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chrisevansmaid · 3 years

Text

Virginal

Summary: You go to a beach town in search of losing your virginity. The server at dinner is extra cute but it's also young Chris evans.

*this pic is from chris’s twitter*

MUST BE 18+!!!!

I see everyone saying this, so 18+ pleaseeeee. Begoneeeee youngins

Pairing: Chris Evans x female!reader, Young!Chris Evans x minor!reader, (Name inserted but you can switch it to yours)

Word Count: 3393

Perspective: Reader

Warnings: SMUTTT, p in v, mentions of smoking weed / dab pen, oral sex (female receiving), FLUFF AND ANGST, high sex, lowkey rough sex, dirty talk, degrading dirty talk, EXPLICIT sexual content, age gap, minor having sex with non-minor (17F with 20M),

Authors note:

FIRST FIC YAY!!!!!! Don't be mean pls <3.

I’m really bad at tenses so if it keeps switching from present to past tense sorry. The only grammar corrector I’m using is grammarly so if something doesn’t make sense oopsie, I’m too lazy from spending a while on this fic to go anal and analyze every sentence for errors.

Okay so… I’m a pisces which basically means I can never stop daydreaming. Also the backstory is lowkey gonna be my backstory lol. This is how I wished I lost my virginity plus make it Chris evans.

*THIS IS NOT BASED OFF OF CHRIS ITS FULLY FROM MY IMAGINATION*

Idk I'm bored and it's summer so I have nothing to do. YES THIS IS ABOUT A MINOR BUT IN MY STATE THE AGE OF CONSENT IS 16 SO CHILL.

18+ PLEASE STOP READING NOW IF YOU ARE A MINOR

So I’m a virgin. Not because I am a prude or anything, but it never worked. I like to self diagnose so my conclusion is I have vaginismus. That is basically rolled into my cervix/vagina clenches up whenever I try to have sex so no dick fits in and if anything does fit it's incredibly painful. It's not a matter of being turned on cus I could have Niagara Falls in my panties and it still wouldn’t work, trust me. Even being fingered was awful and I’ve been fingered like 10 times and none of them were enjoyable. My sister says I’m just really tight. Idk. I can finger myself and it's good-ish, I mean how far up can you reach with your own hand?

But I’ve had enough of being a virgin and I just want someone to blow my back out. Preferably some sexy older guy. And because I’m sick and tired of having an untapped pussy I’ve devised a plan. I am going to the beach in a week or so and I am going to find the guy who I had my first kiss with and have him fuck me. Or some other hot guy I meet. But to make sure my inhibitions are lowered and my vagina doesn’t clench from nerves I am gonna get a little high before.

1 week later.

My mom, stepdad, and I arrive at the beach and it is so pretty. I love this beach. It brings back so many good memories. I am rooming with my childhood friend, Sarah, and she knows I want to get fucked. We’ve snuck out before and we are so excited for this week. I take a picture of the beach and put it on my Snapchat story with my location tagged. This will let my first kiss know I’m near him so he can hit me up to fuck me.

The day goes by kinda slow because all I could think of was walking up and down the boardwalk trolling for hot men. Finally, night comes and all the families that are at the beach go to dinner. I was kinda bored but then our server came. He was something else.

“Hi my name’s Chris and I’ll be your server tonight.” Ugh. Even his voice made my whole body warm up. His greenish blue eyes stared into my soul as he took my order. His dirty blonde hair was perfectly quaffed and the way his black shirt hugged his biceps was absolutely sinful. Okay yes, he was probably in his early twenties but who said I was ageist. If anything an older man would know how to fuck a woman better than any stupid high school senior that I would meet.

I got up to go to the bathroom and saw Chris on my way. We locked eyes and didn't break contact until I went into the bathroom. As I stepped out of the bathroom I saw him again. It looked like he was waiting for me. His body was leaned up against the wall across from the bathroom I had just exited. He stopped me and said “Call me.” and handed me a piece of paper. Before I had a chance to say anything he turned and I was watching his perfect ass walk away.

I went back to the table as if nothing happened. I don’t think anyone noticed my uncontrollable smile. Throughout the dinner, I could not tear my eyes away from our sexy server. I think Sarah noticed but I was gonna tell her about it when my parents weren’t right there. We finished dinner and all went back to the beach house. When we got back I told Sarah and she was so shook. We were racking our brains on what I should text Chris. I didn’t want to come off too strong but also I wanted this man to fuck me. So we settled on:

“Hey”

Yes. I know it's lame but he’s older defffffinitely older and I can’t act too young. Ugh, I am so scared of his response it's absolutely killing me. Sarah, two other girls that came to the beach, and I decide to go out for ice cream. At least ice cream would take my mind off waiting for a response. As we wait in line I feel my phone buzz in my pocket. I pull it out and it’s Chris.

“I thought I told you to call me” His response is very bold but for some reason, it only intrigues you more. Immensely more. I show Sarah and she smiles.

“Guess who’s getting her wish tonight.”

“Oh my god,” I respond. “What do I say?” I am literally so scared that he will think I’m too young or too much of a child.

“Um, don’t say anything. Call him.” Sarah says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

Do I actually call him? I’m literally getting the worst knots in my stomach and now I have to shit and I’m literally so nervous over a phone call. I am not a spontaneous person. AT ALL.

“Okay, I’m gonna call him.” I say to Sarah after literally pondering this for 5 minutes.

Oh god. This is so scary. I tell Sarah to get me a vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles and I step out of the line. I go to the walkway near the ice cream shop away from the crowd so I can hear better. I dial his number and put the phone to my ear.

It rings like 3 times and he picks up.

“Hey.” He says and his voice is even sexier than I remember.

“Hey.” I literally didn’t know what to say and I am pacing up and down the sidewalk.

“So you must be the hot girl I gave my number to.”

“And you must be the sexy server.” Some wave of confidence came over me and that was the best response I could come up with.

“So what’s your name?”

“Olivia and if I remember correctly, your name is...” I paused to let him fill in the blank

“Chris.”

“Chris, that's right.” I wanted to come off like I didn’t hang onto every word he said and so I played it off like his name wasn’t already filling my fantasies.

“So Liv, when am I gonna see you again?” He asks and this caught me a little off guard that he would jump straight to the point but I guess why prolong the inevitable.

“I don’t know, when are you free?”

“Can I pick you up tonight around 12?” Ugh yes. My plan was filling out nicely.

“Sounds great.” I mean what else am I supposed to say?

“Send me where you’ll be and I’ll pick you up then.” His assertive tone was a panty fucking dropper.

“Okay. See you then Chris.” I’ve picked up from my previous male experiences that if you say a guy's name he’ll be more inclined to fuck you. I mean I totally pulled that out of my ass but I wanted to sound like a confident vixen, not some 17 year old virgin.

“Bye Liv.” The way he made up a nickname for me had me reddening in my cheeks and warming in my core. I say bye and hang up. As soon as the call ends I’m running back to Sarah and telling her every little detail. Okay, I really needed to get back home and shit.

Sarah, the other girls, and I go back to the house and hang out for like an hour, and then it’s 11 and all the parents are asleep. I need to start preparing. So I take a phat shit and then shower even though I showered before dinner but I need to wash off my nervous sweats. I shave everywhere and when I get out I lotion my entire body, put on my sexy lingerie, and douse myself with perfume. I do my makeup but it’s simple and of course waterproof. I text Chris the address of the beach house but tell him to pick me up a couple houses down. I tell Sarah she needs to sneak out with me so if we get caught I can pretend me and her were just hanging outside the house. Sarah and I sneak out the back and bring her cart. I take a couple hits to calm myself down because god forbid I tense up before he can get his dick in. It's like 11:55. God my stomach is in knots.

It’s 12. ‘Oh god’ I think to myself. I see a white range rover pull up at the end of the block. I say bye to Sarah and walk to the car. I see his face. Oh, fuck still sexy. I open his car door and jump into the passenger seat.

“Hey.” I say

“Hey, Liv.” He says back. Him saying that little nickname he gave me is so much hotter in person. So so so much hotter. I think he knows what it does to me because his lips curl into a smirk. “Let’s go for a drive.” Chris says.

“Okay, I’m down.” I say back and kinda rethinking saying ‘I’m down’ because he is definitely rethinking how old I am.

We start driving around and talking and thank god the radio is on to fill any silence there could be. It’s on the country station and him liking country music is literally another added bonus. Then When it Rains it Pours comes on and I say “Omg I love this song.”

“Really?” He says back. “I’ve never met a girl as pretty as you that actually likes country music.”

“Are you kidding? I love country music.” I say back not noting he just called me pretty. We mindlessly chat for like 20 minutes and Chris pulls the car into an empty parking lot that overlooks the whole beach town.

“This is so pretty.” I say in awe of the gorgeous view. I can see from the corner of my eye that Chris is just looking at me.

“Not as good as my view.” He says back in a soft tone that has me melting to the floor of the car. I look back at him and we sit in silence just staring into each other's eyes. I glance at his lips and they look so kissable. They are the perfect amount of plump without being too big. When I look back to his eyes he is still staring at me. His lips almost form a smile and he grabs and cheek and kisses me. It’s even better than each and every one of my fantasies. I grab the back of his neck and kiss him even harder back. Before I know it the kiss gets more rushed and Chris is running his hands along the curve of my back. Our lips are crashing into each others with fervor like no other. He pulls me into his lap and he ruts his hips upward. He takes his left hand and moves the seat back and starts kissing down my neck. His lips leave little bite marks and he reaches my bosoms. He pulls my tank top down and pulls my breasts out of my bra and sucks on my right nipple as he pinches the left. Soft mewls leave my lips and he stops to look at me and the rush of cold air sends goosebumps across my skin. He leans up and kisses my neck and leaves marks all the way to my ear lobe and whispers “Before I fuck you until you can’t remember your name, How old are you?”

Forming words is harder than I imagined so between pants I say back “17.”

“Perfect” he whispers back while still biting my neck. “Come here” he says as he opens the door. I hop off him and outside the car and see the tent forming in his pants. He picks me up and wraps my legs around him and pins me against the car door. He bites my lip and I can’t imagine anything better than this moment. While still mounted on his he opens the door to the backseat and lays me down. He gets on top of me and shuts the door behind him. He ruts against my core and his jeans rub against the soft fabric of my athletic shorts. Although my mind is completely fixed on his engorged cock a thought forms in my mind. What if he thinks I’ve done this before? What If I’m so bad he doesn’t even speak to me again? These thoughts completely cloud my mind and Chris notices.

“What's wrong?” he says as he pulls away. I glance at his bitten lips and pant trying to form words.

“Nothing just, I... I’m a virgin.” I blurt out. I am so scared I ruined the moment but his expression only intensifies.

“Oh well we just can’t have that now can we?” He says back and his lust blown pupils grow darker and he kisses me with such intensity my thoughts completely leave my mind. I could get drunk off the taste of him. Chris breaks the kiss and rips off his shirt showing his perfectly chiseled abs. I felt them through the cotton but seeing them right in front of my eyes makes my mouth open. My lips peak into a smile and he picks me up and places my back closer to the car door. He rips off my shorts and starts kissing down my neck to my navel and I run my fingers through his hair. My chest rises and falls quicker as his lips reach my red lace covered mound. His teeth grab the waistband and he pulls off my panties.

He inhales and says “So sweet.” His husky voice vibrating against my core. His kisses dance around my thighs. As more sounds leave my mouth Chris bites my skin. His hands hold my legs open as he licks down my folds. His tongue flickers across my clit leaving me trembling. I had never felt this way from anyone ever. My fingers run through his short dirty blonde hair and my nails dig into his scalp leaving crescent shaped indents. He slips his middle finger through my folds as he sucks on my clit. His fingers curl up hitting a spot I never knew existed. A feeling in my stomach starts intensifying and spreading through my entire body and I tremble in euphoria. Chris finger fucks me through my first ever orgasm. I shut my eyes tightly and when I open them Chris is staring right at me. I grab the hair on the nape of his neck and pull him back up to kiss me. I can taste myself still on his tongue as the material of his jeans rubs against my sensitive bud. His fingers pinch my nipples as he slips his tongue between my lips. I reach down and feel his throbbing cock through his pants. As I rub with the palm of my hand, throaty moans leave his mouth. Nothing was stronger than my desire to be fucked raw by this sex god. I pulled away from the kiss and say as I stare deep into his eyes “Fuck me Chris.” My words are efficacious to him.

He licked his lips like an animal locked onto his prey. “Don’t have to ask me twice.” He pulls down his jeans and takes his cock out of his boxers. I have seen a dick before but never that big. My mouth almost dropped to the floor. He pulled a condom out of the back of the seat and wrapped it around his cock. He pumped his dick a few times before running the head along my sodden folds. “You ready?” I had never been more ready for anything in my entire life. Unable to form words I nodded my head. Chris pushes his cock into me slowly. I gasped at the feeling. I wasn’t as tight as I usually was but it still stung. Each inch stung a little more until he bottomed out into me. He stilled. His breath was hot on my ear as our breathing synced. I gasped again as he pulled his hips back. I reached down and pulled him back into me.

“Don’t hold back.” I said. I wanted this to be as enjoyable for him as it was for me. Chris pulled out and thrust back into me again. The groans that left this throat made my pussy clench around him. He picks up his pace and pain turns into pleasure. My legs wrap around his thighs and I’m pulling him into me.

“You dirty little slut. So needy.” He whispered into my ear. The sound that escaped my lips drew him deeper in like a moth to a flame. Chris drives his cock into me faster so that all you can hear is breathy moans and the lewd sounds of skin slapping against skin. Chris moves his hand to my throat and squeezes. I try to moan but they catch in my throat and I look back at Chris. His mouth is agape and he is staring deep into my eyes. He thrusts so deep my eyes roll back and I have to shut them. He grabs my chin and pulls my face to meet his. “Look at me. Don’t look away. I want to see your face as I make you cum on my dick.” His cock is hitting places he didn’t even reach when fingering me. Another orgasm rips through me and my body trembles harder this time. Chris fucks me through my orgasm and just as I regained my mental awareness I could feel another one coming on. Chris squeezes harder on my neck as he sucks on my hardened nipples. He bites my skin and takes his hand from my neck and reaches between our sweaty writhing bodies and pinches my clit. A guttural moan leaves my throat as another excruciatingly intense orgasm takes over my entire body. I can tell Chris isn’t far behind because his thrusts become sporadic and he puts all his body weight into his last thrust and stills. The noises he makes me wish he was still fucking me. He leans down to meet my lips once again but this time it is slower and more gingerly. He pulls his dick out and lays down on top of me.

We catch our breaths and I say. “Wow, that was.. fuck.”

Chris softly laughs and says “Who knew a 17 year old could have me in the palm of their hand.”

“Who knew a however-old-you-are would take my virginity.” I say with a smile on my face.

“I’m 20, I probably should have told you earlier.” He says looking a little guilty.

“Don’t worry it would have only turned me on more.” I laugh back and our lips join in a soft kiss.

Chris and I look at the dashboard and see it's 1:30 am. “Shit I should probably get home before my friend worries too much.” I say looking back at Chris and he nods. We sit up and reach down for our clothes. I reach for my underwear and Chris snatches it from my hands.

“These are mine now.” Chris smirks.

“Fine.” I put on my shorts and pull my top back on. Sadly Chris covers his humongous biceps with his shirt. I lean in and meet Chris with a kiss. We get back into our respective seats and Chris looks at me with a dumb smile.

“Why are you staring at me?” I say with a giggle.

“Oh, nothing.” Chris says and his smile only looks more like a 6 year old who just stole a cookie before dinner. I mean technically he did just steal something but that's beside the point. Chris puts the car back into drive and turns around to back up.

As he drives me home there's more small talk but then he asks “How long will you be in town?”

“A week,” I say. Chris’s dumb smile returns. “Okay, what's that smile for?”

Chris looks at me and says “I’m just excited to fuck you every night this week.”

#chris evans #cevans #firstfanfic #yay #excited #chris evans fanfc #chris evans x reader #young chris evans #chris evans x female reader #chris evans smut #chris evans fluff #chris evans imagine #smut #fluff #beach #stranger smut

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faerielleart · 3 years

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After 138, do you believe Levihan is canon?

hi anon! thank you for the question c:

to give you a really brief, straight to the point answer: yes.

i’m kinda over having to walk on eggshells because there are sensitive mfs in this fandom who get offended if you insinuate even for a second that levi and hanji love each other non-platonically just as i am kinda over having to hear the usual ramblings about how their friendship would supposedly get ruined, because somehow falling in love with your best friend is the worst thing in the world when it comes to these two characters in particular as people do not in any way keep the same energy for any other aot ship that is rooted in friendship, so yes, i will say that i absolutely consider levihan canon. in the romantic sense. romantic love is not inferior to platonic love and vice versa. i believe they are two best friends who happen to be in love with each other romantically, tried to confess in their own weird ways that were almost impossible to understand but that at the end of the day their confessions were understood by each other and that’s all that matters.

we got two characters who are canonically best friends, despite the sheer and frankly absurd number of people who are in straight denial at this very simple fact; we got a highly romantic-coded scene in 126, with hanji confessing of wanting to live with levi and if i have to be honest it’s much harder to assume such a sentence in this specific context could be taken as platonic rather than romantic because i certainly don’t go around waiting for my best friends to fall asleep before voicing my secret desires of running away and living with them and then blushing about it once i realized they were actually listening the whole time. the interpretation that hanji wanted to “live with themself” or blushed because “they were embarrassed at being caught in a moment of weakness because they were tired and voicing their tiredness” doesn’t make sense either, considering that in the uprising we got nearly the same dialogue with hanji telling levi they want to run away and levi giving them a pep talk, and there was no blushing involved. also, hanji would have no reason to blush around levi or feel embarrassment with him, they have way too much history together, are way too comfortable around each other and have seen each other at their worst too many times. we got an emotional farewell in 132 from levi, which gave us a weird reaction from hanji as if they had the sudden realization of their life in that precise moment and had to get away as quick as possible because of that realization. in the same chapter, there is a dialogue from levi which grammatically implies requited love from someone else who is not titans. you can’t really argue against grammar and yet there are some people who pull a muscle reaching to invalidate even grammar. plus, the fact that the kanji was modified in the published volume and exchanged for a kanji which is pronounced the same, has the same meaning but a much much deeper connotation of love. then, all the parallels with EM.

now, onto these parallels. i’ve seen people deny these parallels and really, it seems to me like we’re reading two different stories. let’s say, i’m an artist/writer and when i draw/write i try to communicate something, which is why the way i portray my subjects is never casual and always very calculated. let’s say, i want to create a scene between two lovers and i want to communicate their love in a way that’s clear to everyone, so i rely on romantic tropes like physicality and intimate eye contact to convey their feelings on the page. this is to say, from someone who is actually both an artist and a literature student, in a work of fiction it’s highly unlikely that such blatant parallels aren’t done on purpose. if it weren’t done on purpose, it would be mere, lazy recycling of panels, because let’s be honest here, the poses are the same, the context is the same, the words are the same.

and that’s really all i have to say on this topic. i’m obviously not in any way implying that you have to see LH as romantic, it is not my intention at all. we’re all allowed to have different interpretations of canon, god knows i do it all the time in all my fandoms. but i’d also like for people to start being more objective and less biased. because this bias, for some reason, is particularly strong when it comes to levi and hanji possibly loving each other romantically. people get weirdly defensive about this. but i stand by my point, i do believe LH is a romantic pair in canon and i gave my reasons for believing such a thing. i also stand by the fact that if any other ship, not necessarily involving L and H, i mean any other ship with any other character, had gotten the very same scenes in canon, there’d be a vast majority of people unanimously accepting it as canon, but since it’s LH there is a ✨strange reluctance✨ that i haven’t seen with any other pair in all my years of fandom.

we’re never getting a scene in which two awkward adults confess their undying love for each other kissing at sunset while shoujo bubbles, rose petals and sparkles dramatically surround them and a violin plays a romantic tune. it’s not in line with the manga nor the characters. however, we do have plenty of canon material and it’s good enough for me in its “ambiguity” which at the end of the day, isn’t ambiguity at all. an author puts ambiguity because they want to purposely create more than one interpretation, which is to say that it is, as a matter of fact, perfectly valid to see romantic tones, it’s not “reaching” or “being delusional” in any way because it was the intention of the author to begin with. If yams hadn’t wanted to create romantic tensions, he would have done so point blank. in creating an “ambiguity”, he is actively offering on a silver plate the implication that there is more than what the eye sees and reads at first in the panels and the speech bubbles, if you delve deeper into them. it’s a simple story-telling trick, i wouldn’t exactly call this “ambiguity” (which i’m even quite reluctant to define as such, as it’s quite “unambiguous” in its “ambiguity” that “disambiguates” itself. I’M DEEPLY SORRY FOR TWISTING YOUR BRAIN INTO A KNOT BUT I PROMISE THIS MAKES SENSE IN MY HEAD SJFJDMDJDJ) an example of “chekhov’s gun”, but if it’s there, it’s there for a reason.

again, thank you for your question 💜

#levihan

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hiraemy · 3 years

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Lumine and The Goblet of Fire

Word count: roughly 2.7k for this part

disclaimer: first of all, this au was heavily inspired by @majunju 's incredible art! she made chilumi as beauxbatons and durmstrang students and my brain went brrr so i had to write something for them??

both Genshin Impact and Harry Potter are not created by me. However, i took the liberty to mix a lot of concepts in this AU, so have that in mind when reading.

for sake of plot, lets pretend that Durmstrang is located in Russia. Lumine, Paimon and Aether are the only ones from Beauxbatons, while the rest are from Hogwarts unless mentioned otherwise. All the characters that have adult models, like Jean, Lisa, Kaeya and Diluc are presumed to be adults, with Childe being the only exception. Also, all the characters that use children or teens’ models are students, with a few exceptions like Venti and Scaramouche [mihoyo pls stop giving us confusing ages and body models i never asked you anything]

(please, have in mind that english is like, my third language, if you notice a spelling or grammar error, feel free to message me!)

