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rigmarolling · 4 years

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Myth Time: Loki and the Goat

Once upon a time, the ice giantess/goddess/resident “I-have-no-indoor-voice friend” Skadi was upset about Asgard killing her dad, so she kicked down the door to their victory party and went, “WHO’S THE LITTLE PISSANT WHO KILLED MY FATHER?”

Everyone just stared, mouths full of feast food, and pointed to Loki like

And Loki went

Skadi glowered, axe in hand and went, “If you people don’t FIX this IMMEDIATELY, heads will roll, and by heads, I specifically mean--” and she swung her head in a certain jötunn’s direction-- “that head.”

And Loki was like

Odin immediately went into PR cleanup mode and said, “You’re right--we’re either advertently or inadvertently responsible for the death of your father. What is it that you want?”

And Skadi leaned in and hissed between her teeth, “I want blood.”

Odin, who generally preferred to be literally anywhere else about 95% of the time, went

and said, “Right, well, we’re in the middle of something right now, so besides bloodshed, what can we do to make reparations?”

Skadi narrowed her eyes. Sniffed. Looked around imperiously at the idiots with mouths full of mutton, and said, “I want three things.”

“Name them,” Odin said.

Skadi propped her axe against the wall, straightened up, and looked down at Odin through her frosted eyelashes.

“One,” she said, “I want you to cast my father’s eyes into the sky so they will be immortalized as eternal, shining stars.”

Odin went

but did it, anyway, because everyone’s got their quirks; who was he to judge?

Then, brushing the eyeball goo off of his hands, Odin asked, “What’s the second thing?”

Skadi sniffed.

“Secondly, I demand that one of you makes me laugh.”

The gods shifted in their seats. If they weren’t nervous before, they absolutely were now, because Skadi never laughed. Like, ever.

“Skadi never laughs,” Thor muttered in disbelief. “Like, ever.”

Skadi’s head swiveled in his direction. “Did you say something, you walking sausage roll?”

Thor quickly swallowed the bite of pie he’d been chewing. “No, no. Nothing.”

“My liege lady,” Odin said quickly, his tone suddenly silken. “Why not something...simpler? We wouldn’t want to insult you with lukewarm attempts at humor, after all--”

“Someone,” Skadi declared imperiously, “had better make me laugh, or I swear by the Norns, I will garrote each and every one of you with your own intestines while your children watch on the sidelines and weep for their gutless progenitors!”

Thor blinked and went,

But they had no choice. So, sweating slightly and fighting back anxiety pee, the gods each took their turn trying to make Skadi laugh.

Tyr, the god of war, tried some biting political satire. Skadi didn’t even blink.

Idunn, the goddess of youth, rattled off a few celebrity impressions, but was really more of a “behind the scenes” sort of gal, so Skadi remained stone-faced.

Baldr quoted a few lines from The Importance of Being Earnest, but nobody knew what the hell he was talking about or who the hell Oscar Wilde was, so that was bust.

Thor tried his hand at that one “orange you glad I didn’t say banana” knock knock joke that you thought was the pinnacle of comedy when you were five, but he blew it three times before Skadi shot him a look that could have incinerated steel and he hurried back to his seat.

Frigg, goddess of foresight, tossed out a few legitimately great quips about tech culture in Silicon Valley, but being the goddess of foresight generally meant that she was the only one who would get her references for at least 1,000 years. Skadi, flummoxed, simply scowled.

There was enough awful improv to make even that insufferable guy in your college lit class cringe; there was bad, white-dad-at-a-wedding dancing; there were ham-fisted attempts at stand up, but very few gods understood the concept of “setup and payoff,” so every single bit flopped like a dead fish.

Skadi was growing more and more irritable by the second. Her mouth had all but disappeared into a thin line, and her fingers had started twitching, which usually meant she was either bored or hadn’t punched anything in at least an hour.

Worst of all, mid-way through Bragi’s frankly atrocious tagelharpa routine, Skadi had walked away, retrieved her axe, and sat it down next to her.

Bragi, who wouldn’t have noticed a nuclear detonation if it exploded five feet away as long as he was in the middle of a performance, continued, undeterred.

Meanwhile, Loki had been watching from the sidelines, leaning up against an outer wall of the mead hall, his arms crossed, his jaw clenched.

By the time Bragi got to what had to be the 23rd verse, Loki went

and made his way to where Bragi was going on about something to do with a wolf swallowing the sun, nothing important, and hissed, “Stop. Just stop. Just stop! Jesus Christ, what the hell is wrong with you people?”

Then, letting out a huff of frustration, he loped over to the nearby pasture-- which was full of livestock just minding their own business, they didn’t ask for any of this, really-- and whistled at a goat.

The goat, who on some instinctual level knew exactly what was about to happen because he’d been around Loki long enough to know that something always happened, let out a sigh and trotted over.

Then, casting the goat a glance that clearly said, “I owe you one, buddy,” Loki pulled a rope seemingly out of nowhere and, with a look of determination that made everybody in the vicinity incredibly uneasy, dropped his pants.

“What the hell?” cried Freyja, goddess of love and war and death, how metal, love her.

But Loki was in full frat mode at this point.

His goods swinging free for everyone to see, he tied one end of the rope around the goat’s horns.

And the other to his own testicles.

Immediately objecting to having himself tethered to balls that belonged to this guy of all people, the goat began to pull backwards.

Loki let out a thin whine, his face draining of all color, and stumbled forward.

The men in the group looked faintly nauseated.

With a breathless sort of grunting sound, Loki tugged back, pulling the goat forward. But the goat was just done with this shit, oh my God, what the hell? and bucked backward with an indignant, “Baa!”

Loki skittered forward again with a yelp and then hurled himself in the opposite direction, “baa-ing” right back.

And on it went--the goat leaping back and pulling Loki balls-first with him, and Loki tugging back until the goat stumbled unceremoniously forward.

At this point, the other gods and goddesses were howling with laughter and/or sympathy pain, and Loki had never known anything but suffering, holy shit, oh, God, I fucked up, I actually did it, I actually permanently fucked up this time for real, oh, sweet mother of God, this goat is the worst goat in the world, just--just the worst fucking goat, just a really, really bad fucking goat--

His vision spotty, his lower half engulfed with the sort of agony that was all-encompassing and obliterating and just oh my God, you’re a fucking idiot, you really, really are, Loki gave one last, mighty tug, roaring like a cat in heat, and the rope snapped, sending the goat skittering back and Loki tumbling, butt cheeks-first, right into Skadi’s lap.

There was a thick, heavy silence. Loki let out a series of noises that sounded like an anemic balloon slowly being deflated.

And suddenly, Skadi began to laugh.

And laugh.

She laughed so hard, she had to screw her eyes shut to stem the flow of tears. She laughed so hard, she actually stopped making noise and took to wheezing, instead.

In her lap, Loki had lost all sense of space and time and would have really liked to have thrown up, thanks, but to his credit, everyone else was laughing so hard, they’d all started to cry-wheeze, too, so he settled for rolling to the side in a fetal position and clutching his now grotesquely swollen balls, distantly thinking, “That’s showbiz, baby.”

“Well,” said Odin over the din of laughter, clapping his hands together and smiling despite himself, “that settles it, Skadi! We’ve made you laugh. Reparations are made, and no hard feelings, hmm?”

As abruptly as she’d started, Skadi suddenly stopped cackling. Her face, which only a second earlier had been stretched wide in a grin, collapsed back into Miranda Priestly coolness.

“No,” she bit out. “That does not settle it. I still require one more thing.”

Odin had known that; he’d simply hoped she’d been distracted enough that she’d forgotten.

*Narrator voice* she hadn’t.

“Of course.” Odin plastered on a smile and said between his teeth, “Name it.”

Something in Skadi’s glittering, cool eyes softened. Her gaze roved appraisingly over the gods gathered around her.

“I want a husband.”

The men assembled felt a collective scrotum twinge of apprehension.

From his place curled up on the ground, Loki wheezed, “Not it.”

#Mythtory #norse mythology #loki

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kalyan-gullapalli · 4 years

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Post # 142

The salt cleanse and the shit bath...

Priya Kumar's LinkedIn page shouts out that she is an internationally acclaimed motivational speaker, bestselling author of 12 books, executive coach specializing in peak performance, personal breakthroughs and team/leadership building, and now a screenwriter. The page also says that she is a biographer of Late Shri O P Munjal, the founder of Hero group and is now working on Pulella Gopichand's official biography. It finally claims that she has worked with about 2000 MNCs in 47 countries and has touched the lives of over 3 million people through her books and workshops.

Wow! If all of this is true, and I have no reason to believe otherwise, she is a raging success in her life. Congratulations to her!

Of the 12 books she has authored, I have read only one - "I am another you." Through that book, Priya Kumar touched me like few others have.

The book is a true account of a small, yet significant period in her life. It begins with a chapter called The End. In this chapter, Priya Kumar reminisces the past few years of her life and feels like a complete and utter failure. She has just wound up her failed business, broken up with the love of her life, has no more money in her account than to last a month or two, and most importantly, no conviction in her future. She wonders how an intelligent, responsible, good looking, academically bright, gal like her, ended up screwing her life so bad.

Ever been in such a situation before? I suppose we all have, to varying degrees. I most certainly have.

So, Priya needed some me-only space and enrolled for a Shamanic workshop, in Netherlands, for a couple of weeks!!! By the way, Shamans are a kind of native European or American monks, who have spent their lives practicing spirituality in communion with nature, in their own unique ways.

The book - I am another you - contains a few of the Shamanic rituals that Priya went through, that resulted in a profound transformation in her life.

One of the chapters was titled - The Salt cleanse. In this chapter, Priya takes us through a ritual - a kind of spiritual challenge.

One morning, Priya and her co-participants (ten odd or so) were given only carrot juice for breakfast. They were then taken to a nearby barn, where the head Shaman, a guy called Kahuna, gave them instructions - They had to drink five jugs of salt water.

“The jugs contain salt water. It is thick and some will find it difficult to consume. It will flush out the last morsel stuck in the folds of your intestines or even the bottom of your stomach.

Most diseases start from the stomach. If your stomach and intestines host uncleared food particles they eventually grow toxic and diseases will be born.

The salt will move in your body all the way from your mouth to your anal canal and out, bringing out all the crap that your body has stored.

Outside this barn, there are cubicles that you will use to excrete when you feel the pressure build up. There are small metal containers outside the cubicle in which you will excrete. On the way out, you will close the lid and place the container in the corner assigned to you. Is this clear?

You drink the salt and you poop, simple.”

Priya and others looked at each other in disgust, wondering what they had signed up for. But they had no option. So they began.

Priya first took one sip, almost puked, looked around at others struggling with their jugs, mustered some courage and bottoms-upped her jug. Her head spun and her stomach churned. In a short while, a sharp pain in her stomach signalled her pent-up pressure.

She ran towards her cubicle, saw with horror a lone metal container and some toilet paper, with nothing else - no commode, no chair, no nothing. There was no time to complain - the pressure was intense. She sat down and released her pressure with an embarrassing explosion, all the while, mentally denying that this was happening to her. As she got acclimatized to the unbearable stink in the cubicle, she remembered, she had to drink four more jugs. Pink with embarrassment, she wondered how the others are coping. This is how she shares her thoughts in the book.

The salt cleanse challenge took all morning. Priya alternately emptied her jugs and bowels all day. Finally, when her stomach and intestines cried out that there was nothing left in them, she dragged herself to her room, took a long, good scrub bath and fell into a deep sleep. She woke up late next afternoon. That's when she was told that the second part of the challenge was to come that evening.

As the sun set, all the participants sat around a bonfire. Some Shamans were drumming rhythmically. Kahuna sat in front of the fire, lost in a trance. After a while, the drumming stopped. The drummers vanished for a while and reappeared holding long sticks on their shoulders. The sticks held the metal containers of the previous day - their poop buckets. Priya and others grew nervous.

Kahuna stood up and said, “You will now be engaged in a ritual that will challenge your spirit to sit up and take notice of its existence. These containers contain your excreta. We don't know which container contains whose.

This drummer will take one container at random and empty it in your palms. You will accept and acknowledge the contents of the container. I want you to feel and experience the contents and when you have fully acknowledged what your hands hold, release it with into the fire.

You may leave now if you don't want to ahead with this challenge.”

Every atom of Priya's body revolted with revulsion. Every cell in her brain - grey, white or black - screamed, run. Only a small voice in her heart said, stay and face the shit.

As the drummer poured shit onto Priya's outstretched palms, she realised with irony, that in life too, we often have to face the shit created by others. The reverse is also true. Despite our best intentions, others are forced to face the shit created by us. We are all intertwined in a Karmic web of give and receive - sometimes, the good stuff, most of the times, the shit. She says it best...

The last chapter of the book is named The beginning. In this chapter, she says that the above and many such other spiritual processes all taught her that the one place where all the wrongs of the world are righted is inside us. There is nothing wrong with the outside world if we sort out our inside word.

Today is Teacher's day. I dedicate this post to that greatest teacher of mankind - Life!

#priya kumar #i am another you #shaman #ritual #life #failure #success #spiritual challenge #spiritual process #teachers day #Netherlands #netherlands

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that-shamrock-vibe · 4 years

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Movie Review: Birds of Prey (Spoilers)

Spoiler Warning: I am posting this review a week after the movie airs worldwide, so if you have not yet seen the movie do not read on until you have.

Characters:

Harley Quinn:

This is most definitely Margot Robbie’s signature role. Just like Johnny Depp has Jack Sparrow and Gal Gadot has Wonder Woman, Margot Robbie is Harley Quinn and I am not just saying that because she’s the only cinematic version we have.

I really enjoyed the “Galentine’s” movie angle as this movie was released around the traditionally loved-up holiday and Galentine’s is an anti-approach to it. But showing how Harley bounced back after being dumped by the Joker with the traditional break-up tropes of a bad haircut, partying, drinking and generally hitting self destruct was a lot of fun, particularly from Harley’s perspective.

Also the link with her roller derby hobby at the start of the movie showing how she’s moved on to the end of the movie when she uses her roller derby skills in a positive way was really great, and one of the few things I really like about her comics redesign.

As I said in my non-spoiler review, I thought Margot Robbie’s comedy as Harley Quinn had greatly improved from Suicide Squad to here, whether or not that’s better writers or Robbie’s own performance I don’t know. But Margot Robbie, to be fair to her, is funny when given the right material. Just look at how she delivered Brad Pitt’s acceptance speech at the BAFTAs.

But she had a lot of great one-liners and even character moments where it was just physical acting or face acting that just make me laugh every time I watch the movie, and I so far have seen it three times.

My favourite funny lines from her are “Run piggy run!” when she’s gunning down the GCPD officers with glitter rounds, “Does she have to keep running?!” when trying to chase Cassandra through the evidence room while also battling with the mercenaries looking to claim Sionis’ bounty, and when she is explaining why the main women of the movie need to team-up in the most realistic way possible ending with “...so unless we all want to die extremely painful deaths and let Roman go finger fondling around the kid’s intestinal track...”.

In terms of her silent comedy, I loved when she ran for the truck she used to blow up Ace Chemicals, Margot Robbie is a good drunk actor. The way she ran with her arms out but then momentarily stopped seeing the actual driver before continuing anyway, I’m cracking up now just thinking about it.

Also whenever she came across someone who was after her or she had an idea, the way she would sign or look confused or have her trademark devilish grin was fantastic.

In regards to her character development, I am beyond thrilled that they let Harley be Harleen in this movie.

During Suicide Squad she had one or two moments where she did analyse the team and especially in the extended cut she went through the group.

Here though right from the start with Roman in his club she lays out his psyche in front of him and in turn I believe throughout the movie analyses all the main players with the exception of Zsasz.

It did weigh in to the comedy but the fact she had an analysis for everyone so unique to them; Sionis with his insecurities, Canary being a harlequin of sorts, Montoya being stuck in the past, Huntress and her childhood trauma. It was all superb and exactly what I want from Harley.

