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minahoeshi · 3 years

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you were loved the most of all.

Ushijima Wakatoshi x reader | break-up angst

summary: You should've known that when Ushijima Wakatoshi found it easy to fall in love with you, it might be even easier for him to fall out of it. But who expects the worst when it comes to loving someone as seemingly perfect as him, anyway?

Chapter 1 of 2

Chapter 2 of 2

He said it was easy to fall in love with you. He said he didn’t know when exactly, at which place, nor for what reason. Simply one day, Ushijima Wakatoshi found himself looking at you with the epiphany that maybe there’s something more meant to happen between you and him. There you stood before him that day, the person he could promise love to. (And there he stood before you that moment, the boy whose promises you found yourself believing in no matter what.)

So maybe that’s why it was even easier for him to fall out of love. When he told you he was no longer in love with you, it didn’t matter to you to ask when exactly, at which place, or for what reason. Even the universe itself is meant to fizzle out one day along with the death of the stars. Just one more person drifting away from you like a lone planet with no real orbit shouldn’t leave you broken. You are used to this. You won’t fall apart.

But you break anyway.

It was snowing outside when he decided to tell you to end things now before it hurts both of you even further. Not that the snow has anything to do with the coldness creeping up your chest threatening to spill out of you in endless sobs. You were glad, though. That at the very least, he remained honest with his feelings. He never left you guessing. Every time, he never forgets to tell you what’s on his mind. His honesty is something he thought was necessary.

“I understand, don’t worry. Thank you for telling me right away. I know you’re also considering me–” you tell him and choke up. There are tears running down your face but you’re not worried about that. Wakatoshi never let you mask your emotions around him. For the longest time, he reminded you to feel free to be completely bare with him. All the good and the bad, he said. Don’t be afraid to show them to me. I will always understand.

He steps closer and puts you between his arms. You feel his chin on top of your head as you lean your face into his chest. You’re sobbing now. “I’ll be fine, Toshi. We’ll be fine.”

He kisses the top of your head and lets you stay in his arms for minutes. “I loved you then, and I love you still. It’s just that they’re no longer the same kind. I will stay if you ask me to, okay? Anything you want.”

This only makes you cry harder. He’s always been too good. And even in breaking your heart, he’s too good. You want him to hold on. You want to ask him to stay with you for years and years. Even with a different kind of love, you’ll let him be as long he’s close by. But someone like him who has dreams beyond yourself shouldn’t ever be with someone like you who still lacks certainty toward anything.

“Just for tonight,” you ask, still crying. “Can I stay?”

“of course,” he replies. Anytime you want. Anything you want. It has always been this way.

Because humans are creatures of routines and familiarity, you spend that night the way you usually do when you’re at his place. You cook dinner with him and eat on the dining table, sharing stories and laughter. You keep adding food to his plate and he smiles as you giggle at everything you find funny.

It’s okay, it’s okay. You’ll be okay. You’ll be fine.

You clean the kitchen and stay in the living room. He leans on the couch as you lay down with your head on his lap. You keep talking and laughing. He goes along, sometimes adding things to make you laugh even more, sometimes simply agreeing, sometimes asking questions. You keep it loud and light, afraid of the silence. Inside you, it’s so heavy, your heart might just fall off. This will be the last, you tell yourself. You want to be happy for now. While he’s still here.

"Do me a favor, okay?" You tell him as you're nearing slumber. "Let me leave first tomorrow. Maybe stay in bed, maybe pretend you're asleep. But tomorrow, don't get out of the room until I've left the house." Your voice shakes, feeling yourself wanting to sob.

"I don't want to wake up to another empty bed but I don't want to see your face when I wake up too," you curl into him even further. "I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry I still don't really know what to do. And I know you wake up pretty early and you know, do stuff, but just for tomorrow, please?"

Wakatoshi didn't really understand why. He originally planned on cooking breakfast for you and taking you to the train station. He would watch you board the train and he'd make sure to smile at you as he waves. You always waved back. That's how it works. Even after fights, and even after especially bad nights, you'd still do the same. Watching you leave with a smile was how you both knew you'd still be fine the days after. That nothing much can affect your relationship. For years, this has been the routine.

But tomorrow, he knows he has to give way. He knows what he said hurt you. It would be wrong of him to do what he wants simply because he's used to.

Tomorrow's the last, he realises. And then if you want, he'd never see you again.

You wake up pretty early. The sky is a calm shade of blue, the world outside still waking up. You check the time on your phone and find it's 6 AM. Last night, you slept with your back on him. The sight before you is the other end of his bedroom and you notice just how much of yourself you've managed to leave around his place. Pieces of just one other person in his life, scattered in places around his world pretending that’s just where they belong. You didn't mind leaving things behind back then. You never really thought of the day that you might’ve to take back all of them. Just how does one pick up parts of themselves when they thought they’ve finally found a place for them to stay?

But as you stand up, you conclude that when things end, traces shouldn’t be left behind. He didn’t decide to break up only to be reminded of you even after you’re no longer close to him. So you go and pick every little thing that's yours. Even your jacket and sweaters and a few pairs pyjamas in his closet. You'll just take his things from your place too and hand it to Tendou's shop. Coming back here won’t do you any good. Him coming to your place instead wouldn’t either.

Collecting all your things, even the ones you can't use anymore, you leave the bedroom and enter the living room. You don't have many belongings here aside from some DVDs and books. You only take the books and leave the rest for him. You've always preferred reading anyway.

Setting your bag and things aside on the sofa, you go ahead and wash yourself in the bathroom and bring your toothbrush and some other products with you when you're done. You then head to the kitchen to cook him something light to eat for breakfast . You knew you didn't have to. He knows how to cook. It has always been him cooking breakfast for you. When you could, you’d rather stay in bed until the very moment you must start preparing to go to uni or work. But you did anyway. He's probably in his bed, awake. He has never been a heavy sleeper. With all the moving you did around his room, he was bound to wake up if he wasn't already.

You make him a simple omelette and write a small message on top of it with ketchup. "Good luck with practice today!"

You've already cleaned everything you used, preferring to wash and set utensils as soon as you're done with them. That way, when you're sitting down to eat, there won't be any cluster around to distract you.

You put the ketchup down and decide that should be enough. You'll stop here. You should go now.

Ushijima is sitting on his bed. He's been awake since 5 AM when he usually goes on his run. It isn't the first time he chose to stay with you instead of going out, but he can't help but feel heavy this time. He stayed in for you. But as the minutes pass by, it seems that he simply cannot find the courage to sit up and face you.

He wants to sink into his bed.

There's knock on the door followed by sentences uttered softly. "Toshi, I'm going now. There's breakfast on the table. Make sure to eat before you go."

There goes the heavy feeling again. Maybe if this keeps up, he might just actually sink and never get back up.

You've done that a few times. Leaving while he's still in the room. You don't even open the door. You simply knock and tell him you're about to go, always reminding him to eat before he goes too.

But this will be the last, he thinks. If you leave now, will he never see you again?

a/n

chapter 2 will be up soon not rly sure when tho. (it's up now the link is at the top)

also, im not entirely sure but i think i didnt use any pronouns or gendered nouns for this except "girl" in the 1st paragraph which i erased just now? if i'm right, then i hope everyone reading this get to feel as though theyre rly the person in the story. unless ofc u dont want that bc this isnt the happiest ushitoshi x reader fic u can find🥲. but thanks for reading!!!! m so sorry for typos nd other errors as well. i kinda cant read my own writings bc sometimes doing so makes me wanna smack myself in the head and never write again nd i hate that so now im leaving my mistakes to the gods nd hope they love me enough or smth. but yes thank u sm again for reading!!!!

#ushijima x reader #ushijima scenarios #ushijima angst #ushijima fanfic #ushijima reader insert #ushijima x y/n #ushijima wakatoshi

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slytherinspired · 3 years

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Better Days - A Sirius Black Imagine

Hi! :) There you go! I am sorry about the end, I really couldn't help it, I hope you'll forgive me!

For any pending requests, I am very sorry about the delay. As it turns out, my job is taking a lot of my time. When I started this blog, I was still a Uni student, avoiding her studies and essays by writing her fantasy world - but now you know... Adult life is in the way. But I still do want to write and always will be. Just a little less often...

Masterlist

'Stella!' you mumble under your breath.

You know very well that begging the child to stop running around is futile, but you can't help but scold her. She is no longer a fragile little being that you were once afraid to break with your simple touch. Now this same little person babbles, knows how to walk, and takes great pleasure in knocking all the objects that are in her path, as if every time she'd expect something else than those objects falling to the ground in a disturbing crash. You close the book you are trying to study and take a good look at her. It takes your breath away every time. The little dark curls around her head and her piercing grey eyes, the smirk on her face when she's goofing around. Her warm laugh... It takes all the negative away.

But your tone was too harsh when you said her name out loud and now the child's lips are starting to quiver. You shake your head, preparing to face the tears as as the shrill cry of your daughter leaves its way to your ears. You feel like you're about to cry as well when the front door of your little flat opens. Through the doorway you see Sirius, putting his helmet on the floor, and an innocent smile spreads across his lips. He whispers something, but you can't hear him through the incessant crying of Stella. He tiptoes to you both and takes the child away from you. Taken aback, her crying suddenly stops and a big smile takes shape on her little red face.

'What happened there, bunny?' he asks with a soft voice as he wipes the tears away from her delicate face.

You shrug and sigh.

'I wouldn't let her play with the fish food.'

Sirius snorts.

'Oh,' he laughs while looking at his daughter. 'I didn't know Stella was a fish, are you a fishy, Stella?' He starts to tickle her. 'Are you a fish?'

The child laughs warmly. He scoops over and presses his lips on yours. You feel relieved. You don't even have to ask him; he's already putting the child in her high chair while he goes in the kitchen to prepare her tea.

'What's on the menu, bunny?' he shouts while he rumbles in the little fridge. 'Carrots?' He shakes his head. 'Nah.'

Stella looks at him, completely fascinated.

'Oh! Chicken and peas!' he exclaims, holding a little pot of a questionable colour. He stares at the pot for a coupe of seconds.

'Definitely not,' he says.

'No,' you repeat, laughing.

'HA!' Sirius shows another little pot in his hand. 'I feel like it is a sweet potato kind of night, wouldn't you say bunny?' He flicks his wand and the little pot flies to Stella while a floating spoon flies from the jar quietly towards the child.

'How was your day?' he asks as he walks to her.

'I never thought that studying to be a healer would be easy,' you reply, looking at the many books resting on the side table, 'but with this little monster, it's impossible to retain any information.'

Sirius replaces a strand of your hair behind your ear.

'I know, love. I'm sorry it has to be like that.'

You lean your head on his chest as he plays in your hair a little bit.

'Is it good, my love?' he asks Stella as she's having a fight with the floating spoon. She looks at you both and smiles proudly. Sirius snorts.

'Even with puree all over her face she's the cutest.'

'Isn't she?' you reply. 'That's what makes it hard. I can't be angry at her for too long.'

'I'm probably biased,' he says, 'but I really do think she's the prettiest baby in the whole world.'

