#im at work so no coherent thoughts just. Distress

[wataksampingan]

I lied - I have no outlet and I must scream (and also moved the flailing to a whole other post just to be safe)

** every single spoiler warning ever conceived of for chapter 88 onwards particularly ch 95, it's awful beyond the cut, don't do it unless you're like me and you can't help yourself despite having so many other more things to do **

Spoilers Ahoy

No, SERIOUSLY - huge spoilers ahead; don't say I didn't warn y'all

Are we ready?

Okay. Okay. Coz:

CHAPTER 95

Oh my gooooooodddddddd

I don't know if seungu was chomping at the bit as much as we all were but IT SURE FEELS LIKE IT LMAO (I have no idea what pronouns they use so general singular they will have to do for now)

Like they were also plotting out the story and there's Perry frustrated, and there's Theo, frustrated and then there's Phineas, frustrated and also depressed and they're just like, "okay I've almost killed off Phineas so I THINK WE ALL NEED A BREAK"

SHE SAVED HIS UNCLE SO SHE GETS A FULL ON CONFESSION AND HUG AND BLUSH IN A BLIZZARD AND MY HEART IS FULL AND IM CRYING

The way seungu did it too - I am rolling and reeling and gravity has no hold on me coz oh my god she told him, BASICALLY, everything she's been doing, all the effort she's been putting in-

Is for HIS SAKE.

All she thought of, all she worked for, all the studying and theorising and worrying was and is for him.

How could he hold his countenance after that?

oh my god she pulled a Wentworth on him; my girl pulled a "For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes?" on his ass AND SHE WASNT EVEN THINKING STRAIGHT SHE JUST BLURTED IT OUT COZ OF COURSE SHE CAN ONLY SAY IT UNDER DURESS*

I can't do any form of breakdown coz I'm in my feels but my GOD THEY'RE AWKARDLY TOGETHER NOW RATHER THAN AWKWARDLY APART HAPPY SEOLLAL FJFKDSS

Mia, you might be the one who supplied Dodolea Lapileon blood but in this one moment, thank you for existing coz apparently Perry needs a dose of jealousy to get her to admit - OUT LOUD and WITH HER FULL FACE- that she likes her husband

That I cannot screenshot Theo's SEMI-DISTRESSED, FULLY-REPRESSED EMBARRASSMENT IS A CRYING SHAME I TELL YOU

I have to calm down and write something more coherent later, coz there's really so much to point at and shriek excitedly about, but now is not the time

They're finally officially together and they haven't even kissed, I AM LUMINOUS, BLESS THIS SLOW BURN

*Pereshati Jahardt and Therdeo Lapileon are honestly so well matched in how emotionally blocked they are?? It takes several thought provoking epiphanies, Phineas nearly dying, Theo being scared to death, Mia being bitchy to her, moving to this frozen northern land, falling over into the snow and sitting in an isolated cabin with a blizzard howling outside to FINALLY ADMIT SHE HAS FEELINGS FOR HIM - I LOVE HER SO MUCH

P/S: young Theo calling Phineas "uncle", asking him not to go and to stay and help djfjsksksk my heart

Wait. 숙부 [sukbu] = dad's married younger brother

... my god PHINEAS WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FAMILY OH GOD

#MILAOWM #my in laws are obsessed with me #my in-laws are obsessed with me #spoilers #spoilers everywhere all at once all the time #incredibly spoilers

[thesherrinfordfacility]

am i missing something in kinda comparing the entire maggie and nina situation to paris? 'cause there was no need to get them to fall in love. a&c might not be able to make people actually feel it, but they seem to have mind control down pat without much effort (or any moral quandaries). they could have waited for an angel to show up and just faked it- easy, certain way out. it's not like the idea of working together like that is even weird, not after the gabriel miracle.

so. either they missed it, which is plausible, and uhhh, renders this whole ask pointless, or *would* have moral issues with it (also plausible💀), or they're being completely ridiculous again, and would rather plan balls than actually make an effort to get themselves out of Mortal Fucking Peril (not that aziraphale necessarily knows it is). i think it would fit the pattern, honestly- when not having huge blowouts over *problems of their own making* (hey aziraphale kill this kid it'll be fine, aziraphale why won't you ditch earth with me, crowley why won't you come to heaven with me), the ineffables always seem to be constantly, aggressively orbiting eachother, making heart eyes and goofing off (cough end of the resurrectionists "not kind" cough) with 0 regard for safety except for the (very very sadly i can't find the -ennial word for every other century) occasional heart attack, and then just skipping right back down the aisle.

(hope this is coherent, i've been editing things a little too long to tell)

hello @aq-uatic my darling!!!💕

(bby im so sorry!!! i thought i had posted this ages ago and i went rooting around in the drafts to continue something else and realised i hadn't!!! im an idiot sorry!!!)

i think there is some context behind aziraphale's actions in particular with this scene:

we know that aziraphale has a fondness for maggie, that i'd argue goes slightly beyond the fondness he has for humans in general (and even then that's questionable at times), and he seems genuinely put out that he's not in a position to help her - to wiggle his fingers about, and make it happen for her (horrifying implications, aziraphale, but we move). so, whilst aziraphale obviously is prompted into the whole 'lets-make-these-two-humans-fall-in-love-bc-that's-totally-normal-and-okay' by holding the everyday record back in the bookshop, i think there is an element of aziraphale genuinely wanting to help her, and coming up with the ball is his interpretation of an organic way to do that (💀). but it doesn't justify the whole thing one little bit; despite the possibility of that being his intention, it's completely batshit - nina certainly didnt know, let alone consent, to anything, and maggie didn't either; they're not dolls for either of them to play around with.

essentially though, i agree - any logical, coherent, sensible thinking would have probably just helped them arrive at a solution that didn't involve warping reality and bringing a whole room of people under a horrifying amount of hypnosis. but you have two supernatural creatures who, in a fairly major way by the time of 2023 at least, have their sense of existing amongst humanity influenced by not only the clandestine, dramatic nature of their own story, but by their tendencies towards damsel-but-not-wholly-in-distress-ing and anti-hero-at-best-ing respectively. we have to barely scratch the surface to see the intertextuality between these traits of theirs, and where they might stem from stories told in certain books and movies (emma by jane austen, and james bond spring to mind).

they constantly talk in riddles to each other, in code and in double meanings - they may somewhat understand the general sense of what the other is saying, but it's not categorical and leaves too much room for error or misinterpretation (which, ultimately, it does). it's a constant dance circling each other, ebbing and flowing, pulling in and drawing back, but never coming together properly; it's a quadrille vs. a waltz.

it makes sense that they are so used to finding the most roundabout and convoluted ways to do things, and this continues into s2, because not only is it how it tends to go down in fiction, but also because that's literally how they've had to exist - not only so their closeness isn't detected, or so their true natures aren't suspected by their respective head offices, but also by nature of being literal supernatural creatures living amongst humans - sleeper agents, of a kind - and constantly having to exist without detection.

none of this makes it right, of course not - but i actually don't think they see any other way of going about things. they're so good at it, so well practiced, that (as just two examples) they run verbal rings around gabriel/metatron (book) and beelzebub chattering about the great vs. ineffable plans at the airfield, and they dance around the most straightforward solution to the maggie/nina problem. as for themselves and their relationship, they dont speak plainly to each other until the bandstand or final fifteen... and even then, i feel like its aziraphale that is maybe the first to break and speak plainly? idk:

i think it's clear that crowley is the more scared, and therefore the more cautious, in this regard. for all his objections attempting to distance himself as an angel compared to crowley's being a demon, aziraphale feels to me that he is the more inclined to throw caution to the wind. i think its because crowley understands the danger in blowing their cover a little more than aziraphale does - aziraphale on multiple occasions slips in nearly admitting their closeness (1800, end of 1827 as you pointed out, and when meeting with the archangels in heaven in s1) - and is still stuck in the safety that dancing around what should be plainly said affords them. they both - as you wonderfully put it - aggressively orbit each other, and breaking the holding pattern comes a little too late.

so no, i think your drawing the parallel between the Weird-Ass dynamic in 1793, how they handle the maggie/nina storyline, and then how they behave with each other, is very apt! but its, at this time, arguably all that they've known - acting in this way - and breaking the cycle is starting to happen, but won't pay its dividends until s3✨

#this is a new angle for me to think about and therefore not well written and you have my apologies for that #good omens #ask #s2 meta #flashback meta #crowley meta #aziraphale meta #feral domestic/final fifteen meta

[quodekash]

gosh darnnit im tired 

in other words: time for my weekly ramblings about a bl where im mildly interested in the main couple but the side couple means more to me than anything and no i will not stop talking about them 

slight warning, there will be one mention of sa and one mention of murder/suicide (both of which are my personal speculation about particular situations, and there’s no detail apart from the word being mentioned). i also discuss/ramble to myself about mental health problems, and alcohol abuse. so if any of those things are triggering for you in any way, please be cautious about reading this, take necessary precautions, and if it’s particularly distressing, i urge you to call a local hotline for these kinds of emergencies. i care about all of you and your health and safety, whether i know you or not, and if you ever need to talk about anything at all, lemme know, my ask box and my dms are always open. 

anyway, on with the show! 

if you haven’t figured it out yet, this is... 

