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am-i-the-asshole-official · 6 months

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WIBTA if I told my girlfriend to lose weight?

Okay, so that sounds horrific, but bear with me.

To be clear, I (23M) could not care less what weight she (27F) is or what she looks like. I love this woman with my whole heart and none of it is about her appearance. We’re pretty much engaged in all but name, the only reason it’s not official is because we don’t have money to even think of weddings right now, and I plan to spend the rest of my life with her.

Thing is, she’s obese. Like, medically, not in a derogatory sense. This is massively affecting her health. She’s constantly out of breath, constantly in pain, constantly struggling, and it’s leading to other conditions such as sleep apnea. She thinks she has asthma because she’s always struggling to breathe, but I’m 95% sure it just comes down to weight and her doctor has said the same, but she tends to write it off as doctors being fatphobic.

Much of this is due to the fact that she used to struggle with binge-eating disorder. She no longer binge eats, but she does overeat in general because her body is so accustomed to constant food, so she gets painfully hungry and dizzy after 2-3 hours of not eating.

I’ve tried to encourage her to exercise with me, diet with me, count calories etc., but she gives up super easy when she doesn’t see immediately results. She also says herself that she finds it very difficult to see herself accurately - she has the reverse of “typical” body dysmorphia, where she sees herself as thinner than she is, so she genuinely sees herself as thin or like slightly curvy. (To be clear, she is very visibly obese, people comment on this often, and while I’ll be the first to go fists up if someone’s a dick to her about it as people have been I also am genuinely worried about her health.) Because of that she has no motivation to lose the weight because she just doesn’t see it. It’s bad enough that she’s been told by doctors she WILL likely struggle later in life with heart failure, diabetes etc if she doesn’t lose weight, yet her POV is more, “It can’t be that bad because I’m not that big so I don’t need to worry about it”. She has occasional reality checks, most recently she put her measurements into some site that shows an image of what you look like from a third person perspective, and she was completely shocked like “I can’t look like that. Do I? This is a wake up call”, but days later it’s completely lost and she’s back to saying she’s not that big again.

She wants kids with me, and I just absolutely do not want to commit to having children with her when I know there’s a not-insignificant chance she’ll have serious health issues in the future that could mean she’s not with us for as long as she could be. Both for the kids’ sake, and selfishly because I want her around! I don’t want to think about something happening to her earlier in life and being without her.

But I just don’t know what to do. Gently suggesting it hasn’t worked, saying I’m worried about her health hasn’t worked, saying I don’t want kids until she’s healthy hasn’t worked (even if she’s still overweight I really don’t care as long as she’s not in a “danger zone” y’know?), trying to meal plan with her hasn’t worked, trying to get her to keep track of calories hasn’t worked, trying to exercise with her hasn’t worked.

People I’ve asked in the past have told me to be firm about it, but I’m incredibly reluctant to do that - I struggled with anorexia for most of my teenage and adult life and I know how deep it can cut to have your weight criticised or commented on. I don’t want to be that dick who basically calls someone I love very much unhealthy and fat and tells her to lose weight or no kids or some horrible shit like that.

But I just. Can’t work out what to do. She does express a willingness to lose weight, she says she wants to, she just doesn’t have that motivation to do it. I don’t know what else we can try.

AITA for focusing on this in the first place? Like am I actually just being fatphobic, or is my own past with EDs influencing my thinking? Am I going about it all wrong? Should I just accept it as something that’ll be a potential issue in future and deal with it then or am I fair to worry about it early on?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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ghost-proofbaby · 11 months

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if it were anyone else (e.m.)

warnings: strong allusions to depression, disordered eating/rough relationship with food, mentions of smoking, description of a sort of panic attack. very sad. hurt/comfort? not edited.

wc: 1.6k+

a/n: this is literally entirely self indulgent and written entirely after i sat and cried and thought "i wish i had eddie here right now to hold me". maybe in like thirty minutes tops. this is for me and only me. go figure lol. sorry. yeah. anyways.

if you relate, my askbox is always open, and i'm very sorry you've felt this way as well. i hope you all take care of yourselves. drink some water, call a friend. be kind to yourself.

“I’m worried about you.”

Four words that always manage to strike a certain type of fear in your gut. You don’t know how to react as he says it, how he wants you to react. You can only stare blankly, you can only wish harder for the earth to swallow you whole.

“What do you mean?” you laugh nervously, following it with a hard swallow.

You’re playing dumb. You know it, he knows it. The tremor in your bones and your numb appendages know it, too.

“You’re…” Eddie stalls, licking his lips, letting his eyes rake over you, “You’re getting bad again.”

You’re quick to shake your head, forcing another hollow chuckle from your chest, “It’s not that bad. I’m fin-”

“You’re not fine.”

The look in his eyes could crack your spine if you stare too long. Wet eyes, a trembling bottom lip, worry lines etched into his forehead that you realize might be caused by you.

You’re causing him worry. The last thing you want to do, you’ve accomplished. You’re on a fast-track to becoming a burden – the first step is always acceptance.

You’re still unsure of how he wants – no, needs you to react right now. This conversation is a landmine for both of you, and you hold every breath with every step as you try to navigate it. If you make one wrong step, it could cause an explosion that spares no survivors.

You don’t mind if it tears you apart limb by limb. You do mind if it hurts him.

“How… How do you know that?”

It’s not a sarcastic snipping or defensive deterrence. It’s an unfiltered response of genuineness – you want to know the signs, you want to know what has exposed the rot this time.

And then, maybe next time, you’ll be able to better shield it from him with this knowledge.

“How could I not?” he takes a deep breath in through his nose, and you focus on the flare of his nostrils rather than any of the tears beginning to gather at his waterlines, “It’s been happening for a while now, though, hasn’t it?”

Your throat is a cage, tight and restrictive and ringing with a bitter metallic taste in its tenseness. You can’t respond with words. You can only nod.

He chooses to answer your question more properly now that you’ve admitted it, “You’re cold all the time again. You’re always sleeping too much or too little. You’re smoking again, running yourself into the ground. Picking up distractions like they’re going out of style.”

“Hey, they might be. We never know-” you cut yourself off when your eyes meet his. Now’s not the time for jokes, “Sorry. I… I know. I’m sorry.”

He’s right. Fuck, he’s right.

“I want to ask you something, and I need you to answer me honestly,” his own steps across these landmines are just as delicate, just as feathery light, as your own. You hear it in his tone, see it in his body language. You wish your body could sink into the mattress you’re sitting on the edge of as he crouches in front of you, warm palms connecting with your knees. Grounding you. Tethering you. Holding you back from that sinking you crave. “Are you… Sweetheart, are you okay?”

If anybody else had built up to such a stupid question, you would have laughed in their face. You would have shoved those warm palms right off of your skin and you would have thrown up those ice cold hands of your own, shouted obviously not.

Obviously not. I’m not okay. I’m so far from okay, it’s a bit comical. I am drowning. I am treading in freezing cold waters and I am barely capable of keeping my head above the waves. My engine is fucked, my tank is empty. I don’t think I’d even know how to be ‘okay’ again if you did manage to pull this mangled body of mine from these depths and sat me down on safe, solid ground again.

You can’t say any of this, though. Not because you don’t trust him, not because he would judge you. But because the moment he asks the question that should make you scoff, you let out a sob instead. Something like a muffled, broken wail that tears from deep within you. It had already been ready and poised, laying in wait for a perfect moment like this one to escape.