'Totally not biased,' you reply, closing your eyes.

You feel yourself drifting from reality. You're so tired you could just sleep there and forget about the whole world. Sirius' presence is enough to reassure you that everything is going to be okay. Your eyelids are heavy now.

'Mama,' says a voice afar.

But you're too tired to get up. Sirius is going to take care of her, that was the deal. He said that you would have your nights to recharge a little bit. But he doesn't get up.

'Mama!'

Now the child is crying again. You feel gradually woken up from your sleep, reality is slowly catching up with you. Something tells you you don't want to wake up, you want to stay like this forever, in Sirius' embrace. Stella is screaming at the top of her lungs and you wake up suddenly.

'Sirius, why are you not -' you stop mid-sentence.

You're alone with Stella. For a moment, you're looking for him, where has he gone? But it slowly comes back to you. Every time you wake up, you have to cope again.

Sirius isn't here. He doesn't know he has a daughter.

Sirius is in Azkaban.

Sirius is a killer.

And Stella only knows to call your name.

#hogwarts #slytherin #marauders #sirius black #young sirius black #sirius black imagine #sirius black x reader #harry potter #remus lupin #sirius x you #sirius x reader #young sirius x reader #young sirius imagine #sirius black fanfiction #marauders fanfiction #sirius black oneshot #harry potter fanfiction

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kamosweasley · 3 years

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I don't want to talk - Part II (George Weasley x Reader)

Description : To read the first part and third part.

Word count : 3.7K

Warning : mention of cheating, angst

It’s been two weeks since George kicked you out. These words may sound too violent for what happened but you really feel like he kicked you out of where you found a home. It's not so much about the apartment, it's above all living with him, being surrounded by his love every day. As cliché as it sounds, you've never felt better than in his arms, and knowing you may never be able to find your way there again makes you feel terrible.

A part of you tells yourself you deserve this punishment and a part tells yourself it’s ridiculous to lose everything (including the person who matters most to you) because you love two people. You mean, okay it’s not common to be in love with two people at the same time but you can't help it, and it hasn't changed your love for George. So losing him would destroy you, because you still love him like a fool and you don't know if you will ever be able to draw a line under the life you had imagined for the two of you. But there's still hope, George sent you an owl to tell you that he wanted to see you tonight after work. He asked you to arrive a little before the store closes so he wouldn't have to wait for you. The tone of the letter was far from warm or enthusiastic but it suits you, you didn't expect him to forgive you so quickly and you will have the opportunity to see him again and discuss all this with him. You're terrified but also full of hope, if he wants to talk to you that means he doesn't just want to leave you and forget everything, right ?

So here you are, in front of Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes, the heart at the edge of the explosion. You were so scared to be late that you arrived an hour early, leaving you looking at the window with undisguised anxiety. You keep nipping your lower lip, your hands are sweaty and you keep fiddling with the ring that George gave you a few years ago. It was to celebrate your coming out of Hogwarts and getting your NEWT's at the same time. He was so happy to offer it to you, even though you had only been together for a little more than a year, he already wanted to offer you everything he could. He gave you so many products from his store, you almost got all the new products just a few days before they went on sale. It was important for him to share this with you and it made you happy he shares with you this passion he has made as his job. By the way, you must have forgotten it in the apartment, you didn't think to take them with you. You should have.

The door opens with the sound of a bell, suddenly taking you out of your thoughts and making you jump. It’s George, with a cold gaze and an annoyed look on his face.

-What are you doing here ? You were supposed to arrive later.

-I was afraid I was going to be late, so I didn't really pay attention to my advance. Sorry about that.

-Come in, you're going to scare the customers by staring at the storefront like that. You look like a psycho.

He moves to let you pass. You enter timidly and you immediately have the feeling of entering hostile territory. Maybe it's because Fred looks at you badly as soon as he sees you come in, making you want to disappear. You've never experienced hostility with twins, it's always been the other way around, even more so when you were the girlfriend of one and the sister-in-law of the other. It’s funny that Fred always acted as if you were a married couple. He was the only one to call you Mrs Weasley, saying it should motivate his brother to ask you. Today you doubt he calls you by his last name as he used to. After all, you break his brother’s heart, you doesn’t deserve any sweet nickname.

-Since you're here, all you have to do is help us organize the shelves, you know how it works.

-Okay, what do you want me to start with ?

-I think there are almost no more love potions on the shelf, there's a whole box of them in the reserve.

He hasn't even glanced at you, already on his way to see a customer. You’re going to get that box when Fred passes close to you, saying the air of nothing that you do not need to steal one of them. You immediately understand what he is implying and you want to tell him to fuck off, that it’s none of his business. But you don't have the courage to argue with Fred when you came to try to patch things up with George. That would be counterproductive and you can't blame Fred for being upset with you.

A few minutes later, you put the bottles on their display, being on your guard. You know Fred well enough to know it's not impossible that he might play a bad joke on you to avenge his brother in his own way. It might even be an opportunity to demonstrate a product to customers, unless you're getting paranoid. You’re just so tired of all of this …

-Hello Y/N.

-Luna ! You surprised me.

-I’m sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. You came to see George ?

-Yes.

-Great, I’m happy to see you both. It's been a long time since I've seen him, and so have you. I haven't heard from you in two weeks. Were you sick ?

It's weird to see her again since the argument with George. Curiously you don't have that odd feeling like all the other times, you just want her to go away before George sees you together. It would probably make him mad, he might imagine you asked Luna to come or she came to try to stop you from talking to him. You have no idea what might be going on in his head but you refuse to waste your chance.

-Kind of. You should go before you get sick too.

-Luna, what a pleasure to see you !

You stiffen at the sound of his voice behind your back, suddenly so warm that his sentence sounds sincere. But he's angry with Luna even though he doesn't let it show. He knows it's ridiculous because it's Luna, she didn't do anything to make Y/N fall in love with her again and she may not even know about it. But he resents her because she took a part of the heart he desires entirely, just for him.

-Hello George. I was telling Y/N that it's been a long time since I've seen you. It's a bit sad, you're good friends and we see so little of each other.

-But you have seen Y/N a lot in the last few months.

-True, but not for the last two weeks. It was as if she had disappeared, I thought she finally asked you to marry her and the two of you have stayed together ever since. It could have been a secret wedding, I think that's your type. But she told me she was sick.

-What ? Ask me to marry her ? Why would she do that?

-Luna !

-Sorry, I thought you talked about it with him.

-You wanted to ask me to marry you?

-I don't think it matters now.

-I'm sorry I embarrassed you, Rolf tells me I should be more subtle when talking to people.

-Who is Rolf ?

-She didn’t tell you ? Rolf is my fiancé, he’s a magizoologist like me. We met at work, he is adorable and very nice. I'm sure he's going to love your products, I came to buy some for him. He's going back to England in a few days.

George feels lost, he had no idea Luna had gotten engaged. If he had known, maybe he wouldn't have been so angry with you, because he wouldn't have thought Luna could dump her fiancé to get back together with you while you were in a relationship. He knows Luna well enough to know she is not that kind of woman, no matter how she feels about you she would have pushed you away and told you to stay with him. She has always been so nice and fair while he feels terribly selfish.

-Congratulations, I had no idea. It's wonderful news, you have ... have you picked a date yet ?

-Yes, we will soon send out the invitations, you will receive one of course. It will be this summer, dad is very keen on it. Don't hesitate to come in yellow, it will make him happy.

-I take note.

-I'm going to go pay, it's closing soon. It was nice to see you again, feel free to visit me anytime.

The blonde goes to the cashier after a smile. You've never felt so embarrassed in front of George, it was the weirdest conversation and you don't know what effect it had on him.

-Why didn’t you tell me she’s engaged ?

-What difference would it have made ? You said that no matter what happened between her and me, the problem is I had feelings for her again.

-Luna would never cheat on someone, least of all her fiancé.

-So you trust Luna more than you trust me. Great …

-You're not going to get offended when it's all your fault in this story !

-George ! Calm down, the store is not closed yet.

He almost screamed while there were a dozen customers in the store, most of them looking at you waiting for the next part. Can this day get any worse ? It hasn't even been 10 minutes since you walked in and it's only getting worse.At this rate George won't even want to talk to you anymore and you'll have to say goodbye to him forever before the store closes. Resuming his professional appearance, he clears his throat to regain his composure and walks away without a word. Then you go back to what you were doing before Luna arrived, putting the small bottles carefully. You feel tense, it seems like there's not much missing for you to break down and either burst into tears or go crazy. It's like being in the middle of a nightmare, you would give anything to make it stop and wake up in bed with George's arms around you and his breath on your neck.

Lost in your thoughts and anxiety, the closing finally arrives and Fred leaves the store for the apartment above, not without giving you yet another bad look before winking at his brother. Here we are, and you just want to run away.

George comes to you, always with his mask of indifference on. It’s only a facade, you know him by heart and in truth he tries not to show he’s in pain. You're both in pain but you're the only one to show it, that's the game. All means are good to make him understand this separation hurts you and you miss him. You’re sitting on a step of the stairs leading to the second floor, with desperate eyes looking at the ground like a punished child. It's not going to be a piece of cake, he's probably going to say some hurtful words, but everything has to be said and heard.

-What about the proposal ? Were you really going to ask me ?

-I really thought about it, I never lied when I said that I love you and you are the man I want to make my life with.

He says nothing, assimilating this information with difficulty. He's still hurt and angry about what you did, but he feels it's not as he imagined it would be. He thought the moment he threw you out, you had gone to join Luna and since then you had been consoling yourself in her arms. He doesn't doubt your love for him, he saw how you were that night, but he thought you would move on with time, with Luna. He imagined himself learning that you were moving in with her, and the day you were going to get married. It destroyed him from the inside, this image, this perfect happiness that you would live with her when it should have been with him.

-You are the most important person to me, since we have been together for so long, I told myself that I could be the first one to make the proposal.

-Sounds ridiculous …

-You know that I want your kids. We already talked of this, I want 4 children and you, 5.

-Stop it. I know all of this too, but we can't talk of our future anymore. I'm not sure of our couple anymore.

-I understand. But you asked me to come here to talk. I'm trying to make you understand I don't want a future without you. Isn't what I'm supposed to do?

He remains silent, staring at the display of love potions. He stands up straight with his hands in his pockets and again you can't read him. You hate it, feeling like he's already so far away from you when the breakup isn't official yet. You're afraid he won't want you anymore and say it out loud, that he'll move on and make his life with another girl. He would have the right, nothing obliges him to stay with you, but how could you survive it ? He's the love of your life, it's the only thing that's been going round and round in your head for the last two weeks. It's him and nobody else, Luna is nothing compared to him. The tall man sighs and raises his head to the ceiling, you can see that he is chewing on the inside of his cheek. This is not a good sign.

-You understand it changes nothing for us.

-Not even a little ?

-I don't think so.

-Why ? It must change something. We both want to marry each other, we want a home and a family to build together. I told you more than I can remember that I am sorry and I choose you for ever and ever. Why isn't it enough ?

