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angel-of-the-moons · 6 months

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Nothing Is Lost

Khonshu x Fem!Reader

TW/CW: Assault, violence, drunkenness , alcohol usage, near death experience

MINORS DNI I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR CONTENT YOU CONSUME

A/N: IT'S ✨HAPPENING ✨ Also, we get some more info on Merit! (Also yeah not all of her memory sequences are necessarily in order btw, but this memory sequences in particular establishes the time period that Merit is from, and will help bring into focus who killed her)

Taglist: @drinkingwithkhonshu

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Chapter 7:

Modus Operandi

The weather outside was terrible. It was ice cold, sleet beginning to rain down on the streets outside.

On one hand, you were thankful for having no work, but on the other, you were going out of your mind with boredom.

And your research all turned up dead ends.

Either this woman in your dreams was fake, or nobody knew she existed. Either way, you were left with a perplexing and frustrating mystery.

You were still losing your sleep, of course. You never had the same dream more than two or three times. Sometimes they would be clear, other times more abstract.

Merit was smart, that much you knew. She was devout, went to the temples every other day. She craved social interaction, and missed her parents and little brother dearly. Whoever her mysterious lover was, she was obviously head over heels for him. Her thoughts never strayed far from him, save for when she thought about her closest friend, her cousin’s wife, Annipe.

Researching *her* name brought up just as few results. Other than her name possibly meaning something along the lines of “daughter of the Nile”, you had nothing.

You wanted to rip your hair out. It. Was. Maddening.

Especially because, dreaming of such a happy, lovesick woman had you almost… envious. Melancholy, even. It had you missing something you never had. Something you, yourself haven’t attained just yet.

It really, really sucked.

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You decided to say fuck it and head to the local hole-in-the-wall bar. You had enough spare cash this time around to afford a few cheap drinks.

You had done your makeup and worn one of the few nice outfits you owned, so maybe somebody would buy you a drink or two. You didn’t usually rely on others for such a thing; and the idea left a sour taste in your mouth because you almost felt like you were manipulating somebody, but god, after the past few weeks you’ve had? You really needed the buzz.

Perhaps the buzz of alcohol tickling your system would ease your dreams and let you slip into blissful dreamlessness.

Or, possibly, make them worse…

But it was too late to back down now. You pulled on your coziest jacket to prepare yourself for the cold outside.

You gathered your things and packed your purse lightly, carrying only your credit card, ID, metro card (just in case), and keys to your apartment (and of course your taser and pepper spray).

As you reached your door, you looked over at the statue that you covered. It still lay on your tiny altar, unworshipped and solitary.

You heave a sigh and quickly walk over to it, tugging the towel off and tossing it onto your bed, before turning to leave once again.

As you closed and locked your door behind you, the eyes on the statue glowed faintly in the blackness of your apartment.

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The bar was sort of fun, a few guys bought you a round, and you had to turn down the next one because you didn’t want to get drunk. When they insisted that they could drive you home if you got drunk, you decided to call it quits, feeling the energy of the bar shift. Even the poor little bartender shot you a fearful look on your behalf, slipping a note beneath your receipt asking if she should call the police for you.

You declined, of course, that would only cause problems you didn’t feel like dealing with.

But unfortunately for you, your disinterest in the men didn’t deter them from following you.

Naturally. You decided to put effort into your appearance, finally started to feel better despite the chaos in your personal life, and now… this.

You were face-to-face with two of the three guys who had been hanging off of you the majority of the night. They were drunk, judging by how their movements swayed, their speech slurred and how red in the face they were.

But still, you were smaller than them, and outnumbered. And you had no idea where the third guy was. Perhaps he was waiting around the corner with a car? Perhaps he was waiting for his friends to drag you back to it and toss you in the back seat for them to use for their own amusement?

You tried to focus on the now and not the maybes of what could occur.

“Look… just leave me alone.” You say, your foot skidding slightly in the dirty snow that had been half-assedly shoveled to the edges of the alleyway. “I don’t want any trouble, so if you could just leave me alone…”

“Pfsh.” One of the men sneered, looking at his buddy with a drunken curl to his lips. Ugh, you could smell the cheap tequila from four feet away.

“Lookit this bitch. Uses us for our money and don’ think she owes us nothin’!”

“You offered t’ pay for my round. I accepted. Nothin’ more.” You say, swallowing hard. You could feel the warmth buzzing through your system. Maybe if you were sober, you could stand a decent chance, but half-drunk and outnumbered? Yeah, you were fucked.

You blink to try and clear your head of the alcohol, but naturally that didn’t help and only made your soft vertigo worse. But you just couldn’t bring yourself to open them again, knowing you’d feel a sudden head rush and probably stumble over. Fuck, why did you have to be mostly sober for this?

“You rollin’ your eyes at m’ friend? Eh, bitch?” The other drunkard said, moving closer to you.

“You ignorin’ my boy?” The other sneered again.

You were about to start lamenting your life choices; you were going to start wondering why you didn’t listen to your mother when she told you moving to the city was a mistake, that you’d wind up in this situation.

The old, narcissistic bitch was right. Again. You already had a string of these incidents notched onto your belt as it is.

Right as you started to feel the air warm as a body closed in on you, there was a whoosh! of cold air and in a moment, the warmth was yanked away and scufflign could be heard.

“What the f–” One of them shouted.

“You motherfucker! Who th’ fuck d’you think you are?!” His buddy hissed.

You could hear the sound of a switchblade being opened, and finally you decided you must open your eyes.

And when you did… to say you were in awe was an understatement.

In front of you was a man completely in white. His back was to you now as he shielded your body from your drunken assailants. You could see around his bulky mass that his white, spiked knuckles were already spattered red at the tips, and one of the men was sporting what looked to be a broken cheekbone.

The heat this man radiated was insane, it was like standing next to the freaking sun. His cloak fluttered in the wind and his body stiffened as he looked over his shoulder at you.

That’s when you saw the moon on his forehead, the bits of gold decorating what was otherwise a complete lack of color, the low orange streetlights glinting off of them.

Was it your imagination, or did the designs look familiar? Why did they look–

“Stay behind me.” He said, his voice hard and tight, leaving absolutely no room for disobedience.

So, you dumbly nod, transfixed by the chaos that unfolded in front of you.

The man fought in a way that was worthy of only the best choreographed martial arts movies. He flowed like water, parting and moving away from their blows before they had a chance to realize their attacks didn’t connect. In their drunken hazes, they were no match for this man, it’s like he knew every single perceivable parry to their attacks, he fought like it was some sort of well-rehearsed dance and he was acting it out in front of your eyes.

He dropped down until he was almost flat on his back, bracing himself with his palms on the dirty ground, and kicked up, right into the first guy’s gut, knocking him back and knocking the air out of his lungs.

The other guy thought he had an opening but your savior proved his drunken theory wrong; when the man ran at him, he spun on his feet and clotheslined him, finally rendering him unconscious as his head hit the pavement.

The other man was currently pitched over, vomiting and dry-heaving when he emptied his stomach of contents from the blow the mysterious hero inflicted upon him.

The man who was currently beating their asses however wasn’t even breathing heavy, he was still composed and imposing as an angry panther. You could see the muscles flex and taut as he moved, waiting, watching to see if the man was going to attack again.

You watched as he tumbled over, falling almost face-first into his own vomit, and it takes massive amounts of self-control on your part to avoid throwing up, yourself.

It was a long, tense silence until your rescuer turned around to face you, the eyes of his mask narrowed dangerously as he assessed you.

“Are you injured?” He asked, the creases in his mask smoothing out as his expression softened.

Your brain finally kicks on with enough of a brain cell to get you to respond to his question. “N-no.”

“Good.” He grabs your arm in a firm, yet gentle grip. “I will take you home and make sure you’re safe.”

“Wh–wait!” You squeak as he hoists you up into his arms, carrying you bridal-style for a moment.

“Hold on.”

“What–”

The moment he leapt into the sky, you felt like your stomach was left there in the alley alongside your would-be attackers.

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You had no idea how he knew where you lived, or which apartment building was even yours, but he knew. Somehow, he knew. You weren’t sure if that made you feel better or worse.

He set you back down on wobbly feet, the ice on the rooftop partially melted due to the salt the owner laid down, leaving a squishy slush as more sleet and snow fell. You stumbled back away from him, the alcohol in your system still thrumming through you as you looked up at this imposing figure.

“How did you…” You breathe, your breath leaving you in a cloud of fog.

“I protect the travelers of the night. I serve justice. It’s come to my attention that you have suffered greatly.” He says simply. You couldn’t be sure, but you were positive you’d heard his voice somewhere before. But without the ability to see his face, you weren’t sure…

Even in the haze of your buzz, you recognized what he said. The travelers of the night… Like what Khonshu supposedly watched over.

No way was this guy saying he was…

“Who–”

He put up his hand to silence you politely. “You may call me Hunter’s Moon. But I should suggest not going out so late in the future, unless it is important. I may not be able to protect you if this happens again.”

Okay, now that rubbed you the wrong way. Perhaps it was the alcohol still coursing through your system, perhaps it was the audacity of this “Hunter’s Moon” that irked you, but regardless… you were pissed.

“Excuse me?” You snap, looking up at him, nostrils flaring. “Who th’ hell do you think you are? Just because I’m a woman I shouldn’t go out at night? I shouldn’t drink at all? It’s not my fault cops don’t patrol around here like I fuckin’ beg them to! The fuck you think I am? Some stupid waif from some kinda… fuckin’... book? That I need some kinda white night to save my fuckin’ ass?”

The man merely tilts his head and looks down at you. If he is offended by your rebuke or outburst, you can’t tell at all. It merely feels like he’s studying you, as if you were a butterfly beneath a magnifying glass. If anything, you got the feeling this man was amused.

You wave your arms as you pace in front of him. “Yeah! Yeah, fuck off! You don’t know anythin’!”

The short chuckle that escapes him enrages you more.

“I am merely saying, that if you are not careful this may happen again. I’m not insinuating anything. Merely that you be safer. You cannot predict how others will act if you’re vulnerable in any way they can perceive.

You deflated a bit at that, you rage subsiding a tad. “...Oh.”

“Now, I recommend you go back to your apartment, drink plenty of water, and eat something. It will lessen the risk fo a hangover.” He tells you.

“I ain’t drunk! I’m jus’ buzzed!” You say to him as he turns away from you.

“At any rate, it’s better to be smart. I will no doubt see you again, my lady.”

“Wait, why–”

When he leapt off your roof and disappeared into the cityscape beyond, you were left whirling. And with a very very bad dizzy spell that was quickly taking over you.

You weren’t even sure if you were able to catch yourself in time before you hit the slush.

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You awoke with a start as someone placed their hand on you. It was your cousin’s wife, Annipe, her child strapped to her back via the sling made of the softest linen, her precious baby sleeping soundly against her.

“Merit? You were dozing again.” She says to you, her stenciled brows raised highly in concern.

You looked down at Annipe’s hand on your forearm; her skin was much darker than yours, a gorgeous shade if you were being honest. It always made her makeup and clothing stand out that much more, and turned heads when she entered rooms. Some compared her beauty to Nefertiti, and you could see why, from the few interactions you’d had with the royal family. Next to them, you could almost see their beauty as if it were crafted by expert hands, like those who designed the finest tombs.

You blink and shake your head, your jewelry clinking as you did. “Ah, no, Annipe. I’m merely thinking.”

“Is it about your lover?” She asked, a coy smile on her lush and full lips. Oh, how she loved to tease you over this subject…

“I suppose…” You snort, twirling the stem of the lotus in your fingers as you inhaled its fragrance, stepping down into the water.

The two of you were currently wading in one of the large man-made ponds that were built into the major estates. The small basins connected out into the Nile itself and thus the water was fed, fish came and went, and you even saw a crocodile in one, visiting another’s home.

Right now, you were in your own, the home you shared with your cousin and his family.

“Then what is bothering you?” Annipe asked, walking down the alabaster stairs, wading to stand waist-deep in the water with you, uncaring of the water soaking through your linen gowns.

“You know you can tell me.” She replied softly.

“I’m… worried.” You sigh heavily, tossing the flower into the water, watching as the gentle current carries it away from you. “I’ve heard things. Whispers about what is occuring with the royal family. About the Pharaoh.”

Annipe looked around, suddenly seeming very concerned over this news.

Her daughter babbles innocently in her sleep.

“What do you mean?” She asked conspiratorially.

“I’ve heard that he acts strangely.” You say. “He spends hours out of his time professing his love to the sun, thanking Aten for all that is given. That he intends to abolish our religions, and move us all somewhere that “Aten has willed”.”

Annipe gasps, her hand over her mouth. With the amount of time they spent in court, she had noticed that Akhenaten (his name since changed since he ascended the throne as Amenhotep, named for one of his distinguished predecessors) acted strangely. He was increasingly paranoid at times, seemingly jumping at things that weren’t there, speaking to himself in a hushed, angered tone…

Even Nefertiti was concerned for her husband, but she did not dare voice it aloud, for fear of how he may act if she speaks her concerns.

But…

“Where did you learn this?” She asked.

“...One of the priests at the temple.” You mutter. It wasn’t a lie. Not entirely.

“Ah.” Annipe sighs softly. She decides to lift the weight of the subject, instead shifting the topic to something more cheerful. “I was going to go for a walk in the market. Would you like to come? Perhaps we can find a gift for your mysterious suitor? You know my husband is so curious about him, you know. If he exists.” She giggles.

You can’t help but smile. Annipe’s humor always put you at ease. It was why you two made such good friends, you balanced each other perfectly, like even weights on scales.

“Annipe?” You murmur, looking up at the small fluffy clouds that wafted about in the sky above.

“Yes?” She asked as she slowly climbed out of the water, the lower half of her gown clinging to her figure thanks to the water that had soaked through. The coolness of the drying fabric provided a soothing feeling amidst the heat of the summer sun.

You smile mischievously at her over your shoulder. “I’m in love with a god.”

“Hah!” She laughs, waving her hand dismissively. “Come, come, cousin. Let us go. Maybe we can find something for your “godly" lover at the market, hmm?”

You laugh with her and shake your head, turning to walk up the steps after her.

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You weren’t sure what happened. One minute you were walking, following Annipe away from the pond, the next…

Your foot hung over the open air at the edge of your building. You felt your heart leap into your throat and strangle you as you looked down at the streets below. Had you moved another inch forward…

You shake away the thought, and it’s only after you do that that you realize someone was holding onto you by the collar of your jacket.

“Ungrateful mortal.” A deep voice snaps at you. “I offer blessings and protection, and you shun my worship? After one prayer?”

You’re yanked from the edge of the roof and you land, your butt flat into the slushy snow on the roof, the sudden chill making you yelp and helping sober you up quickly.

You open your eyes and see a pair of feet. You slowly trail your gaze upwards, your eyes climbing the lithe figure that stood over you, fist clenched tightly over the staff in his hand.

And atop his shoulders was something that chilled you more than the ice soaking through your pants.

A skull. Not human, but it looked to be that of a bird. Whatever it was, the flesh had long since dried and flaked away, thin ethereal wisps dangling from the base and hanging into the blackened chasm that emptied into his torso.

You immediately began to scramble backwards, your fingers numb as they dug into the snow and ice, your boots slipping with soft squeaks as you did.

“Who the fu–”

“Unbelievable.” The thing scoffs down at you, taking heavy steps, his staff stamping down with each footstep, the snow and ice seeming to melt away thanks to the heat his body emanated. Just like your mysterious hero, from earlier. Hunter’s Moon.

Wait, did he say something about prayers? The only thing you prayed to at all recently was…

You swallowed hard as he leaned down, peering into you with sightless sockets.

“One so gifted, yet so reckless. You would be a good priestess, were you not so careless.” He continues, “Were you to master your skills...”

You feel even more scrutinized than when that Hunter guy looked at you. You felt positively tiny next to this being. And it wasn’t just due to the fact that he was pushing nine-something feet tall.

“Who are you?” You breathe out, your eyes unblinking, unable to tear your gaze away from the otherworldly being in front of you.

“You don’t know?” He grumbled, shaking his head, his beak almost scraping the front of your jacket from where he was stooped to your level.

“I am Khonshu. And I grow weary of your games, mortal.”

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Chapter 8: Coming Soon

#moon knight #khonshu moon knight #khonshu x reader #khonshu x you #khonshu #yehya badr #hunter's moon

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elekinetic · 2 years

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hey team. buckle up. this is gonna be a long one.

aka let's break down my byler playlist cause i put way too much fucking thought into it

here's the complete playlist. i highly highly recommend listening while you read, but it'll make sense regardless <3

let's dive in.

