#i want people to fUCK with me tho i fear my posts are hidden

[gouinisme]

i truly do not think alice can possibly stop being a character bc of previously stated reasons so now my working theory is the "i'll die down here" is mostly a distraction from "i was born down here" and alice Is some kind of reborn or construct or undead or something in the way that what she Is, her Current form of life was born from whatever weird alchemist shit is going on in the OIAR and the Magnus institute

#or she'll die and come back wrong #this is not me being in denial btw like i probably care about colin more than i do alice and i don't think he's gonna make it very far #alexander j newall said his recordings get weird faster so i think we'll have a little while of spooky happenings before he dies but yeah #i don't think he's gonna make it #but on alice's side i've already mentioned it but 1) the writers clearly know enough about queer horror and the history and tropes of that #representation to know killing off your trans character early is a bad move #trans women in horror have a very weird and usually harmful portrayal and i think they know that #and 2) it would be weird from just a marketing standpoint to kill off one of the official announced protagonists in the first season #if alice does die i'm gonna look so stupid #no actually if alice does die i'm gonna campaign the “this is how undead alice can still win” agenda so hard #alice dyer #alice tmagp #tmagp #tmagp spoilers #? #the magnus protocol #i want people to fUCK with me tho i fear my posts are hidden

[pomegranates-and-blood]

Drowning (500 Celebration)

500 Celebration Masterlist

Pairing: Hvitserk/f!Reader

Prompt: From the Fluff Prompts category: “You make me happy.”  

Word Count: 3374

Warnings: Topics of drowning and death by drowning. Mentions/allusions to violence and death. A whole lot of angst and some morsels of fluff hidden there. Angst with a happy ending tho. This is, now more than ever after I was gone for so long, probably very OOC. There’s also a lot of introspection going on here, most of this is introspection in fact, since I tried challenging myself a bit. I’m sorry!

A/N: So, I'm still alive and writing for these characters, apparently 🤷‍♀️. It’s been almost a year since I announced my hiatus and well over six months since I posted anything, so: 1) hi again, 2) I’m sorry, and 3) holy fuck, a lot happened since I’ve been away, huh? Anyways, I’ll try to return for good this time! I hope this is alright!

Hvitserk has often, ever since he was a child, caught himself mesmerized -haunted, maybe- by water. By drowning, if he’s a tad more honest.

Ubbe and him never talk about it, not even when in their younger years, quietly, they gave away truths like I hope he never comes back, or when with something darker, something angrier, they reminded each other over the years, I still remember mother’s bruises, or even when they let mead loosen their tongues and admit today to things like I never quite forgave him.

They never talk about it, about her, about what they saw by the edge of that river.

Yet, Hvitserk has seen his elder brother often rush to bring his nieces and nephews back to safety whenever they stray too far into the shallow waters, as if he too sees the hands of a ghost waiting to drag what he loves into the deep; and he noticed the way Ubbe always was paralyzed in fear when he caught himself raising his voice against their mother, as if the knowledge of how much he looks like his father has made him fear the day he becomes like him.

So they never talk about it, but they haven’t forgotten. They never could.

He never could never really understand what drowning feels like, what makes people flail and claw and fight to try and escape, but it never stopped his mind from trying to, and in his nightmares when he was young, it was him his father drowned, it was his own face forced under the still waters as he stood there and watched.

What he has realized, in the aimless musings he allows himself, with his back to a tree in some forest of England waiting for his time on watch to pass, on the nights where sleep eludes him because you aren’t there beside him; is that for as much as the thought of drowning terrifies him, what truly haunts him is the mere idea that he might lose the people he loves to such a horrible fate.

He first realized he feared it so when Ivar almost drowned. It was only the second winter since Ragnar failed to return, and he had argued with Ubbe that he too could be a man, that he too could look after his younger brothers, and while Bjorn took the eldest hunting, Hvitserk took Ivar and Sigurd to the cabin by the river’s edge.

He cannot even remember what Sigurd and Ivar started fighting about, he can only remember he was reaching up to grasp at a pear dangling from a tree, Sigurd and Ivar off his sight for a few moments while he remained close enough to hear his brothers fighting by the pier where they sat. He remembers he was close enough to hear Sigurd’s scream as Ivar fell into the water, yet far enough that he believed the worst had come to pass by the time he dove into the cold water to save his brother.

And he and Ivar do talk about it, when they admit to shameful things like fear of death with small smiles that promise no one but us will know, when they speak of what life before and after their father has been by accompanying each wound with a scoff as if to say but don’t worry about me, when they exchange in truths about what they want most but only in the quiet between battles because accompanying those hopes is the silent admission of if only I were someone else’s son.

So they talk about it, but his brother could never tell him what drowning feels like. He did ask, once, a few days after that incident, and Ivar looked at him blankly and replied with the same thing Hvitserk did when he asked what running felt like, and said, not everything is like something else.

He doesn’t know what drowning is like, he just knows he fears it, he just knows that in some part of his mind he is still haunted by a death that never found him but passed by him, by a ghost that never struck against him but still struck.

But he has learned to overcome it, he has learned to think of drowning and think of Ubbe’s hand on his shoulder shaking him awake from a nightmare where his father’s hands pressed him further and further under the dark water, think of the sound of Ivar crawling towards him on the boat and his grumbling about how much he hates the open water whenever the memory his father’s manic voice telling him to disguise the boats creeps into his thoughts, think of your soft hands cupping his face and your eyes warm with adoration looking into his whenever he feels like being forced under the water by the weight of legacy.

He has learned, and so he isn’t so afraid of drowning anymore, at least not drowning as he used to fear it when he was younger, the drowning of flailing limbs and frantic gasps; and the only drowning he fears now is the one he can’t quite define or understand, the one where someone he loves is holding him underwater, the one where he is watching someone die and does nothing.

But it has been years since he has been afraid of drowning, since he has hesitated before agreeing to join his brothers in a short trip uphill of Kattegat to the river’s edge, since he has flinched when you set your hands on his shoulders as you both enjoy a swim in the warm lake near Thetford.

The last time he remembers feeling that fear was a long time ago. Those first couple of months after first meeting you he’d spend most of his time following you around as you worked, asking questions just to hear you talk, chest growing warm each time he made you smile. So, when one morning he found you waiting for him far from the market where you offered your crafts, and you extended a hand with a smile and asked him if he’d like to go somewhere with you, of course he said yes. He would have done anything to make it so that you kept looking at him like that, so that you kept smiling like that.

You spent the day together, venturing far from Kattegat and into the familiar forests, your hand comfortably in his as you gave away truths about each other, as you traded secrets. When the sun started to fall, he promised to share another secret with you only if you swore never share it with anyone else, and when you agreed, he leaned down and kissed you.

He still remembers what it felt like to feel your lips pull into a smile against his, still remembers the glint in your eye even as you playfully smacked his arm and told him he was a fool.

He might have been, but since that day he has been the only one to kiss you, so he still counts it as one of the best deals he made, however foolish.

Unwilling to let the night end, you had taken him to the edge of the river, watched the moon paint over the calm waters for a few breaths before turning to him, already toeing off your shoes, and daring him to jump in with you.

You hadn’t waited for an answer that time, shrugging off your dress in the blink of an eye and diving into the dark waters without him.

He dove right after you, but try as he might he couldn’t hide from you that it was something more than the desire to join you that drove him in that moment. It had been merely a moment, but his stomach dropped, and his heart felt as if it had stalled its beat, because for a moment, just a moment, you hadn’t surfaced.

Later, while he had convinced himself he had successfully distracted you from remembering anything from that swim aside from his hands and mouth on you, bodies intertwined in a pile of your clothes pretending neither of you were shivering; you asked if you had scared him when you jumped into the river, an adorable tilt to your head and an adoration shining in your eyes that against what his worst thoughts once promised has never faded. Hvitserk chose to tell you about the time Ivar almost drowned when they were children.

Not really a lie, and while he knows that it isn’t enough, he doesn’t know where to start with telling you the truth.

But he tells you, or tries to anyhow, in other ways. He tells you, cannot help but do so, when each morning that finds him with you still in his arms finds him bringing you closer before he has even woken up, a mindless search for the reassurance that you are still there, that you are still real, when the first word that leaves his lips each morning is a call of your name. He tells you when he kisses you goodbye before a battle and grasps your hand to wrap your fingers around a knife, brow pressed against yours and eyes searching your own in the silent request that you promise you’ll do what it takes to keep yourself safe. He tells you after each return from a spring of battle and conquest, when he finds himself absently reaching for you more often than before, chasing after the warmth of your touch and the reassurance of your presence even if through nothing more than a graze of his fingers against yours as you both dine quietly.

He tells you in many ways, and he hopes you understand, he hopes you know that with each whisper of your name in the quiet mornings he is promising I’ll always keep you safe, that with each goodbye he prays is not the last he keeps himself from admitting I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you, that with each caress of his hand over your soft skin after too long apart he is reminding the both of you, you brought me home.

It all seems so…insufficient now, and he cannot help the part of him that wonders whether he could have kept you safe if he had told you the truth, about everything, about his fears of losing the people he loves, about how he still feels his Fate has been marked, from beginning to end, by drowning. It is all he has thought about, for as long as he has been in this boat, filled with restlessness and something more bitter, something like fear, as they travel back to what is left of the city where you were waiting for him.

There are few times the Gods have heard him plead, pray.

He did, between hiccupping sobs and hearing Sigurd’s frantic whispers about how he didn’t mean for this to happen, as he tried helping Ivar cough out the water he had almost drowned in, he prayed and pleaded until Ubbe and Bjorn found the three of them and took them home.

He did, hands gripping the railings of the boat that took them home so tightly it hurt for days afterwards, when they got word of Lagertha’s usurping of his mother’s throne, and he was so sure Ubbe had died defending their mother or attempting to avenge her, and prayed to be wrong.

And he does now, because from here he can see the smoke rising over the city where you promised to be waiting for him, and the reality of what has happened is dawning on him, and he prays, he pleads, that the worst hasn’t come to pass, that…that there is something he can do, something he can exchange -his own life, if that is what the Gods demand- to keep you safe, alive.

His breaths stutter past his lips and he grits his teeth to force himself to keep looking at the destroyed city ahead, and he finds himself begging that the Gods allow him just one thing, just this one happiness. He will weather any storm, he will give up anything, he just pleads to whatever might listen that he doesn’t have to give up a life with you beside him, that he doesn’t have to live in a world that doesn’t have you in it.

When he jumps from the boat onto the shallow waters of the shore, he could swear for a moment the electric blue of his father’s eyes is looking back from under the water, but he has no time to dwell on it, for he is running to try to find you before he can think twice about it.

He finally understands now, trying to breathe past the smoke and the fear, searching amongst the bodies littered by the shore for a familiar face and yet refusing to even fathom the possibility that you may be amongst the dead, what drowning is.

Drowning is this. This helplessness, this horror.

He remembers Bjorn’s frown and how alike it was to their father’s, and his brother’s gruff whisper of unhappiness is more common than happiness as they sailed back from Paris with a husk of a father that had been gone long before he slipped away in the first port they docked in.

He remembers all the times he saw the hollowness in Ubbe’s eyes as he let himself linger on the sight of a father with his children, and it is still lodged in Hvitserk’s heart the answer his brother gave when he asked if a simple life would make him happy, we are the sons of Ragnar, is that not enough for any man?

He has seen too many times Ivar’s eyes tinged with blue and his smile tinged with something fragile, and heard too many times the sentence, the promise from a ghost that by his little brother is always voiced as a question, as a plea to have it denied, happiness is nothing.

He remembers all that. And yet, he was foolish enough to tell you, more than once, drunk on love and having lost half his mind to the curve of your smile, you make me happy.

Thinking back on it now, as he searches the town desperately for a glimpse of you; with intrusive thoughts chasing themselves in circles, trying to find something bigger in the sight before him than soot and blood, trying to give to the grief pressing onto his chest a deeper cause than just misfortune, that he walked willingly into those dark waters of his nightmares that first night he spent with you, that every night since, every moment since, have been but him taking another step forwards.

It would have been worth it, to drown, if what robbed him of breath had been the taste of your kiss, but in Hvitserk’s mind the image of himself walking into the deep with your hand in his, dragging you with him, damning you with him.

Someone at his back tells him there is no sign of the group that attacked, that they have left by now. He knows what they mean to tell him by that, he knows it should bring him to his knees to have it confirmed, but he can only manage an absent nod, numbly stumbling over the corpse of a man he once knew, to keep searching.

For all his nightmares where cold hands drag him to the deep, for all his musings where the weight of his father’s rage and his father’s failings push him down onto dark waters, he never quite thought drowning for him would be this, would be just this hollow sinking, this creeping despair making it harder and harder to breathe.

There are no hands dragging him down, there are no cruel faces looming above him, all there is is this horrifying absence, is the painful acceptance that he has lost the ground under his feet. All there is is sinking.

Further into the city he finds the damage isn’t as extensive as in the port and it still looks like the city that saw him kiss you goodbye; that beyond the wall of black smoke still clouding the bloodied streets, there are signs of a fight, of a resistance; that past the smoke there are people moving about, helping the injured and putting out the faint fires.

And hope holds him by the throat, and promises a way out of the water if he just clings to the grip on his throat despite the pain it causes and promises, and Hvitserk’s breath catches, stride suddenly more frantic, more desperate, as he continues searching.

It feels like a last breath, one last gasp before falling into the deep, when he calls out your name.

He is frozen in place as he hears your voice call back, and for a moment he thinks it nothing but a last mercy from Rán as she drags him down in her net, but a familiar figure emerges from behind one of the makeshift barricades, stumbling over a shield as she makes her way to him.

You haven’t made it two steps towards him when Hvitserk is already before you, stumbling, falling, running to hold you again, to wrap his arms around you and remind himself you are safe, to bury his face in your neck and take the gasping breaths of a man that was just pulled from the depths of the sea.

There’s a part of him worrying that he is holding you too tightly, that you might be injured or hurting and he should relax his hold on you, but he can’t make his body obey him right now, he can’t control how tightly he holds your body against his, he can’t control the tremble of his arms, the buckling of his knees as he almost brings you both to the ground.

Your voice, quiet and warm, washes over him as you murmur words he cannot understand right now, what he is sure are promises that you are alright, that it is all alright; and your arms are around him, holding him just as tightly, hands trembling as they cling to the edges of his armor.

Underneath the smoke there I still the faint scent of you, of the lavender oil he has spent many nights tasting on your skin and something softer that is just you, and it helps him slow his breathing, it helps him follow the motions of your hand on his back and find a rhythm.

When his breaths are no longer the desperate gasps for air of a man that understood finally what drowning is from entirely too close, Hvitserk makes himself pull away, just enough that he can rake his eyes over you and see for himself that you are safe, that you are unharmed.

Still, because losing the warmth of your body against his dropped a weight on his chest he wasn’t expecting, he reaches to grasp at your hand tightly, perhaps a tad franticly.

Your smile is trembling but still you reach with your hand to cup the side of his face, a ghost of a caress over his skin that more than ever feels like could break him; and the sight of you now, the feel of you now, is enough to undo him.

Hvitserk leans forward, letting his eyes fall closed as he presses his brow against yours, and though his heart still feels if it had been torn from his chest, and his hand cannot let go of yours no matter how much he tries, with you so close, your lips brushing his, he feels he can finally breathe.

There is much he should tell you, he should give name to the relief making each beat of his heart hurt and say I am so happy you are alright, he should voice his fear if only to be reminded it isn’t real and admit I thought I had lost you, he should give away one more truth and tell you drowning feels like a world without you.

Instead, voice a whisper and breaths one, he says,

“I love you.”

Thank you for reading, hope you liked this! Would you believe me if I told you this started out as a happy/fluffy piece? 🥴

I tried challenging myself and writing something with no dialogue but with a moving plot anyways, and idk if I did well, and I’m sorry if this sucks, but it was fun to write at least!

Anyhow, I’m sorry for the long absence! Tbh I debated a lot on coming back here and posting my stuff again, but for now I’m motivated, and I’m back. Sorta. Kinda. Fingers crossed.

But yeah, I am motivated, and I have a lot of things that I wanna share too, so hopefully I’ll see you again soon!

Taglist (so I don’t know what to do with taglists, I kept them as they were but idk. If you wanna be removed or smth please lemme know)

500 All: @youbloodymadgenius​​ @xbellaxcarolinax​​ @1950schick​​ @ietss​​ @peachyboneless​​ @encounterthepast​​ @maggiescarborough​ @fae-sedai​​ @zuxiezendler​​ @crazybunnyladysworld​​ @stupiddarkkside​​ @northumbria​​ @sagyunaro @aprilivar​​

500 Hvitserk: @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie​​

#hvitserk x reader #hvitserk imagine #Hvitserk #hvitserk vikings #500 fucking hell thank you ily

[a-vicious-faithless-angel]

Ok ok so just like alright um so yall I just ok alright,,,hear me out... Now I'm honestly debating on posting this simply cuz,,,,idfk I got anxiety n shit even tho.....I should honestly not care anyway not the point.

These guys....as lovers [Mind blown ik] I have so many thoughts...Like I already talked about their relationships with each other but I wanna go into different detail yknow? Like all together, I think these guys do really love each other, they've grown to really care and give a shit since they just have each other [Sorry I will never not mention how they only have each other yall] When I think of them as a whole its just a bundle of platonic dudes happily together <3 Who learn to be close with each other, that rely on that closeness as a source of comfort...God the thoughts...

But, honestly I dont even remember what prompted to put 2 n 2 together but I've thought a lot about Woods + Hackett as well as Dauda + Bishop [Idk if my last gtfo post was kinda telling or the post with just Bishop n Dauda] Anyway those 2 kinda plagued my mind, of course I think of all of them and or the other relationships but I just,,,,kinda wanna talk about that stuff yknow?

Woods n Hackett....gosh theyre so silly to me, I could go into my headcanons n everything another time [cuz some of those hcs hng ideas behind them hi yall] They're....not soft lovers but in their own way they are...Call it enemies to friends to lovers whatever you want I don't think they started off entirely liking each other, Hacketts sarcastic remarks kinda being.....a little jarring considering where they where! However like the rest of them, you grow used to it, expecting it. I believe Hackett was the 1 to really express his feelings n ask, Woods agreeing despite some internal thoughts [Hi] When I think of them, I think of them seeking each other, fighting away isolation. I think of tracing of skin, tenderly with rough calloused hands. I think of hidden kisses, hidden from the others, not out of fear but Woods preferring the privacy when he shows his affection. Theres the hesitation of being more intimate, of whispering those words, its been so long.

Dauda n Bishop are really interesting to me simply because I believe Bishop didn't develop and tried to push away those feelings at first but boy! You ain't leaving any of them for awhile! Better get used to this! No lol but seriously, there was already distrust and general distance he tried to put between himself and the others but after awhile, after all of those rundowns,,,slowly you open up, you lower that wall and let some people in. But someone more intimate like that? Fucking terrifying, big no no, nuhuh nope! He cares, and he will express his care in.....ways [aka sometimes being an ass!] But when I think of it, there's a lot of unknown, unfamiliar territory, almost like he's crossing a boundary, alas Dauda's a patient man who loves this pragmatic bald British boyfriend! He's patient with affection, allowing Bishop to go and test the waters. Holding hands, cupping faces, soft whispers shared when alone, of encouragement, of love, of hope.

When I think of them I think of "its been so long since I've last felt this/done this" Trust in someone they barely know, yet feel like they've known for years now. ...<3 Do I think the others will catch each other doing this? Yes absolutely. Do I think sometimes they joke about it n give them a hard time? Absolutely you know it; you cannot tell me Bishop would be getting on Hackett n Woods on a mission cuz they're off in another room being the worlds most quietest queers right then

#gtfo ☣️ #gtfo game #idk rambles 💟 #writing rants 📖 #Frank bishop #abeo dauda #isaiah woods #aiden hackett #guys I dont think you understand just how many detailed thoughts I have about these guys #its actually ridiculous #I open the doc to just gtfo rambles and explode #I have so many thoughts #to many #like we'd be here all day If I wrote them out #KJFGHKFDGH #just let them love!!1 #Let them be happy!! #Let them have some forms of relationships!! romantic or not!! #Let them have something I beg #they deserve it #its like 3 am rn hi guys #God I cant explain how I feel #its painful

[mintchochipkookie]

hiii so I know your post about how ridiculous the growing number of anti-zuko takes are was from months ago, but I somehow ran into a lot of them the other day and your post was a very necessary palette cleanser so. first of all thank you for that!! though you did mention that there’s 2 instances where you don’t think zuko’s particularly well-written, and I’m really curious as to what those are if you’d like to share

Ah, thank you Anon, that's so nice to hear. I get irrationally worked up when I see bad Zuko and Toph takes so that rant kinda just got away from me hahah

And yes, there are only 2 things I would rewrite about Zuko's entire arc. The first is a minor scene from the finale that quite frankly, didn’t need to be there at all? I think it was Br*ke’s attempt at humour and it makes me want to pull my hair out because the logic of writing that scene is beyond me. When they’re looking for Aang, Toph is talking about her relationship with her parents (or lack thereof) and Zuko just makes a face and basically tells her to shut up?????????? Have these men watched their own show I’m so–

Literally in the previous episode Toph and Zuko have a heart to heart about Iroh’s love for him, but suddenly let’s play Toph’s trauma up for laughs I’m actually getting so heated rn lmao. The overdramatic violins playing while she talks and the offhanded “worst field trip ever” while Zuko walks away, wow such writing much wow. How many decisions were made to write, animate, and include that in the final cut, and what did it add to the story? Jackshit, and it’s very uncharacteristic for Zuko, who has been nothing but empathetic and caring for a season and a half, so go figure.

