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bowievanfleet · 2 years

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little wing / jake kiszka- day 1- sunday

playlist!!! (will be updated w each chapter)

pairing- jake kiszka x musician!reader, oc x sammy, oc x oc

warnings- none for this chapter :)

wc- 2.2k

a/n- this is basically kind of a prologue :)) the real plot will start to happen during the weekdays. i strongly strongly recommend listening to each song that pops up in the fic especially because this whole thing is really centered around music dkjhfkdjhfk. i wanted to make a fic that was very close to me and my relationship with music and i hope you guys enjoy it as well.

also!!! this is heavily inspired by a fic called "new tune" (i can't find or remember the author). the events in the actual story are different but i took a lot of inspiration from that fic :)

ANYWAYS enough of me fucking rambling heres the chapter!!!!

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desert.

it was the only thing you could see for miles ahead of you, and it's the only thing you wanted to see for the next 7 days.

you scanned the landscape, studying the beautiful cactuses and bushes that littered the sandy ground. you walked over to a nearby cactus, carefully ripping one of the blooms off of it and sticking it behind your ear. you turned around to your bandmates, grinning stupidly at yourself.

“flower!” you exclaimed, pointing at the pink bloom in your hair. they all rolled their eyes playfully at your childlike giddiness, following one by one off of the tour bus.

selene was first, the incredible bassist. she was your rock, your ride or die, your “if you’ll do it, i’ll do it.”

you had dated once in high school before you decided that if you were going to start a band, it might not be the best idea to be in a long term relationship. the music industry didn’t need another fleetwood mac situation. the bond never lessened though, so you two are as close as you can be without actually being in a relationship.

then ollie and ezra, which you say as a unit because they basically are.

the band's keyboardist and drummer respectively, ollie and ezra have been in a relationship for 5 years going strong and they’re the glue that essentially keeps the band together. everybody always looks at them and swoons, and you can't blame them.

they were the epitome of what a healthy relationship is and oftentimes you found yourself slightly jealous of what the two had. nevertheless, they were basically the fathers of the group, making sure you and seline don’t get into anything stupid while still making sure a good time is had. your heart held so much love for them.

and then you, lead guitar and vocals. you can’t really say anything interesting about yourself like the other band members, except, you love music. all music.

you love jimi hendrix and janis joplin, the beatles and queen, abba, pink floyd, and zeppelin.

you love nirvana and alice in chains, foo fighters (which you were optimally excited to see at the festival this week), red hot chili peppers and everything in between.

you love folk, van morrison and john denver, jeff buckley, and simon and garfunkel.

you love music. that’s the only reason why you're here. it is your sole purpose for living. it’s the foundation for everything in your life, so obviously, you started a band.

it always seemed like the only option. ever since you were 10, you knew it was what you were going to do and you didn’t even think about pursuing another profession. this is what you were made to do, and so here you are, in the middle of the utah desert, doing it.

the band stretched out all their limbs, and immediately seline set up her bluetooth speaker to get some vibes going.

you almost floated away into the sky when you heard the opening chords to ‘mary jane’s last dance.’ it was just one of those times where the perfect song for the perfect moment shows up. it perfectly embodied the feelings that were running through you.

you immediately took selene’s hand and closed your eyes, starting to sway along to tom petty’s raspy voice. she took your hands too, equally as content with the moment.

ollie and ezra smiled fondly at you two, holding each other’s hand and watching in complete and utter happiness. it was all around you.

as you swayed along and danced with seline, you thought,

if it’s going to be like this for the rest of the week, i never want to leave.

a few hours later, the sun had started to dim under the horizon.

everyone had gotten settled and you had set up a big woven blanket on the sandy ground between your bus and some other band’s.

you perched cross legged on the blanket, your right arm draped over your acoustic.

this was one of your favorite things to do with the band. you would all sit around in a circle and sing along to your guitar, someone throwing out a request after each song ended until everyone eventually got too tired to speak and you would dwindle down to a random picking pattern. you felt like a big group of hippies, but you couldn’t ask for anything better.

“alright folks,” you said, “give me one to start us off.”

“i wanna hear going to california.” ollie immediately blurted, adding, “i wanna hear just you sing it.” you rolled your eyes at his last request but obliged anyway, starting to pick the opening guitar pattern in a slightly higher key to suit your voice.

spend my days with a woman unkind

smoked my stuff and drank

all my wine

everyone started swaying along to your voice, seline smiling fondly at you while ollie and ezra rested their heads against each other's shoulders.

love you thought. this is what love feels like.

made up my mind

to make a new start

going to california

with an aching

in my heart

you thought back to the time you ran away from home with seline to go to california, the both of you so passionate about your dreams that you couldn’t be rooted to that town anymore.

you basically played this song on repeat then. it was there for you. whenever you got rejected by labels, or struggled to find gigs or just people that would listen. it was there. and it was there when you finally met the boys, just what you needed.

someone told me there’s a girl out there

with love in her eyes

and flowers

in her hair

you smiled contentedly as you entered the interlude, moving your fingers and plucking the strings as if it were second nature. the only thing that was running through your head was how grateful you were to be here. as the interlude came to an end you started to sing the next verse,

took my chances on a big jet plane

never let ‘em tell ya that they’re all the same

except you weren’t the only one singing.

usually this wouldn’t be too uncommon, but you’d never heard this voice before.

it was low and dark and smooth, harmonizing with you as your voice raised with the verse.

you whipped around and faltered on your guitar for half a second before regaining your rhythm, and staring surprisingly up at the man in front of you.

he had long brown hair, coming down to just past his shoulders. he wore a button up shirt with only the bottom two buttons actually fastened, with an old-looking silver necklace hanging down his tan chest. he had light wash ripped jeans, and a pair of chelsea boots pressing into the sand.

he gingerly took a seat across from you next to selene, giving you an encouraging look as if to say, keep going.

oh, the sea was red and the sky was gray

i wonder how tomorrow

could ever follow today

your voices blended together like no other person you’d ever sung with, almost like mixing together in a big melting pot of harmonies.

his low and raspy tone somehow going together perfectly with your rich and full vocals. it was corny as hell, but, it was almost like a match made in heaven.

the mountains and the canyons start to tremble and shake

children of the sun begin

to wake

as the key darkened to a minor chord, he let you have the next verse to yourself, a verse you always loved belting out.

seems like the wrath of the gods got a punch on the nose and it’s starting to flow,

i think i might be sinking

throw me a line if i reach it in time

i’ll meet you up there,

where the path runs straight and high

you smiled as you returned back to the light acoustic pattern like before, looking at the man to let him know it was his turn, and he obliged. the lyrics hit you in the chest as he sang with such earnestness and passion.

to find a queen without a king

they say she plays guitar and cries and sings

he sang this with a cheeky smile, looking directly at you.

ride a white mare in the footsteps of dawn

tryin’ to find a woman who’s never, never, never been born.

you led into another short interlude, then you slowed down significantly and got a little quieter as you both sang the last verse.

standin’ on a hill in the mountain of dreams

tellin’ myself it’s not as hard, hard, hard as it seems.

you slowed down your picking and played the rhythm one last time as you looked at him.

he seemed mesmerized by how you played, his eyes almost glazed over in a fascination you couldn’t quite place.

you ended with one last strum of the strings, everyone taking in the last of the chords ringing in the warm air.

you broke the silence by chuckling shyly, “that was really good.” you complimented the stranger. “good? you were amazing!” he exclaimed, and you took mental note of how his speaking voice sounded almost even better than his singing voice. you blushed and laughed, not very good at taking compliments. “thanks” you said with a shy smile.

“anyways, do you have a name? i don’t think i’ve ever sang with a stranger before” you added.

he scooted a bit closer to you and held his hand out. “jake.” he said, “jake kiszka.” you smiled at him, before taking his hand, gently shaking it. “y/n” you said, letting go of his hand gently and setting your guitar to the side.

“what band are you in?” ezra inquired, squinting his eyes like he’d seen him before.

“oh, i'm the guitarist for greta van fleet,” he said proudly. now it made sense why he was fascinated with your playing, a fellow guitar player.

ezra gasped in realization, “that's it! that's where i know you from! i’ve listened to some of your songs man, your brother has a gnarly voice.” ezra said, jake nodding in appreciation. “thanks dude. we love doing festivals like this, very therapeutic for all of us” he explained “us too,” selene said with a smile.

you could tell she was getting a good vibe from him, which was pretty good considering seline only truly likes about a handful of people.

“uh, what band are you guys?” jake said curiously. “velvet eyes,” the four of you said in unison, snorting a laugh when you realized. you were all so used to saying it together that it just happened naturally now.

jake’s eyes lit up in recognition. “oh yeah! you're the guys who have that badass stage presence. we really like the way you guys do things up there. i don’t know why i didn’t recognize you!” jake said excitedly. it warmed your heart to know that another band admired what you guys were doing.

“awe, thank you,” you said. “the stage is where we were all meant to be. we really just let loose out there.” you explained with a passionate smile. “i think it’s extraordinary.” jake said, his eyes locking onto yours with a softness you had never been shown before. it almost overwhelmed you, so you looked away.

“oh!” ollie exclaimed suddenly, “since you're a guitarist, maybe you can settle this debate for us.” he said, you immediately let out a groan because you knew exactly what he was talking about: the never-ending stevie ray vaughn vs. jimmy page debate. you were firmly on the jimmy side, having been mesmerized by him since you were little. ollie however, was a stevie ray vaughn fanatic and he would not let it go.

“i may be a little biased but i’m definitely gonna have to go with jimmy.” jake said.

“YES!!” you almost jumped up in the air, finally having someone to take your side.

jake laughed at your excitement while ollie tried desperately to prove his point to the 4 of us.

the next three hours were filled with drinking and talking and music debates, everyone introducing themselves and telling each other things about them that no one else knew. it was a little bubble of trust and safety, safe from the chaos of the world.

throughout the night, you felt yourself drift closer to jake until eventually you gave in to the buzz of the alcohol and rested your head between his crossed legs. no one even questioned it or stopped to address it.

it was like this was how it was meant to be, with everyone gathered around, your head in jake’s lap while his fingers braided your hair and drew patterns on your head. it felt like this is how it always had been.

you found it so hard to think about how you had only met this man a few hours ago.

no. you thought. i’ve known him my whole life.

eventually everyone decided it was time to turn in for the night, jake stating he had to get back to his bus. everyone went inside one by one except for you and jake.

you exchanged phone numbers and instagrams, smiling giddily and looking into each other’s eyes a little longer than necessary.

eventually, he finally turned on his heel with a quiet “goodnight” and walked away, as you watched the back of his shirt fade into the night.

you laid in your bunk that night, restless. the only thing that kept running through your mind was a single name.

jake.

taglist-

@dakotadovato @doodle417 @its-a-metaphor-barnes @weightofdreams-gvf

#greta van fleet fanfic #gvf fanfiction #gvf fanfic #jake kiszka x reader #jake kiszka #jake gvf #greta van fleet #gvf #peaceful army #gvf headcannons #jake kiszka fanfic #jake kiszka fic #gvf imagine

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crazy56u · 1 year

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Currently batting two for two in the “Have to watch the new episode after the fact due to work” category, yay for me!

We open in on a pregnant woman in a parking lot.

Ben legitimately almost had a panic attack when face with having to deliver a baby.

The quickest, cleanest baby delivery.

Now if only the rest of the Leap was this easy.

And Addison decided to just rip the bandaid off and say the episode’s title.

If only Ben leap into the grunge scene instead of the ER scene…

I don’t know how to feel about the asshole she’s talking to being a Stephen…

Dr. Turk. …so, basically, this is Scrubs.

“Why are you here past your shift?” “I delivered a baby! :D” “Yeah, get off the high horse, pal…”

“You can’t save everyone.” That moment they telegraph the moral three minutes in.

And as Ben learns he has to save multiple lives, the sound department decides to crank the knockoff Creed!

Nurse Carolina, not to be confused with Nurse Nebraska.

Thank god for that white coat, otherwise Ben would be looking shifty right now.

Annnnnd they ain’t in the system yet, so in about 10… 9… 8…

“Code trauma.” Ding!

What if those two ambulances did a head-on collision just then?

Okay, so question: Why didn’t they have Ben leap in to stop the train crash?

“If they can walk, they can wait. If they are currently standing, fuck ‘em!”

Ben was about to black out then and there.

“Ziggy says there’s a 100% chance all three were on that train!” Tell Ziggy “No shit.” for me.

Okay, not for nothing, but if they said she had shrapnel in her fucking heart, I don’t have high hopes for her…

Watch as Nurse Carolina decides to brush off the fact that the resident, from her perspective, predicted three of the train victims prior to them arriving.

…is Dr. Harper’s first name “Stephen”, by chance?

In the 90s, hospitals were just playgrounds for mad science experiments, I guess…

Ah, so this hospital sucks, glad to know!

Addison, so what if they “didn’t know” Respiratrex was dangerous. People didn’t know Thalidomide was dangerous in the 50s, and look what happened there!

50/50 odds on her survival, glad to know God’s about to flip a coin in this bitch.

Ben’s logic: “Fuck it, I’m a better doctor than Harper, and I’m a time traveler, fuck his paper!”

“If Dr. Harper finds out you changed his script, he’ll Nike your career!” “Dr. Turk, you won’t understand this saying for a couple decades, but ‘YOLO’.”

[Okay, legit, Peacock crashed after I did that.]

…I think she forgot the actual line, and just ad-libbed that “Bold”…

Meanwhile, in 2023, everything is somehow worse!

I still stick to my theory that they locked Janis in a broom closet last week, her being in the interrogation room changes nothing.

I love how Magic is just playing the Sam card right out of the gate, he is done with her shit.

Okay, I half expected Janis to immediately make a break for it once the cuffs came off.

“I wanna talk to Ben, and I don’t care if he’s currently doing hospital resident train crash victim shit.”

“Hey, you, I have a working memory, did you predict there was a train crash?”

It is in my strongest belief that the second Carolina learns of the third victim, she is going to punch Ben in the arm.

Okay, cool, so the episode’s depressing depressing, got it.

Being told you have a concussion is the shittiest way to learn you have a tumor, goddamn…

And Eli just wants to die, okay, what a fun episode to enjoy immediately after a long night of work, yay me…

Oh! Goody! He’s Sandra’s dad!

It feels weird having barely missed the pager era…

“Okay, look, I’ll keep your tumor a secret, you fucking stay put.”

[I just paused. Why are they not showing the right half of Louis’s head?]

[OH FUCK]

“Hey, audience? Tell me? Do I got something on my face?”

Ben must engage in casual chit chat, or Louis will fucking die.

Ben, this is the worst time to forget you are supposed to be a woman…

Okay, cool, one out of three so far…

And so Janis and Jenn get crunk.

About fucking time we remember the cowboy existed…

Again, why didn’t we have Ben try and stop the crash?

Why does it look like Ben is trying to invent Wikipedia?

“Got a patient with a brain tumor?” “Yep, and it ain’t your dad, so don’t worry a thing about it.”

“Man, I sure do have a patient with a break tumor, so, hey, on an unrelated note, wanna talk about your dad?”

So, in other words, Eli is the Saul Goodman of Quantum Leap.

MORAL OF THE STORY: If you suck at being a dad, you will create doctors.

Okay, in another life time, Ben is the guy who does the quick side effect reading during medicine commercials.

“Look, I know this drug has bad side effects, but the FDA helped me pay off my car, so I say you’re wrong.”

“Look, I know I can’t prove how I know she has an undiagnosed medical condition, but fuck off.”

I love how Dr. Harper thinks he’s the hero in this story.

Okay, at this point, I hope Dr. Harper slips on a banana peel and falls on his ass.

And there’s the rub: In order to stop the use of a shit drug, a daughter must make amends with her dying father.

“Look, I know I said I’d stay, but fuck it, I’m out.” “Eli, if you leave, the FDA will win!”

I really want to see the “Better Call Saul”-style spin off involving Eli…

“Maybe this cancer is the way the universe wants my story to end.” “Look, I already changed one script today, don’t you worry…”

[Okay, I was joking earlier, Ben legitimately practically told Eli “if you leave, the FDA will win”…]

…and now we have a character being declared brain dead… … …okay, I know that coincidences exist, and I am reading too much into this, but how in the fuck is this the second Quantum Leap story this month I have experienced involving this shit?

Man, Ben, this week just sucks for you…

BOY DO I LOVE HOW LIGHT HEARTED THIS EPISODE IS BEING RIGHT NOW, BOY OH BOY

“Hey, good news, the depressing scene is over!”

Episode, why are you insistent in turning the screws on Ben right now?

Okay, it’s defibrillating time.

Why am I now hearing “How To Save A Life” in the back of my head?

And speaking of depressions going back to baseline!

“Hey, are you psychic, tell me now!” “So, about your dad’s tumor-”

“So, what do you think?” “Man, Jenn, I dunno, this episode’s fucking depressing…” “Magic, I was talking about Janis.”

Is the endgame of Janis’s plot arc just hiring her onto Quantum Leap?

Wait, was Ian even in the episode yet?

Also, calling it now, the dead wife’s gonna be the heart donor.

“FUCK these papers!”

CALLED IT

I choose to believe that this is Ben himself admitting he should’ve been allowed to prevent the train crash.

Now watch as Dr. Harper tries to fuck up the heart transplant…

CALLED IT.

Is Ben about to fist fight Dr. Harper, please god say he is…

“Look, I’m still processing my dad has a tumor-” “TOO BAD, DR. HARPER IS ABOUT TO KILL KIMBERLY”

“FUCK THESE CROWDED HALLWAYS!”

WHAT THE FUCK, BEN?! “Look, if you don’t hear us out about the murder drug, THE IV BAG GETS IT!”

Just fucking saying, Sam Beckett never fucking held a person’s life hostage in order to save the day, so that’s how you know Ben has bigger stones.

Ben got so pissed off with the sexism, he forgot the plot.

“Look, if she had that stupid disease, we’d know by now!” “(practically slaps him in the face with the chart) Bet.”

“…okay, fine, fuck it, use the other drug, I give. Now, just let the IV Bag go.”

Honestly, Ben should’ve been allowed to keep the scalpel, he earned it.

What if Eli already left?

I love how Ben didn’t leap yet, so now he’s chilling in an ambulance.

“What if all of this was for nothing, and I let you down?” Ben, the show got renewed, you’re fine.

Also, calling it now, the situation with Addison is revealed in the season finale.

“Stop being afraid.” “Oh, okay. (leaps)”

“Okay, look, I just got done with helping Ben stop the FDA, so this better be good.”

“Look, I ain’t happy with this situation either, Addison, but that doesn’t mean I have to put up with this shit.”

“Tell Ben to shut up, or the Secret Leapers will get us all. Yes, I know this sounds like conspiracy theory bullshit, but I am being legit.”

And now Ben is in the elevator from Speed, I already saw the promo, I know the punchline.

…is Ben in fucking Chernobyl?

So, just to reiterate: Ben defeated the FDA by holding an IV bag hostage, and Janis is a borderline conspiracy theorist.

It is a legitimate crime we have to wait three weeks for the next episode…

#paging dr. song #spoilers #quantum leap #scrubs #ashekirk #by a thread #speed

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khaleesiofalicante · 2 years

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OMGGG SO I KINDA STARTED FOLLOWING THIS STORY LATE BUT I’M LITERALLY SO HOOKED!! LIKE DESPERATELY WAITING ON THE POSTING DATE 🙈 WANTED YOU SEND YOU ALL THE HUGS AND WISHES 🍀🍀

(Also I think you mentioned this earlier that you’re desi? I’m so sorry if I got that wrong. But there’s this Bollywood movie called Jaane tu ya jaane na and literally the entire time I was reading Max and David’s airport scene, I was thinking of the airport scene from that movie with a huge smile on my face lolll)

Also max being the one in corridor when Alec was crying at Jace’s retirement party. Why don’t you just go ahead and rip my heart out🥺😭

And David ofc being David ✨

Also, Omgg the hospital scene. I’m literally on edge of my seat every time they go out. Alec driving himself which is not good for security reasons, Janie driving fast with max, max and Rafael driving fast to the airport and Alec being like “be careful”. AHHHH LITERALLY SO NERVOUS

I’m so sorry for the incoherent thoughts but just wanted to say that loll😬

Omg thank you so much. Welcome to the tlnd family.

Yes. I'm desi! I'm from Sri Lanka :)

I've actually watched Jaane Tu! I don't remember the movie much (it was so long ago) but I remember there is a scene with a horse?? does he ride a horse to the airport or something????? max should have done that.

PS - Khabi Khabi Aditi is part of the TLND playlist :)

Me watching y'alls theories about the hospital scene:

#tlnd

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autumnleaves1991-blog · 3 years

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Day 30: Her Couch - Llewyn Davis

Pairing: Llewyn Davis x Wife OC

A/N: This is it...the last one of the November Writing Challenge. Thank you to everyone who has supported me on this insane journey. Thirty stories, thirty days. Thank you so much for reblogging, commenting, and liking. I have read all of them and really appreciate it.

Rating: 18 + for language

Taglist: @oldstuffnewstuff @yespolkadotkitty @heythere-mel

The leather was worn and cracked in several places from years of use. The cushions were lumpy and uncomfortable. Even with the two added blankets the chill from the leather sunk deep into his bones and made him shiver. Llewyn opens his eyes and stares at the ceiling of the apartment. Sighing deeply he rubs a hand over his face, his head feeling like it was going to split in two.

The slamming of the cabinets in the small kitchen have him groaning. Feeling like a troll is stopping on his brain with every slam. She’s still pissed he thinks to himself before pulling him up to a sitting position. He looks over into the kitchen and sees her rummaging through the cabinets and fridge. Making as much noise as possible...he deserves it...thinking back on what little he remembers from the night before.

He remembered coming home and picking her up to go out to the Gaslight. He remembered the first drink and then he lost track of how many more times he filled his cup. He recalls a woman singing and him shouting...his arm aches as he remembers her nails digging into his arm begging him to be quiet. The rest is a blur except the part where she kicked him out of their bed and banished him to her couch. Not even their couch, her couch.

“Good Morning,” he groans as she comes over and slams a cup of coffee on the table in front of him, he reaches for her wrist to stop her but she pushes him off ignoring him, “Fuck,” he sighs getting up to follow her.

He hears the shower turn on and lays his head against the door knocking. “Baby, please. Can we talk about this?” he knows he sounds desperate...and that’s because he is.

“Fuck off,” she shouts and gets into the shower.

He bangs his already throbbing head against the door before he walks back to the couch and falls down upon it. Running his hands through his unruly black curls. He listens as she turns off the water and slams the door to their bedroom getting dressed. He looks up upon hearing the door open and watches her come to sit across from him pulling her brown knee high boots on.

“I’m sorry,” he begs crawling across the floor and kneeling before her. She doesn’t even look at him working on lacing up the boots.

“I’m pissed Llewyn,” she huffs, causing her bangs to shoot up, “you acted like you used to last night. Getting drunk and shouting at that poor woman, what the fuck was that?!”

Her green eyes meet his brown and he can’t look away. The sea of anger and disappointment raging in her eyes. “Baby...I...I don’t have an excuse...you know I haven’t drank like that in years not since the last time I got the shit beat out of me.”

She lets out a humorless laugh, “Yeah and if I recall you also were heckling some poor woman then too but her husband kicked your ass the next night. Is that what I need to do Llewyn? Kick your ass so maybe you won’t end up one?”

She pushes herself off the chair, ignoring him as he reaches for her. “Baby…” he gets up and follows, “Please...I...I won’t do that shit again…”

She scoffs, “But you know what Llewyn I don’t know if I can even believe you. I begged you to stop drinking last night and you didn't. In fact I think you drank more just to spite me!”

“Baby please listen to me,” he shouts but she continues to ignore him walking over to the door and grabbing her keys.

“You want to know what the worst part is? I thought you had actually changed! This was our one night out without the kids and you had to go and fuck it up! Damn it I am sick and tired of you Llewyn! I’m going to go pick up the kids from the Gorfeins and take them to my parents house,” she shouts, opening the door and slamming it behind him.

He stands in shock for a moment before he is ripping the door open and screaming down the stairs after her taking them two at a time. “BABY! NO! PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME! DON’T TAKE AWAY OUR BABIES!” he frantically searches for her but she’s...gone.

The sidewalk is empty of all signs of life. Not a single person or car as far as he can see. He pants the cold air puffing in front of him. He collapses to his knees and screams into the nothing. His heart collapsing at losing everything in his life, tears streaming down his face.

“Llewyn!”

He swears he can hear her and he looks around for her desperately searching. “Baby…” he whispers broken his voice hoarse, “Baby come back...please”

“Llewyn! WAKE UP!”

His body shoots straight up in the bed, his heart slamming against his chest, his breath coming out in gasps. He can feel the clench of panic seize around his heart suffocating him and he struggles to breath.

“Llewyn! Honey you need to calm down, you were having a nightmare! It was just a dream!” she rubs his back frantically cradling him against her chest. He takes deep gulping breaths inhaling her light floral perfume and the sweet scent of oranges that always clings to her skin. She hums the opening to Queen Jane and he can feel his heart return to a normal beat keeping in time with her own. He slumps against her exhausted, holding tight to her. The dream felt so real...he almost lost them...his wife...the kids...his family.

“Daddy!” a little girl with black curls wearing a purple nightgown crashes through the door and launches herself at him. He lifts her into his arms and pulls her close, “Janie,” he sighs.

“Daddy why cry?” she looks at him and rubs his tear streaked face.

He shakes his head smiling, “It was just a bad dream sweetie, daddy’s ok now” he hugs her again and the sound of crying reaches his ears. He hands the small girl to her mom and kisses his wife on the lips. “I’ll get him,” he mumbles.

He walks down the small hallway and into the nursery. The walls are painted a pale blue with a mountain scene on one wall. The little baby whines and cries and he’s quick to pick him up and rest him against his bare chest. The baby instantly quiets into small sniffles nestling against his daddy's warm chest. “Shhh Mikie it’s ok daddy is here,” he hums quietly and moves to the kitchen.

He smiles seeing his wife and daughter singing together to the radio and making pancakes. He hands the baby over to his mother and she pulls down her shirt and begins nursing. He takes the spatula from her hand and ushers her into the kitchen chair. Jane tries her best to help mixing the pancakes from her perch on a chair.

“Do you want to talk about it?” his wife asks, watching him carefully.

Llewyn sighs before turning from the stove looking into those beautiful green eyes. “I did something...like I used to… you made me sleep on the couch...and when I tried to apologize in the morning you...you took the kids and left me. I was alone, just like I used to be.” He turns from her to flip the pancakes and hears the sound of the chair scraping across the floor.

Her hand rests gently on his shoulder before she turns him around and pulls him close. Mikie resting happily between the two of them, “Family hug,” she whispers to Jane who holds out her arms and he picks her up. She wraps her tiny arms around his neck, and he tightens his hold on the three of them. His whole world in his hands.

“Daddy, you ok?” Janie’s little voice asks from the crook of his neck.

He nods pulling away to look at his little family, “I’m perfect. As long as I have mama, baby brother, and you. My family is all I need.”

#November writing challenge #Oscar Isaac #inside llewyn davis #Llewyn Davis x OC #llewyn davis

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me-and-your-husband · 4 years

Text

Honey, I’m Home

Summary: After Steve went on the run from the government after the events of civil war, you await the day you can see him and your daughter again. When that day comes, a new hope is found.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader, Dad!Steve Rogers x Mom!Reader

Warnings: ANGST, fluff, mentions of fighting, domestic/nomad Steve.

Italics denote a flashback

Steve had pushed me to sign the Accords. “I don’t want Jane to have both her parents war criminals,” Steve had said. I reluctantly agreed, knowing it was for my daughter’s best interest. I knew that signing was wrong; I didn’t believe that operating under the government’s jurisdiction was safe and proper, yet I signed.

Finally, the day of the fight came. With both her parents being at “ work”, Jane had to stay in the Quinjet in Germany when the fight took place, under the surveillance of FRIDAY, of course. Steve was the only one on the opposing team who knew that Jane was in the jet, so when Sam fired a missile at me and missed, it crashed into the Quinjet stationed behind me. Nat quickly pinned me down, as I did nothing to fight against her, only trying to wriggle away to get to my daughter. I repeatedly squeaked out her name, which got Steve’s attention. He dropped his shield and ran faster than I thought possible for even Steve, into the ‘Jet. I held my breath, and luckily, a few seconds later he came out holding a healthy Jane in his arms. At this point, Natasha seen what was going on and she lifted herself off of me.

Sprinting towards my family, nobody intervened. I reached them and Jane lifted her head from Steve’s neck.

“Baby, are you okay?” I said, frantically checking her body for any signs of injury.

“Yes mama, I’m ‘kay,” she said. Steve wrapped his other arm around me as we both held our daughter, and planted a lingering kiss to my head.

