#it felt nostalgic and new somehow and I loved it.

[shewrites7]

The First Step

carmen berzatto x fem!reader

summary - The first thing you do when you get back to your hometown of Chicago is pay Carmen, your oldest friend and maybe more than that, a visit at The Beef. When you land yourself a job there, the more he sees of you, the more he seems to push you away for reasons he isn't yet brave enough to tell you, even if all he wants is to be with you. But if he'd ever known you, he'd know that you weren't going to back down without a fight.

type - one shot (its a long one)

word count [16.6k]

tags: Carmy Berzatto x f!reader, friends to lovers, pining, slight miscommunication, a little angst, "stop pushing me away", hurt/comfort, and new promises.

warnings: swearing, mentions of grief/death, panic attack

a/n: check this out also on my ao3! <33

Carmen was tired, to say the least. He'd been working himself to the bone every damn day for the past few months, trying to get The Beef to a good, stable place. Somehow, as time went by, he'd only managed to dig himself a deeper grave. With the money they owed to Cicero, he knew, deep down, that the restaurant was, for lack of a better word, fucked.

But he kept holding on. He couldn't let go of it. He'd wonder, in the depths of night, why he was fighting so hard for this place when he could easily sell it to Cicero. If, maybe, he was holding onto someone. He didn't amuse the thought. He physically couldn't.

So he threw himself deeper into his work. Deeper into making The Beef a reputable place, with a professional working staff and high-quality food. It didn't matter that the others looked at him like he'd lost his mind. Maybe he had. He didn't have the time to worry about that. He didn't have time for much of anything, which is why Sydney had been pushing for new hires. She'd said that they needed more hands in the kitchen, more workers up front, more of everything. They should be desperate.

That's why she'd spent hours putting up posters for new hires on what felt like practically every block of Chicago within a mile radius from the restaurant. And that's why you'd happened to stumble upon one of them while walking to a favorite pizza place of yours that you'd loved as a kid. It was one of the first things you'd planned on doing ever since you'd gotten back into the city. That and meeting up with some old friends who you'd missed with an ache in your chest. So, seeing the poster clinging to the utility pole saying that The Beef was hiring had your heart skip a little beat at the prospect of not only getting a job but seeing the people who had basically been your family growing up again.

It was a Friday morning when you'd stopped by The Beef, the rusted white sign sticking out like a sore thumb. A rush of aromas wafted against your nose when you walked in, and the front door made a jingling sound that was almost nostalgic.

No one was at the front register. In fact, you couldn't see anyone at all, only hear some muffled voices coming from the kitchen in the back. The voices grew louder as seconds went by, and you could tell they were shouts. The kitchen door then flew open, finally revealing the argument going on between two people, one being an unfamiliar woman in an apron, and the other being none other than Richie Jerimovich.

"Richie, I swear to God-"

"I already told you," came the booming voice of Richie, neither of them noticing your presence at the door. "Your foo foo plans for this place are not gonna fly, Sweetheart!"

With the way Richie was talking to her, you could see the woman's patience wearing thin as she rested a hand on her temple with shut eyes as he carried on. It was only when she reopened her eyes a few moments later that she noticed your presence.

"Hi," you said, making your way over to her. "I saw your poster, the one about looking for new hires-"

"Right, right." She offered a strained smile, stress seeming to stay with her. "I'm Sydney, you must be one of the job applicants?"

"Yeah, I'm-"

"A job applicant?" Richie's voice boomed through the room, his voice always projecting ten times louder than need be. You had to admit, you missed it. "F that bullshit, that's fucking Mars Bar!"

Sydney's eyebrows lowered at the shouted nickname, the one that the Berzattos had gifted you years ago after your favorite candy as a kid. You granted Richie a smile, him finally noticing you. "Nice to see you too, Richie."

He marched around the counter to engulf you in a bear-like hug that had you letting out a chuckled gasp from the impact, arms wrapping tightly around your back. He let go in a beat and slammed his hands down on the counter in excitement, always loud.

"Just wait till Carmy hears about his favorite girl being back, I swear to God."

Something fluttered through you at the mention of that name. Carmen's name. With a whirlwind of thoughts sifting through your mind, you almost missed the other name that Richie had called you, aside from Mars Bar. Carmy's favorite girl.

-----

Richie had barged into the kitchen with full vigor, slamming open the swinging door dangerously close to a nearby Tina.

"Cousin!" He moved through the different chefs' stations until he got to Carmen's, who was wrapped up in prepping and quite frankly had learned to tune out the sound of Richie's yelling for his own health. "Yo, Cousin!"

Richie boisterously grabbed a hold of Carmen's shoulders, rocking him a little and moving his hand that wielded a knife, cutting diagonally into beef he'd been pre-slicing.

"Shit," Carmen cursed, irritation forming. "What the hell is it, Cousin?"

Richie just laughed, a mind never paid to Carmen's annoyance. "Yea, you're pissed at me now, Carmy, but you're gonna think I'm pulling your dick when I tell you who's at the fucking register right now."

With a forever-present dull headache, Carmen sighed and shifted his focus to him, putting down his knife on the counter. He gestured a hand out to him. "Who's at the register, Rich-"

"The fucking love of your life, that's who!"

Richie gave Carmen a playful punch in the arm, but he remained unphased, a frown etched on his features. "See, what the fuck are you talking about? I don't have a love of my-"

"Two words, Cousin. Mars Bar."

Richie was right. Those two words really did do something to him.

"She- ... she's here?"

He rubbed his jaw, brain short-circuiting for a second as he tried to make sense of Richie's words. His eyes bore into Richie's never-serious ones, trying to grasp onto whether or not he was, just this one time. If he was messing with him, he didn't think he'd be able to take it.

"Yes, bro!" Yelled Richie, patting him on the back. "I swear to you. She's here, and hot as balls, too."

He squinted his eyes at him with a twinge of disgust, slightly shoving him to the side to get towards the door. He still didn't know if he believed it. You'd been traveling abroad on some grant that he, to be honest, didn't know much about. But you were doing great things. He couldn't guess why you'd come back to The Beef, of all places.

When he saw you through the window, he was lucky he was hidden behind the safety of the kitchen door because he couldn't control the way his body and mind froze at the sight of you. He took in the way your smile beamed out into the room as you spoke with Sydney, warm and unignorable, and he could've sworn something changed in the chemical makeup of his brain. Something that had his eyes widening and his feet planted in their place.

"What'd I tell you?" Richie's voice from behind him knocked him out of his trance. There was a smug, amused edge to his voice. "Now go and talk to her."

Carmen put a hand out, shooing him away. "I will. I just," he stopped, trailing off as he took in the way you truly seemed to glow after all the time spent away. He liked how it looked on you.

"Aww, don't tell me you're nervous now, Carm." Richie put his arms on Carmen's shoulders.

"Shut the fuck up." He shoved Richie off of him with a grimace, but his eyes never left you, jaw clenching as he followed your movements. "I'm not."

The pit in his stomach told him otherwise. He ignored the feeling, determined, and took in a breath before opening the kitchen door to the front of the restaurant, to where you stood.

At the sound of the door swinging open you finally turned your attention to him, lips coming to part with a subtle inhale that somehow left you feeling breathless.

"Carmen." You said his name with a grin, eyes lighting up, heart picking up its pace in your chest. You ran over for a quick, thoughtless hug that left his body partly on fire when you pulled away just as fast.

"Mars Bar." He uttered the old nickname endearingly, his voice cracking at the end of his words for some reason. He cleared his throat. "You're uh- you're here. In Chicago."

"Woah," Richie interrupted, coming in from behind, boisterous. "We've got a genius in The Beef, everybody!"

Sydney snorted from somewhere in the distance, but you couldn't even laugh because you'd been too busy staring at the way Carmen ran his hand through his golden hair that had been unruly since you were practically kids and still was.

"Yeah," you breathed, cringing at how awkward your voice sounded to your own ears. "I'm here."

The two of you held onto each other's gazes for a beat too long, scanning over the other wordlessly, taking in the changes that the years apart had brought.

"Well, uh," Carmen started, licking his lip to find strings of coherent words. "Do you wanna come into the office? Catch up?"

You nodded with a pleased tug of your lips. "Yeah, sure Carmen."

He nodded too and led the way, arm delicately resting on your upper back for a second in a way that left his fingertips buzzing, alive.

You entered the room after he did, the desk and walls littered with papers and sticky notes of different colors, an overload to the senses. It was stuffy, even with the door left open.

Before he turned to face you, he clumsily sorted some papers that'd been sitting on a wooden chair into stacks and pushed them onto the highest shelf above his desk so you could sit down, his white t-shirt slightly tugging upwards as he reached. Your eyes subtly followed the movement, eyes glancing steadily over a part of his lower abdomen that you felt alarmed at even sneaking a peak. That and the muscles that showed clearly from the short sleeves of his shirt.

God, you'd only been back in Chicago for a few days and your mind was already doing that thing it always did when you were around Carmen, like it didn't have the ability to think straight or act rationally when he was around.

"So, uh," Carmen started, turning his focus back to being one hundred percent on you. It became hard to concentrate when he did that, because he had the most piercing blue eyes you'd ever seen and you found over the years that they'd always had more than just one emotion swimming around in them. As you looked into them now, you still came up short in identifying them.

"What are you doing back in Chicago?" He looked at you like you were a puzzle, one he couldn't give up on solving. "Did the studies abroad finally start to bore you?"

"Yeah, they did," you joked, looking down at your lap. "Not really much to do in Europe compared to this place, you know?"

Carmen let out a wisp of a laugh, nodding, while also noting somewhere in the back of his mind that this was the first time he'd laughed in at least a few days. Your presence could always do that to him; Put him at ease when nothing else truly could.

"And, of course, I could only go so long being separated from the Berzattos."

He laughed again. That made twice. "Oh yeah?"

You nodded, playful in your words.

"I mean it." You did.

You let a comfortable silence nestle between the two of you, feeling the upward tug of your lips that you could only blame on Carmen. The thought left something alighted in your chest

"Seriously though." You say up a little straighter in your seat. "I guess the real reason I stopped by was because I was wondering if I could help out around here for a little while, now that I'm back home."

At this, the smile that had been resting on Carmen's face began to weaken.

"What?" His forehead creased, eyes dancing across your face with curiosity and disguised panic of his own.

Sensing his change in mood, you hurriedly continued. "I'll be home for a while and, you know, I just figured me getting a job here would be convenient and-"

"No."

You stopped mid-sentence, zeroing in on the man before you. "No?"

He had one hand leaning against the desk, the other's fingertips pressed to his forehead, head cast down, eyes evading yours.

"No, I- I'm sorry, Mars. We're ... we're not hiring right now. We don't need any new workers." At that, you frowned, taking in the tension in Carmen's stance and the tightness in his voice.

"I know The Beef is hiring right now, Carm." You gave him a disbelieving look. "In fact, I got the idea to work here from the flyers Sydney put up everywhere, so don't try and tell me you're not looking for new job applicants." You took a step closer to him, sensing something wrong and confused as to why he would lie, but he only seemed to be growing more agitated, shifting his posture upwards and no longer leaning on the table.

"That was a mistake, alright? I didn't ask her to do that. The Beef is doing perfectly fine, we don't need any extra help." Something sour was rotting in the undertones of his voice, the way he said the word help as if the thought of it was repellent.

"I didn't mean anything by asking. I ... I know you guys are doing fine, probably great even, I was just thinking that maybe I could-"

"We don't need any new fucking hires, Mars." He slammed his hand down on the desk, his tone raising so abruptly that it had you taking a step back in surprise.

When you looked up at him with alarm in your eyes, immediately his eyes began to soften, regret flooding through them. You held his gaze until those same eyes became taken over with this sudden guilt, almost sadness, flickering downwards towards his hands that moved to rest on his office desk, away from you.

You took a second to scan over the desk that was littered with papers and unsigned documents. It wasn't like Carmen to be unorganized, you knew that much. He had to be in a bad place to have his office look like this. Or, rather, Mikey's old office.

The room was a sensory overload, every inch of it a reminder of Mikey. Anyone would go crazy spending their days in here. Especially if that someone had been his little brother.

Carmen rubbed his hands over his face. You took a step next to him, resting a hand on his shoulder that lit aflame from the heat he gave off.

"For what it's worth," you started softly, and Carmen had to fight a shiver at how close your voice was to him. "I miss Mikey too."

He didn't make any movement to turn towards you, his jaw clenched and eyes still staring downwards. He didn't know what made you feel like you had to say that to him. He didn't need to look at you, though, to know you truly meant it.

"You can't work here," he said, his voice sounding defeated and a little far away. "I'm sorry."

Something restless in your heart was determined to make you fight back, figure out why Carmen was refusing you without a good reason. But something else inside of you softened at the way Carmen wouldn't meet your eyes, seeming guilt-stricken, and decided to back down. The hand that had been resting on his shoulder gave him a final squeeze.

You took your leave for the office door without Carmen moving an inch.

"Bye, Carm." Your voice was unfairly soft towards him, even if he felt like he didn't deserve the kindness that thrummed from your heart. "It was nice seeing you." You paused. "I've missed you."

Before he could turn to say goodbye, somehow communicate the 'I've missed you too' that he'd been meaning to express since he'd seen you, you had already turned down the hallway, out of sight. He knew for sure, then, that you didn't deserve that response from him. But he just didn't know how to tell you. How to explain without sounding ridiculous why alarms sounded in his brain at the thought of you working at The Beef.

He'd always known that you were destined for more than just the life you'd shared with him as kids, where you scored straight A's and were one of the top in your class. When you'd left for college while he stayed put, he didn't even let himself miss you, because he'd just wanted what was best for you. And when you furthered your studies even after college, traveling abroad, he knew that was the life you were meant for. To see you stopping all of that to work at The Beef, the place where his brother's dreams had become nothing but dead ends as time went on, wouldn't settle right inside of him.

Worst of all, he had visions of you working in the kitchen, behind the scenes where tensions were constantly overwhelming, of him losing his cool in front of you and you seeing a side of him he tried to keep you far away from. You'd always known the youngest brother Carmy, the world-class chef Carmy, the one who was at his best around you. He couldn't imagine what he would do if suddenly he revealed the Carmy he tried to hide; the Carmy who worked at The Beef, a bundle of unstable frustration who was barely hanging on, the Carmy who still didn't know how to live life without Mikey but who melted from your touch, who wanted more from the girl who'd been at his side for so many years as nothing but a friend, and a great one. He couldn't risk losing that.

Especially not with the condition of The Beef at the moment, which needed his full focus. Having you around would definitely not allow for that. So he convinced himself that this was for your own good. For his own good.

When you rounded the corner back out into the front of the restaurant, Richie was still there behind the counter, holding a phone to his ear.

You smiled at him a little tiredly and silently waved goodbye, walking towards the door.

Richie frowned, removing his focus from the phone call. "Where the hell are you leaving to so fast?" You spun around. "Don't tell me Carmy scared you off already."

You laughed awkwardly and thought of what to say, but must have taken too long to answer because Richie's face was already contorting with an over-the-top grimace.

"What'd that moron say to you, huh?"

You put a hand out, trying to calm him. "Richie, it's nothing, really-"

He was already stalking off towards the office, muttering something about 'killing Carmen'. You shook your head to yourself, because you knew how headstrong both of them were, and turned towards the exit. And, as you finally opened the glass door to leave, you could hear yelling and shouted vulgar words coming from the office. You didn't stay long enough to listen.

You didn't know what to think when it happened. You'd been sitting at home all weekend, alone, and honestly truly bored and wondering if coming back home was the right choice when your phone started ringing. You checked the screen and it was an unknown caller, but boredom had you picking it up anyway.

Mars Bar!

"Hello? Who is this?"

It's me.

"..."

Richie.

"Ohh ... right. How did you get my number again?"

I asked around. Anyways, it doesn't matter. I'm supposed to be telling you that you're gonna start work tomorrow.

"What? Start work? Where?"

At The Beef. C'mon Mars catch up with me here.

"Sorry, I'm just ... confused. Carmen told me you guys weren't hiring and that he couldn't give me a job?"

Oh, that. Don't worry about Carmy. I set that moron straight.

"What are you saying?"

I'm saying, you got the job kid!

"Richie, are you fucking with me right now?"

No! Why does everyone always think I'm fucking with them? I'm fucking serious hon.

"Okay, okay! I ... I believe you. I think."

You better! Carmy is really fucking stoked to have you work here, I mean it.

"He ... he is?"

Sure! So I better see your ass Monday morning, capeesh?

"Y-yea I guess so."

Your heart really should not have fluttered the way it did when Richie told you that Carmen was supposedly excited to see you. He hadn't sounded like it when you'd brought it up to him. In fact, he seemed strangely opposed to the idea, like you'd hit a sensitive area.

You weren't sure if you could really believe Richie. Like you'd always known, Carmen was stubborn as hell. The change of heart was unexpected, to say the least. You didn't know what to think. You still didn't know, as you walked through the front entrance of The Beef the next day, ready to start work. The only person to greet you at the front was Richie, standing behind the counter, per usual.

"Cousin!" He gestured you over. You greeted him back and rounded the corner to stand behind the counter next to him, unused to the feeling after spending years on the other side of it.

Richie spent at most two minutes giving you a rundown of what you'd be doing at The Beef, merely distracted by some yelling in the kitchen. The brief directions consisted mostly of taking orders and ringing a bell. A real challenge.

"Yeah, so that's basically it." He gave you a pat on the back and your front almost hit the counter at the impact.

"No paperwork or formalities or anything?" You were almost suspicious of the fast speed at which this had all happened. Richie whipped his head around like you'd stated something crazy.

"Formalities? C'mon, what are we, the fucking White House? This is a family business, Cousin."

He patted you on the shoulder roughly. "Thanks, Richie," you said, both slightly amused and slightly unnerved. You tapped your fingers on the marble countertop, trying to seem casual. "Where's um ... where's Carmy?"

Richie scratched his head. "He's, uh, he's busy. He'll be out soon. Don't you worry, shortcake." He gave you a wink that you didn't know what to do with and turned back towards the kitchen. You were gonna have to talk to him about those nicknames in the workplace sooner or later.

You called out to him before he left into the kitchen, hesitant. "You're sure Carmen said he wants me to work here, right?"

Your eyes bore into Richie's for a moment, and it was almost like you could see the thoughts in his head visibly swarming about. His shoulder raised. "Well, he didn't exactly say he wanted you to, but anyone with fucking eyes can see that he wants you-"

"Richie!" Your jaw hung open in utter annoyance and bafflement. He frowned at you.

"What?"

You almost scoffed. "Did Carmen really not say it was okay for me to work here?" You looked around, bewildered. "Does he even know I'm here?"

Richie gestured his hands out to you. "Sure he does!"

You could tell just from his tone what your answer was. You put a hand on your hip, shaking your head to yourself. "I'm going in there to talk to him."

"No!" Richie's eyes widened. "No. Just calm down, and I'll talk to him."

You stared at him disbelievingly. He stared back at you challengingly with the confidence only Richie could have. "I'll be back in no time. I know what I'm doing, trust me."

Richie didn't know what he was planning on doing when he opened the door to the kitchen in search of Carmen. He just hoped he wasn't using a knife when he found him.

He turned a few corners before Carmen was in his line of view, hunched over the counter as he worked busily on something Richie couldn't see. He leaned against the counter next to him, watching Carmen as his focus didn't even falter.

"Carm."

He didn't get a reply, just the back of Carmen's head as he focused on reading the piece of paper in front of him, hand braced against the shining surface it lay on.

"Carmy."

The man in question slowly shifted his focus to the man next to him, whose distracting presence had become impossible to ignore. "What? What is it?"

Richie peered down at him. "Promise that you won't get mad."

Carmen's eyes narrowed. "What the hell did you do?"

"Just promise me you won't fucking blow up at me like you always do."

"Why would I promise that if I don't even know what the hell you did?"

Richie tipped his head back exasperatedly. "Just say you promise!"

"I fucking promise! Okay?" Carmen ran a hand through his hair, moving it again to cross his arms. "Now, what is it?"

Richie paused, kicking out his foot and casually peering down at it with feigned interest. "Mars Bar is outside right now. Again."

Carmen's forehead creased and he looked over at Richie with sudden alarm. "What? Why? Is she okay?"

Richie gave him a knowing look, smug for a moment. "Yeah, she's fine." He shrugged. "I just, um, might have given her a job here up at the register."

Carmen's face was unmoving, his tone raising with poorly hidden anger. "You what?"

"And I might've also told her you really wanted her to work here."

Carmen's eyes scanned Richie's sporadically like he couldn't process his words fast enough. "Wh- Why the fuck would you do that? I already told her no-"

"Yeah, and I told her yes. Because you're an idiot and I'm saving your ass. You're welcome!"

Carmen ran a hand through his hair exasperatedly. "For what? Fucking me over?"

"I did not fuck you over, Carm, I'm doing this for you!"

Carmen shook his head, anger bleeding its way through his mind. "What the hell are you talking about? I told you, Richie, I don't want her anywhere near this place. I- I thought that was understood."

"No, it was not fucking understood because it was a stupid idea." Carmen let out a scoff as Richie put his hands out to Carmen in a calming gesture. "This is a good thing, trust me."

Carmen sputtered. "How the fuck is it-"

"Shut the fuck up and listen to me, Carm!" Richie shouted, bravely putting a hand up in front of Carmen's face. He pointed his finger at him which Carmen regarded with annoyance. "You need to stop being a moron and pushing away every single fucking female that tries to come within ten feet of you, alright?"

Carmen's brows furrowed even further, confusion building alongside anger. "I really have no goddamn idea what your point is here, Richie, but this has nothing to do with-"

"Oh spare me, Cousin!" He shouted. "We all know you've had the hots for Mars Bar over there since you were kids, alright?"

Carmen's mouth clamped shut immediately at this, his breathing coming out in fumes. He shook his head back and forth.

"Is this what this whole fucking thing is about, you jagoff?"

"Woah woah woah!" Richie cut in. "I am not the jagoff here, Cousin. I'm helping you out!"

"Richie's right, Carm," cut in Fak from behind, appearing suddenly out of nowhere like he always seemed to.

"Shut the fuck up, Fak!" Carmen held his head in his hand, trying to grab hold of his temper that he could feel slipping out of control. He needed to breathe.

"She can't work here."

Richie raised his arms in a shrug. "Well, you're gonna have to go tell her that yourself."

"I fucking will."

Carmen stormed off towards the kitchen door, ready to tell you yet again that you had to leave, a daunting thought overlooked thanks to adrenaline. Richie chuckled from behind him. "Yeah right, like you're gonna fire her."

Carmen didn't let himself listen to Richie any longer. Fists clenched at his sides, he opened the door and there you were, standing there, looking confused and a little surprised with parted lips.

Richie came up from behind and patted him on the back. "Go on, Carm. Tell her."  You watched as Carmen's jaw clenched.

Carmen really wanted to tell you that you couldn't work here. That you had to go home. That you had to run far away from this place and go back to studying abroad and being more successful than any of them and all of that bullshit. Maybe it was because your eyes were shining a little too bright in the restaurant lighting, or that they looked a little too hopeful as they stared back at him with raised brows, waiting. But he didn't say anything of those things.

"You..." he started. Your eyebrows raised further. His palms suddenly became sweatier. He took a breath in.

"You, um," a beat passed. He licked his lip. "You're gonna need an apron."

Your eyes lit up even more if possible, and he thought his heart would give out. Then, you ran up and threw your arms around his neck in a tight hug, and he genuinely questioned if his brain had short-circuited because, by the time he came back to reality, you'd already pulled away and were practically jittering with excitement from in front of him.

"Thank you so much, Carm." Every time you smiled at him in that way he felt himself lose a bit of control. He didn't like the feeling. "You won't regret it."

He smiled back at you because he couldn't not. He wasn't so sure.

Carmen had given you your apron. When he'd handed it to you, you'd brushed fingers and your heart skipped a little beat at the contact. That had been the most eventful thing to occur within the next four days.

You'd done practically nothing at The Beef all week. There'd been a noticeable lack of customers coming into the restaurant to take orders, and those who did oftentimes came in just to see Richie, which had you leaning against the counter waiting and listening to their loud conversations with the man.

It felt like there was some sort of prank being played on you. Surely they wouldn't pay you money for doing absolutely nothing. All the waiting around doing close to nothing made you antsy, frustrated, and confused.

You'd been meaning to address this to Carmen, to ask what you were doing wrong, but getting a hold of him was near impossible. You'd seen so little of Carmen that you couldn't even be sure he came into work most days, the only confirmation being his shouts coming from the kitchen at the others. As embarrassing as it was to admit, you became jealous of them. You'd take Carmen shouting orders at you in the kitchen any day over him saying nothing to you at all. It almost felt like he was avoiding you.

It was a Thursday night, and the antsy feeling inside of you had you staying late at work that night, wiping down tables with an intense amount of fervor.

You'd thought you were the last one in The Beef. It'd been dark for hours, but you had nobody and nothing exciting waiting for you at home, so working a little extra couldn't hurt. And, if it made Carmen notice your position at The Beef at least a little bit, it would be worth it.

As your thoughts drifted to the man, something made a noise from the kitchen, and it became apparent to you that maybe you weren't the only one working late that night.

"Hello?" You'd said aloud, your voice slightly echoing in the vacant restaurant. No response was returned. You slowly went back to scrubbing down a table against the far wall from the kitchen door when it swung open, and there stood Carmen Berzatto in his patchwork wool jacket, looking like seeing you was the last thing he'd expected.

The sight was jarring to you for a number of reasons. You jumped up speedily and tucked the rag you'd been using to clean tables slightly behind you as if he hadn't already seen you using it.

"Mars Bar?" He said, the nickname falling easily from his lips like it was the only one he'd ever known you by. He eyed your tense stance.

"Hey, Carmen." Your smile was just as unnatural. His eyebrows pulled downward at you, eyes squinting and blinking confusedly in the dim lighting like he was fighting sleep.

"What are you doing here so late?" You nibbled at your own lip. Carmen, even from across the room, made sure to follow the movement. You noticed him eye the rag in your hands.

"I was just cleaning off some of the umm ... some of the tables." You didn't know why you sounded so embarrassed. You also didn't know what was going through Carmen's mind as he looked over you, and then over the spotless tables behind you.

"Wow," he began, running a hand through his hair. "You really didn't have to do all this. It's not ... it's not part of your job, you know?" A feeling bitter and stale simmered inside of you.

