#i changed his personality a bit so he's less naive now and suffer less | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stromuprisahat · 2 years

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First, he’s the only person fighting for Grisha and Ravka both. Later the only one with viable plan and willingness to literally tear out parts of himself to defend them:

He understood then. The Grisha lived as shadows did, passing over the surface of the world, touching nothing, forced to change their shapes and hide in corners, driven by fear as shadows were driven by the sun. No safe place. No haven. There will be, he promised in the darkness, new words written upon his heart. I will make one.

The Demon in the Wood

“I think you understand me now. There are no Ravkans, no Fjerdans, no Kerch, no Shu Han. There are no more borders, and there will be no more wars. From now on, there is only the land inside the Fold and outside of it, and there will be peace.”

Shadow and Bone- Chapter 22

“You mourn the people killed in Novokribirsk,” the Darkling continued, “the people lost to the Fold. But what of the thousands that came before them, given over to endless wars? What of the others dying now on distant shores? Together, we can put an end to all of it.”

Siege and Storm- Chapter 23

“My name is Aleksander Morozova, but I have had a hundred names and I have committed a thousand crimes. I am not sorry. I do not repent! All I did, I did for Ravka, and now, I do this too. For Ravka!”

Rule of Wolves- Chapter 48 (shortened), when he volunteers to suffer for the rest of eternity in order to keep his world whole- a deed usually performed by heroes of the story

He’s realistic. He’s seen so much shit, he lacks “heroes’” naive ideals:

“Why do you have such disdain for otkazat’sya?”

“Not disdain. Understanding.”

“They’re not all fools and weaklings.”

“What they are is predictable,” he said. “The people would love you for a time. But what would they think when their good king aged and died, while his witch of a wife remained young? When all those who remember your sacrifices are dust in the ground, how long do you think it will take for their children or their grandchildren to turn on you?”

His words sent a chill through me. I still couldn’t get my head around the idea of the long life that lay ahead of me, that yawning abyss of eternity.

“You never considered it, did you?” said the Darkling. “You live in a single moment. I live in a thousand.” Are we not all things?

Ruin and Rising- Chapter 9

He loves his people. Grisha and otkazat’sya alike:

“Where are the students?” I gritted out.

“They aren’t here.”

“What did you do to them?”

“They’re safe and sound back in Kribirsk. Probably having their lunch.” His nichevo’ya circled around us, forming a perfect, protective dome that shifted and writhed—wings, talons, hands. “I knew the threat would be enough. Did you really believe I would endanger Grisha children when we’ve lost so many?”

Ruin and Rising- Chapter 17

Aleksander should be glad of that faith, that all it had taken was a bit of shadow play to get these people to march into a war with him. So why was he left uneasy?

Will you protect them?

He could. He would if need be. His powers had returned to him. He could form nichevo’ya to fight on his behalf. His pilgrims could enter the field with picks and shovels and they would still emerge victorious.

And yet, his mind was troubled.

Rule of Wolves- Chapter 33

I’m sure you’re no hypocrite and you fight as ardently against other mortal/immortal ships as you do against the Darkling stans... but in case you’re truly interested, the appeal of Darklina isn’t about wanting to fuck each other (the lust is canonically mutual), but the potential of “two sides ot the same coin” ship.

Even as the enemy, the Darkling wants Alina to become her true self, reach her full potential. Even when she’s against him, he admires her.

“Back to pretending to be less than you are, I see. The sham doesn’t suit you.”

Siege and Storm- Chapter 1

“I’ve seen what you truly are,” said the Darkling, “and I’ve never turned away. I never will. Can he say the same?”

Siege and Storm- Chapter 23

“There are two thrones on that dais. You could see me anytime you liked.”

“You’re offering me a crown? After I tried to kill you?”

He shrugged again. “I might have done the same.”

“I doubt it.”

“Not to save that motley of traitors and fanatics, no. But I understand the desire to remain free.”

Ruin and Rising- Chapter 3

As you can see, @royal-jester , his sex-appeal plays no part in our affections, though it’s a lovely bonus.

In case you’re not interested in both-sided constructive discussion, or you’re happy to buy what the narrative’s selling- simplified pseudoromance, where fictional genocide is treated like background noise...

Please, tag your anti posts properly.

It’s called basic human decency.

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angievores · 2 years

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PETE and TRAUMA(a little bit about pete mentality)

here seeing this reaction of pete many people are assuming that he likes violence and is dark and twisted like Vegas. But there is more to it. Both Vegas and pete uses smiles as facade but Vegas hides his weakness, slyness and pain while pete hides his trauma(I'll get to it later). Now why pete didn't even flinched because

1)he has either seen Or suffered something more horrible than this. Either this scene was very familiar to him or nothing as compared to what he has gone through.

2)he is mentally very strong because of something happened in his past

3)he is intrigued and this reaction is related to masochism as many people are saying ( I don't have in depth idea of bdsm so I'll talk more about his probable emotional relationship with Vegas)

There's a dialogue as "Dont scare someone to the point that he would even forget how to be scared anymore" seems to describe pete's mentality. He seems to me a very broken character who hides his pain behind his smile.At the same time a mentally very strong person who decided to pick up his pieces and survive.

Now let's talk about how probably he came into this line of work. According to kim bodyguards are either specifically qualified (ex soldier or mercenary) or raised by korn. But pete doesn't seem to be very qualified (his vibe is different from big, ken, arm, pol and match more second family bodyguards). And he isn't raised by korn.In fact it seems he has a pretty normal childhood away from any mafia background with a clear sense of right or wrong like in black and white, where he played with his friends (as indicate in his dialogue of fighting with friends to play superhero after watching movies). For a moment let's talk about his expression in this scene

he seems to reminiscing happiness he has while playing with his friends. Those were very normal days of his life and last time he was truly happy without any burdens

he seems to be mocking himself (that he fought to play hero, to strive for justice, rights and helping others ) for being so naive

this time he seems sad and reminiscing the incident that changed his world

here he shows resentment and anger towards this world which denied him justice or wronged him which forced him to come to this conclusion

I think he has been taken by korn in more or less in the same way as porsche. In fact either kinn Or most probably korn has saved him from some hell like situation or did a life saving favour on him. That's why he vows absolute loyalty to them. He was a very good person but when was wronged and denied justice, korn was the only person who helped him. Now paying him back seems the most right, even if it means doing others wrong. He seems to me one of the most trusted person and second in command after chan(in ep 7 he can order big to stop and is obviously above arm who has access to weapons and phone). He is still a good person and won't hurt anyone otherwise but doing anything in favor of main family is his priority. He takes work very seriously and cares about discipline and rules but otherwise is a clumsy person.

But when you look at his eyes and smile when porsche complains to him about the lifestyle there, it says this is not something of major concern for him because whatever the situation is,it is much more times better than what he was into and that there are other important things to be dealt with.

His smile express him like when people complain to him about bruises when he has stab wounds. (2nd pic) .He has dealt with harsh reality very early in youth. Also about the endearing smile he give to porsche mostly shows maybe porsche reminds him of his past self. (He has many different kinds of smiles that I can do a whole meta on them)

Now the question is what could be that incident or trauma? Did he witness his parents murder or something? Was he kidnapped by a serial killer before?I watched if the show gave us any hints about it. Here are the incindences when Pete is alerted

sudden intimacy (look at his hands trying to cover himself) , he suddenly found porsche very close to him. Porsche and his reaction is complete opposite.

Sudden touch by stranger (he didn't see it coming) and Vegas is very unfamiliar to him

sudden appearance (very close) ,sudden touch and condom(his soul left his body in the whole interaction here) ( he didn't expected anything of that sort happening) but he was comfortable with pretending to make out with pol which he himself initiated. Plus his and pol reaction to condom was very different. Pol even asked him why he screamed so loudly.

I don't know what was that bodyguards deal but he did made pete very uncomfortable (on a sidenote look at arm getting foodgasm , he must be saidraised by korn so never served unhealthy food)

Here too Vegas appears suddenly and stands closer and proposes to take him to his room and comes very close. pete isn't comfortable with Vegas coming into his personal space at all and touching him. He really wanted to break off here. His body language is very tensed.

also when kinn and Porsche caught him half naked in his room (but that was pretty normal reaction in fact most of the above ones too in some way)

I don't know what to make of these incidences. One thing is clear he has very strong sense of personal space and don't like anyone to come very close to him. He doesn't like any unfamiliar touches and gazes and the ones that aren't initiated by him

Maybe he is scared of Vegas but he was pretty comfortable in doing missions with him in ep 7. Even questioned him about his plan about torturing casino guy, was alone with him while escorting drug dealer to don and pretty comfortable. In ep 5 when he comes for Porsche that time too he didn't showed any discomfort

Maybe because Vegas caught him spying so nervous laugh then what about main family dining table scene

Some people say he is affected by Vegas sex appeal (maybe true or maybe not)

All these scenes have one thing in common ,unfamiliar physical touches and gazes.Is his trauma related to physical touch or torcher? I don't know.This must be an overanalysation

I take it as he is just sexually closed off. And he doesn't like any sort of unwanted physical intimacy or sudden touches especially from Vegas who comes off very quietly and pries into his personal space very much even when they have no significant interactions. When Vegas captures him I think he would prefer to be tortured to death than any, even little bit sexual touch from him or maybe he'll surprise us by another side.

Maybe all of it just means he hides an another actual side of him and doesn't want anyone to know but Vegas keeps on coming quietly and catch him off guard so he always fails in front of him and gives off fake smile. Vegas will uncover something that no one has idea of, not even audience and that seems something painful to me.

But he does have a very sad, heart wrenching backstory. His eyes says it all.The show will tell us later . Something that will make Vegas feel that his problems are not all, even pete has same darkness but still carries light with him, and is still able to keep his original self alive.

I also wanna talk little bit about his reaction when drug dealer was in jail and he refused to help. Pete seemed somewhat angry there. I think it was just him taking work seriously. Or does he have something against drug dealers. I don't know but he does have no sense of right or wrong when it comes to deal with main family business.we still have more to uncover from this character. But I still believe outside of work he is good.

It got so long , I have to study but I can't get them out of my head. Please suggest if you have another opinions.

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #vegaspete #pete kinnporsche #kinnporsche meta

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dreamkidddream · 3 years

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Eternity || Vampire!Lucifer

This literally came in right before I closed the poll and i just had to write it 😳 if Lucifer wasn’t a demon he would definitely be like a modern day Dracula I swear (and he would be SO FINE with his fangs UGH let me stop 😩) reader is gender neutral!

Dream’s Spooktober 2021

“Did you enjoy yourself tonight, dear?”

“Oh of course, Lucifer! This night has just been- wow. You really go all out for these dates!”

He let out a deep chuckle at your starry expression and felt his chest puff up a bit. You’ve never been a difficult person to please, even after all these years, but he still swelled with pride knowing that he’s the reason for your smile right now. “Well of course. You expected less from me?”

“Hmmm, weeeeelll-”

The pinch to your side showed that he didn’t really appreciate your comment (even if the little squeak you let out amused him), but you just let out a laugh, “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I guess you’re not too bad.” You tried to hide your smile from behind your hand, but couldn’t stop the string of giggles that escaped your lips (the same ones that makes him feel alive again). Even if he wanted to, he knows that he can’t pretend to stay mad at you, if the waning scowl on his face is any proof.

He’s not surprised at your antics however, already used to your mischievous ways (that may or may not have rubbed off on him in a way). You’ve always been like that, and no matter how much he would complain and try to reprimand you, he wouldn’t wish for you to change at all. You’re far too captivating, and he notices everything, no matter how insignificant it seems. He knows how you scrunch your nose up when you’re confused, how your voice gets higher the more irritated you get, how you love basking in the warmth of the sun and the pout you would give when you realized he wouldn’t be joining you, or rather that he can’t join you. He remembers everything, the memories that you two created together circling through his mind every time his eyes close.

Not that he expects you to remember any of it.

But he has no one to blame but himself for that.

You see, Lucifer prides himself on being a more than amazing lover for you, going above and beyond just to see that bright sparkle in your eyes and a smile to match. He would do anything for you if it guaranteed your safety. After all, if his undead heart would beat, it would beat solely for you. But those wretched villagers, that damned pastor- he knew that they were devious, up to no good, the true evil that they themselves would preach about. But he was too late to stop them, too late to save you.

He held you as you took your last breaths, bleeding onto his bare hands, gloves long forgotten. For once the all powerful Lucifer was scared, as his fear of losing you was coming true right in front of him.

He should have turned you then, bite into his wrist and feed you his blood so that you wouldn’t have to face this- that he wouldn’t have to face this reality. But he couldn’t force himself to be selfish fast enough, as your dying words rang in his ears.

“We will meet in another life, my love…I promise you. Promise me that- that you’ll live on until then…”

And he swore to uphold that promise as he gave you one last kiss, until he finds you once more. “I love you MC, truly and deeply.”

And now that he’s finally found you, after centuries of searching and suffering alone, he won’t let you go again.

You don’t know it, but he’s practicing a great deal of self control right now. Granted it shouldn’t come as a surprise that he is, he’s not some sort of beast, you know. But now that you’re finally in his presence and rightfully so, he wants you. All of you, body and soul.

Even now, as his hand rests on the small of your back, he’s guiding you back home. Back to your shared home, where he plans on making you his, forever. The transformation can be a rather painful one, but it’s for the best, and he’ll be there for you every step of the way. He feels as if there is no other choice, and he’ll be there to comfort you and help you get adjusted. He’ll even get you your first meal, anything to make sure that you’re taken care of.

