#i was so fucked up from the withdrawal i couldnt stand

[clanoffelidae]

I don’t think I’m ever gonna be over how the whole zine incident wound up domino effecting into literally saving my life from COVID I am not exaggerating or stretching things even a little bit the devil works hard but whatever benevolent chaos deity guides my life works harder god bless

#tl;dr: zine incident sent me into withdrawal from my vyvanse #i was so fucked up from the withdrawal i couldnt stand #i shortly thereafter contracted severe covid #was so fucked up i could barely breathe enough to stay conscious and was too weak to cough out the shit in my lungs #the withdrawal earlier meant i had inadvertently stockpiled extra medication #i wouldve run out and gone into withdrawal while having covid had it not happened earlier with the zine #if not for the zine there is a fairly good probability covid would have killed me #the devil works hard but my benevolent chaos guardian works harder god bless

[tashasbabe]

♱ off. — n.n

creds to @s-hyia & @florietas for the dividers!!

𑁤 w/l : substance usage, vomiting, fluff, angst??, profanity!! i think thats all <3

this is not proofread + i didn't use caps on purpose and never will!!

nicky is a woman who, usually, stays true to her promises. 

“i promise i’ll never use again, baby. please, i can get better, just trust me.”

what a lie. 2 years, down the fucking drain. early this morning nicky stumbled into her bunk, the one that you two shared. it was wayyy too obvious she was using again, and you wanted to break down right there, but you couldn’t. you had to be there for her. 

her lips and fingertips were blue, she looked pale, like she just got done vomiting. she couldnt walk straight, her pupils were dialated, it was so fucking obvious. 

“nicky, baby, c’mere.” you murmured softly, trying your best not to wake the other inmates up. 

“baaaaaabee, hii.. mmhph..” she stumbled over to your lap, in which you caught her when she tripped. “i puked, but i’m okay, i’m okay!!” she whisper-yelled, and you brushed the hair out of her face. you could’ve started crying right there, she was cold, so fucking cold. “that’s good, sweetheart. just.. l’me take a look at you. you tired, baby?” you quietly murmured, holding her in your lap as you checked her out, holding one of her hands in yours. 

“dunno, mamas.. i don’t really feel anything. hmph.” she yawned, at least she wasn't fully out of it. you kissed the top of her head, “okay, babe. okay..” you sighed, rocking her gently on your lap.

“are you sure you're okay, nicks?” you asked softly, a few minutes later, stroking the hair away from her face. “yeah, for the 5th time, i’m okayy.” she murmured, she had slightly calmed down, still bouncy but she didn’t move from your lap. you made the big decision, deciding to tell her. she obviously didn’t know she used. “nicky, baby, you’re cold.” you said, catching her attention. “what’d you mean, mamas?..” she asked softly, grasping your hand in her own.

“did you find heroin? please, dont lie to me.”

“yeah, but i gave it to boo.. i promise.” she whined quietly, she didn’t want you mad at her. “no, you didn’t, you used again.” you murmured softly, pulling her closer to you, her eyes were unfocused, wandering away from your stare. “look at me, baby, just try.” you gently cupped her chin, making her look up at you. 

“did i relapse..? i really did?” she asked softly, she looked like she was about to cry. it had probably been about an hour or two since she relapsed, and she was slowly making her way into withdrawal. “yes, baby, yeah.. it's gonna be okay, though. you did good finding your way back to the bunk.” you smiled softly, your eyes swelling up with tears. she almost instantly started sobbing, which alerted guard bell, 

“keep it down, inmate!” guard bell yelled, standing next to the doors.

“baby, shhh.. it's okay, itttss okaayy..” you murmured softly, trying to soothe her sobs, patting her back gently and bouncing her in your lap. “it's not okay, i’m not okay. mamas, i didn't mean to. are you mad at me?..” she sobbed quietly, hiding her face in your shoulder. none of the other inmates really minded her sobs or cries, they knew she was going through something. “noo, baby, i’m not mad.” you cooed softly, petting her hair. she stopped crying for a moment, then started again. she was sweating, alot. she was withdrawing. “b-babe.. fuck, trashcan!” she sobbed, which caused the guard to yell again, you immediately grabbed the trash can next to your bed though, holding it up to her. she slouched down, vomiting into the trash can. “good girl, let it all out, it's okay..” you soothed, patting her back gently, helping her through it. “all done?” you asked softly after she stopped puking, helping her lift her head, and wiping her mouth with your sleeve. “hmph, yeah, i’m.. done.” she murmured, she was slightly out of it, but still fazed. “mamas.” she grunted softly, and i placed a hand on her stomach, it was rock hard, tense. i rubbed her stomach slowly and gently, making sure i didn't cause her any pain. “that better, sweetheart?” you asked gently, continuing to rub soft circles on her stomach, and she sighed. “yes, baby, thank you.” she murmured softly, slowly adjusting back to her normal self, slooooooowly. 

—

“good girl.” you murmured softly, helping her lay down slowly, making sure you didn't hurt her. “i appreciate it, mamas.” she murmured quietly, it was painfully obvious she was tired, because she fell asleep almost instantly. “night, babygirl.” you murmured softly as you cuddled up to her, she would be okay, she truly would.

𝜗𝜚 a/n : as a girl that used & relapsed throughout her teenage years, this was particularly hard to write, i sobbed almost the whole way through. when i wrote this, i didnt think about how it would attract attention to using & overdosing. so, i must say that i'm NOT trying to influence drug usage. <3 please, stay away from substances, you truly don't know how bad it can hurt you. i also wanna say that this was longer than i wanted it to be smhh.. buuuttt i hope u enjoy reading it!

#nicky nichols x reader #nicky fluff #nicky nichols #fanfic #fanfiction #angst #fluff #im so gay for nicky #lesbian #wlw #oitnb #orangie #orange is the new black #orange is the new gay

[lieutnt]

holy shit dude oh my god i asked for the ghost knotting one and holy shit reading that last night made me see god dude that was so crazy good i literally couldnt stop audibly muttering 'oh my god' afterwards you took my tiny little idea and made it into something to rival the mona lisa dude oh my god. anyway if you want: thoughts on trans!ghost w some breeding kink? sub/dom doesn't matter but the way you wrote him in 'riding' made me blush no joke

filling

Trans!Simon "Ghost" Riley x Male Reader Summary: When it's just the two of you, Simon turns into a menace when he's horny. Warnings: NSFW, 18+ Only. Dom!Ghost but top!reader, no protection here, lots of cum in this one, Simon is described as having both cunt & cock.

You catch on to his game quick. He's incessant, brushing against you constantly, fingers drifting over every inch of exposed skin, toying with you to see how long it takes you to break. Only in the privacy of your own home is he this touchy, playful.

The tipping point comes when he has you trapped underneath him on his sofa, solid legs keeping you still as he attacks your neck, marking the skin with blemishes while he grinds against you, a groan erupting from your lips when you begin to feel the dampness against your thigh.

He leans back to take in your state - you look absolutely wrecked; eyes glassy with pleasure, lips plump and swollen, your breathing already heavy.

Leaning back in he ghosts your lips with his own before ducking down to your jaw, your head so easily falling back to give him all the space he needs. To see you so pliant and needy beneath him sends shivers to his spine, his excitement practically drooling from between his legs.

Simon grabs one of your hands and slips it under his pants, lust dominating his senses when he brings it to his cunt, forcing you to suck in a breath as your fingers easily glide through his folds thanks to the slick that's already gathered. "See what you do to me?" he taunts, withdrawing his own hand as yours continues to tease him, fingertips tracing around his hole.

"Please let me fuck you." You beg, head upright and eyes pleading, your cock throbbing with desire. He likes you like this, completely enthralled, always waiting until he gives you permission.

Your face falls when he stands, your hand slipping from his pants, fingers now shiny. "Not here" he states, walking away and towards the bedroom. Like a love-struck puppy you scramble to follow, tugging off your clothes as Simon does the same before he reclines on the bed, knees falling apart so you have a full view of between his legs, the insides of his thighs shining with arousal.

Once he's comfortable you move into position, planting your knees on the bed between his legs and hitching them over your thighs. Teasing your cock against his slit he's about to make a comment telling you to hurry, but before he can you rest your cock head against his hole, and begin to inch inside.

You stare at his face as he stretches around you, mouth hanging open and eyes becoming unfocused as you slowly bottom out, his mind wandering just enough to choke out "Oh fuck," before he's back in the room, legs tightening around you and his eyes turn, more focused, demanding as bucks himself against you.

Starting off slow you rock into him as he adjusts to your size, small, shallow thrusts until the resistance grows less and less, soon able to fully fuck into him with all your length. Your orgasm approaches faster than you wanted, so worked up from Simon grinding on your earlier.

He's close as well, and as soon as you start playing with his cock he's rocketing towards release, mumbling approvals to 'keep going'. You do, and he's the first to break, cunt squeezing you as he cums.

All coherent thought is wiped away by the feeling of him clamping down around you. "Oh god Simon, m'gonna cum. Where'd you wan' it?"

He locks his legs around your waist and pushes his hips up to meet yours in a wordless answer, your cock hitting deep inside as you grind and roll into him until eventually your cock spits the first of its release, a broken groan quickly following.

When he first feels it he moans along with you, trying to drain you of everything you have. "Cum in me love, can't you feel how good it is?"

You nod along, body doing the talking for you as your hips continue to jerk, cum pouring from you as you fill him up, your vision spotting as pleasure overwhelms you.

Once you're aware again you can feel his tight heat around you, his cunt clenching around your cock, milking you. The feeling has warmth already trying to spark in your belly, so you try and move back, cock still twitching from your previous release. He tuts when you try to move, legs remaining locked around you, keeping you buried deep inside. "Better not let it go to waste, yeah?"

Your body definitely responds to that, a new surge of heat flaming through your body. "Shit Simon, I'm gonna get hard again." You try and reason, but the look in his eyes shows that this is what he wanted.

"Good. We aren't nearly done yet." He starts fucking himself back against you - it sounds different this time, wetter, and Simon quickly notices too. "Listen to that, so full of you."

Thrusting forward you can hear the wet smack as cum begins to pool around your cock. His head rolls back, his own orgasm beginning to build again. "Fuck it into me," he moans, the feeling of your release kicking up his desire tenfold.

Neither of you can last much longer, and he drags you over the top with him, hot walls clenching around you. Another load pours inside him, this time some leaking out.

"Simon please," you gasp, harshly swallowing.

"Keep moving." He demands, he won't be satisfied until he's full and overflowing.

"I can't." But your hips still continue anyway, thrusting inside him as your body is trembling from overstimulation.

"You will." Simon knows he can pull more from you. You'd do this for days if he asked, stay seated in his hole as he takes everything he wants from you.

Your orgasm is weak this time, a breathless moan as your cock barely twitches, only a few spurts coming out. You almost fall on top of him, tucking your face into his neck as he grabs your ass to keep you in.

Once your hips still he begins to guide you out and in by your hips, a deep noise of approval rumbling through his chest. "Again."

#simon ghost riley #trans!simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley x male reader #top male reader #call of duty #elijahs oneshots #lieutnts writings #male reader #top reader

[pyraffin-drgo]

Dear god my nephew infected me with the worst stomach bug in the world what the guck why do kids have to get up right in your face and spray everything they say and get slobber on everything like jesus christ can you not be so moist please

Anyways I'm fucking dying, already having chronic illness and pain relating to my digestive system, and a stomach bug on top of this now where it is literally making me hurt- my stomach is literally aching. It's the usual "going to have blazing diarrhea" pain but ×10 and UP BY MY RIBS so I cannot sit comfortably no matter what, standing is horrific, can't even hunch over, dont want to consume anything so I'm lightheaded. And worst yet, nothing is coming out so it isn't even being alieved any. I'm past the shitting my brains out phase. Its JUST PAIN NOW- PAIN??? better than throwing up but GOOD GOD it's different pain than I'm used to so I can't cope with it as well and it's stressing me tf out. I hate inside pains. Give me more bug bites and brusies, just stop this. When will it be over.

I sure as fuck hope that this doesn't permanently alter my system and this pain become a new addition to the misery club. Hhhh.

I'm going to have to skip derby practice for this bs. God, kids are filthy disease spreading gremlins. Fuck.

As much as I like my niece and nephew, they are filthy sticky disease ridden vermin simply by being kids. So most of the blame is on the parents for bringing them over even if they were throwing their guts up the night before.

This isn't the first time they've spread a horrific disease through the entire family because "It's just allergies!" And beings them over anyways, even if theyre clearly miserable being anywhere but home.

I need to establish better personal space boundaries with those beasts, as if they'd even listen or the parents wouldn't get mad at me for 'disciplining' their children. They'd still find some way to land their spit particles on my face.

I'll have to start making more effort to remember when they're recently sick and hide away in my room when they roll up (un announced because the parents also have no boundaries, for us that is. We can't just show up on them but they can us.)

Jesus christ I just need to vent this out I am miserable right now, I just had to go last weekend without my medication and go through withdrawals, and as soon as I recovered from that I got hit with this ALL WEEK.

I am angry to say the least. And in pain. FOR A TRIPPLE THREAT IT WAS ALSO MY PERIOD WEEK SO I COULDNT TELL WHAT PAIN WAS WHAT

I just wanna scream but the area around my diaphragm hurts so I can't.

#vent #tw IBS #illness #IBS posting

[thenorthographer]

Woke up drunk.. again

Craig was preparing the jet fuel I.v. drip. Lekker little cocktail that clears the night before's palm wine and star beer from your system.

Being stationed remotely near the Bumbuna dam keeps you off the radar from the Brass, but you have to make due with whatever you can find to drink.

Craig and I ran a remote clinic between Bumbuna and Makeni and looked after forty Filipinos working on the haul road for WBHO, stretching from Tonkilili all the way down to the port at Pepel.

On that particular day, the Brass decided on a staff rotation between Bumbuna and Makeni. I suspected that they knew about the drinking by now...Jisis who didn't. Reports were frequently late. Inventory on schedule drugs were cooked to hide our frequent jetfuel lines, which we graciously supplied to the Filipinos in exchange for booze and smokes.

By 09h00 we were packed and would pass the replacement team in an hour en route to Makeni.

