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rinbowaman · 6 months

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Mermaids Tale FINALE!

It's here! so a quick note before you start reading, this originally had alot more to it and was going to be split into three finale parts (and eventually i will revise and do that) but i'm on a time crunch because i have to start preparing for school and there's so much work to be done (all the one shots and ofc HHP and TO) so i'm trying to get everything finished before i take a break to focus on classes and not leaving my wonderful readers dry with ongoing works, not to mention some family trips coming up is also going to take away my time from writing. This chapter is still good and has all the meat and potatoes, just...i wanted it to be way longer and add more to it. But alas! here's to another end of a great series (i really do love this series) sorry it's not proofread (i really wanted to but again...time is not on my side atm) I gotta get ready for TO and finish these one shots!

Warnings: Okay, seriously, this piece has some very extreme non/dub con content, so please please please if that stuff makes you uncomfortable in any way, do not read. As you all may know, yandere's have many methods in emotionally/mentally detaining their darlings, and sometimes (usually the westernized and more modern yandere traits) show yanderes physically altering/maiming their darlings from escaping (such as cutting off limbs) but i opt for the traditional yanderes that don't have any intentions of seriously hurting their darlings (not in that way) but they are still crazy and violate some aspects of human rights, non/dub con is the method they normally resort to in 'taming' their darlings and this chapter has that (a bit more strongly than what i've written thus far) so please do not read if this makes you uncomfortable. There are also mentions of murder, isolation, and kidnapping (you know...traditional yandere stuff) but i promise, regardless of what is mentioned, this is a good read. Please enjoy.

The two Adams engrossed themselves into a stare down, leaving you at a blind sight behind Heeseung while he stood as the blockade between you and the unfamiliar Adam. Their manner in communication became evident that the two knew each other, but how?

“Move aside, Heeseung.”

Heeseung didn’t move. He stood steadfast as his jaw clenched, he wasn’t going to let anyone come near what was his.

“I said move, boy! Or else—“

“Or else what?”

The man scoffed out a semi defeated breath. “Feeling brave? Or are we just putting on a show for the oceanic Angel?”

“She’s not yours. She never was.” Heeseung smirked out as he crossed his arms. You remained cornered, confused as you gazed on Heeseung’s backside while the other Adam looked over in your direction. His eyes were dark and rather desperate, desperate for you. Meanwhile, Heeseung remained composed and entirely too confident in his demeanor, what did he have up in his sleeve that would allow him to be so poised and relaxed when another Adam was vying for your ownership? You hated the thought of it but let’s be honest, that’s exactly what was happening before your own eyes.

“Tell you what grandson—“

Grandson?

“Let’s make a deal; you leave now, and I’ll give the entire rights to the corporation in your name. From there, you can have electric men under your thumb to search and scour every part of the world and bring back all the Sirens you want. You can have them all. Just leave this one with me, everything else will be yours. Deal?”

Heeseung remained with an everlasting smirk presently ingrained on his youthful face. “A deal, huh?” He calmly starts out with, seemingly considering what his so-called grandfather was pitching. Was he actually going to toss you off to this man? Why can’t they just leave you alone? You’ve done no harm to anyone, all you wanted, more than anything on this world, was to be free and swim off into the ocean. The waters your ancestors were born in, just a few hundred feet out from the beach rental you seemed to be stuck in.

“I don’t make deals. At least not anymore.” Heeseung’s tone grew wild with fury, his eyes darken and all lustful glaze disappeared as the matte black coloring took over, igniting a demonic appeal.

“What is wrong with you?! Are you fucking insane?! Heeseung!” His grandfather spat out of rage, completely dissatisfied with Heeseung’s tone.

“Yeah…I am.” Heeseung calmly denotes as his dark chuckle continues to grow into a crazed laughter. “I am so fucking insane, you have no idea! Ah fuck…” biting down on his lowe lip, he slurps in the bit of drool that leaks out; his appearance became too menacing for you to handle, so you shoved your face into the corner of the wall and cradled your sight from looking much longer at his face. The tone of his words weren’t very pleasing, despite covering your ears, you picked up everything he said.

With his arms still crossed, he elevates his hand, spreading his fingers violently as he buries his face into the palm, dragging it downward. He looked like a madman, so sadistically frightening as one eye peels through his knuckles. “I’m soooooo insane…because of her…I’ve thought of things that have never crossed my mind before. Because of her…I am willing to use my capabilities, not to help others, but to protect her instead—to keep her…ravish her…love her and thrust into her until she tastes every inch of me…to the point where she will someday share my level of insanity.”

What is he saying? You couldn’t believe your ears, this man has gone completely mad! You panicked as your body trembles, it was almost as if you had to root for the lesser of two evils, but you weren’t entirely sure which one of them was it. Was Heeseung’s grandfather? The man who looked dull compared to his grandson, who stood laughing maniacally, oozing out words that distinguished great mental distress for you.

“SHE…will be the only thing I live for…I’ll die for her, kill for her, I’ll skin the entire world alive just only for her…..what a fucking idiot you are, for ever thinking that a handful of Sirens weee ever worth trading her in. You could promise me an entire ocean filled with them and I still wouldn’t ever give her up…she’s nothing like the rest….she’s nothing like I ever seen…and she’s all mine.”

Heeseung turns to face you, at that moment you started to hyperventilate. His gaze was all too much, and you couldn’t bear the thought of what he had in mind to do to you. “All…fucking…mine…from the moment we first touched…” he takes his steps closer, you panicked. “Get away! Stop!”

His voice remains calm and tender as he continues to pierce your personal space. “From the moment we shared voices at that karaoke bar…”

“Stop!”

“And from the moment…I saw your face when—“

His words came to a pause, or rather, it was all replaced by a loud groan of anguish and pain. You looked up to see the other Adam, his grandfather, standing off to the side with the lamp post in hand. He had struck his own descendant, yet the expression of his actions quickly made you realize that he too, was afraid of the repercussions. He’s never seen his own relative like this, despite being an Adam himself, he never once became the way Heeseung had. It was enough for him to gain courage, and for once, gaining the intention to help release you rather than just keeping you for yourself. Sure, there was generations of instinctive nature between Adams and Sirens; the former being the most dominant and yearning of two, and while Sun Juan felt it within his heartbeat to keep and touch you, he was nowhere malicious enough to develop murderous habits as his own grandson spoke of. “Run…” he tells you. Shaking as he arms himself with the lamp post, while Heeseung stumbles towards the wall, gripping onto his head. “I said fucking run! Do you want him to catch you?!”

His voice was urgent, sending shivers to your spine as you quickly got up and exited the rental. Running through the hall, you leave behind a scuffling scene with the sound of masculine groans and shattered glass. As far as you were concerned, the two could fight it off and take their time with it, this was your chance to run…run to the sea.

You burst through the front door, and climbed down the wooden stairway, making a rounded turn as you ran outside the frontal perimeter of the beach house. You reach the back end, and there over yonder, you could hear just as clearly as you could see, was the raging water calling your name. You shuffle off your sneakers, and stripped off your blouse as you ran through the repeated mounds of sand. The sight of sea foam becomes clearer the closer you edge on to the shallow water. You could smell the salty air, the scene was exactly the way you remembered so long ago when you first visited…when you first found out what you really were.

Almost there.

So close, the dampened sand squished in between your toes and you could feel that tingly sensation come through. The nerves in your legs become blazed with overwhelming heat and pressure, it was discomforting and painful, just the way you remembered. You lose balance, and your legs become numb and weak; the denim of your jeans shred and tear as the dazzling scales reappear. After so many years, for the first time since your 15th year, you were changing back into the maiden of the sea. The remnants of your attire shred to pieces, and you discard what was left until nothing clothed you. Unable to walk, you edged closer to the deeper end as you used your upper body strength, and dig your fingers in the sand as you crawled towards the roaring waves, dragging your mermaid tail behind. Your fingers feel the smooth and flourishing rush of water feeding under your palms, easing your migration to the deep end. The image of your mother appears before your eyes.

Mama…I’m coming…I’m coming to find you.

……………….

“Gotcha!”

You screamed as you felt the sudden tug on your tail. A strong grip punches your scales as the weight climbes up towards your hips, waist, and rests around your shoulders. “Aaaaaah!!!! Stop!!! Let me go!!! Get off!! You can’t do this to me!!! Let me go!”

You feel yourself being lifted from the sandy shoreline, carried princess style as you are left helpless and immobile. The tipped edge of your tail fin drags against dry sand, indicating that you were being taken farther and farther away from the ocean front. You could feel the sensation of your nerves coming back to you as the scales on your bottom region start to dry up, telling you that you were soon changing back to your normal state. With pitiful sobs, you each across his broadened chest as he cradles you forcefully in his arms. You loop one arm around his shoulder while your free hand reaches out and grabs the air while the view of the shore slowly disappears.

“Please…..please let me go…let me go home….”

………………….

A year had nearly passed since the event of Heeseung’s duel with his grandfather, who had been dead since that night. You never inquired about how it all went down, after you rushed out of the house, all you knew was that the harrowing events from being taken from the sea, you learned that Heeseung had made special preparations in not only taking over his grandfather’s legacy, which included his entire corporation, but to eradicate all those closest to him. His great-grandfather, as you later learned.

You never met his brothers, since they too were Adams, Heeseung had taken precautionary measures to send them on assignments overseas once he manipulated the legal documents to have everything assigned under his name. His father, brothers, and the rest of the males that shared the same bloodline, all sent and kept far away from you. No one…was allowed to look, to touch, or to even dream of you.

……

“You’re all mine…now say it.”

As his words echo throughout your brain, you fall down in memory lane and recall the image of what you saw in the mirror that very night, after Heeseung dragged you away from the ocean waters, past the corpse of his mangled grandfather, and right into the shower.

That night…..

……………

“Please let me go! Let me go! You can’t do this!”

You grab onto whatever your fingers grazed as Heeseung carried you back inside the beach rental. The view of blood splatter on the walls told you of a brutal fight, one that ended with the elder Adam laying breathlessly on the floor. The sight of it all caused you to panic and about once more. “Let me go! I don’t want this! Let me go, I want to be free!”

By the time he enclosed you both in the shower room, your tail dried out, leaving you entirely nude as your legs returned. You cover yourself as you crawl against the sink cabinet, covered in semi-dried sand with your hair sticking to skin. You cry as you hear the latch of the door is set to lock, with Heeseung blocking it. He doesn’t say anything, at least not immediately. He looks over his shoulder and walks over to the elaborate stand in shower, surrounded by the glass wall. He turns the faucet and sets the water just at the right temperature; the screeching of the faucet dial causes you to look over, and to your horror you watch as Heeseung removes his own blouse, leaving only his wet jeans to remain as he flexes his abdominal muscles.

Once again, you hyperventilate as you dread what he was about to do. ��No please….please…please don’t do this.”

He ignores your please and didn’t even bother to look your way, instead, he places his hand under the sprinkled rain drops under the shower head, savoring the warm temperature. “Come here darling…let’s get all that sand off you.”

You tucked your face away against the wooden cabinet door, when you hear his foot steps grow closer, followed by his harsh grip around your nude body. Still too weak from the transformation, you couldn’t stand let alone walk or run. You sobbed against his bare shoulder as you felt him lift and carry you over to the glass box. He sets you down on the tiled floor, recognizing that you were unable to flee. It only made this easier for him.

You lay mercilessly on the floor as the water washes over your body, your hair pooling around you gracefully. The sound of his zipper drawing downward, while the buckling of his belt loosens made you wince in fear as the weight of damp denim plops down on the floor became the icing on the cake.

“Please…”

Again, he ignores your pleas. You feel yourself being lifted from the tile floor and pressed against the glass, chest forward with his body plastered to your backside. You felt the warm droplets coating your skin, and his warm hands roaming every inch of your nude frame. He tenderly moves the wet pieces of your hair away from your neck, and latches his mouth on. Indulging the savoring sweetness of water and your own skin, he remains glued to you, all the while his hands continue to rub your waist and hips. He takes the girth of his shaft in hand, and begins stroking it as it pokes your derrière, causing you to cry hysterically as you felt the motions of his palm moving up and down. Releasing your neck, he finally decides to speak.

“How do I even begin to tell you…how often I’ve thought about you like this?” He breathes out heavily as he buries his face against the nook of your neck, taking your breath away as the sensation of his lashes, the tip of his nose, and his pursed lips pressed against your skin…it felt so…

“I’ve only known you for such a short amount of time…yet you had such an effect on me…you became the only thing I could think about…breathe in…and spit out.” He over exaggerates an inhale as he sniffs your skin, dragging his nose tip along your neckline, right up to your jaw, all the while he continues to stroke his lengthy member as it remains pressed against the plumpness of your rear end. “How do I tell you?….how?”

Your cries soften, maybe it was the way his tender words came out; so soft and calm through that deep and sensual voice of his. Perhaps it was the way he was touching you, a sensation you only felt with him, despite your reluctance, yet it felt like a blessing to your curse. No man could make you feel, make you realize or yearn, just his. To feel skin…to feel warmth of someone else’s body, or the shrilled coldness of their hands. To feel their lips as they adorn you with kisses, or the feeling of their breaths coating your ear when they whisper into it. To feel all of this for the first time, from not feeling pain, pleasure, or touch, to feeling it all at once it was…it was…

“I-I don’t know..I don’t know how…” you whimpered out as you find yourself submissively falling for his touch. “Please….don’t…” you beg one last time, giving it your last shot to stand strong, yet the soft desiring tone of your voice made it obvious—you already lost.

“Come here baby, let me show you.” He whispers from the side of your cheek, before he tilts you to look over shoulder and kisses you. The thick and lengthy muscle migrates from your rounded cheeks and probes through your thighs. Devouring you into a fierce kiss of hunger, you feel the rounded, bulbous tip of his cock breaching your entrance. You gasp out of the striking sting of pain as he pushes…more…and more. Finally, the tip breaks through and enters. With just the tip inside, the right sensation of your walls squeezing the life out of his head was already overwhelming and sensational. So much, that he had to pause and take a moment to gasp out his oncoming climax. “Fuck…” he breathes out heavily, all the while you remain in his right grasp wincing and trembling in pain. “You feel better than I imagined…how am I going to fuck you properly when you feel this good?”

“D-don’t…dont…” you gasp out as the pressure cause you to become incoherent.

“Hm? Tell me how.” He antagonizes, finding his motivation and senses coming back as he hears your helpless and whimpering pleas. It all fueled him to get more out of you. “Tell me how baby…”

He begins thrusting the remaining length of his shaft inward. He had intentions of starting slow and gentle, considering you never once felt the touch of someone’s fingers let alone tasting cock for the first time, but he couldn’t contain himself anymore. The screams of your beautiful voice bouncing off the tiles as he thrusted the leaked pre-cum to glaze your walls made it all too much for him to take things slow. No, he had to go in hard, deep, and fast…he needed to fuck you. It was in his nature, he needed to breed with you, dip deep into your belly where he was going to release his entire lust and create the product of his love for you.

For you, the sensation started out too conflicting. Initially, you were disgusted and angered by the fact that the man had restrained and forced you into this, yet the feeling of touch…something your cursed lineage prevented you from indulging, was starting to make you feel differently about him. The feeling of touch, skin on skin contact was already something you hadn’t gotten used to, but to feel it from the inside…to feel his own extremity pulsate, throb, and twitch inside your womanhood as the faint remnants of first blood dripped down into the drain. The sting of pain and discomfort fades, and you feel a tingle knot formulate. There was an intense pressure in between the folds of your cavity, something that was only satisfied as he took each thrust and pelted you with his violating member. It felt glorious, of all the sensations you could feel for the first time, this was something that, now you’ve experienced it, couldn’t live without. No matter how rough, dementing, and crazy he was, you couldn’t help but yearn more for his touch, his licks, and those devouring kisses. He leans in, pressing your breasts and palms agains the glass wall, and there before you was the large mirror hovering above the sink. It displayed the reflected image of your united silhouettes behind the steamed glass; his shadow showing the motions of what he was doing from behind, as he thrusted and held onto you tightly. The nipples of your breasts and prints of your fingers were the only thing that could be made out clearly as they smudge and smear the glass, succumbing to the bouncing motions of his sickening pumps of cocking you.