"I know." You stood up straighter. "Maybe I just wanted to.

You wanted to say more in the moment, tell him all of your frustrations, but you didn't. You just stared back at him and watched as he walked towards where you stood by the tables. You didn't move an inch.

His eyes surveyed the tops of the tables and he marveled at how clean they were. Not just clean, but almost sparkling, even in the low lighting that came from a single overhead lamp and the streetlights from outside.

"You did a great job, Chef."

Your eyebrows raised unintentionally. He'd never called you that before, though you'd heard the name from his lips aimed at others countless times. He noticed your reaction.

"What?" He asked, eyeing you curiously. He leaned back against the table next to you, his beautiful stare almost becoming a little too much for you after a long day. You shrugged.

"Nothing. It's just," you paused, "you've never called me that before."

His expression was slightly confused, slightly amused. "Well," he began, gaze shifting from the ground to you. "Now I do. You work here, don't you?"

The question settled uncomfortably in your chest, and you let out a laugh that sounded just as strained. "Hardly."

Carmen's eyebrows flashed downwards in a quick frown. "What do you mean 'hardly'?" You felt his eyes scanning your face, scanning you. "What's up?"

You went back to rubbing at the corner of a nearby table with your rag if only to distract yourself from Carmen's gaze and the petty way your words sounded coming from your lips.

"I mean," you began. "It feels like I haven't really done much of anything around here, you know?" When he didn't say anything back, you continued. "I've only taken a handful of customer's orders in the past couple of days. And, I know I'm not the best cook in the world but I could definitely help out in the kitchen with something. Maybe I could cut up some stuff, or prep it, or whatever you guys call it. Anything, really."

He didn't say anything right away, and you became horrified that you'd pushed his buttons too many times in the last week with your rants and that he'd finally send you on your way once and for all. Then, you heard something like a laugh come from him. You reeled back.

"Is something funny?" You asked, your tone uncharacteristically sour. He silenced his amusement and looked at you intently.

"You've always been such an overachiever, Mars."

You paused, then shook your head. "Oh please, we all know you're the ambitious one."

"No, not when we were kids," Carmen argued. "I was never great in school. You, on the other hand," he chuckled under his breath. "My mom would have me go check in on you whenever we hadn't heard from you on a night before a test. Make sure you weren't overdosing on coffee and pop."

You swore you could feel your heart beating in your chest at Carmen's revelation and the fondness in his voice.

"You know," Carmen began again, getting lost in memories. "I think my mom used to have this theory I'd marry you one day or something. Said you were the only girl who'd put up with my stubbornness."

Oh my God. Your head was spinning. Why was he saying this? He didn't know what the hell he was doing to you. Or your heartbeat, which was concerningly gaining speed. He never did.

All you could say was, "Oh?"

He laughed some more like this was something casual, something funny. You couldn't help but notice that forever present weight present in his eyes, though. Something he could never seem to shed.

"Yeah, well," Carmen began again, "my mother has also been mentally unstable for years, so." He jokingly trailed off, his voice dying in the silence, along with any butterflies you'd felt. You laughed quietly, even if laughing was the last thing you wanted to do when hearing that.

You felt like you were being suffocated. By him and his blue eyes and his dry, self-deprecating jokes and the small quirk of his lips. You were also getting restless because you'd started off trying to talk with Carmen about your job, and now were getting lost in the haze of your feelings for him which you decided were useless and would get you nowhere. You cast them aside the best you could and looked him directly in the eyes.

"Carmen," you said. His attention focused directly on you. "Did you listen to any of the things I said about working here?"

He nodded. "Yeah," he assured you. "Of course."

"So, will you take them into consideration? Let me do more, Carmen. I can do more."

There was a beat of silence. He fidgeted, like he did when he was a boy and couldn't focus in class, or when he was nervous around a girl he'd liked. Nervous around you.

He wanted to say yes. Hell, he would've given you anything you'd asked for just to see you happy. But he didn't know what the consequences of giving you a more important role at The Beef would achieve. What it might stop you from achieving. What it might do to him. So, he didn't say anything. Not anything direct.

"I know you can, Mars." He exhaled and then put his hands in his pockets, eyes cast down. He glanced at his watch. "It's almost midnight. We can talk about this more in the morning. Okay?"

His response was like a smack in the face. A sharp pain that left a dull ache. You let a breath out and tried to keep your face from revealing your stubborn frustration. You slowly nodded. "Okay."

Even if you tried to contain your emotions, Carmen could see it. He noticed it in the quick flare of your nostrils as you breathed, in the slight clench of your jaw. Stupidly, he asked, "Is that okay?"

You weren't looking at him. You were looking at your feet. You tapped your foot once. "Yes."

Even more stupidly, he asked, "Are you sure?"

You finally shifted your focus to him and he felt his own jaw clench at the way it sent a rush down his spine.

"Yeah, Carmen." That was the first time he didn't like the way you said his name.

"Alright," he said, nodding slowly, lifting his bag higher on his shoulder.

"Alright."

You lifted the rag from the table, stood there for a second, and walked towards the counter, where you wrung it out and slapped it down into a bucket full of other dirty rags, and left it there. You didn't feel much like putting it away.

Carmen hadn't moved and just stood there by the tables, watching as you collected your coat from behind the counter and turned off the lights as you walked past.

When he saw you walking towards the door, he rushed to get there first, to open it for you. You beat him to it, opening it yourself. He closed it and locked the door behind him. You both were engulfed by the dull chill of the air right away, and you couldn't help but shiver.

Carmen turned to you. "Let me drive you home." He didn't dare offer you a lighthearted smile or anything of that sort. He didn't think he had it in himself to be lighthearted, anyways.

You gifted him a polite one with a short tug of your lips. "I have a car. Thanks."

Carmen could've smacked himself right there. "Right." He didn't know what was wrong with him. "Sorry." The apology was for more than just his assumption, but he couldn't bring himself to clarify.

"I'll walk you to your car then?" He asked, though you knew no matter what you said he'd make sure you'd get to your car safely either way.

"Okay, yeah."

You both turned to walk to your car, Carmen letting you take the lead for a moment before catching up to walk side by side with you. You were hit with the reality that Carmen Berzatto was walking you to your car, alone with you, at midnight. A small gesture that had your mind buzzing from the contrast between your love for him and your frustration with him. Nobody had come close to making you feel the emotions Carmen made you feel, even if no words were shared between both of you on that short walk. It felt completely silent. Somehow, even if the streets of Chicago were anything but, it felt silent.

Carmen thought about how his life was full of silent moments, never saying what he truly wanted to, to the people he wanted to speak to the most. When he noticed you were cold, even through your jacket, he walked a little closer to you. Whether you noticed it or not, he didn't know, but at least it soothed a small part of his mind that was blaring that night, telling him that he'd fucked up with you. That you deserved better. He couldn't help but think that same thing when he was around you, all the time.

You'd both crossed the street to reach your car in not even a full minute, but the walk had felt eternal to you. When you turned to Carmen to tell him goodnight, he was already looking at you intently. You wanted to ask what he was thinking, but you didn't, and unlocked your car.

"See you in the morning, Carmen," you said, tone unrevealing. He gave you his best neutral smile.

"Yeah. See you, Mars."

You went to open your car door, but this time he beat you to it. Even if he made you angry, he was still Carmen.

You watched as he rounded the front of your car back to the sidewalk, hands in his pockets, soft breathing visible in the cold from the white puffs it made in the air as he breathed.

You gave him one last wave as a goodbye, but by that time he was pretty much out of vision, and then drove away.

He watched your car drive down the street, stop at the light, turn the corner, and then glide out of view.

Immediately, he knew he should've said more on the walk to your car. He should've at least apologized. He didn't tell you that he was sorry for being so shitty. He didn't tell you he appreciated everything you did. He also didn't tell you his car was parked on the opposite end of the street.

And as he walked back to it, crossing The Beef again with its spotless tables, he thought about nothing except you.

The next morning had you waking up with a headache that only worsened when you stepped foot into The Beef. Your coworkers were shouting and blurting out orders in typical kitchen lingo that you honestly didn't fully understand.

There seemed to be an underlying tension simmering in the air that morning that had everyone's voices raised just a little bit more than usual, echoing through to you from your designated spot behind the front counter.

You figured out soon that that tension came from the review of The Beef that had been put in the paper the night before. It was the same topic that had Sydney and Richie arguing back and forth for minutes on end next to you.

"So this is a war on poor people?" You heard Richie ask as you finally tuned back into their yelling. "I see you."

"No," Sydney yelled back. "This is a war on you shutting the fuck up and learning how to use the tablet! The end dude."

"What is the end?"

You turned to your left to see Carmen stride out of the kitchen, looking every bit intense, shoulders hunched and rigid. He glanced at you in some form of a greeting for only a second before putting himself between Richie and Sydney and somewhat settling their argument.

"Are we ready?" He asked them with a rushed tone.

"No!" Sydney snapped, but headed back into the kitchen with Richie, even if you could see she wanted to punch the man in the face.

You turned back around to watch Carmen as he hurriedly ran a hand through his hair and started to rush back into the kitchen. You tried to catch his eyes, but he didn't meet your gaze.

"Um, Chef?" You tried to call, reaching out an arm to get his attention just a hair too late, him brushing past you without taking notice of you.

"Carmen?" This time he turned around, head flipping around to focus on you with eyes shot wide in the rush.

"What's up?" He asked, eyes quickly assessing your face. For a second you forgot what you were supposed to be asking.

"Did you, um, think about what I said last night?" He blinked back at you. "You said we'd talk about it in the morning, so, could we maybe talk about it?"

With the way he stared back at you, for a second you could've sworn he'd forgotten what you were talking about. Then, it had clearly dawned on him and he squeezed his eyes shut for a second, holding out a hand to his head.

"No, yeah, right." He thought for a second, and then looked around, peeking into the kitchen, attention clearly spread elsewhere.

"Sorry," he said quickly. "Can we just ... talk about this another time?"

You tried not to show your frustration. "Like when?"

"Uh," Carmen started, but he was already backing into the kitchen. A loud clanging noise of pots and pans rang through to the front, and his focus was completely lost. "Who the fuck keeps denting my pans, Chefs?!" He shouted. He threw the kitchen door open and moved to go inside, but not before calling out "We'll talk later, Chef!" and disappearing into the kitchen.

You groaned. "Later," could mean any time between that day and Easter. You didn't want to blame Carmen. You knew he was extremely busy and tended to overwork himself. But something in the back of your mind told you he was avoiding you. You didn't like the feeling.

It'd only been maybe an hour into the day when all hell started to break loose in the kitchen. At least from what you could hear. There was three times as much yelling as usual and people were weaving through the station by the front counter and the kitchen, shouting sandwich orders. Meanwhile, you felt lost and unhelpful, with no direct answer as to what was going on.

You'd spent your time filling up the napkin dispenser and cutting green tape, feeling your uselessness in your bones. Maybe Carmen was right. Maybe you were overly ambitious. That didn't change the fact that now it seemed like not just Carmen, but everyone else had gone out of their way to keep you away from the kitchen.

You'd thought about going in there anyway, but thought better of it when listening to the commotion. That was, until you saw Marcus with his bags taking his leave towards the exit, a look of both anger and defeat on his face.

"Woah, Marcus," you called out with furrowed brows. "What's wrong? Where are you going?"

He let out a quick breath from his nose that sounded like it was supposed to be a wry laugh. He pointed towards the back. "Anywhere but in that kitchen." You frowned and he shook his head. "He's losing his shit, man."

You were confused and looked to him for more of an explanation, but he was already walking out the door and it didn't seem like he had any plans of coming back. You wanted to ask him "who?", but you had a sinking feeling in your gut telling you that you already knew just who he meant.

That and the loud "Fuck!" that came from the other side of the wall was the last push you needed to finally storm into the litchen. As soon as you walked in, it was a complete overload to your senses. The sounds and smells of sizzling food, the clunky buzzing of timers, and an argument at practically every corner. What had you reeling to a stop, though, was the sight of Carmen shouting truly throat-tearing orders, face turning red with exertion, hair damp from sweat, skin gleaming in the sight.

"Can somebody get me a Sharpie that fucking works?!" he screamed while whipping a Sharpie out of his hand and onto the ground. Your eyes widened at the sight.

"Woah," you said aloud, not even meaning to say the word but being unable to stop yourself. When you did, Carmen's focus switched onto you in a second and you could see the pure chaos held behind his eyes.

"Wh- what the fuck are you doing in here?"

You frowned at his abruptness. "I just wanted to know what the hell is going on in here-"

"Nothing is going on in here."

Someone laughed from around the corner and about three more timers began to buzz and beep.

"Oh please, I've been hearing screaming for hours and then I see Marcus storming out of here with his things saying you've lost it."

At that, Carmen paused, eyes searching yours intently. "Marcus left?"

"Yeah," you answered steadily, unsure of how exactly he'd react. "It looked like he was quitting."

For a second, it looked like Carmen felt guilty, sad, but then he was fuming and slamming his hands down on the counter.

"Fuck!" He shook his head back and forth like he was rummaging through a thousand thoughts swirling around his head. He shouted again. "Fuck!"

You didn't like the sight before you, or the way Carmen seemed to be losing control of himself, and quickly. "Now can you tell me what the problem is?" You almost pleaded. "I could help."

Carmen hardly bothered to look you in the eyes and strode past you to reach the oven you'd been standing by, lifting the lid of a pot and adjusting the heat at lightning speed.

"You're not seriously ignoring me right now when I'm offering to help-"

He put up a hand. "I told you I'd talk with you later, Mars. Go back to the register."

You scoffed. "What the hell are you talking about? That's-" you shook your head. "I'm not leaving until I at least know what the fuck is going on."

"You wanna know what the fuck is going on?" Richie shouted out, laughing to himself loudly as he appeared from behind the corner. "Some moron left the pre-order option open on her beloved tablet overnight and now we're 250-something beefs behind schedule!"

Your head was spinning from the news and from the lack of air in the kitchen, but the yelling kept coming.

"Okay, well, the 'moron' is right here and she has a name, thank you," cut in Sydney, livid. "And there is no fucking way you are putting all the blame on me right now, Richie-"

"Who else's fucking fault is it sweetheart?"

"Richie, I swear to God if you call me that one more time-"

"Shut the fuck up!" Carmen's booming voice split the two of them apart. "Shut the fuck up and get back to work!"

They listened and went back to their stations angrily mumbling to themselves. That didn't change the fact that you knew the kitchen was in deep shit and Carmen was one wrong move away from losing his mind. You watched as he stormed around the kitchen to different stations. You'd be an idiot if you just stood at the register waiting for more nonexistent orders.

"Sydney," you called out as she passed by. "What can I do to help?"

She raised the corners of her lips in a slightly surprised smile and thought for a second.

"You can probably start by helping me with peeling these potatoes for now." She handed you a basket filled with potatoes and pointed towards a metal peeler on the counter. You quickly nodded.

"Okay, on it, Chef."

"Great. Oh, and-"

"Sydney, what the fuck are you doing?" yelled Carmen as he rounded the corner behind Sydney. He glanced angrily back and forth between you and the potatoes in your hands.

Sydney rolled her eyes. "What does it look like I'm doing, Chef? I'm getting us some very much necessary extra help."

"We don't need any fucking extra help right now!"

Sydney turned fully to face him. "Carmy what the fuck is your problem right now? Just let her fucking peel some potatoes!"

Carmen was breathing heavily, a vein in his neck visibly contracting."I told you guys she stays out front. I told everyone she's not supposed to-"

"Excuse me?" You asked, cutting in. He was talking about you like you weren't standing right behind Sydney, hearing his every shouted word. "Sydney's right. You need to stop getting so worked up about this!"

Carmen looked like he wanted to scream. To break out into shouts even louder than even those from this morning. You'd only seen Carmen worked up like this a few times before and even then he knew when he was taking things too far.

He didn't say anything back to you and just turned away.

"Someone just get her out of here!" He hollered, to anyone who'd listen. Anyone but you. Somehow, that was even more angering than his yelling.

"Hey!" You yelled, shoving his shoulder back to turn him to face you. He glanced down towards the same shoulder before looking back towards you. You saw something haughty flash behind his eyes as they stared back at you. "Whatever you need to say about me, you can say it to me, Carmen."

He was definitely speaking to you now.

"I need you to stay the fuck out!" He pointed a finger down at you. "You never fucking listen to me! I gave you this job because you fucking asked me to, because Richie fucking asked me to. So how about you finally listen to me and stay the fuck out?!"

You knew everyone had stopped to watch. It was quieter in the kitchen than it had been all morning.

You both stood standing there with heavy breathing. Your mind couldn't think of what to say back in that moment, but a thousand different responses played through your mind. Things you wanted to ask, to shout, to make sure he understood.

Your stare bore into Carmen's own for a few seconds, noticing the anger in them, but also something fragile threatening to shatter and reveal itself. He looked away from you quickly, bracing a hand on the counter.

"Leave, Chef." He said. You didn't need to be asked twice. Not that he was asking.

"Yeah," you laughed under your breath. You untied your apron and left it on the counter. "I definitely will."

He could call you Chef, but he wouldn't even let you enter the kitchen. He could yell at you, but he couldn't even look you in the eyes as you finally left the kitchen.

Another timer went off in the background as Carmen stood there, mulling over what he'd just done in his head; the one thing, most of all, he didn't want to happen.

Sydney shook her head, brushing past him. "Carmen Berzatto, you are a fucking idiot."

He didn't have anything to say, nothing to argue back with. He knew she was right. And as he heard the front door jingle as a sign of you leaving, he also knew just how badly he'd fucked up.

You didn't come to work the next day, or the day after that. Carmen never got to listen for the jingle of the doorbell as you came into work. He didn't get a single glimpse of you, those glimpses that were like caffeine shots, keeping him going every day. He didn't see your warm, familiar eyes that reminded him why he kept going in the first place. This was what he got for trying to keep you at arm's length. For being an asshole. The regret knawed at him painstakingly.

When the first hour went by and you didn't show up, he didn't need anyone to tell him that you wouldn't come into work that day. He had Richie cover the register in your place, an order shouted quickly as he was forced to think about things other than you. And as the day went on, the fact that he didn't know when he'd see you again was a heavy weight that lay in his chest, waiting to be addressed.

You awoke that morning in your apartment, phone lighting up beside you on your bedside table to four missed calls all from the same person. A person you didn't really feel like talking to much.

You checked the time and saw it was almost noon. It wasn't like you to sleep in. And, you hadn't called in sick to work. Not that it mattered.

The next day went the same. You hadn't called in sick that morning either, but you didn't have it in you to care. You didn't even know if you wanted to come back, but there was a twisting feeling inside of you that you knew wouldn't feel release until you settled things with Carmen. The hard part would lay in being upfront with him, not letting him make any excuses, and not letting yourself soften all because he was Carmen Berzatto. A battle between your pride and whatever you felt for him.

Carmen had called you two more times, but soon, the calls stopped coming. Carmen may have been an asshole at times, but he wasn't an idiot. In fact, he was extremely smart. And definitely smart enough to know that calling you repeatedly would get him nowhere, not when he'd been as awful as he had.

You'd spent the day driving around running errands that left you tired with boredom. The sun was setting as you walked back to your own front door, the air crisp and clear from the cold while your mind felt anything but. You reached your front doorstep and unlocked the entrance to your apartment, only to step forward and feel something crunch and mash underneath the heel of your shoe. You lifted your foot and glanced downward.

A candy bar. You peered down further. A Mars Bar.

Something inside of you paused. Maybe your heartbeat, maybe your thoughts. You weren't sure but you could feel it. The now half-smushed candy bar lay on the floor like a bittersweet memory.

You blinked. There was a note. It looked like it had been torn from the corner of something messily. More importantly, there was writing on it, in pencil, words pressed hard into paper.

I'm an asshole. You don't deserve that.

No name, but you knew who it was from. Not a "sorry" in sight, but you knew he was trying. You could almost feel the intent behind the words etched into the paper as you held it. You wanted to be furious still. And you definitely were mad. But maybe not as much. Because you knew Carmen.

You knew he had the temper of someone who'd just lost a brother, of someone who'd grown up in a screaming Berzatto household in the heart of Chicago. You'd never taken his outbursts to heart and you didn't want to now. Besides. You knew, eventually, you'd miss him too much to ignore him.

So much for not giving in to Carmen Berzatto.

You didn't really know what plan you had when you walked back towards your car, sat down, placed the chocolate bar and note in your bag, and drove. You didn't think you had one. You just were aware that your days away from The Beef had been extremely boring and that you wanted to see Carmen. To hear what he had to say to you. Even if it didn't end the way you wanted.

The familiar path to The Beef stretched before you now as an uncertain one. When you got there, you tossed your bag over your shoulder and got out of your car to the sight of the lights off in the front of the restaurant. But, if you knew anything about Carmen, you knew he'd stay late. Your assumption was proven right when you entered through the unlocked door—a slightly concerning fact—and saw the harsh white light of the kitchen flooding through to the rest of the place.

You hesitated to enter, not sure if you really knew what you were doing, but ignored the thoughts plaguing you and walked carefully into the kitchen, waiting at the door when you saw him.

He faced mostly away from the door, from you, hunched over the counter doing something that had his full focus, enough of it that he didn't notice you at first. You saw he had a toothbrush in hand and that he was determinedly scrubbing at the silver countertop surface that already sparkled spotlessly. Clearly, he didn't notice or care.

It felt like you were holding your breath as you watched him, saw how focused he was, how the muscles in his back flexed and churned with each precise movement he made as he scrubbed at a nonexistent stain. Like he held a desire to erase more than just grime.

He did that for what felt like another minute without pause, and you watched the whole time wordlessly, not wanting to break the focus he had and not knowing what to say regardless. Part of you just wanted to watch him, to see how long he could keep at it without noticing you. It wasn't for too long.

He lifted his posture upright and ran a hand through his hair, inhaling deeply with little exhale as if something weighty was plaguing him. Then, he finally sensed your presence at the doorway, eyes flicking towards you as his moments came to a halt. You watched him part his lips as he thought about what to say.

He shakenly said your name, a fragile plea. The word was soft coming from his lips like he knew it well, but nestled in your brain with surprise as he called you by your real name, not just a nickname. You didn't know what to say, so you didn't say anything at all.

As he looked at you standing in the doorway, he felt exposed, like you could see through any walls he'd tried to build around himself. Words faltered from his brain. His lips parted again as if he was going to say something more, but they shut just as quickly and he ran a hand over his chin. He gestured that hand out to you.

"You uhm- did you get my note?"

You stared back at him for a beat before nodding and reaching into your bag. You held the note out in front of you, the side of your mouth quirking upwards. "Was this Carmen language for 'I'm sorry' ?"

You were half kidding and half serious, a test hidden in your words. The fact weighed on Carmen's brain, his demeanor more nervous than usual, more anxious.

"Yeah, uhm," he scrunched his eyes closed for a half second before walking towards you, taking the note from your hand and reading it to himself again, feeling the warm haze of shame creeping up on him. "Let me translate."

He read it once more. "Well, the 'I'm an asshole,' is pretty verbatim. I'm an asshole, and an idiot, and a bunch of other bad things." He glanced up at you from the paper and was relieved to see that you seemed at least a little amused. He continued. "And the 'You don't deserve that', you see, that's the good part, it translates directly to 'I'm sorry for yelling at you ' and 'it doesn't matter how stressed I was, I shouldn't have taken it out on you. That was wrong of me. And ... you're great.' "

Your eyebrows raised. "That's quite the translation."

Carmen laughed to himself breathily, but it held little amusement. "Yeah, I've been told communicating with me is like trying to tame a wild animal."

You smiled. "Who told you that?"

"Sugar."

Your laugh was warm and sounded like home. It was a feeling that left as fast as it came because soon the air between the two of you seemed to thicken with unspoken words and unresolved emotions. The heavy silence lay bare and neither of you decided to fill it right away.

"Carmen."

The way you said his name sent shivers down his spine, a sensation that never ceased to affect him. He nodded at you, eyes studying your face showing that you had his sole attention.

"I know you don't like the idea of me being here. You don't have to try and hide it." His eyes widened as you spoke."But, could you at least tell me why?"

He stared back at you, brows furrowed like he was confused. It was like you could see the gears turning in his brain as he fought to find the right wording, revealed by the stiffening mass of his shoulders that never seemed to relax.

"I don't not like you being here, Mars Bar." He spoke slowly. "I think it's great that you're back in Chicago. I ... We've missed you."

A subtle warmth lay in his gaze, but you couldn't help but feel it was dimmed by whatever emotion he'd been suppressing, the battle evident in flickers in the blue of his eyes.

"I want to believe that, but with the way you've been avoiding me, how can I?"

"Avoiding you- that's," he shook his head, almost seeming incredulous, and you watched as he swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing as he did. "I haven't been trying to avoid you."

You didn't know how he could sound surprised, how you could've interpreted the way he's acted all week as anything else. "Well that's definitely what it's felt like when I tried talking to you all week, and you're just ... I don't know, dismissive."

He rubbed a hand at the nape of his neck, focus pitched somewhere that wasn't at you, jaw tightening slightly. "I just ... it's busy around here trying to bring in enough money, and there have been a lot of different things that have my focus right now," he started, as if he hadn't, time and time again, had to remind himself to stop thinking about you.

"Carmen, I know you're busy but that-," you tried to keep your emotions from showing through your voice, but you were aware of the tinge of frustration that was slipping through. "I know that's only part of it. I just need you to be more transparent with me. I can't read your mind."

He nodded, silently thanking God that you couldn't. He swallowed again and you noticed a tremor in the way he held the note he'd written, a sign of unease that he quickly hid in the pocket of his jeans.

"I'll tell you anything you want to know." His blue eyes stared into yours, though you could sense the reluctance in his voice. "But I'm not gonna lie and say that I think it's a good idea for you to stay here."

You felt yourself frown, brows tugging downwards in frustration and confusion. "Why?"

His gaze faltered for just a moment, seeming torn, but he was quick to regain his momentum. "This place is ... it's not meant for someone like you."

You squinted at him, feeling a mix of disbelief and irritation. "Someone like me?"

"Yeah, I just mean," he hesitated, hearing the way you repeated his words, like they were meant to insult. "You were supposed to leave here and finish your studies abroad and achieve great things. Things bigger and better than this shit hole. You were gonna-"

"Carmen, stop." You almost scoffed to yourself. "My plans were always to stay close to home. A few months abroad weren't gonna change that." The air in the room seemed to thicken with the weight of the words you both shared, the thoughts never said allowed before. You noticed your breathing was becoming labored as you failed to understand the way Carmen's mind worked, the way he tried to communicate so much by doing so little.

