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lesharl-eclair · 7 months

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strollonso fic recs part 1: fics

4 fics from authors who have just the one strollonso fic, and who somehow added SO MUCH to the genre. whose other works are equally insanely mindblowing (the charles/bono fic that i am still not oVER BY THE WAY... the painfully high-quality webbonso. charlos and landoscar.) im crying how do you guys do it (these fics actually changed my life i am not kidding:

all fics below the cut; if you enjoyed these fics, please show the authors comment and kudo love; should you be the author of a fic that's here, and don't want to be here, please reach out to me and your wish is my command :)

victor's spoil by venerat (E, 1.9k)

Two hours later Lance is told he’s going to the winner’s room. “Oh,” Lance says stupidly. "Uh. Me? Now?”

ouUEGHHGEUGHHH the rancid vibes. it's all mind games here. lance's desperation vs nando's casual (playful????!!!) viciousness.

the attention to detail is so stunning. the way the scene is set, the inherent power imbalance, lance so eager to please it's almost painful to watch....

"Even when Fernando aims it warmly, it still makes Lance shiver. That’s because Lance, of course, is fucked up. He’s already getting hard between his legs, just because Fernando chose him. Just from being here, from the anticipation of knowing his role. From the uncertainty of sitting there, waiting." im sobbign <3

this one rearranged my brain a lot. one of my favourite renditions of their dynamic.

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in the hold by @pressurizer2 (M, 1.9k)

Lance scrunches his nose and makes a noise of protest as soon as Fernando’s hand leaves his ankle.

im still reeling at this concept okay. i havent gotten over it yet i don't think my review is sufficient to describe how good this is but can we talk about this like

"Mouth open and sucking in air, trying his best to keep quiet, Lance feels both compressed and torn apart by the intensity of Fernando’s attention, redirected. He’s being talked about, but not talked to. Praised but not acknowledged. Lifted up high and pushed down hard." such a waaay with words!!!! i am very extremely enamoured.

the push and pull here is perfect: bratty lance (<3) trying to elicit a reaction, nando willing to indulge despite his discipline (he's actually so into it.....it's all a game for him.......uuuueegeghheheu.....) the way tension is built and released is so so masterful and a delight from start to finish :)

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A Little Bit of Exhibition by @sweetpeapoppy (M, 5.1k)

He’d heard all of the rumours about the way Fernando operated in Formula One, how ruthless he was, how he terrorised his teammates, how he would grind you down until you doubted your own abilities. Lance knew he didn’t need that. But he also knew he didn’t have a choice either, Fernando was coming to Aston Martin whether he liked it or not.

nando as an exhibitionist is...something. how he draws lance in to do the most brazen things, how lance is powerless to resist, is such a tantalising prospect. lawrence's obliviousness makes me want to shake my head patronisingly ("Lawrence agreed, feeling grateful he had another driver pairing that were getting along." ??????? ?????) this fic really shines because of all the details (sweater paws?? hand on nape??? the actual db12 feature???) the "canon compliance" makes your concept so true to life and now i can't unsee it.

the thing that stayed with me was the image of nando bent over the car. it still makes me lose my shit to think about.

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I make two grand an hour by @kritischetheologie (E, 3.1k)

Lawrence had made Lance read an entire fucking book on this history of Formula 1 before he started the job, and all Lance could remember from the 2000’s was the German guy who won all of them, before the other German guy started winning all of them. But still, who did this guy think he was, trying a line like that on him? Aston Martin wasn’t the type of team that could hire a double world champion. “Michael Schumacher won in 2005,” he said, trying to project more confidence than he felt. “Nice try.”

BRATTY LANCE. I MIGHT ACTUALLY CRY

the voicing is nailed doWN to a tee and i am thriving. there is one very interesting roscoe related comparison in there that i will not be forgetting any time soon. this ticks all the boxes for me - backstory, characterisation, humour, there is even Plot !!

also love the offhand mention of glance.....they could have been together in another universe..... "Everyone was short except for George Russell, who was both tall and fast. Why couldn’t his father have invested in Mercedes instead?"

this author brings so much delight and depth to every single one of the pairings she writes about, and i will not be forgetting about this any time soon.

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that's all for today :) i DO have more strollonso fic recs on the way so keep your eyes peeled if you like what you see !!

if you enjoyed this, or if i missed any fic, please let me know :) drop me an ask mayhaps if you would like more fic recs, and i will try my best to give timely unqualified opinions <3

#f1 #formula 1 #fernando alonso #lance stroll #strollonso #claire's fic recs #claire rambles #1418

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kumoriyami-xiuzhen · 2 years

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Hakuoki Drama CD Book Vol 5 Saito

*sigh* as much as i prefer cooler weather, i don’t like the transition between summer and fall. always tend to get sick and half-feverish for some reason when the temperature fluctuates between hot and cool.

anyway, enjoy!

Hakuoki Drama CD Book Vol 5 Saito Hajime-hen - Summer Morning

Translation by KumoriYami

Act 1

Time: Night

Location: Saito and Chizuru's living room

SE: the sound of Saito opening a door

Yukimura: Hajime-san. I've brought tea.

Saito: Ah, thank you... in addition to the tea, there's also yokan?

SE: sound of Saito walking then sitting down

Yukimura: Yes, they were given by the neighbour. Please eat.

SE: Sound of Chizuru putting the tea down

Saito: Well, I must express my thanks to them tomorrow.

Yukimura: Ah...

Saito: What is it?

Yukimura: Hajime-san, show me your sleeve for a moment

Saito: My sleeve...?

SE: the sound of Saito lifting up his arm

Yukimura: As expected, it's torn. I'm really sorry I didn't notice it. I'll sew it up immediately. I'll get you a change of clothes for now.

Saito: There's no need, with this extent of a rip/tear, it doesn't matter if you mend it later.

Yukimura: That won't do, how can you wear such clothes

Saito: But...it's about time to go to bed. It's only been one night, this sleeve won't cause any problems.

Yukimura: No. Even though we'll just be going to sleep, I don't know if anything will happen, so please, lent me take that and mend it now, it'll be quick

Saito:......

Yukimura:....? Why did you suddenly freeze?

Saito: No, I suddenly just remembered that something like this happened before.

Yukimura: Eh.... At what time/When?

Saito: Don't you remember. It was at the time... it was something that happened while we were still in the Shinsengumi.

Yukimura: Something from when we were still in the Shinsengumi...?

Saito: You don't remember. Nn, it's no wonder. After all, it hadn't soon after you came to the Shinsengumi.

Yukimura:....I really don't remember. If Hajime-san tells me about it, I might be able to recall it.

Saito: Alright. It's nice to occasionally to look back. Then——

--------

Act 2

Time: Morning

Location: Shinsengumi headquarters (Yagi's)

Saito (narrated): I remember that it was summer, just like it is now. I had just finished my training by myself and was preparing to go over to the well to wipe off my sweat, and as I was passing through the courtyard——

SE: Sound of Saito walking

SE: Sound of Chizuru running

Yukimura: Ha ah, hah.... ah, Saito-san! I finally found you... good morning!

Saito:...Can I help you?

Yukimura: I came to tell you that breakfast is ready.

Saito: Understood. I'll go after I head over to the well and wipe down my sweat. Yukimura: Okay...

Saito: Is there something else?

Yukimura: Ah, no... Okita-san said that you would be training in the morning, but I didn't think you'd be using a real sword...

Saito: When training by myself, I always use a real sword instead of a wooden sword. By doing this, you can not only have an experience that is closer to actual combat, and feel your own strength too.

Yukimura:...Um, may I ask you a question?

Saito:...Whether or not I can answer depends on the question, since that's the case, ask.

Yukimura: When Saito-san picks up a sword, do you feel lost/confused?

Saito: I cannot say never, but that has not happened since I've become a member of the Shinsengumi

Yukimura: But drawing your sword means that someone will get injured, or perhaps die... Why are you able to accomplish this without getting lost?

Saito: For the sake of carrying out my own beliefs and ambitions... And, as long as it is to protect the Shinsengumi's way forward, I will not hesitate to wield my sword. Regardless if I have to sacrifice my own life.

Yukimura:...

Saito: Why did you suddenly ask such a thing?

Yukimura: Ah... I'm sorry that I keep asking you questions. Um, recently I was thinking... what it is I wanted to do... and felt lost.... then... when I saw Saito-san, I felt like I was lacking something... Ah/Yes.

Saito:...? What's wrong?

Yukimura: That, Saito-san... the sleeve of your jacket [im guessing haori] is torn.

Saito: Oh... these are just clothes for training. It will be replaced soon, so it doesn't matter.

Yukimura: If it's possible, can that be given to me to sew?

Saito: I'm grateful that you're willing to do this, but I can do it myself, you don't need to help.

Yukimura: But...

Saito: I've said a lot. I'll be going over to the well to wipe my sweat, you should go back first.

Yukimura: Please wait!

Saito: Is there something else?

Yukimura: Um, would you be inconvenienced if I said that I wanted to help mend that sleeve anyway?

Saito:....

Yukimura: Please allow me to do so. Please!

Saito:...There is no reason to refuse your request twice. Yukimura: Thank you! Then I'll go and pick it up from you after breakfast.

Saito: Nn.

Saito (narrated): That was the first time I noticed your eyes. Seeing your earnest face while you made that request, I didn't know how to respond. After, I quickly learned the reason for you insisted.

--------

Act 3

Time: evening

Location: Shinsengumi headquarters, Saito's room

Yukimura: Saito-san, is now convenient?

Saito: Yes. Come in.

Yukimura: Excuse me.

SE: Sound of Chizuru opening the door

Yukimura: I've mended the garment, so I came to give it to you.

Saito: Apologies, permit me to inspect it.

Yukimura: Okay.

SE: Sound of clothes being picked up

Saito: Nn, it would appear that the clothes were mended well, I'm grateful, thank you.

Yukimura: No, I'm... thank you.

Saito: Why are you thanking me?

Yukimura: Saito-san seriously answered my rude question, so, this is my thanks.

Saito:...

Yukimura: Saito-san? What is it?

Saito: You mean you didn't propose to sew my sleeve for me out of your own volition?

Yukimura: I don't think it's the same. Everyone in the Shinsengumi is helping me find my father, and is [also] taking care of me, but I have nothing I can give in return. That's why, if there's at least something that I can do...

Saito: You don't need to worry about this so much.

Yukimura: But I, it would be very painful if I did nothing. Please let me help... I also want to make a difference too.

Saito: Is this why you said those words this morning?

Yukimura: Yes. It doesn't matter if it's something small, as long as it can help everyone... I think that if there's something I can help with, I should be able to become everyone's strength.

Saito:....I see. I feel as if I've always been thinking that there was something off about how you were lately, I didn't expect it to be like this... I appear to have underestimated your abilities.

Yukimura: Eh...?

Saito: This morning, your eyes were very determined. There is more than one way to protect, some people use force to protect people, and some people rely on support to protect people. Just as you said, what you can do may be something small, but sometimes it can turn into a huge force.

Yukimura: I also have things that I can do... is it?

Saito: Nn. But I would not dare to make any assertions.

Yukimura:...

Saito: If your resolve isn't strong enough, the circumstances may somewhat change in the future. Just stick to what you believe in, however...

雪村千鹤：……？ Yukimura:...?

Saito: Forgive my bluntness, the Shinsengumi is a dangerous place for you to be in. You must bear in mind that thoroughly understanding the organization's inner workings [word I have here is inside story/inside information] can be dangerous.

Yukimura: Yes...! Thank you very much, Saito-san.

Saito: One thank you is enough.

Yukimura: Ah. Okay, thank you!

Saito:....Nn.

Saito (narrated): Perhaps, since the first time I met you and that day, I had looked into your eyes while neglecting the strong will behind them. Your sincerity touched me at that time, and I profoundly remembered it.

--------

Act 4

Time: evening

Location: Saito and Chizuur's living room

Yukimura: I'm sorry. After listening to you speak, I finally remembered.

Saito: Don't you think that this was very similar to what just happened?

Yukimura: Indeed, it's quite similar. At the beginning, I suggested that I mend your sleeve...

Saito: It's not only that day, but as long as you and I are together, from time to time, I will always think of each day I spent with you and everyone in the Shinsengumi, will always think of every day spent with you and everyone in the new selection group, these memories are treasures that slumber in my heart/thoughts.

Yukimura: I often recall those times. While I was still in Kyoto... when I went from Edo to Aizu... but I most often recall the day I had a great time trying to find that cat at headquarters and when I went to Shimabara... I often recall everyone's smiles and laughter of everyone from those times.

Saito: Yes. I'm very happy now, but it's not bad to occasionally reminisce about the past.

Yukimura: Nn. If you think about something again, you can always tell me.

Saito; Ah, but I also want to hear from you, if you remember something special

Yukimura: Of course, there are still things that Hajime-san doesn't know about

Saito: Things I don't know about? This is the first time I've heard that. Like what sort of things?

Yukimura: For example... even if you suddenly say that... there are more important things that that right now. I'll go get you a change of clothes, so wait [here].

SE: Sound of Chizuru leaving

Saito: Ah, hey! You still haven't changed.

Saito (narrated): Memories of the past, is it. If would be nice if I only recalled beautiful memories like tonight, but I can't forget those painful memories, because that was the path she and I walked together. The happiness I feel now is also an extension of those times.

Starring: Saito Hajime... Toriumi Kosuke

#hakuoki #hakuouki #hakuoki drama cd #hakuoki drama translation #Saito Hajime #Yukimura Chizuru

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endlich-allein · 3 years

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Interview with Till about his life: he fought with his father, killed his beloved dog, swam on a wild river and worked on suffering. How Till Lindemann's mind works

"I will finish you off" and why you fought for the German army.

Werner Lindemann wanders around the room, interrupting the silence with strange questions, writing something down. His motive is to get to know his son and make him a friend. But it's complicated. Generational conflict.

"My island of tranquility is shaken every day. The day before yesterday, a guy pulled on my socks because his were torn. Yesterday he didn't put out a single lamp in the house. Now, with voluptuous delight, he spits cherry pits into the cat's fur. Is this grown boy really an adult?"

The apprenticeship in Rostock, where you have to do window production after graduation, is the limit of boredom. Till Lindemann moved to his father in the countryside so that he could forget about the hustle and bustle of the city and not fall under the article for anti-social attitudes. He thought of a new life, in which there was no pointless work, and arranged an attic in his father's house.

