#i just personally think most of them are ugly as sin

[beneathashadytree]

I had a bit of a "hang in a minute..." thought when going through my 5*memory cards the other day. I started playing the last day of the drunk MC/Zayne and MC/sniffy sniff Rafayel event (I lucked out and got both, but not Xavier's) and it made me think that MC and Zayne have definitely bumped uglies (the business trip card is HELLO 👀) Whereas Raffy and Xavier are merely hinting at maybe, possibly doing the do.

There is another Zayne card that heavily suggests they banged, but I've been asleep since then and can't remember what card.

What do you think?

I will be sending another ask coz I just thought of something else!

I’ve gotten most cards in the game despite being F2P… except for the V-day cards🥲 But here’s my interpretation of this!

Like in the company’s previous game MLQC, the dates with the boys are scattered across different points in their timeline with MC.

For example, Business Trip Date is 100% after they’ve been long dating. After all, Zayne always strikes me as a particularly cautious person and definitely waited a long time to have sex with MC, due to the fact that he’s too worried about Astra’s curse to truly give in to his desires. Also the fact that he probably follows a “well-mannered” agenda to a T: ask them out on a date, kiss their cheek, kiss their lips, make out with them, sleep together, and so on. He’s also just naturally more reserved despite having a heart of gold, and so he’s probably careful with his own emotions, especially since he’s canonically had zero experience before MC. However, in other dates, like the almost-kiss one (forgot its name) you can see that it’s still in that awkward, early phase in the relationship where he’s holding back a lot of his feelings and it often backfires because it comes off as him being standoffish (Zayne is literally just me but in a different font😭😭). So currently? They’re not even dating. A little fast forward? Dating, but kinda shy. Massive fast forward? Sleeping together and teasing each other.

As for Rafayel and Xavier, the same also applies!! They’ve both respectively slept with MC and it’s heavily implied in the same way Zayne’s was. It’s only a matter of WHEN exactly that happened, since the dates are also all over the timeline.

Rafayel’s V-day card was lovely, but it certainly implies that he’s gotten more confident about being more risqué around MC. Despite appearances, he’s incredibly shy and embarrassed about intimacy at the start even though he deeply craves it, and that’s simply because of the way he grew up (being told you’re to be a refined God can’t have been too easy on him) and because of the fact that this is his first lifetime where he gets to be with MC without the constant threat of them being taken away from him. Being an artist also heightens his passion and his ability to tap into his well of feelings, so he can’t help the fact that he constantly desires to be with MC, and that translates into the natural progression of physical intimacy as he knows it. However, in the early days, he’s extremely careful about not toeing the line even when sharing a bed.

As for Xavier… whew. He’s just about the most forward, sneakiest one of the bunch, and I love the fact that it contrasts his endearing earnestness so much. Like, yes, he would absolutely burn the world to protect MC’s smile (he’s a little morally grey, after all, he just reins it in for their sake) but he’s just so so eager to pull the most sinful sounds from them in the name of his all-consuming adoration. The most recent card (the one with the gym clothes) makes it obvious that he’s more than willing to take the first step in their relationship, but it’s just a matter of him waiting for the MC to reciprocate. He’s careful, but makes his intentions VERY clear. During the V-day event, he’s easily the boldest out of the 3. It’s clear this is much later in their relationship, because he literally promises to keep them up all night (!!!) and is certainly okay with having them feel him up and act coy while he presses kisses to their body. On the other hand, in that one card with the Pocky game, they’re still at the stage in the relationship in which he can tease them and fluster them so easily by just surprising them with a kiss. So it’s pretty early on, I’d say.

Coming from the MLQC fandom, the messed up timeline doesn’t bother me, because I know that this is because in-game it hasn’t been long since they first “met” and the game hasn’t been released for long either. It makes sense that during dates, they wouldn’t be in a relationship yet. But since it’s an otome game, they have to feed the fans a little with indulgent dates set in the future to encourage fans to keep investing in the game and stay interested until they actually do start dating in the timeline (eg: 2 years later, maybe). And after that good long while, they’ll only keep pushing out dates where they’re already dating, and things slowly get more and more domestic. So it’s a game of patience!!

This turned out to be a massive rambling post, sorry😭😭 I’m pretty unhealthily obsessed with this game (as I was with MLQC years ago, honestly) so I love spinning my own interpretations of the lore and characters.

#maya talks #lads #lnds #l&ds #love and deepspace #zayne love and deepspace #zayne #zayne lads #zayne lnds #zayne l&ds #rafayel #rafayel love and deepspace #rafayel lnds #rafayel lads #rafayel l&ds

[the-ace-with-spades]

(I adore fics where Johnny’s family loves Ghost from day one, but, you know…angst)

Soap and Ghost had been together for almost two years. They never name the relationship, really, but it's serious and they both know it.

Thing is, Johnny's seen Ghost's face a total of four times, counting Las Almas.

Well, he sees parts of it regularly, more than others. Ghost will either roll the balaclava up when they're reading together in bed or when they're eating. Sometimes, when Soap wants to go out and Ghost indulges him, he goes in public in just either a face mask or a gaiter and Soap can see his short wavy blonde hair sticking all over the place and 

The four times he had seen Simon’s face in it’s whole — obviously, Las Almas; one time when he was unconscious and bleeding from a head wound and Johnny had to check; one time when they took a shower together, Simon stayed with his back toward him through most of it, but when they finished, he let Johnny dry off his hair; one time, when Johnny asked him to see him for his birthday presents, a few minutes after midnight.

Johnny wasn’t sure why exactly Simon didn’t want to show him his face. It wasn’t a trust thing — he trusted Johnny with more than his own life — and it wasn’t like he was ugly — he was downright sinful. He never drilled the topic because he didn’t care, if SImon wasn’t ready, then he wasn’t ready, but if he had to guess, it was all to do with identity and being seen. No one knew his face — people could know his name, Simon “Ghost” Riley, but they wouldn’t know the man behind the mask. Wouldn’t know the people behind Simon “Ghost” Riley.

(Johnny wasn’t completely off on the assumption — Simon didn’t want anyone to know his face because faceless people weren’t missed. Faceless graves — like his own — didn’t have people to leave behind, and faceless soldiers didn’t have loved ones to find and he was both. No one could get hurt if he remained faceless. Or at least that’s what he’d been telling himself.)

And Johnny is okay with that — if Simon never showe him his face again, he’d still love him all the same. Johnny’s family? Not so much.

They’re supposed to be in Glasgow for five days total, leaving after Boxing Day. Johnny gives them all a warning, that Ghost is a bit shy and doesn’t like showing his face, he’ll most likely stay covered the whole time, he might be wearing a balaclava, or a mask, he probably won't eat at the table.

When they arrive at his parents house, it almost seems like everyone forgot. Like everyone thought it'd be more mild or that Johnny was exaggerating.

There are looks. There is silence. People can't stop staring.

His mam takes one look at Simon’s balaclava once they enter the living room and looks funny at them. “Ah thooght Ah tauld ye boays tae strip doon.”

“Mam, lea him alane,” he tries but he can tell that Simon is getting tense and his mam is getting tense.

His mam, who is usually the sweetest person ever, is uncharacteristically quiet and curt whenever Simon is around. Simon doesn't really know how to make it better — Johnny's never seen him so silent outside of stealth missions, he just stands there like a sore thumb, not making anything less awkward. He didn't expect him to — Simon's social skills are lacking and he loves him that way — but he expected his own family to not make such a big deal out of that mask.

His da is stern and silent, which is as disapproving as he gets. His sisters are a bit weirded out, but mostly focused on teasing Johnny, even making fun of the mask. With a stupid grin, his older sister asks, “Does he keep it oan in bed?”

Johnny doesn't say anything to that, even though his face feels red. His sisters stop laughing.

“He does?” When Johnny tries to step out of the room and avoid the conversation, his sister’s tone changes. “Hae ye e’en seen his face?”

“O’ coorse Ah hae,” he spits out. He doesn’t specify it was only four times — he doesn’t think it’d help. “And ‘s a bonnie ane, alricht.”

It doesn’t save the situation and his sisters are also weirded out and wary from then on.

