#like listening to one song twice in a month is normally too much for me

[get-back-homeward]

#lol spotify i know #this is like half of my listening bc the other half was in itunes #but it certainly reflects my obsession with ask me why #spotify wrapped #the top songs always gets skewed bc i have a work playlist i listen to most often #surprised my sleep playlist didnt make it in the top 5 tho #and this is with high high regulation of most beatles songs #like listening to one song twice in a month is normally too much for me #so 90% of these are bbc live bugs tracks or super deluxe tracks #whereas the albums i own i played in itunes #no 4 is one of my bug vid posses #spotify really needs a non1969 for bugs this is the cursed depression hours photoshoot #florence is no duh but i listened to so much motown this year im shocked it didnt turn upin the top5

[starkskeep]

And I might be okay, but I'm not fine at all (r. stark)

And I might be okay, but I'm not fine at all r. stark imagine

Pt. 3 of Oh, all I used to do was pray, Right when I felt the moment stop

Pairings - Robb Stark x female!Reader

Summary - You have finally healed but the tension in Winterfell looms higher than ever before. A new arrival to the keep threatens any progress Robb has made with you.

Word Count - 1,203 words

Warnings - Angst, mention of infidelity, Robb being a shitty husband but I swear he is trying

A/N - I'm having way too much funny writing angsty Robb Stark so this has now become a multi-chapter imagine. I'm thinking about having two endings: one hea and one where it's just all angst. Let me know if you would enjoy something like that or if you prefer one ending over the other.

Songs I listened to while writing: Cherry Wine (Hozier), Cinnamon Girl, Carmen (Lana Del Rey), Midnight Rain, All Too Well (Taylor Swift)

It had been a month since the attack and you had finally been allowed to resume your normal duties. It had been dreadfully boring being stuck in bed but no one wanted to take any chances with your health. If there was a positive outcome from your encounter with Ramsay, it was that the Stark family had finally opened their hearts to you. Catelyn and Sansa had taken up much of the charity work that you had been doing in prior. They would bring you embroidery projects and sit beside your bed as they updated you on the progress of your work as you all stitched new designs. Sansa showed you quite a few new embroidery tricks. If you were not joined by Catelyn and Sansa, it was Arya and Rickon in your room. The two looked as if you had hung the moon and the stars since you had sacrificed yourself to save them, unknowing if you would survive facing off against Ramsay or not. Arya had decided that she would teach you sword fighting like Brienne had taught her or maybe archery, whichever one you took to best. She did want you to be left defenseless again. It was Arya’s belief that if you were brave enough to protect them, you had to be smart enough to know how to protect yourself. Rickon was less energetic but still just as attentive. He would use your room as an escape from his lessons by bringing you pictures that he had drawn and books so that you could read to him. Once or twice, he even brought you sweets that he had snuck from the kitchens. Even Bran visited you from time to time. He could sympathize with being stuck in bed and how bored one quickly grew from it. Bran had shown you card games that could be played from bed and you were quickly becoming quite the gambler, even though he often bested you.

The issue arose from the eldest of the Stark boys. Robb and Jon were quite sparse in their visits to your bedside, not that you minded Robb’s elusiveness. It still left you with an uneasy feeling whenever he showed you sympathy for what had happened. You were unsure how to accept his kindness after six months of trying yet still being brushed to the side. What concerned you was the rumor you had heard of Robb and Jon fighting over you. Some maids had been whispering when they thought you were asleep about how Jon wanted to keep Robb from visiting you after he had made you cry when you had first woken up. Jon believed that Robb’s presence would be a reminder of the pain you suffered and would therefore only hinder your recovery. He limited his visits so as not to fuel rumors that you and he were engaged in an affair as revenge for Robb’s infidelity. That, of course, was not true. Jon was your first true friend in Winterfell and he cared and looked out for you the way he would Arya or Sansa. Robb, thankfully, did not have to face Jon again for his visits were also few and far between even though he wanted to be by your side. He had duties as the King in the North to attend to as well as a very pregnant Talisa quickly approaching her due date.

You were sitting at your dressing table after having just bathed that evening. Staring at yourself in the mirror, you gently traced the scar on your neck that had been left by Ramsay. The area is still tender and you hiss at the sensation. Another flaw is to be pointed out.

Unbeknownst to you, Robb had entered your chambers and was watching you from where he leaned against the closed door, watching as you carefully trace the scar. He can’t imagine how much pain you are in. How there are scars both physically and emotionally marring you. He frowns at the thought. He walks over to you. Robb wants to ask you if you are okay but he can’t find the right way to do so. He desperately wants to make things better between the two of you.

You shriek in surprise once you look up into your mirror and notice Robb standing close to you. “My lord husband. What are you doing in my chambers? Is there something you needed from me?” You pull your dressing gown tighter against you as if the fabric could protect your heart. 

Robb is startled by your reaction. He doesn’t respond to you for a few moments as he processes your reaction. Why did you scream like that? Are you afraid of him? He can see the vulnerability, the pain, the fear in your eyes and it breaks his heart. Robb reaches out his hand to rub your shoulder in what he hopes you will perceive to be a comforting gesture. “I was worried about you. I know today was your first day returning to your duties. I wanted to make sure that you did not overexert yourself.”

You flinch slightly at the hand on your shoulder and possibly the sentiment behind your husband’s words. Before you can answer him, a servant knocks on the door to your chambers. You call for them to come in. The servant enters and bows to both you and Robb before turning their full attention to him. “Your grace. Talisa Maegyr has given birth successfully. The babe is a girl.”

Robb stares at the servant in disbelief. He knew that Talisa had begun her labours but believed he had more time before the actual birth. His voice grows quiet. “A…a girl?” Robb looked down at his hands, unsure of what to do with himself. He wants to be happy. Robb had loved Talisa once and would make sure she and the babe are cared for but he can’t help but feel resentment towards himself that every moment he tries to make peace with you is ruined by his own actions. 

You shrug off the hand on your shoulder and get up, wanting to put distance between you and Robb. A pained smile is on your face as you speak. “Congratulations on the birth of your daughter. I’m sure you are eager to see her and Talisa. Go.” You turned to walk to the bookshelf of your room. Busying yourself with scanning the titles so that Robb can’t see the tears in your eyes. 

Robb stares at the back of your head. His face is pained as he looks at the ground. A stray tear slides down his cheek. He closes his eyes and sighs. What should be a happy moment for him instead feels like his heart has been broken into a thousand pieces. Robb has come to regret the way he treated you. He should have tried to love you the same way his father had tried to love his mother. It had worked out for them.  Robb felt like a failure.

When he finally opens his eyes after a few deep breaths, he plasters a fake smile on his face and follows the servant to where Talisa and his new daughter are resting.

Next Part

#robb stark fanfic #robb stark imagine #robb stark #robb stark x reader #robb stark x you #robb stark x y/n

[starz4jen]

cologne song

paring: bf ! beomgyu ! and gn! reader (no pronouns used !)

plot ! your boyfriend beomgyu switched his cologne scent and he smells a little TEW good

a/n: that song by miss monaleo is SAURRRRR good, PLEASE listen to that song and cosmic love while reading !

cw: established relationship, yn being a crybaby, mentions of tiktok, slightttt mention of moa’s (only twice i think), pet names (baby and honey)

a/n pt 2: this refers to something beomgyu says !

genre: romance & fluff

wc: 0.1k

✩ ✮

it was midnight and you were up waiting for your boyfriend beomgyu to come home. beomgyu had been away on tour and he was finally coming home.

you were on the couch trying to pass time by scrolling through videos on tiktok but all that popped up was concert clips and edits of beomgyu, which you normally didn’t mind seeing but this time it just hurted a bit because you missed your boyfriend so much that even edits of him had you practically tearing up.

you softly laughed at yourself for crying over the edits of your own boyfriend but you couldn’t help it. you still kept watching them though you knew that shouldn’t if you wanted to stop crying. you continued scrolling through and you ended up finding edits of you and beomgyu which made you full on sob harder.

your relationship had been confirmed a while back. there were some moas who didn’t like it but most of them were very respectful and congratulated you both.

you finally put your phone down and cried out until you just couldn’t anymore. you heard the door unlock and open. that’s when you saw saw your boyfriend walk through the door with his suitcases. he was wearing the beanie that you and him had bought months before he went on tour.

“honey i’m home !” beomgyu joked walking to the couch. he immediately hugged you when he saw your sad face and tear stained shirt.

“what’s the matter baby ?” he said softly, his voice was full of concern as he kissed your head and held you closely to him. “i just missed you so much gyu.” you sniffled as you cried into his chest. glad that his finally home, that you’re finally back in each other’s arms.

“i missed you too, i’m home now.” beomgyu said while swayed you both back and forth slightly and kept giving you kisses all over your face and finally he kissed your lips.

when beomgyu kissed you it felt like the world stopped, like there was no one else but you and beomgyu. the kiss was gentle and passionate. you laid your head on beomgyu’s chest and just smiled softly at his warm embrace.

“you missed me that much that you had to cry ?” he said teasing you after making sure that you were okay. you rolled your eyes at him, knowing that he could see your face. “yeah. and ?” you said.

beomgyu tucked your hair behind your ears and gave you another kiss.

“i-“ kiss “missed” kiss “you” kiss “so much that i practically begged taehyun to cuddle me.” he said laughing. “and i’m guessing that went well.” you said laughing at him.

“it was awful actually ! he tried killing me ! and the others didn’t do anything !” he whined remembering the nights he asked taehyun to cuddle and got greeted with a pillow hitting his head instead of the cuddles he had asked for.

“then take me on tour with you next time.” you said jokingly. “really ?? because that can be arranged ! i could probably bring you onstage-“ he rambled on until you cut him off. “gyu baby i was joking, i don’t think moas, the members or hybe would like that.” you said laughing at him.

"moas love you! and so do the other members! but," he said, planting gentle kisses on your lips, "not quite as much as I do." as he continued to shower you with affectionate pecks, you couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by his love and devotion.

“you making me want to cry again! and i really don't want to cry again!" you whined, burying your face into his chest, taking in his unfamiliar scent. you couldn't quite place the type of cologne he was wearing, but it was intoxicating. the moment he walked into the room, you caught a whiff of it, and now, with every breath you take, it becomes even more addictive. the way it envelopes your senses, filling the air around you, is both mesmerizing and captivating.

‘this isn’t any of his normal ones’ you thought to yourself. you inhaled his scent one last time before asking. “what kind of cologne are you wearing ?” your voice was slightly muffled but beomgyu was still able to make out what you were saying.

yoi couldn't help but inhale deeply, savoring the intoxicating aroma that surrounded him. "it’s versace's crystal bright perfume," he explained eagerly. "do you like it ? i hope it doesn't smell bad to you." his concern for your opinion of his new fragrance was evident. words alone couldn't express the depth of your adoration for it.

“it smells amazing. i can’t stop inhaling it gyu.” you exclaimed with enthusiasm, causing him to burst into a fit of laughter. “well i’m glad you do, i just wanted to try something new.” he said shyly as he started to blush as you continued to compliment his new scent.

you know beomgyu had to put his suitcases up but you didn’t want to let go and neither did he. as he took his suitcases to your bedroom, you eventually let go and walked behind him. you couldn't resist the urge to wrap your arms around his waist, feeling a sense of warmth and comfort. you watched as he unpacked his belongings, carefully placing each item in its designated spot. the room started to feel more alive as his presence filled the space. you couldn't help but smile as you admired his attention to detail. as he put his shoes away, you couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement for the moment that you had waited for to finally come.

after beomgyu put up everything you both laid down and cuddled, something that you both were also missing. you played with his hair and talked about your day, sharing your hopes, dreams, and fears. As the night turned into moring, you found comfort in each other's arms, creating a soothing ambiance that enveloped both of you. time seemed to stand still as you embraced the warmth of of your boyfriend, the love and connection, savoring every second spent in each other's company. you both eventually fell into a deep slumber, in each other’s arms just how you both wanted to.

#txt fluff #txt x black reader #beomgyu x reader #beomgyu fluff #beomgyu crack #kpop black reader #kpop x gender neutral reader #beomgyu x black reader

[genshingorlsrevengeance]

(MSG: The Witch from Mercury) Suletta with a musician Reader

Instead of being a S/O, it'll be reader to make it more authentic to the show/make some jokes flow better, hope that's fine!

