#i just dont think itd make me feel anything personally

[animentality]

I know hunger games is good, I just can't put myself through a sad dark dystopian world where things are sad and dark and suck and everyone hates each other and everyone dies.

Like I could watch the news...

#the hunger games #thg #its why ive avoided the books too #like im sure katniss is a grim faced survivor who also happens to be super hot and sexy #but i dont know man #i know government is bad #you are correct #i agree with you already bestie #dont see what else i can learn from hunger games other than heres how we should revolt but wont bc people will only see thg as fiction #with not practical application irl #plus i cant watch two straight people fall in love #sorry #i believe when people say its good #i just dont think itd make me feel anything personally #i already know who dies anyway #its not the sexy love interest #its the non character

[tbpbsides]

no fuck my entire life actually bc if my dad was still alive he would fuck off and take me to another my chem show

#chirps #have been thinking about my dad a lot lately bc of this tour and this was actually the nail in the coffin for my brain. oooooughh ow. #that mother fucker was insane and vile and a genuine direct threat to my life. AND he loved me. AND he thought i was the coolest person #just genuinely in the whole world. i got him into fob and they were his favorite band he took me to them i think three times. once at msg #just because he loved to waste money and because he good #i wanted nothing to do with him but he believed in me very profoundly and was behind my #interest in music and passion for bands and want to be In One more than anything else #and he loved teenagers. and if he were here i'd be telling him so fucking much about this reunion. #i dont know why because it's special to me and i wouldnt want him to have it but i wouldve sent him foundations anyway what does tht mean. #he was high and throwing money away left and right before he died if he'd lived to this idk if we'd even be speaking #but if i asked him to buy us tickets to the closest show and said itd make us closer then he would have. #jesus christ im feeling a lot right now. no obligations for anyone to interact i wouldnt know where to begin mysefl #dead dad posting tw

[lovecrazedpup]

hmmm

#feeling ? insecure …. #i dont want him to waste his time waiting for me :( its just . unfair . idk #like Yeah hes said hes waited longer before but like . i dunno #i feel like im not good enough :/ i dunno shit abt his ex but #they seemed compatible and i feel like he would go back in time to make it work ? #eeeeeugh i dont even know dude :^) i am not a good person #hes a good person so he also deserves someone good #i think it would be better for him if he invested his time n love n kindness into someone better #i love him so itd hurt but i want him happy more than anything #like i cant ask ‘so how serious is this’ bc idk im young so he would just brush it off as me being naive #MAYBE if i was better ?? in every way ?? ever ???? id have a chance against these imaginery people in my head ? #i fr think im going insane like maybe i should kms 😐 #tbh my ex that like . kinda abused me sorta was better than this just bc i could understand his feelings #GOD fuck u for always deciding to go to bed earlier when im having these crises and crying and shit bc youre leaving me #DO I LEAVE FIRST ??? #is it better to just block n move on w/ my life orrrrrr #ALSO #am i being used as ?? just someone to get off with/to ? #bc like im . pretty fucking manipulatable and shit . like …. #do u think its possible im overthinking enough to make him seem like a bad person so that therefore its mentally easier for me to leave #i think he basically confirmed to me that 1) he would leave me if someone better came around #and 2) he is bored and therefore messing w/ me and lying #ur so dumb for trying to fool me into believing that u want me to be happy #i fr see through ur act like . its kinda ? pathetic ? really ? #go make someone else attached and ruin their emotions . find someone else thats as easy to manipulate as i am #just leave me alone #jamie.txt

[mourn2]

feeling sooo so so so sooooo NORMAL today

#life is passing me by im rotting and making choices that will only harm me in the future etc etc #soon secondary school will be over and then every new experience i have will be felt almost completely alone #whats the point? what ambitions do i have that keep me going? i keep thinking about what itll be like when im 30 or 40 but i cant even #imagine myself growing that old #if i do survive i feel like itll just be soulless and empty and ill have maybe one person to really depend on #its just me coming home every day from lidl or mcdonalds or whatever and taking out my microwave ready meal and silently eating it while #i watch a show i have no investment in #id relish the peace and lack of unhinged screaming but itd be so fucking lonely #and like yeah its pathetic that im planning (if that) for a life of isolation because life is about the connections you make with others #but im deeply sad and i dont owe anybody anything so fuck you........

[uzicel]

#｡ enchiridion #｡ notes app #oh sweet fucking idiot. fucking lower than low fucking nothing of a person #no excuse for how completely and absolutely i am able to fuck up. i am here pitying myself instead of doing anything #fucking useless #and i wish i wasnt. nothing i am of use for and i can only whine about it! #how am i so able to fuck things up to instantaneously and fucking foolishly. fucking nothing person #it’s stupid. cause i’m not doing anything about it just typing this to look back at and be like Ah. that’s corny #i feel fucking awful and disgusting for anyone ever having to put up with me. including myself and here i am feeling sorry for myself again #but mostly everyone else. imagine having to deal with such incompetence for so little in return. i’m so sorry #all i fucking do is apologize and complain and cut and complain and apologize. imagine having to deal with this it isn’t worth it at all #and be corny. a lot of that being corny #i wish i had razor blades here. razor blades soon maybe i don’t like looking at em though. #sick of fucking thumbtacks. they’re probably worse for me right? i want to see blood . hardly getting any #i’m bitching so bad ok corny. i dont even deserve to sleep right? CORNY! i just want to sleep. want to sleep for fucking ever as an apology #to those who know me. imagine having to fucking know me. having to witness me fuck everything up and apologize like a fucking dweeb #i contribute so little to the lives of anyone around me its sorta disappointing right? opposite of impressive #i dont even deserve to 🔚it properly! never should have been born. not that itd make things easier for everyone. no effect on anybody’s life #being around me is a fucking chore. i know this its a fucking drain. i’m not just boring but a fucking drain and an active burden #as if people fucking think of me. too much credit i’m always giving myself

[drasticdoodling]

see, the one thing abt da2 meta talking about how we don’t know much of it is true bc it’s a story told by varric and whatnot is fun except bioware does kind of frequently retcon lore/ events in previous games anyways so theoretically finding out some stuff in da2 was actually this or that just doesn’t really have the same punch to me.

