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thewulf · 6 months

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Emotionally Involved || Aaron Hotchner

Summary: Request - hi! can you write a hotch angsty / fluff piece based off the episode of s3 ep 20 where they go to NY and have to work with Kate Joyner and Hotch treats reader like how he did to Morgan and pushes reader aside bc even after reader being there for him after his divorce with Hayley and thinking there was something more but then ends in fluff? :)

A/N: Love me some Aaron Hotchner!! Here's a good old angst to comfort :) Thank you for the request anon! Also, sorry this took so long. Lost my CM inspo but found it again. Hope you enjoy!

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Y/N

Word Count: 3.9k+

“New York baby!” Morgan grinned giving your shoulders a squeeze as the two of you walked off the jet.

Shaking your head, you followed him down the steps and towards the SUV’s towards the end of the runway, “You’re far too excited Derek. It’s not like we’re allowed to have fun when we’re here.” You tried not to dampen his parade too hard, but you also didn’t want to get too excited to be here. The team had a job to do, and you needed to be on your A game, Hotch had made that perfectly clear to the team.

“Let a man dream sweetheart.” He threw you a wink before walking ahead of you towards the SUV.

The ride to the precinct was uneventful as the team chatted about the unsub and the profile. When you got there you nearly gasped when your eyes landed on Kate. She was a Haley look alike, that was for sure.

Her eyes never seemed to leave yours as she greeted the team and went through the case. You stood back as her looks turned to mere glares. The team was even picking up on it as Spencer nudged your side and sent you a questioning glance. You merely shrugged your shoulders letting him you didn’t know why she was acting so cold towards you.

The team got to the newest crime scene with concerned citizens watching all around. It truly never got easier to see the distressed faces and worry rampant throughout a community. A dead body laid there with a mere tarp covering his or her indecency from the crowd. A bullet to the head. It truly never got easier.

When you looked up at the camera and the position of the body on the street you shook your head, “With the placement of that camera, odds are the only view we’ll get of him is the back of his head.” You noticed speaking out loud as you were trained to do. Observe your surroundings and bounce off ideas with the team.

Kate wrinkled her nose before giving you a rather unfriendly look, “Let’s not be too quick to decide what we do or don’t have.” She spoke abruptly before walking off. All you could do was bite your tongue and give her a curious look before somebody spoke up from beside you.

“The duchess at work has spoken.” The cop from the precinct snickered before walking off leaving just you and Hotch behind.

Bewildered you just gave him a look, “Did I do something?” She was giving you and you only an attitude while the rest of the team caught a pass.

Hotch sighed before coming out with it, “FBI Brass has made it clear to her that if she doesn’t figure out this case she’ll be reassigned. And you are at the top of the list to replace her.”

You were sure you looked like a deer in headlights at that moment. You? You were just a low-level profiler who’d been with the team for a few years but nothing major. You were good, not great, at your job. You’d never really put much thought into promoting out of your job anytime soon. You loved where you were, the team, Aaron as your boss. It worked. And worked well.

“You’re joking.” Was all that spilled out of your mouth earning a tight-lipped head shake from Aaron.

He looked a little annoyed before answering, “Why should you be surprised Agent? You’re good at your job. People notice that.”

You shook your head, “I thought the Bureau was thrilled to have stolen her away from Scotland Yard?” Still not buying it fully.”

Your boss just shook his head clearly uncomfortable with the whole ordeal, “I don’t know. I guess the politics here are different. And as you can see, she doesn’t really pull the punches.” He gave you a curt look before walking away leaving just you standing there under the camera. What the hell just happened?

You stook there as the group reformed talking about the Tarot Card the unsub left leaving your mind reeling. Why in the hell would you ever be on a list to replace anybody? Was Aaron talking you up that much? Did Strauss notice you?

When you got back to the precinct Garcia dropped the bomb on the team. There was more than one unsub. The team was left speechless as discussion ensued.

Hotch spoke up setting the new plan in action, “Dave you and Reid talk to the agents here. Y/L/N and Prentiss, brief the police when each shift comes on duty tomorrow. JJ and Morgan you’re with me.”

You frowned not liking where the case was heading, “I think we should get out in the streets Hotch.” He’d taught you to speak up when you thought things weren’t right, so you decided to. You were a team after all.

Kate shook her head though, “I brought you here to create a profile.”

You noticed your team mates awkwardly looking away trying to avoid the situation as best as they could. They sensed Joyner’s dislike towards you. But you couldn’t keep your damn mouth shut. You’d thought Hotch would have your back, but you were surely mistaken, “Which we can give in the morning, and they can share with the afternoon shift.” You spoke back to her. It must’ve been more aggressive than you thought because Hotch just gave you a set of wide eyes as if to say, ‘back off’.

“We’ve allocated every extra man we have. This is New York City. It’s not like a few more people is going to blanket the city.” She spoke to you as if you were a child. A mere stupid child. You’d have normally shut up there, but your pride was hurt, you could admit that. She was attacking you, you had to attack back.

“I understand it’s a long shot Kate. But these guys hit mid-day.” You started to plead with her, trying to have her reason with you, “we could be strategic. Target INGRESS and EGRESS to particular neighborhoods. Position us near 14th, 26th, 59th…” Kate just looked away annoyed as hell at you. But you had to challenge her, there were lives at stake and you couldn’t stand it.

“Y/L/N, it’s not your call.” Hotch stopped you giving you the disappointed boss look. You gave him your best disappointed look right back at him. He was acting weird. You thought you knew the man. But maybe he was down bad for the Haley look alike. Maybe you weren’t as close as you thought you were. Some profiler you were.

Your pride and now ego was trampled upon as that just went down in front of your entire team. Giving a sigh through your nose all you could do was grab Emily’s arm and walk away. You had a police debrief to do anyway.

She just gave you a look as you walked away from the group, “What the hell was that?” She asked once the two of you were far enough away so that they couldn’t hear.

You shook your head, “Hell if I know. Let’s get this over with.”

She pursed her lips, “You good?”

Nodding your head, you opened the door to the room where they were all gathered, “All good Emily. Let’s deliver the profile.”

After delivering the profile and avoiding the curious looks from your all too nosey coworkers you found yourself walking back into the central office of the precinct with Rossi. You heard Hotch on the phone with somebody mumbling something incoherent.

“What’s going on?” You asked once you got close enough. Rossi grabbed at the back of your arm sensing the bad blood between you and Kate who was standing right next to Hotch.

“We’ve got eyes on one of them. Subway platform between 59th and Lex.” Hotch spoke clearly trying his best to stay calm. Calm always won out in situations like this.

But your heart dropped, “59th? We could’ve been right there.” You pleaded more with Hotch than with Kate. He simply avoided your gaze and looked towards Kate who looked frustrated with the entire ordeal.

“He’s got a gun! He shot her!” You heard Garcia through the phone.

Your heart broke even further. Did her dislike towards you get that poor woman killed? You looked down at the ground as chaos erupted around you.

“We lost him.” You heard the disappointed voice of Garcia through the line.

Frustration bubbled over as you let out a sigh, “We could’ve had that guy.”

“Even if we were on the platform. Odds are he would’ve gotten away.” Kate spoke up sensing she needed to say something, the case was beginning to run away from her.

“Maybe! But it was worth taking a shot.” You fired back frustrated that she wasn’t listening to you. You were used to working with a team that bounced ideas off of each other. Sure, Hotch made the final call, but he always included your ideas as a consideration, always. Kate just straight up would rather ignore you than consider that you might have a decent idea.

“We had every available man on the street!” She snapped back at you losing a bit of her regular professionalism. At least you were getting under her skin a bit.

“And we suggested to you that you use this very capable team.” Your voice was laced with irritation as you tried to break through to her.

But Aaron stepped in. And again, it hurt when he took her side over yours, “Second guessing doesn’t do us any good right now agent.” He looked at you, not towards her, you.

Fuck it. Might as well let him have it now, “Hotch, how in the hell am I supposed to look at these cops in the eye and tell them that we’re actually here to help them?” Your voice was laced with venom as you let your emotions take over. Fuck professionalism when people were dying because a woman didn’t like you.

“We’re here to present a profile, that’s what we need to do.” He looked at you so coldly you wanted to walk away. You might say something that could damage the relationship you’d managed to cultivate with him.

You couldn’t stop your fiery tongue that usually worked out in your favor, “I said to put us at those express stops, 14th, 26th, 59th and that’s exactly where they hit.” You tried to reason with your boss who was toeing the line.

He raised his voice needing you to tone it down, “It’s not your place to have this discussion Y/L/N.”

You raised an eyebrow in defiance towards your boss, “My place?” You noticed Kate looking the other way. She looked uncomfortable.

“You need to back off.” His voice was laced with that same venom you’d just spit at him.

You started walking backwards shaking your head, “We’ve got seven bodies Hotch.”

“Which is exactly why we need to stay focused.” He didn’t miss a beat as he kept his eyes locked on yours.

You did what he didn’t expect though. You cracked a smile. Maybe you were a little jealous, but you had to call out the tone deaf man, “Focused?” You walked forward so only he and Kate could hear, “From where I’m standing, all your only focus is on her Hotch.” Kate shook her head not really believing her ears.

“Take a walk, now.” He spit at you.

