#idk if its because its close to sounding polish and im part polish or what but its hot

[hella1975]

accent enthusiast and yorkshire citizen here: tho posh pricks and classists attack regional accents (even though by nature these accents are arguably MORE english and retain more germanic features because of less education and/or more rurality, while they sound french) because they hate poor people, i am going to hypothesise that they are also racist

so. i assume youre northern by the sound of your h dropping. h dropping is a very white northern accent trait, people who grew up in places with a significant white majority. however, t dropping is very recent addition to working class northern english which originated with estuary english and spread across the country by ethnic minorities - mostly by second/third gen a. carribbean, south asian and polish people. this creates a new type of working class english which is unique to every city, every ethnicity and every household across britain. its called MBE (multicultural british english). it is usually spoken in places with diverse population. and although not much research has been done on these accents (apart from the one in london bc of fucking course), they are spoken by many many people.

mbe is usually a mix of a. carribbean, south asian, polish and regional slang amd accent features. but one defining characteristic is the t dropping. which again is a pretty new accent feature outside of london. so my hypothesis: they focus on the t dropping specifically because it's unique to ethnically diverse english.

i will talk accents with anyone for hours upon hours upon hours anon i am shaking u by the head for all ur thoughts rn. im not from up north! im a midlands girlie through and through, rural england right by the welsh border. mine is technically a rhotic accent with hints of welsh?? but my town in particular has much more welsh elements than midlands elements just bc of how close we are to the border?? idk my accent has been known to confuse people far and wide lol. the perks of being from the midlands truly.

everything you've said here is new to me, are there any sources/articles you could send me so i can read more? this seems super interesting!

i do however know a bit about midlands' accents/rural english accents, and from what i know of them, the 'dropping Ts' part of certain dialects has been present for centuries. it's called the glottal T (which is v funny to me bc saying that out loud on its own will reveal to people if you t-glottal or not). it's really hard to find out where this originated from and i cant speak for up north but ik in my area the general consensus is that it's just. always been around (which i know can't be true so again! if anyone has any sources or knows anything im such a nerd about these things so pls dont be shy!). still, i always thought it came from old english and a lot of influence from scots? and from my knowledge from its origins in england i always thought it did START with the rural areas like mine? alas for my own sanity i try not to research t-glottalling too much bc even the 5 mins i did for this to double check my facts had me seeing words like 'insidious' and 'lazy' and 'ugly' being thrown about literally bc of a single letter. like insidious are we being serious rn. someone tell barnaby from kent to take deep breaths.

the polish thing really interested me here though bc ive heard once or twice people say about my dialect/region that there are polish elements, and as someone who knows nothing about polish i couldn't really pinpoint to you what it was or anything but seeing it in your ask i was like !!!!! fr !!!!! it's interesting that this could be why people say that.

going back to h-dropping and t-glottalling, my region is actually RENOWNED for 'dropping letters and syllablles left right and centre' <- direct quote from someone trying to explain it lmao. like we've got very farmer accents to the point my flatmate once - very rudely - went on and ON about me having a west country accent and even when i explained it to her over and over that no just bc i have a RURAL accent doesnt mean it has to be west country, she still wouldn't let it go and tried to make a joke that my accent was 'inbred' bc of it. this is the flatmate i made cry and is now too scared to stay at our flat though so all is well <3 so yeah it's not just the northerners! even if we all have to suffer at the hands of the RP folk

the mbe thing is super interesting though bc while i dont know enough about it to speak on the letter dropping, i do know that my own accent has picked up a couple mbe features since coming to uni (mainly just new slang than actual accent but ive had to catch myself a couple times icl). not only is my uni city one of the most multicultural cities in england, but a lot of the student population are from london, which IS the most multicultural city in england. i know there's the stereotypical roadman accent that a lot of people tease about, but that is of course hugely inspired by the ethnicities you listed, particularly caribbean, and a lot of that comes right out of london. there's definitely something to be said about the fact that the people who most often get called chavs/get slated for being rough are also the ones who speak with that multicultural accent. like i WONDER what that's about

#im being serious if anyone knows more about this im dying to know #bc it's so hard to find resources on the actual HISTORY of english dialects #mainly bc they're so individual like i literally had to delete a chunk of this response bc i realised someone dedicated enough #could actually figure out my TOWN based purely on the slang/dialect features i was talking about #but yes i know we've said it before but you know when i get mad at americans on here that mimic t-glottalling? #it's bc you sound like barnaby from kent. it's bc there's people i deal with DAILY that think i sound ugly stupid lazy and INSIDIOUS #just bc of a single letter #and that's just the Ts! i said here my accent is known for dropping letters wherever we can! do you know how tired i am of this! #ask

[pub-lius]

De-Georgianizing George Bickham’s Penmanship Made Easy (Young Clerk’s Assistant)

I got this idea a while ago after I made my post about Weird History’s video on Alexander Hamilton, and after @quillsink complemented my post on 18th century penmanship and boosted my ego (you really shouldn’t complement me or I might have self esteem). So, here’s another informal post where I basically just profit off of an old, dead man’s work :D

In the 18th century, people weren’t just given crayons and told to write their name and figure it out from there. They learned from workbooks, like the Young Clerk’s Assistant, that showed them how to from the letters, how to sit properly, and gave example sentences to copy. For purposes of improving my god-awful handwriting and to see what it was like to learn how to write in the 18th century, I purchased this book and went through it, doing only the Round-hand because it looked the easiest. 

Georgie starts by dictating every aspect of your entire life. Here’s a dumbed down version of his silly little list:

-The size of letters is determined by O and N, so make sure you know how to write those ig

-Georgie wants you to suffer so your down-strokes should be THICC and your up-strokes should be very tiny, done with the corner of your pen. Idk if it’s just my quills or if I’m stupid (probably both) but this is impossible and I gave up on this a long time ago

-NEVER TURN YOUR PEN OR THE POSITION OF YOUR HAND

-He says something weird about your up and down-strokes being proportioned and “answer one another” so I would just say uh... make it pretty

-Letters without stems (e, m, u, s, etc.) MUST be even at the top and bottom, so like the same width and height

-Your stems (d, h, etc.) should be equal in height to lowercase L, except t. This drives me crazy because I’m so used to making t the same as the other letters with stems, but its supposed to be shorter, like closer to i.

-Stems going below (y, q, etc.) should be equal in length to j. As you can tell, symmetry is key

-Capitals should be equal to lowercase L, but “a little stronger”, so I’ll leave that up to your interpretation

-The space between words should be twice the difference between letters, and the spaces between lines should be twice the distance of L, so that low hanging stems don’t intersect with the line below. I, apparently, forgot this rule lol

-Hold your pen between two fingers, almost straight (???) and the thumb bending. The nib, or point, of your pen should be flat 

-Put your paper directly in front of you and your hand should be supported by your pinkie finger (gotta do some finger gymnastics jesus).

-Rest your arm ~lightly~ between the wrist and elbow (okay then)

-Sit up straight you baby and keep your elbow close to your side

-Rest your body on your left arm, keeping the paper down with your left hand. And eat food by chewing and breathe by taking in air through your nose and mouth

-NEVER LEAN HARD ON YOUR PEN (make me)

-write slow at first :)

-this one is stupid. make the nib of your pen (”for the round and round hand text hands”) the ~breadth~ of the full stroke, and the part close to the hand? shorter and narrower. I don’t understand this so I don’t listen (omg do I follow any of these rules jesus-)

-for the Italian Hand, make the nib ~finer~ and the slit? longer (if you chose to use the italian hand you’re asking for these confusing rules i can’t help you)

-when numbers appear with letters, the numbers must slope

-numbers should also be bigger than letters

-when you’re writing numbers in columns (because you do that all the time) make them upright

For fun, I’m going to include some moral maxims because I thought some of them were pretty good and they’re good for practice and for examples of how the youth were educated. They had to copy these a bunch when they were learning so they at least subconsciously learned them

-Art polishes and improves nature

-Beauty’s a fair but fading flower

-Fortune’s a fair but fickle mistrefs [mistress]

-Knowledge is a godlike attribute

-Necefsiy [necessity] is the mother of invention

-Variety is the beauty of the world

-Zeal misapply’d is pious phrenzy

I also copied a couple exercises in this book such as copying the days of the week, the months and their amount of days, and a list of Christian names. There’s also this funny little passage that I copied, so I’ll include that as the conclusion to this post. BTW it’s sounds a bit misogynistic but I can’t exactly discern a moral? Like it’s just like “you know how water moves with wind? Yeah women are like that but instead of junk being in the water, the dirt and stuff is men.” and im like “...okay? is that... is that it?” Idk i hate poetry.

“In a dull Stream, which moving flow, You hardly See the Current flow. If a Small Breeze obstructs the Courfe [course], It whirles about for want of Force; And in its narrow Circle gathers Nothing but Chaff, & Straw, & Feathers. The Current of a Female’s Mind Stops thus, and turns with every wind. Thus whirling round, together draws Fools, Fops, & Rakes, for Chaff & Straws.” 

#18th Century #1700s #1700s literature #historical writing #18th Century Literature #literature #writing #Handwriting #calm down george #im not doing hand gymnastics for a man #women are like water #i learned that chaff means like the husk of corn #idk why that fact disturbed me

[floating-in-limbo]

You're my sun, my moon, and all my stars.

Tw: self h*rm, depression, angst.

GN!Reader x Hawks angst

A vent fic I wrote because I needed to do something to cope healthily. I might write a short second ending, but idk. I didn't beta read this, but I'll polish it tomorrow and post it to my AO3 as well. Much love.

BNHA writing blog @hawksmodelofficial

The room was dark except for the faint light shining from your phone's screen. It was some what quiet due to the sound of your fan whirring, keeping your room cool. All this was part of your typical nightly routine and wouldn't be concerning except for the fact that you felt suffocated. Again.

You're sitting on your bed, the air blasting you giving you one of the only physical sensations you can feel in this state. Staring ahead into the black room, you sit and listen to all the horrid thoughts running through your head.

You feel numb and would give anything to feel something other than this suffocating emptiness. You tried your usual coping mechanisms: watching videos that usually make you laugh, listening to your comfort bands, distracting yourself with any sort of pastime.

None of it is working though. None of it has been working for a while now. This numbness, emptiness, hollow feeling consuming your body grows every day. Some days you can manage to push past it, jump over the hurdles and clear the finish line. Not today.

The last option you can think of before doing something harmful is to reach out to someone. You've been isolating yourself, but you desperately want their help at the same time.

Looking at the phone resting in your hands, you pull up Keigo's contact. It had been a couple days since the last time you two talked. He's the #2 pro hero, so he's constantly busy, but always tries to make time for you.

Y/n: are you awake

You sent the message and watched it deliver. You only ask because it's currently 3:26am and most people are asleep at this time. He responds a minute later.

Dodo Brain: what's up?

You're staring at his message. On one hand you're relieved Keigo's awake but on the other, you can already feel the guilt eating away at you for bothering him.

Y/n: i need help

Y/n: i hurt

You typed out the messages with shaky hands. Your chest tightens and you feel sick. You hate asking for help. Why should you make other people suffer because you can't help yourself?

Dodo Brain: are you ok, kid? what's wrong are you hurt???

Looking at the clock, it really hits just how tired he must be and how much you're intruding on his personal time. You decide to call off your cry for help before you make it any worse for him.

Y/n: ah yeah nvm dont worry about it sorry to wake you

You toss your phone onto your pillow. Once again, you're sabotaging yourself but you don't care anymore. Getting up from your bed, you head to the bathroom to get bandages, and tissues. While doing this, you fail to notice your text notifications going off.

Dodo Brain: kid what are you talkin about

Dodo Brain: why arent you answering

Dodo Brain: please answer me you're making me worried

Dodo Brain: im heading over now

Once you have your supplies to clean up, you head back into your room and sit back on your bed. You grabbed your hidden blade on the way and now just contemplate your actions.

Craving to feel something, anything, even if its pain and regret, you'll take it. You chose where you want to cut and begin, pulling a long line across your skin. You hiss at the immediate sting. Blood already begins to bead.

You continue to do this, almost in a daze yet you feel tears suddenly well from your eyes and fall. It hurts. Not just what you're doing, but what lead you to this point.

Unbeknownst to you, Keigo immediately flew to your residence. He grabbed the spare key you gave him and unlock the front door. Its eerily quite except for the faint sobs he can hear as he navigates the dark residence.

After you were satisfied with your work, you just sit there letting the blood drip down your skin. You'll have to do laundry but that's the least of your worries. You lean your head back against the wall and cry. Soft whispers of "I'm sorry..." leave your lips.

Keigo finds your room, using your quite cries and soft words to navigate. He flips on the lights and gasps at the scene in front of him. You jolt your head forward, eyes wide and you scramble to hide yourself. Unfortunately that only makes you wince in pain and open the wounds further.

"We need to get you cleaned up. Dont move okay? You already have bandages so let me do the work." Keigo's words dont really reach you but you sit there anyway.

He moves towards you with conviction but the energy around him is scared, nervous even. Sure he's seen your old scars before but never this. He grabs the bandages and antiseptic, applying them to all the wounds.

Every now and then you wince, and he immediately spills apologies. Your head is hanging low, you can't bear to make eye contact with him. Once Keigo finishes cleaning you up, there is an awkward silence.

"I'm sorry..." is all you can croak out before your sobbing into your hands. Embarrassment floods your head. Regret. Resent. Why did he have to come? Why did he have to see this?

"Fuck, kid. Please don't apologize. You didn't answer my texts and I figured something was wrong. I just wish I got here sooner." You can hear the pain in his usually cheery voice.

"I didn't know what to do anymore! I'm sick of feeling like this! Im sick of hurting so much that I have to hurt myself to distract from everything else. It's not fucking fair..."

Keigo stands in front of you assessing the situation. He reaches out to touch you but you shrink away from him. "Please leave, Kei...please...I'm tired."

"So am I, y/n but if you think I'm leaving you alone like this, I'm pretty sure you're the dodo brain out of the two of us." You smile ever so slightly. Its broken and he can tell.

"Let's get some clean sheets on the bed first, ok? Then we're going to sleep and I'm not leaving you alone. Not when you're hurting like this. Can you move?" You shake your head no. Not only do you hurt, exhaustion set in.

"I'm gonna pick you up alright, kid?" You nod and that's all he needs. Gently, he wraps his arms around your frame and pulling you into his chest. Red feathers move throughout your room, pulling the bloodied sheets off and tossing them into your hamper.

"I'm gonna set you down so I can grab the spares. Promise me, you'll be okay until I get back."

"Kei, you're just going down the hall."

"Y/n." His voice is stern but still soft at the same time. "Look at me." You gaze up at him and see the broken expression on his face. You never noticed the pain he probably feels right now.

"Pinky promise you'll be okay for a couple minutes." He holds out his hand, sticking his pinky out for you to reciprocate. You slowly do the same and cross fingers. "I'll be right back."

He leaves your room and you can hear him grabbing stuff from the closet with spare bedding. You sit with your head hanging down, eyes closed, thinking of everything. Keigo comes back with am armful of bedding and you shakily stand so he can change the sheets completely.

"Let's go to bed, okay?. I'm taking tomorrow off and I'm staying with you until we figure this out.

"You dont need to do that. I'll be fine, really. I dont want to burden you..." You can feel the tears well up again and you begin to shake. "Y/n, please. I can't bear to see you like this. You're the sun I see in the sky when I fly and the moon when I rest at night."

You look at him with disbelief. "Let's go to bed and talk more in the morning okay?" You nod and he moves you to bed, pulling you close but still aware of where you're hurt. His wings come around on top of you, almost like he's shielding you.

Your eyes slowly dip close as he rubs circles on your hand with his thumb.

#kyle talks #kyle writes #bnha #takami keigo #keigo takami #bnha hawks #mha #boku no hero academia #boku no hero fanfic #bnha reader insert #reader x hawks #hawks #hawks x reader #self harm #depression

[wonderland-in-bloom]

the boys’ dream dates pt.2

@meiriethedreamer​ asked: Could you do hc's for each character's dream date?

part two cuz the first post would’ve been a little too long :))

♡

scarabia

kalim al-asim

honestly, this might be the most generic thing ever, but magic carpet rides

but he’ll show you A WHOLE NEW WORLD in an ARABIAN NIGHT ok i’ll stop

but he’ll be so happy to take you around in one and just take you to see different places

or ya know if he’s that bored he’ll just fly around the dorm with the carpet

honestly i’d think he’d purposely steer the carpet a little bit fast or reckless so you’d feel a little bit scared and just cling onto him the whole ride

like you’d close your eyes and just wrap your arms around his torso and squeeze tightly and honestly he’d be happy with that

he’d teach you how to steer it one day, but for now, he’s just content with you hugging him 

jamil viper

i feel like late night rant sessions would be his ideal date as weird as it sounds

eating cereal in the early morning woop woop

i feel like he’d just enjoy unwinding from a tiring day of dealing w/ kalim and be able to be so vulnerable around you and acc be a human being who doesn’t need to care abt responsibilities or behavior, etc. 

he’d probs break down in front of you at times and i feel like you’d just be there to comfort him and tell him everything will be okay and you’d just hug it out

trash talk about other dorms lol

either its angst hours or just goofy af hours

like y’all can be sobbing a whole ocean or laughing ur asses off ‘till your stomach hurts and there’s no in between

pomefiore

vil schoenheit

SPA DAYS!

he’d just take you out to a super duper fancy af spa and just relax there together

or just have a casual spa day back in the pomefiore dorms

matching face masks and nail polish!

you’d take turns pampering each other honestly

also doing each other’s hair and makeup before going out to dinner together would be something vil really enjoys!

