fine, I'll read you the story.” 

(y/n) smiled, climbing up to sit on the piglins lap, wanting to try and read the book along with him. He huffed, not really agreeing to them sitting on him. None the less he opened the book, reading the unfinished tale to the child sitting before him.

“Once centuries ago, there was a young lad cursed to hear ungodly voices…”

Those were nights (y/n) enjoyed the most. They couldn't read, but having techno read to them was much better than reading a book all alone.

On most days Tommy would play with (y/n) outside. Neither of them got bored of the snow, being used to the sunny weather that was logstedshire. It was a nice change of pace that (y/n) enjoyed. 

The two of them usually had snow ball fights, or tried to build towers and mini houses out of the snow. Tommy would build them snowmen, ones that looked like the people they knew. Others were sometimes ones they hadn't seen before, that Tommy would tell stories of when they would go to bed.

“Papa look!” tommy turned to his kid, who was happily standing next to a snow version of himself. It was small and barely looked like himself, but he easily recognized it. He came up to the small child, picking them up happily. “That's me!? It's amazing little (f/i)! You did so well!!” he said, ruffling the young ones hair. They giggled at the action. 

“Wanna see mine?” (y/n) nodded. He walked over to the snowman he had built, showing them to his kid.

They looked familiar, (y/n) thought. These were the people in the storys (y/n) was told, the man with words of wisdom and guitar playing skills that calmed every citizen, who had tragically died in their last battle. The boy who was by papas side, who loved bees and everyone he knew. The young baker who had a kind heart and a smile that could put anyone at ease. Jack manifold.

Tommy spemnt a very long time creating this, purely so he could show (y/n) his old friends at least once. “Whos that one??” (y/n) asked, pointing to the the fox looking one, standing tall next to the leader, wilbur. “That's fundy. He didn't do much in the war, but he was an amazing fighter, and also a furry.`` Tommy replied, setting the child down. They ran up to the snowman. “Furry furry furry!!” they chanted, making the young boy laugh. “Yes furry!”

Most days now were spent with all three of them playing games inside till the late hours. After (y/n) had gotten sick from being outside so much, Tommy decided to just stay inside the warm cabin. They would bug techno alot, but he enjoyed the company some days. It was better than staying inside alone with an enderman who didn't really like him.

Today however, was different. For they had an unexpecting visitor who was very friendly. 

--

Techno was making breakfast, as usual. He had learned that if he didnt, neither of the innits would eat till dinner when their bodys couldn't handle it anymore. It wasn't good for a young baby like that. Not that techno cared tho.

He was putting the dirty pots and pans in the sink, knowing he'd try and force Tommy to do it later. He started to put the food onto plates when he heard shouting coming from outside. "TECHNOBLADE GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!!!" 

Techno stops for a second. No one could possibly have the balls to fight him, let alone twice. Technoblade put the stuff in his hands down, walking over to the window to try and see who was out there. As he thought, it was none other than Quackity trying to pick a fight with him once more. 

"I CAN SEE YOU PIGMAN! COME OUT HERE AND GET WHAT YOU DESERVE!!!" The duck man was actually prepared this time, with enchanted netherite armor and an axe to go with it. It seemed he upped his game sense last time. 

Techno chuckled, going upstairs to grab his things real fast. There's no way someone can try and beat technoblade like that. He came back down to see Quackity opening his door. "Heh!? Why are you inside my house!?" Quackity stood there, axe gripped tightly. Techno reached the floor, grabbing his sword. "Why can't I be in your house techno? Hiding something?" 

Ah shit he's onto us

Kill him

Haha he looks funny

Techno shook his head. "Just thought you'd play fair duck man. That's what you government people love to try and do." Quackity stepped forward. "Why would I play fair with the man whos supposed to be dead? This has been a long time coming," Quackity readied his axe, "get ready blade, cause i'm finally killing you." Techno readied his sword as well. "I'd like to see you try." 

Just as they said this, someone came up from the floorboards. "*yawn* techno are you done with breakfast yet- HOLY FUCK QUACKITY!?" a tired Tommy says, holding a nearly sleeping (y/n). The two men turn to Tommy, seeing him and his child. "Oh? So this is what you were hiding. Haven't seen you sense the exile!" Quackity says, getting closer. Tommy got up from the ladder, shrinking behind technoblade, trying to protect his kid. 

"What are you doing here big q?" Tommy says, hiding his kid. “I could ask you the same thing. What's that you've got there? Technos kid or something?” 

“Well no-” “quackity leave them alone.” techno cuts off tommy, moving more so in front of him. He cant let the baby die, he knows phil would pumble him if he does. “This is between you and me quackity. Leave them alone.” quackity shook his head, pointing his axe at tommy. “Anyone alined with you is an enemy of mine. Even if he's an old friend.” quackity lunged at techno, who blocked the attack swiftly. Quackity tried to get around the man, so he could grab the child from tommys arms. (y/n) was now awake however, and they weren't very happy.

“Papa?” they ask, realizing there was an axe lunging towards them. Quackity got around the blade, and was already trying to get to them. Tommy noticed the axe coming their way, completely ready to take the hit for his kid. 

Techno blocked the attack however. “Tommy get them to safety! I can handle this.” tommy nodded, running as quackity and techno dueld. Wuackity tried to run after tommy, but techno blocked him. “Not interesting enough for you q?” he smirks, swinging his sword at the duck man. Quackity blocks, scolding. “You're really full of yourself aren't you?”

Tommy ran outside, running to the only place he knew big q wouldn't find them, (y/n)s old hut. He ran and ran for so long, it had reached past mid day when he reached the small home he had made so many months prier. He sighed, closing the door behind him. (y/n) had long since woken up, and was very agitated. They had not eaten yet and it's been hours. “Shit shit sorry (y/n).'' Tommy says, laying the child in their old bed. He looked around the old home for anything he had left behind. He found some stuff, but he still had to go out to get food. 

When he was done, he quickly fed the crying child. “I'm sorry kiddo, I didn't think this would happen. I didn't think quackity would wanna harm you. Sh shhh im sorry.” he picks up the crying child, kinda like how they first met. A crying (y/n) and a terrified tommy. 

“Pappa- '' Tommy cuts them off, shushing them. “Just rest, Just rest…” the kid nodded, calming down slightly.

The two of them stayed like that till the sun rose the next day.

The next day Tommy got a message on his communicator by techno. Apparently quackity had won the fight, having threatened to chase after them and kill them. Techno begrudgingly went to get executed a second time. Thankfully he lived however, thanks to ranboo and tubbo stopping it. The two of them were currently at the blades house. 

Tommy didnt wanna deal with seeing tubbo, but he knew he couldn't stay out here for more than an hour. He sighed. “Hey (y/n), how would you like it if you might get to meet new friends?” (y/n) looked at him, smiling. “Yeah new friends!!” he smiled, picking up the excited child. “Let's go back to uncle technos!” “uncle techy!!!” Tommy and (y/n) laughed. Tommy got ready and left for the tundra.

Hopefully tubbo wouldn't be there when he got there.

#tommyinnit x child reader #tommyinnit x reader #mcyt x reader #tommyinnit #tommyinnit x you #tommyinnit x y/n #technoblade #technoblade x reader #dreamsmp x reader #x reader #child reader

[mythiccheroacademia]

Single-Parent!Headcanons

Characters: Kirishima Eijirou, Kaminari Denki, and Bakugo Katsuki

A/N: Inspired by y’all. Enjoy <3

Warnings: fluff overload? one tiny curse word

Kirishima Eijirou:

the day his son was born was both the worst and best day of his life

his wife died upon delivery and he almost fainted when he heard the news, bakugo caught him before he could hit the floor

it took him 24 hours before he could gather the courage to go to the nursery and see his baby. he thought he wouldn’t be able to stomach the reminder of losing the love of his life

but when he held the small boy, who instantly nuzzled into his father’s chest, sighing with relief, kirishima was hooked for life

he just continued to hold his son into his chest and cry until he couldn’t anymore

from that day on, he swore he’d be the best parent he could be for his wife and his child’s sake

bc kiri is such a youthful and loving person, taking care of his son was easy, fun, and rewarding

ofc there were hard days, but it was all worth it when his baby would wake up with an adorable laugh, smiling up at him like he was his entire world

they’re two peas in a pod

he and his son are just the cutest pair

he takes his son everywhere, strapping him on his chest with a baby carrier

you bet your ass he’s taken him on (a safe) patrol around the block

kirishima is the kind of dad that puts his kid in a laundry basket, sits them in front of the tv, and acts out rollercoaster sounds

he lives for that loud laugh of his son’s

blows raspberries into the kid’s stomach whenever he starts getting cranky

his son’s first word was “manly” and kirishima spent the entire day bothering the bakusquad about it

everyone has 12 different copies of the video—y’know...just in case

when he takes his first steps, kiri’s swinging him around the house and giving him so many kisses on his chubby cheeks

when he saw his son had one spiky tooth growing in, he almost drowned from the cuteness

the kid gets himself into a lot of trouble tho. he’s always crawling towards the edge of something and putting his hand in things that could totally cut it off. kiri has a heart attack at least once a week

calls him, “son” “bud” and “buddy”

I hc that even though he’s lively around his dad, his son is very shy with new people and in new environments so school is kind of tough for him

but kirishima is always understanding of his troubles and tries his best to let him know that as long as he’s his son, he’ll always be his biggest supporter

if that doesn’t work, they go buy their fav meats and have a random bbq (kirishima just looks like the bbq dad™️ lmao). that always seems to do the trick

when his son enrolls in U.A., he’s there with a banner, his fav meat, and a bunch of tears when he sends him off

his son wears their matching crocs only to cheer up his dad. nothing else

aka he lowkey likes them but you didn’t hear that from me!

kirishima always has the urge to ft his kid, like, every hour. but he won’t bc he knows he’s busy training to be a hero

but he does send him uplifting snapchat videos from time to time

his son still wonders how in the world his dad even knows about snapchat

he makes sure nobody knows about this

when his son calls him about his insecurities, comparing himself to his classmates, kirishima is right there to lift him up. he also dealed with those same issues and tells his son that even on his worst days, he’s strong for just facing the day and he needs to believe in himself before others can believe in him

the next day, the bakusquad is watching the tournament together

kirishima has manly tears in his eyes as his little boy places second place in the sports festival

bakugo is threatening to kill him if he ruins his shirt

Kaminari Denki:

denki becomes a dad from adopting a pair of four year old twins (one boy, one girl) that were left homeless and without parents after a villain attack

he kinda knew the parents from hero work and felt it was an obligation to at least make sure their children were okay

he wasn’t planning on necessarily adopting them. he was young and inexperienced with children. how could someone like him raise a kid when he could barely raise himself?

but after two visits to the orphanage and seeing how miserable they looked, he couldn’t leave the building without signing the papers

the transition was awkward. the twins were not only traumatized, but distrusting and scared. they didn’t really know kaminari and now he was suddenly their adoptive parent

kaminari tried everything from ice cream, to late night movie snacks, to hide n seek to get them to relax but it wouldn’t work

he almost gave up hope, and thought maybe it was a better idea to take them back to the orphanage. but that was before the night he woke up to them crawling into his bed, scared from the thunder storm that rumbled on outside

kaminari froze, scared that he’d frighten them away with any sudden movement, but he soon relaxed and hugged them close to his chest when they snuggled into his sides. he sleeps with a peaceful mind that night

although, he’s awoken to them bawling their eyes out over the nightmares they had. he panics but takes comfort in how they still grip to his shirt, face in his chest, seeking his comfort

therapy becomes a regular thing after that

kaminari finds more focus in his life

and as those helpful sessions go on, kaminari finds the twins beginning to open up more and more

they all sleep together now bc cuddle piles always scare the bad dreams away

the boy starts asking for kaminari to help him pick out his outfits

and the girl starts asking him about his quirk

it’s small things like that that lead up to things like this:

they’re in the midst of playing tickle monster when they scream with laughter, “stop! stop, daddy, you caught us!”

the twins stare at him in confusion (and slight worry) when he scoops them up and cries like he broke his leg or something

they got two huge scoops of ice cream that night so they don’t question it

dad jokes are a must

he wears typical dad outfits like hawaiian shirts, cargo shorts, and flip flops

he calls them his “little rockstars” and yes, it’s still embarrassing

kaminari is a playful dad who doesn’t really take things too seriously

his children are always laughing at his dumb jokes and are never afraid to talk to him about anything that crosses their minds

although, they won’t talk to him about love interests bc he likes to play match maker

the last time his daughter told him about some girl she was crushing on, she found out she left her a personally signed chargebolt poster for the girl in her name

kaminari called it a little boost in spirit

her brother found it funny

she was horrified

kaminari swears up and down he’s the cool dad. his kids think otherwise, but their friends LOVE how much of a jokester he is. and he lets them stay up at sleepovers

plus, he’s literally chargebolt

how could they not love him?

denki has a little trouble being serious when he needs to be, but he has good kids so it’s not that much of a problem

there was that one time his son tried to help him during a villain attack. even though kaminari ordered him to get to safety, he didn’t and ended up getting hurt

the twins had never seen their father so angry. it was kind of scary. however, in the next moment, he gathered them up in a big hug and made them swear not to scare him like that again

overall, kaminari is the sweet, fun loving, dad that everyone wishes they had

Bakugo Katsuki:

katsuki became a father the day he found a baby and a note at his doorstep

the note read: “surprise! you’re a dad. i gave you all the legal rights, but you can place her up for adoption if you want.”

least to say, bakugo was pissed

he was even more pissed at himself for getting someone so cold and unloving pregnant

however, he decides to put the baby up for adoption. he cant take care of a baby! he’s at the height of his career. he can basically taste the number one hero spot on his tongue

he’s dead set w the decision, but as he stands outside of the orphanage, he freezes. he just can’t move

bakugo looks down at his daughter as she opens her eyes for the first time. he sees an identical pair of red eyes that make his chest tight with a feeling he hasn’t experienced in a long time

he turns back around and heads back home. it’s easily the best decision he’s ever made in his life

ngl though, growing into the dad role for bakugo was tough

before the girl, he only ever had to think of himself. he was still used to doing everything on his own time and for his own benefit. so being forced to put 100% of his attention to a small helpless human being was not easy

katsuki admits that the first couple of years weren’t his proudest. he was still short tempered, angry with the world, and frustrated bc he felt like his life was ruined

one time, the frustration and sleep deprivation would hit him all at once and he’d just start going off at the baby to just “shut the hell up!” before breaking down and crying with her

it was a dark moment for him, and yet, even after that, his little girl still curled up in his arms to rest when the tears tired her out

it had been a while since he felt unconditional love like that, and so he decided to change for the baby’s sake

you cant tell me that little girl isn’t spoiled rotten

bakugo is a hardass, but he’s all bark no bite. no matter what, he just can’t resist his little girl’s puppy dog eyes

he’s a girl dad to the t

yes he played the princess that needed saving from the big bad dragon. what about it?

his daughter is a firecracker. she started sassing him as soon as she could gargle

he pretends he hates it but his daughter is lowkey funny asl

they go at it when they fight. bakugo’s learned to be a little more patient, but he still has a bit of a temper and it doesn’t mix well when his mini-me has the same explosive anger

is the kind of dad that says sorry by asking her what she wants for dinner

they totally talk mess about other heroes together. he ignores the fact that she admires deku as long as she keeps it to herself

emotional talks are...awkward, but he forces himself through it

she finds it embarrassing (yet oddly endearing) that he got kicked out of a PTA club meeting for threatening to light up some mom for saying the art program didn’t matter

his daughter absolutely won’t talk to him about potential love interests unless she wants them coming up missing

bakugo won’t admit to watching baby videos of his daughter when he sends her off to U.A. and no, he didn’t cry, he got dust in his eye

doesn’t bother her too much, but jumps for his phone when he hears her ringtone

kirishima says he getting soft, but that’s just his little princess

#I had wayyyyy to much fun doing this #all my uwus just BURST out of my heart #imma make my rounds with the other characters soon enough #just something little to warm myself up #bnha headcanons #mha headcanons #bakugo katsuki #kaminari denki #kirishima eijirou #bnha parent!hcs #bnha single dad’s club tbh #domestic bnha #they cute or whatever #also adoption literally doesnt work like how I wrote it. like #at all #but yall knew that #okay im done #come get yall’s juice

[stargazing-enby]

I had a dream that harry and draco were both aurors and they were married to ginny and astoria and then got sent to a mission and they had to do a steak out????? But ofc there was tension so they were like uuuuhhhhh we should bring our wives bc uuuuhhh we cant be away from them too long ya know and they all spend a month or two in a house and shit and ginny and astoria fall in love and bc theyre badass ladies they are upfront about it and then harry and draco are like.... Guess we should a dress

our thing too huh?? And then albus and scorpious have 2 moms and 2 dads (ginny and astoria were both pregnant btw, dont know if i already said that) and it was weirdly amazing and i didnt know who else to tell so yea

***

Anon, your mind. First of all, thanks so much for sharing your dream with me because it's honestly amazing. Second of all, I was re-reading your asks the other day wondering if I should try to write this, and soon after that I took the (ill-advised) decision to take a nap and started dreaming about your prompt. Now I feel like I share a special, oneiric connection with you! Anyway, I hope you enjoy :)

Thanks @april-thelightfury115 for betaing!

