#i need to stop stalking his friends facebooks

[ladylooch]

Green Devil with Nico Hischier

A/N: I’m feeling a lil angsty Nico RN. Like I love fluff, but I wanted a little bit of sass from him. 

This is part of What My World Spins Around AU. Catch the rest on my masterlist here.

Word Count: 1.4k

Warning: Swearing, jealousy, lil angsty, hinting at smut cause it’s me.

Tonight, I’m living.

Someone bought my coffee in line at the drive thru this morning. Nico is home, and my best friend from high school, Connor, is in town for work. I’ve been dying for Nico and Connor to meet since we started dating, but the timing never seemed to work until Connor texted me last week that he had some time on his next trip. Once I saw Nico was in town, I jumped at the offer.

“I’m really excited for you to meet Connor!” I bubble to Nico as we walk down the sidewalk towards a trendy, Tapas bar.

“Me too.” Nico responds as he wraps an arm around my shoulder. I shiver, clutching his side to try and suck some of the warmth from his body. “Remember I need to leave by 9 though. If you want to stay later, that’s cool with me.” He grasps the handle of the door, opening it for me to walk in. He gives my ass a discreet slap as I go in front of him. I toss a suggestive look over my shoulder that he receives while biting his lip.

If I wasn’t so caught up in myself, I would have taken note of the immediate change in Nico when Connor and I rush to embrace each other. Connor wraps me in a tight hug that causes me to miss the irked expression on Nico’s face about how close his hands are to my ass.

“You look incredible.” Connor smiles widely, taking me in from head to toe. I pose for a second as a joke while he keeps his hands on my hips.

“Find a NHL captain and you too can be this happy.” I turn to Nico who has pasted a polite smile on his face that doesn’t quiet meet his eyes.  “Babe, this is Connor. Connor, Nico.”

“Hey man, nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Nico extends a hand. They shake firmly. Connor breaks first. 

“You too, man.” Connor juts his chin out in acknowledgment at Nico, then crosses his arms over his chest. “They’re just getting our table cleaned.”

“Oh, okay.” I nod. “So tell me all about Miami. I am dying to hear about your new condo.”

“Unreal views. You should come down next month. We can have a fun weekend together. Get wasted on expensive tequila like Cabo.”

“Oh my god, no.” I hide my face. 

“She legally cannot step foot in that resort again.” Connor says to Nico, snickering.

“Long story.” I shake my head, red tinging my cheeks. I’ve never told Nico about it because it’s still so cringy and embarrassing. Connor motions like he’s spewing vomiting. I slap his bicep to give him a warning. “Stop. Seriously.” 

Luckily, the host is ready to show us to our table. We spend the rest of the night chatting. Connor and I reminisce about our old high school friends we have lost touch with. We stalk their Facebook pages and Instagrams, laughing at how the more things change the more they stay the same in our hometown. Nico is quiet, but that’s normal with people he doesn’t know well. He seems to be content with fading into the background. At least I thought so.

“I think I’m going to head out.” Nico begins to put his jacket on as Connor and I look over the dessert drink menu. I turn to him, surprised. I check my Apple Watch, seeing it’s barely 8pm.

“Oh okay. Are you okay?” I ask, lowering my voice while I examining him for signs of distress. He seems fine. Maybe he’s just tired?

“Yep. Have a good night, baby.” He barely presses his lips to mine before he pulls away, leaving me with unsatisfied, puckered lips. He tells Connor it was great meeting him as he tosses a few hundred dollar bills on the table for the bill. When his body moves from beneath my fingers, I feel an uneasy chill from his absence. Something doesn’t feel right about this. Connor doesn’t notice and dives back into his persistence of me coming to visit him in Miami next month.

“Um…” I cut him off. “Sorry. I’ll be right back.” I say abruptly, grabbing my coat and purse before rushing to the front of the restaurant. The cold air blasts me, stealing my breath as I look to the left where Nico is about to turn into the parking lot.

“Nico.” I call after him, hustling to catch up with his long strides. “What is up with you?” I ask him breathlessly, reaching for his hand and pulling him to a stop. “And what was that kiss?” I wrinkle my nose in displeasure.

“I’m just tired. It’s been a long week.” His shoulders are rolled inwards as he talks to me, grimacing against the cold wind whipping down at us. I sigh, not liking the way he looks above my head.

“Neeks, you seem upset with me.”

“I’m not.” He shrugs, licking his lips and continuing to avoid eye contact. I cross my arms at his chilly attitude. A realization comes over me at the slight scowl on his face.

“Are you… jealous?” I ask with a small smile.

“No, just… have fun with your friend.” He scoffs, shoving his hands in his pockets. He looks away from me and down the street. I can see his jaw tense as he grits his teeth.

“Wow….” I trail off with a breezy laugh. I step closer, biting my bottom lip. “You look pretty green for red being your team’s color.” I set my hands on his hips, wrapping my arms around his back. I secure myself to him tightly, resting my chin on his chest so I’m looking up at his face. “Babe, look at me.” I soften my voice so he knows I’m done teasing. He licks his lips exasperatedly, then turns his sour, scrunched face to me. I raise my eyebrows, signaling I’m waiting.

“Fuck yeah I’m jealous.” He finally scoffs out. At least he wraps his hands around me, pushing me tighter to him.

“Why?” I can’t even begin to fathom why he feels that way. He’s the sweetest, handsomest, dreamiest man I have ever laid eyes on.  

“I feel like he knows you better than me. And I hate that.” I snort, leaning forward to press my forehead to his chest. Nico silently watches me when I pull back.

“Every one of those jokes and stories are from before you.” I pause, waiting for him to soften. When he doesn’t, I continue. “He knows nothing about me anymore. You’re my life now. Not high school football games and Applebee’s late night happy hour.”

“But Miami?” He rolls his eyes.

“I won’t go. It’s obviously bothering you, so it’s not worth it. You’re my priority.”

We stare at each other until Nico finally sighs, looking away at the busy street behind me. I get closer, onto my tip toes, then tenderly pressing my lips on his throat. People pass around us, the world continuing on as we hold each other. I work my mouth up to the nook of his shoulder and neck. I open my mouth a little more, sucking his skin into my mouth. His shoulders relax, head meeting mine as his hands grip my back tighter. I pull away just before I mark him, pressing my nose to the wet spot. I run my hand across his shoulder to the back of his neck and cradle his head. A heavy exhale from him ends our hug.

“Okay.”

“Will you come back with me?” 

“No, but you should stay. For real. Spend time with him… then come home to me.” His eyes darken with hunger as he brushes my hair behind my ear, holding my cheek. I watch as he closes his eyes, then leans down to capture our lips together. This is the kiss I needed from him earlier. He sucks my bottom lip into his mouth, running his tongue along the plumped skin. I’m intoxicated when we pull apart. I stare at the lapels of his jacket.

“Maybe… I wanna come home now.” He smirks at me as I pull my phone out and text Connor a quick lie. “I’m suddenly soooo sick.” Nico leans his head back to laugh towards the sky.

“Let’s go needy girl.”

#nico hischier #nico hischier blurb #nico hischier fic #hockey writing #my writing #nhl fan fiction #new jersey devils

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

wibta if i showed up to someone's house unannounced to get closure?

cw: brief s/a mention, kidnapping, stalking but not in detail 

ok, so I (30F) had a years long very close friendship with A (30F) when we were in school. close to us graduating high school, she met K (M, 31) and they started dating. K gave me weird vibes (he made r*** jokes and was kind of a fuckboy) but she liked him so it was whatever.  Fast forward to us graduating high school. I leave the state for a several months and an injury brings me back. A and I are still friends and I find out she broke up with K. She also tells me that when they were dating he s/a'd her while she was drunk (but she "didn't mind/it wasn't r*** cuz she "couldn't feel it and he was gentle"), kidnapped her from a party to "take care of her while she was drunk", and stalked her house. I was very upset and immediately hated this guy. But I also noticed that for some reason she was trying very hard to get him back (ie dressing up like one of his favorite youtubers (who had a very distinct and gimmicky style), dying her hair, just generally being...different). I have to leave the state again. 

I find out later that A and K are dating a year later. I'm infuriated and tell her I don't like him, that the thought of him makes me physically ill (I had undiagnosed anxiety at the time), and how can she date him when he did all those things to her. she tells me that he got therapy and that he's really nice to her now and that she's happy. she also tells me that her mom kicked her out of the house because they were dating (mom didn't like her either). Anyway, I tell A that I love her and that I still want to see her when I visit home / talk to her / etc but the stipulation is that K can't be there because I will probably be physically nauseated the whole time. she tells me i need to respect her dating decisions, but that she'll keep him out of our interactions.

a few years later (we're still talking on an off, but not a ton), i am about to leave the country. i contact her again and apologize for not respecting her decisions and that i was only reacting to the things she told me about him. she says it's okay. fast forward i leave the country, have to reset my phone, and in the process lose her number. i try to contact her a few times via facebook but she doesn't answer me. several months go by, nothing. i get the "read by" message though, so i know she's on facebook. i also find out that she and K had a "picturesque" fairytale theme wedding and i can only look at one picture before getting sick to my stomach again. i decide to cut my losses and let the friendship be over. 

here's where the stupid thing starts. since we stopped talking, i've had at least 10 dreams a year about her. i've gotten therapy (not for this situation specifically but i've talked about it in therapy), written/torn up a symbolic "letter" to her, blocked her on all my socials, made good friends, gotten married to a loving spouse (who is my best friend!), have a job i love, and am pretty happy now. and really don't think of A anymore. but for some reason, the dreams persist and make me very frustrated. they're always about us rekindling our friendship or me apologizing to her about things. i've tried ignoring the dreams, accept that they're just my subconscious processing things, accept that the subconscious is just being fuckin weird, etc. i've basically moved on from this whole situation except for these god damn dreams. 

now here's where i might be the asshole. i looked her up online because the dreams were driving me crazy. it doesn't have her cell number but it does have a new address that might belong to her. i'm going to my home state next month. i haven't talked to her since 2017. aita if i showed up to her house unannounced to verify with my own eyes that she's okay and happy and maybe get closure? if that's even what i need? is there a better way to stop having these dreams?  

please tag as "dragonfly" so i can find the post later. thank you in advance to anyone with advice. 