-You're going to get angry now ?

-I do, because I don't understand ! I understand you need time and you're mad about me and you have all right. But I didn't do anything to get her, not a kiss, not a look, not even a word. I never wanted to do anything with her, I was lost in my feelings and you … you say you will never need me again. How I'm supposed not to be angry ?

Tears fill up your eyes, it's kind of unfair of you to put a blame on him for his choice but you can't handle it. This man is yours since so many years, you've already imagined what your future would look like, to the kind of grandparents you would be. You want to live so many things with him, like traveling abroad, laughing at your children's mischief, celebrating your wedding anniversaries in so many different ways, just laughing every day of your life with this wonderful man. He can't take that away from you without you saying a word.

-Everybody makes mistakes, there is such a thing as forgiveness and you have to know how to forgive the people you love. I'm not saying this to make you feel obligated but because I want you to do it, because I still love you. Do you know that saying, "Love cannot be divided, it can only multiply" ? That's exactly right, I didn't take a part of my love for you to give to Luna. It's an old love that has woken up, it's something totally different. It's more like loving a friend very much or wanting the last broom, it’s unreasonable, foolish and not that strong as the way I love you.

-Is that supposed to make me want to take you back ?

-Shut up George ! I’m falling ! There is nothing I wouldn't do for you, and you heard Luna, I haven't spoken to her in two weeks ! I’m ready to do anything for you, to prove you my love !

-And you think that makes you respectable and forgivable ?

It's the most frustrating situation you've ever experienced, it's like talking to a wall. No matter what you say or what you do, he doesn't want to forgive you. This sudden realization makes you cry your eyes out. You refuse to give up your story, but it takes two to make one more, and George is sinking the ship. You don't know what's more powerful between despair and rage, but you're falling apart again. So it's really over ? He asked you to come here to finish you off like this ?

-George, I’m begging you … Don’t do this … Please, don’t leave me …

-I love you from the depths of my being, I was ready to give everything for you. But I can't give you my forgiveness, and above all I know I can't give you back my trust.

-But I don't understand ! I didn't cheat on you, I didn't do anything with her, she doesn't even know what happened ! I ignored her, I left you alone waiting for you to come back to me to talk and try to make things right because we love each other and this story doesn't change anything about OUR story !

-It changed something.

-No it doesn’t ! Maybe you’re afraid and you don’t trust me like before, and again I understand it and accept it. You’re hurt because you feel betrayed, you wanted to be the only one I love and unfortunately this is not the case but you still want me. In spite of everything you feel and what you told me, you still want me to become your wife and to raise a family together. You still want to offer me your newest products in advance and find me every night at the apartment. Because you know as well as I do that we are meant to be together. We survived Umbrage, we survived the war, I was always there when you needed me and you did the same. This love that unites us, it’s different from the one I have for Luna, it’s much more powerful and indestructible. We can break up if that's what you really want, but you know as well as I do that this love will never die. And you'll miss me every day of your life because I'll miss you too. I’ll love you forever, and I can’t do anything against that.

-You’re cruel. Do you really think I'm happy I have to break up with you ? I'm not because you are ... everything I've ever wanted. I've always felt lucky to have you, I was sure we would make it. I’ll love you forever too and that’s the problem ! I can't escape you while you are hurting me, you will make me suffer all my life because I will have to try to run away from you all my life !

-You don't have to run away. Especially if it means it will make you suffer for the rest of your life.

Neither of you has moved since the beginning, almost like statues with words. You are together on a path that separates into two other paths, and you don't agree on which one to take next. One is clearly a dead end while the other leaves more possibilities. But you can't force George to follow you, if he really wants to stop everything then you'll have to accept it. Even if it breaks both your hearts, you can't stop him from living his life the way he wants. You've already done enough harm, and his feelings will make him suffer for a long time if he chooses to break up, there's no need to add to it. But you're not ready to hear it so you try to save this love story that's falling apart.

-Why can't we at least try to work things out before we break up ?

-If I come back to you, I know I would forgive you and we would go back to the way things were, almost as if nothing had happened.

-And it would be a bad thing ?

-I talked it over with Fred, he told me not to be fooled and not to give you a second chance. He says I deserve better than a woman who can't love only me.

-Excuse me but we don't give a shit about what Fred thinks. He's your brother, your twin, your partner, but he's not the one living your life. You know me much better than he does, you know our history and you know if I'm honest or not.

-So why didn't you tell me about Luna ?

-See where that got us ? As soon as I realized, I was ashamed, and I knew it would lead nowhere because there is only you for me. She has never been an option, least of all when she is engaged and I was hoping we would be as soon. I know, it sounds cheesy and cliché but it's the truth. I just wanted to wait for it to go away.

-By continuing to see her every day ?

-What would you have thought if I had stopped everything suddenly ? And I really thought it was a kind of nostalgia for a time when it was simple and not painful. The more the days go by and the more I'm sure of it, I don't miss her as much as I miss you, her absence doesn't hurt as much as yours. It was stupid to go back to her like that, I know. I’m sorry George. For all of this, it’s my fault. I never meant to hurt you, but I did. And I can never apologize enough for that, I promised you I would never hurt you. I’m really sorry George.

These words ring true in George's heart, yet this is not the first time you have said these words and he already knows everything, even what you didn't say. All you've done is tell the truth you both know, and even if it hurts he can't deny it. This is the moment when he must choose between yes and no. This is the moment when no matter what his twin brother said to him, his heart beats reason. It’s true he has loved you for four years and he can’t see a future without you, that's a pretty good reason to give a second chance.

-Come on, let's go home.

-What ?

-Come quickly before I change my mind.

Without a word, you get up in a hurry and leave the store to let George close behind. You don't know what to expect, but this opening draws you like a beacon in the night. He lets you come home, which means he wants to try. You feel like you're living again, breathing is suddenly no longer painful, everything seems a little better and a little less sad.

-You’ll sleep on the couch.

-Okay.

-I promise you nothing.

-That’s fair.

-I hope it will work. It would hurt too much if it didn’t.

You walk side by side in the night, without holding hands as you used to do. It's strange but there's a glimmer of hope that's lit up for both of you. Maybe it’s not the end.

#george weasley #george weasley fic #george weasley imagine #george weasley x reader #george weasley angst

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imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl · 4 years

Text

Dangerous Love (Pt. 10 of 13)

Pairing: Bruce Wayne (Batman) X Harley Quinn's sister!Reader

Word count: 3K

Summary: You're Harley Quinn's sister, Havoc, one of the many villain's of Gotham. But you've been caught, and has been tortured constantly for an year in Belle Reve. But when your think your life can't be anything else than the nightmare you find yourself into, Bruce Wayne, the Batman, takes you in for a project. He has a program to rehabilitate villains, and you're his lab rat. But soon enough confusing feelings start getting in the way. You know falling for Bruce is stupid. But can you keep your heart under control?

<- Previous part (09)

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{Justice League - DC Masterlist}

Absence

The first week goes by terribly slow. The second is far worse. You're currently right in the middle of the third week since Bruce went to Washington to fight an alien invasion. And there's isn't much in the news yet. On the quick talk you had with Bruce, he told you they're doing their best to deal with the situation before the world starts freaking out. These aliens look like humans, but are far stronger. And Bruce is human. He has no superpower but his intelligence, and that's worrying you to death. You know how well he can deal with this, but it's different... Now that you love him, it's different. The very thought of losing him is suffocating, unbearable. You try your best not to think about it too much, but it's a paradox. How are you supposed to stop thinking about someone who's in your head 24/7?

During this time, Alfred has been a very good company. He doesn't speak much, but with time, you notice he feels a bit more comfortable being around you. He was probably one of the many people to try and talk Bruce out of the idea of bringing you here. But you understand him. If you were in his place, you'd probably do the same.

“So, do you like me now?” You ask him, seated on the kitchen island, watching as he takes the lasagna out of the oven. You made it yourself. Alfred gave you Bruce's tablet, so you would have something to distract yourself. One of the things you started doing was cooking. You try a new recipe every day, and you think you're improving.

“I'm growing used to your presence, Miss Quinzel. And I must admit you're doing quite well considering... You know what.”

“Considering I was a criminal. Harley Quinn's sister. Sentenced to life in prison twice?” It's getting easier to talk about your old life. It doesn't mean you like it, but you don't feel so attached to it anymore. You feel like you can exist apart from it, evolve, have a different life.

“Yes.” Alfred nods.

“Did you try to make Bruce, not like me? You know... You must've noticed something.”

“The effect you had on Master Bruce was immediate.” He starts, cutting a piece of the lasagna for you and for himself. “He even thought about sending you back to Belle Reve in the beginning. Whatever that was, I thought it would vanish with time but it didn't.” He puts the plate before you, and you watch the smoke coming from it as you listen to Alfred. “I often caught him looking at nothing, daydreaming, thinking... And when I went to ask about it, the first subject was always you.”

You're blushing, biting back a smile. “How much... How much do you think he likes me, Alfred?” Lowering your voice, you look at him, who sighs.

“I think he loves you, miss Quinzel.”

“Love...” You mumble, wondering if that could be true. Guess only time will tell. And you hope you'll have time, that whichever species is threatening Earth will be defeated. “I'm scared, you know... Of what may happen.”

“Don't worry. Master Bruce always comes back.”

“That's good to know,” you whisper more to yourself than to Alfred.

The bright part of the day was that Alfred actually complimented your lasagna. And for a moment you were able to smile and forget your worries. But later, at night, you're staring at the TV, news channel on, looking for any signs of Bruce. Anything about the aliens that might mean something... But there's nothing.

“Perhaps he'll have time to call you tonight, Miss Quinzel,” Alfred says, trying to calm you down.

Bruce probably asked him to look after you, because Alfred is always around, distracting you when you're starting to overthink, or just asking if you're alright. It's kind really, but you would like it better if it was Bruce doing all of those things. “Maybe. But he's always in such a rush... I can't bear the idea of him getting hurt.”

“Master Bruce is–” The sudden change in the TV gets your attention, and you're both staring when the 'Breaking News' letters come to the screen, in bright red.

“Live from Washington. A giant being, not from Earth, just arrived. He came out of the ship that was hovering over the city and–” The woman speaks fast, and behind her, the city is up in flames. The camera moves away from her, focusing on some kind of human-like beast with gray skin and spikes coming off his body. The thing is kneeled on the ground, like a stone. “He just came out of the spaceship and destroyed a few buildings on his way. He stopped now, but the Justice League is already trying to take him down. Despite the efforts, the... Being doesn't seem to get hurt. It's just sitting there...”

Your heart is beating so loud you can't even hear the woman now. Stumbling up from the couch, you walk away from the living room until you can't hear the TV anymore.

“Miss Quinzel,” Alfred calls, and you sit on the stairs, both hands on your head.

You should be there. You've been to missions before. You could help. “Alfred, how do I get there?” You speak fast, standing up to your feet and going back to your room.

“Bruce wouldn't want you to go.”