Drarry | 2.3k | Teen and Up | Falling in Love, Break Up, Getting Together, Kid Fic, Pregnancy | Read on AO3

At first, Ginny had been mad. Offended, even, that her husband had thought it a great idea to make her share a house with Astoria Malfoy for Merlin knew how long while he and Draco ran off to chase some suspect.

“The only thing that woman and I have in common is that we're pregnant,” Ginny had argued, “and that we're both married to bloody idiots!” 

Three weeks into the stakeout, however, Ginny had to admit she’d been wrong. Although wrong wasn't perhaps the most accurate of word choices, since she and Astoria were, like she’d suspected, completely different kinds of people. Where Ginny was passionate and intense, Astoria was quiet, an aura of serenity always surrounding her. Where Ginny bickered and joked and threw jibes around with her husband whenever she had the chance, Astoria was all subtle touches; a small caress to Draco's shoulder before they left home in the morning, a careful take care whispered in his ear. 

Where Ginny was fire, Astoria was water: cleansing and soothing and calm. 

But she had been utterly, dangerously wrong in that she couldn’t help but find Astoria Malfoy intoxicating. 

“Darling.” Astoria had recently taken to calling her that when they were on their own, in a tone that Ginny could not bring herself to believe to be purely neutral. “Are you sure you're not tired? I sincerely doubt they'll arrive before dawn this morning—we don't have to stay awake if you don't want to.”

“No, no—” Ginny couldn’t help but shiver as the small realisation washed over her for seemingly the hundredth time that night: the realisation that Harry, as much as she adored him, could not have had any less to do with her wanting to stay awake. “I don't want to give up the chance to beat you one more time.” 

Astoria smiled at her, cheeky.

“Very well,” she said, and, after a moment, moved one of her knights on the board. She didn't take her eyes off Ginny as the Knight destroyed one of Ginny's pawns; her eyes sparkled with naughty mirth, and Ginny's breath caught. 

A moment later, a wave of guilt drowned the butterflies in her stomach, and Ginny looked down at the chess board and told herself that she was in love with her husband. Utterly, helplessly in love. 

Except you aren't, a little voice said. You love him. You love him more than anything. You’ve loved him since forever; you'll love him for forever, because he'll always be the person who gave you your son. But you are not in love with him anymore. You haven't been for a while now. 

“Ginny.” 

She raised her head. 

“You're not thinking about the game.” 

It wasn't a question. 

Astoria knew. She wasn't stupid. She knew she wasn't meant to be calling Ginny darling, knew of the emotions—deep, fierce, raging—that ran under Ginny's skin whenever they shared a smile, a look; whenever one's fingertips found the other's knuckles and their knees brushed and bumped almost on their own accord in the middle of their nightly conversations. 

“I'm not,” Ginny said. “I'm thinking about us.” 

Astoria let out a breath, shoulders sagging. She looked down, but Ginny waited, gaze steady, for Astoria to look back up at her. 

“It's late,” Astoria said after a moment. 

“I think I'm falling in love with you.”

Astoria closed her eyes, a slow frown twisting her sharp features. 

“I know.” It was barely a murmur. 

“I know you know,” Ginny said, a challenge. 

Astoria met her gaze, then, and Ginny's resolve wavered when she realised just how terrified Astoria was.

“Hey,” Ginny murmured, standing up. Astoria, lips trembling, buckled over to make room for her in the settee. “Hey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry—” 

“It's not your fault.” Even though her head was turned away from Ginny, Astoria leaned into her touch. “None of this is your fault. Draco is—” Her voice broke, and Ginny held her hand with both of hers, aching, yearning to hold Astoria in her arms and take the pain away. But she couldn't. “Draco is a wonderful man. He's attentive, and loving, and he's funny, and…”

A tear fell into Astoria's shirt over her tummy. 

“And he's my best friend. But he and I are not in love. We never have been.”

That caught Ginny off-guard. 

“Never?” 

Astoria laughed, a broken, pathetic sound. 

“Never. Our parents planned our union soon after I left Hogwarts. I was horrified at first, but after getting to know him, there was a time when I really thought I would fall in love with him in time. That he'd fall in love with me. And we did end up loving each other, mind you: he will always be my closest friend. It's just not…”

“Yeah,” Ginny said softly. “I understand.”

Astoria turned to look at her, then. Seeing her teared up made something inside Ginny snap, and she reached out, held Astoria's cheeks in her hands, thumbing at her messy tears. 

“Harry and I were in love for a long time, but… I think he knows just as well as I do that the love we feel now is purely platonic.” She smiled—chuckled. “In fact, a small part of me suspects whatever he feels for Draco right now is more intense than what he ever felt for me.” 

That tore a laugh out of Astoria. 

“I would not be surprised if that was the case. Those two…” She shook her head. “They're incorrigible.”

Ginny groaned in agreement. A moment later, though, her smile faded away and she was left with Astoria's face cradled in her hands. Their legs pressed together, their eyes searching the other's face. Scared, but hopeful. 

Sliding her hands down Astoria's neck and shoulders, and then squeezing her arms, Ginny let out a slow, deep breath. 

“I think we need to have a conversation with our husbands.”

***

“You… What?” 

To Harry's credit, he looked more baffled than anything else. 

“We're in love,” Astoria repeated, voice steady, but gaze pleading with Draco to understand. 

“I… Okay. Okay. Give me one second.” Harry turned around and sat down on the nearest chair. 

Draco remained still. As far as Ginny was aware, he’d barely even blinked since they'd started explaining the situation to them.

“Are you going to say anything?” Harry asked after a moment, turning to Draco. When Draco shook his head, gaze still fixed in some distant point in space, Harry stood again, leaning his weight against the table. “Okay, so first of all, this is all extremely awkward.” 

“We were aware of that much, thank you,” Astoria said. 

“I mean, both of you are pregnant. With our babies.” He gestured between him and Draco. “Not to mention that we're married, although that's slightly less permanent…�� 

Draco huffed, and the three of them turned to him. When he didn't say anything, Harry continued. 

“But I guess it… makes sense? I mean—you two are sort of like… the perfect opposites, you know. I always knew you would get on well. I didn't suspect you'd get on this well, but, hey—” 

“Have you—” Draco's head seemed to be stuck mid-shake, eyes scrunched closed. “Have you done anything? With one another?” 

“No, darling.” The word sounded different, Ginny thought, when Astoria used it for Draco. “We were waiting to tell you.” 

He nodded, but didn't say anything else. When Astoria approached him, Ginny took a step back to give them some space and leaned into the table with Harry. 

“I love you,” she told him. 

“And I you,” Harry said, eyes low. Gulping, he took Ginny's hand in his. “But… I mean, I think both of us had noticed that something was… that something wasn't…” 

“I know.” She squeezed his hand. “I know.” 

He looked up at her, and Merlin, he looked so, so vulnerable in that moment that Ginny wished more than ever that she could love him the way he deserved to be loved. But that simply wasn’t for her to do.

“I still would like for us to raise our son together,” he murmured. 

“We will. Harry, I don't care what happens from now on. You're still my best friend, and you're still the father of my kid. Nothing is going to change that. Okay?” 

Harry nodded, and, biting his lip, turned his gaze to Draco and Astoria. After a moment, Ginny did too. 

Draco was crying. 

“Come on, let's give them some space,” she said, pushing herself off the table. Harry followed her out of the room. 

***

“Draco…”

No reply came. Harry looked at him, but Draco's gaze was fixed somewhere outside the car window. 

They'd spent countless hours inside that car, in that very watch post. Hours chatting, and bickering, and taking turns to sleep while the other watched the house for any signs of activity. 

It had never been awkward before now. 

“Look, we need to talk,” Harry said. Draco huffed, unamused. “We need to talk because we both know our wives are not the only ones who’d noticed something wasn’t right before yesterday’s conversation. They were just the only ones brave enough to be upfront about it.” 

In the moment it took Draco to turn around, Harry thought of Draco's head on his shoulder; of the way it had felt when Draco had fallen asleep there, of the way he'd been so careful not to let it fall so Draco wouldn't wake up. He thought of the way their arms brushed whenever they walked, wands in hand, toward a dangerous location. Thought of the very reason they'd been so adamant that their wives should come with them on this mission: a truth they'd refused to confront, and that had gone and slapped them in the face anyway. 

“Do you understand how terrifying this is for me?” Draco finally said, body turned to Harry, but gaze fixed on his knees. “To know that my life as I know it, as I always expected it to be, is over? Do you think”—he looked up at Harry, and Merlin, he looked so scared Harry had to hold back from reaching out to him—“that I haven't noticed that I'm in love with Harry Potter, and not with the woman I'm about to have a baby with?” 

Harry held his breath. Searched in Malfoy's eyes, desperately, for any hint that he was about to take back his words. Then, almost out of breath:

“I'm in love with you too.”

Draco let out a desperate laugh. 

“I know that, you bloody idiot,” he choked out. “Fuck, I know.”

Harry bit his lip. Reached out, rested a hand over Draco's trembling, fisted own. 

For a few moments, neither spoke. 

“I'm sorry,” Harry murmured eventually. “I'm sorry things can't be different.” 

Draco started playing with Harry's fingers, and Harry closed his eyes—marvelled in how warm Draco's hands felt. How careful they were even as he fidgeted. 

“I'm glad they told us,” Draco said. “I want Astoria to be happy, and I know she'd never be completely happy with me.” A sigh. “I wouldn't, either. Not with her. I just… I need some time to come to terms with it.” 

Harry's fingers turned and turned between Draco's nervous own. 

“That's okay. I don't mind waiting for you.”

Their eyes met. 

“Okay,” Draco said. 

Harry squeezed his hand. Smiled. 

“Okay.”

***

The whoosh of the hearth letting someone through was quickly followed by two high-pitched squeals. By two very excited cries of, “Daddy!” 

Harry smiled to himself when he heard Draco's laughter coming from the living room as he—presumably—was tackled to the floor by Albus and Scorpius. 

“Boooys,” Harry called after a moment. “Come grab some cookies from the kitchen!” 

A few seconds later, the two five-year-old tornadoes were rushing toward the tray, barely sparing Harry a glance. Harry shook his head, grinning. 

“Where's my hug?” 

“Daddy!” Albus, face already full of crumbs, ran toward Harry's arms. “Your cookies are the best!” 

“Mmh!” Scorpius agreed. 

“I'm glad you like them.” Harry ruffled Al's hair. “Do save some for later, though!” 

Draco walked in, grabbed a cookie. “How are your mums?” he asked while he gave Harry a sonorous kiss on the cheek, the crumbs on Draco’s mouth scratching against his stubble. 

Harry was about to complain when Albus stretched his arms out, asking to be picked up. 

“They have a date today,” he—quite loudly—whispered in Harry's ear. 

“Do they, now!” 

“A date in a restawant with candles and a lot of different forks,” Albus explained. “And—and they were wearing really pretty dresses!” 

“Really? What colour?” Draco asked, picking Scorpius up too. 

“Mum's was red,” Scorpius said. “And mummy's was, uh, it was really pretty, and—” 

“And sparkly!” Albus squealed. “Black and sparkly!” 

“Wow! I don’t think Draco and I own anything so pretty!” Harry turned to Draco. “What do you think?” 

“Hmmm…” Draco dragged the sound out, sharing a mischievous look with Scorpius. “I’m not sure… I think we might have some sparkly garments hidden in the back of our wardrobe, but I’m sure Al and Scorp won’t be interested in—”

“We want to see!” Scorpius screamed, wiggling in his father’s arms. 

“We want to see, we want to see!” Albus chanted.

Harry and Draco shared a smile. 

“Very well, then,” Draco said solemnly, setting Scorpius down. “Let’s see which of you can find the prettiest clothes in our bedroom for us to wear today.” 

The kids darted upstairs, and, before following them, Harry took Draco’s hand in his and kissed his husband’s cheek in return.

#OTPshipper98 #Drarry #Drarry fic #Drarry squad #Harry Potter #Draco x Harry #Astoria x Ginny #how would you call this ship? #Astinny #that doesn't sound right XD #Pregnancy tw #chess players plase don't murder me if I got chess wrong #I have literally never played it aslkjglks

[the-acid-pear]

I did my homework and i did my chores, time to tackle on the third book of this series, Son of Ogre

Chapter 1

Okay but the fuck is Baki planning to do if he stops fighting? That's literally all he has, he's not smart

WOOH THATS A BIT REALISTIC

PREHISTORIC ELEPHANT?!

King just went to have a snack. Also FUCK does that meat look tasty FUCKKK

This baby so cute 🥺

I'm so glad Yuji is doing stupid hilarious shit again it had been a while

Congrats on Baki for that mantis

Chapter 2

Who tf is this kid?

Poor kid lmao, i assume he will meet Baki

Look at my boyyy

HSTSRFAYDF DON'T CALL HIM A MANLET

Imagine Baki actually kills this kid HSJDYSSHCBT

Third comment with a ton of likes is "we do not condone child violence. We do, however, find it hilarious"

Chapter 3

AH SHUT UPPP KIDDO

But i like Baki memeing a round a lil

Chapter 4

🥺🥺 that's so sweet...

HELLOOOO STRYDUM MY GOD YOUR TITS GOT FATTER SIR 😳😳

Yujiro is such a fucking threat to society lmao

I love seeing Baki with his eyes open, he's looking more like his old self

Oh, shadow boxing incoming, alright

Chapter 5

Yuri? 🥺 /j

THE RETURN OF IRON MICHAEL?!

Chapter 6

I love how there's our silly little mains after every cover LUV em <33

Baki just dissociating his ass out and using it on his favor, the king

Why is Baki eating sour prunes aren't those meant to be sweet?

We all salivating

Chapter 7

Love to see there are even more swears there now

I can put my face next to my foot too tho

FAGDRJSEHARD YUJIRO CAN BEAT THE CANCER HOW ICONIC 😍

Also i would LOVE to see Yuji fight an Orca

WHAT?!

I love how everyone in the comments is calling out Rumina for not seeing issue going down to a dark hidden basement with a shirtless man older than him

Chapter 8

"piggy back me" USHSYFLFUDSY

This fight is going to be good

Chapter 9

Imagine Baki dies right here right know against an imaginary mantis lmao

Okay Baki getting damaged makes sense but the WALL?

Baki's dead (GOD IT HAS BEEN SO LONG SINCE I HAVE SAID THAT)

Ffs it's true Baki COULD create himself a stand 😰

Chapter 10

OH FUCK IT'S TRUE

Chapter 11

This fight is so boring i had to take a 6 hour break

Baki just can't win against nature eh

This reminds me of Garland pulling a suplex on that Anaconda

Chapter 12

I can't wait for the main cast to ACTUALLY appear, instead of just, you know, them in the covers

This fight is slow but cool but slow

To fight a mantis you must think like a mantis 😎

Though it's true in this manga you will most likely win if you steal your opponent techniques so

Chapter 13

I MISS IGARI FUCKKK

This is so dumb i luv it

That mantis be swearing lmao

Love it when Baki goes full Yujiro

Chapter 14

TOBA...

Holy fuck do mantis fly?

Secret Chapter?

Is this how Yujiro got born?

Idk girl i would have killed him if i was you

WHAT.

I KNOW THOSE FROGS THEY ARE FROM PUERTO RICO I THINK

I might just be sleepy but this is so confusing

AKSHSKGSKSGSJSG JUST KILL THE BABY IT AINT THAT HARD

Chapter 15

GAIA...

Why is he like this?

Is "he" with us right now?

...gotta admit that IS true...

I love Strydum sksgwhwg

Yujiro really went XD

I don't think my man Arun in the comments is aware how gay what he said is, though maybe I'm wrong

Chapter 16

GOD THESE FUCKING COVERS MAKING ME SO NOSTALGIC, LOOK AT SPEC!

ANIME KENNEDY?!

I can't believe Bush is dead

AN ASIAN BOY HAS JUST KIDNAPPED THE PRESIDENT...

8 of January? My god he's a Capricorn

I'm sorry, what?

LAHQIGWKQFWKSFWIWG 😭😭

I love Baki so much, THIS IS THE KID THAT I MISSED SO MUCH

This explains why Baki was in prison clothes in the anime teaser

Chapter 17

BIG NUMBER

That one mf like 😐

Glad Baki is 18 now at least 😌

Love to see Oliva back

Chapter 18

This page not even bothering to charge the pages anymore

I'm sure there were better ways to go to jail, well, actually, no, but still

Toba used to just chew that off

Baki did that mantis hit you in the head too hard?

I. I watched way too many prison movies and shows. I don't like seeing someone as young and pretty as Baki in such a place. I rlly don't.

Chapter 19

Yanagi baby i miss you...

IRON MICHAEL?!

Mfkhsjsys 😳🥴

Eh got my hopes too high

CHE BAKI PIBE... LA PUTA MADRE NI ACA ME ESCAPO DE MIS COMPATRIOTAS

I hope he swears too i want to see a boludo o pelotudo PLEASE

I mean para pelotudos lo veo a Yujiro todo el tiempo pero igual JSGWKEGWG me pone bien argento ver al Che carajo

Chapter 20

HE SAID BOLUDO SUAHWKWGAKSGSKSGSKGD

I can't take this omfg new fav I'm sorry Doppo but he just said boludo 😭

Pendejo is more used as pibe here but i will let it pass bc idk the lingo in Cuba and he spent some time there so

Why don't i speak like this too ffs? All i do is say eh and call it a day

He's cocky enough to call anybody any age pibe so I'll let that pass too

Por favor no lo hagas che sksgwj

Chapter 21

Che, pibe, it's a good day to die...