Suletta during her time at Asticassia had gotten to know many people, much to her delight.

In the brief months she attended, she had already gotten to cross out a good chunk of her to-do list!

Obviously there were a few complications, but overall she was glad to have come here. Especially meeting the Earth House and Miorine, getting to have friends her age for the first time.

Besides them, she got an opportunity to meet (Y/N), a shockingly normal person who attended to learn how to pilot a Mobile Suit for their family. It was a change of pace.

She got over her nervousness of speaking to them relatively quickly due to having a similar upbringing early in their lives and spent a lot of time alone together. And it was thanks to that...

...

(Suletta) "Do you think (Y/N) would let me hear their music if I asked?"

Suletta sighed to herself as she sat inside Aerial's cockpit. She used to hide away in there during her youth, and though Suletta had her friends, this sort of matter was something only Aerial could help with.

(Suletta) "...W-Well, no. I never mentioned that I listened in on them, b-b-but isn't that weird?! What if they get angry?!"

There was no response, other than a few electronic beeping noises from the screen.

(Suletta) "I-I suppose that's true...Oh! I know, I can invite them to play in here! That way it's only just us three!"

(Girl's Voice) "That defeats the entire purpose of a date, doesn't it?"

(Suletta) "M-M-MIORINE?!"

Suletta could hear Miorine's voice from outside the cockpit.

(Miorine's Voice) "If you really like them, then just ask. The worst they can do is say no. Stop beating around the bush."

(Suletta) "I-It's not a date! I-I just, um-"

(Miorine's voice) "Tch, get out here already! It's one of the only few free days we have, so get on with it!"

(Suletta) "I-IT'S TOO SUDDEN!"

Without warning, the cockpit opened. Revealing a mildly annoyed MIorine standing on the hangar scaffolding with the oh-so familiar frown growing.

(Suletta) "A-AERIAL?!"

(Miorine) sigh "As your bride, I can overlook this. Just...enjoy your time with them, alright? I won't get mad, and I seriously doubt they would either, if what I heard from them is correct. If you run, gain one, right?"

Suletta looked at the screen of Aerial, in which it blinked twice.

(Suletta) "A-Alright, thank you Miss Miorine. You too, Aerial! I'll let you know how it goes!"

Suletta energetically hopped out and went to change her clothes, leaving Miorine and Aerial.

Miorine chuckled once Suletta was out of earshot as she turned to Aerial.

(Miorine) "Besides, I'm pretty sure your big sister here would get angry if you didn't."

Even though Miorine wasn't expecting an actual reply, Aerial's screen blinked twice again.

...

Suletta checked the House that (Y/N) was in, but wasn't able to find them anywhere. Which meant they were probably playing by themselves in the park nearby.

Suletta lightly jogged before stepping quietly to hear music played softly on the winds, making her nod in satisfaction. She guessed right.

She slowly crept up to the trees and saw (Y/N) playing by themselves, singing quietly. Suletta smiled as she listened in. They had never performed for anyone to her knowledge, and it didn't seem like anyone was aware they played at all.

She felt bad for eavesdropping, but at the same time, their songs were so lovely. Suletta couldn't bring herself to interrupt (Y/N).

SNAP!

A twig underneath her foot cracked, making (Y/N) stop on the spot and turn towards her making eye contact.

(Suletta) "..."

(Y/N) "..."

Suletta said nothing as she felt the anxiety building up in her while (Y/N) blinked twice to make sure they weren't seeing things.

(Y/N) "...Suletta?"

(Suletta) "I-...I-I..."

(Y/N) "Were you listening-"

(Suletta)

"I'MSOSORRYPLEASEFORGIVEMEIDIDN'TMEANTOEAVESDROPLIKETHATIDIDN'TWANTOBERUDEANDINTERRUPTSOIJUSTKEPTWATCHINGANDTHEN-GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!-"

Suletta ran immediately from the bewildered (Y/N), screaming as if she was being chased while (Y/N)'s face grew as red as her hair.

(Y/N) "...S-She was listening to my music...?!"

They felt flattered that it was just Suletta, but at the same time they didn't feel great after she fled in terror.

Maybe they could ask about it later? Assuming they could get close enough before she bolted off.

#gundam witch from mercury imagines #gundam witch from mercury headcanons #gundam witch from mercury x reader #suletta mercury #miorine rembran #gundam aerial

[hebuiltfive]

Thundertober Day Six: Spiritual

This idea was playing around in my mind for a while. When Thundertober came along, I thought I'd slot it in here. It was originally inspired by the song Saturn by Sleeping At Last. If you want to experience absolute heartbreak, I suggest reading whilst listening to it.

Last thing to say is... sorry.

AO3 here

Days: One ~ Two ~ Three ~ Four ~ Five

Warnings for: Heavy mentions of grief and death. Gripped with grief, Alan has a visit from someone he least expects. Tagging: @thunder-tober @skymaiden32 @idontknowreallywhy (just going to put it out there that if you want to be tagged in any future Thundertober pieces, or future pieces in general, let me know and I'll tag you too!)

One year.

One year since he’d transferred to home schooling.

One year since the funeral.

One year of mourning and grieving and crying, and he still wasn’t over it, because to Alan that one year had only felt like one hour.

To Alan, it felt like he’d only just begun to grieve yet another one of his parents.

It hurt worse than last time, probably because he had a precious few more memories than he had with Mom. He hated it. He wanted to carve his heart from his chest, if only to stop the pain for just a moment. He was too young to have experienced this twice. Did he do something wrong in a past life, maybe, to get dealt this shitty hand?

The process of balancing grieving and living was new to him. He didn’t know how to do both simultaneously. Call him naive, but he truly did seem baffled when the world didn’t stop at the news of their father’s demise.

Nobody helped him. Of course, he knew they were all trying their best, but Alan had never felt more alone than in those first few months.

Scott had begun to bury himself in work, Virgil spent every waking hour either in his art studio or in the hangers, John had grown more reclusive, and Gordo had seemed to have lost that spark that usually made him the fun one to be around, even in times of crisis.

Now, one year later, there was a semblance of normality that was seeping back through, but it still felt like everyone else had found their feet much faster than Alan. He begun to feel like the world had moved on but he was still trapped in that horrible place he’d been since the news was first broken to him. He began to fear that he would stay trapped there forever, unable to move forward because how does one learn to live without either parent?

Clearly it was possible, given his brothers’s apparently seamless transitions to orphans, but Alan couldn’t understand how they’d done it, and he didn’t dare ask for help. He didn’t dare talk about any of it much at all actually. Any time Dad was mentioned, it felt like a shard of ice had pierced his heart.

It wasn’t uncommon for him to cry himself to sleep these days, and he was pretty certain he could count all the times he hadn’t done that on one hand. Like everything else in his life, Alan thought that this was it. Crying himself to sleep every night would be his new constant and, for a while, he found comfort in that. Besides, the crying felt like releasing the pressure from a pressure cooker. Perhaps crying would stop him from inevitably bursting?

But tonight, Alan didn’t feel like crying. Tonight, despite still feeling that pressure building, he couldn’t release it.

The lack of that embrace led him to panic.

Did that mean he was finally done grieving? He didn’t feel like he had.

Did that mean he was finally over Dad’s death? He couldn’t have been if he still felt lost.

He curled his legs up to his chest under his sheets, arms holding them there tightly as he willed himself to cry because he should be crying. It didn’t seem right that he wasn’t. Worse than that, it didn’t seem fair. Dad deserved more than just a few months of crying, didn’t he? He deserved decades of grieving because he was Dad. Alan couldn’t be over all of that yet!

The thought of it making him a bad person swarmed his mind. He became overwhelmed easily.

Maybe he didn’t care enough about Dad to continue grieving.

Maybe he didn’t love him enough.

Maybe he—

Alan’s bedroom door creaked open, light from the hallway beyond bleeding through. A figure stood in the doorway, shrouded in the shadows. At first, Alan thought that maybe it was Scott or John coming to check in on him. He blinked in an attempt to discern who it was.

The figure stepped into the room but didn’t close the door behind him. They paced over to Alan’s bed and sat themselves down on the edge.

“You need to stop beating yourself up, son.”

The tears still failed to run but Alan could feel a new sort of pressure building from his stomach. Relief, maybe? He wasn’t sure. He hadn’t experienced many instances of that feeling for a long, long time. Hope, perhaps?

Because sitting in front of him, on his bed, was Dad.

Alan felt frozen to the spot, wide eyes staring into the shadowy features of his father’s face. There wasn’t enough light to decipher details and it infuriated him.

“How—? You…”

He wanted to scream the house down that Dad was home! That he was still alive! That he was right there in front of him, but before Alan could bolt up out of his bed, Dad gently shook his head. He glanced over to the window where Alan’s alien themed curtains were still open to the night beyond. The starry sky had always offered him comfort.

Dad smiled. “It’s a clear night. Plenty of stars to be seen.” He turned his attention back to Alan. “Which one’s your favourite?”

“Canopus.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because it has a pretty name.” Alan half-lied.

Dad caught on immediately and let out a gentle laugh. “And?”

Alan fiddled with the stitching on his sheet. “And… because it doesn’t have to be the brightest star in the sky to still serve a purpose.”

The first time John had told Alan about Canopus, Alan had disregarded the star because it wasn’t as cool as Sirius. Then, after a few months, and a talk with Dad, Alan had changed his opinion.

Being the fifth child in a family of exceedingly talented children meant that Alan was never going to be the Sirius of the Tracy family, but that was okay because he could shine in different ways. He might not grow up to be the brightest of the bunch, but he would still have a place, a purpose, amongst his brothers that would be just as important.

Dad seemed to understand all of that without Alan having to even begin explaining what he meant.

And that’s when the realisation hit him.

“You’re not real, are you?”

Alan wasn’t sure when he’d drifted off to sleep, but this dream told him that he must have.

Because Dad wasn’t home.

He wasn’t alive.

He was merely a ghost, built off what little Alan could remember. Hence the shadowed face. Alan had already begun to forget the tiny details that made Dad Dad.

“Promise me something, son.” Dad caught one of his son’s fiddling hands in his and gently squeezed. “Promise me you’ll search the stars one day, Alan.”

The silence that held the room was unnatural. Even his breathing seemed to still.

“Promise me you’ll go out there and explore and navigate and be extraordinary. Promise me you’ll hold onto my legacy, maybe even surpass it, and go on to do beautiful things. The universe is yours, Alan. There’s not only a whole world to explore, but the great expanse of the cosmos. Promise me you won’t ever let any opportunity slip out of your reach.”

Alan couldn’t find the words. He was too busy trying to ignore the pressure that was still building and building within him. He still couldn’t place the feeling.

“And promise me that you’ll remember that I will always be with you. I will never leave you. I will always be in here.” Dad’s free hand lifted and planted itself over Alan’s heart.

He still couldn’t make out any details on Dad’s face, but Alan was sure he was smiling at him. He clung to that, as though it was the last time he’d ever see a glimpse of that smile because he knew that it was.

“Everyone else has moved on, Dad. They’ve all carried on with life and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to.”

“Grieving is hard, Alan. You’re doing a good job.”

“I don’t feel like I am.”

“Grieving is part of life, son. Our capability to feel grief can be exhausting and painful, but it’s also what makes us human. People grieve in different ways. Just because your brothers seem to have moved on, I can assure you that they haven’t. It isn’t something someone can just dismiss one day.”

The thought of his brothers still hurting when Alan had so easily assumed they had gone back to normal had him feeling guilty. He had been so wrapped up in his own panic that he would be forever grieving that he hadn’t even considered the idea of his brothers being in the same boat. 

“How do I… do it? How do they do it?”

“There’s no guidebook to grieving, son. You live and you learn.”

“I don’t know if I can live without both you and Mom.”

“You still have your brothers, Alan. Hold onto them. Hold onto all those you love. They’ll guide you through this, just as you’ll guide them.”

“I don’t think I can cry anymore.” Alan admitted, a little guiltily.

“You don’t have to cry to grieve. It’s okay not to cry, son. It doesn’t mean you don’t care.”

Alan stared at the shadowy figure that was sat on his bed. He focussed on the feeling of Dad holding his hand. He took a deep breath in, willing his voice not to break.

“I miss you, Dad.”

In the dream, Alan blinked.

In reality, he awoke.