In the mornings over coffee, he scolded life that everything went according to schedule. And listened very loudly to music - electronics and metal. My father didn't understand and grumbled: “I matured late. Naturally, I wanted to listen to the music I liked, but I could not get my hands on these records. For example, my father did not understand when I bought the Alice Cooper record for a month's salary.

Werner Lindemann was a children's writer who went through the war.

At the height of his career he disappeared for weeks on literary tours - his fame spread to teachers and librarians across the country. His father pecked at Lindemann for refusing to work and promised to turn him in:

"My willful child. What doesn't fit his standards is rejected as nonsense or crap." So he took a job as a carpenter, where he made shovel cuttings and cart wheels. The head foreman constantly drank vodka during the day, didn't want to be annoyed with questions and addressed the long-haired Lindemann with the nickname: "Mozart!" This suited him.

Werner Lindemann talked about war, hard existence and limitations. For example, about a grenade splinter that remained in his body. Lindemann did not believe in all these stories - but categorically did not accept service, war and murder:

“After that I objected: “I would hide, I would not go to war. Why did you even let yourself be dragged into this? You could have hidden."

And he said: “It didn't work out. They searched for it and it took away."

Then I said: “I would rather go under arrest. Never in my life, I would go to the front line to shoot people. It's against my nature. It would be better if I went to jail."

Much of the time father and son were simply silent, even while watching television.

"He regularly made me feel guilty, to say the least, he placed himself on a pedestal towards me: I shouldn't complain. At your age, I ran barefoot through the stubble, and in my stomach - a potato in a uniform."

The only acceptance is Mike Oldfield's music: "One day my father came to grumble again. At that moment I was listening to Mike Oldfield, and he sat down and said: "That sounds interesting."

For me it was like a quantum leap: my father sits in my room, listens to my music and thinks it was good. Probably because of melancholy. He was sitting in a rocking chair that I made myself - at the time I was working as a carpenter on a farm. I, too, always sat in an armchair, immersed myself in music and smoked hand-rolled cigarettes."

The conflict was intensified by a fight. Lindemann bought a Trabant car, installed speakers in it and tested the sound - loud as usual. “Then my father came and I had to turn off this fucking music. It was kind of loud for him. He was then fiddling around his cases of flowers, and then suddenly the situation escalated. I think he slapped me while I was still in the car.

He leaned toward me and hit me with the back of his hand. I made some bullshit remarks like, "Leave me alone," something like that. That was a provocation to him, and he said: "If you do that again, I'll hit you for real." And I said, "Then you'll get it back. Because you're crazy. Don't you dare to hit me anymore."

And then he hit me with his palm again. He wasn't controlling himself.

He was exalting himself. Instantly he introduced himself as a boxer - he had boxed in the Hitler Youth - and I just... I thought I didn't hit him, I just pushed him away. And then he stood in front of me again, "Come on, I'll finish you, you haven't got a chance!" Somehow. After that, he went up to the attic and threw all my stuff out the window.

It happened over the weekend, my sister was there, a lot of screaming, serious drama. Then I packed my things, put them in the car, went to a friend's house and never went into his house again. At first I lived with this friend, and a week later I bought myself a house in the village."

His father's book is about his son, which the son will only open up after the death of the father.

Lindemann is a late child. He was born when his father was 36. The gap in their relationship was felt in everyday life and perception of the world. Werner Lindemann woke up early in the morning, worked with the circular saw under the windows and did not understand when his son slept until noon after a working week.

Lindemann's parents then lived separately, but kept in touch. Mom worked as a journalist and discussed her texts with his father. "She still lived in Rostock and always came to see him only on weekends. Mostly on Sundays she came back quite early, because she couldn't stand the stress of being with him, either."

In 1988, the book “Mike Oldfield im Schaukelstuhl Notizen eines Vaters" In this book, Lindemann Senior describes the relationship with his son (whom he calls Timm in the book), who settled with him at the age of 18. The book was written in the 80s and laid on the table until the German Democratic Republic and the Federal Republic of Germany were reunited.

Werner Lindemann wanted his son to take up writing too. But this only amused him, although as a child he wrote poetry. At the age of 13, little Till Lindemann and his father were returning home along the bumpy road to Mecklenburg. They talked about career self-determination:

"You should already have thoughts about what you want to become, boy." My answer: "I don't know yet, maybe a fisherman on the high seas."

But immediately, no matter what I said, objections arose: “But then you have to get a certificate of maturity. But then you will be away all the time. But then you won't be able to start a relationship."

There was always a “but”.

At some point it got on my nerves, as usual. And I said: "Worst case scenario, I'll just become a writer.

I still remember how alienated his face became. "And what do you think then, what do I do! It's a very hard job! In fact, it's not even a job, it's a passion. And it's a job that's supposed to be enjoyable."

I said, "I don't know anybody who works with pleasure."

"Yeah, that's the problem. You have to look for a job that gives you pleasure." Then I say again, "But some people never get to choose..." This gigantic discussion happened because I didn't take his profession seriously. At the same time, he was completely lost, funny!"

Lindemann thoughtfully read his father's book, in which he comprehends their relationship, after his death. Faked for hidden anger and indecision. For example, in a situation where their dog Kurt was bitten by a fox. The father was frightened because of rabies: “At the same time, we did not even know whether he was bitten by a fox or not. The father immediately called the huntsman. But I said: no one will enter this courtyard and shoot the dog. I'll do it myself if I really need it. At some point I really had to kill the dog."

Lindemann is not a monster. The animals he fiddled with are an important attribute of childhood. He had an aquarium and hamsters, brought mice and rats home, and was friends with dogs. “Like many children of new buildings, he felt the need for someone alive, in need of love,” said Werner Lindemann. Sometimes the appearance of an animal in the house was surprising:

“This guy will never say what he's up to. He appears on the doorstep at the same time as me. He gets out from his vehicle, throws his coat open and puts a young black shepherd in my hands. "Your Christmas present!"

Till's father is speechless. My son stands before me like the sun's little brother. Touchingly concerned, he directs me into the house, working out a plan for the animal husbandry, accommodation and diet of our new pet housemate.

With confusion, a question flies from my lips, "Wheredid you get the dog from?" "Timm" is gibbering, "Imagine, the mason in the barnyard wanted to hang him, simply wanted to strangle him with a rope, said he was a worthless eater..."

Werner Lindemann died of stomach cancer in 1993, when his son was 30. They didn't finally reconcile, but Till visited him in his last days and was there for him with his mother: "They couldn't be without each other, even though they lived apart. Unreal, but my mother never had another man afterwards. To this day she can't let go of him."

- Not going to the Olympics in Moscow and ending up in the German ghetto

Lindemann had the knowledge and the potential to be a swimmer. And a shyness that pounded harder three days before the competition than concerts in front of crowds of thousands. "I know how difficult it is to develop willpower and stamina and instill those attributes. In the GDR this was instilled in us by coaches and so-called functionaries."

Lindemann came to swimming at the age of eight and devoted his entire youth to the sport. He would get up for training at five in the morning and pass out in the evening. His grandmother watched him from the stands. At a competition in Leipzig she shouted at the coach, who told Lindemann off for a poor result. The grandmother took the coach by the ear and said: "How do you talk to my grandson?"

Sports tightened up his upbringing and developed self-discipline. “Drilling - probably the boy has already received this experience as a swimmer,” Lindemann's father wrote. - Once he had to take second place in a competition, but by no means first place. Of course, he got carried away, forgot about it, became the first, thanks to which he received a shouting for indiscipline. And whenever he lost in the future, his coach would torture him at practice for a long time and yelled at him: "Even if you win, you're not a winner yet!"

Lindemann swam the 1.5 km freestyle and could have gone to the 1980 Olympics in Moscow. Everything was ruined when he left the hotel without permission during a competition in Florence: "I didn't want to run, but just wanted to look at the city. Cars, bikes, girls. I was caught and kicked out of the team, but then I didn't give the required results either."

Lindemann competed at the European Junior Championships, but did not go any higher. After the story in Florence, his career in sport slipped away. Perhaps an abdominal injury influenced his departure. Lindemann is gone, but he doesn't yearn: "I was relatively young. There were no good [memories] left. I was glad it was over."

"The hardest part was getting back to normal. I fell into a real hole. My home was no longer a sports school, but a ghetto in Rostock. Now I stood out through drinking and fighting. I used to be surrounded only by beautiful ladies who were interested in swimming. Now I had fierce women standing in front of me asking, "How come you don't drink?" When I was shy about approaching a girl, it was interpreted as: "Are you gay?"

Lindemann now works with a coach and swims a few kilometers before his tours to get in shape: "When I exercise, I feel a certain lightness - not only physically, but also mentally. I just feel better. The main problem is staying in shape. That's where self-discipline comes into play. Teeth grinding is important."

- Three weeks in the wild and loneliness as a creative tool

Emotionally, concerts = sports:

"How do I go on tour? Hungry. And happy. It is good to compare concerts with sport. You don't want to do both at first. You don't want to go on stage. You don't want to go to the pool. You don't want to go to the boxing ring. It all happens with reluctance. It has to be accepted somehow, that's life: spring, summer, fall, winter.

When it's done, winter's gone, the blooming begins, greenery appears, it gets bright, and you start to get a taste for it. When it's over, you feel happy. Then the body produces a sea of chemistry, a lot of happiness hormones. I think the body rewards itself."

The stage, like sports, is an embarrassment, but a necessity. Lindemann wore dark glasses in order to collect fewer views from the audience. Therefore, a couple of steps before the water, he looked at the pool with a shiver. You need to cope with yourself in order to open up to new emotions.

Lindemann's gut requires solitude and moderate solitude. This is the point:

“Loneliness is always good for a creative push - you drink a glass of wine and you feel even shitier. Art is not complete without suffering; art exists to compensate for suffering."

With his friend Joey Kelly, Lindemann spent three weeks on the Yukon River. They paddled through the wilderness in a kayak for eight to 10 hours each and lived in a tent. Lindemann didn't take a tape recorder with him, so he transferred the lyrics wandering in his head on paper.

They were catching inspiration and atmosphere:

"There were times when we wouldn't say a word for hours, but then: look there, look there! It was breathtakingly beautiful. These relatively fast-changing panoramas and skies, layers of clouds, the colors.

Except for a few bears and wolves, it's hard to see anyone else out there, it's exhilarating. Along the way we saw two hunters setting traps. No one else.

I grew up in the countryside, and I have a very strong connection to nature. I love fishing, hunting. It's an archaic experience that I like to revisit over and over again. When I'm in the city for too long, I start to miss it."

To recreate situations in the Yukon, Lindemann and Kelly trained for nine months on the Rhine river in Germany because of its liveliness.

"We went down the Rhine to where the transport ships create huge bow waves. If we hadn't had a coach with us, we probably would have been sunk by the side wave impact already during our first attempt," Lindemann said.

Together with Kelly, he had four sessions with two coaches and swam from Cologne to Koblenz [more than 100 kilometers by car]. Lindemann trained separately each week on the lakes in Mecklenburg. It's both physically challenging and savage identical to being natural.

In 2015, Till started his solo project Lindemann. On the album Skills In Pills, the song Yukon was released, in which the lyrics appeared first, and then the music.

- "My lyrics come from pain rather than desire."

The country boy is big and not much of a talker. That's how the Rammstein members saw him at the start, when they were hanging out at home. "He looked cool, like a big peasant talking one sentence an hour," keyboard player Christian "Flake" Lorenz recalled. - He always had food and vodka. He'd just steal a couple of ducks somewhere and cook them on a tray. And then, frozen like in Sleeping Beauty, there were people lying in corners and on trunks in his house."

Lindemann loves and appreciates home gatherings. This came from my father, who always had guests. “In my opinion, this is the little bit that I inherited from him. Throwing parties and gathering people. Throwing parties and getting people together. He just enjoyed being a good host. The house was always full of guests from Leipzig, from Rostock, foreign guests, even from Kazakhstan.

It was always exciting for him. He stood at the stove, cooked, bought an abundance of wine, and there was always a fire in the garden. At some point he stopped drinking, then he left the party at 21:00 and the whole company continued to feast. And in the morning he got up at four, cleaned and tidied up."

Till Lindemann is about self-digging, overcoming and childish shyness, which is covered by a pumped-up figure of a swimmer. This is how Lindemann decrypts himself:

• “And I really am like a big child - ill-mannered, but harmless. People think that I am always strong, explosive. This is not true. I am sensitive and easily hurt, but in love I am romantic and passionate."

• “At the very beginning, you sit somewhere in a dark room, open a bottle of wine and figure out how to make the lyrics popular with the music. At first you only have a vague idea of what it could be.

And when, three years after recording, mixing, and more mixing, developing the artwork, all this nonsense, then you stand on stage, and what you came up with then really works, when you manage to get 20 thousand people to raise their hands, then you experience incredible sensations."

• “Art is a kind of therapy.

When I feel that something is arising inside me, domineering and is most often dark, I need to give it a way out, otherwise it will simply crush me. So destruction and self-destruction are the two pillars on which my creativity is based.

But everyone chooses this for himself.

• “My lyrics arise from feelings and dreams, but still more from pain than by desire. I often have nightmares, and I wake up at night sweating, as I see terrible bloody scenes in my dreams. My lyrics are a kind of valve for the lava of feelings in my soul.

We are all struggling to hide behind good manners and outward decency, but in fact we are governed by instincts and feelings: hunger, thirst, horror, hatred, the desire for power and sex. Of course, there is also additional energy in us - this is love. Without it, all human feelings would fade away."

- "When you're constantly living someone else's life, it's very hard to get back into your own skin. I like that in principle, but sometimes you start to get confused - are you out of a role or not yet. You're already Till, or you're still a homicidal maniac."

- "I hate the noise. I hate the chatter. I expose myself to it, which is pure masochism. And then I have to protect myself from it. Noise makes you crazy. You die in it."

• “I think there is no God. And if he is and actually allows all the misfortunes on this earth, then he must punish me along with other sufferings. I will not pray to such a god."

This is how the members of Rammstein see Till - flexible and with a split personality:

Guitarist Paul Landers: "Till is so good that when you let him know that his lyrics should go in a different direction, the very next day he brings a new version of the song."

Guitarist Richard Kruspe: “He's a hell of an extreme man. He dives very deeply into situations where I cannot follow him. Everything he does is very extreme; I don't know anyone who does it. "

Drummer Christoph Schneider: "I would not want to be in Till's shoes: his soul is tormented by doubts and contradictions, he is equally a moralist and a monster."