Even psychoanalysing herself when explaining herself to Cassandra, how she was a psychologist working at Arkham before falling in love with her patient and helping him escape, then being arrested herself and becoming a member of the Suicide Squad, but escaping before being dumped. Serious and professional Harley is just as important to me as the wacky Harlequin of Chaos.

Also the fact she is still a dangerous character both with her actions and unhinged mind. She is a very calculating individual and that’s again a lot to do with her psychological background.

When she manages to save her skin (literally) with Black Mask by telling him she can get his diamond back from Cassandra Cain, the fact she’s clearly hesitant from just turning her over and simply wants the diamond, you can see the frustration in her when Cassandra originally refuses to hand it over before admitting she ate it.

Speaking of what I want to see from my Harley, her action sequences were so good. Harley is an acrobatic character and while we saw shades of that in Suicide Squad, here not only was she doing kicks and flips, but the way she used that baseball bat and her roller skates was everything for me.

Yes Harley with a mallet and a form of firearm will always be Harley, but this is old-school Harley and it works so well.

While I do think Margot Robbie’s storytelling style could be considered all over the place, in the context of Harley Quinn it is such a good narrative because Harley’s mind is all over the place.

I love me a cute animal sidekick and, while neither animals in this movie are cute (or real), I thought Bruce the Hyena was a great addition despite not really doing anything. If you’ve seen him in the trailers you’ve seen him in the movie.

I am hoping that some day soon they could afford to render two hyenas so we can finally get Bud and Lou on the big screen because Harley with her hyenas is such a great partnership.

Harley with a beaver on the other hand...I am just glad it wasn’t played up and used in cheap inuendos. It is slightly annoying that when her apartment was blown up, she had to save the beaver and even at the end of the movie, once it was revealed that Bruce was safe, the beaver was also there. I just don’t get the fascination with it.

Black Canary:

Jurnee Smolett-Bell, as I said in my non-spoiler review, is the breakout star of this movie for me. I know Black Canary quite well thanks to Injustice 2, the Arrowverse and even some animated properties, but seeing her in a more realistic setting rather than the suited up version was very refreshing.

Even the smaller moments for Dinah worked really well thanks to Smolett-Bell’s acting. For example, when that one guy roufees Harley and tries abducting her, the look on Dinah’s face as she’s deciding whether or not to get involved or not was really great.

Giving Black Canary some good action sequences was also the right thing to do because that’s partly what Canary is known for. Not only did she have some great kicks but it was just her attitude and her bravado about how she engaged in her fight choreography.

Also allowing her to sing, I haven’t talked about the music in this movie because while I do love some of the songs used here it wasn’t a lot to rave about, “Man’s World” may be slightly too on the nose for this movie but Smolett-Bell delivered it very well.

And let’s not forget the other way her voice was used, we have our Canary Cry and I am thrilled...mostly. Having it used once at the end of the movie and that’s it does seem like a bit of a waste, but it does make sense with in the context of this movie.

Black Canary is the only metahuman in this movie and on the team and so if she used her power all the time there would be no need for Huntress or even Harley.

However, the fact she fainted after using it once I found interesting. I am not taking the same approach as some by saying it was stupid because I feel the way Dinah’s story is told in this movie that she may not use it a lot and so she may not be vocally trained or durable enough to sustain.

On that note, the nod to Dinah’s mother, aka the original Black Canary, originally being a vigilante with the same Canary Cry as Dinah I also felt played into Dinah’s character. She knows what her mother was like and the fact she died, so of course she didn’t want that life and so didn’t use her power which is why it’s so overwhelming for her.

I do wish her outfits had been more Black Canary-esk. I would have loved more fishnets and definitely a leather jacket rather than that weird disco suit jacket she had on for a lot of the movie.

However, the gold trousers and matching boots were fabulous.

Black Mask:

Ewan McGregor can do no wrong for me really, there is just such a charm and charisma about the actor that I can’t help but like him in everything he is in.

That being said, I will say I know nothing about Black Mask from the comics other than he is a psychologically damaged crime lord. I do not believe he is this campy but I am sorry it works for the movie.

I did like how the movie played up Black Mask’s insecurities which Harley diagnosed at the start of the movie. When that one woman was laughing and he thought it was at him so decided to humiliate her, then later on when Zsasz revealed that Dinah betrayed him and he just flipped.

I’m not entirely sure if Black Mask is this misogynistic in the comics but it seems to be that every woman in this movie was at his mercy. At the start of the movie he clearly had a begrudging relationship with Harley because of her association with The Joker, however, after it was revealed that she had been dumped it seemed like he wanted her but then it’s revealed he just wants to kill her.

Bottom line, Roman Sionis was definitely a dangerous individual and Ewan McGregor played that brilliantly, but there was also a campy and somewhat sadistically comedic edge to him which gave way to a rather brilliant DC villain.

However, the very fact that his tenure in the DCEU is short-lived given that he was literally blown up at the end of the movie, it is sad that we will never see him going forward.

Also on the subject of his actual mask, I know it’s supposed to be welded to his face or something, I’m kind of glad it wasn’t but do wish we had seen it more throughout the movie. Also I feel it would have popped more with the white suit rather than the black, just saying.

Huntress:

While Mary Elizabeth Winstead was a great choice for Huntress here, I do feel that the movie missed a trick and a way to bring other strong female characters into the movie.

Alright so the movie honours Helena’s origins of being the daughter of a crime boss whose entire family is murdered and so she trains to become an assassin and comes to Gotham seeking vengeance.

However, how great would it have been if, rather than Sicily, if she was trained by either the League of Assassins or even Lady Shiva herself.

I know that this is more of a Cassandra Cain origin, which they still didn’t do, but it would have been a great way to tie-in these characters and also show a bond between Helena and Cassandra being raised by the same woman maybe.

Then also, if Black Canary and Huntress do get their own spin-off, Lady Shiva could come in as an antagonist and it would see Huntress going up against her old mentor.

I do think that Winstead did a good job with what she had, I am hoping that Huntress is meant to be socially awkward because that’s definitely the vibes I got from her.

I appreciated her tracksuit attire because Gotham is meant to be in New Jersey and it’s a very gangster Jersey attire.

I hated her last outfit though right at the end, loved the mask but that actual outfit was hideous.

I do see a future for Huntress going forward which is great, I’m not as disappointed with the character as I thought I would be.

Victor Zsasz:

This was an interesting conundrum of a character for me because, like the other two left on this list, if you don’t read the comics or watch the TV shows with these characters in, you’re not going to know who Victor Zsasz from this movie.

I will say, having seen the actor’s transformation from how he normally looks to his Zsasz look, it is a very impressive change and does fit in with the Suicide Squad level changes made to the characters.

Unfortunately though this is where the impressiveness stops. Yes, Zsasz is an assassin and I did like how they confirmed that he works for various employers, despite the fact it seems that the crime boss who had the Bertinellis killed was in fact working for or with Sionis so was Zsasz just on loan?

But the misogyny of the character was so cringe-worthy and at times unnecessary that it actually makes me side with the fans who put misogyny as this movie’s biggest problem, despite knowing logically that is not strictly true but I do accept it is one of the big problems.

For instance, it is implied that Zsasz only cuts himself to tally the number of women he’s “set free” as opposed to everyone he kills...that is not how Victor Zsasz is supposed to operate. He gives himself a point for every person he kills, that’s what makes him such a terrifying and grotesque adversary.

Okay so I know Anthony Carrigan on Gotham also didn’t go deep into that side of the character, but they didn’t have that Zsasz single out women either.

Also, when he paralysed Harley with that dart and then was effectively playing with her while she was unresponsive...I get she was still aware but even so where I thought that scene was going to go was both unnecessary and only added to why fans were laughing when Harley started repeatedly stabbing Zsasz with that same dart despite him already being dead.

I did like the subtle LGBT representation they tried to showcase with him and Sionis, because even if Sionis wasn’t reciprocating, this was a case of one guy crushing hard on another and feeling he knew what was best and wanting to protect him. That I liked and they played that rather well in my opinion.

But overall, I just didn’t feel that threatened by a supervillain who is essentially the living embodiment of torture porn. I know he cut off people’s faces and had visible scars, but there wasn’t a lot of anything else to make me believe this was the same Victor Zsasz that can easily inspire nightmares just by looking at him.

Cassandra Cain:

I’m just going to put this out there, I don’t know that much about Cassandra Cain. From what I have been told, she was someone who became Batgirl, I know in Young Justice she is in it as Orphan despite I don’t think ever speaking or having her real name revealed, and I know her mother is Lady Shiva.

Which brings me back to a potential storyline going forward for a Black Canary/Huntress TV series to feature Lady Shiva which could also include the return of Cassandra Cain...because I don’t think we need to see her again in the movies.

It is very harsh to judge a child actress, but much like Zsasz honestly if you are unfamiliar with Cassandra Cain as I am you would not really have much takeaway from the character based on this movie.

I also recall there being reports that Margot Robbie stole Cassandra Cain from the upcoming Suicide Squad as a plot point...but now I want to know what the original plan was for Cassandra Cain in The Suicide Squad and if James Gunn would have handled her better.

There just wasn’t a lot of depth to her character. She had a broken arm, potentially from her foster parents, but other than that she was just so angry all the time. She tried being sassy particularly with Harley but it fell flat.

Then in the climactic battle, she is the girl everyone is after to either kill or protect, but in that fun-house scene, as cool as the action was, Cassandra was essentially a hot potato going from character to character and it reminded me a lot of The Jungle Book when Baloo and Bagheera were trying to keep Mowgli away from King Louis and the monkeys.

I don’t really see the point of Harley having an apprentice either, I like the idea that she’s a free agent with no ties. Now that the Birds of Prey are formed she can float between helping them out and doing her own thing or going on another Suicide mission but the point is she rides solo...how are we going to explain where Cassandra is in The Suicide Squad?

Renee Montoya:

I continuously keep calling Rosie Perez’s character Maggie Sawyer because, in my opinion, this is who she is most like, not Renee Montoya.

Renee is young, determined and the woman who can stand alongside Jim Gordon and Harvey Bullock. She comes from the same origin as Harley Quinn which is Batman: The Animated Series. Yet so far the only incarnation to get her right outside of that has been Batman: Bad Blood where she had a minor appearance as Batwoman’s love interest...which is actually supposed to be Maggie Sawyer.

I said how Cassandra was played as angry, Renee was simply one of these rather aggressive soccer mom characters, especially in that final battle.

She had her funny moments and I do understand where the movie was coming from in trying to show how she was hard done by because of her male colleagues always stealing her glory, but this is a character who again led GCPD missions when Gordon and Bullock were detained in the past, yet I am not getting that essence from this character.

Also Renee, like Maggie Sawyer, is an LGBT character, but while her ex-girlfriend was shown here, if it wasn’t for Harley narrating that fact you would not know they had that history.

I don’t understand why she also became a founding member of the Birds of Prey, I get that in the comics she has been a liaison between them and the GCPD, but to actually quit her job and fight alongside Black Canary and Huntress? There is a third member needed in that line-up but Renee Montoya is not it.

DCEU Connections:

I will keep calling this universe the DC Extended Universe because until DC itself makes up its mind I am going to stick to what I know.

So in the wider scope of the DCEU, this movie definitely is a follow-up to Suicide Squad, not only because of Margot Robbie’s Harley and the flashbacks we saw of her diving into the acid vat from Ace Chemicals, but also the cheeky Easter-Egg of Captain Boomerang’s wanted poster at the GCPD.

I don’t understand why Captain Boomerang is wanted by the GCPD particularly when he is supposed to be a Flash rogue but I just loved seeing Jai Courtney getting some love.

Also, when the women are suiting up to fight Black Mask and his army, we see Black Canary equip herself with Harley’s Good Night bat from Suicide Squad but also Renee pick up Harley’s “Daddy’s Little Monster” shirt from said movie which Harley takes back as “sentimental value”. I love little connections like that.

In terms of where this movie could branch out to, again I do see a Black Canary/Huntress series in the future maybe including Cassandra Cain and Renee Montoya as guest characters, but movie-wise aside from Harley returning, I don’t see any of this lot coming back.

Also, despite Arrow severely screwing this over, the Black Canary/Green Arrow relationship I could see happen in a TV series but the way they have developed this version of the character I do not see Dinah needing an Emerald Archer in her life.

Overall I rate the movie a solid 7/10, I know I rated Suicide Squad the same and have said this was a better movie, but with everything that DC is pushing recently like Wonder Woman and Aquaman I expected something at that level rather than Shazam! level. Maybe if we got a Gotham City Sirens movie the mark would be higher.

So that’s my review of Birds of Prey and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn, what did you guys think? Post your comments and check out more DC Movie Reviews as well as other reviews and posts.

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colitisandme · 5 years

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Yesterday was a bad day. With IBD, some days are bad days, some really bad days and yesterday was the equivalent of your shoes getting stolen whilst having a nap on a train having to leave the station to find it’s raining, stepping on poo, then have a driver throw a rancid burrito at you out of a car window whilst pigeons watch nearby. Now you are being chased by pigeons who think you resemble a wet, walking, snack. So you run bare foot and screaming through a group of people, Knocking them over like bowling pins. You run and run, still screaming, trying in vain to get back to your house, only to find you’ve dropped your keys somewhere between stepping in poo, losing your shoes and getting attacked by wild hungry birds. And so wet, bitten and smelly, you sit on your doorstep, looking like you’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards, until a nice neighbour invites you in to their house. Once inside, he makes you stand on kitchen roll in his hallway, and shoes the rest of the family away from you into the lounge, until the locksmith comes out and lets your shivery, embarrassed, bedraggled self into your own house, eyeing you up with a mixture of suspicion and horror as you squelch up the stairs. Yep yesterday was like that.

It started out okay. I hadn’t slept for the 3rd night in a row and so was starting to resemble something from ‘the night of the living dead.’ I fed our bunnies, who looked slightly alarmed when this swamp like creature appeared at their hutch door, and to show their disgust at my bedraggled, bloodshot eyed appearance, scuttled off into their bedroom area and did not re-appear until I filled up their food bowls. In the process of doing this and leaning down to give them some affection, I proceeded to fall over and nearly break my leg on one of their toys, which in turn, caused me to yell out loudly, scrabbling to keep myself upright. After I tried to gain my balance, they proceeded to thump at me in chorus for disturbing their peaceful breakfast time, ignore my cries of pain and rebuff my attempts to pacify them with pieces of dried fruit. I then hobbled back inside, groaning and cursing my need to make sure our bunnies were stimulated by making our shed into the equivalent of the ‘Toys R’Us bunny sanctuary’ proclaiming war and future destruction of all cardboard tunnels, fed our doggy guest then tried to start my day.

My body was being a D**k! A true arsehole. Firstly it spent the first hour convincing me I needed to go to the loo, (hadn’t been for 3 days) and so I spent that hour running backwards and forwards to my bathroom like I was on a travelator, sweating, swearing, grunting, in pain and nauseous before finally forcing myself to go. My poor bum was in tatters and my hands became red and sore because I had clenched my fists so hard, there were nail marks imbedded into my palm. The dog didn’t understand my pain, as I limped over to the freezer and put ice on my paws and just wanted strokes and belly rubs so I nursed my paws and stroked the dog, thankful she too didn’t love cardboard tunnels. As well as now dealing with leg injury and ice paws, I had been, for the past few days living with a bite on my arm, due to some demon insect deciding it would fuck up my week by taking a chunk out of my arm. This might not sound like much, but my immune system is shot and I am also really helpfully, allergic to the one bug that chewed on me, so it’s a big deal.