The second one. sigh. I don’t even want to talk about it because someone will def jump on the bullshit narrative of me being a dumb salty ZK shipper. So I’m gonna give yet another disclaimer for this fandom. I’ve answered plenty of asks about this in the past too, and I’ve made it very clear that my feelings about the canon ships (and certain characters) were not affected by my love for Zutara, rather it was the other way round. While watching the show I certainly thought that there was a lot in the writing that implied Zutara, it wasn’t until I sat with the show for a couple of weeks that I realised actually really love the ship. I was angry at the end kisses and stand by the fact that no one should’ve kissed and coupled up, but the fact that it was those two…guys I just. Who allowed these men to write for television I’m crying.

Anyone who’s been here a while knows that I’m not much of a shipper and I’ve never shipped a non-canon ship before because I’m not one of those people who goes out of their way to find hidden romantic subtext between two characters who so much as exist in the same space. I’d much rather explore other relationship dynamics, and tend to get quite bored by romance in general.

So yeah, I stand by the fact that the two canon couples are completely antithetical to the show’s message, and ultimately Br*ke’s fixation on the other one is what led to the show’s end and their protagonist being absolute trash. Talking specifically about Ma/iko tho. Like. The whole point of making them date at the start of S3 was to show us how Zuko doesn’t fit into that life anymore and how it brings out the worst in him???? It was to show us how much he’s changed and how M/ai represents the core FN imperialistic ideologies and how Zuko disagrees with it on a fundamental level???????????? She literally calls him a traitor for defecting, like what. And then suddenly “she loves him more than she fears Azula” (oh lordy I could go on for hours about how that was another completely fucking wasted opportunity to explore an interesting dynamic between the FN girls. And also how that line makes no sense for Mai, and if anyone was scared of Azula, it was Ty Lee but oh well). And then cut to the end scene and they’re making out again without having addressed any of the actual issues in their relationship??? Cool. I hate it here. Reach for your dreams kids, cuz if these men can be successful “writers”, you can do anything!!!!

#ask #anon #anyway send me shit i'm going thru it besties #oh goody time to tag this with all the tags so that maybe the antis will stay out #atla salt #atla critical #anti bryke #bryke critical #anti maiko #and even tho it's not really i'm gonna be extra safe and just #mai critical #anti aang #aang salt #aang critical #anti kataang

[heybeybey]

Sunshine on a Cloudy Day

Pairing: Rivetra | Levi x Petra

Summary: Forced to retire from the Scouts due to a major injury, Levi thinks he'll be spending the rest of his days in domestic solitude. Petra, however, has another idea.

Loosely based on The Way of the Househusband.

Or: Captain Petra x Househusband Levi canonverse AU

AO3 Link

A/N: Okay I've had this outlined for WEEKS (no ending in mind tho) but I never got around to actually drafting it. But....... I had some time this morning and the inspiration after seeing this post so yay.

Thanks to @sleeperswakewriting for introducing me to The Way of the Househusband. It's cute and funny and DEFINITELY RIVETRA in another universe.

This is going be a drabble series btw but no assurance on when I'll be updating each chapter (My Royalty AU draft is glaring at this fic rn tbh). Some chapters will be based on the Netflix show but Levi's condition is a bit different from Tatsu's so it'll probably be loosely based at best.

And yes, the title is from the song My Girl. But I like this version since I think it fits Petra the most :3

Also also, we all know deep down that Levi wants to be a househusband so here you go.

- - -

Chapter 1: The Ceremonies

There was a time when his mind wandered to how his career in the Scouts would end. Levi always thought he'd die on the battlefield, just as he witnessed among his comrades. He'd accepted that reality, sometimes even waiting for it despite his will to continue fighting on.

For some reason, retiring has never crossed his mind.

"Honorably discharged due to major leg injury, incomplete spinal cord injury, and loss of right eyesight."

He can still hear the pity and sadness from Erwin's voice from that day in the hospital when they talked over where he will go from there. The doctors mentioned that his spine will heal over time, but his leg is broken way beyond repair. It's worse enough that amputation was considered at one point. He'd be good as titan food should he retain his current position in the scouts.

At first, he wanted to scream. He wasn't the type to show some outwardly emotion (except for when he's beating down new recruits or the three males in his squad) but being a part of the Survey Corps is what gave this shit of a life some meaning after he was pulled out of the underground.

Frankly, he didn't know what's next.

"Hey, Captain." Petra's sweet voice snapped Levi out of his thoughts and he forces himself to get out of his bad mood. This was her day and he'd be damned if he ruins it for her.

Levi takes her in and the corner of his lip quirks up. He feels pride fill his chest as his eyes strays a bit on the insignia freshly pinned on her uniform.

"I think I should be the one calling you that, Ral." He replies. "Congratulations."

Wheelchair-bound for what may be the rest of his life, Levi and his squad had to sit down and talk over what's next for the Scout's elites. The obvious choice was Eld, but Levi and the rest of the team were surprised when the blonde man turned down the promotion. He says that while he had the leadership skills and the years of experience that makes him more than qualified, he knew that he didn't have the same burning dedication to the cause as much as he'd witnessed in others.

Eld said that he'd be glad to support the next team captain instead. Oluo, while skilled, had often been too focused on his kill count. Gunther has a strategic mind but didn't really have the charm to bring people together.

So they all turned their attention to Petra.

To be honest, Levi had always wanted to promote Petra as his second-in-command. However, Scout regulations demanded a certain number of years that she didn't have yet at the time he first chose his elite squad. He'd never had a problem with Eld, but his and Petra's ability to synchronise on the battlefield is the reason why he'd always turned to her when he needed a second hand.

It makes sense in his eyes and to the rest of the team, even when Erwin and the other soldiers were doubtful of his choice. They've seen how ferocious Petra is during expeditions, but still had the heart to cry alongside her dying comrades. She's kind and helpful, but knows when a hard decision is needed to be made. She'd pitched in her ideas and opinions every time she accidentally passed by the officers' meeting sessions (she always brought them tea so she sometimes hear the conversations). This was often met with a surprised look from her higher-ups but having worked with Petra for quite some time, Levi would just smirk at his fellow veterans.

She's still rough around the edges and she definitely still has more room to improve, but the potential is there. He wouldn't have chosen her as part of his team in the first place if he didn't see that fire.

He wasn't surprised that Eld, Gunther and Oluo supported her, even when Petra was terrified to accept such a responsibility. Levi was firm in his decision.

In the end, Erwin stamped on his approval.

Levi was the one who pinned the insignia on her signifying her new position during today's pinning-on ceremony.

- - -

"Hey, Captain!"

"I think you should stop calling me that, Petra."

"Sorry. Habit." The ginger blushes slightly as she steps closer inside the apartment, basket in hand. "I bought something for you."

She brings out a few fruits from the basket, laying it down on the dining table in his humble apartment. "The farmer's market was on sale today and I had the chance to pass by before they closed."

"You didn't have to buy me all these, Petra."

"I had to use my pay raise for something, Captain," she jests. He wheels himself towards her to assist her with unloading the basket and they both work in silent contentment.

"So, how's your first day?" Levi asks after washing the fruits. Petra's face lights up at his question and the whole room seems to come alive as she chatters on.

"Holy Maria, Captain. I didn't know the team can be this stupid. No wonder you had dark eyebags after training us for years!"

- - -

It's been three months since he resigned from the Scouts. The new captain never fails to come home to the apartment he's renting near the Scout HQ everyday.

Come home? Tch. How delusional can you get.

He'd welcome her back every expedition and every training day. A part of him feels a bit of guilt gnaw on him when he sees how tired Petra is whenever she comes home, thinking of the time when he was her direct commanding officer.

"Captain, can I sleep here tonight?"

Now, he sees the sorrow and fatigue in her eyes. "You're always welcome here, Petra."

He offers to give up his bed for the night but she declines, saying that she'll be fine on the couch. She's unnaturally quiet, but he knows that this is how she typically is after expeditions.

They're both on the couch right now and she snuggles closer to him. Levi motions for her to lay her head on his lap, their boundaries thinning with every single visit.

He's quiet when he sees the tears start to fall from her eyes. Soon, Petra's sobbing and she wraps her arms desperately around him. His hand starts to slowly run through her ginger locks, hoping it gives her some comfort.

"She was the last in my and Oluo's batch." She starts, voice shaking and he gives her space to talk and mourn her comrade. "I wanted to save her... but it was either her or compromise the mission. I had to give the order."

"I'm sorry." Because if someone understands her better, it's him.

- - -

"Levi?"

It's the scout's day off today and they're all allowed to leave the vicinity to visit friends and family, or simply just to fuck around if they wanted.

Petra, not surprisingly, decides to spend another weekend with him.

"Hmm?" He's currently preparing their lunch, wheeling himself around the kitchen area.

"Did you ever think about settling down when you were still in the scouts?"

He cocks an eyebrow at her question. "And leave a widow crying on my grave? I didn't even have the time to date, Petra."

And he didn't even want to date someone else. Not when he kept having wet dreams about his own subordinate at that time.

"Well, you have a chance now, right?" Petra starts to help with laying down the dishes on the table. He looks at her, eyes taking in her body language. She's doing that thing with her hands again where she tries to occupy it with things to do whenever she's nervous. She's too tense for this to be some absent chatter.

"Just spit it out, Petra."

"What I'm trying to say is that I'm always here. In this apartment. Whether I'm back from training or meetings or expeditions," she starts. Levi wheels himself forward to grab their food from the small kitchen but he attentively listens to each of her words. Seeing that he won't be replying, Petra decides to continue.

"I like coming home to you, Levi. And I'm still devoted to you." Petra nervously says, the redness on her cheeks intensifying. Levi feels his heart thump at her last sentence. He stops what he's doing and looks straight into her amber eyes, the same moment as she reaches out to delicately hold both of his hands. "I'd like to continue doing so... if you'll have me in another way."

Bold as ever is the first thing that fondly came to his mind. He feels emotion start to climb up his throat but he never wavers in staring back at her. The next thing that came to mind wasn't exactly a thought, and the answer leaves his mouth with a certainty he didn't know he had.

"Okay," he quietly replies. Not much of a talker, as usual. Still, his sure answer was quite a surprise to the both of them.

Was it loneliness? That fear that he'd most likely die alone because of his automatic ability to push people away? Maybe it's some deep hidden desire to live a domestic life with someone—something that he allowed himself to fleetingly dream of while he was still in that underground hellhole—that he has since accepted wouldn't be in his future.

Until now.

He and Petra decided to have a shotgun wedding that same afternoon.

#rivetra #rivetra fic #rivetra fanfic #levi ackerman #petra ral #rivapeto #levitra #shingeki no kyojin #aot levi #aot petra

[iwillnotrevealmyidentity]

Gabriel Agreste might just be the best season 4 episode (so far)

Here are my thoughts and theories. Grab some popcorn bc this is gonna be a long one

I’m gonna ignore the fact that now Marc, Nathaniel AND Zoé have now gotten roped in the Adrien-stalking-nonsense (like what was the point of this?). Instead I’m going to focus on the fact that Marinette had a very good reason to infiltrate the secret society party hosted by gabeshit. I honestly found it refreshing how she went to get the blackmail video deleted from Chloé’s phone instead of stalking adrien. The bar is so low at this point

As much as I hate how they are treating Chloé’s character, in Gabriel Agreste we see the aftermath of her friendship break-up with Adrien. We know how much she relied on him and their friendship, and even that was was taken from her, even if it was something she jeopardized all by herself. In turn, Chloé knows how much going to school means to Adrien, so she’s trying to take that away from him. If that was what the writers were going for, mad respect. I wish they would have been more specific. Still a nice touch tho.

Moving on to more important things…

Overall thoughts

I love how even though the title of the episode refers to the Gabriel Agreste sentimonster, it also symbolizes the fact that this is the crucial moment where Gabriel realizes just how powerful he can be (cue Dearest Family). And if we look at the post credit scene, Gabeshit left the two fake miraculouses on the hidden shelves as if knowing that once Felix returns he will come looking for them. He is definitely planning to use his nephew’s cleverness to his advantage and draw him on his side. Something I will expand on later.

The whole secret society plot line freaks me out. The creators have some balls to depict something like this on a kids show, as they are pretty much real. The shit that goes down at meetings of rich, influential people, the secrets they keep, the money they handle… sheesh they’re so cult-y and it’s best to keep them secret, hence the term. I think it was generally an interesting dimension to add to the agreste characters, of just to show how fucked up Adrien’s childhood was and how fucked up they are. Also I think it’s a set-up for the adults’ story line. Guess we’ll see.

The atmosphere of this episode is entirely eerie, from the secret society meeting, to the masks, to the ominous music, and to the mansion. We get an in-depth look at the Agreste mansion, but the angles are all odd, evoking that sort of claustrophobia and feeling of minimization. This is not your regular episode where the focus is the superheroes, no, this one focuses on a potential ally for Shadowmoth.

Felix

Can we talk about how cunning this guy is?

He figured it out just by watching a video and seeing Gabriel’s pin.

This episode pretty much confirms that he is a sentimonster (no, i do not believe adrien is ❤️ yes, i am in denial❤️). The fucked up part is that, he knows he is a sentimonster! The genuine fear in his eyes when Sentigabe threatens to “make him dissapear” at the snap of his fingers is so well represented. Some other people have pointed out that he has a special admiration for Emilie since she is his creator, and I think that’s another interesting detail. And so, I believe he resembles her. We don’t know much about her, right? But we do know that Adrien had less freedom when she was around, even if he viewed her as the bette, more loving parent. Here’s the thing tho, Emilie was an actress, so she tricked her son into thinking she was loving and that she genuinely wanted what was best for him. It was easy for her to make Gabeshit look bad bc he’s very upfront with his emotions. She was two-faced, just like Felix.

Each sentimonster is the product of an emotion, an intense sentiment(hahahha get it). Well, Emilie was cunning. And what was she doing with the miraculous in the first place? Well for one, rich families need heirs, and maybe her sister wasn’t able to have a child of her own. And maybe the Agreste’s needed allies. So since Adrien was Emilie’s perfect son who they planned on shaping him however they wanted, it would take some time before he joined them. Emilie might have found a window with Amelie’s infertility, so she used her deceitfulness to create her sister an heir and her an ally. This might be a bit of a stretch, but we don’t know much about Emilie, and she could have even kept her husband in the dark. She might have known of the consequences of using the miraculous just so all the blame could fall on gabeshit.

Now, with the whole Gabrie-using-Felix thing I mentioned earlier. Felix definitely has the ring with the amok in it, therefore he has a will of his own, and a strong one, kind of like Chloé—they both resisted an akumatization. See the similarities? They have strong emotions that shadowshit can bring on his side in order to make new allies. He needs Felix’s brains, and for that he needs to get ahold of the ring with the amok. And how will he do that? By revealing his secret. So, he plants the fake miraculouses, knowing Felix will come looking for them, and when he catches his nephew in the act, he reveals everything: emilie, the grimoire, his identity.

That is why i think Gabriel Agreste is the best episode this season (i’d say of all of miraculous, but Style queen pt 1 and 2 are right there and those are incredible). It plants the seeds for the conclusion of the Shadowmoth arc. To me, this was one of the best written episodes of the series, laying the ground for so much, and giving us gabenath crumbs, felix the sentimonster, the secret society and more depth to the whole agreste plot line.

Just incredible

#gabriel agreste #nathalie sancoeur #adrien agreste #felix graham de vanily #mlb season 4 #miraculous lb #i watched this episode twice in a row so i can write this and I absolutely loved the experience each time #miraculos ladybug

[yanderecandystore]

breaths Poly Among Us AU. Reader is a wizard in training or Royalty. Buddy is the horse/familiar. Red is a knight in armor and Black and Gremlin (the mini imposter) are the dragons. I'm lowkey trying to find escape as my class judge my final work. - Cold Anon

:( Awn boo, I hope you do well on it!

I can't lie this is the weirdest concept that I have heard off and I'm living for it lol- It's so creative boo, thank you so much for requesting it!

Idk which should I pick tho! Both ideas are great (wizard or royalty) but I'm afraid that if I mix it, it won't be as nice ;-;

Eh, fuck it, I think I can do all of them boo-

TW/Tags: it's one of those multiple scenarios in one headcanon cause I couldn't choose ;-; // I never watched Harry Potter fully but I know some memes, sorry- // should I call this among us?? We're kinda in a really different realm and I really like the idea but what should I categorize this post as? // Among Us Au //

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

You're a wizard, [y/n] [Yandere!Among Us AU? x Reader - Headcanon]:

🎇 Let me set the stage for a quick sec!🎇

So, because this is a Among Us Au I think it would be unfair to not add some of the elements present in the game and my headcanons, just so it doesn't lose the original feeling but also adds a new gimmick to it.

I think it goes without saying that we aren't stuck in a spaceship floating around aimlessly in space as our station tries their best to get us back anymore. Your story passes in a classic medieval town, a capital city surrounded by large walls protecting the citizens from the outside world that is filled with all types of different creatures looking forward to destroying the entire city whenever they can.

You would be surprised how many of them do try to destroy everyone constantly, so that's why it's important for everyone to be inside and never ever let the gates open, even if accidentally. There is no room for errors considering the huge beasts that try to come here constantly!

But what if a betrayal happens inside the castle? What if someone with the authority to do so, allow a creature of demise inside the town's walls? Well, that's exactly what happened, Red, a "loyal" knight of the royal family has let in a powerful dragon infiltrate and use their magic to disguise themselves as humans.

Did he do it because of love for the scaly beast? Because of revenge towards the royal family and/or the entire human race? It could be both, honestly.

Red had managed to get both father and son inside your city and although they were fine for the time being (ya know, not wanting to destroy everything JUST yet-), they got enchanted with unexpected feelings towards you, and there are many, many ways this story can go.

I hope you don't mind being stalked by a traitor and a dragon, and a dragon child-

→👑Royal Reader🌷:

Basically: It's obvious how this would go, right? I mean- It's a pretty classic plot don't you think? The dragon and the prince/princess?

It's obvious that kidnapping you would be the way to go, considering they see reality as their own perfect fairy tale that they can erase everything they don't want to be part of the story. It's such a classic cliche plot, yet they believe to be very effective.

But maybe they can wait a little, since it wouldn't be wise to simply take you away right now, considering there are guards everywhere outside your room, and starting a war without a proper plan wouldn't be wise.

They may content themselves with the distant view they get of you for now, although they would prefer it if that horse you love so much wasn't always near you, thankfully he can't be inside the castle's walls, but since you spend a lot of time in the field riding him it does make their job a lot harder.

→🧙Wizard Reader✨:

Let's say you're an outcast. Not necessarily hated, just a bit different and usually left alone since you are a master at the fine arts of magic. You're eccentric by nature, and so people tend to leave you be and take care of your work alone.

The royal family calls for your guidance rarely, normally when they consider the situation to be involving concepts that are foreign to them, like spells and curses.

I imagine you would be called to be aware of the intruder inside the kingdom. No one knows what it is exactly and who it is, who they could be disguising as- So the king asked you to investigate the case closely and hopefully be able to deal with whatever creature may be hidden amongst the castle's staff members.

They at first considered you to be somewhat of a burden, they did consider killing you multiple times especially whenever you almost caught them being suspicious.

That damned familiar of yours keeps trying to show you the clues they left, and they can't stand the idea of having to break up because of some "know-it-all Wizard"!

But… They can't lie that you are pretty attractive, being all smart and all. Before they can actually go in for the kill, they start to get really attracted to your wisdom and oddities.

When you discover what type of creature has entered the kingdom, you would immediately warn the king to not only be alert but to prepare his soldiers to war, considering that a shapeshifting dragon would be no easy task to handle- But it would be a shame if you didn't make it to the king in time, wouldn't it?