He was foolish enough to let you slip through his fingers once, he won’t make the same mistake twice. Now that fate has given him a second chance, he would be a fool to waste it. Surely you would understand, yes? You may object at first, but you’ll remember over time. He’ll be there to help remind you.

He still can’t believe that even now, you still have this hold over him. A mere mortal, having an immortal vampire, a creature of the night, fall so deeply in love with them. He has to laugh every time the thought crosses his mind. If this was centuries ago back at the castle, he would never voice this thought aloud, lest he face the wrath of your teasing and he knows that he wouldn’t be able to live that down.

But that doesn’t mean that his statement doesn’t hold truth. Lucifer loves and cherishes you deeply, and now he’ll have an eternity of doing so.

“Hm, Luci? Where are we going?”

Ah, he even missed hearing you say that nickname.

“To stop by my place. There is something I wish to tell you. Is there an issue?”

“You sure you wanna do it tonight? I know I’ve been taking up your time recently, and I feel kinda bad about it-”

Lifting your chin ever so delicately, he gazed directly into your eyes. And when he licked his lips, he looked downright sinful.

Oh, even now you’re still that naive human he fell for. Cute honestly, and it was just making him anticipate the later plans even more.

“My love, we have nothing but time together. You’ll see soon enough.”

#obey me x reader #obey me reader insert #obey me lucifer x reader #lucifer x reader #om! lucifer x reader #obey me lucifer #vampire x reader #vampire lucifer #dream’s spooktober 2021 🎃

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luimagines · 3 years

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In lieu of what happened yesterday with Wolfie... may I raise you with Bunny Legend?

He despises the form. Why, of all the things he could have been, had to be a bunny? A tiger or even a dog would have been better than that a fluffy, weak... pink mammal! It's not fair that Twilight get a cool one instead of him, which is completely stupid since he is one of the oldest, and far more seasoned in salt of the group. On top of that, how dare he stealing your attention like that!? How is he supposed to make a move if Twilight is always hanging around you as Wolfie? He wants you to be the only one to hear how he feels about you...

...And, maybe, is also because he is terrified of you turning him down, the ache in his heart would be worse than a stab with Twilight watching him get rejected...

But this is why he have been named as the "Veteran" and not something else; he has dealt with a lot of situation before with far less objects at his reach to help him, but he always manages to get through it. He's very cunning and is quick to think on his feet...

...Or at least, almost all of the time he is. Erring is most common when you aren't at your most calm, isn't it?

Legend admits that he acted out of desperation: you had him at his wits end! But it's hard to feel frustrated with himself when you are nuzzling your face on top of his head, little squeaks of happiness and a high pitch voice while you baby talked to him, gussing about his very soft fur and really cute vest. You even called him handsome! You never do that when he is in his human form, you don't even spare him a glance when he rolls his sleeves, making a big of a show of flexing his arms, stretching out and pushing out his chest and arms back, all so you can see how muscular he, too, is. But the only thing you do is oogle at Twilight-- as if he isn't enough of a menace to him-- and that idiot of Mr. Captain when they wrestle together, shirtless. He just wants your pretty eyes on him, those plump lips, cherry from how you are bitting them, shamelessly devouring the two men with your gaze...

...Ugh, just pay attention to him, okay!? He will shower you with all the love and adoration you deserve and more! So please, direct that intensity to him, and only him.

A poke to his furrowed brows broke him out of his mind. Legend cautiously looks up at you. He mentally kicks himself as he is met with your worried eyes, the last thing he wanted was for you to feel any type of negative emotions, so that glint spurred him on rubbing his furred cheek on your free open palm, wanting to change the expression out of your face. It seem to work, you opened your eyes more and even giggled a little before scratching under his chin with two of your fingers.

"Got lost for a second there, buddy?" You whisper. Even if your tone was soft, the vibrations travelled from your chest pressed against the back of his small form engulfing it in a warm and pleasant feeling.

Legend closed his eyes and let all of his weight rest on you, not that you minded, of course. Being the sunshine that you are, you giggled cutely once more and tugged him closer to you, to the point of almost being curled around him. It was a rare sensation; he felt protected for once instead of being the one providing said feeling, he must admit that it was quite comforting, but Legend will forego ever feeling like this again in exchange of you being safe forever, you will always be his priority.

"Hmm..." you pecked his head. "Y'know, you remind me of someone that I like a lot"

His long ears fell flat on either side of his head as his heart stilled.

Like a lot...?

You... already have someone that you hold dear?

You seem to miss how his body grow stiff between your arms as you continued in drowning him in affection. What used to be a delightfull experience, now, it hurts him more than any wound he have ever sustained in his life, more than any burn from fire lizards or the cold, prickly bite of exhaustion of his tired body as he dragged himself through every and more corners of Hyrule.

Your hands played with the small tuff of fur on his head, but Legend's mind was far too gone to properly feel the touch. In its place, his heart dropped and shattered, somehow still beating as he felt the fastening Thumping in his stomach. How foolish and naive of him, to ever believe that he got an opportunity with you. Even the people that you two are travelling with can barely stand him, and they are supposed to be the same person.

Is he really that despicable?

"It's actually funny."

Funny how stupid he is, isn't he?

"He came back a few nights ago, very upset."

Well, that guy clearly doesn't now a thing about suffering. He isn't the one getting his heart demolish while in the arms of the love of his life like him.

You pinched the tip of his left ear and softly lifted it up. "He came back with his hair the same shade of pink that you have! In my opinion" you lean down a Little, as if you were about to share a secret "He looks very cute like that. A shame He will never let me say that to his face..."

Pink? Like the rose tinted glasses he have been wearing all this time-- Uh? Hair?

Are you... Please, don't give him hope like that. He can't take another loss in his life, because if you don't mean it, he would be devastated for good.

He felt your body shifting a little before you let go of him to instead hook your hands under his armpits, slowly lifting him up then turning around his body so now the two of you can be face to face. His tiny nose twitched as you leaned in a poked the tip of your own nose to his pink one, rubbing a little before you leaned back again. Legend layed his pawns on top of your chest, eagerly following your movements when he saw you opening your mouth to continue, he didn't want to miss anything that you are about to say:

"He is a big dork, with an even bigger ego. Very handsome too and... Ugh, Legend, why you have to be such a cactus all the time?" You finished with a tinge of frustration in your voice.

In a normal scenario, he would have argued about that last statement, but he couldn't because of two good reasons: one, he is still in his dark world form, it would be very weird if this bunny you found in the Forrest acted as if it was personally insulted by your words. And second...

You actually like him.

Him, With all of his flaws and bad attitude, you still found and assigned a space in your heart for only him, Legend.

Just as how down he got, his spirit raised up again with vigor, his heart soared from the dark pit of grief that held it a couple of minutes ago taking its rightful place at the peak of the shrine dedicated to your whole being. He didn't even noticed that his skin was ice cold until a burst of heat shot from his feet to the tip of his ears that acted as a catalyst as he threw himself towards your chest, his body felt light as a feathe, he tried his best to fight off the desire to laugh or shout out this waves of overwhelming energies.

Oh, how your chuckles were like the tunes from the most rich instrument in the entire universe being played by the goddesses themselves, more revitalizing than any potion or fairy pond.

"Do you think I should say something, buddy?" You returned his hug.

Legend furiously nodded his head, not think if it will appear weird that he could understand you. You squeezed the tiny bunny between your arms before putting him at arms length:

"Thank you, buddy. Somehow, now I have the confidence to talk to that prickly bitch--"

"--A PRICKLY WHAT???"

...Uh oh.

Even the common noises of the Forrest fell silent at his outburst.

Legend didn't had a second to try and amend his mistake as, suddenly, his vision was thrown into a spiral; everything looked blurry and the wind on his fur was a clear indicator of how hard you launched him away from you. He felt slightly proud at you quick reaction time but...

...No amount of fur can soften the crash on the hard forrest floor, just his luck that he didn't fell on the conveniently batch of dry leaves right beside him. It hurt, not as how bad his heart was hurting, but painful nonetheless.

He just really hopes you won't tell the group about the weird, pink bunny that can talk, or else he won't ever heard the end of it from Sky and Twilight.

-----------

AND IT'S DONE CKSKFJEJCUC IT TOOK ME A LOT OF TIME JUST TO SAY "Legend tried to pull a Twilight and got yeeted out of existence"

I think that Legend has self esteem problems! With what happened in A Link to the past, it's hard to overcome a whole nation hating your guts when you only wanted to help.

You really just said "If no one will provide me with Legend simpage, I'll do it myself"

I'm grinning so much right now. I ended up biting my lip a bit harder than I intended to because I almost screamed at the end when he finally spoke up.

The whole time I was like "But Legend can speak? Why is that not- Oh that's why."

Also, describing how Legend tries to peacock as he stretches to catch the Reader's attention *chef's kiss*.

#pinky replies #You can't do this to me #not like this

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highladyluck · 2 years

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Thoughts on WoT on Prime!Mat

I promised I would write it! Spoilers for episodes 1-3 but only the vaguest of spoilers for books 1-3, should probably be safe for show-only people.

So, the Mat backstory changes all made sense to me in terms of revealing up front what kind of person Mat is and what his motivations are. I think the writers have a really good grasp on what makes book!Mat tick, and are basically presenting us with their findings in these first few episodes, and working backwards from those to add motivations and backstory that make those character traits obvious and logical.

For one thing, Mat’s inner anxiety is a lot more obvious now, but you do not have the advantage of hearing his inner monologue (plus Mat lies to himself even in his head) so it kind of had to be more obvious. In the opening scene where Mat's playing dice you are essentially watching him have fun, and then you realize he lost with high stakes. Then you see him fail to shrug it off convincingly, be humiliated in front of his friends, and pragmatically switch to plan B (stealing with an implied side of attempted-seduction-as-method). It's such a great look into how Mat's mind works and his somewhat ruthless pursuit of self-interest (or really, the interest of others who are his responsibility). He shrugs aside the cost, either to him or to others he cares about less.

It also helps you see a clear picture of what kind of person he is and what his many-layered motivations are. Immediately, you see Mat identifying with and also protecting children, which is something he does in the books. His face when he realizes he's going to have to go through an active battlefield to get to his sisters is just "Oh boy, can't believe I'm gonna do this, but I'm definitely doing this." It clearly demonstrates his heroism and how it's just an outgrowth of his strong sense of responsibility, and also not a trait he particularly enjoys having.

His issues with his parents also set up his fear of unconsciously channeling the habits of his ancestry (although in the books it's a much earlier relative and/or past life that freaks him out, not a deadbeat dad or drunk mom.) The poverty also gives him an actual concrete reason to be chasing after shiny things and pricing everything in his head. Like, in the books he just spent a lot of time with traders and merchants' guards, and you see he's got a relationship with Padan Fain, but the poverty gives him a more obvious reason to be obsessed with money and also extremely defensive about his social status. Book!Mat grew up comfortably middle class and is just annoyed at abuses of power/non-egalitarian treatment, but I don't mind 'obviously has a chip on his shoulder about status and finances' Mat, it will make his later opinions about spoiled nobles more understandable.

Also, when Natti just straight-up savaged Mat with "you're just like your father, a prick", it's immediately providing groundwork for Mat's complicated feelings towards older and/or powerful women. In the books, one of Mat's whole shticks is that he does a lot of self-destructive things to prove to women in power that a) he doesn't care what they think about his choices and b) he will save them from themselves. The books have the leisure to do this slowly and subtly, but ultimately the root causes are the same: Mat chafes against other's expectations and yet also desperately wants their approval, and Mat has suffered trauma at the hands of women and those with power over him.

I do miss the boys' personal innocence, which was sacrificed in the ageing up (they are very naive 20-year-olds in the books!) and in the quest to make them more immediately identifiable. In the show, every one of them is carrying guilt when they leave the Two Rivers. Their home is not a safe haven for them even before the Trolloc attacks, which is a bit of a change from the books (not so much for Rand- he was already at the point of 'my life is not what I thought it would be' even in the books- but for everyone else.)

The closest thing to the boyishness they lack here is Mat's too-overt, too-desperate attempts to pretend nothing is wrong or to pursue a goal, which is better viewed as inexperience. (This also ties into the disconnect between how he thinks he's doing and how he's actually doing.) He makes more friends with sincerity, or at least a sort of 'we're all in this together' complaining. It's clear he has a gift for reading people and situations, and a lot of compassion, as well as generosity. He gave Perrin more than just a fancy knife; he gave him Leila's (very wise and thematic) words and memory. And Perrin recognizes the gift and gives Mat what he needs in turn- reassurance that he didn't abandon his sisters and that they'll be taken care of in his absence.

I also think I miss Mat’s playfulness; he's more sardonic in this iteration, and you only catch a glimpse of it at the very beginning, or when he's flirting easily with the barmaid in episode 3. In the show it’s always framed as something he assumes to achieve his goals, though, not really something intrinsic that bubbles up from him irrepressibly. Again, show Mat has mostly lost his innocence already, even pre-dagger.

But if we've lost the innocence and playfulness, Mat is now better at reading the room (at least where his friends are involved) and still great at getting people to feel better. In every episode, you see Mat trying to raise people's spirits and make them feel like they're all in this together. The stealing in episode 1 is to buy lanterns for his family so they don't get left out of the village celebration. In episode 2, he notices everyone is stressed out and sad and in their own little worlds (I think Rand is literally like wiping away tears?) and he starts singing a song all the Two Rivers kids will know, to help them feel better and remind them that they're not alone. He plays peacemaker with Rand to get him on board with taking Moiraine's orders. He supports Perrin in Shadar Logoth. In episode 3, he's clearly a little fucked up (for... reasons...) but knows when to cut the bullshit with Thom, and they end up having a nice bonding moment while they bury the corpse Mat just robbed. Basically, "nice social skills you got there, shame you got them from coping with childhood trauma."