BRAIDING EACH OTHER’S HAIR TOO!!!

vil would love the compliments he gets from the other students but he’d just be so smug and brag to everyone that you did his makeup and how amazing you look too <3

epel felmier

i feel like he’ll take you out hiking and explore nature 

you’d def climb trees together and just see the different sights from tall trees

one time you weren’t so careful climbing down a tree cuz you wanted to show off to epel how you could jump down a tree and be cool like him, but it turns out you fell and scraped your knee

i feel like he’ll panic a lot and just try his best to treat your wound

LITTLE BBY KISSES IT and be like “there, that’ll make it heal quicker”

and thus not only your knee was aching, but also your heart ;-;

rook hunt

SO HE LIKES THEATRE HMMM, so he’d take you out to countless plays!

from street acts to high-class super duper fancy plays in those fancy looking theaters

you notice the glint in his eyes every time he watches a play, even if it’s just something small, and you find that adorable

he’d just recite different lines from the play you two watched that day and just reenact scenes with you

if you both go the extra mile, you both just reenact the whole play and make it super lovey dovey and adorable

(he would force the other pomefiore students to come watch and honestly you felt like losing your cool but once you met rook’s eyes and saw his burning passion, you didn’t even feel flustered or scared anymore)

ignihyde

idia shroud

GAME NIGHTS IS DEFINITELY HIS IDEAL, DREAM DATE!

just staying in his room with you and playing different types of games

from rhythm games on both your phones to shooting games on a gaming console

super duper competitive

you actually beat him in shooting game a couple of times and this did not sit well with idia

so he decided to distract you in the middle of the game by pecking your lips

YOU WERE FLUSTERED OF COURSE AND YOU LOST

and thus the war of ‘distracting-each-other-with-small-but-cute-acts-so-they’ll-lose-the-game’ began

diasomnia 

malleus draconia 

i think he’s just a soft and misunderstood bby who just wants to spend some quality time with you and i think just lounging around in his room while reading books is something he enjoys A LOT

just each of you with a book on the bed and you’re just resting your head against his chest while reading and he’s playing with your hair AAAAAA (a♕-chan is getting flustered cuz malleus is bby aaaa) 

or ya know he’d just enjoy hearing your stories or just how your day went

in return he’d also tell you countless stories

i feel like he’d be very open around you since a lot of people don’t approach him, he just wants someone to vent to and be open with (ya know who won’t bully him like lilia) 

just floofy af moments with lots of PDA, hugs, kisses aaaaa

lilia vanrouge

honestly he’s just a mystery and it’s a mystery what his dream date with you would be like, but i have no idea why a game of hide and seek is something he’d love to do with you

from hide and seek in the diasomnia dorm to the whole freaking school

you both definitely got caught by riddle hiding in the heartslabyul gardens more than once

you two would go even as far as ‘borrowing’ kalim’s magic carpets and use it to hide and/or run away

you two would just be really childish and it’s adorable :)) 

silver

so i don’t really know a lot about silver yet but i feel like he’s that type of boy who looks so flat and like a whole kuudere on the outside but he has a soft spot on the inside for animals

like one day you were in the heartslabyul gardens enjoying tea with riddle when all of a sudden ace and deuce come screaming because the hedgehogs ran away 

you expected silver to have no reaction but he picked a couple up and he snuggled them close to his chest (and you died at this)

and so you took the initiative to surprise him any chance you get with any small, cute and fluffy animal you can find 

of course malleus wouldn’t allow animals in the dorm, so you just borrowed kalim’s many pets to play with for a day or two

so he’d just love to spend time with you and animals, cuz you’re both small and adorable :))

sebek zigvolt

I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I THINK SEBEK’S IDEAL DATE WITH YOU IS JUST THE BOTH OF YOU DOING SPORTS TOGETHER

i feel like you’d both be super duper competitive but then once you get tired, you just basically give up

at first sebek teases you of course but then he’d probably be super duper tsundere-like and actually help you and keep up with your pace

i feel like you two would go on morning runs together a lot

when you’re tired (and still drowsy cuz he insists you run at 6-am) he’ll just carry you on his back and you’d actually fall asleep with your hands around his chest

suddenly you’d wake up in his room and he’ll probably tease you a lot, but he really appreciates the fact that you’re able to put up with him and actually go running together 

♡

IM DONE!!! idk if i got the charas’ personalities right or what they like/don’t like right but oh whale i think it’s cute. hope y’all enjoy :))

- a♕

#twisted wonderland #disney #disney twisted wonderland #night raven college #scarabia #pomefiore #ignihyde #diasomnia #kalim al asim #jamil viper #vil schoenheit #epel felmier #rook hunt #idia shroud #malleus draconia #lilia vanrouge #silver #sebek zigvolt #headcanons #imagines #hcs #twisted wonderland imagines #twisted wonderland hcs #kalim al asim hcs #jamil viper hcs #vil schoenheit hcs #epel felmier hcs #rook hunt hcs #idia shroud hcs #malleus draconia hcs

[xiaodejunletsact]

8 letters | park jisung

word count: 18,247

genre: highschool!au, baseball player!jisung, a lot of angst and fluff. childhood friends to enemies to friends to lovers lmao

warnings: mentions of bullying, a lot of emotional baggage from jisung’s part, physical fighting, basically lots of high school angst.

author’s note: hey everyone! im finally back from the dead lol, thank you to everyone who has waited to long for this and sent me nice messages, they really encouraged me :) anyway, a couple of things you guys should know before you start are: i tried to make this jisung a lot like real jisung idk if i did but i hope it worked lol and i tried to make as unfiltered of high school experience as you can get. so jisung faces bullying and social pressure in this and the 2000 line and chenle are all the same age as jisung in this. its a long one but i really hope you like it! thank you! (Btw!! this one is for all my 2002 liners who are going into senior year, lets make this year the best one yet!)

synopsis: 4 years ago, you and jisung’s long term friendship came to an abrupt end. now in senior year, the two of you find yourselves being forced together again by your mothers. suddenly, jisung begins to ask himself what is more important: his reputation or you. 

alternatively; 

if all it is is 8 letters, why is it so hard to say?

It had been a long time since you sat at the polished marble table that resides in the Park Household. The mix of colors on the table are weaved with bittersweet emotions as you stare down at them, the spaghetti his mother had served you grew cold as you took in the words your parents were throwing at you.

“We know you guys don’t really get along as well as you used to but the streets are getting dangerous nowadays. Just the other day they jumped a kid from your school!” Your mother says, exasperated. Her eyes were wide as Jisung’s mother nods her head in agreement across the table. The conversation has been going on for a half hour now, despite your clear distaste for the argument.

“I get that, mom. I just don’t see why I can’t just walk to school with Renjun.” She sighs at your words, making eye contact with Jisung’s mother across the table. You tear your gaze away from them to Jisung who scoffs in response to your words. “Is there something funny Jisung?”

“Our moms want us to go to school together so we can be safe, and you want to walk with that twig? He can’t protect you for shit.” He spits out at you, his mother giving him a warning to watch his language before you reply.

“And you can?” He falters momentarily at the sharp gaze you send his way, before shooting one back. Your stare down ends only when your mothers tell you to settle down.

“Jisung has a car now, y/n. It’s safer and you won’t have to take the walk to school every morning… I don’t see why you can’t just do this.” She looks at you with a pleading look, the type she knows you’ll give into. You shift your gaze away from her face and sigh. Jisung speaks up.

“Shouldn’t I have a say in this? It’s my car!” He sounds as frustrated as you feel. His mother laughs.

“Remind me, who pays that car?” This shuts him up immediately, producing a chuckle out of you  while he huffs. Your mothers watch the interaction with a sigh. “Please guys, we just want you to be safe. You guys used to be best friends! How hard can it be to spend 20 minutes together?” 

-

Very hard. 

The air in the car is thick when Jisung picks you up the next Monday morning, the silence between you two is filled with an indie pop album that plays on the radio when you get in. 

The inside of his car smells strongly of cologne, though it’s unfamiliar to you. You figured he started using it after you guys stopped being friends; it wouldn’t be the only thing that has changed while the two of you were apart. Like the bright laughter and easy conversations that one surrounded you two, that is now replaced with thick silence and tension. There’s also Jisung, who seems a lot more mature now, who joined the baseball team and became one of the most popular guys in school or the fact that he has a car and also the fact that he hasn’t talked to you since he told you he didn’t want to be friends anymore at the beginning of your freshman year of highschool.

Even now, you try to figure out what changed. What tables turned in Jisung’s head that caused him to react the way he did towards you. At the time, you supposed it was one of those friendship fallouts you see in movies, where things just don’t work out; that’s what split you two apart. However, you know that wasn’t the case when Jisung arrives the following week to school, contacts replacing his round glasses you loved so much and his arm wrapped around Jessica - the most popular and bitchiest girl in school. You recall the nauseating feeling you got when you saw him; it being the exact moment you realize that things had really changed, that this wasn’t just a friendship fallout, Jisung cut you out of his life so he could start a new one. 

Without you. 

Though it took a while, you began to realize that the Jisung you knew was long gone, no longer will he be fanboying to you about a new video game he’s into or a baseball game he has watched over and over. No longer will he be putting cute sticky notes in your locker. No longer was he your best friend. He was now popular guy every girl in school had a crush on, that wears his hair up and hangs out with the resident school asshole jocks. 

The best thing you could do was ignore it, pretend it didn’t happen by stuffing all of his things deep in your closet and never looking at them again. You occupied your thoughts by making new friends and picking up new hobbies, which led you to Renjun -who helped you through everything and was there for you when Jisung wasn’t. He took your mind off things and kept you busy and although he was your rock and you appreciate his company and friendship immensely, there are still times where you find yourself falling down the rabbit hole of questions and thoughts surrounding the Jisung situation. 

When your mother suddenly starts questioning what happened, where he is and saying that she misses him. You can only shrug as your mood dampens at his mention, rushing to your room and holding down the words that are threatening to escape:

Me too.

Your thoughts are interrupted by the sound of an opening car door, you barely have any time to process the scene in front of you because Jisung is already rushing into the gates of the school. Leaving you alone in his car. 

You watch as he jogs up to his jock friends and becomes one of them. He puts on his baseball jock skin and fits right in like he was never the boy who would sneak into your house when he was feeling lonely. 

He wasn’t anymore.

 You unbuckle your seatbelt and exit the car and walk into school, preparing to do what you do best: pretend it doesn’t matter.

-

You try especially hard to pretend it doesn’t matter as you wait for Jisung outside the school for two hours after the dismissal bell has rung. Your foot taps impatiently on the ground as you send him a 4th text asking him where he is. You can’t help but feel embarrassed; he stood you up, left you stranded on there and is on his way home probably laughing his ass off. 

You were foolish to think he would actually hold up his end of the deal and just be a good human being this once. You sigh and shake your head, trying to brush off the embarrassment off your mind as walk towards the school gates, starting the journey to your house. Trying your best to not think about it until the sound of your shoes against the sidewalk is disturbed by the sound of Jisung’s voice.

“Hey!” 

He’s standing near the entrance of the school, his hair wet, his torso covered is a loose T-shirt, different to the one he was wearing this morning and his chest was heaving like he had been running. You’re too far away to tell if the look on his face is upset or confused. “Where are you going? Get in the car!” You scoff at him and march your way up to him. Pointing an accusing finger at him you spit out. 

“You left me waiting here for nearly 2 hours! I was going home!” Jisung looks at you with a confused expression before shrugging his shoulders.

“I had baseball practice, I thought you knew.” 

“How would I know? I don’t keep up with the baseball team. You didn’t tell me either.” 

Jisung sighs and open the door to the passenger gets side, “Can you just get in so we can go?”

After staring harshly at him for a few seconds, you reluctantly get into the car. Jisung closes the door behind you and you watch as he walks around the car to the drivers side, seating himself before starting the car.

At first you drive in silence, which you figured is better than fighting, until Jisung turns down the radio.

“Since the season is starting, I’m gonna have practice everyday after school for the next few weeks.” 

You nod at his words silently planning in your head what the hell you're going to do at school for 2 hours. Before you can think of a reply, Jisung turns up the radio, signifying the conversation is over. You bitterly settle back into your seat.

-

When you arrive to your street, Jisung pulls into his driveway and just like this morning, rushes out of the car and into his house like you have the plague, without sparing you a word. 

You cross the street from his driveway to your own and look back at his house one last time. The light of his room is turned on now, you can see his silhouette faintly through the curtains as he moves sound his room. You shake your head as you look away, rushing into your house without looking back.

-

Maybe it’s the fact that you’ve interacted more with Jisung in the past two days than to have in the past two years or maybe you were just feeling nostalgic, because there could be no other reason you find yourself reaching into the deepest part of your closet later that night, taking out the box for the first time since you bid that part of your life farewell all those years ago. 

It’s covered in a thick layer of dust that floats through the air as finally bring it out. You take a seat on the floor of your room and place the box in front of you, taking a deep breath before taking out the first item. A handheld mirror. 

You instantly find yourself smiling, the mirror had been a birthday gift from Jisung. You flip it to see the faded words written on the back, that cause your eyes to gloss over: 

“E`````very time you tell me that you hate the way you look, I lose brain cells bc you’re one of the prettiest girls out there. Please see what i see. Happy birthday, y/n - Jisung <3”

You remember using the mirror for practically everything after receiving it, feeling that it somehow made you beautiful. You turn it once again and look at your crying reflection, and you can’t help but think that maybe the effect has worn off after so many years. 

Wiping your tears, you continue to pull out items which mostly consisted of small drawings, key chains and picture frames. The last thing in the box was one of Jisung’s sweatshirts he had given to you a few days before he told you he didn’t want to be friends. You pull it out and examine it, you had worn it many times before he had given it to you but it still had his smell lingering on it. You don't know why but suddenly you’re being engulfed in his scent and your body is covered in warmth, the hoodie wrapping around you feeling so familiar it brings tears to your eyes once again.

You decide that you didn’t care if this was Jisung’s hoodie. It’s your hoodie now and you can wear it whenever you want (of course deep down you know that’s just an excuse to feel close to him once again.) 

Just as you’re about to start putting the items back in the box, you notice an envelope at the bottom of the box. You gasp gently as you pick it up, hands wrapping around the old worn out envelope, thick from all its contents. You spill them onto the floor and feel a tear drop down your cheek as you see all the different colored sticky notes splayed across your floor, all containing motivating messages and small drawings to make you smile. Jisung would give you one everyday and you would give him one in return, although you doubt he has kept his. 

Hundreds of papers that accumulated during the long years of friendship stare back at you. You cry as you read through them; some sweet, others silly and some that made your heart flutter even now. You try your best to stop your tears as wonder how all of these notes that meant the world to you, could cease so easily as if it never mattered. But then again, after the way things played out, you figure it never did.

-

Your interactions with Jisung for the rest of the week consists of nothing bit of small talk and one word responses. Until 4 days later, on Friday morning, Jisung breaks the silence after turning down the radio.

“You know, you should wait by the bleachers after school from now on.” 

His words produced a confused look on your face. The bleachers? You had just found a comfortable spot at a picnic table where there wasn’t many people that you comfortably do homework while you waited for him after school. “Why? What’s wrong with the picnic table?” 

Jisung’s grip tightens on the steering wheel as he searches his mind for a response, “It’s outside of the campus, something could happen to you.” 

Your eyes widen as you take in his words, did he just imply that he cares about you? After all these years, is the caring Jisung you knew coming back to you?

“And my mom would kill me if something happened to you.” He adds, you’re sure that if he were to have been looking at you, he would have seen you visibly deflate. You should’ve known better.

“I’ll be fine at my picnic table by myself.” You miss the perplexed look Jisung tried to conceal as you disagree with him. He rushes to search for another excuse to get you to do as he asked.

“The,” he pauses before adding quickly, “your picnic table is at the farthest point to the parking lot, i have to wait an eternity for you to get there after practice!”

You scoff at his selfishness and look out the window, “I’d rather you wait a bit than expose myself to those man eating baseball jocks.” It is a mutter, but Jisung hears every word.

“Man eating baseball jocks?”

“Yes, man eating baseball jocks. They’re all a bunch of assholes.” 

Jisung scoffs, offended. “We are not!” 

“I didn’t say you were, I said they were.” Your words seem to ease the tension in his body as he relaxes a bit in his seat before saying: 

“They’re… not that bad.” He doesn’t sound too convinced himself, his words sound forced and fake. Even then, you turn to him with a shocked look.

“Not that bad? Those guys terrorize almost everyone in our school and traumatize underclassmen.” You click your tongue, frustrated. “After everything they did and said to us, you’re telling me they’re not that bad?” 

It’s Jisung’s turn to be shocked at our sudden outburst for a few seconds before he composes himself once again, “That was back then, y/n. People change.” 

You stop yourself from reaching up as grabbing onto your hair in frustration, sitting back in the chair and looking out the window. You then say the words that would cause a longing silence for the rest of the ride to school; words that remain in Jisung’s head for the rest of the day. 

“I know that better than anyone.”

-

Jisung ponders your words for the rest of his day, absently staring at blank walls and laughing it off when his friends call for his attention. 

He knows that you have every right to be mad at him but he couldn’t help but feel knives prick at his heart as he runs the memory of you saying those bitter words that held so much weight and sadness to them. He reminisces all the times where he told you he would always be there for you, that he promised to be by your side forever, and tries to stop the stinging in his eyes. He wishes things could go back to the way they were, that he could tell you how sorry he is and you guys would be best friends again. 

As he stares at himself in the bathroom mirror, he shakes his head slightly, reminding himself that this is for the best. He tries his best to conceal his bloodshot eyes, rubbing his hands over his face and staring back into the mirror. Jisung practices his fake smile (although he’s almost a professional at it considering how much of that he’s been doing) in the mirror, and does what he always does: adjusts the new skin he has given himself and pushes old Jisung into a cage, throwing away the key. 

It’s for the best.

-

You chuckle halfheartedly at something Renjun says as you walk down the hall after school later that day. You feel a bit guilty that you’re giving your friend only a quarter of your attention but you can’t stop your mind from being preoccupied with Jisung. The guilty feeling  in your heart after your harsh words to him this morning being the only thing  on your mind when a hand wraps around your wrist, stopping you in your tracks and demanding your attention.

“Come with me.” Jisung stands towering above you, you give him a confused look, making a pathetic attempt to take your wrist out of his grip, only to have it tightened.

“Why would she want to go anywhere with you?” Renjun barks at Jisung, who sends a glare his way. 

“Because I’m her ride home, asshole. And I don’t want her sitting centuries away from the parking lot and then leave me waiting for her.” 

Renjun scoffs and moves forward only to have your free hand press against his chest, pushing him back. “Renjun, it’s okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Renjun shares an uneasy and concerned look between you and Jisung. You reply by nodding your head and smiling reassuringly, which causes him to finally cease and pull into a quick goodbye hug before walking towards the school gates.

Jisung pulls your arm, dragging you towards the bleachers where he sits you down with the calm words, “Wait here.” 

Your eye roll is a 7.1 on the Richter scale.

-

The rowdy baseball team leaves the locker room loudly, alerting you of their presence immediately. You take in a deep breath and try to make yourself as unnoticeable as possible though, you know your plan failed when a shadow is cast onto the notebook sitting in front of you. 

“Look who it is!” Over you stands, Jeno: captain of the baseball team (and mind controlling leader of all the jock minions. He is man eating baseball jock at its finest.) 

He smiles down mockingly, bringing himself closer to you. “What’s wrong princess? Cat got your tongue?” The taunt causes you to roll your eyes, moving to pack your stuff before things got bad. 

However, you figure Jeno’s plans seem to be different when he rips your backpack out of your hands and throws it on the ground next to you. He grabs your jaw harshly and forces your eyes to meet his, he speaks again, only this time, he says it lowly for only you two to hear. 

“You trying to get back in Jisung’s pants, huh? After all this time you still don’t understand that he doesn’t want you. He’s one of us now, y/n.” Jeno clicks his tongue as he pulls away and watches the emotions that inevitably settle in your eyes, no matter how much you try to conceal it. He laughs and reaches into his gym back, pulling out a water bottle and taking a short sip. He smirks and before you know it the cold liquid is being poured over your head, soaking your hair, clothes and school books. Jeno laughs once again, “You’re such a pity party, y/n.” 

Humiliated, you avert your gaze from him and meet eyes with Jisung, who watches the scene with an expression you can’t quite pinpoint, silent and making no attempts stop Jeno. Not that you expected him to. Even then, you get the same angsty feeling you get every time you realize he’s not who he used to be. 

You realize that holding in your tears is harder than you thought it would be when Jeno finally leaves, you pack your things as quickly as you possibly can and bolt out of there. Leaving a conflicted and guilty Jisung behind.

-

All that’s to be heard around you as walk home is the sounds of your small sniffles and the thud of your sneakers on the pavement below you. 

The cool autumn wind blows against your wet clothes and causes you to shiver, your body growing colder. 

Frustration and humiliation push you to walk faster as you feel the presence of a car moving slowly beside you. Jisung rolls down the window.

“Y/N! Get in the car!” 

You turn your face to him and begin walking faster, practically sprinting. Once you think he’s finally gone, you hear a car door slam shut and footsteps racing to catch up with yours. 

Jisung grabs your shoulder and spins you around to face him. “Getting home alone will only get the two of us in trouble.” 

You scoff, trying to mask your bloodshot, gloss eyes and emotional state. “Is that all you care about?” 

Jisung is quiet for a few seconds before asking, “Are you crying?” 

You freeze knowing you’ve been caught before turning and beginning to walk away, “Go away, Jisung.” 

Jisung moves to stand in front of you, and speaks in a boardline soft voice. “Just get in the car.” 