→🧙Royal Wizard Reader👑:

In a kingdom filled with wizards and spellcasters, you can imagine that it would be much harder to take them down than a normal human kingdom where most people are commoners living their daily lives trying to not worry about the monsters trying to destroy them.

Being the child of a powerful lineage of wizards should have prepared you for the probability of an infiltration happening at any time, bit- Come on, who wants to be scared everyday that someone will try to betray your kingdom in the first place?

You have been trained and properly taught all your life about spells and magic, and the dangers of the outside to such a strict manner that made you crave some sort of freedom. All of these rules and lessons day by day doesn't make you feel more powerful, it makes you feel weak! It makes you feel unhappy considering the state that the world outside the kingdom's walls is in.

Is absolutely terrifying, yet you would rather joke about it and live a carefree lifestyle than let that fear overcome you- And besides!! Maybe not all monsters are like that, right?! They can't be!

You can't believe that all monsters are creatures of pure evil and nothing more, you couldn't help but doubt the teachings of your tutors ever since you were young, to the point you feel curious enough to try and get to know a monster personally.

Your wish for understanding the creatures outside the kingdom is an admirable thing, yet that naive curiosity will only bring you bad things.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

#yandere #sheep stuff #sheep's stuff #yandere x reader #yandere headcanons #yandere headcanon #yandere among us headcanon #yandere among us x reader #yandere among us #yandere among us au #special delivery headcanons #special delivery request #yandere dragon

[orbitariums]

𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐦 | 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 | 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 (𝟒)

part three

note - i wanna thank everyone for reading once again! i'm currently in the process of writing imagines, those will be posted throughout the week, i don't want to clog up my blog bc i want y'all to see this chapter!

this one switches pov a lil more frequently, so bear with me <3 also not as smutty as other chapters, this is more of an emotionally-charged chapter!!! still a teensy bit smutty thooo. i want to make it clear that while this fic is definitely rooted in smut & sex & sex work, it is not porn without plot & will not ONLY be smut as i put effort and time into plot development / character development! i'm sure y'all know that tho. there will be conflict, there will be plot!!! i feel like that's clear already but there's discourse on smut happening rn and i wanna voice myself! omg anyways luv y'all enjoy the reaaad <3

new taglist!

playlist

word count - 8.3k

warnings - age gap, sex work, smut, vibrator, ANGSTYYY like hella dramatic, dirty talk

That slight shift that you and Steve both felt, that happiness that you realized came from talking to one another, only lasted so long... for you. You could hardly sit in your feelings about your situation with Steve before another thing that occupied all your time came crashing down upon you. Except this time, the thing brought you no such happiness or curiosity.

    You had spent almost your entire senior year working on a special lab project about drought tolerant plants in Southern California where you lived and went to school, and your professor was making completing your project incredibly hard for you. And you felt incredibly stressed out about the entire situation - not only was the project necessary to graduate, but it was your heart and soul for the past year. Now, your professor was basically saying it was "ineligible."

     "Ineligible?" Aaliyah repeated after you, after you told her what your professor had said.

     "Whatever the hell that means," you huffed as you power walked down the street, hand in hand with Aaliyah, your free hand holding a coffee.

     "That's so fucking annoying, holy shit," Aaliyah pressed a hand to her forehead. "He had the whole year to talk to you about changing your topic and...”

     "And he never did," you sighed, frowning. You settled down onto a bench where the two of you sat next to each other, staring out into the busy streets and sipping your iced coffees.

California was a beautiful place, and you were a native, you'd lived there all your life. You knew the ins and outs of your city, knew Southern California like it was your backbone. And you loved it here - loved the sun, the beaches, the way the people were either shady in the best way or incredibly friendly. You'd never really known any other place like you knew this place. You were just glad that if you had to be stressed, you could do so in California.

Aaliyah pouted, feeling for you. She placed her hand on your knee to be comforting,

     "Babe..."

     "It's okay," you sighed. You sucked it up, like always, because you had learned how to fend for yourself ever since you realized that depending on others could only lead to downfall. You would figure this out the same way you figured everything else out... on your own. You figured out your house on your own, your job, your finances.

     "Is it, though?" Aaliyah pursed her lips and squinted at you. Despite how much you tried to fend for yourself, Aaliyah was always there for you. She was one of your biggest supporters.

     "I'll just keep visiting during his office hours and work this out."

Aaliyah rolled her eyes,

     "Men are so annoying, girl. You know what, he probably wants to fuck you. With your fine ass. That's why he's doing all this."

You chuckled, shaking your head and covering your mouth, trilling back in response,

       "Okay girl, don't get too ahead of yourself."

       "I'm serious! Men are evil. Oh, except your fave."

You made a face, nearly choking on your iced coffee. This was news to you,

       "Who are we talking about?"

       "You know," Aaliyah sang slightly, nudging you and leaning against your shoulder. "Mr. Won't Show His Face."

You scoffed, rolling your eyes, but bit down on your straw with a knowing smile, eyes peeking out over the top of your shades. If you were being honest, this idea of Steve, whoever he really was, had been a fun thing to entertain during this period of stress. You'd been talking and engaging with him for two and a half weeks now, and the connection you two had was undeniable.

But you knew better - maybe he wasn't just another customer, because you could really talk to him and felt like he was real - then again, he was strictly a customer. You liked him, a lot, but you couldn't like him any more than you already did. That would be dangerous and silly, and create unrealistic expectations. It wasn't like you could go on dates or anything.

    Still, talking to him (and performing for him) did help to distract you from your stress, at least for a small amount of time. Steve was becoming less shy, less inhibited. He cracked jokes and was starting to keep up with your innate sense of sexuality, starting to navigate you, find you the way a bee might find its nectar, hidden deep inside the curvatures of a flower.

If you were a flower, you'd probably be a sunflower - bright, yellow, almost always in a positive mood, or at least trying to keep yourself in a positive mood. More than that though, sunflowers were tall and looming - you felt like that represented your put togetherness and how hard you worked, how smart you were. Only sometimes it was hard to keep yourself up and tall, but you always did it, time and time again.

But when it came to Aaliyah's comments about Steve, she mostly just made you laugh.

    "Haven't seen him yet, have you?" Aaliyah asked, raising her brows expectantly.

     "No. And I'm fine with that. He's simply another very loyal customer who I happen to like."

     "Hm," Aaliyah hummed, and you could tell her mind was up to something - some very wishful, and mischievous thinking.

     "What are you up to?" you narrowed your eyes at her and glared at her, and she just shook her head with a lazy smile,

     "Nothing. Just thinking that maybe it would be cool if he really was this really hot guy that you actually knew and he wasn't creepy and y'all... you know... started dating. Just to get your mind off a lot of crap. I know, I know, strictly against the rules, blah blah blah. No feelings for customers, it's basic shit. But in a perfect world..."

      "I know," you sighed without thinking, sipping at your drink.

     "You know?" Aaliyah questioned, surprised.

You shrugged,

     "So I've thought about it. Except, you know, in a perfect world, I'd meet a guy like Steve in like, a farmer's market or something. Not on my shady ass cam shows."

Aaliyah snorted laughing, and at the sound of her laughter, you joined in.

You continued,

     "I mean, not Steve exactly, because that would be weird. I just mean, a guy like Steve."

     "You mean a guy who makes you feel the same way he makes you feel," Aaliyah corrected you, and you glared at her again, pushing her gently.

     "Don't push it," you teased, but you meant it - you might have liked Steve, but that was all there was to it - you liked him, he was a distraction. And maybe even that was too much.

✺ ✺ ✺

As for Steve, he thoroughly enjoyed his time with you. He thought constantly about how you made him feel, how much he looked forward to talking to you. How everyday, his worry about your situation becoming more serious dissipated slowly. He could feel himself easing into you, everything that made up this character you created called Moonrose. Conversation seemed casual, like you knew each other in real life, it felt easy, and there was no pressure.

As for your connection, he had finally acknowledged that it was real, and more than either of you had wanted to realize at first. But now, there was no shame, no worry in acknowledging what the two of you had, because you were both smart enough to keep it at this level. It was like a shallow pool. There would be no drowning.

He mostly talked to Bucky about you when it came to the emotional aspect of it. He still feared that if he talked to Tony, it might come across as an issue, and might put a pause on what he had with you. But everyone noticed how different Steve was acting. Even without the phase he had gone through where he was sexually frustrated and angry, he still acted different.

Lighter on his feet, more smiley. And he was always on top of his work. You weren't distracting him from his duty, so that made the fact that he knew you had a unique connection with him more bearable. Because of you, he was learning to worry less. To have a little more fun.

    It was a bright day that week, the sun filtering in through the large windows of the meeting room where everyone was gathered. Steve was engaging in some mindless conversation with Sam and Bucky in which they were debating whether or not pineapple belonged on pizza.

     "No. I'm not sure why everyone keeps trying to put all these twists on pizza. It's pizza," Bucky scoffed, Sam rolling his eyes as a result.

    "You're just closed off. With your old ass," Sam retorted, and Steve made a face. Sam raised his hands up in surrender. "You know what I mean. What about you Steve?"

Honestly, Steve had never even tried pineapple on pizza and he didn't understand why there was such a big fuss about the banal question.

    "I don't really have an opinion," he shrugged, not expecting Sam and Bucky to start clamoring over him and trying to force him to pick a side.

    Before he even got to grasp the situation, he felt Natasha patting his shoulder,

"Hey, mind if I use your laptop? Mine's gone haywire, don't really feel like messing with it right now."

"Yeah," Steve agreed without a second thought, setting his laptop on the table and letting Natasha handle it- she was better with tech stuff than he ever was.

Natasha would use his laptop to showcase some data and start off their morning. It seemed innocent enough —a simple, barely impacting sacrifice. But Steve clearly hadn't thought everything through, because the moment Natasha logged in and hooked up Steve's computer to the holographic projector, more than just data appeared on the screen.

In fact, a whole array of women, all of them engaging in various sexual acts or preparing themselves to, showed up on the screen. And at the top, where the browser was, were the words "girlsonfilm.com."

Steve hadn't noticed all the clamor, too busy thinking (thoughts of you and thoughts of work), until Bucky called it to his attention.

"Steve," he nudged him frantically, his voice a loud whisper.

When Steve looked up at the screen, his face couldn't have gone any redder. He hadn't thought about this at all, and he had clearly forgotten to close out his browser. His heart sunk all the way to his stomach - because it wasn't just Natasha seeing this, it was everybody. And that included Tony, who was glaring pointedly at Steve from the head of the table. Meanwhile, all the others were too busy heckling Natasha and making brash comments about what was appearing onscreen. To Steve's relief, your face didn't show up, but this just might have been worse than only your screen appearing.

     "Woah, Nat, I didn't know you got down like that!" Sam hooted, cupping his mouth with his hands.

Natasha, though she was in shock as well, rolled her eyes,

     "This is Steve's laptop."

Now a hush, then another clamor of confusion and heckling, all directed towards Steve. He couldn't recoil any more, feeling the pangs of embarrassment as his eyes flashed between every one of his teammates. He felt as if there were an asteroid approaching fast, and he was right where it would land, too slow to move out of its way.

     "Steve, what do you know about 'girls on film'?" Sam nearly cackled, reading the name of the site.

Steve sighed deeply, locking eyes with Natasha as he mouthed "turn it off" to her.

     "I am, I am," she ensured him, quickly disconnecting the laptop from the projection, unplugging completely.

A beat passed, everyone staring expectantly at Steve, who was staring down at the table, trying to process his own thoughts. Like for starters, why didn't he log out the last time, and why didn't he remember to log out? And then his mind went to deeper places. He hadn't been intentionally secretive with his actions, but he had been intentionally private. It had to do with his own growth, he was learning how to navigate a world that was new to him and somehow helping him at once. He didn't want to have to share this with everyone, it was nice having this to himself, he had no intentions of revealing what he had been doing in his past time that made him so happy.

One of the reasons he didn't want everyone to know about his situation was because he didn't want to have to be concerned with what everyone else might think. Because to begin with, being on a site for cam shows wasn't exactly everyone's idea of what Captain America might be up to these days.

It was a matter of his image, what values he was supposed to hold. This didn't exactly match, and Steve had just gotten over the idea that he was a bad, sneaky person because of what he chose to indulge in. At least here he knew it was ethical and not causing harm to you as a human being.

He also didn't want to have to deal with the insufferable questioning and teasing his team would put him through, or the judgment he thought they might put him through. He felt embarrassed, exposed, and like he had been ill prepared for a situation like this. He was just grateful they hadn't seen more, because that would've been a disaster. What they had seen was only at the surface level of what he'd been doing.

But his thinking was interrupted by Tony's voice, which broke through all the silence, and made Steve realize again the eyes that were on him.

     "Well, jig's up," Tony sighed, leaning back in his chair. "Care to explain?"

Steve locked eyes with Tony, as if hopeful that he wouldn't have to, but he knew it was best for him to just spit it out. Tony shrugged apologetically, and Steve took in a deep sigh, looking around at everyone at the table.

     "What was that?" Scott whimpered, probably the most distraught by what they had all seen.

Steve nodded solemnly and began to explain himself. He would tell the truth, but that didn't mean he had to tell them everything. You would be left out of this, if anything. He'd just explain to them that sometimes, duty calls - and sometimes, it's not at all work-related.

✺ ✺ ✺

It was just hours before your cam show when another disaster struck, the first one being the fact that your professor was giving you shit about your project. You were in the bathroom, getting ready for your show, fixing your hair up and doing your makeup, laying out an outfit, doing all the things you did to feel pretty before a show.

    Your phone lay beside you on the bathroom table, pinging with messages every now and then. You ignored it, leaning closer into the mirror to get a look at your lipstick, dabbing your fingers into the pigment on your lips.

You smiled, feeling that gratifying sense of achievement. Despite what was going on with your professor, you felt like you were doing well in life. You usually had a positive mindset, enjoyed your work although you sometimes felt as if you were buried deep in all your occupations: student, office worker, cam girl, designer, young woman. Your life was never dull, and you wouldn't trade it for anything. Talking to Steve helped too, but it was more than that.

But that sense of satisfaction all seemed to dissolve when you looked down at your phone, and saw a text from an unsaved number, glaring bright on your glowing lock screen of you hiking with Aaliyah. Still, you recognized it immediately.

xxx-xxx-xxxx

I miss you. Text me back.

✺ ✺ ✺

Steve wasn't exactly keen on joining your live show today, but he did so anyway, because he still had time to himself despite the spiral of events that had happened earlier. There was nothing else to do, and he didn't want to miss out on you after attending almost all of your shows for the past almost three weeks. Didn't want to just leave unexpectedly.

It felt strange that he felt this tug of commitment, but he brushed it off. He was just fulfilling his needs, which should even be expected of him. He was stressed again, after being caught up like he was. And maybe that was all the more reason not to watch your show tonight, but he wouldn't devoid himself of the simple pleasures of life. He'd learned that lesson a while ago, from a special someone called Moonrose.

After everything transpired, he explained himself calmly to his team, slowly to ensure that they'd understand that this wasn't the beginning of a deviant phase, that he wasn't throwing away his work responsibilities to lurk on the NSFW side of the internet. Not that they ever thought that to begin with, they never questioned his abilities or his authority for a minute, not even in the midst of what they'd seen that had shocked them.

This was the product of Steve's own insecurities and his admittedly silly fear that he was somehow letting his team down. He told them that he was on the site, as recommended by Tony, to relieve some "frustration" that he felt he didn't have the time or the means to release in real life. He said that while it had helped him do that, he wasn't throwing away his responsibilities, nor was he dependent on the site or the things on it, or the people on it for that matter.

He knew that if they knew about you, all those private sessions, all those conversations you'd had, the connection you had built between the two of you, it might be a different story. But because they didn't, they appreciated his honesty. They were confused, it didn't seem like the kind of thing Steve would be into, and he ensured them that it was a shock to him as well.

But they didn't mind on the whole, it was just a shock to everyone at first. They didn't think it called for a meeting, thought it was almost humorous how serious Steve was being about such a trivial situation. Wanda had joked about how we've all been there, Thor denied ever having to do such a thing because: "I have all the romantic partners anyone could ask for. I could introduce you Steve, but these Asgardian women are fiery, far beyond anything I believe you could handle." In the end, Steve was relieved, felt like it didn't have the disastrous outcome he'd been expected.

But he could feel his guard slowly coming back up. That was a close call, and it was a little too close for comfort. He didn't want to disregard you, but he couldn't afford to sink further in, and get his team involved. He just didn't want to face the consequences he could imagine if they knew how much he decided to stick with you, how much you talked, how it was teetering off the range of normal customer to cam girl interaction.

It wasn't like he was careless when it came to his interactions with you, but he also didn't want his team to know about his business when it came to you. He didn't want them thinking he was engaging too much, didn't want it to get to the point where he was worrying again or felt like he needed to deny himself such wonderful feelings.

All these things were on his mind while he waited for your live show to start. When it did, and he saw your face, he felt a little bit alleviated. Just for now, he could have this fantasy to himself. If they knew about the site, so be it. At least he had you to himself.

      "Hey guys," you mustered a smile, waving to the camera.

Unbeknownst to your viewers, you had spent the past few hours off camera panicking, on the verge of tears, calling Aaliyah frantically so she could help calm you down. That text from that mysterious unknown number had been from your ex's number. The same ex who made you fall into dependency patterns that you worked so hard to get out of, the one who made you feel like you had to work for his love. Like it wasn't something you deserved, just like anyone else.

You had worked so hard to finally wring out all the effects of him, all the bad habits you had fallen into because of him. That was part of the reason why you worked so hard. Not because you were actively avoiding him specifically, but because you were actively bettering yourself. You weren't looking for a relationship. But you knew that if you were in one now, the same things would never happen to you.

When you got that text, it triggered a flood of memories. Feelings you had to work to suppress and actually get over for months so you wouldn't fall back into the same desperate, needy patterns when it came to your relationships with people. All over a simple text from someone you hadn't heard from in almost a year. It hurt you how easy it was to get you to crack, even if you didn't spill out all the way. But on top of the added stress because of school, you were damn close.

You would do the show tonight, anyway. It helped you to escape, although Moonrose was a part of you, it didn't one hundred translate into real life. So in a way, this helped you escape real life. Just for a while. Just like Steve.

You grinned when you saw concerned comments from your watchers:

johnGuy182

Are you okay, moonrose? You seem a little sad.

zenongirl

Girl r u ok? i missed seeing your face!!!

     "Guys, I'm okay," you grinned. And you actually felt better seeing comments from your supporters. It reminded you to cheer up - they were looking for a good show, not a sob story. You leaned back, revealing your stomach in the sheer, sparkly fringed bra you chose to wear (another piece you had designed by yourself). "It's been a looong day."

Steve watched silently, observing your behavior. He didn't notice drastic changes, but you did appear less chipper. Then again, he brushed it off. He didn't expect you to be smiley all the time, you were human too, and this was your work.

"But I'm okay," you reassured, giving that signature grin, genuine and charming and alluring. You were trying to gently distract yourself, get into your act. "I hope you're all just as lovely as I am. I have a special game for you today."

You directed your viewers to your spinning wheel, which you had been working on crafting that week for a game. You grinned as you spinned it. Each act on the wheel cost a certain amount of tokens, and by the end of the game you would garner a bunch of funds. The show went by relatively quickly as you played the game, eventually ending up completely naked.

As ordered by the spinning wheel, you were to use a vibrator. You held it against your clit at the highest setting as you watched the numbers of viewers and the tokens jump up, Steve watching as he stroked himself leisurely. Your legs shook as you restrained yourself from your orgasm so as to increase the length of your showtime, garner more coins to encourage you to come.

     "Mm," you moaned, massaging the vibrator against your clit, getting wetter and slicker by the minute, sliding the toy between your folds. You laughed, breathless. "Fuck, this thing is so powerful. Someone make me come, please make me come. Just a few more tokens for me to come for you."

Steve was hesitant, but he decided to go ahead and give you the amount of tokens you needed. And when you heard the chime of the tokens being added to your account, and saw the name it was attached to, it was like a blast of euphoria. When your legs started to shake, when you started to moan and your stomach started to rise up and down, it was genuine. It was like you were back in a private room with him, although you weren't.

Your orgasm was blood-curdling in the best way, and you felt like you were releasing part of the stress of the past day, the past week. It didn't get any realer than this, once again you felt like he was really there to satisfy you.

      "Oh!" you exclaimed, your mouth dropping open and your blood flowing, moaning. "Yes, Steve, I'm coming for you. Thank you for making me come, Steve!"