Chapter 22

GSHAGSTSG he should have said "no boludo"

I'm falling in love with this boludo myself

That's talented and brutal

OH RIGHT YOU LOSE YOUR BALANCE WHEN YOU DONT HAVE THAT

Chapter 23

Hm that's, cringe

YESSS HE SAID PELOTUDO

OAHWLGWKQFSKSGSJS SIII ROMPELO TODO CHE, ROMPELO TODO POR DECIRTE YANKEE KSGSSJGS

Honestly i too get pissed off when called American or European, though i won't throw shit to Baki, he's some random 18 yo japanese boy, no way he would recognize latinoamerican lingo lmao

King shit Baki boy

Chapter 24

Oh that's why he's called Jun Guevara, that's fair

I like how they are mixing a bit of truth and a bit of lie it's fun at least

Chapter 25

I like how they are drawing nipples now, occasionally

I can't wait for Viêt to complain about propaganda in the comments

OH SHIT

😳 :Y

He's sooo nice 😍

Chapter 26

Only three? You mean the third is... 👁️👁️

HAHA YEAH YUJI-CHAN <3

I can't believe he works for the USA I'm crying and shaking rn

What a progressive manga, the three strongest and most dangerous men and none of them are white 😍

GET HIS ASS BAKI

Chapter 27

Why is this guy sweating sm?

LDYDYSUGFUDT BAKI PLS

I like how the only time Baki was willing to kill a person was when he thought Sikorsky had hurt his girl

Chapter 28

I feel like Ian will die

Man i love how Baki is drawn in this book

Ffs i called it, i have watched way too many prison things to know how shit goes down

I have seen these three before in fanart but I'm curious to see what they can do

Chapter 29

Their faces remind me of Doyle

OH I CANT WAIT TO SEE EM IN THE ANIME

ASSHOLE DON'T CALL ME STUPID 😢💔

I'm gonna struggle to tell em apart but i think I'll manage

Okay I'm not the only one who thinks they look like Doyle, fair

Chapter 30

The mouth vs Yujiro when?

Someone mentioned the have the same vibe as the dudes that worked with Gaia and like 👁️👁️

Chapter 31

Lmao someone in the comments recommended the same thing

These three must be great at sex (sorry)

KSHALDHDKD NEW FAV COMMENT: "go to Japan and look for the word "defeat". That way you won't feel cocky anymore"

Chapter 32

Hehe hello Junnn~

KSHAKDHKWGS

La luna

Chapter 33

LOS TRES...

Okay that's funny, hocico instead of mouth (hocico is used for animal mouths)

I'm so glad i know Spanish

The two things that drive me insane and make me ramble are Doppo's beauty and this stupid argentinian

OSHSKWGSKSG

Chapter 34

Imagine he's doing that illusion thing Dorian did

With his own blood, that's so cool...

Hoho...!

I did that once when i had a terrible nose bleed, didn't go well

Chapter 35

This book is fucking boring NGL

"now that you got no more urine left in you"

AH.

GAHDYR LMAO

Chapter 36

HO THAT TITLE, PLEEEASE I NEED SOMETHING, ANYTHING, TO HAPPEN

HHH he kinda cute...

Oww :(

JDJSJFRGAJ

God piantao is an old word i had never heard it before

AND he took a piss.

LOCO NO SEAS HOMOFÓBICO NINGUNA MINA ACA ES MEJOR QUE ESTE PIBITO TE LO ASEGURO SKSGSKGSJAAGS

Se me cayó un ídolo y yo que le quería dar 😔

ÑSHWQLSGOSGDKW

Let's see if he lied to Baki about just liking eh /j

Chapter 37

I luv Oliva lol

AJSGSKSLAGHS BAKI SNAPPED

I too wonder where the fuck Kozue is

Chapter 38

LSHSLDGSLSGSIEG

He is jealous of what you two have, it's normal, el Che just rejected his love after all ;/

Oliva is a king

OH A HANKERCHIEF I THOUGHT THAT WAS UNDERWEAR SHSGS-

Oh shit Oliva is like 45?! He looked so young

Te fuiste a la mierda, Che, el chabón estaba siendo re bueno con vos

Baki is just dead

Chapter 39

I love how realistic Che's fear is, he's rather smart, though not this time

POOR GUY AJSGSWJW

I didn't realize Che said "what more, it may be a woman!" but to be fair they ARE in jail so

Chapter 40

I'm feeling kinda bad for him ngl

I feel happy for him tho 🥺

Bruh they added one page after the ending of some naked anime girl tf 😐

Chapter 41

These prisoners having fun is kinda sweet

YO INSANE

Bitches be complaining about Maria's looks are just jealous 🥰

Chapter 42

Damn she lorge

He loves fighting naked eh

Only valid person is the one saying Oliva deserves better treatment which tbh true

Chapter 43

Fun fact i wear my jacket like El Che too, unless it's too cold

El che with the hair lose is so cute bro,,,

Something something fingering joke

Sikorski could fold a coin too

I bet the bandana will break

Chapter 44

I would have just fallen on top of him, how is he gonna counter that, eh?

Oh that super fun to know!

Oh the good ol dirty technique, i have seen this one before!

Chapter 45

NOOO MARIA DON'T DO THIS TO HIM

This fight is super cool tho i love these two characters

Chapter 46

They just keep changing the rules i think Itagaki is just flexing at this point

LAAOSFKAGSKAGSKAF???

Baki wants his protagonism back

I'm getting pissed off they keep putting semi naked underaged girls at the end of every chapter 😐

Chapter 47

Bruh just realized, the mouth got so hyped as this new cool villain and they died in their first appearance 😭

His damn bandana...

#luly talks #i hit character limit already waaa :( #but I'm too into this to stop reading lol #btg #this saga is a bit boring but el che is funny :) #baki liveblog

[probably-writing-x]

It had to be you.

Guzmán x Reader

Request by anon: I love your writings, I was wondering if I could request a guzman x reader where lu constantly ambushes the reader cause she knows guzman is in love with the reader and then guzman and lu end up breaking up cause he finally chooses the reader. Something within those lines, hope it’s not so much of a hassle! Keep writing ❤️❤️

Gif is not my own

Requests are open 🤍

“Guzmán, can you focus please?” Lu snaps her hand in front of him, “Or at least listen to me for a minute?”

“I’m sorry, but I have bigger things to worry about than your petty drama with your family,” Guzmán sighs, shaking a hand over his hair. 

“Are you kidding me?” Lu scoffs, “So you ignore me all weekend and then you act like I’m a pain for talking to you about my life?” She reaches up and fixes the lapels of his jacket. 

“I’ll talk to you later, Lu,” He pushes his hands away from her, grabbing his bag from where it was at his feet and hurrying to catch up with the person he’d been waiting for. 

You’re walking down the corridor at a pace quick enough to just about make it to class in time. 

“Hey, (Y/n), you doing okay?” He asks, tapping you on the shoulder. 

“Oh, hey Guzmán,” You smile, “I’m okay, are you?”

“Good. Do you have my notes from Chemistry? I need them for first period,” He comments, slinging his bag over one shoulder.

“Yeah, shit, um, thank you for those. I really appreciate it,” You nod, grabbing them from your things and handing them back to him, “you’re a lifesaver.”

“Are you kidding?” He laughs, “It’s the least I could do.”

He steps aside to let you into the class first and follows close behind you. You two hadn’t ever spent much time together before recent times but you’d found something in him that you hadn’t expected. You’d always been at Las Encinas but tried your best to keep yourself out of the typical group in your year. That was until everything happened with Marina, and Guzmán went through the type of loss he could never prepare himself for. You, in fact, had some experience in the area - after losing your brother only two years before. When Guzmán had confided in you, you’d found it impossible to say no to him, he was like a completely different person. 

“Hey, I was actually going to ask you,” He stops you yet again, scratching the back of his neck, “Are you free again tonight?”

“Yeah, sure, usual spot?” You smile, “I’ll see you later.”

“(Y/n)! Looks like you can get more conversation out of him than his own girlfriend can,” Lu speaks up, walking into the class with a smirk plastered across her face. 

“We’re just talking Lu,” You sigh, setting down your books and sitting in your designated chair.

“And what could be so important that it’s got him so occupied at the minute?” Lu scoffs, “Because honey, I don’t think you’ve had much interest in your life for the past seventeen years.”

“Lu, stay out of it. This has nothing to do with you,” Guzmán snaps, glaring at her before offering you an apologetic smile. 

“Nothing to do with me?” Lu laughs, “Fucking hell Guzmán, you’re spending more time with the fucking introvert than you are with your own girlfriend!”

“Lu, not now. I’m sorry (Y/n).”

You shake your head as means of dismissing his concern as he follows her back to their seats, ignoring her advances as she settles a hand on his thigh. 

You’d never intended on getting close to Guzmán and getting in the way of his and Lu’s relationship - you’d never tried to flirt with him or cause any problems. But apparently that just came with association.

- - - - - -

As you’re leaving school that day, you’re stopped before you can reach the car, as Lu grabs your arm and turns you to face her.

“Okay, darling,” She beams, glancing over her shoulders before turning to you with a deathly glare, “What’s going on with you and Guzmán?”

“Nothing Lu, it’s nothing,” You sigh, trying to push her off.

“Nothing? Then what’s with all the secrecy? Why do I see you together all the time? You were never interested in stealing my boyfriend before.”

You push her hand off, “And I’m still not interested in stealing anything or anyone. Maybe you need to think about being there for your boyfriend and supporting him instead of concerning yourself in matters that don’t mean anything.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“And I think that’s the problem, darling,” You roll your eyes, walking the rest of the way to the car and leaving her stood with a vacant stare in your direction.

It was true. She was so caught up in you that she’d completely forgotten about Guzmán in this whole situation.

- - - - - -

“Alright, I got your favourite this time,” Guzmán grins as he climbs the ladder up to the top of the bell tower and sets down some cans of drink, “And... I got snacks too.”

“Wow, you treat me so well,” You joke, “Try not to eat all the pretzels this time though.”

He shuffles on the wooden floor to sit beside you and lean back against the bench behind your backs, “Hey, listen, I’m sorry about Lu.”

“Oh, no, that’s okay,” You shake your head, “It’s not your fault. And I can see why she’d be jealous, I guess.”

He scoffs, “I don’t think she can stand the idea of me spending any time with anybody but her. I don’t even remember the last time we had a real conversation, that wasn’t about her or school or some petty drama she wants to involve herself in.”

“But she cares about you, that’s at least something,” You point out, “And she’s attractive.”

Guzmán laughs, “I used to think that was enough, maybe it’s only recently that I’ve realised it isn’t.”

You sit in silence with him for a moment as you ponder the thought. You didn’t like the idea of him wanting to change his whole life based on the few months you’d spent knowing him. But damn did you love the idea of being the one who he loved.

“I really appreciate you being here for me recently, I guess I sort of threw all of this onto you,” Guzmán smiles sincerely.

“Oh don’t be ridiculous, you’ve helped me just as much as I’ve helped you. Losing a sibling isn’t easy, and it’s even harder to go through that alone - whatever I can do to help you, you know that,” You assure him, “Besides, you always bring decent food.”

He chuckles, “A lot has changed in a few months, huh?”

“It doesn’t have to change much Guzmán. I know you’ve changed ever since you lost Marina, but Lu is there for you. She might not seem like it sometimes but it’s clear, even in her ambushing me, she does seriously care about you. She loves you, and she’s always there,” You point out, “There’s no reason why that should change.”

“No reason, yeah?” He smirks a little, “If you say so (Y/l/n).”

- - - - - -

The following day, you’re once again minding your own business at school. You’d spent the morning with Nadia revising for an exam and were now sat by one of the window seats reading up on some literature for class.

“Spending the evening with my boyfriend and you seriously want to tell me that nothing’s going on?” Lu’s voice sounds loud and clear from across the corridor, “You bitch!”

You glance up and set the book aside, sighing as you turn to focus on her.

“Who do you think you are? Walking around like you’re so innocent, so nice - when really all you want to do is to take what’s mine.”

“That’s not what’s happening Lu, even though I know it looks that way. I get it. But that’s not the case,” You shake your head, “Guzmán... he just needs help, support.”

“And you don’t think I can give that to him?”

“No, not at all. I think you’re more than capable. But sometimes you need to speak to someone who gets it, who’s been through it. And that’s what it’s like for us - you dont know what it feels like to lose someone like that Lu.”

She looks down at her feet, “I think in the process of you being his knight in shining armour, he’s started realising he doesn’t love me anymore. Maybe he never did.”

“I don’t know if that’s the case, or if it ever will be. But you’re playing a game that I don’t want to play. I never wanted to get between you and Guzmán, I never meant for any of this. I’m sorry Lu, but I was just being a good friend to him - anything that changed with you two wasn’t my doing.”

You collect your things and step past her, heading down the corridor quickly to avoid the stares in your direction. You’re only stopped as Guzman’s hand holds your arm.

“Hey, what’s going on? Everything okay?” He frowns, glancing momentarily at the people around, “Why’s everybody staring at you?”

“I’m sorry Guzmán, I cant do this anymore. I’m not getting involved in your whole whatever-this-is between you and Lu. Helping you out wasn’t supposed to destroy your relationship in the process, and it certainly wasn’t meant to make me your girlfriend’s worst enemy,” You shake your head, “I’m sorry but I can’t do it.”

You pull away from him and leave him dumbfounded in the middle of the corridor, swallowing the lump in his throat as he watches you walk away. God, that was never his intention. He’d just found someone in you that listened, that understood, that engaged with him when he spoke about Marina. Amongst that, he’d found someone that he’d always been missing when he saw you. He found someone funny, honest, caring, intelligent, and so certain of her future that she near enough convinced him that he could be successful too. He didn’t want to hurt Lu. But the pull he felt towards you was too powerful to ignore.

“Lu,” He quickly blurts out as he sees her storming past, “I think we need to talk.”

- - - - - -

“Well, I think this is the most we’ve spoken in a long time,” Lu scoffs as she sits down beside him on the bench, “Do you want to explain yourself Guzmán?”

“You need to stop being so harsh on (Y/n), none of this is her fault.”

“None of this? None of her spending every day with my boyfriend behind my back and knowing more about him than I do at the minute?” She scoffs, “Don’t act like she’s so innocent.”

“It’s not like that Lu,” Guzmán tuts, “She’s... she’s been there for me.”

“And I’m not?”

“No, no, you are. But (Y/n)... she understands. She can sympathise and relate to how I’ve been feeling. She’s helped me deal with losing Marina in a much better way than I would’ve done.”

“I don’t get it Guzmán. You barely spoke to the girl before this.”

“Exactly! I mean she’s been at school with us for years but it felt like I barely knew her. There’s so much more to her than I’d ever expected,” Guzmán smiles fondly, “She’s complex and sh-“

“I get the idea,” Lu rolls her eyes, “Why couldn’t you just tell me?”

Guzmán pauses. Why didn’t he just tell her? Tell her that he was seeking help, that he was doing it for the right reasons. He could’ve explained himself and explained that they were just friends. Instead, he sat here now with every intention of ending things with Lu.

“You like her, don’t you?” Lu states, “I know that look, it’s the same one you used to give me.”

“I never meant for any of this Lu,” Guzmán shakes his head, “But I’m different when I’m around (Y/n)... I can’t explain it but I like who I am when I’m with her.”

“You don’t have to explain yourself, it’s the same way I feel about you. And deep down I know you’ve never felt that way with me.”

“Lu...”

“Go, go and find her. We both know you want to.”

- - - - - -

You weren’t exactly sure why you’d come back to the bell tower, maybe because you partially hoped that Guzmán would still find you here. It was a weird mix of hoping to never get involved in his life again and also wanting nothing more than for what Lu said to be true.

Just then, you hear the sound of the hatch opening as Guzmán ascends the ladder and pushes himself up.

“Hey,” He says in relief as he sees you, “I hoped you’d be here.”

“Did you bring food?”

He laughs and shakes his head, “I have to talk to you (Y/n).”

You shuffle to make room for him beside you as he sits down, both of you silent as you look out at the sun in preparation to set.

“I spoke to Lu,” He states after some time, “I think we both needed to clear up a few things.”

“Yeah? Are you two back to being okay now?”

“Not exactly,” He laughs, “Or maybe just a different definition of okay.”

You look at him and frown, trying to keep composure as your heart ran at double speed.

“I never meant for any of this, and I certainly never meant to hurt Lu in the process. When I first spoke to you about Marina, it was because you’d been the first person to come up to me at school and tell me you were there if I needed to talk - and I believed you. When we first met here, it was because I wanted to know how you’d managed to cope with that feeling that was still so new to me. I was terrified of never being able to really deal with losing her, and you made it seem so clear.”

You swallow thickly.