Act One: Lumine and her stupid impulse control

“I’m going to put my name on it.” Aether broke the silence suddenly

“What...? No! Oh god, I expected that from Paimon, but you’re just as bad as her!”

There were a lot of things that Lumine hated.

Open shoes. A very specific type of silk-flower based perfume(Aether once tried it because he wanted to impress a girl, but it ended stinking for two weeks straight). History of Magic. Condensed slime— those that Paimon loved, but she couldn’t even see it without being sick—, potions that took more than one single day to brew. But the worst, certainly was—

“C’mon, Lumine! You’re just afraid that you’re going to get your ass kicked in the tournament!”

...when Aether was being dumb.

“No, I’m not!” She countered quickly, ignoring the way Aether smirked like he knew exactly what buttons to push. Actually, it wasn't that far from reality, if she was being honest. She eyed the paper carelessly torn from his notebook that had his name as if she could burn it only with the power her heavy gaze. “You’re being dumb! Are you deaf or something? DIdn’t you hear them saying that the Triwizard Tournament has a high death count?”

“Paimon is sure it isn’t that bad!” The half-fairy smiled at her, eyes twinkling in greed and mischief. Lumine narrowed her eyes at the way she happily jumped in her steps, staying afloat in air for more time than it was normal to common humans “After all, they're opening it again, right? I’m certain that the ministry has done something to make it safer!”

“You’re the one to talk! You don’t care about anything other than the mora!” Lumine was quick to shut her down, sending a glare that didn’t affect any of the two. In that moment, the three of them entered the hall which had the Goblet of Fire in its full glory, a bunch of Hogwarts students surrounding it like curious birds, eager to know which students were applying for the tournament.

“Have a bit of faith, wont’ya?” Aether smiled boyishly, flicking his wand from his sleeve and hitting it slightly at the top of his head, also giving a wave to a bunch of ravenclaw girls that awed at his presence. He continued in his confident stride, each step leaving him closer to the Goblet “Arent I the best of our school when it comes to Charms? Besides, I have my beautiful, great and awesome sister which of course, will give her full support and use her full knowledge to—”

“Shut up, you know it's not that what I’m concerned with!” Lumine hissed, grabbing her brother’s wrist and tugging, lowering her voice. In the corner of her eye, she saw the Dumstrang guys eyeing her, Aether and Paimon like wolves, ready to pounce on them. “You heard the rumors, right? Please, don’t tell my you’re that reckless-”

“What rumors?” Paimon squeaked, her eyes going wide for a fraction.

“The Fatui. You know them, right? The Tsaritsa’s pawns.” She whispered, narrowing her golden eyes and not daring to let her guard down when she was in the same room as the Durmstrang and Hogwarts students. “There are rumours that they are at the move. Some say that her personal minions, The Harbingers, are also involved in some dark scheme around Hogwarts.”

“Nah. You’re just being paranoid, there’s no way someone of that caliber would be here" Aether raised his eyebrow and Lumine wanted to tug her hair out in pure frustration. “Besides, it’s not like I'm some helpless dead weight. I know I already said it before, but I’m really confident it’s going to be fine.”

“Aether is right, Paimon thinks you should relax!” The white-haired girl smiled brightly, nodding her head to herself. “Or even better, you could enter the tournament too! It would make our chances of representing Beauxbatons even higher!”

“Don’t you ever listen to me? Why would I—” Before she could complete her nagging, Aether quickly threw his paper into the Goblet, the flames flickering aggressively before consuming his entry. Her mouth fell open in disbelief, but the crowd around them didn’t seem to notice her reaction as they gave a round of applause for her twin.

“What, Lumi? Are you afraid of losing?” He made a point of taunting her with the most infuriating shit-eating grin he had “Or… Maybe you’re not up to the challenge…? Y’know, it’s really okay if you feel too scared to face some bad guys—”

Ah. Right.

Aether knew how much she loathed being underestimated.

“Shut up!”

"Aww, there is no need to be this angry! I'm your big brother, of course I'll know when you feel too scared to put your name on the Goblet! It's okay to feel insecure, and I think it is better for you to not enter as you might not be able to—"

The crowd cheered again as the Goblet of Fire consumed another entry from Beauxbatons Academy.

“Lumi—”

“Shut up, im still mad at you.”

Aether smiled sheepishly under his sister’s heavy glare and Paimon giggled. Lumine also sent her a heated look, making the half-fairy squeal childishly.

“Luuuuumi!” Aether whined, making her sigh. “Don’t be mad at me! You were the one who put your name on the Goblet, right?”

“Don’t act like you’re innocent! You know damn well what you did—” She hissed like a annoyed cat. Aether pouted and tried to trap his sister into a hug, but she slapped him away on pure instinct.

“Chill, chill! At least we’re getting a feast tonight, right? Not like we don’t eat well in any of the other nights, but a guy told me that Hogwarts’s food is really amazing on these special days!” Aether pleaded, the bright grin revealing how amused he was with his sister’s grumpiness.

“Free food is great, but free great food is even better! There is absolutely no way you can be mad after you eat, right?” Paimon tried, and Lumine let out an even more tired sigh. “Besides, a lot of students applied for Beauxbatons! What are the chances of you being chosen, especially since you don’t actually want to do it?”

“Shut up Paimon, you just jinxed it,” Lumine scolded half heartedly, tucking her notebook under her arm.

The bunch of Hogwarts students were a handful. Even with the merged classes to accomodate the Beauxbatons and Durmstrand delegations, it seemed like the hosting school’s own students were never going to be used to see them in the classrooms and corridors of the castle. Everywhere they went, their blue uniforms made the crowds stare them down with admiration, suspicion, curiosity or even anger in some cases.

Aether and her were somehow getting even more stares than the other Beauxbatons students. Her twin shined under the spotlight, offering a gentle smile to the brave girls who tried to talk to him sometimes —how strange it was to see her brother gathering a bunch of fangirls—, but she felt uncomfortable under the attention.

“You’re too tense, Lumi” Her brother chimed, as if he could read her thoughts. His arms were carelessly fold behind his head and he shot her a gentle smile. “No one is going to bite your head off if you smile a bit, right? Just relax!”

“Now, the moment you all have been waiting for...! The Champion Selection!” The Headmaster, Barbatos announced, his voice carrying in the big hall and being able to shush all chatter. With a swoosh of his hands, the lights on the walls dimmed down, leaving the Goblet of Fire as the main attraction.

Lumine felt a shudder in her spine, knowing that despite seeming like a simple gesture, the skill level required to perform a wandless and also wordless spell was higher than everything could even imagine herself doing. Deep inside her gut, the respect she had for the Hogwarts Headmaster was raised to the roof, especially since his appearance was nothing but of a kind and carefree young boy.

Below the table, her hands were connected in a silent prayer. Her luck couldn’t be that bad, could it?

If everything went well, neither her or Aether would be chosen.

“Mr. Alberich, would you like to do the honors?” Barbatos asked a blue-haired man, who Lumine vaguely recalled being a member of the Ministry of Magic named Kaeya. As he nodded and approached the Goblet, she felt her shoulders getting even more tenser.

The flames flickered aggressively, but Kaeya didn’t seem to be intimidated by it. He slowly extended his hand, the fire spiking suddenly and changeling from blue to a menacing pink as it spat a piece of paper.

“From Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Albedo!”

The crowd— majority being from Hogwarts itself, the hosting school— cheered loudly, the most excited ones being from Ravenclaw. A boy dressed in blue rose from his seat, his ash-blonde hair styled in a braid at the back of his head and teal eyes immediately catching Lumine’s attention. He quickly went to the front and was guided by one of the teachers to a backroom, disappearing from everyone’s view. Mr. Alberich waited until the cheers died down to announce the next Champion, the flames shaking as if the own Goblet was impatient. Finally, with a burst of green, another paper flew into his hands

“From Durmstrang Institute, Childe!”

This time was the turn of the students seated at the end of Slytherin’s table to scream, a lot of figures rising at once and making it almost impossible to pinpoint who exactly was Childe. However, Lumine could see how a tall guy with a slim build was receiving some strong pats on his back, his messy ginger hair being attacked by another short guy who was too enthusiastic. His eyes still glinted with pride and excitement, even if the neatness of his red uniform was entirely ruined by his peers.

She clapped politely, lowkey still distressed about the next Champion. She was suddenly startled when the guy, who was definitely Childe as he finally went to the front, made unexpected eye contact with her. His eyes lingered a few seconds more than she would be comfortable to admit, making her even more anxious.

Mr. Alberich approached the Goblet again for the third name. For some reason, Lumine thought that the man was being slow on purpose, or that the Goblet was being too indecisive, as the flames flickered between blue, yellow and orange aggressively for a few seconds. Everyone else seemed to notice this too, a few curious whispers breaking out between the students. Kaeya narrowed his eyes and then, not a second too late, the Goblet spat the last entry.

“From Beauxbatons Academy…”

Her stomach dropped and she thought she would throw up on the spot.

“...Lumine!”

Aether screamed the loudest, right beside her ears. Paimon came to a close second though, shaking her by her shoulders like a ragdoll as if there wasn't a tomorrow.

"Lumi! Lumi! What are you waitin' for? Go to the front!" She got up, feeling her stomach do all the kinds of flips and lowkey dizzy. Her head couldn't even register properly the cheers, her mind too busy shouting all the bad words she knew at her mental images of Paimon and her brother.

She took in a deep inhale, keeping her breath until she was in the front of the whole hall, right in front of the teachers. Lumine saw the Beauxbatons Headmaster’s eyes take her in with slight tension in his slender fingers and she couldn’t help but to feel out of place.

"Mr. Zhongli…" She greeted quietly at the man, his tiny nod being the only thing to indicate his acknowledgment. He quickly led her into the backroom she saw both Champions go before, his brown cape flying elegantly behind him with every step.

"Miss Lumine, what a pleasant surprise… I must admit I didn't expect you to put your name in the Goblet." Zhongli started as a matter of fact, even if his eyebrow had a curious arch, as if expecting her to explain this turn of events.

“Yeah, neither did I, if I’m being honest.” She sighed, her hand wrapping around her stomach to hopefully help with the nausea and anxiousness

“Be assured, I’m sure the Goblet of Fire made an excellent choice for our school.” Zhongli said, his voice acquiring a softer tone, probably noticing how the blonde fidgeted a lot. Lumine clenched her fists, taking a deep breath. The man didn’t say anything else, and both of them reached a room decorated with Hogwarts’ trophies from the many tournaments held before.

She immediately saw Childe in a corner, poking a shiny statue that seemed to react at his mean touches, his eyes shining with some kind of rush and impatience she really didn’t want to explore any further. A tall woman, with elegant white hair that reached at her waist and ice blue eyes, slapped his hand harshly, freeing the poor statue from the Dumstrang’s clutches. Lumine didn’t know who exactly this woman was— It was common knowledge that Durmstrang Institute’s headmaster couldn’t be bored to attend the tournament personally—, but she could assume safely that she was at least a teacher.

With his distraction taken forcefully from him, Childe finally seemed to notice Lumine, turning on his heels with hands on his pockets. The witch felt another chill, incredibly uncomfortable with his heavy gaze analysing every feature, but she prayed to every god that she could at least maintain the stoic features she was quite infamous for. His blue eyes stopped carefully to analyze her face— a fact that she pretended to not notice by looking away—, with a satisfied(?) smirk appearing on his face that screamed bad intentions.

It took more than she would like to admit to pretend she wasn't the least affected by his heavy gaze on the side of her face. Her arms crossed around her face, her hand resting discreetly above the hidden pocket in her blazer that had her wand. Golden eyes searched the room again for another distraction, until they landed on the figure of the ash blonde boy chosen for Hogwarts.

He was pretty, no one could deny that, but even if he had those stupid charming eyes of his, there still was something about him that really threw her off. She couldn't exactly pinpoint it, but Lumine was sure that Albedo had some kind of deep dark secret kept hidden in himself. Was the whole Harbinger thing making her paranoid?

Before she could answer her own question, Barbatos entered the room with other Hogwarts teached in tow. The three of them— her, Childe and Albedo— came closer to the fireplace where everyone gathered, eyeing the teachers and the Headmaster who stood in front of them in a neutral position, except for mr. Zhongli, who was behind her, and the mysterious woman she supposed was Childe's teacher behind him. Occupying the vacant space, a pretty woman immediately went to stand at Albedo's back. She had light-brown hair and alluring green eyes, but the most iconic feature was her curvy body accentuated by her purple dress.

If she had to guess, she would assume that she was Ravenclaw's house head. Technically, Barbatos had to be a neutral party, as the hosting Headmaster, even if everyone knew his favouritism towards his own school.

"Well, now that we're back here, far from prying eyes, guess I can finally drop the formalities!" The small man suddenly said with a big smile, catching her off guard. In the corner of eye, she saw that Childe had a similar reaction, but Albedo seemed exasperated. "I must say, this year's competition is going to be tough. But I'm sure you three will be able to handle it just fine, hehe!"

Oh god. Was Barbatos like this in real life…? Suddenly, the previous mighty and ruthless image she had of the Headmaster was shattered. All the books talked about him as one of the seven great wizards of the last war, so she expected something more… Aggressive?

"Venti, please." For a greater surprise, Mr. Zhongli seemed used to his attitude, poorly hiding his smile behind a fist.

"Yeah, right. The Triwizard Tournament" He forced a cough, hardening his expression and straightening his posture. "From now on, Mister Childe, Mister Albedo and Miss Lumine will face difficult trials to determine which one of you is the greater wizard. I should also mention that the prize will be eternal glory and ten million mora, of course."

"We already warned you before, but let me repeat it. If you don't take these challenges seriously, you'll probably be squashed to the ground." Mr. Alberich stated bluntly.

"Is there a chance of dying?" Childe asked, the way his head tilted indicating that he wasn't asking just because he was scared.

"There were a few casualties some years before, but this time, the Ministry is making sure to bring some precautionary methods." He answered cooly, his expression not changing the slightest. "That being said, we still stand on the recommendation that you take extreme caution."

He didn't deny it. The fact didn't pass above any of the students' minds, Lumine tensing her shoulders, Childe grinning madly and Albedo pressing his lips.

"Anyway, about the first task," Barbatos took the lead again, a satisfied smirk on his lips. "The three of you will face an ability challenge. In other words, you'll be facing magic combat right from the start."

"Against each other?" Lumine asked, not wanting to fight Childe even in her dreams. He exhaled some mad, maybe sociopath vibes if she looked at it from a certain angle, and she certainly didn't want to test her theory.

"Nope," Barbatos said easily, tilting his head in fake innocence "Where's the fun in that? I can't say anything else, since it's supposed to be a secret until the trial— Ah, by the way, about the test, it will be on November 24th. You have two weeks to prepare, so have fun!"

Forget every good thing she had thought of him before. He was a Madman. She was surrounded by a bunch of madmans.

Oh dear lord.

#genshin impact #genshin #genshin lumine #paimon #aether #genshin childe #Chilumi #fiction #wow look at me again #brain go brrrr #getting into another fandom be like #brainstorming for 30 hours #and then regretting all life choices #aether is dumb but we love him anyway #paimon is a half fairy sorry i dont make the rules

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everyhowlmarksthedead · 4 years

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❛ THE TALK ❜

First chapter of ‘Someone you loved’ with Michael ‘Riz’ Ariza.

Warnings: none.

Word count: about 1.1k

Aurora says: this writing hasn't been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I'm sorry about that!

Gif credits: to my wonderful @sonsofeorl ✨

Masterlist. You can subscribe to my broadcast list, to be notified whenever I post a writing!

Your forearms are rested over the wooden railings of the porch, holding an empty beer between your hands. Your eyes go from one face to another, touring the whole crowded yard. The latin music flows between the bodies dancing all around, in sync with some people singing, laughing or simply talking. You weren't in the mood for a party, but when other charters come to the city, you are obligated to make an appearance. Daydreaming, you can see yourself cuddling with him on your sofa, with a movie on the background and a bunch of kisses roaming your face. In silence, just enjoying each other's company. But, since that new Vicki's girl came a couple weeks ago, you're starting to lose him. All the opportunities that maybe you could have are over. And it's a little painful when your orbs fall into them. Elisa is sitting on his lap, surrounding Riz's neck with both arms. So chummy that your jealousy is consuming you faster than a fire.

Having a last sip from your beer, you let a sigh escape from your lips. You know when to withdraw in time, even if you are already loaded to your fingertips with love for him. Tossing the empty bottle into the trash, you come inside the clubhouse to grab your bag and hide in the Templo. Leaving the door almost closed, you sit on your father's chair on the front of the table. Legs over it, crossed, lighting up a cigarette between your lips. Tilting your head back, the smoke pops off of your throat to the atmosphere in a painful and silent howl. Taking your big headphones, you put them onto your ears playing some rock music, in a crude attempt to forget him enough time until your father tells you that you can leave.

The first song isn't finished when you feel something small and metallic impacts with your face. Concretely, with your forehead. Frowning, you sit up, rolling down the headphones to hang by your neck. Riz is closing the door completely, in the meantime that you're having a heart attack. Carrying two beers, the mexican has a seat by your side on Taza's chair. But not without kissing your cheek first. Offering you one drink, he makes a toast before having a sip and placing his forearms on the edge of the table.

“Didn't know you came, until Bishop told me”.

“Yeah, I ain't… feeling good”. It's not a lie, but it's not the truth.

“I was waiting for you, needing to talk”.

“About what?” You shrug, curling your knees against your chest, as if it could avoid that your heart flew off at some point.

“You know, ah… We're friends”. He says, opening a hand over the wood as a light gesture. Riz puts his gaze away from you, almost biting his tongue while the tip of it presses the inside of his cheek. “I would like to ask you for advice”.

There it is. Your worst nightmare acting in real life. When your brain reconnects, you just nod one time with your chin.

“I think I'm in love”.

You don't know exactly why you are surprised, you had it coming. Drinking from your bottle, you clean your lips with the back of your forefinger. Another nod with your eyes lost in somewhere.

“But she's younger than me”.

“Age is just a number, Riz”. You reply, trying to sound as his friend. Trying to not send him to hell for not noticing that you are totally in love with him.

“Yeah, I know, but… Do you know, people care a lot about it”.

“I don't think so”.

The man turns his body a little more towards you.

“Would you date a guy much older than you?” He raises an eyebrow, seeming interested.

Absolutely, you think.

“Why not?” You say.

“Okay, so… how would you confess your love for someone?”

This can't be really happening. You need the earth to swallow you right now. Drinking again, you lie back against your chair. You don't have to think about it. You have been dreaming about telling him how much you love him thousands times.