You weren’t sure how you felt about the reflection, normally, you would have cried and shuttered your sight away from it, but the longer you admired it, the more it caused you to feel….strange…almost funny….like you wanted to watch…you wanted to see more…you wanted him to do more…it was an internal feeling you’ve never felt in your life, yet here it was overcoming your better senses. You found that, in this moment, nothing mattered to you anymore. You didn’t care about preserving your pureness, about escaping, about your freedom…you didn’t care. Perhaps you’ll regret saying that after he’s had his fille with you, but for now, all you could think about, was…

“Ah! Oh….oh God!”

“Yeah?” he pants vigorously as he hastens his thrusting motions. “You like how that feels baby?”

“Mmmmm……y-yes…p-please!”

“Please what?”

“Please….m-more…more! Please….do more….please don’t stop…whatever it is you’re doing….d-don’t….stop….dont ever stop…”

He buries his nose into your neck and kisses you with the most tenderness since having you in his grasp.The way you breathed out, with your voice echoing in his ear, begging for him to merge with you forever…it was all he wanted. It’s all he needed. It was all he lived for.

You dont know how it was possible, but he quickens his thrusts yet again, the sound of skin on skin slapping rigorously, with splats of water droplets flying all around as he continued to fuck the leakage of his essence inside you under the rainfall shower head was something you never knew you’d cherished and desired.

He goes faster…deeper….harder. “Oh fuck.”

“P-please!” faster..

“Shit…y/n…” deeper…

“Oh my God what is happening!!” you scream as you feel a rage of nerve pinching pleasure that causes you to slide against the glass. In fact, had it not been for his hold on you, you would have fallen long before when he first started pelting you with his length. You jolt upwards, yet his grip ceases you from leaping too far; he wasn’t ready to take it out, not yet. “Shh…take it baby… just like that.”

You whimper out climatic moans as your toes curl against the hard tile. What was this feeling? What just happened? What was this heated warmth that leaked out of you? This sensation? What was it that you felt filling your gut?

Your breasts squeak against the glass as you slide all the way down, He barely has the strength to hold your waist, shaking at the knees while he releases inside your walls. His groans calm to a deep whimper as he breathes against the back of your neck. He finally did it. He finally became one with the love of his life.

……………………

You snap out of the memory as you hear him enter the bedroom. He comes in quietly, giving you an adorn gaze as he removes his blouse and tosses it over the lavish seating chair. He reaches up, and unties his black tie, lids growing heavy as he looks with an endearing expression. It was a look that triggered another memory, one that occurred some time after he took your virginity and made you feel touched in a way that you never knew existed…

………..

“Crying again? It’s been months now, do you plan to cry forever?”

“Please…I just….I just want to be free again….why does it have to be this way?”

“I told you darling, you can be free from the chains when you learn to behave.”

“But….I…I dont….I can’t….Heeseung please….”

“Come on, remember all the times that I made you feel good? You like it when I do that, dont you?”

“Stop! Please, I dont want that right now. I want to be free. I want my old life back.”

“Baby…i told you. You belong to me…you are all that i’ve got…and I’m all that you have.”

You remember how his words cut you deep, causing you to cry not because of fear, but because of the truth behind them. He was right…so right.

“You lived your entire life with multiple identities to keep your lineage a secret. To protect your parents, siblings, and yourself. By doing so, you cut ties with your brothers, your father passed on, and your mother is lost at sea….you have no one, darling. Just me. And you truly love me, you just don’t realize it yet, which is why you have to stay locked up for a while.”

He rubs your hair in between his fingers, slowly raising it to his nose as he gently inhales the scent. He rubbed the smoothness of your strands against his cheek, indulging you, as always, giving you the same look…that he was giving you right now. Except now…there were no chains…no locks…no barred windows and concrete walls. There were no steel doors and sound proof glass. Now, you were a doll living in a life of silk and chiffon, dazzled by this man’s affection. You were always under his watchful eye, and forever entrusted by his top guards whenever he wasn’t present. You were his…all his. After a year of emotional and mental torment, you gave up and realized that, not only was he right about having only him, but he was the perfect match for you. An Adam…with the gift of longevity and supernatural abilities in the water, which only meant that whether it be land or sea, you were never far from his reach. He would always find you, and bring you back. You’ll never know what became of your mother, if she was still roaming the sea for you and her ancestors, and you’ll never know how your brothers are doing, because the world is no longer yours. You were a pearl trapped inside a shell, forever protected deep inside a sea of warmth and comfort, his comfort. Leaning against you, he pulls your backside against his chest and embraces you, as he does every night. Kissing your neck, he chuckles as he breathes over your ear. Faintly pointing over towards the opened cracked window, with the curtain dancing against the breeze, he whispers…

“Can you hear the ocean, my darling Siren?”

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@enheene , aiden2001 , heeseung-min , lathan1510 , rayofsunshineeee , @hoyeonheeseung , @rayofsunshineeee , @yohanabanana , @sunoosrightbuttcheek , @jaeneohee , @icydawon , @silcry , @iamliacamila , @nikstrange , @enheene ; @nuriicata , @en-happiness ; @ayyow811 , @kaykay11sworld , @ophelie245

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pastryland · 9 months

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f1 completed fic recommendations

F1 fics are the main reason I got into this fandom and I figured I should share some (or so so many) fics that I like. While I do primarily follow Lando/Oscar and Charles/Carlos, I do read fics from other ships especially if they're from an author I like or the concept is interesting.

I have way too many fics (100+ though not all are completed) bookmarked so I'll just share my absolute favorites on this post and link posts of individual ships on their own posts. Also, I will continually keep updating this post and the other ones as fics complete and I read more.

If any of the authors of the fics mentioned here or are tagged and don't want their fics to be here, please let me know and I'll remove it!

❤️ = favorite

⭐️ = I love fics by this author in general

❌ = triggering themes

🔥 = explicit

Absolute Favorite Fics:

the trials of 2022 - 33k - Charles Leclerc/Carlos Sainz Jr - ❤️ ⭐️ 🔥

A partial summary of the 2022 season, as told by Charles or Carlos, following each race.

This would be my all-time favorite F1 fic if I had to choose, only rivaled by its currently unfinished sequel and the second fic here. Charles's and Carlos's relationship in this fic is so organic and realistic and the chemistry is incredibly tangible. The angst, tension, the emotion in this fic is delectable, beautiful writing by @/f1-stuff. Even if you aren't into this ship, I implore you to try this fic out.

the end of the strain - 19k - Lewis Hamilton/Nico Rosberg, Lewis Hamilton/Sebastian Vettel - ❤️

They didn't end up together in the end, which he had already prepared for in his heart. Lewis, in seven parts.

For the first time ever reading any fic of any fandom, I had to lie on the floor for a couple minutes to process the emotional damage this fic gave me. The characterizations of all the people are on point and the relationships are heartbreaking and devastating in all the right ways. If you want to cry or lie on the floor and contemplate love like I did, this is the fic for you.

Negative Splits - 10k - Lando Norris/Oscar Piastri - ❤️ ⭐️

So officially, Oscar Piastri, pretty good steepler and pretty bad pacer, was now a professional runner. They wanted him to steeple, mostly, though he’d be doing cross country in the fall, and Lando had pinky promised him, mid-distance guy to mid-distance guy, that if he wanted to get into the 3k flat indoor then he would get him in. Oscar didn’t really want to ask how he planned on doing that. Felt safer not to ask.

@/ocontraire is the queen of Sports AU's for the F1 boys (go check out her other fics too! They're also incredible). As an athlete myself, the mentalities of both Lando and Oscar are relatable to me, though I'm also fascinated by the differences in various sports. This fic is certainly on the more lighthearted side (emotionally at least) and I thoroughly enjoy Lando and Oscar's friendship/relationship and its development.

induction, consolidation, maintenance - 6k - Pierre Gasly/Charles Leclerc - ❤️ ❌

In which Charles is sick, Pierre is desperate, and he wishes he didn't have to do what he's doing to pay for Charles to have a chance.

Piarles is certainly not a ship that I read often, but this fic caught my eye and I'm certainly glad that I read it. Pierre's and Charles's relationship is quite cute, though I mainly love Pierre's desperation to save Charles no matter what. He is willing to do anything, the world could burn for all he cares, to make sure Charles is healthy again and it got me heavily in the feels.

glitch - 26k - Max Verstappen/Charles Leclerc - ❤️ ⭐️

Max hums. “Well, at least that means I won’t bump into Charles Leclerc again.” “Bummer, really,” Daniel says, moving back to his own seat and drinking the little bit of coffee that was still in the cup. “Could’ve been the start of a great love story.” Lando snorts. “Kids, it all started when I told your father, who had won two World Driver Championships at that point, that he sucked at driving.” Max sticks his middle finger up at them, and pulls his noise canceling headphones back over his ears. Only two hours left to go, he thinks, wistfully, and goes back to work.

I mainly read @/nyoomfruits's fics because of Landoscar, though this Lestappen fic took me completely by surprise. I adore the romcom vibes of this whole fic and Daniel and Lando are so hilarious and chaotic. Max's personality fits so well in this fic as an unbothered IT guy, but completely loses his composure when he meets Charles, his favorite F1 driver.

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pencilofawesomeness · 1 year

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What is Twisted Wonderland and how would you sell someone on it?

Ohoho. Ohohohoho. Anon. You have activated my trap card >:D

(I'm about to be soooo annoying/unhinged and I'm sorry. I'm not.)

Alright, so:

Twisted Wonderland is a Disney mobile game made in Japan and co-produced by Aniplex. (Yes, that Aniplex.) I'm not here to sell you on the game, so much as the story, but it is a sort of story-book rpg with turned based fights and rhythm games, where you build character units from a gacha pull. As far as gameplay goes, it's very simple, and most of the emphasis lies on the characters and the story. And it's wonderful.

The on-the-box description of this game doesn't do it justice, per se, but that might be because Disney has a little bit of influence on it and they suck at knowing who their target audience is. It is about a high school based on classic Disney villains—but no, not in the way you're thinking, because I once made that mistake too. It is not a villain school. Rather, the world of Twisted Wonderland is its own entity, with characters built as sort of nods or foils to classic Disney characters. The world itself is somewhat built with these films as its past, and history has become so twisted (ha) that modern society views some of these classic villains as the heroes or supporting characters of their stories, and respect them as The Great Seven. (The seven in question being the Queen of Hearts, Scar, Ursula, Jafar, the Evil/Raven Queen, Hades, and Maleficent. None of them are remembered by name, though.)

The game takes place in the modern era, a society with both technology and magic. Specifically, it takes place in a magic high school called Night Raven College, an all-boys dormitory prep school where the only requirement to get in is a magic mirror that peers into your soul and determines whether or not you can a) do magic and b) kin the Great Seven. And, of course, the player character is a regular-ass human who gets isekai'd in and gets stuck with a talking magic cat direbeast named Grim.

Now. That is the general synopsis. I, on the other hand, affectionately call this the Mental Breakdown game.

See, here's the kicker. The magic system is pretty nifty; while it's functions as a standard magic-is-magic sort of soft system, it has ✨consequences✨

Magic has this byproduct called blot. It's this icky stuff that builds up when you a) use too much magic and/or b) are emotionally distressed. But less so in a "I'm panicked right now" sort of way and more so in a "I have chronic depression and/or anxiety" sort of way. And, when a mage is powerful enough, and sad boi enough, and then goes and uses way too much magic and sad boi juice in one sitting, this amazing phenomenon occurs called "overblot"—which is pretty much a super-powered evil form that turns the mage into the darkest form of themselves and then uses magic until they die.

Naturally, this happens in the game. A lot. The formula is pretty much that each "book" of the story, there is an overblot. One for each of the seven dorms, which are based off of the seven villains/the movies they come from. (And "based on" is pretty loose. Yes you can see the similarities, but these are dumb teenage boys with their own hopes and aspirations, and, sometimes, the game completely lies to you about what character they emulate the most. The guy who's Jafar? Well yes but he's actually just a really stressed out Genie stand in. The Hades guy? Whoops that's Meg. Is that a card soldier or the White Rabbit? Doesn't matter, he's got problems.)

The characters are so well written. I could gush about them forever, and they are the driving points of this plot and it means everything to me. They are some of the most traumatized and messed up individuals, but also, they are dumb teenage boys who do dumb teenage boys things. It is all incredibly well balanced and startlingly realistic for a game that amounts to beating the emotional constipation around people. Mostly because it cannot be beat out of them. The blot can, but they have to deal with their emotions with their own two hands, with varying levels of success.

And the shenanigans!!!! Oh, the shenanigans. I call this the Emotional Trauma game but I have once laughed so hard someone heard me through the floor. It's not all doom and gloom for sure. Sometimes you're watching your friend fall apart because his toxic mother instilled debilitating perfectionism and slowly start making enemies of everyone and sometimes you're sending three of the most gremlin students plus one cinnamon roll to infiltrate a gala that a bunch of weather fairies are throwing in the greenhouse because they stole your temperature regulating magestone to be shiny jewelry and you want it to stop snowing inside your dorm room. And sometimes you can have the exact same character who experienced losing his little brother right in front of him gush about a magical girl sledding anime and all of his gacha games. It is the best of both worlds.

And, that's not all! No, no. We get amazing character interactions. Not just pre-determined friend group interactions, but also random interactions. Yana Toboso (the writer/artist) really likes to stick names in a jar sometimes and make them interact and it is the best thing ever. Every single one of these characters I hold in my hands. Every single one of them gets to have their moment to shine. You can emotionally invest in all of them and be rewarded for it.

The game itself is free and pretty easy to get into. There's not really a bad power creep so you can get through it with what you got. Of course the fun part of collecting cards is that there are stories attached to them that you can watch, and those are also sources of joy. (And it's well documented, so you can find things online pretty easily to catch up and see more.)

I just think it's neat. (Read: I accidentally became wholly obsessed with this game and its characters and they are all blorbos to me.)

You should definitely fall into this rabbit hole with me :))) It's so worth it :)))

#twisted wonderland #ask #anon #I could gush about the characters individually but #we would be here all day #anyway I love them all #and this game does a surprisingly good job with mental illness and neurodivergency #despite never naming any of it #it's pretty obvious though #even if not to the character themselves all the time #also this game is absolutely gut wrenching in the most positive way #it accidentally made me reconsider my entire life and well being #when I saw a little too much of myself in one of the characters overblotting #like WHOOPS I see the issue #but that's a me thing #anyway its very good and I can easily be enabled into blabbing about it more #this is just a very general overview really #and if that's not enough then know that in the first book #I character once says “no I am not going to put down the shovel I am still DIGGING”#and that's when I knew this was going to be fun #and then the end of the book I hear the VA of Tanjiro have a full cry and I knew this was going to consume me #is a very good story and a fun lil game

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daisys-reality · 2 years

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ᴠᴏɪᴅ ꜱᴛᴀᴛᴇ

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐩𝐬 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐅𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐄𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐕𝐨𝐢𝐝?

This reading kind of turned into motivational talk lol. I hope it helps you somehow!😅 [I'm sorry I didn't proof read it, please excuse any dumb mistakes</3] If you liked this, feel free to message me other PAC ideas!

what is the void state? It's a state of pure consciousness. It's usually reached through meditation. The void is within you, hence you are the void. You can manifest anything through the void state. - click here for more information

how to choose a picture: try to calm down, take deep breaths & use your intuition to select. Take you time and chose the picture you feel the most drawn to. (You can choose more than one picture.)

༣P𝔦𝔩𝔢 1

𓆸 What kind of person are you?