1. i can't be with you by the cranberries.

we open with the line "lying in my bed again, and i cry cause you're not here." you're in the upside down, you're possessed, you're spending all your time with el, you're in california. they're ALWAYS separated, there's always something pulling them apart. they can't be with each other. "put your hands inside my face and see that it's just you," cause their existence is so informed by each other. constantly on each other's minds. "thinking back on how things were and on how we loved so well." i mean. C'MON. "i wanted to be the mother of your child" ok that's not byler EXACTLY but listen listen listen, dreaming of a future together? playing nintendo and dnd in their basement for the rest of their lives? "put your hands in my hands and come with me, we'll find another end…my head on anyones shoulder cause i cant be with you": basically they are dreaming of a world where everything is easy, where they can be together, but they know that's not the real world. they'll seek other comforts (el, losing yourself in your art, etc) to try to fill the hole in their hearts (y'all know there's more nuance to the el situation but i don't feel like typing all that out lol) dolores o'riordan's wailing is a great expression of the despair of seemingly unrequited love, while the upbeat fast paced drums invoke that teenage-first-love genre feeling through the song, we have dolores assuring herself that she cannot be with this person. its almost like shes trying to convince herself that there's no point to feeling this way bc they're NEVER gonna be together. but she ends with "but i'm still in love with you." there's nothing she can do about it. she can try to deny it all she wants, but its a simple truth. she loves them. they love each other.

2. wicked game by chris isaak.

this is the most stranger things ship coded song ever imo. doomsday love? soulmatism? reluctance? disbelief? wanting something different? HELLO? byler?? lumax?? jopper?? jancy?? "i've never felt this way... i don't wanna fall in love...the world was on fire and no one could save me but you, its strange what desire will make foolish people do, id never dreamed id love somebody like you..." is this song about being upset that a relationship is over? yes. which works for byler! but i think its also about loving intensely. its about looking at the tragedy of existence and saying, your love saved me. i feel so much, and i feel so sad because you mean so much to me. it says, without an ounce of real resentment, how dare you make me care so much? thus we establish from the jump JUST how much they care about each other. how important they are to each other. the song end's with "this world is only gonna break your heart" over and over again, which sets up the tragedy we're abt to be feelin through the rest of this playlist. all aboard the angst train!

3. fade into you by mazzy star.

we're back on that hand holding imagery shit we say in i can't be with you. "i wanna hold the hand inside you." i miss how close we used to be. "i look to you when i see nothing, i look to you to see the truth." -> you have always been the grounding presence in my life. there's a double meaning here of looking to the other person to see the "truth", being that they're never gonna love you like you love them. "fade into you, strange you never knew." its strange you never knew i was in love with you. how much i cared for you. (and if we're talking mike pov, strange you never knew before i fucked it up so bad.) "a stranger's light comes on slowly, a strangers heart without a home" we're strangers now OWWW. i am a stranger to you now, and my heart doesn't have a home.

4. does anybody know by jade bird. do i even have to explain?

pre s4 separation. very sad. california sunshine + s4 heart to hearts in the sun + the colors in you can hurt someone? something something will's painting and the rain fight and their ability to hurt each other.

5. graduation day by chris isaak.

a reflection on what used to be, and an attempt to move on. an attempt that will fail (see: further sad pining songs later in the playlist) "driving slowly, watching the headlights in the rain" - rain fight, will biking away. "think of the good times, wishing you were still with me, the way it used to be.... a million dreams have all gone bad, think of all we had...thinking of a time with everything was right...with only you and i..." HELLO??? once again, the theme of "i miss the way we used to be" makes a reappearance. "i knew it all then, thought you loved me, i was wrong.... learned my lesson now there's nothing left to say." what if i committed mass murder. i knew it all? hello michael. we've also got the theme of growing up. graduation day. they're getting older. on one hand, this could mean them graduating to the big leagues, the final fight. the end of everything is coming. they're almost at the finish line. on the other hand, they could be reflecting on "graduating" out of their childhood feelings and comfort, making peace with the fact that they're older and they don't get to go back to when everything was right.

6. please, please, please, let me get what i want by the smiths.

this song is so simple, and so direct, and so. so. so. sad. its a reflection of how much they love each other. this....this is all i want. he is all i want. my life has been so hard. i could've become a bad person, and i didn't. and that doesn't mean im owed anything. i know that. but can i please get what i want. this is the only thing that i want.

7. there's no need to argue anymore by the cranberries. just....just read it.

highly recommend listening to this song because all it is is vocals and an organ. it is so reflective and soft and introspective. its simple. a simple truth. (i mean you should listen to the whole playlist but yk)

8. boys dont cry by the cure, but covered by I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME.

yall already know the drill lyric wise cause. you know. it's boys don't cry. so, im just gonna talk abt why i picked this particular cover. it feels younger, a little less professional, a little more intimate. i love the cure version, but this one just feels...i don't know. it feels like the emotions of a teenage boy.

9. i know its over by the smiths.

this one... oh god. the first verse is "oh mother i can feel the soil falling over my head // and as i climb into an empty bed // oh well, enough said // i know its over, still i cling // i dont know where else i can go." something abt will's relationship with joyce and mike's relationship with karen. something about knowing their relationship with each other is over, knowing that and still not being able to stop thinking about each other. we get a sweet little nod to mileven in verse 2 "sad veiled bride, please be happy, handsome groom, give her room." yeah. if we're talking will's pov and substitute "she" for "he", this line is fucking killer: "loud, loutish lover, treat her kindly. [talking to el now] though [he] needs you, more than [he] loves you" OW and then this whole part.... mike's self hatred is just so chefs kiss.

anyway. this song is mostly just there for vibes. its sad. most of the playlist is sad. yk. it doesnt fit perfectly but pls tell me yall understand the vision.

10. electric indigo by the paper kites.

[this section was previously posted on its own here. there are a few details i left off of that version bc they referenced the playlist, this is slightly different.]

this song is the most mike pov to ever pov ITS INSANE. i'm sorry i didn't see you before. i love you and i'm sorry i hurt you. how do i fix this? how do i get you to come back to me? you're getting line by line annotations, fuck you. "never meant to cause you trouble with my coloured lies" hey. hey remember back during does anybody know when we talked abt "the colors in you, they can hurt someone"? "but you holding me with something locked behind your eyes [real love], you're setting me right // cause you got something that i need [real love], something i can't find" "distance never made me stronger, it tore us apart [hello california], i'm calling, im calling to you [BYERS BUSY PHONE LINE THEORY RISE] // and i know i left you questions and a lonely heart [do you even care what i have to say mike? you called twice! etc etc.]" "but you've been waiting long enough to let it go [i've put you through so much for so long, i get that you are probably done with me at this point, i know i would be] // i'll do you right [im gonna make it up to you, i swear], cause time is just a remedy covered in disguise [i grew up, okay? im better, i know more know. im not like that anymore.]" "and all i know is that i want you so heavy on my mind [i think about you all the time. i want to think about you all the time]" "and the feeling grows, when youre dancing slow. i see your fire go electric indigo [i watch you in your element, i watch you paint and be around our friends and argue with your brother....i see you be unapologetically you, and i just... i love you. i love you.] "what's it gonna, what's it gonna take? what's it gonna, what's it gonna take? what's it gonna, what's it gonna take? (x4) [how do i fix this? how do i show you how much i love you? how do i show you how much i love you?]

11. iris by the goo goo dolls, but covered by chris lanzon.

it's iris. do i even need to explain? i chose this cover the same reason i chose IDKHOW's boys dont cry cover. "it feels younger, a little less professional, a little more intimate. i love the cure version, but this one just feels...i don't know. it feels like the emotions of a teenage boy."

12. lover, you should've come over by jeff buckley.

our penultimate track. its about letting go of expectations, thoughts of who you should be and what you should do, and realizing how much you love someone who you let yourself lose. realizing that you're young and you've really messed up, but realizing what you want and seeking forgiveness. it's mike's realization. its a healthy reflection on how he's hurt the people he loves, and what he really wants. who he wants to be. it's mike growing up. he's willing to give up the trivial shit, the judgement of others and himself, to be with will. not even to be with will, just to let himself love will. there's this line, "maybe i'm just too young to keep good love from going wrong //...you should've come over ... well i'll wait for you." he wants will to come back. he knows he's lost will, and he knows its his fault. but he's telling will, "listen. i know you don't owe me anything. but im here. im here, okay? if any part of you still wants me, or even if you don't, im here."

13. time after time by cyndi lauper, but covered by iron & wine.

like boys don't cry and iris, i chose this cover because it feels softer, subtler, and more masculine. its acoustic, youthful, lighter. stronger. do you guys remember the opening line of the playlist? the first time of i can't be with you? "lying in my bed again, and i cry cause you're not here?" our final track, time after time, opens with "lying in my bed, i hear the clock tick and think of you." full circle moment, but time after time is different. those final thoughts are resolute, sure. i know how i feel, and i am here for you. wherever you are, whatever you need, whoever you were and whoever you become. i'm here. i love you. i love you. i love you.

#jesus. fucking. CHRIST.#WOO ITS DONE #oh my god i worked so hard on this #byler #mike wheeler #will byers #mike wheeler i know what you are #music #stranger things (ella's version)#Spotify

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polyamorouscultureis · 1 year

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so this is a specific situation and uh i’d normally talk about it to my best friend bc she’s the only irl person who knows i’m a relationship anarchist but i can’t because it’s about her so i figured id see if you have any advice. so basically we’ve been besties for a few years (i’m in high school) and abt two years ago i had a crush on her and at that time neither of us had really been in a romantic relationship and it was my first real crush, i told her about she didn’t feel the same way and wasn’t ready for any romantic relationships anyway, so i pretty much got over it after a couple months and everything was cool. about a year ago we both started having romantic relationships and honestly none of the people either of us have dated were super great. anyway i’ve been single for a while and so this one time we had a sleepover together we were talking about how dating is hard and how you can’t really tell if people actually like you or just want to date somebody and she wa specifically saying how she wished she could just like kiss her friends and it not be weird (she referenced britney and santanas relationship at the beginning of glee!) and was was agreed with her and later we were cuddling and holding hands (which is pretty normal for us to do, i’m really touchy with my close friends which i actually found out bc of her) but like it felt more intimate than usual? like she was stroking my hair and tracing her fingers down my back and it was really sweet (while a slowed down version of teenage dream by katie perry was playing which feels like it means something) and i kissed her on the cheek/jawbone and she giggled and said i was cute! but ik she has a tendency to just kinda date people or let ppl kiss her bc she doesn’t wanna have to tell people no so i asked if it was okay that i did that and she was like “yeah it’s cool, i trust you, just keep it kinda private”(she’s v private about affection so it’s cool) and after we stopped cuddling she was joking around and sitting on her lap and uh i asked if i could kiss her (at the time i felt very platonic about it) and she said i could, so i did. and it was nice! not the most fireworks he he kiss i’ve had but it is the only one that i don’t think i’ll regret which is probably more important. but anyway a couple weeks later i start having kinda crushy feelings for her again, made a playlist and everything, but i can’t really tell if it’s queerplatonic/ alterous or a ‘normal’ romantic crush bc frankly i’m bad at understanding my own feelings. i think though that i want some sort of romantic friendship with her. honestly i’ve had romantic feelings on and off but she’s always a super important person in my life but she gets so busy i her worried our friendships more important to me than it is her and that feeling kinda sucks even when it’s wrong. but the problem is whatever the feelings are i don’t feel like i can tell her about it bc she started dating someone right after that day where we kissed so i never got the chance to talk about it and she’s Very much monogamous, she’s super supportive of me and whatever style relationships i want and but polyam just isn’t for her at all, so like what do i do? do i tell her i want a queer platonic relationship? do i keep it to myself until i’ve totally figured out what it is i want? or until she’s not in a relationship anymore??? (sorry for rambling on)

First of all this is so extremely cute <33

Second of all, it's hard to give advice in situations like this because there are so many unknowns. It's always a risk telling someone your feelings, especially if in the past they havent reciprocated. And it seems like you feel there is more to lose this time.

I guess the questions to ask yourself are, would it be more painful for you if she decided to stop being flirtatious with you because she didn't want to lead you on, or if she continued to flirt with you platonically after establishing that it will never be in a romantic capacity? What would change between you if you started a romantic relationship and what do you feel you miss out on without it? These are complex questions and it's sometimes hard to know what you want or how you would feel in just a hypothetical situation, but it may at least help point you in the direction you want to go. Best of luck anon!

#advice #polyam asks #polyamory #polyam #polyamorous #lgbtq #poly #polycule #polyamorous culture #poly culture #gay culture #polyam culture

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theminecraftbox · 2 years

Note

Can I vent about something real quick

I don't think it's controversial to say that the way this fandom treats the subject of abuse is... not great. But something I don't see talked about as much is how a lot of fan works sand down the rough edges of survivors' personalities to make them easier to woobify and squeeze them into your run-of-the-mill H/C formula.

And to some extent, I get it. Fluff feels good to write, therapeutic, even. It's easier to love and pity the goid kid who cries softly and waits for a rescuer than the one who snaps at the hand that hurts them - or at the hand trying to help them. There's less there for "antis" to latch onto. And... yeah, some of the braided-hair-fluffy-sweater-cuddly-clingy-catboy designs are very endearing and sweet.

But these depictions usually aren't accurate to the characters in question. Tommy didn't just wait quietly in exile, he snapped out of the conditioning, killed Dream twice, and coped with imprisonment by screaming in autotune for a week. Quackity didn't sit around and cry in Manberg, he argued against Schlatt's policies and insults, put an arrow through him when dared to, and defiled his corpse. Even Dream, who had basically nothing on his side in prison, still talked back and tried to grab a weapon after two months of torture, and gave Sam the grilling of a lifetime followed by execution. And that ties into something I really appreciate about Strangling Fruit - that Dream doesn't completely lose his snark, his cunning, that he's still going to bite if it helps him stay sane, even if Sam sees it as proof that he's still dangerous...

Which leads into my last thought. It's easy to think that a victim can earn better treatment or a "savior" with proper behavior... but that's not really how it works, is it? It doesn't matter how "good" you are, because if somebody is determined to hurt you, they're going to find an excuse eventually.

Idk. I guess there's nothing wrong exactly with wanting to woobify and project on a character, but it always makes me a little antsy. Because as soon as those trauma symptoms start to look "ugly," everybody is going to turn on them. I've seen it happen all too often.

Like you say, I would emphasize that there certainly isn’t anything wrong with woobifying—transformative fan works are meant to be transformative, it’s in the name. In general there should not be judgment attached to wanting to depict a fictional relationship or response to abuse a certain way, no matter if it deviates from canon. No one can be the arbiter of what is the Right way to interact with stories and what is the Wrong way; every writer and every reader has different wants, different needs, different ids, and different relationships to the source material.

But I get what you mean, and it’s something that can bother me too in the wrong context. It’s why I prefer to gravitate towards works where victims are prickly or harmful or downright cruel to other people. What bothers me even worse are works with the premise that the person suffering is now ~ sorry ~ for wrongs they’ve committed.

Suffering can be transformative, but suffering sure as hell isn’t redemptive. Abuse can never be earned. And either way, these characters are still themselves.

#discourse #abuse.#fic talk

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filmcel · 2 years

Text

WORLD WAS ON FIRE NO ONE COULD SAVE ME BUT YOU

#Me trying to figure out which walking dead character this fits as 🤗🤗🤗😂😂😂😂#I NEVER DREAMED THAT ID LOSE SOMEBODY LIKE YOU #captain’s log

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naalbinder · 3 years

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phoebe bridgers // elliott smith parallels

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4BEfu6YZ7XbdHFZBXthIpN?si=6bf8fc460eba4d33

E - Riot Coming - “Sat down in jail with this friend of mine/Who'd never close both his eyes/But one was shut all the time/To cover the thing he was scared of”

E - Stupidity Tries “To sail across the sea of trash”

E - Going nowhere - “The old records are sitting on the floor/The ones I can’t put on anymore”

E - Clementine - “Anything to pass the time/And keep that song out of your mind”

P - Smoke Signals - “One of your eyes is always half-shut/Something happened when you were a kid” - “burning trash out on the beach” - “You said that song'll creep you out until you're dead”

E - Miss Misery - (music videos on the same street)

E - Easy way out - “While I watch you making mistakes/I wish you luck I really do” “I heard you found another audience to bore”

E - Looking Over My Shoulder - “Another sick rock ‘n’ roller acting like a dick”

E - Placeholder - “I'm the person you'll never need/The biggest loser on sixteenth street” - “Just like my favourite song/Some pretty words that didn't last that long”

P - Motion Sickness - “I'll be glad that I made it out/And sorry that it all went down like it did” “You said when you met me, you were bored” - “Hey, why do you sing with an English accent?/I guess it's too late to change it now”

E - Some Song - “Help me kill my time cause I'll never be fine”

P - Funeral - “Jesus Christ i'm so blue all the time/And that's just how i feel/Always have and i always will ”

E - Bled White - “Happy and sad come in quick succession/I’m never going to become what you became”

P - Demi Moore - “I got a good feeling/It doesn't happen very often”

E - St Ides Heaven - “With an open container from 7/11”

E - A Fond Farewell - “A fond farewell to a friend”

P - Scott Street - “With an open heart, open container” - “Anyway, don’t be a stranger / don’t be a stranger”

E - Last Call - “And I think I’m all done, you can switch me off safely/While i’m lying here for sleep to overtake me”

E - Roman Candle - “I’m a roman candle/My head is full of flames ”

P - Killer - “But when I’m sick and tired/And when my mind is barely there/When a machine keeps me alive/And I’m losing all my hair/I hope you kiss my rotten head/And pull the plug” - “Tame the fire in you”

E - Georgia Georgia

P - Georgia - “Georgia, Georgia, I love your son”

E - Twilight - “That you are already somebody’s baby”

E - See you later - “Made out of a night train”

E - King’s Crossing - “Instruments shine on a silver tray”

P - Chelsea - “You are somebody’s baby” - “For a chemical imbalance/You sure know how to ride a train” - “With a needle on a tray”

E - Christian Brothers - “No bad dream fucker's gonna boss me around/Christian brothers gonna take him down”

P - Would you rather - “Quarantined in a bad dream/He's half the man and you're twice as tall”

E - Son of Sam - “Son of Sam, son of a doctors love a nurses touch/Acting under orders from above”

P - You Missed My Heart - “A feeling of relief came over my soul/I couldn't take it any longer, and I lost control”

E - Bye - (instrumental)

E - New Monkey (Instrumental)

P - DVD Menu - (instrumental)

E - Coming up roses - “And you're coming up roses everywhere you go/Red roses follow”

E - Rose Parade - “Said, Won't you follow me down to the Rose Parade?”