“Somewhere, along the way, I found someone in you that went deeper than just how supportive you’d been. You were so much more than I’d ever seen,” He smiles and lets out a little chuckle, “You’ve made me some sort of romantic, clearly.”

“Guzmán...” You sigh, “I can’t get in the way of you and Lu. You know what she’s like.”

“Right, I do. And I know when I spoke to her today, it was like we’d both come to the same realisation. I needed to find you to realise the way that I’d never feel about her,” He shakes his head, “You make everything seem clearer (Y/n).”

You smile a little as he reaches over for your hand.

“There was never a choice to make (Y/n).”

#guzman #guzman imagine #guzman one shot #guzman drabble #guzman blurb #guzman request #guzman fanfiction #guzman writing #guzman x reader #guzman x you #guzman x y/n #guzman elite #elite #elite netflix #elite imagine #elite one shot #elite drabble #elite blurb #elite writing #elite request #elite fanfiction

[we-always-hit-our-ass]

I don't mean to bother you, but could you do hate to love headcanons for Bill Guarnere please?

oh you’re not bothering me at all! this is a NICE request- im into this idea and i loved writing hcs about this! thank you for requesting this lovely idea, it’s amazing!

Taglist: @floydtab, @deldontplay, @thatsonefishyboi, @noneofurbusinez, @meteora-fc, @hufflepuffpancakes​, @hihosilvers​, @rayleighshughes

Hate to Love HCs with Bill Guarnere

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you were generally well-liked and respected in camp toccoa and always hung out with george luz and perconte

these two were your best friends-

so you thought you would be fine with bill guarnere-

you didn’t really dislike bill guarnere at first because you two never really talked and you always conveniently left when he came in

you two avoided each other, and you were fine with anything as long as he doesnt bother you

but oh boy- shit started to change as the days went on

oh so you thought that you and bill could get along at first? i’m sorry to say that you were wrong-

somehow, bill is just now actively pursuing you just so he can insult you or poke fun at anything you do-

of course you tolerated at first cause like, you thought it was just a one time thing and iTS BILL GUARNERE-

his insults and snarky personality is one of the biggest things that he’s know for-

sooo you let it slide and never paid much mind to it

then bill turns around and decides to prove you wrong

but fortunately he never went that far, he’d only say his run-of-the-mill insults-

it wasn’t that that annoyed you though

it was how much he did it that annoyed you-

everywhere you went or whoever you hang out with, bill would never fail to poke fun at you

whether it was his vulgar insults, his pushiness, his bold personality, or his shit-eating grin??- you didn't know

you knew that was just his brand, but holy shit- you couldn’t take anymore of it

bill would constantly pester you until you snap and just straight-up leave

but even when you would leave to not interact with him this man will still be there- 

and i dont think thats a coincidence

but bill would only purposely annoy you because this poor boy doesn’t know how to express his affection but you sure as hell didnt know that-

so when he sees you get mad after his teasing, he’s just a little bit confused-

but like even though you thought it was funny at first, he just kept doing it

this pissed you off and you always try your best to keep calm and ignore him

like you aint giving him a reaction, youre too stubborn-

but then he’d always flash a cocky smirk once he sees you leaving after he annoyed you just a little too much that day

and when he does that you cant help but like a teensy bit annoyed, 

cause like who wouldn’t??

you swore that you could punch him and i swear you almost did

thank god the easy boys were kind enough to literally keep you from knocking out guarnere

seriously, this man does not know when to stop and you just couldn’t stand him

like god forbid you two being next to each other for 1 second

but then shit turned around once more- but for the better this time

while easy two was out in the field, bill literally pushed you out of the way and shielded you from a nearby grenade you didn’t see

you were very thankful but first of all you were SURPRISED that this man actually saved your life

the man that you hated- saving you?-

lEMME tell you- as cheesy as it is, words really couldn’t describe how you felt

confusion? relief? shock? 

fuck it man, it was all three of them-

as you’re just staring in shock at him, he’ll just act all nonchalant about it 

you just kind of watch him walk away with your mouth wide open and your eyes wide fucking open-

your thoughts on him immediately start to change after that day

and you no longer found yourself disliking him

like you didn’t know exactly when your thoughts on him started to transform but it was somewhere after the incident-

of course, he also clearly changed his attitude after that day too-

like then suddenly he’d stop his teasing?

like, yeah it still happens from time to time now, but like it wasn't as overbearing as before

but then bill actually starts to hang out with you more without actually outwardly teasing you anymore

and you are just completely 

like he’d sit then next to you and after a few moments of silence he starts to talk to you about random stuff

it was awkward and first but then you guy would actually start to talk and you think it’s a miracle

it was slow progress at the beginning but small talk quickly turned into long conversations that were full of laughter

this man who seemed unapproachable and harsh who was actually nothing but a big softie

you slowly warmed up to him and you even found yourself welcoming bill guarnere’s quirks and unique personality

as you opened up to him, he also opened up to you and soon most of your free time was spent talking to him

your relationship grew stronger as the war raged on and you couldn’t help but feel a certain way towards him

like it started with small things, but those small things led to STRONG ASS FEELINGS- i mean, can you imagine?

you started to notice things you haven’t ever noticed before, like how cute his smile was, how nice his voice sounds, or how caring he can actually be-

aND BILL NOTICED THINGS TOO- 

i mean, he already noticed them but bill just started to appreciate and love them even more than before-

like the way your eyes light up when you get excited, when you laugh at his stupid jokes, and when you’re just existing-

bill refuses to admit that he’s getting sappy for you, but he knows that he does-

tension soon builds up between you two guys and its a wonder how easy company hasn’t caught on-

i mean, the longing and adoring looks you cast each other are precious and you wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world

bill wouldn’t also trade anything in the world for those smiles and happy expressions of yours

bill also seemed to be hiding his feelings behind his personality pretty well, but he’s actually struggling-

after a few days of thinking, guarnere just decides that he couldn’t wait anymore and he also decides to shoot his shot

and he’s so GLAD that he did-

things couldn’t have turned out better for the both of you

if you already haven’t ascended when he took your hands into his- then you definitely ascended when he confessed

for someone who had a very bold and brash personality, bill was surprisingly soft spoken and tender during his confession

the confession was short- BUT SWEET! 

you almost died when you heard bill apologize and explain why he treated you so badly when he first met you

you were just in awe at this man. this beautiful, snarky, bastard made your life 10000x better and a world without him was not a good world at all-

immediately you would say how you felt, your hands still in his and you decide to intertwine your fingers with his

bill instantly kissed you as you finished and the warm sensation that you shot straight into heaven and it could only be described as euphoric

even that is still an understatement

when you stopped, bill raises his hands to cup your face and the feeling you got was aSTOUNDING

he just looked at you with such soft eyes that were full of love and you could help but melt

you were still breathless, but you begged for more of his touch

more kisses were shared privately among the two of you, and you wouldn’t want to have it any other way

but believe when i say that easy company had their mouths dROPPED to oblivion when they found out that the two of you were dating-

they had to admit it, you two did make a surprisingly good match and they were living for every single second of it

while you two got off on the wrong foot, you couldn’t be any happier to be with him

you and bill would also sometimes find it impossible that you two even hated each other in the first place

but it was all worth it, because you two ended up in each other’s arms in the end anyway 

and for you and bill, that was all that mattered

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im sorry if i took too long to answer your request but i finally posted it! i really liked writing this and this was just such a nice request!

hopefully you enjoyed these hcs and i also hope that it’s good enough! 💞💞😊

btw im sorry for any mistakes of any kind!

#band of brothers #band of brothers x reader #band of brothers headcanon #band of brothers fanfiction #bill guarnere #william guarnere #bill guarnere x reader #bill guarnere headcanon #william guarnere x reader #william guarnere headcanon #hbo war #hbo war headcanon #hbo war fanfiction

[mousehole5000]

 this is it... the final post.... 226 through THE END!!!!!

this shit with mu qing and the river of lava is SOOOO dramatic im loving it

oh my god theyre on a FUCKING bridge of course they are okay let’s go boys

“You’re right. We’re alike. You think me odd, I think you to be rather weird too.” - so what im getting from this is that xie lian and mu qing are the only characters in this book with working gaydar okay yup got it this checks out

god... the fact that xie lian is ready to be like “look mu qing we can just forget about the past it doesnt matter we dont have to be friends i know you dont like me but im not gonna let you die over it” and then mu qing is like “.... god i really do admire you huh”

“You...certainly...are rather amazing. You’re...also...a better person...than me. Long story short, I...very much wanted...to become your f-f-friend.”  - going to think about this for the rest of all time im about to become utterly unintelligible im overcome with emotions

“And, at the end of the white silk band, Feng Xin was gripping Ruoye with one hand while the other was holding on to a steel-faced Mu Qing, and he shouted towards him.” - the fucking IMAGE of this im gonna cry this is everything i could have asked for im so happy also mu qing dangling there like “ welp. guess ill live“

“Feng Xin was almost burnt by that pillar of fire, and he shouted in outrage. “WHAT’S WITH THIS BAND OF DOG SHITS, ATTACKING PEOPLE WHILE THEY’RE DOWN, SO VILE! FUCK YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY!” Xie Lian responded, “IF THEIR ENTIRE FAMILIES ALL LOOK LIKE THAT, YOU SURE YOU WANT TO FUCK THEM??” - theyre so funny!!! and theyre best friends!!! theyre joking together now in the middle of all this i could cry theyre back!!!

“Using sticks as arrows, he held the bow with one hand and used his teeth to bite back the bowstring.” - no clue how practical this is but okay archer boy. hot

i actually have so many little quips between the three of them highlighted but we’d be here all night if i included them all. im literally so delighted by this omg worth the wait

“Each sabre strike slashed to the bone. It wasn’t like Xie Lian had never seen Hua Cheng use the sabre before in the past, but his style had always been easy and leisurely, nonchalant and casual. Rather than say he was handling a weapon, it was more like he was toying with a small knife. Yet those blade marks were filled with killing intent. It was easy to imagine just how skilled the one exchanging blows with him was, and how perilous this battle.” you have no idea how mad i was when i read this and thought we missed witnessing the fight between hc and jw omg

“Behind him, Feng Xin muttered, “Dear fucking god, may all the gods and buddhas grant their blessings, that better absolutely be Crimson Rain Sought Flower, otherwise he’s gonna go mad!” “Stop your rubbish,” Mu Qing berated. “We’re all the gods and buddhas ourselves and we can’t grant shit, just keep up with him! Look at the stumbling way he’s running, he’s gonna trip and fall to his bloody death before he even sees the man!” - okay i know i said no more quips but this is literally too funny i just wanted to read it again

“ However, for whatever reason, that vicious ghost, in its muddled state, took that large group of live mortals under its wing and fled for many days. In the end, they were still surrounded by millions of ghosts, trapped in a dead end, and it was going to be eaten along with those humans.” [...] “That vicious ghost almost made a move against those humans, but for some reason, in the end, it didn’t. It instead used one of its own eyes as the price to forge a blood weapon. That vicious ghost was already forcibly hanging on with its last breath; after digging out its eye it should’ve broken apart completely. Yet somehow something had shocked it, and it instead woke to its senses completely. “ - THIS IS AMAZING ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? IS THIS ALL WE GET ABOUT HIS GHOSTLY LORE?????? HUA CHENGGGGGGGG

“What a terrible offence, his old habit had come out, and he quickly apologized. “I’m sorry! You don’t have to listen to me!” Hua Cheng, however, only smiled happily. “Everything gege tells me is the best advice, so why wouldn’t I listen?” - this isnt the fucking time afjdkfjsdkl they really never stop

“So you can hold the illusion of a perfect Crown Prince of Wuyong to face and dismiss the Jun Wu now. Isn’t that your objective? Did you think I don’t know what you’re thinking?” “THAT’S NOT IT!” Guoshi cried. “Stop getting tied up in right and wrong, victories and defeat, I’VE NEVER THOUGHT THAT WAY BEFORE!” - jun wu only being able to see xie lian as his successor and believing that thats all anyone else sees too... okay

honestly this whole final showdown was a blast i cant put everything in but it was so much fun to read. the DRAMA the LAVA the SHOUTING t

“Hua Cheng had poured too much spiritual power into him. There really was too much, so much that it was completely outside the amount the cursed shackle could withstand.” - okay.... okay... the love you give will set you free... okay....

“With Jun Wu in his grip, he carried both their bodies and forcefully slammed into the incomparably-solid rock wall! He used all of his power in this smash, and in the rumbling and crashing of rocks, he also heard the sound of something breaking.” [...] “A moment later, Jun Wu suddenly asked, “That move. What is it called?” “...” Xie Lian raised his sleeve and wiped away the blood on the side of his face. “Shattering boulders on the chest.” YES!!!!! YES!!!!! xie lian actually lived that life!!!!!! i loved this detail so much

“After a moment of silence, Xie Lian took off the bamboo hat carried on his back, took it in his hand, and covered it over Jun Wu’s face.” - xie lian... good... another detail i love. a hat that protects from the rain, given in a moment of need, even to someone who has caused you hardship... we do not forget the kindness granted to us

“There was gratefulness, there was shame, there was heartache, there was wild joy, but above all else, there was incurable love.” - :pleading: i wish it was just that easy tbh. “i have to tell you about the worst parts of myself” “ive already seen them and i dont care i still love you“ truly the dream

“ It’s been so long since anyone listened to me talk, won’t you stay? Don’t...actually do this. I won’t be able to take it. Twice, it’s been twice already! I really don’t want there to be a third time!!!” - the bit about just wanting someone to listen to him talk... xie lian... :(

emily corpse bride moment.... i knew it had to happen.... butterflies.... death and rebirth.... inevitable

xianle trio bickering about ruoye..... mu qing complaining but not letting anyone else fix it... im so happy

“The Rain Master sat down on the spot, looking like she was going to perform a passing service for her. After all, Xuan Ji was the only one left of the Kingdom of Yushi besides herself.”  - xuan ji you sure the hell were... a character. this little moment tho..... yushi huang... many thoughts

“ Who hasn’t made promises, or swore to the mountains and the seas when they were young? Talking of affection, of love, of forevers. But, the longer I hang around in the world, the more I understand, something like ‘forever’ is impossible. It’s never going to be possible. Having it once was already good enough. No one can truly achieve it. I don’t believe in it anymore.” - jian lan im happy for you bummer it didnt work out with feng xin but yeah that was looooong ago. also this quote me same mood kin but its chill. having it once was already good enough

although yeah tbh if theres anyone who can have a forever like that... it would be a ghost and a god

fasdfjadklfj GOD... pour one out for ling wen.. but is that not the truth of this world? the one can be pardoned for being good at paperwork that no one else wants to do? isnt that the plot of the shawshank redemption?

okay but the fact that all xie lian’s friends come to visit him while he waits for hua cheng is making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.... fengqing coming together to try to get him out of the house but get scared off by his cooking... amazing

“Last time, they spent eight hundred years running towards each other. This time, it only took an instant to fall into each other’s embrace.” - im completely unaffected by this. im not lying i swear (i am lying im very emotionally affected)

okay i love this final wrap up chapter party its so fun. mu qing moving on from the broom thing!!! good for him!! the beggars get their reward!!! the fun ghost city chefs!! SQX!!!! and he xuan is?? here too??? he’s hungry??? fjadlkfjsdl

“The grounds that Feng Xin and Mu Qing had just swept were once again filthy from that giant crowd of muddy feet. Mu Qing gripped his broom, looking like he felt someone had infected him with fleas, and his eyes were wide.” - me when my dad comes into the kitchen when ive just finished washing dishes i get it king

the little folklore bit... fun!!! oh my god its over..... :(

that was really fun i had a blast reading it and on the whole really liked it i WISH soo badly that hua cheng had gotten more outside of being cunty and devoted even tho those are both important i just wish there was more about like how he got by during those 800 years and like did he ever have doubts? what shaped his worldview was it all xie lian or was it his experience as a mortal as well? why is he so mean to e’ming? theres bits and pieces here and there and i know it was already SO long but that really would have been great if there was more about hc cuz tbh by the end, at least for me, the hualian relationship didnt actually feel as fleshed out as the xianle trio relationship like i still liked hualian’s dynamic and it was really sweet how much they clearly really liked each other and  everything but i kind of wish some of the other subplots had been dropped or diminished in favor of more hc development i think that would have been cool

but anyway thats some of my thoughts and i really did enjoy the hell out of book 5 that was a riot and uhhh thanks to everyone who read these or commented *lends you spiritual energy through a high five*

#tgcf liveblog #it is Complete i can move on now #i actually have a lot more thoughts about hl because i uhhhh relate. to things. and have opinions due to my experiences #but its also quite Personal soooo i might just keep them tucked away #anyway im freeeeeee #mouse mumbles

[itsskythoo]

She never knew what would have happened, she never imagined that one simple thing would cause her to lose the love of her life. She didn't know by accepting to go to Hogwarts with her bestfriends she would have met the love of her life, or that the love of her life would end up dead in her arms because of a grave mistake she made. Draco Malfoy is the reason that the love of her life was dead and she would make him pay if it was the last thing she did.

Skys pov

7 and a half years ago I started school with my best friend, Ron Weasley. It was one of the best experiences ever, with many surprises along the way. One of these being I fell in love with Ron's brother, Fred. As long as I’d known the family, Fred always helped me with things and helped me pull pranks on my friends. I had always looked up to him, but I didn’t mean to fall in love with him. Ron and I even had a list of “rules” and a certain rule said I was not allowed to fall in love with his siblings. Funny how things happened.

