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#layers of my dumb joke:
luckychinacat · 3 months
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comfycel · 1 year
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ppl don't understand that we know connor sucks we know he's an awful human being and we wouldn't support him if he was a person irl but we also understand he's a product of his upbringing and he's delusional to the point he doesn't see the damage he's done so liking him as well as liking the rest of the roys doesn't mean we justify/ignore their actions, we just connect to the humanity they show in the show (lmao)
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relaxxattack · 7 months
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ive noticed people seem to struggle with understanding how “strilonde bits” work. they think that irony is purely about something being shitty in a meaningless, one layer joke.
do you think dirks room is filled with puppet memes because he actually hates puppets? do you really think rose lalonde purchased squiddles merch to wear and then hot-topic-ified it because she hates the squiddles? do you think dave wore the sunglasses john bought him every single day for the Ironies because he actually thought they were shitty and dumb??
the homestuck writers themselves really thought rose would name her own daughter “yiffy”. because oh haha isn’t that a shitty and funny name to saddle a child with. no! that’s not how their brand of irony works!
rose lalonde would name her child something overly grandiose but not technically horrible like “coraline constance jones laika lalonde harley”, then wink and nudge at everyone about how Sophisticated the name was; as if to say LOOK how silly it is for parents to be fancy about that shit.
but in reality rose managed to pull the book coraline off the shelf during one of her mother’s worse lapses at age 9 and read it eighteen times in one night relating to the main character so hard she cried. and she chose that name for her daughter partially because it’s near and dear to her heart, but also because she hopes her daughter never has to feel as neglected as rose did as a child.
like… i know the extremely painful mischaracterization in hs2 has been beaten into the ground by fans by now, but the idea it purports that rose lalonde is straight up mean and uncaring, especially towards her own child, still leaves an incredibly bitter taste in my mouth all these years later.
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amourrs · 17 days
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it’s senior year and you hate ellie williams. you hate the way she talks to you- the semi-texan drawl that comes out every time she teases you, grating against your ears and drawing heat to your face. you hate the way she cuts her hair- the fluffy layers of the mullet she cuts herself over the sink, so damn soft and attr— no. fuck. what are saying? you hate her, her and the way she stares at you every chance she gets: in class as you get into another fight with the teacher over yet another assignment set on a bullshit misogynistic book, from her bike as you avoid her gaze after school ends for the day and slam the door of your car so hard the tires bounce, from across the street in town as you accidentally meet her stare and tear your eyes away, praying desperately for the evil eye to land upon her. you hate her big dumb combat boots- the huge clumpy soles and ugly laces and the logo of a riot grrrl band you introduced her to stickered on the side, beginning to peel away from the surface. (really, you’re more pissed about the sticker than the boots.) you hate the way she reads your mind- god, you want to hit her. you hate her so much it makes you sick, it even makes you rhyme- “stop looking at me, you prick! suck my dick!” screamed angrily across the parking lot when you catch her staring. you hate the way she’s always right, like when she said she knew a little part of you found her smoking attractive even though you criticised her for it. you hate it when she lies- like when her head was squeezed between your thighs and her mouth was licking a firm stripe up to your clit and she swore you were heaven and she would never do anything to hurt you. you hate it when she makes you laugh- her flippant jokes at everything that make your lips tilt against your own will, heart racing faster as you bite back giggles. you hate it when she makes you cry. prom. what jesse said. the money. how she was paid to date you. ellie’s guilty face. how it was all a fucking act- but the worst part? is that even now, after you’ve sworn off ellie williams for good, you hate it when she’s not around. and that the thing you really hate is that after everything went down, she didn’t even call. but mostly, you hate the way you don’t hate her— not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.
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trashmouth-richie · 1 year
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Eddie x Fem! Reader [vol ii]
Summary: you were desperate for a roommate after Nancy got married and moved out. An ad in the paper goes unanswered until someone comes knocking on the door.
W.C 3.8k
Trigger warning: enemies to lovers trope, eventual smut, language, crude behavior, Eddie is a fucking menace 🖤 this will be a series 💋
{a/n} I probably should have added this when I originally posted it. But I’m a little dumb— anyway, this is my submission for @newlips ’s milestone of love hope you all enjoy it 💋 I truly enjoy writing and I wouldn’t be here without the support you all as readers/ fellow writers bring to me every single day! Thank you all from the bottom of my heart ♥️
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He wasn’t your first option for a roommate, in fact he was so far off your radar for a potential housemate, you damn near shrieked when you saw him. But when nobody had showed up besides him to view the small two bedroom house that you were forced to sublease after your roommate got married— you didn’t have a fucking choice. It was too expensive to run another ad in the Hawkins Post and summer was coming to a close. You were fucked.
“You’re fucking kidding me,” you snarl as you throw open the door to see his stupid grin. Always too toothy, too goddamn endearing. Made your stomach bind up. “No, no way.”
Standing in all his sadistic leather glory was Eddie fucking Munson. He’s taller than he used to be, still a long haired asshole, reeking of weed and cheap deodorant. What kind of sick twisted joke is this? Did you really piss off mother karma that bad that you have to live in a separate, more fucked up layer of hell? Fuck you Dante, and your inferno. There’s not a single other person in this town who needs somewhere to stay?!
He pushes his way into your home, leaning forward with a shit eating grin, eyes hooded and winking as your lips curl in disgust. “Nice to see you too sweetheart.” He taunted. Licking his lips as he stalked past you, his filthy work boots tracking dirt onto the carpet.
“Yuck — do not— call me that,” you hissed, you stand with your hand still on the knob, not fully committing to wanting to shut the door— praying that he was some sort of a hallucination.
“You gonna show me around, or should I raid your panty drawer while you sulk?” A dimple dips into his cheeks as his stupid grin grows wider on his face.
You slam the door with a thud, “kitchen, living room, my bedroom, the other bedroom, bathroom, garage, laundry in the basement.” You’re practically shouting, as you stomp around the small space, pointing to the direction of each room, taking a grand total of twenty seconds to point everything out, not giving a fat rats ass if he was following you or not. His laugh echoes off the walls, taunting you, making your skin crawl and your ears itch. You turn around to find him quick on your heels, your face almost smashing into his grease covered work shirt.
He doesn’t move, or make any attempt to step away from you, forcing you to put the space between you both, stepping back and smoothing down your hair. His eyes kill to yours, dark swirls of muddy browns searching your own, he asks, “Why do you get the bigger room?”
The fucking audacity of this man. You could wring his neck right now and nobody would even know.
“Excuse me?” You question, peering into his chocolate eyes, waving a finger in his face, “maybe because It’s my fucking house, you’re lucky if you’ll get a room at all.”
He leans his head back with a laugh, letting it slam forward as he deadpans, creeping forward and stepping around you, waiting til he’s behind you to whisper in your ear, “I’m lucky? That ad was in the paper for over a week,” he seethes, “I bet I’m the only one who showed up to view the place, so nice try, Tooty— but you’re desperate for the cash.” He wasn’t wrong, you were desperate, the salon paid okay but Josie just upped the price on your rental chair, making your mortgage almost impossible for you to pay on your own.
“…I’m doing you a favor. So, if you want me to pay rent and utilities, then I’ll, so graciously, be taking the bigger room.” His breath fans across the back of your neck, making the hairs stand up, and goosebumps riddle your skin. You turn to face him, hands on your hips trying to show how serious you are.
“I know it took you like four times longer to graduate than anyone in United States history, but you can’t possibly be this damn dumb.” It was a cheap shot and you know it, but who does he think he is? Barging in here with demands like a fucking A list celebrity. Not today, mother fucker.
A comment that would have normally made anyone else burst into tears, or at least leave hollering ‘bitch!’ as they stomped out to their car, only fuels Eddie’s perverted fire, “Ooo, an insult and a scolding, what’s next a spankin’?”
Your hard-ass facade drops, your face faltering to one of disgust instead of stern, don’t-fuck-with-me, boss lady, “Get out, Munson.”
“Nah, I think I’ll stay.” He saunters towards the kitchen table and pulls out his wallet, of course its a chain wallet, you roll your eyes as he starts forking over an impressive amount of bills and sets them down, one by one.
“Here’s my first month, last month and deposit.”
The total is way more than what you’d even told him but you're still tongue tied from his comments, he lives for this shit and you had fallen for it—rookie mistake.
“I’ll be back in a few hours to start moving stuff in.” He smiles widely, moving towards the door, “See you then, roomie.”
His figure haunts you for the next few hours you have left of peace. His smell lingers around the house, you shove open every window you can, including the one that was painted shut by the previous owners. He was so fucking annoying. Is that supposed to be charm he was throwing at you? Fucking barf. The only thing you were feeling was rage, and that you needed to shower after feeling his breath on your skin. Lighting every scented candle you can find, Sugar cookie and beach sands will do— the smell slowly wafts out of the windows. You shower quickly, figuring better do it now than after he arrives, the dreaded walk in a towel from the bathroom to your room was something you hadn’t thought of until this second. Hot water sprays against your skin, assaultingly hot, almost blistering the skin on your back.
You are seething, raging mad. If you were a cartoon, smoke would be funneling out of your ears. Mocking him, you think of better comebacks than you had thought up earlier. Scrubbing your skin until you resembled a lobster, and angrily scratching your scalp. “What’s next a spankin?” GOD he’s so nasty, the sheer nerve of him makes you want to throw a toaster into the shower with you. Nothing a few volts can’t fix. You towel off, looking at your reflection in the mirror as you wipe away the condensation. The stress of the day slowly melted off as it was rinsed down the drain.
You’re applying your eye cream when a—loud as fuck— knock on the door shakes the walls.
“Honey, I’m home!” Eddie hollers as you peek through the glass. He’s carrying a duffle bag and a 30 pack of Busch Light. 3 smiling idiots are behind him, two passing a joint back and forth while balancing a very worn mattress, the other swaying on the sidewalk holding a guitar, most likely already drunk.
Tucking the tail end of the towel wrapped around your head into itself, you fling open the door, “Jesus Christ Eddie, will you shut up! I have neighbors you know!”
“Oooo— first fight!” One of the idiots with shaggy blonde hair preens.
Your glare could compete with lasers against his skin, prying through his epidermis and burning the vessels.
Eddie lets out a laugh, “aww sweetheart, I didn’t know you were planning a slumber party!” he says gesturing to your towel and pink robe. “Give me about 30 minutes and I’ll be braiding your hair and you can paint my nails, give me all the hot gossip!”
You turn with a huff half closing the door behind you. The gaggle of idiots roaring with laughter at Eddie’s joke.
He pushes through the door into the house, tossing his bag onto the table, knocking over the napkin holder and the stack of mail, letting out a loud sigh. He rips the thirty pack open on the side, making the beers crash to the floor. You still your eyes and cross your arms, unamused by his stupid antics. He cracks one open, slurping up the spray of suds as it puddles around his hand and down onto the carpet. He kicks a beer towards you and raises his up in triumph. “Here’s to you roomie, Home Sweet Home!”
You’re so fucked.