It picked on me when I was trying to be a good fur baby mum, and clean out my bunnies shed. He flew up out of the hay and sank his little insecty fangs into my poor unsuspecting flesh. Although bumpy and itchy, I put some cream on it, wrapped ice around my arm and hoped for the best. Well my arm ballooned. My whole left forearm resembled a cross between Popeye and the Michelin man. After rubbing my arm, then cursing myself for scratching myself into a stupor and declaring war on all things insecty and bitey, ( I never harm any animal including spiders, snails, bees wasps etc but I draw the line at fly’s and horseflys because they find me perfectly delicious) I instructed my husband to get me some hydrocortisone cream and I found some Anti itch cream nestled in my bag to slather all over it. But it was too late. I once watched a documentary which stated, that a bear will travel hundreds of miles to visit his favourite ‘scratching tree’ and I now understand the extroadinary travel time and distance he would go to, just to happily scratch himself for a few hours. I was so bloody itchy I was rubbing myself on anything to relieve that itch. Anything. And if anyone would have seen me, I would have looked demented with my tongue on one side, trying to rub my arm up and down the wooden beams in my house with a look on my face that resembled madness and sheer euphoria. Of course this was a mistake, and soon all the antihistamine coursed through my body and hundreds of hives had popped up, so I knew I just had to grit my teeth and wait it out. 3 days later, hair on end, sleepless, eyes wide, hungry and my bum in tatters I had lost a lot of my reserves.

You would think that my body, at this point, would take pity on me. Give me a cuddle, send me up to bed with a warm drink of peppermint and liquorice tea (god I miss hot chocolate) and shush me to sleep with the southing sounds of whale music, but no. It was mean and refused to comfort me or lull me to sleep using soft tones or the sounds of the sea. It really wanted to scream obscenities at me and serenade me with symphonies that sounded like the music was being played by an irate toddler who would use a combination of drums, violin and cymbals to piss me and my ears off. And so right at the moment I sat itchy, cold pawed, bruised and tattered, sore, hair on end, achey, with my eyes on stalks... I got my period. (Sorry to all the guys reading this)

The pain smacked into me like a freight train. An absolute punch to the gut and then reversed and slammed into my back to make doubly sure it really hurt me in my tender spots. Already in quite a lot of pain, It absolutely took my breath away. IBD makes me feel like my whole body is full of stones. I personally feel like I am never empty, and stones take up a lot of bloody room in an already swollen, angry, raw space that doesn’t appreciate more visitors. Yesterday the IBD was rampant. Now this. “NO COCKING WAY, “THERES NO MORE ROOM” I yelled out. “I AM FULL” My body didn’t listen and ignored my screams and my protestations, and continued to fill the already cramped, raw, ragged and heavy space with what felt like shards of glass. So with itchy skin, clusters of hives all down my arm, sore hands, sore bum, sore stomach, bags under my eyes and now dealing with agonising pain searing throughout the lower half of my body, I lost it. I cried. I didn’t want to cry, because the sobs made my body hurt. But right at that moment I lost it. I hated my body. I didn’t understand why it was hurting me so much. I staggered to the kitchen, made myself a water bottle, got some water, and lay down. I knew I couldn’t get through this with meditation, I knew I couldn’t solve this with mindfulness and I couldn’t take painkillers. I just had to ride it out. It got to afternoon and I was in so much agony I couldn’t have a wash, cook or get myself upstairs and so I ate a banana to keep me going until the pain subsided.

It didn’t subside. It didn’t let up at all. Not for one millisecond. Every time I moved it felt like my whole body was being squeezed by a boa-constrictor, every time I breathed, I would cramp. Every time I took a small bite of banana or a sip of water, my whole body reacted with venomous anger. There was nothing I could do. Nothing except to wait, and stroke the Dog’s ears who laid next to me and looked at me with concerned and loving eyes.

My wonderful, caring husband came home and saw my sad blotchy face. He listened to me as I cursed IBD, my body, being a woman, nasty insects and the perils of bunny toys, wiped my tears, gave me a huge cuddle and helped me to have a shower. It hurt. Getting out of the shower hurt. Getting dried made me yell out in pain, putting fresh PJs on caused me pain. He then tucked me up, got me 3 water bottles, and put on Masterchef Australia whilst he sorted out dinner, bunnies and general household ness. (My Husband is awesome.)

The pain went on and on, like Dante’s seventh circle of hell. It was during this time I (mistakenly) put a post up on FB about what a shit day I was having. So because I have been out of work, I have spoke to a couple of at home type businesses for possible income ideas, and I couldn’t believe it but during my extreme pain episode, one messaged me privately, and started up a conversation trying to sell me their product. Now, I am hugely respectful of anyone trying to make a living online, from home or in any capacity, and had already had a few conversations with this particular lady explaining that I couldn’t afford her ‘start up package’ nor her products, and so when she messaged me again I was surprised.

Through the haze of my groin splitting pain, I again explained I couldn’t afford her high costs, and I thought that would stop the conversation but no, she pushed it. She was trying to use the fact I was in pain, discomfort and misery at that moment to get a ruddy sale. I was appalled. What the hell did she expect me to do or say? “Sure, I would love to gab away with you like gal pals while I cross my eyes, grind my teeth and chew my fist in pain due to an angry gremlin gnawing away on my intestines and womb! I would definitely love to hear about all the exact uses of wuffle dust, and how it will cure all my aches and pains as I try not to swear, vomit or hurl myself into the bathroom. No sodding problem. Let me just get my cocking credit card”... I couldn’t believe she used that moment to try and make me a customer. I got really angry. I couldn’t believe she would do that, in that way, at that time. I honestly truly was stunned that someone would try and take advantage of me like that and so, once I could focus through the pain, I told her so. I explained politely that what she did was wrong, how shitty it made me feel, and although I had huge respect for her and her product, I no longer wanted to have any contact with her. I then proceeded to erase her from my social media. I do not want to associate with anyone who would use someone’s vulnerability to get a sale. It’s disgusting.

It was way past midnight when most of the world was quiet and I had uttered every swear word I could think of, that my body finally relented to sleep. And as I staggered, exhausted upstairs, feeling used by my body, manipulated by people and generally hacked off at the world, I reached out to a few others who were also having a shit day. As we all experienced our own pain, we lifted each other up, laughed, chatted through tears and cursed our irrate and unco-operative bodies. Just before finally drifting off to sleep we all wholeheartedly agreed that sometimes, on days like this, there really aren’t enough swear words in the world to make the minute, the hour, the moment or day better, but yelling out or whispering through gritted teeth, the most creative and bizarre ones we could think of to ourselves, definitely helps.

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pinktacofury · 6 years

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She was serious?

Heya guys and gals, getting five of each imagine up on my Master list one Fandom at a time, figure it’s just better that way haha. Here is another SOA imagine, Lurv PTF.

Warnings- The usual guys, language, gun violence, blood, gore, triggers??? DEFINITELY DOES NOT FOLLOW THE SHOW... I love the show but its soooo damn sad.

Summary- Natalie Lowman, daughter to Happy Lowman returns from her studies abroad, she was conceived when he was seventeen and after a Few rough patches over her childhood he helped raise her and paid mostly for her college.

A/n- I only own Natalie, I do not own any of the people, places, things, gifs or images in this imagine. ( I may have gotten a little carried away with this one...)

Italics - Flashbacks

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“I can’t do this! They are going to be the death of you!” Natalie heard her mother shout from down stairs, her voice wavered as if she were on the verge of tears, at only four years old she had heard her parents argue more often than not.

“You don’t have to! I do! You never have to do anything and it’s all because I am what I am! You’ve never needed a job!” Her father shouted back his voice colder than she had ever heard it from him before, Natalie was scared as her mother stomped up the stairs and began throwing drawers loudly open.

“Daddy?” Natalie asked as she toddled down the stairs to find her father sitting in his big leather chair with his head in his hands, when he looked up at her he gave her a warm smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Hey baby, you and Mommy are going away for a while. Okay?” he asked as he pulled her up onto his lap where she wrapped her arms around his broad chest.

“I don’ wanna Daddy, I wanna stay.” She murmured as she nuzzled her nose into his chest getting comfortable.

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“What the hell is this!? I told you I didn’t want her anywhere near your gang of psychos! how dare you! I will make sure you never get to see her again!” Natalie’s mother shouted wildly throwing her arms in the air, Natalie was eleven now and she wanted to be around the guys as much as they wanted to be around her, she loved them all so much.

“They are her family Andrea! More family than you could ever know!” Her father shouted as he struggled to control his temper, Natalie walked over and gave his hand a little squeeze as she hoisted her little Koala backpack over her shoulder and let her shoulders slump as she sat in the passenger seat of her mothers old buick to be carted back to South Dakota.

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“Congratulations baby girl! I am so proud of you!” Natalie turned to embrace the man behind her with a wide smile as she talked to one of her friends, graduation had been a blast and having her father and the Charter there to support her when her mother wouldn’t made Natalie’s heart soar.

“I am so happy to see you daddy!” She squealed throwing her arms around the man’s neck before she was enveloped in a massive group hug, having graduated a couple of years early was a major accomplishment for her and her mother could have given a shit less, she cared more about the drugs than her own daughter.

“Got any Colleges picked out baby? I’ve got enough saved up to send you just about anywhere in the world.” He stated making her squeal once more covering her face with her hands as she jumped up and down excitedly, she had always wanted to be a surgeon.

“Well there are a couple....” She grinned holding up a stack of college acceptance letters with a little wink as he laughed and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

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Natalie had landed in California that morning and headed straight for her fathers MC Charter, she hadn’t heard from him in five years... since her graduation and acceptance into College, she had wrapped herself in her career choice and gone through five years of school, having graduated she had come back to the states in search of a residency close to her father, only he wasn’t there and she was informed by the guys and him and another man from the charter were patching over in charming. Off she went in search of Charming... wondering of course if it really was a charming place. Teller Morrow is where she was told to go, pulling her bike into the mechanics lot she pulled the helmet from her head and took a good look around, this was definitely a MC, men wandered around shirtless or in just their Kuttes, while others wandered around in light t shirts with their kuttes... She spotted her father across the lot and jumped from her bike leaving it sit in the middle of the cement while she darted across the space, her heels clicking loudly attracting attention as she launched herself at the man wrapping her arms around him tightly and giving him a noisy kiss on the cheek.

“Daddy! I have missed you!” She called as he hugged her back chuckling as confused murmurs sounded around the auto shop.

“Aw I missed you too baby girl, what are you doing back? I though you were in school.” Happy laughed as he pulled her away at arms length to get a better look at his little girl all grown up, she was the perfect mesh of him and her mother making, in his oppinion, one stunning woman.

“Nah graduated this month, looking for a residency near by... Pretty tired of being away from my family.” She mused taking note that he refused to remove his arm from her shoulders leaning down and kissing the top of her head as he walked with her to the group of gathered Bikers only to have her run off ahead of him and jump on another man giggling as he shook his head giving her a huge bear hug.

“Rane Man! Look at you, you big bear! You haven’t changed a bit!” She giggled as he set her down on her feet having to tilt his head to even see her face, she was so short she barely came up to his pecs.

“You haven’t changed much at all little Pest, still short and too smart for your own good.” He laughed from deep inside his chest surprising everyone in the room as his usual death glare softened at the sight of the grinning little woman who beamed at the others who stared in disbelief.

“Hi I’m techinically Doctor Natalie Wesley Lowman! You can call me Nat if you want.” She laughed as she offered a tiny manicured hand to each of the men in turn as they introduced themselves. Jax, Bobby, Chibs, Tig.... at least thats what she thought they said.

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Jax couldn’t help but watch the little woman laughing and talking with his mother, after she had arrived Natalie had swept through the club taking every heart in the room and making them all love her within less than a couple of weeks, even if she hadn’t been the daughter of one of their members she would have been accepted as family in an instant, Jax was sure of it. She helped his mom set the table for the whole Club, giving her signature grin as his mother said something Jax couldn’t make out before she shook her head, her long blonde hair falling over her shoulder and exposing a small bit of tattoo across the woman’s bare shoulders, it looked like it belonged to a larger tattoo, possibly the top of some buildings, working up the nerve Jax swaggered over to the table and tapped her shoulder.

“Hey, what’s that tattoo you got?” He asked the whole table turned in their direction at the mention of a tattoo, She gave him a small grin as she turned her back to them pulling her shirt up over her head to cover her breasts as she exposed the whole tattoo to them, Jax moved over pulling the waistband of her leggings down a little so he could see more of it.

“Well I’ll be damned... you actually did it.” Happy chuckled a little as he shook his head running his hand over his face. “I was only half Serious when I sent you that sketch kiddo.” he laughed as the others walked over to get a better look, Jax blinked a little as he knelt down taking in the detail of the the massive back piece.

“I know you were, I just liked it so much I had to get it done, after all why let such a wonderful thing waste away on paper?” She mused as she pulled her shirt back over her head, unfortunately all the guys were so wrapped up in her tattoo they missed the brief flash of her breasts as Natalie lifted her arms.

“Alright boys enough gawking, dinner is done.” Gemma laughed as Jax pulled out Natalie’s chair setting her next to him, dinner was quiet up until the front door burst open, a bloody Tig stumbling in holding his insides in with his arm as he toppled to the floor groaning. Chairs were thrown back onto the floor as the members sprung up and moved to get the man onto the coffee table in the living room.

Jax panicked a little up until Natalie shoved through them shouting orders to the confused and frankly scared men, a large needle, black thread, a bottle of everclear, any kind of belt or thick folded cloth, a sharp knife, tweezers and two pairs of auto lock pliers, a deep pan, a lighter and a shot glass.The men scattered in all directions as Gemma took up the role of nurse to the very calm Natalie who set to work immediately, she poured the everclear over all of the objects in the pan, she had Bobby pour several shots of everclear for Tig who passed out signalling to Natalie she could get to work, she pressed her hands into Tig’s stomach searching for the source of the gushing blood, once she had found it she instructed Jax to place his hands directly where hers were and press the artery closed with his thumb and forefinger, it was like sticking his hand in spaghetti sauce... only it was gross, once his hand was there she clicked the pliers into place charging Jax to hold them there just as she had set them, his arms up to his elbows were coated in blood as she worked to get the artery back together with the hot metal tip of the lighter fusing the thin membrane together with heat.... how had Tig even made it to the house? Natalie instructed Jax to loosen the pliers slowly, when the blood flow remained in the artery she instructed Jax to step back away from her as she rearranged Tig’s intestines before expertly threading the needle and working to piece together the mans shredded stomach, when she was finished she stood motioning for the guys to GENTLY pick up the man in question and take him to a bed in the house, she didn’t care whose it was.

“You’re shaking.” She stated as she pressed her hands against his own, both covered in blood and dripping onto the coffee table... the carpet was going to have to be replaced in the living room.

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Natalie had been by Tig’s side for two straight days, fussing with the stitches, checking for rigidness in the abdomen, growling at the man when he refused to remain lying down, forcing him to take the vitamins she had picked up for him to take to replenish the blood he had lost, occasionally she would allow him to lay his head in her lap as she ran her fingers through his hair talking about anything and everything to keep him amused while he was stuck in bed. Gemma huffed when Natalie declined eating in favor of giving her portion to Tig who wolfed down the food like he hadn’t eaten in months, Jax stayed with her sometimes when he wasn’t off on club business to make sure Tig wasn’t being a pain, the man gave a snort of laughter when he walked in on Tig laying in her lap as she made up stories to keep the man content.

“ The trail was steep, jagged rocks attested to the lack of use, after all the village only sent someone up once a month... the mule struggled to find adequate footing as it moved slowly up the side of the mountain weighed down heavily by several too full roughly woven sacks of food and bottles of mulled wine, the man walking beside the mule panted with exhaustion as the sun beat down on his exposed back and shoulders, it was getting late but the heat didn't seem to want to let up even as the skies began to darken.... Oh hello Jax.” Natalie giggled as she looked up from Tig’s face to see who had snorted at her.