Steve had been stroking himself along with you as he watched, and only let himself come now that you had come, his cheeks heating up as he heard you moan his name, something he hadn't been expected. Something about you saying his name like that where everyone could hear, even though he enjoyed the intimacy of private rooms, felt victorious. It felt lewd, salacious, but he couldn't help but enjoy that aspect of it. He moaned through grit teeth while he came, stroking himself to completion.

You came down, thanking everyone for attending and ending the show. But it wasn't long after that you had requested Steve for a private chat. He accepted, because he had gotten used to you doing this a little more frequently. It didn't scare him any more, he just thought of it as making conversation, taking advantage of this connection you had with each other. So when you requested, who was he to say no.

When the chat log opened, you put on your best happy face for Steve, trying to conceal how fatigued this week, today in particular, had made you. But your tired, bleak voice gave it all away, buried deep beneath your smile,

    "Hey, Steve."

Steve was surprised at the sound of your voice. Again, while he understood that you wouldn't be a happy go lucky fairy like personality all the time, he wasn't expecting this. You were smiling, but the weariness in your eyes was hard to miss. And your voice, which usually told light hearted tales, sounded worn down as if from tragedy. He was concerned, his eyebrows furrowed gently,

     "Hi. How are you?"

     "I'm good!" you exclaimed, trying your hardest to really sound "good."

But you were just tired. Tired and sad, and scared - scared of what the future had to hold. You were already dealing with school stress, and the text from your ex-boyfriend was like a bad omen, an anxiety-provoking assurance that things actually would not get better and they would in fact get progressively worse. You weren't even sure why you thought you should be talking to Steve if you were tired and just wanted to sleep off the weight of the week. It would be a weekend tomorrow, and one of your very rare days off.

Maybe you figured that you wanted to talk to him despite your fatigue, because conversation with Steve was a nice distraction. You had let yourself forget that this was still your job, and that you were too tired for anything sexual — you knew he liked talking to you, but you hadn't put into consideration the fact that he might request a sexual act from you. You would be burnt out if he did. The fact that you didn't think about that should've been telling, but your brain was too scattered to think straight.

Anyway, Steve called your bluff, and laughed quietly, his voice inquiring and pressing,

      "How are you really?"

That was all it took to get a deep sigh to come from out of you, all it took to allow yourself to show your true feelings, at least the surface of them, what you felt comfortable showing a customer. You felt a sense of relief and gratefulness for Steve, like he was letting you breathe. And if anything, he especially wasn't enlisted to listen to your problems. But he wanted to, and for that you felt foolishly grateful.

    Steve noted the deep sigh that came from out of you, and he frowned slightly. He could tell you had been holding this in for a while, and some part of him felt remorse for the fact that even though you clearly weren't in the right mindset, you went on and did your show anyway. He felt some guilt for being a part of the reason why you did your show.

    You answered, allowing your voice to be as honest as possible.

    "Honestly?" you chuckled a little, albeit bitterly. "I don't know if you really want to hear me rant to you."

Steve shook his head.

    "Don't be silly," he grinned. "I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to."

You felt a warm rush in your chest from the reassurance, and the corner of your lip quirked up in a small smile, before you decided to dive in. You'd spare the emotional details, spare your private life. But it would be nice to talk to someone, just about the general things, right?

    "Well, it's been a pretty stressful week, honestly. I mean, school's been the main source of my stress. My professor's such an asshole, he's basically been telling me my entire senior project, which I need to complete to graduate, needs to be redone? And I can't even fathom how I would have enough time to do that with like, two and a half months left of my senior year. I mean, he said I can keep most details, but I'd have to rework it, whatever that means."

    You kept your emotions at bay, sighing in annoyance just at the story you told, because it really was irritating you. But then you felt deeper things, even more went into why you really were upset.

    Steve nodded, just listening. He was prepared to offer advice, but in your situation, he thought that maybe just letting you rant would be best.

    "That's gotta be annoying," he shook his head understandingly. "Whatever your project is, I'm sure it's wonderful. He shouldn't be forcing you to rework it or make any last minute changes."

    "I know!" you nearly jumped up, feeling amped up now. "And it's just so fucking annoying because I work so hard and I'm really passionate about this project and it just feels like..."

    It felt like you were about to overflow, like a pot of water that had been left on for too long. You were ranting almost uncontrollably now, maybe because of the fact that it was more than this that was tugging at you. Because you'd been carrying the weight of your life on your shoulders all the time, like Atlas carrying the sky, and it felt like that weight was finally starting to mean something.

    Steve could see you were unraveling and he let you, he let you take the time you needed to feel everything you had been holding. If your connection was strong, it was at its strongest here. Sure, you and Steve chatted about a little bit of everything, even had deeper conversations here and there as the weeks went by. But you had yet to genuinely complain to him, because every time you spoke with him, you were happy go lucky Moonrose, with nothing to complain about to begin with. But now, you needed a release by any means, and you were just glad Steve was there for you, even if he wasn't really there. How unlike you to unfold in front of strangers.

   Your breath stuttered as you took in a deep breath in a failed attempt to calm down, only further driving yourself into your rambling. You felt yourself tear up, your voice becoming watery as you continued,

    "It just feels like all my work is turning to shit, and it's so fucking frustrating because I work so hard all the time, I do so much and I manage so much all the time."

     The "hard work" you were talking about wasn't just school and work-related, it pertained to your journey, and how hard you had worked to be a better person. To support yourself. The emotions pent up inside of you, they were more than just being upset over a school project. The idea of someone toxic trying to re-enter your life, someone who had forced you to rework the entirety of your life, made you feel like you were on the verge of crashing. You knew better, but you didn't want to return to those dark days, where the light at the end of the winding tunnel that was your relationship seemed so far away. It was why you were so weary of relationships today. It was crazy how one person could change your life so easily.

     Now you were crying, before you even noticed that you were crying. Tears just seemed to leak out of your eyes, sloshing wet and sudden against your cheeks and underneath your lashes. You wiped them away quickly with the back of your hand, frazzled at the fact that you were crying in front of a customer right now. Steve said he'd listen to you, he didn't say he'd watch you cry and be your therapist. You instantly regretted it, although you couldn't stop yourself, tears threatening to emerge again. If you were cracked before, you were spilling now.

    Steve was surprised too, at the fact that you were crying. You appeared so put together to him, it was almost something he didn't expect from you. He was in shock at first, so much so that professionalism was not on his mind - it was an afterthought. Right now, instead of wondering if this was appropriate, he was occupied with you.

    "I'm sorry," you murmured, but you still hadn't stopped, tears falling out as you blinked. Composure was nothing now, you were sobbing, your shoulders slumped and your head hung as you sniffled. Still you enforced control, wiping away every tear that fell with the back of your hand. "I'm really sorry, I don't mean to cry to you over this, that's so-"

Steve cut you off, shaking his head slowly,

    "It's okay to cry, doll. We all have those days. I know better than anyone that we all have those days."

    You mustered a smile, feeling cared for, feeling accounted for by someone who wasn't even obligated to have to see you like this. Still you shook your head, sniffling,

    "I know. But it's-it's stupid, I shouldn't be crying in front of you."

    "I'm not judging you," Steve said, so nonchalantly and firmly, so genuine that it almost scared you.

You blinked. He should've cared, and he should've judged you. To cry in front of Steve, a customer, was to imply he had some duty to comfort you when he probably just wanted a show. You knew that you didn't have to do anything you didn't want to, but even you had rules when it came to what your customers got to see, and to you, that meant they didn't have to deal with your blues.

     "Really?"

     "Really," he reassured you with a nod.

    Was Steve scared that by giving you this reassurance, this entire situation could become deeper than either of you could handle? Yes. But did he let himself shut down because of those pervasive thoughts that he might get himself into trouble? No. He didn't see you as a liability right now. Right now, even though the situation was certainly questionable (and this was something he had no doubt about. When emotions get into the mix, things could get tricky- he knew this), he saw you as someone who desperately needed someone to talk to. Maybe it wasn't smart of you to make him that someone, but regardless, he was, and who was Steve Rogers not to listen to a person in need?

    You blinked away the last of your tears and swallowed hard. You were making this choice consciously, to tell Steve what had really gotten you to your breaking point. And maybe telling him meant you had trust in him, maybe too much trust for someone who, while great, was still a customer. But you felt like there was nothing you could lose from telling him. Maybe you'd even feel better after the fact.

    You looked down, picking at the body glitter on your arm that you had applied before the show. Your voice was considerably quieter now perhaps because you were looking back on the moment with a clear mind for the first time since it happened. You hadn't been thinking straight ever since you received the text just hours ago. Now your brain was a little quieter with the help of your tears and Steve's reassurance.

       "I think that the stress of this school project is making me resent how hard I work for everything, just to be met with this kind of result, you know? And it's even worse when... things seem to be going backwards. You know, like when you make so much progress, moving on from things that don't serve you, and you've finally done it and you get to flourish in it and then, it just gets taken away from you. Maybe I'm being dramatic, but that's just how this feels."

     Steve nodded, his jaw ticking as he let your words settle in. Somehow, although your situation was so different from his, he felt like your words perfectly described how he felt with the world sometimes. It was even part of the reason he'd held off on talking to you like this, held off on getting too involved. He too had made so much progress in this world, which took so much getting adjusted to in a way that absolutely nobody else could relate to.

    It was a world that he didn't even know, a world that he had never been properly introduced to. He'd had to fend for himself. He did his healing on his own, just like you had. And yet sometimes it felt like he had no control, like the universe was going the opposite way of all his plans. Then he felt stupid for even having plans to begin with, because in life, making plans was like comedy for the gods.

    There was a weird feeling in his chest and stomach, like he'd been stabbed with a gutting realization, and the knife was just turning inside of him, churning his insides. He began to feel a sense of unease, because this deep conversation was beginning to feel incredibly personal. Even though you were talking about your own situation, he couldn't help but think about how much he resonated, and the fact that he felt like he could relate to you on such a deep level scared him. This was more than the conversations you'd had before, more than the simple similarities you and Steve shared. This felt like a conversation that might be too telling for his good and your own.

     He swallowed his words as he listened to you continue. You chose your words carefully, but you had shed yourself of your inhibitions when it came to being truthful.

     "Earlier... I heard from someone I hadn't heard from in a long time. And it kind of pushed me over the edge," out of your mouth stumbled a laugh. You were calmer now, and looked up at the camera, Steve swallowing hard when you did so. It was all so real, just like it was when you touched yourself and moaned Steve's name. "I think it just made me feel all those things I just explained. Because I feel like I worked so hard to rid myself of this person and them trying to come back just feels like all the things I worked so hard on are going to unravel. Even though I know they aren't, it feels like a setback. And that was like, the icing on the cake to this already terrible day, I guess."

      You let out a breathy laugh and smiled gently, shaking your head slowly.

     "I normally wouldn't be telling this to a customer. But here we are. Again, I'm sorry... I feel like I shouldn't have said anything? Should I... have said anything?"

In the brief silence that followed your question,  both you and Steve were thinking the same thing - were you going to regret this? Intimacy both physically and emotionally was good when you capped it at what you both knew to be appropriate. When it came to the physical aspects, you each let your fantasies unwind.

    And on the emotional aspect, though you had both grown closer and more open, some things just didn't get touched upon. But now you had just cried over the screen, and spoke from the depths of your heart. It was scary to open up in such an uncertain situation where your own privacy was an aspect that got involved. There was no doubt that it was too much. It was just a question of whether the result would be negative.

     Steve sighed deeply, a crease forming in his forehead as he furrowed his brows together, folding his arms over his chest.

     "I don't know..." he trailed off, took a breath, a leap, his body practically lurching forward. "But... it can't be a bad thing that you feel comfortable talking to me about this, can it?"

      And there it was, that glint of hope he was trying his hardest to conceal. That feeling he got when he got off that call with you, the one where you both started giving into those unspoken thoughts. That this couldn't be so bad, that you could enjoy each other's company without worrying.  

     You smiled gently,

    "I guess. It does feel weird though, it's not something I normally do. It feels like something I shouldn't be doing."

    You could hear Steve breathing in deeply, and for a moment, you imagined what he might look like, envisioning the outline of a troubled face, eyebrows knit together. You snapped back to reality and made a face, confused by your abrupt thoughts. You had long gotten over the very brief desire to see Steve's face- why was it coming back again?

    "I'll be honest, same here," Steve agreed with your sentiments.

    "Do you always feel like you have to restrain what you say when you talk to people? Or is it just with me?" you added that last part in a quiet voice, biting your lip.

Steve chuckled briefly,

      "Are you asking me if I have trust issues? Because I'd tell you, but I'd have to trust you to do that."

You shook your head and laughed at Steve's stupid joke, and shrugged.

     "I could say the same thing, I think. This person I heard from earlier is... I developed those trust issues because of them. Or, my already existent trust issues became worse. But what's funny about it is that this person was once someone that I loved," even as the words were coming out you questioned why you were letting them, why you were allowing yourself to be so truthful in a situation like this at a time when you were so vulnerable.

      Steve didn't reply, again feeling that sick feeling in his stomach that stemmed from his fear. The fear that this conversation were too serious, fear surrounding the fact that he was able to relate so much to such a personal situation of yours.

    You spoke again, daring to ask the question that felt like a final blow to Steve's stomach,

    "Have you ever been in love, Steve?"

Now Steve knew he was in uncharted territory. Not because he feared you might try to exploit him, but because he was so struck by the fact that he had allowed himself to feel so safe with you and get so close to you. He was surprised at himself for letting you feel safe enough to have these kinds of conversations with him. It all felt like a mistake now. He wanted a way out, any way out. He knew if he even attempted to answer that question, he would be making a big mistake. He had shared some of his most intimate moments with you, but always keeping in mind a very sharp line he didn't want to be crossed.

And in his mind, he thought of the one love he'd had, the one love that hadn't been fulfilled because of the situation he had been thrown into, one he had never signed up for. He thought of how the things he cared most for in life had been discarded, how, like you, he felt like it had gone to shit. How sometimes, though he tried his best to be grateful and had taken that journey of self-healing just like you, it all felt like some sick joke.

Could he even call it love? He wasn't sure. And he wasn't going to answer. He wasn't going to answer at all, because he wouldn't be talking to you again. There would be no chance for this dilemma to resurface, not with you, not on this site. He made the decision with haste and a heavy heart - he was done here.

      The discomfort was well evident in his voice, answering loud and clear, though his voice was morose and a bit closed off. You sensed the shift immediately.

     "I... I can't talk about that right now. Listen, I have to go."

    You felt a pang in your chest at the sudden switch in his demeanor, straightening up and trying not to frown. All this time you had been letting the words spill out, telling yourself not to worry so much, reassuring yourself it was okay to make your feelings known. Now it felt like you should've never said anything at all. You started to stammer.

      "Oh, I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry, I was just... I feel like I got a little overwhelmed." You laughed nervously. "I didn't mean to scare you."

Steve felt his throat ran dry as he blinked, feeling emotions come up to surface that he wasn't quite familiar with. Maybe he was grieving in advance, regretting the decision he was making to no longer speak with you, regretting the fact that he was letting fear get in the way of what he wanted so badly to be a good thing.

    "No, I'm sorry. I feel like I let things go too far," Steve apologized, but the apology felt more like an insult.

Was he implying that whatever this was, you couldn't handle it, and that it was his fault for somehow leading you on? You had both made the connection with each other, it was an equal effort. And why was he acting like the two of you communicating at all was somehow below him, somehow a risk? If anything, you were the one risking it just by talking to him the way you did. You were opening up to him. 

     You almost felt betrayed - you had convinced yourself that he wouldn't want to listen to your problems and you told yourself it wasn't his responsibility to listen. And then he listened anyway, told you that he wanted to hear it, and you cried to him. You felt like you had made so many unusual accommodations just for him to scare off like this. He was just another person you had expressed your feelings to, only to regret it in the end.

    "Too far?" you questioned, furrowing your brows.

Steve swallowed. In your voice he could hear a hint of frustration, but even worse- hurt. It pained him more than he cared for you to know.

    "I don't think we should talk anymore," he said instead.

    "What?" you were taken by surprise. "Steve, I'm... I'm not understanding. I... I don't usually open up to people like this, I mean, I thought maybe it was fine here, because I feel like I know you. But you're still a stranger. I understand you're a customer but I thought we were talking, I thought we broke through that wall-"

    "We did. And we shouldn't have," Steve said, his voice so calm and firm that it was almost cold.

    By now you were just staring into the computer camera, as if you were looking at him and waiting for him to come to his senses. But as you did that, you slowly came to your own. Because you weren't looking at him. You were looking at a black screen with his voice behind it. You realized you hadn't known Steve, not enough to talk about these things. And just like him, you too were full of regret. You kept all those walls up for the sake of customer relations, only to put them down and be met with this disastrous result.

    Steve almost couldn't bare to look at your face anymore. You were confused, hurt. He could tell you regretted the fact that you had opened up. He was hurt too, but he wouldn't show it, or let it overcome him to the point where your methods of communication with each other became something neither of you could control. Still, yes, he was hurt.

    But he had been through plenty of hardships in life. What was one more, even if it shouldn't have come to this point anyway?

    "I'm sorry, Moonrose. We can't. Goodbye."

Chat over.

#steve rogers #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers reader insert #reader insert #smut #captain america civil war #captain america x reader #captain america imagine #captain america smut #captain america #girls on film #marvel #marvel imagine #marvel smut #marvel reader insert #steve rogers series #captain america series

[vaguely-concerned]

The Mandalorian s2 ep1 Reactions Post That’s right I’m BACK

and none of you not even god himself can stop me from rambling about space cowboy dad and tiny green baby stuff for much longer than any sane person should 

the TL;DR is that I still love this show SO MUCH, beware a bunch of spoilers under the cut!

- costume design wise I LOVE how badly the armour fits Cobb Vanth

 especially when you get shots with him and Din side by side for contrast:

It’s not just that it’s clearly not made for him (it seems he’s a lot lankier and more wiry than Boba is), he simply doesn’t know how to wear it, and he doesn’t know how to take care of it, because he doesn’t know what it means. Remember when Din’s breastplate got bent completely out of shape by the mudhorn and he had it repaired to the best of his ability long before they even finished with the ship? That’s why he looks so grounded and natural in it and Vanth has sort of a clumsy Spiderman-in-his-first-home-made-costume air about him. (also Boba’s helmet has a beautiful heft and solidity to it in this, they make all the beskar have a Feel and weight to it, makes it feel important)  

I like that Vanth is taller than Din; everything that drives home that Din’s strength doesn’t come from being naturally physically imposing or impressive is a joy to me 

- Boba’s armour seems to be confirmed to be real beskar, which gives me so much hope that they’re doing something actually nuanced and interesting with Boba and Jango’s cultural identities as Mandalorians (whether they do consider themselves that or not, for example), unlike George Lucas’ inexplicable yet unbending stance of ‘They aren’t and never were lol get fucked Fetts’  

the way the triumphant heroic part of the mando music sputtered and died when the man himself showed up tho... uh-oh this might be bad news 

man but that’s a stunning and surprising way to introduce a well-known character divorced from what makes them so iconic, though, just from that I’m going to trust they know what they’re doing (AND they got temuera morrison back I’m so EXCITED!!!). without the armor there’s the face of someone who shared that face with literal millions and at the same time must be looking older than his father ever got to at this point, and that’s super interesting as a starting point to me. (I... guess there’s still a chance it’s a fakeout and that it’s actually another clone, but that would be such a letdown when they’ve already given us this haha) 

- an excellent [mando sighs] moment

this opening scene did a great job of re-summarizing him for the audience -- establishing again that he gives you one chance at dealing with him fairly and if you insist on continuing to be an asshole about it, you’re toast, the fact that his fighting style is so much about being able to tank blows rather than not getting hit in the first place, the horror movie monster mando setup as he stalked the dude down and strung him up, the Poetic Justice predicated on some very careful word choices, and most importantly “where I go, he goes”... all wonderful, I’m sure I’ll watch this scene back for fine details and better looks at the background characters many many times 

(word seems to have spread about him and the baby for real now, which makes me VERY nervous btw)

- Pulserifle’s back! Jetpack’s back! Razor Crest’s back! Grappling line’s back! PELLI’S BACK!!!!!! Tattooine... is also back *Finn voice* Why does everyone want to go back to Tattooine????