The stars were still shining outside his open window and his bedroom door had been opened to allow a crack of light through, but that was where the similarities to the dream ended.

Alan rolled out of his bed and made his way to his window, staring up at the stars. The pressure that had been building in his dreams was still there, though Alan still couldn’t name the feeling. Perhaps it didn’t have a name. His gaze caught sight of Canopus and Alan’s lips twisted into a small smile.

“I promise I will search the stars, Dad.” He whispered to himself, palm rising to ghost where dream-Dad had placed his hand, where his real dad would forever remain; over his heart. “I promise I’ll search them until I find you again one day.”

#thundertober 2023 #thunderbirds fanfiction #five fics #alan tracy #jeff tracy #thunderbirds are go

[slowlydifferentbluebird]

Twice headcanon: Poly! Relationship with Dahyun and Chaeyoung

Requests are open

Twice Dahyun X Chaeyoung X Reader

SFW Content

The start of your relationship:

The beginning of this story was your friendship

You first met Chae in an art exhibition

You two immediately clicked for your way of thinking

She introduce you to Dahyun, one of her best friend, to have help in winning your heart

But unexpected event: also Dubu fell in love with you

You have her same sense of humor

Initially the two girls fought a lot for this

You tried your best to not make the situation degenerate

For some months you've been stalling the situation

But one night Chae drank too much and snapped

She ranted for like half an hour about being tired to be in this limbo and not wanting lose both her bestfriend and her crush

To stop her drunk crisis, Dahyun just did the most unexpected thing: she kissed her

And then she kissed you

"Now listen to me: I like you both. I'm gonna be selfish, but I don't want to renounce to none of you. Let just be happy: the three of us. Ok?"

One week later you were officially in this poly relationship and all of you now are so happy

It took the other member a while to accept the situation, especially the older members

But after few meetings they have accepted you and now they adore you

The dynamic of your relationship:

The kisses are a must: to say goodmorning, to say goodnight, to say hi, to say bye

Your favorite body part to kiss is the forehead, Dubu's the neck and and Chae's the shoulder

Sometimes Chae bites lol

They are "signs of love" as she says

When you are out you hold both their hands

You can't leave them, if you need to scratch your face, just ask them

In the cozy moments Chae draw portraits of you two

She keeps all of them in a folder called "My loves <3"

Dubu instead often write songs about you and then plays them at the piano

On your end, you always cook for them

Seeing their faces switch from tired to happy is the biggest joy of your life

They miss you so much when they are in tour

Messagges every minute

When you end a call with one, the other girl call

In some way you sleep less than them lol

One time they missed you so much, then when they returned, they obliged you to do a matching tatoo: three interwined hearts.

NSFW Content

They are very sweet in normal life

But they are very bratty too

Like when you're not with them you always receive some hot selfie

Dubu's ass, then Chae's pussy, and to conclude a video of them while they are scissoring

You are horny all the day

And when you return home, you can't stand them watching you like they didn't send you that fap material

With an inhuman force, you drag them into the bedroom

And there you dominate them like is your life mission

They adore when you called them with dirty names like sluts or whores

You punish them all night

You slap Dahyun ass so hard that from pale, it became red jalapeno

And you overstimulate Chae so much that her cry is louder enough to wake up the neighbors

Both of them the day after can't walk good

#kpop #kpop girls #kpop headcanons #kpop reactions #kpop gg #twice headcanons #twice #twice chaeyoung #twice dahyun #twice reactions #twice smut #twice scenarios #twice imagines #twice fluff #twice angst

[dduane]

While preparing the background for the “Food And Cooking of the Middle Kingdoms” recipe for Honey Roasted Apples

I... genuinely wasn’t expecting prose. 

***

“It may sound very romantic in the poems,” says Freelorn of Arlen, turning his glass around a couple of times on the table. “Seven years an outlaw, always on the run with his little band of loyal followers, living off the bounty of empty lands…” He shakes his head, glancing up. “But when you get right down to the logistics of it…? It's not much fun at all.”

We ran into the King at one of his preferred locals, the southernmost of the dozen or more public pleasances built around Prydon city—this one looking down from the southeastern city walls where the Bluff starts to slope down toward the wooded Menaskh and Talsasmë townlands. The view from here across the river Arlid toward Darthen is quite beautiful, even on a somewhat misty day, and it’s understandably a popular spot. When we arrived, the place was already full of City and “outwall" people who didn't mind the climb up to a park and dining space famous for its Arlene country-style food.

Predictably, King Freelorn declined to tell us whether this particular local was his favorite. It's well known in the City that he's got several favored taverns and eating- or drinking-spots scattered around Prydon, but there’s no way under the Goddess’s sky that you’ll get him to admit which one he most prefers. “Does it really matter?” he says when you press him. “The whole point—besides wanting to get out somewhere different for nunch—is to be someplace where people can just walk up to you as if you were anybody else out for a bite or a sup of an afternoon. They’ve got a right to know that I take my responsibilities seriously: and my work… which is being here for them.” He chuckles softly. "And making sure they know that I'm not afraid to be alone with them."

“So you don’t visit with a retinue, then.”

He looks shocked. “Absolutely not! If I'm a good king, it's my people’s business to keep an eye out so that no one makes off with my life without them having a say. And it’s my business to trust them to do that. If I'm a bad king—” He shakes his head. “Well, we have legal remedies for that, if the Goddess or the Lion don’t step in themselves to handle it. Either way, it can get pretty gory before matters are settled. But fortunately that doesn’t seem to be a problem for me at the moment.” The smile is both relieved and wry—the expression of a man who knows from experience how quickly things in politics, or kingship, can change.

The King has a drink of his wine. "But that's not what you were really interested in talking about, was it. Eating on the road…?”

He rubs his brow, then shakes his head with a rueful look on his face. “At first it was interesting, even exciting,” he says, “when the bloom was still on it. When we all thought that the people who’d exiled me would see sense, in weeks or months, and there’d be a recall. But weeks got to be months, and months leaned toward a year… Soon enough we came to realize that being the romantic sort of outlaw that turns up in the old songs—dodging into town and out again for necessities, slipping into taverns in disguise—wasn’t an option that was real, these days. If it ever had been.” His expression is that of a man who can’t believe what an idiot he was. “Once you’ve tried it once or twice and felt the tension—trying to eat like a normal person while you can’t help listening to every voice around you for an accent or a dialect that means they might have reason to be a little too interested in you—” He rolls his eyes. “In the songs, the common people are always on your side. But in my case? When times have been getting hard, and the price on your head's more than most people would need to live on for five years at a time...?”

A laugh of pure amusement at his own witlessness. “So. There we were, just the five or six or seven of us… running for our lives. Or—let’s be truthful—mostly running for mine.” And the smile he’s been wearing goes very dry indeed. “So we were always traveling very light, because packhorses have to be fed, not to mention stabled if you’re anywhere near people… which we learned not to be, pretty quickly. Ducking casually into some town’s market? Not when you might be recognized, and never in a group. Even one person alone had to be careful, because… Well, if you’re a townsman, and somebody you’ve never seen before comes into the local half-month market and buys as much food as one rider can carry, and then rushes off with it? Country people get curious… and suspicious. Who wants outlaws in their neighborhood, after all?” He shakes his head. “That kind of behavior gets that lone rider followed, and then…”

He heaves a long sigh that seems to boil down to meaning “serious unspecified trouble.” “...So that’s something you learn not to do. Especially when, even if you could afford a market run, money’s still always an issue. You’re thinking ‘If we spend it now, what about next month?’ ...And even when you can afford it, it’s not smart to be carrying a lot of food when at any moment—in the middle of the afternoon, in the middle of the night—you have to throw everything onto the horses and just go, because some local opportunist whose lands you’ve recently ridden over has put it all together and figured out who you are. Or made an educated guess.” He shakes his head, laughs at himself again.

“So all that comes to mean that you resign yourself pretty quickly to living off the land—the unpeopled land—as much as you can. And you learn a lot of things in a hurry… and some more slowly.” He has a drink of his wine, looking thoughtful. “You learn to harvest wild grain, if it’s ready; and how to fire it so you can eat it green, if it’s not. You learn to bake flat bread in a pot over the fire, and get over it bringing up memories of town-bakery bread you've loved and won’t get to eat again any time soon. You get really good at killing game, and learning how to dry meat over the fire for another day, another week. You learn that if you try to live too long on just rabbit, you’ll get very ill indeed. You learn that you’d better have at least some vegetables with all that game, or your insides rebel against you and make it really hard to ride. You learn to forage, and to be smart about it—for example, not to pick all the viol-head fern you find, no matter how much you want to, because you might wipe out a supply you'll need again, some day. You learn that fruit helps keep you from getting sick, and you learn how to deal with drying that too, when you can.” He sighs. "All the while, you learn never to assume you're going to find enough to eat. And how to distract yourself from an empty stomach."

He sips his wine, puts it down, gazes into it. “But sometimes conditions are kind,” the King says. “We spent a lot of time in Steldin. Funny, you might think, when the Steldenes were the ones who were hottest to collect the bounty on my head! But between the climate and the terrain, the far south of Steldin near the Peaks is some of the loneliest country in all the Realms. And because of the weather up there, in the summers there’s a lot of good fruit scattered around, free for the taking. Apples, especially: not something you can get every day… especially not down north. Moris came up out of nothing with this dish, one time…and after that, sometimes we all practically lived on it, because it was nearly all there was, and we didn’t even mind. Apples pot-roasted in honey, with belly pork roasted in with it if you’ve got some.” He shakes his head and grins, apparently at himself. “Goddess, it’s ridiculous, we must’ve lived on that for days at a time, over the years, and it’s still making my mouth water—!”

The pleasance’s taverner is passing by, and the King catches her eye, picks up the empty pitcher sitting on the table, waggles it at her. She rolls her eyes at him, nods, and moves on. “And Stelet,” he calls after her, “wait a breath! Are the roast turnips on today?"

The taverner looks back at him, her eyes crinkling in amusement. “Small or large, King?”

“Large, please.”

The taverner nods again and walks on into the pleasance-house to see about his refill. “I missed breakfast...” says the King. "Anyway, we all got to be pretty good cooks as regarded simple things. Probably Moris was the best cook of us all. But then he worked in the kitchen at the Black Palace for a while, did you know? The Queen’s always teasing him about it. After him, Lang would probably have come in a close second—a natural talent. He even wound up teaching Segnbora how to cook. Until he got to work on her, she was no good at that at all.” His eyes went a little distant. “Of course, the two of them were getting quite close at that point." A sidewise look out of hazel eyes. "I expect you know about that, though. I know a chronicler when I see one."

“Oh. I’m sorry, I’ll—”

His eyebrows go up: an amused expression. “What? No, just sit down, for Goddess’s sake. This happens oftener than you might think. It's not as if the biggest library and document repository in the Kingdoms isn't just up the hill...”

After that for a few moments the King says nothing, just turns his glass around and around a few times on the table’s polished stone. 

“…Seven years of it, though,” he says eventually. “Of never being sure of where your next meal, and your friends', is coming from. And of not knowing whether getting it is going to somehow get you killed... or one of those friends. Don't get me started on the wild pig stories.”

“Ah. Well. I'll make a note to avoid those.”

He laughs. “Do. But what a life like that does for you, again and again, is show you how hard the people you rule may be having it—not just sometimes, but a lot of the time. What you're doing, they too must often do if the weather's been bad for the crops. So when you finally take up the job to which you were born and bred, you do whatever you must to make sure there's always grain in your people's storage bins to grind, and that their markets, and the movement of food from region to region, are protected. And subsidized, when they need to be. Because that's what the Queen of the World gave you this job for: making sure your people are fed. Ideally, you do that with your brains, and your realm's money. But if that's not working out, then you do it with your heart's blood ploughed into the ground to make the fields bear.” His expression, as he says this, is strangely gentle.

“...Surely that doesn't happen very often, these days."

“These days? No. Normally if the land doesn't bear for a couple of seasons running, the Four Hundred press whoever's sitting in the Throne to step aside in favor of someone else in the royal line better suited. And they do. Because if you're on the Throne at present, the price of your rulership is being ready to do what the Realm needs...even if it kills you.”  