Makeni, the centre of all things civilized. The Wuzum hotel housed the Welsh and Aussies and was just around the corner from the SOS camp that we'd be stationed at. Being the apex in town, the Wuzum saw a lot of traffic; Dutch missionary girls and the Red Cross nurses who rotated in and out of country from other parts in Sierra Leone. So it was a lekker change of scenery after staring at the bush for six weeks. Or so we thought.

If there is one thing in this world that I hate. It's inventory. Not only because it would interfere with our drinking as we couldn't hide the addiction or hangovers anymore but because now we had to report to a Clinic Superintendent. Daily stock counts. Drug registers filled out in proper fashion and daily inspection of paperwork. We were fucked. Craig and I formulated a game plan of drinking less on duty and drinking less in between everything else so we could hold a pose. And we had access to Vodka again. Not the good stuff like the old Soviet Bear or some other Russian variant but cheap imports from Liberia. There was a St. Mary's around the corner and we payed a runner for delivery.

We didn't have any big mining accidents at the time as it was only phase one, with bush clearing and construction off the haul road being done. Days were spent cleaning the clinic and training the locals in First-Aid. We treated Malaria cases in between, especially amongst the expats, some suturing for minor cuts etc. and assisted local hospitals with their own trauma and medical cases etc. You know just to stay sharp mos.

Tuesday morning, Mick Hallahan our in-country OPS Manager called on the sat phone. Mick was and old boy, 3 Para Rgn soldier from the U.K. So when he spoke you took a piss standing at attention. Himself and our SHE-Q guy Attie Strydom were on the way with a guy form Basil Reed civils who was in bad shape. Hansie de Beer.

Hansie was a junior safety officer and it was his first time out of S.A. Nice chap. Didn't know him personally but he frequented in the mess hall during breakfasts etc.

Hansie arrived at the clinic complaining of head ache and nausea and he looked like shit. They found him drowsy at his desk.

I immediately ran an i.v line of Nacl 0.9% to treat for dehydration as this was, other than malaria the most common thing among expats in Sierra Leone. Hansie's vitals were stable, although his NIBP was low, I think 112/72. This was 11h30 pm. I did a quick finger prick for a rapid malaria test. Positive. I waited one hour and tested again. Positive. Our in country protocol said, as we were contracted to AML said that if in the event of Malaria and or other serious medical illness that we have to inform the World Travel Clinic via sat phone in JHB of the patient, vitals signs, any diagnostic findings etc. ( For some fucking reason) we were dumb and couldnt treat Typhoid, Malaria etc.

It was 11h51 and haven't had a sip of Russia's finest yet and was already withdrawing.

I raised the WTC on the sat phone and was put through the a doctor in charge who I can't name (A. De Frey) I ran the patients particulars by him as well as the Rapid test and last vitals. The doctor a.k.a Doos said that the patients vitals does not reflect malaria and I was to to repeat the test in three hours again. I was busy replying but was cut off. Call ended.

Hansie's vitals were still stable although he developed a laboured breath and raised pulse. His NIBP was now at 110/70. I informed my Sup and was instructed to carry out the Doos' order.

By 03h00 i repeated the Rapid Malaria test. It came back positive. Hansie's vitals were fluctuating. I raised the Doos' on the sat phone again. Says he to me that if we don't know what malaria is we should come to JHB and he will school us.

My shift ended and Craig started his. I asked if he could cover for me until 21h00 as I needed a drink although I was on standby. Craig tested Hansie at 18h00. Positive and called Jhb and relayed vitals. The Doctor was irritated and said we should start quinine on a low dose until he called back. Craig wakes me up at 22h00. Repeats the doctors order. Fuck. We don't have a cardiac monitor and quinine causes cardiac arrhythmias which we won't be able to monitor.

Hansie was in kak now. His vitals were dropping. NIBP, Pulse, Resp Rates the whole works. I phoned the doctor again and said we did not have a cardiac monitor as HE advised that we would not be needing it at the time of deployment.

We transfer Hansie to a villa outside the Wuzum. Inserted a NG tube for fluids, set up the SP02 and BP monitor. Craig and take turns until 06h00 monitoring vitals etc. I crushed coartem during the night to reconstitute it and admininitered it thought the NG Tube. Hansie was unresponsive by then and I made shit fit.

At 03h00 I phoned the OPS Room calling for a medivac. Ops informs me that the French pilots don't fly at night and couldn't have a flight plan done in that time anyway.

At 06h30 that morning, I've never been that sober In my Life. Hansie's NIBP was at 98/40. Pulse of 140bpm and laboured racing breaths.

Ops phoned at 06h35. The helo was on the way. French pilots with their french Puma. Hansie is prepped on Life Support for medivac. Mick phones to confirm that big bird is on the way and that ISOS will meet them at Lungi on the tarmac. I cry!! Like a child to the big man over the phone. He says " It time...If you could survive this sober you can survive anything else everywhere else sober too"

I went ahead and got as drunk as the human body could have allowed for three days. "Wit Dronk"

I went home on rotation one week later. My boys were born two weeks later on the 2nd of December. I had a drink that morning in the parking lot at Femina hospital.

Then it was done.

I tagged a bunch of people years later on Social Media who were involved in Hansie's rescue.

Hansie replied a few days later;

" Dankie vir alles oom, ek sal dit nooit vergeet nie"

The Rescue of Hansie de Beer

Adventures in Remote Site Rescue

Pepel, Sierra Leone

2010

- Michael Botha

[secretsniper3]

Part 7: High Tech Tortures

I wake on my side, sore and extremy horny, desperate to cum as the 7 eggs in my pussy continue tohum without end, juice flowing out of my pussy freely, passing around the shield blocking the eggs from getting out, kept maddeningly on the very edge of orgasm with no way down. How much I wish these eggs would let me back down from the edge or stop completly, but with my urethra plug holding the shield theres no way to remove it and my hands are useless and I only serve to push the shield further on my skin and coating my latex paws in layers of precum. Moaning and a hum coming from the bed my sister slave is clearly under similar circumstances, though she can cum unlike me. Laying next to my Master she is likely bound till shes let out, hearing movement my Master gets out of bed nude, his cock swinging unrestrained and unrestricted as he walks to the bathroom to go through his morning routine I can only watch from my small cage at the foor of his bed.

-----------------------------------------------

I wake in the familiar darkness and smell of my latex hood, my mouth plugged tight with my legs spread to the corners of the bed, my clit is humming softly, Im on the edge of a powerful orgasm needing only a touch to tip me into that pool as I feel my Master return to his bed and I recieve my orgasm as he slips his cock inside my soaking pussy, orgasming instantly I try and say “Sorry Master” but can only manage a pathetic mewl as my body shakes as my Master fucks me with his morning wood, my own comfort of no concern to him he thrusts away inside and dumps his morning load inside my waiting pussy. Feeling it stiring around inside me as he continues my pounding till a second load enters me, withdrawing and sealing my pussy closed he moves off and gets dressed. Feeling my leash reattach to my collar Im unbound from the bed and moved out the room and back downstairs, led around in the dark till my mouth finds a dildo and my tongue seizes it and I begin pumping and sucking away, recieving my morning meal from the giving cock as another cock pushes in my ass as my master uses me as he sees fit, thrusting me into the dildo with every push till I feel a pump push my masters tasty cum up my ass, flowing deep inside me. Having had my fill I remove the dildo from my mouth and take a step back, “Im done Master” my leash is pulled as I teeter on my toes locked in my ballet heels.

Pulled to the ground my collar is locked to a chain on the floor holding my neck a mere foot off the ground, my arms still bound behind my back Im forced to lay flat on my bountiful latex coated breasts, my covered nipples feel the cold against the latex I shiver at the sudden hardening of my nipples as my Master replaces my gag and turns, I hear footsteps walking away, leaving my bare ass and pussy on full view as my legs open slowly, feeling my Masters cum start to run out my ass and pussy, a few drops landing on the floor as I imagine my Master pumping more hot cum inside me, my imagination distracting me from the slow stepping behind me, its when I notice the muffled buzzing that my imagination comes back to reality and I wave my hips teasingly, trying to get my intention across as I feel a welcome hand on my back. “Eat” I hear as a tongue pushes into my tight ass and probes around, sucking on my petite hole I feel the cum flowing past my sister slaves prying tongue and into the mouth beyond, feeling another orgasm cresting the cliff I moan out in ecstasy as my pussy pulses “Dont cum” I hear, my Masters words ring and echo through my mind as my brain focuses on holding back the release instantly though with difficulty as the mouth continues to empty my ass.

Collecting the cum from my ass the tongue moves lower and I moan again as she enters my drooling pussy “Ahhh fuck!” I moan, hearing a laugh from my Master who seems to know my orgasm will come, wether I resist or not. Probing deeper and deeper inside me while the mouth sucks my clit and slurps the cum out, my mouth is too busy voicing my difficulty “Ohh fuck no! No no nonono! It-its too muhhhhHHHH” My voice breaking at the end as my pussy cums harder than I wanted as my cum sprays into the waiting mouth as the tongue redoubles and speeds up its thrusting, intent on making me dissobey again I do my best to hold back but having my willpower shattered too hard from that last orgasm, I can only manage “AHHHH OHGODNOO-ooooohh my gooOOODNOOO PLEASE!!” I scream, my arms jerking in my armbinder as I shift on my breasts, no way to stop the orgasms I have no permission to have! “Thats 2 orgasms, did you get permission to have those Slave?” My Master asks, “Im so sorry sir, I couldnt help it” I gasp out while the mouth sucks the remaining cum from my pussy and releases my still pulsing lips, “Thank you Master” I hear as the woman is led away and the sound of sucking fills the room.

Unlocking my chain from the floor Im put back on my toes and led to a chair where my master sits and bends me forward at the hips, Masters cock waits and I comply and thrust my head down and take him deep in my mouth, recieving my bonus meal Im stood up straight, “You wait here and keep sucking-” clearly talking to my sister slave, “I'll get this greedy slut ready for her punishment.” Making me shudder knowing Im getting punished for something I couldnt stop in my wildest dreams, Im led forward and taken to the dungeon in the basement, my legs forced open as I beg pathetically “She made me cum Master” being my favourite line to use. Special toys are inserted into my pussy and ass, 1 placed against my clit as a chastity belt lined with thick padded latex to seal completely, no way to get anything under my belt, not a finger or a feather, only my juices are able to slowly squeeze out from the shield. “These are very expensive, very special toys inside you now, dont want the deniers falling out and breaking now do we?” my Master asks with a laugh. What did my Master mean by “Deniers”? Im about to find out as he switches them all on, my head jerks as my lower body violently shakes as my ass and pussy quake with sensations and my poor clit becoming best friends with its stimulator. “If you manage to cum from those then its deserved, but good luck with that, Slut! Your punishment is keeping those in you for the day!” My Master says as I reach the edge of a massive orgasm and just as I crest the edge they all slow down, denying me the orgasm and holding me on the edge “Oh god im going to cum!” I moan as I try to cum, as the toys stop then start over again my orgasm rolls away then they vibrate continuously till Im once again on the edge, only to cut in and out in a painful denial. “It detects your heartbeat and stops just as your about to cum. Enjoy” My Master says as I scream aloud!

-----------------------------------------------

Still sucking, not sure when Master will return I dont want to be caught with the dildo out of my mouth, a light tug on my leash informs me to release the toy as I look up to my Master, I barely heard a scream earlier and my sister slave is still in the dungeon. My Master leads me slowly down to the dungeon, the second the door opens I hear loud buzzing and gasping and moans from the tormented slave, my eyes widen as I see her, still with arms sealed behind her, eyeless latex hood over her face with a tight corset and ballet boots locked to her body, but its what was new that caught my eyes, a shiny chastity belt that sits very tightly against her sex. Another tug on the leash I follow my Master to a chair and as he sits he reveals his hard cock, and I hop up to take it in my mouth as clearly commanded, my eyes look over to my sister slave as she cries and screams while I suck on my Masters hard cock till a hand meets the back of my head and holds my head low. Swallowing his cum I continue to suck away at the cock in my mouth. Moans and screams fill my ears as Masters cock pushes in and your of my mouth while my eyes look to a thrashing woman, “Shes enjoying a new toy i accuired this morning in the mail, designed to deny its user every orgasm, it wont stop vibrating till i turn it off.” Master explains while holding a remote in his other hand and placing it on a nearby shelf, far out of my paws reach.

Pushing me back off his hard cock Im told to sit, and I watch the display infront of me, “She will get to cum again, unlike you though” my Master says as he looks down on my bitchsuit covered body as my eyes start to tear up as my pussy continues to hum pathetically, having been turned down to emit a arousing presence. Seemingly knowing my arousal could use a pick-me-up my own inserts max out as I jump up and I spin to look at my Master, my sex dripping with need concealed by the latex suit while my sister slave is experiencing, however limited, a taste of my desires, Im told to sit once again and I shakily drop onto my covered pussy and ass as my own fluids flow onto the floor with a rekindled heat behind it as I look to the woman thrashing in her bonds knowing her hell is a temporary one while my hell will continue long after today.

My eyes look to the clock on the wall and time seems to take its course, an hour passes and the moaning has been nonstop from both of us as the pool between the womans bound wide legs growing steadily,with my own small puddle beneath my own thighs, my Master saying “You must be thirsty by now Slave, go have a drink” pointing to the pool of juices before me, I slowly walk over and drop my head in the fluid and drink deep, my red hair falling into the pool I slurp up more and more of my sister slaves pussy juices, thinking it would be more tasty coming from its source directly. Having my fill I back up to my Master and once again take his cock in my mouth and begin sucking away, the nearby drain collecting what pussy juices I didnt slurp up, my face covered with her own fluids as the cock pushes in my mouth as another 2 hours pass. Standing up my Master walks to the tormented woman as she moans and begs for forgivness incoherently as my Master reaches above her and grabs a dildo on a tube and puts it to her mouth, pushing it past her lips and teeth he locks straps around her head and pushes a button, the transparent tube fills with a white liquid and the slaves head shakes from side to side till her breasts are slapped hard “Drink up Slave!” My Master barks out loud. Complying instantly the slave gulps down many mouthfulls till shes clearly full and the button is pressed and the fluids flow stops, drinking up the rest the dildo is removes from her mouth and she spurts out some white fluid which lands on her large latex covered breasts.