(you might have many earth and fire placements in your chart, I also got strong jupiter and mercury energy)

hello my pile 1 people <3 You guys are surely very earthy but inside you there is fiery passion. You are stable and secure or at least that’s what you’re working towards. You are independant and quite resourceful. You value material things and it’s also something you need to feel emotionally better. You like to be generous to other people and provide for others. But for that you need to be in a stable position, right? Also, I’m sure you dislike sudden or unexpected things - it might trigger you in some way. You are maybe the type who takes a bit longer to finish certain things because you wanna make sure that everythings is done correctly and ‘perfectly’. And ofc it’s ok to not hurry yourself especially on this manifestation journey but don't let your need for control get too you head. I feel like your surroundings might be a little chaotic, so try to create your own calm place in the center of this chaotic energy. It also seems like you are a fair and just person who likes to protect others and yourself. Your energy is very expanding and I also think you’ve been quite lucky in your life even though you might not see it that way. Often, you want to understand the bigger picture of life and that’s also why you might be into spirituality and have great faith. Other people might not notice it that well but I think you have a racing mind. Also, you surely are quite intelligent. You might have a great desire to share your ideas and to communicate with others as well as educating yourself on all kinds of topics and collecting knowledge in general. From the outside, you might always seem calm and content but with sparkling eyes. You can endure anything. You know how to nourish yourself (even though this might stem from being neglected as a child). I think when you are not feeling good, you might neglect yourself a bit - like not drinking enough water/being dehydrated etc - and you might just lack vitality to do anything. Going on a small trip, just walking around nature or just having a change of scenery might help you in those times to get your energy back.

𓆸 So, what is stopping you? What is the problem?

As I mentioned before, you seem a bit like an overthinker and perfectionist.You may feel as though you’re restricted by the circumstances you find yourself in, but that’s just an illusion. Make a promise to yourself to refuse to be stuck in a situation that’s making you unhappy. Don’t wait for someone to come to the rescue when you can free yourself! The difficult times you went through helped you to transform and to get you mentally to the ‘place’ you are now. Surely, you've been hurt and betrayed in the past and even though you just wanna escape all of it as fast as possible you gotta realize that you or rather your higher self/consciousness chosed all these situations to help you grow and transform and for you to realize who you are and what you really need and want in your life. You’ve been prepared to make the decision for what kind of life you really want and what kind of person you really want to be. If you still have ‘childhood trauma’ (even if it seems small to you), you should think about where it stems from and how you can let go of it. Of course it won’t be easy but let me tell you YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH! Don’t let other people and their past deeds hold you back. You don’t need that! You are so powerful! Don’t overthink things. You tend to doubt your skills and power. Please don’t do that - You are a queen/king! All this overthinking, these doubts and the old patterns from your childhood hold you back. It makes your mind infertile! I want you to put yourself on top of everything, you are your own main priority. Please nourish yourself! A healthy mind and body will help you. You might have already heard that before but try to ignore the 3D if it’s as shitty as it feels! Don’t mind it! You should make yourself feel loved and proud - that is important! Trust yourself and in your power! Everything will work out perfectly! Just stay committed to what you want and what you definitely deserve !! You’re being called upon to claim your personal power! Feel confident about yourself and this journey! Your angels/guides/spirits (whatever you believe in) will give you strength to say no when it’s the right thing to do for yourself. On a side note, your struggle may actually stem from an unresolved inner conflict, rather than a conflict with others. So, try to resolve this. Work on your mindset - like tell yourself how much you value yourself with all your quirks etc. and that you deserve everything - guilt has no place here! Your past is over - you’ve learned from it - so it’s done. Close this chapter. Your new journey/life can begin now - so claim your power! As I said before, even if things take longer for you - I assure you you will totally master this!

-> check out my other pac readings

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༣P𝔦𝔩𝔢 2

𓆸 What kind of person are you?

(you might have many water and air placements in your chart, I also got strong sagittarius and neptune energy)

hello my pile 2 people <3 You guys - let me tell you - are beautiful inside out !! You are the type who often undergoes great change and transformation. You seem very versatile. Even though ‘change’ might not be something you're extremely comfortable with, you seem extra patient and kind during those times - especially to yourself. Tho it’s totally fine to let solid friends and activities (you enjoy) support you during those times. On a side note, committing to one daily routine (a meal, practice, meditating, affirming) done at the same place and time will do wonders for lifting your spirit. You’re the type to become very ‘fragile’ and really frustrated (with yourself and your life) when you’re out of balance. Your energy seems so graceful and cheerful.You might like interacting with others and you’re charming, friendly, optimistic, talkative, persuasive and maybe also a bit impulsive. I think freedom and beauty might be important to you and your life. You also seem creative like an artist and you surely inspire other people (just by being you or with you creations). However, you might also easily get distracted by new things and get bored of the old ones. You seem quick to adapt to new situations and are quite innovative. I think you have a strong drive and you kinda want to stand out from the crowd. You might like the ‘going with the flow’ lifestyle. You are a perceiver and are always motivated to look around to discover your own individuality while finding your place in the world. You might often ask yourself ‘how can I be true to myself?’. I think you usually try to be honest with yourself and with the rest of the world. You are powerful in your own way. It’s important to slow down from time to time so that you can perceive the depth as well as the breadth of the situation. Also, I think you should be careful with ‘careless unkindness’. You are quite a complex person. You have a great imagination, compassion (and I also think psychic experiences). You might have issues with sacrifice and obligation. Also balancing between giving and resenting might be an issue for you. I do think you value yourself and do some kind of healing and energy cleansing. You are the type of person who is forgiving and who needs to connect, to understand and to be understood, who values intimacy and creative expression. You try to speak your truth with kindness and compassion and that makes you so sweet.

𓆸 So, what is stopping you? What is the problem?

Mhm.. I think there are some blocked emotions that create some problems here. I feel like you are ignoring what your intuition is trying to tell you. Deep down you know exactly what the problem is. There is something beautiful and useful in dark reflection and sorrowful emotions; but these emotions turn ugly when they rot and fester to become self-pity and martyrdom. I feel like you are a bit blind or oblivious to the gifts around at this time. Try to become more aware. Be brave and rise above the suction of self-pity; avoid wallowing in indulgent sorrow. I think you already have inflicted enough self-suffering on yourself. You are manifesting but at this time you’ve become a little stagnant. There is some inner resistance - you are blocking the peace and the fulfillment that you yearn for, and yet it seems like you feel like you must deny yourself. Please do not think like that! You know what the right decision is for you! And you deserve EVERYTHING you want ! YOu are eNouGH ! Do not miss your opportunity because you’re wallowing and feeling sorry for yourself. Open your arms and receive the gifts waiting for you!! Turn your face to the sun and let the shadows fall behind you. At this time, it’s better for you to not let everyone know what is going on in your head. Also, boundaries … it’s time to set them. Small areas of ugliness are blinding you to the greater beauty that is your rightful environment. I think social media especially seems to negatively affect you. Try to set some boundaries with social media or try to avoid using it for some time. Protecting yourself is very important because you seem easily influenced by the energy around you. Think about who you really should allow access to your space and energy and who you shouldn’t allow it. Avoid negative people who are draining, or who bring unwanted drama into your life. Not everyone has your best interest at heart. Do not suffer because of some fools but also do not let your heart become hardened by others’ cruelty. Have compassion for their wounded souls - and yet set firm boundaries. Be soft but strong. Changes are necessary so that you can get back on track. While being on this journey, try to withdraw from this ‘world’. Follow your intuition and don’t think too long about what to do. In addition, I want you to know that releasing the past can seem like a challenge, but it can also be liberating. Your angels/guides (whatever you believe in) will help you let go so that you can fly higher than ever before. You need to actively allow this situation to lead you to a more joyful life. You can change your life by changing your thoughts as you already know! Sometimes you may feel as though your way is blocked but often that’s just an illusion. You could easily free yourself from the obstacles that you’re so focused on by choosing a different path. Turn your thoughts away from negativity, and instead envision more often the other possibilities or desired scenarios of your desired outcome etc. You need to actively choose your own freedom. Of course, your past shaped you into who you are at this time. But ask yourself about your past and how it influenced you and in which way. Now, is that what you really want to keep being? And if not, just release everything you don’t really need anymore. It will make you so much happier. Everyone has their own journey and they are all different and that’s ok. I know you’ll find your own way!

-> check out my other pac readings

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༣P𝔦𝔩𝔢 3

𓆸 What kind of person are you?

(you might have virgo or pisces placements in your chart, I also got strong saturn/earth energy)

hello pile three :D You seem like the type who has lots of responsibilities going on. But you also demand respect. I think that’s important to you. You are protective especially of your close family/friends. You might also be quite humanitarian and might like helping people through teaching or advising them/sharing your knowledge and experiences. You are really reliable. You have a brave and almost fearless side to you. It might be hard for you when people close to you don’t share the same opinion or values as you - especially when it’s about something that is really important to you. It almost feels like betrayal lol. There is some kind of duality. You seem to have reckless/rebellious aims while still following traditional/conservative values. Which might sometimes even confuse yourself. You might have been the type who worked hard to make their parents proud, genuinely looked up to them and who wanted to follow their footsteps as a child. But over time you worked on finding yourself and building up your own identity. And you soon noticed that more and more clashes appeared in the way you and your parents approach life and it might have become really difficult for you to (emotionally) differentiate yourself from your family/parents.

You are also impulsive and prone to spontaneous actions. Because you don’t want a dull life. YOu easily get bored and it makes you feel hopeless sometimes so you often eagerly look for new stimulation in all parts of your life. When out of balance you might become judgmental and dominating. You should practice tolerance and more as well as letting go. You seem to be good at analyzing and focusing especially when everything seems chaotic around you - like you can just shut out all distractions. You might be quite detail-oriented at times. But it also leads you to pettiness and obsessiveness. You should avoid being overly critical. I feel like you grew up in a judgmental environment and you thought their critical/judgy behavior comes with being mature, so you developed that trait as well because you wanted to grow up fast. You always push yourself to set and achieve goals to create a secure life. You might have faced many challenges but you’ve also learned a lot of things because of them. I feel like you also have a creative and intuitive side to you which might have been a bit neglected in your childhood. You have a strong belief system and are usually very passionate about them (that’s why it feels like betrayal when other people disagree lol) You might actually be very aware of the ‘unseen’ and of other people’s emotions. This might be overwhelming at times. You should maybe employ simple energetic protection techniques and avoid destructive escapism !!

𓆸 So, what is stopping you? What is the problem?

Mhm it feels like there is an important decision that you’ve been putting off. I feel like you know which choice you should make, but you’re procrastinating so you don’t upset someone else ? You are avoiding something important. There seems to be still a lot of chaos in your head. You haven’t released the past yet. You are still too stuck on the old story. As I said before, you struggle with letting certain stuff go and I think the problem lies in your self-worth… like your ‘identity’ seems to be attached to your past. PLease work on that. You are You! Ofc the past shaped you but your inner self is still the same… it’s just oppressed by all these limiting belief systems of society and by those of your family. In order to free yourself you need to honor your (physical) self more! A loving relationship with yourself will help you stand on your own two feet. You are strong enough! You won’t lose yourself when releasing the past, you will just step into your power - into your true self! PLease don’t neglect your body! I feel like poor eating, excess of ‘toxic substances’ and dragging yourself through things you don’t really enjoy are a theme here - and that’s punishing yourself and not celebrating yourself !? Why are you abusing your own body? :( Don’t put anything in your body that is not worthy of your god/goddess status!! Quality over quantity is the key at this time - awaken to your sacred self. Meditating and listening to ‘god state’ subliminals might help you as well as lots of selfcare! Also, you should be selective about who you let into your space. Ask yourself what is and what isn’t worthy of yourself. You deserve being treated in an honorable and respectful way not just by others but by yourself too. Furthermore, you seem to overthink things too much. I got the message “Friction and resistance in the circuits of your brain have now confused you into thinking the pain and tension is in the world around you when, really, it’s all in your head.” That was a clear message lmao. Free yourself from other people's opinions and take this time to be quiet and to reflect.The only thing standing in your way is you. The light of a busy mind can be beautiful, but in order to reveal its best achievements, times of darkness and rest are essential. Let go of your worries and fears for a while and let the world/your reality balance itself around you.Your inside is infinite, and your physical form is the gateway. You are drawing close to the start of something new/ a rebirth. But in order for that to happen reflection and reevaluation is required !! Look back on your past, reevaluate it and move on to bigger and better things! It all depends on you, nothing stands in your way anymore. Great progress will now be possible. You may need to make rapid decisions due to the suddenness of activity. Be confident and trust the guidance you receive.The last card I got for you is the ‘successful completion - dreams coming true’ card.So don’t worry too much, you are really close<3

-> check out my other pac readings

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༣P𝔦𝔩𝔢 4

𓆸 What kind of person are you?

(you might have leo/libra/cancer placements in your chart, I also got strong moon,venus and fire energy)

hello pile 4 <3 For you guys, I get the feeling that you are my visionary pile -slightly eccentric but very creative. You seem to be young at heart, well cultured and you seem to have an undying curiosity about life. You really are a delight for everyone around you and you seem to open their minds - like you inspire them and things just seem to make sense. You might like traveling and expanding your worldview while having a blast. You might also be the type to contribute to global health through environmental or volunteer work. You are usually very enthusiastic and I think quite fashion-forward. When in a bad mood, you might be very pouty and just feel super worn out. I think traveling or creating art might lift your mood in those times. Also, I think your mood changes quite often and randomly. And you might go through many changes and transformations, especially emotionally. You might be emotionally quite intelligent and your intuition seems to be strong as well. You might enjoy reminiscing about the past or dwelling in your imagination. Your energy is very fluid and adaptable. But you also have a passionate/fiery side to you. You have leadership qualities but I feel like you are often too shy to accept the spotlight. You have ambition and when you set something to your mind, you will make it happen. This dedication inspires some and intimidates others. I think people actually respect you alot. But not many really know you that much about you. You might give off aloof vibes and be hard to access … (funnily while writing down your pile my computer completely shut off randomly and I had internet problems and then shortly afterwards I heard weird noises in my room and I was so distracting by it because I am alone at home lol anyways I started wondering if I shouldn’t do you pile like wtf that never happened before but I decided to finish it as good as i can sooo coming back to the main topic… ) Not only are you fashion-forward I also think you really enjoy beauty and love related things. You might actually be quite the beauty <3 Also, your possessions, your money and your ideals seem to be important to you and are things you value very much.

𓆸 So, what is stopping you? What is the problem?

Ask yourself more often ‘how can I shine?’ and gather all your courage and confidence and create your own reality. You seem to lack confidence a bit. The theme of your journey is: taking your rightful place. You deserve all your desires. Don’t doubt yourself! You have the right to live your desired life or manifest your wishes. Don’t feel bad for it. You might feel a deep longing for something meaningful in your life. In your heart, you know that there’s more ‘out there’ waiting for you - and it’s true! It may be time to switch careers, or to move to a new home or city, or to initiate other important changes. If you planned to manifest those things through the void but started questioning if you should really do that. Let me tell you: DO WHAT'S RIGHT FOR YOU, AND SEEK OUT YOUR MAGICAL NEW LIFE !! Keep going! You might struggle with saying no to others and with prioritizing yourself. But you already have great courage and kindness inside you. You may not realize how strong and powerful you are, there is no problem in this world/reality that you can’t solve !! The compassion you so freely give to others must also be given to yourself! Stand strong in your convictions if the right answer to tell someone is no. It’s true that you have to make a sacrifice in order to move into the next creative expression of self - manifesting your desired life. But you are strong enough. The message I got for you pile 4 is ‘Honor your mystical and creative force’. You are the type to want to express your creativity in relationships, music, art and even food. And you should totally do that because it will empower you! You may feel restricted and powerless at this time but these are things that you have imposed on yourself. While on your void state journey, you may face a difficult decision of some sort, but you must release those constraints/limiting beliefs/issues before doing so. Be honest with yourself. I feel like you struggle with being authentic. You might avoid having to deal with your darker side and your subconscious issues- I feel like you try to ignore them or just avoid facing them. Take some time out, make yourself comfortable and have some deep talk with yourself OR just be in silence with yourself and let your thoughts flow and observe them if talking to yourself is too hard for you. Or you could write it all down, burn it (please stay safe lol) and affirm you new beliefs - especially regarding your void concept. I feel like that might help you alot. Also, it seems like you may have recently experienced a crushing failure or betrayal/back-stabbing that brought you to your knees. However, you should be mindful of not making yourself into a martyr because of it. Release any kind of victim mindset. Just know that you might have hit rock bottom - but from here on out there’s nowhere else to go but up. I can tell you from the messages I got for you that even though it feels like a waiting game for you at this time, opportunities/manifestations are lining up around you. I want you to merge with the flow of life, trust it in all its light and dark times on your journey. They have brought you to this point. Maybe unbeknownst to you, you are perfectly ready for this - trust your efforts and recognise the signs of serendipity occuring around you. You are where you are meant to be, doing what you are meant to be doing. You are growing in abundance and opportunity - you awakened fresh potential. Your circumstances (energetically) seem to be really good at this time! Use this chance no matter what! The planning period is over, it’s time to put your plans into action. Open the doors of opportunity to broaden your scope. Start thinking long term and be ready to embrace change!!