-
“Robin, I’m seriously going to kill him. I don’t care if I have to go to jail—anything would be better than this!” you whisper-yell into the phone, you watched Eddie and his band of misfits bring in box after box, most of his stuff was in black plastic garbage bags. They formed a line throwing the bags to one another and the last one haphazardly tossing them into his room.
“Oh relax! A hunk like him moving in and you don’t even have to pay him? You just hit the jackpot!” She giggles on the other end of the phone, smacking through her licorice.
“More like jackass with all the shit he’s moving in.”
You’re hunkered in your room, between the wall and your bed, twirling your bedroom phone cord through your fingers, “Seriously the place smells like weed so bad I’m probably getting a contact high as we speak.”
Robin lets out a throaty laugh, “Might do you some good, you’re so fucking tense all the time.”
“Sorry—” you say, twiddling the blue carpet fibers through your fingers, “I’m just stressed after Nancy moved out is all.” It wasn’t a lie, Nancy moving in was a huge relief to you, she took care of almost everything. Organizing bills, scheduling pest control when needed, she even wrote the garbage pick up days and hung it on the garage door. With her gone, this all falls on you. “What if he steals my stuff in the middle of the night and bails?”
She curses your full name, “He may be a lot of things, but a thief is not one of them—seriously you have nothing to worry about, calm your boobies!”
“Boobies!” Steve yells, joining the room Robin was in, “it’s Eddie, he’s a total nerd, you’ll be fine.”
“If he’s so great Then you can live with him Steve!”
“Nope, no can do,” he says around a mouthful of food,
“I gotta keep this clumsy oaf on a short chain”
“Oh, you’re dead Harrington.” The phone drops and all you hear is squealing and thudding of feet running around.
“Robin! Not my shampoo! ”
“Steve? Robin?” You wait in silence as the line goes dead, “Uhh!” Slamming the phone into the receiver you hear Eddie and his leather clad Barbarians holler goodbye to one another. One too many “see ya later man” ’s and you’re practically puking. You open the door to your room and poke your head out. Watching closely as Eddie tears through garbage bags, unloading heaps and heaps of clothing, an entire bag dedicated to just band shirts, another revealed bedding that was quite literally rolled up and thrown into the bag. A quick sniff test has him turning up his nose.
The kitchen is taken over by Eddie’s stuff, more bags, more boxes, a cookbook titled: The Dungeonmeister Cookbook is sitting on the stove. A stack of Burger King collectible Disney cups is cluttered around the microwave. Along with an impressive amount of neon twisty straws and a bowl with a straw connected to drink the milk.
It’s like a small child moved into your home instead of a grown ass man.
Opening the fridge to get an apple, you can’t help but notice Eddie also moved some refrigerator items with him as well. Two big bottles of hot sauce, more beer than the local bar probably holds, a half drank carton of orange juice, and a giant jar of pickles, without a lid. Huffing with annoyance you step over Eddie’s bags of shit and get a knife from the drawer to slice the apple. The loud shrill screeching of 80’s metal almost makes you cut your finger. Stomping into Eddie’s room with your fuzzy slippers you don’t bother on knocking before you look for the plug to his cassette player, unhooking it from the outlet and pointing the knife in his direction, you all but scream in his face, “I almost cut my fucking finger off! Turn it down or I’ll cut the goddamn cord!”
He’s sitting crossed legged on the floor, cassettes littering his lap, his eyes almost bored, “aww Tooty I’ll play with you in a little bit, daddy just has to get some things done first, ‘kay?”
You roll your eyes in disgust, did he seriously just refer to himself as ‘daddy’?
“God you are foul,” you retort, throwing the cord down onto the carpet and placing the knife on a nearby box, “wouldn’t surprise me if you were a dad.”
Eddie throws his head back with a chuckle, “why? You into dad bods? Listen sweetheart, my metabolism will slow down eventually, gimme three—four years max and I’ll be all gut.” He flashes his pearly whites towards you and winks.
Ignoring him completely, your nose scrunches. “Stop calling me that!” your heart is pounding in your chest fury on high, “what the hell is that?”
“That,” Eddie says batting his eyelashes, “would be my masculinity wafting from my aura to yours, why does it turn you on?”
You fold your arms over your chest, and shift your slippered feet beneath you, “Do you have a certain amount of disgusting phrases you have to get out throughout the day or are you just naturally this nauseating to be around?”
“No idea, anyway,” Eddie continues, standing to his full height and shucking off his jacket and tossing it to the ground, “I’m gonna order a pizza you want in?”
“Maybe you should finish unpacking,” you say taking a quick glance around the clothes strewn everywhere around the room, “it’s a fucking mess in here.”
Eddie leans in close eyes ghosting over your features as they gawk over your lips, “well, sweetheart, maybe if you had given me the bigger room— like I had asked for— I would have enough space to put my stuff, besides,” he says, standing up and leaning backwards to crack his back, a small trail of hair peeking out from his waistband makes your breath hitch in your throat, “I bought dressers and they’ll be delivered on Monday, so my clothes don’t have a place to go right now, unless you wanna split your closet?”
“I’d rather drop dead.”
“Aww don’t do that, far too pretty to be dead, and what would the neighbors think?” He strips off his shirt and throws it in the corner of his room, your eyes dart away but not before catching a glimpse of his pale skin.
The small tattoos he had in high school are slightly faded with time, new ones are inked down his arms, across his chest and down his side. You can’t help but notice the silver hoops pierced through his nipples as they reflect light and draw you in towards his chest. He’s lean but built, no defining abs but the muscles in his arms could be carved from a sculptor, replicating a greek statue. Surely minutes have gone by but in reality it has only been seconds, you don’t even realize he’s still talking.
“…don’t need to give the cops more of a reason to watch me more than they already do.” He drops his eyes to your face, seeing you peek at his body. A grin is plastered to his lips as they curve upwards, he stretches his arms out wide, the veins in his arms protruding further out, oh what you’d give to just touch it with your hands, your tongue— wait what?—“Shit,” he says, drifting forward, your body pulling away from him, “looks like you aren’t into dad bods after all.”
Your cheeks flare red as you stomp out of his room, his joker laugh vibrates the walls as you slam your door. Throwing yourself on the smooth purple cotton of your comforter, and screaming into your pillow.
Nobody ever got under your skin the way he is. Why are you allowing him to frustrate you this much? He’s a boob. A pimple on your ass. That annoying twitch that your eye sometimes does when you don't have enough sleep. Yes, the festering wound, the bad rash that kept coming back, the burn in your belly, the thorn in your side— is now your roommate. Fuck.
A knock on your bedroom door, brings you back to your current state of throwing a hissy fit. You launch your cup of pens that adorns your nightstand at the door.
“Does that mean you don’t like pineapple on your pizza?”
-
Thank God you showered before Eddie started unloading his stuff, because he has been in the bathroom for at least a half hour. You’re sitting on the couch, the same rough, itchy upholstery that used to take up way too much space in the Wheeler’s basement. But a $20 bill and Nancy promising her dad that she would mow the lawn for the entire summer of ‘91, and it was now yours. Karen would sigh with relief that the ugly furniture was leaving, meaning her living room would get an upgrade as their now living room furniture would find solace in the basement. No longer stinking of cheesy pizza farts and bad B.O., or screaming threats from middle school boys about the inner demons of DnD, Mrs. Wheeler would come to miss the yelling, and the rotten stench of boys running amuck in her house. Nancy parted with the under stuffed, well loved, hideous piece of furniture when she moved in with Jonathan. So now, the outdated, wagon wheel patterned couch, was all yours.
The smell of finger nail polish fills the living room as you attempt at painting your toenails a shimmery blue that you had gotten at the mall with Robin. A fuzzy navel wine cooler tucked between your legs, you’re trying hard to get it finished before a new episode of “The Nanny” comes on. Eddie is singing in the shower, loudly. You recognize the tune as “Come As You Are” by Nirvana. Not that you were admiring the way his voice sounded. You were just surprised that a twenty six year old weirdo actually knew good music. The doorbell rings, snapping you out of, yet again, another strange spiral of thinking about Eddie Munson.
“Eddie!” You holler from the living room, “door.”
“Money’s in my wallet, just pay the dude quick and I’ll be out in a minute.” He yells back from the shower.
“Eddie, I’m busy— get the fuck out here and do it yourself.” There is no way you are walking around with wet toenails, what the hell was he thinking?
“I’m in the middle of washing my ba— “
“Alright! Fine!” You walk on your heels to the door, opening it quick to find a Hawkins High student in a red hat with the pizza logo on it.
“That’ll be $19.50,” he says with a less than enthused remark.
“Hang on,” walking back to the bathroom on heeled feet you knock on the door, “where’s your wallet?” you ask in a hurry through the door.
“Uh, my jeans I think,” Eddie yells back. You cross into Eddie’s room, looking around the mess he made, realizing the only thing he managed to make an attempt at organizing was his never ending cassettes, a few records, and an old record player. Posters decorated every wall. Metallica, Nirvana, Judas Priest, Black Sabbath, and White Zombie. The clothes were piled high in a mountain of leather, flannel and white cotton socks. Not a single pair of jeans that you could see. His bed sat on the ground, cluttered with notebook papers, dice, and tightly rolled joints.
“Eddie!” You yell from his room, “where the hell are your jeans?”
A chuckle echoes in the bathroom, muffled slightly by the spray of the shower head, “they’re in here, sweetheart.” His voice dripped with smugness and sweet notes of laughter.
Fuck it, we don’t need pizza. I can eat cereal. I’ll just tell the pizza kid to leave and Eddie can fend for himself. Fuck this.
“Tooty?” He calls from the shower, enunciating every syllable. “Come on,” he sings, laughing to himself, “I promise I’ll stay behind the curtain. You won’t see a thing— unless of course— you want to.”
You barge through the door, fumbling through Eddie’s jeans pockets, finding the black leather of his chain wallet and yanking out $25. An idea crosses your mind and you can’t help but go through with it. A flick of the lights had Eddie cursing every word imaginable as he was cast into darkness.
Thrusting cash into pimple head’s hand and shutting the door, you walk into the kitchen to get some plates. Eddie emerges from the bathroom. His hair is dripping in long strands, and your robe is wrapped right around his body, barely covering his southern region. The pink terry cloth material lined with lace looking absolutely ridiculous on his tattoo covered body.
Oh— this mother fucker.
“Are you seriously wearing my robe?” You ask, hands on your hips, nails digging into the cotton pajama shorts you’re wearing.
Eddie does a spin and swings his hips in a circular motion, his dick swinging like a helicopter.
“Well sweetheart, when you so rudely turned the lights off on me, I was forced to find the first thing I could to dry off with, and besides— you can’t deny how good I look,” he says, wiggling his eyebrows, smiling the widest smile you had ever seen from him.
A lump of anger and sheer rage catches in your throat, “you’re repulsive,” you say, turning away from him and tossing pizza onto plates.
“And you,” Eddie says sliding beside you, his breath fanning your cheek, the cold drops of water from his curls pressing into your shoulder as he grabs a greasy slice of pizza straight from the box, “are extremely uptight.” The whites of his teeth bite into the cheesy triangle and chew loudly as he smacks his lips, licking the orange grease from his lips.