“I would tell that… someone that I can't breathe whenever I see him smiling. That his voice sounds like that song I play on repeat any time I feel sad, because listening to that song makes me happy. That the only thing I want to do it's spend the rest of my life by his side. That any time I feel him close I feel butterflies in my stomach. That I love him in his bad moments more than in his good ones”. Your eyes are over your finger, breaking the stick on the beer into small pieces, placing them over the table while your cigarette gets consumed on the ashtray. “That I wish he could see himself as I see him, because I have never met a man like him. That I would give my life for him and that… if I die, I would come for him again”.

Licking your bottom lip, you raise your orbs at his. Riz is amazed. Simply amazed. But a little confused because he has noticed the pain in your voice. Forcing a smile, you shrug your shoulders.

“I think that's a start”. Whispering, you have another sip, before having a smoke from your cig; shaking the ashes into the ashtray.

Now he knows that you are in love too, but he also knows that you don't want to talk about it. So Riz doesn't ask.

“Listen… That girl is lucky that you fell for her. She will not care about age. I told you, I wouldn't. You're more than a number, Michael. You're brave, and loyal. You take care of all of us, even if you think we don't see it. You're the most kind and respectful man I have ever known. And yes… It's your best friend who is telling you that, but it's the pure truth”.

“Thank you”. He mumbles a little nervous, playing with his beer as you were doing some seconds ago.

“Ask her for a date. That's another start. There's nothing wrong with playing the field, Riz”.

“Should I do it now? Is it pretty sudden?”

“It's one am, wait till tomorrow”.

“Okay…” He replies somewhat thoughtfully, putting his eyes on yours. “Okay, that gives me some time to think exactly what I want to say”.

“Yeah…”

“Anyway, you look tired. Want a ride back home?”

“Nah, don' worry. I will walk”.

“Walk? Your house is forty-five minutes away”. He laughs loud, and you pretend yo chuckle because it's stupid, but you don't want to be with him right now, or touch him, or talk to him. “C'mon, baby. Let me take you home”.

You know that you don't have anything to fight against when he begs you, just nodding as you get up from your chair.

#mayans mc x reader #mayans mc imagine #mayans x reader #mayans mc #michael riz ariza x reader #riz ariza x reader #michael riz ariza #riz ariza

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i-am-just-a-kiddo · 3 years

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Fic Writer Interview Meme

tagged by dear @vishcount 💕 am sending you a lot of love because you are doing amazing, even if it doesn’t feel like it. don’t be so harsh on yourself. and thank you for the tag, I did my best.

tagging @cortue, @intyalote, @the-cloud-whisperer, @not-saying-revolution-but and every writer that sees this and wants to do it!

I was rambling again so there’s the usual cut

name: here just kiddo please - iamjustakiddo on ao3

fandoms: just for shits and giggles am gonna try and list all the fandoms i’ve written for? roughly chronologically speaking, my first fic was for Kuroshitsuji and the we go to Harry Potter, SKAM, Narnia, Sherlock Holmes (unpublished), Peter Pan (unpublished) - I don’t write for any of these anymore? except for Narnia which I might return to when the mood hits. I’ve written a ton for BTS and The Untamed, and still wish to write more for Nirvana in Fire. I’ve also written for Winter Begonia, Hwarang and YYY: The Series. Current WIPs are Word Of Honor, The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty, Original Sin - none of those will probably see the light of day. I’ve also had thoughts of writing for Killer and Healer, Strangers from Hell and Avatar: The Last Airbender.

two-shot: hmm I guess my two oneshots for YYY could count as a two shot? am not sure, but I simply had different ideas and seperated them instead of writing one coherent oneshot.

most popular multi-chapter fic: my BTS Mafia AU Take Me Into Your Skin. I’m quite proud of this one because it was my first ever multichaptered story back when I wrote it in 2018 and it turned out to be over 160k words long, which is just wild? I guess I cringe at it a lot and I would change a lot about it now, but am still proud of it because I had a lot of fun and am still fond of the story. (Statistics - Subscriptions: 144 / Hits: 18319 / Kudos: 519 / Comment Threads: 83 / Bookmarks: 295)

actual worst part of writing: everything currently. I feel a little bit like an imposter doing these games right now, cause I haven’t written anything that I’m truly proud of recently (or like, this past year I guess). This slump is very hard to get out of. Under normal circumstances, the worst part of writing is when I know what I wanna write but it doesn’t come out? and when every sentence just sounds horrible and not at all how I imagined. Also the physical act of writing is difficult because I get tired so easily and when I don’t manage to get into hyperfocus and a nice flow, it’s just exhausting.

also coming up with summaries, fuck that.

how you choose your titles: i’m very basic and usually use some quotes or lyrics, but recently I’ve been trying to be more creative with my titles? I need to exercise that because I truly wanna learn how to come up with my own titles that sound nice. I suck at them so much

do you outline: absolutely. my memory sucks badly so I always try to keep an overview in my notebooks because I can’t trust my brain to remember all the important details I come up with. Working with notes is also so freeing because I’m free to do anything I want and don’t need to worry about actually writing it? I like having visuals for my stories so it feels like an anchor I can hold on to when I’m lost.

ideas you probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice: oh boy this is difficult, because I don’t have specifics for any of these ideas and that’s why I never get around to do them? I guess bringing my Wen Kexing and Wang Zhi character studies into shape is the most doable project rn. I would also love to finish my Original Sin fic because I really want to write a proper case-fic with actual plot but am just so stuck on that and too stupid for my own criminal cases so currently I’ve put that on hold.

An idea that I’ve had for years now is a Sokka/Suki/Toph future fic? I would ignore what happens in LOK and for some reason I’m stuck on the thought that I want to explore this OT3? I want to explore how in their adult lives, they would fit together and especially how Toph could work as addition to the relationship Sokka und Suki have? I would love to explore the individual relationships they have with each other but I’m also very nervous about it because I’ve never written for ATLA and I don’t know if I can explore this properly.

another idea that’s been on my mind ever since Singularity dropped is a taegi Dorian Gray AU? I’ve already done a little bit of research about 19th century Korea and Korean portrait paintings because of course, I would wanna make it as historically accurate as I can manage but honestly, I feel this project is quite hopeless. I think I also have very conflicting ideas about how I should do this and if it’s even a good idea to realise.

Recently I’ve been thinking about writing a slow-burn enemies to lovers adventure story because I have Cravings. I don’t know if this would be an original project or some type of AU for some fandom, but I just really want to write about two people on opposite sides clashing together and having to work together, forming a reluctant bond and just. exploring the progress of that? Maybe there would be horses, probably historical, or maybe fantasy? I have no idea, I just wish I could write something like this some day.

callouts @ me: stop being pretentious. not everything needs to be existential dread. don’t project all your issues into every character you write. not every sentence you write needs to be a Masterpiece and sometimes less is more. bring more structure to your stories instead of just aimlessly drifting. learn grammar for god’s sake.

best writing traits: i have no idea sorry. maybe that I heavily rely on my empathy? but i truly do not know.

spicy tangential opinion: I don’t have any spicy opinions I think? Just do what you enjoy. Write what you want, you can worry about what to with it after. If you want to get rid of thoughts just do it. Don’t think about how it looks to other people, because unless you show it someone, it’s your art. It’s okay if it takes time, even if it’s frustrating. Pressure doesn’t help with creating art so maybe allow it to grow organically. is this spicy enough yet? don’t let people tell you you are less of a writer because you do things differently. there are methods, ideas, guides, advice - but there shouldn’t be rules to what makes you writer. everyone works differently. and to everyone who struggles - i know it sucks but as long as you find joy in writing, it’s not hopeless. sometimes things need a break or sometimes it needs a different shape and that’s okay ❤ did I reach the level of spiciness required here?

summing up, I just wanna send strength to all writers out there because oh boy do we need it! and sending a lot of gratitude to all the fic-writers out there that have made my nights and days more enjoyable by sharing their passion.

#thank you dear #i know we are both frustrated lately but we will get there #i believe in you #and i try to believe in myself too #it's fine #and doing things like these might be motivating?#or bring things into perspective #anyway #here i go #tag game #personal #writing

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kanene-yaaay · 3 years

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No Moving

Kanene’s note: One year ago I threw a surprise party (very small and cozy) in my house and, after some hours, one of mah friends suggested we played some old games from our childhood and I remember my first thought was “Hey, no. We’re not children anymore.” but I said nothing because that sounded a lot like what society would want me to say. We played. And that was one of the best days I’ve ever had. Good enough to give me inspiration for this fanfic. With a lot of chaos and dorky sides and chaos and tickles!!! So I'm giving this to myself as a gift, because, ya know... S e r o t o n i n! Soooo, the lesson? Idk. Be feral, do chaos, play and f**k the society, I guess. Happy day for us all!!! :DD

Warnings, fun facts, random things and stuff:

* This characters don’t belongs to me! They all belong to Thomas Sanders and his series Sanders Sides!

* This is a SFW tickle fanfic, so, if you don’t appreciate this kind of content, please, look for another blog. There are a plenty of fabulous arts in this site!! ^w^)b

* This is Ler!Roman and Ler!Virgil with Lee!Logan and Lee!Patton. Around 3.700 words.

* Sorry for any spelling, pontuation and grammar mistakes! Any and every advice is very very welcome! \(-w-)/

* Eu vou traduzir ainda ;w;. Thank you so so so much for being with me through all this crazy and difficult year. It’s been a bless to have all of you in my notes, my askys, and my notifications! Take care of yourself, lollipop, you deserve. <33

[~*~]

It was a sunny day. The heat from the biggest star of our solar system being placated by a relaxing wind incessantly throwing the napkins from the so careful, yet messy – as if this wasn’t a tradition the quartet repeated affectionately every single year – decorated table. The friends positioned themselves around it. The surprise party’s rush being already over after all their screaming, singing, eating and bickering, leaving the four to lazily chat or stare the breeze carrying lonely flowers around Virgil’s – the one who offered his house as a sacrifice to the chaos - yard, making them float in the air for some seconds before forgetting them on the dirt again.

Virgil snored softly from the spot he conquered on the tabletop, taking a peaceful nap. Patton was saying, in the fastest pattern he could muster, all the dad jokes his brain managed to think only to see how much time Logan would continue to give him the silent treatment before finally – and figuratively, the owner of the only brain cell of their group would say if he heard this narrative, - exploded and Roman?

Well, Roman was bored.

“I HAVE AN IDEA!!”

Then he slammed his hands on the top of the wooden object, successfully scaring Virgil out of it and of his sleeping – leading the poor adult to fall. Not before kicking a cup in Roman’s direction, his moves being weakened enough by his fogged brain so he missed it and hit Roman’s carefully manicured hands, instead, – at the same Patton, by reflex, slapped the two poor persons who had the bad luck of sitting next to him. He gathered the perfect timing to interrupt Logan’s scared jump by his confused ‘Why did- why- Why did you hit ME?’ sputtering.

“Ow.” The one in red shirt held protectively his arm and hand next to his chest, protesting with his usual offended noises as analyzed the light red spots on them and purposely ignored the ‘What the FUCK, Princey??’ shouted by the host. “Ow. O-w. Are you guys seriously going to hit me every time I try to make your poor lifes better, your barbarians? You know what? I am offended. Your peasants. I am going to get my dear Amanda the katana and then I am- I am out.”

Logan deadpanned in his direction, lifting one of his eyebrows in his disbelief expression as the other didn’t give a single step to the exit. He did his best to maintain the façade as Patton fuzzed over him, hugging and apologizing and hugging and softly petting his head and offering cake before gasping and turning around to fuzz now over Roman. “… Okay. I am taking Patton with me.”

“Over my dead, haunted body.” Virgil quickly proclaimed before his tune got slurred, very much likely still sleepy. “I saw…” He balanced his hands in front of him, eyes wide and hair spiked, very much reminding of a scared cat. “I saw the angel of death, in all his tall dark, cold aura. In front of me. He was right before me, full of-” He moved his hands more, as if that compensated for his lack of words. “Emo.”

“…Thanatos?” Logan pointed.

“Yeah, yeah. That guy.” Virgil came back to his initial position laying down on the cold surface, yawing. “Totally emo.”

“Actually, when he was created-”

“Excuse me. Focus, focus!” The one who initiated the commotion snapped his fingers until all the eyes were fixated on him, glares traveling from interested to unimpressed. “My brilliant idea? That will light up this party and hearts? Drum the drums!” Silence. He turned to Patton, who was staring at a cute butterfly mindless flying around. “Patton! The drums!” The one wearing black rims seemed to come back to reality, drumming his fingers on the table. “Very well!” Roman spun, extending the suspense. Logan came back to scrolling on his phone, Virgil getting closer to take a look, both hiding a smirk when heard the pout in Roman’s tune. “You’re all jerks and boring. Let’s play S.T.O.P!”

That caught their attention.

“Roman, you are…” Logan talked slowly, as if trying to make his words as clear as possible, “aware that we’re adults now, right?”

“Aw, come on, guys!” Patton jolted upright. “Sounds fun! And I think Virgil’s yard is bigger enough to make it even better than when we played in middle school!”

“Exactly! And it was one of your favorites games when you were younger, remember, Specs? I think it’s a good way to celebrate that special date which is your birthday!” Logan scoffed at that, albeit his mind was somewhere else.

Roman wasn’t wrong, he really used to love this game, especially because he was good at it. His love for sports was often ignored by most of his classmates because of his good grades – Logan never understood why one thing would exclude other – therefore he was constantly forgotten in the team or even underestimated. Two things extremely crucial in a game like this. Roman noticed his contemplating face. “I mean, except you are afraid of losing. Again.”

“I did not lose! Kyle fell on me and he was the only one supposed to be out and not both of us and you. Know. It!”

“No, no, no! Claire said you were the one who tripped on your way and then YOU fell on Kyle-”

“That is nonsense! If Claire had stopped just one second her Dance of Victory, she would be able to see that, by the angle we both were on the ground there was no way I would be able to-”

“Oh, plu-e-ase. You are just a sore los-”

“What is this game?” Virgil questioned Patton, both letting the bickering fall on the background, who smiled widely, his gaze unfocusing a bit, probably watching some old memories of his childhood.

“It is a very simple but fun game!! One person stays next to a wall and, oh! We call him the Looker by the way! Or even some large thing and the others players stay the most away from him as possible. The person next to the wall has to count until a certain number of his choice and while he is counting everyone is free to wander around the place until he turns around, then every player has to freeze on the same spot and position they were. If you move and the Looker catches you, you’re out. You win if you touch the wall where he was. You can do everything you want as long the Looker is not staring at you.

“There was that one kid who managed to win the game by climbing a tree until he was close enough to jump from it and run to the wall before the Looker shouted he was out.” The one wearing two party hats as ‘cat hears’ stopped to breath. “Ah! Ah! Also! If you’re out you can choose to just watch the game or become the Looker’s partner and try to help him. Roman and Logan used to be the worst ever when together.” He giggled, sounding a bit hysteric.

“Hm. I think they used to call this ‘10 Seconds’ in my school, since you could count only further than 10 seconds.” Virgil then frowned. “Wait, why were they the worst?”

“Uhh, so, you see, the Lookers can use some… attics to try to make you move. Logan and Roman usually choose to-”

“I do NOT wish to participate.” Logan stated, crossing his arms stubbornly. Roman sighed.

“Well, you do you.” Roman then traveled his glare to the others two. “Are you guys coming? I’m the Looker.”

“I’m in!!” Patton excitedly got up, joggling his way to the yard, casting a slightly worried look at Logan, who was adjusting his chair in order to have a better view of the game. Virgil shrugged, taking off his hoodie and following them, quickly throwing a ‘You ok?’ as he passed next to the most professional of the group.

“Yes.” He deeply breathed, sounding calmer. “Yes, I am.” And then give him a bite of a smile.

Roman positioned himself before the colorful three foot tall concrete tunnel forgotten there by the last owner, barely catching with the corner of his field view his two friends whispering something to each other, the one wearing two party hats snickering behind his hand, bouncing as also choose a good position far away from him, who tried to not think much about what he just presented. A suspicious feeling crawled the back of his neck.

“Go.” Logan pronounced.

“Oneeeee, twooo, three, fourfivesixseveneight,” Roman turned away from them, counting in a tune just above a whisper. Patton and Virgil exchanged glances.

When he got at twenty, he turned.

Only to find Virgil laid on the grass, his arm extended to point something in the sky, Patton crouched by his side, his face firm in a puzzled expression staring in the same direction, hand above his eyes to block the Sun. Roman frowned in confusion, the curiosity tickling the back of his brain until he succumbed to it, also looking at the sky to - surprise, surprise! – find absolutely nothing!

By the time he stared at them again Patton now was in front of Virgil, both making what seemed like a very horrible parody of The Creation of Adam painting. Roman got closer, managing to clearly see the smug smile on Virgil’s face and Patton wobbly lips, very much likely holding laughter. He crossed his arms, staying stubbornly for some seconds before giving up, seeing that none of them moved a single millimeter.

“You two are so funny.” Roman rolled his eyes, sarcasm dropping from each word. Logan snorted.

This time the Looker counted at only fifteen seconds.

This time Patton was in Virgil’s arms when he turned, one leg suspended dramatically in the air. The third time Roman growled loudly as Virgil was on one knee, pretending to propose to Patton who was frozen in the middle of his faint. In the fourth he didn’t even have the chance to turn before two hands tased his sides, making his knees buckle but being held in the same place when a pair of arms that hugged him from behind, capturing the poor adult in a flow of high-pitched squeaks and surprised laughter at each squeeze and spidering deposited just above his hips.

Some minutes later soft snorts followed him to the ground when he was finally freed, flames running on his face and his arms firmly pressed at his sides, the ghost tickles leading to a sea of giggles dancing in the air.

“Enough.” Logan cut the moment, all the eyes on him when he got up, stretching and loosening his party tie. The Looker recomposed himself in order to sneak pokes and squeezes on the other two, who quickly dashed their way back to the yard. “You both clearly aren’t taking this seriously enough.” A dangerous gleam took over his eyes, staring intently to Roman, who instantly got the same kind of shine in his own glare, nodding in his direction. Both too much preoccupied to notice Virgil and Patton silently high fiving in the distance.

The game started again, now a very different electricity dancing in the air. Logan sensed an old feeling of nostalgia resting on his back as he analyzed the place and his opponents as things went by. Roman turned for at least three times – the perfect number for things to get really interesting, - before he decided to finally move from his place.

Silent steps, he went right to Patton. Logan breathed in relief, taking the opportunity to adjust his strategic position half behind the tree. Patton kept a pattern of switching from moving too fast in a round and then barely taking a step in the other, however, as Roman stopped before him, and for the way he soundless snickered as The Looker changed his target to Virgil, his weakness was still holding his laughter when stared for long periods of time.

Virgil was sitting on the grass. Again. A very good tactic when you tend to fidget or tremble a lot. He would stay in the same position for some rounds until in an explosion of energy dash forward when Roman wasn’t paying attention. The Looker crouched in front of him, his index finger pointing and almost touching his nose.

“You. I don’t trust you.”

And then there was Logan.

“You,” Roman stared in distance – not because of fear pffff of course not - Logan’s form half hidden by the foliage and trunk of the medium tree, his glass making his eyes gleam in a light even more enhanced due the shadow provided by the plant, the rest of his face being partially hidden because of his bangs falling on his features. “are fucking creepy. Stop.”

In the next round Patton gave everyone a heart attack when he screamed since he didn’t heard/saw Logan approaching his spot. Two more rounds. Virgil sneezed and lost his balance in a not very ideal mid-run position. Out.

“Oh, thank gracious, great goodness!! Come here, Knight Mare!! I have an idea!!” Virgil barely had time to stop swearing for losing before being recruited by Roman, who immediately began to whisper in his ear.

“What do you think they’re talking about?” Patton asked, both being close enough for the question doesn’t need to be spoken above a murmur.

“Not a good thing for us both, I am sure.” In that moment The Lookers turned and a cold shiver ran Logan who, for the way Patton trembled, wasn’t the only one. Adrenaline started pulsing on his veins when they approached, although the birthday person had no idea of why. His old memories too much buried under newer ones for him to catch them.

“Nooohoho.” The cat lover whined and the fact Roman clearly saw that but did nothing to point it, his only reaction being to expand his grin, worsened Logan fears, a ray of recognition finally shining on his mind. That should be how karma feels.

“Look at you both, just standing right there, not being allowed to move an only single inch. What a sad fate, don’t you think, Princey?”

“Oh, absolutely, emo. A horrible, wondrous thing, indeed. But you know what that would be perfect for?” Roman now was just a few centimeters away, the infinitesimal distance being cut when he inclined forward, his breath tickling Patton’s – Poor Patton – ear. “Revenge. You know, Pattycake, Hot Topic here told me the previous attack on my amazing person was your idea. And now that I stop to think, what a wonderful idea, don’t you think, Pat-pat?”

