#i never get on my soapbox anymore | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

genericpuff · 7 months

Text

on the closure of MochaJump, and why we're our own worst enemies in this industry.

"MochaJump? What was that?" is probably your first question, and I'm gonna simply respond with, "Exactly."

MochaJump was a small startup platform made by /u/nunojay2 and a second site engineer (whose name I am not informed of) on reddit. It wasn't anything extraordinary, just a startup site that aimed to offer a more viable alternative to Webtoons and Tapas, with a focus on offering equal visibility to creators, focused recommendation algorithms, loosened restrictions on NSFW content, and bigger cuts for creators on their generated revenue.

Of course, such promises are a tall order, but the creator did their best to host regular discussions with creators in art and webtoon communities to get feedback on what creators really wanted out of their platforms, and they researched what they would need to make in order to keep the site afloat (it came out pretty low at $2 per user per month). Hopes were high and the site launched with a small but eager userbase.

It stayed small. The site shut down in November 2022, just 6 months after launching in May 2022.

Now, I'm not gonna sit here on some soapbox and blame anyone for the site closing down. I unfortunately didn't get much chance to use the site myself so there's surely more I could have done on my own part to help it gain traction. But this is a regular occurrence for start-ups like this, especially in an industry that's as notoriously unprofitable as webcomics. We've seen titans such as SmackJeeves and Inkblazers fall, and MochaJump was merely an infant by comparison.

But it makes me think of how we view and treat these startups as a whole. How we as readers and creators alike have become so trained to exclusively use corporate platforms like Webtoons and Tapas on the promise of "bigger gains". Unlike these bigger companies, platforms like MochaJump depend on building a strong userbase as quickly as possible, and need to find ways to generate revenue to keep things running, otherwise it's only a matter of time before they close down. They don't have a massive conglomerate like Naver or Kakao to pad their pockets through their failures. They don't have the money or reach to inject themselves into society through bus terminal ads and convention sponsorships. They don't have the investors to sink money into their platform until it becomes profitable in return.

So we don't use them. Readers don't use them because we don't see the point in using a platform that has no content... and thus creators don't use them because we don't see the point in publishing our content on a platform with no userbase. Creators seek a place that's "tight knit" and "easy to get seen", but will only post to places that come pre-loaded with massive audiences; because it's not enough anymore to have a couple hundred followers, we're in 2023 now, in the year of consumer bloat, where we expect to now pull in thousands if not millions to be considered a "success". And readers seek a place that offers high-quality high-amount content at the tip of their fingertips, but don't want to pay for the access to these works, and in the case of apps like WT, have given up in trying to support these creators through the platforms themselves because they know that those artists they want to support will likely never see a dime.

The fact of this problem is simple, yet many people seem to ignore it - we cannot expect to have a platform that is tight knit, profitable, and sustainable. These places do not exist, not so long as we continue to raise the bar on what makes a "successful" subscriber count, not so long as we continue to patronize platforms that exploit their artists and writers, and not so long as we keep chasing the dragon of "what these websites used to be". These platforms never used to 'be' anything, they merely existed in one point of time that is now long gone, when owning a smartphone was a luxury and not a need, when online video content wasn't being tethered together by ads, and when the Internet wasn't owned and entirely managed by the same three corporations, the likes of which we haven't seen since cable TV.

Platforms like Tapas and Webtoons are - besides unsustainable - unable to exist and profit in the way they do without undercutting someone along the way. Whether it's underpaying their creators, undercutting their communities, or underexposing the works that have been buried, someone will get the shit hand in the deal and that someone is usually ALWAYS someone who will rarely ever stand to gain anything in the long run from using these platforms despite their issues. The 1% got theirs, and the 10% are barely getting by, while the remaining 89% are pushing onwards, because they have faith in the systemic online enshittification that demands conformity to a single formula for "success".

We are our own worst enemies in this industry. Webcomics are one of the few online mediums that still truly belong to the people - anyone can make them, anyone can find joy in them, but we're letting platforms like Webtoons and Tapas and all the other massive corporate apps rob us of that joy and accessibility in the pursuit of "success" and profiting. Webtoons was never the sole way to profit off this medium and yet I still see people every day who underestimate the existence of legitimate publishing houses and self-publishing, who think that publishing on Webtoons and landing an Originals deal is the only way to find success in this industry. This is meant to be the era of creators, of self-starting and self-actualization, and yet we're still handing all of that control over to corporations that only seek to exploit our art, bodies, and labor, while convincing ourselves that this will somehow all be worth it. We stick with Webtoons, despite the numerous controversies it's been involved in and the lack of support it's given even its own hired creators. We stick with Tapas, despite the undercutting of its most core components such as its community and the outlier genres it used to be known for hosting. We find new ways to justify using platforms that are steadily going downhill - Patreon, Twitter/X, Youtube, Instagram, Facebook - because we've been convinced that these are the routes to success, so if we acknowledge their failures, then "success" can no longer exist.

Because we need to pay rent. Because we need to eat. Because we need to survive. Because it's a lot more complicated than just "stepping away". Because the startups just don't have any of the surface level potential for us to immediately identify and get on board with, so we don't give them a chance.

I realize this post got very existential and depressing. I've been creating comics for well over a decade now, largely unnoticed, and I've fallen victim to these same limiting mindsets that we have to stick to one way, one "formula" for success - a formula that changes with the wind and only works for those who get in on the ground floor. It's been slowly killing me from the very beginning, robbing me of my joy to create, of my reason to even do this in the first place - to tell and share stories with others, to express myself creatively, to live my life surrounded by art and stories and creations made by and for others. It's made me tired and miserable, and I can tell it's done the same to those who have shared that boat with me.

But there's one silver lining I can always be sure of, and it's one I was reminded of after realizing I was still in the MochaJump Discord, with one announcement post that I hadn't yet read.

Webcomics are one of the few online mediums that still truly belong to the people. Corporations are trying their hardest to take that power away. Let's not continue to let them.

If you want to help sustain, patronize, and contribute to the growth of sites that are still being operated by small teams (or even one man armies), please, consider checking out the following websites, some of which serve as platforms or publishers, others which operate as link directories for independent sites run by creators.

ComicFury GlobalComix TopWebcomics The Webcomic List The Webcomic Library Hiveworks SpiderForest SmackJeeves Archive Inkblot.art And whoever wants to use the GitHub source code used for MochaJump (RIP)

Let's do our part to decentralize webcomics again. We may not be able to leave the platforms that weakly sustain us, but we can still support those that strengthen and support us.