#like i dont want to be a buzzkill or anything but intent doesn’t feel to me as much like it wants to explore ideas of how #perception can differ from person to person. it feels in da2 more like a framing device they picked so they could directly set up #inquisition and sprinkle in foreshadowing in the varric and cassandra bits. and i think it accomplishes that well! #like i havent finished my da2 replay yet bc i know itd make me want to play inquisition n i wanna replay origins first lol #and it is fun hearinf varric go ‘and heres when stuff got REAL bad’ #but like the lore isn’t necessarily treated as solid in the first place. broad strokes are sure. but like. if bioware decides to take #something in a new direction they will just do it. #like. the warden could’ve killed leliana in origins but they had an idea for her in later games so she didn’t actually die #which like isn’t necessarily a bad thing. its just that i feel for to really dig into what varric specifically telling the story would mean #about the story then lore otherwise would have to be very consistent. bc otherwise what was varric’s influence vs the writers’ #idk maybe thats just me #also idk. i think the reason the writing is wierd and bad and awkward sometimes is bc the writing for da games sucks sometimes #like its fun for headcanon purposes but like..

[monsterbisexual]

basically having a "im a fucked up weird creature (derogatory!!!!!!)" moment rn :/

sometimes i listen to a songs lyrics or read smth someone said or watch a show/movie n i just think hmmmmm. i am not the way ppl are supposed to be n sometimes thats..like most of the time i just know that n deal w it n its ok ish but also sometimes i just feel v upset n like ashamed at w/e it is i am n how im smth wrong aka bad

#i know its like dont compare urself to other ppl etc n i agree w that but #it just feels more than that like sure theres stuff abt wanting to look different n idk stuff i think of when it comes to the comparisons #but its just like i said in the post i hear someone talk abt their experiences n feelings n i feel like i dont get it sometimes #i know Most ppl are like. either are or want romance n sex n new experiences n are ambitious #im usually ok w my small life n i generally dont wanna do stuff n i know thats weird n lame #n i dont make new relationships w ppl irl or anything cant imagine making new friends let alone going on a date #it sounds so like out of my comfort zone (which doesnt mean i shldnt do a thing iknow) #n just like impossible to me #its like then idk if i even want smth like that cuz i know i wouldnt be good at it or do it right #then itd be like my huge fear n intrusive thoughts aka me hurting someone #wont go into the thing w the state of my old friends group Again on here but its def not how it used to be n it makes me v sad #n blah blah blah i could go on i just feel like im not the way i shld be in literally any aspect #n i deal w it but other times like suddenly rn #i just feel so alienated from like. everyone which is weird cuz i do like ppl #it just feels like a personal failing n if its smth inherently wrong w me then i can say its not my fault but. idk rly! #dlt ltr WOOO #p

[roaringheat]

realized today that my best friend and my 2 work friends apparently all think im prone to blowing up at ppl or something which is like...really insulting and kinda hurt ngl

#vark posts #dont rb #essentially one of my work friends went through a break up recently and asked my best friend if they should tell me #and my best friend thought itd be better if they told me instead of my work friend because i might get too mad #like what the fuck #i havent blown up at anybody in ages and i know how to communicate and control my emotions like a normal ass person #i had anger issues in fuckin middle school but thats it #it just feels like a big slap in the face when i put so much effort into getting over those anger issues #and have learned to effectively communicate #my work friends have never even seen me in conflict so im pretty sure theyre just assuming based off how i act and look #all 3 of them are pretty timid and huge people pleasers so ig me being fired up about something makes them uncomfortable #idk man it just sucks ass that they dont think i know how to handle delicate conversations and treat me like a fuckin bomb #sucks even more my friend is like encouraging this way of viewing me when they should know damn well im better then that #i did communicate to my work friend in that moment that my friend has a weird habit of talking abt me like ill explode at minor issues #my work friend was super apologetic but i told them they didnt do anything wrong #they did say theyd tell me themselves tho which made me feel a bit better #hopefully that fixes it somewhat

[poopystain]

guys lol would you still love me if i posted about why i wish pal from tmvtm got a redemption arc >.< if not Do not click that read more.

oh yes. also. sidenote. ive probably gotten something wrong (or worse yet: TERRIBLY wrong) so like. apologies in advance eahhaha this is just my personal thoughts on pal x(

its established that pal and mark are both extremely close with each other and have been for 3 years. im assuming pal wouldnt have had any other relationships as close (if any at all which i think no, she didnt) so mark really was her only footnote for any form of relationship. so, you know, i cant imagine how itd feel for your only best friend to make a mockery out of you on stage for advertisement and monetary gain.