Freelorn stretches briefly, then settles again on the bench. “Meanwhile, if these days the King has a bit of a reputation for enjoying his food,” he says, “I'd say that’s just fine. Because it means that every time he sits down to a meal where he doesn’t have to be looking over his shoulder to see if someone sitting a few tables over is trying to work out whether his head’ll fit in the bucket of brine they brought with them…” He shrugs. “Then it means that, every time, he’s got leisure to think of the friends who made sure he got this far—and to thank Herself for them.” And he leans back, tilting his glass, and twists it just enough to let a drop's worth of libation fall on the paving: then drinks.

“...But enough about me,” he says, as the new pitcher of wine arrives and he puts his glass down again. Those hazel eyes glance up from it and without warning become very sharp, very focused indeed, as he pushes the spare glass over and pours it half full. "With an accent like that,” says the King of Arlen, “you're not exactly from around here, are you? Let's talk about you.”

#Middle Kingdoms #Food and Cooking of the Middle Kingdoms #Freelorn #and probably the wine is one of the Brightwood whites #but you knew that

[likeadevils]

In preparation for ttpd release, I started to listen to your playlist of Taylor's songs in writing order and I love it so far! It really gives me an entirely new way of looking at the songs and the connections between them, so big thank you for your work on it!

I just have a few questions that I'd like to know as I'm listening (I'm on early fearless rn):

how did you order tracks that don't have a clear order? (iirc, a lot of the late albums we don't really know besides some earlier/later tracks). Is it based on vibes, or just completely arbitrary?

Also, how did you deal with songs that some time to write (like Innocent taking a few months, or her coming back to finish change after winning her first big award)? Is it the beginning date, or finishing it, or maybe somewhere in the middle?

Thanks a lot in advance <3

songs that took a while to write: i’ll put the all dates i know she worked on it— like, begin again is in there twice, because i’m fairly confident in both dates, but change is only when she finished it, because i have no idea when she started it. i also don’t put the same song over and over again, like all too well is only in there once even though we know of at least three drafts, because it would just be listening to the same song over and over. with innocent specifically, i took the six months quote as it taking her six months to get in the headspace to write it, not like she was picking it up and putting it down, so i only put it in once.

songs that i don’t know the order of: short answer, i put my best guess. it’s normally easier to figure out when she recorded a song, or at least what songs she recorded around the same time, so like, a lot of lover is just broken up by producer/studio credits (though i am fairly confident about the back half).

and then with folklore and evermore, it’s much easier to figure out the order than the dates— every artist has a different way they answer “tell me what it was like making this song” and aaron’s go to is “it was right before this song and right after this other song” which is so helpful— so like, folklore especially, i’m pretty confident that that’s the general order of stuff, even though i only really know cardigans date.

but, here are the stretches i’m not super confident about

* a lot of the first half of speak now is speculative, but not really in long stretches? but haunted, foolish one, superman, last kiss, timeless, and never grow up can all easily jump around the year (though, i’d put money on never grow up being written in early september 2009. not a lot of money, but like, still money. like $5). and then like, the speak now vault tracks in general are speculative, she did like no promo for it so who knows)

* wildest dreams-wonderland: all of these songs were recorded in october/november 2013, but we don’t know the exact order (wildest dreams is first because selena gomez said she was there when it was written and her schedule just doesn’t align with taylor’s that fall, blank space was likely written in late october based on candids matching studio stuff, the last three are just alphabetical order)

* look what you made me do-this is why we can’t have nice things: this is mostly just based on how long her hair was in the making of a songs

* cruel summer-soon you’ll get better: cruel summer is early cause she said she was just jamming with jack and annie and the song kinda fell into their laps so that sounds like she wasn’t intensely writing so i put it early, she teased daylight lyrics somewhere in the summer i believe so i put that pretty early, but aside from that like. these probably weren’t even recorded in a block they could literally be wherever

* i forgot that you existed-all of the girls: same proudcers, she said she started working intensely on the album right after tour ended and idk what else she was recording in november, so like. all recorded at the same time, guessing that it’s pretty early in the recording process, but that exact order of the tracks can change, and where they fall in the album too

* august-mirrorball: most of the jack stuff was done before aaron came in, but idk the exact order of these specific ones

* invisible string-betty: mostly circumstancial— like, epiphany is the first track taylor brought to aaron instead of the other way around, so i put it towards the end, stuff like that

* gold rush-no body no crime: all recorded in late september, but written beforehand, no idea in what order

* maroon-dear reader(/question-you’re losing me): again, all recorded within like a month of each other, no idea in what order besides question probably being in late november and youre losing me on december 5

* lavander haze-karma: pretty sure they were all written in early 2022, not totally sure in what order, beyond bigger than the whole sky being in march, snow on the beach probably being in april, and karma probably being last

#asks* #timeline* #thank you for your parience it took me like an hour to write all this out #hopefully lover will be easier once i go into like. Serious Serious research mode for it #but as for now that first half is like ???

[tobthoughts]

how do you know if you’re over someone?

thursday, november 30th, 19:05pm

listening to: you can always come home - toby fox

i wish that there was a step by step guide to getting over people. i’m fairly sure i am, but sometimes i get a little voice in my head that says “go back! go back!” but i know i can’t, or if i did that it wouldn’t be the same. but i wish it was easy. it’s been over a year and i still can’t get the thoughts of him out of my head, out of the corners of my room. it’s not as bad as it was, and i don’t think of him nearly as often as i used to, but i thought it would’ve stopped completely by now.

perhaps that’s what love is. despite everything that happened between us, perhaps i’ll always carry a little piece of him with me. i tell people with confidence that i’m over you, but sometimes in the street i’ll smell your cologne, or listen to a song that makes me think of you and smile, and know that even though its different now, there’s still love there. and maybe there always will be.

we’re supposed to be getting drinks together soon and i’m dreading it. it makes my stomach flip and curl up into knots when i think about it. because i’m so sure it’s over, i have been for months, but what if? what if i make eye contact for just that split second too long and i get that gnawing feeling of butterflies in my chest? what if you laugh just slightly too hard at one of my shitty jokes and i’m reminded again of how often that used to happen, how happy we were, how much i long to go back? i mean… i don’t really want to go back. i don’t miss him specifically, more just the thought of what we were and the feeling of being loved. but i get it now. i understand why he couldn’t make time for me - uni is busy, especially the first few months. he said himself that if he’d waited it out it probably wouldn’t have ended between us, he just needed time to settle down. and i’ve settled down. i’m hoping he doesn’t bring it up, us getting back together. i don’t know how to have that conversation. no matter how many times i try to play it out in my head and rehearse my lines, the ending always changes. plus i spent so long getting over it… rebounding, smoking, coping however i could… i don’t think i could undo all my hard work over one conversation.

it’s worse because i gave him the chance to come back in august, half a year after we’d broken up, and he said he didn’t think it would work. i made my peace with that. i drew a line in the sand. but now he’s texting me almost daily, telling me he misses me, checking up on me; none of which he did before. we were friends, sure, but we spoke maybe once or twice a month at most? so he’s been acting weirder lately. or maybe i’m reading into it too much. being autistic makes it hard to tell sometimes what’s “normal” or not, especially when it comes to social cues like that. but it feels out of character for him.

i don’t think i love him anymore. not romantically. i can see a world in which we try again - it’d be easy to go back to the warmth of his arms and the familiarity of it - but i think it would take some time. can you learn to love someone again? do i even want to? yes he’s attractive, at least in my eyes, and we know eachother well, but could i go back? i don’t know. he knows the way my brain works - what makes me tick, how i think and feel. and i know him too, like the back of my hand, but that feels too easy. i want to be 14 again - kicking my feet and smiling at my screen when he messages. i wouldn’t get that and i know it. maybe maybe maybe if he put the effort in, if he made me feel special again, but fuck i don’t know.

my mum told me she would be “thrilled” if we got back together. he became a part of the family, i know my parents miss him. god, i miss him, but maybe not in the same way. it’s hard to stop grieving when he was four years of my life.he was everything. lyla asks about him. when he’s coming home from “big school”. when she can see him again. i still don’t have the heart to tell her. scarlett talks about him, too. she says that he’s still important to her and she misses him. she misses fucking around with him - taking the piss out of me. and mark… i think it hurt him. when we broke up he lost the closest thing he’s had to a son. he jokes about it, calls him stupid, but there’s still a sadness in his eyes when he talks about it. i cried in the car when we dropped him off in southampton. i guess i knew it was the beginning of the end. mark said he couldn’t change the music from oasis because it was “your thing”, which made me cry more.

i have new people in my life, people (well - one person) who i’m romantically attracted to… maybe even romantically involved with. i don’t know where we stand in terms of romance, but that’s another story. the point is that i’ve finally allowed myself to look past that relationship and into the present, to start exploring other options, and now he’s back on my mind. i’ve slept with other people. said “i love you” to people and meant it. so why now???

christ. men never get less confusing.

#blog #diaryposting #personal diary #online diary #ex relationship #ex #love vent

[theretirementstory]

Remember, remember the 5th of November, Gunpowder, treason and plot.

Yes tonight is “Bonfire Night” in the UK, where an effigy of poor old Guy Fawkes (a Yorkshire lad) is remembered as he sits atop the burning fire. The bonfire is normally accompanied by a firework display.

We said goodbye to October this week and November arrived and with it more wet and windy weather.

I went to the hospital for a consultation and the haematologist was very pleased with my health. I only need a blood test once a month now reduced from once a week. I am still waiting for my appointments for the radiotherapy but I was told I would receive a phone call so I just have to wait. The appointment was very quick this time (which was good) I got home just as the daylight was going.

I was busy sorting lots of “stuff” for the charity shop and I was being rather ruthless. I drove into deepest darkest Haute Marne to my friends house then she drove me to the Emmaus charity shop. Wow, I was blown away, there were young men waiting with a “supermarket” trolley to collect the items from your car, they asked what was inside the boxes/bags so that they could put them into an appropriate “chest”. The car was quickly emptied and although we didn’t go into the shop it was a lovely ride out. I had a coffee and a chat with Sarah and Jonathan then left their home while we still had daylight. It was a lovely afternoon and we are going to do something another day soon.

My cleaner had been at my home twice this week. I managed to deal with the paperwork for her wages and I was very pleased with myself. She rang me on Friday to say that she had tested positive for Covid! Oh my goodness, me with the low immune system, let’s hope I am ok.

A note appeared in my letterbox saying I had a letter to be signed for. I collected it from the post office and it was a recall notice for my car. I went to the local garage and am booked in to get the car checked, it’s not until December but hopefully everything is fine with the car.

A couple of disappointments this week, firstly I needed one more ball of wool to finish the baby blanket. Drove up to the shop and, you guessed it, not one ball left! I did manage to pick up one ball of the blue colour (only 3 of those left) and I am now “knitting Nora” trying to knit this new blanket and have it finished before 24 November 😳. The second disappointment was the clothes I ordered on-line. The parcel arrived and I tried on said items only to find that they were too big 😩. I packed them up and posted them back and have placed an order for a smaller size 🤞that they fit much better.

“The Daddy” was doing his second job, volunteer photographer for Scarborough Athletic FC, on Saturday. It was a first round FA Cup match and to be honest I think all the family were following the score. Scarborough held the lead from the 27th minute. 3 minutes of added time was given at 90 minutes and at 90 + 2 minutes the opposition scored 😭. It’s a replay on 14 November.

“The Trainee Solicitor” has been looking at ways to reduce his outgoings. He has changed his home insurer and is looking at other ways to cut costs. It’s easy to be “led” when you are first buying a house and I am pleased that as things are due for renewal he is checking out similar options.

“The Ex-Graduate” has had a very busy week, working 45 hours this week. It was busier than usual due to the fact that it was school “half term” holidays, add to that the wet weather and everyone wanting to be inside! That’s a recipe for busy, busy, busy!

Right let’s have a look at this weeks songs. The first is from 1996 😳 it is Un-Break My Heart by Toni Braxton. Lots of reasons for liking this song, great singer, great guitar just lovely to listen to.

Talking of great guitar, here is another example. Parisienne Walkways by Gary Moore feat. Phil Lynott. This dates back to 1978, yes it does, I had to go into the singles box to check my copy of the record!

I haven’t had any visitors this week but have had messages from Maud, Monique, Denise a friend from the old knitting group and Claudine a friend from the new knitting group. Apparently, the new lady to the group has been hospitalised with viral meningitis!

I have been busy looking for a birthday present for a friend in the south of France. I think I have managed to find something and have also a thought for another year.