I really enjoyed the way they fleshed out and (for lack of a better word) humanized the sand people, though, if you are going back to this desert hellplanet again that is a worthy reason to do it 

- Din swearing :O!! and one of the less egregious star wars swears too, I’m fine with this

- in campaign star wars news: I guess there was sort of both a binbon and a jubna in this ep! what a time to be alive

- as usual I love the jawa. a bright spot in any day, just a bunch of lil goblin-y friends hanging out having the best time loving sparkly crystals and rescuing silver foxes.  

get in loser we’re going shopping

-  

I uh. Do you think. Hm. Is there maybe a metaphor here somewhere. Is there perhaps a hidden, one may say double, meaning, at play, right here, in this image? Who can say, it’s just niggling at me (there’s a very similar set of shots with Toro in season 1, but seemingly the show went ‘I fear we might have gone too subtle with it, let’s amp it up this time’ over the season break loool)

honestly though this dynamic really highlighted everything I love about the ways Din performs masculinity. It’s so much softer and more community/collaboration focused and more comfortable to be around than Vanth’s version -- and Vanth isn’t a bad dude by any stretch of the imagination, it’s not hard to see why he’s like that considering where he’s from, he’s just such a... man. The lone person who can protect this village! The only man who’s got what it takes! It’s all on his shoulders and no one else’s, so do exactly as he says or he’ll put a hole in you! (I think it’s telling that one of his first comments to Din is ‘I’m sure you call the shots wherever you’re from, but ‘round here, I’m the person who tell folks what to do’, because as we as the audience knows, Din very much does not call the shots of where he’s from lol) I guess it says some nice things about the tribe of Mandos Din is from that this is how he approaches things, and it says some good things about Vanth how quickly he comes around to this smarter and less confrontational/domineering style of doing things once he’s been exposed to it and sees how it works. it’s just neat

(it’s smart of Favreau to set his ~*lone gunslinger*~ character up like this, too, it makes him so much more interesting and versatile)   

- With the way Din says ‘a Mandalorian Armorer sent me on my path’ it does seem confirmed that’s the equivalent of a priest role or a sort of shaman -- I wonder if he knows the name of ‘The’ Armorer or if they take on the role as a whole identity 

- the sheer contrast between the two people who wanted Din to take his helmet off for them in this ep tho... wants Mando’s armour off for horrible awful reasons and got exactly what he deserved:

wants Mando’s armour off for entirely sympathetic and understandable, just culturally uninformed, thirsty thirsty reasons & also having drinks together:

 (the sort of... little lick over his bottom lip he does there? keep it in your pants vanth my GODjflsadf he’s a good dude tho he understands and respects the ‘no armour removal before marriage’ thing and backs down gracefully)

- This is a nuanced thing: I don’t think I actually ship it (not in a requited way from Din’s side, anyway, Vanth I’m 100% sure about lol), but the incredible potential for out-of-context-taking of “Take it off, or I will”/”...we doin’ this in front of the kid?” is uh astounding  

(anyone got the vibe Vanth sort of had something with the bartender too? no just me? well well)

- I was never really scared Din was actually dead or hurt b/c baby wasn’t scared and I figure he’d know lol, a very useful fear barometer 

- “What’s the plan?” “Take care of the child” “What are you gonna do?” “I don’t know, but wish me luck *yeets his new bro out of harm’s way before diving in head first himself*” fksdjhfkjlashdfkjsldahfkasldjhfskldajhfsadkjfh WHAT a summation of Din’s entire approach to battle & life, dad please you carry a not insignificant part of my heart around with you be careful 

(Also with the heavy implication that Boba was watching the whole thing... can you imagine him just looking on as Din throws himself down that gullet like a madman. There must have been some ‘o_-7 *headscratch headscratch* ???’ going on for him there)

it’s kind of sweet that din trusts vanth will take care of the baby if something happens though, they really bonded quickly huh 

- the sand people who kept willingly going over to the krayt dragon’s cave are honestly braver and more admirable than anyone else has ever been, I kept just shouting in anguish as they were gobbled up, they deserved better 

- can we talk about how clear it still is that Din’s just... lonely. When he thinks he’s found another Mando and he sounds almost reverent with relief... and then it gets odder and odder (’uh... drinks? I guess... does he have drinking straws with him or -- HE’S TAKING THE HELMET OFF???’ oh buddy)

I wonder if they’re building towards something about him realizing it doesn’t have to be Mandos for him to trust and bond with people longer term? Basically all the characters he’s met and we’ve watched him form attachments to and get help from are non-Mandos -- Kuiil :’^(, Cara, Omera, Cobb Vanth, IG-11 :^’’(, Greef Karga to a degree. Establishing so firmly what he’s looking for this early would be good setup for a ‘what a character thinks they want vs. what they need’ thing later on just on a writing level, anyway, Boba Fett could bring in some interesting points of view about Mandalorianness too   

- baby’s happy gurgles when he sees pelli!!!!!! din speaking sand people language and petting alligator doggies!!!!!!

- pedro pascal’s voice work remains an utter joy to me. din’s measured, earnest, occasionally slightly stilted way of talking is still so good, and then he does things like inserting some more... idk life is the wrong word but that more charged and dynamic tone he took on when he said (”I thought you weren’t a gambler”) “I’m not”. *chef kiss*

- if the pulse rifle’s stun is able to do that to a fuckn krayt dragon... that’s some serious shit din is carrying around with him lol (interestingly the actual shooty pew-pew part of it didn’t seem to do much to it, but then I guess he was shocking it from the inside out and not through thick hide, so idk)

- my only real complaints about this ep: Vanth’s backstory ran a bit long, and not enough baby & dad interaction. the concept art’s got me tho: 

 (din often wears his original/old armour in concept art still, incidentally, don’t know what that’s about)

awwwwwww

+ omfg ;______;

- this sand people person conscientiously brushing a bantha’s teeth... blessed

- Customary flame thrower report: there was a rare useful deployment of the flamethrower. Good job Mando’s flame thrower for furthering the field of diplomacy

ETA: I CAN’T BELIEVE I FORGOT TO MENTION THIS: DIN BEING COMFORTABLE(ISH) AROUND DROIDS NOW!!!! GROWTH????!?! IG-11 WE MISS YOU??????????

#the mandalorian #the mandalorian spoilers #star wars #the mandalorian meta #meta #(I'm trying to label my meta more specifically these days b/c the general meta tag is a MESS on my blog lol) #mmmmmmmm feels good to break out the overanalysis goggles again it's time to OVERTHINK SOME SHIT my friends

[thebaddie96-blog]

Once In A Life Time

~Chapter 5~

“ He can’t think I’m wearing that”

“What? I think it's cute. He knows you well; red is definitely your color.”  

“I personally think she would look good in anything.”  

“Of course you would.” So-eun whispers under her breath.

Yesterday was filled with nothing but greatness. After my victory beer in the park I met up with So-eun and Min-oh for lunch to fill them in on the big news, not that they had any doubts in my abilities. They too had invitations to the black tie gala.  Z met up with us later at a pool house near my air bnb. So-eun to say the least was not a fan of Z from jump. The first moment she met her, her face immediately went cold. Z, who I've come to learn a lot about in the 20 hours I’ve known her, is childhood best friends with Jay’s little sister and a recent college graduate. She's a psychology major per her parents request with a passion for photography. She says she's working for Jay till she can make a name for herself and travel the world snapping pictures. 

We were currently sitting in my living room studying the dress Jay picked out for me. It was beautiful, gorgeous but I'd be lying if I said I didn’t think Jay was tryna show me off.   

“You're sure this is the dress, you didn’t pick up the wrong one?” I ask Z.

“Honey, when you walk into a boutique that houses dresses like this, and say you're here to pick up for Jay Park, you don’t get it wrong.”

“It pains me to say, but I agree”

“Well thank you, to the both of you, and Jay I guess. I’ve got the contract over here, let me get it to you before you go.” I grab the contract and walk her to the door.

“We’ll send a car to pick you up around 7. Will there be others traveling with you?” She trails off peeking behind me.

“Haha yeah So-eun and Min-oh will both be with me. You should ride with us.”

“I don’t think So-eun would like that very much.”

“Don’t worry about her, she's just grumpy and old.”

“Ok, well I’ll see you tonight.”

Shutting the door I walk back in to see So-eun scanning a magazine.

“Really So-eun?”

“What?” She doesn’t even look up from the magazine. I roll my eyes sitting next to her on the couch

“You know what. Why are you so mean to Z?”

“I don’t know what you're talking about. I have nothing against her”  

“Ok sure and what about last night.”

“What about it?”

“I’m serious So-eun, you wouldn’t let her get a word in, in any conversation we had. Not to mention your intense pool energy whenever she went up to pot a hole.”

“Ok, so I get a little competitive.”

“What about just now ‘Of course you would’, it ‘pains’ you to agree with her.” 

“I was joking.” Deflection from the real problem.

“Don’t you think that after all these years I would know when you're joking or when you're being hostile?”

“Stop gilling me, I don’t have a problem with Z.”

“Mmhmm well she’s coming with us to the event tonight.” She shoots me a tight smile obviously fake. 

“Great. Enough about me and your suspicions. How are you feeling, really?”

“Honestly, it all feels so surreal. None of it has sunk in yet. I mean I just got off a plane 5 days ago, I'm out here for a completely different project I just-- I just don’t wanna fuck it up you know.

“You’ve always done your best when you follow your heart. Don’t let the fear of chasing your dreams stop them from coming true because of self doubt. You are one of the most talented people I know; next to Min-oh, and if anyone deserves this opportunity it you 100%”

“Thanks So-eun.”

I pull her in for a hug. as we pull away she notices a small piece of paper on the coffee table.

“What's this?” she asked as she picked it up.

“Oh it's the business card of the guy I met when I first got in. Mr. Yo? I think his name was.”

“Yu? Christan Yu? Christan Yu was the fuckboy who splashed you with his car?”

“Well I don’t think he meant to.” 

“Did you call him yet?”

“No, why would I?”

“He gave you his card. He obviously wants you to.”

“ No he doesn't, his driver gave it to me.”

“ He gave it to you, told his driver to give it to you, it's the same thing. No?”

“Absolutely not, and it's been damn near a week, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t remember who I am or the situation that happened.”

“How could he not? Imma call the number.”

“What? So-eun no stop.” 

She quickly punches in the number, throwing the phone at me after she presses speaker. It rings 3 times before a deep voice answers.”

“Hello?”

I just sit there staring at the phone. 

Say something. So-eun mouths.

Like what.

I don’t know anything.

“안요?” He asked again but in Korean.

I hesitate, rushing out a quick “Sorry wrong number.” then hanging up.

“Smooth babe smooth.”

“Shut up. No one told you to do that.”

“I was just tryna help you out. You could get some good Korean Dick while you're in town. And knowing your sex drive we will need to find someone soon.”

“ I have traveled in preparation thank you very much. And how would you know if his dick game was good?” She looks at me surprised then guilty. “Oh my god. Did you sleep with Christian?”

“Let's get ready for the Gala. We only have six hours till the event starts and if you're still the same girl from college it's gonna take you forever to get ready. What time are we supposed to be leaving?”

“Oh this is great. Does Min-oh know?” She’s stuck in it and she knows it.

“No, it was before we started dating.”

“Oh this is great.” I get up heading to the bathroom.

“Where are you going?”

“ To shower.”

“You won't tell Min-oh right?” I just continue walking to the bathroom whistling a tune “Right B?!?!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This dress was tight as fuck, my feet hurt, everyone who's anyone in South Korea is here, and oh, I’m the only one in a bright red dress. The fact that I don’t like big events like this isn’t helping my mood. I need to smoke ASAP. Lucky for me I smuggled a blunt in my bra at the airport. I just have to find the right time to sneak out. I scan the room from the corner I was standing in near the stage. A perfect view of everyone in the event but still hidden in the shadows.

When we arrived Jay swooped me away from So-eun, Min-oh, and Z. We spent almost an hour working the room. He introduced me to some of the label's top artists, producers, and stylists. Even some artists from H1GHER music. Don't get me wrong, it's been fun getting to know the people I'm gonna get to work with but this is all new experiences that I'm just gonna have to get used to.

"So here is where you're hiding" So-eun sneaks up next to me leaning on the wall.

"Ha, yeah I just need a break. So Many 'hellos' 'nice to meet you' and 'the pleasure is mine'. Did Min-oh talk to his guy?"

"Yeah we can pick up after the Gala."

"Ugh, ok I'm gonna head outside for some air."

"So you sneak away, leaving me to deal with Loopy and Nafla's drunk asses on my own. And you--" Min-oh turns to me, shaking his finger. " Why are you in a corner in the dark all alone?" 

He was clearly tipsy, he gets a little clingy and bossy when he's under the influence.

" You guys were only talking to each other. What was I post to do, stand there like a deer in the headlights?"

"Yeah and I was just going to get some air, I'll leave you two to talk. Where is Z."

" With her people." "With the AOMG guys'' They both said at the same time. I shoot So-eun a look for her comment and start to walk off.

" Ok, cool. I'll be right back."

Heading off toward the exit, I clutch my bag housing my soon to be smoked blunt. I'm close. I can see the exit in the clear, bodies start dividing, allowing me to pass. I've got one hand on the door ready to open. At the same time I push, the door is swung open and I come stumbling out colliding with the feeling of soft velvet against a firm chest. 

"Sorry I didn't know someone was on the other side." That voice. 

I look up, stepping back. It's him, the guy from the airport, I mean Christian Yu, and he was looking good. Fashionably late but fashionable he was. He was wearing a slim fit crimson velvet blazer jacket with silk black slacks and crimson velvet loafers to match, his hair was styled back making his jaw line pop. I stood there just staring at him.

" Are you ok?" No realization is present in his voice. He doesn't remember me. I mean I was covered in street water, but this is the second time we've had a forced interaction and I'd be lying if I say it didn't hurt my ego a bit.

" Yeah, sorry I was in a bit of a rush. Thanks for breaking my fall tho’ I don't think this dress would have survived." He scans my body taking in the silhouette of my dress lingering a little longer than need be. "Excuse me." 

I step to the left, walking past him and heading out the door. Yeah, that blunt will be nice right about now.

#fanfic #BWAM #amnw #aomg #once #in #a #life #time

[macklives]

alright, im actually kind of in the mood to unpack some stuff regarding karkat's character and the way alternia works actually, so i dont mind giving this a go. and while act 5 isnt completely finished yet (so this is an analysis post for act 5 up until page 2305), there is still more to explore, and im pretty sure i have a lot more to read regarding both karkat AND alternia. until then, i will give a general layout as to what i know so far and how i can expand this in a psychological way (especially considering i did my psych exam so my mind is FRESH from studying)

alright, starting with what seems to be the deal with the hemospectrum, theres a total of 12 blood colors. HOWEVER, one of those blood colors is a "mutant" blood which is unwanted in troll culture as it is, well, "mutant", meaning whoever has this blood will get brutally slaughtered. hurrayyy. im guessing it is even lower than aradia's rust blood, as she is allowed to live but is the lowest on the hierarchy triangle. meaning karkats blood is not even ON the hierarchy triangle and simply buried underground where they hope he stays. so its not exactly pleasant to be living in a society where everyone is trying to KILL you or at least keep you away from everything.

from what i remember, troll reproduction is a vital aspect in their culture, that everyone is forced to mate and drones will come by each house to collect the genetic material. this is mandatory apparently, and if someone were to object, they will be “culled" as quickly as they could say no. alternia seems to be really keen on the whole "blood and carnage" thing, which means their probable solution to anybody breaking the law, is to kill them on sight and just leave them there to rot - regardless of who they are and what families they comes from or have. trolls are free to kill whenever or whoever they please without any governmental repercussions. which means revenge upon revenge happens without any policy.

however this is very important when looking at karkat, because karkat may not be able to do the whole reproduction process (not that we necessarily want him to, im saying this in terms of how its mandatory for every troll and there will be a time when the drones WILL come for karkat). but as he is already a mutant and if they were to "collect" from him, they would find out his blood regardless of how he hides it. they will either cull him for saying no, or cull him for his blood. karkat, in this sense, is doomed regardless. which makes his character much more interesting.

and keep in mind alternia kind of sucks, because from the looks of it, trolls are constantly tested throughout their lives to prove themselves to society that they are allowed to live and survive. but ONLY if they are the strongest among them. alternia wants to become this fearful planet where the weak die off and only those proven worthy can stay to grow up and slaughter more of their kind until the world is nothing but blood thirsty strong murderers. im not too sure who is governing alternia but they can suck a dick if they think this is how good morals work. alternia only really has one way to solve things which is to kill those who question/fight back, OR to kill those who CANNOT fight back essentially. which puts all the trolls through a double edged sword where they cannot do anything but follow the guidelines given to them by troll's society and government, and try to survive as much as they can until then.

if i remember correctly, when it comes to the law side of things. if you look at it from terezi's introduction where she explains prosecutions with her plushies (lemonsnout ect ect i forgot the term for them lol), she said "you are guilty until proven innocent" which is the polar opposite of "innocent until proven guilty” used in OUR own society today (tho i guess we are by far the "good guys" in this situation, but we are far different than how trolls live their lives). anyways, what this means is that everyone dies regardless unless theres literal proof that they have not done the crime. even so i wouldnt put it past them to do nothing about their case even WITH proof. terezi even goes to say that technically there is no way to deal with the law on alternia, and most of crimes get solved through death. she even demonstrates this by how easily she hung the "suspect" and flipped a coin to determine his fate. however, even with the coin landing on the side of safety, where the suspect were to be released, she said "im blind remember i cannot see this coin" and essentially "killed" him. while terezi may have just been playing with her plushies, theres something we can take from this which dictates how their actual court cases are actually solved.

NOW, vriska (yes ik pls bare with me here, i will not make it about vriska but i do have a point here), from the last few pages i saw, can basically kill her friends in an instant, without any remorse. i can tell she sees this as the most "necessary" solution for her problems. i wouldnt say its for survival, but she does do it as a way to provide some sort of safety on alternia. she is a higher blood, and apparently the high bloods are known to kill whoever they please as long as its convenient. and since trolls have this whole fad of "killing the ones who cause you trouble so the problem is out of the way", she is wired to think its the only solution when threatened or when you dislike a person. 

god, she killed aradia because she wanted "revenge", because she wanted to get back at aradia for tormenting her with ghosts EVEN IF aradia did so because she threw tavros off a cliff in the first place. this may have worsened their friendship, KEEP IN MIND THEY WERE FRIENDS, but NEITHER, and i mean neither terezi/vriska/aradia, had any remorse if the other dies as long as there was a reason. in the story, vriska didnt care what happened to tavros because she disliked him, therefore becoming pretty bias over his fate. because of this attempt at killing, aradia didnt care what happened to vriska either, and neither did terezi. terezi sold her out to one of the most powerful beings on their planet, solely because of their revenge cycle. as long as the troll in question did something "malicious”, then that plays a factor in their morals. vriska gave no second thought to killing both of her friends (or at least attempt to with tavros), terezi also tormented john in act 4 which led to his “doomed timeline death” and sold vriska out after she realized vriska wouldnt change. so no fucking WONDER karkat tries to hide who he is, he's overly cautious to not let it slip out because even the people he calls friends could backstab him at any given time considering theres LITERAL EXAMPLES OF THESE TROLLS HAVING DONE SO.

to karkat, he sees this as dangerous, which is why he even CALLS vriska dangerous to begin with. she might not even hesitate to kill him herself or maybe sell him out to the drones, because 1. she may not want to be a witness to something society actively seeks to destroy and 2. she cares more for her survival than karkats. EVEN if they were friends (re: aradia and vriska and terezi). so it just shows. 

on that note, i find it funny how karkat indirectly distracted vriska after she baited him with the question of his blood in a past conversation, which prompted karkat to monologue about troll romance. he was, yes, VERY interested in this topic to start with, but it was a nice little bonus for karkat as to not be found out by the one person who would most likely kill him even if it wasnt on purpose. however, we do not know how this will play out IF she does find out, we just know karkat is in the right to be scared of the theory.

and, alright i do have to mention this, while karkat may have been an angry fucker to START with, who spites the world and throws out insults every chance he gets, i feel he does this as more of a survival instinct as well. he doesnt care what he says to people no matter what they rank on the hemospectrum. they dont know his blood color so he feels he has some sort of immunity, but he just needs to keep it hidden. it also may just be his personality, as he IS a character who was given specific traits and andrew went along with it without so much thinking about plot. yet if you look at this from more of the metaphorical route, think about it with uhhhh lets say the perspective of how dogs work. for example, when you put a chihuahua next to a doberman, a doberman is more of an excited, energetic dog whereas a chihuahua will rain hell down on anybody who so goes near them. sometimes this is to make up for their size, to seem as menacing as the larger doberman, as they have nothing else to fend themselves with. another way to look at it is, if you see a bear (i forget if its black/brown or grizzly) you make yourself seem like the bigger person by scaring it off with sounds and eventually it will leave you alone. these sort of tactics work in the sense of survival. this is sort of what karkat could be doing, he uses insults and a defensive shouting to not really "hide" himself, but to have some sort of way as to not be found out if people start to question. someone asks him "hey karkat whats your blood" he goes "FUCK YOU, FUCK OFF, END OF STORY" which could make a person go "yo sorry dude forget i ever asked". so this could be a factor as to why he is so crabby, however on the other hand, he is crabby because that is also his character. andrew probably thought yo cancer = crab = crabby. however i do like how he is perceived and the whole "mutant blood" really made me do a double take on how he views life himself. he has to always hide who he is or he will get physically killed. alternia would take joy in finding out he does not belong there because lets face it, alternia is a bitch of a planet.