"This whole time you were worried about me supposedly being meant to achieve great things, but what about you?" You let out a stunned laugh. "You're the one who studied with the best of the best, traveled all over, became a world-class chef and everything else, and now you're overworking yourself at this place and refusing help."

"Yeah, well, that part of my life stopped when Mikey gave this place to me as a final fuck you, so."

Your heart twinged not only at the name, but at the way Carmen's eyes flashed with hurt while his words could've cut stone.

"Mikey gave this place to you because he trusted you," you reasoned. You tried to make him come down from wherever he was, to detach himself from the hurt and open up. The hard plane of his shoulders lifted once in a shrug, with a small shake of his head as he stared at the ground.

"Yeah well, he just ended up fucking screwing me over."

Carmen's frustration seeped into his voice, the way he emphasized each word like he wanted to release whatever was simmering under the surface. You wanted to reach out, tell him that he could, but you held yourself back and stood up taller.

"That doesn't mean you should push people away from this place. Push me away. I could help out here. I saw how hectic it was the last time I was here and-"

"That day was a fluke," Carmen cut you off. "It's not usually like that..." his jaw worked. "I'm not usually like that." His words were laced with exasperation and a little bit of shame. You could tell he was struggling to keep his emotions in check.

"Carmen, I understand. But-"

"I already blew up at you." His voice cut into the air harshly. He looked away, his chest rising as he tried to control rising frustration. "I didn't mean to do that, I don't... I'm not gonna let that happen again." His words were starting to come out in a rush, escaping his control, something you knew never sat well with him.

"Well, that's my choice to make, Carmen, not one that you can make for me."

"Mars, The Beef isn't- you don't want to settle for this place, just trust me."

"How can I trust you when you've done nothing but push me away since I got here?" You heard the tremble that was growing in your own voice, a mix of hurt and anger. "You've told me a million times what I want and don't want. Have you ever stopped to ask me what I wanted? Seen my point of view?"

Carmen's breathing was picking up too, the crystals that were his eyes looking at you with a mixture of defiance and desperation. He ran a hand over his face.

"I've tried to see your point of view."

"Have you?" you snapped back.

"I gave you the job even though I knew it was a bad idea, I went against what I knew just because it was you and I let Richie convince me it was a good idea, and I am fucking done listening to Richie's ideas-" his breathing was becoming uneven as his emotions threatened to overwhelm him.

"Hey, Richie's done a lot more to help me since I've gotten back than you have, and a lot more listening!" Now you were yelling, and he was yelling and you didn't like the direction this was going.

"Yeah, well did Richie tell you this place was hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt when Mikey gave it to me? Did he tell you we probably couldn't even afford to pay you a decent fucking salary?"

You opened your mouth, expecting to be equipped with a response as fast as the ones that came before, but that didn't happen and you didn't say anything. You let your eyes scan Carmen, searching for a hint that he wasn't serious, but he looked wholeheartedly sincere and angered. In fact, he looked like he was fighting to even breathe steadily.

You looked at him concernedly, taking a step closer, but he just continued, laughing to himself without joy. "He didn't fucking tell you. Of course not."

His breaths were harsh, coming from his nose and lifting his chest repeatedly. His arms slapped down at his sides, hands trembling. "See, that's why I fucking told him I didn't want you anywhere near this crap hole, I fucking told him-"

His yelling stopped. He recoiled, backing up into the counter recklessly, a pot falling behind him with a clang that had you flinching. His vision was pointed downwards towards the ground, but he was frowning so hard you were sure he couldn't see anything at all, hand to his chest, gripping.

"Carmen?" You asked, alarm suddenly overtaking you and washing away whatever anger had been bubbling inside of you. "Wh- are you okay?"

It took him a second to even process what you'd said, another to respond. "I'm fine, I-" you put a hand on his shoulder to brace him, feeling how tense it was, feeling it trying to move with the effort of his shallow breaths. Panic, shame, embarrassment, everything, seemed to claw at his chest, constricting his breathing even more. "I just- fuck, I can't- I can't-"

"You can't breathe," you said, understanding what was going on now with another flash of alarm that you hid, trying to stay calm. He nodded shakily.

"Carmen," you said steadily. To him, the sound of your voice was distant, overshadowed by the sound of his heart pounding loudly in his ears, muffled the way voices sounded when from underwater. Carmen knew he wasn't underwater. You called his name again, and he did his best to hear it. "You're having a panic attack."

He managed to shake his head again. "I'm fine. I just- shit." His legs practically gave out from underneath him and he braced one hand on the table behind him, one on your shoulder.

The sight of Carmen collapsing to the ground had you wanting to release a sob, but instead, you threw Carmen's arm around you and somehow managed to take two steps towards a bucket that was on the floor against a near wall and got him to sit down on it unsteadily.

You took both of his hands in yours, noticing how his shoulders shook, how the bottom of his neck tinted red from the straining effort to breathe.

"Carmen," you called, kneeling down to his level and giving his hands a squeeze. His vision was blurred, staring downwards, but the hazy sight of his hands wrapped up in yours gave his mind a moment's peace before he was struggling to focus again.

You took a deep breath in, feeling selfish that you even could. "Carm, do your best to look at me." You purposefully slowed your words, spoke softly and clearly, and Carmen heard. You took one hand and rested it by his cheek, hair pooling into your fingers. You brushed it back, and ran your thumb across the rise of his cheekbone, lifting his face to look upwards at you. Even when his mind could hardly form coherent thoughts, your touch still affected him like no one else's.

Once his eyes were on you, you took the hand that was still holding his and placed both on your own chest, covering the area of warm skin close enough to feel your heartbeat. A tremor rolled through him, at your hand, at the way you felt, at your touch.

You. You were here, he thought, and that was a comfort to him in itself.

"Here," you said, pressing down gently but firmly on his hand. "Can you feel my heartbeat?"

Carmen tried, really tried, but his head wasn't focusing no matter what he did. You noticed his struggle right away, like he didn't even have to form words for you to know.

Hurriedly, you took off your jacket and threw it to the ground beside you. Carmen heard the sound of a zipper before his hand was taken in yours again and placed on your chest. This time, the underside of his hand felt warmer, closer to you, to skin.

"How about now?" you asked. His eyes were shut, and he really did his best to focus this time, tune into you, into the way your chest moved up and down beneath his hand, and with it, he heard the soft and steadying rhythm of your heartbeat.

"Yeah, I- I feel it."

You let yourself smile slightly, trying to take slow and deliberate breaths. "Carmen, I need you to do your best to match your breathing with mine." You looked at him and the way his features were scrunching with the effort of trying to listen to you. "Can you do that for me?"

He nodded. He'd do anything for you.

He focused on only his hand, yours, and you. Your chest underneath his palm, warm, and steadying, and alive. He felt it rise once, and fall, all in the time that he let out multiple staggering breaths.

The next time yours rose, he didn't let himself exhale until you did, taking in air from his parted lips and releasing it through his nose, feeling how the air spread thin throughout his body, a good feeling. He did that again, focused on the way his fingertips grazed bare skin, on the sound of your heart beating, in time with his now.

Behind the blank nothingness of his eyelids, scenes played out before him. Visions of his past, echos of familiar voices, spurts of color and light overtaking him.

Then, he thought of you, of the warmth of your gaze, even if he didn't deserve it. The shine of your skin, the way it looked soft even in the harsh light of the kitchen. Thoughts of you, you with him, years ago, months ago, and days, how he'd seen you for the first time in months, standing behind the counter with a smile sweet like the chocolate bars you'd always liked, the one he'd left at your doorstep, a weak attempt at salvaging one of the best relationships he'd ever known. He'd buy a million more if it meant you'd stay with him, by his side, like you'd been for years. Like you were now.

He didn't know how much time had gone by, but he opened his eyes and you were still there, still holding onto him, face looking calm but eyes swirling with emotion. With concern.

He felt fine now, his body having enough strength to support him, but he leaned into you regardless, head sunk down, resting in the place beneath your chin, on your chest. He wanted to get as close to your heartbeat as possible, not just feel it with his hand but surround himself with it.

You brought your hands up to envelop him, one resting on the white cotton covering the hard muscles of his back, rubbing it soothingly, the other coming up to rest in his hair again, gently brushing through the strands closest to the root as if to say I'm here, I have you.

You leaned your own head down to slightly rest on the back of his, mouth brushing against the crown of his head in a way so delicate he wasn't even sure he felt it. But you saw the way he melted into your touch, felt the way the muscles in his back slowly seemed to release tension at each caress. He needed to be held. But he was him, he'd never ask for it. But, you were you, and you'd always know.

You stayed like that for minutes more, though you would've held him all night if he needed it. When he sat back up, the whites of his eyes were tinted pink, and one of his cheeks was gleaming in the light, damp. You didn't comment on it. You didn't say anything at all but stood up from where you knelt and walked towards the counters, peeking underneath them until you found what you needed. You stopped at the sink and returned to your spot in front of Carmen with a plastic deli container filled with water in hand. You offered it to him wordlessly.

"Thank you," he said, taking it from you gingerly, but his voice was hoarse and he felt the red heat of embarrassment as he took large sips of the water, draining it halfway at once. A water droplet escaped from the side of the cup, dripping down his chin, and your eyes followed the movement until you felt guilty about it and stared down at your own hands. The two of you let the silence rest as it was, peaceful and healing, until you felt ready to break it.

"I'm sorry," you said, slightly a surprise for yourself to hear the words from your mouth, but you meant them. Carmen sat back up. "For pushing you to this point. I didn't mean to-"

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Carmen spoke quietly, voice somehow steady. "It- ... that wasn't your fault. It's happened before, when you weren't here."

You let your eyes scan over his face concernedly because he wasn't looking straight at you and you always felt the need to look after him, even if he wouldn't let you.

"This has happened before?" Carmen gave a weak shrug, like this wasn't something he thought about on his own, something he ever let occupy his focus.

"Something like it."

You made a breathy sound of disbelief. "Shit, Carmen."

So many thoughts were demanding your attention, too many. You wanted to tell him how this wasn't supposed to be a normal occurrence, how not okay it was to ignore his mental well-being. Shake him silly for never caring about the right things, for never caring about himself enough. To give him yet another lecture on letting you help him, on letting anyone help him.

"It wasn't as bad this time." His voice paused all your thoughts. "I think it was because you were here."

You didn't know how to respond, but he finally looked into your eyes and saw how much they spoke for you, how they widened, and then blinked once or twice, shying away. Almost like you were guilty, like you were sad. Something inside of him reminded him that he was probably part of the reason for that, and that ate away at him more deeply than any of his, like you said, panic attacks, ever had.

"I'm sorry, Mars."

Your eyes flicked up to his immediately, intention behind them. "You never need to apologize for having a panic attack, Carmen."

"No, for- for not just that." He paused. "For being an ass. For yelling at you. For not listening to you."

You looked at him wordlessly. You didn't want to say it was okay, because you'd be lying if you said that, if you didn't acknowledge how his words still rang sharply in your head. But you'd be lying to yourself if you didn't admit that Carmen certainly made things feel okay when he was calm like this, understanding. Peaceful.

"And I'm sorry for all the shit I gave you about not listening to me."

You let out a quick breath, almost a laugh. "To be fair, I ... didn't."

His heart seemed to swell at even just the hint of laughter that coated your voice.

"Yeah. You don't listen to me." He let the side of his mouth quirk up to match yours. "That's the thing I love about you." Internally he thought, just one of many.

You stared up at him. At the way his eyes seemed to look over your face in adoration. It did something to your heart, pulled on the strings of it, and left it panging in your chest. He noticed right away.

"You alright?" His concern and furrowed brows almost made you want to laugh.

"Yes I'm-," you exhaled. "I'm fine. The real question is, are you alright?" He watched as your eyes flitted all around his face. "To be honest, you don't seem it."

He self-deprecatingly chuckled. "Wow, thanks, Mars."

You shook his arm a little bit, expression disbelieving. "I'm serious."

You thought about how tense he'd been underneath your touch, how tense he'd seemed for the many days that you'd been back home. How that couldn't be healthy for anyone.

"You need to start taking better care of yourself, Carmen." You made sure he was hearing your every word. "Your mental health is important. More important than any job. You have to stop worrying so much about The Beef and start worrying more about you."

He ran a tired hand over his eyes, immediately feeling the urge to look away. "If I didn't put as much as I did into this place, I don't even think it'd still be up and running."

You let the words hang between the both of you for a moment, knowing how important this was to him. It was important to you too.

"I know how much you've done for this place, Carm." You took his hand in yours again. "You care about it a lot, always have. I have too. But you know the toll it's taking on you. That's not good for anyone, and it'll only last so long. And ... that's why I think you should take any help you can get, for now."

As soon as the topic left your lips again, you felt his hand stiffen in your hand, mouth opening to argue, but you held up a hand.

"And before you say anything, I don't care about the full salary, I don't I care about traveling, or 'wasting my potential' or any of that. I care about helping this place, making sure it lasts, for Mikey." You breathed. "And for you. I care about you."

He could feel his own heart start to race in his chest, flustered like he hadn't known you for years, like you weren't one of his oldest friends.

"I care about you too," he said, and the words felt shamefully foreign on his tongue, thinking about how little he'd ever actually said the words. "That's part of why it's hard for me to think about you working here. You mean a shit ton to me. More than anyone else in this damn place."

"You don't mean that." You couldn't stop the way your brows pushed together, looking down at your hand that was holding Carmen's rough and callused ones. "What about Richie, or Fak, or Sydney-"

"They mean a shit ton to me too, but it's ... not the same. You're you."

He looked into your eyes, trying to see if you'd recognized his hints, but he picked up emotions other than the realization. On a frown, on reluctance, on a guarded, shy look.

"I'll always be me, Carmen." You bit at the inside of your cheek, putting off the topic like you weren't important. That was a foreign idea to him. "That doesn't matter. What matters is you not accepting help."

You saw the way his demeanor shifted at your words, a sense of uncomfortableness settling in his bones, revealing itself in the way he sat up straighter. Your grip on his hands was still firm, unwavering, like all you wanted was to make him understand.

"Carmen," you called, but he was already staring at you. "Promise me that you'll let other people take care of you, help you get by. Let me help you."

He was grateful for the way he was positioned, elbows leaning on knees, hands held by yours, because it was stabilizing him, grounding him when he felt like running. He knew that if he wanted to keep you around, keep you by him, he couldn't do that. That didn't change the fact that this was new to him.

"I, um,"

"It doesn't have to all at once." You gave him a smile, a real one, because you knew he was trying. Breaking out of old habits, for you. "One step at a time."

You were back home. Him pushing you away in his head, running, but only in his mind, didn't change that. He didn't want it to. Despite the pull of his mind telling him to hold you at a distance, the push of his heart wanted you. It was drawn to the cradle of your hands, the warmth of your smile.

"I promise."

Your smile grew to a grin that tugged at the sides of your glowing eyes, eyes that sparkled with affection like they held a hidden invitation, a plea for him to let you in. He finally did, and he knew so fully that he would've made that promise to you time and time again if it meant he could have you and see that smile as much as he wanted.

Your fingers brushed the back of his hands as you stood up from where you were kneeling, letting out an exhale that he noticed sounded almost weightless, a change from the burdened way it sounded to him before. The thought put him at ease.

He stood up too, watching you as you retrieved your jacket and put it on, him feeling the urge to help you with even just that. When you focused back on him, the etches of a smile still lingering on your face, it was magnetic. He couldn't look away. You couldn't either.

You stared at the way a hundred different colors danced in the blue of his eyes, a miraculous feat that you'd loved from the start. As you looked at each other, eyes saying more than your mouths had the courage to, your smile grew slowly, heartbeat picking up in your chest.

"Let me walk you to your car," you coaxed, gesturing towards the door. He laughed at the random idea, breaths escaping through his nose.

"What? Why?"

You shrugged, smile and features and everything, warm. "Call it the first step to you fulfilling your promise to me."

Knowing how he'd iced you out, he embraced that warmth. Made it his new home. "Yeah," he nodded. "Okay."

You gestured for him to follow you, he did, and that was all he had to do. You turned off the lights behind the both of you, locked the door, and didn't ask him to do a thing, just to see the amused look on his face when you smiled at him, his eyes staring back at yours like you were a wonder, something rare to be loved and kept safe.

As you walked back to his car, that was all he could think about. How he'd come across this ray of light in his life that was you, and how you'd stayed by his side, a miraculous idea but he didn't even want to dwell on that too much because it took him away from this moment being shared between the two of you, alone, the cold nipping at your skin but it not mattering because too much had happened that night to care.

The moment seemed to come to an end all too quickly. Carmen had stopped once you'd both reached his car, and you did too. He became aware of the feeling of you next to him, savoring it because he knew it'd end the moment he got into his car.

"Carmy," you said, extending the moment just a little longer. He hummed in response, watching as you stuffed your hands in your coat pockets.

"Can you promise me one more thing?"

He nodded, not missing a beat. " Yeah, anything." Something inside of you fluttered. You cast it aside to hold his gaze.

"Promise me you'll always try and tell me what's going on in your head. No more hiding."

His eyes bore into yours like he was contemplating something, a flicker of conflict in them, a vulnerability that you didn't know what to think of. Then, it was gone and you weren't even sure you'd seen it.

"Yeah, I- um," his jaw tightened for a second. "I promise, Mars."

You patted him on the shoulder, a friendly gesture that felt phony even to you. "Great ... that's great."

He flashed a closed-mouthed smile and you both stood there on the sidewalk for a moment, not saying a word.

"Goodnight," you told him, because it was what you would've said to anyone else at that moment, ignoring the whispers in your mind telling you something was missing, that Carmen wasn't just anyone else.

Something tugged at him too, nagging him, insisting that he had more to tell you, more to say before the night was really over, before he had to go to work the next day and somehow navigate his day with the new promises he'd made you. But all he said was "Goodnight, Mars," before getting in his car with just a wave goodbye that felt bare and wrong.

You left him one more of your smiles through the passenger window of his car before walking off to wherever you'd parked your own. He was sure he'd felt butterflies. Butterflies.

Only you could do this to him. He'd felt numb, overwhelmed and unsatisfied all the same time for however long, and then you come back to Chicago and suddenly he felt everything, all the time. It was getting to him, clearly, because he found himself opening his car door and stepping out of it, losing control of his body, loosening his grip of rationality all because of you. Because he wanted to see you, needed to. He needed you.

You were a good distance away from his car by the time he'd gotten out of his, but you turned around at the sound of the car door practically slamming. You frowned, noticing Carmen walking towards you.

"Carmen?" you called into the night, confused. He caught up with you, something behind his gaze that had his eyes shimmering. You swore you could feel the delicate movement of his eyes across your face as soon as he was near enough to truly take it in.

He took hold of your hand, fingers interlocking with yours delicately, an electrifying feeling buzzing through you. You let out a small gasp at the contact, vision shooting down at the point at which you both touched, just a hand hold but the contact took your full focus.

"Hey," he said, something like a smile creeping onto his features and you'd never seen him like this, so exhilarated and full of delicate determination. You looked back up into his eyes, and he took a step closer, finally letting himself be pulled by that magnetic force calling him to you that he couldn't resist. He wouldn't, anyway.

"Wh-," you started, meaning to question him but the thought was brushed aside when he leaned inwards, his forehead falling against yours. His curls brushed against the top of your head, and you secretly loved the feeling, becoming breathless.

"You can tell me to stop, Mars." He murmured it so close to you, breath fanning onto your cheek in a distracting but addictive way, and suddenly you were forgetting how to talk. It didn't matter, because you didn't want him to stop. You looked back up at him, and he saw that in your eyes, so he didn't.

His lips brushed against yours, a taste of what he'd been wanting for longer than he could even remember. The feeling it sent throughout him was immobilizing, and he stayed like that, eyes shut, reveling in it.

It was you who closed the distance, pressing your lips to his and letting the dizzying wave from it spread all over you, to the tips of your fingers that immediately reached up to hold his firm shoulders, and to your brain that buzzed in joy and excitement and a bit of something else.

He froze up for a second when he felt your lips crashing into his. Your lips on his felt like the answers to all his problems, and he needed them in a burning, unignorable way. His brows furrowed and his hands reached up to cradle your neck delicately, holding you like you were more valuable than anything he could've bought, anything he could've wished for, could've imagined he could possibly have.

His lips tugged on yours and yours tugged back, a rhythm that felt easy to follow, like the deep thrum of a heartbeat. And when you both finally pulled apart for air, it was like you could still feel that rhythm, because your heartbeats were beating so loudly and in time with each other's that it felt like the moment was never meant to come to an end.

Your foreheads were still connected, and you knew neither of you had it in you to pull away. You felt somehow even more breathless.

"What was that for?" Your voice was soft, hoarse. You swore you saw Carmen's lip quirk upwards.

"I promised to not hide what was going on in my head." Your hands came up to delicately wrap around his biceps, impossibly solid underneath your fingertips. He didn't suppress the shudder that traveled through him. "Call that the first step."

You smiled, this time against his lips, and somehow that beat every single smile you'd ever given him before. It felt like a promise of your own, to share your warmth with him from now on. He liked the idea, a lot. He'd let you do it whenever you wanted, he liked it that much.

He'd let you take care of him whenever you wanted, too. Again and again, until you got sick of him. But he was Carmen Berzatto. You knew you never would.

#carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x you #carmy berzatto #carmy berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto x you #the bear #friends to lovers #love confessions #one shot #fiction #romance #carmy needs a hug #mental health #carmy needs therapy #slight angst #x reader #childhood best friends to lovers #carmen berzatto imagine #carmy berzatto imagine #carmy x reader #jeremy allen white

[emojellyace08]

Found you're writing really good 😈😈 and now you're my next target 😂😂 How do you think gun would react finding someone 100x times beautiful from crystal with great body anddddddd 👀👀👀 is strong like ui daniel but is not quite rich and lives a normal life working at a part time cafe ??? 😮😮😮 lordddd 🤌🤌 the reaction would be priceless, please do it 🥲

Gun Park (Park Jonggun x Female Reader!) short story

A/N: Hello fellow human! Sorry if I ever replied back REALLY LATE. I'll still make Lookism x reader content, but I'm really busy rn so sorry if this felt rushed (and I have a periodical exams to take in Wedensday oof). Genre: fluff? Warnings: mild cursing and mentions of mafia activities (unedited)

Gun isn't exactly the type to easily fall in love, even impressing him alone without trying hard is challenging by itself as many successors, enemies, and other people tried to show their all to the Shiro Oni. But every blood, sweat, and tears were wasted just trying to lay a finger by the unstoppable man, if they would even call him one.

And it is also just a normal day for everyone, people in the city are either spending their money off by their personal plans or continue on with their daily lives. Other women were having their shopping galore either with their friends or alone with quite noticeable make-up plastered on their face yet making their face sparkle up with the cosmetics. Ulzzangs posting their new selfies getting tons, if not millions of likes and social media users having a debate who's prettier or more attractive. Students were stressing out with their school activities or gossip drama with the adults wanting to slack off and get a chug of beer after a long day of their shifts or just take a long nap like a lazy cat with their eyebags being dark and hollow like a panda.

And to most people, you're just an ordinary woman living her life in the crowded city of Seoul. You wouldn't exactly call it the best life ever, but you were somehow thankful to make it this far after long days of shifts and even sometimes working on Holidays even if you want to have a sip of your own coffee at your own place. You're already a functional and working adult yet you sometimes miss your home despite you and your family having your own personal problems. Yet you continue to strive not only for them but mostly for yourself. If it weren't for some men forcing you to have a chat with you by offering their numbers quite rudely, you might even have better days without them putting you into situations you don't even want to experience just because you were considered beautiful.

It was already five in the afternoon, yet you're still there at the cafe doing your duties as a barista and a waitress. The place will be quite silent, almost weird with the sound of silence if it weren't for the chatty customers with some chilling with their drink and pastries of choice. College students doing their research in groups, office-workers updating their marketing plans, and angsty teenagers listening to their melancholic music with their Airpods on. With the stress that you are feeling right now, you felt the need to listen to your own playlist while you watched the sun sank in the sky with a splash of pink, yellow, and blue creating a splash of colors that felt nostalgic yet different at the same time.

Hours passed with people coming in and out, the sky already turning night time with white stars sparkling at night. The yellow lights of the place illuminating at the dark to not only make the place more atmospheric, but to also make the customers feel comfortable with the chill yet warm vibe.

"Miss Y/N, are you already getting the order done for customer five?" your manager with a dark perfect bun for her hairstyle with pale foundation, reddish blush and lip tint, and sunken eye bags (reminding you of a porcelain doll) asked with a raised eyebrows and strict tone as you responded with a hum for agreement while you're mixing and preparing the drink condiments. "Yes Sajangnim (boss) I'm already done with the coffee macchiato and I already have the egg sandwich." you replied while hurrying to prepare the Americano. "Good, more tickets are coming you better hurry up." she replied while she scolds your co-worker that you are deeply annoyed at when she's slumping on the side clicking on her phone instead of helping you out. "She's probably texting someone to date huh?" a voice on your side whispered while you yelped in surprise. "Fucking, geez stop spawning randomly on the side like that." you hissed as he chuckles silently trying to minimize his voice while you also tried not to laugh hysterically. "Okay fine. You're working too much. I'll do the coffee latte and get the mango graham and the croissant." he suggested while your eyes widened in confusion and a bit of surprise. "You sure Jace?" you asked the young man with big ears as he raises a thumbs up "It's fine Eonni (older sister ; metaphorically). Now you go." "You just want your fees to go higher." you teased as he manners to go shooing you away. "I need it since I got to repair Vasco's phone." "Whatever, just do the job right and smooth." you smiled while he finger guns with a tongue-click sound.

You took the orders in your hand and approached the table before you quickly noticed the two familiar guys. You sighed before going closer to the very annoying customers just then the blonde with dark shades greeted you with a dramatic enthusiasm.