MY THOUGHTS ON EPISODE 4 OF ABAAB 

(if youre new here, it will literally be all of my thoughts on everything while im watching it bc i feel like im annoying my friends with my ramblings so instead ill annoy all of this circle of tumblr. and it will probably not be coherent. youre welcome.) 

i’m obsessed with his little ‘cher is so cute’ smile 

THATS HOW I FEEL ABOUT LITERALLY THIS EXACT POST 

dONT YOU DARE DO A PATPRAN 

that’s real insightful, cher. id never thought of that one before. the statement really gets me thinking. 

are you- are you saying what i think you’re saying? or am i more dirty minded than i thought 

his hair is extra curly today and its veyr pretty 

the curls are giving charlie spring vibes from the side 

i would like to touch his hair please 

the fact that covid exists in this universe is weirdly funny to me 

yup that sounds about right. no one rly cares about covid anymore when the entire world is ending 

YAY HE’S FINALLY OPENING UP TO HIM 

that freaking sucks tho 

and what’s worse is it’s very likely tian was r*ped 

WHY DO ALL THE HAPPY FEEL-GOOD SHOWS HAVE TO HAVE SAD DEATH BACKSTORIES BEHIND 50% OF THE FREAKING CHARACTERS 

GUN (msp)’S DAD IS DEAD AND HIS MUM SPENDS HALF THE SHOW LOW-KEY DYING (and i swear if they do something to gim in our skyy 2 im gonna fly to thailand and have some words with people) 

AYAN’S DAD LEFT, HIS UNCLE DIED 

THUA’S DAD DIED 

HALF THE CHARACTERS IN THE ECLIPSE HAVE DIAGNOSED DEPRESSION AND THE REST OF THEM ARE UNDIAGNOSED BUT ITS DEFINITELY THERE 

HERE, JACK HAS DEPRESSION (and i rly hope they go into that more in depth later in the show bc he intrigues me. if they dont go into it more then im writing a way too in depth analysis post of jack) 

AND NOW FREAKING CHER’S FRIEND/CRUSH FROM CHILDHOOD IS FREAKING DEAD AND HER BODY WAS FLOATING IN A POND WHICH DOESNT RLY LEAD TO ANY IMMEDIATE THOUGHTS OF A NATURAL DEATH WHICH MEANS IT WAS PROBABLY MURDER AND/OR SUICIDE WHICH MAKES IT EVEN FREAKING WORSE 

i knew it was too good to last. the over-confident, cocky, funny, sassy/sarcastic people are generally the most messed up, they just hide it via humour and feigned confidence (i am most certainly not one of these people at all) 

cher stop drinking, you’re gonna hurt yourself. also the alcohol might feel like it’s lifting the burden of thinking and stops you from worrying about everything thats happening, but itll come rushing back to you when you’re sober and worse because youll have a hangover, and it’s only a temporary fix, drinking only works for a couple of hours. you need a more permanent fix, cos if you keep turning to alcohol, itll turn into addiction and substance abuse and dependency, none of which are good, all of which are much harder to get out of than they are to get into. so yeah, just chill with the drinking a little bit. i get that you need to let it all out and you need to not feel for a bit, and that’s totally okay, but you need to make sure you’re not over-indulging yourself. otherwise youll be very ill in the long-term, both physically and mentally 

PFFFT THIS WAS THE PERFECT SHOT TO END IT ON 

final thoughts: 

theyve both said things that make absolutely no sense in context unless theyre confessions of feelings, and yet theyre definitely gonna continue to do the “what if he doesnt like me back” thing even tho its SO CLEAR to LITERALLY EVERYONE they have feelings for each other 

theyve gotten so close to kissing this episode and yet they havent which is sad, but also at least they have kissed at one point before getting to the point where they COULD have kissed a grand total of siXTY-SEVEN TIMES- (shut up im not talking about tinngun what are you talking about. .....but also if you wanted to see that post where i count out all of the times tinngun didn’t kiss...) 

very sad with the complete and utter lack of threezo in this episode. actually, it’s not even a lack of threezo. neither of them even appeared in the episode. neither was even mentioned. they (i.e. the characters, the creators of the show) are all acting like threezo AREN’T the most important characters in this entire show 

i love threezo 

where is threezo 

or is it zothree

either way i dont mind bc i love them 

where was i 

oh right 

this episode was pretty good, very emotional, i definitely didnt cry what are you talking about (who am i kidding, eveyrone knows i cried three times, you dont even need me to tell you) 

im excited for episode 5 

that is all, thank you and goodnight 

#quodekash rambles about abaab #im sorry my thoughts are a mess #idk why anyone reads these #i just make them to yeet my thoughts out of my brain cos otherwise they clog up #and if they clog up then i cant make funky posts where i overanalyse one line one character said one time #anyway #a boss and a babe #a boss and a babe the series #a boss and a babe series #abaab #abaab ep 4 #guncher #chergun #forcebook #bookforce #force jiratchapong #book kasidet #jack's almighty curly hair #drake sattabut's almighty eyebrows

[doomsdayradio]

hey for all my fellow syscourse unaligned/neutral/complex systems, whats your opinion on the idea of nondisordered traumagenic systems? like systems formed from trauma but dont have (p-)DID or OSDD-1 and dont experience distress. ive honestly been thinking about it for days and i cannot come up with coherent thoughts about it so i thought id ask, also if any nondisordered traumagenic systems want to chime in and explain why they describe themselves that way thatd be cool too :)

the only way i can imagine the way nondisordered traumagenic systems would work is if the system has been through treatment already and learned how to function together very well so they no longer considered themself disordered or distressed by their system, but i have seen some traumagenic systems claim theyve always been nondisordered so im just?? confused??

#syscourse part of dni does not apply to this post🙌 #words words words !! #🧋❓ #syscourse #syscourse unaligned #syscourse neutral

[fangfic]

Non Vamp - TW: mental health rant?

I always thought I just had anxiety with autism and ocd being the 'less important diagnoses' and anxiety the main one. Not sure why I did because I was never told that they were.

So recently I discovered that distressing intrusive thoughts are like the big thing about OCD and I'm so mad that I never figured that out before.

Like I always thought that my 'quirky' obsession to check locks and gas stoves multiple times before leaving or heading to bed was the one OCD thing I had.

But like intrusive thoughts, the morally reprehensible shit that has been taunting me and exhausting me forever causing like at least a good 30% of my anxieties about whether I'm a good person or not.

I never thought that was OCD. I just thought it was your average anxiety to have those thoughts that make you anxious and paralyze you with so much distress that they're ruining your ability to just live your life.

Like OCD has been so badly portrayed in media that even I who was diagnosed with it got fooled into thinking of it differently.

Lately I've been seeing genuine posts and videos about OCD pop up in my algorithms and I'm like wait what...

SO THAT'S WHY I DO THIS?

IM NOT THE ONLY ONE FOREVER HAUNTED BY THE AM I EVIL QUESTION?

It's like a frustrating yet sometimes funny puzzle of discovering that I'm not alone in what I experience.

I might need to go back to therapy just to get a better understanding.