-> check out my other pac readings

#🌼 talking #pac #pick a card #void state #manifesting #reality shifting #success story #loa #pick a pile #pac reading #pick a picture #t.tarot #t.advice #t.loa #t.void

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ak11-content · 4 months

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Our first guest is SELF's January cover star Ali Krieger. You may know Ali is a decorated soccer player who is coming off a national Women's Soccer league championship win with New York, New Jersey, Gotham last season, which also happened to be her retirement season. But Ali is quick to remind people that soccer is just something she does, it's not who she is. So I'll also add that she's a vocal advocate for important social justice issues, a mom of two and a great friend to her nearest and dearest. I had the pleasure of interviewing her for SELF's January cover story, which is out now, and I'm so excited to be talking to her again today. Ali, welcome to the show.

Ali: Hi. Thank you so much for having me.

Rachel: Of course. So let's get into it. Um, the first time we're gonna ask you, or the first younger self I'm gonna ask you to give advice to is your childhood self. So before we get into the advice, I'd love to know what were you like as a kid?

Ali: I, um, I was shy. I was reserved, um, somewhat calm. That's definitely not how I am on the, on the soccer field.

Rachel: (laughs).

Ali: But I, I just followed my brother around all the time. He was super active and, um, you know, just always wanting to play and, and hang out. So we had to really, we had a really good childhood. I feel like everything was at our fingertips. We grew up in, you know, uh, Dumfries in Northern Virginia. And, um, yeah, we were just hanging out with friends, playing sports, and just enjoying family time. Ultimately, I always wanted to just be around my brother hanging out, and I learned a lot from him too along the way.

Rachel: That's so cute. And he's 13 months older than you, right?

Ali: Yes, yes. We're 13 months apart. Mm-hmm.

Rachel: That's amazing. When did you start playing soccer?

Ali: I played soccer when I was about five or six. Um, I played with my brother on a team called Cosmos, an indoor team where we were like five and six years old. And, um, I remember our green jerseys and every time you'd score you get like a little, you know, iron on star on the back, and, uh, unfortunately I don't think I still have that jersey, but it was really fun because I just wanted to be as good as he was.

Rachel: That's really cute. Well, I, I guess, I guess you did catch up to him eventually.

Ali: (laughs). Yeah.

Rachel: (laughs). Well, when you think back on a time when you were a kid that you really could have used a little guidance from your current self, what comes to mind?

Ali: I think just only controlling the controllables. I think throughout life, you know, you have to fight through adversity. You endure a lot mentally, physically, emotionally, especially within sport. And it's okay to make mistakes, it's okay to fail because when you do, you learn the most. And so I think, you know, just being comfortable in that chaotic, um, environment because along the way I learned that not every coach is gonna like me. Uh, not every coach is gonna value me and appreciate me, but you, you know, have to continue to, you know, go down this path that you want and in order to, to be as successful as you want and how you dream. I think just having that advice, uh, would, would help a lot of the younger girls like it, or, and boys like it did for me.

Rachel: That's really great. And you mentioned you were shy. Was there anything that helped you kind of come out of your shell a little bit?

Ali: I think I was shy because my brother was just nonstop talking (laughs), so like, and I would just follow him and do whatever he did, so.

Rachel: Mm-hmm.

Ali: Um, and I felt comfortable in that. Uh, he was, you know, more of like, uh, a leader when we were younger and I just, you know, wanted to be like him and always around him. So, um, he would always do the talking for me. So I-

Rachel: (laughs).

Ali: ... think, um, eventually I broke outta my shell, but I think early on I was just, I don't know, just shy and reserved and then maybe soccer brought that other side out in me. And as, as I got older and I got, you know, better at the sport and I could feel that as a player, I, you know, gained more confidence.

Rachel: So the next younger self that I wanted to ask you about is what advice you would give to yourself when you were coming out. And I wanted to kind of preface this with queer people come out over and over again in their lives. So this question can apply to a specific coming out or maybe more when you're coming out to yourself 'cause both are important. Um, so I guess to me this is about a coming out that felt really significant to you and what advice you would give yourself when you were going through that.

Ali: Yeah, for sure. I mean, going way back when my brother came out to me when he was a senior in high school, I think it was towards the end of his high school, um, career. Um, and he was moving on to college and he was about to go to spring break and he sat down and he told me he is, you know, he's gay and he's into, um, men and I, I didn't really know what that meant. I was just happy that he expressed that to me and I said, "You know, I don't care who you love, I support you either way, and I love you so much." And so I think I'm lucky to, you know, I've, I've, you know, thought that at that age-

Rachel: Yeah.

Ali: ... 'cause I just didn't know what it meant, you know, we were-

Rachel: Definitely.

Ali: ... we grew up in such a vanilla town and, um, you know, nothing was really visible when I was young. And so then moving on to college, I had this, you know, experience of seeing more visibility with, um, you know, queer individuals. And there were, you know, a couple pairs of, you know, individuals on my team who you know, came out as lesbian, but also just bi or, you know, just were discovering their sexuality at the time. And I didn't really understand it. I just thought men could be together.

Rachel: Yep. Mm-hmm.

Ali: So I'm grateful that I finally stepped into that space because then-

Rachel: Definitely.

Ali: ... a lot to me made sense, even though I had a boyfriend in college for like three and a half years. I then, you know, felt that there was something about me that might want to discover more. And, um, you know, going through this like self-discovery, um, and moving to Germany and playing there for five and a half years, I really, um, was more exposed to an environment that was, I think more accepting of, you know, um, my sexuality and discovery of myself. And I just kind of went for it. And I, you know, uh, was having really great experiences there and, and really finding myself more. And then coming back in 2012, um, that, that started with the NWSL and we started the league, um, and, and moved forward. And so I felt like coming back to the states with kind of this new perspective of, you know, life, but also, um, this new feeling I had of who I was as a human being and living my life, uh, more authentically and in this truth, I could then apply that to coming back home. And played in the NWSL. And then, uh, met my previous partner, um, and we were on the national team together. And then eventually in 2019, I mean, we were together for, since probably 2012, right around that time officially. And then from then till, you know, 2019, we didn't come out really because we were afraid we were gonna lose our job. But that was my, you know, that was a partnership where I felt super confident, comfortable. Um, but I was, I wasn't, as a public figure, I wasn't wanting to make it, you know, um, as public because that was the only thing at the end of the day where I could have some privacy.

Rachel: Yeah.

Ali: And so that's what I valued and that was more so the reason why I never spoke on it. Um, and also we had the same job, so I was afraid we were gonna lose our job.

Rachel: Yeah.

Ali: Playing at the highest level, you just dunno how people are going to react.

Rachel: Yeah.

Ali: And so I was more aware of that. And then, you know, getting sponsorship deals and things like that, I wasn't sure how you know, people and brands were gonna react to, to me and, and her at the time. Um, but then in 2019, we just felt like, you know what F it. Like we we wanna live our lives true and authentic, and we eventually wanna start a family and like, this is us. Right. If you don't like it, then bye.

Rachel: Yeah.

Ali: Um, you know, you need us more than we need you type of type of mentality. And so I think in 2019 was when we came out, um, as engaged. And then, um, the response was incredible. Which I never would've thought in a million years, um, unfortunately, which is crazy to say out loud.

Rachel: Yeah. Yeah.

Ali: But I, I never thought that it would be as good as it did, all of our brands and sponsorships. We even had more opportunities-

Rachel: That's amazing.

Ali: ... after the, we made this announcement and not everyone goes through that.

Rachel: Yeah. Yeah.

Ali: Right. Not everyone has that experience. And so I, I knew right away that okay, this is a situation where I feel super lucky and super grateful to be able to tell this story, uh, you know, a positive story of, you know, a queer couple or lesbian couple that, you know, had just come out and, and, uh, were engaged and he wants to live this life together. And so it, it, there's no right or wrong way to do it, it's just how you feel. And you have to make sure that it's what you want, not what anybody else wants. And that the right time for you might not be when somebody else, uh, asks you or when someone else, I don't know, puts it out there. It's just, it's, it's about how you feel and how you wanna approach it. And I felt like that time was good for me and I was willing to take that risk because I was afraid that I was gonna lose my job and, and other things in my life. So I just went for it and I just, I just felt it in my gut that it was right.

Rachel: Yeah. That's really nice. It's really scary, es- especially when the stakes are high like that. And it's, it sucks that we're still in a world where you weren't sure if it was gonna cost you endorsements or your role in this thing you worked so hard for. Like, but, you know, that's the reality. I'm glad that it went so well for you, but, you know, it's, it's still really scary. It's risky. I think it's so interesting what you said about that lack of visibility, because I think we're around the same age, and I've heard from so-

Ali: Yeah.

Rachel: ... many women this age when they're, who have had the reaction of like, "I didn't know women could be gay." Which is just, it sounds wild when you say that out loud, but like, I think we forget now because so much has changed. Like, it was like Ellen and that was it maybe, or like, maybe a joke on a sitcom, you know, like, it just, it was so different. And I think if you didn't see yourself, you're just like,"Okay, well I guess that's not me." And just like kept, you know, didn't think about-

Ali: Yeah.

Rachel: ... it again. And, and now so much has changed that a lot of women in their thirties and forties and older are realizing like, "Oh, this is something I was missing." And I think that's, that's so exciting because like you said, it is this expansive process where you realize there can be more for you. It's not, you're not losing anything. You have, you get to open yourself up to something new and that's so special.

Ali: Right. And I, you know, I, I was so happy that I was like, "Okay, this is what I've been feeling and missing. Like this is, these are a few answers now that I can take with me. That now I can kind of, you know, work on that and, and understand myself more on a deeper level," where before in college, I was like, "Who am I? What am I doing?" Why am I feeling this way? This is weird." Like, and, and so I feel now that I, from college stepping into, you know, my, um, my experience overseas, I was able to do a bit of self-discovery, which then gave me a whole new perspective on my life. And whether I wanted to be in a lesbian relationship or if I was, you know, experiencing, you know, more of bisexuality experiences. I, I was open to anything at the time because I was just like, "You know what? I could be free and this is me."

Rachel: Yeah.

Ali: "And let's just see where this goes." And, um-

Rachel: That's amazing.

Ali: Yeah. And you kind of just fill your cup slowly and you start, you know, really discovering yourself more. And I, I really am so grateful for that experience. Um, and, and finally being in a, in an environment where it was okay, uh, to, to be me.

Rachel: Well, I wanna pivot a little bit to talking about career stuff, because you've obviously had this really long career really, like filled with a lot of highs, but also there were some lows. Um, so I wanted to talk about the advice that you would give yourself when you didn't make the National Women's Soccer team-

Ali: Mm-hmm.

Rachel: ... 'cause I think we all go through career setbacks, obviously, but with sports, I think it can probably feel incredibly personal and the stakes are very high. Uh, so maybe if you could start by kind of telling people what happened if they're not familiar with the situation, and then the advice you would give yourself if you had to do it all over again.

Ali: Yeah. So I, um, was basically in 2017, I think was trying to continue to make the team, every year you'd have to fight for contracts every January at the time where it was you know, you would get a contract with a national team, and it wasn't like a pay-to-play model where you get invited in now, um, at any moment. And so it's always a bloodbath at a January camp where we're all fighting to make the team. And at the beginning I did, but then slowly I had, you know, just, it was probably after World Cup in 2015 where things started to get a little rocky. And I started to recognize, "Okay, like there's other players coming in and the coach doesn't necessarily value me as much as before, even though I just played 2015 every game in the World Cup." And it just, you know, it was a really difficult year for me. Um, slowly but surely, I, you know, stopped getting called in. Um, and I didn't really get a reason for that. There was never really a, you know, kind of like a closure. That was why it was so difficult for me to move forward um, in my career at the time. And I was devastated. I didn't get called back for a whole year and a half, almost two years. And right before the next World Cup, I get a call because, um, you know, they were in need of, of a defender. And I think I had proved myself, uh, through that time period, and I made it really difficult for them to ignore me. You know, just had the super laser focus of, "I wanna achieve this, and I know I can do it and I'm gonna do it." And I'm, like I said before, I just made it difficult for them to ignore me. And so ultimately my coach at the time gave me a call. We didn't really discuss the, the last-

Rachel: (laughs).

Ali: ... you know, two years because I said, "I'm in a different space now. I'm in a different you know, um, you know, mentality. I am super focused on where I'm at. I don't wanna bring up the past. Let's just like move forward. What do you need me to do? I'm here for the team, I'm here for you, and let's make it happen. Right? Like, I, I'm, I'm open to whatever you need from me, uh, in order to help this team be successful." And so I ended up getting called back into the last camp before the team was chosen for 2019.

Rachel: Wow.

Ali: And somehow, some way I got back into the team right before it mattered most, and we ended up going to World Cup and we ended up winning. And I actually, um, I didn't play as often as they did in 2015 and 2011. But I did get a chance to go into, um, two games. And then the final, I had to, she called on me, uh, when one of our right back, um, Kelly O'Hare, who's my teammate now, she unfortunately had a bad head injury. It was like a concussion so, right before halftime. So then I get the call to, to go in and fill her spot-

Rachel: Wow.

Ali: ... in the second half of the final. And I couldn't believed that. I was just like, "Alright, this is why I'm here. This is exactly why."

Rachel: Yeah. [inaudible 00:15:41] you spent years preparing for this.

Ali: Yeah. Like, just these, these 45 minutes. "This is why I'm on this team right now." And we were 0-0 at the time. So I was so grateful that I could help the team win.

Rachel: Yeah.

Ali: And we won two, nothing. And so that, that's kind of that experience. But I always tried to stay positive. It's easy to to get, you know, into your, into your head and, you know say all the things and reasons why, you know you're not there. But I immediately changed that perspective. I, trust me, it was a really dark time.

Rachel: Yeah.

Ali: And I remember, you know, uh, uh, just like wanting to just quit. And I was so frustrated, I was so angry for the longest time. But then I said, "You know what? Like, that's not me. I, I know how good I can be and I know how I can help this team. So let me turn that on, turn that around into a positive and, and get to work."

Rachel: Yeah. That makes sense. And sometimes it helps to let yourself have that period first-

Ali: Mm-hmm.

Rachel: ... just to be mad and to feel bad, and to not talk yourself out of it, or try to fix it-

Ali: Right.

Rachel: ... or go to the gym right away. Sometimes you just have to be upset-

Ali: Mm-hmm.

Rachel: ... and angry, and then you can get through it. But you're like, "I, I'll, I'll get there eventually. But today there's a little time for wallowing and, and mourning and just, you know, feeling bad," and there's nothing you can do. But it sounds like you really brought a level of focus that I'm just sort of in awe. 'Cause it's hard enough to train, but training when you're kind of down, when you're already, when you're coming from that like vulnerable position, I imagine is so much harder.