You simply nodded, “Sure, boss.” You waved to Rossi who looked equally as stunned at what was happening. He’d never seen you act so defiant. But then again, he’d never seen Hotch wrapped around one woman’s fingers so easily.

You walked right out of the precinct and down to a Bodega frustrated beyond belief. Unbelievable. Maybe you’d just torched your relationship with your boss, but he was being a real fucking dick to you. You were also being a real fucking asshole right back to him and her. You get what you give you suppose.

You’d found your way to your hotels bar getting yourself a nice cocktail and chatting with the bartender. You weren’t planning on going back to work that night, anyway, might as well get a little fucked up. Have some of the fun Derek so desperately wanted. But in the end you couldn’t. Wouldn’t. You were still on the job.

But you were interrupted on your first drink. Rossi spotted you taking a seat right next to you. You would’ve kept your mouth shut had it not been for the three drinks coursing through your system.

“I know.” You sighed as he sat down, “I was out of line.” You admitted knowing you were still partially at stake for the events that unfolded.

“You get a little too emotionally involved sometimes. I know the feeling.” He stated waving the bartender down for his own drink. Rossi was like the dad of the team for everybody, especially to you though. He’d taken you right under his wing once he’d joined the team. The two of you worked together well and he had a sense of duty to you. He needed to check in on his young buck.

You huffed looking up to him, “I just felt like Hotch was taking her side.”

“There are no sides here.” He stated simply watching you curiously. Did he know of the massive crush you were harboring towards the older man? You’d been so damn good at hiding it that it’d be a shame if it came out now.

You nodded your head, “I know Rossi.”

He didn’t let up, “Word is. They have an eye on you if SSA Joyner gets canned.” He stated simply. Your eyes went wide as this was brought up for the second time in a few hours on this case. First from Hotch, not from him, “People talk. But if she were to get fired it’d be because we didn’t solve this case.” He knew that’d be all you needed. You were competitive. Just like him.

“Rossi, I hope you’re not saying you think I want her to fail.” You took a bit of offense to that.

He shook his head, “Of course not. But I’ve never seen you push a superior like that before.” You raised your eyebrows thinking about what he said before he continued, “So, would you take the job?”

You shook your head quickly, “I don’t know. It’d be nice to be the one making the calls…” You spoke out loud trying to think.

“And dealing with the politics of running a field office?” He threw that question right back at you, “Doesn’t seem like you.”

“The B.A.U. wears people out Rossi.” You admitted quietly while sipping on your drink, “Look at Gideon. He was the best. And in the end, he ran away.” You looked forward and not at the man who was staring holes into the side of your head, “Hotch hasn’t even thought about cracking a smile in over a damn year! That man had to take a personal day just so he can have a conversation with Jack.” You groaned clearly frustrated, “What about you?” You asked, having to know what he thought. You’d just laid it all down on the line clear as day, “How many times have you been married Rossi?” You finally looked back up to see him nodding along with your rant.

“I get it. But I’ll make you a deal. If I think you’re losing it I’ll pull you out myself. But right now. I see someone who wants to get back on the job.” He looked down at the cocktail, “Or is there another reason you’ve gotten it nonalcoholic?” You looked down eyeing the receipt that exposed you so easily. He walked away patting your shoulder wanting you to follow him.

You’d suck it up. For the job and for Aaron. The walk back to the precinct was silent. Your heart was pounding as you walked into the room with the both of them, “Listen, about earlier…” You were looking at Kate, not Hotch, Kate.

She shook her head looking almost embarrassed herself, “You spoke your mind. I respect it. Let’s move on.” She gave you a half-baked smile, good enough for you.

When the case was solved it was too late for the pilot to take off, so the team went back to the hotel to prepare for an early flight home. No matter the time though you were always wound up after a case was solved so you made your way to the hotel bar that was open into the late night, thank goodness. This time you weren’t worried about being on the clock.

“You did well.” The familiar husky voice of your boss sent shivers up your energy depleted body that was still coursing with adrenaline.

Your eyes flicked up to the man you had yet to apologize to, “Thanks Hotch.” You looked away from him quickly before continuing, “I’m sorry about today, I didn’t mean to…”

He cut you off for the second time. This time much more gently, “It’s okay Y/L/N. It’s nice to see you so… passionate.” He almost broke into that rare Hotch grin you rarely saw since the divorce with Haley.

You huffed slightly not enjoying being teased by the man, “I just…”

“I know.” He must’ve had a thing for interrupting you because he kept on doing it, “I didn’t disagree with you, you know. It wasn’t our time or place. I didn’t want to step on her toes. It was touch and go there.” He admitted while taking the beer he had ordered from the bartender, “And then the explosion.” He paused trying to find the words letting you interrupt him.

You gave him a knowing smirk this time, “Are you trying to apologize to me Hotch?”

He bit his lip not having a damn clue in how he was affecting you rather severely, “I’m trying to say there are no hard feelings agent.”

You raised your eyebrows feeling somewhat daring. He approached you after all, “Agent?”

Rolling his eyes he gave you the smallest smile, “Y/N.”

You hummed finishing off your own beer, “That’s more like it Aaron.”

You, just like him, had no fucking clue what you did to him. You calling him Aaron? Oh, he was a goner. He didn’t want to admit how fucking hot he found you fired up in the precinct earlier on in the case giving your higher ups a piece of your mind. But he was your boss, he had to simmer you down before you really ruined your chances of getting promoted. As selfish as he was and wanted to keep you on the team forever he knew you were destined for much, much larger things. You were a natural leader, Aaron found that out quickly. You worked cases with ease and took on the difficult tasks without a second thought. He was constantly amazed by you.

This time he gave you an easy smile. It’d been a while since he felt good enough to smile. Maybe it was the weight lifted off their shoulders from solving the case to your casual flirting with him, but he was feeling good. Damn good. And as tired as you looked Aaron couldn’t deny how pretty you were. That easy gorgeous that never even had to try. He was enamored with you. As always.

“Is that a Hotchner smile?” You quipped not believing your eyes.

“Shh. Don’t tell the team.” You saw it grow just a little.

You shook your head turning your body towards him in the seat knowing he’d get the hint. Hotch was a top-notch profiler and he’d read you like a kindergarten book, with ease, “For the record, I’m not going to take that job.” You stated looking right at him seeing his curious reaction.

“Oh?” He looked at you with genuine curiosity hoping you’d elaborate.

You nodded, “Not ready for it. Have a lot to learn still.”

He let out a soft sigh of relief, “You may think that. But you’d make one hell of a unit chief.”

You grinned giving his hand a quick squeeze hoping you weren’t crossing the line with him, “Maybe in the future, yeah? I just wanna live for now though.”

“I’ll take that.” He grabbed at your hand this time holding it firm, “Have lots to teach you still.” He agreed with you hoping he wasn’t showing too much joy though his face, he still had to keep a somewhat professional composure in front of you. He was still your boss. For now. He just had to give it some time. He knew you were going to be something a little bit more special than just one of his employees. You were… unique.

You nodded, “I should’ve asked this sooner, are you alright?” He didn’t drop your hand, still holding it gingerly in his.

He looked down at his glass before looking up at you, “I’m alright. Thanks for asking.” He hummed hoping he wasn’t making you feel too awkward.

“Would you say anything if you weren’t?”

He shook his head, “Probably not.”

“Can you tell me if you’re actually okay? Your friend died. You were almost blown up…”

He stopped you for a record fourth time, “I promise, I’m okay. It’s adorable that you worry.”

Your cheeks surely lit up like a Christmas Tree on the holiday itself, “Somebody needs to. You’ll run yourself ragged.”

He grabbed at your other hand definitely crossing a line, but he just didn’t give a damn, “You don’t have to do that.”

You didn’t give him a second to argue as your replied, “I want to.”

He nodded flashing you that smile you saw early on in your career but was gone recently, “I’m glad it’s you then. If anybody is.” He admitted almost shyly as his eyes left yours looking away quickly.

You gave his hands a squeeze, “Just tell me if it’s too much Hotch. If I’m ever crossing a line. If I’m too much.”

He looked back up at you with the softest eyes, “You could never, ever be too much.”

“Too emotionally involved?” You pressed.

He laughed throwing his head back, “Rossi got to you I see?”

“He say the same to you?”

Aaron nodded his head, “He did.”

“That man will be the death of me, I swear.” You grumbled knowing what he was up too. He always said the two of you would work out and kept bringing it up now that he was single.

“You and me both sweetheart, you and me both.” He tossed you a wink before standing, “Come on, let’s get you to bed. We’ve got a long day tomorrow.” He held out his hand for you to take. Without a second thought you grabbed at it as he pulled you out of your seat. You were enjoying your hand being in his far too much.

“Whatever you say boss man.” You gave his hand a squeeze as he led you out of the bar and to the elevators getting ready for bed. The two of you sat in comfortable silence as two big cheesy grins coated each of your faces knowing something new was bubbling up between the couple. Something the two of you had been waiting on for a long time coming. One that you knew you’d happily accept. One you’d hope he’d embrace too. Little did you know he was ready to dive into the deep end with you, headfirst and all.