“I need to go, Baby,” Steve said, making me look up at him. I let out a shaky breath and nodded, but before any more could be said, Steve was called back to the battlefield by Sam, who was implying the urgency of the situation by frantically waving his hands around. Steve shifted Jane into my arms, and pressed his forehead to mine.

“I love you. So much, Doll, remember that for me, okay?” He said and I nodded and whispered a heart-felt “I love you too”. He kissed our daughter softly on the cheek, but couldn’t bring himself to say anything other than, “I love you, Janie, be good for your mom,” and then ran to his best friend. Tears ran down my cheek, but before they could reach my shirt, I was whisked into the air, clutching onto my daughter with my life, by some type of string. I landed on my feet, for once thanking that assassin training, and turned to see a man in a red onesie, perched atop a car.

The eyes on his suit went wide, when a squeaky teenage voice rang through my ears. Definitely not a man.

“Oh, Mrs. Rogers, I’m so sorry, I-I thought you were on Cap’s side, and I didn’t know you had a child with you oh my God I'm so sorry I-” I took a deep breath before cutting him off, still clutching onto Jane.

“Spider-boy, get a grip, come on,” I said and he nodded, casting one more apology. “Can you get my daughter to safety?” I asked him. Having to put my trust in a pubescent high-schooler was not apart of my plans for the day. He promised me he could do it, and I gave my daughter to him.

“It's okay Janie, I’ll come get you when this is all over, okay? Now listen to this boy, alright?” I said and she nodded. I placed a kiss on her forehead, before the spider thing swung away with her.

My gaze followed them as they left the airport, but got interrupted when I was pulled back into the fight by Tony.

Not even ten seconds later, I heard a low blast, and looked up to see a small taser missile heading for Peter. I held my breath as I watched him try to swerve around it, but it still hit his web shooter. The other arm was wrapped around my daughter, so he couldn't use the other occupied web shooter. As they started falling, Peter’s arm slipped from around Jane. Out of my peripheral vision, I seen a blue blur, Steve, running towards the ground beneath them. I closed my eyes, not wanting to believe it, but I had to know what was happening.

When I opened my eyes back up, Steve was carrying Jane back to his original spot with Sam and Bucky. I made my way over to retrieve my daughter, but T’challa was heavy on my heels. His speed out-shone mine by far, and he whipped past me and towards Steve. I knew he would never hurt a child, but I also knew he wasn’t particularly happy with Steve. T’challa came to a stop about thirty feet in front of them, and they exchanged some words. I finally caught up to where they were standing, and I wasn’t having any it

“Put the girl down, and let’s fight like real soldiers, if that’s what you claim to be,” T’challa spat. I looked around, thinking of my options. Then a plan struck me. Not one I would surely love the outcome of, but better than what could have happened.

Luckily, my suit was also built by Tony, so even if it looked like it was a basic red leather jumpsuit, I had a couple of tricks up my sleeve, literally. I pressed the “tase” setting on my built in brass knuckles, and threw a left hook towards his side. He abruptly turned around and grabbed my hand, which I knew he would, but it worked in my favor, as he dropped to the ground convulsing from the electrocution. I pinned him down, as he struggled against me.

I looked up to where the soldiers and my husband stood, Jane still terrified in his arms. “Go! Take her! Come find me when it's safe again,” I said to them. Steve gave me a sad look, and then a nod, as the four of them left on the jet. I watched them take off, and then hear T’challa grumble.

“Why would you do that!” He barked, a scowl on his unmasked face.

“Why would I do that? Are you kidding me?” I hissed, slowly approaching him. “I did it because that’s my husband, and I’d give the world for him and my daughter. Don’t dare ridicule me for looking out for the two people in the world who I trust would do the same for me,”

It was another rainy day, as the majority of the days are in Chicago. I came here a few months ago after I couldn't bear being around the other grumbling Avengers anymore. Things just didn't run as smoothly without Steve.

I opened the curtains of my small apartment, and sighed. I peered into the bottom of my mug, eyes wandering in the tea. The soft murmur of the TV playing in the background could almost always be heard now, but not today.

Today was exactly eighteen months since I had last seen my daughter and husband. I tried to remain hopeful, but the more grueling days that passed, the less hope remained. Jane would be five now, though the last time I seen her she was only three. It hurt, it unbearably hurt, when I seen a little girl with her parents when I was out and about. Just simple things like going to the market, grabbing a coffee, all felt, kind of neutral. Like I was numb. The world just buzzed around me, everyone moving on with their lives, as I was left to grieve the unlost.

I looked down through the window at the bustling Chicago streets. Taxi drivers yelled at pedestrians to move out of the way, peddlers and street vendors on the sidewalks, families walking hand in hand down the busy sidewalks. I glanced across the room to my analog clock, which presented the time as 10:02 am. My shift at the diner on the corner started at 10:30.

I threw my tea down the sink, and slipped on an old pair of ripped jeans and a t-shirt. My hair ended up in a low bun, with some hairs pulled out to frame my face, nothing special. I finished with a baseball cap, and decided I looked presentable. I grabbed my coat and phone, slipping it into my back pocket. I opened a door, to which revealed two men in baseball caps and sunglasses, one with his fist raised to the door, as if he was going to knock.

“Gentlemen, what can I do for you?” I asked, puzzled, and the man slowly lowered his fist. The men both removed their disguises, and contagious grins spread across our faces.

“Sam? Bucky?” I questioned, looking frantically between the two men. They nodded, and when I jumped in between them, wrapping one arm around each of their necks, they both chuckled, patting my back.

“Where's Steve? Jane?” I asked them, looking down the hall.

“That's where we're here to take you, doll,”

Part 2

#Steve Rogers #steve rogers x reader #dad!steve rogers #captain america #The Avengers #marvel #captain america civil war

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maybeimamuppet · 3 years

Text

queen of hearts (part 1)

hi friends!! happy wednesday! did someone say royalty au?? no. but i wrote one anyone so here you are. this is my favorite thing i've written so far, but buckle up, it's a doozy.

trigger warnings for:

period-typical homophobia

mentioned child/domestic abuse

attempted r*pe/assault

graphic injury

and death!

if i missed any please let me know, that's entirely possible. also, if you're bothered by historical/medical inaccuracies, maybe skip this one. otherwise, please enjoy!

Once upon a time, there was a brave knight; who fought in many battles, vanquished terrible beasts, and could wield a sword like no other.

Her name was Janis.

Janis was an energetic child, bouncing off walls and ripping holes in dresses by the time she was two. By four, she had mastered the art of tree climbing, and by six she was a pro at arm wrestling.

Janis always knew she was different. She was never particularly interested in typically 'feminine' activities, and she felt a special distaste for boys. But girls, on the other hand. Girls were a different story.

When she was twelve, Janis worked for the George family, a rich family of noble blood, with rumored connections to the royal family. They had a daughter just a few months older than Janis herself, named Regina. Janis was a servant, but the two quickly became friends. And then, more than friends.

But it was too good to last. Regina's father caught the two girls holding hands one day, and gave Janis a lashing so severe she saw stars. He forbade Janis from ever seeing his daughter again, and marched her home by the ear.

Janis' parents were of a similar mindset. They gave her a single loaf of bread, and allowed her to keep the clothes on her back. With a final hug from her baby sister, Janis was disowned, never to see her family again.

She slept in a barn for a week, huddled up with a sheep for warmth. The farmer discovered her after a while and made her leave, but his wife took pity and gave her a hot dinner first.

For nearly a year, Janis slept outside the door to a tavern. She joined an underground fighting ring for money, and would occasionally make bets to earn more. As she continued, she realized she wasn't eating enough to maintain her strength.

So, Janis took up pickpocketing too. In less than a month, she had mastered the craft. She could steal the wallets of the strange men who passed her without a second glance on their way in to the tavern, take their money, and put the wallet back with the men none the wiser.

Until Ron Duvall came along. Janis could tell by his clothing that he had some sort of connection to the royal family. He must have a lot of money. She managed to steal the wallet and the money without him noticing, but she fumbled putting it back. He drew his sword and whirled around, threatening to slice her arms off at the elbow for daring to steal from him.

But upon turning, he came face to face with a young, severely malnourished girl, in tattered clothes several sizes too small and with wide, terrified eyes. He could tell by the way she was clutching the money that she was truly desperate for it. Something in his heart told him to help.

From that day, Janis had a new home. As it turned out, Ron Duvall was the captain of the royal guard. He had the highest position, and was the most trusted soldier in the ranks. Janis joined them, training alongside the other soldiers and living in the barracks.

She finally had clothes that fit, plenty of food, a warm bed. She met a boy named Damian after a month or so, a seamster around her age who worked in the castle. They became instant best friends, inseparable except to attend to their duties. Janis had a family, and didn't plan to let go.

—————

Janis is hacking at a straw man, poking holes in his torso and lopping little bits off. Out of her peripheral she spies Damian barreling towards her, which is slightly concerning.

"Janis! Janjan! Jan!" Damian calls as Janis slices the head off her dummy and sheathes her sword. She turns towards him as she wipes the sweat from her face.

"What's the matter? I never thought I'd see you run voluntarily," Janis comments.

"I take offense to that," Damian pants. "But the King and Queen have asked for you."

Janis whirls around from the trough of water she's scrubbing her face from. "Who wants me?"

"The King. And the Queen."

"That can't be good," Janis mumbles, color draining from her face. "What do they want with me?"

"They didn't say," Damian huffs, still trying to get his breath back. "But it can't be too bad or they would've sent a guard instead of someone like me."

Janis dunks her whole head in the tank quickly, pulling back out and walking briskly to her barrack. "Come on then."

Damian follows after her quickly, sitting on her bunk as she pulls her daily uniform from the trunk at her footboard.

"I will never understand why they put so many fucking buckles on this thing," Janis grumbles as she fastens on her blue and gold uniform jacket. She grabs a cloth from her trunk as well, scrubbing at her face harshly. "Can you plait my hair for me?"

Damian pulls her damp hair back, braiding it quickly down her back and tying it with a leather cord as she tugs on her boots and sheath again. "There."

"Thanks. I'll tell you what they say later, wish me luck. Love you," Janis says hastily, kissing his cheek and running towards the palace.

"Good luck, love you too," Damian calls after her.

The guards at the main gate snap to attention as Janis barrels up the high steps towards them, but relax slightly upon seeing that she's in the same uniform as them.

She stops just in front of them, panting slightly. "I have been requested by the King and Queen."

"What is your name, soldier?" One of them asks.

"Sarkisian, Janis."

"Come with me."

She follows after him, looking around in awe at the elaborate decor around her. She bumps into him outside the door to the throne room and earns herself a disapproving glare. He enters and announces her, so she puffs up her chest and follows him in.

The royals don't react, so she goes to the respectful distance and kneels before them. "Your Majesties."

"Stand, soldier," The Queen says. Janis does. "You are Sarkisian?"

"I am, Your Majesty," Janis replies politely, bowing her head respectfully.

"Duvall informs me you're his best fighter," The King says. "Is this true?"

"Um, I like to think so, Your Majesty. I have trained for years in both swordsmanship and archery," Janis responds. "But many of my fellow soldiers are likely as skilled as I."

"How old are you, soldier?" The Queen asks.

"Seventeen, Your Majesty," Janis says politely.

The King raises his eyebrows in surprise. "You are young to be so skilled."

"I am aware, Your Majesty. However, I have been training since I was thirteen. I fought in the war against Kingdom Sherwood when I was fifteen," Janis responds. "I am confident in my skills."

"And your family?" the Queen asks. Janis looks down.

"I was disowned at age twelve, Your Majesty," she murmurs, just loudly enough for them to hear. "I have not seen any of them since."

"Why?" the Queen asks suspiciously.

"Several reasons," Janis replies. She knows she can't reveal the true one. "But mainly due to the fact that they were poor. They could not afford to house both me and my younger sister."

The King gives her a sympathetic glance, but Janis can't read the Queen.

"Please excuse us for a moment, soldier," the King says kindly. Janis bows, walking out of earshot and looking around in awe. There's several portraits decorating the walls, of the King and Queen, eventually with the Princess making an appearance. She grows older in every portrait, from a fiery haired infant to an impish looking child, to an elegant and refined looking young lady.

She can overhear bits and pieces of the conversation between the royals. "She's her age." "But she's a girl." "I'd feel better having a girl perform this task anyway."

Eventually, she's called back, bowing again.

"We have a position for you. Our daughter needs a personal guard, we think you would be best suited for the task," the King says.

Janis is stunned. "Me? I- Forgive me, Your Majesties, I'm-I'm honored, but... would you not rather have someone with more training guard the Princess?"

The Queen looks at the King meaningfully, as if agreeing with her, but the King shakes his head. "We trust Lord Duvall's judgement. If he recommends you, we trust him. It also helps you are close in age to Princess Cadence, and a female."

Janis thinks. "Thank you, Your Majesties, I'm honored, truly. I shall protect the Princess with my life."

The Queen looks slightly relieved at this. "You are dismissed, soldier. Guard, take this young lady to the Princess' quarters."

"Right away, Your Majesty."

Janis bows once more as she takes her leave, hustling after the large guard towards the Princess' wing of the palace. Eventually they reach one of the tallest doors Janis has ever seen, and the guard knocks politely on it.

A soft, melodic voice rings out from inside, sounding rather melancholy to Janis. "Come in."

The guard opens the door, gesturing for Janis to enter and following after her. A small figure is sat by the massive window, looking out over the gardens of the palace. She turns, and Janis has to withhold a gasp. Very few of the people outside the palace have ever actually seen the Princess, but she's absolutely beautiful.

Long auburn curls hang down her back to her waist, and she has gorgeous crystal blue doe eyes. Freckles are spattered all over her pale skin like stars in the night sky. She's in a long dress, pale blue in color with a skirt that brushes the floor.

"He-oh," the Princess stutters. "Hello. Forgive me, I... wasn't expecting a lady. Is this who they've chosen?"

"Yes, your Highness. Knight Sarkisian," the other guard says.

"Hm. Thank you, Mike, you may go now," the Princess says, looking Janis up and down. He bows politely and takes his leave. "What is your name?"

"Um, Janis Sarkisian, Your Highness. At your service," Janis replies, bowing awkwardly.

"Oh, god, please don't. It seems we'll be spending a fair bit of time together, there's no need for all the formalities," the Princess replies. "I detest them, anyway. Call me Cady."

"Yes, Your-uhm, Cady," Janis stutters as she rises back up. Cady chuckles.

"Have you been in the palace before, Janis?" Cady asks, opening the door and leading her down the hall.

"I have not, Y-Cady," Janis says. "It's magnificent."

"I'm glad you think so," Cady says with just a touch of sadness. "Tell me about yourself."

"I don't think there's really much to tell. I'm seventeen, was born in the slums. My family was poor, I started working as a house servant in the nicer part of town when I was six to support my family," Janis replies. Cady turns to look at her with wide eyes, as if she's hearing the most interesting, surprising thing she's ever heard.

"You began work when you were six years old?" She asks in shock.

Janis nods. "I didn't have a choice, it was either work or starve. I'm far from unique in that regard."

Cady looks at her sadly. "My apologies, I didn't mean to interrupt you. Please continue. If you wish to."

"Please don't apologize, Cady. Um, I continued work for several families until I was twelve. I was disowned, I slept in a barn until I was discovered and then started living outside a tavern. I competed in street fights for money for food, and sometimes pickpocketed if I didn't make enough in a day. I tried to steal from Ron, and nearly lost my hands for it," Janis chuckles. "But, he took pity on me and took me in. Taught me everything I know about the sword and bow. I rose quickly through the ranks, fought in the war. And now I'm here."

Cady freezes outside the door to their apparent destination, trying to take in everything she's just been told. "My goodness. The war was only finished two years ago, you couldn't have been more than-"

"Fifteen," Janis replies.

"Fifteen," Cady repeats hollowly. "You could've died, so young. And you lived on the streets for... how long?"

"A year or so, I didn't keep track exactly," Janis says. "Had other things on my mind."

Cady hums sadly. "Have you heard from your family at all?"

"Not since I was forced to leave, no," Janis replies. "But I've found people here that I consider closer family than they ever were."

"I'm glad for that," Cady says. "My apologies, if I'm prying. I just find the lives of others fascinating." She finally opens the doors they're in front of, revealing the massive gardens of the palace. "Walk with me, won't you?"

"Of course. Would you tell me about yourself, now? I feel I should know you, if I am to protect you," Janis replies. She's slightly on edge now that they're outside, but there are guards nearly everywhere and they're still walled in. She just needs a little extra caution.

"I'm not sure you'd find my life so interesting. It sounds so terribly dull in comparison to yours," Cady says, holding onto her arm with her right hand and holding her skirts with her left. "But very well. I am seventeen as well. I was born here, raised here. I am the only child, only heir to the throne. I've been stuck in classes on everything from medicine to diplomacy from the time I could speak."

Janis is slightly envious, but hides it and gestures for her to continue.

"I've almost never set foot outside the castle walls. Once a season we take the carriage through the villages, and every once in a while I sneak out to the stables. I've always loved animals," Cady says with a sigh. Janis gets the sense immediately that Cady is not as fortunate as she had thought. She seems... stuck, trapped. How sad.

"How do you sneak past all the guards?" Janis asks. "You must be like a spy."

Cady chuckles, coming to sit on the edge of a fountain. "The guards all let me go, and agree not to tell my parents so long as I have at least two of them to protect me on my way down. I'm not really sneaking around anyone but my parents."

"They don't let you go see the horses freely? How dangerous could that be?" Janis asks as she sits next to her.

"I've never done anything freely. I've always wished to see the town up close, or go through the woods, or walk down to speak to the soldiers training," Cady sighs. "But it's not safe. I'm the only heir, if something happens to me the whole kingdom of Evanston falls. I'll likely be kept in here the rest of my days."

"That sounds a rather miserable existence. I'm sorry," Janis says.

"Do not apologize, Janis, it's not as if you have any part in my entrapment here. And your life has been... much harder," Cady replies.

"That doesn't mean your life hasn't been hard too," Janis says. "They don't cancel out."

Cady looks at her thoughtfully. "I suppose not. You speak very eloquently for a guard, were you educated somewhere?"

Janis chuckles. "Not anywhere near what you're thinking. I had to learn to read and write for my job as a child, and I learned to add and subtract to make sure I had enough money. When I joined the guardhood I was trained in royal etiquette on the off chance I was ever required to serve inside the palace. That's about the extent of it."

"Oh. Well, lucky that you were trained then," Cady jokes weakly, but Janis still laughs. "Do you have any hobbies or interests? I don't know how much free time you have as a royal guard."

"Not much, I'll admit. I spend most of my time working on my fighting, keeping my strength up, things like that," Janis replies. "But I actually like art quite a bit. One of the ladies I worked for was kinder than the rest, an artist. She taught me a few things about painting and such, I always enjoyed that."

"That's lovely," Cady says, as if relieved Janis has something she can enjoy. "I never was much good at art. Do you have any works? I'd love to see them."

"I haven't been able to get much in the way of materials, but I have a tendency to doodle," Janis says. "I- wait, will I be moving into the palace?"

Cady giggles. "If you want this position, yes. You'll be living in the guards quarters outside my bedroom from now on."

"Oh. Then I suppose you'll see some little things I've done eventually," Janis replies. If Cady wanted into her own bedroom, she would have to pass through Janis' from now on. "What about you? Any interests I should know about?"

"Not really," Cady hums thoughtfully. "I always enjoyed my mathematics classes more than the others, and I love animals. I enjoy being outside more than anything, I do most of my work on the balconies and I walk outside at least once a day."

"I've never enjoyed being indoors either," Janis responds. "Mathematics, though, really? I never liked numbers."

"Yes, I never quite understood why. Numbers always just... made sense. Very little else does," Cady says, looking off into the distance. "Anyway. I suppose you want to know why I suddenly need a personal guard?"

Janis hadn't thought of that. The King and Queen obviously had personal guards, and there were many others stationed around the castle for their protection, but the Princess has never had one assigned just to her before. "Yes, I...yes."

Cady sighs heavily. "I come of age this winter, in February. I am to be married, but obviously have not had an opportunity to find a husband. My parents have decided to throw a festival and invite Princes from the neighboring kingdoms to come and compete for my hand in marriage."

"You don't sound pleased about this," Janis says. "Do you not wish to marry?"

"Not yet, and not like this," Cady replies. "But I must. Ten men are coming in January, just after the new year. I'll be married to one a week after my birthday."

"That's... awful," Janis says. "You're younger than I, you shouldn't be forced into a marriage yet if you don't wish to."

"It's how it must be done. To meet a husband on my own I would have to leave the palace, leave the kingdom, and talk with people outside. Since I can't do that, we must bring people from the outside, in. And hope for the best."

"So... my job is to keep you safe from a potential husband? What-why would they bring these men here if there's a chance they would do you harm?" Janis asks. None of this makes sense, so far.

Cady just sighs. "In theory, nothing should happen. These men are all royalty; trained in diplomacy and etiquette. They should all be perfect gentleman, and I'll take my pick. But there is always a chance one won't be. I've tried telling my parents we shouldn't do it this way. When I marry, I wish it to be for love. But they insist. The kingdom needs a royal family. I have to continue it, and soon."

"I'm sorry. I hope my position here won't be necessary, but I will protect you with my life if need be. And I hope you can find love with one of the suitors," Janis says. She suddenly feels lucky, not being born royal. She's had so much freedom that she took for granted.

"Thank you. I... I hope your position won't be needed either, but I'm glad to have met you," Cady says. "You've been through so much more in the same time as me. You have every right to hate me and yet you've been... kind. So far."

"I think I'll continue. You have been through things that commoners like me don't think about. You didn't ask to be born into your position, I don't hold your birth against you," Janis replies. "You have every right to treat me like a servant, but you have also been kind."

"Your job is to keep me alive, I think it's in my best interest to be kind," Cady jokes. "But thank you. I... I don't think I've ever had a friend before. I hope I can consider you to be one."

"Of course, Cady. I see no reason we shouldn't be," Janis says. "Being your friend sounds nice."

"I'm glad."

————-

Janis' birthday rolls around a few months later. Damian surprises her with a pastry he had snuck from the kitchens in the morning.

"Happy birthday, Janjan!" He whispers excitedly, since the Princess is still asleep.

"Thanks, D," she chuckles groggily, sitting up in her cot.

"You're welcome. I have to go, I can't be late for work or I'll be punished again, but I'll see you later," Damian says as he leaves. "I love you!"

"Love you too," Janis says as she nibbles at the pastry.

Cady enters a few minutes later, as Janis is getting dressed with her breakfast waiting on her pillow. Cady's braiding her hair over her shoulder as she heads down to breakfast with her family.

"Good morning, Janis," she says. "Did your friend bring you another pastry?" She points to her pillow as she finishes tying a ribbon around the end of her hair.

"Good morning, Cady. Yeah, um... today is my birthday," Janis explains. "He snuck me a special breakfast."

"It's your birthday? Why didn't you tell me?!" Cady asks as she comes to hug her tightly. Janis tenses slightly, they're not really supposed to be this intimate with the royals, but returns the affections after a second. "I have to get you a gift."

"No, Your-Cady. That's why I didn't tell anybody. It's just another day for me, I don't want a big deal made of it," Janis explains.

"Aww. Today should be special; you come of age today," Cady pouts. "And I've never had a friend's birthday to celebrate. Can I please get you a present?"

"I feel I came of age a long time ago, Princess. I suppose you can get me a gift, if you must," Janis begrudgingly allows. "Just nothing extravagant or expensive."

"Yay!" Cady squeals. "Oh, I'm late. I'll see you later, Janis! We'll do something special then. Happy birthday!"

"Okay, um. Thanks," Janis blinks. She had not expected Cady to be so excited.

She dons her uniform and heads down to her own breakfast with the rest of the guards. She sneaks a few extra apples, deciding to go see her horse, Pancakes.

On the way, she runs into Cady talking with a servant about something. The servant bows respectfully and heads for the main doors of the palace.

"Oh, Janis! Hi," Cady calls, making her way over to her. Janis is fascinated by the way Cady moves, every motion is somehow elegant. "Where are you going?"

"Um, the stables. Figured I'd take my horse around a little bit," Janis replies, trying to hide her sneaky fruit.

"I already saw them, Janis, you don't need to hide," Cady chuckles. "May I go with you?"

"Um... sure," Janis replies. "Follow me."

Cady does, running after Janis as she holds up her skirts. One of the guards at the main door gives the signal, and another pops around the corner to follow after them.

Janis holds the door for her when they reach the stables, heading to the stall in the far corner.

Cady smiles when she sees Janis' horse, taking one of the apples from Janis as a friendship offering. "This is yours? What's his name?"

"Pancakes," Janis mumbles sheepishly. "Don't laugh!"

"I'm sorry, that's just... really cute, I didn't expect it," Cady giggles, stroking his nose as he accepts the apple from her hand. "He's beautiful."

"Thanks. Trained him myself," Janis says. "Yeah, hi, stupid. Here's some breakfast."

"You trained him yourself? Wow," Cady says. "He's very docile."

"He's just lazy," Janis replies. "Do you-um... want to come? On the ride? I'm not leaving the grounds, if that other guard follows you'll be safe. And I have my sword and bow if anything should happen, god forbid."

Cady is nearly vibrating with excitement, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet before she throws herself at Janis. Maybe not every move is quite so elegant.

"Yes! Thank you! I've never-wait, I've never ridden a horse before. Is it scary?" Cady realizes suddenly.

"It might take a little getting used to. But if you get scared I'll just take you back," Janis replies, saddling Pancakes and kicking over a stool so Cady can clamber up. "After you, Princess."

"Thank you, my lady," Cady giggles, taking Janis' offered hand and wiggling her way onto the horse. "Wow, he really is calm. Sorry boy."

Her gown doesn't stretch enough to ride normally, so Cady rides side-saddle as Janis sits astride the horse behind her.

"Ready?" Janis asks before she starts him moving. Cady nods excitedly. Janis sets Pancakes off to a trot. Cady gives a frightened squeak and clings tightly to Janis, but once she gets used to the motion of it she starts laughing happily.

Janis holds Cady around the waist with one arm and the reins in her other hand, gradually picking up speed as they ride around the yard in a loop. Cady really seems to enjoy it, so Janis keeps going a little longer than she had planned before she rides them back to the enclosure.

She hops down and holds out a hand to help Cady off, removing everything from the horse and letting him wander to the trough for some water.

"Oh, Janis, that was wonderful. Thank you," Cady says happily, hugging her tightly. "I have a lesson now, but I'll meet you for tea once I finish. Hopefully Gretchen will be back with your gift by then." She shoots Janis a wink and turns back, running back to the castle.

"Fuck, this can't be happening again," Janis grumbles once Cady leaves, resting her forehead against the fence in exasperation. "I can't afford to fall in love with another girl."

Janis takes over for her substitute outside of Cady's study, where she's currently in a lesson on diplomacy and etiquette with foreign dignitaries.

Once the clock chimes the hour Cady comes rushing out, before she clocks Janis grinning at her and turns back around.

"Janis! Hi," She breathes. "I wasn't expecting you to be here. You could've taken the day off, you know."

"I have nothing else to be doing, Cady," Janis says.

"You could have spent the day with... oh, what is his name?" Cady huffs, pressing a hand to her forehead as she tries to remember.

"Damian, Princess?"

"Yes! You really must introduce me to him someday soon, I do much better with names when I have a face to match it to," Cady replies. "Couldn't you spend the day with him?"

"He has work to finish, but he promised to find me before dinner today. I may go with him then and get someone to cover my duties for a while, if I am excused," Janis says. "But I know he would love to make your acquaintance once he has the time to."

"I could have excused him from his duties for the day as well if you wished, Janis," Cady says gently. "I would like to dine with you alone, but I can give you a pass afterwards to spend the rest of the day with him, if you like?"

Janis thinks for a second. "That would be great, thank you, Cady."

"Of course. Come along now, I want to give you your gift," Cady says excitedly, grabbing Janis' hand and rushing through the corridors towards her bedroom.

"Are you not eating in the dining hall today, Princess?" Janis asks as she runs after her, still holding her hand.

"I want to give you your surprise first, Jay," Cady says. "But no. Let's eat in the gardens, today, it's lovely outside."

"Jay?" Janis asks. A nickname? She calls Cady 'Princess' as a cute joke, since Cady hates it. She hadn't expected Cady to return the favor.

"Oh, um... do you-do you not like it? I thought it was sweet," Cady says shyly. "I won't call you that if you don't like it."

"No! No, I like it, Princess. I just didn't expect it, is all," Janis says hastily.

"Oh! Okay then, Jay," Cady says with relief as she finally comes to a stop outside of the door. She peeks in first, squealing at whatever surprise she has prepared. "Close your eyes." She comes to cover Janis' eyes, guiding her into the guard's quarters. "Ready?"

Janis nods, so Cady removes her hands. Janis gasps happily at what she sees. Cady bought a very nice oil paint set, complete with several brushes of different sizes and shapes, canvases, and even an easel.

