#i had to fight off someone while i had glass embedded in my foot and was therefore using a makeshift cane last month(?)

[echo-three-one]

Whatever It Takes

A sequel to "A Forgotten Memory"

Alex is once again tasked to continue his mission in pursuing the threat that had caused hundreds of missing persons turn up dazed the next day. But now he isn't alone, join him along with the elite Task Force 141 as they hunt down Nero, discover the secrets behind his plans and put an end to this memory erasing nightmare.

Chapter 1 to another story made by Ray (echo-three-one) Comments and Reviews appreciated! I hope you enjoy! Love you all ❤️

"Resurgence"

"Alex"

CIA Warcom

Boracay Island, Philippines

Alex basked himself on the warm sandy beaches of the Philippines. He wasn't able to enjoy his vacation after the Nero mission, because he was sent immediately to Urzikstan and Verdansk immediately followed. And now that all of those were over, he now laid down on a beach chair and let the ocean breeze blow on his relaxed state.

Philippines was a nice country, the people were hospitable, the food was delicious and unique and the scenery was beyond amazing. Despite his metal leg, people still looked up at him the way they look at tourists and he was all of the hospitality and attention from his fellow Americans who are also on vacation to locals who were just amazed on how the leg works.

It's been a lot of months ever since Samantha forgot him, but he couldn't shake the feeling that they'll meet again, that's why no matter many women try to show interest in him, he shrugs them off politely by pretending he has a girlfriend. A simple lie that he built for himself in hopes of a miracle of meeting her again.

He always brought her letter with him, some edges of it got burnt from the time he manually detonated a C4 explosive to destroy a gas factory, It was almost torn and faded, but he couldn't leave it somewhere safe. He wanted it to be with him wherever he goes. 

'Don't you dare forget about me'

His phone rang. He quickly fished it from a small pouch he bought that the locals made and immediately answered.

"This is Alex speaking." he chimed.

"I'm sorry to bother you at this time of day Alex, but I have a feeling you'd want to jump in on this." a British accent so familiar informed him over the other side of the line, It was none other than Captain John Price or Bravo Six, a comrade he once fought with back in Urzikstan.

"I'm all ears." he said, sitting up straight and letting his metal leg sink in the sand.

"Looks like your boy Nero is back on the grid. That Sneaky bastard kidnapped the Daughter of the Head of Defense, again." Price relayed.

Alex's heart thumped faster, his breathing became quick. He wished to meet her again but not like this. Not her being in harm's way all over again.

"Shit. Count me in. But.." he hesitated. He wanted to help but remembered he disobeyed CIA orders back in Urzikstan, making him unable to provide support.

"I've talked to Laswell. She's creating a special assignment for you."

"What does that mean?"

"It means welcome to the 141, Alex." Price said as he cut off the call, followed by a message regarding his departure to their base.

~

Alex can't help but worry about Samantha's condition. They've played with her memories multiple times and he thought that it would all be over after she decided to alter everything about them. Guess the enemy didn't know and they're still after her.

The soldier leaned on to the small circular glass pane as he looked at the clouds pass by. His hands were fidgeting each other while his non-metal foot bounced up and down at a fast rate. His seatmate, who happens to be a teenager, noticed his distracting leg movement but ignored it as rock music blasted from his ears. He was a completely different Alex right now and he believed that he'll be back to normal as soon as he sees Samantha safe and within his grasp.

When you have a heavy metal stick as a leg, customs is going to be the most annoying place in the world. Everyone looked at Alex as soon as he passes the metal detector and everyone else's eyes were on him. Of course with a few more safety checks and a whole lot of explaining, Alex was good to go. 

"So, you're the one they call Alex" the heavily British accented driver mused, breaking the silence of their ride to the 141 base. He was looking at him via the rearview mirror, chewing on what Alex hoped to be gum.

"Yep. That's me." he replied, turning to the view of the British streets which confused him a lot as it was the opposite of American or even Global streets.

"Heard they thought you were dead back there. In Georgia." he added. He was quite the chatterbox but CIA Agents are all about the information.

"Yeah. Tried to manually detonate the C4. After that… I just ran for my life." Alex answered, his head was realizing why he did it. What pushed him to think that he could make it out alive. Was it because it's for the greater good? The idea of freeing Farah's country from the harm of the gas? The idea of a chance to meet Samantha all over again? Or something he couldn't explain.

"Well, we're glad to have you back, Alex. But it's a shame it's no longer in the CIA." the driver waved as Alex opened the door and unloaded his stuff.

"As long as it's still about saving the world." he replied, making the driver smile. 

"That's what we do, right?" he agreed as he entered in his car leaving Alex in front a quiet gray building, the Task Force 141 Base, his new home.

Alex pushed the heavy doors open revealing a large hall, multiple round sofas were embedded to the ground and a huge staircase that split left and right greeted him. Multiple heads turned as he opened the said door and slowly walked his way to the nearest person who happened to be panting from exhaustion by the sofa. His metal leg clanked on his every step as the soldiers begin to recognize him. They smiled as soon as Alex's eyes met theirs and some even waved, Alex met them from several missions from the past, some were from the Demon Dogs and his previous designations, Delta Force.

"Where's the briefing room in this huge building?" he asked the soldier in a black t shirt drenched in sweat as he spun his towel trying to keep up with his breathing. He didn't speak but he nodded in acknowledgement and pointed to the hallway on the left. Alex left him a thanks and he walked his way to the direction where he pointed.

Just a few steps after the beginning of the hallway, the people from the main hall cheered and laughed, this made Alex turn around and he saw a young blonde man with spiky hair dash across him, he looked like he's on his way to your destination as well.

"Excuse me! Sir!" he yelled and Alex immediately halted. The young man panted in front of him and took a few seconds to breathe before he countinued his words.

"I'm Gary Sanderson, and I was supposed to guide you to the briefing room. You must be Alex." he reached out a hand and Alex shook it, quietly making your way to the room.

The huge door slid open and they found themselves in a dimly lit room, a huge screen loomed just by the wall and chairs were placed around a long circular table. Alex could spot a few familiar faces, faces he once saw and fought alongside with in Verdansk. There was the balaclava boy, Ghost, the Mohawk Man, Soap, their Captain, John Price and a few big heads from the United States. There were also new faces like Gary, who was now discussing something with another new soldier, a female soldier who sat by Price and a few new more who were already sitting on the chairs. There's also someone missing, Kyle Garrick, he pondered where he was.

The former CIA quickly saw Gary rush to Price's seat and whispered something causing him to lean on his chair, stand up and walk to his side. 

"Glad to see you back in the fight, Alex." he muttered, patting Alex's shoulder.

"I won't skip out on this mission, this one's close to home." he replied, patting his back in return.

"Yeah, heard this was your last mission before the Russian Gas." 

"Yeah. It's a loose end on my side." Alex nodded, crossing his arms.

"Good thing Shepherd had some sense in him. Not unlike your CIA heads, huh?" 

Alex nodded. He remembered he did an illegal thing against the CIA, and that was siding with Farah's forces, who were reclassified as global terror groups at that time. He silently thanked he could still step back in the fight along with the good guys even after that event.

"Yeah. I might have to thank him soon enough." Alex murmured and Price guided him to the briefing which was about to start in a few minutes.

~

"Before we start our mission briefing, I'd like to welcome each and everyone of you to the 141. A group of the most elite warriors from around the world tasked to eliminate terrorist threats lurking in the shadows. One of which, goes by the name Nero…" General Shepherd's voice was deep and serious, while the screen showed a photo of the guy they're after. His face looked punchable, as manifested by the way Alex clenched his fists while he stared at his soulless eyes.

"… whose goal is still unknown. He poses a threat as he has been out in American soil, which we believe is the one behind the multiple missing and reappearing person cases across the country." he continued, eyeing Alex. He knew a little bit about the case, maybe because he read his report.

"Since he poses no evidence of terrorist activity as of now, we are assigned to rescue and locate the daughter of Richard Coleman, America's Head of National Defense. We don't know why she was kidnapped but we believed it is or ransom or threatening purposes." The general explained, pacing back and forth, his shadow covered the screen.

Alex wanted to say something. Something about the details surrounding the case. It was written on his report. But then again, maybe the general already knew about the alteration, and since Samantha doesn't remember any IP Address, it was no longer worth noting.

Samantha's face was projected on the screen. Alex's heart began to beat faster, she looked different now, a little chubbier, longer hair and her smile felt happier. It was heartbreaking that she got caught in the crossfire again. After all those efforts of making her life normal.

'If our paths would cross again, I hope you'll remember me the way I remembered you before I take this operation, A good memory that's supposed to last forever. '

'Don't you dare forget about me.'

Her words echoed in his mind, using the same voice she had when they were together. 

"I will save you again if I had to.." he promised to her mentally, as he tightened the clench he was already doing.

"Our intel reports that twelve hours ago, local informants spotted an unknown flying vehicle just by the Georgian Border, local authorities confirmed that this wasn't one of their aircraft and we believe it could be the getaway vehicle of Samantha Coleman and her captors… We are still looking on to this so for the meantime I want each and one of you to be fully alert and ready for deployment."

Everyone else fell silent. It meant they agreed at what the high ranking official said. A few more words were exchanged such as new additions to the team, aside from Alex. He didn't seem to focus much on the second part of the brief as his mind worried a lot about Samantha. If his instincts were right, she's probably sedated once again, taking a trip down her own memory lane.

Chapter 2 : F.N.G.

#horRAYfic #codmw #codmwfic #Alex x OC #HAUL ASS PRETTY BOY #cheers for chapter 1!!!

[waywardnerd67]

Sweet Slice

Title: Sweet Slice Summary: (Y/N) is new to Lebanon escaping the big city life when she gets a job at a local bakery. Things get complicated when her past returns and her boss gets in the middle. Pairing: Dean x Reader Rating: E - Everyone Warnings: Angst/Fluff Word Count: 2173 Squared Filled: Baker!Dean Bingo Card: @spnaubingo​ A/N: The sandwiches described are from the grocery store my mom works at. They can be found at http://www.straubs.com/category/sandwiches

Check Out: SPN AU Bingo Masterlist

Staring out over the horizon, (Y/N) watched as the sun peeked over rising into the dark sky. Black and navy faded into beautiful pinks and reds as a sign of a new day. Breathing in the cool morning air, she threw up a few silent thank yous to whatever higher being was listening to her. Grateful for a new day, a new start and a new life for her. Carefully standing on the rooftop, she climbed back in through her single window and started mapping out her day.

(Y/N) had only lived in Lebanon, Kansas for three weeks. Finding a studio apartment above the only bakery in town that was owned by the handsome Dean Winchester. She gave him almost all her savings for the first month's rent and went in search of work. In a town of only two hundred-fifty people finding a job was harder than she expected. Until last week, when she approached Dean about the next month’s rent and offered her a job on the spot.

Now, as she pulled the hair out of her face and wrapped a red bandana over it (Y/N) headed downstairs for her first day at Sweet Slice. Approaching the kitchen entrance she could hear Led Zeppelin playing through the store speakers and pans clanging against one another.

“Morning boss.”

He looked over his shoulder a wide smile spreading across his face, “Good morning, let me get this pie in the oven and then I will give you your mission for the day.”

(Y/N) chuckled watching as he finished the pie he was working on. No one would ever believe from looking at Dean that he was a baker. His broad shoulders, muscular arms gave off the impression he was a tough guy. There were a few scars on his forearms she could see from the sleeves of his flannel being rolled up to his elbows. His large hands and thick fingers were the most deceiving as they gently and delicately handled creating the lattice pie crust on top.

“Ready?”

His husky voice brought her out of her daydream as she nodded following him to the other side of the kitchen. On the long table were various deli meats and cheeses along with a variety of breads then seemed to be freshly baked.

“I’ve always had this idea of not only offering specialty pies and baked goods but also to have a lunch hour with sandwiches on some of our breads. Today, I was you to just come up with some sandwiches for the menu and I’m going to taste test them for lunch.”

She smirked, “So basically you want me to make you a sammich?”

His laughter was infectious filling her body with a joy she hadn’t felt in a long time, “Yeah, I guess so. One of the perks for being the boss. If you need anything just holler at me.”

(Y/N) grabbed the pencil and paper on the table and started writing down some ideas she had. Sandwiches were something she knew all about being from New York. As a teenager she had worked at her local deli making sandwiches and giving the old mob men trouble as they flirted with her. The memory sent a chill down her spine. It was in that deli shop she had met Wyatt and her life changed forever.

Shaking her head, she went back to her list of sandwiches and began constructing them. A few of them, she had to have Dean bake up a few hoagie rolls because regular bread would not be right for them. By noon, she had assembled six different sandwiches for them to enjoy. She waited to garnish them until right before they sat down to eat. Dean had taken his flannel off wiping the sweat from his face from being near the oven.

His eyes widened as they glanced over the sandwiches plated in front of him, “These look awesome and I’m starving. Let’s dive in.”

The first sandwich was an Italian Sub that was on a fresh hoagie roll, spread with a mayo mustard blend and topped with salami, top round roast beef, baked and glazed ham, provel, dill pickle, onion, pepperoncinis and shredded lettuce. The noises coming from Dean as he devoured his half made her cheeks burn.

The next couple of sandwiches were simple ones with meat, cheese and simple lettuce, tomato, pickle toppings that could be offered cold or warm. The fifth sandwich was one her grandmother made for her every Sunday. Layers of baked and glazed ham, hard salami, mortadella, and provel topped with an olive Italian dressing blend on fresh baked focaccia bread.

“Now that sandwich sent my taste buds on an adventure. Whew!” He chuckled, finishing the last bite.

The final sandwich was her take on a grilled cheese sandwich. She had called it The Cure All making it whenever she had a particularly bad time of the month or a wicked hangover. On sourdough she placed two slices of cheddar, a layer of jalapenos, two slices of american, a layer of bacon, topped with caramelized onions.

Dean admired the sandwich for a moment before taking a large bite from it. His olive eyes rolled back as he closed them chewing slowly. She watched as he swallowed the bite and his full lips pursed together blowing out a gush of air.

“Wow, I think that may be the perfect sandwich and our signature sandwich to kick off a lunch special.”

Her cheeks were aching from smiling, “I guess I can add sandwich creator to my severely lacking resume.”

“If I have my way, you will never need a resume again and stay with me forever.”

As soon as the words were out of his mouth a few things happened all at once. Their eyes snapped up connecting immediately. Her heart leaped within her chest with a bright, burning hope she has not felt in a long time. While Dean’s cheeks flushed crimson.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean… not that I wouldn’t want to be with… um. Crap.” He put his head in his hands, “All I’m saying is you’re amazing and wonderful for what I have gotten to know of you these last few weeks. I think we would work great with one another.”

There was something deep within urging for her to reach out to him and after five years of being with someone who only pretended to care for her and use her she had kept herself guarded. Looking into Dean’s eyes, she could see the kind of man he was. The kind of man to sacrifice himself for the ones he loves. The kind of man to go out of his way to care for someone. The kind of man that would protect those closest to him fiercely and without regard to his own well being.

(Y/N) reached across the table placing her hand on top of his, “There is nowhere else I’d rather be than right here with you.”

It was in that moment that everything changed for them. They became partners in every way they could in their lives. Sharing the business together, his home together, building a life together over the next year. Until her past caught up to her in the little bakery in Lebanon.

It was a normal Tuesday as Dean and (Y/N) prepared for their normal lunch hour. Their business doubled from them adding a sandwich and slice combo. Some of their normal morning customers had picked up a pie or two for that evening so when the bell rang signaling another customer, (Y/N) thought nothing of it walking to the front counter.

“There you are my sweetness. I’ve been looking for you for a long time.”

She froze in her spot, the familiar raspy voice knocking the wind out of her. Looking up, standing in the middle of the empty bakery and locking the front door was the man of her nightmares. Standing nearly a foot taller than her, his jet black hair was slicked back and dark brown eyes narrowing in on her.

“H-How did you…” The words would not come out as fear struck her mind instinctively backing up towards the door leading into the kitchen.

His menacing smile spread wider, “You know I have my ways. You know when I want something I get it. No matter what.” He took two steps towards her as he spoke.

The same desperate fight or flight feeling kicked in pushing her feet towards the kitchen yelling, “DEAN!”

Before she made it two feet through the door a pair of thick, leather covered arms wrapped around her waist. She let out a piercing scream before Wyatt clamp his hand over her mouth. He walked them back through the door holding her tightly against his body where she could not kick or push herself away.

“You’ve always been weak and pathetic, but that’s how I like my women. You can’t fight me.” He snarled into her ear.

“But I can.”

She looked up wide eyed as Dean appeared in front of them stepping through the door. He was holding up a large iron skillet never once taking his eyes off of Wyatt.

“Put (Y/N) down now.” His jaw clenched as he spun the skillet in his hand.

Wyatt laughed pushing her into the front case. She cried out as shards of thick glass sliced and embedded themselves into her skin. She glanced up just in time to roll herself over the glass that had shattered as Wyatt’s large body flew back towards her. Crimson filled her vision as she looked down to the floor. Bile burned up her throat as the sickening cracking of breaking bones echoed throughout the room. Her vision darkened as the last thing she saw was the door crashing open.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Every inch of (Y/N)’s body throbbed. She could hardly lift her eyelids, her vision blurry from exhaustion and her glasses missing. Trying to speak, she coughed and a large hand engulfed hers. Instinctively, she flinched pulling it away. Squeezing her eyes shut terrified she would see Wyatt sitting beside her.

“(Y/N), you’re okay. You’re safe.”

Her eyes snapped open tears freely flowing down her face, “D-Dean…” she croaked.

“Shhh. Don’t try to speak until you’ve had some ice chips.” He stood grabbing a cup and feeding her some ice, “After Sam and I took care of Wyatt, we had to rush you to the hospital. You lost a lot of blood and one large piece of glass embedded itself into your back.”

Dean became quiet looking down at their hands clasped together, “W-What hap-pen?” she whispered, eating some more ice and the cold soothing her burning throat.

She was surprised to see his eyes shining with tears, “We almost lost you and…” he looked away from her wiping his eyes.

“And what, Dean?” Her stomach churned and knotted a thousand thoughts running through her mind.

“And it wrecked me. I didn’t want to imagine life without you and when I did it gutted me.”

(Y/N) reached up wiping the few wayward tears from his cheek, “I’m right here because of you. Thank you.”

Her hand slipped down to his chest gripping his shirt and pulling him towards her. Every move she made was agonizing but worth it as his lips pressed against hers.

“I will always be here for you.” He whispered as she nodded her forehead resting against his.

Lying back she asked, “What happened to Wyatt?”

A low growl escaped Dean’s lips, “He and his buddy are currently in a cell hopefully getting to know their new roommates intimately.”

She wanted to know everything, but exhaustion was consuming her. Her eyes closing as Dean sat beside her on the bed humming her favorite Zeppelin song and lulling her to sleep.

Over the next several months, between her physical recovery and mental anguish as she relive her life with Wyatt to detectives and lawyers. (Y/N) slowly started getting her life back to normal. Dean accompanied her to New York where Wyatt and his goons were all put on trial for what they had done to her. After the guilty verdict was read, (Y/N) felt a great weight lift from her shoulders finally feeling free to live her life in peace.

When they arrived back in Lebanon, they noticed the vacant building across from the bakery had been sold and a new sign was being lifted into the air to attach to the store front. As the tarp fell to the ground, they both stared up completely stunned at what they saw.

The sign had a cake with a halo above it that read Angel Cakes Bakery. A tall, dark hair man stood admiring the sign before glancing over to them. He gave a small wave walking back into the building while (Y/N) looked over to Dean.

His jaw set in a strong line before muttering, “Son of a bitch…”

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#spnaubingo #waywardnerd67fics #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester x reader #au #fluff #angst

[angelanimedesaray]

Through the Looking Glass Chapter 6: Bonds

AN:  Oh god, this chapter came out swinging.  Listen, this chapter doesn’t pull punches, it gets right into the nitty gritty, this is NOT a fluffy, happy chapter.  This is a Trauma, Trauma, scarring trauma, dark, and then a bit of hurt/comfort at the end.  And though usually I like to try and keep my warnings free of spoilers, I’m putting them all in this one cause there’s some sensitive content in this chapter, even if I tried to be a bit more vague or indirect about it.  I watered it down, too, because I know a lot of people came here with all the fluff and stuff, and I was keeping that in mind when I started to write the darker stuff.

Characters:  Levi, Reader, Various Unnamed OCs

Pairing:  (Eventual) Levi x Reader

WARNINGS:  Language, Blood, Death, Violence, Life and Death Situations, near death, suffocation, gore, TRIGGER WARNING Heavily Implied Rape  (I’m not going to be explicitly writing this, but it is happening, and it will be clear that is what is happening)

Word Count:  7401

<----Previous Chapter    Masterlist    Next Chapter---->

(Seriously people, pay attention to the Warnings on this one.)

*Levi’s POV*

Levi’s feet pounded against the street, racing with a glass bottle carefully tucked under his arm.  His head throbbed, and his legs were shaking as he ran, but he pressed forward with what strength he had.

He’d been sick the past few days, and while he’d been going out of his way to take care of himself and recover, he’d gotten worse, and needed to get his hands on some medicine to get better.  Being underground, that was already a difficult task, with certain common medicines and techniques reserved for the surface and denied the Underground.  But, if you knew where to look…

What he needed, unfortunately, was only in one place in the Underground, and he had to steal from one of the particularly dangerous groups in the area.  Any other day, he wouldn’t have been too concerned--more at ease if he wasn't alone, but able to get by if he was--but he wasn’t at his best.  His sickness was taking its toll physically, making it difficult to do some of his usual tricks.  Stealing from them was risky like this, but it was what he needed to do in order to recover.

Turning a corner, Levi grabbed a rake leaning up against one of the buildings, throwing it to the ground behind him as he continued to run.  A few moments later, he heard someone scream in pain, and another voice cursing loudly.

“I’ll kill the runt when I get my hands on him!”

Another man appeared up ahead at the mouth of the alley, ready to catch Levi when he tried to blow past him.  However, Levi dropped at the last second, sliding along the ground beneath the man’s arm before he staggered to his feet, head spinning again.  Probably not the best move to try and pull off while he was sick, but so long as he got back on his feet and kept going, it worked for the most part.

That was two people on his tail, one out of commission if the man who screamed stepped on the rake spikes like Levi suspected he had.  He doubted that was all, though.  These guys were vindictive, and this medicine was worth a lot underground.

Breathing heavier than he normally would, Levi took a random turn, jumping up on some crates and through a window to take a shortcut through one of the abandoned houses.  He dropped down to the floor, raced across the room, jumped through a hole in the wall with a sharp exhale as he narrowly missed broken glass on the ground from a busted bottle, took a sharp left, onto a table, and he was out another window, sliding down the wooden canopy and onto the ground below where he rolled out of the impact.  He had to pause to take a few gulps of air, world tilting as he grew dizzy again before he forced himself to his feet at the sound of running footsteps behind him and sprinted forward again, running into someone along the way when his dizziness didn’t give him enough time and calibration to move out of the way.

At this rate, he was going to have to find somewhere to hide and lay low until his pursuers cut their losses and gave up.

Levi popped around a corner, his peripherals catching movement, and he only had enough time to turn his head away and twist his body so his upper back and side took the hit instead of his head, sprawling in the opposite direction before he shakily got back to his feet, already attempting to keep ahead.  That blow had done a number on him, though, and he’d lost precious seconds getting back to his feet while reeling.  The man was far too close for comfort.

Praying he wouldn’t accidentally smash his prize in the oncoming scuffle, Levi whipped out his knife with his free hand, dropping low and backwards so he could slice at the ankle of the man chasing him.  He heard another scream, which told him he’d been successful.  Popping back up, Levi swung with the hilt of the blade to have it crack against the now-kneeling man’s skull to disorient him before Levi was off like a shot again.  His breathing was deteriorating, breath coming much more labored.  He couldn’t keep running like this, not in this state.

The next abandoned house he saw, he entered without hesitation, finding a dark corner and leaning up against the wall, trying to catch his breath and waiting for the dizziness to stop.  He slid slightly down the wall, pulling out the glass bottle to make sure it was still in one piece before he hid it under his arm again.

One more breath, two, three…

Levi straightened from the wall and crept quietly towards the back rooms, listening for the sounds of his pursuers.  He could hear one or two outside the east side of the house, so if he wanted to sneak by…

Quietly, Levi crept into one of the back rooms on the west side, eyeing how high up the window was and looking for something that wasn’t rotted away he could use to reach the window.  He cautiously peeked his head into one of the eastern rooms to see if there was a crate or a chair left in one of the rooms, only to find one of his pursuers trying to quietly lower himself in through the window.

Shit.

Levi leapt forward with his knife, embedding it deep into the back of the man in front of him, digging in and making sure he cut through the spine in the proper place before he dodged back, knowing the dying scream of pain was going to get the attention of the others.  He hurried out of the room, intending to race to the front door and get out the more conventional way, but the door swung open, revealing two more pursuers.  Trying to backtrack a little, he tried to head back the way he came, but simply ran into a third, who grabbed him by the arm to attempt to restrain him.  Levi kicked out with his foot, toes digging into the back side of his knee and causing the man’s legs to start to buckle.  He crushed his elbow into the man’s nose, trying to jump around him and back to the window he’d come in, but the other two had reached him by then, one of them swinging a pole hard enough against Levi’s back he sprawled forward.  There was an audible crunch, and Levi’s heart dropped as he suddenly felt damp around his side.

The bottle had shattered.  And it seemed everyone had heard it.

“You broke it, you imbecile, we were supposed to get it back!” one of them shouted as Levi was kicked in the side.  He rolled with the impact to try and get back on his feet and fight back, already feeling grim with his chances between the sickness and the odds of three on one.

“He killed Jacob!” came a shout from the back.

Four on one.

“Well, we’ll have to pay the runt back in kind for all he’s cost us today,” came another voice from the doorway.

Five.

Levi lunged at one of his three immediate pursuers--three because the man he’d kicked and elbowed was already back up--not intending to go down without a fight.  If he was quick, he still had a chance to get out of this alive.  Lashing out with his knife, he managed to draw blood from one of his attackers, trying to turn and get the second in the same strike, but they had moved out of the way when he attacked the first.  Levi swung again at the first, getting him in the side as the second tried to grapple him.  He initially shoved him off, but someone else collided against him from behind, another latching onto his arm before he could stab the person behind him with his knife, which they were already trying to pry out of his hand.  The next second, a third person’s knee was colliding with his stomach, a fist to the jaw, another to the lower ribcage…

During the blows, a fourth had latched onto his other side, so he was being held by three people while a fourth gave him a good beating until Levi spit up blood.  He didn’t take the beating like the man’s personal punching bag.  The entire time he was trying to get out of the grip of the men who were restraining him, even disarmed, sick, and beaten as he was.

Once the fourth man had enough beating him up, the ones holding him started to try and force him down.  Levi resisted the best he could, but he wasn’t exactly in the best condition to keep fighting like this.  Still, he didn't stop struggling even as he was forced to kneel, head woozy and constitution threatening to fail him with the sick state he was already in with all the fighting he was doing.

One of them fisted his hair and shoved his head down into the dirt.  For a moment, the other man lost his grip on Levi's arm with the unexpected switch in position, and he attempted to draw another knife, aiming to slash the arm of the one holding his head into the mud.  That hand, however, was snatched out of the air before it could connect, and his arm was slammed back down into the ground, a foot crushing down on his hand to make him release the blade, which he still struggled to keep in his hand.

The man at the front of this group, who had been watching them restrain Levi, started to walk forward with a cluck of his tongue and shake of his head.

"We're going to have to teach you one hell of a lesson about stealing from us, boy.  One you'll never forget," he said as he rolled up his sleeves, disappearing from Levi's sight as he walked behind the struggling, barely teenager.  The people holding him down shifted, and he heard the sound of a belt being undone.

He went cold, and the sensation wasn't entirely in his head as he prayed he was just going to get a thrashing with the man's belt like a petulant child.

He knew better, though.  And he struggled all the harder to break free, all in vain as panic welled up inside him and his brain already seemed to be trying to shut down to spare him the reality of what this was.

He started to squeeze his eyes shut, but stopped himself because he didn't want to give away any other sign of weakness.  Didn't want to close his eyes, or let any tears even of anger or frustration slip through, and he was going to do his damndest not to make a sound.

He could at least make sure he robbed them of some of their sick enjoyment.

The foot on his hand stomped down hard, and Levi grit his teeth and choked back a hiss, forced to let go of the knife that was now pried from his grip.  Unable to hold to the weapon anymore, Levi's fingers cut into the ground, still trying to rear back or slip through and escape the grip of the men holding him down, but he couldn't move.

This isn't happening.  This can't be happening...

Levi jerked in pain, and a sharp, unbidden cry rent the air.

*Reader's POV*

After moving yet again, this time out of the desert and back to more temperate climates, you still had exploring to do to find all your possible hideaway spots.  Spots you could be by yourself and have some peace of mind, as well as spots Levi might find enjoyable.  There wasn't a conservation site right down the road from your house, anymore, but if you were willing to make a bit of a trek, there was a forest.  Part of it had a walking trail almost no one used, but if you wandered off the beaten path, you could make it to a thicket.  Here the noise from town didn't reach you. Here you could faintly hear the water of a nearby creek, and trees towered above to shelter occupants from the sun without cutting away the light.  It wasn't a big enough area to have a family barbecue in, but it was big enough for two friends to do whatever they wanted without being disturbed.

Now you'd just have to make sure you had a way to get back to it after you left.

Still tired from all the hiking around and exploring you'd been doing today, you made your way over to the fallen log at the edge of the thicket, sitting down with a tired huff and pulling out a water bottle to chug some of the water and catch your breath.

It was peaceful here.  So quiet even you could take a moment to appreciate something you'd taken for granted before moving out to the suburbs in the desert.  You hadn't realized how much you missed this.

And now that you thought about it, you must have looked like Levi whenever he came to visit you, looking around so wide eyed and with such interest.  Now that you were older, it made you stop to wonder why he always looked at the world around like it was a rare sight for him…

The peaceful atmosphere was suddenly shattered, a sharp cry of pain renting the air as you turned to the sound, shocked to see Levi suddenly lying chest and knees on the ground and the sound of pain coming from /him/.  You moved before you could even finish registering the picture in front of you, gaze centered solely on Levi’s face twisted in pain as you hurried over to him.  In the back of your mind, it registered that he was partially exposed, but you weren’t looking there, and you’d forgotten about it in the next few seconds.

You reached out to touch him before saying anything, mind focused solely on comforting and failing to realize it was a mistake not to announce your presence first.  As soon as you touched him, he swung wildly, and you had to throw yourself back to avoid being hit as Levi struggled violently against...well, nothing.  It was just him and you in the clearing.  Yet as his head lifted, his eyes were wide, a wild panic in his eyes you’d never seen there before, his breathing heavy.

“Levi, it’s me!” you exclaimed in alarm as you tried to get out of range of his swing.  He paused at the sound of your voice, the wild instinct dimming slightly in his eyes as he seemed to realize where he was--or at least, who he was with.  He didn’t relax entirely, though.  His breathing was still heavy, and he looked shaken as he started to try and get to his feet.  He was almost on his feet, trying to make himself presentable with shaking hands and you carefully getting back up from where you’d fallen, when he suddenly dropped again, almost like he’d fainted.

“Levi!”

Except he was still conscious, if the shudders going through his whole body were anything to go by.  You tried to reach him before he connected with the ground, but were only partially successful, Levi’s flailing body suddenly pulled partially in your embrace.  Was he having a seizure?  Weren’t you supposed to hold seizing people down so they didn’t hurt themselves?  But something told you that was not the thing to do here, it didn’t seem right.

What were you supposed to do?

You didn’t know what you could do to help.

You didn’t even know what was happening.

You just knew he was scared, and that alone was enough to terrify you.

*Levi's POV*

After he first snapped back to Y/N’s world, everything turned into a confusing blur that he couldn’t make sense of.  One moment he was about to suffer through something unspeakable, the next, he was in a serene forest with Y/N.  Then, before he could even recover his wits, he felt the pain return, and he was once again pushed into the ground and restrained.  He thrashed and tried to escape again, still in vain.  He didn’t want to be here, he didn’t want this to be real.

And once more he was in the serene forest, Y/N looking down at him with fear and concern in her eyes, her arms around his chest as he gripped at her arm for stability.  No, he didn’t want to be here, either, because he didn’t want her to know, didn’t want her to see this--

Pain lanced through him again, and he was sure that he was bleeding, body arching instinctively against the people holding him down at the shockwave that went through him, fingers digging deep into the dirt--or was it Y/N’s arm?

He couldn’t tell anymore.  With his eyes squeezed shut to try and block out the confusing back and forth as well as closed against the pain, Levi grit his teeth and tried to endure, still tried to bite back cries of pain.  His head spun from pain and disorientation, as one moment he would be pinned to the ground, and the next he was held up in Y/N’s arms, thrown back and forth like a damn ragdoll, unable to make sense of what was happening besides the pain, whiplash, the reality of what was happening to him in the Underground, and the disorientation as he was thrown between the two starkly different realities.

He knew people were talking, but he couldn’t hear them.  He didn’t even get whole words as he flickered between, though sometimes he could hear Y/N’s voice, and other times it was his tormenters in the Underground.

But he knew enough to be certain it was only going to get worse.

*Reader’s POV*

Levi’s knuckles were white as he clung to you with all his strength, his fingers digging so harshly into the arm he was clinging to that he was drawing blood with no sign of easing his grip.  It hurt enough to draw tears of pain, but you were more scared by what was happening with him than some pain in your arm.

His eyes remained tightly shut, his breathing shallow and fast.  He was flushed, burning to the touch and looking like he’d been running marathon after marathon.  Now that you were looking, he was hurt, too.  You could see bruises and blood from cuts, a split lip, blood dribbling from the corner of his mouth, a nasty bruise on his jaw.  What made it worse was that although you held him in your arms and he clung tightly to you, he kept struggling.  Most notably, he kept tensing up, going so rigid you thought he was going to snap in half, arching, rocking in place, thrashing wildly with his teeth grit painfully as he tried to keep any sounds from slipping through.

He didn’t succeed, though.  A gasp, a whimper, a choked off sob, whatever made its way through was always filled with pain, and you were certain that behind those tightly shut eyes he was on the very edge of crying.

You’d never seen him so vulnerable and in so much open pain.  As long as you’d known him, he’d always seemed unshakable, like anything could happen and he wouldn’t crack, even when he was starving.  Yes, you were old enough to realize the state he had been in when you first met him--by now you had seen pictures of starving people, and that was what Levi had looked like, and it was why he’d scarfed down all the food you’d given him back then without hesitation.  Now that you were older, you could look back and figure out his life was far from easy simply from context clues--him showing up with scrapes or bruises or even blood from fights, him being far more world aware than you, him not being familiar with basic luxuries, that one time he mentioned staying with some guy named Kenny wherever they managed to find somewhere to stay…

You had to tighten your grip as Levi thrashed rather violently, head leaned back to avoid getting elbowed in the process.  You could barely keep a grip on him with how much he was moving, and still he refused to open his eyes.  Panic rose in your chest as he only seemed to get worse, and you still had no idea what was happening.

Levi grunted, eyes fluttering open for the briefest of moments to reveal eyes that didn’t seem able to take in the forest or you, like he was looking past you at something else before they were tightly shut once more.  He let loose a sudden barrage of wild flailing to get free, momentarily breaking your grip before he started to choke on nothing--well, nothing that you could see.

It was your breaking point, and any and all sense of caution and rational left you as you desperately cupped his face in your hands, watching him struggle to breathe, struggle to move like something else was restraining him.

“Levi?  Levi, look at me--look at me, please!” you pleaded in the voice of the scared child you really were, a child in a situation you didn’t understand far out of your control.  He seemed to pale, and for a moment you had the wild thought he might die.

The sound that came out of you next wasn’t a scared child anymore.  It was like something...woke up inside you, seeing him in such a precarious state.

“Look at me, Levi!” you commanded in a voice full of an inner strength you hadn’t known you possessed.

*Levi’s POV*

Y/N’s voice suddenly cracked through all the chaos, a strong-spoken command that was filled with that same inner fire he’d glimpsed that day Kenny left.  With it, the chaos momentarily halted.  Up until now, one of the reasons he’d kept his eyes shut was because he was afraid he’d open them to see Y/N, but still be in the middle of the nightmare he was currently trapped in.  However, the force of her command immediately drew his attention, and for a few moments, the pain stopped being an immediate occurrence, he stopped choking, and he could hear birds, the rustle of trees, and Y/N’s trembling breaths.  He could feel her arms close to his body, her hands on his face, and he hesitantly opened his eyes to just see...her, with sunlight filtering from above through a canopy of trees.

It would have been a serene scene if it wasn’t for the reality of what was happening, and the fear that filled her eyes, showing him just how terrified she was of what she could see happening.

“Whatever’s happening,” she started in a voice that trembled despite the strength of her command a few seconds ago, “Please, Levi...make it stop.  I know you can, because you’re strong, so please...fight back.”

Gaze locked with hers, Levi felt...something spark hot inside him, something that was rapidly growing in strength and causing the tremble in his limbs to steady, his breathing evening out as he took a shaking breath.  As he let it back out, a sense of eerie calm settled over his mind, and he...he knew exactly what needed to be done.  Just like Kenny had described what felt like so long ago.

His life was at stake, and he needed to make this stop, to fight back so that he could live, so he could protect her.  That fear in her eyes…he didn’t want her to have to feel that fear.  She didn’t live like this, and he had an inkling that it hadn’t occurred to her what was happening despite all the signs pointing to the obvious.  She might not live like this, but that didn’t mean these threats weren’t still out there, and he needed to be able to keep her safe from them.

But in order to keep her safe, to make that fear go away, he had to get free and stop this nightmare before it could go any further.

And he knew how.

As that eerie calm settled deep inside him, that serene world disappeared once again, giving way to the pain, the dirt, and the suffocation on what was choking him.  This time, however, his mind was sharp and focused, and he spent no time hesitating as a strength greater than anything he’d known before coursed through his veins.

His head turned to the side as much as he could, and he bit down with full force, tasting blood as it gushed into his mouth.  Someone screamed, and as a little of the weight pressing him into the ground disappeared, Levi bucked backwards into the man behind him, body and the back of his skull cracking into his assaulter and sending them reeling as he violently wrenched free of the others still holding him.  He was moving like a wild, raging bull instead of the scrawny, pinned youth he’d been seconds before, and the details blurred as Levi acted on pure, unbridled instinct.

His fingers dug relentlessly into flesh, blood soaking his hands and mouth as he clawed and bit at anything that came too close, fists and feet flying through the air whenever there was an opening.  He was hot and uncomfortably sticky, but that detail disappeared from his mind as his hands found their way to a blade.  With the knowledge of what Kenny had taught him, and this new, knowing strength that coursed through his body, the small blade quickly found its way into flesh, carving, slicing, and striking fatal blows, Levi unfazed by the spray from a bloodier, slower death he gave the one who’d caused the majority of his pain, eviscerating him like Kenny taught him to in his frenzied attack.

Then came the quiet.  The haze of pure instinct that guided his attack started to fade, and the world around him started to come back into focus.  Every one of his attackers were dead, most cut open by his blade, at least one mauled by Levi’s teeth and hands as he’d fought to get a weapon.  The only one still alive was the one grasping at his opened belly and slowly bleeding out.  Blood covered Levi, which explained the hot and sticky sensation that he’d registered despite his haze.

With the moment of fighting clarity passing, Levi felt a tremble returning to his hands, and he suddenly found himself fallen to his hands and knees, body trembling as he retched, the realization of what had just happened to him started to sink in with the aftermath.  He struggled to force it all down, teeth grinding painfully together as he tried to wall it all in again and regain his senses.

He was so caught up in trying to contain himself again, he didn’t realize there was a breeze in his hair again, didn’t catch the scent of fresh air that would have told him that he wasn’t in the Underground anymore--he was with Y/N again.

But it didn’t register, because he was too concentrated on trying to cope, curled in on himself and trying not to vomit between the violent tremors.  He didn’t realize where he was or who he was with until he felt someone beside him, and he heard her saying his name softly, repeatedly, waiting for him to register her presence.  

Hesitantly, Levi raised his head, very aware of the fact he was soaked in blood and sweat and still sick.  So much for keeping her perfectly preserved in her little bubble.  Her eyes were wide and she was staring at him with a different kind of fear in her eyes.  For a moment, he feared she was going to leave him here, that she was going to bolt.  Instead, as his gaze met hers, the shadows of what he’d just endured still swimming in his eyes, she gently reached out and touched his back, her other arm reaching out to tenderly take his arm in her hand, helping him to stand.

He didn’t fight or argue or draw back.  He simply let her pull him along, guiding him out of the thicket and towards a path in the woods, his steps slow and awkward as the pain came back to the front of his mind, an aching reminder that wouldn’t leave him alone..

“Let’s get you home so you can get clean,” she told him softly, and Levi closed his eyes, leaning slightly against her shoulder as she continued to guide him, a deep relief in his heart over the fact she didn’t shy away from his blood soaked form, even if it had clearly scared her.  So far, it didn’t look like she was scared of him.

As they started walking along the path, Y/N took the jacket she’d had tied around her waist in case it got chilly and threw it over his head, also carefully taking off his jacket, turning it inside out in a feeble attempt to hide the bloodstains before tying it around his waist, using the jackets to try and hide the fact that he was covered in blood to draw less attention to themselves.  As such, they walked a little faster to try and get where they were going before they drew any attention.

In the back of his mind, Levi knew that this wasn’t the same forest from when they were younger, and he was able to recognize that this trip was taking a while simply to get back to the road.  How far from home had she been?  She hadn’t run away again, had she?  No, it definitely wasn’t that, she would have at least had a pack if she was running.

Eventually they found their way to the brown stone path and black stone street, Y/N getting subconsciously faster in her steps as they started to pass houses, her eyes scanning the surrounding area to keep an eye out for anyone who might spot them.  Neither of them spoke, perhaps both of them were too afraid to try and talk about what happened, perhaps they were both too focused on getting out of the public eye and within the safety of her home.

Eventually, she suddenly cut across a large stretch of green grass, her pace suggesting she wanted to break into a jog but she had become aware that Levi was walking funny and couldn’t run yet, not comfortably.  “My mom isn’t home--she’s at work right now, so we should be all right for a while,” she explained as she guided them up to a two story white wooden house, opening the first flimsy outwards door before stopping to get her keys, opening the heavier door to get them inside.

“Shoes by the door,” she told him, kicking off her own and putting them on the wooden shoe rack that was sitting on a rug a step or two from the door.  Levi complied wordlessly, not about to track mud and blood through the house.  Once his shoes were put up, Y/N’s hand dropped down to his, pulling him inside the new house.  He didn’t get the chance to register the surroundings much.  He knew they were going through the sitting room first, and there was a hallway they were turning into before they were heading up stairs.  Y/N pulled the jackets off of him as they went upstairs, and she pushed open another door, leading them into a washroom that looked nothing like Levi had ever seen.

At this rate, he was used to everything that was on the surface being far more advanced than what was underground, and he’d stopped being surprised when he didn’t recognize something while with Y/N.

Immediately, Y/N started rifling through cabinets, throwing the bloodied jackets into an empty basket before she washed any lingering blood off her hands, Levi’s eyebrows raising at the strange waterspout she used to clean up.  She pulled out a towel, setting it on the fancy toilet lid before pulling back the curtain to what he assumed was the bathtub.

“I suggest a shower,” she said, ushering him over to stand beside her so she could show him how it worked.  “This knob is the hot water, this is the cold.  Get it the temperature you want it to be, and then pull up on this silver piece here.  Just remember to push it back down when you’re done so the next person to use it doesn’t get surprised.  There’s the body wash, the scrubby, and hair wash.”

She turned back to face him, both of them uncomfortably close for a few seconds.  “Go ahead and put your clothes in the basket--I’ll wash them before Mom comes home, and find you something to wear in the meantime.  I’ll be in my room, it’s just down the hall on the opposite side,” she told him quietly before leaving him alone.

Levi turned back to the shower, peeling the bloodied clothes off himself and putting them in the basket as he’d been told before stepping into the tub and pulling the curtain, looking at the knobs for a few moments before he reached out with his bloodied hands and turned the hot water knob.

Water gushed out of the spout below him, cold at first before it rapidly heated up to something unbearable, and he quickly turned the cold water knob until it was more bearable.  When he finally pulled up on the silver piece as indicated, he jumped as the water stopped coming out of the spout and instead rained down on him from above, just as hot as the water from the spout.  After the initial shock wore off, he pushed his hair back from his face, putting a hand out to steady himself against the shower wall as he watched the water turn pink, then dark red...most of it wasn’t his blood, but some of it was.

Levi closed his eyes, letting out a shaky breath as his hand pressed up against the wall turned into a fist and he leaned forward, a soft, strangled sound escaping him, trying not to think about it, which was almost impossible to do as blood was being washed from his body and that invasive pain was still prominent, like he could still feel it all happening.

While the water cleansed him of the physical filth, Levi struggled with his own mind, trying to catch his breath as he suddenly found it hard to keep steadily breathing, body shaking again as he tried to press it back down.  He started to fold again, leaning down into a crouch, hands formed into fists with his arms wrapped around his middle, trembling and mouth open in a silent...sob?  Scream?  He wasn’t sure.  He just knew he was in pain.

He heard the door to the bathroom open and his head snapped up, the shower water quickly erasing the tears that had been sliding down his cheeks as he watched a shadow moving around.

“It’s just me,” came Y/N’s voice.  “I’m just getting the dirty clothes.  There’s clean ones on the sink,” she told him, and after a bit more shuffling, she was gone as soon as she’d appeared.

Levi brushed the soaked hair out of his face again, shaking his head to get a grip on himself again as he reached for the washes she’d indicated, getting started on cleaning himself up, which would also give him a chance to take stock of his injuries.

He moved slowly, taking the time to make sure he was cleaned thoroughly, but also letting the hot water soothe his still trembling and tense body, using the time to regather himself so he didn’t keep scaring Y/N, who was already probably scared and worried out of her mind about him.

Of all the ways to one day find out about where he came from and how he lived, this was not what he had in mind.

Eventually, the water started to run cold no matter what he did, so he stopped the flow, getting the towel to dry off and staring into the large, perfectly clear mirror to take stock of himself and see how bad he looked.

He had bruises all over him from the thrashing they’d given him, but mostly around the lower body from the brutal treatment afterwards, and he found out he was still bleeding when he pulled the towel back and found some blood on it.  He still had the clammy, pale skin, though that might have been from the sickness he was still suffering from.  He had several cuts that had stopped bleeding, including one just below his lip and cuts from the glass bottle shattering around the side of his ribcage, but once he got dressed, Y/N would be none the wiser.  He could at least try to shield her from how badly hurt he’d been.

Pulling on the dark clothes she’d left for him on the sink and rearranging his hair, Levi stepped out of the washroom and headed down the rug-covered floor to the door she’d indicated.  Surely she wasn’t already done with laundry, was she?  All that blood, it would take a while to scrub it clean…

Levi pushed open the bedroom door, and was met with an unexpected sight.  Blankets were draped over the bed, chairs, dressers, and desk to form a large makeshift tent, held down with books and the like.  Y/N turned around when Levi entered, a timid smile cast his way as she stepped away from an assortment she had on a part of her desk that wasn’t taken up by the makeshift tent in the middle of her room.

"There, that's better," she mused as she walked up to him, a bottle of water in hand which she offered to him.

"What's with the tent?" Levi asked as he took the bottle from her, his voice coming out scratchy and hoarse.

"That, you'll have to go inside and find out.  But first…" she turned back to her desk, picking up a small glass bowl with ice cream in it, and something small that rattled when she picked it up.  "I got you some ice cream--just a little, since you said super sugary stuff doesn't sit well with you.  And I found some painkillers in the medicine cabinet downstairs."

Levi's head perked up at the word medicine. Of course--she was a surfacer. If anyone was going to have access to what he needed, it was going to be her.

"I've been sick for a little while. You wouldn't have anything for that, would you?" he asked.  She pulled back the rattling tiny bottle with a thoughtful frown, though still handed him the ice cream.  As much as it didn't seem like something you ate when you were sick, it was only a little, and it felt relieving against injuries like his split lip after the beating he'd received.

"What kind of sick?  Fever, cough, stomach ache?" She rattled off, reaching out to touch his forehead carefully. He was burning up with a fever--he had been for a while, now, not that he'd had the luxury to pay it much mind.

"Fever, headache, dizziness, weakness, chills," he listed off, watching her thumb swipe against the tiny bottle she still held.

"Well, this is aches and pains, fever, headaches...it kinda sounds like the flu.  You might just need rest for the other half…" she shifted from side to side, chewing on her lip before setting it down.  "You may just need one of those, but I'll see what else we have and if I have something better."

She left the room for a few moments, leaving Levi to find a spot he could sit down and eat his small bowl of ice cream while he waited, eyes still on the makeshift tent.  Once the ice cream was gone, he sat the bowl on the desk and got down on his hands and knees so he could crawl inside.

The texture of the ground beneath him changed, as crawling inside revealed that she had lined the entire interior of this tent with pillows and blankets, enough so that it was so soft inside he couldn't feel the hard ground.  Suddenly he was small again, wrapped up in the comfort and warmth of the nest she'd made him when they first met.

Crawling all the way inside, Levi found a spot he could comfortably lay down and stretch out, surrounded by soft security, sinking slightly into the fluffy blankets and pillows around him.  The utter exhaustion hit him now that he was in such a comfortable place, eyelids fluttering, drooping, almost drifting off…

Y/N returned, crawling into the tent as well, but with a couple things in tow as she wiggled her way up until she was lying directly across Levi, propped up on one arm.

"I couldn't find anything better than this, so we'll stick with the painkillers," she said with a sigh, pushing down on and then twisting the lid to open it and shaking a small white cylindrical thing onto her palm.  "One every twelve hours until you recover."