~YEAR ONE~

“Ron how much of an idiot could you be to say that to her after everything she's helped you with already”

I had screamed at my red faced best friend. He had once again not used his head and told Hermoine Granger how much of a know it all she was. Not that he was wrong, but it was uncalled for. “Sky is right Ron, she just helped you in charms class and you humiliated her in return,” Harry agreed. Ron just looked at us like we were insane for calling him out.

“Oh bloody hell not you two ganging up on me.” Ron yelled in the great hall

“You're just mad because you know Sky is right.”

I looked up to see Fred and George joining the conversation. Those two were always getting into trouble, or watching it. Or both. Those boys made everything a bit more interesting and always found a way to make people laugh.

Ron looked at Fred like he just got stabbed in the gut and walked off furiously.

“Bloody hell you've done it now Sky” Harry shouted at me, chasing after Ron. He would come to his senses later on.

I look across the table to where Fred and George now sit and they just smirk at me like they've played the biggest joke.

“What do you guys want,” I glared at them.

George just looks at fred and then back at me and leaves without a single word

“Hey sky” Fred looks at me as if im this puzzle hes trying to figure out

“Yes fred? Can I help you with something” I ask him sarcastically.

“No, I just wanted to tell you that was bloody brilliant of you the way you made Ronald so angry.”

I look at him in shock. I was not expecting that at all.

“It was never my intention to make him angry and even if it was I certainly didn't do it to impress you. Good day Fred.” I silently make my way back to the Slytherin common room, wondering what my time at Hogwarts would bring.

~YEAR TWO~

The summer before my second year at Hogwarts was an amazing experience for me. I traveled all around the world with my parents. Sadly, my parents are close friends with the Malfoys, so I had to spend some time with Draco since our families went on a vacation together. I wasn’t thrilled at the idea but Draco is actually quite mellow and easy to get along with once you get to know him. He asked a lot about Hermione however, asking about how she’s doing. He must have some sort of crush on her, which is odd considering she hates muggle-borns like the rest of his family. My family also dislikes muggle-borns except for me. I’m always the odd one out. My travels around the world made my summer very enjoyable, but I was ready to get back to hogwarts and spend the year with my friends. New adventures await and I am ready. “SKY” I hear someone shout my name on the platform when we reach Hogwarts. I turn, recognizing that voice as easy as my own; “RON” soon i'm tackled to the ground with red hair in my face.

“Bloody hell Ron I missed you too but did you really have to tackle me to the ground!!?”

“Sorry about that Sky, i just haven't seen you all summer. I missed you.”

I look at him in shock before I roll my eyes.

“Don't go getting soft on me Weasley,” I say.

His eyes so wide

“Me? Never. How was your summer sky”

I walk beside him to try and go find harry and hermione

“It was amazing my parents and I traveled a lot”

He looks at me in shock before deciding to speak his mind

“You hate being alone with your parents..how was it amazing?”

“Oh I wasn't alone with them we traveled with the Malfoys and it was quite amazing if i'm being honest”

He looks at me with anger in his eyes before slapping me across the face

“BLOODY HELL RON WHAT WAS THAT FOR”

All eyes in the great hall turn to us both draco and fred look at us and rush over to us

“Stay away from me salvatore.” ron screams at you and in that moment you felt your heart break into a thousand pieces

“Salvatore? Really because I spent the summer with Draco and his family you hate me now?”

I wait for his answer with tears streaming down my cheeks

“You know what he did to me...to my family. You are the only one who knows so yes I hate you. When you decide who your real friends are come find me”

I just look at him in absolute shock

“GO TO HELL WEASLEY”

Fred looks at me with pity before running after his brother. Draco comes closer to me and looks at me;

“Sky?”

I know he's talking but i can't even breathe or register what just happened

“Sky it's me, Draco come on love lets get you out of here”

I don't move or say anything until he touches my arm and pulls me into a hug and that's when i break

“Oh god oh god oh god what did i do oh my god” I break down into sobs and its hard to breathe and everyone is staring at draco and i

“Draco”

I look up at him with fear in my eyes

“I know Sky, come on i'll get you out of here”

Before walking out of the great hall with Draco I see Fred watching me silently asking if i'm okay but i can't deal with anymore weasley drama so i just walk out ignoring his gaze.

A few months later Draco and I have become quite close ever since the breakdown on the first day back. If Draco is not at quidditch practice he's with you, you couldn't find Draco without finding me. I still miss Ron a lot and I miss Harry and Hermione but they hate my guts all because I'm friends with Draco. I still talk to the twins from time to time and I always enjoy that, but it's not the same as having Ron as my best friend.

I was walking to potions with Draco when I felt a shoulder hit mine and I fell to the ground. I looked up to see Ron and some 3rd year laughing. I look around hoping draco is somewhere around and to my horror he's on top of ron punching him over and over again

“HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH HER YOU FILTHY WEASLEY”

“DRACO STOP IT! STOP IT DRACO '' I start screaming at him but he doesn't budge until I grab his shoulder and he just pushes me to the ground and I just stare up in horror at him.

“Sky oh my god I’m so sorry” draco is suddenly at my side as if he just wasn't beating the living hell out of someone who i still consider my best friend.

“Draco no. don't touch me dont look at me, don't even talk to me. I trusted you and you hurt the person I care about more than anything else, you were a best friend to me and you hurt my best friend no screw that my family. It doesn't matter what he's done. I love him and I trusted you.”

With that I walked away from the only person I had left.

I had expected to spend the rest of the year alone but a few hours later sitting in the library silently crying into my potions textbook i feel a pair of eyes on me i assume it's the same pair that's been on me all night

“Fred i know you're there you can stop pretending to study we both know you don't study especially for potions”

I hear him chuckle before he pulls a seat up next to me and makes me look at him wiping the tears off my face

“What's wrong gorgeous”

I look at him in shock and i can feel my cheeks heat up

“First of all i'm not gorgeous and second i lost my best friend and then i lost draco and he's all i had left”

He looks at me and just pulls me into a hug and i start sobbing into his chest

“I miss him so much Fred”

He just pulls me in tighter and holds me till i stop sobbing

“Love, listen to me, you are so beautiful. And i know rons been an asshole to you this year but he misses you too”

I look at him in doubt

“Then why has he beat me up all year?”

i hear footsteps behind us and i see another red haired boy but not his face so i assume its George but i finally see the strangers face to see Ron

“Ronald..”

“Hey sky..can we talk?

I look at Ron in shock before shaking my head

“Look Sky i know i was a world class jerk this year and for that i'm sorry, i know that the past few years have been hard on you with everything that your dad did to you and i'm sorry i slapped you, i miss my bestfriend im sorry and i know you probably hate me and never wanna s-”

“Shut up Ron” and i tackle him in the biggest hug

“I love you sky”

“AWW RON YOU GOT SOFT ON ME”

Ron just rolls his eyes at me

“Lets go Sky”

~YEAR 3~

“Ron can you believe we are already back at hogwarts!”

I look up at him waiting for a response

“I cant believe im stuck with you again even after you spent the whole summer with us” he snarkily replied

“Oh weasley you love me”

Ron just rolls his eyes and continues his walk to the great hall trying to find the rest of our friends, finally finding hermione and harry we all sit down talking when all of a sudden Ron is screaming at a spider he seeing on the table and fred is laughing and the spider disappears

“Seriously fred?!”

Ron looks at Fred in anger as Fred runs off

“God what an ass”

I look at fred before responding “I know”

Ron looks between fred and I before yelling at me

“HEY HEY RULE NUMBER 9”

“Oh come on as if”

He looks at me in doubt

“Yeah tell that to the drool”

“OH WHATEVER”

I roll my eyes and shove ron while sneaking glances at fred and i see him winking at me and i blush even after 2 months of dating in secret he does those things and i still get flustered. I know that if Ron found out he would kill me but this summer I fell for Fred hard and he was there for me for things i couldn't tell Ron.

A few hours later I'm sitting in the Slytherin commons looking at a picture of Fred and I'm wondering how I got so lucky to have him as my boyfriend when Draco and his goblins come in and sit down next to me.

“Can i help you boys with something?” i snarkily ask them

“Just curious about something sky, how did a broken girl like you get a guy like Fred?” Draco asks with that smug look on his face that I want to slap off his face.

“I don't know what you mean by broken and as for fred i didn't get him we are just friends”

Draco rolls his eyes before saying something that shocks me

“Sky you forget we were fairly close last year, i helped you with all your panic attacks and was there when you had nightmares and helped you through your depressive episodes and as for Fred i know as well as you do that you guys are dating you look at him like he's your world.”

I look at Draco in shock with tears in my eyes before i hear what else he adds

“And let's be honest, Sky he could never love someone as broken as you, he'll leave you just like your brother did and just like everyone you've ever loved has. He don't want to stick around for someone as broken as you”

With tears streaming down my face I ran out of the commons in search of my boyfriend. I see a few 1st year gryffindors and ask them if they've seen Fred and they let me know he's in the east corridor with Ron and George, i can feel myself getting lightheaded and dizzy like i always do when i get panic attacks. I finally see his red hair and i yell his name;

“FRED” and with that I collapse not being able to hold myself up anymore

“Sky? Baby what happened?”

I suddenly realize that he's with Ron and I see how hurt Ron looks in that moment but I can't focus on that right now because my sight goes blurry with all the tears streaming down my face and I start sobbing into Freds chest.

“Shh its okay darling i'm here”

A few minutes later though it feels like hours. I've finally calmed down and I can stand up on my own. I look up at Ron and see his face morph from worried to anger.

“Ron can we talk?” i look at him with sadness in my eyes

“No but i will, how could you do this to me Sky after everything i've done for you how could you betray me like this?” he asks me that with anger and betrayal in his eyes.

“I DIDN'T CHOOSE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM RON '' i blurt out before i realize what i said i run away not wanting to see the look on ron or fred's face.

Im sobbing in the west corridor when i see draco come up to me and try and talk to me but before he can say anything im walking away to the pond i always used to go to when i needed to think, i hear someone following me i assume it's fred coming to break up with me but i turn around to come face to face with a platinum blonde malfoy boy staring at my brown eyes.

“What do you want malfoy? Come to make me question myself even more?”

He looks at me with what looks to be an apologetic look on his face?

“No i came to apologize i never meant to hurt you, i was hurting and i miss you and i'm sorry. Are you okay sky? You don't seem okay”

I look at him softly before putting on my facade of happiness on before i reply

“Im perfect draco no need to worry about me. And for the record i miss you too”

His face softens before he replies with something that shocks me

“ Sky you was my best friend, i know you're not okay you don't need to lie to me, let me help you. We can be friends again. I can help you the way the weasleys can't. You know I know what it's like to feel the way you do so why not let me help you.”

“Draco are you kidding me? You broke me last year seeing you beat ron up..it hurt me. I was..i was falling in love with you and you broke my heart. Besides my best friend despises you I can't lose Ron again ``I remark like it's a fact.

He just stares at me in shock, “you were in love with me?”

I look at him like it was the most idiotic question ever, “i was starting to but im not anymore like i said you broke my heart and you know what? Fred fixed it. I'm in love with him and i'm pretty sure he's gonna leave me, because who could ever love someone as broken as me?”

“I could” says a voice behind Draco and that I recognize as my boyfriend.

I turn around to face the one and only Fred Weasley

“Fred..hey”

He smiles at me

“Come on my love let's take a walk”

I go with fred before turning around and running up to draco and hugging him before whispering “i'd love to be friends but ron cant find out” then i say louder, “thank you draco for making sure i'm okay”

I then run back to my boyfriend and walk with him and it's silent but not in an awkward way it's a comfortable silence before he finally says something,

“I love you sky”

I look at him and reply back with love in my eyes

“I love you weasley”

The rest of the year went by quickly with stolen kisses from fred dirty looks from ron and stolen conversations with draco i spent the first part of summer break with draco and the last 2 months with fred and his family, ron still hating me.

~YEAR FOUR~

When we return back to Hogwarts, im honestly in shock of how far i've come the past 3 years and how much i've learned and grown. I've fallen in love and I've gained and lost friends. Ron still hates me for dating his brother he refused to talk to me all summer but here we all are running from an attack for he who must not be named and his followers, i can hear Hermione's screams and then someone grabs me and i start screaming

“FRED” i start screaming

“SKY WHERE ARE YOU”

And then i see draco and then the guy who grabbed me is on the ground

“Sky are you okay?”

I look at him and look back at the stranger on the ground

“Uh yeah i'm okay thank you draco. I should get back to fred and the group but seriously thank you”

“No need to thank me darling,i'll always be here to protect you”

I wonder what he means by that but I forget about it quickly after being back in Freds arms.

Over the course of my 3rdyear i had gotten particularly close with a certain Hufflepuff named Cedric Diggory, that only increased over the summer, now it wasn't like that, i had fred and i love him. Cedric was like my big brother. I could tell anything too. We were as close as Fred and George are. As soon as his name was selected for the triwizard tournament I had this feeling in my stomach that it wouldn't go well. But like i said he was basically my big brother so i supported him i was there throughout everything and i started to think maybe i was wrong and it would turn out okay in the end. Oh how wrong I was. As soon as Harry came back with Cedric's body I let out a blood curdling scream. Fred looks at me with worry and tries to get me out of the stadium but i run up to harry and tackle him and start shouting

“WHAT DID YOU DO POTTER WHY IS MY BROTHER DEAD WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DID YOU DO”

“He's back sky..he's back.”

I look into his eyes and i know he's telling the truth

~YEAR 5~

Year five was awful for me. I didn't talk to anyone besides Fred and draco. I started hating Harry for getting Cedric killed and I started failing my classes. But at the end of the year I was in the worst place I could be. I was gonna use one of the unforgivable curses on myself. This is until Ron walked in on me and stopped me. That summer I spent it with him and Fred and they helped me get better.

~YEAR 6~

Nothing happened basically all of year 6 up until the end draco asked for my help with killing dumbledore because he was now a death eater. It was the beginning of the end of my life as i knew it, dumbledore was dead and draco wasn't the person i knew anymore. I hated him for what he did so I refused to talk to him.

~YEAR SEVEN~

Hell. i was in literal hell my whole life has ended when I saw his body it was like i was watching it as a movie like it wasnt real. I look up and see Draco holding a wand after he just performed the killing curse on the love of life. We were gonna get married have kids and now thats all gone, Fred Weasley is dead. I let out a scream and ron and george finally realize i saw the whole thing.

“Sky come on lets get out of here ill take you to your dorm” Ron calmly states while walking towards me like im a scared animal who will run away if he moves to fast.

“NO” i shout at him and he jumps, I see george walk towards me and hugs me

“Sky he loved you so much and hes never really gone, youll be okay” george whispers softly in my ear. Suddenly all i feel is rage and i push him away and i look at him the boy who has the face of the love of my life before i say something that shocks everyone,

“Fred is dead i wont be okay because he was the love of my life. Draco killed him and i swear to god, if its the last thing i do ill kill him. Hes not getting away with this.” Then i walk out of Hogwarts and dont turn back. And now im here, alone and angry. I swore id get my revenge and i will. Draco Malfoy will regret ever picking up his wand. I swear to you Fred he wont get away with this

#draco malfoy x reader #fred weasley #fred weasley x slytherin!reader #angst #harry potter x reader

[theloveliestprince]

Reapting Reapting Reapt

TW: Remus?, Being sad and stuff.

     Roman sighed as memories filled his head as he tapped his pencil on the edge of his desk in time with the music in his head phones. Roman took in his room looking at the details on the walls as if he hadn’t already spent hours looking at them. He couldn’t get his head to think normally it was filled with too many questions, comments and criticism. He wanted to do something more than listen to the thoughts and stare at the wall. Roman spun around the room trying to decide if he should leave it for the first time in weeks or stay put spinning in his chair tell he felt too dizzy to stand. Roman planted his feet on the ground stopping the chair with a force. He had done this time and time again think and spun in the chair tell he didn't have to think anymore, he turned towards the patterns on the wall and looked at them as if he hadn’t spent hours already looking at them for his 30 years of life. Roman looked at his hands studying the details the way his palms were more read than the back the way his nails had old chipped nail polish he had put on. He looked at the small scar that went over his knuckle wondering when he got it or how he got it. The song changed in Romans headphones he knew the song changed but was too caught up in his own hands to care.   

         Ten minutes goes by faster when you're locked in a staring contest with your hands. Roman sighed as his head had diffeted him again. Romans eyes landed on his feet he looked at the floor looking at the wood that was usually covered by a carpet. He looked at the scratched wood following the lines with eyes he’d get mad at himself later for letting his chair off the little carpet letting it scratch the floor but now was not that time. Roman sighed he had spent too much time thinking and not enough time doing anything else. He stood up taking another look at his room, his eyes landing on the old closet in his room. The old closet was covered in a thin layer of dust having not been touched in a long time not even Remus had bothered to use it. Roman stared at the door to the imagination as if he was waiting for it to move, he locked eyes with it following the outline with his eyes. Roman stood up and walked over to the door putting his hand on the wood feeling it with his fingers. Thoughts filled his head, ones with worries and concerns, what if he didn't leave the imagination if he entered, was the biggest thought. Roman couldn’t pin a point where he started worrying so much but he knew he started paying way more attention to what he was saying maybe too much. Roman pushed the worries aside; he knew someone would come get him, he hoped someone would come get him. He put his hand on the shiny gold door handle twisting it open feeling a weight being lifted as the door showed the blue abece that was the imagination. With one knee on the edge of the closet he pushed himself in the imagination. 