Virgil pulled lightly Roman’s shoulder, sensing the other about to crack but yet having too much fun to end this all so early. “But not now. No touching, right?”

“Oh, right, right. Of course, no touching!” He wiggled his fingers, barely away from the poor target’s ribs, his cheeks already beginning to get pink from blush. “No touching, no touching, no touching, but, most important than anything else: no. moving.”

“Oh, yeah.” Virgil took the opportunity to walk around, stopping right behind Patton, who firmly closed his eyes, the smile he carried getting bigger. “Because the exact, very moment when you can’t take the teases anymore so you break and move?” He tsked. “Then all your protection will be over and you will be all helpless and vulnerable for us to tickle,” He almost purred the words, in the slowest way possible. “tickle, tickle, tickle for hours and hours. Can you imagine that, Popstar? Our fingers prodding and squeezing and tickling every single ticklish spot they find?”

“Ohoho.” Roman evil laughed. “Tickle spots? My Dear Imbalanced Romance, our pipsqueak here doesn’t have any tickle spots. He IS a tickle spot. Ah! I can almost hear his hysteric high-pitched squeaks and giggles! Such an adorable, beautiful, cute melody to my ears. Actually, I don’t know if I will ever be able to stop, Virgil. It’s just all too beautiful and intoxicating, you know?”

“Mm hm,” The other seemed to stop to think. Patton felt like he was going to melt at any moment. “Well, we could always just keep going forever.”

“Of course!” Roman again ignored the slight trembling of the cat lover’s chest, probably due all the giggles trapped there. “Don’t you think it will be wonderful and oh, so, so fun, cutiepants? Receiving all the tickles and nuzzles and raspberries and tickle hugs and tickly butterfly kisses forever and ever and ever? ~” He sing-song the last part.

“But,” Logan almost jumped in the same place, not even realizing how much keyed up he was before Virgil’s breath attacked the back of his defenseless neck. Suddenly all his nerves were hype-aware that he couldn’t turn around or run or even rub away the tingles. Goosebumps ran freely across his spine. “Let’s not forget about our so sensitive nerd here too, right?”

“Sure. Sensitive.” If he didn’t know Roman for all these years, Logan would almost swear he was the Cheshire cat, his smirk almost blocking Patton who hugged himself behind him, giggling quietly. “Because the serious, smart, professional Logan would never be ticklish, right? That is such a childish thing and he definitely, definitely outgrow it for now.”

“Yup. I am sure that, if we slowly and thoroughly spider our fingers all the way up from his sides to his armpits, being sure to give each and every rib a special attention since we don’t want to let anyone feeling left out, there will be no reaction.”

“Absolutely! No reaction at all! Not even if we squeeze the hollows of his hips, or scribble on his already quivering tummy, or massage his shoulder blades or lightly, almost not touching, scratch his armpits… It will be all in vain since our birthday boy is not ticklish.”

“Which means: No wheezy, frantic laughter.”

“Or sputtering among his squeals.”

“Or cute snorts. Don’t forget the snorts.”

“And what about when the snorts get mixed with his belly laughter?”

“Ohh, that is some good shit you have there.”

Logan was dying. He was fucking dying and the only thin line keeping him alive was his stubborn nature. He could already feel his barrier cracking and crumbling right before him. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes, only to find both Lookers walking away back to the tunnels, not taking long before starting to count, this time out loud. The one with the, now freaking out, braincell began to snap his fingers non stop, trying to get away some of the built excited energy, some titters escaping from his lips during his happy stimming.

Roman and Virgil looked at each other and then the adorable scene right in front of them, deciding to have mercy and wait patiently for Logan and Patton – who yet didn’t stop giggling and hugging himself – to calm down.

(…)

One. Move.

And in the next second, they both were tackled on the ground.

“No, no, no!!! No!!” Patton was already giggling, trying to run from Roman’s firm hug, attacking with squeezes and scribbles in every spot he succeeded to research on the Looker as he also tried to escape from his friends’ hands attempting to hold him in the same place. “Wait, wait!” He cried, barely catching a glimpse of Logan’s trashing before an idea popped in his mind. “If we all gang up on Logan, I will tell about his secret tickle spot!!”

“Patton!!” Logan’s protest came out difficulty between his tight grin due his constant effort in trying to buckle Virgil from him, both struggling to immobilize the other and playfully rolling in the grass. “Don’t you fucking dare.”

“Pffft.” Roman said, a happy cry following his sentence when he finally managed to hold one of Patton’s hands, intertwining their fingers so the cat lover wouldn’t try to pry it away. “Nonsense, I know his tickle spots.”

“Not all of them. ~”

“Patton, I am to going not figuratively end you. Get OFF, Virgil-”

“In your dreams.” He crackled. “Also, Patton, I’m listening.”

“Virgil! Don’t align with the enemy! And, of course I know all of them!”

“Even the one…”

“Patton, no! Stop!” Roman even if concentrated in tickling Patton’s knee so he could sit on his legs, got the slight tremble in Logan's voice, his curiosity one more time starting to take over his brain.

“Sorrey, sorrey, Lo! You know I love you but-”

“Patton, please.” Logan almost smiled as he fought his way to hug and trap Virgil from behind, but losing his balance as the other quickly turned and delivered a raspberry on his neck and quick squeezes on his left thigh. “dON’T!! I-I am going to bakeEEK - Fuck! - you a whole batch of cookies if you don’t tell them!”

Roman caught in the offer, his curiosity immediately perking up, answering in a bat:

“I’m going to tickle you both to pieces if you don’t tell us now.”

“Sorrey, Logan,” Patton tried to sound apologetic, but his excited smile made this task more difficult. “it’s you or me.”

“I’m going to tell them about your calves!” Logan threatened at the same time Patton said “It’s his lower back!”

“TRAITOR!” Both also shouted in synchrony. In a blink of eye Roman let Patton go and helped Virgil to make the most serious one of the group lay down on his stomach.

“I despise you all.” The aforementioned pronounced.

“Aww. Come on.” Virgil lowered, searching the other’s eyes, grinning. “Aren’t you enjoying the view?”

“400.000 years of evolution for humanity to become this. You all should be ashamed of yourselves.”

“You know, talking like this makes me think you don’t want us to give you your so dearly craved birthday tickles, Pocket Protector!”

The three of them stared at the other, looking carefully for any slight indication that Logan was truly uncomfortable with the situation, receiving as response only a scoff, the blush painting his face as a whispered mumble flew from his mouth.

“You’re so cute!” Patton squealed, giving a light tickly kiss on the back of his neck, leading the attacked to suppress a small giggle which progressively got louder as the cat lover tickled his armpits, Roman and Virgil seeing unfazed by Logan’s squirming. “Okay, okay. You have to tickle his lower back but starting with reeeeeally slow scratches at his sides before speeding it to the fastest scribbling you can muster as you move to his spine!”

Logan hid his hot face behind his hands, the yelps and snorts already escaping between his fingers. He was, objectively, going to love every single second of this.

#Ler!Roman #Ler!Virgil #Lee!Logan #Lee!Patton #brief Lee!Roman & Ler!Virgil/Patton #Teases #Teasy cute nicknames #playful tickles #Sanders Sides tickles #Happy stimming #Sanders Sides tickling #tickle fic #Logan playing is inspirated in one friend of mine who is adorable until he starts to play then he becomes a fucking thing #out of a fucking horror movie #If he got too much close of me I would scream and I'm not kidding. He was terrifying and he loved this xD #Ohhh so that is how writing a self indulgent fic feels like-#My first plan was to make a LAMP series with all their birthdays but life said 'no' and then I just worked with what I had and #being pretty honest??? I am so so so much proud of it.#Especially looking at my first tickle fic ever which I wrote around this same time last year #Btw when I used to play this at school light tickles and teases were allowed xDDD #EXTREMELY RARE but allowed xDD #Self care is writing ur self idulgent fic while listenning your fav nostalgic playlist

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marvellouslymadmim · 3 years

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Hey! Aspiring fanfic writer here; I was wondering if you could talk a bit about your writing/editing process and how long it all takes.

Thanks!

Welp, roughly the same extremely long amount of time it takes to actually answer an ask, tbh 🙃

So...I only know how my brain works, and I can only tell you what works for me might not work for you, and that's OK. I'm breaking into two separate bits, because I almost never do writing and editing at the same time.

And as far as a timeline, honestly it just depends. On life factors, what my hormones are doing at the time (jfc like the week before my period, I have zero creativity, motivation, or attention span), if I'm having trouble with a particular scene, if I'm getting consistent positive feedback (yes, I can totally admit that I write faster when I know a particular reviewer is following along with every update), etc.

WRITING:

First, you gotta just...be fixated, I guess. Particularly if it's an AU, I sit with it for a long time before I ever write a word. I go over scenes, think about how the world changes, what stays the same, what *has* to stay the same to keep the characters true to their canon personalities. I sit with the characters for a long time, too--not just the main characters, but the supporting cast, too. In order to predict someone's future, you have to know their past. Most of our present actions are actually reactions to past events, when you think about it. The better you know your version of the character, the easier every other aspect of writing will be. I don't know how it is for other people, but I don't ever "feel" like I'm writing. I feel like I'm "witnessing", and the characters are simply doing whatever they wish. (***this is gonna be a thing during the editing process, too, so hang on to that)

Then once I have a general idea, I choose a title. Generally, I do not even start a word document until I have a proper title to put on it. The title is part of the theme and aesthetic to me, and it grounds me in the overall arc.

Once that's done, it's time for outlining. I generally wait until I feel this weird almost tingling in my left arm (weirder still bc I'm right handed) and I'm practically vibrating with a need to WRITE THIS STORY NOW. Then I put on some Bear McCreary (honestly, any videogame soundtrack will do, as they are literally designed to help you maintain focus and keep pace) and fucking go to town. For me, it helps to do this with pen and paper, so that I can go back up and squiggle little notes in the margin, rearrange the order, etc, far faster than I could on a computer.

Important note: the outline is not the end-all be-all. Some things don't make it to the final print. Some minor storylines get tossed or characters simply...take a different path than I expect. I will continue re-writing and updating the outline as I go along. On average, I usually have 5-8 outlines per story, and they're often 3-10 pages long. I also have a posted outline, which is a log of all the scenes that did make it to the final product.

Then, it's the actual writing, at long last. I have found that I write best at the start of my day, before the noise and static of daily life comes in. So I wake up around 5am and spend 90minutes writing before beginning my workday routine. I have the Word app on my phone and may continue adding bits in throughout the day at work, if I get a moment. However, after 5pm my brain is usually fried and no more creativity happens. On weekends, I try to have one morning where I "sleep in" til 6am, and then write until at least 10am, sometimes 2pm, if I can get away with it.

The hardest part still is knowing when to transition and when to skip to the next chapter/scene/whatever. This is like...zero percent helpful, but I liken it to Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart's definition of pornography: "I know it when I see it." It may seem like a scene is circling, and sometimes it means you gotta leave the room a bit earlier bc the scene has already served its purpose. Other times, it means ya gotta stay with it a bit longer, because there's something the character is trying to say. Give them patience, and give yourself patience, too. Explore the scene and its dynamics. You won't know til you know and even then, sometimes you won't be entirely sure. That's ok, too. Part of the process. Remember editing will happen and you can decide then (hell, you can literally re-edit after it's been published, I've done that before too and added a note on the next chapter for any readers who might have read the first version 🤷🏻‍♀️ not ideal but still functional).

EDITING:

I do simple edits (spelling, grammar, etc) just about every morning as I reread what I wrote the day before, which is a refresher course for the day's writing session. But big "real" editing generally doesn't happen until right before posting.

Now, here's the ***issue from writing: sometimes, something just "doesn't work" in a scene. Again, you'll know it when you see it. The words a character is saying feels clunky. The pacing feels off. Something just...ain't right. More often than not, it means either I haven't truly sat with a character long enough to know their true motivations/backstory, or I am not giving characters the proper time/space/impediment to make the actions or say the things they're currently making/saying. I'm trying to force the flow, rather than letting it ebb and breathe when it needs to.

Absolute ProTip: You spent HOURS writing this scene. It's got some REALLY GOOD moments and lines in it. It doesn't work but you can't just delete it. It's your LIFE. I struggle with this A LOT, and I have found a solution: create a second "outtakes" document to cut and paste those scenes into. Sometimes I still keep moments or bits of dialog. Sometimes I later use bits in a later scene. Sometimes I never look at it again but I still feel secure in knowing that if I wanted to go back and use the original scene instead, I totally can. I don't think I've actually ever gone back to the original, tbh, but it reduced my anxiety about deleting the scene and starting over.

So back to the scene that doesn't work. I take it apart, figure out *at what exact point* it stops working, then work back up a few lines to see where the shift actually begins. More often than not, it's because I'm having characters express their feelings in ways they actually wouldn't. (people very very very rarely actually say what they're thinking/feeling, and you have to relay it in other ways). So I have to keep the internal monologue of what they're actually feeling/thinking, while figuring out how that actually translates via tone, body language, and what they do and don't say.

The "something ain't working stage" can take LITERAL WEEKS. I sometimes have to walk away for awhile, or tackle it only on days when I know I have hours upon hours to truly work on it. I keep circling back around, and eventually, the knot works itself out. Persistence, and insistence that "good enough" isn't actually good enough, are key. (this is why you have to fixated on the story you want to tell--because some days, it's going to take every ounce of that obsession to keep you going and keep you on the track of telling the story you wanted to tell, rather than settling or switching to an easier tack)

Sometimes, editing is a breeze. I don't change much, I may go a little more into the character's inner world here or there. Once you've been doing this for awhile, you'll just know when a story hits all its marks--and you'll also know when it's not, when it could be more or do more, and you can figure out how to get it there. There isn't a precise formula for it, it's more like cooking without an actual recipe to follow--a dash here, a bit there, you'll know it when you taste it.

And I'll leave you with this unsolicited bit: just write. Write often, write about everything, write what makes YOU passionate and happy, and absolutely write for yourself. Edit the fuck out of it, if you need to. Get a beta reader, if you need to. Get someone to just bounce ideas off, if you need to. And don't post it until you're truly ready and it's something you genuinely want to share. If someone gives constructive criticism, take in on the chin and move on (keep the notes, if you think they're valid, and toss em if you don't--you'll never be everyone's style of writer, so know that sometimes, people just won't be the target audience). Know that you'll grow and you'll learn and you'll find your own voice and like any skill, you'll develop a second nature about it--all those parts where I say "you'll know it when you see it" or "you'll feel it" absolutely come from spending a literal lifetime (28 years) writing stories, and thirteen years of writing fanfic in particular. It's ok if you don't see it or feel it right away. It takes practice. And you will have an audience at every skill level, no matter what (finding that audience? different story altogether...).

All totaled, this process can take anywhere from 3months to over a year. Stories are like children, I've found: they each develop at their own pace, and some may need more time and assistance than others. But they're still pretty wonderful. (except the bratty stories. they're the worst 🙄)

#thanks anon!#asks #writing asks #writing reference #i guess?#i hope it helps!!#fic writing

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onceinabluehanguangjun · 3 years

Text

into you like a train (1/5)

the holiday au that no one asked for :)

warnings: anxiety attacks, alcohol

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ao3

Lan Zhan was, to put it nicely, about to go insane.

He closed his eyes and let his head drop, his forehead hitting the counter with a gentle thunk. He was sure if he had to read one more “academic” paper with un-checked grammar and made-up facts and no bibliography in sight that his head was going to explode. His students were smart and he was definitely proud of them, but this was still his first year as a full-fledged professor and they seemed to be taking advantage of it. He’d asked his brother a thousand times if this was normal and had gotten far too many laughs in response.

“A-Zhan,” Lan Huan said, voice warm as ever as he stepped up beside him, “Give me half the stack, let me help.”

“No,” Lan Zhan insisted, sitting up straight again, “I’m going to grade all of them. It is my job.”

“If you insist,” he said, far too much amusement still there, “But the offer stands nonetheless.”

Lan Zhan took a few grounding breaths and managed to lift his pen so he could continue to grade. But it just made his brain ache and he was finding it harder and harder to keep himself up right.

“A-Zhan,” Lan Huan said again, fond amusement still so prevalent in his voice, “You should take a vacation over winter break. You deserve it! You’ve survived your first semester.”

“I don’t like vacations.”

“Ah, I know you don’t, but, ” his brother said, tapping his shoulder, “You could go somewhere remote. Maybe to one of the mountains in Yiling? It gets cold, but not so cold you’ll be miserable. And it’s beautiful up there, and quiet. Huaisang got a cabin up there last winter‒he hated it, the quiet, but I think you’d love it. I could ask him where he stayed.”

Lan Zhan slowly turned his head to his brother. He was smiling, fond and light and happy. For so many years, Lan Zhan had envied his openness and the easy way he let people in when Lan Zhan, to this day, struggled with even simple conversation with strangers and catching social cues. However, as they got older, Lan Zhan bore witness to his brother being crushed with heartbreak over and over, even getting upset over people he met in the street because of missed opportunities. Lan Zhan didn’t envy that one bit. He was very happy not feeling that towards anyone.

“It seems you’ve already decided I’m going on vacation,” Lan Zhan said slowly. Lan Huan brightened like the sun.

“Okay, it’s an early birthday present,” he said, caving far too easily, “Let me show you the cabin.”

Lan Zhan sighed as his brother went to go grab his laptop. It would give him ample amounts of silence for him to grade finals. It was also a month away, so it gave him plenty of time to get used to the idea. And, besides, he’d feel bad if rejected a birthday present. Maybe Lan Huan was right and it wouldn’t be so bad. And, if it was, he could just ask Lan Huan to never ever do that ever again.

Lan Huan came back with excitement on his face as he put his laptop right on Lan Zhan’s papers. He flicked through the pictures of the small, one bedroom cabin. It was fully furnished and looked homey‒because the owners often stayed there in the summers and rented it out during the other months. It would be so much fun, Lan Huan said.

“Why don’t you go?” Lan Zhan asked. Lan Huan gave him that look that told him he might’ve been a bit rude, but it bled away into a smile again.

“You’re good alone, A-Zhan, I’m not,” he said, “If I had someone to go with me, though, it’d be very romantic.”

“Ask Nie Mingjue,” Lan Zhan said like it was obvious. Lan Huan laughed, more jittery and forced as his face flushed red.

“Absolutely not,” he said, “I said romantic. ”

“I heard.”

“Of course you did,” Lan Huan said, shaking his head with a smile, “It’s just a good place to steal away into for awhile, whether by yourself or with someone you want to steal away with.”

“Mn.”

“You know, if you want to bring someone…”

“No, thank you,” Lan Zhan said easily. Lan Huan didn’t push, just tapped his shoulder again. “It will… be fun.”

Lan Huan hummed happily, “I hope so.”

A month later, Lan Zhan found himself on a bus to Yiling.

It wasn’t too far away, about an hour and a half to the Yiling bus station where he’d then take a fifteen-or-so minute cab ride up the mountain to the cabin that was nestled in an isolated part of the woods. However, it felt much longer than an hour and a half on that treacherous bus. He packed himself as small as he could and was so tense with everyone around him making noises of all kinds that even his noise-cancelling earbuds didn’t properly stifle all the way that his muscles were sore when he finally got away. It hurt to stretch his hand out from where it’d been clutching his phone with a death grip for the entire ride.

He figured he’d love the cabin upon first meeting if only because he’d be alone.

Lan Zhan grabbed his bag and his briefcase and waited for his cab, counting his breaths. He couldn’t wait to be somewhere without people and was considering paying his brother to drive up to get him when his 10-day stay was up so he didn’t have to go through that again.

The cab ride was easier, but he’d already been riled up and he was as rigid as ever the entire ride. He paid the driver once they pulled up to the cabin on the left side of the mountain, a light layer of snow on the ground and on the roof. He nodded his goodbye and successfully found the key and let himself in before tears pricked his eyes.

He closed the door tight and put his things down gently, his hands coming up to press into his eyes as he involuntarily cried and tried to calm himself. He blindly navigated himself into the living room and wedged himself onto the floor between the couch and the table, balling up and breathing.

He felt a little childish, but he pushed those thoughts away. It happened. It’d been happening since he was young and there was no sign of it stopping. And it could be worse, so it didn’t matter. He didn’t even need Lan Huan there to hear his words of comfort: it’s alright, A-Zhan, you’re safe and I’ll keep them away.