Anger boils in your belly, filling your veins with agitation so thick they’re bound to clog up. “I. Am. Not. Uptight,” you seethe through clenched teeth, and closed eyes.
“Yeah, sure sure,” Eddie says, mouth full of pizza, and his eyebrows raised, “whatever you say.”
You weren’t always this high strung. But having everything ripped away from you, would make anyone pretty goddamn bitter to the lemonade life had to offer.
vol ii
volume ii
A/N: thank you to everyone for reading this and continuing to support my crazy ideas. Thank you to everyone I had beta this story—@agentmarvel @pinkrelish + @sweetsweetjellybean you all push me to be a better writer and I am forever grateful for that ♥️♥️🖤💋
Taglist: @luna-munson83 @tlclick73 @idkidknemore @joejoequinnquinn @newlips (omg, they were roommates)
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doki-doki-imagines · 2 months
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PLS PLS CAN YOU DO THAT CHAT THING WITH KAISER, NESS, SAE AND NAGI WHERE READER TEXTS THEM SAYING “your face is so pretty I just wanna sit on it” AND THEIR REACTIONS😍😍
author note: Idk how to use fake sms app so I went for an ol' classic gif reaction.
Michael Kaiser:
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-What is he looking at? At his reflex on the mirror obviously. -A laughter starts to blossom from his chest, already pushed out like a proud rooster. -He slicks his hair back, blue eyes shining with joy. Michael licks his teeth, perfect as he is. Damn, anybody would like to sit on his face; he is so fucking handsome. -He picks his phone up ready to message you something along the lines of "C'mere. I'll give you the ride of your life." Michael smirks, proud of coming up with such a hot line(it isn't). -But the message you sent got deleted. -His eyes bulge out almost cartoon style. Did he dream about it? Was the message from someone else? Michael checks the other chats, but nobody messaged him. -He doesn't want to message you about that, he isn't desperate! But a voice in the back of Michael's mind screams at him. -"?" He sends back. "Did you need something?" "No, Michael. Thanks for worrying." You reply immediately. -His heart picks a worryingly fast beat. You replied way too fast. A lightbulb turn on in his head, but the idea he comes up with is pretty risky. Michael feels blood running to his ears when he finally presses send. -"If you are free wanna come over? I need help choosing the new bed covers."
Alexis Ness:
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-He is mind-numbing happy. After all, it is a pretty nice compliment to read from his crush. -If Alexis had a tail it would be wagging left and right now. A dumb smile is plastered on his face while he keeps looking at his phone. -"What are you looking at, Ness?" It's Michael's voice calling him back to work, mildly annoyed that the other boy's attention wasn't fully on him. "Oh- It's nothing, Kaiser! Let's go back to training." Alexis hides his cell phone under the last layer of his gym bag. Michael doesn't dig further for once. -When Alexis opens his phone back the sun already left his place for the moon. He obviously forgot about your message 'till he reads the new ones. "Have I crossed any boundary, Alexis? I'm sorry if it happened." "Please I don't want our friendship to be ruined by this." His heart sunk to his ass and climbed back into his throat in a matter of seconds. -Alexis calls you, clearly worried. You pick up fast for Alexis' heart health. "I'm so sorry I didn't reply sooner! I had practice and I had to go then-" he keeps blabbering "I'll do anything for your forgiveness." "…Anything Alexis?" "Yes." "I wasn't joking when I sent you that message…my or your place?" "Yours. It will be my pleasure." He says, voice finally calm. -He wasn't joking.
Sae Itoshi:
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-"I must have forgotten the part where I asked your opinion." -HE IS RUDE. -Sae knows it is a joke. A stupid one to try to tease him. He may not be the brightest mind, but he understands what you are trying to do. -He goes back to training like nothing happened. Then he showers and all of sudden Sae has the urge to add another line to the previous message he sent. -Meanwhile, you replied with a ton of sad emojis and other dumb blabbering Sae's mind doesn't even register. -"Anyway I prefer to eat it from the back." Sae smiles thinking he has just sent the king of the comebacks, an earth-shattering line. Soon he gets a reply, that makes his smile drop. "I must have forgotten the part where I asked about your opinion." -Maybe you are really made for each other.
Seishiro Nagi:
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-What a nice message to receive. Not. -You are hundreds of kilometres of distance what is supposed to happen? Honestly thinking is tiring him out. -Seishiri sends you the thumb-up emoji and throws his phone somewhere on his bed, pc already turned on to play the newest game. -But now a worm dug a hole in his head, making Seishiro thinks about the message and not at his ranking flopping; such a noob behavior. -He thinks about your soft thighs pressing his ears, your warmth enveloping his face… -Seishiro facepalms, fingers messaging his temples before brushing away some of his snow white hair strands away from his forehead. -He doesn't even notice he already dialed your number. -"Talk dirty." "What? Muddy pants? Sweaty shirts?" "Don't play dumb. It's all your fault if I can't concentrate now. And don't let me explain, it's bothersome." You chuckle at the other end. He can feel the mirth in your voice. "Sorry angel. You'll have to work if you want the prize." -He groans in annoyance, head thrown back. -It seems like Seishiro will have to break his "5 days doing nothing useful" streak.
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superectojazzmage · 11 months
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Said in my review of the movie, but easily one of my favorite aspects of Across The Spider-Verse was the Spot. Like, maybe I’m biased because he’s one of my favorite underrated Spider-Villains but he was SUCH a great choice for the bad guy in this movie and they wrote him so well, perfectly capturing his story in the comics.
They really bait you out into thinking that he’s this cute, adorable, dorky, and harmless joke character, the sort of dumb “villain of the week” that Spider-Man swats on his way to real problems and never does anything especially evil, but then they start peeling the layers back and you slowly realize that, no, this goofball dude is actually a completely ruthless, bloodthirsty, vindictive, and depraved murderer who will do ANYTHING in the name of getting even with the people who piss him off in anyway whatsoever and his powers are only superficially goofy at best, being nightmarishly powerful when applied properly. And all you’re doing by laughing at him or beating him up is encouraging him to get even stronger so he can come back and kill everyone you love as a personal “fuck you” because he doesn’t care how many dead bodies it takes to make people take him seriously.
He starts the movie as a generic low-level RPG enemy and ends it as a nigh-unkillable superboss stacked down with game-breaking stats. It’s incredible.
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loviingpedri · 5 months
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Hi! Can you write a Jobe fic where he and the reader are play fighting and she says another guys name as a joke (she’s pranking him) and he gets upset😭 (established relationship)
loving this idea.
always gonna be you - jobe bellingham
prompt: request ^
warnings: grammar issues, play fighting
credits to owners for all images.
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young love. nothing can beat it.
there’s so many ways to express it. even in the most aggressive way.
“jobe! can you get the icing out of the refrigerator? the cake should be cooled.”
“it smells delicious. can’t believe you made all of this yourself.”
“i’m just that good, right?” as jobe placed the bowl of icing down, you grabbed a spatula.
turning around and mixing the icing, jobe got a brilliant idea. spreading the first layer of it down, jobe put icing on his finger and waited for the perfect moment.
“y/n, look at this!” faking a situation, you looked at him unaware. soon, you had frosting on your nose.
“oh you little devil.” grabbing some from the bowl, you also put some on his nose. jobe grabbed you from behind and squeezed you as you attempt to fight your way out of his grasp.
then the idea hit.
“michael! put me down!” then he stopped shaking you. he slowly let you go.
“what?” poor jobe, he seemed so hurt and confused.
“what?” playing dumb was your favorite thing to do. you felt terrible, but his reaction was priceless.
“who’s michael?”
“i don’t know a michael.” it was difficult to suppress your smile. you tried walking away, but jobe grabbed your arm.
“y/n, who is michael. you just said his name!” he was getting angrier by the moment.
“i said your name, jobe! calm down. i don’t have any idea of what you’re talking about.”
“stop acting dumb. you clearly said his name.” jobe was now pouting. he was about to walk away from you, but you started laughing. “what’s so funny?”
“jobe! it’s a prank. calm down. i really don’t know a michael. i just said whatever name to get your attention. please stop being mad.” giving him a nice bright smile, you could already see he forgave you.
“that wasn’t very funny. almost stormed off for a second.”
giving him a hug, “you’ll always come back. it’s always gonna be you in my life.”
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moonknixght · 1 month
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Fooling Steven Grant HCs [afab reader]
CRAZY CONCEPT but just hear me out wc: 760
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⋆ The whole thing started the night Steven came over after an extra shift-- to see you peeling off a transparent mask that stuck to your skin. Naturally, It didn't look like a face mask, but instead more like an actual layer of skin.
⋆ Obviously Steven isn't dumb enough to think that it's actually your skin…
"Does this brand of mask hurt when you're removing it?"
Unless….
⋆ ..Unless you've seen countless trends of people playfully gaslighting their boyfriends about 'shedding' after periods. And obviously, this was too good of an opportunity to give up.
⋆ "What mask?"
"Th-? The one you're taking off right now, love."
"Steven… that's not a mask.."
"Wh-"
"It's skin! I'm doing my monthly shedding."
⋆ Oh the confusion in his face was palpable. At first it was like, 'You're joking, right?' kind of bewilderment, denoted by the dopey smile on his face while his brows knitted in confusion.
⋆ but that declined into actual confusion and surprise when he noticed your expressions didn't have any sign of goofing off. Only you were aware of the struggle of holding it together.
⋆ "Girls don't.. shed.. do they?"
"They do, Steven."
⋆ You could almost feel bad for him. But your reassurance kinda made him back off for a bit and retreat back into the bedroom. You were disappointed that he didn't have a crazy reaction.
⋆ But boy were you in for a treat when you came back to the bedroom. Of course, Steven, was obsessively scrolling through his phone, eyes concentrated on the headlines but as soon as he noticed you step in..
⋆ "Doesn't say anythin’ about shedding, does it? No."
He sooo proudly showed off the phone screen to you, but you already saw this coming. You knew Steven like the back of your hand, of course he was going to try sass you.
⋆ "Yeah.. that's because it's a secret. We don't really say it to all men. Because of like.. the salem witch trials. Imagine if everyone found out that women can shed skin like a snake."
⋆ He was going to call it ridiculous, but you somehow made sense, in a very, very odd way. But That didn't mean he was completely going to trust you on this yet, even if he loved you to the end of the world.
⋆ "But what about the men that know? Like.. me."
⋆ "Think about it Steven, I wouldn't be making this so obvious if I didn't trust you enough to hold this huge secret." (that was the first truth in a bed of lies, you did trust Steven with alot of things)
⋆ The best part was that you can see his brain short-circuiting. Steven is one of the most smartest people you know, so seeing such moments is very very special
⋆ Now the thing is, practically, he has small social circle, Which means the people he can ask this to is also minute. Obviously he cant ask this to Donna!
⋆ He's tried Marc but Marc is kinda gullible, the moment he broke this to him, Marc believed it because it wouldn't make sense why you'd lie?