His eyes aren’t the only glossy ones anymore.

“I-” you start, breathing already stuttering and chest already constricting, “I- I-”

“Hey,” he palms smooth up your thighs, carrying their warmth with them, as if he were trying to spread it across you. As if he had heard your thoughts. As if he already knew all about those dark, treacherous, freezing waters you were stranded in. All you can do is spew out another cry, strangled as you tried to swallow it down before it entered the atmosphere between you two, “Hey.”

You only notice the tears when you crumple forward and he meets you halfway. Those warm palms, those hands so capable of safety and promise, cup your cheeks and his thumbs make quick work of swiping away the salty streams.

“Hey, baby, breathe for me,” his voice is tragically gentle, “Just one deep breath, okay?”

To demonstrate, you watch his chest expand dramatically, his hands forcing you to keep your eyes on him.

You can’t see through the bleariness.

“C’mon, sweetness,” he encourages again, “One breath. Just one.”

If it were anyone else, you’d turn into a fit of rage at the coddling. You’d break everything in sight. You’d scream until your already burning lungs finally collapsed as they’d been yearning to for so long.

But it’s him. It’s just him, it’s just Eddie.

His chest rises dramatically again, and this time, yours does as well, albeit through stifling hiccups. You’re dizzy from the lack of oxygen and the flood of emotion that was wrecking you.

“There you go!” his voice rises ever so slightly, and when you flinch a bit at the sudden volume, he retracts, “Sorry, sorry. But that’s it, sweetheart. Another one, okay?”

Another breath. Another sob. Another wave of all the pain you’ve been battling off.

You’re cold all the time again. You’re always sleeping too much or too little. You’re smoking again, running yourself into the ground.

He was right and it fucking killed you. None of those are things you could ever shield him from. You didn’t have the heart to pull away those numb and icey fingertips every time he’d reach out for your hand, or try to cover the shivers that managed to rack your bones even in the middle of summer. The sleeping situation had been spiraling, a pendulum of sleepless nights that would end in a sleep so deep that you could have been mistaken for resting with the dead. Maybe the smoking you could have hid, especially when you’d been so boastful about quitting.

You weren’t running yourself into the ground. You had already collapsed into the dirt, you had already joined the worms. You’d buried yourself alive, six feet under, and nothing could have stopped him from sniffing out that scent of decay on you.

The death of a soul and mind. The death of the thing that had propelled you forward for so long. No amount of sweet perfume, or hour long scalding showers, or minty gum to occupy your mind rather than a proper meal, can erase that stench.

You never could have shielded him. He always saw right through you. Always had, always would.

“I’m sorry,” you end up crying out.

You don’t know what you’re apologizing for, but you echo the words again. Over and over, on repeat, until he’s rising from the ground. Until he’s sat beside you. Until his arms are suddenly encasing you and you’re awarded a warmth you didn’t feel deserving of.

He doesn’t smell like the decay you’d surrounded yourself with. He smells like slow waking in the morning, dreary and calm and at a reasonable time. He smells like warm baths that only relax your bones, and don’t have to blister your skin in the process. He smells like three meals a day, all comforting and all effortless and that never linger with a sense of regret.

He’s not decay, never even treading close to death. He’s home. He’s the promise that you could be okay. Even if it isn’t right now.

“Don’t apologize,” he murmurs into the crown of your head, squeezing you tighter into his chest, not even blinking an eye at the patch of wetness you leave behind from where your cheeks bury against him, “Never apologize. Ever. Not with me, sweetheart. Keep the sorries. I don’t need them.”

If it were anyone else, the holding would have suffocated you. But it’s him. It’s Eddie.

You don’t fight him when he pulls you fully into his lap, situating the two of you comfortably on that mattress.

You don’t know how long you let him cradle you like that. How much of that time is spent filled with your cries, or how many breaths he gently urges you to take with him. He never once has to verbally say what you already know; he never once promises aloud that it’ll be okay. He doesn’t put that pressure on you, not yet. Not today. Not when he knows the journey to okay is still such a long one.

“I’ve got you,” he whispers to you instead, “I’ve got you, now, sweetheart.”

If it were anyone else, you wouldn’t believe them.

But it’s him. It’s Eddie.

And he’s got you, for now and for as long as you need.

#my writing #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson comfort #idk what this is #i hope it flops because fuck is it personal !#i wrote very quickly and did not edit it lol #like my own personal diary entry or therapy session #bleh #very niche and doubt it's relatable lol #but i'm unwell and what good am i if i can't make content #if nothing else #i can create #still good for something maybe i don't know #at least something not awful can come from this storm

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danikamariewrites · 3 months

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Could I request a Cassian x reader with an eating disorder hc? Totally understand if you’re not comfortable writing about ED’s though!

Helping with your ED

A/n: Hi Anton, thank you for requesting this. In the past I’ve kind of ignored ED requests (and i mean no harm by it). It’s because I wasn’t comfortable with it due to my own ED. I like to ignore it and think if I do it won’t exist to me, which is not the case at all. But I wanted to write this because writing fics like this is like therapy and I’m ok sharing this with you guys.

Warnings: EATING DISORDER if you are struggling with an ED and this is a triggering topic please do not read this headcanon. While this is mild and based off my experience the last thing I would want is for someone to be uncomfortable reading about this topic. If you are struggling know you are not alone and if you are comfortable I encourage you to reach out for help.

Your relationship with food has always been odd

It’s no ones fault, you’ve just been so on and off with food from a young age

You never thought you looked like the other girls your age. They always had flatter stomachs than you and seemed to be perfectly sculpted for fae standards

You’d go from eating healthy, back to the way you usually would, then you would have days where you would forget to eat

Like you genuinely forget to eat

For example you won’t eat until a task is done

There are days where work was just too much you couldn’t be bothered to eat

Other times you just feel bad about your body so your punishment is to not eat (THIS IS VERY UNHEALTHY DO NOT DO THIS)

None of this goes unnoticed by Cassian

He is all about a healthy balanced diet

Cassian is very gentle about his approach with food for you

You two have a long conversation about eating but you still struggle with seeing the way you eat as unhealthy

Cassian does everything in his power to help you

He consults Madja and reads what books are available on the subject in the library

Cass’s main goal starting out is helping you to remember to eat

You two meal prep together and he shows you what you should be eating. Cassian doesn’t want to overwhelm you and make you eat too much that you can’t eat at all

Cassian tries to get you on a schedule

It’s easy to stay on a schedule when Cassian is home because he eats with you

The only time you miss the “schedule” he set for you is when he goes away

When you realize that you’ve skipped meals you don’t get upset with yourself, you’re just exhausted

You hate this mentality that you’ve developed

As time goes on you find yourself eating more and more

Three meals and you’re ok with having sweet snacks to treat yourself in between

Cassian never sees you as a burden, he just wants you to feel comfortable in your body again

Even though things like this take time to heal you’re glad Cassian is here to hold your hand every step of the way

#acotar #acotar fanfiction #acotar reader fic #acotar reader imagine #acotar imagine #cassian angst #cassian x you #cassian x reader #cassian imagine #cassian fanfic #cassian acotar #acotar cassian #cassian #cassian headcanons

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aemiron-main · 1 year

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mike having food issues isn’t a stretch, begging people to quit acting like it is

i just think it’s funny that people treat the idea of “there’s subtext that points to mike having issues with food” as some sort of ridiculous stretch and claim that it’s all just based on finn’s body when the show literally gave us Mike being mocked by other characters because of his weight, when Angela’s friend calls him a twig:

Like. I’m sorry to everyone who’s pointing out the urban dictionary of twig referring to a gay man, but even if that’s also the case, even if the duffers were consulting urban dictionary, the reality is that it’s far more commonly used to refer to someone skinny in a rude way.