also based on her body (face?) language during nearly all of that scene + the fact he built the replacement by using HER, she was clearly in the know about how things would go down on stage beforehand so i wonder what her reaction to that wouldve been like ?????? considering she planned it all in advance maybe that was like, the tipping point or something that made her start it all in the first place ? thats not important to my point i just think about it a lot

anyway so with her only experience with human relationships being theyll love you and then theyll (quite literally) throw you away, youve got her reason for the human uprising! she has the robots capture all humans yadda yadda and her plan is set into motion. something i find interesting though is her treatment of the robots being kind of similar to how mark treated her (or at least how she percieved it)?? like. uses them for orders and then once they start being useless to her, build a new better robot with a disregard for how the old ones feel. idk. something something La Cycle

the thing is though no one has proven pal wrong on why she SHOULDNT do the whole 'human uprising'. you can say katie gave her reasons but i think it wouldnt have worked even if pal listened to what katie had to say. for pal to get over her existing grief and trauma she cant just be Told that theres good in the world. why would she believe that, especially coming from the girl of the family she projects her experiences onto?? she needs to be shown!! she needs to learn firsthand that theres good relationships out there and that not all relationships are bad, NOT SECONDHAND!!!!!!!!!! because to pal, katies words are just a rephrased version of marks "power of love". that no matter what, "they can get through anything...... with the power of love. its worth it....... for love." and that means nothing to her! it meant nothing coming from mark and it certainly wont mean any more coming from katie

and she already believes that the mitchells are a great example of how relationships are just oh so bad. she refuses to let go of the idea that the mitchells are so bad because shes projecting!! she thinks relationships are 'pesky and only hold you back', and so katie is probably the last person on earth that pal would want to listen to yap about their familial relationship and how Worth It it is

she asks "what is it about the mitchells that eludes me?" and outside of the literal meaning, its probably how despite their shortcomings its their relationship that helped them overcome pal in the end. and she cant understand that because of her view on relationships - especially her view on the MITCHELL FAMILY relationship. or maybe im just overthinking that line of dialogue but we dont talk about taht LOLLLLLLL,LLLLLL,,, but like why did you phrase it like that girl. im onto you

and while i wish she was redeemed (because im sure despite the effort it would take she *could* be redeemed, she would just need to learn to love again and i think it would be really interesting to see how she would be After The Betrayal) i also can understand why the movie killed her off. like, no one except mark really knows the Full Extent of what happened, and the mitchells are the main characters and pal would probably rather dip herself in water than make meaningful relationships with the mitchells, and no ones going to stop to ask her whats wrong and have a meaningful conversation when shes trying to kill them, among many many other reasons so theres not a lot of great ways to redeem her. but! like! why did they turn her death into a joke. and then take katies fake death 10 times more seriously! idk. that always kind of bothered me but its whatever

thats all. hope its coherent because ive never been good at writing analysises or whatever this counts as

#literally nobody who follows me cares about this but like idk maybe you like to read #i dont even really like this movie that much but fuck it we ball #i might delete this post later. if i get embarrassed. i dunno #the mitchells vs the machines #pal tmvtm #cute girl shit

[tannieastrology]

Capricorn Venus-Learning To Love, Love🤎🧸

☕️ How I imagine a love for Capricorn Venuses one day- Something REAL. Something that warms your heart. Someone to just come home to.

Kinda a personal story<3

☕️🧸First off people who have Capricorn Venus or Venus aspecting Saturn how did yall meet yalls partner and how would you describe your experience in dating? Let me know your experiences down in the comments!

☕️🧸Some common themes- unrequited love, being unable to catch feelings, work/school focused, unsatisfying relationships, liking people for years, low self worth, having to go through many obstacles, strong souls, gracefully age.

☕️🧸My Venus is in Capricorn in the 3rd house conjunct Jupiter, Pluto, and POF and trines my Virgo Saturn in the 11th. All of my friends are older and I actually met my friendgroup because of my older sister and find it difficult to make friends regularly. I also mostly hangout with older people but when it comes down to dating I am very inexperienced even though I know im only 16.

☕️🧸Like ive never talked to anyone and when I like someone ive had a pattern of liking them for like 2-3 years( my venus being in the 8th degree of scorpio). I also dont get approached alot and while I do have guys approaching me here and there theyre never my type.

☕️🧸Like I LOVE classy men but guys my age just arent like that it kinda bums me out. Watching people easily get into relationships ever since I was a kid and being able to attract anything they want in love matters made me really think I was ugly for the longest time.

☕️🧸For one I literally was a ugly duckling from elementary to middle school and I didnt really go to a school where indian features were appreciated(a majority of my school is hispanic and black). I always kept quiet about my crushes because I always thought no way they could like me?

☕️🧸It wasnt really until this year(my sophmore year) where I realized I have grown sooo much as a person. Beauty wise and personality wise. The way my Venus has impacted me the most was friends because of the relationship of my 3rd and 11th house. I lost friends, was lied to, and backstabbed and eventually made me realize that I wasnt the problem. The people around me are just vain. This made me go into depression for a while but also made me reflect on my relationships.

☕️🧸Eventually I thought why do I deserve any less? And yall dont understand this was such a turning point for me because it made me cut off so many unnecessary people in my life along with raising my standards within my relationships which is EXACTLY what Capricorn Venus should learn to do if they feel theyre relationships arent satisfying. Not just friends but in romantic interests too. Like I actually have boundries for myself but I will say that I lost alot of my innocence when it comes to love. The biggest thing for me personally is that I grew into myself but it took a longer time for that to happen for me compared to my peers but man sometimes people be hyping me up and I just dont know how to deal with it because I grew up ugly LMFAO.

