#identity and the feeling back to back makes me euphoric

[thehardkandy]

Devin Wild - Against Time

On another note, I've finally stopped sleeping on Devin Wild lately. Lots of good tunes

#i remember him releasing on the random upload channels all them years back alongside szp and cyber and sylence and such #they were all their own neat sort of class that taken some different turns #since i think cyber has started releasing again? though unfortunately to this day I still sorta prefer a lot of the stuff he released befor #signing cause idk i think euphoric artists really make a mistake of going a certain route with vocals once theyre signed #it frustrates me to no end because i feel like they kill the vibe or identity of a song #it's always just some generic woman singing about this or that #and it's like im BEGGING you to just cut the vocals or do it like the good old days #and sample some damn dialogue from a movie or a speech of a questionable historical figure good god #anway im off topic now

[rongzhi]

How would you describe the concept of being gender fluid in mandarin? I've been avoiding coming out to my parents for a while bc I straight up don't know what I'd say - I don't know enough Chinese and idk if they'd be able to understand what I'm trying to communicate if I said it in English. They're both from the Hebei area if that helps at all, and they're not really conservative but they're also not at all caught up on modern terminology so,,, any help would be appreciated 😭

First of all, I want to say that I hope things go well and I’m rooting for you 💖

The term for gender fluid in Chinese, as I’m sure you know, is 流性人 liú xìng rén/流性别者 liú xìng bié zhě.

I’m honored that you think highly enough of my input that you asked, so I wanted to give an answer. However, I am not really a good person to ask about coming out to parents because I have not personally done so in any coherent manner myself, even though my parents aren’t conservative, either.

I can say that I think if I was to come out (hopefully I will one day—I just want to be financially stable first, altho... hmm...), I will probably explain it as best I can in English first and then later offer supplementary reading materials in Chinese. In my mind, the best course of action would be to just start off with the facts—say there is something important you want to share with them and that it would mean a lot if they could hear you out first (or however you talk to your parents normally to get them to sit and listen for a bit). “I am [genderfluid], this means I [whatever it means to you personally, as well as what it doesn’t mean/how you came to this realisation, etc].” I think if I was to explain genderfluidity to my parents, I would include what it might appear as in terms of personal outer appearance as well as how it affects your inner life. I would mention why it’s important/significant enough to your identity that you want them to recognise this is how you identify. I think emphasising the euphoric aspects/how being openly genderfluid would make you happy will be more beneficial to you, rather than try and immediately teach the terminology. My parents often say that they want me to be happy so I would try to explain how sharing that part of who I am would make me happy.

Your parents might understand what transgender identity is because it’s talked in the news a lot, so you could try approaching it from that direction, too. If they know of Guanyinshiyin, too, you could approach it from that direction or liken it to a feeling of nothing and all and either/or fluidity in that sense (if that’s a relevant definition). I think my parents would want to know what it means for them going forward as well, so that might be something to talk or establish in your initial explanation, too—pronouns, whether you hope to change your appearance once out to them, etc. I would probably also say something about how you understand what others might think about you but you don't care about that, again, going back to personal euphoria. I personally wouldn't expect them to understand anything right away, but I would communicate that the hope would be that they make an attempt, and that if they have questions at the moment or in the future, I would want to try to answer them.

I hope that helps at all. Maybe other diaspora with experience can offer further advice in the replies/reblogs.

Good luck! 💖💖

Something that might be helpful for later:

伴您同行：专为跨性别儿童的父母准备的指南 - This is a short guide geared towards parents of transgender/nonbinary children, covering questions of "why", "what", when", "what to do", "who to turn to", "where to go" (recommends Oogachaga, SAFE Singapore, The T Project, TransgenderSG, and Asia Pacific Transgender Network; I'm not personally familiar with all of these organisations, but the handbooks itself seems pretty helpful). It includes brief overviews of HRT, as well, if that's something you want to bring up at all.

#text #answered ask #gay ask #long post

[weebsinstash]

Ok so tmi (on the tmi blog lol) but the first day of my Cycle I had a dream that I had just given birth and I was holding my baby and I was goddamn euphoric even though the logical part of me was like “???? I am 22 and broke i CANNOT have a baby rn” and I woke up crying and called my friends like I WANNA HAVE A BAAAAAABYYYYY I WANT A BAAAAAAABYYYYYYYY so basically. Imagine. Miguel catches you in a moment of weakness. And he NEVER. FUCKING. FORGETS IT.

Oh wow girlie those period hormones grabbed you by the uterus and absolutely REFUSED to let go

NO BUT FOR REAL don't look at me but I've been thinking of a concerning number of ideas where it's like, "Reader suddenly realizes they may want a baby and is actually putting serious thought into it and Miguel finds out (bet your ass Peter B tells him, i can see him as a "well intentioned" platonic guardian/mentor figure who sells you out to Miguel the second he thinks you're doing something risky or he thinks it's for your own good) and Miguel starts making all these plans and preparations behind your back to have a baby with you" and obviously I like the extra juicy option of "he found out you got extremely depressed and tied your tubes or something because you either see no point in you having a kid/think it's too late, OR, Miguel was the only person you were looking at as a potential father and you either decide it wouldn't work out or he does something to hurt you and you lose trust in him" so like, the double whammy combo of him being hit with the news you basically walled off your fertility that he's kinda fantasizing about AND you blame him for it

You see him chokeslam Miles on the train and having all these serious anger and stress issues and you're like "hmmmm don't like that" and basically make the tubal ligation appointment that week (but, you know, he'll either interfere before you can actually get it or even reverse it later on)

Like. Ugh I'm not sure if I should go super into detail bc I feel like I want to put this scene in the YouTwo fic or in a different idea i have thats more centered around motherhood, but, picture he catches you in his monitor room one day after you've lost your home dimension, you're having a little more than just a small identity crisis, and he catches you having Lyla show you the model for your life, or what the algorithm had predicted your life was supposed to be like before your universe just magically poofed away. You're just staring at these holograms with tears running down your face and he occasionally catches you starting to reach out like you want to touch what you see. He comes to stop you because he already knows all too well where this could lead, you can't become tempted to break canon and go somewhere else, but you beg him to let you watch just a little longer

"I was supposed to get MARRIED! I was supposed to have a BABY! I was supposed to have a family!! It's not fair!!"

And he's in total agreement with you because, who even fucking knows why your universe suddenly destabilized and vanished. He sees you as this person who has so much promise and potential who had their destiny and future literally snatched away from them and now you're lost and confused on what you're supposed to do, like really he totally understands why you feel so aimless. But watching these holograms is like torturing yourself, and he goes to stop you when you just keep crying because this is basically sending you into a critical mental health episode

"Someone was supposed to fall in love with me... we were supposed to have a baby... would I have been a good mom? Would I have had a boy or a girl? Cant you at least let me find out what my daughter's name would have been?"

And it's like NOOOO you can't hit him with the daughter card, don't you see what you've DONE!!! Gets him right in the heart. Now he's got this massive soft spot for you, bigger than it already was anyways, and he can tell over time you're just really starting to, grieve the future you were supposed to have, falling into a depression. Peter B is hanging around with Mayday like he usually does as both men can tell you're really staring at his baby today and he offers to teach you how to hold her. you're standing there misty eyed twirling one of her little curls around your finger as her dad starts volunteering information to you, "you know she's about XYZ months old now, they aren't really talking yet at this age but they're really curious about their surroundings and--"

Miguel watches as you start talking about children and suddenly get this really really tortured expression and just say "it's not meant to happen" and or some combination of "it's too late for me" and gives him his baby back a little too quickly in typical "I am clearly leaving the room to go cry" fashion. Meanwhile Peter B is like 38 wondering why you think you're out of time or it's not supposed to happen

Miguel's working one day and Peter is trying to shove his phone in his face, "you know I think this is one of the BEST photos of Mayday I've ever taken, she's looking so cute here, you just GOTTA see it" and Pete just won't let up and Miguel finally looks just to humor him because the man is being unusually annoying and, it's a photo of Mayday, duh, but being held by you, and you're clearly looking down at her with watering eyes and the smallest little smile that says "I'll die for you" and Peter is just all 😏 as Miguel is 'suddenly' interested in the photo. "That's a really good photo of MAYDAY, right? 😏 I figured you would like it, that photo of MAYDAY 😏" and Miguel is just grumbling and grouchy bc he sees what this guy is tryna do, but he's still like ".... send it to me later, I'm trying to work right now"

It's even worse if you're a member of his strike force because you're constantly around him, Peter B, and Jess. Miguel just, idly wondering where you are and deciding to walk around a little bit and eventually finds that you're having some sort of conversation with Peter B and Jess and he can tell you look really weepy as the other woman invites you to feel her baby kicking, like, you could not more obviously be developing baby fever, and you ARE around that age, and ESPECIALLY if you live in Nueva York because it's like, YEAH you're still a Spider and YEAH you help the Society with stuff but. Your home universe is gone, your canon is gone, you're kind of. Free as a bird really? But you're also scared because, if someone was destined to love you, does that mean it technically isn't meant to be to fall for anyone else? You can't exactly hook up with people at the Spider Society because of canon or them already having relationships, and you don't exactly have identifying documents if you wanted to try and adopt

I think it'd really reach a stressful breaking point if you and the strike force go to another universe to fight an anomaly and Miguel catches you staring out into the crowd of people you just saved and he sees what youre looking at instantly and his heart sinks. Another you, another normal you, never bitten by a Spider, is standing there with her husband and her little sputtering baby, and he has to all but drag you away as you cry "it's not fair, it's not fair, why does SHE get a normal life!!"