“Leave me alone.”

“I’m sorry about what happened, okay? I didn’t think they would do something like that.” 

You remain quiet, taking in his words. Jisung was never one to apologize even when you two were friends, his words shock you momentarily before you remember that this isn’t the Jisung you used to know. Maybe new Jisung says sorry without meaning it like the rest of the baseball jocks do. 

“Aren’t going to say anything?” Jisung masks his nerves over saying those words that are foreign on his tongue with impatience and indifference. 

Another breeze blows and Jisung watches in concern as you shiver, wanting nothing more than to rip the hoodie of his body and cover yours with it. 

“Take me to my house, please.” 

You figure it’s because of the unfortunate weather paired with your unfortunate situation or maybe it’s the fact that Jisung is standing before you asking for you to get in his car and saying sorry to you for the first time in his life. 

You wish it was the former.

-

As soon as the car comes to a stop, you reach for the handle to open the door to no avail. You turn confusedly to Jisung who sits in the driver's seat looking forward hand sitting on the control where the locks of the car are. 

“What are you doing? Open the door.” 

Jisung shakes his head and looks your way, “You never accepted my apology.” His eyes hold something truly desperate and troubled, you are shocked once again at the emotion you see in the boy who has been cold as ice to you for the last two years. 

Still, you recall the events that took place earlier that day and find yourself feeling bitter. “Was I supposed to?” 

“Yes!” Jisung looks at you wide eyed and offended, thinking you would know him enough to know how much those words meant to him.

“You don’t get to decide that, Jisung.” 

He scoffs, trying to mask his insecurities and guilt with frustration. “It wasn’t even that big of a deal.”

You let out your own scoff and turn in his direction, your glassy eyes causing Jisung’s stance to deflate slightly. “It was to me! I was so humiliated by those jerks and all you did was sit there and watch! You probably tricked me into going there in the first place, you... set me up. I should've known something like this would happen.” 

Jisung feels the cracks in his heart deepen as he takes in your words, the way you view him now evident. Even then, he tries miserably to defend himself. “I would never do that, I’m.. I’m not that cruel.” 

“I didn’t think so either Jisung. Not today and not four years ago when you left me to be one of those man eating, toilet licking jocks!” You look him straight in the eyes with your tear filled ones, “But you said it yourself: people change. And I don’t know who you are anymore.” 

The cracks go further down until they’ve snapped off completely, splitting Jisung’s heart in two and letting the pieces sink down his chest, pass his lungs to his stomach where he thinks it will remain for the rest of his life.

You, on the other hand, can feel nothing but the fear and embarrassment of having shared too much. Your hands move on their own as you attempt once again to open the door. 

“Y/N I-“

“Open the door, please.” This time, he does. No words filling the air as you rapidly gather your things and basically run into your house leaving Jisung alone in his car. 

Poor Jisung looks down at his poor hands, clenching and opening them to feel like he has control over something in his life. 

He’s not who he wants to be. He wants to be able to outwardly fanboy about video games and baseball to you like he used to. He wants you to call him stupid but still show interest to whatever nonsense comes from his mouth; he wants you.

His new skin has never fit this badly before.

Why the fuck is high school so hard?

-

When Monday morning comes around, Jisung holds his sweaty hands against the steering wheel of his car, waiting in front of your house. You’re late, (23 minutes to be exact; not that he’s counting) the fact making Jisung think that maybe Friday was the last straw for you, and that you were done trying to tolerate Jisung even for your mom’s sake. 

Even though he knows you have every reason to hate him, the mere thought makes it harder for him to breathe.

Deep in thought, Jisung doesn’t notice the figure walking towards the passenger side of his car until there is a knock on the window that causes him to jump. 

Jisung calms down upon seeing your mother at the window, an amused/slightly concerned look adorning her face. 

“Honey, I’m sorry for scaring you! I thought you saw me coming!” She chuckles out the last words and all Jisung can do is laugh nervously in response. “Anyway, Y/N isn’t going to school today, she has been sick all weekend. I think she got caught some rain on Friday and has a cold, she’ll be better soon I’m sure.” Your mother stops her rant to send an apologetic look Jisung’s way, “I’m sorry you had to wait, I told her to let you know so this wouldn’t happen, I guess she didn’t.”

Jisung shakes his head, “It’s okay, ma’am. I hope she feels better soon.” 

She gives Jisung a motherly smile that he has missed so much. He remembers all the days he would spend at your house and how your family basically became his own, all the times she would give him that smile before ruffling his hair. Jisung feels his eyes glass over and looks away. Your mother seems to notice and says in an affectionate, motherly tone: “Honey, everything is going to work out in the end.” 

Jisung sniffles as he lets tears freely fall down his cheeks, “I don’t know what to do.” 

She just smiles and leans further into the car, just enough to be able to reach out and wipe the tears from his cheeks. The familiar motherly gesture from her making him feel a little at ease for the first time in 4 years. 

“What do you want to do?”

What does he want? 

He wants to play baseball, he wants people to like him, he wants to be captain of the team one day, he wants to be the Park Jisung everyone loved and wanted to be. 

But… he also wants to be able to be the Park Jisung he used to be, who would obsess over video games and hang out at your house more than his own, who had you as a best friend and didn’t have to go to school worrying about his reputation

-

Now pacing a few feet from your front door, left hand holding a bag carrying your favorite soup and right hand rubbing nervously at his jeans, trying to get the sweat off of them, Jisung thinks that maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. 

What if your favorite soup changed?

What if your dog doesn’t like him anymore?

What if you don’t want to see him and tell him to get out? 

What if- 

“Jisung?” 

He nearly gets whiplash from how fast he turns to face your father who stands at the doorway smiling. “Long time since you’ve been here, what’s up?” 

Jisung laughs nervously, “Yeah, it’s  been a while…” He pauses, unsure on whether to ask for you or not. 

Then he realizes, just like your mother, your father was a second father figure to Jisung all throughout his childhood, he sees right through him and smiles knowingly. “She’s in her room.”

-

Your house hasn’t changed one bit since he stopped coming over. The same beige carpeted floors and the same pictures of the walls, even some of the two of you together as kids. 

He hears thudding on the floor and suddenly he’s being knocked over by a giant ball of fur that licks his face and excitedly wags its tail. Jisung feels some weight lift of his shoulders as he pets the dog, “I missed you too, Jojo.”

It’s strange how everything can be exactly the same but at the same time totally different. How everything between you two turned cold and these walls and this home were just waiting for him to get some sense knocked into him and come back finally. 

Maybe the walls weren’t the only ones waiting. 

-

After knocking on your door for several minutes with no response, Jisung decides to open the door a crack, just enough for him to be able to look inside and see you fast asleep. He ponders over what to do at your doorway, nervously looking at you from the door frame. 

After considering his options, he opts for just leaving the soup on your desk and leaving quickly, hoping your father tells you he stopped by. However, as he sets the bag on your desk something draped over your desk chair catches his eye. 

His sweatshirt.

Jisung reaches for it hesitantly, hand shaking for a reason he can’t pinpoint. His fingers meet the soft material of it’s fabric and he feels himself remembering all the times he had seen you the sweatshirt whenever you stayed over at his house. He recalls the night he walked dolefully to your house with the sweatshirt in his hands, on his way to cut things off with you. At the memory, he immediately reaches into the pocket, letting his hands search through it until it comes in contact with something.

It’s still there.

He wonders if you haven’t read it, or if you did and stuffed it back in the pocket and pretended you hadn’t, choosing not to dwell on the boy who left you.

He also wonders if you wear it, if you ever think about him when you have it on.

 If you get sad or if it’s warmth reminds you of the good times you spent together. Jisung grips the material in his fingers and brings it up to his chest. Eyes closed, he presses the sweatshirt close to his body. 

It smells like you. But it also smells faintly of him. Jisung smiles as breathes in the mixture of scents that brings back good memories. 

He can’t believe this sweatshirt as managed to keep the two of you together as he tore you apart. His want to fix things with you grows stronger and stronger as he stands in your room, gripping onto his sweatshirt.

Jisung hears a gasp and his eyes snap in your direction, your previously laying figure sits straight up on your bed with a frightened face, your hand over your heart. He freezes, unsure of what to do. 

On the other hand, your body relaxes slightly as you realize that it’s just Jisung and not a crazy axe murderer, although you can’t even imagine why he would be in your room right now. 

“Jisung?” The boy flinches as you say his name, before dropping the item he had previously in his hands onto the floor. You direct your vision to it and see his -your- sweatshirt which makes your confusion grow further. “What are you doing in here?” 

Jisung can’t help but look at your window like he wants to jump out of it. This was definitely not how it was supposed to go. “I- uh well uh your mom told me that you were sick and I thought that maybe you- wanted something to eat? I don’t know. So like I stopped by to bring you this soup. You don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to I just figured since you were sick and stuff you know… maybe you would want some… soup.” He finishes off his rant by pointing to your desk where he had set the bag earlier. 

You almost laugh at how awkward he’s being, though your confusion outweighs every other emotion. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did you bring me this soup? Why are you in my room right now?” Your defenses start to come up as you realize how personal the situation is. 

Jisung is standing in your room for the first time in 4 years, he was holding the hoodie that used to belong to him and he brought you soup from the place you two used to go as children. 

Does he suddenly want to remember? Is this him trying to get back what he gave away?

“I just -“ He sighs, averting his gaze from you to the ground. “Look, I know what I did is terrible and that… you probably hate my guts after what happened… but I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry about everything that has happened between us, including Friday, I just… wanted you to be able to see you and know that you were safe. Not for my mom but for me. I’m sorry for not defending you when the guys did that to you. I let my fear get the best of me like I always do.” He pauses to take a deep breath, simultaneously looking up finally to meet your eyes, you feel your heart contract at the sight of his red, tear filled eyes. “And I’ve been using my moms wishes as an excuse to be with you after so many years but it’s time you finally knew that truth, and it’s that I miss you and it’s sad but spending this week with you has made me feel more than I’ve felt in the past 4 years,” he hiccups as he speaks, “and I know that you probably don’t want anything to do with me and I get that. I really do but no one knows me like you do. No one. And you know I wouldn’t say this if I didn’t mean it but I’ll say it again and again and again…” A tear falls from the corner of his eye. “I’m sorry, y/n.”. 

You feel like you’ve been punched but also kissed and hugged tight after Jisung ends his emotional rant. 

His words cause a division in your heart and mind over what to make of them. 

Your mind says that this will end up like the last time, you’ll buy into all his fake promises and tears and fall for him all over again, only for him to leave you to pick yourself up after he decides he’s had enough of you.

However, your heart gives voice to the fact that this Jisung is strikingly similar to the Jisung you knew once upon a time. He is nothing like the Jisung you’ve seen for the last 4 years who is cold and mean; he is vulnerable and soft spoken, this Jisung just poured his heart out to you and is now standing with his arms wrapped around himself, awaiting your reply.

“Jisung, I-“ you stop yourself and try to choose words carefully while your heart and mind have a heated debate. “I think it’s best if you go.”

The way Jisung curls even further into himself makes your heart hurt, screaming even louder to let her opinion be heard. Fresh tears gather in his eyes that he immediately blinks away, nodding slowly. “I understand.” 

“I’m sorry, I just don’t know what to make of all this.” You try your best to not make him feel too horrible while simultaneously protecting yourself. 

His broken voice comes stuttering out, thick and sad, “Don’t be sorry, please.” 

He spares one last look your way before disappearing through your bedroom door. You hear his quick footsteps as he practically runs out of your house, leaving you alone with your conflicting thoughts and cold soup.

-

The energy of the events that took place in your room earlier seemed to still be circling around the room, bouncing off the walls and onto you. Sad and conflicting thoughts running through your head 100mph, leaving you restlessly tossing and turning in your bed later that night.

You sigh as you stare up at the ceiling, finally giving into the thoughts that have kept you awake. 

What did this mean to Jisung? 

What tables turned in his mind that caused the stone cold boy to come into your room (while you slept) with an order of your favorite soup to break down in front of you and go on a rant about how sorry he is?

And if he’s so sorry, why did he do it in the first place?

What changed from Friday to now?

Just when everything was getting better, why did Jisung have to come back into your life and make it complicated for you?

Should you forgive him? 

There’s a chance you could get your best friend back… but there’s also a chance he might break your heart again. 

You shove your blankets to the floor in frustration, rising off your bed and waking across the room to your light switch. However, on your decent, you step on something soft, only to realize that it’s the sweatshirt Jisung had been holding with tears in his eyes just hours ago. 

A sudden confusion washes over you for a different reason, why had Jisung been inspecting the sweatshirt in the first place? You curiously begin to reach into the pockets, immediately feeling the texture of paper on your hand. 

Your eyes widen as you pull it out, dropping the sweatshirt back onto the floor. The slip of paper is nearly folded and worn out at the edges, like it had been that way for a long time. Once unfolded, these slightly blurred words stared back at you: 

‘My y/n, please understand and please keep me as your favorite boy after this. I’m so sorry. When it’s time, please forgive me -Jisung’

You don’t notice that your eyes fill with tears until they’re dropping onto the small paper below you. 

Friday hadn't been the first time he said sorry to you, it was in this little slip of paper years ago.

You were sure he had put the paper in there knowing you probably wouldn’t find it, because there is no way you would’ve let him leave you if you heard those words then. There was no way you would let go of him.

There is no way.

-

Jisung seems shocked when you knock on the window of his car the next morning.

He had been waiting in front of your house, only 25% expecting you to actually ride to school with after what happened yesterday. Just as he was about to give up and begin his journey to school you present yourself before him with a familiar sweatshirt draped over your figure. 

He’s speechless as you get into the car and settle into your seat, only opting to talk a few minutes later. 

“What does this mean for us?”

He’s hopeful. God, he wishes he wasn’t this hopeful. 

You smile slightly, “I read your note… and I went through some of the letters you gave me a long time ago and some of our other stuff. And… I decided that if you’re really sorry, and if this isn’t some kind of sick prank… then maybe we can be friends again.”

Jisung tries to bite back his wide smile as you finish your sentence, but fails when a giggle leaves his mouth. He’s so so happy. This is the happiest he’s ever been.

You can’t help but smile as well, watching how giddy Jisung got, “What is it?”

Jisung gives you a close lipped smile and shakes his head slightly although, there is still a big smile waiting to break free. He remains that way while he puts the car in drive and pulls out of your street and onto the main road, where he suddenly says: “Does this mean I’m still your favorite boy?” 

Now it’s your turn to hold back a smile, “Maybe.” 

This time, Jisung lets him smile free, allowing you a view of his pretty, gummy smile and crescent moon eyes. He drums his fingers on the steering wheel and smiles all the way to school. 

-

Things at school remain the same after that. 

You two pass each other in the halls as if you were strangers, which, you admit, does leave a slight sting in your heart. However, that sting is overshadowed by how much things have changed between you and Jisung outside of school. 

No longer is the air thick or is there a silence that falls over you two as soon as you get in his car every morning. And no longer do you race out of his car as soon as he parks it in front of your house. Now, the atmosphere in the car is full with playful banter and laughs (with the occasional snorts.) 

It’s a light feeling; like you’ve put the last 3 years of your life behind you and have defied gravity and are currently floating multiple feet in the air, Jisung’s laughter and playful words surrounding you entirely. 

Even though things aren’t how they used to be, in some way, they are better. The new Jisung and the new Y/N get along surprisingly well despite what you may have thought. 

Especially at times like these, when Jisung hops into his car excitedly, animedtaly telling you to strap in quickly. 

“Where are we going?” You ask, though you’re smiling and slowly fasten your seatbelt. Jisung’s hands comes to rest on the back of your seat and he drives the car in reverse and out of its parking spot.

“You and I are going to Billy’s.” His gaze shifts to you briefly, before focusing back on the road, still smiling. He misses the way your eyes widen and your whole face brightens.

“I haven’t been there in a while.” You say, the driving boy nods in understanding.

“Me neither,” he progressively breaks his car until it comes to a stop at a red light. He takes this chance to look over at you and smiles softly, “We can go back together.”

-

Once you get to the ice cream shop, Jisung leads you to a table inside. “Wait here. I’ll go order.” You watch as approaches the counter, smiling brightly at the cashier, who greets him enthusiastically. Exclaiming for the whole shop to hear.

“Jisung! You’re finally back, man! It’s been ages!” You recognise the voice as that of Jaehyun, who had been a new worker when you and Jisung were regulars here. You’re shocked that he even remembers him. “Where have you been? Where’s your girl?”

Jisung’s face flushes, he clears his throat, “My girl?” 

“Yeah! What was her name again…” There is a pause in his sentence before he snaps his fingers, finally remembering. “Y/N!” 

Even though you knew what was coming, you still startle at the sound of your name; you anxiously await Jisung’s reply which comes a bit later, “She’s right over there.” He points to you and you immediately look away, pretending you weren’t listening. Jaehyun looks at you in shock before turning back to Jisung.

“It’s difficult to keep a girlfriend for that long in high school, I’m glad to see you guys together.” 

Jisung looks over at you once again except this time, you don’t look away. A soft smile rests on Jisung’s face. 

“Yeah, me too.”

-

“So I’m your girl?” 

You and Jisung are on your way home now with ice cream filled bellies after sitting in the shop and talking for 2 hours. You were wondering if you should address his interaction with Jaehyun the whole time, afraid that you would be overstepping. However, once the words leave your mouth, his cheeks flush a deep shade of red; darker than the one at the shop and enough to make your heart flutter but also swell with pride.

“Well, he said that.. And you know, I didn’t want to correct him or make him feel embarrassed or anything so I just went along with it. But if you mind, next time we-”

“I don’t.”

“Huh?”

“I don’t mind.” You’re feeling especially brave today, wanting so desperately to keep that blush on his face. 

Jisung looks over at you for a split second with a bewildered look on his face, coughing a bit, he answers in the most stable voice he muster, “okay.”

His answer is a calm and collected one, but his insides are all jumbled up and going crazy, the butterflies in his stomach reeking havoc.

-

3 days later, you sat at your desk with a thick textbook sat in front of you, you had been tentatively reading the pages for about two hours now, trying to cram as much information as you could for your test tomorrow when you are suddenly startled by a ‘ding!’ coming from from your phone. You smile as you see the message gracing the screen. 

jisung park [10:38pm]: hey :) 

jisung park [10:38pm]: you still up?

y/n [10:40pm]: yeah, studying

y/n [10:41pm]: what are you doing up?

jisung park [10:43pm]: i was about to go to sleep, then i saw your light on. decided to text you.

jisung park [10:45pm]: just wanted to check on you

Your heart speeds up and you allow yourself to smile widely, you begin to type a reply but halt as soon as you see the three dots appear on your screen indicating the Jisung is typing.

jisung park [10:47pm]: don’t overwork yourself 

jisung park [10:48pm]: wait i have an idea

Suddenly your phone is ringing, Jisung’s contact flashing on the screen only briefly as you answer, “Hello?” 

“Come to your window.” You can hear the excitement and enthusiasm through the phone and walk to your window, seeing the boy sitting by his own  window, curtains pulled back to show his smiling face which becomes brighter the moment he spots your face through the glass. When he speaks his lips move before his voice reaches your ears, but the lag is only a slight one.

“Now its like we’re hanging out, isn’t that cool?” 

You chuckle at the purity of this action and the shyness that drips off his words, “Yeah, how come we didn’t think of this before?”

“I don’t know. I guess i’m just a genius.” He laughs when you laugh at his joke.

The next few hours are spent talking about absolutely everything under the sun, school, friends, a new video game Jisung is obsessed with and the fact that the ice cream at Billy’s tasted better now that you guys went together again. 