P - Garden Song “They're gluing roses on a flatbed/You should see it, I mean thousands”

E - Condor Ave - “I don’t know what to do with your clothes or your letters”

E - Baby Britain - “Fights problems with bigger problems/Sees the ocean fall and rise/Counts the waves that somehow didn’t hit her/Water pouring from her eyes/Alcoholic and very bitter”

E - Say Yes - “I'm in love with the world/Through the eyes of a girl/Who's still around the morning after”

E - Seen How Things Are Hard - “You just didn't care/You were off getting drunk instead”

E - The Biggest Lie - "Oh, I just told the biggest lie/ I just told the biggest lie/The biggest lie"

P - Kyoto - “And you wrote me a letter/But I don't have to read it” - “I wanted to see the world/Then I flew over the ocean/And I changed my mind” - “I wanted to see the world/Through your eyes until it happened/Then I changed my mind” - “I'm gonna kill you/If you don't beat me to it” - "Guess I lied/I'm a liar/Who lies/'Cause I'm a liar"

E - Memory Lane - “Your little house on memory lane ”

E - Angel in the Snow - “Angel in the snow/all crushed out on the way you are”

E - Last Call - “And I wanted her to tell me that she would never wake me”

E - New Monkey - “For the millions of fans ignoring the bands”

E - Waltz #2 - “I'm never gonna know you now/But I'm gonna love you anyhow”

E - Amity - “I'm a neon sign and I stay open all the time”

P - Punisher - “The house where you lived with Snow White” - “But never not sweet to the trust funds and punishers” - “What if I told you/I feel like I know you?/But we never met” - “The drugstores are open all night/The only real reason I moved to the east side”

E - Some Song - “Yeah it's halloween tonight and every night”

E - Pitseleh - “I got a joke I've been dying to tell you/A silent kid is looking down the barrel/To make the noise that I kept so quiet”

P - Halloween - “Baby, it's Halloween” - “I hate living by the hospital/The sirens go all night/I used to joke that if they woke you up/Somebody better be dying”

E - Shooting Star - “So bad, so far/You made me sad/Shooting star/You're distant and cold/And a sight to behold/Everybody just sighs”

E - Satellite - “When they call it a lover's moon, the satellite/'Cause it acts just like lovers do, the satellite/A burned-out world you know/Staying up all night/The satellite”

E - Everything Reminds Me of Her - “Why are you staring into outer space, crying?/Just because you came across it and lost it”

P - Chinese Satellite - “Took a tour to see the stars/But they weren't out tonight/So I wished hard on a Chinese satellite” - “Sometimes, when I can't sleep/It's just a matter of time before I'm hearing things” b- “Instead, I look at the sky and I feel nothing/You know I hate to be alone/I want to be wrong”

E - Coast to Coast - “Still you're keeping me around/'Til I finally drag us both down (Gonna drag us both down)”

E - Little one - “The moonlight tonight/Seems to belong to me” - “One more/Little one, I love you”

E - Coming up Roses - “The moon is a sickle cell/It'll kill you in time” “While the moon does its division/You're buried below”

E - Everything Means Nothing to Me - “At attention, looking backward in a pool of water/Wishes with a blue songbird on his shoulder/Who keeps singing over everything”

E - Pretty Mary K (Other Version) - “oh Mary K, I can see your face/down there in the waves, painted and erased/but I know it's just a reflection of the moon”

P - Moon song - (52) “You asked to walk me home/But I had to carry you” - (53) “And if I could give you the moon/I would give you the moon” - (54) “You are sick and you're married/And you might be dying” - (55/56) “And you pushed me in/And now my feet can't touch the bottom of you” “But you're holding me like water in your hands/When you saw the dead little bird”

E - New Disaster - “Everybody is the same in this long no-win game/Where every new blood/Gets time to become resigned” - “Until everyone knows that your smile is just a ghost/The ghost of your smile was seen on a body in the park”

P - Savior Complex - “Baby, you're a vampire/You want blood and I promised” - “All the bad dreams that you hide/Show me yours, I'll show you mine”

E - Oh well, Ok - “If you get a feeling next time you see me/Do me a favor and let me know/Cause it's hard to tell, it's hard to say 'oh well, Ok'”

E - Last Call - “You're a tongueless talker/You don't care what you say”

E - Angel in the Snow - “Only a cold still life/ that fell down here to lay beside you”

P - ICU - (58) “But I feel something when I see you now/I feel something when I see you” - (59) “I hate your mom/I hate it when she opens her mouth/It's amazing to me/How much you can say/When you don't know what you're talking about” - “laying down on the lawn” “if you’re a work of art/I’m standing too close/I can see the brush strokes”

E - Happiness / The Gondola Man - “What I used to be/Will pass away and then you'll see/That all I want now/Is happiness for you and me”

E - Whatever (Folk Song in C) - “Whatever you're doing now would probably suit me fine/If you're all done, like you said you'd be/What are you doing hanging out with me?”

E - Big Ballad of Nothing - “You can do what you want to whenever you want to/You can do what you want to there's no one to stop you”

P - Graceland too - “Said she knows she lived through it to get to this moment” - “Whatever she wants (Whatever you want)”

E - Bottle up and Explode “Bottle up and go/I can make it outside”

E - A Distorted Reality is Now a Necessity to be Free - “God knows why my country don't give a fuck” - “Shine on me baby, because it's raining in my heart”

E - Alphabet Town - “Alphabet City is haunted”

P - I Know The End - “There's no place like my room” - “To some America First rap country song” “Driving out into the sun/Let the ultraviolet cover me up”- “I'll find a new place to be from/A haunted house with a picket fence”

#phoebe bridgers #elliott smith #playlist

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get-shiggy-with-it · 3 years

Text

Book Drop Boy (Twice x Reader)

✧ pairing: library student worker!Twice x afab!student!Reader

✧ word count: 9.9k

✧ ao3 mirror

✧ warnings: college au/no quirks, maladaptive daydreaming (twice), twice is chaotic af, commits library related crimes, use of the term sweetheart a few times, smut, vaginal fingering/sex, doggy style, afab terms, no pronouns for reader, gratuitous swearing this is potentially the softest thing I've ever written, like she's pretty tame idk what Twice does to me

✧ summary: In which Twice learns that sometimes dreams do come true, except those dreams are just the maladaptive fantasies of a broke library receptionist and, while sexy, also involve more fraud than he expected.

✧ a/n: Hey y'all, this is set in the same universe as my shiggy college piece, but you don't need to have read that. There are some fun little easter eggs though if you have tho. This is like the most tame thing I've ever written and it's way longer than it was meant to be but oh well. Anyway, Twice deserves some love. Enjoy <3

Logically, Jin was aware you probably had no idea who the fuck he was.

But that really didn’t have any effect on the wildly intricate fantasy life he had created for the two of you during his long shifts behind the library reception desk. That, in fact, was the only reason he hadn’t up and quit just to save himself the embarrassment of another loud outburst in the middle of the most silent place on campus.

What was truly more shocking was the fact that none of those said outburst had gotten his ass kicked straight out the door.

But he held out.

If only for you.

Late nights or lazy afternoons you were always in the campus library—studying he assumed or…

'Studying,' because a lot of the time he noticed you’d show up with a drink from the cafe a few blocks down, set out a line of colored pens and not touch a single one of them for hours, content to stare blankly at the chipped desktop. And even that Jin was more than happy to watch.

He did a lot of watching.

Mostly because he wasn’t permitted to leave the desk unattended unless there were piling up returned books which needed to be replaced quickly.

So instead, he pretended to be busy scrolling through something on his old as hell monitor—which was conveniently set up directly across from the comfy chair/desk combo you always managed to grab—and he indulged in day dreams where you’d bring him a coffee from the cafe when you came in and set it on his desk, maybe kiss him on the cheek, maybe loiter by his workstation and play with his hair and—

Yeah.

It was a lot.

But you were always in that chair, always working or pretending to work and you never seemed to notice the uninterrupted hours of staring Jin did, so what was the harm?

If you never knew, you’d never get creeped out—cause it was creepy, he knew that, oh fuckin' boy did he know it was real goddamn weird.

He just couldn’t seem to give it up. Especially when the conditions presented perfectly for some good uninterrupted, totally not stalker-y at all, fantasizing.

Sometimes he thought you might have some mundane superpower that let you always snatch that perfect seat right across from his computer, and made it so the library was just cool enough that he’d get to watch you shrug on that cute extra sweatshirt you always brought. So he could catch a glimpse of some skin—in a totally normal and not invasive way—when your arms went over your head. So he could imagine it was his ratty old sweaters you were wearing just so you could smell him on you and god he really wanted to get close enough to smell you—was that too weird? No. Yes? No.

Not at all.

But the best part, the part that really convinced him on those awful days when he really just could not be bothered to drag himself out of bed and walk the couple blocks to campus just to sit in awful silence alone, in his head alone with the fucking thoughts that made him want to rip his hair out—

What made it worth it was those times every few weeks when your classes would get new assigned readings. Because then you’d have to check out new textbooks, since you were one of those geniuses that had figured out the library kept a ton of those books in stock. Of course you were, cause you were fucking perfect.

And when you had to check out new books, you had to come to reception.

Jin got to watch as your lovely figure moved through the stacks like you were ballroom dancing along the halls of faded, sea-green shelves, almost floating over the linoleum trying to find just the right volume in the right addition before anyone else beat you to it.

It was one of the most gorgeous things he’d ever seen.

Spinner would call him a fucking simp if he ever dared to uttered any of that out loud, but it didn’t matter.

If it was you, he’d simp for fucking life.

And then, you’d walk that fucking glorious ass over to his desk and plop the books down, smiling—cause you were polite like that, so fucking perfect he couldn’t hardly believe it sometimes—and asking how his day was while he checked you out in every sense of the phrase.

In a completely platonic and not freaky way.

So Jin kept coming to work, to that god awful job he really hated and which hated him just as vehemently. He clocked in every day and waited patiently like a fucking puppy counting the hours till its workaholic owner arrived home, ears perking up when you walked through the door and flashed your ID to the attendant.

If only for that.

He’d put up with his boss’ complaints and the weird stares he got when the thoughts just wouldn’t stay in his head anymore and he had to start talking to himself to fill the silence.

If only for that.

Those few hours when he could lose himself in the fake inner life where you were waiting for him when his shift let out, waiting to gather him, tired and understimulated, into your arms. Where you’d sneak into the back room with him just to chat and lace your fingers with his and maybe sit that fucking wonderful ass up on the tables so he could stand in between your thighs and you’d pull him down to—

Yeah.

That was enough.

***

It wasn’t until Tuesday when he had to come in again that week, and he already knew it was gonna suck balls.

Friday he’d gotten another round of complaints from some stuck up fucking business students—it was always the fucking business majors with those silver spoons so far up their asses—snitching to his boss that he’s been ‘disruptive’ and ‘disturbing’ during his last shift.

“Not my fucking fault,” he muttered under his breath, kicking a rock along the side walk he’d picked up two blocks before. “Yes it is. No it’s not!”

Jin groaned and tugged at his hair, wishing he’d brought a Tylenol or something to curb the headache that was already sticking it’s ugly ass claws into his temples. He really, really heavily contemplated just ditching, calling in sick or some shit. Technically he was a student worker, so they had to work with his DRS accommodation and he was actually having a bad fucking time.

But one of his friends had already texted to ask if he’d try and reserve them that sweet ass study room on the third floor and Jin wasn’t really looking to disappoint anyone else this week. Besides, it was fun to abuse his minuscule power. Fun to go corrupt for once. Fight the system and all that.

He liked to think you’d be proud of him for it, based on the kinds of texts you checked out at least.

So, he dragged his sad ass back to the looming library looking far too much like a prison than was necessary and clocked in. Actually, the first thing he did was check the chair—your chair and nobody else’s chair, he might actually make a fucking scene if somebody ever did steal it—and his face visibly fell when you were not occupying it.

It was a bit early, Jin supposed as he paused briefly when he noticed the can of Monster and rando vending machine chips sitting next to it by the reception computer. The sticky note slapped to the top read 'For your troubles' in familiar handwriting and that pulled a bit of a smile from him as he quickly rearranged the scheduling of study room sign ups so the fancy third floor room would be free for the rest of the night.

Then Jin sat, staring at the study room schedules for a moment, feeling his eyes softly glaze over until a hand slapped down on the raised lip of the reception desk.

“Hey bro,” Spinner greeted him with a wild smile and a flurry of bright pink hair.

Jin had to blink a few extra times to get his vision to clear. When it did he saw, horrifyingly, that he’d been staring at the fucking blank screen for two hours without moving.

Why was it that his head was either deadly quiet, devoid of even a single errant thought or so loud as fucking shit at all times that he couldn’t physically keep the thoughts in?

“Hey, dude, what’s up?” Jin asked, running a hand through his unruly hair.

“Aren’t you supposed to like shush me or something?”

Spinner chuckled a bit at his own god awful joke and Jin couldn’t find it in himself to be annoyed, too glad for the company.

“I mean,” he shrugged, popping the can of Monster and ignoring the dirty looks he got for the sound. “I would if I was, uh, good at my job.”

“Which I’ve heard you definitely are not,” Spinner wrapped his fingers over the lip of the desk and leaned back on his heels, swaying side to side idly.

“You’re just figuring that out now?”

Jin didn’t bother watching while Spinner nearly tripped over himself fidgeting as he spun to stand at the little gate that corralled Jin inside like livestock. He was too busy glancing over to check you hadn’t slipped in while his brain had taken a trip to the astral plane without him.

“No, I been knew, but my sources tell me you’ve gone off the rails my friend,” long legs stepped over the wooden partition until the only friend he had who was quite possibly more annoying than Jin himself was sat on the counter next to his computer. “Finally been radicalized have you?”

Jin huffed and sipped his Monster, “Guess it fuckin’ took me long enough.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Spinner was messing about with the stacks of multicolored sticky notes littered across the desk before glancing up to wink at Jin. “So what can I get you to do for me in exchange for free food?”

“Now I really am gonna fucking shush you,” Jin smashed his finger against Spinners grin only to get a hand covered in spit for his trouble.

“Right, right,” Spinner held his hands up in defeat, “can’t have you cheating on your sweetheart.”

“Not my—yes I’m in a committed fictional relationship thank you very much—ugh!”

Jin could feel the heads shooting up from laptop screens and textbooks to stick daggers in his back with their angry stares. Spinner at least had the good sense to look a little fucking guilty for egging him on.

“Sorry bro, I had to shoot my shot ya know?” a hand disappeared into the mop of bubblegum locks in apology.

“It’s fine…” Jin trailed off, mumbling and blushing more than a little profusely as he turned to check the book drop box. “Not like I’m ever gonna fuckin’ shoot mine anyway.”

“Oh we are not gonna have that kinda of shit discussion,” Spinner’s hand shot out and grabbed him firmly by the shoulders, spinning Jin in his chair. “On god bro, we’re gonna get you a date one of these days.”

Jin didn’t dignify that kind of lie with a response.

Spinner once again, had the good sense to not push the envelope any farther.

“And in the meantime, you can come to the League meeting tonight!”

“Your gaming club thing?”

“Yeah, it’s Smash night and we need to fill a space sooooo…”

Jin knew Spinner and his roommate—the same friend who he’d gone study room rogue for—had started a gaming club their freshman year. Spinner had been trying to strong arm him into attending ever since. To, as he put it, ‘socialize,’ and ‘make new friends.’ All things which Jin was patently horrible at and avoided like the plague.

Needless to say, he’d refused every time.