Sidebar for a moment, I think that's probably also one thing that would be so INFURIATING about the doppelganger stealing your life story because THEY have a home universe and YOU don't. They take your life, they take literally everything you have left, your friends, your sense of community, your literal purpose. I've already decided on YTs motivations but could you imagine you finding out YouTwo actually has a decent life and maybe even a husband and kid of their own and you're just furious because they're basically abandoning their duties back home not only as a Spider but as a parent/spouse to steal what YOU have? You can't kill them because it would break their canon and kill like countless people but Miguel and the others would def let you beat the shit out of your evil double and get some of your anger out. Like. Jesus could you imagine Miguel kicks you out thinking you're the fake and after you're gone, YouTwo breaks canon and that's what exposes them, or theyre exposed when they eventually take a trip back home and get caught. The Society's regret, the guilt, the anger, just marinate me with the drama

But anyways back to Being Sad and Babycrazy, you go missing one day and Miguel has to decide what to do when he finally tracks your bracelet and you're back in THAT dimension again. He has to physically track you down using your bracelet's signal because you refuse to answer his messages and you're, in the home of the other you while she takes a brief nap, in the nursery, holding her baby. Miguel quietly climbs through the window and you're in a rocking chair and you've got her hugged to your chest and your eyes are closed and you sense him and, obviously cry because you know you have to leave. Unlike with the holograms he doesn't give you any leeway on this, putting his foot down that this has to end here, this cant go on, this is already so dangerous. And, you're good for him and understand, leaving the baby back in its crib as you and Miguel warp away. You're heartbroken but ultimately understanding when he has to disable your watch's ability to visit that specific dimension again, and you're obviously extremely depressed for a while, having multiple Spiders coming to check in on you as word spreads around that you aren't doing well

I can just see Reader becoming kind of desperate because the only options for a baby you really have left is to either 1. get a serious relationship, which you're scared of because you have to trust that person and who can you even pick, you're nervous about breaking canon or something, or 2. Get some random person to impregnate you so you can run off with the baby

Miguel gets a call from Peter B that you went to a bar and you're EXTREMELY wasted as you try to pick someone, ANYONE up and like, you have admirers for sure but there's enough decent people around to keep the creeps in line, clearly you are in a vulnerable state of mind right now, and Miguel gets to tote your drunken ass back home as you drunkenly word vomit all your feelings to him because, unfortunately for you, he has your trust, and you need comfort right now, and you even ask him about what being a parent was like for him. You encouragingly tell him he shouldn't give up if he still wants kids, you trying to be genuinely nice and not trying to imply anything, blubbering about how he deserves to still be happy and he's still got time, and here's Miguel who's practically tracking your cycles at this point, TOTALLY not going to use anything you say to him while you're piss-drunk against you

Especially if you add ABO into the mix and you have a Miguel who's either Alpha/Omega and is already babycrazy af and he sees you literally fucking YEARNING for it, like. You've got a 6'9" Alpha basically looking at you, his poor lil Omega crush, with the big yandere goo goo eyes and how you need all this love and support and stability and how you're in need of a proper husband and of course he's all too willing to volunteer himself for the job. Even if he's too awkward to come right out to you and say it, he'll be thinking in his head and planning behind your back ways to take care of you, keep you away from any drugs/alcohol (no more smoking weed with metro boomin Spiderman, you've gotta detox your body to have a baby! Also, different concept but, Miguel basically keeping you in a bubble to control all your meals and recreational activities and all of that so he can make sure you're perfectly healthy for a baby)

Don't let this man catch you slipping up! Throw you to the Spider Society and you'll come back pregnant 😭 he sees you so depressed and wanting a baby and it's like well, if your life needs new meaning, he can help literally make one for you 😏 he's been feeling protective and nurturing of you anyways, so, it's an extra benefit for him to think of getting to have both you AND a little baby of your very own ❤️

#yandere miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #yandere spidereverse #sinprompts #yandere stuff #godddd listening to light the city up reallt gets me hyped

[napolonio]

Do you accept asks? It's okay you can just delete this if you don't. So I've been detaching from ego and at times I feel at peace, then the ego is triggered and I'm back to being anxious. I think I'm expecting this "special" experience to happen like this euphoric feeling, cause I know that I'm not the ego, or whatever it thinks or feels, but I guess I'm expecting the thoughts and feelings to stop completely. And they're still here. Which makes me feel like I'm not detaching correctly lol. Do you mind sharing how you were able to let go of your ego for good? Thanks!

See, I think that many of us will continue to make use of a body, concepts and live in a world of perception, so really, ego will still be there in some shape or form. What you really need to realize is that you are not it.

To understand ego is to understand time. Through life when we operate as a body, we learn concepts, we learn rules, we learn structures, and that's how ego gets shaped. It is used to navigate life. You know that if a car is driving at high speed, you should not cross the street, that's ego. You have learned social qeues so that you can interact with others, that's ego. "If ___ happens I should do ___". It's a literal program. Now, all ego knows is illusory, because it's the past, it no longer exists. You see life through the past, you aren't really in the now, so really what does ego know? How can ego be helpful in the now if it only operates based on something that does not exist?

Say you were betrayed by a friend. What does the ego do? It feels like its sense of identity has been menaced, so it has to defend itself. It internalizes this experience, it keeps the memory and uses it as its favorite accesory. Friends are fake, you're unlucky and everyone betrays you, you need to keep your defenses up. Not only are you giving yourself this identity, but also your friend, perpetuating the whole story thinking that keeping such memory alive in the now, will bring you a different future and keep you safe in the present.

You wouldn't dare forgive your friend. They deserve your cold stare and hatred. What if you thought about forgiving them? Forgiveness not in the conventional way, but in a new meaning. Forgiveness being an act of correction. What forgiveness really is, is the realization that the betrayal was illusory, it was never real, your friend is innocent. Your ego would feel so frightened by the sole idea, it will feel so vulnerable and unprotected. But you can't really stop identification with your own identity, while also keeping alive the menacing stories you have of seeming others. They're not separate from you and how you see them, directly affects you.

As long as you keep alive your labels of this world, its people, the body, you will still continue to need that ego that created this world. It will keep you bound.

The reason why I think mentioning other people is important, is because seeming others is one of the reasons ego exists. Ego sees others as an enemy. You can let them close, but not too much. As long as you keep stories of others, it will have an effect on you. You can't get rid of your own stories and keep others' alive. Because imagine again your betrayer friend, say you think you successfully "let go of your ego" and the friend comes into frame again, you still hold their story, what will happen? What you mentioned in your ask, ego gets triggered, and what does it bring back?? Correct, your identity of being an unlucky person who has fake friends.

This applies for everything you have learned about this world, society, science, objects, history, all of it. None of it is the now. Continuing to see life through those lenses, is to keep the past alive.

So, to conclude ego=past learnings. If you realize all is now, ego becomes useless. If you trust and surrender to your true nature, you can learn to live as God/imagination/consciousness, and cease the contract with the ego.

It's not linear. Personally I'm not a huge fan of trying to rush things, I enjoy patience. Which brings me to my favorite ACIM quote "infinite patience, brings immediate results".

Also, something fun that not everyone on here might be a fan of, challenge yourself to do things you don't usually do because it's soo "out of character". Say you ask for dark coffee every day, now choose the craziest drink in the menu you can think of. Say your bed sheets are always dark colored, buy a bright colored one. Do/say something that makes you cringe. Dress in a way you would never 😈. It's very funny, I do it every day lmao. Challenge your perception of self. If you feel like you can't, start by imagining it. Imagine yourself doing out of character stuff. You'll see you'll naturally stop being the character.

Disclaimer: as I mentioned at the beginning, most likely you will continue to make use of a body, therefore don't put it in situations of danger. It still has to eat (because I've seen some people asking about eating in imagination 🥴), it can't fly, don't cross the street without looking both ways. This work is mental, so don't feel the need to prove something in the "physical", that's very foolish to do, considering that you probably are still attached to the body and your concepts of it and of this world. Meaning it can be endangered if you try to defy those concepts.

#ask #ego #nonduality #nondualism #a course in miracles

[emperorofinfinitespace]

What if Viola were a trans woman and Twelfth Night was her coming out story.

She gets shipwrecked in a strange country. She's not sure she's safe as a visibly trans person. She goes back into the closet. She struggles. She's all alone. Olivia is in love with the man Viola is pretending to be, which makes her feel dysphoric and even more isolated. Viola is in love with Orsino and wants so badly to come out to him and tell him how she feels, but he's in love with Olivia, a cis woman, and Viola is insecure. What if he rejects her because she's trans?

Then at the end of the play she comes out when she's reunited with Sebastian and she's accepted! She's loved! She's finally completely truly herself and she's so happy. Orsino immediately says "let's go get you some women's clothes" (which I always thought was a weird line, but in this context it could be interpreted as if he's saying "you are safe to present as a woman and be feminine with me".) She's safe. She has Sebastian back. She gets to wear her clothes that make her euphoric. Orsino loves her and affirms her identity.

I want more queer stories with happy endings. Also I think David Tennant would agree with my little head cannon.