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cheeekycharchar · 9 months

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The Forbidden Fruit, Choices and Fear

[A GOOD OMENS META ANALYSIS OF AZIRAPHALE POST S2] I know everyone is still upset about that gut punch of an ending to GO S2.. and many are also extra upset at Aziraphale.. I'm in so much pain over it too but.. I have to rationalize that damned "I forgive you" line that broke all our hearts to comfort me until we get S3.. I basically overanalyze our favorite cocoa loving Angel to explain his reaction to the kiss and why we all need to be a lil kinder to him.

2500 BC in the Land of Uz.. Aziraphale, the Angel of the Eastern Gate, had the fear of God put into him. And this affected the rest of his immortal life up until that kiss.

Angels, after the Fall and the great war between Heaven and Hell, had the fear of the Almighty's wrath put into them. They all fell in line and stayed in line. Or else they'd end up like their fallen brethren.. or worse. But there was one lil Angel that had since toed that line..

"Didn't you have a flaming sword? Yeah, it was flaming like anything." "…Gaveitaway.." "You what?" "I gave it away!" As far as we've seen, this is the first time Aziraphale did something "bad". And he's already feeling the pressure. The guilt. The fear. He didn't follow the rules. He didn't do exactly as he was told. And suddenly, here's a Demon slithering up next to him and making him doubt his choice even more. The same Demon that snuck past the guardians of Eden and tempted the first human's into eating the apple, breaking the rules and getting them kicked out of paradise on Earth.

"Bit of an over reaction if you ask me. First offence and everything. I can't see what's so bad about knowing the difference between good and evil anyway. "Well, it must be bad.. [..] Otherwise.. you wouldn't have tempted them into it." "Not very subtle of the Almighty, though. Fruit tree in the middle of a garden with a 'Don't Touch' sign. Makes you wonder what God's really planning." "Best not to speculate. It's all part of the Great Plan. It's not for us to understand. It's ineffable. It is beyond understand and incapable of being put into words."

Already the seeds of doubt are tinkering in his mind. Stay in line. No more questioning the Almighty's plans. That's what got all the bad Angels thrown out of Heaven and then Adam and Eve exiled too.

"I do hope I didn't do the wrong thing." "Oh, you're an angel. I don't think you can do the wrong thing." "Oh, thank you. It's been bothering me." "I've been worrying, too. What if I did the right thing with the whole 'eat the apple' business? A demon can get into a lot of trouble for doing the right thing. It'd be funny if we both got it wrong, eh? If I did the good thing and you did the bad one." *chuckles* "..No. It wouldn't be funny at all!"

And then we get to season two's opening reveal. Crowley and Aziraphale had actually met before the wall of Eden.

"But that's idiocy!" {…} "It's not our job to advise the Almighty on the details of creation." "Well, then whose job is it?" {…} "Well, if I was the one running it all, I'd like it if someone asked questions. Fresh point of view."

And thanks to Aziraphale mentioning the Great Plan to Angel Crowley.. it put seeds of doubt into his mind. Making him question the Almighty's plans.

".. I'd hate to see you getting into any trouble." "Thanks for your help. And thanks for your advice. I wouldn't worry though. How much trouble can I get into just for asking a few questions?"

And then 10 million Angels fell. Kicked out of Heaven and marked as evil, unforgivable, and without God's love for eternity. Then we get the flashback to the story of a a prosperous man of outstanding piety named Job and how his life was destroyed because of a bet between God and Satan to test his faith even in adversity.

"What did he [Job] do? "Job? Nothing. Job's the nicest man in the world. That's why he's so perfect for the bet. You see, God was saying how righteous Job was and how much Job loved God. And Satan pointed out-- that maybe that was just 'cause God's been so nice to him. ..God's letting Satan destroy everything Job has. And then we'll see."

Now remember, the great flood wasn't too long ago. Where the Almighty wiped out nearly all of the human race with a big storm cause they were tetchy aka simply irritable, bad-tempered and annoyed. So this time, Aziraphale actually questions Heaven about this bet when he finds out that Job's children will be killed.

"Trust in God's plan, Aziraphale. Always." "Of course. So, once Job's trials are over, everything is restored to him?" "Even better than that. God will reward him with twice as much as he had before." {…} "I think they quite like the old ones [Job's children].. And if.. we kill them-" "-Aziraphale… we are the good guys. We're not killing anyone. What we are doing is simply not stopping hell. What they do is up to them."

His faith is wavering. He can hardly believe that Heaven would actually destroy a good man's family without truly understanding the fragility and consequences of human life/death; all to test him on a bet.

"Are we sure that Sitis wants to give birth four more times?"

Furthermore, they would be forcing Job's wife to give birth 7 more times despite Aziraphale's warning of them loving their original 3 children and that Sitis may not actually want to give birth to more children at her age. Hence taking away her choice. But thankfully, good ol' Crowley is the worst demon ever and is secretly protecting Job's children and goats. Something they're keeping between the two of them. And then during this deception… Crowley tempts Aziraphale with his first bite of food.

"Have an ox rib." "Are you trying to tempt me?" "Not at all. Angels can't be tempted, can you?" "Certainly not." "Well, there you are then. You're free to try the food."

A temptation he quickly falls into. A choice to eat the food and enjoy it to gluttony. Another sin under his belt. In the end, Virtuous Job passed his test but had the shit reward in return. Except Crowley and Aziraphale secretly saved the children.. which lead to Aziraphale lying straight to Heaven.. again.

And this is where he finally falls apart.

"I'm ready to go." "Go where?" "To Hell." {….} "But you have to. I'm like you now.. A demon.." "You think you're a demon?" "I'm a fallen angel! I lied.. To thwart the will of God." "Well yeah, you did, but I'm not gonna tell anybody. ..Are you?" *shakes head no* "No. Then nothing has to change, does it?" "…But what am I?" "You're just an angel who goes along with Heaven as far as he can." "That sounds um.." "Lonely?" "Yeah. But you said it wasn't." "I'm a demon. I lied."

As Crowley always tells him- Demons lie. And Aziraphale lied. Again. And now they're keeping this huge secret between the two of them. To never be spoken of or else possibly face the wrath of God. THIS scene right in this minisode here is SUCH an important part of Aziraphale's character and his future choices. And that's what it's all about, isn't it? Choices? The ability to choose between good and evil.

"Look, I am good. You, I'm afraid, are evil. But people get a choice. You know, they cannot be truly holy unless they also get the opportunity to be wicked." "Yeah, that only works if you start everyone off equal. You can't start someone off like that and expect her to do as well as someone born in a castle." "Ah, but no, no. That's the good bit. The lower you start, the more opportunities you have."

What we learn from this wee Scottish body snatching story is that something can be seen as evil but could actually be a good deed from a different perspective. And that Aziraphale truly believed that the lower you start, the more opportunities you could have. But he also believes in divine punishment. Punishment that can be dealt at any time for any thing. Big or small. From a few questions that make you lose God's love to selling corpses for survival money and accidentally getting your best friend killed or just having too much faith in God could destroy everything in your life for a bet. All of which he has witnessed with someone good (Crowley, Job, Elspeth, etc) losing everything that's important to them in the most horribly way. But Aziraphale remembers the hard lessons he learned; of inequality and responsibility of your actions and the choices you make.

Someone born into poverty doesn't get as much out of life as someone born into a rich lifestyle. Or.. a lowly snake and a lowly principality falling in love and being forgiven may not be as easily dismissed as a Duke of Hell and Archangel finding love in one another and simply being allowed to run away to the stars together without any punishment. It's all of these moments, these lessons that Aziraphale learns throughout the years that change his view on life but he still remembers the wrath of God throughout existence. Something as little as a question could get you kicked out of Heaven, eating an apple could get you banished from paradise or you could be the most faithful perfect and loved person and still have your entire life destroyed over a bet. What does he know most about the Almighty? They're "tetchy" and unpredictable.

"Aziraphale, Angel of the Eastern Gate. Where is the flaming sword I gave you, Aziraphale, to guard the Gate of Eden?"

He then conceals the truth to God themselves of the choice he made to give humanity a fighting chance of survival by giving his holy sword away. And is left alone without another word. Forced to walk on egg shells for the rest of his existence out of fear.

"So, giving the mortals a flaming sword. How did that work out for you?" "The Almighty has never actually mentioned it again.." "Probably a good thing."

That fear of the unknown consequences to his past actions.. his lies.. for good or for bad.. he could fall at any moment or lose everything he holds precious (aka his Angel-ness and Crowley).

"I'm not an idiot, Crowley. Do you know what trouble I'd be in if.. if they knew I'd been fraternizing? It's completely out of the question." "Fraternizing?!" "Well, whatever you wish to call it. I do not think there is any point in discussing it further."

So what does he always do? Deflects.. to protect himself. To protect Crowley. Not saying the real truth out loud. Keeping the reality of their relationship an unsaid secret like always.

But sometimes, actions speak louder than words.

"Should I say thank you?" "Better not."

Yet again, he breaks the rules. Doesn't even want to hear a thank you. Again, it must all go unsaid.

"You go too fast for me."

Crowley has always been one step ahead of him. Asking questions, falling, breaking the rules, etc. Aziraphale isn't ready yet. He's not ready to lose everything he holds dear to him by admitting out loud all of his sinful choices or else face the punishment he's been fearing for thousands of years.

"Go off together?" "How long have we been friends? Six thousand years."

Aziraphale starts panicking here. Crowley is saying too much out loud. Deny deny deny.