I'm very excited to see where show!Mat goes- this all just feels like a speedrun to get to the Mat book readers know from his POVs, and I suspect that by the time we get to that point in the show, Mat will be having a much better time and be a bit less angsty. I think they've done a good job of softening how annoying book 1-2 Mat can be, and setting him up for success in future installations, which is when he really comes into his own. (Also, for personal reasons, I cannot *wait* for Mat's childhood trauma to meet a certain problematic fave's childhood trauma. It's gonna be a hot and entertaining mess and I mean that in all senses of the phrase.)

I love the original Cauthon fam (despite my jokes about used car salesman Abell) and I’m a bit sad that Bode got de-aged, but like Mat, I concede that sometimes the ends justify the means. I too would die for tiny Bode and Eldrin!

#wheel of time #wot on prime #wot on prime spoilers #wot on prime s1e1 #wot on prime s1e2 #wot on prime s1e3 #the dragon reborn #Mat Cauthon #wheel of time meta #meta

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agendratum · 3 years

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ok so

as usual after finishing an arc of mdzs my head is full, many thoughts. so let’s talk about the guanyin temple confrontation.

first thing that i kept paying attention to were actually the changes made in order to turn it into live-action. so in cql they had to make the gray-gray characters, the “there are no good or bad guys, just people and their circumstances” characters (unless you’re jgs, than yeah you’re a bad guy and everyone agrees on that actually) into slightly more black and white characters. by the end of cql we are lured into this fake sense of security, “haha, we know who the bad guy is!” (then a year passes and here you are, now a jgy apologist), by the end of mdzs, you just know that, well, decisions were made, unfortunate decisions, by many different people.

cql had to make wwx into a bit nicer version of himself. the good protagonist couldn’t lose control and accidentally kill a bunch of people, and then kill another bunch of people fully willingly, cause his sister just died and that was the last connection he had to the idea that something still matters in this world. no, out protagonist should be... like a little bit nicer than that. so they lifted some of that responsibility for atrocities off him, but they couldn’t just evaporate it, could they? they had to put it somewhere. they put it on jgy. after all he’s the big bad in the end of the story, well, the only surviving person from all people that could be considered big bads, he’s the one that “did every terrible deed imaginable”. he could take that responsibility, they had to make his grayness into a slightly darker shade anyway.

i am actually kinda surprised by how different my reaction to jgy was in mdzs. obviously, there is a year difference between me watching cql and me reading this part of mdzs, and over that year i changed my opinion on jgy 5 thousand times and joined the camp “actually meng yao deserves all the best things in the world”, but anyway. when i was watching cql i was like, oh my god, can someone just kill him already, before he does something bad again, before more bullcrap comes out of his mouth, and also stop yelling at this kid about all the “valid” reasons to why you killed his dad. in mdzs my reaction to jgy’s confessions was like, “huh. he has a point”.

now don’t get me wrong there, some shitty things were done, but the thing is, the things he did really made sense from his point of view, from this position and life experience he really had no other way to go. i especially was convinced by his reasoning to why he couldn’t cancel his engagement with qin su. not only he would suffer from this story, because he already went through so much to make this marriage possible, but also qin su’s parents and herself would most likely suffer, their public image would be destroyed, only jgs wouldn’t lose anything. and you could feel the hatred and bitterness he felt towards his father talking about this, and everyone in the temple could agree with that, because he “just forgot he made another child”, he didn’t even notice.

another interesting detail for me was lxc saying, “it’s not that i didn’t know that you did some of these things, it’s that i thought you had a good reason for doing them”. so yeah, a reminder, lxc isn’t blind and he isn’t an idiot. he trusted a person he thought he knew better than anyone else, and he believed in this person. the problem, i think, is that “a good reason” is different for lxc and for jgy. lxc would understand a righteous reason, doing something for the greater good. working for wen ruohan? that was explainable. they all were fighting in a war, fighting for the better, brighter future, and meng yao’s contribution to that future was immeasurable. what if he killed some people there? he had a good reason in lxc’s eyes. but meng yao had other good reasons in his life, some of these reasons lxc never had to deal with in his life. survival, for example, is one of them. meng yao’s early years were very different from lxc’s. not to say that lxc’s life was easy, but it was never truly unstable. meng yao had to learn how to survive in a world where no one wanted him. he lived with one dream, promised to him by his mother, a future where he wouldn’t have to suffer anymore, where he wouldn’t have to smile at people he hated, please every one of their desires so they wouldn’t harm him. and then he entered this life promised to him and he still had to survive, but now in a luxurious man-eats-man world of lanling jin.

meng yao’s life really was this unstoppable ball of snow rolling down the mountain, and every decision he made just made the ball bigger and it would just roll faster. there is even a moment where jgy accuses lxc of being naive. lxc isn’t really naive, of course, it was said in the heat of the moment, but it is a fact that lxc was never kicked down a staircase, never had to crawl back up, and the thing is, at the bottom of the staircase, there are other good reasons to do things.

and in a way lxc understood that jgy in his position really didn’t have any other choices, he just couldn’t find peace in this mindset. he kept repeated through that part, “and yet, and yet, you shouldn’t have done that, you should have...” and he never said what exactly jgy should have done. because lxc doesn’t know. jgy doesn’t know. no one knows. what choices were better? how could he fix all that and still survive? in a way, lxc saying that reminded me of wangxian farewell in the burial mounds. when lwj asks, “you really indent to keep going like this?” and wwx, who wished, who longed for another solution, for some way out, asked him, “what else can i do? what method can i choose to resolve this, not use this technique and still protect people i want to protect?” and lwj didn’t have an answer. lxc didn’t have an answer either.

another amazing thing about guanyin temple confrontation, is that it’s very heavily wwx’s pov. most on the novel is his pov of course, but there were a loot of his thoughts in this arc. and he was rather understanding towards jgy. not in a way “i agree with every reasoning behind every decision you made” but in a way “i understand that you had your reasons, but all of them will become irrelevant really soon, they already are, because the crowd will only remember you as a son of a whore who did every terrible deed imaginable, and all the good deeds will be forgotten”

now his thoughts on nhs, or who he suspected nhs to be, were way less nice. especially compared to live action, nhs didn’t make such an impression on me as he made through wwx’s thought process in the end of guanyin temple arc. of course, wwx is no sect leader yao, he is not the one to jump to conclusions, he just noticed that if you put some facts together, they actually start making a lot of sense, and formed a full picture. but he didn’t have any proof, so he kept it mostly to himself. yet he still thought for a moment about nhs as someone who didn’t care about collateral damage that much, who was ready to sacrifice lives of juniors, sect leaders, anyone, if it would add to jgy’s kill count and make his fall and destruction even more disastrous. not that those are not the things that happened in live action, but you know, when wwx put it all together like that in one paragraph, i really felt it. like, oof, dude it’s ROUGH. and not even jgy’s death was enough, as nhs basically admitted to stealing meng shi’s body and planning to repay jgy for what he did to nmj’s body. yikes

i mean i still support nhs in everything he does, but yikes

also side note, glad that the dead cats situation finally became clear for me. this whole year i was so confused about who left all these dead cats for juniors to find. i thought maybe xue yang did?? to lure wwx?? so apparently it was also nhs. good to know.

another detail, probably the last one my brain can generate for now, that pained me a great deal was my poor child jin ling. i already cried about some things related to him and this arc, but there was another little one in the very end here, after jgy died. jin ling realised, that there were now three people, wwx, wn and jgy, his little uncle, that were responsible for his parents’ death. people he had every right and reason to hate. all three of them. and yet he couldn’t hate any of them. he couldn’t avenge his parents, that died so long ago he couldn’t remember them, because all three people responsible for what happened, had something, some reasons, some circumstances, that made them really not the bad guys in jin ling’s life. and they all cared about him, protected him. how could he hate them? how could he not? and in this way this poor child repeats, unfortunately, his uncle’s curse. to have someone he wants to hate so much but just simply can’t. it warms my heart at least that jin ling has a much better support system than jc had when he had to live through that experience. so there is hope.

#not rereading this #ok that's a lit i'll for sure reread this later #lie*#yana reads mdzs #and writes long long long metas #meta #the untamed

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fedonciadale · 3 years

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Why do you think people who criticize Sansa are internalised misogynists ? If anything Grrm's inspiration for Arya's character came from the feminists that he met so it's natural that her foil Sansa is the one who has internalised misogyny while Arya doesn't look down on women different from her .

Hi there!

First of all, we have to make a difference between the characters and the people who read the books. Sansa and Ary@ show certain characteristics and that is one thing and the people who read the books and criticize these character can show certain characteristics and this is another thing. And then there is GRRM and what might have inspired him.

If anyone in ASOIAF, in the books suffers from her own internalized misogyny it is Cersei. She is the person who thinks that male and male coded behaviour is intrinsically better. Cersei is the person who uses slurs men use against women. Cersei is the one who tries to work with patriarchy to tear down her rival Margaery. She uses the ideas of sexual "purity" of the patriarchy to set up a trap for Margaery. Cersei wants to be "Tywin with tits".

Sansa, imho, does not suffer from internalized misogyny. Sansa tries to live up to expectation the society has on a high born lady but that is not the same as internalized misogyny. Her clashes with Arya are caused by a number of reasons and only one of them is the fact that Arya does not meet society's expectations. In general Sansa likes feminine women and tries to befriend them and in her interactions with Jeyne Poole, Margaery, Margaery's cousins, Myranda Royce and Mya Stone she shows that she generally values female company and feminine behaviour. She feels Margaery's cousins are a bit naive, but she envies them for it rather than lashing out at them. Sansa does not think women are stupid just because they like feminine things. In addition Sansa has expectations about how men should behave but she does not really think that women have less value. Sansa learns though that adhering to society's expectations does not save her. And I think she will come to a point where she will be open about how other women cope with the system.

Ary@, at least book Ary@ does indeed not look down on women just because she herself is gender non conforming. And that is actually one of the things I hate about ShowAry@. ShowAry@ thinks "most girls are stupid" (🙄).

So, neither Ary@ nor Sansa have internalized misogyny. And they are not foils. They are the sun and the moon, different, but still compatible. Cersei is Sansa's foil, not Ary@.

So, now to GRRM: If he really took feminists he knew as an inspiration for Ary@ that would not necessarily mean that Ary@ could not have internalized misogyny (just theoretical, because I don't think she has). You should remember that GRRM started writing his books in the 90s of the last century when practically the only heroine that was allowed was a "not like other girls" heroine. Considering when he began to write it is a wonder that he has characters like Catelyn and Sansa who play an important role. Fantasy books in the 90s did not have feminine heroines. It was always, always the "I do not want to sew" type of girl. So, if GRRM took real life feminists as inspiration the probability that they were also of the opinion that only gender non conforming women could be real feminists and free themselves of the patriarchy is actually rather high. I also think that GRRM might have taken inspiration from feminists he knew but that does not mean that Ary@ is a feminist. None of the women in ASOIAF are, not really, they do not fight for the rights of all women. They try to cope with their own situation.

Feminism since then has evolved and we now know that while it is perfectly o.k. for a woman to want to do something boyish like Ary@ does, it is also o.k. when she does not want that and that we should not measure women's worth according to how well they perform in male or male coded fields (which change anyway. About 30 years ago teaching, especially at university, was a men's job - that has changed considerably). So, while feminism in the 90s insisted that girls can wear trousers and cut their hair (and it was at that time necessary to fight for that!), now it is stressed that girls (and boys!) should be allowed to do as they want and that wearing trousers and having short hair, being a "tomboy" is not inherently better than wearing skirts and braids.

So, I don't think that GRRM wants Ary@ to have internalized misogyny (although ShowArya has the not like other girls disease), but in the context of the 90s it would actually even make sense if she had it. I do think Ary@'s problems with Sansa might have a little bit of a hint of internalized misogyny, especially when she thinks Sansa is stupid for liking songs or thinks her stupid in general, but to be quite honest I think most of the time, her resentment is rooted in sibling rivalry and her own frustration that her own wishes do not conform with society's expectations and the stress that this puts on her.

Now, we have to look at how readers today criticize the characters and now we get to the point why I think women today who criticize Sansa should check their own internalized misogyny and that is because the arguments they use against Sansa practically radiate internalized misogyny: "She has romantic ideas, She sews, she dances, she is naive, she likes clothes, she is superficial, she is useless (or a manipulative bitch)" etc. etc. That does not necessarily mean that Sansa antis suffer from internalized misogyny but you must admit that the arguments they use evoke this context. "Sansa should be like Ary@ to be a heroine or to be a badass or to be a cool character" does have vibes of "Sansa should behave more like a man, and then we would like her."

So, to sum up: The only character in ASOIAF who is clearly written as someone with internalized misogyny is Cersei.

I don't think that GRRM wanted to write Sansa or Ary@ as characters with internalized misogyny, even though the real life feminists that might have inspired Ary@ were still in a phase where male coded behaviour was seen as success for the advancement of women.

Sansa antis today use arguments against her that mainly attack her feminine features and that give of vibes of internalized misogyny.

So, as you can see, it is actually quite easy to come to the conclusion that Sansa antis should check their own internalized misogyny or at the very least should question why they think these arguments are valid.

Thanks for the ask!