Mike’s also the character who mocks Hopper’s weight in s3, calling his face a “fat tomato,” and then interestingly enough, we see tomato imagery again when Chrissy’s mom is tormenting her about her weight and directly contributing to her ED:

El is the one who makes the tomato comment, but Mike is the one who brings weight into it.

And then the next time we see tomato imagery is when Chrissy’s mom is tormenting her about her weight and we get the tomato pin cushion, and with the way the scene is setup, out attention is drawn to that cushion when you actually watch the shot in motion.

I feel like a lot of people on here have a very narrow definition of disordered eating and are basing all of their criticism on that narrow definition and are acting like everyone is saying that Mike is a Typical Anorexic Who Is Constantly Aware Of His Problems With Food. Instead, what I’m saying, at least, is that there’s strong subtext that points to Mike having anxiety and avoidance related food issues that stem from the frequent conflict at the Wheeler dinner table (something we see again in S4 when there’s conflict at the Byers’ dinner table and they go out of their way to show that Mike isn’t eating and also show Will noticing the fact that Mike isn’t eating), which still very much constitutes an eating disorder.

Will stares at Mike’s plate repeatedly, even when the scene cuts away and back to him. This isn’t a one time glance, Will literally cannot keep his eyes on his own plate:

It happens throughout the whole scene. Not only is the audience noticing that Mike isn’t eating, but other characters are noticing too.

And we also see Nancy calling Mike “disgusting,” for his food choices in S1, which is an offhand, relatively mild comment on its own, but when combined with the constant conflict at the Wheeler dinner table, especially conflict at criticism directed at Mike specifically, it becomes a setup for Mike’s anxiety and avoidance related food issues.

The setup is there for Mike to have avoidance/anxiety-related issues with food. It’s in the show, whether you’re comfortable with it or not.

I genuinely think that a lot of people on here (even those who have struggled with disordered eating themselves, because one person’s experience does NOT mean they understand everyone’s experience) could benefit from a deeper and wider understanding of what constitutes an eating disorder/disordered eating and various types of eating disorders, including ARFID. Disordered eating is far more common than people think it is, and it isn’t limited to “person who knowingly starves themselves because they hate their body,” it frequently has nothing to do with a person’s body at all, and just because you’ve had a different experience or a lack of knowledge of other experiences and research about eating disorders doesn’t negate the existence of knowledge and experiences that are different from yours.

Hopper very much deals with a disordered mentality around weight and food, and I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that the same applies to Mike (albeit in a different way) considering how often the two of them are paralleled and how often those parallels are scenes that specifically relate to size/weight (see: Mike calling Hopper fat in S3, and the S4 hug scene where mike comments on Hopper’s weight/him shrinking).

I’ve repeatedly seen people say things about how there’s a “million other reasons,” for all of these scenes involving Mike and his food issues, and yet, they conveniently, never actually provide those magical alternate reasons, and would rather try and make people out as being weird for pointing out obvious subtext in the show. The evidence I’ve provided here is barely scraping the surface of all of the evidence that points towards Mike having food issues, and yet, people act like it’s some ridiculous stretch but also never actually provide an alternate explanation because apparently “the guy who’s frequently shown signs of anxiety and avoidance issues and self esteem issues and whose family dinner table is full of conflict and criticism directed at him has some anxiety and avoidance and self esteem issues that are tied to the conflict directed at him at his family dinner table,” is simply a far-off, insane stretch.

Begging people to put their thinking hats on and be willing to accept that their knowledge on a topic might be missing pieces and that they may be looking at a topic such as disordered eating through a narrow lens.

#stranger things #byler #tw ed #mike wheeler #st analysis #mike wheeler analysis #mike’s food issues

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arrenlebanen777 · 1 year

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ASTRO OBSERVATIONS 222

✨Mercury conjunct Saturn: have very realistic and tactless speech, they usually try to impose their opinions on others, has raspy voices, they like to smoke as coping mechanism with anxiety, Are the ones who destroys the dreams of the “hippies/idealistic people” with harsh reality, they are very hard on themselves, but have a very good intuition of what is really important, debating and being assertive is their second nature. ✨Always listen to what a Mercury in 6th house person has to say, because they know a lot about health issues, intuitively without having studied too much, they know a lot about all types of health issues, although Mercury here is a little bit nervous and that's why not many people take into account what they have to say, but please listen to them because they probably have the solution to your psychosomatic problems, health issues, eating disorders, etc. That's his gift to you. ✨Any planet/asteroid you have conjunct your AC, DC, MC & IC is your regent planet(not dominant) but you have an abundant energy of that planet/asteroid. ✨Taurus stellium: Quite grounded, they have a very good relationship with money and animals, they usually gain a lot of money and have more than one pet, they are very talented in arts, high libido, they usually have a lot of hair, very patient, love alcohol, ambitious, quite sensual, very stubborn, loves food, good cooks, nature always accompanies them, generally where they live are many plants or a lot of nature. A friend of mine has this: And he is grounded af, stable like a tree, is one of the best guitarists I know, he loves to drink, and lives with his Taurus girlfriend in a house with lots of nature and he is quite seductive too. ✨Mars in 7th House: Mars is the initiator, is the one who opens paths, so If you meet/date a Mars in the 7th house usually and almost always, they are your first something(your first love, your first org*sm, your first healthy relationship, the first person who puts you in your place), Usually Mars in this house wakes up and is very stimulated by relationships, they are dominant in one-on-one interactions, but sometimes they tend to delegate this power to others, to their friends or their partners, so many times they claim this power back when they end/start a relationship. ✨My ex who have Mars Scorpio in 0º degrees/Capricorn MC in Scorpio 8º degrees/Aries Rising/ Her face when she was thinking, worried, bored, angry, being neutral, was like this: https://www.pinterest.cl/pin/94786767148623274/ My second ex who has Mars scorpio in Scorpio 20º degrees/Moon scorpio in Capricorn 10º degrees/Capricorn rising in Scorpio 8º degrees/her face when she was just “existing” was literally this: https://www.pinterest.cl/pin/577657089722136835/ (yeah I know, very similar). And me a Gemini rising in Libra 19º degrees/Moon Libra in Libra 19º degrees/Mars Capricorn in Taurus 14º degrees/Lilith opposite AC/ I literally look like this: https://www.pinterest.cl/pin/59109813851944049/ ✨Aquarius dominant people are very creative, intelligent, odd ones, usually very detached, If someone they don't know insults, threatens or treats them with disrespect, they don't care because they detach and tend to view the bigger picture, so their approach to obstacles is cool & calm, sometimes they have a hard time getting their big ideas down to earth. ✨Aries dominant people are very reactive, they are constantly trying to assert dominance on others, even the sweet pisces would have strong reactions, dominants, hot, very short temper, they are physically strong or have lots of physical strength, lots of drive. ✨Astrology is so complex and infinite that sometimes is better to know people just for who they are, expand your perception through awareness/being present, see through their illusions(masks/personalities/ego), reach to the soul level and start creating real, genuine, vulnerable, beautiful relationships! A better world!