My week seems to have involved not much “out and about” more clicking of needles, but that is how it goes sometimes.

My neighbour, up the street, has been putting up a six foot high wire fence around first his back garden and now his front garden. I don’t understand, it makes it look like a fortress and even more puzzling is the fact that he doesn’t own his home he just rents it! I had the shrubs removed from my front garden to open up my space and this man seems to want to “shut himself off”. Each to their own I suppose.

Quite a few people have had fences put up around their back gardens this year but I really would hate my shrubs to be removed where would the birds go? I love to see them swooping around the garden.

Well it’s time to go, I can hear the needles calling me 😂.

Bon dimanche.

#barsuraube #trees #nature #photography #70’s music #90’s music #knitting #autumn #bonfire night #fireworks #emmaus #hautemarne #scarboroughafc

[dedskul]

The Only Thing That Seems Fair

The sheer numbers of roles that you fulfilled in my life were almost suffocating

You were my mentor

My teacher

My therapist

My confidant

My best friend

My role model

All blended together

With an over-arching motherly attitude combing your roles like glue

How was I supposed to feel about you?

We were close

That was obvious to anyone and everyone

You're friends and collogues donned me with the nickname

Beth's sidekick

It was funny

You'd laugh and roll your eyes but I'd stand proud with my chest puffed out and a smile on my face

So happy and excited because for once I finally felt like I belonged

I was a part of something

Grouped in with YOU

I felt like I was living in a dream world were everyone was nice to me

Where people listened to what I had to say

Where my voice and my experiences were not only validated

But all the unpleasant things about me were too

Behind closed office doors and hotel rooms with do not disturb signs

Late night phone calls

Sunset evenings sitting in the trunk of my Jeep

Breakfasts at your favorite restaurants

Dinners at mine

Things were different

And ever evolving

I felt like a different person when I was alone with you

And maybe I was

My name replaced with

Sweetie

Honey

Sweetheart

Baby

I wasn't April and I wasn't acting like her

But I was defiantly putting on an act

I became whoever you wanted me to be

I did everything you told me to do

Everything you told me to say

Followed the same song and dance routine for three years before you turned your back and gave up on me just like everyone else

Leaving me alone to pick up the pieces

To lie to my friends and all the people I'd met over the years

To disappear into a void of depression, alcohol, drug abuse and self loathing.

But its been 10 years, right?

A fucking decade I've been struggling

Carrying the weight of you wherever I go

Tripping

Stumbling

Falling down

Getting back up

Gritting my teeth

White-knuckling my way though life

But no one ever sees it

Its never acknowledged because its the only way people know me now

Its my new normal

I've buried you and all of the parts of myself that drove our relationship into the ground

Good and bad

And left them to rot in the place where my heart used to be

I died ten years ago and walked into my own funeral disguised as a court hearing

I think a part of you died then too

Because that woman who sat across from me in the aisle was almost unrecognizable

You were a shell of a person

And I was a walking corpse

The prefect duo

Its no wonder why I feel like an imposter

For one I'm not actually dead

And if you were to ask anyone in my day to day life

I'm very much alive and well

Doing better then ever some might say

But that's not really the case

I'm a traumatized, pessimistic people-pleaser

I'm depressed, lonely, and fucking starving for anyone's attention or love

But that's not how it comes across

Because I get compliments

People telling me I'm easy-going

Funny

Loyal

Hard-working

Independent

I can't take any of it seriously

All it means is I've gotten better at hiding it

Over the years the weight has stayed the same and I've simply gotten stronger carrying it around this whole time

But that doesn't mean its not still there

I know its still there

Because it still all that I can do

I can't pick up anything else without my knees buckling

I can't commit to anything

A job

A house

A girlfriend

I've dated the same woman for 8 years

Lived with her for 7 years

And still can't look her in the eyes and to say yes when she asks me to marry her

I can't commit to a tattoo design to cover up the scar on my leg

Because no matter what gets inked into my skin

Your name will forever line my thigh, my memories, my dreams, and the rest of my life

I've tried to grieve

To let it all go and move on

But I can't heal in the same place where I was hurt

Its so hard to drive down the same streets

I pass by ROSMY twice a day

Every day on my way too and from work

And once every few months I'm forced to drive down the same road you and I used to frequent often

Park on the same street you and I did

And walk into the building right across the street from the one I'd spent countless hours with you in

I'll sit in my psychiatrist's office thankful her office window is behind me so I don't have to see the rainbow building where I gave my first ever speech

The same building where I met Karen the fist time

The same building where we raised money together the first time

The same building that covered us from prying eyes when you parked your Subaru around the back and kissed me in the backseat

How in the fuck am I supposed to feel now?

I feel trapped

I feel stuck

I feel like I'm going to feel like this forever

Its been ten fucking years and I still feel like the scared 18 year old kid

With no sense of direction

No future

Crushed hopes and dreams

And You

From what I understand

From the things I've leaned though mine and Karnes newly reunited friendship

Is that you've given up

You sound like a quitter

It sounds like you took the easy way out instead of the high road

You left non-profit work for a job at the federal reserve

You got married

Had a kid

Your a real mom now and not the fake pretend one you used to put on for me

I don't want to look at your life though a distorted lens and judge you

I don't want to be the bad guy

But its so hard to picture you like that

Its hard to imagine you happy and living a fulling life while I'm just now starting to realize what the fuck happened

You fucking hurt me

And not just by leaving

But by taking the knife out of my back

Soothing and healing my wounds

Only to take that same knife and stab in me in the front

And the worse part is you could even look me in the eyes while you did it

You didn't even speak at that court hearing

You didn't even spare me a passing glance as I walked out of your life forever

Then you had the audacity to blame it all on me

Painting me the villain when things didn't go smoothly immediately afterwards

Like you hadn't already done enough damage

Like you hadn't already heard the life drain out of me on that fucking phone call

My girlfriend called you a predator

Anytime I bring you up in conversation I get shut down

She cries

She says its so hard to sit and watch me miss you when everything I've described about our relationship to her sounds like abuse

She says you groomed me

I've done nothing but defend you

Denying it left and right

There was no way YOU did something like that

YOU?

You were my hero

The woman who saved my life twice

Killed me once

Who's kind words, lessons, and life advice brought me back and shaped the person I am today

I'd never believe something like that

But today I'm mad

Today I'm angry because I can't get though a single day without starring at your picture on my phone

I can't sleep at night because you haunt my dreams like a ghost

I can't get into bed with my girlfriend unless the room is pitch black

Because I can't bare to see her body wrapped around your name

And that's more ironic than you'll ever know

Because for me to be in any type of mood to meet her needs I have to have very specific conditions

Conditions that to others may seem a little odd but mostly normal

But for me are symbols and an attempted revision of the past

She doesn't know

And if I do end up marrying her it's something I'll probably take to my grave

But if you saw

You'd know exactly what I've been doing

It brings me shame

Its embarrassing to not be able to be intimae with someone I love unless I put her in a costume and close my eyes

I can't do this anymore

I can't keep playing this game and pretend I'm fine

I'm so fucking mad

And so fucking jealous

So jealous I can't tell if its jealously for your new life

Or for the child you are raising and knowing that they are living the childhood of my dreams and most likely will go on to lead a brighter, happier, bigger life than I could ever hope too

I hope you are actually happy and not secretly miserable like me

But I do hope that every once in a while I haunt you too

I hope you know that you hurt me

And I hope that guilt will eat at you until the day you die

I hope you struggle still too

I hope I find my closure and you never get yours

It's the only thing that seems fair

#my writing #text post #writers #poetry #poets on tumblr #writers on tumblr #short story #tw drugs #tw sh related #actually borderline #bpd feels #bpd thoughts #bpd tag #actually bpd #bpd stuff #bpd favorite person #letters ill never send #letters to you #lgbtq #long reads #borderline personality disorder #bpd problems #living with borderline #bpd fp #bpd blog #bpd life #living with cptsd #cptsd life #living with ptsd #ptsd

[numetalpuppygirl]

what i'm listening to 9/5/2022 (song notes under the cut)

spot link//yt link

trying something a little different where i put the songs in order from favorite to least favorite

Laura Les - Haunted: haunted. by laura les

Pitchshifter - Genius: this band is an unusual entry into the nu metal genre by virtue of being from the uk, where most acts hail from somewhere in the americas or asia. this is one of those songs that just *feels* good, like i'm chewing on the industrial crunch and overlapping vocals

Tallah - Shaken (not stirred): honestly this could have easily taken top spot. i genuinely cried upon hearing this for the first time from the sheer intensity. manic tallah-patented weirdness followed by an unexpected and very pretty harmonized singing section, followed by the most atrociously disgusting triple breakdown i've ever heard. cool to hear derrick doing some singing too!

Limp Bizkit - Welcome Home (Sanitarium): i know i've already posted about this one but it's just such a fun cover and i think the context is super funny, i just keep coming back to it

Ray Charles - I Got A Woman: remember last month when i included gold digger and said that i should just listen to more ray charles, since the sample was my favorite part of that song? well. i did

Limp Bizkit - No Sex: i reference this song a lot bc the title's funny but it's also genuinely kind of an interesting track. this one's about fred expressing to his partner that he feels like they rushed into the intimate part of their relationship too quickly, and now that's become the only foundation the relationship has. he wants to have a relationship, but he doesn't want to have to rely on only sex to keep it going. it's a surprisingly emotionally mature song to include on the same album as "nookie", and cements significant other as being... actually kinda really good

Louis Armstrong - What A Wonderful World: another song that gets memed a lot, but this is just such a sweet little number. in particular, the lines "i hear babies cry, i watch them grow/they'll learn much more than i'll ever know" makes me want to cry. what a beautiful sentiment, to rejoice that our children and our children's children may inherit a world better and wider and more full of love and wonder than we could ever imagine..... 💜

Supertramp - The Logical Song: one of those songs you hear a million times and never think twice about until you listen to the lyrics. i've been listening to this album on a mutual's recommendation (i wonder if you'll read this?) and it's been a fun time! planning on checking out some of the other stuff when i find the time

Godsmack - Serenity: tbh i never used to like godsmack. i don't think sully erna is a good singer, and their songs are pretty simple and hacky. i did buy this album as part of one of my thrift store hauls, though, and this closing track really struck me. like a lot of abrasive post-grunge bands, i think they're a lot better when they tone it down a little bit. this song reminds me of silently, desperately wandering through the desert

Vanilla Ice - Nightmare Disco: oh boy where to start. i'm a big vanilla ice fan (like, 70% ironically) and i never expected to like anything from his disastrous (and, to date, most recent) album W.T.F., but this one's kinda fun, it's like a dark dance pop track. there are a couple of halloween-y tracks on that record, and this is one of them. gotta love the spooky vibes! unless you're vanilla's team, apparently, as this album is not available anywhere on youtube

Almighty Cover Girlz - Empire State of Mind (Part II) Broken Down (Almighty 12" Anthem Mix): damn could you make the name a little longer maybe?? normally i wouldn't even type all that out but they also have two other similarly named remixes of this song. this was an everynoise dot com find, and i was glad because i think alicia keys is a great performer but i've never liked this song. this mix brings it the extra mile for me

Lemon Demon - Ben Bernanke: this played on chase clown_depot's mediashare stream and i've had it in my head since. not much else to say, it's just another lemon demon song that i enjoy immensely

Bush - Comedown: not much to say here, either. another uncommon uk contender, and a far more successful one at that. not my favorite bush song, but it's the one i've had in my head. help

Pitchshifter - Microwaved: hey they're back! i was pleasantly surprised by this song taking on the sort of shitty fake plastic feeling that modern capitalist society has been permeated with. i've been revisiting the "leftist nu metal" playlist i had promised (and never delivered whoops) in a previous post and this was a good find. not as tastey sounds as genius but still worth the listen

A Perfect Circle - Counting Bodies Like Sheep To The Rhythm Of The War Drums: speaking of both left-wing nu metal and long as fuck titles... this is an anti-bush song that doesn't really land, but is a cool track independent of that nonetheless

Edison Lighthouse - Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes): one-hit wonder with a really weird story behind it. i would highly recommend the todd one hit wonderland video about this, that's how i first heard about it

Vanilla Ice - Hate: return of the ice-man. this is the type of song that got me into his music in the first place. i'm easy, really. i'll go for basically any nu metal i can find. nothing too special about this one, though, it's just catchy

SR-71 - Tomorrow: the last two songs here are placed next to each other on purpose. this was pop punk band SR-71's attempt at transforming themselves into clones of linkin park after hybrid theory started selling like hotcakes. they did a surprisingly decent job, getting the production and singing style nearly dead-on; however, they predictably didn't get very far with this maneuver

Crazy Town - Drowning: this was nu metal band crazy town's attempt at transforming themselves into clones of linkin park after hybrid theory started selling like hotcakes. being a nu metal band that already had dual vocalists and a dj, you would think they had an easier time of it than SR-71, right? nope. drowning is far less believable as a linkin park than tomorrow, which is pretty embarrassing for these guys. oh well, they can add it to their list

#*char noises* #talking pop

[shark0zu]

Idol! Gojo Satoru x GN! Reader

context: Satoru is part of a band named “Joint Jinx Keystone” (JJK) alongside Suguru, Yuuji and Megumi. Saatoru and you have been a couple for almost 5 months now, and he already loves you too much to let go (not in a toxic way). But your relationship is secret to the public, at least that's what you guys want. Suguru is 22, Satoru is 21, and both Megumi and Yuji are 19.

content: fluff, tinies bit of angst, neck kisses/cuddles. Satoru being a menace to his bandmates.

warnings: none.

an: This is my first time EVER writing something... (English is not my 1st language) also- THIS BAND! AU IS COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY made by sketchyysummer on Instagram! (link to their Tumblr). This Band! AU has been in my brain since they started to talk about... it's not even funny... I'll also write HC for the rest of the members! (Suguru, Megumi and Yuji)

w/c: 1.5k

art: Summer's Band! AU Character Design

likes and reblogs are appreciated!