⋆ Surely Jake can help! He's been involved with many women before, right? That's what he claimed. Anyways, Jake admits that it's true. Because god forbid Jake loses a chance to fuck with Steven
⋆ Layla came around the other day, and his mistake was asking her right infront of you. All you had to do was to show Layla the 'look' behind Steven's back, and she caught on easily
⋆ "You told him?" Layla said, just as Steven noticed that she was looking at you
⋆ but that was the nail in the coffin; Steven actually believed that women shed their skin
⋆ It was a quiet month after that incident, that even you forgot about it; until you got your period again and by the end of the week, he actually showed up with moisturizers and sweets because "It looked like it hurt to peel a layer of yourself off" :(
⋆ Steven, your sweet summer child, had bought you care products because he actually believed what you said
⋆ Obviously after that, you let him in on the actual secret that it was just a transparent mask sheet and his immediate reaction was rejoicing that he was right
"I wasn't going crazy then!! Women don't shed!!"
⋆ The absurdity of that sentence was just amazing, that you couldn't help but laugh and subsequently, it makes him laugh too
⋆ Ending the night (and this horrendous lie) by sharing the chocolate Steven bought and talking about it together is most definitely a welcome conclusion <33
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minkdelovely · 1 month
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love and power
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chapter three “is this the life that lies ahead now?”
Alastor x Fem!Reader ; MDNI 18+ ; [y/n] used sparingly ; Alias in Hell is Sylvie
tags/warnings: drinking on an empty stomach (do not attempt in real life, but this is hell baby), allusions to poisoning, reader is hungover and has a poor appetite, uh oh art thou pining?, slow burn eventual: smut
word count: 2.8k
prelude ; chapter one ; chapter two ; chapter three ; chapter four ; chapter five ; chapter six ; chapter seven ; chapter eight
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After getting some water you tried falling back asleep to no avail, tossing and turning for at least an hour before deciding to call it quits.
Leaving the hotel in the middle of the night wasn’t the best idea, but you felt like you’d start tearing at the wallpaper if you stayed in your room. Cliche as it was, fresh air had always helped you relax while you were living. You thought back to the family garden and sighed. You’d give anything to be able to sit there now.
Your thoughts drifted to your father as you changed out of your pajamas. Things had changed so much in your day-to-day after coming to the hotel that you realized you couldn’t remember the last time he had crossed your mind. You felt a tightness in your throat when you tried to remember what he looked like. It was hazy, but he was mostly there; strong with a brilliant smile. How long would it be before you couldn’t remember him at all? Even the way you heard his voice in your mind didn’t seem completely right, an imitation of a memory.
Was he doing okay? Was he still mourning you? Or did he think you were just missing? Did the money go through? Did he know what you did for him to get it? There was no way to know.
“Can’t sleep?” 
You jumped at the sound of Husker’s voice, so lost in thought and determined to get out of there that you hadn’t noticed him at the bar. It wasn’t surprising that he was still down here, though, being just before midnight. In fact, the real surprise was that he was here by himself. You decided to put leaving on pause and made your way over to him, taking advantage of the rare moment of privacy. Besides, what good would it do to dismiss Husker when he had been so discreet about this morning?
“More like slept too much,” you said, sighing as you took a seat across from him. 
“Could’ve fooled me,” Husk jabbed amiably, turning to grab an empty glass. 
You groaned. “Well there goes my hope of looking better than I feel. I was thinking maybe a walk would help, but—” Husk gave you a look, rightly making you feel sheepish. 
“Didn’t go so hot this morning, huh? Thought you’d have better luck at night?” he said, half-joking, and passed you an amber-colored drink. The worry must’ve been showing on your face, as he cooly added, “Don’t worry, it’s been a ghost town in here for over an hour. It’s still only me and Angel who know about what happened.”
“Is he at work right now?” you asked, relaxing a little and took a casual look around. “I really don’t know how I can make it up to you both. This morning I…,” you sighed again and ran a hand through your hair, feeling the exhaustion seep back in. “I don’t know. Hopefully I’ll just forget about it, or convince myself it was a nightmare or something. But I’m sorry you had to see me like that.”
You recalled your reflection in the mirror before you showered, unrecognizable to yourself under the layer of gore caked to your skin. 
Husk waved his hand, but the softness in his eyes felt like a rock in your stomach. “Don’t worry about it, we’ve both seen crazier shit in our time. But yeah, he’s been gone for most of the day. Said Valentino was having an ‘emergency’ but I have my doubts. He’s always pulling Angel in for dumb shit.”
You nodded and finally took a sip of your drink, shocked by how much you enjoyed it. A pleasant bitter taste lingered in your mouth, and you had to actively fight the urge to chug down the rest of it.
“Valentino’s his boss, right? Alastor’s done a pretty good job of keeping me preoccupied, but I think I’ve heard you guys talking about him before.”
“That’s the simplest thing to call him, I guess, though I prefer to call him an asshole,” Husk grumbled and you both shared a small laugh, the alcohol already making you feel lighter. 
A comfortable silence fell between the two of you, Husk refilling your glass as you rested your head in your hand, gazing through the windows to the city below. Would you be able to pinpoint the alley if you concentrated hard enough? Someone had to have stumbled on him by now, right? Like his little sidekick… Did he ever go back for Donny? Something else clicked into place as you thought of him and the events of the morning: unless someone came after you for retribution, you would get away with it. That’s just how life is here.
No missing person report, no investigation, no forensics, no trial, no jail sentence. Weren’t you already “doing time” by being here? It’s not like you could add on to it. Not that you intended to do it again, but it was a step in the right direction of making peace with yourself. Maybe you really would forget about it someday, maybe not. There were some things that stuck with you forever.
The image of your grandmother came to you then, the last time you had spoken with her. She was sitting in her favorite chair near the fireplace in the library, her face set in the ever-present scowl you resented so much. She really was such a miserable creature. You saw yourself place the tray of tea and almond shortbread cookies down on the dark-lacquered, antique coffee table between you, knowing it would the last thing she ever ate. And tried to fight the smile pulling at your lips.
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“It occurred to me in the night that you still owe me something from the butcher,” Alastor said casually, his face buried in the newspaper. Irritation shot through you quick as lightning, but you prevailed against the urge to dump the coffee you were bringing him all over his lap. 
As the grandfather clock in Alastor’s room chimed the hour, the pulse in your head threatened to kill. Apparently hangovers were very real in Hell (because of course they were), and this one was a doozy. Husk had only given you three drinks, but since you had wrung yourself so dry it was  enough to leave you feeling like absolute shit. Beyond some water, the only thing you managed to ingest so far this morning was a piece of plain, burnt toast to try and soothe your aching stomach. It had taken all you had to keep it down. Needless to say, you weren’t starting the day in the best of moods.
Not that you ever thought Alastor would take it easy on you anyway. The look he gave you when you showed up in your new dress was so self-satisfied that it made you want to crawl under a rock. And when he said that you looked like death warmed over, you wanted to use said rock to knock his teeth in. It was the first you had seen of him since the incident in your room yesterday, though you tried not to dwell on the fact that he had returned at some point while you were asleep. In the grand scheme of his behavior you’ve been exposed to, that was really the least of your worries. 
Through the veil of annoyance you found yourself looking at the mug in his grasp, remembering the strength of his hand holding your chin. Your breath shallowed as he brought the rim up to his lips. Fuck. Tearing your eyes away, you did your best to swallow the lump in your throat. This couldn’t be happening.
He was just toying with you yesterday. Nothing new, you told yourself. It’s obvious to anyone with eyes how much he enjoys feeling superior. Not that you had ever seen him pull a stunt like that on anyone else, but who knows? It’s not like you were with him every second of the day. Even in this very moment, he was messing with you. 
Was it your fault that he had only grabbed his clothes off the filthy floor of that alley and left the other bag to rot? Of course he’d see it that way, and if your headache wasn’t as terrible as it was, you might have told him exactly that. Especially considering that you were already out money for the liver, and he was more than likely expecting you to pay again.
“I’ll head out after I’ve finished with your room, unless you’d prefer I go now and clean when I get back,” you answered smoothly, hoping he’d give you permission for the latter. How he had even managed to track in the dirt you saw on the area rug was a mystery. You just knew that it would keep you busy for a decent amount of time and you weren’t looking forward to more scrubbing on your hands and knees. “And if the clothes are ready to be picked up again, I can get those, too.”
Alastor peered over the newspaper, eyebrow raised, his eyes and smile alight with mischief. “My, someone’s eager to be in my good graces today! No need to bother with the laundry, but I hope you won’t mind if I join you going into town. I don’t feel like staying cooped up in the hotel. Go ahead and clean now, I’d hate for those stains on the rug to set. Besides, you know how I despise coming home to a mess.”
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While he waited for you to return after freshening up, Alastor took a look around his room, admiring the results of your hard work. You were turning out to be much more resilient than he had anticipated. Though your expression was hardly ever enthusiastic, you’d never be able to tell by the way you cleaned. Someone taught you well, he thought to himself, breathing in the scent of cleaning products that nearly overpowered the floral almond you always left behind. So pleasant.
Though if he was being honest, he was starting to run out of ideas on how to keep you busy. He would mess up the bed, despite rarely sleeping in it, and leave his housecoat, shirts, and bowties draped over various pieces of furniture for you to pick up and put in their proper place. The mud and dirt on the rug had been a last-minute stroke of genius, but it wasn’t something he cared to repeat too often. God forbid he became predictable. 
There was part of his room you didn’t have access to, and Alastor doubted that he’d ever let you see it — nor anyone else, for that matter. It’s not like it was a space you’d be able to clean in a traditional sense, anyway. After the hotel was rebuilt he thought it would be a nice idea to separate his serene bayou from the rest of the living quarters. Remembering how Vaggie had so rudely barged in on him in the past, it wasn’t something he was keen on happening again. And it was comical to watch you glancing at the locked door, pondering what could be behind it. 
He knew he couldn’t keep you cooped up as his personal chambermaid forever though, unless he wanted to be hounded by Charlie and Vaggie about it. Which he decidedly did not want. And he could admit that this cleaning game was getting stale… How could he switch things up before he tired of you completely? How could he get you to show him another spectacle like yesterday?
A knock at the door snapped The Radio Demon out of his thoughts.
“Alastor? Can I come in?” Charlie said from the other side of the door. By the tone in her voice, he could tell she was here to discuss business. He sighed quietly to himself and went to the door, swinging it open with a charming smile. 
“Why of course, my dear! How may I be of service?” Alastor closed the door behind them and led her to one of the chairs by the fireplace, taking the one opposite her and crossed his legs, neatly folding his hands over one knee. “It’s just the two of us. Sylvie left to go spruce up before we head into town,” he said, noting how Charlie was glancing around the room.
“Oh, good!” she sighed, putting her hand over her chest in relief. “That’s, um, kind of what I came here to talk to you about. I know you’ve been…,” she paused, hands dancing as she searched for the right word, “…acclimating her to working here — and I don’t want to step on your toes — but I think it would be really nice if she could join in on daily activities. No one has really gotten a chance to get to know her yet, and I’d hate for her to keep missing out on opportunities to bond with everyone.”
He had jinxed himself, but at least it was only the princess he had to deal with.