 The kids do not care — they ask maybe two questions, tilts their head as Simon explains and that’s it — and Johnny breathes a little easier as soon as his nieces push Simon outside to help them build a snowman.

The judgment doesn’t stop. Johnny’s blood boils any time it shows and even though Simon says it’s all fine, he can’t stop feeling angry about this. They just can’t get past the mask.

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are difficult to Simon and Johnny knows it. He’s given him the option to omit the family dinner on both those days if he’s not feeling alright enough to spend those days in crowdy house filled with a flock of loud and cheery people of all ages.

Simon knows this. He also knows that if he says he wants to stay at Johnny’s flat for the time being, Johnny is going to insist he doesn’t have to go either, that he’d prefer to stay in with him and not go for the Christmas dinner. Which he also knows is bullshit — Johnny loves Christmas, loves spenidng time with his family, that was basically why he kept on insisting Simon couldn’t stay alone at the base for Christmas another year in a row. It was the main reason why he agreed to go with Johnny in the first place, he was pretty sure if he didn’t go with him, Johnny would insist he stays, too. 

So Simon stays in for Christmas Eve — or rather goes to a pub while Soap spends the day with his parents — but insists they go to Christmas dinner. 

His family is disappointed to see him there, to the point the usual manuevering around politeness and disapproving go onto a backburner.

“John said yer nae a fan o’ Christmas,” Johnny’s mum says to him pointedly.

“That’s right.”

“And yet ye’r ’ere,” she notes.

Johnny is far away from the earshot and he doesn’t want to lie to her so he admits, “If I didn’t come, Johnny would insist on keepin’ me company.”

“How come ye dinnae try to hae a bit mair cheer fur th' holidays then? Put a bit mair effort in for ma baby.” 

Johnny notices and soon enough, he’s next to him, their arms brushing, Johnny’s hand on the small of his back. “Lea him alane, mam.”

“It’s fine,” he says even though it’s not fine. They deserve an explanation, even just to know what they son is getting himself into. “My family was murdered on Christmas Eve. I’m—I’m trying.”

The silence falls over the room — Johnny’s mum, dad, his sister, all present, not looking at them. Simon closes his eyes, tries to breathe.

Johnny rubs his back. “Let’s gae home.”

“I’m not ruining Christmas for you, Johnny,” he says. Before Johnny can deny it — and he knows he’d try — he tries to placate, “Let’s just have ourselves a minute to calm down.”

Maybe it’s the way his voice is perfectly levelled or the way his hand trembles as he squeezes Johnny’s, but he lets him leave the room.

He steps outside — to the backyard. Sits down on the step to the garden and lets the snow soak through his jeans and the top o his balaclava.

The kids come outside, tripping over Simon’s legs. They were all oblivious to the trails and errors of Simon’s integration into the family, so they approach him as always

“Whit's wrang?”

There’s just something so innocent in having a six-year-old girl covered from head to toe in pink and glitter worry about you. Simon would never admit it in front of Johnny, but he finds the accent cute.

Simon takes off the mask.

The kids all look at him and look at him, a bit unsure maybe a bit fearful — it can be a scary sight, he admits, the elongated, jagged smile that sticks to him no matter the mood, makes him more crazy than he already is — but only one of Johnny’s niece keeps her eyes on Simon’s face. 

Shily, she asks, “Does it hurt?”

“No,” he replies. When she smiles, he smiles back.

Not anymore.

This is Johnny’s family. Simon can deny it all he wants, but Johnny’s seen him as family, as someone he’d leave behind, and it hadn’t been unrequited. He can’t hide behind a mask forever and maybe this was the kick he needed.

He steps back inside when his hands turn numb. He doesn’t put the mask back on.

Johnny’s eyes widen. “Simon?”

Simon just—smiles. He can feel the scars pulling on the corners of his mouth, the stiffer skin, but he’s not faceless. He’s not been faceless for a while.

Edit (29/03/24): This is now a WIP for a minimum 15k fic, titled don't shoot me, santa, that will have 4 chapters and will be posted (hopefully) later in the year

#this is like a very shortened version with some points cropped out #maybe this will be a full-blown fic at some point #who knows? not me for sure #idk maybe closer to christmas or sth if i have inspiration #i headcanon soap speaks scots whenever he's home/speaking freely and softens the accent otherwise #i love glasgowian accents but im not good at writing them so #ghoap #ghostsoap #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #cod #call of duty #q #charlie writes #op

[lachiennearoo]

How to Make Friends

A more-or-less clear guide on social interactions

Growing up with heavy ADHD and generalized anxiety, it was always a bit hard for me to make friends and socialize. Despite my yearning for friendship, I was always "the quiet one" and "a loner", simply because I didn't know how to approach certain social situations, and it made any friendship I had extremely unstable (except for my sister @vive-le-quebec-flouffi, who was so extroverted and friendly it was literally impossible to escape her clutches of socialization)

As I grew older, I learned through a lot of trial and error what makes a good friendship.

Or, rather... what's the best way for someone to WANT to be your friend (without being superficial or hypocritical.)

Now, obviously, this doesn't work for everyone. But this is what I found helped me the most in social circles (especially online) and I hope it can help others too

LET'S BEGIN!

1 - Be yourself

Now that sounds very cliche and cringe, I know, but hear me out, because my opinion on this is not the same as all those feelgood inspirational movies and ads.

"Being yourself" isn't as simple as it seems. Because after all, what does "self" imply? If someone is, say, a criminal, would "be yourself" mean that they should embrace their sinful side?

No, obviously not.

"Be yourself" is a bit more nuanced, but I'll try to boil it down for you.

It just means "be unashamed of your qualities which you think are flaws". For example, "be yourself" would apply to someone who sees themselves as ugly, or maybe someone with an odd yet unharmful hobby, or a weird sense of fashion, or someone with say a handicap, a speech impediment. "Be yourself" is a sentence for the specific people who have genuine good in them, but are afraid to show it to others because they have been persecuted in the past, or are scared to be. It does NOT mean to accept genuine flaws. "Be yourself" does not include say violent anger issues, an addiction, a recent crime committed, or a generally unpleasant personality. Those are obviously not things to encourage. You can understand they may be a thing that happen to you, and accept it in your life, but that's different from being proud of it or encouraging it.

Speaking of personalities... let's talk about that

2 - Be kind

Now when some people hear that, they think it means "always smile no matter what, always look happy and positive, always agree with everyone just so you don't hurt their feelings, and never cause any drama", like you're Deku in My Hero Academia or Steven Universe in his titular show.

But that's... not quite that.

Obviously, kindness is something you use to help people feel better, to cheer up, and feel happy, and obviously to be kind, you need to have compassion, heart, empathy, and always put yourself in other people's shoes regardless of who they are. But it is not necessarily all-encompassing.

There's a rule that I think anyone learning kindness must learn. It's that sometimes, kindness means to be firm.

Not mean, of course. Not judgmental, not insensitive. Don't insult anyone, don't belittle or patronize anyone or make them feel inferior to you. That's still very rude and that's not what you want.

But what I mean is that sometimes, if you know that a person's actions towards something are wrong, especially if it's towards someone else, you must be able to point it out, and act accordingly. Don't just stand there and agree with them just because you don't want to hurt their feelings. You must still be able to know right from wrong. Kindness just means you won't be an ass about it, it doesn't mean to stay silent.

Hey, that brings me to point three!

3 - Show your own opinions

If there's one thing people hate just as much as meanness, it's those who stand by and do nothing about it.

Regardless of if you agree with them or not, if you say absolutely nothing when genuinely bad behaviour is happening, out of fear of "starting a fight", you are actively making the person who is being attacked feel alone.

I remember myself, when I was bullied in the first two grades of secondary school (11-13 years old for those who don't know) for "being ugly", I was told by my mother (who was friends with other kid's parents) that some of the kids "didn't hate me" and "didn't agree with the bullying". And I asked her "if they don't hate me, why won't they talk to me?" She never managed to answer that one. And it broke my heart, because outside of my sister, I had no one else.

Don't be like that. You may be scared of acting, but you know who would be grateful if you did act? The victims. And isn't their opinion of you much more important than the opinion of someone who acts with hatred and bigotry?