#anon ask #Sansa Stark #Sansa Stark defence squad #Ary@#Cersei Lannister #Anti Sansabuts #internalized misogyny

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edwardelricsrightarm · 3 years

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"A lesson without pain is meaningless. For you cannot gain anything without sacrificing something else in return, but once you have overcome it and made it your own...you will gain an irreplaceable fullmetal heart." - Edward Elric

In honor of disability month and the FMA 20 year anniversary I wanted to address some Thoughts™️ about the series.

It's not often you see a disabled protagonist in media where their disability is integral to the story without taking up their entire character, even more so with anime. Yet, Fullmetal Alchemist has not just one disabled Protagonist, but two. The Elric Brothers are an exemplary representation of disability in media that I find myself reflecting on often as a disabled person myself. If you haven't completed the manga or Brotherhood, skip this as it will be brimming with spoilers.

(Mangahood will be my point of reference because while 03 is good on its own merits it's not as fresh within my immediate memory, and I am far less familiar with it. Keep this in mind, I've watched FMAB 10 and a half times whereas I've finished 03 only once years ago.)

The story highlights their disabilities immediately, Edward being a double amputee and Alphonse being without his ENTIRE body, only having the senses of proprioception, sight, and hearing left. Yet, despite this being key to the story and an integral part of their characterization, it is only one facet of their motivations and doesn't take center in the narrative, which is refreshing. It's not inherently negative to make a narrative centered on the characters' disabilities, but often this model of a story goes very wrong very fast and starts to feel hollow (no pun intended). FMA avoids this by making their disabilities a clear part of the plot and their motivations without allowing it to consume the entire story, so the Elric Brothers don't suffer the "my disability is all of my character" problem that many disabled characters are relegated to in a vast portion of media, all while being strong and competent.

Recap:

The brothers wished to revive their mother, but their good intentions cannot change the atrocity of their mistake, Truth makes this abundantly clear from the start. Edward loses his leg first, a punishment for "stepping" into God's shoes and transgressing the place of humans in their world. Alphonse loses his entire body, unable to feel any warmth or simple comforts like food and rest, when all he wanted was to feel the warmth and comfort of his mother's embrace again. At first, Alphonse's entire being is consumed by the gate, but Edward acts immediately, refusing to lose his little brother and refusing to allow his arrogance in this plan to cause his brother's death for only following his lead. Edward gives his right arm to have the gate give back Alphonse's soul, and stated clearly in his panic that he'd give his entire self to save Alphonse if that's what it would take, but Truth took his dominant arm only, showing something akin to mercy, although the character of Truth is capriciously strict and hard to describe as "merciful".

Through giving up his right arm, Edward regains his Right Hand Man, his little brother and best friend. His only remaining family, who he feels responsible for protecting in the absence of their parents. He felt immediately that he'd made a grave mistake, instantly full of regret as he realized the gate had taken his brother. In that moment he was willing to give anything to take it back and undo the suffering his arrogance caused his brother, yet Alphonse was still to suffer more to come. Ed tied Alphonse's disembodied soul to one of Hohenheim's collected suits of armor, managing to at least keep his brother alive in some way. One could say that Alphonse's punishment functioned as a secondary punishment for Edward, showing him how easily his hubris could have cost him what he has left in his obsession with regaining what they'd lost, their mother. A very clear symbolic reminder of the weight of his actions and how he'd misled his brother in his own naive ignorance. Even in giving another limb away to drag his brother's soul back out of the gate, he couldn't offer enough to bring him back intact. Thus is the law of equivalent exchange.

Now that we've reviewed some of that basic symbolism and the motifs the story draws upon with limbs and body parts in relation to characters, let's move on to each individual brother and break it down, shall we?

Edward Elric is a very realistic protagonist, this is one thing a majority of us familiar with this series can agree upon. He feels like a believable teen boy, with layers of complexity to his character while also showing arrogance and immaturity that is unsurprising at his age. He expresses unwillingness to kill and avoidance of unjust violence from the beginning, and has a strong moral code after the ordeal of committing the taboo.

In some characters his cocky personality would typically become grating, yet the story explains in itself why he is this way, then builds upon this to develop him into an incredibly mature character who is willing to admit when he's absolutely wrong and adapts to new information and context for the crisis unfolding around him as it comes, even if he remains crass. This arrogance is shown from the start to be a manifestation of insecurity, self loathing, and repressed guilt. Edward is a logic driven person, he has a very unique thought process, which is where my interpretation of him as autistic comes in. Edward's awkward social demeanor, somewhat abrasive and cold approach to some, and his trouble coping with nonsensical societal structures all stand out in this way. Furthermore he clearly shows hyperfixation, hyperactivity, special interest, and infodumping behaviors that are all too familiar. He's picky with food (*cough* the milk thing), has very little filter and speaks his mind bluntly even if this can warrant conflicting responses, yet at the same time struggles with vulnerable emotions, and he is frustrated when his own routine or itinerary are interrupted by forces beyond his control. All of these things Scream autism with comorbid ADHD. Many traits are shared between the brothers, and I'm quite certain they're both on the autism spectrum based on behavioral patterns. Neurodivergence aside, Edward's physical disabilities are undeniable.

Despite his bratty persona, Edward is fundamentally kind and uncharacteristically gentle and soft around the edges for a shonen protagonist in many ways. He cries openly on many occasions even if he struggles talking about his trauma and burdens in words at times, he feels pain, grief, and compassion so intensely it throws him into action on a regular basis in the narrative. In this way he's also a fantastic example of non-toxic masculinity (though in other ways he has displayed more toxic traits, he's just a kid). He acts on his heart, even if he's led by his mind and logic in most things. His humanity, value for life, and care for others will always win over his logic, and he shows a sense of personal responsibility for doing the right thing even if it harms him in the process. Ed is clearly shown having ghost pains in his lost limbs which is honestly an interesting detail to include, I don't think I've ever seen that aspect of amputation shown in media aside from FMA. It's also shown that when Ed's automail arm breaks this is a HUGE problem for him, but he's also shown to be very good at working around this in difficult circumstances. He doesn't become completely helpless, even if majorly weakened.

Alphonse is an extremely lovable and compassionate boy, brimming with altruism and care for others. Even in his noncorporeal state he pursues a better future and he's not helpless by any stretch. Edward clearly states Alphonse is the superior fighter for example, and it's not just because of his armor body being so large. He's *talented*, that's a fact. Al is every bit as clever and capable as Ed, moreso in some ways, and I love that about his character *because* he's so clearly disabled. He has no sense of pain, he is completely incapable of sleeping, he can't eat, can't relax or find comfort, he can only exist and think. This causes him to overthink in all his time alone, this is debilitating. He clearly is absolutely sick of the loneliness this causes, and he often feels helpless though he's not. He has doubts and fears that consume him in relation to his armor body, he questions his own personhood, even. Yet, Edward is stubborn and staunch in affirming that no matter what he's dealing with, he is fundamentally still a human being that is loved and irreplaceable. Alphonse is powerful and his body gives him some advantages, but it also sets him back, and the brothers know this even when others claim Alphonse's state is somehow a good thing. I have hEDS, a disability that comes with advantages as well as the major downsides, so I can understand and relate to Alphonse here. I too am told my disability is a boon because of flexibility and because I'm less likely to fracture bones, but I'm twice as likely to injure my ligaments and joints, which people ignore.

The brothers are both disabled, both flawed, both show weaknesses, but they are competent, determined, and strong in their own right. They are rounded characters that exist for more than to be pitied or condescended to by able bodied characters around them. They put their entire being in everything that they do no matter what that is, and they don't know the meaning of giving up. These traits that they're made of truly make them a shining example of disability in protagonists for others to look to for reference when writing their own disabled characters.

Even though by the end Edward has regained one limb and Al has regained his body, this also doesn't just deus ex machina reverse their disability or make it go away. It's clear that Alphonse's body is weak and has to be rehabilitated upon recovery, and Edward is still missing his leg and bears the scars and pieces of the port from his automail arm. They weren't suddenly made able bodied upon recovering these things, they reclaimed what was lost through struggle and grit, but the narrative didn't give the impression that their disability in itself was something to be fixed, which is important. They wanted to recover their bodies, but this doesn't erase the effects of their disability.

It was about Edward atoning for leading Alphonse into their mistake and saving his brother from suffering further, it was about them proving they can keep moving forward no matter what, not about getting rid of their disability in itself or putting themselves down because of the disabilities. This, to me, as a mentally and physically disabled viewer, is so important. They achieve their goal, but this doesn't in any way erase or undo the effects of their initial losses, they find ways to adapt and move on but they're still affected and still disabled. They always will be. That can be so important to see in comfort characters, and as a disabled individual who's had both brothers as comfort characters since I was a child, their impact on my own journey is surprisingly tangible for fiction.

#fmab #fullmetal alchemist brotherhood #fma #edward elric #alphonse elric #elric brothers #character analysis #disability month #disability positivity #disabled #fma 20th anniversary

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iztarshi · 3 years

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Identity and Jun Wu

More than the usual amount of spoilers.

Jun Wu is a splintered creature. In fact, it’s only in wondering whether “Jun Wu” is the right name to use here that I realise I don’t know his name at all. He was the Prince of Wuyong and White No-Face and Jun Wu, but whatever name he once had is used by no one.

If Xie Lian spends the novel picking up the pieces of his various identities and putting them back together, Jun Wu has been stubbornly tearing himself apart for centuries.

Jun Wu

Jun Wu is both his falsest and truest face. It’s the only part of him that isn’t a ghost or curse made of nothing but his own pain and hurt, and yet the benevolence is only a thin cover for the pain and hurt still lurking underneath. It’s a mask that shines so brightly no one can see the flaws. It’s a guise that can keep him safe by not showing any of the things that got him thrown from grace before.

It’s also what he persists as the longest, as he’s forced to admit to the things that are and were part of him it’s the self he absorbs them into and ultimately surrenders as.

White No-Face

White No-Face seems to exist for Xie Lian. It’s not a guise that was known to have appeared anywhere previously, and Guoshi himself was unaware it was Jun Wu when he normally keeps track of the ghosts Jun Wu creates. Unlike the Ghost of Yinian Bridge or the Reverend of Empty Words, White No-Face is less an independent existence than simply Jun Wu behind a mask. It might be a clone or a puppet or literally him, or all of those things at different times, but when Jun Wu is revealed as the Prince of Wuyong he starts acting like White No-Face. With no need to fake benevolence this is the personality he reveals.

More than anything White No-Face is the bits of his identity Jun Wu desperately wants Xie Lian to take on - symbolically White No-Face is an empty garment waiting for Xie Lian to inhabit it. From the first he shows Xie Lian’s face behind its mask when Xie Lian rips it away, and Guoshi unknowingly plays into his hands by claiming White No-Face has been created by Xie Lian’s intervention.

Jun Wu wants Xie Lian to understand him, but as someone who has already been trying to throw away parts of himself for a long time he takes it further than that. He tries to both throw his entire history onto Xie Lian and absorb Xie Lian as part of himself by setting Xie Lian up to believe that he himself is the Prince of Wuyong.

The Reverend of Empty Words

This was divided out from Jun Wu and gained its own consciousness. It also cloned itself many more times, clones which are implied to be the Venerables of Empty Words, which makes Xie Lian’s contempt for these monsters rather funny. (Although the less funny side is that they don’t bother him because he was already driven to suicide by the original, he’s not going to be upset by clones of clones.)

These things are the embodiment of “Jun Wu doesn’t want anyone to have a good time” and they exist purely to make sure that no one is having one. More seriously, they do what his prophetic dream did and ruin everything with worries for the future.

They’re also very like White No-Face in their methods, especially the Reverend. We see the soul-switching spell expose Shi Qingxuan to Jun Wu’s cat and mouse game in the tunnels and Xie Lian to the Reverend’s methods, and we can see how their reactions are coloured by those similarities.

He Xuan, of course, ate the Reverend of Empty Words... which is interesting, both of the other Supremes contain a bit of Jun Wu. It also doesn’t sound very healthy. Like the mirror in The Snow Queen Jun Wu’s resentment is spread around and may have permenantly altered He Xuan’s personality.

The Star of Solitude?

This one doesn’t seem to be Jun Wu literally shedding bits of himself, just him shedding his misfortunes in a similar way to Xie Lian later sheds his luck. Unfortunately he sheds them all onto poor Hua Cheng. But it is intriguing that, first, like He Xuan, Hua Cheng is affected by the Kiln before he enters it. Second, that little Hong-er does hate everyone as a result. Like Jun Wu he’s suffered and only wants everyone else to suffer as much as he has - but an act of kindness is enough to change him where it only enrages Jun Wu.

The Ghost of Yinian Bridge

Of all the forms and selves Jun Wu takes on and casts off, this one might be the most purely honest. Most of his forms, even the ones trying to inflict his pain on others, cover up that they’re in pain themselves, but the Ghost of Yinian Bridge is visibly hurting. Pierced by swords, surrounded by flame, unable to believe the human world is anything but hell, it’s terrible and pitiful at once.

Which is where Xie Lian comes in, because he doesn’t just defeat it he’s sorry for it. He doesn’t just defeat it, he plants a flower tree for it, and says the words, “Body in the Abyss, Heart in Paradise,” pitying it for not being able to find peace no matter what it had gone through. Jun Wu can’t just take this from some naive princeling who has no idea what kind of suffering he’s talking about.

But 800 years later they end up in the same place, on a broken bridge with all Jun Wu’s pain out in the open, as Xie Lian defeats him. Once again, now with full understanding of that kind of suffering, Xie Lian is sorry for him and leaves him with an act of kindness.