What to do? It’s not like he could say that your cleaning skills needed improvement when evidence to the contrary surrounded them; the room was pristine. He could argue that it would be prudent to keep some level of permanent staff unless they wanted to be in a never-ending state of training new hires, but something told him that wouldn’t be the best approach. At least not for now. Alastor had no intention of letting any souls under his contract be taken from him, for redemption or otherwise. Still, seeing the others develop their relationships with each other had been fun to observe. How would little Sylvie fit into the dynamic?
“I suppose I’ve been a bit selfish with her, haven’t I? I’ll be sure to leave room in her schedule starting tomorrow, but I hope you’ll understand that mornings are sacrosanct,” Alastor said agreeably, straightening his coat as he stood up from the chair. “Unless there was anything else, I’ll go and tell her the good news.”
Charlie followed suit, grin wide and eyes sparkling as they made their way back to the door. “Of course! Oh, thank you Alastor, you have no idea how excited I am!” It was impossible not to. Her enthusiasm was nearly contagious. “Vaggie and I are thinking something up right now as a surprise for everyone, but the details haven’t been totally worked out yet. I’ll let you know as soon as possible though — gah! I can’t wait for tomorrow!”
Alastor merely smiled in response and they parted ways in the hall. He wasn’t thrilled to be losing his monopoly on you so soon, but knowing that he now had to be more intentional with his time was invigorating. Curious to see how you’ll react to being invited to group activities, he made his way to your room, already hard at work thinking of new ways to push your buttons.
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You were surprised to see Alastor in the hall when you opened your door, since you had been instructed to return to his room when you were finished touching up. The quick jump-scare he caused sent a fresh wave of throbbing to your head and you hissed under your breath, unable to stop yourself from massaging your temple.
“You’re up to something,” you grumbled, walking past him to make your way to the elevators. 
He feigned offense, easily stepping into stride with you down the hall. “Chivalry is lost on you twenty-first-century souls! I don’t know why I bother.”
You glared at him from the corner of your eye, taking in the sardonic look on his face as you stepped into the elevator. It was best not to push your luck with him, considering you still had an entire outing in Cannibal Town to get through. You were about to say something when the elevator stopped after going down a couple floors, the doors opening to Angel Dust. He looked exhausted. 
When the two of you made eye contact, he glanced away, the air in the elevator quickly turning nervous as he walked in. Was it because of yesterday? Maybe Angel hadn’t been as comfortable with it as Husk made it seem… Suddenly he hit a button, stopping the elevator in its tracks. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, steeling himself. 
“Hey, so… you know how you came home lookin’ like fuckin’ Carrie yesterday?”
You felt Alastor’s static humming in the space between you; the first reaction he’s had since Angel came into the elevator. 
“I wanted to apologize sooner but—”
Angel waved his hands, cutting you off. “No, no, please, you don’t have to,” he said, a small laugh escaping him. “Look, uh… I’m only bringin’ it up cuz I just gotta know.” He was actively fighting a smile as he continued, “The trouble you ran into? His name wasn’t Donny, was it?”
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tag list: @fairyv-ice, @wat4r
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thisfanisgonesorry · 8 months
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HIII ! CAN YOU DO HOBIE X FEM!READER. 😍
So basically they Reader is having a shower and Hobie appears in her window and hears that she is in the shower , then he joins her and like fingers her & eats her out 😘
( srry if this is toooo much to ask 😖)
ty!! dw, its never too much of an ask <3, sorry it took me a little bit mwah x
tags: god i love puns, smut, estab, vaginal fingering, pussy eating, shower sex, clothed sex, the gloves stay on, light temp play, women and their scalding hot showers smh, light pov switch. light mentions of poc hair care yaa
🕷
He slinked in through the apartment window, his eyes scanning and noticing that there wasn’t a sign of life anywhere. He closed the window behind him, his ears perking up at the sound of an active shower and he moved slowly towards it.
He removed his mask, placing it on the kitchen counter as well as a bag of what he intended to be a thoughtful act. He carefully opened the bathroom door and sighed softly at the sight, is it really peeping if it’s your girlfriend? The door shut behind him with a quiet click and he squinted his eyes at the light layer of steam that filled the room. 
He finally stepped into the shower, turning the cold water tap and resting his chin on the shoulder of his unsuspecting victim lover.
I arched away from the suddenly colder water, “Hobie!” I hissed, trying to pull out from underneath it completely but his strong body held me in place as his arms found their home wrapped around my waist, holding me flush against him.
“Darlin’.” He spoke sweetly, he smiled at the contrast of our greetings and started pressing soft kisses into my skin, nuzzling the wet hair out of his way. “Lookin’ lovely, as usual.”
My fingers reached to adjust the temperature again and he quickly caught the hand, bringing it to his mouth and pressing kisses on it.
“Yeah, yeah.” I rolled my eyes.
“What? ‘M not sayin’ that ‘cuz y’re naked.” He pressed a strong kiss on the base of my neck, feeling me melt under the contact and planning to leave a hickey. “Well.. I am but not ‘cuz only that. Y’re beautiful. With clothes ‘n’ everythin’.” The grin on his face was a large, cheesy one, he knew how corny he sounded and it was completely intentional.
“Mhm, that’s sweet, and this has nothing to do with you joining me fully clothed?”
“Don’t got a lotta time. Jus’.. Swung by for a visit.” His kisses got more ‘passionate’ as he mumbled into my neck. “Got you food, gonna be back later.. We’ll, uh, watch a movie or somethin’. Pro’ly cuddle.”
“Not have sex?”
“Love, we’re shaggin’ right now.” He joked softly as his hand dipped lower, feeling his way to the part he loved most. “Needed y’so bad.” He sighed. “Couldn’t focus on shit.”
I tried to move us further away from under the water, but stilled when his fingers pressed between the lips, pressing against the warmth with a low groan.
“I’d ask ‘how’s work’ but I think this is a good answer.”
“Tells you all you need to know.” He agreed. “Need to fuck this cunt s’fuckin’ bad. Almost got hard on the job.” He laughed softly, his hands moved slowly back and forth between the lips and he stifled a whine into the flesh of my neck.
“This is one way to greet me then.”
“Y’were undressed, all pretty f’me, what was I meant to do?”
He retracted his fingers before I could reply with something snarky and pushed me against the shower wall, my back flinching against the coldness.
“You just won’t let me have a hot shower.” I cursed.
He let out a low chuckle, silencing me with a kiss on the lips before going downwards, leaving a trail from my throat to my belly button. His hands rested firmly on my hips to the point where if he wasn’t wearing gloves, you could pinpoint the crescent shapes his fingernails would leave by digging in so harshly.
He pressed a kiss on the ‘mons pubis’, looking up with his large brown eyes. He had a dumb grin on his face as he glanced down to eye up his prize after a long day.
“Hobie, your hair.” I chimed in with realisation as the water continued to drizzle over us lightly.
“Couldn’t care less.” He mumbled, lifting one leg over his shoulder and holding onto my thighs tightly, making sure I wouldn’t slip. He pressed a kiss on my clit, closing his eyes as he basked in it.
“Hobie—”
“I don’t care.” He growled again, feeling the water drench his side and knowing that I’d mention it. “I’ll deal with it later, right now, need you.” He groaned, as he dipped his fingers into the warmth, his gloves creating a rough texture that dragged against the walls.
His desperation took the floor as he did all that he could, his fingers pressed all the right spots against the squishy walls, knowing just where to go to blur my senses. He needed this; he needed to taste me on his tongue to get him through the last few hours of the day, and it was evident in the way he desperately sucked and lapped at what he could.
“Come on.” He pleaded. “Love how y’taste s’good.”
I took a handful of his already wet hair, tugging on it to make him work where I needed him to; he’d already have to fix his hair later so I wasn’t hesitant to manhandle him, knowing I couldn’t make it worse.
He started to grind my hips against his face, moaning pornographically at the harsh grip I had at his hair. “Like that.” He mumbled into the flesh, letting the slickness coat his face.
“Like that.” I mirrored with a breathy moan, throwing my head back despite the overwhelming need to watch him devour me.
“Want y’to cum on m’face.”
“Gonna, fuck, keep going.”
He knew the perfect ways to use his hands (obviously), and he knew exactly how to get me right to the edge on his own whim. 
“Y’gotta make it quick before the city realises ‘m gone.”
“Hobes, baby.” I moaned loudly before biting my lips. “Mhm, it’s gonna be quick.” He groaned in response to my words, digging his face closer, letting me feel the vibration against my skin.
“Love you.” He mumbled to himself, trying his earnest to keep as much of it in his mouth as possible, inwardly punishing himself for wasting a single drop.
I let out a loud cry, covering my mouth with a stifled moan. “Neighbours’ll hate us. It’s barely 6 pm.” I joked knowing if he ate with any more vigour, he’d probably eat me alive. 
“Let them. Close?”
I pushed my hips forward, moving where his fingers hit until my legs almost collapsed beneath me. I held onto his luscious hair tightly. “Yeah.” I breathed out.
“Love it.” He mumbled into the flesh. “Love when y’grab me, tell me what to do ‘nd make me fuck y’jus’ right.”
“Shit.” I cursed out, feeling the way his mindless praise went in one ear and straight down to my stomach. I was slowly gaining in volume as his actions continued meticulously, working me towards finish. 
“Can feel it. Y’right there.”
I grabbed harshly onto his hair, tugging him as I felt it right about to hit me like a wave I could drown in. He let out a whiney moan, his eyes closing in bliss as the vibrations rattled through me.
“Y’can do it.” He praised, feeling the helpless clenching around his fingers as I tensed up beneath his touch. “Want.. Need to taste y’r cum.”
“Ah! Fuck! Shit, Hobie—”
My cries fell on deaf ears as he didn’t let up his actions, seemingly unaware of my warning as he continued to (practically) abuse the sensitive spot inside my walls. I tried to bite back as much as I could, though my volume would peak past any form of muffling, making it all futile. 
I arched myself into him, crying out as he looked up at me with intense longing; he basked in every detail of my face as I took all he’d give me, riding out the wave. I saw white and slumped against the wall weakly, relaxing around him and he retracted his fingers slowly.
He hesitantly moved his mouth away after a moment of making sure he collected everything he could, placing the fingers in his mouth, trying to get the slickness off the fabric of his suit.
“Jesus Christ.” I huffed. Parts of his face still glistened with my own spend, and after a moment, he wiped his face away from the excess, though he wasn’t pleased with himself for wasting any.
“That’s what I needed.” He panted with a grin, pulling away completely and standing up from his knees. He pressed a chaste kiss onto my lips. “You gonna be alright on your own?” He hummed, holding my hips and moving me back under the water.
“Mhm, course.” I nodded
He turned the hot water up, and I flinched at the sudden change, though relaxed quickly as the warmth washed over me. “I’ll see you later tonight.” He spoke, kissing me again quickly before carefully leaving the shower, trying to not get water through the entire apartment.
We both pretended to ignore the tent in his suit pants which would hopefully disappear within the next few minutes or else the tabloids would probably have a field day. 
“Enjoy the rest of your shower.” He spoke, letting the bathroom mat soak up as much of the wetness from his feet as possible. 
“Enjoy the rest of your ‘shift’.”
He gave a weak two-finger salute before quickly leaving the bathroom. Briefly, I could hear his damp feed padding around on the wood floors before he was leaving the apartment and going back to his duty.