She handed him the little white thing and the water bottle.  "I'm assuming you've taken a pill before?"

"No."

She blinked, but showed no more outward surprise.  She just nodded.  "All right.  Well, you swallow them whole.  You use the water to make it go down easier," she explained.  Levi followed her instructions without hesitation, though he drank a bit more water after the pill went down.  "When I'm sick with the flu, Mom tells me its rest, fluids, and medicine for the symptoms."

As she spoke, Y/N grabbed a folded up blanket from a corner of the tent, unfolding it and then throwing it over Levi to cover him up entirely.  She was tucking him in like a child.  Normally, he'd protest--he wasn't a child, he hadn't been in a long time. But he knew what she was like.  She was stubborn, and she wouldn't listen to his protests.

Plus, he was too tired to argue. Tired from the sickness, from the chase and the fight, tired from the toll this whole nightmare had taken on him…

Something cool and damp was draped across his forehead, and Levi started to sit up.  "What are you--"

"It's just a washcloth," she reassured him, adjusting it so it would lay comfortably while he was lying down.  "It's something my mom used to do when I had a fever."

Levi swallowed, laying back down with his face covered by the blankets and pillows, feeling a burn in his eyes.

Come here, Levi.  It's all right, sweetheart.  You'll be alright by morning.

Y/N scooted a little closer.  "Levi?"  She waited until he hummed in acknowledgement to continue.  "Is it okay if I hug you?"

Levi considered it for a moment. He was sick, but she didn't seem worried about catching whatever he had.  Then again, she was on the surface where there was good medicine readily available.  A sickness like this might have been of no concern to someone who had medicine on hand to treat it.

That, or she was so concerned about him she'd stopped caring if she got sick or not.

"Okay," Levi finally answered in a quiet voice.

Y/N scooted even closer, an arm wrapping gingerly around him while the rest of her snuggled up close to his chest, warm, steady, and constant.  Her hand that was lying on his back rubbed gentle circles to comfort him and make him feel safe, the only sound between them the shifting of fabric and their steady breathing.

Before he fell asleep, Levi’s eyes opened just enough he could look down at Y/N, unable to see her face since it was buried in his chest, but still gazing at the top of her head.

What had he done to deserve someone like this in his shitty life?

AN:  Before anyone freaks out about the Ackerbond not being with Erwin, I’m kinda riding off the theory that yes Ackerman’s can have more than one bond.

Tags:   @humanitys-hottestsoldier​ @artist-bby @kaz2y5-pie​ @tartheyes​ @super-peace-fangirl​ @huntersbunker​ @nefelimalfoy​ @soft-levi-girl-blog​ @honeygivemeachainsaw @regalillegal​ @sugas-daddy7​ @cathyannecookie @chaoticshepardplaid​

Levi Tags:  @clary-quinn​  

#levi #levi ackerman #levi aot #aot levi #levi snk #snk levi #captain levi #levi heichou #levi attack on titan #attack on titan levi #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #aot levi x reader #captain levi x reader #reader insert #aot fanfic #aot fanfiction #aot fan fiction #levi fanfic #levi fanfiction #levi fan fiction #levi ackerman fanfiction #levi ackerman fanfic #levi ackerman fan fiction #captain levi fanfiction #captain levi fan fiction #captain levi fanfic #snk levi x reader #fanfic #fanfiction

[castieltheavengerr]

Wormhole - Part 1

Pairings: eventual Peter Parker x reader

Warnings: Mentions of a car crash, angst, swearing

Synopsis: Y/N wakes up in a place she doesn’t know of, with a man claiming to be a god by her side. Superheroes don’t exist, right? In time, she finds out things about herself that she never knew before, and even gets to live with a hot guy, who happens to also be a crime-fighting hero. Will Y/N ever be able to go back home, or has she found it already?

Word Count: 1.6k

A/N: Finally, I finished the first part of this new series. Sorry it took me so long, like I said, I have a continuity problem. FYI, this series will be set before and during FFH. This first chapter is set the winter after Endgame.

You swing your keys around your finger, walking through the snow outside of your high school. You just want to get to your car, get home, and take a nap. Sophomore year sucks. Everyone’s an asshole, and classes are way harder than they were freshman year.

You listen to the crunch of your feet in the snow, taking refuge in the sound. Much nicer to hear than the freshman boys screaming in the locker bay. You close your eyes, appreciating the coldness outside for once. It’s just too crowded in that hellhole of a school, and the openness outside feels amazing. You open your eyes, realizing that you probably look like a freak just standing outside in the snow. You blush, and continue walking.

After walking across the huge-ass parking lot to your car at the end of the parking lot, you fumble to get your keys and unlock your car. The one thing that sucks about having the first period off; you never get a good parking spot.

As you’re trying to unlock your piece-of-shit car, Abby, your friend from chemistry grabs your attention. She waves as she nears her own car, a nice black Jeep. You wish.

“Hey, Y/N, that test really sucked today, didn’t it? I swear, I totally failed it,” the junior says to you.

You breathe out a laugh, and nod your head in agreement.

“Yeah, it was a real tough one. Mr. Warener always puts stuff on the tests we never learned about.”

Abby laughs and starts to unlock her car.

“Well, I gotta get going, see ya tomorrow, Y/N.”

“Bye, Abby,” you say before she gets into her already started Jeep, likely already warm on the inside.

You slide into your car, and start it, rubbing your hands together. “Fuckin’ winter,” you whisper to yourself, buckling your seatbelt. You put your car in reverse, and drive out of the lot.

As you’re driving home, listening to your playlist from your phone, you think about how mundane your life is. You just wish your life was a bit more exciting. As the light turns green and you put your foot on the gas, you hear horns. You turn to your left and see a blue compact speeding straight for you. You scream, not even having any more time to react. Then everything goes black.

——————————————————————

Thor is just minding his own damn business getting ready to leave with the Guardians when one of his people comes knocking on his door. She says something about a girl popping up in the middle of the street, unconscious. He stops what he’s doing and looks at Margrethe, a look of ‘you’ve gotta be shitting me’ on his face.

“I don’t know, sir, she just came out of nowhere. People are scared, and she isn’t dressed like she’s from here. She’s young too. I don’t have any idea about what you could do, but it would ease everyone’s minds if you came down and took a look.” Margrethe is visibly shaken, likely having seen the appearance of the girl. These people had been through so much, they just deserve a little break.

Thor follows Margrethe down to the street in question, and sees the girl in the middle of the road, surrounded by confused Asgardians. When they see Thor, they move out of the way for him. He may not be their king anymore, but they still respect him as much as they do Valkyrie. He watched over them, how could they not?

He looks down at the girl in the snow. She looks young, young enough to be in school. Her Y/H/C hair is sprawled out on the ground, pointing in every direction. He leans down and scoops her limp form up in his arms, a place she looks so small in. He carries her to the nearest house, where he sets her down on a bed.

He watches her for a minute or two, trying to figure out what to do, when she shoots up screaming bloody murder. Thor jumps up, and approaches her, trying to calm her down. When she sees an enormous stranger of a man, who happens to look like a Viking, approaching her, she screams even louder.

“What are you doing? Who are you? Where am I?”

Thor pats his hands in the space in front of him, trying to tell her to calm down. She’s got tears streaming down her face. He’s taken aback by her American accent, expecting her to be from somewhere in Europe, given the fact that that’s where she is.

“I’m just trying to help, is all. I’m Thor, you’re in New Asgard,” he says, expecting her to know who he is. Her face contorts in confusion, and Thor sighs. He hates having to do this himself. “You know, Thor Odinson, God of Thunder and all? Avenger, saved the world multiple times?” He watches her face, looking for any hint of recognition. Instead, all he finds is a look of incredulity.

She laughs, seeming to think this is some sort of sick joke. “Are you crazy? Just my luck. I get in a car crash, and I happen to get picked up by a psycho.” She shakes her head, too shocked and confused to think anything through.

“Look, I’m not crazy. I’m telling the truth, and there’s a whole village of people outside who could tell you the same thing. I just want to help you,” he says apologetically, approaching her with his arm outstretched.

The girl moves backward on the bed and throws her hands up. “Don’t touch me!” she screams, distracting Thor from the sound of a beer bottle raking it’s way across a table. The next thing he knows, something glass and hard hits his temple. He curses and looks down, only to find fragments of opaque brown glass scattered around his feet. He looks up at the girl, who seems just as shocked as he is.

“How did you do that?” he asks, maybe a bit too harshly. She flinches, her head moving slightly from side to side, rocking back and forth on the bed. She looks at him, a look of curiosity, yet fear embedded in her eyes.

“That couldn’t have been me. It can’t be. That’s not possible, it’s just impossible, things don’t move on their own!” She rocks back and forth harder, eyes overflowing with tears. Thor looks at her quizzically, not understanding.

“So you mean to tell me that you’ve never done that before?” She shakes her head, eyes watering. Thor tries to think of any possible explanation for this, and has an idea. “Did you get snapped? That might explain all of this,” he says, as calmly as he can, so as not to scare the girl. All he gets in return is another look of confusion. He figures they may have different names for it in different places, so he explains how half of the population disappeared for five years before coming back.

She throws her hands up and looks at him in an amused way, still thinking he’s batshit crazy.

“Look, dude, I have no idea what you’re high on, and given how stressed I am right now, I’d actually like to try some, but I’d just like to go home, and you can continue your fantasy with made-up gods and crazy aliens.”

Thor doesn’t even know what to say. There is no way this girl doesn’t know about the Snap. Even if she lived under a rock, she would know. He stands up and starts to walk towards the door, and the girl tenses.

“Where are you going?” she asks nervously. While she thinks this dude is on some crazy psychedelic drugs, she doesn’t want to be alone right now.

“You don’t believe me? Follow me outside and I’ll prove it to you, right now.” She hops off the bed, just wanting to see what kind of magical fuckery this dude is gonna pull.

When they get outside, the man, who she remembers called himself Thor, holds out his hand, as if wanting something to just magically appear there. She snorts, and he shoots her a look. Before she can tell him how stupid he looks, a big axe looking thing flies into his hand, and her jaw drops. She starts to ask him how he did that, but before she can get words out, he thrusts his axe hand up in the air, and lightning bolts down to it, his eyes glowing blue. She takes a step back, and before she knows it, the show is over. He grins, looking at her.

“Believe me now?” She slowly nods her head, and slides down the wall of the house to sit in the snow. Thor walks over, and sits down next to her. “What’s your name? Believe me, all I want to do is help you.” She turns her head to look him in the eyes.

“Y/N. My name is Y/N. But I really don’t think that’s important right now. What’s important is the fact that shit like that isn’t possible. There are no gods, there are no telekinetic powers, and there sure as hell wasn’t a five year period where half of life on earth ceased to exist.” Thor looks over at her, compassion in his eyes.

“Well, Y/N, I may know someone who can help us out. You’re American, am I correct?” She nods her head. “There’s an organization called SHIELD. They specialize in this type of thing. I have a good friend who works there, and he may be able to help you.” She gets an excited look in her eye.

“What’s your friend’s name?”

“His name is Nick Fury.”

#peter parker x reader #reader x peter parker #marvel fanfiction #marvel fic #marvel #thor odinson #spiderman ffh #avengers #endgame

[sylvanfreckles]

Let’s Hang Out Sometime (Whumptober 2020)

Day one! Let’s do this! (I actually did Whumptober last year, but only posted to AO3, so this is my first year doing the Tumblr part)

Day One: Let’s Hang Out Sometime (Shackled)

In which Dean and Claire are in an uncomfortable situation when they're captured by werewolves and left hanging--literally.

Dean was aware of a handful of things as he slowly pulled himself back to consciousness. First was the pain, always the pain. In the back of his head, like he'd been hit with something heavy, and across his ribs and stomach, like someone had kicked him after he'd gone down. And his wrists and shoulders, on top of that. His hands had been wrenched above his head, and he was slowly starting to realize that the horrible, biting pain around his wrists was a set of manacles.

Great. Knocked out, kicked around, chained up...sounded like a typical Friday night.

“Dean?”

The sound of Claire's voice bought him to full awareness with a snap that was almost painful. He slammed his eyes open, then closed them immediately with a groan as the world spun around him.

“Great, don't pass out again,” Claire complained. Yeah, she wasn't fooling anyone. She was worried.

“I'm fine,” Dean grunted. “Where are we?”

“Some kind of barn, I think,” she said. He heard a shuffle, like she tried to move, but for some reason that pulled on his wrists as she did and he let out a hiss of pain.

He forced his eyes open to look at the barn around them, and it wasn't exactly an encouraging sight. The only light came in through broken windows high on the barn's walls, too high for either of them to reach even if Claire stood on his shoulders. There were rough-looking boxes and some busted-up machinery scattered around, including a giant rusted thing that could have been some kind of harvester parked right in between them.

He could barely see Claire on the other side of the machine, but when he leaned to one side he caught a glimpse of her behind the massive engine casing. She looked about as rough as he felt—blood smeared in her loose blonde hair and down her chin, clothing torn and dirty, hands pulled above her head by a manacle connected to a chain that ran up toward the ceiling. He squinted up, finally seeing the chain that ran from Claire's wrists over a beam near the roof of the barn back down to his own. Dean immediately straightened up much as possible to give her all the slack he could.

God, the manacles already felt like they were cutting down to bone. “How long have we been here?”

Claire tried to shrug, thought better of it, and shook her head. She winced after that, then, her face going just a little paler. So. Head injury for her as well. “I've been awake for maybe ten minutes?”

Dean grunted. The last thing he remembered was going with Claire to one of the Kosher butcher shops. They'd been investigating a full-on werewolf situation—mutilated bodies with no hearts, activity increasing with the phases of the moon, the full nine yards. It was tricky, though, as these werewolves seemed to be targeting anyone who had trouble with the law for their prey. While Dean himself wasn't opposed to a little frontier justice now and then, the victims were all over the place. They ranged from a guy with multiple counts of spousal abuse on his record, to a high school kid who took her classmates' cars on joyrides without permission, to a guy suspected of credit card fraud, and so on.

“You okay?” he asked after a moment or two.

“My arms hurt,” Claire offered with a wry smile.

“Yeah, maybe we can do something about that,” Dean replied. He stared up at the chain for a second, making a few calculations. “Think you could climb up on this tractor thing?”

“How?” she demanded. “I looked at it but there's nowhere to climb up, not without hands. All the sharp parts are here,” Claire said, kicking something that gave out a metallic clang, “and the tire's higher than my head.”

“Can you grab onto the chain?”

“What?” He heard her heave out a theatrical sigh of frustration, then Claire made the chain connecting them rattle. “I can kinda get my hand around it, but what are we gonna do? Break the chain? Bring the whole roof down? I know physics aren't your thing, Dean, but I'm pretty sure we'd just pull my arms out of their sockets.”

“Maybe that was the plan,” Dean shot back teasingly. “Claire Novak, the Armless Wonder. You could do the talk-show circuit.”

She snorted at that, and he could just feel her rolling her eyes. “So what's your 'plan'?” she asked.

“Well, I could probably,” Dean grunted as he twisted in place, trying to get his own hands around the chain above his head, but all the slack was on Claire's side. “I could maybe...I could pull you up, and you could walk up the tire and sit down on top of this thing? Get some of the pressure off our hands?” He'd noticed the chain was actually threaded around a junction of crossbeams, there was no way to just move around the big machine between them. One of them would have to go over, and the chain had almost no slack to it.

Claire was quiet for a second. Dean wished he could see her more clearly, to see if this was I-wonder-if-this-could-work silence or this-guy-is-insane-again silence. “You want to haul me up to the roof of this tractor thing...by my wrists?”

“Hey, it's by my wrists, too,” he protested. “Don't you have a lockpick stashed in your heel or something?”

“Oh!” Claire's voice brightened considerably at that thought. “Maybe. I don't know if it's still there, I haven't checked lately.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “You. Haven't. Checked. Lately?”

“Sorry?” she sounded embarrassed, at least. “Look, lecture me on safety later, okay? Let's try your dumbass tire-walking thing.”

“This isn't over,” Dean retorted. He craned his neck up to check on the position of the chain, then twisted to look behind him to see how much space he had. “Ready?”

There was the faint thump of a boot striking a tire. “Ready!”

This was going to hurt. Dean took a step back, bracing his legs and fighting to pull his hands down to his chest. Claire couldn't weigh much more than a hundred pounds, maybe one-twenty, but that weight was suddenly pulling on the sensitive flesh of his wrists where the manacles dug in. He squeezed his eyes shut, refusing to look at the mangled mess he was no doubt making of his hands.

“I think it's working!” Claire called. “Little more, Dean, come on!”

Right. He hauled back again. Claire's weight pulled against his wrists, but he set his teeth and took another step. The chain twisted as Claire slowly climbed the harvester's massive tire. Then she hissed out a curse and the chain pulled him forward, manacles cutting in even deeper. Dean couldn't quite bite back the cry of pain as the chain swung, all of Claire's weight suddenly hanging off his bloodied arms.

“Sorry!” Claire shouted. He heard her kicking and swearing, and finally the chain was steady again and her weight eased up a little. “God, Dean, I'm so sorry, my foot slipped, I-”

“Keep going,” he growled out. She had to be close now.

He heard her huff out a loud breath, then the aching pull against his wrists started up again. Another step back, knees bent to keep his body coiled, core muscles straining to keep his arms pulled in. Then another, and Claire shouted again but this time her voice was triumphant. Dean pried one eye open to see the kid's boot flail over the top of the harvester's massive tire. With a sigh of relief he took another step back, one more mighty heave on the chain that connected them, and finally saw Claire scrambled up on the tire itself.

Dean let his hands drop and stumbled forward. His arms were numb from finger tip to elbow, and he still didn't want to look down at them. He looked up at Claire instead, at the dirt coating her face and the worry twisting her expression. “You okay?” he asked.

“Me?” Claire sounded scandalized. “You look like you went twelve rounds with box full of broken glass. Dean...your arms.”

“They'll be fine,” he shook his head. He had been planning to climb up the harvester's other tire and sit with Claire, get as much slack out of the chain as possible, but that wasn't possible now. Just leaning on the big machine seemed like enough, something to take his weight until his head stopped spinning. He could relax his arms now, at least, and finally looked down to assess the damage.

Dean immediately wished he hadn't. The manacles had cut so deeply into his wrists he was pretty sure they were embedded in his flesh. Blood had seeped down his arm to mix with the dirt there in grimy rivulets, and he could only imagine the kind of bacteria and crap he was getting in his bloodstream now. At least Cas could take care of that...once the angel found them.

“Do you think they noticed we're gone yet?” Claire asked once Dean had lowered his arms and leaned his head back.

“Sam has,” Dean replied. “We were supposed to check in after we talked to that butcher. Cas knows too, I bet.”

The kid was quiet for a second. “I...I prayed to him,” she finally said. She sounded almost ashamed, and Dean wondered (not for the first time) just what the relationship between his friend and Jimmy Novak's daughter was these days. If the two of them were getting along now, great, Claire could use a guardian angel...and Cas could use all the family he could get.

“You did?” Dean said. He didn't want to pry, not in this situation. Plenty of time to harass Claire, and Cas, about this later. Hell, they probably just texted each other memes or something anyway. Pictures of baby guinea pigs and misspelled graffiti. That sort of thing.

“Right before you woke up,” Claire answered. “You woke up as soon as I...anyway, it was like a sign or something. Like someone's really listening.”

“Well, it might take some time,” he said after a few seconds had passed. “Unless you know our exact GPS coordinates, Sammy'll have to track us without our phones.”

Claire snorted at that. “How many disgusting, rusty-ass barns can there be, right?”

“That's the spirit!” Dean leaned back against the tire to smile up at the kid, his smile growing when she rolled her eyes and ducked away to hide her own smile. “Hey, Claire?”

“Yeah?” Claire's head popped back into view. She was sitting at the top of the tire on his side, while he had moved around to lean against the wide tread and prop one foot up on a rusty bar poking out from the machine.

“Next time you ask me to hang out, don't be so literal.”

“Oh my god!”

“I mean, I figured you meant Disney movies and pumpkin spice lattes, but this?”

“Hey!” Her foot made contact with the back of his head. Not enough to hurt, just a not-quite-gentle nudge. “Pumpkin spice is awesome, and if you diss it one more time I'm telling Jody.”

“Oh, no, don't do that,” Dean gave an exaggerated shudder. “Hunter's honor. No more disrespecting pumpkin spice.”

“Good.”

“Unless Sammy drinks it.”

That got him an honest-to-god snort from the kid. “God, Dean, you're the worst,” she complained, though it was obvious she was just trying not to laugh.

He just chuckled and leaned his head back against the tire, watching the last rays of the setting sun as they faded through the barn's top window.

“It's getting dark,” Claire commented.

“They'll find us,” Dean replied. His arms, though...the numbness had pulled away and left behind red, twisting pain. Jeez. Remind him not to haul around a twenty-something kid by the skin of his wrists again.

Claire was quiet for another few minutes, but he could hear her moving around above them. “Damn,” she swore.

“What's up?”

“Don't have my lockpick. I'm an idiot.”

“It's all right,” Dean tried to reassure her. “Couldn't have picked them now anyway,” he added. His hands were a throbbing mass of pain, no way was he doing anything as delicate a picking a lock any time soon. He shifted his weight against the tire, trying to get the treads in at least a halfway decent position against his shoulders.

Things gradually grew quiet around them as time dragged on. He wasn't sure, but Claire might have fallen asleep. He almost hoped she had—he couldn't, the risk of falling over and hurting her in the process was too great. She could probably use the rest, though; the werewolves hadn't been gentle. He felt a little guilty about making her do the whole tire-climbing thing, but it had gotten Claire up to a safer perch and bought them both some slack in the chain that connected them.

Dean lost track of time, playing through his cassette collection in his head as he stared out at the filthy wall of the barn. Then it was the vinyl he'd found in the Men of Letters bunker. He'd just started on the first season of Dr. Sexy when the broken windows lit up with a flare of light from approaching headlights.

“Hey, kid,” Dean called over his shoulder. Claire grunted, yanking on the chain in frustration.

“We're still here?” she asked muzzily.

“It ain't the Four Seasons,” he replied. “Someone's coming.”

He heard her suck in a breath. “Is it them?”

Dean opened his mouth to ask which 'them' she was talking about, when one of the old, weathered doors creaked open. A flashlight beam darted inside, though Dean and Claire were too far back to be caught in the beam.

Flashlights were good. Flashlights meant humans, not werewolves.

“Dean?”

Relief flooded Dean's body and despite the pain and the bruises and the torn-up wrists he broke into a smile. “Down here, Sammy.”

The door was shoved open even further and a second light joined Sam's flashlight. This was a high-powered spotlight, and it played over the barn floor until it found the two of them at the harvester in the middle. Dean flinched back, arm up to block the light from his eyes, “Jeez. Warn a guy, huh?”

There were two sets of footsteps running toward them now. Dean tried to squint past the light, but the two figures were in too much shadow. “Cas?” he guessed.

“I'm here,” the angel's voice was tight with worry. “Claire?”

“Get him first,” Claire called out from the top of the harvester. “The chain...he's in pretty bad shape.”

Dean wanted to protest, but the beam of the spotlight centered on his hands and he heard Sam suck in a breath. The light played up the chain to the ceiling then back down, probably to Claire perched on the tire.

“Sam,” Cas said as the spotlight danced around crazily for a second. Dean could only guess the angel had been carrying the more powerful light and had shoved it unceremoniously into his brother's hands.

Cas was in front of the light now, and if Dean squinted he could make out his friend's worried face. The angel gently took hold of his forearms and moved his hands into the light, studying the rusty shackles and the wounds in Dean's wrists. “This may take a moment,” he warned. Cas rested his hands on the shackles, brow furrowed in concentration. The metal seemed to grow warm for a moment before shattering under Cas's hands and falling to the ground in a shower of fragments and rust.

That only made it hurt even worse, but before Dean could fully react Cas's hands were hovering over the wounds in his wrists. There was another surge of warmth, this one more familiar and definitely welcome, and the pain faded away into nothing as his flesh knit itself back together.

Dean held his hands up in the light, twisting them around to see the newly-healed skin. “Thanks, Cas,” he said with a sigh of relief. God, just the absence of pain was heavenly.

“Claire?” Sam had set the spotlight on the ground, and was standing by the tire with his arms held up. “I've got you, come on.”

She was rolling her eyes again, Dean just knew it, but she let Sam catch her as she slid off anyway. Now that he could get an actual look at her, Dean was a little shocked at how pale and fragile she looked. The blood on her face stood out in sharp relief to the pallor of her skin, and her wrists seemed to have fared almost as badly as his own had.

Cas was beside her before Dean could say anything. There was the same shatter as the manacles broke apart under Cas's power, the same soft glow of his grace as he healed her wounds. And if he took a little longer with Claire...if he poured more of his healing mojo into her until every last bump or scrape was mended...well, that was okay. Let the guy hover a little.

“Ready to blow this joint, kiddo?” Dean asked when Cas finally seemed to be satisfied with the amount of healing Claire had received.

“Oh, no, I thought we could spend the night,” Claire retorted. She flipped her hair over one shoulder and began sauntering toward the door.

Cas sent her a perplexed look, then looked back over at Dean.

“Sarcasm, Cas,” Dean explained. He slapped Sammy on the shoulder with a grin and followed Claire toward the exit, his long legs easily letting him catch up with her. “Hey, we should hang out again sometime.”

A smack in the arm was the only reply he got.

And okay. Maybe he deserved it.

#whumptober2020 #no 1 #Let's Hang Out Sometime #Shackled #Supernatural #Fic

[cozycryptidcorner]

Chapter One

Notes: Hey hey hey hey! For those who don’t know, this is a celebration of ya girl hitting 1.5k followers! You all spoke, and I listened, so buckle up, pals, and come get ya’ll’s juice. 

The air of the ship is remarkably sterile, every breath of it almost flushes your lungs free of living cells, and a bleach-like taste has long settled on the back of your tongue, one you haven’t been able to wash out. A water bottle sits on the polished table in front of you, one that boasts its source is an underground spring on a relatively untouched planet, definitely something far out of your price range and would never accept unless given for free. The ship rattles briefly as the inertial dampeners compensate for a sudden source of gravity, though so subtle that the water in the biodegradable plastic trembles only slightly.

“That means we’ve hit Lolth’s atmosphere.” A Starward Matchmakers™ representative smiles, her teeth too white and her mouth too wide. Her tone somehow converges on every single nerve you have in your body.

“Oh, of course, how could I forget.” She waves her hand dismissively. “But you should maybe put a damper on that attitude of yours, the royal family isn’t known for putting up with sass.”

Oh, you want to punch her in that perfectly crafted nose. Biting your lip down, you try to focus on the shift of gravity, the artificial pull slowly dying as a planet’s natural force takes hold. The slow descent feels like forever, the lack of windows in your cabin only torturing you further. You wish you could be up in the cockpit, strapped into the captain’s chair, completely in control, but no. It wouldn’t be proper. Finally, another attendant pokes their head through the open door, announcing the finished landing.

Before you stand, the representative grabs your hand in an ironlike grip. “Remember; grace, poise, elegance. Not someone of your reputation.” She is far stronger than someone of her skinny frame can manage without modifications. Even when you nod, she doesn’t immediately let go, most likely in the hopes that prolonging this threat might actually put some fear into your soul.

You pull away, eyeing her in a challenge, and after a moment too long, she relents. Calmly, you pick up the personal bag you were allowed to bring and leave the cabin, the Starward Matchmaker™ representative on your heels. The unmistakable scent of ‘natural’ air hits your nostrils, like a balming relief against a day-old burn, and you try to pick up your pace down the thin row of cabins and out into the open. It’s hot, far hotter than you are used to, a dry breeze doing nothing to relieve your already sweating skin. A dull hum permeates the cavernous space, the engines of your ship still in the process of a complete shut-down. At the very foot of the stairway is a tall humanoid, gray in complexion, silky white hair blowing out like thin spider webs.

“Mistress,” he says, bowing first to you, then to the representative. “Allow me to welcome you and your entourage to our lovely planet. The keias is beside himself with excitement to finally meet his soulmate.”

“Thank you!” Manners matter, you think, eyes flickering overhead to where two slabs of metal slowly shut a dangerous atmosphere away from the underground’s inhabitants. The Starward Matchmaker™ representative pinches your arm in a location no one beneath you would see in the way of a prompt. “And- it will be my honor to meet them, sir.”

“Of course, please, follow me. Your things will be taken to an apartment while a more, er, permanent solution will be found.”

“I understand, thank you.” You take one step down on the polished, faux marble steps of the ship, then take a pause. Perhaps it goes unnoticeable by others since it only lasts a fraction of a moment. Am I really doing this, you wonder in that second, looking at the hard stone floor of the hangar, is this who I am, really? It passes, and you continue downwards, the question left unanswered. You fold your hands, nails digging against knuckles, and follow the Drow escort through the unbearably warm cavern.

There’s a warbling pattern in the stone, one that holds your attention for a minute too long and has the Starward Matchmaker™ representative gently kick at your heel. Head up, you can almost hear her voice in your head, and so you do, obediently, and try focusing on some other things noticeable at this position. For example, while there are other ships in the hangar, not too many, but the quality of each is unquestionable. All of them are sleek, shining, and shaped in the typical ornamental fashion that Abraxas Corporations has long since patented, each number that you see painted on the sides showing that the oldest model is only a single year out of the factory. A fantastical waste of money, in your humble opinion, but you don’t dare verbalize it right now.

The drow attendant leads you to a tunnel, one dimly lit by hazy blue lights lining the floor, and the temperature becomes just slightly more bearable. While the stone you walk on is smoother than those fancy ships outside, the walls and ceiling are rawer, bumps and crevices creating a sort of texture that at least gives you something fascinating to look at until the drow attendant opens a metallic door embedded into the rock. It’s a station, you think, with a train or trolley of some kind waiting against the wall. The doors part the moment you are within range, and finally- finally, a blast of cooler air soothes your skin, your entire body relaxing under the blissful relief of air conditioning.

“Have a seat wherever you’d like, my lady.”

Oh! The attendant is talking to you. With a small mutter of thanks, you take one of the cushioned benches by the window, staring at the glass, trying to see past your reflection and back into the tunnel. The ride isn’t that long, at least, in comparison to the time it took to get from a deep-space station to planetside, but the nervous anticipation makes it seem like another eternity. You are already standing up to get out, though you step to the side for your guide to go first.

You wouldn’t call this place bustling, unlike some of the previous stops your ‘entourage’ has ended up at. The people who do occupy the area aren’t in any kind of hurry, either, but are merely wandering to their destination at a leisurely pace. And, unfortunately, the moment you are seen, all eyes seem to fall on you like a bug beneath a microscope. Which, you suppose, is a funny kind of metaphor to use given the species and circumstances, but even so, you walk through the hub with your head held high and your posture perfectly straight, just as practiced only a few days before. A far cry from the slinking and prowling that you are used to, that’s for sure.

The three of you walk all the way to the other side of this terminal, towards a gilded set of elevators, all of which are guarded by another drow. Your own drow attendant slips a key card from his pocket, sliding it through a reader, and the machine beeps in confirmation. The ground rises rapidly, as the tube you stand in lowers, going down, deep into the depths of the planet, rocks surrounding the glass until the tunnel empties into a cavern more massive than the city you hail from, buildings built into what is left of a long-extinct forest from the planet’s distant past. Flickering lights of homes and offices could almost fool you into thinking them to be stars, but you know better. Still, it might be nice to look at something and pretend you aren’t buried under a couple of kilometers of rock.

The elevator zooms past and beneath the central part of the city, moving further down into the natural lava tunnels of a long-inactive violent core. The royalty of the world lives deeper from the surface, probably for the better air conditioning, you’d gander, or some sort of reigning mythology about how they’re closer to their planet/god(s) this way. You hadn’t really had the time to pour over every little detail of this world’s history and lore, since literally four days ago, the royalty of Lolth was the last thing on your mind.

Eventually, the flawless glass doors open, and you are let out into a garden of sorts. There is grass, at least, you think it’s grass, lining either side of the stone pathway, flowers sprouting in areas that are easy to listlessly meander around. Bioluminescent mushrooms and moss grow along the cavern walls and pathway, though rustic-looking lampposts help to light your way every couple of meters. There, up ahead, you realize as you try to document just how far the lanterns go, someone is already walking towards you. Could it be him? Your body fills with anxiety, your fight instincts gearing up to, you don’t know, pretend to cower?

“Is this it?” A voice asks, and you are already confident that you hate this person. ‘Overbearing’Condescending would be a nice way to describe their tone, but you would take it a step further and maybe say it’s condescending and maybe even bastardly for good flavor.

“Yes, Vice Martial,” the drow attendant bows deeply. “As much as I am certain the two of you would appreciate introductions, I’m afraid the keias was very specific about the immediate transportation she would take to his presence. I’m afraid we are already running short on time.”

“Be silent, I gave you no permission to speak.” The Vice Martial’s eight legs click, click, click against the ground as he approaches, eyes narrowing. “I was against this ridiculous farse from the start, and to have something so small, so pitiful, dare enter our home and live off of our land like a parasite?” He leans in closer, so close you can smell alcohol on his breath. “Unacceptable.”

Show no fear, have no weakness.

“Of course, you have your apprehensions!” The Starward Matchmaker™ representative pulls a glossy brochure out of seemingly nowhere, her grin vast and terrifying, her voice the epitome of perfectly perky customer service. “Anyone daring to make such a big decision should be terrified! But at Starward Matchmakers™, our focus is to bring a harmonious connection between two destined souls is something we take so very seriously. If our experts have matched the two together, then our girl here is perfect for your prince, excuse me, keias, in every way!”

“I don’t care about what welp that little bastard sleeps with,” the vice marshal snaps, at least now directing his drunken anger to the Starward Matchmaker™ representative, “I care about whether it’s right for Lolth.”

“And those are some very valid fears!” She somehow smiles even wider. “But allow me to put everything to ease. Our satisfaction rate is one-hundred percent, which is nothing less of perfect. The people I represent have no intention of sullying our records now, with this. Do you understand? Of course, you do! Now if you would be so kind as to _excuse us,” _ she grips your arm and shoves her way forward, _ “we have some magic to make!™” _

The vice marshal doesn’t even have a chance to say anything else, because you are suddenly shoved into the entrance of an… apartment? House? The drow attendant and the Starward Matchmaker™ representative stand in front of the closed doors, either to block anyone’s entry or deter you from exiting, you don’t know. Probably both.

“Remember,” the Starward Matchmaker™ representative says, smoothing one of your sleeves of nonexistent wrinkles, “no attitude. No spunky quips. I don’t care how funny you think whatever joke you’re making is, you will be quiet as a dandelion. Show him not the respect you think he deserves, but the respect he thinks he deserves.”

This is all a reiteration of things you have been told over and over and over again, so you resist rolling your eyes. Though, whatever exasperation you feel is quickly gone the moment you see someone beginning to descend from the long, marble stairway. His appearance is the same as the photographs you were shown when they first sat you down, hangover pounding in your bloodstream. His hair is so dark it looks almost black, skin a deep gray with touches of blue. You immediately stand taller, mouth squeezed shut, eyes watching his every move as if he will burst forward and rip you to pieces.

He has a reputation for doing worse.

The clicking of his steps stop as he stands, full height, right in front of you, and you have to tilt your chin upwards just to meet his gaze head-on. Even with the Starward Matchmaker™ representative right in the room, she can’t see your face, so she can’t police your reaction. You don’t give him anything demure, nor submissive. There is no shyness in your eyes, you don’t allow yourself to feel small, and you most certainly refuse to show a smidgen of fear.

“Hello,” you say, and you can practically hear the Starward Matchmaker™ representative’s face hit her palm for speaking out of turn.

“Hello,” he responds, cocking his head ever so slightly to the side, his pure black seeing-eyes blinking only once, his motion sensors staying blank and still as though dead. “It is an honor to finally meet you.”

“I- it is an honor to finally meet you as well.” You wince at the formality of this meeting, wishing that the Starward Matchmaker™ representative and drow attendant would just leave the two of you alone, but you know that you will not receive that… how did the Starward Matchmaker™ representative put it… privilege, at least until she can see the relationship is blossoming the way it needs to.

The way they need it to.

“Your planet is beautiful,” compliments always work, and you genuinely mean this one, “I mean, well, I haven’t seen a whole lot of it, but just from the little that I’ve been through, it’s... “you shrug, “really nice.”

“Oh.” He cocks his head the other way, now, a lock of hair the color of the blue-gray stones falling into his face. “I remember, your profile says that you weren’t born on a planet.”

“No,” you shake your head, “but I’ve been planetside a- um, a few times. Humans need real gravity every now and then.”

“Real gravity is good for any ground-species.”

The conversation is going nowhere, clearly, so the Starward Matchmaker™ representative decides that this moment where she cuts in. “If I may, _keias?” _

His face looks over at her in an instant, the movement of his neck so quick it would have cracked if he was human. The prince’s gaze hardens, perhaps unnoticeable by someone of his own species, but easy to note by both you and the Starward Matchmaker™ representative. After a lone, nerve-wracking moment where he observes her like a bug beneath his feet, he offers single, clipped, nod.

“It’s been a very long journey, very much worth it, I am sure, but,” she lays a hand on your arm, and you immediately tense up, “she’s quite tired, and I’m afraid I have to get her squared away for the night. I hope you understand! I’m just here for her wellbeing in such a foreign situation.”

The prince looks at you.

You don’t say anything.

“Of course,” he says, squaring his shoulders. “Elias will bring you to your suite. May I expect you over for an evening meal?”

“We’ll see how she feels.” The Starward Matchmaker™ representative pets your arm. “This is all so overwhelming for her, I’m sure you understand.”

The prince places both hands behind his back and looks over you, not with the same chilling observation he gave the Starward Matchmaker™, but something... else. Something softer. “I’m sure I will.”

“What in god’s name was _that?” _

“I don’t understand.”

“Yes, you do.” The Starward Matchmaker™ representative folds her hands together, looking at you over them with narrowed eyes. “You went off script.”

You offer a listless shrug, looking her in the eye. The lights here, at least, are bright enough for you to see comfortably without needing to strain your eyes. “I just don’t think you can make a decent connection with someone when every permutation has been desperately thought out.”

The Starward Matchmaker™ representative huffs, pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration. “You aren’t here to be yourself, you’re here to do a gosh-darn job. This isn’t all rainbows and puppies, I thought you understood how serious this business is.”

“I do.”

“It doesn’t look like it, honey! What made you think that acting like some bland little twat was a good idea?”

You sit down on one of the plush, oddly misshapen chair, glaring at the wall while the Starward Matchmaker™ representative goes on a tirade. The room is large, the ceiling far higher than most places you’ve ended up in, and this isn’t even the full extent of your suite. You get a room, the Starward Matchmaker™ representative gets a room, a personal servant the royal family is providing gets a room, and for whatever reason, a whole extra bedroom, wholly unused, just down the hall from yours. For any guests, the drow attendant had said, but there is no one you can think of hosting at the moment.

Oh, the Starward Matchmaker™ representative looks like she’s tiring herself out. Better start nodding in agreement to whatever else she says.

“Good,” she, at least, seems satisfied. “I’m glad we’ve had this little chat, then. Hurry and wash up, then, we want you to look presentable tonight.”

So you are going to dinner. You sit up a little straighter, then bounce off the chair and into your room. There’s an adjacent bathroom, with a dress already hanging up by the mirror, a gray, fluttery thing that will ripple easily with movement. Color doesn’t really matter down here, you remember, poking at all the dull jewelry and makeup, driders and drows can’t process the light spectrum as well as humans. What they can sense, though, is movement, so clothes that shift and float with the slightest gesture are the ones that are worn to show off. Still, putting something on that’s basically the equivalent of neon orange feels like putting a target on your back.

Shower first. Think later. It’s real water, too, and not those sonic frequencies that knock dirt from pores or those sanisaunas ™ that disinfect the day’s grit away with nothing more than hazy steam. Today, though, you can’t take your time, and you are too hyped up to stay under the water’s stream for too long, no matter how blissful it feels. The soap has some kind of deep earthy scent, not one that you might select for yourself, but one you aren’t abhorrent towards. It works a nice lather against your skin, though the bar slips from your clumsy fingers since you aren’t exactly used to scrubbing the good old fashioned way.

There’s a towel waiting for you, hanging up against the rack. It’s the first thing in this place you’ve seen that’s white, even the glossy marble and metalwork of the whole suite, including the bathroom, are various shades of gray and black. Which isn’t to say that it looks terrible, because this is sincerely the most beautiful place you’ve ever managed to score, it’s just… odd, you think, that the towels are white, as though they were purchased and placed here with you in mind. You wrap it around your body, stepping out, and taking a moment to stand in front of a mirror. There are dark circles beneath your eyes, crescents of exhaustion that beg you to take a moment or two just to sleep.

You get dressed, instead. The gown is at least designed to look more complicated than it really is, and you manage to get it on by yourself. The zipper slides up your back with a bit of ease, then you smooth down the tight bodice, noticing only now how badly your hands are shaking. Your mouth tastes dry, and perhaps the unnatural ashy paleness of your skin truly brings out the grayness around your eyes. The wall is cool against your back as you lean back, sliding down to sit on the hard floor, placing your forehead against your knees.

Breathe.

It’s hard, thinking about having to eat dinner with him later. It’s hard to think about him in general, and to have him matched as your soulmate? You’ve always known these things are farces, of political or corporate gain, and now you dig your heels into the ground of that belief and hold it closer.

The door knocks with a volume and efficiency only the last person you wish to see at the moment possesses. “Time to go, sugar! We can’t have the prince waiting, can we?”

It takes a wobbling moment for you to stand, hand braced up against the wall, but you somehow manage it. Throwing up a facade of calmness that you haven’t felt since you were hauled into that interrogation room five days ago, you open the door. The Starward Matchmaker™ representative holds out a box, the lid already off to reveal a glittering pair of shoes. Not high heels, thank the gods, you don’t know how you would pull together the energy to fight her on that. It’s pair of flats, a pattern of shattered glass decorating the outside, the inside surprisingly comfortable to what anyone would assume by looking them over.

You put them on, holding on one of the chairs for balance, and take a few experimental steps. It’s decent enough, but even with thousands of years to perfect the art of shoes, it still takes a couple of good hours to break even the best of pairs in. With a small sigh, you shift the weight between your toes and heels, already feeling where those blisters are going to end up forming, but there isn’t really anything you can do about it. The Starward Matchmaker™ representative isn’t going to let you wear your old but comfy combat boots if she can help it, you’ve had to smuggle them in the very bottom of your luggage and bribe an inspector to keep quiet about it.

After a moment of watching your movements with a fixated grace that you’ve long since gotten used to, the Starward Matchmaker™ representative sighs, tucking a piece of perfectly blond hair behind her hair. “Not what we all wanted, I’m sure, but it will do.”

Pressing your lips together, you don’t risk rolling your eyes lest she suddenly decides that you are far too tired to dine with the prince tonight. You don’t wish to be stuck in the suite with her for another night, you’ll go crazy, and you can’t have the prince catching wind of any violence on your part.

“Now, remember; healthy appetite.” The Starward Matchmaker™ representative comes up behind you, playing with your still-damp hair, twisting it into something you’re sure is attractive to the driders. “There is no such thing as ‘ladylike’ here, but you must prove that you’ll be able to produce good and healthy heirs.”

You wrinkle your nose, but don’t respond.

The Starward Matchmaker™ representative tugs at your roots, causing your eyes to tear up. “And whatever you do,” her voice is low, threatening, “I will be watching. Every movement, every breath, every bite of food you dare to take. If you so much as twitch in a way I don’t like,” she pushes a pin through whatever she sculpted, taking no care to be wary of your scalp, “you will be terminated. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” Her voice turns back to that sickening cheerfulness that makes you want to wring her neck. “Turn around.”

You obey, hands flat at your sides.

“Oh,” Starward Matchmaker™ representative holds a hand over her mouth, “you look beautiful, honey! Just so,” she fans herself with her fingers, “marvelous. You’ve come such a long way in such a short time!”

You say nothing.

Read Chapter Two Here

#exophilia #male drider #drider/human #drider/reader #monster/reader #monster lovers #drider x reader #monster x reader #female reader

[blahblahwritings]

When It Rains, It Pours.

A/N: Heres to pumping out bad writing to try and resuccitate the writer inside. This didn’t turn out how I wanted it to because the evidence points aren't really explained but whatever its getting late and I'm too tired to care. 

Words: 2103.

Warnings: Well its a criminal minds fic so murder mentions, drownings, abuse mentions, kidnapping the usual.

The past few weeks had been exhausting for the BAU team, with back to back cases they rarely had time away. Their current case involved an unsub who was drowning women in their 30s one a day for the past three days. With Spencer by your side, you made your way to the medical examiner to look at the bodies for further analysis.

The abrasions around the victims wrists and ankles showed they had been restrained with rope and struggled against the binds. There were scrapes and scratches on the heels that had pieces of concrete embedded into the skin meaning that they were kept somewhere possibly underground in an old abandoned building or factory or even in someone’s basement. Reid, your husband, continued examining the body of the third, most recent, victim as you read over the reports.

“It says here they were drowned and that their lungs contained traces of common fertilisers and pesticides. So we’re looking at a rogue farmer?” Your eyebrows furrowed slightly in question. You glanced out the window, the rain streaming down the panes of glass just as heavy as it had been the past few days.

“Most likely. Given the geographical profile of where the women were last seen and where their bodies were found there are three hundred and twelve point six square meters of farmland but the problem is pinpointing which area the unsub is working in because the fertilisers are so commonly used.” He replied without breaking focus from the body in front of him. A small smile found its way to your face, his knowledge always impressing you.

“Okay, Sherlock, so what are you thinking?” You asked, putting down the report and moving towards the table. He stood to his full height, turning to you with tired eyes. “That we should call Garcia, I’ll tell her what to search for and hopefully she can give us a lead.” He almost managed to finish his sentence without a yawn. Almost. “Well you can do that in the car, you look drained, I’ll drive.” You kissed his cheek as you took the keys from him, intertwining your fingers and guiding him through the office until you reached the exit.

-

The team were taking shifts, Reid, Rossi and Kate were asleep in the hotel around the corner from the precinct while Hotch, Morgan, JJ and yourself worked on the case. You had dropped Reid off before driving through the storm to get a round of coffee to bring back to the rest of the team, your own tiredness starting to set deep into your bones. It was 11:30pm and the white noise of rain wasn’t doing anything for your sleepy state but the promise off coffee kept you from turning around and going straight back to the hotel for some much needed Zs.

You parked up outside the first 24hour coffee place you saw, ordering four of the strongest drinks they had. The lights were blinding in comparison to the streetlights outside but you stood, patiently waiting for your order. The only other customers were what looked to be two construction workers in hi-vis jackets, probably form the road works a little while back. They sat at a table in the corner, almost asleep until the guy at the counter shouted their order, causing them to startle awake. A few minutes passed and your order was called. Collecting the cup holder you jogged back to your car, opening the passenger-side door and setting them down on the seat.

As you started to walk to the drivers side, you shot a text to JJ telling her you’d be about five minutes, getting soaked in the process. Rounding the back of the car you bumped into a man, dropping your phone. Alarms sounded in your head, every muscle kicking into action as you took several steps back, a guarded look on your features. He was in his forties, well-built and had at least a foot on you with a face like clay, pushed and pulled and contorted. His boots were covered in mud and his jeans had dirt on the knees. Your phone was behind him. Your gun in the car.

Three strides and he was on you. As you opened your mouth to scream, he covered your mouth with a cloth, the sound muffling and the pungent smell of chloroform filling your nose. You held your breath and tried to fight, flinging elbows and feet behind you in a futile attempt to break free. Your last thought as you started to go limp was Spencer. Then it was dark.

-

It had been over an hour since JJ received the text from you. After her calls kept going to answer phone, Morgan had left with Hotch to try and find your car, tracking the GPS location of the vehicle to the parking lot you’d been taken in. JJ rang Reid once they had confirmed you were missing with your phone found smashed near your unlocked car. By the time he and the others arrived at the station, Morgan and Hotch had sent the security camera footage to the precinct. Spencer stood staring at the screen, fear manifesting in every fibre of his being as the only image was of your struggle against a man clearly much larger than you then your body drooping as you passed out. His vision blurred, his mind somehow coming to a standstill, unable to move or breathe.

“Spence.. Reid” JJ shook him gently. He didn’t flinch, instead turned slowly to his friend with tears in his eyes, hair messy from his hands running through it over and over. “We’re gonna find her, I promise.” But the words didn’t seem to process in the genius’ mind. Right now, all he could think about was the slim chance that you’d get out of this alive. His jaw clenched, a look of anger took over his usually soft features before he started working on the case again. He wouldn’t let you die like this, he refused. He needed you by his side and he would stop at nothing to ensure your safe return.

-

The first thing you felt was the sting of your feet being scraped against the floor, then the ache in your arms and shoulders as you realised you were being dragged by the rope binding your wrists down dark, cold hallway. You were still groggy from being drugged and couldn’t bring yourself to fight against the unsub but you tried your best, pulling at the binds. Your kidnapper grunted in response, the attempts not concerning him in the slightest. He picked you up, lying you in something cold and smooth then tying you down so you couldn’t escape. You shook yourself further awake.

“Who are you and why are you doing this.” You mumbled, the words tumbling carelessly from your lips. No response. A calloused hand found its way to your face, his thumb rubbed against your cheekbone and a whimper was heard from beside you. “What’s wrong?” You tried showing sympathy but still got nothing in return. The room was pitch black and you could only make out his silhouette. He stood, walking somewhere out of sight before you heard a door shut and lock. Your head lay back against the hard material behind you, arms hanging above and your legs folded over some kind of edge. You felt anything you could get your hands on and found you were tied to a thin pipe of some sort but nothing really became any clearer.  