"Yo Y/N! It's nice to see you where have you been?!" Goo stood up while waving his hand making the other customers look in confusion. You not wanting to create a scene, you placed the tray in the table and planned to go away. But a hand held your own in a soft but not rather affectionate touch before you swat it away.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" you asked while you felt your blood boiling in frustration. "But we're here to-" "Shut the fuck up Walmart Ken." you scolded Goo while he created a insulting gasp while the ebony-haired man smirked in amusement. "We're here for Charles orders. We're going to take you back in the place where you truly belong for unfinished business." he commented in a calm yet teasing manner making you even more agitated. "This is my business, Gun." If it weren't for the other customers if they ever got frightened and with your manager firing you, you might created a miserable scene that you don't want to happen in the first place. But these people haunts down your biggest fears like a black hole swallowing your entire existence.

"And how did you even find me here? And don't you see the no smoking sign?" you rolled your eyes making Goo and Gun grin more while Gun huffs his smoke, "We have our own ways." "And c'mon Y/N, we know you miss doing tough missions with us!" Goo again interfered while you stood their in cold feet not knowing what to do with this situation. "And besides Charles is offering you a billion won with making the four major crews stronger for him to pay you, even make it thrice the price if you did the job well." Gun offered while taking a sip of his coffee and the other man looking at the menu sheet to order more of the sweets. "Well don't you contact me when either the Workers tried to interfere or your goons stabbing all of your backs." you replied with a sass while Gun just replies. "If that ever happens, I'm not going to hesitate to beat their-" "Yo Y/N, can I get a latte with a chocolate doughnut?" the childish guy ordered interrupting Gun's long speech. Though his eye accessory hides his orbs, you can imagine (almost see) Goo flickering his eyelashes like a puppy begging to play with it's owner. "Whatever, I'm leaving." you rolled your eyes in frustration before going to the employee room and aggressively slamming the door. "Wait what? Y/N We still have lots to talk about and my order-" Goo was about to chase you before Gun kicked him in the legs under the table, successfully earning a hiss of pain from the other guy. "Let her be, she'll change her mind." Gun interrupted while Goo raised his eyebrows. "Hah?! For fuck's sake we're just going to let her run away? Again? You'll be in fault if Charles scolded our scrawny asses again." Goo ranted as the people in the cafe started to weirdly glare at them for being to noisy. "I know where she's going, besides she would get scolded, even probably fired since she left during her shift. So just stay calm." Gun replied while stealing the sweet and umami food that Goo just offered that's been sitting for a minute now. "Hey! that's my sandwich!" "Just buy another one you got twenty thousand won on your wallet." Gun replied while he wipes off the extra mayo on his mouth with a tissue. "Says the one who's chomping off my toast right now, idiot." "Stop making Gordon Ramsey references or I'll kill you."

"Y/N where the hell have you been! Don't you see that there's lots of tickets flooding in here?! Oi you brat answer me!" your manager who's been flickering your guts scolded you while your co-worker from earlier smirks at your downfall, you not only fixing your bag in your locker but also trying to make yourself composed as you don't want to lash out your anger to the people who have done nothing wrong to you (they do, a lot but you just don't complain about it). "If you won't answer my question-" "Shut up." you murmured interrupting her speech in a lifeless manner. "I'll leave. You can fire my ass." "Hey Y/N what is going on in here?" Jace asked before you again slammed the exit door, leaving the poor guy confused and lots of responsibility in his hands...

You ran, as fast as you could. You kept running and running. You ran past the tall buildings filled with city lights creating a beautiful atmosphere, yet the familiar feeling of sorrow began to linger on your mind and heart reminding you of the memories of the past that you tried to bury deep down to start a completely fresh start of the first chapter of your life. But it looks like even books can have it's pages ripped and burned.

After a long mile, you stopped your movement as you breathe deeply trying to catch air like you're being suffocated by your feeling of dread. You didn't want to go in this place, but it is the only place that you called home.

This is the place where you met them, where you grew up, and where you were turned into a monster.

It is an old and abandoned park, the fake wood texture of the metal benches started to rust with the colorful paint with vulgar words and drawings adding to the stain. Trash were everywhere, even a scary place like this looks like it's been a hang out for runaway teenagers or addicts. The trees and plants look completely dry and lifeless since it's not been watered and just not being cared of, making the crunchy leaves fall down into the ground. Newspaper with the dirty and used ashtrays and used beverage bottles were also scattered in the area. It is a complete mess like what you are right now, but the smell of toxins and beer makes your mind hazy and in peace as you try to think of the good memories that you have in here (if you ever had one).

You thought that you can finally have your moment of peace and solitude. But it looks like you have to deal with these fuckers you kept whistling and cooing at your existence. Looks like they're drunk men who's been wasting their life, completely indulged in alcohol and other things that are addicting even though they mostly look formal, decent, and clean. The police were doing a bad job for shooing away people who don't have a home but doesn't arrest people like this. People who were supposed to act normal and responsible now that they have everything, not chugging on alcohol.

"Who is this chick over here?" a skinny man with a white polo asked as his friend's arms snaked into your shoulder, making you uncomfortable. "What are you doing here alone? Is your boyfriend supposed to take-" "Shut the fuck up and leave me alone retards." you swatted his hand away and getting distance from them, but this doesn't alarm the men keeping their annoying behavior in touch. They started making laughs and mocking faces making your blood boil. "Feisty huh? Don't worry, We will take care of yo-"

Everything went fast as you slammed him into the ground. His friends were caught off guard but the other goon decided to take you down. "You bitch!-"

It looks like a bad idea huh? Since you were so fast, you managed to capture and block his punch. You put pressure on his hand as you then twisted it making it dislocate and elbowing him on his armpit impacting pain on his shoulder and upper limb. He is now crying on the ground, coughing and crying like a little toddler who scratched his elbow as the other men decided to attack you besides the leader of the group who cowers in fear. Kicks, punches, and attacks are made by you causing them to get knocked out by your bare strength. You clicked your tongue in dismay when a familiar figure approached the scene. "I knew that you would be here." he muttered while you huffed in pure disgust as Gun smirked at the damage you have inflicted. "If you asked again for me to be a slave of your shitty management I'm not going with you." cutting him off with a unsatisfied tone, you started walking away from the place but then he tapped your shoulder. But you're not in the mood to interact with anybody. You didn't even thought twice that you punched him in the face yet he didn't even budged. A flow of blood starting to drool down on his chin. The masochistic Shiro Oni starting to get excited about your sudden aggression as he let himself get hit in the first place. "Will you stop following me around like a dog?! GET LOST YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"

"Punching me on the face would not end great for you, but this is why I like you Y/N. Now show me what you got can you?~" his demonic grin appearing on his scarred face.

#lookism x reader #lookism x y/n #lookism x you #gun park x reader #park jonggun x reader

[eeunoia]

ENHYPEN Mini Series

ENHYPEN as Taylor Swift Songs

STYLE

synopsis: sim jaeyun is your style, your type of guy. mainly the reason why despite the complicated relationship with him, you seem to always find it hard to make him leave and finding yourself with the same ending.

pairings: jake sim x reader

word count: 9k.

warnings: a pinch of angst, suggestive (a little). jake being clingy and touchy. hint of cheating. grammatical errors. let me know if i missed some.

fic moodboard › here

note: i'm actually surprised that this fic is not as long as i expected it to be, but anyway i had fun writing it so i hope you enjoy reading. style is one of my favorite queen taylor's songs so i really did think alot about the plot for this and of course the jake sim fits it so well. i love him so much. please re-blog and send me asks. i would really appreciate your kind feedbacks. thank you and ily. stay safe.

“Lee Y/n made it to headlines after the announcement of her partaking in this new big series coming up this fall. She will be the main female lead for this upcoming drama and people are on fire. They are so happy about the casting and couldn’t wait for it to be aired. Wah,” your friend exclaimed with exaggerated look on her face while she reads an article through her phone.

Shaking your head lightly with a grin on your face, you gently moving your wine glass you are holding. The sweet aroma of the liqour made it into your nose causing for you to feel more relaxed. It was addictive and somehow nostalgic.

“You really did it this comeback.” she couldn’t hide the excitement through her voice as she giggles and continued scrolling on her phone.

“Well, my management did a great job on choosing this project.” the humble comment made her scoffed before playfully throwing chips at your direction.

“Oh come on Ms. Humble of Korea, give yourself more credits.” she jokes and smiled widely at you.

“You know you deserve this, right?” her tone this time is softer, letting you know how sincere she is. You can’t help but to return her wholesome gaze as you went close to her for a hug.

These months have been rough for you and only few people in your life knows about it. Your bestfriend, (name), are one of these people. You admit that this project is the biggest one so far that you’ll be working on. It makes you nervous and worry of how it will turn out, but excitement tops all of it. All in all, you’re just happy to be back on track. Glad to finally be back on doing what you love to do.

Being out from the big screen for months was no joke. A lot of questions are formed and articles starts to appear out of nowhere. Vogue speculations and rumors media creats aboutyou to gain attention was horrendous. That’s one of the things you hate in the field you are in. You love your work, there’s no doubt with that. It’s just it drains your energy most of the time. Having your movements being watched by a lot of people all the time sucks big time. Surely, showbiz isn’t for the weak.

“Oh, great.” you snaps out of your trance when your friend spoke again. She looks a little annoyed while still on her phone. Seems like she’s looking at something that caught her attention.

“Look who’s back in the country.” she flips her phone to face you and your eyes squints a bit because of the brightness. Once adjusted, your eyes focused on the article flashing through her screen. Big bold letters caught your attention right away.

‘ENHYPEN back in the country after a successful world tour. The group said to be having rest after a very successful world tour and then prepare for their next come back. Read more...’ it read. You gulped and felt your heart race after reading it. The picture attached bellow the heading was the latest picture of the said group departing an airport from america.

Your eyes locked on the guy with a black mullet hair. His slightly tanner skin makes him extra noticeable when he stood beside one of his fair skinned members. Flashes of cameras reflects through his big doe eyes that makes him look so innocent. Contrary to this was his sinful looking plump lips that lies beneath his pointy nose. Jake Sim, sure is breathtaking.

Its been months ever since the last time you’ve seen him and now that he’s back in the country, it makes you feel a lot of things. Things that only him can execute.

You are snapped out from your thoughts when your friend pulled the phone away, instant regret glints her face. Her eyes are squinting at you, staring as if she just caught you doing a heinous crime. Feeling flushed from being too affected by the article and your friend entirely knowing what’s going on inside your head, you glanced away before clearing your throat.

“Seriously, get over him.” she sighs sounding a little frustrated.

Well, can you blame her? She just knew how things between you and Jake are very intricate. The two of you announced a public break up months ago. The fans, although felt sad about it, didn’t really got too affected by it because that isn’t the first time it happened.

You’re known as one of the rising young actress in your generation. Because of your undeniably talent with acting and your beauty, people sure loves seeing you on screens.

On the other hand, Jake Sim. Oh how to properly start on describing him... It feels easy and difficult at the same time. Easy, because you knew him very well and difficult because you might blabber things unconsciously due to overwhelming emotions.

Jake Sim’s name is very loud on the industry of music. Their group, Enhypen, is making big all over the whole world right now. And you think that they do deserve the fame and all since they are indeed talented.

If he’s amazing on camera, Jake is just dreamy behind them.

He is definitely your ideal type. Tall, handsome, smart, can sing and dance, good physique, have a very sexy accent, soft spoken, loves animals specially dogs, family oriented, financially stable and a complete gentlemen. What more can you ask, right? He’s definitely the one for you. He’s 100%, no doubt, your style.

“Its easier said than done.” your eyes dropped on your glass of wine and slowly, you took a sip.

Awkward silence follows after and your friend could not help but feel slightly bad for bringing up Jake. Her hand moves even before her brain could stop her when she showed you that article. Maybe she just got used to showing everything that has got something to do with the said idol.

To describe your relationship with Jake won’t be easy. Yes, you may agree that the two of have feelings for each other. People always says you two are soulmates, puzzle pieces that completes the whole picture and a very cute couple. You can’t deny that being with him brings tremendous joy within you and that you are happy together, but you couldn’t find the right answer as to why you two always fall apart.

When your gaze drifts towards her, she opens her mouth to say something only to be interrupted by a faint ‘ding’ sound from your phone. A text message from someone just saved you two from an awkward silence. Brows furrowed out of confusion, you pulled out your phone to see who texted you.

And your heart almost drops and palms instantly sweats at the sight of a contact name you haven't seen for a while. After clearing your throat that felt extra dry despite having sips of wine, you sets your glass over the center table to prevent any possible accident.

Jake Sim: Hey.

One word text message was enough to shake your whole system up. To think that he have this much effect on you kind of pisses you off. This isn’t how it suppose to be. His name shouldn’t bother you this way and he should’ve been blocked by now.

You draws in a sigh, trying to calm youself down. A glance over your friend gave you an assurance that she’s now busy with her phone again. You utter your silent prayers that she didn’t saw your reaction just now. She would’ve known what its all about right away.

You: ?

You are biting your nails consciously while (im)patiently waiting for him to text back. It didn’t took him long and you felt a bit dizzy just by thinking he’s waiting for your reply too. Its making your heart beat crazily fast.

Jake: Where are you?

Throat feeling dry once again, you gulped and licked your lips because they felt a little dry as well. As to why is still a question for you.

You: Why?

After the message was sent, the small ‘read’ word plastered below it. Right away, he was typing his reply. He seems eager. To think that it was you he was longing for you is making you tremble in excitement. Even no matter how hard you deny you missed him, you knew deep down that you are feeling incomplete without Jake Sim.

You are missing him too much and having him texting you right now has dug that feeling you've buried the moment you stopped seeing each other.

Jake: I’m at your apartment’s parking lot.

That was it. All it took for you to go stumbling your way to prepare youself was his last text message. Thankfully, you didn’t trip while hurrying over your bedroom to fetch some jacket. Walking pass by your big full length mirror, you went back to check if you look decent enough to make Jake Sim crazy.

You’re currently wearing your usual sexy silk night dress. This is how you dress to sleep or whenever you stay in your apartment so there’s no issue showing like this to Jake Sim. The amount of times he had seen you in these type of clothes was uncountable.

You have to use a jacket to cover up since you have to go use the elevator. Even if this building is usually occupied by celebrities, you don’t want to give a bad impression of dressing scandalously in a cold night.

Your friend who you left at the living room is now crossing her arms at you, head tilted over to the side waiting for the right timing to question your sudden odd behavior.

A bright smile is what you flashed to her, trying so hard to hide the fact that you are feeling so nervous to how you will tell her without gaining any suspicion.

“Are you going to be fine here? I’ll just go out to go b-buy something.” and you top it with yet another sweet smile. This type of acts should be easy for you. You’re an actress for Godsake, but maybe she just knew you so well that’s why it clearly didn’t work.

She rolled her eyes before starting gathering her stuff. “Where is he?” she asks casually while trying to put some of her belongings inside her bag.

A pout made it to your lips and guilt came rushing through you. She scoffs and crossed her arm once again after hanging the strap on one of her shoulders.

“Make sure no paparazzi will see the two of you. The project just got released and he just got back to the country. Please don’t make it to the headlines tomorrow.” she strictly reminds you.

It made a smile spread across your face before nodding continuously.

“Don’t worry. We’ll be very careful.”

She rolled her eyes again and draws a strained sigh. She just couldn’t understand why you two kept on doing these things.

After she saw you panicking after receiving a message, she already knew who it was. It almost like a routine already that her mind instantly gave her a hint on who you’re going to meet. Honestly, she doesn’t want to let you go. She wanted to ask you to make him leave or stood him up like how you suppose to do, but she knew it will just make you two sneak up even more.

You two are so crazy for one another that’s why its still a mystery for her why you kept on breaking up. If you both can’t live without one another, why not just be mature enough to deal with your issues? She just couldn’t understand.

With a hood pulled up to the head and a mask covering half of your face, both of you steps inside the elevator. It was silent, but not totally awkward. Once you arrived at the underground parking lot, her car can be seen right away so you two walked over there first.

She glanced at you, still trying to keep the strict face on. It kind of wants to make you laugh, but you tried not to.

“Don’t stay up too late since you have a photoshoot tomorrow.” she reminded you like a parent trying to remind her daughter she have school the next day.

You smiled and did a playful salute, “Aye aye captain!”

She scoffs and gave you a quick hug before letting you off. A small wave is what you gave her before walking towards the corner of the parking lot. You're pretty sure if Jake's really here, he's parked at his usual spot. Its ideal to meet up there since its at the far corner and only a few people walks around it.

His familiar car was parked like you expected it to be. Due to the heavy tinted windows, its a bit hard to tell whether he's inside the vehicle or not. Thankfully, your confusion was soon answered when his headlights opened and the engine roars.

To avoid getting too much attention, Jake always comes here to pick you up with no headlights. But the moment you arrive, he will open it so if ever someone follows you to take pictures they will have a hard time capturing a good one.

“Hey,” you greeted the moment you got inside his car and the lock clicked soon right after.

Your heart thumped crazily as you met eyes with Jaeyun. His fluffy hair a bit disheveled only made him more attractive. His smile looked so sweet yet teasing. You have no idea how he does that, but he sure knows how to drive you even more crazy.

“Hi gorgeous.” his sudden compliment made your cheeks flushed.

“What are you doing here, Sim Jaeyun?” he chuckled lightly at the sound of his government name falling from your lips. Your sweet lips. God, how much he missed kissing them.

He got easily distracted as his eyes settled over your lips that you quickly catch on. After a sigh, your eyes racked down from his handsome face to the clothes he was wearing causing for a crease to appear over your forehead.

“Wait, did you went here straight from the airport?”

You noticed that he was wearing the same clothes he have at the article your friend showed you. It was when they departed from the airport. The shirt he's wearing inside is the same one from the picture and the coat he used to cover it, abandoned at the backseat of his car.

Jake smiles and the way his eyes batted slowly confirmed it. Now you realized how he looked so tired, the circles below his eyes are visible.

“Yes. I've missed you so I figured I go straight here.”

“Are you crazy?”

He chuckles, enjoying the way you sounded so worried. “I might really go crazy if I didn’t came here to see you.” his tone so serious, eyes still fixed at you.

His words and the way his stares lingers made you blush so hard. Still trying to conceal it with keeping a straight face, you cleared your throat and glanced away from him. That's when you finally take a proper breath. You didn't even realized you've been holding your breath since you entered his car.

“Come on, baby.” the familiar pet name awoke something inside your chest, an emotion.

Your eyes trailed from outside his car towards back him. His eyes looked hooded as he gently reached over you, the warmth of his hands over your skin felt amazing.

“Can I at least have a hug? Didn't you miss me?” his lips pouts and its a sinful scene for you. Jake knew how much you love his lips and he's doing this on purpose.

After letting out a sigh, you slowly leaned your body near him so you can give the hug he was asking for, only to be surprised when his arm slid over your waist smoothly carrying you to make you sit on his lap. A yelp escapes your mouth at what suddenly happened. You are taken off guatd and he's enjoying every bits of it.

Your eyes squints and you glared at him, you rest both of your hand over his upper chest to support your weight as you try to get off him.

“Nah, you're not going anywhere.” he mumbles. The grin on his face grew as he held your hips firmly, refraining you from moving again.

“Jake!” you screamed and felt your whole face burning when he buried his face over your neck, nuzzling and inhaling your scent.

The feeling of his lips in contact of your bare skin is making you dizzy. Jake's eyes looks up while he place feathery kisses at your neck. Seeing you trying to conceal the pleasure you feel from what he's doing is making him smirk.

Slowly, you stopped resisting and just let him have his way over you. As usual.

With eyes shut tight, you let out a strained sigh. “I m-missed you.” you admits.

The grin on Jake's face widen, “I know, sweetheart.” he confidently stated.

Now that’s him. Jake Sim is very confident. He knew where he stands in your life and took grounds over it. He knows how to play his cards in the game he already mastered. Like a predator that have his prey captured and just waiting for the right time to take them in.

You bit your lip, trapping it between your teeth then pulled away slightly to see his face. He leans back, eyes settling on yours, looking sleepy and tired. He smirked and both of his hands moves up to hold your waist, thumb softly caressing it distracting you gradually.

You raised your hand to brush his hair making him close his eyes, feeling so good from your touch.

“It's been a while since I have even heard from you.” you mumble, a hint of distress exists on your tone.

“The tour kept me busy, baby.” he reasoned.

“Busy enough to even contact me once?”

He opened his eyes, half-lidded and a big smirk present on his handsome face. He looked dangerously sexy in front of you and you just couldn’t explain why its making your knees weak.

“You broke up with me, why would I bother reaching out?” his tone taunting you. He was being sarcastic and you know it very well.

Jake knew. He knew so well that the main reason why he didn’t try to reach out is because he might miss you too much. It won’t be too good for the tour if he’ll be distracted. Afterall, you are the only person that can drive him full on crazy mode.

A pout made it to your lips, “I,” your words halt, unable to defend yourself from his blow. It was true and there’s nothing you can say to back up your statement.

Jake took notice of your silence so he lets out a sigh, trying to dismiss the heavy atmosphere that caging both of you.

“Can we go up to your unit? I want to spend the night with you.” he touched your chin slightly and you are left with no choice, but to nod your head.

You two walks inside the building and wait patiently in front of the lift. Jake stood too closely behind you, a hand inside his pocket while the other one rests over your waist. He's wearing his hoodie and a cap, face covered with a mask.

Whenever you two splits up, its usually you who calls it off. Days or a week will pass and you two will slowly find yourself meeting each other again then get back together like nothing happened. In between those, Jake's name will be linked with women from the industry, but his company was always quick to deny it. Then you two will enjoy your time together, fight again, then you'll break it off. The same cycle repeating continuously like a routine.

Maybe you two are still immature? You have no idea. But one thing's for sure, no matter how complicated things between Jake and you got, you always find your way back to each other.

Jake's eyes follows you silently, waiting patiently while you go and close the light of the room. He's already on your bed, changed into his clothes he left in your apartment months ago and already prepared to get that good sleep he's been deprived of.

“What?” you asked him as you take off the jacket you're wearing. You noticed how he just laid there and watch your every move.

His eyes moved from your face down to what you are wearing. Jake gulped and felt like sleep is slowly trying to leave his system, another feeling getting awoken by how beautiful you look. The little light emitting from the lamp beside your bed was enough to give him this glorious vision of you.

“You look so damn gorgeous.” his accent popped the moment he gave that compliment.

Your cheeks blushed right away, “No, you will sleep tonight.” your firm words almost made the man on your bed groan out of frustration.

“Come on, baby.”

You shake your head ‘no’. “Jake, you looked so tired. Sleep.”

“One round?” he asked giving you his puppy eyes, pretty lips turns into a pout.

“Jake,”

He chukles and opens the blanket for you, “Fine, come here then.”

You didn't move and kept your eyes at him, a little suspicious if he's not trying to trick you or anything. He giggled sexily, making you almost lose your mind.

‘Oh Jake Sim.’

“I promise not to do anything funny. I just really want to cuddle and feel your warmth.”

You let out a sigh and decided to climb up on your bed joining him. He pulls your body closer to his not leaving any space in between. He lets your head rest on his chest and place a kiss on your temple.

His familiar warmth you longed for felt heaven and you knew right away that you will have a very good sleep. You started wondering if this means you two are back together. Even if you're bothered about it, you refrained from asking him so you wouldn't ruin the mood.

“Good night, Jake.” you said instead.

“Good night, beautiful. See you in my dreams.” and he tightens his hug on your body that fits perfectly to his hold.

You shut your eyes, inhaling his scent that sends comfort to you. Jake's breathing became more stable, light snores can be heard from him making your smile grow bigger. He moves a bit and pulled you even closer, nuzzling over you. You two were so close you can basically hear his heartbeat synchronizing with yours.

“This series will be a huge deal for your career, y/n.” the bright look on your manager’s face says a lot. She was obviously excited about it.

You are too. Only, you’re a little distracted.

“Do you think Jake’s dating that girl?” you blurted out of the blue.

It’s been two weeks ever since he spent the night to your unit. As expected, you got too busy with your schedules while he’s trying to make the best out of his resting period.

And looks like he’s enjoying it very much, specially after he’s said to be seen around with his 'new' girl. A lot of articles spreads around the internet on how the idol seems to finally move on from you.

This isn’t the first time his name got involved with someone else or the first time people suspects him of dating someone else after calling it off with you. But this is the first time his company is not denying any of it.

It’s already been a day after the news broke out and normally, his company should’ve released a statement saying that it was just rumors and that is not true. But, none. Their side is silent and its bothering you big time.

In a speed of light, your manager's face turn into a frown. The hand holding your contact rested lazily beside her. The excitement over her system slowly draining out of her.

“Why are you thinking about him? He should be the least of your concern right now! You’ve been casted as the main lead of this new hot kdrama and today will be the official release of the trailer you two worked on a week ago.”

Your lips turned into a pout and eyes trailed off from her, guilt filled you because despite of hearing her points you couldn’t stop thinking about Jake.

You know how bad your agency worked hard to get you this spot. Of course you take part on doing it since you did the audtion, but you just can’t disregard the effort and time they put into this project.

She sighed, “You need to get yourself busy to take him off from your mind.” she states.

“You have a photoshoot today with your male lead. Focus on how you two will show chemistry later.”

“Ugh.” you groaned.

“You should focus on your leading man! He’s very popular these days and he’s smoking hot.” you almost laugh when you saw how her eyes almost formed hearts.

“He’s years older than me.”

“So? Don’t you think its good since he have more experiences in life and more mature? You can use some maturity in your life, you know?” her words seems very meaningful, like hinting something vougly.

“Do you have a crush on him?” you ask her with a teasing smile now.

She smirks, “Well, who doesn’t? He's tall and handsome. Very well mannered and good at his job too.”

You scoffed and played with the throw pillow beside you, “Jake’s all that too.” you mumbled that didn’t slip from your manager’s ears.

“Move your ass and get in the van now.” she said strictly making you pout even more.

In the end, you had no choice but to get up from the sofa then head outside your company building to go on with your day.

The ride to the set of your photoshoot was short and you arrived in no time. People around looked very busy as they try to make the set look perfect. You roam your eyes in awe, thinking how talented they are for making it so perfectly.

“Hi,” your head snaps to the side and eyes grew a bit big at the sight of your male lead.

He smiles, eyes almost turning into a one line, dimples showing at side of his cheeks. You got a little surprised how his face looked so different whenever he have a straight face compared when he's smiling. Your manager is right. He sure is very handsome.

You gave him a bow and greets him. His eyes stares while he keep his friendly smile. The aura between you two aren’t really awkward. Even when you first met last last week to shoot the trailer, it was easy to get along with him. You don’t know if he’s just really friendly, but he’s so easy to talk to and get along to.