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hdusa · 9 days
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that was my first time watching a lifesteal stream in like 6 months i dont know what is going on in season 5 at all . the red sky was kinda awesome. guns were scary. i hope u kill more people soon ^_^ will be trying 2 tune in more - @renchant
I can try to summarize the entire season in like 3 paragraphs it’s going to be so terrible and long I’m so sorry watch me do it here we go
So basically… lifesteal season 5 begins…. There’s a group called the PMC that consists of MinuteTech LeoWook and ClownPierce and since they’re all big strong men they beat up every other team on the server. Eventually the PrinceZam + Pangi pirate team group up with Gucci Gang (Bacon Parrot Mapicc) to beat them up because they’re really strong and scary. Eventually Clown stops logging on so they feel the need to form a new team called the Phantoms with Vitalasy Jumper and Reddoons and they go around jumping people by staying logged out and then all logging in at the same time after someone’s lured to a location. It got them a PrinceZam kill but they failed against Mapicc and Bacon. Tons of fights happen that are just PMC vs Gucci Gang + Me or LaLa Legion (Spoke Ash Ro Planet) vs Us or whatever. Eventually new members get added, Squiddo Pentar Jepex Wemmbu. There’s a gay wedding between Parrot and Ashswag. Squiddo kills the entire server at a birthday party. I made 200 backup maxed out armor sets. Midmystic makes Pangi and I an awesome pirate base and lastly a chunk of the server lowkey stop logging on.
Because of the void left by the players that are now gone (Parrot, Vitalasy kinda, Reddoons, Poafa, Woogie, Vort3x etc) Mapicc and I have no choice but to find a way to make things awesome again. We build a void trap at spawn and try to lure Minute and Planet over, successfully killing Planet (this is ok because he’s a 20 heart monster this season btw!!) Bacon joins us and decides we need two extra members so we invite Pentar and JumperWho as well. Together we formed a team called The Abyss, a group of players that want to revive the server by destroying it. By making ourselves the big bads of the server every time people logged on their goal was to kill us so that we’d stop making our void hole at spawn bigger. They tried other things like filling the hole with water and obsidian but those all got fixed relatively fast. One of the things they did was find my secret base and steal all 200 of my armor sets. This made me really mad so I destroyed the entire PMC base. After months of constant fighting over this big dumb hole to the void at spawn eventually we come up with an end goal. We were going to turn the entirety of spawn island into void. While working on this insanely large project we get jumped and after like 5 battles where Planet just keeps dying but his teammates live, he bans himself in the void hole. Before doing so he asks what our goal is so I told him activity, and he says “well in that case I guess in a way I’ve beat you”. This was like cold asf so we immediately switch gears deciding we need to make our plan way awesomer and cooler so we add a puzzle for them to solve!! It’s super long and if they couldn’t finish it in 7 days the entirety of spawn would be turned to void. Our team immediately got to work running big bedrock break machine and cleaning out layer after layer. However, as this is all happening Wemmbu Squiddo and 4CVIT reveal that they have a massive canon that will blow up literally EVERYTHING on the server unless we give them 50 hearts. They blows up 4Cs entire beautiful base to show they’re not joking around. Minute and his group are able to find the canon and break it saving the server but for a moment the entire server was united against Wemmbu and his team. The Abyss goal was completed before our final project even began which sucked, but we kept moving forward. To get people interested Minute (temporarily) added Rekrap2 Back To The Server!!!! He was here to help them finish the puzzle and after a week of us racing to void everything while they solve our puzzles, it was over and they had won. The 5 of us now had to jump into the void but that’s when JumperWho revealed she had been a mole the whole time. For 3 months of constant work on the void hole, she was betraying us. Relaying everything to Minute and his team. Filled with rage Mapicc decided to bomb her base but ended up with Clown Leo Minute Jumper and potentially more on him. I came to help but I wasn’t ready to fight Jumper, somebody I’d been allies with for 3 months. I managed to escape but I couldn’t believe it. Afterwards Pentar also left our team leaving just Mapicc Bacon and I.
The next paragraph is basically everything that’s happened since so basically the last month or so. To fix the lack of order on the server players could now run for God! Mapicc, Minute, Squiddo and 4CVIT/Reddoons decided to run. Simultaneously Branzy was now working on a carnival which was really cool! During one of the games I rigged it so that Jumper would die which was silly revenge but then for serious revenge me and Mapicc tried jumping her. Unfortunately she got Minute to save her leading to us losing badly. Afterwards the presidential god stuff starts taking priority and to campaign we ask a bunch of people to vote for us. In the end we came 2nd place, and Pentar as well as Pangi voted against Mapicc. Pentar made sense since he never said he would vote Mapicc, but Pangi had quite literally betrayed all of our trusts by voting for Squiddo. Also Minute came dead last despite helping everyone on the server regear and also saving them from void and the canon which is hilarious. The winners were 4C and Reddoons who instead of actually running themselves chose to give their presidency to CaptainSparklez! It takes him a while to join and during that time period to fill the lack of things going on Mapicc and I start an all out war against Jumper. It started with a silly spar against MinuteTech that ended up turning into a 2v2 against Jumper as well. We got them to run the first time around but the 2nd time we just lost badly. The next day Jumper said she’d deliver stone from Vitalasys old base to Midmystic so we hid in Vitalasys base all day long. It was taking a while so I changed my discord pfp and name to match Mids and got her to log on 😭😭. Once she showed up we killed her. Minute logged on and she ended up coming back but we escaped with me on the brink of death. Because of this they were angry angry at us but we didn’t care we wanted to make them more mad. We started base hunting and found Minutes somewhat old base for the anti abyss people. While searching the base Minute showed up so Mapicc got there and we 2v1d him. During the fight we spawned a wither in the base bombing the area and revealing a third of the 200 armor sets I had stolen from me during the void arc!!! Eventually Jumper showed up so we decided to run away taking our win. But after this we had another fight where they jumped us at my base and we ended up losing after an extremely long and hard fought battle. Before this I forgot to mention but Bacon Mapicc and I brainstormed a team name as well as an end goal, SPOILERS NO LIFESTEAL MEMEBRS READ BEYOND THIS!!!!
STOP IT! DO NOT READ AHEAD LIFESTEAL MEMBERS!!!
Essentially we wanted to reset the server to how it was on day one, breaking apart every team and then resetting every area back to how it looked on day one. With this goal in mind I realized we’d need to actually be able to kill people so I needed to get past being on 9 hearts. 4C/Red made hearts literally uncraftable so I had to kill. This segment is really cool there’s a 10 or 20 minute clip of everything that happens and if I tried to explain it I wouldn’t do it any justice but I’m sure somebody will link it below. Anyway after the awesome clip moment I’m evil now so I try to kill Pangi. I lead him to our old day one base and get him to help me repair it but he is wayyy too sus of me. I eventually muster up the courage to block off the bases exits and ask him over and over why he voted Squiddo, as this was supposed to be revenge for that. However, MinuteTech logs on and arrives at the base leading to them 2v1ing me but I end up escaping. We scream at each other before I leave to set up a new base. Later that night Pentar calls with Mapicc and I to join our team. Thanks to him I’m basically able to fully regear myself after losing almost everything to all the fights we had with Minute and Jumper. I end up on 12 hearts by this point and I think that’s most the shenanigans wrapped up, all that’s left is the captain sparklez stuff which this specific asker has already seen I think. For anyone else I personally believe this should be vod watched!! Up to you of course but I’m sure someone else on here would be willing to summarize that specific event sometime.
I spent an hour writing this on my phone before bed and I can’t believe it took this long. I thought it’d be shorter. Sorry!
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Ellie Williams x f!reader
Summary: You wake up in the middle of the night with Ellie trying to cut her hair on her own.
Warnings: idk, just Ellie being a little flirty? English isn’t my first language!
An: Hii!! Okay…im kinda scared that i just had a explosion of ideas in my mind, i think I wrote that in 30 minutes? Idk…i hope you all like this one, I actually liked more than the my last one! One thing that i want to say is…PLEASE give me ideas to write!!!
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It was 3 am when you hear some noises coming from somewhere that you already don’t know since you have your eyes closed. You can’t help but feel a little curious, when you finally open your eyes you see that the bathroom’s light is on, Ellie isn’t on the bed, but you can tell that she’s doing something…well.
You sits on the edge of the bed, you get up and walk to the bathroom’s door, open it a little.
“Babe?” You call her name with sleepy voice, you see her with a scissor on her hand.
She turns her head to you with a mischievous smile.
“What are you doing?!” You ask already knowing the answer, hair on the floor and sink, but you just can’t believe she could do that…it’s literally 3 am!
She put the scissor on the sink and looks at you with a embarrassed grin. “My hair was getting longer…”
“Why didn’t you wait until the morning?? Babe…i could help you, you know?” You ask with a grin taking the scissor and look at her hair that now has so many crooked layers.
“I couldn’t sleep…i needed do that, my hair was bothering me, and when i closed my eyes to sleep, i could feel the hair on my shoulders” she says and see you trying to think how you could fix that.
You can’t help but giggle “ohhh right…that makes so much sense!” You joke with her, and you finally start to fix this messy cut that she had done. “Look at me” you say and put your fingers on her chin, so her head is straight and now you can cut the both sides equal.
She looks at you, a little smile is visible on her lips and her eyes travel from your eyes to your lips, from your lips to your eyes.
You can’t control your blush and grin that appear on your face. “Stop looking at me like that!” You say refusing to look at her eyes.
“Im not looking at you “like that”” she giggle playing dumb.
“You know…im trying to help you…and if you don’t control yourself I’ll let you stay like this!” You joke with her, making her chuckle.
“Sorry sorry…i promise that Im going to behave ma’am!”
You roll your eyes and after ten minutes you have her hair short and pretty again. “Okay! All done!” You start to brush her hair with your fingers, you have a proud smile.
“Wowww…okay…this is very good babe!” She stares at herself through the mirror. “I’ve already say that you’re the best and i love you so much?” She ask while she turns to you, wrapping her arms around your waist and pecking your lips.
“Yeah yeah whatever” you giggle and hug her too “and of course its “very good”, i have talent with my hands!” You say suuuper proud of yourself.
“Oh, really? And what else you can do with all this talent?” She says ironically while she brush your hair behind your ear.
You pat her arm and roll your eyes “omg shut up! Such a perv!”
Ellie laugh when you pat her arm “Sorry sorry love…I couldn’t resist”
“Mhm…of course you couldn’t…” you say now looking at her eyes, suddenly you start to pulls her to leave the bathroom, going back to the room. “Cmon…im very tired right now, what about we sleep?” You throw yourself on the bed.
Ellie follows you to the room and lies next to you “i think its a good idea” she yawns and pulls yourself into her, but then turning her back to you, this just means that she wants to be spooned today.
You chuckle and hug her, putting your nose on her neck, feeling her perfume “good night babe…love you” you kiss her back.
“Good night, love you more.” She finally could sleep comfortably now that she has her short hair again. 💗
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Fuck it Friday
I have a goal to end I want to dance with you tonight (and for the rest of my life) till Saturday and post so more from it
“Make love to me, Tommy.”