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pinkhairswagtourney · 8 months

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What happened Mod? We're always here to support you.

tw fatphobia , ableism , eating disorder mention under the cut

i was already not doing well since i woke up in excruciating pain and i had a rough day at work with lots of bending / lifting , by the end of my shift i was ready to collapse .

my father was waiting up for me when i got home , and he immediately started yelling at me because i didn’t do the dishes before work . i apologized and told him i was running late ( because of him btw ! ) and didn’t have time to do them , i’d do them as soon as i showered . he said i’d do them right the fuck now , so . i put down my bag and started doing the dishes . but the whole time he was just screaming at me about how i need more hours or i need to find a different job , and i tried explaining that the other food industry jobs that i’ve worked don’t make accommodations for me like this place does , and he popped off about how i don’t need accommodations , i’m just fat and lazy and i don’t want to put in the work .

and after that i couldn’t talk anymore because he knows that i have an eating disorder and he knows that i’ve been struggling with it a lot more recently and he still chose to say that to me . my mother doesn’t often stick up for me but she did this time and so he turned his aggression towards her about how she’s enabling me and how i need to grow the fuck up already . and i shit you not , she screamed at the top of her lungs , SHE IS PHYSICALLY DISABLED and he just quietly said no she isn’t . and that was the end of it , he went to bed after that .

i’m just so numb . i’m glad my mother finally verbally acknowledged that i’m disabled . but my father is in stark denial and is putting me down in the process , and he’s the one who has all the control over my life . my mother has little to no say in what happens , we’re all under his control and just have to … deal with it , i guess . i don’t know . i was already not doing well and now i feel like i’m about to hit rock bottom again

i've really been trying not to complain about my life on here because . i already have complained so much and that's not what you guys are here for . but i genuinely don't have anywhere else to turn other than my partner , and i hate burdening him with all of my issues . i don't know . i'm trying my best but it's never going to be good enough and that crushes my soul in a way that words can't really describe

#fatphobia /#ableism /#ed mention /#ask to tag #ask #anonymous

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aspd-culture · 2 months

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i’m kind of confused as another system, ik you said you might just delete asks but i hope this is okay bc i’m genuinely trying to understand your point and sincerely confused and asking for clarification

i see your point about neurological disorders being hardware and stuff but at the same time like. i’m autistic and i was diagnosed with autism because i display autistic symptoms. one of my alters displays no autistic symptoms and would not be diagnosed with autism if he individually was tested. so how does it make sense to say he’s autistic?

in the same vein one of my alters displays all the symptoms for dpd and was diagnosed with it when he was out while being tested, but i display none of them and don’t relate to it at all. how does it make sense to say i have dpd?

we share the same brain yes but if one of us shows and relates to no symptoms of a disorder then imo it doesn’t track at all to say we still have it because the host or brain or other alters do. same vein as i’m anorexic but if another alter comes out and has zero issue with eating or the concept of food it wouldn’t make sense to call them anorexic, but it doesn’t make me less anorexic

This one was in the drafts. I really don’t want to get into this again, but I think it’s only fair to post it as I had taken the time to write this anon and answer so I don’t feel I can say “this is too much for me to deal with” when all I need to do is format it and hit post. As mentioned previously, I will ignore or delete asks if they only pertain to this discourse (unrelated in any other way to ASPD) at my discretion. I pretty much never have had to do that, just a couple ableist people telling me how terrible pwASPD are. I don’t intent to do it often, and don’t want to do it at all, but I won’t drain myself to continue explaining why alters inside the same body cannot physically alter the structure of the brain by switching out.

Not displaying symptoms is different than not having them. A symptom holder is an alter who shows the most symptoms of the disorder, generally because they end up pushed to the front in situations that flare the disorder. But the symptoms are not occurring because that alter is out, that alter is out because those symptoms are occurring and that alter knows best how to handle them.

Just like an alter who fronts during a certain kind of abuse every time it happens is not the only one *being* abused, the whole system is, an alter who takes on the symptoms of a neurological condition is not the only one who has it.

Beyond that, it's difficult to notice internally whether symptoms of neurological disorders disorders are present. Most people making this declaration that their alter doesn’t have the disorder are going off the concept that they perceive an alter to not have symptoms of the disorder, ignoring that before getting diagnosed, they likely also believed they had no symptoms of that disorder, at least for a time, or even worse, that the alter shows symptoms, but not enough to qualify for a diagnosis. That diagnosis is not individual, it is related to every alter using the brain. Showing different symptoms of a neurological disorder at different times is completely typical and does not mean you don’t have it, because different situations stimulate different parts of the brain and thus based on the situation the person will be affected differently by that disorder that they very much still have. If anyone on the opposite side of this discourse happens to have a good professional who knows about their system and their neurodivergence, try and ask them if you stop being autistic just because you switched and now aren’t noticing symptoms.

If you look into autism, you'll find it is literally a difference in the brain (neurodivergence). At the end of the day, symptoms or not, if you use an autistic brain, you are autistic, because autism is not actually a set of symptoms. Autism is a difference in the brain that we notice and diagnose using symptoms. Hence why it is a spectrum where two autistic people can literally have entirely different symptoms with no overlap. The same goes for any neurological difference - it is *not* a set of symptoms, we use those symptoms to recognize and identify the difference in their brain.

Anorexia, however, is not always neurological. I think it can be, but it is also sometimes a body image issue or a trauma issue, etc. So yes, some alters can be anorexic while others are not.

Let me say it another way and see if this helps make sense of it. If a system gets accommodations in school like longer test taking or more time to turn in homework, does the teacher have the responsibility to remove those and ignore the IEP or 504 plan because said alter shows few enough symptoms that they wouldn’t be considered to have that disorder alone? Or are those disability accommodations legally protected at all times regardless of who is out?

Should a system that has work accommodations for a disorder lose those if another alter is out? Should your boss be able to, if you have accommodations that say for example that you have more leeway on being late to work, be allowed to ask you who was out and punish you like they would a fully neurologically abled person if it was an alter capable of getting there on time?

Or if the body of a system has,a degenerative brain disease, and an alter who shows less symptoms of it were to end up frontstuck, should they stop taking their medication? Or do they still have a disease affecting the brain that they need to keep treating regardless of who is out? The same goes for Autism, ASPD, ADHD, any disorder that affects the physical function of the brain since they all have the same one.

And if you think they should stop taking meds or lose legal rights to accommodations, where’s the line? Who gets to say if the alter is symptomatic enough? It would be so messy and confusing if those things were allowed because they make no sense. Same brain = same neurology = same neurological disorders.

It's getting frustrating repeating myself here over and over, which is the point of me saying I may delete asks about this specific discourse if I don’t have the spoons for it.

Plain text below the cut:

Anorexia, however, is not always neurological. I think it can be, but it is also sometimes a body image issue or a trauma issue, etc. So yes, some alters can be anorexic while others are not.

It's getting frustrating repeating myself here over and over, which is the point of me saying I may delete asks about this specific discourse if I don’t have the spoons for it.