this also brought me to ask the question, why does karkat want to be a leader if hes so scared of what would happen to him if he were to be found out? which then, at first i said lol this is just karkat, he wants to a leader because he just wants to be the leader, he likes when things go to plan and that he the most say in their sburb plans considering he thinks everyone else is a "dumbass". to which, i then thought about it more and went ouch what if hes a leader because he knows hes not valued enough in society, that he somehow wants to feel some sort of importance in the world, so he wants to become a leader. i imagine younger karkat, not knowing why his blood is so undermined, finding out he is not wanted and suddenly on the most wanted list without having even DONE anything. even TAVROS said he was on that list, but only because he was weak and had no back-bone, here karkat may have been strong but no matter what, he was to be culled BECAUSE of his blood. something he cannot change no matter what. imagine a little kid knowing he will die at any point because of who he is (rlly sounds familiar if you think about it). so of course, he hides himself from the world, but do you think for an instant, little angry karkat wants to simply be FORGOTTEN about? i doubt that, he wants to be heard, he doesnt necessarily want to be rejected as he knows he will be, so while he does hide his blood, he wants to have a voice no matter what. when being a leader, people dont reject you, they LISTEN. they all may not want to because karkat is just a fucking ticking time bomb, who can lash out at any second, but i feel theres now a reason why he has this superiority complex. he wants to sort of become the person he knows he never will become (if you put it into that perspective). so thats kind of why im giving him the benefit of the doubt here.

i would also like to point out a sort of.... comparison?? not with the dogs but with unwanted children in a family household. this doesnt necessarily apply to karkat, but sub in family household with society and it might as well. (on that note, a warning/viewer discretion, if you have any problem with this kind of discussion, i wouldnt read further into this paragraph and skip to the next one) alright, the unwanted child psychology basically deals with the process of a child which is neglected by their parents, and/or know that they were never wanted in the family. i read an article a while back when we were discussing this in a lecture, we were browsing multiple people's perspective on the matter, and one said "An affective relationship may be suffocating to [the unwanted/neglected child]: it’s a defense against intimacy of which they know nothing. Normally they fluctuate between egotism and deep feelings of inferiority. They don’t understand what a balanced and healthy self-esteem looks like." it explains how the child who grows up in an unwanted home admits great emotion deprivation, because the child's bonds of affection are extremely fragile, and this can lead to both egotism and feeling like they are inadequate. and it really strongly shows karkats personality. we havent gotten that much from him in general, but considering how he uses this egotism to cover up the fact that he may be doomed, really shows the similarity. i liked this short article so i want to give some points to take into consideration, specifically this part: "It will be very difficult for unwanted children to build healthy relationships of affection in their adult life. Love is a foreign language to them. They don’t know how to decipher the codes and much less how to build them. It’s very hard for them to need and to be needed. That’s why, more often than not, they completely shirk their conflicts with peers and superiors, or do nothing but generate them. They speak incessantly about the broken relationship that marked their arrival in the world. A person with such a background will need help to get through those abysses of love that live in their heart. The most important step is that they recognize that their discomfort doesn’t depend on who they are, but the circumstances that led to their being." it may not be 100% tru for karkat but theres a small portion of it that can link back to karkats view on life and how being this mutant can really change who he is as a person. and i hope you can see the similarity between karkats character and this form of psychology. yet i also do not fully know the depth of karkat vantas. however i do hope it continues to build up in this way, as it would be both interesting and make us feel more for him as a person.

alright, i think if i write any more i will never stop aghjsk, which is a bit too much for a sunday afternoon, basically to sum up this post, trolls are violent and karkat will be killed if hes found out, even by his friends if it comes down to it. so karkat cannot really trust anybody, hes alone and imagine the thrill he had when he saw jack cut his hand to show the bright red blood? that he finally has someone LIKE HIM. imagine when he finds out about the kids. so i believe in his growth, while he needs to get a better vocabulary, i do get why hes so defensive all the time. because hes both scared and unwanted. and he wants to make up for it.

and i guess with all that being said, you can tell i now have a slight soft spot for the kid lmao

#hs95 #hs95 ask #anon #ask #analysis #i may not have it FULLY understood yet but thats my perspective of karkat vs trolls society

[horde-princess]

A Meta on Catra’s Relationships with DT, Scorpia, and Adora

I’m so excited to write this finally ljsdflkj okay so. I’ve been thinking about why the creators would choose to center a whole season around this new character Double Trouble. They drove the plot and played a major role in a really important part of the story, Catra’s redemption. So I wanna think more about the purpose of this character and go deeper into a couple of their scenes with Catra.

tbh Catra and DT’s very first interaction says it all: DT literally takes the form of Scorpia and tells Catra “I’m about to become your new best friend.” As the season goes on, Double Trouble replaces Scorpia as a sort of artificial confidant for Catra. But it blows up in her face and the purpose of the whole thing is to shed light on Catra’s main internal conflict: her desire for love vs. her fear of heartbreak/vulnerability.

In other words, I believe Double Trouble was introduced as a foil to Scorpia. But if we think about how Scorpia is also a foil to Adora, then that means DT is like... a foil to a foil. So they’re not directly associated with Adora but a lot of what they do relates back to her. Yeah there are a lot of layers here lmao but basically what I’m gonna analyze is how Catra’s relationships with these three characters intertwine and build off each other in season 4 to set the stage for Catra’s redemption (and catradora endgame hollaaa)

So in the beginning, Catra and DT both understand their relationship to be a business arrangement. When does that start to change for Catra, and why?

Catra’s History With Betrayal

Just think about Catra’s relationships at the start of s4.. After the portal, Adora had basically severed whatever was left of their relationship, and that was shown to be weighing on Catra all season. Scorpia and Entrapta were the only other people she cared about, but Entrapta betrayed her (first by monopolizing Hordak’s attention then by refusing to open the portal), then Scorpia dared to question her decision to send their friend to die and her presence became a constant reminder of Catra’s guilt. In fact, the mere mention of Entrapta’s name in 4x03 causes Catra to snap and yell at Scorpia “we are not friends!” ... which of course isn’t true. Catra may think Scorpia’s annoying but she confided in her, her loyalty made Catra feel like she could trust her.. and that’s exactly why Catra always tried so hard to push her away. All the betrayals in her life scarred her so deeply that she wanted to avoid emotional intimacy at all costs. I’m about to get Jungian up in this shit bc we see a deep disconnect between Catra’s outward actions (her conscious) and her inner desires (subconscious) this season and it’s this i believe that leads to her breakdown in 4x10. It’s an unsustainable way to live.

Why Catra Trusted Double Trouble

So by 4x04, Catra had sabotaged her only two relationships. She was utterly alone, and vulnerable, and Double Trouble was in the right place at the right time offering their loyalty to her.. so Catra did what any emotionally stable person would do and subconsciously used a hired mercenary to try and fill the growing void in her heart. I don’t think Catra actually cared about DT much at all, like sure they got along and that matters on some level, but I think it’s more that Catra was in a vulnerable place and DT was the only one around.

So why does Catra trust Double Trouble when she won’t let herself trust anyone else? I’ve seen some posts saying it’s because Catra is self-destructive--i.e. she only seeks love from people who won’t give it to her because she doesn’t believe she deserves love--which is super true.. but I think her motivations can be better explained by saying that Catra knew from the start that Double Trouble didn’t really care about her, and that’s why the partnership was attractive to her (at first). She thought it would be safe--no vulnerability, no risk of heartbreak. But the truth is Catra’s just not as disaffected as she wishes she was.

The moment Catra really let her guard down was when Double Trouble saved her from the collapsing building in 4x04. 

can we just!! talk about this scene!!!! the way her voice shakes when she says “saving me” just, oh my god... like what a touchy subject for her, right? Shes spent her whole life resenting how Adora was always trying to “save” her from everything. I’m not sure but I think White Out (2x05) was the only other time Catra thanked someone for saving her life, and she just says “thanks for getting us out of there.” So her use of the word “save” here is special and it illustrates how deeply vulnerable Catra feels this season, and more importantly it’s a sign of character development! It’s no coincidence that the theme of saving is connected between DT, Scorpia, and Adora. It’s leading up to Catra learning to replace her resentment towards Adora with something closer to gratitude. 

But while the scene connects these relationships, it also highlights their differences. After Catra displays an astounding amount of vulnerability with DT, they coolly reply “well, I live to serve... for a price, of course.”

This right here is the first step of Catra’s breakdown. Suppressed desires making themselves known, one half of her heart rebelling against the other. She was pushing away her real friends and finding hollow companionship with someone she thought she wouldn’t get attached to, but it happened anyway.

The difference between Double Trouble and Scorpia must have become glaringly obvious to Catra in that moment. Whereas Scorpia was loyal to Catra out of love, DT was mostly interested in getting paid. And she was surprised by how much that hurt. She fucking hated how much it hurt, you can see it written all over her face. It’s why she fails Scorpia’s little test in 4x06. Because of Double Trouble, Catra’s true desires were threatening to break free, so outwardly she fights against it and acts more resistant than ever to being friends with Scorpia. She castigates her, calls her annoying and incompetent, harsher than we’ve ever seen... but she didn’t expect Scorpia to hit back (we did, tho. Scorpia’s an icon).

In four words Scorpia teaches Catra a hard lesson about what it means to earn someone’s loyalty. She knew she must’ve really fucked up if she somehow managed to push away the most loyal person in all of Etheria. And again the fake nature of Catra’s relationship with Double Trouble provides a reference for her to see why Scorpia’s loyalty, based in love, was so valuable, and why she shouldn’t have taken it for granted. It also relates to Adora because, similar to Scorpia, Adora had been trying so hard these past 3 seasons to connect with Catra, but she refused to forgive her and her behavior eventually forced Adora to cut ties. So Scorpia calling her out pushes Catra towards accepting some personal responsibility for everything that happened with Adora, too. Man there are just.. a ton of implications here.

Then Catra gives Hordak a fun pep talk but really it’s just her self-projecting all over him:

At this point her hateful actions and her goal to conquer Etheria are extremely out of line with her true desires and we can see it’s really affecting her mental state. It wasn’t just one thing or person that caused her breakdown, it was a combination of Adora severing their relationship, and Scorpia’s disappointment in her, and Double Trouble’s indifference towards her. All three of these situations were playing off each other and chipping away at Catra’s carefully crafted armor, revealing a desire to be loved hidden underneath... which she continued to fight against for as long as she could. Adora and Scorpia were playing their roles in helping Catra learn to take responsibility for her life, but those relationships wouldn’t have been so effective had it not been for how they were contrasted with Double Trouble’s indifference. Anyway have I mentioned how amazing and complex this show is????

Catra Loses DT and Scorpia Around the Same Time

4x07 is the last time Catra talks to Double Trouble before they get captured by the rebels. Coincidentally, Catra realizes that Scorpia left her just one episode later, which once again points to a connection between these two characters. From 4x08 to 4x11 Catra is completely alone, feeling like she has lost everyone in her life. It sets the stage for her meltdown in 4x10. But my fave part about Scorpia leaving is how it changes the way Catra thinks about betrayal. 

Even if Scorpia didn’t tell Catra where she was going in the note she left, Catra had to have assumed she was leaving to join the Rebellion because where else would she have gone right? So the two people Catra loves most have now BOTH abandoned her to join the rebellion. I don’t even wanna think about how triggering that betrayal must have been for Catra.. I don’t wanna think about how the next time Catra sees Scorpia she’s going to be a full blown princess with powers and everything, just like what happened with Adora. 

But there’s a key difference between Adora and Scorpia. Catra knows at this point that Adora didn’t want to leave her behind, but she did anyway to pursue some destiny that Catra wasn’t a part of, which left her feeling betrayed. Scorpia, on the other hand--the very definition of ‘loyalty’--left her specifically because Catra pushed her away. Her fear of vulnerability manifested as anger towards someone she refused to admit that she cared about, and it pushed her away.

Once again I think Scorpia is teaching Catra a lesson about taking responsibility for some of the shit in her life. It’s a privilege that Adora lost after being careless with Catra’s trust, and thus Scorpia was the only one in a position to reach Catra and help her. But I think that the things Catra learned from Scorpia are going to play back into her relationship with Adora and allow them to reconcile (when Adora deals with her own issues too).

We can also say a little about how Double Trouble’s betrayal contrasts with Scorpia’s and Adora’s. I think their complete emotional detachment is the perfect frame of reference for Catra to be able to acknowledge that even though Scorpia and Adora left her, they DID love her, and they never stopped trying to reach out to her--at least, not until Catra crossed a line with both of them. At some point, Catra went from being justified in her feelings of betrayal to overdoing it, placing too much blame where it didn’t belong and closing the door to forgiveness. So I think that’s the role that Double Trouble played there, helping Catra see that difference. Like even if someone leaves you, hurts you, it doesn’t always mean they don’t love you. Relationships take work and understanding and forgiveness and you have to learn how to handle that or you’ll always be alone. Scorpia’s the pure embodiment of that lesson, and she’s lighting the way for Catra to navigate the much more nebulous waters of her grudge against Adora.

Double Trouble’s Betrayal

So now Catra is feeling abandoned by Scorpia and Double Trouble (her only friends) and we see the disconnect between what’s in her heart and the front she’s been putting on come to a head in 4x10 when she has that meltdown. She’s kind of losing it because her fear and heartbreak are driving her down a path that she doesn’t actually want. It’s like watching a car crash in slow motion. In 4x12 she continues to hold on desperately to the idea that beating Adora will make her happy, because at this point she doesn’t see any way to turn the car around.

There’s an absolutely fantastic scene early in 4x12 that sets up Double Trouble’s betrayal beautifully, like really it’s a masterpiece. Catra’s childhood friends walk in on her in the locker room and they’re laughing and joking around and for a second it’s like... Catra longs to be a part of that again.. To have friends, to be happy. But then Kyle accidentally kicks one of Scorpia’s old doodles (a painful reminder that she’s gone) and Catra freaks out and attacks them. Kyle’s like “we used to be friends, why are you treating us like this?” So she lets them leave, feeling alone and miserable, and THAT’S when Double Trouble waltzes in... having had just made a deal with Glimmer to double cross Catra.

God it hurts so much. The contrast between her pushing away Scorpia and her real friends, and then her childlike relief upon seeing the person who just sold her out.

This scene gives me fucking chills with the nightmare-ish music and everything.. It’s like, at this point DT is just fucking with her, they’ve already got Catra figured out. This face touch is so cruel and fits with the show’s motif of manipulative affection, too. For me it felt very disconcerting to see Catra like this... unaware that she’s been defeated yet she’s so emotionally vulnerable here, she’s like putty in Double Trouble’s hands. Scorpia leaving cracked her open and, as they’re the last person left standing with Catra’s trust, Double Trouble’s in the perfect position to come in and break her.

So the next episode 4x13 has that crazy scene where Double Trouble totally obliterates Catra and I’m not even gonna talk about it lmao because yall have already done a great job analyzing it. But I do wanna draw attention to the fact that this is the only thing she says in this whole scene:

Can you believe that’s what mattered the most to her in that moment? Not that literally everything she had been working for for the past 4 seasons had just turned to dust before her eyes, but the fact that this random mercenary she hired betrayed her. And there was no anger at all, just... heartbreak.

And then look at what she says to Glimmer afterwards (setting aside the fact that Catra is basically giving up on life...) she says nothing about the war, nothing about winning or revenge. The only thing she’s thinking about is how lonely she feels.

So by the end of Season 4, I think Catra did finally figure out what she truly wanted in life. She didn’t want to be on top just for power’s sake, she wanted people to respect her, to love her, so that no one could hurt her anymore. But she was so obsessed with winning that she ended up losing everyone’s respect. Wow haha if only she could get a second chance to earn it back the right way.... like say if, idk, she was trapped in space jail and forced to team up with her sworn enemy to survive and they came out best friends or something <:)

To sum up, Double Trouble’s role in Season 4 was to break Catra’s mask and force her to consider what she truly wants. I think their betrayal taught Catra to really appreciate what a terrible mistake she made in pushing Scorpia and Adora away. It taught her the difference between someone leaving her because they don’t care about her, and someone cutting ties with her even though they do care for her very deeply, they just couldn’t take Catra treating them like crap anymore. It showed her that what Adora did was nothing like what DT did. That’s what a betrayal feels like when the person doesn’t care about you. Someone who doesn’t care about you isn’t going to beg for your forgiveness for 3 seasons and risk being obliterated from existence just to get you back.

But the real beauty of season 4 was how Catra hitting rock bottom had almost nothing to do with Adora. With the help of other friends Catra has begun to find her own reasons to change, she’s acknowledging her guilt and heartbreak and discovering the person she wants to become. She’s learning to take responsibility instead of just blaming other people. And this character development had nothing to do with romance, just like how Adora breaking free of her destiny and learning to let go of control had little to do with Catra. I love the different perspectives on love that they give us with Catra, Adora, and Scorpia. I love how this show takes the “love conquers all” trope and subverts it, saying that sometimes.. love breaks you. Sometimes it’s not enough. Sometimes it’s used as a weapon. Sometimes you have to let go of people you love, but it opens up space for you to figure out who you are and what you want and to conquer your own demons. You’ll come out the other side with a better understanding of what real, healthy love is supposed to look like. And maybe in the end, the love you always sought will find you again, in its own time, in its own way. 💘

#OK THIS IS... A LOT. EVEN FOR ME LMAO #she ra #meta #season 4 is my fave so far i just had a lot of feelings to work through ok #would love to hear what yall think xoxo happy new year's!!

[allmycrushesaredead]

So me and a group of friends made mechsonas and I wanted to share mine!

Btw, these are picrews i found, not my own work

Name: 火花 影 (Hibana Kage) 

Nicknames: Sparky 

Gender: FUCK 

Pronouns: Fae/faer 

 Age at mechanization: around 26 

Tol or Smol: Around average height? I'm gonna say about 5'5 ish 

Looks: Pale skin. Glowing eyes that change color depending on faer mood, bright blue, curly hair that's cut short in a bob cut. Faer mechanism is the neck, and there are glowing bloodstains below the area. Fae generally wears all black, close fitting clothes that are easy to move around in. 

Personality: Fae may be on the smaller side, but fae will fight you if you're a threat to faer friends or faerself. Very quiet due to past trauma, doesn’t trust easily.

Backstory: Hibana is from the planet 星の花 (Hoshi no hana), or Flower of the Stars. It abounds in vibrant colors and neon lights. Hibana was a doctor before the cyborgs decided to wreak havoc on faer city. All of faer family was killed and fae was left alone. Still fae continued to work in the streets, trying to help anyone who needed it. This meant that fae helped both sides. Although fae held resentment towards the cyborg gangs, fae wouldn't let that get in the way of faer work. Everything was going relatively well until a gang decided to snatch Hibana and take faer to their headquarters to try and fix up a very hurt leader of the gang. When fae told them fae wouldn't be able to fix the damage done, they slit faer neck, leaving faer for dead. 

Extras: Fae is a polyamorous asexual lesbian :)

I also really pieced together faer story and I’ll post it below the cut! Warning tho, its kinda graphic and traumatizing, but I’m proud of it and wanted to show it off!!

Hibana hates technology. 

When fae was seven, the Dākusutā killed faer mom and dad. The Dākusutā was a notorious gang on Hoshi no hana, with connections in the government and nearly every aspect of society. They mainly worked with cyber threats, but kept up a very intimidating physical presence and weren’t afraid of resorting to violence to get things done. 

Hibana’s parents worked as moles, ratting out the most influential people who worked with the gangs. The few respectable government officials left in power would make sure that they got that person removed from power somehow. 

However, as more and more people connected to the Dākusutā kept getting removed from office, the Dākusutā started to get suspicious. When they started targeting the people responsible for removing officials from power, and more and more officials wound up dead, Hibana’s family started to get worried. They went into hiding, moving from place to place when the Dākusutā got too close. And it worked, at least for a while. But they got complacent. The had eluded discovery for a year and a half, and it started to feel like they never would be found. It had been three months since the last move, and the family had fallen into the happy pattern of a simple life.