Ali: It is. It's really difficult. Yeah. But you just gotta push through. And then, you know, as athletes, you know, everything's at risk, right? But it's worth it in the end if it works out. And so you never know that answer until you try.

Rachel: So the last, um, pass up I wanna ask you about is a little bit more recent. Um, and I wanted to ask you about the advice that you would give yourself as a new mom. So as people listening, probably know you are mom to Sloan and Ocean, who are very young. So you were a new mom not so long ago, which is a famously really difficult period. And I'm curious what you, what advice you would give yourself looking back now?

Ali: Um, I would just say (laughs) buckle in because (laughs), nothing ever goes as planned. You could prep all you want, prepare for, you know, anything and everything. Um, but it really just day-to-day, you have to be willing to, um, kind of just be open to whatever comes. And, um, you always have to think of what if as a mom. So, uh, it's kind of like a spontaneous day-to-day. I, I never know what the day's gonna bring. I'm as prepared as I can be, but, you know, some days the kids can be great, some days they be terribly sick, some days they're gonna have tantrums, some days, you know, everything's gonna flow perfectly. And, you know, all the meals are gonna work out. I mean, I, I literally think that, um, I would tell myself just buckle in because, um, you have to make sure you're, you're open to anything that's, you know, that that could happen. And, and patience is gonna be key.

So no matter how my kids are acting or feeling, or I'm always trying to stay calm in the way that I speak to them too. Um, you know, if they're yelling and screaming and then I'm yelling and screaming and saying, "Stop, or Don't do this or that," you know, that's just not the way that I approach, um, you know, how I am parenting. And so I feel like if I stay consistent, even though sometimes I do wanna yell, and you gotta just like, you know, you get angry and you're frustrated and you just need like, two minute break and you wanna lock yourself into the pantry. But I, I try to stay as calm as I can and just kind of have like, you know a steady, a steady response.

Um, and then I think kids, young kids, ultimately they don't understand why they're feeling certain ways that they're feeling, whether that be really happy, sad, frustrated, all the things, uh, and all the emotions. I would tell myself just allow that to happen. And, um, and just embrace them more instead of tell them what to do about it. Because I would tell Sloan even now, 'cause sometimes she doesn't understand her feelings that you know, I just try to give her a hug and console her and embrace her because I always say, "Listen, it's okay to feel the way that you're feeling." Um, but if she's say throwing things or hitting something, or I'm always like, "It's okay that you're feeling upset or sad or angry or frustrated, but it's not okay to throw your things or your food or…” So I want to allow and give space for all the feelings and emotions because unfortunately as a kid, I don't, um, think that I expressed my feelings and emotions enough. So I think maybe telling my younger self before having kids just allow your kids to feel those emotions and feelings and, and just embrace, uh, the tantrums and-

Rachel: (laughs).

Ali: ... uh, the yelling and the crying and all the things, because those are emotions too. And those are just as important as being happy and excited and joyful.

Rachel: I think that's great advice for new parents. But I also think it's great advice for adults for themselves to just let themselves feel what they're feeling and, and name, what they're feeling and understanding why. I think a lot of people struggle with, you know, they, they know they're feeling something, but it is hard to name it or to understand why they are, you know, maybe acting out or are doing something that they don't, they look back and they regret. So I think just. all of us can probably benefit from pausing and thinking about our emotions, but not trying to stop them. But I imagine as a parent, you probably wanna step in and fix it, and it's really hard to just like step back and, and let them feel what they're feeling without intervening.

Ali: Right. And just giving them time to process.

Rachel: Definitely. All right, Ali, my last question for you, since this is about advice, is what is the best advice you've ever been given?

Ali: Okay. So Sue Bird actually told me this, and I think it was from Will Smith, a quote from him. I, uh, maybe we can fact check this.

Rachel: (laughs).

Ali: But, uh, when I was really going through that hard time, we went on vacation, um, with her and, and Megan and I had asked them both. I said like, "You know, what do you see? Do I hang out my boots? Like, am I that bad? Like, am I not... Like what am I not doing? Like what am I not seeing? This is crazy.” But she had said this to me that I had carried through every, ever since, um, and then she said, "As an athlete, or just even as a human being, um, if you stay ready, you never have to get ready."

Rachel: Rachel here. So we did fact check this, just to be sure. Turns out Will Smith is known for saying, "So if you stay ready, you ain't gotta get ready." And that is how I run my life. But Dejuan Walker AKA Suga Free wrote and performed the 1997 single titled, If You Stay Ready and it includes the lyrics, if you stay ready, you ain't gotta get ready.

Ali: And that is the mentality that I took into my training preparing to get back to the national team during that you know, tumultuous time. And that daunting, confronting time that I had, uh, those two years where I had kind of this whole self-discovery, but that was always in the back of my mind because I knew there was a possible phone call that would be coming. And I needed to be ready for that opportunity 'cause if I wasn't prepared and I wasn't ready, I wasn't gonna make it So I think that advice was gold for me in that moment. And I just, um, I took that along with me, uh, through those, you know, two years and, and then eventually made it back. And, uh, it all made sense then. And so I'm really grateful that she had, you know, given me that advice and that quote to, to really keep, uh, in order to, you know, achieve what I wanted to at the time.

Rachel: Well, that is a really lovely note to end this on, and really good advice. I think that can apply to a lot of different situations. So, Ali Krieger, thank you so much for being here, being our first guest, sharing your wise words with our listeners, and we're so excited to see what you do next.

Ali: Thank you. I appreciate the invite and I can't wait to continue down this path and, uh, support SELF and your podcast.

Rachel: Thank you so much. Advice To My Younger Self was produced by Hayley Fager and Rachel Miller, and edited by Hayley Fager. Peyton Hayes is our audio production coordinator, and Jake Loomis is our audio engineer. Caitlin Brody and Sergio Kletnoy are our talent bookers.

Transcript provided by Rev.com.

#ali krieger

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maochira · 11 months

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About comfort reader after mental breakdown. May I have lavinho or noel pls?

I can do both!

Requests open! - masterlist

Tags: gn!reader, dad!coach, hurt/comfort, thanks to @chsster for giving me the nickname in Lavinho's part!!

Synopsis for Lavinho's part: Your father is always the one who prevents you from overworking yourself, but since he's been away from home for a bit, you started falling into a burnout.

Synopsis for Noa's part: Your father's cold personality often makes you feel as if he's emotionally distant from you, but when you start crying in front of him, the opposite shows.

Lavinho

Your father's positive energy is what keeps your mood up on most days. So as soon as he's away from home for more than a few days, not only does the house feel empty, but so do you. Sure, your mother is there, but even if she tried, she couldn't replace Lavinho's positivity.

Currently, you're in a phase where everything with school is stressful, so you've been spending most of the time in your room to study. And because everything has been so stressful lately, you're always afraid of studying too little and failing your tests and exams. This results in you studying way too much and stressing yourself even more.

If your father was at home, he'd be the one to take you out of your room every now and then. Lavinho knows when you need to take breaks and he's great at getting your mind away from any school related things before you can even start to get stressed.

But he's not at home, and he won't be for many more weeks. And without you realizing it, you've overworked yourself so much to the point where you're exhausted and ready to break into tears at any point if irritated too much.

So of course, today sucked. Your friends couldn't figure out what's wrong with you and didn't know how to help either and your mom just figured you miss your father. While yes, that is true, that's not the main reason why you're feeling awful.

You mother suggested you should call your fad, since he's way better at cheering you up than she is. But for some reason, you're nervous about calling him. There shouldn't be anything to be afraid of, but you fear that he might be mad at you for not taking care of yourself properly.

But at the same time, you miss hearing your father's voice so incredibly much. It takes you a few minutes of staring at your phone until you finally call him, but it doesn't take long until Lavinho picks up. He'd drop anything at any moment if possible because he misses you just as much as you miss him, and also he's afraid of ever missing something important or not being there to listen if you're feeling bad.

"How's my floresinha (little flower) doing?" Is the first thing he asks after picking up, and that's also what brings you to tears.

"N-not so well..." You sob into the phone, which immediately worries Lavinho.

"Hey hey, what's wrong? What's hurting you?" You father asks in a slightly panicked tone. In the background, you can hear other people talking but at the same time Lavinho seems to be walking away from them.

You take some deep breaths in attempt to calm your crying, but that doesn't help at all. And for Lavinho, it just hurts so much to hear you crying like this without him being able to pull you into a hug.

"School has just been... so stressful. And I study all the time because I'm just so afraid of failing and-"

Lavinho interrupts you mid-sentence. "You sound as if you're burnt out. Is that what's going on?"

"...I think so."

Your father takes a deep breath before he continues to talk, trying to sound comforting and encouraging. "You're a smart kid. You know you won't fail, right? You know you don't have to study all the time? You've always been doing good in school without dedicating all your time to it, haven't you?"

"Yeah but I want these exams to turn out perfect so-"

"Hey hey listen," your father interrupts you once more, but he does it in the most caring way possible, "You don't need perfect grades anyways. I'll always love you no matter what."

It's genuinely surprising to hear your father in such a serious tone. Most of the time, even when he's comforting you, he lets a joke slip in every now and then or he ruffles your hair. Very often, he also pulls you into a hug that's so tight, you lose your breath for a few seconds which always makes you stop crying because it catches you off guard.

But that's not possible right now, so Lavinho is trying a different approach. It may seem out of character for him, but he's a little clueless on how to comfort you without any physical affection. Also, he feels throwing in joking when you're burnt out would be inappropriate.

"I'm always proud of you and I always will be, and so is your mother," Lavinho continues talking, hoping whatever he says will make you feel better, "So remember to take breaks even if I'm not at home to drag you out of your room, okay?"

"I'm really trying..."

"Good, because if not..." Lavinho lets out a short chuckle, "Maybe I'll have to tell mom to drag you out of there more often. And as soon as I return home, I'm gonna make sure you're not overworking yourself again. But now take some more breaks, okay?"

Noel Noa

Noa is a great dad. He's an amazing dad. The only thing that bothers you is how emotionless and cold he can come off, even towards you. Most of the time, he's like that only in a few moments. But recently, he's been more tired and also more cold in your presence.

Your father loves you very much and expresses that as much as he can, but his coldness can still come off as emotionally distant more than you'd like. And especially since you've been having a hard time with other things lately, you began bottling up your feelings.

But maybe you've been doing that a little too much. Today, the usual silence at the dinner table feels more like a pressure to you. A pressure about telling your father how you've been feeling. A pressure about telling him that you'd like him to show emotions more often.

And this pressure ends up making you cry. At first, you try to hide it but as soon as the first sob escapes you, Noa's full attention is on you. He's a bit clueless on what to say because asking "Is everything okay?" would be stupid, since it's very obvious that something's wrong.

So for the first minute, you sit there crying to yourself while your father is thinking about what to say to make you feel better. But then, he realizes he really doesn't know what to say.

The next thing he figures out is that instead of saying something, he should be doing something. You're lost in the many thoughts that are running through your head, but then suddenly you feel Noa wrapping his arms around you and lifting you up.

That's something he hasn't done in years. The last time was probably when you were in elementary school. But even though you've grown so much since then, Noa feels as if lifting you up in his arms is the only correct thing to do right now.

“Shh… It’s okay…” He whispers in a soft tone as he holds you up with ease. “Cry it out as much as you need and then you can tell me what’s wrong if you want to, alright?”

He continues holding you up for a few more moments before carefully setting you back down on your chair. He then sits down next to you and waits patiently if you want to tell him what’s wrong or not. Even though his expression is still cold, it’s obvious how worried your father is right now. He has no idea what dragged you down so much to the point where you started crying. And at the same time, he doesn't want to pressure you into telling him - although he really wants to know so he can help.

After a bit, you finally gather some of your thoughts. "Uhm... so... Everything's just been a little hard recently."

Noa's full attention is on you and he nods to show he's listening, but he doesn't say anything yet. He's waiting for you to finish first.

"And sometimes I kind of... I..." Your crying gets a little stronger because it's hard to say the truth after bottling it up. "I kind of wish you wouldn't seem so cold and distant half of the time lately..."

Noa's eyes widen as you say your last sentence. "Do I really come across like that this much?" He asks a little ashamed of himself. "...I'm so sorry."

"No no it's okay-"

"It's not." Noa looks to the side for a moment. He feels bad for seeming cold and distant even around you. "I promise I'll do better on the future, okay?" There's a little smile on his face as he leans over to pull you into another hug, this time with a short kiss on your forehead.

"I'm your father, I should have paid more attention to how I act around you..." His arms around you tighten a little before he finishes talking. "Never hesitate to tell me if you need me to improve on something, alright?"

Taglist (sign-up link): @astruosie @kaineedstherapy12 @zyuuuu @gojosorrygeto @luvcalico @truegoist @vanitasbrainrot @toruden @mafuyudonutt @weichspuelertrinker @acacIa @kermitslefteyeball11 @futuristicxie @bluelock4life @https-archangel @depressed-bitchy-demon @kaiserkisser @yerinsshi

#💟 maochira writes #blue lock #bllk #blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #blue lock x you #bllk x you #lavinho #lavinho x reader #lavinho x you #noel noa #noel noa x reader #noel noa x you

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spookymystery67 · 5 months

Text

I Wish I Could Walk In Heels

AN: I did not re-read this chapter recently as I was busy, so I hope it's alright. Enjoy everyone!

TW: Same old same old. Violence, language, ect. Typical Resident Evil stuff.

Chapter 10:

-September 29, 1998-

Being back at the NEST was not a great feeling for you.

Last time when you were here, you started off blissfully unaware of all that was going to happen in the next week after you left. You thought that you were just going to collect some information on a hard drive, meet with Ben, then miraculously come up with a way to expose Umbrella once and for all. You didn't realize that plan was doomed from the start.

And now, you are back with Leon. Wondering the zombie infested halls looking for wristband pieces to get to the higher leveled parts of the NEST. Easier said than done with all the puzzles and obstacles in your way.

"Why were you so mad at Ada earlier?" Leon asked as you both explored, completely catching you off guard.

"What do you mean? I wasn't mad at her." You said.

"Your face said otherwise."

"I'm not mad at her. I'm mad at the stupid situations that I keep finding myself in. Especially in the last week. Everywhere I turn I can not catch a break."

"So you're not mad at her? Or me?"

"Only thing I'm mad about involving you is the cell block incident. But I guess there wasn't much you could do there. So no, I'm not mad at you."

At Ada, on the other hand, you kind of were. She started off rough, cold-hearted, and business-like. Then it seems like she slowly got to learn some of your personalities and changed parts of herself to manipulate the situations to fit her needs. Was she planning from the very beginning to send you and Leon into the NEST to fight off dangerous unknowns and find the G while she stayed behind? Probably not. But she was planning something. That much you know.

It's not that you hate Ada. You really don't know enough about her to form an opinion. What you hate is being lied to. And you just know you're being lied to. Both you and Leon.

Not to mention Annette did warn you. Granted, you didn't trust her either. But there was some truth to her words.

But you truly don't have the energy to care enough to argue about it. You just want to give Ada the damn G-virus and get the fuck out of the city. Maybe find some motel to shower and fall asleep in forever. You honestly think you could sleep forever at this point.

"I really am sorry about that. I wish there was something I could have done." Leon said.

You shrugged. "Well it's not like I did much curling up into a ball and sobbing like a baby. I was right there. I could have done something. But I didn't. And now Ben's dead. And Katherine too."

"You know it's not your fault, right? None of this is." Leon said, gesturing to the world around him.

"Logically. Yes, I know that. Emotionally, well, I'm a fucking wreck. And the longer I stay here the more difficult it gets to keep it all back."

"You don't have to hold in your emotions. You can feel sad. You can feel pain."

"Yes, maybe later. But right now I don't think we can afford another one of my mental breakdowns."