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #rape cw

[anathemaspeaks]

anathema's prompt list

welcome to my blog! request the prompt number and category you'd like, and i'll write a scenario for it! you can pick multiple prompts from multiple categories, too.

go ahead and flood my inbox 💋

fluff:

"can i borrow your sweater?"

"falling in love with you wasn't a part of my life plan, but i don't regret that i did."

"it's okay, i couldn't sleep anyway."

"you're blushing." "am not!"

"i wish you were here with me."

"dance with me!"

"is that my shirt?"

"i didn't know you're ticklish."

"your lips are really warm."

"why are you looking at me like that?"

"can i count your freckles?"

"you're home."

"delete that! i look disgusting."

"your flirting is so bad it's adorable."

"would you just shut up and kiss me already?"

"no, i’m not letting you go. it’s too early to get out of bed."

"i really wanna kiss you right now."

"you look so cute when you laugh."

"can i at least shut the door before you decide to pounce on me the moment i come home."

"i'll keep you warm. hold me closer."

“when do you think help will come?” “not for a while. i guess we’re stranded here alone for the time being.”

"apparently all our friends have a bet going that we end up together."

"quit looking at me, you’re making me nervous."

"do you know how to knock?"

"if we get caught, its your fault!”

"do you know you snore?"

"stop threatening me with a good time!”

"because i'm in love with you, dumbass!"

or send me your own!

angst:

"were you ever going to tell me?"

"i'm done trying to help you."

"sorry doesn't fix everything."

"you didn't call. you didn't text. nothing."

"i can't do this anymore."

"you said you'd always be there for me..."

"did it ever occur to you that you're hurting me, too?"

"i guess we just weren't meant to be."

"i never stopped loving you."

"it's me - please don't hang up!"

"please don't leave me, not again."

"do you even still love me?"

"don't worry, because i'm not coming back!"

"you can go to hell."

"i know you still love me."

"hey, look at me."

"don't do this here."

"can you kiss me? one last time?"

"am i too late?"

"i wish i never met you."

or send me your own!

cliches:

"do you trust me?"

high school sweethearts who broke up but then he shows up in town again.

you need a hot date for this wedding.

hiding during a mission and he pulls you so close you're almost kissing.

you call at 3 am because you need him.

"i've been in love with you for years."

you're stubborn and won't take your jacket, so he gives you his.

you choose to wear your heels but they're uncomfortable and you refuse to admit it.

he catches you stalking his mom's facebook.

having a pillow fight and it ends in a makeout.

he steals your panties and you catch him.

or send me your own!

smut:

"i'm not wearing any panties."

"not here. do you wanna get caught?"

"add another finger."

"you're so cold. lemme warm you up."

"aw, don't worry baby. i'll make it fit."

"you're so pretty like this."

"what are you gonna do about it?"

"sorry! i didn't know you were changing."

"i can't tell whether i want to make you bleed or moan."

"i hate that you're mad at me, but you look so hot right now."

"i don't bite... unless you're into that."

"spank me. please."

"say my name. louder."

"you have to be quiet if you want to cum tonight."

"just shut up and fuck me."

or send me your own!

#anathema writes #bnha #bnha x reader #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #mha #mha x reader #jjk #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jjk x you #jujutsu x reader #jjk anime #anime #fairytail #fairy tail #fairy tail anime #bleach anime #bleach x reader #fairytail x reader #bleach

[pervysenpaix]

Just wanted to say you’ve ruined me because now I can’t stop thinking about bully! Midoriya who doesn’t even know he’s bullying you.

Wants to be friends so bad he won’t leave you alone and keeps harassing you with personal info he’s gathered on you because besties share secrets right? Never once does it cross his mind that it’s stalking when he goes out his way to get as much information as possible without your permission or knowledge

Bestfriend!/Bully!Midoriya because can you really tell the difference ?

There was no avoiding it.

It was inevitable really.

From the moment you were introduced to the group he knew he had to have you.

See— Midoriya has a bit of an obsession. He collects friends similarly to his AllMight figurines. Keeps them all in his tight little platonic harem. Regardless of their interests or feelings, if Midoriya’s gemstone gaze lingers on a person for more than a few seconds then it’s been decided. They’re friends now.

There were no exceptions to this rule.

Not even you.

Kacchan may have saved you from his badgering the first night but let’s be honest—there’s no hiding from the number one.

It starts of small. Adding you on social media. That’s simple enough. All it took was cross referencing mutual friends followers. It was slightly upsetting to see you following Kacchan but not him. But Hey! It’s okay ! You guys just met… he just needs to break the ice.

He gets kind of annoyed when you don’t follow back immediately but maybe it’s because you don’t recognize his personal account allmightbemydad ™️ , so he follows you on the official ProHero!Deku account but it’s still crickets …

That’s fine. He’ll just text you ! How’d he get your number you asked? Oh, he just asked around! A friend of a friend. That’s what he told you, but he actually found your place of employment from Facebook then hacked into the system to get all of your personal information like cellphone, address , DOB , blood type

Did you really think a dry text thread was enough to deter him ? Not at all , because if you don’t want to text then you probably want to talk right ? That’s fine ! He actually prefers face to face contact !

He’ll stop by your house with your favorite things and a big smile. Guilt tripping you because who wouldn’t let the #1 hero in after he’s gone through all of this effort ?

Guess you’ll be having a movie night! Don’t be so stiff! Loosen up its fine you’re just besties hanging out. Smile for the camera, love. #4lifers.

Now the media frenzy starts.

Who’s that ?

Are they dating ?

What’s their name ?

What’s their quirk ?

I wish I were them …

It’s endless and overwhelming. You wanna be anywhere but this situation but Deku doesn’t give you the chance.

ProHero!Deku just went live.

Midoriya was so giddy at the influx of questions about his bestie and he was more than happy to answer them. Surprising even you with answers to things that you’d never even mentioned before.

You might feel the need to pull away but I’d suggest against it. You’ll just end up with blunt fingernails digging into your arm and a tight lipped smile from Deku. He’ll kiss your temple and whisper “play nice”.

Kacchan can’t do anything but shake his head at the stream, watching the forced smile adorning your lips.

Another one bites the dust.

@mhathotfic I just want you to know that you’ve got the wheels spinning and I’m about to dive off the deep end so prepare yourself.

#platonic mha #bestfriend!izuku #bestfriend!deku #they were friends #not lovers #history hates lovers #yandere deku #yandere mha #yandere izuku midoriya

[crashdevlin]

Losses and Gains 3- From the Rooftops

Author’s Note: This is the third chapter of Losses and Gains, the second part of To Have it All. This is Something More...from Jensen's side!

Summary: Jensen spirals. No one can stop him. no one can steal his focus.