#tgcf #tgcf spoilers #tgcf identity meta

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gaymershigh · 3 years

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hulloh! I've only been on tumblr for a few hours, and me and my friend already love your work! Is it ok if I request some TWST parent scenarios with Riddle,Lilia,Sebek,Vil and Floyd? If so, thanks! Also once again, me and my freind love ur works alot!

Of course! Since there's no s/o really mentioned in here but people might still want to be included, s/o will be mentioned just a tiny bit (the kids being biological or adopted is up to you since I want to make the s/o gender neutral.) Also, thanks a lot! I'm still and probably be forever an amateur writer so this means a lot to me 🥺💞💞

Triggers: None

Parents au: Riddle, Lilia, Sebek, Vil and Floyd edition!

From what we've seen, his parents are not the best role models like, at all. They were too strict, pressuring him and treating him like a trophy child. However, he will definitely not treat his child like that at all after Ace slapped him with reality.

He will be a bit strict, having some rules and will scold them if they did something wrong but not as scold them the way his mother does. He won't raise his voice at them, showing them the right path after he scolded them. He will give them freedom and try his best to not make his children suffer the same thing he did, especially when he's the source of the pain.

Though, he might accidentally adapt some things from his mother and project her ways to his children, being completely not self aware. If you're his s/o, please teach him the baby steps to avoid this from this occurring too often.

Unfortunately, having a good life and children won't make his short temper extend. This is the only reason why he doesn't spoil them too much, they might act entitled and may be too late to change them back to the innocent infant they were back then. He tries very hard to control his temper if his children unintentionally knock furniture over or damage something. He just needs a few minutes alone, everything will be back to normal later.

There was one time where his child's birthday was near and decided to bake a cake from scratch, without any assistance from Trey nor his s/o. Thinking he could do it and don't want anyone to underestimate him. He was planning to make a burnt strawberry cheesecake and did the mistake of leaving the oven on for an hour for 400 degrees fahrenheit. The cake went on fire but it tasted very good when he for some reason tasted it. Nobody knew about the incident and the cake was actually used for its purpose. Yay for him, I guess.

He was already pretty outdated in trends when he was in his teens so do expect him to be like a middle aged soccer mom on Facebook every time his children send him memes or something like that. If he does even use any sort of social media and stumbled upon a 'funny' minion meme or something, he will definitely send it to the family group chat. He will make those 5th grade types of edits with one of the family pictures with a "I love my family". It's funny but still wholesome so don't laugh at him.

There is no alternate universe where Lilia isn't a good dad. Silver and his other wards are already an amazing example of how amazing of a parent he is! He has gained a bunch of experience so he got this in the bag.

Though, his way of taking care of children might be different from how it is now. Times have changed, there are probably some new and uncomplicated objects or toys to entertain the baby or child. He would love to go on a shopping trip to buy some fascinating kids toys he found in the toy store. Please stop him from buying everything in there because it looks "intriguing".

If you're his s/o, you're very lucky since if you have a baby who always cries at three in the morning or a kid who really have trouble sleeping, Lilia will sing a lullaby and they'll doze off in any second. He can wake up easily or he'll just always stay up playing his games so you don't even need to break a sweat in this situation.

His kids or any kid in general loves him lots. He will always tell his tales anywhere, anytime. If the kids ask him for a story to tell, he will always have a new one ready to tell. They also make amazing bedtime stories! It can be funny little innocent stories like his funny experiences taking care of his three wards to actual battles he went through. Any story is a good story.

He really got along with his child when they're young and innocent but when they get into their teenage years, oh boy. He will unintentionally embarrasses them but their friends won't mind. If anything, they will love him being around as he's always keeping up with the games and trends, not being a fat, shirtless creepy dad. One of the positive parts about his child growing up is that he can play video games with him just like he did with Silver! Reliving the nice memories.

He would always try to cook something in any opportunity he gets and of course, he gets stopped by either s/o or his own children. Yes, they have to go through the hard way to realize their father is garbage at cooking. He would always try to cook some food everytime something good has happen in order to celebrate but most of the times, he just wants to cook something for them to show how much he loves them. They really made him happy, he finally have a biological/adopted offspring to watch growing up (again).

Sebek unfortunately doesn't have that much time to spend time with his children due to being Malleus' trusted escort. Of course, when he does have free time and is not exhausted he will use the opportunity to spend it with his adorable younglings.

Knowing him, he still loves and worships Malleus but he's no longer his only priority in life when he finally has a life of his own other than just being Malleus' bodyguard. He will ramble and tell so many stories about his young master to his kids. They will be infatuated but will later complain about how everything is just "Malleus this, Malleus that". He will get a bit upset about that comment, so he will only talk about Malleus stories for 3 days a week.

He only has focused his life on guarding Malleus and advancing himself on magic and education. Now that he's now an actual father, this is a new chapter in his life and he's not prepared at all. He will seek Lilia for guidance and of course, Lilia being Lilia will rope him to doing something absolutely ridiculous and he would of course, woefully fall for it. Pretty surprising that no matter how much he has fallen for his teacher's trap, he still seeks him for advice.

His kids will definitely learn how to read fast. He loves reading and he really wants his kids to appreciate it too. He was about to immediately give them the books that have old and poetic language without even knowing what the alphabet was. Lilia put a stop to this and you couldn't even bear seeing how sad he looked because he needs to wait for a few years for him to have little reading buddies. Oh well, it doesn't matter now. He will teach them how to read and appreciate the art of reading no matter how long it takes.

He has exposed his children to a bunch of Malleus propaganda so there's no surprise if the children become just like him. Loud screaming, Malleus worshipping, smart but naive and other things Sebek has. If you're his s/o, please keep the children in check as they might cause problems to the neighbors. As this might be troublesome, it's at least entertaining experience I suppose.

Just like Sebek, he has even less time to spend with his kids as he always has modeling, acting and other businesses to attend. He's probably going to be exhausted when he comes back as well. Though, of course he's going to try to use all his energy to talk to his children till he can no longer open his eyes anymore. He prefers an s/o that is a stay-in mom/dad so the children won't feel lonely while he's gone.

They're definitely gonna grow up just like him. A model, actor, media influencer, or the combination of the three and it's not a bad thing. If they're going on the same route as him, he will teach them in a strict but still in a somewhat caring manner as he has learned a lot from his experience of the VDC boot camp and the overblot incident. He will only show his threatening side if they start to misbehave like those ADeuce rats.

Just because they are his children, doesn't mean they get a free pass if they intentionally neglect or not doing their best at all times, especially when it comes to appearance. He's known to be a neat-freak and a very hard worker to the point it's concerning. He will scold them if more than two pimples pop up on their face but he knows when to cross the line. He learned this easier if their child is rather sensitive and just emotionally fragile in general but they still need to take care of themselves.

He expects his children to follow his footsteps when it comes to where they're schooling. He wants them to enter a prestigious school like he did for his reputation and for the sake of his children's future. This is optional (not really) but he also hopes his children to enter Pomefiore as well and take the dorm head title at least the second week they enroll in this school. If they were sorted to a different dorm, they still want them to have a role in their dorm or in the school at all.

He begs to the Great Seven that paparazzi or desperate losers obsessing over him don't intrude into his personal life, especially if it's about his family. The last thing he wants to witness is his family in pain or being uncomfortable for their whole life. He usually avoids or straight up tells the interviewer that he's not comfortable answering questions when they're going too personal when it's about questions of his family.

You cannot feel anymore blessed when you see his smiling face when he received news about having a vacation. He can finally spend more time with his wonderful kids he's raising with all his heart. He will tell them about some funny incidents in the studio while he was involved in some modeling gig or he will bring them to a private island with gorgeous scenery for both of them to enjoy. Of course, his children's happy faces are more beautiful than the island.

Floyd is seen to be very warm and sweet despite having a very intimidating height. Naturally, he's not going to be ruthless and act the same when it's with his children because it's his children of course, family is precious to him. He has a lot of energy even after a long shift at Mostro Lounge, so he will always spend a lot of time with his kids.

He's physically affectionate so expect him to be always close and wrapping his arms around his children at almost all times. He'll usually let them sit on his lap when they watch TV or sleep with them if they can't go back to sleep because of a nightmare. Headpats are needed, especially if the kids did something good or got good news. Not saying he won't give any headpats if something bad happens, maybe headpats of sympathy perhaps.

He's very patient when it's with his children because he doesn't want his children to fear him when they grow up. If anything, the s/o have to do the scolding to avoid him snapping or anything like the sort. They rarely do anything bad though, since they're aware of how their dad acts from how he treats a dirty burglar who once tried to break in.

Since he's usually very active and hates just standing around, he expects his children to be just like him. It's never boring if your dad is Floyd as he always has something really entertaining to do at most times. If you're his s/o, you have the free entrance to see an eel man dancing around with his kids or playing some basketball either inside or preferably in the backyard. He tried showing the art of parkour but is stopped due to it being very risky. He sulked about this but oh well, once they're ten, they have no choice but to learn it!

Floyd is an amazing cook and he sometimes lets his children be involved like chopping some vegetables or stirring the macaroni. He sometimes teaches them the perfect way of doing it or let's them try doing their own meal with his assistance. There was one time they decided to make one of the weirdest food combinations and try to eat it, he won and ate it all as it was too gross for the kids to eat it. It's not gonna be a surprise if everyone in this household is an expert cook when Floyd is here.

If possible, he really wants to bring his kids at work no matter how troublesome they could get. If Azul has a "bring your kids to work" day (which I doubt of him doing), he's going to bring all his children no matter how many he has. If there's no day like that, who cares! He's bringing his kids anyway and nobody's stopping him. Sure, he will get scolded by Azul but if that's the only thing stopping him then he'll take his chances.

I don't if it's still Christmas or not since I don't celebrate it but if it's still is, Merry Christmas! 🎉 I'll just say this is a Christmas gift for you and your friend, Mouaietaru! Especially for that Jamil and Silver fanfic that you made. It's very good, keep up the fantastic work! ✨✨✨

-𝕸𝖎𝖗𝖎

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snuggetfish · 3 years

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I gotta say, Majima is arguably the loneliest of the main characters in the yakuza series. Probably most of his loneliness stems from his tendency to push people away, and also from his troubled past. Tbh I’d just want to be his best friend & trusted confidant knowing how much pain he’s been through 😞

I fully agree anon... he’s a tragic character and it’s really heartbreaking to see how often he gets left behind. How much time he spends isolated, trapped in physical and mental cages, some others build to manipulate him, some he builds himself to avoid pain.

I think this was one the primary reasons I took such a liking to Majima. In Y0 the contrast between him and Kiryu was staggering if you looked past the surface. Two young men, both with gang aspirations, both caught up in a plot much larger than they can comprehend... but that’s roughly where the similarities end, because their lived experiences are so different.

Kiryu is a no-name fresh face who’s still getting the hang of this yakuza thing. His upbringing was less than ideal, but he nevertheless has a support network - a kyodai, two father figures to look up to. Even if he’s not as keen on showboating as Nishiki is, admiration for Kazama and Kashiwagi and the glamour he thinks a criminal lifestyle will bring still drive him to some extent. He’s a bit naive, a bit awkward, a bit overly serious, sort of like you’d expect your typical 20-year-old to be.

But Majima... Majima’s barely 4 years older and he’s been through so. much. shit. At Kiru’s age, he already made peace with death, deciding to follow through with the Ueno hit. Then he’s torn away from his kyodai, gets mutilated for it, endures a full year of torture. By the time he’s “released” and expected to somehow fit into civilian life again, he’s accrued a reputation. Both Nishiki and Kiryu have heard of him, his name more a synonym for a cautionary tale. What happens when you disobey, what you definitely don’t want to have happen to you...

While Kiryu has to climb from the bottom of the ladder again to earn a name for himself, Majima has to claw out from the pits of hell, pretty much literally if you think about what kinda place the Hole must’ve been... Even out of there, he spends every waking moment working a thankless job, under a sadistic, shitty boss, confined to a city far away from home, within just a few blocks of space he’s allowed to roam. And, as you mention, he’s... really lonely. I was so much more invested in making friends with the people in Sotenbori than those in Kamurocho because I felt Majima had no one at all. Not until he met the Sunshine girls at least.

And even then, they’re not the kind of friends he can fully open up to. In fact, I think very few characters throughout the series can say they’ve seen into his heart. Maybe because they don’t put in the effort, maybe because he doesn’t let them in... either way they don’t perceive this loneliness.

Nishida knows his boss is sentimental, so he’s for sure seen glimpses of his inner turmoil, but I’m not sure how much he can be considered Majima’s confidant. More an unwitting one, at best. The power imbalance makes it hard to gauge how much of a true connection they have. Loyalty to the patriarch is paramount and I would bet a lot of the Majima family members see him mostly as a strong authority figure, someone whose image you respect and admire. Not necessarily as the complex, sometimes vulnerable man he is.

Also Kiryu. Kiryu realizes the clan isn’t what he’s bargained for and tries again and again to leave it all behind, by... offloading responsibility onto the shoulders of someone who’s as well dissatisfied with the Tojo leadership. He’s off to make his Okinawa orphanage a reality, but, like the comic I just reblogged before this says:

“What about me?”

What about Majima? He accepts the task of looking after Daigo, since he’s been beaten fair and square, by his own rules. But does Kiryu really never consider that Majima too may want something different? To run loose and be his own master, build a strong family, sure... alone? Always alone? Always left behind to clean up messes?