"You know, we may not really know each other. But just know that I am here for you. You can trust me." Leon said.

You looked at him, debating. You could tell he has a good heart. But you didn't know if you could trust him, yet.

"So you trust me?" You questioned.

"Yes. Yes I do." He said immediately, catching you off guard. You didn't expect that. After everything that happened, you didn't expect him to trust you at all.

"And you trust Ada?" You asked. He hesitated, and you nodded. "You can tell something is off?"

"Yes. But I don't want to jump to conclusions." Leon said.

"You can still be skeptical. I am."

"So you think she's lying?" He asked.

"I don't think she's telling the full truth, at the very least. I don't really know what I think." You sighed.

"Do you think we can trust her with the G-virus?"

"I don't know. But I guess we'll find out soon." You said as you opened the door to where the G-virus was stored.

"Huh, that was easy." Leon said as he walked up and picked up a G-virus sample.

"If you say so." You snorted.

"Now, back to Ada."

You nodded. "After you, Leon."

Suddenly, a siren began to go off throughout the facility, making you and Leon pause and glance at each other.

"Attention. Unauthorized removal of a level four virus detected. Facility lockdown initiated. Self-destruct sequence will begin when lockdown is complete." The computer voice said.

"Fan-fucking-tastic." You sighed.

"Let's go." Leon said, running off with you following right behind him.

You almost make it to the end of the catwalk to the door when something crashes through the ceiling. You quickly turned around and realized it was a mutated William. He looked far worse than when you saw him last. His right arm was far bigger than his left and had a huge eye on it. It was like a whole other being was growing out of him.

"You again." Leon said as you both raised your guns, ready to shoot.

"Move." A voice said from behind you. You turned and saw Annette. "He's mine. This has to end." She raised a weird looking gun at her once husband. Ready to finish this once and for all.

She shoots the gun, causing some weird reaction that makes the mutated Birkin fall to his knees. She reloads the gun.

"What the hell's going on?" Leon asked.

Annette limps forward. "Sorry, William. You left me no choice." She shoots the gun again.

She shoots again and Birkin falls to the ground. Seemingly dead.

Leon walks closer, gun raised in case of any sudden movements. "You called this thing William. Why?"

"Did she not tell you?" Annette asked.

"I didn't even know he had encountered Birkin. I didn't think it was important to tell him."

"It shouldn't have been like this. It's Umbrella's fault, this whole mess." Annette said.

"You're Umbrella too. You're telling me you weren't involved in this?" Leon asked.

"Yes…But we never meant for this to happen." Annette shouted.

"Then tell me everything. Right from the start." Leon said as he walked toward her.

Annette sighed and explained how William had injected himself with the G-virus. All because Umbrella sent in people to retrieve it from him. He didn't want that to happen.

"So you made this monster?" Leon asked, gesturing to the mutated Birkin on the floor.

"We made the G-virus, but we never intended-"

"You can spin it any way you want," you notice the eyeball on Birkins arm open and move. "you're still responsible."

"Watch out!" You shouted as the mutated Birkin quickly shot up and grabbed Annette in his giant hand. Annette screams in pain at the crushing grip and is tossed into a wall.

You watch as Birkin mutates more. Any human resemblance gone. He grew bigger and had more limbs and orange eyeballs on them.

He started to whack and hit at you and Leon. You ducked and tried your best to stay out of range of the four arms trying to grab at you.

The sirens rang louder and the platform you and Leon were on began to sink lower. You turned to see an injured Annette at the control panel.

"What are you doing?" You asked.

"We can't let him get away!" She shouted.

Leon dragged you to the edge of the slowly lowering platform and urged you to jump off. You reluctantly did and he followed. You land on your knees. Not the best place to land with your still healing scrapes and bruises you've developed over the week.

Leon helps you up and you both quickly back away from the platform and take in your surroundings. Metal canisters were placed sporadically all over the floor. You weren't sure what they were filled with.

"Alright. We end this here." Leon said. You took out your shotgun. You weren't sure how helpful it would be in this fight. But it's this or your handgun.

"Class A breach detected. Lab quarantined until the target is neutralized." The computer voice said.

"Aim for the eyeballs and the canisters when he's near it!" Leon yelled over the sirens.

"Okay!" You nodded. Hopefully your aim is on point right now.

So that's what you did. You aimed for the orange eyeballs and canisters that exploded when shot at. Avoiding huge and heavy metal objects that the mutated Birkin kept trying to throw at you and Leon to crush you. At one point, even part of the metal wall was thrown at you.

Eventually, you and Leon finally managed to pop all the orange eyes, puss and goo shooting everywhere. You managed to avoid the goo and the mutated Birkin finally fell to the ground. Hopefully dead for good.

"That was- kind of gross." You grimaces.

"Yeah. Good work Y/n." Leon said.

"What do you mean? You did most of the work."

"Well, mainly because I have all the cool guns. You just have two?" He asked incredulously.

"Hey, I didn't know how to shoot a gun before all of this. I think I have made quite an improvement since then."

"Well you definitely helped. So thank you."

"You're welcome. Now let's get the hell out of here." You said, turning to find the exit to get out of here.

You make your way up the elevator back to where you left Annette.

Once the elevator stopped, you and Leon saw her sitting on the ground leaned up against the wall, gasping in pain from her injuries.

"Jesus. That looks bad." Leon said as you walked to her, leaning down to check on her injuries.

"Feels worse. Believe me." Annette grunted.

"I have a first aid kit, but I don't think it will help much." You said.

"It's fine. I know there is nothing you can do." Annette told you.

"Look, about what you said. I don't know how much I believe it, but I'm willing to-" Leon started.

"Just tell me you'll destroy that G sample." Annette interrupted.

"No, it's evidence. It's going to the FBI." Leon said.

Annette coughed and looked at you in disbelief. "You trust that bitch?"

You shook your head. "Of course not."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Leon asked.

"She's not FBI, she's a mercenary. She's gonna sell it. The G-virus is gonna go to the highest bidder." Annette explained.

That… actually makes sense. It also hurts you slightly. You didn't trust her to begin with, but in a weird way you still felt betrayed. You wanted to think she was actually telling you the truth. That she wasn't going to let the G get into the wrong hands. But of course that wasn't the case.

Leon stood and scoffed. "That's bullshit."

Annette pants in pain and goes to lay on her side. "I hope you're right." She grabs her bleeding side in pain. "But if the G-virus gets into the wrong hands…" Annette collapses. Dead.

"Attention. Self-destructive sequence initiated. Use the Central Elevator to evacuate immediately to the bottom level train platform." The computer voice said.

"Well shit. I guess we're heading to the Central Elevator." You said.

"What about Ada?" Leon asked.

"She's probably already there." You said as you turned to leave the room and find the Central Elevator.

You ran to the elevator and saw that Ada was already there. Just as you had expected. You stopped behind Leon as he slowed his pace. Clearly not in a hurry even with the building about to explode.

Ada limped from the elevator toward where you were stood. Leon slowly walked forward and you stood behind him, slightly irritated by the slow pace.

"I was just thinking about you." Leon tells her from across the bridge.

"That makes two of us." The building rumbles and shakes. "I was getting worried about you two." Ada said as she nervously glanced around.

"Y'know, we make a good team. But I gotta ask you something." As he strolls closer. You decided to walk forward and to stand to the left of him as Ada limped down the stairs.

"The way's clear. Please, tell me you both got it." Ada asked, changing the subject. The building rumbles more, making you grow nervous. Ada is now standing just across from the two of you.

"He has it." You said.

"Oh, I got it." Leon confirmed.

"Let me verify the G sample and we'll get the hell out of here." Ada said, holding her hand out.

"Before we do that… We ran into Annette. She claims you're not FBI." Leon started.

"Can we maybe do this when we aren't in a building that's about to blow up?" You asked loudly as you moved to walk closer to the elevator, ready to get the hell out of there. Leon grabbed your arm to prevent you from moving further. You glared and shook his hand off, now standing slightly in between them.

Ada's hand slowly lowered. She shook her head, seemingly saddened. "Oh Leon…" She took her gun out and pointed it at him. "Why couldn't you just hand over the sample?"

You backed away from the pointed gun, stopping when you realized you're standing just near the edge of the rail-less bridge. That's a safety hazard if you've ever seen one.

"Because I realized, as much as I wanted to trust you…" Leon raised his own gun. "I didn't."

The building rumbled more, making you nearly fumble off the edge. "Guy's, this really isn't the time!" You wanted to move, but you didn't want to risk getting shot at by one of the two.

"I really hoped it wouldn't end up like this…" Ada said. She glanced at you. You weren't sure why though.

"So that's all this was? We were just some pawns to you?" Leon asked, hurt.

"Look, I'm just doing my job." Ada said.

"And I'm doing mine, so drop that damn gun! I'm taking you in."

In where? Raccoon city is destroyed.

"Hand over the sample, Leon. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt any of you." Ada said.

The bridge behind you and Leon suddenly gave out, making you all stumble. You quickly try walking away from the edge toward the elevator, but Ada points her gun at you. You raised your hands.

"Stop it, Ada! I don't have the G-virus and I don't want anything to do with this argument. Just let me go." You said.

You didn't want the G to end up in the wrong hands. But you figured Leon playing hero would make everything turn out alright in the end. As opposed to you, who will just make everything worse.

"Hand over the G and I will." Ada said, glancing at Leon to see if he would react. You looked at her in irritation. And, again, somehow hurt. Of course she would threaten you to get what she wants. She's done it before. Why are you surprised?

Leon regained his footing and maintained his raised gun, before lowering it.

"Then you shoot her, but I don't think you can." Leon said. You widen your eyes at him. What the actual hell, Leon? You looked back at Ada, slowly lowering your arms. You really hoped he was right about that.

Ada held the gun steady for a moment, looking conflicted, and almost pained, as she watched you. The longer you studied her features, the more you realized that Leon was right. She really didn't want to shoot either of you. She looked you in the eyes for what seemed like hours before finally lowering her gun. Defeated.

A gunshot suddenly hit her right shoulder. You jumped in surprise as Ada grabbed her arm in pain and you turned to see Annette standing there, gun in hand.

The bridge gave out more, making you scream as you stumbled and fell over the bridge. Ada slid off too but grabbed your arm as Leon grabbed her, trying to keep both you and her from falling to your death. This reminded you a lot of when you were with Jill.

Ada shouts in pain as your weight tugs on her injured shoulder, but she somehow managed to hold you up. Her blood from the wound dripped onto the exposed skin of your right hand and down your arm, making it very difficult to keep a firm grip.

As Leon grabbed her, the G sample fell out of Leon's pocket, past you and down below into the seemingly endless dark abyss that you were hanging above.

"No one gets that sample now." Annette said, before collapsing once more.

"Leon." Ada huffed, out of breath from the pain and struggling to keep both you and her hanging there.

"Hold on. I think I can-" Leon tries to lift you both, but the building shakes and the catwalk collapses a little more.

"Shit!" Leon grumbled. Struggling with the weight of both you and Ada.

You just hang there helplessly, trying to figure out a way to get out of this, to get you all out of this, but you can't.

"Forget it." Ada said.

"Shut up. I've got you both." Leon desperately stated. You all knew that wasn't true.

"It's not worth it."

"Don't do this."

Ada looks down at you before glancing back up. "Take care of yourself, Leon. Get ready, Y/n."

You looked at her in confusion before widening your eyes in realization. "Don't you dare, Ada."

Before Ada slipped from Leon's grasp, she somehow used her strength, despite her injured shoulder, and swung you up to grasp the side of the bridge, falling into the abyss from the motion.

"No!" Leon and you yelled. You are barely hanging on to the side of the bridge, slipping from Ada's blood and the scrapes on your hands. Leon quickly grabbed your arms and tugged you onto what remains of the bridge. He didn't want to lose someone else.

Once you were on the bridge, you looked down in the darkness, seeing nothing. Ada just saved you. You felt like you were going to cry. You may not have trusted Ada or known her well, but you didn't want her dead. Just another person's death that will haunt you for the rest of your life. That is, if you survive.

The building shook more intensely and the bridge shifted. Leon stood to his feet, still looking down.

"Leon. Leon! We have to go." You shook him back to reality and dragged him to the elevator.

You both made it to the elevator and pushed the button, taking you further down the NEST. Hopefully this train will get you out of here in time.

The elevator finally stopped and you and Leon ran out. The computer voice tells you that there is nine minutes until detonation.

You are stopped in your tracks when Leon looks to one of the surveillance screens.

"Who's that?" He asked.

"Claire!" You said once the frizzy screen clears a bit.

You had forgotten that Claire and Sherry were down here with you, having been distracted by so many other things and trying not to die. It's good to see they were alright.

"Leon? You guys made it down here too!" Claire said.

"Yeah. But the whole place is coming down. Listen to me, do you have Sherry?"

"Yes. I found her." Claire confirmed.

"You need to take her and get out of here. Fast!" Leon said.

"Yeah. There's a way out. We can make it. Where are you now?" The computer started fizzing out.

"Claire. You still there?"

"Leon? Hey Leon, you're breaking up."

"Forget about us. Just get out of here!" The signal was lost. "Damn it!"

"Come on. We have to go." You said as you set off toward the train.

You and Leon did your best to avoid and fight off and plant zombies and whatever else came at you as you went.

"Eight minutes until detonation." The computer voice said. Thanks for the reminder.

You made it to a room that was on fire, quickly trying to get to the door. Flames shot out from the walls, blocking the doorway.

You both turned and you shouted when you saw the Tyrant. Right behind you. How long was it following you?

Your scream was cut off as the Tyrant grabbed your throat and lifted you. This night has been full of déjà vu moments.

"Y/n!"

Something explodes near the Tyrant, making it drop you to the ground. Leon helps you stand and something else explodes again, making the catwalk below you collapse and take you with it.

You both grunt from the impact and roll out of the way as the heavy metal falls way too close to comfort.

"Ouch." You gasped.

"We have to keep going…" Leon grunted.

You both make it to some kind of platform that will take us to where the train is. You find the joint plug to get it started and put it in place, pulling the lever and getting the platform to move.

Something explodes once more and the building shakes, debris falling everywhere. A pillar falls and lands near the platform. You looked up and saw the Tyrant walking on a bridge above you and Leon, trench coat burned off. Its right arm was still on fire and mutated.

"Oh shit..." Leon said.

Yup. This is very familiar.

A piece of structure lands heavily behind you, making you stumble and try to avoid more falling chunks of rocks and the building.

The Tyrant is knocked off the bridge and landed right on the platform that was moving down the hill. Right in front of you and Leon.

With nowhere to run, you had no choice but to try and fight the Tyrant.

"Alright, come on!" Leon said, taking out his gun. You took out your shotgun and loaded it. You didn't have much ammo left for the shotgun. You'll have to resort to your handgun soon.

The battle was mostly you and Leon running around in circles, trying to find the Tyrant's weakness and avoid being hit with a flaming arm.

"Five minutes until detonation." The computer voice warned.

You fumbled and fell to the groin as the Tyrant leaped and hit the floor beside you, making you lose balance and fall. You quickly rolled to a stand and ran to Leon.

"I don't think these guns are doing anything." You said as you swapped out your shotgun for the handgun.

"We have to keep going!" Leon yelled.

The building shook and more beams collapsed. You paused when you saw a weapon case with a rocket launcher land on the platform. Where the hell did that come from?

"Where did this thing come from?" Leon asked, just as confused.

"I don't know! Just use it." You yelled.

Leon quickly grabbed the rocket launcher and shut the Tyrant, making the entire top half of the creature get shot off and killing it once and for all.

You watched in disbelief as the bottom half of the Tyrant fell to the floor. "Holy shit! Can I have that?" You asked, reaching for the rocket launcher.

"Hell no." Leon said, pulling it out of your reach.

"You have arrived at the bottom level." The computer voice said as the platform reached its destination.