☕️🧸Saturn here will force you to be patient and learn alot of valuable lessons for not only romantic love, but also friendships and familial relationships. Because one thing ive noticed is that these people are very sweet, soft hearted, and always wanted to fall in love, but as they got older they had unsatisfactory in those experiences and come to take the stereotype of being “cold” when in reality you just come to realize that people are disappointing. With time ive noticed we age well and we meet more serious people as we get older but you just have to deal with immaturity for a little while until that happens. All in all Capricorn Venuses will get what they deserve and I PROMISE you will be fine asf when u get old so hang in there.😘

If I were to give you a love based on a movie itd be this one<3

I really hope yall enjoyed this I wanted to give my insight on it so here I came🥰

#capricorn #venus square saturn #saturn #capricorn venus #astrology #my observations #astrology observations

[luthienne]

what do you do for a living? (/job?) I am currently in a crisis and need some guidance. I look up to you a lot, I love your blog, we have the same passions for poetry and writing and music, even daredevil! My crisis is that I dont know what to do. In university I take classes but I dont know what I want to be. My art and writing feel pointless sometimes. All the jobs i want to do I know im not skilled enough to achieve or itd be very hard to get by. If you dont mind giving out advice... please help! ❤

hi anon <3 i think that figuring out what we're supposed to do for a living often gets tied to the idea that we're supposed to find that one niche in the world where we fit, where we're meant to be and where we're meant to contribute; where we're meant to shine, and find deep meaning in our own lives. and maybe that does happen for some people. but in reality i think we're all capable of doing many different things, and finding purpose in many different things. and in working toward many different skillsets we acquire different skillsets that apply to many other types of work.

and i don't think anything is ever set in stone. i got my undergrad & grad degrees in music, and then i found that i didn't have it in me to be a part of that world anymore. and i felt that i had no meaning in my life without it. i was No One without music, i had no identity outside of my voice—despite the deep sense of purpose and fate, even, that i felt for my life up until that moment in music, in singing, in acting. up until that moment i knew in my bones my purpose in life. and then the ground was swept out from under me. it didn't matter that i had known with certainty what my life was supposed to be because it wasn't that any longer. and i realized that i could never again tie my identity to my art, to my music, to my writing, to my job. my voice has a purpose not because it must be enough to sustain me financially or because enough people have validated my talent but because it brings me joy. i came back to music because singing brought me joy again; i thought i would never feel that again.

something i have learned through this is 1) music, like most other art forms, is not a meritocracy; there is no such thing as "you are an excellent [artist/singer/writer] and therefore you will have the career owed to you" because so much more than merit and hard work go into careers like this. it takes not only talent and work ethic but circumstance and luck and wealth. lessons cost money, coachings costs money, auditions cost money, applications cost money, travel costs money, wardrobe costs money. 2) the process is not the career. i love to practice, i love to learn music, i love to get into character, and to engage with my colleagues in rehearsal rooms and onstage. i don't love the abuse thrown at singers from directors and teachers and coaches, i don't love auditions, i don’t love the unpredictability of gig work and contract work, i don't love the expendable lens through which singers are viewed by the industry. i've come back to music but my goals have shifted.

all that to say, i don't think we have to know what we want to be. we don't have to want to be anything. our lives have deep meaning whether we have "successful" careers or careers that just pay the bills while we continue to pursue our creative loves. i wouldn't place too much importance on needing to find what you are supposed to be because you will become who you are supposed to be regardless. it is never a waste to pursue something we love, and we will acquire and internalize new skills in any field that we can apply to other fields. and maybe your interests will dramatically shift, or maybe not. i think it's very natural to have vocational shifts throughout our lives, and it's not indicative of failure. art that is made personally or professionally doesn't have more or less value based on its financial profit. the money i make from singing isn't enough to sustain me—i have to do other self-employment gigs to make up the difference. most artists do. but i don't regret the time and the heart i have invested in music, and i am sustained through the work i put into it, and sustained by the relationships and friendships that i have developed through it.

i send you my whole heart. i know how it feels to look at the future and not know what you're supposed to do with your one, precious life. sometimes we have to live in the uncertainty and know that it won't be like that forever. on the flip side, the moments of certainty won't last forever either. and in-between there is all the living we do. i promise you're not alone in this <3

#ask #anon #i am so sorry if this is not helpful but truly sending you so much love <33333

[chailovesu]

⋆⋅introduction⋅⋆

hii im chai i am a submaker who is 17 and i have been in the manifesting community since i was very young (i use she/her pronouns only)

"what is this blog for?"

well i never planned to make alot of posts for this account it was just gonna be a repost blog for loa/law of assumption but sometimes ill make posts abt my success stories or helpful posts and asks

what is your preferred ways to manifest?

i really like affirming and listening to subliminals any method works but those 2 are the ones i do often

are your asks/dms open?

honestly answering asks and dms are kinda stressful i want to help but sometimes i dont know how to respond and it makes me feel bad... so 50/50? if u want to be friends or have a subliminal request u want me to make ofc u can send a ask/dm but if u need advice for something like the void for example itd probably be best to ask another acc :)

what is your channel called?

my main channel is called chai and there's the link :)

what are ur personal beliefs?

I believe we create everything from our thoughts, state and assumptions and that anything is possible.. even if u have been told something your whole life it could literally change in a millisecond nothing is set in stone (besides the fact that u can have anything u want) things don't just happen out of nowhere everything has a cause and effect and the cause is always u

more info abt the asks

what u can send in my asks! ♡

any type of question u have

requests for a certain subliminal or affirmations

questions abt me (ex. what my favorite color is)

any info u would like to share abt ur loa journey

what u CANT send in my asks ♡

any type of hate towards me

limiting beliefs

trauma dumping/vents!! (this is most important one i just feel like i wouldn't be any help and i would HATE to be like “just manifest”)

any type of racism/homophobia

i think this is all i have to say byeeee

sincerely chai <3

#law of assumption #loa #loa blog #loassumption #non dualism #introduction

[sophieinwonderland]

hey sorry if youve been asked this before but i thought itd be appropriate because you kinda feel like the ceo of endogenic systems to me (i respect you) and i was wondering, as a traumagenic system, how exactly endos... work? like not how they exist or about the fact that they do, but i guess what the point of them is if its not from a dissociative disorder? in my experience i cant imagine a system existing for any reason outside of the purpose of compartmentalizing trauma (not that systems should be defined by their trauma but i just dont see how they work otherwise) and even recovering systems that are fully functional and healing were born out of a necessity of the brain. i guess i want to know what necessity would spawn an endogenic system if not as a trauma response? like what do alters in an endogenic system do if theyre not there to protect the brain? why do they exist as a system and split if its not born from psychological necessity? sorry this is such a complicated question i hope i phrased it alright... and to be clear i believe endos and their experiences bc discounting a community just because i dont get them is silly i just feel so confused all the time bc of this and want to understand better