June 1, 2021 - Translate by Lindemann Belgium

#very interesting #till's life #till is love 🖤#till lindemann #till 2021 #werner lindemann #flake lorenz #paul landers #christoph schneider #richard kruspe #oliver riedel #joey kelly #rammstein #t.lindemann #t.lindemann 2021

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badfvith · 4 years

Text

look at you | remus lupin

request: Hiiii! I have a request - I would absolutely love to see a young Remus Lupin corny crush/pining/getting together imagine!! ❤️

A/N: you have absolutely come to the right place for cheesy fluffy shy remus. also im sorry this took a little while to get posted it took me minute to think of an idea! i hope you guys like this!!

warnings: nothing here except teeth rotting cotton candy sunshine & unicorns style fluff :)

word count: 1411

remus’s pov

“For God’s sake will you just go talk to her already?” Sirius exclaimed, eliciting a laugh from James and a harsh glare from Madam Pince.

I quickly snapped out of my gaze and turned around to face him. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh come on Moony. You’ve been staring at her like a lovesick puppy for months now.” James piped up. At this I sighed and closed the textbook I was reading.

“If I had even the faintest clue of what you’re talking about, I would tell you that I have not.”

“Fine then. Guess that just means I have a new date to Hogsmeade this week.” Sirius said with a shrug.

“Go on Sirius!” Peter laughed.

“You lot are insufferable.” I replied.

“So you’re saying you wouldn’t be mad if I asked (y/n) on a date?” Sirius continued. “Because she is really nice to look at-”

“Shut it!” I said in a firm voice.

“Mr Lupin, please keep it down.” I heard not even a moment later.

“Sorry.” I muttered, turning to face Madam Pince’s desk. Clearly the four of us don’t spend much time in the library together.

James, Sirius, and Peter started laughing but their conversation soon moved on. I opened my transfiguration textbook again and started rereading the chapter this week’s upcoming exam was on. I got through about half of it before I was distracted by the reason I came here today in the first place. It’s Thursday afternoon, and she’s always in the library on Thursday afternoons. Usually I come alone, but that wasn’t the case today. Sirius was “bored” and James surprisingly actually wanted to study, and Peter just followed. So now I had to balance studying, getting distracted by her, and trying to keep my best friends quiet when they realized I was getting distracted by her.

The more I sat here in thought the more I realized that they were right though. It’s been months of me pathetically staring at her, awkward “hi’s” and “nice jobs” in the hallway before and after classes, and running away like a fool on those occasional times she catches my gaze and smiles. I think this has become one of those, “now or never” situations, as muggles say.

I abruptly started packing up my things. That’s it. I’m going to talk to (y/n) today.

“Going somewhere?” Sirius asked with an eyebrow raised.

“Yes actually.” I responded, slinging my bag over my shoulder and pushing in my chair.

“Care to tell us where?” James pried.

“I’m going to do it.” Was all I said before I started walking away towards her table. I wanted to give them more details, but I felt like if I opened my mouth I would somehow talk myself out of this.

“Blimey...I think he’s actually going to talk to her!” I faintly heard James exclaim. I shook my head and took a breath before continuing on my path towards the table where she was sitting, lazily doing what looked like ancient runes work. Her hair was a little messed up from going through the school day, and she had one leg tucked under the other in her position on her chair. Suddenly I was torn on whether or not I should disturb her. She looked so adorably focused. I awkwardly waited by a bookshelf, picking up the random history book on display and reading the title page but not registering a word of it. I finally looked back over to her and saw her shuffling around some papers, hopefully finished with whatever the assignment was.

I tried to place the book back on its shelf but my hands were so shaky it fell, knocking over a few others. I shook my head in embarrassment when I felt the stares of some other people at nearby tables as I clumsily stood the books up again. That whole ordeal only made me more nervous, but I continued to tell myself that I couldn’t keep this up for any longer. I need to do something about these feelings I have. Even if she rejects me, which she probably will, at least I know I tried.

I made my way up to her table. I stood there silently for a second as she put a book away in her bag before finally speaking up “Hi (y/n).”

“Remus! Hi, how are you?” She smiled. My heart was pounding. Between her beautiful face smiling up at me, and the fact that I was actually having a conversation with her, I didn’t know if I would make it through this.

“I’m, uh great! How- how are you?” I stuttered out back.

“I’m good as well.” She said. “Just in the middle of this dreadful ancient runes homework which puts a damper on things though.” She let out a small laugh.

I nodded. “I bet! There’s a reason I decided not to take that class.”

She shook her head. “I’m sure you’d have been fine either way. You’re much smarter than me.”

“Nonsense.” I said, and she laughed again.

“So is there something you needed?”

“Well...I mean there was, but you’re busy so, it can wait.” I got more and more angry at myself with every word of that sentence that exited my mouth, but she’s busy now. I should’ve known this would never work.

“No no don’t worry. I’d love a distraction from this paper.” She said. A second chance.

“Oh! Well in that case...I was wondering if, maybe you wanted to come on a walk with me?” I asked slowly.

Her face seemed to light up at the question and I swallowed hard. “I’d love to.” She replied. “It would be such a shame to waste this beautiful day tucked away in here wouldn’t it.”

“You’re right.” I nodded.

“Alright. Just give me a second to pack up here.”

“Of course.”

Once she was done, the two of us made our way down the hallway and out the doors. The warm spring air collided with my senses and I felt less nervous than I had been a few minutes prior. The two of us fell into easy conversation. (y/n) was everything I knew she would be; intelligent and funny and courteous and so damn beautiful. It was one thing staring at her from far away, but being with her up close and being able to take in her bright eyes, small freckles and the faintest scent of something tropical was another. She was mesmerizing.

After a while we both decided to stop by the Black Lake. She sat down against a tree and I followed suit. We sat in silence in the presence of the about to set sun, and listened to the small waves against the shoreline.

“I look at you too, you know.” She spoke softly, breaking the silence.

“What do you mean?” I asked, having a clue but hoping I was wrong.

“I’ve seen you staring at me. But don’t worry, I stare back when you aren’t looking.” She continued, she wasn’t facing me but I could tell her face was curling into a smile.

“Oh...I didn’t realize...I’m sorry if it ever made you uncomfortable. I just...think that you’re really beautiful.” I spit out, holding my breath while waiting on her response.

She turned her head to look at me. Her hand moved to rest on mine and I felt my throat go dry just from that small touch.

“Thank you.” She whispered. I finally took the initiative and moved in slightly closer to her. We sat there admiring each other until I was sure I had all the specks of color in her eyes memorized.

“Remus?” She questioned.

“Hm?” I asked, still lost in her features.

“Will you kiss me?”

My eyes widened at her words. This was everything I’ve wanted for months, and everything I expected to positively never happen. I couldn’t even begin to describe the feeling I got in my stomach and my heart when those words rolled off of her tongue.

I gently placed my hand on her cheek and leaned in close. She closed her eyes as our lips hovered over each other for a second before I closed the space. I felt a soft hand place itself on my side. We melted into each other before we finally pulled away to breathe. My forehead rested on hers before I whispered,

“Yes sweetheart, I’ll kiss you. And I plan to do it more than once.”

tags:

@tinylumpiaa @kashishwrites @lateautumn @asksiriusblacvk

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babysizedfics · 4 years

Note

Back at it again with a couple more HC prompts, which imma just dump in one, and you can pick which ones you want. Puddles with the kiddos, family baking sessions when both are regressed, Ro wanting attention whilst Logan is reading, so climbing all over his book, how their reactions to new stuffies differ, regressed versus non-regressed birthdays.... Etc... 👍

okokokokok buckle up everyone

Puddles:

this is the only one where i have to be like .. i don't think so :0 see virgil can get very nervous when it rains because he's so anxious about 'is it gonna storm? will there be thunder? will we be hit by lightning? will there be a flood? what if one of us slips and hurts our head??' that he just cannot relax enough to be able to jump around in puddles because 'WHAT IF I SLIP IM GONNA DIE' and the wetness on his skin sets off the wrong sensory feelings so jumping in muddy puddles is a no for him (as much as he loves peppa pig)

and roman is a fussy little thing, he may not care as much for his appearance when he's small but i think he will still be conscious enough to notice if he gets wet hair and muddy clothes - plus i feel like roman's mood is quite tied to the weather, on dark days he tends to fee a little more gloomy, ao again not sure about this especially if he wouldn't have his baby brother there with him

Baking:

OH BOY so roman is a great cook okay? like chef level he has honed his skills so that he can make romantic meals for handsome princes, but baking? nu uh, too technical, he ain't got time for that. Patton is the baker of the house and makes cookies and cupcakes way too often for Logan's liking (but secretly he loves them of course, he's just concerned for everybody's teeths) but both CGs will cook dinner when the boys are little

When the boys are regressed they're not allowed much in the kitchen anymore. after roman tried to make breakfast in bed for his CGs and started a very small but very real fire he has lost some kitchen rights (ficlet coming to you at some point perhaps) and is not allowed in the kitchen without at least one CG. even if he can switch so quickly between headspaces, he ends up either 1) too stubborn to come out of little space, or 2) a kittle bit clumsy when he comes out of it

but to make up for roman being upset by this slight loss of independence (he is a big kid after all) patton and he do weekly baking sessions! and there's always a theme. most recently they had animal crossing themed cupcakes, a little mermaid themed jello (not technically baking but roman wanted to but little fish gummies in the jelly), and... the next one is a secret because i might put it in chapter 7 (: in fact chapter 7 will feature the first instance of this tradition!!

virgil has pyrophobia (fear of fire) and so is never keen to be in the kitchen while there's food preparation going on (but he was allowed to help with the under the sea jello!!) so roman and pattons baking sessions are an excuse for mama and baby bonding time! the tradition didn't start until after virgil's separation anxiety from patton had eased up a little so luckily there's barely any tears

mama baby bonding time consists of but is not limited to: sitting on mama's lap, doing puzzles together, (vee trying to suck on a puzzle piece and crying when he's told not to), mama reading baby books to vee, vee touching all the textures and flaps in the baby books, snuggles

Ro wanting attention while Lo is reading:

this is 1000% canon!! later in the series logan will often be at work in his room and have the boys with him because patton is busy with something or another. they realise they really do need to keep working for thomas' sake but manage to integrate the boys' littlespaces into it. Eg. logan dangling baby plastic keys from one hand to amuse girgil while he's typing with the other

but when it's quiet time, when patton is in virgil's room because the baby is having a nap and papa wants to watch over him, when roman hasn't been little because he's been working or simply not in the mood earlier that day, when logan is just chilling, just reading a stephen hawking book in the living room, when he's literally just vibing, roman can and will launch himself into logan's lap sending the book flying and logan isn't allowed to tell him off because 'I'm little now! i want attention now!! hi mom!!!!'

New stuffies:

AHHHHHHHHH this this this is so so cute!!

roman never used to care much for soft toys before okay? before he was ever a little sure he appreciated disney action figures (he used them to block out scenes he wrote for theatre productions and screenplays and fanfiction) sure he always had a soft spot for Mrs Fluffybottom his childhood toy, but she always just sat on a shelf, he never fet the need to cuddle her or play with her

but when he realises he's little, when he starts playing with vee, when he sees how much vee cares about his soft animals, when patton and logan buy him a present to welcome him to the littlespace family and it's a golden teddy bear (soon to be named Aladdin) with big brown beady eyes and a satin crimson bow around its neck? yeah big kids love stuffies too

and now whenever roman is gifted a new toy (soft or otherwise) he essentially gets the zoomies!!! his brain is going a million miles a minute with all the game possibilities and with the excitement of NEW PRESENT!!! and with the happiness that his caregivers thought about him and he's been a good enough boy to deserve gifts?? yeah he's so so so excited he canNOT stand still he runs around the house for a whole hour flinging his new toy around (yeah he's a bit rough with them and there's been more than one torn limp or loose eye but he doesn't care it just shows how much they're loved!)

Now virgil: this boy is very very very emotionally attached to his stuffies. when he was a "dark side" he couldn't have much soft stuff because it just went against everything the household stood for and he couldn't risk the others finding out about how not-scary he really was, but he allowed himself a single stuffed rabbit that was easy to hide and that he loved with all of his being. it was his security blanket and his one item that could offer him comfort in a oanic attack and his only posession that he felt was true to him and not true to the scary facade he put up to scare thomas and the "light sides" into listening to him

without spoiling anything, that bunny was left in that house when he moved to the "light sides"

and in his new home virgil started collecting soft toys whenever he needed comfort. everytime he felt unwanted, every time he had an anxiety attack, everytime there was a thunderstorm predicted for the next week he would get himself a new soft toy because that was the only way he knew to comfort himself. needless to say he's got a pretty big collection now. you might think he became desensitized to new toys because of how many times he had gotten himself a new one, and you might be partly right.

that is until for the first time ever he is given a stuffie by someone else... when logan buys him a soft toy in apology for accidentally revealing his regression to everyone ((yes i am writing this fic!))

it wasn't really logan's fault, virgil should have been more aware he should have been more careful he should have hidden it all better but the logical side was guilt-ridden nonetheless. virgil hadn't expected much to be honest, the sincere apology was enough for him

but when logan blushed and shyly opened a box and handed him a black cat stuffie? virgil had to fight very very hard not to outright sob on the spot. he simply took it, thanked logan shakily, and prayed that logan didn't point out the fact that tears were falling onto the fluff of his new stuffed friend Jiji

now whenever he gets a new toy it's different than before - it's not because he's upset and needs comfort, it happens less often now but it's more special, it could be for a holiday or as a way of saying he's been very sweet or just because patton simply couldn't resist this one because look at its cute lil eyes! but each and everytime he knows when he is handed a new toy by one of his family members it really means 'i love you'

and he buries his face in its softness - it used to be to hide his tears, but now he just can't help but squeeze it tight and close and let the feeling of love wash over him

Birthdays:

yknow that episode of steven universe where steven wears a regal cape and a golden crown? yeah that's roman whether he's little or not

seriously this kid is very much the 'it's my birthweek!' type

lots of singing, lots of 'but i'm the birthday boy!!' to try to get thtings he really shouldn't be getting (like a third cookie) (and yes patton caves every single time) (patton is eventually banned from making decisions on romans behalf during his "birthweek")

there's not much difference at all between little romans birthday and big romans birthday, he's just an excitable boy whether he's a kiddo or not - this may or may not make the caregivers question whether maybe he actually was a little before virgil's regression was revealed

(irrelevant but patton definitely makes the pun 'you're a little? a little what? finish your sentences silly billy!')

virgil hates his birthday. hates it.

too much attention, too many things that could go wrong, too much pressure on it being a good day. what if his anxiety is bad that day? what if he doesn't want everyone watching him open presents? what if he's genuinely terrified that people think walking towards him with a big grin, singing at him, and carrying a cakeful of literal fire is a somehow a fun activity??

when he first moved into the house he made it very clear that he does not have a birthday so don't even try to throw him a party

naturally roman and patton were devastated, but after a failed attempt at getting virgil to enjoy his birthday they obeyed logan's request that they not try to push the idea on virgil any further

but the first birthday after they become a little family, it's a bit different

they don't push it, not at first, but virgil does wake up to patton already in his room and cooing at him adoringly , immediately sending him into his regressed headspace

then he's given a new soft toy. that wasn't so bad

then roman let him choose what disney film they watched. that wasnt bad either

then logan cuddled him for an hour and they might have fallen asleep together not noticing the smell of vanilla coming from the kitchen

then there was a new paci, a new rattle, another new soft toy, and cake cut up into tiny squares so he could nibble on it with his fingers

there was no loud singing no big surprises no bright lights or fire or anything else that he hated about birthdays

there was only love and toys and comfort. so virgil really didn't mind birthdays much after that

#wowie wow wow wow that was a lot i hope this is ok??#long post #all caps #food tw #pyrophobia tw #little/big concepts #agere virgil #little virgil #little roman #cg logan #cg patton #asks #anon #agedre roman

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thereallinksstuff · 4 years

Text

Uhm here's my first fic in like 8 years, I hope it isn't to bad.