A loud metallic clang sounded above you and freezing water rained down on you, soaking your already damp clothes. The light from the opening revealed you were lying in a bathtub, hands by the taps and your legs bound so you couldn’t move. You jumped at the sudden drop in temperature. Panic rose in you and you started thrashing around but to no avail. You were trapped. The only spark of hope was that the team would find you. That Spence would find you.

-

“Okay so I analysed the footage and ran it through different software and it looks as though our unsub is about 6’4” and built like a bull but thats all I can find.” Garcia’s voice rang out through the tinny speakers of the phone.

“Alright babygirl, I’m gonna need you to look for men in their mid thirties to forties who possibly works on a farm or lived on one as a kid.” Morgan began. “Yeah that’s only the entire population of the town you’re in, c’mon I need more than that.” She quipped.

“Crosscheck that with a history of violence against women or a history of abuse during childhood, the victims are a surrogate for a woman in his past possibly a parental figure as they all share similar physical attributes.” Spencer added, his brain spitting out words quicker than Garcia could really process. Rapid typing could be heard on the other end of the phone a moment after.

“Oh good doctor you are brilliant, there are two men who fit the criteria and live in the comfort zone, one being Mr. James Bailor, a 38 year old farmer who has been arrested on three accounts of domestic violence against his wife. He lives on the farm, recently ordered a batch of the same fertiliser found in the victims’ lungs and lived on a farm with his aunt at the age of eight due to abuse from his parents.” She explained before continuing. “The other is Mr. Grant O’Connor, a 43 year old farmer with a long list of felonies consisting almost entirely of beating on women and drug use. His mother died a week ago but he was taken into care at a young age because… oh my god… she tried to drown him in a tub when he was just six years old claiming his birth defects were ‘against god’ and he should be ‘cleansed and sent straight back to hell’.” She finished breathless, their backgrounds clearly upsetting her.

“Thats him. Thats our unsub.” Reid declared, grabbing his gun from the table as he stood. “Whats his address?” He asked, shaking with too many emotions to count. There were two, one being his current home and the other being the farm his mother used to live in. The team leapt into action, speeding off to the latter address.

-

The water had reached your chin, the shivering long subsided as hypothermia took over your body. You couldn’t remember when you had begun to sob, the hot tears a sharp contrast against the coldness of your skin. “PLEASE.” You wept, hopeless. “Just let me out.” Your voice broke. Exhaustion had washed over your body a long time ago, the lack of sleep, the drugs and the cold all beating you down and preventing you from fighting with any real strength.

The water continued to rise and as it reached your nose you flailed about in the water, managing to get very little air. Then the unsub came in, wrapping his hands around your throat and pushing you down into the water as you fought. A loud siren pierced the noise of the room, startling the unsub but he kept you under. You held your breath for as long as possible but you could only do so much. The door to the room burst open, slamming against the wall, muted voices shouted but your world started to fade, your hearing going too.

A shot rang out and the water turned red. You kicked your legs and felt someone cut the ropes at your wrists free, pulling your top half out of the water. Coughing up the water you’d taken in, you gasped and clawed at the body lifting you out of the water, horrified cries the only thing left to leave your mouth. Two arms wrapped around your torso which you quickly identified as Spencer’s.

“Sh sh shhh. You’re alright, I’ve got you, love, you’re safe.” He cooed, trying to calm you down as well as himself. You curled into him, sobs wracking your body as you gripped onto his shirt. You thought that you’d die here, never to see him again, never to see your friends or family. The horror and anxiety snapped your chest in two, breathing becoming even more difficult as you broke down in his arms.

“I’m never letting you out of my sight again, I love you so much, I’m so sorry. It’s okay now. It’s okay.. It’s okay…” His voice broke as he too cried, repeating those two words as you rocked back and forth.

#spencer reid #doctor spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #Criminal Minds #criminal minds imagines

[stillebesat]

Spilled Milk

Sanders Sides: Logan, Roman Blurb: Logan never expected to get in the middle of a fight while at the self-checkout of a grocery store.  Fic Type: Hurt Comfort Inspiration: From a story an acquaintance told as well as a news article I read. Warnings: Hitting, Blood, Yelling.  Taglist: At end of fic.

With how far technology had advanced in the last decade, Logan would have thought that upgrading the way machines read dollar bills would have been on someone’s list of ‘things that needs to happen ASAP.’

Beep Beep Whirr

Apparently not.

Logan barely kept a scowl off of his face as the machine at the self-check out spit out the five again. For the fourth freaking time.

“Could you hurry it up at all?” A whiny voice demanded right behind him. “Just pay already!”

Logan hunched his shoulders, doing his best to keep his distance from the lady who’d  been breathing down his neck practically the entire time he’d been standing in line for the self-checkout.

He hated when people had no concept of personal space.

“I’m trying.” He said, his voice barely above a whisper as he grabbed the bill back out of the machine, doing his best to smooth it out by running it over the edge of counter before trying again.

“Try. Faster.” She hissed, edging her cart full of groceries ever closer to him to the point where the wheels threatened to run over his foot. “Some of us are in a hurry here.”

Beep Beep Whirr

Abraham Lincoln’s face again confronted him as the machine spat it back out.

Logan briefly closed his eyes. “Come on.” He didn’t have the energy for this.

“JUST Pay with a CARD already! I don’t have all day!” The woman bumped his thigh with her cart.

He took a breath, fighting to keep his ragged emotions in check as he shakily grabbed the five back with trembling hands, smoothing it once more. If only more than one self-checkout lane had been open. Then he wouldn’t be dealing with this--this dragon witch along with the finicky check-out machine. 

“I only have cash.” He said, barely keeping his voice civil. Specifically this five dollar bill. He had nothing else. His bank account was empty. His credit card maxed out.

All because the gaming company he worked at, MantiCore, had folded. The Ceos vanishing with all the funds, having claimed bankruptcy, their stocks plummeting within seconds as word spread. And Logan...had been left without his job of nine years and the paycheck he’d been counting on having for the past two weeks. For the last ninety-eight and a half hours he’d sacrificed to work nonstop on his passion project.

He’d barely gotten more than a handful of hours of sleep frantically working to get his newest multiplayer verse ready for its release tonight at midnight...only to handed a pink slip two hours ago and unceremoniously tossed out on his ear, the game officially axed.

Logan exhaled, again sliding the bill into the slot, absently pressing his hand against the faint bulge in his pocket.

Until he found a job that would actually pay him like MantiCore had promised him, that five was the last of his funds. Enough cash to buy a quart of milk and the smallest jar of Crofters he could find.

All for nothing.

Beep Beep Ding.

Logan looked up, shoulders relaxing as the stupid device finally took his money. Finally. Two pennies and a nickel clanging into the change dish as the receipt printed out.

“Don’t just stand there like a stick in the mud!” The blonde-haired demon lady shrilled, rushing forward to take his spot. “MOVE.”

Logan flinched, hurriedly reaching out to grab his groceries to avoid getting elbowed in the gut.

Only his hand miscalculated the distance, knocking into the milk carton instead of grabbing it, sending it into the Crofters right as the woman pushed her way in front of the machine.

He yelped, barely managing to stay on his feet as the pungent floral perfume overwhelmed his senses like a sneak attack, his reflexes sluggish as he reached out to save the milk and his precious Crofters before they tipped over the edg--

Thud.

Crash.

Sploosh.

A shriek.

Logan dropped to his knees. “Sorry, I’m sorry!” He said, heart sinking at the red and white mess now covering the floor. He grabbed at the shards of glass and shattered carton of milk in a pointless attempt to keep the mess from spreading.

WHAM.

Stars danced in Logan’s eyes as the sharp edge of the woman’s fake leather purse caught him on the side of the face, knocking him straight into the liquid disaster.

“MY. SHOES!” The woman screeched, her purse again coming down on his head. “MY DRESS! YOU RUINED THEM YOU HORRID LAYABOUT!!”

Logan cried out, unable to find the words to tell the lady to stop hitting him. He curled up in a ball covering his head with his arms in a futile attempt to ward off her attacks. Why? Just...why?

“YOU. DID. THAT. ON. PURPOS---HEY!”

“I believe.” A cool voice said in the sudden silence as Logan cautiously looked up to see a man around his own age, wearing a red and white jacket, easily holding the woman’s raised arm in place. “That that is quite enough, miss. This guy isn’t at fault--”

She gaped at him, before tugging fitfully at her arm. “NOT AT FAULT?! HE--LET GO OF ME YOU--!”

The stranger let go, stepping to the side as the store’s security guard reached them.

“You ruined your own clothes.” He interrupted at the same time the guard said “Ma’am I need you to come with me.”

She gaped at them both, strap of her purse held loosely in her hand. “What? WHY! HE’S--!”  

“Because you assaulted another customer, ma’am.” The guard jerked a thumb over his shoulder to the wall. “The cameras caught it all on tape--”

The rest of the conversation faded from Logan’s ears as his rescuer crouched in front of him, his warm brown eyes searching his face. “You okay?”

It took Logan a moment to remember he should be answering the question. “F-fine.” He winced at the tremor in his voice and looked away. “Just...fine.” What was one more thing going wrong compared to his entire nightmare filled week?

The man snorted. “Doubtful, you’re covered in jelly.”

“Jam.”

“Same thing.”

Logan scoffed. “They’re completely different!”

His rescuer picked up a shard of glass that had the Crofters label on it and smirked. “Alright. I’ll give you that. Crofters is on a whole different tier really-” He abruptly shook his head, holding out his other hand. “Geez man, don’t get me on a Crofters kick! You’re wet, injured, and look like you haven’t slept in a week.”

“Four days.” The correction slipped out of his mouth before he could stop it as Logan allowed his rescuer to pull him to his feet.

He gritted his teeth, his right leg protesting the movement as crackling zings of agony made themselves known and glanced down, shuddering as he noted the shards of glass sticking through the fabric. It was obvious that not all those dark stains on his pants were from the Crofters.

The man clicked his tongue. “Well, no wonder you look like death, Specs! Come on.” He scooped Logan up into his arms like he weighed nothing. “I don’t even know how you’re holding a conversation with me.” He said, ignoring Logan’s undignified yelp as he threw his arms around his rescuer’s neck. “I mean, I’ve done forty-eight hours before and I was positively loopy by the time I finally crashed.” He said, carefully moving them out of the liquid puddle while a couple of workers from the store descended on the spill with brooms and mops, heading for a bench nearby. “Unfortunately for me, my roomie at the time got video of it so I can’t just pretend it never happened and I haven’t yet found a way to get my own blackmail against the guy--” He sat Logan gently down, kneeling in front of him. “Mind if I look at that leg?” He asked, hand hovering over his knee.

Was this guy for real? “Are you a Doctor?” He asked, wincing as he pulled up his stained pant leg for the man to see.

His rescuer ruefully shook his head. “Hardly, that’s my Ma actually.” He grinned sheepishly, pulling out a pack of bandages and neosporin with a wadded up receipt from his jacket. “When I was nine she told me. ‘Ro, if ya gonna keepa getten in dese imeeginery fights I will needa teacha how ta fix yaself up.’” He shrugged, frowning at the glass embedded in Logan’s skin. “Not my fault I had to battle so many Dragon Witches as a ki--

Wait. Dragon Witches? But he’d...Logan snorted, raising a hand to his mouth trying to turn his laugh into a cough.

The man--Ro raised an eyebrow, shoulders hunching slightly. “What’s so funny?”

Logan shook his head, glancing to the woman still shouting at the self-checkout. “That’s...that’s what I mentally called her, before…” He gestured to his soaking clothes. “A Dragon Witch.”

Ro’s eyes lit up. “Oh really?” He drawled, giving the woman another considering look. “I always thought she’d be taller...more...scaley.”

Logan stifled another laugh, shaking his head. Perhaps it was the stress getting to him. Very likely the lack of sleep too. “Same. I designed her that way in….” He exhaled, sitting back, briefly touching his shirt pocket. “In One Knight Joan-Lee.”

“YOU!” His rescuer was suddenly nose to nose with him, hands on his shoulders. “You are---you--the Joan-Lee games are Ah-May-ZING!! I couldn’t believe it ---Did you---How were you connected with--”

Logan blinked, caught by surprise at the adoration in Ro’s vibrant brown eyes. “I…” His hand gripped his shirt pocket. “I am--was--one of the Creators.”

Ro inhaled sharply. Eyes going wide. “You’re---”

“Sir?”

The two of them looked up, Ro sitting back on his heels as the medic adjusted the strap of his bag. Behind him and his partner, a handful of police officers were attempting to sooth the wom--Logan’s lips quirked in a small smile. The Dragon Witch as she railed against them, obviously refusing to come quietly.

“Can I see your injuries?” The medic asked, placing his bag on the ground as he knelt, quickly setting to work once Logan nodded, his attention quickly drawn away from his rescuer to answering questions asked by the men treating him and then giving his statement to the police once they’d taken the Dragon Witch out of the store. By the time the paramedics were packing up their things with a word of caution to go to the hospital if he experienced any dizziness or vomiting, Ro had vanished.

Logan exhaled, rolling down his pant leg over the bandages before cautiously standing, glad to not be going to the hospital. It wasn’t like he could afford it with no money to his name.

“Yo, Specs.”

 He turned in time to catch a soft cloth bag thrown at his chest. “Wha--”

Ro grinned, holding up a bulging grocery bag. “The store replaced your food and then some, but I figured you could use a change of clothes too. I wouldn’t want to drive home covered in milk and jam.”

And blood.

Logan clutched his bag tighter to his chest, tearing his eyes away from the extra food and peered inside of his own to see a pair of jeans, socks, and a dark t-shirt inside. Truthfully, he hadn’t expected his rescuer to stick around after giving his witness statement, let alone give him clothes. This was--He licked his lips. “Ro, I couldn’t--”

“Sure you can and…” Ro hesitated, looking uncertain as he slipped a hand in his pocket. “I’m also sorry you got axed from MantiCore today...Logan.”

Logan started, looking up. “How!--” He didn’t recall giving his rescuer his name.

Ro raised an eyebrow. “Come on, ‘one of the Creators,’ Specs? How about the Creator of One Knight Joan-Lee. I would know your design style anywhere which is why.” He held out a card, tilting it so that the logo to MantiCore’s top rival, ChiMera, was visible. “My company would welcome you with open arms.” He shrugged as Logan gaped at him open mouthed.

No. It couldn’t be. Ro wasn’t...was he? His rescuer couldn’t be Roman Prince freaking CEO of ChiMera! The rival of the gaming world had been gunning to take sales away from MantiCore for years! Why would that CEO, why would Roman himself, even deign to walk in a grocery store let alone this grocery store? How!

“No strings attached of course should you decide to try elsewhere.” Ro--Roman? fidgeted under Logan’s bewildered stare “The clothes aren’t a bribe or anything, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

The thought had crossed his mind.

Roman spread his arms, grocery bag swinging. “But the offer stands. A talent like yours shouldn’t be wasted, Lo.  You would have a good, well paying job with us. I promise.”

Of all the ways he expected today to end-- “I…” Logan cleared his throat, a small smile spreading on his face, the weight of the flashdrive holding his entire One Knight Joan-Lee program warm in his shirt pocket as he reached out to take the card. “I would like that, Roman. Thanks.” 

End.

Taglist: @loverofpizzaandallthingssweet @not-so-innocent-bi-sander @redundant-statements-for-400 @aikogumi @depressed-alone @lizziepopanime @midnightcandy @sidewritings @nekoabi @ironwoman359 @ilovereadingandilovebreathing @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 @theblackhoundsdaughter @littlemiracle05 @virgil-has-a-houseplant @caristars @seas-space-and-stardust @thedannyparable @faacethefacts @but-jesuschrist-im-never-good @fancydelusionluminary @generalfandomfabulousness @theincediblesulk @i-am-avacado @entitydark @unikornavenger @iris-sanders-athena @narniasfinestavengingsociopath @queen-of-all-things-snuggly @uniquesoulshatter @made-of-bitterness-and-sarcasm @moltengoldenstardust @sanders-is-awesome @myownhappilyeverafter @dragonsight9 @loving-neko @lucifer-in-my-head  @punsterterry @riley-castillo @sleepyssnail @fandomcrazy899 @fuck-perfection-be-a-mess @yay-cats9 @i-will-physically-fight-you @wisepuma23 @jemthebookworm @sanders-sides-thuri @fandersfic-logan​ @fandersfic-logince​ @strangerthings-and-phan​ @sparkedawg​ @kirsten-the-freak​ @aliferous-ly​ @pattson​ @jughead-is-canonically-aroace​ @saphirestrike​ @ssimplypatton​ @birdybabybird​ @dementeddracon​ @countessmissyshort​ @heythereprincey​ @inalandofmythandtimeofmagic​ @savingshae​ @somepostontheinternet​ @nyamafriend​ @topiwolf​ .

#Spilled Milk #stillebesat #Sanders Sides #Logan #Roman #Logic #Creativity #yelling tw #blood tw #hitting tw #fanfic

[estamos-destinadas]

Harry Potter (Ilvermorny) AU: Juliana’s 1st Year, Valentina’s 3rd -- 2 months before the summer holidays

1

Juliana transfigures a rock into a twig, then into a leaf, and finally into a piece of parchment.

“You’re getting really good at that,” Valentina says beside her.

They’re in their little spot in the courtyard, studying for the upcoming final exams in the beautiful weather of that particular Sunday afternoon. Well, they’re supposed to be studying, but they’re just chatting about everything and nothing while enjoying the mild spring breeze.

“Qué?” Juliana asks, putting the transfigured parchment on the table in front of them.

The table is a new addition. They borrowed it from another part of the courtyard, levitating it together to their corner when no one was looking. Juliana was worried about getting into trouble over it, but Valentina was right; nobody made them move the table back to its original spot or even commented about its new one.

“Transfiguration,” Valentina says, waving a hand at Juliana’s parchment in emphasis. “You know that’s the hardest branch of wand-based magic, right?”

Juliana shrugs. She does know; or rather, her classmates keep pointing that fact out when they discuss Transfiguration practical exams. Juliana nods along when they complain, but the truth is that she’s not having trouble with practical Transfiguration. It wasn’t that difficult to imagine a rock into a twig, or a leaf into a parchment. However, “The equations are hard. I still don’t really understand how all those factors combine into a spell.”

Valentina shakes her head. “That’s theory, it’ll get easier to understand with repetition.” She gives Juliana knowing grin, “Just admit you’re good at it.”

Juliana opens her mouth to argue but thinks better of it at the look on Valentina’s face, the one that says she’ll heap more praises on her if Juliana keeps objecting. “Well, maybe if this whole Ilvermorny thing doesn’t pan out, I can work as a magician in one of those shows.”

Valentina shoots her a confused look.

“A Muggle magician,” Juliana clarifies.

“Qué?”

“Like this,” Juliana transfigures the piece of parchment in her hand into a bouquet of paper flowers. She hands the flowers to Valentina, who accepts it bemusedly, though she still draws the flowers closer to her chest in reflex. When Valentina looks down at the bouquet of flowers to inspect it, Juliana transfigures it again to its original rock form.

The expression of absolute bewilderment on Valentina’s face is so adorable, Juliana bursts out laughing.

Valentina gives her a pout that is very obviously pretend. “You’re making fun of me,” she says, stomping her foot.

“Noooo,” Juliana denies through her laughter.

Valentina shakes her head, but she soon joins in on Juliana’s amusement, her dimples showing as she giggles. “You’re so silly, Juls.”

“I was only--” Juliana starts, but is cut off by a shrill sound coming from her robe pocket.

She fishes out her Floo Glass, which has clouded over, a voice informing her that she has a call from Lupé. Unlike calls from other Floo Glasses, where the caller has to announce themselves, calls from Muggle phones are announced by an embedded voice within the device. Juliana finds that more convenient than having to repeatedly call someone’s name to get their attention, though she wishes they used ringtones instead of a shrill annoying voice.

Juliana whispers, “accept the call,” and the Floo Glass clears to show a picture of an old telephone. The Floo Glass is permanently on the equivalent of on-speaker setting in a Muggle phone, so she puts it on the table in front of her.

“Mom?” she starts, glancing at Valentina with furrowed brows. She doesn’t know why her mom is calling. Valentina looks back at her, curious.

“Juliana,” the caller says. It’s not her mom’s voice.

Juliana’s heart jumps to her throat. She picks up the Floo Glass, drawing it closer. “Who is this? Where’s my mom?”

“Juli,” the caller says, “it’s Rosita, your neighbour. Everything is alright now, but your mom’s in the hospital--”

“What?” Juliana gets up to her feet, drawing the Floo Glass closer to her face. “What happened?”

“Your-- El Chino, he beat her up.”

Anger flashes through Juliana, but Rosita continues talking before she can respond.

“Don’t worry, she’s okay now! But I-- well-- I had to take her to the hospital and they insisted on keeping her overnight for observation. She has a concussion.”

“What!” Juliana explodes. “How can she be okay if she has a concussion? And where is Chino? I’m going to--” she cuts herself off, not knowing what she means to do. That familiar feeling of helpless rage against the man rises within her.

“He’s gone,” says Rosita. “He left. I think they were fighting about that, about him leaving. But your mom is alright now, Juli, don’t worry. It happened this morning.”

“Then why--?”

“I tried to contact you as soon as I could,” Rosita adds hurriedly. “Your mother managed to give me your number, but it didn’t ring when I called through my phone. At first I thought it was because the number is wrong, I mean it doesn’t look like a phone number. I’m calling through your mom’s phone now.”

Juliana is barely listening to her neighbour’s explanations. She tightens her grip around the Floo Glass, her palm hurting. She feels a warm hand on her back. Valentina. She loosens her grip and takes a deep breath, trying to calm down.

“Rosi, which hospital are you in?”

Rosita gives her the hospital’s name, a small public one near the trailer park where they live. “But Juli,” Rosita adds, “you don’t have to come here. Your mom says you can’t leave your boarding school at any time. Lupé is alright, really. I only called because I thought you should know.”

“No. I’m going there. Rosita-- can you-- can you please watch her? Just until I get there.”

“Of course,” comes the kind reply.

Juliana thanks Rosita and ends the call, gathering her things immediately afterwards.

Valentina hovers close.

Juliana looks up, meeting her worried gaze. “I have to go,” she says, slinging her bag over one shoulder. “I have to go to my mom.”

. 

Juliana hurries towards the Entrance Hall, mentally kicking herself the whole way.

Chino had not left when Juliana came back to Ilvermorny after the winter break. Every time her mom calls, Lupé would talk about how nice Chino was with her, how much he was like his old self. All of that stopped over a month ago, but Juliana never asked why. She was only too glad that she didn’t have to hear about Chino anymore. She should have known that he had stopped playing nice. No, she did know, she just didn’t want to hear her mom confirm it.

Juliana stops in front of one of the fireplaces in the Entrance Hall, Valentina right behind her. She looks frantically around for a pot of Floo Powder, but there is none in sight.

“Where is the Floo Powder!” she bursts out, more an exclamation of frustration than a question. She closes her fists, tightening her grip around the Floo Glass that’s still in her hand.

“Juls,” Valentina begins as she reaches out for Juliana’s hand, taking the Floo Glass and rubbing at the red mark it made on Juliana’s palm. Despite herself, Juliana’s sense of urgency dissipates a little. “We have to get permission to leave school, remember?”

“My mom’s hurt, Val,” Juliana says through gritted teeth. It’s all she can do not to stomp her foot. “I can’t just stay here.”

“I know,” Valentina says calmly. “Let’s go to Professor Henson’s office, we can ask for permission from her. Her fireplace is connected to the Network, we can Floo from there.”

Juliana concedes, letting Valentina take charge. Hand still holding hers, Valentina leads them through several hallways and up a flight of stairs until they are right in front of the office of Pukwudgie’s Head of House. The knocker, shaped like a Pukwudgie head, asks for the purpose of their visit. Valentina tells it, leaving out the details. The door opens and a disembodied voice tells them to take a seat and wait for Professor Henson.

Valentina ushers Juliana inside, closing the door behind them as she leads Juliana towards a pair of chairs in front of the large desk. The fireplace is on the other side of the room, unlit because of the warm spring day.

Juliana barely takes note of anything else in the room. She’s too worried about her mom, thinking about what Chino must have done to give Lupé a concussion.

“Juls,” Valentina’s voice cuts into her spiralling thoughts.

Juliana looks up at her. Valentina’s gaze is filled with concern.

“Juls, quién is El Chino?”

Juliana feels her heart drop like a lead weight to her stomach, finally registering the fact that Valentina heard everything. She tries to think of a way to explain El Chino without giving away the fact that he is her father, but she knows she can’t lie to Valentina anymore.

“El Chino… El Chino es mi papá,” Juliana begins. “What I told you about him leaving me and my mom when I was a kid, that-- that was a lie. He leaves, but he always comes back. He’s a bad man, he-- he works for a drug cartel.” She takes a pause before forcing out, “And he hurts my mom.”

Juliana keeps her gaze directed downwards, not wanting to meet Valentina’s eyes. Her face burns as shame courses through her, for having grown up in a home like hers, for having a father like El Chino Valdés. She shuts her eyes tight, afraid of Valentina’s reaction. She feels like a spinning top threatening to wobble out of its steady axis.

“Did he--” Valentina falters, her voice shaky, “did he hurt you?”

Juliana opens her eyes and glances up at Valentina, but quickly looks down again.

“No,” she replies, shaking her head in emphasis. Chino never hurt her physically; at least, not more than Lupé had when Juliana was younger, nor other parents around their neighbourhood when they were angry with their children.

Valentina reaches across the short space between them and put her hands over Juliana’s. She squeezes, and Juliana finally meets her gaze. There is no judgment in Valentina’s blue eyes, only open acceptance, and deep concern. Juliana allows herself to breathe.

“We’ll go to your mom as soon as we get permission,” Valentina says reassuringly. “It sounds like she will be alright and if not,” Valentina moves her chair closer to Juliana’s so their knees are touching, “if not, we’ll find a way to get her the best Healers.”

Juliana sags slightly in her seat, not quite in relief but in a reduction of worry. She nods, holding on to Valentina’s hands, steadying herself.

⁂

Valentina and Juliana are still holding hands when Professor Henson arrives, entering the office through a door by the fireplace and taking her customary seat, across the desk from Valentina and Juliana.

“Which one of you needs permission to leave school?” the professor asks, taking out a quill and parchment from the desk drawer. Valentina can’t help but notice her purple nail polish, which compliments her dark skin beautifully. “You do know I’ll need to confirm it with your parents? Well, in your case, Miss Carvajal, I’ll need to check with your older sister.”

“Uhm, Professor, it’s me,” Juliana speaks up. “My mom’s in the hospital, I need to go to her.”

“Oh.” The professor’s expression morphs into concern. “What happened?” she asks, putting away the first parchment and fishing out two coloured ones from the drawer. She starts writing something down on the orange parchment.

Juliana starts stammering, “I-- well, I--”

“Professor,” Valentina takes over, squeezing Juliana’s hand. “We’re not required to give you that information, are we?”

Professor Henson raises an eyebrow at Valentina. Valentina gazes back defiantly; she knows Juliana feels uncomfortable talking about what happened.

“It’s okay, Val,” says Juliana. “Professor, I-- my mom was-- it’s El Chino-- I mean, my father-- he--”

“I see,” the professor cuts in. “Of course you can go to her.” She gazes at Juliana, her brows furrowed, her dark eyes kind and understanding. “I’ll excuse you from your classes if you’re not back by tomorrow.” She starts writing on the green parchment, “and of course, Ilvermorny will cover the hospitalisation fees.”

Valentina frowns in confusion; she didn’t know that there are costs to being hospitalised.

Juliana, on the other hand, seems to have thought about it already. “What? No, Professor. I can pay it myself. I have-- I have some savings. I think it should be enough, with the conversion rate.”

The professor stares at Juliana with wide, almost disbelieving eyes. “No, Miss Valdés, the school will cover it. This is part of your admission. We want our students, you, to focus on your classes, not worry about other things.”

“But--”

“Juls,” Valentina squeezes Juliana’s hand before reaching out to put an arm around her shoulders. “Let the school take care of it, please. Let’s just worry about going to your mom.”

Juliana looks up at Valentina, biting her lip, seemingly having an internal debate with herself. After a moment, she nods, relenting, and Valentina gives her a small smile. Juliana returns it with a grateful smile of her own.

The fireplace roars to life, and Valentina and Juliana look up to see that Professor Henson has moved to stand by the fireplace. She’s carrying a pot of Floo powder. They make their way towards her, hand in hand, but Professor Henson doesn’t give them the Floo Powder.

“Miss Carvajal,” says the professor, “you don’t have permission to leave school.”

Valentina balks. “What? Professor, please, I want to go with Juliana.”

“It’s alright, Val,” says Juliana, squeezing Valentina’s hand. “I can go by myself.”

“No,” Professor Henson says, a faint note of exasperation in her voice. “Miss Valdés,” she shoots a pointed look at Juliana, “you are not going by yourself. Professor Borges is going with you. I’ve sent her a message and she’s on her way here now.”

2

Juliana takes quick strides towards her mother the moment she arrives at the ward that they put her in. As she approaches, it becomes increasingly obvious that a concussion is not the only injury El Chino left on Lupé. There is a cut on her lip, her cheek is bruised, and she is sporting a black eye.

“Ma,” Juliana croaks, standing right by her mother’s bed and taking her hand. “What did he do to you?”

Lupé is sitting up, but her eyes are unfocused. Juliana looks towards Rosita, who is standing on the opposite side.

“I don’t know, Juli,” Rosita says helplessly. “I--” she flicks a glance towards Lupé, “I heard some shouting, but--” she stops herself again, looking carefully at Lupé, but Lupé is staring straight ahead, seemingly unhearing. “There was some shouting, but it stopped, and the next thing I knew, your fa-- El Chino was knocking on my door and asking me to take your mom to the hospital because he has somewhere to go.”

Juliana grits her teeth.

Lupé speaks up. “He only slipped, Juli,” she starts, looking plaintively at Juliana as she covers Juliana’s hand with both of hers. “He apologised, and I know he’s truly sorry. He even asked Rosita to bring me here. I didn’t want to come here, but he insisted on it. He even gave me money to pay for it.”

Juliana suddenly feels exhausted. This isn’t the first time that Chino hurt her mother, but it’s the first time his actions sent her to the hospital. Earlier, when she heard about what happened, a small part of her foolishly hoped that this would be the final straw that would make her mother realise what a horrible man Chino is.

She was wrong.

She draws her hand back from Lupé’s grip. She wants to point out to her mother that Chino is the reason she’s in the hospital, wants to remind her of all the times Chino hurt her in the past, but she can’t do it now. Not when Lupé’s eyes look unfocused, not when there are other people around.

Despite Juliana’s protests, Professor Henson insisted that she needed an adult to come with her to the hospital. Valentina tried to come with her too, but she quickly relented when Professor Henson pointed out that she was delaying Juliana’s departure. Juliana is glad that Valentina couldn’t come. Valentina is the most open-minded and accepting person she’s ever met, but Juliana still feels ashamed at the thought of her best friend witnessing what her Muggle life is really like.

Unfortunately, Juliana can’t stop Professor Borges from coming with her.

“The school will cover your hospitalisation fees, Mrs. Valdés,” Professor Borges chooses that moment to join in. She was standing a few feet away, but she walks towards them now. “It’s part of Juliana’s scholarship, extra emergency fund for family members.”

Rosita makes an impressed noise.

“In fact, I’ll go talk to the staff about it,” Professor Borges continues. She turns to Rosita and extends her hand, introducing herself, “I’m Lucía, Juliana’s teacher. Would you mind showing me to the cashier?”

Rosita leads Professor Borges out of the ward, leaving Juliana and Lupé by themselves. Juliana gazes at her mother, but Lupé has looked away and is refusing to meet her eyes.

“Ma--”

Lupé shakes her head, then immediately brings her hands up to her temples. “Not now, Juli, por favor.”

Juliana presses her lips together. She knows her words won’t get through to Lupé, they never did. She has no reason to expect any different now, especially when Lupé is dealing with a concussion. Her mother looks so pitiful, with her bruised face and clouded eyes, one of which is half-closed from injury. Juliana’s stomach churns violently.

“Juli.”

The anger that Valentina soothed with her soft words and gentle touch starts rising within Juliana again. She feels almost choked with helpless rage. She’s mad at Chino but he’s not here, and even if he was she won’t be able to do anything about it.

“Juliana.”

She doesn’t even have her wand with her, she had to surrender it before leaving school.

“Juliana!”

She snaps out of her thoughts, looking up at her mother to see Lupé’s gaze directed at her hands. Juliana looks down and realises that she’s clutching the edge of her mother’s blanket. An angry red colour has taken over the blanket’s normal white, starting from the point of contact with her hands and spreading out like a blot. But the colour isn’t blood; the fabric simply turned red at and around the area where Juliana is touching it.

Juliana quickly lets go of the blanket, staring at the red spot in shock. She didn’t mean to do anything, but there’s no one else who could have changed the blanket’s colour. Juliana brings a hand up to her forehead. It’s the first time she’s done accidental magic since she started at Ilvermorny. She looks around in alarm, but no one seems to be paying them any attention.

“I’m sorry, ma,” she says shakily, running a hand over her face. Now she’s the one who can’t look at her mother, afraid to be met with fear or disgust.

“Oh, baby.” Juliana feels her mother’s hand on her cheek, nudging her lightly so she meets her gaze. “It’s alright, I know you didn’t mean that. We can get your professor to change it back.”

Even with her bruised eye, there’s no denying the concern and understanding in Lupé’s expression.

Juliana’s anger is taken over by guilt and sorrow. She swallows, trying to keep her emotions in check, and swallows once more. It hurts to see her mother so beat up. “I’m sorry,” she says again, but she’s no longer talking about the accidental magic.

. 

Lupé is given a clean bill of health and gets discharged from the hospital the next day. Juliana decides to stay with her at their trailer for one more night, but Professor Borges has to go back to school to teach her classes. The professor comes back in the evening with a jar of what she calls ‘murtlap essence’ for Lupé’s bruises. She tells Juliana that she will pick her up the next day, but Lupé insists on being the one to accompany Juliana to the nearby Floo Station. Professor Borges doesn’t stay long after that, leaving with the reminder that Juliana can call her if she needs anything else.

Juliana tries to talk to her mother about what Chino did, but Lupé is having none of it. Juliana doesn’t push, tired of listening to the excuses Lupé makes for Chino. It’s a conversation that will have to be buried, probably never to be dug up. Juliana is used to it.

Juliana gets to sleep on their only bed beside her mother that night, but she finds no comfort in the sound of her mother’s sobs as she tries to fight back her own tears.

 .

Despite the rough night, Lupé is looking much better the following morning, her bruises almost faded thanks to the murtlap essence. She prepares a big breakfast for Juliana, asking about her classes and talking about their summer plans, as though the past couple of days’ events didn’t happen. Juliana allows herself to chatter happily with her mother. They’ve always been good at pretending that everything is alright.

As promised, Lupé accompanies Juliana to the Floo Station across town. Juliana says goodbye to her mother hoping -- wishing, fervently -- that Chino will not come back to their lives.

3

Juliana arrives at Ilvermorny by Professor Henson’s office. The professor is not in the room, but Juliana’s wand is on the coffee table right in front of the fireplace, along with a note telling her that she can skip her morning classes but that she is expected to go to her afternoon ones. It’s almost lunchtime, so Juliana makes her way to her dormitory to change into her school robes. She goes back down to the common room just as several of her classmates enter through the main door.

Juliana stops by the doorway to the girls’ dormitories as her classmates make a beeline for her, all of them wearing expressions of concern.

Alanna, a button-nosed girl shorter than Juliana, reaches her first. “Juliana,” she starts, “Professor Henson said you had a family emergency. I’m glad to see you back!”

Her other classmates echo the sentiment as Juliana finds herself being marched to one of the sofas. A few of them ask her what happened, but someone gives her a rundown of the lessons they’d covered while she was away. Juliana is surprised by her classmates’ concern; she became friendly with all of them over the last several months, even joining Alanna and her friends, Grace and Kieran, for group activities, but she still spent most of her time with Valentina. Touched, Juliana tells them a little of what happened, that her mother was admitted to a hospital but that she has been discharged.

“Well, I’m glad,” Alanna declares loudly, stopping everyone from asking further questions. “We were worried when we didn’t see you in class, and Professor Henson didn’t tell us what your emergency was.”

“We were going to ask Valentina,” Grace pipes up, “it seems like she knew what happened. But, you know… she’s Valentina Carvajal.”

Juliana nods, aware that her classmates are in awe of the older girl.

“Grace cried,” Kieran tells Juliana.

“Shut up, Kieran!” Grace reaches over to give the boy a slap on the arm. “I was worried, okay! What if someone had passed away?”

Juliana’s lips twitch up into a smile. Grace cries at everything, History of Magic lessons included, but Juliana appreciates the sentiment all the same.

Before anyone else can respond, a familiar voice rings out across the common room. “Juls!”

Juliana turns around to see Valentina making a beeline for her, rounding the sofa and practically jumping over an armchair in her haste. Kieran, who didn’t get out of her way in time, is unceremoniously pushed aside.

“Juls,” Valentina says again, softer this time, as she reaches Juliana and wraps her in a tight hug.

Juliana falls into Valentina’s embrace, forgetting about everyone else around them.

After a moment, Valentina pulls away only to put her forehead against Juliana’s. “Hey,” she says, her voice reflecting the gentleness in her eyes. “Are you okay? Is your mom okay?”

Juliana swallows. Unable to speak, she answers with a nod.

“Good,” Valentina says before wrapping her arms around Juliana again. “I’m glad,” she adds, running a hand up and down Juliana’s back.

In the comfort of Valentina’s arms, Juliana feels the tension she didn’t know she was carrying leave her body.

“Grace is crying again.”

“It’s just so lovely!”

⁂

Later that afternoon, after their classes, Valentina and Juliana go to watch Ilvermorny’s Quidditch Team practising at the makeshift pitch on one side of the school’s expansive field. They’ve made a habit of it since Christmas, when Valentina played with some members of the team. Aside from the Captain, who was already in the team when Valentina backed out on the Reserve Seeker position, everyone is friendly with her. Gwen, Maddie, and Charles even make it a point to wave at her and Juliana as they climb up the stands by the makeshift pitch.

“I brought snacks,” Valentina says as they take their seats, drawing out a jar of salted and chilli-coated peanuts out of her school bag. The snack is sold by an older student, and Juliana has taken a liking to it.

Juliana gives her a small smile. “Thanks, Val,” she says, absently taking a handful of peanuts.

Juliana has been quiet since she got back, her smiles not reaching her eyes. Valentina tried several ways to get a genuine smile out of her, but to no avail. Earlier, she asked Juliana if she wanted to do something other than watch Quidditch practice, but Juliana only shook her head and said she wanted to enjoy the weather outside. But Juliana looks like she’s not enjoying it at all.

Valentina bites her lip, frowning. Juliana has always been able to cheer her up when she’s in a mood, Valentina feels like a failure as a friend that she can’t do it now when the situation is reversed. Lost, she turns to look up at the Quidditch team practising in the air, idly noting Charles doing an unnecessary loop-de-loop and the Captain yelling at him for showing off.

“Val,” Juliana says softly.

Valentina turns back to Juliana, so quickly her hair whips around. Her eyes widen, eager, waiting for Juliana to say something more.

“Val, I want to say I’m sorry,” Juliana says, her eyebrows drawn into a slight frown.

“What? What for?”

“For lying to you about my father. I’ve been--”

“No, Juls,” Valentina cuts in quickly, reaching out to cover Juliana’s hand with her own. “Don’t apologise about that.”

“But--”

Valentina puts down the jar of peanuts on her other side and holds Juliana with both hands, squeezing gently. “I understand why you didn’t tell me about him, okay?” she says, making sure to meet Juliana’s eyes. “You’re not-- you don’t owe anyone an explanation, no one at all,” she adds, putting emphasis on her words when she recalls how Juliana stuttered through telling Professor Henson about what happened. She knows Juliana has resolved to tell Jane and Lina about everything as well, but Valentina wants her to understand that she should only do it if she’s comfortable.

Valentina thinks about how hard it must be for Juliana, having a father like the one she described. Valentina’s own father was always away on business trips too, but his projects are all aimed at helping people, and he has never been anything but loving to Valentina.

“I can only imagine…” she starts, but trails off immediately. The truth is, she can never imagine Juliana’s life at home. It’s like an unknown shadow that Juliana tries to keep away. Valentina won’t force her to talk about it. She only wishes she can protect Juliana from anything that would try to hurt her.

“I--” Juliana stutters out before swallowing. She takes a deep breath. “Gracias, Val,” she says, not quite smiling, but her brown eyes are no longer clouded.

Valentina gives her a bracing smile. “Is that why you’ve been so quiet?”

“Yes,” says Juliana. “Well, no, not exactly, but…”

“What?”

Juliana looks around them. There are other students watching the Quidditch practice, but they’re several feet away and out of earshot. Still, Juliana shuffles closer to Valentina and whispers, “I did accidental magic.”

“Really? When? Did the Muggles see it?”

“No, I-- I was holding a white blanket, and the spot I was touching turned red! Not blood red. It was just like it was dyed red.”

“Really?”

Juliana nods vigorously, looking at Valentina as though she might be able to explain it. However, Valentina’s experience with accidental magic was very different. She flies, makes things explode, and once, she transported to a candy store in the middle of the night when her parents wouldn’t let her have sweets before bedtime. That was all in the past; she has never done accidental magic after she started Ilvermorny. Then again, since she lives in Mexico, so she’s allowed to bring her wand with her when she goes home. Her dad also makes Valentina and her siblings take wandless magic lessons from a private tutor every summer, giving them better control of their magic.

“That sounds like a kind of Transfiguration,” is the only thing Valentina can say.

“Val,” Juliana says, pushing her by their still joined hands. “Not again.”

“I’m just saying!” Valentina grins teasingly. “Turning things a different colour, that’s Transfiguration.”

“Isn’t it Charms?”

“No, no, it’s Transfiguration. You should listen to me, I’m in third year and older than you.”

Valentina rarely uses the age card, but it never fails to get a rise out of Juliana when she does. This time is no different. Juliana playfully pushes Valentina again. Valentina pretends to topple over, almost doing so in the process were it not for Juliana pulling her back.

“You are ridiculous,” Juliana declares, but she’s fighting back a smile.

Valentina simply grins, elated to see the brightness coming back to Juliana’s eyes.

#juliantina #here have this 5000+ word prologue for the next instalment of the hp au I'm writing #I haven't started on the main story and it'll be months before I can finish it #and I'm not posting on it ao3 until that happens #but I thought I'd share this prologue here since it's kind of self-contained #harry potter au #ilvermorny au #stories

[frehleys-baby]

Resurrection Fic, Chapter 1

(Alternatively titled Gene Goes Yeet, proofread by the lovely @cosmicrealmofkissteria ! Warning for mild blood and gore and death!)

Gene wished she’d just stayed asleep.

He wished he could’ve stayed asleep, wished he could’ve just rolled over and pulled Frances in his arms and went right back to sleep, hearing her sigh out a contented breath as he drifted back into dreamland.

But he couldn’t. Not tonight. Tonight was a night to atone, a night to fix mistakes of past, present and future. A night to make everything right, to turn all his wrongs around.

And Lord knows he had plenty of those.

As he coasted along a dimly lit road, he heard Frances’s breathing start to falter and become sharper as she returned to the land of the conscious.

Her short blonde bangs were messy, with the rest of her. She was in wrinkled PJs, a shirt of his and some lounge pants, barefoot.

Gene had pulled her out of bed, remembering with a bittersweet fondness how she’d clung to his arm in her sleep, grumbling protests. He’d simply kissed the furrows on her forehead until she had drifted back enough into sleep to continue putting her in the car.

Her utterly disheveled bangs were hiding eyebrows Gene knew were scrunched in confusion, and through bleary brown eyes, she struggled to identify him in the darkness of the car.

“It’s me”, he spoke, the edge of his voice cutting across the black shadow of the car, and he watched her body ease out of flight or fight mode.

“...Am I dreaming?” She asked, voice thick with drowsiness as Frances patted around the roof of the car for the light.

It flicked on as he took a breath to answer, and Gene could feel her eyes boring through him, starting to become fully awake to the world and what was occurring in the moment. He could feel the confusion, the slight fear radiating off her in hitting him like bullets. Each second longer put new holes in his skin, tearing through his control and his steeled face. They ricocheted around the car as he exhaled, and turned his eyes to briefly meet hers.

“We’re moving.”

Her eyes widened in surprise, then a laugh nervously jittered past her lips. Gene tensed at the sound, and the anxious bubble of laughter stopped as quickly as it came.

“You’re kidding, right?”

“No.”

“Seriously, why are we in the car? This is a joke!”

She laughed anxiously yet again, and he recollected himself, setting his jaw.

“It’s not a joke. We’re leaving New York.”

The knives Frances shot in his direction were sharp as razors, and they simply cut into the wounds she’d already unknowingly given him.

“I did something stupid,” he finally admitted, his ego growling and writhing in protest.

“I fucked up. I fucked up real bad, Frankie.”

Her glare only hardened as he continued, and his grip on the wheel stiffened.

“I thought I could do something and I could handle it and I couldn’t. So now we have to leave. You can’t talk to anyone we knew back there. Not even your family, or friends or anyone.”

She didn’t say anything in response. Not a word, a grunt or groan or sigh, hardly a breath.

Frances didn’t even blink as she turned to face the windshield, staring down the backroad he was driving on. When she finally took a breath, the calm noise erupted into a splintering sob, and Frances brought her hands to her eyes as she began a breakdown.

It was only 3 am and Gene had already ruined a life that wasn’t his to ruin.

She had none of the things that he’d expected.

She had no anger, no pain.

She did not scream at him, she did not bellow at him to turn around, or to let her out.

Frances simply just pulled her legs to her chest, and ran her fingers through her hair, bangs falling in her eyes.

“...What did you do, Gene?”

“It doesn’t matter.” He bit back, and she sighed, resigned and tired.

“If it was bad enough to run, bad enough to put me in your damn car without the courtesy of waking me until we were on the road, it does matter.”

Gene dug his nails into the leather of his wheel, thinking back over what he’d done. It wasn’t really just one thing, rather a myriad. Bad decisions, thoughts he could make business and borrow money and get big without help, and instead he found himself at the feet of someone much larger than he’d expected.

Gene had found himself with teeth cut out of his mouth, mere warnings for “speaking like he was God”. Speaking in ultimatums, it was a terrible habit of his.

Nothing was concrete, nothing he said had to go that way. He loved his self-confidence, but right now, it had screwed him over like everyone always said it would.

God had pulled the rug out from under his feet this time, and Gene had fallen hard, and had taken Frances to the ground with him.

“...I decided I could go solo. No manager, no middle man, just me and producers and everything else. I’d make the most money, have the most power, what I said would go.”

Gene’s shoulders slumped ever so slightly as he spoke once more.

“But we didn’t have the money for it. I didn’t have the money for it.” He shamefully admitted. With how hard Gene worked his ass off to follow what he loved, and the way Frances worked too, that was the last thing he wanted to admit. They were broke after bills. There was no money left to chase after fame. There was hardly enough money to buy a gallon of milk.

Frances slapped a hand to her face, and Gene’s nostrils flared in annoyance. This was the reaction he had expected. This toxic anger he managed to rise out of her, the effect he had on her. Frances would never harm a fly, but Gene managed to make her spit fire when she grew angry. The two of them reacted like matches and striking paper; their personalities rubbing friction and causing flames.

Frances’s eyes became burnt embers, smoldering in anger.

“Jesus bleedin’ Christ, Gene!”

“So I borrowed some from some loaners-“

Her thin legs kicked his dash, and she held her head in her hands as she hunched over.

“You’re a damn idiot!”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me! You could’ve asked my parents if we needed money!”

Gene’s fists clenched and his foot began to press harder on the gas. He leered at her, and she looked flabbergasted.

“Not everyone feels comfortable running to someone else to money whenever they need it.”

“Gene, that’s better than-“

Frances turned to face him, her seatbelt straining against the movement. Her face was still as a statue, her voice little and incredulous.

“...Did you just not want to ask them?”

He scoffed, his shoulders tensing.

“Don’t be stupid.”

A knowing, soured smile stretched across her face. The spite in her eyes gleamed in the streetlights, dimming and brightening as he drove away and towards the lamp poles

“That’s exactly why, isn’t it? The high and mighty Mr. Simmons didn’t want to admit he had no cash to my parents.”

If Gene could’ve spat blood, he would’ve sent a spray across the windshield.

“Frances, that’s not-

Are you serious right now?”

She curled back into resignation, legs pressed back against her chest.

“Now I can't even tell them that. I can’t even go home now.”

Gene narrowed his eyes, then turned back to the windshield. Laser point focus beamed into what few cars drove past them, most semis that were hauling things from one place to another, pulling all-nighters because it was how they got paid. He ignored her because she was right, and he had nothing to say to make it better. He couldn’t spin this situation his way.

Or maybe he could.

Gene pulled to a stop on the road, throwing the car into park before unbuckling his seatbelt and leaning over the center console. Frances looked at him, and responded by turning her head towards the window. Her straw shaded hair was turned golden in the yellowed beams of the car’s lighting system, and her pale face was wet with tears, rehydrating the ones that had dried. He reached across, and grabbed her shoulder, pulling her towards him. Frances’s head lolled lazily towards him, and he captured her jaw with a hand, pulling her in for a kiss.

“We can do this. We don’t need your parents or your brother, or anything. Hell, we don’t even need New York or anything we left there. All we need is each other.”

“You’re forgetting something, Gene.”

He scrunched his face, actual concern flashing across his features.

He ran what he had grabbed through his head, and what his brain had decided was that he'd left nothing of importance. His frizzy curls bounced as he tilted his head in mild confusion, and she sighed, a weary smile on her lips.

“The one thing that would probably sleep in the bed with you if I let it.”

She raised an eyebrow while he mockingly pondered a thought.

“My axe. We need that, everything else can go. You, me and the axe, babe, all we need.”