It wasn’t just the whole being alone with like two people he kinda knew in a room full of strangers. Games themselves were just a lot for him. The flashing colors and the loud noises made his head—which was already so fucking full all the time and he really needed to keep any extra scrap of space for extra random facts he picked up about you and your future married life together—get a bit misaligned.

They just weren’t his jam most of the time.

“I’m good, thanks for the offer though,” Jin twisted out of Spinner’s grasp and craned his head to check your seat again.

Still empty.

He sighed.

Spinner continued to ramble and Jin continued to only half listen. It wasn’t as pleasant to day dream when you weren’t there for the added visual aesthetic. And he was trying to not be a dick and ignore the one friend he had managed to keep around over the years. But it was hard when his mind had a mind of its own.

Wow.

Meta.

“Jin?”

The voice—deep and dark in such a dramatically ominous way it might have been funny if it didn’t belong to his permanently disgruntled supervisor—interrupted his already derailing train of thought.

“Oh, uh, hello sir,” Jin stuttered, turning to find Kurogiri leaning against the reception desk with one arm, turning only slightly to accommodate Spinner’s form bolting over the gate and out the library doors.

He did manage to throw a fading, “See ya later, bro” over his shoulder before he disappeared around the corner.

Yeah thanks for the warning, bro.

“Aren’t you supposed to be reshelving the books from the drop box?” Kurogiri sighed, perpetually disappointed in a way that had Jin’s face burning and shame bubbling up in his throat.

He hated this job. He was objectively terrible at it, and so usually he wouldn’t give that much of a shit at not doing it well. Kurogiri just had some type of vibe—like daddy but not in the sexy way Spinner always joked about—that made it really, really upsetting to let him down.

Father figure? Yeah that's what it was called.

“Right, yeah um, sorry,” Jin nodded quickly and leapt from his chair, only mildly bruising his knee on the desk as he reached to empty the book drop.

Another incorporeal sigh was the only acknowledgement he received as he loaded the cart with wheels louder than Jin on a particularly bad day and rolled the pile of books back to the stacks. He paused once more, just before the sea green shelving units swallowed him up, to sneak another futile peak at your chair. But it still sat empty—empty and lonely with no you and cold without your body pressed against the worn upholstery.

Jin felt a chill too, a slow tingling thing that worked its way up from the base of his spine. It drove him deeper into the walls of books, away from the empty spaces.

It was harder to look.

Harder to be reminded of what he did not have.

Of what he’d never have cause he was too much of a goddamn pussy to ever just fucking talk to you—

But then what if he did? What if he did talk to you? What would happen then?

Those were the types of questions he tried to avoid when crafting your intricate, fictional lives together. Precisely because they were the easiest to answer.

You’d realize within the first five minutes or so of conversation—if Jin could even make it that far without embarrassing himself—that he was just a generic brand weirdo that all your pretty, normal, aesthetically pleasing friends would warn you to stay away from and because you were also pretty and normal and not a fucking idiot, you’d have the common sense to listen.

He’d lose you in the blink of an eye.

Your chair would sit cold and empty forever and the imaginary garden he’d been planting for you to come imaginarily home too would wilt and die like all the other happy thoughts in his head.

It was quite the conundrum and one Jin was not keen to solve soon.

Not that things ever really went his way. Cause problems could only be avoided for so long before all that time spent ignoring them came back to bite him full on the ass.

Which, apparently, came this time in the form of what had to be quiet, muffled sobbing drifting in between the shelves from the back hallway.

It was dark here in this section of the building—free of most windows so as not to cause any sunning damage to the books—and Jin had seen more than enough horror movies to know that it was a horrendous idea to follow the ominous crying sounds coming from the bowls of this old as fuck building. But even as he made up his mind to ignore it, the hand currently working one of the returns back into its proper place dropped the book to his cart as his feet slowly turned to face the corridor.

He looked around skeptically for a second, not entirely certain his poor brain hadn’t simply malfunctioned again, as it was wont to do, and fabricated the sound entirely. But as he peaked out from between the stacks, and down the dimly lit hall, he heard it again.

Echoey and soft in the wide, empty space it—was definitely coming from the hall and it was definitely a person.

Jin caught himself moving without ever meaning too, the books laying forgotten as he crept towards the source of the noise and paused just before leaving the stacks entirely. This hall was full of small alcoves built into the centuries old walls and led to the lesser used storage portions of the library that only the janitorial staff and the university librarians ever entered. He really didn’t want to stumble across someone from the special collections department bawling over a damaged or lost manuscript.

But his wayward feet pushed him forward, too sympathetic for his own good. He found himself shuffling down the abandoned hall, peering into each small dip in the walls to find the source of his distraction.

And when he did, Jin was—for once in his life—thankful for his lack of self-preservation instincts.

And cursed his blatant lack in interpersonal skills.

Because it was you.

You curled with your knees to your chest and your head in your hands, shoulders shaking, as you cried into your palms.

The universe had handed him maybe the only golden opportunity he would ever get on right on a platter.

But Jin didn’t have a fucking clue what do with it.

And there certainly wasn’t much time to formulate a game plan as his nervous breathing and sudden intake of breath upon discovering his imaginary lover sniffling right in front of him, had certainly alerted you to his presence.

Your head shot up in an instant, knocking dully against the stone wall with a thud.

“Shit,” you cursed and hands flying up to cover the area as Jin jumped on the spot at your outburst.

“Are you okay?” he asked lamely as you glanced over at him, eyes red and wet and so fucking sad oh fucking god, widening as you realized you’d been caught.

“Huh? Ye—oh uh, yes,” your words came out jumbled, legs unfolding quickly to push yourself off the bench and hands wiping furiously at your eyes. “I’m fine, sorry.”

“You sure about that?”

Jin cringed visibly and frowned at the way you deflated under his stare. God the first fucking time he actually talks to you and he already made an ass of himself.

Spinner’s roommate was such a liar, it really fucking sucked to be right sometimes.

“I mean,” you crumpled back down onto the ledge and Jin took a careful step closer, “no, but yes. Like I’m definitely having a breakdown in the back of the fucking library but I don’t wanna, uh, bother you with that. So, yeah I’m good.”

“You can bother me,” he replied way too fucking quickly.

But he couldn’t really be embarrassed about it. Your voice was just so captivating, and you weren’t talking to him in that raised pitch anymore like you usually did—the way everyone does when they’re trying to be surface level and polite. No this was your voice how you sounded when you were relaxing with your friends or making breakfast in the morning or talking to yourself in the shower (he liked to think you did that, or sang maybe as you worked the soap into your skin, one of the two but he always imagined you filled silences with how fucking pretty you were).

“No, really. That would be weird, right?”

Jin grimaced as you fixed him with a watery yet suspicious stare.

Yeah it was weird.

Everything he did concerning you was weird, objectively. He was definitely being over-familiar and too eager, especially considering you didn’t fucking know him.

But he knew you.

Jin felt like he’d known you for all months he’d spent pretending to be by your side.

And you were crying and he had to do something.

“I mean, yeah I guess,” he mumbled, taking a risk and plopped down on the opposite end of the alcove and resting his head on the wall. “But not any weirder than having a breakdown in the employees only section of the library building on a Tuesday.”

You kept staring blankly for a few moments before the most miraculous thing happened.

Jin had to physically stop his jaw from hitting the floor when the quiet giggle bubbled up from your chest and spilled out into the hall, warm enough to melt even the freezing linoleum floor.

“Yeah, you’ve got a point,” your voice cracked a bit as a few more tears slid like pearls down your cheeks.

“My name’s Jin,” he said, shocked stupid both by your laugh and the apparent success of his comforting methods.

“Oh, hi, well I guess I don’t have to call you book drop boy anymore,” you rubbed at your face again and tucked your legs back into your chest, though it looked a bit more relaxed this time.

Not so trying-desperately-to-fade-out-of-existence.

“You called me that?” Jin asked, brain still functioning at half capacity, only shocked at the fact that he existed as a concept in your head enough to have a name and realizing a bit too late how accusatory he must have sounded. “Shit, I mean it’s totally fine I just didn’t think you, uh, well I mean, like, knew about me I guess?”

You finally smiled and his brain power cut out another fourth at being personally graced by the expression this close up.

“Yeah, you always check me out—fuck sorry not that you check me out, just you scan my books and I just called you ‘book drop boy’ in my head cause I never got a chance to ask for your name but I have it now so that’s cool….”

Your head dropped back down to your knees as you groaned and Jin suddenly felt a lot less nervous than he had a few seconds ago.

You were weird too.

For so long you’d existed on this pedestal thousands of feet in the air, and now you were stepping down from the heavens and onto earth. Not in a bad way! Just, Jin had never really stopped to think that you might be a person too.

Well.

No, he knew you were a person, just he never thought you might get flustered and ramble and be nervous in front of him.

Cause he was a fucking train wreck—the bar was so goddamn low.

It was almost as comforting as your smile.

“Oh, yeah sorry I’m not the best at customer service if you couldn’t tell,” he sighed and ran a hand through his wild hair.

You looked back up with a wry grin, “I don’t know, I’d say you’re going above and beyond right now.”

And you were funny.

He was gonna fucking combust.

“Ha, yeah, I try,” he trailed off for a moment before glancing back at your curled in your corner, fuck he could just imagine sitting behind you, your head on his chest while you—”So uh, did you wanna talk about it or…?”

“Uh, yeah,” you picked idly at the grouting of the stone and mumbled, “I guess it’s not so weird if we’re on a first-name basis.

And that was how Jin discovered that you’d been hiding in the back of the library bawling your eyes out for hours—since even before his shift started. Apparently you’d gotten here extra early, even skipped a class, to snag some super specific required text for your final thesis and right before you got to the shelf some jackass swooped in, effectively hit and running with the only copy of that book on campus.

The book in questions was one of the newer additions that had special added footnotes you needed for your paper and was a whopping 500 fucking dollars to rent from every other place online. You couldn’t afford it, and honestly what fucking student could? But you needed it to complete the paper or you’d fail and Jin very much understood the need for a good breakdown after a catastrophe like that.

“Damn, that’s uh, fucking awful,” he frowned on your behalf as your head hit the wall a second time in frustration.

“Yeah so, I’m like royally fucked either way. Now I just gotta decide which hole I’m taking it in I guess,” you groaned.

Jin’s eyebrows raised at your choice of words but they were apt, he supposed. People really do get comfortable with each other pretty quick when bonding over shared institutional rage.

“Well,” he began, wringing his hands nervously at what he was about to suggest. “You might be in luck cause I’ve recently decided to abuse my library powers for good and I maybe, possibly, could try and see if there’s some strings I can pull?”

You perked up a bit, looking at him incredulously.

Jin felt comfortably full under your stare.

“Seriously?”

The word was soft and it bounced off the walls just as much as it did the inside of his skull.

Swapping study rooms to help a friend out was one thing. But falsifying checkout dates for someone he barely knew—had essentially married in his maladaptive fantasies—could get him fired.

He hated this job but he needed it.

Were you worth the risk?

Of course, he found himself thinking without hesitation.

You were everything.

“Yeah, sure,” he nodded, any lingering uncertainty washing away at the way you looked at him through your lashes. “I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t mean it.”

“Are you always this nice?”

Jin didn’t answer right away. He was too caught up in how you’d leaned forward on your hands across the bench, peering like he was some exotic animal or a stray cat in the parking lot—all soft wonderment with fingers curling like they ached to grab hold and rescue him from this parchment scented monotony.

“Not always…”

“Should I feel special then?”

If his face wasn’t red before, it was now. Red and blistering under the summer campfire heat that radiated off you—woodsy and warm and so painfully familiar like an old friend’s hand.

“...I guess you—fucking definitely, ” he quite nearly shouted the last bit, startled by his own volume and already mortified at the outburst but then you chuckled again from beside him.

He turned to see you standing and offering a hand which he gladly too if only to feel the weight of your palm against his.

“Well, you’ll have to let me pay you back then.”

“Oh, no you don’t actually—”

You held a hand up and the words turned to ash on his tongue in an instant, mouth glued shut by your gesture.

“Coffee on me or something, there’s a nice cafe a few blocks from here,” you dropped your hand and your eyes were clear now, no sign of the previous afternoon sobbing alone in the hallway. Jin felt a surge in his chest knowing he was the one who did that. “You gotta pass off the contraband anyway, and I don’t think it would be that great of an idea to do it here.”

God you were fucking perfect.

“Can’t argue with that.”

***

Jin was sweating profusely as he snuck past the library attendant, totally inconspicuous and not not all looking like he was doing a single thing wrong in the slightest.

Yeah they definitely didn’t suspect a thing.

The process of fraud was actually a lot less complicated of an undertaking that Jin had expected. All he had to do was search up the book, find the student that had stolen the success of his sweetheart’s educational career and flag his account. They’d get an automated message about the flag, instructing them to return any borrowed items or they’d be forced to pay fines while the account was examined.

Technically he needed administrator credentials to report student accounts, but luckily Kurogiri had his login info written on a sticky note hidden on the back of the monitor. All in all it was a pretty easy job.

The whole thing had taken only a matter of days, in which time you had returned to the library only twice—the first to get confirmation on the success of Jin’s newest descent into low level crime which had set his heart thundering in his chest as you bent conspiratorially over his desk, your face just inches from his.

The second time, Jin had horrifically been absent from his desk, however he was met with possibly the most wonderful sight of his life upon returning from the labyrinth of shelves.

On one of the hundreds of post-it note pads that littered the library reception area, there were scribbles that he was sure hadn’t been there before. He almost tossed it, but upon closer inspection, you’d written your number there and signed just below it. In the cutest fucking handwriting he’d ever seen—cute not for any stylistic reason, but it simply felt that way just by virtue of it being yours—was written the digits and “-for book drop boy”

The noise he made reading that turned more than a dozen heads and almost got him fired there on the spot before any of his indiscretions were even discovered, but he couldn’t find it in himself to regret it.

So, nerve wrackingly, Jin texted you as he nearly sprinted home from his shift after that piece of shit asshole who made you cry had trudged angrily in and dropped off his ‘stolen’ book.

— HEY IT’S JIN!

— from the library

— shit sorry that wasn’t meant to be in caps

— n e way….

— I’ve intercepted the ~package~ so whenever you’re ready for the hand off, I’m good

Most perfect fucking human being to…

Oh my god thank you so much!!!—

Is tomorrow at like 5ish good for you?—

Also send me your order—

so we don’t have to do that awkward waiting in line for drinks bit—

Holy fuck you multi-texted too! Spinner would roll over in his fucking grave, he hated when Jin did that. But there was always so much to say and he could never think of it all at the same time. Plus, you wanted to save him from that god awful silence where you both stand in line next but he can’t talk cause he has keep repeating his order in his head over and over or he’ll blank when he gets to the register so it’s just this painful weird glancing back and forth—

Ugh, maybe all the shit about manifestation that girl who always loaned him exacto knives in his sculpting class always talked about was real.

Cause there was no way you weren’t just heaven-sent, handcrafted especially for him and all his general brand of weird.

The hours which usually flew by without Jin’s notice dragged all that night. He was so full of excess energy that made his hand shake and his thoughts race, not sure what to do with themselves now that they didn’t need to fantasize about you.

He decided to use all that extra motivation to vacuum the kitchen at 4:30 in the morning, much to his roommates' chagrin. She liked to get a nice solid eight hours every night and constantly reminded Jin of this, trying to sell him on that sleepy time tea before bed, though he really hated the smell of camomile.

Magne may lose out on some of her beauty sleep—not that she needed it and Jin would tell her that constantly, even if he did have some patently horrible judgment most of the time so he wasn’t really the best at offering reassurance—but the kitchen would be clean when she woke up so win-win really.

When she did wake up—wandering out of her room looking effortlessly put together in a way Jin could never hope to emulate—she sat at the table, sipping her tea and appraising him worriedly.

Jin was still in his jeans from the day before, hair spiking in every direction but down, and chewing his nails nervously despite losing most of them to the hour or two of early morning floor scrubbing.

“Babe,” she shook her head slowly, “take a breath.”

“Yeah okay,” he sighed and inhaled deeply, letting himself slide off the couch cushions and to the newly sparkling floors on the exhale.

“There, now wanna share what the hell is going on?”

He glanced up at her from the hardwood and groaned as she looked back down, brows furrowed over her glasses.

“Huhh, okay. So that absolute work of art from the library is meeting me for coffee later cause I have trade over this book I sort of stole, it’s a long story, and I don’t know if it’s a date—it sounds like a date, cause that’s where people go for dates and shit—but it might just be to pay me back for stealing the book. And if it is I’ve only ever been on that one date before which was with fucking Spinner like two years ago so—”

Magne held up a hand to quiet Jin before the speed of his words tied his tongue in physical knots. She looked contemplative, taking another soft sip of tea and nodding her head for a moment getting up to crouch on the floor by his head.

“You think too much for your own good, but never about the right things,” she mumbled, smoothing some of the hair from his face. “Does it really matter if this is a date or not?”