              In a blink of an eye Roman found himself in his usual price ware and laying in a field, he looked up at the sky making eye contact with lady moon. Had it really been night? Roman sat there talking a silent conversation with lady moon and her children, who are the stars. Roman tried to find a constellation ones that he heard Logan talking about but to no avail it was much harder than he thought. He remembered how mean he had been to Logan and knew he should say sorry but he didn't want to make Logan upset, he felt the cold of the grass brush the side of him, it sent a calm in him as he closed his eyes. “Hey, Smelly” He felt the warmth of the person who just called at him sit next to him. Roman opened his eyes meeting them with the green of Remus’s “Good your not dead” Remus jokes. Roman sat up on the grass slouching a bit making him a bit shooter than Remus. “Roman? How are you doing? I haven't felt you come in here for a bit?” Roman felt a sigh leave him as he was angry with himself for even debating if he should tell his brother what was wrong.

“Yeah” was all Roman could let out before he slouched more looking at his hands scanning over the details.

“You know you can tell me what's wrong I wont judge you” Remus bumped his brother's shoulder.

“I don't know how to start” Roman admitted

“Was it what Janny said?” Remus knew what had happened but didnt know how to help his brother he wanted to. 

“Yes, but there's more than just that. I think that might have just been the pushing point for it” Remus dabated his next move. He moved his way to be more in front of Roman and pulled him into a hug. Roman took the hug letting out a long shaky breath. 

“It’s ok” Remus whispered as he rubbed circles on Romans back as Roman began to cry.

“I was his Hero!” Roman let out as he clung to his brother for dear life. 

“You still are” 

“He chose him over me he made it very clear that i'm not” Roman mumbled into his brothers shoulder. 

“Have you talked to him?” 

“I don't know if i want to” 

“You should it would help” Roman thought maybe if he did talk to him and maybe if he did it sooner he wouldn’t have to be stuck in his room. 

“I can’t i don't want to explain why i was in my room for so long” 

“So you're going to hide even longer? You don't have to explain it to everyone if you don’t want to you could have a one on one” Remus was right but Roman didn’t want to admit that he wanted it to be one of those things that just gets swept under the rug and it won't ever come back up again

“I-” Roman didn’t know what he wanted to say to his brother. His mind had finally stopped thinking long enough for him to enjoy his brothers comfort. 

“Your aloud to not talk about it and still hang out with your family” Remus brought up “But you cant push it down forever, that hurts more than just your Roman” Roman clung to his brother he needed to hear this as much as he wanted to leave and deny the fact he couldn’t hide it, he stayed and sat in the field with his brother. “Roman?” Roman moved a bit away to look at his brother's face. “When was the last time you ate?” Roman was at a loss he couldn’t remember the last time. Remus said and stood up. “Come on big guy let's get you some food” Remus held out his hand and both of them sunk out into the light side's kitchen. 

          Romans first thought was what if someones up but the kitchen and living room were both alone sitting in the dark with only the dim kitchen light above them both. 

“What do you want?” Remus was looking through the cabinets.

“I don't know” Roman shifted in his feet. Nothing had changed in the house besides the feeling. 

“Mac n Cheese it is” Remus got a pot out of a cabinet and filled it with water.

“Has anything happened” 

“Not really Virgil got use to me Patton jumps at me and Logan is nice” Remus paused “OH! You mean in like general” 

“I'm glad Logan is nice to you” Remus let out a wide grin.

“Him and I like to do Science” Remus stried the pasta a bit. “Virgil has been more on edge without you around and Logan just seems a bit bored when were not doing things. Patton I don't know he hasn’t changed.” 

“Do you know why Virgil is more on edge?” Roman asked

“Jan” Remus looked into the water as if it was telling him something. Roman hummened back. He let the silence fill the room.

“Are you ok?” 

“I am, I'm just a little sad that Jan and Virg don’t like each other anymore.” Remus turned to look at Roman leaning himself on the counter

“Unresolved?” 

“Miscommunication they both have too much pride to talk to each other” 

         The sound of someone in the living room was now apparent to both Roman and Remus, both of the locking eyes before looking into the living room. 

“Roman?” Virgil stood in the living room like a deer in headlights.

“Hi” Roman waved nervously at what Virgil would say. Virgil walked into their small kitchen looking Roman up and down and doing the same to Remus.

“I missed you”  Virgil played with his hoodie out of habit. Roman smiled at Virgil; all his thoughts at this very point were wrong. He was happy that he was still family to at least two people.

“Sorry to worry you, and sorry for disappearing”  The room fell to a nice silence as the two stared at each other with smiles. Remus let out a laugh as he drained the pasta in the sink.

“What's so funny” Roman laughed 

“You” Virgil answered for Remus. All three of them laughed. In that moment they were happy with each other. At that moment the endless cycle had stopped and Roman was content for that hour.      

                                I’m at school so i finally felt like writing so here its sad i know but yeah also this is sorta a vent but not ya know?

#sander sides #roman sanders #virgil sanders #thomas sanders

[cybernightwanderer]

How whats left of me faded away, and how my first christmas home became my last : - The day my mom died. - The concept of family finally ended for me. - And how “ it doesnt get any better”.

23rd December.

These past few months i have been on psiquiatric medical leave from work due to a very severe depression thanks to the amazing workplace enviroment that has now crippled me so deeply physically and mentally, more before.

Its funny how when i try my hardest to recover and get my life back, its becomes so clear its a fucking joke.

Begining of the year i managed to fight off my mom on the money she was forcing me to pay her, and i managed to pay less from what i was paying before, and due to these medical leaves and corona, i get very little support finnancialy. I managed to save up almost 1k, i was ready to start believinng i could fix up my life. However i still pay her what i have to monthly, half the bills, 50 euros for food that i may consume at the house, and i also buy my food and my own things like i always did.

My mom has the tendancy to force me to take borrowed money she lends me.

For example mid corona time, i had to have gum surgery due to an old tooth infection, wich turned out to be 3 tooths, and i took out 2, needless to say my mom helped me with half of the apointments, i payed the surgery ones but then i needed follow up apointments so i wouldnt lose 4 more teeth. Apointments i canceled right away , beause i didnt have any money, and my mom being the mom that she is i always refuse her “ loans “ due to her being worse than a fucking stereotipical loan shark that takes that money back with interest, but in mental health and sanity. However she kept squedueling the apointments without me knowing, then tell me 1 day early, then get mad at me because id tell her i had no money so i told her to cancel and not make apointments without my consent and knowledge. This to wich she responded with screams , name calling , telling me to cancel myself and the general griefing of : “OK fine ill never help u with anything again “ / “ ok fine i dont care anymore then “, “ what you are too good to take my money is that it? “ Then when i standed my ground , proceeding to treat me miserably for the following week, demanding me to do random chores, just for the sake of punishing me , leaving dirty dishes of her own food acumulating so she could force me to do them and threaten me with a beating if i didnt, or making me wash the bathroom everyday for no reason.

With all this mess, half the money i had saved up + using it on the apointments and paying her back right away at the end of the month the consultations i owed her. I was left with 400 bucks.

Wich later on were also spent in dentist urgency apointments, because i kept having infections, psiquiatrist apointments and medicine and a laywer for the work harrassement situation, and then and there, all my money was gone.

The situation goes by, im home , receiving basic support for the medical leave, i pay my share of the bills and i do my own thing, however depression has gotten worse, my attacks have gotten worse, and everything just feels like rock bottom here.

These last 2 months, ive been trying so hard... so hard to get back on my feet, i was taking my medicine, i was taking a languague course, i was going to the doctor. I was really, really trying. Its funny how hard i was trying, for the first time in my life i was really trying to believe it could get better.

My mom was even acting nice and it almost seemed like she was really supporting me and trying.

December 23. Me and my mom go the psiquiatrist apointment for him to avaluate my condition. For the first time the apointment wasnt so heavy, it didnt leave me so weary from it. I finally believed. By the end of the consultation my doctor asks my mom to make sure i dont go back to that work place, because it might have a huge take on my life. My mom turns to the doctor and says : “ I know she cant go back , but she cant be unemployed either.” And the doctor says : “ I know, but if she goes back it can make her worse, we cant let that happend, its damaging her“ ( meaning she could kill herself, due to the last apointments conversation ) On to wich my mother replied : “ Well i cant be providing for us both with my money “.

...

When we arrived at the car i asked her why she said that and what she meant by that. And i told her that i pay for my food and that i pay for the things i eat that she buys ( wich is not much ) and that i also pay for half the bills.

To wich she agressivly threatned me to shut up and started yelling right away and acting like a victim with her mild aneurism that happend quite a few years ago in wich she HAS BEEN FULLY HEALED AND PERFECT HEALTHY, but always uses as an excuse to dodge the discussion after demanding certain shit or just plain insulting me. After a lot of lying and name calling and even telling me that i eat her food and that i live off of her. Into wich i replied, i dont always eat your food , and theres a lot of times when i dont eat and you yell at me and treat me badly for not eating your food wich led me to just eat cereals for months everyday as all 3  meals or not even eating and skipping meals for being too afraid of making my own food in the kitchen.

And so on... And i asked her what she wanted from me. And after a long car fight and a lot of gaslighting, she finnaly admitted she just wanted more money “ because if all your friends pay normal rent , you should too “ ( meaning a 450 rent ).

And then i just gave up and told her ok, ill pay you a full rent and i will also never toutch your food again. She laughed and made fun of me. And said : like ur even gonna buy your own food, you always use my things. to wich i asked what things? Oh you use my shampoo and toilet paper. To wich then i replied, everytime i buy toiler paper for me, you just take it as your own, and i dont use your shampoo or body wash i buy my own and i have been buying my own. And she just kept fighting me on it saying i do...and i told her i dont, if i by any chance dont have shampo ill use body wash as shampoo or vice versa. She just wanted to be right, so i just told her, ill pay you anything you want, i just dont wanna fight anymore im tired. To wich then she just kept saying “ oh now ur just trowing a fit “ And i sayd to her, why me agreing to what u ask and calmly shutting up to not fight anymore , how is that trowing a fit? i just gave you what you wanted, you dont need to be angry anymore.

And she just kept going at it, trying to poke my nerves until i just completly yelled and when crazy. The she acted like a victim again.

I am so drained, i am so tired....

After that discussion it was just 10 minutes of silence. I made a decision. That woman is not my mother anymore.

She wants to be a landlord so bad, she will be one.

My mother has died.

After a few minutes almost home , she decides to turn the “ mother mode “ on, and goes like “ oh you have to go to the doctor blah blah lets get your medicine etc. And i just told her, no. Ill go to the doctor on my own means, and ill buy the medicine when i have money.

Obviously she completly dismissed what i sayd and tried to drive me to the doctor and the pharmacy. After a few NO’s , she went home.

I got home, i took care of my things and i sorted out my doctors paperwork, she tries to come into my room, and acting like a worried mother like : “ oh did you do this -- etc” ( what i was already doing ) and i just told her, to stop. That she doesnt get to “ talk to me about those things anymore, or about my buisness.

Shes not my mother anymore. She doesnt get to act like a mother do just order me around and controll me. She is just a landlord now.

A few hours later, shes wrapping up presents and asks me to do it and asks me for my gifts wrapping thingies, and i told her no. Immediatly got mad at me and kept trowing provocative comments. And i told her, i didnt want any xmas gift from her, and that i wouldnt be spending xmas with her.

She made that usual smirk she mades when she sees me upset.

fast forward, the next day.

24 December

---

#depression #depression major #anxiety #abuse #toxic relationship #abusive mother #toxic mother #Suicide #domestic violence #domestic abuse #covid #covid19 #2020 #mental health #help #gofundme #homeless #trauma #ptsd #toxic family #abusive family #unhealthy #toothless #broken

[rockets-and-raccoons]

My mum knew when I was really young that I wasnt straight. Not that she consciously recognised it. I was the child she constantly told that love was love. I could love whoever I wanted and that was okay. I was the child that was constantly told by my parents that gays deserved rights and that they would always love me no matter what. I was the child they excitedly told when gay marriage finally became legal.

I grew up repressed with severe internalized homophobia issues. To the point where to this day I still severely struggle with it.

My grandad doesnt believe in gay rights. He thinks it's a phase. That these people are ill. The village I grew up in was very Christian. Being gay was wrong. It was disgusting. Gay people needed serious mental help (ironically half the people my age that grew up there have turned out to be part of the lgbtq+ community).

I went to high school in the neighbouring city. Where everyone around me talked about how disgusting being gay is. The fear of a gay person in the changing rooms was talking about constantly. Gay adoption and marriage was considered wrong. Liking people of the same sex was considered disgusting and uncomfortable.

I was terrified everytime I had to get changed for pe. I was terrified to just look at other girls. And it didnt help that the majority of my friends were boys. I didnt spend much time with girls. The one girl I was good friends with- was suddenly the source of rumours. Everyone at school knew before I did. Talked about if before I accepted it.

She's gay.

I denied it. I didn't believe I was for a second. Did everything I possibly could to prove I wasn't. And yet for my last 2 years at school everyone made jokes about my sexuality. Told me I was gay and in love with my friend. (Maybe I was. Maybe I wasn't. I refused to process my emotions properly back then.) They joked about how I was only straight until I was horny. That I was so obviously gay. But it was a joke. A mocking thing that made me feel so horrific that I did awful, horrific things to prove everyone wrong. Things I have to live with, that i hate myself for. Just becaus every time someone suggested I might be gay, all I could think of was 'it's so wrong.' 'Its disgusting' 'its cruel to children to be raised by gay parents' '1 in 5 people are gay, I sure as hell hope it's never going to be me' 'nobody wants to be gay, it's an illness.' 'I cant be around gay people, they make me uncomfortable' 'they'll stare at you in the changing rooms' 'they'll force themselves on you'

I still cant share a bed with another girl without being terrified. I cant be in the same room as another woman getting changed - I havent had to deal with PE in a decade. Havent heard those whispers in a decade.

Every time I become friends with another girl I'm terrified of what will happen when they find out I'm gay. I can't connect with them properly.

And sometimes. Sometimes I just truly hate myself. I hate the fact I find women attractive. That I'd rather spend the rest of my life with a woman rather than a man. Sometimes, often, I still find that disgust curling up in my stomach.

It doesnt matter that I dont live there anymore. That I now live somewhere so open and so easy to accept everyone and anyone. It doesnt matter that I've admitted it to myself, my family, and my friends. That I tell people so easily, I'm gay.

I'm still terrified of what would happen if people from my home found out. I still hear their conversations. Their mocking words. I still feel the effects of their homophobia. And sometimes I still wish I could pretend I was straight.

I was lucky to be born into such an open and accepting family. But by god, I wish I'd been brought up where I live now. I wish I didnt lie in bed hating myself so much at times. I wish I could be at peace with who I am. Rather than wishing I could go back in time and somehow change myself.

I remember telling my mum I was gay, and her not understanding why I was so distraught. Because 'you should know by now I love you no matter what' - and I didnt know how to tell her society, my friends, our community, were all going to despise me. Hate me. Tell me I told you so. I told my dad minutes after he said he wished his daughters were gay bc he hated dealing with the heterosexual drama and boyfriends. He couldn't understand why I was crying, because he wanted gay children. He had told me my whole life he would always love me no matter what. I was free to love whoever I wanted. And I didnt know how to tell him the world made me feel like I was disgusting and wrong and my existence was even worse than that of rapists.

And my grandpa, who I dont get on with, who doesnt really like me, who I was sure hated the gay community (and he has since admitted that if it was years prior he would have disowned me over sexuality) emailed me to tell me he was proud of me, that being gay wasnt wrong and he had been wrong about how he felt about the lgbtq+ community.

My grandad still thinks I'm going through a phase.

My best friend came out to me in tears, telling me he wished he had known we were both struggling, so we could have at least had each other.

When I finally told my other friends. There was no 'I told you so's' suddenly talking about sexuality wasnt a thing. It was a taboo topic nobody wanted to deal with. The girl everyone joked I was in love with, slowly disappeared from my life.

It's funny until it's true. And that's when you really realise the jokes were really, truly jokes. They didnt believe what they were saying. They just enjoyed the rise they got out of you.

And when I think about being a teenager. Despite the fact its ten years long. The only thing I can truly remember is the internal and external homophobia. Everything else feels hazy. The good times. The bad. It's all a fog that's over-taken by the self-loathing that I still carry.

I wish I could tell my teenage self that it gets better.

I wish my parents would believe me when I tell them I dont blame them for living where they did. We couldn't afford to move. They loved me, they love me, and that's what matters.

I wish I hadnt spent so long chanting 'I'm not gay' before bed. Because I knew from the age of 13, and spent the rest of my teen years in denial. Telling myself I was wrong.