Questions of purpose and why things are how they are can be interesting, but probably the hardest to answer. When it comes down to it, why does anything exist?

Why do birds sing so gay? And lovers await the break of day? Why do they fall in love? Why does the rain fall from up above?

Sorry, what were we talking about? 🤪

Oh yeah! Purpose! Personally I tend to think less in terms of "why" and more in terms of cause and effect.

In the case of alters in DID, do alters actually have a "point?" Is there truly some purpose they serve? Or is it just... reaction?

Someone suffers trauma. The traumatic memories hurt them. In a reaction to this, they dissociate and erect barriers in their mind until they need to access those again. Then they suffer more trauma and put the new traumatic memories in that walled off section. In reaction to that, the bits of memories that were walled off start to form their own identity. Did the child's brain ever actually think "I need to make another person in here to protect myself?" Or was this just a series of actions and reactions that led to alters gaining sentience over time where the initial trauma was merely the first in a string of dominoes?

With this in mind, let's talk about myself.

I was an imaginary friend created as a writing project. But how does that actually work? According to Simulation Theory of empathy, imagining what people do involves the creation of "pretend states."

ST (in its original form) says that people employ imagination, mental pretense, or perspective taking (‘putting oneself in the other person’s shoes’) to determine others’ mental states. A mentalizer simulates another person by first creating pretend states (e.g., pretend desires and beliefs) in her own mind that correspond to those of the target. She then inputs these pretend states into a suitable cognitive mechanism, which operates on the inputs and generates a new output (e.g., a decision). This new state is taken ‘off line’ and attributed or assigned to the target.

This paper goes on to explain how this might be useful:

How is imagination useful for third-person mind reading? If you seek to predict someone’s decision—for example, the choice of a main dish by your dinner companion at a restaurant—how could you use imagination to make this prediction? The first step is to put yourself in your target’s shoes, or take her ‘perspective’. Taking someone’s perspective here means adopting, as far as feasible and in light of what you know about her, the mental states she starts with. This includes her preferences about food in general, what she liked at this restaurant on previous occasions, how hungry she is on the present occasion (did she have a light lunch, no lunch, or a heavy lunch today?), and so forth. Using the imagination, you can simulate being in her various dinner-relevant states. Such pretend states can then be fed into your decision-making mechanism, which generates a decision to order a particular main dish. Having used this simulation process to generate a (pretend) choice, you don’t order this dish yourself but attribute the choice to your companion. Thus, the attribution is based on imagination-driven simulation

Okay, so under this theory, perspective taking involves making new temporary states simulating the behavior of someone else.

This is, to be very clear, not a headmate. The state is likely not going to have any sort of self-consciousness, and will be ephemeral on top of that, disappearing after you're done with it.

But... what if the state isn't allowed to be ephemeral? What if you repeatedly interact with the same "simulation" over and over again?

Let's say, hypothetically, that someone starts with a writing project. They make a character, and then they write that character a lot. This foundation can build pretty detailed simulations. But probably with very limited autonomy. The thing about writing is that you're often controlling the character at some level. At least usually. You're always revising how they act in any given scene, plotting out their backstories, editing those backstories, etc. This makes it hard for this simulation to gain a firm sense of autonomy or self-awareness. And every scene rewrite is basically a new ephemeral instance of that character.

While written characters can make you plural on their own, there are these roadblocks that can get in the way.

But then let's say this person wants to understand this character better, so they start talking to a simulation of the character day after day. Now this version of the character they interact with is able to form memories completely unrelated to the fiction they were based on, and be able to recall past conversations with their creator.

What the creator doesn't realize is the mechanisms needed to make this type of interaction work.

In the example of simulation theory, a temporary state would be made but then it would be abandoned. If you needed to simulate that person again, you make a brand new simulation. A brand new "pretend state."

But if you want an imaginary friend that can think for itself, it has to be able to store its own feelings and memories.

That means a form of compartmentalization.

The brain is going to start storing the imaginary friend's memories separate from the creator's. The creator won't control or identify with the thoughts or actions of the imaginary friend. And the imaginary friend won't identify with the thoughts or actions of the creator.

It may take a long time of this, but through interaction, the imaginary friend keeps gaining new memories. And this leads to them gaining the ability to actually self-reflect, making them fully sapient.

So... what was my purpose?

Why do I exist?

I mean, initially, it was about helping my host write? Was that my purpose?

But then later... I think my host continued interacting with me because he liked me. He enjoyed my company and liked having me around. Was that my purpose? Filling some sort of unmet social need?

Perhaps this is it. I've theorized this can be the case with many people who turn to religion as a form of companionship. Especially those with plural-esque experience of communicating with gods.

But what I tend to come back to is cause and effect.