Perhaps he wouldn’t need to pay Lan Huan to get him to come get him.

He stayed on the floor for the next two hours, long past when he stopped crying. He’d pulled out his phone and messed around on it to keep his mind busy. His sleeve stayed over his hand, keeping a barrier between his chin and his bare palm. The cabin was cozy aside from being cold since he hadn’t turned the heater on and he didn’t really mind being there. He’d been worse places. It wasn’t as comforting as his bedroom, but he couldn’t be picky.

Lan Zhan felt his eyes grow heavy once he calmed down more, considering just taking a nap right there on the floor. The only thing that stopped him was the chill that went down his spine and the 3% battery life on his phone. He crawled over to his bag and fished for his charger, still feeling tired and a little numb. He managed to plug it into the wall and tugged a blanket off the couch, turning on the heater before wrapping himself up as he returned to the spot on the floor.

He barely had time to get comfortable again before his phone started ringing.

“How was the trip?” Lan Huan said as soon as Lan Zhan answered. His tone of voice already said he knew how the trip was.

“I’m alright now,” he said, “The cabin is nice.”

“That’s good,” his brother said. Lan Zhan closed his eyes and rested his cheek on his arm. “Have you gotten groceries yet?”

“No.”

“Are you going this evening?”

Lan Zhan didn’t answer. He should go, but the idea of venturing out sounded like the worst thing he could ever do. He just wanted to go to sleep. Maybe then he’d wake up early and go before anyone else was awake and the stores would be relatively empty.

“Do you at least have something to eat for tonight?” Lan Huan said, already accepting his lack of an answer as an answer. Lan Zhan thought about the granola bar and water bottle stuffed in the bottom of his bag. It was meant to be for the trip, but he’d felt a little too self-conscious to ever touch them.

“Yes,” he said. His brother sighed softly.

“Alright. But please go tomorrow, A-Zhan.”

“I will.”

“How do you plan to spend your night?” Lan Huan shifted, trying for a more upbeat tone. Lan Zhan shrugged and nuzzled his cold nose into his sleeve.

“Sleeping. It was a long day,” he said. Lan Huan hummed.

“Oh, right, is it snowing there yet?” he asked, “I know it’s up on the mountain, so you might get some snow.”

“I haven’t checked,” Lan Zhan said honestly. He couldn’t remember if he saw snow there or not and the windows all had curtains.

“Well remember to take pictures whenever you go outside, alright?”

“I will.”

“Well, I’ll let you go and I’ll call you tomorrow. Goodnight, A-Zhan, love you.”

“Love you too, Huan-ge.”

Lan Huan hummed softly in that happy little tone that always made Lan Zhan feel a bit more grounded. If Huan-ge was happy, then he was comfortable enough to handle the situation and A-Zhan just had to hold his hand until it was over. Maybe his hand wasn’t here now, but it worked all the same.

The phone call ended and Lan Zhan’s eyes felt even heavier. He adjusted himself to lay on the floor between the coffee table and the couch and used his arm as a pillow. He propped his phone up on the couch and adjusted his earbud before finding something mindless to listen to in the background before he opened his sudoku app.

He didn’t make it through one round before he dozed off.

When Lan Zhan woke himself up again, the entire room was pitch black now that the sun wasn’t even shining through the curtains. A small jolt of panic shot through his system as he tried and failed to gather his surroundings with his arm half numb from laying on it for who knows how long. His mind felt as if it’d been stuffed with cotton balls which was a sure sign that he hadn’t slept enough to full rid himself of the stress the bus ride induced.

Still, he managed to use his phone to find a lamp which he turned on and had to blink a few times before his eyes adjusted. They felt puffy and sore which, paired with his head, made him feel painfully young. He just wanted to lay down and have his older brother run his fingers through his hair until he fell asleep for real.

Instead, he pulled himself to his feet and tried to stretch out all the stiff parts in his body that came with sleeping on the bare floor. At the same time that his back cracked, he heard a noise outside that caused him to go very still and listen closely.

There was some shuffling and then fiddling with the doorknob and Lan Zhan was considering the logistics of suing Nie Hausiang for emotional damages. The doorknob fiddling stopped alongside a loud groan and followed by a whine and then a thud.

“Wen Ning! Open the door! I dropped my keys!” a man’s voice whined, a pathetic moan following it, “It’s cold ! Wen Ning! Wen Ning!”

Lan Zhan felt frozen as he tried to figure out what to do. Maybe if he stayed silent, the man would go away. Or maybe he wouldn’t. Lan Zhan stayed frozen in thought long enough that the man called out for whoever Wen Ning was again. His brilliant decision after that was to tiptoe to the window and peek behind the curtain as silently as he could.

It was dark outside save for the man’s phone which lit him enough to show that he was definitely not dressed for the weather. There was indeed snow and the sight of it jogged the faint memory of seeing it whenever the cab pulled up. It was colder now, he could feel it on the glass, and the man was in ripped jeans and a light sweatshirt. It didn’t take a genius to realize he was probably intoxicated and Lan Zhan couldn’t just leave him out there. What if he froze to death at the front door? That wouldn’t make for a good vacation.

After a few breaths and running over a couple of introduction lines in his head, Lan Zhan reluctantly opened the door. The man on the ground fell back with nothing holding him up and barely even groaned despite being only a few inches away from a stranger’s foot. Hazy, drunken eyes slowly trailed up Lan Zhan’s body and instantly made him want to shove the man back outside.

“Oh, fuck,” he cursed, squeezing his eyes shut and lifting his head just enough to drop his head on the ground as some sort of self-punishment, “Fuck. This is Jiejie’s cabin, isn’t it? I gave the cab the wrong address, fuck. I’m sorry, man, just, my bad.”

“It’s… okay,” Lan Zhan decided, keeping one hand on the door while the other one rested behind his back. His thumb stroked the skin between his ring finger and his middle finger, a lame attempt at self-soothing.

“This is my jiejie’s cabin, I knew she wasn’t here so I don’t know why… Look, I’m Wei Ying,” Wei Ying said, speaking oddly steady for a man who could barely get himself into a sitting position. He looked up at Lan Zhan again through squinted eyes and his shoulders and head all dropped as he groaned. “And you’re handsome because of course you are. I’m really sorry. I’m gonna, uh, call my roommate and ask him to come get me. I’ll stay outside, out of your hair, I’m sorry.”

Lan Zhan was completely silent, watching him fiddle with his phone. It took a moment for him to get the right number and for him to put it to his ear. The whole time, Lan Zhan was wondering if it was irresponsible or not to leave a drunk man outside in the freezing cold paired with weighing the pros and cons of inviting a strange man inside with him. He seemed to talk a lot which typically meant he would expect talking in response. That was a con.

“Wen Ning, I fucked up…Jiejie’s, yeah...have I told you you were my favorite today?...Ah, Didi, if you tell your sister, you'll lose the title of favorite...It did not work last time!” Wei Ying, allegedly, said to the phone, laughing with his friend about friendly things. Lan Zhan was beginning to see the appeal of leaving him outside.

The phone call ended and Wei Ying looked back up to Lan Zhan, staring for a moment before he scoffed and shook his head, swearing under his breath. He swore a lot. Con.

"He's on his way, you can just pretend I'm not even here," Wei Ying said, scooting a little further outside.

Lan Zhan took notice of his bare pale hands, his red cheeks, and the fact that his hair was beginning to look a bit wet from the snow hitting it and melting. His stomach twisted and knotted, only feeling more conflicted. It was wrong to leave him outside, even if he was annoying and drunk and strange, wasn't it? And this was his sister's cabin. What if she found out and got mad at Lan Zhan? What if she yelled at him?

What if this whole thing was an elaborate scheme to kidnap him and keep him for ransom?

Alright. Irrational. Lan Huan would invite him in without question. (Lan Huan also had a bad habit of picking up hitchhikers but that was a problem for a different time.)

"It's cold," Lan Zhan said. Wei Ying looked up at him and gave a little smile, one where his eyes got all squinty and he made a humming noise like his brother. Lan Zhan rubbed his thumb between his fingers a little harder.

"Don't worry about me, I have a high enough blood alcohol content to keep me warm," he said. Lan Zhan's eyebrows tugged together.

"That… isn't how that works," Lan Zhan said, "Alcohol can make you more perceptible to hypothermia."

"Aiya, you caught me," he said, laughing a little too loud. Lan Zhan considered closing the door on him again.

Alas, he wasn't trying to deal with a dead body.

"You can come in to wait," Lan Zhan said slowly. Wei Ying blinked up at him, tilting his head to the side.

“I don’t wanna intrude,” he said, smiling just a little. Lan Zhan looked forward, avoiding eye contact.

“It’s cold,” Lan Zhan repeated, “This is your sister’s cabin.”

A little kindness goes a long way, Lan Huan’s voice seemed to echo in his mind, good karma, you understand. Good karma. Lan Zhan would allow this man to not die on his sister’s front door and maybe he would get a peaceful week.

“Well, if you insist, ” Wei Ying said.

Lan Zhan stepped out of the way as Wei Ying pulled himself to his feet, relying heavily on the door frame to get there. He was taller than Lan Zhan would’ve originally guessed from his crumbled state on the ground; they were practically the same height. Lan Zhan stayed out of the way as he made his way towards the couch. When he caught sight of his back, Lan Zhan was a little pained to see that his jeans and his sweater were both wet from sitting in the snow and he just let himself fall on the couch. Hopefully Lan Zhan didn’t get in trouble for that…

“So, what’s your name?” Wei Ying asked as he got comfortable, smiling up at Lan Zhan who stayed standing close to the door. There wasn’t really another place to sit and he wasn’t very comfortable with this situation. His head still ached and he wasn’t entirely sure his eyes were puffy from crying. So, standing was fine.

“Lan Zhan,” Lan Zhan said. Wei Ying smiled wider and nodded.

“Lan Zhan,” he repeated as if the name just fit perfectly in his mouth. Lan Zhan kept his gaze on somewhere past Wei Ying. “Nice, suiting. So, Lan Zhan, what do you do?”

“Teach.”

“Me too!” Wei Ying nearly cheered. Lan Zhan blinked a couple times. A teacher got so drunk he showed up at the wrong house? That didn’t seem like the type of person who should be teaching. “Eh, I swear I usually don’t get this fucked up. It’s a bad anniversary, you know, so I had to get a little drunk, it happens. But I do teach! I teach the little ones, but you must teach the bigger ones. You’ve got a face the little ones would walk all over.”

“University,” Lan Zhan said. Wei Ying seemed genuinely interested as he nodded. It was strange. “Music history.”

“That’s so fun! I teach little ones basically everything, you know. Except swords. I did swords training for years, but I never got to the level where I could teach it. Did you do swords?”

“Mn.”

“Good, you look like you’d be good at it. Anyway, I teach basically all of the children on this mountain that are in primary school. The school is small, but it’s good. They like it, I like it,” Wei Ying explained. Lan Zhan furrowed his eyebrows just a little. How big was this mountain that it had its own school? Or, maybe, how localized were the people that lived here? “It’s good, you know, to have someone who hasn’t spent their whole life on this mountain teaching them. It helps prepare them for when they go down once they have to go to secondary school and then the rest of life. Some kids I’ve met have never been off this mountain, did you know? It’s so surreal to just live so confined and safe in your space with all your friends and family without all the pressure.”

Why would they rent out a cabin in a place like that?

“I live on the other side of the mountain with my friends. Had a bit of a rough time in university and they suggested coming somewhere less overwhelming would be good for me, but now I think I’m the overwhelming part of it, ha! My jiejie said she missed me, though, so they got this cabin and stay when they can. Her husband’s got money money, so I don’t even feel bad. This cabin and there’s a few more that are rented out like this which brings in tourists but not too many. It’s nice. Am I talking too much?”

Lan Zhan didn’t even know what to say to any of that. He could hardly even process half of the words he was hearing. He took a moment to find a way to say anything that sounded like a proper response. Wei Ying didn’t seem phased. Wei Ying had all the attributes to be the most overwhelming person he’d ever met, and yet there was something about him that didn’t make Lan Zhan feel pressured to speak. That was rare.

“Is it a farming village?” Lan Zhan asked softly. Wei Ying nodded enthusiastically.

“Yes! That and many of the people that live here have been here for generations and have survived solely on passed down information. They’re all children of ancient herbalists, too, so all very, very smart. My friend, Wen Qing, she’s the only trained medical doctor on the mountain, but she mixes that with herbalism, so she’s probably the smartest person you’ll ever meet, but don’t tell her I told you that. But it’s such a tight knit community, very traditional, but in a good way. Half of the children I teach won’t go to secondary school down the mountain, though, they’ll stay here and take their parent’s spot in the community,” Wei Ying rambled again. Lan Zhan nodded.

Lan Zhan listened as he spoke, rambling about different little things. It was like reading a pamphlet of the village, like he had so much in his brain about it that he rarely got to share because everyone there already knew.. He never expected input or even made it awkward. Lan Zhan decided letting him in wasn’t the worst mistake he’d ever made.

Still, when there was a soft knock at the door, he let out a relieved breath.

When Lan Zhan opened the door, the man on the other side gave a polite bow. Out of instinct, Lan Zhan did the same which seemed to only make the man turn a bright shade of red. Lan Zhan stepped to the side to let him retrieve Wei Ying.

“Wen Ning, you got here so fast!” Wei Ying said. It wasn’t fast, Lan Zhan thought, it was probably closer to 15 minutes which was decidedly not fast. Wen Ning smiled nonetheless and grabbed his arm, helping him to his feet.

“Thank you,” Wen Ning told Lan Zhan with a polite smile as he held up Wei Ying’s weight. Lan Zhan nodded.

“This is Lan Zhan! He’s nice and he’s handsome, isn’t he?”

“Yes, Wei-ge, now come on,” Wen Ning said softly, tugging him towards the door. Wei Ying twisted a bit to wave at Lan Zhan goodbye as he was led to the car. Lan Zhan questioned if he should wave back, but he took too long trying to decide and Wei Ying faced the car again.

Lan Zhan closed the door and locked it, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

He needed a nap.

#wangxian #wangxian fic #lan wangji #wei wuxian #lan xichen #the untamed #mdzs #my fic

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libsterslobsters · 3 years

Text

When the Levee Breaks...

Summary: It's been three months since The Snap. The reader has a lot to cope with: newly-aquired super soldier capabilities, being a stranger in a strange place, and most of all, the loss of Bucky. But lucky for her, Steve Rogers isn't one to let his friends go through hard times alone.

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x fem!enhanced! Reader (mentioned), Steve Rogers x fem!enhanced! Reader (platonic)

Reader has the ability to see bits of the future, understand all languages, and process information quickly as well as being a super soldier

Warnings: angst, self-destruct behavior, mentions of suicidal tendencies, mentions of mental illness, mentions of eating disorder, tiny bit of fluff.

___________________________________________

“Some times I feel I’ve got to run away, I’ve got to run away…” Her footfalls are too fast to keep in step with the song’s beat, but it still gives her some comfort to listen. Some, because really, when she’s punishing her body for the mere sake of feeling it scream at her, there’s not much comfort to be found.

“Once I ran to you, now I’ll run from you, this tainted love you’ve given-” She’s so busy concentrating on pushing herself, making herself hurt, that she doesn’t realize there’s anyone in front of her until she runs smack dab into them. “Oof!”

She’s knocked flat on her ass, but it doesn’t keep her down (no, of course not, she’s a damn super soldier now). She hops up immediately, intent on apologizing, making sure the other person is okay, and then getting back to her run, when the person she’s run into grasps her arm.

“I’m so sorry, ma’am are you-” Whoever she ran into stops short (she’s trying not to look him in the face, faces are painful to see now that she knows she’ll never see Barnes’ again), and the hand on her elbow falls away, forcing her to look up. Oh no.

“Steve.” Great. Out of all the people she had to run into, it had to be Steve Rogers. She knows most women would be absolutely thrilled to have knocked Captain America off his feet (he’s now brushing off the back of his pants, which she should probably do as well, but can’t bring herself to care), but not her. She likes Steve, really she does. They haven’t spent a lot of time together, but he is -was, he’s gone now, was- Bucky’s best friend, and they got along fine. He’s a nice guy. That’s the real problem, because-

“How’re you doing? I haven’t seen you in forever.” -he’ll ask her that. You know, being nice. Which means she’s going to have to lie.

“I’m fine. Good to see you again.” Now if he’d just get out of her way so she can get back to what she was doing.

“I didn’t know you were a runner.” Damn. He wants to have a conversation. Doesn’t he know that earbuds in means, “Don’t talk to me?” Probably not, because he’d never be that rude. Captain frickin’ America.

“I’m not.” Why did she have to say that? Now he’s looking at her in surprise, eyebrows raised, mouth open in shock.

“Then why-”

“Just thought I’d try it out. See if the super serum really is all that.” She can’t very well tell him that she’s out here hoping that the place where one of Thanos’ goons speared her through the lung (and the kidney… and the intestines… and part of her brain) wasn’t repaired as well as the doctors’ claimed and it’ll open up if she just runs fast enough, allowing her to slowly bleed out. He seems like the type to see that as a cry for help.

He chuckles. “Well, considering you were going around 65 miles per hour, I think you have your answer.” Sixty-five? That can’t be right.

“How do you know that?” He shrugs.

“ ‘Cause that’s how fast I was going, and you ran into me.” Right. Of course she’s now as fast as America’s golden boy. Because her life wasn’t bizarre enough already.

“Sorry.”

“No harm done.” She’s all prepared offer him a courtesy nod and take off again, when- “Are you hungry? Let me buy you breakfast.”

Her first thought is, “He’s flirting with me.” and her anger flares, but then she remembers who this is, and calms down. He’s being nice. Again.

“No thanks. I already ate.” She didn’t, hasn’t in two days in fact, but the damn super serum is keeping her from dropping.

“Then how about coffee?” He can’t take a hint. “Just a head’s up, the serum also keeps you from getting a buzz from the caffeine, but it still tastes the same.”

“I drink tea.” Why does she keep talking to him? The last thing she wants is to be around anyone that reminds her of whom she’s lost.

Steve smirks. “Then let me buy you a cup of tea.” Again, anger wells up in her, anger and pain, but she pushes it down. He doesn’t know about the last person who bought her a cup of tea, or what it lead to. This is just being friendly to the widow (no, they never made it that far, ex girlfriend) of his old pal.

“Please.” The megawatt smile falters for a moment. “We’ve all lost so many people that we can’t afford to let even potential friends slip away that easily.”

She doesn’t want to be his friend. Doesn’t want to be anyone’s friend. She just wants to be left alone for however long she has left until her enhanced body falters and finally gives out. But, it’s against everything she believes, whatever values she has left now that a huge part of her has disappeared like dust left behind after the snap, to return kindness with a cold shoulder. And if he’s so desperate for company...

“Okay.”

___________________________________________________________________________________

He’s never been to this coffee shop before, but he’s trying to hide that fact by studying the menu written in chalk with great concentration. In fact, he doesn’t particularly want to be here now. It’s too empty, too quiet. There’s too many people crying into their beverages of choice. But he had to come up with a valid excuse to keep her from disappearing again like she had three months ago after he told her, “I’m sorry. He’s gone. We lost him.”, and he was running low on ideas.

She looks terrible. No, correction; she looks average. He’s never seen the effects of the serum on a woman before (apart from the brief encounter with Hydra’s other super soldiers), but he’s almost certain she should look… stronger, somehow. More robust. If he’s being honest, she doesn’t even look like her old self, pre-serum.

She’s cut her hair, chopped it off unevenly, and it makes her look more severe. Or maybe that’s the fact that her cheekbones are more prominent, and although it shouldn’t be possible, she has dark circles under her eyes. She’s thinner too, although it’s unavoidable that her muscle tone has improved (at least from what he can tell; she’s in workout clothes, not the trendy kind, but a baggy t-shirt and sweatpants, and besides, he’s keeping his eyes trained respectfully on her face). In short, she looks miserable.

Eventually, they both do order, and he doesn’t so much as get the chance to ask where she’d like to sit before she makes a bee-line for the table in the corner, half-hidden by a large fern, away from everyone else. That cuts down on the chances of them being recognized, or really, mostly him.

He gives her a few minutes to stir and sip her tea before starting the enquiry.

“So how are you doing really?” She nearly drops her cup at that.