By the time they finally caught wind of the Dākusutā’s plans, it was already too late. They were already surrounded. With the Dākusutā banging down the door, they hid Hibana, warning faer not to make a sound and to stay hidden until it was safe to come out. So, fae did. Fae cowered in that cold, dark place, sobbing silently. Fae was forced to listen as faer parents begged the Dākusutā to let them live… Fae listened to them die screaming. And the Dākusutā weren’t merciful. They dragged out every last second, executing Hibana’s parents with sadistic pleasure. It went on for hours. Hours went by as Hibana tried to block out the agonizing screams of faer parents. Fae wasn’t naive either. Fae was young, but had seen enough in faer seven short years to know exactly what was happening to faer parents, and fae knew there was nothing fae could do about it. 

Fae felt so utterly helpless. But, fae did what fae knew fae had some control over. Fae stayed hidden and stayed quiet. After faer parents finally went silent, fae didn’t dare move. Fae knew someone could be staying behind to make sure no one came out of hiding when they thought no one was there. Sure enough, another hour went by before fae heard a pair of footsteps shuffle out the door, leaving the house silent. Still, fae didn’t dare move. Another hour went by before fae dared to leave the safe space, heart pounding and tears streaming silently down faer face. 

 No one was waiting for faer when fae walked into the main room. At least, no one alive. Hibana’s parents were in the living room. What was left of them, rather. Fae stared in shock, shaking violently. But fae couldn’t stay and grieve. It wasn’t safe. Fae just ran, a pair of child-sized bloody footprints trailing behind faer. 

Hibana went to the only place fae could think to go: the library. Libraries were practically unheard of on Hoshi no hana, and the few that did remain were viewed as so archaic that no one ever went. But in the few months fae had been in the area, that had become faer sanctuary. Hidden away in the dusty books, fae could escape for hours, lost in distant lands. Fae could be anything, do anything, know anything. All the information fae could ever want was right at faer fingertips. 

So, it wasn’t a huge surprise when fae found faerself at the steps to the library. Hands shaking, fae pushed the doors open, closing it quietly behind faer. 

Silent footsteps padding through the aisles, fae made faer way to the nest of sorts fae had made for faerself. There were a couple of blankets, pillows, and a battered old stuffed toy that fae had brought faerself, but the majority of it was from the librarian, a middle-aged woman named Karui Kibō who looked much older than she was. She was a kindly, sweet tempered lady who always made sure Hibana had enough things for faer nest and food for when fae stayed there for extended periods of time. But she knew not to disturb faer sanctuary and understood it at a personal level. For several weeks, she merely gave a soft smile that crinkled around her eyes, nodding lightly as Hibana walked in. After a few weeks, she would make some small talk, and after two full months, they would end up talking for hours about their favorite books, favorite places, and dreams for the future. Fae even confided in Karui, revealing that fae wanted to become a doctor. It was practically unheard of that someone would study to become a doctor. They had technology that could do that now, AI that could do the job better than anyone could have before. But Hibana was determined. And so, Karui made sure fae could learn to be a doctor. She started to bring books about medicine that fae could understand, making a stack next to faer nest. 

It was now, as Hibana walked slowly over to faer nest that fae saw the growing mound of books. Normally, fae would have rushed to open one and dive straight into the wonderful information it contained. Instead, fae just curled into faer nest, faer shoes sticky with half-dried blood. Fae stared numbly at the bright clashing colors, their vibrant hues sickening. Fae suddenly wrenched them off, chucking them away from faer with a silent sob. Aside from the crash the shoes made colliding with something in the distance, fae didn’t make a sound. Even when Karui found faer, realized what had happened, and had cleaned faer up, fae didn’t make a sound. Fae changed faer clothes, donning the muted greys and browns of the clothing Karui had made for faer and sat silently, staring blankly into space. It was weeks before Hibana spoke again, and moths before fae could hold a conversation. Fae slowly opened up, falling into the pattern of reading, studying, and spending time with Karui. 

Years went by, and the two only grew closer. It was twelve years later when Karui started to get sick, her age finally catching up with her. She knew her time was coming and she was ready. Unlike most on Hoshi no hana, she didn’t fear death. Rather than placing her life into the hands of technology, being programmed and gaining a sort of immortality through technology, she embraced the inevitability of death.

When her time finally did come, she went peacefully. Hibana grieved, of course, but fae knew Karui was at peace. It was then that Hibana vowed fae would never be immortalized as code, living on as programming. Fae would die one day and finally attain that peace. Until then, fae wanted to help people, to ease their suffering. Fae practiced as a doctor, treating those who couldn’t afford or didn’t trust the AI. Fae finally felt fae had a purpose in life. Fae helped anyone in need… even the very people who killed faer parents. And everything was fine… until it wasn’t. 

A few years after Karui passed, Hibana was approached by a member of Dākusutā who demanded that fae come with them. Leading faer to a secluded area, they showed faer the leader of the Dākusutā, bleeding out and quickly losing a lot of blood. They demanded that fae heal him, pulling out a wickedly sharp knife to threaten faer with. Still, Hibana kept faer cool, hands steady as fae attempted to find the origin of the bleed to get it under control. But fae couldn’t find any wounds. The man bleeding out without a single wound fae could see on his body. Unsure of what to do, fae tried to compress the skin, stop the bleeding. It was impossible. The man’s skin simply oozed blood in any place fae wasn’t compressing, and bled through the bandages when she held them to the skin.

It was then that fae realized fae couldn’t save him. The other gang members must have realized as well, because the person with the knife now pressed the blade to Hibana’s neck, blood beading where the sharp metal pierced the skin. They demanded that fae heal him, or that they would kill faer. Fae tried to explain that there was nothing fae could do, but they just pressed the blade harder. Fae closed faer eyes, vowing fae would die silently. Fae wouldn’t beg for mercy, wouldn’t cry out. Fae was ready. 

When the gang member let out a harsh cry and Hibana felt the blade slit open faer throat, fae felt a small smile pass over faer face. It was time. It felt like the cruelest joke the universe had ever played on anyone when fae was given faer mechanism. Fae never wanted to live, fae was ready to go, and yet was forced to live on, immortal, and trapped. 

 That’s why fae refused to trust faer shipmates. Fae occasionally found faerself caring for the others, only for some minor altercation to happen that shattered faer fragile trust. Fae still cared for the others, but fae sure as hell wasn’t going to suffer for it. So, most days fae hid up in faer quarters, packing the shelves with books and building faer nest, hiding away in comfortable solitude. Fae still helped the others when asked with the tech issues, as fae was probably the most knowledgeable in the area, but fae despised every second of it. 

Fae also hid to not show faer weakness. The smallest things could trigger a panic response, leaving faer frozen in flashbacks, never sure what around faer was real. Simple words or phrases would leave faer grabbing at faer throat, clutching that blasted thing that forced fae to live, nails ripping at it in a pointless attempt to make it all stop. 

But fae never told anyone, so it was easier to just hide in faer nest, safe behind this mask of an uncaring persona. Fae would do anything for faer shipmates, but fae never let faerself get close. It just wasn’t worth the risk.

For reference, the gang is ダークスター (Dākusutā) which roughly translates to dark star and the librarian is 軽い希望 (Karui kibō) that means light of hope,or light hope, but the idea of a light of hope sorta thing

If i remember right, Hibana’s name meant shimmer in darkness.

more info!! 

just so yall know, hibana's natural hair and eye colors are blue, so its not that fae dyes it or somethin, fae doesnt have control over it. basically fae doesnt wear bright colors because it reminds faer of faer planet, but fae cant change the fact that faer hair and eyes are colorful, at least not without putting in tons of effort that fae doesnt want to put in to change it

also since faer veins are faer mechanism, faer blood (or ig what you could consider faer blood) actually shimmers and sorta glows like the mechanism on faer neck. so, theoretically, if fae were to blush, fae would basically glow like blues and purples. theoretically. also theoretically, if you were to look closely at faer in the dark, fae almost shimmers a little bit, but very faintly. the most noticable thing you see in the dark is the fact that faer eyes glow, but very coldly, and if fae makes eye contact with you, you probably wont be very calm, you'll probably start freaking the fuck out. its kinda creepy

#the mechanisms #mechs #mechsona #hibana kage

[dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt]

Not me saying I wasn’t going to post any of my writing and then immediately going back on my word, no sir!! I’m actually really REALLY proud of this tho, so... up it goes. His Dark Materials AU for my OCs!

[For those that don’t know, in the HDM world everybody has something called a dæmon, which is the physical manifestation of their soul in the form of an animal.]

Dusk bruised the sky, ugly purple-black with smoke and the oncoming night. No stars dared to tread above this city. Even the moon hid her face.

Below, the streets were populated only by shadows. It was easy to mistake them for one, hunched as they were on the stairs in a dark suit and with their face hidden behind an even darker sheet of hair. Only the ember at the tip of their cigarette separated them from the night.

Footsteps descended down the stairs behind them. Their owner had his hands tucked into his pockets, refusing to touch the brass rails mottled with grime. A staccato of claws clicked between each step.

“You’re late,” the living shadow said, the memory of a thousand other cigarettes burnt into their throat.

“I wasn’t sure I was going to come at all.”

A ribbon of smoke curled from their lips. “Don’t give me that shit,” they said, disgusted. “You always do. You always will. We both know it.”

“You’re in good spirits tonight,” he responded mildly. His name was Dante, and he regretfully knew the shadow too well to be offended. He hated them less than they deserved. His dæmon stood by his side in the form of a large black dog, the feeble anbaric light of the streetposts settling on her fur and gleaming in her calm eyes.

The shadow had no dæmon to be found.

They merely grunted and rose to their feet. They flicked their cigarette away; it carved a red arch through the air before it winked out on the pavement. They started walking.

Dante exchanged a glance that spoke volumes with his dæmon. But they followed, because he did know. They both did.

The shadow’s name was June, and Dante was their only friend (though, that may be too strong a word.) The reasons for this were immediately obvious, not limited to the miasma of cigarette smoke that seemed woven into their clothes, nor their frankly ugly tongue. Their voice was complicated, interesting, but their face was ordinary; long, with stark bones beneath dark golden-brown skin, an interesting nose and eyes the colour of charcoal. They were also abysmally short, the crown of their head barely reaching Dante’s shoulder. He didn’t mention that.

They barely had to flash their card at the bouncer before he swung the door open for them, his lizard dæmon curled nervously along his forearm. June strode through without a backwards glance. Dante gave him a nod.

It was dim inside the den. The air ought to have been stained red for the stench of copper, sweat and alcohol that clung to every breath; Dante thought he could feel the effects of a pint just from inhaling. The walls were panelled with dark wood, packed to bursting with people. Barely people – raucous grins, jostling, laughing, screaming like fiends in human skins. Even their dæmons seemed inebriated, staggering between their legs with tongues lolling against chins. Nevertheless, all parted for June and their silent, bulky shadow.

June didn’t spare them a single glance. They had bred this intimidation, this mystery, fed it with the tender care of a mother and watched its first steps with pride.

“Just keep your mouth shut,” they had told Dante. “You’re unknowable now. Their fear and uncertainty will make you great.”

That suited him just fine. He never was a man of many words.

Darodrey stayed pinned to his side like a moth to a board. The angle of her ears still read as calm, but she had begun to pant in the crushing heat of the den. He rested a soothing hand on her head. He could feel her anticipation crackling beside his own. They never felt quite so alive than when they were in these ratholes.

He drew back the shabby curtain that sectioned off the preparation quarter, allowed June to step in first. He pulled it to behind him, hands immediately dropping to unbutton his short coat. It fell to the floor, revealing an expanse of scarred olive skin and the lines of thick muscles. He opened the tin set to the side on the bench.

“Nova,” June told him, low. “Dumb as a barrel of shit, but he hits like one too.”

“His dæmon?” It was Drey who asked, as Dante slid a guard over his teeth. The shock of his dæmon speaking to them had been worn away by familiarity long ago.

“A mountain lion.”

Drey noted, “Also stupid.”

Dante pulled a white roll from the tin and began to unwind it around his knuckles. “Only Nova?”

“Mitchellson could be taken as well, if you’re fit after the first.”

“I’ll take him.” Dante flexed his fingers experimentally. “A bear, right?”

“Black,” June confirmed.

Maybe I’ve finally found a challenge, Drey murmured to him and him alone.

Dante secured the final bandage. “What do we get for both?”

“Enough.” June tilted their head, their hair falling against the blade they called a jaw. “As long as you don’t fuck this up.”

“I won’t.” He couldn’t.

They’re depending on us.

They, they, they. The two men currently warming his bed with their dreams, wound together in a lover’s knot. Maybe they did depend on him, but not in a way that led into an underground fighting den. That would break them to know.

A roar went up from behind the curtain, more ferocious than any bear. Darodrey’s fur rose along her spine, lips pulling back in fierce delight. Dante rolled his shoulders, knocked his knuckles together till they ached.

“Get out there,” June said, and then their hand closed claw-like over his wrist. “Do not disappoint me, Diệu.”

With the adrenaline biting in his pulse, he didn’t even deign to answer that. Instead, he merely gave them a measured look and pushed through the curtain. Darodrey’s tail whipped out on his heels.

June watched after him for a moment. Their expression was unreadable, their fingers hovering over the red kerchief folded in their breast pocket. Then their jaw set, and they followed him out.

Dumb as a barrel of shit seemed to be the perfect way to describe Nova. His angelic name didn’t look like it belonged to the brutish man with a vividly new scar wound across his bald head. His eyes were, by all means, bright blue, but even they looked dull in his face.

To his credit, he wasn’t prancing or hopping like he was on hot coals, like some of the other peacocks Dante had fought. He simply leaned against the metal links behind him, taking in his competition from under furrowed brows.

Dante ran his eyes up him, down him as if in a mere cursory glance. His fingers were still purple with fresh bruises, darker on his left hand than his right. The muscles in his arms were massively developed. He was also very actively trying to convince Dante he held his weight on his right side. He was concentrating on it harder than he was concentrating on breathing.

Meanwhile, Drey was summarizing her opponent. She found her wanting – the same dull eyes, patchy pelt and a tediously swaying tail.

“Don’t be arrogant,” he told her.

“Vrox is right. You confuse arrogance with confidance too much.”

“It doesn’t hurt to be cautious.”

“Utter modesty never got anyone anywhere, Dante.” She stretched out one hind leg and then the other, unbothered.  “We wouldn’t be here if you didn’t think we were the best.”

Dante hesitated. Something troubled curled like lead in his stomach.

“Pay attention,” she warned.

Their opponent and his dæmon had leaned to their feet. The crowd was stirring around them, a great wave of excitement, raw in the way only betting could achieve. Dante knew three quarters of those bets were on him, and he knew that would chafe at his opponent’s pride. Sure enough, he saw something close to hate flicker in Nova’s deep-set eyes.

The referee pushed between the two men, a smile fake and white as a skull’s wide on his lips. He dove enthusiastically into his usual spiel, but Dante tuned him out. He could recite it in his sleep already. He watched the lion dæmon’s claws unfurl from their sheathes, ticking lightly against the floor. Her eyes were locked on Darodrey. On her throat.

Good luck with that, bitch, Drey growled.

The bell sounded early, ringing clear above the crowd’s uproar. A look of frightened consternation darted across the referee’s face, but he did the sensible thing and tossed aside his dignity to sprint out of the way of the two fighters. Not a second too late, either: Nova came at Dante like a boulder in an avalanche.

Nova jabbed with his right hand, but expectedly the blow was weak enough for Dante to smash it aside with his forearm and return one of his own. It snapped Nova’s head back, snapped something else as well. Blood splattered down his chin, his nose a pulpy mess. His dæmon hissed in pain.

There was definitely hate in those eyes now.

Dante flicked some of the blood of his hand as Nova came at him again. A grimace crossed his face as Drey fastened her teeth deep enough in his dæmon’s foreleg to scrape bone, but his next punch whistled toward Dante’s face. Dante had to duck to the side to avoid it. It clipped his ear instead of knocking out his teeth, and Dante didn’t bother straightening, just slammed his fist into his stomach.

The angle was wrong, but Nova folded anyway, and Dante jerked his knee up. It caught his chin was a satisfying clatter of teeth. Nova fell backward, and cried out – not for himself, though.

Darodrey had his dæmon’s neck between her jaws and was shaking her violently, back and forth, back and forth as if she were trying to rip clean through to her spine. The lion twisted under her, loose skin bunching, and ripped at her face with jagged claws. Darodrey fell back reluctantly with red dripping from her mouth, snarling like thunder.

Claws, teeth, fists, two fights tangled into one. The noise was atrocious. Curses smudged into growls, roars, the sound of flesh ripping, skin and bone colliding.

Nova kicked Dante’s knee, forced him to down or risk a break. An arm found its hold around his neck. The demented cheers of the crowd dulled as if Dante had submerged his head underwater. Blood pounded thickly in his ears.

No time for fear, no hesitation. He grabbed Nova’s wrist in an iron grip and began to inexorably pry it away from his throat. Nova grunted from the strain – from surprise – his weight wavering on Dante’s back. The moment he could draw in a breath, he gathered himself and threw. Nova slammed into the ground, every scrap of air rushing painfully out of his lungs. His dæmon yowled. Dante was only half surprised when he rolled to his feet and came at him again immediately.

A sloppy mistake. To stay on the ground would mean the end of him, but to swing so quickly, so desperately, with his weight falling now onto his left side–

Dante left an opening. Waited.

And there was the left hand, twice as fast as the right, angled to catch him on the chin and knock him senseless.

Dante caught the punch by the wrist. He saw the panic flash in Nova’s eyes and waited just one moment more to let it set in, let him feel it. Then he twisted his arm under his own and drove downward with brutal efficiency. The bone shattered, and Nova screamed.

It was a ragged noise, an animal noise, the same that his dæmon gave as she writhed on the floor. Drey took advantage of the distraction by sinking her teeth in her shoulder and flinging her against the metal barrier.

Dante let the momentum carry Nova forward. The other man crashed to the floor, clutching at his arm. Dante noted distantly that he could see a shard of bone poking through the ripped skin at his elbow. Distant, far-away, nothing. He wasn’t there. He wasn’t a man. He was the roaring in his ears, the blur behind his eyes, the molten heat coursing through his veins. He was the mechanical action of kneeling over him, caging him in his knees, and smashing a punch into Nova’s cheekbone, feeling it give. Then his jaw, the imprint of the teeth within against his knuckles. Blackening an eye, splitting a lip to ruin. One punch ran into many. Raining until Nova resembled something out of a nightmare.

“Enough, enough or you’ll forfeit, I swear you’ll forfeit–”

He paused. There was a frantic, quiet voice in his ear. The referee had been trying to hold his arm back, but he hadn’t felt any resistance as he destroyed Nova’s face. Nova, whose body was a wreck. Nova, who he held between his knees.

In his mind, Jesse smiled up at him. His hands smoothed down his stomach, his thighs. Curious and trusting.

Nova groaned, blood bubbling from his lips.

Abruptly, Dante was sure he was going to be sick.

He staggered to his feet and lurched through the open cage door, shoving through the crowd. He would leave smudges of dark, dark crimson on their clothes wherever he touched them, he knew, but they couldn’t seem to get enough of it: hands showered down on him, patting, smacking, gripping, pushing and tugging. He could hear Darodrey snarling, only white noise that buzzed in his ears.

He burst through the back door into the reeking alleyway beyond. He stumbled against the wall, nails drawing bloody streaks down the uneven bricks. He stood there, and he shuddered.

But he wasn’t sick. He was nothing at all.

Darodrey whined and pressed her nose into his palm, licked at his trembling fingers, trying to clean off the blood. He could still feel the gore caught between her teeth. The torn flesh of a soul – such a terrible thing.

Diệu, Diệu, Diệu, she whispered.

The nothing coalesced slowly, becoming simply the bricks rough against his forehead. Out here in the cool and the smoke, the clouds had made good on their promise: a thin veil of rain misted the streets, gathered and trickled down between Dante’s shoulder blades. It should have steamed where it touched his skin, but it didn’t, because nothing here was pure. It tasted like soot in the back of his throat.

The door crashed open behind him. The violence echoed in his ears.

“They need you back,” June said, sharp as broken glass.

Dante didn’t reply.

“I said get back in there, Dante.”

Darodrey said, “No.”

“What.” The accent of the city made their voice flat and vicious. They turned their gaze to the dæmon.

The one without a soul, she thought.

“He hates this,” Darodrey said. She looked back at Dante, her eyes fathoms deep, gleaming starlike. “We hate this.”

“Liar!” June snapped. Drey laid back her ears. “You can be sweet with your boys as much as you like, you can pretend to be a husband and a friend, but this is you. This is what you were made to do, and you enjoy it.” A snarl twisted their voice.

Dante stood still for a terribly long time. An eternity, hanging in the faint drizzle, printed in stinging flesh. Jesse would call it a postcard moment. He knew it would never leave him, even when it was nothing more than a memory.

June let their words sink in in silence, their nails biting red crescents into their own palms.