If you see someone suffering injustice, or even just hear someone who has a rather harmful opinion, don't be scared to tell them that you disagree. Obviously don't be an asshole about it, stay civil, but if you voice out your opinion, you will be seen as someone who stays true to their beliefs and is brave enough to stand up for them if the opportunity comes.

There's obviously much more that comes with social life (nonverbal cues, sense of humor, timing and mood), and I don't know everything (I'm just some random québécois girl on the internet). But I hope this was a bit more helpful. I did have fun writing this, at least. So I guess that's better than nothing!

#life hacks #tips #tips and tricks #useful #How to guide #How to #social media #social anxiety #anxitey #anxiété #adhd #actually adhd #adhd problems #neurodivergence #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #autism #autistic things #autistic adult #growing up autistic

[draxumain]

What Kind Of Lover They'd Want

Genre: Fluff

TW: Mentions of trauma

AN:: Always wondered what kind of lover they'd like so I decided to stop procrastinating and daydreaming and actually write, Enjoy!! As usual not proofread too lazy.

Characters :: Sanemi | Gyomei | Rengoku | Giyuu |

Adults + Over 18s DNI

Sanemi Shinazugawa

`` A Distraction ``

Sanemi Shinazugawa is a man with a broken heart. The cracks of his heart are shown all over his body, engraved with scars to show it. He's been through hell, he goes through it everyday.

What, he needs most is to come back from battle to a warm lively home with a darling lover who can embrace him and whisper sweet words into his ears as if he isn't a sinful man full covered in ugly scars. He, just for a moment. A second. Wants to forget the outside horrors he's seen.

He needs his lover to be a distraction.

A Haven where he can take the time he doesn't think he should be allowed to spend to slowly heal for his past and ongoing trauma.

He just wants to forget, and pretend just for a little that everything is fine. Nothing bad ever happend.

You're here, you're alive. That's all he needs.

Himejima Gyomei

`` A Carer ``

Gyomei doesn't look for much, Infact he doesn't look for anything. Not that he can.

Being fully devoted to his faith and life to demon hunting, he has no room for a lover.

But, a man can dream and wonder. If he were to ever have a lover he'd want them to be a carer.

Someone, with a kind and loving soul with a gentle nature. A person of strong faith and interest in serving the world an striving to making it a better safer place. He'd like someone who can make a cold house warm, someone who is soft spoken and welcoming to outsiders.

An honest person who won't lie through their teeth to save their own skin. A humble person who is easy to correct themselves when they're in the wrong and willing to learn and own up for their mistakes.

A good person at heart who genuinely cares for others. And a lover who is good with children and younger people, it would warm his heart sensing his lover tend to children.

Tomioka Giyuu

`` An Ambivert ``

Tomioka Giyuu is, to say the least, unbalanced.

His introvert nature stems deeply from trauma, he needs someone to take him out of his dark pit on loneliness and into a light where he's free to express himself.

However, his quiet nature is who he is, he prefers to observe rather then be in the spotlight so, he'd need someone who can balance both perfectly.

A lover who can take him out of his shell and heal from his survivors guilt, getting him to enjoy the wonders of life and explore all there is to offer.

A lover who he can sit in comfortable silence with and still somehow have a full conversation in utter peace. An ambivert is the perfect kind of lover for Giyuu.

Kyojuro Rengoku

`` A Foodie ``

He is a simple man, not looking for anything in particular it's all got to do with your personality if you're a good person at heart Kyojuro is more then willing to give you his love.

However, that's not to say he doesn't like certain things in a partner.

He'd love if they were a foodie like him. Someone he can go restaurant to restaurant with and, try hearty and diverse meals with is the dream.

Bonus points if you can make hearty and diverse delicious meals he'll be smitten for you, truly.

Overall he's not one to look for a specific kind of person, however you look or act or whatever interests you have he'll be your hype man and will 100% support you and love you for it.

──  ﹫ 𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐀𝐃𝐘𝐒𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐌   ؛   𝗈𝗇 𝗍𝗎𝗆𝖻𝗅𝗋

#── ﹫herladysrealm #Herladyswork #Kny #kny headcanons #demon slayer x reader #Sanemi x reader #gyomei x reader #Rengoku x reader #Giyuu x reader #Hashira x reader #demon slayer headcanons #Rengoku Headcannons #Sanemi Headcannons #Gyomei Headcannons #Giyuu Headcannons #Demon slayer oneshot #Demon slayer fluff

[catboybiologist]

I don’t know if I believe in god, but I believe god would celebrate trans people. I think human diversity is beautiful, natural, and unique to all of us. I’ve also seen that the vatican released articles protecting transgender people under similar logic(please correct me if you see otherwise). Anyway, just wanted to counterbalance that anon semen hate thing.. lol

I know this is from a good place, and I'm gonna be the asshole here, but its difficult for me to accept the kindness you're trying to extend.

I think that seeking validation and a moral code from anything other than "live your life in a way that's going to make the most people the most real and happy, including yourself", including seeking that from some kind of being of external influence, makes you susceptible to guilt and manipulation by people who use the ever-changing "interpretation" of that will to get people to live to their interests as opposed to yours, and that this philosophy isn't limited to situations where the will of that being is interpreted as something that benefits me specifically because that feels like a shortsighted mental trap of constantly validating my own life decisions to myself in a nonstop cycle of searching for approval from an influence that, by definition, doesn't communicate with me.

And funnily enough, the Vatican is the perfect example. The statements you're talking about basically amount to the same "love the sinner, hate the sin" shit we've all heard for pretty much our entire lives, and was basically only written with the intent of inviting lgbt people in to try and save their poor little misguided souls:

https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/pope-francis-calls-studies-into-ugly-gender-theory-2024-03-01/

But thanks, I guess. Sorry to be a dick, I know this came from a good place, but its hard for me to mask my opinion on this kind of thing. I'll fully admit there's a personal sting here. I was the most patient, good little, explaining and validating tranny with a couple Christian "friends" earlier this year, only to find that they were stringing me along so they could try to "save" me. Trying to find validation in organized religion will always be a losing battle. These are organizations built upon decades of power structures that require specific family dynamics for population growth and control. I don't know if there's a god or not, by definition its really impossible to say one way or the other. But the Christian God is so transparently a tool for political manipulation in a way that should be obvious to queer people, and efforts to make the church seem "okay" for queer people more often than not have that same, thinly-veiled disgust associated with them. "oh, don't worry, we all have our little sins! Jeff gambles, Tom is gay, John smokes..." that kind of shit. That's not acceptance. It's thinly veiled disgust that will drop the moment there's an excuse.

Are there truly accepting Christians? Yeah, of course. But if you hand me a gun and claim its not loaded, I'm not testing it by pulling the trigger in my mouth.

#cw transphobia #trans #queer

[elslovers]

SUNSHINE chapter one

content warnings: religious trauma, alcohol consumption, weed, anxiety, depression, Ellie being a sweetheart, vomiting , internalized, homophobia

˗ ˏ ˋ summary: you love a good party. It's palpable rebellion to you. You love everything about it the rush of the music, the way everything feels warm, the way the alcohol removes the constant knot from your stomach and makes you a version of you you like a little better tonight was set to go exactly like the others get dressed in as little clothes as you can get away with get drunk and dance with your friends that is all until a pair of green eyes derails it all

A/N Hi there all okay so let's go here's the first official chapter of Sunshine I decided to do a mix between a small and a traditional fic so I'm able to have all the detail I want in it and make sure I'm giving you all the best fic that I can this mag not go very well but I really hope you all love it half as much as I do

getting ready is ritualistic. You all call it pregame, but that feels like such an ugly word for such a pretty experience. Taylor swift thumps lightly in the background, and no one complains because no one in this room thinks it's silly how much you love her. No one thinks it silly when everyone changes the outfit they've had picked out for days six times over no one things its silly when we stat getting ready for a party at ten at eight no one things its silly to have ten girls cramped into one dorm just because you want to get ready together

no one laughs when you cringe at your drink

no one mocks when all the mixers are pink

no one does because everyone is doing it

this is why you joined a sorority

you rushed your first year because you thought it was what you should do. Lovely girls from your small town move away to the state school and rush; plain and simple, your mother and your aunt did it. You were sure your sisters would, so of course you did. You've spent most of your life doing things simply because you were supposed to. You went to church because you were supposed to and cut bangs the first year of high school. After all, all the other girls did. You didn't date because you weren't supposed to you, and you ignored the parts of you you were supposed to

but this is why you joined the cause for the first time in your life it was okay to be a girl in the stupid little ways you loved in vodka that was mostly peach juice and Taylor Swift bridges that held your hand through heartache and pregames alpha gamma tau made being a girl feel a little less sinful.