Its nearing 1am when you finally look at the time, gasping. “Jisung, its almost 1.”

“Is it?” Jisung brings his phone away from him ear, looking down at it. His eyes widen when he spots the time, “wow, it is.” 

He brings the phone back up to his ear before looking at you, neither of you says anything, only staring at each other and listening to one another’s breathing through the phone. You can’t help but suddenly feel giddy, biting your lip slightly before chuckling, Jisung’s own chuckle following. 

“We should probably go to bed…” You watch as Jisung leans forward resting his forehead on the window sill, sighing.

“Yeah.”

When he makes no effort to move, you laugh and says in a sing-song voice: “Goodnight, Jisung.” 

He smiles warm heartedly before letting his soft voice transmit the words, “Goodnight, y/n.” Before you both hang up, he adds, “You turn off your light first.” 

You do as he says and he bids you farewell before the line goes dead, you stare happily at your ceiling while giggling and smiling to yourself. And in the house across from yours, Jisung is no different, hugging his pillow close and trying to contain his giddy noises. 

You both dream of each other that night. 

-

You knew Jisung was cute, but you didn’t know he was this cute. 

The realization comes 3 mornings after that night, the moment you step into Jisung car to go to school. He immediately shoved his phone in your face. You grow soft as you see the sight on his screen. 

“I made us a playlist!” He says enthusiastically, “so we don’t have to listen to shitty radio every morning.” 

The playlist was titled ‘y/n and jisung’s epic morning time playlist :D’, and it featured songs from all of your favorite artists. 

“I put songs in it I thought you would like, or that made me think of you.” He pauses, his cheeks flushing as he recalls his last words. “A-and some songs that I like too.” He tries desperately to play it cool but ultimately fails. However, you think this is the cutest thing you’ve ever seen. 

“That’s really sweet, Jisung. Let’s give it a listen.” 

Neither of you talk for the rest of the drive to school, choosing to listen to Jisung’s playlist. Which is the only thing heard aside from the occasional hum or drum of Jisung’s fingers on the steering wheel.

-

Once you arrive, Jisung stops you from leaving by grabbing your hand. You turn around to see what’s wrong and sees the blushing face of Jisung who is currently avoiding your eyes. 

“There’s a game today after school… do you maybe… wanna come? I mean, I know you never really go to these games but I thought maybe since we’re like friends now you might wanna come.” He rambles and you try your best to keep a straight face. 

You watch him become nervous at your stoic expression before chuckling, as soon he looks up at you and sees you smiling face he relaxes. “Of course I’ll go, Jisung.”

“Really?” You nod, his smile grows and he’s suddenly leaning over the center console and kissing your cheek lightly, deeming it your turn to blush. 

Jisung smiles smugly as he steps out of his car and walks towards the gates of the school, a pep in his step as he approaches the rest of the baseball team.

-

When you were making your way to the baseball field, you found yourself thinking that maybe coming here wasn’t the best idea. Considering how things went last time you were there and the fact that you and Jisung’s aren’t supposed to know each other in school. 

But now… you couldn't be more glad you came. Not when Jisung is tearing it up on the field, running at the speed of light towards each base, you can practically see the passion and determination to become victorious that takes control of his body and plays vigorously. 

He stands at the 3rd base, sweat dripping down his face, making way down his neck and pooling on the collar of his white uniform. His eyes are watching the player that’s about to bat. Slowly, he crouches slightly, putting his body in a position to run. And immediately after the sound of the ball hitting the metal bat rings through your ears he’s taking off at the speed of light towards home base, easily making it and leaving the opposing team’s players to huff frustratedly in the cloud of dirt that was left behind him. Jisung smiles smugly as everyone starts cheering for his home run. He knew they would never be able to catch him, not even in their dreams. 

It’s kind of hot.

As he walks towards the dugout, his eyes trail over the expanse of the bleachers, searching. You allow yourself to hope that he’s searching for you just this once and wave your hand slightly as his eyes meet yours. His narrowed eyes fully open and a smile graces his pretty face as he raises his hand to wave back before quickly looking away and walking into the dugout, the smile you had caused remaining on his lips.

-

Jisung is staring at his reflection in the locker room mirror, ruffling his hair repeatedly, trying to get the perfect visual for you, when he feels a hand clap down on his shoulder. He recognizes it as Jeno almost immediately, he tenses up. “There’s party at Jessica’s house tonight, post game celebration, you coming?”

Jisung maps out all the different ways to say no and not get questioned. Looking back on it, maybe the one he went with wasn’t the best idea. 

“I have... diarrhea.” 

Jeno steps back, confused. “Diarrhea? You were just on the field!”

Oh shit oh shit oh shit, “It was one of those sudden ones, you know? Kinda snuck up on me.” He tries to laugh it off, but feels himself cringing. “Wh-”

“Its really bad so i gotta get home as soon as possible or im just going to shit… everywhere. So i gotta go,” he begins to make his descent to the entrance of the locker room, grabbing his gym back quickly before Jeno can question him further. “Bye!” he quickly slips out the door, leaving a suspicious Jeno in his wake.

-

“You told him that?” You say through your laughs, hand falling over mouth as you snort loudly at Jisung’s red face and embarrassed smile. 

“I had no other choice! It was either that or get interrogated by Jeno for another hour.” Jisung can’t stop his own chuckle as he glances over momentarily to see hunched over, laughing loudly. He tries to conceal his laughter but eventually lets it out, “It is kind of funny…”

“Its hilarious!” Another snort leaves you and Jisung finally bursts out into loud laughter with you.

Your laughing fit lasts another few minutes and ends with the sound of your phone ringing. Your mother’s contact illuminates the screen, with laughter still evident on your voice you answer the call. “Hello?” 

“Hi honey, how was the game?” 

“It was good, we’re on our way home now.” 

“Good, well, your father and I decided to go out tonight, you know… like on a little date.” You find it endearing that you’re mother still becomes flustered when talking about your dad as if they started dating yesterday. “So that means you’ll have the house all to yourself, is that okay?” 

Your eyes travel to Jisung, an idea comes to your mind. “Yeah, mom. You guys have fun.” She laughs lightly on the other line saying she’ll make sure to before hanging up the phone.

As soon as you put your phone down, Jisung glances at you briefly before looking back at the road. “Was that your mom?” You hum in response. 

“She told me her and my dad were going on a date,” He chuckles, “that means I’ll be alone tonight...” Jisung nods slowly, not getting the point. You sigh, wondering whether you should even bring it up or not. When you think about it, the thought of you and Jisung alone at your house was oddly… suggestive. Even though those weren’t your intentions at all, the possibility of Jisung thinking that you wanted to get with him made you nervous. 

However, it seems Jisung had the same ideas as you because he’s suddenly taking a deep breath nervously drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. “You know if you don’t wanna be alone… we could hang out?”

You can tell he’s unsure and nervous and the fact makes you feel somewhat better. “You can come over to my house, it will just be us though, is that okay?” 

Jisung turns red which causes you to also turn that shade of crimson but even then, he nods. “Yeah, that’s okay.” 

Neither of you talk the rest of the way home, but the silence that surrounds you is comfortable, only serving to give your erratically beating hearts a break. 

-

“Jojo!” 

Your dog’s ears perk up as soon as she hears Jisung’s voice, quickly standing up to run at full speed past you towards the boy. Who crouches down and lets the dog lick his face excitedly, all while wagging its tail wildly. 

“Jojo! What about me?” 

Jisung laughs when Jojo completely ignores you to shower him with love. On the outside, you pout playfully at him but on the inside, your heart is doing somersaults at how cute the sight in front of you is. ...Also the way Jisung falls right back into his place of puzzle that is your life so perfectly it’s like he was never gone. He looks so at home in your house even if he has grown about 2 feet taller and gotten more mature throughout the years. He’s still the same piece that your puzzle has been missing to be complete. 

He’s still the same.

Jisung notices that you’re deep in thought and walks towards you, also noticing how you smiled slightly. “Is something wrong?” 

You shake your head quickly, smiling. It’s the kind of smile that never fails to make Jisung smile. 

“Nothing at all.”

-

4 movies, a 2 hour long conversation and 3 tickle fights later, you and Jisung are hungry. 

So you find yourselves in the kitchen, scavenging like racoons for anything you can find in the seemingly empty kitchen. 

After 5 minutes of searching and moping and whining from Jisung about how he’s to die if he doesn’t eat right now, you open a cupboard to see what might’ve been the equivalent to gold for you two at this point. 

Ramen. 

Only problem was: it was on the very top shelf and way out of your arms reach. Still, you try and reach the packets of noodles searching your arm to painful heights with small grunts and frustrated groans leaving you every now and then. They are immediately halted by the feeling of a body against your back, towering over you and reaching above for the ramen packets, whipping them off the shelf with ease. 

Jisung’s scent is surrounding you and overwhelming all your senses. When he doesn’t move away, you turn around to face him. You are so close you can feel his breath on your face and you can count every single one of his eyelashes. “Why didn’t you do that sooner?” You attempt to make the situation playful, but your low voice fails you. Jisung smiles slightly down at you before shrugging, “I wanted to watch you struggle for a bit.” His chuckles and flinches at you poke his side with your finger. His face settles into a soft smile as he looks down at you and you can feel yourself blushing. 

Jisung walks closer and closer to you until your fully pressed against the counter, never taking his gaze off you. “What is it?” You question, flustered. 

Suddenly, he raises his hands to cup the sides of your face and leans down to press a lingering kiss on your forehead before pulling away completely, turning to the stove and setting up the pot like nothing happened. 

You watch incredulously as the boy calmly rips open the ramen packaging, setting the water to boil. 

“What was that for?” You question the back of Jisung’s head, his neck is beet red as he shrugs his shoulders. 

“I couldn’t…” He hesitates, before turning around slowly, his eyes are staring at the ground, avoiding your own, “I couldn’t let that moment of courage pass. I’ve always wanted to do that and I was afraid if I didn't do it then, I wouldn't do it ever.”

Forget somersaults, your heart is doing full on acrobatics. 

Jisung looks up when you don’t reply, only to see you staring at him. He becomes increasingly more nervous under your gaze, that is until you find your words finally. 

“I was thinking earlier about how crazy it is.”

“What?” 

“You being in my house and looking like you never even left, how something’s really didn’t change…” you take small steps towards the tall boy, trapping him in between your body and the counter, as he had done to you earlier. “Yet others did.”

The words would’ve sounded bittersweet in any other context, but in that moment, Jisung understood exactly what you meant. He brings his hands up to cup your face once again, but instead of moving to kiss your forehead, he leans down further. 

Jisung’s breath fans on your face and his hands move further into your hair, lacing through it as you two come closer. You can practically feel his lips on yours, his-

“Y/N?” 

The two of you shoot apart quickly at the sound of your mother’s voice, Jisung turns to the stove where the ramen was currently boiling and you turn towards the counter and act busy with your phone. 

That’s how you are when your parents walk into the room, shocked to see Jisung there with you. “Honey, you didn’t tell me Jisung was staying over tonight.”

“Yeah, I forgot, sorry.” You say, your eyes stilling training on the counter top, your mom seems to notice the tension in the air when she asks, “ did something happen while we were gone?” 

You dare to look at Jisung, only to see the blushing boy already looking at you. He gives you a soft, knowing smile and you return it. Turning to your mother, you say, “Nope.”

Which ultimately translates to ‘definitely’.

-

Neither of you bring up the almost kiss you guys shared that night, but boy… did you think about it. While laying in bed, at baseball practice, during the morning car rides when you guys acted like you hadn’t basically confessed to each other just a few days ago.

It was the only thing on Jisung’s mind for the next few weeks, and he knew you were thinking about him too. From the way you would glance at him whenever you thought he wasn’t looking, to the silence that fell whenever you were deep in thought. 

Even though your thought revolves around Jisung, the are much different than the ones in his head. While Jisung was thinking about how you made his life brighter once again, yours were filled with an overwhelming amount of questions. 

What does this mean for the two of you?

Are you two going to date?

And if you do, will Jisung even allow you two to be seen out together? 

Will you be able to be Jisung’s girlfriend, out in the open? 

You remembered every time he had passed by you in the halls, as if you two hadn’t stayed up talking for hours the night before. As if you didn’t know each other. The thought of Jisung keeping you hidden from everyone forever scared you to no end. 

Although you knew that you were in for this when you decided to give Jisung your trust once again, you wondered how long you could handle being hidden, and if it really affected Jisung as much as it did you. 

You try desperately to settle your racing mind by telling yourself that you should just enjoy being with him for the time being, to appreciate the present instead of worrying about the future. 

So you don’t worry when Jisung pushes past you in the halls with the rest of the baseball team and you don’t worry when Jisung trails behind you as walk down the sidewalk when he sees someone from school and you also don’t worry when Jisung tells you to just wait a bit longer.

But you should’ve been worrying. 

You should’ve been worrying a lot.

-

A week later, Jisung tells you to come down to the locker rooms and wait for him there since practice was going to drag on a little longer than usual. 

You do as he says and walk down towards the gym, a pep in your step at the thought of seeing the boy you haven’t had a moment with all day. You movements are halted suddenly as you hear the echo of Jeno’s voice through as you wait by the door of the locker room. Jisung’s familiar voice reaches your ears as well but you can’t really make out what he’s saying. Out of curiosity, you lean closer to the door. 

You hear Jeno’s voice first.

“-That chick has been hanging around you a lot, recently. Are you guys a thing or something?” 

You were aware you were ‘that chick’

Jisung freezes. “ What chick?” 

“Y/N.” 

You tense at the mention of your name, growing nervous at of the things they would say. “Oh…” you hear Jisung say, “Well, I already told you, my parents make me drive her to school.”

“But that doesn’t explain why you guys are always together, I see you after school at Billy’s, you know.” Jeno questions him with no mercy, causing Jisung to grow more and more nervous, racking his mind for any words to get himself out of the situation. “You know I would never date her, man.” He pauses, “I left her for a reason, my mom would kill me if I left her alone every day, she barely has any friends.” 

You feel like you’ve been stepped on by Jisung’s shoe that he keeps twisting and stomping with you under until you’re nothing but dust scattered across the gym floor. “Good, cause that would be embarrassing, dude.”

“Yeah, totally, she’s nobody to me.” Replies Jisung. 

Nobody to him runs towards the door gym entrance and keeps running until she reaches the school gates, desperate to get away from the boy who has successfully, once again, broken her heart.

-

The continuous vibrations of your phone cause a frustrated groan to come out of your body. You reach angrily into your bag and pull it out seeing the contact you had expected to see: Jisung. There’s plenty of texts from him too, asking where you were and telling you that you should probably go home since it’s late. You shut down your phone and shove it back in your bag, taking a deep breath before continuing your walk, despite the heaviness of your feet and the want to just lie on the ground and cry. 

Why did he have to fuck everything up? Just when everything was so perfect? Just when things were getting back to normal, and you two shared the same heart you did 4 years ago, why did Jisung have to remind you of the harsh reality that he cares more about his stupid reputation than your feelings? Why was he such a coward?

So many thoughts run through your head that you don’t notice a car pulling up next to you until you hear a voice shout out: “There you are, I figured you left ‘cause I took too long at practice, hop in.” He unlocks his car and looks at you expectedly. 

You ignore his words and keep walking forward, a new found determination to get away from Jisung and into the comfort of your room, where you can hide under your covers and never come out again. You hear his voice but are to focused on getting away from him to comprehend any of the words leaving him mouth.

That is, until he’s standing directly in front of you. “What’s up with you? Did something happen at school today?” Once he catches sight of your eyes, his widen in concern, hands immediately reaching up to grab your shoulders. “What’s wrong?” 

You push his hands off your shoulders bitterly, “You don’t have to worry about waiting for me tomorrow morning or any day after that, I’m walking myself to school from now on.”

Jisung’s face contorts in panic and confusion at your words. “Woah, what?” 

You make an attempt to walk past him, only for his hand to wrap around your wrist. You meet his desperate eyes with your own, “Y/N, just tell me what happened and… I’ll fix it, okay? Just tell what’s wrong.” 

Your lip quivers as you stare at the boy across you. “I heard you, Jisung.” 

“What?”

“When you were talking to Jeno earlier in the locker room, when you said I was nobody to you. I heard you.” 

Jisung freezes and you watch as the confusion on his face is replaced with realization, and fear. His chest dips more as his breathing grows deeper. “Please…”

You yank your wrist out of his hand which remains suspended in the air between you in shock. “Please? Please what? Forgive you? Why did you say that, Jisung?” You run your hands through your hair in frustration before feeling your shoulders deflate. “I thought that maybe we had something… or that you liked me or whatever but I guess not-“

“I do like you. I do, but it’s… not that simple.” He avoids your eyes like the plague now. 

“Why? Why is it not that simple?”

He breathes in deeply before carefully replying, “You know how it was back then… with the baseball team and the bullying. I don’t want to do that again, I’m… I’m sorry.”

He’s trying to tell that you bring him down. You bring your hands over your eyes to conceal the tears in them and turn away from the guilty boy. “Just let me go home.”

He grabs onto you once again and desperately pulls you against him, hugging you close to his body. “No. Please, I don’t want our friendship to end again. What we have right now is good, let’s just get in the car and we can go to Billy’s and I’ll buy you a milkshake and-“

You shove Jisung away from you and look him directly in his eyes that are filled with regret and fear. “I don’t want to get milkshakes with you! What we have isn’t good! I’m your secret! I’m like a guilty pleasure of yours and I don’t deserve that, Jisung.” Your lip quivers once again as Jisung nods at your words, hands reaching to grab your shoulders. 

“I know that, it’s true. You don’t deserve anything I’ve put you through but please, don’t leave me, I’ll do anything.”

Your sadness is masked by a sudden surge of anger. Want to hurt him the same way he hurt you takes over you as you push his hands off you roughly. “There’s nothing you can do. You wanna know why? Because you’re a coward Jisung. And you have to realize that all your problems would be fixed if you would just grow a pair!” You breathe deeply as you watch Jisung’s face scrunch up at your words. “And this time, it’s me leaving you and it hurts, doesn’t it?”

Jisung watches in silence as you turn and walk around the block,out of his line of vision. 

-

Once the door of your room slams behind you, you lock the door to prevent any questioning from your mother and immediately hide your body under the covers. 

The sound of your soft sobbing flow travel through the space of your dark room. You take this time to let your brain tell your heart “I told you so!” And reprimand it for even thinking that things with Jisung would be any different because he brought you fucking soup. 

You were so naive to even hope that he would give up his stupid reputation for you. That he would’ve said anything else to Jeno that day. That you thought he liked you enough to be able to put you first.

God you were so stupid and naive. 

The frustration and sadness you felt was none like any other, you wanted nothing more than to rip every single one of your hairs and never leave your room again. 

The only source of light into the room is your window, you frustratedly get up, throwing the covers off of you angrily and march towards the window. Once you reach it you catch a glance of Jisung sitting by his own bedroom window, leaning against the frame and looking outwards your house sadly. He perks up when he sees you at your window, he is hopeful. You falter but then remember what just earlier that day and make direct eye contact with him as you let the blinds fall over the window, plunging your room into complete darkness.

Never again.

-

The spot on the bleachers where you sat last time is empty, causing an angsty feeling to rise in Jisung’s chest. The kind he’s been getting a lot recently when he sees you leaving your house every morning without him, and type he gets when he sees you in the halls laughing with your friends, knowing that could’ve been him if he hadn’t been such a pussy.

The rowdy boys around him yell and stretch, prepping for the game ahead. However, Jisung can’t find it in himself to even move, staring at the dirt below his sneakers and ignoring anyone who tries to start a conversation ; his teammates’ confused stares going unnoticed by him. 

