#i don't want to live like this

[sadsickandstoned]

I need to stop eating I need to stop feeling I need to stop thinking I'm good enough for anyone to love me I need to stop being so delusional I need to stop being so desperate I need to fade away and be erased from everyone's memory

#disorders #mental illness #mental instability #tw self destructive behavior #auto destructive behavior #bpd vent #sadnees #self destructing post #tw selfhate #tw depressing thoughts #depressed #eating disoder mention #borderline personality disorder #i give up #i cant do this #i cant #i need to ⭐️ve #mentally ill #i can't stand it #i don't want to live like this #please let me die #i can't fucking do this

[maraeffect]

does anyone have any tips or resources for letting go of anger or resentment? and for not letting petty things make you angry?

#i just want to move on and be peaceful but it's so hard bc I'm just so so fucking upset with everyone around me #i don't want to live like this #chatter #anger #letting go #recovery

[emojeesus]

I cannot do it I cannot do it I want to but my brain won't let me.

#i don't want to live like this #crazy talk

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours? #also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that! #unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

woke up and someone spilled vanilla extract all over my dash, so as punishment you strange little beasties are getting all the VANILLA FACTS i know:

vanilla is the 2nd most expensive spice in the world (2nd to saffron)

which is why more than 99% of what we call "vanilla extract" is actually vanillin (vanilla's dominant flavor compound) and is not extracted from real vanilla.

luckily, even professionals struggle to tell the difference when it comes to things like baked goods. but there is a distinct difference in non-heat treated products like vanilla ice cream. real vanilla has a more complex, individualized flavor profile.

why is vanilla so expensive? because it is a ridiculously delicate & demanding crop. complete primadonna.

vanilla beans come from vanilla orchids. these crazy flowers bloom for A SINGLE DAY and have to be HAND-POLLINATED in a process that is exhausting, delicate, and requires specialist knowledge passed down over generations.

then, if you're lucky, you get vanilla beans.

which then require months of further specialized treatment.

the entire process takes about a year and can go wrong at any stage

vanilla has been cultivated for over 800 years (possibly much longer). the first known cultivators are the Totonac, an indigenous people of Mexico.

the Aztecs used it as a sweetener to balance out the bitter taste of cocoa. it was popular in a drink called xocolatl--the precursor to modern hot chocolate!

it is only pollinated by a very specific orchid bee!!!

which is why no fruit could be grown outside of Mexico until the 1800s

Edmond Albius, born into slavery, invented the pollination method we still use today--launching a global industry when he was just 12 years old.

today, the majority of the world's vanilla is grown in Madagascar

if you want real vanilla, read the labels carefully--it's harder to find than you think!

in conclusion, those tiny black specks you see in fancy vanilla ice cream? those are vanilla bean seeds! itty bitty orchid seeds!!! they are delicious and also a PRISSY BITCH!

(src)

#Vanilla Extract #i open the tumblr app and immediately my nostrils are invaded by the overwhelming stench of vanilla #also if you want real vanilla extract at a discount: check out stores like HomeGoods TJMaxx Marshalls etc #the foodstuffs section tends to have fancy nonperishables for much cheaper than upscale grocery stores #you can get things like saffron truffles fancy oils at surprising prices #still expensive but like. 50% cheaper #or just shoplift if that's your thing i won't tell you how to live your life #did i just spend an hour writing this? yes. why did i do that? i don't KNOW

[refugeed-kim]

YES YES I NEED THIS SIGN IN EVERY SINGLE PARK PLEASE

This is my daily struggle, I had so many arguments with people with off-leash dogs (in a mandatory leash area!!!). Thanks to this behavior I'm struggling with Kim being anxious/aggressive with other females as she often gets involved in unpleased interactions with free females while on leash. And every single time that I ask for the dog to be at least recalled, I'm being called names and insulted of course.

Also 9 out of 10 their dog isn't really that friendly at all.