"Friends? We're not friends. We are an angel and a demon. We have nothing whatsoever in common. I don't even like you."

This bandstand breakup was literally Aziraphale freaking out about doing too many bad things dealing with the whole anti-Christ situation and Crowley getting too close to saying what they truly are to each other. But the fear is too much and he lies again. But this time to himself. Aziraphale has only ever wanted to do the good thing. To make the correct choices. To be on the right side. But he's always faltered. Made choices that he was sure were the bad ones. Lied on occasion. Kept secrets from Heaven and God. Given into temptations. And has always had this fear of God's Almighty wrath hanging over his head for millennia. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop. At any moment, everything will be taken away. But what could be the last straw? The straw that finally breaks the camel's back? To garner God's attention and punishment. It has to be something big. The biggest and most important part of his life. Something that matters to him more than anything in the world. His relationship with the Demon, Crowley. But he's learned. If you don't say it out loud.. if you keep it to yourself. Then you won't be punished. It's worked out for him so far. So why should he think otherwise? And then in the end of S2E6, Metatron gives him the opportunity to make a change to the Heavenly system. His chance to restore his best friend to his former holy glory. A chance to relieve all the suffering he's seen throughout history. A chance to make a difference. Despite all his secret sins, he's being given an unbelievable opportunity- one that proves that maybe he isn't as bad as he always thought he was. He's actually seen as worthy. But then Crowley gets angry about all this. He's against it all. He doesn't want that. He doesn't want to be an Angel again. He doesn't want to return to Heaven. He just wants to be with Aziraphale. And he finally says their best kept, unsaid secret out loud. With a love confession and a passionate kiss.

"You idiot. We could have been… us."

Aziraphale wants this more than anything but every instinct inside of him is screaming to stop it, to not let anyone see, to not let anyone know the truth. This final temptation. His one and true forbidden fruit that is the Demon Crowley.. and it's the one he knows he must resist at all costs.

The fear is overpowering. And the only words that come from his lips…

"I forgive you."

I forgive you for letting our unsaid secret out. I forgive you for trying to tempt me. I forgive you for refusing to join me in Heaven as a renewed Angel. But can he ever truly forgive himself for the choice he just made? Remember, in the end, Aziraphale is just afraid. Afraid to lose everything. Afraid to lose Crowley. Fear of punishment can be traumatizing after all. And it will all be fixed in S3. ;) HAVE FAITH IN GAIMAN!

..Sorry this was so long and drawn out but… I NEED SEASON 3 ALREADY.. (everyone! keep re-watching GO2 on Prime! and no more threats to the creators plz ^-^) Honestly, this was very cathartic to write and help me come to terms with the most heart wrenching painful TV kiss of all time D: But I need to see how their story unfolds. I need to see Aziraphale allow himself to make the choice to be with Crowley without fear of punishment. I NEED MY INEFFIBLE HUSBANDS. TOGETHER. T^T

PS. Literally as I was finishing writing this, I saw Neil Gaiman himself say this on his Tumblr, "But the story of Job is pretty central to the whole Good Omens conversation, including Aziraphale's bit of it." OMG I KNEW IT lololol

#Good Omens #Good Omens meta #good omens analysis #Good Omens 2 #Aziraphale #Crowley #ineffable husbands #Good Omens theory #go2 spoilers #character analysis #“I forgive you”

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sidsinning · 9 months

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the movie aint better ya goofs (don't read if you don't wanna hear my slander lol,,,)

"Movie!Gabriel is better than show!Gabriel because he actually cares for his son and gets redeemed"

istg this fandom's obsession with redemption needs to END

Morally better character ≠ better writing

Can I just get a piece of media that tells kids "hey, ur abusive parent was an asshole, and even if they had humanity you do not need to reconcile and forgive them in the end" bc I feel like that's what show!Gabriel leans towards which is great

Gabriel barely talks to Adrien in the movie and suddenly when he sees him under CN's mask his entire reign of terror, his determination to see his dead wife again ends in a tearful hug lmao come on now

("but the ending where Adrien suddenly loves his dad again???"- Astruc has been pretty blunt on Twitter that this perfect society you see in S5's ending is built off of a lie, so Adrien is def not gonna just keep that view)

"Adrien actually stands up to his dad in the movie!"

Movie!Adrien is legit a normal human boy, not a sentimonster who is literally physically incapable of fighting back against whoever has his amok

He DOES fight back (even in S1 as CN!), but people like to remember the show only up to S3. Guess what, he learns to fight back and stand up for himself through his growing bonds and relationships with those around him through character development ✨✨✨

Also, he is an abused kid??? In the show?? How can you knock him down a peg for not fighting back,,, 😭 Adrien's lesson isn't that he needs to learn how to fight back, it's that Nathalie shoulda called cps sooner!!! In the movie they are much more of an estranged father-son pair than anything abusive. So obviously the back talk is much easier too. Movie!Adrien gets to go out alone and with friends unless his dad has specifically planted an enemy where he is. Show!Adrien has been beaten, mind controlled, forced to hurt Marinette, isolated and locked up, etc.- he has been TERRIFIED of his dad multiple times.

"Marinette isn't an obsessive stalker in this!"

SIGH.

Man I am so sick of this complaint- the show has never rewarded Marinette for her obsessive behavior. BC IT IS A CHARACTER FLAW. One they use for cringe comedic purposes, but a flaw nonetheless. Every time she has done anything that hurts others in pursuit of Adrien she is punished by the writers. And bc the show has an episodic monster-of-the-week format, this plot is recycled a lot (which is its own complaint). And guess what? SHE STOPS BEING OBSESSIVE. YEAH. SHE STOPS DOING THAT SHIT- so what do you want now??? She grew out of it after it costs her the miraculous so why tf are yalls still hurling this at her like its a L,,,,

This Marinette is just a watered down boring version of show!Marinette. She's just a girl who gets insecure at times but grows confident bc she's Ladybug. Ok. So is our Marinette but MORE. Our Marinette is super smart, creative, resourceful, an overthinker, extremely kind and selfless to others, gets jealous and reckless when her emotions get the better of her, etc. She is fully formed even after watching just 3 episodes of S1.

Like the fact that they didn't even bother to include the oh so important hook of the show- her lucky charm power- shows they didn't care about doing this story justice- its so transparently lazy writing 💀 (miraculous of creation where??? CN gets cataclysm for destruction but what is movie!LB bringing to the yin yang table,,,)

Legitimately all the comparisons I'm hearing from people saying the movie is better are from those who just aren't caught up with the show where Marinette is no longer toxically obsessive with Adrien, where the plot/lore is insane but 10000000x better and more creative than what the movie gave us, the love square was much better developed EVEN FROM JUST THE ORIGINS EPISODES, etc. Istg these people stopped at S3 where the show was at its worst (if I were to pinpoint it)

Everything is so watered down or changed for the worse

Adrienette bonding was 1 conversation and 2 seconds about his mom in a voiceless montage. Marinette didn't fall for him bc of his kindness after a misunderstanding, it was bc he looked handsome in the library's light lol. He called her weird and didn't think twice about putting on his earphones to listen to more alpha podcasts. You really do wonder why she likes this dude over her partner CN bc they have no connection at all.

Movie!Adrien was an asshole don't you dare do show!Adrien dirty by comparing him to this ellen degeneres alien lookin mf

When movie!Adrien is crying after Mari reveals herself as LB, unlike the show, here you're like "yeah no you only like her now bc she's LB lol"

Anyways feel free to enjoy what you enjoy but uuuuuhhhh this movie getting a 3/10 for me would not rewatch

Oh wait the good things

-Visuals

-Some Ladynoir scenes were cute, like them playfully fighting with the accidental wall pin

-I liked Ladybug moving away from CN's kiss- nice hint of angst

-Chloe's coffee stain scene

-Luka cameos were cute

songs were bad or mid

ya das it

I guess feel free to talk to me in my inbox about your own thoughts if you wish (respectfully plz)

#ml #mlb #miraculous ladybug #ml movie salt #ml movie #miraculous awakening #sidrabbles #rant #making me dick ride for this show so hard is so sick and twisted but i cant let the germy stans remain unscathed #millionaire corporate ceo is ur manz huh come on now

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breadnauppercrust · 1 year

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some designs i came up with for the girls in miraculous. the idea was 'what if they could have multiple outfits like sailor moon, as told by ginger, or totally spies?' and 'what if their clothes reflected their story arc?' however, i kind of gave up on them because i no longer have time to work on it as much as i would like to, so below this are copy+paste from my wip instagram account. lowkey its fanfiction-y lol

Alya:

Alya redesigns! tbh don’t know if they’re cohesive but 🤷‍♀️

S1: dresses for comfort & is geeky - think DrWho/Marvel/Tumblr. Obsessed w superheroes & has dedicated blog for each one, & that includes LB. Beginning of her & Maris friendship, starts to dates nino halfway s1.

S2: Mari influences her way of dress, still geeky but experimenting w clothes. Ladyblog becomes popular, interested in finding out her secret ID. Is also investigating akumas, HM, The Who/what/where/whys. Lowkey figures out who ladybug is but doesn’t say anything. Has been given fox miraculous at least a couple times.