#aspd-culture-is #not aspd #system discourse

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existingispetty · 2 years

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thank you!! •~• anon, i'm back - i struggle with ftm dysphoria and anorexia, and i was getting better for a few months, however stress and depression have led me back down the back of relapse and i'm really scared. could i have some comfort (scenario, headcanon, whatever you're comfortable doing) of kaeya, ayato, and scaramouche (separately, please!) comforting their partner about that and maybe trying to get them to eat? thank you so much again •~•

Hello! Thank you so much for the ask and I apologize for the wait! I would like to add that I know an internet stranger's words may not affect you, but keep fighting! Fight for yourself and not the people around you. I hope you can recover. slight_smile

P.S thank you so much for the Scaramouche ask because I love him so much. +++++++++++++++++++++++++

Prompt: The reader struggles with anorexia and due to stress has an unfortunate relapse

Characters: Ayato, kaeya, Scaramouche

Type: scenarios, angst with comfort, fluff

!! Warnings: mention eating disorders and implied self-harm!!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Ayato

You take one quick glance at the food that was placed in front of you by Thoma and you quickly look away in disgust. Ayato frowns he knows that you’ve had a lot on your shoulders lately and he’s worried about the past catching up especially… Thoma frowns and walks over to the chilling man and gives him a sad glance before walking out of the room. Ayato wants to approach you but he doesn’t know what to say just yet. You attempt to look back at the food that lets off a tempting aroma, but after you stare at it for just a moment your stomach quivers and you look away once again.

Ayato approaches you and gently puts a hand on your back. “Love, do you want me to postpone everything on your schedule before the next week?” See, because you were Ayato's lover you went with him to most essential places so postponing. Your schedule was the same as delaying Ayatos own schedule. Guilt hit you like a tsunami. Ayato quickly noticed and added to his previous statement, “Most of the meetings this week are personal and not professional so it wouldn’t be a burden if we were to postpone them…”

his soft tone made you look at him curiously. Ayatos eyes were filled with so much love, it was clear his only desire was to make sure you don’t fall into your old grave.

Tears began to build up in your own eyes as he became more concerned. “Please love, remember the big celebration we had when you finally overcame this terrible demon? Thoma ate that terrible hot pot? We could do it again if you wish to?” He smiled gently but you could still see the worry hidden deep beneath his perfect façade. You looked at the food one final time before looking at the love of your life again. “Please me dear eat. you can take it slow, eat small bites then take bigger bites. You can do this, don’t let the terrible stress catch up to you.” He shook his head gently. His loving words enticed you. The pristine man took your hand gently within his own as he guided your chopsticks to the meal Thoma had prepared. You parted your lips slightly purely on instinct as Ayato drove the food-holding chopsticks closer to your mouth. As the delectable taste of Thomas's cooking takes over your mouth Ayato has a genuine smile. You chew as tears begin to streak down “I’m so so proud of you dear.. Thoma? May you please cancel all of our meetings for the rest of the week?” Ayato calls for The tall ginger, who pokes his head through the door frame, a large smile graces his face, as he calls back “alright! Do you want me to start the hotpot?” Ayato quickly nods as Thoma turns away.

Kaeya

Kaeya lacked the knowledge of your past eating disorder but, he did recently notice the change in your diet. You could feel Kaeya’s unwavering stare as he placed your meal serving in front of you. Kaeya quickly sat down with his own serving. You picked up your food on your fork and began to raise it towards your mouth hesitating. Kaeya watched closely but continued chowing down on his own food.

A few hours earlier, Kaeya mentioned that your lack of eating is very suspicious. As soon as your taste buds touched the food that you had raised to your mouth you began to gag. Your own body was resisting the food you were offering it. Seeing this Kaeya stood up quickly and walked over to you putting about a foot of space in between the two of you. Kaeya lightly grabbed your chin and forced you to look up at him. “You know you are the most beautiful amazing person in the world, right?” He was so bad at comforting that a giggle escaped your mouth. “Love if you need to break please do, I don’t want you to hurt yourself like this.”

Kaeya continued to encourage you with a soothing tone. Your stomach went against your brain and growled. Kaeya let out a loud chuckle. “You are obviously hungry, you don’t have to eat all of it… just 3 bites, please. I care about you and seeing you like this hurts me.” Kaeya didn’t let the concern out with his voice but his eyes showed it all. Kaeya inched toward you slowly as if hesitating.

You saw him smile slightly before he consumed you into a loving hug. His arms traced your spine and Kaeya whispered into your ear softly. “I love you so much, I know you wouldn’t be happy later on that you didn’t eat the meal I worked hard to cook…” you could hear his mocking tone while saying the part about him working hard to make the food. “This is your choice my love, but one choice is the better choice.” He finally freed you from his arms and left the room.

Scaramouche

Scaramouche had once again been working all day and it had gone on longer than expected. For weeks now you have had dinner alone and it has destroyed you. Scaramouche would constantly make the empty promise of being home earlier although, he never was. Currently, y oh we’re at the dining table picking at your food that was quickly growing cold. You heard the sound of a door opening from another room, you were on edge of your seat just waiting for someone to attack you until you heard a distant “I’m hungry…” it was Sara! He has finally come home! He walked into the room and groaned at the sight of food.

“Hello darling, thank you for waiting for me…” Sacra spared you a small smile before sitting down and stuffing his face with food. Scaramouche may be here now but he hadn’t been for weeks, you were hanging on by an already splitting thread. You had been stressing. For about two weeks now you had been stressed over the question of ‘is Scaramouche going to leave me?’ The man finally noticed that you weren’t eating a bit of your food, just looking at it. He frowned and chews the food that was in his mouth quickly before saying, “Are you okay?”

He didn’t sound worried at all. You didn’t aw see and Scaramouche relaxed his muscles. His eyebrows furrowed as he tended, your lack of answers caused tension to thicken within the dining room. “ answer me, or are you a deaf bear?” He glared at you but he was obviously confused. You continued to avoid eye contact and did not reply to any of his questions.

Scaramouche stared at you with a look that just read ‘talk to me or I’ll force answers out of you. Still, you were silent. “This again? Are you worried about something? Only a fool would once again resort to starving oneself.” His words sounded mean but they were filled with good intentions. He quickly noticed that you weren’t making any movement to west your foot, so he looked at you with one final glare before getting up and saying in the calmest tone ever, “ I refuse to eat with you until you choose to actually eat.” The man cleaned his plate beginning to walk out of the room causing you to finally meet his eyes, "Darling, I love you, you should know that. Eat please I'm taking work off tomorrow." He said in the most sincere tone you've heard from I'm before he left the room.