“Gettin’ good now... sit down n’ shut it.” Tig mumbled as she ran her fingers through his hair stopping him from moving too much to look at Jax who settled down at his side motioning for Natalie to continue.

“Atop the mountain stood a lone temple, it’s worn stone block walls covered in a thick layer of dust and moss, untouched by time as it sat high above the world. Within the temple was rumored to be a group of immortal monks that ruled the weather, in exchange for favorable weather for their crops the villagers sent up enough food to keep the monks happy, rolled wheat flour, loaves of fresh bread, salted meats, sweet wines, fresh milk, cream, jugs of water, vegetables from every field, potatoes, carrots, cucumbers, squash, pumpkin... The man wanted nothing more than to get there and back home as soon as possible, he urged the mule to go faster as he too sped up his pace falling occasionally only to cut up his hands something fierce on the rocks along the path. Finally after many hours of walking the man came across the old worn mahogany chest the villagers placed the offering in only to find himself craving a good meal, unable to wait until he got home to his wife and children he sat with his back against the strong wood of the chest and dug in one of the bags coming out with a loaf of bread and a jug of wine for himself while the mule gave him a seemingly indignant look shaking its head.....” Natalie was cut off as Tig gasped softly in her lap, her eyes flitted to his stomach a little worried for a moment before she realized it wasn’t a gasp of pain.

“He’s going to get the whole village into trouble!” The man gasped looking up at her, horror written all over his face. As he settled down she smiled softly continuing on with the story.

“The man indulged himself in some of the vegetables, the milk and even some of the salted meats which only made him even more thirsty. By the time the man was satisfied there wasn’t a single bit of offering left untouched, having had too much wine the man drifted off to sleep right there on the chest, his mule tied to a tree and his belly full of food that wasn’t his. When the man awoke.... he found a very tall, very imposing man standing over him, his face hidden by a hooded robe of thick dark material.....” She smiled down at Tig who gave a groan.

“Now he’s gone an’ done it!” Tig whined as he shivered a little likely imagining the monk in his mind, Jax smiled as he placed his chin in his palms listening as much as Tig if not more.

“The man jumped to his feet sheepishly rubbing his hand around the back of his neck as he stuttered out apology after apology in an attempt to pacify the monk with his words, the tall monk stood there silent as he listened ever so patiently until the man went quiet. With an exaggerated slowness the monk lifted a pair of gnarled, ancient looking hands to the skies, within moments ominous clouds filled the sky, lightning flashed across the bottoms of the black storm striking down around the man startling him into motion, he grabbed the reins of his mule running for the path that lead home, the winds howled around him, thunder rumbled through the early morning air vibrating the stones beneath him as he fled. Once at the base of the mountain he stopped dead in his tracks, fire spread through the crops, houses burned, families stood at the edge of the village sobbing over the loss of their homes.... the man dropped to his knees sobbing as his family shot him dark looks, he had failed them and now they would suffer.” Natalie looked down to see a horror stricken Tig looking up at her expectantly hoping the story wouldn’t end there, she gave a little giggle as she gently patted his shoulder so he would lift up slightly and let her slide out from under him.

“It’s time to nap, that is more than enough excitement for today.” She made her way to the door taking Jax’s hand in her own as Tig lay back in the pillows and made a show of slowly rolling onto his side and closing his eyes, Natalie noted that as soon as his eyes closed, his breathing slowed, becoming even and deep signalling his sleep.

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“Come on Natalie, we might need you there tonight... Come to the fights, patch us up, watch me wipe the floor with some assholes.” Jax murmured as he walked with her to his bike intending to give her a ride to the pharmacy to pick up some supplies for tig.

“Fine. But only because I expect you to win.” She mused as she climbed onto the back of his bike wrapping her arms around his waist holding onto him loosely.

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“Yeah!” Jax roared as he rounded the corner flexing as he pulled Natalie to his chest holding her close to him.

“Well aren’t you an impressive ball of tes...” She trailed off as his lips met hers in a frantic yet some how passionate kiss. “tosterone.” She finished as he looked down at her with a hungry glint in his eye.

“Let’s show you how impressive I can be.” He murmured and she shook her head giving him a smile as she wrapped her arms around his waist earning a bit of a glare from the ginger woman standing behind him.

#Jax X OC #SOA #Fight #Jax Teller #Happy X OC #Happy's Daughter #Doctor #What if #Sons of Anarchy #Happy Lowman #SOA X OC #SOA X reader #Jax x reader

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consulting-celiac-in-the-tardis · 7 years

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9 Ways You Can See My Invisible Illness, Celiac Disease

New blog post! As I've shared before, one of the hardest parts of living with an invisible illness is that you look "normal" - but your body isn't. Last month, I wrote about how people can "see" my invisible illness of fibromyalgia. However, I also have celiac disease...and, people may not realize that there are way more visible "signs" of celiac disease than a gluten free diet.

So, today, I'm sharing the visible quirks and eccentricities that reflect my chronic illness of celiac disease - from my dates' improved dental hygiene to my gluten free swag!

1. My obsession with food labels.

I'm that girl: the girl who takes seven minutes to choose a new brand of cereal to add to her grocery cart. Sure, my dedication to finding the perfect gluten free product to try is partly because I'm a foodie. However, when you have celiac disease, you also need to pay way more attention to food labels than the average American.

Why? Well, obviously we need to make sure a product is gluten free. However, people with celiac disease also need a cross-contamination-free diet. This means sometimes we need to get out our magnifying glass (joke) or even our phones to do a quick Google search (not a joke) to make sure a "gluten free" product really is just that. (Cough cough, the gluten free Cheerios controversy...)

2. My "clean before you kiss" rule.

It's awkward. It's embarrassing. But it's also a fact: I can get glutened from being kissed by someone who recently ate gluten. When I was with my first boyfriend, I sometimes let my strict "no kissing before brushing" rule slip...but when I started feeling like a zombie, I knew that cross contamination was killing the mood (and me).

Picking a gluten free dinner solves that problem too!

Now, I try to joke, "Fun fact: I can get glutened by a kiss, so all my dates need to brush their teeth first!" early on into a first date. I used to be self-conscious and worried that guys would think my request was too "high maintenance" to deal with. Two relationships later, though, and I know that people who really care don't mind clicking "pause" on romance to brush their teeth. As I always tell my dates: "Your dentist will thank me!"

And, let's be honest. Only being able to kiss with minty fresh breath isn't a bad deal!

3. The restaurant dinners where I just watch my friends eat.

A few weeks ago, one of the other girls in my MFA program had a birthday, and she invited everyone out to dinner at a local bar at the last minute. Honestly, I didn't really feel like going to a restaurant with zero gluten free options and watching people eat. However, I drove myself across town anyway, knowing that a social break from lesson planning would do me good. And you know what? I had a blast.

Like this post? Then tweet me some love by clicking here: "This #glutenfree gal shares 9 ways you can see my #invisibleillness #celiacdisease - besides my #glutenfreediet! http://bit.ly/2zuUawT"

I talked and joked and goofed around with some new friends as they devoured freshly baked bread dipped in balsamic and olive oil, pasta alfredo and burgers. Most likely, the other customers - if not the waitstaff - wondered why I didn't order any food of my own. But, as one hour and then two hours passed, I didn't mind being the odd one out.

Friends > food

So, the next time you see someone just watching others eat, maybe there's more to the story than a picky or disordered eater. Maybe they're a celiac or food allergy warrior feeding on socialization instead of food.

4. My insecurity with showing my stomach.

I’ve never been a fan of crop tops, but my self consciousness about my stomach has definitely increased since my celiac diagnosis. Suddenly, I had random bouts of bloating, constipation and other not-so-attractive tummy troubles. In the four years since celiac entered my life, I’ve definitely improved my gut health and overall body image. When boyfriends have asked why I rarely show my stomach, though, celiac is usually my first answer.

5. All the snacks in my bag!

Beyoncé may have hot sauce in her bag, but this celiac always has way more snacks than that. One of the biggest challenges of living with celiac disease is not being able to grab a bite no matter where you are - especially if you're living in a small town with limited gluten free options like mine.

One of my favorites!

So, whether I'm leaving the house for an adventurous day trip or an hour of errands, I typically have at least one bar (usually one of my favorite Health Warrior bars) in my purse. Let's just say that if you're ever in dire need of a snack, having a celiac best friend can come in handy

6. The questions I ask every chef or friend bringing me a meal.

What people often don’t understand is that celiac disease is much more complicated than just eating gluten free. As I’ve shared before, if you cut up one piece of bread into 7,300 pieces, just one of those tiny pieces can sicken and cause dangerous intestinal damage in celiacs like me. So, as much as I appreciate it when friends bring me a gluten free treat, I can’t enjoy it without asking about how they cooked it or what exact ingredients were used.

When I’m eating out, I need to ask the chef the same questions - even if the restaurant has a "gluten free" menu. Some restaurants are awesome in that their gluten free options really are gluten and cross contamination free. But I've been told that “gluten free” fries were made in the same fryer as breaded chicken or that the “gluten free” pasta was cooked in the same water as regular pasta too often to assume that gluten free means celiac safe.

To the customers or waiters who don't know me and my medical history, I may seem high-maintenance or picky. Really, though, I'm just doing whatever I need to do to eat safely with celiac disease.

7. My freezer, filled to the brim.

We all have those days where we just need some quick, easy comfort food. When you have celiac disease, food allergies or other dietary limitations, though, you can’t just pull into any restaurant or grab a random freezer dinner from your local grocery store.

Like this post? Then tweet me some love by clicking here: "This #glutenfree gal shares 9 ways you can see my #invisibleillness #celiacdisease - besides my #glutenfreediet! http://bit.ly/2zuUawT"

So, when I do have time to cook or blend up some delish smoothies, I make enough for a family of four and store leftovers in my freezer for emergencies. Add in some of my favorite gluten free breads, tortillas, pre-cooked grains like rice and quinoa and frozen fruits and veggies, and the freezer is my secret weapon to eating gluten free and healthy during super busy days!

8. The days I feel and look like a zombie.

Even four years after my celiac disease diagnosis, I still make mistakes. For instance, last year, I realized that a probiotic I had been using had changed its formula and now contains traces of wheat. (Luckily, there are plenty of gluten free probiotic options, this this one).

And even when people do everything right, celiac complications can sneak up on them. What do I mean? Well, I can tolerate small amounts of gluten free oats, but if I eat an entire (gluten free) oat-based protein bar or a few handfuls of gluten free oat-based granola, my body goes into zombie mode (complete with brain fog and 24/7 fatigue). Meanwhile, sometimes my stomach will decide to freak out for no reason at all. What does all of this mean? If the celiac in your life looks a little worse for wear, sure, they could have a cold...but it might be their invisible illness acting up, too.

9. My gluten free swag.

As challenging as living with an invisible illness like celiac disease can be, invisible illnesses can have a few benefits. Which is (arguably) the biggest? You can choose when (or if!) you reveal your chronic disease to the world.

Personally, I wear my celiac diaease diagnosis on my sleeve...sometimes literally. I have several shirts related to celiac disease or gluten free food. My backpack is decked out with gluten free buttons. Even my computer rocks stickers about my favorite gluten free brands.

Why do I do this? First of all, it can make the “celiac conversation” with new people a little less awkward. Instead of my gluten free diet sounding like a secret being suddenly revealed, people usually nod and say something like, “I guessed as much by your backpack.” or “I read that in the blog post linked to your Facebook page.”

Even more importantly, I rock gluten free swag to show that celiac disease is a part of who I am...and that’s it. It’s not my total identity. It’s not the end of the world or a culinary death sentence. And it’s not going to stop me from chasing my dreams and enjoying a lot of the “normal” activities every other 20-something enjoys.

What Everyone Should Know About Celiac Disease

Much like fibromyalgia, celiac disease and its symptoms are often invisible to the naked eye. In fact, in light of the recent gluten free fad, you can't even consider a request for a gluten free menu or a gluten free option at a work function automatic indications of celiac disease or gluten intolerance.

However, there are several ways you can “see” your loved one or friend’s celiac disease diagnosis...and the more you can recognize the small and large ways that celiac disease impacts their lives, the more you can empathize with their struggles and offer support when they need it.

Like this post? Then tweet me some love by clicking here: "This #glutenfree gal shares 9 ways you can see my #invisibleillness #celiacdisease - besides my #glutenfreediet! http://bit.ly/2zuUawT"

Celiac disease may be an invisible illness - but it doesn’t have to be an invisible or overlooked issue in the general public. And every time you help spread celiac awareness or support someone with celiac disease, you are part of the movement to make celiac disease just as visible as it is life-changing.

No questions today - just tell me your thoughts in the comments below!

via Blogger http://ift.tt/2zR2Dv0

#Blogger #college #celiac #gluten free #coeliac #celiacs #paleo #primal #foodporn #foodart

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beckypatterson1 · 5 years

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8 Effective Period Constipation Solutions

Are you sometimes mystified by your bowels? Do you go through weeks’ of perfectly poops and then suddenly things clog? Do you ever have random diarrhea or constipation that comes out of nowhere but (thankfully) clears up after a day or two?

I’ve scienced the crap out of this (literally!) -- here’s what you need to know.

BACKSTORY:

Immediately after I released my original Bikini Blueprint + shared what I learned about digestion and the surprising number of plant foods that can cause pooping problems and bloating (and not the usual suspects like beans … I’m talking big surprise offenders like mushrooms and apples), a lot of people wrote me that they’d finally found GI relief.

I was so happy to hear I’d been able to help them and that my own embarrassing TMI story had a purpose. ;)

BUT THEN SHIITAKE HIT THE FAN, again.

Two women who had been a “success story” wrote me that the plan had stopped working.

One woman said, “I did this plan for three weeks straight and have never felt or looked better. This week I’m bloated, constipated, gassy, very uncomfortable, I can’t explain it. I swear to you I didn’t cheat or do anything differently – help!”

My initial thought in response was that her repetition of the protocol could be the problem.

The plan is only intended for 2 to 5 days.

I knew of research that said mono diets or very limited diets can contribute to digestive problems since they decrease diversity in your gut biome, but three weeks didn’t seem long enough to do that for her.

Still, I had no other explanation, so I suggested she take a break. Although eating differently didn’t make her feel any better, when she went back to the protocol two weeks later, it proved effective.

Things were looking up...

Until the following day when I received another email from someone else ...

“I’ve used this protocol 4x this year with excellent results. This time it’s not working. What am I doing wrong?”

We exchanged a few emails and I learned that historically, she always started the protocol before an event such as a wedding or reunion. She wanted to look her best and wasn’t having any digestive issues at the start. This time, however, she was doing the protocol to “reset” after vacation. (She got the idea from me, as I often use the Bikini Blueprint after I travel.)

Her system was totally out of whack, and I wondered if her being constipated BEFORE starting the protocol was part of why it wasn’t being as effective for her this time. That seemed plausible, but then I remembered the dozens of emails and comments I read from people who said the Bikini Blueprint CURED their constipation.

I was frustrated… I wanted to help her, I yearned to dig into science for a solution, but the problem was I didn’t know where to look….

UNTIL one of my private clients handed over her old food journals a few weeks later.

For years my client had suffered from undiagnosed digestive issues. She oscillated between diarrhea and constipation (with 1-2 weeks of normalcy between those symptoms) and had been unable to find a diet that consistently worked for her body.

Tracking her food and symptoms helped her find some clear offenders, but even when she kept to her “safe” foods list, there would still be weeks where she had “pooping problems.”

Although she wasn’t consulting with me for her digestive issues, she offered her old food journals to me so I could better familiarize myself with her patterns.

I noticed her diarrhea and constipation looked cyclical.

Creating a timeline of her symptoms confirmed this, and pretty soon I was able to predict her symptoms relatively accurately. For example, I would skip a few months ahead in the journals and see that the weeks I thought she’d be constipated she usually was.

“These digestive issues act in cycles,” I thought, and then it hit me.

