#it's literally like 45 seconds long WHY am i like this

[queenofallimagines]

Needy Embarrassing sex with Sae

A/N: Daydreaming about this mans dick what else is new🙄😒 imagining he’s in charge of helping the new manager get accustomed to the team and he can’t help but let his eyes wander

EDIT: MDNI but here’s an audio reference for y’all who not picking up what I’m putting down💕 twitter link 🥰

Sae:

- this one gave me butterflies Ngl

- Bc I can hear his voice

- Like I said he’s a lot more Tame than Rin so he does have an occasional soft spot

- ESPECIALLY for cute little things who can’t even remember the name of half the teammates they’re managing

- Since he’s the best of the best coach obviously tells him to whip you into shape

- “Try not to scare this one off”

- “Not my fault you signed off on someone who can’t even fill a water bottle”

- The coach is praying for you fr

- Surprised that you take the initiative to approach him first to ask him about things

- “I mean you ARE the star midfielder right? You probably have a good read on everyone and how they work so asking you would be my best bet.”

- Okay he loves a go getter

- Pleasantly surprised that you’re asking good questions

- “I’m trying to get as much info as possible so this becomes second nature.”

- Gives you a through rundown of the schedule and what time they take breaks

- Obviously he’s a diva so he’s the most demanding

- Giving you a tour around the facilities

- “That’s the locker room. Wouldn’t recommend walking by here between the hours of 4:45 and 6pm”

- “…..I’ll keep that in mind.”

- Finds showing you around not annoying

- Once you get to the dorms he’s listing off everyone’s sleeping habits

- “He won’t wake up before 8:30 am so if you can manage that congratulations”

- He’s been eyeing you this entire time but he can’t help it!

- He’s a hard worker so anyone putting in honest effort into anything especially when it pertains to him catches his eye

- Not his fault you look good taking notes and analyzing your surroundings

- Stands back when showing you the rooms so he can sneak a peek at your ass

- You feel him glaring holes into your back but it’s not for the reason you think

- He’s infamous for being kinda a spoiled brat but he produces amazing results so who’s gunna say something to him??

- Lmao not I said the cat

- You don’t even peep his heated gaze until you bump into him walking backwards

- Turning around quickly to apologize before he can catch an attitude his eyes are quite literally undressing you

- This man’s whole life is sports so ofc he’s gunna find a track suit sexy

- Will play it off like he’s not embarrassed for getting caught

- “Cat got your tongue? Don’t tell me you’re just now getting star struck.”

- Mans is giggly asf in the back of his head

- He fr ain’t seen someone catch his eye like this in a while

- Logically getting his dick wet right now would be nice

- But also with the new manager on the first day??

- weighing the options in his head and the way you look up at him and go

- “What about you? What do you want from your manager?”

- He threw caution to the wind

- Everyone else is busy with practice and he can make up some lukewarm ass excuse as to why you guys took so long

- Testing the waters by letting one of his hands rest on your lower back

- Mamma ain’t raise no bitch so he’s relieved you immediately return his energy

- He’s not wasting anymore time and pulls you in for a kiss

- Mans is STARVED for intimacy like this so he’s definitely a little more vulnerable

- Like that’s definitely the reason your lips fit so well against his

- Why your body curves into his so nicely when he carries you to his bed

- Yeah that’s definitely it

- Feeling himself get embarrassingly hard so fast he’s feverishly tugging at your sweatpants

- “Let me make you feel good, there you go.”

- The quiver in his voice isn’t missed

- You have a once in a lifetime free pass to tease THE Itoshi Sae

- PLEASE TAKE IT!!

- Grind your hips into his while tugging at the hair at the nape of his neck and he will let out some of the sweetest moans for you

- It really has been a while the way his hands are shaking to pull off his own clothes

- Pull him down to kiss you, distracting him from his current task

- He’s weak for being pushed around a little

- Throws your legs over his shoulders without warning

- The way he’s got your legs spread wide for him and he’s eye level with what he wants has you avoiding eye contact at all costs

- Moving his head between your thighs he’s damn near moaning with his mouth all over you

- Holds your trembling thighs still right beside his ears as he shamelessly moans into your cunt

- “You taste so fucking good, gonna use my fingers.”

- This man has not had pussy I’m so long he’s acting FOOLISH

- If he even took a moment to BREATHE he would be giving you heart eyes

- The way he’s singing praises while sucking your clit and angling his fingers to hit your g-spot all at once

- Man is filthy, and he’s not at all ashamed like he’s grown

- Spitting on your clit before he starts rubbing it with his thumb

- While his mouth and other hand are busy getting as much of your taste as possible

- The type of man to need to lay a towel down no matter WHAT your doing in bed

- Very “wait I didn’t shave” “did I ask all that??” Energy imo

- He’s gunna have you cumming on his sheets anyway so what do all that matter??

- Looks up and sees you covering your face trying to keep your noises down and that shit don’t fly w him

- “Keep covering your face and I’ll tie your hands to the bed.”

- And he’s dead serious too

- Comes up to kiss you not caring if you taste yourself because he wants to feel your lips THAT bad

- The way he refuses to break eye contact only serves to make you more shy because they’re glossed over with desire

- making sure you can’t squirm away from him has he has you cumming on his fingers

- “Feel good?… Yeah? like how i stretch you out? Let me feel you come undone then.”

- Whew IK he talks you through it😫

- “Keep your eyes open.”

- “S-sae I can’t-“

- “You can and you will, pretty thing.”

- Feels your nails digging into your wrists as you clench around his fingers

- “Ah. Almost there? Make a mess f’me.”

- Almost came in his pants watching your eyes roll back

- Since he IS shameless he’ll lick his fingers clean as you’re forced to watch him

- Dramatic as fuck the way he groans about you tasting good

- “Let me watch you play with it.”

- Watching your small fingers curl inside your pussy as you mewl in embarrassment almost has him intoxicated

- Throwing his damn clothes anywhere

- He’s not too stupid to not tease you a little tho

- “If you’re that shy turn around and hide your face in the pillows”

- Nothing is EVER that easy with him

- Cursing and grunting under his breath as he slips it in

- “How about you set the pace. Fuck me how you want”

- Chuckles as you hide your face in the pillows while fucking back into him

- He knows how to put on a performance before all else too

- “Use my cock cmon, make me proud and fuck me good pretty.”

- He’s moaning like a whole ass pornstar head thrown back and everything

- Trying not to move because this is your “punishment” for being all shy

- Can’t help it when you look back at him face clearly burning and whimpering at how embarrassing this is

- Praising you which makes it even MORE embarrassing

- “There you go” “fuck me till I come cmon” “you can do it”

- Like bro SHUT UP😭

- However the way you’re squeezing him tells otherwise

- When he feels you come around him he grits his teeth and says a small sorry in his head before he shoves your face into the mattress

- Feeling you wrapped about him had him fr loosing his mind

- Might skip all of practice just to keep doing this

- “Mhm, you can cum on this dick.. i wanna see it messy."

- Stretches out his words and talks all slow

- He is an Itoshi though unfortunately

- “W-wait Sae, 's too much, you're too fucking big."

- Has you seeing stars like never before

- Clit pincher🗣️ hair puller🗣️

- “Sayin’ it's too much but whining for more? Can't make up your then mind I’ll decide for you.”

- Pushing you deeper into the mattress with his whole body weight

- Grunts and moans RIGHT into your damn ear because you’re squeezing him so might tighter shouldn’t he tell you how good you’re making him feel?

- “At least your cunt knows what she wants, pretty pussy sucking me in and won’t let go. Want me to fill you up that damn bad?”

- Failed to take into account that all he wants to do now is lay down and spoon you while you cockwarm him

- But alas this is the shared dorm and NOT his apartment

- And he has no clue how long y’all been at it

- Helps you clean up while wobbling slightly

- Makes sure there’s no trace of what yall did but the sheets to his bed being in the washing machine

- Nobody thinks nothing bc he’s an upper class brat who needs things to be pristine

- Some people get suspicious when it happens like 5 times a week though….

- He does all his laundry separate so there’s no one to see how your underwear accidentally falls out the pocket of one of his jackets

- Everyone congratulates you on somehow going above and beyond so well that The Sae Itoshi acknowledged you!

- He didn’t think after the first time that looking at your ass you’d be enough to make him embarrassingly hard in public but oh well

- “Continue in my absence I’m going to check if the manager has the new schedule.”

- A few people see red scratches peeking out his jersey but meh probably just the imagination

#my writing #x black reader #blue lock #bllk #bllk smut #bllk sae #nsft #sae itoshi #sae smut #itoshi sae #my god i love him #I hate his ass too #like I heard some Va talking all slow and I was like yeah that’s him #blue lock x reader #blue lock smut #blue lock scenarios #blue lock x black reader #pussy put him to sleep now he calling me NyQuil #bllk x reader smut #using all the tags bc that ONE mf with their lame ass memes @ the top of the tag #make your own tag on your blog good god bc when I go looking #all I see is youuuu #like I got beef w you on principal :/

[doctorbunny]

(Part 6) MILGRAM x AVOIT bluetooth earphones collab: Mikoto and Kotoko voice lines

[Brief context: On 28th December 2023 a crossover was announced for bluetooth earphones featuring original voicelines from MILGRAM characters. [Website]

PRISON.009 Mikoto Kayano Vertical text = こんなところで何やってんだろ、僕 = What am I doing in a place like this...? [the first line of Mikoto's first voice drama]

Voice Guidance: 電源オーン = Power O~n 電源オーフ＝Power O~ff 接続成功、やったね = Connection successful, woohoo! [he cheers 'yatta ne' same as Yuno did, which is a celebratory cheer, so you can imagine him saying 'yippee' here too if you'd prefer ww] 接続解除 = Connection terminated ペアリングしてるからちょっと待ってね = It's Pairing so just wait a bit, ok? ペアリング成功 = Pairing successful あれ、ペアリング失敗しちゃった = Eh- The pairing didn't work at all そろそろ充電したほうがいいんじゃない? = Shouldn't you put it on charge soon? ノイズキャンセリングオ〜ン = Noise Cancelling O~n アンビエントマイクをオンするよ = Ambient mic turned on, y'know ノーマルモードだよ = It's on Normal Mode

Random Voice: ヒトゴロシとか言われても、知らないよ･･････ = Even if they're saying I'm like a murderer or something, I don't know anything about it おつかれー。たまにはおやすみしなよ~ = I'm exhausted-. It's pretty rare that I get a good rest~ そういう音楽聴くんだ。センスいいね = The kind of music you listen to. You've got good taste マッピー、恋バナしよ、恋バナ = Mappi-, lets chat about love, girl talk! [the word Mikoto uses here is 'koi bana' which was also the name of minigram 45, it literally means a kind of light, gossipy chat about love, but officially got TL'd as 'girl talk' so I used both terms to fit it into English better] ゆんちゃん。最近JKの間では何がアツいの? = Yun-chan. What's the latest hotness amongst the JKs? [JK is a slang term short for 女子高生/joshi kousei/female high school students, closest English slang I could think of was Girliepop but it's not quite the same. Basically he's just asking her what's currently popular with teenage girls. Mikoto also filled out his interrogation questions like it was a social media bio so he's just Like This sometimes www] フータさー。そんなんじゃモテないよ? = C'mon Fuuta-. Isn't that kind of stuff cringe? [the word Mikoto uses here is motenai, which is unpopular/avoided/unwelcome, often in the sense of 'that guy is unpopular with women', its a slang term, so I extrapolated to find an English one I felt fit] 僕を守るためなら、俺はなんだってするぜ = If its for the sake of protecting Mikoto, I'll do whatever it takes! [This is John speaking, we know because he uses 'ore', in the first half he refers to Mikoto as 'boku', which is the first person pronoun Mikoto uses] ああああー! 俺をいらつかせんなぁー!! = Arghhh-! Don't piss me off- !! [John again]

PRISON.010 Kotoko Yuzuriha Vertical text = 粛清完了。当然の報いだ = Purge Complete. It's [their] just desserts. [from the second trial teaser trailer]

Voice Guidance: 電源オン = Power On 電源オフ＝Power Off 接続成功 = Connection Successful 接続解除 = Connection Terminated ペアリング中 = Pairing [on going] ペアリング成功 = Pairing Successful ちっ、ペアリング失敗 = Tsk, Pairing failed ちょっと、バッテリーないんだけど = Hey, there's no battery left ノイズキャンセリング = Noise Cancelling アンビエントマイク、オン = Ambient Mic, On ノーマルモード = Normal Mode

Random Voice: いいわ。わかる人間にはわかるから = It's alright. Because people who understand will understand エス、私はあなたの牙になろう = Es, I will become your fang 音楽で精神集中? いいね = Using music to hone your mind? Nice フータ、少しは本気で生きたら? = Fuuta, why not try living at least a little seriously? [Once more from the top- "Thank you @maristelina!"] カヤノミコト、次は仕留める = Kayano Mikoto, I'll kill you next クスノキムウ、実害がない間は見逃してやる = Kusunoki Muu, as long as there's no real harm done, I'll overlook it for that time [Maristellina also helped here. The way Kotoko says she'll overlook Muu also suggests she views Muu as of a lower status than herself ] 私が看守ならよかったのに = I think it'd be great if I was the guard さぁ、私の罪を聴くがいい = Well then, you should listen to my sins

This is PART SIX of 6 Jackalope and Es, Haruka and Yuno, Fuuta and Muu, Shidou and Mahiru, Kazui and Amane, Mikoto and Kotoko [You are here]

#mikoto kayano #john kayano #kotoko yuzuriha #milgram #ミルグラム #milgram translation

[amethyst-silk]

This is so dirty but i literally am going crazy thinking ab it. Pleasee can you write one where fem reader is at Peters house and things are getting spicy but she gets a call from her dad so she answers (but in this scenario Peters a bad boy and her dad doesnt like her hanging out him) and Peter can hear her dad warning her ab him so he like eats her out or something spicy while she’s on the phone so she cant make any noises or anything. Ahhhh im so sorry this is filthy 😳🫣🥴

i’ve been gone for so long i feel so bad :( will i get back into this blog more frequently? who knows, but here are some crumbs

- peter kinda loves the fact that your dad can’t stand him

- he thinks he’s winning, in a sense

- and every chance he gets he’s reminding your dad that you chose him

- it’s never anything super in his face, but the subtle things

- an arm around you when he’s over for a holiday, his hand on your thigh when you’re out for dinner, the jewellery from him you wear

- he sees it like he’s scoring in a sports match

- while he’ll do most anything to piss off your dad, he had one rule

- he would never talk to your father about the intimate moments shared between you

- he felt like without this then it was like you were just a prize to be won, which was not the case

- peter parker was in love with you. simply obsessed. infatuated. you were his world

- it was no suprise to you that peter was a very generous lover

- he always made sure that you were satisfied before he even thought about himself

- this made teasing you a whole lot more fun for him

- he loved to take his time with you, hearing you beg and whimper for him

- while he was skilled with his fingers, he was merciless with his tongue

- he'd have you shaking within a few seconds, and he'd keep coming back for more

- peter was normally quite devious in bed, but when you had gotten a phone call from your dad during the middle of an intimate moment, peter was practically the devil

- your underwear was off by this point, as well as his shirt

- you told peter that you needed to take the call because your father told you there was something important you needed to discuss

- peter told you that it could wait, but you insisted you take the call

- peter left the room with no fuss, you assumed to give you some quiet

- not 45 seconds later, he returned with something in his hands

- ropes

- peter parker had brought two ropes into your bedroom while you were on a call with your dad

- you figured that he was doing it to tease you and give you shit for interrupting the two of you

- you were wrong

- as soon as he reached the bed, he began to work on tying each of your ankles to the bottom of your bedpost, spread your legs

- heat immediately rushed to your abdomen at the action, and you started to stammer your words on the phone

- peter smirked to himself and took off his pants, now fully naked

- he walked around to your nightstand at the side of your bed, overhearing your dad talking about something trivial

- he reached in your drawer and pulled out a small plastic bottle

- of lube

- peter parker just grabbed lube out of your bedside drawer while you were on the phone with your father and your underwear was nowhere in sight

- it became harder and harder to keep up the conversation while you became aroused at peters every move

- peter took the small bottle and poured a good amount on his chest

- this confused you, resulting in you spacing out from your call completely, only to have your dad bring you back a couple of seconds later

- why did he just put lube on his chest

- it was only after that you would understand why

- peter set the lube on your night stand and watched it slowly run down to his stomach, then pelvis

- he started to rub the lube down, starting up at his chest, following the trail of lube sensually down his body until he had enough on his cock to start pumping it with his fist

- the action had you speechless, your mouth was agape

- that was single-handedly the sexiest thing that you had ever witness and you couldn’t even react to it properly because you were still on the phone with your father

- you could no longer comprehend any thought that came to mind that pertained to your phone call

- all you could think about was peter stroking himself i front of you

- you began to tune everything out, starting with your dad on the other line

- you contributed to watch peter, mesmerized and he continued his relentless work on his cock

- you could tel that he was getting close, so you started to try and wrap the call up with your dad

- if anyone was gonna make peter come, it was gonna be you

- as you began with your “well it was nice talking to you” and “we should grab lunch sometime,” peter caught you off guard

- you didn’t know how he could get even sexier, but he managed to do so

- peter groaned loud enough for just you to hear as he came all over your chest, milking everything he had onto your skin

- once everything was out, he rubbed the tip in his cum, spreading it around

- a very audible moan escaped from your mouth

- your cheeks reddened instantly as you rushed to hang up on your dad

- “alright good talk thank you dad i’ll see you sometime love you bye”

- as soon as you hung up the phone, peters hand was immediately around your neck

- there was no pressure, but he liked the authority he had as his hand acted as a necklace

- “i didn’t say to hang up”

- you were shocked. what the fuck

- “but i. you just came all over me, you expect me to not hang up?”