Bringing the dildo over to me Im forced to suck on the thick toy as its locked on my face, pressing the button Im helpless to avoid the fluid as I watch as it rushes down the tube and bursts into my mouth, its horrible! Tastes worse than the cum flavored fluid from upstaris Im forced to swallow multiple loads worth and the button is pressed and I finish up and the toy is unlocked and removed. Placing back up near the roof it drips more white liquid onto the floor in slow drips, I watch on as my pussy burns with more need and I gasp out as the vibrators stimulation seem to double as I was obviously drugged with something, still unable to cum I grind my metal plate on the ground in a useless bid to achieve what I know I cant have. Moaning as I push down my motions matching the woman bound before me as we both hump forward, both pussies locked behind metal plates as the wearers thrust and grind best they can.

Watching this, my Master laughs and takes me back upstairs, leaving my sister slave bound and struggling desperatly as Im led away, entering the loungeroom I sit on a latex cushion placed infront of a metal device, locking my collar to the floor Im forced on my back, presenting my horny plate covered pussy for inspection, the device it placed over my head, covering my entire head and a dildo pushing into my mouth which is locked in place, the device now secure to my head my darkness is lit up with a screen everywhere I look. Im going to watch whatever my master wants me to watch, my eyes are illuminated with scenes of women in restrictive bondage and cumming constantly, cutting from scene to scene. My ears flood with the sounds of orgasms, cocks and sex. Unable to look away or block it out, even closing my eyes does nothing as I can see almost clear images on my eyelids as the dildo pulses in my mouth and my tongue coddles it lovingly as I feel my urethral tube deflate as my master takes care of my bodies needs, and I feel my eggs removed from my shuddering pussy, as its replaced with a throbbing hard cock as hands grab my breasts as my Master thrusts inside me, dumping 2 loads inside me, clearly going to require my sister to fish the cum out as I did for her this morning, at least I cant cum like she could. My Master leaves me to my porn to tend to the cum hungry slave below.

-----------------------------------------------

I cant cum, the toys wont let me! My hips thrusting against the belt with no release in sight I scream and moan between my blind begging to anyone there who could hear me! My breast being seized by a strong hand I cry out with desperation as I beg once again “Please make it stop Master!” being answered with a hand slapping my face “How would this be a punishment if you get out when you want out?” My Master says calmly as he unlocks my legs as I stand up straight as Im led back out of the dungeon, my pussy, ass and clit still alight with the vibrators. Led blindly through the house I hear moans over the humming between my thighs as Im forced to my knees and my face pushed into a pussy, its hers! Sucking deeply as my tongue shoots inside I taste cum packed deep and I begin fishing it out, it doesnt take long for me to get it all out and Im pulled off my dinner as Im taken over and pushed onto a seat, blind and unaware my Master decides to watch a normal movie while Im forced to sit, on the edge of a intense orgasm that I wont have till later hopefully as my tongue slips out of my open mouth while my mind goes numb with pure need.

Finishing his movie my Master jerks my mind back to reality with a cock slipping into my open mouth, the movie must be over, how long has it been? for me its been dark for 2 days straight so my grasp on the passage of time is completly useless, knowing when its night only when Im put to bed, I recieve a delicious load in my mouth from my Master, which I swallow instantly and are brought to my feet and led around the house aimlessly, turning around sharply multiple times threatening to topple my delicate balance as I teeter on my sore toes trapped in my ballet boots. I begin walking in a long straight line, puzzled I realize Im on a treadmill once again, as I writhe in my denial haze Im forced to walk endlessly as my Master clearly leaves me to my torment, my legs burn for relief that Im not going to get. My moans begin anew with that realization.

-----------------------------------------------

My mind is flooding with porn, the images of orgasms making my denial that much harder to deal with. The screen turns black and the dildo my tongue was coddeling is removed, my eyes see light and my Masters face as the helmet is taken away, my needy pussy right beneath him and the sounds of moaning and denial coming from around the corner, I know the treadmill is in that room and whats happening to her, Im pulled to my “feet” as my leash leads me to the treadmill room and I see her, bound tight in a inescapable walk of arousal and shame, “This because you made her cum twice, are you happy?” My Master says with a chuckle. Drinking in her bondage I accept that this is all on me, I could have eased up and denied her rather than taste her sweet cum… on my.. tongue. I know I did this, and I know that given the opporunity, I would do it again, her juices taste too great. If I cant cum then why should she? I decide that each time I clean her out I'll make her orgasm and sentence her to another day of denial hell. I smile at that decision and my Master laughs at my expression, “You enjoy her torture, dont you.”, I nod at his question “Yes Master, very much so..”

Leading me back up to the bedroom my cage is opened and I crawl inside and lay on my latex pillow and relax as best I can as my cage is locked shut and my Master leaves, likely to get my sister slave. Returning a few minutes later I yawn as he enters, Im exhausted, watching the blind slave led to the bed I hear flesh on latex and she falls back on the bed. Hearing a moan and a groan and a sudden cry I hear gagging as I learn my Master is taking her mouth tonight, she will remain denied tonight and I couldnt be happier. The lights turn off and I hear my Master call “Good night my Denial Whores!”

[zontiky]

okay so i tried to save this ask as a draft and it got deleted because tumblr is just such a functional website like that <3 but the prompt was “the hargreeves as ghosts in the apocalypse with five” or something like that i’m going to scream

this is SUPER long so i’m putting it under the cut hfkjsd

pre-five: the hargreeves siblings are dead. wait i feel a drabble coming on ooh

The Hargreeves siblings are dead.

Ben isn’t very aware of this at first. He’s been dead since 2006 -- he’s quite used to it, by now. What he is aware of, first, is light. Blinding white light. And Vanya, in the middle of it. He doesn’t close his eyes because he can’t feel pain, but if he could he thinks she would have made him blind. There’s light, and heat, and power, and then he closes his eyes anyway because the ceiling is collapsing around him and it’s instinctual.

When he opens them again he sees ash. Ash -- and Klaus.

He’s gotten used to Klaus, too. Klaus has a memorable sort of face; even if he didn’t, Ben has seen it every single day for almost twenty years. He doesn’t know if it’s actually been twenty years, for him. He doesn’t know how time moves for ghosts. Klaus has assured him it moves the same as it does for the living. Ben isn’t sure Klaus, stoned out of his mind, bleeding sluggishly from his arm, knew what he was talking about.

Anyway.

Klaus.

He’s wearing the coat he’s been flaunting around for the past week. His shirt is see-through, with little stars on it, like a pale imitation of the sky. Ben remembers his pants had laces on them, he’s sure they did not a minute ago, before the brightness that threatened to wipe out his very soul -- his soul is all he has left, really. His gaze drifts down anyway, to check.

Yes. Klaus’ pants have laces up the sides.

“No,” Ben says. Klaus is laying in a heap on the ground, his fingers curled like his tendons have been cut.

His lips feel numb because they always feel numb. Because Ben can’t feel at all. He takes a step. “No,” he says again, louder, surer. “No!”

Klaus looks up at him. His makeup is smudged, like it tends to be. His lips are bitten raw, like they tend to be. His hair is a mess, like it tends to be, and like it will be, always, because Klaus isn’t breathing.

Klaus is lying in a heap on the ground. Klaus is standing above his own body. Klaus is reaching for Ben like he’s hoping to touch him for the first time in years. Just when Klaus’ cold, dead, fingers brush his face, a voice from behind says, so quietly, dripping with disbelief: “Ben?”

Ben shuts his eyes and wishes desperately he could cry.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, for the first time in so, so long, but he also doesn’t feel it at all. He feels-but-doesn’t-feel someone turn him around, until they are saying, “Ben? Ben!” and he has no choice but to open his eyes and face the music.

Diego is gripping his shoulders like he is a dying man and Ben is the answer. Behind him, Luther and Allison watch them, stunned silent. Allison’s hands are pressed to her mouth. She looks like she wants to cry. 

And Vanya. Little Vanya, painted white. Her head is hung as her shoulders shake with the weight of the destruction she has so inevitably caused. (Ben would say he always knew she was destined for great things -- but he can’t, because he didn’t.) (Nobody ever said great things had to be good.)

The Hargreeves siblings are dead. Their bodies are strewn across what is left of their childhood home, smouldering and burning, and Ben is very aware of that fact.

righto anyway. so they have an emotional reunion but its also kind of bitter? id have to actually write this for it to make sense so lets skip it for now lol

five shows up

he cannot see them obviously bc theyre all ghosts

god if i did write this it would be such a monster of a fic and would take me like 2 years to finish i already know fhkjdsk

somehow ?? they manage to influence the world around them maybe? idk maybe now that klaus is dead hes sober

or maybe hes high for all eternity?

for the purposes of this au lets say he died sober or in the late stages of withdrawal, and bc ghosts cant feel pain in action hes sober

so EVENTUALLY they figure out how to corporealize bc klaus is like blam wham ghost powers

asdlfk that sounds so stupid im sorry

he would say that tho imho,,, it sounds like something hed say,,,

if i DID write this it would be alternating povs also,,,

ok so out of all of them klaus and ben have the most experience homeless

and while being stuck in an apocalypse is not at all the same thing as being homeless it does help to have some knowledge

five doesnt eat the twinkie!! good for him

dammit okay. theres 2 options we can take here. in the comics five couldnt get back bc he fucked up his math and spent 15 years doing the wrong thing, but if u apply that here, with 6 other ppl checking his work this could be avoided and they end up skipping the whole assassin shtick and just hopping straight back to 2019, ready to prevent the apocalypse

OR five still gets hired for the commission but the sibs are tagging along

i think bc five isnt completely alone in this au unfortunately dolores doesnt exist :((

for each other the 2 paths tho theres also options?? bc they (ghosts) can go back in time and inhabit their past selves bodies? OR they could just,,, cease to exist

IM JUST NOW REALIZING HOW MANY PATHS THIS COULD TAKE,, AAH FUCK

okay gonna split this into parts. this is gonna be so long brace yourselves.

1) they go back in time because math checking and the ghosts swap out for their past selves

after multiple years of being stuck in an apocalypse together i think they would learn to get along with each other. like at least a little bit

which would make it easier for them to prevent the apocalypse

bc theyd:

trust each other more

already know abt the apocalypse and not have to wait for five to grace them all with his knowledge

are working as a team from the very beginning

have open lines of communication

yeah uh. so there

vanya is also already aware of her powers so the whole harold goading her into turning against her family and snapping to wipe out all life on earth thing? yeah that doesnt happen

oh and harold wouldn’t know how to do that in the first place because klaus wouldn’t throw out reggie’s journal! this solves so many problems wtf

there’s still commission issues bc they (and by they i mean five) are on the commission’s radar

so there’s still dope fight scenes sdlkfd pinky promise

okay idk. they stop the apocalypse and everything is okay the end hfkjd

2) they fix the math but only five can go back and the ghosts cease to exist

this is just sad! it would be sad okay! im sad! lets move on

subset of the past one: ben CAN go back with five because he was already dead and time travel affects them differently or something idk

aaaaaa

five & ben dynamic duo would be dope as shit BUT five would not be able to see him... so they use klaus as a middleman fjsdsfd

is there 2 bens? is one ben deleted in favor of the time-traveling ben? i dont know! i dont know my brain is melting

either way shit is happening yall!! obviously klaus is clued in, directly or indirectly it doesnt matter but he is on board the ‘don’t let the entire world end in flames’ train

3) they join the commission and then when five goes back in time they all go back

this is fun because now five is a highly trained assassin who is also lowkey a complete marshmallow for his siblings and once again TEAMWORK WOO

basically the first path but now five has a gun fhsdjk

4) they join the commission but five has to leave them behind and they cease to exist

five with a gun but hes sad now

i didnt go into how much losing his siblings would suck in the prev path but like. it would suck so much. he’s already lost them once if you think about it when he time traveled the first time and yeah he found the adult ghost versions but,, its different

and now suddenly hes stuck with these strange adult versions of the people he knows and he KNOWS them but also he doesnt? at all? they dont have all the years of shared experiences together? and theyre all grown up from the first ‘set’ of siblings he had which for five was like 40+ years ago??

SCREAMS

i have losing my mind disease (self-diagnosed)

subset: five has to leave them behind but they still exist because the commission is out-of-time kind of? idk but they’re still floating around somewhere and come back to impact the plot later or something

yeah idk. literally just wrote them down bc i didnt want them to die^2 hfkjwehd

subset: they still exist but instead of being just Somewhere they’re specifically at the assassination of JFK onwards because thats where five left them and they either go on ghosting and make an appearance in s2 OR they cease because them-wise they havent died yet but that doesnt make sense because ghosts can time travel so nevermind

i dont have the brain energy left to explore this one aaaa

okay jesus christ i think that’s all

I DON’T KNOW. i don’t know. i might write some more of this because honestly it is a very fine flavor of angst + hurt/comfort <3

#didnt proofread this at all 💀 fhsdfks #tua #the umbrella academy #pls dont let this flop i spent like an hour on it hfjksd #aus #team zero #ben hargreeves #wip #I GUESS #misc #ghosting au

[rowanwhitethornisbae]

Liabilities Chapter 4

A/N: Sorry for taking so long for this next update!! Warnings for this are the same as all other chapters. Beware this is heavy chapter! I promise it pretty much goes completely uphill from here. 

liabilities masterlist

Rowan Whitethorn had never been this bored in his entire life. Or at least since 8 o clock, when Aelin had kissed his cheek and abandoned him to suffer through calculus all alone. She had been bouncing on her toes all morning, nervous beyond belief about seeing Lorcan for the first time since they'd slept together. Rowan had tried to calm her nerves while simaltaneously trying not to vomit and the thought of his two friends doing ... well that.

Now, he was sitting in the back of Mr. Faliq's class, doodling aimlessly on the front of his textbook. Math had never been Rowan's best subject anyway. Infact, the only reason he'd taken it was so that he and Aelin might have at least one class together. With her wanting to be a doctor and him wanting to be a lawyer, their senior year courses didnt exactly cross over. Unfourtunately, it hadnt worked out, and Rowan had a whole semester to suffer through whatever this was without his best friend beside him.

Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, the bell to signal the end of first period sounded throughout the room. Rowan was out of his seat and across the room before the rest of class had even begun packing their books. Once he was out in the hallway, he felt like he could finally breathe again. Rowan really needed to think about dropping that course, he'd even take art at this point. An image popped into his head of the last thing he'd tried to paint, a picture for Aelin that had turned into more of a brown blob than anything. Laughing, he walked down the hall towards Aelin's class. Students were beginning to pour out of classrooms and he spotted his friends down the hall.