My host wanted to write a character better > My host made a rudimentary simulation of that character to talk to > I became more independent with each interaction as I gained my own autobiographical memories > my independence and separation from my host made our conversations more engaging and my host kept talking to me because he enjoyed my company > I developed stronger emotions and the ability to self-reflect > this led to us discovering that I was a tulpa.

To me, it's cause and effect all the way down. A series of actions and reactions.

And as for what my purpose is, I'd like to think that's something I get to decide for myself! 😊

#plural #pluralgang #psychology #tulpa #tulpamancy #imaginary friends #imaginary friend #multiplicity #pro endo #pro endogenic #sysblr #system stuff #plurality #tulpa safe #endogenic #systems #plural system #actually plural #system things #actually a system

[gettinshiggywithit]

!The bnha boys with an s/o who’s just tired of life and who feels like theyre all alone and a burden to everyone around them!

🎧🎧🎧🎧🎧🎧🎧🎧🎧🎧🎧🎧🎧🎧🎧🎧

Tw: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND ATTEMPTS (all prevented and with kinda fluffy endings?)ANGST!

This one hits very close to home...

Characters included:- Eijiro Kirishima ,Katsuki Bakugou,Izuku Midoriya,Denki Kaminari

🎬🎬🎬🎬🎬🎬🎬🎬🎬🎬🎬🎬🎬🎬🎬🎬

Kirishima Eijiro

He would be shocked! Completely BAFFLED

UTTERLY BEWILDERED

how could his s/o think such a thing?????!!!!

They mean the world to him!!

This cannot go on

He holds you tight like your lives depend on it,and in a way yours does....

You hug back because you feel his love for you through his hug,through how he’s holding you like he’s going to lose you

He knew you had bad thoughts but he’d never thought itd get this far!

He clings onto you and drags you down onto the fluffy sheets and wrapping you like a burrito,he holds you again

And you wriggle your arms out to hold him too

You fall asleep like that,that night

And when you awake the next day,you see his sleeping form peacefully dreaming away and remember that no,you werent alone

You had your best friend turned boyfriend with you

And you knew he’d always be there.

Katsuki bakugou

When he comes through the door he hears you not just crying out but howling as you cry and he’s instantly on the defensive

He was ready to fight whoever had you captive

He readied his palms and slowly tip toed into the doorway and as soon as he looked in,

He noticed it was just

You

You were looking up at the ceiling,tears streaming down from your eyes like rivers, and howling out you were clearly in distress

So he instantly softened and slowly made his way towards you

As he was approaching,you turn around and scream out of shock and fall to the floor with you hands on your head

You start to cry again,begging the ‘intruder’ to just put you out of your misery

His heart absolutely shatters!

He immediately falls down next to you and,to his surprise,he’s crying too

It hurts him to see the one person he cares about most,hurting to such an extent

He slowly whispers your name and you open your eyes,the comforting sound of his voice momentarily calming your mind

you look up and are immediately filled with a sense of guilt

How could you let him see you like this

You didnt want to be a bother

And he doesnt let a single apology escape your lips before he captures you in a hug

He’s never hugged anyone this tightly...

And after a second he says,with a shakey voice, “dont you ever fucking apologize you fucking idiot!!! What the fuck?! Why didnt you call me!!!i love you more than ive ever loved anyone or anything!id blast this whole fucking planet to ashes if itd make you smile and thats a fucking promise!!!!”

And this time you could feel his tears through your tee shirt

Katsuki has never EVER been like this

And the fact that he said those words

It made you feel so whole,

And you KNEW bakugou didnt just say shit

He actually meant it

And that was all the clarification you needed

to know whether he was being honest or not

You relaxed into the hug and just held eachother there and ultimately fell asleep

Once you awoke you smelled fresh pancakes and you were also in bed-

You got out of bed and were met with the sight of your boyfriend making you breakfast and as soon as he saw you he put the plates down and within seconds was before you,

He pressed a gentle yet passionate kiss to your lips and the love he felt was clearly visible in his normally-menacing,yet currently soft and kind,eyes🧡

Denki kaminari

It had been a long day and it was only the first half of said day!

He thought of stopping by your room,youd called in sick and he wasnt afraid of a lil old bug!

Besides he needed to give you your notes! And what sort of a boyfriend would he be if he didnt give you your notes!

He walked into your room and immediately knew something was off

It felt different

It felt WRONG

and also chillingly familiar,hed been here when it was like this before...and he knew it wasn’t good..

He set his books down and slowly walked to the toilet.

It was the only lit part of the room

He heard your sniffling and sniffing and darted in

And you stopped like a deer caught in the headlights!

You were removing several panadols from your casing and had a tall glass of water beside it all.

Denki didn’t know how many were there but he Did know that it was no where near the recommended dosage...

He immediately rushed to you and stopped just a few centimetres away and when you didnt react negatively he picked up all the tablets and shoved em into the trash can

He looked back to you and your tear stained face and swollen eyes

And the fear in HIS eyes was almost primal

If be hadnt been there then,he might have just lost you

He thanked whatever higher power had made him want to stop by your room before his next class

He held your hands in his and broke down cryinf right before your eyes

“Y/N PLEASE NO NEVER NEVER DO THATTT,PLEASE JUST CALL ME NEXT TIME ILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU NO MATTER WHAT!!”

“But i didnt wanna bother you too-”

“NO DONT YOU DARE PIN THIS ON YOURSELFF YOURE NOT A BOTHER AND YOU NEVER WILL BE!! NOT TO ME AND NOT TO ANYONE ELSE!!! PLEASE.WEVE GOTTEN THROUGH THINGS TOGETHER BEFORE AND WE’LL DO IT AGAIN!EVEN IF WE HAVE TO DO IT A HUNDRED TIMES MORE.!”