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact angst #kaeya x reader #kaeya x gender neutral reader #genshin kaeya #kaeya angst #kaeya x reader angst #genshin ayato #ayato x gender neutral reader #ayato x reader #ayato angst #ayato x reader angst #scaramouche #genshin scaramouche #scaramouche angst #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche x reader angst

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biscuits-spooky-corner · 3 months

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how can someone be a terf? or racist? or homophobic? or anti-semitic? or a zionist? or just in general be a hater? like seriously, this is a genuine question. there’s so many beautiful things to love. trans people are beautiful. poc are beautiful. queer people are beautiful. jewish people are beautiful. palestinians are beautiful. people as a whole are beautiful. everything is beautiful. we’re all human. can’t we just get along? i mean, really, are you seriously so selfish that you choose to hate someone just because of something out of their control, like where they were born or what they look like? just love and be loved, man. seriously. i’m telling you, loving others is what will help you love yourself. i’m sorry that you have to hear this from a sleepy teenager that suffered through/is suffering through too many attempts to count, crushing anxiety, an intense stutter, an eating disorder, depression, bullying, and all the things you can throw at a girl, but you being a hater towards someone isn’t cute. it’s not gonna help. so just stop. i know it’s hard. hell, i’m still struggling with hating on others cause i consider what they do or their views “wrong”. but if you don’t like someone, just block them. please. or specify what people you want to interact, and what people you don’t. seriously, it helps. blocking someone instead of fighting them is so easy, you just have to click a button. but to fight someone seriously takes a toll on your mental health. just block them are move on with your life.

if we fill the world with love, then no one will have to defend themself from hate.

that means giving second chances. that means telling yourself that not everyone is good, and just putting that much more love into the world. that means replacing your hateful speech with words of kindness and love. that means letting yourself be a human. that means making mistakes and growing as a human. that means making food for yourself. that means going on a walk. that means playing with your dog, changing your cat’s water bowl, that means petting your lizard, that means giving your snake a kiss, that means visiting your grandma in the hospital, that means reading a book your friend lends you, that means supporting others but also knowing how to say that you can’t help them. that means helping your friend out with a confusing math problem. that means cooking dinner for your mom. that means playing a game with your sister. that means helping your brother with his chores. that means giving the love that you can give to others, and letting yourself have the rest.

that means you let yourself be human just as much as you let others.

that means supplying yourself with enough love to spread to the whole world.

not hating others. not starting fights. not telling people that they aren’t real, that they didn’t suffer, that they are invalid, that they can’t go through anything.

it means letting humans be flawed creatures.

#ramblings #eepy posting #goodnight everyone <3 #important

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illuminatedbyauroras · 1 year

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New to EDblr?

Some stuff you might not understand or be familiar with when starting out on tumblr for ed content.

OBVIOUS TRIGGER WARNING::: if you’re underaged/“new” to this PLEASE seek recovery and try your best not to trigger yourself on here. You deserve recovery. This is very unsafe and you need to turn back before it’s too late. You DO NOT want this disorder i promise.

abbreviations: a lot of abbreviations are used so people don’t get their accounts deleted. this content is genuinely dangerous and you should seek recovery. however, recovery is hard and i know it doesn’t help to just say “recover”, so i will try to educate! Some common abbreviations are

Ed: eat!ng d!sorder (notice people use characters instead of letters. again so they don’t get their account deleted for the content)

Gw: goal we!ght

Ugw: ultimate goal we!ght

Hw: heaviest we!ght

Lw: lowest we!ght

CW: current we!ght

BMI: body mass index. (This really doesn’t matter because everyone is built different! But body dysmorphia makes you feel like it’s necessary to lower this. It’s not. But if you see it, that’s what it’s measuring)

Ana: an0rex!a

Mia: Bu||em!a

🌧️, 🦋: symbols to help identify others with an ed

3d: eat!ng disorder

Sh: s3lf h4rm

Ed Sheeran: a silly code for ed, or s3lf h4rm.

You may see super low numbers in each category. Some are in kg not pounds, so keep that in mind if a number seems SUPER low. Again, we’re all not doing okay here so never judge someone for the things their brain tells them they need to achieve. It’s a DISORDER.

You’ll see recipes or meal inspiration too. You don’t have to follow any of these specifically. Usually it’s to help give ideas if people need new safe foods. It can help expand your palette if you’re struggling to find something you feel okay consuming.

Th!nsp0: using images of very small build people as inspiration for staying small. Not necessary, and very tr!ggering. Be warned.

F4tsp0: using images of larger people to “inspire” being small. This one is one of the most awful categories. Fat people are valid and should NEVER “inspire” you to be thin. It’s disgusting, but it’s out there.

Sweetsp0: using sweet language and words to inspire you to keep going. I honestly prefer this.

Meansp0: using mean words to inspire you to keep going and be small. This one isn’t effective for me, but it depends on how it’s done.

Fasting: many users state that they are going on fasts. Water fasts mean you’re only consuming water for a period of time. Just fasting usually means just not consuming foods, but you’ll consume liquids like coffee, etc.

When i first joined, i wasn’t sure how people lived every day like this. Am i supposed to be eating a certain amount? What should my ca|or!es for everyday be? How does exercise add on to that??

It’s different for every person. I started with a goal of like 1000 cäls a day. I learned that for me, it takes like 700-900 a day for me to actually lose anything. Again, it is different for everyone so please don’t compare yourself to others. Usually if you exercise or walk through the day, users subtract that amount of calories from their daily intake. It’s not an exact science obviously, but that’s just what you might come across. I usually track myself like that.

You can use apps like Lifesum (my personal choice) to measure meals and calor!es. You can also track your we!ght progress and stuff. It helps me put into perspective how much progress i actually made. It’s hard to see it since you see yourself every day.

PLEASE BE SAFE. This is a mental illness, not a lifestyle. It is dangerous and deadly even if you don’t feel it. Please take care of yourself. Have something to eat daily if possible. Please make sure to drink water. You deserve to be here and be healthy.

((I’ll edit this periodically if i think of anything else. If you’re confused about something or have a question, feel free to comment!! I will answer anything!!))

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jumpingjoltiks · 3 months

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Heyy. Could I get Emmet x someone who struggles with body image/ed and feels inscure. Especially since he's so tall and lanky.

Emmet x Reader

Emmet is grabbing your hand and holding tight all through recovery.

TW: Discussions of eating disorders and body image, minor food talk, insecurity and self-doubt, archeops being so adorable its actually hazardous

don't worry, I promise there's a happy ending <3

At first, he looks at you incredulously when you admit that his physique sometimes makes you feel inadequate.

"I am Emmet. You are not Emmet. You look like yourself and not me. You being you is a good thing. It is the best thing I could ask for!"

He loves you so much, he genuinely does not understand. All he wants is for you to see yourself the way he sees you. An incredible, wonderful partner.

But insecurities aren't rational. He knows that, and he does his best to help you anyway.

He's very encouraging toward your health and getting better. He wants you to be your best and happiest self!

Joins you for meals as often as his schedule will allow. He's not especially chatty by nature, but he’ll talk to you about his battles that day or the recent gossip among the subway workers.

Emmet is actually quite an adventurous eater. He loves trying new things and will always offer some to you (it’s a zero-pressure offer, of course. He would never push you to do something you don’t want to do, but he wants you to know it’s always on the table). Even if you just try a little, he smiles like you've offered him the whole world.

Emmet celebrates every victory with you, even the ones you think aren't that big of a deal. He's your biggest cheerleader.

Talks you up all the time - he is SO proud to have you as a partner.

There's a really nice farmer's market in Anville Town that he likes walking. He'll spend the day with you strolling between different booths, pointing out the arrangements at the flower seller or the kids running about with bubble wands and pinwheels, or just how nice it is to spend time together.

Makes it a point to arrange dates that don’t revolve around food at all – like visiting museums, riding roller coasters at the carnival, or heading out to catch new pokémon!

Reminds you that getting better isn’t always a linear progression. His positive attitude is contagious. He goes out of his way to make you feel better when you feel down.

Still, your days aren't always sunny. It's a serious disorder, and sometimes you feel like your ed gets in the way of living fully, but Emmet's always got your back...

It's during one of your dates that you find yourself quite downhearted. Emmet had taken you out for a nice walk through the park. When he offered to pay for an iced coffee, all you could think about were the numbers rapidly calculating through your head. Calories. Sugars. Carbs. As much as you want to stop, it's hard to pull yourself back to the present moment.