I called my client and asked her to tell me the dates of her period.

Her menstruation cycle wasn’t a perfect match or a mirror to her digestive cycle, but it was close enough to pique my curiosity.

What I learned about female hormones and the reproductive cycle surprised (and shocked) me – mostly because of how obvious and overlooked it is when a woman has GI problems.

More importantly, when I took what I discovered to the two gals who had emailed me, we were able to verify that this was their problem, too. THIS explained why the protocol suddenly didn’t work as well as it had before and then worked beautifully again later.

Even better, my client with chronic digestion problems? Together we were able to apply this science and create preventative measures that ELIMINATED the majority of her symptoms and suffering! WOOHOO!

THE SCIENCE: PROGESTERONE AND PROSTAGLANDINS

Progesterone causes constipation and prostaglandins may cause diarrhea (if they go rogue) even when you eat “perfectly” or the same “safe” foods you always eat.

Here’s how it happens:

Once a stool is formed, it makes its way through your bowels via muscle contractions (this is called peristalsis).

After ovulation, progesterone rises to help prepare the body for pregnancy. If the egg is not fertilized, progesterone falls and the period begins a few days later.

What does this have to do with constipation? Progesterone is a natural muscle relaxant. In fact, it is given to pregnant women to counteract uterine contractions.

It is logical, then, that progesterone would also counteract contractions in other muscles, like those in your intestines needed for peristalsis.

Indeed, this is why constipation is common during pregnancy: Progesterone is rising.

Think of it like this: Progesterone acts like a cocktail for your intestines. They become (temporarily) a little more relaxed. Then when progesterone starts to fall shortly before your period, intestinal muscles start to lose their buzz. This is why you can sometimes (quite literally) feel your constipation beginning to lift.

As for diarrhea: You can thank (blame?) prostaglandins, which cause the uterus to contract in order to expel the uterine lining. (These hormone-like lipids are responsible for period cramps.)

If any prostaglandins go rogue (which they’re known to do) they can cause your bowel (which is oh-so-neighborly) to contract, causing diarrhea. Sometimes rogue prostaglandins make it all the way up to the brain, causing migraine headaches.

SOLUTIONS: It’s not sexy, but start tracking your pooping cycles with your menstrual cycles.

Knowledge really is power!

Understanding your diarrhea-constipation-PMS cycle is also necessary for “prevention” of these symptoms which, in my experience, is the only truly effective “remedy.”

There are treatments you can do (which I’ll share below), but not having the symptoms to contend with at all is more manageable, in my opinion.

PREVENTION:

Progesterone starts to ramp up approximately two weeks after the start of your last period (Day 14-ish.)

This means in the days prior to ovulation you should start eating easily digestible foods and avoid anything that is constipating for you. (Strategy #1)

Wheat-based products such as bread and pasta (as well as “gluten-free” versions) increase the likelihood of constipation in most people, along with animal products like meat, eggs, and cheese, if you eat those. Bananas, corn, grains (including brown rice), and soy can also be constipating. Foods that are dried or dehydrated, including dates, raisins, kale chips, apple chips, overly baked or dehydrated “raw” whatevers, and air-fried or air-puffed foods (like rice cakes and popcorn) can be constipating due to their lack of water. (FYI, Dried fruits and puffed foods are a major clog for my system.)

This is a good time to do the Bikini Blueprint protocol since it is free of all common allergens and free of all foods known to cause constipation or bloating.

Strategy #2 Include foods that tend to help you “go,” such as berries, rhubarb, kiwis, oat bran, sweet potatoes, and red lentils.

Strategy #3 Cook your food more than you usually do and avoid raw vegetables. The more cooked a food is, the easier it is to digest and “move out.” Likewise, choosing more puréed foods such as butternut soup with one caveat: Avoid anything that can cause you to swallow air (such as smoothies or foamed milks).

Strategy #4 Eat smaller portions more frequently. (FYI, during “this time” of the month I eat a little bit of food every two hours instead of my regular meals, as I find I can easily “clog the system” with my buzzed intestines.)

Strategy #5 STAY HYDRATED. I can’t encourage this enough. More water and a lot less alcohol and coffee; they are both diarrhetic and irritating to the GI system.

Strategy #6 Walk 5-15 minutes after you eat. Movement creates movement.

REMEDIES: If you’re constipated, take a magnesium supplement before bed. (You may need to give yourself a little more time in the morning.) If you’re tracking your cycles, you also can take magnesium before ovulation to preventatively help yourself by clearing the deck.

My doctor doesn’t recommend taking magnesium too often because it can “cause a lazy colon” and you can become “dependent” on it, but taking it once or twice a month to deal with period constipation isn’t worrisome in my opinion. There are also teas you can drink. (I love this tea and find it works beautifully for me.)

If you have diarrhea, eat foods that are “binders,” such as bananas, white potatoes, white rice or oatmeal. Realistically, any low-fiber, low-fat food is likely to help alleviate diarrhea.

A couple of my clients have said an increase in omega-3 fatty acids also has helped prevent or provide relief to cycle-based diarrhea. If these vegan sources like hemp seeds and walnuts don’t normally bother your stomach or cause digestive issues, it could be good to eat them shortly before and during the “diarrhea time” of your cycle.

BOTTOM LINE: There are several factors that can cause your bowel frequency or consistency to change, but one key factor that most women overlook is the menstrual cycle. Knowing your cycle can help you slightly alter your diet to prevent constipation and bloating. Work WITH your body and cycle. :)

from Recipes Blog https://happyherbivore.com/2019/07/8-effective-period-constipation-solutions/

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rolypolywl · 5 years

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youtube

Welcome to day 24!

So last time I was specifically talking about prescription medications. Today I’m talking about diet pills. Now, before you jump to either attack or defend, let me clarify. There are over-the-counter and as-seen-on-tv and late night infomercial kinds of diet pills. And then there are actual, doctor-prescribed medications. We’re going to talk about the first kind today.

Healthline explains how most of these things work:

Of course, the first question is then, do they actually do those three things?

The Mayo Clinic cuts right to the chase. “There's no magic bullet for losing weight. The most effective way to lose weight and keep it off is by eating a healthy low-calorie diet and being more physically active. Weight-loss pills — prescription drugs, nonprescription drugs, herbal products or other dietary supplements — are all, at best, tools that may help with weight loss. But there is relatively little research about these products. The best studied of these are prescription weight-loss drugs.”

So, that said, let’s look at non-prescription pills first.

WebMD is not impressed. “Anyone who has watched TV after midnight has heard the claims. Eat all you want, never exercise, and still lose weight with this little pill. Unfortunately, scientific research has not borne out such claims. These products are categorized as dietary supplements, not as drugs. According to current FDA regulations, that means nobody has to prove that they work.”

Yes, you heard that right. They don’t even have to work. That means, that instead of having to be proved effective first, they can just be sold to people by any schmuck. And if people get hurt, you don’t have to stop selling them until the FDA proves they are bad. MADNESS!

So, that said, what are in these supplements? Well, there are all kinds of different “main ingredients” in these things, and they can be marketed in different ways. Some are pills or capsules, some are liquid drops or shots, and sometimes they are made into drink mixes or snacks or things.

And they, as Healthline notes, can work in different ways. First are Fat-trappers. “Fat-trapping products generally contain chitosan. It comes from the powdered shells of shrimps, crabs, and other shellfish. Supposedly it binds to fat in the food you eat, keeping it from being digested. While there is evidence that it does help prevent you from absorbing dietary fat, its effects may be too small for you to actually notice anything. A few small studies have shown that people on calorie-restricted diets lose slightly more weight if they're taking chitosan.”

Of course, there are good fats, and good things that hitch a ride on fats, like vitamins, that can be excluded by these supplements.

Then there are fat-burners and appetite suppressants, which tend to go hand in hand. “Fat burners are generally some combination of herb-derived stimulants, essential fatty acids, chromium picolinate, pyruvate, and/or hydroxycitric acid. [...] Two or three of these stimulants are usually 'stacked' together in one weight loss product, often along with aspirin or willow bark. They are supposed to increase energy while stimulating fat burning. Most experts agree they do work when combined with exercise. Their safety, however, is another matter.”

And we’ll explore those more in depth now.

So first I’ll look at Garcinia cambogia extract, which “became popular worldwide after being featured on the Dr. Oz show in 2012. It is a small, green fruit, shaped like a pumpkin. The skin of the fruit contains hydroxycitric acid (HCA). This is the active ingredient in garcinia cambogia extract, which is marketed as a diet pill.”

Now, as much as you might love Dr. Oz, Healthline reports that he might have missed the mark here, because a year earlier. “A 2011 review that looked at 12 studies on garcinia cambogia found that, on average, it caused weight loss of about 2 pounds (0.88 kg) over several weeks”.

Now, generally speaking, improving your diet and exercise just slightly often results in losses of a pound or two a week, so 2 pounds in several weeks is not that impressive.

Another one that you’ve probably heard of, and which has slightly more impressive stats, is Hydroxycut. This has several “weight loss” ingredients, including caffeine.

There has only been one study on this, apparently, but while it did conclude that users would lose 21 pounds in three months, one short term study isn’t super reliable.

Of course, 3 months is roughly 12 weeks, and 21 pounds in 12 weeks is again, 1-2 pounds a week, or what you can easily achieve with slightly better diet and exercise.

Other people try straight caffeine pills, Green Tea Extract, or just lots of coffee or green tea to try to lose weight. People also take Green Coffee Bean Extract, which is basically just raw coffee beans, and again, that’s for the caffeine.

But, Hydroxycut and all other caffeine-heavy supplements run into the same problem, as Healthline warns. “If you are caffeine sensitive, you may experience anxiety, jitteriness, tremors, nausea, diarrhea and irritability. Caffeine is also addictive and can reduce the quality of your sleep.”

So I used to work with this gal who was so lazy; she would want to sit around and not even do our jobs. And then if she had to actually do something, she would pop a caffeine diet pill and it was like she was on a mild form of speed. She would hurry around, fussing with things, and still not getting anything effectively done, and then she would be jittery and annoyed the last half of the shift.

So this is not a great way to live. And again, the weight loss effects seem minimal.

Now, one supplement that works in a very different way is Glucomaannan. According to Healthline, “Glucomannan absorbs water and becomes gel-like. It "sits" in your gut and promotes a feeling of fullness, helping you eat fewer calories. [...] Glucomannan is a fiber that can feed the friendly bacteria in the intestine. It can also lower blood sugar, blood cholesterol and triglycerides, and is very effective against constipation.”

So that’s different, and makes some sense. Again, though, the results are 8-10 pounds in 5 weeks, which is 1-2 a week.

Meratrim, like Hydroxycut, only has one study on it, and again the results are in the 1-2 pounds a week range. But, like Glucomannan, it has a kind of unique process. “It is claimed to make it harder for fat cells to multiply, decrease the amount of fat that they pick up from the bloodstream, and help them burn stored fat.”

Finally, something called Raspberry Ketones. Theoretically they break down fat and thus cause weight loss. But, there is only one human study, from 2017, and the Mayo Clinic points out so huge problems with the data.

Of the just 70 people who participated, only 45 completed all eight weeks. Which is ridiculously short, for a trial, FYI. And their average weight loss was just 4.2 pounds, which in 8 weeks is barely more than 1 pound a week. That’s low, as these things go.

“The eight-week trial used a multi-ingredient supplement with raspberry ketone, caffeine, bitter orange, ginger root extract and garlic root extract, as well as other herbs, vitamins and minerals. [...] All of the participants were placed on a restricted diet and exercise program.”

Of course, as Mayo explains, “the supplement included multiple ingredients, making it impossible to judge which ingredients helped the weight loss.”

So those are super modest, short term results, from one of the dozen things in that pill (Which, remember, includes caffeine), or possibly just from the diet and exercise they also did.

I buy that even less than the other things I’ve covered today.

Now, relatively speaking, these are “healthy”, or at least “not too dangerous” supplements.

There are dangerous ones.

“Conjugated Linoleic Acid,” or CLA, causes slight weight loss (0.2 pounds a week), but has these side effects, according to Healthline. “CLA can cause various digestive side effects, and may have harmful effects over the long term, potentially contributing to fatty liver, insulin resistance and increased inflammation.”

And that’s nothing on ephedrine!

This one you might have heard about on TV, as it was banned, but it isn’t as gone as you might think.

Harvard Health explains. “In December 2003, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration announced it was banning the sale of products containing ephedra. This announcement heralded the first time the agency has banned an herbal supplement. Its decision was based on extensive research involving more than 16,000 reports of adverse health effects from products containing ephedra. These studies clearly indicate that ephedra is dangerous. And it can kill. Roughly 155 deaths have been blamed on the amphetamine-like stimulant.”

Yes, amphetamine-like. Remember when I compared caffeine diet pills to mild speed? Well this is the non-mild version. And it sped up people’s hearts so much that they died.

“A variety of studies associate ephedra use with cardiovascular problems, including high blood pressure, palpitations, and heart attacks. Side effects of the herb include heart palpitations, nausea, and vomiting. More than 800 dangerous reactions have been reported - among them, heart attacks, strokes, seizures, and sudden death. Psychosis, insomnia, and heatstroke have also been reported.”

But there are people who don’t seem to care, and just want their speed back. In fact, according to Harvard Health, “Some people who think ephedra helped them lose weight are looking to new herbs and natural extracts to replace the banned dietary supplement. Topping the list of new ingredients is caffeine.”

Yeah, there’s that caffeine connection again. And, it isn’t alone.

“A type of orange called bitter orange contains the compound synephrine. Synephrine is related to ephedrine, which used to be a popular ingredient in various weight loss pill formulations. [...] Synephrine shares similar mechanisms with ephedrine, but is less potent. It can reduce appetite and significantly increase fat burning”

Now, there are few studies on synephrine itself, but it appears to have the same potential heart issues and can be addictive! So, you know, like speed!

I mean, I feel like this should go without saying, but the world we live in right now… *Don’t take supplements or drugs to lose weight that act like speed!*

And, of course, the Mayo Clinic warns, “If you're considering weight-loss pills, be sure to talk with your doctor, especially if you have health problems, take prescription drugs, or are pregnant or breast-feeding. It's also important to get advice on possible interactions with your current use of medicine, vitamins or minerals. Your doctor can also offer advice on losing weight, provide support, monitor your progress or refer you to a dietitian.”

So like how last time our theme was “Don’t stop before you talk to your doctor,” today the theme is “Don’t start these before you talk to your doctor!” These might be over the counter, and not need a prescription, but that doesn’t mean that they might not interact with your prescriptions.

So talk to your doctor. Again. ;)

And another quick disclaimer that goes along with this comes from a different WebMD article on what NOT to do to lose weight.

““The potential risks associated with abusing drugs such as cocaine, speed, and meds prescribed for attention deficit disorder, thyroid disorders, or diabetes to lose weight far outweigh any health benefit you may get from weight loss," says nutrition counselor Jeannie Gazzaniga-Moloo, PhD, RD. Risks include addiction, relationship and financial problems, anxiety, severe headaches, stroke, and heart, lung, and kidney problems.”

Again, this might seem like a no brainer. Don’t use coke or actual speed or whatever to lose weight. But the important part isn’t the illegal drugs. The important part is the prescription meds. I know in college lots of people would talk about buying ADD meds so they could focus and stay up all night to write a paper, even though they don’t have ADD.

And lots of people have found that there are prescription meds that can have a side effect of making you lose weight. But, like, *DON’T DO THAT*.

Okay, so that is what I wanted to cover with non-prescription diet pills and supplements. And keep in mind from last time, when we talked about inactive ingredients, that supplements can have just as much gunk in them! So if you do decide to try one of these, be careful of that too!

This has been Roly Poly Weight loss. As always, I am your host, Roly Poly. If you feel comfortable, please share your experiences with the hashtag #DietPill. Are there any supplements you’ve heard of that I haven’t mentioned? Please share!