Jin blinked. “What do you mean?”

“Well,” she chuckled in that way people do when kids ask them obvious questions—kindly, appreciative of the curiosity, “either way you cut it, you’ll be spending time with this person you like, yeah?”

“Mhm,” he hummed and sat up to face her as she stood.

“A date is just hanging out with a special name anyway,” Magne’s hands were firm but gentle as she hoisted Jin off the floor and onto his feet. “You’ll be fine.”

His shoulders slumped both in mild relief and dejection that he’d waisted so much precious time he could have been preparing possible topics of conversation or strategies to ask you out for real date on worrying over how this first time would go.

How did Magne always fucking know all this stuff?

Other people were such a mystery to him.

To be fair, though, Jin was a mystery to himself most of the time as well.

“Thanks, sorry for not saying anything about it earlier,” he sniffed as she smiled and pinched his cheek way fucking harder than necessary.

“It’s alright, I’m only a little insulted you waited until now to tell me about this massive crush you’ve developed.”

“Yeah it’s got its own gravitational pull at this point.”

Magne laughed at that and Jin felt the room lighten.

“I do expect details when you get back though,” she said pointedly, finishing her tea wandering back to her room to grab her bag. “Spinner asked me, very begrudgingly might I add, to fill in at another of his club tournament things tonight so I’ll be out late.”

“Really? I didn’t think you liked that stuff.”

Jin shuffled over to her doorway and peaked into the neat little space. Magne was rummaging through the meticulously organized closet and frowning as she answered.

“I do, Spinner just doesn’t agree with my battle strategies,” she huffed. “My alignment is far too ‘chaotic’ and ‘recklessly violent’ for his tastes apparently.”

“Oh, yeah that makes sense,” Jin laughed this time just envisioning the two of them stuck on a team. “Well have fun with that.”

“Yeah well,” she brushed by him into the hall, keys jangling as she went and calling over her shoulder. “Text me how it goes, and wear that new button up you got last week, it looks good on you!”

***

Much to Jin’s surprise and delight, Magne was right.

He was fine.

Fine was a bit subjective—as he was most certainly still highkey panicking on main as he got out of his last class and walked the short few blocks to the cafe on campus—but regardless he was perfectly okay.

Of course that all went right out the fucking window in the split second between him walking in and you already staring at the door as he entered. Your eyes widened just a bit and this smile broke out slowly across your cheeks when you waved him over and it was like suddenly every single creepy as hell day dream had just become reality.

It was a little overwhelming to say the least.

His heart may have actually stopped in his chest for a bit and he did contemplate the possibility that Kurogiri might have actually discovered his little plot, murdered him in cold blood and stuffed his body in the records room. This might all just be the afterlife, but that would mean that Jin had gone to some kind of heaven which didn’t really add up with his current tract record.

But it was fine.

Because you were really fucking easy to talk to.

Like, really fucking easy.

It was sorta strange actually, how you seemed to know all this shit he was into before he even really mentioned it.

After you traded off the goods, you both sat in the big comfy couches upstairs in the loft and you listened to him info dump, inevitably getting lost down innumerable unrelated tangents. You managed to keep up well enough though and not question the winding conversation.

“Damn,” he said, sipping at the last dregs left behind in his cup. “How do you know about all this stuff?”

“Uh,” you paused then, looking maybe just a bit sheepishly into your own drink. “I may or may not have spent a considerable amount of time eavesdropping into your conversations while you’re on shift.”

He saw flashes at that moment—dial up sounds going off between his ears.

Jin.exe has stopped working.

“...What?”

You grimaced and hid your face in your hands for a moment, “I know it sounds really creepy, my friends just sorta made a, um, game out of it? They tease me a lot about going to study at the library just cause of the cute guy that works there, so we all kinda stalk you a little bit just—wow this is sounding exponentially worse and worse every second.”

He gaped a bit despite himself as you cringed visibly and Jin tried to discreetly pinch his thigh to make sure this really wasn’t some sort of cruel, cruel fever dream.

“You think I’m cute…?”

He blinked once and your eyes shot up to meet his, a pained, half smile caught between your teeth. “I mean, yeah. I kinda thought I was being a bit obvious, sorry.”

“What no, holy fuck,” he spluttered, face on fire and legs bouncing restlessly against the couch across from you. “Don’t apologize, I have a, uh, staring habit too I guess.”

“I know,” you rubbed at the back of your neck and Jin didn’t think it was possible for you to be anymore endearing. “I’ve noticed, that’s like the whole reason I insisted on buying you a drink.”

“So wait is this a date?”

Jin wished almost immediately that he hadn’t asked, because Magne was right, it super didn’t matter but fucking shit on a stick he really wanted it to be a date!!!!

“Yeah,” you nodded. “If you’d like that.”

“Yes!—ah, I mean, uh yeah mhm,” Jin choked on his spit with enthusiasm, but it did earn him a concerned shoulder pat so he’d take the win.

It also afforded him the opportunity to walk you home after hours chatting until the streets were lit by burnt orange lamps and the cafe was closing. You didn’t live all that far from him actually and when you stopped to point out your door, the two of you were overcome by that telltale, charged silence.

Filled with potential.

Like a gas stove waiting for a spark to go up in flames.

It was you that struck the match.

“So, um, I promise I don’t just, uh, do this with everyone but, do you wanna maybe come inside,” you let your hand trail down his arm and slip into his palm, “I don’t feel like you’ve been properly compensated for saving my ass.”

Jin’s mouth was watering at the thought. He nodded slowly, eyes like saucers as you pulled him up your steps and through the door which shut promptly behind him.

Your place was nice in the sense that it fit you. He wasn’t really paying all that much attention to his surroundings as you locked the door and squeezed his hand in yours, leading him towards the end of the entrance hall.

When he stepped through to your bedroom, you toed off your shoes and he did the same, staring nervously and waiting for you to show him what exactly you meant by ‘further compensation.’

It was exactly what he’d hoped.

You approached him, still in the doorway, and stepped close so your chests brushed together. It was soft, the way you looked at him, sort of fuzzy around the edges while your hands trailed down his arms to place his palms at your waist.

It wasn’t like Jin hadn’t done this before—he totally had and definitely remembered all of it and wasn’t shit faced at all nope—but it hadn’t really mattered before. He knew in theory that he should take the lead, be a gentleman and make the first move and holy fucking god he was dying over there with the desire to finally live out his months and months of fantasies

But what if he did it wrong?

What if he ruined it now when he was so close to the finish line?

He’d never fucking forgive himself for it, and he could goddamn hear Magne in his head.

“You think too much for your own good.”

And he did, and he was right now, cause the room was only dimly lit by the street light streaming in through the window and you were reaching out to loop your arms behind his neck.

Should he lean down now?

Tilt left or right?

What if he clacked your teeth together?

What if—

Your lips were soft and hot against his, rubbing at the stubble on his chin before pressing close in that precious, puzzle-piece way human bodies fit together. He didn’t do much thinking after that.

His hands were too busy digging into the flesh of your hips separated by way to many fucking layers of fabric, and he couldn’t quite stop himself from indulging just a bit. Jin sucked gently at your lower lip, knees going weak at the glorious fucking sound you made in the back of your throat as he licked over the taught skin and tugged it between his teeth.

He could feel you smiling into his mouth, sharing breath and raking your fingers through the hair at the base of his neck. Jin groaned and you—fucking cheeky little bastard—slipped your tongue right past his lips and licked at the back of his fucking teeth like a popsicle in July.

Your hands in his hair hard tugged and his breath was coming faster, lips gliding against yours as the room turned to steam around him.

Through the haze he clung to the few remaining seconds of clarity.

Jin pulled away for one painful second to mumble against your lips.“You meant have sex, right?”

“Yeah,” your voice was barely more than a whisper, but you nodded frantically and rolled your hips against his.

“Ohh fuck, ‘kay good, thank god.”

For once Jin had nothing more to add.

And you weren't exactly willing to give him back his tongue long enough for any interruptions anyway.

***

“Holy fucking shit, look at you,” Jin gasped into your ear.

Both of your clothes had been discarded long ago, and he had your bare back to his chest while he sat propped against the headboard with your legs hooked on either side of his knees. It didn’t afford him the best view, but he got your head resting on his shoulder and pretty moans spilling right into his ear.

He didn’t need to see your pussy anyway.

The slick pouring out of your pretty fucking hole and coating his fingers as he pumped two of them into you was more than enough. His other hand wandered in the lovely expanse of space between your chest and your waist, running softly over the skin and pausing to pinch and roll your nipples just to hear you whine.

His cock was so fucking hard, trapped between your ass and his stomach, twitching every time you thrust your hips to meet the movement of his wrist.

“Jin, fuck please-”

You used his name every time you begged him for more and it was really going to his head.

“You’re so goddamn perfect, I’m gonna fucking ruin you,” he groaned and sunk his fingers deeper into your soaking cunt while his mouth dropped to your neck and sucked hard to mark you lovely skin.

He licked at the indents of his teeth, tasting your sweat on his tongue that tangled with yours again as your hand reached for his cheek and pulled him in. It was less of a kiss and more of a sloppy forming of your mouths that left you connected by a silvery string of spit that flashed in the low light. Jin sighed at the sight, rutting his hips against the cleft of your ass.

Your thighs twitched where they were spread and your hips lifted off the mattress to meet the languid thrusts of his fingers that curled up on every push in to hear the hitch in your breath.

He took pity on you and brought his other hand down to rub circles on your clit, listening for the telltale whimpers and the way your nails dug into his arm to find the perfect rhythm.

“I don’t really—mm, there fuck—feel like I’m paying you back right now,” you mumbled nipping your own trail of stepping stone bruises onto his throat as he picked up the pace and held steady on that sweet bundle of nerves.

“Are you fucking serious?”

He didn’t really mean to full on growl at you then, but just the thought that you’d really believe he wasn’t about to fucking drown in ecstasy just from watching you get off—just from touching, speaking, being in anyway acknowledged by you at all. Jin nudged your head to the side and bit down harshly into the crook of your neck, shuddering as you moaned and arched against his chest.

In any other scenario, he could never really find the right balance between too many words and not enough. The sheer volume of thoughts and interjections that raced like cars reaching the end of rush hour traffic made the formulation of any coherent conversation impossible, but now—

Now with your body so pliant in his hands, so willing and sweet and wanting him.

Wanting him.

What a concept.

He needed you to understand, to know how fucking over the moon, sunshine bright you had him burning.

And for once, he finally had the words to do it.

After all, he’d had months to prepare.

It was surprisingly easy to change your positions, to pull away from you for just a moment so he could roll and cage you on your hands and knees under him, ass in the air nestled against his cock.

“You really don’t think I’m getting anything out of this?” he groaned into you ear, rocking his length against you both for emphasis and because it felt so fucking good.

“Ah, well ya know,” your voice was so wrecked he was desperate to find out how much it would take for you to lose it entirely. “When you put it like that—mmh—I just feel bad you’re doing all the work. ”

You had this cheeky fucking grin on your face when you rocked forward so back so his cock slipped down to your dripping lips. The heat of your cunt was mesmerizing and it took a fuck ton of self control Jin was unaware he possessed to not ram straight into you right then.

“Yeah cause I’ve wanted to for fucking months goddamn it’s driving me insane.”

“What?”

Now that he’d started, Jin couldn’t find it in himself to stop. His hands dug hard into your hips, rocking so the tip of his dick caught your clit and you shivered below him, hot skin sliding with the motion of your bodies.

“It’s all I think about whenever I see you,” he was shaking when his hand reached down to grip himself, spreading your folds and soaking his length in your slick. “When you come in to work I just fucking lose myself thinking about how bad I want you to be mine, my pretty fucking thing to bring me coffee while I work and let me fuck you in the backroom.”

You whimpered under him, face pressed into the mattress as he draped himself over you, chest to back with his breath ghosting over your ear.

“Literal hours I just sit there at that awful fucking job and I only keep coming cause of you, cause I can watch you sit all cute in your chair and watch the way your cheeks squish up when you put your face in your hands and imagine they’re my hands and I’m about to spit in your fucking mouth so you remember who you belong too.”

“I—” you were nearly choking on the drool that soaked through your sheets as Jin lined himself up with your pretty little hole, pressing just the tip into your heat. “I didn’t think you ever—nggh, shit—noticed much about me.”

The corners of his eyes burned as sweat dripped down his forehead, he had to hold back a sob as he sheathed another inch into those perfect walls.

“Notice you? You’re all I fucking think about,” he pressed his lips softly against your shoulder, hands running from your chest to your sides as you took his cock and every word that slipped from his lips without complaint. “I could take such good care of you. I just fucking know it, just please, let me take care of you?”

“Fuck Jin,” your voice was closer to a sob than anything else but he needs you screaming. “You don’t really have to convince me—”

His patience had run out long ago, not even willing to let you finish before he’d sunk in to the hilt, spearing you on his cock with one final thrust. You ass was flush with his hips and his balls hung heavy and tight against the back of your thighs. The strangled little cry that worked its way out of your throat had gooseflesh erupting across his arms where he held you to him.

Jin couldn’t really be sure—it wasn’t like his brain was all that functional on a day to day basis and it most certainly was not now—but your walls clenching around him and that addictive warm, wet feeling milking his cock was on a whole other level than any fuck he’d ever had before.

There was something about the curve of your back against his chest, and the way you seemed to suck him in, drawing his length back in just seconds after he’d pulled out. Some about the feeling of your chest in his hands, of the sweat on your skin that he licked off in a long strip up your spine. Like you really were made for him. As though all those months spent in dream land, concocting your pretend lives together had spilled over into reality, molding you into the perfect shape to take him deep and hard and cry while you came on his cock just like he knew you were meant to.

“Oh, fuck yeah, gonna make you feel so good, I promise,” he mumbled, forehead pressed to the nape of your neck as his hips drew back and he sunk into you over and over again.

He needed you to moan louder, needed your neighbors on the other side of every wall to hear what he did to you, how he fucked you dumb on his cock and made you drunk with the pleasure of it—slutty and perfect and better than any fantasy he could ever concoct.

The room was filled completely with the wet slap of your bodies—his balls tightening up just at the squelch of you taking him—leaving only enough space for your cries and his grunting, no room left for any bitter doubt to creep in and ruin the sweetness in the air.

He could feel the surge growing in his stomach, the tensing in his thighs as his hips stuttered, but he needed you to cum first. Wanted to tip over the edge to the feeling of you spasming around him, so he let a hand slip from your hip to your folds. Jin only paused for a moment to run a finger around your stretched hole, feeling himself plunging into you, before drifting back up to your swollen clit and working the sensitive bud.

The mattress creaked and rocked along as Jin increased his pace, shifting his hips until his tip knocked against something that had your hands fisting in the sheets and your tongue lolling out in between cries of his name.

You didn’t give him much a warning, not that he minded really. Just a muffled shout with your head smashed into the pillows and the tightening of your walls surrounding him before he felt your whole body wracked with tremors so hard he had to wrap both arms around your middle and hold you while he rammed into you.

Jin wasn’t really keeping track of the filth that was pouring from his lips as he brought himself closer to release. A lot of encouragement, that you were taking him so well, cumming so pretty for him, mixed with a lot of thanks—for letting him have this, have you, for not casting him aside like everyone else always inevitably did.

He did have the clarity to drag one arm up and link your fingers together, pressing hard into the bed while blood pounded in his ears and his hips stuttered in their relentless rhythm. When Jin did finally cum, it was a strangely silent affair, all the words and sound that usually roared inside him dying on his lips as his cock spilled milky release deep inside you and your walls fluttered at the fullness.

And then it was as though every muscle in his body changed physical states.

Boneless, he collapsed onto you with a little huff. You didn’t even complain, just squeezed his hand tighter in yours and hummed at the weight of him.

“Well I think that was a, um,” you panted while he nuzzled his face deeper into your neck, “pretty equivalent exchange yeah?”

“I don’t know,” Jin kissed and nipped at the sweet skin of your shoulder, “I think you might have over paid a bit.”

You laughed, the joyous movement of your chest jostled him from your back and had his soft cock slipping from you in a gush of combined release. “I doubt that very much, I didn’t know I’d be getting to take your fucking load as part of the deal.”

“Shit,” he felt his heart seize in his chest, raising up on his elbows to look down as you turned to him. “I’m sorry, I should have asked.”

Your hand came up to stroke his cheek, clammy but welcome. He sat up enough so you could lay on your back and pull him back down to your chest amidst the sweat and cum slicked sheets.

“Don’t worry about it, I would have asked you to anyway,” you kissed the baby frizz at his hairline and if Jin hadn’t already melted into a puddle, then he certainly was now. “If I’d been able to talk at all.”

“Ha, yeah….”

A short silence descended in your dark bedroom. The noise of cars and the occasional shout filtered in through the window, but there was no other sound than your evening breaths. Jin tried not to ruin the peace while he had it.

It was such a rare commodity.

But he couldn’t say he mourned the quiet when you finally spoke.

“Did you wanna stay the night?” you asked in that soft way he always envisioned you would.