your eyes dance around every person they can latch onto in this sea of smoke and sweat everyone is visibility drunker than you laughing loudly and with their whole chest dancing against one another in a way that felt invasive even to watch stumbling around the house to find another drink or a smoke - this display only encourages you more taking an ambitious swig from your water bottle your nose curling up as the liquid trickled down the back of your throat warming every muscle in your body you shake off that knot swirling and twisting in your tummy when a familiar face approaches your group

It must be nice - comforting to have someone waiting just for you at every single party - in every single room you enter it must be nice to be the ruler of someone's attention like that. You couldn't even fathom how nice it might feel, and those thoughts cause a swelling in your chest so tight and unwanted, and you can't place why so you drink, and you drink, and you drink

you learned a lot about yourself after you started drinking correctly. You discovered you like yourself more wasted - now don't get it twisted. You like yourself sober you like how you can tell what's wrong with someone without even needing them to say a word. You like the way you always have the correct answers, the way you are everyone's favorite friend to confide in - but when you drink, you want more than the ways you love others. You like you

the aspects of your personhood that feel sharp and volatile in sobriety seem to shine under the gaze of vodka and pink wine, and you adore it every time that seething voice in the background of your mind whispering to cover up or sober up or act like a lady seems to go fuzzy and for once your voice is the only one talking in your mind, and it's loud and bright, and people love to listen to you don't feel too much or too little, and you love that

and tonight, just like every night you do this, you lose yourself in the feeling because how could you know freedom is one thing you got freedom the moment your father's grip loosened and you moved into your freshmen dorm, but freedom from yourself is a feeling you chase down every single moment until the weekend so how could you now drown yourself in the sensation

your hips move wherever and against whomever they please, dipping down and swaying to the beat of whatever song is blasting through the speakers, and your skirt rides up to high, and your hands are in the air and roaming down your arms as you burn your lungs trying to out sing every other drunk girl in the frat house you like this under the burning gaze of eyes who can't tell if you're having too much fun or if they aren't having enough but with the state you're in it doesn't seem to matter much

ELLIE's POV

Ellie's breath was labored as she walked from the area of the house she had set up business in over to you. You'd caught her eye at the first-semester party while most of the alpha gamma tau girls gave her dirty looks while their boyfriends bought her pre-rolls. You always smiled at her right off the bat. She was in awe of your warmth and the way you lit every space you entered with your radiance it blew her mind one girl could shine so bright that night you smiled at her for the first time wearing a black crop top and bright pink jeans Ellie recalled promising Tatum she’d make you hers - both of them knew Ellie didn’t stand a chance but god was it nice to pretend.

At every party, you were stable, a little wild, a little undone, but you held yourself together when the time came when all your friends were sloppy, and you needed to get them home. Now it seemed your turn to be too drunk for your good, and you had no one with your best intentions around your friends off doing god knows what, but Ellie wouldn’t let anything happen to you. She knew her protectiveness for a stranger was odd, but she couldn’t help it. She saw the way these men looked like you, like prey like dinner, and she knew you needed the protecting.

“are you okay?” Ellie shouts over the thumping music and screaming conversations. She knows the answer already, but she wants to make sure she isn’t misreading this whole thing.

“No- no yes, I mean in good yes” You stumble over every single word, which only confirms in Ellie’s mind what she already knew to be true - that you were beyond wasted and alone

“Is there an Issue here, pal? She's good. She's with me?” a stupid frat boy spoke as he wrapped his arm around your waist. Ellie watched your face go from soft and confused to turned up and cringing, the same look she made when Jesse tried to kiss her in the 9th grade, the same face she made when she realized she'd instead be kissing a girl named Cat, who was in their grade

“No problem- Just- checking in” She sounded weak, and she knew it. She didn’t want him to see her that way make him think he could take you and she wouldn’t try and stop it she knew she had no right to make it stop for all she knew you wanted it but something inside her told her if she didn’t stop it she’d be regretting it for the rest of her life

“do- do I know you?” you leaned forward slightly catching a glimpse of her green eyes through the smoke and dim lights she looked familiar but you were too drunk to properly place her face

“you could,” Ellie replied, regretting it instantly. She sounded stupid, and she knew it, but by some grace of god drunken, you liked her idiotic one-liners and leaned in a little closer, close enough to smell her past the weed in the air fucking strawberry

You felt the all too familiar knot in your stomach reappear the knot you can usually drink away was twisting itself around your body, making your head spin and your face lose color. This perfect stranger with her green eyes and stupid smile, the type of girl who visits you in your dreams and leaves you praying when you wake up, was so real now she was right here close to you smiling at you and the way that her presence made your cheeks blush made the alcohol in your stomach start rising in the back of your throat.

“I’m gonna be sick”

You manage to get out as you start stumbling your way through the frat house and into the yard as fast as you can, the vomit just barely making it into the bush

Ellie watched with slight horror as she followed behind you, gently taking your hair into her palm and getting it away from your face as you emptied the contents of your stomach

“s’okay now just- get it all out you got this”

She encouraged, softly rubbing your back with her free hand keeping her voice as gentle as she could, this obviously not being one of your proudest moments

Ellie watched you stand up softly, humiliation evident on your face. The exorcist moment you had in the bushes seemed to help sober you up

“I am- so freakin sorry”

You whisper, your slight Southern accent poking out between your words. You’ve sobered up just a bit, but the slight of this girl still makes you feel twisted up inside and guilty for no particular reason

“No need, let's just get you home safe, okay?” Ellie’s voice spoke so gently you almost believed that everything was in fact okay.

your head is pressed against the window of her beaten-down Jeep, and you make it a point to keep your eyes looking out onto the road and not onto her. You couldn’t figure out why you wanted to look at her so badly, but you knew if you did, the knot that was wrapped around your stomach and soul would only tighten, and that was a feeling you couldn’t bare tonight.

“address?”

you heard her ask, snapping you out of your daze and making your head turn to look at her before you had time to tell yourself better

“huh- oh fuck- yeah, it’s 526 water tower apartments” You watch as her face contorts into a smile, and for the hundredth time tonight, your stomach tightens the magnetic pull you felt toward her from the moment her green eyes met yours so intense it almost hurt

why did it feel like this?

It never felt like this with Ben Or Jack Or Kyle of any other boy you tried to love

“why are you smiling” you keep your voice light the war path in your mind easier to ignore if you focus on her lips

“cause- we’re neighbors basically i’m on the forth floor.”

and there it is again that magnetic pull.

The pair of you stand outside your door, and you know it shouldn’t feel hard to say goodbye why are you lingering? She’s a perfect stranger, a kind one but a stranger, so why can’t you thank her and be done

You exist in a type of limbo for a moment, a middle ground between hello and goodbye; neither one of you knows what to say. You’ve already rattled off all the thank yous and your welcomes you can, so why isn’t this done yet? why don’t you want it to be

“Could- could I have your number? Just so I can make sure your good?”

The relief that floods you shouldn't be there. You shouldn't feel giddy that she wants to make sure you are okay you shouldn't feel anything like this, and you should say no

But you eagerly pull out your phone and watch her type in your number

“Oh- in y/n by the way-”

She cuts you off with her own name

“Ellie.”