#dogblr #dog #dog training #petblr #the most unpleasant part of owning a dog is having to deal with awful dog owners... #the richer the neighbourhood the worst are the owners #but of course the only park that isn't a hour-long drive from home it's full of this kind of people #I want to live in a city where there is enough space to actually walk without meeting anyone if we don't feel like it

[stimkydukc]

i was really hoping I'd be in a better spot by now

but here I am, back to being stuck in bed, perpetually exhausted, unable to think, running out of money and not being able to do anything about it

I feel like a slave to my biology

i want to do so much more, be so much more, but my head is always full of fog and the harder I try to pierce through it, the heavier it gets

another day rolls by with nothing to show for it

the face in the mirror looks at me with dead eyes, greasy hair, and days-old stubble that reminds me of what testosterone did to me

my pantry becomes more and more bare, and I'm so exhausted, so ashamed of myself, that I let it happen

the pills do nothing, the hormones do nothing

my hobbies are dead, and I can't get myself to try new ones or go back to my old ones

I'm rotting away

and I can't stop it

#mental illness #depression #exhaustion #brain fog #shame #regret #trans #i don't want to live like this #i want to be free #i hate my body #i hate my brain #let me out

[crustyisgettingbetter]

I was too tired to post about this yesterday, but I had packed some safe food for lunch, and I knew it wasn't enough to get me through the day but whatever. (I didn't even enjoy like half of it tbh) To make a long story short I almost cried because I packed myself 4 baby pickles instead of 3.

This shit is so. Embarrassing.

It's hard enough to be the new kid. The youngest on the team. Not quite knowing what you're doing. Bumping into things left and right. Watching your coworkers crack jokes with each other, barely knowing some of their names.

Sitting alone for an hour at lunch.

Throw in nearly crying while staring at a pickle. I ended up just putting it back in the box and ending my lunch early.

I want to be better. But I can't help being so fucking scared.

I am so worried what other people think of me. I'm always worried people are going to judge me in ways I would never judge anyone else. I don't know where it comes from but it's always on my mind. I don't worry about it with friends because I know they won't judge me at least, but when it's all new people I panic.

#plus i would rather shoot myself in the foot than use the microwave and possibly draw more attention to myself #so im kind of limited on what to pack because of that on top of my fear foods #seriously more than half of the options of things i could eat as meals are fear foods #i really want to stop #i don't want to live like this #im trying to be better i swear #its hard

[uncanny-tranny]

I recall saying this before, but it bears repeating:

There could be a billion trans people in the world and it still wouldn't be a bad thing because being trans is not a bad thing. Even if the rate of people discovering they are trans is "disproportionate" to trends from decades ago, that is not a bad thing. In fact, it's a natural consequence for there being more trans people being able to stay alive, and, overall, being able to live in a slightly more tolerant world. You'd only see that as a bad thing if you actively didn't want trans people to either live or live a life that facilitates wellness.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #like even with there being more OPEN AND OUT trans people there are still more cis people by volume #even in my high school with three trans girls and three trans guys (including me) and a few NB people... #...there were still a THOUSAND cis kids going to school with us. imagine complaining when cis people are still 'dominant' #i don't know what my secondary school's population is because it's a big campus so you can deal with high school stats lol #like thank gd we are beginning to live in a world where the trans population CAN grow #i want there to be more trans people. because trans people will continue to be trans #we will continue being trans no matter what laws you put into place. no matter how dangerous you make the world for us... #...we will continue to be trans whether or not you approve. and that's fucking beautiful. i want us to live. i want us to eat well. #i want us to not worry about anything in this world. and that's going to happen one day. it will happen just like the sun rises each morning #if that is a threat to you then that is your own fault - your own self-destructive and sad thoughts about people and our world #and that is not my burden to carry - i have my own.

[ruporas]

the blank ticket in your hand is just waiting to be filled in.

happy birthday vash! (ID in alt text)

#vash the stampede #trigun #trigun maximum #trigun maximum spoilers #trimax spoilers #vashwood #i actually made it... im crying... was devastated for a bit bc i thought i wouldnt had anything for vash's bday!! #but happy birthday to the twins.. vash and knives... #no matter what i was going to make a vash centric post im sorry knives... i have a comic in progress also but it was taking too long T_T #that one would celebrate both of them slightly more fairly! but anyway. #birthdays to someone like vash must not mean a whole lot. even the first one - him and knives were like oh what... cool.. i don't think the #had the chance to celebrate much after that :pensive: and vash probably spent most of his birthdays like any other day so i kind of just #wanted to celebrate him living and being alive - living for as long as he did and the people that eventually made living worth it #keep counting the years vash!!! even if you dont have birthday parties - it's still very very special #quote is directly from rem’s speech in ch 41 also #ruporas art

[kettlefire]

Justice League & The Observants

The first time The Observants appeared before the Justice League, they were met with resistance. The JL was more than apprehensive when it came to working with the beings.