You could feel Emmet's gaze on you.

“A black coffee sounds nice, but maybe a little later?”

Some of the sparkle leaves his eyes. It's like he can see right through you.

He squeezes your hand in acknowledgment. You both are quiet for a little while as you walk. You're too wrapped up in feeling like you've ruined a perfectly nice moment to notice how deep in thought he's become.

"Have you met my ace yet?"

The question arrives so suddenly and out of left field that it snaps you out of your head, though the squirming feeling in your gut persists. What brought this up?

"I... I don't think so. Why?"

You've met some of his team before. A handful of Joltik and their mama Galvantula, Durant, even Crustle.

"Would you like to? There is a poképark right ahead."

You nod, grateful that he doesn't seem to be upset. It's irrational - you know he wouldn't get fed up with you over something like this, but anxiety can mess with anyone's best judgement.

When you arrive, you take a seat together onto a park bench. Emmet's arm automatically rests against the back of the bench behind where you sit. He reaches for his pocket and pulls a pokeball from his coat.

Out comes an Archeops. It jumps about in a flurry of wings and a rainbow of feathers. He flaps and stretches out his wings and runs about a little, hopping in a clumsy flight before settling before you.

His chin plops on Emmet's knee hopefully. Your boyfriend gives him scritches as the pokémon suspiciously eyes over this new person with his trainer. Emmet pulls out a second ball - a pokémon toy with a jingly bell. Now there's no attention on you whatsoever: to Archeops the world has narrowed to this toy. The pupils of his eyes have expanded, leaving them nearly completely black, reflecting the hand holding the toy before him. His tail thumps on the ground behind him in an eager rhythm. Emmet passes it to you. You huck it out into the park and Archeops goes skittering after it gleefully.

"You know... before, you were reminding me a lot of Archeops."

"Huh?" You're a little offended, being compared to a giant rainbow chicken and all. Yet, trainers always hold great fondness for their aces... so maybe there was more to this.

"When Archeops and I first started battling together, it was difficult. He wasn't as tough as he is now. It took a lot of time and a lot of practice for both of us to learn how to work together."

Archeops comes up right on cue and plops the slobbery ball into your lap. He squawks at you. You throw it again, pensive. What was Emmet trying to say here?

"I knew Archen had a lot of great potential. I could see so much in him. He was verrrry strong, but he'd get discouraged when things started to get rough in a battle. He still does. But that’s okay."

Archeops bounds back to you and plops the ball at your feet. You reach your hand out and Archeops tilts his head. He nibbles at your fingers, making a curious cooing bird sound. Then the fossil pokémon presses his head up into your hand, asking for scritches.

"I have seen him pull through again and again. When he gets knocked down, he gets back up. Even when things seem hard, he is still the same Archeops as he was at the start of the battle. I see it even when he does not. And it helps him to be part of a team. Being surrounded by others who believe in him ... It makes a big difference."

You’re not sure what to say, or if you should say anything at all. Instead, you let out a sigh and lean back against Emmet’s shoulder. It is nice to have someone to support you.

"You are a lot like that.... I see how hard you try. You do your verrrry best to get better each day, and it can be hard when it feels like your best is not enough. But it is. And you are."

Archeops practically smushes his head into your lap so you have to look at him. He trills up at you with such a happy, goofy expression that you can't help but feel a blooming fondness for the dinosaur. Emmet leans his head against yours.

"I care about you, even when you're feeling down. I see you. I see how strong you've been and how much you work at it. So don't get discouraged, okay? I am Emmet, and I am here for you no matter what."