As he stares at his feet, he catches sight off the worn down marker ink that you had drawn under his shoe, which you had written a few days before he joined the team, before he walked out of your life. You had been just as excited as him (maybe even a bit more) when he told you he was trying out for the team. He told you to write something that would give him strength on the field; you enthusiastically grabbed a marker and write on the side of his shoe: 

“You’re going to do great today! You’re my favorite boy! <3”

He moves his foot to get a better view of it. A faint smile dusts on Jisung’s face, before immediately disappearing when he remembers what he did and that those days were no longer. Because he ruined it. Again.

“Alright boys! Showtime!” The Coach Suh’s loud voice causes the dugout to immediately grow silent as he begins to discuss strategies with the team, all the players listen attentively. Jisung tries his best to listen to the coach’s words but still can’t focus on anything but that damn empty seat.

-

As Jisung waits in the dugout from his turn to bat he is still not able to keep his mind off you. He keeps trying to focus on the game instead of you but it seems like Jeno has other plans. 

Jisung feels Jeno tap his shoulder to get his attention, when Jisung faces him, he smiles smugly and leans back, crossing his arms.  “You weren’t at the party last night, should’ve been.” 

Jisung shrugs, “I wasn’t feeling it.” Jeno leans forward to whisper into Jisung’s ear.

“That y/n was there, I had to have a go.” 

Jisung feels his blood run cold, nerves and new waves of angsty feelings rushing through him at the thought of you and another guy. Of you and Jeno. It can’t be true. You wouldn’t. “A go?”

“You know, like sex.” He replies easily, laughing. “She said she didn’t want it though. But they always say that, she’ll come around.” 

Heavily breathing, Jisung questions, “What makes you so sure?”

“She’s a slut, Jisung. She’s always wanted to get with one of us. Why do you think she was after you? She’s just a lonely slut looking for some dick.” 

Jisung knows better, he knows your likes and dislikes, she knows that you would never value sex over anything. He knows you’re not any of the things Jeno says you are. “That’s not true… she’s not a.. slut.” 

Jeno scoffs before nudging Jisung slightly. “Come man, don’t be like that, I’m just saying the truth, she’s just a little whor-“

Jisung’s face flushes with anger and his hands begin to shake, before moving on their own and landing a punch on Jeno’s ill speaking lips, causing his head snap back at the force. 

His fingers graze the fresh cut on his lip as he sends Jisung an incredulous look. “What the hell, Jisung?”

Jisung can’t believe he just did that, however, the adrenaline and anger provoked action felt amazing. Protecting and defending you felt amazing. And he’s not letting that go now. 

It doesn’t feel that good when Jeno lands a punch on his face in return. It makes him dizzy for a second, the world spinning while he tries to recover from the blow the stronger boy has given him. 

A sudden determination comes over him, and suddenly he’s straddling Jeno while landing punches on the boy’s already bleeding face, Jeno gets in his blows too. Busting Jisung’s lips and bruising his skin for sure.

It’s unknown to Jisung how long the fight lasts, or how long it takes for the coach to notice what was going on before he leaves the field and rushes into the dugout to stop the fight. 

The Coach’s voice sounds distant to Jisung’s ears when he yells for the to break it up, like hes at the bottom of a swimming pool at a party, listening to the music, talking and laughing of the people above the surface. “Park, Lee! Break it up!” 

The two boys are relentless, struggling against each other on the dirty ground of the dugout. One is battling for his own pride and image but the other battling for so much more: for the person he was, for the girl he left behind all because this toilet licking asshat baseball jock told him he wasn’t good enough.

This is it. Jeno can’t control him anymore.

Arms wrap around Jisung’s waist and pull him off of Jeno, who continues to glare and yell things at Jisung that he can’t make out as Coach Suh drags him out of the dugout away from Jisung. The person carrying him pushes him on to the bench of the dugout. His closest friend, Chenle, begins to speak.

“What the hell was that, man?” Chenle questions, looking at his best friend with a look that was both confused and concerned. Jisung feels the eyes of the entire baseball team on him. It makes him a bit uneasy but even then, he replies as calmly as he could.

“He was saying stuff about Y/N.” Chenle immediately calms, knowing the struggles his best friend has with the girl in question. However, another curious player makes his own question for the boy. 

“Bro, why do you care? I thought your parents were making you babysit her?” He is taken aback by the reply he is given.

“I care because I’m in fucking love with her, man.” Jisung drops his head into his hands, not in shame, but in frustration. Because those words feel so good coming out of his mouth; so honest and pure. And he held back from saying them all these years due to his own cowardly mindset. He ruined all his chances to be with you and betrayed your trust beyond repair. Before he can stop them, tears flood his eyes and a sob claws its way up his throat.

The other players watch their teammate break down after proclaiming his love a girl in shock, standing still, not knowing what to do. Chenle is the first to react by approaching his friend, carefully saying: “You should take a shower to cool off, it’ll help you.” 

Jisung nods weakly and lets his friend lead him to the locker room. 

As he watches the distraught Jisung disappear into the locker room, another player goes on a guilt fueled search for Y/N.

-

The sound of your footsteps echo off the walls of the empty hallway, you’re absolutely positive all the students are at the game. You bitterly think of all the plans you and Jisung had made for this very day. How you guys would get milkshakes after they won, how after the season was over you were planning to tell Jisung how you felt and especially about how all those plans were crushed under the rough soul of Jisung’s playing shoes.

You sigh as you make your way towards the entrance, ready to curl up in bed and forget the world (something you have been getting exceptionally good at recently). When you figure out that -once again- the universe has different plans in store for you. 

The universe comes in form of player number 13, Jaemin Na, clutching on your wrist and halting all of your movements. “Y/N?”

Once your mind registers the face in front of yours, you instantly rip your hand out of his grasp. “What do you want?” 

Jaemin looks slightly defeated at the sound of your tone but tries his best to explain the situation. “Look, I know that I have been absolutely terrible to you throughout the years, i'm sorry about that and I understand if you don’t want  to hear a single word  i have to say but this is about Jisung.” 

You ears practically perk up at the mention of his name and you grow concern as you ponder what it is Jaemin could be talking about. “What happened to Jisung?” 

“There was a fight during the game today, Jisung was involved.”

“He was involved? Is he okay?” You don’t bother to hide the concern in your voice when you throw the questions at the boy in front of you. 

“He’s fine, physically. But I think he needs you right now, Y/N.”

You look at the boy incredulously for a few seconds before looking down when you realize that he was serious about his words. You wrap your arms around yourself before shaking your head. “No… he can’t need me, he said I was nobody to him.” 

Jaemin scoffs at walks closer to you making direct eye contact, “I don’t know what he said before, but the reason he got into a fight with Jeno was because he was saying some shit about you.”

“What?” 

“And he just told the whole baseball team that he was in love with you.”

“WHAT?”

You try your best to process that information, staying silent while Jaemin stands anxiously in front of you. 

“You love him too, Y/N.”

You stare at him while you think. 

What if this ends up just like last time? With your heart in a million pieces all because of Jisung’s unhealthy concern over his reputation? But he said he loved you, and in front of the whole baseball team, apparently. 

So what does this mean? What should you do? What if now Jisung is ready to be there for you like he couldn’t be before? Maybe you’ll get the happy ending 14 year old you always wanted… 

“He needs you, y/n. Please.” Jaemin pleads, his eyes staring into yours and suddenly everything clicks. 

He needs you. Like…really needs you. And before he was the boy who left you stranded and broke your heart, he was your best friend who was always there for you whenever you needed him. 

You throw all selfish feelings to the wind and nod your head towards Jaemin, who sighs in relief. 

You go to turn before stopping in your tracks and facing the baseball player, who looks at you with a confused expression. You smile softly at him, “I forgive you, Jaemin.” 

You miss his teary smile as only seconds later your taking off down the hall in direction of the baseball field. 

-

After asking around, you finally get the information that Jisung was currently in the locker room. Which you stand in front of, breathing in deeply before pushing open the door. 

Most of the players have gone home, resulting in you being greeting with an empty locker room. The only sound is that of a single shower turned on and the silent sniffles of the boy you were searching for. 

“Jisung?” You say hesitantly, taking small footsteps towards the showers. He doesn’t reply. 

You knock softly on the shower door, “Jisung, it’s me. Are you okay?”

He sniffles once again, though this time, you can tell he’s trying to sound fine. “Yes.”

Not convinced, you say in a gentle tone: “Can you come out?” 

It takes a few moments before you hear the stream of water silence and the towel hung up on the shower down disappears from your view. Then the door opens revealing Jisung, who’s hair is sleek against his forehead and his eyes are trained towards the floor. You can’t help but gasp as you see his face, cut and bruised, it makes your heart hurt. There’s nothing but a towel wrapped around his hips, which allow you a full view of his bruised torso. 

You want nothing more than to take his face in your hands and somehow take all his pain away. “Jisung…”

“Hi.” 

If you thought you had Jisung at his worst, you were wrong. Not only was he physically hurt. His eyes were bloodshot and his bony shoulders hang low from exhaustion.  He looks so vulnerable, standing basically naked in front of you, looking like the world just betrayed him in the cruelest of ways. 

You do the only thing you can think of doing. You reach forward and pull his body against yours, hugging him close. 

It takes him some time for him to hug you back, but eventually his arms wrap around you slowly before they completely engulf you, pressing you harder against him. He lets the tears fall from his eyes and onto you shoulder, his body shaking with sobs.Your bodies slowly sink down until you’re both sat on the floor, his significantly larger frame fitting into your arms as you continue to hold him tight, letting him cry into your neck and chest. His large hands hold onto you, tightly gripping your clothes and bringing your body closer to him. 

You stroke his hair in an attempt to calm him, gently telling him It’s okay, that you’ll be here until he’s okay. And to not worry, that you’re not going anywhere. 

Your words make Jisung look up at you with blood shot eyes, sniffling softly. His eyes search yours for any hint of insincerity but all he finds is the comforting, caring gaze of his best friend. He smiles although ever so lightly. Your hands move to his face and you use your thumbs to wipe his tears away. You lean forward and press a soft kiss to his forehead. 

“Let’s go home, okay?” 

-

It isn’t until 3 days after you drop Jisung off at his house that afternoon that you finally see him again. 

3 days of planning scenarios out in your head on how you would go about this moment when it finally arrived and pondering whether Jisung meant every word he said that day. If he’s finally ready and what that would mean for you two.

These led you to right now, laying in bed staring restlessly at the ceiling, when your phone suddenly illuminates, a loud ‘ding!’ sounding through the room. Before checking your phone, you look towards your bedside table where you alarm read in bright read letters: 2:56am. 

Confused, you grab your phone to see who could be messaging you at the ungodly hour. 

You gasp slightly and feel your heart rate pick up as you see the notification. 

jisung park [2:54am]: come to your window.

You hesitate, wondering why he wanted to talk now of all times, but eventually find yourself slowly walking towards your bedroom window. Once you arrive, you see Jisung, who had been looking at your window expectedly only to nervously look away when you came into his line of vision. You can’t make out what expression he is wearing but you’re aware of his nervousness, that matches your own. 

Jisung looks down at his lap, where his phone was, taking it into his hands and waving it slightly at you. You nod, and even though you were expecting his phone call you still startle when the ringtone blasts through the room. Jisung watches carefully as you pick up your phone, silent raising it to your ear. 

The silent remains, the only noise present is the sound each other’s breathing through the phone. After some seconds, Jisung is the first to speak. 

His soft voice sounds so hurt and broken in your ear, it takes you back to that time in the locker room when you held him in your arms as he cried, “Y/N…”

“Jisung,” you pause, “what are you doing up so late?” 

He chuckles bitterly, wiping away a tear you hadn’t known was falling. “I couldn’t sleep, and I just… wanted to see you.” Jisung avoids your eyes, and picks sadly at the cracking paint of his window frame. 

“Are you sure that’s the only reason?” You ask. Jisung finally looks at you, before slowly shaking his head.

He breathes in deeply and keep his eyes on yours. His gaze is intense enough to make you feel like he was in the same room and not in completely different houses. 

“I’m sorry for what happened,” you grip your phone tighter at his words. “At the locker rooms that day and all those years ago when I told you I didn’t want to be friends anymore. I just… wanted to be on the baseball team so bad and I wanted to have this high school fantasy that I saw in all the movies and I let Jeno get into my fucking head, I believed him when he told me that the me I was then was worthless, and that I had to leave everything behind to be like him. I believed him like such a fucking pussy, y/n. And I hurt you. Over and over again because of my god forsaken reputation that he kept telling me I had to keep.” He raises his free hand in frustration, “and this reputation took so much out of me, it was like whenever I looked in the mirror I was this manufactured version of myself that I created just to satisfy Jeno and the rest of the man-eating toilet licking baseball jocks,” you chuckle softly as you recognize those words as your own, “and then you came back into my life… and at first I thought that I could do it, that I could keep this front up but I was wrong. Because the second you came back to me, I already felt like myself again. It was like an instinct to be my unfiltered self around you and it scared me so bad, y/n. It scared me because I liked being myself with you so much and I couldn’t hide it…” he breathes in, “so I allowed myself to keep you a secret, and to hurt you and treat like a guilty pleasure all because I wanted Jeno to think I was one of them. And now I realized that I don’t have to be like him or anything he wants me to be,” Jisung’s pleading gaze looking at you through your window and you realize that your own eyes are leaking tears on to your cheeks, which you brush away, “I just wanted to be yours, and I’m sorry that I didn’t put you first like I should have.” 

When you don’t say anything he adds, “I’m sorry for ranting so much, I j-“ Jisung stops talking as he sees you shaking your head.

“Don’t be sorry, Jisung.” You take a minute to compose yourself. You take a minute to think if what you are gonna ask of him is even reasonable on any level, or if it even makes sense. Ultimately, you decide that nothing that has happened in the last 4 years has really made any sense at all, there was no use in trying now. 

“Can you come over?”

You watch Jisung’s expression turn from anxious to shocked in a matter of seconds, “wh- now?”

You now assertedly, “Yes, now.” 

Jisung ponders over it for a few seconds before nodding, “okay. Yeah.”

You hang up first and walk away from the window,. 

You move towards your closet, taking out the box you had stored Jisung’s belongings in. You search for the worn down envelope you had stored all his letters in, you take out the one he had stored in your sweatshirt and run downstairs. 

The desperate need to see Jisung overcomes you, your feet moving quickly towards your front door which you hastily rip open to reveal the face of the boy that occupies the majority of thoughts. 

You catch of his open bedroom window behind him, and his disheveled hair, a clear indication that he snuck out that way. Your eyes widen, “Did you just jump off the roof your house?”

Jisung breathlessly looks back at his two story house and nods, “I guess I did,” He looks back at you, explaining, “It would've been too noisy to go out through the front door.”

His serious expression reminds you of why you called him here in the first place. 

You hesitantly hold up the note to his face:

‘My y/n, please understand and please keep me as your favorite boy after this. I’m so sorry. When it’s time, please forgive me -Jisung’

He looks down in shame when he sees the note, the regret of his actions behind the note washing over him as soon as he finished reading it over. You shake your head at his actions and reach forward to grab his chin, stepping into his line of vision. Once you’re assured that you two are holding steady eye contact, you begin to speak. “Don’t feel bad, please. I brought this down here so you could see it and know that… I forgive you, Jisung. For everything. Now that i know why you did what you did, everything feels so much better. I thought that you had dropped me because you didn't want you me anymore and I was so scared and upset and I told myself I would never talk to you ever again. I told myself that I didn't need you. But I did. I still do.” You stop to collect your thoughts momentarily, “When you left there was a Jisung shaped hole in my life that couldn't be filled by anyone and when you came back, you fit right in like you had never left and everything was just so … perfect. It was like I was not really me while you were gone, it was so weird.” 

Jisung nods, “I felt the same way.” This makes you smile, which makes him smile. 

“I think that the reason I was able to keep up that front for so long, because we weren't together, I don’t know what it is but you are the best part of me, and without i felt like an… unfinished puzzle.” 

He watches you nod eagerly as you agree, “Yes!” 

You two stay in a comfortable silence for a few seconds before you’re stepping forward so that your faces where less than an inch away, Jisung looks down at you before smiling and wrapping you in his arms. 

He feels emotional suddenly, the very fact that he has finally achieved the one thing he’s wanted for the past four years: your complete forgiveness. Jisung grips your clothing and pulls you closer, assuring that every part of your body is pressing against his. “I’m-“ he cuts himself off as he hesiatates, “I don’t know if this is too sudden or anything but I just- I wanted to- I- fuck-“

You can’t help but chuckle at his nervous stuttering, you pull away from your hug and look at the once again nervous boy. “What is it?” 

Jisung breathes in, “The day you overheard Jeno and I had bought you this,” He shrug off the backpack you don’t notice he had on and reaches inside of it pull out what looked like an animatronic penguin holding a pink heart that read, ‘I love you’. “I was going to give to you that day and like confess? I guess, I didn’t know what you were gonna say when you told me to come over but I figured if I bought it I should give it to you.” His hand comes up to rub the back of his neck in a nervous habit. “I was going to tell you how I felt that day, but you know things didn’t go as planned that day. And if you don’t feel the same that’s totally fine, I just.. wanted you to have it.”

You breathe in to speak when you thought his rambling had come to an end but Jisung stops, he leans down quickly to set the penguin on the floor of you patio before pressing a button. Music plays from the toy as it cutely dances. “It… dances.” 

Jisung is sweating. You almost feel bad for him. “I can see that.” You reply with a chuckle. 

It dawns on you that there was nothing (nothing) more Jisung, than this.

There’s nothing more Jisung than him standing in front of you, sweating, confessing to you with an animatronic dancing penguin. 

Nothing so Jisung, nothing so like the boy you love. 

Suddenly, you’re stepping over the penguin separating you two, and closing all the distance between you and Jisung, crashing your lips onto his. It takes the shocked boy a few seconds to process the situation, before his hands are finding their place on either side of your face. The way he moves his lips against yours is clumsy, but it’s everything you could’ve ever imagined.

Jisung sighs, and you can tell it’s everything he’s ever wanted too. He attempts to pull you as close to him as physically possible, wanting nothing more than to be closer to you. 

You pull away for air, but don’t move away from Jisung, who breathes deeply through his smiling, pink and swollen lips. He laughs breathlessly, “oh my god.” 

His laughter produces a chuckle of your own. “What?”

He shakes his head, smiling. His forehead rubs against your as he does so, and his hair tickles your face. “I’m so in love with you.” He watches you with soft eyes. 

You think that your heart is past the point of just bursting; it's like an atomic bomb that is capable of wiping out the entire population if Jisung didn’t stop being so damn cute.

You peck his lips softly before hugging him tight. “And I  love you.” 

And there you stay, until the sun rises and shines upon the two of you, whispering faint confessions of love to each other over and over while the penguin continues to sing It’s cheery tune next to you. 

-

“What the f-“ your mother stops in her tracks as soon as she opens her front door to find you and Jisung asleep on the patio of her house, curled up to one another for warmth. 

She looks around confusedly, wondering what the hell happened last night. But then she notices the way Jisung’s arm wraps around you tightly, keeping you close and the way you hands grip his clothes even while you sleep and she thinks she has an idea of what went on here last night.

After snapping a picture of you two to send to Jisung’s mother, she watches you and sighs, making eye contact with brightly colored penguin standing by her feet. 

“What are we gonna do with them?”

-

[1 year later, Senior Prom]

“I still don’t get why we can’t just get ready together.” 

You sigh as Jisung complains through the phone for what feels like the 100th time. “I already told you Jisung, I want you to be surprised when you see me! Remember that I’m not just your best friend anymore, I’m your girlfriend now, and I wanna look pretty for you.” 