They were standing by Lorcan's locker, the tall male leaning his head against the wall. He looked positively miserable as he toyed with the strap of his bag, doing practicaly anything to avoid Aelin's gaze. Still, she was looking right at him, gesturing wildly with her hands. Rowan hung back for a moment to watch, not wanting to interupt. After a few more seconds of talking to no one, Aelin socked Lorcan in the arm. Rowan could almost here him groan as he finally looked down at Aelin. She looked relieved as she launched into speaking all over again. When she was done, Aelin paused, apprehension shining in her eyes. Lorcan hesitated a moment before sighing and folding her into his arms. Her shoulders slumped with relief as she hugged him back. When they finally pulled away, Aelin was positively beaming and Rowan couldn't hold back the smile that tugged at his lips in response.

Still smiling, Aelin grabbed Lorcan's hand and pulled him down the hall towards Rowan. Just before they got withing hearing distance Aelin said something to Lorcan that made his head tip back in laughter. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, they reached Rowan.

They stopped infront of him and Lorcan looked up at Rowan slowly. Aelin surveyed the two males tentatively, as if preparing to seperate a fight.

"Hey." Lorcan said at last, his low voice rougher than normal.

"Hey." Rowan replied, nodding his head slightly.

Just as the silence became unbearably thick, a cheerful voice broke through the haze.

"Hey guys." Fenrys said, throwing his arm around Aelin. "I haven't seen any of you since the party, how were your weekends?"

"Totally normal." Aelin blurted at the same time that Lorcan said. "Nothing special."

Fenrys brows narrowed but he didnt push it. "Um okay. What about you Rowan?"

"Shitty." He admitted, avoiding anyone but Fenrys' gaze.

"Aw sorry about that man. I saw you leave the party alone, that sucks. It's been a while since you got laid huh."

Rowan couldnt stop the blush forming. "Uh yeah I dont know, I guess it depends on your definition of a while."

"Wasn't the last one Remelle?" Fenrys asked. Gods sometimes he just wanted to punch Fenrys out.

"Remelle." Aelin blurted. "Rowan that was all the way back in July. Its been like three months."

He was definetly blushing now. Remelle had been his last failed attempt at getting over his being in love with Aelin. He’d thrown up as soon as he’d left their room and from that moment on just touching other women had made him feel slightly nauseous. 

“Yeah well I just haven't really clicked with anyone since I guess.” He stumbled over his words. Lorcan was shooting him a knowing look that Rowan pointedly ignored. 

“Whatever.” Fenrys said shrugging. “Where’d you two disappear off too. I could've used some help with clean up.” 

Instantly all three of them looked down at their shoes, shoulders tensed. After a few seconds of awkward silence, Rowan decided to put everyone out of their miseries. 

“They fucked.” He said, his voice carefully exempt of any emotion. 

Fenrys mouth fell wide open. “What.” He paused. “Um Wha- How?” At last he sighed. “WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK.” He half yelled. 

A few freshman walking by giggled and scurried down the hall. 

“Well we were both drunk and not really thinking and somehow we ended up in his bed. But we’re good now so let’s just all forget it ever happened okay?” The plea in Aelin’s voice tightened something in Rowan’s chest. 

Fenrys, who was still staring at Lorcan, his jaw practically on the floor, said nothing. Lorcan swore under his breath and grabbed Fenrys, dragging him down the hall away from Aelin and Rowan. Good, let Lorcan deal with his best friend and Rowan would deal with his. 

They walked down the hall in silence for a few seconds. Rowan fought to hold back everything he wanted to say. He could feel their friendship slowly falling apart, like a burning house. Yet he couldn't say or do anything out of fear that the whole thing would come crumbling down with one wrong touch. Instead, he allowed himself to focus on the pattern of footsteps against the school tile floor. He watched Aelin’s hands swing back and forth, shaking violently. 

“Aelin are you okay?” He asked tentatively. 

She jerked her head towards him, then down to her hands, and then back up again. Eyes still on him, she pulled her sweater down to cover her shaking hands. 

“Um yeah its just... well I stopped the drugs and everything very suddenly and it’s a little hard on my body.” 

“How hard.” He asked, concern shining in his bright green eyes. 

“Most people phase out of the shit I did slowly. Stopping it all at once is hard.” 

“That’s not what I asked.” He didn't raise his voice but his tone was firm in the way that demanded answers. 

She took a long breath in through her nose. “Some vomiting, cold chills and sweating, a pounding headache, shaking, a couple fucked up dreams.” 

“So you’re in withdrawal.” 

“Yeah from like three different things at once.” Aelin let out a small laugh, as if this was all funny for her. 

“Do you want me to take you home?” He offered. 

“What no.” She rolled her ankle around in a circle. “I’ll see you at lunch.” 

Then she was gone. 

----------------------

Rowan Whitehorn had thought calculus was the worst class he’d have to suffer through. French, made that course look like a fucking summer breeze. Honestly this class wouldn't even have been that hard if he could speak the language at all. Aelin and him had always wanted to go backpacking through Europe, so when he said he couldn't speak French, she practically signed him up herself. 

“Rowan.” A voice snapped him out of his daze. The principal was standing in the class doorway, panting, as if she’d ran here. The look in her eyes made Rowan’s heart lurch forward in his chest. 

“Yeah,” He said, already walking towards her. 

“Come with me.” Then they were walking swiftly down the hall.

“What’s going on?” A part of him didn't really want an answer. 

The principal swallowed and began jogging down the hall. “It’s Aelin.” 

A part of him had already known. Had wanted it to be false, but known all the same. Still, it didn't stop the panic that seized him so completely, had him practically running down the halls now, feed sliding on the freshly cleaned tile. 

The rounded the corner and Rowan stopped dead on his feet. There, sitting against the wall just outside her art classroom, was Aelin. Her arms were wrapped around her petite frame, as if she could hold herself together. She was shaking uncontrollably, her head buried in her knees. Even from a few metres away, Rowan could hear how she tried and failed to gulp down air. There were no tears on her face, just blind panic. Fenrys was kneeling in front of her, a panicked expression on his face and he tried to calm her down. 

Rowan ignore the small puddle of vomit on the floor as he pushed Fenrys away and kneeled before Aelin. He was close enough now to hear her muttering something, words he couldn't decipher. 

Ever so carefully, he grabbed her violently seizing wrists and pried them from her knees. Her hands were freezing cold, and Rowan resisted the urge to drop them. Instead, he covered them with his own and waited for her to look at him. 

“Aelin” He said softly, failing to hide the pain in his voice. “Look at me love.” 

She didn't. Some of the shaking in her hands had ceased though, becoming more tremors than anything. 

“Aelin everything is going to be okay. I can help you alright. I just need you to look at me.” 

Slowly, so slow that he felt as though time itself had been warped, she lifted those blue eyes to his own. He stared at her broken face, letting her know that he saw every part of her and was not afraid. 

“Just breathe with me.” He took one of her hands and placed it against his chest. “Just like this.” 

He inhaled slowly, his eyes never leaving hers. After a brief second of hesitation, Aelin did the same. 

“Good.” He murmured softly, and repeated the action. “You’re doing so good.” 

He continued to breathe in and out until Aelin’s own breath had steadied. Even then, he refused to remove her hand from his chest. 

At long last, she spoke. “I don't know what happened.” The words came out scratchy. “One second I was painting, green flowers like your eyes. Then someone spilled red paint on the floor. It looked like blood Rowan. Like his blood all over the tile. Suddenly the walls started closing in and I couldn't breathe. There was blood everywhere and he was dying all over again and I just couldn't fucking breathe.” A strangled cry broke from her lips on the last words. 

“We’re going to go home now okay? I’m going to take you home.” He paused to weigh her reaction. She tried to stand up but her legs were shaking so much that it didn't work. Instead, she collapsed back down withe another small broke sob. Rowan’s fucking heart was shattering. 

“Can I pick you up?” He asked. Her small nod was answer enough. Leaning down, he curled one arm under her legs and the other below her neck. Still shaking slightly, she buried her head in his chest, as if hiding from the rest of the world. 

The principal was still staring at them in shock. Fenrys must've gone to get Lorcan who was now watching Rowan and Aelin with pure devastation on his face. “We’ll be by later.” Lorcan said as they passed. 

“Alright.” 

When they reached Rowan’s car, he placed Aelin in the passenger seat before climbing in as well. 

“Thank you.” Her words carried some of that fearless strength and determination he’d missed. “For everything. You have no idea what it means to me. I honestly don't think i’d still be here without you Ro.”

“Anytime.” He tried not to focus on the deja vu of this situation. Tried and failed to forget that it was barely two days ago when he’d placed a shaking Aelin in the front seat of his car. He was always saving her, not that he had minded much before. But now, as they pulled out of the parking lot, Rowan wondered if maybe there was more out there.

--------

tags: 

@queen-of-glass

@courtofjurdan

@fictional-horan

@bamchickawowow

#rowaelin au #rowan whitethorn #rowaelin angst #aelin galythinius #throne of glass #highschool au #angst

[mollydollyjournals]

So. On Sunday 22nd November I drank 2 bottles of wine because I just felt like shit and that's how it goes. On the Monday, I had a bad hangover but was okay. And I was glad I was okay and not super sick because that is never fun.

On the Tuesday I woke up with a horrific migraine. Every time I moved I felt like my brain was exploding. In hindsight, it was probably swollen. The headache kept getting worse and other symptoms showed up and by Thursday morning I had extreme head pain, various abdominal pain, severe nausea, I couldnt stay awake longer than a few hours, could barely concentrate or talk, and my bones felt cold. Idk how else to describe it. Just felt like I was freezing from the inside out.

So I figured I was dying. I've had liver failure before and it didnt take that long to recover - I did at least continually get better after drinking. But this time it was getting worse over time. That's also consistent with my knowledge of how su*c*de by overdose commonly works. But I could barely move, hospital is an extremely stressful place for me as it is, they weren't guaranteed to do anything and I'd likely just wait there for hours and maybe just die in the waiting room, plus there's a pandemic so they're understaffed and I'm at high risk for catching it.

Hb eventually called a few health service places and I got an emergency blood test for that afternoon. Luckily I also recovered enough to get there and have my blood taken and all. Then I just had to go recover.

I only really started to feel okay yesterday, Wednesday 2nd December, a week and a half after I drank. Of course, yesterday was also the day hb's anger issues made a grand reentry and I considered leaving/kicking him out, and instead I drank. I didn't drink a lot. I don't think I can right now. At one point in the week I had a couple of mouthfuls of low alcohol wine just to deal with withdrawal, and it made me feel sick and my head started hurting so much. So I only had a bit yesterday by usual standards (equivalent maybe 2 glasses of regular wine) but it was enough and I still feel a little hungover today.

So. That's where I've been.

I'd reached and plateaued at 156.6lbs and my body wouldn't go lower. My waist was 29in. While I was at my most ill I could stand long enough to weigh myself, but at one point later I was 156 and felt like I'd gained. Even though I'd been lying down eating carbs. Liver disease makes you lose weight. Of course part of me wanted to just lose more. But liver disease also makes you retain fluid, so my waist got bigger even though I weighed less. At the moment, I'm 158.2lbs and my waist has gone up to 31in, and my face is super round and fat.

I've avoided Tumblr because I knew I had to recover physically enough to be able to do anything first. I knew I had to eat high calorie carby food and I wasn't going to manage it I saw thinspo and such. I also already feel disgusting enough with my belly and face being so fat, especially so suddenly after getting to a lower weight. I even ate some meat (I'm normally vegetarian).

Im just about okay to do some things now. I did a lot of housework yesterday, or at least a lot for recent standards. Tomorrow I'm going to see bf for the first time in ages. I've been so alone and he has too and I've just been struggling so hard not to drink. But I'm also super nervous because I just have anxiety and I'm so so fat.

I guess he won't notice. I'm about the same as last time I saw him. And that's so discouraging for me. I could have been less. I had such a good first week of my 28 day thing and then I fucked up so much worse than I even thought I would. Now I'm worse than when I started. Although I weigh slightly less than 160 or 163 or whatever, it's not much, and I'm still bigger. Because of all the fluid retention. I feel like I'm pregnant.

I took a stimulant lax because I can't stand it. But I also ordered some osmotics that arrives today so I'm going to do that next week. It'll be timed with my period. I've done the basic recovery from whatever the fuck happened a couple of weeks ago. Now I need to do a bit of a cleanse and get acquainted again. Get rid of all the fluid and replenish vitamin stores etc. By the end of my period I want to be able to get back to this properly.

I just can't believe I fucked up so badly. I'm so ashamed of myself. I feel really alone. I'm trying to get therapy again for drinking and I really hope it helps. At least a little.

For now I guess I'm just going to get back to sharing thinspo and such, do more than lying in bed, stop eating meat and heavy carbs, get back to my usual a bit. I feel so stupid.

[serenefreakgeekao3]

Ooooh!! # 21 again plz and thanks!

Here is Part 2 of a request I had received and written before! You can find part one in the link below:

Part One

Continuation of #21

"No, I want to speak with Hermione Granger. Floor four, her office number is four fifty s- no I dont want to speak with a consulting Healer I want Hermione!"

Harry was currently bent over, yelling into the floocall he had with St Mungos, getting more frustrated than he really should've. Hermione was not only one of the best Healers in the hospital, but was still hounded by people who only wanted to meet her for her part in the war. There were security measures in place for her own protection, which Harry understood, but he needed to see her now.

"Harry," Draco began in a sing-song tone, and Harry whipped his head around quickly. He was currently standing on a stool with one foot, the other kicked upward as if to help him balance or reach, and he had his hands searching the very top of the bookcase he was standing in front of. Harry was pretty sure the only thing up there was dust, but Draco seemed pretty happy. "Harry, look! I found it!"

"You found what, Draco?" Harry asked, also listening with one ear as the nurse explained for the third time why she couldnt just fetch The Hermione Granger. Draco began to wobble on the stool causing Harry to shoot up quickly, racing over and catching Draco as he fell from the stool. Once Draco was safely in his arms, the man began to giggle profusely.

"You- ha- you caught me!" He giggled again, standing before leaning against Harry and placing a hand against his forehead. "Like I was a damsel in distress!"