“I told you, I’m fine.” So he’s going to have to dig.

“No you’re not.” She opens her mouth, more than likely to contradict him, but he continues. “You can’t be. I’m not, and I don’t know anyone else who is.”

Her eyes narrow, and he’s reminded of something Bucky told him in passing conversation back in Wakanda. “I always know when she’s mad, and so does everyone else. Trust me, you can tell.” He was right. Her face is rapidly flushing, and her posture has completely changed.

“Fine.” She snaps, and begins tearing the label off of her drink. “I’m doing shitty. I don’t have anywhere to live, so I’ve been sleeping at a different emergency shelter every night. I don’t have a job, which means I don’t have a source of income. I don’t know anyone because I’ve never been to fucking New York before. Oh, and my fiance turned to dust in front of me. That what you wanted to hear?”

There’s so much to unpack, but first thing’s first.

“You’re staying at the shelters?” She nods.

“Most nights. Sometimes I sleep on the subway. It’s not like the seats are full anymore.”

That’s not going to cut it. He may not know her well, but he’s not going to let her be homeless. He’s about to offer up the couch in his apartment (or, more than likely once she’s actually agreed to go, the bed while he takes the couch), but out of nowhere, she bursts into tears.

“I’m sorry, Steve.” She swipes at her eyes roughly. “That was rude of me. You didn’t deserve that.” No, he didn’t, but he gets it. This is a weird time for everyone.

“It’s okay.” He attempts what he hopes is a friendly smile. “I think we’ve all earned the right to not be as polite as normal. Plus, you really are doing shitty-”

She chuckles. “Wow. Captain America swears. Who would’ve thought.”

“Don’t tell anyone.”

They sit in silence for a few more minutes, her sipping her tea, and him his… whatever this is. All the while, he’s trying to figure out the best way to shoe-horn, “Let me help you.” into casual conversation. Finally, he decides to just do it. After all, what’s the worst that can happen? She runs off again, goes back to the subway. On second thought, that’s pretty bad. Tact. This is a time for tact.

“What was it you do again? For a job, that is?”

“Did.” What? “Sorry again. Force of habit.” She meets his eyes. “I taught English as a second language, mostly to adults. That makes me a little anal about grammar.”

A teacher… that’s unfortunate, because all schools (and colleges for that matter) nation wide have suspended classes “until further notice” in the wake of Thanos. It’s possible she could submit an application now and be hired whenever they regroup, but she needs a source of income immediately.

“I also worked as a translator briefly. That is, before people started asking questions about how I was able to understand every foreign language they put in front of me without so much as a briefing.” Now that, he might be able to work with. Especially since their team has gotten a lot smaller.

“If, and it’s not a guarantee, but if I could offer you a job working with me, Nat, and what’s left of the team-” She grows a shade paler but doesn’t say anything. “-as a translator only, would you consider it?” To be honest, they could use her as more, especially with the training she received in Wakanda and her new status as a super soldier, but if her reaction is anything to judge from, the wound is too fresh for her agree to that.

“Yes.” The answer is immediate. His shock must show on his face, because she shrugs and tells him, “I’m out of funds and I don’t have a place to live. If someone offered me a job cleaning toilets, I’d take it.” That’s what gives him the courage to mention the next part.

“Is that your mindset about places to sleep too, because I have a couch that pulls out into a bed.” Her eyebrows shoot up, mouth forming a perfect “oh”. “That is, until you find a place. Or I can contact Natasha and see about renting you a hotel room-”

She shakes her head. “No, you’ve been generous enough. All of you, really. I can manage-”

“I know you can.” He feels bad about interrupting her, but this is going nowhere fast. “I know you can take care of yourself and manage on your own. But you don’t have to.” He almost adds that Bucky wouldn’t want that for her, but decides against it just in time. “If we don’t band together to help each other right now, then Thanos may as well have dusted all of us.”

She’s quiet for a few moments, studying her lap, and he thinks that he’s pushed too far. Then, with a sigh, she nods.

“Fine, but just a warning. I talk in my sleep.”

“Duly noted.”

__________________________________________________________________________________

It’s not been as bad as she thought, living with Steve. He’s an orderly guy, so she’s not picking up after him. He knocks before he enters a room, even if the door is open and gives her space. He doesn’t complain if she uses too much hot water and remembers to put the toilet seat down. If anything isn’t to her liking, all she has to do is mention it, and he immediately augments his behavior. In fact, the only disagreements they’ve had in the month and a half since she moved in have been over who gets the bedroom (he insisted on being a gentlemen and taking the couch, which she absolutely refused; she finally won by telling him that if he forced her to take the bed, she’d pack up her suitcase and leave) and who does the cooking (she said she’d do it and the laundry since she’s basically living in his apartment expense free, he said he’d do it on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays while she did it Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday, then Saturday would be takeout; he won that one because he actually likes to cook).

They don’t really hang out together, apart from occassionally watching the news. Most of their conversations are banal. How was your day, I did laundry, gas prices have gone up, do you want the shower first. Roommate talk, but just from that she can tell why Bucky liked the guy so much, why they were such good friends (especially once she discovers that sweet, polite Captain America can be a sassy son of a bitch when he wants to be). It’s all very… nice.

And still, since that first day, she hasn’t sat down with him and had a conversation. Not about anything significant that is. He’s tried several times, but she’s shut it down as quickly and politely as possible. She appreciates the effort to be her friend, take care of the brokenhearted girl that remains, but she can’t let it go that far. She knows if she lets him scratch the surface, the floodgates will open, and she’s not prepared for that. She doesn’t want to talk about Bucky. She won’t.

No, they’ll just keep being nice to each other, being agreeable until she’s got a couple of paychecks under her belt and can make a deposit on an apartment and pay him back for his kindness (which is another uphill battle, but she’ll think about that later).

That’s the plan anyway, until after a run, she realizes that it’s gone.

“No.”

She distinctly remembers leaving it on the sofa table in an ashtray that’s there for decoration only. It’s where she leaves everything; her wallet, her key to the apartment, the damn knife she purchased as a scared eighteen year old on the run from her government. But it’s not there.

Maybe it was so loose thanks to her self-inflicted emaciation that it came off while she was wearing it as she slept and it’s between the cracks in the sofa cushions? She rips them away as if they’re a bandage, finding nothing (not even lint, because she had a cleaning fit on yet another sleepless night and vacuumed). Under the couch then. Behind it. Nothing and nothing.

She’s ransacked the entire living room and is intent on moving onto the bathroom when the front door opens.

“What the-” She doesn’t bother looking up, but it doesn’t matter. He’s next to her in three strides. “Are you okay?”

She means to reassure him that she’s fine, just misplaced something, but instead what comes out is,

“It’s gone, Steve.”

“What’s gone?” Even as he speaks, she’s emptying out the trash can to make sure she didn’t acidentally throw it out (her mind’s been all over the place these days).

“My ring.” It’s the last piece she has of him. There’s a few pictures saved to her phone (which she can no longer so much as charge up), and his file which has since been given over to her care, but that’s the last physical thing she has that he left her, the last thing his fingers touched that she can touch too. And it’s gone.

“I can’t believe I lost it. I was being so careful-” She’s babbling, not even making sense to herself at this point. “-and now it’s gone. It’s gone, just like him. Fuck!” She shouldn’t be crying like a child, but there’s nothing she can do about it.

“Language.” Her head snaps up to stare at an embarassed Steve. “Sorry. Force of habit. What I mean is, why don’t I help you look for it?” She nods, and forces herself to take a deep breath.

“It was silver-” vibranium actually, but the color is more easily identifiable. “-with engraving-”

“I know what it looks like.” He interrupts sheepishly. “Trust me. He asked me, “Do you think she’ll like it” about a dozen times in ten minutes before he gave it to you.”

She never knew that, and it sends fresh tears to her eyes.

“And it’s vibranium, in case you didn’t know. Said it needed to be-”

“Strong and adaptable.” She recites back. Same as you. That’s what he told her when he slipped it on her finger, explaining why there wasn’t a stone. She doesn’t feel like either of those things. Not since he went, and she stayed. “I know.”

“Alright.” He nods. “When did you last have it?”

“Before my run. I took it off so I wouldn’t lose it.” She laughs bitterly. So much for that.

“Then you check your bag and the bathroom. I’ll give this room another look and search the kitchen? Sound like a plan?” She’s out of the room without a reply.

The bathroom turns up nothing, and despite upending her backpack, purse, and the pockets of each various piece of clothing, there’s no sign of it. So that’s it then. She’s lost him, down to the final shred.

Starvation, over-exertion, lack of sleep: none of it has taken her down so far, but knowing that it’s over, she can’t even hold onto that little piece of him, is what finally makes her legs give out from underneath her as she collapses in a heap.

She hears his footsteps long before he enters the cramped bathroom, but she doesn’t lift her head. At this point, she’s not even sure if she can. If heartache really can kill a person, she won’t be here for much longer. And, if Steve wants to survey the damage, she won’t stop him. She’s too weak to hide it anymore.

“You haven’t eaten anything today.” It’s not a question, so she doesn’t bother to answer. “Or yesterday. I’m not sure about the day before because it looked like you tried the meatloaf, but you could’ve squirreled it away in your napkin while I wasn’t looking.” He’s right. That’s exactly what she did.

Her eyes are closed, but her enhanced senses let her know the moment he sits down next to her, a respectful distance away, of course.

“You could be suicidal. You could have an eating disorder or another mental illness. Or you could just not care anymore. My bet’s on the last one.” What’s there to care about? She has no family. No friends. She has a job now, sure, but they could easily find another translator.

“You don’t care, and you’re grieving. That’s a dangerous combination. Was when I came out of the ice with everyone I loved either dead or dying, and it still is.”

His hand settles on her shoulder. Just lightly. Not so much a grasp or a pat as an assurance, an “I’m here.”

“You need to talk to someone about it. Maybe not me, but someone. You don’t want to go on, but like it or not, you’re here. You’ve gotta find a way to keep going. Maybe find something like a purpose eventually.” He sighs. “I’m gonna get you a glass of water and I’ll be right back.”

“I miss him.” She’s not sure when she decided to say it, or even if she did. “So much.” Steve doesn’t say anything, so she takes it as a sign to continue. “I know I don’t have any right to say that. You knew him for so much longer than I did, and you’re not falling to pieces. But I feel like half of me has been ripped away, and I don’t know how to live without it.” Her voice is barely above a whisper. “I’m not even sure I want to.”

He sighs, and she gathers what little strength she has left to apologize. She shouldn’t talk to him about this. That’s like comparing your stubbed toe to the man who’s had his foot amputated. But before she can do any of that, she hears a muffled thump. She should care what it is, but she doesn’t. That is, until she realizes that Steve is now lying on the floor with her.

“Now that we’re both about as low as we can go-” The corners of her lips turn up despite herself. “-I miss him too. A lot. But not the same way you do.” She would assume not. After all, that would be weird. “There’s a girl I miss like that. Her name was Peggy. But, that’s a conversation for another day.

“I’m not gonna tell you it gets better, because it doesn’t. I’m not gonna tell you you’ll move on, because I haven’t. What I’ll tell you is you learn to live with it. Eventually it hurts less to talk about them, or to even think about them. It still hurts, don’t get me wrong, but it’s more good than bad. Sometimes it helps to talk about them with someone else. For me at least, it’s like I’m keeping her alive. But it’s okay if that’s not something you can do right now. When you’re ready, I’ll be more than happy to take a trip down memory lane if you want.” She nods, still not lifting her head. “Okay. I’ll keep my calendar open. Now, I really need to get you that glass of water.”

He’s nearly out the door when she manages to croak out, “Thank you. For being nice to me. It’s good of you to look after your best friend’s…” What is she now? “...old flame.”

“You’re welcome, and just so you know, I’m not doing this because you’re Bucky’s girl. I’m doing this you because I think we could both use a friend right now. A real one.”

It’s only after he leaves the room that she feels something digging into her hip and discovers the ring in her pocket.

___________________________________________________________________________________

It’s convenient, her moving just down the hall from him. Especially since they had that little talk, and now Steve actually considers her a close friend. She’s looking better now, back to eating and drinking. Sleep is still dubious, and over the past few months, he’s woken multiple times to her screams coming from the living room. At first he ran in, thinking there was an intruder. Now he knows to crouch next to the pullout mattress and shake her shoulder until she wakes up. Occassionally there’s tears. Often there’s a midnight conversation about whichever funny memory they can think of to lighten the mood. As she’s come back to herself, bit by bit, he’s starting to see why Bucky was tied up in knots over her. It’s obvious they were good together in a way that can’t be replicated.

The one thing that hasn’t gone by the wayside is her running, and that’s one he’s not going to touch, because he does the same thing. In the morning, they both take off just as the sun is rising (in opposite directions to avoid anymore collisions), and once whoever’s pushing the envelope on how much distance they can really cover is done, they meet up, have breakfast, and start work.

Natasha keeps giving him not-so-subtle hints that he should ask her out, but that’s never gonna happen. Even if you took away the greiving and both of them still being in love with other people, she’s just not his type. He can’t see her as anything but a good friend at the least and an annoying little sister at the most, and he knows the feeling is mutual.

That’s part of the reason why he doesn’t bother knocking before using his key to step into her apartment, a bag full of things she’s left behind in his hands. She’s not in the living room or the kitchen, and even though they lived together for a solid four months, he’s not about to cross his boundaries and go any further into her place without permission. So he takes a seat on the couch (his old one which is now hers because she claims she’s gotten used to the lumps and can’t sleep without them) and waits for her to appear.

A good fifteen minutes pass before he hears footsteps approaching the apartment and the sound of singing. He recognizes the voice immediately because of the times she’d sing in the shower, but the song is unfamiliar. More than likely, she’s still got her earbuds in and hasn’t realized she’s giving a free concert to anyone in earshot.

“Got the sunshine on my shoulders, got a fist full of four-leaf clovers. Yeah, my cup runneth over. My sky is blue.” Cheerful, and a catchy melody. Maybe he’ll ask her the name so he can look it up. You can find any song you like nowadays on one little app.

“Been kissed by lady luck, the stars are all lined up. Every arrow that I aim is true-” The key turns in the lock and he starts to stand. “-but I miss you.” Some pains never completely fade, but at least they’re talking about it. That has to be worth something.

#marvel #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x oc #bucky fic #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #the winter soldier #captain america #steve rogers

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rigelmejo · 3 years

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the word brain - summary and notes

the word brain: http://www.amedeo.net/wb/TheWordBrain2015.pdf

It’s a book about how to learn a language. I like the straightforward estimates of time lengths in it. What I’m about to write is gonna have a lot of notes to myself (as usual lol).

anyway, below is the word brain summary. and my ideas on how to maybe add its ideas to my study plan.

Notes:

Increasing Vocab:

I tend to not do the explicit vocab study the book starts with for very long. I did it for french for around 1000 words (which was apparently enough base), and 2000 words using memrise for chinese. Now for japanese I use memrise to do this step.

What I learned from this step, is there may still be use in dedicating some time per day to reading my hanzi books and common-word dictionaries - and reading sections over a few times in spaced repetition (like day 1,3,7,13, 30) could work similarly like memrise/anki. So I could still have use for them.

This book mentioned word lookup in novels counts, if you do it often, and so I can see how I usually quickly abandon “this writer’s way” of increasing vocab, and move onto relying nearly entirely on reading and word lookups to learn as soon as I feel reading is doable. So again... I could speed up word acquisition with either: more memrise/anki, or more glancing at my reference texts every so often. Not that much time is needed either - 5 minutes to learn a word (so studied in like 30 sec - 1 minute intervals over multiple sessions). My usual strategy of reading to acquire words definitely works - but I could probably speed it up a bit by a bit more purposeful reviewing. And I could still have a use for my reference books if I use them for hanzi/word learning.

Also - aiming for 5000 words in related languages, 15,000 in very unrelated languages, is usually enough for overall comprehension.

Listening skills:

Need generally 1,500-2,000 listening hours to parse speech in a language. This time can mostly be done surrounded by language audio. So basically: yes playing your target language in the background does help. And will help for up to about 2,000 hours, at which point it should’ve benefited your ability to parse speech. If you have difficulty parsing speech, listen more.

You can also do shows/audio you intensively listen to/focus on purposefully (like Listening Reading Method, shows, documentaries). The takeaway point is just - there’s actually merit to the suggestion to “listen to target language as often as you can.” (Which I did not know there was any real benefit). And that even if you’re not trying to comprehend it’s content, simply practicing parsing the sounds by listening is beneficial. So I’m gonna start playing more audio in the background more often.

Reading:

I basically do the advice. What this book recommends: using audio at first whenever you read, to create the correct ‘inner voice.’ I didn’t do it, do it now sometimes, it is what it is. But probably good advice for new learners to USE their textbook audios, course audios, and graded reader audios when they have them available - since they’ll help. (The sure would’ve helped me in french ToT).

*Grammar:

Like my plan to read a grammar guide, this is kind of similar. But this book recommends learning the most common grammar structures just like words - “nailing” them in your memory by reviewing them (in spaced repetition). I think this is probably something I could add to my studies - picking up my grammar books, and reading and re-reading parts of them to help remember them better. So studying them much like words. Or watching grammar videos and rewatching/reviewing in that same kind of sequence to help remember.

I could possibly do a few review grammar guide fast-overviews - where I just reread old grammar guides I read now and then, to reinforce the memory (like spaced repetition). This is something the book recommends.

I don’t think the book mentioned it, but this could be a good place I could add 50-100 hours of producing/practicing grammar structure - at least the main ones.

Basically though - I could do a little grammar-focused study.

Speaking:

Grammar overview/learning words. Listen, read, first. Then shadow.

---

Summary: could use my reference books by studying similar to how anki/memrise work and just reading/re-reading in spaced review sessions (If I want to increase how fast I learn vocab), reading and looking up words repeatedly to acquire vocab does work though. Listen to more audio in background in general. I could probably use 50 hours of some review of the grammar more (review same as words), and some particular practice on main grammar. I should shadow more.

---

Looking at their table, chinese is probably going to take 3-5 years, and if I eventually slow down my study then up to 6 years.

I also think if this book’s definition of fluency is higher than mine like ‘C1′ competency, then I might get away with accomplishing my goals 1-2 years faster than this book’s timeline - since B1-2 is usually enough for me to be happy with what I’m able to do (I would imagine B2 is definitely enough to read/listen for enjoyment and talk to people about general topics with some fumbles?). Anyway... based on their table I would guess it will take me 1-2 more years to do what I want comfortably? At least, if I can keep my reading progress improving at the current rate or throw in some extra hours this year, I think within another year I might get to a point where I can read/listen for enjoyment mainly. At which point, slowing down my progress by studying less wouldn’t bother me as much - then if it took another 1-3 years for improved fluency because I’m studying slower, I wouldn’t mind as much. If this book’s fluency aim is around B2, then I’m probably looking at at least 2 more years. Still not bad ToT I have a bit of a warped perspective, I expected like A2-B1 level reading skill to take 4 years, whereas its taken me more like 2 years, so I’m already way ahead of schedule in how much time I thought chinese improvements would take.

I can at worst *painfully* read most modern things I try to now - so weibo, random literary stories/novels, gu long, webnovels, shows, tests, news. Sometimes I can read much easier than that, but in the worst cases I can take a while and grasp the main ideas and some details (did that with some random novels/news). Which is where my french was at about 1 years in. Chinese, having less cognates, means I’m not going to learn the unknown words fast enough to ease the ‘pain’ unless I keep studying to speed up word-learning. So that’s what I’m doing, still studying much more than I did for french at this level. But as far as milestones, I’m around what I consider A2 pushing into B1 (starting to not find modern material completely impossible) - in chinese I’m even a little better, I can start pretty much whatever new show I want and follow the main story and some details at minimum. I was never able to do that in french. Also I can follow some audiobooks/audiodramas if I have prior context - I have never tried that in french.