- he removed his hand from your neck and stopped rubbing himself on your chest

- “call him back”

- “what?!”

- “i said, call him back. or else i’ll stop”

- you didn’t really know what he was doing, but you knew you didn’t want him to stop so you listens to peter and called your dad back

- he seemed confused that you would be willing to talk again after hanging up so abruptly, but he continued the conversation like there wasn’t a single beat that skipped

- what felt like forever passed while your dad talked your ear off

- you were practically shivering with anticipation the whole time, waiting for peter to do something

- eventually, you had become more focused on your conversation than with peter, trying to ignore the dull ache in your core

- suddenly you felt a finger gently graze your unclothed slit

- it took everything in you not to let out a moan, even at the light touch

- peter had a dark grin on his face, he extracted the exact reaction he wanted out of you

- and that’s what he did for the next 30 minutes you were on call with your father

- the teasing was relentless, almost unbearable

- peter had you dripping on the bedsheets

- your legs were sore from trying to fight against the restraints and you struggled to keep them from shaking

- after that, to your relief, peter finally told you to end the call with your dad

- just as you started to say goodbye, peters tongue gently entered you, and you tried your best to hold back another moan

- he continued licking, toying with your clit every once in a while, and you found it almost impossible to form a coherent thought

- the most you could make out was a “bye” before you pressed the button to end the call with your dad

- “if you thought that call was long, just wait for what i’m about to do to you now”

- you were in for a long night

#andrew garfield #spiderman #asks #peter parker #asks open #spider man smut #peter parker smut #andrew garfield smut #tom holland #tom holland smut

[harrygoeswest]

Love Aged Like Fine Wine

Harry is drunk and lost not too far from home, and there's only one person he wants to call to rescue him.

A/N: Hello everyone 👋🏼 it has been a loooong time since I posted anything on Tumblr, and I was admittedly reluctant to do so. However, I reblogged the lovely Sarah's (@harry-on-broadway) fic challenge the other day and it inspired me, and I would be doing a disservice to write the whole thing and never look at it again, especially since I quite like it. SO, I give you my first one shot in over a year. Bear with me, I'm a bit rusty... Special mention as always to Miss Liz (@all-things-fic) for reading and validating me.

I'm using prompts 14 & 19.

Trigger Warnings: Absolutely nothing (apart from the odd f word)