“thank you again ellie”

You say as you slip through your front door and into bed the weight of the night laying heavy on your chest as you try and sleep.

the sun wakes you up the next morning and as your eyes adjust to the light your phone catches your attention

you feel your stomach tie back up and your head gets the all too familiar dizzy feeling that last night you blamed on the booze

she texted you

and you knew you weren't strong enough to not text back.

comment to be added to the tag list

#iriswrites #ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #modern!ellie williams #ellie angst #ellie x reader #college!ellie williams #dealer!ellie #loser!ellie #ellie smau #ellie williams smut #tlou fic

[nobody-nexus]

Okay so... I have an AU idea for TADC

So seeing all of these AUs for TADC around gave me an idea for one, and if I get enough positive feedback I'll probably draw stuff about it. The name for it is called The Sinful Circus AU. The concept is that the digital circus is a prison for some of the worst prisoners of all. Each one of the circus members are themed after one of the seven deadly sins, and their crime reflected of that. (Note: Lust, in this context, is NOT sexual- but more manipulation. Please keep that in mind)

Caine was the very first prisoner forced to put on the headset. He was Specimen 0, and therefore in there the longest. So long that he forgot he was even a human being in the first place, instead thinking he's an omnipresent AI. His real name is Camerom Ringler, and his sin was Pride. Crimes he committed involve fraud, identity theft, use of illegal substances, and various other unknown crimes

The second longest lasting prisoner is an older man named Roman Kingston, and his sin was Greed, using his royal status as a prince to steal from thousands of people. The circus made him insane, and now he's just in his own world, claiming a small portion of the place as 'his kingdom' while not being all quite there at the same time

The next was a woman named Amanda Dollie, who's sin was Sloth. She was the head secretary for the president at the time of her sentence, but she hadn't been a good one. She made a number of short cuts which lead to a near economic collapse. The circus pushes her around often, even though she can be put back together easily, it's still painful and hard to handle a lot of the time

Next was Jackson Conejito. His sin was Lust, but not in the way most think when hearing that. It was an intense longing for hatred and to cause havoc and chaos, becoming a menace DUE to this longing. Robbery, breaking and entering, and arson to name a few- this longing to give others hate grew more and more until he was finally caught. He's the least affected within the circus, but his bunny like appearance was a more ironic punishment

Soon enough the next one was a girl named Grace Mezzanine- who's sin was Envy. Due to her front of being a constantly happy and cheery person, most were surprised when it turned out that the lovable woman was a murderer- killing people who upset her or made herself conscious and jealous. Her love for musical theater taught her how to act, so her circus body being just as spineless as she was made the most sense

Second to last was Zoe Clash, who's biggest sin was Gluttony. They couldn't get enough attention, being the most well-known sinful criminal. A media star that, due to being so obsessed with beauty and being the center of attention, lead to the second most deaths even if indirectly. To match the ugliness in their heart, they turned into something that's hard to describe aside from 'unnatural' and 'mismatching'

The last currently alive, and the most recent of them all, was Polina Shutnik. Not much was known about the woman. She was born in Russia but grew up fully American. She caused the most deaths out of the people stuck in there. Anything that's considered a weapon will put the normally tired and anxious woman into a murdering machine until she passes out or the item is ripped from her hands. She's also the one who remembers the least about herself in the circus. All she remembers is having a headset put onto her head. She takes the form of a jester, confused and scared whilst looking for a way out

These seven aren't the only ones who were put in here, but most abstract into torturous monsters that the coders that keep them within use to hurt them constantly. Abstraction happens when the human body of the prisoner dies, and the headset isn't taken off within seconds after their death

These seven prisoners, here to live the rest of their lives within this digital torment... Or maybe not

(If you have any thoughts for this AU- let me know! I wanna work on this more because I find the idea cool and interesting!)

#the amazing digital circus #amazing digital circus #the digital circus #digital circus #tadc #pomni #ragatha #jax #kinger #gangle #zooble #caine #tadc pomni #tadc ragatha #tadc jax #tadc kinger #tadc gangle #tadc zooble #tadc caine #tadc au #au #god I hope people read this #it's a good wall of text I promise

[obae-me]

Here's my personal thoughts on the last few lessons:

Spoilers ahead!

Mammon and Asmo losing theirselves to their demonic urges? WONDERFUL! I adored that for a number of reasons. Not only did it give us some possessiveness, some action, some drama, but it opened up the "subconscious scenes".

I personally do not think Mammon's dream was a perfect 1-to-1 scenario on what happened in the past. It's a dream! And Asmo's wonky fairytale confirmed that it's what their mind made up. Do I think something similar happened in the Celestial Realm? Probably, but I think the main focus was supposed to be on Mammon striving to accomplish his dreams and care for his brothers, sometimes at the expense of others. It also hurts because what does he fear most at the end of the day? Being a scummy person. Thinking that he's doing good things just for himself. Thinking that none of the love or kindness that he has is real. As someone who was raised in the church, always wondering if I was doing the right thing out of fear or in hopes of a reward rather than actually having morals, that stuff hit HARD. He deserves so much. Someone in the Celestial Realm gave this Boi too much anxiety.

Asmo's dream scene I think was beautiful! A little confusing on the whole teleporting through consciousness bit, but overall a really great look into Asmo's personality. (Asmo stans must be thriving right now.) I love that Asmo's power is strong enough to even influence Lucifer, even if it's just for a short while. I LOVE the fact that they tried to convince everyone he was doing it because he just wants fame and recognition, when they finally turn at the end and change all of that. What Asmo really wants is unconditional love. He thinks people only love him because he's beautiful, and so he's TERRIFIED of being ugly, because then he thinks people will leave him. He charms his brothers to make them stay (while of course giving into some more of his selfish urges, having them serve him). He's scared of good things coming to an end- so much so that he sobs and panics. He's scared of dying.

I love that Lucifer seems to be central to his brother's hopes and dreams so far. He RAISED those boys, he's crucial to them. And they're crucial to him, and I hope they dive deeper into that if/when Lucifer loses himself to his sin. I love that he's gotten humbled quite a few times these last few lessons.

I'm a bit iffy on the Barbatos and Solomon reveal. I do really enjoy the fact that Barbatos is being extremely petty, feeling that Solomon has slighted him by making him "eighth" and so he slights him in return. On the other hand, they did have an opportunity to make this a really deep thing, so it's a little anticlimactic, especially for having it been drawn out this long, but I'm not complaining *too* much.

I do love that we get a much bigger look into Solomon's personality. He's so lonely that he got drunk one night while MC was gone. He's pretty possessive and a little prone to anger, so much so that when Asmo even so much as insults MC, he's ready to use force. He's also a funny little man who gets real upset when he forgets to do his chores (which is hilarious because in the orignal OM, it was said that he didnt take care himself well at all, which means MC helped whip him into shape a bit) and wants nothing more than a home-cooked meal. I think he's been so far separated from normalcy, he's starting to heal from what he's been missing.

I love that they've really written the brothers like a *family*. A wonky mess of a family, but a family nonetheless.

Overall, Nightbringer has really been doing good. Of course it has its weaker moments, but I've really been enjoying it so far. (Now if we could have the writers give a little bit more of that tlc towards the events, I'd be super happy).

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me nightbringer #obey me spoilers

[koolades-world]

Genius OM! Character Design

Next up in character design analysis is Asmo!! @xsugarxglass asked that I do him next so I am! If anyone has a character you want me to do next please let me know cause otherwise I’ll probably drag my feet lol

Before I actually get into looking at his design can we please admire that all his buttons are heart shaped?? it’s literally so cute. The hole in the back of his shirt for his wings is also a heart <33

First, I’m going to look at the obvious and pick the low hanging fruit. The golden scorpion accent thingy is pretty clear as to why it’s there and what it does. The splash of gold on a mostly black and pink outfit not only draws more attention to it, but it also helps him as a character. Scorpions, or more specifically, scorpion tattoos can symbolize many things, but the one I found most interesting was it’s meaning of rebirth after ending something toxic and resilience. While all of the brothers did changed in a way, I personally think Asmo was the most upset after the fall. Levi and Beel were also pretty distraught. Levi’s reason was most in tune with Asmo’s reason of hating becoming a demon. I feel as if scorpions help represent how he grew to accept himself the way he was after the fall.