My personal “milestones” I go by:

a. can recognize enough common words to start trying to read comics/books with a dictionary (could be very painful lol) - this is when immersion becomes feasible.

b. know enough basic words to start trying to basically express self imperfectly (ideally eventually basically in many ideas) - this is when language exchange becomes realistic/journaling.

c. can recognize enough words and grammar in reading that main idea is generally understood without an aid (main idea understanding without aid might be painful but its possible) - this is when immersion in french I could stop using a dictionary, and in graded reading material i want at least this level of comprehension to start using it, this is when immersion can become pleasant with a dictionary, when info can start being learned from context somewhat more regularly.

d. can start to recognize main idea without aid without it feeling draining, and some amount of detail without aids - immersion now pleasant without a dictionary/aids, can learn more from context alone without feeling drained, with aids i can now pick up new words quicker but without it being draining, comprehension is now enough that depending on material i don’t feel any need/desire for an aid to grasp the missed details.

e. can recognize main idea and nearly all details, the rest mostly clear from context, nothing feels draining (mainly i only have this in graded reading materials - but in chinese daily life manhua i often feel like this now, with french website navigation or informational texts since i use them a lot, etc).

a+b is usually my goal within 5 months to a year - french took me 3-5 months, chinese took me 5-8 months. japanese took me 1.5 years lol. c is my absolute minimum goal - its enough to at least consume media with a dictionary. the beginning of the c stage can still feel ‘painful’ since all reading is ‘painful reading’ or ‘intensive reading.’ But it is comprehensible with a dictionary, so I can start learning that way. d is when I start feeling happier lol, and different areas of comprehension reach d at different points. e is my usual goal but i’ve only really hit it in certain ‘genres’ of content. All these milestones i can also ‘partially hit’ - for example in japanese years ago i hit ‘basic main idea’ milestone c for manga, but not for any other content type. For japanese... it took 2 - 2.5 years to hit c stage, which is where I’m picking back up (I can understand basic main idea with intense draining feeling, but with a dictionary i can follow most things). Now that I’m picking it up, I seem to be c in a few more ‘genres’ - video games I can also follow main idea better, and now novels are more doable with a dictionary (though i would NOT say i could follow even the main idea of a novel chapter without a dictionary). My chinese is sitting at d mostly for reading, at the earlier side of ‘usually I decide to look things up’ for missing details because i don’t want to always rely on context alone (unless its a show or manhua or extensive reading practice).

#the word brain #article #may #may progress #study plan

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violetsoju · 3 years

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i took an online introductory mandarin course during the lockdown and it took me almost half a day to get through two 10-minute videos about basic vocab and grammar because i could only pay attention for three minutes before i opened another tab for tumblr or youtube LOL T-T my brain would not be able to handle school anymore

i had never had shaking hands or heart palpitations from caffeine before!! usually i just get a headache. but i was working that day so i had to try very hard to appear like i wasn't suffering HAHA despite this i still like boba, but i can't have it at night anymore (one time i stayed awake until 4am, it was absolutely dreadful) ಥ_ಥ

i feel bad when i find my books all covered in dust from sitting around untouched for years, but it's always a nice reminder of the worlds i was temporarily transported to when i read them (◡‿◡)

also LIN!! did you do synchro swimming!?? cuz that IS SO INTENSE WOWZA i used to take swimming lessons and the chlorine was the worst part! always had to have goggles so idk how on earth the synchro swimmers do it, i would just be crying underwater

yvonne yvonne im putting this under the cut bc i got excited and got carried away hahahaha 👉👈

omg half a day for two 10-minute videos i have never felt this so much T_T hopefully the course was helpful tho!! and yeah even when i drag myself to the library to get work done, i cant focus without closing the tumblr and youtube tabs :'))) im guilty of scrolling tumblr and discord while lectures or tutorials are on-going too at times LOL

aaah thats good thats good T_T i think heart palpitations and head pounding are the max for me to suffer from alr, def would not want to venture into shaking hands ;_; omg bc same!! i couldnt resist having milk tea during a christmas dinner party once (it was so so good tho T_T) and oh my god i was staring at the celling wide awake until 4/5am too :')) but surprisningly viet coffee is alright for me, i wonder why hmmm

hey at least your books are covered w dust in all its glory while some of mine are still wrapped cosily in plastic after years........ 💀 but when you randomly pick them up when feeling nostalgic and flip the pages that have turned yellow, those feels are really :'))) i springclean my room once a year (bc cny and thats the time where asian moms go all frenzy w springcleaning hhh) but theres a certain selection of books that still make the cut till today ♡ and ngl the amount of series that i bought on impulse bc of fomo and bc they were the thing back then that i have donated away are.... coughs coughs any hot takes on which series they were hhhh

hahahaha i did!! back when i was younger heheh for fun tho!! ntg serious mainly bc i was just there for fun and i wasnt flexible enough LOL (my coach used to ask my mom what milk formula she fed me bc my bones were hard as hell hhhh) plus i cant for my life open my eyes underwater so i never did group routines -> never making it to the next level hhh. i used to be that kid who just wanted to try anything and everything so synchro swimming made it to the list too 😂 looking back it is quite intense i would say, lots of physical and mental strength needed. physical bc you need good stamina and muscle strength to flop in and out the water like a fish w grace w limited air supply, mentally bc the pools we trained in were diving pools so they were real deep, real real deep. i forgot exactly how deep it was but in a section of the pool there was an inverted pyramid at the base. our training was at night so imagine a dimly lit swimming arena, swimming w the dim lights flickering the water and having your feet real far away from the ground, it was honestly quite a challenge at first haha (i was made to do swimming drills in the swimming lanes w no lights at all both above and underwater bc i wasnt part of upcoming comps and oh my god i would never be able to do it again if asked to now) but once you get used to it its alright! kids being kids we even competed w each other to see who could reach the deepest end of the pool sometimes hhh. i did it for 3-4 years i think, didnt met the nicest ppl there but met some ppl w hearts of gold there too ♡ a fun and valuable memory and experience nevertheless!

#yvonne ❤️#ive always been debating whether to download language learning apps to learn cantonese huhu #the og brown sugar boba is still v v nice T_T #honestly its still quite crazy to how i ended up doing synchro swimming too hahahaha #and tysm for reading till the end and listening to me ramble T_T #OH i forgot to add that pointing your toes is really really hard too T_T #i think i strained some nerve of mine back then bc i easily get cramps in my feet now T_T

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minervahopebeyond · 4 years

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Blood Petals.

Hello, everyone! I had so much fun writing this one!! I really hope you enjoy it as much as I did!!

Ps. I’m sorry if you find any errors (grammar or vocabulary)

Chapter 5: Chess and Quidditch.

The Order of The Phoenix started to do meetings as soon as summer began. For sometime after the department of mysteries they decided to lay low, the attacks were getting worst and Molly Weasley had stated that it made more sense to wait until the kids were done with the school year just for the logistics of it all. Then summer arrived and a lot of people started to come and go from Grimmauld Place all the time. Because of that, Draco quickly realized that he didn’t like Weasley’s mother. And it wasn’t because of the fact that she was a Weasley, shockingly enough, he had proof of that given that he had started to spend a lot of his time with Weasleys in general. The blond boy had actually classified all of the redheads according to the next categories: ‘could had been friends’ , ‘I don’t mind’ , ‘I don’t want them here’.

The Weasley twins were in the first category, it was mostly because they were funny as hell and Draco always thought that, even when they were at school; now they were starting their own business after dropping school: amazing. In the same category, even though it was weird as hell, was Weasley: they spent their time playing chess while the meeting took place and even if they didn’t talk much, Draco noticed that Weasley was awfully forgiving and kind; he felt it was a shame that he treated him as shit for so many years because he genuinely thought they could have been friends at some point if he had acted differently.

On the ‘I don’t mind’ was Arthur Weasley who he didn’t know much but the man was nice to everyone so.. Next in the category was Bill Weasley who Draco thought about putting him in the first one just because he was so good looking, but sadly enough the blond boy didn’t get to talk to him enough to place him in another category than ‘ I don’t mind’.

Ginevra was a curious case because he could place her in all three categories. He liked how witty she was and the whole ‘one of the boys’ vibe she had going on, she also reminded him of Pansy with how much of a bitch she was sometimes and Draco loved that too (and this were all things first category worthy). On the other hand, given the fact that she ignore his existence he would place her in the second one. However, if he only took into account the fact that Potter was spending all his bloody time playing quidditch with her, she would most likely be in the last category.

Molly Weasley was definitely in ‘I don’t want them here’ because of only one reason: she was very mean to Sirius. All the time. And what pissed off Draco the most is that she said mean shit as if they where just passing comments and not hurtful at all. Like ‘That’s because you don’t know what is like to raise a child, dear’ or ‘Harry needs actual bounderies’ or even ‘Harry if you feel uncomfortable here or just want to stay at the burrow you are obviously welcome’. He didn’t like it at all, he didn’t like the passive-aggressive tone she used, he didn’t like how she would just get inside the bloody kitchen to cook without asking for anyone’s permission and he absolutely didn’t like the way that Sirius would talk less at dinner if she was there. So no, he didn’t like Molly Weasley, sue him. And he was almost one-hundred percent sure that Mr. Potter didn’t like her either, because every time she said something shitty he would press his lips to a fine line and raise his eyebrows as if he was saying ‘well, look at the utter bullshit that woman just said’. Of course none of them said a word on the matter, they just made gestures of displeasure in silence.

Weeks were passing by rather quickly between him doing research about the stupid flower disease, flying in the gardens (because now he did have his broom) and the Order meetings. Draco mostly felt as good as ever,all the books he consulted said that this was one of the most painful diseases known to mankind but it didn’t feel like it. Although the thing he felt on the ribs did worried him.

The tickling feeling came and go constantly and every time it happened it was about the prat who lived. Sometimes it would be smooth tickles, mostly if Potter said something in a kind tone to Draco or even when they argued and the dark haired boy would take a sassy attitude... it also had happened when Potter had shook his hand so he guessed that he also would felt it if the boy shown any kind of physical affection (of course he couldn’t prove this because that was the only time that Potter had touched him). Although it was annoying, that kind of tickles, didn’t worry him so much; the ones that worried him were the ‘strong tickles’ as he called them.

The strong tickles were awful and he knew exactly when they happened. It wasn’t in different stuff like the soft ones, no, they would only occurred when he saw Potter with the She-Weasel. It was ridiculous because he heard that she was dating Thomas but he also remembered the awful poem that she did in second year and how she used to look at Potter in the hallways just like he did... Whenever he saw them laughing or flying outside, Draco would feel as if the inside of his ribs had been casted with a tickling charm. It didn’t even make him laugh, he just wanted to scratch himself until his skin hurt instead of the awful feeling he had. That eventful day was an ‘strong tickles’ day.

Weasley has the idea to take the chessboard outside because the summer heat was unbearable and Draco agreed. They were sitting in the garden table, just a few moves inside the game when Potter and Ginevra decided to play a seekers game. He tried to focus on the bloody board but the tickles had started and they were laughing so fucking loudly.

“Doesn’t it bother you that your git of a best friend is flirting with your little sister right in front of you?” He hissed at the redhead. It was a shitty comment to do, as far as Draco could tell Weasley hadn’t catch on in the ridiculous mating ritual that those two were doing. And maybe if they would just snogged it would be more bearable than seeing Potter smile around Grimmauld for two days straight because the She-Weasel made a joke. He saw Potter flying around her just because, with a very attractive smile on his face. The tickles got even worse.

“Ginny would hit me if I said something about them being too close.” He moved his knight “But I don’t like it, no.”

Draco took his bishop and made a small move. He wasn’t actually paying attention.

“Then why don’t you tell him? You are his friend, he should just know.” Weasley smiled at The blond boy and shook his head.

“It’s okay, your little ferret brain should only be concerned in finding your whatever thing.”

Yeah, but that was the problem wasn’t it? He didn’t need to look for it. His thing, his cure was right there and it didn’t matter. Potter never looked at him, ever. He actually checked. His conversation with Sirius and Mr. Potter did a number on him so he started to play this game called ‘Is Harry Potter just straight-passing?’ And the answer was no: Draco had paraded himself shirtless a few times and nothing , he also winked at him and Potter didn’t even blink. It was humiliating.

“I’m going to erase that cute smile from your face, you’ll see.” He never used that tone. The blond boy turned to see Potter. He was pushing back his hair with a gigantic smile on his face, a glint in his eyes behind his glasses. He was really flirting with Ginevra, even if he didn’t know it yet. Draco felt the tickles become more and more severe and when he breathed it tickled even more. Not good. He started drinking a little of his tea.

“No, Harry! You are going to make us fall! And he saw Potter fall with her in his arms, almost as if they were hugging.

Of course Draco started coughing right there. He didn’t get anything out but he couldn’t stop coughing. Weasley offered to get him water but he shook his head and excused himself to get to the bathroom.

He just had to stop the coughing. He started looking for pepper up potion in the bathroom cabinet but he didn’t find any, so he drank a little water from the tap wishing the coughs would go away, it almost had worked but then he remembered the scene in the gardens and it all went to shit. The coughing didn’t seemed to stop. Still no petals. Good. He heard a knock on the door.

“Kid? Are you in there?”

He cleared his throat but when he spoke his voice came out as raspy. “Yeah.”

Mr. Potter didn’t ask if he could come in. The second he heard him he opened the door, got in and then closed it behind him.

“Ron came in the middle of the meeting to say that you started to cough and still hadn’t comeback. Snape was coming to see you but we convinced him not to.” Mr. Potter sat with him on the floor of the bathroom and when he started to cough again, the man started to rub circles on his back until Draco calmed down.

“Is it Ron?” The blond boy looked at him with an utterly confused look. “Oh come on, you know what I’m asking! Is it Ron? “

Draco just bursted laughing and he instantly felt better. This man was asking if he was in love with Weasley .

“I’m sorry, I just can’t believe that somebody just asked me if my secret unrequited love is Weasley” He chuckle then. “No Mr. Potter, really, it’s not him”.

“Shame, you seem to spend a lot of time together. Harry told me you two definitely weren’t like this at Hogwarts... I just thought it could be possible for it to be him.”

Draco smiled at him and shook his head.

“It’s not him, but I’m not telling you what happened, okay? I can’t imagine you or Sirius having the name of the poor boy and not meddling.”

Mr Potter chuckle and helped Draco to get off the floor, muttered something along the lines of ‘of course we’ll meddle’ and got out of the bathroom with him.

When Draco went back to the gardens he only found Weasley. He didn’t dare to ask where was Potter and Ginevra because he feared that the coughs would come back. It was better if didn’t think at all. They started a new game. He was thinking if he should tell him or not, they weren’t actually friends so maybe it would be weird... Fuck it.

“Thanks for getting help, Weasley.”

Ron seemed to had been taken by surprise. He blinked as if he was clearing his head, then he shrugged and smiled a little.

“Don’t worry about it, Malfoy.”

It wasn’t friendship, it was basic human decency but Draco felt good about it still. Maybe he could try to apologize with him in the future. And even if they could never be friends (which Draco would totally understood), it would still be better somehow.

#drarry #fanfic #fanfiction #prongsfoot

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jbbuckybarnes · 4 years

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Zerfall - 6/14

Pairing: Bucky x named!Reader (Agent Andromeda) Summary: After Hydra drops virus bombs in 7 major American cities in the height of summer, the team is locked in their emergency bunker for weeks. The virus commonly called the Summer Poison successfully brought the infrastructure to a halt in all big cities. When the virus slowly starts burning itself out SHIELD Agents and Avengers are sent out to bring back order into the cities and the international relationships. Not without hurdles. Warnings for this chapter: Pandemic, crime, canon typical violence, flirting, picturing killing as a positive thing, weird grammar. Not beta read. **Image credit goes to Ubisoft.

Zerfall Masterlist || M a s t e r l i s t

You’d been walking for about half a block when you were yanked towards a bus to hide behind. “There’s five of them, northeast,” he whispered and got the AR off his back. You scanned the area, “It’s not five. It’s 8, great,” you mumbled. “I go left, you go right,” he ordered and after a little countdown by hand you slowly sneaked your way from car to car until you were both close enough. You took the safety off two pistols before looking over and nodding. Both of you came out of your covers in perfect sync, killing 5 of them instantly. Three of them run to get cover and you ran EADA again to know where all of them were exactly. An easier thing to do if you had those damn contact lenses. “Damn agents!” One of them yelled. “Shut up, whiny baby,” you yelled back, getting out of cover in time to land a perfect headshot. “The Vultures will come for you, bitch!” Another one yelled. “Sorry, can’t hear you over how good I’ll land a headshot on you.” You smirked and landed the next one in sync with Bucky. “Don’t call my partner a bitch,” he said before walking to the cover of the last one, grabbing him with his metal arm and holding him up. “Help us or die,” he growled up at the young man. “No,” he croaked before going unconscious and being thrown onto the floor and hit in the heart by another shot. “I see, you like a little bit of the drama too.” You chuckled before helping him search through their weapons and ammunition. “Always.” He grinned over, picking up a few cartridges of ammo and chugging them into his bag on the back of his tactical belt. “Let’s get going then. We need to get to a safe house today.” You smiled and cut the dog tags off the dead bodies that had them. His brow went up, “Wanna count how many people betrayed their country. And maybe these come in handy if they have a boss that actually cares about them.” “Forget it, only psychopaths would start something like this.” He kicked the man that had insulted her earlier. It seemed to really annoy him. Maybe it was just his 40s brain that wanted the respect for a woman, cause he definitely had a foul mouth in the army and didn’t expect her to not curse like a sailor. He actually was kinda excited about that part for some reason.

On the way to the safe house you came across some groups of three, taking them down easily in less than a few seconds. You were already starting to work in perfect sync when it came to combat. You made note of the buildings that were clearly guarded and when you got to the Consulate General of Mexico you made note of all the guards and scanned the area. 12 people that you could see and scan for. “Guarding duty is the most boring thing ever.” One of them mumbled to the other and you looked over at Bucky who winked back at you while getting a grenade from his belt. “Hm, at least it isn’t patrolling.” Something clinked onto the floor in between the two guards on the left and the one on the right. Before they could even start a word there was an explosion and you got out your AR and he got out his. “Showtime.” you grinned while taking aim at all the suddenly alert and confused guards. One, two, three, four, five, all dead in less than a minute. 4 left in their cover. Bucky took the marksman rifle from his back and aimed up at where they were hiding. Hitting them with astonishing accuracy, hearing a thud after each one. “Wow, that was impressive, Barnes,” you said surprised at the actual level of skill he had from his tortured years. “Glad I can use it for good now,” he answered as if he was able to read your thoughts at that moment. “I’m glad too.” You smiled over at him before you both stormed into the building, checking for more guards inside and taking 4 out with silencers on your pistols or a knife into their throat. “I really got the best agent as a partner, huh?” He grinned as you walked toward a safety door. “I guess you do.” You grinned back before hacking the door open. As he wanted to close the door behind you, you gestured him to stop. “Loot the dudes outside and bring as much of the weapons and ammo inside of here for other agents,” you ordered him and got a serious nod back. Your eyes scanned the room for a laptop or computer with a drive attached to it and after a while of looking around you found it. “Gotcha.” You smirked hacking your way through the information, downloading it onto your EADA. While it was doing that you finally took the backpack that was sitting in a locker and went through it. “Finally.” You breathed out exhausted, getting a look from Bucky that was just dumping some guns into the room. You got out the SAID agent vest that was going to regenerate by itself and put it around your chest. Then you made a dig through the side pockets for the contact lenses, getting another weirded out look from your partner. “What the hell are you doing?” He finally spoke out what went through his head. “These link up to the watch and I can see where enemies are hiding and where friendlies are if they fight with us. I also have a scope attachment that can do that if you ever need that,” you explained to him with a proud smile on your face. He shook his head grinning, “You’re a nerd.” After you got both of your backpacks situated into one and everything was done with your equipment, you wandered back to the computer that had finished with the drive a few minutes before. “Holy shit,” you muttered at the screen and Bucky’s steps led next to you. “The red parts are enemy bases, the symbols above them are the factions of enemies, these are the shadow zones in dark purple and...there we have a settlement, a big one.” You pointed at the library closer to the Empire State Building, about two blocks down from where you were currently situated. He looked up from the map with a hopeful face directly at you, “Then let’s get there and help those people.” If there was one thing you had already learned about him, it was that he wanted nobody to suffer from something Hydra did to them and he’d do anything to help people right now.