Not my most coherent writing and not horny vampires I know, but I'm working on writing more of that ;)

#nonvamp #living with ocd #ocd #mentally ill

[npcdeath]

fyi to yall in quarantine whos grasp on reality is getting a little slippery: isolation, intense boredom, stress and lack of positive routine are absolutely contributing factors to exacerbating psychosis and psychosis-adjacent disorders, even latent ones. im not saying this to fearmonger im saying it so u can recognise it and take steps to handle it especially if it induces your first ever episode.

some warning signs can include

starting to believe unusual things that you previously did not believe (e.g. living in a simulation / you or others around you not being real / secretly being in hell or dead / otherworldly beings communicating with you somehow / government conspiracies / everyone around you is out to get you and harboring ill intent)

seeing things youre pretty sure arent there (e.g. shadow people, floating lights, stationary objects moving on their own, animals in a house that doesnt have pets)

hearing things (e.g. murmured voices, occasional clear and loud voices, faint music, scratching sounds, any without a source)

feeling a sense of dread or generalised paranoia, a sense that you are being watched or that something terrible is looming on the horizon but you dont know what

having extra trouble putting your thoughts in order and speaking coherently, cannot concentrate, space out to the point of feeling slightly catatonic

those most at risk are anyone with a family history of this vein of mental illness as well as those using certain drugs to get through the tedium of quarantine - if this is you, its best to research whether the substances youre using have documented links to triggering episodes of psychosis in users. weed is included in this, not just psychoactive drugs.

here are some steps you can take to get a handle on the situation if your grasp on reality is slipping like this and you cant access irl mental health resources.

have a routine. this is vitally important - you need structure. set an alarm for a specific time every day, even though you have nowhere to be. give yourself a bedtime. eat 2 meals a day, at least, at regular times.

leave the house. no, i dont mean Go Out, just be outside for a while every day or two. go for a walk if you can. stand outside your house for 15 minutes paying attention to the cars and the birds and the breeze and the clouds if you cant. really observe your surroundings. get sunlight.

on that note - let as much natural light into your house as possible during waking hours. your circadian rhythm needs it.

take up some form of hobby that requires physical engagement - whether thats journaling, drawing, making origami, gardening, cooking. the point of this is to ground yourself in your body and the world around you, have an affect on your surroundings, and stimulate your brain.

dont dwell on your delusions, hallucinations or distressing trains of thought if you can help it. that isnt to say "snap out of it and just dont have symptoms", but rather accept them without either judging them or overindulging in them. observe them as they happen, accept that they happen, and let it go, if you can. you may not be able to control the experiences, but you can control how you react to them, and the best case scenario is not allowing them to overwhelm your thoughts and your days. this is much easier said than done, especially if the experiences are distressing in nature, but the aim is to sever the feedback loop that causes further stress and thus further bad extrasensory experiences.

this is honestly just a basic surface scratch of advice though bc im by no means an expert, just someone w latent psychosis who used to work in the field for a while. there are tons of resources online by others who have experienced psychosis that can be a huge help if u think you might be at risk due to the stress, boredom and uncertainty of quarantine

#this is rebloggable if you feel like it but honestly its also for my muts. i know some of u are struggling

[littlx-songbxrd]

Chain of Iron:Death theory

As the awaited release date for Chain of Iron approaches and the fandom decends into pure madness, I want to put in my last two cents of overthinking before I stop having coherent thoughts

So we all know this is a second book, and second books bring the absolute pain in the shadowhunter chronicles. There is likely going to be a death from the mains considering the theme of this book, and I am here to throw my theory and reasons as to who I think it might be. Im here to sadly theorize about why I think Christopher Lightwood might not make it past the last hours

1. Tatianas revenge

Right now, Tatiana wants revenge after all our main families: the carstairs, herondales, fairchilds and both branches of the lightwoods. For the lightwood-collins theres barbaras death. For the herondales her daughter has been manipulating their son for over 6 years. Theres a theory that the fairy poison Mathew bought that caused Charlottes misscarriage could be traced back to her. And there are other theories that Elias dissaperance between chog and choi could have something to do with Belial. As of right now the only family who is yet to recieve any permanent damage or tragedy are the lightwood-herondales. Which is really ironic considering its the only family that has two bloodlines Tatiana wants to harm. Not only that, but theyre also the children of who Tatiana blames directly for her fathers death, Gabriel. It seems fishy to me there hasn't been any permanent damage in their family, and I dont think that is gonna last for long

2. The family tree

The family tree states that Grace Cartwright (Aka Grace Blackthorn) marries Christopher Lightwood and theyre the ones who continue the line that leads to Alec and Isabelle. Now Cassandra has said varius times the family tree can be misleading, and I am a firm believer this is one of the misleading ends. Why this lie was created, I'm not sure, but lets analize some things. As of right now there are 5 lightwood children. At least 3 of them can pass down the lightwood name. Of those three, if we take into account that Thomas may not have kids due to being gay, that still leaves two branches of lightwood kids that may continue on. As of present time we only have word of one line, Alec and Isabelles. And Robert isnt said to have any cousins, theres no mention in the future of another lightwood line. So the idea that both Alexander and Christopher have kids is pretty unbelivable considering theres only one lightwood line in the future. Unless Alexander goes on to have only girls and Christopher has only one boy, it seems more likely the family tree is wrong. Isabelle and Alec are confirmed as of the bane chronicles to be decendants of Gabriel lightwood (Isabelle makes a reference to looking up her great great grandfather Gabriel Lightwood and telling magnus he was hot in the last story of the book)

So its already confirmed they're a) the last decendants of the lightwood line and b) that line stems from Gabriel. If we based ourselves solely on the family tree and Christopher being the one carrying the line, that would have been believable enough not to raise any red flags. Christopher IS the son of Grabriel Lightwood, able bodied and seems to have a general attraction to women (I mean, we all know hes aro/ace but lets stick with canon). There isnt anything pointing to him not being able to marry and have kids. Where the red flags raise for me is with Alexander

Alexander wasnt in the original plans for the family tree, he was added when Cassie started writting the last hours. If you take into account his role in chog, there really was no reason to add Alexander Lightwood. He doesnt seem to do anything, hes a 3 year old kid, you can very well delete him from the narrative and nothing would change. So why did Cassandra add him?? Why did she decide to make Cecily and Gabriel have another kid ?

To me, it seems a lot like the baby carstairs situation . The family tree says Alastair carries the carstairs line, Alastair is a gay man so he cant have biological kids, theres another unplaned baby to carry the line. It seems to me Christopher carrying the lightwood line is a lie, and Alexanders role is to carry it in his place. I even found a little info from an ask wayy before chain of gold came out where it said Alexander had green eyes, but in the book she changed it to blue eyes. The exact same shade the modern day lightwoods seem to have. A trait hes more likely to pass down than his lavender eyed brother who supposedly "marries" grey eyed grace

3. Character Arc

Characters in literature need goals, things to work for or work towards through the story in order for them to develop. We call those things character arcs, and it seems we have all ignored how christophers may have indirectly ended. If you read his short story, or just overall analize his character, his main goal is simple. He wants to create something that will help the nephlim through science. His personal character arc is that he wants to prove himself and his skill to the clave using his passion to be a hero.

An arc that could have been expanded all through the series, and ended with him using his skills in the end to defeat belial in some way, proving his passions worth. Through the story we could have had a glimpse at his struggles, how he was put down, the failed attempts, fustrations etc. This all could have rounded christopher as a character, and brought more satisfaction to the end goal of his arc which is proving the value of his science. But instead, his arc in book seemingly already ended? Because he did it, he figured out a way to combine science with his duty and saved the entire enclave from the demon poison. He is now acclaimed a hero for his skills. All the other characters have things to finish going into chain of iron, Christopher doesnt. Why would she end an arc that could have taken through the entire series in just one book? Christopher is the only secondary character with a defined personality and a lack of arc to look foward too in following books. This could all point that his arc was rushed because it was being cut short

4. Lightwood blood

There has been a lot of theories going around about Thomas being the one who gets killed in this book, which is resonable considering the unerving amount of forehsadowing we've had to him getting himself caught up in something. But I raise you this, why would CC be giving us so much assurance that Thomas was going to get hurt if she was going to kill him? Not only would she be reaveling one of her most devastating murders, she would basically be spoiling a very big part of her own book. Thomas death would affect everyone, if she WERE to kill him she wouldnt be indulging us in our Thomas death theory as much as she has. Itd be too expectable, I actually believe that by giving us all the info she has she has more or less confirmed he wont die.

I believe this is all a decoy. Shes giving us foreshadowing towards something bad happening to Thomas, to cover up the very big reality shes planning to kill someone else. Theres a very big chance that for the resurection, theyre gonna need Jesses families blood. Same way Malcom needed blackthorn blood to raise Annabel. As of rightnow there arent any blackthorns (by blood) left alive, the only blood relatives Jesse still had are the lightwoods. So we already know Thomas gets captured by the murderer (referenece to the art), but it is most likely he gets rescued. People speculate he most likely got captured for the resurection Tatianas trying to do, because of his lightwood blood. But if Thomas escapes, Tatiana still needs her families blood. And I'd like to point out this is also where the fact she hasnt taken permanent revenge on the lightwood-herondales would come in. Theres a good chance that if the murders are releated to her, and she cant have Thomas, she wont stop at just Thomas.