Both the tail and the head of the scorpion have a heart, which could just be a callback to his sin, but I think it might represent his journey as a being. It sounds more stupid the more I think about it, but hear me out lol. He started as an angel, where he loved everything about his life. Nothing could be better. He had everything he could ever want. Until the Celestial War happened. He became something else, hence the red heart becoming gold. (An after thought to this was I noticed the red heart was outlined with gold, but this might be to symbolize how his fate was set in stone, and how he was always meant to become a demon. However, I’m not really sure about that so please let me know what you think.) The scorpion trails around his chest, his back, and finally ends around his hips. I think this might represent his journey as a demon and accepting himself. It isn’t a smooth one. It’s constantly spiny and prickly. While observing the detail more, I noticed some spines were hidden or missing, perhaps representing breaks within this journey of self doubt and hatred. The closer you get to the end, the smaller the spines gets, which could mean he learnt and eventually accepted himself the way he was as a demon, since the scorpion ends in a heart. Or I could be over thinking it LOL

On his torso, he has eleven black roses. I did a little research since I don’t know much about flowers, but apparently eleven roses means “you are my treasured one” and don’t ask where I learned this since this is a random piece of knowledge I just have but apparently it also means rebirth which ties back to my previous point. Black roses usually symbolize death and mourning but again, mean rebirth! See a pattern here?

His wings are the smallest of among (among us lol) his brothers, so I imagine he can’t do a whole lot. He probably can’t carry people super effectively like his brothers can. His wings might represent how he feels kind of unless. Although I did just go on a whole rant about how he’s grown to accept himself as a demon, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t think he’s ugly or pointless sometimes. Not much else to add here because any other point I thought made sense in my head made zero sense written down. If I ever find a way to make it make sense I’ll add it lol

The heart birthmarks? I think they are, on his arm are meaningful too. This is unrelated, but I noticed any brothers with specific marks like these have them on one side of his body, like Belphie, but that’s for later. Apparently three hearts mean the loves of the past, present, and future. This is a bit of a stretch since all the three heart designs I saw were all connected or closer, but otherwise I would have nothing to say about them lol. The hearts are also stressed looking, pulled thin at the tips, which could represent his emotional turmoil. The one outlines in pink almost reminds me of a tear drop. If were still going by the heart tattoo thing, that would be his heart of the present, meaning his current reality is distressed, but he’s happy in a way becuase it’s outlined in his color. This could represent Mc because Mc is the first person he thought he could love as much as himself

What he’s wearing is something I would call faux-formal. I personally love the faux anything style, especially faux-business. It’s like when you wear something that looks like it’s intended to be for a more professional or nice setting, but it’s actually breaks pretty much all of the rules. My personal favorite example is this cute button up shirt I own. It looks totally professional on the hanger, but like it’s actually super see through and the top buttons are fake, so I usually wear it with a short but businessy skirt and blazer to embrace the look. The collar being buttoned up to the very top, his shoes, and the tail coat is giving very formal, but the cutout in the back and his pants ruin this look. I think this might be a way to say “fuck you” to the Celestial Realm or anyone who might judge him for his sin. People often write him off as the horny, comic relief, but he’s so much deeper than that. He’s capable of feeling love, but just doesn’t fully understand it and everyone around him easily say it’s just his sin talking.

Unrelated observations that I don’t think means a whole lot include his nails are pink and lime, and not pink and teal and his horns are dipped in pink and I’m not sure any other brother has colored horns. lowkey he snatched… Bella Hadid 🥳

Let me know what you guys think or if you have anything to add

#obey me #obey me! #obey me asmo #obey me x reader #obey me asmo x reader #obey me character breakdown

[linkspooky]

Thoughts on Higuruma?

He’s personally one of my favorites. I’m interested to know if ya had any analysis/opinions on him. And how you think his arc will go in the future.

Higuruma’s character is interesting on two levels, one because he is subversive of a lot of characters thinking in Jujutsu Kaisen “the ugliness of the weak, might makes right, the solution to every problem is getting stronger” he also contrasts Geto in an interesting way as they both have similiar reasons for breaking down but end up going in the complete opposite direction. I’ll explore more under the cut. 

1. Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

In Jujutsu Kaisen and in shonen manga in general, the attitude is that the solution of every problem is to just train and get strong. This is an attitude echoed not only by Gojo but also his students especially in the earliest parts of the manga. If there’s a difficulty you can’t face, if you lose someone, then the solution is to work harder to get stronger. 

This is an understandable attitude especially after Yuji’s death is caused both by Yuji having to rely on Sukuna instead of controlling him, and also a death that could have been prevented if Megumi fought Sukuna using his power to his full potential. In such a situation where you are rendered weak and helpless due to your lack of ability, it makes sense you would want to be stronger so as to not be caught in that situation ever again. 

There’s a certain logic to it, if you’re weak you can’t even help yourself especially in a crisis situation so of course if you want to help other people you have to be at least that capable. 

The problem for Gojo and his students is that they really only know how to be strong, as if that is the solution to every problem. Megumi, Nobara and Yuji all train to get stronger, but by the end of the Origin of Obedience arc, they all suffer from a lack of communication because Yuji and Megumi both want to keep secrets from each other in order to protect the other one. Maki is someone who wants to get strong enough to fight back against the entire Zenin clan and prove them wrong about her, and yet she’s also incapable of basic communication with her sister Mai that could have solved their conflict. 

This is a lesson that Gojo learns early on in life too at the end of Premature death, that being strong was not something that could save Geto. The reason why I say “Might makes Right” is a common philosophy in the Jujutsu World is because Gojo himself had a bit of a complex, believing that people like him and Geto were so much stronger than normal humans that they couldn’t have human flaws too. 

The reason that Suguru’s downfall gives Gojo such whiplash is because he didn’t believe someone he saw as above other people like him was capable of making such a human error. It’s not just refusal to believe that a friend like Suguru would do anything wrong, it’s his entire world getting flipped on its head. 

Which is where we get this might makes right philosophy, that those who wield power are always righteous, whereas weakness is some kind of sin. Despite the fact there is no human being on earth who is strong all the time in every situation, and everyone has vulnerabilities, flaws. This is where we get Higuruma himself is a subversion of that kind of thinking, because while most characters either look down on, or try to ignore weakness Higuruma is a rare person who tries to look at that weakness instead. 

He is someone who remembers the basic fact that all people are weak sometimes, and as selfish as they may seem they are people who are in need of help. Expecting a person who’s suffering and a person who’s weak to also be completely morally pure at the same time, to suffer nobly, to not show any ugliness at all when they’re in pain is almost expecting too much out of them. Whereas Higuruma’s logic is simple, Itadori’s weak and he needs help, and Higuruma’s reason for helping him is that there are probably lots of people just like Itadori who need help too. Weakness is something we all share in common. 

2. The Ugliness of the Weak

Geto and Higuruma are also both two characters who continually tried to help weak people around them, because they believed they had a duty to do so out of their position as someone strong. Geto is one of the strongest curse users in the generation, whereas even when he was just a lawyer, Higuruma was regarded as a genius. 

They are both characters with higher minded goals who believe they have to act out of duty to protect others. 

Their duty is not something they can look away from or shrug off. However, it’s this positivity, this drive they have to help others that ends up leading to their downfall. Higuruma and Geto even have incredibly similar breakdowns. Geto describes his as getting stuck in the cycle of exorcising and consuming curses without making a real difference in the world. Higuruma’s caught in a similiar cycle. 

They are both essentially exposed to the ugliness of people over and over again until they completely lose faith and believe what they are doing is pointless. At which point they snap and become an inversion of their former selves, Higuruma kills people in the game seemingly without remorse, Geto starts massacring the humans he once swore to protect. 

It is also for both of them more the systems they are caught up in that are to blame, then the weak people themselves. The indifferent masses seem like an easy target to lash out against, but Higuruma’s frustration comes with the law system, and Geto’s frustration is the corrupt sorcery world that commands young sorcerers to die over and over again. 