#trans #shakespeare #pride #twelfth night #quinternalmonologue

[jsprnt]

Healing Hearts PT. 15 | Virgil Van Dijk

Would a fresh start bring you more than just a new job?

A/N: contains some smut! MDNI, or please skip the part after the marked red border.

C/W: smut, making out etc.

WC: 3.682

Summary: Y/N L/N is a very skilled and praised physiotherapist. A certain event pushing her for a fresh start, as a physiotherapist for Liverpool FC. One question always being in the back of her mind: Will she be able to let go of her past and allow herself to experience new things?

I try to calm down the thumping in my head, my head aching from panic as I stare at the gossip piece. I close my eyes, shutting off my phone and throwing my phone onto my bed. I stand up, pacing back and forth in front of the bed.

I was a fool for thinking our relationship wouldn't be caught this early. All of my effort, allthough looking back I probably worried more than I tried to hide our relationship- was in vain. I couldn't have obviously told Virgil I wanted to not even hold hands with him on the streets or not go on that one nice date. His own efforts to keep me out of the media and even the private dinner basically going up in flames.

I sigh out of frustration, gnawing on my lower lip as I try to think of what to do. It was a gossip site- not some relevant news site yet- they didn't have pictures yet- and no names yet. I grab my phone again, putting all of my social media on private already, preparing for the storm- or fucking tornado that could ruin either the upcoming days- if I was lucky in a couple weeks- of my life.

Thinking privatizing wasn't enough, I delete them all off of my phone. I couldn't be prepared enough. Especially not since what happened last time.

Who could've even leaked the fact that we were on a date? Could've been the employees, but from experience of seeing so many "known" people I'd doubt they'd honestly care. It could've been Theo- maybe he'd noticed me anyways- through my idiotic ways of trying to conceal my identity. I rack my brain- thinking of who it could be before giving up and throwing myself onto the King bed.

I lay there, my hands on my head as I try to reason with myself. I had a couple days or weeks to prepare, this could definitely break onto mainstream news when we'd both be back in Liverpool. I wince at the actual thought of having to face the club. I had to look them all in the face after it looked like I came there to get with one of their players?

Although, I knew most of the supporters wouldn't care or be negative about it. But the thought of my face being plastered everywhere again? What would they say about a girl who dated a billionaire heir and a footballer? Back to back. Was it my fault my destiny was designed this way? Would they say I was ‘lucky’ or that I orchestrated both of these relationships?

I had to face this eventually, but I didn’t want to do it now. There were definitely bigger problems in the world than some dating news- but why did have such an effect on me?

I decide to respond back to Priya's message shortly before closing my tabs. If I just ignored it for now- it wouldn't be there- it wouldn't even exist. If I just pretend to not see or know anything it wouldn’t happen and pass, like a breeze instead of impending doom.

A text message brings me out of my thoughts. A message from Virgil, letting me know he's leaving his own hotel. I smile to myself, remembering there was something to look out for. I couldn't wait to see him.

"Fuck- please-“ She mewls, their bodies pressed close against each other. Her nails clawing and digging into his back, the euphoric feeling of their high taking over both their senses.

Virgil had arrived at her hotel a while ago. It stared with a kiss from her, to a make out session turned intimacy.

Could you blame her? Seeing your partner doing what he's good at, winning for his team and country all while looking so fucking good.

Irresistible, was the right word to describe him.

He groans lowly at her pleas, his hand gripping onto the flesh of her hips, guiding her to his pace. His heart hammers in his chest, the feeling overwhelming, but still not getting enough of the feeling of her around him.

"So good for me baby." He murmurs, sweat glistening on his collar, dripping down his broad, muscular chest. She clenches around him at the praise, a moan leaving her swollen lips as her back arches.

"So needy for me, couldn't handle yourself when I played today, love?" He teases, gently pushing her back onto the bed as he chuckles deeply. She whines in protest, eyes closing, trying to move her hips faster, his veiny hand coming to rest on her stomach again.

"Eyes here baby." He says, his pace fastening with the move of her hips. His hand trails down her entrance, a digit circling her puffy bud.

Another moan leaves her lips, as she cries out in pleasure. Her eyebrows scrunching as sweat forms on her forehead. He's deep, deep enough for his member to be visible, the bulge on her stomach showing as he moves in and out of her in well paced thrusts.

"This what you wanted baby? Hm tell me, should I stop?" She clenches around him again, her nails clawing harder as she tries to blurt out coherent words.

"Fuck- don't stop- faster. Need more- please." She pants, feeling him twitch.

He does as she says, fastening his pace as he moans lowly at the feeling.

"Let go baby." He mumbles, his hand caressing the scar on her side tenderly.

She whines loudly, letting go as she reaches her climax. He groans, making sure she alright before letting go himself. Both of their exclaims of pleasure filling up the atmosphere. Loud panting filling the room, as their chests move up and down in sync.

He leans forward, his hand coming up to hold her tired head up. He places small kisses on the side of her face, mumbling sweet praises to her.

"Did so good baby. You're alright, breathe in for me baby." He murmurs, stroking her cheek tenderly.

He pulls out slowly, a soft sound leaving her lips at the loss of feeling. He presses a kiss on her lips, checking the clock as it read way past midnight.

He gets up, not before another whine leaving her lips, her hand grabbing his hand quickly.

"I'm here babygirl. I've got to clean you up hm?" He reassures her. Getting a warm towel to clean her up gently. Discarding the condom while at it.

"Want to take a shower love?" He asks, rubbing her naked shoulder. She nods, eyelids fluttering, his hands wrapping around her as he brings her into the walk-in shower. Keeping her steady and close as the hot water falls down their intertwined bodies. Soap foaming on their skin, forgetting all worries they had, especially a worried y/n.

"Is my mascara all over my face?" She asks, tired smile tugging on her lips as she looks at Virgil.

"It is, want me to clean it off?" He chuckles, reaching over to retrieve the facial cleanser from the shower niche.

I watch Virgil grab a change of clothes from the bag he had packed. The one he'd dropped on the floor when our kiss started getting a little too heated.

My eyes roam on his body, the white damp towel low on his hips as he walks over to the dresser. I bite on my fingernail nail as I fight back a squeal. Watching him open the drawer.

He grabs a pair of my pajamas I had organized into the dresser. He walks up to me again, seeing me snuggled in the robe he had wrapped me in earlier.

"It's cold." I say.

The temperature in Athens in October wasn’t as bad as Liverpool. Slightly warmer in the day, in contrast, the nights were definitely colder than the days. I had asked Virgil to turn on the heat earlier, hoping it would make the cold much more bearable.

"Here, let's get you in some clothes." He says, as I watch him hold up my gray ribbed pajamas.

“Where is your lotion?” He asks, running his hands on top of my robe, down my back, trying to warm me up.

“On the bathroom counter. It’s the pink tub.” I answer, watching him walk into the bathroom to retrieve it.

He walks back, unscrewing the lid and looking at me for a moment. I extend my leg out of my robe, moving my robe slightly. He grabs an amount of the hydrating cream, applying it in soft soothing circles on my knees and legs.

He unties my robe, applying the lotion on my arms elbows and chest. Softly massaging my back and shoulders.

“It’s like I’m the one who played a 90 minute match.” I chuckle, humming at the feeling of his hands on my back.

“You definitely handled way more.” He whispers, laughing as I give him a look.

“Right, now let’s get you dressed already.”

I allow him to dress me, making the minimal effort of raising my arms and legs.

“Let me put lotion on you?” I ask, grabbing the pink tub. He nods as I lather his skin up. Running my hands down his tattoos as I admire them.

I move so I can massage the cream into his back.

A gasp leaving my lips at the scratches on his back. “Did I do that?” I ask, feeling bad as I look at my nails. I had gotten them done back home, taking advantage of not having to treat any of the players, since I was on leave.

Short nails were a given with this job and I honestly couldn’t remember the last time I had long nails. That also being why I don’t remember scratching any of my bed partners- or at least this crazily.

“What? The scratches from your nails?” He asks unfazed, turning his head to the side.

“Yeah? Did it not hurt?” I ask, inspecting them closely.

“Was to busy with how pretty you looked under me to notice, love.” He whispers lowly and I slap his arm, feeling a little flustered.

I drop the tub of scented lotion, getting up to get a healing cream from the bathroom. Lathering the cream up the scratches with clean hands. Placing a kiss on his spine when done.

I snuggle against him after we both get dressed and finish our night routines. His arms wrapped around my body as I bury my head against his chest, basking into the warmth of our bodies and the silence of the room. The vanilla and coconut scented lotion creating an addicting scent on our skin.

"I'm so proud. You played really good today." I mumble, pulling away a little, tracing the tattoos on his arm gently with my finger.

"Oh yeah? I figured, maybe I should score the winning goal more often." He teases, placing a kiss on my hairline.

"Maybe you should?" I reply, nudging him, my eyes droopy as I fight the sleep that's creeping up to me.

“We’ll talk about it later, or you’ll start something you’ll have to finish hm? Sleep now, love. You look tired.”

"You better be eating properly there." My mom says, pulling me into the biggest hug she'd ever given me. Squeezing me to the point I couldn't breathe for a moment. She pulls away reluctantly, my dad also pulling me into an embrace. "You also should call more- we work but the phone is always next to us my daughter." He says, his hand on my shoulder.