5. Story relevance

In all sense of story, Christopher is the perfect candidate to kill. As hard as that is to say: he's a secondary character, who has a well defined personality, loved enough by the fans that there would certainly be a shock factor following his death, important enough to the story that there would be a big impact to the narrative, and interwined enough with the main characters to cause emotional distress in the story. His arc is indirectly done, this author has a history of killing lightwoods, there isnt much to discourage the possibility he might be killed besides the faulty family tree. And as I said, that tree has been stated multiple times to be misleading

Bonus prove

6. Christophers cut-out

Same way were analizing the hell out of a broken spear, why are we not talking about the skull on christophers?

(Sorry couldnt get better quality pics)

The truth is, I hate this theory as much as everyone, Im genuinly hoping chain of iron proves me wrong. But there are 5 deaths comming, and not all of them can be side characters. Cordelia Lucie and James all have main character protection. I already explained why Thomas dying is unlikely. Anna, Ariadne and Alastair have gay protection (and I think some asks about Alastair dying were pretty much answered with a discreet no)

If there are mains dying, Christophers the most likely to go

#Trust me I hate this as much as everyone does #CHRISTOPHERS MY FAVORITE LIKE DO YOU THINK I WANT HIM TO DIE- #BUT IT MAKES SENSE #AND I HATE IT #tlh #tsc #chain of iron #chain of gold #the last hours #cassandra clare #chain of thorns #choi #christopher lightwood #lightwoods #chain of iron theories #the last hours rant #the last hours theory #tatiana blackthorn #belial #gabriel lightwood #cecily lightwood #tw: death #theories

[toosicktoocare]

OKAY SO IM CURRENTLY VERY INTO MANDALORIAN. and i’ve been thinking of a point in time where maybe din & grogu are alone, off in space somewhere or grounded on a planet, and din gets sick, assuming he can take care of himself. but it turns into something much more serious, and eventually grogu manages to find the distress button and cara or someone gets it, and can’t contact din so they go to find him and help him because the poor baby has exhausted himself trying force heal? something in that vein! (i’m a big fan of all your stuff btw!! keep up the good work!)

I’m going to have this set in between seasons 1 and 2, so I’m going to go with Cara and Greef Karga. 

It’s becoming apparent to Din that he’s struggling to discern between the most basic of concepts. Take up from down as an example: When he looks up, if anything to just determine if it’s still day or if his world has blurred to night, his vision doubles vertically. The image of the sky above him, sometimes darker than any shade of black he’s ever seen and sometimes bright enough to burn his skin past his helmet, splits into two wavery scenes, and the bottom half is heavy. It presses against his neck until his head is lolling downward, and suddenly, he’s looking at a snow-covered ground and not the sky. Wasn’t he just looking up?

What’s less apparent, at least to Din, is how he exclusively underestimated this virus, or rather, how severely he overestimated his sheer ability to care for himself. 

It started as a nusicance poking at the back of his throat, nothing more yet nothing less. It was a minor, scratching pain that was only present enough to make sure he was aware of it. He considered that he was getting sick, but under the guise that he’s far too preoccupied to be ill, he brushed it off as allergies. Sure, his helmet’s filters are incredibly advanced, but, he’s still one to succumb to seasonal allergies. 

But, as quick as pushing the Crest into hyperdrive, his symptoms heightened until they were plowing over him, pushing against every muscle, bringing aching pain that dances amongst heat that could melt the snow beneath him and amongst the ice that could frighten the chill around him. 

Terrible, which is the only word his muddy mind can supply, doesn’t seem to bring justice to whatever foreign virus is running rampant through his insides. It’s vicious, all-consuming, and more than anything, he wants to sleep. He wants to yank his helmet off, toss it far away from the heat coloring his cheeks, and he wants to curl up on a cot and sleep until this virus runs it’s course, which, right now he’s thinking, might truly be eternity. 

A small, shaky coo brings forth a brief, harsh burst of clarity, and Din looks down to see the kid tapping lightly on his leg. He should bend down and pick the kid up because, per the inconsistent temperature spikes his body’s currently exhibiting, he’s suddenly well aware of how cold it is, and he shouldn’t be making the kid walk in the snow. Bending, however, requires a movement that, for him, appears as climbing down a mountain. And then, he’ll have to climb back up, with added weight. 

He drops heavily to one knee, and then he teeters. He tries to reach out to the kid, to snag him, but gravity’s conspiring with the virus, and he’s not aware that he’s fallen onto his side until the cold of the snow beneath him begins to chill his armor. 

He opens his eyes, and the kid’s poking at his helmet, dark eyes crowding his vision. Din’s not one for reading expressions, but, if he had to guess, he’d easily say the kid’s worried for him. 

Shit. 

“Sorry, kid,” he rasps out, and he doesn’t even recognize his voice. It sounds heavy, just like the rest of him. Heavy, tired, and shaky. He tries to push himself up because he has to. 

He’s not sure if the kid can understand him, but he promised food nevertheless. He intentionally landed the Crest a miles walk from a small village, and he has to make it there. For the kid. 

The second his arm’s supporting his weight, he blacks out. 

He’s not sure how long this time, but when he pries his eyes open, his helmet’s beginning to frost over, and the kid’s focused in front of his vision, both small hands raised, eyes closed, and face scrunched up. Din thinks he’s seen this before, but then the pain in his head is reminding him that unconsciousness is much better, and he’s drifitng off. 

He wakes the second time to shouts that he can’t quite make out, shouts that carry across a too-cold wind. He’s freezing, yet, the skin stretched across his face is relishing in the ice creeping underneath his helmet. The kid’s still in front of him, but he’s no longer standing, and his large, dark eyes are drooping. Something’s wrong, Din thinks. He reaches one hand out, his glove brushing against the kid’s foot, and then he’s being dragged underneath the virus once more. 

When he wakes again, it’s because he’s warm, and though his mind is struggling to wrap around sentences that are even remotely coherent, he knows that the warmth isn’t normal, considering he’d almost gotten used to the cold. 

Still, it’s not unwelcome, by any means. It’s comfortable, the only comfort against his otherwise struggling core, and he’s nodding back off when two thoughts abruptly burst across his mind: the kid and his helmet. 

He jerks forward, eyes practically bulging, and the gasp that rips down his throat is coming back through harsh coughs that crowd the inside of his helmet. One hand flies up to his face, thankful to feel the now warmed metal against his gloves, and his eyes shift, alert, until they fall on two backs. 

“The kid,” he rasps around deep, hollow coughs. 

“Beside you,” Cara says, back still turned. “Insisted on it, really. Hope he’s got an immune system of steel.” 

Din glances down to see the kid curled up at his side, sleeping, his small face faintly scrunched up still. He breathes a shaky breath in around his coughs, allowing the filtered air to settle his lungs, and then he ghosts two fingers over the kid’s face, right above the small furrow temporarily etched in his forehead. 

“We won’t turn around,” Greef Karga calls out, and Din whips his gaze back up, happy to see that he’s able to look in an almost straight line. 

“We wanted to make sure you weren’t dead under that shell first,” he adds, and Din thumbs at the bottom of his helmet. 

“We imagine you’ll be much more comfortable without it. Plus, you’ve got medicine you must take.” 

Din spares a glance to the wooden cup of green liquid at his side. 

“What is this?” 

“Some weird concotion of ingredients I promise you don’t want to know,” Greef Karga replies, and Cara sighs loudly.

“Just drink it, so you don’t die.”

Din brings the cup up to his face, squinitng down at the less than appetizing liquid. “What happened?” he asks, abandoning the cup at his side. 

“You,” Cara starts, dragging out the word, “were lying half dead in the snow. Somehow, the kid called for us, used one of your devicies, I think, and when we arrived, I think...”

“He was attempting to heal you,” Greef Karga finishes lowly, and Din whips his gaze back down. Memories flood his mind until it’s swimming, and he shakes his head with a low sigh that gives way to a few coughs. 

“I don’t...” 

“The proper terminology is ‘thank you,’“ Cara interrupts, and though she doesn’t turn around, Din can easily picture the light-hearted scowl stretched across her lips. 

“Thank you,” he says, and he means it. His life is one thing, but the kid’s... That’s a life that’s in his hands, that he willingly put in his hands, and he can’t jeopardize that. He won’t.

“We’ll be just outside the tent,” Greef Karga starts, stepping to leave. “We’ll make sure no one comes in, so you should really consider losing the helmet for a bit.” 