A new side of their world was exposed to them. Since the day those things showed up at the watchtower, everywhere the JL turned, there was a new spooky thing to learn about.

The strange beings didn't say much. Appearing in the room through a swirling portal, took a look at the heroes and gave them a mission.

A mission. Like suddenly the Justice League works for them. Something that rubbed all the heroes the wrong way.

Yet, they had to take it. They couldn't let a town get absolutely destroyed and leveled just because they disliked the creatures that told them about it.

It kept happening.

Batman pulls out all the stops to learn more about these so called "Observants". Everything he could find.

It takes him down a rabbit hole. Finding out more and more about the world those beings came from. The Zone.

No one could really complain. The visits from the Observants were always short and to the point. A new problem has arise in the time line and they needed to fix it.

That was until the first time it wasn't one of those things stepping out of the portal.

This time it was a kid. Or something that looked like a kid, and this kid looked pissed.

He demands to know everything that the Observants had asked the league to do. Demands to be filled in.

The anger isn't directed at the JL. No, no. It's directed at the Observants. It seems the league aren't the only ones that despise those all-seeing beings.

He's a king. The kid is a King.

Not what anyone had expected, and it seemed the complication only grew more. The king, Phantom, informs them not to trust the Observants.

The Justice League takes it all in surprising strides. Confirms that they have done nothing wrong, and they haven't. It was simply that the Observants cared more of their own opinions than the betterment of the world.

However, it gets a little harder to keep a straight face when they are introduced to the God of Time.

Made even worse when the God, Clockwork, is a child. If they thought Phantom was a kid, this was a baby.

Except in almost a blink of an eye, Clockwork was an old man.

Things just kept getting more complicating and intriguing.

Before the Justice League knows it. They are essentially thrusted into the Zone's own problems. An inner war was brewing, and Phantom wanted to do everything he could to stop it.

#danny phantom #fandom things #fandom #multi fandom blog #fanfiction #dc x dp #dp #dpxdc #dc justice league #justice league #dc batman #dc flash #The zone was split when Danny become ghost king #Some didn't like the idea of a child in charge #others despised the idea of a halfa in charge #The observants are shady rats and tried to rig the system against Danny #Danny just wants to catch a break with everything going in in the living realm #He absolutely loses his shit when he finds out the observants were recruiting the JL to their side #I just imagine Danny trying to gentle parent the JL #Danny: *deep breath* it's okay it's okay they didn't know they don't know anything... I can't blame them I can't *struggling with anger #batman #dp x dc #phandom #danny fenton #The observants dp

[light-blue-glazed-terracotta]

MCYT BLOGS: PLEASE READ

hi :) TL:DR please stop posting mcyt content in the #minecraft and the #mineblr tags.

long explanation under the cut

#minecraft and #mineblr are for minecraft content. this is anything from modded, to builds, to OCs, to art. it's about the game at its core.

if you post about minecraft content creation, please do not post in these tags. please. you have your own selection of tags to post in — mcyt i believe is an umbrella category for all minecraft content creation, and sub tags, like creator names and actual SMPs exist also.

they are, at the end of the day, two different fandoms with different sub-fandoms, and mcyt is bigger and louder and (sorry) more annoying. if you're a twitter/reddit refugee and genuinely didn't know this, fair! please just cut the tags out. if you just don't care about it and want more reach you're a dick, and if it's something you've forgotten about then please start doing it again <3

i realise it's maybe hypocritical of me to put this in your tags btw but it's you guys i'm talking to. so.

this is what drove me and many other people out of mineblr and y'know. it's got to the point where minecraft is no longer an umbrella tag, but a completely different fandom, and i'd appreciate if people would treat it as such!