Word Count: 6533

~~~

“What do you want, Harry?”

An offended scoff was his initial response. “Not a very nice way t’greet y’best friend.”

He was right, it wasn’t. “You’re not my best friend.”

“Ouch. Though’ we were besties ‘n now y’makin’ me feel sad.”

Harry was slurring more than he usually did. I feared if he tried to say obviously, ‘overshly’ would turn into a soft, deep single syllable alike to the word ‘shush’. It wasn’t particularly late to warrant his level of drunkenness. Especially on a Tuesday evening. Chewsday, if you will.

“Harsh truths are easier to take when you’re drunk.” I said, shrugging as if he could see the action.

“Why’re y’bein’ so ‘orrible?” He whined.

“Why are you calling me pissed as a fart at 8:45 on a Tuesday night and ruining my bath time?”

“‘S there some space lef’ in the bathtub?”

“Don’t make it weird.” I grimaced. “What’s going on?”

He produced an incoherent mumble. I heard the rain get heavier, both on the phone call and outside my house.

“What was that?”

“M’st…”

“Aye?” I asked, my face surely a bewildered picture.

“I’m lost.” He huffed, agitated.

I sat up in the bath, water and suds sloshing around me. “Lost?”

“Yes.”

“W-,” words failed me, and I barked out a sharp laugh. “How are you lost?”

“How does anyone else get lost?” He said, stroppy.

“Wow, you really are drunk.”

He hummed, but it was a defeated noise. “C’ya come ‘n get me?”

“How am I supposed to come and get you if you don’t know where you are?”

“Well I was only at The Holly Bush.”

I laughed twice as hard that time. Put in perspective, The Holly Bush is no more than a ten minute walk from Harry’s house. “How long have you been walking?”

“‘Bout ‘alf an hour.” He muttered.

Now I was really howling, like a hyena on laughing gas. “Jesus Christ, Harry!”

“‘S not funny!”

“On the contrary, years of comedy begs to differ.”

He practically cried my name down the phone. “‘M really tired ‘n cold ‘n… weh,” I think he meant wet, “please come get me.”

I took a deep breath and mourned my premature bath. “Fine. But do not move from wherever you are.”

“Won’t.”

I stood up and watched water and soap suds cascade down my body with a pout. “What can you see?”

“Er…” a pause followed, I assumed for his vacant thoughts. “‘S like a lot of trees.”

I rolled my eyes. “That could literally be any part of the Heath, mate. Say more words.”

“I can’t see shit! It’s dark and it’s pissing it down!”

“Don’t get arsey or you can stay there and drown in rain water.” I warned him. “Find a road sign. Or a street name.”

He grunted. After no more than fifteen seconds he produced, “Platt’s Lane.”

“Alright, I know where that is. I’ll be as quick as I can.”

“Thank you.” He said. At least I think that’s what he said.

I murmured a little, “Sure,” and then hung up. 

I dressed quickly in the easiest clothes I could find - a pair of tie-dye jogging bottoms, an old t-shirt and a crewneck over the top. I pulled on the first pair of trainers I could find and ran out to my car whilst fighting the rain. I also took a towel with me. My hair was still in the bun I’d put it up in for my bath.

It was really battering it down now - it was loud inside the car and the windows were steamed up. It was even louder when I turned the air conditioning on to defog the windows.

Once I could see outside the front and back windows I finally made my way to find Harry. I still mourned my bath as I drove - I missed how warm it was and how comfortable I had been. Now I was out in the cold and wet to rescue my drunken idiot friend.

It didn’t take me very long to find said drunken idiotic friend. He was sitting on a yellow grit box under some trees at the junction of Platt’s Lane and West Heath Road. He was soaking, shoulders slumped and looking at the floor. I pulled up as close to him as possible and leaned over to push the door open.

“Get in, you moron!” I called.

Harry looked up at the sound of my voice. He leapt to his feet almost immediately after, and staggered his way over to my little car. He nearly tripped over twice on his way, and he hit his head as he sat down.

“Fucking hell.” I muttered. “Look at the state of you.”

He grumbled, readjusting his sodden jacket, and then looked right at me. His hair was drenched, water dripping from his neck down his arms and chest, and his forehead down his nose and cheeks.

“Here,” I threw the towel at him. “You’re gonna make my car smell.”

“‘S tha’ the wors’ a’ya problems?” He asked, a snide tone laced in his mushy words.

“I wish it was.”

I pulled off again as Harry began to attempt to dry himself off, although I feared a towel would do very little to help him. Fortunately we were only a mere five minute drive from his house anyway. He probably could have walked home faster if he were sober. 

It was a relatively quiet drive since Harry spent most of it rubbing my towel over every available inch of his body. He did however sing along to the one song he heard playing, but he didn’t quite have the same masterful tone as usual. He even seemed quite timid.

I parked as close as possible to his front door and shut the engine off.

“Where are your keys, H?”

He gave me a dopey blink and then looked down at himself, double chin appearing accompanied with a pouty lower lip. “Dunno. On me somewhere.”

I sighed and unclipped my seatbelt, then reached over to him to feel through each of his pockets for his house keys. Of course I found them in the hardest one to reach on the inside of his jacket. He giggled while I did, like a child being tickled. I smacked him on the arm before I got out of the car.

I ran up to the front door and unlocked it, opening it so that my paralytic companion could be jettisoned inside his home as quickly as possible without getting more wet.

“Come on, then,” I said as I opened the passenger door, my shoulders hunched because the rain felt weird on my neck.

Harry practically fell out of the car at my instruction, so I lifted him up and placed his arm around my shoulder so I could manage his weight better. I kicked the car door shut behind us and walked him to the door. I realised on our little walk how unfit I was.

“‘M sorry.” He mumbled.

“It’s fine.” I said, my voice tight. It was only strained because he was heavy and I was weak.

“Didn’t even think I drank tha’ much, was only few whiskeys.”

Only a few could range anything between 3 and 30. I didn’t chide him for that. “It’s alright, Harry. I’m sure you’d do the same for me.” I meant that genuinely and not as a threat I’d be getting that level of drunk in the future just to call him to rescue me.

“Would.” He insisted.

I awkwardly held onto him as we got inside, twisting at an awkward angle to close the door and keep any more rain from getting in. Harry felt like dead weight against me.

“Ready to get upstairs?”

His affirming nod was the surest action I’d seen from him this far.

“Alright,” I took a deep breath, “let’s go.”

I made sure we navigated the stairs one at a time, because I had visions of him tripping up and cracking his head open if he tried to do anything by himself. And now, in the warmth of his massive home and up this close to him, the boy reeked of stale beer and sweat. I didn’t want to ask what he’d been doing in The Holly Bush for him to get that bad. I hadn’t seen him that wasted in a very long time.

“Meant it, y’know.” He slurred.

We were only halfway up the stairs and all I could hear was my own panting. Admittedly I was surprised he hadn’t passed out yet. 

“Meant what?” I heaved, and pushed him up the next step.

“I w’ do the same f’you.”

“I know you would.”

“Don’t even have t’ be drunk.”

“Right.”

We stopped for a minute, not at anyone’s request but Harry didn’t seem to want to move. I looked at him as he did me, and he produced this hazy-eyed, closed-lip smile. 

His woolly but content expression made me laugh. “I think it’s bed time for you, mate.”

He groaned. “Don’t call me ‘mate’.”

I frowned. “Alright. Sorry.”

When we finally reached the top of the stairs, Harry collapsed on me by way of a hug. We were standing in the middle of the hallway, his entire body somehow wrapped around mine. I was suffocating in the smell of a brewery.

“Don’t leave me.” He begged.

“I’m not… Need to get you to bed somehow.”

He pulled his head back to look at me, eyes heavy. “You can take me to bed.”

“That’s what I just said.”

He nodded repeatedly like a bobble-head figure. 

I made a face, perturbed, and nudged him in the direction of his bedroom. He nearly fell over as he turned around, and ended up palming the wall the rest of the way. I kept a hand on his back just in case.

As soon as he saw his bed he was climbing onto it, still fully clothed and in his muddy trainers.

“For fuck’s sake,” I muttered, reaching after him like he was a toddler, “Harry, take your shoes off.”

He laughed maniacally into his bed sheets, the muffled sound disturbing.

I huffed with a scowl and did it myself. His vans were dripping wet so I took them to the radiator and left them on top to dry. I made sure the radiator was turned on, too. The last thing Harry Styles needed was the flu again.

He was sitting up now, watching me with a warm expression. I ignored it.

“Need to take your clothes off or you’ll get a cold.”

“Yes, Miss.” He was beaming now.

The attempt at taking his t-shirt off was painful, and I ended up having to help him.

“Jeans too.”

I knew that would be more agonising to watch than the t-shirt, and I didn’t want to have to look at his bare chest for too long, so I went for a walk to the closest bathroom to get another towel. His jeans were still around his knees when I got back.

“Jesus Christ.” I said through gritted teeth, and freed his jeans from around his ankles. They were a heavy kind of damp and thudded when I put them on the floor.

“‘S cold.” He commented, staring up at me.

“I’ve just put the radiator on.” I told him, and handed him the towel. “I’ll find you some clean pants.”

I left him to dry his no doubt tacky chest and legs while I searched through his drawers for some clean underwear. I threw them at him once I’d located them.

“Where’s your laundry basket?”

“Wardrobe.” He said, voice getting gruff.

I collected his dirty clothes from off the floor again and wandered into the walk-in wardrobe attached to his bedroom. I stared at it for a while, not just because it was ginormous but also because I couldn’t believe the amount of crap in it. It was bulging with clothes - some I hadn’t seen him wear for years and others I hadn’t seen him wear at all. Ever. 

I dropped the clothes in my hand onto the overflowing basket in one of the cupboards, hating to do so because it was just adding to more chores. And then I realised that this was not my house and I would not be responsible for washing any of his clothes.

“Harry, do you want something to wear in bed if you’re cold?”

He never answered.

I peered into the bedroom to see he’d already tucked himself into bed.

“I guess not.” I muttered.

I stood next to his bed and watched him for a minute. His eyes were closed and he was breathing regularly but I couldn’t work out if he was actually asleep or just pretending to be. His eyelids looked shiny and delicate and his cheeks were dusted pink - a combination of his inebriation and being outside in the cold for so long. I could hear the radiator chugging and it was definitely warmer than it had been when we arrived.

Without thinking, still staring at him while possibly passed out like a lunatic creep, I wrapped my index finger around one of his curls and moved it out of his face.

He giggled suddenly, catching my wrist. “That tickled.”

I smacked his hand away. “I thought you were asleep, you absolute git!”

“Not yet.”

I rolled my eyes and scowled at him. “I’m goin’ home. Seeing you in bed is making me want mine.”

“Can always share mine.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” I scoffed, and made a move to leave. “I’ll check on you tomorrow.”

“Aye, wait!” He shouted at me.

“What?”

“I don’t want you t’ leave yet.”

“Well, I’m exhausted, and you’re about to pass out on me anyway.”

He said something that was complete and utter incoherent nonsense.

“I don’t know what you just said but I’m not changing my mind.”

He whined my name again and reached for my hand. “Please stay bit longer? Like havin’ y’here, havin’ y’around.”

“Well, that’s nice of you to say, but I still want my own bed.”

“Please?”

“No.” I stood my ground, but I took a step closer and pinched his cheek. “But I’ll come back tomorrow after work if that makes you feel better.”

“Feel better if y’stayed wi’ me now.”

“Well that’s not going to happen. Just call me if you need anything.”

“Need y’now. Need y’all the time.”

“Stop being daft.”

“‘M not bein’ daft - I mean it.”

“You are being daft. Just go to sleep - I’ll come back tomorrow. I promise.”

He stressed my name and sat up. “Y’not listenin’ to me. ‘M bein’ proper serious - I want ya t’ stay wi’ me. I need y’here.”

“No, what you need is sleep.”

He scowled at me.

“I’m going to go and get you a pint of water and a paracetamol and then I’m going home. And that’s the last we’re gonna say on this, end of.”

I left the room and  found my way to the kitchen, though admittedly I did get lost on my way there since I’d only been here once before and it was a considerable amount of time ago. I did as promised and got him a pint of water and found some paracetamol in a drawer full of miscellaneous items close to the sink.

I couldn’t fathom why Harry was so needy, insobriety aside. We were friends, yes, and had been for some time, but we weren’t that close. Or perhaps we were and I just refused to admit it due to his increasing popularity and the fact that being perceived near him in the public eye terrified me. I was perfectly happy with my mundane job and my mundane life. I appreciated Harry for what he was - a friend -, and didn’t expect anything more or less from that level of our relationship. Nor had I ever, and it surprised me that he suddenly did.

Perhaps I was overthinking it all. That was likely.

I returned to Harry’s room to find him out of bed in just his pants.

��What are you doing?” I asked, putting the water and the tablets on his bedside table, trying to avoid looking at his chest.

“Need the loo.” He said without hesitation, and marched past me.

I sighed, watching after him until he was safely in the bathroom with the door closed, and then I perched on the edge of his bed with my head in my hands.

I was irritated, yes. I knew I shouldn’t be as irritated as I was, but I couldn’t help it. This was not the evening I had planned for myself. I was supposed to have an early night and go to work in the morning with a clear head and no bags under my eyes. Now I was going to look like the walking dead, and feel like it too.

I stood up again when Harry reappeared. I watched him stagger and sway across the corridor and it made me nervous. He tripped once and nearly smacked his face against the doorframe.

“Fucking hell, Harry.” I said, panicked, and reached forward to steady him.

He laughed, more a giggle of that from a small girl. “I’m so drunk.”

“I know you are. That’s why you need to get into bed.”

“I will, jus’ one more thing before I do,”

I thought he was going to start running riot around the house and I was going to have to chase after him, like a dog owner with a tyrannical pooch. But instead, he just wrapped his arms around my middle and shoved his face into the crook of my neck. His body was warm and it felt strange being this close to him when he had so little clothes on.

I let out a long breath, reciprocating it this time. “You’re a twat.”

He hummed when I stroked my hand over his damp hair. “Not very nice.”

“And yet still true.”

He grunted, but never moved a muscle. A moment of silence passed before he said anything else. “Thank you f’ comin’ to rescue me.”

“Sure, anytime.” I didn’t mean that. Or maybe I did, but I’d be bitter about it if it became a recurrence because I couldn’t stand to disappoint people who meant a lot to me.

He let me go, and I thought that was finally going to be the end of it. Instead, he took my face, quite harshly, between both of his hands until my cheeks squished. His gaze was dopey and warm again, but somehow different to last time. I couldn’t put my finger on it.

“Harry, that hurts.”

He ignored me. “I love you.” It sounded more like ‘ah luff you’ but that wasn’t relevant in the moment.

“Yeah, I love you too, now let go.” I was trying to pull his hands away but apparently he was still physically stronger than me even that drunk.

“No,” he shook his head at me and then brought what felt like my entire body against his chest. “I mean I really love you.”

I couldn’t see anything. I felt us begin to fall sideways, but with his strength I had absolutely no control over where we were going.

“Harry!” I screamed, still trying to fight him with no luck.

I think we hit the bed because the landing was softer than anticipated and Harry didn’t wince or flinch. That could also be attributed to the levels of alcohol in his body. He was probably majoritively quite numb.

“Y’like, my favourite person.” He said, voice much quieter now, and I could feel his nose in my hair. My face was pushed into his chest. “Want y’around all time. Rubbish a’ showin’ it but I miss y’when ‘m nor’ at home. ‘N I don’t mean everyone, I mean jus’ you.”

I was listening to him with baited breath. I’d never really been on the receiving end of ‘drunk words, sober thoughts’ - I was usually the one talking and making a fool of myself. Once I told my sister’s boyfriend (at the time) what I really thought of him in front of our entire family after keeping my mouth shut for so long. They broke up the next day and she came to live with me for a month. I felt almost paralysed now listening to Harry.

“Mus’ think ‘m nuts ‘cause I’ve never said anythin’ before, bur’m scared. You’re a scary woman.”

I tried not to take offence to that, even though it was likely true. I had tried for the longest time to give off a very ambiguous aura. I didn’t want anyone to know me, least not the real me. I liked the illusion of being dead inside even if I was far from it.

“Loved y’ for so long now I can’ ‘ide it anymore.” He was really slurring now and words were about to fail him. Somehow, he was still holding onto me. “‘M like tha’ 1975 song.” I wanted to ask which one, but I didn’t have to. He proceeded to sing the words, “I’m in love with you.”

Just once he sang them, maybe slightly off pitch but it still sounded good. Not sure it would hold up to any of his previous performances, but I’d take it.

I didn’t know what to say. I was in a state of shock to be honest and the thought of moving terrified me. But then his grip around me loosened, and he let out a singular loud snore.

I pulled back, horrified, to see his sleeping face - mouth wide open. Another snore was released. “You are fucking joking.”

I sat up, his limp body falling away from me. I smacked his arm in the hopes of waking him, but he never flinched. “Harry,” I said, hitting him again.

Still no movement.

“Oi.” Smack.

Nothing.

I didn’t know what to do. Who does that? Who makes an admission like that and then falls asleep? And why did it have to be this boy? I was speechless, and when I finally managed to clamber off the bed I was also useless.

I stared at him with a look of bewilderment, as he lay there passed out on his unmade bed, mouth agape and naked besides his white y-fronts. It was then that the reality of what he’d said hit me, and I started to cry.

I wasn’t angry or upset - I was overwhelmed. Drunkenly, Harry had just told me he loved me. Then immediately passed out. Now I was left with my own feelings and his and no one to talk to about it. What was I supposed to do?

I desperately wanted to leave and get some sleep, but I also couldn’t help but think that would be morally inappropriate. Leaving a friend alone while dangerously intoxicated was how 50% of all murder documentaries started. Not that Harry was likely to get killed by an intruder in his mansion complete with security fortress. But he might accidentally fall down the stairs or choke on his own vomit.

And yet, the idea of staying in this massive and unfamiliar house to process all those thoughts made me even more hysterical. The idea alone provoked a loud sob, and I quickly covered my mouth because it was such a horrendous sound.

I made my decision that instant. I put Harry properly into bed with all of my remaining strength, covered him with his duvet, and then I fled from his house like a bat out of hell. On my way out, I took his spare keys with me.

I barely slept that night. My head was swimming and even though I couldn’t keep my eyes open, my brain was in overdrive. That, and the cat was sleeping on my chest and purring right in my face. His whiskers tickled my nose.

I found myself thinking about the early stages of mine and Harry’s association. 

I couldn’t have called him a friend when we first met because I hated him. I don’t think that feeling was ever reciprocated on his part but I couldn’t ever stand to be in the same room as him. Why? Because I felt the need to constantly contradict societal comments and beliefs. The world - at least people in my world - deemed him a golden boy who never did any wrong. I was convinced it wasn’t the case. My downfall was my lack of determination to prove it.

We met through mutual friends, as these things always seemed to happen. I couldn’t even remember which friend it was - neither me nor Harry talked to them anymore. But one day he was just there, and periodically from then onward he continued to show up. I couldn’t even remember when it was, but it was before he cut all his hair off. One Direction’s last few remaining days, perhaps? Anyway, he was suddenly omnipresent and came with an abundance of attention and it infuriated me.

I remember once, Harry confronted me on my obvious dislike for him. That was our first encounter collectively with ‘drunk words, sober thoughts’. I can’t remember exactly what I said but I wasn’t very nice and I remember the Bambi look in his eyes when I walked away from him. After that he was notably absent for some time. If I asked him about it now I’m not sure how honest he’d be about it. He was lucky enough to be able to claim work absences for long periods of time - I imagined he’d use that excuse. How truthful that would be, I didn’t know.

Our reconciliation came after that. He saw me alone in the nearby shop and asked me to join him for a coffee. I couldn’t really say no - it was a Sunday afternoon and I was only going back home to vegetate for the rest of the day. I think it was spring - I probably would’ve just read a book and gone to bed early. We spent the next 3 hours in Ginger & White, and after we got kicked out of there we went up to The Holly Bush, ironically.

I saw a different side to Harry that night, and I always put it down to having him to myself. There was no one else there with us apart from the locals in the pub who wouldn’t bat an eyelid. It was just us, and he was unapologetically himself, as was I.  We suddenly had an entirely new perception of one another - a higher level of understanding. On that random Sunday evening alone, I came to appreciate Harry for just being Harry. I saw who he really was, and I liked him.

From then on, I enjoyed his company. It became a regular thing - an afternoon doing something random together, just the two of us. And it ranged from simple coffee shop talks to entire day trips out of London. I realised then that what we’d basically been doing was dating for about 5 years with no physical contact.

I laughed out loud, disturbing the cat. He ran off and left me alone. 

We’d had our own intimate relationships with other people outside of our friendship, which I guess is why I’d never thought about it that way before. He also seemed to do that with multiple other people - I wasn’t the only one. Was I?

I never had to apologise for the night I was rude to him. I always wondered why, and I always berated myself for not saying I was sorry. I’d admitted I was wrong about him a long time ago, but only to myself. It seemed a bit too late to do it now, but I assumed he’d forgiven me. I could’ve been wrong.

I think I finally fell asleep around 4am. My alarm for work went off just 3 hours later and I burst into tears as soon as I realised the situation I was in. I called into work sick and went straight back to sleep.

How much more sleep I had was uncertain. It felt like only 2 hours, but it could’ve been more. Since I wasn’t working, I decided to get a McDonald’s after showering. Mostly for Harry rather than me, although I’m sure he’d make a comment about it.

I used the key I’d stolen last night to let myself in and went straight up to his bedroom with the McDonald’s in my right hand. Except I didn’t make it to his bedroom, because I found him on the bathroom floor next to the toilet, on his front with his cheek pressed to the tile floor.

“Harry…?”

He moaned, limply raising his hand and dropping it again immediately.

I moved into the room, leaving the McDonald’s in the hall because the smell would not go well with the pre-existing one in the room. It seemed Harry had vomited since I left. I sat on my knees beside him and stroked a finger through his curls, similar to how I had done last night.

“Are you alright?”

“Not really.” He said, voice whiny.

“No, I’m not surprised. I brought you some breakfast.”

He managed to lift his head and look towards me. I pointed at the hallway and he followed where my finger suggested.

“What is it?”

“McDonald’s.”

He screwed his face up. “You know I don’t eat meat.”

“Yes, that’s why I got you a Fillet-O-Fish. And mozzarella sticks.”

“Not very healthy.”

“Well, boiled eggs and avocado doesn’t make for very exciting hangover food if you ask me.”

He blew a breath out so that his lips wobbled. “True.”

“You gonna sit up and eat it?”

He took a deep breath. “Yeah.”

“Come on, then,”

I took his arm and helped pull him to a sitting position. He sat against the bathtub and rolled his head back, mouth open and breathing heavy. I left his food in his lap and sat opposite him with my back against the wall.

“This is probably one of the worst hangovers I’ve had in a long time.” He said, grimacing into the paper bag. At least he could form complete words this morning.

“How much do you remember?”

He laughed once. “Not much. I remember calling you, and waiting for you to come get me. I remember when you turned up, but that’s about it. I don’t remember getting home.”

I swallowed thickly. That meant he probably didn’t remember telling me he was in love with me. Or rather, singing it.

“Next thing I’ve woke up in my pants about to vomit.”

“I think you were the most drunk I’ve ever seen you.”

He paused before he took a bite out of his fillet burger. “Really?”

“Hands down. You fell over nearly three times. And you wouldn’t let me go home.”

“Oh, I’m not surprised by that. I’m a very clingy drunk.”

“I was aware of that before last night.” I muttered. “Who were you with?”

“Tom and Tyler.”

“Ah, one of those evenings, was it?

“Yeah, didn’t expect it to be quite that bad, though. Was only going for one.”

“That’s how they all start.”

“Mm, I should know better.”

“Yes you should.”

He laughed around his mouthful and then swallowed it. “This was a good call, thank you.”

“No problem. Although I have to say I did not expect to watch you eat it on the bathroom floor.”

“I know. Feel like a uni student.”

“I don’t think uni students have bathrooms this big.”

He smiled, but didn’t say anything while his mouth was full. “Think I’m gonna have a shower, if you don’t mind?”

I shrugged. “Your house.”

“Right.” He rolled his eyes in jest. “Will you hang around a bit while I do?”

“Sure. I’ll put some coffee on.”

“Cool.” He grinned. 

He shoved the empty box into the paper bag and screwed it up. I took the rubbish off him once we were standing again and left him alone to shower.

I did as I said I would and made him a coffee, and then helped myself to a glass of water and an apple out of the fruit bowl on his counter. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen now. He seemed to be behaving normally, so I was certain he’d forgotten his admission, but that worried me because I was now going to have to admit that I knew. And I still wasn’t entirely sure how I felt.

When Harry did reappear he was fully clothed and looked a lot fresher than he had done before. His hair was damp but beginning to curl and his complexion had a bit more life to it.

“Feel better?”

“Loads better, thank you.”

“That’s good.” I said with a pressed smile. I pushed his coffee towards him.

“Cheers. Where’s yours?” He asked with a subtle frown as he took a sip out of his mug. He made an approving sound. “That’s good.”

“You know, I don’t actually like coffee.”

His frown deepened. “You have coffee all the time.”

“No, I have a mocha.”

“That’s still got coffee in it.”

“Yes, but the hot chocolate kind of makes it a fake coffee. A coffee for people who don’t like coffee.”

“Right.” He chuckled. “I had a thought upstairs just now… why aren’t you at work?”

“Because I barely slept.”

He looked concerned. “You better not have stayed really late because of me. Should’ve kicked me in the crotch and told me to get over myself.”

“Oh believe me, I tried to leave you here to go to bed, H. But I actually got back at an acceptable hour, that wasn’t the problem.”

“Just a bad night?”

I hummed. “No, I still blame you.”

“Why?” He asked, leaning his hip against the counter side.

I looked at the kitchen top and pursed my lips. “You… you told me something that gave me a lot to think about.”

“I didn’t give you some rubbish music samples, did I?”

I snorted. “I wish. Might’ve helped me sleep.”

“What then? I can’t remember anything.”

After a charged silence, I let out a long sigh. “You told me you love me. You said you love me, and then gave this little speech about missing me. And not just as friends - you said like The 1975’s song, I’m in love with you. But you sang that part, and then immediately fell asleep.”

When I met Harry’s gaze again he was staring at me, and biting his cheek. Neither of us said anything for a while. I was hoping he’d say something. Or perhaps me repeating what he said last night meant he felt like he didn’t need to say anymore.

I cocked my head. “Did you mean it?”

He stood taller, inhaling as his gaze became glassy. “Yeah. Yeah of course I did. Well, I didn’t mean to fall asleep, obviously. But I meant it, although I didn’t mean to tell you in that way… you know, while utterly shit faced.”

“You were completely shit faced.”

“Yeah… no, that’s not how I planned on telling you.”

“Was there a different plan?”

“Maybe…” He turned his nose up and scratched the back of his head. “If I told you what it was you’d hate it-,”

“You don’t know that.” I retorted.

He raised a judgemental brow at me. “Er, yes I do.”

I laughed and put my head on the table. “Whatever.”

“Anyway,” he huffed, but it had a lightheartedness to it, “of course I fucking meant it. Been living with it for ages - it’s all had time to brew. Aged like a fine wine.”

I started laughing, and then I felt his arms wrap around my chest. I was pulled up by him to stand straighter, and he rested his chin on my shoulder. His back was against my front and it felt quite nice. I don’t think we’d ever stood like that before.

“Your love has aged like a fine wine?”

“Sounds right cheap when you say it like that.” 

“You said it. That is literally what you said.” I was still laughing.

“I know.” He whimpered.

I twisted my head to look at him, but he’d hidden his face. “You’re gonna have to bear with me.”

“In what way?”

“Well, this is a lot for me. I’m still… processing it, and I don’t know how I feel. You’re my friend and I love you, of course I do. Just…”

“Not in love with me yet.” He concluded.

“Yet.” I sniggered.

“I’ll remain optimistic, obviously.”

“Obviously.”

He giggled, and pressed a kiss to my cheek. “Take your time. Preferably not forever though, ‘cause… the biological clock is ticking.”

I snorted again. “Reel it in.”

“Sorry.” He hummed and squeezed my shoulders tightly. “I am going to have a movie day on the sofa. Do you want to stay?”

“For that I do, fuck yeah.”

“Sweet… go and make yourself comfy. I’ll get the snacks.”

He bumped my hip with his when I passed him so I kicked him back. He gave a childish laugh, and I shook my head at him, but I found as I wandered into his overcompensating living room that I had this giddy feeling in my stomach I’d never felt with him before.

What was I, the most stubborn woman on Earth, going to do?

~

“What d’you want, H?”

“Not a very charming greeting.” He groused.

I pouted. “You’re interrupting my bath time.”

“Is there some space left in the bathtub?”

I smirked and sank lower into the water. “For you? Never.”

“Hey!”

“Always,” I laughed around my correction, “I meant always.”

“That’s more like it.” He chuckled. “I was calling because I think it might be my turn to get dinner. So what do you fancy?”

“Well, you, obviously.”

“Obviously.” His matter-of-fact tone matched mine. I could imagine him nodding his head. “How about a chippy?”

“Oh, fuck yeah. My usual please.”

“Curry sauce too?”

“Wouldn’t be my usual without it.”

“Just checking. So, I will be knocking on your door within the next hour. Make the most of that bath ‘cause I’m coming.”

“Cool. See you in a bit.”

“Bye-bye.”

“Love you!” I shouted before he could put the phone down.

He was quiet for a minute. “Blimey. Don’t need to shout it, darlin’.”

I threw my head back and laughed. “Just in case you forgot.”

“I could never. But I love you more. See you shortly.”

“Okay, bye-bye. Love you most.”

“No!” He shouted, but I cut him off before he could refute it more.

I felt smug. I let out a satisfied sigh and laid my head back against the edge of the tub. 

I had taken my time in coming around to Harry’s admission, but he was incredibly patient with me and I was always grateful for that. It had been little over a year since his little bender, and I felt really good about everything. We felt really good about everything.

Our relationship seemed to only be moving up at a pace we were both happy with, and I couldn’t ask for anything more. All we had to do was keep it that way, and I had every confidence we could.

~~~

If you read this far, thank you <3

Come Talk To Me

#harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harryonbroadwayficchallenge #harry styles writing #harry styles one shot #harry styles ff #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles angst imagine #harry styles angst imagines #harry styles fluff imagine #harry styles fluff imagines #i forgot how much i fucking hate writing tags on the bottom of posts #this is endless

[ms-unfortunate24]

Is that all you got? (Keegan P. Russ X Reader) Pt. 1?