And please join me next time!

#RolyPoly #DietPill #dieting #heath #healthy #Health & Fitness #fitness #fitblr #weight loss #losing weight #weightloss #workout #working out #Workout Plan

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marshmallow-the-vampire-slayer · 7 years

Text

MTVS Epic Rewatch #171

VOTE!

BTVS 6x18 Entropy

Stray thoughts

2) Don’t you just love it when your OTP do stuff together?

BUFFY: I am not telling my friends about us. SPIKE: Right, I'll just be dropping him down to you then. BUFFY: You wanna tell them so badly? Go ahead. You know why? I tried to kill my friends, my sister, last week... and guess how much they hate me. Zero. Zero much. So I'm thinking, sleeping with you? They'll deal.

And yet, she wouldn’t come clean... I don’t think she was afraid they’d hate her. I think she feared they’d shame her and judge her, much like Xander did by the end of the episode. And at the same time, I think in a way Buffy wanted Spike to be her thing, even if they weren’t really together and they weren’t having sex anymore.

4) I love this vamp’s WTF reaction so much!

SPIKE: In that case, why won't you sleep with me again?

5) I thought country was the music of pain, Xander.

Also, what’s up with that pinky? You’re drinking beer, dude, it’s not the 5 o’clock tea with Cheryl and the gals at the country club.

6) It’s really cute to watch Willow and Tara be all flirty and cute like in the beginning.

WILLOW: We should have some coffee some time. Uh, maybe some day... this week after class? TARA: I'm free tomorrow. WILLOW: Uh, you could, you could bring your friend. TARA: I wasn't gonna - I mean, if you have a friend- WILLOW: No! I'm, oh, I-I'm friendless. TARA: Yeah, yeah, no friends. I mean, I have friends- WILLOW: Right, many dear friends, yeah.

7) At least Buffy and Dawn are spending time together, right?

BUFFY: You stole a toothbrush. DAWN: A mother-of-pearl handle. Very fancy. BUFFY: Yeah, but you stole a toothbrush. As far as rebellious teenagers go, you're kinda square. DAWN: Dental hygiene is important. BUFFY: Guess this was kind of a lame sisters' day out, huh? I make up for trying to kill you by taking you to places you can't go in. DAWN: No, it's my bad. I'm the one that got caught taking stuff.

JONATHAN: If something goes wrong, it's gonna surge... and we'll be deader than an ex-girlfriend. WARREN: What did you say? JONATHAN: Just let me work! WARREN: All right. All right, you do what you need to do. You get us to the goods, and then watch out! It'll gonna be like... it'll be like the whole world just spread open and gave it up for you, man.

JONATHAN: And then we're done, right? We each take our share and we call it a day.

WARREN: You that ready to get rid of us? Huh? Don't worry. We pull this off, you can go buy any tropical island you want. Aw, cheer up, Short Round. You're about to get us everything we ever wanted.

Like, I appreciate that Jonathan hasn’t forgotten they murdered Katrina, but it’s still not good enough. Just feeling kind of bad about committing murder is still not good enough. Reluctantly continuing to help your ex-friends to commit more crimes is still not good enough. I mean, he is the only one in the trio with half a conscience, so there’s that. But like I said, it’s not good enough.

9) Oh, God, I’m just noticing this…

XANDER: I know there's nothing that I can say or do to make up for what I did. I can't. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I'm like, 'oh god, is this my life? Was that me?' ANYA: Me too.

Anya agrees but they are both talking about two whole different levels of “was that really me?” Even though they are both expressing regrets over their past actions, Xander is merely talking about how he’s still second-guessing his decision to cancel the wedding at the last minute and leave her at the altar, while it’s easy to tell Anya’s regrets are quite different. It feels as though she’s having trouble going back to being a vengeance demon. It was an impulse decision, and she made it only because in the heat of the moment she wanted to exact her revenge on Xander and on Xander alone. But she’s been back on the vengeance business for two weeks, which means that while she waited to get to Xander, she probably had to do her duty and kill and torture others. Anya probably thought she’d find joy in vengeance again, as she once did. But she’s not the same person/demon.

10) The saddest part is that had Xander asked her to pick up where they’d left off and get married, she would’ve done it in a heartbeat – her pain, heartbreak, and humiliation would have been forgotten in a second. She looks so hopeful when he starts to apologize.

11) And I get Xander, he shouldn’t do anything he doesn’t feel ready for. But the timing was so, so wrong. And the damage was done.

ANYA: Do you still want to get married? ...Oh.

XANDER: Ahn, it's a very complicated question. ANYA: No, actually, it's really not. It's kind of an either-or deal. Do you want to get married? XANDER: Someday, yes, very much. When we're ready. I don't want you to take this as a bad thing. It's good. I love you, I love you so much, I'm just trying to be honest with you. ANYA: Yes, honesty *now*. Congratulations, Xander, on being honest now. I wonder what the medal will say.

12) Again with the impulse decisions...

ANYA: And I wish you were never born!

XANDER: I know this is all coming out wrong.

ANYA: I wish you felt the pain of a thousand searing pokers boiling your heart in its own juices! XANDER: I know, honey. I totally deserve that. ANYA: I... I wish you had tentacles where your beady eyes should be! I wish your intestines were tied in knots and ripped apart inside your lousy gut! XANDER: They are. ANYA: Really?

But.. how would she have felt if her wish had actually come tue? I think she would’ve regretted instantly.

13)

ANYA: What's wrong with me? XANDER: No, honey, it's not you, it's me.

14) My baby is all grown!

DAWN: No, you're not, it's not that, it's just... what if, instead of you hanging out with me? Maybe I could hang out with you. Why don't I come patrolling with you tonight?

BUFFY: Oh. And then? Maybe we can invite over some strangers and ask them to feed you candy. DAWN: Well, you guys went out patrolling every night when you were my age. BUFFY: True... but technically, you're one-and-a-half. See, I thought a little levity might ... but okay, also no.

DAWN: I just... I just think I could help. BUFFY: I'm sure you could. But it's a little more dangerous than I had in mind. DAWN: But- BUFFY: Dawn, I work very hard to keep you away from that stuff. Okay, I don't want you around dangerous things that can kill you. DAWN: Which would be a perfectly reasonable argument, if my sister was chosen to protect the world from tax audits? But, see, my sister is you, and... dangerous things that want to kill me seem to find me. BUFFY: But you don't need to go looking for them.

But she does need to be prepared in case something happens. Buffy was so concerned with keeping Dawn safe that she was making her helpless. I agree, Dawn shouldn’t go looking for danger, but they were always in danger whether they go looking for it or not. And by sheltering Dawn so much, Buffy was making her so much more vulnerable to any dangers she might encounter. I get that Buffy was probably trying to give Dawn the kind of normal life she never got to have, but even though Dawn hadn’t been burdened with a sacred duty, she was still choosing not to have a normal life much like Willow did when she decided to stay in Sunnydale to fight evil. And Buffy didn’t try and stop Willow or Xander. I know, they weren’t her siblings, but all the more reason for her to try and prepare Dawn for any possible danger they might have to face.

15) The whole montage of Anya trying to get the girls to wish evil on Xander is both funny and sad because ultimately, I think what Anya was looking for even more so than them wishing vengeance on Xander was for their empathy and support. She realized that the people she had been spending time with for the last few years weren’t really their friends, and that’s a sobering reality.

16)

ANYA: Guys have been running roughshod over you for years. Torturing that perky little ticker. Aren't you sick of it? Don't you wish guys like that- BUFFY: Whoa. Guys? There have only been four - three! Three! Three guys. That's barely plural.

17) ICONIC!

WILLOW: Well, if there's anything we can do, just let us- ANYA: Actually... um... there is an eensy something I could use a little help with. You're lesbians so the hating of men will come in handy. Let's talk about Xander.

TARA: Well, it's, it's not really so much about hating the men. WILLOW: We're more centered around the... girl on girl action. ANYA: And men really like to watch that kind of stuff, don't they? Men like Xander.

WILLOW: Well, Xander is a guy, so... it's kinda not the surprise that he likes to watch... girls... Why are we talking about this? ANYA: We're comforting me! TARA: Well, I guess it's... natural for guys to be interested in- ANYA: God! What kind of lesbians are you?! If you love men so much, go love men!

18) Okay, I call this character development…

XANDER: Looks like someone's been keeping an eye on all your ins and outs. BUFFY: What the who? XANDER: Well, now, let's see. Who's obsessed with Buffy? Who likes to hang out in her yard and keep an eye on her? Who's in love with you and not getting any?

I mean, every time Buffy had the slightest suspicion regarding Spike she would break into his crypt, punch him in the nose and ask questions later. This time, though, she dropped by, said hello, handed him the evidence, and talked to him calmly.

19)

SPIKE: Something happened to me. The way I feel... about you... it's different. And no matter how hard you try to convince yourself it isn't, it's real. BUFFY: I think it is.For you.

20)

ANYA: I want Xander good and cursed. HALFREK: Then you know what you have to do. ANYA: Get a wish from someone who doesn't freaking love him. HALFREK: Exactly. ANYA: Yeah, but my social circle is a little limited here. What am I supposed to do, just stumble upon someone who doesn't give a fig's ass if Xander gets hurt?

21)

ANYA: Oh my God. Spike *hates* Xander. Maybe I could get him to wish... dammit, if only he were a woman. Got it! If I can somehow get someone to wish that Spike were a woman, then I could go to him - well, he'd be a her by then - then I could go to her -a her by then - then I could go to her - HALFREK: Anyanka. There's an easier way. Now, I know you have this whole female-power, Take Back the Night thing, I think that's cute. But I've been telling you for decades - men need a little vengeance now and then, too.

I liked Anya’s idea, better, though. I really dig the idea of Fem!Spike.

22)

ANYA: To tell you the truth... all I wanted was to use him and lose him. I hadn't had a good tumble in a thousand years.

That’s… a big, fat lie. Anya could’ve used and abused any man if what she needed was only a good old tumble. But she came back to Sunnydale specifically to have sex with Xander. And when he wasn’t all lovey-dovey immediately afterwards, she got pissed. She actively pursued him until they were in a committed relationship. Also, this is kind of retcon. Anya mentioned she’d had sex with other demons, right? I remember that demon she runs into a season 7 talking about it. And are we supposed to believe she hadn’t had sex EVER as a vengeance demon? Are vengeance demons asexual?

23)

SPIKE: I was always going above and beyond. I saved the Scoobies how many times? And I can't stand the lot of you. ANYA: Me either! I hate us! Everybody's so *nice.* Nobody says what's on their mind. SPIKE: You do. That's why you're the only one of them I wouldn't bite if I had the chance. ANYA: Really? SPIKE: Absolutely. I have nothing but respect for a woman who is forthright. Drusilla was always straightforward. Didn't have a single buggering clue about what was going on in front of her, but she was straight about it. That's a virtue. ANYA: Mm. Xander didn't think so. He thought I was rude. SPIKE: That's because he's one of them. Uptight. Repressed. ANYA: You think? SPIKE: Please. It's no wonder they couldn't deal with the likes of you and me, luv. We should have been dead hundreds of years ago ... and we're the only ones who are really alive.

I love pretty much everything about their conversation, but what stood out this time is the fact that he claims he wouldn’t bite Anya because he likes her personality, and it got me thinking... all those lonely nights in his crypt, with the chip in his head, reminiscing of the good ol’ times when he could bite as he pleased... Spike probably ranked the Scoobies according to how much he’d like to bite them... He’d already told Willow he’d bite her, and Xander he wouldn’t... I wonder who else made the “I would bite you” list...

24) I love this scene so much…

ANYA: This whole time, I've been coming on all... hell-bent and mad. Wanting his head, you know? When, really, I... can't sleep at night, thinking it ... has to be my fault, somehow...

Spike seems really moved by Anya’s confession, and I feel like he wanted to say something to comfort her but he really didn’t know what. And then, she says exactly what’s he’s been feeling…

ANYA: What if it was just pretending? What if he never wanted me... the way I wanted him?

And then he finally finds the words, but it’s not much consolation, though…

SPIKE: He would have to be more than just the git he is, Anya. He'd have to be deaf, dumb and blind not to want a woman like you. ANYA: Then why?

Guh and they’re sexy as fuck.

25) Hahahaha Willow’s reaction!

26) And Andrew’s!

ANDREW: What are they... oh. WARREN: Is that- JONATHAN: Spike. ANDREW: He is so cool. And, I mean, the girl is hot too.

27) I love that Willow realizes what’s been going on between Buffy and Spike just by gauging her expression at seeing him with someone else. So Buffy did care a little, as much as she’d insist on telling him otherwise.

28) And I also love how honest Buffy is about the whole thing once it’s finally out. She doesn’t shy away from Dawn’s questions, and she lets her know why she didn’t anything before.

DAWN: So. This is it? This is the stuff you've been protecting me from? You and Spike? BUFFY: And a lot of monsters. DAWN: Uh-huh. BUFFY: But it's over. Spike. DAWN: I wish you'd told me. BUFFY: I kinda didn't wanna admit it to myself. DAWN: I get that. I know it must hurt. To feel like you have to hide, to keep secrets from everybody?

And Dawn is so sweet and understanding, I love her.

29) Ugh and this is when things start getting really ugly…

30) Why are you explaining, Anya? You don’t need to explain ANYTHING to Anyone! Also, if anyone needs reminding why I hate Xander half of the time, this is one of the BIG reasons why. He managed to slut-shame his best friend AND his ex-girlfriend whom he had left at the altar all in one sweep.

ANYA: It was just, it... it was just a thing. I... I felt bad, and he was just... there. BUFFY: Didn't take long, did it? XANDER: Oh, oh, oh, okay! You had to do it. Because he was there. Like Mt. Everest. Like I used to be. ANYA: And then you weren't. You left *me,* Xander. At the altar. I don't owe you anything. XANDER: So you go out and bang the first body you can find? Dead or alive? ANYA: Where do you get off judging me?! XANDER: When this is your solution to our problems. I hurt you, and you hit me back? Very mature. ANYA: No, the mature solution is for you to spend your whole life telling stupid, pointless jokes, so that no one will notice that you are just a scared, insecure little boy! XANDER: I'm not joking now. You let that evil, soulless thing touch you. You wanted me to feel something? Congratulations, it worked. I look at you ... and I feel sick. 'Cause you had sex with that.

31) And of course, the petty vampire is all hurt and petty and he just has to make everything just a tad worse...

SPIKE: It's good enough for Buffy.

32) Anya finally understands that revenge isn’t going to fix anything, it won’t make her feel any better.

SPIKE: You know, I wish- ANYA: Don't.

33) HOLY FUCK! HOW AM I JUST NOTICING THAT THIS WAS WILLOW’S OMWF DRESS?!

34) But thank god for this fleeting ray of sunshine among all the heartbreak…

TARA: Things fall apart. They fall apart so hard.

WILLOW: Tara?

TARA: You can't ever... put them back the way they were.

WILLOW: Are you okay? TARA: I'm sorry, it's just ... You know, it takes time. You can't just... have coffee and expect- WILLOW: I know.

TARA: There's just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again, on both sides ... You have to learn if... if we're even the same people we were, if you can fit in each other's lives. It's a long... important process, and... can we just skip it? Can-can you just be kissing me now?

This is hands down one of the best kisses in the show. And the series finale, what a great way to end the show, don’t you think?