The takes for that trailer was not so bad as well. The directors kept on complimenting the two of you for doing such a great job. The chemistry on screen was no joke, the look on the staffs around was enough to say that the series will surely do good.

“Have you watched the trailer yet?” he asks.

You shake your head 'no'. “I don’t usually watch myself acting because I think its cringey.”

He chuckles and you can’t help but to notice how good he looks whenever he does that.

“I totally relate. I haven’t seen it too.”

You kept your stares at him like as if you don’t believe him. He sighs and smirks, “Fine, I did. But only because my Mom forced me to watch it with her.”

You chuckled after he confessed.

“That’s cute.”

“Me?” the grin over his face made you roll your eyes, pursing your lips to prevent a smile to make its way to your face.

“I meant your Mom.”

“Well they do say I took after my Mom, so basically you are calling me cute too.”

You snorted playfully, “You’re unbelievable.” and you cannot contain the small chuckles anymore.

He smiles even bigger. “I’m telling the truth.”

You nodded your head, “Yeah, okay.”

Eventually, you both are called to your respective dressing rooms to prepare for the shoot. A big smirk plays through your manager’s face when you entered the room. You furrowed your brows, confused.

“What?” one of your make up artists makes you sit down in front of the big mirrors so they can start doing your make-up.

“So,” she starts. “I saw you two talking. You have a crush on him now?”

You rolled your eyes, “We were just making a conversation.”

She nods her head, but it doesn’t look like she’s believing any of your words. “That’s good. That is really good with building your bond and get closer to each other.”

You stayed silent and just let your make up artist do her job. She was called outside by the photographer and you thank God for that because you finally have the peace you’ve planned to have before setting your mind for the shoot.

Unpredicted at all, Jake Sim made his way inside your mind and the recent articles you just read about him. It suddenly starts to make you feel bad, but your manager did oriented you on how you should focus on yourself.

“y/n, try putting your hand on (actor name).” you snapped back to reality and realized that you are in the middle of shoot already.

After your make up, you were called to start the photoshoot and since then you are spacing out. You gulped, feeling embarrased that you actually not focused so you quickly pull yourself together.

Your eyes trailed over to (actor name) and he’s looking at you. “It’s fine, don’t be shy.” he mumbles with a small teasing smile.

With a blushing cheeks, you rolled and rests your hand over his upper chest. While still looking straight to his eyes, you try to keep a pierce look on your eyes making the smile on his face falter a bit.

“That's it! Keep that tension.” you heard the photographer directs, but you are too focused on admiring the man in front of you.

He soon pull himself and felt his hand rests over your waist pulling you even closer to him. The feeling was odd for you. Maybe because this is the first time a different male other than Jake came this close to you.

“I love it! Keep it up!” the voice was so muffled because you are too busy looking at his eyes. You are too drawn by the looks he was giving you. He looked so good with the way his eyes stares and a small smirk playing over his lips.

“You are so beautiful, y/n. Have I ever told you that?” he whispered as he leaned closer making your forehead and nose touch, his breath fanning you.

Your heart thumped harder and could feel your lips shaking a little. For a moment there, you forgot the issue involving Jake and that girl.

The schedule wrapped up nicely. The staffs and directors complimenting you nonstop that sends relief to you. Its good that in spite of being distracted, you still managed to do well.

“You did great today, y/n.” (actor name) came to say goodbye and you just nods your head at him.

He smirks, “You too.” and you gave a small bow.

A scoff escapes his lips. “Come on, no need to be so formal. We’ll be seeing each other more often so let's be friends okay?” and he even messed your hair playfully.

You frowned, “Okay, but first don't do that again.”

He chuckles, clearly delighted seeing a different emotion from you. “Nah, I’ll keep doing it.” he puts his hand inside his pocket as you shoot him glares.

“Bye, see you on monday.” and sends you a small wave as he walks away.

You are still slightly pissed of what he did when you entered your service. Your manager was too happy to your performance that she just continued going on and on about how much you and (actor name) looked good together. Feeling a little tired because of the shoot and her continuous ranting, you tried to shut your eyes.

You got awoken by gentle taps over your arm. Maybe you are really tired because you fell asleep without even realizing it and now you just arrived at your apartment.

“You did well today.” she says and even asked if she should walk you to your floor, which you declined right away.

“Go home and rest, Manager. I’m sure you are as tired as me.” and you gave her an assuring smile. She smiled back and didn’t even manage to stop the yawn from emitting from her lips.

“Alright, sleep well.” and then off she goes.

You took a long bath to refresh yourself and try to prepare for bed. Its odd because even having a very long day, you don't seem sleepy.

While staring blankly outside your apartment window, you heard your phone ringing nonstop. A strained sigh escapes your mouth before strutting closer to where you put your phone.

Your breath hitched at the sight of Jake's caller id. Heart thumping loudly inside your chest, your mind went blank once again. You thought it was your manager. This isn't the call you've expected to receive.

“Hello?” you licked your lips while fidgeting over your fingers.

“I'm here.” you heard his raspy voice from the other line as you walk back to the window to look over the view outside to somehow relax your mind.

With jacket wrapped tightly around your body, you roamed your eyes around the quiet parking lot. It was late already so like expected, nobody else is here.

Your light steps doesn't even make a single sound and you can almost hear your beating heart. By the left corner, you saw Jake's car at its usual spot.

He is really here. No headlights and waiting for you.

Hesitation occurs your mind, trying to rethink if what you're doing is a good idea. Countless times you've told yourself you'll tell Jake off and yet here you are again. Sneaking just to steal moments with him. It felt illegal that your heart is hammering so hard over your chest, but it felt good at some ways you cannot explain.

When you are only steps away from him, he opens his headlights like always and waits patiently inside.

“Hey.” he greeted the moment you make it inside his car. His eyes were hooded and obviously tired, but that didn't even lessen his godly visual. For you, Jake Sim always looks ethereal.

You smiled, blushing. “Hi.” you shortly replied.

His eyes racked from your face down to your body. “You dressed for me and damn, red lips? You sure know how to drive me crazy.” he commented after seeing the dress and red lips you decided to put on after his call. His hand reaches out to pull you closer.

You hitch your breath because of the sudden contact from his warm hands.

“W-What are you doing here?” the tone you used felt a little off for Jake. Even if you seem worried, nervous or anxious whenever meeting him here, he can always hears a hint of excitement from you. But today, there's something off.

“Aren't you happy to see me?” he pursed his pretty lips into a pout and shoot you with his innocent look on his eyes.

The wall you tried to barricade yourself with came crumbling right away. Jake and his ways of getting you are seriously a big problem.

“I a-am.” and your hand rests on top of his hand that is now on your bare thighs.

Jake smiles at the sight of your eyes softening for him.

'There it is.' he quietly mumbles inside his mind. 'There's my girl.' he added. The amount of relief that flows through him was just enough for him to flash you his pretty wide smile.

“Oh, I'm very glad to see you too.” he pulls you closer, leaning too close enough for your noses to rub against each other. It sends shivers to your spine and butterflies to your stomach.

His eyes hooded as he stares dangerously at your lips then back to your eyes, like a predator so hungry for his prey standing right in front of him.

“God, you’re so beautiful.” he uttered under his breath that made you smile with a flushed cheeks.

Your hands moves on their own as they snaked over his nape to pull him even closer, making your lips almost touching. It was tempting to just make it touch, but for Jake this is what he enjoys. The thrill and heart-thumping moments he gets from being with you. He loves and enjoys the way you can excite and make him want more. He just couldn't get enough of you.

“Kiss me.” you whispered like a wish.

Jake chuckles sexily, his hand slowly caress your thighs that adds so much tension between you two.

“You don't even have to ask twice.” and so he crashes his lips to yours causing an outburst of feelings that filled your heart.

After the heated make out session, your night didn’t end to right away. He asks you using his soft tone to put your seatbelt on, even placing yet another hot kiss on your lips before he started putting his seatbelts on too. His car then drove out from your building's underground parking lot.

“Where are we going?” you ask giving him a short glance.

He smiles and rests one of his hand on your thighs, “Check the backseat, baby.”

You blushed because of the petname he used, but you obliged and brows furrowed at the sight of a picnic basket. A mat lies beside it.

“We’ll go to our usual spot?” you couldn’t hide the excitement over your eyes when you ask him that.

His smile grew wider, “Yeah. We haven't been there for a while.”

A pout made its way to your lips. “Yes. We’re too busy.”

The two of you arrived at the top of the hill where you can see the pretty city lights from afar. It was honestly breathtaking and the first time you've seen this view, you fell in love. This is a space that is memorable and special for both you and Jake.

“Have a sit now, princess.” Jake snapped you out from your trance.

When you glanced at him, he have this big proud smile as he presents you the now laid down flatly mat that he prepared. You chuckled and thanked him before settling down. He opened the basket and your eyes soften seeing the familiar food that you enjoyed eating together.

“Aw, you didn't have to prepare this much.”

He smirks, “Anything for you.” and lightly pinches your cheeks before setting down a sandwich he made.

The night went on with just the two of you enjoying each other's company. It doesn't bother you that it was already late at night or if its getting really chilly.

Fade in the view, you stared at the daydream looks on Jake's eyes. With that long hair, slicked back and just a plain white shirt. He sure makes you ecstatic.

He leans closer making you hitch your breath. You let him take over, finally giving in to his soft kisses. Your heart almost burst outside of your chest due to the million emotions only him can make you feel.

“I missed you so much.” he confessed so low like it was something illegal.

Your eyes shut as his forehead rests at yours. The feeling of your heart beating insync together was your solace.

“I missed you too.”

After spending some more time under the bright moon and comforting silence between you, he finally decided to call it a night. You wanted to protest and ask if you two can stay for a little bit more, but refrain yourself from doing so. He helped you get up with a smile and he puts back the things to his car while you admire him silently.

So it goes. The drive on your way back to your apartment, he couldn't even keep his wild eyes on the road. Stealing glance at your side from time to time, like as if checking if you're really there with him.

At the arrival in your place, the lights were off and as he takes off his coat you felt your heart thumped out of excitement that he's here to stay for the night.

“Cuddle me?” it came out more of a request rather than as a suggestion.

You nod, agreeing. Jake went to his usual side of the bed and opens the blanket for you. After making yourself comfortable, head resting over his chest while he draws lazy circles at the small of your back, you speak out your thoughts.

“I've heard that you've been going out with another girl.” you starts and you know he heard you because his fingers stalled for a while.

“What you heard is true,” he starts and he draws in a strained sigh. “But I can't stop thinking about you and I.” he added and felt him pulling you closer.

You let out a sigh, nuzzling closer.

“I've been there too a few times.” and you two fell into silence with a mutual understanding that despite the situation you both get tangled with, its with one another where you find the most comfort.

You know you should tell him to leave cause you know exactly where it leads, but for some reasons you always ends up watching the two of you go round and round each time.

It's not right anymore. The two of you had been here before, but you always find yourself with the same ending. You just don’t understand why in spite of being aware of it, you always find yourself running your way back over to his arms.

‘Jake Sim of Enhypen seen out with (girl name) again. The two were seen being intimate with each other... Read more.’

Your mind went blank at the sight of the article that has been trending since last night. Mixed of emotions occured you. The sense of betrayal, confusion and emptiness drawns unto you all at once. It was a heavy emotion.

“Hm, ex boyfriend?” you jolted and snapped back to reality when someone talked beside you.

It was (actor name) and he's curious eyes darts straight at the phone screen. Feeling slightly embarrassed, you glared at him before clicking your phone off.

“Is he your ex boyfriend?” he asks again that made you feel even more irritated.

You already started filming the series so you're basically seeing (actor name) almost everyday. He's nice and easy to get along to, but sometimes he can be annoying too. Specially that he seemed to be fond of teasing you.

“Can you mind your own business?” you rolled your eyes that only made him chuckle.

“So he is.” he concludes and you shoot him glares once again.

It’s been a week since the last night you've seen or heard from Jake. And honestly, you thought you two are doing perfectly fine. That the intimate time you spend together that night was a silent declaration that you two are just for each other. Maybe you are just so naive? So hopeful? You don't know anything at all at this point.

“You want me to help you?”

“Help me with what?”

“To get over him.” he stated innocently.

You scoffed sarcastically like it was the funniest thing you've heard in your life. But he is not fazed at all. Instead, he have this confident boyish smile he always sports that makes him extremely attractive.

“You think I haven't tried everything?”

“Yeah,” he starts and shrugs his shoulder off. “You haven't tried going out with me yet, have you?”

You felt something inside your stomach going crazy for what he said.

“You're crazy.” you manages to mumble despite with a racing heart.

“No, no!” he chuckles, trying to win you over considering his suggestion.

“Come to think of it. There's nothing to lose here. You can get over with your ex, we'll get the promotion for our series. Hitting two birds with one stone.”

You stared at him without saying any words, contemplating. The fact that you are really considering his suggestion is making you wonde if you should stop looking at his beautiful eyes. Makes you think that he's hypnotizing you into agreeing.

“And besides, if it doesn't work then we'll just make it seem like I dumped you.”

Your forehead creased as his smile grew wider.

“Why are you the one dumping me?”

He chuckles, “Okay, you can dump me since you look cute.”

You rolled your eyes at him and glanced at his hand he was offering you to conceal the deal.

And you don't know if it was just because the anger you felt towards Jake or (actor name) just looked so good that moment. But you agreed. Leading you to why you are inside his car now, coming home from your nth date.

It's already been five months and a half since the agreement. You don't know it lasted that long already and honestly you don't care because you are having so much fun hanging out with him.

He was such a fun person. You are completely aware of it before, but when you started spending time together with less people and camera around you, he was so much more. He's so caring, such a soft person which totally contradicts his physical appearance since he shows this manly demeanor, and he takes good care of you. He never lets you overthink at all. He's always there for you and never send mixed signals towards you.

It was scary agreeing to this arrangement. Like taking a big risk that you can end up regretting or loving, like someone coming out of their shells for the first time and finding out that the world has so much more to offer.

“What's making you look so serious there, gorge?” he asks as he taps his fingers over his steering wheel waiting patiently for the redlight to turn green.

You pout and showed him the article you've been reading. “Don't you think I look fat in this picture?”

It was an article about the two of you when you've been seen going out the other day and he didn't even glance at it. His eyes are glued at you completely and his eyes softens at your question. A playful smirk painted his face before he leans and give your cheeks a small peck.

“Damn, you are so adorable.” he whispered but you managed to hear it.

“I asked you if I looked fat here.”

He finally take a look and smirks, “I think you look wonderful wearing my hoodie, love.”

You blushed and smiled. “You are so lucky that you are my boyfriend, (actor name).”

A proud smile spreads across his face while he place a kiss on top of your hand. “I am indeed very lucky, Ma'am.”

You arrived at the parking lot and you gave him a kiss on his lips before leaning away to stare at his eyes. They looked arrogant, people always misunderstood him as intimidating on first look because of his sharp looking eyes. Totally opposite of your types, but he was worth the shot. They might look strong and cold, but they're totally different whenever they're looking at you.

Every time you stare at his eyes, you can feel your eyes heating up and you just want to cry for so many things. A lot of things happened already, but he was there all along. Your past self may not believe it if you got to talk to them months ago from now, but you very much happy right now. Happy without worrying of being left confused the next day or week. Consistent happiness that you never felt for a while.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” he assures you.

With a nod, you left his car and waves. You watch how his car drove off and decided to go inside your building when a familiar headlights went on.

You felt your feet stoned and slowly you glanced at his usual spot. Your heart sank at the sight of his familiar car. Its been months ever since you've seen him.

You blocked him from your phone and tried so hard to avoid him in every possible way. The last thing you remembered that you heard from him is that he announced his break up with the girl he was dating months ago and that he's taking his time off from his group.

His car door opened and you don't understand how to feel at the sight of him. The familiar warmth he gives you was still there, the thumping of heart and stomach churning were all there.

His hair grew longer and his eyes looked so tired and sad reflecting clearly on them. He walks on the passenger side of his car and opened the door.

“Can we talk?” he asks gently. “Please?” he added when he didn't saw any reaction from you.

You let out a sigh and started walking towards him. Instinctively, he rests his hand at the small of your back to guide you inside his car. After making sure you're all set, he went inside and the silence was deafening. It sure is awkward here.

“H-How are you? I heard you're taking a time off.” you started off.

His eyes sets on you and they looked so heartbroken, empty and hurt.

“Baby,” the familiar pet names sends millions of memories on you.

“please take me back.” his voice cracked.

Numerous times Jake attempted to fix what he just broken months ago and failed in all of those times. He knew it was a selfish move to make, but he couldn't take it anymore. At first, he thought that its fine when he saw the first time articles announced you and (actor name) were dating. He was actually briefly happy that you looked happy.

But then as times pass by, he realized that he fucked up so bad. He realized it wasn't him for you anymore when its still you for him until now.

The first time he tried contacting you, his heart sank after he realized you blocked him. You avoided and focused on your career. He tried waiting for you in his usual spot, but you never walked there again, purposely going inside the building through the main door. Everything started to come at him full speed and he wasn't ready for the blow.

Jake’s hope crumbles down when instead of your familiar loving gaze, he was met with a sad look on your face. That’s not what he wants.

How stupid is he to take advantage of you, being too confident that you wouldn’t, in any way, find someone else to replace him? It was his fault. He was denial, but the reality are slowly eating him up and he’s getting weak as time passes by.

“Y/n, please.” his pleading tone almost broke you into bits.

You cannot believe your eyes. The confident and flirtatious Sim Jaeyun was nowhere to be found. All you can see is his soft pleading eyes, tears pooling the sides of his eyes. He looked so... lost and broken.

And you feel so bad.

“I'm sorry, Jake. I think you should leave.” you glanced away and hand reached over the car's door to go out. Coming inside here was a wrong decision.

He was quick to stop you.

“W-Wait,”

You prevent yourself to look at him, afraid that you’ll break down the moment you set eyes on him.

“I know I’m too late already and its all my fault, baby.” he mumbles, sniffing.

'Oh God he's crying. Jake Sim is crying.' you thought to yourself.

“I just want to say that I love you, y/n. I really do and I know to myself that you will always be the only one for me. I can fool myself and try dating someone else, but my heart knows where it belongs.”

Your heart cracked at the sound of his voice and the words that were coming out from his mouth. Never in your life you thought you will here it from him. Too bad, its too late. Love really is about timing sometimes.

You tried your best to glance at him with a small smile. He's in tears and you almost lost control of yourself, but you pull through. A tear escapes your eyes as you cup his face and gently caress it.

“If someday,” he rests as he choke on his own words. “If someday you manage to find your love for me again, come back to me.”

His words were knives straight to your chest, but you tried pushing it out from your mind. You tried hard not to absorb them.

“Goodbye, Jake.” and with that, you left. Since it was so hard for you to ask him to leave, you're the one who left.

Jake was your comfort for quite some time. He was your warmth from the cold, your peace of mind and your soulmate. He will always have a special part in your heart no one else can take, like a childhood blanket that helps you sleep well, a pair of shoe you used to love and wear all the time, a favorite pajamas you wear at night.

You know when sometimes you tend to try out new styles whether its clothes or hair colors, but always find yourself going back to your 'comfort' style. That certain style that comforts you, gives you confidence and destinct warmth, that's Jake Sim for you. He is your style.

But sometimes change is not so bad. Sometimes, stepping out from your comfort zone is a great step for self development, for growth.

Jake Sim is definitely your style, and just like any other phases, they pass. You outgrew them in order to be better. You may leave that phase behind, but great memories you experienced through it, with him, will be cherish forever.

eeunoia 2024 © all rights reserved.

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[thesensteawitch]

What 2023 taught you? {A Nostalgic Hit!} 🎯👀

Pick A Pile Reading

(Left to Right- Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3)

Hey, Senstea Souls!

Welcome to another collective reading. Here you'll get a glimpse of the year 2023 and what it taught you. Also, a tip for 2024 is given at the end of each pile. I hope you find the reading helpful!🤍

Please DM me for personal reading.

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A Nostalgic Hit! + One Line Guidance For 2024

Pile 1

Tarot Cards- King of Wands, The Wheel of Fortune, 10 of Pentacles, Page of Wands, The World, 5 of Pentacles

Animal Spirit- Beaver

Well, pile 1 I see that this year has taught you to come out of the cyclical nature of your mind. This year taught you to be more focused and detail-oriented. It showed you intricate details especially when you were struggling. At the beginning of the year, you were okay with being in a box, in your own tiny space. But the scope for your growth became stagnant. You may have had anger outbursts. The dream you had somehow shattered because a new dream was emerging. You were coming out of your cocoon. Achieving goals became impossible to imagine. But you were divinely pushed to have hope and keep believing in the impossible even though it seemed delusional. And as the year started to approach its end you started to see some clarity. Without knowing you become the master at what you do. Something didn't work out the way you wanted it to but it worked out completely different from your imagination. Some of you may also have felt stuck in family dynamics and now I see healing in that area. You fought so many battles within a year. You broke more than one cycle this year. Wow! You were being prepared for the ultimate abundance that you deserve. Something in your DNA needed to be changed. Something significant happened during April, May, and August. No matter what you did you found yourself coming out of one circle to entering into another one. But now this cyclical process is over! You did it! You learned the importance of planning and understanding life as a whole. You learned the true value of actions and what's the best way to make long-term plans work. Some of you were looking for financial stability which impacted you emotionally. But now I see you are almost out of the lack phase and are entering into the phase of abundance.

One line tip for the next year:

Tarot Cards- 4 of Swords, 3 of Pentacles, Knight of Cups

Don't settle for breadcrumbs or stay in a relationship more than you should. (Strong Earth energy I can sense.) There's a soulmate out there waiting for you to come out of the relationship trauma.

Get your 2024 blueprint and be extra prepared for what's coming. (With Remedies/Recommendations)

3 Months- $10

6 Months- $20

9 Months- $30

12 Months- $40

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Pile 2

Tarot Cards- Temperance, The Hierophant, 7 of Cups, 6 of Pentacles, 8 of Cups, The World

Animal Spirit- Owl

Hello, my dear pile 2. I see that 2023 taught the true meaning of give and take. It taught you how to balance. It taught you that you too deserve to receive love and effort. It taught you to walk away from anything that is not helping you grow or relationships that are keeping you stagnant. You learned the truth of selfless service. You can discern better when it comes to your emotional mind. Now you know what being at peace truly means. Something major might have happened around August. Perhaps, you found the courage to let go. You've freed yourself from always being in your head. You have learned so much that now you are capable of guiding others. You are finally gaining the light that shines within you. For some of you, I feel as though you have understood relationship and friendship dynamics pretty well there's still something lingering around that you need to deal with. There's something you still can't let go of or stop wishing for. There's a wish that you are attached to and you need to let go of the attachment. As soon as you become happy without the idea of having it you'll see it coming. This year brought you closer to spirituality but you still have a long way to go. I hear, “August slipped away like a bottle of wine 'cause you were never mine.” For some of you, I see that somewhere you still hope for someone to change. Perhaps, somewhere deep down you are pretending that you are over someone but you truly aren't. This year taught you a lot in terms of relationships and I hope you carry forward the lessons into the next year as well.

One line tip for the next year:

Tarot Card- Death

A spiritual transformation is coming your way. You may need to let go of something that might hurt you but it will be needed.

Get your 2024 blueprint and be extra prepared for what's coming. (With Remedies/Recommendations)

3 Months- $10

6 Months- $20

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Pile 3

Tarot Cards- Queen of Pentacles, 8 of Swords, 6 of Swords, 5 of Cups, The World, King of Pentacles

Animal Spirit- Hyena

So my dear pile 3 I sense some conflict between your divine counterparts (Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine). Some of you may be questioning your identity. You thought you were over something but then suddenly this year made you realize that there's more to this world and there's more to you. It was uncomfortable for you to accept yourself. For you, there was no way out of this misery. The problem is that you let the situations define you, and others' opinions define you. You didn't move based on your choice but you moved or made a decision based on what others perceive of you so that you still can be loved. You were or still are trying to prove something to the world. I hear, “You make me glow but I cover up won't let it show.” I am sorry to say but I see that there's a huge lack of self-love here. And you are still making peace with yourself. You are still learning to accept yourself. But the good news is that this tough cycle is about to end as the Capricorn season ends in January. Slowly but steadily you'll be out of this mess. You will find the courage to take the action. You need to. And you must. This year taught you what it looks like to see and feel the truth. It might have been uncomfortable but was necessary for your growth. You've suffered on the soul level and it's time that you take the right action and not what the world deems right.

One line tip for the next year:

Tarot Card- The Star

Deep down you wish to love yourself and that wish is coming true. Stay true to yourself.

Get your 2024 blueprint and be extra prepared for what's coming. (With Remedies/Recommendations)

3 Months- $10

6 Months- $20

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12 Months- $40

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[filmbyjy]

TWITTER SUCKS! > thirty-five! my other half

synopsis > who knew you could become famous overnight for paying $8 for a single blue checkmark? however, it does come with consequences…what happens when the actual BELIFT Lab comes knocking at your door. all because you simply impersonated your bias.

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a/n: i am so sorry this took soooo long but i was procrastinating and i was mentally recuperating. blaming my studio project for this 😍 this is the final chapter of TWITTER SUCKS! it's also a little chaotic and honestly have a feeling i lost my writer's touch since i haven't wrote in a long time. however, thank you for joining me on this ride and sticking around till the end! I will be coming back with more writings and hopefully continuing with the series that I had before! of course, the new smau that will come out eventually ‘Collie Duty’ which I have no plans to release just yet😪 but it will be released maybe in the second half of 2023!

[placing this in case the read more messed up]

who knew after an incident that so happened to go viral. to the point where you were kidnapped and threatened to be sued by BELIFT, would actually get you to meet lee heeseung and be his girlfriend.

the past 7 months you could never have thought that. it had only been 7 months but it felt like a whole year when it happened. somehow it felt nostalgic looking back the tweets you had. it was hectic. complete 0.01% chance of this happening to anyone in the world. yet, somehow you were blessed to have gone through this.

you managed to steal heeseung’s heart. you made new friends but they’re actual idols (read: enhypen). you became famous. fought a company for a stupid reason which was that you were impersonating their idol. you even kicked a creepy staff out of BELIFT! which, you weren’t surprised. she’s a sasaeng at this point. maybe worse.

but oh my god, dating lee heeseung. it’s such a blessing-

“princess?” heeseung waves his hand in front of you. “are you having an inner monologue or something?” he snorts.

you rolled your eyes, “do you never have an inner monologue?”