"You-you-this is for me?" Janis asks, trying not to cry.

"Of course. It's all yours," Cady says with a wide smile. "Go on, look closer."

"Thank you," Janis breathes as she runs a finger over the end of a brush. "This is... incredible, truly. I love it."

"I'm glad," Cady says. "But you have to paint me something with it. I don't mind what, but I want one of your paintings."

"Absolutely," Janis says, smiling as Cady wraps her in a hug. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Happy birthday. Now come on, join me for tea," Cady insists, grabbing her hand again.

"Yes, Princess."

————-

The holiday season comes and goes, followed by the New Year. Exactly a week later, Janis is standing beside Cady on a high balcony, watching ten ships make their way into the harbor.

The town below is bustling with activity, banners in the kingdom's colors decorate every lamp and wall as the villagers rush around in their cloaks to prepare. Cady looks at them with a sort of longing, leaning casually against the rail.

Eventually she gives a sigh, turning to go inside. "I have to be in the throne room to greet everyone, we should go."

Janis removes her own cloak and takes Cady's, hanging them to dry on a rack just inside the door before following her down. She's in her dress uniform for the special occasion, which somehow has even more buckles than her usual one. She had nearly missed breakfast trying to get it on.

Cady plops on her throne with a huff, sitting in a very unladylike slouch while they're alone. "Keep an eye on each one, and then you can tell me what you think of them once we're alone again tonight."

"Yes, Princess. Are you alright?" Janis asks, standing at attention next to her.

"Yes, everything's fine. I just am really not looking forward to this."

"I understand, Cady, but I'm here to protect you," Janis replies. "I'm sure they'll be perfectly kind gentlemen."

"Hmph. They'd better be," Cady huffs. She straightens and Janis kneels when her parents enter, both snapping to their proper positions.

Janis is bid to stand once the royals are all seated, looking very proper and with a hand on her sword sheath in case someone tries something on Cady.

She tries not to jump when some very loud horns blow, announcing the arrival of the first Prince. He's handsome, announcing his name as Jason. Janis doesn't like him but doesn't clock him as a threat.

As it turns out, Janis doesn't like any of the Princes. She can't tell if it's because her instincts are telling her they're dangerous or because she doesn't want anyone else to be with her Princess, but she's on her top form the whole time.

She feels a special distaste for the tenth Prince, Shane. He carries himself with a haughty air, coming to kiss Cady's hand with an arrogant smirk. Janis has to physically hold back a groan of disbelief.

Once introductions are held, the Princes are escorted to the courtyard and into carriages for a short tour of the local villages. Cady and her family eat dinner during the parade, and then Cady has the evening off as the King and Queen give a speech to the commonwealth in the plaza from the main balcony.

"So what did you think of them?" Cady asks as she brushes her hair out for the day. Janis technically isn't supposed to enter her room unless it's an emergency, but Cady usually asks for her company before they go to sleep.

"They were... fine, I suppose," Janis answers, trying to hide her true opinions. Speaking about royalty so freely is improper.

"You can be honest with me, Jay. Nobody else is here," Cady replies knowingly, looking at her in the mirror.

"Fine. They were all mediocre at best and I don't trust the last one." Janis says rapidly, making Cady laugh.

"Shane? What was the matter with him?" Cady asks. "I didn't like him, either, but he seemed fine."

"The way he carried himself, like he owned the whole place. He thinks he's elite," Janis replies. "He looked at you like a possession, not a person. That's not something that changes. He would own you, if you married him."

Cady looks slightly startled at that. "You gathered all that from, what, three minutes?"

"I learned how to read people very well, helps me perceive threats in a fight," Janis replies casually. "But really, if I'm allowed any input into your decision. Don't pick him. He's who I'm supposed to be protecting you from."

"Okay, I won't pick him, don't worry. Um... what did you think of me, when we met?" Cady asks gently, turning around in her seat.

Alarm bells go off in Janis' head, she can't reveal too much or risk being tossed away again. "Um... I thought you were very beautiful, and that you were almost too kind to be the Princess. And that there was a sort of sadness or longing to you beneath the surface."

Cady just blinks at her. "Wow. Well, thank you, for saying I'm beautiful and kind, I suppose."

"Cady, I meant no offense by-" Janis bursts out, worried she'd still managed to screw it up.

"I know, Jay, it's fine. I'm not offended. You're not wrong, I do have a sense of longing. But I'm sure you learned why, once we had a conversation," Cady replies. "Anyway. What about the rest of the Princes? I quite liked the third, Aaron?"

Janis tries to remember the rest of the men. "He was handsome, and I don't think he's a threat. But he didn't strike me as really wanting to be here, either."

Cady comes to sit on her bed, patting the spot next to her for Janis to join her. "I should keep you around more, if you're this good at assessing people. If he doesn't want to be here I suppose I shouldn't pick him."

"It's your choice, Princess. If you like him and can form a connection with him, then I'm sure he'll enjoy being here eventually. Who wouldn't? You're great company," Janis says.

"Thank you," Cady says softly. "You're good company too. Certainly much easier to talk to than these men will be."

"You'll do fine, Cady," Janis comforts. "I'm sure of it."

Cady looks at her strangely, as if realizing something, but doesn't say anything for a long moment. "Thank you, Jay. I'm glad I have you to speak with."

"Um, you're welcome, Cady," Janis says nervously. "Uh, goodnight!"

Cady looks confused, and almost sad that she has to go. "Goodnight, Janis. Sleep well."

—————-

There's only three rules that Cady has to follow for the festival. Number one, all ten Princes must stay for a minimum of a week. Number two, she must consider them all, no matter how much she wishes the festival wasn't happening in the first place. She has to spend a roughly equal amount of time with them throughout the event, and consider their interests and personalities. And finally, she must stay inside the grounds of the palace. The Princes are all allowed to leave so long as they have guards to accompany them, but Cady is still under lock and key.

Janis now spends practically every waking moment with Cady. She takes her breakfasts earlier so she can guard Cady during her morning lessons, and takes her lunch late so she can protect her while she spends the late mornings and early afternoons courting all the Princes. Unless one of them requests it, Cady still dines alone with her family for dinner, and Janis takes hers at the same time.

She's certainly not complaining about the extra time with Cady, but it feels like she's getting less. They're not really spending time together anymore, Janis is just... doing her job. Guarding Cady, keeping her safe as she chooses someone to marry. She liked it better before, when it felt more like they were just friends.

On the fourth day of the festival, Janis gets a slight panic. Cady really seems to like this Aaron fellow. Janis came to terms with the fact that she had fallen hard for Cady long ago. She hadn't quite yet come to terms with the fact that she was going to have to watch Cady fall in love with someone else.

At the very least, Aaron is kind. He's a shy individual, who treats Cady with respect and makes sure to indulge her interests. He'll make a fine husband, a fine king. And yet, Janis gets a burning sense that he doesn't want that. He seems to like Cady in return, but none of the romantic things they do together seem to get him interested any more than he was when he arrived. Janis is either going to have to watch her best friend and secret love marry this man, or console her when he inevitably leaves. Maybe both.

She's deep in thought as she follows them around the gardens, ignoring the pang in her chest when she remembers this is the first place she ever really got to know Cady. Janis walked with her first.

Janis did a lot of things first. But Cady does several with the Princes as well, leaving Janis to wonder how special those moments really were. Cady goes riding with Jason, strolling around with Aaron, and even talks about art, albeit very briefly, with Shane.

Janis notices that Aaron keeps looking to their left, and that the corners of his mouth tick up just a bit when he does. Cady doesn't notice, she's looking at the beautiful sky and listening to the birds as the two of them chat peacefully. Janis looks with Aaron on the fifth time his head turns and is shocked to find that he seems to be looking at none other than her best friend.

Damian is working in the sewing room, hemming garments and sketching new gowns for Cady. Wedding gowns, most probably. He also keeps glancing up at them through the window, grinning slightly when he sees Aaron. How odd.

Janis realizes she's been staring at him for a while when he smiles and waves, and she waves back quickly before rushing to catch up with Cady and Aaron, who have gotten quite a ways away from her.

Cady sighs contently as she gets herself ready for bed that night, dizzy and dreamy. Janis is tense as she stands by the door.

"God, Janis, Aaron is so sweet," Cady swoons. "He spent our whole walk today just asking about me. He really wants to know me as a person, it's so wonderful."

"It is, Princess, I'm glad you enjoy his company," Janis grits, trying to hide her seething jealousy. If this keeps up she'll be out of a job. Get it together. "He seems wonderful for you."

Cady picks up on her tension, looking at her oddly. "Are you alright, Jay?"

"Hm?" Janis hums. Shit. "Oh, I'm fine, Cady. Just... tired is all. Longer days now, and everything."

Cady, blessedly, realizes that it's not something Janis wants to talk about. She grins comfortingly at her. "Okay. You should go get some rest, then. You can have tomorrow off, if you need. Can't have you getting too tired on the job."

Janis chuckles. "That's true. Goodnight, Princess."

"Goodnight, Janis," Cady replies as she crawls into her bed.

—————-

Janis does end up taking the next day off, to try and clear her head of this swirling mess of emotions. She spends it harassing Damian instead, pestering him with questions about his crush on Aaron as he tries desperately to catch up on his tasks.

"You think he's cuuuuuuute," Janis teases when Damian flushes at the mention of Aaron. "Damie's in looooove."

"Would you shut up? I have several sharp needles here and your eyeballs are within my reach," Damian huffs. "And besides, you're not any better with the Princess."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Janis demands. "I'm-I'm just her guard. Maybe a friend, that's it!"

"But you want more," Damian teases as he sticks his needle in a pincushion. "I see the way you look at her. You love her."

"As a friend!"

"No, Jan," Damian sighs. "I can tell. You had to pick the Princess, huh?"

"I didn't mean to," Janis mumbles. "She's just so pretty! And she's so nice, like... unless she's in the throne room it doesn't even feel like she's royalty."

"I understand," Damian sighs sadly. "I wish things were different. For all of us."

"You have no idea," Janis sighs back. The clock chimes then, signaling Janis has to leave for dinner and get back to her duties. "I love you. Remember our pact."

Damian laughs. They'd both decided that if they hadn't found anyone they could marry by the time they were thirty, they'd marry each other for tax benefits. "I love you too. Come down here more, I never get to see you."

"I will, I promise. Once Cady is married I'll have more time," Janis says. "Goodnight."

"Night, Jan."

"So how was your day?" Cady asks as she chooses her nightgown for the evening. "Is Damian well?"

"Yeah, he's fine, thanks," Janis says distractedly. "It was nice, I suppose."

"Missed me too much?" Cady teases from behind her privacy screen. Janis tenses. "That was a joke, Jay, you can laugh."

Janis forces a chuckle. Cady has no idea. "Yes, you're right, I can't bear to be away."

"Good, I miss your company when you're away too," Cady responds. "You've known him since you came here, right?"

"Yeah, he and I met about a month after I joined the guard," Janis says with a fond smile. "He was sort of the first person to feel like family after I was disowned."

Cady sits next to her on her bed. "He sounds wonderful. Um... may I ask you something?"

"Um, yes," Janis says anxiously. If she's asking permission, it must be a deep sort of question. "Go ahead."

"Why were you disowned? You've told me it's because your parents couldn't afford you any longer," Cady asks gently. "But I refuse to believe a parent would send their own flesh and blood away with nothing more than one loaf of bread and the clothes on her back if that were the only reason."

Janis leaps up and presses her back against the wall defensively. "I can't tell you the true reason."

"Why not? You don't have to if it makes you uncomfortable, but I would never judge you," Cady says, looking at her sadly.

"It's not safe," Janis says hastily. "I would be... I would lose my position, maybe be exiled. Or worse."

"Is it that bad?" Cady asks, suddenly looking rather afraid of Janis. That's not what Janis wants, but she's desperately afraid to spill her secret. "Please, Jay, what happened to you?"

Janis supposes losing her position wouldn't be terrible. She doesn't want Cady to be scared of her, and maybe Cady can get someone better to guard her. It would help the crush go away, too. She takes a deep breath. "I... I fell in love."

"Oh. Why... why would they send you away for that?" Cady asks in confusion. "Come back, please."

Janis sits by her with a sigh. "I fell in love... with-with a girl. I've never felt anything for men."

"That's awful," Cady says. "Not that you fell in love," she amends hastily. "But you didn't deserve that. You didn't deserve any of that. You were a child."

"It would've happened at some point or another," Janis sighs in response. "They would have noticed I showed no interest in finding a husband. It probably would've been worse as I got older. I could adapt to life on the streets as a child."

Cady suddenly hugs her tightly. "I won't tell anyone else, you don't have to worry. You're staying here."

"But... why?" Janis stutters. "I'm, legally, a criminal, why would you allow me to stay? Aren't you worried I'd... corrupt you, or something?"

"Of course not," Cady chides. "I would never turn you away for something like this. I thought you had killed someone or something. Falling in love with a girl is fine, in my book. And I'm gonna be the Queen soon, my opinions are rather important." Cady decides not to tell Janis about the fact that she feels the same way sometimes. Not quite yet.

Janis chuckles. "Thanks, Cady. You're a good friend."

"You're even better," Cady says back, bumping their shoulders together. "The best first ever friend I could've asked for."

Janis grins at her. "I'm glad. You should rest, you have a long weekend ahead of you."

"Ugh, you're right," Cady groans at the reminder. She had to inform the Prince or Princes who would not be remaining by Sunday. "This is all so complicated."

"You'll figure it out," Janis says, squeezing her shoulders one last time before she stands to head into her own quarters. "Goodnight, Princess."

"Goodnight, Janis," Cady grins back. "Thank you."

Janis just salutes and heads into her room for bed.

—————-

Prince Shane continues to be a thorn in both of their sides. He gets his one on one time with Cady on Saturday, and spends no less than ten minutes complaining about how she had spent the week ignoring him. She hadn't, she had simply decided to give the Princes their allotted two hours with her in the same order they had arrived in. Shane just happened to be last.

Once their activity, a cooking lesson, is underway, Shane demands to know Janis' qualifications. It's clear that he thinks less of her abilities as a guard simply because she's a female. The absolute bastard. He rattles off questions for nearly the whole duration of his time with Cady, not even paying attention to the Princess or attempting to get to know her.

Janis chuckles as Cady adds entirely too much salt to their pie to get back at him, making Shane glare at her. She glares back, raising an eyebrow to dare him to try something.

Janis is tense as a brick wall by the time their pie is baked, waiting for him to taste it. He takes a large bite, while Cady barely gets a forkful. She grins coyly as he splutters at the salty taste.

"What did you do to it? Why is that so vile?" He demands. "You stupid woman, what did you do?"

"Back the fuck off," Janis growls when he grabs Cady's collar, reaching for her weapon. He glares at her, but does release Cady. She looks to Janis in thanks, her eyes wide in fear.

"Well, thank you for this, I had a lovely time," Cady says quietly and insincerely once she takes a deep breath. "If you would follow me to the main hall."

He does, with Janis between them in case he tries something again. He purposefully walks more quickly, bumping into Janis and stepping on her boots. Janis knows she can't stoop to his level, no matter how badly she wants to knock him to the ground and remove his tongue.

"Hello mother, hello father," Cady greets politely. "Mike, would you please gather the rest of the candidates here? I've made my first decisions."

"Right away, Your Highness," Mike says with a bow as he rushes out of the room. Cady goes to sit on her throne by her parents, leaving Shane to wait aimlessly in front of them.

In less than ten minutes, all nine of the other men are next to him, some looking more anxious than others at the prospect of going home. Cady takes a deep breath and stands.

"Hello, gentlemen," Cady greets, making them all finally shut up. "I'm sure you have been told, but I've gathered you here to inform you that I've made my first decision as to who will not be remaining in the competition for my hand."

The King nods approvingly behind her, proud of his daughter.

"The first and, as of yet, only Prince to be leaving us will be Prince Shane," Cady continues, prompting a dismayed gasp from him. "For truly deplorable and despicable behavior. The fact that you are handsome and from the kingdom of one of our best allies does not guarantee you a victory here. You have no right to speak to me, or any woman, for that matter, the way you have spoken to me. I pity your future spouse."

"Cadence!" The Queen chides.

"No, Betsy, let her speak," The King insists.

"As for the rest of you, please enjoy the weekend. You may feel free to explore the town or palace at your will. Our activities will resume on Monday," Cady concludes before she sits down and waves them all away. Shane glares at her and storms out of the room in a huff.

"Cadence, really, that was highly inappropriate," her mother scolds once the four of them are alone. "Whatever were you thinking?"

"He almost assaulted me," Cady says casually. "And called me a 'stupid woman', and was harassing Janis about her position, and demanded I spend more time with him than the other men, and told me to hold my tongue, and told me I should cover up more, and told me he would be under my skirts before too long. I think I was rather polite, actually."

The royals both look startled. "Cadence, why didn't you let us know earlier? We would have removed him right away!"

"It would have reflected poorly on us if I sent any of them away so soon," Cady replies. "The rule was a week. I stuck to it. May I please be excused now?"

"Yes, of course," The King says. The Queen still looks rather upset, but also nods. "Get some rest, dearest."

"I will, goodnight father," Cady says, hugging him gently. She begrudgingly hugs her mother as well after a moment's consideration. "Goodnight mother."

"Goodnight, Cadence."

————-

"God, why are men so dense?" Cady spits as soon as they're alone in her quarters again. Janis bursts out laughing.

"There's a reason I prefer the company of women, Princess," Janis giggles. "I suppose we'll never know."

Cady growls and starts pacing. "He was here to compete for my hand! In marriage! How does he think grabbing me that way and speaking to me so rudely was a good strategy? Of course I won't choose that!"

"I don't know, Princess," Janis says. "Are you alright? You looked frightened when he grabbed you."

"I... I was," Cady says quietly, stopping her movements. "I've never... nobody's ever touched me, that way. I was lucky you were there."

"I always will be," Janis replies gently. "Your father was right, you should get some rest. You have much to recover from."

"I suppose," Cady sighs. "Goodnight, Janis. Thank you."

"Goodnight, Cady. Anytime."

Janis stays up late to polish her things. She's about to turn in when she hears a scream come from Cady's quarters, the end muffled. She grabs her blade and hurries in, looking for her charge.

She finds her, pinned beneath Prince Shane, who has a hand held over her mouth and his pants down. Somehow he didn't hear Janis enter, allowing her to slam into him and knock him off of Cady.

He cries out in surprise as he's shoved to the floor, and again as Janis kicks him between the legs. "What the fuck were you doing to her?"

"That little slut doesn't even deserve me. Figured I'd at least get my chance before I'm done here, show her what she's missing," he snarls. Janis winds up and punches him between the eyes as hard as she can. He screams, "You fucking dyke!"

He punches back, nailing her left eye, and kicks her in the ribs. Janis thinks she hears a pop, and there's a sharp pain in her chest, but she ignores it. She lunges for him, pinning him on his stomach with his arms behind him. He squirms uselessly, she has him held.

The scuffle alerted the other guards, a few barreling into the room and observing their Princess, wide eyed and sobbing with fear on her bed, and Janis straddling a Prince with his pants around his ankles and his arms pinned behind him.

"Sarkisian, what is the meaning of this?" One of the other guards demands.

"This scum," Janis spits. "Tried to assault the Princess. Take him to the dungeons, let them deal with him until he's removed from the premises. And get someone to guard her window, from now on."

"Right away, soldier," he replies, grabbing Shane from the ground roughly and dragging him out the door.

"I was just trying to get what I deserve!" Shane calls as he's led down to the dungeon.

"You're getting it now, asstown. I hope you rot," Janis growls. Once they're alone she rushes over to the Princess. "Are you okay, Cady? Did he do anything?"

Cady shakes her head, but is still crying hysterically. Janis is familiar with the terror in her eyes, she's felt it herself. "H-he-he... wh-why?"

"Because he's a misogynistic piece of shit, Princess. No part of this is your fault," Janis insists. "Can I touch you?"

Cady nods desperately, reaching for her. Janis sits on the edge of her bed, grunting with pain slightly as Cady leaps into her embrace and sobs into her shoulder.

"Shh, he's gone. You're safe, I promise, I won't let anyone hurt you. I'm here, shh," Janis repeats, holding her close and letting her cry. Cady cries for a long time, weeping and whimpering into her shoulder. "Shh, you're okay now, I promise."

"He hit you," Cady sniffles once she's calmed down a bit. "Your eye."

"I'm fine, Princess, I'll deal with it in the morning," Janis says, but winces slightly as Cady brushes the area where he kicked her. Cady holds the hem of her shirt and looks at her, lifting it when Janis gives a begrudging nod.

"Oh, god, Janis," Cady sobs. "What did he do to you?"

"He kicked me, but please, Cady, don't worry. I've been hit harder, I'm fine," Janis replies.

"No, you're not," Cady sniffles. "Lie down, I'll be back in a moment."

"Cady, what-" Janis tries, but Cady pushes her down and runs from the room. She returns a few moments later with tears still pouring from her eyes, holding several bottles and cloths.

She wets one of the small cloths with cool water from the basin by her bed, wringing out the excess and pressing it gently to Janis' eye. Janis winces slightly but accepts it, holding it herself as Cady moves to her torso.

She presses around the already bruising area gently, pulling back abruptly when Janis gasps in pain.

"God, Janis, he broke a rib," She sobs again. "I'm so sorry."

"Princess, please, don't worry. I'll be okay," Janis comforts, stroking Cady's cheek.

Cady pours several of the bottles onto another much larger cloth, brushing it as gently as she can over the bruise before grabbing a dry one and helping Janis to sit upright. She wraps it tenderly around her torso to hold her ribs in place tightly, resting a hand on the uninjured side when she finishes.

"Thank you," Janis says quietly. "Are you okay?"

"No." Cady says bluntly. "I told my parents we shouldn't have done this. Look what happened. You could've been killed if he had a weapon. I was almost raped. I'm not going to be okay for a long time."

"I understand," Janis says, stroking a hand through her hair gently. "I've been there, too. But you're safe now. I've got another guard by your window now, there's no way for anyone to come in unless you want them to. And my injuries will heal, I don't want you worrying about me."

"How do you do it, Jay? How-how do you keep going, after everything?" Cady asks, lying down beside her and cuddling into her side. Janis tenses, if anyone were to walk in this would be difficult to explain.

"I don't know. I am affected by my past, more than I let on. But I just... remember the reasons I have to stick around, I guess," Janis responds as she pulls her closer.

"Like what?"

"Like... Damian. Who else would be his best friend, who else would steal extra pastries from the kitchen with him? Or like Pancakes, who else would take care of him, sneak him apples? Or... like you."

"Me?"

"Yeah. Who else would keep you safe, who else would have tea with you when you're alone, who else would chase you around the gardens? You're so dear to me. I shouldn't say so, I know, but I fear I've gotten rather attached to you," Janis replies. "Sometimes it's just the littlest reason that coaxes me to stay. Like, if I left I would never see the way you fidget with your hair when you read again."

"I do that?" Cady sniffles.

"Yeah. It's cute," Janis replies as she tries to sit up. "You'll find your own reasons to keep going, I promise."

Cady doesn't let her go. "Stay, please. I don't want to be alone tonight. Please?"

Janis looks at her. She can't resist, Cady still looks terrified. "Okay, sure. If you want me to stay."

Cady nods. Janis lies on her good side next to her, and Cady nuzzles into her chest gently. Janis instinctively pulls her closer as Cady tugs her soft blankets up around them.

"I'm cancelling the rest of the event. I'm done," Cady says, muffled by Janis' chest. "We'll throw another one later. My parents will agree, after tonight."

"Sounds like a plan, Princess. We'll let everyone know tomorrow," Janis replies. "Get some sleep, I'll keep you safe."

"Okay. Thank you, Jay," Cady says as she somehow presses closer.

"You're welcome," Janis says back. She waits for Cady's breathing to even out before she kisses her hair gently and whispers, "I love you."

————-

The men are all sent home over the following week, and none of them are allowed to see Cady. She needs time to heal and recover, so she spends most days on her balcony with Janis. Sometimes they play games. Cady teaches Janis how to play chess and Janis teaches Cady how to play cards. Other times they just talk. Janis reveals a bit more about her past, and lends an ear to Cady when she needs to vent.

Almost exactly a month later, Cady's birthday finally arrives. She and Janis have spent most of the month trying to think of something to do that would appease the commonwealth, since most everyone was looking forward to a royal wedding and sorely disappointed that there wasn't going to be one. Cady decided on a trip through the villages. Just her, and almost every guard in the palace.

Her parents approved the idea after several weeks of coaxing, and only because she would be bringing so many guards with her and because they knew the people were unhappy with Cady. The commonwealth hadn't been told the reason all the Princes were sent home, to respect her privacy.

Cady is particularly excited about this trip because she's allowed to leave her carriage, for once. Council appointed soldiers to search and guard vulnerable points at certain stops along their route. Cady would be allowed to stop and greet her people at these points.

"Jay, forgive me if this sounds rude," Cady says the night before they go as she's getting ready for bed.

"Oh goodness," Janis sighs jokingly from her perch on Cady's bed. "What is it?"

"You lived in the villages before you came here. What would... what should I do, when I speak to the people? To show them that I care, and such?" Cady asks gently.

"Oh. That's not rude at all, Princess," Janis says. "I can't speak for every single villager, but I would say just to be yourself. Be kind, try not to judge them. People like when you interact with children, and the poorer the kid is the better, I would say. Just talk to them like people."

"Be kind, talk to children, and treat them like people," Cady repeats. "That was my plan anyway, so I'm glad you think that's what I should do."

"I figured it would be, it's not like you to be haughty or anything," Janis replies. "Just try not to seem too... royal. I wouldn't do anything to remind them that you control the money and things, tomorrow should be happy, they don't need a reminder of that stuff."

"Okay, I can... I think I can do that, anyway," Cady says anxiously.

"You can. Just treat people like you did me when we first met and you'll be fine. The people adore you, nothing will happen," Janis comforts. "When I was out there I heard stories all the time from other kids who had family connected here. All anyone would talk about was how beautiful and smart and kind the Princess is. That hasn't changed."

"They speak about me?" Cady asks shyly. "So kindly? I thought they would hate me."

"Some probably do, but they won't make an effort to come see you if that's the case. Everyone who will be there tomorrow adores you," Janis says with finality. The clock chimes midnight then. "Happy birthday, Princess."

Cady giggles and turns around in her chair. "Thank you, Janis. Where are you going?"

Janis is rooting through her quarters for the gift she's made. With a loud crash, she finds it buried under the mound of things under her bed. She comes back sheepishly holding the piece of canvas to her chest. "Um. Here."

Cady takes it gently and turns it around. She grins widely when she sees it's a landscape painting of the woods on the outskirts of the kingdom, bathed in snow. Janis even included Pancakes in the background. "Oh, Jay, this is beautiful! Did you do this?"

"Yeah. I was hoping it would be done by Yule but I couldn't go out to the woods very often, so it took a while," Janis says shyly.

"I love it, thank you," Cady says happily. "I'll hang it just here, I'll be able to see it every day." She holds it up just above her mirror. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Princess," Janis says, blushing. She didn't think it was that good. "We should rest, you have an exciting day tomorrow."

Cady comes up to hug her tightly. "Goodnight, Janis."

Janis hugs back just as tight. "Goodnight, Cady."

The next morning, Janis is in her uniform and fed bright and early, sitting next to a very eager Cady in the royal carriage. Pancakes has also been given a special duty for the day. He's been trained to pull carts and plows over the last several months, so he gets to be part of the team pulling them along. He looks very dapper in his fancy bridle.

Cady squeals in shock when they set off, but recovers quickly and looks eagerly outside. Janis smiles at seeing how happy she is.

Her excitement only builds when they reach their first stop. The other guards have been walking along beside them to stop anyone rushing the carriage, but they sus out the crowd and eventually part to let Cady approach the people. Janis follows at a close distance, but lets Cady approach on her own.

They have a limited amount of time to spend at each stop, but Cady reaches to shake hands with as many people as she can and even holds short conversations with a few. Everyone is delighted to see her, as Janis predicted.

Each stop is similar, until the last. The guards do their usual check and part for Cady, but almost instantly they're yelling for her to get back. Cady looks around in shock briefly and Janis tenses, but it turns out to just be a stray child that broke past the barrier to see the Princess.

Cady gasps when the small form hits her leg, looking down to see a young girl in a patched dress and her face smudged with dirt. She waves her guards off and crouches down to her level.

"Hello, little one, what's your name?" Cady asks kindly, smiling when the girl stumbles to curtsy.

"My name is Evangeline!" the girl grins happily, showing off her missing teeth.

Cady smiles gently. "That's a lovely name. My name is Cadence. But my friends call me Cady."

"That's pretty too," Evangeline smiles. "Are you really the Princess?"

"I am," Cady chuckles. She points to the castle up at the top of the hill. "I live in the palace up there."

"Wow," Evangeline says in awe. "Your mommy and daddy are the King and Queen?"