Soft so he’d know it was just a courtesy.

That you didn’t want him to leave.

“Uh, yeah, yes I would,” he stumbled over the words a bit, trying not to sound too eager but wanting you to know he would work a thousands shifts at the reception desk if it meant you held him for just a second longer.

“Good,” you sighed.

He felt you scoot down the bed and flopped onto his back so you could settle your head on his chest and drape an arm across his stomach. After another few minutes he felt you go limp at his side, soft and relaxed as you slipped away into dreams.

But though his muscles ached and his eyes felt heavy, Jin resisted the call to sleep.

He didn’t need to now.

You were here, in the flesh, and he could study you intently while his eyes were open.

No need for his brain to conjure up scattered images of you.

Because he had you now, tucked safely under his arm for him to keep and hold and fuck and love the way he wanted.

So there was no more need for sleep.

And no need for dreams.

#twice x reader #twice x you #jin bubaigawara x reader #bee writes #bnha fanfiction #college au #library!twice x student!reader #twice mha #bee.writes

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blackfemmecharacterdependency · 3 years

Text

We're Not Friends 09

The New Girl

Lunchtime was the most underwhelming part of Beth’s day.

Yolanda at least got a meal out of it.

Rick… was there too.

There wasn’t any camaraderie. They didn’t talk about their high and low points. Beth would sit in what she wished was comfortable silence, but there just was no such thing. Silence always was thoughts - thinking, then overthinking, then digesting those thoughts, then over digesting. She sat in silence and soon could be thinking about how it’s WILD that billionaires don’t want to end world hunger. Sure, they could potentially lose some money in order to pay people fairly and source things ethically, but with everyone healthy and happy, wouldn’t efficiency increase? Couldn’t they… be… richer, potentially?

Then, she’d be doing math and looking into current statistics and… Honestly, she just wanted to sit and eat, or talk and be comfortable! That’s why she would continue to try to call her parents whenever she was getting in her head or just missed them.

Sure, at first, she wanted them around because Rick made her nervous. Then, she wanted someone around to deter Henry. But, if she was honest with herself, really honest… She missed them. The whole thing about them getting back to their lives and the way that they had drifted from her, just last year alone were the thoughts she wanted to avoid sitting with the most. Whenever Beth would call her parents Yolanda would sigh, but try to tune them out.

To her, Beth sounded like garbled noise. Like… The Peanuts parents, but excited. She never took in one detail of those conversations. They weren’t her business. Just background to her eating and the sound of her heartbeat in her ears, when she anticipated being accosted by one of her bullies.

It made her tired, always being on the alert, only to disassociate whenever it finally happened, then for a moment, have a bit of relief… that maybe it might be over for the day. Until the next wave of paranoia set in. Maybe it might not be over for the day.

Rick would roll his eyes, but couldn’t help but listen. Everything that he had learned about Beth Chapel, he had learned against his will. But… also he had chosen to let her outpour of words distract him from his own thoughts. He was in his head a lot too. Not in the way that Beth was.

Usually, he was thinking about how much work he had left to do on his car. Right now, he just needed that carburetor. He wondered if it would be feasible to live in it. He looked into what he might need in order to get a place of his own. He had a fake ID, but it wasn’t the same buying some kegs vs the background checks that apartments did for rentals… and he didn’t know if places had blacklisted his uncle in the same way that The American Dream had. He wasn’t sure how that worked. But also, credit? Looking into credit checks and credit scores… he knew that he wouldn’t be able to find an apartment, but there were a couple of seedy motels, on the outskirts of town. But, the journey to school… he might as well stay at the farm that his parents left him with Uncle Matt at.

But, the food situation was out of control. Matt was always into something less than honorable to make ends meet, but whenever he noticed Rick able to get things, he started being nitpicky about what he would provide. “You’re literally legally obligated to feed me,” Rick had complained, having been broke after some car work purchases and discovering that Matt hadn’t made groceries when he’d gotten paid.

“Are you gonna call somebody and tattle on me?” Matt asked, with the semblance of a smirk on his face. “Go sell your drugs or whatever if you’re so hungry.”

“I don’t sell drugs!” Rick fumed and slapped the wall so hard that he hurt his wrist. Technically, if you’re one of those ‘But, alcohol IS a drug’ people, yes, he sold drugs, but that wasn’t what his uncle meant..

“Then you’re an idiot,” Matt replied, with a shrug.

Matt DID have a little crop on the property and he provided a small service with it, but Rick didn’t know anything about that. Even if he wanted to hustle some of it, he wouldn’t know where to start. He had helped to harvest it a little bit, before he realized what it was and what his uncle was doing with it, but he’d shrank away from that and even though he could probably still provide it, who would he sell it to? Maybe at some of the parties that he sold alcohol to? But… that seemed like a greater risk and he wasn’t eager to take it. Not even to eat. It wasn’t that he found it immoral so much as it seemed hard to do and the potential for it to go wrong and land him with some hard time was too great to chance waving baggies on the low to see who MIGHT want some.

“Just… Can I borrow something? You know I wouldn’t ask. I’m really hungry.” Rick hated the way he sounded.

Matt was startled by it, actually. He frowned, and furrowed his eyebrows, “Do you think I’m holding out on you to make you go hungry on purpose? I don’t have any fucking money, Kid.” Because he had bought liquor, Rick knew he had. He just nodded his head and went into his room.

He texted one of Matt’s lady friends and asked if they had any leftovers or anything he could swing by and pick up. The stuff you’d do when you’re hungry… She told him that he could come to the diner and she would give him a plate on the house and a portion of her tips to grab something later.

He went to get a plate, but he refused to take any of her tips. That was unfair and unkind. Tipping already was probably where she made most of her money. He apologized for even asking for food, but he was even hungrier after the walk into town and while he couldn’t take her tips, he did accept the to-go meal she packed up for him, since the walk back would probably burn off what he had in him.

So, he was sitting at the lunch table, thinking about how he had virtually a stranger to feed him, technically twice this week and he intended to pay her back, but also felt troubled by the fact that even when he turned 16 and would be old enough to work, some people might not even hire him. He couldn't imagine going into several places and trying to get a job as "Harris' boy."

But, that day, Beth had already been told specifically not to call either of her parents. Her mother had an afternoon procedure, and her father had meetings with the finance manager. Two things that she could NOT interrupt, ever. Like, she had to be bleeding out for that to be acceptable.

So, she was quietly considering what she would make for dinner, since both of her parents had a busy and probably stressful day…

Rick was disgruntled with the school's version of a "free lunch," which was simply a bulk of bread with a slice of iceberg lettuce and processed cheese…

Yolanda was in between the bully attacks, just hoping to get through lunch unscathed…

When this new girl came up to the table. They were all in their heads. Nobody noticed her approach, and whenever she announced herself, Beth was the only one who responded.

She decided to keep it cool. She hadn't met a new person in a while. People didn't just move to Blue Valley often, and Beth wanted to be friendly and cheerful, but if Rick and Yolanda had shown her anything, it was to learn to reign it in when she sat down at this table.

"So, what do you do for fun here?"

That was a very good question and Beth looked up to see if her company would provide some good information. Rick attended parties, as far as she knew. Supplying them, but still. And Yolanda must've done plenty of things before… everything. Personally, Beth just did things with her parents, read books and blogged about fashion… wait. Wait… nobody was answering the new girl and maybe she thought she had been sent to a friend group or something. She was new after all.

"We're not friends…" How do I put this? How do you tell a complete stranger that they've been automatically blacklisted at their new school? "This is a table for the singles…" She still didn't seem to get it. "The losers," Beth whispered.

"Speak for yourself," Rick retorted, before making one of his dramatic exits and stealing food on the way out. All Beth could do was watch him go. What must this new girl think of us? This is no fair welcome to Blue Valley… then along came Henry. Almost as soon as Rick was out of sight.

Beth reverted into herself when she saw him. Was he going to do his whole thing right in front of this new girl? Beth dreaded every portion of it, but she knew not as much as Yolanda must.

But… the new girl… Courtney, she said her name was… she defended Yolanda. Maybe it was because she just didn't know how valued he was at this school, but Beth was surprised to witness it, all the same. Henry ran into a member of staff, was as rude as he usually was to her, and within moments, Courtney was being taken away by the principal.

Beth looked at Yolanda and Yolanda looked… more embarrassed than she did relieved. Beth did not GET it. What a moment! She had just been a damsel in distress and this Courtney girl defended her honor! Beth opened her mouth, only to ask her if she was okay, but Yolanda soon left the cafeteria too.

Beth low-key wanted to go find Rick and tell him what had just happened, but that was silly since as she had just told the brave new stranger, they weren't friends. But, he was literally the only person that she could think of to talk to about that! And it deserved some attention!! She couldn't call her parents. She squealed in annoyance as she collected her things and began to ramble to herself.

"That was amazing. That was freakin' girl power in action!" Courtney had quite possibly just made the two worst enemies one could make, but at least she did it to help out. Yolanda simply inherited them from a ghastly betrayal. "If I were a journalist, I'd write about what I just saw. Of course, probably nobody would read it.."

She almost bumped into Rick, coming out of the teachers lounge with one of the teachers. The teacher was holding the pack of waffles that he had snagged and berating him about being in the longue… Rick looked annoyed. Beth hoped that he at least got to eat a waffle or two, since he was clearly in trouble. Why the heck was he in the teacher's lounge?

"Hi," Beth spoke to the teacher, then looked at Rick. The teacher seemingly noticed her for the first time and stopped talking as ugly to Rick when he did.

"Afternoon, Beth," he said. Beth didn't ever have him as a teacher, but knew him because of her teacher appreciation club. "Just telling Harris here about stealing things and using things unauthorized. He left a couple in the toaster, if you're hungry."

"Oh!" Beth said and went into the lounge. She spotted the toaster and pulled out the waffles. Whenever she saw Rick being delivered to in school suspension, she rushed over and said politely to the teacher, "He's already doing the time…" and handed Rick the waffles, wrapped in a paper towel. "Personally, I thought that talking to you gave him was more than enough, but maybe I only caught the ugliest part.." she was irritated that Rick was getting in trouble by the same person who offered her the very thing he was getting in trouble for having...

Soon, the man was rushing away, a little bit unnerved. Maybe he thought Beth might report him for speaking unkindly to a student. Little did he know, her words didn't seem to have any weight, anywhere. Rick was eating his waffles before going into the room. Beth looked in and saw Courtney. That reminded her! She was gonna tell Rick about the table incident, but the ISS teacher spoke up, "Hurry it up, Harris. Your seat misses you."

He frowned and went inside. He didn't say thank you, but he gave Beth a little nod. His face still looked all Moody Rick, but she hoped that was just with this situation and not with her. She was only trying to help. The bell rang and she hurried along.

#We're Not Friends #Hournite #beth chapel #rick tyler #The fact that Rick Twitler was gonna come up for me before Rick Tyler 😅#Hournite Fics #Stargirl Fanfiction #Beth Chapel #Rick Tyler #Nesha Hournite Fics #Nesha Fanfiction

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backslashdelta · 3 years

Text

Glee Soundtrack Rating Project Results: Season 2

Overall Results

Mean episode rating: 6.63

Range of mean episode ratings: 5.8-8.26

Range of mean song ratings: 3.03-9.21

Mean number of songs per episode: 6.09

Range of number of songs per episode: 4-11

Episode Results

[ID: A horizontal bar chart titled Mean Episode Rating, illustrating the mean song rating of each episode from highest to lowest. Episode 18 - Born This Way has a mean rating of 8.26, episode 06 - Never Been Kissed has a mean rating of 7.7, episode 11 - The Sue Sylvester Shuffle has a mean rating of 7.51, episode 21 - Funeral has a mean rating of 7.48, episode 09 - Special Education has a mean rating of 7.05, episode 04 - Duets has a mean rating of 7.02, episode 20 - Prom Queen has a mean rating of 6.88, episode 05 - Rocky Horror Glee Show has a mean rating of 6.85, episode 02 - Britney/Brittany has a mean rating of 6.7, episode 03 - Grilled Cheesus has a mean rating of 6.57, episode 17 - A Night of Neglect has a mean rating of 6.52, episode 16 - Original Song has a mean rating of 6.52, episode 19 - Rumours has a mean rating of 6.49, episode 12 - Silly Love Songs has a mean rating of 6.38, episode 14 - Blame It On the Alcohol has a mean rating of 6.32, episode 15 - Sexy has a mean rating of 6.11, episode 22 - New York has a mean rating of 6.06, episode 08 - Furt has a mean rating of 5.98, episode 01 - Audition has a mean rating of 5.94, episode 07 - The Substitute has a mean rating of 5.92, episode 13 - Comeback has a mean rating of 5.8, episode 10 - A Very Glee Christmas has a mean rating of 5.8.]

Character Results

[ID: A horizontal bar chart titled Mean Solo Rating, illustrating the mean rating of solo performances by character. Kurt has a mean rating of 8.17, Blaine has a mean rating of 8, Santana has a mean rating of 7.92, Brittany has a mean rating of 7.17, Finn has a mean rating of 7.07, Carl has a mean rating of 6.88, Mercedes has a mean rating of 6.8, Artie has a mean rating of 6.7, Puck has a mean rating of 6.11, Sunshine has a mean rating of 6.05, Holly has a mean rating of 5.89, Rachel has a mean rating of 5.81, Will has a mean rating of 5.31, Tina has a mean rating of 5.06, Sam has a mean rating of 4.84.]

Song Results

[ID: A horizontal bar chart titled Top Six Songs (songs with high means), illustrating the mean rating. Valerie has a mean rating of 9.21, River Deep, Mountain High has a mean rating of 9.11, Baby, It's Cold Outside has a mean rating of 8.97, Somewhere Only We Know has a mean rating of 8.89, Born This Way has a mean rating of 8.86, I Want to Hold Your Hand has a mean rating of 8.81.]

[ID: A horizontal bar chart titled Bottom Six Songs (songs with low means), illustrating the mean rating. Jesus Is My Friend has a mean rating of 3.03, Ohio has a mean rating of 3.46, With You I'm Born Again has a mean rating of 3.77, Nice to Meet You, Have I Slept with You? has a mean rating of 4.01, The Living Years has a mean rating of 4.2, Conjunction Junction has a mean rating of 4.3.]

[ID: A horizontal bar chart titled Top Six Least Controversial Songs (songs with small SDs), illustrating the standard deviation of song scores. Valerie has a standard deviation of 1.03, River Deep, Mountain High has a standard deviation of 1.15, Born This Way has a standard deviation of 1.31, Dog Days Are Over has a standard deviation of 1.44, Back to Black has a standard deviation of 1.5, I Want to Hold Your Hand has a standard deviation of 1.61.]

[ID: A horizontal bar chart titled Top Six Most Controverial Songs (songs with large SDs), illustrating the standard deviation of song scores. My Headband has a standard deviation of 2.83, Only Child has a standard deviation of 2.81, My Man has a standard deviation of 2.69, Trouty Mouth has a standard deviation of 2.63, As Long as You're There has a standard deviation of 2.58, Candles has a standard deviation of 2.55.]