“no? why would I?”

“lame. you ain’t in your main character era.”

“princess, I’m always the main character and you know it.” he smirks. you shoved him lightly.

“god, you’re starting to sound like sunghoon.”

“hmm, it’s as if I haven’t been living with him for the past 3 years.” he says with sarcasm.

“did you and sunoo have some sass off or something? why are you so sassy today?”

“sorry, I just don’t understand why some ENGENEs don’t appreciate the dancers’ hard work. I mean I get they’re girls but fucking hell, we’re just dancing to the choreo given to us.”

“well, do you want my honest opinion?”

“oh are you jealous too, princess?” he smirks a little.

“yeah, I am but i’m jealous of you. not the dancers. they’re hot. do you have their numbers by the w-”

“no. I don’t text the dancers so you can’t have their numbers.” he sulks.

“aww, is my little heeseung angy.” you cooed at heeseung. he huffs.

“angy isn’t even a word.”

“in my books it is and besides you’re so cute when you’re jealous.”

“I thought you’d be mad.”

“pfftt why would I be mad. I know it’s just a dance, you’ve practiced this for months. which makes it even better for the chemistry.”

“yeah but my part has you know…”

“what? her just literally trailing her hands on your arms? I mean it did get me jealous but at the end of the day, who are you kissing?” you smirked.

“you…” heeseung pouts.

“exactly.” you smiled. “i’m not worried about you cheating on me, heeseung. besides, I don’t think you could cheat on me because you love me too much.”

“you’re right.” heeseung grabs your hand and squeezes it. “I love you too much for that.”

“that’s my boy.” you proudly say.

meanwhile, on the other side of the wall.

“jayyyyy.” mae whines. jay smirks.

“what is this? my girlfriend is acting all whiny? it’s like you and (name) noona switched bodies.”

“urghh i’m sorry i’m having period cramps.” mae complains. jay’s eyes widened.

he gasps, “my queen is in pain? oh my god, let me go grab tons of period care things!” jay runs out of the room.

there was a scream across the hall.

“YAHHH NISHIMURA RIKI!!! DID YOU USE MY FACIAL WASH???” subin yells.

there were a couple of haste footsteps, which only meant…

“NOONA WAIT!” ni-ki yells out. let's all pray for ni-ki that he gets out alive safely.

"YAH YAH! break it up!" jungwon yells.

both you and heeseung could hear the commotion in the background but you could careless about what was going on because...

"it's you and me against this world, princess." heeseung purrs.

"are you trying to seduce with 'Bite Me' or something?" you deadpans.

"what? no-" heeseung sighs. "forget it. I was just being romantic."

you narrowed your eyes at heeseung, "anyways, i heard you guys are gonna start with world tours soon."

"ah, right. the 'fate' world tour. will you be watching it?"

"do you think i'm made of money? heeseung, i'm a broke college student."

"you have a job?"

"a mere cafe job. that's gonna take me months to save up. i could even barely afford to buy the ‘Dark Moon’ album.” you huffed.

“aww, princess. you have me, I could’ve gotten the albums for you for free and I could’ve thrown my photocards in there for extras.” he pinches your cheeks.

"now where is the fun in that? i like the surprise element of opening albums."

"and if you don't get any of my photocards?" heeseung folds his arms.

"then too bad. oh right, i saw jay looking sooo hot in that vampire photocard-"

heeseung shuts you up with a kiss. there were screams at the door and they were both from jake and sunghoon. you couldn't fully make out what they were saying. something about how mae and jay were busy being chummy, sunoo and subin pinching each others cheeks and then kissing each other.

you couldn't bother to focus on them. not when you have such a hot boy kissing you right on the lips. the same hot boy who was also your boyfriend.

and you couldn't ask for anything better than this.

you were happy.

series taglist[closed]: @lovers-szn @shiguresohmas @moonshoon @byunappetit @strvlveera @rikisly @4lythe @lalalalawon @beansworldsstuff @enhastolemyheart @jaehaki @shinsou-rii @jeanbob @sxftiell @renchai @nyfwyeonjun @invusblog @lhees01 @donghyckl @enhafika @dimplewonie @foxsunoo @run2-gyu @lvrjjun @curly-fr13s @bubblytaetae @raikea10 @ce1ight @luvlee1313 @rizzshimura @soobisrealgfnotfake @stantxtorurmissingout @l0tisflower @jseobsky @lovelickiez @liliansun @kyanmeai @nobodyshallenter @faeryhee @pkjay @mlink64 @luxurystark-jackson @aleombre @yenqa @heestrawberries @soaen @ckline35 @http-gyu @climbingmandevillas @stopeatread @y4wnjunz @aetherlol @whippedforbeomgyu @elisabeth-02

#this chapter was short and I felt like it wasn’t that great #but hey the series ended🥹 #thank you all for sticking around🫶🏻 #enhypen #enhypen imagines #enhypen imagine #enhypen angst #enhypen smau #enhypen fluff #TWITTER SUCKS! #TWITTER SUCKS! smau #heeseung #heeseung imagines #heeseung imagine #heeseung angst #heeseung smau #heeseung fluff #lee heeseung #lee heeseung imagines #lee heeseung imagine #lee heeseung angst #lee heeseung smau #lee heeseung fluff #kpop #kpop smau #smau

[watchmegetobsessed]

Harry has been your first ever crush. As your brother’s best friend, it was kind of inevitable to fall into the cliche of yearning after the boy that always hung out in your basement, playing video games with your brother and eating out the fridge. He was practically family. Well, not to you, because you always harboured deeper feelings for him, but you kind of always knew he only saw you as a little sister. with an age gap of four years, he always felt like he was out of your reach, way too old for you.

But the years went by, he went off to college with your brother and you did the same when your time came and suddenly you weren’t a little girl anymore but a 26 years old woman with a buzzing career and a whole new, independent life away from where you grew up.

You were visiting home and it happened to be at the same time your brother did too along with Harry who was still his best mate. Your mom invited him over for dinner and you were nervous to see the boy you were so desperately in love with as a teenager. You put on a nice dress, did your hair and makeup and excitedly waited for him to arrive.

When he walked in it was like all the air got knocked out of your lungs and suddenly you were thirteen again. He had the same smile on his face, a bouquet of flowers in his hands for your mom and he wore a blazer over a button down shirt which felt like an odd outfit for him but he somehow still made it work. His eyes locked on you and it seemed like he was speechless, taking the new, grown you in. Last time he saw you you barely just turned eighteen, you were definitely starting to look more mature then but you were nowhere near your current form.

“Y/N, hi!” he softly greeted you before pulling you into a hug.

Dinner felt like heaven and hell at the same time, because you couldn’t stop staring at Harry, you wanted to ask a million questions but you kept quiet, sipping on some red wine. You played some board games later and talked some more before the boys went down to the basement for some nostalgia and your parents called it a night. You showered and tried to get yourself to bed bout you felt so restless, you went down to the kitchen to make yourself a tea but were met with Harry already putting on the kettle.

“Can’t sleep?” he asked with a cheeky smile as he grabbed a mug for you as well, still moving around the place like it was his home.

“Too much on my mind,” you shrugged.

“Maybe it would be easier if you unloaded some of it,” he suggests, pouring the hot water into the mugs.

“You want to have a heart to heart with me, Styles?” you chuckle as he hands you the mug.

“Only if you want to.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t trust myself around you.”

Your bold answer surprised him as he looked at you over the brim of his mug, analysing your words wildly.

“Did I do something to earn that?” he asked at last.

You shook your head. “No. But I’m feeling very nostalgic right now and I feel like a teenager again. And as a teenager I was madly in love with you.”

You had no idea where this courage was coming from, the flirting, the eye contact, it was all so daring but you couldn’t and didn’t want to hold yourself back.

“Is that so?” he hummed and his face was unreadable.

“Yeah. Surprised?”

“Not entirely. I had a suspicion, but I guess it never registered in my mind.” He took a sip of his tea, his eyes glued to you. “But I guess it hit me in the head when I saw you tonight.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you tilted your head to the side.

“It means that I didn’t see the little girl anymore, just the beautiful woman you are today and for a moment I debated whether you still feel the dame about me or if you’ve moved on.”

Now he was definitely returning the flirting and you liked where it was going. There was a switch in the air that just added more to your confidence as you put your mug down and moved closer to him.

“What would you do if I still felt the same way?”

Harry stared down at you, his eyes lazily wandered down to your lips and then back to your eyes before he answered.

“I would find out how bad you really want me and then show you that I feel the same way.”

You couldn’t tell if you actually moaned or it was just in your head, but you both moved towards each other at the same time, only for the moment and opportunity to be crushed by your own brother who came into the kitchen with heavy steps, making you jump back instantly.

“Alright, I’ll give you a ride home, bud, I’m ready,” he announced, jiggling his car keys before he headed out.

“How long are you staying home?” Harry asked in a rush, pure lust swirling in his eyes.

“Tuesday.”

“Come over tomorrow?” he asked, backing towards the door, but still looking straight into your eyes. You could only nod before he smirked and walked out, leaving you alone in the kitchen with your hammering heart and the realisation that you literally just seduced your brother’s best friend.

#idk what this is #but i just felt like writing it #literally write it on my phone #i never do that #anyways here is this something pls enjoy #harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfic #harry styles oneshot #harry styles au #harry styles blurb

[bots-and-cons]

Hopefully this hasn't been done before, but this is a request for headcanons. In a world where Cybertron eventually gets rebuilt, what would Knockout/Starscream/Soundwave be eager to show to their human S/O? Perhaps a potential date locations/activities or maybe just as thanks for being willing to share Earth culture with them now that they finally have the opportunity to do the same for them? A chance for S/O to see what they're like in their element, when they're not worried about an ongoing war?

This was a bit hard to write, since honestly I don’t know much about Cybertron itself or the places there, so I just kind of came up with my own things. I mostly focused on the whole “A chance for S/O to see what they're like in their element, when they're not worried about an ongoing war?”, because that struck me as most interesting about this ask. Also I elected to ignore the fact that humans can’t survive on Cybertron without a spacesuit, because I felt like it would be an extra hassle. I didn’t do Screamer, sorry, and I feel like I went off topic… There's also this post that's a bit similar

~Soundwave~

•You’d taught him so much during the time you spent together on earth and now he wanted to return the favor

•There were also a lot of places he wanted to show you on Cybertron, of course a lot of them were still in the process of being rebuilt or still in ruins

•One that was being rebuilt was the amphitheater that once served as the venue for the gladiator fights

•He has some fond memories of that place, but back when it was destroyed he didn’t really have much of a reaction to it, it seemed insignificant at the time

•But now that it was being rebuilt, he felt like it was a new beginning somehow, the place where he’d met Megatron and started his life as a decepticon, was now being made anew, and he had a chance to make a new life for himself too

•He of course doesn’t quite explain it to you like this, but you have an inkling about why he wanted to show it to you

•When the war was going on, you always felt like Soundwave was in this perpetual state of being tense

•It’s not like he had much time to relax after the war ended either, but he’s not as on edge all the time anymore

•He’s most relaxed when he’s with you and he has this new kind of peace now that he’s home

•You very quickly realize that he was never like this back on earth

•It’s not like he’s much different, but it’s like with the combination of having you and being home, he’s found himself again

~Knockout~

•Oh boy, Knockout has so many places he wants to show you

•He drives you around the ruins of the biggest cities and shows you the places where he used to race

•There’s a ton of rebuilding going on now that Cybertron has been rejuvenated, and the refugees are returning to their home

•Knockout is definitely the nostalgic type, and he wants to show you all of his favorite places

•But the sad fact is, those places don’t really exist anymore, they’re mostly in ruins

•Knockout does manage to find some old pictures on a datapad that he had stashed away, and he tells stories about all the places he can

•It’s so nice to see him reminiscing about how his life was before the war, especially now that it’s over, and he doesn’t have to be in survival mode anymore

•Knockout has also come to the realization that he might want to spend some more time on earth, instead of staying on Cybertron

•Now that the war is finally over, he has come to realize that his time with you is limited, since your lifespan is so much shorter than his and he doesn’t want to waste a second

•During the war it was just a fact that anyone could die at anytime, so while he loved you deeply then too, he was always prepared for the fact that he might lose you

•Now that there’s not that kind of threat anymore, he isn’t so mentally prepared for the possibility anymore

•Anyway, Knockout is happy that his home is back, but he isn't really ready to return yet

#transformers #tfp #transformers prime #decepticons #knockout #soundwave #tfp headcanons #transformers fluff #reader insert #tfp x reader #transformers x reader

[real-life-senshi]

Sailor Moon was always by my side. Mitsuishi Kotono and Kitagawa Keiko's special conversation on Sailor Moon Cosmos

(OP: This was from July 15th, 2023. Somehow I missed this article when it was first released... Whoops. Here's the belated translation.)

In 2014, when the new anime Sailor Moon Crystal began, fans of the 90s anime were gushing. We get to see Sailor Moon again...! And now, with the movie version of Sailor Moon Cosmos (both the first and second parts are in theatres), the series has finally come to its conclusion. This time, exclusive to MOVIE WALKER PRESS, Mitsuishi Kotono, who plays Eternal Sailor Moon/Usagi Tsukino, and Kitagawa Keiko, who plays Sailor Cosmos, got their dream to share a conversation come true! They reminisced on their experience during production, how they portrayed their roles, and what the existence of Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon mean for both of them.

「 What I worked hard for in the '90s has actually come to fruition… I really felt that. 」 (Mitsuishi)

― This movie is the culmination of the Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon Crystal series that started in 2014. From the initial Crystal series to this movie, people who grew up watching the 90's anime became the chosen cast… How was it for you, Mitsuishi-san, to work with the viewers of those days?

Mitsuishi 「 That's true. At first, I was the only confirmed voice casting for the film, and then the other Sailor Senshi auditioned and one by one, we finally came together. 」

― It is just like at the very beginning of the work, isn't it? At first, Usagi was alone, but then Sailor Mercury's Ami Mizuno, then Sailor Mars' Rei Hino, and so on, gathered together.

Mitsuishi 「 In the beginning I felt very lonely recording on my own, so I was glad when one by one the Sailor Senshi gathered together. Many of the cast and staff had told me “I’ve watched it back then”! “What I worked hard for in the 90s has actually come to fruition”, “the children who would proclaim ‘I want to be like Sailor Moon’ have become such splendid adults, all of them really flourished as a lady and just like a Senshi” was the impression I received firsthand. Of course, the girls are all professionals, so they were able to put aside their feelings as a fan and tackled their voicing roles seriously, and I felt that they supported me more than I did for them. We also get together in private, and I sincerely feel that I have made it this far because I had their support. 」

― Kitagawa-san, who plays Sailor Cosmos, is also a member of the so-called "Sailor Moon generation," right?

Kitagawa 「 Mitsuishi-san is a goddess to me. When I was a child, the first manga I picked up was Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, which I followed the serialization in Nakayoshi, and was part of the generation that also participated in Sailor Moon’s ``Great Service For All Applicants''. 」

― You can send stamps to the Nakayoshi editorial office and get cute goodies.  So nostalgic!

Kitagawa 「 Yes, that's right. When I first worked with Mitsuishi-san on the JDrama Rikokatsu, the first thing we talked about was Sailor Moon. I also loved Evangelion, so I recall we talked about that as well (Editor's note: Mitsuishi played Katsuragi Misato in the series Neon Genesis Evangelion.). I think it is probably the same for everyone from my generation, that I grew up listening to Mitsuishi-san’s voice, so during Rikokatsu it felt natural and comfortable for me to co-portray the roles of mother and daughter with Mitsuishi-san. Though we hadn’t worked together since the drama, we kept in touch from time to time, so it didn't feel like it had actually been that long of a time. 」

Mitsuishi 「 For me, because I often see you on TV.  When watching TV, I’d go “Ah, it's Keiko-chan! She's so beautiful!” (lol). So I also didn't feel like it had been a long time since I last saw you. 」

― When thinking about Kitagawa-san in this context, we’d easily think of the image of Sailor Mars from the live-action drama, but this time you will be playing a different role, Sailor Cosmos.

Kitagawa 「 I was happy when I initially received the offer, but I was also puzzled. In the live-action, Sawai Miyuu-san, who played Sailor Moon, was truly the center of our group, being supported by the 4 Senshi, but this time Sailor Cosmos’s role gives the impression of being " the root of the Sailor Senshi". Instead of being on the “supporting side”, that this role was so close to Usagi-chan's position, it felt like a sanctuary in a sense... a place that I felt I couldn’t jump into. So while I was very happy to be offered the role, and I was very eager to be a part of this new production, simultaneously I’d wonder “Am I the right person for this role?”… causing me conflicting feelings. I ended up seeking consult with all the members of what is referred to as the “Senshi-kai” (戦士会, Senshi Reunion) nowadays, the Senshi cast members of the live-action series. But, "This is the last production of the Crystal series, I’m so happy you get to play such a role in that, I definitely want you to do it!” was what everyone told me, and so they gave me the push I needed to accept the offer.」

― How was it for you when actually voicing the role?

Kitagawa 「 Before I recorded my part, I was provided a [voice] sample called a guide, and this time Mitsuishi-san was the one who dubbed the guide for me. It was already the perfect Sailor Cosmos. When I read the script, it was difficult to grasp the nuances of Sailor Cosmos' and Guardian Cosmos’s character, but Mitsuishi-san helped me realize it would be fine if I did it like this.  “Mitsuishi-san is amazing...”, I thought again in that moment. I feel that Usagi-chan's voice has also become deeper and deeper with each successive series. 」

Mitsuishi 「 About that, it's because the days have piled up...! (lol) 」

Kitagawa 「 Not at all, to have overcome many hardships, to be able to feel the image of “Usagi-chan of the present” really moved me. On the day of recording, Mitsuishi-san come to visit, as well as Takeuchi Naoko-sensei, so I was very nervous. (lol) 」

― For Mitsuishi-san, what were some things you were specifically mindful of when portraying Usagi-chan in this work?

Mitsuishi 「 This time around, her friends and Mamo-chan that she love all disappeared right in front of her, and in the second part, her friends appear as her enemies. Even though the scenario where everyone had become an enemy had also happened earlier in the series, this time was the toughest of them. Even though I felt fine when I was reading the script, it still became really tough when I actually heard the voices. Even when battered and bruised, I am determined to get back the people who are important to me, with a power that does not spring from hatred, it's with these thoughts I portrayed the role with a positive and great sense of power. 」

「 Having taught me many things, Sailor Moon is a series that is impossible for me to separate myself from. 」 (Kitagawa)

― Once again, what kind of existence does the work "Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon" mean for the two of you?

Mitsuishi 「 The reason I have made it this far as a voice actress is large because of this series, so it's a work that's very important to me. Since working on the Crystal series, I feel as if I'm giving back the energy everyone has given me when I was working in the 90s. Even in my daily life, I have the feeling that Sailor Moon is just around the corner in my mind. For example, sometimes the crescent moon is right above the Sky Tree, and whenever I see a picture of it on social media, my first thought is it looks like a big Moon Stick (lol). "If we had such a big Moon Stick, we could cleanse the entire Earth and bring peace to the world!" I sometimes think of outlandish things like that. 」

― That's an idea that only Mitsuishi-san, who has been playing Sailor Moon for a long time, could come up with... as expected!

Kitagawa 「 It really is! It's wonderful… 」

― And Kitagawa-san, what kind of influence did Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon have on your life?

Kitagawa 「 No matter with the series or with Mitsuishi-san, I've felt a sense of a destined connection with them. It was Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon that led me to make my debut as an actress, and when I worked as a lead actress on a drama series, or when I try my hand at voice acting, Mitsuishi-san often become part of such key moments of my experience. Moreover, this year marks the 20th anniversary of both the live-action series, and my career in the entertainment industry, I feel that Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon had been part of many significant turning points in my life. This is a series that is impossible for me to separate myself from. 」

Mitsuishi 「 In all honesty, I had originally been worried if I should bring up an old tokusatsu work with you given you are a major actress in the industry. 」

Kitagawa 「 I'm someone who prefers to speak openly and face things with dignity. I've always loved Sailor Moon, so much so I was like, "I'm going to audition and receive a role in the live-action version of Sailor Moon and work in Tokyo!" From the filming experience, I was taught filming methods, how to behave on set, how to act, how to dance, etc., and I really learned a lot. 」

Mitsuishi 「 Tokusatsu is a very difficult field. I've always felt that any actors or actresses who had overcome working in Tokusatsu would have the strength and spirit to survive in any field of the acting industry. 」

Kitagawa 「 It's the type of workspace and shooting site where you are required to do any and every sort of thing. Especially for the Sailor Moon series, even after transformation it would still be us actresses who are in costume, so that made it even more challenging. 」

Mitsuishi 「 Behind you it goes BOOM! And you'd still have to walk cooly in front of the explosion. 」

Kitagawa 「 At first I was shocked by the explosions, but I gradually got used to them, even napalm (explosions commonly used in Tokusatsu) I ended up not thinking anything of it (lol). I think the reason I've been able to do this for 20 years without faltering is that I have developed a great bond with everyone I have performed with the drama series. All members of the “Senshi-kai” (戦士会, Senshi Reunion) haven't left the entertainment industry, and we are all working hard in the same world. Even now would go to see and support each other's works, I am sure they will see this film as well. It's because of each other's presence that we have been able to continuously move forward, it's a sentiment that I hold deeply and feel very encouraged by. 」

― Lastly, for the Sailor Moon fans who have all grown up now, what are some of the highlights you'd like to share about this movie?

Mitsuishi 「 I think that as we grow older, with all the talks about 'love' and 'justice' that Sailor Moon does, more and more often we may feel embarrassed thinking about it. But for those who have loved Sailor Moon since the '90s", Usagi-chan's 'love' and 'justice' taken root somewhere in their hearts. So, I hope that this film will help them remember those things that they may have forgotten, and empower them to move forward with their lives with positivity. 」

Kitagawa 「 It's as if I was given the strength of 'positivity' and 'dedication' from this film. As I got older, there was a part of me that became afraid of failure... Because I'm in my 30s now and have been doing this job for 20 years, more and more I began to think 'I mustn't make mistakes'. In this film, Usagi-chan has to face and admit her past mistakes and works to correct her course, the part where she stands back up again to face her challenges, I was touched by that part of the story. I thought to myself, rather than shutting myself away in fear of failure or making mistakes, "I want to live my life with dignity" and was inspired to face live my life with positivity. It gave me the courage to not hold myself back and to take things easier. I am certain many people of my generation are at that point in their lives, too, and I think through watching this film Sailor Moon would give them a push to face their challenges and reassure them "It's okay". 」

#sailor moon cosmos #sailor moon cosmos part 2 #kitagawa keiko #mitsuishi kotono #sailor cosmos #pretty guardian sailor moon #pgsm #sawai miyuu #komatsu ayaka #izumi rika #azama mew #pgsm cast #khmyh translates #khmyh's fansub & translations

[darthfrodophantom]

Nostalgic Dannyversary post incoming. (I’m sorry, it gets sappy).

I wasn’t one of the lucky few who got to catch the first episode that fateful 4/3/04 day. I didn’t have cable, so I didn’t even know it was a show that existed. I never even saw a commercial.

So summer of 2004, I was visiting my grandparents. I was stuck inside with horrible cramps from a torturous menstrual cycle and couldn’t swim in the backyard with the rest of my family. I flipped idly through the channels looking for something to drown out the squeals of fun from my siblings and cousins and happened upon the Nickelodeon channel.

I had no idea what I was watching, but the animation style caught my eye as something new and I was intrigued by a white haired boy who could fly. I watched him transform and immediately needed to know what was going on. Turns out I’d stumbled into the middle of Bitter Reunions. I had no idea what was happening, but I laughed at the quick and clever writing style and felt even more curious about why this boy had powers.

Another episode came on next (I think it was Attack of the Killer Garage Sale or One of a Kind - the marathon aired them out of order) and I saw the intro for the first time. I bopped along with the beat, cramps quickly forgotten, and saw the intro for the first time and finally had a better idea why this boy could fly, but oh was it only the tip of the iceberg. I watched 3-4 episodes that day and tried to catch as many more as I could until we left.

I actually didn’t think about the show too much after that until we finally got cable in 2005. I immediately remembered this show and tried to find any episodes I could. I watched some as they reran and some as they aired live, but I kept hoping I’d somehow find the first episode. I’d seen Mystery Meat, but I kept feeling like there had to be a first episode where they covered the accident and I just kept missing it. So then I went to the internet, found out there wasn’t a first episode about the accident, and immediately went to fanfiction to find someone’s take on it.

Six months later I published the first chapter of Tortured Truth and a month after that, the first chapter of A Secret Uncovered. The rest, as they say, is history.

So thank you, Danny Phantom, for 20 amazing years. You have played a monumental role in my life. You introduced me to some amazing friends, taught me how to write creatively, encouraged me to get better at writing, inspired me to try my hand at drawing, got me into play by posts with my best friend which helped me get through college, and fostered my creativity more than any other fandom has. You were my gateway into the fandom life, and I’ve loved every minute of it.

Thank you Danny Phantom 💚

(Please share some of your early experiences with the show! I’d love to hear them!)

#danny phantom #dannypocalypse 2024 #dannypocalypse #dannyversary #nostalgia #it gets sappy #thank you Danny phantom #for 20 amazing years #💚 #phandom #I love this phandom

[dipplinduo]

How would you rank the gens?

Ope I feel like I'm gonna upset some people LOL so disclaimer remember these are just my takes.

But this is how I personally see them (counting remakes as being part of the gen they remaking):

Gen 9 - Paldea Region

I've been thinking about this since the games came out, so I'd like to say recency bias isn't as much of a factor here. Bugs aside, I genuinely, genuinely love the storytelling, characterizations, and open world approach. FRIENDS THAT FEEL LIKE ACTUAL FRIENDS?? HAVING THE LEGENDARY WITH YOU THE WHOLE TIME, AND IT TOO HAS A PERSONALITY & BACKSTORY??? THREE SEPERATE STORYLINES THAT CONNECT TO A CANONICALLY DEAD PROFESSOR AND AN "EVIL AI" FINAL BOSS??? Like omg. I was amazed. I honestly usually dislike the "gimmicks" each generation brings, but terastilization caught my interest and I have a strong feeling nothing will personally top it as a gimmick for me. The DLCs really sent it all home for me for the #1 spot, like oh my god LOL. Past DLCs always just felt like something extra, but I literally cannot see this game as being complete without Kieran, Carmine & the rest of Kitakami/Blueberry peeps & their storylines. My interest in the games only grew because of all of it - and that's a massive compliment given the fact of how hard it is to accomplish such a level of monumental significance with only a few hours of gameplay. I've yet to replay the game with earlier access to The Teal Mask, but I feel like this would make it even more immersive. Just pure chef kisses here.