He wiped her eyes with a rough thumb, and she leaned into his touch, smiling despite the pain in her eyes. He felt like they were teenagers again, and she coughed out a tear-stained laugh.

“Damn your axe, and damn you.”

He leaned back over to kiss her, and the two shut their eyes, simply taking in the other’s presence. Frances leaned into his touch, and reached for his free hand. She whispered gently, her eyes still closed. Frances rested her forehead against his, and a modicum of relaxation spread across Gene’s shoulders. Maybe they really could do this.

“I love you, you asshole.”

“I know.”

Gene took her hand, and much to her surprise, felt it yanked forward, violently, with more force than a man.

The sickening crack and snap and bend of steel hit her ears, and splinters of glass buffeted her skin, embedding in the soft flesh of her exposed arms, past the thin fabric protecting her legs. The side of Frances’s head slammed into the dash with a hearty “thwack”, the airbags deploying almost a second too soon, and she gasped. Warmth dragged languidly down her temple, and she felt a shooting pain in her arm, fading into the feeling of pins and needles.

Terrified of what she knew she’d see, or rather what she didn’t know she’d see, Frances squeezed her eyes further shut.

She patted an arm around to the seat next to her, trying to feel for something, anything. A leg, an arm, a head, something.

Nothing. All she felt was the dip in the seat from where Gene sat.

Scared eyes opened to the light of a semi casting her shadow onto the windshield, and bringing notice to the fact that there was a body laying limp across the hood of the car.

Gene.

It was Gene.

Frances scrambled to open the door, shouting, screaming obscenities and pleads, her eyes welling up with tears once more.

The passenger door creaked and groaned with her adrenaline fueled efforts, the back having been crushed by the ramming it had just received, eventually budging open enough for her to squeeze out.

Frances presses her back tight against the frame of the car, managing to narrowly get out, her pajama pants ripping on a piece of metal twisted sharp, burying its point in the flesh of her calf as she pulled past it. Frances gasped in pain, finding herself outside the car, walking barefoot on broken glass.

She hardly felt the glass in her feet, running to the front of the car and trying to look at Gene.

His chest did not move, and his mouth did not speak when she called his name once again.

Gently, with the touch a mother holds her newborn, Frances turned his head, biting her lip out of fear of the unknown.

She screamed in response to the horrific sight- Gene’s jaw had busted into two, his left eye cleaved neatly by a large piece of glass. His throat was decorated with sharp pieces of glass deciding to make his trachea their new home, and his one saved eye was filled with blood and staring lifelessly at the sky. His blood was across her hands, steaming in the nighttime cold, the air sapping what warmth his now empty body had in it.

Frances shuddered, sobbing and shaking, pressing her hands against her chest, desperate to take what little of him he’d left before he’d been so cruelly yanked from this world. She covered her mouth with a soaked palm, leaving its red-stained impression before she went to the side of the road, crying.

Frances fell to her knees and wretched, emptying herself of what was left of the dinner the two of them shared, and ridding her body of one more thing he’d had something to do with.

The sour taste of bile invaded her senses as she rose to her feet, and saw a shadow begin to loom over her. She had realized the driver of the semi was just now getting out, and when she turned to confront them, she was shoved to the ground again, her face shoved into what was previously her stomach contents. She didn’t see her assailant, her boyfriend’s murderer. But Frances has heard his voice, thick with what was either raw enjoyment or regret.

“Sorry you got involved. But you know what happened, and you can’t go.”

Frances stiffened with fear as something cold and hard pressed to the back of her head.

As she realized this was her death, she relaxed. Frances simply let her body go limp.

“Get on with it, you rotten bastard.”

She heard the safety click, and she closed her eyes.

What she hadn’t managed to hear was the rumble of another semi passing by, one that was a Good Samaritan and had called authorities to report the screaming barefoot woman on the backroad.

She heard the sirens, and she felt the metal leave her skull, footsteps crunching as they raced across the grass beside the road, the rustle of trees as the murderer disappeared into the night.

Frances sat up, wiping her face of vomit and grass with her sleeve, and stared into the face of a police officer, an older black man with silvering temples and a strong set to his jaw. Wrinkles in his forehead grew stronger as he peered further down at her.

“What the hell happened to you, child?” He asked, and Frances simply blinked.

“I left everything. And then I lost everything.”

Tag list!

@mephxles

@kissyourrosegoodbyemotley

@kissmyspaceace

@ashlethenggm

@spacefoxy-jen

@spacefoxy-irl

#kiss fanfiction #kiss the band #gene simmons #frehley’s baby

[mssjynx]

red light

my third contribution to the discord bingo event

blind! ohm, ohmtoonz drabble prompt: “deaf/blind” idea: messy meet-cute on the dangerously busy city streets where luke literally saves ryan’s life 1834 words

Retinal detachment. A condition with the eye caused by a head injury; a hard enough collision in which the individual then bleeds into their retina. It causes the retina to come loose which can be medically fixed if the individual is delivered to surgery with enough time. If not; it results in complete blindness in the affected eye.

For Ryan, all he needed was an unlucky night and the company of the wrong kind of people.

The bar fight started without him noticing, and escalated in seconds as the taller of the three quarreling men threw one of the others into an occupied table and chairs. The two bar patrons abandoned their drinks to stumble away from the fight. The third man was quick to jump in, grasping an empty chair and easily launching it towards the initiator.

Perhaps Ryan was just too tired to notice all the details as he watched carelessly with a sip of his beer. Fights weren’t uncommon in the bar, ending with a few bruises and embedded shards of glass.

It was no conscious decision for the smallest of the three to dodge towards where Ryan was perched on his bar stool, and tunnel-vision rage possessed the man who had picked up the impromptu weapon by the legs. He didn’t notice the agility of his opponent. He didn’t notice Ryan sitting innocently behind him.

When the chair swung through the air, the man in Ryan’s way dropped to the floor, only allowing him to see what was to come far too late for it to be avoided. All he could do was turn, half a cry making it past his lips before the heavy wooden back of the chair slammed into his upper back and head. He was thrown to the floor, head exploding with pain and seeing nothing but a black. The chair fell atop him, forgotten by the attacker who turned back to his original enemy.

Rough hands had grabbed him a few moments after though the remainder of the night was lost to him. Questions he couldn’t form answers to. Flashing lights. Loud sirens, shouting.

In most cases, it could be fixed; surgically put back into place.

Ryan wasn’t most cases. He was left blind in both eyes. Permanently.

To live twenty eight years with all five senses, only to lose sight; the most valuable of all of them.

He had to learn how to live again, had to learn how to walk with confidence, to learn how to navigate his own home as if he’d never stepped foot in it before. His body was constantly littered with bruises and scratches and for months he lived alongside the company of his sister. She gave him hours and days and weeks of her time, to heal, to grow, to learn.

It took months of adjusting, walking with a blind stick and strengthening his other senses, until he could survive just fine in his routine alone. He memorised how many steps he took from his bedroom to the bathroom, the width of his doorways and the placement of the sharpest table corners in his home.

It was the city life that made things most difficult.

“Hello?”

It was hard to differentiate the sounds of the people around him from the sounds coming from his phone. “Ryan, it’s Sally. Will you be home today?” He turned, flicking his walking stick back and forth in front of him, picturing the bumps and dips in the pathway ahead of him. He expected every bump of a shoulder or a hip, not allowing himself to lose balance; he was used to the crowded streets.

“Yes, I’m walking home now.” He stumbled, murmuring an apology to the owner of the chest he’d walked into, turning and standing next to them as he listened to the cars go by. Thankfully, he could feel that the crowd waiting at the lights was thin and there was only really the one man (he could tell by the height and broadness of his chest) who was stood close enough for Ryan to feel he was there.

“Okay, I’ll be there in an hour,” Sally replied, adding a short: “Stay safe!” before hanging up the phone.

The tell-tale ring of the walking sign going green sounded, followed by the impatient beeps that marked the time pedestrians were allowed to cross. Ryan sighed, flicking his stick in front of him and stepping down from the curb. He took two steps forward. A car horn sounded, loud, long and angry.

Panic froze him where he had stepped into the road, too many sounds exploding around him as he tried to understand whether it was him in danger and where to move. A hand grabbed the back of his elbow, an arm looping around his front, and he was pulled sharply back three steps where he tripped over the curb and fell to his ass on the sidewalk.

He felt wind rush past as the horn blared from the vehicle, speeding through the space he had occupied half a moment ago.

“Dickhead.” A new voice and a sharp snap at who Ryan assumed was the driver who had ran the red light. “Are you hurt?” The hands on his arms pulled him back to his feet and Ryan felt someone else collide with his back and send him stumbling into his supposed saviour.

He felt vulnerable without his walking stick and instinctively scuffed his feet along the ground around him. “I- I’m fine. My… My white cane-” The stranger’s hand didn’t move from where it tightly gripped his upper arm.

“C’mon, let’s get across.” Ryan picked up the southern touch to his words, a strong accent on the lulling voice. He didn’t try refuse, allowing himself to be lead across the road. Once back on the footpath, he felt himself be pushed lightly against the wall of the corner building. “Blind?” Blunt. No beating around the bush. Ryan nodded shortly, blinking his eyes uselessly behind his dark glasses. “Got in some kind of accident or were you born with it,” he asked, pushing a pole into Ryan’s hand. Then another. Or more accurately, the two halves of his snapped cane.

His heart fell. Making his way home was going to be a million times harder without it.

“Some kind of accident,” he murmured, running his fingers over the broken ends to assess just how unixable it was.

“Where are you headed?” he asked. “You got any vision at all?”

Another shake of the head. “Completely blind. I’m trying to get home.” Ryan ran a hand through his hair before smiling dumbly. “I’m Ryan,” he announced, holding his hand in the air in front of him and letting his smile grow as it was taken and shaken.

“Luke.” The southerner spoke with something of a smile. “I’ll walk you the rest of the way home so you don’t step out in front of anymore cars,” he offered, giving a tug on Ryan’s arm. “What street?”

The blind man shook his head. There was no need to waste this guy’s time. “You don’t have to do that,” he pushed. “I’ll survive on my own.” He hoped his smile was along the lines of reassuring as another passerby shoved into his shoulder.

“Watch it, asshole,” Luke snapped, Ryan’s brows raising at the aggressive tone. It wasn’t often he was being defended against the careless pricks that roamed the city streets. Long fingers slipped between his, an action that felt far too intimate for a stranger. “I’m walkin’ you home. Where do you live?”

Hearing the determination in the accent, Ryan knew this guy wasn’t going to let him go on his own without a fight. He gave in with a sigh, adjusting his grip on the hand in his and nodding to his left. He spoke his address clearly, allowing himself to be tugged back into motion, walking down the path behind Luke.

He could tell the guy was tall, keeping Ryan close enough behind him so that no one would bump him while walking the other way. The walk was full of thought, but far quicker than it would have been without a guide.

When the people pressing around them became less and less, he was led off the path by Luke’s hand. “Thirty-eight?” the southerner double-checked, catching Ryan’s nod and pushing through the little gate. “This is you then.”

Ryan’s hand fell out of Luke’s, knowing the steps up to his house well enough. He nodded, digging his keys out from his jacket pocket. “Come in,” he said, finding the lock with his fingertips before getting the door open. “Let me get you a drink at least,” he offered, stepping into the air-conditioned hall of his home.

Kicking his shoes off, he walked onwards knowing Luke wasn’t far behind him. “I shouldn’t- I need to get to the airport before three,” he explained and Ryan found his watch with his fingertips, following the little hands to see the other man had half an hour to get to the station and catch a train.

“Can I do anything else to thank you?” he asked, turning to face him.

Luke hummed, the twist in the low sound letting Ryan know the other was wearing a small smile. “I wouldn’t mind seeing you again,” he commented, not shy of his words as he left Ryan to accept or decline his proposal.

The blind brunette ran a hand through his hair. “Well, I might not be any use going for a movie, but I can call Uber Eats and order Chinese pretty fine. I have some pretty sweet records to listen to as well so…”

He flinched as fingertips brushed against his elbow. The sensation had goosebumps rising up to his shoulder and he didn’t pull away as they slipped down to curl between his fingers. “I’m not one to turn down a free meal,” Luke said, his smile still audible. “I can be here Friday night at six?”

Ryan smiled, feeling his cheeks warm up knowing Luke would be watching his face. He itched to be able to blink and see him, see his face, what he looked like, the colour of his eyes. “I’d like that,” he murmured, lost in thoughts of wonder about the mystery man in front of him.

“Well then.” The rough fingers slipped out of Ryan’s and the blind man wanted to be in contact with the other in some way, a reminder he was still there. He focused on the sound of his breathing for a moment, hearing slow footsteps move back down the hall towards the still open front door. “I’ll see you on Friday at six, Ryan…?”

“Matt. Ryan Matt,” he responded, pulling his lips into a smile and lifting a hand to wave. “Thanks again, Luke.”

The front door clicked shut. It was plain impossible for Ryan to get the thought of the smooth southern accent out of his head for the rest of that day.

#ohmtoonz #fic #fanfic #drabble #bbs #banana bus squad #bbs fic #bbs fanfic #blind! au #blind! ohm #jynx writes

[kellyvision]

TOXIC

“You said I never wrote a song for you, so I hope this one is haunting you....″

                                     ***********

How did I get here?

I looked at the glass shards of the broken lamp on the floor. Holes punched in the wall, hair extensions and other miscellaneous things are thrown across the suite. White-hot anger surged through me all over again as I felt the pain in my foot; the glass shards that were embedded in my heel. How could I even trust him again? After everything we been through, why would he do this to me?

Everything in me wanted to stay but I knew I wouldn’t last if I continued to enable his behavior. I needed to get away from his ass. Why was it so hard for him to act right, even after all these years. I shouldn’t have to beg him to treat me better. He was my first and maybe that’s why I held on to him for so long. I let him take advantage of me because he knew how much I cared, he knew how much I loved him. How much I needed him. He knew I’d do anything for him. No one told me that I would lose myself along the way. I craved his acceptance, he was who I depended on for support, unconditional love, and security. He filled that void. The void of not having parents that love you.  

We were addicted to one another. Dependent on each other. We were both so emotionally unstable and intense, one small disagreement could be taken so far. I held him down for six years. Where did that fuckin get me? Getting slapped in the face? Shoved? Shaken? Choked? Lied to? I pushed him. I provoked him. I was just to blame. I was raised to hit back harder, worse. I didn’t give a fuck cos I saw red too. I blackout when I get so angry. I go to a place where I can no longer control. 

The crash, the aftermath of our high was explosive. We abused each other, that’s what this was, plain and simple. It’s hard to admit because if we abuse each other if we're so toxic then maybe we weren’t good for each other. I knew I would never leave. I wouldn’t know what to do without him. Yet we manipulated each other. The pain we cause was both physical and emotional. 

The things he has done have said. They can’t be erased. He does not belong to me, he never did. I was his though, he possessed me. I thought I had him but how could he love me when he couldn’t even love himself. I won’t justify the things I did either, but that’s how we loved each other. That’s all we ever knew, that’s how the streets raised us, to be independent, to fight, it’s been imprinted in us. 

Fighting is in our blood, that’s what we do. There was a statute of limitations, we fucked each other up but we were both in control. We were bred the same way. Anger courses our veins, we suffer from depression and PTSD from our upbringing, it has affected us in ways that are probably irreversible. We were never shown love, so we take it out on each other. I don’t think I had any more fight left in me. I barely recognized myself. 

He groomed me since the young age of 15, he was all I knew, the only family I had left, if I walked away, I would have nothing. All of my identity was in him. He created the person I was, the beliefs I had, the experiences I went through. He is my foundation. He makes up most of me. He changed me, everything I initially wanted, gone. Here I am; left alone, defeated, in a corner of a broken hotel room. Yet I waited for him to come back, still in my tattered dress. The blood stained my feet from the glass that was rooted in my soles, deep bruises decorated around my arm, and hand indentations on my face and neck. 

If only you saw his body and the bitch I saw him with. I heard the door open, I didn’t need to look up to know who it was. His shoes crunched on the broken glass around the room. He crouched down on his knee to get down to my eye level.

“I’m sorry” his cockiness reeked as he attempted to apologize. 

He knew I couldn’t survive without him. I thrusted my chin high in the air refusing to bow down and show any sign of weakness but still, tears escaped and trickled down my tear-stained face. I wasn’t sad. I was angry, anger filled my body, remembering why this fight happened in the first place. I didn’t want to see him yet. I was mad, so mad that I wanted to bite my tongue off, I had to keep myself from slapping him, I had to bottle it so I cried instead.

He raised his hand but I flinched back. I wasn’t scared. I just didn’t want him to touch me, he didn’t get to hurt me and then heal me, he doesn’t get the right to apologize or empathize when he destroyed me.

His face molded into anger and sorrow as he took in his destruction that he caused on my body. He saw how much his baggage fell onto my shoulders, how I had to keep him from destroying himself, so he destroys me.

“I got you, baby” He wiped my tears. 

He cradled me in his arms and picked me up. My pride wanted to walk but any pressure would probably open an artery. I cried into his neck.

“I don’t want anyone to see me like this” is all I said to him as we walked out of the storm that was our room.

We got to his new room and he placed me on the bed and got a cup, some vodka, and a towel. 

“Bite into this” He tossed the towel to me, I didn’t move. 

He then poured the vodka on my feet, I stared dead in his face, unnerved. I needed to feel that throbbing pain to stop my morbid thoughts.

He then tweezed the glass shards that were lodged into my foot and put them in the cup. He poured more alcohol on my wounds to clean them up.

He led me to the shower, undressed me and himself, and let the hot water cascade on the both of us. He hugged me to his body, I stood there rigid against him. 

“Please forgive me” He whispered in my neck.

“I always forgive you” I looked into his eyes, “but nothing changes”

“You hurt me more when you make promises you can’t keep” I roll my eyes.

“How would you feel if I fucked someone else, you wouldn’t even touch me again” 

“If you even look at another guy I’d shoot him” he whispered in my ear.

I pushed him away from me and he let out a sadistic laugh. He loved when he hurt me, I loved when he hurt me. We were so fucked up. His hands slithered up my body, his hands stopped when he brushed against my neck bruises, his hand clasped around my neck, his thumb soothed me, rubbing my jugular vein.

“I’m serious” His eyes burned with fire. 

He let go of my neck, and still rubbed his dick against my body, I grabbed it with my hand.

“You better scrub the bitch off your dick. Touch me again and I’m finna get me scissors and cut your dick off” I bite back. “so who you gonna fuck? snip snip with what dick?” I tugged his dick harder and saw his face contort.

I took a washcloth and lathered myself up with soap, scrubbing myself hard. Hoping to erase last night's memory, the bruises, and the scratches. I made sure my body was raw, red, and burning. Just like my insides. The blood from the cut on my feet drained into the shower. I watched Kells scrub his dick and after he rinsed, I kneeled down to smell it to see if I could smell anything. It smelled clean enough, at least he was wearing a fuckin’ condom.

“You crazy” He shook his head.

He gave me the face that I was so used to receiving anytime I confronted him with his lies. It’s when he lied, cheated or didn’t want to be caught in the former. It was the face I wanted to punch, it was the face that would rather make me believe I was trippin’ so he could continue whatever triflin’ thing he wanted.

“What’s crazy is the fact that you think I want to touch you when you fuck dirty bitches. I’m not gonna put myself at risk and I am most definitely not gonna share a man with a crackhead. If I am so crazy how about you fuck that bitch who keeps rocking her jaw back and forth, the bitch who needs to stick a needle up her arm just to fuck you”

“The fuckin caliber of women you choose to fuck behind my back is incredible, Colson, real fuckin’ incredible”

“Not only do I have to deal with a baby mama, but I gotta deal with any pussy that throws itself at you.”

“The truth is you have no consideration, you don’t care cos you think I won’t leave you, but there is gonna be a day I fuckin kill myself from this toxic ass relationship” 

“It’s funny how you act like you didn’t do anything wrong. I let you fuck any bitch you want. The deal was that you tell me beforehand, my whole thing is you have no reason to lie to me, yet you do anyway. I don’t care that you are a sex addict and will stick yo’ dirty dick into any hole just to get off. All you had to was tell me.” I point at my chest, he bows his head down but I hold his eye line. I continue with my rant.

“Instead, I find you with some whore and here I am trying to surprise you on tour cos you say you lonely and you miss me, meanwhile you just faking the motions with me” I motion with my hands. 

“What? You keep me in Cleveland looking after Casie and her mom, to hide all the triflin’ shit you do behind my back. Really?” I look at him with disgust.

“Colson, this a new low. Even for you. I don’t know what new found fame you feeling right now or you think you don’t have to treat me like I’m not the only person who deals with every personality, mood swing, and attitude that you have. I have stayed for things that no female would have. Like you havin’ a baby while you were with me, not only do I love your child and take care of your child but I’ve loved her when you couldn’t” I poked his chest hard. 

It didn’t matter what I said, I would say anything to hurt him back, to justify why I was still there, to prove to him that I was worthy. 

Or was I just trying to prove it to myself.

“I have sacrificed so much of myself for you and your career, I believed in you when no one else would. When your mom came back and you couldn't get out of bed for two weeks, who took care of you? 

“When you constantly had relationships behind my back and they broke your heart.... who built you up again?” 

“Who got you through your addictions, where you had withdraws so bad you didn’t even know your name?”

“Who fed you when your dad used all your money for alcohol?”

“Who gave you a place to live when he kicked you out?”

“Who invested in your dream, who fuckin paid for the equipment, the computers, for the rent? Who Colson?” 

“Who fucking did that?” I scream so the past versions of myself can hear me, so I can warn them and tell them to run before its too late.

I stare at him waiting for an answer. 

“I never asked you to do any of those things for me though,” he says so comfortably.

He’s right. 

“Are you serious right now, that’s what the fuck you have to say. But when I leave its all types of tears and boohoo this and boohoo that, no one wants to lose their girl act, right Colson. You’re a fuckin asshole, I can’t believe you would even say something like that. So what... I am that disposable to you”

“I didn’t mean it like that, baby” he sang in forgiveness.

“That’s the problem, you just say shit to hurt me, but at the end of the day you can’t take back the love that goes unnoticed, you can’t take back what you said”

I punch the shower knob off and open the door of the shower. I grab a towel from the shelf and look at my body in the mirror, the hot water didn’t do anything to my bruises but make them more prominent. My eye was bruised and my cheekbone was cut. I had a knot on my forehead from head bumping the bitch he was with.

I dropped the towel on the floor and crawled into the bed underneath the covers, and I shut my eyes, feeling the tears pool around my eyelashes, I tried to hold it in but they remained in the back of my throat. The weight of the break down sat on my chest, suffocating me. I wanted to scream, all the anger built up inside of me crashed; I feel emptiness. I was sinking down this rabbit hole and I didn’t know which way was up. 

My body shook as cried harder, I didn’t want him to hear me cry, I didn’t want his sympathy, he didn’t deserve my forgiveness and he certainly didn’t deserve my tears. He would just hold it over me, he sees me crying and he thinks I care, that he still has this hold over me, I didn’t want him to know how much he affects me. It gives him too much power and control. I didn’t want him to know that he got to me, that he could break me. It’s not fair. 

I wanted to sleep hoping it would heal the cuts and bruises faster. My thoughts were flashing memories of my relationship like I was dying, all I could see was him, the devil.

                                    ***********

“We gonna get fucked up tonight, think of it as an early birthday present” Destiny stuck out her tongue while she laughed out loud, she handed me this flier that hyped up some club opening. I couldn’t help but laugh at her antics.

“Bitch, I’m turning 16 in two weeks, how the fuck am I getting in?” I shook my head and rolled my eyes, she was so delusional.

“Hello, I got the hook up” she pursed her glossed plumped lips.

I raised an eyebrow, she was always scheming and plotting tryna act grown. 

“Really, Destiny, you know I’m broke as fuck, I can’t afford to even go anywhere” I sighed. 

“You should ask that fine ass brother of yours for some money, he be trappin’ and shit, he’ll take care of you. And me” She raised her eyebrows.

“You so nasty” I made a disgusted face at her. She scoffed and made a face that said: ‘so, what you gonna do about it?’. The only response I could give her was a hum in the tone of ‘yeah right?’

“You know how my brother is a “rapper”. She fingered quotations as she said rapper. I snorted. 

“Well, he is throwin’ this big ass party, he said it’s 18+, so I can get in no problem, so I asked if you could come and he said we would be on a guest list... a guest. list. bitch. I don’t know how the fuck he got it like that but girl, I guess he makin’ it now” she widens her eyes as she begs me to go with her. I contemplate for a little, should I even try to get in?

“Okay but what if I don’t get in, I don’t feel like being stopped at the door and treated like a goddamn child. What if your brother just hyping the situation up, wasn’t he fucking that one crack headed ass bitch” I laugh and she busted out cackling.

“Sasha your ass has got to chill, live a little bitch, suck a dick, lick a nut, smoke a blunt, I said I gotchu right, I’ll never leave yo young ass anywhere, and if you wanna make sure... I’ll call Brandon”

“That’s Slim’s real name, why he act like he so bout it, he such a front sometimes” I laughed.

“You know hood dudes and their government names, they be mad embarrassed, he hates when I be calling him Brandon. He be big mad” She dialed his number, she put the ringer on speaker.

“Whatchu want Dee?” Brandon answered.

“My homegirl ain’t trusting my word, you can get her young ass in the club tonight, right Brandon” I shove her softly as she cackles at me.

“Yeah, we can pre-band her, just bring her to the house, I gotchu”

“Aight, I’ll slide around 7:30”

“We havin’ a pregame too if you wanna slide to that, couple of my friends will be there, please don’t do anything stupid, I ain’t tryna be a baby sitter”

“Kk big bro, love you Bran-Bran” Destiny sang into the phone.

“What did I tell you about callin’ me that Dee, love you too” he hung up as quickly as he answered. We snorted laughing.

“So you coming bitch” she fluttered her fake eyelashes at me, I bit my lip still deciding if I should go.

“Aight, aight, I’ll come” I knew there was no way getting out of this.

                                    ***********

“Stop pulling your dress down, you look hot as fuck, c’mon we are confident independent women” Destiny swatted my hands away from the dress. It was hella cute but started riding up my ass as I walked. The dress cut around mid-thigh, the thin straps decorated my shoulders, it was completely revealing towards the left side of my body, the thin material was only hanging together by the lace. 

I was mad nervous. I felt the back of my head start to sweat. I was hoping that the AC was pumping so I wouldn’t melt inside.

We walked up the curb, onto the sidewalk that led to a bando. This was nothing new for me, I’ve been to worse. I mean shit, we on the east side of Cleveland, what would you expect.

It was pretty stupid for both of us to be walking out like this, alone, at night, in barely no clothes but we didn’t care. I’ve seen enough for a lifetime. I felt like I was way past 21 already. Nothing else could phase me, if some fucked up shit popped off, I’d deal with it and keep pushing, cos what else is there to do. Cry? I can’t, nobody in Cleveland has time for that. 

Keep going and don’t look back.

Destiny knocked on the door, and she rocked back and forth waiting for someone to open it. I can tell Destiny was ready to be on her worst behavior. She stuck out her tongue, she was basically channeling her super freak.

I could hear the music vibrate through the walls.

The door swung open, Slim greeted us, “What’s up lil sis? Hey Sasha”

Destiny hugged and kissed her brother on the cheek, as did I.

He shut the door behind us and led us through the house. About 15 people were spread through the place: drinking and laughing.

Slim led us to the kitchen, where a white guy was rolling up blunts.

The table had bags of weed, papers, and backwoods while a stack of over 21 bands sat in the corner.

People called for Slim.

“Kells band Desi and Sasha” Slim left us.

Kells nodded silently. He smiled at Destiny as she hugged him and rubbed his buzz cut. “This is new” is all she said. 

“Destiny stop messin’ around” he jerked his head and took a wave brush out to fix the pattern his hair was placed. 

Destiny rolled her eyes. “You know that brush don’t be do anything for your hair, you just makin’ your scalp red, Colson” 

Destiny shared a look with me and we busted out laughing. 

“Y’all can shut the fuck up, and what did I say about calling me by my government name” He put the blunt behind his ear as he banded Destiny. As soon as Destiny was good, she made herself a drink.

Kells slash Colson motioned for my wrist and I held it out to him. “You need to come closer” his deep voice bellowed, it was soft but firm. It commanded as easily as I obeyed.

He wrapped the band around my wrist. “Nothing to be scared of” he gave me a smirk as his fingertips lingered on my hand.

“Sasha, take some shots with me” Destiny interrupted us. Kells shifted and as soon as he addressed me it took him a second to forget me.

I took about 4 shots of tequila with Destiny, I was feeling a little warm in my cheeks. Then I took a couple more, I lost count.

I felt a little looser than I was. I looked back at Kells as he sat by himself smoking his blunts and drinking Hennessy out the bottle.

“I’m finna dance, come with me,” Destiny asked, I shook my head. Destiny shrugged her shoulders. “I’ll be back, K look after her” Destiny walked away.

I looked back at Kells as he motioned for me to sit at the table with him. I pulled out a chair and sat in front of him.

“You smoke?” Kells asked. I shook my head.

“I never had before” I further explained.

He handed me his blunt and that rested between his pointer and middle finger.

“I’ll help you”. He held the blunt to my lips and I sucked into the filter, the end lit up, my lungs filled with smoke. I pulled back. “Hold it in for a bit” He looked at me, and told me to release with my nose.

I took a few more hits and I was good. He handed me his Hennessy, it started to taste like water.

It was so early in the night and I was already crossed faded.

“I’m Sasha” I sat back in the chair.

“I know” he smirked. I tilted my head in confusion.

“I used to work for your brother when I was 15”. I rolled my eyes. Didn’t everybody.

“You know he told me and Slim to keep an eye on you” he quipped.

“So what you my probation officer, you gonna report back to him what I do” I crossed my arms.

“Only if you act up” He winked.

“So what’s this party for anyways” I bit the inside of my cheek.

“I am performing tonight” 

“Well, aren’t you nervous” I motion to his calm demeanor

“Nah I am” he explained.

“You must be happy to be back” I smiled.

“Half of me is, the other half wants to work until I get to the top, I’m not there yet” he stews in his own anger and disappointment.

“You doing better than half of the kids in Cleveland” I attempt to comfort him.

“But here we are, back in the same place” he sighed negatively.

“Aren’t you supposed to be celebrating?” I looked at his face as he clenched his jaw.

“Yeah, I got like seven different personalities” he smirked at me as he licked his lips.

“Why you say that for?” I leaned into his trance.

“You wouldn’t understand,” He wrote me off.

“Show me” I begged him. I didn’t know what I wanted but I just wanted him close to me.

He pulled me into his lap and his hand collared my neck, he gripped tighter as he inhaled my scent. I felt alive, fire coursed through my veins and I could feel the heat emanate from the burning inferno he turned on inside of me. My dress rose to my stomach and I straddled his lap, the thin barrier of my thong pressed against his jean-cladded crotch. Anyone could walk in on us, I think that’s what excited me the most, that he did this so out in the open. I didn’t care who would see us, as long as he kept doing whatever he was doing to me. Maybe it was the alcohol drying my insides but I felt drawn to him, I needed him. He saw me for who I was, he looked at me like he knew me all my life.

He dragged his lips from my jawline to my mouth, and pressed a rough kiss into my lips, sucking in my tongue, his other hand wrapped around my waist, cinching me together as he thrusted his crotch into my pussy, grinding together. I moaned into him, he controlled me, he made me feel. His lips pulled away from mine, my eyes still close, he captured my earlobe with his teeth, 

“You’re mine” he demanded. 

His two fingers peeled my panties to the side and began massaging my clit, my knees buckled and space between us decreased as my clarity became thick with haziness. His ministrations were slow but just the right pressure, my slickness coated his fingers and my thighs. His fingers were sliding with ease. He stroked my clit, he then inserted his index finger. I bit my lip at the intrusion, my tightness stretched around him. His lips suck on the flesh part of my neck as he thrusted his finger inside of me while he rubbed my clit. My chest heaved as something in the pit of my stomach tightened. His lips trailed down from my neck to my breast. With his free hands he removed my breast from the top of the dress, he wasted no time sucking my nipple. I threw my head back in intense pleasure, I felt a wave white-hot electricity shoot through me as my stomach muscles released and my vagina clenched around his finger. I mewled into him as my hips uncontrollably buckled into his hand, almost if I continued to have ghost sensations. Everything was so hypersensitive, he pulled his finger from my entrance and massaged my swollen clit a few times, I couldn’t help but whimper as he touched me. He fixed my thong even though it was drenched in my wetness. He removed his hands from me and put it in his mouth licking everything last drip of my arousal.

I was shocked, mouth wide open. He let go, and I still sat in his lap in pieces of what I used to be. He confidently lit up another blunt and blew the smoke in my face. I slid out from his lap and pulled down my panties and handed him the soaked material, as I pulled down the dress trying to stand back on my two feet.

“I meant what I said, Sasha” His piercing blue eyes bored inside of me, igniting the flames that lit my nerves. I gave him a look of misunderstanding.

He nonchalantly looked at the blunt, huffed more smoke in.

“That you’re mine,” he said so matter of factly. All I could do was bite my lip. I looked at him with wide eyes as he took my thong and put it into his pocket.

“Don’t look at me like that or I’m going to fuck you against the wall” his voice shook my core, my face was hot from the furnace that burned in between my thighs.

I felt tremors of my clit, a throbbing sensation I never felt. For the first time in so long, I felt alive.

Slim came into the kitchen asking for the 21 and over bands. I refused to look him the eye, he knew my brother. Kells could see it in my face how nervous I was.

When Slim left, Kells hand snaked up my thigh and cupped my vagina. “Say it” he commanded. “Yours” I whispered, he then removed his hand, I felt so empty. I needed to be close to him.

Before I could jump back in his lap, Destiny came into the kitchen.

“Yo we finna head out” She nodded to the door. “Thanks for watching my friend, K, hope she was fun” she laughed, my face immediately drained of color. Did she see us? “She was just telling me how glad she came” his lidded eyes were filled with lust, dominance, and mirth. He couldn’t help but laugh at his own joke.

“I had to beg her to come” Destiny unknowingly said.

“I didn’t,” Kells said it only loud enough for me to hear, as he squeezed my butt on our way out the door.

Kells eventually left me alone with Destiny on our way to the car. I couldn’t concentrate on anything coming from Destiny’s mouth, I wanted Kells, my body wasn’t letting me forget, everything in me was searching for him.

Once we arrived at the club, we skipped through the line and walked into the packed club, it was midnight already, I felt the night just begun. I was drunk as fuck, I saw Kells and Slim getting hype on stage as they bounce with the crowd. 

It almost felt like Kells was a figment of my imagination cos I didn’t see him anywhere after his performance 

I went to go to the bar and a hand grabbed me into their direction, I looked up to see Kells. He guided me by my waist as he took me to an empty VIP booth. “But my drink,” I said in disappointment.

As soon as the drapes enclosed around us, his lips were on mine, suddenly I couldn’t care less. “Please” I drank him instead.

“What do you want Sasha” He smirked.

“I want you to fuck me” I slurred.

“You’re drunk right now, I can do other things to you baby” his hands massaged my ass.

“No, I want it now” I pouted. Kells rubbed my swollen bottom lip with his thumb. 

“I’m not finna take you like this, I gotchu okay, you gotta trust me” He calmed me down. I only nodded as I wrapped my arms around him and began kissing him. I straddled his groin, I grinded myself against him. My tongue slipped into his mouth, his tongue overpowered mines, and he bit my lip hard letting me know he won. He sucked my lips into his, slowly and sensually nibbling and licking my lips, turning me on even more. The more I grinded my hips the more sure I felt, I wanted him so badly.

He flipped me so that my butt was facing him. “Dance for me,” He told me. I did as I was told.

I grinded my ass into his groin, my hips rhythmically moving with the bass of the club. As my ass bounced in front of him, he slapped my cheeks and massaged my clit, giving me what I wanted. He glided my wetness to my asshole as he inserted his thumb into my ass.

The foreign feeling had me moan. “You like that baby” I nodded. “I got so many things planned for you, just you wait, you promise to be a good girl,” he asked me.

I nodded compliantly. He threw me against the long attached sofa where I rested on my back, he hovered on top of me slowly gliding down my body. Until he reached my pussy and spread my legs wide open, kissing my thighs. I was anticipating how this all would feel. His mouth was on my clit and he lapped up my soaked pussy and continued lapping and licking me up and down. His mouth sucked on my clit and a finger thrusted into my entrance, I clenched my thighs around his head, I felt a familiar feeling in my stomach start to build. He flipped me around so that I was on my stomach and began to lick my ass and clitoris, thrusting in out of my vagina with his tongue and alternating to his finger and sucking my clit combo. I felt myself flutter a couple of times before the tight ball in my stomach finally released, a wave of pleasure washed through me, making me moan so loudly but was masked by the loud music.

My body was in a fetal position, I felt wrecked. I couldn’t move, I was so relaxed and unfazed, I didn’t realize Kells was even talking to me.

“You taste as good as you look” he whispered in my ear. I lightly smiled, really felt like I couldn’t exert that much energy.

He picked me up but I felt like a noodle. All the alcohol at once hit me. I stood up and fixed my dress and hair.

“I’m so drunk,” I said to him.

“I know baby girl, let’s party” he held me to him as if he was my own personal stilt.

Once we exited the booth, we met our crew in the middle of the dance floor, Kells put me in front of him as I danced on his groin, and he met me with every thrust and hip roll I danced.

He was a good dancer for a white boy.

“Take me home” I whispered in his ear. He nodded.

He told Destiny that he was gonna take me to him and Slim’s place, and she nodded and said she would see me later.

Kells held my hand as we got out of the club. We got back to his place, he picked me up so that my legs locked around his waist, and carried me to his bedroom.

He threw me on the bed and laid on top of me, as he brushed my baby hairs.

I kissed his lips.

I know he felt me too.

He pulled off my dress leaving me naked in his bed, as he stripped down to nothing. He hugged me to his naked chest, I felt safe, I felt warm, I felt like I belonged.

I pushed his shoulder so that he would be on his back, I lifted one leg so that I could straddle him.

“Stop being a brat, I’m not gonna fuck you when you so faded like this”

“I know but we can play a game” I giggled as I took his hard dick and slid it through my soaked lips, sliding against his penis, rubbing it against my vagina. His head was thrown back contemplating if he should fuck me. I provoked him enough where I could see his expression harden.

He stopped my movements and threw me off of him.

“Go to sleep” He kissed my lips. I snuggled into his neck, as I wrapped my leg around his waist.  He kissed my eyelids as they got heavier and heavier, I eventually drifted off to sleep.

                                    ***********

I felt a direct beam of light irritating my eyelids. I woke up not knowing where the fuck I was, in an empty bed with no recollection of the night. Dizziness impacted any sane thought. Where’s my phone? What time is it? I get up to close the curtains to aide this migraine from getting worse, I realize I am butt naked. I look around the room to find my dress, did I wear a dress last night?

Where the fuck is Destiny? Whose crib, especially whose room is this?

I get closer to the bathroom to hear running water, shit the person is still here. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Fuck me. I bet he did that already.

I don’t know what to do. Be a big girl and just ask him for help. I pep-talked myself.

I took a deep breath and walked my naked self into the bathroom soon as this man climbed out of the shower, the steamed bathroom made him all that sexier as water dripped from his chest. My eyes followed his happy trail leading down to the v line, my view was interrupted by his towel that hung so low around his waist.

And suddenly it all came back to me. 

He cleared his throat, when I made eye contact, I could see the smug little smirk on his face. There I stood, butt naked and all, letting him scrutinize me.

“How are you feeling,” he asked. Was he really concerned? 

“like shit” I responded. “ uhh I can’t find my dress or my underwear” I had a flashback of handing him my underwear before we went to the club, and him fingering me and then him eating me out at the club. He knew I knew.

He just laughed and scratched his jaw. “I’ll get you some stuff. You can take a shower if you want, there are towels and toothbrushes under the sink”

“You are obviously prepared for times like this” I observed. He must have a lot of guests who sleepover. Why did that even make me jealous?

“You jealous baby girl” He sucked his teeth like I was being playful. I rolled my eyes.

“I just met you last night” I sassed.

“But you were quick to spread your legs for me not once but twice”

“I was drunk and horny” I was making excuse after excuse.

“And yet you still remember it”

“And yet we still didn’t fuck” I pointed out.

“Oh, that’s cos I am planning on doing that when you are fully aware and begging me to fuck you until you tap out cos baby beli’ed dis you finna want to feel everything” He licked his lips, thinking he had me wrapped around his little finger. Please. Honey two can play this game.

I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, I looked up into his eyes, “too bad you already took a shower” my hand snuck down his waist and pulled his towel and let that shit fall to the floor. “Oops” I felt his stomach shake as he laughed at me, so unbothered. It only frustrated me because he knew how nervous he made me.

I screamed in surprise as he lifted my legs so that they were wrapped around his waist. He was too good at this game.

“Baby I am always gonna be two steps ahead of you” he vowed. “Mmhm now you got nothing to say”

I looked at him with a smirk and kissed his lips, it was meant to be a small kiss but he bit my bottom lip and his hand snaked to my neck, wrapping his large hand around it, deepening the kiss. His other hand grabbed a handful of my ass.

Once I felt his dick harden against my pussy, I let out a foreign gasp, he began to slide against my lips causing delicious friction, while his tongue brushed against mine, I was so lost in his touches that I let out a moan I wasn’t planning on. Once I realized this I knew I lost whatever game we were playing but I didn’t care anymore.

He pulled away from me, to look at me with piercing eyes. I knew what he was thinking. He dropped me back on to my feet. I was no longer eye to eye to him, I felt so small as he hovered my body. My hands sat as his chest, basically clawing at him to pick me back up.

“If I went any further, I don’t think I could stop,” he said in low voice.

“Who said I wanted you to stop” I whispered.

He grabbed my chin “Stop playing with me and take your shower already”.

Once he pulled away from me, he grabbed the towel on the floor and headed back out of the bathroom shutting the door behind him without even looking back at me.

I didn’t know whether to scream or to go after him. I decided to take a shower instead.

Once I finished showering and brushing my teeth, I grabbed a towel and went back into the room to see some of Destiny’s clothes sitting out on the bed. Once I was dressed, I came out of Kells’ bedroom and followed the noise coming from the kitchen.

I saw Destiny laughing with Slim, a few other guys I recognized from last night at the pre-game. Of course, I saw Kells sitting with a smirk on his face but I didn’t pay him any mind cos he was on some childish ass game.

“You ready girl” Destiny asked. I nodded.

I smiled at the rest of the group.

I sat on the opposite side of the table away from this man who was doing the most right now.

“Took you long enough?” Kells asked real loud for everyone to hear.

I felt the heat rush to the front of my face. Why he always tryna call me out.

I smirked at him. Faking whatever little to no confidence I had. I got a smile from him.

“Ahh you sound jealous” I bit back his own words he used against me.

A whole chorus of oooooh's sang around us.

“She gotta slick mouf, Kells, she always got some shit to say” Destiny empathized with him. I just shrugged my shoulders unapologetically.

“That's not all her mouf do” Kells nodded.

I felt like I was on Maury. He really tryna expose me. I rolled my eyes at his double meaning. Before I could respond, Dre walked into the kitchen. 

“Aye y’all muthafuckas ready to go, I’ve been waiting, my fit Hollin’, somebody needa see me in this hoe”

Everyone piled into a fourth-generation ford Taurus, it was a hoopty. It’s not like anyone had money, we were lucky to have this ride, a car is a car here period. 

I had to sit on K’s lap, he kept rubbing inside my thigh. But I was ignoring the shit out of him.

“Why you so silent” He squeezed my thigh.

I looked at him and shrugged my shoulders.

He sucked his teeth at me. 

I started to laugh cos I already know the type of dude he is.

We pulled up with the music blasting and smellin’ loud as fuck, cos they were big chiefin’ in the car, as the hollow metal fogged with smoke.

Once we parked the car, Kells opened the door and motioned me to get out. I walked out and reached out for Destiny as she climbed over Kells to get out the car.

She grabbed my hand. “We need a bigger car, my ass way too fat to be climbing everywhere like that”

Destiny and I walk toward the back of the apartments away from the boys.

“Bitch what the fuck you do with Kells” she pushed me.

“Biiiiiitttttccccchhh I got tea” I laughed.

“What you do” she gasped.

“I ain’t do anything but he ate me out in the club. He fingered me like twice. I wanted to fuck but he was like nah you faded, I’ll wait. This morning he was teasing me and shit, now I am just chillin’ cos I dunno maybe he just wants to fuck and dip. I don’t even go for white boys”

“Bitch he staring at you tho”

“Don’t look, I don’t want him to think I’m talking about him”

“Mhmm Sasha... he a straight dawg bruh, all of them are” she bellowed in laughter.

I looked at her laughing.

“I am tryna forget about it” I rolled my eyes.

“Damn sis you were poppin’ pussy, what happened to I don’t want to go bla bla bla”

I push her “you know what bitch I was crossfaded, y’all hear something” I ignore her.

“Let's get something to eat” She rubbed her stomach and pulled me in the direction of the food.

We were talking to the locals, somebody puts their arm around me, I look up to see my brother.

Destiny instantly smiles, “Hey Tre” she looks like she is about to drool.

“What you doing here” I deadpanned.

“I wanted to see what my baby sis was up to, make sure you were good last night” he smiled, nosily.

I rolled my eyes. “I talked with Slim, he said you had fun” I tried not to crack and show him I was nervous.

“It was aight” I gave him nothing. He didn’t have to know the full story or else someone would get hurt.

Tre’s phone rang. 

“I just wanna make sure you safe, Destiny look out for my girl aight. Text me where you stayin’ tonight, love you Cha-cha, I’ll be with my brothers” Tre kissed my cheek and answered his phone. He walked away from us.

“He is so annoying sometimes” I visibly relaxed.

“Bitch you’re his family, he just being protective” Destiny reasoned.

“You just siding with him cos you want to fuck,” I said pointedly, Destiny shoved my arm playfully, but looked in Tre’s direction dreamily.

“Bitch just be lucky you ain’t got a crazy momma, aight” she turned back to me and pursed her lips.

“I got one, she just in jail” I laughed. She shook her head in laughter.

We got a plate of food. I was diggin’ into the mac n cheese. Kells, Slim, Irv, Dub, and Dre came to our table.

Slim handed Destiny some of his beer.

Kells sat next to me and disrupted my peace.

“What you eating girl,” He said just to me.

“You want some?” I lifted the fork of mac and cheese. He bit the food and took some.

“You tasted better” He whispered into my ear. I felt myself get red.

“I’m gonna get a plate, you want anything” he rubbed my back. 

“I want more mac and some jerk chicken” I said stiffly, I really didn’t want my brother to see us.

Kells came back with two plates of food.

We shared what was on our plate.

He was scooping the mac n cheese into his mouth. 

“Yo slow down, dawg” Slim laughed. 

“You always eat like yo food running away” Dre laughed with Irv.

Kells flipped his middle finger at his brothers.

“Leave me alone, you know we ain’t got no type of food at the crib, that’s why my ass skinny as fuck, I need a wifey who gon’ cook for me” He bumped my shoulder with his.

“You got me fucked up, get yo ass a maid then, I ain’t no wife, go play house somewhere else” I snapped.

Everyone was laughing at us.

“Nah, Imma put a baby in you” he licked his lips. 

I started to laugh as if it were the funniest joke, but he seemed somewhat serious.

“and I’m gonna hand it right back to you on a silver plate” I laughed.

He held his heart as he feigned pain.

The boys and Destiny left to go get some free drinks from a stand and go play ball on the court. Kells stayed behind.

“Why you trippin’ all of a sudden” Kells asked.

“What do you mean” I said avoiding the conversation.

“You just acting different, like a brat” He crossed his arms. I rolled my eyes.

“Cos you just tryna fuck, and honestly, I’m not looking to do that anytime soon. I was drunk and high, I mean I liked what you did but I’m not ready for that” I looked a way uncomfortably.

“I am serious about you girl, I want to get to know you”

“You’re 19, you graduated, I’m turning 16 in two weeks, I’m still in high-school. We are on two separate lanes of life, I’m stuck here and you’re starting a new life. I never even had a boyfriend. I barely know you, I don’t even know your name or what to call you....”

“Well, you can be my friend first. I usually go by Kells or K, but my government name is Colson, no one calls me by name but you can call me anything you want. Daddy is fine too.” He smiled at me.

“You just look like someone who’ll just play me, we’re 4 years apart” I rolled my eyes.

“More like 3 and a half, I won’t do you like that, you special. I don’t talk to any bitches, I really don’t”

“You got mad bitches Colson, you a straight-up dog, don’t lie to me” I stared at him.

“C’mon you just gotta give me a chance, I meant like I don’t really try like I did with you, you the baddest bitch here, c’mon, look at you, you don’t even have to try”

“I’m gonna hold you back Colson, you not gonna remember me when you make it, you’ll be fine” I rolled my eyes at him.

“I know you feel something, I feel it too. I ain’t gonna lie to you. I want you. I really do, I ain’t gonna say it again” he stood his ground.

I pursed my lips. Cos I didn’t want to hear it. I’ve seen it all, they all just want pussy and they’ll do anything to get it. 

“Lemme take you out on a date” he begged me.

“Where” I raised an eyebrow.

“I’ll take you to a nice ass restaurant, we can go to a movie, I’ll treat you like a queen” he talked with his hands as if he were trying to get me to see his imaginary plan.

I laughed at him.

“We can be friends and we’ll see how you behave and then maybe... I’ll go on that date with you” I compromised.

“If we friends that means you can’t kiss me then” he warned.

“That’s fine by me” I laughed, I raised my hands defensively. 

“You don’t gotta lie to me, I left you dick drunk last night. But I see how you movin’. We’ll do the friend thing... for now” he smirked at me deviously.