I look at the both of them, a sudden feeling of sadness washing over me. I had already said my goodbyes to my friends, leaving me here in front of the airport, saying goodbye to my parents.

My grip on my suitcase tightens, as I try to hold back tears. There were many things I resented my parents for, but the look of sadness in their eyes made me want to break down and forget about all of that.

Maybe this was my karma for hiding things from them, the guilt gnawing at me piece my piece.

"Want me to come with you?" My dad asks, his hand already reaching for the handle of my suitcase.

"It's okay dad, it's not heavy. You don't have to. It’s raining, you guys should get back in the car." I usher, giving them a reassuring smile as I try to hide the shakiness in my voice.

“Call us when you land!” My dad says.

I kiss both of them one more time before turning around, dragging my suitcase behind me as I enter the airport. If I had stayed longer, they would manage to see the absolute buckets of tears threatening to spill from my eyes.

She checks in quickly and efficiently, knowing Virgil was in the private VIP lounge as she makes her way towards it. They had both spent the last few days with their own respective families, deciding they'd meet up at the airport.

She shoots him a quick message, the door to the lounge opening a few seconds later.

Her emotions were still on high after the farewell with her parents. She just, for some reason wanted to cry harder the longer they stood outside.

She could blame it on absolutely everything. From keeping secrets from her parents, to leaving them or mother natures lovely monthly cycle.

Virgil raises a brow at her instantly, the somber look on her face and the glossiness of her eyes noticeable to practically everyone from a distance.

She walks up to him, into the room. Immediately hugging him tightly, taking in his comforting and familiar scent.

"You okay?" He mumbles, running his hand up and down her back. Feeling her shake slightly, wet patches forming on his sweater from tears.

"It's alright, cry it out baby. You're okay." He mumbles, holding her tightly, giving her the pressure she needed, realizing something had to have triggered her emotions, too much for her to bottle up as he pats her back. Hoping he’d tell her eventually, when comfortable.

The Liverpool bench next to me cheers as Ryan scores the fourth goal against Toulouse. The chants in the stadium deafening as they all sing in celebration. The players were doing insanely well, especially after the Merseyside derby last week which they had also won. Creating a great new start after international break had ended.

I was on the pitch today, just like last week as Dr. Woods had decided to focus on Robbo's serious shoulder injury. We'd all been very shocked and concerned when we were notified. Deciding for Dr. Woods to focus on him for a while, since it was an injury requiring much attention and time.

Focused on the game, I sink further into my jacket, the weather had been progressively getting worse, the temperature dropping a couple degrees just in the past hour alone.

A sudden voice calls out to me from the bench behind me. I sit up, turning my head towards the voice. Already prepared for the "Could you hand me a bottle?" or the recently more common "Can I have a hot pack?" followed by the most creative methods to signal how cold the weather was. My favorite so far was the 'rubbing hands together'.

They would look like mischievous flies, making me chuckle as they looked at me confused.

Instead of some mischievous fly action, I'm completely blindsided by what it is, that I'm told.

"Take my scarf, it's cold and you don't have one." Szobo says, a charming smile on his face as he hovers the scarf around my neck.

I absentmindedly nod, as he ties the black scarf around my neck. I glance at Virgil, for a millisecond, his eyes drilling holes into Szobo's side profile. I look at the rest of the bench, some of them sneaking glances at me, I give them some confused looks back. Returning my gaze to Dom.

I thank him for the scarf, adjusting it a little and turning back around to watch the rest of the match. Still confused, but appreciative for the warm scarf. Trying to focus on the match again.

The match ends with a beautiful goal from Mo. Making the final score an amazing 5-1 for Liverpool. All of us standing up finally, clapping for everyone's efforts and hard work as I immediately make my way into the tunnel. The cheers and shouts in the stadium dwelling down slightly.

I greet the players with a high five, watching all of them pile into the dressing room before me and Dr. Davis go through the usual routine. My eyes catch Virgil looking slightly- irritated. His answers for Dr. Davis unusually short. I decide to not bother him with any of my own questions. I would ask about it later.

Thankfully, we finish quickly, no one having anything bothering them. I walk out of the dressing room. Allowing the guys to get changed, I walk into the medical room.

I unzip my jacket a bit, Dom's scarf still cozily on my neck and grab my bag before making it towards the door. Gasping a little as the door opens right as I reach over to grab the handle.

Virgil appearing and walking towards me as I take a step back.

"Hey?" I say, raising my brows in confusion. Was he injured? Something wrong? Did he want to leave together? Did he want to talk about why he looked irritated?

He grabs my arm, stopping me from moving. His hand moves to the small of my back, he leans forward, pressing his lips against mine breathlessly.

The bag in my hand dropping on the floor as I raise my hand to grip onto his shirt, pulling him impossibly closer. The warmth of his breath mixing with mine as his tongue runs down my bottom lip. My breath hitches, the surprise but delight of the situation catching up to me.

I pull away, looking up at him wide-eyed, my hands flattening on his chest.

"What was that for?"

"This." He says, his hands traveling up to my neck, fidgeting with the scarf and taking it off of my neck.

My expression turns smug, a smirk making it's way to my lips. I narrow my eyes, snatching the scarf out of his hands and cradling it close to me.

"What? You're jealous now? Over a scarf? It's your teammate's, captain.”

He rolls his eyes, avoiding eye contact as I laugh.

"Aw it's alright. Next time I'll just freeze to death. When I get offered a warm scarf by one of your teammates, I'll say 'Nope, my boyfriend is very jealous. I'll freeze instead.' That's good right?" I say, teasing him.

He doesn't make eye contact with me, as I watch become more flustered by the second. I drop the scarf, right on top of my bag.

"Hey, look at me. Come on admit it. You're jealous!" I say, grabbing the collar his shirt and making him lean forward. Deciding to finish what he started.

I move my hand towards his jaw as I press my own lips onto his, his lips parting as our tongues graze against each other. His hand moves to my zipper, zipping my jacket down. A sinful groan leaving his mouth as his hand slips up my shirt. His slightly cold hands making contact with my warm skin. I press my body closer to his, his touch and hold like a drug as I feel his hand caressing my skin.

The room is silent apart from our own presence, the cheering in the stadium had already died down. A soft whimper leaving my lips as his hands inch up my body, our lips still moving against each other.

The sudden noise of the door creaking make us jump away from each other in shock and fright.

"Doc could you give me some-" the man trails off.

Our eyes move to the door reluctantly, seeing a wide-eyed Curtis staring at us, his backpack snug on his shoulders.

An embarrassed gasp leaves my lips, I look at Virgil for a second. The both of us communicating with our eyes as we walk towards him.

"I knew it! Trent you owe me fifty pounds lad-" He shouts, very loudly.

They had a damn bet on us?

I grab the straps of his backpack, pulling him into the room. I shove my hand onto his mouth as Virgil grabs onto him by his shoulders. The door slamming behind us as we half tackle the Scouser.

He mumbles against my palm, as I try to make him shut up.

"Don't worry my hands are clean." I reassure, as I make out some of the words.

He mumbles some more, and I eye him sternly, frowning.

"Shhh! He will give you ten times that amount if you keep quiet about this." I whisper, pointing at Virgil.

Virgil looks back at me, confused expression on his face as I mouth a 'what?'

"Promise you won't start yelling?" I ask Curtis, hesitating to remove my hand when he nods.

I move my hand, his mouth immediately opening to assault us with a billion questions.

"When? How long? First time-" he whispers. I hang my head low from embarrassment, glancing at Virgil who looked like he was enjoying this for some reason. I nudge him with my elbow, making him answer the questions shortly.

I warn Virgil with my eyes when he gives too much information to Curtis. This guy could either keep it all to himself or explode like a ticking gossip bomb.

"And you won't tell anyone- right?" I ask, giving him a sickly sweet smile.

"He'll give you your money-"

"I never agreed to that." Virgil protests, looking at me.

"You'll be alright."

I mumble, focusing on Curtis.

"Promise?"

"Promise. Now can I get some of those bandages?"

This is going to be a difficult one.

#virgil van dijk fanfiction #virgilvandijkimagines #virgil van dijk #virgilvandijk #vandijk #liverpoolfc #football #liverpool fanfic #football fanfic #football imagines #liverpoolimagines #virgil van dijk x reader #virgil x reader #footballer x reader #football imagine

[befemininenow]

Deconstructing the sissy in you (extra)

Let’s go back to the beginning of the tutorial. However, let’s amplify it a little more. You always had a thing for this thing called “feminization”, which involved forcing men into wearing feminine clothing or adopting feminine roles in an embarrassing manner. That kind of thing was your kink/fetish for a good while and imagined what would it be like if it happened for real. Little did you know it was a gateway to explore your sexuality.

You browse the web for TG captions and transformations as a way to spend some “me time”. All of a sudden, you see this post:

“Damn, she’s sexy!” you say out loud. You obviously want to be inside her body, but deep in your mind, you secretly want to be in her body. As in, you want to feel her soft skin, her boobs, her skirt, hair, you want to be her!

In no time, you start to see more pics like this:

Eventually, your feed begins to fill with captions like these...

...while some daring strangers fill your inbox with captions like these...