Idol! Gojo, who loves to sing to you, making songs on the spot for you and singing slowly and softly to impress you. (always making you fall in love with him a little more every time)

Idol! Gojo, who loves when you fall asleep to his voice, either while singing or just listening to him. Vice-versa as well, he loves to hear your voice, and he finds it as soothing as any lullaby or song he has ever heard.

Idol! Gojo, who loves the way you blush every time he makes eye contact with you while performing at a concert/event, winking and smiling at you. (all the damn time)

Idol! Gojo, who ALWAYS says “This song is dedicated to someone very special to me…” locking eyes with you and always with that smirk, that same stupid-dumb-smug smirk that you love so much… and enjoy seeing no matter the context.

Idol! Gojo, who gets excited when he sees you on the VIP line up for the meet-and-greets the band has. Always smiling the closer you get to him, finally shining his famous smile when you reach him. Taking more than 5 minutes talking with you.

Idol! Gojo, who brags about you to his bandmates (especially Suguru), talks about you with everyone... At some point they get tired of him and tell him to shut up. Does he shut up? No. He keeps talking about his love, and you have to be the one to tell him to shut up. (he listens to you though)

Idol! Gojo, who no matter how tired he is... no matter how much he gave it (whether his all or not), he thinks he's not good enough either for you or his band and puts you and his bandmates as his top priority, putting himself last.

Idol! Gojo, who every time he’s sad, he either calls you over or goes to you. Needing you close, hugging him, comforting him, listening to him, basically being there for him and making him feel better and safer. Helping him through whatever is happening at the moment in the white haired man’s life.

Idol! Gojo, who protects all his close friends and you (especially you). No matter who or what, he will be there to fight whoever bothers you and be there for you when you need him for support.

Idol! Gojo, who listens to your troubles and does everything in his power to make the mood better by making jokes, tells you about a new song he wrote with Suguru, lightening the mood with hugs and kisses- either on your neck, cheeks, or forehead.

Idol! Gojo, who talks about his bandmates, how much he loves them, loves spending time with them and how lucky he is to have them as his close friends and bandmates. Smiling and giggling remembering the fun things he does with them, you always listen to him and can feel how much he truly cares for them.

Idol! Gojo, who likes to have you in between his legs while he sits on the floor or anywhere for that matter. He needs you on him, as close to him as possible, literally breathing the same air as you. Placing his head on your shoulder as you rest your back on his chest.

Idol! Gojo, who leaves soft kisses over your neck, trying to act dumb and biting once or twice... to see your reaction- which normally earns him a smack on the head or a scoff from you. But he knows you like them and this is how he shows how much he missed you.

Idol! Gojo, who everytime he goes on tour, always has you on call… before sleeping, while eating and even taking showers, and you never say “no” to a sleep call over facetime either. This man is so clingy, and everyone knows that… He’s always complaining about not seeing you to his friends.

Idol! Gojo, who loves teasing you. "Miss me baby? Yes? No?" He asks to get closer to you with that dumb smirk of his- you can't deny that you love it though. "I did *not* miss you at all." you say trying to bother him back, Gojo dramatically gasping and dropping to the ground as if he just got told his favorite pet died.

Idol! Gojo, who won "Miss Drama"- first place. If you get into a fight, or an argument- he won’t take it seriously… unless it's something VERY important, but you’ll never catch him lacking. Screaming and crying like a child if you ever ignore him. Asking for forgiveness, never truly knowing what he did wrong (dumb as fuck).

Idol! Gojo, who knows his worth, knows he's drop dead gorgeous and uses that to his advantage. Staring at you with those ocean blue eyes… those eyes that always make you dizzy from how beautiful and breathtaking they are. Getting lost in them and completely forgetting what you were even mad at him for.

Idol! Gojo, who everytime you crash at their house (Satoru and Suguru share a home studio) you sleep in Satoru’s bed all curled up together. Satoru waking up before you and just staring at you, caressing your head and pulling you closer to him.

Idol! Gojo, who loves to see you in the tour merch (shirts, hoodies, etc.) that are made for the band, merch with his name or face and even his own shirts… He will go crazy. “Oh…? You look so nice in that… who’s the lucky guy who bagged you huh?” he would say, looking your way as you walk around his room rearranging your things, and you respond with a laugh.

Idol! Gojo, who sits beside you while eating the breakfast Suguru made, thanking the cook as always and eating alongside your boyfriend. Gojo eats happily beside you, either stealing food from you or bothering you after you finished eating, for what? For attention of course.

Idol! Gojo, who gets the tiniest bit jealous when you talk to him about Suguru, even though you rarely do- you reassure him that he’s always number one. Making him giggle and smirk at Suguru… acting like he won some type of contest… but nonetheless, he knows you love his angelic voice.

Idol! Gojo, who tries his best to act like a normal human being, but never can while he's out secretly with you. He wears his famous sunglasses and a hat to “conceal” his identity… sometimes it works… sometimes he literally runs off scene to not cause any scandals. Knowing you wouldn’t want his face all over the news, with his reputation on the line and vice-versa, he wouldn't want that either for you.

Idol! Gojo, who always has a new dating scandal every week, definitely more than his bandmates because he’s loved the most (fan favorite). He has fans left and right, if he is spotted in public he WILL be met with a sea of people on his way. He’s always worried you will think he is cheating because of this, feeling sad and defeated because he can't do anything about that…

Idol! Gojo, who will reassure you, always and forever, that you are his one and only. He will explain every single scandal you find, and be truthful about everything. Not hiding a single detail, even telling you the time (if he was looking at his watch).

Idol! Gojo, who will tell you his whole day, not only to get the conversation going, but to let you know what he did, and to remind you that his day always gets better once he sees you. Telling you how much he loves you and how much you mean to him.

Idol! Gojo, who as much as he loves to hear your voice or talk to you about his own day, he also enjoys silence, and treasures his moments where he can be at peace, in complete silence with you, the only thing making noise is your breathing and his own. He will also try his best to match his breathing to yours, just because.

#gojo satoru #jjk gojo #gojo x reader #jujutsu gojo #jujutsu kaisen #anime #hc #idol #5sos #Joint Jinx Keystone #geto suguru #yuji itadori #megumi fushiguro

[bahamutgames]

AFTERTHOUGHTS - ROUNDUP ROUND 8

October - November 2023

Hello again!! Soon December will be upon us (or maybe it already is by the time I finish this lol. We'll see) and before you know it, 2023 will already be over. Sheesh. But we still have a few days of November and some big things in December to go through so let's take it one step at a time, okay?

Had an interesting time during October as I was finishing some RPGs and fell into a bit of a funk / gamer block after some junk. But thankfully I managed to pull myself out of it and I'm happily chipping away at my next RPG as we speak! I ended up playing a good amount of shorter stuff these past 2 months, so let's go ahead and talk about some of it!

Per the norm, these aren't reviews. Just my thoughts I'm slapping up here. You should play everything I talk about regardless of what I say and form your own opinion. Cool, let's begin!

Pikuniku (January 24, 2019) - Xbox One

As I said earlier, I fell into a bit of depressed slump for a little. And I decided that replaying Pikuniku would fix me. I played this back around the time covid started, so it had been a long while since I played it. And, yeah, it's still REALLY good! Cute visuals, one of my favorite OSTs ever probably, super charming script and story. It's such a good time honestly even if can be a little rough at points. If you haven't played this game before, I've played it twice now and it 100% gets my seal of approval.

Hatsune Miku Project DIVA F 2nd (March 27, 2014) - Playstation Vita

But... Pikuniku, despite how much I adore it. Didn't fix me. No, sadly, I was still in a bit of a slump and not sure what to play next after being drained of my gamer energy. Then I dug through my games to fetch a console for my sister, and happened to accidentally find out my other sister owned a Miku game on vita. I had no idea we had this! And I've been getting more into vocaloid lately. So what the heck? Why not play it?

I used to hate rhythm games but lately I like them a lot more and, yeah, I had a great time with this! Staying up late in bed playing it late at night was a ton of fun. I discovered a lot of new vocaloid songs I hadn't heard before (off the top of my head I really liked Melt and the spooky themed one but I'll have to relisten to them all to say which were favorites). The game is super cute, I think it looks great, I LOVE that there's a lot of costumes for each of the 6 characters, I liked all the music, and honestly yeah this game really made me feel a lot better.

Only things I can say against it is that easy is WAY too easy, not even asking you to use most buttons of the system. While normal was just WAY too brutal, I couldn't even beat Melt on Normal. Maybe I just suck though. Also I think it can be a little difficult to figure out how to equip costumes but it's not that big of a deal. I like the magician miku outfit a lot, fun game :)

Paratopic (September 6, 2018) - Nintendo Switch

Hey! Here's a game you probably would NOT expect me to play because I avoid horror like the plague lmao. But my brother bought this a long while back, and I saw it sitting there unplayed. And it's like, less than an hour long. So I figured, what the heck? And gave it a shot (shoutouts to my siblings owning random games I guess lol).

Paratopic is interesting because it's meant to be played in one go, with no saving at any point. There's not really any losing either, so it's kind of like an interactive movie. It's told out of order and is also not super in your face about the plot which could be a drawback but it's very clearly the intention so I think it does it very well. Graphics were nice, story is odd and interesting, it's a very unnerving game. I couldn't even relisten to the OST while writing this cause I was too scared (still listening to miku). But again there's no major scares as far as I recall? It's similar to Fatum Batula in art, odd themes, and the fact that it's probably a good horror game for people who hate horror. Not my thing but happy I played through it!

SLUDGE LIFE : The BIG MUD Sessions (August 2, 2023) - PC

DID YOU KNOW I'M A SLUDGE LIFE FAN!? DID YOU KNOW THAT? DID YOU KNOW I 100% COMPLETED THE FIRST GAME THE DAY I STARTED IT AND I OWN A CIGGY TSHIRT CAUSE I LOVE IT SO MUCH!?

Well anyway, I do. And somehow I missed out on the fact that there was a Sludge Life 2 demo that was free to play and had its own plot! So, naturally, I had to sit down and play it! Not a lot to say because it is a small story, taking place only in one building rather than a big city. But I thought it was a great way to get back into the swing of things with Sludge Life, and I had a blast completing this bite sized story! I even completed the full Gato Mago demo present in the game lol. If you're not sure if you'd like the games, I might honestly recommend playing this to give it a shot since it's easy to complete but has everything present in the main 2 games.