#Buffy the Vampire Slayer #BTVS #Buffy Summers #Anya Jenkins #Spike #MTVSepicrewatch #BTVSrewatch2015 #mine #Entropy #recap #btvsrecap

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badgerslick · 5 years

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Badger Slick's Midnight Eruptions - Ting Tong (crazy) Ron

Kurtis: Hey dad. Haven't heard from you lately. Everything okay in Thailand? Badger: Sure is. K: How's our buddy Ron? Badger: The same. Still complains about everything. K: He lives in a million dollar condo and has a gal that loves him. Why the contrary behavior? Badger: Maybe an infestation of bad decisions in his past have warped, altered his reality. K: Wouldn't be a surprise. Badger: Get this. Funny story. A good friend gave them a Christmas card that said she wished they could spend more time together. K: Obviously a stranger. Badger: She's known them for years. K: Gosh! Doesn't she know what two bull moose during rutting season would do to each other in the same area? Badger: Just like Ron and Natalie. Always banging heads. She was just being unrealistic but hopeful. K: Let's see...must be his health that causes his deportment issues. Badger: He's been taking this estrogen gel that's all but eliminated cancer reoccurrence. K: Doesn't that cause breast enlargement? Badger: Let me put it this way. Training bras are too small for him. K: Bet that looks funny. Badger: Sure does. In any other country he'd be ostracized. Never thought I'd see a best friend with tits. K: Nipples? Badger: You bet. Like pipes. He says they're delicate. K: What a girl would say. Badger: Yeah. K: So what does he have to complain about? Badger: Traffic. Seems he's always impatient about destination arrivals. Like time matters here. K: He's frustrated because all the complaining isn't gonna change nothin'. Badger: I think sleep deprivation plays a part also. K: Still has insomnia. Badger: Yeah. He constantly talks to himself. Has to. We tuned him out. So he can't go to sleep because he tries to come up with new word and sentence combinations to whine at us. K: I suppose his eating habits are still lamentable. Badger: Still scraping his plates, jars, utility dishes for unseen-to-the-naked-eye morsels. K: He still scavengers food off other people's plates? Badger: He takes food removal to another level. K: How can he put away so much food? Badger: He has no choice. Intestinal parasites have no boundaries. K: Does he still avoid nice restaurants? Badger: Like the plague. Once in a while he gets goaded into going somewhere special. K: I really miss him in a corner chair or booth. He curls up like a snail and looks at the menu a dozen times to see if he's missed cheap food. His face and even his neck wrinkles look like... Badger: An Albino raisin. K: Bingo! So being cheap is still one of his self-imposed burdens. Badger: Of course. He does eat but complains about the portions. Who goes to a premier steakhouse and orders salad? K: Cheap Charlie! Then he goes to one of his bargain slough troughs to eat I bet. Probably eats again when he gets home. Badger: Of course. Denial is his constant companion. Especially his self-imposed imbibement monetary limitations. K: Gee dad, this is fun talking behind Ron's back. Badger: It makes putting up with his alien nuances almost worthwhile. Alienated............Badger

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armyhealth9-blog · 5 years

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5 Things I Already Regret Buying In 2019

New year, new me, new budget. Right? Well…not exactly. The start of 2019 saw me update my budget using brighter colors, smaller fonts, and more fun bolds and italics where need be. I was eagerly on edge towards the end of December waiting until I could make my first purchase of the new year just to run home and record it on my spreadsheet.

As all new years begin with a glimmer of hope and a chance to change for the better, I told myself that I wasn’t going to do any unnecessary spending. But, alas, just as those goodhearted folk who went to the gym the first two weeks of January and then petered in their determination, I left my dreams of becoming a “smart spender” in the past. Here are five things I already regret buying in 2019.

1. A 3-Pack Of Those Spiral Hair Ties

Spiral hair ties made their debut this summer, and at first, I laughed them off. I already own a normal hair tie. What is this squiggly piece of rubber you expect me to wear in my hair? It looks like one of those coils that lifeguards put their whistles on and then leave high up on their bicep. Why would I want that?

Then I met the most stylish gal named Cydney who wore hers on her wrist and she looked SO. COOL. She had different colors — browns, clears, pastels — and I thought they made the cutest accessories to tie an outfit together. I imagined how it would look next to my gold Casio watch and decided it was worth it.

A pack of 3 was on sale for $7.99, and the regular price was so hidden I had to guess that this was maybe a good deal. When I put one on my wrist it felt very tight — more so than your average elastic. When I take it out of my hair, it often gets stuck and pulls hard. When I type at work, I have to take it off my wrist because it is so 3D I can’t rest my arm down properly. I was at Nordstrom Rack the other day and they had so many spiral elastics that were larger, in different colors, and MUCH CHEAPER than the ones I bought. I was not impressed with my original purchase. Also? I found a larger pastel pink one on the ground at my work the other day and I took it. (Don’t judge me. I watched it all day when I passed in that hallway and no one came back to pick it up.)

2. An Instagrammable Brunch

An old friend and I decided to meet halfway between our homes in a cool part of town that I don’t often get to. I originally suggested to just get coffee because I didn’t want to spend too much money, but after searching all the restaurants in the area, I decided this could be a good time for both a delicious meal and a great food pic. Unfortunately, the little vegetarian spot we picked was less impressive in person than it looked online. The $20 meal was lackluster, something I could have easily made at home. The cafe was empty except for us and one other set of friends, and although the hostess had their choice of EVERY TABLE in the place to seat them, the two girls got sat directly beside us. In addition to overhearing each other’s conversations, these other girls made me feel self-conscious for wanting to be a typical millennial and Instagram my meal. What if they looked over, saw me take a pic, and judged me?

3. A 10-DOLLAR TURMERIC LATTE

I’m currently on a 4-week restricted diet that followed an eight-week naturopathic pill regime to eradicate a stubborn case of SIBO (Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth). Because of this, it is very hard to eat out and my life right now is very bland and includes very strict meal-prepping.

A group of friends decided to meet for dinner at a trendy vegetarian/vegan spot downtown, and I pre-ate a dinner beforehand in the public library. When I got to the restaurant, I had no intention of buying anything, but eating with friends is one of my biggest joys and I wanted to feel like part of the group. After confirming with the waitress that the almond milk they use is unsweetened, I ordered a turmeric latte thinking I could sip it slowly while my friend chewed their delicious-looking meals. My latte came out before any of the food and it was in the SMALLEST cup I have ever seen. I was livid. Especially because I have the ingredients to make a turmeric latte at home if I really wanted one. But I didn’t even really want one! I just wanted to participate!

4. “Sleeper” Hoop Earrings

If it wasn’t obvious from the past few notes: I love a good trend! I’d been seeing lots of girls wearing little tiny hoop earrings that hug the lobe and look so precious. I wanted to look this minimalist and dainty, too! But all the cute earrings I was seeing on Etsy were a bit too expensive once you factored in shipping and tax. Instead, I went to a drugstore and bought some of their hypoallergenic “sleeper” hoops after I heard from a friend they would be small enough to achieve the look I was wanting. Sadly, I must have explained the look wrong to my friend because the moment I put the earrings on and reached up to feel, I found they were still much bigger than the tight baby hoops I imagined.

5. “Mom’s Lasagna” Pizza

What comes to mind when you think of lasagna? Layers of ground beef, melty cheese, warm noodles, roasted veggies, ricotta, etc. Now imagine all of that on a pizza. Too good to be true, you say? Well, you’d be correct. “Mom’s Lasagna” was the specialty pizza at a classic pizza restaurant in my city, and I was so excited to eat two of my favorite foods in one. However, this establishment must have never seen a lasagna before, because this pizza was just cheddar cheese and ham. So. Much. Ham. If this is how mom made her lasagna, then someone should tell her she’s doing it wrong.

*****

Although it hasn’t been a perfect start to 2019, I think I’m able now to see that my fault when it comes to spending money is trying to fit in or to follow trends. What I need to do instead is start evaluating my purchases through a lens of “Will this make me happy?” and “Is this what I want?”. It’s all too easy to fall into a group-think mindset, but once you’re able to separate yourself from the zeitgeist, I believe that both your wallet and your sense of self will grow.

Hailey is a homebody. Follow her social medias @hailmast.

Image via Unsplash

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Source: https://thefinancialdiet.com/5-things-i-already-regret-buying-in-2019/

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bloojayoolie · 6 years

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Animals, Beautiful, and Cats: PINKY ID# 43946 4yrs old 36 Ibs Pinky is wondering how she could have possibly ended up in this place. Lonely & confused to ifshe will be saved. If those sad eyes don't make you fall in love..those adorable bunny ears stunningly gorgeous looks sure will! MEH HATTAN ANIMAL CARE CENTER TO BE KILLED 10/18/18 Tiny Pinky has the most adorable bunny ears and is the cutest little pocket pittie. She is waiting for a loving home at Manhattan Care Center. <3 Please share! A volunteer writes: On Wednesdays we wear pink. But you can toss that calendar right in the bin when your life includes 4 year-old Pinky. How could every day feel like anything but a holiday with this beautiful, bunny-eared gal by your side? By the way, miss Pinky also has perfect-pocket proportions. At just 36 pounds, she is the ideal size for any home, apartment, or heart. On a recent afternoon Pinky was eager to get out and stretch those delicate limbs in some crisp, fall weather. The moment her toes hit the green grass, she lived up to those ears with a HOP! We're told by Pinky's prior family that she is affectionate and playful, housetrained and crate-trained, and actually enjoys baths and being brushed for "long periods of time" (who doesn't?). She also is said to be friendly with strangers and "roll over on her belly" for people she's comfortable with, which, as a brand new friend, isn't something I got to experience, but oh how that would make my year! On Wednesdays we wear pink but every day here on out, you'll be wearing a smile with this sweet, beautiful bunny at your side. Promise? No. Pinky swear. Pinky is waiting in adoptions at Manhattan ACC. Pinky ID# 43946 Manhattan Animal Care Center 4 yrs old, 36 lbs TAN / WHITE SPAYED FEMALE Intake Date: 10-09-2018 I came into the shelter as a owner surrender on 09-Oct-2018, with the surrender reason stated as person circumstance- moving - no pets allowed. Behavior History Pinky was loose bodied and was sniffing around. She then started walking around me and wagging her tail. She allowed me to take her picture but then another dog walked in and she became very stiff and started growling and so i brought her to the back and she walked right into a kennel. Basic Information:: Pinky is a tan and white female large breed dog that is estimated to be 4 years old. Her previous owner got her from another shelter 3 years ago and kept her until their building no longer allowed animals. Previously lived with:: 2 Adults How is this dog around strangers?: Pinky is friendly with strangers ans will usually roll over on her belly to people that she is comfortable with. How is this dog around children?: Pinky was not around children in her previous home. How is this dog around other dogs?: Pinky does not get along with other dogs, she lived with an older dog for a few months before he passed away and was bitten by one 2 years ago and since has no like being around dogs and will usually growl and snap. How is this dog around cats?: Pinky did not spend any time with cats in her previous home. Resource guarding:: Pinky is not bothered by people going near her food or toys. Bite history:: Pinky has no history of having bitten another person or animal. Housetrained:: Yes Energy level/descriptors:: High Energy, Playful, Affectionate Other Notes:: Pinky is not bothered by loud noises and has no known behavior concerns.He enjoys baths and being brushed for long periods of time. She is not bothered by people trying to trim her nails. Has this dog ever had any medical issues?: No Medical Notes: Pinky has no known medical concerns. For a New Family to Know: Pinky is an affectionate dog that enjoys following people around the home and watching people walk by the window. She enjoys playing with Kongs and is used to being indoor all day. She is crate trained for up to 8 hours and is used to sleep in her crate overnight. She is used to eating dry food. She is very house trained and never has accidents at home. She does tend to pull when being walked and is used to being on a harness. Behavior Assessment Date of intake:: 10/9/2018 Spay/Neuter status:: Yes Means of surrender (length of time in previous home):: Owner Surrender (In home for 3 years) Previously lived with:: Adults Behavior toward strangers:: Friendly Behavior toward dogs:: Growls and snaps at them Resource guarding:: None reported Bite history:: None reported Housetrained:: Yes Energy level/descriptors:: Pinky is described as playful and affectionate with a high level of activity. Date of assessment:: 10/10/2018 Look:: 1. Dog leans forward or jumps up to lick the Assessor's face with tail wagging, ears back and eyes averted. Sensitivity:: 1. Dog leans into the Assessor, eyes soft or squinty, soft and loose body, open mouth. Tag:: 1. Dog assumes play position and joins the game. Or dog indicates play with huffing, soft 'popping' of the body, etc. Dog might jump on Assessor once play begins. Paw squeeze 1:: 2. Dog quickly pulls back. Paw squeeze 2:: 2. Dog quickly pull back. Flank squeeze 1:: Item not conducted Flank squeeze 2:: Item not conducted Toy:: 1. Dog settles down close to chew, will relinquish toy to you. Summary:: Pinky quickly approached the assessor with a soft body. She was social and playful throughout the assessment, allowed all handling, and displayed no concerning behaviors. Summary:: Due to owner reported concern toward other dogs (growling, snapping) in addition to observed behavior toward the helper dog in our care (tense, lunges toward) - it is recommended that Pinky be the only resident dog in a future home, and be kept out of dog park settings. Summary (1):: 10/10: Due to reported history of reactivity toward other dogs, Pinky is muzzled before introduction to the helper dog. She approaches and briefly sniffs with a tense body, then quickly becomes preoccupied with the presence of the muzzle. Summary (2):: 10/11: Pinky is introduced off leash without a muzzle. She displays a tense body and offensive posturing. She prepares to lunge forward but is quickly removed. Date of intake:: 10/9/2018 Summary:: Social, growled at a dog that walked by ENERGY LEVEL:: Pinky is described as having a high level of activity. We recommend long-lasting chews, food puzzles, and hide-and-seek games, in additional to physical exercise, to positively direct her energy and enthusiasm. BEHAVIOR DETERMINATION:: EXPERIENCE (suitable for an adopter with some previous dog experience, especially with the behaviors outlined below) Behavior Asilomar: TM - Treatable-Manageable Recommendations:: Single-pet home,Recommend no dog parks Recommendations comments:: Single pet home/no dog parks: (see DOG-DOG INTERACTION ASSESSMENT). Potential challenges: : On-leash reactivity/barrier frustration Potential challenges comments:: On-leash reactivity/barrier frustration: Pinky is reported to growl and snap at dogs on leash. Pinky may need positive reinforcement, reward based training to teach her to look at you rather than other dogs. We recommend a front clip harness or head halter to help manage this behavior. My medical notes are... Weight: 36 lbs Vet Notes 13/10/2018 Hx: Blood in soft stool reported 10/11. S: Alert, at front of kennel, wagging tail O: No coughing, sneezing, nasal discharge A: Soft stool with blood R/O stress colitis P: Monitor for recurrence 1088 16/10/2018 SO BAR in kennel. Eating well. Diarrhea reported on board; hx of bloody stool 4 days ago. A diarrhea -- r/o dietary, intestinal parasites, stress, other P metronidazole 250mg tablet -- give 1 tablet PO q12h x 5 days proviable -- give 1 tablet PO q24h x 5 days 16/10/2018 [DVM Intake] DVM Intake Exam Estimated age: 4 Microchip noted on Intake? Microchip Number (If Applicable): History : OS - being treated for diarrhea in the shelter. Examination revealed pt is also sniffling Subjective: BARH Observed Behavior - allowed full PE Evidence of Cruelty seen - n Evidence of Trauma seen - n Objective T = - P = wnl R = wnl BCS = 5/9 EENT: Eyes clear, ears clean, marked clear nasal dis-c, "sniffling", no ocular discharge noted Oral Exam: mild- moderate calculus on canines PLN: No enlargements noted H/L: NSR, NMA, CRT < 2, Lungs clear, eupnic ABD: Non painful, no masses palpated U/G: Spayed - tattoo present MSI: Ambulatory x 4, skin free of parasites, no masses noted, healthy hair coat CNS: Mentation appropriate - no signs of neurologic abnormalities Rectal: externally normal Assessment - CIRDC - Otherwise healthy Prognosis: Excellent Plan: Move to medical Iso Doxycycline 10mg/kg PO SID for 14 days Enrofloxacin 10mg/kg PO SID for 14 days Cerenia 2mg/kg SID PO for 3 days * TO FOSTER OR ADOPT * HOW TO RESERVE A “TO BE KILLED” DOG ONLINE (only for those who can get to the shelter IN PERSON to complete the adoption process, and only for the dogs on the list NOT marked New Hope Rescue Only). Follow our Step by Step directions below! PLEASE NOTE – YOU MUST USE A PC OR TABLET – PHONE RESERVES WILL NOT WORK! * STEP 1: CLICK ON THIS RESERVE LINK: https://newhope.shelterbuddy.com/Animal/List Step 2: Go to the red menu button on the top right corner, click register and fill in your info. Step 3: Go to your email and verify account \ Step 4: Go back to the website, click the menu button and view available dogs Step 5: Scroll to the animal you are interested and click reserve STEP 6 ( MOST IMPORTANT STEP ): GO TO THE MENU AGAIN AND VIEW YOUR CART. THE ANIMAL SHOULD NOW BE IN YOUR CART! Step 7: Fill in your credit card info and complete transaction HOW TO FOSTER OR ADOPT IF YOU CANNOT GET TO THE SHELTER IN PERSON, OR IF THE DOG IS NEW HOPE RESCUE ONLY! You must live within 3 – 4 hours of NY, NJ, PA, CT, RI, DE, MD, MA, NH, VT, ME or Norther VA. Please PM our page for assistance. You will need to fill out applications with a New Hope Rescue Partner to foster or adopt a dog on the To Be Killed list, including those labelled Rescue Only. Hurry please, time is short, and the Rescues need time to process the applications.