                                    ***********

The bell rang loudly throughout the school, I couldn’t wait to get out of this hell hole. I went to my locker and got my books, put some lip gloss on before I locked up and began my walk home.

Destiny stopped going to class cos of her “senior-itus” so I was left by myself. 

I was lost in thought when I heard the low hum of an engine and a honk that followed. “SASHA”

I turned my head to see Kells in his hoopty, I rolled my eyes.

“Sasha stop acting brand new, get yo ass in the car, I missed you, come’ on. I’m on break right now. Lemme take you home” he begged.

I giggled cos he looked so crazy. People were looking at us. I didn’t want to cause so much attention. I tried to ignore his advances but he was so annoying.

I’m not good enough for him, I could not give him what he wanted. I knew this already, but he seemed not to care.

“Sasha I’m tryna be yo friend, you promised” he cheesed. When I inched closer his whole face lit up and his blue eyes were electric.

I wanted to jump him. He was acting cute or whatever, maybe a little. 

He opened the passenger door from the inside as I lifted it away from the car, and slid in. I shut it and put my seatbelt on.

“Hi, Colson” I smirked at him.

“I want to kiss you so bad, you look good in your little school outfit,” he touched my thigh and lightly lifted my skirt.

I pushed his hands away. “Friends” I warned.

“With benefits” he smirked. I laughed at him.

“Aren’t you supposed to take me home, weirdo” I punched his arm.

He drove off from my school campus and drove me to my house in the projects. 

“How was school?” 

“Ghetto” I laughed.

“Yeah I fuckin hated going to Heights, it fuckin sucked”

“What did you do today, how was work so far?” “Same shit different day, you know I begged my manager to let me take this break so I could spend it with you”

“Why you such a liar for” I rolled my eyes.

“You special girl, I know you like me, I’m gonna be your friend, I’ll be your best friend if you want”

“Aight K, whatever you say” I shake my head at him. 

“Do you ever skip school” he looks at me.

“depends on the situation”

“Oh so you are miss goody two shoes”

“No, I just want to graduate, maybe go to college or something”

“Well maybe if you ain’t too busy studying, and if you hate school so much, I can take you out to eat during your lunch, or just pick you up when you want to get away” “That's nice of you” I looked into his eyes to see if he had an ulterior motive, he seemed sincere.

“I’m nice to my friends” he smiled at me.

“What time do you get off today,” I asked.

“I close... what you wanted to see me again” he smirks at me.

“Calm down” I tease. “Maybe,” I said lower.

“Just hit my line, I’m always down to spend some time with you” he raised his eyebrows. I smiled.

“Thank you for taking me home, no ones ever picked up from school before, it’s kinda cute that you care if I got home safe” I laughed at him.

He shrugged his shoulders. “I’ll be whatever you want me to be”.

“It’s cool, you know, that you want to be my friend first” I looked into his eyes to see if his sincerity was still there. “It means a lot to me” I looked down a little embarrassed. I didn’t have that many friends and K was new and I didn’t know how to function with all of his attention.

“I’m sorry I said no to you, I’m not used to this, you. I don’t think I’m in the place to date, so thanks for understanding” I ramble on.

“Don’t ever apologize to me, you have nothing to be sorry for. You ain’t never have to worry about being safe again. I’m your friend and I’m finna protect you, you ain’t gotta stress no more. I don’t know who hurt you but I’m here for you. We all go through shit, you don’t have to do it alone anymore” he holds my thigh, it's intimate but I don’t think I mind anymore. I feel my eyes cloud with tears, I don’t let them fall. Words shouldn’t affect me so deeply, I felt exposed, raw, and left out for the wolves to feast. Was K the wolf in this scenario? Before I could cry into his arms, I see that we are close to my complex. I’m more than happy to run out of the car.

“This is it. Thank you” I look at him as he puts the car in park and his veins pop out from his forearm, he was so strong, I was thirsting at him every chance I got. He looks at me and smiles like he knew what I was thinking. He licks his lips on cue, and his eyes flit down to my lips. 

He comes closer to me and brings me to his chest, and wraps his arms around me. I loosen up and hug him back, and wrap my arms around his back, and snuggle into him.

“Thank you” I whisper to him. I pull back and gather my stuff into my hands.

I shut the door, and come around to his window. 

“Imma wait until you inside. Call me when you get in, aight.”

I nod at him, “Bye”, and turn to walk away.

“Sasha, you just gonna leave me with no kiss” he laughs.

I turn my head, I hesitate to walk back to him, but decide to run towards his car, and give him a quick peck on the cheek. I see his skin redden a little.

“Bye Colson” I wave.

Once I get inside my apartment, my razor phone begins to ring. Kells caller id rings on the phone.

“Sasha you safe” he demanded.

“Yes, father” I sighed.

“Daddy” He corrects. I roll my eyes.

“I’m not calling you that”

“You will eventually” he laughed. I sucked my teeth.

“You smoking crack?”

“See you tomorrow” he throws into the phone casually and hangs up.

“Wait, what?” 

                                    ***********

“Did you want a piece of my polish boy” I offered Kells, seeing as he already finished two.

“You not hungry” his blue eyes opened wide.

“I’m almost full” I breathed out, trying to force myself to have another bite.

“Girl you better eat before you start losing some of that ass” he laughed at his own joke as he took a piece off my plate.

“Just how like you can eat the whole goddamn fridgerator and stay skin and bones, everything I eat goes to my butt and my thighs” I stuck out my tongue.

He threw a piece of sautéed onion in my direction as I screeched. “Damn you throw like a bitch” once the piece of onion went in the opposite of my direction.

“Call me bitch one more time” he warned.

I faced his direction, and looked him in the eyes with a smirk, he sat there so confident.

“Bitc-” before I could finish he grabbed my neck and pulled me closely to his lips.

“I know you ain’t forget who had you coming with just their fingers” he pressed his lips to mine. I forgot for a second where we were and all of my morals were thrown out the window because I allowed myself to kiss him back. Once I realized he was enjoying this too much, I pushed his arm back from me.

“You still a bitch cos I’m the one that has you running around whipped just to be my friend” I roll my eyes and, slid down the car trunk. K threw his head back and moaned in frustration. 

All I could do was laugh at him.

“Such a little brat” He hummed.

I threw out my trash and walked back to the car. K sat on the hood looking up in the sky.

“What are you thinking about,” I asked him.

“Do you ever think that there has to be more than life than this? I wanna be the biggest baddest thing in the world, Sash. I want this shit so fuckin bad” he sighed.

“You got yourself a manager from the burbs, that’s some serious shit. And you won the Apollo with an all-black crowd, and you’re white as hell” I giggled.

“I’m not white mane, don’t be saying that shit out loud” he laughed.

“You’ll get there Kells, I believe in you, but you gotta take me with you, out of this ghetto ass neighborhood. Maybe we can go to red lobster or something real fancy, and you’ll be so rich that you can just fuckin walk out not paying for shit and they wouldn’t say smack to you” I animated.

“That’ll be tight as hell, I hate paying for food, even if I’m rich I’m stealing from Walmart” he admitted with a snicker.

“Word, hittin’ lics up in that bitch, you’ll be the new Robin Hood” 

“I needa be Robbin Dabank” He smiled at me. I finally caught on.

“Man you funny today” I pushed him away. “C’mon I needa get back to school” I sighed. 

“Just when I thought I was finna take you back to my place” he got up from the hood of the car.

“You thought” I quipped.

“I get you food, pick you up in a car so you don’t walk, make you come-”

I interrupted him with my lips pecking his a few times.

“Okay I get it, next time I’ll see you I’ll make you come... to you senses boy now get in the fuckin car and take me to school” I rolled my eyes at him.

He sucked in his teeth.  

“You lucky you cute, cos girl I used to be a playa”

“And I’m the fuckin coach, so let's pay attention” I reminded him.

“Always gotta have the last fuckin word” he noted.

“If you listen to me, you’ll go places Kells” I patted his thigh and he squirmed in his seat as he started the car. I could play this game twice as hard, I could be the whole motherfuckin’ team. 

Once he dropped me off in the car loop, I heard the bell ring, signaling lunch was over. 

“Shit, I’m gonna be late” I reach in the back to get my books and bag. 

“Just tell them you were with your Daddy” he snickered. 

“You think you are so funny but hate to break it to you, you’re not” I rolled my eyes at him.

“Go to class with yo’ young ass” he sized the fuck out of me.

“Now I’m too young, remember that next time you try to kiss me” I quipped.

“Like this” K moved his lips closer to mine, maybe inch way from my lips. I faltered, not wanting to back down from our bickering match, but also completely terrified at how quickly this was moving. I thought we were friends, but here we were constantly crossing and crisscrossing these lines of friendship.

Kells leaped over it and pressed his lips on me, I let him. I wanted to feel his tongue brush up against mine. I liked this, more than like this, before you know I was sitting on top of his lap, grinding my hips onto his as he massaged my ass. I felt like those kids in the movies, making out in the car. The same drawn feeling I was buzzing off the day I met him came back with a sense of urgency. I could feel how wet I was.

I sat in a plaid skirt, my cotton panties drenched, I just wanted to take the pressure off that was building in between my legs.

“Kells, please help me” I moaned.

“Oh fuck yes baby, you sure” he whispered. I nodded.

The pads of his fingers pulled my panties to the side, and he found the ball of nerves, and rubbed my clitoris in a circle motion, gathering my around and spreading in between my swollen lips. I was making small noises that sounded like a tiny animal being tortured.

I gasped when I felt his finger thrust inside of me. I bit harder on K’s lip. K lifted me up and pushed me back a little so he could see his actions. When he added a second finger my hips buckled. 

“So tight” he whispered to himself. I closed my eyes as his ministrations went deeper and faster, making my pussy sound like a sponge.

My pussy was throbbing, I swear I could feel my heartbeat. I felt myself clench around his fingers as I moaned into his mouth. I lifted my self out of his lap and accidentally honked the horn in the car.

K starting laughing. I could feel his hard dick beneath my ass, as I hid in between his neck in laughter. 

“I think this was a bad idea. We can’t even act right for more than 2 seconds alone. From now on, we are friends, so stop trying to seduce me Colson” I reprimand him.

“How you get to cum and I don’t, and yet you are the one complaining” he shook his head and massaged my walls as I shudder at the tips of his fingers.

“K get your hands out of me, I’m too sensitive” I rolled my eyes

He pulled his fingers out of me, and the cream that came from my pussy coated his fore and middle finger. He played with the consistency and separated the two fingers, as my cum still connected them together.

He put both fingers in his mouth and swallowed my arousal. I watched him as I felt myself drool a little bit. 

“Sasha if you don’t get out of this car, I will fuck you, and you won’t have a say in it” he looked down at the mess I made in his lap.

He carefully kissed me, and dropped me back in my seat. 

I re-gathered my things, as I opened his car door K grabbed my hand.

“I forgot to give you this” he handed me something wrapped in a box. 

“You didn’t have to get me anything,” I said.

“I wanted to”

I opened up the gift, and it was a black sweatshirt that had an airbrushed Bratz doll that almost looked exactly like me, and on the back, it said my name and my birth year. 

“You made this... for me” 

“Do you like it” he bit his lip.

“I love it, how did you get the Bratz doll to look like me? This is amazing K, I love it”

I put on the oversized hoodie and it smells just like him.

I pull up the sleeve to see it has love Colson embroidered on to it. 

“This was really nice, I’m gonna sleep with this tonight” I smiled at him and hugged him.

“Don’t tell me stuff like that” He chuckled. I shoved him playfully like he didn’t just finger me.

“I want to stay with you today” I pouted.

“You are such a brat, go to class, graduating is important. I’ll see you later” he pecks my lips a few times before I get out the car. He smacks my butt as it jiggles. 

“You gotta stop wearing that skirt” he shakes his head.

“Happy Birthday, Sasha” he waved as I closed the door. He drove off and I still didn’t understand what just happened.

                                    ***********

My phone vibrated in my lap, I look up toward the chalkboard while the teacher gives her lesson. Attempting to be to incognito, I look at the text.

Kells: send me a lil sumn sumn so I can bust a nut real quick ;D

Me: No I’m in class rn.

Kells: c’mon gurl u can’t leave me blue 

Me: I’m ur friend rmber?

Kells: ur no fun

Kells: just playin witcha 

Kells: missin my homegurl

Me: U saw me last nite

Kells: not enuff

Kells: what r u wearin?

Me: nunyabizness

Kells: that lil plaid skirt ;)

Me: lol u stupid

Kells: I must be cos I finna still try for that date

Me: stop it K.

Kells: Imma send u sumn special

Me: boy if u send me ur pink dick im finna committ

Kells: Can’t wait to see u

Kells: Be ready, cos you skippin the rest of the day with me.

I couldn’t protest him, cos I knew I was already looking forward to seeing him. He was the best part of my day even if I hated to admit that.

The bell ring and I bit my lip contemplating, it was lunch, I could just leave for the rest of the day. No one would notice anyway.

Kells: I’m outside. Hurry up before security kicks me off campus

Me: Well maybe someone shouldn’t be handing their mixtapes to people

Kells: if you don’t A-S-K then you don’t G-E-T

Me: No wonder you won't give up on that date 

Kells: Talk all the shit now cos Imma get what I want

I slipped out of the cafeteria and into the courtyard. As I walked by a group of kids smoking and rolling dice.

I searched for K’s car until I landed on a lanky white kid standing on lunch table by the basketball court, I walked onto the scene, and as I predicted earlier this muthafucka was passing out his mixtape out to the kids crowding him.

“Yo play my songs muthafucka, I’m telling you, just listen, in your fuckin car, in ya momma’s house, at the barbershop, where you gotta do just bump my shit” he tried to pitch.

“Aight, I’ll be back with another tape” he dapped up some of his friends and finished giving out his mixtapes.

“You ready” his face lit up once he looked at me. I just nodded and laughed at him.

He grabbed my hand and started running to his car. Once we both got in he jumped me and kissed my lips and this time I let him. He pulled back.

“Sorry I had to do that” he rubbed my thigh.

“I’m gonna let you have your kisses but you're digging a deeper hole for yourself”

“I know exactly what hole I wanna be deep in right now” he muttered. I shoved his shoulder.

“We are friends” I corrected him. “I’ll make a deal with you right now, you get one kiss a day but you gotta stop flirting with me” I looked at him tryna see him contemplate his choices.

“You like me” He teased, I guess he made his choice, this man made his bed. I rolled my eyes. “I don’t know what I like more, kissing you or watchin’ you squirm every time I open my mouth,” he chuckled. I groaned I couldn’t make it stop.

“I’m just playing, c’mere for a second” he pulled me to his chest.

He kissed me again and this time it went on longer.

“That one didn’t count, I’m making up for the lost time,” he said and kissed me again. I was pulled into his trance. I couldn’t stop myself cos he made me feel so good, I could feel my pussy tingle. Who was I kidding, I was the one who dug the hole so deep I didn’t know which way was up, this rabbit hole kept changing and the more I let myself fall the further I felt from stopping whatever this was.

He was the one to pull back first and I could feel my eyes close and lips puckered still wanting more. I opened my eyes and I could see it in his face he knew I knew I was all in, that I liked him but I would never admit it to his face. Instead, he pecked my lips once more.

“You look so cute” he breathed, an admission more to himself than to me.

“Close your eyes, I have a surprise for you,” he said excitedly.

“I’m not falling for that K”

“Just fuckin do it, aight, stop being a little brat”

I closed my eyes. 

I heard him scrummage through his compartment on the passenger side, he closed it, and I felt him in my vicinity, hovering, I was laughing cos I knew he was fuckin with me. 

He pecked my lips once more. I groaned.

“Open your eyes” he laughed. In his hand was minute cards for my phone. I smiled and looked at him with a confused face.

“You say I run up all your minutes so here, I got you some cards that way you can call or text me, but only use it for me, cos I will shoot a muthafucka if they on your line, matter fact I will just break your phone, so that way you could only talk to me” He caressed the side of my face.

I laughed at him. This time I kissed him quickly on his cheek. “Thank you, Colson, this was really sweet of you.” I put the cards in my bag. I looked back at him to see the rosiness of his cheeks. My subconscious told me it was the cold air.

His hand slid into mine as he started his car.

Maybe he deserved that date, maybe I could allow myself to fall for him. I was afraid of becoming my mother as she was so blinded by love she neglected her own child, but I didn’t have the time to think about any of this because the closer I found myself getting to him, the better my life had become. I knew I wanted him and that was hard to admit, even to myself.

I was his friend and that was the most important to me.

                                   ***********

“Do you like this”? K nodded his head to beat of the song as he raised the volume because one of the speakers was broken.

I laughed, giddily, I liked seeing him in this space. He was so happy. I nodded with him. I sang along with his song, and he smiled at me. It was infectious. He paused the song and stared at me.

“What”? I looked to him.

He shook his head with a smile on his face and began messing with the levels. I looked around his room, his clothes scattered everywhere. I looked at his hand-writing that decorated the walls. The drawings, signatures, and quotes. It was as if they wanted to document the importance of their beginning.

I knew he was gonna make it, he worked so hard. He was white but he was just like any of us here, he wanted it to the day he died, he lived and breathed it. I wanted it just as bad for him.

“Yo Kells where ya at” Slim yelled from the door.

“Back here” K yelled back.

I heard Slim jog his way to the room.

He threw his jacket on to the bed.

“It’s cold as fuck outside, I swear the wind be calling me nigga” he shook his head like he was physically affected.

I busted out in laughter. 

“Why you laughin’ so hard” K looked at me hard.

“Why you tryna make me look stupid for” I snapped.

“You do that all by yourself” he shot back.

“Listen, watch yourself before you recks yourself” I sarcastically gave him a dry laugh.

“You always gotta have the last word huh”?

“Y’all married or something the way you going back and forth is tiring me the fuck out mane” Slim sighed.

“Shut the fuck up, I ain’t getting married to no hoe” he winked at me.

“Go get your friend Slim, cos he’s acting crazy” I sat on K’s bed real close to K as he sat by the computer.

“He’s your friend too” Slim shrugged his shoulders barely listening to our petty bickering as he scrolled through his flip phone.

I rolled my eyes.

“I know you had a white momma but I don’t be playing that shit, I’m not the one”

K turned to me.

“I ain’t give a fuck about what my momma said and I sure as hell ain’t finna listen to a bitch now, ya heard”

“Listen white boy don’t be acting hard around your friends cos I will embarrass you” without thinking I put my index finger on his head and lightly pushed his forehead.

He grabbed my hand and brought me close to him.

“Yo is this woman crazy” he looked at Slim cackling. “Are you fuckin crazy?” he asked me. “Don’t touch me if you ain’t tryna fight” his mean mug face turned into a smile.

I laughed in his face and pulled my arm back. I stood up.

“I can take you in the paint all day motherfucker, I was raised to be no bitch, I ain’t afraid to get hit” I stood tall with my hand on my hip trying hard not to smile.

I don’t know what happened next but all of a sudden K and me were play fighting around the room. K had me in a position where I was on all four and started slapping my ass cheeks hard, I could tell he was finna leave at handprint. 

“Y’all so fuckin ghetto I swear” I heard Slim ignore us with a stank ass face.

“K stop you’re hurting me” I pretended. 

“You gonna stop talking out your ass with your slick mouth?” he asked. 

I loosened his grip and straddled his waist and pinned his arms.

“I win dumb bitch” I make sure to enunciate how much of a bitch he is.

“How’d you know I ain’t let you win cos I just wanted you on top of me” he gleamed proudly.

“Your such a fuckin sore loser” I pushed his chest.

“Bitch I just had YOU pinned, the fuck you talkin’ bout,” he said exasperated.

I rolled my eyes.

K tossed us over, where he hovered me and pinned my hips and wrists down.

He lowered his lips to my ear. “What’s so funny is that I could fuck you right here and I know you wouldn’t want me to stop” He licked the inner shell of my ear and bit roughly on the cartilage, my body involuntarily shuddered in reaction. I gulped I ain’t know what to say back so I ignored him.

I pushed his face away from mine. “Eww get off of me bruh, you’re breath hot”.

“Give me a kiss” he breathed.

“No, you don’t deserve one” I stuck out my tongue. Which he tried to bite. This man was really crazy.

“Pleaseeee” He drew his bottom lip out.

“Slim please help me, get him off of me” I sighed.

Kells tried to kiss me and I screamed in laughter. 

“Get off of me fool, you be playing too much, c’mon yo” I tried to sound irritated but I was smiling too hard. 

I was able to get away from him and run, and he chased me around the house, Ashleigh started yelling at us to calm down. I got a broomstick to hit him with and he was laughing at me because I was making karate noses.

I ran away from him. I ran back to the room where Slim was at. 

“Yo make him stop”

“You gotta kiss him,” he said nonchalantly still staring at his phone

K came into the room as I hid behind Slim as I giggled out of breath.

“Yo hold her down for me” K demanded Slim.

“He wouldn’t do that to me” I protested.

K laughed at me in hysterics.

“Slim get her for me man” he yelled.

Slim locked both my arms.

“You have no loyalty Slim, fuck you” I wriggle my legs. Slim bellowed in laughter behind me, once K got a hold of me, Slim let go and sat on the chair by the computer, making a disgusted face at us. 

K inched closer and laid his lips on my belly button. I flinched a little, as he playfully kissed all the way up until he reached my lips. He gave me a juicy wet plump kiss that I did not respond to. 

“I can’t take y’all asses out nowhere” Slim laughed.

Once K let go of my arms, I got up to smack the back of his head.

“You play too much” I laughed tryna catch my breath.

“You just mad because I won” he quickly lit up once he realized something “Or did you let me win cos you wanted that kiss too” he proudly concocted.

I gave him the coldest side-eye as I scrunched up my face. Instead of responding to him I threw a pillow at his face that smacked him and his giraffe ass neck hard. 

“You are mad delusional” I shut down.

Maybe he was right.

                                   ***********

I entered K’s car and I felt my eyes light up.  

I missed you today, you barely texted me, I thought to myself. 

I threw my backpack in the backseat. I settled down in the seat, I rolled my neck and closed my eyes as I cracked the knots out of my spine. I opened my eyes to look at Kells, he was unusually quiet, I wondered why he was so distracted.

“Why you so quiet all of sudden, you don’t know how to say hi to nobody” I had a smirk on my face. And he just beamed from ear to ear, you could see his dimples when he smiled so hard.

“What?... Why are you staring at me like that? Is there something on my face” I pulled the compact mirror open and looked at my face to see if anything was wrong. Nothing I could see. Mmhmm white boys act weird. I shrugged.

K smiled to himself, he seemed happy and relaxed.

“Are you high are something? Hello, earth to Colson” I waved in his face as he drove. He maneuvered his eyes to the road while he was laughing at me.

“You said you missed me today” he couldn’t hold back his shit-eating grin. I rolled my eyes. 

“I didn’t say that”

“Yes, you did. You liiiiiike me” He teased. He stopped at a red light and turned to me.

“Sasha all you have to do is let go, you know you want me, just admit girl, you think I’m a tall fine glass of white chocolate milk” he licked his lips.

I busted out laughing cos he was such a fool.

“Keep dreaming” I laughed at him.

“Only if you’re there, giving me top” He looked at me. I shoved him.

He threw his hands all over my body and decided to tickle me, I screamed in protest. “You liiiiiike me” he kept repeating like a broken record.

It wasn’t until the car behind him honked. “The light is green” I yelled in laughter to get his attention.

He let off the brake and drove the car, “Oops”. The car that was behind pulled up next to us to yell in our direction. Kells stuck up his middle finger and yelled, “yo shut the fuck up, bitch ass muthafucka” They both stopped at the next red light. The car kept pushing K’s patience. K looked visibly mad, he rolled down my window and started cussing the man out. I wasn’t able to make out what the man said, but it stopped K in his tracks as if all the blood drained from his skin. K no longer looked liked himself, he looked like he was about to kill someone.

K pulled open the glove compartment and grabbed his glock and tucked into his underwear. 

I was mad as hell at Kells, why the fuck would he let a stranger take him out of character. Why waste your energy being mad about some ignorant ass fool. I had my arms crossed. 

“Aye yo cracker, keep talking, I promise you I’ll kill a mf before I let you disrespect my girl,” The guy said something to piss off Kells. Kells threw the car in park and hopped as I yelled at him to get his ass back in the car. As K walked up to this man's car, K lifted his shirt showing the butt of his gun tucked into his boxers. Before K could fully reach the car, the escalade sped off into on-coming traffic. Kells yelled after the car.

“Get back in the car” I hissed at him.

“Why are you upset, I was defending us, he called me an n-word lover, he kept throwing around slurs, said we were hoodrats, nobody gonna say that to you in front of me, ever” He was visibly upset once he was in the car, even more, cars were honking at us.

He was yelling at everyone who passed us to shut the fuck up. He didn’t give a fuck that the light was green, he untucked his .40 and put it in the glove compartment wrapped in a gym shirt. I looked at him incredulously.

“Were you about to shoot him or something?” I say in shock.

“Nah I was gonna scare him tho” He laughed. “Show him how hood I truly am, I proud of the stripes I’ve earned, these are my roots baby”

“Muthafucka, don’t ever pull that ghetto ass shit out here, you heard, you would’ve gone to jail, are you dumb?”

“I’ve been to prison, I ain’t really care” He shrugged. I was visibly upset. Our good mood quickly ruined. 

K’s hands gripped the steering wheel and his veins and muscles flexed while we sat in silence as he drove.

“I’m sorry when I’m mad I can’t see straight” He laughed it off.

“You shouldn’t put yourself in the way to get hurt like that, you never know who you are dealing with, I just want you to be safe,” I said looking out the window. His hand fell into mine and he brought my hand to his mouth and placed a kiss onto the inside of my palm.

“You care about me” he looked. I rolled my eyes. 

“Well we’re are friends, I don’t want you to go to jail,” I said in a small voice.

“I’m not, you ain’t got nothing to worry about. I will never leave you”

We sat in silence again. I felt him staring at me.

“What” I glanced at him with my side peripherals. He shook his head while cheesing hard.

“You liiiiiiikeeee me” he giggled. 

This time I couldn’t deny him. I just laughed with him.

“Yeah so, what are you gonna do about that” I stuck my tongue out at him. I also turn my neck to him. “I can’t believe you called another white person a cracker, K. You one too” I shook my head in a burst of laughter.

I could see through my peripherals he was laughing, he was truly bi-polar. “Keep laughing at me, and we’ll see where that will get you” he warned but couldn’t keep a serious composure. His smile was carved into his cheeks. 

“You liiiiike me too” I poke at his side. Kells for the first time giggles at me. This was good for us. 

                                   ***********

I heard my apartment buzzer go off. I wasn’t expecting anyone over. I just got out the shower, was cleaning up the place before I started some homework. I was just in a big t-shirt and underway. I answered the buzzer. “Who is it?”

“It’s K. I wanted to see you, let me up” 

I buzzed him in. I waited until he got to my floor. I heard the knock. I unlocked the door and seeing him was a breath of fresh air. He looked so good in a sean john sweatsuit and with some black air force ones.

He hugged me like he just didn’t just see me less than 24 hours.

I closed the door behind him.

“What’s up, you can’t breathe without me?” I laughed.

He let go of me and gave me a warm smile. “I just wanted to see you, there is no place I wanted to be, I was feeling off today, I know you’d make me feel better”

“Why are you feeling off today”

“My father” He rolled his eyes.

“You still live with him, I thought you moved in with Slim”

“Not officially. I just sleep at their crib to avoid fighting with my Dad, he’s aggy because he just found about all of my tattoos, so he’s been bitching at me every time he sees me. He wanted me to go to college and shit but that ain’t for me” he unzipped his jacket and was stripped down to a black wife beater. 

“I gotta make sure he is actually eating from time to time so I give him whatever money I can spare and put some food in the fridge, he’ll just drink his Kettle 1 vodka” he rambled off.

He massages his forehead and ages about five years.

“I’m sorry you have to deal with that” I massage his shoulder. No kid should have to parent their own mom or dad. I’d know cos I spent years doing just that.

“Sometimes I wish I came from a normal family, I just wanted him to love me, accept me for me, be proud of me no matter what, but no matter what I am, he’ll just resent me, I look just like her”

“Your mom” I infer and he nods.

I hug him and kiss his forehead. 

“Your mom is stupid for leaving you. You are the best thing to ever happen to me, and for her to walk out on you says nothing about you and everything about her, you hear me, it’s not your fault, that they treated you the way they did. I’m sure they love you in their own way, but they can’t love you how you need to be loved, and it’s their loss not to know you or want you in their life. You are the most resilient, persistent, loyal, caring person I know, you are fearless and you don’t care what anyone thinks of you, you are authentically yourself, you will  protect your family, Slim, Ashleigh, Dre, Dub, Irv no questions asked, you love people with everything that you are, even though you hide it, I see you, Colson, I know you will be great and do great, I know one day you’ll forgive them for hurting you cos that’s just the type of person you are, don’t forget that you are 100 fucking thousand percent better than them, you are the best thing they ever did and their gonna leave this world with regret cos they didn’t know that from day 1”

He rests his face inside the crook of my neck. I feel the moist wetness against my skin and realize it's his tears falling onto my neck, I just hug him tight, afraid that he will wither away in my arms. 

“You are worthy and loved, you are self-deserving, and you know what I love you, I care about you, you are my friend, you will always have me by your side. You can always sleep here, if you ever need a place to stay, always, no matter what, I’ll help you, come to me and you won’t have to worry about a thing” I whisper into his ear.

He leans on me. I could see him pull away from me and rub his swollen red eyes. I never have seen him cry, but I know how hard it hurts to not feel wanted by the people who were supposed to unconditionally love you.

I bring him into my room and lay him down onto my bed, I tuck us under the covers. I wrap around his frame from the back, and rub his scalp, trying to soothe him to sleep.

I feel him unravel us and he turns to me and puts his head in between my chest, and we cuddle together, locked.

His eyes are closed, I can see the young boy under all the hard exterior he masquerades with during the day.

My eyes are closed, drifting off to sleep as he rubs my thigh. 

“Sasha,” he says quietly

“Mmm,” I say completely relaxed.

“I don’t know what’s gonna happen to us but promise me that you’ll be my friend no matter what. I can’t lose you, you forgot that you’re part of my family now, no way I’m gonna give you up” his eyes pierced my own. His forehead an inch from mine.

“I prom” I search his eyes.

“You what” he looks confused.

“I prom... a half promise” a smile slowly inches on to my face, he realizes I’m fucking with him.

I feel him shake in my arms and his laughter bubbles from his stomach.

I laugh along with him. I look down at his face to see him grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

“I needed that laugh” he holds his stomach. 

I wrap my pinky around his and repeat “prom”. I smile at our inside joke.

“Yeah, prom” he squeezes my pinky. He pats his pockets“I got you something”

He sits up and pats his pocket and pulls out a gold plated necklace, the C initial twirls on the necklace. I look into his eyes, confused. 

“Did you spend your money on that” I gasped.

“I guess you could say that my boy had the hook-up, it’s real gold too, so it won’t make ya neck green” he traced my neck while he spoke.

“C’mere” he motioned. I get up from the pillows and lean my back into his chest. I could see us in the mirror on the closet doors. His hand hovers over my skin, he wraps the necklace around my neck and threads the clasp through the hole. He adjusts and reaches over my shoulder to touch the “C” as it rests in the middle of my breastplate. He gently presses his lips against my neck but I don’t stop him just yet. He trails his mouth through the crevices of my neck until he finds my sweet spot, I give it away so easily cos my body shudders under his. I could feel the stupid grin he always had when he knew he affected me in some way.

He pushes me onto my back and continues to suck my neck, I can’t stop this feeling, cos it feels good. I don’t care. It couldn’t go further than this, once he starts to bite the skin of my neck, his hands start to fill my body up, under my oversized shirt, his fingers pad my torso as I flinch at the cooling sensation, and then his hands come to my breasts, palming my hardening nipples. 

The shirt suddenly becomes too hot, so I lift it off my breast so he can have better access.

He twists my nipple between his forefinger and thumbs, tightening and pulling it, and I feel my pussy lips moisten with arousal, this was so familiar, it felt so good.

If I let this get too far I don’t know if I could ever go back, the thoughts are erased when K puts his mouth on my nipple and sucks the skin into his mouth. He teethes and bites at my nipple, my hips buckle to his. I need more, I want more. K gave me this hunger, I never had, never wanted but I wanted it with him. I look down at what he was doing, I saw the bruises he left all over my left breast and, his head of golden hair nipped at my right breast, attacking the whole area.

I realize what K was doing, he was marking me, he marked my neck with his mouth and his initial. He knew what he was doing. 

He removes my shirt and his shirt follows. His tattooed skin pressed up against my dark skin contrast together. I liked feeling his muscles against my nipples as he swallowed my tongue. I felt the familiar tingle reach my pussy, as my walls contracted, the need to be satiated pushed me over the edge, K pads his fingers against my smooth skin, and grab on my ass. Massaging my hips and thighs, I hear the waistband to my panties snap onto my skin, leaving me to buck away, the sensations were overpowering my decision, it was all so tempting.

“Let me make you feel good, I just wanna taste you. Let me show you how you make me feel, let me treat you like you deserve to be treated” K moaned into my mouth. His kissed trailed, he stopped at my nipple and decided to swivel his tongue around the surface, tracing each goosebump.

“It’ll be just like the first night, if you don’t like it I’ll stop” he begged.

Soon K opened my legs, I could feel the wetness pool between my legs. 

His face sat right in between, I felt a familiar pit in my stomach, I wanted it all to go away, for it to stop. I was scared. I felt bad and guilty, I didn’t know what to do. I felt too raw, too vulnerable. He deserved someone better than me, someone, that wouldn’t constantly reject him.

I covered my face in embarrassment. “Colson, I’m sorry, I can’t, I want to but... not today” I whispered. His face turned red, realizing that I was pulling away.

“What’s the matter, baby girl, is this too fast” He sat up and tried to pull my hands out my face.

He laid by me as I laid into him. “I can’t tell you, you’ll just end up hating me” I sighed.

He didn’t respond, he handed me my shirt, and helped me put it on. He kissed my lips, and hugged me to his chest, I felt safe again. “I’m sorry” I whispered into his chest. I wiped away a couple of small tears cos I didn’t want him to notice. He should have forgotten me cos I knew I wouldn’t be the girl he wanted.

                                   ***********

I was in my room, braiding my hair, I heard the key turn at the entrance door, I heard K’s tread walk in and lock up.

I knew K was coming over later tonight, I texted him that my brother was out of town this week and I didn’t want to be alone. He agreed to stay with me.

“Sash” His voice thick and deep.

“Back here, in my room”

I sat in the mirror finishing the two braids, and tying my satin wrap around my head, I looked in the mirror trying to adjust the satin the right way. My door flew open as I tied the know. It took me to register K behind me, I snapped my neck and gasped in shock and disbelief.

“Who the fuck did this to you?” I yelled.

He was covered in bruises and his whole face was bruised and bloody.

“Are you street fighting for money?” I turned my head. 

He shook.

“You got jumped?” 

He shook his head, his shaggy hair falling in front of his busted eyebrow and swollen eye.

I sat him on my bed, and held his hand into mine, trying to search his face and demeanor for the truth.

“It was your father, Colson, he did this” I demanded.

I choked back a sob. I never wanted to see him this, I prayed that he wouldn’t have to go through this. 

“He and I got into a fight, I said a few things about my mom leaving him and he decided to swing, I didn’t stop him. He hadn’t touched me in a while. I thought I was too old to get my ass beat by him, but I guess he wanted me to know how much he hates me” he laughed darkly.

I stare back at him, upset, trying to understand why his father could beat the living shit out of his 19-year-old son. K was a hustler, a fighter, he was always strong, but I knew he was too raw tonight, he felt exposed, and was laughing to hide these feelings of abandonment and lack of self-worth.

His laughter soon turned into sobs. I was holding a little broken boy in my lap, trying to piece back the shards. 

“I’m here” is all I whispered into his ear. His tears soaked my swimming Cavalier XXL shirt. 

I pulled him into my bathroom flicked the light open, I sat him down on the toilet seat. 

I got a first aid kit and began to clean the gashes. The blood wouldn’t stop pooling. 

“I think we should get you to the hospital” I stared at him.

“I don’t have health insurance”

“K you might need stitches or something, your hands are too swollen and your nose looks uneven” I sighed and tried to quickly think. I run into my room and grab my phone. My brother had some contacts: someone who could do this under the table, for a reasonable price.

I called in, they answered the phone. “It’s Sasha, Tre’s little sister” I paused and look a K. “I need to see you, it’s an emergency”. I hang up the phone.

I looked at K and motioned to his coat “grab your coat, c’mon”. I rummaged through my closet and opened up a shoebox. I pulled out the stacks of money tied to rubber bands. I grabbed 1, knowing that there were 100 bills of 100 dollars. 

K looked at me in shock. “We’ll talk about it later” I grabbed my brother’s keys on the hook, a car he didn’t use because it was old, it was a car to look normal in, a 90′s beamer he got at a junkyard, and had his boys fix it up.

The elevator door took us to the parking garage. I hurried K and opened the car. He sat in the passenger seat, holding an ice pack wrapped in a washcloth to the upper eyebrow where he needed stitches. 

“You know how to drive,” he asked. 

“Not really” I looked at him with a wince. “Just relax, it's not that far, I used to drive my brother all the time” I smiled at him trying to calm him. 

I back the car up jerkily, trying to find my bearing in the car, pressing on the brakes too often. 

“Sorry,” I said to K hoping I didn’t hurt his body. 

“I can drive,” he said to me. 

“Just relax baby, Imma take care of this”

I put my foot on the pedal as soon as the parking garage opened enough to let me fit the car through the exit. I wobbly drive to my destination. 

I end up turning on 19th street and pulling over into what looks like an abandoned building. Once we walk through the back door and go further in, we go down a flight of stairs into a lit room with plastic sheets covering the entrance and a man guarding the area. 

He recognizes me “Sasha” he greets and he motions us to a room and points.

We sit in the room and wait, a black woman comes into the room shortly, my brother’s ex-girlfriend. 

I hug her immediately. “Hey, what happened here” she looked at K.

“He’s my friend, Jada, umm I don’t know what to do” I cry to her. She looks at me and K, then to me again. 

“Your brother knows you’re here,” she asks. I shake my head. 

“Of course” She quips, she begins to work on K.  She cleans up his cuts first and disinfects the area. She begins to stitch his eyebrow and his cheekbones.

“I need to reset your nose” she walked over to him. “Stay still, breathe in when I count down to three,” she said efficiently. 

I closed my eyes and held his hand like I was the one getting the adjustment. At three he squeezed my hand, I heard him whimper and huge crack sounded. 

“Almost done” she comforted. A few more cracks and then she moved on to his fingers, and adjusted the broken fingers, and bandaged them together putting a splint on.

“I’m gonna give you some Oxycodone, take as needed, it’s on the bottle. Make sure you ice you’re injuries and clean your cuts in the morning and before you got to bed, the stitches fall out by themselves”

“Thanks” Kells responded exhausted as his shoulders slumped forward and Jada handed him the pill bottle.

“Sasha can I speak with you for a second” she motioned outside the room.

I nodded, I looked at K. “Imma be back”, I followed her outside.

Once we were far away enough so K couldn’t hear us she began.

“What happened to him, you better not be dealing with someone who is working for your brother” she reprimanded.

“Why do you care, you left us, you’re not my mother, I’m not your concern anymore” I snapped.  I looked at her hurt face. I know my brother cheated on her to the point where she had enough, it was never her fault. “I’m sorry, that’s insensitive of me” 

“It’s okay Sasha, I’m sorry I stopped speaking to you, I had to move on and love your brother from afar, it had nothing to do with you, I hope you understand. But that doesn’t take away from the fact this man is dangerous and can hurt you. I want that best for you, I will always care about you no matter what” she rubbed my shoulder. I tensed up a little.

“It’s not like that, his father did that to him, he had nowhere else to go, I didn’t want to embarrass him in front of you”

Jada stood there in shock. I closed my eyes for a second and began to cry all over again. 

“I’m scared for him, to go back to that house. He will eventually die”. I sobbed into her chest. 

She hugged me into her warmth and soothed me into I stopped. 

“Girl you gotta be strong, for him. He needs you. Don’t worry about the money. I’m always gonna help you, you’re like my little sister. Get home safe. I have to get to my other patients” She smiled at me and wiped my tears. 

“I’m a phone call away” she reminded and I watched her walk away from me.

I walked into the room K’s was in, watching him nod off to sleep.

“Colson, let’s go home” I reach for his hand, he grabs mine and we head to the car. I help him as he puts some of his weight on me, trying to carry his body to the car. 

Once we settled, I start the car and look to see if he is okay. He looks at me all loopy, faintly smiling. “What?” I ask him.

“You like me a lot” he mused. 

“Yeah, I do” I admitted. He nodded off before he could respond.

He was gonna make my life hell but in a good way. 

                                   ***********

“BAKER” I yelled from my room, I picked up one of his dirty under-wears from the bathroom floor. I was cleaning up the house, and this muthafucka was laid up rolling blunts on the coffee table watching tv.

“Why the fuck you screaming for? ” He yelled over the TV.

I walked into the living room, hand on hip. I squint my eyes at him. 

“You leave your shit all over the place, I’m not your fuckin maid, is this a hotel to you” I rolled my eyes.

“I’m letting it air dry before I put it in the wash” he gave me a shit-eating grin.

I sucked in my teeth. I mimicked him. “I’m letting it air dry” I made a face.

“You think you are so fuckin smart, but you ain’t” I snatched his blunt from his hand and drew some smoke out as it burned. 

“Why you so sexy when you mad” Kells drank me in. I blew smoke into his face.

“This ain’t cute, Saturday mornings we clean in this house, I know you raised by white people but this ain’t gonna fly up in my house” I threw his wet underwear at him and dropped the blunt on the ashtray, and ran away from him into the back of my room. 

“You gonna get it” I heard him yell from the living room. He caught up to me and lifted me on his shoulder and threw me onto the bed. I laughed at him trying to escape but I could get out from underneath him.

He put his whole weight on me as he collapsed onto me.

“C’mon K I don’t have time for this right now”

“You were supposed to take care of me like a sexy nurse,” he said against my lips.

“It’s been three weeks, you are practically healed” I groaned.

“Show me some love mama” he kissed me in the crevice of my neck.

“Are you gonna help me clean after?”

“I’m finna clean you cos after I’m done you’ll be so dirty” his breath hit my neck.

I laughed hard and tried to push him off of me. 

“You so corny, get off of me” I laughed.

He flipped us over so that way I straddled his waist. 

“You’re so pretty, I don’t know how I got you to give me a chance, baddest bitch I’ve ever seen. Period”

I hid my face in his chest. 

“Don’t hide from me” he lifted me. I laid on his side as he turned over to face me. His thumb caressed my bottom lip, and he pressed his lips to mine, and he sucked on my bottom lip. He bit me a little and released it. 

I looked at his now swollen pink lips and studied his face until I flitted up to meet his eyes. 

“You like me” He teased. 

“You’re my best friend” I smiled at him. K’s fingertips traced my thigh. 

“Best friends don’t kiss” he pointed out.

“I didn’t start that” I tossed back.

“But you didn’t stop either” he looked at me knowingly. “just admit it already”.

“Admit what,” I said nonchalantly.

“That you want me” He bored into my eyes, refusing to change the subject or look elsewhere, and under his gaze, I squirmed. He sucked his teeth.

“You so innocent, and so pretty when you are nervous” he smiled at me.

I didn’t know what to say to him, I mean he proved how loyal and how much he cared about me as a friend and woman. He was everything that scared me. For someone who’ve been through so much, someone who continued to make everyone else laugh and not worry about their own baggage, someone who cared and rode hard for people no matter what, K was a big softie under his hard exterior, he was so sensitive. He deserved someone to give him all his love, someone who gave him 100%, who could love whole, and not have demons hiding in the closet. 

I don’t want to fuck this up. 

“Why would you” he responded, “You said you didn’t want to fuck this up... what do you mean” he persisted. I didn’t mean to say it out loud.

“I just don’t want to disappoint you and I don’t want you to leave me, you have no idea how much you mean to me as friend K. I love you and I know you want more. I do like you... it’s just...”

I start to cry.

“Why you crying, baby, don’t cry for me. You are so pretty when you cry” he wiped away my tears. I laugh at him talking to me in a different voice that he would never use in front of anyone else.

“Listen to me, I don’t know what’s not clicking inside that big ass head of yours, but I ain’t leaving” He kisses me hard on the mouth, I kissed him back. He pulled away. “Plus you got that good cable here, why the fuck would I leave when I have this place and maid who cleans after me” he laughed. I shoved his shoulder.

“You really ain’t shit” I sit up. “Having me get all emotional, fuck you” I laugh. I hit the back of his head.

He was looking at me all stupid. I mean mug the fuck out him, “What?” I tie my hair up in a ponytail.

“I’m so fucked cos... you... you...” he couldn’t get the words out his mouth, he looked at me searching for something... anything. “when I met you that night, I felt something, I ain’t talking bout my dick, I haven’t felt this way bout a bitch ever in my life, girl. You special to me. I don’t know what to call it, but you mine”

He took my hands in his and intertwined our fingers together.

He kissed me softly.

“I love your big juicy lips” he assaulted me with kisses and I laughed cos he didn't stop. He snaked his hand down my stomach and cupped my vagina, “and I’m tryna feel these tonight” he laughed.

“Why always gotta ruin the mood” he wouldn't stop kissing me, now I was all out of breath. “Yo K I can’t breathe” I try pushing him away. 

He backed off and snuggled his head into my boobs. I played with his hair. 

“When I make it big, we ain’t gonna have to worry about shit”

“Oh, so I’m gonna be there with you” I hummed.

“You my bitch, of course, you’ll be there” he nudged.

“Friend, K, friend” I corrected him.

“Yeah whatever you say, big head” he laughed. 

“My head is not that big” I stared at him incredulously.

                                   ***********

“This is the price I gotta pay, you know I have to protect you, you my baby sister. No one can know I love you. Why do you think I go through hoops, I go through to protect you, to take care of you” my brother explained. 

“You are getting older now, I’m always gonna take care of you when I’m alive, but I can’t keep living with you anymore it’s not safe, think of it as a dorm, you are getting older, you’re 16″ He tried to calm me down, but I was too emotional. I didn’t take change very well.

It felt like he was leaving me but I knew that wasn’t the problem. The problem was that he was one of the top distributors of cocaine, and this was the life he built for us and it’s not like he could walk away. He didn’t want to. 

“You know I love you, sis. Imma visit real soon. I’m just caught up right now. Aight” in the distance I heard loud people talking and my brother pulled away from the receiver. “AYE AYE, Don’t you see I’m on the fucking phone” he kept yelling at them and there was a gunshot and then silence, he came back to the mic. “Yo sis, I gotta go, gotta get some bitches to clean up a mess. I call you. Stay safe”  He hung up.

I should be celebrating, any person my age would love this predicament, but I had shit to worry about, different responsibilities. You grow up quickly when you exposed to this hard ass life. I was quiet in my suffering because I was ashamed. How do you tell people what you been through without them pitying you or treating you differently? I don’t need that shit.

I heard the door unlock and K walk in with another bruise on his cheekbone.

I go to hug him tight. “What’s wrong” he squeezes me back.

“My brother is not coming back. I live here by myself now” I look at him.

“But he hasn’t been here for a while, even when he lived in the 216″ he pointed out.

“Yeah, but its official, he didn’t even tell me that he was thinking about doing it until he already did it” I pouted.

“You a lil brat, you know that” He kissed my lips.  I dismissed his insult as I rolled my eyes.

“You ate yet” I questioned. He nodded. 

“Are you hungry, I made food earlier. You look like you are losing weight. I don’t know how that is possible” I pinch his side.

He sits at the table, I make him a plate of food. I serve him and place the plate on the table, he rubs his hands. “This looks good baby” his smile reaches the hollowness of his cheeks. I hand him a fork. The colder months really affected white people.

I sit down next to him and start doing some homework.

He shovels the rice and beans in his mouth, and on the other hand, he grabs the jerk chicken leg bitting the meat and skin. 

“Yo, what is this” He picks up a sweet plantain with his fork.

“Eat it... it tastes good,” I said to him. 

“Mhmm, this shit tastes exquisite,” he said through a mouth full of food.

“You reading a dictionary or something” I laugh at him. It was pretty silent as I concentrated on my assignment. He went back to get seconds.

“Damn you must have been hungry,” I said to him. “Why did you tell me you ate already”. I got some juice from the fridge and handed K a Heineken. 

Colson stopped his movements. “I didn’t want to put this shit on you”

“You can never put anything on me, I’m your friend. I will always be there for you, always help you.”  I rubbed his side.

“What happened” I gently murmured. 

“There is nothing to eat” his forehead scrunches up. “My dad spends everything on alcohol. I buy him groceries, so I don’t want to eat that food or else this muthafucka would die. I have nothing left for me after I help with rent” 

I rub his arm, my face must look so fuckin sad, cos I was hurting for him. Why didn’t he ever tell me?

“I’ve been eating when I can, but I go without eating most days, just be sleeping on my break” 

“I would have helped you, why were you spending your money on me? My brother gives me cash and I can’t put it all into the bank”

“I don’t want you to waste your money on me, I should be the one taking care of you” he sucks his teeth.

“I wouldn’t even notice. I have money, money, in cash.” I put my hand on my hip.

“But it’s yours, and not mine” he sucked his teeth. I rolled my eyes. 

“K what’s not clicking? I’m taking care of you. If you need money, I’ll give you it. Please don’t tell me you aren’t eating, I always have food in the house, this shit is yours okay.” I turn him to me and wrap my arms around his waist and his upper body cascades on me.

“It’s not embarrassing either, remember how you told me I don’t have to be alone anymore, that goes for you too. We are in this together, you are not a burden to me. Let me be there for you too” 

He kissed my lips. “Thank you”

“Damn that jerk chicken was spicy” I tasted on his lips. He laughed. 