“And taking the medicine.” Cara adds, and Din watches as the two leave. His hands move toward the base of his helmet, and he waits until the flaps of the tent’s entrance still before he slowly slides his helmet off, setting it aside with a long sigh that’s been swelling in his lungs for days. A few coughs trail behind it, and he tugs one glove off and presses the back of his hand to his cheek. 

The contact is hot, burning even, and he drops his hand to his neck for just a moment. He can’t let himself get this bad again, he thinks to himself. This... was careless. Dangerous, and somehow, he’s been dealt the best, possible outcome to a corner he backed himself into. 

Before he can talk himself out of it, he downs the cup of medicine in one gulp, grimacing at the odd mixture of flavors, and then he’s sinking back down against the makeshift bed of furs and woven pillows. Instinctively, he feels for his blasters. Still there, so he can still be prepared, even in his current state. 

He still feels horrible. His body’s still too heavy, and everything’s aching almost loudly. He knows he’s got another few days before his fever gives, and he’s sure the cough, a new development from what he could last remember, will linger. But right now, in this warm second, he’s safe. The kid is safe. And, in a moment of unscripted vulnerabilty, he tugs the kid a little tighter to his side. 

Perhaps it’s the fever distorting things yet again, but he swears the kid’s face softens, even just a little.

#the mandalorian #din djarin #sickfic #baby yoda #grogu #the mandadlorian #grogu djarin #whump #mandaddy #whumpfic #hurt/comfort #greef karga #cara #a) i didn't actually intend on writing and finisthing this tonight #b) do people call greef karga just greef? like? is greef his first name?? #it felt super weird to only write greef #hence why i didn't do it lmao

[taehyungsgrowl]

I am SO SO sorry that this took me so long to get to you 🥺 I hope it sounds coherent and that you have the happiest new year! 

Y/N was lost in her thoughts, 

what was going through Duncan’s mind? Was everything going to come to an end today? Would she prefer to have him end it.. so she could be by Nate’s side? 

It was too much, especially with Nate’s call lingering. What did he want to talk about? It will be her first visit in weeks- well , first where she could see him.  Her stomach was in knots, she’d likely have two difficult conversations to go through. Nate wouldn’t call unless he desperately needed something and Duncan was so upset the night before. Y/N prepared a cup of hot tea to help relax, setting out a second cup in case Duncan wanted any. He should be coming by soon.  ~~ Duncan’s night wasn’t any easier. He felt like his entire world was closing in on him. He thought talking to Nate would make him feel better, but, it just brought back old feelings of jealousy and resentment. Of course Nate still loved Y/N, Duncan did too, and she chose him. Even with everything they’ve been through, she always chose him. But that didn’t stop him from worrying if he’d made a mistake by pulling away to think.  He drew a bath to try and work out some of the aches in his body after such a poor sleep. Spending the time thinking of what they would talk about.  All she wanted was for him to try, to show her that he was happy being loved by her. And sometimes he couldn’t even manage that. Duncan knew he was never happier than the moments they were together, even when they were fighting, because in the end it would work out. But last time.. She chose Nate, broken Nate, still somehow stronger that Dunc could ever be.  ~~  “It’s getting late..” Y/N spoke aloud, waking Maximus from his nap beside her.  Duncan‘s text said he’d come by, but it was almost 2:30 and he still hadn’t arrived.. She couldn’t help but think maybe she should have called. It wasn’t like him to be late to anything, and that just made her even more anxious.  Visiting hours at the hospital would end at 5. Maybe she could call them and talk to Nate on the phone before Duncan came over? Just to make sure he was still doing well, her chances of making it over there were looking slimmer.  ~~ Duncan hadn’t realized how long he’d spent in the tub, when he woke up the water had gone cold. Checking his phone he realized it was almost 3 o'clock and sent Y/N a text, apologizing for the time, but promising he was heading out then.  On his way over, Duncan decided that it didn’t matter if he couldn’t compete with Nate on paper. Hopefully there was something in Y/N that would let her choose him again. 

--

hello!! pls no need to apologize! im sorry its taken me! a while to respond to this too smh!! 

ily so so much! 

--

Y/N looked down at her phone as a sigh of relief escaped her to hear from Duncan. She knew, no matter what direction the conversation took, she wouldn’t have the time to make it to Nate - not without rushing Duncan and she knew neither of them deserved a half attempt at a conversation. 

She knew she was breaking her promise to Nate, but maybe if she called him - let him know she wouldn’t be able to make it, he could understand. 

Y/N called the number he had called her from and requested to speak to him. She waited while the hospital staff made the decision on whether or not she could speak to him at the time. She held her breath until she heard his voice on the other line. 

“Y/N?”

“Nate,” she sighed. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it in,” she winced at the silence that followed. “Today at least.” she continued when he didn’t say anything, “Could I see you first thing tomorrow morning? I can bring your favorite bagels from that caf-”

“Do you still love me?” he cut off her nervous rambles, not able to ‘sleep’ another night wondering the same question over and over. 

“You know I love you, Nate. Always will.” her heart was pumping fast waiting his next question. 

“Enough to let me go?” Nate surprised himself when the question left his lips. But he didn’t take it back. He believed Duncan when he said Y/N still loved him. He believed Y/N when she said it, but despite it all - he knew it didn’t matter. 

It would never matter as long as she was still in love with Duncan. 

Nate wanted to be okay almost as much as he wanted to be engulfed in her love. But he knew those things couldn’t co-exist when she loved someone else. 

Y/N was frozen. Her grip on the phone couldn’t get any tighter. How could he ask that of her? 

“Don’t ask that of me, please,” she spoke barely above a whisper. 

Maxie whined at her feet sensing her distress. Y/N wanted to be selfish in that moment. She wanted to let Nate know she couldn’t let him go. She loved him too much to live without him- even if she was hurting him. 

Nate felt the leash pulling on his heart. Y/N’s hold on him was so tight it felt like he couldn’t breath. He shut his eyes and pulled in a long breath from his nose, exhaling out through his mouth in an attempt to calm down, but he could hear his pulse in ears as the room buzzed around him. 

#hello we are back babies #virgo 💜 anon #duncan shepherd #duncan x dumb!reader x nate #duncan shepherd x reader #angst #submission

[dazes-on-dazes]

12.8.2020 - Of Mirrors and Facelessness

I've never liked my face. I don't like looking at it, despite having some strange compulsion to look in every single reflective surface around me, and being sort of afraid of mirrors.

Logically, I understand that the face I see in the mirror is mine, thats how mirrors work, but there’s always this creeping feeling that that isn’t me. I can ignore it sometimes, I’ll just think of something else, distract myself, but most of the time, it’s a looming, ever-present feeling that the person in the mirror isn’t me. 

I don’t recognize my reflection, if that makes sense, I have trouble connecting the image of myself to my self identity. Something isn’t firing and somehow I just cannot connect the two, and I think that’s what bothers me the most. 

Whenever I try to think of myself, I can get pretty much everything down except for my face. Everything about my face just looks wrong for some reason, My eyes are simultaneously too far apart and too close together, they’re too deep set, my mouth is too small, etc. It runs a little deeper than insecurities, and I’ve taken to drawing my face obscured or simply absent in art projects.

I dislike looking at my face so much that I’ve picked up make-up to make me feel better, and when I have the energy to do it, it does. The only problems with this are my lack of motivation and my family. I have a tendency to do my makeup really big and dramatic, extra wings, more lines, brighter colours the whole nine yards. I love doing it like that, unfortunately, my parents do not. I get told to “consider other people” when doing my makeup if im going out, which I have never managed to understand. It's my face? They don’t have to look at it?

Makeup can only do so much, I feel better when I do see myself, but it doesn’t help when I’m not in front of a reflective surface. When the feeling bubbles up because my thoughts are spiraling or because I notice something that triggers it, theres not much I can do.

It feels like I’m carrying myself around on my shoulders, like I’m only piloting my body. The feeling is distressing, it warps your perception of the world around you and you become hyper-aware of everything happening. I can ground myself sometimes if I notice the feeling is getting too out of control by grinding my heel down onto my foot, but there isn’t exactly much I can do about it if it doesn’t work and I’m at a place where I can’t be disruptive like school.

Over the years, the feeling has screwed with my sense of self, namely that I barely have one. I tend to draw myself as not entirely human, most often as a mermaid-type creature because it ties in with my feeling of being carried around and because mermaids are distinctly not human. I draw blanks when asked about myself and my personality, and I have a tendency to fade into the background. 

I try to ignore it most of the time. I’ll just go do something else and it should go away, but not always. The days when it’s persistent are the worst, it’s distracting and exhausting, once you realize whats going on you can’t stop thinking about it and it gets worse and worse. Nothing looks right, you don’t feel real and it’s scary.