“I don't care. I have to help him.” Being here, doing nothing as Bruce is out there fighting a freaking giant gray alien is stupid. “I know I'm only human, but–”

You're cut off by a ring coming from the tablet. It's Bruce. Running to get it from the nightstand, you breathe out relieved to see it's a video call. Sitting on the bed, you answer it. Seeing him brings a smile to your lips. He's wearing the Batman suit, but without the mask. “Bruce.” You put the tablet on the nightstand, using the lamp to support it because your hands are shaking a little.

“(Y/N). How are you?”

“I'm fine... How are you? A-are you alright?” Pulling your feet up, you hug your knees. He looks tired.

“I'm alright, don't worry about me, sweetheart.”

“How can I not worry about you? I saw it on the news, like two minutes ago... The huge gray monster, Bruce. I'm going there to help you.” You speak fast, already thinking about how you'd actually get there. A commercial flight isn't really an option, not for you.

“No, (Y/N). If you were here I'd lose focus.”

“I won't distract you, I promise. I want to help.” You beg because that's the least you can do after everything he did for you. And you'd be helping people too, after being a villain.

“If you were here I'd lose focus because I'll want to protect you. And that would become my priority.” Bruce lowers his voice, and Alfred leaves after mumbling something about giving you some privacy. “(Y/N), I need you to know that if anything happens to me, you won't go back to Belle Reve.”

“What?” What the hell does he mean by that? He can't say something like that... “No! Don't you even-don't you even... Bruce, I don't wanna hear it. You have to make it back.” You speak fast, tears in your eyes. You can't lose him just when things are just starting. This can't be the end.

“Please, (Y/N)–”

“No! I don't wanna hear it.” You yell.

“(Y/N), listen!” Bruce shouts too, his voice louder than yours. His sudden outburst shuts you up, but you're a mess, tears rolling down as you're forced to face the possibility of his death. “I will not let them put you back in that prison. So I made plans just in case...” He makes a pause. “You'd live with a friend of mine. Well, with his mother on a farm in Smallville. It's a beautiful place. You'd have a calm life, but I must ask you not to startle Martha too much.”

“I don't wanna go anywhere, Bruce,” you beg, drying off some tears. “I just want you to come back.”

“I know, my love. But I had to do this. I would never leave you unprotected.” He gets tense suddenly when an explosion happens. “And I will leave you my money. To you and Alfred. You'd have all the means to rebuild your life as you want. In the farm or somewhere else. Study, buy a nice house–”

“Screw your money, Bruce. I want you!”

Another explosion and someone calls him. “I have to go... Take care of yourself, (Y/N).”

“Please, be careful.” I love you. The sentence comes to the tip of your tongue again, but you hold it back. “Come back to me.” You're still speaking when the connection is cut.

You just stay here, paralyzed, looking at the screen where Bruce was seconds ago. He was there, so close yet so far...

Time starts passing by in a blur. You stopped watching TV because you don't want to know what's happening out there. If Bruce dies... Alfred will be the one to tell you. And whatever comes next, it won't matter. At first, you were angry, furious, certain that you'd leave the mansion and head back to your old lair, straight back into your old life. But as the days go by, and turn into weeks, you realize you can't do that. You can't undo what Bruce did like it was nothing. You know that, if the worst happens, you'd want to honor the memory of the man you love. So you'd go to the stupid farm, live the rest of your days remembering the days you spent here, the few kisses you shared.

Sometime in the numbness, you made your way down to the cave, where you started putting all your anger, fear, and desperation on a punching bag. It soon became a daily activity, and it didn't take long until the skin on your knuckles broke. Alfred taught you how to wrap a bandage around your fists to help with the impact, but even so, the blood soon started to soak the white fabric. Bruce will be happy to know that you didn't revert back to your old ways... If he ever has the chance to know.

Today, almost a month after your last video call, you're cleaning your knuckles carefully, gasping when the pain hits. The skin is basically gone, and it's a nightmare just to clench your fists. But it's the only way you can cope. Pain is the only way you know how to deal with everything you're feeling. And above all that, you're feeling dizzy, sore. It's so damn cold today, but you refuse to take a coat with you because you'll warm up as soon as start punching the bag. With one last look in the mirror, you leave the bathroom, taking the bandages and wrapping them around your hands. You hear low voices, chattering, coming from downstairs. Did Alfred invite someone? Nobody came here since Bruce left.

Bruce... You're going crazy because you swear to God you hear his voice among the others. “Get it together. Don't think too much.” You repeat to yourself the motto you made, saying it again and again for the last weeks. “Get it together.” But you hear it again, and low footsteps.

You're telling yourself not to do this, that it's probably just your mind playing tricks, but you're soon at the hall, the voices filling your ears as you walk fast to the stairs. You're halfway there when you see him, climbing the last steps. You stop on your tracks, too scared to be seeing a ghost, a hallucination. Impulse wins over fear, and you're running towards him, too scared to reach nothing. But your heart stops and you start crying when you reach flesh, and you immediately jump onto his arms, wrapping your legs around his waist. He's quick to hold you, sustaining your weight.

“Are you really here?” You mumble, your voice is weak and a little affected by the crying.

“I'm here. I'm back, sweetheart. It's over.”

You pull away just enough to kiss him, to make sure this is not a dream. You can feel your heart beating violently, and the kiss has to be brief because you're having a hard time catching your breath.

“Oh, my.” Someone says, and something gets your attention downstairs. When you look, you see the small group of people responsible for the chattering. The so-called Justice League. You jump down, suddenly noticing how you were clinging into Bruce.

“I didn't know you had company,” you mutter, fixing your hair. Bruce suddenly takes one of your hands, and then the other one.

“What's that?” He asks.

“I was on the verge of going mad so I befriended one of your punching bags.” As you speak, Bruce starts unwrapping the bandage, and you sigh because you didn't want him to see what's underneath.

“(Y/N).” He exclaims to see the wounds, the basically inexistent skin on your knuckles, and some blood already.

“I know, Bruce, I just... I didn't know what to do and... This is–” You're aware of the eight pairs of eyes on you. “You should give your friends some attention,” you whisper.

“Excuse me for a moment.” Bruce raises his voice before pulling you with him, back into the bedroom.

He's silent as he treats the wounds. It hurts like hell, so you bite your lip. The bandage he puts on is a different type, and then he wraps it all around your hand, and in between your fingers. He also applied some moisture to help the healing process. “Why did you do that?”

“Because that's the only way I know how to cope.” Bruce sits on the bed beside you, and you turn your body towards him. “I was... I was mad because I finally fell in love with someone and he could die, I...”

“Hey, let's not talk about it now, ok?” He brings his hand to your face, and you missed his touch so much. But there's a weird expression on his face, and his hand moves to your neck. “You're hot.”

“What?” You don't follow the sudden change.

“You have a fever.”

“Oh... Really? I didn't notice.” Well, you noticed the soreness and dizziness, and how your body has been weaker in the last two days.

Bruce goes to the bathroom again and comes back handing you a pill. “This will help lower your fever. Now come, let's get you a glass of water and introduce you to the League.”

He reaches out his hand and you take it. “Are you going to introduce me to them?”

“Of course.”

You take another route so you'll pass through the kitchen first. And then you make your way to the living room. Bruce is still holding your hand, and you're sure that won't go unnoticed. “Bruce, I think you should let go of my hand. They'll think we're together.” You whisper, forcing him to slow down his pace.

“They just saw us kissing. And you jumping in arms.” He stops, looking down at you.

“Oh... Sorry about that, I didn't know they were looking.”

“Do you think I'll hide our relationship?” Bruce furrows his eyebrows a little, his fingers caressing your chin.

“Won't you?” You was expecting that. You didn't think Bruce would ever let whatever is happening between you to get outside this mansion.

“Of course I won't.” He bends over to kiss you and you tiptoe to meet his lips halfway. “Now, come. They're excited to meet you.”

“Why would they be excited to meet me?” You mutter, shrugging your shoulders.

When you get to the living room, all eyes fall on you. Maybe they're curious to know the criminal Bruce sheltered. “(Y/N), these are Clark, Arthur, Diana, and Barry. Everyone, this is (Y/N) Quinzel.“ Bruce says, and you step forward to shake their hands.

“Hi,” you mumble, clearing your throat. “It's nice to meet you, guys. I've seen you on TV.”

“I've seen you on TV too,” Barry speaks up. “No offense.”

“None taken. Don't worry.” You assure him. “I made peace with my past.”

“So... You two, huh?” Arthur says with a smirk. He's holding a huge Trident, and you have no idea why he has this thing here with him.

“Bruce here couldn't stop talking about you," Diana says with a smile, and the others nod and giggle. They seem eager to embarrass Bruce somehow. But you're sure you're the one blushing because it's good to know that he was thinking about you as much as you were thinking about him.

“Age gap. Hot.” Arthur winks at you. Or at Bruce, you're not sure. And it only takes three words to make everyone a little uncomfortable.

“Arthur, would you shut up?” Diana gives him a hard stare.

“Can you talk to fish?” You ask him, trying to change the focus of the subject.

“In a way, yes.”

“That's cool. In an away.” Shrugging your shoulders and giving him a small smile, you exchange a glance with Bruce as the others giggle again.

“Sassy. We'll get along just fine.” Barry exclaims, high-fiving you.

“Well, you're welcome to stay as long as you want before you need to head back to you... Jurisdictions.” Bruce announces. “And as long as you don't say stupid things to my girlfriend.”

“He's talking to you, Arthur.” Clark comments.

“So you guys are officially dating?”

“Of course they are, Barry. Batman here couldn't seem to think about anything else than her during the whole mission.” Diana says in a sassy tone.

“Alright,” Bruce speaks up, sighing. “Make yourselves comfortable. Come, sweetheart.”

“It was nice to meet the girl who stole Batman's heart,” Arthur says as you start walking away with Bruce.

“Woman.” You correct him as you wave.

Bruce takes you upstairs again, and you can't help but smile like an idiot. You feel your cheeks warm, but you're not sure if it's the fever or if you're just blushing. Instead of stopping by your bedroom, Bruce keeps guiding you through the hall. Before you can say anything, he opens a door for you.

“I need a warm shower and attend to a few wounds. Thought you'd like to be around.” When you step in, you realize you've never been in his bedroom. It's huge. The bed seems to be twice the size of yours, and there's a lounge near a big window with a couch and a TV. “Make yourself comfortable.”

“Ok.” He places a soft kiss on your lips before heading to the bathroom. There's another door here, which probably leads to a closet. But you don't want to intrude, so you just seat on the edge of his bed.

After a few minutes though, you can't help but wander around a little, looking at his stuff. It kinda feels like Bruce is allowing you to get to know him better, to get closer... A while after you end up by his nightstand, taking a picture up to get a closer look. It's a child Bruce, with his parents.

“I see you already met Martha and Thomas Wayne.” His voice scares you and you put the picture down.

“Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing, (Y/N).” Bruce touches your arm, pulling you closer. You see a purple bruise on his neck, coming from his shoulder.

“You're hurt,” you say, pulling the collar of his shirt away so you can have a better look.