S3: notices changes in Maris behavior & confronts her. Becomes fox miraculous holder full time, helps LB figure out who HM is & shares all the info she’s found. CN lowkey pushed to the side, causing friction, bc wrapped up w finding out who HM is ig. Constantly wears a Fanny pack now for trixx. Goes w comfortable but stylish clothes (ig lol idk) also at this point is BFF w Mari

Chloe:

S1: wears preppy designer brands to impress mom, despite living in diff countries. Basic mean girl, her only friends being Sabrina and Adrien - whose a childhood friend & lowkey helped him attend school. Both know how it feels to “lose” a parent & Adrien has seen a softer side of her. Probably has a crush on him ig. Maris bully, jealous of her talents at sewing & making friends easily, & prob her knit tight family.

S2: still preppy but w 60/70s inspo. Given bee miraculous a couple times, has resisted akumas - info she uses to help others later. Helping ppl & being somewhat nice makes her feel good & likes the appreciation from others+LB. Maybe Mom moves back to Paris w half sister, Zoe - might be significantly younger than Chloe idk. Didn’t like her at first but warms up to her as season goes on. Sees lil sister copying her & their mom, has an epiphany ig. Connects dots on akumas & feelings & tries to be better.

Should Zoe exist tho??? idk

S3: preppy but more casual. She’s nicer but still sarcastic, has made a few new friends, treating Sabrina better. Still trying to get moms approval tho & follows her around, even to fashion things w the Agreste. Notices Gabriel is acting strange, more distant towards Adrien, doesn’t notice what he’s doing or where he’s going. pt queen bee ig, probably given towards the very end of the season tbh by Adrien/CN after being ignored by LB bc of RR involvement w finding out HM id. AND noticing Chloe change significantly in the past several months (?) does Adrien reveal to her IDK he is still loyal to LB but eH

Mari:

1st Mari is shy, her outfits are safe & she kind of disappears in a crowd. She just became 🐞 & isn’t 💯 with her role yet. She’s designed and made her own clothes but doesn’t wear them outside of the house bc Chloe, oof

2nd she’s now comfortable being 🐞 & that boosts her confidence as Mari, she’s wearing more bold colors & outfits that she may or may not have designed herself 👀

3rd 🐞 is now the guardian of the miraculous box, has bigger responsibilities & problems to deal with. Being 🐞 has creeped into her daily life. Doesn’t have time to design/make clothes so wears w/e, but tries to appear happy.

Kagami:

i like the idea of kagami being prim and proper looking all preppy at the beginning, but after making friends she starts to rebel by modifying her school clothes w accessories but eventually wears w/e she wants w a punkish vibe. lowkey worried about falling into a trope so idk

#miraculous ladybug #marinette dupain cheng #chloe bourgeois #kagami tsurugi #alya cesaire

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destinysbounty · 6 months

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Huh. I just dug up an old fan-theory i came up with back when i was like 15. And while its definitely way too weak to hold up against any real scrutiny, it at the very least makes for some mildly interesting fanfic fodder so i thought id share it with the greater fandom hivemind.

(Dont come at me about the holes in this theory btw, i was practically a baby when i came up with this and it was one of my first attempts at theory-crafting. Trust me, ive come a long way since then)

Anyway, the theory goes like this:

While in the lighthouse, Dr. Julien builds a replica of his son. But try as he might to get it to turn on, it never actually works. Whatever special spark brought the first Zane to life is inexplicably absent from this one. So he locks it away in his basement, and never gives it the light of day again. This is the reason Dr. Julien never told Zane about Echo, or brought him with them - because at the time, Echo wasnt even functional. Wouldnt even turn on. Was nothing more than a lifeless shell collecting rust in the basement.

So how, then, did Echo become sentient by season 6? Great question! But uhh heres where the theory kinda starts to go off the rails. So buckle up, folks.

Basically the theory goes that when Zane died at the end of s3, his soul still lingered in Ninjago. And his disembodied spirit eventually found itself drawn to a vessel that was similar to the one he'd lost - one his father had built yet long abandoned. But his new body lacked the memory storage contained within his old one, and his resurrection effectively gave him almost complete amnesia. All he could remember was his name and his purpose (to protect those who cannot protect themselves).

Meanwhile, when Titanium Zane says hes a replica, hes actually completely right about that. Some fragments of his code left behind from his visit to the Digiverse gained sentience and inherited Zane's elemental power, creating the Zane we know and love today.

But the original Zane, the one that died fighting the Overlord, actually ended up becoming Echo Zane. Which then would have explained why Zane had so many holes in his memories after being resurrected, and why his sixth sense became much less active as well - he was only made from fragments of the real Zane's code, after all.

Now, as the big smart grownup i am today, i can look back at this theory my baby self had crafted and poke about a million holes into it. But...idk, i always feel nostalgic about this theory in spite of all that. Not just bc it was one of my first fan theories ever, but also bc it would have such fascinating narrative implications if true.

Like, the idea of Mr. E being Echo? Well, if we apply that to the concept of Echo being the Original Zane, then his hatred for Current Zane takes on a whole new dimension. It also gives me a lot of emotions about the whole Ice Emperor situation, as well as Zane's apparent discomfort towards his own statue.

And what kind of position does that put the rest of the gang in? If they had to choose between saving one or the other - the Zane who died for you, or the Zane who lives for you - which one would they choose? Could they choose? How long do you have to love a replica before it starts to feel more authentic than the original? And in that case, who becomes the 'real' zane? The one you love, or the one you lost?

Again. This theory has more holes in it than the Titanic. Cut me some slack, i was an idiot child and also a novice at making theories. But giving credit where its due, i do think it at least raises some interesting concepts. And Ive always casually wondered what would happen if it turned out to be true.

Like i said. Fanfic fodder.

#god i wouldve made that theory...what? almost seven years ago? damnnnnn #wow im so old #ninjago #destiny post

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that-sarcastic-writer · 9 months

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Safe Haven (4)

Soldier Boy X Fem!Paramedic!Reader

Summary: You and Ben have been bonding for a few days, but after a scare, you both have an important conversation

Warnings: Foul language, talks of PTSD, some slapping (not from ben), angst, this is literally the slowest of burns, eventual smut, so minors dni, Soldier Boy bc he's a warning on his own

Like I've said before I write sb as less insufferable and horrible, he's still a dick but he's warming up to reader so he's nicer

WC: 3.2k

A/N: I AM SO SORRY. I know I left this tory forgotten for a year, and that's so not fair to you guys, and I am truly sorry for it. I've never been good at finishing my series. I tend to get blocked in the middle and I'm never able to get past it. But I started rewatching s3 again and decided to give this series a second try. And I think I have a much clearer idea of how to proceed from where I left off. I just always have a hard time with the middle. But I will do my best to not leave this series unfinished because yall were more than supportive to it and it's not fair to just leave you hanging. So if you stuck around thank you.

Next part | Series Masterlist | Soldier Boy Masterlist

The last thing you expected to wake up to was the smell of freshly brewed coffee and Ben, in the kitchen, actually cooking something. You were still a bit out of it from sleep when you walked into the kitchen, but you stopped dead in your tracks and your eyes grew at the sight of him, frown plastered on his face as he stood with a pan in his hand. You blinked a couple of times and snorted in disbelief.

“Since when do you cook?” You asked as you moved to stand beside him, slightly tilting your head as you looked at the slightly burnt sandwich on the pan. “If that’s what you would call cooking.”

“Fuck off,” He rolled his eyes at you and scoffed like he took offense to your words as he grabbed the sandwich from right out of the pan and took a bite out of it. His face remained in a frown, lips pursed into a displeased grimace. “I got hungry and you were still in your room, so I improvised.”

Well at least you appreciated him not barging into your room so you would cook for him. After you went off on him the other night he gave you space, he was just as flirty and inappropriate, but respected your space and wouldn’t antagonize you much. If he could do something on his own he would, but was still silently grateful if you ever did anything for him. And much to his surprise, you still allowed him to stay, for some reason. But he didn’t mind it. And honestly, you didn’t mind his presence either, if anything he was pretty bearable most of the time.

“Does that not burn?” You asked, eyeing him with big eyes as you turned the stove off and placed the pan on the sink.

He shrugged, “The Russians burned me with flamethrowers the size of your head for fun, so no, this doesn’t burn.”

You stared at him blankly, lips slightly parted as you tried to process his words.

“Right..” You simply shook your head, not even wanting to inquire further. You were about to walk away when you heard him say your name.

“That’s for you,” He said, pointing at the glass mug you usually use for your coffee, droplets of water already pooling around it like it had been sitting there for a little while. You looked between the glass of coffee on the counter and him, confused.

“You made me coffee?” You asked slowly, squinting at him with confusion. He grabbed a glass of his own from the counter next to the stove and he nodded as he drank from it.

“Why do you sound so surprised?”

You grabbed it and hesitantly took a sip from it, eyes widening in surprise. It didn’t taste half bad. So he wasn’t entirely useless.

“I don’t know. I mean, you cooked and you made me coffee,” You said slowly and paused, narrowing your eyes at him suspiciously, “What do you want? Is this your way of convincing me to fuck you?”

He laughed at that, tongue running over his pink lips playfully and an equally playful glint in his eyes, but he shook his head, “No…” His lips curved into a small smirk as he stood in front of you, leaning down close to your face. “Is it working?”