Soon enough, you start to get into female fashion, changed your way of words, became interested in men, and slowly incorporated your feminization in your public life. Those hypnos and captions have changed your thinking! It got to the point where you opened a Tumblr, started to make "sissy besties", and asked for tips on how to become more "feminine". It felt mutual, it felt exclusive, it felt like becoming a part of the Mean Girls!

But you wanted more. You wanted hypnosis that can destroy your "manhood". You wanted captions that affirmed your "sissy identity". You wanted hormones to grow boobs and ass. You wanted to become a woman at an instant!

But how? Desperately wanting to view more captions, you decide to find more of them on your search bar. You type "feminization captions" and the results are abundant! But as you scroll all the way down to a dead end, you find a picture of a sexy, blonde woman in red that catches your attention:

"OMG! She's so gorgeous! She's the type I want to become! I need to find out who she is!" Just as you click to the image, you're sent to a blog that you're somehow familiar and/or following. You try to find the image and as you keep on scrolling, you found it belongs to a certain blog: @befemininenow. ""Be feminine now?" This is it! This is what I need! Someone who can instantly change me into a feminine woman!"

But as you read the pinned post and the introduction greeting, you feel a little conflicted. You like feminization, but the blog doesn't cater to sissies. Yet, the captions feel so persuasive and alluring, you don't know where to start. You decide to go all the way back and finally found the one that seems the sexiest.

What was the caption that caught your attention?:

Of course the one with Lilly Roma and her tight, revealing, black suit! But instead of being a sissy caption, it's a caption that tells you to be a fellow sister! "Sister? Mmm... I... I like that. Better than sissy!"

You browse the blog and find more than enough caption to your taste:

Some were a dream, some were so sexual, some were unbelievable, and some... hit right at home.

Very few captions mention the word "sissy" and when they do, it's usually not as you expected it to be. That's because the blog is about embracing femininity instead of treating it as humiliating. You try to find if there are more blogs like hers and luckily for you, there's a bunch more...

Joanna's Journey, A Miss Inside, Every Alice, Gym Bunny Candie Hart, GGS-Trans-Inspo, and so much more!

It took a while for you to realize that some of those feminization blogs aren't like the rest, including sissy blogs like Sissypinkfashionfun. They may seem a bit unrealistic at times, maybe a little overboard with the "wipe masculinity" posts. But what you love about those blogs the most is that all of them have something in common: they are not ashamed of femininity, but rather embrace it as their own.

It all makes sense: as a kid, you wanted to be a ballerina:

Later on in life, you wanted to become a princess:

But now...

You just wish you can come out as your true self! Why be ashamed of being feminine? Why do you need to be punished for showing weakness? Why be subject to bullying for behaving a certain way? You don't really want to be a "sissy", but you want to be a girl. You love your feminine side.

But in order to move on from your "sissy phase", there is one step you would have to do:

That's right, girl! It means you have to come out. Whether you like it or not, it's the next step to your change. You can keep hiding in the closet, experiment with the "sissy lifestyle", and reblog feminization captions all you want. But as much as you hate to face reality, she is you. You're transgender. You're a woman inside, even if your current anatomy doesn't match it.

The latter sentence didn't discourage Mikaela Ville nor Angelick Poleth (girl in the next pic) from postponing transition. Look at them now. Don't you wish to want to be like them?

But to be sure of the change, to be sure of what you really want, how far will you go into your life change? Do you want just dress feminine, but still identify as a man? Maybe you identify as a different gender? Or do you want to go further and take hormones to turn into a woman?

Whatever you end up identifying as, know your identity and femininity are valid. Find your nearest gender support group, talk to doctors and therapists who can assist your gender change, and be very safe in today's environment. Remember, you are not a sissy, but a brave woman! Unlock the cages and let the lioness inside out!

(End of guides. Thank you for reading 'till the end!)

[antedeluvianbreedingtwink]

So, sometimes I'm hesitant to share things about my dysphoria, since I think a lot of people will glance past the Plurality and try to frame this as some kind of detransition. No hate towards people who do end up detransitioning for any reason, but that's a very different thing to my weird-ass deal, and I'm sure as fuck not reversing any surgeries when the most functional Alter and the earliest one we know of are both transfem still. Hell, we're even still planning to go forward with bottom surgery, and I'm not really even against the idea?

The issue I run into most is, well... boobs. We have D cups, with 420cc (seriously) implants, which makes it a hard to properly go dude mode now? I can bind, and I do it basically the moment I'm fronting, but it's really only flat when I double up on binders, and, uh... yeah, that's a quick way to remember which rib got dislocated once? I'm trying to be smarter about it- one binder and a denim vest to try and hide the extra oomph... but I have to unbind eventually, and it feels awful every time because our body is very, very feminine now.

I did have a peculiar dream last night, though. I was dating a guy (an OC from a story we were going to write) as myself in it, but the time to go to bed together came and I... still had breasts. Then, when I got uncomfortable, Dreamguy just kept referring to them as boytits, which led to me waking up briefly euphoric and confused.

I guess I was just feeling really dysphoric and someone acknowledging the boyness of my hongalongamogongas helped relieve it a bit? Maybe the idea that I could be in a relationship and still be acknowledged as a separate person was also weighing on me, since me and Kay (maybe even Alice?) have very conflicting sexualities and identities, and I worry things will either be too complicated, or I'll have to take a back seat.

I think my biggest worry, though, is... what fucking community do I belong to? Kay's obviously transfem, and even though I'm masc and AMAB, I'm not Cis? I'm still very much nonbinary, just heavy on the masculine side, but the people I connect with and get tips from are transmasc, and it just feels disrespectful for me to attach too much to that community?

I guess collectively we're genderfluid, but even that feels strange when we're different people, and I can't even recognize Kay's thought process most of the time?

I guess I'm just rambling because there isn't a short way to accept being plural and having to deal with conflicting gender identities on top of that. It makes everything way, way harder, but I do know things will work out in the end. I'm taking a crash course to make sure I know enough about Kay's major to hold down a job properly (without fronting and immediately crying because I have no idea how to do anything.)

Plus, y'know... there's always the option of being poly, or just dating someone with a gender ambiguous enough to appeal to a lesbian and a gay boy at the same time. Just as long as they know these are (at least when I'm fronting) he/him chesticles and they prefer to be called sir, damnit.

#enby #did osdd #osdd system #osdd #osddid #did #did system #genderfluid #gender stuff #transgender #nonbinary #genderqueer #lgbtqia #trans #demiboy #achillean #mlm #nblm #nblm thoughts #I even need a strap because of shrinkage already #maybe I should write “he/him” on my chest as a reminder

[kraken17]

Hey!! You did such an awesome job on the latest chapter I wanted to show my appreciation with this uncanon mini fic of your version of the characters.

The group of ragtag "friends" have been hunting the rogue Hyde for a couple of hours now when Enid notices something about her brown haired doppelganger.

Woe & Wednesday are leading the pack in front with the two Enids defending the rear of the group, when Enid turns to make a conversion with her 'twin' , when she notices a lost look on her face, looking at Woe with both longing and ...fear?

"Hey" Enid whispered concerned to her new friend.

"You ok over there" Enid smiled trying to keep her voice light.

Saint Claire looked over at Enid, eyes swirling with emotions that looked so unfamiliar on a face that was so identical.

Saint Claire let out an almost inaudible sigh, all sense of bravo leaving the woman.

" I always believed Willa when she spoke about her adventures, even when I first met her, I knew she wasn't one to lie for the sake of it, but seeing you...it's brought up alot of things I thought I had shut out a long time ago" Saint Claire broke eye contact with Enid, returning her eyes to her headstrong mate.

"You know the only reason Willa came to Nevermore was to find you. To find the blonde haired sunshine Werewolf who warmed her heart for the first time, instead she got me. " Saint Claire returned her eyes to Enid a sad smile twisting her lips. A smile that didn't suite the usually happy woman.

"I comforted myself with the knowledge that Willa grew to love me for me. That you were dimensions away with your own Wednesday and that I was the one there with her...but you turning up has brought back all those feelings of not being enough. Of not being the one she actually wanted. Of being not only a second rate shifter in my own family but a second rate Enid as well. And I'm sorry I know its not your fault. It's not even Willa's fault but now I'm terrified that when you all leave again, Willa will just be more disappointed that I don't measure up."

Enid felt her heart breaking for Saint Claire. She couldn't help feeling guilty for something she knew wasn't her fault. She drew closer to her feline friend. Resisting the urge to hug her.

"You don't have to be me, Woe may have developed a crush on this charming face but who wouldn't " she winked and nudged the brunette, earning a reluctant smile.

" But I know the look in Woes eyes when she looks at you, it's the same look I see all the time in my Wednesday. That girl not only loves you but she 'Addams' loves you. And we both know there's nothing more powerful than when an Addams gives you their love."

Saint Claire let out a small smile at Enid before giving a tiny nod. She then plastered a slightly fake big grin on her face before stalking forward to annoy Taylor.

Enid cast her eyed to the two gothic leaders at the front when Woe caught her eye. A quick nod in thanks she recieved before Woe turned her attention back to the map in her hands.

Wow... I mean... WOW! 🤯😳

I can't begin to describe how euphoric this has left me. A fanfic of my fanfic! And it's great!

I have no idea when it would happen or how to fit it into what I have in mind for the story, but I think we can consider this conversation canon adjacent for Kooky Spooky.