"Yes, they are, you're very smart," Cady says. "Speaking of, where are your mommy and daddy? You seem to have broken away."

"They're over there, they wouldn't let me see you," Evangeline points as she pops up on her tippy toes to see. Cady looks and finds two terrified looking adults. "So I ran away."

"Well, I'm glad to speak to you, but you shouldn't run away, Evangeline," Cady says gently. "Come with me, introduce me to them."

She stands and takes the young girl's hand, who skips happily back to her parents. "Mommy, Daddy, this is the Princess! She's so pretty!"

"Your Highness, our deepest apologies, we never thought she would have run off like that," the mother apologizes as they both bow frantically.

"It's quite alright, we had a lovely chat," Cady says happily. "You have a beautiful child. Here you are, Evangeline. You should stay with your family from now on."

"Thank you, Your Highness," the father says. "Evan, give the Princess your gift, you mustn't forget."

"Oh!" Evangeline says suddenly, rooting through her pocket and pulling out a slightly crushed crocus. They're the national flower of Evanston, and Cady's personal favorite. "I picked this for you!"

Cady takes it gently with a quiet gasp. "Thank you, this is beautiful! I'll wear it here." She tucks the flower behind her ear so it pokes out from her hair. "Good?"

Evangeline nods with a grin. Cady crouches down again to hug her goodbye.

"Goodbye, little one, it was lovely to meet you," Cady says, squeezing her tightly.

"Goodbye, Princess," Evangeline says sadly. Cady stands and makes her way back to her guards as the family turns to leave. Cady and Evangeline wave goodbye one last time before the family is out of sight.

"That was precious," Janis chuckles when Cady comes back to her. "And she was lucky I saw she was a child in time, I nearly took her head off."

"Jay!" Cady chides in shock. "Don't you dare. She was lovely, so sweet."

"I'm kidding," Janis groans. "You should speak to more people if you wish, we're running out of time."

"This is the last stop, we can take a little while longer," Cady responds. "Come with me?"

Janis follows after her as she approaches the barrier again, greeting the people waiting there. Some offer small gifts, perfumes and flowers or baked goods. Cady takes them all with a thank you and makes light conversation with as many people as she can.

Gradually, the crowd starts to clear. Janis relaxes ever so slightly now that there's fewer people around them. Until she hears,

"Sic semper tyrannis!"

#cadnis #paint by numbers #space safari #cady heron x janis sarkisian #cady x janis #cady heron #janis sarkisian #damian hubbard #regina george #gretchen wieners #karen smith #aaron samuels #mean girls #mean girls musical #mean girls broadway

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sprnklersplashes · 4 years

Text

heart of stone (10/?)

AO3

Friday finally rolls around again, and Janis is packing up her stuff again and getting ready to go home. Her mom is down the hall with some of the other kid’s moms, probably swapping stories about treatments and comparing the nurses.

As Janis has bonded with the kids on the ward, the parents have done the same; meeting for coffee in the hospital cafeteria or gathering in someone’s empty room to chat. Sometimes it’s about cancer, of course, but their topics have been getting more and more diverse lately. Just days ago Janis walked in on her mom discussing gardening with none other than Maddie’s mom and she’s overheard them talking about the Kardashians over breakfast. And of course, their moms talk about what they were like as little kids, and it’s painfully embarrassing. Janis has joked to Melissa more than once that she’s tempted to request painkillers so she can knock herself out. They also started jokingly referring to themselves as the “cancer moms”, and last night her mom showed Janis the group chat they’d created with the same name. Janis’ jaw had nearly hit the floor and all she said was that she hoped they weren’t planning on getting t-shirts.

Still, she thinks with a smile, at least her mom is making friends here.

She rolls up her sweater and shoves it into her bag, sure it’s wrinkled but it’s going straight into the laundry once she gets in. On Melissa’s advice, she’s started doing most of her laundry at home where she can control when and how it happens (and by that she means she can tell her mom how to do it). Bless the laundry service here, because they really do try, but more often than not her sweaters come back stiff and there’s nothing like pulling her clothes straight out of the dryer at home.

With her clothes in the bag, she gets up from where she was kneeling on the floor, shakes out her stiff legs, and moves over to the bathroom. Her make-up bag sits on the sink, the mascara and tube of lipstick strewn across the shelf along with her hairbrush. Her face is bare today, make-up having slipped her mind again between treatments and appointments and hospital life. She checks it in the mirror, sighing deeply at what she sees. Cady swears up and down she looks the same as she always did whenever they Facetime and her mom hasn’t made any comments, but she can tell there’s a difference now. Those dark shadows have taken up permanent residence under her eyes and sometimes it’s hard for her to tell what’s her face and what’s her sheets. There’s so many changes that no-one seems to notice but her.

Maybe she’s looking too hard, or maybe she just knows what to look for.

With an idea sparking in her mind, she reaches over and grabs the make-up bag. She checks her watch, finding that they still have plenty of time before she’s discharged. And sure she could spend that time continuing to pack, but this is more fun. It’s still productive, just not in the way people would think it. And fine, maybe she just needs it right now. So she unscrews the lid of the foundation and gets to work before she can talk herself out of it.

At least her hands aren’t shaking today. She learned the hard way that no matter how hard you believe you can apply your make-up while your hands are shaking, you can’t.

Even with her steady hands though, she’s not doing much. Kind of because she’s on a schedule and kind of because she’s not seeing anyone important. It’s not like when Cady and Damian are coming over and she spends an hour building the best version of herself for them. She just wants to look like a human, rather than this half-zombie that’s taken her place in the mirror. So she hides the darkness behind foundation and fills out her cheeks, paints over her lips with purple, rings her eyes in black and makes her eyelashes bigger.

She can’t quite pin down the feeling she’s having as she goes along. What she does know that the more she puts on, the better she feels when she looks in the mirror. Yes, she should know better by that, and she does. Kind of. This isn’t the old kind of preteen insecurity. She’s had enough of Cady’s speeches about natural beauty to chase all those fears away. But she’d wager Cady has never been spooked by what she saw in the mirror before, so what would she know?

“Oh my God,” she mutters to herself. She drops the mascara tube back in the bag and zips it shut. “Can you stop being so dramatic?” She looks up at the mirror again, giving herself a smile. There she is. Good old, normal Janis. She lets out a breath and takes the tie out of her hair, letting it fall past one shoulder. She must have forgotten about brushing it as well.

“Easily fixed.”

She runs the brush through her hair, humming under her breath and trying to think of what else she should be packing, checking off the little boxes in her brain and the excitement at going home daring to creep in.

Until she pulls the brush away and feels a lot more come with it.

No she thinks.

She keeps her eyes locked on her reflection’s, willing herself not to look at it. If she doesn’t look, it doesn’t exist. She doesn’t normally like uncertainty, but she’ll gladly take it here if the reality is this. Her hand is frozen in place, her fingers still curled around the brush’s handle. Her other hand grabs the sink. The cold of the metal creeps through her skin and into her veins, travelling through her just like her chemo does.

The stupid freaking chemo. Her IV stands behind her, mocking her even if she’s not using it. If this is what she thinks it is, this is the reason why.

“Okay,” she whispers. She shakes out her hands and wriggles her toes to try to get any feeling back into them. “Okay, come on.” She tries to imagine her friends next to her, giving her advice, but their words fade away before they reach her. Of course they do. She can’t know what they’d say to her about this. She can guess, but she can’t know. Besides, she can barely think when she’s like this, when her brain is shutting down and running away from her she’s being left to fend for herself.

It’s the ticking behind her, the loudest sound in the room, that gets her to calm down. Even when she wants to stop, the world moves on, and her mom is coming back in here any second. Meaning she needs to be herself when she does. So she looks and presses her hand to her mouth to keep from screaming.

Her hair is in the brush. Not a few strands of it, a whole clump of black and blonde hands from her brush. Her hand goes to the spot it had been, amazed that there’s anything left. When her fingers brush against her scalp, a whimper escapes her mouth before she can think to stop it.

Her hair fell out.

Her hair is falling out.

How does she react to this? Has anyone told her how to react? No, of course not, because she hasn’t asked. Denial and blind hope can run deep. If she doesn’t think about it, it doesn’t happen. Only now it has happened, is happening, and she’s heading into it blind whether she wants to or not.

Denial seems to be the most attractive option, so she jumps to it. She rips the clump off the brush, shuddering as it slides between her fingers, and she drops it into the toilet, letting it be flushed down the drain and out to sea. Far out of sight and hopefully, far out of mind.

She looks at the brush for a moment, recoiling away from it like it’s a snake. What she wants to do it throw it away too, just like the clump, and her mom is the only reason she doesn’t. Instead she throws it into her bag, burying it down at the bottom.

“Okay.” She lets out a breath and kneels back on her heels, her hands held out as if she’s reaching for something. Like she can just grab an answer out of thin air. “Come on, you’re smarter than that,” she whispers. There isn’t an answer here, not to this. This happens to cancer patients, all the time. What made her think herself so special she was above it? It’s already happened to some people, like Maddie for example, who runs around in beanies all day. She knew it would happen on that first day in the doctor’s office with the kids on the poster.

She’s going to become a kid on a poster.

She bawks at the idea and her hand instinctively flies to her head. Her fingers cautiously move over the black waves, barely touching anything lest she take any more out.

Breathe she tells herself. In for eight, out for eight. She’s been through this, on both sides of it, and yet this is worse. Like every time before this was a jogging and this is running a marathon. Even as she stumbles towards the finish line, her vision clearing and her brain calming itself enough to think, the tightness in her chest is still there. She wraps one clammy, cold hand around her bedpost and pulls herself up, her other hand shoved into her pocket, and keeps on counting her breaths. When she glances up, she catches sight of herself in the mirror and it’s with relief that she sees how normal she looks. For her, the entire world has shattered around her, but for everyone else, it’s just another day.

She’s so good at faking it that her mom doesn’t notice anything wrong for the next hour as they get ready to go. No one does, not the nurses who do last checks and bid her goodbye for the week, nor the receptionist who checks her and her mom out. Maybe she can fake it long enough until…

She’ll cross that bridge when she comes to it.

“Janis!” Maddie runs across the room towards her, her little beanie tight over her head. Much as Janis tries, and crappy as she feels, it’s almost all she can see on the girl.

“Hey, kid,” she says, clearing her throat. She swallows everything else she’s thinking and holds out her fist for a first pump. “Don’t cause too much trouble while I’m gone, okay?”

“No promises.” She steps closer to her, her chin tilted upwards, and pulls Janis down to her. Excitement gleams in her eyes, but Janis barely notices it; she’s too bust thinking about how few eyelashes she has. That hadn’t even crossed her mind.

Her throat runs dry.

“Hey, I heard that the Make A Wish Foundation came to you,” she whispers.

“Oh, and where did you hear that?”

“From my mom,” she admits sheepishly. “She heard it from your mom.”

“Word sure travels fast in here,” she says flatly.

“Do you know what you’re going to get?” she asks.

“Not yet,” she says. “Haven’t thought about it too much.” She lets Maddie drag her over to the couches and sit her down, the wide eyed look never leaving the kid’s face. “What did you do for yours?”

“Oh, I went to see Frozen on Broadway,” she blurts out, her smile exploding on her little face. “And I got to go backstage and meet the cast. They gave us front row seats as well. It was the best day of my life.”

“Sounds like a lot of fun,” Janis tells her. “My friend Damian, he’s a big musical theatre geek. He really wants to see Frozen.”

“I just really love Frozen,” Maddie says. “And Elsa, obviously.”

“We do love Queen Elsa.” Just then, Janis wonders if she ever used to braid her hair like Elsa. Janis hasn’t, and it hits her that if she wants to, she might have to do it fast.

“Just make sure it’s something you really want,” she advises her. “I stressed so much over it. It ended up being between Frozen and Disneyland.”

“How ever did you manage?” Janis says dryly. She looks up just in time to see her mom waving her over, phone in hand, letting her know her dad is in the parking lot. “I gotta go, kid. See you next week.”

“See you later,” she says. “Oh, by the way, I meant to give you this at movie night, but I forgot.” She reaches into her pocket and hands her a scrap of pink paper folded into a square. Inside, Janis finds the word MaddieThePanda and madisonrichards written in pencils. Embarrassingly, it takes her a second to recognise them, but the first has a drawing of a ghost and the second a doodle of a camera.

“Ah, the socials,” she says. Maddie nods, avoiding her eyes, and Janis pulls her into a light hug before getting up. “I’ll follow you the minute I get home, okay?”

“Awesome!” she squeaks and she scampers off, leaving Janis to join her mom.

“She’s a nice girl,” her mom comments as they ride down the elevator.

“You’re quite pally with her mom,” Janis says. “She’s in the cancer mom squad, right?”

“She is. So what did Maddie give you?”

“Instagram and Snapchat,” she replies, holding the piece of paper between her fingers. Janis’ own Instagram has been fairly barren since this started, despite how much she scrolls through her own feed and watches her friends’ accounts. Even her art account has been empty for a while. Unsurprisingly, she hasn’t felt like posting much. And she’s very much aware of the fact that she might be posting a lot less in the near future.

“Are you okay?” her mom asks.

“Fine.” She readjusts the mask she’s had on all day and falls back on her usual line. “I’m just tired.” The best thing about that line is that technically it’s not a lie.

When she does get home, she sets herself up on the couch, blanket thrown over her and phone in hand. Her dad sits on the chair next to her and a gameshow plays on the TV. This has become some kind of tradition between she and her dad. And Maxie, of course. Despite how much she’s missed her bed, she’s missed her dad more, so she stretches out on the couch with a blanket fresh from the dryer and the two of them catch up. And if (and when) the conversation runs dry, they can shout answers at the TV.

“Alex Kingston,” she says, nodding at the question. British Actors Who Were On Doctor Who. Which really is all of Britain. “Told you that Doctor Who obsession I had in middle school would come in handy.”

“Did you tell me that?” her dad asks. “I cannot remember you telling me that.”

“I did.” Still watching, she opens her phone and taps open Instagram. The little scrap of paper sits on her lap and she types Maddie’s name into the searchbar. She finds her account fairly easily, but she’s in for a shock when she does.

Maddie’s healthy self is on this account. It does look like her, it’s unmistakable, but it still shakes her to see her like that, hanging upside-down from a tree, running across a soccer pitch, dressed up as Elsa at Comic Con. Her suspicion was right; Maddie is blonde. Was.

She checks the date on her last ‘normal’ looking post and finds it was a little over two months. Maddie sitting cross-legged on her trampoline, two of her little school friends on either side. There was a tumour inside her at that moment and no-one even knew. She looks happy, carelessly happy. Blissful, even.

It’s not that she looks like two different people. That was kind of her expectation, but it’s not true. She still looks like herself, and it’s precisely the similarity between them that freaks her out. It’s the way the girl with a long blonde ponytail chasing a soccer ball and the frail little thing who sits on the end her hospital bed are the same person.

Maxie jumps on her lap just as her hand reaches for her own hair. While her dad scolds him and tells him to get off her, she shakes her head, insisting that it’s fine. When she kisses his fluffy little head, it’s a thank you. He licks her face and she takes it as a ‘you’re welcome’.

“Here you go, sweetheart.” Her mom places a grilled cheese on the table next to her and pats her head before heading over to the couch. “Do you need anything else? I can get you a drink if you-”

“I’m fine.” She nods at the end of the couch, where her backpack sits. “There’s water in my bag anyway.” Her mom nods in understanding and settles next to her dad.

“Which team do we want to win?”

“The college students,” Janis answers, taking a bite out of her sandwich. Of all the tastes she misses, her mom’s grilled cheese is up there. At least the chilli flakes she put on it gives it something. “They deserve it.”

“That old bat certainly doesn’t,” her dad grumbles. “She’s been giving her daughter the stink eye since round one.”

“Oh she looks like she would,” her mom jokes. “Hey Jan, did you tell your dad about the Make A Wish people?”

“The Make A Wish people?” her dad echoes, looking over at her. “You didn’t mention that.”

“Well, now you know,” she says casually, tearing her crusts off. Both her parents look to her expectantly, her dad no doubt excited about this. She’d be lying if she weren’t excited herself though. “It’s sort of what it says on the tin. I make a wish and the good people of the Make A Wish Foundation let it come true. Within reason, obviously. I don’t think they can give me a unicorn.”

“They could strap a horn to a little pony’s head,” her dad suggests.

“That’s animal abuse!” she says. “You know how I feel about the animals.”

“But have you thought about what you want?” her mom interrupts. “I mean, there’s no pressure, but any ideas?”

Janis purses her lips and pushes herself into a semi-normal sitting position. She has, although she wouldn’t call it ‘thinking about it’. More like ‘the first thing that came into her head’. But in her defence, it’s a really good one.

“There is one thing,” she says. “One place I’ve sort of always wanted to go but I never thought about asking for it because I knew it would be way too expensive.” Her mouth turns up into a smile before she can stop herself. Her parents eyes are wide as anticipation builds, both their attentions held tightly in her hand. Her next words are less spoken, more of a squeak. “The Kröller-Müller Museum. In the Netherlands.”

“The where now?” her dad asks.

“The Kröller-Müller Museum!” Janis replies, throwing the blanket off her. Just saying it out loud flipped a switch in her and now she’s bouncing on the couch, words tumbling out of her mouth. “It has one of the best collections of Van Gogh paintings! And basically anyone who was anyone in modern art!”

“Oh, there’s the obsession with Van Gogh,” her mom says. “Thought you left that behind in high school.”

“You thought wrong,” Janis tells her. “He’s my man. And also the Netherlands is meant to be like, really beautiful and I really want to go there. But also this art gallery! This art gallery let me tell you about it! It has a whole garden full of sculptures! And it’s not just European art-”

“Okay, Janis,” her mom chuckles. It’s then that Janis realises she actually stood up in her excitement, her phone at the ready, probably to show them everything and explain why exactly they should say yes to this. “If that’s what you want, that’s what we can do.”

“It is?”

“Of course,” her dad says. “It’s your wish. Also I’d love to see the Netherlands. We could make a whole vacation out of it without paying for anything ourselves.”

“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!” she squeals, bouncing up and down on the spot. Any and all dizziness she gets from this will be well worth it. “Oh, could I potentially bring Cady and Damian along with me?”

“If the good people at Make A Wish don’t have an issue with it,” her mom says. “Which I don’t think they will.”

“Oh my god yes!” She punches the air before breaking out into a little happy dance, her feet shuffling on the floor and her arms pumping. “I have to go tell Cady about this. Oh my god!”

Her mom barely has time to ask if she wants help before she picks up her bag and runs upstairs, grilled cheese in her hand. She feels as though this smile is permanently plastered on her face as she imagines her showing Cady around the gallery, telling her all about her favourite pieces, the two of them walking through the sculpture garden.

It’s almost enough to make her forget that this is just a cancer treat.

The five seconds it takes Cady to pick up the phone are torturous, her feet banging against her bed as she waits.

“Hey,” Cady greets, looking adorable with her hair falling around her shoulders and a white sweater engulfing her body. “Someone’s happy. You in your room?”

“Yep,” she answers. “My actual room, not my other room.”

“That’s not confusing,” Cady chuckles. “Wait a second.” She picks up the phone and sits against her wall, balancing her phone on her knees. “Okay, is this angle good?”

“All angles with you are good,” she says, turning onto her stomach so her feet and swing in the air. “Okay, so guess what?”

“Um… what?” she replies.

“You have to guess.”

“Okay, fine,” she says. “Um, they let Maxie come into the hospital with you.”

“Ugh, I wish,” she sighs. “But no. Keep guessing.”

“You… found out whether or not the hot medical student is gay so you can set him up with Damian?”

“Sadly, that’s still a question mark. Come on, one more guess.”

“I hate guessing, just tell me,” she says. “You look like you’re bursting to anyway.”

“You’re right, I am” she says. “So… what would you say to an all-expenses paid trip to Europe?”

“I’d say you’re kidding, right?” she says, raising an eyebrow.

“Nope,” she says proudly. “The Make A Wish Foundation.” Those words make Cady’s mouth fall open in a perfect, precious ‘o’ shape. “Oh yeah baby, they can give us a fancy little European vacation to the Netherlands.”

“Oh my gosh!” Cady says, laughter lining her voice. “Where, when, how, why?”

“The how is Make A Wish,” Janis explains. “The where is the Kröller-Müller Museum in Gelderland.” She definitely didn’t pronounce that properly. “The why is that it’s been my dream vacation since I could form coherent thoughts. And I want my best people with me when I go see it.” Maybe it’s a trick of the camera light, but Janis is sure she can see Cady’s cheeks turn pink.

“You sappy munch,” she tells her.

“Can I take that as ‘you’re in’?” Janis asks.

“You can take it as a ‘frick yes, I’m in’,” she replies between giggles.

“Fabulous. I don’t exactly know when, but that’s okay. We’ll figure it out. I finish in December so maybe we can go for Christmas.”

“Will you be okay to go?” Cady asks.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Just… I was doing research about chemotherapy and cancer stuff,” Cady confesses. Her confession turns Janis’ heart to warm, soft mush.

“And why did you do that?” she asks softly.

“Oh… no reason.” They shrug and pull their sleeves over their hands, their face taking on the kind of softness they reserve just for Janis. “Just thought it might come in handy.” Janis blows a little kiss to the camera. Cady catches it, but quickly turns serious. “And it said that the aftermath tends to be pretty rough.”

“Caddy…” She rolls over onto her side, her cheeks turning a pale pink. “You’re sweet, you know that?”

“Of course I know that.”

“But you don’t need to worry about me,” she tells her. “Once this is all over, I’m going to be completely fine.” Her voice catches a little and she swallows past the lump in her throat. “And once I’m good, you and me can jet off to the Netherlands for our romantic getaway.” A lightbulb goes off in her head. “Oh, maybe I can get them to do it on our anniversary. I mean I’ll be completely fine by then, but it would still be romantic.”

“That sounds awesome,” Cady chuckles. “A little Fault In Our Stars, but awesome.”

“Oh my gosh,” Janis realises before bursting into cackling. “How did I not get that?”

“Because you didn’t read every John Green last year book to prep yourself for real people school,” Cady tells her. “I did.”

“Nerd,” she teases. “Anyways, this is me back for the week if you want to come over and give me a week’s worth of Cady cuddles-” As she talks, she makes the mistake of running her hand through her hair. And behind her head, she feels something come off in her hand.

And just like that, a tidal wave crashes in and washes away everything else, all the comfort she’d received from Cady, all that excitement and giddiness. Gone.

“Janis?” Cady asks, a frown creasing her face. “You okay?”

“Um, yeah, fine,” she says quickly. “Uh… I’m actually going to sign off now. I’m pretty tired and I need to get some stuff sorted out. I’ll text you tomorrow okay?”

“Sure.” Cady twirls her necklace around her finger. “Um, feel better soon, okay?”

“Yeah. I will. I’ll see you later, Caddy.”

If Cady was going to say anything else, she doesn’t get the chance. Janis hangs up the call and shoves her phone under her pillow, just in case. She presses her hand to her chest, her heart beating wildly against it.

“Oh God.”

She pushes herself up, only to find more of her hair sitting on her bed. There has to be more than what came off in the hospital, she thinks as she pushes herself into a kneeling position. Twice as much.

How much is left?

She pushes herself off the bed and half-stumbles, half-runs to the mirror. Thankfully, she still looks normal at the front, but not at the back. There’s a patch at the back and if she can see it, anyone can. Anyone meaning her parents. It’s small enough for her to be able to cover it by pulling her hair into a ponytail, but that won’t last forever.

She sinks down on the bed, her nails digging into the covers and her head spinning. She can’t stop this and she won’t be able to hide it for that much longer either. This is her new reality.

As insane as it sounds, she feels like she’s losing a part of herself. Not even in the way most people like her probably think. Her hair is a symbol of the battle she fought with Regina. The half-blonde shows that Regina didn’t win. That she did, that she came out of it as herself, not as a clone of Regina. She can still remember standing in her bathroom cutting most of her hair off. Still remember the thrill she felt when the first hints of black started making their appearance. To lose this feels like she’s losing that victory.

She lays down on her bed and stares up at the ceiling, tears burning in her eyes until tiredness creeps in and she finally falls asleep.

******

Her parents pick up on her mood, even if they don’t know what it’s about, which is the very last thing she wants. She should be trying harder, but she doesn’t have much energy to play pretend. She loves her parents, but right now she wishes they would be assholes and not care about her.

“You feeling okay, Jan?” her mom asks as she comes up behind her.

“Just tired,” she mumbles. Maxie whimpers and rubs his head against her leg, demanding pets. She obliges, partly to make herself feel better. If her dog can’t fix her mood, this truly is the end of her. Her mom nods, not moving from where she stands and watching Janis pretend watch daytime TV.

“Mom?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you want something?”

It was a low blow, Janis knew that the second she said it, sort of even before it, and her mom’s wounded face is the price she pays for it. For a split second, Janis thinks (slash hopes) that she’ll tell her off about her attitude, instead she just shrugs.

“No. Just making coffee, you want some?”

“I’m okay.” She pauses for a moment and looks up just as her mom is heading away. “Thanks, though.”

It’s not that she hasn’t thought about telling her parents. Logically, she knows that that’s the best thing she could do. They’re going to find out sooner or later and it’s better that they hear it from her than her just coming downstairs in a few days completely bald. Save their feelings, show them she cares and all that. She knows all that and she’s still keeping it from them. Pride, fear and stupidity is a lethal cocktail and she’s downed at least three since yesterday.

She guesses she dozed off because she blinks and it’s a completely new show. According to her phone, it’s half an hour later. The TV was put on mute at some point and her phone placed on the coffee table. She stretches her limbs out on the couch, her stomach growling, and she guesses it’s time to head to the kitchen and eat her first meal of the day.

“Oh, morning,” her dad teases. She throws him a peace sign and heads over to the cupboard.

“Do we have peanut butter left?” she asks. “I want a PG&J.”

“I got a new one, it’s in the front,” her mom says. “The jelly’s in there too.” She has to stretch to get it, even with her being taller than average. She almost doesn’t notice her mom approaching until it’s too late and all she can do is hope she tied her hair back enough to hide her little patch well enough. “Sweetie why don’t you let me do that?”

“Mom, I’m nearly 18,” she reminds her. She snorts, although it feels empty and more sarcastic than earnest. “I can do this myself.”

“I know,” she says gently. “I just don’t want you to… I’m making something for myself anyway, you just woke up.”

Janis in a deep breath. It’s well intentioned, of course, but it pisses her off.

“It’s okay Mom,” she says. “I’ve got this.” She screws open the peanut butter and spreads more than enough on one slice, just to make her point. Her grip on the knife turns her knuckles white.

“Really, sweetheart.” Her mom puts her hand on her shoulder and even though her touch is as gentle as can be, Janis bites back a scream. “You go sit down; I don’t want you stressing yourself.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake mom!” The knife clatters to the counter and she whips around to face her mother. “I’m not an invalid, I’m not a child, and I can make my own freaking sandwich!”

Her mom looks like she shot her. She may as well have. She backs away from Janis, her mouth opening and closing noiselessly, her eyes torn between anger and concern. When she looks to her dad for help, there’s nothing he can do.

“I’m sorry,” Janis says after what feels like forever. She wraps her arms around herself, her eyes meeting her mom’s. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s okay.” Her tone implies it’s anything but. “It’s all right.”

Janis only shakes her head, her throat too tight to say anything. Her mom takes a careful step towards her, then another. She’s never been handled with this much care before. Not even in the aftermath of Regina, when she was at her lowest, did she feel this breakable.

“You make your sandwich, kid,” her mom says quietly, her hand on her shoulder. Janis flinches away from her touch, mindful of her hair. Her mom takes the hint and she watches as disappointment flickers across her face.

“Sorry,” she whispers again. Her voice is so quiet that it’s as though she didn’t say anything. Maybe she didn’t.

When she looks over at the sandwich on the counter, her once-empty stomach feels too full and a shiver runs down her back.

“I’m not hungry,” she mumbles.

She stumbles into her room and leans on the chair, not even having the energy to close the door fully. Her parents know to give her her space anyway. They’re good like that, always are, and look how she repaid them.

She doesn’t care about being an asshole in school, to the people who deserve it, but she crossed a line here. The worst part is that she can’t really apologise because her parents are giving her the special treatment. Regardless of whether or not she deserves it, she doesn’t want it.

She rakes her hand through her hair, the habit still in her body even if she should know better, and of course another clump of hair comes off in her hand. That’s the second time today, the first being what came off in her hairbrush this morning. She’s being pushed further away from normal with every minute.

She holds it in front of her and looks at it, looks at the black and blonde clump just sitting there. Lifeless. Dull. Curling at the edges and poking out from between her fingers.

And suddenly she’s not upset or self-pitying any more.

She’s pissed.

She’s pissed as hell.