Pairing:  Jensen x Reader, background Reader x Tom Hiddleston

Word count: 3210

Story Warnings: open marriage, mentions of depression and heartbreak, bad things, alcohol as a crutch, anger, fighting

~~~

I’m not sure how I missed the fact that I was starting to spiral, but I was convinced that I was dealing with my depression in a completely reasonable and healthy way. I was lying to myself, but I just couldn’t see that. Dee could. Jared could. Doc Jamison could…oh, and he was vocal about it, judgmental.

“Don’t you think you’re being a little selfish with how you’re acting?” he asked.

I shrugged, looking at the door, wishing I was out in the hall with Danneel. “No. I’m mourning. How’s that selfish?”

“You don’t have a reason to be mourning.”

My eyes went wide at his words, and I turned to look at him. “I don’t?”

“She’s not family. She’s not really a friend. She was a coworker, but she’s not even that anymore, is she? She ran off as soon as she was able. Do you think, perhaps, she knew how toxic this situation was?” I held back a growl and looked away, my jaw tight. “Why are you still in denial of it, Jensen?”

“I’m not in denial, you ass,” I snapped. “I’m in love…and I’m allowed to be, okay?”

“No, you aren’t,” he said, and it felt like I was frustrating him. “You were never supposed to fall in love with her in the first place. You have a loving wife who allowed you to have a sexual relationship with another woman, something that most women would never allow, and you have convinced yourself that you have fallen in love with her. Well, you’ve lost Y/n, Jensen. She broke off your arrangement because it was horrible for everyone involved. You need to move on before you lose Danneel, too.”

“I’m not gonna lose Danneel,” I argued. “That’s fuckin’ stupid.”

If I’d listened to him, if I’d been able to get out of my head, maybe I would have been able to fix it, but…I couldn’t do it. I went home after that doctor’s appointment, and I poured myself a glass of Glenmorangie, and I sat myself down in my office, and I pulled out my phone, and I started scrolling. I started on Instagram, swiping through every picture she’d posted. A pit formed in my stomach when I saw her posting pictures of her and her Marvel costars. The way he looked at her. The way he touched her shoulder. The way she smiled in every shot with him. I wasn’t even seeing the others anymore. Tom fuckin’ Hiddleston was the only one in the pictures with her.

Dee was in the doorway watching me for a good long time before I picked up the bottle and poured another glass. “What?” I snapped, tired. I was so tired.

She let out a sad little gasp and stepped into the office. “Birdie was asking if we could go for a picnic tomorrow. Not a hike, just a picnic in the park. What do you think of that?”

“I don’t know. I’m leavin’ tomorrow night and-”

“And that’s why we would have to do it tomorrow. We could do it for lunch.” I rolled my eyes and took a drink of scotch. “Please, Jensen.”

I was consumed by anger and depression, but I knew I couldn’t say ‘no’. So I nodded. “Tomorrow. I’ll make sandwiches.” Dee kissed my cheek and left with a ‘thank you’. I kept drinking, stalking Y/n’s social media until I found my way to her Facebook and ancient pictures of her and Nate. God, what did she see in him? Scrawny, scraggly, no-dick piece of shit. At least Tom wasn’t this ugly…and he was supposed to be a good guy.

I fell asleep on the recliner in my office, but I got up and had a drink before I went to the kitchen and started to make sandwiches. We went to the park, had lunch, and I tried to focus on the kids because I could barely look at Danneel. Every time I looked at her, my mind told me that she was the reason I felt so much loss.

I slept in the guest room that night. Last chance to sleep with Dee before I left for Vancouver, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I got drunk, passed out in the guest room, and then I left for the airport in the morning with barely a ‘goodbye’. I had a Jack and Coke on the plane…and then another, and another. I stopped drinking two hours before touchdown, but I was lit by then. I was still drunk by the time I climbed into the SUV.

The condo was big…cold…dark…and it felt empty. I noticed that Y/n’s thick coat was gone as soon as I opened the door. I didn’t have to keep searching to know that she’d already been by to grab her things, but I did. I walked through and made note of every single piece of her that she took from me. Every piece of Y/n that Dee took from me. There wasn’t a lot of Y/n’s stuff there, but it was enough that I could see empty spots. I could see her absence. Every room I walked through got me lower and lower. I noticed she left her toothbrush in her rush to get out…and a little 3 oz bottle of her favorite perfume on the sink. It was half empty, but when I picked it up and held it to my nose, I got lost in all these memories of her.

I laid out on the bed and cried like a fucking baby. I cried myself to sleep.

I could barely pull myself out of bed to get to the studio the following day. I had a beer for breakfast before I even got dressed. Clif shook his head at me, but he didn’t say a word. Jared was another story.

“You look like shit, dude.”

“Thanks,” I responded, trying to sound sarcastic.

“Not sure the makeup team can cover those dark circles.”

“They do it for Misha all the time.”

“Come on, man, you gotta buck up.” He reached over and lightly punched my arm, and I looked up at him.

“Buck up? That’s your advice here?”

“My advice is to get the fuck over it,” he said, dropping his voice so others on the lot couldn’t hear him. “And get over it now because she’s coming up behind you, and if you make this hard for her, I’m gonna make the makeup team have to cover some bruises.”

I went stiff as Jared stepped around me, a big smile on his face. “Y/n! What are you doing here? They bring you back already?” I could see him go for a hug out of the corner of my eye, and I wanted so bad to be able to hug her, too, but all I could do was train my facial expression and slowly turn around.

“I’m just here to drop off Jensen’s key before I head back to the states.”

“You could have left it in the apartment, you know?” Jared teased. “Always making shit more complicated than necessary.”

She looked down as she pulled out of the hug, some of that old shyness sparking in her eyes. “I didn’t think about that,” she said, digging into her pocket. I was hoping that she didn’t leave it behind because she wanted to see me again, but the way she refused to meet my eyes told me it was wishful dreaming. She offered the key to me, and I looked away as I took it from her…and then I walked away. I didn’t say anything to her. I didn’t beg her to see the pain in my eyes. I just walked away.

~~~

Things didn’t get better. I was lost. It wasn’t long before I was drinking ‘til I blacked out every night and having the hair of the dog the next morning to get myself going. I’d go to call her after I finished shooting for the night, and as soon as I remembered I couldn’t call her, that she shacked up with Loki, I put down the phone and picked up a bottle instead.

I wasn’t dealing. I was stewing about Dee, only talking to her over text and ignoring her when she called. So, of course, she called Jared. Of course, he made the bad choice to come up to me when I was looking at an InTouch magazine with Y/n on the cover. Y/n and Tom, on the roof of some restaurant in Atlanta. She looked so flustered, just from holding his hand. Fuck. She used to look at me like that.

“Why the fuck aren’t you answering your phone?” Jared stomped up to me, snatching the magazine out of my hand.

“What are you talkin’ about? I answer my phone all the time.”

“Oh, so you just send your wife to voicemail?” I rolled my eyes and reached for the magazine. I wanted to read the paps’ completely correct theories about Tom and Y/n. He moved out of the way, and I stood up, trying to get it. He moved it out of my reach. “Why aren’t you answering Danneel’s calls?”

“Because I don’t wanna talk to her!”

“She’s your wife!”

“She’s the bane of my existence, right now!” I bit back. Jared’s eyes seemed to flash black. He was a bundle of anger and rage so fucking quick.

He looked down at the magazine in his hand and practically growled as he tossed it across the soundstage. He wrapped his hand in the flannel I was wearing and swung my body around like I was a fucking ragdoll until he had me pressed against the closest wall. "I'm getting really fucking sick of this shit, Ackles. Do you have any idea how Y/n would feel about the way you're acting right now?"

"Get the fuck off of-"

"She would be fucking pissed at you," he snapped, pressing me harder into the wall. Dude's big. I couldn’t have done much against him even if I weren’t still drunk. "She never wanted to be a problem in your marriage. You promised her that she wasn’t going to get in between you and Dee. She's not even here, and she's causing you to act like a fucking fool."

"I'm not a-"

"You are throwing away everything, you fucking dumbass, on a woman who isn't even with you anymore!"

"Whose fault is that?! Who chased her out of my life, huh?"

"She gave you permission, and she's allowed to take it back. She-"

"That's not fair! That's not fair to anyone-"

"That's life! Your wife, who you usually love and adore, decided she wasn't comfortable anymore, and you fucking ignored her until she took it into her own fucking hands. Consent given doesn't mean consent forever.” I grabbed at his wrist, but he just shook his head and released me. “Call your wife, set up an appointment with your counselor, and leave the bottle alone, you understand me? Fucking dumbass.”

I watched him walk away, ignoring the stagehands and PAs staring at us in shock. They'd keep quiet about it, but God damn. Was Jared trying to start fucking rumors across the studio? I looked at the magazine, then pulled my phone out.

"You gotta stop calling Jared on me. If I don't wanna talk, I don't have to."

"Jay. Come on. You can't just ignore me about-"

"I fuckin' can. Because just like you were allowed to say whatever the fuck you wanted to say to Y/n, I'm allowed to decide not to talk to you until I'm done being pissed off about what you did. And this isn't helping anything, you know? Badgering me is going to have the opposite effect of the one you're going for."

"I'm not badgering you," she snapped. "I'm just getting tired of chasing you!"

"Then stop!" I snapped as I walked toward my trailer. "Dee, I'm not going to be able to let this go if you keep pissing me off every other day."

"I'm so sorry that me trying to save our marriage pisses you off so fucking much! When you decide you want to talk to me again, just let me know."

Then she hung up on me. Part of me was angry at her audacity, but mostly I was happy that I wouldn't have to worry about dodging her calls for a while. I was being a dick, but I couldn’t see past how I was feeling. Something in my brain wouldn't let me see how I was fucking everything up. I wanted to feel how I felt, and nothing was going to get in the way of that, not Dee and not Jared and definitely not Dr. Douchebag.

~~~

Things with Jared were tense for the next couple of weeks, especially after he came to me to show a post some fan made, accusing me of cheating on Dee with Y/n. The fan obviously didn't know what went down, but they got really fucking close with their guesses. As soon as I read it, I knew Y/n must be freaking out, but I couldn't bring myself to do the same. Part of me wanted the whole thing out in the open, so I could get some support from somewhere, even if it was from the fans who would agree with me no matter what I did.

Jared was watching me, expectantly, as I read through the post. I'm sure he thought I'd freak out too, but I just shrugged. "Who gives a fuck?"

"Are you kidding me?"

"It's a bunch of allegations from a fan who said, themselves, that they hope they're crazy."

"This is right on the edge of you being caught. Don't you care about the rules anymore?"

"I'm not gonna get caught because I'm not doing anything. Tell Y/n it doesn't fucking matter," I said, completely dismissing him as I walked away from him to go sulk in my trailer for a few minutes. "This is the stupidest shit. Still gotta be worried about getting caught when I don't even have her anymore."

I started pacing. What other option did I have to get the angry energy out? I wasn't supposed to drink because that's selfish. I wasn’t supposed to sulk because that's selfish. I wasn’t supposed to feel because that's fucking selfish! So I paced, and I got angrier...and then I took a drink. Not a strong one or a big one...just enough of a beer to get me level so I could shoot my next scenes.

"I got her to calm down," Jared said when I got back to the Bunker set. "But she's fucking worried about you."

"I appreciate the concern, but I'm fine."

"That why you smell like beer? Cause you're fine?"

I clicked my tongue against my teeth and turned away. "How about you and Y/n mind your own damn business, and I'll mind mine?"

"You are my business, Ackles, and if you're acting like an idiot because of Y/n, then it's her business too."

I shook my head. "Actually, it's not. I'm fine. Whether I've gotta have a bit of something to help me through the day or not, it doesn’t matter because I'm making it through. I'm doing my job, so why don't you focus on yours?" I asked, pointedly, as Phil Sgriccia settled into his chair.

Jared just shook his head at me.

~~~

A couple of days later, a week at the most, I got done shooting and grabbed my phone. I hovered my thumb over Y/n’s contact for a minute, thinking about calling her, checking on her, professing my love again and hoping she'd care, or even just to tell her I forgave her and hoped she would extend the same courtesy...but I didn’t. I parked my ass on one of the stools at the breakfast bar in my trailer and Googled her name. Not in a stalker way, just to check up on her and her career.