“Why do I have the feeling that this day will be a long one?” He speculated while you walked down the first block. “Well, we’ll get a ton of new information on the current situation from them. That’s gonna be pushing us from now on, ain’t it?” You smiled at the road ahead. “Guess you’re right. I’m just afraid we can’t help that much,” he mumbled. “We can, don’t get into your own head about it.” Your hand landed on his shoulder. “I try.” He gave you a soft smile of appreciation. “I mean, key points of enemies to take over seems like a lot of fun to me if all of them are this bad at their job.” You giggled. “They are the worst, aren’t they?” He laughed. “Horrible, Bucky. Absolutely horrible.” You chuckled and then both of you calmed down again and went back into Avengers mode. “Check every backpack you find on the way, Bucky. They might need what’s in there,” you told him, knowing there might be tech, textiles and other things in them. They were everywhere on the side of the streets and in house entrances. By the dawn both of you finally reach the settlement, visible from afar by the guard towers and big gates they made with trucks and billboards. You saw them aim at both of you for a while before you heard someone yell and the weapons went down. “He yelled to get their boss.” Bucky translated next to you. “Thanks, super hearing dork.” You nudged him and had an arm on the small of your back a second later. “Probably a vet. I bet on it.” He looked down at you, feeling oddly protective towards you because of a possibly very stressed out military man. “He’ll have to follow my lead tho. It’s my specialty to unapocalypse.” You heard him chuckle as a few guards came towards you. “So good to see you, Agent. Hello, Mr. Barnes.” A young man welcomed you. “We’re glad we finally found you.” You smiled at them and scanned their equipment for a second. “Our Captain will be glad to finally see you too.” A girl smiled and nudged her head towards the gate. “A Captain, not bad.” Bucky nudged you as you walked in. “Probably the only reason this is still holding up. Let’s be honest, Buck,” you said looking around while walking into the library part of the building. What was a museum before was now used as a home. The bookshelves were freed from their glass casing. There were beds all around and a corner with food and water. “It’s probably nice to have all these books to distract you. Especially for the children,” you mumbled before a big door opened.

A big bulky man came through the door, not as scary as Bucky could look, but intimidating enough to keep this place together, you assumed. “Agent! Sergeant! Richard Davis. Nice to finally see you. What took so long?” He laughed and shook hands with both of you. “Stark didn’t let us out of his bunker until it was safe enough and some idiots were guarding the place our safe house was in. How’s it going here and where do you need the most help?” He chuckled, “That list is long. I did as much as possible with my Air Force and Agent background to train the men and women around here, but it’s only enough to defend this place and get the occasional food. We need as many buildings as possible around here cleared to have more supplies to make this a self-sufficient little tribe. We thankfully have the doctor's office across the street occupied but we need more stuff to make this a solid foundation. The school around the corner on 35th is still full of Vulture idiots. Could you clear that up? Would definitely earn complete trust from the skeptics here.” He looked around in the room. “With a bit of ammo and help from a few of your people, we can do that in about...30 minutes.” You looked up from your watch and saw a surprised but happy face. “I’ll get my men ready. Patricia? Show them where they can find ammo and other weapons.”

About 45 minutes later you were surrounding the school, EADA scanning the surroundings for anyone and anything. “You all stay back and let us do the main work, understood?” You looked back at the amateur shooters. “Yes, Agent.” One of them whispered. “Bucky?” You looked over and he looked up, “Go.” He took down two men with silenced guns, then gave another one a knife and kicked the fourth one into the next bush. It was magnificent to watch him do all of this with no sound coming from him. “That’s not a Sergeant. That’s a General, my dear.” Captain Davis watched the almost beautiful choreography of kills in front of him. “He’s something, isn’t he?” You grinned before getting up and following Bucky through the door he had opened up. “Getting the hallway safe, then you can do the rooms with your shotguns. Be safe,” you whispered into the earpiece. “Got it.”

Reblog if you liked this (or Alpine will haunt you!)

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makeste · 5 years

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BnHA Chapter 247: Todoroki Angst

Previously on BnHA: Ujiko started some kind of procedure on Tomura to make him even more powerful, because that’s what we were all asking for at the end of the last arc, isn’t it? “Horikoshi can you go ahead and make the homicidal nihilist even stronger please and thank you.” Well not to worry, because he’s got our backs! Meanwhile Hawks poked around the villain HQ trying to find out more details about That End Of The World Thing That’s Happening In 4 Months, and came up with squat. But he did successfully pass on his secret message to Endeavor about how “THE CHILDREN ARE OUR ONLY HOPE,” so Endeavor shrugged and was like “fine, HEY CHILDREN, LET’S GO FIGHT CRIME.” Anyways, so I was thinking, do you suppose they all just figured out they’re actually in a shounen manga? Because that would explain a lot.

Today on BnHA: Endeavor gathers the kids together and is all “so tell me about yourselves.” Deku is all “I have two quirks shut up it’s not weird” and says he wants to get better at harnessing his power so that he can use it without it being destructive. Kacchan is all “I’m already strong but I want to become better as a person” and I appreciate how the other characters are able to hold themselves back from exclaiming, “THIS KID’S REDEMPTION ARC... IT’S TOO POWERFUL...!” because I sure the fuck would have if I was there. And then Shouto is all “hey dad, friendly reminder that I’m here because I want to get stronger to reach my own goals, but you’re still a shitty dad and I hate your guts.” Endeavor, to his credit, reacts very appropriately to all three kids (including a resigned “got it” to Shouto, which was in fact the only appropriate response, so props to him for that), and dives right on in to mentoring the shit out of them. He then delivers a challenge -- defeat at least one villain without him beating them to the punch. So that should be fun, and I mean that with complete sincerity. Bring it!

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

oooooh shit we’re starting right on a continuation of the Fuyumi panel from last week. TODOROKI DRAMA ARC INCOMING. THIS IS IT BOYS. THE BIG ONE

omg omg omg

friendly reminder that chapter 242, in which this internship was first announced, came out on September 6. that is six whole weeks that we’ve been waiting for this internship to actually get started for real. I WAS PROMISED CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND UNUSUAL INTERACTIONS AND UNLIKELY BONDS BEING FORMED. and I have been patient, because In Horikoshi We Trust, but is it finally that time now? I just need them to stop hinting at it and finally get to it before I lose my mind okay

so Endeavor is asking Baku and Deku for their character profiles

Deku: “I used to break bones on demand, now I shoot wind from my fists along with the occasional Venom Symbiote”

Bakugou: “I blow shit up and I also have your character development arc, but fast-tracked so that it kicked in before I could fully become a massive prick like you”

meanwhile Shouto just sits there pouting because as we know from the Babysitter’s Club arc (and also from the Sports Festival arc, during which he dragged Deku into a hallway and was all “time to tell you about my tragic past” completely unprompted), he actually has his own character profile on standby ready to go at a moment’s notice, but everyone just keeps it benched all the time. poor Shouto

(ETA: he will not be silenced!!)

so Endeavor is phrasing this in the weirdest way possible, asking them to state “their current ‘assignments’” lol what. at least the second part of this is clearer, with him asking what they want to gain from this internship

okay so Deku says he wants to control his power so that he can “move at max performance.” yes that’s a very good goal for you, World’s Last Hope

lmaoooo

“weren’t you the kid who broke every bone in his arms several times in succession while attempting to KO my youngest child.” way to make an impression Deku

so Deku patiently explains that, yes, but we’re WELL BEYOND the whole bone-breaking stage now and currently at the “trying to master my new SECRET POWER which is still under wraps” stage. get with the times, Endeavor

hahaha here we go. this is so painfully awkward

“yeah so I kind of have a second quirk now. you know. as one does. please ignore how the only other known person to ever have multiple quirks just so happens to be the greatest villain of all time who is currently incarcerated in Tartarus following his last stand during which the number one hero lost all his power. that’s not relevant. anyways so yeah, two quirks, it’s totally normal and not a big deal at all”

what the actual fuck is he going to do once quirks # 3, 4, 5, etc. come along? this is such a disaster it’s not even funny. and by the way, this whole time I’ve been ignoring the elephant in the room that is Katsuki’s face while Deku nearly spills the beans about his so-called secret. but let’s all just acknowledge that it’s amazing and it belongs in a museum

thankfully Endeavor has had more than enough of exercising his brain today after all of that codebreaking, and isn’t even bothering to ask any questions. instead he’s just like, “show me.” probably the right call; easier to just see wth he’s going on about rather than keep listening to this strange and incredibly suspicious explanation

here we go guys time for some BLOOP

that’s because you’re still scared of it! boy if you’re not going to listen to Katsuki then I hope Endeavor can knock some sense into you at least!

you know, Endeav may be scowling so hard his face is gonna get stuck that way, but so far he’s not half bad at this mentoring/coaching thing

really appreciate how he jumps straight into asking pertinent questions about what Deku wants to do with this new quirk, rather than being all “how the fuck do you go from breaking all of your bones to THAT”

so now Deku’s explaining how it works and says he’s been applying the same principles that he uses with Air Force

LMAOOOOO

this right here is the most accurate introduction to Deku that Endeavor could ever have possibly received. THAT’S IT, THAT’S THE CHARACTER

and it also neatly sums up his whole problem with Blackwhip as well, which is just that he’s way overthinking it. no fucking wonder he can’t do anything with it yet! he’s trying to run NASA-level calculations in his head in real time while using it, like wtf. just let loose boi

also can we stop and appreciate how both Bakugou and Shouto are just fucking done. like, Bakugou is one thing, but just look at Todoroki fucking Shouto, Deku’s #1 fan and admirer, being all “wtf I hate Deku now”

LMAO AGAIN

Burnin’ is quickly rising through my favorite character ranks. meanwhile Shouto has gleaned, quite correctly, that those were in fact words coming from Deku’s mouth. what kind of words is a mystery, but at least it’s something

omfg Endeavor can speak Deku

(ETA: one of the things I’m noticing on a reread is how Endeavor is approximately twice the size of the kids. and it’s not like they’re small or anything. but they look like toddlers next to him. he’s only 6′4″ how is he towering over them to this degree.)

I feel like Endeavor’s intelligence levels fluctuate from week to week. or even from panel to panel. enigma

so blah blah blah he’s thinking to himself “his raw power rivals All Might’s” and then -- ! LOOK AT THIS SHIT

SOFT ENDEAVOR ADOPTING DEKU WTAF. holy shit. if anyone says they saw this coming, I’m calling you out as a fucking liar. BUT I’M HERE FOR IT OMG

AND NOW THIS ONE’S TURN!

(ETA: Kacchan is 5′7″. pretty sure Endeavor is actually 8 feet tall.)

lmao Deku’s face. trying to work out what this means and whether it’s good or bad

meanwhile, after the multiple pages of extensive rambling from Deku, Endeavor is about to get an introduction from Bakugou which will likely just consist of “I WANT TO BECOME THE NUMBER ONE” with absolutely no introspection whatsoever. basically the polar opposite of Deku. gotta love it

HERE WE GO

ooh, unexpected! though still brusque. but to be fair, he’s gifted when it comes to saying a lot in few words

(ETA: out of the three, Kacchan definitely took up the least amount of time with his introspection. not bad for a kid who used to think the entire fucking world revolved around him. growth!)

now he’s bitching at Burnin’ for not having anything better to do than stand around heckling them lmao

SHE’S HERE TO PROVIDE COMMENTARY KATSUKI SHHH. in other news, today I learned that Burnin’ is actually me. huh

OH MY GOD KATSUKI IS METAING -- !! [ELBOWS MY WAY INTO THE FRONT ROW] EVERYONE FUCKING SHUT YOUR MOUTHS AND LISTEN!!!!

OH MY GOD

y’all Katsuki really just fessed up and admitted to needing to work on his growth as a person rather than his physical ability. along with a NEW ADORABLE CHILDHOOD FLASHBACK, EXCUSE ME WHILE I ORDER PRINTS OF THIS TO PUT IN MY WALLET

AND HERE WE GO NOW, THE WHOLE “I WANT TO SURPASS THE NUMBER ONE” PART. BUT IT WAS SO MUCH DEEPER THAN I EXPECTED, KATSUKI YOU CONTINUE TO MAKE ME PROUD! LOOK HOW DETERMINED HE IS TO BE A BETTER PERSON

PEOPLE OF THE WORLD, IF YOU’RE NOT ROOTING FOR BAKUGOU KATSUKI THEN WHY ARE YOU EVEN READING THIS MANGA HONESTLY

OMG ENDEAVOR

“this kid...” REMINDS YOU OF SOMEONE, DOESN’T HE! OH MY GOD I NEED TO SIT AND CALM DOWN AND DRINK SOME WATER

anyway so do you love him. YOU BETTER SAY YES!!

LMAO SHOUTO COULDN’T HOLD IT IN ANY LONGER

LET’S HEAR IT THEN, FIVE PEEPEE MAN!!

Endeavor is whipping back around on him all “I THOUGHT YOU CAME HERE TO MASTER YOUR NEW TECHNIQUE” with this look of borderline panic on his face that implies to me that it’s one thing to take on two new kids with no familiar baggage, and quite another to have to deal with his own son’s personal angst which is directly related to his own worst personal shortcomings and sins! but that’s just too bad, Endeavor! also, fuck you!

OH MY GOD TODOROKI SHOUTO HAS THE SOFTEST SADDEST EXPRESSION AND THIS SPEECH IS GOING TO MAKE ME CRY WHAT THE HELL

even Kacchan has gone soft. meanwhile, is somebody cutting onions in here or

(ETA: also, Kacchan really has been promoted to best friend status, hasn’t he? or co-best friend at least. Shouto really does value their time training together, huh. “spending time with these guys.” anyways so this officially is the TodoBakuDeku arc, sorry everyone I don’t make the rules.

also! I really love how Shouto’s character development has been all about him finally figuring out what it is that he wants. one way or the other, Endeavor has been the focus of his life since childhood. everything he did was centered around him, even when it was centered around defying him. it was still always him, and never Shouto. because he’d been raised as his father’s tool, he struggled with feeling like anything he achieved was just giving his father exactly what he wanted. so he never really had the freedom to strive toward his own goals until Deku finally broke him free of that mindset. it wasn’t until he was surrounded by others who shared the same dream he’d once had that he was able to move past the toxic part of that resentment. not to say that it wasn’t justified, because it was! and is, still. but all the same, it was hurting him at least as much as it ever hurt Endeavor, if not much more so.

so I really like the message his arc sends here, which is that forgiveness is not so much for the benefit of the one who hurt you as it is for yourself. and that’s obviously not the right word for it, by the way -- “forgiveness” -- but it’s just a placeholder for lack of a better one. because obviously as we can see, he hasn’t forgiven him, but what he has done is put that part of his past behind him. for his own sake, for his own peace, which he deserves. anyways guys Shouto is so fucking strong and I love him so damn much. shit.)

“y’all didn’t think I was gonna put the Terrible Trio together with Endeavor and not follow through on it with piles and piles of Todoroki angst,” Horikoshi says, casually filing his nails with one eyebrow raised. “c’mon”

here it comes y’all

ain’t no force on this earth more dramatic than a Todoroki. did he somehow get a wind blowing in from somewhere. aren’t they indoors

loool Endeavor getting DRAGGED LIKE AN UNTIED SHOELACE in front of these kids he just met two seconds ago, oof. “don’t forget dad, just because I’ve mellowed out a bit and accepted that I need to learn how to use my fire side doesn’t mean I don’t still hate your guts because BOY DO I.” oh damn

so your kid is justifiably pissed at you for your decade and a half of abuse, not to mention annoyed that you’re just putting it all behind you now and acting like it never happened. but it’s not like it’d make things any better if he just went back to acting like a jerk with these new kids! so here we all are, with no easy answers for this situation. what’s a 45-year-old man trying to make up for his past sins to do

(ETA: boy I just took a stroll around the ol’ fandom and a lot of people have really strong feelings about this huh. the most common sentiment seems to be “YAASSSS SHOUTO”, which I can 100% get behind. but it seems like a lot of people are also angry that Shouto is in this situation to begin with. specifically, we have the usual faction of people who are upset that Endeavor is getting any kind of redemption arc at all, and would prefer if he remained eminently hatable and shunned and detested for the rest of his days.

and look, I get it. humans are hardwired to want things to be fair. we want karma. kindness should beget kindness, and cruelty should net you the same treatment in return. reap what you sow. and while some crimes occasionally fall into a grey area, it hardly gets more black and white than Endeavor’s case. not only is there the child and spousal abuse, there’s also the incredibly dubious consent issues that arise in the case of an arranged marriage. like, there’s really no question that what he’s done is bad. so to see behavior like that “rewarded” by his becoming the number one hero, and to see people actually admiring him, and to watch him taking steps to turn his life around even as his wife and children struggle to gather the shattered pieces of their own lives -- yeah, that’s gonna trigger something in a lot of people. because it’s not fair. he hurt good people who didn’t deserve it, and all of this makes it seem like he’s getting away with it.

but here’s the thing -- there are different types of penance. there’s punishment, but there is also atonement. and Endeavor is getting his just desserts in some ways -- by being forever denied the chance to reach the goal that he worked his whole life toward, and by finally developing a conscience, the better to fully experience the remorse of knowing the pain he brought about to his family. but what’s arguably more important than that is that he also has the opportunity to try and atone for some of the terrible things he’s done, by doing good in the world now. he is a hero. his job is to help people. every day he is making the world a little better by doing that. and that, to me, is such a fascinating idea: a terrible person doing good things. and it’s something that feels almost counterintuitive, and that’s part of why a lot of people have so much trouble accepting it, I think. but it’s a fact of life, isn’t it? if good people can do bad things, then it stands to reason that the reverse is true as well.

and I’ll just come right out and say it -- for me, if it comes down to a choice of having someone be punished, or having them be forced to do good things to atone, I’m gonna go with the latter just about every time. because while it may not feel quite as viscerally satisfying, it’s the option that produces the greatest net benefit for the world. without Endeavor, the world would have one less person out there battling evil. and as I suspect we’re going to continue to see in this arc, there are other, subtler ways that he can still do good as well.

so yeah. it’s a tricky thing. but to be honest, the ability to explore this type of complexity is one of the things I respect the most about Horikoshi’s storytelling. he’s not taking the easy way out here. he’s not giving us easy answers one way or the other. no matter what kind of resolution we get to this character arc, it’s not going to be something that will satisfy everyone. but that’s just how it is. anyways, apologies for the rant.)

hmmm Endeavor

yeah you really read that one wrong. anyway I guess it’s your turn to make a speech now

...

classic Endeavor

(ETA: actually truth be told, that was quite eloquent, and pretty much the only thing he could have said in response to all that. it’s not like he can even begin to justify all of his actions, and pretty much anything else that came out of his mouth would have come off like an attempt to dismiss his son’s feelings, or him trying to weasel out of taking responsibility. there is pretty much nothing else he can say here except for “I understand. that’s valid, and I fucked up.” which this is pretty much acknowledging. anyways this whole chapter is basically the sequel/continuation to 192 and I’m loving it omg.)

so he says he’ll watch over the three of them as a hero, and lead them in hero stuff

oh, I wasn’t going to post this panel, but now Endeavor’s saying “those are the three fundamental skills sought after from a hero” so I guess I should, huh

ooh he says that generally heroes will choose to specialize in either rescue or battle, but his policy is to kick ass at all three. well that’s one similarity between him and All Might, at least. if you’re not here to both win and rescue then what are you even doing with your life am I right

damn there really is a reason why this guy is the number one huh

okay, like. not to knock like 99% of the other heroes out there, but is anyone else sitting there thinking “wow, finally someone competent” or is it just me. like, I really do get a sense of “he’s got it all under control” from him which is lacking with pretty much all of the other heroes. no wonder society is on the verge of being in shambles. what we really need is for all heroes to be this capable, and not just All Might or Endeavor or whoever happens to be the current number one

okay, Endeavor is really out here being a genuinely good mentor, I’m speechless

holy shit

-- WHAT, NO! ARE WE ALREADY DONE?? WHY

okay but I do love that, though. it’s a perfect goal for them. difficult, but not impossible at the rate they’re growing. and it also just so happens to be something that they need to be able to do if they really are going to be the shoulders that society is resting all of its hopes upon. and last but not least, it’s something that all three of them will be able to set their minds too gladly. kick this old man’s ass, kids

anyways. ladies and gentlepeople this chapter was only thirteen pages. shortest chapter we’ve had in a minute. but at least it was densely packed! even if Shouto took up like half of it with his Daddy Issues Speech. that’s okay Shouto we always welcome your daddy angst

all in all I am satisfied. character development, and finally a clear goal for the arc. though part of me would also love it if they manage to achieve this in like the very next chapter. you never know with these wunderkinds lol

#bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha 247 #endeavor #todoroki shouto #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha meta #makeste reads bnha #well here I am back from six flags at 1:30 a.m. and ready to rant about bnha in the middle of the night #I guess technically speaking it's not *that* late #in tumblr time anyway #anyway my bad sorry guys!

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