She shoves the door closed and squeezes the hair in her hand. It’s this illness, and that freaking medicine that’s making her feel this way. Making her tired and angry all the time, why her parents are giving her free passes. Making her miss out on her senior year and now taking her hair away from her too. Taking every facet of her life until she’s left with dust, and all against her will. How dare it, she thinks. How dare this disease come in and wreck her life like this. Make her feel so helpless and fragile. Who gave it that right?

She squeezes the clump in her hand as hot tears roll her face and into her open mouth. Her breathing is ragged and uneven; she gasps and chokes on sobs, even more so when another clump falls out.

Then an idea starts to piece together in her mind. It sounds insane, until she realises she was going to have to do it sooner or later. And that it was recommended in one of the leaflets she was given near the beginning. It scares her, but at the same time, it gives her some sort of satisfaction. Like doing it lets her win in some way. She lets the idea of that satisfaction pull her down the hallway, one ear listening out for her parents, and slips into the bathroom. There she finds her dad’s electric razor sitting on a shelf and she slides it into her pocket.

She remembers when she was 12 and her dad found her in this bathroom after cutting most of her hair off. He hid his surprise well. He might not be able to do that this time.

She locks her bedroom door and closes the curtains as well. Victory or no, she wants this done in private. She positions her mirror on the desk, enough to get her entire head in.

She looks at herself for a long moment, razor in her hand. This is the last time she’ll look like this for a long, long time. Her cancer has been hidden from passing eyes until now. Now she’ll just have it written on her forehead in invisible ink. The sad, pitiful eyes and sympathetic sighs won’t just be from her parents or peers now, but from everyone who sees her.

But it’s either this or it falls out on its own. Her fate it, quite literally, in her own hands.

So she takes a deep breath, turns the razor on, and runs it through the middle of her head.

It’s not as easy as people make it look. And by people, she means people on TV and in movies. The razor gets stuck on more than one occasion and it takes two or three tries on some places to get it fully off. Not to mention her hair getting caught in her bra or falling down the front of her shirt. But she powers through it and keeps going until there’s nothing left of it.

There’s nothing left.

Her first thought is that as far as impulse decisions go; this one takes the cake.

Her second thought is “oh my fucking god I’m bald!”. She’s well and truly bald. The realisation slams into her and she stumbles forwards, barely managing to grab the chair to steady herself. She can’t even decide if she regrets it not, if that one victory she claimed in doing it herself was worth it, because all she is thinking is “I am fucking bald”. She doesn’t look like herself. She looks like a kid. Or a cancer patient.

Her next conversation with her friends will be all about this. And she’s almost certain she can’t handle that.

Unless….

Her second crazy idea of the day springs to mind. Granted, it’s not as drastic as shaving her whole head, but it’s still a jump. A big one. But it’ll give her back something she’s been missing for a while, power. Power to tell her own story, to make people look and see her, not cancer.

She opens her phone and gets up her camera, snapping selfies like it’s any other day. One with a peace sign up, one with her tongue sticking out, one laying in her bed, one in front of the mirror. She lines them all up on Instagram and opens the caption.

‘Hello friends. Tis I, Janis Sarkisian. Yes, I got a haircut. A bit more than a haircut. You all probably know by now that I have cancer. And you probably understand that people with cancer lose their hair. Yep, that’s what happened here folks. Please feel free to look at these pictures as long as you like in order to get used to it. I mean it. It’ll save all the awkward staring irl. I’ll do the same.’

Her thumbs dance over the keypad as she bites down on her lip, choosing words with just as much care as she would in her college essay. Maybe more.

‘I’m still me. Just without hair. See you guys when I see you. Please restrict your comments to only talking about how good looking I am and how my girlfriend is lucky to have me. Thank you for your time.’

She hits ‘post’ immediately, only to immediately regret it once she does. She drops down to the floor and holds her phone to her chest, back against the wall, left with no option but to wait for the next event to happen.

#cadnis ff #cadnis #mean girls broadway #mean girls fanfic #janis sarkisian #mean girls musical #fic: heart of stone

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hauntedblonde · 4 years

Note

2, 7, 11 ,16 (for all your babes!)

a song I associate with my muse’s past

cissy | sit still, look pretty by daya

I know the other girlies wanna wear expensive things like diamond rings but I don't wanna be the puppet that you're playing on a string this queen don't need a king

dorcas | head full of doubt/road full of promise by the avett brothers

there was a dream and one day I could see it like a bird in a cage I broke in and demanded that somebody free it and there was a kid with a head full of doubt so I'll scream 'til I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out

tig | something wild by lindsey stirling, andrew mcmahon

you've got a big heart the way you see the world it got you this far you might have some bruises and a few of scars but you know you're gonna be okay

sera | bubblegum bitch by marina

got a figure like a pin-up, got a figure like a doll don't care if you think I'm dumb, I don't care at all candy bear, sweetie pie, wanna be adored I'm the girl you'd die for

molly | girl next door by alessia cara

never have I ever met someone who worries like I do that's nothing new, yeah and I don't really like to get dressed up what's it to you? I know what I can do and I'm not Bowie, Prince or Queen but at least I do what I dream

a song that my muse always sings along to

cissy | georgia by vance joy

I never should have told you I never should have let you see inside don't want it troubling in your mind won't you let it be

dorcas | have you ever seen the rain by creedence clearwater revival

yesterday, and days before sun is cold and rain is hard I know, been that way for all my time 'til forever, on it goes through the circle, fast and slow I know, it can't stop, I wonder I want to know, have you ever seen the rain?

tig | no rain by blind melon

and I don't understand why I sleep all day and I start to complain that there's no rain and all I can do is read a book to stay awake and it rips my life away but it's a great escape

sera | IMNOTYOURBOYFRIENDBABY by 3OH!3

you know I rep' this shit, I gots it tatted on my skin, if you fuckin' with my city, then you fuckin' with my kin, you know I rep' this shit, I got my hands up on your chest, motherfuckers best believe it, that you're fuckin' with the best

molly | me and bobby mcgee by janis joplin

freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose nothin', don't mean nothin' hon' if it ain't free, no no and, feelin' good was easy, Lord, when he sang the blues you know, feelin' good was good enough for me good enough for me and my Bobby McGee

a song that reminds my muse of their family

cissy | everything I wanted by billie eilish

I tried to scream but my head was underwater they called me weak like I'm not just somebody's daughter coulda been a nightmare but it felt like they were right there and it feels like yesterday was a year ago but I don't wanna let anybody know 'cause everybody wants something from me now and I don't wanna let 'em down

dorcas | under pressure by queen and david bowie

pressure pushing down on me pressing down on you, no man ask for under pressure that burns a building down splits a family in two puts people on streets

tig | cruel by dropkick murphys

they were cruel, they were ignorant they were beauty, they were kind they were patience, they were virtue they were crazy, they were mine

sera | I’m sorry by tom macdonald

y'all don't comprehend I'm often on the mend I'm depressed a lot, I've wrecked a lot of people who were friends I've been anxious, I've had breakdowns that were all inside my head I regret a lot of things now I won't stop 'til I'm avenged knock knock, who's there? y'all fucked around and let death in

molly | orange sky by alexi murdoch

when I am alone when I've thrown off the weight of this crazy stone when I've lost all care for the things I own that's when I miss you, that's when I miss you, that's when I miss you you who are my home

a song that my muse can’t stand

cissy | wouldn’t it be nice by the beach boys

wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up in the morning when the day is new? and after having spent the day together hold each other close the whole night through?

dorcas | dancing queen by abba

you come to look for a king anybody could be that guy night is young and the music's high with a bit of rock music everything is fine you're in the mood for a dance and when you get the chance

tig | yellow submarine by the beatles

so we sailed up to the sun 'til we found the sea of green and we lived beneath the waves in our yellow submarine

sera | I got you babe by sonny and cher

I got flowers in the spring I got you to wear my ring and when I'm sad, you're a clown and if I get scared, you're always around

molly | stand by your man by tammy wynette

but if you love him you'll forgive him, even though he's hard to understand and if you love him oh be proud of him, 'cause after all he's just a man

#;asks #;answered #;dorcas #;tig #;sera #;molly #;playlists #;long post sorrryyyy #bataillexroyale

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rainywritingsx · 5 years

Text

Torn • BNHA X OC • Chapter 4

Whoop I’m finally back with an update! My apologies for it taking so long, school has been a real pain in the butt but I’m finally here! I hope you enjoy the chapter, and if you do feel free to leave a like ^_^ If you have any feedback, please let me know. I think that’s it? Have fun reading!

Xxx rainbow

Words: 2575

Warnings: none

Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

Description: Janie Kotu is an 16 year old girl who’s the daughter of the two greatest villains in the world. As the eldest child, she’s expected to follow their footsteps once her parents decide to retire. Janie, however, does not want to be involved with that whole world at all. She wants to become a hero and save people instead of scaring and hurting them. Before she knows it, she’s leading a double life, doing her best to keep it a secret for as long as possible. But how long will that last? And what if there’s a certain group of villains that wants her to join. What if she falls in love with a villain?

A soft smile appeared on my face as I looked myself up and down on the mirror. I didn’t think I was pretty or anything, I just really liked the clothes I was wearing. It seemed like a normal tracksuit but the fact that I could wear this at the entrance exam made me so happy. At my school we even had uniforms for entrance exams, which was a bit too much if you’d ask me.

Okay, I could do this. I was going to tell my parents that I was headed to the gym with some people from school and when I got back I’d just say it wasn’t really my thing and I decided not to go anymore. That sounded alright didn’t it? I just hoped I could pull it off..

As for the theoretical part, I did as much research as I could and I made sure to put as much time in this as I could. I hoped it would be okay...

I was so glad that nobody would recognise me as villains kept the identities of their children hidden as much as they could and since my parents were the top villains... that was taken to an extreme. I guess it was the one good thing about being their child.

I grabbed my phone to check the time and gasped when I saw that it was 8:10am already. The exam would start at 8:30am! I could get at UA in 10 minutes if I took the underground and once I got there I’d have to make sure my presence was noted down and then I had to find the exam hall where it would be taken... gosh I didn’t even have time to think, I had to go now.

I quickly ran out of my room down the stairs and put on some training shoes.

“Where are you going, dear?” Mother asked. I internally sighed but managed to plaster a smile on my face as I answered her.

“I’m going to the gym to train for a bit!”

“Oh, that’s great!” Mother responded excitedly. “Good luck sweetie, you can bring your friends over afterwards if you’d like!” I yelled out a ‘thanks’ before leaving and closing the door behind me. I checked my phone. 8:12am... I had to be quick.

I almost jumped down the stairs to the underground and luckily it wasn’t that crowded. No one could get hurt in my big rush.

Or so I thought..

An “oof” sound escaped my mouth as I bumped into someone and fell to the ground, my bag falling as well and pens and pencils falling out of it. I gasped and quickly gathered my stuff, still on the ground.

“In a rush, huh?” A strange voice spoke, making me look up. It was someone, who I assumed was a guy and he was wearing a big black hoodie along with some ripped black jeans. Half of his face was covered with a mask, only his eyes being visible for me. They were... endearing for some strange reason.

His eyes were a bright turquoise that stared right into my soul, but strangely enough I didn’t feel intimidated at all. I actually felt like his eyes were comforting in a way... they were half open so i was sure that helped, hehe..

“The underground towards the UA district has arrived at lane 4B.” I gasped and shook my head as I was brought out of my thoughts. I was so so late!!

“Ah, my apologies! I really have to go, I’m super super late right now! Uhm, have a nice day!” I quickly spoke as I put the last pens in my bag before running into the metro. I had made it...

“I made it!” I accidentally said out loud as I brought my fist up in the air. I quickly put it down when I realised other people were here too. That was embarrassing... but I made it!

As soon as the metro stopped at my stop I ran out and sprinted towards UA. Sadly, I didn’t have time to examine the building again. I’d do that after the exam...

My eyes widened when I saw a UA teacher who was about to close the gate.

“S-sir Wait please!” I said loudly as I waved my hand in the air, hoping he would see me. And thank goodness, he really did. I stopped at a desk that was outside where another teacher was standing, finally able to actually catch my breath.

“I did it...” I gasped as I leaned my hands on my kneecaps.

“A pro is never late on important occasions.” A deep voice spoke making me regain my posture quickly. It was a UA teacher whom I knew was Eraserhead. His eyes were, despite his ‘lazy’ attitude, practically staring into my soul and it was making me incredibly nervous if I were honest. I gulped and quickly bowed.

“My apologies sir! I promise it won’t happen again!” I said as I squeezed my eyes shut.

“Get up quickly or you’ll be late. Give me your name.” He spoke monotonously, completely ignoring my apology. I awkwardly got back up, not daring to look at him anymore. What a great first impression.. he was going to think I was some lousy brat who just wanted to become famous.

“Kotu Janie..” I spoke and bit my lip nervously as I heard him scribbling down some things.

“Alright. Inside you will see signs leading to you the exam hall. Don’t fail.” I held back a laugh at the last remark. What a great pep talk... I politely thanked him before leaving, and I could’ve sworn I heard him mutter things about teenagers these days never being puntual.

But I didn’t have time to think about the intimidating teacher, I had to get to the exam hall quickly! This building was so big.. if it weren’t for those signs, I’d most likely had gone lost already. Regardless of the size, it was a very pretty building. Oh wait.. exam!!

“Is Kotu Janie present?” I could hear a female voice speak, making me run even faster. I almost slammed open the door, panting heavily as I raised my hand.

“P-present!” I let out as I looked at the teacher, who I immediately knew was Midnight. She was such a cool hero but her outfits were sometimes over the top in my opinion..

“Okay, you can sit over there miss Kotu.” She said as she pointed at an empty spot with her pen. I nodded and quickly looked down.

“M-My apologies for being late and barging in like that..” after saying that I heard a few suppressed giggles and soft whispers, making me feel even more embarrassed. At first I just thought it was because I was late, but then I realised they were all wearing normal clothing and here I was, in my tracksuit. This was great... But I wouldn’t see them again anyway, so it was totally fine.

I sat down and quickly took out my pens and pencils and other necessities. I could do this... I could do this...

“Okay, students. You may start now!” Midnight said before everyone quickly opened the first page of the exam, me doing the same. I quickly looked over the question and internally screamed. 100 exercises... some consisted of multiple questions.. this was great, totally great.

Wait Janie, it wasn’t like you were planning to here anyway. If I failed it would be no big deal. But still, doing my best was fun. Let’s do this, I thought to myself before reading the first question.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••

“Everyone, put your pens down!” I sighed as I dropped my pen on the desk after writing the last answer, leaning back on my chair. That was a lot... but I managed to finish it, thank goodness. I looked around and noticed people excitedly whispering to each other about the exam. So many did this with their friends... I wish I could do that. Not like I had any friends, hehe..

“You may all go to the cafeteria now. You’ll have a break of about 45 minutes before the practical exam will start. Details about where you need to be and such are written on a big board in the cafeteria. Next to the cafeteria you will also find two dressing rooms where you can change for the exam. Good luck everyone!” Midnight said before she opened the door.

A place to change... of course they had it, why hadn’t I thought of that while I was getting ready? Now I was going to walk around like this all day. Ah, well I had 45 minutes until the practical exam so if we survived that I’d be totally fine.

I followed the crowd, hoping they knew were they were going unlike me, who was blindly going along with these people. And luckily that was indeed the case. I heard gasps as people entered the cafeteria, looking around and even seeing a few students and heroes. Most students had class right now, but a few were cancelled, hence the fact that a few students were present here.

I quietly sat down near an empty table and grabbed my lunch from my bag. I was surprised at the fact that I felt good right now. Eating on my own was a regular thing for me but UA’s air just seemed to make me feel not lonely at all. I wasn’t sure if it was because of the fact that these were all students who hadn’t gotten in or maybe it was just because the school like this. Either way I loved it.

“Hey Kotu!” A familiar voice said, making me look up. Who could it be? I turned my head to where the noise came from and my heart immediately felt at ease when I saw it was Uraraka. I smiled politely and waved at her before wanting to turn back to my meal. I noticed she was with her friends, so I thought it was best to leave her alone and not come along. That was until she spoke up again.

“Come sit with us!” I blushed when I realised people were looking at me, mostly fellow students who were here for the entrance exam. Not daring to look at all of their piercing gazes, I walked over to Uraraka, who was patting the spot next to her as a sign for me to sit down. I smiled softly and thanked her before I sat down.

“Guys, this is Kotu! Iida and I met here when we were helping at UA two weeks ago. Kotu, these are our friends, Deku, Todoroki and Tsuyu! Bakugou and those other guys you saw last time are over there,” She pointed at another table where they were sitting. A blond haired guy an another guy with black hair seemed to annoy Bakugou quite a lot because he seemed to be yelling at them...

“No need to be so formal” I giggled nervously. “Just call me by my first name, Janie.”

“So, how did your exam go?” She asked excitedly as she leaned her hand on her chin, making sure not to touch it with all of her fingers. Her pinky finger was lifted, which looked quite cute really.. it must’ve been something about her quirk. If I remembered it right she could make things float... Wait she asked me something, why hadn’t I answered yet?

“It went alright, though I was almost late hehe..” I chuckled nervously. “But we aren’t done yet. After lunch we’re doing the practical exam.” She nodded as I spke.

“Uraraka told me about what you did at the cantine.” Midoriya began, making me look down shyly. She really told peoooe about that? “That’s really cool! How does your quirk work? Can you control al fluids that exist or just some? What about ice or clouds, could you make those things into-“ he just kept on muttering making me sweatdrop.

“Sorry, he tends to mumble a lot.” Uraraka giggled making me nod.

“I see. It’s totally fine though, I get it.” I smiled softly.

“Midoriya! Don’t overwhelm a potential new student like this!” Iida said as he moved his hands, making his expressions a lot more extravagant. “She needs to stay focused on the exam that UA prepared for them. It’s probably going to be incredibly difficult and you’re being a distraction!” Midoriya stopped muttering and blushed when he realised it.

“Sorry..” he mumbled awkwardly as he looked away, causing me to laugh softly.

“It’s fine, trust me. I get it. I can answer your questions after the exam.”

“I’m pretty sure we will be in class when you’re done, though.” A girl, whose name I thought was Tsuyu, said. A small pout appeared on my face.

“Well, maybe we will cross paths again sometime. My quirk isn’t that interesting anyways.” I chuckled softly.

“But maybe you’ll get in!” Uraraka said, attempting to encourage me. Gosh, this girl was so sweet..

“Realistically speaking, if 200 people participate in this exam and 50 people are let in, chances of you pas-“

“There’s no need for those details, Iida. I’m sure she’s aware.” A guy, whose hair was half red and half white said. He had a burn scar on his left side and that’s when I realised this was Endeavor’s son... I wouldn’t consider myself a fan of him but I’d be lying if I said the things he did weren’t impressive at all.

I sent him a small smile and nodded. “I appreciate you trying to help though, Iida.” I said politely, knowing he didn’t have any bad intentions.

Time quickly passed with the 1-A students and before I knew it, the practical exam was announced through the intercom.

“This message is for all the participants of the UA entrance exam. Please get ready now, the practical exam will start in ten minutes.” I gasped and jumped up. I didn’t even know where I had to go! Ten minutes seemed like a lot, but I hadn’t been able to explore this building very well so the chances of me getting lost were high.

“I’m sorry, I should go. It was nice talking to all of you!” I said before bowing to everyone politely.

“Good luck with the exam!” Uraraka said cheerfully. “I know you can do it!” She said as she raised her fist in the air before everyone else started wishing me luck too. I smiled the widest and most genuine smile I’ve had in a while and thanked everyone before leaving to see where I had to go on the board.

The exam was taken in the same place by everyone, but we had to do roll calls first and for that we had to go to different teachers. I couldn’t help but smile when I saw I had to go to Present Mic. His energetic attitude was something I always loved and he could make people hyped up really easily.

I sighed in relief when I realised pieces of paper with directions were hung up, with arrows and the names of the teachers above them.

I took one step and that’s when I realised my legs were shaking. I had never been this nervous in my entire life..

I took a deep breath and slowly breathed out. Stay calm, Janie, I told myself as I continued walking. Here we go...

#boku no hero academia #my hero academia #bnha x oc #bnha fanfiction #mha x oc #mha fanfiction #bnha oc #bnha fic #mha fic #bnha #mha #midoriya izuku #todoroki shouto #uraraka ochaco #iida tenya

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petrichara · 5 years

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My favourite book recommendations!

These books have all impacted me for a certain reason, each in a different way. I cannot recommend them enough.

1- ‘Falling Into Place’ by Amy Zhang

Blurb:

‘One cold fall day, high school junior Liz Emerson steers her car into a tree. This haunting and heartbreaking story is told by a surprising and unexpected narrator and unfolds in nonlinear flashbacks even as Liz's friends, foes, and family gather at the hospital and Liz clings to life.’

Why this impacted me:

I cried. I cried for Liz, for myself, for everyone in the world. I cried and I cried and I cried. It’s such an unusual book- it’s written in a non-linear style, and told by a narrator with an unknown identity. For so long I refused to tell anyone about this book because it was ‘mine’, but it really is beautiful. The prose is stunning, the plot is incredible, and it definitely gives you a new perspective. It does deal with many sensitive topics so a content warning is in place, and it’s a mature book, but it’s done well. It gave me hope, and it has stuck with me for that reason ever since.

Quote that stayed:

‘I watched her carve her mistakes in stone, and they arranged themselves around her. They became a maze with walls that reached the sky. Because she learned from so few of them, she was lost. Because she didn’t have faith in anything, she didn’t try to find a way out. I watched her try to face her fears alone, too proud to ask for help, too stubborn to admit she was afraid, too small to fight them, too tired to fly away.’

2- ‘We Were Liars’ by E. Lockhart

Blurb:

‘We are the Liars.

We are beautiful, privileged and live a life of carefree luxury.

We are cracked and broken.

A story of love and romance.

A tale of tragedy.

Which are lies?

Which is truth?’

Why this impacted me:

The goddam plot twist. I got to the last page, in tears, and had to go right back to the beginning and read it again. Beautifully written with an incredible, awakening plot with such an amazing message. ‘We Were Liars focuses on the theme of self-acceptance, family morals, and the possibly-deadly consequences of one's mistakes.’ The prose is exquisitely written and absolutely gorgeous- almost poetry. I love all of the main characters; they’re multidimensional, real, flawed and loveable. Easy to emphasise with and love. Just such a well-written book that I come back to time and time again.

Quote that stayed with me (one of dozens):

‘Now, he was free to go forth and make a name for himself in the wide, wide world.

And maybe,

just maybe,

he'd come back one day,

and burn that

fucking

palace

to the ground.’

3- ‘The sky is everywhere’ by Jandy Nelson

Blurb:

‘Beautiful, funny and heartfelt, The Sky Is Everywhere is about love and forgiveness. Seventeen-year-old Lennie Walker spends her time tucked safely and happily in the shadow of her fiery older sister, Bailey. But when Bailey dies abruptly, Lennie is catapulted to centre stage of her own life – and suddenly finds herself struggling to balance two boys. One boy takes Lennie out of her sorrow; the other comforts her in it. But the two can't collide without Lennie's world exploding...’

Why this impacted me:

It understood how I was feeling. The walls of Lennie’s life collapsed around her when her sister died, and she perfectly describes what it is like to be lying in the wreckage of the destruction of a life. So how do you rebuild yourself? This book describes it accurately. The poetry this book contains is also just remarkably astonishing. It grounded me when I felt like I was going to float off and join Icarus as he floated to the sun.

Quote that stayed:

‘How will I survive this missing? How do others do it? People die all the time. Every day. Every hour. There are families all over the world staring at beds that are no longer slept in, shoes that are no longer worn. Families that no longer have to buy a particular cereal, a kind of shampoo. There are people everywhere standing in line at the movies, buying curtains, walking dogs, while inside, their hearts are ripping to shreds. For years. For their whole lives. I don't believe time heals. I don't want it to. If I heal, doesn't that mean I've accepted the world without her?’

4- ‘Love Letters To The Dead’ by Ava Dellaira

Blurb:

‘It begins as an assignment for English class: write a letter to a dead person - any dead person. Laurel chooses Kurt Cobain - he died young, and so did Laurel's sister May - so maybe he'll understand a bit of what Laurel is going through. Soon Laurel is writing letters to lots of dead people - Janis Joplin, Heath Ledger, River Phoenix, Amelia Earhart... it's like she can't stop. (..) But much as Laurel might find writing the letters cathartic, she can't keep real life out forever. The ghosts of her past won't be contained between the lines of a page, and she will have to come to terms with growing up, the agony of losing a beloved sister, and the realisation that only you can shape your destiny.’

Why this impacted me:

It made me feel something. Yes, I cried. And yes, it had me staring at a wall for over an hour after reading it because I was feeling too much. It’s very real about the struggles of grief, homophobia, growing up, loss, and finding who you are after your world is destroyed. It’s just very real. That’s all I need to say, it’s real. And I think everyone who is dealing with personal demons will relate to the story this book wonderfully told. (Again, content warning is needed.)

Quote that stayed:

‘What I told you about saving people isn't true. You might think it is, because you might want someone else to save you, or you might want to save someone so badly. But no one else can save you, not really. Not from yourself. [...] You fall asleep in the foothills, and the wolf comes down from the mountains. And you hope someone will wake you up. Or chase it off. Or shoot it dead. But when you realize that the wolf is inside you, that's when you know. You can't run from it. And no one who loves you can kill the wolf, because it's part of you. They see your face on it. And they won't fire the shot.’

5- ‘Shatter Me’ by Tahereh Mafi

Blurb:

‘I have a curse

I have a gift,

I am a monster

I'm more than human,

My touch is lethal

My touch is power,

I am their weapon

I will fight back.

Juliette hasn’t touched anyone in exactly 264 days.’

Why this impacted me:

Guys. This is my favourite book series of all time. I have cried just talking about it because I love it so much. The prose? The plot? The characters? The dialogue? The description? The twists? The message? The diversity? The representation? Absolute perfection. My OTP is in this series. My whole life is this series let’s be honest. It’s such a refreshing read. A dystopian series and the best dystopian series I’ve read. Read it. Read it. Read it.

Quotes that stuck with me (three of too many to count because I can’t choose just one):

‘The truth is a painful reminder of why I prefer to live among lies.’

‘His smile is laced with dynamite. "Go to sleep"

"Go to hell."

He works his jaw. Walks to the door. "I'm working on it.”’

‘Hope in this world bleeds out of the barrel of a gun.’