But then I see my sister. My sister who is 10 years younger than me. Who had a big sister come out when she was just 8 years old (I came out at 18, yet spent a further 2 years trying to prove I wasnt. I came out too early. But I figured myself out. Accepted myself more, with the help of my family, and my best friend). She has grown up with more progressive media. Has moved to a more progressive place. Hell, her school has an lgbtq+ club. She has one (1) straight friend. She came out as bisexual at 12. But the older shes getting she thinks that her male crushes were caused by heteronormality and she thinks she might be gay. And shes open. Shes proud. Shes unapologetic in who and what she is.

I think about my self hatred. My self-loathing. About my internalised homophobia. I think of every night I spent lying in bed thinking 'One in five people is gay, it's not me. It won't be me. I'm not gay.' And I look at my little, wonderfully, unapologetically herself, little sister. And I think, that every struggle I've ever been through is worth it. If she gets to feel proud of herself because I've come out. Because my parents had to move bc of me. Because I've done everything I can to support her. To love her. To pretend to love myself for who I am in front of her.

Every day I struggle, I think to myself she doesnt have to. I'm one of the last millennials. She's gen z. And shes not my kid. But theres such a large age gap that I feel that generational difference. And I can't have children of my own. And suddenly, I find myself understand what my parents mean when they say that their suffering was worth it whenever they see us gain something out of it. Making things easier for someone you love, for someone so young, it makes it almost feel like it was worth it.

That trauma is going to stay with me. But my coming out too early, is what had my sister questioning her own sexuality. And it happened early enough in her life. She was questioning it before she hit her teens. She told me she knew she liked girls before she hit ten. But she wasnt too sure what that meant. And she wa worried because biphobia in our family is bad. But the we moved away. And she was watching adventure time and steven universe. And I was suddenly openly accepting myself and flirting with girls. And making jokes about my sexuality. And she came out. So young. So proud. And my parents were accepting of her bisexuality (albeit worried about how the rest of the family would react). And I did what I could to support her. Buying badges and flags and taking her to pride. And now shes come out as fully gay and I'm so happy and hoe safe she felt her journey has been. That at 15 she isnt scared to tell her friends (and they're not afraid to tell her). At 15 she might actually have a girlfriend. And shes been to pride. Goes to pride.

And I am so, so proud of her.

I would love to go back in time and tell myself that it's okay to accept who I am. But I cant.

But my sister grew up knowing it was okay to accept who she was. And my coming out helped my best friend accept who he was.

I didnt have any lgbtq+ friends growing up (that I knew about). There were no clubs. No tv shows. My only support was my mum and my dad.

My sister has a club. She has our family. Her friends. Her school (no awful changing room comments. No snide remarks) She has an open and accepting community. I feel so relieved that she'll (hopefully, pls universe, be kind to her) never have the same experiences I did.

#this is a shitty rant #i dont know where my head is tonight #i guess im just depressed #and wanting hugs #and its that stupid anniversary coming up #so i guess im hating myself a little more #my sister just recame out last week #so maybe that also is playing a part #im so proud of her #i love her #ignore #long post

[ryncorrect]

university!au: day6 sungjin

i’ve abandoned this au for so long istg my life is a mess yall please forgive but anyway im back with my bullshit and ready to spread my cringe-worthy stuff to the world again

name: park sungjin

major: practical music and arts

other activities: leader, guitarist, and vocalist of university band, president of music club, member of cooking club

park sungjin is the embodiment of leadership

i mean he’s the band leader, the club president, also the president of his class since year one, like he’s so trustworthy and responsible, literally nothing can go wrong under his sight

and even when things do go wrong (life is a bitch) he’ll still make sure everyone is fine and having the time of their lives pun intended

anyone who meets sungjin for the first time will probs say he has this tough man aura, cold,,, tsundere-ish idk

but as someone who have known each other for so long, you never understand when anyone says sungjin looks cold

you know damn well the moment sungjin opens his mouth he gonna throw dad jokes with his satoori dialect

dad jokes are fucking funny fight me

you once said sungjin should start his own comedy club

......he’s currently considering it

oh right he also talks about food all. the. time.

he joined cooking club for a reason okay

no, he can’t and doesn’t really cook he’s only there to taste food and people let him there because he’s nice and he knows how to appreciate the cooks

uh we love a man with manners

so, who is sungjin for you exactly?

he lives next door, one year older than you, was a leader even when you were little ayeee childhood friend cliche

can you imagine little sungjin leading his friends in game its so pure brb crying

you told him everything you couldn’t tell ur parents because they were busy, you asked for his advises, he made sure you were safe and happy

you still depend on him even after you two have grown up

you enrolled to the same university, took the same major with him, and even joined the clubs he’s a member of

this isn’t because you’re indecisive, it’s just that you spent so much of your childhood with sungjin that you two became similar to each other, up to your hobbies and interests and even palate lmao

that’s why he loves to eat with you because you two never argue about the menu

the only club you can’t join is the band, and that’s because jae rejected your application

reason: extremely close personal relationship with sungjin, therefore sungjin will take your side if we ever had an argument

you denied that; no, sungjin wont take anyone’s side based on feelings bc he’s a logical person and he always listens carefully to every side of the parties before he makes a decision..... but jae wont listen

brat

"you only rejected me because im a better guitarist”

“lalalalala cant hear you over my authority as the important band member”

“fuck you”

“i don’t accept offers”

anywayssss you did fail to join the band, but you’re friends with them, theyre literally so used to your company that sometimes they forgot youre not actually in the band

you and the guys teamed up for sungjin’s surprise birthday party

the surprise failed because dowoon accidentally added sungjin to the group chat

sungjin being nice and playing along anyway because he didnt want to disappoint you

and then its sungjin’s turn to ask the guys for help for your birthday party

failed again because dowoon AGAIN accidentally invited you, in person, to your own birthday party

dowoon what the heck?????

yeah its all cute and sweet but thats all of your relationship with sungjin, you treat him like a dependable brother and he treats you like his own little sister

thats what you tell to your friends too when they ask if you two are dating

they’re glad thats the case

because they have a crush on sungjin LMAOOOOO PLOT TWIST

they’re hoping they can get to sungjin through you yanno like asking you to send him snacks and letters or to tell him they say hi

you dont mind i mean you know sungjin is one admirable person ofc everyone likes him

sungjin never rejects nor accepts it hes just like “yay snacks!”

“god damn it sungjin just date any of them im tired of being a matchmaker”

“then dont?? literally no one asked you to”

little did you know that sungjin had the same problem

some of his classmates are interested in you but whenever they come to him he just says, “dont ask me i dont know anything and if i do i wont tell you”

this one sandeul guy has started asking you out and stuff

“ehhh youre so nice i’ll think about it!!”

you, immediately texting sungjin: ur friend sandeul ask me out what should i do

sungjin: do you like him tho

you: not really idk him yet

sungjin: just tell him your mom said no

you: damn nice

but this guy is so persistent and you gotta admit hes kinda cute and after a few tries you finally said yes to him

so you two went together and it was pretty fun

sungjin isnt too happy when he hears about it from sandeul

he asked you, “why didnt you tell me first?”

“well i dont think its a big deal. it was just a date anyway”

but you always told him everything

sungjin never speaks about it again

you go on another date with sandeul the week after

you tell sungjin later and he doesnt ask how it went

hes just “oh”

idk he’s kinda distant now, he rarely talks nor replies to your texts

he doesn't visit music club nor cooking club either so you don't see him often

have i told you im uncreative and all my aus are lame???

you think its probably because hes focusing for the finals, but even after it’s over sungjin doesnt really hang out with you or the band anymore like he only comes for practices and leaves right after

weirdly no one says anything about sungjin’s absence

but you cant stay quiet any longer and decide to ask dowoon whats wrong with sungjin

you shouldve known dowoon cant help much

“honestly i dont know either, maybe you should ask wonpil he’s sungjin’s roommate”

“but what if wonpil told sungjin”

“told sungjin what?”

“that i asked about him”

“asked him what?”

“...nevermind”

you asked younghyun

younghyun doesnt help either

“i dont know, just ask him yourself. i thought you were the closest to him??” why you so salty man

okay fine lets ask jae

“i’ll tell you for fifty bucks”

“dude im broke”

“then deal with it yourself”

you had no choice but to ask wonpil

“he’s just tired”

you know wonpil lied but this little shit refuses to tell anything

“please dont force me to answer i will cry really loudly and it’ll be embarrassing for the both of us”

why do you befriend them in the first place smh

oh youre right about wonpil telling sungjin that youre worried, and he does tell him to talk to you if he got something in mind

sungjins hesitant but in the end he only says, “no... its just that i didnt realize until recently that my little sister has grown up a lot”

“dear god wtf you sound like her grandma”

skip the boring part so uh a few more days passed awkwardly between you two and after your failed attempt at asking around you decide to confront sungjin in person

youre in the band practice room, the others are present, sungjin’s about to leave early as usual, and you find yourself jumping up your seat, “whats your problem with me?”

you know sungjin hates confrontation but you cant stand it anymore. you tried giving him time but if theres anything you seem to be more of a stranger to him

“i dont know what i did wrong and i wont know if you dont tell me, so let me know. i’ll listen and i’ll apologize if its my fault, but dont give me silent treatment like this. its so unlikely of you"

you can see sungjin clences his jaw as he replies calmly, "people change"

"you don't change, youre being childish. if you're mad you should talk about it. if you don't want me here you should tell me to go. if you don't like ME dating your friend you should tell me not to!!!"

drama much ryn

"youre your own person and you make your own choice, its your life and i cant keep telling you what to do or what not," and the end part kinda slips, "i don't hate you dating my friend or anyone, okay? im just not used yet to be a second person for you and im afraid youll get hurt"

"youre never?? a second person sungjin where does this idea even come from youre the only one for me i dont want anyone else???"

and suddenly there's a train of awkward coughs and you come back to your senses and you realize you're being watched

jae pretends to make a phone call, "mom pick me up im scared"

lame jae lame

dowoon mumbles, "can we,,, make an exit first before you two declare your undying love bc its privacy yanno"

you feel the heat spreading across your face as you open your mouth the same time as sungjin, both want to deny dowoon, but younghyun beats yall to it, "yeah you two are in love with each other we been know"

you and sungjin stares at each other, confused, "we don't???"

"oh honey,,, my dear,,, ive read enough sappy shit in writing club to see where this is going"

the conversation was cut there and neither of you bring it up again,

because the idea of you loving sungjin or sungjin loving you is so weird that you refuse to think about it, and so is for sungjin

but ever since that, sungjin has drastically come back to normal its almost hilarious, he spends a lot of time hanging out in the music club, practicing with the band, visiting the cooking club, making a joke here and there

sungjin is himself again with you, a caring dependable brother whom you come to whenever you need to talk or just hang out with and he always makes sure he has time for you

sap

you know hes always been like that but why does it feel different now??? the way he smiles or pulls your hand so youre walking on the inner side of the road,,, how he neatly places your spoon and chopsticks on a napkin when you two go out to eat together,,,, why

tender love baby chICKEN TENDER

mydayexol follow me

andddd so one day, someone asked you out. again.

wow ur so popular i cant Relate

you, texting sungjin: sandeuls friend jinyoung something invited me to a party next saturday should i come

sungjin, replying to you: hmm

you: ???

sungjin: i think its up to you

for some reason youre disappointed by his reply,,, but he’s right tho its your call if you wanna go then you go its not about what sungjin says

right?

right???

but suddenly you got another text: but if you ask for my opinion i would say don't go

you: actually i dont want to either lol so what should i say

sungjin: tell him you already have a date

you: nice

sungjin: with me

you: ayyeee

you: wait what

sungjin: i mean its just a suggestion

sungjin: which you can accept

sungin: or reject

for some reason you can imagine sungjin’s cheeky smile through his texts and it makes your inside tingles and you wanna giggle

so yea you thought it was a joke but he actually did take you out for a movie and dinner

it was really nice

so yanno the weird thing is that neither of you ask the other to be “official” but you just. are dating.

ur friends are mad like “bUT YOU SAID YOU TWO WERENT A THING”

“lol sry i changed my mind”

“fuck you”

“no thanks sungjin can do that... bUT DONT TELL SUNGJIN I SAID THAT hes gonna kill me”

“is he ur mom”

“basically yeah”

this sucks real bad but who cares

not me obviously

ill be back soon (or not) with dowoon’s one lets hope i can do better than this dnsjfsndfj lnjajnfdjs lmAO I LOVE YALL AND HAPPY NEW YEAR IN ADVANCE

#day6 #sungjin #park sungjin #day6 imagines #day6 scenarios #day6 fanfic #day6 reactions #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop reactions #im sorry sungjin #ive put this on hold for too long i already forgot what i wanted to write in the first place #bye

[hockeytrashgoblin]

High ~Part 10

A/N: This one is a long boi. Lots happens lol enjoy

"Babe? Some of the guys are going to be coming over later today if that's okay?"

"Yeah of course, love. They're always welcome."

"I just wanted to make sure."

"Why-oh! Auston's coming too right?"

"Yeah he is. He was whining that I only ever went to his house. I don't want you to be uncomfortable though."

"I'll just go out. I've got to do a bit of baby shopping anyway. I'll take Gray too. When are you expecting them?"

"In a bit. Like maybe 15 minutes before they start getting here?"

"Okay we'll go now then. Do you need anything while we're out?"

"Maybe some snacks? Sooooomebody ate all mine."

"Hey no fair I'm pregnant. I'm starving all the time." I pouted as he hugged me.

"Here I thought the big new kitchen would have enough food for us all."

"It doooes. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry baby. I don't really mind at all." He gave me a kiss before Gray started pulling my leg.

"Mommy I want to play."

"No baby we're going to the store now. Daddy's friends are coming over."

"I wanna stay." He pouted. I was so amazed at my little guy. Once he figured out words it was so fast to him talking in full sentences. He was one and a half now and on track to be fully understanding and talking by two. Much like me as a child. He was really smart.

"You can't stay, love. We'll be back soon and uncle Willy will be here to play with. Maybe uncle Freddie too." Mitch nodded to him and he finally agreed to go with me. We got to the store with little trouble and only one tantrum. 

"Do you want to pick out something for the babies Gray?"

"Yeah!"

"Okay buddy-boop, whatcha wanna get?"

"Hats!"

"That's a good idea. It'll still be pretty cold when they get here. What ones do you want to get?"

"The blue bears!"

"You're sure you want the blue ones?"

"Yeah! Blue like daddy."

"Okay sweet boy, blue it is."

I tried to stretch out the shopping as long as I could but I had a cranky toddler who needed a nap and would only sleep in his bed right now. A phase I didn't appreciate. I got to the house quickly thanks to GPS. I still didn't always remember how to get to the new house fast. I took Gray out of his car seat and just brought him inside without thinking. He had been screaming for 20 minutes and I just wanted him to nap. I didn't take into consideration that there were hockey players all over the living room that I had to walk through to get to the stairs to his bedroom. Including Auston who had still never even seen his son except in pictures from Mitch's insta but there wasn't very many on there. I didn't realize until everyone was staring at me and the boy.

"Hey guys sorry to interrupt." I just kept walking through.

"Mommy I wanna play with uncle Willie."

"After your nap Gray. Right now you need to sleep."

After I put him down for his nap I sat outside his door and cried. Mitch came up to check on me and he sat down next to me rubbing my back.

"I can't believe I was just so stupid. I brought Grayson right through in front of Auston. He's never seen him in person Mitch. I was just so tired of listening to a screaming sleepy baby that I brought him in."

"You're not stupid. This is your house and that's our son. If he didn't want to risk seeing him he could've just stayed home."

"I didn't want him to see him. He doesn't want to see him, hes going to think I did it on purpose."

"He won't." He brushed the hair our of my face and gave me a gentle kiss. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah I'm just frustrated. Probably hormones are playing a role too. Its dumb I'm sorry."

"Don't be baby. Do you want to come down and hangout with us?"

"No I think I'm going to have a nap."

"Okay you can come down anytime you want. Love you, have a good nap."

"Love you."

I ended up sleeping for about 30 minutes. I woke up to Gray jumping on me.

"Baby, why are you jumping? How did you get out of your crib?"

"I climbed. I wanted to be with you mommy."

"Aww my sweet boy come here." I lifted up the comforter and he crawled in cuddling up with me. "We'll have to get you a big boy bed soon."

"Okay."

"Go back to sleep for a little bit okay Gray?"

"Okay mommy. Goodnight."

"I love you."

"Love you."

I stayed awake for a while just soothing my baby and getting him back to sleep. Eventually I fell asleep too. I was woken up a little while later by Mitch.

"Morning sleeping beauty."

"Hi love, how long have I been out? Where's Gray?"

"Probably around 2 hours? He had been asleep to long so I woke him up and brought him downstairs. Auston already left with Morgan and Zach."

"Sorry I've been sleeping so much. I'm just so tired all the time."

"I know, it's okay. Your body is working hard to make two healthy babies."

"Yeah that's true." I said feeling my belly.

"I can't believe you're showing so much already. It took you so long to show with Grayson. Are you feeling them yet?"

"Yeah but it's just light. You won't be able to feel it yet."

"Damn it."

"Sorry baby."

"Says sorry as if it's her fault." He said rolling his eyes. "Come on let's go back downstairs and see the guys."