#also bonus: if you're willing to pay like $10/year for the domain name you can get free hosting on comicfury #essay post #decentralize the internet #decentralize webcomics #fuck webtoons #support small platforms #don't be a coward #use the sites that only net you 20 readers #it costs you literally nothing but a little extra time #i guarantee most of these sites come with more features and more supportive userbases than webtoons #webtoons doesn't even have a fucking TAGGING SYSTEM #why did we allow ourselves to be convinced that webtoons is setting some industry standard ?? they're PISS #WT is literally persephone #riding off daddy warbucks' money while being a big stinking failure of an entity who no one likes but still calls a hero #no wonder WT loves LO so much it's literally an autobiography at this point

120 notes · View notes

britany1997 · 1 year

Note

so i can’t seem to fall asleep, and i know i asked whether this would be okay or not a couple minutes ago, ignore this if it’s not okay but i’ll just send this in before i forget it ;-;

the lost boys x male reader

the prompt song is No Children by The Mountain Goats

thank you so much, and i’m so sorry for the double request thing my brain has been going crazy with ideas

Hand in Unloveable Hand

I can totally write this for you! This is a dark song so this fic is gonna be dark (so we’re gonna make this David centric cause he’s the darkest in my mind😈) hope you like this!

Poly! Lost Boys x Male Reader (David centric)

Warnings: angst, mentions of forced turning, return of toxic David, lots of mocking, talk of death/wanting to die, I think that’s it

🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇

Cigarette smoke clouded the night air around you as you took a drag under the light of the moon.

It was the same scene every night: you smoking outside the opening of the sunken hotel, completely alone.

Sometimes visions of nights with your boyfriends passed through your mind fondly, tearing up the boardwalk, having bonfires on the beach, making out under the stars, you missed it.

But unfortunately, the curtain had been pulled back. You’d seen the wizard and now the illusion was broken and you were faced with the sinister truth. You had never understood why people swore ‘ignorance is bliss’ until now.

You heard a rustling coming from behind you. You rolled your eyes and positioned yourself so that your back was to the ladder. You’d thought you’d made yourself very clear that you wanted nothing to do with the handsome biker gang that had stolen your heart and much more.

“Nice night for a smoke,” David’s even toned voice purred, “mind if I join you?”

You laughed humorlessly, “when has it ever mattered what I want?” You asked, still staring into the night sky, refusing to give him the dignity of turning all the way.

David smirked and slid down beside you, pulling his own pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket and whipping one out. “Gotta light?” He asked.

You shook your head, again refusing to meet his eyes, “why, you wanna take that from me to?” You questioned calmly.

David grunted, “you know,” he started as he pulled a lighter from his jacket, “the boys and I have had quite enough of your little pity party.”

You snapped to meet his gaze, your eyes filled with fury and defiance. “Pity party?” You spit as your eyes narrowed at the bleach blond vampire.

David’s eyebrow raised, “isn’t that what you call it when someone indulges in their own self-pity?”

You glared spitefully.

David leaned back, “you mope around all night, you don’t come to the boardwalk anymore, you don’t speak to us,” he listed, “Paul was in tears after you ignored him for an entire week.”

You stood tossing your cigarette and stomping it out, “I think my reaction is entirely reasonable,” you grit through clenched teeth, “considering what you did to me, what’s been taken from me-”

“And what exactly has been taken from you,” David asked as he stood to his feet as well, staring you down.

“Yeah so we told you the blood was wine, big fucking deal. We lied for you, for your eternity,” David spoke firmly, “so you could live with us forever.”

“You get on your little soapbox and you swear that we stole your mortality from you, your precious little life,” he mocked.

“But I rescued you. I fucking saved you from a lifetime of mediocrity.” He jerked you to face him by the collar of your jacket. You snarled as he blew smoke in your face.

“I gifted you eternal life,” he whispered, “and you’re sad because oh no now you can’t die?” David leases his hold on you, prompting you to stumble back.

“Let me give you some advice handsome,” he said tapping ash from his cigarette, “get over mortality. We did.”

“Fuck you,” you spit.

“Hmm thought you weren’t gonna do that anymore,” David teased, raising his eyebrow once more, “I’m dying for you to fuck me pretty boy.”

“Well,” he laughed, “not dying I guess.”

“I could run,” you threatened, “I’m faster now, stronger too, I could leave you all.”

David laughed, “good luck with that,” he stated, “once we find and drag you back here, and trust me, we will always find you,” he pointed towards the full moon casting light upon you both, “you wouldn’t be seeing that for awhile.”

You scoffed, “is that a threat?” You asked.

“No darling,” he held your chin in his gloved hand, “it’s a promise, so be a good boy and come join us downstairs.”

You spit in his face and ripped your chin from his grip.

David wiped spit from the corner of his eye and glared at you, “don’t expect this much lenience moving forward,” he warned, “I’ve been very patient with you, but my patience is wearing thin.”

“I hope you die.” You told him seriously, “god I hope we both die,” you whispered, turning your gaze to the moon once more, begging whatever was out there to give you an expiration date.

David chuckled, moving towards the ladder, “well that’s too damn bad,” he told you, “because we can’t.”

🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇

Taglist❤️:

@ghoulgeousimmaculate @6lostgirl6 @misslavenderlady @anna1306 @xxryn @dwaynesbiboyfriend @dwaynesluscioushair @pixielostboy @bloodywickedvamp @its-freaking-bats @solobagginses @altierirose @riz-coolgirl @feardot-com @lostboys1987girl @honeybedo @crustyraccoon

#the lost boys #tlb #the lost boys fic #tlb 1987 #the lost boys 1987 #david lost boys #paul lost boys #dwayne lost boys #marko lost boys #lost boys #lost boys 1987 #dark fic #poly lost boys #poly lost boys x male reader #poly lost boys x reader #vampire reader #male reader #male vampire reader

288 notes · View notes

propertyofkylar · 5 months

Note

(Saw a post on here and giving you a uhh paragraph)

It’s kinda funny how adults act immature cuz the want too but like doing it in reverse where kids are ya know … looking at the adult content is kinda strange I mean yeah sure I get that kids are kids and their parents are just being irresponsible and not stopping their kid getting traumatized by gay porn (nothing wrong with being gay) and sex itself just the parents are gonna get a shocked reaction when they get a call from their child’s school saying “yeah so we heard your child talking about uhh tiny gay midget Hentie and we are wondering if you guys have been around your kid or if your child has been exposed to unsafe videos on the internet or anything” but at the same time schools don’t really do anything but call parents and tell them stuff or suspend kids.

But the parents might have to beat their kid with a belt or ground them both punishments really just makes the situation worse because your child has already been exposed to this content there really is no way to protect them anymore they know what porn already know what R34 is and worse they start getting boners to their own family members and just honestly the younger generation is just slowly getting worse each passing month,day or hell maybe a year that’s all though really

- 🏢🏢

so i go to a lot of school board meetings for work (they’re pretty wild tbh) and a big issue in my state over the past year was an update to the sex ed curriculum which got wildly misinterpreted by conservatives as the state trying to teach children porn (it was literally teaching kindergartners the proper names for genitalia, then things like third graders learning about gender roles and how they can be harmful. then actually learning about sex in i think fifth grade? i know this because unlike those fearmongering i actually read the curriculum myself) but the point is, most parents don’t really understand what their kids get up to online. many of the people were complaining about middle schoolers and high schoolers learning about things like contraception and anal sex (i live in a verrrrry conservative area lol) and i kept trying not to laugh because they have no idea their kids are hearing much worse things on the bus every day and can (and most likely do) find horrible things online.

i guess the point of all of this is much like how i think books shouldn’t be banned and that censorship is bad, children need better sex ed. personally i went to catholic school and never even HAD sex ed. i learned what masturbation was from reading a fucking harry potter fanfiction when i was 12. i didn’t have a proper sex ed class til i was in the 8h grade and went to public school and by that point i felt like i had missed out and was so confused by everything because i learned it all from the internet which obviously is not good. by teaching proper sex education, it equips children with better tools if they end up in dangerous situations. and it’s way better to learn it from a teacher than fanfiction.net like some of us lol

idk this all got so serious anyway. nica is getting off her soapbox now.