A dozen tabloid articles popped up. "Tom Hiddleston Declares Love For Marvel Costar" and "What We Know About Tom and Y/n" and "Tom Shocks Fans With Facebook Post". I clicked on whatever the Daily Mail wrote and was taken to Tom’s Facebook page. I gasped a little at the picture of Y/n. It was obviously taken without her knowledge and definitely shared without her permission. She was in just an oversized black t-shirt, not hers. She was standing in a hotel room, looking out the floor-to-ceiling window, wearing just his fucking shirt...and he posted that for the world to see.

Under the picture was a block of text.

6 months ago saw a rewrite to the Marvel Cinematic Shorts Anthology script, which brought a new minor character. Kevin Feige knew who he wanted in the role before the script was even done being altered; a relatively unknown actress with a single acting credit to her name- y/f/n y/l/n. I was immediately drawn to the woman and asked her for drinks before we’d finished in Hair and Makeup the morning I met her. I’d fallen in love before the week was out. Y/n is a private woman, not used to being so in the public eye, so I acceded to her request for discretion, portraying myself as her friend whenever someone might be looking. I tried to convince her several times that we should go public over the past 2 months and she dismissed each attempt. This morning I discovered the reason. She’s expecting I will leave. She doesn’t want anyone profiting on her heartbreak or to give them a reason to judge or, worse, pity her. But I’m not planning to leave. I have no desire to be another on her short list of past relationships. I’ve resisted the urge to shout the truth of my heart from the rooftops, but no longer. I’m in love with this sweet Southern woman and leaving her is not an option for my heart.

I read it twice, my heart pounding in my ears. As pissed as I was when she walked away, it was nothing compared to the rage I felt reading that post. He told the world. He shouted his love from social media rooftops. He praised her in public in a way I could never have done. They were real. They were going to last. As I imagined the marriage proposal that was sure to come and be announced in a similar public fashion in the next few months, I couldn’t hold the anger back anymore. My phone hit the fridge door, denting the stainless steel and breaking into a hundred pieces of glass, plastic, and electrical components. Since it was closest, the Kuerig was next to fly, hitting the TV and creating a spiderweb of cracks across the screen. I grabbed the stool next, bashing it into the floor over and over until I lost the steam of my anger, and I dropped to the floor to pant and let out a few angry tears...which turned into me sobbing on the floor among my broken belongings.

#cassie writes stuff #spn rpf #jensen x reader #jensen x danneel #angst #depression #marriage counseling

[garciaasfluffypen]

bright beginnings pt. 3

so many things have happened that led me here, and i’m glad they did because i don’t know what i’d be doing if i wasn’t here. 

pairing: single dad!joseph quinn x fem!reader  wc: 1.3k  warnings: swearing i guess? nothing drastic

part two • part four

“where’s jordan?”

“in her room on the phone with shawn, is everything okay?”

“i need to talk to her.”

without as much as a hello to your aunt, you kicked off your sneakers barely remembering to take off your purse and put it next to the front door before tripping your way upstairs, stopping abruptly in front of your cousin’s door. jordan was your life line. and in times like this one, where you didn’t know what the fuck to do, she was the person you needed to talk to.

“jordan.” knock knock knock, “jordan.” knock knock knock. “jordan.” knock knock--

jordan spoke up through the closed door. “can it wait?”

“it's a lowkey sos moment.”

“shit, shawn i’ll call you back babe, okay? okay, love you.” moments later, the door flew open. “are you okay?”

you pushed past your cousin, sitting on her bed. “i think my boss is flirting with me.”

“i’m sorry… what?”

“and i might have invited him out for drinks on friday.”

jordan pulled a face, trying to wrap her mind around everything. “i feel like we skipped ten chapters here.”

“i only met him this morning.”

“yes, we definitely missed some chapters. i’ll fetch the bacardi, yeah? tell me everything.”

jordan reached down into her wardrobe drawer, pulling out a bottle of bacardi she kept in there for times like this. she sat down on the bed next to you, both of you sitting criss-cross applesauce as your knees touched. she poured herself a nice glass of coke, or as jordan liked to call it, a fizzy, the bacardi going in seconds later. as that was happening, you were trying to figure out where to begin. she had known you were working at the daycare for a while, about five months now to be exact, but to what extent your job was, you weren't sure she knew.

“where do you want me to start?”

“from the beginning.”

“okay but like, the beginning beginning, or the beginning?”

“just tell me the story already!” she playfully pushed your shoulder.

“so, bright beginnings. i got hired what, five months ago now? by a dude named john. old dude, probably should have retired years ago, old. but he’s sweet, you know? lovely little fella.”

“yes, i was there the day you came home, i happened to be back from class early.”

“right. so flash forward to probably about two weeks ago, without warning this dude just retires. i mean, good for him but like, yikes. so me and the girls, our group chat is blowing up because we don’t have a boss, right?”

“right.”

“wrong.” you smirked. “unbeknownst to us, john had talked to his family friend’s ex husband to take over the daycare.”

“and he’s your new boss?”

“correct. so we didn’t know if we even had a boss for a while but like, we knew someone had stepped in because the office door was closed and john never closed the door. those two weeks go by and guess who gets sick today.”

“uh….”

“the twins. the ones that i adore. riley got sick. came down with a fever today. so i had to call her dad because her mom is an absolute piece of shit.”

“yes, we’ve been over this quite a few times.”

“you’ll never guess who her dad is.”

“a famous movie star?”

“no!” you hit her leg excitedly. “he’s the fucking boss!”

“no way.”

“yes way. he was stuck in the office working on get this, divorce papers.”

“okay, so he’s single. what’s his name, lets look him up.”

“joe. uh.. joe quinn. are you sure you want to-”

“i know i want to, darling. i’m the queen of facebook stalking- oh my fucking god, he is hot!”

you looked over to jordan’s phone, which had his facebook pulled up. his profile picture was him with the twins, and his banner was a picture of what seemed to be the three of them on a walk, but it was most definitely professionally taken. he had a few public posts, mainly about the daycare and how much progress it was making, and a few from what looked to be his university days. the first thing jordan did was go to his about me section, scrolling straight to when his birthday was. january 26th. an aquarius. a lot of his public tagged posts were with either julia from when they were together- and it seemed she had already forgone quinn and went back to her maiden name - and a few from a guy named wesley. before you could protest, jordan clicked on wesley’s profile, going straight to his feed. it seemed he was close to wesley, as he was in a lot of the pictures with the twins as well.

“so he’s single, has kids and has a social life. good to know.”

“and he’s hot! what’s stopping you, y/n?” jordan looked over to you with a wild look in her eyes.

“he’s my boss, jordan, that’s what.”

“then why are you flirting with him?”

“i don’t know!” you dramatically flopped back onto the bed, your arm draping over your eyes. “i really don’t know! i’ve never done this before.”

“flirted? i damn well know you’ve flirted with multiple men before.”

“flirted with my boss, jor. i don’t know what’s gotten into me! and fuck, i invited him out with the girls on friday and-”

“okay so it’s not just the two of you, the girls are going?”

“as of right now, it's me, lucille and lauren for sure. probably donna too, but she left earlier than we did so we’re not sure.”

“think of it this way, you can use it as an excuse to get to know your boss better.”

“over drinks?”

“did he say yes?”

“well he didn’t say no…” you trailed off. “fuck, he’s coming to drinks on friday isn’t he?”

“i’d like to think he would be, but you’ll have to tell me. you’re not backing out of this now, you invited him!”

“i’m not gonna back out of it.”

“this is you, y/n, you were gonna. i know that tone of voice.”

you rolled your eyes, pushing yourself up. “fine. i was gonna say last minute we had a family thing. fuck you for knowing me too well.”

“fuck you for being friends with me since we were two.” jordan rolled her eyes. “well, i’m beat, i’m going to bed.”

“no you’re not,” you gave jordan a pointed look as you walked to the door. “you’re gonna go stalk his facebook.”

“yeah, you’re right. i’ll let you know if i find anything important!”

                                                            ---

the morning came too fast for your liking, and you pulled up to bright beginnings nice and early, seeing as you were one of the three girls who were full time. you all took turns doing opening shifts, and lucky you, today was your day. it appeared you had gotten here before joe and the twins, meaning you had time to check your makeup and make sure you looked decent without being judged.

that was, until you heard a set of familiar giggles coming up the way.

“riley! thomas!” you bent down to their level and let them run into your arms. “good morning my angels!”

“sorry, i looked down for one second to try and find my keys and they took off running.”

“good thing i was here, huh?” you looked up to joe. “oh i already have my keys out, don’t worry. i just got here to open.”

“alright, angels, lets let ms. y/n open the door, okay? come to daddy.”

you got the door open and the kids ran inside, leaving you and joe. you looked at him, realizing in that moment he wasn’t wearing one of his normal suits.

“you’re wearing jeans.”

joe laughed. “can’t run after the fastest mile holder in a designer suit, now can i?” he paused. “you do your opening stuff, i’ll go play with the kids for a few. take your time, yeah?”

“yeah. i will.”

you went around to the desk to grab everything you need, a sly smile forming as you watched joe go into the play area to play with the kids.

yeah, you were fucked.

#joseph quinn x y/n #joseph quinn x reader #joseph quinn x you #joseph quinn rpf #an i (queue) of 187 #bright beginnings universe

[ahdriking]

Okay okay okay now I need 5 times Kinn got jealous of Porsche’s exes…

Pwetty pwease 🥺

You want jealous kinn? I give you jealous Kinn

The first time it happens, Kinn doesn't realise until it's already over. One minute they're idly browsing aisles in a clothing store, the next there is a chirpy little redhead shouting Porsche's name and excitedly babbling at him like they're the closest of old friends. Kinn raises an eyebrow, but keeps perusing, trusting Porsche to be able to handle it.