Even Saejima, the only guy who can claim he knows Majima through and through, fails to consider his feelings sometimes. Saejima’s main conviction is that “it’s never too late” and that he’s gotta put all his affairs in order, atone for what he’s done and once that’s out of the way he can resume his dream. It’s an optimistic and even idealistic way of looking at things, one that Majima doesn’t share. He’s not a kyodai collector like his bro, he’s already suffered through so many decades of loneliness and just when he thinks he has Saejima back, the guy returns to prison. Twice.

Does Saejima really never see how much Majima's hurting? He scoffs at him in Y5 when they’re at the restaurant and then at the batting cages, says he’s being “a sack”... Come on man, you’re abandoning him at a time where he’s really feeling the weight of his years and of the changing nature of the yakuza. It’s not surprising that he’d be depressed...

I’ve rambled a lot I guess but in a nutshell: YES. I want nothing more than for Majima to have someone by his side who loves and appreciates him for everything - good, bad, crazy. Who doesn’t judge, mock or manipulate, who’s trustworthy and with whom Majima feels comfortable enough to share any and every thought. Maybe now that things have settled and he’s in his twilight years, that person can be Saejima once again... but his obvious anguish throughout the previous games is still hard to watch 🥺

#anon asks #majima goro #goro majima #snugasks

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jaskiersvalley · 3 years

Text

Please (Don’t) Leave

Psst @lamberts! You asked for canon angst with Geralt feeling he’s an unlovable monster for your @thewitchersecretsanta. Hopefully this ticks those boxes :D

Rating: Teen and Up Relationship: Geralt/Jaskier Summary: There were so many reasons Geralt could reel off for not allowing a bard to travel with him. They're all lies. There is only one true reason and it's one he knows he can't change. Bards shouldn't travel with monsters.

Please (Don’t) Leave

There were very good reasons Geralt didn’t want a bard following him around. He couldn’t afford to feed another mouth, didn’t have the energy to protect another person when, inadvertently they got too close - worrying about Roach was enough of a distraction already. That wasn’t even considering that Geralt wouldn’t be able to protect a bard from the vitriol that followed a Witcher around. Deep down, Geralt knew there was one more reason, the real reason. Because he knew that he could go hungry to feed a bard in leaner times. And a bard could earn his keep so it wasn’t like Geralt was the sole provider for a limpet. Humans were pretty good at self-preservation and, if Geralt told said bard to stay with Roach, they were less likely to get injured. As for the open hatred, that was part of the real reason but not the whole thing. If a bard didn’t like it, they wouldn’t stick around, moving on to better and nicer muses. As if Geralt could actually be a muse - that was a ridiculous thought in itself.

The real problem was much more personal. Blaviken was still a raw nerve, not far enough in the past for Geralt to be able to move on. He couldn’t let himself forget either, because if he did, nobody would remember Renfri and her suffering. Sure, people would remember Geralt and the massacre but they didn’t care beyond the gory parts of the story. A Witcher had gone feral, butchered humans. That made for a good tale, one that scared children and adults alike. Nobody cared about the truth, the reality that was behind what had happened. In a way, it didn’t matter because Geralt had still killed all those people. He didn’t have much choice but he was still a murderer, a monster. To have a bard come along and decide that the Butcher of Blaviken was a worthy companion was beyond the realms of reality. Nobody should want to willingly follow a Witcher around, let alone one with a reputation like Geralt. Yet there was this young fool, smiling and scurrying after him. He hadn’t even introduced himself.

What Geralt couldn’t face was the idea of the naive, well meaning optimism fading into bitter disdain. Without a doubt it would because nobody liked, let alone respected, Witchers. This bard would quickly see the error of his ways. Despite Geralt’s seeming peace with what had happened at Blaviken, the truth wasn’t quite what he projected. He could recall Marilka’s disgust, the villagers and their cruel words, could feel each stone and rotten vegetable that had thudded into his body. Rightly so too. The only thing that set him aside from a hunting dog was the fact that he got paid in coin rather than food and shelter. In fact, a dog was probably more valued than a Witcher because it was easier to keep and definitely more welcome in a home. Geralt couldn’t remember the last time he was invited into a home and allowed to stay. An abandoned hut was no home, there was no secondhand comfort to bask in.

The problem was, Geralt knew all of this yet he still craved the bard’s affection. Not his heart, nobody in their right mind would give a Witcher their heart. But, maybe, the bard’s kindness would soothe some old hurts. Or at least until he realised just what a monster Geralt truly was and ripped it all away. That was what Geralt wasn’t prepared to deal with, to be offered a glimpse into what could have been, a glimmer of normalcy, only to have it snatched away. Especially because Geralt knew himself well enough to know that the slightest hint of someone being nice and he was like a stray dog with scraps. Marilka was one such example, she had shown interest and a lack of fear in Blaviken. Her rejection alone had hurt more than the rest of the village put together.

So now, Geralt was left with a choice, run the bard off or accept that his heart was going to get trampled once again. Mind made up, he punched the bard and tried to leave him in the dirt. It didn’t work. Which one left the other option and Geralt tried everything in his power to hide what he truly was. He didn’t say much for fear of showing off sharper than natural teeth. He didn’t fight as hard for his pay when an alderman or minor nobility only handed over half his promised coin, in case it scared the bard and he ran off. Because, despite himself, Geralt had grown to care about the man. After a few weeks together, he’d even learned his name when he announced himself to a tavern of bawdy drinkers: Jaskier.

There was one constant battle between them though: Geralt wouldn’t let him tag along for contracts. No matter how much Jaskier wheedled and promised he wouldn’t be but a silent backup, Geralt resisted. He couldn’t risk Jaskier seeing him killing creatures, covered in their entrails while his eyes and skin turned ghastly from potions. Everyone had their limits and Jaskier frowned in disgust when Geralt gutted a rabbit for their dinner. There was no way he could deal with Geralt in all his Witcher-y, well, it wasn’t glory that was for sure.

All of Geralt’s careful plans were for naught though. He’d managed to slay a cockatriace and was snarling in rage and victory, breathing hard. The next step was to harvest the bodyparts when there was a crack of a branch behind him. Twirling, sword raised and ready to fight, Geralt froze as his eyes locked with Jaskier’s. They stared at each other, Geralt heaving for breath and knowing he could do nothing to hide his true nature while Jaskier went wide eyed.

“Oh.” With that, Jaskier turned and he was gone.

Just like he’d always known it would happen, Geralt’s world shrank back to the cold grey of loneliness. He knew Jaskier would leave but had hoped to bask in his colourful warmth for a little longer yet. It hurt to have him gone, fleeing at the sight of Geralt’s true form. Sword slowly lowering, Geralt hung his head. The cockatrice could wait, the dead didn’t go anywhere. He was allowed a moment to mourn the loss of his not so silent shadow.

Another snap of branches and the sound of feet rushing closer filled his senses. Geralt was almost tempted to not turn and allow whoever it was to do whatever they wished with a seemingly unawares Witcher.

“Here.”

A familiar voice and slowly Geralt turned. Blackened eyes met brilliant blue ones. His own satchel was being held out towards him in one hand and a rag in another. Not understanding, Geralt stared.

“I figured you might want to clean up a litte. There’s a bit of-” Jaskier gestured with the rag towards Geralt’s cheek. “-oh never mind, here.”

As if it was the most natural thing in the world, Jaskier wiped the cockatrice remains from Geralt’s cheek, fingers lightly tracing the darker veins around his eyes. Once done, Jaskier smiled.

“I’ll get a bath ordered when we’re back at the inn.”

Words weren’t Geralt’s preferred mode of expression. Rage and anger were better conveyed with swords and fists. It left him with the unfortunate issue of not knowing what to say. However, his body knew what to do. Reaching for Jaskier, he pulled him into a tight hug. Hope wasn’t something that really factored into a Witcher’s life but Geralt found he finally and some. And that hope? It went by the name of Jaskier.

#geraskier #geralt of rivia #jaskier #the witcher #angst #the witcher secret santa

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linkspooky · 3 years

Note

hi, do you have any thoughts on itadori and mahito? specifically why mahito tell him that they are the same?

A. Yuji and Mahito is the Same...

Except they’re not. Not really. Yuji saves people without thinking, and Mahito kills people without thinking but there’s a clearly a difference between saving people and killing people. One of them is a whole lot less murdery. Rather than saying that they’re exactly the same, I think the narrative is setting up the idea that they are supposed opposites who have uncanny similarities to each other.

"I will say at once that both courses lead to the same result: the “uncanny” is that class of the terrifying which leads back to something long known to us, once very familiar."

The uncanny is the psychological experience of something as strangely familiar, rather than simply mysterious. Described as Freud omething that is both at the same time resembling a human, and clearly not human. The term comes from his 1919 essay Das Unheimliche, which explores the eeriness of dolls and waxworks. Why are humans creeped out by something that resembles them?

Freud offers his hypothesis about the uncanny: it something we have forgotten or repressed that is now coming to light against our will. The uncanny unsettles us because it reminds us of ourselves. The uncanny is a concept used repeatedly in psyhological horror, the concept of the doppelganger, dolls, mirrored images things which are human and remind us of ourselves can also subconsciously remind us of the fear of ourselves, so Freud says.

1. Baby Boy, Baby.

Mahito is, specifically the fear that humans have for each other. In that way he embodies the uncanny perfectly. He even looks uncanny. He’s the most human looking of the curses, but at the same time he looks like a stitched up Frankenstein’s Monster. There are many ways his behaviors are just plain wrong and contradict each other, he can talk with other humans, he’s polite, well mannered, always smiling, and then he can kill someone and laugh it off like it’s nothing. Mahito resembles a human, but his every single action is there to remind us that he is inhuman.

Mahito is also the mirror to humanity. Reflections are, things that appear human but are not. Reflections in the mirror look exactly like you, but they’re two dimmensional shallow images and they don’t move of their own accord. Reflections are another brand of doppelgangers. However at the same time, a mirror doesn’t lie, it just reflects. A mirror is just showing what is looking into it.

There’s a story by HP. Lovecraft. (Wow, first Freud and now HP Lovecraft, I’m sorry for citing all of these terrible, terrible men), called the Outsider. A human who is locked away in a castle its entire life finally escapes, and tries to join a party of other people they see from the outside window, only to see them all run off in terror. The last line of the story, after seeing a horrible monster, the monster realizes it was just looking at a mirrored surface and he himself was the monster that everyone was running from. The fear the story preys upon is the fear of oneself, and the fear of the ugliness in oneself that the mirror might show.

For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men. This I have known ever since I stretched out my fingers to the abomination within that great gilded frame; stretched out my fingers and touched a cold and unyielding surface of polished glass.

Mahito is a mirror that reflects Yuji, but only his bad traits. Mahito reminds Yuji of everything he dislikes about himself. Which is why Yuji sees Mahito as an enemy he can’t step forward without killing. So, what is this great similarity between them? I think the main one is that they’re both children.

Part of the foiling in the Young Fish and Reverse Punisment arc is that both Mahito, and Yuji are people that Nanami identifies as children. A cursed spirit who is still learning to be a cursed spirit, a child who is still learning to be a sorcerer.

Early on the arc makes it pretty clear how much Yuji loathes being seen as a child. It’s not that he thinks he deserves special treatment, it’s that Yuji hates powerlessness, he hates the lack of agency, he hates not being able to choose. He doesn’t like being strong enough, because that means he’s not in control of the situation, and he has no choice but to watch as his friends get hurt. Yuji nearly killed Megumi the last time he was powerless and gets things get out of control. Yuji hates being weak like a child, and not being able to be weak like a child, and the result of this is Yuji turns into a pretty self loathing person.

Yuji’s mistakes usually have big consequences. He lets Mahito get near Junpei, because he forgot about Nanami’s careful instructions to watch out and run away if he saw a cursed spirit with a patchwork face. It makes sense that Yuji would forget that in the moment, he’s just a child, it’s forgivable but Yuji never forgives himself for those mistakes. That’s where his self loathing comes from.

It’s the same when Yuji lets Sukuna rampage on Shibuya. It’s not Yuji’s direct fault, however it’s his mistake in losing the fight that enabled Sukuna to rampage so Yuji takes responsiblity and takes all the blame on his shoulders. The way Yuji sees it, it’s his fault for being weak in the moment, he hates his weak naive self, he hates how much he still acts like a child.

Yuji’s response to this however is to not think. To try to shut out those feelings of self loathing, to keep moving, to keep fighting, to fgiht against them so he doesn’t have to feel that way.

2. Evil.

Mahito is the uncanny foil to Yuji, Yuji doesn’t want to recognize anything at all about himself in Mahito, because Mahito embodies everything Yuji doesn’t like about himself.

Mahito’s written to be the foil to Yuji in all the ways that deeply unsettles him. Yuji is always thinking about what a natural death means, whereas Mahito is always killing people in the most unnatural and unnerving ways possible, warping them until they no longer look human.

Yuji is a strong and brave shonen hero, who is even willing to lay his life down for others. In fact he always agrees to risk his life a little bit too easily, like he’s just waiting for a cause to martyr himself on. Yuji is willing at almost any moment to die in the line of duty, Mahito is a coward who always runs away from his life and not only that a proud coward at that. Mahito considers his cowardice and his craftiness a good thing.

However, as Nanami says at the end of Reverse Fish and Young Punishment people don’t exist in these simple black and white categories. Junpei wasn’t just an innocent suffering victim, he also went Carrie and tried to burn the whole school down in addition to the people who bullied him. He tried to hurt Yuji, just for getting in the way.