This isn’t organized in the slightest, I can only hope I was coherent and got my point across. I’m very tired, or I’m hungry, I’m not sure.

- Morrigan

#Adhd #actually adhd #depersonalization #? #journal #diary #journal blog #mental health #therapy #self reflection #introspection #mirrors #december 8th 2020 #faceless #theraputic

[dmintraining]

im about to just gush about my halfling family with no coherency so youve been warned

ok so my whole dnd experience began with one lightfoot halfling level one bard called eoifira maplefoot. i knew i wanted her to be Not A Good Person, but also didn't feel comfortable playing a bitch when i didn't know anything about the other players in the party, so i did what any normal person would do: i encorperated pretending to be nice to get what she wants into her back story.

eoifira's backstory time! (where we get introduced to the character i will play this summer, llwella, and a character i am desperate to play at some stage, erling) middle child of turpin and grace maplefoot (grace's maiden name was proudfoot), eoifira was taught to entertain by her grandmother on her mother's side. her mother's family ran the only inn and bar on a small island, but when her father married her mother, his parents moved in too. so, under one house, we have the proudfoot grandparents : otto and mary, and the maplefoot grandparents : hildegard and basso. turpin and grace had three children together, their eldest daughter, llwella, is two years older than eoifira, and their youngest is their son, erling.

like i said, mary taught eoifira how to entertain, through story telling, playing the lute, and playing the spoons. the two performed regularly in the bar. llwella was never a people person, but people liked her well enough and she was a wizard behind the bar from a young age. erling played a bigger role in the running of the inn than the bar, as he was far more gentle than his eldest sister and much less self-centered than eoifira.

running the only inn and bar meant that these three kids met a wide variety of folks, and for eoifira, that turned out to be a huge problem. a 16 year old eoifira met a 29 year old halfling wanderer with a chip on her shoulder, and became fast friends with her. by the time she was 18, eoifira had been indoctrinated into this other halfling's way of life : she would regularly travel to the mainland to aid in the slaughter the nobles who were partially responsible for the poverty of her island. the duo did not limit their targets based on age, if they were of noble descent, they were fair game. initially, eoifira was merely the distraction, flirting with guards and playing the damsel in distress while her girlfriend actually did the killing, but over time eoifira's hands became just as bloody.

no one could prove it was them, but popular opinion was that the girlfriend was the perpetrator, and when a 19 year old eoifira announced to her mother that she wanted to propose, grace maplefoot panicked and locked her daughter in her room. eventually, eoifira's would-be-fiancé stopped showing up at the island, and grace felt safe enough letting eoifira go about her chores on the island. one day, eoifira asks her mother for help out in the fields, where she'd offered to harvest the crops for an elderly neighbour. naturally, her mother agreed, thinking she'd be able to reconnect with her daughter, and explain why she did what she did, and to apologise.

she never got the chance. eoifira slit her throat in the field, disguised herself as a cabin boy using the uniform of a boy she'd murdered that morning, and escaped on a ship to the mainland before anyone even really noticed grace wasn't working the desk of the inn as usual.

on the mainland, eoifira searched for her lover. she found a grave. her lover had been trialed, convicted, and executed for the murders. she had never mentioned an accomplice.

unable to return to her homeland, and with the person she'd carefully curated her personality for dead, eoifira was at a loss.

unTIL she runs into a travelling group in the woods of rouges and college of whispers bards who live as they please, taking what they want. eoifira made a slight adaptation to her personality, so that instead of killing for a Cause, she would kill with Purpose: to get food/gold/possessions the group needed or wanted. unfortunately, eoifira fell in love with one of the bards, and thought it would be safe to come clean to him about her past in its entirety.

he was repulsed. she made a dramatic change to her personality, now advocating for sparing peoples lives; she was now a pacifist. eventually, the man she was in love with came around to her, and they got engaged, and lobbied for the party to become more merciful. the party got sick of their bullshit, and sprung an attack on the couple, killing her fiancé stone dead right in front of her. standing at a whopping three feet with an armor class of 13 and very little training as a bard, eoifira knew she didn't stand a chance, so she fell to her knees and started begging, claiming her lover her threatened to kill her if she hadn't done what she did. they believed her, the idiots.

that night, she went around to their individual tents and slit their throats as they slept.

once again alone in the world, and now in her 40's, eoifira began her life on the run, never really staying in one town for too long, preforming in taverns in return for lodgings and food. there's more on her, but im going to take us back to the island, the day of the murder.

llwella actually discovers the body. she and her sister were close (or so she thought), so initially llwella thought that whatever had slaughtered her mother had gotten to eoifira too, and went into mourning with the rest of the family. then, the murder of the cabin boy came to light. with very little digging, llwella followed the blood trail eoifira had left behind before and during her time with the party, and by the end of her investigation, became certain her sister had murdered her mother. she never felt as peaceful as the rest of her family- she had a horrible temper and a tendency to drag out grudges for longer than was healthy, but this discovery ignighted a rage in her that did not subside when she lashed out like she normally would. she knew she needed to be more proactive about this anger, and eventually joined a monkhood : the way of mercy. they were helping her work on her anger by channeling her energy into her job, which initially was to kill the patients who were beyond saving (think nurse ratched type), but as she progressed, she became responsible for reinforcing quarantines by any means necessary. eventually, she hit a block. she'd managed to work through most of the sources of her anger and use the energy productively, but try as they might, her fury towards her sister was too strong- it came to a point where it was affecting her work with the monks. they told her she needed to find and forgive eoifira if she ever wanted to progress.

llwella left to find her sister alright, but with no intention of forgiving her. she was going to end her sister if it was the last thing she did.

she spent years trying to find her, staying in inns she knew eoifira had preformed in and following her faint yet distinct trail left from her performances and charisma.

unbeknownst to llwella, she actually caught up to eoifira.

one evening, eoifira was sitting in a dark corner of an inn she'd just finished preforming in, having a nightcap before turning in for the night, when her sister appears. she sees llwella check in for the night at the desk, before immediately heading up to bed. eoifira moves to the desk, and starts flirting non-stop with the receptionist, flustering them so much that she manages to see the bookings list without getting noticed. she knows what room her sister is in.

in the wee hours of the morning, eoifira sneaks into her sister's room and slits her throat, running away before making sure she'd bled out.

luckily for llwella, there was a cleric in the vicinity, who'd been up late with night terrors, and heard her helpless gargling as he made his way back to bed. he was young, and only half-trained, and while llwella survived, her wound tends to seep blood and pus when she exherts herself to expend a ki point, and her voice is low, gravely, and prone to breaking. she has not yet come that close to her sister again.

back to their hometown : after their mother passed and the family went into grieving, erling, while mourning just as much as the others, subtly kept both of the family businesses running. there was a brief period of time where his father and his grandparents began to take up the reins again, but the workload fell on him once again once it was discovered eoifira was not in fact, dead, but on the run after having killed many people, mary included. when llwella joined the way of mercy, erling became enamoured with the idea of healing people. he loved his sisters, despite now having severe mixed feelings about eoifira, but he wanted to heal, he wanted to help people plain and simple. he didn't want to kill for fun like eoifira, but he didn't want to kill for mercy like llwella, he wanted to heal. but he was stuck behind a till and a bar for several years, until the proudfoots, now well into the ends of their lives, decided to sell the bar. his father took full responsibility for the inn, and with all four grandparents helping out here and there, erling felt comfortable enough to go out and chase his dream. unable to afford medical school, he reluctantly reached out to the monks his eldest sister had joined. he was upfront about his hang-ups about their practices, but opened up about his quiet and private worship of one of the deities they worship, mishakal. they directed him to a local collection of life clerics who worshipped the same goddess, and he became very happy there with them, at ease.

im yet to decide what whips him out of his peaceful life with these clerics and into a life of adventuring, but im pretty sure it will have something to do with either llwella or eoifira dragging him out either directly or indirectly (i have a feeling llwella might go missing, and it might be up to her brother to find her (because while eoifira doesn't hate her sister, she has pretty much washed her hands of her family))

#chats #dnd #dnd character #dnd original character #maplefoots #eoifira #llwella #erling #halfling supremacy

[waterloggedsoliloquy]

how can i tell if what im saying to help someone is enabling the delusion or not?