You took a deep breath, eyes wandering to the side to avoid his. You'd be lying if you said you hadn’t considered it. In the days he had been pretty much hiding in your house, you had grown to like his company, when he wasn’t being a dick of course. And he was irresistibly attractive in more ways you would like to admit. But you knew better than to let him in your bed.

“You wish.” You moved away from him and hopped on the kitchen island as you sipped your coffee, your face already flushing with heat, though you were glad he couldn’t see that.

“You know the offer is always on the table if you change your mind darlin’.” He winked, lips curled into a smirk as he drank from his coffee. You rolled your eyes at him and shook your head.

“How did you even manage to get the coffee machine on? I’ve seen the way you look at my phone, it’s like your brain is computing. Technology isn’t your thing.”

His face turned blank and his lips fell into a flat line, jaw slightly twitching, like he was not amused by your comment in the slightest bit.

“You can suck my dick, thank you. For your fucking information I’m not that stupid. I’ve seen you make coffee every morning for almost a week, I can manage to make some goddamn coffee.”

You were trying your hardest not to laugh, you had to close your eyes and exhale through your nose so you wouldn’t laugh at his clearly offended tone. And when you opened your eyes to look at him, he looked anything but amused.

“Jeez alright, don’t get your panties in a bunch. It’s not the worst coffee I’ve had, so.” Your lips curved into a half smile and he rolled his eyes.

“That’s how you like it right? Iced, a bit of cream and caramel?”

“Yeah, actually.” You said with a half smile, surprised he actually seemed to have remembered that, most guys you've dated wouldn't have bothered to remember even after months.

He smirked almost proudly and he hummed as he stood in front of you, and had your legs been open, he probably would’ve stood right in between them. You straightened your back as you looked up at him with curiosity.

“That’s a good girl. I like a girl who knows her stuff.” The words rolled off his tongue so naturally and yet so breathtakingly hot it made you inhale sharply. He knew what he was doing to you when he did things like that, and the worst part was that he would often just walk off, almost as if he was hoping you would chase him. Which you never did, as much as a part of you wished you did. “I’m a pretty quick learner, I can do things just the way you like ‘em, you just have to ask.”

And with that he walked off, smug smirk full on his lips at the sound of your sharp breaths and quickly beating heart. Your sanity and modesty could only last so long if he kept this up. And honestly, you didn’t see it stopping anytime soon.

~~~~~~~~~~

You blew out an annoyed sigh as you padded down the hall from your room to your living room, the persistent sound of Ben calling your name nonstop having pulled you out of your own space.

“Dude what.” You sighed out as you stood with your arms crossed and looked down at him. He was sprawled out on the couch, an arm behind his head. For a second your eyes drifted to his bicep under the soft fabric of the henley you had given him, and you had to force yourself to look at his face instead.

“What are you fucking deaf? I’ve been calling you for like five minutes.”

“Yes Ben I heard you the first five fucking times you screamed my name. I was busy. What do you want that is so urgent and you can’t do yourself?” You asked, leaning your weight into one heel.

“Do you have any drugs?” He deadpanned, not bothering to take his eyes from the TV. You stared at him, blinking a couple times.

“What?”

“What I said. Do you have any reefer or benzos or some shit like that?” He turned his head to look at you this time, face completely serious.

“Uh.. No? What the fuck do you want drugs for?” You asked, rubbing the side of your face, still trying to process his request.

He ran a hand over his face, fingers threading through his hair and he sighed heavily, looking up at the ceiling before speaking.

“I need something to help me take the edge off. I’m constantly restless, I always have this feeling like I’m going to punch a hole through a wall, I can’t sleep and I didn’t feel that way when I was fucking high all the time, so.” He said with complete honesty, he was serious too.

Your lips slightly parted as you thought about it for a second. You guessed it made sense. If he did have PTSD weed probably would help him relax. You knew that feeling pretty well. You sympathized with him even.

"Yeah okay. I know a guy." You finally said.

Ben gave you a surprised look, his eyebrows slightly raised. He definitely didn't take you for the drug type. But then again, maybe you liked to feel numb sometimes, too.

"Thanks sweetheart."

"Sure." You gave him a half nod as you glanced at your phone. "Listen, I'm gonna go out for a bit. I'm gonna buy some groceries and stuff. Stay here? Please. Your face is still all of over downtown. And with the whole Homelander Starlight bullshit I just don't think it's safe."

"Aww sweetheart, you worried about me now?" He sat up with a shit eating smirk that made your roll your eyes.

"Not particularly. It'd be less money I'd have to spend if you weren't here actually." He shot up an eyebrow with disdain and scoffed at you, making you grin. "I mean it, after what Homelander did in plain daylight, nobody's safe."

"What did that fucker do this time?" He asked, his tone suddenly changing and he sat up straight.

"Didn't you see? Oh yeah, you don't even own a phone." You sighed, "Homelander lasered a guy at some form of public event. The guy wasn't a criminal, he wasn't dangerous, he was just telling Homelander the truth to his face. So he killed the guy."

"In plain daylight? You're kidding."

"I fucking wish. I saw the video, it was all over Twitter before it got taken down. The worst part, everyone there cheered him on. He murdered an innocent person and everyone praised him for it. It was terrifying."

Ben sat in silence for a long minute, even after you were done speaking. His lips were parted but he never spoke. That was his son. His only son. He couldn't say he was a saint, he knew he had done plenty of wrongs, unforgivable things, but he had never killed a person without reason. Let alone an innocent person. He was disgusted, digusted that his own flesh and blood could do something so horrible. Disgusted that Vought made him that way. He couldn't live knowing Homelander was still out there like this. He had to end this. One way or another.

~~~~~~~~~

"Ben!" You called out loudly as you kicked your front door open, struggling to carry the multiple bags you so wrongly assumed you could carry on your own. You groaned loudly, the one time you needed this motherfucker. "Ben you useless asshole I need your super strength!"

Still nothing.

"I cannot with this motherfucker…" You muttered angrily to yourself as you pretty much dropped the bags on the floor.

You left the door open since you still had more bags in your car but you wanted to find him first. You called his name a few more times as you walked around your farmhouse. He sure wasn't downstairs. You went up to the second floor, maybe he was in the guest bedroom, he slept there sometimes.

Still no Ben.

You stood in the middle of the hall with a frown on your face. Your stomach twisted with uneasiness. Your palms began to sweat cold as you thought the worst. God, where could he have gone? He clearly didn't know his way around town, he had no car. And worst of all he was still wanted by FBSA and now the CIA as well in a joint task force.

He was gone. He was actually gone.

What was this feeling? You felt sick and lightheaded, and your heart was racing. You leaned against a wall as you took deep breaths. Were you actually upset he was gone? Was this worry and panic you were feeling? Your mind was racing with every possibility, the next being worse than the previous. Maybe he got hurt? Or worse, maybe he blacked out and hurt somebody else again. God, why didn't he listen to you?

You were drowned in your own worry when you heard heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. You straightened up, afraid someone had come for you, another supe, or the cops. You had been aiding a known fugitive afterall.

You didn't know how long it had been, but you heard your name. It was his voice.

"There you are. You okay? Why is the front door wide open?" Ben stopped at the top of the stairs, eyes furrowed into a worried expression.

You didn't realize you had been holding your breath. And you felt like you could breathe again. But the knot in your stomach was quickly replaced by your blood boiling. God, how could he just walk in like that? Did he not realize how worried you had been?

You were worried about him.

You hadn't worried about anyone since—

You didn't think, you simply marched in front of him and your flat palm collided with his cheek. You were so fucking furious with him.

"What the fuck were you thinking? Why did you leave without saying anything? Are you so reckless and careless that you didn't stop to think you're literally the most wanted Supe right now?" You were shouting at him, shoving at his chest like it was going to do anything. The man didn't even move. He was stunned, surprisingly not angry. If anything seeing you like this turned him on.

"Jesus Christ, woman, can I tell you my safeword first?" He scrunched up his face a bit. He didn't feel your slap. It didn't even leave a tingle, but it was more so the fact that you had the guts to do so. You glared at him and smacked his chest one last time before you crossed your arms over your chest, face fixed tight and fuming. "Why are you so angry? I wasn't gone long."

Did he seriously not realize?

"Why? Why am I so angry?" You repeated his question with disbelief. "Maybe because you could've gotten hurt out there or arrested! Or worse you could've—" You stopped, catching yourself before you said the words.

Ben raised an eyebrow at you, sensing the heat in your words, and he gave you a half nod of his head, knowing what it was you didn’t dare to say.

"I could've what? Go on say it. If you had the balls to smack me then have the balls to finish that sentence."

"You could've hurt someone." You finally said after a few seconds of silence, your voice much quieter now.

"Right, 'cause I'm the brainwashed terrorist supe who just loves to blow people the fuck up, is that it?" He lowered himself to get in your face, his words accusatory, but also hurt by your accusation. You didn't to outright say it for him to know what you meant. Everyone else seemed to think so anyway. You avoided his eyes, mouth closed. "What? You got nothing to say now?"

"I don't know! You're unpredictable, your powers are unpredictable. I'm not saying you meant to hurt those people, but you did Ben, I saw it. I saw all of it. It wasn't fucking pretty and I just—" You swallowed, closing your eyes, frustrated with yourself. Why were you so upset about this? About him? "I know you don't want any more of that on your conscience."