#funny #lol #humor #memes #meme #memehumor #dank memes #funny pics #rolf #lmao #Animals #Beautiful #a

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talldarknsexy · 6 years

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Moseying about in Malawi

I left Chipata, Zambia somewhat early and rode with the wave of other cyclists hauling their shit to the border. The visa didn't take too long, but there were at least a dozen persistent money changers fighting for my attention. I didn't intend to ride all the way to Lilongwe in one day as it's almost 150k along with a border crossing and I'd be entering the capital city of Malawi hopefully before dark, but I often get a little ahead of myself. Plus, the wind had finally calmed down for once and I had a bunch of cycling company. We'd be three, four, five in a line sometimes. I was sure the tallest, but not the heaviest and often not the fastest. We'd be flying down the highway, gears crunching, jackets flapping, and feathers flying off their chickens. Not talking, but often grinning. I got in right at dusk. I'd been riding for two weeks with only one day's rest in Lusaka. So, Lilongwe was a nice respite, especially with not much happening there- the days kinda blended together. I dropped off my passport at the embassy for renewal as I was out of pages. Degrimed my clothes and gear. Hung out with Alma, a Dutch gal working there. And wasted all too much time at an Internet cafe. I didn't have plans for that weekend, but a van of travelers was headed down to Cape Mclair to celebrate Malawi's Independence Day weekend. They were leaving in 15 mins and had an extra seat. So, I scrambled some stuff together and headed off with them. It was an awesome weekend. Free camping by the lake, a party at the bar every night and chilling/swimming on the lake by day. A kiwi couple I met there was headed down in a rental car that Sunday to hike Mt Mulange. Since that was high on my agenda anyways, I opted to tag along. It was a three day guided hike through a hut system to the top of the 3rd highest peak in Africa. We ascended through jungle to a pine forest to alpine tundra all the way up to bare rocky faces well above tree line. I was surprised as it was a very technical climb- up there with the hardest I'd done in Colorado. The kiwi couple was super fit, while I was busy tap dancing around on the rocks in my cycling cleats as I hadn't had time, nor forethought to pack properly. But, it was fine in comparison to Lauren, an Aussie girl, who also tagged along. She'd thrown up a few times on the way up and fell into a river on the way down. The driving itself around Malawi was also enough of an adventure. We spotted some hippos in a river by the road and we'd ran the gauntlet of rogue chickens, goats, and cyclists popping on and off the road. We were also frighteningly close to ploughing over a kid that jumped out, and late one evening, a local gave us a good love tap to our rear bumper. Upon realizing we were mzungus and there wasn't notable damage, he just shrugged and got back in his car. After (somehow) safely making it back to Lilongwe, we said our goodbyes and I spent the weekend sorting out a new rear wheel and picking up my passport. I sourced the wheel from a guy named Smart. I was a little dismayed to see Malawi's most professional bike shop operates out of a shipping container situated behind a bar, but he had a very extensive knowledge of bike repair and services all the diplomats bikes in the nearby 3 countries. On Sunday, Alma and I hired a car and hiked out to see some ancient rock art. Of the alleged eight sites, we found one... And not without the help of a local farmer's pointing. But, it was allegedly the most impressive of the sites and didn't disappoint. We also scrambled to the top of Mphunzi peak and had lunch and a cider outlooking one of the most impressive views of Africa I've seen yet. It was an amazing day, and I even got to drive a car for the first time in 15 months. It was automatic surprisingly, albeit on the opposite side of the road. After two weeks of fucking off, I headed off again. It was only a three day ride to get to the next tourist locale of Nkhata bay. I had a camp spot right over the lake and there was a buffet at the restaurant every night. They also had a full bar, a dock and they rented out kayaks, paddle boards, and snorkels for free. It was paradise. On my last day, I went with a European couple and Emma, on a free boat tour they offered. We went cliff jumping, snorkeling, played volleyball, and got to see fish eagles- it was a fantastic day. I met a young honeymoon couple there and the guy, Dave, introduced himself as a cycle-tourist as well. "We're not doing any cycling on this trip though," he paused. "...But I have been doing plenty of riding!" Another two days up the coast I camped in Chitimba, left the bike, and took transport up to the colonial town of Livingstonia, perched on a plateau overlooking the lake. The transport is a roughly 30 year old, throttled out land cruiser that they stuff with over a dozen people and way too much luggage. I took a day and saw the historic, colonial town center of Livingstonia. I hopped onto a walking tour that some people from the hostel were already doing. It was the standard dog and pony show and I was probably better off reading a Wikipedia page later. The guide's friend claimed that David Livingstone was never there... (Despite the town's name.) And when asked where the locals bought food, the guide went on some speech about how only wealthy foreigners can afford to feed monkeys. I spent another day seeing a waterfall with two Dutch gals. And that evening I rallied with some coffee and mixed gin drinks with two other cycletourists I met there and a Swiss gal named Naomi. After all the touristy fun, it was time to set off again. Cycling at times in Malawi could be overwhelming with how populated it is. It felt like real Africa. People hawking goods, goat carcasses hanging, and people shouting at me in who knows which language. "Welcome!" A cyclist shouted as he rode up alongside me one day. "THIS is Malawi," he said. His name was Peter and he was cycling off to the market to sell some pots and pans. Like Peter, a lot of the names are biblical and easy, some are seemingly abstract English words like: Justice, Warrant, Precious, etc... But some traditional African names I couldn't pronounce if I tried. Another cyclist introduced himself to me and instinctually I just laughed- there was no way I could produce something even close to that. It was so guttural, it was like someone gargling water whilst trying to sing. The most difficult aspect of this region though, was undoubtedly the children. Plenty of them friendly, but almost all shout "Mzungu! Give me money!" Even some adults... I would say a decent percentage genuinely believe that I will oblige. I don't know who was the mzungu cyclist that came before me, making it rain on these children, but they sure didn't make it convenient for me. Children have made even eating a difficult task. Unless I want fried intestines from one of the hanging goats, I'm pretty much limited to bringing my own food. This becomes difficult with the children however, as well as the dense population. I'll have one, maybe two opportunities per day to stop without being pursued. Even stopping just to open up a packet of biscuits is precarious, if one child spots me from even 100m away it's like a fucking zombie invasion and I have to pedal away as they immediately come in droves. It's an amazing country with amazing people though and sometimes it just outright makes me laugh. It's hard to be in a bad mood when it's 10am and there's an old drunk man in a UMichigan sweater dancing around his hut on one foot. Or how about the time a teen pulled one day pulled in front of me on his bike to race me. I let him go ahead for a minute before bursting past him and shouting "tyende!" or, let's go. His face lit up and he slammed down on the pedals- his drivetrain immediately exploded into pieces. I rode away, but with both of us laughing. Malawi is a place with very little money or development, but it's equity lies in the scenery, people, the smiles, and the lighthearted culture.

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fishermariawo · 6 years

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Dear Mark: Tick Red Meat Allergy, Seventh-day Adventists, Magnesium and Carnivory

For today’s edition of Dear Mark, I’m answering a few questions and comments from last week’s post on the carnivore diet. First, Dawn gives us the unfortunate but necessary information that it’s not just the lone star tick who causes red meat allergy. Great. Second, what are 7-Day Adventists so healthy? Is it all because of their tendency to avoid meat, or is there something else? And third, I give some more thoughts on magnesium requirements on a carnivorous diet.

Let’s go:

Dawn wrote:

It’s not just the lone star tick that causes an alpha-gal allergy, aka red meat allergy. Other ticks can cause it as well. https://ift.tt/2LC4Xfi The info about other ticks is about 3/4ths of the way down, under “Clearing up Misconceptions About Alpha-Gal.”

And to be precise, it’s an allergy to meat from non-primate mammals. Primates don’t have the alpha-gal carbohydrate, but other mammals do.

That is very good information. Unfortunate, but good to know. Thanks for the note.

Also good to know I can still eat my braised orangutan shanks even if I get an alpha-gal allergy.

Edward wrote:

The healthiest, longest lived people, now live in Loma Linda, CA. What is it that is unique about Loma Linda? They have a bunch of 7 day adventists that live there. Also, they have the highest density on earth of pure ‘vegans’ in their population.

Coincidence? Possibly, but highly unlikely.

By the way, if animal products is the only way to get vitamin B12 in the diet, where do cows, deer, zebras, great apes, ect……. get their vitamin B12? They get it from where ALL B12 really comes from……..bacteria in the soil and water. It’s just that we humans wash it off our produce and treat our drinking water.

I love the Adventists. Their diets get the most attention, but there’s a lot more to it.

Seventh-day Adventists follow Eight Laws of Health.

Eat a nutrient-dense diet. This is usually a vegetarian or vegan diet, but it doesn’t have to be.

Exercise regularly to improve mind, body, and spirit. Note the . They recognize that training is good for our cognitive and psychological function, not just for the body. That’s something that modern science is finally getting around to recognizing, and the Adventists have known for 150 years.

Drink plenty of water. While I’d take umbrage with “plenty”—just drink what you need, not some predetermined quantity—the fact that they’re drinking water and not other stuff is a point in their favor.

Spend time in sunlight. The benefits of this are numerous: vitamin D, nitric oxide, better endothelial function, sun-derived opioids coursing through their veins.

Don’t overdo the good things and avoid the bad. This rather open-ended law covers a wide range of inputs that can get in the way of health and happiness. Good things often become bad when we overdo them; bad things are, well, bad.

Breathe pure air and do so with proper technique. This is another law with double effects. It captures environmental health—you’re more likely to choose to live in a healthy, pollution-free area and spend as much time in nature as you can if you’re worried about pure air. Second, breathing properly, leading with the diaphragm, carefully heeding each inhalation and exhalation all tend to produce a state of relaxation akin to miniature meditations throughout the day.

Work hard and rest well. Not “work hard, play hard.” Not “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” Not “you only live once.” Instead of those trite and frankly counterproductive slogans, “work hard and rest well” implores you to follow the most rewarding, fruitful, and sustainable path through life and work.

The final law is to “trust in divine power as you make choices and seek inner peace.” I’ve never been religious. Yet, in a sense I have a “religious” estimation of my own tendency to make things work out. When I had a wife and two kids to support, I left my cozy gig and started my own business. It was a risk. I knew it would work though. And it did. I can imagine having the confidence that a transcendent force is pulling for you would make for a similarly robust mindset.

As for the B12 question, I’m sure someone somewhere is working hard on edible soil for humans. And there’s certainly a market for “raw water.” But what does that mean for the average person avoiding animal foods?

Are they going to drink untreated water with the perfect balance of vitamin B12 and raccoon poop? Are they going to eat enough soil-caked spinach?

I’m skeptical.

“A recent paper showed that the majority of people following a “paleolithic ketogenic diet” with at least 70% of calories from animal foods and including offal had adequate serum magnesium levels. That’s a great start. But earlier studies show that serum magnesium may not be the definitive marker. A person can have normal serum levels but inadequate tissue levels—and in the tissues is where magnesium does its work. A person can have normal serum levels but still be deficient.” Dear Mark. First: “majority people”, in fact 99.9% Second. What you write, is not real. The magnesium function depends only on the degree of glycolysis. Tissue and intracellular magnesium also depend on glycolysis. If is ketosis, very little magnesium is required. Any magnesium supplement can make a cardiac complication, sinus tachycardia, extrasystole etc. But it can cause diarrhea, warmth, sweating. Also made increased intestinal permeability and changed membrane functions. Magnesium dosage is not a game. To talk about past investigations are a professional mistake because these study made not during healthy diet. Animal fat is important in nutrition. So it is better to say a meat / animal fat-based diet, a paleo-ketogenic diet as a carnivore. The only meat is not as healthy as meat and animal fat. Anyway, the real paleolithic diet is actually paleolithic ketogenic diet or carnivorous diet. This is important for magnesium.I apologize for the bad English, I hope you understand what I wrote.

Thanks for writing, Dr. Csaba. Your English was perfectly fine. For those you didn’t pick up on it, Dr. Csaba is one of the researchers who ran the “magnesium on paleo-keto/carnivore” study I referenced last week.

You’re right that magnesium figures prominently in glucose metabolism, and that if you’re not eating much glucose, you probably don’t need as much magnesium for that purpose. After all, magnesium is used to treat many diseases and problems related to glucose metabolism. It’s effective against type 2 diabetes, protects against pre-diabetes turning into full-blown diabetes, reduces blood sugar levels, improves insulin sensitivity. Low levels seem to increase diabetic complications, and high sugar intakes do make low magnesium intakes more problematic. If glucose isn’t a major part of your diet, I can buy the assertion that you probably don’t need as much.

But magnesium does more than that. It also fights depression, reduces post-op complications, improves bone health,

The number of people who find they need to increase magnesium intake when going ketogenic, and the number of ketogenic diet writers (including me) and researchers who recommend magnesium supplementation when going keto make me wonder though. Is there something different about carnivory that reduces magnesium requirements? It can’t only be the lack of carbohydrates, because basic ketogenic diets also lack carbohydrates yet still require magnesium.

Perhaps it’s the anti-nutrients in low-carb plant foods, like nuts and greens. Dietary phytate, lectins, and oxalates can reduce magnesium absorption. A carnivorous diet has none of these compounds, making any magnesium present in the diet far more bioavailable. I can see that playing a role. Yet, what of plant (or plant-like foods, like mushrooms) foods with low anti-nutrient levels? One study found that eating high-oxalate spinach reduced magnesium absorption, while low-oxalate kale (sorry, carnivores, I know kale is your favorite nemesis) increased it.

Some people have suggested that the fiber in low-carb plants is inhibiting magnesium absorption, artificially elevating the magnesium requirements of plant eaters. While that may be true for other nutrients and different types of fiber—I’ll have to dig deeper in a future post—it looks like fermentable fiber increases magnesium absorption in humans. That assertion doesn’t really seem to jibe with the evidence.

Magnesium deficiency tends to increase low-level inflammation. To be on the safe side, any carnivores worried about magnesium deficiency and wary of magnesium supplementation could track their hs-CRP levels. If it’s elevated or begins trending upward upon going carnivore, you probably need more magnesium.

My point is let’s not be too hasty in claiming that all the benefits of magnesium supplementation are predicated on a glucose-based metabolism.

Dr. Csaba, I look forward to more research from you and your team!

Thanks for reading, everyone, and take care! I’m sure I’ll be covering more of the questions from the carnivore post, as you folks asked some good ones.

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