Gen 2 - Johto Region

A very close second. Heartgold/Soulsilver is the most elite remake in existence and idc if it's old school, I'll die on this hill. Johto is just so full of life - the continuation story is amazing, the immersion into culture and legendary stuff??? Mwah. Silver is an excellent rival, RED being a thing (the ultimate level of iconicism), and the double region will always hit. The soundtracks HIT and my god hearing them remastered iS INCREDIBLE. I even get obsessed with the pokeathlon dome and I'm usually not someone who gets into that kind of stuff. But THEY MADE IT FUN. And I love all the cute activities you can do with your team that can follow you around. So glad they brought this feature back. :')

Gen 5 - Unova Region

Oooooh I loved the reset of Gen 5. It's based on where I'm from and there were so many refreshing aspects of Black & White. From the new pokemon, to the NYC culture, to N & the whole beautiful storytelling there, and a sequel that somehow made everything even MORE polished. I literally remember referring to this region as the "Isshu Region" before the English names dropped becuase of the hype LOL. 10/10, cannot wait for these remakes. Gamefreak don't mess this up.

Gen 4 - Sinnoh Region

Oh, Gen 4. You hit good. The lowkey dreary vibes of Sinnoh is very nostalgic to me, and Piplup is one of my best buddies. Cynthia being the very first female Champion, and being as fearsome as she is, was such a big deal to me. Definetely Barbie'd her a bit in my mind because I look a like her and loved how much of an academic she was (but I def do not have her length in hair, lmao). Soundtracks are fire, of course. The way legendaries were integrated in the story without going too Dragonball Z was IMMACULATE, and the lake trio will always be my fave lil buddies. The only con I'd give this gen is that I disliked the HM reliance & D/P are practically unplayable to me since Platinum exists. I had low bars for the remake once I heard it wasn't Platinum, and ugh, they really dropped the ball. HOWEVER: while it isn't main line, I fucking love Legends: Arceus and would rather have that over an excellent remake, tbh.

Gen 1 - Kanto Region

This is another nostalgia one for me because of the fact that I quite literally was introduced to pokemon since before I can recall most memories (this is what happens when you have an older sibling with a gameboy, lol). It's probably tied with Gen 4, tbh. Firered wasn't my first game, but it hit really good because I "played" so much of R/B/Y. I know Gen 1 has its faults, and it's often seen as being pretty bare bones in comparison to other generations. And while I completely agree, god damn, what a good foundation for a franchise. Every town had a personality to it and is very memorable to me. The soundtracks are FIRE. Smaller pokedex, but damn does team building hit (and the starters are elite). Blue was also consistently my favorite rival until Kieran, lol. #oldrivalshipping/conflictingshipping was the original OTP xD

Gen 7 - Alola Region

So there's a lot of things I liked about Gen 7. It took a really big risk by breaking the formula, and it really immersed me into the Hawaiian culture & seeing your pokemon more as friends. I loved looking at pokemon in a different way and some of the pokemon introduced in this region are among my favorites (e.g. Ribombee, Bewear, Shiinotic, Mimikyu, Rockaruff, to name a few; starters also HIT). NEBBY AND LILLIE ARE ELITE. The professor is so lit, and Team Skull is the funniest team organization alive. AND YES, GET RID OF THE HMS. I honestly think a remake would make this gen jump up a bit more for me - the 3DS could barely handle this game, and it was showing. The facial expressions also need some work LOL, and I honestly dread the tutorial of the game. I like the ultrabeasts conceptually, but the execution of their involvement in the game is very DragonBall Z-ified. Ultra Necrozma lowkey would've been an amazing time for a "light" type even if it didn't make much sense, but hey, it was an awesome nuzlocke-killing moment anyway. xD

Gen 8 - Galar Region

I actually have a lot of play time for this gen. I was very obsessed with it when it came out, and could probably get glued to it all the same nowadays. But in hindsight, I realize a lot of my attachment to it was because of the semi-open worldness & ability to create a lot of different kinds of teams with a lot of new and old pokemon I like (I also liked having access to things earlier, like Ice Types before the end of the game lmfao). I still have a few things I really enjoy outside of it, though, like Hop's storyline & the setup of the gyms being in this stadium, sports-esque setting. But the plot? Eh. I have a lot of constructive criticism on how some shortcuts were made, and especially with the whole darkest day stuff lol. The only thing I liked about that fight was the dogs coming in and being cool; I wasn't impressed by or interest in Eternatus at all. The Leon fight afterward was fun, though! But oof, those weird men with the sword and shield hair afterwards were also just...no. :D DLCs also didn't quite hit that hard - it was more about having more pokemon than anything for me. So overall, it's fun to play, but I'd definitely change up the plot to make it better.

Gen 3 - Hoenn Region

This is where I think some people might wanna fight me, and to that I say you're probably valid. I don't know what it is with the Hoenn region because I actually don't have too many critiques about it (e.g., let's have less water routes); I just have never been able to get into it quite the same as I can others. I should honestly give it another shot, but I think I'd wanna do Emerald over Omega Ruby/Sapphire given the route they took everything with the remake lol. That's about all I have to say on this one since I never really connected with it as much!

Gen 6 - Kalos Region

This one feels like an especially hot take to have atm given where the pokemon community is in general LOL. Critical opinions ahead......Listen...no offense, but Gen 6 just ain't it for me at all. xD It's probably the one gen I actively dislike. The games felt way too easy with too much hand-holding/handouts, Team Flare & Diantha were a joke (and I'm not even a competitive player), and the whole group of friends felt more like an annoyance to me more than anything. They just weren't flushed out right. Neither was the plot. Like what was that plot. Outside of that, a lot of things just felt like "Look! Pokemon is in 3D now!!" over and over again because of how rushed the game was. So other than introducing fairy types & having pretty protagonists with some new clothing options, this gen is pretty forgettable to me. And that's a shame, because I like pokemon! I was one of those people who were curious on if we were gonna connect to Kalos for Gen 9, but I'd geniunely pick the DLCs we got any day of the week. I don't think Legends ZA will change much of my opinion on the mainline game, but given how much I loved Legends Arceus, I'm hoping it can be used to retcon & generate more interest/connection to the Kalos region in general.

Again, these are all just my personal opinions. I hope you all can enjoy pokemon in any way that feels good for you :) <3

#asks #pokemon

[hoetachi]

REMEMBER THE TIME — KARS

do you remember the time when we fell in love?

he dreamt of you every night — it’s almost sickening to think it’s been 10,200 decades since he last laid eyes on his beloved. traveling the earth every decade hoping he’ll find you, or someone as similarly to you but that’s nearly impossible to find a being as unwonted as yourself— you were one of one

he cursed himself every waking moment why he didn’t turn you an immoral once you fell ill— images of your once glimmering cocoa skin falling an washed brown made his stomach turn. he searched the earth of its resources to nurse you back health, however your time was are limited and by the time he returned, your clock had ticked for the last time. your death caused him to take on the ideals of conquering the earth, because to him, if he did you would be right by his side.

ever since he declare his soon rule of the earth, he put his efforts in motion through his loyal companions, however he sensed it wouldn’t be as easy as he thought once news of a ‘jojo’ has made himself known, yet this jojo wasn’t by his lonesome, two women accompanied him. one of fair skin and the other, by the description — made the inside of his chest tighten, ‘it couldn’t be’ he thought, he was sure it could be someone who just favors you but it couldn’t actually be.. you?

and because of that nagging thought that it could possibly be you, it lead him to this very same moment now

“i’ll let you have the amulet in exchange of 5 days and 5 nights with her in my care. i’ll make sure no harm will come to her” he negotiated with the three as they stood on a sidewalk near the royal blue ocean that reflected the dancing night sky. he sensed the intense emotions of the jojo character but nevermind him because his main focus was the woman hidden behind him. he watched her carefully, observing all of her being, which was the main reason why she was hiding behind joseph in the first place

his intense gaze made her nervous, but strangely not in a bad way, somehow it felt.. familiar. it’s been centuries since a man last stared at you in that way and you wish your memory could help you remember who was the first to caused that. the world now since your resurrection (which joseph accidentally caused) has changed greatly yet the beauty of nature still stayed the same and that sadden you because it didn’t feel the same without your beloved who taught the way of the land and learn to worship its beauty, from one being to another.

“you must be bloody mad!” jojo exclaimed with a disapproving brow, you saw him ball up his fist ready to make a foolish mistake so without putting much thought you got in between the two quickly

“joseph…” you shared a begging look and the young man almost looks like a cartoon character with how wide his eyes gotten from what you’re allowing yourself to do.

“but y/n think about this? you’re going to be this monster’s prisoner and we can’t help you” the whole goal was to protect the amulet as well as you and you wanted to leap into the arms of your supposedly biggest threat? of course he was going to look at you like you had two heads

“i understand your concern and it’s greatly appreciated, however when i look at him…” you glanced over to the long raven haired being as he gaze into the distance with soft and longing features, “i feel nostalgic for some reason” you said more to yourself than towards him. soon you felt a dainty hand rest on the small of back snapping you back reality and realizing it was lisa lisa

“jojo, could you please give us a second?” lisa lisa spoke as she ushered you slightly away from the men. she removed her shades to reveal a worried expression, “do you think it’s.. him?” you look away, chewing on your lip as quick flashes of your cloudy memories of the times you spent with a man replayed again. “i don’t know.. however i won’t ever know unless i give this man a chance, besides i could find out his motive with the amulet”

the fair skinned woman pressed her lips as a slight distressed expression formed, but she nodded — giving her final ‘ok’ to the plan before hiding it behind her shades once again. the both of you return to the men and discuss the terms of the arrangement. you hugged both lisa lisa and jojo, “it won’t be long until we’re reunited again” you reassured, “just be careful” jojo warned, giving you one last squeeze before you gave your full attention towards your new guardian

he gracefully extended a palm towards you with gentle yet mysterious eyes

“shall we, my dear?”

➸ part 2

reblogs are ALWAYS appreciated <3.

#jjba fluff #kars x black! reader #jjba part 2 #kars fluff #kars x reader #black coded reader #x black reader #black reader #black y/n #jojos bizarre adventure

[sohemotional]

That Don't Impress Me Much - A Brittana Fic

Summary: The blonde dancer totally knew the effect she had on her. It was so easy to rile the dark-haired woman up and as she beckoned her closer with a finger, Santana kept gazing at her lips, making it so obvious what she wanted.

She leaned closer, knowing that Santana would feel her breathing against her neck and as she expected, there was a sharp, aroused intake of breath from the Latina.

She even closed her eyes, puckering her lips as if Brittany was going to kiss her.

As if.

“My name is no. My sign is no. My number is no. You need to let it go.”

Or

Brittany is tired of being taken advantage of by selfish, egotistical jerks, so she makes a plan with her friend Tina that she can make some idiot fall for her and then ditch them after she has had her fun. Her plans backfire when she’s swept off her feet by arrogant yet surprisingly sweet celebrity Santana Lopez.

Rating: M

Read More on AO3

***This is a companion piece to my other Brittana AU fic, "My Name Is No (You Need To Let It Go),” which you can find here on tumblr or on AO3

Brittany had just about had enough of fuckboys and fuckgirls. 

There she was, sitting alone in a crummy little diner, all by her lonesome on Saturday night, her date nowhere to be found. Being the only hot, young blonde in fishnets, heels so high she was close to God, and a skirt so short it was probably illegal while surrounded by desperate bikers and hicks who licked their lips as they leered at her should have made her feel like she was walking through the valley of the shadow of death. Or maybe she should have felt the way those fish in her dad’s aquarium felt that time Lord Tubbington took up scuba diving as his new hobby. 

Instead, Brittany was unfazed. As she water-skied down the highway of life, she had seen it all. 

That one old Dolly Parton song her mother and Grandma Rose from St. Olaf used to like so much was playing in the background now. It made her pretty nostalgic for the good old days in the Pierce house. Sometimes Brittany felt this one should have been the soundtrack to her life, if she ever had to choose a replacement for “Candy” by Cameo.

Don't try to cry your way out of this

Don't try to lie or I'll catch you in it

Don't try to make me feel sorry for you

Just because I'm blonde

Don't think I'm dumb

Cause this dumb blonde ain't nobody's fool

When you left you thought I'd sit

An' you thought I'd wait

An' you thought I'd cry

You called me a dumb blonde

Ah, but somehow I lived through it

And you know if there's one thing this blonde has learned

Blondes have more fun

There was nothing Brittany loved more than sex and she knew she was the best. Hoeing was her hobby. If there were competitions for this, she would have won the Olympic Gold medal. In fact, she had won the kissing competition in Lima five years in a row easily, if that meant anything. 

Sure fuckboys and fuckgirls were kinda fun, especially when she got them in bed for the fucking part of things but a girl needed some romance in her life too. 

After the first few times, she was over them. No one could hold her interest and it seemed like she never held theirs. To them, she was always just stupid bimbo slut Brittany. Good for an easy lay but not for a relationship. 

Sure she knew she was hot but Brittany was beginning to wonder why she was never the girl who got flowers or love confessions and marriage proposals made to her. She was never the girl who got her happily ever after.  

All she wanted was a cowboy to ride her off into the sunset. 

“Tina, he just left me,” She sobbed into the phone as she heard Mike muttering something to his girlfriend in the background that vaguely sounded like him asking where Brittany was. “I’m at the Little Alien Inn!”

So now she was crying because she got ditched again. 

“Bad bitches don’t cry.” 

At least, that was what Tina told her when she and Mike stopped by to take her home but Brittany wasn’t so sure she was a bad bitch at that moment. 

Mike and Tina each grabbed one of her arms, all about dragging her out of the diner in her bra and skirt when she had started to take off her clothes and perform a strip show on top of a table as she often did. 

“You must think I’m such a mess.” Brittany sobbed, mascara running down her cheeks. Tina and Mike who were accustomed to picking up Brittany from sleazy bars and motels weren’t particularly surprised by any of this. 

“Oh Britt, it’s not you. It’s that vile idiot. You don’t need any of them! Just be your hot girl self. You’re an independent woman who don’t need no man or woman! Hot girl summer and all that.” 

Brittany wasn’t so sure about that at the moment. She felt like a codependent woman who was very much in need of a man or woman. 

“Maybe Room Temperature Girl Summer?” 

Tina shook her head, a long-suffering expression on her face, snorting out an incredulous, unladylike laugh as she passed another tissue to the blonde. She was so accustomed to Brittany’s oddball personality that she had come to expect comments like that from her. Apparently noticing that her tall, blonde friend was moping the night away on their couch with a pout on her face, she took pity on her. 

“Here’s an idea: make a game out of it. Make some fuckboy go all crazy for you next time and then you ditch them when you’ve had your fun and laugh in their face.” 

“Oh this, I’d pay to see.” Mike chimed in from across the room. 

A mischievous smile tugged at the corners of Brittany’s lips as she thought her friends were making a good point. 

That night, something hardened inside of her and changed for her.

Tina was right, it was time she had some more self-respect and Brittany began to realize how much more she was worth than just a quick lay in the backseat of someone’s car until they moved on to the next girl. 

——

She got her confidence back pretty quickly because if there was one thing about Brittany it was that she didn’t stay depressed for long.  

So the next week she was slinking around The Pussy Cat with feline-like confidence and agility, ignoring the men who gawked at her, hissing and cat-calling as she passed by. She didn’t have a care in the world. 

Who cared about girlfriends and boyfriends? She was just there to have fun with her friends. So that’s what she was going to do. 

She was having such a great time that she really did forget about her troubles.

Then she felt her burning gaze on her from across the room. The stranger in question was a Latina with black hair, equally dark eyes, glowing dark skin, and a very slim but toned build. Her long hair fell in perfectly tousled dark waves. 

She didn’t take her eyes off of Brittany once and had her jaw dropped as she took in the sight of the blonde. The blonde had never seen such a clear demonstration of “undressing someone with your eyes” in action.

Brittany couldn’t deny that the woman had this powerful, commanding aura about her. 

She paid absolutely no mind to it, humming to herself as she twirled around and rolled her body perfectly in time with the beat. Then she sauntered back to her friends, giggling to herself as she thought of something her cat had done the night before. 

Sugar tapped her on the shoulder. 

“Oh Britt, you’ve got another admirer. That one is checking you out so hard. She looks like she’s drooling. I can see her boner from over here… ” 

Brittany’s friends began to snicker obnoxiously. The blonde smirked and shrugged. It was super obvious that the painfully horny brunette was checking her out the entire time, muttering “Humina, humina,” but Brittany wasn’t bothered one way or another.

“Oh, okay. I just want to dance.” 

Tina, Sugar, Marley, and the others were gawking at her. Sugar eventually piped up.  

“Don’t you know who that is?! It’s Santana Lopez.”

“Who?”

“Brittany! How do you not know? She’s a celebrity! She was on Bad Girls Club.”

“Oh.”

“She’s openly lesbian too.”

“No duh. I could tell,” Brittany stated dryly, remembering how that woman had stared at her legs and ass. Come to think of it, Santana was still doing that. Brittany shook her head, rolling her eyes fondly at her friend. Sugar was always trying to matchmake her with someone and that girl knew everything about celebrities. She looked down at her nails, inspecting the pale pink polish on them while she knew Santana was checking her out again. “Uh, whatever. So not interested.” 

She definitely wasn’t looking for anyone that night but if she managed to torment them, then that was a bonus. Men and some women always seemed to assume that if Brittany was dancing, it meant she was looking for a partner. 

“What’s all that noise?” Brittany spoke up, hearing a bit of a commotion. “It’s kind of annoying.” 

It turned out that the woman who had been checking her out was being totally loud and obnoxious now. She laughed really loudly, banging her fist on the table and being a total show-off. She threw back drinks until she was visibly red in the face. Then she started to sing as she got up on the table, drawing a crowd until some short woman with a serious expression pulled her back down before she embarrassed herself. She clearly thought she was so desirable and hot. 

She probably thought that Brittany didn’t notice how she kept sneaking glances in her direction. A sly smirk came to Brittany’s lips. This woman was such a goofy dork and she was extremely obvious. Brittany had never seen someone who tried so, so hard and was so painfully lacking in self-awareness. 

It was almost cute. 

Brittany knew this woman’s type just from looking at her. She was also a little psychic. 

She could tell this stranger was such a stereotypical arrogant womanizer with an ego the size of a small planet and thought of women as nothing more than warm bodies. She was so vain, she probably looked at herself in every reflective surface she passed. She was so selfish and spoiled that she thought the world revolved around her. 

She was totally Brittany’s type. 

She didn’t need her though. She was done with playboys forever. 

At least that’s what she told herself when she followed her friends over to the bar. She taken a few sips from the strawberry daiquiri in her hand when she began to blink in confusion as a margarita was placed in front of her. 

“It’s from that lady over there. She sent this and she asked me to tell you that you’re stunning.” 

“Aw, that’s sweet. Tell her I’m so not interested.” Brittany quipped with a sassy flip of her long wavy hair. 

Brittany glanced over her shoulder to see Santana waving and giving her this smug smile that made these stupid, cute dimples deepen on both of her cheeks.

Tina and her other friends were just watching her with amusement as Brittany continued to ignore Santana. All of her friends clearly found this so hilarious, though they were supporting her in her decision to completely ignore all the perverts and fuckboys who were trying to get her. 

“Wow, Santana’s really going for it. Looks like someone’s dying for your attention.” Mike chuckled. 

“Ugh, here we go. I so don’t care. She’s just horny. Why do they always see a woman sitting alone and assume she wants a companion?” The sass was dripping from Brittany’s voice as she tossed her hair back over her shoulder and curled her lip, ignoring the drink Santana sent her. “Newsflash, no thanks.” 

Santana kept giving her the eye no matter how much Brittany made it clear that she wasn’t going to fall into her arms. Ugh, Brittany rolled her eyes with exasperation and amusement, couldn’t Ms. Egotistical take a hint?

Apparently not. 

“Oh don’t look now, here she comes. She got it bad.” Sugar snorted as everyone began to chuckle at the sight of Santana Lopez swaggering over with her shoulders thrown back.

Brittany had to hand it to her, the woman was the only one who had been brave enough to approach her like this all night. 

Too bad the blonde was so not in the mood. 

Brittany was feeling bitchy. She knew the routine by now. They all wanted to know her name, her number, her sign… Brittany was curious about whatever sleazy pick-up line Ms. Arrogant was going to give her and she didn’t disappoint. 

Santana had this stupid, cute cheesy smirk on her face and her teeth were gleaming white. 

She was so typical Hollywood sleaze.  

“Hi. You’re gorgeous,” Okay, she was starting off being a little charming with that opening line, Brittany had to admit but she just knew the sleaze would be coming next. “Dayum, Girl. Where’d you learn to dance like that? Who you dancing like that for looking all hot like that?”

Not for you, Jerk :) That’s for sure. 

“What I want to know is, what time them legs open?” 

Like I haven’t heard that one a million times before… 

It was so lame. Even though she was in stunned disbelief, Brittany couldn’t help but notice Santana now and she gave it back to her with a sassy comeback of her own. 

“Oh, is that supposed to be a pick up line?” 

Brittany was beginning to wonder if Santana had ever actually flirted with a woman before, far less managed to pick up one. There was a flash of lust in her dark eyes when Brittany said that and she looked as if she was about to combust on the spot. 

“So, you know, I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?”

Brittany could barely hold back her laugh, cupping a hand over her mouth as she rolled her eyes. Santana continued to puff up her chest and peacock around her, as if she expected Brittany to be totally impressed. 

“Ooo, is it hot in here, or is it just you?”

She could not be for real. This was the great, powerful celebrity Santana Lopez her friends were in awe of? She really thought she was charming the dress off of Brittany with those corny lines.

Brittany couldn’t wait to tell Tina about this later. She knew her friend would be laughing about it forever. 

“Ooo, I’m in trouble.”

Santana as always, was unfazed by Brittany’s ice cold, dismissive attitude. The preppy blonde decided to tease her even more, getting close and poking her finger into Santana’s chest confidently. Brittany couldn’t deny that the way Santana’s eyebrows rose and her lips parted as if she was flustered by the blonde invading her personal space amused her to no end. 

“Oh that’s how it is, huh? What’s your name, Pretty Girl?” 

Anytime Brittany was snippy towards her, the woman looked at her with obvious arousal written all over her face. She was pushing back her dark hair, trying so, so hard to look all cool and suave but she had this stupid, goofy look of excitement on her face that made it difficult for Brittany not to start giggling. She had to cover her hand over her mouth as she laughed in her face. 

The more Brittany acted all aloof and mysterious, the more she turned on Ms. Egomaniac. She swore she saw the woman clenching her thighs together when Brittany gave another sassy response to her. 

Brittany had been one of the most popular cheerleaders at school and homecoming queen. She knew how to handle vain, uncouth Santana Lopez types. 

Except she had never met anyone quite as hot as Santana before. 

Now that she was so physically close to Santana, she couldn’t stop herself from checking the girl out, noticing that she was slightly shorter than her with a toned, slim build that the simple black dress she was wearing displayed so well. Brittany couldn’t help but notice the slight muscle tone in her arms and how radiant her brown skin was. 

Santana gave her another smug look, as if she could tell that Brittany liked what she saw. Whatever. If she thought Brittany was just going to give in to her, she had another thing coming. 

If there was one thing Brittany knew, it was flirting. 

She learned it straight from her blonde, buxom mother, the original harlot and heartbreaker of Lima in her day before she had settled down. If she wanted to, she could get this girl into bed, easy as ABC. 

Brittany didn’t even have to try and that’s exactly why she wasn’t gonna let her get what she wanted so easily. 

The blonde dancer totally knew the effect she had on her. It was so easy to rile the dark-haired woman up and as she beckoned her closer with a finger, Santana kept gazing at her lips, making it so obvious what she wanted. 

She leaned closer, knowing that Santana would feel her breathing against her neck and as she expected, there was a sharp, aroused intake of breath from the Latina.

She even closed her eyes, puckering her lips as if Brittany was going to kiss her. 

As if.

“My name is no. My sign is no. My number is no. You need to let it go.”

She couldn’t stop giggling at the sight of Santana frozen in place with her lips sticking out, clearly not expecting this turn of events as Brittany just sang that song to her. 

No kisses for you, Hot Shot, She smiled to herself. 

Talk about embarrassing. How was Ms. Big Shot Movie Star ever gonna recover from that one? 

Brittany was a professional dancer and she could easily outdo everyone in the club but that didn’t seem to stop Santana from trying to keep up with her. She began to dance beside her energetically as Temperature by Sean Paul played. 

“You’re cocky. That’s how you dance?” Brittany was in stunned disbelief yet again, amused by the way Santana was being so ridiculous. She was clearly trying so hard to impress her and it was having the opposite effect. Santana was being such a clown and people around them were starting to give them strange looks. 

“You like that, huh, Babe?” The woman was all up on her, her arm settling around her waist as she husked into her ear. “You want all up on this, don’t you? I’ll make you feel so good, Princess. Trust me. I’ll make you scream my name.” 

Santana’s voice was so hazy and raspy. Brittany felt heat rush to her face, right up her neck to her ears, shocked by what she heard… and kind of intrigued. Santana couldn’t really think Brittany would give in just from that locker room talk. She didn’t want Santana to see how affected she was by her comment but of course, Santana saw everything. 

Apparently the woman noticed the blush on Brittany’s face too and she was amused. 

“Is that so?” She challenged, making sure to flutter her eyelashes.

“You bet. I think we should get to know each other better. Preferably with way less clothes on.”

Was that the best Santana had? 

“Hmm, oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you? What else?”

“Roses are red, violets are fine. You be a six and I’ll be a nine.”

Santana might have been the funniest person to ever exist. She couldn’t be for real. 

“Mm hm. Is that all?” 

The celebrity began to tell her all about what she wanted to do with her when she got her in bed, making her appreciation for Brittany’s ass obvious. She wasn’t expecting her to grind up on her like that. The feeling of Santana’s hips moving against hers and her husky voice against her ear made it kind of hard for her to remember that she wasn’t supposed to give in to her.