If there was a difference between the two of them it was Geto flipped his opinion and started to despise weak people entirely. He could never divorce himself from the idea of might makes right, so even when he started to lose his way he didn’t face the ugliness of himself. Geto can’t see any resmeblance between the weak people he looks down on and himself, even though by the time of Jujutsu Kaisen Zero he’s perfectly willing to kill Yuta an innocent to make his plans go forward, the same way Toji ruthlessly executed Rika. Might makes right, after all, the strong are the ones who have the right to decide over the weak. 

Whereas Higuruma is still capable of seeing weakness in himself, because he recognizes that all people are weak and ugly and that he is no exception. It’s Yuji’s admission of his own weakness and taking responsibility that brings him back down to earth, because there’s a better path forward in helping a weak person than there is in eliminating them. 

Higuruma is able to reflect upon the weakness in himself in a way that Geto can’t, and because of that he’s able to process his remorse and realize he regrets the people he has killed so far, something that breaks him out of the cycle of violence whereas Geto is still caught up in that cycle until the end. 

#geto suguru #higuruma hiromi #jjk higuruma #jjk meta #jujutsu kaisen meta #jujutsu kaisen theory #culling games #jujutsu kaisen #yuji itadori #metasks

[genderkoolaid]

was thinking about why marginalized people often use slurs in describing oppression. like in the phrase "magical negro", or using the term "cripple" or "tranny" when talking about how people see us. its not reclamation, it's more about specifically forcing the dominant group to face their bias.

bc when it comes to overt forms of bigotry, there isn't really the need to do this. the bigot will very directly tell you why they hate you- because you are a [slur], a stand-in for everything the believe about the group they hate (being unnatural, criminals, dirty, sinful, ugly, a drain on society, etc).

but generally those kinds of overt bigotry are harder to have in polite society, especially when the marginalized group in question has enough visibility and has been loud enough about their treatment that people have to acknowledge it. now, saying you hate black people or trans people or immigrants is a social faux pas, and people acknowledge that hating those groups is Bad.

but anything less than hatred is still looked over, because critically examining how our actions contribute to social patterns is Hard and requires abstract thinking, and it's much easier to just get rid of the most blatant forms of bigotry and wipe your hands of the whole nasty "systemic oppression" issue. overt bigots are bad, ostensibly because of their bigotry, but largely because they just are so gauche about it, you know? it's easy for Good Liberals in the US north to mock the gun-obsessed fat Southern man caricature who doesn't believe in climate change and says slurs, but they often get quiet and awkward if someone brings up the liberal white woman from New York who quickly locks her door when a Black man walks by her car on the sidewalk. She doesn't hate black people, so she can't be racist- there's a world of difference (in her mind) between herself and the Racist. even if, whether it's through gun violence on private property or calling the cops because she feels scared, a Black man gets killed because a white person's racist bias.

getting back to the original point about slurs: using them in this context forces people to recognize that all of that bias is the same. your racism, transphobia, ableism, isn't different just because you use nice words. dominant groups get uncomfortable when marginalized groups use slurs to point out their bigotry (i.e "you want me to be a good tranny") because it draws a direct connection between the blatant, socially unacceptable bigotry and the socially acceptable, low-key bigotry. a lot of times, society reacts to oppressed groups fighting for liberation by addressing the most obvious elements while allowing and encouraging the subtle elements, so that way they calm down and stop causing problems, but society doesn't have to meaningfully change. drawing that connection pulls the cover off of society. no more "but I don't hate immigrants so I'm not xenophobic!", because xenophobia isn't just ICE officers keeping kids in cages, it's also getting annoyed with people who have strong accents because why can't they just learn to speak English better and making every movie set in Eastern Europe have a blue filter so you know it's Foreign and Sad.

basically, slurs are used as a weapon to remind marginalized groups of every stereotype about them, and "put them in their place". but they can also be used to force polite bigots to face their own bigotry, blowing away the smokescreen of "only violent oppression is real oppression". There's a power to be found in bringing your issues into the light when the world would really rather you sit pretty and smile and thank it for doing the bare minimum while still making your life hell.

#m. #I'm just rambling but it was interesting thinking abt the reasons we do this #bc polite bigotry is so fucking annoying #ive always hated the conflation of violence w bigotry #and how people will insist they CANT be bigoted because they aren't literally a neonazi #also a lot of times ppl will complaining about how ''everything is bigoted now!!'' because they don't understand how sociology works #but that's another issue #racism #homophobia #transphobia #ableism #eugenics #transandrophobia #antiblackness

[ramayantika]

Samridhi's Journal

I can only express through art. Someone said they saw raw passion and love in my eyes when I talked about how art could only make me feel alive, and how it was the most wonderful, yet also the nightmarish thing to occur to me. I dance through my nightmares too, my feet red and bloodied, and my soul transcending the limits of this body. God, I want this, I crave this so badly -- this must stay forever in my heart, in my life, in my soul.

I am seldom the lover in my life, romantically speaker than the lovers I talk about in my writings. Romance never occurred to me much, not generally with a man, I am a lover, and even having a boy, I still feel that my identity as a lover isn't associated with having a beloved, but for my love for my life and my art. There is madness flowing through me. I yearn to dance, sing and scream. Then I want to sleep for a long time, wake up and dance again. I shall cry hard, weep about the younger selves whom I abandoned years ago. Nothing ever makes sense, and I have so less time. There is chatter around me, loads and lots of, and I still amidst the company of friends feel alone, and I wonder, if this loneliness will ever go away. I turn to art, to my notebooks, and ankle bells in hopes that I will reach home, but what if art is my only home now. It's noisy. It's beautiful. It's ugly. It's sinful. It's messy. It's divine.

Beauty is my failed pursuit, it feels when she points at the latest blemish sporting in my skin. I felt like the glorious sun before, but now I sit quietly like the eclipsed sun. I want to be flawless, and dreamy, but i am after all, nature's daughter. There's gravel and mud through which wild flowers and lotuses bloom, and this silly little blemish seems really insignificant. She talks about how she would hate ageing and wants to look forever young, and I am tired of hearing the same beauty regimen being repeated to me to clear my skin. Pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, my face, but in my heart, yes I am a pretty person, yet I burn in envy, and transform into a monster with my pride and ego. I hate everything. I love everything too. The gods love me. i hate the gods. They make me so powerless, but I am in the end some nights a writer, so I change the tales of some gods.

I am only but a performer, my life a full performance only. When will the curtains draw, and I shall exit the stage with a final bow. Sometimes, I think about dying on stage. There are too many thoughts about death everyday, that perhaps might just attract death to pay a little visit, to see who calls out to him, and thinks of him so often. But, it is the coming of the same death that makes me fear, and not death actually, like Dorian said.

Breathe. Life is tender. I see tenderness in this war-filled world. There must be tenderness somewhere blooming in warm hearts. What is this madness samridhi?? Your thoughts run like a river, maybe faster, and where is it that you take them every night as you furiously type and write them, in hopes that someday something makes sense?

#samridhi speaks #the fuck #samridhi writes

[popopretty]

Hi, how is your day? I want to ask you about Dazai's character and its developments in the series, and what do you think of him? Do you think he's smarter than fyodor? Thank you for the answer in advance... And in the end, I would like to thank you for your hard work and your wonderful style of writing. it is relly special ..

Hi, thanks for the message. I am glad u like what I do (I don’t really “write”, just “translate”, though).

I’m quite bad at expressing my opinions. I normally do not give much thought to things until I am asked about it. So u may find it my answer all over the place because I haven’t had it arranged in my head, it’s more like pulling out old notes from a rusty drawer. So I’m sorry about it in advanced. And this is all my personal opinion, so you don’t have to agree with me.

Dazai is a complicated and interesting character for me. He is smart, too smart that it brings him misery. People say ignorance is bliss, right? Then Dazai must be the most unfortunate guy on earth. Even Asagiri once described him as someone who has lived for 2000 years. I, with the brain of a normal person, can’t bring myself to imagine how boring life would be for him, knowing things too well. Some might say that he was being overdramatic when he was young, and that he’d regret having all those thoughts when he gets older. But I personally don’t think so. I think the pain and agony he felt was real, then or now. Just that in the past, he hadn’t met people who would surprise him, or go beyond his calculations, he lived on thinking humans were ugly, sinful and stupid and didn’t understand why they should be saved. His head must have been overwhelmed with thoughts that no one would ever be able to understand, and no one would even try to understand. That is why he was always lonely, and suicidal. I don’t think he really wanted to die, he just couldn’t find what to live for.