Prompt: Keegan isn’t very talkative nor is he known, he’s a ghost literally.. He has his eyes on someone specific that he’s sure doesn’t notice him but what if they do? (The reader is Kick’s partner)

Warnings: Slight Angst and cursing

Reader Inserts: Y/N= Your name, Y/L= Your last name, Y/CN= your code name, Y/H= your hair, Y/HC= your hair color, E/C= Eye color, H/S= Hair Style, N/N= Nickname.

A/N: So I'm just bored messing around, if anyone actually likes this please send in requests, and if you wanna be mutuals just add me and ask, I wanted to give the reader like a lot of options but by the time I was writing that all down I couldn’t remember anything else💀 BTW first fic everrrr

08:45, THE OFFICE

You were sitting in Elias’s office, he was going on a rant about the last mission he had and how things could've gone south. Kick looked at you rolling his eyes as you giggled, “Right I'm so boring, Y/CN do you know why you were called in here?” Elias then asked with a bit of annoyance in his tone. “No, I do not know why maybe because of the privates?” you then questioned with a little sarcasm just to get his blood boiling a bit. “I called you and Kick in because I'm separating you two” your expression stayed at a frown as you furrowed your eyebrows, turning to your current Partner you then realized he had nearly the same expression. “What's this all about?” he questioned, you can feel a worry start to build up in Kick’s body and you couldn't help but wonder how this would affect you. “Look, I feel like maybe separating you two can build stronger relationships with others.” Elias sighed out before he continued, “So.” he began as he tossed you a file, “Keegan P. Russ?” you questioned, “Open it” and you did, while opening the file a small gasp escaped from your lips, “but why him?” You looked up he shook his head, “Dismissed Y/CN” he looked over to Kick and tossed him the file. When you shut the door behind yourself, file still in hands you heard Kick interrupt your clouded thoughts with a loud “NOOOOOOOO”.

22:02, THE MEETING

Cleaning your gun and refilling your utility belt you felt a presence. Of course, you didn’t hear it come in but you noticed it about 2 minutes ago, “How long have you been here?” You questioned with a dark tone, back still facing the unknown intruder. There was silence, after 5 long seconds, you turned around to see dead silver-like blue eyes that almost put you in a trance first gaze. Still keeping stature you asked again but firmly this time, “How long have you been here, SGT. Russ?” this time you had caught his attention as his tall frame loomed towards you. “How long do you think?” his monotone voice echoed, his words being laced with slight venom which was supposed to intimidate you. Hearing footsteps outside marching in sync and random voices all around the empty room with just you two, you decided to back up just a bit so things didn’t look wrong. “2 minutes” you then mumbled to him before the doors were busted open. The walker brothers Logan and Hesh were also following behind Merrick. You knew the Walker brothers well so a small playful smirk rose on your lips when they noticed you in the room. “Keegan and Y/CN? A little suspicious if you ask me” Hesh teased, “Naughty” Logan then tagged on, the two brothers laughed as you rolled your eyes. "Aha, really funny Tweedledum and Tweedledee" you sneered at the two, you turned to your side to realize your silent newly assigned partner had disappeared. A shocked look in your eyes showed as you realized he was in the farthest corner from you. Logan walked up to you taking the dirty cleaning rag out of your hand, "He does that a lot, be careful" He winked.

NEXT DAY, 06:30 AM

It was early, not too early to spar with Hesh as Logan kept score. A loud grunt was let out of Hesh's mouth, "That's all you got? I can go all day Hesh" You grinned trying to assert dominance with Hesh, in reality, you were getting tired out yourself. He tried to pounce on you as you jumped back, trying to land on your feet gave him enough time to throw himself back at you again. Barely dodging his reckless attack you were both interrupted by a certain tall man, you were distracted by his chest, a black tank top covering it, and the tactical pants that he was wearing... Of course, he had his mask on still, you were so distracted that you barely noticed that you were pinned to the ground, "Ha! tap out Y/CN!" Hesh cheered, snapping back into reality "Fuck that hurts" You squirmed under Hesh, tapping the floor three times with your dominant hand. Hesh helped you back up as you guys headed toward Logan. "Y/CN 5 and Hesh 3" Logan read out the score as Hesh complained saying that Logan was picking favorites, you were too distracted by Keegan, he was putting the hand wraps on as he looked in need of a good spar, you slowly gulped and walked up to him. "Hey. Wanna spar?" you didn't want to ask that, it was the last thing you wanted to do... You had no idea what he was capable of and here you are asking if he wanted to spar with you- "Let's go then" His low voice sent shivers down your spine, and playing it off you hurried to the sparring ring. Hesh counted you two off, the second he hit one you hopped backward to distance yourself a bit from Keegan. The way he moved was quick and silent, you wouldn't expect it from a guy who's 6'1 but there he is looming over you again, you backed up into a wall as he struck his fist next to you, "You seem distracted Y/CN," He commented grabbing you by the shoulders and tossing you back into the ring, "shit" is all you could muster up as you got up and grounded yourself. "Hey, Keegan be a little more gentle with them!" Logan said more concerned about this whole sparring offer you gave Keegan. "I got it.." you mumbled charging at Keegan, charging a kick to his core he backed up from the impact. Now groaning and pissed Keegan's moves have gotten quicker. He still hasn't directly struck you but instead picked you up and forced you into the ground, wrapping his hands around your wrists and putting his weight on your hips. His bleak void-like eyes put you in a trance, your body started to heat up, your heart was racing, and you couldn't help but squirm under him in a pathetic attempt to get out of his grasp. His hands tightened their grip and he moved his head closer to yours, the void pulling you in deeper. Your lips slightly departed, and finally, words slipped out, not your words, his. "Get your head in the fucking game if you want to even be seen near me.” That was all you could think about while in your office at the base, a silent knock slightly startled you because you couldn’t hear any footsteps. “Come in,” you said brushing that feeling off and skimming through an email you were supposed to respond to a few days before. A familiar man appeared at the doorstep and a smile crept up on your face, “Kick? I thought you were out on a mission?” the masked man took his baseball cap off as he sighed. “Well Y/N, we finished a lot earlier than predicted, I mean I had this whole plan and this new program I developed on this chip, and- well let's just say my new partners are a little too quick for me” a bit of sadness filled his voice, “Partners? As in Scarecrow stuck you with two people?” you questioned looking at the man through his visors, “Yeah the two walker meatheads” he sighed, throwing himself onto a chair in front of your desk and taking his visors off. You couldn't help but to have giggled at the realization that you're not the only one struggling with the new adjustment. He chuckled out of reaction and then stopped, “So how's Sgt. Russ?” “He’s quiet just like the tales. He's also a dick” you said rolling your eyes as Kick bursted out laughing at the remark. “You got a lotta of work Y/CN”

#keegan p russ #keegan russ x reader #keegan x reader #call of duty #call of duty ghosts #hesh walker #logan walker #reader insert #CODKick #CallofdutyghostsKick

[docholligay]

Holligay Tries Things That Aren't Running: Kettlebell AMPD

The answer is a very obvious, 'Because people like it that way' but I swear to god, working out in groups is just choreography, and, why?

I walk into Kettlebell AMPD after a full week of doing strength classes, and I'm not too proud to tell you: I am beat to shit. I literally put dinner on the table and ran out in my Extremely Noble Quest to win an overpriced and unnecessary kitchen item, after having ran in the morning, and the idea of lifting a weight is not thrilling to me.

But, the only way to get a sticker is to do this class, and I've picked it specifically because it's only 45 minutes, and not an hour, and I am lazy.

The teacher's name is Lacy*. I am worried that she will think I'm a lazy shit, because I have every intention of picking up a 10 pound kettlebell and being a lazy shit. Echoes of Boot Camp haunt my mind. She'll see me for sure.

Then she struggles to tell the teenage boys playing hoops that open gym is over, and I offer to do it.

I grab my ten pound kettlebell. She ain't saying shit.

A kettlebell is essentially a flat-bottomed bowling ball with a handle. I've been in enough classes involving weight to have a rough idea of what is going to go on here, but what I could not have imagined is that the squats and bicup curls and whatnot would be set to the beats of That's What I Call Music: Doc is in and around High School.

I want you to imagine trying to get a serious workout in while you're listening to Fall Out Boy and The All American Rejects. You're doing squats in time the Good Charlotte. Am I the dad rock?? I ask myself. I never listened to this stuff really, but there is nothing like the popular music of your generation being used to inspire a bunch of greying women in t-shirts to make you realize that the greying woman is you, DocDoc.

All of which would have been fine until some other unspeakable mid00s hit came on, and she displayed a motion of making a wide swing with the kettlebell, trading it over at the top of her head, squatting down and passing it to the other hand, again, through her legs.

Like most people just this side of 40, I have a handful of infirmities, my only saving grace being that they were caused by something other than being old: Being an idiot.

When I was about 19, I fell through the floor of an abandoned farmhouse, from the second floor to the first, and have a handful of issues to show for it. A few light scars that most people never notice unless I point them out, a knee that gives me trouble occasionally, an elbow with a weak ligament that gets overtaxed easily, but most interestingly, a hand that drops something if I grip it wrong.

I assume this is some kind of nerve injury, as it's the same hand that loses feeling in two of the fingertips if it gets cold, but I don't know as I've never had the money and inclination to chase down an injury for which the diagnosis will be: Hell of a thing! But what it means is I often have to be thoughtful about the way I lift something with that hand, especially something heavy. I have done it so long that people never notice I do it, and honestly it's generally easy to avoid.

Swinging a kettlebell around my legs and through the air to the beat is PRIME TIME for me to be grabbing something incorrectly and sailing it off into Kelsey's head. I stand there for a moment like an idiot, unsure of what to do. Then i just go grab a 5 pound kettlebell and .5% ass it.

I would say I got nothing out of the class, but in fairness I didn't really give it anything to reinvest, it's not like I was actually trying. I don't think I would do it again though, it was weightlifting without any actual oomph. I would go to that class every week and never get any stronger.

We finished with a stretching session to Jimmy Eat World's song about a dead person.

*Or, as with these (reviews? Thoughts? Pointless asides?) a close enough approximation of her name.

#things that aren't running #I did this like a week and a half ago and forgot to post it

[welcome-to-the-end-of-eras]

Pulleyverse MCs and How They Sleep At Night

In honor of the fact that I completely conked out after work and just woke up like 20 minutes ago at 2 am :^))))

Thaniel: he has no sense of personal space in his sleep. Just full on fuckin starfish. Mori absolutely does not mind bc Human Weighted Blanket but it takes so much fucking force to make him stay on his own side when need be. He will always apologize but there is not a force on earth that can prevent him from doing it.

Mori: he's definitely a sleep talker, but the kind of sleep talker who only says some buckwild phrase/sentence once and stops until like 45 minutes later. And since he can see into the future it's even fucking weirder bc it's stuff no one has heard of yet. I just picture him in the middle of the night saying modern shit like "wacka flocka flame" out of nowhere and scaring the shit out of everyone around him.

Merrick: SNORES. This man snores so loud I know it in my bones. Growing up Charles invested in a really nice set of earplugs because he could hear his fucking snores through the walls, and even created a will at the ripe age of twelve just so he could leave those earplugs to Merrick's future spouse so they don't have to endure it as well. It is LOUD. Poor Raphael thought there was an earthquake the first time he had to sleep in the same vicinity as him and has not recovered since.

Raphael: idk why but I feel like he sometimes just sleeps with his eyes open. He has them open when he like freezes and stuff so when he goes to sleep his brain kind of interprets it the same and his eyes just end up being open. Either that or he just ends up falling asleep in really weird positions that cannot possibly be comfortable, and gets really confused in the morning when his back hurts.

Joe: he has really vivid dreams. Not just about his memories and past lives and stuff, but he once was so fully convinced that a horse was walking around on the deck of the ship because he could remember seeing one in his dream, it took like five different people on the night rotation to convince him otherwise. And even then he wasn't 100% convinced.

Missouri: no matter what size bed he's sleeping on, he always sleeps stock still like he's in a small ass twin bed. I'm talking stiff as a board, not moving an inch just in case he manages to fall off of like a queen sized bed even when he's in absolutely no danger of falling off. He also seems like the kind of person who can fall asleep standing up for some reason.

Valery: fuckin blanket stealer. Shenkov literally bought himself a second comforter because he was tired of freezing his ass off at night, and still without fail he will end up without a blanket come the morning. He also seems like the kind of person who needs to have some kind of contact with the person they're sleeping next to, and if they move he wakes up immediately and is very much worried that they now suddenly hate him. He just wants to be Cozy your honor :(

Shenkov: he's such a light sleeper that even car headlights shining through the window will wake him up, so he HOARDS melatonin and other sleeping agents like it's gold. In modern times he would have like blackout curtains, white noise machines, sleep masks, the fucking works, as well as a very elaborate bedtime routine that he sticks to religiously to make sure he can sleep for as long as possible.

Bonus Rounds!!!

Flint: he always has to read something to fall asleep. If he doesn't have something to focus on before he falls asleep he will not be able to do it bc his brain just wanders too much. Conversely, he cannot read in the daytime because it will put him to sleep no matter how interested he is in the book.

January (I'm calling my shot with this one, we'll see if I'm right or not): he seems like the kind of person who needs to wear headphones to sleep properly, but he doesn't play any kind of soothing music; on the contrary, it's very dramatic and loud music that he gets very focused on, and that's what helps him sleep.

Gale (again, calling my shot): I feel like they have such a specific and densely layered white noise setting that just puts them to sleep immediately, but if it changes even fractionally they will not be able to sleep at all. Like if one of the twelve different white noise layers gets lowered by >1% they bolt straight up in bed.

#ngl some of my headcanon posts are shots in the dark but this one is one of the more accurate ones imo #natasha pulley #the watchmaker of filigree street #twofs #the lost future of pepperharrow #tlfop #the kingdoms #tk #the bedlam stacks #tbs #the half life of valery k #thlovk

[bomberqueen17]

oops

lol yet again i missed doing my friday update schedule. in my defense, a lot's been going on. before I say anything else I should also say-- DMs on Tumblr currently do not work for me, the message thing shows me the preview but if I click on it, I absolutely cannot open the window, it will hang for literal days. I have the square blank in the corner of this tab as I am composing and no longer remember what I was trying to get it to open. So if you send me an IM on Tumblr I will only be able to read whatever of it is in the preview! So don't be offended if I never respond, because I can't write back because the window literally never opens. I got one to open yesterday but it was about 45 minutes and a lot of window reloading. I think it's safe to say that feature's just gotta be dead to me. RIP.

Anyway what's been up! my BFF from high school came thru Thursday night with her kids to stay in my cabin and i was a bit frantic getting the place ready, as it's not exactly listed on AirBnB. (She was like "oh wow this is a lot bigger and nicer than i thought" girl you were going to cram your children and yourself into a tiny half-finished shack with me? what??? jeez) and at the last minute Dude was like "oh i'm coming too" which, fortunately, I had put myself into a full-size bed on the pull-out couch so there was room for him to be there too but if this were any smaller a tiny house that would not have been possible. see, this is why i didn't actually build a tiny tiny house, it wouldn't have worked.

Anyway they left friday and i spent the day making sausage as fast as i could, and then in the afternoon dude helped me package it and then! i had! two full days! off! (ok i'm in the second of those days rn) so

saturday being My Birthday I made a snap decision that we were going to go see some art, so we drove over to the Clark Institute in Williamsburg MA (like a long half-hour away, it's not far) and saw some of my good buddies in the permanent collection.

(Mom used to take us kids there when we were little, and there are a lot of Renoirs and John Singer Sargent and some Frederic Rembrandt and Winslow Homer and whatnot, many of which I have seen so often as to consider old friends. (This Bougereau, Mom had a poster of on her bedroom wall, and I have always loved it. Apparently, my grandpa upon seeing it-- not the letters grandpa, the other one-- exclaimed of the one whose back faces the viewer "Oh Betty, it's you!" Betty being my grandma.)

I discovered quite by accident, while fucking around on my phone, that there was a Pokestop out in the courtyard, and the Pokestop was titled something about Jenny Holtzer, and i was like wait what and sure enough. There's a set of four white granite benches out there with Jenny Holtzer engravings on them.

This one is fucking brutal, as her shit tends to be:

[image description: a white granite bench engraved with the following text, somewhat darkened by pooled rainwater: "BY YOUR REPONSE TO DANGER IT IS EASY TO TELL HOW YOU HAVE LIVED AND WHAT HAS BEEN DONE TO YOU YOU SHOW WHETHER YOU WANT TO STAY ALIVE, WHETHER YOU THINK YOU DESERVE TO, AND WHETHER YOU BELIEVE IT'S ANY GOOD TO ACT."]