The prettiest smile on Tommy’s face, makes Buck smile too. Careful hands grab his hips again tonight, with less hot burning lust, yet not less passion and with way more tenderness, almost not touching his naked skin above the pants, not trying to claim his skin, but trying to make him feel the desire and care from Tommy, which Buck knows boils in man’s blood. He feels it all too. Both his and Tommy’s. He hopes the man feels his too.
The hands move to his thighs, nudging him to let Tommy pull him up, moving Buck's legs so that they are around his waist. Tommy strokes his legs gently and Buck is covered in goosebumps at how good it feels even when there is a thin layer of sweatpants between Tommy's big and warm hands and his skin. 
They kiss all the way to Tommy’s bedroom, and Buck is really happy it’s not a big house, with a bedroom close to the living room, without any stairs they need to get over to make it to bed. 
and if you want some angst for my new bucktommy mpreg fic I started today, go under cut(the scene is godfather Eddie and baby Sky, but bucktommy mentioned and implied) (@houseofevanbuckley you was interesting so tagging you)
“Hey, sweetheart, it’s your godfather Eddie,” Eddie smiles, looking into the baby blue eyes. He knows they will get only darker and brighter like her daddies’. He is just interested if her eyes will be like Buck’s electric blue, or Tommy’s intense steel blue. Buck once read a long lecture about how he and his boyfriends had different blue eyes and his daughter better take as much from him as she could because he's the one pregnant and he would ground her if she’s Tommy’s mini copy. 
Eddie chuckles from the thought, with wet eyes, “he was joking, by the way, sweetheart. Your daddy will never make you do anything you don’t want to. And will never punish you for something that just can't be your fault. He loves you anyway. The way you are. And no matter what your eyes’ color is gonna be anyway it will be perfect like you already are. Perfect little princess .” 
He strokes little round cheek, leaving a light kiss there, trying hard not to cry. He should be stronger for his friends, for Tommy, for Sky, for Buck. He should be the rock of the family right now. Because Tommy, Sky and Buck need him. Buck was protector of him and Chris for a lot of time, it’s Eddie’s time to be protector of Buck’s family. Be the best godfather ever possible. 
“I know we should have met not like that,” Eddie whispers through a lump in the throat, “your daddy and papa should have introduced you to me officially, letting me hold you after they will take you together from the hospital. But, unfortunately, your daddy's dumb luck struck again, but,” Eddie lets the most beautiful baby girl clutch his finger in a firm grip. He grins at this, kissing her hand like a true princess, “your daddy is a fighter. The strongest man I know. He will fight to get back to you and your papa. And till then I will be here to make sure your papa takes care of himself. Because I know he will take the best care of you. But not himself.”
tagged by @tizniz @diazsdimples @bi-buckrights 💙
Tagging @wikiangela @watchyourbuck @rainbow-nerdss @rogerzsteven @elvensorceress @ebdaydreamer @eddiebabygirldiaz @evanbi-ckley @the-likesofus @thewolvesof1998 @theotherbuckley @underwaterninja13 @pirrusstuff @aspecbuddie @saybiwithme @spaceprincessem @spotsandsocks @devirnis @dangerpronebuddie @daffi-990 @fortheloveofbuddie @honestlydarkprincess @hippolotamus @jesuisici33 @cal-daisies-and-briars @bibuckbuckley @bigfootsmom @bewilderedbuckley @bekkachaos @neverevan @monsterrae1 and anyone who wants to
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intrulogical · 7 months
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remus isn't dumb; a sanders sides essay
i've been struggling to make a cohesive post about this because i feel like most of what i want to say boils down to the same underlying message which is: remus isn't dumb.
i feel like a good chunk of this fandom understands what i mean, at least to a surface level point. but even then, i think too much of the fandom still misinterprets remus' character in a way that, they seem to understand different traits of his, but the way they execute it is still way off from what we see in canon.
(rest of the essay under the cut!)
for example, the biggest thing i see people get wrong would be the way they write remus "lol random" personality. it's true that remus tends to say whatever he wants at any given moment. but, the problem here is that people tend to think remus as random in function. i have no better way to describe this succinctly, so to expound: while remus tends to make left-field jokes a lot, he is shown to be incredibly deliberate, cunning, committed, and intelligent in very subtle ways.
truth is, remus is very goal-oriented, and when he has a goal, oh he strives for that goal. so far, i'm writing this with the last 5 years episode being the most recent substantial episode, so i can't really 100% say all my assumptions of remus are true. actually, i think the upcoming season finale will be the missing link when it comes to providing us with the whole picture of who remus is.
as for now, i just have to stick with my theory of; remus, as a side of thomas' heavily connected to insecurities and mental health issues, intends to shed light on the "darker" sides of thomas because he believes them to be beneficial. throughout dwit, we see remus continuously bolster the idea that his contributions are useful for thomas. this continues in wtit, but with the extra layer of remus wanting logan as well to be in touch with the darker parts of himself to get thomas in line.
it is also heavily implied that remus is well in on whatever janus' plan is to get thomas to be a.) more aware of his mental health issues, and b.) to get thomas to break out of his catholic black and white thinking. in forbidden fruit, it's janus who’s seen permitting remus to present himself to thomas. bigger evidence though, as i've mentioned in the previous paragraph, is the way remus seems to deliberately want logan to manifest his anger against thomas.
of course, we can always say that remus taunted logan "just for fun", but i feel like too much of what happened in wtit seem to point to remus having deeper reasons. for example, wtit exhibits how bad thomas' mental health is to the point that he gets irrationally angry at nico for not replying to his texts. this proves how thomas has been neglecting his mental health, and with the way patton, virgil, and roman held onto toxic selfless ideologies for the longest time, thomas would still, naturally, be lost on what to do. he would even seem to deny how bad things have gotten, especially with the way he acts like nothing bad is happening when he goes to his date with nico.
why am i emphasizing this? well, it's because something i find interesting about remus' character is how deeply cognizant he is of thomas' problems. what i mean by this is, no other side can call out thomas' issues more than remus can. i wrote an essay about this before if you want to check this out, but tldr: remus, as intrusive thoughts, is the most perceptive out of all the sides when it comes to calling out insecurities or problems. we see this come to fruition in wtit when all of the traps he laid out for thomas involved nico in some capacity.
while you can interpret his character as evil for preying on others’ insecurities, i think it's important to acknowledge that, in a sea of people who tend to refuse to talk about their issues, remus is the main guy who constantly brings them to the table. whether remus' intentions are good or not, there's no denying that remus' importance as a side lies in the fact that he serves as a mental health alarm clock for thomas. with the way none of the sides want to communicate with each other, we need someone like remus to cut the bullshit and say things as it is. 
again, we don't really know if he wants to help thomas. but i would like to emphasize that, yes, remus is not dumb. he does not merely make lewd jokes and calls it a day. he has the long-term goal of making everyone talk about more "taboo" topics with each other, and this includes talking about personal grievances the sides tend to suppress or refuse to talk about. lewd jokes are just part of the process.
i think this goal of his is also incredibly visible with the way remus treated logan in wtit. wtit is my favorite sanders sides episode because there's just so much to analyze between remus and logan, but you can check my other essays in regards to that. the main thing i wanted to point out is that what remus says to logan in the end, "woowee logan, now you're speaking my language. but who do you really want to scream that at?", proves he is more deliberate and cunning than he seems.
a lovely bit of analysis my friend orb (@orbmanson7) provided is that remus didn't just pop up in wtit to intervene with thomas' plans. he was there to intervene with logan's. if you've seen my other essays, i've talked about how logan as a side has been dwindling in terms of self-confidence and assertion. this has left a big problem of thomas being more reliant on his emotions, making him ignore the suggestions given by logan that may help with thomas' mental health in the long run. this is not to villainize thomas' mental health crisis, btw. all i want to say is that, remus recognizes how logan's self-restriction is doing no good and deliberately wants to push logan to become more assertive and angry.
that is why he says logan is speaking his language. he wants logan to recognize the merit in the way remus grabs thomas' attention. he wants logan to be like him and cause more havoc. again, we never know how much remus genuinely wants to help thomas, but we know that remus wants everyone to be more exposed to "taboo" things, and this includes logan being more in touch with his angrier side.
besides that, i'd like to mention how, in general, remus tends to be very committed to his goals more than how the fandom typically portrays him? in dwit, remus' main goal was to disturb thomas and the other sides. it's kind of just an introduction to his character. we're not sure if it's part of a bigger plan he and janus devised to get thomas to take care of himself better, but it is a possibility. the only time he gets too random is when logan begins picking apart his arguments. there we see remus only results to super left-field, continuous off-tangent jokes when he's desperate or placed in a lose-lose situation.
another, in wtit, we see how remus understands how to make very long, complicated traps. i think it's a perfect encapsulation of his personality, actually! throughout the episode, we see him make these multilayered traps with a ton of props and preparation just so he can bother thomas with it. it shows that remus is actually less impulsive-oriented as he seems. he even created a schedule he showed to logan detailing everything he wanted to do that day. again, deliberate! he is deliberate and very smart!
other thing i'd like to harken back to is the idea that he's in cahoots with the other dark sides to execute some Big Plan to break thomas out of his black and white thinking. while we don't know how orange acts like yet, we're Very familiar with janus by this point and we can see how long-drawn janus' plan of acceptance is. he's, again, sorry to use the word so many times, very deliberate. i don't even think his plan ends with svs.r, because it does seem like remus is well in on this plan too. in the 5 years video, he also seems to know more than thomas on what else is to come for the future of sanders sides, which implies he has some plans up his sleeve that no one else knows about. like i said, janus has the goal to break thomas out of his black and white thinking. and so far from what we've seen from remus, he also wants the same!
an important factor of remus' character besides his deliberateness is his general need to subvert what "goodness" means. "good and bad are all made up nonsense," he sings in forbidden fruit. throughout dwit he continuously criticizes everything thomas thinks is good or acceptable. in the 5 years video, he argues about how there's no "correct way of sitting". i think this also proves how remus is important as a side because, while not every single one of his beliefs are morally acceptable, he is still able to pick morality apart in a way the other sides are unable to. also, i just think this proves his character as just. generally smart? he's able to pick apart the status quo and moral philosophies, of course he's smart.
just to pick up on a previous point, remus is scarily perceptive. i mentioned this earlier with how remus is able to pick logan apart, but i'd like to add onto it more since i think a lot of people underestimate how crazily perceptive he is. for one, despite not being too close with a bunch of the other sides, he seems to be able to read their insecurities and play them against them really well. we see it in the way he uses virgil's insecurities of being an ex-dark side against him. we see it in the way he picks on patton and thomas' morality crisis against them. we see it in the way roman describes remus as someone being able to show him things he doesn't like about himself. and most importantly, we see it in the way remus constantly reaps the fact that logan isn't listened to to the point that logan snaps. as intrusive thoughts, remus' job is to see what deepest darkest secrets thomas and the sides suppress and use it against them.