“What you think I can’t handle things that are hot” He kissed me again. He pulled back. “I think I’m hungry for something else”.

“That I can’t help you with. Finish your food and maybe I’ll think about it” I walk away from him and he slaps my ass. 

“Colson, that hurt” I roll my eyes.

“That’s the point”.

                                   ***********

I opened the apartment door with my books in hand, to see a dark figure on the couch. My heart stopped, I flipped the light to see I wasn’t tripping, the illuminations filled in the shadows and silhouette of the figure. 

I recognized the shape as Kells, who was sleeping.  I held my chest and calmed down, and I sat my bag on the kitchen table. I finished getting ready for bed.

I took a shower, braided my hair down and put on my bonnet and threw on huge t-shirt.

I padded my way to K who was still sleeping. I shook him awake. His eyes squinted, trying to register his surroundings. 

“I didn’t know you were coming” I grabbed his hand and led him to my bed.

He pulled me to his chest, and cradled my head, giving me a peck on the lips. He embraced me with his warmth, snuggling into the crevice of my neck. “Where were you” he hummed into my neck. 

“Library, I was studying” I pulled away from him and closed the door to my room.

He exhaustedly removed his layers of clothes, so that he was left in nothing but his boxers.

We climbed under the covers, I inched closer to him and nested my head under his. His long arms circled my waist. He pulled me closer, I turned my body to face him, my hand rested on his chest. I studied his face. He looked strained, confused, and sullen. He was hiding his true feelings from me. I knew it. 

Something had to happen for him to come here when he knew I wouldn’t be back til later. 

“You got into it with your pops again” I break his silence. He growls.

“I don’t wanna talk about it right now” he grumbled.

“You don’t have to go through this shit alone anymore K” my hand found his cheek, as I moved my thumb against his soft skin. “I know how hard this is for you, but you’ll kill yourself holding it in” his eyes squeezed in pain. I rubbed his arm gently, trying to comfort him, remind him that I wasn’t going anywhere.

“He........ uh..... kicked me out....” he whispered almost like he didn’t want let go of the words coming from his mouth.

I sat in silence. He must be hurting about it, he essentially had no place to call home, but I rather him live with me, then be by himself. I hope he knows that he’ll always have a place to stay here.

“I’ve been officially staying with Slim and Ash, bouncing from couch to couch” he couldn’t finish because I sat up and cut him off.

“Wait this didn’t happen today, why didn’t you tell me? When did he do this?” I look upset. I turn the light on, so I can see his face better.

“I don’t know, I already told you about me starving. I just... didn’t want you to feel like you have to help, I get it... I’m a lot, bad shit is always happening to me as soon as I walk out the fucking house” he looked at me with his dark circled eyes. “A muthafucka can’t catch a goddam break, it’s like I breathe and people tryna suffocate me, my own parents don’t want shit to do with me, all I did was love them and they hate me for existing, like I asked to be here, what’s the fucking point of even being here anymore” he picked up my alarm clock on the nightstand, yanked it out of the outlet and threw it at the wall. I jumped at the loud crash it made, while it shattered in different pieces. 

He sat up fully in bed and with his back turned to me and legs hanging off the bed. His head bowed as his arms supported his crouched back. I was hesitant to touch him, I didn’t know what to say, I realized I was crying. My heart broke for him. I understood more than anybody, I was hurt but at least I had my brother. K had no one to support him, love him unconditionally, to tell him that everything is going to be okay. He had to find that himself. He had to go out and fend for himself, and try to survive or die trying. 

I threw my arms around his shoulders, kissing his neck. His tense muscles relaxed as he felt my breath on his skin. I started murmuring things like “I want you here”, “you are loved”, and “I’m here, it's okay”. I tried to help him. I hope these words got through to him. But I knew it wouldn’t fix anything. 

I knew I loved him and it’s because I wanted to save him. I wanted to make him happy. I wanted him to heal from these emotional scars. 

What scared me was that I wasn’t going to be enough for him, that I would try and he wouldn’t be saved. These dark thoughts would plague when he was alone when I wasn’t there to chase them away. I knew the death wish that was coursing through his mind, I was plagued by the same demons. I didn’t want this to end in me walking into his lifeless body, cos this life had that in store for the both us. 

Either we die here or get the fuck out.

How could I take his pain away? 

I prayed that we both made it out of here alive. 

“You are staying here with me. Tomorrow you and me are getting the rest of your shit out that house. I don’t give a fuck if I have to shoot the man. You heard” 

K darkly chuckled. He kissed the inside of my palm. He leaned back, I unwrapped my arms around me and scooted over back to my side of the bed. 

He turned and got back to lie down on the bed. Once he got comfortable, he opened his arms to motion me to come back to him. I laid my head on to his chest I felt him kiss the top of my head and his hand rested on my ass, gently massaging that area. He tapped my thigh, I moved it on top of him as he got closer to me. I inched closer to his body heat, I traced my fingertips on his chest.

“C’mere” his low voice rasped. I moved my head to look at him. He silently tapped his lips. I pressed mine on to his softly. I pulled back to look at him, I could see him smile under his hard exterior. 

He pushed my head down to his lips, as he began to kiss me harder, pulling my lips apart with his tongue, massaging the surface of my own. I began to feel the familiar hunger and pull in between my legs. I knew I had to stop. I leaned away from him.

K sighed a little and then laughed. “Here” he reached for my hair and I pulled back from his touch. “I’m tryna help you... get your big head back here” I groaned and rolled my eyes at his moniker he gave me. I tilted my head closer to him as he continued to pull down my bonnet from it slipping to the back of my head. I didn’t even notice while he attacking my lips. “Sorry” he snapped the elastic band on my forehead, he chuckled as I fixed it into a comfortable place. I smirked at him, his happy mood was infectious. ... “I want to feel your hair when I kiss you” he pecked my lips one more time. I smiled at him. 

“I’m black” I laugh at him. 

“I know you don’t like it when I touch your hair but you finna get used it”  his audacity jumped out. 

I immediately paused and scoffed, giving him the side-eye, he widened his eyes to mimic me and exaggerate that he meant what he said too. 

“I can side eye you too, that don’t mean shit to me. I just be wanting to see all of you” he didn’t back off.

“First of all, I know I’m fine, my momma already told me” I sized the fuck out of him. “and 2nd a bitch don’t play with her hair, don’t touch that shit unless you ask my man”

He sucked his teeth. “You really have a mouth on you”

“I ain't no white girl since I know you be fucking them” I laughed.

“Don’t ever try me like that, I’ve only been with black women” he said. 

“A black woman, and that’s me! Whomever you think you’ve been with, erase that shit from your memory, your type is only me baby” I made it clear to him.

“You crazy, I thought we were friends” he threw back in my face.

I didn’t have any more comebacks. 

“That’s irrelevant” I couldn’t help the smile that formed on my face. I threw a pillow at him. “Go to bed, friend” I unwrapped myself from him and turned to the end of the bed far away from him.

“Aht, aht, come back here” He pulled me to him, I was laughing. “Don’t be acting like that”

“I was acting like ‘friends’” I play dumb.

“You just want to hear me say that I’m only attracted to you” he pointed out.

“Well, I already know that” I laughed.

“Tell me you are only attracted to me” he demanded

“Mhmm no, then I would be lying” I stalled.

“Nah, it ain’t finna work like that” he denied.

“No, you can only be attracted to me, I can be attracted to whoever I want, you are the first white man I’ve ever been attracted to” I confidently explained.

“I am the first and only man, you’ve been attracted to you” He called me out. The smile that once was on my face slowly slipped away. I could tell his smirk was going to turn into his shit-eating grin. I connected the dots, I mean he wasn’t wrong, but I wasn’t gonna let him know that and have the last word.

“Won’t be my last” I hummed.

“I will kill anyone who looks at you, don’t fucking try me” he barked.

“I’m the crazy one” I huff, I yawned and turned off the light.

I heard him laughing at himself. I snuggled into my spot in his arms, I shoved his other shoulder to stop laughing. 

“Go to bed” I laughed with him. He quieted down. A comfortable silence fell between us.

“Do I really have a bighead?” I asked him.

K’s burst of laughter confirmed everything I needed to know.

                                   ***********

“SASHA COME BACK HERE” K screamed at me from the other side of the house.

I enter the kitchen and open the fridge, pulling out some ingredients to make a sandwich.

K came running into the kitchen with the tattoo gun in hand. I gave him a face that would suggest that he should put that shit down before he came near me. He set it down on the table.

“C’mon Sasha. Just one tattoo. Get one for me” He begged, while his bottom lip jutted out.

“Why would I tattoo a ‘friend’ on my body” I acted confused.  Ashely laughed and walked out as soon as she saw K’s face.

“That’s how we doing this right now” He nodded his head at me. “Aight, coo, I see you” he shooed me away.

“I’ll only get the tattoo if you get one too” I looked at him and he turned around and his eyes lit up again.

“What do you want me to get” He reasoned.

“I want you to put my name on your neck, maybe even the Bratz icon you made for me on that hoodie” I smiled innocently. 

He tilted his head, almost contemplating it “How big we talking?”

“I want that shit on the side of your neck, fat ass fuck” I placed three fingers on his neck. His eyes widened.

“Hell nah, you tripping, get that out of my face” he swatted my hands away. I laughed at him.

“Then I am not getting a tattoo of your name” I laugh harder. This dude is crazier then I thought. 

“Why do you want it on my neck for?” he asked.

“Everyone will see that you are branded cos you are mine” I smiled at him. He stared at me like he lost all his sense.  “What?” I snapped.

“You really are the craziest bitch I’ve ever met. I want my name normal-sized on your ass cos I will be on dat ass for life” he massaged my ass.

“Why the fuck would I put that shit on my ass, are you stupid. I ain’t putting a white man’s name on my fucking ass, I ain’t your fucking property, I ain’t no slave” I sucked my teeth. K threw his head back in laughter.

“Aight fine, on your chest” He compromised. 

“Nah, that ghetto as hell. I don’t want to see it every time I look in the mirror cos any single time we fight I would have the urge to carve it out of my skin and throw it on your face as you sleep or the something like that” 

“You are crazy, like who would do that, why you gotta throw it on my face... WHILE. I. SLEEP.  the disrespect is taken to a whole other level” he stood there in disbelief.

“My point exactly. If I get a tattoo of your fucking name, I gotta be on crack or something, cos I ain’t doing this shit sober” I walked away from him to continue making us lunch.

“So what you telling me is that I can drug you and then tattoo my name on you” he joked.

“If you ever do that shit I’m beating your ass, it will be onsite” I side eye him hard as fuck it could pierce through his pale ass skin. I start murmuring to myself ‘this boy got my blood pressure raised and shit, now I’m having a fuckin stroke’ 

I hear him laughing ‘akekekekekeke’, the funniest part he thinks I’m playing with him, he holds his stomach like tryna keep his guts from falling out. 

I take a bite out of my sandwich as I watch him laugh himself until he turns red like the air spicy.

I pick up the knife and point it at him and just nod.

He just laughs harder.

                                   ***********

I stretched my neck to the right then to the left, waiting for it to crack. I did the same with my wrist, they cramped up as I continued to write, I’ve been working on assignments since the morning. 

It was mid-afternoon, I looked at my new alarm clock that Kells replaced, I think he stole it from Walmart. I smile to myself thinking about him. He was passed out next to me, he looked years younger as he slept. I was able to study his face more.

His eyelashes were so blonde they almost looked fake. His porcelain face was clear of pimples and pores, it was almost after years of abuse he endured there were no scars left to document it. 

You still saw it in his eyes when he stared off into a distance.

I had a weird urge to kiss him awake, he was supposed to keep me company but got bored real quick once he realized I wasn’t paying him attention. I hated doing this shit anyways. I could use a distraction. I contemplated my options, it was my turn to bother him. 

I immediately shut my textbook and shoved my papers off my bed. I hovered around K and pressed my lips onto his mouth. He emitted unintelligible sounds that I couldn’t make out. I peppered his face, he moved his head opposite not wanting to wake up but I straddled his hips, I felt him shudder under me, with a sudden jolt, I was flipped on top my back where K hovered in front of me.

Without any words, he pressed his lips to mine. I didn’t have to tell him twice. 

“Sasha” he stared into my soul. “If you want it, I need to hear you say yes.”

I closed my eyes, sucking in a wavering breath. Then I gave a small, succinct nod of my head. “Yes,” I whimpered.

His mouth crushed against mine before the word was even completely out of my mouth. I gasped, the sound silenced by his lips connecting around mine; his tongue brushing against my mouth. I reciprocated instantly, instinctively, meeting each stroke of his tongue with a needy force of my own. He tasted sweet, hot and I moaned in pleasure, winding my arms around his shoulders, my blanket falling to the floor. 

One of his hands held my face, holding me in place as he ravaged my mouth, the other hand gripping my waist. I pressed my body tight against his, feeling the hard lines and indentations of his muscles. I could feel his dick hardening underneath his pants against my thigh, with every stroke of his tongue on mine, the tight grip over the curve of my hip and ass; I clung to his shoulders tighter, my own body thrumming with arousal, wetness gathering in between my thighs and a tingling friction emanated from my nipples every time it rubbed against his firm chest.

“Fuck,” he growled into my mouth before I coaxed him into another urgent kiss. He snaked his other hand around my back, slipping them both under the waistband of my panties to cup my bare ass. I groaned in the back of my throat at the smooth texture of his palms, chills tightening my spine when the rough callus on his fingers would scrape against my skin; he hoisted me up against his erection, our hips grinding together as I wound a leg around his thigh, and my groans dissolved into a cry when his hard cock rubbed against my clit.

“Colson” I panted, scratching at his shoulders, tugging at the shirt, struggling to relieve him of the unnecessary barrier. He got the hint and briefly released me before shrugging the shirt over his head. I only had a second to marvel at his broad, solid chest and shoulders, the cut of his hips, the light, coarse hair that circled his navel and dipped below the line of his pants, and then he was back on me, frantically peeling my hoodie off me; capturing my lips in another kiss. “I love when you wear this, you’re mine, my lil brat” He tossed it away from.

My hands traced his naked flesh greedily, mapping the planes of his torso and back as his tongue did the same with my mouth. I was overwhelmed by his taste and texture, by his smell. I was intoxicated. I didn’t care what happened next. I had the most intense pressure throbbing in between my thighs. I knew I would do anything to relieve it, I was a fiend. I reeked of desperation, neediness, and longing.

Rattled, I pushed on his chest to break the kiss. “P-pants,” I gasped, flitting my eyes at the bulge print that outlined in his grey sweatpants. He complied, pushing them down his legs. I reached behind my back and fumbled with the clasp on my bra, immediately releasing the tension and letting it slide down my arms to the floor. I went to remove my panties but paused, wide-eyed, when I realize K was openly, shamelessly leering at my breasts. “What—”

“Fuck, you’re so hot,” he cursed reverently, actually dropping to his knees in front of me to rip off my panties. Moisture flooded my lips; I didn’t think it was possible to be more turned on, but hearing those words fall from his; verbally worshiping me made my pussy even wetter. I fisted the little blonde hair that grew in since I’ve known him, in my hands for balance as he ripped my panties in half, hearing it tear made me bubble with anticipation, then he pulled me lower, closer to meet his waist, gathering me in his arms to draw me back in for another searing kiss that left my lips bruised from the biting nips of his teeth.

He started to lay me backward on my pillows, but I halted him once I was on my elbows, pushing on his chest. We were both breathing heavily, chests heaving, and it took a moment for me to find my thoughts, so lost in the sight of his near-blue-black eyes, red lips and ruffled hair. I shook my head. “I think I should stop” I forced out before I could lose focus again.

He leaned into and pressed his lips to mine, “I promise I got you, I want to make you feel good, let me show how good I can make you feel, don’t you want to remember” He begged. I gave in. I couldn’t stop staring at him, drinking in his glory; the tension over the months was vibrating through my body just at the sight of him, awakened by that first damn kiss.

Most importantly, I couldn’t stop staring at his dick, even hidden by the thin material of his sweats, was thick and hard and bunched up near the waistband.

“Do y—”

“Just touch me already” I groaned, collapsing on my back and lifting my hips closer to him. 

He was on his knees between my legs in an instant, hovering over me; he kissed me again, dipping his tongue into my mouth. "So demanding even when you’re on your back and begging for me,” he teased darkly, his lips spelling the words against my own, and I bit at his tongue indignantly. “Lil brat” he quipped.

“I am not beg—ohh god,” I gasped when he pressed his fingers against my swollen clit, rubbing it through my panties. The friction was delicious, simultaneously relieving the budding pressure between my thighs yet intensifying it.

“That’s not what your body’s telling me,” he murmured, his tone smug; I knew it was apparent to him how wet I was, just by the soaked crotch of my underwear. His fingers continued to move between my legs, leisurely stroking my clit and lips.

He trailed his mouth down my neck, swiveling his wrist with a kiss to my collarbone. When he reached my breast, he swirled his tongue around the stiff nipple and then sucked it between his lips, just as he stretched my panties to the side to slip his hand underneath. The dual sensations were nearly enough to undo my release, and all it took were a few more revolutions of his fingers on my wet clit to send me spiraling. I tried to choke back my moan and failed entirely, throwing my head back repeating his name over and over again.

My heart was pounding as blood rushed through my ears, and my body quaked in the aftermath of my orgasm; it took a while for my body to uncoil, allowing me to relax against the floor. He continued to tease my nipple with his tongue, experimentally dipping two of his fingers inside me before he slowly pushed them all the way inside. I inhaled loudly through my teeth as he stretched me; my walls were still pulsing from my release, and I clenched around him when he delicately curled his finger.

“Well, that was incredibly fas—” he started to say, but I cut him off.

“Don’t say it,” I threatened, weakly closing my eyes so I wouldn’t have to look at his arrogant face. No doubt his ego was bigger than his cock right now; I came way too quickly. But I’d been wound so tightly the last two days, no wonder I snapped so easily. “Don’t say anything if you ever want me to fuck you.”

A short, gruff laugh of amusement rumbled in his chest, vibrating against my sensitive nipples, and I felt my clit throb in response.

He nuzzled his mouth against my ear, “I’m so fucking hard right now, and you cumming so fast makes me wanna explode.”

All I can do was squeeze my eyes back, and groan into his neck, the pressure came back stronger this time. 

                                   ***********

I began squirming in my chair as my wetness became uncomfortable. I feel Colson’s hands part my legs as his fingers travel into my panties. K pulled my thong to the side for easier access. He began rubbing my clit in small circles. I was nervous but excited. I welcomed his expertise but I also wanted to smack the shit out of him. What was he thinking? We were on our first date, about a year later. This is how he wanted to act, in front of the public. I couldn’t take this muthafucka out anywhere.

I hid my face into his neck. He curled his finger in an upward motion. I felt myself get wetter as he pushed a finger in and out of me; I clenched around his sole finger and tried hard not to roll my eyes to the back of my head. He then added two more and began his assault, slowly thrusting his fingers into me.

I tried to pay attention to what he was saying but all I could do was a nod. A faint moan came from me followed by a few coughs. I felt K corner lips tug upwards against my head at my attempt of saving my embarrassment.

He knew I was close to my release.

“What would you like to drink,” the waiter asked us. I looked around the restaurant noticing that no one paid us attention, even though this was a good three inches inside of me. 

I was nudged out of my train of thought by K. I looked at him and he made a motion to the waiter.

It dawned on me that he must have asked for my order, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ignore you”, I admitted with a slight chuckle.

He smiled, “No need to apologize, what would you like to drink?” he asked.

“I’ll just have water, thank you”, I smiled and looked at the menu.

“A sprite and one water for the beautiful girl”. I looked up to find him smiling, I kind of grimaced at him, cos I felt K body stiffen, and small growl emitted from his throat. The waiter winked and left to the kitchen. Shit, did he know what K was doing to me?

I turned to him to find him death staring at the waiter. He then gave me the same look “What?” I stared at his face.

“He was eye-fucking you”, K stated.

“No, he wasn’t, I think he knows you’re fingering me right now” I argued. I felt heat rush from neck to the back of my ears.

“Well let’s ask him”, Colson suggested. I kicked his shin.

“Well if he wants to fuck my girl, at least let me defend you”, He rubbed his leg.

“Stop talking about this, and finish me off”, I pleaded.

“Yeah, I don’t appreciate him hitting on you while I’m tryna make you cum, who the fuck does this motherfucka think he is”, 

“He was being friendly”, I hit him with the damn menu.

K thrusted his fingers deeper inside of me. I bit my lip hard.  He pulled my bottom lip from my teeth with his mouth and licked my lips. “Am I being friendly” he threw back at me, I just rolled my eyes to the back of my head, as I clenched around his fingers pistoling in me, soon my wall started to make sponging sounds.

“Shit, you’re so wet” He whispered as he bit the bottom of my earlobe.

“Yeahhh, I’m so close” I begged him to bring me release.

“That’s it, let go, in front of all these white people, say my fucking name, whose fingers are inside of you right now” he demanded.

I felt myself contracting against his fingers, slipping on to his hands.

My eyes widened as I felt an absence from my pussy.

“Why did you stop” I whined.

“Stop being a brat” he laughed at me.

I felt like I was going to cry.

The waiter came back with the drinks and took our orders of food and left.

“I knew you were going to say yes to this date” K stared at me like I was a piece of meat, and he was a starving lion. He was the survival of the fittest, and honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to devour me right now on this table. 

“Even though you made me wait a year later, I’m going to show you how fun waiting for something you really want actually is”, he slowly said into my ear.

This was going to be a long night.

                                   ***********

I was jolted awake when K was ripped from arms, my eyes shot open.

The lights on my room were on. I was in nothing except in K’s big t-shirt and K was in his boxers. I refocused my eyes in the aftermath. I heard K screaming and my brother-

Shit! My brother? Throwing punches while K tried to defend himself. “YO TRE, WHAT THE FUCK, GET OFF OF HIM” I yelled to get his attention. I jumped and grabbed Tre’s shoulders but I was pushed into the wall behind me hitting my head against it. K saw me hurt, he threw Tre off of him to get to me.

“Don’t fucking touch my sister” I heard Tre growl. Spit was on the side of his mouth, barking orders at us like he was the mean-ass pitbull three doors over. 

Tre grabbed his glock from his waist to point it at K, 

I got up to defend K, I blocked him from Tre by jumping in front of him. 

“Sasha get the fuck out my way” he commanded.

“Back the fuck up Tre, calm the hell down” I tried to diffuse.

“Wait, hold on man” K begged.

“Who the fuck told you to lie with my blood sister, after I fed you, put the clothes on your back, and allowed you to leave in one piece, this is how you repay me, you colorless negro” he pointed his glock manically.

“Do you know what my sister has been through, she is fucking sixteen, are you crazy, do you think I’m stupid”

“Tre, I’m almost 17, he’s only 3 years older than me, it’s not a fucking big deal”

“I haven’t had sex with her, I love her. I’ve been taking care of her” K pleaded his life. He slowly stood up and grabbed my hand, I held on until my own knuckles were white.

“You turning my sister out, she a kid muthafucka” He gritted.

“Tre please stop, it’s not like that. He’s my boyfriend” I tried to touch his shoulder again but he flinched at my touch. I shook both me and K’s hands.

He looked back and forth between me and K. His mouth twitched. His eyebrows relaxed. ‘Please,’ I mouthed to him. “I thought he was raping you, like-

I shook my head violently for him to stop talking. “No no no, Tre you got it all wrong, it's not what it looks like? He uh... started living here... a month ago”

He wiped the bead of sweat that slid down the side of his face. He tucked the glock back in the waist of his paints. 

“Kells, come with me. We’re going to have a conversation” he nodded towards the hallway.

“Tre, please stop” I stare at him knowingly.

I held Kells hand tighter. He gave me look to assure me that nothing was going to happen. That he’ll be okay. He wiped my tears, and brought me to his chest, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and pressed his lips to my forehead, he walked to the living room past both my brother and I.

“You stay here” Tre gave me one of his little demands. I rarely saw him like this, nevertheless it was fuckin uncalled for. This was truly ghetto. I was so fucking embarrassed.

“Please don’t say anything- he doesn’t know yet” I stop him from clothing the door like a little kid. Tre’s demeanor softens a little bit and nods. Tre closed the door on me like I was a fucking child.

I rolled my eyes. I threw my pillow at the wall. He wasn’t supposed to see me like this. I went to the bathroom to clean up. Snot bubbles were on my upper lip. I quickly washed my face. I could see the under lids of my eyes were bright red, and my eyes were bloodshot, the veins were strained because my adrenaline and blood pressure were through the roof. 

I paced back and forth in my bedroom. I couldn’t really hear what they were saying. I was exhausted and nervous. Maybe if I snuck out I could hear better. 

The door opened, I just saw Kells enter the room. I rush to him.

“Are you okay” I kissed his lips. He just nodded. “What did he say to you”

“He wanted to know if I was serious. I told him I was serious as a Muthafuckin heart attack” he chuckled at his joke. I shoved him.

“I’m sorry, this shit was so fuckin extra, he just confused it for something else. He tends to escalate shit for no reason” I stumbled.

“He wants to talk to you” he passed on. I crossed my arms.

“No, I’m so fucking mad right now” I seethed and shook my head.

“C’mon don’t be like that, he walked into his house, to find a grown man sleeping in the same bed as his kid sister, whom he raised. Out of respect of your brother, I understand where he is coming from” he reasoned.

I snorted. “You agree with him, he just tried to kill you” I sat there in awe.

He stood so cool and unnerved, “I’ve been through worse, plus you're worth it all, baby. Don’t you know I’ll do anything not to lose you? I finally got you to claim me as your boyfriend. Girlfriend” he squeezed my sides. 

I laughed with him. “Go talk to him” he smacked my ass, he picked up the pillow I threw earlier off the floor and fluffed it and put it on the bed. He stared at me expectingly and pointed to the door silently after I still stood there not moving. I groaned. “You know he doesn’t own me, I can make my own decisions, he doesn’t trust my judgement of character? I don’t get why he is upset, there is nothing to talk about” Kells made a knowing face. I gave up. 

I dragged my feet down the hall to speak with my brother.

I turned to the corner to see Tre sitting on the couch, legs spread, rolling a blunt on the coffee table.

Hand on hip, “You are gonna clean that up after, right?” I sassed.

“Were you ever gonna tell me” he cut me off.

“Eventually” I stalled.

“You could have warned me before I came here and fucked up ole boy” he chuckled to himself.

“He didn’t hit you back out of respect otherwise it would have been different” I threw back, and he laughed at me like I said the funniest joke.

“I’m just tryna look out for you, make sure you don’t make the same mistakes as me. You think I want to be in the drug business. Hell no. I want you to go to college, travel, be independent, free from this life. I love you, sis. Please don’t get fucking pregnant, that’s all I’m asking” he finished.

“You know after everything you’ve been through, I couldn’t fuckin see anything but red, but that’s over, for the both of us, and you deserve to be happy. I want you to have this, I’m happy for you. You look good” he sucks his teeth.

“Okay” I rolled my eyes.

“Just please be careful” He drew from his blunt. “You gotta stay focused, these men don’t care about you, they just want pussy. I would know” he chuckled to himself.

“You think I don’t know that,” I said matter of factly.

“I fuck with him though. He’s good, he’ll take care of you when I’m not here, be my eyes on you from now on. But if he fucks up Imma kill him” he gets serious at the end.

I laugh at him and this time he doesn’t crack a smile. 

He smiled eventually and patted a spot next to him. I walked over and sat down beside him. He hugged me tightly. “You’re getting older. I love you so much, more than anything, sissy” He kissed my cheek. I felt safe and warm. I was hurt that he left.

“How long are you staying?” 

“Not long. I have a red-eye tomorrow night. I actually got plans to fuck this one bitch from myspace, she at the hotel. So Imma dip soon. Aight. We’ll get some lunch tomorrow or dinner before I’ll leave. Kells is invited too”

“I love you too Tre, you’re my best friend. I missed you. Thanks for always fighting for me.” I hugged him back. I pulled away. “You should call more often, and make sure you use a condom” I smiled and patted his thigh signaling he had some on him.

“Goodnight Sasha” he shoved my shoulder.  I just laughed. 

I said goodbye but before I could close the apartment door, I called out “Tre, thank you for not saying anything to him”

“Not my place, sis, you take however long you need- love you, see you tomorrow” He waved. I locked the door once he went into the elevator.

I walked back to my room, to see K slumped on the bed, knocked out, he was goofy, but I loved to laugh especially with him. My boyfriend.

That was so foreign to say, even in my head. 

This was gonna be interesting.

                                    ***********

I walked into Kells house pissed as fuck. He forgot to pick me up. 

“Yo K, where are you” I shouted.

No one answered. That’s so fuckin weird.

I walked into K’s room to see him slumped on his bed, his arm had red dots in the soft middle part, these bed bugs were feasting on these motherfuckers.

I went to the kitchen to make myself something to eat. Once I was making myself some grilled cheese sandwiches. I hear something in Kells room moving. I ran to his room to see if he was okay.

I saw him convulsing in his bed, I started to freak out. What the fuck do I do? I held his neck to stabilize, I then propped him upside so he could get circulation. He then vomited everywhere on the floor. I was screaming for him to wake up.

Nothing was working. I held him up as he vomited some more. I panicked and called Slim. 

“Slim you gotta help me, I’m the house, K’s passed out, I think he had a seizure, we need to get him to the hospital”

“Stay calm, Sasha, I’ll be there in five minutes”

I go to get ice and a wet washcloth, I continue ringing it over his pale clammy forehead.

Slim and Dub busted through the house.

“In here” I shouted. Slim and Dub were in shock. “Shit this looks bad” Slim put his hands over his head.

“What the fuck did this muthafucka take” Dub yelled at me.

“I just fuckin got here, I don’t know” I started to panic, I felt like there was something they didn’t want to tell me, I felt myself on the verge of tears. 

“Sasha, go bring the car out front, me and Dub are finna carry him to the back seat. He tosses me the keys. I grab an empty trash can.

I do as I am told. I leave the keys in the ignition put the car and park and open then back doors for Slim and Dub.

I sit in the back so that way Kells can lay his head in my lap. 

Slim closes the back door, and Dub and Slim hop in and rush towards the emergency room.

Once we get in the parking lot, Dub runs out of the car before Slim can put it in park, and yells crazily at the staff, next thing I know they pull him from me and put him on a stretcher. I started screaming for someone to tell me what was wrong. They just ignored me. He started convulsing again and I started crying and freaking out. They wouldn’t let me roll down the hall, Slim had to hold me back from chasing him, I cried into his chest.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with him, I thought he was sleeping and then he had a seizure, and then he was vomiting. I’m so scared, Slim, it’s all my fault” he hugged me close to him.

“Everything is going to be okay, this is not your fault. We gotta be strong and think positive” he said calmly.

I sat down on the chairs and the boys sat on either side of me. I put my head in my hands and I could no longer hold my sobs in, everything hurt. I couldn’t see him die. I’ve had so much regret, I was mad at myself that I was mad at him, I was mad for all the missed kisses, all the missed out dates, for all the times I didn’t tell him I loved him, that I was in love with him. I was mad for not seeing it sooner, he overdosed, was this a first time thing, is this a relapse why didn’t he fuckin tell me, did he do it while we were together, there so much I missed because I was too wrapped up in me and my life.

I fell asleep in Ashleigh’s lap, I was startled when the doctor eventually came to talk to us. He said Kells was stabilized and had traces of heroin in his system. 

They allowed us to see him. He was still asleep. I took his lifeless hand and held it to my cheek. Tears ran down my face. I wish he was awake. I just wanted him to tell me he loved me. I didn’t really much believe in God, but I prayed to him to help K heal. I just wanted someone to talk to. To take the pain I had away.

Ashleigh fell asleep and Slim went to get some snacks from the vending machine. I felt his hand squeeze mine, I look up to his face, to see his bright blue eyes.

“What happened”, he hoarsely asked, confused at his surrounding.

I instantly started to cry, I got into bed with him and tucked my face into his neck and started to cry. I didn’t want to lose him like that.

“What’s the matter, baby? Stop crying, it's okay, I’m okay” He consoled me.

I pulled away. He wiped my tears and kissed me on my lips.

“You overdosed, you started to seizure, and vomit, I thought you were napping, if I didn’t come to you Kells, you would have died. Since when did you do heroin” I ran on.

“I’m sorry” was all he could say.

“That’s all you gotta say to me” I demanded.

“What do you want me to say, I ain’t gonna stop” He threw back.

This made me cry more.

“Then do what you gotta do then” I got up from his bed and stormed out. Slim was on his way back.

“You talk to your friend before I smack the shit out of him. He’s awake” 

Slim lit up and he ran into the room and I could hear them hug. Ashleigh woke up and I heard her softly talking to him. 

I cried cos I knew this shit wasn't over, I knew him too well, this wasn’t his first time doing this.

Why would he hide this from me and was he hiding anything else?

                                    ***********

It was moments like this I truly regretted letting people in. They just make you soft and sell you on a dream, but its never action based. 

Kells phone was dead, I haven’t heard from him since we had a huge argument in front of our friends, or should I say his friends since he made it clear no one liked me. I knew that was a fucking lie; I helped Ashleigh and her mom with rent. He’s a fucking drug addict. I can’t avoid it anymore. After the overdose, it was like stepping on eggshells, now it was out in front of me like an ugly pimple waiting to burst.

It’s beens 4 months since the overdose; last week he was off of it cos he was broke until he took money from the stash and bought 1k in heroin which he then nonchalantly said he was gonna flip the rest of it, and give me back the profits and said I was investing in his future. 

I cussed him the fuck out, I couldn’t take it anymore, I’m embarrassed, I told him the truth. Of course it’s an ego thing because he knows he has no money. Usually he’d just wait til get paid for a show he did. But he needed his fix. I just turned 17, I didn’t know what to do, how to make him stop.

He’s not picking up my calls. I haven’t heard from in 4 days, I feel the tears pour from eyes. I should just check him into rehab, maybe we should try to do an intervention again. I sniffle and try to call him again but his phone goes straight to voicemail.

I’m trying not panic but what if something bad has happened.

I try calling any body who will pick up. The boys keep lying for him. I call Ashleigh again.

“Hey Sasha, are you okay”

“He hasn’t come in four days, he is missing, I don’t know what to do”

“Hey, it’s okay Sasha, calm down, let me make some phone calls and I try to find him. Are you feeling okay girl”

“I’m hanging in there, it’s just, Kells is hurting me Ash, he changed, he is not him anymore, I’m scared we’re gonna lose him, Colson is dying” I cry into the phone.

“You are not gonna lose him. Are you by yourself? Do you want me to come over”

“Please, I can’t do this shit alone” I beg.

About 20 mins later Ashleigh knocks on the door, I open the door and she is already on the phone- she hugs me silently. I let her in and lock the door behind us.

“Yeah that would be great, thank you” She hangs up the phone.

“Do you want something to drink?” I ask her. I go into the kitchen.

“Girl, I need some caffeine” she remarks. I make some coffee for the both of us and we sit at the table. She explains to me the hospital will call her back if they have a man or body in K’s description.

“I called 2 other hospitals in the area, they don’t have a body or john does in the emergency room” she sips her coffee.

“Do you think the boys are lying to us about something, maybe we don’t know something” I ask her.

“They wouldn’t lie to me, he’s on bender he’s somewhere they don’t know. They are not showing it but Slim, Dre, and Dub are bent out of shape about this. They hurting too” 

“Is it bad to say that I hate him right now?” I say more to myself than Ashleigh.

Ashleigh shakes her head.

“No, I think the rest of us are used to it, he was doing so good with you Sasha, you have to know that, addiction is life long disease it’s just comes and goes and you have to be strong for him, he was happy with you, the happiest in a while, you are so good for him”.

“I don’t want to leave, I love him so much but he is pushing me away, he lies to me, he has been lying to me, and he’s a completely different person, not the sweet boy I met” I begin to choke up.

“The truth is he has to get over this himself, no matter how many interventions, how many times we threaten him with rehab, it’s not gonna stick, he has to want to pull himself out” she truthfully advised.

“I told him I wasn’t gonna have sex with him until he stopped using, we never had sex, I mean, I was ready and then this shit happened. He is gonna be high for that, it’s fucked up right, that he tries to convince me while he is high, something that is special to me. Kells would have never done that before he over-” I trail off and start crying. He ruined this, he ruined us. 

Ashleigh came to hug me, I just remembered how pissed he was every time I told him to stop when things got heated between us. I cried cos he was visibly angry, yelling, shouting, then storming out the house.

“Did I tell you that the other day I threw the fuckin drug down the toilet and he hit me, kept swinging, so I got mad and started kicking him and then Slim and Dre were holding us back from each other. We just fight, and fight, and fight. That’s all we do. I can’t leave him like this, but I’m hurting so much” I try to stop crying but snot comes from nose. I just feel so drained. I’m so angry at myself for letting this happen to me. 

I cried so much, I told him I was leaving. I told him I was done. I didn’t mean it. But he broke down on his knees and begged me to not go. I remembered how weak he sounded, it was desperation and deprivation. 

“Ash, I believed he wanted to change, we need to do an intervention for him” I begged and wiped my tears.

“Sometimes you need to cut him off, if he wants to waste everyone’s time, he’ll do it. You’re babying him, my mom is not talking to him right now, she hates this, she won’t allow him to be in the house. You have to put your foot down. Sometimes he needs tough love, to see what he takes for granted”

“Please just think about it”. 

She nods at me.

We get ready for bed, I sleep on the couch like I have been doing just in case he comes back home, I wait for him.

I nod off for a couples of hours, I’m awoken by voices and hear Slim and Dre’s voice, and then Ashleigh’s arguing in a hushed tone. I rub my eyes.

“Where’s K” I say.

“In the room” Slim points.

I walk into my room to K in groggy state, he is trying to take he shoes off, he can barely keep his eyes open.

“Baby why did you leave me like that?” I ask him softly and he ignores me. “Kells where did you go, please tell me” I sobbed.

I tried to hug him but he pushed me away from him. 

“What’s wrong Kells talk to me, are you okay” I tried to rub his arm. He grabbed my wrist really tight, to the point it was gonna bruise later.

“Get off of me Kells, let go of me” I tried to yank my hand.

“Where is my shit bitch” is all he grumbles out as he pulls my wrist and body towards him and grabs my throat, choking me. I can’t scream but I’m losing air, I’m swinging my body trying to make any noise, he is now using both of his hands, I start panicking. I kicked over my lamp and Dre came running in.

“What the fuck Kells” Dre yelled- for help as he tried to get Kells. Once Slim came, Dre broke me free of Kells grip. I fell to the floor and hit the back of my head on the corner of my bed frame, I felt instant pain. Ashleigh came to me and I saw her hand red with blood, I was crying and crying and I quickly pushed myself away until I hit the wall. Kells was still trying to attack me throwing stuff off the night stand at me. 

Ashleigh helps me up and I turn to him “That’s it Colson. I’m done, get the fuck out of here now. I fucking hate you. Get out now” I start screaming. 

Dre and Slim were trying to calm me and Kells down. Ashleigh just rushed me out the room, and Kells tried to chase after me and I flinched.

I heard yelling from my room and I just curled into the couch in a fetal position and cried and cried and cried, until I fell asleep.

I woke up around the afternoon. I touched my head and the gash was still wet. I turned around to see that Kells was sleeping on the other side of the couch while everyone was by him watching so he wouldn't overdose. Everyone was still asleep.

I got up and felt really dizzy. I brushed my teeth and washed my face carefully trying to not touch the gash.

I started to clean all the glass and stuff that Kells broke from my room. I fill a large black trash bag with shit, the tears started to flood at the blood on my carpet. 

I heard Kells come from behind me and I instinctually jumped from him- he raised his eyebrows at me, I had unshed tears in my eyes.

“What’s wrong baby” he seemed so concerned.

“Do you remember last night, or the past five days in general” I say to him.

He tries to really think but I can tell he is having hard time.

“You hit and choked me last night cos you thought I touched your drugs. I fell so hard I have fucking gash in my head. If you love me, you wouldn’t do this to me Kells, this is what the drugs are doing to us”

“That’s not true, if you would just try some you would understand where I am coming from Sasha, you never support me”

“Colson I don’t give a fuck anymore, I’m done, you hear me. I leaving you. This is over. I can’t do this anymore with you. I don’t want to. I love you too much to watch you kill yourself. I can’t, you’re killing me, I don’t want to hate you”

“Baby please, think about what you’re saying, I’ll take you to the hospital right now, I’ll be better. I can’t do this without you, I love you so much, you are the reason I’m still here”

“That’s not true you only care about your next high. You don’t give a fuck about me, Ashleigh dropped out of college for you, she was almost done,  Dre and Slim are fucking sacrificing so much for you. You’ve got to pull it together if not for yourself, or for me, but for them. You are wasting your dream on temporary happiness. I know your life is hard, but you are making it harder right now”

“They always leave, everyone. I can’t make anyone stay” it was cold and hard. His eyes turned into a brittle icy blue.

Something broke inside of me. 

“It’s either me or the drugs, choose now or we’re done” I looked at him dead in the eye.

“You, I choose, you, I choose Slim, Dre, Ashleigh. I’m so sorry” He begged me on his knees kissing my hand. 

I believed him again. I’d always believe him. He stopped shooting up, or that’s what he told me. It didn’t stop him from acting secretive, he hid stuff from me.

About 2 weeks later he ended up moving in with Slim.

“I need my own space Sasha, it will be good for us, for my recovery, we need some distance and I want to focus on my music” he started packing his clothes.

I started to cry, we just started to get back to normal.

“You don’t love me anymore?” I whimpered.

“No, why would you think that. My stuff is just gonna be with Slim, I just need some independence is all, I need to get back on my own two feet, I’ll still sleep over here most nights, but I just need to some space baby, my own thing”

He kissed my cheeks and wiped my tears, and hugged me. Once he left, I was left confused and alone. I was silent with my own thoughts, and I couldn't stand hearing the voice in my head telling me I wasn’t good enough for him. 

It’s been 3 days and I barely spoke to K, he tried so hard to get me and now that I’m in love with him he doesn't even care, I cried myself to sleep.

Why does this feel hard, isn’t it supposed to be simple when people love each other, you’re not supposed to feel empty and hurt like this. 

He texted me in short responses as if I wasn’t what he wanted anymore. I thought he was happy with me. Guess not anymore. 

I was trying to do homework but I kept crying. I fucking hated school. I hated myself even more. I just wanted to go to sleep forever. I was changing. I never had time to think, it was just go and survive, and for the first time Kells taught me to laugh and live in the moment. I trusted him enough that I could feel and love him, and trusted that he loved me too. I felt like we were broken ever since he started to get sober again. He resented me for making him get sober. I knew it. Maybe he didn’t want to disappoint me, maybe he didn't want me to leave him so he was gonna lie and hide things from me. 

Maybe I’m just being paranoid, and still very hurt since his relapse. I read all the addiction help books I could get my hands on and the affects it has on loved ones. What we both went through was traumatic so I could see why we both were handling it differently. 

I was so angry too, for letting myself fall for the false dreams he sold me. Was any of it true, or did he just want to fuck me, maybe he realized I wasn’t worth the effort. 

I heard the door trying to open, I got scared, I turned off all the lights and got the gun under my bed, and hid in in my closet. 

My bedroom door swung open and Kells was drunk as hell. He kicked his shoes off and jumped the bed “Sasha” he yelled my name.

I opened the closet and he had a slow reaction, he put his hands up like he was doing Karate and jumped in the air awkwardly.  

I put the gun away, “Sorry I knew you had a key, you’ve never taken that long to open the door”

He raised an eyebrow, he tried to take his shirt off but was too drunk so I helped him get undressed, with his socks and jeans. I took off his rings and chain. I got a cool damp wash cloth and a glass of water. He drank the water as I patted his forehead. I could tell he was falling asleep. He set the empty glass on the nightstand and dozed off. 

I finished my homework and got ready for bed. I had to leave to go to school in the morning.

This routine began to be repeated for weeks, we barely saw each other. 

I didn’t want to bring up anything serious because I didn’t want him to think I didn't trust him and then relapse because I provoked him or triggered him with a fight; I was trying to uplift and support his sobriety as best I could. 

But I knew something was up. Destiny and Ashleigh were acting mad weird, they got real quiet when I mentioned Kells or would change the subject. Slim and Dre stopped coming to the apartment to chill. 

As soon as I claimed him, he had to start acting up. 

Maybe my brother was right.

Maybe Kells only liked me because he had to chase me and once the thrill ended, so did his love.

I was scared to ask him.

                                    ***********

I was walking out from class and searched for K’s beat-up car. I got inside. He was counting stacks.

“Hi baby, damn where did you get all that money?” I asked him in a very non-accusatory way. 

“Don’t worry bout it” he snapped. I sat there in absolute awe of his audacity. I had no idea where that anger came from, especially directed at me. He barely talked to me anymore and when he got into these moods I just shutdown. I didn’t want to fight. I tried not to internalize but it hurt me a lot. I wasn’t gonna talk to him if he wasn’t gonna talk to me.

He drove to his and Slim’s apartment. He looked over at me but I ignored him.

“If you gon have an attitude, you can get the fuck out my car” he abruptly barked. I raised an eyebrow. I was calm but now I fuming. He then stopped the car in the middle of the road. And then waited for me to get out. I looked at him like he was crazy. 

“Fine” I slammed his door hard as fuck. I continued to walk my ass home, to my apartment.

Kells followed me slowly as I walked with the window rolled down.

“Yo, I’m sorry I was trippin’ Sasha. Just get back in the car” he begged me a familiar voice, but lately it was only a mask. 

I rolled my eyes and ignored him. I didn’t care how cold it was. I was mad he was mad.

“Aye bitch c’mon, I ain’t got time to play these games” he said angrier. 

I was lucky it was cold, cos my tears wouldn’t fall since it was so cold. I realized how annoying and persistent K is. I knew his obsessive ass would just follow me until I got in the car anyways. So I got in the car. 

“I want to go home,” I said in a drained voice.

“Nah we going to my place” he quipped. 

“K I’m not in the mood” I spit.

“You gon do, what I say” he demanded.

“Why you always controlling me. I said I want to go home” I stared at him.

“Listen, I am sorry, I didn’t mean to snap and take it out on you but I am short for rent, I need to buy equipment. I just have a lot of people depending on me. I didn’t mean to hurt you” he squeezed my thigh.

I visibly relax, I stare at him to try to see if he is lying. I believe him. 

“That’s all you had to say, I can help if you want” I offer and hold his hand. 

“You don’t have to, I don’t want to put that on you” he looks at me with guilt in his eyes. 

“You’re my boyfriend, I’ll always try to help you. We have this same conversation every single time. How do you expect us to last if you can’t trust me with how you feel and what you need, you stopped talking to me ever since you relapsed and I miss you, I want my boyfriend back” I started to cry and all my feelings came out like pandora’s box.

“I do trust you, I tell you things all the time, I’m not going anywhere” he promised.

“Colson, you put your hands on me, you hurt me, and then you left me when I tried to help you get sober, you left me by myself, and when you do come you’re drunk, you just changed, we changed. I thought I made you happy but I think you hate me now for making you choose me over your addiction” my chest racks with sobs.

“You make me happier than you know, some times I don’t think I deserve you, I just don’t want to let you down again. I promise I will never touch you like that again. I’m really sorry for everything I put you through, I never meant to hurt the only person I truly love. You know I love you right” he brings my hand and opens my palm to kiss the inside. 

“I love you too, I’ve loved you for a long time K, I’m in love with you” I stared at him. 

“See I told you were gonna fall in love with me, I fell in love with you the moment I met you”

I squeezed his hand.

“So how much money do you need?” I wiped my tears. 

“You don’t have to do this” he gave me an out. 

“I want to, I don’t like it when you're stressed out” I brushed his hair back.

“I love you so much, you know that” he stared at me like the sweet boy I met.

He kissed me with so much force, I thought my lips would bruise.

“K you driving” I pull away from him quickly. He just laughs at me.

Once we stopped by the apartment, I took out the cash that would pay for his rent, studio equipment, and software. I was going to be a silent investor. I did it for him, cos I believed he would get us out. It didn’t matter to me because I was doing it for someone I loved.

                                    ***********

I looked around Irv’s crib, the beats they were playing almost made paper-thin walls shake. The air reeked of backwoods, weed, 40′s, and Hennessy.

I was high and tipsy. We were all laughing and I was spitting out my sunflower seeds into a red solo cup. Kells was dancing with Slim and Dub. His phone was buzzin’ out of control. So I answered it for him.

“Kells, I need you to come over, you told me that you would be here, that you’d be here for me and the baby,” a woman said in a rush.

I felt sick. A baby. Everyone looked blurry. Wetness coated my cheeks, was I crying? I was trying to hold it in. I hated looking weak. I started putting the pieces together. 

K was cheating on me. 

The whole time.

I thought I was different.

I thought I meant more to him than just sex, I thought he loved me the way I loved him. No wonder everyone was acting weird around me. 

K got a girl pregnant on me.

I dropped his blackberry on the floor, I had to leave. 

“What the fuck-”  he looked at my face. He knew. He didn’t have to say anything.

I could see everyone knew I knew. I was a fuckin fool, I was lookin’ stupid as hell. How could he do that to me? I thought he loved me. I turned on my heal, paced to the door but Kells ran to block me from leaving.

“Just get out of my way” I lightly pushed him but he wouldn’t budge. Tears swelled in my eyes. He could see my pain. He was panicking but I wanted to run, run away so far. My mom was right, my dad was right, the voice in my head was right. I was unlovable and it was my fault. 

“No, lemme explain” He reached for my hands but I jerked away from his touch. Tears poured from ducts. I began to uncontrollably sob, I was so embarrassed. 

“I need to go home” I raised my hand to scratch my forehead with my acrylic nail and the other hand gripped my hip.

“C’mon Sasha” he went touch my upper arm.

“Please don’t touch me” I flinched and stumbled back and hit the wall. 

“Stop being a bitch and tryna leave me, I’m fucking talking to you” he cursed at me.