#ranting ig #i have a lot of passions

14 notes · View notes

funmalibmillie · 6 months

Text

Can you tell that I had way too much making the first half of this pic if I made up some supportive images on Canva for it? I'll be posting the images I did that accompany my new bkdk fanfic piece "Ripple" on Archive of our own. Check out Chapter 1 of Ripple: Chapter 1: Denki Bares the News

---------------

It’s the morning before the celebration of the New Year 2200 and this was a rare opportunity for Best Jeanist to give Katsuki some time off from hero work. Alright, Alright…gave is putting it lightly. Forced. Forced is more like it. Katsuki told Billie Jeans that he was fine. He’s just had a lot on his mind recently which made him just a tiny-smidgen-you-can’t-even-see-it-through-a-microscope upset! A lot being a green haired, green eyed freckled asswipe that has haunted his every wet dream almost every night since the end of the war in their first year. His hand has amazing stamina at this point. He just…can’t tell Deku his feelings for obvious reasons. Katsuki has been breaking his ass to reach his childhood goal of the Number 1 Hero spot. There is no time for shitty extras and sappy romances; they’ll just get in his way and he’ll never be number 1 with such distractions. Especially when one of the people in his damn way right now is Deku ranking 5th in the recent fucking hero charts with Katsuki at the 6th! THE 6TH! Stupid Nerd! Stupid Starry Freckles! Stupid Blinding Smile! Stupid Forest-laden Eyes! Stupid Chiseled Greek God Body! Stupid Voice that got deeper as they got older and now sounds like vocal chocolate that Katsuki wanted to lick into oblivion! S-Stupid EVERYTHING! Everything is out of order! First is Katsuki (ALWAYS) and then Deku (IF HE’S LUCKY!). So Katsuki Bakugo does NOT have time to take a vacation or date or do any other distracting thing when he could be doing more to up his ranks! Seriously, Universe?? Go fuck yourself.

Billie Jeans seems to disagree and thinks Katsuki’s “unwillingness” to not stay after work; his increased—albeit-already-abnormally-high-for-your-average-22-year-old—irritability toward anyone simply breathing; and his not-so-subtle-but-totally-not-a-big-deal “ExTReMe UsE oF FooORCe” as obnoxiously mentioned by the media on small-time villains will get in the way of his hero work.

Standing high on his designer Levi-branded soapbox, Denim Head went on the same rant he’s told Bakugo over a thousand times about how similar he was to the younger man as a hot-headed, childish, and arrogant new hero years ago. He paid a high price for his cockiness one day, when due to his lack of attention, a villain he apprehended broke loose, causing the death of a civilian and a still-missing child. That incident forever changed the way the fashion hero performed his duties, and he’s never stopped looking for the missing kid. He targeted the hot-headed ash blond because he didn’t want Katsuki to make a similar mistake and—blah blah blah.

Shit happens, ok?! I mean, Katsuki’s not heartless anymore, but he still knows that things don’t always come out perfect in a hero/villain situation. Jeansie didn’t go into much detail, but it wasn’t his fault, it was the villain’s. Right? Right. As for Katsuki, this was totally unrelated. So what if the younger blond hero used a howitzer impact on a petty purse thief last month? Makes the shitty villain more convinced to not do it or other crap like that again. Faster reform for the snatcher and a bigger message to the remaining extras in Japan who might want to try the same stupid crap on his watch. It’s win-win situation, right? But NNoOoOooOo. Apparently, that and yelling at reporters and making 1 or 2…or 4 dispatch workers cry within the last 5 days is means for Billie Jeans to give his explosive ash blonde sidekick of 3 years an ultimatum—take at least two weeks of earned leave or take two months of suspension from hero work. Guess which one Katsuki picked?

Sigh…so there he was. Begrudgingly at the favorite brunch restaurant of his Bakusquad (Raccoon Eyes, Soy Sauce Face, Shitty Hair, Ears, and Sparkplug), on the verge of getting kicked out since Damn Denki can’t hold his alcohol from the bottomless mimosas the table ordered. Katsuki doesn’t drink alcohol frequently and if he does, he has his reasons, but he doesn’t get shit-faced like the rest of his (don’t-tell-them-this) friends. It’s just wet carbs to him and he’s on a tight eating regime and sleep schedule. Mina is currently laughing her ass off and trying in vain to prevent the Chargedolt from getting on top of the table and singing a recent pop song VERY off-key. Soy Sauce Face and Shitty Hair are loudly yucking away about the MMA fighter line-up coming this weekend and Ears is just sitting coolly and seemingly unaffected…oh she has noise reduction buds on (good idea). And out of the corner of his eye, a poor young waitress stands off to the side, shaking her head, which Katsuki is sure he hears her say before she storms away, throwing off her apron: “They don’t pay me enough for this shit.” Tch. Same, Girl. Same.

“Guys! Guys!” loudly slurs the blonde electric hero. Luckily, it was was too early in the morning to be that crowded, but Mina’s always anticipated the rowdiness of the crew and booked a semi secluded area of the restaurant.

“Keep it down, Denks!” Demands Mina.

“Got it!” Continues Denki at the same volume. “Did you hear? Shindo is gonna propose to Midoriya tonight at the New Year’s Hero Gala!”

(Cue Record Needle Scratch) SCCCRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

“HHHHHAAAAAANNNNNHHHHH???!!!!!!!” Katsuki interjects, hiding a twinge of sadness and jealousy under his signature angry scowl. He knew of Deku and Pan-Quake dating but didn’t think they were that serious.

Mina: “Oh, yeah, you didn’t know Blasty?”

Katsuki (tries to not express his annoyance): “Tch. My guess is Pan-Quake is just trying to use Dumbass Deku for his hero ranking to boost himself up.”

“Uh…” Speaks Kirishima, “Kats, I don’t know about that. I think Shindo’s been serious from the get-go about Mido since the provisional licensing exam.”

Sero mentions brightly: Literally swooped him off his feet that day!

“Haven’t they only been dating for about 8 months?” Asks Jiro, she seems to be suddenly engaged with conversation now that the voices have returned to reasonable decibels.

Sero: Yeah, but I think they’ve been off and on for the past couple of years. They’ve known each other for while, and they work at the same agency now, right? Mirko’s?

Denki (Sighs slowly while staring into the distance, sitting his chin in the palm of his hand): Oh, yes. My lavender lover is at Mirko’s, too!

Jiro (smirking): So is Momo.

Kirishima (bringing the conversation back to the greenie): I think Yo-kun’s been chasing after Midobro since he got back from his overseas mission after we all graduated.