Fandom : sander sides ,

Pairings: intrulogical, background royality hint of anxciet

Words: idk fahm

He felt the familiar tug of Thomas summoning them, he sighed in annoyance at being disturbed.

He popped up just like any other day he was summoned only this time everyone was staring at him. "Why are you all looking at me as though my head has turned into Barneys armpit?"

"Uh....Nice outfit logan" Virgil managed through his suprise at logan not being in his normal tie and black polo.

Looking around the room at everyone staring at him, Logan realised he hadn't changed into his work clothes. No instead he was wearing large spiked combat boots, torn black skinny jeans, with a sleeveless punk rocker style Jean vest. Even his hair was a vibrant blue instead of the normal brown.

"Uhm...Logan? How come your dressed like that?" Patton had asked curiously.

being pulled from his thoughts by Patton's question logan turned to look at the fatherly side,

"Well it is not my usual attire, I am comfortable like this. I merely forgot to change before popping up. If you would all continue with the discussion you were having prior I would be grateful."

"I agree, let's get back on topic."

Logan was thankful for their host for helping in getting everyone's eyes off of him.

For the next hour or so they discussed whether or not Thomas should do one thing or the other, He didn't pay much attention. He was too focused on a strange feeling (heh feeling) that someone was in his room.

As soon as Thomas had his issue resolved Logan was the first to say goodbye, of course with a reminder to drink water and be healthy, but he was out of there quickly.

When he got back to his room he didn't immediately see anyone there, curious as to why he felt like someone had been. Looking around his room he noted how all the books were in place, his bed was still neatly made, his closet doors were slightly open as he had left them. Taking a moment to double check inside his closet, he felt like someone had their eyes on him. As he walked out of his closet he noticed a small paper and box on his desk.

Making his way over he examined the note with a strange curiosity.

To Lo,

I have a proposition for you, if you would like more info, check the kitchen ; )

From, someone.

As curious as Logan was about the note, he loved a good puzzle after all, he looked inside the little box. Inside there was a small space pin that had 'viva la pluto' written on a small ribbon. To say he was shocked was an understatement, he was baffled as to who would have given him something so nice and who would have gone through the trouble of learning about his disdain for Pluto no longer being a planet. 'It is a planet, stupid people.' he thought as he placed the pin on his vest. Making his way down to the kitchen he noticed Patton making dinner with Roman and Virgil not around, possibly in their rooms.

"Hello Patton, I wanted to apologize for my appearance today with Thomas, I nearly forgot to change, I will make sure it doesn't happen again."

Turning around and smiling brightly at Logan, Patton just gave him a shrugging wave. " It's alright Logan, I think we were all just surprised to see you...all punked out." "I understand the confusion Pat, I tend to only allow myself to dress this comfortably when there is nothing that will need my sudden appearance."

He Gave Patton a small smile while looking around the room, he noticed a small deep blue note on the counter, "hey pat, who's the note for?"

Patton turned and followed Logan's gaze- " oh that? Im not sure who it's from but it's got your name on it." Logan walked over and picked up the note, choosing to pocket it for the moment. "Well I am going to go reorganize my books, I shall see you at dinner Patton." He finished saying as he walked into the shared living room. Pausing for just a moment to read the note.

To my Star

I know you like to read so check your favourite book to find the next clue

From someone cool.

As he made his way back up to his room he couldn't stop himself from theorizing who the notes were from, it wouldn't have been Patton as he was with Roman, and Roman well, to be honest he didn't think Roman would do something this simple..

As he entered his room, he almost immediately noticed ' the murder of Agitha Christy ' sitting on his bed- not on the shelf. Sitting down on his bed picking up the book, he fondly remembered the first time he read the book, it was such a nice memory. When he opened the book he saw the note, gently taking it out and setting the book back on his bed, he read the note.

To My Sun,

I know this has been short but here is your final clue, meet me where you'd least expect me, yet exactly where someone like me would be.

Love your admirer.

'My Admirer?' he thought to himself as he got up to return his book to its place. Thinking logically he slowly went through the list of who it could be, Patton and Roman were quickly ruled out seeing as they were together. Only for a moment did he think it'd be Virgil, but realizing that Virgil currently likes Deciet, it wouldn't be him. Pacing back and forth in his room for a good 20 minutes he decides to try looking around the 'basement.'

No it wasn't really a basement more like where deciet and Remus chose to have their rooms.

Walking down the hallway that leads toward the 'dark sides' as Roman puts it, login again felt like he was being watched.

Making his was down to the common area for the 'dark' sides logan looked around seeing neither deciet or Remus. After a few moments of looking he sighed and thought out loud to himself. "who would send these notes, especially to me?' after all he was the 'nerd' he was logic. Although he didn't enjoy the nerd aesthetic as much as his punk one, he just couldn't get his thoughts to a conclusive answer about why someone would admire him.

Lost in his thoughts he didn't notice Remus come up from who knows where to stand right infront of him.

"HIYA Logan, whatcha doing down here?"

Be started into reality, login recomposed himself before answering, "I was looking for the author of some notes that I've been left, I am merley looking everywhere." He replied maybe. Little quickly, he had hoped Remus didn't pick up on it.

"Oh well, that sounds fun can I help you??"

Remus asked while bouncing on his feet, seemingly excited about being able to help someone. For a few moments logan questioned why Remus would want to help him, however he couldn't bring himself to a logical conclusion as to why he shouldn't let him help. He sat down on the couch that was behind him, and held the note out to Remus. "This is the last note I received however I do not know who the author is, and such I figured I just look around in places I wouldn't normally go." He finished with a huff, looking up towards Remus. He was reading the Note and doing his weird thinking face, Logan took this time to really get a look at Remus, he wasnt in his normal Dukey attire, he was wearing something more akin to how logan was dressed. Biker boots, ripped cutoff shorts, a black sleeveless t-shirt that read 'could be gayer' across the chest and a fully studded and patch covered Jacket. Logan laughed a little to himself about the similarities between his and remus's styles.

"Well, do you have an idea as to where I should look Re?"

Almost as if he had forgotten Logan was there Remus blinked then bounced right back into energy town. "I DO!!" He shouted and grabbed logan by the wrist. "I know this seems kinda crazy but just follow me!" Remus bounced forward dragging logan along with him. Ignoring the nice feeling of having someone else hold you, Logan followed after Remus, hoping it wasn't to far.

"Okay I'm gonna need you to close your eyes and trust me." Remus asked as he stopped in front of a door Logan didn't recognize. "May I ask why Remus, I do not wish to be the subject of your pranks."

Remus looked around quickly trying to come up with an excuse, not being able to think of a good one, he replied simply. "it's a surprise! But also because we have to cut through a part of my imagination. And I don't want you to be er.. grossed out?" Remus finished quietly, being considerate of the others feelings was a bit strange to Logan, seeing as Remus rarely did it, however he was more curious as to who the author of the notes was. He made the decision to trust Remus, and of he was honest with himself, he was hoping Remus was the author, seeing as he liked Remus for quite a while now.

"Alright Remus, I trust you to keep me safe, we can go when you are ready." Logan adjusted his glasses to look at Remus, who had been staring at logan with a wide grin plastered on, but slowly it wavered as he processed what logan had said. "You...you actually trust me enough to enter my imagination?" He asked, looking down rubbing his hands awkwardly together.

"Well yes, you may not have the nicest or cleanest thoughts and ideas, but you are a part of Thomas, and to be honest with you Remus, there are times when I prefer deciet and yours company more than the others. You are unpredictable and can be a bit much however, I have no reason to not trust you. You have never directly hurt me, or the others - well minus roman." Hoping that He didn't pick up on the emotions behind his words, Logan let out a small breath he didn't realize he was holding as Remus bounced in excitement. "Okay, let's go!"

Grabbing Logan's hand instead of wrist this time, Remus pulled logan into his imagination as soon as the other's eyes were closed.

Logan now with his eyes closed and his hand in remus' , he hoped Remus knew where he was going, but then again, He tended to know a lot of weird things, so he let himself get pulled along what sounded like a dirt path. Every so often he would hear humming from Remus as the walked. It had only been 10 minutes of walking but to Login it felt like longer, what with his eyes being closed and all that.

"Okay stay right there with your eyes closed." Remus had asked him calmly, with what seemed like nervousness in his voice if only a little.

"I.. uh okay" Logan replied trying to show as little confusion as possible. He could hear Remus walk towards and open something but, without the visuals he couldn't identify it, so he waited patiently playing with the various spikes on his wristband.

Remus slowly walked back over to Logan, a bouquet of wilted flowers in his hands (he tried for days to make living flowers but couldnt)

He gently tapped logan on the shoulder, "okay you can open your eyes now" he said with such gentleness that the other had not heard before, slowly opening his eyes and looking at his surroundings, he couldn't help but to be shocked. Up in the night sky there were thousands of glowing stars with a large shining moon bathing both men in a nice calm light.

As Logan looked around he noticed the partially alive trees and bushes that surrounded the clearing they were in. Remus had a wonderful imagination,sure, there were random creatures wandering around and random dirty jokes personified everywhere but it was wonderful in its own way. He wondered why so few were willing to see it.

Finally looking over at Remus, Logan noticed how he was already looking at him, with a goofy grin on his face holding what seemed to be withered flowers. "I know you are a hesitant person sometimes and that you like to do things in the most logical order. However demented or disturbing to the other my ideas and thoughts are, you help them to understand me better. Which I can't thank you enough for. So Logan Sanders...would you like to...go kill people together? LikeBoyfriendsShould? On a regular bases?"

It took a moment for logan to process all of what Remus had been saying, and if his thinking was right Remus was the author of the notes, and he was asking him out in a very Remus way...

For once Logan didn't have the words to respond, the side he has had feelings for, for a while is asking him out and to be his boyfriend. Before his logical thinking could stop him he stepped forward grabbing Remus by his jacket collar pulling him into a kiss.

Taking the kiss as a yes, Remus slid his hands around Logan's waist, kissing him back with passion in an attempt to communicate how happy he is. When they pull apart logan looks at him with a sparkle in his eyes that was usually reserved for learning. However right here right now, with Remus, in his imagination logan couldn't be happier, even with all his grossness or disturbing thoughts, Remus was the one for him.

"Thank you, and to verbally express my feelings, I accept your offer to be in a romantic relationship, Darling."

"Haha I figured from the kiss but thank you, to hear you say it makes my heart explode into a million pieces hahah." Leaning his head on Logan's shoulder the two sit and talk until dinner, to which they both go to, sharing glances and holding hands, much to everyone else's confusion. they lived punkily ever after.

I hope y'all like it, let me know if you do

Sorry for any errors in grammer or spelling, it isn't my strong suit

#sandersides #punk logan #punk logan sanders #punk remus #punk remus sanders #writing #intrulogical #royality #anxciet #be nice i havent written i years

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boulderuphill · 4 years

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Thanks to @figuringthengsout for tagging me 🥰 questions can be found here.

1. Which book would you consider the best book you’ve ever read and why? Ok so for this I am really torn, because I do consider The Goldfinch my favourite book. BUT I think I am going to go with Perks of Being A Wallflower. Because it’s a quick and accessible read with a fun narrative style that is still incredibly powerful. The first time I read it I cried three(!!!) times. I still recommend it to people, even though I read it almost ten years ago. 6. Are you the type of person who will read a book to the end whether you like it or not, or will you put it down straight away if you’re not feeling into it? I don’t want to be the kind of person who forces myself to finish bad books but I am :(

13. How do you chose which book to read next? If I own books that I haven’t read I always try to read those first. If I don’t, I go on my goodreads want-to-read and pick what i feel the most drawn to.

14. What is your favourite children’s book? The only one I remember really loving as a child, even though I did read a lot, is HP. But obviously that’s a bit of a tricky subject right now so.

16. What’s your favourite of Shakespeare’s plays? That’s easy; I adore Macbeth. Great plot, great characters, all around a 10/10.

17. Do you know any poetry by heart? Hmm I’ve been reading Ocean Vuong lately and like everyone i’m obsessed with “the most beautiful part of your body is where it’s headed and even loneliness is time spent with the world” (i’m sure im misremembering it now but the book is so far away im sorry :( )

26. A book you studied in school and ended up loving? I feel awful but honestly I don’t think this ever happened? I think the one I enjoyed the most was 2001: A Space Odyssey, and I’m luke warm towards it at best :(

#ask

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moonchildpages · 6 years

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The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas Book Review

@moreenchiladasplease @lazulishine @littlebookdragon2000 @theforgottencoolkid @im--just--procrastinating @shadowhuntersallies @beautifulpaxielreads @sometimesreading @lostinwordz @ganseytheboyking @a-traveling-book-dragon @writeblr-mostly-words

I want to start out by saying that this is a great book and anyone who hasn’t read it should. I finished it a couple of days ago, just in time too because the movie came out today. So definitely go and support the movie if you can! Anyway, moving on!

The Hate U Give is such an important book that deals with heavy topics like drug dealing, drug abuse, abuse, gangbanging, police violence, racism, and the #blacklivesmatter movement. Angie tells the story in a way that’s brutally honest. She doesn’t sugar coat anything. And, yet, she finds a way to balance that with making it funny and heartfelt. I found myself laughing and crying throughout this book. My rating of the book is a 4.7/5.