The thing I like about Dazai’s character is that he fundamentally didn’t change, even with all the so-called character developments. He was still the smart, and sad and lonely guy that he used to be. But he have met people who made him want to try living, peope who gave him a purpose and people who genuinely cared about him. And those are things that even his genius brain couldn’t have predicted. From a fifteen year old who believed nothing was worth living for, he has become able to tell Kyouka that everyone deserves a second chance in life, to Fyodor that it is okay even if we are all sinfully stupid, and admit that no matter how well him and Fyodor can foresee things, the fate of the world is not decided by them, but the imperfect human beings that are fighting for what they deem precious out there. I doubt Dazai will ever get rid of his suicidal thoughts, or loneliness, but at least he has things he wants to protect, and it gives him the motivation to live on. We haven’t seen him talking about dying for no reasons for so long. Now he only lets himself get hurt, or take risky action for the greater sake (BEAST is not counted cuz that is a totally different universe), and I think it is a good sign in his character development.

I forgot to write about his relationship with Akutagawa and Atsushi. Basically, I don’t think Dazai was a good mentor. Someone who hardly experienced failure is not likely to become a good mentor. He treated Akutagawa badly in the past because all he could see was that the weak could not survive in the harsh world and there was no saving for them. But the meeting with Oda has changed his way of thinking. He now sees orphans and the weak as those he has to protect, that’s why the way he treated Atsushi is very different from that of Akutagawa. He is still not the best mentor, but he is better now.

About Fyodor, I don’t think he is smarter than Fyodor. They must be on the same level of wits. Dazai actually can act more human when he is around people like him, so having Fyodor as an opponent can actually be very entertaining to him. Even if Dazai is going to win the final battle, I don’t think it is because Dazai is smarter. He is just backed up by more people in the “somewhat beautiful” side.

#bsd #ask

[ystrike1]

Only Love - By Teng Luo Wei Zhi (6/10)

An immature yandere is hit or miss on a good day. On a bad day the concept is a snorefest. This is for younger readers. It's edgy, not scary. I don't think comics about possessive guys...specifically aimed at younger readers...are super ethical. I know there's a market for it, and there are worse things to read. No judgement. This is PG13.

Our conflicted, immature yandere is a rich boy with silver hair. His daddy owns a big real estate company. He gets away with...pretty serious crimes and he's a known delinquent. He treats his girlfriends like accessories. He doesn't actually date or kiss them. He literally picks whoever the prettiest girl in school is, and he lets that poor girl beg for the chance to be his future rich wife.

He's...an evil bratty snot who owns a motorcycle.

His main goal in the story is to seduce our protagonist, Meng. She's a tough nut. She's been through alot. She was actually recently murdered. The plot takes place during her second life. Meng had it pretty hard in her first life. She...was kind of a doormat and she let her adopted sister bully her. Her mom is super dead for real, so she was a good girl always for the sake of her hardworking adopted dad.

Ren falls madly in love with her in both of her lives, which is a problem.

Meng's adopted sister is an inferiority complex. Her entire character is defined by how inferior she feels. The worst part of this story is...the way the other characters treat her. Lan is an immature, bratty girl. She's not very pretty. She's not very talented, and Meng is good at everything. She's in love with Ren. Ren makes fun of her and he calls her ugly. Then he starts to stalk Meng. The girl Lan is most envious of. I hate to say it but Lan is young. It is not fair that she's stuck as a villain. Based on what I've seen I would go crazy if I was her. Eventually she becomes a stereotypical crazy character, but if I was in high school...and everybody would not shut up about how ugly I am...and how perfect my sister is...ugh.

Lan murderd Meng in her first life. It was brutal. She was on a cliff looking for their lost little brother. Lan loses it and starts wailing about how Meng stole everything from her and....uh...she kinda did??? Lan's biological father loves Meng more than her. Ren loves Meng, not her. Meng's friends treat her like a nuisance, and on top of that Lan consistently gets bullied for "daring to covet" a handsome rich guy she isn't "worthy of"

Young readers. Please beware messages like this. Plain girls or ugly girls or stupid girls do not have to be villains. Perfection should never be the goal when you're a teenager. Being...not model hot at fifteen isn't a cardinal sin.

Just...be careful.

When Meng's second life kicks off Ren has a girlfriend...toy. He ignores her and she constantly brags about being chosen by him. Please. Do not date anyone who acts like this. It is an excuse to cheat on you. No girl should be a back up for any guy. I don't care how rich he is.

Shen here viciously bullies Lan, and frankly she's a big reason why Lan develops into a thin skinned envy monster.

Meng's mom died in a crash, and she was left with severe head trauma. She has to suffer with abysmal vision, and light sensitivity for many years. Eventually she gets better, but she has to wear glasses.

Yes.

She is the most beautiful girl in school. She's beautiful enough to be a model. She's a dutiful girl who did not deserve to die...but she's an adult in a child's body.

Um....

Hard pass.

Ren's personality is...this...

This sums him up.

He doesn't know Meng is pretty, but he gets interested anyway. Meng is too calm. Too cold. Unaffected by his cash and his face. He falls for her, but he gets embarrassed about it, because she clearly doesn't like him.

Also Meng hits him with her walking stick when he tries to touch her.

Good.

He does actually start to respect her after this point.

Ren begins to act unstable. A bunch of his toady friends call Meng ugly. In response he breaks up with his girlfriend and he almost beats up some of his closest friends. He approaches her slowly. Money won't work...and he loves the hunt.

He is a confirmed yandere. In his first life he committed murder, possibly for her sake. He is definitely not sane, but the main couple isn't very likeable here.

#yandere #male yandere #yandere male #yandere boy #recommendations #recs #rec #recommended #webtoon #Only Love

[sciderman]

I was wondering how do you feel about Mark Waids Deadpool: Sins Of The Past mini-series? Outside of it being like a big set-up for Joe Kellys run (or at least the start of it) and a follow up to Circle Chase, do you think it's a good story on it's own and that Waids portrayl of Wade (god that's confusing to said aloud, isn't it?) is one of the good, or possibly better ones?

personally i like it! i don't think it's nearly as strong as circle chase - for me, circle chase is honestly the lightning-in-a-bottle deadpool story. nothing comes close. i don't know why circle chase scratches an itch for me that no other deadpool book came close to, but for me it just struck the right balance of everything.

i also think the art isn't as sexy in sins of the past. it isn't bad, but it's blockish and awkward. and the lines are too thin. i'm a shallow person. 90s comics can be so, so pretty, or so so ugly.

i think sins of the past put the volume up on everything. like i like wade to be a bit pathetic. but sins of the past made him a touch too pathetic. i like wade to be mopey. but sins of the past made him a touch too mopey.

i like wade to be kind of a hopeless romantic... you know, all these things. i don't know, i like a bit, but not too much. like you love a meal, but there's just a little too much salt in it. just a little. and you'd like it more if there were a little less salt. it's very personal. i can't even put a finger on why i like some versions of wade over others. i feel like sins of the past wade talks a lot louder than circle chase wade does. i can hear it when i read it. his voice is louder. and i feel like telling him "use your indoor voice".

circle chase wade is a little more aloof. less high-energy, more quietly grumpy. and i love that.

they double-down on the bouncy, zany looney-tunes-ness of wade wilson in sins of the past, and i don't know, it's a bit loud for me. i think maybe the whole thing is louder - the characters, the action, everything. i think i need them to turn the volume down just a little.

i find it's that way in most of the things i watch or read - i need quiet spaces to breathe. i need panels with less dialogue. i need stories with less plot, so that i can breathe. so that i can just enjoy the moment.

it's a big problem i have with a lot of comics. kelly's run, thankfully, does have some breathing space. even though it's so chaotic in places too. i think i need to reread kelly's run, front-to-back. heck, i think i want to maybe read all of deadpool's stuff in it's entirety, in some chronological order, to try and find some cohesion amongst all the chaos.

#sci speaks #sci talks comics #deadpool