"You're not exactly a damsel, Draco," Harry mumbled before hearing 'Hello? Sir? Is this a good time?' from the floo. Harry took a deep breath, pulling Draco to sit on the couch before kneeling back down in front of the floo. "No, it's not a good time! That's why I need Hermione Granger!"

"Sir, it's just that-"

"I understand the rules! But I'm Harry Potter, I am her best fucking friend and I have an emergency!"

"Harry, dont you want to know what I've found?" He glanced back quickly to see Draco standing with his hands behind his back, pouting.

"Why do you keep getting up?"

"Sir?"

"Sorry, just, please. Just deliver the message. Immediately. It's an emergency and Harry needs her. I'll be at my house." Harry reached up, pulling the lever closed quickly and huffing loudly. He stood up, turning to see Draco's pout once more. "Of course, I would love to see what you have found, Draco."

Draco's face lit up as he pulled his hands from behind his back, shoving the item forward. He held a black picture frame with dust covering the glass, and Harry took it from him gently, his brow furrowing. Slowly, he wiped the dust from the frame and took in a deep breath.

He took a seat on the couch near him, placing a hand over his mouth as he studied the picture. It must've been one Sirius had when he lived here that had fallen and was forgotten, or was placed there to be out of the way. He watched a loop of all four mauraders, his father, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, all arm in arm. They were smiling and waving to the camera before tackling each other and yelling audioless words at each other. They seemed so happy, and so young. Probably just before their last year of Hogwarts.

"Did I make you sad?" Harry glanced up, only just realizing he felt tear tracks on his cheeks and that Draco was sitting very close next to him. Draco raised a hand and began rubbing his back, a small sad expression on his face. "I didnt want you sad. I wanted you to be happy like I was." Harry blinked a few times before clearing his throat and rubbing at his cheeks to clear them of tears. "That's your dad right?"

"Yeah, that's my dad. I'm not sad, but the way. It's- uh, its happy tears." He watched a bright smile cross Draco's face before the man quickly leaned over and gave Harry a full body hug.

"Harry Potter, I swear to Merlin- if you've harrassed my poor nurse just because you want to complain about your incessant pining- what the fuck?" Hermione was stepping through the floo, speaking before she even fully exited the green flames. Her hair was a mess (or more of a mess than usual), and her clothes were wrinkled as if she just finished another 24 hour work shift at the hospital- and her current facial expression was a mix of tired, surprised, and guilty. "Malfoy is hugging you?"

"Oh! Granger! You look so tired, I think you should get some sleep!" Draco jumped up from the couch, rushing to her and smoothing his hands against her shoulders to smooth out some wrinkles. She looked incredulous, studying him for a moment before looking back at Harry.

"What happened to Malfoy?"

"I think someone put some kind of drug or potion in his coffee. He's been acting-" Harry hesitated, watching as Draco wandered off and picked up a knick knack from the shelf, beginning to play with it. "Well- yeah."

Hermione furrowed her eyebrows, shaking her head at him before rushing back over to Draco and plastering on a large smile. "Oh, Draco darling. I don't need sleep, I'm perfectly fine!"

"Oh you're so happy!" Draco cheered, grinning, before hugging her. She held him tightly, leaning in to smell his neck before pushing him away and withdrawing her wand.

"You know what would make me so happy?" Draco widened his eyes, nodding for the response. "Waving my wand around and scanning for people's well being! You know, since I'm a healer and all."

"Of course!" Draco agreed, smiling brightly and setting the knick knack back down.

"May I?" Hermione asked, raising her eyebrows as her smile calmed a bit, her demeanor shifting more serious.

"Yes, please!" He spread his arms out, grinning as she waved her wand in front of him. Draco suddenly glanced at Harry, smiling wide. "Look Harry! We're having so much fun!"

Harry stood, unable to keep a smile from his face while seeing Draco so happy. "So much fun, Draco." He walked closer as Hermione finished her scan, letting Draco know he could drop his arms. Draco bounced on the balls of his feet like an excited child, and Harry felt a rush of strong affection for the man. He loved seeing Draco so happy, but it hurt knowing that this wasn't actually him. Harry reached forward suddenly, wrapping his arms around Draco and holding him tightly against his chest. Draco responded positively, wrapping his arms around Harry and burying his face into Harry's chest.

"I've found it. It's an overly strong variation of a cheering potion, with added hawthorn." She glanced up at Harry, nodding. "It takes away impulse control, and reverts someone's consciousness to a simple childlike state. He wants to do what makes him happy, and he wants everyone else to be happy too. Though, I'm sure you've figured the symptoms out already."

Harry nodded quickly, moving one hand to make a 'hurry' gesture before replacing his hold on Draco. "Okay so the cure. A spell, a potion? How long will this take? Any long term effects?"

Hermione huffed, waving her wand to dissipate a floating chart and then nodded. "They brewed the potion poorly, and a typical cheering potion can be counteracted with the antidote. We have those on hand at the hospital. I'll run over and grab it and head back immediately. Give me a few minutes."

Hermione immediately left through the floo, and Harry took a deep breath. "Alright, Draco. We'll fix you soon. You'll be okay." He rubbed Draco's back for a moment, but after no response he decides to back up slightly and glance down at Draco. "Did you... want to do something? To like- make you happy?"

"I am happy," Draco mumbled, snuggling closer into Harry's chest. Harry took a deep breath, glancing up and trying to will the heat he felt in his cheeks to calm down.

"Let's go sit, okay?" He heard a mumbled reply and then nodded, pulling Draco over to the couch. Draco snuggled closer into Harry, and Harry found it hard to deny him this. It was only for a little bit anyway, right? Just until Hermione was back with the potion.

Harry took a deep breath, trying to calm the racing he felt in his chest. Draco's shampoo invaded his senses, making him dizzy, and he held Draco tighter to his chest. He felt butterflies in his stomach and heat in his cheeks, but kept repeatedly telling himself to calm down. Draco would never actually want to do this. Once he was back to normal, everything will be fine.

The floo wooshed again, Hermione stepping out of the flames. She took one look at them, raised an eyebrow, then set the bottle on the mantel and left. Harry sighed, shaking his head before reaching down to pat Draco's shoulder.

"Hey, Draco, I have something I need you to drink." Hatry glanced down, tilting his head when Draco didn't move immediately. "Draco?" He slightly pushed the man, who in return whined loudly and snuggled closer to him.

"I don't want to move! This is the best thing ever!" Draco tightened his hold, and Harry took a deep breath once again.

"Would you please drink it? For me?" Harry waited, and after a moment Draco lifted his head and nodded. "Alright, good. It's on the mantel over there."

"And after I drink it we can do this again?" He asked, pouting slightly. He sighed, smiling softly in return.

"If you still want to, of course." Harry spoke quietly, but Draco heard and smiled brightly, jumping up quickly. He raced to the mantel, taking the shimmering blue potion and uncorking the bottle, downing the whole thing.

It took a few moments, but Harry saw the reaction once the effect wore off. Draco calmed down infinitely, no longer looking like he was about to fall over or tackle someone. His face took on his typical masked expression, and Harry wondered what exactly he was thinking now.

"Thank you for your help," Draco mumbled quietly, placing the bottle down without looking back. Harry opened his mouth to speak, but Draco grabbed a fistful of powder and flooed away immediately.

"Fuck." Harry let his head fall into his hands, clutching his hair between his fingers. "I'm so fucked."

#drarry #draco malfoy #harry potter #drabble #auror au #requested

[thfrustration]

Stjarnavetr - Part II - Chapter 40

TITLE OF STORY: Stjarnavetr

CHAPTER NUMBER: Part II – Chapter 40

AUTHOR: renlem

WHICH TOM/CHARACTER: Loki

STORY GENRE: Angst, Erotica, Drama

STORY SUMMARY, PART II: Things have gone well for Loki and Stjarnavetr these past five centuries, but it cannot remain so. When Loki unexpectedly betrays those closest to him, Stjarnavetr’s world falls apart. Painful secrets and dark pasts will come to light, love will be tried to the breaking point, and Stjarnavetr must come to terms with the fact that the man she loves is not the man she thought she knew. Through it all, both Loki and Stjarnavetr will come to realize just how far they will go for one another and the sacrifices they will make, no matter the cost.

STORY RATING: Explicit (for strong language, strong sexual content, and graphic violence)

AUTHOR’S NOTE:

CHAPTER WARNINGS/TRIGGERS:

PREVIOUS CHAPTERS (PART I & ONE SHOTS)

Part II: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 | 39

__

CHAPTER 40

Loki

Helheim

“Nice try, Mannadr!” I smirked, slicing the stale air with Laevateinn, the sword Angrboda had commissioned for me.

Four palace guards stood opposite of me, weapons drawn and poised. Before them lay their comrade whom they had likely known for centuries, whom I had just decapitated and whose black blood was pouring thickly out onto the dusty ground, and whose unfortunate fate simultaneously did not faze them at all.

I was training again—for what, I knew not, only to pass the time, I suppose—and I greatly enjoyed it. It took my mind off other matters, anyway.

I always instructed the guards I happened to train with that day to attack me as if they truly wished to kill me, queen’s father or no. Of course they mechanically obeyed and a few times I had ended up with some rather nasty wounds. Luckily, unlike them, I could heal myself even here and did not have to spend the rest of eternity with half my guts exposed or fallen out.

Many of the guards I had killed this way. Hel once told me that even though we were all dead here, it was possible to die a second time, and there was no coming back from it. By that logic, I suspected it was once again possible to return to life, but Hel had always remained rather tight-lipped on the subject, only fueling my suspicion.

But as of late I had not spoken much to Hel if I could help it.

It was an interesting sight when one of them died. The guard would collapse onto the ground and a few seconds later their bodies would slowly disintegrate into an ashen mound, which would eventually disperse in the dry wind. I would have felt odd killing palace guards simply for my own amusement, but Hel had assured me long ago that the guards were not as the other dead in Helheim; they were mindless and followed orders blindly. There was nothing left over of them from their previous life, save their physical appearance, and there was certainly no shortage of them.

“Try me again!” I shouted at the next biggest one, a gnarly brute called Mannadr who had survived my spars for quite some time. He currently was my ultimate goal.

He came at me, sword raised, feet pounding loudly on the hard-packed earth. He swung, aiming for my head, but I dodged the blow and dropped hard to one knee, bringing my sword around in an arc towards his right leg.

  The blade did not meet flesh, however, for he swiftly dodged my blow. I gritted my teeth, leaping to my feet as he turned and attempted once again to decapitate me, likely in some blind revenge for his fallen comrade.

Ultimately, he did not succeed, and like his unfortunate friends before him, lay dying his second death upon the ground. I grinned triumphantly to myself, staring into his eyes as the dullness there became duller and his jaw went slack and his mouth fell open to reveal the blackened stumps of his teeth and whatever shriveled flesh remained of his tongue. I withdrew my sword from his chest just as his skin began to crack and turn greyer.

As soon as I finished wiping his blood on the bottom of my boot, a shout drew my attention.

“My lord!”

It was Ganglati, Hel’s slow-moving manservant and occasional fuck toy.

“What?” I barked.

“Her Majesty requests your presence.”

“Tell her I’m busy,” I replied flatly, turning away and wiping my brow. I would avoid her if I could, and it wasn’t as if Ganglati could do anything.

“It is urgent,” he insisted, though his voice was bland as always. “The queen demands it.”

I rolled my eyes, but did not further acknowledge him. I went to begin another spar, but before I could shout at one of the remaining guards, suddenly I felt Ganglati’s hand around my arm and I turned, shocked to see him standing right next to me.

“The queen demands it,” he repeated, insipid gaze focused on me.

“Alright, alright,” I snapped unnervingly, not wanting to ask how he had gotten across the training yard so quickly.

I handed my sword to the guard by the weapon rack and headed towards the palace. I was annoyed at being summoned. The next meeting was not for another four days and I knew not why Hel would need to speak with me like this so suddenly.

After everything had come to light months ago—or whatever I assumed to be months with the changing of the light in the sky, it could have been much longer or shorter—I had grown an aversion to Hel, likely much to the delight of her mother and my lover, Angrboda. It was not that I hated Hel, but it was that I almost felt sorry for her and did not wish to further complicate things between us by being around her often.

“Where is Hel?” I demanded as Ganglati trailed far behind me, despite his show of sudden dexterity minutes before.

“Her chambers, my lord,” he called out.

I was there in minutes. I went past her guards, threw the doors open, and found Hel standing by her large window. She turned and smiled, which she had not done to me in so long.

“Father.”

“What is it?” I asked, somewhat shortly.

“I have a gift for you,” she answered, suspiciously cheerful.

Her words caught me off guard. Immediately I was wary.

“I was just in the training yard—”

Hel breezed up to me, took my hand, and turned to lead me towards her bedchamber.

“Did you kill any guards?”

My skin crawled at her touch. After learning of Hel’s rather iniquitous feelings for me, I felt uneasy at her proximity.

“Yes, two.”

“Wonderful,” she said brightly, in her normal gritty rasp.

Now she stopped at the closed doors and turned to face me, withdrawing her hand and abruptly appearing remorseful.

“Before we proceed, I would like to say that I am sorry if I have offended you in any way,” she admitted. “I did not mean for things to change so between us. I do not like how we have been lately and hope we may overcome this.”

“Er…”

“I hope sincerely that this will make it up to you,” she continued with a blossoming smile, pushing the doors open and leading me inside.

“Hel—”

“Look what I have for you, Father.”

My eyes were drawn immediately across the room towards the fireplace, and I was surprised to see a woman standing there in a faded white dress with her back to us. At the sound of Hel’s voice, however, the woman turned, and something like a jolt went through me.

She was very beautiful, with pale grey eyes and full lips. Her hair was a lovely light gold and fell in pretty waves over her shoulders and down to her waist, which was cinched with a thin, plain brown belt. She tilted her head ever so slightly, lips twitching upwards in a small smile of what appeared to strangely be apperception.

I stared at her for a long, bewildering moment, searching her eyes, oblivious now to Hel’s idiotic grin. There was something in the back of my mind suddenly, clawing its way to the forefront, screaming to be recognized, and when it hit me the useless breath left my lungs and the darkness in my mind receded and I knew her.

I was across the room in seconds, a warmth like I had not felt in so long blooming inside me, filling my stomach and chest and limbs as I enfolded her into my arms, heard my name fall from her now trembling lips followed by a sob of what I recognized as happiness.