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moderncolors · 5 years

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The Ultimate List of Alternative Baby Names { bohemian, hippie, offbeat, fantasy, goth baby names} So you've got a wee one on the way and you're looking for a name as unique as your new baby is going to be, am I right? Well, check out this great list of offbeat names for I've created just for creative moms and dads-to-be like you. A lot of these names are form lists I made when thinking of names for my two tots and some inspired by my favorite celebrity kid names and some are from the top of my head. Yes, some of these names are "out there" and I've gotten a lot of hateful comments about this post (that's why comments are disabled) but what do you expect from a post called THE ULTIMATE LIST OF ALTERNATIVE BABY NAMES? If you like the names. Awesome! If you don't, that's cool too. To each his own! NOTE: I didn't separate the names by gender as many of these can work for both boys and girls! Last updated 9/28/18 ▲BOHEMIAN & ARTSY▲ Arlo, Allegra, Alto, Ariel, Art, August, Avery, Beau, Bell/Belle, Blue, Burgundy, Cass/ Cassy, Cobalt, Cosette, Cruz, Dali, Dancer, Delia, Delilah, Donatello, Early, Eartha, Flannery, Frida, Golden, Harper, Haven, Hawthorne, Hendrix, Henna, Holden, Holiday, Honor, Hugo, Indigo, Isa, Jazz, Kahlo, Kodak, Langston, Lazareth, Legend, Lennon, Leonardo, Limerick, Lyric, Magenta, Mandala, Mandolin, Marlowe, Merlot, Michelangelo, Monet, Muse, Orlando, Paloma, Pen, Picasso, Piper, Poem, Quinn, Raphael, Red, Rigby, Ringo, Royal, Rufus, Shakespeare, Sonata, Sonnet, Story, Symphony, Tango, Tempo, True/Tru, Truman, Tuesday, Uma, Vellum, Vin/Vino, Xuxa (Shusha),Yoko, Zora amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "mocotw-20"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "manual"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "e98f453f5cf9b08a37caad8372b2923c"; amzn_assoc_design = "in_content"; amzn_assoc_asins = "B07HR5SS5B,B079H2V79B,B07GZPGJYW,B072TY48WK,B00OVJJUFM"; amzn_assoc_title = " "; ▲COSMIC▲ Aries, Callisto, Cassiopeia, Celeste, Celestial, Cloud, Comet, Constellation, Cosmic, Cosmo/Cosmos, Earth, Eclipse, Elara, Jupiter, Libra, Luna/Lunar, Mars, Mercury, Moon, Nebula, Nova, Orion, Pluto, Sirius, Solar, Star, Starbright, Stardust, Starlight, Starshine, Vega, Venus amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "mocotw-20"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "manual"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_asins = "B00XQKJGVA,B07FDXY48N,B01DU228AO,B07J1CF5JW"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "c59c0f86e61a2f79d07a89219045df92"; amzn_assoc_design = "in_content"; ▲DESTINATIONS & TRAVEL▲ Africa, America, Asia, Austin, Brooklyn, China, Cairo, Columbia, Dakota, Dallas, Denver, East, Egypt, England, Everest, Geneva, Georgia, Germany, Holland, India, Ireland, Israel, Jordan, Journey, Kenya, London, Morocco, Nazareth, Nevada, Niagara, North, Paris, Odessa, Orient, Peru, Rome/Roman, Russia, Scotland, South, Traveler, Venice, Vienna, Wander, West, Zion, Zanzibar amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "mocotw-20"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "manual"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_asins = "B01ASVCW6K,B00408AA9O,B07KK5DSYF,B07JH8LKPR"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "c59c0f86e61a2f79d07a89219045df92"; amzn_assoc_design = "in_content"; amzn_assoc_title = " "; ▲FANTASY, MYTHOLOGY & SCI-FI▲ Amidala, Anakin, Apollo, Aragorn, Aries, Arwen, Artemis, Aslan, Athena, Atlas, Avalon, Dalek, Data, Elron, Elvin, Eros, Fairy/Faery, Faramir, Freya, Geordi, Gimli, Gulliver, Hera, Hermione, Isis, Jareth, Járnsaxa, Jean-Luc, Jedi, Lando, Leia, Merry, Odin, Oz, Padme, Pan, Persephone, Philomena, Phoenix, Pippen, Pixie, Samwise, Sisko, Sirius, Solo, Sprite, Sulu, Tardis, Thor, Titan, Trillian, Troy, Venus, Xavier, Zeus amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "mocotw-20"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "manual"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_asins = "B075FC488Z,B071Y215TY,B075K5S2DR,B07CG4P4VJ"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "c59c0f86e61a2f79d07a89219045df92"; amzn_assoc_design = "in_content"; amzn_assoc_title = " "; ▲GOTHIC▲ Alabaster, Armand, Ash, Belladonna, Blade, Blaze, Chalice, Cinder, Crimson, Damien, Dante, Draegan, Draven, Echo, Eclipse, Edge, Ember, Enigma, Essence, Eternity, Flame, Gabriel, Garnet, Gossamer, Gotham, Granite, Grimm, Hamlet, Illusion, Jet, Labyrinth, Lace, Lazarus, Lenore, Lestat, Loki, Lore, Lucretia, Maleficent, Maze, Memory, Midnight, Mist, Moonlight, Morrow, Morticia, Mystery, Nightshade, Noir, Obsidian,Onyx, Ophelia, Pandora, Panther, Poe, Porcelain, Prism, Rain, Rapture, Raven, Razor, Requiem, Rogue, Rosary, Sabre, Salem, Satin, Scarlet, Seraphim, Shade, Shadow, Steel, Stone, Storm, Talon, Thorne, Twilight, Veil, Velvet, Winter, Wolf, Zane amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "mocotw-20"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "manual"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_asins = "B01MF8K902,B00I3Q5A4E,B00MMJR8KW,B00NYIADBG"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "c59c0f86e61a2f79d07a89219045df92"; amzn_assoc_design = "in_content"; amzn_assoc_title = " "; ▲HIPPIE▲ Breeze, Buzz, Chakra, Cheer, Cherish, Cosmic, Crystal, Dancer, Dawn, Daydream, Deja, Desert, Destiny, Dharma, Dream/Dreamer, Earth/Eartha, Echo, Feather, Flight, Flow, Flower, Free, Freedom, Grace, Gypsy, Harmony, Heart, Honesty, Hope, Janis, Joplin, Journey, Joy, June, Justice, Karma, Kind, Lennon, Liberty, Light, Lily, Love, Marley, Meadow, Melody, Mild, Misty, Morning, Om, Paisley, Patchouli, Peace, Peaceful, Promise, Rain, Rainbow, Serenity, Smile, Soulful, Spirit, Sunny, Sunshine, Windsong, Yogi, Zen, Zest, Ziggy amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "mocotw-20"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "manual"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_asins = "B079LRGX9M,B079LNJFGS,B01FH6MRMU,B00IWTF4N4"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "c59c0f86e61a2f79d07a89219045df92"; amzn_assoc_design = "in_content"; amzn_assoc_title = ""; ▲NATURE▲ Almond, Apple, Aspen, Barley, Basil, Bay, Berry, Blossom, Canyon, Cayenne, Cedar (my daughter's name!),Cherry, Cinnamon, Clay, Clove, Clover, Coriander, Cove, Cypress, Daisy, Dayspring, Desert, Ebony, Fern, Fig, Flint, Flower, Forest, Ginger, Heather, Herb, Hill, Holly, Honey, Iris, Ivory, Ivy, Jasmine, Juniper, Kale, Land, Lavender, Leaf, Lilac, Lily, Linden, Lotus, Magnolia, Mango, Maple, Marigold, Meadow, Moss, Navy, Nest, Oak/Oakley, Olive, Parsley, Peach, Petal, Plum, Poppy, Posy, Rainbow, River (my son's name!), Rock, Root, Rose, Rosemary, Saffron, Sage, Slate, Snow, Spring, Spruce, Stone, Sunflower, Sweetpea,Thyme, Timber, Vine, Violet, Violet, Wheat, Willow, Wind, Woodland, Zinnia amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "mocotw-20"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "manual"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_asins = "B00EKRCCVO,B07MNWTX92,B00I2XNK4K,B07C432N49"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "c59c0f86e61a2f79d07a89219045df92"; amzn_assoc_design = "in_content"; amzn_assoc_title = " "; ▲NAUTICAL▲ Anchor, Aqua, Ariel, Bay, Captain, Coral, Crew, Cruise, Fleet, Harbor, Lake, Marina, Ocean, Oar, Pearl, Pike, Pirate, Reed, Reef, Sailor, Ship, Tide, Water, Wave amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "mocotw-20"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "manual"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_asins = "B00X236HEA,B01FMYE4TQ,B01M5DM815,B00MYWGTGQ"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "c59c0f86e61a2f79d07a89219045df92"; amzn_assoc_design = "in_content"; amzn_assoc_title = " "; ▲OFFBEAT & QUIRKY▲ Ale, Alos, Argyle, Banjo, Bloom, Buzz, Cab, Cajun, Cale, Canon, Cash, Chapter, Channel, Chartreuse, Chili, Chip, Cobb, Coco, Clear, Close, Creed, Curry, Cutlass, Day, Daily, Dax, Django, Domino, Dot, Ever, Faire, Fin, Flash, Flip, Gesa, Glass, Go, Happy, History, Hopper, Iggy, Isla, Jagger, Jax, Lemma, Lesson, Libra, Limmy, Link, Linny, Little, Lucky, Kafe, Kid/Kyd, Kin, Kit, Knox, Magic, Mardi, Match, Message, Mixon, More, Moxie, New/Nu, Nico, Nomi, Nori, Only, Pharr, Pilot, Plan, Rango, Rebel, Reign, Right, Rip, Rocket, Rocky, Rogue, Roller, Rush, Setter, Seven, Share, Silk, Skill, Skip/Skipper, Stak, Sugar, Sully, Tall, Teal, Temple, Tex, Time, Tin, Trip, Vella, Valda, Virtual, Watts, Welcome, Wilder, Wire, Xan/Xantha, Zale, Zana, Zara, Zeb, Zeen, Zip, Zory, Zuma amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "mocotw-20"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "manual"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_asins = "B00W7399FU,B01LWWDM1F,B00008XL18,B00RCLGNT2,B0797PZWCT"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "c59c0f86e61a2f79d07a89219045df92"; amzn_assoc_design = "in_content"; amzn_assoc_title = " "; ▲PRECIOUS STONES▲ Amber, Amethyst, Cameo, Crystal, Diamond, Emerald, Garnet, Gem, Ivory, Jade, Jasper, Jewel, Jett, Lazuli, Malachite, Opal, Pearl, Ruby, Sapphire, Topaz amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "mocotw-20"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "manual"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_asins = "B07779GK1D,B07DH5F6TQ,B00EV5C7CY,B00M9R28XY"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "c59c0f86e61a2f79d07a89219045df92"; amzn_assoc_design = "in_content"; amzn_assoc_title = " "; ▲SPIRIT ANIMALS▲ Akita, Bear, Bee, Bird, Birdie, Bison, Bonobo, Buck, Butterfly, Cat, Colt, Coyote, Crane, Cricket, Cub, Deer, Dingo, Doe, Dove, Dragonfly, Eagle, Emu, Falcon, Fawn, Feather, Fox, Gecko, Hare, Hawk, Ibis, Lark, Lynx, Nightingale, Otter, Phoenix, Pika, Puma, Quokka, Raven, Robin, Seal, Sparrow, Swan, Tiger, Wren amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; 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amzn_assoc_design = "in_content"; amzn_assoc_title = " "; Click HERE for more of my baby naming lists! Pin me plz! ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲ If you're expecting, go ahead and do yourself a huge favor by setting up your baby registry on Amazon! amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "mocotw-20"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "manual"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_asins = "B07BP7KYWS,B07DC6JYFD,B075F6K9ZX,B07434Z763,1845436741,B077XBF74Z,B01FH6MMRU,B0779LQ6MC"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "114bad81b422b35f5c8daa39bd08c9fd"; amzn_assoc_title = ""; amzn_assoc_search_bar = "true";

http://www.quirkybohemianmama.com/2015/05/the-ultimate-list-of-alternative-baby.html

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dansphlevels · 6 years

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The Odyssey

Day 11 of 12 Days of Prompts

TW: bullying, homophobic slurs, language, drinking

Summary: High school au where Phil is bullied for being gay and Dan thinks he should have just stayed in the closet. But it just so happens Phil has a big family and can't get any studying done, and Dan’s house is the perfect place to study.

Length: 12k

Themes: highschool au, enemies to friends to lovers, bullying, boxer!dan, studious!phan, Homophobia, family/sibling drama

"Stupid baby," Phil muttered under his breath. "Why can't they just move back again? I finished studying at one last night, and she didn't stop screaming until at least three."

"Stop whining," Greyson suggested, speed walking over to the fridge. "Naomi can stay as long as she wants, she's family. OJ?" "Toss it." He did, and Phil caught it easily, his clumsiness forgotten when it came to food. "Family's overrated." "Feel lucky. I tried for kids with Myrel for six years with no luck. Marrying your mother was the best thing I ever did. Five kids, just like that, and I didn't have to do anything!" Phil grunted into his cereal. "Six, if you include the rodent." "She's not a rodent, she's a baby. She's going to cry, you'd better get used to it." "Who's going to cry?" Asked Tucker, hurrying into the kitchen and grabbing the cereal from the counter. "Amanda?" "The rat," Phil explained. "Amanda cries a lot too. I think her baby makes her sad." "She's just tired," Greyson explained. "Hey, didn't you need a permission slip signed? Something for school?" "Rocket museum field trip. I already turned it in." Greyson leaned against the counter. "Really? Who signed it?" "Mum did." "That means he did," Phil explained to his bowl of cereal. He stared into it like it was trying to communicate with him, tell him the answers to his Calculus test or his problem with the baby. "He's getting good at faking signatures. You should see him do mine." "Snitch. Greyson, would you like some eggs sir?" "Yes please. But you're still grounded." Tucker came up behind Phil and gave him a light smack on the back of the head. "I need formula," Amanda declared, stepping into the already crowded kitchen. "Janie's crying again." They all strained their ears to hear. Sure enough, the baby's wail sounded through the house from the upstairs, loud enough to hear but not loud enough to be bothersome. None of them had noticed yet; it had become a familiar background noise. Greyson frowned in worry. "I thought you were still breastfeeding?" "If I breastfed her every time she was hungry I wouldn't have time to do anything else. She's a hungry little baby. Lots of growing to do." "She's fat," Phil corrected. "Your mum." "She's your mum too." "Is mum up yet?" Sandy asked, coming into the kitchen and grabbing a bowl from the cupboard. Her old purple bathrobe that was two sizes too big dragged on the floor, her tangled brown hair falling in messy waves down her back. She sidestepped Tucker with ease, sliding in between the crowd of people trying to navigate the too small kitchen all at once. A few of them shook their head. Phil continued to stare into his cereal bowl, not even eating anymore. "She's sleeping," Greyson explained. "She had the graveyard shift." "She did animal surgery at a graveyard?" Sandy asked, eyes wide. "It's an expression. It means the late shift." "And it wasn't animal surgery," Greyson explained patiently. "The clinic your mom works at has someone on site 24 hours a day, in case anyone's pet gets sick and needs help right away." Phil's phone beeped, and he got up quickly, grabbing his backpack that was slung over the other chair. "Have fun at school!" Greyson called out. "Have fun selling used cars," Phil called back unenthusiastically. He walked right out the door without looking back, letting it slam shut behind him. "He's a great kid," Greyson muttered. "Works hard. We shouldn't be too hard on him." "School makes him boring," Tucker half agreed. "I like him better in the summer." -------- He wasn't wrong. Phil rode the bus in silence, putting his backpack on the seat next to him so no one would sit with him. Headphones in, he pulled out his homework and started to review for his A-levels physics class. Getting to school, he went throughout the day in silence. He talked to a few friends along the way, but all in all it was uneventful. He took a test and got another test back. B+. He'd have to do corrections. When he got home, he went up to his room and started studying. He only had an hour until Tucker got back, and then the house would get progressively noisier and noisier until ten that night when it would simmer down, and he'd be able to study in silence again. Tucker had the top bunk, so he didn't mind Phil keeping his lamp on for most of the night, as long as the overhead light was turned off. However, sometimes his snoring distracted Phil. After half an hour of reviewing, the rat started crying again and Phil was ready to stab someone. He changed out of his school uniform and into grass-stained jeans and a t-shirt and started going around the neighborhood, going through his checklist. Mrs.Henderson needed the hedges outside her house pruned every Thursday, and it was also the day he mowed the Howell's lawn. An hour and a whole lot of sweat later- it was far too hot for November- Phil was knocking on the Howell's door. It swung open after a full minute, revealing not Mr.Howell, but his son, Dan. "Hey Phil." "Hey Dan. Is your dad here, I finished-" The boy turned around, calling into the house, "Dad! Phil's here!" They waited a few beats. Dan turned back to him. "How much do we owe you?" "25 pounds." "Jesus, you're ripping us off." "Better your dad pays me to mow the lawn than make you." Dan shrugged. "Probably." His dad came running down the stairs, panting a little. "Phil! Good to see you!" He was a mess, almond brown hair sticking up almost at random. He stepped forwards and almost stepped on his son's foot if Dan hadn't stepped back.

He scanned the front yard quickly then the boy in front of him. "How much is it again?" "30 quid," Dan answered for Phil. They both watched as his father emptied out his pockets, turning each one inside out hurriedly before finding the one with his wallet in it. "Ah ha! Here we go!" He pulled out a fat stack of cash, pulled off a few bills, and handed them over. "There you go. Payment for the week. Have any more leaves fallen?" "No. That tree's been bare since the beginning of October." He nodded quickly, stuffing his wallet into a different pocket than he'd pulled it out from. "That's great. And the lawn looks great, thanks for doing such a great job. I have to keep working now, but um, have a nice Thanksgiving!" He turned and hurried back up the stairs, skipping a few steps. Dan and Phil watched him go. "It's two more weeks until Thanksgiving," Phil observed. "I'll see him at least two more times until then." Dan snorted, still looking at the stairs where his father had sprinted up. "Yeah, he's a clutter-brain. Everyone tells me he's a genius, but... well, I have my doubts." He looked back at Phil. "He works in his office upstairs. All day. Sometimes doesn't even come down for meals." Phil nodded, not really relating but at least understanding. "He's loud at night?"

"Nah." He looked up, not really looking at anything in particular. "He hardly makes any noise in there. Sometimes I hear a crash, but that's just his clumsiness. He knocks down stuff every once in a while, but besides that, our house is usually dead." "Must be nice. My house is always too loud to study in. You taking any A levels?"

"Yeah, I'm in a few of your classes. Calc, and Lit. And forensic science, but that's not A levels." Phil nodded, his cheeks a little warmer. "Sorry. I don't really talk much in class." "I don't either. But I still look up every once in a while." He sighed. "I'm just procrastinating by talking to you. Have to write an essay. I'd rather throw myself into oncoming traffic." "While I'll let you get to it then." "Which one, studying or throwing myself into oncoming traffic?" He shrugged. "Either or. But if you do decide to end it all, let me know so I can have your room. I'd be able to get stuff done so much quicker if I had some quiet." Dan smiled. "Okay. I'll give you a heads up, put your name in my will maybe?" "Definitely. See you around, Howell." "See ya Lester." As Phil walked home, he counted the money Mr.Howell had given him. Thirty pounds. Phil had been working for the Howells for at least a year now, and every single time he got paid he was asked how much it cost. Mr.Howell was clearly a cluster-head, and that was a nice term for it. --- Phil knew he'd made a mistake the second the words came out his mouth. The teacher was out for the period in general health and nutrition class, and no sub had shown up, so they got their desks all in a circle and decided to play a game of never have I ever. Phil didn't have any friends in this class, and he hadn't really talked to anyone in it recently, besides Dan, but that one time a week ago on his porch had hardly counted. Apparently, Dan and him had four classes together total. Phil had looked up in each class long enough to check. The game was going fine for a few minutes. Phil, who never went out or did anything especially stupid, had most of his fingers up still. And then it got to the next person. A girl, who smiled and proudly declared "Never have I ever kissed a girl." Laughing, some people making noises and their friends put fingers down until someone noticed Phil didn't put any down. "Phil, did you put a finger down?" He could feel his heart jump a little. "No." All eyes were on him. "You've never kissed a girl?" "I'm gay." The reaction was immediate. Wide-eyes-open-mouths-chairs-scooted-back-worst-case-scenario "I didn't know there were any fags at our school!" A few football players looked mortified. "We had gym together! Were you checking us out?" "What? No!" "Oh my God, he's kissed a dude!" "That's disgusting!" "I can't believe-" "I'm sorry I'm late, class," the nutrition teacher stated, hurrying in through the front door of the classroom, coat and bag in hand. "My car had a problem and had to be towed, and my phone ran out of battery so I couldn't call anyone. Please arrange your desks back in their proper order, and we'll get started." Everyone hurried to do as she said, doing their best not to touch Phil. They acted as if he had the plague, like his gay was contagious. After a few minutes, they were all in their seats. Phil looked around and realized that there was a ring of empty desks around his seat. --- Word traveled like wildfire. After that class, he was afraid no one in the hallway would want to touch him. But to his surprise, only a few people seemed to know what had happened. He practically ran to his next class. He sat down and put his head in his arms, mouthing the words it's going to be alright, it's going to blow over, no one will care, no one will care... And no one in that class did care. Or so it seemed. Phil did his best not to look up. He ate lunch in that class. Hopefully, already everyone in that God forsaken class had forgotten. But by the time it was passing period again, it seemed like everyone knew. During lunch, everyone had been able to go on their phones and talk to their friends, and people stared at him in the hallway like he'd grown a tail. "Gay." "Homo." "Lester, yeah, the boy with the black hair and the pasty skin-" Phil put his headphones in at that point, drowning them out in music. He'd fucked up. --- Dan answered the door that afternoon. As soon as he saw Phil, he scowled. "Dad! He's back!" Phil leant up against the doorway, his breath shaky. Dan's expression made him want to curl in a ball on the floor. "Do you hate me too?" "I'd be stupid not to." "Because I'm a fag," Phil clarified. Dan looked back, making sure his father hadn't appeared yet. "Because you can't keep your big mouth shut. Didn't you know that it'd ruin everything?" Everything? "Everything?" "I'm here!" Dan's dad appeared on the stairs, running down so fast it was a miracle he didn't trip. "How much?" "25," Phil said quickly, daring Dan to correct him. He didn't need his help. "25," Dan's dad agreed, quickly pulling out the bills. "Such a great thing you're doing, I'm sure everyone in the neighborhood appreciates it. I've always hated mowing the lawn." "I've never minded it," said Phil, trying for an upbeat tone. "Good exercise." "You kids need lots of exercise," the man agreed. "Daniel here does boxing. Great full body workout, keeps you healthy. Sorry, I've got to-" "-get back to work," Dan agreed, glaring daggers his way. His dad didn't notice, just turned and left, back up to his office. Phil turned to Dan. "I didn't know you boxed." "I didn't know you were a fag," he sneered, turning and slamming the door in Phil's face. He blinked. "Um, okay. Well... I guess I'll see you later too then." --- "Anything interesting happen at school?" Phil's mum asked. They went around, all of Phil's younger siblings sharing. Tucker got an A on his blah blah blah, Sandy got asked out by blah blah blah, and Phil's youngest sister, Anna, got made fun of for wearing her hair in a side braid when all the other kids wore theirs in a french braid. "Kids can be cruel," Greyson advised, his paternal wisdom straight from a parenting book. "You can't let them get to you. The only people who are bullied are people who let themselves get bullied. You have to stand up for yourself..." Blah blah blah. Blah blah. Blah. Phil was amazing at toning his family out at the dinner table. Now if only he could tone them out as efficiently when studying... "And Philip? How was your day?" His mum asked brightly. "Fine." "Anything interesting happen?" "No." "How'd you do on that Lit exam?" Greyson offered with a smile. "Fine." --- It was ten at night. Amanda was on her phone in the next room, the paper thin walls barely muffling her voice. On the top bunk, Tucker snored obnoxiously. Phil closed his eyes and tried to think about Moby Dick. He had to study. He could not fail A-levels Literacy. He was smart enough for this. Would he have any friends when he went to school tomorrow? ------- Cereal. Backpack. Bus. School. Yes, he still had friends. Yes, they accepted that he was gay. No, they didn't want to talk in the hallway. Yes, they were still his friends. You're right, you should have kept it to yourself, they said. You just royally screwed yourself over. Class. Class class. Bus. Home. Study. Change. A note was stuck in the back pocket of his navy, school-issued trousers. Faggot. He threw it away, then thought better of it and tore it up, then threw it away. By then Tucker was home, and soon Sandy and Anna were too. The house got louder and louder, and Phil's focus became less and less. Finally, he gave up, tossing his folders and notebooks into his backpack, and heading out the door. --- The bagel shop also sold coffee. However, it tasted horrible. Phil bought a small cup. He chose a corner table and dropped his backpack, digging through it to find his materials, and sat down, immediately starting to write. He had to write a five-page report on the first half of Moby Dick, and he wrote without thinking. Phil felt the presence next to him before he saw it. "Moby Dick? Interesting. You liking it?" Phil looked up. "Hardly. What are you doing here Dan?" He waved his bagel, making a duh expression. "I'm actually just leaving now. Enjoy the Dick book. But knowing you, I'm sure you will." He bit down on his bagel, reached out and knocking Phil's half empty coffee over, spilling all over the paper and his lap. "Oops." He left, and Phil was left staring at the mess. Only half aware, he pushed his backpack and the book aside before the coffee could stain them. The pages he'd written so far were already ruined. He looked over them, trying to read what was written. It didn't matter. Nothing he'd written had any sort of meaning or rhythm, and he'd used the same example at least three times. He balled the papers up and threw them away. --- People pinched him in the hallway. He didn't know who it was but knew from the snickers it was the same people. He didn't react. "Ooh, I think he likes it," a voice giggled. "Maybe he wants you to do it again." "I bet he'd like it more if there weren't so many people here," another voice remarked quietly. "He'd be on his knees before you could snap your fingers, so desperate to get-" Phil stuffed the headphones in his ears, turning his music on quickly. The louder the better. He tried to walk faster, ignore the looks. He really tried. --- "Phil, anything new and excited happen at school today?" "No." "You've been giving the same answer all week! Surely something must have happened." "No, nothing has. I presented that Health and Nutrition thing." "Oh! That's nice, how'd it go?" "Fine," he lied. "Can I be excused? I'm meeting with a friend." He was exused, and as quickly as possible got his backpack and got over to the bagel shop. A cup of coffee in hand, he made his way to a table more out of the way than the first one, plugging in his music. Peace and quiet, he thought, because music doesn't count as noise. My closest friend. --- He couldn't afford to go to the bagel place every day. He was saving his money for uni, and mowing lawns didn't make that much. The next Thursday, when he went to the Howell's house to collect his money for that week, Mr.Howell answered the door for once. "How much?" "25 pounds. Is Dan at boxing?" "Hmm? No, he's upstairs studying." It took longer than normal for Mr.Howell to find and count the money. Phil shifted uncomfortably on the porch. "Dan's pretty lucky. I have to study at the Bagel shop by Main, my families so loud." "Oh, you could always study here," Dan's dad said easily, counting out the pound notes. "Downstairs on the dining room table. Plenty of room, my wife works until nine most nights, and Dan studies upstairs, so there's plenty of room." Phil blinked. "Are you serious?" "Of course! You seem like a nice boy, I trust you. And you wouldn't be bothering either of us. Come over tomorrow with your study stuff, and you can just go at it. You seem like a nice boy." On one hand, Dan hated his guts. On the other... "Okay. Yeah, thanks Mr.Howell, I really appreciate it." --- It took three days for Dan to notice him. Phil let himself in after the first day, when Mr.Howell said it was easier for everyone. Then he studied at the dining room table, the house so quiet he questioned whether anyone was home at all. He came back the next day, and the same happened. And the next day was shaping up to be the same, when Dan came downstairs to get a snack and stopped in his tracks. "What are you doing in my house?" "Reconsidering my life choices," Phil answered immediately. "I should've taken easier classes. School is whooping my ass." Dan walked over, surveying the mess of school supplied splayed across the table. "I bet you like that though." Phil attempted a smile. It didn't work. "Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I'm kinky." "You didn't deny it," Dan noted. Before Phil could defend himself, he was talking again, saying "But actually, what are you doing in my house?" Phil rubbed his temples painfually. "Your dad said I could. I needed a quiet place to study." "And you can't study at your house because...?" Phil looked at him like he was an idiot. "Because I need a quiet place to study," he repeated, slower, as if to help Dan process it. "I have four siblings, not to mention the rodent." "The rodent?" "My sister had a baby. She never shuts up." "The sister or the baby?" "Both." Phil tilted his head to the side, considering. "Mostly the baby though." "Cool," Dan deadpanned. "I'm going upstairs." "Have fun." He didn't respond. ---- Across Phil's locker, the word 'Twink' was spray painted, bright green. He tried to wipe it off with a wet paper towel, but it did nothing. ---- Beep. "The number you are calling is not available. Please leave a message, after the tone." Beep. "Hey Peej, it's Phil, I was just wondering if you wanted to go the new movie theater sometime, check it out. I don't care what we see, um, you can choose. So... yeah. Call me back." Beep. Beep. "The number you are calling is not available. Please leave a message, after the tone." Beep. Beep. "Hey Mark, it's Phil! Do you wanna hang out sometime? It feels like it's been forever. So, uh, yeah, call me back!" Beep. Beep. "The number you are calling is not available. Please leave a message, after the tone." Beep. Beep. "It's Phil, I heard you and Julie broke up? Just wondering if you wanted to rant or talk about it or whatever. We could grab lunch or something. Um... yeah. Call me back." Beep. Beep. "The number you are calling has been disconnected and is no longer available." Beep. Beep. ---- "I'm going to die," Tucker was saying, laying on his bed with his head hanging off the end. "I'm actually going to die." "It's only report cards," Phil reassured. "You're smart. You'll be fine." "I did horrible in Science this quarter. I didn't even turn in my notebook, I forgot. Mum's going to kill me!" He rolled over, staring at his older brother miserably. "I wish I was like you and actually liked school." "I don't like school." "That's all you ever do though. You go to school, then you get home and study. How could you not like school?" Phil shrugged. "Guess I don't really like the people there. We don't really see eye to eye." ---- "Dunk! Dunk! Dunk! Dunk!" "Better close your eyes, bum-chum!" Phil's head was dunked under, water pouring onto his face as they flushed the toilet. He sputtered for breath, the chanting and cheering being literally drowned out by water. They let him go and he threw himself forwards on the disgusting bathroom tile, coughing and spitting, desperate for air. "Funny. I always thought that you'd swallow." More laughter. Phil wanted to cry, or die, or kill them or all three. The bell rang, and everyone dispersed, leaving him in a wet pile of tears and toilet water. --- Dan was staring at him. Phil had done his best to dry off, but he could only do so much. He refused to let the bullies make him miss class though, especially Calculus. He already hardly understood the class, he couldn't afford to miss a full day of instructions. Phil tried to ignore the other boy's gaze on him, instead listening to the teacher. "...I'm sorry, but I don't let anyone take home the textbooks. We have a class set of 30, and that's all the district will provide for us for the next 20 years, basically. However, if you'd like you can stay after school..." Dan was still staring at him. What happened? He mouthed from across the class. I'm gay Phil mouthed back. He didn't know if Dan understood or not, but the boy's eyes widened, and Phil could tell that he'd made sense on at least some level. After school that day, Phil was studying where he always did when Dan sat next to him. "Finish Moby Dick yet?" "Last night. It was amazing, a fine piece of literature, blah blah blah." Dan nodded. "I hated it. I still have twelve pages left to go." "The last bit isn't so bad. It's better with the end in sight." Dan nodded thoughtfully. "Makes sense. On a scale of one to ten, how gay exactly are you?" Phil almost got whiplash from how fast Dan had turned the conversation around. "Um... I don't know. I'm not that gay." "You're lying," Dan observed. "I'm not going to hit you or anything. Or make you go swimming like your friends from earlier did." "They weren't my friends." "I didn't think so. Now come on, scale of one to ten, one being straight and ten being so gay that you-" "Ten." Phil cut him off, not sure if he wanted to hear the rest. Dan's eyes widened. "Seriously? So you'd-" "I'm very gay," Phil agreed. "So gay that I've never kissed a girl and never want to. So gay that I can't even imagine dating a girl, or marrying one, ever." Dan leaned forward, interested. "So you'd like, suck dick?" Phil winced. "In theory." "And you would like, take it up the ass, and-" "God Dan, please shut up. Maybe. I don't know, are you offering?" Dan's eyes got wide. "It's... it's a figure of speech," Phil explained, backing up. "Not a real question. Now, can I get back to studying, or-" "Yeah, yeah!" Dan stood up so quickly he almost knocked the chair over. "Yeah, I was just curious. You can go back to studying, you're just like... the only gay person I know." "There's more of us," Phil said, trying to hide the annoyance in his voice. "Other gay people at our school, in fact. There have to be, the stats don't lie." "Not that any of us would know it. After everything happening with you, you'd have to be stupid to come out at our school." Phil scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah. I guess you're right." "Yeah!" Dan took a step back, then shuffled forwards, bumping against the chair unceremoniously. "I'm going to go... study!" "Okay," Phil responded with slight amusement. "Have fun." "I- I will!" He turned around and almost ran straight into a wall. He quickly sidestepped, then was up the stairs, turning into what was assumably his room. Phil shook his head, smiling only a little bit. --- "The game's coming out in the New Year, but I want to preorder it now. Then I can get it as soon as possible. It has these super amazing graphics, honestly, I want to a design class or a graphic art class or something like that so I can learn how to do that sort of animation, because have you seen it? It's so cool! It's too expensive, but I'll get it anyways, I have some money saved up..." Phil trailed off, looking around. "Why are you all looking at me like that?" Greyson was the first to clear his throat. "Um, it's just you've been so quiet lately. Is there anything new, or anything? You've been spending a lot of time away from home. New friends?" Phil shrugged. "Not really. Just... the game I guess." His shoulders slumped forwards slightly. "Tell us more about it!" His mum prompted quickly. It was the first time in a long time that she'd seen her son so vibrant, and she wasn't about to let him go back to sulking so fast. Phil perked up. "Yeah, it's got these controllers..." --- "No you spoon, it all goes back to the limit definition of the derivative. You have to define the variables, see, here..." Dan underlined a few numbers, gesturing with his pencil. "And then.... multiply here...." He was completely entranced in the work, marking and drawing lines connecting the dots, getting wrapped up in the math of it. Phil didn't really remember how they got in this position, with Dan sitting at the table with him, showing him how to do the homework. Phil had had no idea, and he still didn't fully understand it, but it was becoming easier. "Like this," Phil muttered, taking out another pencil and adding onto the equation Dan was writing. "You square it."