Yuji sees people in categories of good and evil, but people don’t exist in those categories. Which is why Mahito is there to make him question himself. The uncanny similarity, because Yuji can act like Mahito without even realizing it. Not because Yuji is a good or bad person, but because he’s a collection of good and bad traits. Yuji is extremely caring person, but he also gets angry when people get hurt. Yuji is a very loving person to others, but also deeply self loathing.

Yuji wants to believe he’s selfless and good, and to an extent he is, but then he looks in the mirror and sees a monster, he sees Mahito who is so openly self involved and uncaring and he’s scared am I like that?

Yuji is someone who can become violent, angry, and obsessed with destroying someone too. At the moment killing a curse and killing a person aren’t really the same thing. However, there are two dangerous qualities about Yuji. One, he’s a foil to Geto. Geto is also, a rule abiding good boy, who just tried his best to save everyone around him. However, his definition of “everyone” changed.

That’s the comparison they’re making with Yuji when Mahito says “You kill curses without thinking.” Curses are becoming more and more human like. There’s Choso who is literally a human half breed, who like isn’t really responsible for his existence. It’s bad of course that Choso kills humans, he’s willing to kill innocents for his own survival, but he’s also like... a fetus who was kept in a jar for a hundred years. The boundary line between curses and humans are blurring, and at the same time Yuji once again sees the world in strict and rigid black and whites.

And Yuji’s response to this is usually “I don’t want to think about it.” Yuji wants to reject Mahito, his uncanny reflection in the mirror, and all the unnerving similarities between them. And it’s not really hating Mahito but loathing himself. Yuji hates himself, and wants to reject the possibility he can be in any way like Mahito because then that what he fears about himself might have been true all along. Yuji is, desperately self loathing, and also desperately trying to avoid having to look at himself.

And it’s once again because Yuji himself can’t fit into his own black and white definitions of good and evil. Yuji can’t forgive himself for his mistakes. Yuji just decides to accept, because he let Sukuna rampage, because he made that mistake he’s responsible for it, he’s a murderer now. Mahito isn’t really Yuji, but he’s a good reflection of how Yuji sees himself, and he also shows us why Yuji is so dead set on helping people. Because if he doesn’t move forward. If he doesn’t help people. Then he’s just a murderer. If he can’t save people, then why is he even alive?

#Anonymous #itadori yuji #yuji itadori #mahito #jjk meta #metasks #jujutsu kaisen theory #jujutsu kaisen meta #jujutsu kaisen daily #jujutsu kaisen #jjk daily #jjk theory #yuji mahito

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xo-cuteplosion-xo · 3 years

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A god's key to victory | Fyodor x Reader |

I got this idea whilst talking with another Fyodor simp. May mercy be spared on me for this piece.

A god's key to victory | Fyodor x reality-warping reader |

Disclaimers/ Warnings: Definitely a ton of mental manipulation. Obsessive themes. Depictions of abuse, controlling actions, violence, dystopia.

The moon shone elegantly, glimmering through the glass pane of your room. Off in the distance, there was life. Outside the glimmering stone walls of this cell-like room. The golden ring on your finger brought nothing but torment. At one point this choice had been easy. He’d finally broken you into submission. Even as the world submitted to his views, there lay a single person who could undo everything. If he touched you with a single finger, all of this would be gone. Fyodor had no room for the human emotion of love. Even though he did love you in his twisted way. He gave you everything, from jewels to fine silks. He teaches you his language and lets you see his rare moments of compassion.

This world was perfect, yet here you were broken. When had it happened? When had he stripped you of your free will? Your joy? Your liveliness? The smile he had no explanation for loving? The fight that made him fall evermore for you? He was a god now, a true god who dictated the crime and the punishment of this city. That had been it, hadn't it? The moment you used your ability so widely. The day he stripped this world of its filth. The day you became the goddess by his side. He had strained you too far. You seemed so numb now. Yet, it didn’t stop him from holding you on his lap and leaving pecks around your neck. You were all he needed in this world. If somebody touched you, he'd simply kill them. There were moments where your light returned, moments where he saw that glimmer of fight and joy.

It had started years ago, when you were naive and worked alongside the scum of this world. He’d met you in a cafe. He found the meeting rather... cliche. You had to work multiple jobs to pay for your place and support your life. He’d watched the way you avoided eye-contact with others. The way you so easily switched between personalities dependent on whom you were serving. You read through people so easily it was interesting to him. Nobody else seemed to notice that it wasn’t the real you. When you get to his table your eyes fell cold and distant. He had given you a mere smirk. You only needed one look to know how to warp his view. Your ability allowed you to push what you wanted onto anybody else. It warped the very fabric of the space you were around. He understood that within moments. He was after all a highly intelligent man.

When you begin to act smug and cold just how he was, he could only chuckle. You amused him. That alone was a dangerous feat; Gaining the interest of a man who thought of himself as a god. From then on he became a regular. He memorized what days you worked and the time. He’d sit there until your shift ended. With each of those passing days, he would find a way to talk to you. He observed the way you acted. Your eyes were the giveaway to it all. To almost everybody, you could pass for anybody. Yet, when he looked into your eyes, he found the light of a scared and naive child. He found it a fun game to change what he wanted each day. The confusion that passed your face, even if it only lasted a tenth of a second, filled his pride. You stumbled over what facade to act on.

It took a month for him to completely figure you out. When that happened you were doomed. He would begin his manipulation. He wanted you on his side. The things your ability could do for him were too enticing to pass up. He whispered soft words filled with false emotions. At least, that was what he called them at first. He never admitted it to himself, and so that’s what it was. It was all just a facade to gain your trust and snatch you away. To him, you were not a sinner like the others. You were something pure and unaware of the world's terror.

When he found you worked with the very agency that continued to stunt his plans, he became agitated. It was a minor setback. The one person he knows rivals his intelligence sat among that agency. His name was Dazai and to his luck, the two of you seemed rather… close. He would joke around with you a lot. That pink tint he had grown accustomed to forcing onto your cheeks would pass at his words. It grew an emotion he hated. This emotion wanted you for himself.

So, the next time he saw you, he began to ask you about your views on this world. Just as he had predicted you were nothing but innocent. You never noticed how you showed the real version of yourself to him. Laughing after work hours. He had started as a stranger, but now you trusted him enough to go drinking. You held up a glass with a rather bright smile. Still, unaware of his complex. He’d watch you drink and memorize your reactions to every little movement he made. “What do you think about the world?” he would need this sliver of information before he began his little game of cat and mouse. How far would he have to change your views to align with his?

“My views? Huh, I guess I haven't thought about it before.” you would laugh looking over to him. It was the first time you made real eye-contact. It felt so warm despite how cold his eyes looked. It sent an unfamiliar shiver down your spine. It shouted he was dangerous, yet you didn’t look away and continued to answer him. “I guess, I see the world as a scale. A world with evil and good? I think as the world is now. The scale is tipped in the darkness.” Fyodor would nod as if he were agreeing with you. Even if he didn’t, he wanted to make you feel safe and comfortable in his arms.

People are easier to control when they trust the person who is trying to gain control. If you opened up, he could sway and twist your own words to fit his own needs. “Then what is your ideal world?” he would often ask this question.

You would think for a moment before smiling with a hopeful glint in your eyes. “A world without suffering and pain! A world that’s just a bit less violent. It would be even on the scale. Enough evil to keep order but enough good to keep the peace. Things like the seven sins would be needed but, things like violence would be less frequent. People would feel safe walking in the night. Murders would be 1 in a million of chance. I want a peaceful world.” you would answer him honestly, and he’d hide his smirk. It would be so easy to twist your thoughts. The Armed Detective Agency stood in his way though. You believed being there would help the world; Even though that agency was filled with vile scum.

He’d begun to show you the truth, his truth. At first, he’d only suggest it. The suggestion that this violence was brought on by ability users. At first, you'd stick your tongue out and point out how you were one. When he made the assumption it was too early to begin that part of his mind game, he set his sights on bringing you closer. He wanted a step up from friends. He wanted to be able to touch you. So he slowly began to make his role in your life more prominent. “Your work, do you have a thing for anybody?” he would not be subtle with this.

When you told him you appreciate your friends there but, found you could never really love them because nobody else knew this you. He had thought you acted like this around your co-workers. Dazai could see through your ability, but it appeared that was not enough. You didn’t need an ability to pretend. That pulled his interest more. By now there was no going back. He had you in his grasp, and he would never let you go. “I don’t like anybody in that way.” when those words left your lips he would wrap his arms around you and lift your chin with a smug smirk. He’d let go immediately to watch your confusion. He would leave the bar to make sure that the moment kept its hold on you.

Just as he predicted you were distracted at work. And within the next two months, you began to trust him. Your co-workers knew nothing about this man. He had asked you to keep him from people he didn’t know. He lied about what he did for a living. He told you his work involved the government and telling anybody you knew him put himself and you in danger. So you were vague when your friends called you out on daydreaming or letting your attention drift. They asked, but you shrugged it off. When it got too much you simply came out with it. “I think I fell in love.” These words shocked even yourself. The faces of your coworkers were distant as you smiled to yourself.

He would only smirk, waiting for you that night at the bar, as if he knew nothing. He’d tease you. His body growing too close for comfort. He’d wrap strands of your hair in his fingers. Whisper little things that made you question yourself and your relationship with him. It took two months before he noticed even the smallest eye-contact would turn your face into that beautiful shade of rose. He’d lean down and finally give you what you had been wishing for. A soft peck on the lips. When you squealed in response he would snicker. “Something wrong, little mouse?” he would ask you the question waiting for your reaction. When you grew more embarrassed and attempted to hide your face, his dominance slipped from the facade he had been using around you. The glow of his eyes shaking you to your core. “It’s only natural to be so… adoring over a god.” That was the first time you had heard Fyodor call himself a god. If he did that in the start you'd have completely tossed him aside. Yet it was hypnotizing now that you had already fallen into his grasps. He always got what he wanted. Right now that was you and your ability.

The next step began in hints and murmurs. He would bring up your ideal world and put the question into your head. “What do you think makes that scale tip into evil?” when you respond with violence he’d nod and act like he was thinking. He was tricking you with terrifying ease. “This violence? Who causes it?” you would tilt your head before the answer peeked in. The one time he had mentioned abilities being at fault consuming your reason. You would argue in your mind until the answer you normally went for came to you.

“Violence is made from suffering.” you would smile and shift in your seat. You never initiated contact with him. You were too nervous too. He would hold back his agitation and nod understandingly. His hand cupping your chin to pull you to his lips. He was always rough with you; He knew how it affected you.

You kept it a secret from the agency for a while. Dazai eventually figured it out and asked if you were seeing somebody. You had only nodded and walked out to leave for the night.

It took a handful of weeks, but he did crack your mind eventually. It took some nudges, but he got you to start taking in his views. He would run a thumb over your hand and whisper things about the mafia. Like how if they didn’t have the powerful ability users they had, the crimes they committed would be punished. It would drive you to rethink your views. “So without abilities violence would be less? No, violence would be punished easier? That would lead to a decrease in crime from fear of being caught.” you would mumble your thoughts aloud unknowingly. He got pleasure from seeing you drift towards what he believed.

The next obstacle came ripping you from your current living style. You hadn’t noticed how your every free hour was spent by him. He did his work with you so sneakily, you didn’t see how you no longer had control of your life. He could get you to stay from work with a simple strand of words. He pulled you to his home one night. It was rather large compared to what you had thought. He began to show you sides of himself you haven't noticed. The sides that would have repulsed you now dragged you into him. Once you made a permanent residence in his home he began to talk about his views. You took them in and listened. Your chats were normally short. You took care of him. He smirked at how your dependence on him began to grow. You came home exhausted, and he’d plant you on his lap. His hand massaging your tired muscles.

He had to work rather hard to get you to leave the agency, but it happened. Now that you viewed ability users in the same light he did, all he had to do was show you the darker sides of your friends. Dazai’s past seemed to shatter you. You were betrayed and hurt. Fyodor did not waste a moment, he rebuilt your shattered heart around himself. He whispered how you only needed him and nobody else. You fell, trapped in that web.

At some point, you began to see him as your savior. He was the only person you trusted and didn't feel revolted by. You had stopped interacting with the outside world. There were times when you got annoyed with him and would scold him for forgetting to take meds, or stay warm. You found yourself smiling and laughing at his side. He showed you his co-workers eventually. When he had to go on trips he made sure they kept an eye on you. You could always call him if you felt down without him.

A year into this he made the move to make you permanently his. A ring on your finger. Something that made you smile with joy whenever you looked down at it. He began calling you his goddess from then on. You felt like you meant something to this world. For the first time, you were yourself without any insecurities.

He would never admit it, but that smile sent an unfamiliar flutter in his chest. He never laid a hand on you, but his words did enough. He so easily controlled you. If you displeased him he only needed to ignore you or give you a stern and cold glare. Those actions would have you on your knees, tears falling, and pleas for forgiveness leaving your lips. You never noticed how abusive this was. It may not be physically abusive, but this thing you had with your husband was most definitely mental abuse. Yet, you turned a blind eye. You never noticed. You were so starved for his love. You did anything for him.

So, when the fateful day came you pushed yourself just to achieve that perfect world. You were the key to his ascension. The key to a perfect world. The people who you once called friends came into your home threatening to take away the life that made you happy. They called you a traitor, yet Dazai took pity on how easily you had been manipulated. He could have prevented this had he seen through you. It was too late now and you’d need to be in rehab once they caught Fyodor. When those sounds reached your ears you could only panic.