“You always look pretty to me.” 

“I know! I just- It’s prom, okay? I want it to be perfect.” 

“It will be, okay? Come to your window.”

You do as he says and peek through your window to see an extremely not ready looking Jisung through his window. “Jisung! Prom is in an hour!”

“I know. I just wanted to be alone with you for a bit before we have to spend the whole night with our friends.” He pauses, and points to the window frame recalling the memory of last fall when he did this exact same thing fri the first time, “it’s like we’re hanging out, isn’t it cool?” 

You chuckle lightly, “Very funny.”

“Come on, y/n! Don’t you think I look better in my jersey anyway?” You take notice of the familiar jersey that is draped over his frame. It’s his baseball jersey that he never seems to take off ever since he was named Captain of the team when Jeno was kicked off last fall. And though he should be already wearing his tux, you’ll admit that the jersey does look a different kind of hot on him. 

“It’s not that bad.”

He laughs at your comment and takes a breath to speak, before being interrupted by his mother coming into his room and yelling at him to hurry up and get ready. He sighs and tells her he’s on it. “I guess that’s my cue.” 

“I’ve been telling you it’s your cue for the past 4 hours.” You say playfully, Jisung laughs. You watch him reach for his towel and throw it over his shoulder, waving at you through the window. 

“I love you, babe.” 

You smile when he says that, feeling like it’s the first time he’s ever said it. “I love you too, silly.”

“Ohhh, are you blushing? That’s so cute!” He coos point a finger at you through the window. 

“Go get ready!” You say in stern yet playful voice as you attempt to conceal your flustered date from your boyfriend. He laughs and says he’s going before hanging up to phone and leaving you to finally get ready in peace.

-

“Woah.”

Is all Jisung can say when he finally sees you. You walk down the steps of your house to meet him at his car, the tail of your dress flowing behind as you approach him. 

Now, Jisung always thought you were the most beautiful person in the world but… shit! You look so gorgeous. You give him chills.

“Jisung?” 

He realizes he’s just been frozen this whole time, and finally takes action reaching into his car and bringing out the corsage he bought to match your dress. He puts it on you, and steps back to admire you. Jisung takes a deep breath through his mouth and leans back, dramatically. The dramatic action from your boyfriend causes you to laugh. “What?” 

“You look like… ugh! You’re so beautiful.” He reaches forward and brings his hands to your face, bringing you closer and pecking your lips lightly as to not ruin your lipstick. You laugh and step back to admire your boyfriend. 

His black tux suited him well, and his hand styled his hair up for the night, giving him a cooler and sharper look to the one you’re used to. You like it. You liked it a lot. “What about you? You look like a million bucks! All the girls are gonna be all over you.” You say it jokingly, but Jisung leans forward once again.

“Too bad I’m taken, and I’m whipped too so I wish them luck trying to get through to me.” 

Yo laugh at his words and push his shoulder lightly. He smiles at you and attempts to wink, only fail miserably and a laughing fit to interrupt in between you two.

-

After posing for pictures at your mothers in front of your house for what feels like forever, you and Jisung finally arrive at prom. Jisung holds your hand as he walks in.

Chenle and Jaemin, two of his friends from the baseball team you had grown fond of, and Renjun find you guys first, immediately pulling you to the remotely empty dance floor. “Guys, no one is even dancing yet!” You exclaim, to which Chenle shrugs.

“Then let’s be the first!” 

And so that how you spent the rest of your night between dancing with your own friends and Jisung’s friends you find yourself barely having any alone time with your boyfriend.

You search for him in the crowd as the announcer introduces the prom royalty competition, that is until his name is called out and he goes up to the stage to accept his crown. You watch confusedly and amusedly as Jisung awkwardly accepts his flowers and allows the women to put the crown on his head. You laugh as he meets your eyes, sending you an awkward smile.

“And the prom queen of the class of 2020 is…” she read the card and smiles brightly, “Y/N Y/LN!”

You freeze when you hear that. Jisung brightens up on stage, cheering. You stay in your spot until Renjun is ushering you to the stage to accept your crown. He helps you step onto the stage and you thank him, when you finally reach the stage, you (just as awkwardly as Jisung) accept your crown and bouquet. 

People in the crowd cheer for their favorite couple when the announcer says it’s time for the king and queen to have a dance. 

Thus you have your first dance with Jisung of the night. And the way Jisung is looking at you almost makes you forget that literally everyone staring at you right now. You smile and pull him closer. He chuckles, “This plastic crown really suits you, it brings out the color of your eyes.”

You snort as you two continue to sway gently side to side. “I know, it’s a good look.” You poke his own plastic accessory as he laughs. 

You two dance in comfortable silence before Jisung says in a soft voice, “I’m like... really in love with you.”

You laugh bashfully before looking at your boyfriend. “I’m crazy in love with you too, Jisung Park.”

It dawns on Jisung how much he has changed in the past 5 years of his life. From your best friend, to the boy that broke your heart, to the baseball jock, then to the boy that broke your heart again and finally to your boyfriend. (He stills thinks about what happened with a heavy heart but knows that maybe things wouldn’t be the way they are now if they had never occurred.) He turned from a nervous kid who let his bully get the best of him to a bright young man who was willing to do anything for the girl in the pretty dress in front of him. He smiles as he realizes what he can do now that he had gotten over his fears.

“Watch this.”

You have no time to react as he suddenly grips your waist tighter and brings you closer so he could press his lips to yours. In front of all the people watching you, -which included teachers!- you hear Jaemin whistle and laughs into the kiss, causing Jisung to laugh as well. He pulls away.

“It feels so good that everyone knows you’re my girl.” 

He then pulls you in for another kiss and another and another and another. He basically kisses you for the rest of the night and you can’t find anywhere in yourself to complain because you admit it also feels absolutely amazing to have everyone know Jisung is yours. 

Now you know why everyone always said senior year is the best year of your life.

#nct dream scenarios #nct jisung #jisung park #nct dream jisung #nct imagines #nct fanfiction #nct angst #nct smut #nct fluff #xiaodejunletsact #nct #wayv scenarios #nct 127 #wayv #nct dream #nct mark

[dinosaurtsukki]

haikyuu!! music idol au (seijoh and shiratorizawa vers.)

hello hello! now for the groups with seijoh and shiratorizawa! if you like this why not check out music idol au karasuno vers.

CROWN ENTERTAINMENT

okay so basically this is now the entertainment company for the groups FALCON and KING

HAHAHS THE NAMES I REALLY CAN'T GUYS I'M SORRY THE NEXT POST ABOUT NEKOMA AND FUKURODANI ARE GONNA BE MUCH WORSE

okay but yes

they're one of the biggest names in the country and their groups have been around for quite some time

washijo is CEO

they're known to be very hard to get into because all of their idols are trained to be polished at whatever they do

but all of their releases are top quality

so lets get into the groups !!

KING - seijoh

okay so KING has 8 members and most of their comeback concepts are pretty bubblegum pop and boy-next-door

our leader for this group is oikawa of course

he's also wanted to be an idol for so long and trained really hard for it

• he managed to pass the auditions but his trainee years were hard on him because of all the expectations and work

luckily he befriended iwa who was also a struggling trainee

they spent years helping each other out and leaning on each other for support until their debut came

oikawa's the all-around vocalist, visual, and dancer so he's almost always in the center

the kind who nails all the notes while busting out the hardest dance moves

he's also multilingual because he wants to talk to a variety of his fans

everything he does seems so natural but in reality he practices so hard that iwa has to drag him to bed

iwa's our main rapper and main dancer of the group

his audition tape of him dancing was a bit embarassing because he was wearing a godzilla sweater and his hair was gelled up

everyone likes to bring it out from time to time

his fans also like sending him anything godzilla

his rapping is pOWERFUL and he can also beatbox really well

he also leads the dance breaks in performances

everyone thought he was scary until oikawa accidentally called him iwa-chan in a radio show and now everyone calls him iwa-chan

while oikawa is the leader, iwa is the one who manages everyone and makes sure no one gets lost when they go to awards shows

matsukawa and hanamaki were trainees that came in later and they became friends because they were roommates

hanamaki saw matsukawa taping printed out pictures of memes on the wall beside his bed and immediately knew they would be friends for life

and they were

they're notorious for sneaking food into their dorms and also picking on oikawa

they're kind of like an inseparable duo especially since hanamaki is on vocals and matsukawa is on rap

they have a lot of onstage moments and fans love how playful they are

they kind of improvise a bit sometimes when it comes to dance moves which makes washijo want to pull his hair out but fans like it so :/

they're the oldest members but they still call iwa and oikawa 'mom and dad'

they like doing weird shit to hanamaki's hair and taking videos of it 

the ‘what’s a contract? never heard of it’ duo basically 

yahaba's like the resident beautiful guy apart from oikawa

his voice is really melodious and he's often the one harmonizing with the high part

also sUCH a fLIRT

camera: *is directed at him*

yahaba: *blows a kiss*

matsuhana try to get him into their pranks on oikawa but he's too much of a goody two shoes

likes to film his skincare routine for the fans

secretly oikawa’s favorite junior

kyoutani auditioned for CROWN because he thought they were forming a hip-hop group or something edgy but no he was put into KING and he has to be around softies

he was desperate to get kicked out at first until iwa convinced him that he could still keep his look

they gave up on making him smile or look bright on cameras and said that if he's going to glare at least make it sexy

only listens to iwa and always stands next to iwa during award shows 

kindaichi and kunimi are their most treasured juniors and they'll do anything to protect them

both of them are vocalists and even though they don't often sing the melodies or hit the high notes, they're great harmonizing

actually knew of kageyama back in their auditioning days and were lowkey jealous of him

kindaichi is the sweetest junior he's always the one giving the members water and making sure they're alright

kunimi just silently observes the entire time and barely says anything but he'll often approach iwa for pointers when it comes to dancing

they were super young when they debuted and attended high school together in between practice

their seniors surprised them by coming to their graduation and even performing at the ceremony

both of them aren't as good as their fellow members yet but kindaichi works hard to be able to earn a few more lines in their songs

kunimi doesn't show much effort but he secretly likes to learn songwriting and music production because his dream is for KING to perform one of his songs

FALCON - shiratorizawa

another group that debuted about a year or two before KING

it is a POWERHOUSE of talent

also pretty much the OG group for most fans that inspired other upcoming groups

a lot of their concepts are centered around a mature gentleman image

idk what im saying but i'd compare them to super junior pretty much

they also do a lot of edgy concepts

ushijima's the leader of the group plus main rapper

he was actually inspired to become a rapper after watching another idol's performance

tbh he never expected to debut with a group but he had grown attached to some of his fellow trainees

he's also really talented at writing and producing songs

super stoic, even in front of the camera, but fans love his attempts at humor

tendou's like their main dancer and rapper

when he was younger people said his dancing looked weird because tendou could do those really cool, almost jerky movements

when washijo saw his audition tape he was like 'hmm we could use that'

thats because FALCON is super big on choreography, especially the ones that look like all the members are creating this huge other thing just by using movement

tendou pretty much leads the dance breaks all the time and he looks super serious and intense

he likes saying the most random, funny things during interviews

sometimes you'll catch him dancing by himself when they’re just waiting for results in award shows

so many conspiracy videos as to whether or not tendou has joints

now we have our shirabu kenjiro

this boy is like a prodigy he was destined to be recruited by CROWN and to end up in FALCON

the more i spell out these names the more i see how absurd they all look i'm sorry

tendou likes to call him his 'beloved junior'

he's as serious as ushiwaka is but with sASS

is known for sassing out interviewers and show hosts when he can tell that they're making up bullshit and now everyone's scared of him

he's main vocals and visuals

his voice is like a really nice baritone and he's very powerful with his singing that people don't question whether or not he lipsyncs

actually gets the most lines in their group

he likes to challenge the limits of his contract and even cut his own bangs and that's why they're Like That

he ended up getting chewed out by washijo for it

ya boi semisemi is out here being a dAncE gOD

he can learn choreography really quickly and in variety shows the hosts always challenge him to learn another group's choreo by looking at it once

so far he has not lost

everyone in his team cheers him on

also basically the group's main choreographer. he'll lowkey get mad at someone who forgot the choreo but teach them anyway

interacting with fans makes him so happy and soft he treasures every letter he receives and likes giving out gifts during fanmeets

he keeps his room really neat and likes to display the presents he receives from fans

also main vocalist in the group but just gets a line or two

his real skill though are opening dance performances during music award shows

he, tendou, and goshiki slay every opening performance and its amazing

reon is the last main rapper of the group and basically The Mom of the group

he's the one calming everyone down and checking up with people before they perform

his rapping sounds really smooth and very close to how he speaks normally so he shines most in the b-side tracks of their album

he had a lot of struggles passing auditions because most companies would discriminate because of appearance but washijo saw a lot of potential in him

he likes to speak out about the discrimination in terms of appearance in the music industry

everyone in FALCON supports him

lastly we have goshiki the precious little maknae of the group

everyone dotes on him because he was a skinny child when he debuted with the group

goshiki's like the legendary maknae who could do pretty much anything

he's main vocalist, dancer, and visuals

when he started out he was always super active and full of initative as a trainee

he trained super hard just to debut with FALCON because he looks up to ushijima

like shirabu, he gets a ton of lines and sings a lot during the chorus

when he graduated everyone from FALCON attended and he treated them all too lunch

after every comeback tendou's jus like 'our little baby goshiki is growing up'

i basically wrote him as jungkook from bts didn't i?

additional hc’s for funsies

oikawa was actually supposed to debut much earlier with FALCON but he had grown attached to his fellow trainees (iwa and matsuhana) and wanted to be in a group with them

FALCON and KING have a small rivalry ongoing to see who can get the most views in one day during every comeback video that the members do all these crazy things to get their fans to stream their comebacks

one of them was matsuhana promising to release a rare picture of kyoutani smiling 

FALCON has Boardgame Fridays where they just play boardgames all night and it’s super fun and precious because goshiki gets super competitive

also all of his seniors tried to get him drunk after his graduation and goshiki did in fact get drunk and ended up spilling some secrets about how shirabu cuts his bangs on instagram live

FALCON and KING love having dance-off sessions with each other and the music they always choose is ‘Crazy in Love’ from the White Chicks movie

the reon and semi have a mukbang series on instagram live and sometimes yahaba and kindaichi join in

ushijima allegedly wrote and produced a song about the joy of farming but washijo rejected it from appearing on the album because it was weird but thanks to tendou spilling about it, fans demanded to hear the song and ushijima performed it in one of their concerts

kunimi also wrote a song about that was supposedly about a loving a bad boy despite being a nice girl and when people asked what his inspiration was he just said ‘kyouhaba’ 

haikyuu!! music idol au series: karasuno vers., seijoh and shiratorizawa vers., nekoma and fukurodani vers.

#haikyuu!! music idol au #haikyuu!! music idol au seijoh and shiratorizawa vers. #hnghhh it is DONE #oikawa tooru #iwaizumi hajime #hanamaki takahiro #matsukawa issei #yahaba shigeru #kyoutani kentarou #kindaichi #kunimi #ushijima wakatoshi #tendou satori #semi eita #shirabu kenjiro #reon ohira #goshiki tsutomu

[cow3survivor]

Ep. 9: “Break Down Everything I’ve Built” - Jennet

JENNET

not to be rude but i hate this cast.... me winning immunity didnt even matter bc my bestie got booted tf...

(a little later)

feeling alone, im not even on a tribe anymore. im alone now not furcifer calumma or brookesia, just jennet

(after eating rice)

i know i sound dramatic asf but ffft i was so uneasy starting this game and i didnt feel comfortable or didnt feel excited to play until i started playing with ethan so i guess i relied too much on him but its like... now what?? where do i go from here? like sam, sammy, jones, and mikey voted to keep him so its like... here i am with low numbers again

(after taking a dip in the ocean)

immunity doesnt feel so good when ur number one ally gets sent home...

(after polishing the immunity necklace)

realizing that tonight ive been on the wrong side of both of votes so now im... reevaluating my position in this game. i have to break down everything ive built and start over and see who i can really trust right now

JONES

https://youtu.be/GY0DufoCyLE (after live night)

LOVELIS

So today's been way more eventful! I've had a great conversation with Jennet finally & got caught up on all the live night stuff, thought it was just a live competition that I wasn't able to attend but then I woke up to Ethan being gone LMAO but oh well! I've been targeted the past two rounds but I'm still here so I've just gotta work my options as best I can, and right now I do wanna with with Jessica the most. Apparently Shane put in a lot of work to keep me during live night & I'm thankful but earlier when I tried to talk to him he wouldn't divert from that point & it was a little awkward.. like idk what you want me to do about that... so today's mostly been catching up with the people who I haven't heard much from like Jake, Lindsay etc and seeing where their heads are at, I need to be more involved in something big if I'm gonna be seen as a potential winner should I make it to the end so I'm definitely not shy of jumping ship from Sharon and tryna make something better for myself with the people that voted for me hehe.. 😳😈

JENNET

looking at the memory wall and im feeling very: vulnerable

LINDSAY

12/19 - https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Q_KxHilwOebD8G3D8JAZsOMKdgsxFp-b/view?usp=sharing

JESSICA

I know in my last confessional I said I was close with Ethan. After I wrote that, I realized that he was a lot closer with other people than he was with me. Lindsay accidentally added him to an alliance chat and I expected him to freak out in my DMs (or at the very least ask me about it!) since we're supposed to be such good allies. But he didn't say anything! Shane said that he did get an Ethan freakout so I was like hmm... noted. Ethan likes Shane more than me so I am okay to vote him out a lot earlier than I was planning. Ethan also left out a LOT of information about the idols when we talked about them so I instantly knew at merge that he was hiding things from me. When we did that round robin conversation thing, I got Shane early on (I think he was the third person I talked to?) and he pitched voting Ethan which made a lot of sense to me. Plus I was a little worried Ethan could have had the Furcifer idol since he found that Brookesia one so fast. I figured if we were going to make a big move, that was the time to do it because if anyone was suspicious I could just pretend the whirlwind nature of the round was the reason they didn't know what happened. Speaking of idols!!! I'm 95% sure that Furcifer idol is in Sam's pocket. Shane had a vote extort power which he could play on anyone; it would force them to either reveal their entire voting history to this mysterious person OR they would have to give up their vote and sit out of immunity. I guess the vote part isn't public but the immunity part was and for some reason, Sam chose to not reveal his voting history. To Shane and Daisy, who don't know how the idols worked, this is a weird choice. But to me there's only one reason someone doesn't want their voting history revealed and it's because they didn't vote at a tribal which means they have an idol. Shane originally wanted to play the power on Mikey which I strongly did not want because 1) I already know how Mikey has voted and 2) I was pretty sure Mikey didn't have an idol so it's unlikely there was a tribal he didn't vote in and 3) If Mikey asked me about it, I didn't want to lie but I also didn't want to expose Shane. The question is.... does Sam's idol still work? If I had found the idol when I knew there was an easy boot on my team (he has to have found it before Pennino left), then I would have gambled as long as I could have to get the idol to work. My guess is Sam's idol goes until... f7? Maybe f6 or f5. Pennino probably left 3-1, not 4-1, but Sam's missing vote didn't matter because it was unanimous and wasn't read. For this round, right now everyone is probably voting Lovelis. It's the easy vote because he isn't here but personally I don't want to do that. Everyone says Lovelis is inactive but he isn't inactive to me and as far as I know, he is not going to flip on me and thinks I've been looking out for him. Which I have been! Also Lovelis cannot have an idol unless he somehow got the merge one. So to me it's like.... why not take out someone like Sam who (probably) has an idol? Or at least get him paranoid enough so he plays it. He seems like the kind of player who could easily stab me in the back so I'd like to get him before he gets me. Right now my tightest alliance is with Shane/Daisy, though I definitely talk about the game with Shane the most. However I also have good relationships with Lovelis, Sammy, and Mikey. I think Jennet and I are getting along well because as far as I know, I was the first one who told them Ethan's name was going around last time when everyone else seemed too afraid to tell them. They were not into that plan at all but I'm glad that I was honest with them because I don't want that to be a closed relationship at all! They also don’t seem to have a tonne of connections so they’re someone I'd like to keep close. And then Jones/Lindsay/Jake are people who I'm still getting to know but I do trust them.... a bit. I don't see that alliance of 6 lasting long term however I don't mind trying to stick with it to get Sam out before it disintegrates. I also think Shane is coming across as a threat which is great to me. I hope people don't think we're close because I really want to keep that relationship hidden. My entire game is about having everyone think they're my #1 (or at least my #2 or #3) so that they are less likely to leak things I tell them, less likely to vote for me, and more likely to look out for me. Information is power so I try to be in a position where I'll get as much of it as I can. So far it is working! I think. This is truly an essay

(a little later)

Oh also I never get episode titles in games so here are some: "Any way you slice it, it's Survivor madness!" "What a night, what a vote" "Please don't invite me to your messy party" "Social game is on 0!" "Survivor brings out the worst in you" "I'm a chameleon" Some of those are things other people said in other games but... oh well!