He's surprised when he sees Porsche smile and hug the woman.

"Who was she?" He asks, after the woman has left, a long conversation later.

"Oh, uh," Porsche rubs at the back of his neck, awkwardly. "An ex, actually. From highschool."

Kinn's world grounds to a halt.

Of course, Porsche had been straight until he'd met Kinn. Of course his exes were female. Kinn hadn't thought about it. It hadn't occurred to him to think about it.

Once he has, he doesn't stop.

And neither do the exes.

It happens again when Porsche has a memory appear on his facebook timeline, a grainy old photo of him and some woman in a dark club, the caption saying something about celebrating an anniversary. Porsche has his arm around her waist, and her body is pressed so close against him there's no space between them at all. Kinn stares at it on Porsche's phone with something ugly twisting in his stomach, before he deletes it and throws the device away. He fumes for the rest of the day.

The next time is at a bar. One of the woman sitting there when they walk in calls over to Porsche when she sees them, and Porsche is ducking off to say hi before Kinn can grab him and keep him the hell away from her. He ends up following Porsche over to the bar and sliding into a seat beside him, patently refusing to acknowledge the woman in any way.

When she laughs at something Porsche has said, she reaches over and her long, manicured fingers curl around Porsche's wrist.

Kinn accidentally spills his drink on her.

"Sorry," he says, passing her a napkin. It won't help get the whiskey out of her white dress.

When she disappears to the bathroom, Kinn drags Porsche away to a more private part of the club. He spends the rest of the night with Porsche half pulled on his lap, making out far more than was strictly appropriate in public, just in case the woman was still out there watching them.

Kinn wanted her to know exactly who Porsche belonged to. Kinn wanted her to know that he was the only one allowed to touch.

The final straw comes on one of their date nights. They're at Porsche's favourite restaurant, and Kinn ducks out only for a moment to go to the restroom. She's already there when he gets back.

The woman is hot. Of course she is, Kinn shouldn't be surprised, Porsche was an attractive man. Of course his ex would be hot. But it's not that which makes his blood run hot with mounting anger. No, it's the way she leans onto the table and presses her arms together to emphasize her breasts, it's the way she throws her head back and tosses her hair when she laughs, curling a loose strand around her finger. It's the way she's fucking flirting with his boyfriend so blatantly she might as well be up on the table with her legs spread.

Kinn sets his jaw and stalks back towards their table, nearly knocking a waiter and a tray full of drinks over in his singleminded pursuit.

"Porsche," Kinn snaps, standing behind his chair and placing a hand on his shoulder. Firmly. "We're leaving."

"What?" Porsche asks, sounding surprised. "Kinn, this is--"

"Now."

He steers Porsche out of the club while the woman is still sitting there, speechless, looking like she's been slapped. Serves her right, Kinn thinks bitterly. And then he slams Porsche into the nearest wall.

"The fuck was that little display?" He growls, low and dangerous in Porsche's ear.

He hears Porsche swallow thickly. Kinn feels his body stiffen. "She was just being friendly. Saying hi. Like a normal person."

"If she's seen your body," Kinn snarls, "If she's had it, then she was not being friendly."

Porsche shoves at him, but Kinn is immovable against his chest. "Not everyone is as horny as you."

Kinn scoffs and, for good measure, cups him through his trousers, making him jerk in sudden surprise. Kinn can feel him twitch through the material. "No?" He asks. "Sure about that?"

"Jealous bastard," Porsche snaps, before he darts forward and steals a kiss.

Later, when they're back in Kinn's rooms, Kinn takes his time demonstrating to Porsche in explicit and relentless detail exactly how jealous of a bastard he can really be.

#fuck i only managed 4 cos 5 is a weirdly hard number to hit #BUT I DID IT #JEALOUS KINN LADIES AND GENTS AND OTHERS #pls enjoy ebqwubnoiasnf #kinnporsche

[maddiviner]

Hey everyone. I’m posting this to raise a question.

As witches and willworkers, we (should) try to show conspiracy theorists the door, particularly those who’re bigots. But what do we do about people who’re obviously experiencing delusions? Someone who’s mentally ill? Struggling and hurting?

As my username suggests, I’ve got a lot to say about this topic, but there’s not really an easy answer, and I think it needs some discussion. I’d be happy to hear other people’s perspectives. I do think people like me (who’ve experienced psychosis) might have strong feelings about this, but so might those hurt by conspiracy theories. It’s complex.

People online like to laugh when someone posts that the earth is flat, that the moon is a demonic lair, that mountains are trees, etc. When someone starts claiming they’re being “gangstalked” by aliens or the Illuminati, etc, people laugh.

My question is, where do we draw the line? Truth is, a lot of these weird delusions of persecution people write about online are symptoms of actual mental illnesses. So why do people treat it as funny?

Nobody’s going to post a video of me having a seizure and laugh when I bite my tongue. We don’t chuckle when someone with multiple sclerosis experiences spasms. People don’t post screenshots of people talking about deleting with “hahah look at that depressed loser,” so why the “hahah look at that stupid schizo” vibe?

I get that it’s hard not to laugh, at times. Some of it can be quite ridiculous from the outside. If someone on Facebook tells you they think you’re working with the Illuminati to spy on them for purposes unknown, it can be hard not to respond with anything but a confused giggle.

Still, though. Imagine being that person, believing that. From the inside, it can be a terrifying experience. Those things feel unbelievably real in the moment. Three months later, you might find that low dose Abilify (or something) returns your life to normal, but believe me - delusions feel real when you’re in them. I’d wager that’s true for all delusions. When we’re in it, we believe it, we feel it - the fear’s real.

I don’t want to discuss my personal experiences with delusions when I was much younger. I’d rather have written this entire post without mentioning it, but I don’t think my perspective would be taken seriously otherwise. While frightening, my own delusions didn’t involve these kinds of conspiracy theories. They aren’t really relevant here, except to say that it feels incredibly real and terrifying.

In other words, you can be sure that the boomer dude accusing you on Twitter of being a “perp” working with the gangstalkers and beaming “nausea waves” at him really does believe it, and really is frightened on an existential level.

With that in mind, can we really feel okay laughing at people like that?

I guess we might be unable to suppress a private giggle when we read someone’s comment about the hollow earth, or those moon demons supposedly drinking our blood. But it’d be downright unconscionable to directly bully them, even under the guise of “trying to talk them out of it.”

It’d of course, be worse, to pretend I *am* the moon aliens that terrify them, and start messaging them. And yes, that happens sometimes. I have an old friend who developed schizophrenia in 2007 and is STILL convinced we were all working against him/stalking him (at the time) because another person tried to turn his delusions into a joke, thinking it would “make him realize how silly he was being.”

Of course, by “turn them into a joke,” I mean “pretend they were real” and act out the scenario via Skype while the rest of us frantically tried to stop him.

If we’re going to talk about why humor might make such situations worse, we need to discuss humor itself. There’s some evidence that humanity’s capacity for laughter evolved as a way of signaling to our comrades that a situation isn’t actually dangerous. In other words, ancient humans might have laughed as a way of saying, “Yes, this looks scary, but it’s not!”

When we laugh at these things, we’re affirming (to ourselves, if not necessarily anyone else) that we’re not afraid, either of the moon demons or the person frantically telling us about them. Thus, the “laugh at conspiracy theories” thing can be a way of inoculating ourselves and others against them.

We shouldn’t do this at the expense of people who’re scared and suffering, though. We should always take care to avoid making things worse for other people who might have been unfortunate enough to fall into this kind of thing. The issue, of course, is how to do that while also not allowing a place for such conspiracy theories.

I hang out sometimes in transhumanist spaces online. It’s not frequent, but I do keep tabs on the movement and new papers, etc. Naturally, the topic of human enhancement, cyborgs, all that, attracts some conspiracy types, some of which are clearly hurting. In those cases, the moderators of those places tend to show them the door, because reading more transhumanist material and interacting with a volatile online space like that could be harmful for them in that state. That, and of course, not everyone’s kind, and people were trying to “mess” with these “crazies” too.

What it comes down to is this. If it’s a friend of yours or a family member, you likely have the means to help, even if in a small way. When it’s an internet person, you really don’t. Trying to talk them out of it likely won’t work, and might make things worse. Play-acting to make them “realize they’re being silly” is disingenuous trolling, and you’re a grade-A piece of shit if you even consider it. Often, removing yourself from the situation is the best you can do, if the person seems to be in no immediate danger.

I actually wish I’d been banned from certain spaces online when I was dealing with this kind of thing. It sounds ridiculous, but many of the places I visited during my episodes delayed recovery. When you’re experiencing psychosis, material and interactions that would otherwise be innocuous can have straight-up toxic effects. There’s no sense to it - that’s why it’s psychosis, I suppose.

At one point I commented on here that I didn’t do Tarot readings for people currently experiencing mental health crisis or psychosis. I was called ableist for that, and told that I should simply “ask them their triggers and remove those cards.”

Yeah, no. Psychosis doesn’t play by that sort of rules. Or any rules, really. Even if, from the outset, I can’t cite “violent impalement” as a trigger, I might be terrified by the Ten of Swords, especially if I were experiencing delusions again. This is not a black and white issue, and I’m still figuring things out - I just think the matter of mental illness is an important thing to consider. And a lot of these conspiracy theories were intentionally designed by bigots for bigoted purposes. Popular conspiracy theory influencers nowadays exploit the vulnerable for fame and profit.

Many of these conspiracy theories are just updates of centuries-old antisemitic blood libel, though. And these ideas cause a lot of real harm. You only need to skim the news over the past few years to see how far-reaching and dangerous things like Qanon quickly became. How can we best combat this kind of thing, knowing that they specifically target people who are struggling?