Mina: Naw, even before then too, Babe. Remember when all the hero schools partnered more after the war? Whenever we combined with Ketsubutsu, Yo-kun had nothing but heart eyes for Midoriya then too.

Denki (coming back to earth): Well…If my gossip is right, and it always is, Shindo is going all in. Even the Sahara Desert doesn’t compare to his thirst for the green bean.

Sero: Didn’t Izuku save him from Muscular when he went on his vigilante shit?

Denki: Holy fuck, you’re right!

Mina: No wonder he’s head over-heels!

Jiro: I mean, yeah, have you guys even seen the new magazine highlighting the top 5 heroes recently??

Oh…Um…Yeah…Katsuki definitely saw the new magazine and NO he didn’t get it because of the shitty nerd even though that was his first time buying the magazine since All Might retired. He got it for…for…analytical purposes…yeah…ANALYTICAL PURPOSES for when he outranks Deku in the next hero billboard charts in a few months. Nice to get an idea of what they’ll ask him when he hits top 5. And NO, Katsuki absolutely didn’t go home and read and reread the entire article on Deku for over 45 minutes completely ignoring the rest of the magazine. And under NOcircumstances-NONE-NADA-ZERO-did he jerk off once or twice or four to Stupid Deku’s photo spread! Katsuki was still having a hard time focusing, not just on the magazine which he may or may not take out later for more analytical purposes, but marriage? The nerd? To some extra like the human vibrator of all people? Didn’t Deku have standards? And plus, aren’t they all too young? Yeah, they’ve seen some shit with the war and everything, but for Katsuki, that only fueled him to get to his dreams faster of being the number 1 hero, not…ya-know…fall in love or anything like that. Or admit his love to Number 5 for that matter. He’s had a few flings and one-night stands to get the edge off, but he’s not longed for anything beyond that, well…it doesn’t help perhaps that he mostly imagined his partners with freckled and scarred skin, green hair and green eyes, but still.

Kirishima: Woof. Who hasn’t seen it? Our little Greenie’s come a long way, hasn’t he? Super ma—

Denki: —I’d like to make him come a long way, if you catch my—

Jiro: Puh-lease Denks, it’s 10 in the morning!!!

Denki: Okay! Okay. Either way, it’s definitely happening tonight. My sources—

Kirishima: What sourc—

Denki: Doesn’t matter. My sources say that Shindo No-Mo-Ho has had the ring since the summertime, and was actually planning on taking our Mido to Yuuga’s Restaurant and Vineyard to propose then, but ya know…hero work and all that.

Sero: Did you say Yuuga’s? As in Aoyama Yuuga?

Mina: Yes, the one who refused to tell us how or why he managed to bitch Mineta.

Jiro: In all fairness, Grape Juice was a sick bitch to begin with.

Denki: He goes by WineNDine now. Remember? Either way, Whatever magic or quirk our blond drag glitter queen pulled, had Mineta singing a new tune when we came back as second years.

Katsuki found himself tuning them out on their next wave of gossip, his thoughts going toward a man of green. As a matter of fact, when was the last time he talked with Deku? Like really talked? Was it Auntie’s and All Might wedding a year and a half ago? Shit. He really dropped the ball in keeping up with him. Izuku texts him every now and again, but Katsuki rarely responds back and if he does, it’s normally short responses. Nothing to keep the conversation going. Now that he thinks about it, he hasn’t heard from the nerd in a while.

Mina (reaching over the table to wave a hand in Bakugo’s face): Blasty…Yoohoo?! Are you still on earth with us?

Katsuki (shaking out of his daze): SHUT THE HELL UP!

Denki: Ah, there he is. So…how are you feeling about this Kats?

Katsuki: Fuck do you mean. Dunce Face?

Kirishima: Come on Bakubro, we all know you’ve been pining for Mido for a long LONG time now. Holding in your true feelings’ not very ma—

Katsuki: —I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Throwing up their hands together in perfect practiced choreography, Jirou, Kirishima, Sero, Mina and Denki all grunt in unison: UGH, HERE WE GO AGAIN!

Katsuki: WHAT?!

Kirishima: Seriously?! Bakubro, how long are you going to do this for?!

Sero: Well…you know what guys? Now that I think about it, it’s too late isn’t it?

Mina: To tell the truth? It’s never too late for that, even it’s just to get it off your chest. –nods at Sero then returns her attention to the irate blond—Blasty, you’ve almost died! Both of you! All of us! Multiple times! None of those moments ever showed you that maybe—just maybe—that life is too short to handle your relationship—

Denki: Or lack thereof

Mina (continues over Denki): —the way you do?

Jiro: We all know he confessed to you the night of the graduation party.

Katsuki: Wha-how do you know that, Ears?!

Kirishima glared at Katsuki—a rare sighting on his normally happy-go-lucky friend: Bro, because he asked us for advice on how to approach you about it.

Oh no. The nerd got the squad involved? Shit.

Sero (voice downcast): Yeah, Kats, he wanted to see if we might know how you’d respond.

Denki: We all told him yes, that you…

Katsuki: —that I what?

Mina: that you liked—maybe even loved—him beyond the platonic sense.

Jiro: Yeah, Bakugo, the signs were all there. By our 3rd year—hell even before then—you shifted when it came to Midoriya. You may have spewed the regular insult, but it didn’t have as much bite as it did as in our first year.

Kirishima: When you two sparred or went out on your internships or just hung out with everyone during game night, you were a Wonder Duo. Like you two worked so perfectly in sync as if you were made for each other—on and off the field. It was incredible to see that, it was super ma—

Sero: —Plus, it was the way you looked at him sometimes Kats. Don’t think we never noticed. By the time we graduated, you would get more and more “angry”—sero puts up air quotation marks—by the tiniest stuff Midoriya would do. You paid attention to him more; you’re damn eyes were pretty glued to him.

Denki: You even smiled more! God, the first time that happened, I thought you were demon possessed! I was half tempted to asked you for your TIC (Toga Identity Code)!

Mina: So, imagine our surprise on graduation night, when you came back down from the roof top alone huffing and puffing with poor Midoriya nowhere in sight? We only learned later that he locked himself in his room for two days only to suddenly pop out afterward and tell everyone he’d taken a job overseas for a year.

Of course Katsuki remembers that night. Too fucking well actually. While he has many regrets he refuses to voice—other than his apology for how he treated Izuku when he was younger—the one he made that night…made the top spot.

----

CUE FLASHBACK START: MAY 11, 2196

On graduation night, bathed in the twilight's bittersweet purples and pinks, Izuku mustered his courage. Sweat coated his palms, and his heartbeat reverberated in his ears like a dolorous chant. The time had come.

Katsuki always paid close attention to details. It was in those details he found his next move. Always a man of action. Every knoll and cranny of the UA whispered tales of his own journey of a hero in training. For three years, they had been together — him, his friends, and his insecurities, and most interestingly…Izuku. The feelings that blossomed for the greenie over time were just as vibrant as the man itself. Tonight as he followed Izuku to the UA rooftop, the echoes of his past were overpowered by the pulsating rhythm of his heart.

The door to the rooftop creaked under their history, blending with the laughter of nervous anticipation.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Izuku asked, gesturing to the vast cityscape bathed in the moon's tender glow. The neon lights flickered on and off like fireflies.