I lost it. I started pounding on his chest. To let me leave. I was saying anything that would hurt him. Slim tried to pick me up. I pushed him away from me.

“No, don’t touch me” I walked away. 

“All of you lied for him” I pointed at them. “You had my best friend lying for you” I pushed at K’s chest repeatedly. “When were you going to tell me K, huh? How long?” I pushed him back.

I was met with silence.

“Get the fuck out of my way, I don’t want to be here” I screamed at his face.

“I am not letting you go. It was an accident” he finally spoke up. He pulled me by my bicep into an isolated room so no one could hear us. I shook him off of me.

“Lower your fuckin voice, stop your shit” Kells yelled at me and closed the door behind him. 

“Don’t tell me what to do, I don’t understand how you accidentally fell into some pussy. An accident is something that happened that was beyond your control, you wanted to fuck her you did this on purpose”

“Well maybe if you’d let me fuck I’d wouldn’t have to fuck other bitches” he sneers.

I snapped my neck, I nodded my head slowly. 

“BITCHES... as in plural, you are blaming this on me?” I stared at him wide-eyed. “Wow K, I know for a fact you ain’t dumb, you out here making me look stupid as fuck” I threw my hand in his face.

“You have me giving you money when you gettin’ other bitches pregnant. You planning baby showers.... with her” I motion to his phone. I rubbed my temples. I looked at Kells in disgust. “You don’t love me, you don’t want me. You just using me, I never gave you pussy and you still here, not cos you love me but because you just waiting to fuck and leave” I threw back at him.

I shook my head while he just stared silently at the wall. You know what..... fuck this! He wants me to have sex with him, tell him what's up, let's see how he really feels after this. You’re gonna regret this. I bit my lip. “Do you know why I am not ready to have sex yet Kells, you really wanna know. It’s because I was molested by Mom’s boyfriend. Four years. She didn’t believe me. My brother walked on him one day and killed him. He started when I was 5 Kells, why you think my brother almost shot you, cos he thought..... you were hurting me” I stared emotionless, cos what was the point of feeling or living at this point. 

Here I thought I found someone who would love me and make me forget that shit ever happened to me. I dryly laugh at his reddened face, his eyes hurt, his eyebrows furrowed. “I never wanted to tell you, cos look at how you are looking at me. I wanted you to love ME, I wanted to get better for you, but I can’t have sex the way you want me to. I’m too fucked up. It was my fault; just like you gettin that girl pregnant, right?” 

“I’m tired Kells, I just want to go home” my voice cracks, I felt so alone, I wanted to go before I started to cry again, I sat on the bed in silence, watching him process everything. 

This room was too small, I was starting to itch, I needed to go, I couldn’t let him scrutinize me any longer. I couldn’t do this anymore.

I knew what this was. It was a clear sign we were done. I got up to walk out the door before I opened it he spoke. “I’m glad Tre killed him cos I would have if he were still alive”. I paused.

He breathed in deeply “I’m sorry I ain’t shit, baby I’m so sorry I didn’t know” he croaked. He went to hug me but I pushed him away.

“Move, Kells,” I said quietly. I was done. I turned off, suppressed it, whatever I felt before disappeared. I was numb and lost. 

My mother was right all along. I wasn’t good enough. 

“C’mon you’re drunk, just stay with me, I’ll take you home in the morning”

I felt like I didn’t have a choice. I didn’t feel safe. I just wanted to go home. So I avoided Kells’ arms and went back to the bed to forget everything that just happened.

I heard him walk out and close the door behind him.

Then I let my tears fall until I fell asleep.

                                    ***********

I spent the first few weeks ignoring his calls.  Laying in bed, cutting everyone from my life. Questioning if he even wanted me or wanted to be with Emma, his baby momma. 

He made a daughter with someone else. That was supposed to be me, my child. We talked about kids.

I couldn’t get up from bed, I couldn’t even go to school. I couldn't bring myself to eat. I avoided looking into mirrors because than I would have to face the cold hard ugly truth. That I still wanted him. That I felt insecure, not good enough, worthless. K shouldn’t be with someone so damaged like me. 

I was beyond repair. He deserved someone nice, pretty, and innocent. Not a whore like me, not damaged goods. I was afraid that he would eventually see me how I saw myself. Pathetic, unloved, and unwanted.

It was my fault for believing someone like me could have good have things. All I felt was shame for telling the truth, for telling him what I went through. I wish I could hide from what happened and suppress the memory, like I was so good at doing, shutting it off and being numb. But my chest felt heavy as if it happened yesterday. K came over to check on me much to my bipolar dismay and happiness.

“I am mad I did this to you” he brushed back the strands of hair that covered my face. I didn’t really say anything to him. What else was there to say.

“I want you, and I know you still want me” he croaked. He carefully brushed my tears away, I could almost forget the pain.

“I’m hurt” I coarsely responded. “I’m hurting real bad” I broke down in tears. He held me as sobs racked my body. I cried in a fetal position. He continued to apologize. I wondered the more he apologized, would I become desensitized?

“Don’t be sorry for making her, she don’t deserve that”

He nodded. “I’m sorry that my actions hurt you” he re-worded. “It’s not the same without you, girl” he blurted.

“You are my friend, I don’t wanna stop loving you. You the only one I trust most days, whose in my corner. I fucked up, I’m taking accountability and owning up to the things I’ve done like a man. I am not perfect. I just... I realize I love you more than myself, no one wants to lose their girl, you my heart, you have my heart no one but you Sash. If you want me gone I leave but I’m not going down without a fight” he wiped a tear from his face.

“I don’t want you to leave and that’s the problem” I looked into his eyes.

He grabbed my neck and brought his lips to mine. I forgave him just as quickly. I still stayed with him. I don’t know why but I felt lost without him. I didn’t want to imagine my life with him, not in it.

Months passed and Emma finally gave birth to Casie. She was the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen. I wasn’t allowed to hold her or be in the room with Emma, she hated the fact K still wanted to be with me, I felt horrible about the situation, the guilt ate at me whenever I heard Casie’s name. 

Emma wasn’t feeling me and demanded that I wasn’t allowed near Casie.

K was dating Emma too, up until I find out. Emma didn’t know, I didn’t blame her. It was what it was. There was no time to change what happened. I tried to be understanding. I didn’t want to break up with K, therefore, I had to move on from the past.

I couldn’t change what he did. I just had to deal with it. 

Eventually, Emma got over it too, she was actually.... nice. She let me babysit Casie while Kells was at work and she was at class at her college. Since K semi-lived with me and wanted to be with Casie at all times, Emma moved in with us. She could no longer live on campus with Casie. 

I learned to love them, they were my family in some weird blended way. But it worked. We went through so much together. 

I really did love him and I was ready to show him that.

                                    ***********

I continued to rinse my body from the soap, I set my washcloth down, I turned off the water and began to towel dry. I walked into my room drying my hair. 

K had my baby oils in his hands.

“Hi baby” He smirks knowingly. I sigh and move towards the dresser grabbing the lotion. Kells snatches it out of my hands.

“You just gonna ignore me like that,” he says.

“Yes, give me back the lotion, I’m not playing around with you. I don’t want to be ashy” I rolled my eyes.

“Get on the bed, I’m finna give you a massage from head to toe. I want you to relax” He kisses my neck.

“I have to detangle my hair first” I give in.

He playfully takes my hand and leads me to my bed. He grabs some conditioner and runs it through my thick tresses of curly hair.

I sighed. He tentatively combed through it, the feeling reminded me of when my grandma combed through my hair when I was a child. It was a very intimate moment between Kells and I. Sharing a part of me. Knowing that he doesn’t know anything about black hair and how it’s one of our sacred pillars. But he’ll learn with the help of me and Emma, cos now he has Casie.

“You know I love you, right?” He rhetorically asked. I sighed. I felt my self relax under his ministrations.

“Yeah” I moaned. I closed my eyes leaning into his warm hands. I felt safe with him.

“I know baby, I’m going to take care of you” I could feel his smirk radiate off his face. We sat in comfortable silence as he worked his way through my tangled curls.

“All done” He pressed a kiss on my shoulder. He set down the comb and gestured for me to lay on my stomach. 

He trailed up my calves.

He then gives me a paper plate of strawberries.

“Dipped Chocolate strawberries with a chocolate drizzle, special order.”

“Did you make this?” I laugh at him “Wow you really are crazy”

He sets the plate by the nightstand. He leans down and picks up one of the plump strawberries, taking and rubbing it over my lips, moistening them with its juices.

“Is this what you were planning, I been told you I am ready to have sex, I don’t need all this extra shit, you know”

He lowers his voice and leans in close to me. “Bitch Imma cater to your every need…” and here he pushes the tip of the strawberry into my mouth slowly, “but I’m kind of selfish cos I love tasting your lips after you’ve eaten fruit and chocolate.”

I bite down slowly, eyes never leaving his. Once I finish swallowing, he kisses my lips sensually. Capturing my tongue with his, I’m so happy my white boy has lips.

“Now, I know you think you can just walk in here and take me…” he jokes seductively. I start to laugh, but he silences me with a quick, chaste kiss on my lips.

“But I want you to relax fully so I can finally fuck this…” he slaps my left ass cheek “juicy ass of yours. Help me, help you” he smacks the right cheek playfully.

He then lightly run his fingers over my eyelids, instructing me to close my eyes. I give in. He leans down so his mouth is right next to my ear.

“Don’t move, except to finish off these strawberries. I’ll be right back.”        

I stay true to my word by not peaking and eating my strawberries. I hear Kells moving around the room. Music begins to play ever so softly, some sultry R&B music to set the mood. As I’m about to pick up a strawberry, it’s taken from my hand.

K then lowers it to my lips, once again tracing it slowly along my upper and lower lip. Then, he drags it down my chin, under my jaw, down my neck. He moves the delicacy slowly, teasingly, my lips part and tilts my head in the opposite direction, baring my neck to him. Sucks on the juices that have dripped on to my neck, sucking the flesh just enough to leave redness.

“Sasha, open your eyes.”

I look at him longingly. He brings the strawberry up to his mouth, where his tongue circles it once before placing the entire berry inside of his mouth and slowly drawing it back out again. Then, he moves it back into my mouth and slides it slowly in about halfway.

“Eat, Sasha.”

I take a bite, and chocolate and strawberry juice leak out on my lips and chin. He gets down on one knee beside me, leaning down and licking me clean with his mouth, slowly, carefully, giving me time to swallow the bite I’ve taken before he moves to kiss me fully on the lips again. After a few seconds, he breaks off, placing the rest of the strawberry in my mouth for me to eat. He drops the stem on the nightstand, then wiping the remaining saliva that he left with a warm washcloth.

He catches my chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting my head up and back so I can look him into his darkened irises.

“I have been thinking all day about ways to fuck you over and over and over”

My eyes never leave his. “What are you waiting for?”

“I want you completely relaxed, so I’m gonna massage every inch of you.”

I sigh in content.

“Everything about you just makes me want to be inside of you”

He asks me to scoot up on the bed and lay across the middle so he’ll have room to work. As I get into position, he leans over to the nightstand and grabs the baby oil.

I flip my head to one side, bringing my arms to rest my head.

He opens the bottle and pours some of the oil onto my back, making me flinch at the coldness of the liquid. He climbs onto the bed and straddles my butt. I feel his hard-on pressed against my ass. He places his hands in the middle of my back and begins slow, smooth strokes, pushing gently and working in symmetrical patterns on either side of my spine.

He kneads out whatever knots he finds in my shoulders and neck, and really massage my entire back. He makes sure to keep using plenty of the oil. I’m starting to fall into a deep state of calmness. Once the oil been spread through my arms, ass, and legs, stomach. From front to back. He turns me again on my stomach. He switches to a warming oil placing his hands on both of my hips, deep pressing massage of both of my ass cheeks. He leaves no part of them untouched – from the swell at my lower back to their outer edges where they wrap into my hips to the defined slope that meets the top of my thighs and to the thin crack, he spends lots of time working them with his fingers and palms. He slips his hands down my body and massages my pelvic bones and where my thigh meets the flesh part of my pussy. Ghosting around the area of where I want him the most.

With a generous amount of the oil, he starts to work on my legs again. Moving his way down from my ass to my feet, he lovingly and deliberately caresses every inch of my right leg, pushing, kneading, pressing as he goes. Once he finishes the back of my right leg, he changes the position so he is closer to my feet. He bends my right leg, bringing that foot up to his eye level. He steadily and with great care gives me a prolonged foot massage. He makes sure to massage each and every toe, in between my toes, my heel, the bottom of my foot, the arch, the top – everywhere. When he is satisfied with his work on my right foot, he gently lays that leg down and repeats the process on my left one. I was starting drift into some type of place between heaven and earth.

He finishes back at the base of my ass and straddles me once more, leaning down close to my ear.

“So, how did that feel?”

“Mmmmm, gooood,” I half reply, so focused on his hands.

I lie before him, naked, he just sits staring at me for a couple of minutes. He refocuses and stands at the side of the bed and reaches out for his hand for me. “Wanna help me get comfortable?” I grin.

He smirks at me. I roll over toward him, immediately going the band of his underwear. He lets his hands wander over my hair, shoulders, face, and head as I shed him of his piece of clothing,

“What can I say? Less is more sometimes.” He jokes.

I shake my head and laugh. As I remove his underwear, it not even over his ass before his erection springs straight out, practically jumping into my mouth. He kicks the boxers away. I lean forward, mouth open, tongue sticking out, and lap his head twice. He pushes my head back while leaning his hips away from me. 

“Not yet,” he reprimands.

I frown just a bit but play along. He pushes me back down onto the bed.

He oils up once more and positions himself again toward my legs and feet, but this time he spread my legs just enough so he can kneel in between them. With one hand on each leg, he renews my massage, slowly and steadily working my way up to my inner thighs. He clamps his hands firmly on the tops of my thighs and blows cool air on my heated core. He trails his hands firmly up my thighs and back to my hips.

My hips are bucking up, pressing into his hands, arching to get that much closer to his face, his mouth, his tongue. He takes one finger and swiftly moves it along my slit, past my opening, and down into my crack. I gasp softly, eager for the feel of something hard against my apex.

“Not yet,” he whispers roughly.

I groan in response. His ministrations intensify, squeezing and pulling on my flesh everywhere surrounding the one place we both want him to touch. He brings himself higher up my body and lets his hands travel my abdomen. He uses flat hands and broad strokes on my ribs and stomach.

He purposefully ignores my breasts as he works even higher, just to tease me some more. He moves to my arms, using both hands first on one then the other. When he gets to my fingers, he massages each one individually. When he is finally finished with my thumb, I practically rip my hands out of his.

“You done, yet?”

He laughs softly, pleased to see me worked up, “Not yet,” he replies once again.

I’m not happy. “Kells, you are petty…” I begin in my most frustrated tone yet. He stops my words with his mouth, but firmly pressing, nipping and inviting my mouth to silence. He pulls away, moving his hands to either side of my hair, threading my fingers close to her scalp. 

“Close your eyes,” he whispers whisper.

He massages my scalp, forming small circles with each of his fingers as I slowly rotate my spread hands around my head. I moan, satisfied temporarily – He knows how much I enjoy this particular feeling.

He pulls his hands from my head, leaning down to kiss me lightly on my cheeks and temples, and then whispering in my ear, “I hope you’re still hungry. I know I am.”

He scoots me over onto the bed as he lays in the middle, lifting me onto his body, gesturing me to sit on his face. He pushes my back down so I’m face to face with his erect cock.

“Do you see how hard I am? Thinking of my dick in your mouth? I can’t wait to feel you lick me. I only want to feel your mouth. No hands allowed. Not yet.”

I crane my neck just slightly so I can capture his cock with my lips. He lowers my pussy onto his face and dives in with his tongue. He places his hands on both ass cheeks spreading them, as his tongue thrust in and out of my center.

I’m so wet. He moans loudly as continues his assault. He begins to suck and lick my soft, fleshy pink folds, lapping them with his tongue. He let his chin rub my clit a few times, causing me to grind into his face as I open my mouth wide enough to gasp loudly while his cock still fills my mouth. He stops for a moment when I begin bobbing my head up and down, taking more of him into my mouth. He then buries his face in my pussy as he uses his tongue to attack my clit. I cry out shaking the muscles in my thighs.

He sits me up so that I can release his cock in my mouth. He takes his fingers and plunges two of them into me without warning. Sitting on his face like this made me feel so vulnerable. I cry out, loudly, begging for more. Kells responds by pumping his hand in and out of me in a slow but forceful rhythm. At the same time, he uses his other hand to start rubbing my clit, gradually building up speed and pressure. His tongue licks my second hole, the feeling is strange but it feels so good since his tongue is so close to my pussy. He licks the bridge between the two holes making me convulse.

I kept grinding into his face as his fingers and tongue work furiously.

“You are so fucking hot. I want to feel you cum all over my fingers. That’s it”

Once I grab his thighs to keep me from falling, he curls his fingers inside of me now. He pulls his fingers out quickly and leaving me stranded. As he lifts me off of his face, I look at him with utter confusion, rapidly changing into frustration.

I go to finger myself but he grabs me by the wrist. “Not yet. Trust me.”

He flips me over onto my side and curling my body in on itself, almost in a fetal position. He snakes one hand in between my legs and up to my slick center as he quickly opens the drawer of the bedside table and starts pulling items out.

I try to look over my shoulder at what he is doing, but he slides me toward the edge of the bed, my ass in his view. He uses his hand to start bringing my wetness down and over toward my ass, up to my crack, toward my back hole.

He keeps his left hand busy stroking me and teasing my clit. He flips open the cap on the lubricant and pours it on my ass crack.

He runs his hand up and down my crack, spreading the lubricant as he moves. He adjusts my legs giving him a clear view of my anus. He rubs his hand all over my ass and hip.

“Kells, I really, really need to come right now.”

He used both hands to part my legs enough so he can slide a finger inside me once again. “Not yet, love. Not yet.”

I clench my thighs around his hand.

“Squeeze you’re nipple for me.”

I obey. My hand starts squeezing my breast and pinching my nipple. He slowly starts to slide something in my ass. It was small and cylinder-like. Maybe a candle.

“Oh! Mmmmmm! Mmmhhh!”

I was making so many sounds. He slowly began to slide the small object in and out, making sure to not lose his grip on it.

“Do you like that, Sasha? Do you like feeling something up your ass like that?”

“Yes,” I breathe out.

“I love filling up your ass.”

He plays with this small thing another minute or two. He pulls out the object and positions something fleshy and thick at my entrance. He presses gently, just barely entering me. I gasp a bit and he stops but doesn’t pull out. He then sticks two fingers from his other hand thrusts them into my pussy and fingering me again. I moan loud again, and I writhe in reaction, I actually push my ass against his finger and it slides in a bit more.

The feeling is intense, even with just his pinky. It’s so tight. It feels too good. I try not to wiggle, but his fingers gently working together, getting deeper and deeper, a bit at a time. It’s all the way in.

He squeeze my ass with the rest of his hand as his pinky backs out just a touch and then slides in again. With his other hand, he repositions so he can put his fingers inside my pussy and use his thumb on my clit. His three fingers felt so amazing, filling me up.

He starts pumping his fingers in and out of my pussy and his pinky thrusting in my ass. The feeling gets to be too much, filling me up and all my senses occupied. I was a mess. I was drenching his fingers I was so turned on.

“I love having my finger up your ass.”

“Me too” I try to get out. I was so distracted by his fingers, everything felt so right, so good.

He continues pumping his fingers in and out of me and just using his pinky to exert the right amount of pressure.

I can’t help but let my mind think about how nasty this is, he was filling two of my three holes at the same time.  

“I wanted to fill you up tonight.”

He slowly pulls out his pinky out of my ass and then frees his other hand from my folds as well.

“Come sit on my face again.”

I do what I’m told. He sits me down so that my knees are on either side of his head, and I’m holding my weight up by palming the bed. He uses his thumb to circle my clit. Then, he slides his thumb down my slit, and into my pussy, pressing his hand so that his fingers push firmly into my crack.

He continues to work his thumb in and out of me. He gets harder.

“Take my cock in your mouth.”

I lick his dick from its base to the tip and he moans in pleasure.

His moans encourage me and coax me to take more of him. My free hand comes up to grab his shaft and he shudders as my head disappears into my wet, warm mouth. I moan in pleasure, and he squeezes my pussy in response. All our movements gain speed and intensity as we work on each other.

I hiss softly as I feel him suck the skin of my inner thigh, at the same time I clench my pussy around his thumb.

He slowly, gently starts inserting his middle finger up my ass. I’m so turned on knowing that I had his cock in my mouth while his finger up my ass, his thumb in my pussy.

“Come on, my little slut, show me who is Daddy’s girl, show me whose pussy this is.” He pushes my head forward a little, forcing more of his throbbing cock in my mouth. “I can feel you squeezing my thumb, getting wetter and wetter.” He buries his thumb as deeply into me as he can. “And I can’t tell who enjoys my finger up your ass more – me or you.”

I’m grinding onto his hand, hard, and my mouth is working him furiously. He pushes into me in all three places at the same time, and tightens his grip on my hair as well. I’m close, so close. I feel my wall tighten. My thighs jerk and shake, with waves of pleasure that follow, and then finally I release.

He then inserts a butt plug into my ass.

I’m gasping now, my head collapsed on my upper arm, my eyes closed. I’m so relaxed, I feel like jelly.

Slowly he pulls his thumb out. I still haven’t said anything, and I’m lying there, trying to figure out how to breathe again. I feel him lift me off his body, pulling me to the center of the bed.

He then gets something from the drawer.

He spoons me, lying as close to my backside as he can, and lean in to whisper in my ear. His rock hard cock is poking me right in the ass, and he positions us so that it can snake its way in between my cheeks. I’m still slick there, and he moans so quietly, I think I’d imagined it.

“I’m not done with you, yet.”

“Mmmmmm…” is the only reply I’m capable of right now, apparently. He nibbles on my ear lobe and uses his tongue on that special spot.

My legs clench together and my hand reaches for his, intertwining our fingers and then placing my palm on my breast.

He squeezes my boob tightly. He flips me over onto my stomach, then with one hand on each hip, he pulls my midsection up, getting me on my knees with my arms extended out in front of me. I’m still floppy.

He scoots behind me. He grabs the lubricant once more and slather it up and down his shaft, then all over his head. He places his hands on my hips again and coaxes me up to the right height.

He reaches one hand around my side and slides it up and down my pussy, drenching it in my wetness, then lightly begins circling and rubbing my clit. His cock is pressing into my ass, and his gentle movement is driving me crazy.

“Give me your hand, Sasha.”

I groan, but slowly bring one of my arms back so that my hand meets his at my center. He takes my fingers and coats them with his own before sliding them up and down my pussy. Then, using my finger, he starts to work my clit once more.

“Now keep touching your clit, baby. But not yet.”

He then slides his lubricated cock into my pussy. I felt so full, too full. I just wanted him to move.

He lets go of my hand and continues fucking me, slowly. He straightens back up and uses both his hands to squeeze my cheeks, rubbing them and digging his thumbs into my pliant flesh.

He spread my cheeks and teases my anus with the butt plug.

“I get so hard looking at your fat ass.” He slowly pulls out the butt plug, I can feel my anus gape for attention.

He pulls out of my pussy and positions his cock against my asshole.

He gently leans into me and slides into me, slowly but firmly, and the feeling is so so so good. He is so big and I’m so tight. I squeeze his dick and the sensation is overwhelming. I can already feel another orgasm building as I whimper.

“Oh my god…” I cry softly.

“I…oh, Colson,…I’m about to cum!”

He is squeezing my hips and ass so tightly the surrounding skin is turning white. His thrusts are hitting me so hard, I can feel Kells’s erratic thrusting deep within my ass and pussy.

“FUCK! SASHA!” He spasms and shoots his load in my ass. My pussy releases with a gush, I can feel the liquid on my thighs, my hands. I can feel I splashed K’s thighs from his light thrusting. I can’t see for a few seconds, and my whole body is twitching and convulsing and squirting from the aftermath. I can feel his cum in my ass.

I collapse. He is still hard, but he slowly backs out of me before I completely tumble onto the bed in a messy heap, my asshole still gaping. Kells rolls to the side, behind me once again, and pulls me into his arms, kissing whatever part of my head he can reach.

My pussy has repeated slight tremors.

“Holy shit that was…” He can’t even finish.

I tilt my face back to look at him.

“Oh, shit. What’s wrong? Are you okay? Why didn’t you stop me? Did I hurt you, Sasha?”

I shake my head and lightly kiss his lips.

“No, no. Nothing is wrong. That was just so…intense.” My voice is weak.

He is not convinced. “Why are you crying, then? Please, tell me if I hurt you.”

I go to wipe my eyes, seemingly surprised to find them wet. “I didn’t know…I’m not really crying. I don’t know. Kells, you didn’t hurt me.”

“I don’t understand,” is all he can get out.

“You were just so…good. I felt so filled, I didn’t know sex could feel like that.” I look down shyly. “I thought I was gonna hate myself, but I feel so much for you”

“You make me feel loved, I never knew what that felt like Sash”

I kissed his lips. He pulled back from me. I made a face. He caressed my bottom lip with his thumb. He smiles so dopey. He pulls me closer to him, I’m realizing how much he completes me. I snuggle into the crook of his neck and inhale his scent. I laid my hand on his chest, as I felt his heartbeat. I never wanted to leave, I was in too deep. I was falling deeper down this rabbit hole. He had me feeling dizzy and lost like Alice in Wonderland.

I was starting to feel attached, I couldn’t let go or walk away even if I wanted to. I had myself most days but with him I had a family, I had people who loved me. I had friends. I had him. 

He’d always have me, more than I’d like to admit. 

I know the future doesn’t exist and the past is padded by nostalgia and memories, but I just wanted to live with him, in the present, gripping on to every second, breathing in his scent, learning his naked truths, and holding on to every word, it’s all I had. I just wanted to live in, now, in time, I hoped to wake up to him every morning doing these exact things.

I don’t remember a time where I existed without him. 

I needed him. 

Even though I had a small feeling he didn’t need me the same way I needed him.

                                    ***********

When K signed the record deal with Diddy, our fate was destined to fall apart. Our life changed. I had to finish high school while he went on tour. I stayed with Emma and Casie. 

He told me he wanted an open relationship. I agreed cos I didn’t want to fight. He said he’d always use a condom. I trusted him.

He’d texted me every time he’d meet and fuck someone. The rule was no more than three times. 

He said he really wanted to be with me and would think about me when he was with the other girls.

My insecurities were heightened. I didn’t feel our relationship was strong enough, maybe I wasn’t enough for him, maybe someone better would take him away from me. But I made sacrifices for him. 

This was his dream. 

This was going to be his life.

“You know how Colson is, Sasha, he’s a fuck dude, period. Look at us, bitch. Look at what he did to us, we looked stupid as hell over some white dick? Casie and you were really the best things that came out of that situation” Emma concluded. She sipped her wine.

I sighed, she was right. K wasn’t healthy for me. I just didn’t care.

“Good luck to you girl, I have my problems separately from that man but lemme tell you, you deserve so much better than him. ” She pecked my forehead lovingly and walked into her room.

I sat by myself, alone. How was she was so strong, how could she move on from him after he broke her heart? It’s cos she had a daughter to love and support, she couldn’t afford to depend on K’s broken promises.

And those broken promises were all I had to hang on to, that’s what made me even more pathetic. I wasn’t self-sacrificing or altruistic, it was cos I hated myself, cos I believe I couldn’t do better. Cos I was convinced I only wanted and loved him. But where was his loyalty to me? 

Was I mad cos I loved him more than he loved me. Or was it because he didn’t have insecurities the way I did. That he was better off without me, that he could exist without me, that he could love without me. That I didn’t own him or define him. Did those things upset me, or was it that it was the opposite for me. That he owned me.

I was delusional so I avoided the sixth sense that would have told me to leave him from the first red flags and inconsistencies.

                                    ***********

K came back a year and a half later. Casie was 3. I graduated high-school. He stopped music for a little. Casie was so young when K was around and couldn’t remember who he was. 

I could tell how broken-hearted he was. He was close to giving up because she wasn’t accepting him. Emma was mad at him for treating their kid like a stepchild. They would fight constantly. They just needed some time. K barely came to the apartment.

Kells fell into a deep depression, Casie didn’t love him and his mother returned for about two weeks.

He hadn’t seen her since she left him when he was 12. He was depressed cos his music career was not panning out the way he wanted. 

I was there to heal him. Soothe him. 

Mend his broken heart while mine was freshly glued back together, holding him up with my brittle bones, basically breathing for him while I drowning. 

I was only 18. I felt like a mother, wife, friend, and therapist constantly trying to cater to Kells. Yet I still wasn’t enough. 

Cos he had other relationships behind my back. He was a grimy ass dog. 

Eventually, I just stopped confronting him cos it would always end in the same fight. 

It wasn’t until his bitch came to Ashleigh’s house looking for K which confirmed everything I needed to know, so I went to the hotel he was staying at like the crazy ass bitch I was going to fight her. 

                                    ***********

“How you think it was okay for you to bring some rent-a-hoe with you on tour and post a bunch of pictures of her on your social media, that ain’t cute. You don’t fucking care, how you gonna kiss that grimy ass bitch in my fuckin face” I clap my hands in his face on the beat of my words. 

“This bitch is a fuckin crab, all up on me and my mans and as soon as I’m gone she fucks you? I want to send this bitch in a bag to get cremated. I’m not like these valley bitches, K don’t get shit twisted cos Imma fuck ha ass up, this bitch thinks she can fuck my man, oohhhh, this bitch lost her goddamn mind, tell me how did it feel to fuck a bitch built like a skinny dude, that shit felt good to you?”

I saw Ashleigh smirk at me. Slim, Dre, and Dub were minding their business, as they should. Of course, Rook, who was the new one, was backing K up like a fuckin puppy. 

“Why were you letting her touch you like that, I know damn well y’all were definitely fucking, the bitch looks like you, how you that conceded? You nasty, you fucking disgust me, how dare you come up in this house, acting like we good. You fucking Becky now? That’s what we doing? Did you ask ha how my pussy taste? She all back, no ass, no tiddies, how many times am I gonna tell you if you gonna cheat you better cheat on a bitch badder than me, all the bitches you fuck are ugly, dead ass.” I pushed his forehead with my acrylic nail. 

“It’s not that fuckin deep, Sasha” he shook his head.

“Imma show that bitch to the muthafuckin concrete, I rip each strand out ha head, ya heard” I point in his face. He slaps my hand out of the way.

“You know what FUCK YOU AND YO PETTY ASS ” he clenches his jaw.

“No, FUCK YOU BITCH, I’m petty? Bitch you ain’t see petty, yet. Petty is me pulling badder bitches and fucking them while you watch. Petty is me changing the damn locks on the door so you can’t see your fucking kid that you haven’t seen in three years. You don’t want to see petty, so you best talk to the bitch who still humble cos in a few seconds if your attitude don’t change, you gon’ make the petty jump out” I stared at him incredulously. 

“I don’t get why you gotta be so mad, like it’s over, we get it, I fucked up. let’s move on” he hit the back of his hand with his palm like he was making an actual point.

“I’m mad cos you cosigning Becky plumping her lips, tryna act black like she was raised in the hood, tryna be down, but the fact you fucked some imitation of me really gots me fucked up, why entertain these copy and paste ass bitches, when you got the blueprint in front of you, you know I got a problem with ignorant ass bitches” I gritted out my teeth. I threw my hands in the air “You never ride for me, never defend me, there is no loyalty, it’s the fuckin principle, it shows me that ignorant people don’t bother you, especially when they hurt me.” I yell in his face. He pushed me out of his way and continued to walk out the kitchen, and I followed right behind him, like white on rice.

“That bitch wouldn’t make it over here, drop ha ass over here, watch her ass shake in her fuckin boots, let her get shot at, let’s see how much she like the hood, fuck her and her white ass” I yell from the top of my lungs.

“Your bringing old shit up, I fucked her already, I ain’t gonna take it back, I wanted to fuck her because she look like you but I ain’t gotta deal with your fuckin attitude, loud mouf, and ungratefulness.” he threw back. I started laughing at him. Is his bitch ass serious? I look like that mutation whew child he needs to get his eyes checked out. 

“Please let me stop you there, I look nothing like that cracker with her life jacket lips, so when you drown back in your ways make sure you call her to save you” I started laughing. “You know what really kills me is the fact you didn’t even try to hide it, like you just flaunted your relationship everywhere with these bitches for the whole world to see, like I’m the side bitch” I fucking laugh at him.

“Get the fuck over it, it already happened I can do shit to change it, it’s not like I’m tryna marry these hoes like you said I fucked up” he admitted but there was no remorse, he could do whatever the fuck he wanted cos he was a ‘rockstar’. This fuckin piece of white trash has the audacity to treat me like I’m the fucking disposable one. 

I throw whatever I could get my hands on at his direction.

“YO WHAT THE FUCK” he yelled at me.

“I’m two fucking seconds from breaking your fuckin neck. The issue is that you cheated on me with bitches for years, I agreed to these little arrangement but you fucking crossed the line and push it too far each time, it never stops with you. WE HAD RULES.” I yelled. Which was followed by silence? “Now some snow opossum shows up and you showing her out on vacations.  How the fuck you think this looks, I look stupid as fuck, see what you’re not finna do is make me look like a bird, because I will snatch you up and yo lil fold up chair ass having bitch” I started throwing all of the nice shit that was on the hotel counter at him. Making him suck his teeth.

“I can do whatever the fuck I want, bitch” he shouted over. 

“You the BITCH, only weak ass muthafuckas do the shit you do, this is why your parents left yo ass high and dry. I can fuck any man I want remember that. I will ruin your life, you can’t pull bitches badder than me” I shouted louder.

“You only hood pretty. No one wants to put up with your ratchet ass” he snaps.

“My man what the fuck are you? Poor white trailer trash dumpster juice ass bitch, no one wants you, you ain’t got no family, you own daughter don’t even know who you are, I’m the only one you got, remember that” I pushed his chest. 

He laughs. 

“This a joke to you, yeah hehehe muthafucka, but when I leave, you gonna be boohoohoo, right? They all leave anyways ass bitch” I mimicked him.

“Sasha, I’m not gonna stop fuckin bitches, and that’s that, you could scream, yell, fight with me all you want, but you ain’t gon stop me” he smirked like he won. 

“You can’t even be faithful for a gotdamn two seconds, I’m done.” I wave my hands in the air, and surrendered this toxic ass relationship. “I can’t do this with you, all this back and forth... for what? You constantly betray my trust. You have no consideration or respect, I can’t teach you empathy, you are a fuckin sociopath. We always finna have this problem, I’m tired of raising my voice,” I shake my head. I walk away from him. I’m fuckin out. I walk into the room.

“Where do you think you are going?” Kells yelled. Now, he want’s to communicate. He slammed the door behind us. 

“I’m going to pack my fucking bags and leave, I’m not enough for you, Imma leave and let you figure yo shit out, go fuck ya lil white bitch, I ain’t got time for this, I am 18, I got my whole life in front of me, I don’t need this” I laugh at his face.

“I don’t wanna fight with you, I was admitting my wrongs, I was coming clean, I’ll do whatever you want, I’m sorry, don’t leave me, you are all I got. Aight, I’m tryna change for you, for Casie. I’ll delete the pictures, baby.” He mood changed quickly.

“Oh so we singing the blues when you behind closed doors but you wanna call me out my name in front of everyone else, you ain’t a man K, you a boy, you weak minded, you don’t know how to treat a woman. You chose those bitches over me. You still lying to me, you think I’m stupid, I’m not one your groupies K, I knew you before rapping, before fame, before money. You don’t even have money now. I really wanna know how the fuck I am ungrateful? Please let me know?” I spit facts at him watching them hit him like small bullets.

“You the only real one I got, I’ll stop the lying. Okay, just don’t leave me” K looked at me like he always does. 

I knew he wasn’t serious, I stared into his eyes. He knew how to manipulate me fitting the situation. I let him. But I had to go this time. He chose someone else over me, he would do it again.

I walk away from him.

“Do not walk away from me when I’m talking to you” he grips on to my shoulders hard.

“Don’t fucking touch me” I flare my nose. I get in his face.“You betrayed me, I fucking feel destroyed right now, you were defending her, not me”. I reminded him.

I looked away from his face, I felt myself wavering. I had an hard exterior, but it was wearing off, cos every reaction was just masking the pain and hurt I felt. They were to come out anytime soon.

“C’mon baby, don’t cry. C’mere don’t leave” He kissed my neck. I put my lips close to his ear, “I’m gonna fuck Slim or Dre tonight maybe Rook too. You think they got your back, they would fuck me as soon as they had the chance” I whisper into his ear, I see him turn red with anger, he pushes me hard, and I fall onto the ground.

“I’d fuckin kill you and anyone who touches you, I drop yo ass soon as one of them muthafuckas touches you” he grits.

I pick myself up from the floor and defiantly stand tall in his face.

“Imagine if I treated you the way you treated me, you would have been left. My loyalty to you runs so deep. And here you are defending a raggedy ass bitch, you told me you ain’t ever touched her when I asked, and this whole time you sharing yourself with her, loving on her, thinking about her. You giving her the parts of you that you said were only for me. You hurt me cos you continued to see her, you let our friends meet her. Why should I fight for you, when you continue to show me that I’m so disposable to you?”

K pulled me into him, not letting me free.

“Don’t be touching all up on me” I tried to push him away from me, but he is too strong. 

“Stop being so damn stubborn” he says into my lips. I bit his lip and he lets go of my waist.

“You a fuckin cunt, this is why I don’t want you, you think I wanna constantly get attitude or put up with the fighting, with your insecurities, I could get any bitch to open up their legs for me. I fuck other people to get away from yo baggage, I need to get away from you, you are the hardest person to love ”

If thats how he felt, why stay with me still.

“You always do this. Anytime I try to leave you start blocking me and begging me not to go, you wanna act like I’m the one who did you wrong. You embarrassed me, you make ME look dumb, like I’m just some random bitch to you. I have never cheated on you and yet you sit here with this dumb ass face looking confused as to why I’m acting the way I do, what you said was the truth you can’t take it back. YOU SAID YOU WHAT YOU SAID” I throw my water at his face.

“Dont give me a reason to beat the shit outta you” he shouted.

“What you say to me?” I squint my eyes.

“You heard what I said” he elongated.

I nodded my head and I spun around and turned to get packed.

“Sasha I didn’t mean it, you make me crazy, please baby” he was blocking me from the room with all my shit inside.

“GET. OUT. OF. MY. WAY.” I spit. “You hit your other girlfriends, just me right, cos I just take it right, how come I only get the worse parts of you” I shout.

“Sasha I’m sorry” K begged. I passed him and he followed me into the hotel room, I got my suitcase out and started aggressively throwing my shit in the suitcase.

“No one wants to lose their girl, c’mon baby, stop playing, you know I’ll take care of you, I gotchu, stop messing around” He was taking the clothes out of the suitcase.

“Don’t touch my fucking shit, get out the room, I don’t want to see your face” he sat on the bed and it just irked me, so my mouth opened with no control.

“You a bum, you will never amount to anything, look at you, you a fucking broke ass bitch, yo record label wants nothing to deal with you, that’s why you track marks on ya fucking arms, you a crackhead and that’s all you will ever be” 

He snatched my make up bag from outta of my hand and threw it against the wall, he took all my shit and started breaking anything I owned. 

He grabbed on to me, even though I was fighting to leave.

“Let me go, K, I am leaving” I demanded.

“No the fuck you ain’t” he clasped on to my arms and threw me on the bed. So I pushed him back hard. He slapped my face hard ass hell leaving giant red mark.

I became enraged, I blacked out, I don’t remember what happened next I just know my hands were on that man, whew, you’re worst enemy wouldn’t want to feel my wrath. I was rabid. Foaming at the mouth, crying. It set me off. I was thrown and beat on like a rag doll by K. Slim and Ashleigh pulling us away from one another. I was fighting him back cos he hit me first. 

Kells and I did not give a fuck. We would just hit on each other cos we were looking to hurt one another as much as how fucked up we each felt inside. To be honest it was easier. I hated myself for saying that. Easier than actually facing the truth about us, about our relationship. It was easier to take the hit rather than the consequences, rather than the blame, rather than the reality of our situation, rather than trying to fix our trauma, pain, and hurt we held for ourselves and the actions the other person did. We both knew what was happening. We both knew we’d rather go through our shit together, then apart. I wanted him to hurt how he hurt me. Tit for mutha fuckin tat, period. 

Everyone was trying to stop me from getting out of the hotel room to find the girl, since she came back to K’s spot, like I knew she would. I wanted to fight her too. Then K would defend the raggedy ass bitch and it would send me down a whole other spiral. Of course once I calmed down while nursing an icepack on my eye.

“If you want me to stay, put my shit back where it belongs, I’ll send you an invoice for all the shit you broke dumb bitch” I said to his face and he just stuck his middle finger at me.

I had to stay with Ashleigh and her mom until my bruises went away, because if my brother found me like this he would kill Kells. Without hesitation.

I had to keep somewhat of a front. Around my brother, Emma, Casie, and the public. Inside our circle everyone knew, they knew, and they allowed us to be. I held a small amount of resentment for them, I always wondered if they even cared about me. What if K pushed it too far, what if it were to escalate and my lifeless body decorated the floor. Would they cover it up? I hated to think about that. I prayed K wouldn’t do me like that. Wouldn’t hurt me in that way.

I wish I believed he actually cared about me. But who was I kidding? Myself. I knew what I was getting into. I knew what he was. I couldn’t act brand new. I knew from this point forward, you really only had yourself. That was probably the most valuable lesson I learned from Kells.

                                    ***********

“YO, what the fuck is this, Sasha” I heard K’s voice in the bathroom. I rolled my eyes.

What was he complaining about now? I walked into the room, I saw his back through the door frame. 

“Yes,” I gave him attitude and monotonous voice.

He turned to face me holding up a pregnancy test. My face immediately paled.

“You’re pregnant” his face read a mixture of shock and disgusts.

I closed my eyes, embarrassed and afraid. How would he react? My eyes were holding in tears, my ducts were fully brimmed.

“I... uh....I.... yes, it’s mine” I tongued my cheek as I let the tears fall down my cheek.

“Why didn’t you fuckin tell me? I thought you were on the pill” he yelled

“I missed a few by accident, I was tryna figure out how to tell you, I didn’t want you to be mad at me. I already know what you’d say” I choked on the words.

“You finna get rid of it, today. You fuckin know I can’t have another kid, I barely know the kid I got now” he demanded.

I bowed my head down, maybe this kid could fix us.

“What if I want to keep it” I tried to say hopefully.

“You ain’t having my kid, Sasha, that’s final, I’m not gonna say anything else”

“You have a baby on me, now what? I can’t have a child cos you had one without me. You know Casie was supposed to mine, you know I was supposed to be her mom. How do you think I fucking feel, my own boyfriend doesn’t want me to mother his kids”

“That was supposed to be me, Kells, fuckin me. I raised Casie too, she’s my daughter too, but I can’t claim her like Emma can, like you can. I want my own child” I cried to him.

“Do whatever the fuck you gots to do, but choose wisely cos its either me or the bastard you got in yo stomach” he looked at me with disgust. 

Kells slammed the door to our room. I heard him yell at Emma. I dropped to the floor, it was like I couldn’t be without him. I rubbed my stomach sobbing softly into my chest. I was going to be a mother, I had to be strong for her, for my baby. Kells didn’t have to like it or not, but I was pregnant and I was having his baby. 

He walked out on me, it was his MO at this point. He always chose himself before he ever chose me. I was never his first choice. I got the cold shoulder from K for 2 months. He would look right through me, like I was transparent. He was so mad I was gonna have the baby. I was so stressed out, cos I had to get my shit in order. 

K was never with me, he missed doctor appointments, would sleep anywhere but with me. This went on for weeks. The hormones hit me, I would cry for him every night. Was my decision worth all this pain?

I woke up in a pool of blood and sharp pains coming from from uterus. I screamed for Emma, I was crying about the baby. She panicked and called 911. I passed out from the all the blood. I kept calling out his name, I was scared, I wanted him to be with me.

The doctors said my uterus was underdeveloped and damaged from sexual abuse. I wasn’t strong enough to carry a baby. I would have to get an abortion. 

I heard nothing but white noise. I wish my baby would have lived. I couldn’t save her, I was a bad and weak mother. I shouldn’t have yelled and worked myself up. I could never be a mother again, this is what he wanted all along.

This was all my fault. I should have listened to him. I was hysterically crying while they did the procedure, I had to be sedated. I could no longer breathe. How many times would I go through this alone? I woke up to Kells holding my hand. I felt dead, I didn’t even want to touch him. He squeezed my lifeless hand.

I didn’t cry this time. I couldn’t anymore. I felt hallow. I stared at the wall, was I not good enough?

“Sasha?” he waited to hear a response. I didn’t answer.

I barely acknowledged him.

“Sasha”, I couldn’t answer him.

“Baby”, nothing moved. I felt dead inside.

I was repulsed by myself, how could I let this happen.

“C’mon baby talk to me”, Kells was basically talking to the wall.

I had unshed tears in my eyes. Hadn’t I done enough crying? Why put someone through this pain. I internalized everything. How was I so blind? How come I wanted to die.

“What did I do wrong?” I beg him to answer me.

“Nothing, you didn’t do anything wrong” His hand tries to grab mine but I flinch away from him. “Sasha, please —”

“I don’t want to hear it”, I yell through my blurry eyes. “How do you even love me, I can’t even give you a baby, I can’t do anything right?” I turn to look at him while he sits on the hospital chair.

“I love you, you don’t need to give me anything—”. I look into his eyes. He didn’t want my child.

“I was supposed to protect you, he told me to protect you, and all I do is cause you pain” Kells admitted into my neck. I thought of the conversation my brother had with him. “He asked me to love you, to be there for you, to support you. He asked me if I wanted to marry you. I told him I knew you were it for me, no matter what. My best friend” K cried in remorse into my neck.

“Remember our ‘prom’,” he lifted his pinky and wrapped around my lifeless one. I was reminded of our inside joke. When he loved me, when he sold me a dream and I believed him. I was a fool. So young, naive, and impressionable. He sucked all the good years out of me. Through the years I’ve known him, loved him, I finally realized that it was a lie, a facade.

My chest swelled in pain. I wasn’t enough for him. I am not enough for anybody. No one loves me, not even the person who vowed to love and protect me. I break down and turn away from him, I can’t do this anymore, all I wanted was to love and be loved, but I can’t even manage that. 

I was discharged the next day. K came to pick me up. 

We didn’t say a word to one another. 

I felt worthless, unlovable, disgusting, stupid, ugly, I hated myself again. No one was going to pull me out of it this time.

As we got to the house, I wrapped myself in the comforter and swallowed myself in bed. I cried and cried until I couldn’t anymore. Kells tried to talk to me but I couldn’t even look at him, I lost his child, no wonder he didn’t love me.

I didn’t get out of bed until I had to pee, K fought with me to eat but I just cried more until he left me alone. Emma nursed me, she tried to talk to me but I just gave her soft smiles as she rubbed my back and helped me bathe.

“It wasn’t your fault, none of this” I looked in her eyes and she looked scared and guilty still.

She eventually left the room, I had heard her talking to Kells. I heard Emma crying about how thin I was, how she could see my hip bones jut out. I just went back to sleep, I didn’t care. K would try to coax me out of it, but I didn’t trust him anymore. I wanted to forget.

He came into our room and laid down next to me. He whispered he was sorry. I heard it so many times from him. I turned to face him, snuggled into his side, as he wrapped me tightly with his arms. I broke down crying into his neck. This was the first time I had human interaction in weeks. 

I started kissing his neck. K lightly pushed me away. It hurt me for him to reject me like that.

“Make me forget please, I don’t want to be here, please” I cried and begged. 

K pulled me into a searing kiss. He pulled away and gently brushed his thumb across my cheek to wipe away my tears.

“Don’t you ever say that” He scolded me.

“Fuck me, I need to feel something, I can’t feel anything anymore” I broke down. He wiped my tears. His whole demeanor shifted.

He ripped my panties in half and lifted me toward his face as he sat me on his tongue. I cried out in pleasure as he sucked my clit in between his mouth, I realized how much I missed him, I cried cos I felt guilty for feeling a sliver of happiness when I killed my own baby. 

I buckled my hips each time he began to change the motion and pressure with the pad of his tongue. I was almost there until he pulled me off of his face and lifted me on his hips. I took his hard cock and placed it at my entrance, he pistoled inside me slowly, torturing me. I met his slowed rhythm.

“Harder” I begged into his ear.

He pounded into me reaching my cervix. I moaned each time he hit so deep inside of me. He tried to control his rhythm but I felt him nearing the edge as his thrusting sped up I felt him thrust into me one last time as his cum shot inside of me. I got up from the bed and finally took a shower. I looked in the mirror and saw how bony I was, how my hips jutted out.

I need to let it all go, I had to cos if I didn’t I would never let myself heal.

                                    ***********

I no longer felt anything anymore about the former memory, it wasn’t even a baby yet, it never got the chance to fully develop. The kid was better off. 

I felt that way cos it was easier to cope. A piece of me died along with the dream of having normalcy. Even after three years, K somehow managed to fuck me over. That’s why we're brought back to the aftermath of another fight.

I tossed around in bed staring at the hotel ceiling, I couldn’t sleep, all the memories of Kells flooded my mind. He’s put me through so much shit. I am 21 years old, in the six years of being with him, what was there to show for?

Bruises, insecurities, and miscarriages. It was a history of betrayal and death. I shouldn’t be rewarded for the mistreatment I put up with, the pain I dealt with. I should have been treated the right way the first time.

He shouldn’t glorify that I am his ride or die. I was dying here. I mean he put me through it all... I was dragged into the mud, right with him. He affected every part of me. It wasn’t healthy. We were toxic.