How nice it is to be surrounded by the ones who love you.

~~~

Please consider reblogging if you enjoyed! <3

Requests are [open!]

#emmet x reader #x reader #submas x reader #my writing #a nonny mouse #mailbox💌#op has an eating disorder and supports recovery. we're getting better. together. I promise.#tw disordered eating

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digyoman · 4 months

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I will listen to any and all Lloyd headcannons!!

What's something you always wanted to get out there? Something interesting you think gets overlooked? Something that deserves clarification? Or anything really! AUs, ideas, random thoughts that hang in your brain.... Please go off!!

(I'm always here for more Stand time!!)

mouse!! thank you for the ask, you are my greatest enabler and i love you for it. <3

honestly this SO hard to answer because i have so much to say. probably too much. i looked through some of my old notes in preparation for this post and all i can say is. jesus christ. there is a lot to unpack and i can’t fit it all into one post so i’m just going to stick with the basics!

so, here are digyoman’s lloyd headcanons 101 (based on the book and mostly vegas-centric!):

he doesn’t like to be alone. super brilliant observation, i know! 👍 he can be left on his own, it’s not that big of a deal, but generally i think he tends to feel cornered when he’s isolated for too long. so, he ends up lurking around the casino a lot, just to be near other people. and sometimes he falls asleep there. if you catch him snoozing at a crap table leave him ALONE it’s none of your business!

he has extremely questionably probably disordered eating habits. i don’t think this needs much explanation. he eats a lot, refuses to “waste” food, and occasionally hoards shit in case of an emergency. it gets better after a while, but never fully goes away.

he probably has some form of ocd. yes this means compulsive showering. it also means he has weird thought loops and tends to draw connections where there are none. he doesn’t think of himself as superstitious, but he’s also out here assuming that he can survive almost any situation by thinking “i don’t want to die,” over and over and that is not a normal train of thought. it is, however, the only way he can make sense of how he’s survived this long, and it gives him an illusion of control in situations where he really doesn’t have any say over his own life.

he dissociates during the executions. anyone who says “pretend like you don’t know him,” while trying to kill someone is not checked into reality you can’t fool me. he disconnects from himself throughout the whole show and probably for a while after, so he has little to no memory of actually crucifying anyone, but he sure knows it happened! it gets a lot worse when the crucifixions happen more often—the frequent dissociation combined with his intense stress over trying to keep vegas from falling apart builds towards a total break from reality near the end. i think glen’s death is a tipping point for him, and even if the bomb hadn’t gone off shortly after that, he would not have survived much longer.

when he first arrived in vegas, he got a kick out of dressing in sharp clothes and strutting around the casinos like a big shot. but after a while of this, he realized they weren’t really genuinely him, so he defaults back to casual clothes. but he still has those outfits and he will break them out again if he ever wants to make an impression!

#sorry i took so long to get to this!#end of the semester obliterated me but we’re BACK.#anyway uh. this post sure is something isn’t it!#i gotta say i love the way i structured it. the headcanons get progressively worse and then it ends with a remark about his fashion choices #wasn’t intentional but i think it’s funny lmaooo #i didn’t mean for this post to get dark but apparently all of my thoughts are just. like that.#imagine my horror when i opened up google docs and had to read through ten pages of this.#even my headcanon about his SUNGLASSES is sad like. come on.#someone needs to teach me how to make happier headcanons i am unwell.#lloyd henreid #the stand

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goodgirlgrow · 2 years

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Have you lost weight? Deadass I mean like fr I'm not messing with you.

Deadass, b. Please remember I was just a genuine horny person who didn’t get into this to make content for profit. I lived out my wg fantasy to the extent I could. I really thought I was going to become a 350lb ssbbw, but my body cannot handle it and the things I enjoy just aren’t conducive to being that fat despite how beautiful I might think it is or how horny it makes me. Somewhere around last summer it became really unhealthy for me to keep gaining because people just started to shit on my gain and all I did was get compared to Reina. It was kinda rough because she’s one of my best friends. For awhile, I was like, am I a weak little bitch for letting people’s opinion fuck with me so much? And like no, I’m not. If I was only in this for money, I would just ignore the haters and stay in my bag, but it’s not about that for me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ So yes, I’m losing weight, I’m still into feedism and going to make feedism content. I love making porn and am going to continue being a SWer, but my “persona” is going to change. But I’m going into eating disorder treatment on the 1st. 7 days a week for six hours a day. Just gotta heal my relationship with my body and food. Coming off of having an eating disorder for 15 years straight and then going right into this wasn’t the healthiest choice it turns out ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I feel like all I can do now is work on myself, stay loyal to my (true) fans by continuing to authentically enjoy feedism through the content I make, share my journey so other models/content creators can benefit from my narrative, and continue to develop Sizable so people have a fair and healthy place to share content that doesn’t incite competition and has discovery built into it so you don’t work yourself to the bone trying to get your content seen.

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moondal514 · 1 year

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Ok I’m going to rant about something aftg fandom-related that’s honestly not a big deal but it bothers me

TW: eating disorders

So quick note for transparency: i don’t read fics dealing with eating disorders/diet and weight angst that much cuz it’s one of the few tropes out there that I really can’t handle all of the time. Of course, there are exceptions, especially in the aftg fandom where I’ll read nearly anything if you slap an Andreil label on it. I wanna rant about some of those exceptions I’ve read, specifically something about them that I’m very bothered by. Namely, if there is a character with an eating disorder in an aftg fic…why is it usually Neil?

Like what about Neil as a character screams give this man an eating disorder? Is it just cuz he’s the main character? Is it a bad handover from the side of the fandom that likes to feminize him? Is it a fanon!Neil thing? Like truly I’m genuinely baffled by this because canonically the man eats basically anything put in front of him. I genuinely can’t recall if there’s a single moment in canon where Neil refuses to eat something (not counting his refusal to eat sweet things cuz he’s not a fan of them), so to have this whole side of the fandom that’s randomly decided to give him issues with food…why?? Does the man not have enough neuroses already?? Is all the canonical torture he gets not good enough for you?? (obligatory disclaimer: I personally hate adding trauma to Neil when he already goes through so much in canon) Like why??? Seriously. Why???

But more than that, I genuinely don’t understand why a writer would choose to explore eating disorders through Neil when there are like…so many better options of characters to do that with. Like if I were to write an eating disorder fic, Neil would probably be at the bottom of my list for characters I would center the fic around. There are just so many other characters that would to me make more canonical sense to write about having an eating disorder.

Like Allison! Hello??? It’s literally a canonical part of her backstory! Why tf would you fuck around with Neil having an eating disorder when there’s a whole ass Allison who literally had to be put in a clinic to recover right there??? You could write about her entire backstory or, if you really wanted to be angsty, write about her relapsing. That could be dramatic

Or maybe a writer wants to explore men having eating disorders, cuz it’s true the social dynamics/pressures are different for male eating disorders compared to female eating disorders. Ok then, Kevin is right there!!! Like this man is so obsessed with exy that it seeps into his eating practices. He’s so canonically super strictly diet oriented that it really wouldn’t be that much of a stretch for it to turn into disordered eating. Maybe it’s a part of his Nest trauma or something, idk

And of course, who is the character with canonically conspicuously weird eating habits? That’s right, Andrew! That habit he has of tearing up his food into tiny bits? That’s a classic eating disorder tell. When he’s on his meds, we know his diet is fucked up by them, as demonstrated by the scenes where everyone’s eating at Abby’s and Neil notices Andrew hasn’t touched his food. Andrew is a character that is both self-destructive and has control issues, a combination that would lend itself unfortunately well to an eating disorder. Simultaneously quiet self-destruction and a way to exert control over his own body, very Andrew yeah?

Maybe a writer doesn’t wanna write about the Foxes though. Maybe a writer wants to write about the Ravens. Ok. Jean motherfucking Moreau is Right. There. The guy goes through so much fucked up shit in the Nest that isn’t really greatly detailed in canon, so why not add an eating disorder to the mix?

TL;DR: I’m bothered that all the fics in this fandom that center around eating disorders seem to always be about Neil and it makes no sense cuz there are imo much better characters in aftg that are better options for writers to explore these concepts with

Disclaimer: obviously no hate to anyone who has written or does write fics where Neil has an eating disorder. I’ve read many excellent fics with that concept. I’m just trying to understand why they are so overrepresented

#this is just me being annoying #about something small that bugs me personally #I just needed to get this off my chest somewhere #aftg #moonie writes #moonie posting

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moving-to-dreamwinged · 6 months

Text

cw / ed

it’s just hard for me to genuinely believe u care as much as u say when u keep making “jokes” even after ive explained to u so many times how much it hurts me OVER and OVER when i HATE opening up to ppl so even setting tht boundary was hard asf!!!😭😭😭 u know how hard i worked to get in recovery and how it’s been even harder to actually STAY there. u know all the stories abt how my disorder tore my relationship w my family and my old friends about. yet u constantly say triggering shit ON A LOOP EVERY DAY with no fucking warning. bc i had the audacity to be vulnerable for once in my fucking life and open up to u abt my insecurities? then u say my trust issues in general are unfounded and “crazy” when U PERPETUATE THEM. just say u liked me better when i was sicker at this point instead of beating around the bush. for fucks sake

and these r supposed to be my ppl, the closest friends i’ve ever had in my life yet they constantly make me so uncomfortable with the things they say abt my habits and the tidbits they know abt my struggles w mental health. they’re so so great otherwise but then there’s this and no matter how much i explain it they never stop? it hurts so much. and it comes in sprees too; where they just basically bully me constantly for a week and i hav no idea where it came from or how to stop it. i don’t want to let a few idiotic comments interfere wifh all the progress i’ve made but fuck. i decide to treat myself w a lil dessert and there’s a comment. i walk outside in literally any outfit and it’s “oh u better lay off the [whatever food they saw me eating recently] or that’s not gonna fit anymore lol!” i genuinely. don’t understand. iv explained to them hey im in recovery from anorexia after multiple years of struggling w it, ik it’s just jokes to u guys but it really hurts me. nope nothing. the running gag in the friend group is basically that im fat and ugly. that’s their favorite bit nd when they remember how funny it is Oh am i in for a long couple of weeks.

and idk maybe they dont mean it. maybe they rly just think it’s funny; maybe they think there’s nothing wrong w my body so commenting on it is a funny joke bc of the contrast but idrc honestly. one of them even HAS body dysmorphia (and knows i do too!) and STILL does it. like shouldn’t you understand how fucking DAMAGING tht is? its all so hurtful to me in so many ways nd i can’t stop thinking about it. they know i struggle w sh and suicidal thoughts too yet keep this up. like shouldn’t u know that’s gonna make it worse??? i don’t rly have any interest in seeing them if this keeps up. i don’t wanna eat around them or even exist around them if they keep doing this. i feel rly sick. i don’t want to think this is genuinely how my best friends feel abt me and they think it’s ok but. :( i can’t help it. i rly don’t know what to think

#.vent #cw ed #cw ed mention #tw ed #tw ed mention #cw sh mention #cw sh #tw sh mention #tw sh #long

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