Katsuki nodded hesitatingly, attempting to purge the sinking feeling from his heart and replace it with the grandeur of the scene. Everything to Katsuki was Izuku. The latter had been a constant. The anchor in his raging storm, keeping Katsuki together and grounding him though he didn’t admit it. But there was a strange energy in the air tonight, a sense that something irrevocable was on the brink.

"I've, uh, I've wanted to tell you something for a while now, Kacchan," Izuku began, drawing Katsuki's attention away from captivating view of the city they’ve saved countless times as a Wonder Duo to the more mesmerizing view of the man beside him. This wasn't the same scrawny, quirkless boy who Katsuki betrayed and used as a punching bag. This Deku was different. This was Izuku.

At first glance, he would pass as the person the blond used to know. Same green eyes that sparkled with peridots and emeralds, but these held an added depth to them, hardened like a diamond under pressure. His hair was still viridian evergreen but ran wild like tiger stripes, earning him an air of rugged charm. His well-worn ridiculous ‘T-Shirt’ t-shirt hugged his bulkier frame, revealing the physical testament to a sudden life of heroics as the ninth and final wielder of One for All. Katsuki examined Izuku, his heart squirmed in its cage, caught off guard by an overwhelming rush of emotions. God…could the nerd have looked more glorious?

His voice trembled slightly, “Kacchan, I…uhm…”

Katsuki’s never been a man of words. Neither was he a patient one and his nervousness definitely didn’t help lighten the mood, but he barked with no bite: “Spit it out, nerd. Haven’t we gotten past you being nervous and shit around me?”

Izuku: Well, it’s…this…is not that easy.

Katsuki: Come out with it, dumbass, I ain’t getting any younger!

Izuku: I love you! Or rather I like you a lot. But like…like like. Is that too much? I just—”

Izuku rambled on but the world spun around Katsuki, and he didn’t hear a damn thing. A strange feeling, a cocktail of excitement, relief, and dread, settled in his gut. The confession mirrored the blonde’s feelings and stirred a gale in his heart yet; he utterly feared the repercussions. He wanted Izuku. Gods, he wanted him. Strip him bare, bend Deku over and ram into his ass right then and there with all the stars and holy hosts watching above them, but Katsuki couldn’t. The blond didn’t want to address those types of feelings. Not right now. After dying at the war and learning of the sacrifices made to keep him alive, he became even more determined to pursue his dream of the Number 1 Hero spot. He didn’t want to make time for…this…but in the future, yes. Oh gods yes, Izuku please. And if he was honest, he felt Deku deserved better. Preferably someone who didn’t come up with the name “Deku.” Someone who didn’t hurt him. Someone equally loyal and bright and blinding. Izuku’s freckled Adonis body only knew Katsuki’s hands as an abuser, a bully, a rival, and the blond didn’t know if his hands could be anything else for Izuku beyond that. Coming back from his thoughts and catching the nerd in a mutter, his heart ached at his decision.

Izuku: “I-I have been in love with you for—uhm—for…geez…ever? I just didn’t want for both of us to graduate today and not tell you how I fe—

Katsuki couldn't meet his gaze, feeling himself a traitor: I don’t love you.

Silence followed his declaration — pure and unwavering, casting a hallowed spell over them.

Izuku, the bright ray of sunshine that he his…Izuku’s smile didn't falter, but in his eyes were trees of the deepest rainforest rocked and bent relentlessly back and forth from a hurricane of hurt. Katsuki wanted to take the words back then and there. The blond cared for him, loved him with a passion as explosive as his quirk, but his own insecurities and fears of commitment clouded his senses. He was too afraid to accept that he could be enough for Izuku, that he could, in fact, love him, worship him the way Deku deserved.

Izuku: I….oh. Oh. I…

Katsuki eyes brimmed with an uncanny mixture of regret and guilt. He tried to hide his hitching breath, and he felt the world beneath them give away.

Katsuki: Sor-, I-, Deku, Y-you need get over me. Get over this. I-I’m s…I just. I’m not in love with you like that.

Izuku (stutter completely gone): I understand. Thanks for being straightforward, Kacchan.

Katsuki: Tch. W-whatever nerd. We won’t speak of this again. This will stay between us, y-yeah? Just—let’s just get back downstairs.

Izuku: I’ll head down in a minute. –wipes at a tear falling down his cheek— Enjoy the party.

Leaving Izuku on the rooftop, Katsuki returns to the commotion below. Despite the masses moving with Jiro’s music, he can feel eyes on him as he made his way to kitchen.

Kirishima looks nervously at Sero, Mina, and Denki before speaking: “Bakubro, y-you um-“

“What Shitty Hair?” huffs the blond, irritated by the existence of people in general at the moment, saddling roughly at the kitchen island bar.

“Nothing Blasty, here’s a drink!” Interrupts Mina, giving Kiri a woeful smile and a slight shake of the head. “Congrats on uh…getting an offer at Best Jeanist’s Agency.”

“Tch. Of fucking course. What would Billie Jeans do without me?” He spits, his eyes never making contact with theirs’s.

Denki shakes his head and offers a wince that passes as a tired smile. He sighs. “Yeah. Yeah Kat. Congrats.”

The night weighed on Katsuki like no other. When the nerd returned from the US, he became an even greater force to be reckoned with: more confident in his sense of self, more fluid in his quirk, more socially adept, more devastatingly beautiful, and Katsuki just didn’t know what to feel. His feelings never changed for Deku; they only deepened. As they deepened, Katsuki grew more distant.

FLASH BACK END.

Katsuki can barely form a coherent thought. He needed some time to himself. The nerd wasn’t seriously tying the knot right now was he? They’re in their 20’s for Kami sake, should they be really thinking about heavy crap like marriage when they have the rest of their lives to go for that sappy shit? And why fucking Pan-Quake? Katsuki abruptly rises from his seat, grabs his wallet and puts cash on the table for his portion of the meal. He’ll get to the bottom of this.

Katsuki: Just leave it alone, guys. As long as the nerd is…happy.

Kirishima: Kat. We were just—

Katsuki makes a predatorial glare at the squad before pacing out: Leave. It. Alone.

Denki (woefully too inebriated to care about the death glare): Wait, where are you headed out to, Kats?

Katsuki (already walking away shouts over his shoulder): Picking up some shit for the old hag! Now, fuck off!

As the blond makes his way out toward his car, he whips out his phone to do something he realizes he hasn’t done in a while: initiate contact with Izuku. Upon closer inspection of the text message dates when he presses send, he comes to a startling discovery:

“Holy shit. How did I forget the nerd’s birthday?”

#bakudeku #bkdk #bnha bkdk #dekubaku #kacchan #decchan #mha bkdk #archive of our own

15 notes · View notes

stitch1830 · 2 years

Note

sometimes I think about how much Toph's daughters must've meant to the rest of gaang when they were born, and then I think about how much more they must've meant to Toph herself And Legend of korra is telling me that Toph Beifong neglected her actual children like sorry but I'm not buying it and they seriously missed out on a great story with a badass single mom raising her two daughters with the best of her ability, and all of them sharing a connection as strong as stone.