I’m gonna start getting spoiler-y now so keep reading at your own risk.

One thing I loved about this book is how the importance of family plays a huge role in it, and I mean family in the full sense of the word. The community that Starr grew up in, the people around her are her family, but especially Starr’s blood family. The characters were very real and rounded, especially Starr, and the relationships between them were genuine.

Starr’s relationships throughout the book are all genuine, but her relationships with her dad, her uncle, and Hailey are the most important and the most impactful. Her relationship with her dad was important because he was one of the driving forces that pushed her to speak up and tell the truth. Growing up, he was the one that taught her about black empowerment and black culture and black pride. He taught her to love her skin and be proud of it.

Her relationship with Hailey was a pivotal part of the book. Hailey was a perfect example of how blind and ignorant people can be to their wrongdoings. Throughout the book,Starr strugles with Hailey’s racism and how she should confront her about it and whether she still wants to be friends with her. While I was obviously rooting for Starr to cut ties with her, I understood where her hesitation was coming from. She had been friends with Hailey for a long time and was only just realizing how toxic she was. Ending a friendship isn’t easy. But, boy, am I sure glad Starr sucker punched her because she was getting on my fucking nerves.

Her relationship with her uncle, Carlos, was a smart move on Angie’s part. Making her uncle a cop was such a smart decision. It added more tension to the book and to the characters, and left Starr torn.

The whole Starr and Starr 2.0 thing was incredibly realistic and I’m so glad Angie did that. This is an actual thing people do, especially among people of color. They tend to switch between how they really are and how they are around privileged people or people they’re not comfortable with because they’re afraid of rude and racist comments about the way they talk or act or dress.

There were little things throughout the book that I related to. I’m Mexican-American and my family is a middle-class family and we were never able to go on vacations during the summer or travel at all really. That scene at the beginning of the book when Starr’s friends are complaining about their summers was something that I related to. I was Starr in that scene. I can’t tell you how many times that has happened with my friends and I’m standing there thinking Why the fuck are you complaining ???? and I always dreaded being asked “what did you do for the summer?” because I always had to answer with “nothing” There is so much that privileged people take for granted.

I will say, I wasn’t a fan of the writing. It was a very straight-forward writing style and didn’t really leave much for the reader to guess or assume because everything was already laid out on paper. But I also think that maybe it was written the way it was because that’s the way Starr talks and thinks; she’s a straight-forward person most of the time and maybe Angie wrote it that way purposefully. But, I did find myself wondering if the book would’ve been better if it was written differently. The writing wasn’t that much of deal to me beccause I was more focused on how the message and the story of the book was being portrayed.

There was a lot more I liked about the book, but I don’t want to go in depth because then it’ll be way way too long. So here it is:

mama carter is my fav! (she reminds me a lot of my mom with how no-bullshit she is)

angie touched on the different views of interracial couples! and i loved that!

chris was sweet and funny

i loved starr’s nana

THUG LIFE and what it means

‘the talk’ scene

the scene with starr and her dad in the car when they’re discussing tupac

the scene with starr and her dad after their house was attacked and he quizzes her

when the cops force maverick to the ground in front of basically the whole neighborhood and his children

before starr has the interview and she’s says she’s not brave and mama carter tells her exactly why she is

the way angie let people know people aren’t thugs because they want to be. they’re thugs because, more often than not, they have no choice

the protest scene at the end

the ending was realistic

the names of victims of police violence

again, just how unflinchingly and unappologetically truthful it is

I can’t wait to see the movie! I won’t be able to see it for some time because they don’t have theaters where I live so that’s gonna be a frustrating wait. But I’m still excited because I know Amanda’s gonna do a great performance of Starr!

#book review #book club #book club books #the hate u give #angie thomas #feel free to add onto the discussion guys!!#i wanna hear your thoughts on the book!#the rest of the month is for more happy than not by adam silvera #i hope you guys are doing well and having a great reading month!#i'll be asking for suggestions for november soon !#so start thinking up some books you wanna read next month #or if you already know what you want to read you can send it in right now !#sophie reviews books

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unkn0wnl0v3 · 4 years

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Day three ✿ Sep 16 ‘20

I have piano/keyboard today. I really like the class but I’m not good and I’m not really doing well in it. The teachers nice and we learn a lot but I find myself failing. Oh well at least I know how to identify keys and play Silent Night. I’m still kinda uneasy about the idea of switching classes. Especially cause I’ll be leaving people I really enjoy spending time with no matter the outcome, or I’ll remain in the class bored and dying. Urgh I just wish I could lay in bed and read books it’s too cold to do anything besides that. But I have to be a functioning teen.. eye makeup and all (T⌓T)! It’s all good tho:( I have Science and Digital Imaging today which is fun I like those classes. Hah I’m still thinking about my fucked hairline yesterday. And the lighting and the makeup I looked like urgh! I looked so F-ing scary! I looked like a bruja argh! I’ve been justifying my TC cause we have like the same age gap as my parents so it’s like

“k kool:)”

I don’t think my parents would like it tho they’d be like “ marry someone young” and like “you’ll die alone cause he’ll die first” but you pay a price to commit to any type of love. +my aunt and uncle would especially be hating on it if I ever told them I had a crush or actually dated him. Even though it’s like a thought that can only take place in the distant future like I’ll still think about it. I think we live pretty close to each other; he told us about places he frequents and he named all these places by myself. Rents pretty inexpensive where we live but that just shows he’s ♡rich♡ and that’s good:) I mean no one can just do four years at a private college and then just move to *current city I live in* and be a Highschool teacher like y’all. This dude like.. no one has this kind of money. And I’m not like overreacting people literally can’t afford to live here. Like people can’t even afford to be homeless where I live. And he’s young so like he couldn’t have like saved enough money to support himself fully. Bruh I really be making assumptions off a gtkm slide he showed us on the first day of school. Lmao I hate myself ^~^! Oh well I mean if I don’t have him anymore I’ll probs move on and forget about him completely.(08:32)

Bruh it’s easier if I was just like dying of something not that painful cause this school bullshit is hard af(09:11)

I really like all my classes, hopefully it doesn’t happen. I mean I’d rather be bored than be in pain which could be an obvious outcome of this situation. But I let my pride get the better of myself(9:37)

After some reflection I’ve realized my tc is literally so boring. He’s probs the most vanilla person on earth. However he is hot.(10:18)

I just finished my classes well i have one more but it’s in like an hour so idc yet. I really like my advisory cause my teachers fun. Hes one of those Ex ghetto asians that grew up in an ok neighborhood. I really wish I had sir today. Like even tho I havent been that contributy. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my academic advisor just told me I can go to an honors English, but I have to leave his class and my p.e class. Oh my god. Argh! And then I’d have a female teacher who I might not like and like ahhhh oh my god. I’m going to go cry I’m so stressed. Bruhhhhhhhhv I might have to ask my mom for help like I never do that but today i might ask cause like I know she’ll say not to or something. Ugh! I literally hate it here:0!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck! I’d ask him “oh sir what do you think should I I’ll miss ya tho cause Want to fuck you” bruh oh my god fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk(12:15)

I literally don’t know if I can make this decision like my brain is splitting in half rn wtffffffffff(12:22)

Ugh last week I left one of my classes and it was so hard to leave and like say goodbye and I didn’t even really like that teacher. But I’m in love with this one!(12:32)

I really like the class I have rn it’s digital imaging. It’s fun and stuff i made some real thicc bitches with coding. It gets me real calm like im so fucking stressed all the time but like she makes the day a little more enjoyable:)(13:49)

I just messaged Sir, idk how he’s gonna respond yet. Hopefully he goes “don’t leave ily” but that’s so dumb and won’t happen. Hopefully even if he does tell me to leave He’ll also go like “oh but yk I overlook journalism club” that shit would make me horny cause like he’s asking me to be with him (♡´౪`♡) ahhhhh fuck me honestly. I wish were in person and there was no covid and it was just fine and we could be together and blah blah blaaaaaaahh argh oh well I’m just a kid and he’s like an adult. Time will tell(14:51)

Update it’s six thirty and he hasn’t responded(18:28)

He’s cute ngl(18:59)

Hopefully he hasn’t responded cause he’s like heartbroken and torn between whether he wants me or I should leave for educational growth. But like literally bruh that’s obviously not like true:( but still(:(19:57)

I just finished a live with my friend and I realized that If I switch then my new pe teacher might make me do workouts on cam so like fuck that I’m staying. Ummm I’ll just like talk to him tomorrow after class and let him know everything.... well Not everything but yk yk;) Thats all loves<3(23:03)

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generalthirstclub · 7 years

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I Don't Need Your Help (squip x reader; part 1 of ??)

yo yo yo hey so i finally gave into my desire to write a fic for the first time in fifteen million years and DAMN IT ALL TO HELL it’s about a FUCKING COMPUTER

kind of experimenting with 1st person a little?? idk if I feel like it’s a little choppy or something i might fix it later because im planning to have multiple parts to this so i have something to do while procrastinating on homework ew

also the reader’s gender isn’t mentioned in this part (i don’t think?? i kind of proofread this but it was at like 2 am so i don’t even trust myself) but im probably going to use female pronouns when I need to- i promise it’s not to offend anyone I just find it easier to write fics like this with a singular gender but i could try to change that if needed

last thing;; this fic kind of loosely follows the plot of BMC?? very very loosely,, like some dates might change or times or things, i don’t really know at this point but it might not even follow the story at all idk idk but still

here is an anon throwing their sin at the wall and hoping it sticks

have this you nasty computer fuckers

——————–

He had to be joking.

A pill? A pill that held a tiny computer- that attached itself to your brain for no other purpose than to ‘help you be cool’???. It sounded asinine. But maybe I could understand. Jeremy was desperate. I didn’t blame him. High school was a battlefield; intent on destroying all traces of individuality and creativity, burying unique personalities underneath avalanches of essays and book reports.

I voted against getting one, at first.

Jeremy had Michael, right? They’d known eachother for what seemed like ages, it didn’t make any sense for him to just- want something new. Michael and I both knew Christine was important to him, that he’d do anything to impress her or to get on her radar. We just…. didn’t expect something like this. Especially something as shady (and honestly terrifying) as a tiny computer that you literally swallowed and had it attach to your brain. It was ironic. Jeremy had told us he’d heard about it through Rich- the very bully that tormented him half the time.

Of course, I didn’t know Jeremy nearly as well as Michael did. I’d only met Jeremy freshman year- I’d known Michael since the beginning of middle school at least. So it wasn’t too much of a surprise when I heard he’d went out and paid the ridiculous fee for one of the wintergreen tic tacs, but that didn’t make me any less worried.

I didn’t hear much of it the first few days. I didn’t have any classes with either of them, and the only times we’d see eachother were after school, and of course- Michael had work, and Jeremy had to get back home to finish homework most of the time. We didn’t see eachother too often, but we did have a commitment to meet up at the same coffee house every Monday morning.

I knew something was up when Michael and I were the only two who showed up the Monday morning after Jeremy had bought the stupid pill.

Something had happened. I didn’t know what- we texted him nonstop and didn’t get anything. Not even an acknowledgement for our efforts. Whether or not I believed in the 'SQUIP’ at that point was debatable. It would be quite the coincidence if Jeremy had missed the bus that morning or overslept.

Both of us got rather worried.

Michael and I made a habit after that Monday of staying behind after school, purposefully lingering by the bus stop to see if we could catch a glimpse of our now oddly-distant friend. He must’ve been getting rides from an outside source, though- he never showed.

It was almost like he’d dropped off the face of the planet, and honestly? If I hadn’t known any better myself, I would’ve thought he had. But I had friends in some of his classes, and they said he showed up, but…..

It was like he had abandoned us.

I’m sure it didn’t hurt me nearly as much as it did Michael. But it still stung- it was evident that after the second missed Monday Coffee Meeting that it was intentional. It hurt me more to see the heartbreak in Michael’s eyes when he realized it for himself, and if anything? It made me angry. Angry that Jeremy would do that to Michael. I didn’t care if he had a stupid computer in his head, telling him what to do- it’s not like it was controlling him or anything. Him being friends with us had nothing to do with his popularity, or how 'cool’ or how 'chill’ he was. It had to be a conscious decision.

And that infuriated me.

I wanted to find him. Talk to him. But I had no idea where to go- he’d abandoned all the places he used to hang out, like the food court at the mall or the field behind the school. It was ridiculous. Like he knew we were upset, like he knew what he was doing to us and didn’t care enough to even talk to us anymore.

We’d lost our friend Jeremy.

It was funny how my thought process worked after my mind began to comprehend the fact that Jeremy had made the conscious decision to opt out of our friendship- of his friendship with Michael of all people, even. I was a naturally irritated person by nature, which was my own fault, but it wouldn’t have had to go to extremes if Jeremy had just stayed with us.

I wanted to get the pill.

Not because I wanted to be 'pretty’ or 'popular’. No, I wanted to prove to Jeremy that that tiny computer in his head didn’t do a thing to separate him from us. He was lying to himself, using the excuse of the SQUIP to tell people that he was the 'new Jeremy’, that he was 'better’ and 'stronger’ now. And I intended to put him in his place.

Maybe if he came to his senses, he’d realize what he’d done to us. To Michael, at least.

Michael was against my plan from the beginning, which was predictable enough in itself. It took me weeks to get the image of Michael’s terrifed face out of my mind, and even now it still haunts me sometimes. He was scared he’d lose another dear friend. He was scared he’d be all alone in this school of savages. In this war against the very same people who he grew up with, who now made fun of him, spat on him for being different.

It took me a while, but I was able to convince him.

I had no plan of abandoning Michael. No, if anything, I wanted to be closer to him while I tried to pull Jeremy back from that dark abyss called 'popularity’. And hell, if the pill made me go insane just like Jeremy, I’d rip it out of my skull with my own two hands.

It was two weeks after Jeremy got his SQUIP that I got mine.

It was pretty painful to hork up all the cash, seeing as the weird drug-dealer-ish guy at the register didn’t accept debit for 'the pill’. About two months’ worth of earnings slapped itself down on the desk as I quietly requested the same crazy contraption that had torn one of my closest friends away from people that he had used to consider family. It would’ve been the understatement of the year to say I was scared- but at the same time confident. Maybe the pill would help me out or something in convincing Jeremy to hang out with us again. Then again, maybe the pill was a sadistic killing machine that wanted to take over the world.

Haha. Just kidding.