Ben stared at you for a long while, lips pressed together, and his jaw ticked with frustration, but he didn't snap at you. He just sighed.

"I didn't hurt anyone. I just.. I can't keep hiding here with you when Homelander is out there. I just can't." He finally said, his voice strained with emotions you just couldn't quite understand. "I went to see an old friend from Vought. I needed to know what was going on. I need to do something. But I'm…"

He swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing and lips pursing as he tried to say his next words, like it was hard for him to do so. You met his eyes this time, expectant.

"I'm sorry for worrying you. I didn't think… To be honest with you I don't know why you care but I'm glad you do. So I'm sorry." He breathed out the words with his chest, like he was lifting a ton of bricks off his chest and he could breathe.

Your eyes grew in size at his seemingly sincere apology. He had never sounded so genuine, he had never looked so much either. But he was, his green eyes were big and apologetic, and there was no smug smile, no grins, just a flat line and his big eyes.

"I'm sorry for hitting you. I was just worried. I thought something might’ve happened." You sighed, giving him an apology of your own, which he welcomed with a tiny smile and nod. "But I... Fuck, I'm still worried about what you're doing. Homelander is extremely dangerous, Ben. I don't think you should get yourself in more trouble than you already are."

Ben would be lying if he said he wasn't surprised by your concern, it made him feel strange, actually. No one had actually shown him such selfless care before. Everyone always needed something from him or were just pretending to care for him. But no you. Everything you had done for him you had done because you wanted to, not because you had to. And he still didn't know why.

"Listen darlin', I can't tell you much, but I can tell you this— I had a mission before you found me. I started something and now I need to finish it." You frowned even more, and he couldn't help but reach his fingers to smooth the tight lines above your brow, and for some reason, you let him. "I have done some pretty bad shit, I'm not gonna lie about that, but if I can do one good thing by killing that motherfucker, I will. I can't just sit here while he's out there doing God knows what and with nobody to tell him otherwise."

"I don't know what it is that you got yourself into, or that you got me into, but we're here now. I just ask you that you tell me what's going on. I think I've proven to you that you can trust me." You finally said with a long breath, but you still felt that pressure on your chest. "Do what you gotta do, just be careful."

His lips curved up into a small smile. A genuine smile. He hesitated at first, but something in his chest told him to do it. You had already slapped him once anyway. He closed his eyes for just a second and leaned down, his lips touching your forehead ever so slightly.

"Don't you worry about me, sweetheart. There's nothing that fucker can do that hasn't already been done to me before. I'll be okay."

He'll be okay as long as you let him stay because somehow, you have been the only thing keeping him sane.

#soldier boy x reader #soldier boy x female reader #soldier boy smut #soldier boy #the boys #the boys season 3 #safe haven #safe haven series

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suikamelon6 · 4 months

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Copy/pasting my twt post about meeting Samothy's Dale last night in Melbourne CBD.

Well 😅😜🤭🤭🫢🫡🫣😬 thanks to @moderndaylestat and Lene I did spy and I did witness Dale/TNR activities. And we did see the wonderful & busy Samothy. Gorgeous and just as sweet as usual but it was end of a long day and he was ferried away quickly.

I'll let the lovely gals tell their versions of meeting Sam with their own words. But here are mine.

Sam recognised me with the mask on (I wear it everywhere bc of someone in family is not well for months now so must not bring home the lurgy). He thanked me for my art that I gave him last time(!)

And I was like I got more art (like some street drug dealer) and gave him the Nicki w/ violin, the Wolfkiller and Lestat after Gobi desert art. He only had time to look at Nicki one, smiled and said "It's Nicolas!" (god I love that he's fellow VC fans!!)

He's got a meatpie in one hand. We took a photo (also with my kids who are prob his youngest fans). He kept getting reminded to get in the car. I told him good luck with the nomination for Aacta. He said thank you!

The crew strictly warned about not posting/sharing it anywhere (they were nice about it actually about everything), Sam then said "Or at least until S3 is out." He's so reassuring!

We saw Michael Lucas, Emma Freeman. I didn't see Anna Torv but she was around coz @moderndaylestat saw her. There were about 50 ppl working on this scene. It'd been raining steadily so the CBD was quieter on Monday night. Perfect for an outdoor shoot really.

I look back sometimes at these 'Samothy' happenings. Never knew whether we'd get to talk/meet him at all. This time was not even 5 min. I was tongue-tied but he was always so nice about everything, despite me being this weirdo who keeps giving him VC book-scene arts.

I don't know what else I could give to thank him for bringing that much joy to my mental health. IWTV has been like an anchor!

I was hoping that art prints are light to carry and not cumbersome.

Also I never got more than a few hours warning or guarantee that we'll def see him, to prepare other things.

Someone asked about his health whether he looked tired from back to back filming. I think he looked marvellous. So we all can be happy to know that he didn't look tired at all. I really don't think it's just the makeup. I think he's really happy to be there. And so was all the crew. First day shooting of the Newsreader S3 too.

The Newsreader S2 premiere last time was 15+. That's why this time when I asked my kids you wanna go stalk Samothy on the street of Melb, they jumped up and like say no more. They had a great time watching filming.

My other kid (14 yo) yelled at Sam when he was getting in the car. "You were great, Sam!" and he shouted back "Thanks!" ROFL. Both my kids were really happy with their first celeb-brush.

We never met ANYONE who's even slightly famous. Sam was a really safe, lovely celeb to meet!

#sam reid #amc iwtv #lestat #interview with the vampire #the newsreader #The Newsreader S3 #dale jennings

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hysteriaww · 4 months

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You get kai and bonnie so much together and individually everything you say fits them in canon so well it's too bad the writers really fumbled with them because when kai showed up he was a breath of fresh air and the best part about him is he's all about bonnie that was new and realistic bonkai was their last shot at getting the vampire diaries interest back up again

AH thank you so much for this lovely message, you're so sweet!! Yes, it really is such a shame the writers fumbled Bonkai bc it rly did seem like they had some great ideas there in the beginning, but the execution fell flat :( I feel like Kai was a breath of fresh air not just for us fans but also the cast & crew! U could rly feel their spark of new excitement for a dying show when kai showed up bc i think they all sensed that he was unique and different from the tired, recycled plotlines they'd had since S4.

Ian in particular seemed much more interested in his scenes when Kai was around (and much more lifeless when he wasn't) and Bonnie ofc was *given* much more interesting scenes when Kai was around, compared to prior seasons. Even Alaric & Jo, who started S6 as rick's new boring romance of the season, became relevant, layered and interesting bc of their links to Kai. Like rick loved to play the hero & act like damon was morally beneath him in S6 but his need to protect Jo from Kai brought out a selfish streak that made him go behind Jo & her fam's back to make shady deals w Damon & Kai as long as it kept Jo safe! Even Jo was revealed to be quite crafty considering her backstory of how she tricked & betrayed Kai in 1994, which made her much more interesting than her early role as rick's bland gf.

Even Liv & Luke were (im sorry) SO BORING in S5 but 1000x more interesting in S6 once their story got linked to Kai. His existence single-handedly linked so many disjointed characters & plotlines from previous seasons (like why'd they even bring Rick back after dying in S3? His relationship w Jo (and by extension, Kai) was the only thing that made him relevant for the rest of the goddamn show)! Even the Heretics were introduced to the show through KAI & the gemini/siphoner lore and fully lost steam as soon as Kai wasn't there to make 'em interesting!

As for Kai's links to Bonnie, ya i agree she rly was their last chance to make things interesting bc they'd already given Elena & Caroline "dark" romances that fans were too attached to to accept anything else (see: Delena being forced to stay together; Steroline forever being overshadowed in most fans' minds by Klaroline) so giving Elena & Caroline new pairings would've disappointed fans, whereas Bonnie was a blank slate they could've gone WILD with bc none of her canon pairings had strongly attached fans... yet they gave Elena & Caroline new romances anyway and scrapped Bon's romance with Kai :)))

That is what felt malicious. In S6 alone, they gave Elena who ALREADY HAD DAMON the new guy Liam, then gave Caroline the same guy Liam, Enzo (briefly) AND Stefan, whereas Bon *almost* got Kai & *fully* lost Jeremy in S6. ??? Any writer who paid half as much attention to her fans as Plague did (considering how much ott fan-service she wrote into tvd & how many twitter fights she got into w fans whose ships she disapproved of) HAD to have known her fans wouldn't accept Caroline/Enzo, Care/Stef, Care/Liam or Elena/Liam as much as they loved Care/Klaus & Elena/Damon. Yet she did it anyway bc she preferred LOSING FANS to giving Bonnie someone interesting!

She even planned Kai to be Bon's love interest in S6 bc she thought he wouldn't be popular w fans & instantly torpedoed that once she noticed fans' love for him bc, as I said before, Plague PAID ATTENTION to her fans' reactions. So fans having lukewarm feelings about Steroline was enough to get 'em married, but fans LIKING Kai was enough to get Bonkai axed. It's a common joke that Plague saw Caroline as her self-insert (neurotic, hyper-organized blonde control-freak) which is why she dated more men than even Elena. But I think a large chunk of tvd's white teen girl fans saw Care as a self-insert too (bc w each subsequent season, Caroline was increasingly written & designed that way, which is why fans turned on tvd's original self-insert, Elena, & worshipped Care instead).