You ran off the platform and toward the exit. Zombies started flowing out of the door and you backed up as Leon used the rocket launcher to blow them to bits.

You reached the railroad and saw the train had already departed. More explosions and debris fell behind you and you both gasped.

"Shit. We gotta get out of here." Leon said.

You sighed and you and Leon ran as fast as you could to jump into the train before it was gone for good.

You quickly pulled yourself onto the moving train and dragged Leon on as more explosions went off and heat grazed your skin.

The train makes it to the safety of the tunnel, taking you away from NEST. You and Leon sat on the train's edge and took a moment to catch your breath.

Leon grunted in pain and grabbed the wristband Ada gave him from his pocket.

"I can't believe I actually miss her…" Leon said.

You glanced at him. "Well, she made quite an impression, Leon. I'm not surprised."

"Do you miss her too?" Leon asked.

You paused. Did you miss her? You didn't really know her well. At all, really. But part of you did feel guilty about what happened to Ada. Maybe Leon would have been able to save her if she hadn't been holding onto you. She wouldn't have fallen to her death.

"I wish I could have gotten to know her more." You simply said.

Leon hummed and nodded, tossing the wristband off the train.

You stand up and hold out a hand for Leon. He took it and you both tiredly made your way to the door of the train.

"Claire!" Leon said when he saw Claire and Sherry standing in the room.

"Leon!" Claire said, surprised and happy to see him. She looked at you. "And you! I don't think I ever got your name."

"Y/n. Good to see you and Sherry are alright." You said.

"It's so good to see you both!" Claire grinned.

"I told you I'd make it out, didn't I?" Leon smiled.

"You did."

The train suddenly shook violently. It came from the train car behind ours.

"What was that?" Claire asked.

"I don't know." Leon said.

"Nothing good, I assume." You muttered.

"You two stay here with Sherry. I'm gonna go check it out." Claire declared.

You both nodded in agreement. You watched as she left and stood there for a few minutes, waiting.

You heard gunshots and you and Leon looked at each other with concern. You open the door and see Claire trying to kill some mutated monster that had taken over the entire train car.

"Claire!" Leon yelled as Claire fell over. "We gotta lose that car!"

Leon got to work trying to disconnect the cars as you tried to help Claire by shooting the monster with any bullets you had left.

Claire stumbles up, and with a large metal pole in hand, stabs the giant eyeball of the mutated monster.

"You like that?" Claire yelled. "Goodbye fucker!" She pulled the pole out and goo shot out of the eye. The monster screeched in pain.

"Grab my hand!" Leon yelled.

Claire was quickly pulled to the train car you were standing in. The other train car with the monster disconnected and fell behind, falling into the flames chasing the train from the explosion.

You all continued watching the flames in silence. The train quickly sped away from the NEST and away from Raccoon City.

You sighed and closed your eyes. Resting for however long this train will go.

-September 30, 1998-

When the train had made it out of the tunnels and to its final destination, you realized it was now daytime. You had made it another day. You had made it of Raccoon City.

"So, are you guys like boyfriend and girlfriend?" Sherry asked Leon and Claire. You all were walking along a road in seemingly the middle of nowhere. No specific destination in mind yet.

"No, we're just uh… well we actually just met…last night?" Leon said.

Claire huffed a laugh. "Yeah... That would have been a helluva first date, though."

"Yeah. You have no idea." Leon said.

"What about you two?" Sherry asked, pointing to you and Leon.

"Nope. Same thing. We just met last night." You told her. Not wanting to get in depth about your preferences.

Sherry nodded, before pointing forward. "Look! He might be able to give us a ride."

We all looked forward and saw a semi truck heading our direction down the road.

"What if it's not just the city?" Claire asked.

"Get Sherry out of here." He told you both.

"Come on." Claire told Sherry. You three made some distance, just to be safe. From what? Zombie drivers?

The truck just drove by you four with a middle finger pointed at you all. You snorted. What an ass.

"Well he was friendly." Leon shrugged with a laugh, making you chuckle.

"So… is it over?" Claire asked as she and Sherry ran up.

"I don't know. But if it's not, we'll stop it. Whatever it takes." Leon replied.

"Yeah, you're damn right we will!" Claire agreed.

"As long as we stick together, we'll be fine. Come on." Leon said.

You weren't sure how long you planned to stick around with them. But for the foreseeable future, you had nowhere else to go.

Claire and Leon each grab one of Sherry's hands as you walk behind them.

"Hey! you guys could adopt me." Sherry said.

"Uh." Leon started.

"Adopt you?" Claire laughed.

Oh, sweet Sherry, we're all in our early 20's. I don't really think we're ready for children. You didn't want to be the one to tell her and crush her spirit, though.

"We can get a puppy!" Sherry continued.

"A puppy?"

"And a parrot."

"A parrot? Great…"

"I always wanted pets, but my mom said they were too messy."

"Eh…yeah." Claire agreed.

You smirked and shook your head, sighing in exhaustion. You desperately wanted a bed. But from the looks of it, you all had a long way to go. You desperately needed a break from everything soon.

You just hoped everything from here on out will go smoothly.

#ada wong #resident evil #ada wong x reader #resident evil x reader #claire redfield #jill valentine #leon kennedy #raccoon city #idk what else to tag

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super-hero-confessions · 2 months

Text

Wednesday was a very important show for me because of how it reflects female loneliness. There's also the fact that I'm a goth and a fan of the Addams Family from the 60s and the 90s, however the "loneliness in girls" aspect of the Wednesday show hit me like a truck.

It is known that men are lonely. I know this because when a man I don't know has approached me somewhere, as a woman my guard was up, and it wasn't the case with other women, we are more likely to trust other women. Men are expected to know how to put up with loneliness, while us women are expected to be more social and have a lot of friends. A woman without friends is seen as weird, while a lonely man is also seen as weird. (And I really don't like how a lot of people want to create a war between sexes - there are pros and cons to each gender). Loneliness as a female has been really hard for me, because I was aware of that social pressure, the idea that if a guy has no friends, "he doesn't need them", but if a girl has no friends, "there is something wrong with her". I mean, something was up with me, indeed. I am autistic but I was never diagnosed as a kid, and the fact that I am a goth also made people want to get away from me. Just because something was "wrong" with me (NO I don't think having autism is wrong, but going undiagnosed is because it can ruin your life) it doesn't mean I deserved to be so alone. Does any child deserve that? I don't think so.

Wednesday is not used to having friends so when people try to get close to her, she pushes them away, consciously or not. Because being alone is all she knows. But does she like being alone, or was she simply forced to get used to it? I can't answer that question for her, because I can't answer it for myself.

I didn't like how in this version, the Addams family don't get along. What made other versions of the Addams so great was that despite being weird, creepy and spooky, they were a supportive family. So yeah, they changed a key aspect of the family and I don't like that. But I still appreciate the show for representing the way I feel. It was an eye-opener, seeing how loneliness can make you push others away just so they can't push you away first. You very much develop a "well they'll leave me anyway so I might as well push them away now" mentality. I'm a young adult now and idk if it's too late for me to change this. Maybe it's not, but I am comfortable this way, like Wednesday is. It's comfortable even though it hurts, because it's what you are used to. Every time I've made a new friend, I've thought "it will work this time. Now I've found the right friends, they'll accept me like I accept them" and it's never the case.

To any Wednesdays like me out there, I hope you find your people, and if you don't, that's okay too. What makes Wednesday awesome is how emotionally independent she is, so don't blame yourself if you can't find friends. If you do find them, however, I hope you aren't disillusioned enough to shut them out. Take care.

#confession #rant #wednesday

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egg-emperor · 7 months

Note

Your analysis has been really interesting to read through, but ngl the whole mess around text interpretation has led me to ruminate on the fandom's doings a little. This probably will turn into disjointed ramblings, so please bear with me.

What I think is causing this cognitive dissonance is exactly that cutesy framing of some of Eggman and Sage's moments. Like, I don't believe that Sage was intentionally made to soften Eggman up or something, I believe that he can play the "family" act to keep her loyal to him. However, I won't deny that during my watch of a friend playing it, this specific framing left a slightly weird aftertaste, which I now see is what can easily cause so many misinterpretations of the scenes. Like, for example, the memo with Sage's pronouns. After seeing a lot of talk around the memos in general, what seems to throw people off from thinking that Eggman could be just using this as yet another play into her view of him as her father to keep her loyal is "why does he suddenly care about endearing himself to his own creation when he freely disregarded his previous creations". It can be interpreted in character, but there's just a smidge of off-ness that can be hard to wash out for some.

Not gonna lie, I kinda envy the ability of people like to at least mostly ignore the majority of the fandom's shenanigans and drama, cause I think that also plays a part imo, specifically this weird need to somehow ingratiate Sonic as a series to the mainstream, generally non-fan crowd. Like, the onus obviously should be on the people who misinterpret the text and see what's not there, yet these people also tend to be the loudest. And most non-fans seeing it just assume that's what the fandom as a whole thinks, and that's what the text actually is about. After all, nowadays Sonic is all but advertised as "its a kids game for babies so don't think about the story too much, it doesnt make sense in the end anyway", even by fans trying to genuinely recommend the series sometimes. And you'd think that there'd be pushback against this sort of mentality, but somehow, a majority of the Sonic fandom remains almost... defeatist? Like, either they can't argue to save their lives or just passively accept the misinformation. The people actually doing the analysis and all get disregarded as no-life nerds and are told that "no amount of analysis can make a product worth the money".

It's just... I dunno how or why or when it all started going like this, but at some point, the way people talked about media in general just caused immensely screwed. Discussions only seem to happen when someone wants to further validate their pre-established biases about a thing and it all just feels wrong.

Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to read and consider my analysis.

We seem to feel quite similarly. I'm not a fan of the cutesy framing of certain moments because it's not my thing and definitely makes it easier for fans to misinterpret. The casual fan, especially if they don't catch all context in the memos and apply them to the scenes to notice the undertones and understand Eggman's side of the dynamic, or if they're the kind who that stuff can appeal to and affect emotionally/they'd rather ignore the more unsettling aspects in discomfort, they're going to get it wrong.

I think the cutscenes mostly have the issue of focusing too much on Sage's side of the dynamic over Eggman's. A bunch of most important details of Eggman's side comes from the memos, which is great from the standpoint of being right from his personal perspective and words, so we get to know exactly how he thinks and feels- but not so great for those who won't listen or piece together what they learned from them with the scenes for needed context.

But Sage wasn't supposed to soften Eggman up. In the story he's still a bad guy wanting to do bad, wishing he could get out of Cyber Space to, and Sage appeals because of what she can do for him, how she's crucial to his survival, supports his desire for world domination and shows undying loyalty. The way some moments are framed as cute doesn't take away from it, a unhealthy dynamic can appear as cute and wholesome with unsettling undertones.

Ian Flynn pretty much describes it that way by saying you're supposed to feel happy for Sage but Eggman is a bad person and warming up to it for all the wrong reasons. It's intentionally more complex than what the loudest people who love and hate it are saying. I can see what Flynn means because all the pieces are there in the actual game for me to point out and analyze. They just could've been emphasized a bit more.

All you need is the memo where he talks about liking how Sage is loyal and efficient and accepting the father role because it can emphasize his genius and the pride he can take as her creator, then apply it to every interaction and you can see it. Eggman can play the act to appeal to Sage's desire for that dynamic and praise her actions as a way to further encourage her for her loyalty and efficiency, all for those selfish benefits.

It's how manipulation works and Eggman absolutely can and will play up the part with these conditions for the benefits, he's done similarly in the past. It's intentionally not done in the common verbal and physical abns!ve way like he does most commonly with his other creations, it's more emotionally manipulative. It makes the most sense for how he wants to further encourage her good work and loyalty, not lose it.

I can get why you felt that way. It's part of why I had the wrong idea of Frontiers Eggman's at first and it ruined my first experience playing it. The cute framing of certain moments, combined with fans taking these scenes and latching onto the misinterpretations from the moment it dropped and drilling into your head how they think we should think and feel while ignoring key details that disprove it, made me believe it for too long.

But had I not seen the misinterpretation and paid attention and did my usual analysis, which I closed my mind to in my first playthrough in ignorance, I would've caught on a lot faster. Just like how knowing what I know now after properly analyzing it then going into Final Horizon and avoiding what fandom was saying, made my experience more pleasant and let me think and interpret for myself. The fandom is still mostly to blame.

Yeah, the cute moments can give the wrong idea when you don't have all the context. But the context is in the game to piece together and understand why it's happening in a way that works for Eggman's character. I also think while he is of course playing the act, it's also framed cute as it is because we're seeing it more from Sage's side in the scenes, as it's a very different vibe in the memos where it's actually Eggman's side.

Maybe always being able to see the worst in Eggman (positively and affectionately lol 🥰💜) helps but I only see the memos as unsettling now. His creation starts to appear as more of a person to him so he thinks about how he can use it to his benefit by taking pride in his impressive scientific ability to create something so life-like as an artificial creation over the unimpressive traditional organic way he scoffs at and expresses aversion to.

He says if he created life it'd be "loyal and perfectly effective", which is fucked up thing to look for in your child, and says it's specifically because he's the genius creator/father, giving himself all credit and taking pride in her accomplishments as a reflection of his genius. It's selfish, egotistical, creepy, everything a parent shouldn't do. I can see what makes it unsettling in all his words. So many things are wrong with him I love it 😋💘

I really don't have much of an issue with that memo. It's one of the most misinterpreted but it's simply where he starts to realize that almost the whole time he's been calling her a "she" instead of an "it" like the program she was created to be. He actually starts just five after first mentioning her, in memo 13. He subconsciously sees her as a person and refers to her like such that fast due to how human and life-like she is.

Three memos after he's like wait why am I calling it a she? And wonders whether to call her an it like the program she was created to be or a she like he's seeing her as instead. Then another three after comes the disturbing memo about him creating life, so him establishing whether he's going to call her "she" or not leads to him thinking about how he can take pride and credit in her by establishing himself as her genius creator/father.

It's another of those cases where if context is removed it's more likely for people to get the wrong idea, especially if they're the type to be blinded by the cuteness factor but when you have the context of before and after and considering the important terms of why he values her at all with the she's an impressive life-like loyal and efficient creation and her dad is a genius memo, again it makes sense and is in character.

The "she's the best" line is one of the only parts I'd change, he's far too egotistical to say that about anyone else. It doesn't make sense because the whole reason he values her is what she does for him and the pride he can take in her, literally because he sees himself as the best person ever lol. Just specifying what she's the best of, like of his creations or something would've worked, not making it sound like he's saying in general.

But guess what? Apparently it was changed in Japanese in the translation I saw, to say she was just doing great or something lol. It's a case where I can make sense of it in English as her being the best in a specific area can again give himself credit as the creator as he's intentionally supposed to but the word choice was poor. But every time I felt a line should've been changed a bit, the Japanese version had me covered. XD

Back to the point- it's also important to consider that he's praising her in this memo with the important preface of saying that Sage has been crucial to his survival in Cyber Space and listing the ways she has served him well. It's on the condition of him getting something out of it every time. And in memo 19 we know he wants to take pride in her skill and accomplishments and take credit as her creator, so any praise is self praise.

So I can't be mad at the game, I think even in moments that had some level of cuteness factor to appeal to those into that which certainly worked on them, there was established context that made it work and in character, enough to piece it together and understand it. But some people's minds go blank with the "aww so cute" reaction and desire for it to be simply pure and wholesome so they don't think about it any more to do so.

I've been learning to avoid it just by stepping back from fandom because I'm less interested the more I see the drama and bad takes. Now I only see things if I'm forcibly subjected through someone else putting it on my dash/it's recommended/etc. A large majority of fandom is anti canon and literally admit it so I feel like I don't belong in it as a huge fan of it that enjoys celebrating it in my fan creations and discussions.