Still, I had no idea what I was getting into, and the moment the man led me into the back room I felt chillbumps rise on my arms. So I was actually doing this. It was ludicrous. Absolutely ridiculous- but I knew I couldn’t turn back. My six hundred dollars were in the man’s back pocket, and in seconds, a tiny gray pill in a small plastic bag was placed in my hand and I was hurriedly shooed out the door.

I moved to the food court as my stomach churned in nervousness and anticipation, the sharpie on the bag instructing to take the pill with Mountain Dew. At least it wasn’t a bad soda, I reassured myself weakly as I slowly stumbled over to the drink machine and shoved a dirty dollar bill in the slot, punching in the code for the cold drink.

I felt dizzy walking back to my seat. My senses were heightened- the cold of the can numbed my fingers, shoving its way into my thoughts as I sat down. I waited a moment or two. It could be life-changing, my next decision. I hadn’t heard of any way to get rid of the SQUIP; or at least Jeremy hadn’t mentioned anything. I did suppose I could ask Rich, but it wasn’t exactly my favorite choice…..

It all began to move in slow motion the moment I decided.

I was in a rather empty part of the food court, as not many liked to linger when all the restaurants closed down after eight. I supposed that was good for me, seeing as I didn’t want to possibly be seen as a crazy person if anyone I knew suddenly saw me talking to myself or screaming at nothing. It was for the best, I said to myself.

A part of me wondered if Jeremy had hesitated too. Did he just take it the second he got it? Was he scared? Was he worried? Upset, even? Or maybe he was happy. Excited. Because he’d finally be away from us, he’d finally have the chance to snag the 'perfect girl’. The chance to be cool. The chance to make his life perfect.

Unfortunately, we did not fit into his perfect lifestyle.

I popped open the tab on the soda and took a deep breath, shaky hands fumbling with the opening to the plastic bag. Why was I so nervous? I had something to prove. I chose this of my own volition. If anything else happened I was sure to have a panic attack- maybe it was better to do this at home…

Then again, I already was waist deep in the water. It was best to just jump in while I was at it.

Two trembling fingers placed the small pill on the back of my tongue, the strong peppermint taste making me recoil for a moment before I took a swig of the carbonated drink. I squeezed my eyes shut as the disgusting feeling of the oblong object sliding down my throat gave me chills, waiting for the sensation to end. Soon enough, the feeling faded-

And nothing changed. At all.

I blinked my eyes open. Okay. So……. wasn’t I supposed to start hearing things or something? I called out in my mind hesitantly, feeling like a fool. Nothing. Silence. I frowned deeply and stood. All that was left of the pill was a distorted minty aftertaste in my mouth and nothing more.

This had to be a joke.

Abandoning my soda on the table, I marched to the restrooms. Just to make sure- I wanted to know of every possible change, every possible thing that could’ve happened to me. But the nagging feeling in the back of my head grew…..

What if there was no such thing as the SQUIP?

What if Jeremy had forked over his cash and- instead of being disappointed at the lie- took the opportunity to just totally abandon us? Did he even believe the lie in the first place?

Had we done something wrong? Had we offended him? Hurt him in some way?

What could I do to fix this?

My worries rang clear in my ears as I stared at myself in the crusty bathroom mirror, hands gripping the sides of the dirty sink tightly as I tried to control my breathing. I looked awful. It wasn’t even because of the pill, I knew that- my stressing would make me look beyond my years once I graduated, I was sure.

But the thing that unsettled me the most?

The fear in my eyes.

And just like that, everything was spinning- I heard myself gasp as I collapsed to the ground. Pain shot up my spine. Someone screamed- or was that me? I couldn’t tell. I prayed the bathroom was empty.

'Target male inaccessible.’

My eyes widened. No. No. This couldn’t- it wasn’t real-

'Please excuse some mild discomfort.’

The voice rang out in my ears once more and I felt my body jolt as another wave of pain flooded my body, a weak cry the only noise escaping my lips. This couldn’t be happening. It wasn’t a real thing- the SQUIP didn’t exist- I had already determined-

'Calibration complete. Access procedure initiated.’

The world seemed to stop for a moment. Everything froze. The pain vanished abruptly, my thoughts froze, my heart stopped. I let out a shaky breath. My body trembled involuntarily.

'Discomfort level may increase.’

A shrill scream filled the air as blistering pain overtook my senses a second time, eyes squeezed shut as sobs wracked my body. Tears trickled down my cheeks freely. This was the worst thing I’d ever experienced. In that moment I wanted to end it all- I wanted everything to stop, the pain to stop, the problems to stop, the world to stop. I just needed to breathe. Just for a moment….

'Accessing neural memory. Accessing muscle memory. Access complete.’

A weak breath escaped my lips as my body went limp, all energy needed to sustain myself having evaporated. But I could still hear it. Could still hear him.

“___________________. Welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor.”

I closed my eyes.

“Your SQUIP.”

The world fell silent as I went unconscious.

#squip x reader #submission

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familyvisionis2020 · 4 years

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Day 1 - Asheville (2 of 2)

We got to The Mothlight around 6 and loaded in our gear. The sound guy is kind, learns or names, gives more bass mix in the monitor when the singer asks for it. I see our band name on the big movie broadsheet sized monthlong show poster and feel excited. In Asheville we take a walk and make fun of the murals, I tell the band about the Asheville 11 riots and the vegan restaurant that used to hook us up and memories of the anarchist scene that fees antique on my tongue. Kabir passes the rose water spray and so I take off my glasses and spray my face.

There’s a green room beneath the stage floor with a ping pong table and two dozen Battle Star Galactica VHS tapes and two water bottles with pee and an abandoned rocks glass. I beat Kabir in ping pong, Jeremy beats me, I think about the basketball game I quit last month because I habitually got too competitive and hurt or upset someone every week for weeks. I’m still on the group text for that game but I have it muted but I still read the texts.

We go upstairs and I read the first chapter of The Left Hand of Darkness over the course of an hour on a dusty velveteen mustard colored couch. Labor and Jeremy and John socialize and I’m happy to be left with my book, the sunset comes, the bartender arrives with a fuzzy jacket on, turns down the lights, puts on a playlist, takes plastic wrap off of limes. I’m able to get my friend from Carrboro who’s visiting in on the guest list which is nice. I get to share the kit of the headliner which means nicer than usual gear and mic’ed drums too which sounds so solid and big when I kick. I bring my own breakables though: snare, cymbals, sticks.

I find out there’s a few arcade cabinets in the back, make a b-line to the 1989 Atari Tetris cab. It’s not my favorite Tetris iteration but it’s a good one, joystick and two rotate buttons, kind of a soft high score situation because you can feed the machine quarters and prolong a game indefinitely. The longer the game goes the harder it gets though, and I’m rusty so it’s still a challenge. It’s a joy to play. The ecstasy of order, the familiar grid and cascade; the solid thunk of the joy stick isn’t unlike the satisfying fullness of a mic’ed kick drum. With a dollar I put up a casual second place high score and stop short because the opening band, Yeller, is playing. The lead singer is a femme with a merit colored crushed velvet cape, exaggerated mascara that I would call ‘corpse paint lite,’ dainty lace socks, torn fishnets, middle length brown hair that’s pretty but that has split ends. They remind me of how I looked when I dressed femme in Philly in 2015. I miss the way my girlfriend used to treat me when I dressed like that; I don’t miss the way most other people treated me. I miss feeling superior to boys who dress the way I dress now. I think about whether or not I’m much of a feminist as I was since I have conceded the battleground of the aesthetic, since I won’t show up for that fight anymore. I feel a wisp if fear and I am very comfortable. Earlier Jeremy Sharéd his kimchi with me; he said sometimes he just eats a whole jr in a sitting. Their band is hard to describe, it is rock, there is some bass solos. It does not sound like black metal or power pop or glam rock which are the genres my mind assumed the singer’s outfit signaled. The vocals remind me of folk punk, which in my narrow experience tracks with Asheville. Here are people in the front of the crowd bouncing around to the music and they look like they’re having so much fun and I try to let myself dance how they are, I find myself stiff but not too stiff to bounce a little. My body hasn’t done this movement pattern in a long time. In 2010 I would’ve called these people ‘muppets,’ a derisive epithet used primarily to excoriate such people for their putative positivity, lack of dourness, loud outfits and their bubbly interpersonal comportment, something like crunchy twee. Or is it deportment? I’m unbound by rigor typing with my thumbs in the van on the way to Knoxville. It’s nice to write slower and imperfectly.

The opener mentions us before finishing up which fees nice. We set up, slapdash soundchceck, I set up the breakables, change into shorts, fill up a water bottle, settle in to the cage of hardware, make it to the throne only after nearly falling over the cables slopped over the stage like black spaghetti. Big black electric udon, and is it the amps or the guitars who eat the noodles?

Before I know it Kabir has done his intro banter and my body knows it’s time to start the set, and it’s my responsibility as drummer to count off the first song and luckily we practice plenty and so my body knows just what to do and we’re playing and it’s smooth and tight and I let myself loosen up and I head bang and make faces and bounce all around. I know I don’t need to but I think the crowd likes it and I know the band likes it and as long as I don’t get too carried away and forget where we are in the song then it’s a great way to drum as so fun and exhilarating for me. I’m not so nervous like I was last tour. The set is smooth, over before I know it. I pack up quick and try to be courteous by coming back on the stage to ask Kabir if I can help him break down and I carry his combo off stage and get some water. The set was 20 minutes and my shirt is soaked with sweat, it’s a little gross but I feel proud like I have proof I worked hard for my band and the crowd.

I go back to check out the headliner, Yawpers, mostly to be polite and not at all because I am interested in hearing them play. I catch up with my friend from Carrboro before it gets too loud to talk, he tells me about when he was in his early 20s trying to teach his daughter to potty train and not doing a good job because he didn’t understand, anatomically and ergonomically, how exactly girls peeing worked. I like hearing about the story and when the band cuts the conversation short it feels like a mercy because I don’t have to respond or find a way out of the conversation. I wish that I didn’t treat conversations like a trap. I want to not be scheming for a way out of connecting with people. It’s something I can work on improving. I bounce around to the headliner, they sound like Led Zeppelin I guess, no bass at all, cool effects on the vocals modulated by a hdand-operates effectsbpedal mounted on the mic stand. After ~2.5 songs I slip into the back room where he Tetris cab is, pull up a stool, feed the machine 3 quarters and settle in. I push earplugs in and wipe sweat from my palms onto my jeans. I feel really really happy. I love playing Tetris so much. I forbade it for the most part in the last two years, one of dozens of activities I associate with a less stable past, a throwaway activity in a life where nowadays I believe my time is valuable, where I avoid ‘wasting’ time, which is the only way I used to spend my time. It is silly and pointless to play Tetris and I am the best at, here and now. I’m in the zone, my mind feels sharp, the joystick is responsive, I shake off the rust and I am knocking pieces around and finessing rotations in a groove, in the pocket, rhythmic and precise ad drumming, plus with visual proof. I lose track of time! That never happens lately anymore it seems like. Out of the corner of my eye I see Jeremy has trickled in and is spectating from a respectful distance. I love this, I love showing a small audience my curious pointless skill, I play harder and focus and do well. I get out of tight jams with ease. My play is a silk tightrope, or like watching a diligent curling pushbroom operator and the stone slides just exactly right into place. And I do that over and over and when I see my score surpass the high score I point to the score on the screen and later I find out Jeremy captured this on his phone and that makes me feel special and talented and seen.

I finally die but only after I’ve beaten the old high score by 100,000 points, a solid and respectable showing of ~488,000 over 3 credits and about an hour of play. I’ve gotten more than a million points on this same cabinet at the Quarter Horse in Durham but it took more than Han two hours and closer to $5 in quarters if I remember right. I get off the stool and Kabir is losing his mind in that warm exited way he does over my play, tells me I’m incredible, he kept thinking I would die and I kept not dying. This reminds me of how I felt about myself almost exactly two years ago. I feel happy and healthy and hale and held and whole, Kabir gives me dap and somehow Yawpers has not finished yet. There’s a weirdly long spoken word soliloquy from the frontman about his cocaine habit, ex wife, their divorce, some other stuff. Evidently this band had a write up in Pitchfork describing their sound as ‘an expansive vision of Rock.’ Expansive is the watchword as their set tips the scales at about 75 minutes and mercifully ends. I get to introduce my friend from Carrboro to Kabir and watch them connect which is lovely.

We get our cut of door plus extra plus we sold merch so we leave in the black which to me is a shock bc im used to playing show costing money. Our band is good and people really liked it and danced and came up to us after and gave what get to me like sincere earnest praise.

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selstonbloggergw · 7 years

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Heathers AU!

It's never a “good morning.” At Voltron high. Like any other school you have your set groups, all picked out for you before anyone has a chance to actually think it over. Voltron High was no different...yet. A young boy named Lance Sawyer was standing in front of his blue, chipped locker in the usual dingy corridor he'd become familiar with. A shabby and torn book between his hands. Now Lance didn't really fit in...anywhere. Not even the nerds would take him. His usual outfit was a loose fitting denim jacket with a colourful scarf wrapped tightly around his neck. Ripped and worn jeans seemed to contrast his floral shirt. “September 1st 1989. Dear diary…” Oh yeah, he also kept a diary. And one would wonder why this poor kid has no friends. “I believe I'm a good person! You know I think there's good in everyone, but here we are, first day of senior year and I look around at these kids that I thought I'd known and I ask...what happ-” Lance was rudely pushed out of his own time and hit his head straight into the locker door. Looking behind him, a group of “popular” kids ran off, yelling things along the lines of “freak, slut, burnout, bug eyes, poser and lard ass.” Y’know all of them classics. Only 1 of them even applied to Lance so it baffled him to think they'd use such textbook insults. It wasn't hard to insult him they just weren't trying hard enough. Lance turns back to his book with a sigh. He picks it up and writes while making his way down the corridor. “We were so tiny. We all seemed happy and shiny. Playing things like tag and chasing each other around. There weren't any groups back then. All we did was sing, clap and bake cookies...Hunk used to like baking. For some reason getting bigger was the trigger but I just have to hold my breath. At least we're graduating soon!” As Lance finished his sentence a jock slumped him particularly hard in the shoulder before turning around and yelling “WHITE TRASH!” Rubbing his shoulder Lance grimaced and turned back to his book muttering “I'm not even white…” “College seems like a paradise but I'll be lucky if im not dead by June. I know life can be ‘beautiful’ and all I can do is pray for a better way. We changed once, maybe we can change again…?” He looked up from his book when he heard a thud from the other side of the hall. A hipster looking boy had just been shoved to the floor by some much larger boys who were now high fiving each other. Looking from his book to the scene he rubbed his eye before murmuring out a faint “Just not today.” He knew how this would play out but he did it anyway. Extending a hand to the boy on the floor, Lance smiled and nodded. Immediately he was met with a glare. And a shove. Sighing for the 50th time that morning he simply made his way to the canteen. While on the way he continued his writing. “Once I get my diploma I can blow this town. I'm currently fighting a strong urge to strike a match and set this dump a blaze.” By the time He'd written all of his thoughts down he'd already made it to the creepy old canteen. A green tray that was digging into his side was jerked away quickly as the kid behind him had their food slammed to the floor. The jock in question threw his hands to his face before laughing out “Oops!” Another part of Lance’s diary was the “character analysis” part. All his recognisable classmates had a page. Under the boy who was laughing at the kid trying to pick up their lunch it wrote “Zarkon Sweeney: Third year as linebacker, eighth year of smacking lunch trays and being a huge dick!” No change it seems… In among all the commotion Lance seemed to accidentally catch Zarkons eye. With all the grace of a cat in a bathtub, Zarkon marched over and poked at his shoulders. “What was that skank?! You got something to say?”