Dan stared at it for a long moment, blinking. "Um, no. You don't square anything. If you wanted, you could root it... actually, you probably wouldn't want to do that. Here, look." --- It made more sense for them to work on their homework together. Phil didn't remember when it was decided, but one day Dan started bringing his work downstairs and working at the table with Phil, going over problems together and complaining back and forth. Dan was good at calc. Phil was better at Lit. Neither of them liked forensics. And both of them thought that generally, government class was stupid and signing up was a mistake. They were talking one day when one of their phones went off in the pile of papers and notebooks scattered across the desk. "Get it," Dan suggested, nodding to the pile. "Well it's not my phone." "That's not my ringtone. You probably just usually have it on mute." "Who would be calling me?" Dan shrugged. "Well answer it!" Phil jumped up, digging through the pile and flipping over his near-empty backpack, grabbing the phone and answering at the last second. "Mushi Mushi?" There was some crackling at the end of the line. Phil caught his breath. "Hello?" Silence. Then, after a beat, a low deep voice growled "you have seven days to live." "Dan, it's for you." Phil handed the phone over to the very confused Dan. "Hullo." He paused, listening to the voice. Phil could barely hear it. "Seven days..." it whispered guterally. "Thank God," Dan mumbled in reply. "But can we speed up the process a bit? I have a test before that. Could you just kill me now?" The voice seemed to consider this. "Not now. Tonight." Dan clicked flirtily. "I'll light some candles. See you at 7." He closed the phone, hanging up with a grin. "Friend of yours?" Phil shook his head, smiling lightly. "Nah, little brother. He got his own phone last week and has been prank calling people ever since. I'm actually kind surprised it's taken him this long to try it with me." Dan laughed. "Amazing. I always wanted to have a little brother." "I don't know. Tucker's all right, but I'd prefer to have my own room. Then I wouldn't have to come over and invade your space every day." "You're not invading my space." The air seemed to crackle with electricity, or maybe something a little more dangerous. Then it disappeared. "Have you seen my room yet?" "No. Wanna give me the grand tour?" --- Phil had never had his own room. Dan practically had his own floor. "There's Dad's office, which he spends about 23 out of 24 hours in, so it doesn't really count. But they technically sleep in their room downstairs, so I have loads of space." Dan's room was at least twice the size of Phil's, and it looked even bigger with a double bed instead of the bunk beds that took up most of Phil's space. The bed had hidden storage under it for Dan's clothes, and next to it sat a nightstand crowded with figurines from animes, little mementos, and a few condoms. "Nice," Phil said dryly, staring at the latter, which was out in plain sight. "Um, ignore that!" Dan opened the drawer and swept the condoms and a bottle into it, closing it quickly. "No one ever comes in here, so it's not like I need to hide them." "No one ever comes in here," Phil repeated, picking up an empty wrapper from the floor. "Yeah, I believe you." Dan snatched the wrapper out of his hand, stuffing it in the drawer with the others. "Shut up." His cheeks had turned a bright pink. "Why do you have two desks?" Upon further inspection of the room, Phil realized there were two desks inside of one, one in each corner opposite the bed. Only one had a chair by it, and that was the only one with papers on it. The other had a stack of discarded clothing on it, like it had been downgraded to a laundry hamper. Dan looked where he was staring. "Oh, that's dad's old one. He gave it to me, like I'd have use for two." Phil shrugged, glancing around. Nothing else was of much interest to him, unless he was willing to ask Dan more about the condom wrappers, which he wasn't. "Wanna get a snack? I'm hungry." ---- The coffee tasted much better at the Bagel shop when he was sat at a table for two. It turned out, Dan was actually quite funny, though most of his jokes were horrible and caused Phil to snort so hard he almost directly inhaled his coffee. Other new information learned: the bagels at the bagel shop taste about as bad as the coffee. Dan got one, and it was so stale he could tap it against the table and make a noise like horses galloping on pavement. Dan ate it anyways. The whole building was so warm. Phil felt like he was wearing a woolen jumper. How long had it been since he'd felt so warm? Too long. Dan smiled wide and laughed loud. And Phil did too. His cheek muscles ached from so much exercise after so much disuse. --- Phil was just setting his stuff down on the Howell's dining room table when Dan called him upstairs. When Phil got to the top of the steps and peeked in his room, Dan was sitting in his rolling chair, the end of a pencil between his teeth. "Do you want to bring a chair up here? I don't get the Lit assignment." --- There were few things that felt better than leaving school for holiday break. Actually, two, to be exact: leaving school for Summer Vacation and leaving school for good. Dan whooped, tilting his face up to the starry sky and leaning back, stumbling only slightly. The brown paper bag he clutched in one hand sloshed around with his movement, the drink inside it still half full. Phil's drink was half full too. It was strange- earlier that school year, he would've called it half empty. But lately, a lot of things were looking half full. "I'm gonna to be an astronaut when I grow up," Dan slurred, stalking forwards, eyes trained on the stars. "'m gonna see the stars up close, and personal. Get all up in their space." He squinted, daring the stars to disagree. "Is that what you're studying at uni-" "Don't say that word!" Dan commanded quickly, cutting him off. "Evil. I'm in a good mood, satyr, don't ruin it with your talk of the future." Dan's insults had been getting more and more interesting ever since they did the unit on The Odyssey in A-levels Lit. Dan had done an essay on the various ways mythology was ingrained in the culture of the time, and needless to say, he'd gotten a bit into it. Phil took a big swig from his bottle, letting the liquor pour down his throat like molten lava, stinging and burning his tongue. They walked in curved lines, words slurred but brains still mostly aware. The empty space in their bottles wasn't enough to get someone drunk, but luckily for them, it wasn't all they'd been drinking that night. "I hate parties," Dan mumbled. Most of his filters had been strewn on the floor, sloshed around and discarded like bad mouthwash. "Too many stupid people." "It was your idea to go," Phil reminded him. "Stupid," he repeated. "I don't even like dancing." Phil raised the bottle to his lips and gulped, doing his best to wash the memory away. Dan had danced with a girl, some stupid brunette who was significantly smaller than him. They'd danced, and then made out, before Dan pulled away and spat on the floor. No one cared. It was too late and the air smelled too much like vomit and beer for anyone to care. Phil wished he didn't care. "You like her?" Dan didn't need to ask who he was talking about. "Not really. Just someone to dance with, someone to kiss." He sipped from his bottle, stopping to giggle lightly. "Not that you'd know anything about that." "In my defense, I can't kiss people. Nobody around who'd want to." "Oblivious potato you are." He cackled up to the sky, eyes gazing around as if waiting for Zeus to appear and pluck him from the ground. "'My name is nobody'," he quoted, smiling vaguely. Phil shook his head, trying not to think about The Odyssey any more. Dan was referring to the passage where the brave Odysseus was face to face with the monstrous cyclops, Polyphemus. When asked his name, Odysseus replies 'My name is nobody'. Later, he stabs the cyclops in his one eye and escapes with his men, and Polyphemus chases him blindly out to the shore screaming bloody murder. When the other cyclopes on the island hear him and ask what's wrong, he screams 'Nobody stabbed me! Nobody stabbed me!' and Odysseus is able to escape. He stared at the boy next to him, face illuminated solely by the thin scrap of moon that was visible. Phil wondered if he was thinking about the Odyssey too. "She was a horrible kisser," Dan mumbled. "Tasted like cigarettes." He turned and looked at Phil sincerely, voice scratching out, "Don't smoke. I don't want any campfire kisses." Then he stumbled forwards, continuing to walk, quoting: "'Of all creatures that breathe and move upon the earth, nothing is bred that is weaker than a man.'" Phil giggled. "You should probably head home now. Sleep it off." Dan nodded tiredly. His shoulders were weighed down visibly, as if he still carried his backpack jammed full of expectations and textbooks. "'There is a time for many words,'" hiccup "'...and there is also a time for sleep.'" --- Phil awoke with a pounding headache and a light blush across his cheeks. --- "Your friends can't come over on Christmas," their mum insisted. "Christmas day is for family only." "Sweetie, let's not be unreasonable. They just want to have fun! What about Christmas Eve?" Greyson suggested, ever the mediator. Sandy stared at them from across the dinner table, her puppy dog face on maximum level. She frowned, thinking it over. "Fine. But Sandy, only bring one or two friends over, we hardly have enough room for everyone in the house as it is. Phil, could you go to the store sometime this week and get hot coco and eggnog?" "And whipped cream!" Sandy added excitedly. "Probably need two cans," Greyson agreed. Phil nodded, making a mental note. "And, um, if Sandy is having friends over, do you think I could invite someone too?" --- Phil sat on the carpeted floor, leaning against the maroon couch. His hands were wrapped around the warm mug of eggnog, and he sipped it slowly, trying to savor it. He was only allowed one glass, as Greyson insisted that it was important not to start drinking too young. Needless to say, Phil wasn't about to tell him about his and Dan's activities the week prior. Dan sat closely nestled next to Phil, also with a single mug of eggnog and an overly festive jumper. The main difference was, Dan's was black with a reindeer on it, while Phil's was covered in reds, greens and whites. When Dan first saw it he claimed Phil looked like an 'obnoxious candy cane', to which Phil replied with something that wasn't supposed to be sexual, but of course Dan ended up taking it that way. Dan was very warm, and their arms pressed against each other, though Phil reminded himself that it was because there was so little space. Sandy and Anna had friends over, meaning that there were currently around a dozen people in the sitting area and kitchen, which were made even smaller by the almost invasive presence of the plastic Christmas tree. "We should get a real one this year!" Phil had suggested upon seeing Greyson carrying the box down from the attic. "No can do," he'd replied easily. "Real Christmas trees are a potential fire hazard. Do you know how many people get electrocuted watering Christmas trees naked, a year?" No, Phil had not know, and no, he did not enjoy that mental image. Dan was quieter than normal, sipping his eggnog and observing the goings on of the family and extras. Finally, Phil spoke up. "I'm glad you could come. Are your parents celebrating with friends?" Dan shook his head. "Mum might be. But Dad's spending the night in his office. Hopefully he'll get up and go to bed before it's time to open presents." Dan's father was an extremely intelligent man, with a spattering of fancy degrees and an extremely prestigious job. But Dan talked about him like he was a deadbeat. "It's weird being here," Dan admitted. "I've never had siblings." "I've never not had siblings. I used to hate it, middle child syndrome and all that. Now... I don't mind it as much." "I bet not. Especially since you don't have to study at home anymore." Across the room, Phil's younger sisters and their friends laughed loudly, talking in quiet, fast voices among themselves. In the background, the song 'Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree' played, and Amanda and Tucker danced to it on the small stretch of floor in between the kitchen and living room. Amanda looked happier than normal, probably since Janie finally managed to go to sleep and hadn't woken up since the party started. Tucker smiled too, though he looked a little embarressed to be seen dancing with his big sister. "Come on," Phil urged, feeling a sudden impulse. "Let's dance." He got up and pulled Dan to his feet, ignoring his complaints. "But I have two left feet!" "I have four!" Phil retaliated, yanking Dan over to the tile floor and grabbing his other hand, spinning him. "How is that even possible?" Dan complained, spinning and catching himself on Phil's hand. "Now I know why you're failing Calculus. You can't count!" They swayed, doing something that almost resembled dancing. "Everyone dancing merrily, in a new old-fashioned way,” The music played. More people moved over, starting to dance along. Phil tried not to cringe as he saw his mum being tugged over to the floor, Greyson pulling her over to dance. "I'm not failing Calc," Phil defended, intertwining his hands with Dan's more comfortably. "I have a B minus!" "Potato po-tat-o." Dan spun him, and Phil only stumbled slightly. "You're right, you have no coordination." "What's that quote?" Phil recalled. "'The gods don't give out all gifts at once..."' "'Not build and brains and flowing speech to all. One man may fail to impress us with his looks but a god can crown his words with beauty, charm, and men look on with delight when he speaks out.'" Dan looked like he was somewhere else, reciting the quote easily. "'Never faltering, filled with winning self-control, he shines forth at assembly grounds and people gaze at him like a god when he… when he walks through the streets. Another man may look like a deathless one on high but there's not a bit of grace to crown his words. Just like you, my fine, handsome friend.'" "Wow." ‘Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree’ ended. Dan didn't seem to notice that there was no more music. He seemed to be staring at Phil's lips, his own lips parted slightly. "Wow," Phil repeated again. "I'm genuinely impressed. I can't remember quotes for the life of me." "They spoke to me," Dan replied with a shrug, trying to start swaying again to the beat of the new song playing, Let It Snow. The weather outside is frightful. But the fire is so delightful. And since there's no place to go. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. --- Christmas day was exciting, but not like it usually was. They each got a few small presents from their Mum and Greyson, and Amanda, Phil, and Tucker each had a present for each family member. Sandy and Anna couldn't be bothered to buy presents, but they were young enough that it was excusable. After all the presents had been opened, the adults went into the kitchen and started preparing lunch, and Phil and Tucker wrestled around a bit. Phil may be 18, but he would never be an adult to his parents, just as Amanda had a job and a kid, but she still sat at the kids' table at family gatherings. Tucker was small for someone his age, still in early high school, but he was a decent wrestler. Phil had the size advantage, but it was a pretty even match. "I wanna do karate," Tucker said later, after they were done. "Or boxing. Or wrestling, I guess. Something like that." A memory tugged at the back of Phil's mind. "Dan does boxing, I think." "You think?" "His dad mentioned it once," Phil explained. "I don't know if he still does, actually. He never talks about it." "That's a weird thing not to talk about," Tucker observed. "If I did boxing, I'd probably never shut up about it." --- "It's never come up in conversation, I guess," Dan explained, kicking off his snow boots. It was still Christmas Day, just a little later, and Dan had walked over to Phil's house to collect him. 'My house is quiet and I'm bored,' he'd explained, shivering in the cold. 'Come over?' Phil had taken his first opportunity to ask about Dan's boxing, and sure enough, he boxed. "I go to practice three times a week, compete most Sundays, and train most nights before bed." "And you've never thought to mention it?" He shrugged. "It's not something I talk about. It's... weird, you know? I have like... a personality, that everyone knows, you know? And boxing just doesn't fit into it." The two boys walked upstairs to Dan's room automatically. Phil sat on his bed. "Why not? Boxing is cool." "And obviously I'm so cool," Dan muttered sarcastically. "I have like, negative two friends." "You have me." "Yes, there is that. But as you are the only openly gay student in our school, that doesn't score me much points." He winced. "Sorry." Phil tried not to be offended. "Well, you're not wrong." "If you wanted, you could use my locker at school," Dan offered quickly, desperately. "I don't use it. And then, you wouldn't have to see... you know..." He was referring of course, to Phil's locker, which still had the word 'twink' spray painted across it. Phil had tried to scrub it away, but nothing worked. He'd reported it to the office, but to his knowledge, they hadn't even bothered to try to get rid of it. Phil exhaled shakily. He hadn't thought about the bullies ever since the break started. He shook his head, changing the topic of conversation back to boxing. "You said you trained? Where?" --- Phil had never realized that Dan's mom never parked her car in their garage. He also never realized that Dan's dad didn't even have a car. "He's too much of a social recluse to have a car," Dan explained, leaning against the wall of the garage. Instead of being a space for parking cars, it had been converted into a gym of sorts, with a tattered old punching bag in the middle of the room. Pushed against the walls were boxes, some filing cabinets, and a new looking bench press covered in clothes and gloves. "I don't use that," Dan explained, seeing Phil's eyes train on the press. "It's too boring." Phil walked around the punching bag, observing where the material was faded or torn. A few spots were patched up with duct tape, and a few spots looked like it was about time they be patched up. Phil noticed something out of the corner of his eye and walked over to where an open cardboard box sat again the wall. Dan realized what he was doing too late, and by the time he shouted "Wait!" Phil was already leaning down. "Trophies?" "I'm not any good," Dan promised. "Most of them are just participation!" Phil pulled one of the medium-sized ones out. It was covered in a layer of dust, which he brushed aside. "Second place?" "It was a small event!" Phil looked up, and for the first time noticed how panicked Dan looked. "Could you please put it back? Hey, I got the new Zelda game, do you want to try it out?" Phil wanted to ask more about boxing. Obviously Dan was being modest; the box was stuffed full of trophies, and there were other boxes in the room. Did they contain the same things? But when he saw Dan's expression, he knew there was no way he could push him any further. For whatever reason, Dan was ashamed of boxing, or something like that. Phil wanted to know why. But now was not the time to ask. "Yeah, cool. Show me the game?" ---- Phil didn't not welcome school back with open arms. Something had happened over the break. What, he didn't know, but everyone was glaring at him which such malice he wondered if he'd killed someone without realizing. He pulled his headphones out, allowing himself to hear the chatter. His next class was on the other side of the school, and after he'd been walking a few minutes, he'd heard a shred of conversation that made him keep listening. "....grounded. Chuck was caught sleeping with him-" "With Lester?" "Yeah! I mean, who else would he sleep with? It was a dude, and his dad got so pissed he beat him." "Dude. How'd the fucking fag get Chuck to sleep with him in the first place?" "I dunno, but now he won't be able to play in the game on Friday. We really need a win if we want to make it to regionals..." Phil put his headphones back in his ears. Apparently, there were at least two other gays going to his school: Chuck, and another boy who'd been caught sucking him off. ----- "What happened?" "Got in a fight." "With who?" "This guy at school." Correction: these guys at school. "We had a difference in opinion." ---- Dan prepared him an ice pack. "I heard the news. About, you know, you and Chuck." "I didn't do anything with Chuck. I don't even know him that well." "I know you didn't." Dan zipped up the bag of ice, handing it over with a towel. "Hold this over your eye, it should help the swelling." "Doctor Daniel," Phil teased, taking the ice thankfully. His eye was beginning to swell shut, and his chest ached. At least he could hide bruised ribs. It wasn't so easy with the eye. "You caught me at a bad time," Dan admitted. "I was going to practice now." "Sorry. You want me to go, or... can I watch?" Dan almost considered it. Phil could see the gears turning, but the awkward smile made his answer clear. "Sorry, I think you'd better go. I think it'll be a rougher workout today, I've got some... stuff to get out." "Stuff to get out," Phil repeated. "Yeah, I can go. See you tomorrow?" "Yeah, sure. And stop getting in fights, bruising doesn't suit you." "That, we can agree on." ---- The rumors kept swirling. Chuck was not gay, it seemed, he'd just been put in an awkward situation and took advantage of it. "A mouth is a mouth," he laughed with his friends. "Trust me, I didn't want the fag to touch me but he wanted it so bad, you should've seen him. So wrecked." When his friends asked more about it, he replied quickly "No, I didn't like it! If he was a girl it would have been so hot though. He was so sweaty his hair got really curly- yeah, like that. Don't worry though, he'll pay for it. Trust me on that." ---- Dan was so sweaty his hair got even curlier than normal. "Woah," Phil said as soon as he saw him. "Boxing practice?" "Yeah. I'm getting ready for a big meet, have to be prepared." He took the strap of one of the gloves in his teeth, ripping it off easily. Phil tried not to stare too much. "Anyone else give you crap today?" "Anyone not give me crap? It's fine, school's over. I don't have to see any of them again until tomorrow." He willed his voice not to crack, his hand not to shake. His head hurt from being slammed against the lockers. Dan nodded, not making eye contact as he took the other glove off. "How's Calc going? I wish that he just let us take the book home, it'd be so much easier." "It would." Phil didn't really know what else to say. "I'm going to... erm, I'm going to do my homework in my room again. Come with?" Phil's head throbbed. "Yeah. Sure." ---- Phil didn't know when he snapped. But if I had to say a moment in the altogether miserable week, it'd probably be when he was laying on the floor of the boys' bathroom, sopping wet from the swirly. After they'd dunked him in the toilet, they'd used him as a mop, swinging him around by his legs and splashing water on the ground for the back of his favorite hoodie to clean up. Then they left him, far more interested in getting out of the school than they were in beating up the fag. Phil laid there, not bothering to get up. His favorite hoodie was filthy, with dirt and toilet water and he didn't even want to know what else. And he was all alone on the bathroom floor, his bus having already left. And something snapped. Phil stood. He tore off his jacket and stuffed it in the trash can, hefted his backpack, and only made one stop before marching out of the school and walking all the way home. --- Phil went home and changed out of his stupid school uniform into comfortable work clothes and went around, doing his yard work for the day. Then he went home, got his backpack, and marched to Dan's house, going straight up to Dan's room without knocking. Dan wasn't wearing pants. "Phil! I didn't-" "I stole something." Dan blinked. "Um, what?" Phil opened his backpack on Dan's bed, dumping half of it out and pulling out a Calculus textbook. "I was angry- I'm still kinda angry- and I'm failing the class." He paused. "And I'm not giving it back." Dan blinked. It took him a little too long to process. "I'm not wearing pants." He repeated. "You mentioned that already. I just stole a textbook." "Yeah, you said that too." They both were frozen. Phil cleared his throat. "You can put on pants now. If you want." "If I want," Dan repeated. "I mean, I don't care." "No, you'd probably actually prefer I don't put my pants on." Phil scowled, messing with his backpack. "Don't put words in my mouth." They were quiet for a few more moments. "I'm going to put pants on." "Okay." ---- Studying was a lot easier with the calc textbook. ---- "We could just sit on the floor," Phil suggested, eying the small couch wearily. "Nah, this is better. Come on, hop up." Dan sat down, bowl of popcorn in hand, and patted the small space next to him. Phil sat, the couch so small there was no way for them to sit without touching. "It's a good movie," Dan said, "so don't you dare fall asleep." "I promise I won't," Phil laughed, snuggling up to his friend, albeit still cautiously. Dan started the movie and leaned against Phil, his head on his shoulder. ---- Phil fell asleep during the movie. But it was okay. Because so did Dan. ---- "Oh, hello boys." Phil had been half awake for a few minutes, not wanting to move. He was too warm, too tired, and besides, Dan was still asleep. "Hi Mr.Howell. We watched a movie last night, and fell asleep." Dan snored, snuggling closer to Phil. "I promise it's not as bad as it looks-" Phil started, but Mr.Howell cut him off quickly. "Oh no, don't worry about it. I know about you two, Dan has boys over all the time. He didn't tell me specifically, but I notice things." Phil blinked, still only half awake. "He has boys over all the time? What do you mean?" "Well, not since you've been dating I'm sure. We've never talked about it, but I know he's homosexual, or bisexual, or whatever the kids call it these days. I'm not as oblivious as all that." Phil blinked again. Apparently, Dan's dad wasn't that oblivious, but Phil certainly was. ---- Dan woke up a few minutes later. "Crap, I fell asleep," he said as if that weren't already obvious. "Wait... don't tell it's morning already?" "We both fell asleep," Phil admitted. He observed Dan as he stretched, pulling himself up. The words you're gay? got clogged in his throat, refusing to come out. Just like Dan. Funny how that works. ————

They were in Dan’s bed. It was late, and they were both just a little drunk on exhaustion and booze. Not drunk enough for their thoughts to be incoherent or their voices to slur, just drunk enough for Dan to quote "The Odyssey" every other minute. "You know you’re my best friend, right?" Dan said quietly. He was staring at Phil, his eyes slightly lowered. Phil sighed contentedly, his eyes trained on his 'best friend's lips. "Yeah, I know. You’re my best friend too." Phil shuffled slightly, wondering if it’d be too gay to cuddle up closer to Dan. Then again, it sounded like Dan was also gay, at least partially. Maybe it’d be okay. He was stuck. He was stuck, right in between wanting to kiss Dan and not wanting to lose him, because he knew that out of the two options, he could likely only choose one. And he couldn’t loose Dan. Shoveling the sidewalks as quickly as he could just so he could be paid by the neighbors and get to Dan's house as fast as possible, just to study. Going to the bagel shop for a special treat and eating the almost indigestible bagels and coffee, because it was convenient and it was quiet and he’d go anywhere with Dan, really. He like being around him a bit too much, and eventually it’d probably screw him over, but for now, it was worth it. They liked going drinking Friday nights. Always some party, and if there wasn't, there was always booze for sale. They didn’t drink every week, but they did when they could. When Dan was tipsy he often lost track of personal space, and he’d bump into Phil or stand so close that Phil would wonder if he was going to kiss him. But then he’d pull away, saying something about why the government had set them up for failure, or ramble on about textual themes. He loved quoting the Odyssey. They walked through an empty field to get home most times, and it was just out of the way enough that they could see the stars, and Dan would say something about how "It is the wine that leads me on, the wild wine, that sets the wisest man to sing, at the top of his lungs, laugh like a fool – it drives the man to dancing... it even tempts him to blurt out stories better never told." And Phil just listens and smiles and wonders if Dan somehow managed to memorize the entire Odyssey, or if perhaps, he recites it in the shower. He loved Dan. That much was clear. He loved him like a best friend. He loved him a little more than that maybe, loved him like he was angry, loved him in spite and loved him in secret. And it seemed as though Dan loved him as a best friend too. And there was that love, that love that Phil had no idea what to do with, so they could drown it out with booze and homework and chit chat and stale bagels and complaining about their families/classes/experiences/lives, but you can never truly drown love, love can swim. Phil wonders if there’s a quote about that somewhere in The Odyssey. The entire story is about a man, Odysseus, trying to get back home to his wife Penelope. The journey is painful and long, but when he comes home, it was almost as if he’d never left. Phil supposed that the love between Odysseus and Penelope was buoyant too.