Hi Anon, thank you for the ask, and your patience! Better late than never with my responses, amirite? LOL.

And I 100% agree with you. I think the Beifong ladies have a special place in the Gaang's hearts, and Toph will go fighting to the Spirit World and back for her girls.

I find it very difficult to watch the Legend of Korra for this reason lol. I know that part of it was to make Lin's backstory more nuanced and stuff, and while I love Lin's characterization, I hate that it comes at the expense of ruining Toph's.

I've never really accepted this idea that Toph was a bad mother because it was too difficult or outside her comfort zone. I think she'd lean on her friends a lot, especially if she had to do it alone, and even when the Gaang wasn't around to help with a particular situation, she's the type of person to face the issue head on, to tackle the obstacle and find a way for her to make her kids feel better.

Part of the issue is that Lin and Suyin's childhood is talked about in like, three episodes, and it's from the perspective of Lin and Su. There's definitely more to the story, and the fact that we don't have it is frustrating.

Also, I just have always believed that Toph would be a great mother. She'd be terrified at the prospect of taking care of a baby, but she knew that neglecting them or hiding them away from the world was not what she wanted to do. But she'd love her kids to death and would protect them as best she could and give them the life that they deserved. It would be tough for her to balance taking care of the girls and managing a busy work schedule, but she's Toph Beifong! She can do anything she puts her mind to.

And like you said, it would've been such a great story to hear about Toph raising her two girls by herself and them being extremely close through good times and bad. They would love visiting their aunts and uncles and traveling when they can, they'd have late night takeout dinners where they get to eat in bed together, and whenever they had nightmares, they'd all huddle up and "protect" each other from the monsters in the closet.

I get that not every story can be a happy one, but I still believe that Toph and her girls should've. And I will stand proudly on this hill LOL.

Anyway, I won't ramble anymore lol. I certainly have a lot of thoughts about the Beifong family, so if you ever want to chat some more, feel free to stop by! But I'll get off my soapbox for tonight lmao.

Thanks again for the ask, Anon! Always love chatting about the beloved Beifongs, and like I said before, feel free to ask more questions if you'd like! Hope you have a great day!

......

Send me asks about ATLA, LOK, or anything, really! :D

#toph #toph beifong #lin #lin beifong #suyin beifong #atla #lok #headcanons #my asks #thanks for the ask!#anon #toph beifong loving hours #mama toph feels #toph was a good mama #i take no criticism on this LOL #fr tho i just love writing fun stories where she's a great mama and loves her kiddos to death #also the fact that she had two girls?#and they're both badasses?#even better :)

45 notes · View notes

bleuberrygliscor · 9 months

Text

I wanted to both answer this publicly (idk if the sender wanted their name attached to it just in case) and put a huge ass [this is just my own personal experience] label on this post, because its gonna get sad before it gets good.

The answer honestly is: the degree is not going to get you living wages, not anymore.

Unless you are going into a field that is extremely technical and requires documentation and masters' level shit, your ownership of a degree is not vital. does it help? yeah kinda, but its not worth your mental or physical health over.

There are plenty of vocational schools, if you want to go into something more specialized but not academic. Lots of Vet-tech, Beauty, etc etc places that dont require college to get into or graduate from. If you wanna run straight into work stuff, Temp Agencies are pretty good. I myself do contract work (which blows but thats another soapbox for another day) and thats decent too. Really alot of these places who want "degrees" just want "experience" and are being dicks about it. (especially if youre in the stem field. recruiters are so unhelpful, dont fucking listen to them 90% of the time.)

i have worked with people with degrees, in the same shit filled trenches i was in, miserable and underpaid. the degree will not save you from a minimum wage job unless you were lucky enough to get into a lab or something. lucky enough to be in good graces with a professor who happened to know someone who was looking for a new person. lucky enough to be on campus when a recruiter worth their salt showed up, and not some army schmuck.

and thats what it really comes down to, degree or not, its luck. it was never about how hard you worked, or how much time you put in. its about being lucky, at the right place at the right time, or knowing someone who can pull you up with them. i am almost 30, and i still live at home, because for years (even when working 1 full time and 2 part time jobs, while also attending university, all at the same time) i could not afford to even look at a studio apartment where i live. But. if i would have stayed in college, i would have killed myself, if not outright then from the stress, and i would never have made it long enough to get lucky enough that i can maybe entertain leaving my childhood bedroom.

But, knowing that its luck doesnt mean you should give up. if going to college for what youre doing is what you want, truly deep down what you want, then you should keep going- take breaks if you need to, slow down on your courses. but if its not, then fuck it and pursue what you do want. Find roommates that are chill and share an apartment / home with them. Get a job close to doing what you like, so you can gain experience. Keep rolling the dice and you'll get to where youre wanting to be eventually.

#rem replies #and for the person who actually sent this ask. you have nothing to worry about. i promise.#you are so sweet and genuine. anyone who closes a door to you was too stupid to tolerate anyway.#you have the resolve to accomplish whatever you want. i have seen it. youre going to be alright.#if possible. talk with your advisor. student or professor. they may have connections in your field of study that can offer you help too.

2 notes · View notes

apostate-in-an-alcove · 1 year

Note

Ever notice how people on tumblr try to control how atheists think? So many people want to stop us from holding opinions of their religion and act like they have authority over us. You can’t stop us from thinking!! Half the posts on atheist tags feel like “you’re not allowed to breathe without my permission!”

The atheist tag on this site is a mess and is very Christocentric. You have religious people preaching and posting fallacies about the "atheist worldview" (whatever they have decided that means), you got ex Christians getting on their soapbox and wagging their finger at other ex Christians, you got that one atheist who was never religious and calls religions fairytales, you got people confidently stating that atheists are actually just miserable people and all have religious trauma, and everybody else is whining and crying about Reddit atheists when that's a stereotype that doesn't hold much water anymore. The atheist tag has very little to do with any meaningful and in-depth discussions of atheism and is hardly a good place to find fellow atheists to speak to, which is a sore disappointment.

I can't necessarily speak about other religions in this regard but I suspect Christians are often threatened by atheists because our mere existence forces them to confront some very uncomfortable questions. It's easier to dehumanize someone and threaten them then it is to ponder on the more uncomfortable aspects of your religion's theology and potential deconstruct some or all of your beliefs.

#atheist #atheism #tumblr ask

7 notes · View notes

dzpenumbra · 1 year

Text

5/30/23

It's odd saying I'm starting this early at 3:45 AM, but I guess that's what happens when you start drinking coffee at 5 PM.

I, once again, didn't really do much today. And I'm not horribly bummed about it, honestly. Today, it's okay.

I'm feeling a bit aimless. And... going through that whole... "my art isn't going anywhere, I could be working on 'something better'" thing. It's obnoxious. At least I don't just blindly submit to it now, that's improvement.