"Okay." I gave him a kiss before we made our way back down. "Hey guys!"

"Well look who could finally be bothered to come see me." William said sarcastically giving me a hug.

"I'm sorryyy. The twins have me so fucking tired all the time."

"Hows everything going?" Freddie asked from the floor building blocks with Gray.

"Its all going good. The babies are a little on the small side but they're healthy so it's okay."

"That's good I'm glad to hear it." He said with a small but genuine smile.

"Thanks I'm glad too."

"Do you know what you're having yet? Marns said you were finding out this time."

"We don't know yet." I saw Freddie get out his phone but I didn't really think much of it until Will spoke up.

"No you don't but I do." William said with laughter in his voice.

"What?! You know? They called?" I asked getting excited.

"Mhm."

"Well what are you waiting for tell me, tell me, tell me!"

"Mitch looks like he's gonna barf." Freddie laughed.

"Babe come here." I sat him down beside me. 

"How wild is it that I'm the only one who knows what you're having?"

"Willyyyy come on." I whined stomping my feet.

"Okay okay fine. Are you guys ready?"

"Yes for God sake!" Mitch said groaning.

"Okay so you're having another baby boy first off, and baby number two is a little girl."

"Oh my God!! Oh my God. Will for real?"

"Of course for real. I'm not about to lie." I ran up and hugged him and then went back to Mitch.

"Mitchie!!"

"Baby this is incredible. I'm so fucking happy." He held my face and gave me a kiss before lifting me into his arms and spinning me around. I started crying of course.

"Mitch this is so great. We get both."

"Stop crying you sweetheart, I'm going to cry." He kissed me again and wiped my eyes.

"Oh my God this is so awesome.. a little girl! And another boy! I'm so excited." I covered my eyes and started stomping my feet again in excitement.

"I'm so happy for you guys." Freddie said coming over and giving me a hug first then Mitch.

"Thank you Frederick. That means a lot." I said smiling wide.

"Thanks man." Mitch gave him a big hug.

"Cant believe you're going to have three kids soon. How do you feel man?"

"Excited. I'm so excited man. I can't believe I'm having two babies, let alone a boy and a girl. That's wild. Oh my God babe! We're having a girl!"

"I know lovey."

"God I'm not scary enough to have a daughter. Who's going to intimidate the guys trying to date her?"

"(Y/n)." William and Freddie said at the same time. Everyone laughed at the appalled look on Mitch's face. Even Grayson thought it was funny.

"Babe you've got a whole big bad team that can intimidate boys. Plus she's got two brothers. And you can be plenty scary when you want to be."

"Such a liar." Freddie said chuckling. "He literally got into a fight and hugged someone to the ground."

"Yeah but did I win though?" He asked getting worked up.

"Mitchie-"

"Babe no. Did I win though?"

"You did I guess in the broadest sense of the word." William said.

"No I won the fight. I didnt get hit and I got him to the ground. That's a win."

"If you say so."

"Ya know what? Fuck you guys."

"Fuck you guys." Gray repeated causing everyone to quiet down.

"Good going Marns." Freddie said trying to hold it together. William couldn't, he had to leave the room. I could still hear him laughing but I dont think Gray did. He did hear Mitch though.

"Fuck you." Grayson squealed laughing.

"Mitch cut it out." I said hitting the back of his head. He wouldn't stop at all and this is not what I wanted Grayson to start saying all the time and I felt a mad mood swing coming on. "Mitchell get out. Now."

"What?"

"Get. Out."

"Fine." He said scoffing at me and leaving.

"Grayson you come here." He came over and stood in front of me. "You don't say that anymore, you hear me?"

"Fuck you." He giggled but Freddie picked him up and sat him on his lap.

"Listen up bud. That's not a nice thing to say. It's mean."

"Daddy said it."

"Daddy was making a mean joke. You don't want to say mean things." I told him sternly.

"I want to say."

"Gray you listen to your mom. Who's the boss little man?"

"Mom's the boss."

"Right. So we're not gonna say that again right?"

"Right."

"If I hear that you're still saying it I'm gonna come back and we're gonna have to have a talk about listening to mom."

"Okay."

"Say sorry to your mom."

"I'm sorry mommy." He said coming over and giving me a hug.

"It's okay baby boy. I just don't want you saying those words. They're bad ones."

"I won't mommy."

"Good." 

The rest of the evening was spent with the guys. We all played out in the snow with Gray then we came inside and cooked dinner together. The night ended with us all watching spongebob with Grayson until he got tired. I put him up to bed and read him a story after saying bye to Willy and Fred.

All night Mitch had been off. I was worried about him and I was worried that it was my fault for yelling at him. I decided I'd have to talk to him but I wasn't sure he'd want to talk to me. I found him in our room sitting on the edge of the bed. I climbed in on my side and crawled over to him. I gave him a kiss on the shoulder.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier. I didn't mean to."

"It's okay babes."

"You seemed upset and I just wanted to apologize. It wasn't your fault that he repeated things."

"Do you think I'm a bad dad?"

"What? Mitch no!"

"Really?"

"Oh course hun. You're such a good dad to Grayson."

"But I made him swear."

"Mitchie anyone could've done that. We've all been swearing around him."

"What if I'm a bad dad to the twins?"

"You won't be. Love, where is this all coming from?"

"Auston and Zach where saying some off hand comments. Jokes probably. Some of them just really stuck with me."

"What did they say?"

"Just that I wasn't doing a good job basically. Aus was making fun of me for Grayson crying when you brought him in because I'm not raising him right. Zach said I was too young and dumb to have kids. He said I'd fuck em up. That we were stupid to go through with having the twins because it'll make my career harder."

"Okay new rule. Ya know who isn't allowed to ever critique your parenting? Auston fucking Matthews. You literally adopted his son and have been taking care of him so well his whole life. Auston ran away from me and pretty much never spoke to me again. As for Zach, he can fucking bite me. You aren't a bad parent and you aren't going to fuck them up. Our twins are going to love you with just as much intensity as Grayson."

"Thank you (y/n). You always know just what to say."

"I don't know what impact it'll have on your career and I'm sorry I was so selfish as to not think of that."

"What? No dont apologize for that. I thought of that." He said rubbing my arm that was around him. "I thought a lot about that before I brought up having another baby. I don't see how it would effect my career negatively. Or really at all."

"Maybe they're thinking concentration and stuff?"

"I don't know but this whole season you've been pregnant and we've had Gray for a season and a half before this. I've played my best hockey this year."

"I know I'm so proud of you." I said kissing him.

"I just want to have a big happy family. And it's not like I'm leaving it just to you to raise them. I'm just as involved. And it's not like I'm ditching the guys either. I just don't get it."

"Don't get upset about it baby." I leaned back and brought him back so he was laying on my crossed legs. I started running my fingers through his hair. He sighed in content and closed his eyes. 

"It's just hard."

"Maybe they're just jealous."

"Why would they be?"

"Well I mean just look at you. You've got love, a beautiful family, twins on the way, you're playing better hockey than them, you have a house of your own. What's not to be jealous of?"

"I guess. I'm just really bothered that my best friends would say that kind of stuff about me. I love you guys so much and I just try so hard to show it every day."

"You do show it every day Mitch. You've shown it every day since we found out I was pregnant with Grayson. You're the most loving person I've ever met."

"I just want to do a good job."

"You do, you will. We can do it together."

"I love you so much."

"I love you Mitchie." The babies kept moving around as we were talking and I decided to try and distract him. "Hey love, do you want to see if you can feel the babies?"

"Are they kicking?" He asked excitedly turning over to face me.

"Yeah pretty hard actually."

"Where? Where are they kicking?"

"There's one down here. And the other is over here." I said moving each hand to the spots on my stomach.

"Alright babies kick me. I wanna feel it. I want to feel you move." He spoke to my belly and they started kicking.

"Do you feel it?"

"Shh I'm trying to concentrate."

"Pfft good luck." I said running my hand through his hair again laughing at the look he gave me.

"Stop moving."

"Sorry." I stopped and just sat quietly.

"Was that them?" He asked after a hard kick.

"I felt it over here for sure."

"Me too." He said smiling. "There's one of my babies. Finally. I didn't think they'd ever want me to feel them."

"Oh come on lovey, you knew they'd be felt eventually."

"Yeah I did. Come on other baby, get me." We stayed like that for a while waiting but he didn't feel it again which bummed him out.

"Mitchy it's okay you'll feel them both soon."

"I know I will. After Gray goes to bed I'm gonna sit here with you for hours just holding you and being kicked."

"Gonna take your baby bump naps again?" I asked wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Oh fuck yes. I loved those so much during the beginning of the season. I felt so close to you and Gray that way. It's the closest I could get connection wise since I can't feel them all the time."

"Awe babe, you can feel for them any time you'd like. And take your naps. You can do whatever you need to to feel connected to the babies."

"Can we pick out baby names?"

"What right now?"

"Yes why not? We already know the girl's gonna be Marly right?"

"Yeah I was thinking of giving her my mom's middle name Dawn too but I'm up for discussion on that."

"Marly Dawn Marner. I like it."

"Me too. Do you have any boy names in mind?"

"I don't know. I was kind of throwing around a few."

"Tell me."

"Okay these are just a few that I like. Andrew, Lucas, and Dexter."

"Aaww Dexter it so cute!"

"Yeah I liked it." He said with a shy smile while rubbing his neck.

"Don't do that. You look hot and I'm going to get so distracted."

"Oh my God whatever. Do you have any names?"

"I've been liking Toby. I also like Lucas. Josh, Kyle, Ethan too. I like Ethan."

"Those are cool."

"Now that you've said Dexter though I'm really liking Dexter."

"Well we've got time to decide still. We're only halfway there."

"You've got a point." I gave him a kiss before we laid down and he tried feeling for the babies some more.

#hockey #hockey story #hockey imagine #maple leafs #maple leaf imagine #leafs #mitch marner #mitch x reader

[helenaklein]

Helena Klein Had Nothing To Prove

"As Aang chose to not kill Ozai so his soul would remain pure, Helena chose to not kill the Witch Queen because she didn’t want to kill anyone anymore"

maybe such an argument would make sense had helena sworn a vow of nonlethal violence as aang had, so that the final decision spoke moreso to the fulfullment of and lasting commitment to an ongoing arc despite the wishes of others, rather than a last minute change that rings hollow when up until the very final confrontation, helena had been killing generals soldiers and cultists. aang's decision was built. it was a decision he was always going to make because it aligned with his actions throughout the series. it proved that not even hatred of his greatest enemy could override his convictions.

but helena? helena, despite her distaste for war and her knowledge that she is so much more than a weapon, never once refrained from killing the people that needed to die, and the people that hurt her. lennox? jinhai? magnus? she didn't even feel completely sorry for killing everyone in her village, angels compared to the witch queen, because of how awful they were to her.

they could have led to this in a satisfactory way, absolutely. but they didn't. had she made it a point to dispose of the generals without killing them, as was done on at least one occasion in both altea and iseul's route, there would have been some precedent, some indication of a desire to avoid killing even in the most severe circumstances. but that is not what happened. that is not where this arc was ever leading.

"and she knew that death was not a punishment to Witch Queen. Honestly, what’s the point of killing her if she’s ready for death, welcoming it ?"

as others have said, it's not about a fitting punishment. the idea of ""punishment"" at all has never been brought to the table in this route. no one cared up until that final moment about punishing the witch queen. they wanted to secure a lasting peace for the realm. they wanted people to be safe from her. punishment is completely outside the realm of what they were concerned with. again, had it been brought up beforehand, perhaps i could have accepted it as an explanation. it wasn't.

"she wasn’t as strongly connected to the LI and her link to MC was barely developped in the other routes. In the end, she was just the physical manifestation of evil that the heroes needed to defeat in order to achieve peace."

blatantly and egregiously incorrect on a basic factual level. "wasn't as strongly connected to the li" literally are you joking? ALAIN? SAERYS? they were connected in different ways, absolutely, and helena had a much more personal nightmare in the witch queen than some others. but to suggest that made her an entirely different monster in helena's route? when alain endured much of the same as what helena did, and saerys was the sole surviving member of a genocide orchestrated by the witch queen? laughable. not to mention the relationship between mc and the witch queen was much more developed in almost all of the other routes than it was in helena's. we knew exactly what mc was, what she was created for, who she was in a past life, the purpose her existence served on a cosmic, in the other routes in relation to the witch queen. in helena's? not so much.

you cannot look me in the eye and tell me honestly that it made more narrative sense for reiner "mercy" wolfson and altea "managed to avoid killing the generals" bellerose to kill the witch queen than it would have for helena to completely and utterly destroy the monster whose mere distant existence clouded her every waking moment the entire series.

"Hell, Helena’s natural magic is about draining things and people around her, THAT’S the reason she believed she was a monster for so long !"

helena's so far past internal resentment of her natural magic that she relied on it for the entirety of the siege on the witch queen's castle, used it to evade her trap's, and literally used that very same magic the take the witch queen's. she knows it's not monstrous. she knows the witch queen, her mother, her village, the soldiers were all wrong. it's just power. suggesting that use of it to kill a literal actual monster would have erased that and turned her into a monster as well is foolish and regressive.

"So what do you think Helena would have felt if she killed the Witch Queen ? Happiness ? Relief ?"

partially, yes. her reaction would have been the mixture of confusing but valid emotions that she already had. next question.

"At proving her abuser right one last time ?! Seriously ?!"

helena klein. had absolutely nothing. to prove. to the witch queen.

she had NOTHING. to prove. she was ALREADY better than her. she was ALREADY more than a weapon. she knows it. she believes it, and has for seasons now. taking the witch queen's life was never EVER going to make her into the witch queen, it was never going to prove her right.

i literally cant believe in 2019 following the wide release one the most empowering scenes of all time involving the point blank statement "I have nothing to prove to you" after a villain's attempt to manipulate the hero into reining her power in and giving him a fighting chance you would come out with such bullshit lmao fuck you.

"And you wanted Helena to do what ? Give the Witch Queen one last opportunity to rub it in Helena’s face that, up until the end, she did nothing but kill ? That she doesn’t know how to do anything else ?"

that's literally what the witch queen already did. she mocks helena as she stabs herself with helena's blades. "you will not walk away from me with your hands unstained, helena klein" is what she says before killing herself. having helena actually kill her would have granted her no more of an opportunity to "rub it in her face" than what the witch queen already took.

again, and i cannot stress this enough. HELENA. KLEIN. HAD. NOTHING. TO. PROVE.

she KNOWS she can do more. everyone that cares about her already knows that. and absolutely nothing about securing safety for her world with absolute certainty could have stained or taken away from that, despite this asinine moralizing.

"Of course Helena wouldn’t kill Witch Queen, because if she did, it would break her. She would have regretted it for the rest of her life."

NO SHE WOULD NOT HAVE. ARE YOU KIDDING. helena didn't even express complete remorse for destroying her village. she's expressed NO regret killing jinhai, magnus, and lennox because of their hand in hurting mc and looking the other way or laughing as the witch queen beat her like an animal.

"She would have never had a chance to prove, to her and to others, that she can win without killing."

say it with me:

HELENA KLEIN HAD NOTHING TO PROVE

"It was her goal all along, to make Helena feel awful with herself for the rest of her life."

great! and she died believing she succeeded! so what was the point.

"Helena gets to live knowing that she is more than a killer, that she doesn’t need to kill to win a fight, that she is better than what the Witch Queen made her out to be. And that is priceless"

I don't know how many times i need to reiterate this but HELENA. ALREADY. KNOWS. an eleventh hour extension of a bloodless end was never going to change that. the confidence she has in herself and the self worth she's established over the course of her route was never going to be taken away from her. it can't be. your take is worth pocket lint and an old gum wrapper, go home.

"she didn’t have the option of making Helena feel awful about it or herself"

she literally did though like she spent her dying breath laughing and smiling thinking she'd fuck helena over one last time. for someone so confident in the strength of the writing in this decision it sure seems you don't know what actually happened.

"throwing her own dignity to the wind... not still cloaked in her dignity"

funny you should mention dignity because helena quite literally tries to offer her that. she tries to tell her it's still intact. let me say that again: they made helena try to extend that shred of kindness to the woman who beat and raped her for years.

"she ran away"

yes exactly you're almost getting it. SHE GOT TO RUN AWAY. after everything she's done. SHE. CHOSE. SHE DIED BY HER OWN HAND WITH A SMILE ON HER FACE THINKING SHE'D GOTTEN THE LAST WORD.

fuck that! it SMELLS.

"the world is going to forget her anyway"

the absolute last thing you want after overthrowing a tyrant is for the world to forget. that's how history is repeated. that's how similar, future cruelty goes unchecked and unrecognized. for helena to say she wants the world to forget the witch queen? it's so, wildly, heartbreakingly disappointing and out of character, given how much she's stressed over and over again her own personal need to remember in order to properly honor what happened before.

helena wanted freedom from the witch queen, and safety for the world she once helped tear apart. willingly forsaking the certainty of those goals that would come with the witch queen's death with the intent to deal out a more worthy punishment for is unacceptable and not helena. at all.

anyway, the witch queen's death sucked, thanks for playing!

#text #lvstrck #long post #this isnt even all i have to say about it. god. #bad bad bad bad move period.