Thank you so much @haveawish! 😄

#kooky spooky #wednesday addams #enid sinclair #wenclair #enid saint-clair #the addams family #fanfiction

[transenbyconfessions]

I am also a trans man, though "man" isnt enough to describe the nuances of my gender. However, I am masculine through and through.

But, I absolutely adore the preformance of feminity. That little girl is still part of me, and she absolutely loves big dresses and dramatic flair and glam and all of that. It makes me feel so happy, so... gender euphoric, to be able to preform and act confidently in femininity but still return to being masculine me afterwards. It's taken a while to not feel shame loving typically feminine things and even expressing myself in typically feminine ways, as though that invalidates my transness.

I have since adopted the mindset that I am me, and that's that. If I feel feminine one day, so be it. If one day in the future I decide "hey, maybe im not trans anymore. Time to go back to being a woman", so be it. Even if I was 5 years on T, and had top surgery, if I no longer felt masculine, that'd be ok. It's ok to change. It's ok to contradict parts of yourself. We are made up of so many facets and planes that it would be impossible to NOT contradict oneself, especially with a construct so nuanced and complex and human such as gender.

My gender is indescribable. It is almost intangible. So many different labels can apply to my gender and identity, but not a single one can fully encompass who I am. And that's ok.

I am simply me.

To others, I am [name], [age], man he/him bro dude. And I'm fine with that, because that's still me. But it's not the full story.

I cherish my gender. It's like my little pocket of the universe, only for me.

Submitted March 2, 2023

#transgender #trans #enby #nb #nonbinary #non-binary #non binary #trans masc #transmasc #trans masculine #transmasculine #trans man #trans boy #transgender man #transgender boy #trans guy #transgender guy #ftm #afab #gender euphoria #gender expression

[lollytea]

LOLLY. I AM SHAKING YOU IN JOY AND PAIN. STRAY ITALIAN GREYHOUND. THIS SONG.

Okay, so I of course stole it off your Hunlow playlist because it's perfect for Hunter and how he sees Willow.

or so I THOUGHT. Until TODAY.

BECAUSWHFHAHHD like,

"I've just settled into the glass half empty made myself at home

And so why now?

Oh, please not now

I just stopped believing in happy endings, harbors of my own"

I know that in FTF Willow only lets herself feel this way for a moment, before Hunter reminds her of who she is BYYY:

"But you had to come along didn't you

Tear down the doors

Throw open windows

Oh, if you knew just what a fool you have made me

So what do I do with this?"

He tore open the doors (vines lol) literally and figuratively! And what is she supposed to do with that?? Fall in love. Obviously. How could you NOT after a cute boy teleports you out of self-loathing and doubt!?

LIKE:

"This sudden burst of sunlight

And me with my umbrella"

I AM NOT OKAY. THIS REVELATION HAS ALTERED MY BRAIN CHEMISTRY.

It still works from Hunter's perspective too, obviously, from like ASIAS onward but after FTF I think it works the other way around too and I just. They're just. PAIN. MY HEART BRO. There are so many other lyrics that fit in the little music video in my head of the two of them but I'm literally on my break at work and need to go LMAO

Sorry for just vomiting in your ask box😂

This is the second time this month I've made somebody go insane over the Stray Italian Greyhound and huntlow combo. Vienna Teng put some fucking CHEMICALS in that song!!! Turns the freakin frogs gay!!!!

And YEAH!!! I added it to the playlist back when I made it after Labyrinth Runners. Because that's what I associated it with at the time!!! Hunter's lost his home, his family, his religion, his identity, his sense of safety. He's LOST everything!!! And he's struggling to come to terms with that. By the time Gus finds him at Hexside, the shock has subsided and he thinks he can be functional now. But he's not okay. He's still got a lot going on mentally and it's messing him up.

But at the same time....hallway blush scene....he has his little "Oh. It's her." moment. And I know that he was very confused in the aftermath of the Hexside incident. And when he's left alone to reflect on what he's feeling he's just "Now?? Are you fucking serious?? We're really gonna do this now??? I just found out I'm not a real person and everybody's gonna die next week, is now REALLY the fucking time???" He has ENOUGH problems!! He doesn't know how to deal with this!! But also he can't help it because while he's fucked up and traumatized, he's also brimming with confusing fizzling teenage hormones and she's Willow Park and it's very overwhelming and scary and doesn't know which way is up or down and he has no idea what he's gonna do about this. Feelings like these demand so much from him and after everything he's been through he really doesn't know if he can stomach it. But she won't give him a moment to catch his breath and he's locked in now and there's nothing he can do about it.

BUT YEAH!!!! I've had that playlist on quite a lot since FTF leaked because I have been so not normal about them. So I have NOTICED that it now applies to multiple different angles. And thinking about the chorus from Willow's perspective during the whole vine scene makes me ILL. And then in the aftermath of that....the vibes of that song are so....terrified yet giddy and overwhelmed yet euphoric. How fucking soft and blushy Willow was after that scene. "Just what a fool you have made me" YEAH!!!!

He IS a sudden burst of sunlight!!!

She IS with her umbrella!!!!

ALSO ALSO ALSO!!! Being a girl who has such a tight reign over her own emotions completely falling victim to loserish behaviour during this part? Ready to fucking combust cuz she is being held so gently.

"What do I do, do I do with a love that won't sit still?

Won't do what it's told"

HATE this song, HATE them!!!!

#huntlow #toh spoilers

[ggtess]

Here’s the meaning behind my first tattoo because it is my absolute favorite topic to talk about.

Disclaimer: sad lesbian’s musings

I knew I liked girls from the moment I knew I could like anyone at all. There’s no psychoanalysis that can explain it, nothing that could have “made me this way”, it’s always been as natural as breathing to me. Accepting my love for women was fluid, easy even.

What was impossibly difficult though, was accepting that I did not like men.

After a few failed relationships and some strenuous “crushes” on guys that I mysteriously lost interest in after any reciprocation, I was drained. There was this isolation that festered in my heart. Even despite having some fulfilling, joyous crushes on girls that rid me of the feeling of loneliness, I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. It would always come back when I thought of my future that could potentially be shared with a husband instead of a wife (I know, I know, I was oblivious as fuck).

What made it click for me was realizing that an integral aspect of my identity is loving women, and to not be able to share that with a partner is a tragedy. I wouldn’t allow myself to resent a man for not being able to empathize with my experience the way I needed. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone. Despite knowing that coming out as a lesbian would make me lose relatability to my loved ones, I couldn’t keep lying to everyone, including myself. Being out is horrifying, but it’s worth it.

Loving women makes me feel like me, and that authenticity is euphoric. I won’t ever derive myself of it.

A piece of media that helped me to understand myself was the haunting of bly manor, a series by my favorite director Mike Flanagan. I could truly talk about this show forever, so I’ll sum it up by saying that the love between Dani and Jamie was everything that I needed to see when I was younger. Their devotion to each other gave me the feeling that it was possible, that I could love another woman forever like I’ve always wanted to, and that love in general is something to fight for. Something that can be finite and painful, but worth so much nonetheless.

Then there were the writings of Sappho, my favorite poet. In short, (because again, I could go on forever and ever) knowing that us lesbians have always existed is comforting and fills me with a sense of belonging that’s hard to come by as a queer person.

I drew up this sketch of moonflowers to represent bly, and a violet for Sappho:

I had never loved something I’ve drawn more than I loved this design. It was so, so intimate and personal to me. It was something that I wanted immortalized.

So, I took my ass to a shop and with the help of my fantastic artist and friends’ encouragement,(those assholes peer-pressured me to not use numbing cream so as to not be a “wimp”. THEY WANT ME DEADD ISTG) I got it tattooed!!

<3

#tattoos #sapphic #sappho #lesbian #the haunting of bly manor #wlw

[my-castles-crumbling]

I am currently really struggling to understand myself and my gender. I've talked to a few people who all say similar things "you don't need to label it" or something like that. Which I get, I don't need to, but, what's causing me the most stress is the fact that I can't label it, I don't understand it or myself because I don't know what it is. I could be genderfluid, I could be non-binary, I could be lots of things but I don't know what I am and I hate it.

Sorry that is not what I wanted to say. Basically I wanted to ask whether getting a binder would be worth it. Because I would have to talk to my mum (I am out to my mum but like I said I don't actually know what I am, so it's difficult to explain what makes me comfortable or not to do with my gender) and she has always been one of those people who say that getting bras that fit and are supportive is really important. I get that, really, but I feel like because of that she won't let me get one and I don't know how to feel about that.

So do you think it's worth it?

(note- you are a wonderful person, thank you so much for being you and helping all the people that you do)

Hi! <333

Honestly? Yes. Here's why:

The only way you're going to truly figure out what makes you feel comfortable and euphoric is if you try different things. Luckily, a binder doesn't involve surgeries or medication, so it's a relatively easy thing to try. Especially since it seems like your mom is a relatively safe person to ask.

If it seems like your mom is resisting a binder based on the fit or safety questions, I'd suggest doing research together. Find reputable sites that ship to your area with pages that tell you the safe ways to wear binders (usually for only 8 hours at a time and never while sleeping). Work together to make a plan of how you will safely wear one (if you even end up liking it). Also, find a site that allows for returns. That way, if you don't like it or it fits wrong, you can always send it back.

To me, it seems like a good step toward exploring your gender with relatively low risk.