at the moment, we don't really know if remus has any weaknesses, although wtit sort of implies that he himself is also quite irritated by the fact that thomas doesn't listen to him. he does a good way of hiding, though, how much of that problem is genuinely affecting him. it makes me think he's also smart in the way he's able to hide his vulnerabilities and true intentions from the other side. he's silly and goofy and lewd and because of that, everyone thinks he's harmless. the sides think he's unserious, and so does the fandom. but deep down, remus really isn't that stupid. 
and LASTLY, when beta reading this essay, orb also mentioned to me about how remus possesses cognitive flexibility in a way roman doesn’t. this isn’t meant to discredit roman of course, but i think it’s important to mention that remus is the side with the least amount of restrictions when it comes to creative liberties. orb mentioned to me how remus is able to connect concepts easily in a way roman doesn’t because remus doesn’t operate under the same self-restrictive mindset. while this obviously would help thomas become more innovative as a creative, i think it’s also important to recognize how much thomas kind of needs it in general. much of the latter half of the series shows thomas dealing with restrictions, especially when it comes to doing good. it would be great benefit for thomas to be able to listen to a side who generally wants to Have a Good Time, and doesn’t abide by rules imposed onto them.
and yes that is my essay on remus 100/10 best character and is not dumb at all. very excited to see him in the finale and i hope y’all’s get your characterizations straight because i need me some good fics 
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dexlexia · 8 months
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head rush (ver. 1) - sanji x reader
pairing: sanji vinsmoke x reader rating: 18+ summary: When you got with Sanji after months at sea you wondered if his obsession with women was to cover up the fact that he wasn't particularly good in bed. If he wasn't that wouldn't make you stop loving him. But you often wondered. tags: pwp, smut, virgin!sanji, oral sex, sixty-nine
complimentary fics: zoro, law, ace, smoker
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When you got with Sanji after months at sea you wondered if his obsession with women was to cover up the fact that he wasn't particularly good in bed. If he wasn't that wouldn't make you stop loving him. But you often wondered.
 “You've never had sex?” You asked as you sat on the inn bed with your legs crossed. You watched Sanji look away and scratch the back of his neck.
He exhaled smoke before he took the cigarette out of his mouth and put it out at the night stand. He crossed his legs too and rested his elbows on his thighs. “Well, yeah.” He swallowed, “I've never had sex.”
You raised an eyebrow, “Mr. Womanizer has never had sex, huh?”
He looked away and out the window beside the bed, “You don't need to rub it in. Prior to the Straw Hats it wasn't like I had much time to sleep with someone. Plus like the Thousand Sunny, the Baratie isn't known to have much privacy. I'm pretty sure if I had a girl in my room, the old man would come in and beat me with a pan.” He looked back to you, “Then Luffy happened and I had even less time to sleep with someone. So, no, I've never had sex.” 
You giggled and leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his lips, “I don't mind.” You grazed a hand down his chest then grabbed him by the tie to pull him into a rougher kiss.
Sanji moaned into the kiss and grabbed the back of your head. The blond was a professional at kissing, he even joked he was good with his tongue as well. But that was something you had to test. 
When you pulled away, you kept a hand on his tie before you smiled at him, “I guess I have a lot to teach you. There's many ways to pleasure a woman.” You giggled once more, feeling flustered as well, “And since we have a few days off the ship, I guess we should get started.” 
He looked at you dumb-struck, he couldn't believe this was happening. He knew that eventually you two would have sex, but sleeping in dorms and with Sanji asleep in a hammock, it didn't provide optimal times to do the act. 
But you were right, a few days off the ship and in a shared room allowed you to teach him a thing or two about sex. The thought excited him which led him to pulling you back into another heated kiss. 
  ”How does that sound, blondey?“ You smirked close to his lips before you went in for another kiss. You changed your position so you could get closer to him. Soon your hands went for his tie, you yanked it loose and threw it to the floor. 
  ”Oh, please.“ He moaned as he got his suit jacket off. Soon after you both collapsed into bed together, Sanji's hands tried to reach for the back of your dress but you beat him to it. 
You kicked off the garment and worked on getting Sanji undressed. You groaned out of frustration into the kiss, why did he have to wear so many damn layers? 
His eyes lingered to your breasts and his cheeks grew red. He had seen you nude a few times by accident, but never this close. He swallowed before his eyes met with you once more, ”Wow.“
You chuckled, ”You're too funny, Sanji. Now stop staring at my breasts and get these damn clothes off. I want to see my partner.“ You undid the buttons of his dress shirt and soon it was on the floor. 
He undid your bra and pulled down your panties to your knees, which you then got off and onto the floor. You kissed once more as he hastily got his belt off and tried to get his pants off while he was locked in such a hot kiss. 
He thanked every deity out there that you two were sharing a room together. 
You gave him room to get his pants and briefs off before he was left completely nude. His chest was rising and falling as his heart hammered in his chest. This was beyond belief. 
  ”Since we don't have any condoms, we can't go full on just yet. But I have something else in mind.“ You winked. Now that you were both nude, you got on top of him with your face in front of his cock, ”I want to see how much you know.“ 
You started to suck his cock and he moaned loudly. It was so loud that it sounded like a whine. He grabbed your ass and started to lick at your pussy. He was hesitant at first as this was the first time he had ever done something like that. 
But soon he took quite well to it. He mostly focused on your clit, the sensation made your toes curl near his head. You held onto the bed under you for support as you deep-throated him. It took a moment before you were able to relax your throat enough to take all of him. 
He was rather impressive in size, if it currently wasn't down your throat you would've asked him how he was able to carry it around all day. You were mindful of your teeth and continued to move your mouth and tongue up and down his cock. 
His noises were muffled by the fact that your pussy was in his face. He could feel your wetness covering down to his chin. He soaked his facial hair as he continued to lick. He dug his hands into the meat of your ass as he felt pleasure course through his body. You were good at this. 
Perhaps too good because soon Sanji was taken off guard and came down your throat. His noises were whiny as he finished. You were almost flattered that he came so fast, you understood why he did. It was the first time he had ever gotten a blow job.
  ”Fuck.“ He groaned with your pussy covering his mouth. 
He couldn't believe the pleasure, it was nothing like masturbation. The orgasm was so intense that his mind went blank for a moment. When he came back, he realized he wasn't licking at your clit anymore. 
He started once more but soon you got off of him and sat to the edge of the bed. Your chest was sharply rising and falling and he watched you lick at the corner of your mouth to remove leftover cum that dripped out of your mouth. 
  ”Wow.“ He said still out of breath. 
  ”Now c'mere, Sanji. Get in front of me and I'll show you how to really pleasure a woman orally.“ You smiled to yourself as you watched him kick his legs up as he got off the bed. Soon he was in between your legs with a blush on his face.
His pupils seemed bigger out of lust as he stared up at you. You took him by the head and brought him once more between your legs. He held onto your thighs to keep them open for him. 
  ”You're too sloppy, Black Leg.“ You smiled as you gripped his blond locks as he started to lap at your swollen clit, “You need a rhythm, a steady pace will make me cum.” 
He got a little too excited and grabbed you by your bottom and lifted your bottom half up to get his mouth more on your sweet cunt. He caused you to drop your back onto the bed as he tried to get the best angle to pleasure you. 
  “”Shit.“ You moaned, ”Ah, Ah, Sanji. Oh, oh!“ You gasped as you gripped the bed under you as he just went to town on you. There was little resistance you were putting up, at this angle he had better control of orally pleasuring you. 
  ”That feels good.“ He groaned as he hooked your legs over his shoulders and let you squeeze his head. Giving you pleasure aroused him greatly as he felt his cock twitch as he devoured you.
You were like nothing else he had ever had before. You were the finest, more delectable fruit he could ever gorge himself on. He groaned and continued to eat you like a fine dinner.  He gazed at you from between your legs and you could feel the smirk that had formed on his lips. 
  ”Sanji.“
  ”I like how you say my name.“ He said and kissed your inner thigh before he went back to licking at you with long broad strokes that were building up to an orgasm. There was nothing else quite like it. The feeling was addictive, he could only imagine what having penetrative sex with you would be like.
You did have a lot to teach him after all. 
You were left a moaning mess as he continued. Your noises were like a symphony to his ears. He wanted to hear you making those noises for the rest of his life. He loved you, he showed it every day. He couldn't get enough out of you. 
  ”Oh, fuck, That's it.“ You moaned as you gripped the soft blue covers of the bed under your back. Your back arched off of the bed and he smirked between your thighs. You looked amazing as this moaning mess. You were supposed to be his teacher but it felt like he was passing with flying colors.
Your eyes squeezed shut for a moment when he grazed your clit with his front teeth. You yelped, ”Yes, yes, like that. You found it, oh fuck Sanji!“
He was starting to feel more confident pleasuring you orally. He mixed his teeth in with the licks to your clit. He switched it up but kept it the same pace. Each time his front teeth grazed your clit, your body jumped from the pleasure. Which in turn made him want to do it even more.
  ”Perfect.' He said, his cock bobbed and brushed against the bed as he held you up to get the perfect angle to pleasure you with his mouth. He was encouraged by your moans that seemed to grow ever louder as you approached orgasm.
He was very pleased with himself for doing so well the first time. Maybe he did have some hidden talent to give oral sex.The thought made him chuckle to himself as he gazed at you. His keen eyes kept a good look on your reactions to his pleasure. If he knew he could do this to you, he would've requested time off the ship earlier. 
He gripped your ass and closed his eyes to get into the motions as he could guess that you were soon going to climax. He was going to make sure that his beloved, beautiful girlfriend was going to get the best orgasm of her life. 
  “You're addicting, Sanji.” You moaned as you watched his mouth work on your pussy. You felt hot all over as you knew soon you'd be climaxing on his mouth. He looked in his element between your legs. For a moment you were second guessing if he was lying about being a virgin. Or maybe he was just being responsive to your noises. 
He was a very good student. 
You whined as he touched your clit with his tongue. You had to remind yourself next time to tell him about using his fingers and mouth. If he was this good with mouth alone you could only imagine what adding those long fingers would do.
  “Sanji.”
  “That's it.” He replied, his face was still flushed and his cock was at full attention. He could see the rise and fall of your chest as you panted. You were feeling good. 
Soon like a strike of lightning, pleasure came over you and you squeezed your thighs around his head and climaxed with a sharp gasp. You gripped the covers as the euphoria hit you like a ton of bricks.
Then you dropped onto the bed in a limp heat. Your brain felt blank for a moment as you felt the aftershocks of pleasure. You eventually groaned, “Holy shit.” 
Sanji grinned, his chin rested on top of your pussy. His mouth was red and slick but he looked pleased with himself, “How was that?” He seemed so proud. 
  “Amazing.“ You panted, "Are you sure-”
  “Never, only you.” He put your legs back down to the floor and they wobbled as you tried to sit up. He wiped his mouth on his arm and he sat beside you on the bed, “Relax.” He kissed the side of your head, “Take it easy.”
You swallowed, “Okay.“ and then fully got onto the bed and laid there on top of the covers to relax. Your mind was a buzz. 
  ”I can't wait for you to teach me more.” He smiled, “Do you think we can go for another lesson before the others wonder where we've been?“
You looked at him and reached out for him, ”How soon can we sneak out of here to get condoms.“ Then pulled him in for a searing kiss. 
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