The current open projects are: the skull, the wooden bead necklaces, the abstract ink drawings. And... none of them are really calling me right now. The skull, I kinda hit a mental block design-wise. The beads, I have to pick a day and go out and try out this spray acrylic sealer I've never used before, and figure out how to suspend beads to spray them, but without them touching each other, so they don't stick together. That kinda just put me off a bit, honestly. Long term, it might be a better idea to find a sealer that isn't Mod Podge, that doesn't have that tacky finish to it. I don't know. Or I should just bite the bullet and give it a go and see how it turns out. The abstract ink drawings? Well... I'm running into that age-old nasty reflex trained into me from a young age. I don't know if it's an American thing, a modern era thing, or just the upbringing I had... but the whole "how do I sell this?" reflex is like... good lord, it's so unbelievably anti-creativity.

Nothing in my life has killed more creative ideas than the thought "how do I sell this? Will this sell? Can I pay my bills with this?" It's so deeply unsettling. It's like... maybe not even at a conscious level... this social system is designed to... discourage creative thought. I mean, just look around. Which has more incentive? Making something that follows analytic trends and formulas? Or making something truly reflective of you as a creative, truly unique? Which is better rewarded?

I don't feel like soapboxing, the whole topic makes me so deeply depressed that I struggle to even put it into words. It just feels like we're in this phase of reboots and milking nostalgia dry for cash and copy-pasting memes and using AI to make illusions of creativity. It feels like... an age of imitation, where everyone is copying others, who are also faking it. And my life-goal in all of this? To just be as true to the concepts I stumble across as I can. And be as true to my experience and process as possible.

I feel like there's a difference between being creative and being industrious. And I don't know if support for creatives is very common out there anymore. But, of course, my perspective is very biased and comes from a place of isolation... so... maybe there are tons of people nurturing creativity... and I'm just craving it. I'm just disconnected from it. I don't know.

I said I'm not going to soapbox, so I'm done. Again, it just bums me out too much, and I'm sure it's not completely true... rather, more a reflection of my fears. Because if it were true? What purpose do I have? That's spooky, you know? But that's the old "you need to create value for others" crap I got drilled into my head by my mom talking.

So yeah, maybe what I need to do tomorrow is... okay, let's try prepping a few new test beads and taking them outside and spraying them. That way I don't have to worry about "ruining" the beads I have already made. I'll do a few that are just ink dyed and a few with Mod Podge on them. Then, if that process ends up going okay and the results are good, I'll be good to just go spray the whole batch. And the plan right now is to use copper wire or string to suspend them, and put cardboard underneath so I'm not spraying all over the grass or whatever. I don't know, I'll figure the rest out when I get there. The goal is to do that tomorrow, we'll see how that plays out.

I did yoga this morning and god was it a welcome return. I enjoyed it. But... I found some bugs on my jasmine plant. I honestly have no clue how they got there, I'm guessing they came with the cutting? I have no clue. I'm praying they didn't infest my tomato or my chili, I'm going to check them before bed to make sure. They were these weird things that looked like pillbugs, or roly-polys (however you spell that), I'm guessing some kind of plant lice, gross little shits. I just plucked them off and flung them out the window. So... that was a bummer... but...

The jasmine bloomed today. And the whole apartment smelled of it. They smell very strong, and... there really aren't a ton of flowers either... so... XD I may have bit off more than I could chew? I hope not. I've been a bit anxious about it, like... that's one thing I didn't really take into consideration before buying what will grow into a full fucking bush... whether I will like the aroma... It was really a leap of faith with it, and I really did just get the plant because of the novelty of it blooming at night. The scent is intense, but it's not bad, it's just going to take some getting used to. I spent a little time today looking up bonsais, and seeing whether you can make this species into a bonsai, and apparently you can. So... that could be a thing down the line.

So yeah, I played a bit of Risk of Rain earlier in the day, I took care of the plants, I took a shower, I did laundry, I cooked some food, I watched the tail-end of a stream, and I've just sorta been floating around since.

I've been trying to listen for my inspiration, but it feels distant right now. It feels... dull, like music on the other side of a thick wall. Speaking of music... I played guitar a bunch today, so that was good. The only real inspiration that called me today was... I realized a lot of my clothes don't fit me anymore. And are getting really old and beaten up. And I've always... I mean always been the kind of person that wears clothes until they are literally unwearable. To the point where I actually want to learn how to tailor, or at least patch clothing so I can extend its lifespan. But in my laundry today was that old white Parkway Drive wifebeater... and that thing is basically yellow at this point. I never really saw the color change because of how gradual it was, but years of sweat and smoke and age... yeah, I think it's time to retire it. But... my inspiration chimed in and said... "hey, you know... you could just... order some blank shirts off that place you got that fabric paint from... And get some fabric for wall hangings too, while you're at it... and get that delivered to the building. Then you can just make your own shirts. And you can make fabric art for like... display, too. Like tapestries and shit." And... it's not a half-bad idea.

But this reflex comes out and intercepts. Guess which one? The money one. Of course. In a very smart and practical tone of voice, too. And it says "hey bud, that's cool and all but... are you really going to invest more money into a project like this when you already have... how many open projects?"

And I struggle to maintain a balance there. In my experience, I make my best work when I follow whatever I'm inspired to work on. Even if that means a project lays dormant for years at a time. Even if that means some projects get started and never get finished. I feel like that's just sorta... the nature of the beast. This isn't like cooking or something, where once you start cooking something you kinda have to finish cooking it... or building a house, or something? I don't know. Like... let's take a piece I did last winter. It's a piece of cardboard, probably 5 inches by 12 inches, I painted a black border around it, a green and yellow organic pattern as a background and big all-caps lettering "BE HERE NOW" on it in gold ink. And it sat on my tables and cabinets and shit for months. And I took the opportunity, when I was sealing the yellow beads, to finally add a coat of Mod Podge to it to seal it and call it "finished". Is it actually "finished"? Fuck no! I could add edges to it to camouflage that it's made of cardboard. I could just use pushpins to mount it on the wall. I could mount it with cardstock and set it in a picture frame and hang it on my wall. There's tons of shit I could still do with it, even with the final coat on it. All work is a work in progress. Or, better put by one of my mentors, gone well before his time: "Art is never finished, only stopped."

So... maybe I should be a little gentler on myself, and give myself some leeway. I'm just... it's the money part. It's fucking money, I swear, every time. Every goddamn creative problem I have comes back to it. Ugh. Oh well. I'll think that over tomorrow. It's probably not as expensive as I think it is.

Birds are starting to chirp and... god this is so weird to say, I guess I'll get used to it in time... it smells different in here. XD I think the flowers closed up. Maybe it's in my head and I'm just used to the smell, I don't know... Either way, it's getting late, so.... tarot time!

First Position - Past - IV: The Emperor (A powerful, dominant, strategic and protective figure of great influence and reach. Symbolically, important changes, a shift in power, new responsibilities or authority. Adjacently symbolizes stability.) Second Position - Present - Ace of Wands, inverted (Inspiration, creativity, fresh ideas. The seed of confidence you need to embark on a new creative journey.) Third Position - Future - Ace of Cups (A new relationship and the accompanying surge of emotions. Getting in touch with your feelings. Matters of the heart. A deepening bond.)