There was also a temporary exhibition of paintings and woodcuts/lithographs/prints by Norwegian artist Edvard Munch, yes including a lithograph of That Painting. Fairly stunning! Running thru October, I recommend it if you're in the area!

ok idk what else has been happening. i am so tired. i might play some pokey mans today but i also might just. not. really. do much of anything. which is boring and dumb and won't make me feel better next week when i have to go back and do more work and have achieved none of my personal goals. but sometimes brain no worky, and that's that.

#about the author

[fructidors]

@radioactivegeorg cassette tips!!!

ok so. generally it is very easy to record cassettes. i for one was surprised about how easy it was. it is however a little timely but worth it because cassettes are god's most beautiful children.

you will need a cassette player obviously. i have bad experiences with the small walkman-type guys but i think that might just have been mine. this is the one i use to record them & play them most of the time

got it from my dad and she is my favorite firstborn son who is 30 years older than me. yeah you heard it right this bitch was made in the SEVENTIES and she hasn't let me down once except when she ran out of batteries that one time. as long as yr cassette player has a record button it should be fine though

you also need:

cassettes! fun fact you don't actually need blank ones (although they are a little easier) you can record over regular ones! i don't personally have experience with this though so here is an article on it

your Device! so Hypothetically i think you MIGHT be able to record from a phone if you have either a headphone jack on your phone or a very functional headphone jack to lightning adapter. again i have not personally tried this so i would recommend Computer

your music! Another Fun Fact you don't have to have any music downloaded to record it onto a cassette! cassettes will literally record any audio coming from your Device so all you need is a playlist from your streaming service of choice, a youtube playlist, a playlist of files on some media player, something like that. you could record a whole episode of television if you want no one can stop you. i will explain how to arrange yr music further on.

a cable that goes between the cassette player and the Device! typically a male-to-male 3.5mm headphone jack cable (gayyy). this guy.

this is probably the only thing on the list that isn't like. immediately obvious-- i got mine at a local guitar store but they're very cheap online

and of course fun things to decorate the cassette with!!! the Most Important part. i use sharpie paint pens.

OKAY!! step one!! get yr music organized. yr tape is probably either 60 or 90 minutes long or maybe 110 or 100 or possibly some other strange number if you're using a prerecorded tape. either way you need to make two playlists each the length of one side of the tape. so if i'm making a mixtape i usually make one big 90 minute playlist and then divide it up into 45 minute playlists when i'm done. if you're doing an album you Might be able to get one on each side (again depending on what length yr tape is). since the playlists generally end up a minute or so under the exact length my very favorite thing in the entire world to do is add a random song and let it play out in part at the end and not write it down on the tracklist. music dessert.

step two!! get those guys connected. my tape player has this hole labeled MIC

but yrs might not. so just plug one end of the cable into whatever hole looks like an audio input or headphone jack and hope it works. i am the farthest from an expert here. & then plug the other end into yr Device's headphone jack! congratulations you are now practicing Mad Science & yr devices are having transgenerational gay sex. (at least that is what it feels like)

step three!! play that audio!!! so this is the part where trial & error is key. because if you record your music on full volume it will sound Bad. i typically turn the volume on whatever platform my playlist is on way down. like.

but you don't want it Too Quiet or else you'll have to turn your player's volume so far up that the tape hiss will start to overpower the music. it's a balancing act. which is why you should...

step three point five make a test patch!! what i usually do is play the first ten seconds of the first song, ten seconds from the middle of that song, and ten seconds from one or two more songs on the playlist, just to get the full range of volumes & frequencies & whatnot. then rewind and listen to it back and figure out if it should be louder or quieter. this might not be super obvious right away (my first cassette Sucked) but it gets pretty easy to tell eventually.

step four record that bitch!!!! don't press play on your music the Second you press record because there's a bit of plastic at the beginning of the tape that can't be recorded onto so you'll lose the first few seconds of your music. this is also why you shouldn't have a playlist that's Exactly the length of a side but rather a little shorter or a little longer w/ a song you're cool with getting cut off. and then. you wait. my absolute least favorite bit. recording is basically the same as playing (in that the entire tape gets run through the player, at the same speed) except you can't listen to any music. you should also probably refrain from using the Device while recording to avoid any other sounds playing because like i said the tape isn't recording your music specifically, it's recording all the audio from the Device. i have So Many tapes with text tones interrupting the music :( generally i like to record tapes when i'm out or doing something off my computer or on occasion sleeping. once the whole side has been recorded there's a click (like when the whole side has been played) and you turn the cassette over, go to your second playlist, and do the whole thing over again!!

step five best step the reason we do it all DECORATE!!!! coolest thing about cassettes is you can decorate literally the whole thing. all the case all the card all the cassette itself!! anything that works on plastic should work. here are my children:

& yeah that's it!!! sorry this got so long & over-explain-y i just. love talking about cassettes. number one activity. lmk if you have any other questions!!

#📼 #oh i am SO thrilled there is a cassette emoji. effervescent #anyways i just got a better cassette deck for hanukkah & am vaguely contemplating starting a tape label (like. for my friends’ bands) #so expect lots more tapeposting in future

[the-arson-author-gamer]

How Likely Each Stardew Valley Villager Would Give Me Drugs If I Asked For It 

(and other related matters)

Ok, before I begin, this wasn't an original idea, I got inspired, and unlike some people (ssstalkerwolf) I like to give credit. So here it is!

Either way, after watching a video by the stardew youtuber, Nino Kito (go subscribe) and reading the article that he read (which is hilarious by the way), I essentially went 'could I do this in my own way?'

And I did.

I find it worth it to at least read the article before you read this because there are some references and I think one should go back to the original source if they can.

Also, this was for fun, and my own amusement watching my friends slowly lose their perception of who I am as a person.

As you can already tell, this is going to be long, so everything will be under the cut for the remaining sanity of you and myself after I post it.

#45: Jas

First, a literal child. Second, she knows what drugs are, and it would traumatize her for life if you asked because she absolutely knows what drugs do to Marnie after her 3-day work week and Shane after another depressing night at the saloon. That kid can’t witness another addiction come into place, her childlike whimsy is depleting at a rapid pace.

#44: Vincent

90% sure that this kid doesn’t even understand the concept of war, let alone what weed is and why mom keeps getting upset when dad doesn’t act paranoid for once in his very sad life. There’s no sense asking him if he doesn’t even know what it is, which is why he places above Jas, who knows what drugs are. If the kid ever learned how to read within the several years you’ve been in the valley, he might learn what it is, but that chance is highly unlikely considering Penny’s report cards, so you’re safe for now. Or at least until he asks Jodi.

#43: Leo

Leo’s third because that’s also a kid, but also because Vincent could figure out what drugs are, Leo will never. Considering all the research done on the few surviving feral children (because society keeps fucking it up) it is even a wonder that Leo can still speak, let alone read. That kid will just squawk at you like a fucking parrot. Another waste of your precious time, but at least you aren’t potentially traumatizing any more children than you have to for your drug quest.

#42: Jodi

Christian stay-at-home housewife to a man of war? Jodi gives me homophobe vibes, let alone you asking for a bit of the good stuff. That woman is calling you the spawn of Satan and then tries to hit you with her purse. You get away easily because beating up monsters in the mines does wonders, but you aren’t seeing the likes of Vincent ever again, considering we all know how those people are. You can still see Sam, but that’s because her closeted bisexual son knows how to evade her and how to get easy drugs (Sebastian).

#41: Demetrius

Yeah, Demetrius could cook up meth like Walter White but the dude’s a wet blanket. Not only will he say no, but the guy is going to follow you around like a lost puppy asking if you are okay or need addiction therapy. If you make the mistake of asking him, that’s on you for thinking that the man that embodies 90s romance movie father of the girl next door will ever give you drugs.

#40: Morris

Yeah, the man is totally an asshole. He would ban you from ever being hired at Joja, but he technically can’t block you from entering or buying any Joja product without causing the third Joja scandal of the month (It’s the 12th of Summer). If pollution’s mascot bans you from their stores, not only are they losing their precious small town pennies, but also getting another parody article from The Onion that blows up on Twitter. Still not getting back into Joja though after you fuck up so bad on the farm there’s no point of return, but that’s probably for the better.

#39: Governor

That feathered fedora says all, the man has drugs, but there will be no allusion to it due to the fact that he requires those important republican/conservative Christian mom votes. You can ask him, but there’s no way you will ever get any from him. The only thing you are getting from him is the place where he gets those hats and a governmental secret that you’re forced to take to the grave. Congrats, your knowledge of the valley increased by 0.17%!

#38: Penny

Similar to the governor, Penny has drugs, but she isn’t giving them to you, or even telling you that she has them. That shitty toddler teaching job is the only thing preventing her and Pam from going out on the streets. If she gets her online bought teaching licence revoked, she’s done for. It’s best not to ask her for both of your remaining pieces of sanity.

#37: Marnie

She also has drugs, but her already thin supply of ketamine is running thinner by the continued amount of days that Shane has been in the valley. If you ask her, she’ll just say sorry and try to sell you another cow for more drug money and an apology toy for Jas for putting up her remaining family’s bullshit.

#36: Clint

This man is the biggest pussy in the town, you really think he can handle anything more than a single pint of beer, then you’re wrong. He would panic and then cry in the seclusion of the machinery of the blacksmith’s opening your 28 magma geodes if you ever asked him for drugs. I also think he would up the coal prices again if you asked, and nobody wants to dust sprite farm more than they have to. Or pay thousands into Clint’s Emily shrine in the closet for a few morsels of coal.

#35: Harvey

Another pussy, but instead of saying no, he just quakes in his dress shoes at the counter while he hands over you some of the hardest drugs ever prescribed to man. But you will never consider him as an option considering his status as the town’s top scaredy-cat and the only ones who will ever know this is Maru his only employee and Pam who was just bold enough to ask.

#34: Robin

Robin grew up in construction and carpentry, the concept of drugs does not scare Robin, therefore she isn’t going to freak out like everybody so far on the list. But she has none for you, because she is apparently some kind of good samaritan. It must be all those rants from Demetrius and the science behind hearing enough of a concept makes you believe it.

#33: Goblin Henchmen

The only drugs the henchman will give you is the delicacy of void mayo (if you can even gain any friendship with the fellow). So unless if the mayonnaise from magic void chickens does something interesting, it may not be worthwhile to you. The only reason he ranks higher is that I don’t know the hallucinogenic properties of void mayo (yet).

#32: Marlon

Yeah, the guy has drugs, but he won’t give them to you, considering that he knows you would absolutely take it into the mines and snort some cocaine while completing the wizard’s prismatic jelly quest (I don’t blame you, that quest is hell). He’s already lost too many members to drug use in the mines, it’s kind of embarrassing at this point. Though, if you have drugs on you and are out of the mines, he’ll totally join you as the first member (and only sane member) of the Nightmare Blunt Rotation Circle™. 

#31: Pierre

Remember the secret stash cutscene? Pierre has drugs, but he isn’t letting go of those narcotics at all. Good luck trying to get out of there with your perception of that family intact. You will have no drugs, only another couple of secrets that you have to take to the grave. At least now you know why Abigail’s hair has remained purple after never dyeing it.

#30: Maru

While Maru does not have drugs, she is chill about them and will even occasionally join Sebastian once in a while. She will probably just direct you towards Sebastian, if anything. But considering the kind of game Stardew is, this is essentially a long side quest, but instead of getting a tool or another ridiculous single use item it’s just drugs… Wait.

#29: Gus

Despite the fact that Sebastian is dealing right under his nose (what do you really think he’s doing every Friday night? It obviously isn’t beating Sam at pool, he’s done that hundreds of times already, there’s no thrill to it anymore) Gus believes that his saloon is free of drugs. Which is a stupid assumption considering that he deals with both Pam and Shane on a regular basis for their alcohol. He’ll just say no and then watch you avidly for the next few times you visit on Friday to hand out an assortment of iridium rabbit feet as if it’s completely normal.

#28: George

Poor man is in possession of nothing more than some expired Tylenol in the back of the medicine shelf that he can’t reach. George should probably be on some serious opioids but considering that state of that wheelchair (which I’m pretty sure is growing mold) he probably has nothing for you. But if you offered him anything, you would gain more friendship than giving him an iridium leek on his 87th birthday.

#27: Grandpa

When Grandpa was alive, he had complete access to drugs (Working with Qi will do that to you). But it’s not like he’s alive enough to give them to you, unless if there’s some kind of astral plane/purgatory narcotic that he can hand out (which would be sick as fuck).  But besides Grandpa’s lack of drugs, he totally hanged around Willy and Linus in ye olden days, creating the first edition of the Nightmare Blunt Rotation Circle™. You’ll get some great stories through the dream realm but no drugs.

#26: Gunther

I think Gunther would get bored at the museum, waiting around for your once-a-month visit with a bunch of ores or artifacts. Of course, he gets excited to have those, but he goes through inspecting them so quick that he’s done only a couple of days after your visit. So a bored archaeologist has to do something… drugs. He does drugs. It’s not like the poor lonely man has anything to offer you, but if you offered him something, he would be quite excited. The only way, the man has access to some magic mushrooms is following you to the mines and going down to floor 80 to pick up some stuff. At least he’s responsible enough not to go alone or do the magic mushrooms while in the caves, unlike the entirety of the now dead Adventurers Guild.

#25: Haley

Yeah, article’s right, Haley would not have drugs but would absolutely be able to lead you to them. This girl knows everybody, and the next party she’s going to? That you were only half paying attention to because she kept insulting your taste in fashion? Yeah, she knows a guy, who knows a guy, who’s friend’s sister’s step-brother is going to be there and has got a great stash that he’s willing to share. 

#24: Sandy

Sandy’s shop lives right off of Qi, her business essentially relies on that man, 110% that she would return the favour to Qi by directing you to him. Sandy is a solid contact if you really need some good drugs.

#23: Bouncer

Akin to Sandy, the bouncer works for Qi, of course he has access to drugs, not like he’s going to hand them out willingly, though he will direct you to Qi for more business. He and Sandy got a solid deal with Qi if that they promote the drug business in the desert (to the trader) than they get more money in their pockets and some free stuff to themselves, are they going to deny a great deal? I think not.

#22: Dwarf

As we know, the Dwarf doesn’t have a basic concept of personal property, so any of the drugs he has are stolen from Linus’s stashes around the valley. So yes he will give you drugs, but you just don’t know who it’s from. If you are fine with risking getting caught with somebody else’s drugs that have been second-hand stolen, then go right ahead! Dwarf’s got you!

#21: Pam

I feel as this is self-explanatory, Pam has drugs, she gets them from Harvey, but she much rather join you for drinks than for drugs. She has them, but I think what’s left of Pam’s moral standing wouldn’t exactly feel 100% okay giving a 20-something year old hard drugs (not that she knows what Penny does when she isn’t around). You’d still have a great night, it just wouldn’t be drugs.

#20: Professor Snail

Article’s right again, that Snail man totally survived off of magic mushrooms inside that caves. If you ask him for drugs, he would just shakily point a finger towards the mushroom caves.

#19: Willy

I think Willy would be a complicated man, I don’t think he would do drugs, but I think he wouldn’t care if you did them, maybe he would oversee the Nightmare Blunt Rotation Circle™. At most would do a bong with you while night fishing, but he wouldn’t go apeshit like anybody else, so that’s a plus. 

#18: Kent

“He was in the war!” Bitch so? If you offered that guy some relief from the constant trauma, he would pay off your mortgage. He doesn’t have any drugs on his person because Jodi’s like a personified drug dog but also a bitch. But he does have some stashes around the valley, not very good spots though, considering that Linus took all of them. I think it’s worth noting that when high, Kent will reveal every piece of traumatic information he has from the war, which makes him an integral member of the Nightmare Blunt Rotation Circle™. Because no circle can go without a traumatized adult man!

#17: Granny Evelyn

Granny was the coolest kid in town back in ye olden days, she had anything and everything. Too bad she gave up on it after she married George and took in Alex. Despite all of that, she does have some likely-dead contacts for you if you are interested in whatever the hell Granny was into back in the days.

#16: Sam

Sam is besties with both Sebastian and Abigail, both of which have access to drugs through their respective sources. Despite being down the line a decent bit, Sam has got some shit that even his bloodhound of a mother can’t find, that guy grew up lying to his mom. Anyway, Sam is pretty chill to hang around, he’ll probably talk about music and video games the entire time, but a lot of people are into that stuff, so he’s a pretty good guy to chill with. However, the time it takes between him getting drugs from Sebastian or Abigail then using up a week’s supply is very short, so you must act fast if you want a chance to be with Sam.

#15: Lewis

You’re telling me that the mayor of a town consisting of 24 other people gives enough tax money in order to build a SOLID GOLD STATUE of himself? This statue is solid gold! Not laminated! That either took years to establish, or the guy has a secret drug empire. And I think it’s the latter. Lewis totally buys the drugs from Qi, then sells it at an astronomical price to the Governor. Yeah, the Governor. Why do you think Lewis smooches him up every year at the Luau! Lewis has drugs and is willing to sell it to you, so he can build another solid gold statue of himself, but it’s so pricey that it’s not worth it. Another governmental secret to take to the grave… Yippee. 