Bruce takes your hands in his, placing a kiss on the bandage wrapped around your knuckles. “I'm fine. Don't worry about me.”

“But–”

“Come here.” He pulls you towards the bed, sitting down, his back against the headboard. Taking a deep breath, you sit before him, but he keeps pulling you until your back is resting against his chest. “I fought a giant gray alien so I just want to sit here with you for a while.”

You smile to feel his arms around you, keeping you close, safe. You're very, very comfortable here, but you have to do something. So you move, turning around to face Bruce.

“What?”

“Sorry, but I have to kiss you.”

“Alright, but stop apologizing, ok? There's no reason to.” As he speaks, Bruce pulls you closer, a finger under your chin.

“Ok,” you mutter, smiling and slowly giving in into the kiss.

@fionanovasleftnut @glitterypinkkitty @mybabyboytony @chipster-21 @agustdpeach @yaakimoon2 @chloe-skywalker

#imagine bruce #bruce imagine #bruce x reader #bruce wayne #bruce wayne x you #bruce wayne x reader #imagine bruce wayne #bruce wayne imagine #ben affleck batman #batman x reader #imagine batman #batman imagine #bruce wayne fanfiction #batman fanfiction #justice league imagine

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artificialqueens · 3 years

Text

Gimme Love, 4/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Hey, guys! So I realised I forgot to explain the idea behind this story. This is part of a series I'm working on called 'Head in the Clouds' - stories that are inspired by the music of Joji. This story is loosely based off the music video for 'Gimme Love'. I couldn't make sense of the actual video cause it goes by so fast (if you watch it you'll see what I mean), but I kind of have an idea.

Thanks for listening to my TEDtalk.

Major Trigger warnings: Dementia, death, grief, homophobic slurs

-_-_-_-

2003

"Brianna, could you come here?"

I put my pen down on the kitchen table, not really minding that Grandpa was interrupting me. The studying was tiring, if anything.

Walking into his room, I found him getting up from his desk.

"Hey, Grandpa," I said.

"Brianna, do me a favour, baby. Could you read me this one chapter?" He asked, retreating to his bed.

Bit of an odd request for him. "Why? What's up?"

I picked it up, one of the many books that delved into the science and possibility of the existence of parallel universes.

"I'm just...finding it kind of hard to concentrate." He laughed to himself. He made a groaning sound as his back hit the bed.

I sat by him and read about 3 chapters before he said, "that'll do. Thanks, honey."

I got up and moved to the desk, briefly glancing at the front cover, at the main character with his telescope. Far off memories flashed in my brain. I put the book down, turning to face him.

"What are you smiling at, honey?" Grandpa asked, a smile appearing on his own face.

"I just...remember the night you told Jujubee and me about 'the other world'. We haven't stopped talking about it since." I admitted, putting the book back on his desk. "And we'd always play these games like we were there. Our lives would be so different. And just a little bit better."

"And then you found yourself wanting that in reality." Grandpa finished for me.

I was silent, but he knew he was right. "It's not that I didn't appreciate what I already had. It's just...whenever my anxiety was surfacing, or whenever someone was mean in school, or whenever I thought of my parents, I'd just...want to escape." I sat down in the chair next to his bed again, taking his hand in mine and squeezing it reassuringly. "Didn't you ever feel the same?"

Grandpa breathed out a sigh through his nose, his smiling widening. "Brie, of course, I have. All the games you and Juju played, it's called escapism. And it's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Wouldn't you ever try to find one?"

"Find what?"

"I don't know. A door? A gateway to the other world?"

He didn't even need to tell me 'yes.' He had spent many years reading the books, sometimes reading them more than once, making notes and coming up with his own theories. He probably felt the same way I did. In darker times, when things didn't feel like they'd get any better, he was curious about his other-self.

I knew the answer was yes. But I liked hearing him talk about these things.

"Baby, it's something I've always wanted to do. I always...wanted to know if it was possible...to slip into that other world, find this house, and just hope and pray my wife would still be on the other side of that door. I'd kiss her hand and bring her back here. And, life would be complete." He confessed. His smile was sweet but also sad, "But you know, with old age comes difficulties. My brain ain't what it used to be. Just all these words. Sometimes, they're...foreign to me."

This was the beginning of a long year. All the signs started out small, usually, Grandpa looking out the window wondering when his wife would come back from the store and losing the ability to read.

And over time, it slowly began to escalate, getting worse with each month. So bad to the point he'd take his seat belt off at a red light and try to get out. Or he'd shout at Mom, saying she's going the wrong way. Every piece of my Grandpa was slipping away.

And it was all taking a toll on my own happiness.

"You look pretty today." Jujubee commented as we walked through the hallway.

"If you say so." That was all I could reply with.

"No, really. Your hair looks really cute like that." She tried again.

I had no idea what she was talking about. I literally pinned two pieces from the front to the back of my head. It was a half-assed attempt of trying to convince everyone I gave a fuck anymore.

"Yeah, right, Juju. I look no better than I did yesterday. Or the day before. And the day before that.

Jujubee paused for a moment, whereas I continued on. "Are you OK?"

I turned to look at her. "Yeah." I lied. "Why wouldn't I be?"

I wasn't ready for this, Jujubee concerns. The truth was I never told her about my Grandpa because then she'd want to talk about it, then I'd cry, then I'd probably go home and have a breakdown, then I'd give Mom more shit to worry about.

Judging from her knit brows, she wasn't buying it. Before she could even ask anything else, I turned back around, just wanting to get on with things and get to my next class on time. But Trevor just had to be there. He knocked me hard on the shoulder, making me drop my books and almost fall to the ground.

He quickly spun around, watching me collect my books. "Man, who put that trash there?"

I glanced at him with a scorn.

"Hey, douchebag," Jujubee stepped in front of Trevor, "I can see you're a little butt-hurt now that your sex life is dryer than a nuns vagina."

My eyes were wide now, knowing that wouldn't sit well.

"What did you fucking say to me?" Trevor raised a brow.

"You heard." Jujubee said with such spite. "Why don't you go rub one out to your Mom or something? Stop projecting all your problems onto my girl?"

Trevor scoffed a laugh. "Your girl? What are you, a couple of dykes?"

My jaw was almost on the ground. I looked around, noting the students observing as they passed by. I couldn't let them know my secret. I couldn't.

"Why? Does that make us all the more interesting?" Jujubee squinted her eyes. "Honey, don't pretend the thought of us 'dykes’ making out doesn't make an insecure guy like you hard."

A sound emitted from my throat - A panicked sound. Like a yell, one that was dragging its way up my throat, fighting to get out. The attention of everyone around was on the situation, since when? I had only become aware now of the sounds of thrill and excitement. I was internally panicking. How many people were there? Were they even looking at me?

"Not in your wildest dreams, honey." Trevor practically spat the last word before deciding he was finished. He turned and walked away.

Jujubee approached me, rolling her eyes. "God, does he know when to quit?"

But I just stared at her, pretty sure I was trembling. My eyes were still wide, and my jaw stiff.

"Brie?" She blinked.

I could feel it, the lump in my throat beginning to form, like a hard stone that was lodged in place. Blinking a few times, I held the books tighter to my chest and turned to walk away.

"Brianna, what the fuck?" Jujubee came after me.

"Juju, just...leave me the fuck alone." My voice cracked as I quickened my pace.

She didn't follow me anymore. Thank fuck. Because next thing I knew, I was in a bathroom cubicle, quietly crying. I stupidly decided to not go to class. I say stupidly because, during the last period, Denali leaned over and told me she thought they suspended me. When I asked why she would even think that, she said the rumours spread fast, that I had punched Jujubee.

Oh, high school drama.

Of course, Jujubee didn't deserve this. She was only doing her friendly duty and looking out for me. But I didn't need any more shit from Trevor. I didn't want all those eyes on me as I walked the corridors. My home life was already too much.

I wanted to hold on to my Grandpa for as long as I could. But seeing his health dwindle, it felt like someone was coming to get him. And no matter how much I wanted to hold on, they were going to take him away no matter what.

Around 7 months in, his immune system was beginning to fail. He was bedridden.

I'd sit with him for at least an hour every day, either reading to him, feeding him, or just having a long talk. I had a tendency to write down at least one sentence from each conversation like it would provide me with some comfort, like he was still there. When in reality he was...he was...

"Why the sad face, baby?"

I snapped out of my trance, blinking a few times as I looked at him. "Nothing. Just thinking."

"What happened? Did someone break your heart?" He asked, following it up with a laugh.

I let myself smile. "No, thank God. I'm just sleepy. I had a long day at school."

"That's a shame. I was gonna suggest we break out the old telescope. I bet we'd find Cassiopeia if we tried hard enough."

My mouth formed a hard line, unsure of how to respond. As much as I wanted so badly to sit out in the garden with him, he wouldn't even be able to make it there.

"You sure you're OK, Brianna?" Grandpa asked.

"Yeah, I'm just thinking." I looked away, studying my nails instead.

"Well, if it's not a heartache, I bet someones caught your eye?" He asked with a smirk.

I couldn't help but allow the corners of my lips to curve up. "Yeah, actually."

"Oooh." He cooed. "And what are they like?"

I thought for a second, debating how I should answer. To be honest or not. If I lied, would it even make a difference?

Looking at his innocent face, I decided fuck it.

"Sweet. Beautiful. The bluest eyes I've ever seen." I paused. "She's an absolute angel."

Grandpa was silent momentarily. But just as the nerves were beginning to surface, he replied, "and does she know how you feel?"

"No."

"Well, why don't you let her know?"

I took a deep breath in. "Because...I don't know if she likes me back. I don't know if she even likes girls."

"All you can do is try."

"It's not that simple," I spoke quietly. "She's...popular. She's beautiful. She's...everything that I'm not."

My eyes drifted to my hands once again. If I cried, would it even matter? Wouldn't he forget?

"Don't say that about yourself, honey." He reached a hand out and put it on mine. "You don't actually believe that, do you?"

I lifted my gaze again, looking at him with glossy eyes. My silence spoke volumes.

"Oh, no, Brianna." He said with such disappointment. "I can't believe you feel that way. Ain't you ever stopped to look at yourself?"

"No," I whispered. "I can't stand it."

"You need to. Because you are prettier than you know." His own eyes were glistening now. "You may not believe me, but someday you're gonna meet someone who will show you."

I dabbed the inner corner of my eye, "You really think that?"

"I know."

"That means a lot." I smiled.

He gave one final pat to my hand and pulled it away. "Do me a favour, honey. Could you get me some juice?"

"Sure."

I stood up and left for the kitchen.

On my way, I passed through the hall, catching a glance at my reflection. Naturally, I would have disregarded it. But I stopped and stood in front of it. And I just looked.

I wasn't immediately satisfied. But upon taking my glasses off, my opinion changed. I learned pretty quickly my eyes were the best from my facial features.

I smiled. Best not. My frown was oddly alluring. I tried smiling again, this time with teeth. But the braces just ruined the mood.

Putting my glasses on again, I almost jumped out of my skin when I felt tiny paws tap my feet. Of course, it was just Piggie. I scooped him up and looked at both of us together.