Lance swayed slightly before averting his eyes around hurriedly as if searching for some sort of escape, a magic door to take him away. “Haha no! I didn't say anything! I don't even know how to English speak!” Was all he could say in his hurry. It was obvious by his tut that Zarkon didn't buy it, who would? But he didn't continue and turned back to his group of jocks. Ugh, how Lance hated them all. While trying to regain a small amount of composure a tap came to his shoulder again. He turned himself around and was fully prepared to fight for his lunch money, only to be greeted by the biggest smile he'd ever seen, a smile that could instantly make him happy. “Hey Shay” “Hey!” Shay seems to look behind him, as if debating whether to help the kid with his lunch all over the floor. She wanted to, Lance knew she wanted to. But bless her massive heart, she was too scared of rejection. Quickly, Lance licks his finger and flicks through to one of his first diary entries. “Shay Dunnstock, my best friend since diapers! She's got a huge heart, but around here, that's not nearly enough.” Clutching the diary to his chest, Lance smiled happily. Shay was Lance’s beacon of hope. She had stayed unchanged from these years in hell. Shay seemed to look at the book and smile before looking Lance back in the face. “We still on for movie night?” Shoving his book into a tattered little satchel that Lance tried to pass as a bag, he moved along the lunch line and grabbed an apple. “Yeah, you're on Jiffy pop detail.” Shay shuffled along behind the barrier for the lunch line. “And I rented the princess bride!” She said happily, hands coming together so she could rest her hands on them. Turning around to look at her for a few seconds before turning back to the lunch lady and dropping his money into her hands, Lance sighed. “Again? Don't you have it memorized by now?” Which wasn't even an exaggeration, Lance hears her mumble the words when watching. She rubs her neck before holding onto Lance’s arm as they walked back to the table. “What can I say? I'm a sucker for happy endings!” They were about to sit at the table in the back of the room. No one ever sat there because of the location...right next to the bin. Before they could sit down and enjoy their “lunch”, a tall man came up behind them quickly. “Shay Dumptruck! Wide load! HOOONK!” Is all the warning they get before Shay’s lunch tray is flying through the air, her food scattering over the floor and in her hair. Furious, Lance swivelled around to see whoever was pathetic enough to do such a thing. He should of guessed really. Lance had his diary page memorised, he was rather proud of it. “Sendak Kelly, quarterback. He is the smartest guy on the football team...it's kind of like being the tallest dwarf!”

Lance wants to punch him, he really does...but that won't help Shay right now. Instead he turns around again, putting a hand on Shay's back before slowly picking a few bits of food out of her hair. “Honk honk!” Sendak yells before high fiving Zarkon, who seemed to be lurking behind and laughing at the show. Lance was almost certain you could see the vein on his forehead at this point. “Pick that up right now!” He yells, moving from his place behind Shay to come face to face with Sendak. Well, more face to pecks than anything else. The two boys seem to share a look before turning back to Lance. “I'm sorry, are you actually talking to me?” Sendak hissed before moving closer to Lance, trying to loom over him. Somehow without Lance noticing, Zarkon had gone behind him. “My buddy Sendak just asked you a question.” He whispered into Lance’s ear before pushing him forward, chest meeting Sendak waiting fist half way. The wind was momentarily taken out of him but Lance stood straight back up. He was done, done with laying around and letting it pass.

He hobbles over to stand defensively in front of Shay. Standing up as straight as possible through the pain, Lance looks directly into Sendak’s eyes. “Yeah, I am! I wanna know what gives you the right to pick on my friend. You're a high school has been waiting to happen. A future gas station attendant, and even then you'll be lucky if they accept you!” Zarkon and Sendak share a glance before they lean in, arching their backs to tower over Lance. Cowering back, Lance makes sure he's in front of Shay. He wouldn't let them hurt her. Zarkon raises his first and Lance braces for the shap pain. When that pain doesn't come, he poems one eye and is met with an evil, sickening even, grin. “You've got a zit right there!” They both yell out before pushing Lance back so he staggers, falling backwards onto the bench of his table. “Oh my goodness are you ok?” Shay asks, fussing over Lance's sprawled out figure. He grunts before pulling himself up. Their little show had attracted a great deal of attention but people were still trying to hide their obvious interest. “Someone stood up to them?” “Wow! I could never do that.” “Why do we hate him?” “Why does he act like such a freak?” “Why did they hit him?” “I bet he cries himself to sleep.” He knew they were directed at him, knew he probably wouldn't stop getting whispers as he walked by. He was used to it by now, which is kinda sad… Batting away Shay’s fussing hands, he hauls himself up and drags Shay into the nearest corridor, away from all the gossip and voices. Lance may be able to deal with it but Shay was still too fragile for all this. “I'm gonna hit the restroom before next period, don't wait up! If worst comes to worst I'll forge some sort of note.” He said, patting Shay’s shoulder lightly. She looked up at him with big eyes and nodded before slowly turning to head to the next class. Sighing, Lance scurried off. He was ruffling a hand through his hair on his way into the boy's toilets when he heard it. “Ugh, grow up Pidge! Bulimia’s so ‘87.” The hand that had rested in his hair now seemed to absently pull itself down his face. Lance could just not be bothered with this right now.

He walked in and looked behind him quickly. ‘Huh, could've sworn I heard angelic music…’ Pushing it aside he looked on to the voice he'd just heard and what do you know! Standing there in all her bitchyness was Nyma Chandler. Powdering her plastic face while gazing into the mirror. She was decked out in her usual outfit. A red blazer buckled over a white shirt. She had pulled her pleated and checked skirt up further than necessary to show of her thighs. Speaking of thighs, she also wore thigh high socks with red and white diamonds on them. “Nyma’s right, maybe you should see a doctor Pidge…” The soft voice came from a rather large boy standing awkwardly at Nyma’s side. Hunk McNarma, wearing the same blazer as Nyma but in a vibrant yellow. He wore designer jeans that complimented his shoes that had been specially imported from England. As Lance finally brings himself to turn the corner, he's met with a croaky voice from the end stall. “Yeah Hunk, maybe I should.” He should've known that wolves always hunt in packs. Pidge Duke was currently hacking up her guts into one of the private stalls to the left of Nyma. Lance couldn't see her but he assumed she was wearing nearly all the same as Nyma, expect green. Seriously, they looked like a perfect Eurovision entry. Sighing, Lance hobbled over to the cubicle furthest away from the group and was on the verge of relieving himself when the door shot open again, revealing Ms. Flemming, or Allura as she tried to get the students to call her. Lance hastily shoved himself back into his boxers before the teacher caught a glimpse. Did nobody respect signs these days?! “Ah, Hunk, Nyma and-” Pidge vomited in the background… “Pidge...Perhaps you didn't hear the bell over all the vomiting but you're all late for class. And Nyma, what are you doing in the boys toilets?”

Nyma looked away from the mirror to glare at Ms.Flemming for a second. “Oh please. The boys toilets are much nicer, and I wasn't about to bring a boy into the girls toilets. No, that'd be weird.” Everyone in that room new exactly what she was actually in the boys toilets for and it momentarily grossed Lance out. “And anyway, Pidge wasn't feeling well so we're helping her.” Ms.Flemming seemed to glare at her spread out makeup assortment for a few seconds before turning back with a sigh. “Not without a hall pass you aren't, weeks detention to all of you.” She spun round to stare at Lance who was vaguely glad he'd tucked himself back in. He scuttled over to the taps. Hastily he pulled some blue paper out of his trouser pockets before scribbling onto it as quickly as he could. Lance was fully prepared for this turn of events, minus the plastic fuck cases currently staring at his back. But...maybe, just maybe, this was Lances chance? His opportunity to force himself through the thick layer of fake separating him from the Chandlers? Even in his own mindscape Lance hates referring to them as the Chandlers. Pidge and Hunk had been stripped of their names and made into Nymas puppets. Thinking about it though, was that really that bad? Sure all sense of decency is gone but it comes with status, respect and exclusive privileges. It was a split second decision. Wiping his hands down, Lance pulled out 3 more pieces of paper and quickly scribbled on them. “Sorry, but no hall pass no-” “Actually Ms Flemming!” Lance began with thrusting the paper towards her. “All four of us are out on a hall pass. Yearbook committee.” Was all he said, giving a cheesy lopsided smile in her general direction. She skimmed over the letters a few times, only stopping to skeptically look at Lance from under her glasses. “Well...I see you're all listed. Hurry up and get where you're going.” She spoke quickly before shoving the paper absently to Nyma. After gathering in the doorway to make sure the teacher had left, Nyma finally looked down at the now crumpled paper in her hands. “This is an excellent forgery-” she threw out her arm and pushed the paper into Hunks chest. “Who are you?” Palms sweating, he looked straight into her eyes. “My name’s Lance Sawyer, I crave a boon.”

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Part 1 done!!

Hope its ok! ^^

#heathers #voltron #voltron legendary defender #vld #musical #musical au #au #fanfiction #lance mcclain #veronica sawyer #pidge gunderson #heather duke #hunk garrett #heather mcnamara #nyma #heather chandler

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wecouldbelongtogether · 5 years

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My Valentine’s Day 2019

It’s February 13, 9PM in the evening when I started working on making a chocolate bouquet with my girl friends, Esh and Angel. We finished it around 12mn of February 14. I made one for K, Esh made one for her boyfriend, Denzel, Angel made one for Justeen.

Here’s a better picture of the one I made:

It’s just one of my prepared gifts for K. I thought I needed to exert effort for him so I really decided to make this bouquet on my own instead of just buying and then the yellow paper in there includes the song lyrics of the song I wrote for him.

So the Valentine’s surprise I planned is that after making thise chocolate bouquet, I went back to my apartment to get the painting of K’a picture that my friend, Melo, delivered earlier that night. After then, me and my friend Abbi went to Dangwa at around 4AM, one of my best friends, Tyrone, accompanied us too because he just lives nearby; to claim the half dozen bouquet of roses from the flower shop of my friend. It’s cool I got it for a good good price. Normally, half dozen bouquets price’s ranges from P1,000-1,500 that time because of Valentine’s Day but then as I’ve said, I got it for a better price. Thanks to my friend.

I didn’t get to take photos of the bouquet I bought because it was dark and we were at the road — kinda dangerous. Soon then, we checked the google maps to see the exact location of Jollibee G. Tuazon, the Jollibee branch where K works on. We have to arrive there before 7AM because his duty is at 7AM and I didn’t want him to see me yet. We rode a trike from Dangwa to Jollibee for P80.

I was hella nervous when we arrived there because idk if it’s the right place, none of us three is familiar with the place. We entered the fastfood chain and asked a crew if K works there, the first crew said yes and his duty is at 7AM. Then we saw the manager and talked about the Valentine’s gifts for K and she accompanied us and told us that she’ll keep the painting and the bouquet at their office until he arrives. Then she told the other crews “ang taray ni Kevin may flowers.” We all laughed. Then we ate our breakfast there and left around 6AM.

Tyrone went down at UST area near their place. Abbi walked me back home to Malacañang but we bought three stems of soap flowers in Mendiola to add up on my chocolate bouquet then we slept almost the whole day because we haven’t had much sleep yet.

Then around 7:08AM, K chatted on our GC and sent me a pm but then I was sleepy as hell so I thought later ko nalang replyan 😂.

Then I woke up around 12NN. I saw K’s message, he sent the photo below, I was so happy. Then he told me about the reaction of the other crews and staffs. It was overwhelming and beyond happy to hear.

After a while I messaged Esh to receive the one dozen brownies I ordered from Grabfood. I told her to hand it to K during their Admath class because I wanted to give him something for every place he go to that day. From work, school and house.

Soon then, I decided to take a bath and then after taking a bath I discovered that I was locked in the bathroom ffs. How unlucky of me. Abbi and Meshy went to the apartment to unlock me. We were kinda late for our 4:30PM classes. We bought stems of roses for our professors before going to our classes.

After then, I brought the chocolate bouquet at school thinking I can have it picked up there by Lalamove or Angkas to have it delivered to K’s house but then a sudden change of plans happened because Gian called for their thesis meeting and they’ll have an overnight at EJ’s place so I can’t have it delivered at K’s place. Argh.

Then Abbi told me K tweeted something and I should read it. I was surprised because he stopped using Twitter for quite some time already because he’s saving up mobile data and money. I also told Aleeyah to check on it as we talked over the phone. Then as I went on Twitter, I saw him change his cover photo and then he pinned his tweet mentioning me. I AM SO DEADT WSNFJADNKLDJAKLSJDKAJDKA!!! I cri uhuhuhuhuhu he is just sooo appreciative, you know?

I went home after classes and helped my friend Tyrone with his surprise for his long time crush, S. It was his first time to make a move to her and as his friend, I am here to support! I had to wait for the queue too for the alternate plan for the chocolate bouquet anyways. Then, Melo and Tyrone walked to S’s dorm to deliver their gift and I waited at the apartment. Below is Tyrone’s gift for her.

After then, Melo called me and told me there was a problem with the surprise, S was not at her dorm and she went home to her family because it was her sister’s birthday. Jeez! I walked to S’s dorm to check on Tyrone and Melo and I saw the misery Tyrone’s face. I know the feeling and if I were to put myself into his shoes, I prepared something for Valentine’s Day and then failed to give it to the person I really really like, it will really NOT BE OKAY.