#14: Alex

Alex is probably willing to do anything to go pro, including taking steroids. Those books that he never reads but are never dusty? Yeah, there’s a big ass stash behind there. He’s willing to share if you’re a dude and give the ‘right’ reason why you want them (sports rather than anything else logical for a farmer). But if you’re a girl good luck, the misogyny runs strong within him until you kind of send him on a character arc.

#13: Shane

He’s stealing from Marnie, that much is obvious, dude’s so broke from spending his money on alcohol that he has none left for drugs. It’s not like Marnie is going to tell him to stop, so he has free rein of Marnie’s stash. If you get him drunk enough first, then he’s surprisingly willing to join you. Just note that he will drop all his traumas and life story on you, Shane will become an integral member of the Nightmare Blunt Rotation Circle™. 

#12: Elliot

Consider the daily struggle of writers and consider how Elliot can actually write a good book that fast… Drugs, obviously. You see, very few people could have the patience to speak like Shakespeare on a daily basis and somehow still make it understandable to the average Joe, AND still hold the best hair in the Valley (fight me). In fact, I’m bold enough to say that nobody has the patience to do all of that, the obvious answer is a constant influx of magic mushrooms provided by Leah. The main difference between the two is that Leah is more likely to show you all the good spots for forage, Elliot will straight up hand it to you as some poetic declaration of love. 

#11: Gil

After living a long time and serving the Adventurer’s Guild for so long, I think Gil would have to do something to pass the long hours of sitting around. So, despite Marlon’s protests, he snorts skeleton bone crack. Is Gil isn’t out of his mind of skeleton crack then he’s totally get you some, you just have to catch him at the right time (before 2pm, good luck).

#10: Abigail

Abigail has full access to Caroline’s ‘tea’ garden, unlike Pierre, and she has access to whatever the hell Sebastian has on him at any time. So she’s got plenty of people to send you to and plenty of drugs to share. Overall, Abigail is a solid choice to go to, and she’d be cool to hang with as well. Maybe just don’t go to the mines with her to snort crack because nobody needs another grave hanging around the cemetery that Abigail can no longer visit.

#9: Linus

While we are collectively unsure of the reason Linus decided to live out in the wild and cosplay a caveman, I can obviously determine that the man has so much planted around the valley. Weed? Oh yeah, that’s at the train tracks behind the bath house, nobody bothers to go up beyond that point! Cocaine? He talks to the travelling trader a lot. You name it, he has it. He’s also friends with the wizard, which should be enough proof in the first place. The only reason he’s ranked here is that everybody else is practically on par with him. 

#8:  Emily

As long as you are fine with spiritual shit and dancing, then Emily is the person you should go to. I mean, at least Emily isn’t like some of those weird spiritual people that you can sometimes meet, she’s just cool and into crystals and their meanings. Anyway, Emily is cool, would hit you up with whatever she’s got, and you would probably learn about crystals more than you should? 8/10 experience, would go again.

#7: Caroline

That tea cutscene? That greenhouse? Married to Pierre? Yeah, Caroline is not just growing tea in that greenhouse of hers. She is absolutely willing to share because her only friend is Jodi, and we already covered her drug dog tendencies. Also, being married to Pierre is already hell on earth, so she will take anything that she can get (this includes a friend). Should I mention that she totally had a fling with the wizard? Who would totally hand out drugs at any given moment for a solar essence? Yeah, Caroline is cool, and she is a great candidate to ask for drugs and hang with.

#6: Leah

Let’s face it, there is no way in hell that Leah wasn’t high while making that statue, yeah, that one. Also, she just forages around for her food on a daily basis, I wouldn’t be surprised if she came across one of Linus’s stashes. Also, she would hand around Linus and do magic mushrooms, fall in the valley is the best season for them after all. She will show you all the best spots, her favourite is the cliff wall behind the Wizard’s tower where all sorts of weird shit grows. It’s best not to ask the origins of it, only how high it will make you.

#5: Krobus

C’mon, you just know that he has drugs down in that sewer, he probably provides come cool stuff to the Wizard to experiment with every now and again. Also, if you are roommates with him, you will also get the experience with hanging around with the coolest creature around. 10/10, always go to Krobus.

#4: Birdie

The fairy dust is not the only thing that is magical about Birdie, her island based drugs are astronomical. She has access to things that very few can even bother to search for, go to Birdie to have a riveting conversation about the sea while being high as fuck.

#3: Sebastian

Sebastian buys primarily from Qi, in fact, he’s Qi’s best buyer, so it’s obvious that he has stuff on hand, and he’s willing to hand stuff out as well. The thing that makes Sebastian so high on the list in comparison to others is the fact that, like Linus, he has everything. Go to Sebastian, any angsty rants about his stepdad and wanting to leave the Valley will be worth anything that Sebastian has got from Qi. 

#2: Wizard

In your very first cutscene with this guy, you get handed some forestry concoction that could totally be considered a drug. The shit this guy has is phenomenal, and he is willing to give it out as long as you have a couple void essence to spare as repayment. Any failed potions or concoctions are being chucked out the window into the concerning lack of wildlife in the valley, all for Leah to watch crazy ass mushrooms to grow then snort them. 

#1: Mr Qi

Where do you think Sebastian’s getting the drugs? Qi runs an empire much larger than Lewis’s statues, Pierre’s money hounding, and Joja’s corporation desires would ever think of having. Qi is the sole reason why Stardew is still holding a half decent economy before you started mass-producing starfruit wine. If you want any kind of drug, you go to Qi, he’s got you covered. 

Bonus: Hat Mouse

Hat Mouse is cool, go to hat mouse. Hat mouse has drugs.

---

And that's a wrap! I hoped you found as much fun in this as I did for the past 2 months when I found time, and I guess the real questions are:

Who would you go to for drugs in the Valley?

Should I post this to my ao3 for shits and giggles?

#stardew valley #stardew #sdv #I'm not tagging every villager no way #taag talks #Jodi's part is my favourite #but Lewis is really close as a second #Youtube

[jungle-angel]

Nightmare (Bob x Reader)

Summary: Bob’s always been with you through the worst of the worst....even the nightmares (P.S the reader is pregnant, sorry for not clarifying)

Beep....beep......the heart monitor ticked away....

Beep.....beep.....fainter and fainter as you howled for Bob’s name in the dark red void, your own racing, your feet running in ten foot bounding strides as though you were running after him......

beep.....beep...

beep........

BEEEEEEEPPP......!!!!!!! The flatline screeched in your ears.......

“BOB!!!!!! BOB!!!!!!” 

“OH MY GOD!!!! BOB!!!” you screamed out loud. 

Bob suddenly awoke to the sound of your screaming, shaken to the core as he tried to wake you. “Baby? Baby what’s wrong?” he questioned, the panic in his own voice evident. 

You sobbed into the pillow, hardly noticing the feeling of his hands running up and down your arms. “(Y/n), honey talk to me? What happened?” 

“I can’t, I can’t,” you squeaked. 

Bob tossed aside the covers and made his way over to your side of the bed, kneeling at your side as you shook and trembled, even under his gentle touch. Just by the look on your face alone it must have been really bad. 

“Shhh, sweetheart it’s ok,” Bob murmured, gently scratching at your shoulders. “Gimme one second, I’ve gotta go get my glasses.” 

You nodded weakly as he went and grabbed his glasses, a terrible feeling of nausea beginning to creep its way in as well as the violent kicking in your belly. “Oh baby,” you murmured. “Mama’s sorry. Mama’s so sorry...” 

Bob came right back to you and helped you sit up, easing you up slowly so that the rush of blood to your head didn’t cause you to pass out. “You ok?” he asked, cupping your face so that his thumb gently brushed away the tear stains on your cheeks. 

“God it was so scary,” you whimpered. “Everything was red and black.....like the Upside Down......I could hear a heart monitor and you, you were......oh Bob, I can’t even right now.” 

“Aw sweetheart come here,” he said, drawing you in close to him, your head resting on his chest. His heartbeat echoed in your ear, racing a little as his panic began to subside. “It’s alright. I’m here....I’m here.” 

Your fingers clenched, gripping a handful of his t-shirt in your fingers. You felt it once again, the kicking that literally took your breath away. “Oh....ow....ow! Shit.....” 

“Here, lay down,” Bob said. 

He helped you ease onto your back, propping your head and shoulders up to make you comfortable. When Bob looked at the clock, the green digital numbers read 3:45 am......the Witching Hour. God why was it always between three and five in the morning that shit hit the fan? For the longest time he had only thought it was the deep seeded beliefs of his superstitious Irish grandmother.....but later on, Bob had realized she had been right.

“First thing’s first,” he chuckled. “We are not.....I repeat not ever.....watching Stranger Things before bed, ever again.” 

You laughed a little, gripping his hand in yours. It was so warm, so comforting.....you didn’t want to let it go. All too soon your bliss was broken as the kicking started again. “Oh you’ve got to be kidding little guy,” you winced. 

Bob crawled in beside you, his hand and his head coming to rest on your belly. “Shhhh,” he murmured. “It’s ok, it’s ok buddy. Daddy’s here.....Daddy’s got you. I’ll never let anything bad happen to you or to Mama....I promise.” 

Your fingers raked through Bob’s shiny, dark blonde hair as his gentle hand and voice seemed to soothe the baby. It wasn’t long before his voice began to sing, the tune as familiar as the jets that flew over Mirimar. 

“ It goes on and on Bound to forever Even when we're gone It goes on and on We'll be together At the rising of the dawn It goes on....”

His voice was as low and sweet as rain, singing every word perfectly, just as he had when you had slow danced at the Zac Brown concert just weeks after your wedding. You felt so much more relaxed with Bob there as he rested against you. In no time at all, you felt the baby resting inside you, no longer squirming or frightened. You laughed a little as Bob’s snoring soon filled the room as you drifted back to sleep. Thank God the two of you didn’t have to work in the morning. 

3 months later

Bob looked around the room with one arm around you and your son, Michael, resting his tiny head over his heart. The other pilots, Penny and Maverick included, were all asleep, having arrived in the middle of the night to see their new nephew. 

 Michael twitched a little, a squeaky little cough escaping his throat along with a cry. Bob very carefully lifted his arm from behind you, trying his damndest not to wake you. “Shhhh, shhh it’s ok,” he murmured. “Did you have a nightmare?” 

Michael’s eyes blinked open, staring right up at Bob. “You know,” he said. “Mommy had a bad nightmare once too. But you know what? Your mommy, your daddy and all your aunties and uncles will make them go away. You know why? Because we love you.” 

Bob shifted him a little bit in his arms so that Michael’s head came to rest over Bob’s heart, his shirt open just slightly enough for skin-to-skin contact. Michael’s eyes began to slowly drift shut at the sound of his father’s gentle heartbeat, his fingertips brushing lightly over the soft tufts of dark gold hair. Bob looked over at you, a tired smile on your face as you looked up at him. Your eyes met for the briefest second before he pressed a soft kiss to your lips. 

“I love you Bob,” you whispered. 

“I love you too (y/n),” Bob said, giving you an Eskimo kiss before he kissed your lips again. “I always will.” 

“Always?” 

“Always.”

#top gun maverick #bob floyd #robert bob floyd #bob x reader #dad bob #original child characters #top gun fam #top gun fandom

[fyodorloveclub]

Hi my little academia whores it me you’re favorite 🪱I am back 😏 if you don’t remember me I’m that one person with the ridiculous fyodor headcanons. And boy has it been a hot minute since I’ve last told you them. Boy do I have more because like untreated mental illness it’s been festering. So without further ado here are some Fyodor headcanons for the soul.

- Fyodor has never had a nickname and if you say well “what about fedya?” ERRR DOESNT COUNT. So one day he (mistakenly) asked nikola to pick out a nick name. To make a long story short his nickname is Jesus. And it’s not pronounced like jeez-us it’s pronounced like hey-sus like in the Spanish pronunciation 💀💀 why? Because nikola had been watching too many soap operas and one of the main antagonists is called jesus

-Fyodor has his ears pierced. He suddenly got them done at a Claire’s shop in 2010 and bought the flip phone lip gloss with the 20% discount you get after you get your ears pierced.

-Fyodor stole a coi fish from a Chinese restaurants tank. He used a pitcher of water left on a table. He has so many fucking random pets

-Fyodor at one point sold feet pics for 45$ a piece.

-Fyodor got a restraining orders from The Weekend, yeah like in the singer the Weekend. Why? No clue

-Fyodor has not one not two, but 26 scrub daddy sponges in a small cubby by his bed

-Fyodor at one point couldnt tell if he liked dazai or hated him. They kissed to see and they’ve never talked about it afterwards. Like it’s the only thing they will never talk about because of how fucking awkward it was lmao anyways 0/10 don’t recommend.

-Fyodor has almost been inaugurated as the Pope. I’m not giving any background story to this one 💀

-fyodor thought chuuya was Russian for the longest time and he would speak to chuuya in Russian…chuuya indeed does not speak Russian and he just nodded along to whatever he said. Chuuya now only has nine toes 😔

-Fyodor ran an illegal ceramic making class on Facebook live.

-Fyodor sometimes will say very philosophical and just smart things without knowing it, during a conversation. After the convos done he quite literally pat’s himself and whispers “wow that was good.” Like a fucking geek. I want suck his dick 🫶

-fyodor got a degree in Earl childhood development and education from the university of Chicago! Ain’t that cool?….I want him to breed me 🦅💯

-Fyodor got “deez nutz” tattooed on the sid of his ribs in cursive. So it looks like it’s something poetic and meaningful, when in reality he got the tattoo after his favorite drag queen lost in rupaul’s drag race and he had like five margaritas.

-Fyodor tried to start the second potato famine in Ireland. Clearly it didn’t work

-Fyodor hates the state of Arizona so much he petitioned for it to be removed from being a state to congress again clearly didn’t work 10/10 for effort though! I want him to choke me with his cold pretty hands

-fyodor doesn’t British people like. He can’t stand them? And you’re probably thinking “wym he hates them?” Like he made them on the top of his little mass murder list. He has beef with them for no reason??? I-

-Fyodor has worn women’s underwear before! He quite likes it although he did find them in a Macy trash with a half eaten chipotle bowl, he thought they were quite comfy!

-Fyodor stole thirty ponds of cucumbers from a cabbage smuggler….I want him to fuck me until I see stars ✝️

-Fyodor loves Parmesan cheese especially freshly grated :))

Sorry for this being so short 💀

Anyways I hope you have a good day MWAH

Sincerely, your one and only horny cabbage smuggler

-🪱

there are tears in my eyes rn HOW do u come up with these 💀💀💀💀💀💀 WHY ARE THE SCRUB DADDIES BY HIS BED

HE FOUND THE UNDERWEAR IN A MACY'S TRASH CAN I GENUINE ;LY CANT BREATHE

CHUUYA NOW ONLY HAS 9 TOES?

#🪱 demon #voices in my head #{ musings; fyodor }

[teasandcardigans]

the fail of imperium sweetheart

you asked for it, and its here! i got a little carried away with this, but i hope you all enjoy! a full analysis on the imperium’s most dismissed character, sweetheart

please keep in mind this is my own opinion, and i am not expressing hate towards erik. i think the amount of work he does to produce quality content is something that deserves respect and acknowledgement. with that said, i do also feel like i can share my own thoughts on the subject:

edit: tumblr formatted this poorly so if you would like to read it via notion, click here.

Imperium 2021 Runtime (Not including: Welcome to the Imperium, Your Place Among Magic, Welcome Back): 2 hours, 57 minutes, 48 seconds

Cataclysm 2022 Runtime: 5 hours, 21 minutes, 45 seconds

Combined Working Runtime: 8 hours 19 minutes, 33 seconds

(This is the amount of content I scanned to compile my list of quotes and opinions on this piece. I chose these videos specifically because they are the videos that realistically could have featured Sweetheart at any time.)

first mention: Audio RP | Caught By a Cruel Werewolf Pack

[01:14] “You really think that there wasn’t any kind of security at an academy office? Those enforcer goons aren't the only ones keeping shit in line around here. You weren't the only one in that room, you know. My mate’s a stealth. They watched you every step of the way, trailed you, and once you actually pulled those files, they sounded the alarm for all the rest of us. They hung back to see if you were just some kind of distraction for somebody else to do the real dirty work, but apparently, it really was just you.” 

some things to unpack here:

milo’s line implies the level of trust the pack has with sweetheart— they have been with the pack long enough to be trusted to run security in an academy office all alone and be the alarm for the rest of the pack. i think their character speaks for themselves when milo reveals that they hung back to see if there was more than what met the eye- showing that they care about the work they are doing with the pack, too.

another takeaway i have from this is that sweetheart doesn’t work for the department in the imperium. the “why” for that is not really given, but if imperium sweetheart is enough like the redactedverse’s canon version of them, then i think that could easily be implied that sweetheart would be too much of a workaholic to be able to balance working with the pack and the department. i wish that we could know more about sweetheart’s backstory in the imperium. this cannot even fall under the argument of trying to allow for a neutral listener with an open backstory for audiences to collectively connect to, as backstories are given to listener characters such as freelancer, angel, and baby.