Disregarding the fact that this is something you can easily google, maybe me giving a firsthand account and using my own delusions as an example might help Enabling the delusion is basically anything that reinforces or reaffirms the delusion as factual or true, resulting in it perpetuating. If you know me you know I have a recurring mind control delusion. Someone enabling my delusion might say, well-meaning, "if you turn off all your wifi then the mind control can't affect you." The logic behind this is sorta sound-- if I'm feeling paranoid that someone is going to try to use mind control on me, engaging with social media is probably not going to help anything, and feeling like i have power over something might provide short-term relief. However, what it does is enforce the delusion as true: someone i trust is telling me that the thing i'm experiencing is real, and gives me a behavior that i can perform which could reinforce that delusion even further (which can interact in nasty ways with other disorders, causing compulsive behavior loops if you have autism or ocd or the like). Plus it's really not a good idea to encourage someone having a paranoia attack to cut off all contact with the world during a pandemic where in-person care and compassion might be limited or nonexistent. 

More under the cut-- this got long.

With my mind control delusion, I typically prefer a reality check. So what is a reality check? A reality check is helping your friend by letting them question their delusion and how the delusion is affecting them so it can subside quicker. This is typically managed through asking them questions so they feel in control and have time to think about their answers, rather than making definite statements. "snap out of it, mind control isn't real" won't make me feel any safer, it will make me feel like i'm not being believed or taken seriously. But saying "does an impact font meme of a spiral telling you to click a link have power over you? do you actually feel like carrying out that order?" CAN help, because it makes me think of how the delusion is affecting me, the logic behind it, and can open the gateway towards articulating a secondary fear that needs to be addressed in order for me to feel safer- fear of being punished if i disobey, fear of hurting someone while under someone else's control, etc. But say what if the delusion is too strong, or I don't want a reality check right now? (Delusions that are about scenarios that can reasonably happen might be hard to break because their impossibility can never be challenged. For example claiming mind control isn't real to me usually just makes me point out the MKULTRA experiments- yes they have nothing to do with getting triggered with a scary mind control scene in a television show or a catgirl hypnosis video, but my brain cruelly uses the historical precedent of attempted mind control experiments to say "this COULD be real".) That's when we get "going along with it". Going along with it is just allowing your friend to express themselves about the delusion to you, practicing active listening, and seeing if there's anything you can do for your friend in the meantime as they go through this. It can be easy to enable a delusion here by adding more information to it, including things like offering to protect your friend. "If the government tries to mind control you, I can protect you from it" is an example of enabling. It's better to just take seriously those feelings of distress, try to keep your friend in a positive, safe environment where they can feel in control, and express empathy and compassion. "That sounds scary and overwhelming. Is there something you're trying to focus on in the meantime?" can work! Sometimes if prompted, I can get started on a chore, like feeding my cat. The routine action, plus my duty towards my pet, and the comfort an animal brings helps me feel better in the moment. Encouraging your friend to express themself through a safe art form also can be a good outlet. Show your desire to see what they end up making and let them know you accept them. Your friend might be aggressive or regressive when having delusions, lashing out or isolating. This can make it harder to reach out to your friend. I can get impatient and frustrated when my deluions make me less coherent and I have a hard time explaining myself, and those feelings of fear and guilt, plus an inability to control what I'm saying or make sense of my thoughts,  can make me snappish and lash out verbally. It makes me feel like shit. I feel guilty and embarrassed. I'm lucky to have understanding friends who know how to help before it gets to that point, and who don't take it personally if it does. They also let me take responsibility for that and discuss those times with me when I'm not in distress so I can apologize and we can talk about the delusional episode in a constructive way. Understand that sometimes your friend will need space, though you might want to talk to them while they're not in distress about how often you should check in on them. Try to make sure they're safe inside and remain available to talk. Never, ever call the police on your friend if they're having a delusional episode. Discuss with your friend when they're not in distress about what to do if you think they are at risk of hurting themself during an episode. I hope this helps!

[lvlysnakes]

[ Assistance ] pro hero!Bakugou x Reader

Warnings!: none unless you consider this workplace harassment-

The rays of sunlight broke through in shapes determined by the curtains surrounding your office window, as you sat at the very top floor in the one and only Ground Zero’s agency.

It had become a routine already, being two weeks since your first interview. Being an assistant to someone as important as Bakugou meant a lot, and even if some of your work went completely unnoticed the paycheck certainly made up for that void.

However, as the days progressed, you began to notice Bakugou acting different. It didn't come to your attention until your new coworkers started gossiping amongst themselves about him. You only happened to hear during your trip to the trash can in order to dump a small cup of coffee in that Bakugou had been interacting with the office more. 

According to them, not only had he been leaving his office more, he had been doing some sort of monitoring throughout the hallways to make sure every cubicle was working without fault.

With some thinking it wasn't hard to accept the fact that this was new behavior, despite it only being so early in your acceptance in the office space, you could've never imagined the one and only Ground Zero caring about his employees.

Hell, many of his ex workers and coworkers complained that he was cold, and the type to simply shrug if someone asked to resign. You gave into those ideas, and while shameful, you began to observe those actions of his around the building you and others worked in.

At first, he would simply walk around with a scowl on his face, occasionally leaning into a cubicle slightly to check on them. Then it progressed into more common checks, and getting food during break times with you and others in the office, of course he wouldn't eat it in the same room, but it was equally unusual all the same.

You flushed as you realized you had been lost in thought, your manicured fingers resting atop your keyboard for far too long. 

Thank god nobody called, or else I'm positive I wouldn't have been able to pay attention them through the phone-

Immediately, your eyes widened at seeing a tuft of spiky blonde hair peak out from a cubicle, no work was typed on your laptop, and all you had been doing was daydreaming whilst staring out the window!

Suddenly the phone rung, and just as quickly as you spaced out, you snapped out of the trance and answered the call.

“Hello. Ground Zero Hero Agency, how can I help you?” You attempted at a cheery voice, but it was obvious you felt out of it from the event a few minutes ago.

The conversation proceeded normally, everyone calling either wanted an interview with the one and only or attempted to get a job position despite there being no offers. At times there were few prank calls, but those were fun to fool around with. 

You sighed and glanced towards the window again, the bright beams flexing around you as the curtains swayed with small breezes. Inhaling the smell of your small plants crowding the shelf against your laptop, you relaxed into your seat and tried to resume your thoughts from a second ag-

“Slacking off are we?”

Shit. You heard a gruff voice that could only belong to one person in the whole office. Shouldn't he be busy? Isn’t he a hero? Doesn't he have some maiden to be saving, any damsels in distress?

“N-No! I was doing my job, sir, nothing more nothing less.” You quickly snapped your head up to look at your handsome boss- no need to beat around the bush, he did have such a nice jawline.. and those red eyes-

“So why’d you sound depressed on the phone? Wasn't being cheery part of the job description, dumbass?” He smirked at you as he leaned closer to your face, which was slowly rivaling a rose petal in color.

There was no response you could form.

Was he watching me? You thought, but shook it out of your head quickly. No he doesn't care about us individually.. he must've been warned somehow by someone to be more charitable.. that's why he's been so adamant on social works in the office.

Just as you were about to stutter out a half assed excuse for your call he had witnessed the minute before, he leaned in close to your ear and gave a huff before speaking,

“Don’t let me catch you again.”

You froze and blushed even deeper, if possible, at the small tantalizing statement. As he pulled away you saw him staring at you, slowly but obviously eyeing you up and down.

“Got it?”

He smirked once again before putting on a poker face, not hearing your response, if it was considered one for you were stuttering so much you were sure not a coherent word was uttered.

Did he do this to everyone? You thought, he couldn't, right? It was illegal to act such a way in the workplace.. especially one such as big as Ground Zero’s agency!

You turned back to your laptop, confused as to how you were supposed to continue your day normally after that incident.

Maybe later I can ask if anyone has experienced the same flirtatious behavior from Katsuki. 

---<3---

hfjdngnskg planning on making a part two for dis bc im vv tired rn but hoped u like it i gues :’^) schools been so hard lawd,, but anywayz lemme not proofread this because i might get too insecure and scrap it--

#bakugou #bakugou x #bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki #katsuki x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #mha #mha x reader #katsukibakugou #mha katsuki #katuski bakugou x reader #ground zero #ground zero x reader #bakugou au

[swatato]

fat. FAT. P H A T RANT INCOMING FOR ANYONE WHO CARES TO READ THIS NONSENSE CUZ @haldidoodh ASKED

That episode literally blasted the last of my serotonin into smithereens but TBH??? WHO AM I MAD AT I should have seen this coming this whole volume has been such a headache. I cant be bothered to type up a coherent rwde essay on everything that bothered me this episode so im just gonna copy and paste my earlier yelling here instead ;A;

Team Rwby was god awful in episodes 11-12. They’re so self-righteous, entitled, hypocritical and cocky as a team and it doesnt help that they all suck as individual characters nowadays (except for weiss but even she lost best-girl points this episode also lmao blake and yang aren’t even INDIVIDUALS anymore they’re just bumbleby). It was annoying at first but now its just infuriating how rwby thinks theyre always right with their uwu energy and think they can do whatever tf they want with ZERO CONSEQUENCES.