I tangled my fingers in her hair, pulling so I could see her face, her lovely, wonderful, beautiful face, the most beautiful face I had ever seen, and I was kissing her lips, her nose, her forehead and eyelids and chin, anywhere I could reach.

She smiled and pulled me close as I buried my face into her neck, breathing her in. She did not smell like she always had, but then again could I even remember? She only smelled cold, if cold had a smell—even her hair did not smell like anything.

“Stjarna,” I said, grinning widely, feeling my own eyes sting with tears. I could not think to stammer anything but her name, her name which to my eternal regret I had almost forgotten. “Stjarna, Stjarna…”

I pulled back to look at her again and saw tears streaming down her face, and it was only then when I finally registered the deadly pallor of her skin. My brows furrowed in concern as I gently ran my thumb over her cool, wet cheek.

“Stjarna?”

I turned to Hel, anger rising suddenly in me like a wave.

“Why is she here?” I demanded furiously. It was a leap, but with how shrewdly Hel had been smirking, presenting Stjarna to me as a “gift,” led me to believe she’d had something to do with this.

Hel quirked an eyebrow. “She died, obviously.”

I stared at her.

“No, Loki,” Stjarna said, and her voice sent a rivulet of pleasure through me, momentarily quelling the anger inside me. She took my face in her hands and I couldn’t tear my eyes from hers, shiny with tears. “I was in Vanaheim—”

“Vanaheim? Why were you in Vanaheim?”

“I…” she faltered, appearing almost pained. “After you killed Freyja, Valdrlund demanded recompense. Thor had no choice…”

“I don’t understand…”

Her lips trembled. “I was… I was the recompense, Loki…”

“Thor gave you to him?” I growled, gritting my teeth.

“He had to,” she said sadly. “I did not want to go, but there was nothing to be done. Valdrlund threatened war.”

Suddenly, something awful took form in my mind, banishing this warmth inside and filling me instead with this cold dread.

“Did he… what did he…” I placed my hands on hers on my cheeks, staring at her in worry.

“I did it, Loki,” Stjarna said, managing a quivering smile. “I killed him.”

My lips parted in surprise.

“We were… we were…” she glanced down now, reluctant to speak. “He insulted you and I grew so angry, Loki, for all he had done and I… I…”

“Oh, Stjarna,” I breathed, closing my eyes and pressing my forehead to hers, worry churning sickeningly inside me. “Did they hurt you?”

“No. They were going to execute me, but…” Stjarna’s large grey eyes flickered over to Hel, who tilted her head and shrewdly curtsied when acknowledged.

“Hel?”

“I paid her a little visit in prison,” Hel explained nonchalantly. “It was no trouble.”

So that was where Hel had been this morning.

I turned back to Stjarna, knowing not whether to feel rage for her having died by the hands of my daughter, or joy for her standing here with me.

“You may go,” Hel said, not bothering to mask her arrogant smile, as I took Stjarna’s hand and led her out. “I’m sure you two have a lot to catch up on.”

Her harsh laughter rang out as the doors closed resoundingly behind us.

__

I could not stop looking at her, even as I led her slowly and aimlessly around Eljudnir.

I was remembering every aspect of her features, both saddened and upset with myself that I could have dared to forget any part of her. Her laugh, her smile, the way her hand felt against me or lips upon mine.

It was as if something had opened up inside me, something I could not explain, and every waking moment from then on I needed to be with her, to remind me of the light and love I had lost and so desperately wanted back, everything I had forgotten and wanted to remember.

I had Stjarna recount to me everything that had happened since my death, which I learned had been less than two years ago. Stjarna possessed a much heartier memory than I had when I had come here, but I suspected it had something to do with the way she had died and Hel being the one to have personally brought her here to Helheim.

As she spoke I studied her face, the way her lips formed every syllable, her hand movements, and I was conjuring memories I believed to have been permanently buried or even gone. The tiniest details began to emerge from my subconscious with every word and I wanted to be angry for all that had transpired after my death to my beloved Vana, and that we should be reunited in such a dreadful place, but I could hardly evoke the emotion with her standing so real in front of me, all smiles and void of any negativity.

She was here now, and we were together again.

“Tell me of this place,” Stjarna said as we walked around the edge of the palace, lacing her fingers with mine. “Hel did not say much.”

And so I told her of Helheim, a bleak and lonely realm divided into nine regions where the dead resided, domed by a sky that wasn’t a sky, but still by some magic gave the appearance of night and day. I spoke of our life here, and much in the same way Hel had explained everything to me when I had come here.

How these forms we possessed were not our actual bodies, but what was left of our souls manifested physically here. We still behaved like the living—eating, drinking, carousing, and even breathing, despite the fact we did not need to.

I laughed when Stjarna tried it and was startled upon realizing she did not have to actually breathe, but preferred to like the rest of us to retain some semblance of our life.

Inevitably, she inquired about Hel and Angrboda.

At that point we were headed back to my chambers, having inadvertently explored most of the grounds.

“Hel is queen here.”

“And she is your daughter.”

“Yes.”

“By Angrboda?”

“Yes.”

Stjarna was quiet for a long moment.

“Hel told me Angrboda was here, as well.”

I nodded, not really wanting to speak of Angrboda for the shame coursing through me now. Could I bear to tell her I had taken up with my giantess again? But of course I could not stay with Angrboda.

I did not speak on it.

“These are my chambers,” I announced when we finally reached them. I opened the door, praying Angrboda was elsewhere.

Stjarna entered and I shut the door behind me and quietly locked it, in case Angrboda decided to drop in any time soon. I’d have to find her later, tell her we were done. I almost found it surprising, how entirely I had devoted myself to her, and seemingly felt nothing now that Stjarna was here. Angrboda would not be pleased with my fleeting emotions.

Stjarna walked around, quietly studying my rooms.

“It is similar to your chambers on Asgard,” she remarked softly.

My eyes followed her as she continued her slow, investigatory procession around the room, touching various things. I was surprised somewhat at her comment, that here she should remember so trivial a fact, though it was strangely comforting to hear those words.

“Some things are different, though it is much the same,” she observed, wandering out to the balcony. “I will get used to it, though.”

“You will, as did I,” I answered, coming up behind her to wrap my arms around her waist.

“Are you happy here, Loki?”

“I am now,” I replied, kissing her cheek from behind.

“It almost does not seem real,” she mused somberly, leaning into me. “I did not think I would ever see you again.”

I only kissed her, hopefully offering some comfort, and unwilling to admit I had nearly forgotten her. I wondered if I had ever been this ashamed in my previous life. I doubted it.

“I am glad Hel brought me here, though,” Stjarna continued, turning in my arms to face me. She cupped my face and lifted up on her toes to gently kiss my lips. “It matters not where I am, as long as I am with you.”

I grinned, soaking up her words, and did not think I could wait any longer.

Stjarna giggled knowingly as I pulled her backwards into my chambers, drawing her tight against me so I could rain kisses eagerly across her face. She just as fervently returned my affections, and we lay together for the first time in seemingly forever, and in the end it was as if nothing had changed between us, save for the ceasing of our hearts.

My Stjarna was so different from Angrboda. There was something in her kisses not present in Angrboda’s, warmth in her eyes instead of cold pitilessness, the way she gasped my name so filled with reverence, clutching at me as if I was the source of her existence, and how afterwards when we lay breathless, still entwined, she enfolded herself into me and told me how much she loved me.

Since neither of us wished to be anywhere but here with the other, Stjarna and I remained in my chambers the rest of the afternoon and all through the evening and night—talking, joking, reminiscing and making love. It was the happiest I had been since I could remember, and in those moments could not imagine what possibly might come next. But for now, I hardly cared.

__

Some days passed, all of them in a haze.

I came to peace quite quickly with Stjarna’s arrival. Of course I was delighted to have her with me again, but initially had hardly known who to be furious with. Valdrlund for daring to claim her and abuse her, or Thor for sending her off to Vanaheim in the first place; Hel for bringing Stjarna here, or Stjarna for being more than happy to die to be with me again.

Stjarna assured me repeatedly that all was well and she was happy, when I began to think of it and would grow angry all over again. Eventually, I tried to not think of it like that, and only considered the fact that Stjarna was here with me again.

Hel thought it all quite amusing, commenting laughingly that she would never have expected me to behave in such a manner. I cared not, though—Stjarna was here and was all I could think of. We spent every waking moment together.

One day I was strolling around the grounds with Stjarna. A dry breeze was blowing, occasionally whipping up the dusty ground.

“Loki?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yes, anything.”

Stjarna appeared reluctant and we stopped.

“Is Valdrlund here?”

I was silent for a moment.

“Hel explained it to me like this. All are equal here, no matter what we were in our past life. He is here, but he likely does not remember any of his past life. If he does, he will soon forget it.”

“Why do I not?” she asked curiously. “I have heard this, but I remember everything.”

I looked up, thinking.

“Perhaps it was the way you died. I will admit, Stjarna, I was forgetting much of my life until you came here. Oddly enough you being with me now reminds me of much of it.”

She smiled. “That is a good thing?”

I grinned at her and took her hand in mine, continuing to walk. “That is a very good thing.”

“My parents are here, aren’t they?”

“Yes, as are mine.”

I had thought of them, Frigga and Odin. Sometimes it pained me to think they were here, that though we might be so close, I might never see them, and they might not even remember me. It seemed amazing how drastically things had changed, and how much initially I had forgotten even of them. I knew in my life I had loved and revered Odin, and at one time reviled him, but nothing seemed so important anymore. I knew if I could, I might embrace him again if I saw him, and my mother…

“I wonder if they found one another here,” Stjarna wondered. “I wonder if they are happy.”

I knew not how to reply to that, and Stjarna appeared saddened.

By now we had reached the training grounds. There was not a soul in sight, but then again there never was unless I was training.

“Is there war here?” Stjarna asked, gazing inquisitively at a weapon rack.

“No. The most conflict in this place is between individuals.”

“So why did you build this?”

“I was bored.”

Stjarna laughed. “Well, I am glad there is a library. I never thought there would be a library in the realm of the dead.”

I smiled, but Stjarna wasn’t looking at me anymore. I followed her suddenly somber gaze across the training yard and my guts immediately tightened.

Standing serenely by herself on the path on the other side of the yard, and staring at us, was Angrboda.

I highly doubted she had been strolling around Eljudnir by herself and just so happened to end up at the training ground the same time as us.

“Is that Angrboda?” Stjarna asked softly.

I looked at her, almost not wishing to admit it.

“Yes.”

Stjarna gave a small nod and did not resist as I hooked her arm with mine and turned us to continue our walk in the direction we had just come from.

Having them speak was the last thing I wanted, if only to spare Stjarna the sordid details I knew Angrboda would only be too happy to divulge.

__

A few days later, there was a meeting of representatives.

I slipped out of bed, readied, and kissed Stjarna before leaving. She stretched, smiling at me as I told her I would be gone for a few hours, but I would be back soon.

The meeting was boring, as usual. Nothing of interest, though Hel did snap at Gaumr when he interrupted her and spoke a little too sharply to another representative.

Afterwards, I headed back to my chambers, eager to slip back into bed with Stjarna.

I rounded a corner and was only momentarily surprised to see Angrboda leaning against a column, obviously waiting for me.

“Good morning,” she purred, eyes locked on me. By her expression it did not appear to truly be a good morning.

“Angrboda,” I coolly acknowledged.

“This might be a bit of a leap, Loki, but… I do think you’ve been avoiding me.”

“You’re just now noticing that?” I dismissed, going to brush past her.

“Busy with that new plaything of yours?”

I stopped, unable to help the smile that spread involuntarily across my face.

“Are you jealous, darling?” I smirked, turning with somewhat of an arrogant flourish.

The corner of her lips twitched, but then she returned my smile and sauntered deliberately up to me.

“Why would I be jealous, Loki? I know she cannot possibly satisfy you as I did.”

I laughed, amused at the notion, when Angrboda stepped closer and placed her hand on my chest.

“You don’t look at her like you do me, I see it.”

“Then you are blind as well as ignorant,” I retorted. “There is no one I look at as I do you, but it is not with what you want, Angrboda.”

“So what were all of those heated declarations, Loki? When you told me you loved me and I was all there was?”

“Chalk it up to my being drunk on death, darling,” I replied tautly.

Angrboda was not amused.

“Would she see it as such?” she asked, running her fingers down my arm.

I pulled away, vaguely annoyed.

“You do not love her as you do me.”

“You’re right,” I replied, attempting somewhat to mask my true emotion. It almost pained me to admit it, but some part of me loved Angrboda. I had admitted it to myself long ago, and to her multiple times, in the dark of the night and clouded in lust and headiness, but it was not the type of love I held for Stjarna. It was a love I was more than willing to leave to die.

“Why do you partake in this foolishness?” she demanded, suddenly heated, when I went to turn, realizing she was losing whatever was left of this useless conversation. “Why do you waste your time on that Vana wench?”

“I am not wasting my time,” I retorted. “But you are. You and I, we’re through.”

Angrboda’s brows slightly lifted, but other than that there was nothing else to betray her emotion.

“You spurn me for her?”

“It was always her, Angrboda,” I replied, somewhat exasperated. “I—”

“You think Hel did you a favor, Loki?” Angrboda snarled, baring her sharpened teeth. “You think she did this out of love?”

“Absolutely not,” I responded immediately, unwilling to fall into Angrboda’s baiting. “Whatever manifests itself in Hel is not love.”

I had not spoken much to Hel since Stjarna’s arrival here in Helheim, but then again had been pretty much taken up with Stjarna and been able to think of little else. I did not dismiss Angrboda’s accusation, though. I had no doubt Hel had done this simply to spite her mother, whom she hated.

“Of course she killed your lover only to torment me.”

“What, can you not to stand to lose me, Angrboda?” I laughed. “It is almost comical. You finally have me after so long, and now I’m snatched away again.”

That must’ve been the wrong thing to say to an angry giantess; I did not flinch or recoil as she came quickly forward and roughly took a fistful of my tunic in her hands, pulling me close.

“Are you spited, love?” I taunted.

She pressed her lips together, black eyes narrowed dangerously.

“You think me jealous of that her, Loki? She is naught more than a distraction.”

“From what?” I goaded.

“Your true purpose.”