It suffers from the simplification and sanitization that modern fandom tends to do now, so they can fit all characters and stories into certain boxes and use them as bases to project fan character traits and concepts onto instead of celebrating canon. It makes it more appealing and mainstream and easier to consume by the crowd that stuff succeeds in appealing to. It's to the point it replaces people's memory/idea of it.

So of course from the outside looking in especially, non fans are going to believe that's what the text actually contains, especially since they get exposure to the fandom's twisting of canon and it's drilled into their heads how to think and feel about it by them, before they've even seen the games themselves. Then they find it hard to shut that out and look at the games alone for what they are. That happened to me with Frontiers.

Then of course you have people acting like the series "is just for babies and inconsistent and not good anyway you shouldn't think too hard about it", as if Sega JP especially haven't shown themselves to be incredibly passionate about the stories and characters they write. It is supposed to be that deep lol. And thinking that deeply is a good thing, as if it's better than just shutting our minds off and consume product.

That's why I've allowed myself to think as deeply as I want about Frontiers. I love analyzing every moment and line down to the last word and detail. Regardless of opinion on the concepts and how they were executed, it was intended to be thought about. I don't think it should be considered micro analyzing and thinking too hard about something ever. I'm looking at it in ways official writers have described it to be anyway.

The mentality is popular so there isn't much pushback. Plus I'm starting to see it in both people who say they don't like the games and those who say they're fans so I feel alienated for wanting to think deeper and seeing there can be more than meets the eye with characters and scenes. While clarification can be important so things aren't misinterpreted quite as easily, it's nice for there to be stuff to think about.

Nobody really wants to debate and discuss now. A majority intentionally oppose learning more about the media or hearing out other people. They take the challenging of one's perspective or a disagreement as an argument and act like it's intended as hate from the other person when that's not the case. They're like "I don't want to change my opinion, nobody can convince me, let me enjoy things how I want", etc.

I myself was a bit ignorant at first on the topic of Frontiers. I was convinced I didn't like Eggman's portrayal but it was all based on what fandom was telling me it was and how to feel when the actual game was actually way different. When I finally took suggestions of new perspectives, then shut fandom out and focused solely on canon with my mind open and willing to analyze it again, I saw it in a new light and enjoyed it.

Now some certainly think I'm a low life nerd, as I've been told "it's nice to be a fan until it "becomes serious" and by people saying they don't care what I have to say as if I have to do exactly what they want- because it's bad to be passionate and wanting to think deeply about something I guess. :P I'd rather be doing that than shutting it down. Canon is cool, analysis is good, being passionate and thinking about stuff is fun.

You really hit the nail on the head with that. I've always enjoyed being open minded, analyzing media carefully, hearing out different perspectives, and having discussions. But I made the mistake myself at one point with Frontiers and I regret it because as soon as I realized I almost became what I was against and changed it for the better, it became a lot more enjoyable again. It's always good to stay open minded!

#dr eggman #eggman #dr robotnik #dr. eggman #asks #my post #sonic frontiers

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emmettland · 2 months

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heavy vent

i'm so tired of feeling so drained, in every way possible. physically. mentally. emotionally. creatively. i'm trying so hard to do what i love, but it's like i'm not loving it, i'm not loving anything now. i read the words i type and just see something lukewarm, underdeveloped, nowhere near greatness. i open up my canvas to draw and it's just the same shapes, same ideas, same concepts, same struggles. it's all flat and monotone where there used to be life.

i've dealt with some very bad depressive episodes. i don't think i've ever dealt with one this long. it's not that there aren't moments of happiness and relief -- it's just that it hurts more knowing the empty, bitter gray will suck me back in once they end, and i'll make myself even more jaded wishing i could get them back, make them stay.

i want to do something self-destructive, but it would negatively affect the people i live with, the people who still manage to care about me, and i also need to take care of myself enough to take care of Peggy, even though that's become a slog through the gray too. wake up, walk dog, feed dog, feed self. distract from the bad feelings.

i want to work and be productive, but whenever i sit down to do commission work, i'm reminded of my shameful unemployment. whenever i sit down and try to get in the zone while working on a project, all i can think about is how the high won't last. the interest will fade. i'll do brilliant things with it, and then abandon it, and then grieve over something that i decided to leave behind.

all that comes out of my mouth now are excuses, or silence, because talking leads to venting and i can only vent about the same problem, the same feelings (just getting worse), so many damn times before that vicious little voice in my head keeps telling me i'm the problem.

i was better for a while. i got used to ignoring it. i even got to a point where i believed it wasn't right. when i believed people telling me i wasn't a bad person, that my work was worthwhile, that i was worthwhile. i believed it, i accepted it, i fucking loved myself.

i climbed all the way to what felt like the top, only to come tumbling down, down, down. it never changes, and i never learn. the higher you go, the farther you fall. when in my life have i ever found the key to happiness and actually held onto it? it's a delusion. everything is just a fucking delusion and i can't tell why. is it my brain chemistry? do i need pills? is it the unemployment? is it getting older? is it my own choices? if the answer was just written out for me, i could solve it, because i help solve other people's problems, why not mine?

i'm not suicidal. i'm not. i sound like a raving mad man while i type this out at seven in the morning, but this is the most real that i've felt, the words are actually clear to me and not just blurry shapes behind a wall of I'm Fine, I'm Polite, Don't Worry. everything is making sense right now and the words are so bright and sharp, it's almost like digging and digging and finally finding something in the ground.

i don't want to die. i'm not sure if i want to be understood. i don't need everyone to love me, just my family and friends is fine, i would also like to be included in that equation. i think about dying all the time, but i don't want to die, trust me. i just want help. i need help, and maybe spitting out so-called edgy nonsense on my blog isn't going to help me, but maybe it's good not to backspace and delete everything. maybe it'll give my therapist something to work with because i always forget to say things in the moment.

i can't even say i'm having a breakdown. that's singular, an isolated event. this is breaking down. i'm losing it, i'm fucking losing it, but believe me, i'm holding on. it might not look like it, but i'm grabbing and not letting go, even when my grip starts to slip. my dad's an alcoholic and turned to drinking when he got laid off. my dad made my mom cry so many times when i was a kid because he let go and i won't make that mistake, i won't make mom cry, even if she doesn't live here. i will not end up like him.

#emmett vents #i'm not tired at all but i'm going to bed #i'm feeling a little off the rails

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kowalskiology101 · 2 months

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My MoFy ranking of 6 main adult characters' parents seen and unseen from loved to despised by me

I come and go from this site as I please. These are my personal opinions. The parents of the 6 main adults who were adults from the beginning.

1.Frank Dunphy- Always supportive and comes to things like seeing his granddaugther's boyfriend's band play in an under 21 club with his daughter in law's brother's gay partner. Always wants Phil to follow his own path and dream big. The biggest dreamer in the show.

2. Grace Dunphy- I feel like how she impacted the characters really says a lot about her. And she wanted someone to take care of Frank after she died even if that relationship didn't work out. And she's one of the few adult family members who seemed to understand and relate to Alex.

3. Jay Pritchett- Mostly high up based on his ability to change through the series. Later seasons didn't do season 5 finale Jay justice as much as it should. He still had issues with Joe's toenails being painted or Manny not being 'manly'. But he and Mitch did come to the middle a bit and I love his overall character arc.

4. Pilar Ramirez- Mainly because the next two are unseen and the rest aren't great. She's very protective of her daughter and she does care about family.

5. Fulgencio Ramirez- honestly we don't know much but from how Gloria describes him, he sounds pretty decent. He could be tied or switched with Jay's mom simply because we don't have enough info.

6. Jay's mom- She seems a bit stern as she didn't like Mitch cutting his spaghetti (depending on how old a kid is, I'd cut spaghetti so they don't choke) but definitely stuck up for Jay when he was being berated by a coach when he was a kid.

7. Merle Tucker- He did have an affair in 1977 but that was pre series and resolved off screen. He may have made a cake topper and visited willingly and given presents, he really was still uncomfortable up to the date of the wedding. We only saw him 3 episodes (2 if you count the wedding as one big episode) He couldn't even tell the two dudes that the 'father of the bride' doesn't exist because sons are gay. Granted, Jay didn't either, but Merle seems like a pretty uninvolved parent. Uninvolved to the point of letting Barb do what she wants and not paying attention to how his kids are being raised. We don't know much about Cam's other siblings, but Pam and Cam are a result of bad parenting (I know script says they do this and that and I know it's a sitcom and not that deep, but I'm a writer and this is my current fandom obsession. So it is that deep for the stories)

8. Dede Pritchett- I'll just echo something Mitch said in the crazy train episode and should've remembered "She's a scheming dragon woman hell-bent on destroying everyone around her" (I actually disliked Mitchell the most in Good Grief for dismissing how horrible Dede was to Claire)

9. Jay's dad- While Dede was a living presence, she really impacted one generation. Jay's dad impacted two. His son and grandson by emotional neglect. He's not mentioned that many times but when he is mentioned around Mitch, the redhead is silent (could just be script choice and me reading too much into it-shush, my opinion). Claire does mention him going on a racist rant about Pearl Harbor bc he saw sushi in a store in the seventies. I admit some fanon interpretations have impacted me, but I don't feel like it's a long shot to assume he was in some form mentally/emotionally abusive. There is a mentioned incident of Mitch not being able to stand salt and vinegar chips due to childhood trauma when he was seven and Cam knows since he was more concerned about Lily underperforming in a talent show at that moment and said 'can't relive this with you right now'. It could be a bully who made him eat the chips, I personally headcanon it being Mitch's grandfather forcing him after he tried one and spit it in the trash.

10. Barb Tucker- What could be worse than narcissistic, scheming dragon lady mother or man who spurred generational (at least emotional) trauma? My issues with Barb were initially just her continuous sexual assault of Mitchell (damn writers for just being ok with this) and being cheated on in the past doesn't absolve her of future crimes. What she did to Mitchell was bad enough, but I've been thinking of her impact on Cam and how not only did she baby him and treat him like the golden child, but years after Cam and Mitch were married, Barb seemingly 'still blames herself to this day' for Cam being gay because she once washed his mouth out with soap in the shape of (leaning tower of Pisa or Eiffel tower). So that got me thinking is she trying to scare Mitch away and somehow turn her son straight? Barb will always be the character I dislike most on this show. More than Pam because it's at least partially her fault Pam and Cam are so 'high and mighty' . Yes, even more than Gil Thorpe.

#modern family #cameron tucker #mitchell pritchett #jay pritchett #gloria pritchett #claire dunphy #phil dunphy #pls take with grain of salt or mountain of salt #reviews

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epickiya722 · 11 months

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BurnBunny & Here's Why!! ❤️‍🔥🐇

Actually, for a while, I didn't know why I shipped Burnin and Miruko. And honestly? My ultimate reason now is because I just like to.

They're two enjoyable characters to me and I just like seeing them as a ship.

Over the months (since the end of last July) of shipping them, I have found what makes them an enjoyable ship for me and why right now they're my favorite Miruko and Burnin ship.

Now, I'm not writing this to convince anyone to ship them, I don't care if you do or don't. Because so, I honestly don't care for any disputes over any "points" I make here. If you disagree, I respectfully you just keep it to yourself.

This post is written for fun. I don't care for the "Well, I like this ship better" or anything like that.

For once, how about we remember what boundaries are and that shipping shouldn't be some high school debate? Okay? Okay then!

Onwards to what I came to love about BurnBunny!

❤️‍🔥🐇

The Characters!

It is no secret that Miruko is my #1 GODDESS of BNHA. I adore her, I think she's great and I love how both her voice actresses (Sayaka Kinoshita and Anairis Quinoñes) portray her voice in sub and dub.

I bring up voice acting because that's also something else I love about Burnin. I grew up listening to Lisa Ortiz since I watched 4Kids so hearing her as Burnin in dub did give me pleasant flashbacks to my childhood Saturday mornings. I'm also giving props to Misato Kawauchi here.

I just like both their sub and dub voices, okay?

Besides, the voices, I find both characters fun from personality to design.

They're underrated. First off, Burnin should get a lot more credit for dealing with Endeavor and the agency. Like??? I do not see a lot of other female sidekicks for him (the women in WHM were actually not from his agency). Burnin is really the only woman I see. Could you imagine being in her shoes?

And then Miruko?! Oh my gosh, don't get me started on Miruko! She has to be emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted hopping from place to place BY HERSELF.

Let me be real here, if I didn't like either of these characters, I wouldn't see the point of having a ship for them.

If I ship characters, that means I like them individually, too. I just never understood having a ship yet hating one of the characters. I just don't and never will.

Shipping them has made me appreciate them more because of just how much deep diving I have done to understand each character (more so Miruko). I explore what I can and get my mind going to come up with headcanons and theories and the like.

Potential Chemistry!

They are alike by personality and they kinda balance each other out. They can easily understand each other without having to guess and not tiptoe around problems. They can be blunt with each other.

Hear me out now.

Both Miruko and Burnin come off as characters to me as people who do love a thrill, who doesn't mind getting dirty, but at the same time does want someone to comfort them without babying them. Want someone to tell them how it is, but also is capable of being gentle and considerate.

Off rip, neither of them would hesitate to make a move. To me, Miruko would be the one to realize if she likes someone, when the time is right, she is telling that person how she feels. She would regret not doing it. Burnin, same way. She comes off as a straightforward person.

They would also understand each other. Miruko and Burnin can confide in each other because of having similar workplace experiences. They can go home to each other and talk to each other about their days of having to deal with other Heroes and saving people. They can comfort each other after some asshole criticizes them unfairly. They can treat each other to cuddles and making snacks and pillow forts because that's what they know the other needs.

The Vibes!! The Idea of Them!

Just think!! You got these two badass, gorgeous women! They could be a power couple in my eyes, have each other's backs both be it fighting villains or grocery shopping together.

Burnin can be the sun to Miruko's moon!

Just see the vision here, folks!

The idea of these two being all cute with each other?

THEY HAVE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE, BY THE WAY!!!

The Fics!

It's just so easy to writing these two, even with how little I have to go off from canon. They haven't interacted once in canon, but for my fics?

I was able to come up with a shared backstory that just fits! They went to rival hero schools, met one time during a joint school event, became friends while also having a rivalry and stayed friends for years before deciding "Hey, we should be girlfriends".

Like I need this fandom to enjoy rare pairs and F/F ships a little bit more because oh my gosh these two!!

I visualize when I write so, just the mental image of Miruko and Burnin being all soft and sweet with each other has me! Like Miruko is at the height that Burnin can kiss her forehead, just saying.

Look, after months of writing fluff fics of them I have accepted it's what I needed in life. Remember when I mentioned how shipping them made me appreciate and understand the characters? Even with, again, little from canon?

Yeah, writing them in fics got the creativity flowing and forging a relationship that could exist while also giving each other character more individually. It feels great. They're both characters that work like empty canvas that I can add on more colors onto.

They Can Be Anything I Want!

Given that this is a rare pair, they're not very popular in this fandom. While, yeah, some may say it sucks but I also came to appreciate them being so underrated.

For one, shipping discourse. I doubt there is any discourse about Burnin and Miruko as a ship because little people think about them as a ship. I doubt I will find them in some ship war because again, they're underrated.

And the beauty is I can write them how I envision them to be and rarely I'll get someone to oppose my vision. (I haven't yet and I don't want to.)

What sometimes suck about liking a popular ship is the amount of discourse and fights you'll see around it. Be it preferences in bed or who cooks and who cleans... just arguments over every little thing.

It's like people can't have different opinions, everyone must agree on one vision for that ship. 🙄

It's tiresome, it's stupid and that's why I stay in my own little corner.

Now I have my own vision of BurnBunny I enjoy and I'm sure one or two people may not see them how I do. But no matter how much I love them as a ship, I'm not the "top shipper" for them and will dictate how others should see them, just throwing that out there.

❤️‍🔥🐇

That's really I have to say for these two? Again, not looking to start a whole group of BurnBunny shippers (that sounds like a lot of work...). Not trying to convince anyone they're the best ship or anything.

Just voicing my thoughts! Just rambling here.

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