JENNET

apparently lovelis is rallying the troops to get them to vote for me bc i voted him out over madison... babe we NEVER spoke, and i spoke to madison ALOT why would i not vote u ? tf... its getting weird

JESSICA

LMAO IGNORE THAT LAST CONFESSIONAL That is not how the advantage works at ALL I now totally understand why Sam rejected it That’s so funny that we really read it that wrong.............. I love reading and comprehending the words that I read Still don’t know where that last idol is but this is so funny.

JENNET

so right now the only people i can trust are sammy, sam, jones, and mikey. i want to trust jake but hes in an alliance with jones, lindsay, daisy, shane, and jessica that he didnt tell me about. jones is playing double agent right now and the only reason i dont find that sketch is bc she told us info that she didnt need to. i will say me and jake had a convo about how we dont trust how shady lindsay has been and we wont target her until most of the og brookesia members are gone. im very scared right now but also very angry

(a little later)

had plans for this vote but sam got his vote taken away. im waiting to see what pops off at tribal/ the few hours before tribal before i can try to get the little band of misfits to settle on who to target first. so far its daisy and shane, i’ll try to sneak lindsay in but honestly i want daisy gone first bc shes hosted me and seen how i play and thats too much of an advantage. she’s dangerous to me and my game

JAKE

https://youtu.be/nZPMXTthz9Q yes I'm becoming paranoid and what?? say it to her face

JENNET

my dream boot order after this round (if lovelis is who goes): daisy shane jessica lindsay and then everything else can fold around itself but ideally jake is next to go

LINDSAY

videos r still uploading but here's my quick tea for this episode: feels way too easy to vote lovelis, keep expecting things to blwo up bc lovelis is throwing jennet's name out there. game way too quiet. shit aint right but i aint know whats wrong. i may be paranoid

JENNET

:ETHAN: ❤️ :JENNET: hours

SAMMY

so I feel like so much happened in this round? let's recap the live night and dive into our thoughts and feelings about where we are right now. So starting off after Madison is voted out, the plan throughout the day was to just vote out whoever stayed out of Madison/Lovelis, right? Okay so I go into this live event thinking that's the plan...not sweating...just chilling right? right okay so I get to talking to people and then I get in a chat with daisy who is my 3rd phone call? Then I hear of this plan to get rid of Ethan?? In my head I was like...blinks...okay so why are we doing this like what is the point y'all are being too complicated. So fast forward Ethan goes home. Then Jones lets me know there was a separate group made before tribal of Jake/Shane/Jones/Jess/Lindsay. Apparently all the people who voted Ethan? This actually pisses me off not gonna lie because I opened the door for a conversation hinting that I knew of a group to daisy/jess/Jake and none of them spilled to me. So I caught them in a lie and it lets me know that they are serious about that group of people and that alliance means something. I thought I was close to daisy and I thought she considered me her #1 ally but the info I have been getting really makes me trust her less. She was working on the idol/bridge with like so many other players which makes sense to how she was able to find so many powers. I feel used. She is close to Shane and it is obvious. I also 100% feel as if the Ethan plan was made before tribal or at least mentioned as an idea. I don't like the vibes I am getting from them and something has to change soon or I am gonna be finding myself in a rough patch. I told Jones about Daisy's powers to let Jones know that Daisy pretty much lied to Daisy about the street car ladies (sorry daisy I still love u but in the moment I felt used because I know ur bridge group is on like the late 30s and you didn't tell me). Daisy is playing the middle and I need to separate myself from her or at least break her and Shane up. She is using Shane as a shield. Also I was added to the justice league alliance and its so cute (Jones, Jennet, Mikey, Me, Sam) I love this group but I will say Sam is my weakest connection and I don't really have much trust in him? Hoping that will change in these upcoming rounds tho. Also, I told Jones about my vote block that lasts until final 5 which we could use to our advantage later in the game. I will be holding onto that as long as possible. The last major update other than me feeling somewhat left out of this "group" would be that Jess asked if I would be down to make a group after the vote of her/Jake/me/mikey which I would actually very much enjoy. Okay that is my longest confessional yet. I hope you enjoy. As of right now my top two allies are Jones/Mikey....Lowest on my trust rankings are Shane and Lindsay.

JENNET

lovelis dming me saying we should get out mikey pfftttt

DAISY

https://youtu.be/mz2Fg_Kvyqo

SAM

https://youtu.be/J81hUWIy6dg

SHANE

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1-dymdy5vjtHdwsY3JSTnovwaSRLvuzQt

JESSICA

me: lovelis will be a jury vote for me! me: nvm!!!! Not sure why being rude to people and attacking them is your strategy on the way out... but you do you!

LOVELIS

I think I mentioned chaos in my previous confessional and I think I just did that so you know what.. I'm content LMAO. I pulled out pretty much all the cards I had left to play this round and if it wasn't enough despite being carried the past two tribals.. then so be it. This has been such a fun past couple days and it's fun to just let loose and see what happens!

#cowsurvivor #confessionals

[rannzy]

now that i’m living in london i decided i might as well keep track of all the exhibitions i’ve seen because i know that when im 40 im definitely going to forget about all of this... i was thinking of doing multiple posts but at this point i cba (‘cant be arsed,’ a term my welsh flatmate anjelica has taught me)

sense sound/sound sense @ whitechapel gallery 

this exhibition was about fluxus’ explorations into sound art. i rly like fluxus to begin with so i was excited to see this exhibition. it was nice bc the works were rly gud (i liked mieko shiomi’s embryo of music, which plays an entangled/mangled version of a cassette tape recording of mozart’s minuet -- direct from the accompanying text: “As described by the artist, it is ‘an awkward performance (as if music were taking its initial form)’” -- which i think is a great way to look/hear that work). the exhibition was a collection show w works owned by fondazione bonotto (never heard of them) though unfortunately the room was too small to accommodate everything it kinda just looked like a mess although i really liked the works individually.

luchita hurtado: i live i die i will be reborn @ serpentine galleries

its a shame i cant get with surrealism... this lil old lady had some works about the universe and womanhood w a dash of like strange colors and forms and envisioning the light u would see upon exiting ur mothers womb. but anyway i liked this self-portrait she painted

interim @ goldsmiths

so this exhibition was an in between exhibition done by the mfa 1st year now 2nd year students to show what works theyve been making. really there is no curatorial anything behind this nor any description behind any work so ur really just meant to look at the form unless u ask the artist whats the haps... so i didnt really gather anything from it -- there were works that i really liked looking at and works that i didnt. my mom said the exhibition was too depressing because there were some stuff about death and racism and violence

i liked this work by rafael perez evans despite knowing nothing, though i wonder if its just a better version of a spectacle than works by mark justiniani??? maybe i am just amused bc it is my first time to see it?? i dont know but i thought his work was nicely polished compared to many others from his class

i also liked this hair work by pei-chi wu. i kept on thinking about where she harvested this hair and how she was able to make it into a loosely knit scarf kinda thing without her fingers getting cramped??? also the title (’It’s a long story’) is great

olafur eliasson: in real life @ tate modern

it took my mom and i 3 tries to get into this exhibition!!! the first two times we went to tate, a part of the exhibition was closed n we definitely did not want to pay gbp 20 to get in to see an incomplete exhibition. i was able to see some olafur works in the past 2 years but its def better seeing a hella big version of it. im p sure everyone’s favorite work was ‘Your blind passenger,’ which was this long straight hallway filled w fog that u could only see about 1.5m in front of u. the light changes from white to yellow to blue to white again and its rly such an experience walking slowly and feeling for the walls bc u think ur gonna trip. im p sure tate advertises this as the main selling point of the exhibition which i think it rly is, nothing else in the show compares to this work everything else kinda reminds me of being in mind museum (he had a kaleidoscope tunnel thing, constructed rainbows from mist, and other tricks of the eye)

untitled by danh vo @ south london gallery

apparently ‘danh vo’ in reverse (vo danh) means unnamed in vietnamese. danh vo collabed with a buncha other artists n ppl and used their work in his exhibition. the main space had these big mirrors with glow in the dark paint washed over them and also these portraits (i-D vibing) of his nephew/muse taken by his lover, which felt kinda call me by your name ish even though i havent seen the film. everyone seems to be raving about this exhibition though i only really liked one work, which was a letter sent by this french missionary to his father on the eve of his execution. danh vo collabed with his own father who doesn’t speak french but carefully replicated the calligraphy in the letter.

tony cokes: If UR Reading This It’s 2 Late: Vol.1 @ goldsmiths cca

the exhibition was full of diff video works that all had some text flashing with like poppy disco/other fun music playing in the bg. the artist apparently is a professor at brown university and incorporates some theory and political jabs, w quotes by diff figures in history. he had a whole work about how morrissey from the smiths is now a tory but dont worry we dont all have to be tories when we get old. idk i feel like this work was a lil bit too lukewarm take for me?? maybe i have to sit down w it longer n watch everything thru and thru but i think that young hae chang heavy industries does it better

other spaces: UVA @ 180 the strand

this was COOL HAHHAHAA it was super spectacle but i was really amused and intrigued!!! uva apparently is a collective of artists that work across new media and video and walking thru this exhibition felt like being in some sort of interstellar-star trek-matrix kinda vibe?? the first room were these lamps that were swinging around by themselves (kinda like the lamps u would picture in a police interrogation in the films) -- the room was foggy too so u couldnt really see the end of the ceiling it really just looked like lights floating. its supposed to be a commentary on surveillance n stuff?? typical things global north people care about but it was amusing to watch. the other works were like this light beam that made walls?? and theyd close in on u? it was reimagining space as framed by lights. and the last work was this animal orchestra where a bioacoustician recorded snippets from the amazon/ocean/etc and isolate specific sounds by certain species

this was a LONG POST THE END

#2019 #london #reviews

[katrinawritesthings]

Jonghyun/Taemin; A Series of Lists (Part 20); PG

part 20: five times they were Blushie

From: Taemin Tuesday 4:35pm jonghyun please explain the nut meme to me

masterlist

ao3

1 “Jonghyuuun,” Taemin calls. Whines, more like, raising his voice just loud enough to hopefully be heard upstairs. He pouts to himself as he lays on his stomach on the floor, squinting to see under the couch. He doesn’t know how he lost his swiss army knife under there so easily; he was filing his nails one second, and then the next it was slipping out of his hands and tumbling into the dark void.

“Yeah?” Jonghyun’s voice calls back. Taemin turns his face to face more upwards than downwards when shouts up again.

“Do you have a flashlight somewhere?” he asks.

“Uh,” Jonghyun says. There’s a pause after that, which Taemin assumes is Jonghyun trying to finish whatever cooking task he’s doing up there in the kitchen before he tries to think. He waits patiently, shuffling to his feet and brushing dust off of his clothes. He hears the familiar noise of someone going up the stairs to the motel rooms through the wall and wonders vaguely if the people in the lobby can hear their conversation. “In my bedside table drawer,” Jonghyun calls eventually. “The middle one. In there somewhere.”

“Okay,” Taemin shouts back. He shuffles his way into Jonghyun’s room, flicking the light on as he sits at the edge of his bed. Pulling open the drawer, he peeps inside. Looks like a bunch of stuff. He moves aside a little packet of tissues, a deck of cards, a box of lube and condoms, some cold medicine, cough drops, a magazine with Taemin’s face on it, a--

Wait.

Taemin pauses, pushing a pack of sticky notes back where they first were, and--yeah, that is his own face looking up at him. Huh. Taemin pulls out the magazine, snorting when he remembers the shoot. He still doesn’t get why they had him pose in front of a wall splattered with paint, but at least he looks like a babe. He smiles to himself thinking of Jonghyun having this magazine. He must have just come across it by chance and saved it. That’s cute. Jonghyun is cute. He loves his cute boyfriend.

When he moves to put it back into the drawer, he’s stopped by yet another picture of himself. He pauses again, looks at the magazine in his hands, looks at the one still in the drawer. When he reaches in to grab that one, he realizes that it’s actually just one on top of a whole stack.

“Oh,” he says to himself, and pulls all of them out at once. “Hmm.” This is a sizeable bunch of magazines. He flips through them all to confirm that they’re all of him. Each magazine is either opened to the ads he modeled for or stuck with a little postie note on the right page. Taemin flips through all of them with varying levels of regret--why the fuck did he he take that ramen job--and the occasional fond smile. He’s never actually taken the effort to look up the shit he’s done; some of these he doesn’t look too bad in.

He also finds himself grinning more and more at the fact that these were all just stacked neatly in Jonghyun’s drawer. That his little bub has looked for and bought and saved up every instance of his modeling career. That they were conveniently placed in the drawer right by his bed. The same drawer as his lube and condoms and tissues.

Suspicious.

“Tae?” Jonghyun calls then. Taemin looks up; it sounded like Jonghyun was just on the other side of the bedroom door. Even as he glances back down at the magazines Jonghyun jiggles the doorknob and pushes it open. Taemin doesn’t even really try to hide what he was looking at. It’s not his secret. “Did you find it?” Jonghyun asks as he steps into the room. He looks at Taemin at the bed, smiles, notices magazines in his lap, tilts his head curiously. “What’re you looking at?” he asks. Taemin cocks a brow, then holds the top one up.

Jonghyun looks at it for a long moment before his cheeks start to color pink.

“Oh,” he says, and his eyes flick down to the whole stack of magazines in Taemin’s lap. “Oh,” he says again, and immediately turns and walks out of the room, lifting his hands to cover his face. A wide smile spreads over Taemin’s lips as he catches the bright blush that’s made its way all the way to the back of Jonghyun’s neck.

2 When Jonghyun comes out of the bathroom, fresh and minty and all washed up for the day, he finds Taemin still sitting up in bed, sleepy and groggy and rubbing his palms into his eyes. He smiles fondly. Cute bub. Taemin finishes rubbing his face and looks up as he enters. His lips twitch up into a little smile and he waves softly.

“Happy birthday,” he says. Jonghyun smiles even wider. Bless.

“Thanks,” he says, sliding onto the bed and draping himself over it so his head is in Taemin’s lap. “Wanna take me to breakfast?” he asks, reaching up to poke Taemin’s soft little cheek. Taemin nips at his finger, pets his hair, pats his chest.

“Sure,” he says, “but, first. I got you some stuff.”

“Ooh,” Jonghyun says as Taemin leans over the side of the bed and rustles in his bag on the floor. He loves stuff. He sits up straight as Taemin pulls out a little box and holds it in his lap.

“Uh,” he says, and pulls the top off. “I didn’t wrap any of it, but.” He shrugs and hands Jonghyun a card first. It’s cute; it has pictures of puppies in birthday hats and it says “28? Celebrate!” in bubbly letters. Inside Taemin’s drawn him a heart with little blushies on it that Jonghyun chuckles at. That’s sweet.

“And,” Taemin says, pulling stuff out of the box. “I got you some fancy guitar polish,” he says, handing the bottle over. “And, a custom scented candle that smells like leather and asphalt… and… a notebook to write music notes in… and--oh. This,” he says, leaning down to rustle in his bag again. He pulls out a red and blue plaid button up and holds it up, peeping at Jonghyun from over the collar. “Because I thought you would look cute in it, with that purple hat you have,” he says.

“Ooh,” Jonghyun says again. He knows just the hat Taemin is talking about and he agrees. He puts all of his other new stuff down and reaches for the jacket, pulling it on over his blue tshirt. “Thanks, Tae,” he says, fixing it up over his shoulders. “For everything, heck.” This is all so nice. He pops the lid off of his candle and sniffs, then sniffs more when it smells exactly like Taemin does when he first shows up with the gang after being away for two months. Holy shit. This is a very important candle that he will cherish forever.

Taemin hands him the box as well; Jonghyun giggles as he takes it and gently puts everything else back inside. He loves them and he loves Taemin. They’re such thoughtful little gifts, even the jacket, and--

“Oh!” he says suddenly. The jacket reminded him of something. Taemin hums in question and Jonghyun wiggles to the edge of the bed to get off. “I have something for you too, hold on,” he says, opening the top right drawer. He runs his fingers over all of his hats and bracelets and earrings until he finds the right jewelry box, then pops it opens and shuffles through his rings until he finds it. “Aha,” he mumbles, and takes it out.

It’s a simple thing; a black band with silverish lines on each side. He takes it back with him to the bed and sits pleasantly in front of his babe, who’s looking at his closed hand with curiosity. Jonghyun smiles and holds it up for him to see.

“I’ve been meaning to give this to you for, like, months,” he says. He’d just been forgetting, but Taemin giving him the shirt made him remember. “I think rings would suit you.” He hands it over; Taemin takes it and looks at it in the palm of his hand.

“Oh,” he says. Jonghyun nods, looking around for his present box again. He takes the top and puts it on. He’ll put everything away later. “It’s not, like, a relationship ring, or anything,” he adds as he leans over to put the box on top of his bedside table drawer. “Just, like. An accessory. You don’t have to put it on your ring--”

He stops when he turns around; stops and just looks at Taemin, right hand halfway through sliding the ring down his left ring finger, bottom lip between his teeth, vibrantly pink in the cheeks. Taemin looks back at him, eyes wide and cheeks getting darker and darker by the second. Jonghyun feels the most amused and fluttery feeling inside of him and pulling his lips up into a wide grin.

“Tae,” he says. That’s so fucking sweet and adorable. Taemin hisses a soft curse, puts his face into his hands (the black of the ring stark against his flushed skin), and stands up without looking at Jonghyun again.

“Come on, kid, let’s go get you some breakfast,” he says loudly. He grabs one of Jonghyun’s jackets at random from his coat rack to pull over his sleep shirt as he all but speeds out of the bedroom. Jonghyun follows considerably slower, making sure to grab his purple hat from his drawer on the way out.

3 From: Taemin Tuesday 4:35pm jonghyun please explain the nut meme to me

To: Taemin Tuesday 4:35pm ??????? What

From: Taemin Tuesday 4:50pm idk i say nut sometimes like “wow you really nutted that frisbee when you threw it” and everyone tells me to stop but they say it in the same tone they use when they tell someone else to stop talking about memes but the only memes i know are the booty one and the tag yourself one so im really confused

To: Taemin Tuesday 4:51pm Oh,,,, my god

To: Taemin Tuesday 4:51pm It’s not really a meme but it’s slang

To: Taemin: Tuesday 4:52pm Nut means to jizz but usually in a jokey or exaggerated way

From: Taemin Tuesday 5:20pm ?