We haven’t had an explosive fight like this for a while. The more K’s fame rose, we grew out of hitting each other, but there were times where we were couldn’t lie and pretend we weren’t both crazy. When you make it out of the hood, you don’t need to be tough and hard anymore. But certain situations bring out the true us.

He was my family, the only one left. He raised me, taught me everything about life. Taught me how to drive, about money, about houses, about it all. My brother was murdered in a drive-by around the time Kells was finishing General Admission, Tre left me. After his funeral it solidified, I would have no one if K left me too.

I hated feeling alone. I would get too far into my head, no one could pull me out except for him. He’d reassure me and validate that he loved me. It was just so hard to love myself. Would I always feel this way?

I heard the bed sink in. The covers were pulled over my head, I moaned at the sunlight exposing my vulnerability. I knew it was Kells, he couldn’t leave me alone, especially when he knew I was upset with him. He hated it when I was mad at him.

“I want to change, I really do” He whispered into the crook of my neck. 

I turned to him.

“I can’t love you like this K, I was thinking about us, and I always forgave you cos I truly believed you would treat me better, love me more. But I dealt with all the consequences of your mistakes. You take, take, take, and take. Then there is nothing left for me? I am not happy. Don’t get me wrong, I love you to the point I choose you over me, but I am miserable, alone, hurt. I keep giving you everything of me. I need action K. If you want me to stay, I need you to evolve, for me, for Casie, for Emma and especially for yourself”

“I essentially raised you, I taught you everything, I seen you grow up and you’re not that 16-year-old girl anymore. You’re a woman, you are not an extension of me anymore. You are your own person. I am so grateful for having you in my life, I’m so self-destructive. I look at you and see all the good in me, but I hate myself so much so I subconsciously push you away from me, cos I think I don’t deserve you. I got to work on me, we got to work on us. No more fighting, we are not those people anymore, we shouldn’t be putting hands on each other. I know we say sorry and act like everything is alright but we need to face our problems. It's you and me girl”

“You are all I have K. Tre’s dead, my father’s dead, my mother is in jail, she doesn’t even want anything to do with me. You are the only one to choose me, and it hurts when you choose someone else. I am so insecure, I just see red. I know you can’t be with only one girl, I’m just asking you to leave somethings that are only meant for me, I don’t want to change who you are, I don’t want to limit your experiences, but the other relationships behind my back hurts me, K, it kills me. Cos when you tell me you love me, it don’t mean the same anymore when I know you say that to someone else”

Kells has tears in his eyes. I wipe them away.

“Hey, what’s wrong, did I say something?” I softly say, concerned.

“I am afraid....” Kells begins but chokes up.

“What are you afraid to say to me?” I caress his face.

“I don’t want to say goodbye, please don’t leave me”  he begs me with tears in his eye.

“K, I’m not leaving you, you always have me, I am here” I stare into his eyes. 

He nods, “I’ll show you how much you mean to me, you have no idea, Sasha, I can’t live without you. I need you too, you are my best friend”

“Your actions say otherwise, what’s so wrong with me that you have to get from another female, what do you hate about our relationship?”

“Honestly, the limited time we have left together, I want to be with you for as long as I live, The other women, it’s just sex, but the feeling I have with you runs deeper than anything I feel, I am connected to you, I want forever with you”

He inched his lips towards mine, we slowly connected our lips with another, while our hands connected perfectly into the crease of our fingers, intertwined. He pulled back and kissed my bruised eye and nose. He just stared into my eyes, taking everything in, searching. 

“You’re mine, you’re me, don’t give up on me, this is what matters” He sears into my skin.

I closed my eyes, and moved closer to his body heat, I laid my face into the crook of his neck. I let go of his hand, and put my hand over his chest, watching him exhale and inhale. I wanted to be as close as possible to him. 

Maybe we could be better for each other...... or maybe not, but I came to the conclusion that I didn’t care. I could make all the false threats I wanted to. But I would stay with him. We’d die promising each other things that we didn’t mean. Maybe that’s just how we were.

He snaked his limbs around me tightly, I didn’t bite his fruit unwillingly. I could hear him, feel him burning in my veins.

He wiped away the tears I didn’t even know that fell.

I kissed him lightly as we consoled one another, sealing our fate.

“Make me forget” I kiss him again as he melts into my assault. 

K couldn’t resist sex, I guess I manipulated him too. I concentrate solely on his lips. As our mouths seek therapy in one another, swallowing each other, he massages the flat of my tongue, sloppily sucking on my bottom lip.

I want him to consume me. 

His kisses traveled from my jaw to my neck, suctioning my neck and moving down to my breast, and biting my nipples scraping them against his teeth, I throw my head back at the pain but at the same time, I feel a shock through my spine that reaches the bundles of nerves in my clit.

I pull his chin up to me and suck on his bottom lip biting him hard, as he growls into me. His attacks were getting aggressive. 

I liked being something he could throw around, I liked how he gripped me like I was gonna run. It made me feel something other than being alone, I felt wanted, needed. 

He was like heroin, eventually I was gonna overdose in a motel on a sheet-less bed and eyes rolled back. He was my drug, and like any addiction it takes over your life, it consumes you whole, leaving nothing in return but still leaving you chasing the feeling you’re so fixated on. 

It doesn’t matter because that high tops being crippled by reality.

He made me feel alive. He knew what buttons to press. He was my self-destruct button.

This fight, his grip on my hips were like talons, I felt myself bruising. I threw away the towel from his waist. I didn’t waste any time, I clasped his face in my hands kissed hard before pulling away.

“Fuck me like you’d fuck her,” I croak at him angrily from the tears stuck in my throat. I saw the fire burning in his eyes, I release my tears from the ducts.

K slammed my back against the bed so that he hovered over me, he thrusted into me with no remorse, he lifted my ass and maintained his tight grip on my hips and he met my pussy with firm thrusts, pistoling in out of me, I moaned in pleasure. 

K slapped my hands away from clit, he motioned me to clasp my legs around his back as he slammed into me while pinning down my arms. My back arched as he continued to hit my g-spot, getting deeper with each pound he gave. I felt my toes curl.

I felt him take one of his hands away from my wrist and then caress my throat, as he clasped tighter around it making it hard for me to breathe.

“Harder” I whispered.

“Shut the fuck up” He growled into my ear, and pounded harder and tightened his hold on my neck.

“You like it when I fuck you hard like this, huh” he yelled at me.

“You like it when you act like a dirty little slut” I felt my voice escape.

“How about when I fuck your tight cunt” he spit as he pinched my clit. I felt my thighs shake.

“How does it feel to be my fucking bitch, taking my whole cock” my eyes blurred with unshed tears.

“You like being choked, you like not fucking breathing as my cock is in you” I breathed through my nose threw the narrow airway he created.

“You like it rough, bitch” he smacked my ass.

“Fuck you’re so tight” he groaned

He released my neck and I gained some air in my lungs, he pulled out quickly and flipped my body so that I was on my knees. I felt his hard dick against my ass.

The sound of skin getting smacked rang throughout the room as I flinched, feeling my ass become hot with pain. Without sympathy he slapped the affected area again with a heavy hand, making me whimper into my pillow. I felt myself cry out.

“Scream my name” he demanded. I defiantly refused to play his game cos I wanted the consequence that came with that, the punishment.

He pulled my neck back with one hand, and with the other pulled my hair tight and angled my head so that my lips were exposed, I felt my back arch like it would snap in half. 

He stuck his fingers in my mouth “Suck” he commanded. He spits onto my tongue and I swallowed it with the three fingers he jammed in my throat.

He removed his fingers out of me and slapped my face. I groaned as the heat spread through my body.

I felt his hard cock search for my gaping pussy. Once I felt the head of his dick with no hesitation he pistoled in me. His clasp on my neck tightened, I screamed as his dick filled me whole. His hold on my hair was yanked before he released it and massaged my asshole. The juices between us were streaming, and he slipped his thumb inside.

“My little slut likes it up her ass just as much as her cunt” his hand around my neck tightened.

I felt my pussy clench around his dick as he angled my body with his hips, curving his cock inside of me.

“You like being filled like this” he hummed against my throat biting down on my jugular vein.

I slung incoherent expletives as my thighs shook and my stomach coiled as I felt the wave of pleasure course through. His thrusts became irate and erratic before his last thrust slammed into me as my pussy continue to milk his cock, I felt his hot semen spurt into me as he groaned into my ear and slowly thrust in me before he came to a stop. He released my neck and I wilted away into the bed. I felt him pull out as his cum, that warmly seeped out from in-between my cool thighs.

“I promise. I’ll try” Colson heatedly answered. He laid down beside me as I curled into a ball facing him.

I looked at him with tears in my eyes nodded before kissing the corner of his mouth. He turned towards me and grabbed the base of my neck, capturing my lips in a gentle kiss. He pulled away and snuggled himself into my body. He traced the red streaks he left on my neck with his index finger.

He lifted my leg and wrapped it around his stomach as he slid back into me, I moaned into his lips.

We laid there connected, feeling the presence of one another.

This high didn’t compare to anything.

I couldn’t get enough of him.

Entangled in one another with our fucked up minds.

He’ll say, “tell me losing everything is what saved you. I saved you. Tell me you love that I destroy you. Don’t lie to me. 

Tell me you need me. Please. You are the bones of my spine. You are the ground beneath my feet. You are made of deeper stuff than the earth can give. Admit it: you are lost without me. Can you even imagine yourself without me? 

You must know loneliness, must sometimes want nothing more than to be trapped in a hell of forevers. Thank me. 

I’ve given you forever”

I am his Persephone, undying and trapped under his love, forever.

#machine gun kelly imagines #machine gun kelly fanfiction #machine gun kelly #colson baker #Kellyvision #Est 19XX #rap devil #mgk

[whitelunarlotus]

Fear

I’m not the greatest of writers, but I felt as though I should start posting my works so others can see. Maybe I’ll make progress? Who knows.

Warning for violence and death!

It was a dark and dreary night; rain was pelting down upon the poverty-stricken lower levels of Trelesolk. Loud claps of thunder rattled the walls and lightning lit up the sky and darkened rooms, casting eerie shadows.

In a run-down house whose roof leaked constantly, was a young boy, Amittai.

Comforted by the sounds of the rain he was slowly being lulled to sleep. The peacefulness of the night being his lullaby.

The sound of glass shattering was what caused him to sit up, fully awakened. The sound of two people fighting could be heard through the floorboards as well as through his door which was opened just slightly to let a sliver of light into his room.

It was his parents.

This was normal for him. He had grown up with the shouts and beatings.

Slowly, Amittai crept slowly down the stairs, knowing where all the squeakiest floorboards were and avoiding them with ease.

Once at the bottom step, he set foot on the cold hardwood floor, a shiver going up his spine.

It was always this cold in the winter months, but for some reason the house felt chillier, as though something wasn’t right.

Pushing himself up against the wall, he began to slink towards the corner, minding where he stepped as glass littered the floor. This was normal, his father and mother broke beer bottles all the time, what wasn’t normal was the tinges of red on some of the shards.

His face scrunched up slightly, his heart seizing in his chest.

Their fights didn’t bother him anymore, they had at first, but since they happened frequently it had become as normal as the need to sleep. Their fights were loud and would commonly take place at night, leaving him sleep-deprived.

Inching up as close to the corner as he could, he peeked into the Livingroom where his whore of a mother and alcoholic father resided.

Amittai observed the scene with mild annoyance. The wicked witch wasn’t dead, and his wimp of a father wasn’t either.

He was extremely tired and was about ready to head back upstairs, however, he hesitated. Unlike their normal fights, this one was becoming nastier by the second. His father had a face of rage and his mother was becoming irate and fidgety

His eyebrows furrowed together in confusion as he watched on.

“No!” His father shouted, his voice laced with fear as he turned to run away from his mother, who was holding a broken beer bottle in her hands.

She thrusted the sharp object, blood beginning to stain his father’s off-white shirt.

Amittai was frozen in terror, clamping a hand over his mouth to stifle any noises. His eyes were widened in shock. Yes, his father was a horrid drunk, but his mother was the reason he was that way, and she was no better if this is what she resorted to.

Shocked and thrown off balance, his father tripped and fell to the floor, his mother slashing at his bag and stabbing at his neck. She kept on attacking until he struggled no more, he was eerily still.

Amittai couldn’t stop himself from screaming, a loud piercing shriek echoed throughout the house. Though his neighbors had heard his screams their only response was to shout in anger at them to shut up.

“What are you doing up, Sweetheart?” His mother questioned a wide smile on her face, the corners of her eyes crinkled slightly, blood stained her nicest dress. She looked insane. She looked like a murderer.

He felt faint. He needed to run.

Bolting out the door, glad that their locks had long ago been broken. The cries of his mother calling his name were quickly drowned out by the pounding rain.

The rain quickly seeped through his thin clothes, chilling him. It only seemed to fall harder and faster upon his frightened form as he ran. He had nowhere to go and no idea where a Royal Guard station might be.

So, he followed the road.

Each step hurt, sharp rocks embedding themselves into his bare feet.

After a few minutes of seemingly endless cobble roads, the cracked stones slowly turned into a muddy dirt path. The muddy water splashed at his bare feet, quickly staining his legs as mud wedged itself uncomfortably between his toes.

Though his feet hurt immensely, he couldn’t stop running.

As he went deeper and deeper into the forest, he began to regain some hold of himself. Thoughts about the tales of a beast that lurked in the Withered Forest and how the god of Fear slaughtered anyone foolish enough to walk through the boundary began to creep into his mind.

It wasn’t until he tripped over a tree root that triggered him to take hold of himself fully. The sudden abruptness of sensations was overwhelming. All sound became white noise, all except one.

The sound of crunching leaves and then a branch snapping.

With a shriek of fright, using the last of his energy Amittai scrambled to his feet and began running as fast as his stubby little legs could take him, which wasn’t very far.

Having used up all his luck by escaping his mother, it didn’t surprise him when he tripped over another tree root, his ankle snapping in half, bone jutting out of the skin.

Black splotches began to appear as he breathed heavily, suddenly feeling extremely cold and tired as he closed his eyes and began begging and pleading for mercy all the while snot and tears dripped down his muddy face.  

It was looming over him now, but…

“Come now child, no need for the waterworks.” A gruff and gravelly voice spoke as he was suddenly gently picked up and cradled protectively in strong arms.

Confused Amittai opened his eyes only to be greeted not by a snarling beast, but by a man who appeared in his late twenties. Though the man had some monstrous traits, he could have easily ended his life with a simple snap of the neck.

“Now, why are you here? Where are your parents?” The man asked as calmly as possible, his voice laced with confusion.

Amittai opened his mouth to speak, having calmed down slightly, but at the mention of parents, he began to wail. The emotions of the day crashing down upon him as the realization that life would never be the same dawned upon him.

The man panicked, he’d never been good with kids, nor did he know how to calm them down. What made the whole thing even more chilling was how the child was wailing. He had only heard such cries from someone who had lost a loved one…

“My name’s Jerimoth. Whatever happened, you’re safe now.” Jerimoth stated calmly, but firmly as he carefully shifted the crying child in his arms as to not jostle his leg.

“Like the big scary god?” Amittai questioned, his voice quivering as sobs and hiccups escaped his body, tears running down his cheeks in streams.

“Exactly, some like to say that I am, but I’m just the watcher of these woods,” Jerimoth stated with a smile.

Amittai began to calm down after a few minutes of walking, his attention having been drawn to the wolves that watched curiously from a distance.

“What was that?” Jerimoth questioned curiously as he stopped, having not heard what the child had muttered.

“I’m Amittai. Please don’t take me back home. Please don’t.” Amittai begged as he began to tear up again, snuggling closer to the man’s chest as that was where he felt safest. His heartbeat was calming to him.

Jerimoth looked upon the kid blankly before running a hand through his hair.

“I won’t kid… I’m going to regret this, but you can stay with me for as long as you want. Just don’t do something stupid and get yourself killed” Jerimoth lectured, however when he received no response he looked down at Amittai.

Leaning against his chest, the child slept rather peacefully.

Jerimoth could only let out a groan of annoyance. He shouldn’t be getting attached to anything, but look at him now, getting sentimental over a kid.

“Of course, only me” He grumbled angrily before beginning the trek back to his cabin.

Damn was this night peachy…

#oc #jerimoth #amittai #death #murder #violence #abuse #jerimoth is gunna adopt amittai

[jahaanofmenaphos]

Art by the awesome @tommieglenn!

Of Gods and Men Summary:

When the gods returned to Gielinor, their minds were only on one thing: the Stone of Jas, a powerful elder artefact in the hands of Sliske, a devious Mahjarrat who stole it for his own ends and entertainment. He claims to want to incite another god wars, but are his ulterior motives more sinister than that? And can the World Guardian, Jahaan, escape from under Sliske’s shadow?

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QUEST 07: DISHONOUR AMONG THIEVES

QUEST SUMMARY:

Due to his status as the World Guardian, Jahaan wound up as part of Zamorak’s heist team. Their task? Steal the Stone of Jas from Sliske and return its power to Zamorak. Jahaan gets to learn more about a god propaganda had always skewed, but will he be on board with Zamorak’s plan in the end…

CHAPTER 3: CHAOS OF CORRUPTION

The first man - well, man-ish - he was introduced to was Jerrod, a dark-skinned unkempt looking fellow from the lands of Canifis. Canifis had only one prominent export, and that was werewolves. Jerrod happened to be one of those. As soon as Jahaan had approached him, Jerrod began sniffing the air, the look of unsated bloodlust dancing in his red eyes.

“Von’t worry. I von’t eat associates,” through his thick accent, this was the most amount of reassurance Jahaan got from the werewolf, and decided to stay on the opposite end of the room to him as much as possible, especially since it was a full moon tonight.

Thankful to see another full-blooded human in the ranks, Jahaan felt most comfortable around the Lord of the Kinshra, Lord…

Oh blast, what was it again? Jahaan cursed his memory. Lord… Nefarious? No, that makes him sound like a pantomime villain. Precarious? No, just as bad…

Jahaan silently prayed someone would say his name in the not too distant future so he could make a better mental note of it.

Lord Whatshisname was the youngest appointed leader of the Kinshra, the ‘Black Knights’ as they had come to be known. They were the force that has tried and failed on many occasions to conquer Falador in the name of Zamorak. Despite the Black Knights not having a very formidable reputation, their leader certainly looked like he could handle his sword. Decked out in striking black armour, trimmed with gold and crimson, with spikes on the shoulders and joints, Lord Whatshisname did not appear to offer fools gladly, a scowl permanently embedded in his scarred face.

“Don’t talk to me, human,” Zemouregal sized Jahaan up as soon as Moia brought him close enough, towering over him by an imposing foot and a half. He was standing beside an irritated looking Enakhra, who rolled her eyes as soon as Zemouregal opened his mouth. “I’ve got nothing to say to you.”

“Ah, I see you two have already met,” Moia remarked, smiling exasperatedly to Enakhra with an expression that read, ‘I know, right?’

“Look, we have a common goal, and a common enemy in Sliske,” Jahaan’s teeth were so gritted he felt as if they were going to shatter. “Can we call a truce, for your master’s sake?”

“He’s not my ‘master’,” Zemouregal sneered. “I’m ruled by no-one.”

“And yet, here you are.”

Zemouregal slashed forwards, the armour on his stomach smashing into Jahaan’s chest, knocking the man back a pace, but he quickly recovered ground. “Watch your tone with me, rodent,” he threatened, not even trying to mask the intent behind his words. “Zamorak may have business with you, but not me. You step one foot out of line and I’ll sever that tiny head from your shoulders, peel the skin like a grape and crush your skull in my fist.”

Jahaan did not think it was wise to point out that, after his head was severed, Zemouregal could play kickball with it and he wouldn’t care - he’d be dead, after all - but the angry Mahjarrat had definitely made his point. It’d be foolhardy to pick a fight with him; the room was full of Zamorakians who probably preferred a lukewarm glass of water over Jahaan.

Moia quickly ushered Jahaan away, and Enakhra worked to distract an angry Zemouregal.

The two kept their distance after that.

At least Hazeel seemed friendlier. Well, in comparison, a starving rottweiler is friendlier than Zemouregal. Jahaan had met Khazard at the Ritual of Rejuvenation, and their encounter was still fresh in the minds of both beings. From the glare Khazard was bearing down on him, Jahaan knew it’d be up to him to try and smooth things out.

One Mahjarrat enemy in the ranks was enough.

After nodding in greeting to Hazeel, Jahaan turned to Khazard and awkwardly scratched the back of his head. “Listen, I’m… I’m sorry about your dog.”

“His name was Bouncer,” Khazard stated. He looked a little startled by the apology, but he hid it well under a veil of resentment.

“Yes, I’m sorry about Bouncer,” Jahaan continued. “It all got pretty heated. I just… I love dogs, too. I wish he didn’t have to get hurt.”

“Do you have a dog?”

“Not anymore, but I kinda have a pet troll.”

Khazard seemed amused, his sorrow lifting slightly. “You have a pet troll?”

“Yeah, a baby troll. His name’s Coal,” relieved to find some common ground, Jahaan felt a weight lift off his shoulders. “I helped rescue him from Burthorpe.”

Khazard appeared to smile back. It was a strange sight to see. “What’s your name?”

Extending a hand to shake, Jahaan replied, “Jahaan. I know who both of you are. Your reputation precedes you.”

After having his dominant hand nearly crushed into pieces by the Mahjarrat grip, Jahaan regretted the act of courtesy. To Hazeel, he asked, “How did you get out of your coma?”

“Coma?” Hazeel fumbled the foreign word on his tongue. “If you mean the state of sleep those cowards put me in, I have Zamorak himself to thank for my liberation. He awoke me upon his return. After all, I am like a brother to him.”

“You missed a few Rituals though,” Jahaan winced, his eyes boring into the hollow sockets of Hazeel’s skull. “How do you feel?”

“I… am weakened, it is true,” Hazeel regretfully informed. “My life force is critical. I shall not be able to accompany you on whatever mission Zamorak has planned for us today. Once the next Ritual of Rejuvenation is complete, finally I will retake what is rightfully mine.”

“Ardougne?” Jahaan hazarded a guess.

“Precisely. I will reclaim that which was taken from me, just as Zamorak intends to reclaim the Stone of Jas.”

Khazard put a gloved hand on Hazeel’s thin shoulder. “There was a time when between us we controlled all of southern Kandarin. Our reign was glorious. With the combined might of our forces, we will crush them like ants under foot.”

Smiling with an empty jaw, Hazeel replied, “It has been too long, Khazard.”

“You taught me how to conquer. Now it is my turn to help you.”

Despite feeling like he’d awkwardly stumbled into a nice little bonding moment between the two Mahjarrat, Jahaan tried his luck with the Zaros question once again. Thankfully, Hazeel’s response was much more measured.

“Zaros was unfit to rule,” Hazeel declared. “We never spoke with him, or saw him in public. He only ever conferred with that pious Azzanadra. Zamorak spoke the truth, that the Empire was stagnating, the priesthood - headed by Azzanadra - was corrupt, and that we had to take back control.”

“And you, Khazard?” Jahaan inquired.

“I was born into the Zamorakian forces,” Khazard replied. “I am the youngest of my brothers, born on Gielinor during the God Wars. My mother, Palkeera, died during the Battle of Uzer, shortly after my birth.”

“And your father?”

Shrugging, Khazard attempted to look nonchalant, but his eyes darkened slightly. “No doubt he perished too.”

The last person Jahaan was ‘reintroduced’ to was Nomad, a Soul Mage that Jahaan had the pleasure of encountering once before, and it was NOT a pleasant experience. He was undying, a man that had cheated Death numerous times and had somehow grown in power after every defeat. Nomad was known to be an apprentice of the late Lucien, before obtaining enough power and battle prowess to challenge his former master.

Nomad’s large bald head had blue veins appearing through the thin skin, drawing patterns like a trail map. His stance was perplexing, too; he was crouched down like he was about to break into a sprint any second, with an arm bent to guard his scarf-covered mouth. His jagged staff was held behind him, traces of blue energy emitting from the point. He was quite a bulky gentleman, with armour blending in among his robes, the combination providing decent magical and melee protection.

Though Nomad was still technically a human, his obsession with souls and magic had corrupted him over the years, making him something more and, simultaneously, something less than a mere man.

Oddly, Jahaan found himself sympathising, if only somewhat. After the power Guthix had bestowed upon him, making him the World Guardian, Jahaan no longer felt like a mere mortal anymore. Perhaps it was narcissism? Perhaps it was naivety? Whatever it was, it was a feeling Jahaan couldn’t shift…

It wasn’t long before Zamorak graced the chamber with his presence, teleporting in just in front of the throne; the Mahjarrat only bowed their heads in respect, while the others took to their knees. Jahaan remained standing.

“Arise, my disciples of chaos,” Zamorak began, motioning for them to stand. He stepped forward from the throne and settled between Moia and Bilrach. “Good to see you all again. Now, I’ll get right to it. If you don’t already know, we’re going to steal the Stone of Jas from Sliske. I’m not playing his stupid games any longer - just like I taught you, we’re going to take what is ours through strength and chaos!”

The cheers were interrupted by Moia who declared, “My lord, apologies for the disruption, but Viggora has returned. I can sense him.”

Smirking, Zamorak replied, “Perfect timing. Khazard, I need you to enter the Shadow Realm and get Viggora.”

“As you command,” Khazard nodded, stepping forward to gain some ground. He concentrated hard, his eyes closed and fists clenching, but… nothing. Bafflement turned into panic as he failed once more to disappear into the shadows. Darting his eyes towards Hazeel, he exclaimed, “I can’t enter the Shadow Realm!”

Puzzled, Hazeel calmly stepped beside him and tried the same motions, but to no avail. Gravely, he turned to Zamorak and declared, “My lord, I fear Sliske has been meddling with our ability to enter the Shadow Realm. I had sensed something afoul. I believe he has corrupted the boundary. I do not know how this is possible, but it is the only explanation.”

Sighing, Zamorak said, “It’s okay. Only that bastard Zarosian is a better manipulator of the shadows than you two. The failure is not on your shoulders - it’s just another reason to strip his power away. Can you at least create a window into the Shadow realm so that we can see Viggora, even if you can’t enter yourself?”

“I’ll try, my lord,” Khazard responded. With a few motions of his hand, and a slight strain on his part, a large enough window into the darkened mists of the Shadow Realm was created and a figure emerged on the other side. He was bald, but sported a radical two-pronged beard and a bulky suit of steel armour, trimmed in black. There was also the small matter of him being translucent.

When he saw Zamorak, he knelt. “WoOoooooOOoo.”

Crinkling his brow, Jahaan looked around him in bafflement, wondering, Did… did anyone else hear that?

“So it’s true,” Zemouregal stepped forward, a slash of a grin on his face. “Viggora, I’d heard you lost your mind, doomed to wander the Shadow Realm for all eternity.”

Moia quickly realised that Jahaan did not speak ‘ghost’, and lacking a spare ghostspeak amulet that the other non-Mahjarrat had thought to bring with them, acted as his translator.

“Zamorak's return broke the curse that was laid upon me,” Viggora stated. “I may be confined to this realm, but my mind is my own, at last.”

Zamorak had warmth in his expression that Jahaan had only witnessed fleetingly before. “I think back to that night on which we marched upon Zaros. It was beyond living memory that this many of us stood together. Rise, Viggora. What information do you bring?”

“My search took me deep into the swamps of Morytania, to the Barrows where Sliske's undead servants rest. There I discovered his lair, my lord. A stones throw to the south.”

“More. What more did you find?”

“I passed deeper into the lair, past tricks and contraptions. It was at the heart that I found it.”

“The Stone is there?” Zamorak’s eyes grew hungry.

Viggora confirmed, “Yes, Legatus Maximus Zamorak. In a cavernous vault behind a bolstered door. In the Shadow Realm he hides it.”

“You’re one of my most exalted followers, Viggora,” Zamorak commended, “If I could give you back your life, I would.”

Bowing slightly, Viggora stated, “It is my duty. I am forever in your service.”

Enakhra asked, “What else can you tell us about the defences?”

“On your way to the vault you will find several rooms, trapped and guarded,” Viggora explained, “The door preventing entry to the vault will be particularly problematic - an intricate system of rune locks and trickery. Inside, I could see the Stone of Jas. That is all I know.”

Nodding to his ally, Zamorak said, “Thank you, Viggora. That will be all.”

“Good luck to you all. Through chaos, victory is in your hands.”

With that, Viggora disappeared, and Khazard let the window to the Shadow Realm drop, visibly relieved at being allowed to relax his hold.

Zemouregal stepped into the centre of the circle that had formed, barking, “Let us strike now! We have the Stone's location - we must storm Sliske's lair by force!”

“Predictable,” Enakhra muttered. “No, we must plan. This opportunity cannot be squandered.”

“Enakhra is right,” Zamorak agreed. “Sliske will be able to teleport the Stone away. He must not be alerted.”

Lord… something or other… added, “If I may speak, it would seem our best option is a stealthy approach.”

“Leave it to me,” Nomad boasted, “The guards will pose no threat. I'll be back with the Stone before sundown.”

“Ha! A likely story,” Zemouregal snapped back. “No, I’m best suited for this mission. Sliske won’t even know what-”

“Quiet!” Zamorak cut in abruptly. “You will ALL be needed for this mission. Here’s what’s gonna happen: the World Guardian is resistant to divine power, so if that smug bastard really has become a god, he can’t hurt Jahaan. Jerrod’s an agile guy, he can stealthily take out the guards in the outer chambers. Moia’s got a unique memory infiltrating ability; they won’t be able to defend against something like that. Daquarius, you’re a smart guy, you’ll be good at breaking the rune locks on the vault door. Enakhra and Nomad, your mastery of magic is going to be our tank power against whatever Sliske throws at you. Khazard, despite Sliske having handicapped your ability to enter the Shadow Realm, you can still open windows, which is damn important - that’s where he’s got the Stone, after all. Zemouregal, you’re a necromancer even more capable than Sliske, so show his undead hordes no mercy. And Bilrach, you’re gonna lead this group.”

“It would be my honour,” Bilrach bowed lowly, ignoring the side-eye Zemouregal was giving him.

“I will remain with Zamorak,” Hazeel stated. “In my weakened state, I will be more of a hindrance than a help. Once you reach the Stone, Khazard has a communication device that will be able to alert me, and I will inform Lord Zamorak who will be able to retrieve the Stone from the Shadow Realm.”

“But if Khazard can’t get into the Shadow Realm, what makes you think you’ll be able to?” Jahaan asked Zamorak.

However, the reply instead came from Zemouregal who barked, “You dare question our lord’s power?!”

Holding an easing hand out to Zemouregal, Zamorak broke into a sinister sneer and assured, “If we can’t get the Stone out ourselves, we’ll just have to make Sliske get it out for us. You understand?”

Gulping, Jahaan did.

Bilrach added, “I must remind you all, do not underestimate Sliske. I have sensed his power growing rapidly for some time now. He seems to flit in and out of my reach. In and out of focus. He knows I can sense him. Curious, yes. The Shadow Realm, perhaps.”

Resting his hands on the hilts of his swords, Jahaan cautioned, “I've dealt with Sliske before. Despite his demeanour, he’s not to be taken lightly.”

“Wise words. Another reason why you were chosen,” Zamorak replied. “The snake has taken a vested interest in you. Though if everything goes to plan, the filthy Zarosian won’t have time to react.”

General Khazard hesitantly ventured, “What… what if the plan goes wrong?”

Zamorak’s confidence helped to assuage his doubts. “Then it will be chaos, and you will be in your element. Embrace it and realise your true potential. Now, move out. Head to Morytania and meet up at Sliske’s hideout. Let’s stick it to that daft bastard once and for all.”

DISCLAIMER:

As Of Gods and Men is a reimagining, retelling and reworking of the Sixth Age, a LOT of dialogue/characters/plotlines/etc. are pulled right from the game itself, and this belongs to Jagex.

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#runescape #zamorak #zemouregal #enakhra #moia #nomad #khazard #hazeel

[bffhreprise]

Entry 294

 I took a deep breath to try to calm my nerves as I drove up the incredibly long driveway of Somerset Estate.  The gate had opened for me, which had been amazing by itself.  No.  I was supposed to be here.  Today, I would have an interview for Best Friend For Hire.  No sweat.  I was going to meet someone to give me my interview, I’d dazzle them, and thank them for hiring me.  My heart was pounding even harder.  How was I going to do this!?

 “I’m sorry, Kayla, but you got the…” I started mumbling to myself before stopping.  “You got the right brother for the job.  I’m not going to let you down.” I finished, promising myself as much as my kid sister.

 This was just another interview.  Nothing crazy about showing up to sweet talk someone into giving you a good job.  At least, that was what I was trying to believe as the mansion grew larger and larger at my approach.  The center and one of the wings was three stories tall.  The other was two stories and still imposing in its length.  Then there was the yard…

 Immaculately shaped bushes saluted me with green swords held high on each side of the driveway.  More fantastical shapes spotted the enormous front yard.  The place was the size of a large park, even having a forested section in the distance.  At least, I was assuming the forest was part of this place.  I had seen the same fence over there from the road.  Once I was close enough to realize that the driveway’s fountain is larger than my car, I could see the intricate carvings all around it as if there was an entire story just in that piece.

 I cursed and swerve, having nearly hit a girl.  Where did she come from?  Slamming on my breaks, I quickly slammed the car in park, unfastened my seatbelt, and got out, almost walking into a very short maid with extremely long, reddish hair.

 “I’m so sorry!  Are you okay!?” I asked, trying to see if she looked injured.

 The pristine maid smiled and said, “Welcome to our humble abode, Jemal Castello.  Please, follow me.”

 “B-But… my car…?” I started as she walked away.

 “No one will disturb it, and we don’t care where you’re parked.  You are the only interview today.” she assured me without even glancing back.

 I jogged a few steps to catch up, feeling like a giant next to the short girl.  At six-foot-one, I was a reasonably large man, but I didn’t typically tower over someone by so much.  “S-Sorry.  What’s your name?”

 “You may call me ‘Mila’.  Though I bear a striking resemblance to the master’s fiancée, please try not to confuse us for one another.  The maid uniform should be a hint to who is who.” she replied as the two sets of double doors opened one after the other of their own accord to let us into the house.

 “I’ll do my best.” I promised.  My eyes were drawn to the twin stairs leading up to a balcony where I half-expected James to be standing.  He wasn’t.  The place reminded me of castles in movies with the lavish adornments everywhere.

 As we walked, Mila expounded on the estate’s history as well as the history of various pieces of art that caught my attention.  Her casual manner was relaxing.  We didn’t seem rushed for time, and I had shown up a bit earlier than I meant.

 Surprisingly, she took me all the way up the large flight of stairs at the end of the hall.  Was I going to meet someone important to the company?  The lavishness certainly didn’t cease.  Where the art downstairs had looked expensive, the stuff up here struck me as priceless.  At very least, the displays were embedded into the walls with protective glass guarding each painting.  A large vase was cordoned off as if we were in a museum.

 Mila motioned to a large, wooden door, and it opened for me to enter.  Inside James Michael Somerset III strode toward me, and I found myself staring up when he reached me.

 “W-Wow.” I muttered as I accepted his handshake, embarrassed a second later as what I said registered.

 “Yes?” questioned James, smiling and releasing my hand.

 “Nothing.  Sorry.” I told him.

 “Take a deep breath, have a seat, and relax.” he told me, motioning to one of the chairs in front of the desk as he walked around it.

 I did as he said, shocked by the feel of the seat the moment I touched it.  “Whoa.”  Despite looking like leather, this wasn’t.  Something soft as a baby’s bottom coated the chair, but I didn’t completely sink into it either.  There was just enough firmness that I didn’t have to fight to remain upright.

 “The seats feel a little different than they look.” acknowledge James with a knowing smile.

 “No kidding, but they’re really soft.  What is this?” I questioned.

 Now seated and still smiling, he said, “It’s complicated.  Why do you feel you’d be an excellent addition to Best Friend For Hire?”

 The question jarred me out of this quasi-fantasy and back to the game ahead.  I needed this job for Kayla’s sake.  “Oh.  Right.  Sorry.  Well… ummm..” I started, but my mind was blank.  “I-I’m a hard worker, fast learner, and I won’t let you down.” I blurted, the words rushing out after my brain finally started moving again.

 “What if I ask the impossible of you?” he questioned, looking serious.

 “P-Pardon?” I asked, not sure what to think of the question.

 “What if I ask you to do something beyond your limits?” he inquired, smiling slightly.

 “I dunno.  I mean… well, I-I’ll try anything you say.” I assured him, realizing I didn’t honestly know the limits to what all this job entailed.  “That’s what we do here, right?  Try to please people no matter their request?”

 James’ smile grew, but he said, “No, actually.  We try to act as a best friend for our clients, always pursuing their best interests but never being afraid to tell them if they’re in the wrong.  Part of your schedule as an employee here will be training in numerous things, such as martial arts.  I would want you to be the type of best friend who can protect yourself as well as those around you, but I never want you to feel you have to be a hero, just the best possible friend you can be.  The skills of those here vary greatly.  Aaliyah, my secretary, is the president of Global Princess Entertainment, which made Ancient Tribes of Earth, currently the most successful video game on the market.  Emma is the best gardener you’ll ever meet.  Our chef, Marco, has yet to make a meal that is less than exceptional.  Jarod is a self-made millionaire due to his engineering prowess.  Mila is a self-aware Artificial Intelligence capable of tending to everyone’s needs with exceptional skill and care, often foreseeing a need before it even arises.  What can you bring to the team?”

 My heart was sinking as he spoke.  I knew I couldn’t compete with any of that, not yet at least.  I could tell that he was a great guy, and he obviously had amazing people… Did he say Mila was an A.I.?  Was that a joke?  What if she was?  I needed to respond…  “Umm… uh… P-perseverance.  I don’t have any skills as incredible as those sound, but I will stick to the task at hand until I see the job done right.  You’ll never find anyone with more determination than me.”

 “You might be surprised.” he stated, still smiling.  “Can you juggle?”

 I stared at him uncomprehendingly.  “What?  No.  Sorry.  Is that something I’ll be doing?  I’m sure I can learn.”

 He shrugged and said, “Sorry.  I really need to work on my skills as an interviewer, having never needed to be interviewed for a job myself.  I wasn’t inclined to get a more typical job, so I made this company.”

 “I know, sir.  Er… umm… I read about you founding the company on the site when I applied, not about your interview skills.  T-those seem fine.” I assured him, not willing to argue.  He certainly knew how to make a person nervous… but there was something relaxing about him too.  He seemed so self-assured, even while admitting to being a lousy interviewer.

 “You failed to place an emergency contact on your application, and your résumé could use some work on the formatting.  We can help you on both accounts.  I’m sure you’ll fit in here just fine.” he stated, holding out his hand across the desk.

 I stared in shock at his hand, not remembering what to do as I struggled to comprehend his words.  “Y-You’re hiring me?”

 He nodded, and I grasped his hands with both of mine as if he were pulling me from the lake.

 “Thank you, sir.  Thank you!  I won’t let you down!” I assured him.  My heart was racing, and I was sweating.  I quickly let go of his hands, hardly believing what just happened.

 As he walked around the desk, he said, “Please, just call me ‘James’.  Everyone does.  Well, not everyone, but there’s no need to call me ‘sir’ all the time.”

 “But Master, Mother loves calling you ‘sir’.” asserted Mila.

 I spun around, looking for her.  Where was she?

 “As I told you, Mila’s a sophisticated A.I.  She’s integrated throughout the house, many of the vehicles, and phones as well as the body who greeted you at the door.” he explained nonchalantly.

 “Welcome to Best Friend For Hire, Jemal.” she stated, her voice coming from hidden speakers in the room.

 “T-That’ll take some getting used to.” I admitted, still trying to make myself believe the words.  I couldn’t see any reason James would be lying, but… wow.  She had seemed so lifelike.  “When do I start?”

  “After you move in, assuming you will want to live here.  I suppose you could start immediately if you don’t.  There’s a wing dedicated to employee housing, and Marco provides exceptional meals.” explained James, looking as if he had no doubt what I’d choose.

 “Oh… umm...  How do you feel about kids?  Ya see, I’ve got a kid sister whom I need to look after.” I replied, hoping against hope that we could live here together.  I was already behind on rent, and our meals had been… frugal… since her mom left.

 Nodding, James said, “Kayla can live here too.  The second floor of the employee wing has some accommodations for families.  They’re not large, but the entire first floor of the main building is open for everyone’s use.  There’s also the employee rec center where you can get some exercise if you feel like a swim, lifting weights, or anything of that nature.  If you have any questions, Mila’s always available to help out.”

 “What… umm...  How did you know my sister’s name?” I asked, certain that I hadn’t told him.

 “Aaliyah does a thorough background check on everyone who applies.  Though use of magic on these grounds is encouraged, I do ask that you don’t ever use magic in front our clients, save as a last resort to protect someone.” stated James as if he were just making conversation.  “Come along.  I’ll give you a tour.”

 “Magic!?  What?” I asked, staring at his back.

 Glancing back, he said, “Yes, you’re able to create telekinetic effects whenever you’re emotional or really focused.  That’s a result of inborn magical ability.  Such things are perfectly normal here.”

 Nothing he said was normal, but he knew.  I quickly walked after to catch up to him, staring hard at Mila, who was waiting for us in the hall.  She looked human.  Beautiful, maybe a bit exotic, but she was obviously human.  Having caught James, I still wasn’t letting go of his comment on magic.  “You’re joking.” I asserted, staring as a light appeared over his hand… just floating there.  Magic light.

 “Though not a requirement, most people here have ‘gifts’ of this nature.  My fiancée can create enormous amounts of heat, enough to vaporize a city from what I’ve heard.  Emma’s skill with gardening is aided by her ability to manipulate plants in a very large area, causing them to grow and flourish or even revert to seeds at her whim.  You’ll see.” he claimed.  “Along with lessons in martial arts, I give lessons in magic every morning.  Your sister’s welcome to join us.  I understand she has similar abilities to your own, though slightly stronger.”

 “What kind of background service did you use!?” I exclaimed, realizing I was practically yelling at my boss just after the words left my mouth.  “Sorry, sir… er… James.  T-That’s just not the type of stuff on public record.”

 He came to a stop again and looked into my eyes with a soul-piercing gaze.  “Trust me on this: Aaliyah’s explanations are so incredibly thorough that everyone will question your sanity if you attempt to even read your employment contract in full.  I can only imagine the weeks you’d spend listening if she were to explain her background check process.”

 “Oh, Master, you’ll spoil all of Mother’s fun!” exclaimed Mila from behind me.  She was smiling, but looked just like I’d expect a proper maid to be…. so human.

 Looking back to James, I nodded, following him as he walked down the stairs.

 After the first flight, he asked “Is Cosette in?”

 “She’s currently on a job, Master.” replied Mila.

 He nodded and continued on ward.  He casually waved to rooms as we passed, stating their purpose all the way down the hall where we stepped into a very large kitchen.  “Jemal, this is Marco.  Marco, Jemal.”

 “Piacere di conoscerti.” stated Marco as he shook my hand.

 I replied in Italian, telling him I was pleased to meet him as well.  After he asked, I explained that I learned Italian from my father, who had lived in Italy as a boy.  Marco insisted that we have a good talk sometime, but encouraged me to go onward, after having James and I taste his stracciatella semifreddo that was to be for tonight’s dessert.  I had no words for how incredible it tasted.

 The tour continued and I met more of my coworkers up until Mila said I needed to pick Kayla up from school.  They knew everything here.  Before I left, James insisted that I let him and company help me with the move as soon as I was ready.  I was so thankful that I nearly cried.  Life really was getting better.

#Best Friend For Hire Reprise #Best #Friend #For #Hire #Reprise #Jovial Times #Jovial #Times #Fantasy #Fiction #Story

[aether-mae]

Overload - part 6

Part 5 here

Jameson pulled his hands out of Marvin’s grip as if he had just touched scalding water. Wide eyes flew around the room frantically, yet knowingly. He looked over to Jackie and signed, were in a time loop.

Jackie squinted and pushed a hand through his hair, “wait. What was that last part?”

Jamie skirted around the table, and a very confused Marvin, while he signed, time loop, time loop, Jackie, this was planned. He paced the table, flipping out his pocket watch and examining the front and back.

“J, what does this mean? How do we help the others?” Marvin snapped.

I don’t know, Jamie signed. I don’t know. Someone is preventing me from fixing this. Ive been here before, I don’t know how many times. Someone doesn’t want me to succeed if they keep bringing me back.

Jackie pushed himself off the wall and put a hand on Jameson’s shoulder. “Jamie, slow down. Who’s ‘someone’, what would they want in putting our brothers in a snow globe?”

Jackies eyes widened as he said this and he spun to look at Marvin. “Magic”, he said. “The globe stole your magic, right? This must be a trap for you that- that the others just found by mistake!”

Marvin pushed down his mask and his eyes fell on the snow globe, still sitting in a now lukewarm towel.

“It’s not a trap, because I made it.”

Jackie stilled. “What?”

“I didn’t mean to, I just couldn’t sleep and nothing was working and it...it hurt, Jackie. Somethings wrong. Somethings been wrong for a while,” Marvins hand absently felt along the scars over his eyes. “It’s like my magic’s not mine, it’s like it’s overflowing. I didn’t mean to trap them, I’m sorry. This is all my fault.”

Marvin dropped his head into his arms and peered into the snowglobe. He could see Chase curled up next to Schneep with his head on the others shoulder. Their backs are pressed to the glass trying to draw any heat from the outside, with Schneep’s coat wrapped between them. The fight had long since drained from them, leaving a shivering bundle of hope and desperation.

They’re running out of time.

Jackie came up behind Marvin to put a hand on his shoulder. “It’s gonna be ok. We’ll figure this out,” he said, but at this point something in Marvin snapped. He stood up, took the snowglobe in his hand and hurtled it straight into the wall next to them.

Glass, snow and magic shattered in a shockwave which threw all 5 brothers into the walls. Snow engulfed the dining room and poured through the kitchen and hallway. Shneep was thrown across the table like a rag doll while Chase crashed against the open door, rendered unconscious by the impact. The brothers who had been in the room already found themselves pinned to the walls, embedded in metre high snow.

Marvin stood shock still as Jackie screamed, “what the actual fuck!?”

His mussles tensed against the sudden cold and he was pretty sure their was glass buried in his cheeks again, but the magician let out a deep breath he didn’t know he had been holding. “So, did I fix it?”

Jackie and Jameson sprung into action, wading through the deep snow to reunite with their brothers. While Jamie tended to a badly bruised Schneep -pulling him up to take to his own clinic- Jackie pulled Chase up into a sitting position to inspect the bleeding on his forehead, all the while he mumbled, “yeah, I don’t know Marv. That was a pretty reckless and stupid thing to do there, but you freed them- from the mess you created of course. I think it’s best you work out a way to solve this snow problem before the house floods, ok?”

Marvin took a moment to coax his breathing back to a steady pace before flicking his wrist to summon his wand and mask to his hands. Donning the mask with a practiced hand he mumbles a displacement spell to send the snow someplace far away, a pond or something. He doesn’t care.

x-x

Jameson finds Marvin in his room, curled by the foot of his bed with his cape wrapped around him like a blanket. He raps on the door to alert his older sibling of his presence. Marvin startles and drops the book, gazing bright blue eyes up to Jamie through the holes of his mask. I want to talk, he signs.

Marvi shuffles over and gestures for his brother to sit down, “uh, sure J. How are the others?”

Chase is still asleep, probably just fatigue, and Schneep is up and about trying to convince Jackie to let him help take care of Chase, but he’s been forced to return to bed. Jamie gives a light chuckle, but his eyes are void of emotion.

Marvin, he signs his name, pointing two fingers on either side of his head like cat ears before brushing them across his cheeks like whiskers. It’s about that time loop. I don’t remember when I traveled to. I don’t remember returning to the present. All I’m certain about is that I had sat opposite you on that table before, and that somethings lingering, watching me, making me repeat that moment.

Jameson turned his head to meet Marvin’s, eyes shining with desperation. It’s the glitch. I know it, I can feel it and I hate that. Jamie’s hands begin to shake and he can almost feel the strings around his wrists. He’s not a puppet, but his memories and his powers are being turned against him, rendering him helpless.

His older brother leans back against the bed with a sigh, pushing his mask back. “No, J, it can’t be. I told you, this was my fault.”

Jameson shook his head vigorously, sighning, No trust me! It wasn’t your fault, I can tell, I think we’re in danger-

Marvin put his hands over Jamie’s to scilence him, “J, I know you’ve had your troubles with Anti in the past but you can’t just-“. Jameson recoiled his hands immediately from his brothers grasp, his hands moving furiously.

Troubles?! You say that as if he tied my shoes together, or hid my favourite hat, not possess me and control my own free will! No, you don’t get to say that. Stop being selfish and trust me for once. Jameson’s hands were gripped tightly by his side to stop them visibly shaking. Marvin didn’t understand. He didn’t understand anything.

From behind his mask Marvin’s eyes darkened. When he spoke, his voice was laced with a cruel mixture of frustration, guilt, utter exhaustion and tainted magic. “Jameson, shut the f͢͞u̧ç̷k ̕ų͠p̶̷.̀͠”

At this Jamie’s hands stilled and unfurled. His eyes became glazed and unfocused, and he sat silently awaiting his next command. In Jameson’s mind, he could no longer find a difference between Marvin and the glitch.

His brother, on the other hand, crumbled immediately. His own words sent daggers through his heart and he wished he could take it back. Especially given Jamie’s reaction. “J. Jamie, I’m so sorry. You can speak, ok? I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m an idiot. Please say something.” He pulled the younger ego into a hug but felt him flinch. Within a second Jameson was pushing himself out of his brothers grip and scrambling backwards in fear and betrayal.

Watching him run from the room, Marvin pulled off his mask and hurled it at the wall, only for another person to reach out and grab it.

Next

#jacksepticeye #marvin the magnificent #jameson jackson #chase brody #jackieboy man #dr schneeplestein #antisepticeye #mae writes