So I had to help out. I chatted S, I had no other choice. We’ve been talking about KPOP for quite sometime already so it wasn’t too weird. I asked her where she is and told her we want to give her something. She replied quickly and told me she went home and she’s not at her dorm anymore. I told her if we can go there, she was worried because it was far away but then I told her we really wanna give her something so she immediately gave her address and told me to update her so she can welcome us when we arrive there.

After then, I walked back to the apartment with Melo and Tyrone (who is btw very sad) then I asked them to stop walking in front of St. Jude. I talked to Tyrone and said “mag-usap nga tayo.” He was still disappointed and sad — I can feel it. I told him he has to give that to S but he said she’s not at her dorm and he doesn’t know where she lives. I looked at Melo for the queue then I told Tyrone “papano kung sabihin ko sayong alam ko kung saan siya sa Malabon nakatira?” Then he was silenced and half surprised. I told him “pupunta ka ba?” Then he was having second thoughts because it was a risky and big move.

I told him “ngayon lang tayo nag-effort ng ganito ulit oh. Kung mag-eeffort ka ngayon, sagarin mo na.”

He was finally convinced, he replied “paano ako pupunta doon?” Then Melo joined in and said a good lie “nakabook na ng grab.” He said it to push Tyrone to continue this plan. Tyrone finally agreed. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED FOR ME AS A WING WOMAN. 😅

I told them I’ll stay online because I can’t accompany them there because I still have something to do for K.

After watching them leave, I went back to the apartment and waited for the queue again. Maybe I can have the chocolate bouquet delivered at EJ’s house instead. I chatted EJ and Gian and they agreed to help out.

I talked to Aleeyah because I was torn whether to deliver it to EJ’s house on my own or just have it delivered via Lalamove or Angkas. Aleeyah suggested to just have it delivered because she didn’t want me to pressure K with my presence and then I said, “yah. Di naman ako kailangan rin doon.” They’ll be doing there thesis, I didn’t want to interrupt them as well.

After a while, Abbi chatted me and said they’re at Mcdonald’s Legarda. She said it’s the right time to give the bouquet because she didn’t want me to spend more on the delivery fees. I said okay, I’m on my way.

I walked from apartment to Mcdonald’s — took me about 15mins. Then good thing, K’s seat was facing opposite my direction, he didn’t see me enter. Then I approached their table and greeted him “Happy Valentine’s Day” as soon as he saw me and then I handed him the chocolate bouquet.

He was blushing and hiding his face. I know that face. He always gets that whenever I give him something at my presence. But then, he was smiling so wide, that’s the only thing that matters.

Our friends were half shook though they expected it. They cheered and teased us. Abbi moved her seat so I can sit beside K. I was shy and kinda shaking wtf. Then they took pictures of us — ugh, I really wanted photos, thank goodness.

Then they started teasing us more, asking K to put his arms on me which he willingly do and I was half dead when he did, I mean, YOUR CRUSH, HIS ARMS ON YOUR SHOULDER IM DEADT.

U see me blushing and so happy lol okkkkkk!!!

Then our friends cheered for him to kiss me even just on the cheek and I was like WOAH. I told them “Don’t pressure him.” Then he looked at me and smiled.

After a while, Abbi brought up “Ngayon lang may nag-ganyan sayo mem!” Then K agreed and said “Kaya nga be, ngayon lang may nag-ganito sakin ng Valentine’s.” I just smiled watching him smile.

Gian and EJ went like

“Sana may ganyan lahat.” “Sana may mag-ganyan din sakin.” “Ganda ganda naman ni mem.” “Pwede bang makahingi ng isang chocolate?” “Papicture naman sa bouquet kunwari bigay sakin.”

We just laughed. K deserves all of it. I love him it.

Then after a while, I booked a Grabcar for them to EJ’s house so they can start working on their capstone. EJ told me to come with them but then I didn’t want to interrupt their work and I didn’t want to further pressure K with my presence so I said maybe next time.

I walked them to their car, Gian, Abbi and EJ entered the car. K pulled me for a hug and whispered Thank You with his eyes full of appreciation and sincerity. I smiled and said he’s always welcome. Then I watched him enter the car and leave. My heart. I’m just so happy to see him happy. I wish he is always happy.

I don’t really look forward for Valentine’s Day but this time? I went off my norms, went outside my box and walked a lot but I knew all my efforts were appreciated — walang tapon.

It’s sweet to see him appreciate and be at bliss. Thank you, K for making this Valentine’s Day the best one I ever had so far. :)

#self #personal #k #valentines

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allhailqueenmaas · 7 years

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ACOWAR Predictions

Rights to the lovely @abookandacoffee for all of these awesome questions.

I’m just going to answer all of these bc I need to get it out of my system and I’m about to EXPLODE WITH ALL OF THE FEELINGS I HAVE ABOUT THIS. Also this is going to be fucking long and foul language will occur. And spoilers (duh)

1) Do you want any other POVs besides Rhys or Feyre? Which?

Can I have all of them??? Ummm... I really want all of the Inner Court, Feyre’s sisters, Lucien, and Tamlin (only bc I want to see what the fuck he’s up to). SOOOOOOO basically all of them.

2) If you could only pick one ship, elucien, nessian, or moriel, to officially become canon (IE declaration of love or, ahem, physical consummation), which would it be?

The thing about Elucien is that it came out of FUCKING NOWHERE, but I know that Queen Maas does everything for a reason and Elucien will come into the light and be important in the plot and be THE MOST adorable couple in ACOWAR.

Nessian is just all of the angst and hate/love tension and I love it. I love it so much and I don’t know why, but I love it.

Moriel seems like the most likely one to happen, just based on the fact that they’ve known each other for A CENTURY or some crazy amount of time like that. But they’ve also known each other FOR A CENTURY AND HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING WITH THEIR FEELINGS. THEY TREAD THE LINE BETWEEN FRIENDSHIP AND LOVERS BUT DON’T CROSS IT AND IT PLAYS WITH MY FEELINGS.

I’m torn between Nessian and Moriel, but Moriel feels the most tangible for some reason, so I’ll go with them.

3) Do you have any theories about what will happen with the war?

SOMEONE IS GOING TO DIE SARAH SAID IT HERSELF AND I THINK IT’S GOING TO BE MOR AND FUUUUCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. My baby Az will not be okay and Cassian’s gonna loose his shit and Rhys will be heartbroken bc they’re close and Feyre will be heartbroken bc Mor was her first girlfriend. AND IM GOING TO BE HEARTBROKEN BECAUSE MORRIGAN WAS GOING TO BE THE QUEEN OF THE COURT OF NIGHTMARES AND SHE WAS GOING TO BE THE GREATEST QUEEN EVER. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

4) Cassian’s wings. Go.

OKAY. I have to be optimistic bc I have no other option. I am going to assume that the frame of his wings will be okay and hopefully there’s some kind of version of that spider-silk shit from TOG (that saved Abraxos’s wings) and that shit will save his wings. MY BBY WILL HAVE HIS WINGS AND HE WILL LIVE HAPPILY WITH NESTA AND EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY. OKAY? OKAY

5) Do you think we will see Miryam and Drakon? Do you want to?

I do think that Rhysand is going to get as many allies as he can against Hybern (while Feyre is kicking ass and taking names in the Spring Court!!!) and that will include Miryam and Drakon. I wasn’t really interested in them until I read this fanfiction about Miryam being Rowan’s daughter (credit to the author, I’m so sorry i don’t remember your name) and that got me interested in them, so I do want to see them.

6) Which character (outside of Rhys and Feyre) do you want to see getting the most developement?

Nesta. She needs to redeem herself and apologize to all the people she has given shit to.

And Azriel. He needs to figure out that HE IS WORTHY OF LOVE AND HAPPINESS. ESPECIALLY WITH MORRIGAN.

7) Tamlin: redemption or death?

Can’t he have both? I want him to redeem himself by switching sides at the last minute and apologizing for everything. And then he dies during battle, but no one is with him when he dies and no one notices until later when Lucien’s like “where’s Tam?” They find his cold body on the battlefield and Lucien broken-hearted and Elain’s comforting him and everyone else is either sad or angry.

8) Do you think anyone will die in ACOWAR (that we care about, that is)? Who?

LIKE I SAID EARLIER I HAVE A FEELING THAT MOR I GOING TO DIE AND I HATE IT BUT IT’S THERE.

9) What role do you think the other courts will play in the war?

I want all of the other courts to join the Night Court. I think if that does happen, then the Summer and Spring Court will be the most resistant. OR MAYBE one of the courts will be a DOUBLE SPY!!!! Who knows?

10) Are there any minor characters (e.g. the Bone Carver, the Weaver) that you’d like to see again?

SURI!!! And I want to see Lucien’s brothers and the Court of NIghtmares so justice will be served accordingly.

11) How effective of a spy do you think Feyre will be, really?

Hopefully, her eavesdropping techniques will have improved from when she did it in ACOTAR...

12) Which court do you most want to see in ACOWAR?

DAWN COURT. OH MY GISH I NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT IT.

13) Lesser fae - do you want to see more of them?

YES!!! I want to learn whether or not there are different types of species of fae or of it’s like humans, where they just have different characteristics but they’re the same species.

14) How do you think Elain will react to the mating bond with Lucien?

I think at first she’ll be like, “The frick frack diddly dack does that mean?” and someone will have to explain mates to her, but they explain it wrong bc then she’s like, “Oh. It’s like a lifetime best friend. I’ve always wanted one of those.” And then her and Fox Boy will become besties, but she’s still with her hubby who hates fae, so Lucien is like a little secret. ANd he lets her stay with the fae-hater bc he wants her to be happy (and he’s not a fucktard like Tam) And then one day she’s talking to someone (probs Nesta) about Lucien and Nesta’s like, “sounds like your in love...” ANd Elain’s like “Whaaaaaaaaa??.....” But then she thinks about it and she’s like, “oh crapdoodle, I am in love with him.” So she confronts Lucien about this revelation and he’s like, “I’ve always loved you, my daisy.” (he gives her flower related nicknames and it’s the cutest thing ever). And they live happily ever after bc Tam’s dead (see #7) and they rule the Spring Court.

15) Would you rather Nesta train as a warrior, or more of a strategist? Do you think she’ll actually be willing to help out the Night Court?

Both, but she’s a better strategist than warrior. I think that eventually she’ll trust the entirety of the Inner Circle, prob after one of them saves her life from a training thing or whatever.

16) Mor’s power - what would you like it to be?

I HAVE NO IDEA BUT SHE’S GOTTA BE POWERFUL AS SHIT BC SHES THIRD IN COMMAND, MORE POWERFUL THAN CASS AND AZ. And we know she has healing powers (from the end of ACOMAF) but isn’t that common?...

WAIT WHAT IF IT’S LIKE MANON AND ASTERIN AND SORREL WHERE THEY BALANCE EACH OTHER OUT

Rhys = darkness Amren = badass monster thing Mor = light???

Light power (like alina!!!) makes sense bc she’s upbeat and cheery most of the time. idk

17) What do you think the dynamic between Lucien and Feyre will be like in the Spring Court?

I feel like Feyre will use Elain against Lucien to get info or to keep him from telling Tam about her spying (that’s terrible, but...)

Or maybe Lucien will stop being so gray and he’ll side with Feyre bc they’re besties and so he can be with Elain and then he’ll be a spy alongside Feyre and he can get info that Feyre can’t.

18) How do you think the Cauldron might come into play in the war?

One of the sides is going to use it to win the war with the immense power it has. I saw something in a post by someone who caught this thing they saw in a book: apparently Cerridwen (one of the twins in the NIght Court) means “keeper of the cauldron” or something like that. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So hopefully that’s prevalent.

19) The mortal queens: do you think they all survived taking a Cauldron bath? What would you like to see happen with them?

Nope. I would like to see them die (except for the lion one) NEXT

20) Amren: what is she, really? Would you be ok if she got to go home?

SHE IS A BADASS MOTHERFUCKER AND IM SO EXCITED TO FIND OUT HER OTHER SELF. If she’s happy going home, then I’m happy; but she will be missed *insert sad face*

21) Jurian or the King of Hybern or Ianthe: who needs to die more?

Jurian is a jealous bitch and the King of Hybern is your typical dramatic evil dude but IANTHE NEEDS TO DIE THAT MOTHERFUCKER NEEDS TO DIE A TERRIBLE DEATH BY THE HANDS OF FEYRE. Just... WHAT A BITCH!!!!

22) What smut scenes would you like to see in the book?

ALL OF THEM???? Mostly Moriel (around the middle of the book, after Azriel comes to his senses) and Nessian (not until the very end, before the war, when she has apologized for all of her horribleness)

23) Babies - yea or nay? If you had to pick one couple to have a mini, who would it be?

None of the Inner Court bc none of them are stable enough to have a child. Also Feysand themselves said that they wanted to wait A WHILE before they did (ACOMAF, end of Chap 55). Not Elucien bc they’ve only met once and that would be messy.

I think it would be hilarious if Tamlin and Ianthe had a one-night-stand baby. OOOHHHHH and then Elucien would adopt the bby (bc those other bitches are dead) and he grows up all good and pure and he’s a part of the whole big family.

24) How do you think Nesta and Elain will react to being thrust into the Night Court after going for a swim in the Cauldron?

Sidenote: I love how this question is worded.

Nesta will, of course, resist it with every fiber in her being and then, with convincing, slowly accept it.

Elain will be uncomfortable with it, but she’s an optimist, so she’ll come round a lot faster than Nesta will.

25) How quickly are you going to read this book, exactly? Do you want spoilers? Or are you going to avoid tumblr like the plague?

Okay. My friend, who is also an avid fan of ACOTAR, and I have agreed that we will wait until the summer to read ACOWAR, so one of us doesn’t finish before the other and psych the other out, which is what happened with ACOMAF. So from May 2nd until after we finish Lord of Shadows, my friend and I will be avoiding social media like the plague. My friend doesn’t do social media, so she’ll be fine be fine with this. I, however, have a sort of relationship with Tumblr darling. so this adjustment will be.....interesting.

26) What are three things you do NOT want from ACOWAR?

In no particular order: babies, death of the Good Peeps, and Feylin sex scene (won’t Calamai happen while Feyre is in the Spring Court?)

27) What are your top three wishes for ACOWAR that you would metaphorically (or literally) kill for?

Also in no particular order, CASSIAN’S WINGS TO BE SAVED, MOR’S POWER (WTF IS IT), THE INNER CIRCLE BEING BADASS MOTHERFUCKERS KICKING HYBERN ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#wow #this is fucking long #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acowar predictions #acowar theories #spoilers #duh #thank you @abookandacoffee #for all of these really awesome questions #this was fun #and it took forever #i loved it

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