We shouldn’t give conspiracy theories so much as an inch. We should be working to both debunk them and warn others from falling into those belief systems. But what do we do in situations where someone is clearly unwell?

As I said, delusions don’t play by normal rules. Mine didn’t. Presenting evidence isn’t going to work, and that’s not because the person is obstinate, either. I usually just walk away, disconnect - but this is something worth talking about. How do you handle these situations? Why?

Before I go, I want to also note that sometimes a response you post to a person online isn’t actually for them. It’s extremely hard to change someone’s mind by arguing with them online. Other people read those exchanges, though, and are influenced by your words.

In a way, when I argued with Qanoners on Facebook during the lockdowns, I wasn’t typing words for them, but for the lurkers who might come across it. I knew the person I was arguing with wasn’t going to listen, but I also knew we had an audience. So, that, too, is important to keep in mind when dealing with conspiracy theorists (of all sorts) online.

#witchcraft #pagan #magic #occult #new age #witchblr #witch #eliza.txt #ableism #gaslighting #delusions #actually delusional #actually psychotic #bipolar disorder #that’s my diagnosis #but even with something like that #psychosis does happen occasionally #and it hurts a lot

[astraljade]

Everybody know wassup on tumblr that demons exist! Ice spice is just a demonic piece of shit to do book of belial spells on a random woman! Bruh she already saw that she was having everything she wanted and then she set her eyes on me and was like I want her whole scenario with a book of belial spell attached and then the whole spiritual realm was like sure for ahead! After everything I did for the spiritual realm spreader the good message of them did tarot for them looked at these Gods and goddesses and connected everybody with their Gods and goddesses just for them all to hurt me and patrol against me! They just need to be fr before ice spice goes to ACTUAL JAIL behind stalking a smaller account! And for Facebook to just CHOOSE everyone but whoever chooses me whenever I’m Christian they’re satanic whenever I’m with Ra they’re Christian to come against me! Everybody just need to be fr! About how much they’ve trespasses against me there’s only so much a woman can take in the first place! They’ve seen these demons and what they do to me and just automatically don’t gaf! I hate everybody for a REASON NOT JUST BECAUSE IM SOME SORT OF HATER I USED TO ALWAYS CALL PEOPLE BEAUTIFUL GAVE THEM A GOOD JOB WHEN THEY DO GOOD! Just raping me watching it happen and acting like I’m some sort of culprit! Because I’m the first place the 666 was incredulous ain’t nobody fixing to live in sin and go for the 666 just because they “claim” I did this and that! All I did was expose my abuser! And he pushed me so hard to expose him and fuck his friend FOUR YEARS AGO! I repented I apologized I went back to him because he asked me BACK! I forgave him it’s BEEN TIME FOR HIM TO FORGIVE ME AND STOP BEING SO OBSESSED! They hate that I’ve been through so much that I finally loved myself and took up for MYSELF BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE DOES!!!!!!!!!!!

#ice spice #drizzy drake #Christopher ball #666 satan

[pendragon-writes]

Cold Truths

Chapter 4

Chapter 6

The two men walked with Captain Gregson as he explained the situation. As they stepped further into the house they spotted the small pool of blood and the body of Peter Saldua being rolled out in a body bag. "Watch the blood splatter." The Captain said as he pointed to the blood. He guided them further into the house, pointing towards the ring box. "We found the ring box from Amy Dampier's home, right here." (Y/n) walked a bit closer to inspect it, before the detective from yesterday spoke to him. "Turns out Mantlo and his wife used the florist Saldua worked for." (Y/n) looked at the photos of Amy that were hanging on the wall as he continued to listen to the detective. "They order fresh flowers to the house once a week. Saldia was the guy who delivered them." "Explains why she would have let him in the other night."

"What happened over there?" (Y/n) asked, gesturing with his head towards the fallen washing machine. "Mixed his colors with his whites?" Detective Javier Abreu said. "Who knows, guy was a nut bar." (Y/n) changed his interest to evidence number 3, which was just a phone charger with no phone. "Did you already take his phone?" He asked, turning to the Captain. "It hasn't turned up yet, but it will," Gregson explained, leaving the kitchen to look at other things and perhaps talk to the other detectives, allowing (Y/n) the space he needed to investigate.

The consultant looked at the pantry with slight confusion before turning to the sink and grabbing the pill bottle that rested next to the other medication. The bottle read 'Xanax', with it being 1 mg. Whilst (Y/n) was doing that Steven walked over to the photos of Amy, slightly creeped out at the thought that the poor woman was being stalked. "You wanted to be the one who found him, didn't you?" Steven asked. (Y/n) put the pill bottle back before responding. "I don't do what I do for the credit."

"Then why do you do it?" He asked, turning to look at him as (Y/n) leaned against the sink. (Y/n) didn't respond as he adverted all eye contact and left the kitchen. Steven sighed to himself as he looked at the photos, wondering if he went too far.

°。°。°。°。°。°。

"I would like to thank the police, again, for finding the man who killed my wife," Harrow said into a microphone, (Y/n) and Steven were now back at the house as (Y/n) watched the interview, sitting on the floor cushion with his arms resting on his knees. Steven walked in holding a laptop as he went to the table covered in files and papers. "She had her mole removed when she changed her look." (Y/n) said, still looking at the walls of photos, most of which being of Amy. Steven glanced at the photos before turning to the man. "It doesn't make any sense. She loved that mole." Steven sat at the other table as he also looked at the photos. "Before her surgery, she turned her head to feature it, whenever her picture was taken."

"Where'd you get those photographs?" Steven asked, opening up his laptop. "I reached out to Amy's friends via her Facebook page." Steven was about to say something but decided not to. "Harrison Polk was right. She was as beautiful before her surgery as she was after, so… why bother. What was the point?" He said, as he stood up, walking towards Steven, who was currently reading through something. "Another thing. Saldua's phone records indicated he used his call phone constantly." He said, placing the papers with the information next to Steven's laptop.

"And yet, three days ago, he just stopped. Didn't make a single call. Didn't send a single text. Why?" He then showcased another paper. "His bank statements meanwhile, there's several checks made out to Dr. Ronald Jessup, Psychologist. He seems worth talking to, no? No?" He asked, his voice slightly faster than before, leaving the question rhetorical as he immediately answered. "No, 'cause he dropped dead of a coronary, in 2010." Steven stood up from his chair to look at the consultant.

"The Amy Dampier case is over. You helped solve it." He said, trying to calm the man. "No." "Something's off. I can feel it." He argued softly, looking at the photos. The noises of the printer caused him to look away. "What's that?" He asked, looking at Steven. "I got us tickets to the opera tonight," Steven responded with a grin. "Celebrate." (Y/n) just looked at him in confusion, slightly biting his lower lip. "When your father hired me, he mentioned something about you liking it, so I thought-"

(Y/n) scoffed in amusement at that, dropping his hands down, and walking past him. "I went to Le Grande Macabre once when I was nine, now I'm a buff." (Y/n) said loudly, walking into the small kitchen, and looking through the pantry for a snack. Steven sighed at this and began to talk. "I'm worried about you." "I think you're making things more complicated than they really are." (Y/n) didn't respond as he grabbed what he was looking for and walked past him again. "and it tells me that you're really struggling."

"No struggle with anything." (Y/n) grumbled out. "Or haven't you been paying attention for the last few days?" "I've been right about everything." "Actually you haven't," Steven said. "The day we met you deduced that I gave up being a surgeon to become a companion because I had lost someone close to me." "The truth is…" (Y/n) interrupted Steven before he could finish, sitting on his chair at the table.

"The truth is that you made a mistake during a surgery that cost a patient his life." He said, turning his head to look up at him. Steven looked away from him as a result. "It takes years of study to become a surgeon, not to mention tremendous ego." He explained, slightly talking with his hands. "Surgeons don't just leave to become addict-sitters. They're forced out. And they're only forced out if they commit the sin of malpractice." Steven looked at him with an unreadable expression as he continued to listen to him. "I knew it would be a sore subject so I made up the bit about your friend to spare your feelings." "That was very big of you," Steven said. "How do you know the patient died?" He asked.

"How do you know I didn't just leave him paralyzed or in a coma?" (Y/n) squeezed his fists on the table slightly, before slamming the table and standing up. "The parking ticket! The one you had in your bag." He walked past him as he said this stopping for a moment and sighing, turning around to face him. "You incurred it two weeks ago near the corner of 86th and Third." "The only thing there is Carver Cemetery. Obviously, you were visiting a grave." "Not a parent's grave, of course. Google indicates that they're both alive and well." "Siblings? No. Carver is a pauper's field. The picture that you keep on your phone of Mum and Dad says that they're well-to-do. No siblings of yours would be interred in a place like that." "The place doesn't even have a proper parking area, hence the ticket. So…" Steven turned to look at him, (Y/n) still continued to talk.

"A surgeon who's no longer a surgeon, a parking violation incurred outside a poor man's cemetery, and two parents who are as moneyed as they are alive. You add it all up. What does it say?" he asked rhetorically. "You were visiting the grave of the man that you let die on your operating table." He finished softly. Steven looked at him, his lips pursed. "It's so incredible, the way that you can… solve people just by looking at them."

"I noticed you don't have any mirrors around here." (Y/n) blinked at this before responding. "And what's that supposed to mean?" "It means you know a lost cause when you see one." He said before walking past him, leaving (Y/n) to his thoughts. "Tomorrow I'll arrange for a new companion, but tonight I got plans." He said, grabbing his laptop and leaving. (Y/n) glanced at him before looking at the wall, swallowing a lump in his throat.