She was such a horny jerk and Brittany’s jaw dropped in disbelief at how crude she was being as the blush in her cheeks intensified.

Santana was just a little too excited, acting as if she was entitled to getting into Brittany’s pants and that just wouldn’t do. At least not until Brittany was ready for that. If she decided she wanted her. Brittany was gonna have to remind her to back off a little until she wined and dined her enough - if Brittany deigned to allow her to. 

She wagged a finger. 

“Nuh uh. I don’t think so.” 

She needed to extract herself from Santana’s arms. So she raised her knee the way she saw on a TV show about women defending themselves from muggers and got her right up in the area between her legs. 

Not in a fun way either. 

Santana’s eyes went comically wide in stunned disbelief and she took a tumble on her ass. 

“Did I do that? Oops! My Bad!” She giggled with faux-innocence, not meaning a word of it. 

Brittany walked back over to her friends victoriously as they clapped and cheered for her. In fact, almost the entire club had stopped to watch the whole spectacle as Santana struggled to regain her dignity. 

“Brittany, I am so proud of you. You are the ultimate boss, oh my God!” Tina congratulated her then turned back to her phone. “Santana Lopez getting clamslammed and kneed right in the vagina by a mystery woman is already trending on Twitter.” 

“You’re not leaving with her?” Sugar looked shocked when the blonde waltzed over, making her exit. Brittany not going home with someone, especially someone like Santana, was about as rare as a blue moon.  “This never happens. She’s just your type. She’s rich, super famous, good-looking, shallow, dumb…” 

“Not really. She’s gonna have to try harder if she wants all of this.” Brittany flipped her hair over her shoulder with complete confidence and sass, gesturing to the curves of her body. She knew Santana could hear her. Santana blinked at her stupidly a few times, apparently disoriented by her hotness. 

She turned just in time to see Santana limping over to her pathetically. 

Brittany was confused. Why was Santana gazing at her in fascination, as if Brittany was the most gorgeous, entrancing being she had ever encountered even though her groin and ego were in a world of hurt?

“What’s your name?”

Maybe it was because Santana was so cute but Brittany couldn’t help but flirt a little despite herself. Maybe she didn’t want their game to be over just yet. They were both sweaty and flushed, somewhat breathless from all the dancing. 

“You need to let it go,” She teased, watching Santana closely as the woman attempted to regain her composure and act like she was unaffected. “It’s Brittany.” 

____

That would be far from the last she saw of Ms. Can't Take No For An Answer, even if she had humiliated her. 

She had never met anyone quite as determined and persistent as Santana Lopez. 

Apparently, when the Empress of the Universe wanted something, she always got her way and she wasn’t accustomed to being told “No.” 

Apparently Santana was really into the whole prissy mean girl side of Brittany.

She was also the most obvious person on the face of the planet. Brittany snorted when Tina sent her a link to a new article. The headline was pretty interesting. 

Santana Lopez Dedicates New Hit Single to Mystery Blonde - Who is “Brittany from The Pussy Cat?”

A video of her giving Santana a swift knee upward to the vaginal area had gone viral as well. 

Even Santana’s hardcore fans were amused by it all. 

Brittany noticed that Santana had left a bunch of comments on her thirst traps, making it extremely clear what she thought of them. The internet was going crazy making fun of how lusty and obsessed Santana was being but that hadn’t seemed to deter the woman either, despite Brittany ignoring all of her attempts to hit on her. 

That Brittany S. Pierce must have some Grade A Prime Pussy for Santana to be simping this hard for her… 

“Jesus Christ, the thirst,” Tina chuckled as Mike, Marley and Sugar couldn’t stop giggling beside her on the couch in the blonde’s apartment when she showed them her phone screen. They read yet another private message the woman sent to Brittany that was strongly suggesting what she wanted to do with her. “Goddamn. She really wants you.” 

“She’s just horny for me. She’ll get over it.” 

I’m just another conquest for her… 

“Be honest, do you think she’s attractive?” Sugar asked, raising an eyebrow. “At all?” 

She had watched all of Santana’s scenes on Bad Girls Club several times, looked at a bunch of her magazine photoshoots - she figured she needed to do her research, after all - and she even loved her songs that flopped.  That didn’t mean anything though. Santana Lopez was just a silly pompous rich girl just like the rest of them. 

“I mean, if you’re into the whole disgruntled, awkward cat aesthetic maybe. Her upper lip kinda reminds me of a duck.” She deflected. 

Everyone laughed as she said this. 

“You definitely should stay away from her. I know Santana well and she’s a total arrogant jerk. She thinks of women as disposable objects.” 

“Oh, is she?” Brittany snorted sarcastically. “That’s a shocker. Don’t worry, Tina, believe me you don’t have to worry about me falling for her.” 

Brittany’s apartment was so very pink and decorated in such an eccentric way that most people were a little taken aback when they walked in for the first time.

Eventually, her entire living space became crowded with bouquets of pink flowers Santana had sent to her address. She sent ridiculously expensive jewellery, chocolates, and dresses. Brittany didn’t even know how she figured out all of Brittany’s favourite colours and things like that but she wasn’t about to get rid of them… she liked expensive gifts. 

She never responded to any of Santana’s gifts, knowing it would drive her insane. Santana got her number from Tina and Mike, who were their mutual friends. Truth be told, Tina had always found Santana annoying anyway and they were more like frenemies as that feeling was mutual, so she was happy to assist Brittany in her plan to troll Santana.

Brittany answered Santana’s calls just enough to toy with her and keep her guessing, then ignored her whenever she felt like it. 

It was all part of her plan. 

“What am I supposed to do with all of this stuff?” The blonde whined halfheartedly as Lord Tubbington knocked over the growing pile of chocolate boxes. 

“You could send it back if you really don’t want it.” Mike suggested with a shrug. 

“I would… but pink diamonds are really nice,” Brittany pouted. “I might need another dress too.”

“This almost sounds like one of those sugar daddy type of situations,” The man shook his head at her, his eyes twinkling with amusement. “I’m not surprised, since it’s you after all.” 

“Except, she won’t be getting any sugar.” Britt winked. Tina smirked at her in agreement, giving her a high five. 

“You are the queen of manipulation. You’re really gonna get this woman to spend herself bankrupt, aren’t you? Yes, Girl. I say, use all the power you have to your advantage. Stress that fuckgirl out. Make her work for it, Britt. Make her suffer!” 

Sugar, Marley and Jake fell silent, taken aback by the short, gothic woman. Mike glanced over with a nervous expression as he heard Tina’s words, followed by her evil cackle. 

“You’re torturing the shit out of her! I love it. Get it, Girl.” 

Brittany felt proud. 

“Hey, if she wants all this she’s gonna have to work for it.” 

“Hey, Britt, I think there’s someone at your door. Must be another delivery from Ms. Egomaniac.” Sugar chimed in. 

The tall blonde just shrugged, traipsing over and eventually returning with a new parcel. Brittany blushed reddish pink up to her ears, gasping at a new, skimpy lingerie set that she unwrapped. She held up the light blue, lacy lingerie as her friends began to wolf whistle jokingly and some of them made gagging noises. 

Against her better judgment, she answered Santana’s call when that familiar number flashed on her phone a few minutes later. 

“You’ve got a lot of nerve sending this,” She sniffed, trying to sound bitchy and cold as she told her off. “Do you really think that’s appropriate? You horny bastard.” 

Santana was laughing down the line. She was actually laughing, that cheeky bitch. 

“You like it, Babe? Gonna put it on and model it just for me, Querida?”

“I am not your Querida.” 

She did like the lingerie a lot but Santana didn’t need to know that. If her ego got any bigger it would probably explode. 

She hung up before Santana could answer. Deep down, she knew Santana would love that response even more. 

****Read the rest of this story on AO3

#brittana #brittany s. pierce #santana lopez #Brittany Pierce #Glee #Brittana Fanfiction #Santana and Brittany #my fics #My Name is No series #Brittana AU

[fabien-euskadi]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers. 💖

(Thank you very much for the ask – I hope you are doing just fine)

I must confess it’s not exactly easy for me to answer this, since I really struggle to find one thing that can make me feel genuinely happy, let alone five. Still, I am not exactly the sort of person who gives up at the first sign of difficulties, so...

That specific moment when you realize/feel you are definitely, undoubtedly, and unmistakably over someone who broke your heart. I know it's never - NEVER! - easy to reach this state of mind, even after alleging countless times that we are over person x or y. No, it takes more time and effort that we even confess to ourselves, and, many times, we start a new relationship without letting all the past ghosts go. However, there is a moment when we know that the pain we once felt for someone is dead. It feels good when we no longer feel anything for that person. It feels good when memories no longer make your heart bleed.

Looking at the tonalities of the sky, especially (but not necessarily) while driving. The colours of the sky all have the power to make me feel nostalgic, even if, most of the times, I have no idea what I am nostalgic of. But, somehow, lately, I am appreciating the sky more and more.

The scent of gum rockrose. And of elderflowers on Spring. There is something about these two scents that I cannot put into words.

Going to a museum on my own. Sometimes, I need to sanitize my mind, especially if I am spending far too much time on the countryside. After a while among the olive trees, I absolutely crave for a good museum. It doesn't have to be specifically an art museum, even if I have a soft spot for religious art. As long as it is a museum, as long as it elevates my mind from that state of numbness that defines the rural areas. Most of the times, the best way of really enjoying a museum is on one's own. But I absolutely LOVE to visit a museum with the right people - since that doesn’t happen most of the time, I prefer to go all by myself and take my time to savour everything.

Feeling absolutely addicted by a book I am reading. Sadly, that has not been the case for quite a while. It’s been some time since I found a book that left me absolutely in love with it.

#ask

[sappho-ilmarinen]

Panel blocks are weird

I recently got into the kind of horror media that could only be described as "houses that hate you" and it's always some old place or a family home. And while yes, those have the potential to be like that they always lacked a little something for me.

Then I found Tenement, a game by Kitty Horrorshow. She is most famous for Anatomy, which is an other one of these kinds of horror games. But surprisingly, I found Tenement somehow more... I guess the right word is personal. Nostalgic, even.

And then it clicked. It was because of the panel house-esque aesthetic. You know, the eastern european "commie blocks". I grew up in one and it got me thinking. Could a panelka hate you? In any case, here's a list of memories that just. Happened there.

The stairs. They always felt so empty. They were always quiet. They sort of existed in a strange in-between area.

Grey. They were all grey. Some got painted, like ours, it was a weird disguasting shade of pink, faded. But I have seen it being grey, I knew it was a lie.

You always had to be quiet. Anybody could hear you any moment. And you could hear anybody too. My neighbour always sneezed like a monster.

The kitchens were always so small. In the communism/socialism the higher ups said that it's the kitchens were people talk. And where people talk, new ideas can born, not all of which favourig the regime. So they made the kitchens small.

Nightmares. Honestly I think it deserves its own post but while I lived there I always had weird and surreal panelka themed nightmares. Being unable to fly, living in the walls, taking the elevator down to impossible depths.

Heights. Panel houses were usually 10 storeys high, at least where I lived. I lived at the 8th floor. The view was always breathtaking. I loved staring out the window. Back then, I was not afraid of falling. I found an old picture of that view. I haven't seen it in at least six years. It looks like those #easternblocdepression pictures. Yet to me it was beautiful.

I'm not sure where I was going with this. The house I live in now, I don't think it feels anything towards me. That panelka though? It loved me and wanted to eat me alive. And I loved it too.

#ilmarinen.txt #eastern europe #panel house #commie blocks #kitty horrorshow #tenement game #actually im rambling don't mind me #houses and themes got me thinking again

[maydoesthings]

I forgot to send my request a while back but WOO here we go: What do you think of Aizawa and reader being great friends back in highschool ( with probably some secret feelings going on ) but after graduating reader leaves for overseas cos carreer

Now ! Reader is back and is a teacher at UA, so they suddenly meet again 🥳 How does that go?

I'd love that as a scenario! Hcs are fine if you prefer that though. Would it be selfish to ask for gender neutral reader, or just ommit pronouns that'd give away too much? If it's too much feel free to ignore it.

Thank you! I can't wait to read more of your writing :)

okay so I can totally do that! I can do gender neutral ig but I definitely won’t do male. It’s just hard for me to write but the rest should be fine..

I don’t think here are any warnings (if I’m wrong pls correct me)

spoilers for vigilante mangas and season 5?? (just mentions of a certain someone but nothing too revealing?)

masterlist

aizawa x reader - Here we meet again

So here we are again. About 15-16 years after graduating you’re back at your old high school, UA. But now as a teacher. It’s been a while, huh?

All the memories that were made here, it’s a bit nostalgic. You can’t wait to give these kids the school experience you had. There’s also a chance to see your old classmates & friends - now as teachers and colleagues of yours.

You could remember your time as a student here like it was yesterday. It felt a bit similar, the only difference that you’re not a student anymore..

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

The first day at a new school is always scary, right? But it’s just as exciting as scary. So many different students with different quirks and looks it’s fascinating. Those students are going to be the future heroes.

Some friendships were made fast, like really fast. For example there were those two loud and cheerful boys. Oboro Shirakumo and Hizashi Yamada. They became friends quickly and even dragged another boy- Shouta Aizawa along. He wasn’t as happy, actually he was the complete difference. Tired, introverted, sarcastic and very quiet. But somehow it worked out between them. They soon became the iconic UA trio from class 1-A.

You hadn’t had as much luck as them. You also made friends pretty quickly, but the boys and girls you hang out with were judging, complaining and gossiping a lot. And I mean a LOT. It was okay but you had to watch your every move around them. They also weren’t very fond of the iconic trio. They talked about them a lot and you couldn’t really understand why. What did they do? They are pretty nice to everyone and also funny.

You often heard this and that-

“God, Aizawa looks so weird, does he sleep at all? Emo boy”

“Why is Yamada so god damn loud? Also, wtf is wrong with his hair and sun glasses?”

“Shirakumo looks always so proud. He hasn’t any embarrassment at all. I get second hand embarrassment just thinking about him. All three of them think they are so god damn cool. Just a bunch of nerds”

You never said anything in those conversations because it wasn’t really true? They are actually really cool and they look like they have a lot of fun. Just let them be! But they always noticed. They always noticed how quiet you were when it was about them. How you never said anything or agreed with them. How you greeted the three every morning. How you never looked disgusted when looking at them.

So they confronted you. Also made you down, because you’re ‘also a nerd’ and that you ‘don’t fit into their group’. It hurt but maybe it was for the better. The only problem- now you didn’t had any friends at all. Sure you got along with all of your classmates, but none of them was truly a friend… So you sat alone at lunch. You never talked to anyone before or after class, expect it was something important. You never had a sparring partner by choice. The remaining one was always partnering up with you.

The trio noticed that. And Yamada and Shirakumo were too kind souls to ignore that. Aizawa actually didn’t care at all. Sure, you were a classmate that was always friendly to him, but he didn’t interact with you much. And if you liked it alone better? He also preferred alone and quiet time, but his two friends wouldn’t leave him alone. So he accepted the presence. They were not soo bad after all.

But the other two really wanted to talk to you, and they did. During lunch when you were sitting alone again, they approached you ( and tagged Aizawa along as well). You were more than surprised about that. But when they started talking about how you seemed kinda lonely and they couldn’t just watch and decided to look if everything was okay, you thought the thing you always thought: they seem like nice and kind persons. You were right after all. They were nice and kind. Proved those bitches fake friends wrong.

They accepted you gladly into their friend group and honestly, you were more than relieved. You finally made friends and they were especially nice people. Since that day, it wasn’t a trio anymore. Now, they were four.

Oboro and Hizashi (you were allowed to call them with their first name now) were always talking while Shouta was more quiet. Talked the bare minimum. But even then, he seemed nice too. It was just hard to know when he always wore that poker face. You didn’t know if he liked you or just tolerated you, but the first time he laughed while you were around you knew he was probably okay with your presence. You didn’t know much about him, expect his love for cats and sleep but he was kinda cute and all. He didn’t look too bad either. Slowly but surely you fell for him. And it just got more and more. When you started your second year, you were deeply in love with his shy persona.

But he would never know that, he didn’t seem like a person to catch feelings. And you could never live the embarrassment down if he rejected you. Yeah no thanks.

Little did you know he actually also liked you a bit more than a friend. Even before you became friends with him he thought you looked good and seemed nice to talk to. But that meant nothing… at first.

When you started hanging around more often, he noticed that you’re a very sweet and happy person. The opposite of him. But maybe this was the reason he started crushing on you. He was a bit boring and not so likeable. You were a good company. A good person to talk to. He always thought he was a bit obvious and you just didn’t like him as much as Oboro and Hizashi. He understood why you’d like them more- he surely couldn’t fall for someone like him so you probably didn’t either. You were perfect and he wasn’t. So he’d never tell you what he thought about you.

Of course it was hard to ignore those feelings when you were permanently seeing each other. The worst things that happened so far was your sleep over. Shouta almost became a heart attack when you were suddenly standing at Hizashi’s door with a backpack. He thought it would only be him and Oboro like always. Not that he minded but he was freaking out all the time. Sleeping in the same room as his crush, seeing his crush in pyjamas and such, dear god give him strength. What was even worse, was that Hizashi has a huge house + swimming pool. Shouta wasn’t ready seeing you in your swimwear. You looked good and it was so embarrassing for him. He looked flustered all the time.

You didn’t notice because you were just as flustered and busy with your own thoughts. Seeing him shirtless was too much for your simp heart. Shouta also didn’t see that cause he was busy calming his flushed face down. Oboro and Hizashi of course noticed that. They shipped both of you secretly but if you two ever found out, Shouta would surely strangle them and you would be just uncomfortable and denying. They learned about their past mistakes not to do that again. But they’d never let them live that day down if they ever become a couple, that’s for sure.

After all you did a lot of stupid things together and hid your feelings pretty well. You were the perfect friend group of four and no one could stop you. Until that fateful day came. After the accident.. they were too busy with other feelings than the feelings for each other. They focused on other things and kinda fell apart. You weren’t as close as you were before, so after graduation you decided to leave Japan and Shouta behind. Maybe this would clear your head.

And it did. It was a great experience but now it was time to come back and teach future heroes.

><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Luckily, the way to principle Nezu was still known to you. Every hallway, every classroom, you still remember it all. The introduction with Nezu was very short (surprisingly) and you were sent to the teachers lounge to get to know the others and to make yourself comfortable before the students would be arriving. You really couldn’t wait to see the other heroes you were going to work with. Some were already known to the public like Midnight or Present Mic (you were really hyped for these two) but surely there would also be some new faces.

When you arrived you were debating between knocking or just entering but before you could think more about it the door was opened by none other than-

Yamada.

God you were happy to see him. He has gotten a lot taller, but maybe that was just his hair that was standing up from his head. Looks like he grew it out. You didn’t even want to think of how much bottle of hairspray he used for his hair to stand up like that… He even got a little mustache. And he still had a pair of ridiculous looking sun glasses… That was without a doubt the Hizashi Yamada you went to school with.

“There you are! We’ve already been waiting for you!! GOD I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!”

Yup, still very loud.. That’s him. He tackled you into a big hug and even if you wanted to return it, he didn’t gave you enough space or air to do so..

“Everyone needs air Yamada… And you’re stealing it away from our fellow friend..”

That was surely Midnight aka Nemuri Kayama. This feminine and seductive voice was her for sure. You’ve spoken a few times with her during your UA years and she’s surely fun to have around.

When Present Mic finally let you go and muttered a quiet (??) sorry you could get a look at her. Sure, you’ve seen both pros in TV and such, but seeing them in person is different. Midnight hat longer hair and also surprisingly to say, her outfit wasn’t as revealing as it used to be.. Which still showed a lot..

You reallyyy missed them.

So both of them got a hug. “Welcome back darling” , said Midnight with a grin.

“Thank you. But could I actually enter the room now?” you asked after releasing them both. They stepped aside and followed you right in after. Everyone looked up on you and you surely recognized a few heroes like Cementoss or Ectoplasm. Before you could say anything, Present Mic chirped in.

“Guys! This is our new colleague and teacher! EVERYONE, MEET-“

“We all got the file Mic, we know who that is… And introducing other people is rude, do you know that?” A masculine voice interrupted.

“Interrupting people is also surely rude Aizawa!”

Wait. Aizawa as in Shouta Aizawa?? Omg he’s here too?!? Nah okay this is going to be way different now..

——————————————————————

song for today - Space Song by Beach House

#mha #aizawa x reader #oboro #hizashi #aizawa #oboro shirakumo #x reader

[pardi-real]

Judgment by Fallen Angel / Chapter 1 - Stage Play Commission

All | Next 

[Devil's Palace, Garden]

One afternoon... I was taking a walk in the garden, when I heard a cat meowing from behind a bush.

> "A stray cat…?"

Rustle… rustle…

Muu: "Meow~, meow meow~."

> "What, Muu…?"

Muu: "Eh? Oh, my lord! Hehehe... I'm sorry, did you hear that?  I was practicing my "normal cat" act."

> "Acting as a normal cat...?"

Muu: "Yes! I often pretend I can't speak when I go undercover… I've been practicing to act more like a cat! Meow~

How is it, isn't it pretty good? Fufu! With these acting skills....

I could even stand on the "next stage" where the butlers are going to perform!"

> "Next stage?"

Muu: "Yes, the butlers were all talking about it earlier. Something about a nobleman… has commissioned us for a new stage performance. The four of them who are available have decided to take on the project."

> "I see"

Muu: "Yes. The butlers really do a lot of things, don't they~? Oh, right. I'm sure they are practicing by now…

If you don't mind, would you like to go see them with me? I'm a little interested!" 

> "You're right, it sounds interesting"

Muu: "All right! Let's go to the dance rehearsal room!"

Muu told me that the butlers were practicing for a new play. We went to the dance rehearsal room where they were gathering.

[Devil's Palace, Dance Rehearsal Room]

Berrien: "Ummm…"

Lato: "Hmm…"

Miyaji: "What should we do…"

Knock-knock… *Click*

Muu: "Hey everyone! Are you practicing hard for the play? Oh, huh…? Somehow, the atmosphere is heavier than I thought it would be…"

Berrien: "Oh, my lord... And Muu."

> "What happened?"

Berrien: "As a matter of fact... The other day, we received a commission to do a "stage performance" by a certain nobleman. We call it a performance, but.... It is kind of like an extension of the entertainment we usually show at parties."

> (Entertainment to show at parties?)

Come to think of it, when I first came to this world.... The butlers performed songs and dances at a ball where the four clans gathered.

The sight of Nac, Haures, and Fennesz dancing on stage... 

I suddenly remembered about that day and felt nostalgic...

> "It was a dance before, right?"

Berrien: "Yeah."

Miyaji: "The client this time is a man who loves to watch the theater. This was before the lord arrived, but… He saw our skit at a party once and liked it very much. Well, it would have been fine if it was just that, but...

He wanted us to perform a new play at the opening of his newly built theater."

> "A new play…"

Berrien: "Yes… It's appalling.

The client is the type that seems to be artistic, radical, and enjoys controversy. And so.... He offered us these conditions.

"You must perform a new, original script about angels." "

> "Are we going to make the script ourselves?"

Miyaji: "Yeah... That's why we were in trouble.

"Devil butlers put on a play about angels."

It's obviously a dangerous bridge to cross. One wrong move and we could end up with a big problem…"

Berrien: "That said, It is difficult to refuse the commision.

The man is a member of a very influential family in Espoir and has a strong influence on the distribution of clothing in particular.

If we upset them, it'll probably be difficult for us to purchase new costumes or fabrics in the future…"

Muu: "Oh, no... Then you won't be able to get new clothes for the lord! ...And I might lose my clothes too... that's a bit of a problem…"

Lato: "Kufufu... You've become more like a butler, Mr. Black Cat."

Miyaji: "We were just discussing what kind of play we should put on. But... we couldn't come up with any good ideas. Fennesz is currently gathering materials in the library.... I wonder if there is such a thing as reference material for plays about angels…"

Just then… I heard footsteps approaching from outside the door.

Click...

Fennesz: "Sorry for the wait. I was looking in the back of the library… I lost track of time...-"

> "Fennesz?"

Fennesz: "Oh-, huh? My lord? Why are you…"

Muu: "Fufu… We came here to watch you practice for your play!"

Berrien: "Fennesz. Did you find any material that could be of help?"

Fennesz: "Uh? Oh, yes… Yes, I did. About the book on "Angels"... I've been trying to recall them from my memory, but... I thought maybe... this book would be just right."

Berrien: "What? This is…"

Miyaji: "It looks like an ancient book, and… The title is "Judgment by Fallen Angel" ?"

Fennesz: "Yeah. A long time ago, in this story by an unknown author.

'Four "fallen angels" who have awakened to their own selves... debate whether humans should be destroyed or protected.'...

It was banned soon after publication."

> "Banned…?"

Miyaji: "Hmm.... Why was it banned again?"

Fennesz: "U-uhm... Maybe it was because of the ending... It concludes with "humans should perish", I think that's what made it not good..."

Lato: "Ooh… That book sounds quite interesting."

Miyaji: "Actually... I'm surprised you have such a book, Fennesz."

Fennesz: "Ahaha... When I'm told not to read a book, it makes me want to read it..."

Lato: "Oh my. Mr. Fennesz unexpectedly misbehaves too."

Muu: "I understand that feeling very well!"

Miyaji: "I guess there are a certain number of people who like such tragic endings. But for the noblemen, it must not have been a good one."

Fennesz: "O-of course, when we adapt the novel for the stage... We make the ending to be the opposite of the novel's.

"Humans should be protected."

I'm sure the audience will be satisfied. Because we, the devil butlers... are the protectors of the human race too."

Miyaji: "I see... The audience will be watching the "argument of the fallen angels"... and conclude that "the devil butlers, after much debate, have decided that they will protect the human race." And that's the impression we can give."

Fennesz: "That's right!  I thought it would help improve our image. That's why I brought this novel...  W-what do you think?"

Miyaji: "Hmm… Yes, you've got a point. From what you just said... I don't think it's a bad idea."

Lato: "As for me… I'm a bit concerned about the original conclusion, but if Prof. Miyaji agrees, that's fine."

Fennesz: "I-I see… Okay, what about you, Mr. Berrien?"

Berrien: "Well, I... I mean… you went to the trouble of expressing your opinion on… but, I'm sorry."

Fennesz: "What…? Mr. Berrien?"

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