Mario Kart 8 Deluxe Booster Course Pass (March 18, 2022) - Nintendo Switch

I talked about the end of the Booster Course Pass a little bit on twitter. But just in case you missed it, I wanted to talk about it here. It's finally done, and honestly I had a blast with it. While this DLC was kinda rough at first, being pricey for some admittedly low quality tracks (at least in terms of graphics) I really think by the end they pulled it together and made this a very worthwhile package with LOTS of new tracks and even new characters that they didn't have to do! I really appreciated it!

This final set of stages was nice, DK Mountain is a classic and it's great to have it back. Rosalina's Ice World was a pleasant surprise! Bowser's Castle 3 seemed like it was gonna be the most boring one but I LOVED it! And Rainbow Road Wii was such a nice send off! Great remake of a great track!

For new tracks, Piranha Plant Cove stood out to me the most. I adored it, as it was brand new to me since I don't play Tour (my younger sister does and she hates this track lmao). But I thought it was gorgeous, has a great aesthetic with the beach/jungle ruins at night, and has great music. It felt like something out of a JRPG which love, and the music particularly reminded me of Sea of Stars a bit!

New characters were great too! Overall while there's still some characters and tracks I wish returned (Wario Stadium, ROB, stuff like that) I do think overall this DLC made MK8DX such a complete package and was totally worth the price of entry I payed however long ago. They brought back some of my all time favorite MK stuff such as Choco Mountain and Petey Piranha.

And honestly, it's looking like MK8 might finally be done. We might actually be moving onto Mario Kart 9 soon which feels crazy to me. MK8 is finished, Tour is done getting new content. I really truly think the next MK thing we see will probably be 9. And I wanted that for YEARS! When they announced the booster pass it rubbed me the wrong was cause I just wanted 9 already. But now that it's here? I'm gonna miss 8 a LOT. It's my favorite one next to DS probably. And it's been the latest Mario Kart for SO long. I remember going to gamestop the day it launched on Wii U to pick it up in 2014 (THAT'S 9 YEARS AGO, BTW. 9 YEARS OF MK8). I've gone through major life changes during the course of MK8's existence. Graduation, learning to drive, moving out (multiple times), presenting in public for the first time. Mario Kart 8 has oddly been a consistent part of my life for a while now. And I'm honestly a little emotional to let it go.

However, I'm very excited to see what comes next from this series. I'm waiting with baited breath for 9, and I'm sure that regardless of what the next game is like, I'll probably love it. It's hard to say goodbye, but I do really love MK8 more the more I think about it and reflect on my time with it. Late night playing with my sister, playing online with friends, playing with randos, driving around the tracks slowly to see all the little details. Thanks for all the good times Mario Kart 8. I'll always be using tilt controls :')

Super Kiwi 64 (December 2, 2022) - PC

Wow that last one got a little emotional, huh? Let's move onto something I haven't spent a large formative part of my adulthood playing. Siactro is a small indie dev I have become fiercely loyal to, playing just about everything they put out since I first played the original Toree! So when I saw they were making a new 3D Collectathon, I was VERY excited!

And this game lived up! It's great! Some GORGEOUS worlds that look so breath taking with these N64 styled graphics. Some fantastic music to accompany you. It feels WONDERFUL to play, I genuinely am OBSESSED with Kiwi's moveset. Gliding, dashing, stabbing into walls to climb up them. It might make exploring a little easy but exploring is absolutely the focus more than platforming is. And I think these tools make that goal very easy and EXTREMELY fun. In fact, it's so good I'm actually sad it isn't longer. There's only 8 worlds and they're all 100% completed rather quickly. Which is fine, Siactro games tend to be short. But this one was just SO good, I wanted more! That's a positive though I promise!

My only real negatives are that the game doesn't explain the plot too well, you have to play Beeny to understand what's happening. Which is fine for me, but it's odd they did that. I also think it's odd that there's NO ENEMIES! I don't think I took a single hit of damage through the game. I think some cute (CUTE NOT HORRIFYING) enemies would really elevate the game and make it a little tougher. Likewise, I know there's only 5-6 main collectables in each world, but I do think some way to keep track of them would be huge. Even just a hint list so you know what you're looking for. Regardless, super fun game, another banger from Siactro and if you're looking for a shorter 3D collectathon, do give it a look!

He Fucked the Girl Out of Me (July 24, 2023) - PC

I'm not sure it's appropriate for me to discuss this in this format as this is a deeply personal game for the creator that tackles real life serious subjects about their past. However, it is still a game and it's a game that's VERY good and I think everyone should play!

He Fucked the Girl Out of Me is a visual novel about the creator's life as a transwoman, and their time as a sex worker. It's a very sad game but that's exactly how it should be and it does end well. But I think it's a really interesting game just by the nature of it being an autobiographical game. That's something I've been interested in for a while and this game does it very well. Really putting you into the head of the creator as they take you through the story.

The graphics are nice, looking like a gameboy title. The story is told very well and did honestly make me cry a bit (I'm particularly sensitive though I cry a lot aha). It's a short game but I would love to see more games that tell people's experiences like this, I think getting to play it can give you a look into their life that a book or movie just can't do the same way. I really loved the scenes where you could pick snacks and see her thoughts on them, and I thought the scene where you see what people message you in this line of work was very well done. There's isn't a ton to say about the gameplay side of things, but I think that's fine since again, it is autobiographical and it manages to tell that story very well through a more VN styled approach.

The game tackles topics about shame, and hiding your trauma due to fear of getting in trouble and the trauma that fear adds on top of the shame. It's a something I think a lot of people can relate to even if you don't go through something as traumatic as what the creator of the game went through. It's an important message and I'll absolutely be keeping an eye on this developer going forward. If you've got the time, give this game a shot.

SLUDGE LIFE 2 (June 27, 2023) - PC

And here we are, Sludge Life 2! As a huge fan of the first, I couldn't resist anymore. I'm a little late but I just HAD to play SL2!! This game picks up RIGHT where The Big Mud Sessions ends off. Big Mud has gone missing after recording, and it's up to Ghost to track him down! All while tagging, making some new friends, and taking pictures of stupid stuff along the way.

It's very similar to the first, but now with the added Ciggy City attached the main town from the first game so there's a LOT more to explore now! Just like the first one it's a ton of fun to run around and platform about while tagging stuff and making friends with random taggers. A lot of them are new this time but there's some familiar faces too. It's still a blast, there's still lots to do, I like that the plot covers some more serious topics, it's very funny, it has great music, I love the graphics. Overall it's a blast! There's a fully uncensored penis in it which is awesome! This is random but I think more games should be allowed to have full uncensored nudity without getting an AO rating.

However, I personally didn't prefer it over SL1 or the Big Mud Sessions. It is fun. But like, I think it wasn't as fun. And it felt like they were leading up to something a little cooler than how it plays out. The death mold felt like it should have been a big thing leading to a big finale. But it's just the bad ending and it's quick and not addressed much, which is how the bomb worked in the first game. But the bomb wasn't teased and didn't feel like it may have been a big deal if that makes sense? I thought Ciggy City could be a little annoying to navigate at times, I don't like Gato Mago as much as the game in the first, I feel like they didn't improve some issues such as it being REALLY hard to find tag spots when you're near 100, I couldn't figure out how to spit in that guy's food! It is still good and I had a great time playing through it, but it just didn't feel as amazing as I was hoping a sequel would feel.

Regardless, I still recommend this series, and I hope we get a Sludge Life 3 that can maybe make good on some of its plot teasing? I am interested to see how the Death Mold will tie into a potential 3rd game as well seeing more uprising against the corruption in the world and the clops. I also would like to see a boss fight, because I really thought the health bar in the trailer meant there was gonna be a boss fight. Doesn't need combat or anything, I think the moveset present in these games could already make for an interesting boss.

Hello My Name is (Val)iant Or Val's Guide To Having A Broken Vag (June 1, 2023) - PC

Another short visual novel about sex and body stuff! This was also a game I randomly discovered a few weeks ago and had a great time playing through it! This game is more lighthearted than He Fucked the Girl Out of Me, but is still a great time and still has important things to say. You play as Val, a transman who has lived with extreme vaginal pain their whole life. And you see the struggles that comes from doctor negligence and trying to find love with that problem.

This one has some more gameplay like scenes, mainly 2 minigames you play twice. But the way they're handled is VERY interesting! I won't spoil it but there's a Tetris minigame used for talking to doctors, and a Rhythm minigame used for having sex. And the way it contrasts the feelings between 2 different experiences in both situations using these minigames is REALLY well done.

It's not autobiographical I don't think, but is more autobiographical in the sense that it capture's the dev team's past issues with doctors ignoring you, medical racism, and the lack of help and care for people with vagina's comfort in sex and just in their bodies in general. I'm not kidding when I tell you this game taught me more about vaginas than my entire life of sex ed in school. Drop out and play video games, kids. You'll learn more.

Great graphics, great music. I know I shouldn't compare it to HFTGOOM so much but I liked both of these a lot! I would love to see more games about real topics that affect real people in the future, and especially ones that maybe tackle more genres than just Visual Novel (though I understand it is the best medium for this)

Sonic the Hedgehog 4 - Episode I (January 19, 2012) - PC

It's time... to talk about Sonic 4... I want to preface this by saying I LOVE SONIC, and I genuinely feel kinda bad whenever I trash on something Sonic related because the series gets so much undeserved hate. And I know I recently had some negative opinions on the Final Horizons DLC but oh my god... Sonic 4 made me appreciate that so much more. Guys, this game sucks. I'm not joking when I say this is probably the worst Sonic game I've ever played.

This game feels so absolutely soulless in a way no other Sonic game can even come close to imitating. It's trying so hard to be like a Classic Sonic game by copying its level themes, concepts, and music style. But it copies absolutely none of the charm in any way. The music just isn't very good (kind of a sin for a Sonic game?). The graphics are REALLY bad imo. It's trying to make all the 3D models look like 2D sprites but it fails MISERABLY. The effect only works on the final boss. I really can't explain it, you'll just have to see the final boss for yourself, it's clearly trying to look like a 2D sprite. The game plays like GARBAGE! Sonic is so slow, takes forever to reach any meaningful speed, and the homing attack doesn't work 99% of the time. It's truly baffling to me.

Speaking of the final boss, that sucks too. The bosses in this game are all rehashes of earlier bosses, but less fun! Big surprise! This game ends with the Death Egg Robot again but unlike the Generations fight with it which is cool. This fight is like, a massive slog that takes FOREVER to kill. I seriously think it may take like 10 minutes to get through if you do perfectly? And it certainly took me about an hour with all my deaths. And the story being like, just the Sonic 1 story is so boring, no one talks, the animations don't look that good. This game just SUCKS. And that's just the game, not even considering the fact it's uploaded to Steam with an error that makes it so you can't launch it without a fan made launcher!

I think what bothers me so much about this game is that people ALWAYS like to flame on the usual suspects when it comes to Sonic. 06, Shadow, stuff like that. But I will die on this hill, those games, while maybe not being GREAT and certainly lacking polish, are FUN and full of heart and soul. Why is this game NEVER brought up? It has barely any, if any, redeeming qualities. I know this was made for youtube reviewers who hated Sonic having friends and stories but I genuinely cannot believe that even they would enjoy just playing Sonic 1 but worse and shorter? Truly a game for no one. Let's move on.

Sonic the Hedgehog 4 - Episode II (May 15, 2012) - PC

So right out of the gate, this game is SO much better than the first it's actually jarring. I still don't think it's great. But it's more just, eh, rather than being terrible like Episode I. For improvements, they drop the art style which is a big help. I feel like the music, while still trying to sound like Genesis music, actually works this time and sounds pleasant and fun. And while Sonic is still REALLY slow and the homing attack still doesn't really work, it just feels better to play. And the addition of new content instead of just rehashing old stuff is VERY welcome. Sonic 4 Episode 2 opens with a brand new, gorgeous castle stage. Has Tails who is used for team up moves, and features ACTUALLY NEW BOSSES! Wow!

Overall it is a massive improvement over the first. But it still has a lot of issues. For one, the levels are SO long. Like, they just do not end ever. And they do kind of start to copy other games in the second half . The Tornado level is a SLOG and just not fun. I hate the stupid half pipes (does anyone really like these?) And the bosses are even worse, they're not BAD but they're SO long and all end on this big hit you have to land that can be a chore to get right (the trash golem boss). And the final boss, while it is WAY cooler, lasts SO long!! You have to walk through a not super short level to get to it, watch a not short cutscene, then watch a cutscene after EVERY PHASE. Unskippable, do this upon EVERY DEATH. Not every Game Over, EVERY DEATH!