Then Dante pushed off from the wall and it was a horribly efficient, broken motion. He straightened, wiped the beading rain from his face with one bloodstained hand. He didn’t look at June, nor Darodrey, but as he turned back to the den she moved with him, closer than his shadow. The roar and the heat thundered through the door to welcome them both.

June was left standing in the alley alone.

“This will ruin them,” Thyne said. It shifted where it hid tucked behind their breast pocket, wings fluttering in the place of their heartbeat.

They said nothing.

#Drey is a Hmong docked tail dog #and Thyne is a shrike #my writing #Dante #June #my OCs #I'm so fucking proud of this asdfghjkl #......... sigh. #long post #look at me actually trying to edit something for once lmao

[legendofzelda4life]

Not Like The Rest

Alright this is day 23. If you are new here basically I write Zelda/LU oneshots everyday until the LU AU updates. I do take requests and more info will be left at the base of this post.

Today I gift some non-platonic Twilight and Wars angst.

Hearts will probably be broken but idk yet.

-------------------------------

Twilight had night watch with Warriors today. Great. Just fucking perfect.

Over the course Twilight had known the captain, he had taken a strong liking to him. And no, not a ‘oh-I-look-up-to-you’ liking. It was a ‘holy-shit-you’re-fucking-amazing-and-I-think-I’m-in-love’ liking.

Yeah, Twilight was utterly fucked.

Warriors came over and sat next to him.

“You okay?” The scarfed hero asked. Twilight gave a nod without looking at the hero. He heard Warriors shift a little further away. “Are you mad at me?” The boy asked, sounding slightly worried.

Twilight felt guilt over take him. He wasn’t mad at Warriors. He was mad at himself.

He scoffed internally as he thought about how stupid he was. “The captain of all people.” He thought, shaking his head slightly. He looked up at the other hero with a smile. “No, I’m not mad at you. I’m just stupid.” He chuckled slightly.

Warriors shifted closer to him, slightly relieved. “You’re not stupid.” He spoke, staring into the trees. Twilight scoffed in response. “I fell for someone that’s completely stupid.” He chuckled. This piqued Warriors’ interest.

“Oh my goddesses, who?” He asked excitedly. “Just a boy.” Twilight stared off into the middle distance as he thought about how wrong this could go. “Do I know him?” Warriors asked.

“Depends, do you know a bossy pretty boy?” Twilight asked with a smirk. “Gosh he already sounds like an asshole.” Warriors said with a chuckle. “Pretty boy and bossy don’t make a good combination trust me I-” Suddenly his eyes lit up as he added two and two.

“Wait…” He trailed off. “Are you talking about one of us?” Twilight nodded in response and could’ve sworn he saw a hopeful look in Warriors’ eyes. The boy cleared his throat. “I don’t know who it is but trust me, they’ll break your heart.” He looked away as he spoke.

“But what if he’s different?” Twilight asked. “What if he’s the only one that wont break me because he knows what being hurt feels like?” “How can you be so sure?” Warriors asked, placing his elbows on his knees.

“Because he’s you!” Twilight sounded frustrated but immediately looked Warriors dead in the eyes. You could see the fear hidden in them. Did he think Warriors would get mad?

Said boy looked away. “I’ll break you.” He mumbled. He himself wasn’t sure if that was true but he’d rather be safe than sorry. “You wont.” Twilight said. “How do you know?” Warriors snapped. “Because I’ve seen you heart broken before. I know you would never want to hurt anyone the way you were.” Twilight placed a hand on the captain’s shoulder.

Warriors scoffed and shrugged Twilight’s arm off. “I’d rather die knowing I said no to the boy I love than knowing I hurt him more than either of us could imagine.” He stood up and walked to the other side of camp, leaving Twilight to have his hand hover in mid air as he stared into the forest.

Twilight felt a tear roll down his cheek.

“So this is what rejection feels like?” Twilight chuckled softly as more tears flowed. “I’d like to cancel my subscription, thanks.” He wiped his face with his pelt, feeling his heart break bit by bit as new tears came.

Little did he know, Warriors was watching from across camp.

“Dear Din, I’m a horrible person.” He dragged a hand down his face, feeling a few tears. Not many though. Just enough to know his decision was the wrong one.

And it was too late to change it.

“He’s not like the rest.” The pair thought as they met eyes once more. Twilight broke eye contact first. Warrior felt a pang of hurt in his chest.

The captain really fucked up this time.

END

----------------------------------

Okay well that went sort of as planned. It was meant to be a bit different where instead they got together but they both had so much self-doubt that it drove them apart.

Is it bad I liked this better? Probably. Do I care? No.

LEAVE REQUESTS BELOW!

REQUESTS MUST INCLUDE:

PAIRING

TYPE/GENRE/CATEGORY (fluff, angst, etc)

PLATONIC OR NOT

I WILL WRITE ONLY ABOUT THE LINKS (including the ravio, shadow, the zeldas, and requested characters. Will not write about whole other fandoms though)

I CAN DO READER INSERTS IF REQUESTED (no oc’s tho)

CAN DO AN AU IF REQUESTED

#hero of warriors #hero of twilight

[baekhyyun]

Accused Love | KNJ

» pairing: kim namjoon x reader (ft. lim jaebeom and byun baekhyun)

» genre: angst(???), cause it ain’t fluff children rn, sfw, mystery, stranger to semi-lovers

» rating: PG13

» word count: 3.3k

» Warnings: strong language, the lack of namjoon's name being used, jaebeom and baekhyun got more screen time than the damn main character i’m sorry

a / n: THIS IS ACTUALLY A NAMJOON FIC JGSKVSDS , even tho i mention his name like 5 times (ITS NOW 8) throughout the whole this fic (!!!!!) , this is also my first full fic so bare with my shitty writing and it's debuting after 5000 years. This beauty is apart of the Luv Library Project under the mystery category! There will be more than one part !!!! I wanted to post something before we got to the good part jfksnkvjdfkj. Thank you to everyone who has helped me and encouraged me with this fic!

Special thanks to @jungtaeyoongles for being there with me from the beginning, bouncing ideas off with, helping me plan this whole story and beta reading as well! Thank you to @meowxyoong for bouncing ideas with me too! Thank you to @thinksshesawolf and @ dee-ehn for beta reading this mess and clowning me in the process. We know who the real main character is in this fic.

The night sky was pitch-black, making the stars shine bright like diamonds against the darkness. Being located in the heart of Seoul, the stars shined brighter than the lights hopping off all of the tall buildings in the quiet, busy city. Jaebeom, one of the many infamous mafia leaders in South Korea, found himself waiting in the night for his next crime. Being the head meant sending someone under him to do the crime itself without getting his hands dirty. Yet with bad timing, he was out of luck for the night. All of his men found themselves in different missions committing different sins to bring in the money that the head wanted.

 After becoming the head boss, he stopped going out and living life to protect his own, his hands never touching anything besides the gun strapped to his chest hidden from the public eye or the money that was earned by his henchmen. He felt like he was on top of the world again after being away from the scene for so long. Jaebeom, believing his skills were rusty, turned to money laundering to build up his skillset again. Oh, was he wrong.

 He was on a hot streak and subsequently oozed cockiness from each movement he made. Every step Jaebeom took felt like pure muscle memory. He was a greedy man that wanted money. Money made the world go round. You could buy anything and anyone with a couple of hundred-dollar bills. The man had an insatiable desire for money. $100,000 was not enough to sustain his need for money.  He wanted more. He wanted $500,000. It felt right to him. Not bothering to double-check his work, he just went for it as his life depended on it.

 Never in a million years, would he have thought that he would be wiring money from a gaming company. Tencent, one of the largest Asian companies and known worldwide, did not scare him. He felt that this job was easy. Getting access to this place was a piece of cake, he thought. His charming personality is what got him the keys to the records room, housing every transaction that the company has ever made.

 Jaebeom thought everything was going smoothly, but he could not be more wrong. After being here for three hours wiring this money, he realized that he made a rookie mistake. How could he use his ID card to get access to the files? Why did he not use his boss's card to open up the files? All these questions went through his head at lightning speed that caused his heart to start racing, he felt like his ears were going to burst from the sound of his own heart. The world around him was crashing down at a fast pace that he had to think of something fast.

 "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Jaebeom hissed to himself. How could I be so reckless? I can't let myself get caught over this shit. I gotta get out of here!"

 His senses went haywire where he couldn't think straight. Getting caught in this building around this time was the least of his worries. He needed out and that's what he was trying to do with his mind racing.

 As the clock ticked, Jaebeom rushed out the building to his car that was parked 5 blocks down the road. His only thought was to find a solution to this shit show that he had created the minute he walked in that building. His luck ran out.

 "Fuck me, man!" he continued to tell himself while running as fast as he could.

 "T-this is the o-one that f-fucks me o-over, and it's the simplest-t s-shit that gets me," he stuttered trying to control his breathing.

 Relief washed over him as he spotted his car hidden behind a dumpster. He still wasn't out of the clear. Slowing his pace down, a new thought popped in his head: should he have called someone to help him out? He thought it was best, but he didn't want to feel embarrassed at the thought of his underlings catching a whiff of the mess he created doing a simple job. He was the mafia boss for crying out loud. Making a mistake was out of the question, getting help was out as well. The more he thought of calling someone the more he got frustrated with the idea.

 The car roared to life, one hand reached the gear shift and set the car in reverse then back to drive. Hitting the gas pedal, he drove off with nothing but a dust cloud left behind. For being a mafia boss, he sure is fucking stupid, never once did he think that he would be making a mistake like that.

 Reaching a red light at an intersection, he noticed that the city was waking up to begin their day. He only had a couple of hours to come up with a solid cover story until he was supposed to show up at work again. Looking out the window he noticed the cars pass by; one car caught his attention. He thought this was his chance that he couldn't miss. It was a perfect idea from his point of view. Framing someone else was a bit of a bitch move but if he got out the clear, fuck, he would do it a thousand times over.

 He thought that using his rival would get rid of him for good so that he could be number one and rule Seoul from behind the scenes. Having everyone shirk in fear brought such joy to Jaebeom that he needs to go through with this plan. Becoming power-hungry made him crazy. He was thirsty for it and was going to do anything to get it. 

 Realizing that the light turned green, he makes his way back to the company for damage control. Who knew that bringing an end to his rival would make a man smile like a mad-man, but he thought it was so worth it to do so.

 The ride back was fairly quick for Jaebeom. As he got closer to Tencent, the police were there parked in the front of the building. He had to find a way into the building without being spotted. Circling Tencent, he decided to go through the backway. He still had his ID card on him, so if the police caught him right there he for sure would kiss the $500,000 goodbye.

 Parking his car in the alleyway behind the company, Jaebeom made his way to the back door cautiously. The perks of being named leader, it showed that you can handle any situation no matter the outcome, finding a solution to the mess he created was ironic.

 Slowly making his way up the stairs, he avoided any main hallways, not wanting to draw unwanted attention. Climbing twenty flights of stairs was not something Jaebeom planned for. He felt more guilty with each step he took for messing up a simple thing. He wished he had powers to reverse time and start over from the very beginning, but alas, he was never going to get that wish.

 Reaching the eighteenth floor, Jaebeom noticed no one near the entrance to the stairwell. He silently thanked the gods above to have come all the way up without getting caught. Twisting the knob to the door he slowly opened it and peaked his head to see if the coast was clear and surprisingly it was. Closing the door again, he stayed put in the stairwell. He found it strange that no one was guarding this floor, the floor where Jaebeom was located a couple of hours ago.

 Jaebeom's suspicions grew more as he stayed put, thinking of all the possible outcomes of this situation. None of his answers made any sense, the dots were not connecting at all. This pissed him off more than it should have.

 Deciding to give up, he moved on to the top floor where the CEO's office was, along with his own. Jaebeom's job title wasn't much, but that charming personality of his got him that spot on the top floor alongside the CEO. Everyone hated that Jaebeom got special treatment because he came here with no experience. He created enemies, did he care? No. It made him mad with power. He enjoyed that idea of people hating what he had and what they couldn't get.

 There was a scream that pulled Jaebeom out of his thoughts. "Where is he?! What do you mean you can't find him?!" one of the cops said into his phone.

 This is where it became challenging for Jaebeom, finding a clear path into the hallway without getting spotted by anyone. Peeking through the crack of the door, he noticed a tall man with a tan trenchcoat dressed up in an expensive suit. The realization hits him when he notices who the man was. It was none other than Kim Namjoon, a leader in the underground business and upper business, but to Jaebeom he was just a rival.

 He wondered why Namjoon was here, he had no business being here. Yet here he was waltzing into the company like he owns the place. The confidence that Namjoon gave off made Jaebeom sick to his stomach. How could someone just act confident all the time?

 "God, he's so infuriating, like can't this man even act normal," Jaebeom muttered to himself. "I just want to punch that stupid smirk off of his face."

 The wheels were turning in Jaebeom's head that after everything, he was getting some luck after the morning he had today. Reopening the door, he noticed Namjoon walking away from the coat closet. This was his opportunity to get rid of his ID card.

 He couldn't go out into the main hallway, he would get spotted quick. He needed to find a way to get himself into that coat closet. He had to think of something fast, there wasn't much time to waste. Looking back to where the officer was, Jaebeom couldn't find him.

 "Where did he go? He was just there," he told himself. Another voice caught his attention and it was from the CEO, Baekhyun. He was talking to the officer that Jaebeom was looking for. He felt so blessed to have him occupied. Looking left and right, he noticed that the coast was clear and booked it straight to the coat closet.

 Closing the door behind him, he was met with darkness, looking for the light switch with his hands. As he found the switch, the small closed space lit up. "Now where is that trenchcoat of yours," he whispered. "Ah, I found you, my dear sweet savior. Oh, how you are saving me from so much work."

Grabbing his ID from his coat pocket, he quickly placed it in Namjoon's trenchcoat and turned back around. Opening the door, he made sure the coast was clear once again and stepped out. Jaebeom made his way to the CEO's office and knocked on the door. Baekyhun and the officer turned their heads, noticing that it was Jaebeom.

 "There he is! Get him," Baekyhun loudly spoke.

 The officer was charged towards Jaebeom and before he could utter a word his hands were behind his back and his body slammed against the door. Groaning out loud from the impact Jaebeom asked, "What's going on, why am I getting slammed on a damn door by an officer?!"

 "Quit playing coy, Lim, what did you do with the money you stole from the company?" Baekhyun asked.

 Facing the man who asked the question, "I don't know what is going on, I just got here," Jaebeom's voice dropped a few octaves deeper.

 Baekhyun darted towards Jaebeom pushing the officer out of the way and turning Jaebeom around to face him. "Lim, I won't ask you again. Where is the money?!" he yelled, stressing each word as he spoke.

 "And I'm going to tell you again that I don't know what you are talking about!" Jaebeom rebutted back to the CEO.

 Baekyhun was just fuming with anger from Jaebeom's answer. Baekyhun swore that he was just bluffing and acting dumb, but the confusion on his face made his story more believable. Letting go of Jaebeom, Baekyhun walked towards the window of his office that gave him the best view of the busy city below. He was at a crossroads, not knowing what to do. He wanted to believe Jaebeom but the evidence was right there.

 Jaebeom silently watched his boss freak out, trying to understand the words that he spoke. His boss was at war with himself. Jaebeom thought he could use this as an advantage; to confuse the man more than he was.

 "Baekhyun, you know that I would never do anything to harm this company or to betray your trust," he spoke out loud.

 Baekhyun just stared at the man, his expression unreadable. Jaebeom couldn't figure out what he was thinking. Was Baekhyun figuring out that everything he's said was a lie? Jaebeom couldn't go down like this, this was not going to be the end.

 "Baekhyun, please I don't know what is going on, but I can tell you that I haven't seen my ID since yesterday. If that can help my case in any way," he hopelessly said.

 Jaebeom silently pleaded with Baekhyun to give him a chance to hear him out, which reluctantly he did. Baekyhun gave a hand signal to the police officer to leave the room and give the men privacy. "You have five minutes to tell me your side of the story or I'll ask the cops to take you away from here," he insisted.

 "As I said before, I haven't seen my ID since yesterday. The last time I saw the thing it was on my desk in my office. After that, I couldn't find it," Jaebeom lied through his teeth.

 "You lost your ID and didn't bother telling anyone about this?" Baekhyun questioned him.

 "Listen, I didn't think much of it when I couldn't find it after I left work. I thought I could find it when I got here today, but here we are." Jaebeom briefly paused.

 "I was planning on telling you today if I ended up not finding it!" he continued, "I can show you where I left it in my office and you can let the officer search too."

 Baekhyun was hesitant on taking Jaebeom's offer on searching his office, he was stressed and he was doubting everything that was said by this man. His trust in him was dropping rapidly, but did he have another choice? He had to go for it even if he ended up looking like a fool.

 Rising from his seat, Baekhyun walked around his desk and stood in front of Jaebeom and just stared him down. "If I found out that you are just fucking around and we find that ID of yours, you are out of here and out of my sight," leaving Jaebeom in his seat, Baekhyun walked towards the door and looked back, "Hurry up, we don't have all day. I have to do damage control because of you."

 Jaebeom quickly got up from his seat and followed his boss from behind, making their way to his office. The officer trailing along asked where they both were heading, Baekhyun quickly answering, "To his office, we are going to search for that ID card of his that supposedly was lost."

 "But sir, we don't have a search warrant to partake in this. We will not be able to assist you," the officer explained.

 Baekhyun continued to make his way to Jaebeom's office, telling anyone that walked past him to follow. Not a word was uttered when he spoke to anyone. The workers just simply followed like mindless slaves, not questioning his orders.

 Walking into the office, Baekhyun strolled quickly to the desk in the middle of the office and began to rummage through the files that laid on top neatly. Everyone that followed along began to do the same, going to different parts of the room and not leaving a corner unturned. Jaebeom just stood by the door not knowing what to do with himself besides watching the disaster unfold.

 Looking up to face the man that caused all the distress, Baekhyun spoke out loud, "Lim, it is best if you stepped outside and just stood by with the officer. You are truly not needed here."

 Jaebeom was offended by the words that the man spoke to him. It never crossed his mind that he would be pushed out of something that involved him. "To be fair Baekhyun, I don't think that is a good idea. What if one of the workers here is the culprit and trying to frame me over what happened? I'm sorry but I am not leaving this room until you all leave with me." His voice roared across the room.

 Baekhuyn rolled his eyes at his subordinate's stubbornness, it made him feel sick to his stomach that he did not want to walk. This was something that Jaebeom took very seriously. Never once did this man raise his voice at anyone during the job. He took everything that was handed to him without a single complaint. It scared Baekhyun that Jaebeom stood his ground and didn't budge one bit.

 "If you won't leave then stand by the door and don't get into anyone's way, Lim," he spoke with venom in his voice.

 Pleased with the response from his boss, he walked back to the door and just watched. No one knew what was to come at the end of this search. It was entertaining to watch everyone look through his belongings. They were never going to find anything and it made him ecstatic to have this type of knowledge over people.

 "Sir, we couldn't find anything in the cabinets,"

 "Sir, the bookshelf is clean,"

 One by one each person that Baekhyun brought with him ended up not finding anything. This made his blood boil, that not only could they not find anything, he as well couldn't come up with anything. His whole office was clean. Countless thoughts came to mind that gave him a migraine. Where could that ID of his be? Who took it? All these questions came to mind and none of the answers that he came up with seemed logical.

 With a huge sigh, Baekhyun told everyone to go back to work, this was a huge blow for his ego. Being proven wrong was his least favorite thing in the world. Being right about everything made his day, the power he felt was his drug. It was intoxicating to him. He needed this. Slamming the folders that laid on the desk, Baekhyun paced towards Jaebeom with anger in his eyes, he was not pleased when everyone came up short in their findings.

 "I don't know where you hid that ID of yours but if it's not found in the next twenty-four hours, you are on your own." he spat.

 Jaebeom wasn't shocked that his boss was worked up over not finding the missing ID. It actually made his day. Playing coy was his strongest suit; he enjoyed playing clueless. This was a win for him, the sight of his boss losing hope little by little. Everything was falling into place on how he imagined it, sweet victory was close. All he needed was the last piece to fall into place.

 Baekhyun sighed out loud, finally releasing Jaebeom from his grip and walked out of the ruined office. Jaebeom looked around and just smirked like a mad man and decided it was time to wrap things up. Shouts could be heard from his office, which made Jaebeom run out to where the commotion was. All he saw was three cops surrounding Namjoon, who was confused with everything trying to explain.

 One of the officers quickly grabbed hold of Namjoon and roughly pushed him against the nearest wall, "Kim Namjoon, you're under arrest!"

 Copyright © 2020 franklytae. All rights reserved. Please do not repost on any platform or translate without permission.

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