Basically any time there is a problem in this show they have Ruby uwu at it and its solved lol.

They kept giving ironwood shit for taking on this incredible burden SO THAT NOBODY ELSE WOULD HAVE TO and rather than offer any real solution they just kept going “but mantle” like okay?? But remnant??? Like obvi letting mantle rot is bad but HE WAS OPEN TO ANY HELPFUL SUGGESTIONS CUZ HES OBVI AT HIS WITTS END AND DOESNT LIKE THE IDEA EITHER but yeah they just proceed to be the fattest hypocrites by hiding secrets of their own after being all “no more secrets uwu” and WHEN THEY GOT EXPOSED THEY JUST WENT “>:[“ (yangs self-righteous little glare here pissed me off so much oof) especially when ironwood was laying everything out in the open to them from the start. AND ESPECIALLY WHEN THE SECRET WAS FKIN “OH YEAH SALEM CANT DIE LOL” They watched ironwood make every decision he did in hopes of beating Salem while KNOWING she couldnt die??? So literallY WHERE do they get off on screeching at him with their yOu doNt hAvE to Suffer In ManTle YOu doNt kNow whAt iTs liKe bs. Wtf made ruby distrust iw at the start anyway? Because he had a bunch of ships out? They kept this CRUCIAL piece of information from him because he seemed stressed out?? Like what made ruby keep the secret from him. Someone tell me.

And the fact that rwby beat the ace-ops makes no goddamned sense. The power-scaling in this show is non-existant. We finally got to meet some pro huntsmen in this universe who aren’t teachers but are actually on the job, but because we gotta move out of the way for that 👌🏽✨ Power Of Friendship✨ and ✨rwby is always right✨ they somehow managed to beat experienced huntsmen with YEARS in the field who’ve actually graduated school??? FARM BOI OSCAR WHOS *JUST* LEARNING HOW TO FIGHT MANAGED TO LAND A PUNCH ON NEO FKIN POLITAN??? Didnt neo dance circles around yang??? Yang, who punches for a living and also beat mercury and adam??? I cant yall (and the fact that he didnt even bother to sneak up on her this boi literally screamed “no!!” as he ran down a hallway and neo didnt even have time to blink??? Pls)

Ruby’s “you were the best, until you trained us :3” -for maybe 2 days before my team went dancing ruby sis shut right tf up pls my god is this line just so. UNEARNED. Training in a room for a short while does not simply grant you the years of field experience the ace ops have and whAT IS UP WITH HER TRYING TO REASON WITH HARIETT AFTER SAYING THAT COCKY LINE AND FIGHTING HER??? WHAT and also like. The entire idea of “the ops lost cuz they weren’t good friends and were bad at teamwork uwu” is just so dumb. Ur telling me this group of high ranking hunstmen who’ve most likely been working together for at least a few years didnt have teamwork down??? Learning to work together is the most BASIC concept for a team to learn!! Its like the first thing a team has to perfect!! If the ace ops are supposed to be the best of atlas you dont think the ops would have gotten something as fundemental as teamwork down?? I dont buy it. And who gives a shit if they dont hang out after work or take selfies with eachother. Being friends doesnt necessarily mean theyre great at working together. If they succeed at relying on eachother to watch their backs, to keep each other alive (in the words of hariett herself) then Id think theyd know how to protect eachother i.e WORK TOGETHER.

And for all the ✨friendship✨ and ✨going through so much with someone✨ talk rwby like to do, the show barely displays these people acting like friends. We’re constantly TOLD how great of friends this group is, but the actual CONTENT we are shown leaves a lot to be desired. Tell me the last time ruby and blake teamed up in a fight. Or weiss and blake. Or yang and weiss. What teamwork?? Yang only interacts with blake now and weiss is only ever allowed to interact with ruby. Has blake ever said nora or ren’s name out loud? Have jaune and yang ever held a conversation between just them? Team rwby just spent a GOOD DEAL of time seperated from eachother, but when they reunite their teamwork is still somehow better than the ace ops?? Honestly its easier to believe that ruby is closer with team jnpr than she is her own team. If they showed the ops messing up during rwby vs ace ops fight due to lack of communication, then it still doesnt matter. My point is that they shouldnt have lacked teamwork in the first place.

Robyn was m e h this episode “JaMes ConTinUes to UnDeresTimAte Me” *proceeds to get knocked over in .3 seconds and is then KO for the rest of the episode* also great job for starting a fight and aiming to take clovers life in a moving airship with a terrorist on board when clover was acting PEACEFULLY and qrow was WILLING TO TALK IT OUT WITH IW and potentially work on a solution, but naw robyn is big mad and shall shoot.

Qrow made zero sense this episode too. I was with him right up until he chose TYRIAN OVER CLOVER??? THE PSYCOPATH WHO CANNOT BE REASONED WITH OVER THE RATIONAL DUDE YOU KNOW IS GOOD except clover wasnt acting rational in this fight at all and ill get to that AND IS THE ONLY FRIEND YOU HAVE WHOS NOT 19????? Qrow rly looked at tyrian- a man who is literally an enemy to all of remnant and went after ur neice- and said lets get rid of this punk together u and me bro. Like screw teaming with clover to bring down the dude you ACTUALLY have a grudge with whos also a serial killer and then trying to talk it out with clover whod be willing to do things peacefully why is this show like this

and AS FOR CLOVER. where were the braincells this episode. Qrow was trying to fight tyrian-the WAY bigger threat here, but clover??? kept knocking him away from tyrian and restraining him with his hook like??? YEAH LETS HELP OUT THE DEMON SCORPION CRACKHEAD HES CLEARLY NOT THE PRIORITY ATM nvm clover deserved to die there m8

His death scene was emotional and I feel bad for Qrow but u literally sealed his death when u ganged on him with tyrian so why are you even surprised. And on the subject of fairgame, im glad it didnt happen. Qrow was in no state for romance and I was glad he finally had a friend. He just spent the last volume thinking he wasted his life away helping oz, drowning in misery, drinking til he passed out on the street and so drunk he couldnt even be of any help during the apathy situation, when up til now hes been shown to fight just fine while drunk. I don’t see this as a “bury your gays trope” because clover was never confirmed to be gay and all their scenes added up to 40 seconds of platonic friendship. These two are grown ass men, if they had the hots for eachother then im pretty sure they could openly show it and not dance around it like theyre kids. I do feel bad for mlm viewers who were hoping for some rep with fairgame/lucky charms (cuz rt only cares if ur a cute marketable lesbian) but idc for the overly entitled fans who try to force their own headcanons on the writers and go feral when they dont get what they want. You dont just get to prance around claiming whats canon and what isnt. If rep is there then great, but if it isnt, then why not look somehwere else and let the author tell the story theyre trying to tell? Shipping fairgame cuz you think its cute is absolutely fine but not when u start getting ready to casterate crwby for not catering to you. Also, rwby sucks with lgbt+ rep anyway so what were yall expecting.

The only thing that was great this episode was the chorerography. It just sucks that the animation/choreo continues to improve while the writing doesnt. Another thing that really fell off this episode was the whole “we’re friends but we have to fight” drama. It doesnt work when its only ONE SIDE SHOWING ANY DISTRESS OVER IT. Only the ace ops (marrow, clover, the vine dude) seemed to show distress over having to fight rwby (it sucks that the only 1v1 weiss has won was because marrow was going EASY on her cuz he didnt wanna fight her fr) but rwby???? They didnt give any shits. They were so quick to turn against them and aim for their heads. They were SMILING as they ran at the ace ops, while they looked conflicted. If you oppose their UwU philosophy, you’re dead to them.

I really wanna enjoy RWBY but sometimes this show (and the fndm) really tests me. Its ironic how this episode came right after last episode, which I thought was the best chapter this volume. Anyway I rate this 10/10 cuz it gave me best character ironwood and best boi marrow and I would like to give them hugs for carrying this volume on their backs. (Also tyrian and penny and winter have been great too)

#oof just oof #and idegaf about cinder yall #lowkey hoping she gets all the maiden powers so she can finally beat rwby up and HUMBLE them a little #rwby #rwby vol 7 #rwde