As far as your gender identity in general? While I completely agree with what you said about nor needing to label it, I understand why you want to know more about yourself. But remember- don't rush. Don't pressure yourself. Try different low-risk things to express yourself in different ways until things start to feel good.

You've got this, and I support you <3

#ask #asks #ask cas

[ei-mugi]

i have this incredibly specific headcanon that aira had a phase where he went super hard into being a trans Woman but detransitioned after like a couple months, and is now gnc.

like not too long after he becomes an idol hes struggling a lot with his blossoming sense of adolescent identity and clear insecurity-complex, and of course he's in Ensemble Square which is full of gay people, and he's online a lot too in queer twitter communities and it kinda all accumulates into him thinking, MAYBE I AM A WOMAN? so he tries it.

but he has this very narrow and specific idea of what it means to Be Transgender, and to Be a Transwoman by extension, so he just throws himself in the deep end and goes full social & clothing transition immediately. tatsumi and mayoi are supportive (tatsumi is an Ally and mayoi is genderqueer in some form) and this is probably hiiro's first introduction to it but he doesnt care either and is enthusiastically supportive. pretty much everyone he knows is on board with it (except subaru and hokuto are weird about it probably but who cares about them). the Pretty 5 are overjoyed and help by taking him shopping, Arashi especially.

but while aira has an initial euphoric burst of freedom by doing this he very quickly feels very WRONG. but hes fucking committed to it now and like he knows hes not a dude, right?, and he doesnt want to be NonBinary (which is a single third gender identity and not an umbrella term at all, as everyone knows /s). and like, he does like wearing skirts sometimes, and long socks are cute. and he was already kinda feminine, he is ALKALOID's Cute One. so he's probably just not feeling anything at all and he isn't going to address it.

but arashi can fucking tell something is off and tries talking to him. he deflects and denies everything and at someone else bringing it up he only doubles down.

he is wearing FEMALE MAKEUP now! he is looking at tutorials on youtube on how to apply makeup just-so, so he can look like the Cis-Like and Conforming Trans Woman he is. and he is OWNING IT, he is a Girlboss and is now making Activist Twitter Posts talking about his transfem (because that isn't its own thing, either, it's just a synonym for trans Woman! also /s) experience which he is now suddenly an expert on.

and he is fucking miserable just having trapped himself into another stupid binary and now eichi is accounting for this in StarPro's marketing or whatever and now all of ALKALOID's fans are getting it into their heads about being special trans allies and all these things are happening and and and and.

mika tentatively comes up to him one day. he says that hes too nervous to go to pretty 5 or arashi about it, as irrational as it is considering it's fucking arashi, but he just wants aira's help to like, try on some skirts or something like he sees aira doing. no strings attached it doesnt mean anything, just to try.

aira is trying not to have a meltdown in the store while he waits for mika in the changing room. writing twitter posts with hands sweatier than they are after a live is one thing but having to physically be there and act as this ideal image of THE Trans Woman feels like he's standing there waiting for an axe to swing at his fucking head and that it's going to happen any second now. he gets these chills all down his back like some creepypasta character is about to get him. (he's still scared of the creepypastas).

mika says that he thinks the skirt is cute on him, but that he doesn't think he likes it. he says he doesn't know. he says that he doesn't like how it impedes on his masculinity.

"isn't that the point, though? you wanted to be a girl?" aira asks, hair actually wet with how much he's sweating.

"no... nyaghhhg, i don't wanna be a girl. i didn't think just putting it on would make me one, but if it does then i don't wanna wear it anymore."

aira thinks that is a weird fucking thing to say because of course if you're trying on skirts and trying to be feminine it means you're trying to be a transgirl, and he also thinks that if he has to hear mika talk for a second longer he's going to explode from fucking anger. he doesn't think to question why he's so angry, but he says something snappy at mika and it makes mika give up so it all works out and he can go home.

hiiro can tell aira isn't doing well but hiiro can go fuck himself for all aira cares. aira can't even practice anymore, he's just getting angrier and angrier with each day.

eventually he tears off all his clothes in a rage and throws out all his makeup, even the ones he'd been using before his transition. rei comes into their dorm and is alarmed to find aira burning a pile of clothes in the middle of the room. he's attempted to protect the carpet by putting it on top of cardboard. rei has to use the fire extinguisher.

after aira's calmed down a bit rei laughs out of nowhere. aira asks him what. rei says that he thinks aira is the first amab trans guy he's met. aira says he's had enough of all these fucking labels. rei asks if he wants him to inform eichi for him, in regards to the marketing. aira says yeah, thank you...

with touch of feather, aira grows more comfortable in his own skin.

sometime later, mika nervously announces to the pretty 5 that he's genderqueer. arashi helps him come out, and the rest express their support. tori says welcome to the club. (aira wonders how he didn't already know this about tori.)

"in what way?" aira asks mika after congratulating him.

"errr..." mika looks confused for a moment before realisation dawns on his face. "oh. nah, just genderqueer. i don't like all those expectations 'n all that. i just wanna do whatever feels right. that's what humans are, ain't it? just a lotta nonsense feelings."

"oh," says aira.

in retrospect, aira supposes that arashi isn't completely gender conforming and hyper-feminine either. and later, after he and hiiro get together (finally), he asks hiiro if he was still interested in him while he was trans. hiiro says yeah, he doesn't see why that would affect it, and really he was worried about him more than anything else. before aira can make some inquiry about his hometown, hiiro continues that he's been talking a lot to the other idols, so he knows a bit about the city's queer labels (and the variance & nuance in identity) now, and that he's bisexual --- well, he doesn't really like calling himself the labels very much, but that it's the best way to communicate it. aira says huh. he wasn't really expecting to hear that from him.

i think after all that aira would be comfortable just being gnc occasionally, and not worry too hard about being a Boy or a Girl.

#my words #aira shiratori #mika kagehira #arashi narukami #rei sakuma #hiiro amagi #lgbt headcanons #this is longer than i thought itd be but yeah. shrug #i dont usually use tone tags but i put them there to account for online reading comprehension #for anyone wondering im transmasc (not a guy) myself #oh right #hiiai #just in case anyone has it blacklisted lol

[jinwoosungs]

{ 35 }

his special someone.

asahi nakiri x fem.reader

alternate title: a love letter to a lost soul.

a.n.- i'm well aware that i'm writing for a character the vast majority of the food wars fandom hates, and all i can say is i don't really care. you don't need to read this story if you hate this character, but please do not send me any hate for liking asahi nakiri despite it all, thank you.

extra notes: this story is based on asahi from the manga ending, and it's very self indulgent ♡

asahi never believed he could ever find a place where he could truly call home.

all he had ever known was the harsh reality his mother had given him, filling his soul with a darkness that couldn't be erased regardless of the many times he tried to forget.

looking back on it now, he felt shameful for not missing her even with her passing-

but in a way, he should be thankful, right?

because if it wasn't for the tragedy that befell of him, then he never would have met joichirou saiba.

he saw the man as his sole father-figure and spent most of his life chasing after him. it was childish of him, boasting about his cross knives ability as he took on the BLUE competition-

and suffered a great loss to soma yukihara.

he was told that his dishes, while euphoric in taste and execution, lacked the essence of asahi himself, whereas soma's dishes was filled with his own passion and love.

all asahi ever wanted was to feel like he belonged; that he too could make someone he loved happy with his cooking.

and at some point, he believed erina was the key to his happiness due to the anonymity surrounding his past. and in a way, he was half right. but instead of being her groom, his true identity was revealed to be as her older half brother.

despite all the trouble he put her through, erina still forgave him, giving him a place to call home while allowing him to wear the nakiri name with pride.

he had grown so much these past eight years, and was living a content life.

but that all changed the moment he met you.

he recalls that memory fondly. it was raining that afternoon, and he was stuck waiting at the train station due to the several delays. as he turned his gaze down at his watch to look at the time, he felt another presence standing beside him.

he looks over to see you, a young woman drenched from head to toe thanks to the downpour. you were shivering, and it was clear that you had forgotten your umbrella as evident from how soaked you were from the rain. you cling to your bag and held it close to your chest, murmuring about how you hoped your notes weren't too ruined.

asahi clears his throat, shrugging off the outer layer of his suit before placing it over your shoulders. you gasp and look up at him, giving him a view of your features as he felt his lips turn up slightly in a tiny smile.

she's cute. something about you seemed achingly soft to him, and he felt this strange desire to protect you. coming closer to you, he holds his umbrella over you all while chuckling, "hello, my name is asahi nakiri and i don't want you to feel alarmed. this may not help with much, but i feel bad seeing you so cold."

you shakily thank him all while introducing your own name to him, making asahi chuckle when he asks, "did you forget your umbrella?"

he watches as you nod, feeling shy when he notices that you didn't meet his gaze. "yeah, i had classes and a lab today, so i was out later than usual. the morning fooled me with the sun and mild weather."

he was suddenly aware of the station making an announcement, hearing his destination being called when he takes a hold of your hand. "come with me."

"huh? b-but i live in the opposite direction."