Your heart raced as you ran to Fyodor. You clung onto him like a life-line. When they saw this everybody shook their heads in a clear disappointment. With riffles targeting you, Fyodor could only smirk. He looked down at you, leaning down, he kissed your cheek and whispered. “Warp this city to paradise. Can you do that for me, my little goddess?” he spoke with a false softness in his voice.

You looked to Dazai with fear, but when you blinked he saw no difference. The aim lights that had been on you and your husband shifted onto the agency. You had used your ability. Dazai knew he had to touch you to fix this. Fyodor also knew that so, he placed you behind him. Pulling a knife from his pocket, he merely smirked. “How do you plan to get over here Dazai?” he taunted before warning shots echoed and the agency members dropped to their knees. “We win.” he gave a final kick to dazai’s face. When they were cuffed and pulled away, Fyodor finally turned back to you.

You shook with fear and confusion, but the moment he wrapped you in his arms you were safe. You held onto him snuggling into his chest.

It took you two days to completely envelope Yokohama in your ability. Anybody who entered would fall victim. When you were done you fell, exhausted.

Even as the realization of what you had done enveloped you, there was no reaction. Fyodor found it upsetting at times. You were numb so often yet, in those fleeting moments where life poked in, he adored it.

This world looked perfect even though it was far from it. If anything this paradise you had made was a nightmare. There was peace and comfort; People were safe and pure. The only true evil that balanced the good of this scale were Fyodor, the demon, and his fallen angel; The god and goddess of this new paradise. He had most of the ability users wiped out, but the few who had held positions before your ability was used were kept alive.

“Look at our world, isn’t it beautiful?” he asked, whilst holding you on his lap. You merely nodded a soft, joyful glimmer appearing in your eyes before it left, just as suddenly as it appeared.

“I love you.” you would whisper the words, hoping to hear it back from his lips.

This once he thought, he’d say it just this once. “I love you too, my little mouse turned goddess.” that brought a smile to your lips. A real smile, one he hadn’t seen in ages.

#fyodor #fyodor dostoyevsky bsd #bsd #bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs #bungo stray dogs x reader #fyodor x reader #fyodor x y/n #fyodor x you #bsd fyodor #x reader #angst

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dreamofmysoul-tsc · 3 years

Text

Elias Carstairs, Matthew Fairchild, and the Disease of Alcoholism

I’m very nervous about posting this but I think it’s important.

Now before you guys scroll past this post, I’m gonna ask that whoever may read this take some time to hear from my perspective. I would like to preface this by saying that I do not know, nor am I claiming to know, what it’s like to face racism and prejudice everyday, nor do I know what it was like to be queer in a time that was less than accepting and terribly cruel to LGBTQIA+ folks. I will not be speaking about either of those things here, as it is not my place to. However, I do know what it’s like to live with an alcoholic. I do know what it’s like to have an alcoholic parent and I have seen what addiction does to a person and their family firsthand.

Final disclaimer, I am in no way trying to attack or target anybody. All I am doing is providing my own perspective when it comes to the discourse surrounding Elias Carstairs and the differing opinions I have seen in regards to Matthew. I would also like to state that my experiences are my own, and are in no way reflective of every addicts’ experience or the experiences of their children/loved ones. Addiction affects everybody differently.

I am also not a psychologist or a doctor; everything stated below are my personal experiences as a child of an alcoholic.

Now let’s get started.

CW for alcoholism, substance abuse, abuse in general, and death

Elias

When I first started Chain of Gold I didn’t anticipate how much I was going to relate to Alastair. Honestly, I didn’t have strong opinions about him either way; I didn’t hate him, but I didn’t love him either. That was until it was revealed why Elias was sick all the time, and what really happened during his mission. I have never seen alcoholism portrayed in a novel ever. I’m sure there are novels which talk about it out there, but I have never come across one. And for the first time in my life, I felt like somebody understood. There are countless characters in The Shadowhunter Chronicles who have touched my heart, but I will forever be grateful to Alastair and Cassandra Clare for making me feel like I didn’t have to hide anymore, that I was allowed to talk about my father’s alcoholism. Because for 18 years, it had been my secret. For my mother, it had been even longer.

My father has been an alcoholic for my entire life. I’m sure this is common sense for most people, but an alcoholic cannot be a 100% good and supportive parent. Those two things do not mix. Most alcoholics are alcoholics because of shame, pain, or other mental health problems that they have not sought therapy for. I would also like to say that alcoholism is a disease. It physically alters the brain to make the addict believe that they need to drink just as much as they need to eat or sleep. When you are constantly drunk, it can increase stress or anxiety in everyday life and leaves the addict at risk of developing depression if it was not already there. Many alcoholics suffer with depression, general low self esteem, or various other mental health problems before abusing alcohol; these problems are then exacerbated with daily alcohol consumption.

My father never abused us, mentally, physically, etc, and he never has. He carries a lot of mental pain and shame with him, which he has continually refused to seek help for. He drinks because he does not like himself; he feels that he isn’t deserving of help. He feels like he messes everything up. And as a child, I used to make excuses for him. “Well, he never hurts us, so what’s the problem?” “It doesn’t affect his work, so what’s the problem?” I was naive then. No matter how “functioning” they may seem, an alcoholic cannot live a completely healthy, happy, and fulfilling life if they drink everyday, even if it seemingly doesn’t affect their work lives. Alcoholics are very good at hiding their addiction. I cried when Cordelia described finding bottles in odd places, or when Alastair described how he tried everything in his power to hide it from his sister and their community. I used to find beer cans stashed under the kitchen sink. Sometimes I’d find them in the spice cabinet. I don’t like inviting friends to my house because I can never be sure if my dad will be 100% sober. I didn’t want people to see him that way. I don’t want to see him that way.

I have seen a decent amount of posts on various platforms of people wishing Elias dead or wanting him to be completely x-ed out of Alastair and Cordelia’s lives. And while I totally understand the protectiveness many people feel toward Alastair and Cordelia whenever their father is involved (I love them to pieces, too), as somebody who is a child of an alcoholic, I do not and would never wish my father dead. The thought of it makes me sick. Thus far, we know very little about Elias and his personality. We don’t know if he has ever physically harmed Alastair or Sona. This is not to invalidate mental or emotional abuse either, which are just as terrible. And while he does seem to be biased towards Cordelia, which in and of itself isn’t fair, there has been little evidence to show that Elias is violent or abusive. Of course Chain of Iron could prove me wrong, but as of now, I don’t want to immediately assume that Elias is abusive. Alcoholism does not equal abuse, although alcohol can be an expedient to violence. I do not want to invalidate the Carstairs’ experience if that is the case, but I do not want to jump to conclusions either. Of course you can call me lucky because my father has never harmed us in any way. But personally, I find that insulting. When a parent is an addict, regardless of whether or not they harm their children or how involved they are in their child’s life, they will end up leaving their child with mental scars whether it was intentional or not. My father’s addiction and the addictions of countless others cannot be measured on a scale. Addiction hurts everybody it touches, no matter how normal the addict may seem to the rest of the world.

I know this Elias section is already so long, but I have a bit more to say before I move on to Matthew. Alcoholics make choices, many of them poor choices. They decide whether or not to seek help. They decide to drink another beer. They decide to drive drunk, even if their child is in the car with them. It is a disease which completely takes over every single part of their life. And while it negatively affects their lives and the lives of their loved ones, that does not mean that they are undeserving of help. Any addict, whether they’re addicted to alcohol or heroin or cigarettes, anything at all, needs help. And they most definitely should not be mocked or attacked for their addiction or their attempts to get help for it. Regardless of whether or not they are in recovery or in the thick of their addiction, there is absolutely no reason to mock them. There is no reason to tell them to “just quit drinking.” There is no reason to call them a “junkie” or a “drunk,” no matter what stage of their addiction or recovery process they are in.

I am in no way excusing Elias’ behavior just as I in no way excuse my father’s behavior. He [Elias] needs to be punished for showing up to a mission drunk and consequently being unable to keep those four Shadowhunters from dying. He needs to apologize to his children. He needs to apologize to his wife. And he needs to recover. Addiction is an ugly, ugly thing. It never just affects the addict. It leaves their loved ones with scars, whether they’re mental of physical. Personally, I can’t stand the sound of metal beer or soda cans being cracked open anymore. I’m terrified of getting married. I can never feel 100% comfortable or safe around drunk people. I refuse to drink. I don’t like thinking about how the only time my dad has been 100% sober was when we visited my grandparents for a week and he had no opportunity to slip away to buy alcohol. I don’t like thinking about how my mother has had to deal with this for decades. I want my mother to be happier. But I also want my dad to recover. Living with an alcoholic isn’t black and white; I don’t hate my dad. I hate his addiction. I love him. He’s my dad. I don’t like seeing him that way. I know Alastair doesn’t like seeing his father that way either. But no matter how much you scream or cry or fight with somebody, people will not change unless they themselves want to.

Matthew

This section will be much more brief because many of my thoughts surrounding Matthew are similar to my thoughts surrounding Elias. I would like to touch on two things, however.

I have seen people talking about Matthew, or more specifically Matthew’s friends, saying that they don’t understand why they [The Merry Thieves and Co] seem to be ignoring Matthew’s alcoholism or aren’t doing anything about it even if they do realize he has problems with alcohol. Part of it is because of historical context; alcoholism wasn’t considered a disease until very recently, and the beliefs that alcoholics can either a) stop drinking whenever they want or b) are abusive, useless members of society still persist to this day. But the other, bigger part of it is relatively simple: people won’t change unless they believe they can change. Addicts need to want to change in order to begin the recovery process. You can’t force them to. If their heart isn’t in it, they’ll attend therapy or AA meetings a couple times to appease you, and then they will start drinking/using again. Or they’ll lie to you even more, telling you that they did attend a meeting or a therapy session when in reality they bought another pack of beer. Matthew will not seek help unless he believes wholeheartedly that he can change. He needs to believe that he is worthy of change and he needs to truly want to get better in order to begin to make significant improvements in his life. Of course relapses will happen, but the point is that he wants to improve his life. He wants to recover. No matter how much James or Thomas or Cordelia or Lucie tell him to change, no matter how much they want him to get better, he simply will not unless he wants to. It hurts. It really does. I’m not going to sugarcoat it. You can love somebody so, so much, but your love is not going to make them better. Your love will not magically make their addiction go away. To reiterate what I said about Elias earlier, you can scream and cry and fight and give them all of the love until you’re blue in the face, but if they don’t want help, they will not seek it out. Matthew needs help, but more importantly, he needs to come to the realization that he is deserving of that help. He is deserving of a successful recovery. Every addict is.

Lastly, there is something about Matthew and Cordelia’s relationship that has never sat right with me. Children of alcoholics are statistically more likely to get into a relationship or marry an alcoholic because it’s what feels “normal” to us. And while I have always wanted Matthew and Cordelia to become friends, part of this is the reason why I don’t want them to have a romantic relationship. I don’t want Cordelia to have to continue that cycle, never able to escape the effects of addiction. I want Matthew to focus on himself. I want him to recover. I want his friends to support him. I want both Matthew and Elias to have a successful recovery, because the amount of addicts who die from their disease every year is staggering and upsetting. Of course Matthew is deserving of love, but he needs to focus on recovering, both from his addiction and his trauma, before he puts all of his energy into a romantic relationship.

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Overall, I want Alastair to have time to be himself, to not have to carry the weight of his father’s addiction on his shoulders. I want Elias to recover and to apologize for how he has hurt his family, whether it was intentional or not. I want Matthew to forgive himself and to realize that he deserves to take up space in this world just as we all do. And I ask that you, whoever may be reading this, to try to feel a little more compassion for these characters and addicts you may know or meet in your life. Or to put yourself in their shoes and the shoes of their loved ones. We should not be mocking them, or hurting them, and we certainly should not be wishing death upon them. There are far, far too many addicts who have died because of their disease and their mental pain. When dealing with addicts or the loved ones of addicts, I ask that you try to support them and encourage them to seek help, whether it’s therapy or AA or any number of support groups. The effects of alcoholism and drug addiction will stick with the addict in recovery and their loved ones for the rest of their lives. Some days will be harder than others. But the important part is that, when those hard days come, they have a support system of therapists, family, friends, even people online to remind them why they are in recovery and to encourage them and their progress, no matter how small. An addict in recovery, no matter how slow or fast their progress may seem, is better than an addict who has died because they never sought out the help they desperately needed.

If you read through this entire thing, thank you! I really appreciate you taking the time to read through my personal experience. This topic is very important to me, and while I’m relatively new to tumblr, I still felt the need and the obligation to share my perspective. I’m not trying to sway your opinion of Matthew or Elias, just to maybe make some people think about this complex issue. If you aren’t a fan of either of them, that’s totally fine. If anything, what I would like you to take away from this is to be more aware of alcoholism and its effects. If something doesn’t seem right, speak up. I will be providing resources below if you or a loved one needs addiction counseling or help, or if you simply would like to learn more about this. If you have anything to add to this, would like to share your opinion, or have a question for me, feel free to reblog or message me in my ask box. Please be respectful, y’all! This is a sensitive topic and it affects everybody differently; I want this to be a civil discussion, not a witch hunt.

Thank you very much for reading and considering my point of view.

Resources:

What is Alcohol Use Disorder?

SAMHSA (a helpline)

Alcohol Rehab Guide (this website also includes educational resources and a helpline)

Substance Abuse Helplines and Treatment Programs

How Parental Alcoholism Affects Children

#tsc #tlh #matthew fairchild #elias carstairs #personal #just wanted to get my opinion out there #this has been nagging at me for a while #thanks for reading #this is as personal as im ever gonna get with yall i promise

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