and then there's the even deeper rabbit hole of the fact that some mcyt content is. eh. uncomfortable. and there's people who post shipping content in mcyt and you guys get annoyed! because it's completely different content! and it's the same thing here — we don't care about mcyt because it's not relevant.

keep them separate, please. and if you're posting to minecraft because it's a big tag with more exposure then your brain has been fried by twitter and you sound insufferable

#i've got to the point where i get Very close to asking the ops of posts to remove their minecraft and mineblr tags #but i feel like that would be too targeted/mean and i kind of want to make some noise abt it first #<- based on that if you're similarly bothered by this it might be worth making a post of your own abt this #so i don't look like one crotchety old woman yelling at clouds lol #mcyt #qsmp #qsmpblr #minecraft youtube #mcyters #dsmp #qsmp live #dsmp live #<- the main culprits generally #minecraft

[nataliesscatorccio]

YELLOWJACKETS

#I've wanted to make this for a long time and it's nothing at all like what I set out to do #I was going to have Laura Lee's doomed flight and Jackie's death and praying to the gods of the dirt and the girls running w weapons raised #lottie screaming as they board the rescue plane #in short: a horror story #and instead I ended up with an SOS in red lipstick #the living holding hands around the dead they are all doomed to become #the team doing their best to feed themselves on their limited knowledge and looking out for each other #even the girl they don't really like #the group finding hope in lottie's faith passed to her by laura lee #and ofc the horrible spectacle they become in the media #I guess what I'm trying to say is I set out to paint Shauna as a liar but she's telling the truth #that IS the end of the story #it was beautiful and horrible #and it was a love story #yellowjackets #yellowjacketsedit #shauna shipman #lottie matthews #misty quigley #laura lee #taissa turner #akilah yellowjackets #flashing gif

[ceilidho]

the way you wrote PBF soap’s pregnancy kink rotted my brain in the best way possible I would give you all the money in my bank account if you wrote more of the breeding/pregnancy kink/“““accidentally””” knocking up the reader wjth soap (or ghost! or price!!) 🥺🫶🏽💞💞💞💞

asdfsdgs I know, I can't help it.

Price is staring down at you while fucking missionary when he thinks that you'd make a good mom. You've always been so attentive to him ever since you started working for him, anticipating his every need and always quick to lend a hand. Price can't help but picture how attentive you'd be to your own child, to his child; how he'd feel if you knocked on his office door and came in with his baby bouncing on your hip. He has both your hands pressed down against the bed and fingers interlocked when he decides he's not pulling out. He draws you into a deep, wet kiss to muffle your little gasps and whines before pounding you harder, chasing his own release.

Ghost has never been particularly interested in having kids. With his own childhood and upbringing, he's always quietly suspected that he wouldn't make the best father. That any kid he sired would inevitably end up being just as messed up as him. It's only when he's railing you from behind in a grimy gas station bathroom after hours on the road, both of you sweaty and in need of a shower and coffee, his hand fisted in your hair that he realizes that for all his reservations, he doesn't have any about you. He wants to keep you bound to him, inextricably linked to him for as long as you live. It's what makes him shift his stance and drive into you with renewed vigour, muffling your sounds with two fingers shoved into your mouth.

Soap gets so lost in his pleasure that he sometimes doesn't even remember that you're on the other end of it. Everything is hot and wet and tight, and it makes his mind go numb, his only thought to chase that pleasure, to get closer to you, to pound so hard that he almost bruises your cervix. He goes so crazy that sometimes he'll bite your cheek or gnaw at the space between your neck and shoulder, sucking dark, mean hickies into your skin. When he comes, it's almost absentminded, never even thinking to warn you. His come just dripping down your inner thighs, and his brain goes blank when he pulls out and plays with it, not paying any attention to how you squawk about not being on the pill. Whatever. Get pregnant.

#I don't even particularly WANT to ever get pregnant #but an evil demon lives in my brain that craves breeding kink #soap is like plap plap plap get pregnant get pregnant #IMS ORRY LMAOO #ceil writing #cod mw2 #cod x reader #ghost/reader #soap x reader #soap/reader #price x reader #price/reader #ghost x reader