[03:50] “That is not how that fucking went down, you clout-chasing peon. My mate was cloaked, guarding the building, and saw this human trying to steal some records and shit and tagged them.”

my takeaway from this quote is that it again illustrates the level of trust the pack has in sweetheart. they are- at least i inferred this- alone, guarding an important building with classified academy documents. asher, with his present no- nonsense attitude, would not put something like that up to chance. to appoint sweetheart to guard that building is a demonstration of wholehearted trust.

note: i’d like to take a moment to draw attention to the fact that the first actual appearance of sweetheart we get is literally the third to last video before the cataclysm finale, despite the fact they played a key role in the original imperium series- that role being sounding the alarm on imperium-babe and connecting them to asher, which inadvertently ties the shaw pack to avior and the haven’s plans to overpower the department. let’s just appreciate that for a second. erik- whether he meant to or not- made sweetheart a key player in this series, and yet, we don’t actually get to see them interacting with anyone until the very, very end. this section is analyzed a bit out of order so that i can avoid redundancy in expressing my opinions. please refer to time stamps!

first interaction: Cataclysm | Tantum Tyrannus [Audio RP]

[00:00 to 06:14] Sweetheart finds Asher unconscious, and Milo gone. Together, they figure out what Milo’s plan is and derive one of their own to save him. 6 minutes, 14 seconds.

all of these together exemplify the level of protectiveness and love that milo and sweetheart have for each other. it’s no secret that the two care very deeply for one another, canon timeline or not, but i think these quotes all show how sweetheart and milo will do anything to keep the other safe. the first quote at 01:15, to me, feels like a defensive retort after sweetheart possibly accuses asher of sending milo to face alexis alone- their protective instincts raise up in an effort to defend milo against anyone who tries to put him in harm’s way. it’s dismissed by asher of course, who explains that he was planning to go, but overall, each of these quotes make me crave a better insight into their relationship.

[01:15] “I wouldn’t let him do that.”

[01:38] “No, you are not coming.”

[04:12] “He wouldn’t want you to be in harm’s way. You know that.”

[02:52] “You know him. Better than any of us.”

this to me speaks to how deeply sweetheart and milo are involved. canon timeline or imperium, i think it’s safe to say that a mate’s bond is the deepest connection one can have with another person (maybe rivaled by a progeny-maker bond), so it’s so strange to me that couples such as vega and pet, vindemiator and freelancer, and avior and starlight get more “screentime” than sweetheart and milo. i know some of those pairs mentioned above are fan favorites, and erik was likely trying to give content that fans would enjoy, but i feel that his oversight on milo and sweetheart’s relationship- one that has existed longer than any other imperium relationship, mind you*- left a lot of blank spots into the true nature of their friendship and relationship that i would have love to have seen. in fact, i believe we know how every imperium relationship came to be except for milo and sweetheart.**

*milo and sweetheart were mates before Audio RP | Caught By a Cruel Werewolf Pack, as seen in milo’s comment about them stalking babe in the office. the aforementioned couples all supposedly got together in the months spanning between october 2021 and october 2022.

[04:46] “I would have given anything to have been at David’s side during that fight. All right. Come on.”

**vindemiator and freelancer: escaping the slicers and arriving at the academy together

vega and pet: pet is a feeding volunteer at the haven

starlight and avior: work companions growing into more

damien and angel: childhood friends turned lovers

asher and david: packmates turned lovers

you will see soon, i have a lot to say about david and asher. but i think that since their relationship is in the spotlight of cataclysm so much, this comment stands out to me. it gives sweetheart and milo’s relationship the same weight as david and asher’s- a weight that erik has been trying to demonstrate throughout this entire second trip to the imperium. it’s implied to me with this line that sweetheart draws a direct comparison from david to milo and asher acknowledges it, which begs the question: why is a non- existent relationship (rip david we love you) receiving more attention and screen time than one that exists and appears to have equal value?

[06:04] “We have to make the first hit count. Or we won’t get a second one.” 

i have to laugh at this one. it’s somewhat silly to me considering the fact that this line makes the fight scene feels so much bigger than what it actually turns out to be. that’s all.

second appearance: Cataclysm | Tantum Tyrannus [Audio RP]

[10:02 - 15:37] Asher and Sweetheart arrive at Alexis’s estate to save Milo. 5 minutes, 39 seconds.

i elected not to pull any quotes from this section purely for the fact that sweetheart’s interactions are truly limited. this scene mostly focuses on a facedown between asher and alexis, where sweetheart- and even milo, really (despite him being the reason they are there)- feel very much like background characters. this is about asher, getting revenge, for david. and yes, maybe a little bit to help save the world, but mostly, cataclysm is an asher-focused storyline. the most we get from sweetheart in this scene is asher talking to them in the beginning, and at the end. oh, yeah, they also helped stun and debilitate alexis so that asher could take her down. no biggie, right?

another spot for consideration: Cataclysm | Last Wish [Audio RP] 

Asher and Milo discuss the confrontation with Alexis as Milo heals.

personally, i find this choice to make sweetheart conveniently in another room making food as another way to eventually lead the conversation back to david and asher’s guilt. it is obvious that asher is trying to be the cold, hard, gruff alpha that he thinks he needs to be in order to prove his worth to the shaw pack as their leader. i don’t think in this side of the mirror asher would be too keen on being vulnerable and emotional around sweetheart about david, so erik removed sweetheart from the scene so we can, once again, focus on asher and david. (insert dramatic sigh here).

[01:48] “I figured your mate would be here.”

“They’re making some food, they should be back soon. I had to kick them out to keep them from fussing off of me and from reading me the absolute riot act doing this without telling them.”

[02:39] “They did good. I don't think I could have done that without them.”

i find this comment to be extremely ironic, as seen with my thoughts on the fight scene itself. asher commends sweetheart here and says how vital they were to the plan, but in reality, they felt like a minor character. they had one scene where they could have shown their strength and flex their skills- as we know they can (i.e. canon-timeline shade fight, canon-timeline apartment “break-ins,” and imperium-verse security detail in their first mention) and yet, their involvement in that scene feels small and overlooked.

third appearance: Cataclysm | Last Wish [Audio RP]

[15:41 - 16:14] Literally, Sweetheart comes, Asher goes. 33 seconds.

there’s not even anything to really analyze here. as soon as the focus pulls away from asher talking about himself and/or david, the scene ends. this is sweetheart and milo’s last appearance.

my overall thoughts:

of the 8 hours, 19 minutes, and 33 seconds that the imperium and cataclysm stories ran, sweetheart appeared in 12 minutes and 26 seconds of them (for those of you who like math, it’s 2.5% out of the full running time). for the importance of sweetheart’s role, that being the whistleblower on babe (and the ripple effect it had) and one of the key players in taking down alexis, i find their lack of appearance and mention disappointing. we all know how strong sweetheart is in both sides of the mirror, and i feel that they had much more potential as a character. from their relationship with milo, to their unexplained involvement with the Shaw Pack, there are a lot of gaps within their story that deserve recognition. even minor characters, such a baby and alexis, have more backstory and character development than sweetheart. i could go down a rabbit trail of how this could also be seen in inversion, but that is for a later date. in this analysis, i want to draw attention to the fact that so much time was dedicated to a relationship that we never even see, and another that sprung up over the break between “seasons.” asher and vega’s storylines are interesting and a far cry from their canon versions, but their importance feels dominating, and in the case of asher and david’s, exhausting. i’m not saying that even sweetheart and milo’s relationship deserved the spotlight, but i believe it would have been a more fulfilling, complex story if we had been able to see the moments with the two of them the way we get to see vega’s and vindemiator’s (the same goes for giving more explanation and attention to damien and angel’s, too). i’ll cut the novel short and end things with the hope that you, my lovely reader, can see how sweetheart’s potential as a character was diminished and pushed to the background when it could have been a unique and interesting piece to the imperium’s overall story.

#redacted asmr #redacted sweetheart #redacted milo #imperium sweetheart #imperium #redacted echotober #teasandwrites

[blackhakumen]

Mini Fanfic #1117: The Bear of Kyoukgen Arts (KOF X Art of Fighting)

2:56 p.m. in the Sarah Forest..........

Marco: (Takes a Very Deep Breath of his Outdoor Surroundings) Sarah Forest......One of mother nature's finest creations in all it's majestic. I never thought i would ever come back here. (Opens his Arms Wide Open) BUT HERE I AM! (Hears the Sound of his Voice Echoing Through the Forest Before Forming a Bright, Cheeky Grin on his Face)

Yuri: (Giggles Softly as She and Robert Follows Behind Marco) I can see why you like coming here. It's so nice and peaceful out here.

Robert: (Too Busy Swatting All the Bugs Away From Him) Sí. Can't say the same for these mosquitoes......They annoying little stronzi- Ack! (Suddenly Gets Knocked Down to the Muddy Ground) Ow. ('Sigh') And now my $1000.00 cargo shorts is dirt. (Places his Habd on the Side of his Cheek) Great. Any idea why we took an abrupt stop there, big guy?

Yuri: (Frowns a Bit in Worry) Yeah, Marco, what's wrong?

Marco: (Looks Around in a Suspicious Manner) Try not to panic, but.....I think we're being followed right now?

Robert: (Quickly Gets Back Up on his Feet) Followed!? By who-

Robert quickly shuts himself up as the roaring, animal sound is heard in the Sarah Forest. It didn't take long for him and Yuri to hiding behind a seemingly unfazed Marco as they see bear, wearing torn up, sleeve less gi, standing in front of them, growling with anger in his eyes.

Robert: (Shaking in Fear) W-W-W-Was that bear following us t-t-this whole time?

Yuri: M-Maybe? P-Probably?.....Indefinitely.......

The bear's growl starts getting more louder.

Yuri: (Puts on a Panic Yet Very Hopeful Smile on her Face) B-B-But it's gonna be okay! (Quickly Pulls Out her Mini Book From her Pocket and Quickly Reads Through it) According to this Camping Guide, all we have to do is keep standing here, make no sudden movements for at least 30-45 seconds, and- (Eyes Begins to Widened as She Sees Marco Running Forward) Marco, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?

Robert: GET BACK HERE!!!

Woth echoing battle cries from both sides, Marco and the bear rushes towards one another to deliver their fists directly towards their respective faces before jumping a few inches back. As they stare at each other for a few seconds later, they rush back and fiercely fight one another as if they're in a KOF ring and that their lives are on the line.

While that's happening, the couple, Robert and Yuri, watches it all play out with surprise and disbelief written all over both of their faces

Yuri: Robert.

Robert: Yes, Yuri?

Yuri: Wha.....(Extends her Arms Out at the Fight Scene in Front of her) What exactly am I even looking at right now?

Robert: This might be both us seeing things, but i think that bear just challenged Marco to a fight.(Leans Forward and Takes a Look at the Bear in Question) Wait, Is that our Kyoukgen Gi he's wearing right now-

Robert shrieks as he quickly and jumps onto Yuri's arms from a blue fireball flying by, knocking down a nearby tree with one hit, much to the heir of Garcia family's even more surprise.

Robert: ......And did he use a FREAKING KO-OU KEN just now!?

Yuri: It's not just that. (Shakingly Points Robert to What's Happening I'm Front of Them)

The Bear mimics and clashes with Marco's rising uppercut similar that to a.....

Robert: Kohou. He's doing a kohou- THAT BEAR DID A LITERAL KOHOU FIST JUST NOW!! THE FUCK!!!

Yuri: I know bears can be talented in some cases, but this is getting ridiculous!

The Bear then sends Marco flying to back to the shrieking duo with a kick to the chest.

'Thud'

Marco: (Gets Himself Back Up From the While Panting) I'll admit.....I was....not expecting this turn of events.....to happen so soon.....(Uses his Knuckle to Wipe the Blood Off From the Side of his Lips as Forms an Impressed Smirk on his Face) Not that I mind it, of course.

Robert: (Chuckles Awkwardly) Hey Marco, il mio amico vecchio amico!~ We're glad you're doing swell out there, but uh.....(Comically Glares at Marco) Who is that bear and why does he knows HALF of Kyoukgen Style techniques!?

Yuri: And why is he wearing one of our old gis!?

Marco: (Turns to the Couple Behind) I'll explain everything once this is all over. (Turbs Back to the Bear in Front of Him) In the meantime, leave this one to me! (Rushes Back Towards the Bear)

Yuri: NO! MARCO!!!

Robert: TORNA QUI, DANNAZIONE!!

Round two has just begun as the two unusual combatants rushes back and delivers every bit of attacks they can dish out to one another while parrying and countering each of them.as quickly as possible.

It didn't take long for them to punch each other in the face once more before winding their heads back and headbutt one another in the process. As they once again jumped back from each other's space, Marco pantingly watches his opponent mimics his stance and posture before getting on both of it's knees, declaring defeat.

Marco: (Chuckling While Still Panting) Still......got...it......

Marco suddenly falls down to the ground with Robert and Yuri frantically screaming out his name as his vision fades to black.

...........................................................

Marco: Where..........Where am I? Why is it so dark in here?

So you're awake, Marco Rodriguez.

Marco's eyes begins to widens as he sees a man in a dark, grayish blue gi turning away from him.

Marco: That gi......A-And the hair! Are you.......

The man turns around and reveals himself to be none of than the legendary Kyoukgen Karate Arts' master......

Marco: Mr. Karate? You're actually real!?

Mr. Karate (?): Hmph. (Walks Towards the Sitted Down Man) Whether I exist or not does not matter in the scheme of things. What DOES matter however, is the potential you seem to hold within. A potential that yet to be fully realized.

Marco: My potential?.....Fully realized?

Mr. Karate (?): Yes. (Balled his Fist Up) And I believe the test of your might and conviction will begin right. About. Now.

The long nose masked warrior begins to deliver a strong looking punch towards Marco's perspective as the young man let out a scream before coming back to reality and getting himself up from a wooden like-bed he was seemingly laying on, as one of his fellow Kyoukgen Karate Arts in training companion, Robert, quickly grabs his shoulder to help calm him down.

Robert: Hey, easy there, bud. You've just woken up.

Marco: Please I- Huh? (Turns to See Robert Sitting on One Side of the Bed) Robert? (Thens Turns and See Yuri Sitting on the Other Side) Yuri? Is that really you guys?

Yuri: (Hugs Marco Tightly With Teara Falling Down her Face) Of course it's us, you idiot!~ You had us both worried sick the moment you fought that bear! Don't ever scare like that again.....

Robert: ('Sigh in a Bit of Relief') Seriously.....I know you're Ryo's star pupil or whatever, but you're still just as much of a human as the rest of us here, you know?

Marco: (Quickly Bows his Head Down) O-Of course! I apologize for my recklessness today, it won't happen a- GAIN ACK! (Winces in Pain as He Stops Bowing and Felt a But of a Crack From the Back of his Neck)

Yuri: ('Sighs Heavily') Pleeeease take it easy on yourself before I start crying harder and bopping you in that big, dumb head of yours......

Marco: R-Right. I'm sorry.....(Looks Around the Room He's Staying in) Where are we? (It....looks somewhat familiar.....)

Robert: We brought you here in this cabin after you were unconscious.

A soft, roar is heard in the room as the trio sees the gi wearing bear begins to nervoulsy walk in the room.

Robert: And this big guy here helped us along the way.

Yuri: He felt so bad about attacking you earlier. It's kinda cute.

The Bear solemnly nodded in agreement..

Marco: (Starts Nodding Himself With his Arms Already Crossed Together) Hm. I see......(Happily Opens his Arms Up at the Bear in Question) Bobo, get over here and give your papa a hug, you big lug!~

The Bear smiles brightly as he rushes over to give Marco a big loving hug, much to the couple's shock.

Yuri: Papa?

Robert: Bobo!?

Marco: (Chuckles Lightly) Look at you! You've grown a lot since the last time I've saw you! And your performance was excellent today! I'm so proud!~

'Ahem'

The man and bear duo turn their heads to see Robert and Yuri staring at the both of them.

Robert: You mind telling us what's going on here, bud?

Yuri: (Starts Pouting at Marco) You promised you would tell us, so hop to it, mister!

Marco: (Hold his Hands Up in Front of Him in Defense) Alright, alright, I'm getting to it! (Clears his Throat Before Beginning his Explanation) Okay, so long ago when I was young and stupid like you two-

Yuri/Robert: Hey!/Oi!