[More detailed song results under the cut]

About the Project | Results Masterpost

[ID: A horizontal bar chart titled Mean of Song Ratings, illustrating the mean rating. Valerie has a mean rating of 9.21, River Deep, Mountain High has a mean rating of 9.11, Baby, It's Cold Outside has a mean rating of 8.97, Somewhere Only We Know has a mean rating of 8.89, Born This Way has a mean rating of 8.86, I Want to Hold Your Hand has a mean rating of 8.81, Teenage Dream has a mean rating of 8.63, Thriller/Heads Will Roll has a mean rating of 8.58, Blackbird has a mean rating of 8.49, I Feel Pretty/Unpretty has a mean rating of 8.47, Back to Black has a mean rating of 8.46, Dog Days Are Over has a mean rating of 8.44, Start Me Up/Livin' on a Prayer has a mean rating of 8.38, As If We Never Said Goodbye has a mean rating of 8.32, Misery has a mean rating of 8.22, Time Warp has a mean rating of 8.06, Bills, Bills, Bills has a mean rating of 8.03, Stop! In the Name of Love/Free Your Mind has a mean rating of 7.96, Songbird has a mean rating of 7.95, Happy Days Are Here Again/Get Happy has a mean rating of 7.91, Silly Love Songs has a mean rating of 7.9, Le Jazz Hot has a mean rating of 7.9, Don't You Want Me has a mean rating of 7.84, Me Against the Music has a mean rating of 7.81, Landslide has a mean rating of 7.79, For Good has a mean rating of 7.76, Sweet Transvestite has a mean rating of 7.75, Marry You has a mean rating of 7.74, Raise Your Glass has a mean rating of 7.72, Rolling in the Deep has a mean rating of 7.69, Loser Like Me has a mean rating of 7.68, When I Get You Alone has a mean rating of 7.6, Take Me or Leave Me has a mean rating of 7.58, Dancing Queen has a mean rating of 7.56, I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance with You has a mean rating of 7.54, Hell to the No has a mean rating of 7.5, Just the Way You Are has a mean rating of 7.49, Singing In the Rain/Umbrella has a mean rating of 7.43, Blame It (On the Alcohol) has a mean rating of 7.39, Go Your Own Way has a mean rating of 7.39, Some People has a mean rating of 7.35, Science Fiction Double Feature has a mean rating of 7.32, Empire State of Mind has a mean rating of 7.31, Ain't No Way has a mean rating of 7.29, Pure Imagination has a mean rating of 7.28, Try a Little Tenderness has a mean rating of 7.27, Losing My Religion has a mean rating of 7.26, Sing! has a mean rating of 7.23, Animal has a mean rating of 7.2, I'm a Slave 4 U has a mean rating of 7.17, My Cup has a mean rating of 7.14, My Man has a mean rating of 7.04, Hey, Soul Sister has a mean rating of 7.02, I Love New York/New York, New York has a mean rating of 7.01, Damn It, Janet has a mean rating of 6.88, Whatever Happened to Saturday Night? has a mean rating of 6.88, Lucky has a mean rating of 6.84, P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing) has a mean rating of 6.83, Tik Tok has a mean rating of 6.83, Stronger has a mean rating of 6.77, She's Not There has a mean rating of 6.76, One of Us has a mean rating of 6.76, Isn't She Lovely has a mean rating of 6.76, I Don't Want to Know has a mean rating of 6.75, I've Gotta Be Me has a mean rating of 6.75, Don't Stop has a mean rating of 6.74, (I've Had) The Time of My Life has a mean rating of 6.71, Don't Cry for Me Argentina has a mean rating of 6.7, Trouty Mouth has a mean rating of 6.67, Need You Now has a mean rating of 6.66, Listen has a mean rating of 6.65, Get It Right has a mean rating of 6.63, Forget You has a mean rating of 6.59, Turning Tables has a mean rating of 6.53, Only the Good Die Young has a mean rating of 6.53, Somebody to Love has a mean rating of 6.49, Toxic has a mean rating of 6.49, There's a Light (Over at the Frankenstein Place) has a mean rating of 6.48, Telephone has a mean rating of 6.47, Light Up the World has a mean rating of 6.47, Billionaire has a mean rating of 6.45, Never Going Back Again has a mean rating of 6.42, Jar of Hearts has a mean rating of 6.36, Don't Go Breaking My Heart has a mean rating of 6.35, Bridge Over Troubled Water has a mean rating of 6.35, I Follow Rivers has a mean rating of 6.3, Baby One More Time has a mean rating of 6.29, Touch a Touch a Touch a Touch Me has a mean rating of 6.17, Dreams has a mean rating of 6.15, Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah) has a mean rating of 6.12, Sing has a mean rating of 6.08, Last Christmas has a mean rating of 6.02, Fat Bottomed Girls has a mean rating of 5.98, All By Myself has a mean rating of 5.97, Pretending has a mean rating of 5.86, Make 'Em Laugh has a mean rating of 5.85, One Love (People Get Ready) has a mean rating of 5.82, Big Ass Heart has a mean rating of 5.81, The Only Exception has a mean rating of 5.66, I Look to You has a mean rating of 5.6, Firework has a mean rating of 5.55, As Long as You're There has a mean rating of 5.52, We Need a Little Christmas has a mean rating of 5.46, The Most Wonderful Day of the Year has a mean rating of 5.45, Nowadays/Hot Honey rag has a mean rating of 5.42, What I Did for Love has a mean rating of 5.41, Friday has a mean rating of 5.41, Yeah! has a mean rating of 5.31, Candles has a mean rating of 5.3, Planet, Schmanet, Janet has a mean rating of 5.28, Sway has a mean rating of 5.21, Welcome Christmas has a mean rating of 5.19, Baby has a mean rating of 5.18, My Headband has a mean rating of 5.05, Afternoon Delight has a mean rating of 5.05, Merry Christmas, Darling has a mean rating of 4.9, Still Got Tonight has a mean rating of 4.87, I Know What Boys Like has a mean rating of 4.85, Every Rose Has Its Thorn has a mean rating of 4.84, Papa, Can You Hear Me? has a mean rating of 4.71, Only Child has a mean rating of 4.68, Bella Notte has a mean rating of 4.64, This Little Light of Mine has a mean rating of 4.64, You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch has a mean rating of 4.63, One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer has a mean rating of 4.47, Getting to Know You has a mean rating of 4.45, My Funny Valentine has a mean rating of 4.44, Kiss has a mean rating of 4.38, Conjunction Junction has a mean rating of 4.3, The Living Years has a mean rating of 4.2, Nice to Meet You, Have I Slept with You? has a mean rating of 4.01, With You I'm Born Again has a mean rating of 3.77, Ohio has a mean rating of 3.46, Jesus Is My Friend has a mean rating of 3.03.]

[ID: A horizontal bar chart titled Standard Deviation of Song Ratings, illustrating the standard deviation of song scores. My Headband has a standard deviation of 2.83, Only Child has a standard deviation of 2.81, My Man has a standard deviation of 2.69, Trouty Mouth has a standard deviation of 2.63, As Long as You're There has a standard deviation of 2.58, Candles has a standard deviation of 2.55, With You I'm Born Again has a standard deviation of 2.52, My Cup has a standard deviation of 2.5, Pretending has a standard deviation of 2.46, I Follow Rivers has a standard deviation of 2.45, I Know What Boys Like has a standard deviation of 2.41, Touch a Touch a Touch a Touch Me has a standard deviation of 2.41, Big Ass Heart has a standard deviation of 2.4, Get It Right has a standard deviation of 2.39, Somebody to Love has a standard deviation of 2.38, Afternoon Delight has a standard deviation of 2.36, Listen has a standard deviation of 2.35, Light Up the World has a standard deviation of 2.34, Ain't No Way has a standard deviation of 2.34, Welcome Christmas has a standard deviation of 2.33, The Only Exception has a standard deviation of 2.32, Kiss has a standard deviation of 2.32, All By Myself has a standard deviation of 2.32, You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch has a standard deviation of 2.32, We Need a Little Christmas has a standard deviation of 2.3, I Look to You has a standard deviation of 2.29, Turning Tables has a standard deviation of 2.28, Friday has a standard deviation of 2.28, Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah) has a standard deviation of 2.28, Conjunction Junction has a standard deviation of 2.27, What I Did for Love has a standard deviation of 2.26, Papa, Can You Hear Me? has a standard deviation of 2.26, Toxic has a standard deviation of 2.24, Landslide has a standard deviation of 2.24, Hey, Soul Sister has a standard deviation of 2.24, Last Christmas has a standard deviation of 2.23, Bridge Over Troubled Water has a standard deviation of 2.23, One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer has a standard deviation of 2.23, This Little Light of Mine has a standard deviation of 2.22, Firework has a standard deviation of 2.22, Baby has a standard deviation of 2.21, Fat Bottomed Girls has a standard deviation of 2.2, Never Going Back Again has a standard deviation of 2.2, Still Got Tonight has a standard deviation of 2.19, I Don't Want to Know has a standard deviation of 2.18, Loser Like Me has a standard deviation of 2.18, I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance with You has a standard deviation of 2.18, Nice to Meet You, Have I Slept with You? has a standard deviation of 2.17, Jar of Hearts has a standard deviation of 2.16, Sing has a standard deviation of 2.16, The Most Wonderful Day of the Year has a standard deviation of 2.15, Songbird has a standard deviation of 2.14, One of Us has a standard deviation of 2.14, Take Me or Leave Me has a standard deviation of 2.14, As If We Never Said Goodbye has a standard deviation of 2.13, Don't You Want Me has a standard deviation of 2.12, Animal has a standard deviation of 2.11, Merry Christmas, Darling has a standard deviation of 2.1, Try a Little Tenderness has a standard deviation of 2.1, She's Not There has a standard deviation of 2.1, Lucky has a standard deviation of 2.09, Silly Love Songs has a standard deviation of 2.09, Jesus Is My Friend has a standard deviation of 2.08, Teenage Dream has a standard deviation of 2.08, When I Get You Alone has a standard deviation of 2.06, Bella Notte has a standard deviation of 2.06, Nowadays/Hot Honey rag has a standard deviation of 2.06, Sway has a standard deviation of 2.05, Ohio has a standard deviation of 2.05, Don't Stop has a standard deviation of 2.05, Hell to the No has a standard deviation of 2.05, Make 'Em Laugh has a standard deviation of 2.05, For Good has a standard deviation of 2.04, Le Jazz Hot has a standard deviation of 2.04, I've Gotta Be Me has a standard deviation of 2.03, Singing In the Rain/Umbrella has a standard deviation of 2.03, Only the Good Die Young has a standard deviation of 2.03, Blame It (On the Alcohol) has a standard deviation of 2.02, Planet, Schmanet, Janet has a standard deviation of 2.02, Rolling in the Deep has a standard deviation of 2.01, Happy Days Are Here Again/Get Happy has a standard deviation of 2.01, The Living Years has a standard deviation of 2, Some People has a standard deviation of 2, Tik Tok has a standard deviation of 1.99, Dreams has a standard deviation of 1.99, Don't Go Breaking My Heart has a standard deviation of 1.98, I'm a Slave 4 U has a standard deviation of 1.98, There's a Light (Over at the Frankenstein Place) has a standard deviation of 1.98, Don't Cry for Me Argentina has a standard deviation of 1.97, Need You Now has a standard deviation of 1.96, Telephone has a standard deviation of 1.95, Raise Your Glass has a standard deviation of 1.95, Baby One More Time has a standard deviation of 1.94, Yeah! has a standard deviation of 1.94, Me Against the Music has a standard deviation of 1.93, Billionaire has a standard deviation of 1.93, Science Fiction Double Feature has a standard deviation of 1.92, Pure Imagination has a standard deviation of 1.92, Losing My Religion has a standard deviation of 1.92, Forget You has a standard deviation of 1.92, Whatever Happened to Saturday Night? has a standard deviation of 1.9, Damn It, Janet has a standard deviation of 1.9, Go Your Own Way has a standard deviation of 1.89, Sing! has a standard deviation of 1.89, I Love New York/New York, New York has a standard deviation of 1.89, Sweet Transvestite has a standard deviation of 1.89, My Funny Valentine has a standard deviation of 1.88, P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing) has a standard deviation of 1.88, Stronger has a standard deviation of 1.87, Isn't She Lovely has a standard deviation of 1.84, One Love (People Get Ready) has a standard deviation of 1.84, Getting to Know You has a standard deviation of 1.82, Baby, It's Cold Outside has a standard deviation of 1.8, (I've Had) The Time of My Life has a standard deviation of 1.76, Misery has a standard deviation of 1.75, Somewhere Only We Know has a standard deviation of 1.74, Dancing Queen has a standard deviation of 1.73, Every Rose Has Its Thorn has a standard deviation of 1.72, Stop! In the Name of Love/Free Your Mind has a standard deviation of 1.71, Marry You has a standard deviation of 1.71, I Feel Pretty/Unpretty has a standard deviation of 1.7, Time Warp has a standard deviation of 1.7, Start Me Up/Livin' on a Prayer has a standard deviation of 1.69, Blackbird has a standard deviation of 1.66, Bills, Bills, Bills has a standard deviation of 1.65, Empire State of Mind has a standard deviation of 1.65, Thriller/Heads Will Roll has a standard deviation of 1.63, Just the Way You Are has a standard deviation of 1.62, I Want to Hold Your Hand has a standard deviation of 1.61, Back to Black has a standard deviation of 1.5, Dog Days Are Over has a standard deviation of 1.44, Born This Way has a standard deviation of 1.31, River Deep, Mountain High has a standard deviation of 1.15, Valerie has a standard deviation of 1.03.]

#glee #glee stats #glee soundtrack rating project #glee soundtrack rating project results #long post #s2

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downtheschizoaffectiveroad · 2 years

Text

Personal.

When I was a kid when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I never answered like to be an astronaurt or something cool or unique it was always a housewife. I wanted to get married, have the perfect hubby and kids and live this perfect life like this 1950′s housewife. That was my dream. Even as I got older it still stuck but it got a bit more creative as I was a huge fan of desperate housewives so you could imagine my storyline ! It was epic but I did want to be married one day and have my own family. Unfortunately as life happens I began to realise how hard it is for me to maintain relationships plus I seem to have really bad taste in men... Look at my last two relationships or maybe its just me who is bad with relationships ...

I once was a huge believer in love, but I've had many delusions in my life that would trick me into thinking I was in love and I've always been a hopeless romantic so the mixture was not good. Being mentally aware is definitely a blessing and a curse. Maybe one day ill find this idea of the ‘perfect guy’ but most relationships are meant to be 50/50 right. but lets be honest some days I can’t get myself up even know what day it is or go days without showering or eating or remember what I've done because my memory is shit. Thanks mind and medications *Fun times* so for me a relationship will never be 50/50 it will always be uneven because some days ( most ) it will be 80/20 and for me I find it hard because I hate feeling like a burden on anybody even my parents or sisters and my family are very close so thinking of spending my life with somebody for the rest of my life and making them happy without dragging their happiness down to my level and being burden scares me. terribly- I spend a lot of time trying to make others happy, I don’t want people to feel sad because I know how sadness and emptiness feels and to love somebody like me would be a challenge especially once all the layers are off *Metaphorically* because that shits raw and hard to like let alone love. but maybe one day and if that day comes just wait for the wedding. You should see the private Pinterest wedding folder - obviously I have been planning my wedding for a long long time!

As for children due to my own personal choice right now I would never try on my own terms to try to have a child because I was born with bad genetic makeup and I would never forgive myself if I passed on my mental illness to my children or theirs etc. I would not wish my mental illness on anybody not even my worse enemy. I live with demons that cripple me everyday and I would never want to pass that on or raise children and screw them up because of my demons controlling me and them having to see me on my bad days. I see myself in the mirror after weeks after bad periods and it causes me trauma. Imagine the impact it would have them. Then I have such a fear id trauma my child/children so much I'd lose custody or they’d hate me so much they’d not want to be near me or want to have anything to do with.

Sometimes I do really question about it if I did ever go ahead and try to have a child but I’ve done my research and all medications I'm on I would have to stop. Missing a day of one medication causes a very disruptive cycle in my head, imagine if I stopped all of them for 9 months. I’d go mad and I don’t think I would mentally make it through 9 months. That is actually so fucking sad. I actually read about one of the medications I'm on if I was on it during pregnancy the baby would be born and have to go through withdrawals. I know how hard withdrawals are from these ‘amazing happy pills’ are imagine a new life coming into this fucked up world already having to battle withdrawals because of their wonderfully mentally fucked up mother. That will be a story to tell at their 21st.

I guess when I was diagnosed with depression by a professional at the age of 18 I felt happy because I felt finally ill be cured from my sadness but let’s be honest It’s never that simple is it. I have such a complex mental illness SCHIZOAFFECTIVE DISORDER.

The sadness will last forever- Vincent Van Gogh.

Please know this is my personal opinion. I do not have any personal opinion on anybody who decides to have children or does not. Maybe in 5 years my mind will shift. Mental illness is different for everyone and everyones journey is different. My disorder is very complex hence my opinion.

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venhedish · 3 years

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I unleash the Fanfiction Asks upon you!

👻 👀 🖊️ 😈

OMG Tumblr ate my response before I could save the draft. Pulling my hair out jfc.

👻 What is one WIP you think you may never pick back up? @hotgirlsummersam and I started co-writing a fic for Dean's birthday back in January, but we didn't finish in time. Who knows if it'll ever see the light of day. It's a Stanford era fic about Sam getting Bobby to call Dean about a haunting on campus that just so happens to coincide with his birthday. Here's a little snippet from one of my sections (I wrote Sam, Kal wrote Dean):

Sam spent the rest of the night fitful and on edge. He kept sliding out of bed and staring out the window as if Dean might be waiting there on the pavement below. When he did finally sleep, his dreams were gauzy and oppressive, rumbling with the deep bass of the Impala's engine. He’d wake over and over and think the noise was real, like a kid who’d woken up early on Christmas in time to sneak down the stairs and see what Santa left the night before – jangling with an excitement that almost bordered on nausea.

But it wasn’t real; it was just the distant sound of the freeway, or the old radiator kicking into life, or the muffed music from the dorm below shaking through the walls.

He climbed out of bed for the last time around 3am, giving up the ghost. Instead, he sat in silence at his desk in the dark, sweat clinging to his chest, and wondered if what he was waiting for would ever actually come to pass – if he’d feel better or worse when it finally did.