"God has favourites, Piggie. Take a wild guess out of us two who it is." I looked at his face in the mirror.

He cocked his head, looking at his own reflection like he couldn't figure out what was going on.

I carried on to the kitchen with Piggie still in my arms, poured the juice and made my way back to Grandpa's room.

I pushed open the door with my foot.

Grandpa's head quickly shot up as I walked in.

"Sorry it took so long. I - -"

"Who are you??"

I froze on the spot. "It's me."

"Roberta! Roberta, there's somebody in the fucking house!!"

My brain went into panic mode. I set the juice to the side, put Piggie out into the hall and approached the bed.

He was continuously shouting, thrashing around in the bed as if to escape. I tried grabbing his hands, reassuring him it was me, his Grandchild. We had literally just been talking.

But he only roared over the sound of my voice, trying to fight my hands off him.

"Pop! It's OK!" Mom rushed into the room. "It's just Brianna!"

I took a step back, letting her take control. He stared at me with an intense level of fear. What did he think I was going to do? Who did he think I was?

"Brie, go to your room or something. I'll calm him down." Mom commanded with a crack in her voice.

With a wavered breath, I left. The sounds of his shouts, I couldn't bear it. I had to get away, even for a little bit. I needed out.

I hurried out the front door, stuffing my arms inside my jacket sleeves, and marched down the path. I didn't even look back at the colourful house. I just wandered. Wherever my feet were going to take me, I'd be fine.

In a sense, I felt cruel, like I was selfish. Despite wanting to be around my Grandpa for as long as possible, I couldn't stand moments like these. But you'd think dealing with this for so long would have toughened me up a bit.

Not even in the slightest.

There I was, marching down the street, trying hard not to have an episode. I tried to maintain my breathing, but the fast pace in my step didn't help. My hands were clammy, not that having them in my pockets helped.

Again, I had no idea where I was going. My eyes remained fixated on the ground. Therefore I was oblivious to the person hastily approaching.

"Brianna, Jesus!"

Jujubee now stood in front of me with her hand on my shoulder. I opened my mouth to speak, but she beat me to it.

"I said your name like 5 times, girl." Jujubee dropped her hand. Her eyes looked me up and down, "What happened? You're shaking."

I was?

"I…" I tucked a strand of hair behind my hair, "I need a cigarette or something."

Jujubee dragged me to the bus shelter, sat me down on the ground like we were still children, parking our behinds wherever the fuck we wanted.

Despite the feeling of anxiety burning my insides, I did spark up a cigarette, anything to shift my thoughts from the current state of my family. Just something normal.

"Girl, are you sure that's a good idea right now?" Jujubee was itching to snatch it from my hand and toss it.

Instead, I said, "Jujubee?"

"Yeah?"

Eyes still glued to the ground, I blinked, "This is it. He's dying."

Jujubee didn't even need to ask. She knew about his dementia for months now. I had no choice but to tell her. The stress from it all got too much, and I was becoming more and more irritable. It was unfair to put her through that. I had to tell her everything.

Jujubee shuffled closer, "What happened?"

I couldn't bring myself to even tell her. Words couldn't even begin to describe the feeling. That feeling of just grabbing him by the hand, and running away as far as possible, so this sickness would just leave us alone.

I blew out a long cloud of smoke, closing my eyes as I let my chest deflate.

There was something about this moment in time. 9PM, at the bus shelter, sitting on the cold ground, smoking a cigarette, Jujubee by my side, her hand now in mine. It didn't feel real. None of it did.

Yet this wasn't foreign to me - This bus stop was the same one from my childhood, that day when baby Blair and I hid from the rain. Funny how the younger version of myself thought I was protecting her from her abusive father.

As bad of a time it was, the thought was comforting in the current moment, sitting there with Blair. The only problem I faced those days was my emotional outbursts and the emotional toll they took on my Mom. Oh, how naive I was, completely unaware of how life could get any harder.

Only 3 weeks later, Grandpa was hospitalised, his immune system reaching its lowest point. I visited him every day after school. There were more moments of forgotten memory, but it made it less frightening with Mom by my side.

One day in particular, however, he seemed in better spirits. It was as if the old him was back, just for a few hours.

"I'm going to the soda machine. You want anything, baby?" Mom stood up from her chair, pulling her purse from her bag.

"I'm good." I gave her a gracious smile.

She nodded, taking another look at my Grandpa before she even moved to the door. I could see the reluctance behind her eyes. She did this every time she left the room, no matter where she was going.

My eyes followed her as she left. Grandpa spoke, "Now that she's gone, any update on that girl?" He asked. I looked back in surprise. How he had remembered that was mind-blowing. He continued, "we haven't had a one-to-one conversation in a long time, honey. Give me an update."

I breathed a sigh out, lifting my brows briefly. "Nothing has become of it, no."

"Go get her, kiddo. You've got nothing to lose."

I smiled sadly. Easier said than done, Grandpa.

He coughed. "Lord, I'd love a cigarette right about now. Do me a favour, though; please stop smoking."

I wasn't completely shocked. He had noticed on a few occasions that he was down a cigarette. "I will." I wasn't lying. But I wasn't making any promises either.

"Brianna?" Grandpa looked at me now.

"Yeah?" I put my feet up on his bed, leaning back in my chair.

"Promise me one thing?"

"Of course."

His eyes remained on me, and he smiled briefly. "Promise me that you'll find a way to the other world. Could you do that for me?"

I had to admit, It was a huge thing to ask of someone like me. It was terrible to say, but I couldn't help but feel this was sort of selfish. Yes, he was on the brink of death, but how could he expect me to be such a miracle worker.

Instead of protesting, however, I just said, "Sure."

Two days later, he passed away.

I didn't cry at all, vowing that I would remain strong for Mom. I had already had my turn at grieving my own parents. And she was by my side for all of that.

Now it was my turn to be there for her. Throughout the whole funeral, I had my arms wrapped around her shoulders, like she had done for me throughout the years. It was a strange feeling - being the one to take care of her for a change. Her head on my chest, hand squeezing mine, it was just so hard to accept.

I almost thought she was going to crumble when they lowered his casket into the ground.

As I said before, there are two types of people in this world; those who hate the sight of their Mother crying and fucking liars.

Because, even though she was my Mother, she was his little girl. And losing a parent is losing a huge part of your life.

Everyone was invited back to the house after the funeral in the hopes the togetherness would lighten the mood.

Of course, it didn't fix everything, but it did allow us some time to breathe.

"You OK, Brianna?" Aunt Monét asked as I handed her some tea.

"I'm fine." Obviously, that was a lie.

I really did think I was doing everyone a favour by putting up the strong front. Little did I know the toll this would take on my own emotional well being. That whenever Grandpa came up in conversation, I'd run. If only I had realised that sooner.

I was afraid of questions like Monét had asked. So school would be a nightmare. Thankfully I was granted 2 weeks off.

The first week I lay in bed, watching box sets of The X Files. Pretty sure I almost gave myself a bladder infection from just laying there too long.

The second week, I finally decided to stop lying around and be useful. Mom recommended I break out the telescope one night. So I invited Jujubee over. I warned her beforehand that she was not to ask me any concerning questions or treat me any different. Of course, she was different with me. But she didn't ask any questions. We just carried on, looking up at the stars through the telescope.

The same week, I also found myself sitting in his room, feeling his presence very much there with me. So I took to reading his books out loud in the hopes I could keep his spirit entertained.

However, I only became interested in the books myself. I read one book. Then another. And another. And another. Fiction and non-fiction. All based on parallel universes. I couldn't get enough of it.

And reading turned into studying - taking notes, hypothesising, questioning.

And then I got Jujubee interested. Just 4 weeks after beginning, it was more than just a hobby. It was a prospect.

-_-_-_-

2020

"Miss. Caldwell. Miss Caldwell, ma'am."

I snapped back to reality, embarrassed that I had even blacked out at all. You'd think I'd know there were more important things at stake, now that I was in the presence of the Secretary of Defence, at a meeting in the middle of an almost empty hangar. Everyone around me, my team included, were important people. I needed them to believe I was on the same level as they were.

"Yes, the atmosphere of the other world," I said, hoping he would think I was listening.

"We're beyond that point now, actually." The General pointed out, standing with his hands behind his back. I couldn't lie. I felt intimidated by him, what with the uniform and all.

I glanced at his black badge, which matched mine. Did that mean I was a general like him now? Were we even on the same level? 'Cause when I woke up that morning, I tripped over my own feet and almost hit my head off the ground. I couldn't be on this guy's level.

"I asked if this place would be big enough for the construction of the rocket." He asked.

I looked around at the wide space. Yeah, it was huge, but when it came to constructing a rocket, that was all beyond me. Sure, it would probably take a good 3 minutes to walk from one end to the other. But was it high enough? I had no idea what I could even say to this guy. "Yeah, it's good."

I hoped it would be good.

"Then it's yours." He gave a quick smile. It didn't make me feel any less intimidated. He began pointing out different sections of the place, a small lab in one corner, offices in another, along the left wall was a cafeteria, and 4 sets of surprisingly clean bathrooms.

All this space, it was mine. And only an hour after the meeting with the General, we were already shipping equipment over.

"This is wild. You could fit two concert halls in here." Jujubee slipped an arm around my shoulders, the pair of us watching as a truck pulled into the hangar, carrying more gear.

I blew a sigh of relief out through my mouth. "I just can't believe this is happening. Like, why me, of all people? When do good things ever happen like this? Like, didn't I always say 'why do bad things happen to good people?'"

Jujubee laughed, "girl, good things DO happen to you. You have a luxury apartment in New York, you're filthy rich, you're a celebrity." She playfully punched me in the arm.

"Well, you're not wrong." I shrugged.

"You deserve every bit of this." She turned to get a better look at me. "You fought for so long to get people on board with this project. You continued on when people doubted you when they laughed. I think you deserve good things to happen to you."

I smiled bashfully, looking to the ground for a brief moment, "Aw, Juju," looking back to her, she lifted a hand and held my cheek. Naturally, I would have shied away, but not now. At this moment, I absolutely adored this bitch. "I couldn't have done this without you."

"I know. You've told me." She pinched my cheek before looking away.

Her hand fell by her side, so I took it in mine. "No, really. You think I would have continued without you here? You remember all those times I wanted to give up? All the times you called me out on my bullshit?"

"Hey, somebody had to do it." She shrugged in return yet swung my hand.

"That's very true." I looked at her for a moment longer. Only now did I notice the way her lashes fluttered when she blinked, how cute that was.

Her eyes moved around the large space again. "Think we could fit a Starbucks in here?"

I pulled my gaze away from her, also having another look around. "Girl, you could fit fucking 10 Starbucks in here." I raised a brow in her direction then. "Should I?"

She laughed as she continued to swing my hand like we were just children again. Honestly, that's what I felt like; A small child in her own Kingdom.