Marco: I came to this forest to start my training alone 'till one night, I've stumbled upon this poor fella got himself trapped in a beartrap net when he was a little cub. Once I got him out of there and patched him up, I've started looking for his parents with little to no success. (Gently Rubs the Bear's Back) He spent his whole life scared and all alone in this forest, so I did what any parental figure would do and raised him as my own, even went as far as to teach him how to fend for himself in the Arts of Kyoukgen Karate until it was time for me to head back home. I've been thinking about him since then.....(Turbs Back to Bobo with Proud Smile on his Face) So you could imagine the pride and happiness in my eyes when I saw this boi all grown up and kicking his old man's ass at ease. (Went Back to Hugging Bobo Again) Making his Papa Rodriguez so proud today~ Yes, you did~

Yuri: (Covers her Mouth as Her Eyes Begins to Sparkle) Oh my gossssh!~ This is the most cutest thing I've ever seen yet!~

Robert: (Chuckles Lightly) You've never cease to amazed me, amico. You keep this up and you'll give your teach a run for his money on the master role in no time.

Marco: Oh no, I could never live up to Master Ryo's greatness. (Smiles Softly) But I'm glad that my teachings have made an impact on him throughout the years.

Yuri: (Shyly Twiddling her Fingers Together) Mr. Bobo, I know it's too much to ask but......(Bows to Bobo) Can I pleeeeease I have hug from you too?~

Bobo turns to Marco for his sign of approval.

Macro: (Simply Nodded to Bobo) Go ahead, boy. She won't bite.

Bobo turns back to Yuri and spread his arms wide open to her.

Yuri: (Squeals Happily as She Rushes Over Hugs the Bear Very Lovingly) Thank you so much!~ My name Yuri Sakazaki and I hope we can be the bestest of friends!~

Bobo happily hugs Yuri back, making the young woman even more happy than she has ever been.

Yuri: (Turns to Marco) We can please take him back home with us?~ Please, please, pleeeeeeeease!?~

Marco: (Shakes his Head) No can do, Yur. As well trained as he is, Bobo is a fully grown bear now. It would be too dangerous for him to step foot in the streets of Southtown. (Smiles Softly) But since we're already here, you two can have all the time in the world to get to know him, maybe teach him a thing or two on your own mix of the Kyoukgen Arts.

Yuri: (Smiles Brightly) Sure, I don't mind. I'm a bit rusty on the teaching side, but I'll still give it my best shot!~

Robert: (Smirks Confidently While Grabbing his Chin) And I'll be sure to have him look his best while he's kicking ass.

Yuri: (Turns to Robert) Robbie, how are you gonna get him to wear a suit and tie without angering him? He's a literal bear.

Robert: I'll......figure something out.....eventually.......

Marco: (Stares at Robert With a Deadpinned Look on his Face) Mmhmmm....How about you teach him your legwork attacks instead, pretty boy?

Robert: (Starts Rubbing The Back of his Head Back and Forth) Yeah, that.....sounds like a safer idea.

Marco: (Nodded Once More) Exactly. (Turns to Bobo With a Smile) You hear that, boy? You've nade yourself two new friends.

Bobo roars happily as begins to spend two to three days with the papa again after all these years

@thelexhex

@tampire

@albion-93

@helsic

@snk-universe

@keyenuta

@theweebmaster31

#king of fighters #art of fighting #marco rodriguez #yuri sakazaki #robert garcia (kof) #the bear marco fought in the intro of his stage in Garou #sparring match #man vs bear #humor #fluff #robert x yuri #camping trip #mr. karate

[whentherewerebicycles]

ok just need to do some head/heart-clearing journaling below the cut.

i’m in my sixth month in this job and nothing has really gotten better. i spent the first couple months crying after work multiple times a week, including perhaps my lowest moment where i was so overcome by existential despair i felt myself starting to cry IN A MEETING and had to make up an excuse to gather myself off camera. the last few months have been a little better (the existential despair is humming along at bearable background levels!) but i still feel out of sorts, disconnected from myself, and just... listless.

here are the biggest issues:

not enough work. this is killing me. i don’t need to be working literally every second from 9-5 and i don’t miss the teacher lifestyle of grading all weekend, but goddd I need projects you know? i need short- and long-term projects. i need things i’m working on or goals i’m working towards. and i need that work to feel purposeful. not every task has to be imbued with Deep Meaning but i need to be doing more than sitting in a teams call watching my lead copy and paste text from an email onto a powerpoint for 45 minutes. i had that one big project that i got to project manage and collaborate with another team on and i REALLY enjoyed that even though i didn’t care at all about the content. i guess what i enjoyed was just like, that feeling of breaking a complex task up into smaller chunks and then make meaningful decisions about how to tackle different parts of it. and i really liked the team i was working with too and felt like i did a really good job building a positive working relationship with them & running some interference for them at a moment where our boss was really stressing them out. all of that was good! but that project is over now and my lead has been blocking me from taking on other projects like that for reasons unclear (i mean i have my theories but).

work is too solitary. i need like a 40% solitary 60% social balance in my work life. instead it’s like 90% solitary 10% social and most of my social contact is with a person who doesn’t listen to my ideas and at times is actively undermining me or taking credit for my work in front of others.

the way this organization thinks about learning is so, so flawed and so ineffective but my lead simply does not want to hear it and shuts down every effort i make to try to incorporate or introduce evidence-based methods into our work. everyone is really set on doing things the way they’ve always done them, largely i think because they have no real conception of how else things could look/feel/function or why that might be more effective. we’re supposed to be learning experts but the person right above me is so committed to managing our boss’s feelings that she never actually provides expertise.

i’m not gonna rehearse my litany of grievances against the person who manages my day to day work here but let’s just say i am at my breaking point!!!! it is so exhausting to be under the thumb of someone who needs total control over everything i do and who seems to be so insecure about their own role/expertise/whatever that they have to actively block me from taking on new projects or pursuing professional development opportunities or communicating with anyone else in the office or speaking in meetings. like literally i can’t speak in meetings because they will tell me to ‘let them handle it’ & won’t let me get a word in edgewise & then if i do speak they’ll interrupt or speak over me to clarify what i ‘really’ meant. also this person wronged me last week lol and i’m going to be a grownup about it but i am certainly not going to forget that it happened.

there are no signs of improvement on the horizon & no route to getting out from under from this person’s supervision. honestly this job would be Fine if this person would get out of my way and let me do my job. but they will not and the more i try to make this job useful/purposeful to myself the more they perceive me as a threat who must be neutralized, even if nothing i am doing is challenging their position at all. i think i have one nuclear option (lol) which is going to my contractor boss and saying that i’d like them to consider assigning me to a completely different office, like essentially creating the same position for me in a place where there currently isn’t an L&D team... and that could work because i think there’s need for that, but the person who currently supervises me would interpret this as a declaration of all-out war and if it didn’t pan out i would really fuck up my own working life there. so i am loath to try that unless things get a lot worse or until i have some other potential job prospects on the horizon.

here’s what’s “good” about the job: the money is stupid, there’s no commute, i can do the work with 95% of my brain tied behind my back, and my schedule is stupidly flexible.

people keep telling me that when i have a tiny shrieking infant living in my house i will wish i had a job that paid stupid money and required absolutely nothing from me. and i am sure that they are right in some ways! having an easy pointless well-compensated job would certainly relieve many financial and mental stressors! but also, as i’ve been thinking about the ways in which my life is likely to change, i also feel like... hmm. how to articulate this. my sense is that becoming a parent for the first time is a pretty intense crisis of the self moment, where the self you were and the life that self lived at least partially dissolve or are exploded or whatever and you find yourself in a new life structured by radically different routines and obligations and emotions. i know you can’t really prepare for that but maybe you can at least sort of start to mentally prepare the groundwork for: i’m not going to feel like my old self for a while, maybe for a very long time, and that’s going to be both exciting and profoundly destabilizing, in the way that huge life transformations or upheavals always are.

the problem is, i’ve already spent the past six months feeling disconnected from my sense of self, listless, unsure of my purpose, cognitively dulled, etc etc. i feel like i’ve tried to fill the void of meaning in my life with small, self-focused, kinda myopic activities that are “nice” and enjoyable but do not make me feel connected to any kind of purpose or meaning that transcends the self and its petty little concerns. i’ve obsessively focused on decorating my house. i’ve focused on food and cooking. i’ve focused on exercise and my weight and on buying a new wardrobe. like, don’t get me wrong, it’s really good for me to get enough exercise and learn how to cook good, nutritious food and create a home space that i love living in. but those activities, for me, are best when they’re kind of at the margins of my “real” life, a life of intellectual and interpersonal and professional purpose. it’s nice to cook a nice meal, but it’s much, much better (to me!) to spend the day absorbed in a big planning project or doing work with students and then come home and make a nice meal. i guess the simple way of putting it is: i’ve been nourishing my senses and that’s good, that’s important, but i gotta be nourishing my spirit too. i believe in the soul, you know? and i believe in the soul-expanding power of really meaningful work, really meaningful relationships. the power of a life that’s well & usefully & purposefully lived. and right now i just feel... idk. i feel cramped, listless, self-absorbed in my soul. and that feels so bad to me. that hurts me. it’s like this dull ache inside of me all the time that i try to soothe by buying more things or painting another wall or whatever.

and i guess like... i don’t want to bring new life into the world when i’m feeling like that. i don’t want to move directly from a period of feeling totally adrift and lost and disconnected from myself into a period of my life where i will maybe feel overwhelmed and terrified by new responsibility and adrift in a new way. i don’t want to have to do the work of rebuilding my sense of self twice over, you know? idk i’m not articulating this well i need to think about it a bit more i think. but i guess too like... i don’t want to raise a kid doing a job that kills my soul. i want to have a part of myself that feels like a writer or a thinker or a teacher, even if i am also a parent and have to find ways to integrate those different facets of myself. i want to be a parent very badly but i want to find a way to parent that feelis aligned with my values and ultimately, in the long run, makes me feel more like myself, even if that self undergoes many transformations in the process. IDK can’t untangle my own feelings here, not sure i am really managing to articulate what’s in my head/heart, but like.. i guess...

i don’t feel like me right now

i may be about to experience a crisis of the self (parenthood) that may make me feel very alien to myself in some ways 

i would like to embark on that journey of self-dissolution / self re-formation from a place of feeling really solid in myself, rather than from a place of feeling extremely adrift, unmoored, at sea. i want to feel like there’s a solid place .. not to return to exactly, but to find again or find in another way on the other side of the sleeplessness and the terror of being responsible for a small person and so on.

i also just want my kid to see me as someone who loves their work. not “work” in the capitalist sense but work in the life’s work sense. i think it is so deeply human, maybe the most deeply human thing of all, to crave purpose and to seek out purposeful work that makes us feel more like ourselves and more connected to the people around us. maybe not everyone feels that way! but i do! that’s an important thing to me! and i think it’s worth starting to take some big life re-evaluation steps now to bring myself closer to that way of living.

#blah blah blah #personal #mw

[justsomerandomfanfic]

100 Prompts List

Random Dialogue Prompts For Requests:

Requests are open

🥰 = Fluff 😢 = Angst 🤕 = Hurt/Comfort 😜 = Random

______________

1. “But this is the only thing that’s made the last three years bearable.” 🤕

2. “What do you mean, he’s escaped?” 😜

3. “So, you’ve been living in denial all these years?” 😢

4. “I miss moments like this more than anything.” 😢

5. “Go and live with her then! See if I care!” 😢

6. “Quick! Go hide behind the sofa!” 😜

7. “You must be mad to show up here.” 😢

8. “No! I am tired of doing what you say!” 😢

9. “Darling, it’s beautiful, thank you!” 🥰

10. “What a thing to say – and on my birthday of all days!” 😢

11. “Could you be happy here with me?”🤕

12. “You’ve only heard his point of view. You never asked mine.” 😢

13. “You’ve taken her back!? Are you serious!?” 😢

14. “For some reason, I’m attracted to you.” 🥰

15. “I’ve been checking you out all night.” 🥰

16. “We can’t invite them over. Mother hates them.” 😜

17. “Give me one good reason why I should wear a dress.” 😜

18. “I don’t think I could live alone again.” 😢

19. “You were supposed to be watching him!” 😢

20. “You did a bad thing for a good reason.”

21. “What aren’t you telling me?” 🤕

22. “Don’t go. Please.” 🤕

23. “Did I mention this is life or death?” 😜

24. “Where is your sense of adventure?” 😜

25. “Why are you looking at me like that?” 🥰

26. “I feel safe with you.” 🥰

27. “Wait. Did you hear that… There’s something in the walls.” 😜

28. “It’s nothing. It’s just a bruise.” 🤕

29. “You were talking in your sleep.” 🤕

30. “See? I’m not just a pretty face.” 😢

31. “You don’t have to walk me home.” 🥰

32. “I’ve got you back, okay?” 🥰

33. “You’re not human, are you?” 😜

34. “Jealous!? I am not jealous!” 😢

35. “Stop trying to hide your emotions from me.” 🤕

36. “You’re kind of a mystery to me.” 🥰

37. “Have you always been this hot?” 🥰

38. “Kiss me… Kiss me as if it were our last.” 🥰

39. “Have a drink with me. Promise I’m not a creep.” 😜

40. “This is… Literally illegal. You’re describing something illegal.” 😜

41. “Surprised to run into you here… And of all places, my mother’s funeral.” 😢

42. “Can we put aside our differences for a second?” 😢

43. “Let’s go somewhere. Just you and I.” 🥰

44. “Everything is always about you.” 😢

45. “I don’t always need you to fix everything. I just need you to listen.” 😢

46. “Do you remember when we first met?” 🥰

47. “Let me do this, for you.” 🤕

48. You see this!? This is real life!“ 😢

49. “Why are you laughing? This is a very serious situation.” 😜

50. “Why do you hate me?” 😢

51. “We never should’ve kissed - that was our first mistake.” 🤕

52. “Don’t you see? I did this all for you!” 😢

53. “Why should I trust you?” 😢

54. “Can you look at me, please?” 🤕

55. “Why can’t we just get along?” 🤕

56. “Snap out of it!” 😢

57. “Are you kidding me!? We’re not ‘fine!’” 😢

58. “Physically, yes, I could fight a bird. But, emotionally? Imagine the toll.” 😜

59. “So, apparently, the ‘bad vibes’ I’ve been feeling are actually severe psychological stress.” 😜

61. “With great power comes great need to take a nap. So don’t wake me up.” 😜

62. “You seem familiar. Have I threatened you before?” 😜

63. “She doesn’t understand you like I do.” 😢

64. “Please! Stop it! All of you!” 😢

65. “If you leave me now, you lose everything.” 😢

66. “It’s not every day I fall for a pretty person like you.” 🥰

67. “How long have you been there?” 🤕

68. “Well? What happened? Tell me all the details!” 😜

69. “Don’t die on me!” 😢

70. “I’m in love. And I’m scared.” 😢

71. “I always keep my promises.” 🥰

72. “Let me go.” 😢

73. “Are you serious? You’re bleeding out!” “So? I’m hungry.” 😜

74. “Will you get off me, my whole body’s numb.” “No, I’m very comfortable.” 😜

75. “You are single-handedly the reason I have anxiety.” 😜

76. “Stop being so dramatic.” 😜

77. “I can almost hear you pouting.” 😜

78. “I watched you walk into the room and my heart went ‘Boom!’” 🥰

79. “Home is wherever you are with me.” 🥰

80. “No, I don’t hate you.” 🤕

81. “I dare you.” 😜

82. “Let it go! Let it go! Can’t hold it back anymore!” “Oh, god, not again.” 😜

83. “Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?” “It’s a gun.” “Oh sh-” 😜

84. “Just because you wear black, doesn’t mean that you’re the reincarnation of Wednesday Addams.” “Imma gonna ignore you while I dance dance dance with my hands hands hands.” 😜

85. “Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?” “I want a divorce.” 😜

86. “I love you.” “I love me too.” 😜

87. “Wanna dance to the Kahoot Theme song while we wait for our pizza?” “Sure.” 😜

88. “Hydrate or diedrate.” 😜

89. “It’s a beautiful night, and we’re looking for something fun to do! Hey, baby! I think I wanna marry you.” “No.” 😜

90. “Why is your ID picture a pumpkin?” “Because you can cut me open, take out my guts, and put me out on your porch for three months.” “Uh… Huh?” 😜

91. “Why did you just lick my ice cream?” “Uh, cause I was hungry?” “I don’t even know you.” 😜

92. “Wanna play hide-and-seek?” “What are you? Five?” “… Yes.” 😜

93. “Want me to shower you in love and affection?” “The only shower I want is one with nice hot water, and you are one-hundred feet away from me.” 😜

94. “We’re just friends.” “But that can change, right?” 😜

95. “Now that’s a booty.” “Stop looking in the mirror, you weirdo.” 😜

96. “Uh, why do you have a room full of dolls?” “They’re not dolls. They’re my family.” 😜

97. “I’m not doing it. You keep killing me.” “Well, it’s not my fault you suck at Minecraft.” 😜

98. “I think I need therapy.” “Why go to therapy when you can have friendapy!” “That’s it! I’m moving out!” 😜

99. “I can’t find my glasses.” “Good. They made you look like a nerd.” 😜

100. “Do you think there’s another dimension or alternate reality where we are fictional characters and someone out there is reading about us being their one true love?” “Ah, no.” “Yeah, me neither.” 😜

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