Her "im never the one, im not perfect like elena" insecurities made her a blank canvas for (white) girls to see themselves in, which is why she wins Miss Mystic Falls, why she's a privileged Founding Fam member, why she gets to dress fancy & go to Mikaelson balls that have nothing to do w her, why she gets ALL the men, why she becomes the 1st vampire to be pregnant, why she gets to marry Stefan (then instantly lose him so she can go kiss Klaus in the spin-off), why she gets to be tvd's last vampire standing, why she repeatedly gets to have her cake and eat it too. By presenting Elena as "perfect/ideal" & Caroline as an "underdog," fans naturally sympathized more with Care's "struggle" (even tho she repeatedly got EVERYTHING!) Based on this, Plague refused to let ppl like Klaus date Bonnie (which would've made sense) but shoved him w Caroline (which didn't make narrative sense) bc that gave her & white fans the chance to see themselves in Care & feel like THEY were dating Klaus.

(Btw I wanna add that I actually do like & enjoy Caroline! This is a critique of the shadiness that went into *writing* Caroline, not a critique of Caroline herself)

Similarly, Kai was allowed to want Bonnie as long as fans didn't like him, but once he got popular, Plague killed Bonkai bc she believed that she & her (white) fans wouldn't be able to see themselves in Bonnie and feel like THEY were the ones dating Kai. But Kai was not Klaus, Stefan, Damon, Enzo or Kol. His character was CONCEIVED w Bonnie in mind to the point that erasing his obsession w her would make him not even feel like KAI anymore. And that wouldn't work bc fans wanted gucci kai, not walmart kai. Also, his general personality quirks were just not the type that would vibe w Caroline. Chris Wood said it himself, "Kai likes to be the one who talks, he doesn't like to listen, so I think Caroline might make him wanna snap her neck & move on" bc Caroline ALSO likes to talk. So writing him w Care would change Kai too much & writing him w Elena was not an option bc Delena was set in stone & Nina was leaving. So, how'd plague have her cake & eat it too? She refused to let Bon have Kai, and bc there was no other white girl who made sense for him, she kept Kai eternally single so white fans could eternally imagine themselves w him.

And uk what's the worst part? I don't believe all white fans would've necessarily struggled to see themselves in Bonnie if she'd dated Kai. I think Bonnie being the ACTUAL underdog struggler of the show made her very relatable to people, regardless of what your race is (esp bc tvd rarely addressed her race or centered any plotlines on it). I think Plague's own subconscious biases just made it impossible for her to fathom seeing herself in a PoC character, which is why she wrongly assumed all her majority white fans worked the same way & letting Bonkai happen would've disappointed them & made them stop watching. (But that being said, even if it was just a "business decision" to her... isn't it funny how disappointing masses of white klaroline fans didn't stop her from tossing Care at stef, enzo, whoever she wanted, but ONLY stopped her when it came to Bonnie's ships (bc she was looking for excuses to scrap 'em anyway)? Oh plagueee ur biases are showing, girlieee)

#bonkai #kai parker #bonnie bennett #bonnie bennett x kai parker #bonnie x kai #tvd #bonkamily #josette laughlin #caroline forbes #headcanon #asks #mine

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waddingham · 8 months

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was looking at some very old posts of mine and i just. when i finished s2 of ted lasso i was certain that a) ted would be going back to kansas and that b) ted and rebecca would not end up together on our screens. and i didn't have a problem with either of those things bc i was certain they'd be done with the same thoughtfulness that was present in s1 and most of s2. and i ended up being right about both things but so totally wrong about the execution of both??? yeah okay i hear you there was a three season arc, there was a plan, but wrt s3 you cannot convince me that plan consisted of anything that happened outside of "ted goes home". and even that decision felt shoved to the wayside.

i was dead certain that teds decision to go back was going to be informed by a deep exploration of ted and his past and his trauma and how the loss of his dad affects his own sense of fatherhood, that it was going to be ted's season entirely and would be as heart wrenching and uplifting as the rest of his story — so much so that by the time he decided he needed to go back, that we'd all be so on board. we'd all feel "oh of course he has to go back, look how much henry needs him and how much ted needs henry, how deep his fear of not being there for his son goes". why didn't we get that why did ted feel like a supporting character in his own show in his own SEASON why didn't the deeply traumatic event that informs almost all of ted as a character ever come up when it's so relevant to all of this why!!!! i need a 30 page essay from each of the ted lasso writers and a week long conference with js to explain it to me like im 5!!!!! am I stupid!!!

right anyway

when it comes to ted and rebecca i have less gripes but still am so baffled at the number of parallels drawn and connections made and support given to say "yes they're kind of intrinsically tied" for ZERO acknowledgement of it? which brings me back to the first point because that journey for ted could've leant itself so nicely to rebecca returning the kind of support to ted that he gave her? which in turn could've added a lovely extra layer to rebecca's story by seeing her find additional comfort and confidence in her own ability to support someone else and give love? it all could've woven together so neatly?? like??? am i stupid????? whether they ever hit the romance threshold or not (setting aside the fact of just how many and how often they tried to invoke rom coms but went "oh ew romance? no" when given a perfect opportunity to say something timeless but refreshing about second chance loves) continuing to see them grow together the way they had already accentuated through the whole rest of the show would've been more than enough for me personally. even if there was a heartbreaking parting it would've felt......earned? it would've felt right? just as fair to the viewer after absorbing all these things as it was to the story?

anyway......i feel like I'm missing something every time I think about it

#'get over it' you say. but i simply cant. the opportunities missed haunt me.#my thoughts have been tumbling my brain smooth so they have to be out. sorry #ted lasso negative perhaps ?#also like. i didnt want to get into it too but the way they did roy and jamie will never leave my brain like.#they said 'men cant unlearn misogyny' with their whole chest huh? thats the note they wanted to leave us on?

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themolluscasometimes · 5 months

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(if you havent seen dmeon slayer s3 or read the mange this has spoilers)

okay no but look-

who tf. gave genya a sword an told him to go to final selection

It's stated that Genya calmed down and mellowed out after getting Gyomei to train him. ALSO he got mega buff between when we see him at final selection and when he see him next like yeah he obviously had a growth spurt but the point is he went from scrawny to brawny. He was also a giant asshole at final selection so like. Genya 100% only got trained by gyomei after passing final selection.

Which MEANS either someone ELSE sent a kid that cant use breathing to final selection with a sword OR he got himself there. I dont believe anyone wouldve willingly sent him given how important breathing is to the demon slayer corp

also. The only trainers we really see are hashira or former hashira. Im SO convinced there are other that we don't see given that not every water breather couldve been taught by Urokodaki but it still makes sense that these teachers are retired professional demon slayers that lived long enough to be no longer in active service even if they aren't hashira

which leaves us with options:

OPTION 1:

genya tried to learn breathing from a cultivator/some other demon slayer, failed, stole a nichirin sword and probably shook the poor sod down to get info on the when and where for final selection

OPTION 1a

When the person who tried to teach breathing to Genya refused to continue after finding out he cant Breathe Right, said teacher was too strong for genya to really do anything about it (see: they're teaching him and it seems likely that the teachers of demon slayer tend to be upper ranked at least) Genya fucked off and assaulted some weak random demon slayer to steal a sword from and get info

Or, you know, something along these lines because he had to get a nichirin sword and infomraiton from somewhere, and Im doubtful it was willingly given to him since he like. cant fucking breathe.

HOWEVER

when we see him at the end of final selection, he's like. mega obsessed with the sword thing. like. super. like yes these are special swords but here's the thing everyone there already has one of the special swords, just not one of their own.

It kinda maybe implies that Genya. Doesnt have a special sword. So.

OPTION TWO:

Genya has been roughing it with a regular ass sword for seven days and given that he can't Breathe his primary form of defense would've been step one: cut the demons arm off. step two: monch. step three: beat the demon to within an inch of its life with demon enhanced brute strength until he can get away or force it die in the sun.

In which case Genya was not likely to be doing much direct demon slaying during those seven days.

(even if he HAD a nichirin sword theres no guarantee that without breathing he wouldve been strong enough or skilful enough to use it to kill all the demons he ran across but given how obsessed and intense he is with getting his hands on a nichirin blade and how much not one single person would want him to go to final selection, i honestly think he had just some random sword. It would explain why he's so desperate to get one, other than being generally unhinged. Anyway-)

While everyone else was roughing it, surviving and slaying demons in the night, Genyas experience of the final selection exam was somewhere between a survival challenge and an all you can eat buffet, with not a lot of demon slaying involved.

can u imagine being part of his cohort and running across some dude that needs you to cut off this demons head thats missing a suspicious amount of its body bc he doesnt have a nichirin sword for some fucking reason. also he has really, really, fucked up eyeballs.

can you imagine watching one of your fellow exam participants use a sword only to defend himslef bc its a functionally useless offense only to attack by eating the fucking demons.

can you imagine seeing him at one point, looking a certain way bc hes been eating a demon and then seeing him again later looking human. or looking like a different demon. or both.

can u imagine struggling to feed yourself during these seven days and this man is having a straight up feast. and also couldnt be assed to show up with a sword for demonslaying to the exam for fucking demon slaying