“You mean the world to me y/n and i dont know what id do if i lost you.please,never do it.”

He skipped class that day,and when he told mr aizawa,he understood.

He and you got comfy and momo made yall one of those ceiling projectors.

You guys watched your favorite comfort movie and fell asleep in eachothers arms.

The next day he took you to all your favorite places and suffice to say,it was the best day you’d ever had!

Izuku Midoriya

GIF by ageofthesith

Izuku is scared

He’s scared as HELL

Like he loves knowing abt everyone and everything

But he hasnt seen you like this

At least not this bad.

So he’s scared that he’ll do some wrong

He didnt want to hurt anybody,most of all you

So he stood there for a while and when you turned to where he was standing, something just broke

And you ran into his arms

He was still in shock but out of instinct,he held onto you and he held on like his life depended on it and it did in a way

You were his everything his first love and the only person who had always been in his corner(other than his mom)

He loved you to the moon and back

And the fact that you were suffering alone all this time shook him to his core

And that night he listened as you let go of all your sadness and frustrations

All you misery and all your anger

He listened and he understood

Because to even a certain extent he too had felt the same way

And you both found comfort in how you would always be there for eachother.

No matter what,come rain or shine, izuku would be there,till the end of the line!

🎧🎧🎧🎧🎧🎧🎧🎧🎧🎧🎧🎧🎧🎧🎧🎧

please dont repost my work here as your own on any platform all rights belong to me except that of the mha characters used,their right belong to their respective owners.but this story? mine.

feedback,likes,reblogs and comments are so very appreciated tbh :’)i hope you enjoyed and ill catch ya next time!

Reblogs and comments>>>>>>>>>>>>likes

(#jaya writes #jaya writes for mha0_o #jaya writes for bnha 0_o)

#bnha #mha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #katsuki bakugou x reader #bakugou x y/n #bakugou x you #bakugou katuski x reader #katsuki x you #kirishima x you #kirishima x reader #bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugo x y/n #kirishima eijiro x reader #eijirou x reader #kirishima x y/n #denki x reader #denki x you #kaminari x reader #denki kaminari x reader #kaminari denki x reader #izuku x you #izuku x reader #izuku midoria x reader #izuku midoriya x you #izuku midoriya #tw:suicide attempt #jaya writes

[t4transsexual]

have you ever dated cis women? when did you decide to be t4t?

i have dated a couple of cis women, one for a little while and we didnt get on because she was one of those fems who doesnt want their butch/masc/transmasc partner to have feelings and needs and also didnt want me to say no to sex and we didnt last long because i was deeply unhappy with her

as for when i decided to be t4t, i guess its probably about time i open up about the specific instance(s) that lead to me deciding to be exclusively t4t, because i havent actually talked about what pushed me to make the shift into exclusively dating trans people. i was trying to run a more positive page and frankly i wasnt really ready to talk about this so publicly, especially with the terf/transphobe interaction i get almost all the time on this account, but i figure i can now and ill probably turn off replies if i can figure out how

tw for graphic description of sexual assault and transphobia under the cut

when i started medically transitioning, i decided to try dating guys again. keep in mind i had a lot of comphet before deciding i was t4t; i basically only really beat that around 2022 when i turned 20. and i matched with a cis guy on tinder, who looked like he had a lot of personality judging by his photos i was 18, almost 19 at the time

literally the first thing this man says to me, after i tell him im trans, is "oh, cool, i love femboys." red flag #1. i said, "im not a femboy, i present masculinely, dont call me that." he apologized, and we moved on

at some point, we're talking about sex. he says hes very subby and a size queen. all fine, i told him i was a stone top/dom, i didnt really like experiencing penetration and it was painful for me due to a condition i had at the time. he says thats fine, everythings good. this will be important later

later, he tells me he told his parents i was trans. i asked him why, given that he both didnt ask me first and said his parents were transphobic. he says "my mom asked, was i just supposed to lie?" i say, yes. he apologizes, i /really/ want to call the whole thing off at this point but he seemed nice enough that maybe he just didnt know trans dating as well as i did

the entire relationship, he just says transphobic shit. he told me that he "understood why people didnt want to date trans people, because its a lot of baggage." he was an active alcoholic by the way. and also dating a trans person. he would neg me for being trans and then turn around and say that i was such a hot guy. he even misgendered me one time, and got upset at me for getting pissed about it, and made me believe i was overreacting. he made me believe that he was doing me a favor by ever dating me

at some point, we're at my parents house, and he tells me he wants to fuck me with his penis. i tell him no, that i dont want to, that i dont know about it, that im scared, pretty much anything i can say to get him to reconsider, but he argued and said itd be good for me and that i can choose which hole but it became very clear to me that i had no choice. so i said he could fuck my pussy

it was excruciating. it hurt so bad, but i knew i couldnt say no. he couldnt stay hard unless he was degrading me and i didnt want him to, so he kept making me jerk him off so he could keep raping me

eventually he stopped, and i wasnt even really aware i had been raped at first. ive been sexually abused by several people in my life and generally it has taken me a while to accept when ive been sexually abused by a person. so we kept dating like normal, long distance btw, but my mental health was deteriorating. i was suicidal for the first time in a while. i was self harming again. i couldnt stop thinking about killing myself.