———— "Because of you, Chuck wasn’t there for the game. Because of you, we lost." Phil backed up, the three boys stalking towards him until he was flush against the lockers, banging against them with a little clanging noise from the cheap metal. He knew where this was going. Chuck stood to the side, cracking his knuckles. In front of him, Trevor was the one leading the assault, his dirty brown hair falling in front of his eyes. Caleb stood to the other side of him, dumping his backpack on the ground as if he didn’t want it holding him back. "It wasn’t me," Phil insisted again like maybe this time they’d listen. They didn’t, just continued pressing forwards until Phil had pressed himself so closely against the locker he could feel its hinges digging into his back. Phil’s gaze fluttered from one boy to the next, looking for any signs of hesitation, some sort of human emotion. He found nothing. He swallowed. "I have standards. I wouldn’t get anywhere near his dick." The first punch came before he’d finished his sentence, a sharp pain across his face that made him slam back against the lockers. The rest came in rapid succession, his ribs, his face, his stomach. He doubled over, gripping his stomach and desperately trying to protect his head as fingers dug into his head and shoved him to ground. "This is for being a fag!" Phil’s breathe was torn from his throat, forcefully expelled by a harsh kick to the lungs. "And this is for costing us regionals!" Chuck's voice, and a swift kick to the head. Phil wondered if he knew that it wasn’t him who he slept with, and was caught by his father. Phil wondered if he cared. Phil tasted blood. His body twitched away from every blow until he was curled up in the fetal position on the dirty school floor, and as he was being attacked on every side all he could think about was how stupid it was for him not to book it out of school as soon as he’d had the chance. A filthy shoe made contact with his face, and he tasted blood. Phil covered his head with his hands, just wishing them to go away. "What the fuck are you doing? Hey, get off of him!" The kicking stopped temporarily, but Phil didn’t dare try to get up. There was a scuffle, and then a body was slammed against the locker. Phil looked around quickly then scrambled to his feet, his assailants more busy with someone else. A new person had appeared, his body shoved up against the locker as he yelled back and forth at the bullies. A balding teacher left his classroom, coffee mug in hand. He watched the fight for a moment, then retreated back into his room, locking the door behind him. Phil was frozen in shock as Trevor was kicked backward, stumbling a meter then falling on his ass. The person was still shoving the other two away but somehow managed to rear his arm back and punch Caleb so hard he crumpled against the lockers. Dan grabbed Chuck by his greasy blonde hair and yanked his head down, making contact with his knee. Phil flinched, taking a step back so he was leant against the wall, still catching his breath but in too much shock to move. Dan spun Chuck around and slammed him into the lockers with so much force Phil’s back ached in sympathy. Dan was bleeding, a long scratch right under his eye from a nail or something. He had a split lip. But he didn’t look any weaker from it, hardly even seemed fazed. He held Chuck against the locker, holding an elbow directly under his chin, but then adjusted his hands so he was holding Chuck still by his neck. Dan panted and wiped some of the blood on his face away. Chuck's hand came up to cup his own bleeding nose, but Dan slapped it away, pulling Chuck back and slamming his head against the locker easily. "I hear you’ve been spreading rumors," Dan muttered. His voice was deep and gravelly, but he stared at Chuck easily, not intimidated in the least. "People seem to think that Phil was the one you were caught with." To his side, Travis started getting up, but before he could Dan kicked him in the stomach so hard he fell back down. "Shh, listen." Dan brought his attention back to Chuck, who wouldn’t look at him. "Who was it?" "It was you," he admitted. "You were the fag. You think you’re so special Howell, thought you could keep it a secret-" Dan slammed him against the locker again, and Chuck shut up, his hands flying up to Dan’s hands still wrapped around his neck, trying to get him to loosen his grip. Dan licked his lips. "Listen up, all three of you. Stop screwing with my boyfriend. Or they’ll be hell to pay." He let go of Chuck, shoving him down onto his knees as he stepped back. "Feels familiar, doesn’t it? You on your knees. All we need now is a broken lock on your door and your raging father, isn’t that right?" He took another step back, glancing over his shoulder and grabbing Phil’s collar, pulling him into a kiss. It was sloppy and tasted like blood, and Phil could still hardly catch his breath, and nothing was processing, because was Dan really kissing him? Dan pulled away, but still held onto his collar. They stayed there a moment, eyes interlocked, when the next impact came. Dan was thrust against the wall, stumbling to get up. Travis stood over him. "Cocksucker," he snarled, raising his foot to stomp Dans lights out. But Dan was too fast, grabbing his leg and yanking him down. They wrestled on the floor for a moment until Dan came up on top, muttering something about Travis being 'surrounded by cocksuckers' before landing another punch. They started brawling for real, hitting and punching and clawing and before Phil knew it, he and Chuck were locking eyes and running over to pull them apart before they could kill each other. Finally, a few teachers ran down the hallways, shouting something about stopping, and all five boys had just enough time to stand, regard each other harshly, and glance down one last time. "Fuck you," Phil spat, before balling his fist and punching Chuck square in the jaw before turning and sprinting away, Dan right on his heels. He hit the door with so much force that it actually hurt, but everything hurt at this point and Phil was bleeding and so was Dan and they had to get away before anyone spotted them. They sprinted around the side of school, panting turned into exhausted laughter as they turned the corner and collapsed against the brick wall. It was that type of pained laughter that physically hurt, because Phil’s ribs were definitely bruised and maybe worse, and his hands were stained with blood, and he was definitely imagining things because Dan was there too, the area right under his right eye splotchy and red. "I can’t believe-" Phil started, but they didn’t have all day for him to say everything he didn’t believe had happened, but somehow, through the pain in his knuckles in the ache of every breath, he knew it was real, it was very real. "You kissed me," he said finally, looking up at Dan with a look of respect. "You actually kissed me." "After all that just happened, that’s what you’re thinking about?" Dan’s entire face was contorted by the smile, and he looked like such a wreck but Phil couldn’t care because there was no way he looked any better. "Sorry about that, by the way," Dan added, wiping some of the blood on his lips away. "I thought it’d be dramatic. Scare them off. Didn’t work that great." "Yeah, no shit." Phil tugged on Dan's collar, pulling him close but stopping him before they actually collided. "Thanks. I appreciate it." He eyed Dan, the cut on his cheek, the split lip. "You look like a mess." "You do too," Dan agreed. "I want to kiss you again." Phil yanked him into another kiss, tasting of blood and exertion and sweat and a little bit like hot chocolate. "I’m not going to be able to stop," he admitted, halfway through the kiss. "Its fine," Dan mumbled against his lips, not even bothering to pull apart. "I won't either." They kissed for what could have been hours before Phil mumbled "My hand hurts," and they finally pulled away. ————- "You’re doing so good!" Phil handed Dan his water bottle as he took his mouth guard out, wiping his sweat away from his forehead. "Only a few more matches." Dan’s eyes had this far away look to them. He never had so much pride in anything but his competitions. It was one of the reasons why Phil insisted on coming every week. Dan drank from the water bottle as someone jogged over, patting him on the back roughly. "Hey champ, nice match! Who’s this?" Dan’s eyes sparkled as he looked at Phil. His lip had heeled, and the cut under his eye had faded, but he looked the same as he did the day they first kissed. Sweaty, with his hair plastered back away from his forehead, but so proud and happy Phil couldn’t help but smile. "This is Phil. My boyfriend." Phil’s heart literally fluttered in his chest. "Oh yeah? Phil, do you box too? Bet I could find you a decent instructor, huh?" He nudged Dan’s side playfully. Dan laughed. "Nah, Phil doesn’t box. The last time he punched someone, he broke his thumb. It’s a pretty good story though." Dan’s friend's eyes widened with interest. He looked to Phil. "Oh yeah? Tell me." "I don’t know, it’s a little crude. I doubt you can handle it," Phil teased. "Oh come on, try me!" "Well..." Phil tugged his bottom lip in between his teeth, looking at Dan as he tried to decide how mean he wanted to be. "It all started when Dan got sucked off by the most popular boy in school..."

12 Days Of Prompts Masterlist / Fic Masterlist / Request A Fic

#the odyssey #odyssey #odysseus #homer #enemies to friends to lovers #high school #highschool #highschool!AU #family\#siblings #dans dad #dan and phil #dansPHlevels #fanfic #fanfiction #phanfic #phanfiction #phan

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romanticshorts · 3 years

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3 • Double Venom - Making Love

“You know what I thought about when we were hanging out back then?”

She shook her head.

“Things that you’re not supposed to think about your friends. I felt things that you’re not supposed to feel towards a friend.” His eyes were so intense.

“I wanted to touch you, right here.” He ran his fingers across her lips. Immediately, her heart started racing. She gulped.

“Please Eric...”

“Right here,” he whispered, caressing her chest. His fingers trailed right above her breasts. Everything in her was screaming to back away from him.

“I can’t just be friends with you anymore, I need more than that,” he continued. She stood up and took a few steps back. Eric rose from the chair and reached out for her. He pulled her in, wrapping his fingers around the back of her neck. His eyes searched hers as he grabbed her waist and pulled her right up against him. She was breathing hard. He placed a soft kiss on her lips.

“I’ve been waiting for you Janie.” He kissed her again but a little longer this time. “I’ve been waiting for you this whole time.” She blinked.

“Eric...”

He grazed her bottom lip with his tongue.

“I need you,” he whispered against her lips. Janie melted into him, kissing him back. She didn’t want to admit it but Eric was it for her. Deep down, she always knew that. He moved his hands down to her bottom. There was too much clothes between them. Any other time, with any other girl he would have ripped their clothes off but not with her. He needed to do it right. His other hand trailed down her body. He bent down, getting a good grip on her and lifted her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist, burying her fingers in his hair.

“You sure about this?,” he murmured.

“Yes,” she breathed. She held onto his arms as he walked across the living room. She had been waiting to do that all night. His arms were so sexy.

“No, no. I don’t want to do this here. Do you mind if we go to your place?” He gazed at her, panting.

“Sure, is something wrong?”

“No, I just want to be alone with you. I know Cass is asleep but she could wake up and I don't really need her shit right now.” He lowered her to the floor and scanned the living room.

“Where did I put those keys? Shit, I just realized I left my car back at the party.”

“We’ll take mine. I'll leave Cass a note just in case she wakes up.” He found the keys on the kitchen counter. They left Cassie a note and raced out the front door. Eric didn’t live that far from them. They had to get on the highway but he was only a couple of exits down. She didn’t know how to feel about that yet but she was about to find out.

“I’m kind of glad you want to go to my place because I need to show you something.” She reached out and ran her hand up and down his arm.

“Oh my gosh,” she said. He laughed. Clearly, she didn’t hear him. “Eric, these are...I don’t remember them being like this.”

“I changed quite a bit when you left.”

“You’re house changed too,” she said, looking out the window as he pulled in.

“Yeah, I can’t always be a frat boy. Come on.”

His house was gorgeous. He took her hand and led her up the stairs. When they got up to his room he lit some candles.

“How many females do you bring up here? You have the candles on deck.”

She shrugged out of her jacket, tossing it on a chair in the corner. He shook his head.

“I just like candles. Is that alright?” She shrugged.

“I don’t know, guys don’t usually like candles.”

“I don’t really want to talk about candles Janie.” He pulled his shirt over his head and walked over to her slowly. She backpedaled as her eyes slid down his body. Janie had never been too much of a religious person but in that moment she was sure there was a God. Her back was against a wall. Eric began unbuttoning her shirt as he pressed his lips to hers. She ran her hand down his abdomen, relishing in the hardness of his six pack.

“Wow.” He gently pushed the blouse down her shoulders. The silence was deafening.

“Janie,” he whispered.

“Shhhh,” she responded, unbuckling his belt. His eyes never left hers. The jeans fell to his feet as she took his hands and led him to the bed. He sat down, his head turned up to her. Janie couldn’t take her eyes off of his chest. Eric reached out for her hand and pulled her to him. She straddled him taking his face between her hands. He tucked her hair behind her ear and started kissing her again slowly. His fingers crept up her back, stopping to unhook her bra. She wiggled out of the lacey fabric, tossing it to the floor.

“You’re beautiful.” They kept the kissing slow but Janie wanted to feel his hardness inside her. She ground her hips against him. He was rock hard between her legs. He pulled her bottom closer to him, moaning as she moved.

“You’re so hard,” she whispered, rubbing against him. He propped himself up on his arm, moving them to the middle of the bed. Her fingers disappeared into his boxers. He held his breath as she lowered it.

“And so big,” she added before caressing him. His skin was warm against her fingers. He laid back, removing the boxers completely. She followed his lead, pulling off her panties. Eric sat back up, widening her legs. She kept her fingers in his hair, keeping their lips together.

“I want a do over.” Eric pulled back, studying her face.

“What do you mean?” Her eyes glistened.

“Hey,” he said, touching her cheek. “What’s wrong?” She touched his lips.

“Can we just pretend that this is my first time?,” she whispered. Eric frowned. He had never seen her like this before. His eyes touched every feature of her face.

“I don’t understand Janie. What does that mean?” He ran his hands up and down her back in an attempt to comfort her.

“Eric, I just want to pretend that this is my first time okay? Make love to me like you would make love to someone who--. Forget it, it’s stupid.” A tear rolled down her face.

“No,” he said shaking his head. “It’s not stupid.” He lifted her chin.

“Hey, this is our first time together. I’ll make sure it’s perfect, okay?” She nodded. He reached between them and began rubbing the tip of his penis against her. Her fingers tightened in his hair.

“How’s that?,” he asked, his voice low.

“That feels so good.” It felt so good her toes curled. Finally, he pressed the tip inside of her.

“Don’t tease me,” she breathed. He lifted her up, then lowered her slowly. She looked him in the eyes as she moved down his length. They both sighed as he sank deep inside her. She slowly moved up and down. Eric brought his hands to her bottom, guiding her.

“How does that feel?”

“Perfect,” he whispered. She brushed his bottom lip with her tongue, riding him excruciatingly slow. He ran his fingers up her back, his hand stopping at the nape of her neck. The sounds coming from him turned her on. Their kisses were deep and thorough. He hissed as Janie moved her hips in a circular motion. She lowered him to the bed, his back up against the headboard. Her hips thrust back and forth before rotating. Janie took every thick, hard inch of him. Her hands found the top of the head board. She opened her legs even wider, tightening around him.

“Oh yes.” His hands cupped her bottom helping her pound against him. “Right there,” she whispered throwing her head back.

“You’re so wet, Janie.” He lifted her right leg slightly and pumped into her slowly as she moved back and forth.

“Ahhhh.” Her eyes rolled into the back of her head as her hips sped up. “Make love to me,” she whispered as the tears continued to fall. Nothing could have prepared her for the connection that she felt to Eric, even after all this time. He held her hips in place and continued to deep stroke her.

“Hey, slow down,” he said softly. He looked up to see her crying. “What’s wrong beautiful? Why are you so upset?” He touched her face, trying to make eye contact with her.

“I’m not upset, I’m happy.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him to take the attention off of her emotional state. She got closer to her release as her hips continued moving. Eric took his time moving in and out of her.

“Mmmhmm,” he moaned. She whined her hips, pulling him closer. Their bodies went together so beautifully that Janie knew there was no turning back. They were in sync and it felt too good to be wrong. She bucked as tremors passed through her body. Eric dug his nails into her skin, groaning through his climax. They sat there for a minute, trying to control their breathing. She held him tightly against her body and closed her eyes.

“So that’s what I’ve been missing this whole time?” He kissed her neck, making his way down to her breasts. He took her nipple between his lips.

“I could say the same thing.” She ran her hands up and down his arms. “These are awesome.” He laughed, shaking his head.

“Hey, they’re all yours.” She grinned, leaning forward.

“I want you again,” she whispered in his ear before biting his lobe. She pushed his shoulders into the bed, then planted her hands on his chest. Pushing him all the way inside, her hips started moving. She rode him, holding her breath at the size of his manhood. He filled her completely. She wanted another go before he went soft again. Suddenly the door opened.

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abadoodlesss · 6 years

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Sometimes The Job’s Worth It - Chapter Six

Read previous chapters here

Next Chapter

Summary: Finally, we make it to the bunker, of course not without a few bumps in the road/some life-altering news for Jane.

A/N: There’s going to be a kind of drastic canon divergence because I came up with his story before really thinking about if it works within the rules set by the SPN canon. Instead of waiting to post and trying to come up with a new plot/spoiling the whole series for myself by doing too much research (quick thanks to @winchesters-favorite-girl for answering my question so I didn’t have to get major spoilers), I’m sticking with my original plan even if it breaks a few rules. I hope you can forgive me 😅😅

Fourteen hours.

From the dingy motel in Ohio to the bunker in Kansas.

Jane was stuffed in the backseat of the Impala, squished between the boy’s duffle bags and her own luggage for thirteen hours so far. Only another hour to go, but it felt like an eternity. She was ready to kill someone, possibly herself at this point, as the wheel from her luggage whacked into her temple for the thousandth time.

Dean had insisted that they drive straight to the bunker, only taking breaks for food and the bathroom. He sat now in the driver's seat, slightly regretting that decision as he stared intently at the road, trying to keep his eyes open. He refused to let Sam drive, even for a few hours. Dean just wanted to get everyone to the bunker as soon as he could.

His eyelids were starting to flutter closed. He quickly shook his head, refocusing on the road rather than how tired he felt. Dean didn’t sleep well last night. There was something in the pit of his stomach, a queasy feeling that kept him tossing and turning for a few hours before he was able to fall asleep.

A yawn slipped past his lips. He let his heavy eyelids close just for a moment.

It was either Sam and Jane’s yelling or the honking from another car that caused Dean to shoot up and swerve the Impala back into the right lane.

“Holy shit.” Sam muttered under his breath. “Pull over.” He demanded.

“I’m fine.” Dean insisted but with one look at Sam’s Bitch Face™, he complied.

Dean pulled over onto the side of the road, rubbing the tiredness away from his eyes.

“You need a break.” Sam said, opening the door so he could switch seats with Dean.

“I’m fine, Sammy.” Dean growled back, gripping the steering wheel tighter as he blew out a breath.

Sam scowled. He knew something was up with Dean. He was acting slightly jumpy and a little more gruff than usual. He was so focused on the road, barely wanting to take breaks. It seemed like Dean was trying to hurry, what for, Sam didn’t know.

“Well, I could use a break.” Jane called from the backseat. “Can we stop somewhere, get something to eat?” “Yeah, I could use a stretch.” Sam added.

“We’ll be at the bunker in less than an hour.” Dean said.

“I’m going to die of starvation if I don’t get some chips in this stomach.” Jane cried.

“You can wait forty minutes, I promise.”

“This is child abuse.” She grumbled

“Alright, fine, quick stop at the next gas station.” Dean said, defeated, throwing Baby into drive and heading back down the road.

“And then I drive.” Sam added.

“I really am fine, Sam, just a little tired.”

Sam looked unconvinced but dropped the subject. “Alright, just find a gas station before Jane eats her own arm off.”

Jane was perusing the candy aisle as Dean searched for some snacks, Sam trailing behind him.

Out of the corner of his eyes, Dean could tell Sam was staring at him. He looked like he was trying to decode something important, concerned and confused yet determined. Dean decided to ignore the look, rather focusing on what bag of chips he wanted.

“Are you alright?” Sam asked after a few moments of staring.

Dean sighed. “How many times have I told you I’m fine?”

“You don’t have to lie to me.”

“I’m not lying, Sam.”

“You are, which is more concerning because I know you’re hiding something.”

Dean didn’t see a reason to keep things from Sam anymore. Sam would eventually wear Dean to the point where it’s just easier to tell the truth than to deal with his incessant questions and worry.

Scanning over to the top of the aisles of the convenience store, Dean found Jane was perfectly out of earshot, deciding between a bag of pretzels or cookies.

“It’s Jane.” He admitted, turning to Sam.

“What about her?”

“Something’s going on.”

“Want to try being less vague?”

He didn’t want to be specific. He didn’t want to be right.

“It’s just the demon attacks, I mean twice now in just a few days…”

“Dean I told you, our life is dangerous and you decided to wanted to drag Jane into it. We’re going to have to accept that-”

“No, Sam, I think they’re targeting her.”

“Haven’t you learned by now, Dean? When people get close to us- You see this is why I didn’t want-”

“No, this isn’t about us. They were coming for Jane before she even knew who we were.”

“I think you’re thinking too far into this Dean. I mean, what would they even really want from Jane? She’s just a normal girl, like everybody else.”

“I know, I just- I want to get to the bunker and-”

The bell above the door to the gas station gave a cheerful ring, interrupting Dean’s sentence.

A petite woman walked into the convenience store. She was wearing a large coat, the fur lined hood covering the majority of her face. The woman stood on the doormat, scanning the store quickly before her form rippled and she was suddenly in the same aisle as Jane.

Dean was sprinting before Jane even noticed the woman.

“Hi, Janie.” The woman called, taking off her hood.

Jane turned, dropping the bag of chips in her hand as she came face to face with the same demon woman that attacked her last night. The woman grabbed Jane’s arm with a wicked smile as Dean skidded into the aisle.

“Back off demon bitch.” Dean said, firing three bullets into the arm grasping onto Jane.

It wasn’t enough to kill the demon, but it was just enough to make her draw her arm back in surprise, giving Jane the chance to rip her arm away. She ran behind Dean as Sam came into the aisle, throwing Jane behind him as well.

The teenage boy sweeping the floor let out a slew expletives as he ducked behind a display of candy canes. “I-I’m gonna call the cops if you don’t get out of here.” He called from his hiding spot, his voice wavering.

The demon woman - Christine, as Dean knew her - rolled her eyes. She flung the poor boy against the wall, leaving him to crumple on the ground with a groan.

Sam broke away from his brother to attend to the boy laying limply on the ground. He dragged the boy behind the counter, checking to make sure the kid was still breathing.

Dean kept his gun trained on Christine, though he knew it wouldn’t do much good if it really came down to it. Jane stood behind him, clutching onto the back of his jacket, her hand had a slight tremor in it.

“Why don’t we make this easier on everybody? Just hand over Janie and I’ll be on my way.”

Jane’s grip tightened on his jacket as she cowered behind him. All Dean wanted to do was assure her everything was going to be fine, but he wasn’t too sure himself.

“What do you want with her?” He asked as Christine came forward, unafraid of the puny gun trained at her.

She disappeared from Dean’s sight, appeared behind Jane, twirling her finger around a lock of Jane’s hair. “She’s a very special girl.” She said, circling around the two. “Very useful.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jane asked, finding just enough courage to speak up.

“You, sweetheart, are destined for very great things.”

“She’s not apart of anything you’re plotting, bitch.”

“Oh but she is. Janie here has very special blood coursing through her veins. The blood of Cain and Abel.”

Dean’s heart dropped for a second. He knew demons weren’t the most trustworthy, but if she was telling the truth, the implications were catastrophic.

“She’s not a Winchester.” Dean said, praying for a moment that what he was saying was actually true. Jane deserved better than being a Winchester.

“How self centered of you, Dean. You don’t have to be a Winchester to be a descendant of Cain or Abel.”

Jane came out from behind Dean. “What does that mean?” She asked hesitantly.

“Jane.” Dean warned trying to step in front of her but she wasn’t listening.

“Let the girl speak, Dean.” Christine said, flinging Dean into the shelves.

“Dean!” Jane cried, afraid to move but desperately wanting to help Dean up. The demon stalked closer. Jane felt herself freeze.

“Your blood it very special. You have to power to be the vessel of someone very important.”

“What-”

“Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus. Adiuramus te, cessa decipere humanas creaturas, eisque aeternae perditionis venenum propinare.” Sam’s voice projected around the store. He sat behind the counter using a phone from the wall to call over the intercom.

The demon’s mouth opened wide as she let out a pained scream, a cloud of black smoke shooting out and flying away.

Sam flung himself back over the counter, coming to Dean’s side.

“I’m fine.” Dean said as he got up with a groan. He cradled his right arm to his chest as he winched.

“What the actual fuck just happened?” The boy asked, groggily peeking over the counter.

“I’d like to ask the same thing.” Jane said.

“Let’s just get to the bunker first, okay.”

It wasn’t really okay. Jane had questions buzzing around in her mind. Everything the female demon said confused her but also spiked her curiosity. What did any of it mean?

She internalized her thoughts as the three of them left the convenience store, Dean checking one final time if the cashier boy was alright.

She sat silently in the back of the Impala, squished again with an uneasy feeling in her stomach.

They arrived outside of the bunker. Sam and Dean grabbed their bags, taking out Jane’s luggage while she looked at the scene before her.

She climbed out of the car at looked up at the looming brick and concrete building.

Dean came beside her, handing Jane her luggage. “Let’s head inside.” He said, making his way to a short staircase that led down to a door.

“Wait this is actually like an underground bunker?” Jane asked. When they told her about the bunker she assumed it was just a safe place, not an actual underground concrete box underground. She had seen war movies of compact, cold, claustrophobic rooms with bunk beds and no space. The idea of living in such a small space made her a bit anxious.

“You coming?” Sam asked. Dean was already inside but Jane had just been staring at the door.

She grabbed onto her luggage and followed behind Sam. It couldn’t be too bad.

Walking inside, Jane forgot bad was even in her vocabulary. The place was extraordinary, not to mention massive.

“Let’s go find you a bedroom.” Dean said, leading Jane past everything she wanted to explore. Sam tagged along, promising to give Jane a full tour afterward.

They came to a long hallway with hundred of doors.

“That one’s mine.” Dean said, dropping his bag in front of his bedroom door.

“And mine’s down there.” Sam said, pointing a few doors down.

“Besides that though, you can pick any one you want.” And she did. Jane chose a door an equal distance from both Sam and Dean.

Opening the door she found a rather plain room. A queen sized bed was centered against the back wall. The walls were painted beige and there was a single dresser on the right wall, opposite a closet door.

“It’s a bit plain, but you’ll have time to make it all your own.”

Dean wasn’t wrong, the room was boring, but it was hers. She had a place to call her own. After traveling from motel to motel or spending hours in the Impala, it felt nice to have a place to really live in, to have privacy in. It was almost strange to her though, to have a bedroom again. To have a place that functioned as a home again. To be apart of a semi-normal family again.

“It’s perfect!” Jane said, running into the room and jumping onto her new bed. “Finally, I have some space!” She said, spreading out her limbs.

The brother’s chuckled from the doorway. “I’m glad you like it.”

Jane sat up. “Thank you, guys.” She said softly, feeling overwhelmed at the moment at the idea that her life was getting back to normal but also that it was so different. She was thankful though, she knew she could be in much worse places but she was lucky enough to have the Winchesters. “I honestly owe you so much.”

“Don’t sweat it, kid.” Dean said, dismissing her gratitude that he always felt like he didn’t deserve.

“No really. I don’t know where I’d be right now without you guys. Probably dead but you keep me safe and you care about me and” She was getting a little choked up. “Sorry.” She said with a sniffle and a laugh. “I’m being so dramatic. I just appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”

Dean’s chest felt warm, like his heart was swelling. He was happy Jane was happy. But there was the underlying feeling that he shouldn’t be so happy. Jane didn’t know how bad their lives got. She didn’t understand that her life would, in turn, be the same disaster filled existence.

“I think you’re gonna make Dean cry.” Sam said, partially trying to deflect attention from himself as he was sort of moved by what Jane said.

“Yeah, no chick flick moments in this family.” Dean joked.

He saw Jane’s eyes shine when she heard the word family. God did she deserve a much better family than the Winchesters. She deserved the world but the Winchesters could only offer inevitable heartbreak. One way or another, the universe was going to ruin what little joy Jane brought to the boys. That’s how it works. When you get closer to the boys you get closer to disaster.

“Right, I solemnly swear to only have action movie moments.” Jane said, rolling off the bed and coming to stand with the boys. “Now, take me on the most badass of tours, man.”

“Language.” The boys scolded.

“What? You want PG rated action movie moments?”

Sam rolled his eyes as he gave a chuckle. “Let’s get moving, kid.” He said, giving her a little shove down the hallway to start the tour.

Dean’s phone started ringing. He checked the caller ID on his phone.

Castiel.

“I’ll catch up in a second.” Dean called. “Show her the library without me so I don’t have to watch you geek out.”

Sam and Jane left him behind, heading for the library Sam loved so much. Dean smiled at the pair as they retreated down the hallway, Jane failing to keep up with Sam’s long strides.

He turned his attention back to his phone and accepted the call with a hint of worry.

“Hello? Dean?”

“Yeah, it’s me Cas. Is everything alright?”

“Not exactly, no. But this is a matter better discussed in person. Where are you?”

“The Bunker. Wh-whats going on?”

“It’s Jane.”

Of course.

#supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural imagine #dean winchester #Sam Winchester #castiel #OC #reader #winchester sister #winchester daughter #dean x reader #sam x reader #castiel x reader #in a platonic kind of way #demons #angels

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