Taglist: @god-complex-12

[farfromsugafanfic]

Dangerous | Chapter Three: Alley Cat

Genre: Enemies to Lovers, Bad Boy!Jimin, Bartender!Reader, College AU

Pairing: Jimin/Named Reader

Rating: M

Chapter Warnings: jealousy, innuendos

"So, you're telling me you Facebook stalked Jimin and found out where he works and you want me to take you there just so you can use me and make him jealous?" Kookie's words came out in a rush, that even though you knew the boy well, you had trouble following.

"So, you're not going to help me?"

"I never said that," Jungkook said, his eyes darkening. "I'm just wondering if it's worth it. Jimin really doesn't like it when his friends interfere with girls he's into."

"Jimin's not into me," you said. "At least not in a serious sense. He never was and he never will be. I'm doing this all for simple revenge. He deserves a taste of his own medicine for once."

Jungkook's brow furrowed as he pondered your words. "You got him back to your place, right? Jimin doesn't just go back to random girl's apartments. He typically prefers his place. He must have really trusted you."

"I trusted him once, too."

Jungkook cocked his head to the side curiously--considering the thought--his mouth slightly open. Despite knowing what happened between you and Jimin when you were sixteen, there seemed to be part of Jungkook that still liked Jimin. In fact, it seemed that way with everyone. You were the only one who knew Jimin's true nature, or at least was willing to call him out on it.

"Jimin doesn't really like his friends interfering with his girls."

"I'm not one of his girls."

Jungkook smirked. "You don't get to decide that, baby."

You rolled your eyes. You didn't care what Jimin considered you, he broke your heart and humiliated you. He'd probably done the same to countless other girls after you. Park Jimin needed to learn a lesson and you were eager to teach it to him.

"I'll do it," Jungkook said.

"Really?" Your eyes widened, unsure of what could've possibly changed his mind. But, if you were being honest, you didn't really care.

"Yeah, if nothing else, it will be an entertaining evening."

The cafe Jimin worked at wasn't far from the university and you were happy when Jungkook agreed to walk.

"You know, this is kind of unhealthy, right?" Jungkook said, his hands in his pockets. "Like, I mean, getting revenge in the first place kind of was. But, you got your revenge now. I don't see why this all has to continue?"

You glanced down at your sneakers and sighed. "Kookie, are you going to help me or not?"

"I already said I would, Inna. I just want to make sure you know what you're doing." He stopped, grabbing your wrist lightly. "I know I'm just some guy you went on a couple dates with once, but I don't want to see you end up hurt again. After—" Jungkook paused to avoid saying your exes name.

"But, I'm in control this time, Kookie. Jimin's only some fun. Once I've succeeded, I'll move on. Really, it's not like I'm actually interested in the guy."

Jungkook's eyebrow arched and he released your wrist and slowly began down the sidewalk again.

"So, how will you know when you've succeeded?"

"When Jimin confesses to me," you said.

"Wow, you're really going to destroy him, aren't you?"

You shrugged. "That or I'll get bored eventually." You caught sight of the cafe's sign just over a block away. "There it is," you said. "Put your arm around me."

Jungkook obeyed and rested his arm loosely over your shoulders. You took the tips of his fingers in yours and fiddled with them as you two approached the entrance.

"Just be careful, Inna. I don't want you to yourself on this process."

You laughed as if he'd just said the funniest joke you'd ever heard. You caught sight of Jimin's eyes flicking towards the entrance when he heard your laugh. His eyes caught yours, but soon darkened when he caught sight of Jungkook attached to your side.

"Oh Kookie, you're so silly. That'll never happen."

One of Jimin's coworkers greeted you and led you to a booth. You and Jungkook sat down across from each other and glanced at the menus. You felt Jimin's gaze on you and uncrossed your legs, allowing your right leg to slowly glide up and down Kookie's calf, causing the pant leg of his jeans to ruffle slightly. 

His eyes widened and his face turned a bright shade of red. You suddenly remembered why you and Jungkook hadn't worked out. He was a little too innocent for you. It wasn't that he didn't understand sex or was even a virgin, sex was just a bigger deal to him, as it had once been to you. You didn't want to be the one to ruin that. 

"Sorry," you whispered. "He's watching." 

Jungkook nodded, careful not to flirt too much back. While he had agreed to this, he still wanted to remain friends with Jimin and you, and flirting with you could spell the end of both friendships. Despite your failed romantic endeavor, you and Jungkook still got on well as friends and the two of you had taken care of each other numerous times after multiple nights out. You trusted him, thus, you didn't want to betray the trust he'd put in you. 

"Hey," Jimin said, coming up to your table. "Are you guys ready to order?" His voice was nearly monotone and his eyes were flat, not even looking your way. 

"Kookie, are you ready?" you asked, using your best flirty voice. You almost couldn't stand the sound of it yourself, but when you saw Jimin's shoulders stiffen, you couldn't help the smirk that tugged on the corners of your lips.

"I'll have an iced Americano," Jungkook said. 

Jimin wrote down Jungkook's order before turning to you, his eyes finally making contact with yours. He looked pissed, but after the stunt he'd pulled in class that day, did he really expect you not to retaliate?

"Hm, I'm not sure. Is there anything cherry flavored on the menu?" you asked, looking up at Jimin through your eyelashes. 

His eyes widened in surprise and you noticed his gaze wander down to your red lips and to your red painted fingernails. You smirked as his eyes narrowed. 

"Nothing," he said. "Sorry." 

"Hm, that's a shame. I've had a particular taste for cherry lately." Your eyes flit to Jungkook before looking back down at the menu, even though you already knew what you wanted. 

"She'll have the same," Jungkook said, the words coming out all at once, as if he'd been stifling them back for hours. 

Jimin nodded and walked away from the table. You watched him leave, noting how much his work uniform flattered him. The white button down with the sleeves rolled up to expose his toned forearms along with the black jeans that hugged his hips. 

"Ah, I see. You like when he's pissed off," Jungkook said, his eyebrow arched.

"That's ridiculous," you said, although the stirring in your stomach contradicted you.

"Is it?" Jungkook crossed his arms and sat back against the booth, his tongue brushing the side of his cheek. 

"Can I borrow her for a few minutes?" Jimin asked. He was no longer wearing the apron and his hair was ruffled. You'd heard his boss telling him he could go home and you'd felt oddly disappointed.

Jungkook had barely muttered an affirmative when Jimin took hold of your wrist and pulled you out the door of the cafe and into the nearby alleyway. You lips formed a question, but your back was against the brick wall before you could get it out. 

Jimin's dark eyes met yours. His other hand rested on the wall beside your head, while the other still held your wrist, although his grip had loosened. 

"What--the fuck--was that?" he asked, his voice deep and tinged in anger. 

"What do you mean?" Your voice sounded as innocent as you could possibly make it. "I was just out with Jungkookie. I don't see what the big deal is."

"The big deal is that you and Jungkookie already called it quits. It's the only thing keeping me from going back in there and teaching him a lesson." 

Your breath hitched and for the first time you questioned whether or not what you were doing was a good idea. Jungkook was one of Jimin's best friends, yet, he was willing to break that off just because you were flirting with him and he happened to play his part extremely well. 

"Don't you dare hurt, Kookie! God, Jimin, this is so stupid. You think just because I'm a woman that I'm just gonna fall straight on my knees for you! You just don't like when I'm unaviliable, because god forbid I wand to be with someone other than you." 

"Inna, I'm not--." Jimin's eyes softened. 

"You know what? I'm gonna date all your friends. That's what you hate, right? Me being just out of your reach?"

"Inna--" 

"Besides, I've seen your friends at the club. I saw the way they looked at me. Every single one of them wants me and you know it. You know that I could have my pick of any one of them." 

"Inna!" Jimin finally interjected. His hand tightening around your wrist. "Do you hear that?"

You stayed quiet and for the faintest moment you could hear what sounded like a tiny mew. You glanced back at Jimin who released your wrist and you two seemed to come to a silent agreement to search for the source of the noise. 

You crept down one end of the alley while Jimin took the other, trying your best to step quietly as not to scare it off. The mewing grew louder as you neared a dumpster, you peered around it and found a small gray kitten crouched behind it. 

"Jimin!" 

You reached out to the kitten and it allowed you to pet it immediately. It's eyes were open, but the kitten couldn't be more than a couple months old.

"I think he's been abandoned," you said, scooping the kitten into your arms. It was barely larger than your hand and fit perfectly in the crook of your elbow. You took off your jacket and wrapped the kitten in it.

"Hold on," Jimin said, running back into the cafe. It took him only a couple minutes to come back holding a jacket and a small bowl of milk.

"Jungkook can give us a ride back to my apartment, so we can get him warmed up."

"Jungkook already left," Jimin said, trying not to allow his amusement to reach his eyes. "But, I can give you a ride back." 

"The motorcycle will be too cold for him." 

"Wear my jacket and zip him up in it. And, we'll put him between us."

You nodded, putting on Jimin's jacket and zipping the kitten and your jacket into it. You walked to Jimin's motorcycle and climbed on. You leaned against Jimin slightly, so that the kitten would benefit from his body heat, but not so much that you'd squish him. 

"All right," you said. "Let's go." 

"Welcome to your new home," you said, as you unlocked the door to your apartment and unwrapped the kitten from both yours and Jimin's jackets. 

"I thought I'd get to keep him," Jimin said, going straight into the kitchen and warming up the milk. 

"I'm the one who found him! Plus, look, he already loves me." You pointed to the small gray mass that had worked it's way underneath your shirt. "You can't take him now." 

"Well, at least he's got good taste," Jimin said, coming back out with the warm milk and setting it near your feet. 

Your face heated at Jimin's comment and you averted your eyes down to the kitten. You tried to coax him out, but he seemed to like the warmth you provided. 

"Do you mind going and getting some blankets for his bed?" you asked. "I don't want to disturb him." 