#rpdr fanfiction #s10 #as5 #miz cracker #jujubee #blair st clair #blair x cracker #hurt/comfort #lesbian au #high school au #angst #gimme love #grinder #tw dementia #tw death #tw grief #tw homophobic slurs

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

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Saint & Leilani

Saint: So, how many people with my surname have found their way into your inbox today? Leilani: few Saint: I hope those few have behaved and not been too taxing on your typing fingers or your patience Leilani: you're making it sound more fun & scandalous than it came close to Saint: That would be an odd but not unentirely precedented way to welcome you for us Saint: I'm just more than aware how...much, shall we be polite and say, some of them can be, even at the best of times Leilani: 😅 Leilani: are you forgetting which one of you I live with? Saint: 😅 Saint: I am in no way doubting your ability to cope with it, or previous experience doing so, just apologizing for the times you don't feel like being so gracious about their...persistence Leilani: thanks, I think? Leilani: the sentence was a mouthful to digest but I detected some sweetness in it Saint: I'm happy to apologize for my taste as well Saint: and will try to be more palatable Leilani: coming thick & fast but still smooth with it, that's impressive Saint: I'll accept that I'm potentially being much of a muchness with some of the more well-meaning but over-the-top members of my family, if that's what you're saying Saint: but admittedly, I'll struggle to hear I'm on par with certain ones who best remain nameless until I get more of a gage for your tolerance of their particular brand of care 😅 Leilani: I'm not saying much, personally, until I work out how much of this welcome wagon is genuinely what you'd like to say vs what you feel like you must Leilani: to make up for the rest or walk on eggshells in case I crack up Saint: Well, I haven't been instructed to talk to you, if that's what you mean Saint: and without a doubt, I have no idea how I would ideally like to broach this subject, because I have literally no firsthand experience Saint: I imagine that must be frustrating, is it? Leilani: it can be coming from you but not coming from you, if you know what I mean Leilani: deep in there, maybe you've got a whole other convo you'd love to be having Saint: I'm receptive to any conversation you'd like to have Saint: well, almost any, I'm sure Leilani: you & everybody else Leilani: the talk about me is non-stop Saint: We wouldn't have to talk about you Saint: I don't have any particular bias towards the subject of you, though it would be bad manners to ask you no questions about yourself, I can refrain if you have, like I said and assumed, had enough for a while Leilani: it's good manners if I'm in no mood to answer questions about me Leilani: but it'd be my bad to tell you to shush & end this convo just like that Saint: As you've saved me from the mortal sin of impoliteness with your rhetoric there, I'll save you from having to do so and can leave it there Leilani: take a turn in the hot seat, see how you feel about it Leilani: prep if I haven't saved you from 👿🔥 Saint: I'm not inclined to believe the creator would be that unforgiving, but that's what Catholicism will do for your morals, I suppose Saint: Fire away, as it were 🔥 Leilani: you're a catholic? Saint: Culturally, definitely Saint: I'm not sure my commitment to the church is such I can claim myself as fully saved, yet Leilani: mine goes as far as loving the 1st Eid for its treats & ignoring the sacrifices of the 2nd, can't call it commitment Saint: I don't think you're alone in that philosophy and approach Saint: but I don't necessarily think that's terrible at all, as long as you're finding some joy and fulfilment from religion- that is certainly a huge tenant of all the ones I've heard of, so it can only be a positive Leilani: how my friends celebrate 🎄🎁🎅 shows me I'm not Leilani: party > church Saint: Precisely, commercialism argument aside Saint: any promotion of togetherness, community and goodwill, what could be the issue? Leilani: the issue is in the confusion Leilani: people thinking it's something its not Saint: There's plenty issue around 🎄🎁🎅 but no more than most anything in our society today Leilani: if you're trying to take issue with something on any level, you'll find a way Saint: Don't you think problems should be solved? Leilani: if it can Leilani: big if Saint: Of course Saint: I think the if only makes the pursuit of more vital, I don't find it to be invalidating Leilani: sure but some questions aren't if or but ones Saint: Such as? Leilani: if I said, you're the fittest member of this family, let's go out, your answer would be no, becos you are a member of this family, it doesn't matter if you add I would if I wasn't Leilani: the answer's still no Saint: No, my answer would be that there's truly only one absolute in this life Saint: that I know of Saint: there are laws, ethics, morality and codes of conduct in all societies, sure Saint: but nothing is certain Leilani: birth & death are certain Leilani: one brought you here, the other me Saint: I was thinking about death Saint: birth is luck, usually, it's a little different Leilani: 🤔 Leilani: accepted Saint: We can differ on perspectives there, it's fine 😃 Saint: in fact, the father would probably want to put forth an argument for the opposite, now I think about it Saint: worse Catholic than I thought Leilani: I was thinking that 🤰 = birth, the certainty part being you don't get to stay in but you know Saint: I see what you mean Saint: anyone that is here is a certainty Saint: think we're going into Schroedinger territory there, I respect it Leilani: 🙀📦 Saint: 👍 Saint: who am I to say that whatever people are before and after they're people here can't debate philosophy Leilani: these are bigger questions than I expected Saint: And I wasn't meant to even ask how you were Saint: 🤐 Saint: go on Leilani: I've got a headache now 😅 Saint: Oh dear Saint: That's the first time that's happened, I would assure you but that sounds like a losing battle and another knock for my ego Leilani: your ego wants to take it as brush off, retro as hell Leilani: but I don't get questions that deep posed around me is all Saint: Retro...God, just don't take my 'deep' questions as a sign of pretension or I'm getting more tragic by the second! Leilani: it's okay I'm not a downtrodden wifey from back in the day, we're in an era where I can just tell you no Saint: and we're all the better for it Saint: though I don't think I've asked you any question where you'd be directly answerable to me 🤔 Saint: giving me a little too much credit for the universe and it's many questions there Leilani: I don't want your ego to end this convo black & blue Saint: That's very kind of you Saint: but my ability to take criticism could be compared to your ability to cope with Grace, just so we're clear Leilani: Grace isn't hard to cope with Leilani: I like her Saint: I'm glad to hear that, it would be really hard if you didn't Saint: harder, than it is, of course Saint: don't think I'm bashing her really, as I said, they all mean well, I can just imagine that relentless good intentions and meaningful conversations to be had would get very exhausting very fast Leilani: everything's happened fast Leilani: they're all playing catch up to the unexpected Saint: But you're the important one here Saint: most, although I was adding that to try and take the pressure off but clearly that's easier said than done Leilani: this is where I add something about pressure creating 💎 Saint: I don't loathe the sentiment but does it make you feel any better? Leilani: no Saint: then I wouldn't worry Saint: and I doubt there's anything hugely meaningful I can do to make you feel better in an impactful, big way Saint: but if you think of anything on a smaller scale that you would like Saint: don't hesistate to ask Leilani: will you introduce me to everyone in a retro way? Leilani: 🗨 & 🤝 Saint: That I can do Saint: The upsides to this family being as large as it is is that you're never short of functions to hijack for whatever purpose you may need Saint: and you won't have to worry about being centre of attention unless it's your birth, wedding or death Saint: even then, people have their own agendas Leilani: no pressure or as close as Leilani: when's the next? Saint: Exactly Saint: [literally whatever and whenever we want, offer a selection to show your point lol] Leilani: [picks the one where she can serve the best lewk because gotta make an impression regardless especially when you're nervous] Leilani: it's a date Saint: That it is Saint: if you'd rather show up with another kid, I'm happy to come pick you up from Grace's Saint: up to you, of course Leilani: pick me up 🚗 Leilani: I have no idea how Grace is allowed on the road Saint: 😅 Saint: I suppose they reckon the amount of potholes, we're all playing a dangerous game at the mercy of the council Leilani: 🙏 by god's grace like Saint: Seems that's all that's left in the budget 🙄 Leilani: 😅😅 Saint: I think you're in my sister's year Saint: Venus, that is Leilani: what should I think about it? Saint: You know you hypothesized that I was the fittest member of this family? Leilani: it's too late to drop the bomb that I should've asked her to pick me up Saint: She'll need a lift as much as you Saint: but meaning, she'd have taken DEEP offence to that assertion Saint: the headache would be realer Leilani: oops Leilani: & yikes Saint: again, not here on a smear campaign Saint: but I'd be doing you a disservice if I pretended she's universally easy to get on with Saint: perhaps you'll take to each other though Leilani: I'm not easy to get on with atm Leilani: but I do get a free pass Saint: You're doing fine Saint: unless this is your attempt at belligerence, in which case, sorry 😬 Leilani: attempting nothing but no pressure face to face intros Leilani: how could you forget already? Saint: 🤦 forgive me? Leilani: 💅 Leilani: hold on, I'll ask myself what my god would do Leilani: ... Leilani: yeah sure Saint: 😅 Saint: I was hoping distraction only fell under bad manners, not sin Leilani: it depends how you're distracting me Saint: What I offered would depend on how 😇/😈 you preferred your distractions Leilani: if I don't have both on offer how can I possibly choose? Saint: That's completely fair, actually Leilani: I know Leilani: so don't be unfair Saint: Wouldn't dream of it Leilani: is there anyone else you'd like to warn me about, while you're being fair? Leilani: or anyone I should run into the arms of like 🤗🤗? Saint: Warn would be extreme Saint: I don't think anyone is that bad Saint: I would have to know you better personally to say who I think you'd really click with, but there's plenty of us, I'm sure you will with someone Leilani: indulge me in the drama of it, St Leilani: 🤦😅 Saint: Oh, right Saint: you want the gossip of it all so you also have prior information on them coming into the conversations Saint: let me think then Leilani: I miss when my friends wanted to talk about that stuff Leilani: instead of me & my feelings Saint: That makes sense Saint: maybe you and Vee will get on then Saint: there's just a lot of drama to get into Saint: your head and inbox would be rocked Leilani: I've got time Leilani: & my head's already a mess Saint: Okay then Saint: bear with me if my typing speed gets retro Leilani: 😄 Saint: [just methodically go through all that is messed up with the fam nbd] Leilani: holy hell Leilani: I know I asked for that but did I though? Leilani: where have I come to live Leilani: 👋🚕 Saint: Yes Saint: sorry Leilani: hold on I need to just ✈️ Leilani: I thought my mum's relationship history was crazy Saint: It is what it is Saint: we all still manage fine Leilani: by the grace of god again, or whatever other means necessary Saint: Maybe Saint: I don't think it's all that dire now Leilani: maybe when I've come though all the stages of grief I'll be able to let you know what I think Saint: Look forward to it Leilani: I did make it sound really hot Saint: 😏 Saint: we're not all messed up, thank you Leilani: I'm used to being that half of the convo Leilani: you do you Saint: How are you messed up then? Leilani: other than having no parents now? Saint: Yeah Leilani: I'm not doing this right Leilani: any of it Saint: What aren't you doing right? Leilani: I miss her but like she's gone on holiday or a work course Leilani: not like she's never coming back Saint: Well, what's the first