To: Taemin Tuesday 5:21pm Sometimes it’s just a synonym for jizz or ejaculate or whatever but usually it’s to say you’re feeling a lot of good emotions about something

To: Taemin Tuesday 5:21pm Like if you see something really rad or something that you’re excited about you say that you’re gonna nut

To: Taemin Tuesday 5:21pm You’re not actually going to jizz about it but it’s funny because the idea of someone jizzing over a coupon for free pizza or a good song is funny

From: Taemin Tuesday 7:30pm oh

To: Taemin Tuesday 7:31pm Speaking of good songs I have a few more for you to listen to the next time you’re here uwu

From: Taemin Tuesday 8:15pm nut

From: Jinki Wednesday 11:30am You explained what Nut means to him didn’t you :/

4 Taemin rests his chin in his hand as he slowly sips the rest of the milk from his cereal bowl, blinking sleepily at the cute strawberry decor of the kitchen tablecloth. The little strawberries smile back at him, greeting him good morning and making him feel sunny on the inside. He knew picking this out for Jonghyun’s house would be a good idea.

At the sink, Jonghyun hums to himself as he washes the dishes of whatever breakfast he’d made and finished before Taemin woke up and slouched down the hallway. Taemin lifts his eyes to smile fondly at him instead, little and cute and peppy with his fuzzy pajama pants and dark tank top. His arm muscles look extra nice today. Not too buff and inflated by the crushing pressures of the patriarchy like they used to be for a few years, but not at that too small point that makes him pouty about too many skipped days. They’re in the middle. Just right.

A line of black just above Jonghyun’s left elbow makes Taemin pause in his breakfast and squint. Scooting his chair closer, he reaches out to gently touch Jonghyun’s arm as he puts the last dish into the drying rack. Jonghyun hums, glancing at him over his shoulder.

“Yeah?” he asks. Taemin glances up at him, then back to his elbow. With Jonghyun still like this, he can see it clearly: black ink that spells out “inspiration” with a thin red line through it.

“You got a tattoo,” he says, rubbing his thumb over it gently. When the frickie did that happen. It definitely wasn’t there the last time Taemin left three months ago, but he’s been back for almost a month already. He can’t believe that he didn’t notice until just now.

“Oh,” Jonghyun says. He smiles, turning his arm to look at it himself. “Yeah,” he says. “Four, actually.” He grabs a dish towel to dry his hands as Taemin’s brows rise into his hair. Four.

“When?” he asks curiously.

“Uh, like, a week or two after you left last time,” Jonghyun shrugs. “Here’re my other ones, see--” He holds out his right arm, pointing to three simple words on the inside of his bicep: “never the less.” Then to his left forearm, where “Story Op. 1 2” is written, and then taps the back of his neck. “The one back there is a secret,” he says, a mischievous smile playing on his lips. Taemin feels himself smiling too. That’s cute. They’re all cute. He’s heard Jonghyun say “nevertheless” a lot; whenever he’s pouty about having to do a chore but he does it anyway because he knows it’s right to do. And “inspiration” was the name he gave his first little set of concerts, and the Stories were his little album names.

“I like them,” he says, reaching up to run his fingers over Jonghyun’s bicep. They’re cute and fun and sentimental. Jonghyun beams back, booping their fingers together cutely before sitting down across from Taemin.

“I was thinking about getting a fifth, actually, I just remembered,” he says, “well, more than that, but--I was waiting to ask you about this specific one.”

“I--why?” Taemin asks. It’s Jonghyun’s body. He can do whatever the fuck he wants to it. Jonghyun smiles down at the table, bites his lip for a second, and looks back up.

“Because, um,” he says. “Inspiration and the stories were for me, and never the less is something I and my other friends say a lot together, and I wanted to get another one for… you.”

“Me?” Taemin asks blankly. A tattoo for him.

“Yeah,” Jonghyun says, nodding eagerly. “Nothing too big, but. It’s still going to be a permanent thing on my body that represents you, so I wanted to see if you were comfortable with that first before I went and did it.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal either way Taemin decides. Taemin hums shortly, not really agreeing or disagreeing. Just processing. A tattoo for him.

“I was thinking, like,” Jonghyun continues. “Hereish, on the inside of my arm.” He flips his left elbow over and draws a little circle with his finger just above the crook of it. “A little black leaf with light green veins. Because, you know, you like plants, and you have all your defense mechanisms on the outside but for me usually now you’re really bright and relaxed, and. I just think it would be cute.”

A tattoo for Taemin.

All of this information suddenly registers to Taemin all at once, and the way his body decides to react to it is by blushing violently and sliding out of his chair to sit on the floor under the table.

Jonghyun wants to get a little symbol to represent Taemin inked into his skin. He wants it there to look at and to smile at and to think about and to show off to everyone. He wants it there permanently, always, so it never goes away, even after he’s gone and in the ground. Future alien archaeologists will dig up his grave and analyze it and find evidence of the tattoo that stood for how much he loved Taemin and--

“Fuck,” Taemin whispers into his knees.

“Tae?” Jonghyun says genty. Taemin doesn’t look up, but he can tell from the direction of Jonghyun’s voice that he’s sat himself on the floor under the table with him. He appreciates that. “Are you emotional because I, your boyfriend of, like, sixteen years, wants a little ink leaf to remember you by?”

“Yeah,” Taemin squeaks. That is exactly it. What the fuck. Jonghyun laughs softly and Taemin hears him shuffling more forward until little hands appear on his knees. Jonghyun paps his knees gently, rests his chin on one.

“So is that a yes?” he asks.

Taemin nods with the tiniest noise of confirmation and feels his whole body getting warmer as he does so.

5 Jonghyun taps his fingers on the underside of the desk as the front door opens and a few bikers come in. He’s twenty-five and far too used to them all to still be getting excited like this, but he can’t help what he can’t help. Hearing all of their bikes rumbling from down the road still makes him shiver sometimes.

It’s around half the group today that parks in the front lot and it’s three that come inside. One of those three is Taemin and Jonghyun fights himself to smile at Jinki when he comes to the front counter instead. He is a professional adult working his very important professional job and he can’t make eyes at his boyfriend just because he’s shown up after two months of being away.

“Hi Jinki,” he says, shaking his excited hands out one last time under the desk before he lifts them to rest on top of it instead. “Welcome back,” he says. He glances at Kyuhyun on Jinki’s left with a little smile to greet him too, and then glances considerably longer at Taemin on Jinki’s right with a considerably larger smile. Taemin holds his gaze, eyes dark and quiet and warm, before Jonghyun makes himself look back to the leader of the gang.

“Thanks,” Jinki hums. He leans one arm on Jonghyun’s counter in a way that looks casually comfortable but Jonghyun knows is actually sleepy. They must have gotten up early this morning. “Three rooms, this time,” Jinki says, reaching in his jacket pocket for his wallet. “And six bikes.” He jerks his head backwards to indicate the little jumble of motorcycles in the parking lot waiting for their garage passes. Jonghyun notes Taemin glancing back out there as well as he nods.

“Mmhmm,” he hums. He scoots a step over to the computer and starts tapping in the normal information for Jinki’s name. “Do you have any preferences for the rooms?” he asks. They’re mostly empty today. Jinki shrugs, shaking his head, but Kyuhyun nods and leans up on the counter next to him.

“Yeah, can I get one in the back by the trees?” he asks. “I’m tired of Changmin whining about the sun,” he grumbles. Jonghyun snorts.

“Sure,” he says, tabbing over to one of the back corner rooms. In the corner of his eye, he catches a sleepy biker babe kind of shuffling to the side. He glances at Taemin as he’s reaching under the counter to grab the three sets of keys. He has his forearm casually on the counter as he slides down it, towards the wall, towards the gap between the two. When Jonghyun hands the keys over and starts entering in the parking information, Taemin slowly steps behind the counter. He starts making his way back to Jonghyun, scooping a business card from a little stack in a blatantly obvious attempt to look like he’s not being sneaky.

Jonghyun grins to himself as he pulls six little placards from a drawer.

“Here you go,” he says, giving Jinki the keys and five of the passes. He sets the last one on the desk, patting it pleasantly as Taemin super casually slides right behind him and slips his arms around his waist. He sees Kyuhyun roll his eyes and Jinki smirk knowingly at Taemin over his shoulder and tries not to smile too wide. He’s really grown to love these public displays of affection Taemin gives him sometimes. He thinks it’s nice that they’re both more comfortable enough for shit like this.

“Thank you,” Jinki says pleasantly, taking both the keys and cards in one hand. With his other he hands Jonghyun his credit card and then props his chin in his hand as he waits. Jonghyun rests his right hand on top of Taemin’s on his stomach and uses his left to swipe Jinki’s card and take care of the money. He’s sure that no one will mind the extra few seconds it takes him to do things one-handed. And if anyone does, he’s sure that Taemin won’t mind taking a second from how he’s nuzzled into the back of Jonghyun’s neck to frown at them about it.

He finishes logging everything into the computer and smiles the customer service smile he’s been perfecting back at Jinki, handing his card back easily.

“Okay, thanks,” he says. “Enjoy your stay.”

“Mmhmm,” Jinki smiles. He glances at Taemin as he slots his wallet back into his pocket. “Dinner at that place you like in town later,” he says.

“Mmhmm,” Taemin hums back. Jonghyun feels him give a little nod behind him. He waves the other two off, watching them walk back outside to roll their bikes into the garage. Jonghyun assumes that since Taemin is here clinging to his back that he parked in an outside spot and is going to move his bike later. When the door closes behind Jinki, Jonghyun starts to turn in Taemin arms. Taemin’s hands on his waist guide him the rest of the way until he’s looking up at his babe, sleepy and quiet.

“Hi,” he says. He slides his hands up Taemin’s stomach to pap against his jacket. Taemin slides one hand up to Jonghyun’s chin, tiling his face up gently. His thumb rubs lightly over his lower lip, dark eyes intent on his mouth, before he leans down and kisses him.

Jonghyun melts into it easily, amused but not surprised at Taemin’s bluntness. He isn’t kissing hard, just deep, each breath a slow movement of his lips against Jonghyun’s. He holds Jonghyun’s face close with a hand on the side of his neck and his body close with a hand on his hip. Jonghyun likes it. A quiet voice at the back of his head nags about being seen like this by anyone but he knows that they have at least another minute before all of the bikers come inside. He can indulge himself in his boyfriend for a little bit if he wants to. And he can let Taemin indulge in him as the very first thing he does here in two months.

“Hi,” Taemin breathes when he finally pulls back. He rubs his thumb over Jonghyun’s cheek as Jonghyun’s eyes flutter open. Jonghyun licks his lips as he meets Taemin’s eyes. Taemin watches the movement, thumb sliding down to tap the corner of his mouth. “I had a dream about your lips this morning,” he says quietly. “I couldn’t stop thinking about them.”

“Oh,” Jonghyun says, and that’s all it takes. Just that one, simple, honest statement that has heat creeping up into his whole face. He hides his face in his hands, pressing close to lean into Taemin’s shoulder. Taemin dreamt about him. What the fuck. That’s so. Beautiful and wonderful. He’s gonna fucking implode.

“I made you blush,” Taemin says. His voice is a guilty little mumble as he wraps his arm fully around Jonghyun’s waist. “Sorry,” he says.

“Nnnn,” Jonghyun says. He shakes his head, leaning back and lowering his hands just enough so he can peep up at Taemin. “It’s not an anxiety blush,” he says. The furthest thing from it for once, honestly. “It’s a flattered blush. Don’t feel bad.” He knows Taemin has been really trying to be gentle with his anxiety lately now that he’s getting a better hold on it and he doesn’t want him to think that he’s fucked up. Taemin looks down at him, relief in the way his fingers curl into the hair at the nape of Jonghyun’s neck.

“So, like, a good blush?” he asks. Jonghyun smiles and nods, lowering his hands to give Taemin a quick little peck.

“Yeah,” he says. “It’s good.” Taemin hums shortly, kissing him again. He pulls back and rubs his knuckles lightly over the pink of Jonghyun’s cheeks.

“Good,” he says, and there’s a fond warmth in his voice that makes Jonghyun warm all over again. “You’re really cute when you blush,” he says.

“Oh my fucking god,” Jonghyun says. He buries his face in Taemin’s shoulder again, pink all the way down to his soul as his heart swells.

#jongtae #jonghyun #taemin #fluff #pg #biker au #good.... pure.... wholesome... lil blushies #taem embarrassing himself and jong exposing himself #and taem being so warm and good and sweet and jong being so cute and good and wonderful #and also Nut #also listen...... jong got Two Tattoos #i wrote this #then he got Two More #so i edited it #and then now he has Seven #and im not editing this anymore lmao #it is may 12 rn nd he will probly have like seven more by the time this posts #i lov his tats nd i lov how much he lovs them #he gets the base one and the she is one and the one on his side #and taem nuzzles him up and kissies the one behind his ear #and jong gets.... very.... blushie.... #taem also kissies the base one on his wrist and jong gets qeually blushie #taem kissies all of them #jong gets blushie every time #nd then taem Looks at the leaf and suddenly he cant handle looking at jongs tats anymore and blushies out of the room

[curly-q-reviews]

ROAD TO THE OSCAR MAYER WIENER AWARDS 2K19

Cold War (original title Zimna wojna), 2018 (dir. Pawel Pawlikowski)

Nominated for: Best Foreign Language Film, Best Director, Best Cinematography

TW SUICIDE MENTION

SPOILER WARNING IM GONNA GIVE AWAY THE ENDING IN THIS REVIEW DONT READ THIS SHIT IF U WANNA WATCH THIS MOVIE OK BYE LOVE U

well shit the oscars is only a week away!!!  and ive only seen like half of the movies i wanted to see!!!  how does this keep happening to me!!!!!!!!!!!

ok well no use crying over spilled milk im just gonna have to go on a massive movie-watching spree this week and try and consume as many films as possible, and in the meantime lets talk about the movie i saw last night.  this is probably the first year ive seen more than one movie in the foreign language film oscar category, mainly just because the foreign language films are typically harder to find unless a local movie theater happens to be playing them as part of an oscars season special event or something.  but now that two of our nominees this year have american distributors it makes watching them a lot easier. 

going into Cold War i had absolutely no idea what it was about except that its set in Poland during the, well, Cold War.  the trailers for this movie didnt really reveal much about the plot or characters, which honestly i kinda prefer with trailers.  sometimes they just give away waaaayyy too much and then whats the point of going to see the movie??  i did know beforehand that its a romance so i at least had that expectation.

and well yeah its a romance all right!!  its a very romeo and juliet star-crossed lovers kinda situation where a student who gets accepted into a state-run polish music academy becomes close with one of the instructors and they fall in love, however life circumstances keep pulling them away from each other over and over again.  the movie spans over a timeline of about a decade and a half, and in this time the two of them find other lovers, get married, travel from country to country, but always end up managing to find each other before theyre separated again by circumstances that usually involve the polish communist state.  so basically communism is a total cock block. 

acting in this movie is overall very solid with not really a weak link in the bunch, except for maybe tomasz kot who played wiktor cause he just felt a lil stiff to me.  however joanna kulig steals the fuckin show for me as zula, shes utterly captivating on screen and really takes advantage of all of the close-up shots of her face throughout this film.  it also helps that shes given a fantastic character to play in zula, shes a spitfire and strong-willed and will not take any mans bullshit but near the end of the film you do get to see her struggle as well.  the shit she has to put up with gets very harrowing at times and u do feel for her

and wiktor goes through his fair share of shitty situations as well, i mean damn he ends up in jail when he goes back to poland for zula and they mangle his hands so badly he’ll never be able to play piano again which was his livelihood.  its pretty tragic how these two people are just like little puppets for the communist state to toss around and play with to their hearts content until theyre both almost destroyed.  and really the whole underlying backdrop of communist poland is really what elevates this story from being just another romeo and juliet clone to something a little more profound. 

ill come back to the story in a bit cause there are a few things i took issue with but i wanna take a moment to praise the music in this film cause holy SHIT its so good.  im honestly really surprised it didnt get any music-related noms cause the music was probably my favorite part of Cold War.  the beginning is full of polish folk music with a full womens choir that sounds just delightful, and then we transition into classic jazz when our lovers end up in paris together in the early 1950′s, and then some american classic rock n’ roll music is thrown into the mix in a few scenes, and then at the end we have a performace thats like a weird polish version of mariachi music??  such a wide and complex musical palette that ebbs and flows with the story, and we also get to see performers doing their thing which is just the icing on the cake. 

so the movie sounds fantastic, and i mean i gotta say it looks fantastic too!  like Roma, Cold War is shot in black and white, which definitely fits the time period its set in and fits especially well with the jazz scenes.  we get a lot of close-up shots of peoples faces, but theyre balanced out well with wide shots that tend to put the focal points in the bottom third of the screen which i thought was an interesting touch.  gave it a very art house feel.  from what i could tell there were mostly still shots except for a few dance scenes, which kept the movie very grounded and kinda added a sense of realism.

so i think thats all the good shit i have to say and i wanna touch on the ending for the last part of this review, cause to be frank, this movie ended so abruptly it gave me whiplash.  i was going into this film expecting it to be like 2 hours long but the run time clocks in at just under an hour and thirty minutes.  usually this isnt a bad thing at all especially for quieter movies like this that take their time, but in this case it couldve used AT LEAST another ten to twenty minutes.  so wiktor is let out of prison early because his commie friend pulled some strings (probably due to zulas insistence) and we find out that zula has married this commie state official and had a kid with him.  and she now works as a performer (probably working for the state like she did when she was with the music academy) singing weird polish mariachi music.  shes clearly drunk off her ass when she sees that wiktor is out, runs to the bathroom to puke, and then he finds her in there and they decide to run away together again.  but its implied that this time its more of an uuhhh permanent escape.  like, PERMANENT permanent.  like no-longer-living permanent.  and this is the point of the movie where im like “oh god really theyre gonna keep THIS part of the romeo and juliet story they really think thats a good idea”

and then the next scene we see them going to an abandoned run-down church that was shown in the beginning of the movie, and they both have what looks like a shit ton of pills out in front of them.  they say wedding vows, then each take half of the giant pile of pills, and then go to watch the sunset.  and then thats where the movie ends.  it just like cuts to credits and thats it. 

idk man it just doesnt have the amount of emotional gravitas that i feel like a scene like that should have.  and it escalates so quickly too, like one minute theyre in a bathroom and the next theyre on a bus and the next theyre at the church with the pills in front of them.  its hard to explain how abrupt it all felt watching it, u have to see it for urself to get what i mean.  the pacing was just really off in the last third of this film, and with the severity of the act theyre committing u’d think the director would wanna spend more time on it.

so other than that i’d say if u like foreign films and good period pieces this is one to check out, i’d give it like a 7/10.  if anything go see it just to listen to the music cause good god its so gorgeous im gettin my hands on this soundtrack. 

OK Y’ALL i got lots of reviewing to do in the next few days so u’ll be seeing a log of long-ass posts from me soon!  i think The Favorite is on amazon video now so ill watch that for sure sometime this week, and then god knows what else i’ll watch i’ll just have to play it by ear.  have a relaxing fun and fresh sunday y’all try not to let the idea of having to go to school/work tomorrow fill u with too much existential dread  ;)

#curly q reviews #oscars #oscars 2019 #academy awards #road to the oscar mayer weiner awards 2k19 #cold war #foreign films #polish films #romance #communism #cold war 2018 #romeo and juliet #tomasz kot #joanna kulig #pawel pawlikowski