Jimin nodded as you told them they were in the hall closet. You laid down with the kitten still tucked beneath your T-shirt and rested your head on one of the throw pillows. The excitement and turn of events leaving you exhausted. You noticed just before you fell asleep that you were still wearing Jimin's jacket, but you didn't care, you pulled it around you and the kitten. 

"Are these okay?" Jimin asked, walking back into the living room carrying an armload of blankets. When you didn't respond he looked over to see you asleep with his jacket pulled around you, a little lump near your stomach where the kitten was curled up against your skin.

He smiled as he threw one of the blankets over you. He left the rest on the dining room table. He looked around for a pen and paper to leave a note, finding one on the coffee table across from where you slept on the couch. 

He smiled at the cute way your brow furrowed in your sleep as you stirred. Jimin's wandered back to your threats in the alley. Were you really going to date all his friends? His chest ached at the thought of you flirting with his friend group, none of who you deserved. The thing was you were right about his friends being into you. 

The night he saw you at the club he'd seen all of his friends checking you out as you poured their drinks. Their gazes lowering down to your cleavage or admiring the curve of your body in your tight dress. Some seemed more interested than others, but even Jungkook couldn't help but throw a gaze your way. 

He finished his note and attached it to the TV remote like the last time he left your apartment. His hand hovered over your hair, hesitating to touch you. He eventually smoothed your hair back lightly. 

"Take care of her, kitty." 

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[thelonesomequeen]

Some people here need to get a reality check. I know a lot of people here grew up with social media and cannot imagine life without it and every thing revolves around posting on it and watching what people post and follows mean things for Gen Z bla bla bla. But that is not how Chris grew up. He was already well into his 20s when even Facebook and Twitter became a thing. He doesn't care about that stuff. I'm sure he slides into DMs and whatever but analyzing his, his family and his friends follows, all of who are in their late 30s and 40s, is ridiculous. I know you (the proverbial you) think these people sit around PLOTTING how to hide things and oooh secret, secret. But they aren't. Do you think they sit around and discuss who they follow and why? Of course not. People have other shit to deal with. They don't care about 500 strangers who are obsessed with his and theirs every single move. Because that's about as many people MAX that actually care. It's not some secret PR plot to hide things or soft launch or whatever, sorry but they aren't gonna do that for a tiny tiny tiny tiny percentage of fans. Not even 1% of his fans pay attention to this stuff.

So please, as much as YOU care, you mean literally nothing in the grand scheme of things. Stop analyzing follows, stop stalking family members and friends of celebrities. I know it's hard to understand that social media isn't the center of someone's life because you grew up with it so centered in your life, but there are people out there (you know... oldies like Chris and his cohorts) who it's really not that deep for.

[calzonekestis]

Starting my day off with a rant about fandom because I made the mistaken of opening twitter and people are gross and weird again but in a Different way.

Yes, Grace sparks joy for us all and is the light of our lives - literal sunshine.

Yes, baby goth Grace in her TikTok photos was like this.

Like. I can see how the contrast may be amusing, but. Again, I’ve seen tweets again of people being weird about it.

Not thirsty weird so much as just surprised or shocked - not in a bad way, but just like. Surprised? Which ok, I guess you can’t help your reaction, but like. Also.

Idk how to tell you. That teen girls and grown women and literally anyone can dress however they want.

And people’s styles can change and grow as they do themselves.

Grace needn’t be open about all her struggles - but it’s known she had them, because the dumb fucks who tried to defame her by faking posts from the blog she used at the time.

If the contrast of her then/now is a reflection of where she was then in her life vs where she is now?

Awesome. Happy for her. Proud of her. That she’s thriving, happier, more confident, has a good support system. Not just the love and support of fans, but y’know, people who actually know and love her.

If it was Just A Phase, had nothing to do with any of that - she just liked the look and aesthetic? Cool. That’s valid.

Regardless, as someone who is only two years older than her? I would have been friends with baby goth Grace. I’m sure she would have been lovely to know then as she is lovely to know now.

The differences between those two Graces is… not. Our business.

Again the internet’s favorite buzzword re celebrities - parasocial. We don’t know her. She’s not our friend. So like. Why you shocked/surprised?

You don’t know Grace now, why do you have an expectation of what she was like then?

She’s not “a completely different person” as I’ve seen people say. She’s just. The same person, at a different point in her life. She was in her goth era then. She’s in her pretty floral dress era now. That’s all we get to know.

I’d say some of y’all need to touch grass, but… I’m the one making a tumblr post at quarter to 5AM complaining about how fandom is Weird towards celebrities.

Y’all don’t need to know what they were like before they were famous. What they looked like.

It reminds me of the Joe Quinn fandom stalking his friend’s Facebook - and like - yeah, I thought those pictures of teen Joe were all cute and fun until I realized how they were obtained. People going back a decade on his friend’s blog, and making them their profile picture on twitter.

And like, I know it was haters who stalked Grace’s old blog and not her fans - but like. It’s weird and invasive and crosses so many boundaries.

Who actors are off camera ain’t our business, if they themselves are willing to let us perceive Them on their own terms - great, but. Like yeah, don’t dig up their pasts and be invasive in that regard - but also just like. Leave them alone? In general? Respect their privacy?

TLDR; Y’all do not need nor are entitled to know what they looked like as minors and that’s creepy stop being creepy why is this fandom so fuckin creepy.

#grace van dien

[venomous-spade]

Bottom line, people don't have to stop talking about the shit you did.

I don't even need a reason.

If I wanted to be pissed off about everything you've done for the rest of my life, I can do that. I think you're a legitimately awful person, and I can tell everyone about all of our experiences with you whenever I want to.

You know how you combat that?

Stop being a piece of shit.

You've been a piece of shit up until December of last year, that's a horrible track record. You want it to go away? Guess you should learn how to act right.

Oh, you've been quiet on Facebook for the past two months? Guess that means everything you did just goes away and there will no longer be consequences for your actions! That's how fairytales work. People just magically forget stalking, harassing, leading on teenagers when you were 27 and in a serious relationship, cheating on every person you date with the next, you mocking my disability, you going through pictures of my friends kids to find where I lived, you dangling my ex over my head, you going through a blog of my intimate thoughts for a month without my knowledge, you going around wrongfully telling everyone I had an STD (not once, but twice), you posing with guns for pictures to make me feel threatened (brandishing), you using my plummeting mental health against me years later because you were denied a FOID card, you threatening my partner with an OP, posting pictures of my partner's car, pictures of him with his dad, keeping profile pictures up with him in it, you accessing his email, threatening me with fictitious litigation, and sending your friends to message me with harassment and threats for four years! And that's a short version.

All because you shut the fuck up for a couple months, you think everything you did should magically disappear.

Nah. You deserve to be haunted by that shit, and you will.

You don't get away with that. Period.

[mochasandwich-blog]

i wrote this on may 2021, im 22 now i do not think i feel the same way as my twenty year old self.

I make sure not to give anyone the same endearment because my best friend told me it was weird to call someone that reminds you of another. i do not care about pet names anymore, people exist just the way as they are in my life. the space they take up does not need to be labeled, what i call them does not matter anymore.

When I chop onions, I cut the roots last because my ex told me when you hurt the onions the onions hurt you back. Thus, the reason you tearing up. fucking NOT do it anymore. i do not want to be influenced by a person i killed so many times in my head; i cleansed myself of his existence to the breaking point i do not remember the pain he inflicted on me and the reason why this rage still lives within. i pretend he does not exist, my 16 to 19 self was my defining moment at the same time it never existed (a facade i put on everyday to keep me sane).

When I see someone with scars on their wrist, I make it a habit to never ask why. When I was in 12th grade I remember my best friend sobbing on my shoulder with a cast on her left wrist, asking me repeatedly "baket" and both of us did not know the answer. my being is wounded and scarred, renewed birthed to hardened. coldness does not mean it is tough, it is a precaution to not let anyone slide in carelessly ever again. Still, my heart would forever remain tender for this girl.

I always pinch someone's pinky when I'm comfortable with them. My mom always do this to mine when I was younger, it has stuck to me ever since. NOPE CREEP, I STOPPED DOING THAT HONESTLY WHATTA WEIRDO

Whenever I eat jjampong, I always remember the guy that I owed a jjampong cup noodles to. I was 12 and we spilled it while laughing in the tricycle's passenger seat, swearing I'll make it up to him next time. I'm 20 now, both of us still remembers that I never did. BITCH AHAHAHAH dudes a fuck up now, honestly never changed, his parents even hated him or so i heard. hate is such a strong word, but its like how your parents could loathe you at a certain degree and you still would be their son anyways typa way.

I already knew artic monkeys in 11th grade because another friend of mine introduced it to me, but was never keen on their music. I started listening intently because the boy I liked was a passionate fan. We dont talk anymore (char we still do pero we'll presume him dead) but I still listen to the band. I make it a notion that I liked them because I just do, and it was not for him. OHMYGOD THIS DUDE I COULD NOT EVER SHUT UP ABOUT THIS DUDE fuck i am twenty-two now??? AND hjdfcjsbhfesh god, pathetic. i still love his song recos, ngl. how do you want it slaps so hard i cant even. unfriended me on facebook, does not reply on insta anymore, yet stalks me religiously on tiktok. dude, please. AND WE'RE MEETING ON NOVEMBER fml.

I remember my bestfriend telling me she does not write her poems on paper because she felt disgusted by her thoughts that would forever be etched onto something. I realized that I also do. I now hide my little scribbles of typed poems and prose in posts, pictures and my phones notes; never written it on paper ever again. true!! i still do. though she is not my best friend anymore. funny how i used to call her that, maybe we really once were inseparably close. maybe part of her life i shared and we'd rely on each other so heavily upon. we grow older now, funny how now we’re so alike than ever.

#mosaicpoem