I chuckled, realizing. Angrboda believed Hel had given Stjarna to me to prevent Angrboda’s grand scheme for me, one of the reasons she had gifted me the sword Laevantinn. Occupied these past days with Stjarna, I had practically forgotten Angrboda’s lust for me to go to war for her against the world, to lead an army of the dead against those who had wronged her.

“You laugh, but you cannot see,” she spat.

“And what is it that I do not see?” I asked tightly, reaching to disentangle her fingers from my tunic.

“Your destiny,” Angrboda growled. “Fucking her will not stop it.”

“The only destiny you hope for me will never come to be,” I said firmly. “And whatever there is left of it, you are no longer a part of it.”

I turned to leave, but before I could make it even a step, abruptly I felt Angrboda’s iron grip on my shoulder and she jerked me backwards and spun me around to confront her fury.

“You will not spurn me for that Vana whore!”

“Do not touch me, Angrboda,” I bit out, any semblance of restraint vanished with her hostility towards Stjarna.

“Do not think that I won’t—”

But before Angrboda could spit another word out, my hand was around her throat and her back to the wall. I dug my fingers into her neck, pressing the length of my forearm firmly against her front to keep her still.

“You will stay away from her,” I growled, staring fixedly into the angry, inky blackness of her eyes. “If you dare to touch her, I will kill you, and not even our daughter will be able to save you.”

Her gaze was cold, wrathful.

“Only for you, lover.”

I remained motionless, debating on whether to describe to her in lurid detail the endless agony I might inflict on her if she were to carry out any harm against Stjarna, but then I had no doubt Angrboda already had some idea what might befall her if she were to proceed with any part of her vengeful deliberations.

I roughly released her, turned on my heel, and returned to my chambers, where I found Stjarna still sleeping peacefully.

__

A few days later, Stjarna and I were relaxing in my chambers.

We had spent nearly the entire morning in bed before requesting for food to be brought. The remains of our little midday meal lay on my table. I lounged in bed, finishing a glass of dark red wine. For the realm of the dead, Helheim’s vineyard produced remarkably delicious wines.

Stjarna was standing at the open window, a fairly sheer robe wrapped around her, hands poised lightly on the sill. Soon after Stjarna’s arrival, I had requested of Hel a wardrobe made for Stjarna. I would not have my lover dressed here forever in her death shroud. She was staring outside, watching the rain fall and turning the already barren landscape even greyer.

“It rains here,” Stjarna murmured.

“Yes, I believe there is some enchantment over this place,” I replied from the bed. “It certainly does help with the monotony.”

“I’m glad it rains,” she said. In her voice I detected a hint of sadness, so I set the glass of wine on the bedside table and got up to stand behind her. I wrapped my arms around Stjarna and she melted into my embrace.

“Why do you like that it rains?” I inquired.

She shrugged.

“It is just something else like up there.”

“Ah,” I said, somewhat uncertainly. Then, tentatively, masking the tinge of worry, “Are you unhappy here?”

“No,” she replied, turning in my arms. She cupped my face in her hands and offered me a small, reassuring smile. “I am simply thinking about my family.”

“Konavefr and Dreyma and the boys?” I offered. I suspected Stjarna’s step-mother and sister-in-law and nephews still resided in Asgard.

She nodded. “I wonder if they… if they know…”

I kissed her forehead. “There’s no way to tell, but I’d suspect not.”

She gave a little nod and let her hands fall slowly to my chest. “It is almost comforting to know that.”

“I am sorry,” I murmured.

“It cannot be helped,” she replied with a small smile. “I am only grateful we are together again.”

I placed a gentle kiss on her lips, then her nose, and swallowed.

“Stjarna?”

“Hmm?” She murmured, leaning into me and moving her hands around my sides to my back.

I hesitated.

Shortly after Stjarna had arrived here in Helheim, and we had begun reminiscing over all that happened, I had recalled that shortly before my death, I had asked Stjarna to marry me. I had not spoken of it, but constantly it was nagging at the back of my mind.

But I could remember now Stjarna’s reaction in Asgard, and did not hesitate now.

“Will you marry me?”

There was a brief silence, then she pulled back to stare at me. Her lips were parted in surprise and I grinned amusedly, moving to grab her hands and lace her fingers with mine.

“We were not able to get quite that far, if you remember…”

“I remember,” she whispered, lips curling into a smile. “You still want to marry me?”

At that, I burst into laughter.

“What kind of question is that? Of course I still want to marry you, Stjarna. I always wanted to, I was just too stupid to realize it for most of the time.”

Stjarna echoed my laughter and it was music to my ears.

“Yes, Loki, I will marry you.”

#tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fanfiction #loki #loki fanfiction #thfrustration #stjarnavetr #stjarnavetr part 2 #renlem #angst #established relationship #multis #mature #submission #TRIGGER WARNING #language #graphic violence #lemon

[jenosweave]

going to hogwarts w/ jaemin !

requested by anon!

talented. brilliant. incredible. amazing. show stopping. spectacular. never the same. totally unique.

basics

house: gryffindor

year: 3

patronus: dolphin

favorite class: defense against the dark arts

extra info: promotes the welfare of muggle-borns and half bloods by writing speeches and speaking before different executives among the department of magic. is also in knitting club so he can make his friends cute matching sweaters

personality

the nicest boy you could ever meet

is really just so caring

never lets anyone sit alone during lunch and always invites over kids to sit with him and his friends

stands up against discrimination

a bi icon but you didn’t hear that from me

countless rumors of him dating jeno that he “can neither confirm nor deny”

jeno denies it

has friends in every house

everyone likes him, it’s hard not to there is one exception but we’ll get to that

writes really sweet encouraging notes for his friends to find when they’re stressed over a test

everyone wonders why he’s not a huff bc he’s so sweet and cares so much

but then he threatens to beat someones ass after insulting a muggle born and everyone’s reminded he’s super bold and brave

has challenged some dumbass bitches to a couple duels

is undefeated

the dueling club leader BEGS him to join but with knitting club and all his studies? i think the fuck not!

kinda clingy with his friends

has cuddled with all his roommates before

soft baby

warms the hearts of all his teachers

a really good student tbh

relationship

les get it

basically, one day

jaemin really wasn’t feeling all too confident on a test everyone was gonna have in defense against the dark arts the following week

so he went to the class to beg his teacher to re-explain a concept to him that he couldn’t understand even after a fucking 20 min discussion abt it

his plan was to go during lunch and harass his teacher then

so, he set off during lunch and surprisingly found the door to be unlocked as normally he has to BEAT on the door to get his teacher to open it

and that’s where he found YOU

wand in hand

shaking wildly

with a fucking butterfly in front of you

and you struggling to cast the spell riddikulus

he BURST out laughing and caused his presence to be known

the teacher noticed him and placed the boggart back in the wardrobe and you were BRIGHT ASS RED

this super cute gryffindor just saw that you’re scared of BUTTERFLIES it was so embarrassing

and from that point on jaemin basically harassed you everytime he saw you

he called you “butterfly” and deadass won’t leave you alone and his friends and your friends always question you two about it and you choose NOT to say what happened

“y/n omg when did you meet that cute gryffindor? whats his name?”

“jaemin??? butterfly???? wtf?????”

and eventually it kinda dies down but he still makes little faces at you when yall see each other in the hallways or in between classes

you kinda wanna like talk to him... but he just really intimidates you.... like hes so pretty and funny and sweet and that just scares the shit out of you

so... you decide to take a different route and kinda... ask the defense against the dark arts teacher for a tutor bc you’re f*iling and need a pick me up

maybe you request jaemin omo but you BEG him not to tell jaemin that bc you’re like INTO him into him and you don’t wanna be weird or seem weird lol hahah

so the professor called yall into his office to discus it w/ yall (jaemin got fucking SCARED bc he thought yall were abt to get expelled for the teasing and almost shat himself 👇🤪👇)

and when he explained the situation jaemin was secretly like really happy

and you knew the teasing would worsen but you didnt really regret your request bc jaemins cute and funny!!!1!

the next day yall met in the library and it was highkey awkward

like yall just avoided eye contact and kinda sat there but you decided to break the silence

“um,,,,” your sudden words made him shoot up to look at you “how are you uh,,,.. liking dada so far?”

and unbeknownst to you... a beast was unleashed

but you found it oddly endearing how his eyes frantically searched the room as to figure out how to make his thought coherent and how his smile shown through his words and ESPECIALLY how his hands flailed around as he spoke

it made you deadass uwu and giggle and you guys just talked for hours and hours

like yall didnt get shit done mood

and like jaemin was like HIGHKEY so cute and it made your heart beat at a million beats and it didnt help that yall kinda became inseparable after that took place

like you two were so compatible and alike that like being with other people was so..... weird

not to mention that all the time you spent with the boy helped you catch feelings like drake omo XD

he made your heart race and you couldnt just like all of sudden tell him so you push it to the back of your mind for now

until his friends lowkey start hinting that he likes you like at least jeno tries to be subtle... hyuck just blurts it out

“hey y/n! lovely morning we’re having! oh and btw, jaemin likes u! see you in potions!”

so now that his friends have been hinting at it, you start getting like..,,,, really flustered around him

like you constantly blush and are at a loss for words when he hugs you now

like UGH feelings suck

soon, christmas rolls around and you weren’t able to spend it with your relatives :( so you had to stay at hogwarts and kinda just hang around

but then!!! before all your friends left (a lot of jaemins friends were now your friends too lmao) hyuck deadass whispered in your ear

“jaemin is staying here during christmas too for certain reasons uwu have fun!!”

and then he ran away skxjsjc

the days leading up until christmas,

you spent a lot of your time studying but rarely any of it with jaemin :(

it kinda sucked bc you were having withdrawals from not seeing your bestest friend

however! you finally ran into him where he was for the past couple days you had no clue and he asked if you two could spend christmas together :(

obviously you agreed and thus you counted down the next couple days until christmas finally arrived

you two planned on eating breakfast together and then was when you would exchange gifts !!!!

nervous doesnt even begin to describe how you were feeling bitch ooOjdjd

you saw him already sitting at the gryffindor table with a big ass bag and when he waved at you??? with that big ass smile on his face????? oh my GOD!!!!!!!! butterflies!!!!!!!!!!!

you felt kinda self conscious since your gift bag was literally a fifth the size of his, but you carried on and sat at the empty space across from him

you guys ate and caught up on what had been going on (why he had been afk for fucking days)

and when that topic was finally brought up he let out a sigh and reached for the gift bag and took a woolly sweater out and handed you what remained

“now! open it!!”

and in there was a pastel yellow sweater with the word ‘yes’ knitted in black

uhhhh???? you were so confused???? what does yes mean????? and right when you looked up to ask, jaemin pulled on the other sweater he took out of the bad and put it on himself

it was the same overall pastel yellow with black text... but the words were different and your jaw DROPPED

‘will you go out with me?’

BITCH YOU WERE SO SHOOK YOU ALMOST STARTED CRYING LIKE OH MY GOOOOOOOD

and that was when the power couple of hogwarts started

everyones been knew you two liked eat other hyuck said “its abt damn time”

anyway!!!!! yall are so cute like he walks you to class and even the teachers think you guys are just the cutest thing ever and when you told your friends???? they were SCREAMING like you got such an amazing guy UGH your mind

all i’m saying is... dating jaemin is like dating your really clingy and attractive best friend and you aint mad abt it

uwu that’s all for now!!! if you’d like to request another member.. our ask box is open!

#jaemin #na jaemin #nct #nct dream #nct scenarios #nct dream scenarios #jaemin scenarios #kpop #kpop scenarios #m: jaemin #uwu! this was fun to write pls send more #m

[cannibalisticshadows]

Nightcall (1/2)

Inspired and named after the song “Nightcall” by Kavinsky 

Rating: T

Pairing: Megamind/Roxanne

Tags: Angst with a happy ending. 

Summary: Megamind can’t take it anymore. He has to tell her.

(ao3 link) | (part 2)

He’s sick.

It’s shameful how badly the words sit on his tongue, begging as if it’s life or death to be said. And it’s sick. So, so sick. Evil gods above, common sense screamed that everything about this was wrong on a million levels. Though “common sense” never applied to him much, this was a boundary even he was unwilling to cross. Their relationship was professional!

But how can he help it when he sees her walk away, hips swaying side to side like a metronome that seems to beat to his heart. He wants to cry out from the tugging at his soul the farther she is from him.

So, he supposes that’s why he’s always taking her. Mr. Tighty-Whities goes out and entertains hundreds of woman, but there’s only one woman that’s worth the effort.

These day’s he’s taking her more frequently. Half-assed schemes be damned, all he cares now is seeing her face again, right in front of him and not on television. To hear her voice being spoken just for him, tones low and seductive and just for him.

Temptress...

He can’t even...

He digs his fingernails into his palms so hard that even through the kid leather it hurts. He can feel it behind his gums, unsoothable even with his own tongue, which drools with the mere thought of being allowed to touch her in the most chase of ways.

The need to have her to himself has become overpowering. He writes out absurdly poor or well-thought-out plans just for the sake of telling Minion to fetch Ms. Ritchi. Once every-other week has become weekly.

Weekly incidents have become twice, or even thrice, a week.

“Are you okay?” She asks suddenly, tied to her chair and being quieter than usual. No. No that’s not right. She’s supposed to be talking about the plan. Taunting him. Bantering with him. Why isn’t she!? "You kinda seem... tired."

He nervously runs his hands down the crappy built control system of today’s Evil Scheme. It’s cold here, biting at his exposed skin, but the heat of his desperate, sick want keeps him heated. Bitting into his lower lip, he hunches over the buttons and knobs with his back turned to her. But he watches her from the little mirror he put beside him.

“I am ecstatic,” he says with false, half-mad cheer. “Today is the day Metro Man will die.”

“Wow,” she says mildly. She pauses. “Never hear a death threat before.” Despite her tone they both know it’s true. He usually says defeat. Is she frightened for once? Nowadays he’s not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. He bites harder, this time on the tip of his tongue.

He tastes metallic, and it burns his throat.

“Just shut up and be a damsel for once?” He sneers, baring his teeth and turning around to show her. He’s angry at himself, not her.

But it makes Roxanne jolt in her seat, comically surprised. Then she goes still, eyes wide with... Something. He can't read her. Always guessing, with her. She doesn’t respond, but shrinks a bit in her chair, glowering at him with suspicion.

It’s a weird feeling to drawl out this reaction from her.