Alright... here we go. So... this thread sources from either a strong male figure, myself as a strong male figure, or the concepts that come along with that. Stability, growth, expansion, protection. I was putting this card description into my Google Doc notes because this was the first time I've drawn it and... I have a section in there for "Personal Association/Memory", to help me learn the cards at a very personal level and... I was drawing a blank. I really haven't had many... I would venture to even say any figures like that in my life. And because of that... I kinda took on that role myself. And set it as a goal for myself. To be a good role model, and... maybe someday... a good father. It was a very "goes without saying" goal of mine my entire adult life... until very recently. I guess since I crossed the 35 year mark. And I started trying to ground myself in the reality that I... may go to my grave never being a father. And that's okay, I guess. I was a father for my pets, and I was a really good dad for them, at least towards the end once I got my shit together. So... I guess... this card might be referring to... my inner Dad. The part of myself that keeps me safe, keeps me secure, keeps me protected and stable and responsible. That's my theory on this.

That Emperor symbol from the Past is connected to... an inverted Ace of Wands. Aces are the beginnings of the journey of that element, and Wands is creativity/creation. And the second I drew that card, I chuckled, because I spent pretty much this entire journal entry (and last one) talking about creative block and a lack of inspiration. Or, at least, dysfunction with my inspiration. And the inverted Ace of Wands is the embodiment of that. So... pretty straight-forward there.

What that's connected to, as an outcome in the Future... is the Ace of Cups. We got this a few days ago. The Ace of Cups is the start down the journey of emotions, perhaps social connection. It's that giant surge of emotions you get on a first date. At least, that's how I've been reading the card; as a giant outburst or influx of emotions. In that context, this narrative makes sense to me.

How I'm reading this... is that I have a protective figure inside me... maybe it's the budget guy? The "will it sell" guy? The "will you ever make enough to pay rent" guy? Who is trying to keep me safe in a very practical, fatherly way. He's looking out for me. "Don't just go buying t-shirts and cloth and stuff, you have projects to work on already, just write it down and come back to it, we're on a budget right now." That inner fatherly voice, keeping my creative self in check from impulsively ordering. But this practical Emperor... can cause disruptions with my inspiration. I mean, I was literally complaining about it this entire post! "hey bud, that's cool and all but... are you really going to invest more money into a project like this when you already have... how many open projects?" I fucking quoted it! And that's literally snuffing out an inspiration spark before it has a chance to take root, because it's not in the budget. It's not finding a way to make it work, it's not figuring out what work I can do on that project with what I have on hand... it's just diverting my attention away from my inspiration and back over to my other projects. Which obviously puts my inspiration and creative project into disarray. And the result of this? If it goes unchecked? Well... that's the part I've been trying to understand, because... I kinda got the vibe from Ace of Cups that it was a "positive" card... like a "welcome to a new relationship" kinda card... but... in this context, it really doesn't feel that way. It feels like it's a giant surge of emotion, and me submitting to that emotion, or being powerless to it. Not necessarily being out of control or in disorder from it, but being consumed by it. And that would probably be... anxiety? Depression? Frustration? I guess.

I'm a bit shaky on the last bit, because... again... if that Ace of Cups was inverted it would make perfect sense to me. But... I mean... given the context of the other cards... I just don't really see any big primal outpouring of emotions coming from an inverted Ace of Wands being... good emotions...

So... my inner Father is being a bit too tough on me and is stifling my creativity... and I need to regulate and tweak the way I do that a bit or... I could be headed to a big emotional surge that isn't necessarily a good one. That makes sense to me.

Alright, it's late. Well... early. Whatever. I'm heading to bed.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of thoughts #stream of consciousness

2 notes · View notes

papytonpropaganda · 1 year

Note

A bit late for for the writing ask thing! 💖👻😈🤔💭🍰

💖 What do you like most about your own writing?

I guess I'd have to say how effortless it feels when I'm really in the zone. I don't wanna say it's easy, because most of the time it's not, but when I'm actually able to sit down and focus, I can crank out a whole Walls chapter in a couple hours (yes I have done this before). I think it's due to how much I love the characters and the story I've created for them, and being excited to share that story with people, especially those who resonate with the characters.

👻 What is one WIP you think you may never pick back up?

I have this really old wip from like. even before Walls was conceived I think. it was basically going to be Undertale but from Chara's perspective. I haven't completely rejected the idea of going back to it, but I'm just not sure if I have any ideas unique enough to really set it apart from other similar fics, or interesting enough that people are willing to basically sit down and re-experience Undertale in written form.

😈 Is there anything you enjoy doing that you think your readers hate?

again I can't really think of anything, but I'm curious to see what others have to say (again pls be nice if u have anything to say)

🤔 What is the hardest part of writing fic?

I feel like I could go with multiple different answers here, but the one I'll pick for now is basically trying to follow my artistic vision while also not pissing anyone else off. what I mean by that is like... I'm constantly trying to get other people's approval for my creative decisions, and I feel like that hinders the stories I write and my personal growth as a writer. while I'm not one of those people who constantly complains about "puritanism" in fandom, I do think there's a bit of a thing where people hear that a work includes a difficult topic, and they immediately distrust the creator without verifying for themselves whether that topic is handled appropriately. I have personally experienced people automatically assuming I'm doing something "fetishy" when I mention the topics that Walls deals with, for example. and I just feel like this is such a sad and unproductive way to interact with anyone's creation. it doesn't foster a sense of community or respect, or encourage anyone to personally engage with a work and figure out for themselves whether it did what it was intended to. now of course I'm not saying you should never be skeptical, I just think it's important that you verify for yourself what a work does with a topic rather than just relying on hearsay.

sorry for the soapbox rant lol. I'm basically just trying to say that it's difficult for me to stick to my honest vision when I'm also trying not to cross any lines. and that doesn't even have to apply to like, dark topics, it can also apply to just characterization in general (I frequently feel like my visions of Papyrus and Mettaton aren't humorous enough, for example, and that I'm turning people away by having all the angst in Walls.)

💭 What is a headcanon you have about your own work?

Chara is an entity in Walls, but only Frisk and Flowey are aware of their presence (and Flowey only knows because Frisk told him). Chara has various opinions on all of the family members at the beginning of Walls, and throughout the story, their opinion on Mettaton changes the most--they go from thinking he's boring and annoying to "if anyone hurts Mettaton I will kill everyone in this room and then myself" once they figure out how abusive Devon is.

🍰 Name one of your fave comfort fics (doesn’t have to be your all time fave).

I don't read fic much these days but there is one I constantly go back to and I would say it's definitely my favorite fic I've ever read. and surprisingly it is not Undertale. it is. uh. Harry Potter 🙈 but it's literally SO good, way better than anything JKR ever wrote and it's basically the only HP thing I engage with anymore. it has Harry actually responding realistically to having been abused by his aunt and uncle, and Snape is an actual well-rounded, likable and sympathetic character. I literally can't read the original books anymore because they just don't compare to how fantastically written the fanfic author made the main characters. the premise was a bit weird and I remember being cautious when I first read the fic, but the author REALLY made it work and well. obviously it became something very precious to me lol. but yeah.

#piizza-crust23 #thank you for asking!

4 notes · View notes