"it's okay, come with me, unless you want to get sick?"

this seems to wake you up when you shake your head, following him with your arms linked around his. you apologize several times for getting his suit wet, but he simply waves off your concern.

asahi couldn't explain it, but being so close to you made something melt inside of him, causing him to feel a warmth coursing through him-

like sunshine reaching all the way to his extremities.

and he refused to let this feeling go, refused to let you go.

the ride spent on the train was filled with an awkward silence. asahi insisted on standing in front of you, protecting you from the crowd of the train and their lingering gaze on your soaked form. keeping his hand against the train's window, he presses his body in front of yours, shielding you from the crowd as he whispers against your damp hair, "relax, i'll keep you safe."

luckily, the ride didn't last long, and you arrived at his stop within 15 minutes. he continues to hold the umbrella over you, not caring that half of his body was getting wet in the process as he lead you back to his apartment.

by the time you reach his apartment, you were shivering, teeth clattering as your wet clothes clung to your body. asahi quickly gave you several plush towels and urges you into his bathroom, promising to hand you some of his clothes to wear and to focus on warming up with a hot bath.

you follow his commands all while thanking him before locking yourself in. when asahi hears the faucet run, his mind began to race when he rummages through his closet for something you can wear, settling on one of his t-shirts and a pair of shorts.

folding his clothes in front of the bathroom for you, his next mission was now to cook the perfect meal for you to help with warming you up.

he didn't want to overwhelm you with a hot pot, so maybe he could make some ramen?

immediately, his mind thought up of the perfect ingredients as he worked on putting together the perfect bowl of ramen for you.

the broth was carefully simmered as he cut thin slices of pork, adding together a variety of spices while chopping up some scallions. the noodles were boiled to perfection as he worked on assembling the perfect bowl for you.

the soft sounds of footsteps catches his attention as asahi looks back to greet you-

only to have his words caught in his throat upon seeing your gentle beauty.

something about you made his heart clench painfully, and he couldn't deny how shy he felt seeing you in his clothes. you looked so soft, so inviting to him that he began to tremble.

he was becoming so flustered, yet you didn't seem to notice as a dreamy expression paints your features. "what smells so good?"

ah, the ramen.

asahi clears his throat and beckons you over to the kitchen counter where his ramen for you was settled. he went into great detail describing it, using words you didn't quite understand but appreciated nonetheless.

"thank you for this meal." you softly whisper before taking the first bite with your chopsticks.

the taste was overwhelming to you, sending you straight to heaven as the melody of flavors danced within your mouth. in just one bite alone, you felt the prior coldness of your body melt away. you felt so warm, so loved that tears began streaming from your eyes.

"it's good, it's really good." even with the tears streaming down your face, you continue slurping up the ramen noodles, earning a gentle smile from asahi himself.

he leans across the table, admiring your cute face and the way you cried over his ramen. he reaches out a hand to you to wipe away at your tears, "it's so good that it makes you cry?"

"mhmm, i can taste the love you put into this ramen. it feels like home, nakiri."

what your cooking lack is the very essence that makes up who you are. all i feel is an emptiness beneath the carefully made layers of your dish.

what you're searching for, you'll get even without worrying about it.

asahi was dumbfounded, attempting to hide his blush from beneath his hands as he watches you with awe. here you were, someone who was nothing short of a complete stranger to him, actively enjoying something he made. your blissful expression was beautiful to him, and he found himself wanting to elicit even more responses from you with his cooking alone.

his heart suddenly froze as realization hit him.

he had finally found someone he wanted to cook for; someone he wanted to dedicate the entirety of his life's dishes to-

and the fact made him smile.

that was how your first meeting went, with you showing him your clean bowl and thanking him for the delicious meal. he asked you out then, not wanting to lose you for even a second-

now, three years later, you were still together, going strong as asahi kept spoiling you with his cooking. he found it endearing how you got so mad at him, telling him "i'm gonna start gaining so much weight at the rate that you're feeding me, asahi!"

and each time you told him your concerns, he would simply kiss away your fears and reassure you that you would always be beautiful to him regardless of your size.

after all, you were his heart and soul. asahi would be nothing without you-

and he was ready to finally admit just how much you meant to him.

he watches you while you slept, completely unaware of the plans he had for you when morning came. in fact, it made him so nervous that he truly couldn't sleep at all.

for hidden deep within the confines of his drawers was a tiny velvet box and a gorgeous ring he had picked specifically for you, his queen.

with a whisper of your name, asahi pulls you to him, pressing a kiss against your forehead as he silently vowed to give you all of his forevers-

that all you had to do was say yes, and he'll make you the happiest woman alive.

final note: i love him i love him i love him i love him !!!!

all stories are written by rei; reposts, translations, and plagiarism are not allowed.

#asahi nakiri x reader #asahi nakiri x you #asahi nakiri x y/n #asahi nakiri fluff #asahi saiba x reader #asahi saiba x you #asahi saiba x y/n #asahi saiba fluff #shokugeki no soma x reader #shokugeki no souma x reader #asahi nakiri #asahi saiba #food wars x reader #food wars imagines #.stories

[starsailor-kinthepast]

I’m actually considering being either hearted with or identifying as a species of basal human! I’m not sure but I think It’s either australopithecus or paranthropus. Would you mind talking about your experiences being a neanderthal, and what it’s like emotionally and behaviorally? What are some “instincts” that come to mind? Basically anything about yourself and your identity I’m interested in! Thankyou for your time :)

This is tricky to answer, since I'm very unsure what parts of me came about because of my identity versus what parts of me caused my identity, but I'll write them out as best I can!

A list of things I associate with/attribute to my otherhumanism is, in no particular order:

Sleeping habits

Sleeping with furs in my bed (I have some sheepskins) makes me insanely euphoric. I have a fake fireplace as well that gives off the perfect light, and I often have nature ambiances playing on my computer. Even then I long for sharing my bed with someone - not in a romantic or sexual way, just to share space and warmth. Back-to-back or front-to-front or anything at all; I've always slept better with someone else near/present. Discord sleep calls have been my saviour so many times before!

Clothes and fashion

Neanderthals weren't big on decorating their clothes, and like many cultures throughout history we only have a few outfits - usually just for cold and hot weather, maybe an extra overcoat for traveling/hunting. I carry much of this over to today, wearing loose clothes and caring very little about what it looks like. Easy and plain is best for me, and bonus points if it's in natural colors like tan or ochre.

Despite not having an eye for details in clothes in that regard, the visually pleasing is still very important! I'm very sensitive to things like symmetry and geometric shapes, as well as high quality of tools.

Physical contact and touch

All my friends go through a "touching" phase. I go from zero to a hundred rather abruptly with people I get close to; with strangers and acquintances I'm very little touchy out of cultural conditioning. Then, the moment I'm more comfortable with someone, I'll start touching them - just little prods at their arms, touching moles or freckles, plucking at their hair, fiddling with their sleeves or fingers. They usually take this in stride, haha. This is very similar to how we act in our families-tribes-caves-clans! Grooming each other, casual closeness, etc.

Ease with the uneasy

Gremlin mode! I'm the wild child that never grew out of the phase; I'll get dirty and crawl on my hands through mud and wilderness, and it feels so much more natural to just live and exist this way. It's the 'gross' and 'weird' habits many modern societies cast aside.

Interest in pre-history

Ancient humans have always been one of my huge interests. Whether this is because of my otherhumanism, or my otherhumanism came about because of it, I have no idea. But it's there, and now it only serves to strengthen/be strengthened by our connection.

As the seasons go...

Every single aspect of me is affected by the seasons. With autumn I feel restless/the need to hunt, to gather, and prepare. With winter I'm lethargic, sleepy, almost dormant in a way. Spring and summer are similar to autumn, I feel the call of nature and the need to harvest, to gather. Weather has a direct effect on me that's more than just heat. This is also connected to my disability, but serves as yet another tie to neanderthals.

To love the wild

Nature is my soulmate more than anything else ever will be. I love the beauty of it, the rawness of it, that we all came from it. With the reverence that comes from living in it, it isn't surprising. It's more than aesthetics for me; it's life, too, and death. It's everything, it's home. Caves are comfort; fire is comfort. I live in the capital nowadays, and it's killing me in slow-motion. I need wild nature as much as I need air.

Living together

As with sleeping, living in the presence of someone else is... essential. This is more connected to all human nature than anything else I've spoken about; homo sapiens, as a rule, are pack animals. This is only heightened for those of us who yearn for a time/place where the same applies. Communal living is just ideal, really. I miss it.

The physical differences

There's less dysphoria related to otherhumanism than other forms of otherkinity, I've experienced, but it's very much still there. My body is too wrong: too tall, too slim, too weak, too straight. This, despite being short and stocky in build. It's been a point of shame for me before, having broad worker hands and un-attractive proportions, but now it's a source of comfort. It brings me closer to what I should look like.

Instincts

The instincts of neanderthals and sapiens are not very different, and I can't exactly pinpoint them. Still, I can say that my hunter-gatherer instincts are stronger than they've ever been before. Most notably is perhaps the way I feel out-of-place among humans when in nature: I pay a different sort of attention to my surroundings. I change. I scan plants, listen for sounds, try to analyze all I hear and see and feel. A survival instinct wakes up: to be on guard, to look for food, to be watchful and aware. I've never known anyone IRL who reacts to nature that way: like a hunter, like someone hunted. It is out of my control and has made me feel very isolated at times.

Thank you for this ask <3 I really appreciate it! I hope this helped somewhat. Feel free to keep me updated on your journey; I'd love to hear from moder otherhumans!

#star speaks #star answers #neanderthal kin #otherhuman #alterhuman #otherkin #anon ask #this was enlightening to answer. thank you!!