~.~.~

He’s becoming more desperate to help his vice. Withdrawal starts the second Wayne throws him into prison, keeping him quiet and brewing over the duration of his stay. The guards notice; they steer clear of him.

No one is surprised when he breaks out not twenty-four hours later, snarling at the one puny guard who dares to raise a gun at him when he comes charging out.

Minion, barely given the warning he’s breaking out on his own, manages to catch him a few miles away from the prison he’s running from.

He’s sick. Still sick. Still wants to barrel himself through this confusing life with the little bits of the drug that’s pretty much the only thing keeping him afloat. An unquenchable hunger that has nothing to do with food, and it gnaws at him like a flesh-eating parasite. And it’s so, so wrong. He shouldn’t be feeling like this. Shouldn’t be physically shaking everything she moans his name in tiredness at yet another kidnapping. Shouldn’t be crying into his pillow at night because he wants to hear her voice outside of the television.

Kidnappings are more frequent. At the third kidnapping this week, Roxanne is barely awake which slightly pisses him off. This is a two-person job. He can’t just broadcast their trysts with her snoozing!!! He wants to grab this little woman by the shoulders and shake her—gently—because he just wants to talk to her.

Curse his alien psychology. Because he damn well knows what is happening to him. He knows why he’s resorted to spending more time in his room, biting at his own flesh because he can’t have what he wants. No. What he needs. Minion is starting to catch on, a bit, and Megamind cannot let that happen. No. No he doesn’t feel anything more than an annoyance for Ms. Ritchi, Minion! I am not falling into the same cycle my ancestors did!

He has to convince himself that his tone is somewhat convincing. Because it isn’t.

Tonight he’s determined to do it better. Today’s kidnapping ended before it even began, thanks to a sloppily build machine. It ended with a bitter, nasty remark at her choice in dress. He feels like a boy on schoolgrounds, tugging at the cute girl’s hair to get her attention.

But anyway. He fixed the machine and he demands a do-over. Tonight. At this very moment.

She’s at home, according to one of his spy-bots. not gonna admit that he’s so wretched over his own alien heart he’s started to spy on her in an indirect way.

He’s already on his hoverbike, because Minion, bless him, finally passed out from being worked too hard. He’s getting really close to Roxanne’s place when—

“Oh, no you don’t,” says a disapproving, gruff voice.

Snatched out of the air, his bike’s handles caught in the same beefy hands used to grab his collar, Megamind finds himself dangling and flailing his limbs.

Fucking Wayne. Fucking fucking fucking Wayne. What does he have to do at this time of night around Roxanne’s place, the bloody creep.

Oh. No. Megamind’s the creep, he viciously realizes, eyes ablaze with fury. Wayne’s the perfect boyfriend. Fuck him, Megamind weeps internally.

“Listen, little buddy,” the meat-head starts, pissing off the other alien even more. “You’ve kidnapped Roxie four times this week. What’s your problem?”

“You are my problem,” he hisses vehemently. “Let go!”

“No,” Wayne sighed, flying off closer to her apartment. Still spitting curses, but also rather confused, because why bring him to his destination when he was usually dropped off at the prison when caught? “You need to see this.”

Wayne drops him on the balcony without delicacy, making Megamind hand on his side with the air sucked out of him. Huffing, he stands and wipes dust off him. He breathes in, catching the faint vegetation scent of her potted plants.

His long-time enemy lands beside him on his white-clad toes, staring inside of the glass doors. Peeved, he meets where his gaze lands.

It’s Roxanne. Yes, she is home, and not at all conscious.

She’s still dressed in the same outfit from earlier; a sleeveless, deep wine-red—almost black—dress that flared at the knees, hugging her hips and derrière like a godforsaken glove. She looked good enough to drink. He couldn’t take his eyes off her, earlier,

That could have been a terrible, terrible tease if she hadn’t spent the duration of their short encounter today falling asleep. Why was she so tired lately?

She’s conked out on her red couch, one leg hiked up over the back of the couch, the other hanging off with her heal barely hanging onto her big toe. Her hair is completely disheveled, her mouth parted open as she drools slightly onto the couch’s fabric. One of her arms is curled up behind her hair, with the other hanging off the side of the couch.

And with that hand she’s gripping onto a bottle of wine. Her mascara has smeared down her face like black veins.

“You need to back off a bit,” Wayne said, his heroism voice gone and replaced with something that actually sounded human. It made things a hundred times worse because Megamind knew what his problem was.

He stood and stared at his poor Roxanne. Why. What the fuck is wrong with him!?

Wayne grabbed him by the collar before he could linger another moment, and he’s being thrown back into prison, to the bewilderment of the Warden. Can’t blame the old man; everyone could see Megamind was finally losing his marbles. He could see the thoughts in their eyes.

But as he sat in his cell, the tv on but muted, familiar orange jumpsuit scratchy against his sensitive blue skin, he thought over this hell of a month. He was sick of this. Sick of his wretched alien secret of this… need.

It should be below him. It should be abolished from his DNA; a trait his pre-evolved ancestors needed for… things. He was a scientist; an evil genius; a lone wolf. He shouldn’t be made weak by the simple, kind smile of a blue-eyed reporter.

Yet he was.

And he knew what he had to do.

Before it destroyed him.

#megamind #nightcall #song inspired #megarox #avi writes

[ariesbilly]

Tell me about fp going through withdrawls 😩

oh fp going through withdrawals was ROUGH. and he had to go through it in prison.... oof

his moods were the absolute worst. any little thing would set him off and often times war baby had to step in to explain to somebody what was going on and maybe threaten them so fp wouldnt get his ass beat for mouthing off. so yeah, irritability was a big one

then there was the shaking and the sweating. he was constantly sweating, always felt like his skin was on fire. he’d be tossing and turning in his cot all night because he couldnt get comfortable from being so hot and sticky, plus sleep was coming to him easy anyway. 

and then he’d be back and forth from the toilet all night throwing up whatever was in his stomach, which was often times nothing because the slop they were feeding him was absolutely not going down his throat.

he was a fucking wreck. would it have killed ras to show fp being a shaky sweaty mess trying to keep it together when jughead went for visits... i mean honestly.... fp was an alcoholic but lets just never show any actual symptoms of it! ok. hmmm its also nice to think about fp having to stand in line for roll call or something and he’s getting all dizzy and maybe passes out...

#briana answers things #fredheads

[cheetahleopard]

For the fanfic ask meme- H,L,M,S, and T. You don't have to answer all of them lol I just couldnt decide which I wanted to hear the answer to the most

H- How would you describe your style?My style (when I’m actually trying to write smth well) I would describe as poetic and kind of liminal-space-y in the way that time kind of stops as your chest compresses and you lose yourself in it 

When I’m writing smth more for fun than quality, I would like to say that I my fics have a quality that makes laughter bubble in your chest.

L- What’s the weirdest au you’ve ever come up with?

Hmmm I’m? Not really sure? I don’t really consider any of my AUs to be that unusual... The one that is completely unique, as in completely created by me, is my larthemae au

M- Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

Hhh so many fuck... 

Imma just.,.,,,,.... drop this...,.,.,,,,............. The room takes on a stale air, death a high implication with the way the room suddenly glows bright enough for the runes and sigils on the floor to seem shadows. A melody of hunted screams and groans fills the air. It’s a usual show of strength, melodramatic but with a purpose. It’s sometimes enough to disorient summoners into stumbling backwards out of their protective circle. Not this time, apparently. Reaching out with their senses, the room comes into focus. It’s less of a room and more of a structure. There’s no furniture and no embellishments. The floor is a concrete that they chill for maximum discomfort, while the walls seem to be a copper alloy, sparks of electricity coursing through it. That’s their way out.  They draw the moisture from the air, making it first unbearably humid for any human and letting it condense along the walls, dripping small zaps of electricity down to pool on the floor, connecting the summoning circle to the wall with water, electricity running through whoever made the mistake of summoning them. But there are no screams, and they aren’t released.  They reach out with their magic then, finding that there are two pulsing masses of magic in the circle across their own. Two familiar masses. Tooru withdraws all their effects and concentrates themself into a handsome humanoid form with horns and a tail, lounging on a conjured couch. “Makki, Mattsun,” they drawl, polite smile cutting, “why’d you bother summoning me when we could’ve had this chat at home?”

S- Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

Tropes are my weakness

my favorites would have to be college roommate+soulmate where they each separately find out by chance and don’t want to freak the other out and instead ignore it but find that they can’t stop falling for the other+mutuAL PINING TO THE MAX and yeah

T- Any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

 Ummm I can’t really think of any? I mean there are things that make me uncomfortable but none of them are so much tropes... Hmmmm I guess recreational drug use kind of low-key annoys me, because (in hq!! at least) these are ATHLETES, but I’ve seen some fics (cough RETROGRADE cough) that use it in a way that adds to the story

Also ableist stuff... like that’s kind of obvious but I’m putting it out here now... Please don’t write horror story mental hospital fics. Please don’t write mental hospital au fics unless you are mentally ill and/or have been to one. Please don’t demonize us.

#Avien answers #fic asks #Anonymous

[ithisatanytime]

   You know it has to be said, i reached out to skye because i felt like i was losing my mind, but not in the “im so stressed out” kind of way, because i literally lost my fucking mind for three months, bouts of complete psychosis, mania, absolutely lost touch with reality. it was the scariest most surreal experience of my life, and i have nothing to compare it to, and i cant even really talk about it because no one really has a frame of reference for this kind of shit, not even me. she was the only one who called back, i reached out to a lot of people, and nothing. even though we hadnt spoken for ten years, and back then the kind of shit we were putting each other through is just unbelievable, a lot of regret and resentment on both sides, yet she called me back.

  there is something special about her, i cant believe this fucking happened. i wish either we just didnt get the chance to talk that day, when i was losing my goddamn mind, or i wish i would have just stayed in the dream. what the fuck is the point of waking up from that nightmare the day after we stop talking again? just in time to deal with the shame and regret of what i said to her, luckily i dont remember most of it, i could go back and read the texts but man i cant even stomach it.

  it wasnt all the phenibut. my estrogen being out of control for a good four months or so played a part, but i have always struggled with anger issues. i definitely learned to manage it better in my mid twenties, to the point that i only really lost my temper a handful of times, when i was dating laura and that was pretty much it, but even that shocked me and filled me with shame. again though, a few incidents over the course of a decade is definitely progress. but the phenibut rage is its own fucking animal, maybe estrogen rage or a combo of the two i just dont know. i woke up furious, i was shouting from my room, they could hear me, all i could do was keep myself in my room but i was yelling so loud they could hear me for sure. they basically cleared out of the house. i was yelling at everyone, my grandpa even for god sake, he doesnt live with us, but i love my grandpa with all my heart, again caroline polachek from chairlift, etc.

 i very briefly got a hold of myself, i think because skye had texted me or something, i quickly left my room to try to make ammends, i told my sister i hope she didnt hear any of what i was saying, i started to explain that it was just the phenibut withdrawal and she stopped me saying she knew, she had read quite extensively about it. early on in this thing, when i realized suddenly i was physically dependent on phenibut, just how much phenibut i was on, and what that meant for me, i was destroyed. my sister was the only person i could confide in, and she could see how scared i was. i knew that my behavior was about to become erratic to say the least, that our living situation wasnt well suited for what was going to happen, that it would make me feel crazy, make everyone think i was crazy, make us hate each other. frankly i was certain i wasnt going to make it this time, i had gotten myself in over my head. i also knew my behavior would make it nearly impossible for my family not to go to the system for help, but i knew from my own research that the system really cant help with high gram per day phenibut dependence. the end result would almost certainly be a medically induced coma, and intubation, the outcome of which we all knew from my mothers experience being put into a medically induced coma and contracting pneumococcal pneumonia was not a very good option. so she just read and read and read, because she loves me. my mom on the other hand shouted from the other room “is he being dangerous?” to which my sister responded “NO!”  she said “im calling the cops” and suddenly the rage started coming back again. it was literally like static electricity crackling along my back and arms, all my hair stood on end, the hair on my head, the hair on my arms and legs, like a cat i guess. i told her to call them and id be ready for them when they got here, she picked up the phone and started dailing, i watched her, and then she put it down.

 it was at this point that skye called me. i dont remember what exactly sparked it, to be honest, i think that phone conversation was pretty tame except for my energy.i remember shouting that i needed a cigarette in a demonic sounding voice before hanging up on her, i briefly remember asking her “what do i have?” because since that dude killed himself, and she was married in florida, the last ten years of my life have been a joke pretty much. and then i just destroyed my room, i needed to destroy something, i prayed literally for something to destroy, and i remembered that dresser i got from the super market and just started punching it, which was awesome because it was rigid plastic so it exploded into shards, very satisfying. i punched it into a million pieces. i threw the pieces, then proceeded to punch every framed piece of “art” in my room, chuck stuff around, basically throw a tantrum. i was not really myself here, i dont do this. ive literally only ever destroyed one thing in a fit of rage, and it was a portable cd player when i was like 13 and i regretted it immediately. i proceeded to text vile things to skye, the sweetest person ive ever known, eventually i fell asleep. when i woke up literally surrounded by debris, i still needed a cigarette and proceeded to just pick up where i left off, just kicking debris off my bed, throwing shit, its like i had fucking rabies. but i managed to roll a cigarette finally and that calmed me down IMMENSELY.

 the next day, i took my usual dose of phenibut in order to continue tapering, i forget where we were at, but we started at thirty grams per day, which is fucking absurd, i cant find another example of anyone using that much phenibut for that long, but we got quite low. the dose hit me very weird, and i got “stuck on my bed” where i was standing on my matress, without any sense or consciousness i guess, for around seven hours. the clock on my laptop froze at 1:19 AM when i picked it up with one hand and crunched something internally, and when i came to my senses still standing on the bed, the birds were chirping and the sun was up. from that day, i couldnt really feel the phenibut at all anymore. no more cartoon vision, no more rage, no more waking up like a scared child, unable to recognize my own room or remember anything about my life. just nothing. this also correlated with the time my aromatase inhibitors arrived finally so my estrogen was being brought back into check. it was like waking up finally from a dream. to be honest, i despise it.  i dont care about the shame, the regret, the people i hurt. if me and skye arent talking anymore, and the only time we talked in ten years was when i was at my absolute lowest and meanest, fuck it. i want back in the dream, or in the ground. i just cant handle that.