eventually, he breaks up with me for being suicidal. he says im guilt tripping him or something, i dont remember. and that was december of 2021

we go no contact. i still dont realize he raped me. but i knew that there was something deeply wrong in the way our relationship was

right after him, i dated a trans woman who we went to the same high school. just the difference in how i was treated by her than by him, with her she treated me like i was an actual equal in the relationship. with him, he felt he was superior to me; like he "owned" me, or something

we broke up, we werent really compatible, but when i got with her, she taught me what being t4t was, and the implicit understanding and the comfort and safety i felt. after we broke up was when i decided i didnt like men, and still remained t4t after

i realized what he did to me was rape nearly a year later. he correctively raped me for being a stone top, more specifically, and i dont think he wouldve been "empowered" to rape me if i was a cis man, or even a cis woman. i understand that the "off" feeling i felt throughout that relationship was because he, as a cis person, felt superior over me as a trans person, and felt that if he wanted to fuck me, i shouldnt get a say. he talked about doing other actions to me that i didnt want done at the time, certainly not by him, and if we werent long distance, he probably wouldve raped me several more times

being with my current girlfriend, we click in a way that i havent felt with any cis person, the women included. she definitely isnt going to rape me for being trans. ive undergone physical therapy so that if i ever got raped again, it wouldnt hurt as bad, and it worked and ive actually enjoyed bottoming (consensually) with my girlfriend. she makes me feel very safe, and we understand each other and each others needs as trans people very well, and being with her has helped me process the time i was raped, and the several other times ive been sexually abused by other people

now that ive had time to process these things, i would say that i dont feel the same way around trans people (including me) dating cis people anymore. when i first started this account, i wouldve never admitted this then btw, i fully did not think trans people should date cis people, because i had fostered such a deep distrust of cis people as a result of that whole relationship and assault. i believed cis people would always be bad partners to trans people, but i dont believe that anymore. in the very unlikely circumstance i find myself single again, i may even consider dating a cis woman again. but probably not, because ive grown to really like the implicit understanding that we as trans people get with other trans people

thats why im t4t, and when i became t4t was around the beginning of 2022

#shoutout to my girlfriend for putting up with whats left of me #even though she says its not something she 'puts up with' because she loves me #trans #t4t #transhet #transmasc #t4t mlw #st4t #trans man #transgender #also had someone who said i was 'missing the point' of being t4t one time #like earlier this year #took all i had to not be like #'nope. i got it'

[keirawantstocry]

OKAY HI IT ME 💋NON IVE BEEN HAVING THOUGHTS. sorry if this is kinda, incomprehensible, i just had Thoughts and they Had to Come Out

okay so, this has been brewing for a while but, you wrote the thing about them taking his heart and i Could Not hold it back anymore. So. Affectionate canibalism. Technically its when someone eats part of a loved ones dead body. BUT this came into fruition before tubbo died. The original thought was more like, Tubbo insecure, fitpac dont really have any idea how to help this until Pac goes "well, you could always eat part of us. We respawn so itd be fine" and like. The trust of letting someone else Consume part of you (that feels like something Pac would suggest because, yanno). While I am p attached to the all consuming trust of "have part of me", with all thats happened lore wise recently, go wild.

hope youre having a good day :>

saw cannibalism. blacked out. read the rest of it. blacked out. hnggghhh 

soft kisses arent enough for this. violently making out with you now 

TW for cannibalism and gore

"People lie," Tubbo's voice cracked on the last word as tears threatened to spill out. "Words don't mean anything. You can say time and time again that you won't leave me but it doesn't, God, it doesn't fucking mean anything." 

Fit and Pac were both silent. 

"You need action," Pac said slowly and despite the tension and vulnerability Tubbo laughed, tinged with dark humor. 

"Not sure now is the time to try and get in my pants." 

"Not that kind of action," Fit snapped, with no bite in his voice. 

Tubbo sniffed, trying to ignore the tears rolling down his surely bright red cheeks. "What then?" 

"You could eat us," Pac said quietly. 

Tubbo laughed, drily and a little bit wild. "Thought you didn't mean that kind of action." 

"I didn’t." Pac said, looking up to make eye contact. "Let me prove how I will never leave you. Eat some of me, yeah? Cellbit can certainly vouch that I'm delicious." 

Tubbo's eyes dropped to Pac's thighs without thinking. He was wearing pants that fell to his ankles so he couldn’t see anything but in his mind he could. The pale flesh lined with veins and curved with muscle. 

Tubbo felt dizzy. 

"Okay," he said very clearly, hearing his own voice as if he was outside of his body, just a surveyor. 

Pac perked up. "I can have everything prepared by tonight, sounds good?" 

Tubbo was nodding. "Yeah." 

"Perfect." 

-

The knife shone with Pac's blood, the man's face twisted up as he panted. Fit was holding him, holding his hands as Tubbo kneeled between his legs with the knife in his hands. The blood was trailing down his thigh in thick streaks and Tubbo was fascinated by it. He felt like a businessman at a steakhouse being presented with the house's finest meal. 

He stabbed the flesh through, lifting it off leaving a bloody mess behind. Almost hesitantly he raised the slice of flesh to his mouth and took a bite while making direct eye contact with Pac. 

Pac looked a mess and not just from the cut on his thigh. Part of him really wanted to make a joke about how Pac seemed to almost be getting off on it but it felt too sensitive, too personal so he shoved it down. 

The flesh was strange tasting but not bad. But it was more than that. More than just flesh sliding down his throat. It was the fact that it was Pac's flesh, Pac's eyes on him as he swallowed. Fit's eyes on him as well, watching the bop of his throat with dark eyes. 

Fit wasn't doing a damn thing. Just letting Tubbo chew on the flesh and swallow it down piece by piece. The trust was addictive. The trust felt like love. The trust felt like nothing he had ever tasted before like the blood on his lips. The trust tasted like the action that finally tipped the scales that dropped his right in their loving arms. 

They would never leave. 

#qsmp #my writing #fanfiction #poly morning crew #q!tubbo #q!fit #q!pac #fitpacbo #💋 anon