👀 Do you have any WIPs that you would never let see the light of day? If yes, what are they about? Not really, no. I tend to get around to publishing most of the fics I actually start writing, but I do have one that I ended up being really unhappy with that won't ever go anywhere. It's about Sam being wistful about the past while he and Dean investigate a string of cattle mutilations. Here's like the only section that has any redeeming qualities:

Which is the reason why he’s staring through the dusty windshield at the haphazard pile of about ten dead cows just inside the barnyard of Happy Moos Dairy. He’s wearing a suit that’s already making sweat collect in damp patches at his armpits and the small of his back; It’s July in New Mexico and the shitty SUV doesn’t have AC. There’s a laminated ID in his left pocket that identifies him as DVM Michael Aday, bovine specialist, CDC (Dean had snorted as they worked the alias up. “Dude. Get it? It’s Meatloaf!” Sam had tried to explain to him that they were dairy cows, but it didn’t seem to matter). In the right pocket, there's a pair of blue nitrile gloves and a container of Vicks to help with the smell. He frowns in deep dissatisfaction.

🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP. Sorry in advance for how long this snippet is, but I'm just really vibing with this fic! I have no idea when it'll be done, but I think it might be my favorite thing I've ever written when I finally finish it! (This is a gen/pre-slash story about being an outsider and losing the last shreds of your innocence as the world puts you in terrible situations. And even still, finding love and beauty in the moments in between.)

That night, as he lay awake in his bed listening to the soft sounds of the crickets in the long grass outside, he rolled over to face the shadowy figure of his brother across the room. There were other empty bedrooms in the house, but not a single one of them batted an eyelash when Sam and Dean ended up together in the little loft at the top of the stairs that had an old porthole window overlooking the forest.

“Hey, Dean?” he whispered into the quiet.

Dean didn’t answer at first, but Sam saw him shift, settling back to look up at the ceiling with an arm flung over his head. “Yeah?”

“I found a cool place out in the woods today.”

Dean adjusted his pillow. The breeze rushed in through a missing pane in the window. “Oh, yeah?”

Sam wished he could go down to the store and buy a packet of those little glow-in-the-dark stars. It would give them something to look at when they talked like this. “Yeah,” he said. “A tire swing. Right out by the creek. It gets wide there. We could swim.”

“Sure, kid,” Dean said. Something in the attic moved above them. A squirrel, maybe. “After work, if you want.”

Dean was working at the Blockbuster in town. For thirty hours a week, he was gone – renting Titanic to old ladies and pornos to their husbands. He’d never been away so much before. Last summer, he’d just mowed lawns a couple mornings a week, but now he had a real job, and Sam was left all alone until sunset just about every night. Dad was in the house a lot, banging around under the sink or drinking beer on the porch, but he was also down at the bars just as often. And when he was home, he didn’t want to be bothered unless it was to run drills. Sam never wanted to run drills, so he avoided their father like the plague.

“Yeah.” Sam shifted until his position matched Dean’s, staring up at the ceiling and listening to the animal noises above them. “Or maybe one day when you’re off. So you can see it during the day. We could bring lunch.”

Dean huffed quietly. “Pack a picnic in that little basket on the bike, go for a swim? Sounds real good to me. Not Wednesday, though. Taking Faith into the city to see Blair Witch. She’s gonna need somebody to protect her after, so I won’t be around.”

Sam could hear the husky curl of his brother’s words and rolled his eyes. “You’re so gross, God.”

Dean laughed and turned his head to look in Sam’s direction, even though it was too dark for him to really see. “Just you wait, Sammy. Another six months and you’ll be worse than me. Us Winchester men can’t live without good pussy.”

“Ugh!” Sam grabbed the pillow from behind his head and chucked it straight at his brother. “Quit it, Dean!”

Dean grunted as the pillow hit him in the face. He did this sometimes, grossed Sam out with sex talk, tried to make him blush. Sam hated it almost as much as he hated running drills.

Sam let his head thump back against the hard mattress. “Just another reason I know we can’t be related. I’ll never be gross like you.”

Dean made a show of tucking Sam’s discarded pillow under his own and plumping it up. “Yeah, yeah, purity boy. Don’t get your panties in a twist. I know you'll actually be a virgin for the rest of your natural life, don’t worry.”

Sam sighed so loud the rustling of tiny paws in the attic stopped for a second. “You better quit or I won’t show you the tire swing.”

Dean laughed again. “Okay, okay. I take it back. You’ll get it on at a respectable age and never use the word ‘pussy’ in your life and marry the first girl you kiss just to be safe. That better?”

Sam turned over on the bed, uncomfortable without his pillow, and faced the wall away from Dean. “Just shut up and go to sleep, Dean.”

He could hear his brother adjusting in his own bed before settling down again. “Night, Sammy.”

He closed his eyes tight and let out an exasperated breath. “Night, Dean.”

😈 Is there anything you enjoy doing that you think your readers hate?

Making you cry. 😢😘

#asks #decadent-prince

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frontproofmedia · 3 years

Text

Lara vs. Warrington 2 + Undercard Press Conference Quotes

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Published: September 04, 2021

Eddie Hearn: “Thank you for being here in Leeds today, what a turnout, it feels so good. I forgot what this felt like, the big stage, the media, the fans, the atmosphere and anticipation for a massive night on Saturday in Leeds. “20,000 people at Headingley Stadium, the home of Leeds Rhinos transformed for an epic night of boxing, live and exclusively on DAZN all around the world. “This is one of the best cards we have ever put on and on Saturday night you are going to have a night and experience you will never forget. Inside the stadium, inside the ropes, the fans in the arena will get one of the best nights of live boxing they have ever witnessed and on screen we will bring you the best talent line-up in boxing. “This Saturday Laura Woods leading the presentation with Tony Bellew, over to Darren Barker and Chris Lloyd, then we mix it up with Mike Costello the legend and Andy Lee. What a team we have here and what a night we have.” Josh Warrington: “It’s good to be back, it’s nice of everyone to turn up and nice to see there’s going to be a big crowd on Saturday night – it feels normal. This is what I got used to, I got used to this big stage ever since I won the World Title. I’ve been looking forward to this for such a long time, we were talking about conquering the world together, winning the Ring Magazine belt, Las Vegas, New York and ride off into the sunset. “What happened on February 13 happened, it was a hard lesson to take but this is where the next stage goes on, the next chapter begins. I’ve been about the game a long time and I can’t wait to redeem myself. “I take him [Lara] very seriously, I think the first time he said that he saw fear in my eyes, there’s not fear in there I was just looking straight through him. I didn’t think that he could bring what he delivered and that’s my mistake, that’s me being too cocksure of myself. I won’t make that same mistake again; I have the fear factor about this one. He said some random comments about me slagging his dad off, I slag my own dad off, but there’s no personal animosity between me and Mauricio – it’s just business. “When Anthony Joshua got his redemption against Andy Ruiz Jr, it was done and forgotten about and that’s going to be the same Saturday night. I’m sure he’s come over with a bit of an entourage, he looks smart today, had a haircut, but once he’s been done, he’ll have given me a massive lesson in my career but that will be it, we’ll move on. “I’m a proud man and it would have made my toes curl to see and watch somebody else fight Mauricio Lara. I want to get my redemption, I feel that Lara is a great fighter, a strong fighter, but I feel like I’ve been at a higher level for such a long time and beaten fighters that are such a higher level than what he is. “I turned a few book deals down last year and I think after February 13 publishers weren’t bothered about writing a book about Josh Warrington anymore. After Saturday night we’ll put it right, add a few zeros onto that book deal. Going back to normality, going back to a stadium, having people in the crowd – they’re my second wind, my adrenaline, my twelfth man, that little advantage. They’re part of Josh Warrington’s attributes, it’s going to be special to walk out, I’ll give them redemption.” Mauricio Lara: “I hope everyone is well, we have to think now that February 13 February is in the past. I’m now completely and 100% focused on putting on a good show on Saturday. I’m prepared not 100%, but 1000%. Perhaps people didn’t know me previously, but they do now in certain areas, there’s going to be a repeat of what happened – there are no surprises in life. “It really hurt me that a great champion like him [Josh] didn’t give me the credit for my performance but that’s in the past now. I can’t wait for Saturday to come along now and I’m going to show him, in his words, that we’re definitely not on the same level – I’ll have my hand raised on Saturday night. “I’ve prepared for a knockout, but I’ve also prepared for the twelve rounds, I can assure you it won’t go the distance.” Katie Taylor: “This is the first fight in a long time where I’ve actually fought in front of a live crowd, the fact that’s here in Leeds, some of my best memories as a kid are visiting this city, going to Leeds United games at Elland Road. This city has a special place in my heard and I never thought I’d have a chance to fight here. I’m just so excited about it. “This is a huge fight for both of us, I don’t overlook anybody, I can’t afford to get complacent and when you do it’s when you start to actually lose fights. I have prepared for this fight just like I’ve prepared for any fight. I’m expecting a tough challenge on Saturday, and I’m prepared for that. “I feel great, I know I can’t do this forever, but I still feel very fresh right now and I still have plenty more years in the ring. This training camp has gone great, I feel sharp and strong, I can’t wait to produce one of my best performances on Saturday night.” Jennifer Han: “My team and I have travelled a long way, all the way from El Paso, Texas, to be here to show the world what we have. I’ve worked my entire life for this kind of opportunity and I’m excited to be here – it’s my time. “It’s already been life changing, we’ve worked hard, and I’ve overcome many obstacles to get to this point. I’ve never fought on this kind of a stage, so this is going to be amazing. “I do have a lot of respect for Katie, I’ve studied her and it’s time to shine on Saturday.” Conor Benn: “It’s either going to be a proper serious fight or someone’s getting laid out, and it isn’t going to be me. That’s for sure. I work so hard, confidence is a luxury for the hard working, and people mistake by confidence for arrogance. But those people aren’t up with me running at 3 in the morning. I’m crushing it in the gym, and when I work as hard as I do, I have the right to be confident because I leave no stone unturned. “Look at the shape of me. That’s a testament to the five years hard work, that’s a testament to my team working overtime, my strength and conditioning coach, my physio, my nutritionist, Tony, my agent, it all plays a massive part. Teamwork makes the dream work they say, that’s where we’re at. All I have to do is focus on beating the geezer up in the other corner, my team allows me to do just that – I’ve done it now 18 times. “I’m very confident, Granados is a massive test, he’s been in with the top boys, the top dogs. He thinks he’s experienced and that he’s tested at a high level. What did Formella say, what did Vargas say. If they don’t want to believe the hype, I’ll make them believe the hype, it’s as simple as that. I work so hard to be denied and that’s where that ends. It’s been five years of hard work, I love this life, I’m a fighter. “You’ve seen the change, the transformation, it hasn’t come overnight, and it hasn’t come easy. I’ve put the work in every single time, I give 100%, I’m leaving it all in there Saturday night. “I don’t believe the hype whatsoever, not in the slightest, otherwise I still wouldn’t be getting up and doing my runs – I’d think I was all that and a bag of chips. I don’t rely on my power, I’ve been watching Granados’ fights, against Broner and Easter, he gave them one hell of a fight. One of the best Granados and I believe I’m going to get the best Granados. Create the hype and don’t believe it. “I’ve had so many people come up to me and say it’s going to be some reception you know; it’s going to be incredible. I’m thinking they’re going to top my O2 debut you know, I just have a feeling about it. I’ve had such a warm welcome here, big shoutout to the Leeds supporters, thank you. We’ve got a job to do Saturday but after that, I might join you lot in the pub and have a beer.” Adrian Granados: “First and foremost, I want to give thanks to God. Thanks to Eddie for reaching out for me, giving me this opportunity, everyone at Matchroom and DAZN. It was unfortunate, both of us were chomping at the bit for this fight, very exciting build-up and then a day before the weigh-in Conor tested positive for COVID. “This is the age we live in now, although I was very frustrating and upset, everything happens for a reason, and I believe it worked out. Now we’re fighting in Leeds in front of 20,00 people, I’m excited, I’ve already dreamt about fighting here, overseas, I come from Chicago. It’s a dream come true, everyone has been very welcoming and accepting. Now it’s fight time and I’m ready to get this fight going Saturday. “It’s boxing talk, I understand the confidence he’s portrayed and that’s why I’ve answered back and let him know I’m obviously not here to lay done either. I think it makes for an exciting fight, I think our styles are going to match well, l think we’ve got a classic in the making. May the best man win, may God protect us both and we both come out safely.” Jovanni Straffon: “It’s great to be back here in England. What I would say about the fight is it’s not a fight between Mexico and the UK, it’s me and my opponent in the ring. What I will say is that I have the hunger when I go into these fights, I look at this as if this belt was vacant and I have to go in and win it – I have to show that hunger to do that. “Any fighter that’s in front of me is a block in the road for and I have to take them away. They’re also a thief because they’re taking money from my family. I come to fight, and I hope he also comes to fight. “First and foremost, I’m not overlooking Maxi in this instance, he shouldn’t either. It’s dangerous when fighters do that, I want to show I have the hunger, if he wants to win this fight, he’ll have to kill me. On Saturday you’ll be shouting Viva Mexico.” Maxi Hughes: “I’m grateful for the opportunity, I’ve worked hard and been in the pro game eleven years. I believe I am just getting started, whoever’s the oldest world champion, I’m going to try and break that record. “A lot of people are now referring to me as the Cinderella Man, that couldn’t be truer, this morning my missus said to me this house needs cleaning before you leave this house. I’ve been cleaning the house, but when I go to the ball on Saturday night in Headingley I’ll be coming home with two glass slippers on. “It’s the experience, I’m older and wiser, you can’t buy or steal experience, you’ve got to go out and earn it. Doing this as long as I have and being around some top domestic opposition, it’s all led me to where I am. Everything happens for a reason, every fight I’ve took and not got the decision has led me to this, now’s the time to capitalise on it and reap the rewards of the resilience, hard work and dedication I’ve shown. “I want to put my name up there in the top ten across the world, hopefully across all the sanctioning bodies. While I’m in this red-hot form, get the win on Saturday and you better put me in the ring with Canelo in this form before it runs out. “Josh has been a great World Champion, not only did he win the World Title, but he defended it successfully in great fashion. You only need to look at what he’s doing in the gym, copy what Josh does because he’s laid out how you become and stay a world champion. We get on well aside from boxing, it’s been brilliant bouncing off each other in the gym. It’s been brilliant to share training camp with him.” Ebanie Bridges: “I’m actually really excited about this fight, watching her [Mailys] fight with Ellie, I think she has a great style, and our styles are going to gel really well together. I think with that it’s going to make it an exciting fight, she’s tough and I love tough opponents. I’m looking forward something exciting there, another good performance by myself. I’m only getting better, feeling stronger than ever, I’m looking forward to showing you all what I’ve got come Saturday night. “Training with Brian Cohen in America and having those eight weeks in Philadelphia, I’m really focused on footwork and balance – plating my feet. We all know I’m strong but if you can’t get into position, it’s not effective. Now I feel like I’m really nailing that, we saw that with Bec, about the positioning and planting the feet to throw those shots to get my full power into it. “My cut for this fight was easy, I just fought four weeks ago. I’m hungry as ever, I love to fight, I’m hungry to punch on.” Mailys Gangloff: “It’s a good fight because it will be at my perfect weight class, I think I’ll bring something that couldn’t bring the last time I was here. I’m very excited, I hope it will be a very good show.” Hopey Price: “It’s good to keep busy, I’m glad I got out two weeks ago and it’s good to be back home, in front of my hometown and fans. It’s another step up, another step forward in my career, there’s a lot of good fighters on this show, a lot of fighters from Leeds, but I’m coming to steal the show on Saturday night. “Another good performance this weekend and I’m looking to step up again and it won’t be long before the domestic titles come my way.” Zahid Hussain: “I’m definitely looking forward to it, in front of 20,000 people. I’d like to thank Matchroom, my manager Steve Wood and my coach for spending time training me.” “I’m just going to do what I do best. Experience is going to play a major part on Saturday night.” Jack Bateson: “I’m buzzing to be back here in Leeds with a crowd, now Covid’s on its way out. Thanks for the opportunity, Eddie and yeah, I’m looking to shine, it won’t be last time I’ll be on one of these big cards. I’m looking forward to it. “I’ve known Josh since we were young kids, growing up, I want to be where he is now. He paved the way for us and I’m sure that one day if I keep working hard, I can be where he is and doing it for the city.” Felix Garcia: “First and foremost, thanks for the opportunity to be here. I’m extremely happy to be here and I’ve prepared extremely hard for this night. Hopefully you’ll see the best of me on Saturday.” Brandon Stansfield: “This is a massive opportunity for me, a big stage now coming from Bradford Hotel on my last fight jumping to this fight, it’s a massive opportunity for me and I cannot wait. “I did quite well with tickets, a lot really. I’m one of the first ones on, I’ll get changed and watch Josh Warrington do his thing again.” Mali Wright: “I’m looking forward to it man, I can’t believe it, fighting in my hometown of Leeds. I went to university in Headingly, I used to live there, 2-minute walk from the stadium. It’s surreal even seeing my name here, so I can’t wait and I’m looking forward to it.”

(Featured Photo: Mark Robinson/Matchroom Boxing)

#HF #Mauricio Lara #Josh Warrington #Ebanie Bridges #Matchroom Boxing #DAZN

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