stage of grieving Saint: you feel like you aren't missing her hard enough, but if you were out of denial already, you'd actually be taking it way too fast Saint: be rude, right? Saint: Think of it like that Leilani: my rudeness is worse, wanting to hang out with my friends how I did before Leilani: care about 👗👠💄 Saint: Your entire world has been turned upside down Saint: of course you're craving normality Saint: I'm not just saying all this to appease you Saint: you're a kid that just lost her mum Saint: I literally do not believe there's any way you could get through this that would be wrong, or would reflect poorly on you Leilani: she needs to walk back in & badmouth all her worst clients Leilani: she can't be lost Saint: I'm so sorry Saint: that it's so unfair Leilani: unfair was when my dad stopped sending money & letters after going back home for what he said would be a few months Leilani: this is Leilani: I don't even know Saint: How old were you? Leilani: does it make a difference? Saint: Did it? Leilani: I'd just started school, so financially, yeah Saint: Do you know what he's doing now, like, where he is? Leilani: no Leilani: my mum said he had another family there Leilani: someone he was actually married to Saint: Right Saint: that was a cowardly thing for him to do Saint: the minimum would've been financial support Leilani: sadly I can't get it backdated Leilani: imagine Leilani: 👗👠💄 Saint: I'd have to look into it Saint: but probably not Saint: very hard to enforce at any rate Leilani: & taking food out of his other children's mouths, assuming he has some others Saint: Yeah Saint: but you can't be held responsible for his life choices Leilani: neither can they then Saint: I meant it'd be his problem to worry about and solve Saint: but I can understand not wanting to literally steal candy from a baby, as it were Leilani: I haven't been his problem for years, I'm Grace's now Leilani: this family's with all their existing crazy Saint: Okay, getting in contact with your dad for reparations isn't the first step Leilani: it's a mis-step Leilani: he fell off the earth, I'm not following him Saint: Okay Saint: so, what would you be doing with your friends today, if things were normal? Leilani: 🛍 Saint: So, I'll give you both options Saint: I can drive you to your friends, or whatever 🛍 you go to with them Saint: or you can come 🛍 with me Leilani: you can take me Leilani: they don't know how to act now that I'm 💣💥 Saint: they probably think they're giving you time Saint: but really, they're asking for it Saint: at least, that's how I see it Saint: maybe next weekend, or the next Saint: but we can go for now Leilani: it's okay, I wouldn't deal any better if the roles were reversed Leilani: it's not their bad that there's nothing to say or do Saint: You're very fair Saint: not to detract from how much of a 💣💥 you feel Leilani: you're flattering me like I'm not a 💣💥 Leilani: I don't know what that says about you Saint: It's honesty, not flattery Saint: The situation is a 💣💥 Saint: I've seen people handle significantly worse, that's all Leilani: it feels nice, honesty doesn't usually Saint: that's a resounding endorsement Saint: probably a bit too smug to put on a poster or LinkedIn but still, I appreciate it Leilani: you know what I mean, honesty is usually like that 💅 isn't the one or you need braces, child Saint: I think people purposefully conflate being honest with being rude Saint: but you can weaponize anything if you're that sort of person Leilani: yeah ☕ Saint: There's plenty of that sort at church Leilani: & the salon Saint: I've spent less time there myself but I imagine they're much of a muchness Saint: 👵 they all love me, obviously but father is a perfect case study for diplomacy Leilani: it's a type of church for some people Leilani: they take it as serious as a religion Saint: Hair and beauty has always been important Leilani: they just like being able to see results, there's no guarantee when you pray Saint: I'd argue there's no guarantee you get the result you wanted Saint: perhaps even less than 🙏 Saint: maybe you get what you need, not what you want Leilani: 😅😅 Leilani: maybe not for 👵 if they're trying to look 👩 Saint: it highlights the limitations of communication Saint: you think you've asked concisely for one thing, and you end up with something that's nothing like that at all Leilani: I swear I did see my mum work some genuine miracles, that said Saint: It is without a doubt impressive what can be achieved Leilani: what do you want to be? Saint: I want to work for the government Leilani: we haven't been talking that long but that has come through Saint: Is there any particular way you'd like me to take that honesty? Leilani: as a compliment? Leilani: I think Saint: 😅 I think I can manage that then Leilani: I'll tell you what I used to want to be when I was a child, that's weirder Saint: Not admitting it's weird, but go on Saint: I'm intrigued Leilani: clues: Leilani: 🦷💉🥛😁 Leilani: 🚫🍬🍭🍫 Saint: Okay, question, just the one Saint: did you want to be rich or did you just really care about oral hygiene? Leilani: I wanted to make people pretty like my mum, I suppose was the thought process Leilani: & 😁 = happy Saint: So it's even more adorable than I first thought Saint: you don't want to be a dentist anymore? Leilani: the reality is way more gory than I knew then Saint: That's enough to give me a headache Leilani: I need a job with no blood or pus Leilani: even typing that made me feel weird Saint: 😖 Saint: Subject change Saint: are you going to buy anything today? Leilani: do I need to dress to impress your family or just myself? Saint: do you want me to invite my family out shopping with us? Leilani: you do have a lot of sisters Leilani: but you know I meant do I need a new outfit for this meet & greet you're taking me to of the entire extended clan Saint: Oh, gotcha Saint: dress for yourself, of course Saint: unless dressing to impress makes you feel more at ease, in which case, go for that and you won't be alone Leilani: it can't hurt Saint: No, there we go then 😊 Saint: though you can still do the aimless browsing I know 🛍 trips are really about, of course Leilani: are you looking to dress up too? Saint: I like to look presentable Leilani: oh good becos if it was just me, Grace & your sister that'd be a statement Saint: 😅 Saint: don't worry, it won't be Leilani: I'll do my happy dentist 😁 then Leilani: as I'm thrilled Saint: I'm just as 😁 to hear that Leilani: I'll try not to turn it into a frown with excessive browsing Leilani: no promises Saint: I've got a lot of sisters, as you said Saint: I'm sure I'll cope Leilani: which one's your favourite? Saint: which sister? 😂 Saint: I'm not sure there's a diplomatic way to answer that Leilani: answer it honestly, I can promise not to slide in to share the news Saint: Well, Jay is older and we didn't meet her until she was a kid so that combined with her personality makes her the most chilled out now Saint: Vee is younger but still close enough that we were kids together, so that makes her prime annoying younger sister category Saint: then the twins are that much younger that they get to be removed from that, and I have more of that protective older brother in me Leilani: Okay so Jay's your fave Leilani: what's your brother like? Saint: No, I didn't say that Saint: but she wasn't here in the beginning and she's grown up and gone now, it's easy to have less negatives to say about her Leilani: how old were you when you met? Saint: I was about 3 when we found out about her Saint: but the process took a while because she had a dad that raised her and still wanted to even though she wasn't his like he thought Saint: I think I was about 8 when she moved in and spent most of her time with us Leilani: that must have been such a weird time Saint: it was Saint: Vee was born around the time we found out about her so Saint: that was a trial too Leilani: your parents have had a LOT going on Saint: Yes, it seems to be their forte Leilani: your brother then Saint: he's younger too, so again, protective Saint: probably because we're outnumbered too Leilani: an if question Leilani: if you had to give me one of them, as an only child, which one would you give me? Saint: 😂 an odd request but okay, let me 🤔 Saint: Probably Sekh Saint: from the short conversation we've had, you have things in common, that would work well 🛍👠💄👗 Leilani: you're gonna separate the twins? very disney channel Saint: It was either lump them in together there and offend them, or separate and acknowledge that they're separate people Saint: they'll understand 😅 Leilani: 😅 Leilani: safer if I ask Grace for a pet instead Saint: Sure that she'd be down for that Saint: 🐰🐹🐱🐶🐠? Leilani: 🤔 Saint: That is a big decision Saint: best to take your time, decide how much effort you wanna put in to day to day care Leilani: 🐱 or 🏠🐰 Saint: Cute Saint: got any names or do you need to see it before assigning one Leilani: it feels fairer to meet them 1st Saint: 👍 Saint: we can go to the nearest pet shop/shelter if you'd like Leilani: adopt don't shop, St Leilani: or else 👿🔥 Saint: Indeed 😏 Saint: but you know most shops rescue their animals now anyway Saint: except fish...but I don't know how we're morally meant to feel about breeding fish? Leilani: we won't buy any, be on the safe & 😇 side Saint: It's your day Saint: I wouldn't try to bring you down to 👿🔥 levels Leilani: thanks, I have only just moved in Saint: Definitely not my intention with this conversation, or any going forward Leilani: that comes through too Saint: Is that a compliment? Leilani: I don't know if you're 😁 or not to be a good & polite boy Saint: Why would I want to be anything less 😇? Leilani: becos of your name maybe Saint: Subverting expectations Saint: I'd argue people expect the opposite from me though, regardless of my first name Leilani: in your case pressure makes 😇 Saint: 🤞 I hope so Leilani: I'll subvert expectations for us both Saint: Is that your new plan? Leilani: I don't really have one Leilani: other than the 🛍 Saint: Well, you have time Leilani: yeah, it's the keyword that's getting thrown around most atm Saint: It's not provably true but it's most likely the case Leilani: & it'll fill an awkward silence Saint: I can clearly talk enough for the both of us Saint: it doesn't need to be awkward Leilani: this isn't, but remember how we ref-ed that you weren't the only McKenna in my 💬📱 Saint: Right Saint: is there anything you'd like me to do, beyond the formal introductions Saint: politely suggest some people give it some time, perhaps? Leilani: use the time thing against them, I like it 😅 Saint: Only fair 🙂 Saint: consider it done Leilani: we're back into retro hubby & wifey territory Saint: You think? Leilani: it's very defence squad but I'm not 😤 Saint: I'm not helping you because you're a girl and I'm a boy Saint: just because I have the ability to Leilani: I know, you're coming across capable Saint: I'd like to think so Saint: but bragging about it would not be 😇 nor helpful Leilani: I've got your back in hyping you up a 😇 amount Saint: That's sweet Saint: I promise my ego is not that fragile that I need you to but it's still nice Leilani: I'd like to think I am Leilani: that it's not all doom & gloom in me, but maybe time will have to tell, annoyingly Saint: It shows Saint: honestly Saint: you aren't what's happened to you, even if that is all you can think about right now, or feel it's all you're meant to, or are allowed to, whatever Leilani: whether or not I'm her death, I was her life Leilani: there's credit for how she raised me, I mean Saint: Definitely Saint: I don't know you yet, but I would like to get to know you, from what I've seen Saint: I won't throw out proud for her but, you know Saint: I would be in her position Leilani: I don't know what to say Leilani: that feels above nice to hear Saint: I'm almost certain she would want you to know that, at the very least Leilani: yeah, she would Leilani: she wasn't too humble for a brag Saint: 😅 Saint: you should continue that tradition then Leilani: you'll regret saying that when I make you take 10000000000000s of pictures of me posing in different 👗 Saint: 😏 I'll have to buy myself something expensive to cope, I'm sure Leilani: ⌚️ so you can keep an eye on the time Saint: I have an uncharacteristically free day today Saint: my time is yours Leilani: what are we waiting for? come get me Saint: That's what I was waiting for Saint: I'll be with you shortly Leilani: consent given Saint: 👍

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