Whatever, again, it is a LOT better than the first. It's not offensively bad like that one was. But still, kind of an odd game. The boss themes are great though.

Sonic the Hedgehog 4 - Episode Metal (May 15, 2012) - PC

I probably don't have to discuss this as it's just Episode I backwards. But I do have to give some props to this one cause it is kinda neat. And probably the most interesting idea of Sonic 4. Letting you play as Metal is cool, I'm a sucker for stuff like this where you revisit worlds in a different context (you start at the final world and work your way back to the starting world.) It's neat! And even though it's pretty much identical to Sonic 4 Episode 1. It's way shorter, with no bosses. So it's more fun.

Overall I'm happy I tried Sonic 4. But these games just sucked man. If you wanna play one, just play Episode 2 don't even bother with Episode 1. I genuinely get a bit of happiness knowing there was never an Episode 3 I have to suffer through. 2D Sonic still has a place nowadays. But everything offered here is done better in LITERALLY EVERY OTHER ATTEMPT AT A NEW 2D SONIC!

Want classic gameplay with nice classic pixel art? Sonic Mania is there. Want classic gameplay with the modern designs? Sonic Advance Trilogy is better. Want 2D Sonic with homing attacks and boosting and stuff? Sonic Rush games are better. Oh but you can't play as Metal? YOU FOOL!! SONIC RIVALS 1&2 ARE BOTH BETTER AND ALSO HAVE SHADOW AND EVEN ROUGE IS IN THE SECOND ONE!

And when do these games take place? Is it trying to imply this ACTUALLY takes place between Sonic 3 and Adventure? Like is this supposed to be saying Metal is only in heroes BECAUSE of this game? That's nuts right? That sounds insane right?

Again, truly a game for no one. Go play Sonic Rivals.

Portal (October 10, 2007) - PC

Ah, Portal! You may be surprised to learn I've never beaten this game! And more surprised to learn I've NEVER beaten a Valve game prior to this! I started this game when I was young but got stuck during one of the puzzles (the only where you have to launch yourself across the barrier you can't shoot through?) and dropped it. But I own it again on steam and thought I should give it another go. And I'm glad I did!

This game was SUPER fun! It's short but every level is genuinely cool to try and figure out how to use the portals to their fullest. Which, in of itself, feels very impressive to me. I can't help but feel like programming and making those portals work must have been a NIGHTMARE! But it payed off because again, it's SUPER fun! GLaDOS is really funny during the whole thing, the credits song is of course fantastic, and the creepy parts where you see outside of the experiments were VERY scary and I had to mute the game during them cause they unnerved me so much lmao.

But without a doubt, the best part of this game was the final boss. I thought it was SUPER interesting trying to get the portals lined up to blast GLaDOS. And the context of the fight, with GLaDOS being obsessed with flooding the facility with toxic gas was very funny.

The only real drawback I can say the game has considering it's so short is that the final escape sequence is a little long. But GLaDOS taunting you during it and trying to sound like she's in control of the situation was fun and I did like the part where you have to fight a bunch of the turrets at once.

But yeah! Fun game! Glad I finally beat it! I still hold firm that Chell is the best choice for a Valve character in Smash Bros. cause I'd be SO interested in seeing them make the portals work in that game!

#2023 #thoughts #roundup

[dine-on-nervine]

I really wish Xkit would fix Editable Reblogs

Have you stayed up past 3 in the morning this week? No, but my thing lately seems to be waking up at 3am. Not getting out of bed unless it's to kill time on the computer, but after an hour of browsing I roll over and usually get some dreamy sleep.

What was on the last sandwich you had? The cuban at Amazon Go. Do highly recommend the sandwich and the store if one of them is near you.

What does the soap you use smell like? Mandarine orange and (very faintly) cedar.

Do you prefer to wrap gifts or use gift bags? I like wrapping gifts but haven't done that much in years.

The last person you spoke to, do you know their eye color? I should by now, since I go to that restaurant every week, but no.

Does anyone you know have their hair bleached? Yeah, a few people.

When you’re on the phone, do you doodle? Nope. My grandmother doodled though.

Is there anyone you know by the name of Frank? A former nephew.

Do you own a trenchcoat? You could say that. It's an Australian duster.

Name the hardiest piece of technology you own? I own many pieces of vintage technology which are more durable than you'd imagine. So for fun, let's say it's a typewriter.

Have you ever written with a pen that had pink ink? Probably.

Do you remember the last thing you took a picture of? A VHS tape at Deseret Industries: training material for Baskin-Robins.

From where you’re sitting, can you turn the lights off? If I leaned hard enough.

When was the last time you accidentally slept in? Twice in the last month or so I had either not set an alarm because I thought I'd be awake well before, or didn't change the PM to AM. In both cases, I was out of bed and out the door in 10 minutes after I realized the time, and made it where I was supposed to be ON time.

The last argument you had, who started it? I don't get into arguments. But I'd say that was a month ago and she both started it and finished it, and now I'm single.

Do you wear a ring on your left hand middle finger? I normally don't wear rings, but the hematite one I picked up in BC goes on my right fourth finger.

Can you remember the title of the song you last sang aloud? "Puppets" by Depeche Mode. The video came up in my Facebook feed from when they did it live on some show in 1981 -- and the sudden realization that you don't watch Fletch play the keyboard.

If a stranger smiles at you, do you smile back? Usually.

Tell me the current time? 6:17PM.

Are you currently listening to music through earphones? Nope.

What color shirt are you wearing? Is it your favorite color? I am naked. Will fix that soon, I need to fuel the car.

Do you own a pair of rubber boots? Not in many years.

Have you ever owned a tire swing? No, my dad would never allow that. I may have at one time had a piece of board with a knotted rope through the middle.

Does anyone you know own a bird that can talk? Nope.

What make-up are you wearing currently, if any? None. Straight male here.

Name one thing you are glad you accomplished today? It will be, in an hour, getting my car fueled. I swung by Costco twice today and it was ridiculous both times.

Name one thing you wished you accomplished today but didn’t? I had no aspirations for the day. I probably should have been scanning photos and I meant to (and still can) text my mother to ask about coming over next month.

Have you ever been afraid to call someone, even if you knew them well? I don't really like calling people unless I'm sleeping with them.

Do you ever not speak to someone because you’re afraid you’ll annoy them? This has happened, because they let me know one way or another that I was annoying them. Unrelated: Then there was the time a friend and I didn't talk for a good period of time because a mutual friend was telling lies to both of us -- she told friend that I wanted to get with her husband (say what?) and told me that friend was too busy to see me when I was in town (when I should have asked directly because I knew the friend had that day off from work).

Is there any drama going on in your circle of friends? I don't have a circle of friends.

Have you ever known a guy who caused a lot of drama? Just one, a former coworker. Happily he's a former coworker and so I don't have to deal with his imaginary trauma anymore. He still comes in every so often and talks to people but I say hi in passing and go away so I don't have to hear about shit no one cares about.

Is there anyone you know who wears their hair in pigtails regularly? Nope.

Personally, do you think you have a nice smile? I think so.

Do you have a nervous twitch? Not that I can think of.

Does the idea of snowpeaked mountains and a large lake sound appealing? I live minutes from these things.

Pick any number that has personal significance to you? No.

Have you ever lost your luggage at an airport? Nope.

Have you ever been on a rollercoaster that actually scared you? Maybe, but I've definitely been on a few that injured me.

Do you know anyone who can fluently speak more than two languages? Likely.

How many windows are open on your computer right now? Just the browser, and only one tab.

Do you have a fairly fast or slow internet connection? It's fast but sometimes takes awhile to actually do anything.

Have you ever gone in a sauna? Yes.

Out of these colors, which appeals most to you: orange, blue, or green? Green.

Have you celebrated your birthday yet this year? Three weeks ago.

Is there anything you’re saving up for? Nothing comes to mind, but I am always saving money for large bills like tire replacements and vacations.

Are you taller than most of your friends? My bestie, yes.

Know anyone with a really annoying laugh? I have a coworker that you can hear coming from the other side of the store. I mean, it's a great laugh but as said, it's obnoxious.

Have you ever punched someone and broke their nose? I don't think I've broken a nose but there was that time I swung and apparently my hand wasn't fisted enough... put a scratch on the guy's face. He learned a Valueable Lesson not to fuck with the wimpy kid.

What is the longest time you have gone without sleep? A couple days.

Have you ever been someplace tropical? Nope.

If given the opportunity, would you act in a commercial? I wouldn’t do any acting. I did used to want to do commercial acting when I was a kid, though. I used to practice and pretend I was making one all the time lol. << I have tape recordings of my fake ads. :)

You see an ant on the ground, do you squish it? Ants are fine. It's other bugs that must go squish.

Have you ever baked a pie? I have!

What is your favorite social networking site? Tumblr.

Who was the last person to call you? Last call no one was there. Previous call was a scammer. Call before that... I forget.

Does anyone in your family tell funny stories? My folks have been better about this. I'm usually the storyteller.

Do you believe in finders keepers in most situations? What was lost, what was found?

Is there a war memorial where you live? A few.

Has anyone in your family fought in any of the wars? Dad was in 'Nam.

Would you make any changes to your current bedroom? I would love to, starting with making it twice the size. But realistically, I have way too much shit in here. The one thing I'd change if I could would be that it never smells like four dogs live downstairs or like I have an open collection of mildewed old magazines.

Has a stray dog ever tried to bite you? Of course.

When riding a bus, do you prefer to sit up front, down back or the middle? Up front, actually.

Have you ever been on a cross-country train ride? Nope.

Are you normally a person to tell people off? Nope. But in my mind I might lash out. :)

Name an object that most would consider odd that’s special to you? The milk carton with Milkwalker on it. Seems I have the only one.

What animal have you always wanted as a pet but couldn’t have? I'd say a cat, since I couldn't have an indoor one when I was a kid and can't have one here due to the four stupid dogs (and the landlady says she's allergic... somehow).

Do you currently have any bugbites? No. Too cold for bugs now.

Is where you live on a boulevard, road, street, or avenue? It’s a cul-de-sac.

Is there currently any caffeine in your system? Of course. But from zero-calorie soda today instead of coffee.

Look around, are things organized? No. I know where things are, but there's no organization.

Know what you’re planning to do after this? I will dress and go fuel the car in 20 minutes.

#100 ?'s

[ehdrmfahs]

who’s eyes pt 3/3

Deling City always had a strange effect on Squall. He often blamed it on his time here in the past, when the city was exactly the same but the people were different. NOt him, but Laguna. Not his friends, but Kiros and Ward. Not Rinoa, but Julia.

Othertimes, it was the weight of what they almost did to Edea. Now, he felt like he just wasn't made for the big city.

He focused on Rinoa's hand in his palm. She knew where she was going. He let himself be led through the crowd of people and just drifted. Trusted. Once he felt the cool air conditioning blow his bangs back, he opened his eyes and found himself back at Deling Hotel.

"Can we stop for a drink?"

Squall and Rinoa got more than one drink, so they got a hotel room as well. The sheets were cool, Rinoa was warm, and everything was soft. Squall didn't really like drinking much, but tonight he could understand why Zell did. Rinoa whines a little when he pullss back from their kiss. Resting on his haunches, he takes his shirt off, pulls his zipper down, pants off. Rinoa grabs onto his forearms, gripping hard.

"Are you okay?"

She nods. Another kiss before he pulls her dress up and off. Squall turns to toss it on the chair, and Rinoa pounces onto him, straddling his thighs. Rough, sword-worn hands ran up and down her milky, smooth legs while she shakily lowers herself onto him.

!~!

After they've both finished, showered, ate, and Squall smoked (twice), he still wasn't ready to fall asleep. Rinoa's head rests on his chest, rising and falling with his breath. His fingers comb and card through her hair, enjoying it just for the sensation. Rinoa hummed appreciatively, closer to sleep than him.

Rinoa rolls over, bright eyes locked on his. Squall can't match her gaze, but gets a playful pinch on her cheek in before sliding out of bed.

Rinoa tracks him from the bed, to his jacket, to his pants, to the window. Squall lits up a cigarette he never wanted to smoke, and the acrid stink of it in his throat almost makes him gag. Instead, he hocks a loogey outside.

The nicotine, the fresh night air, and the post-nut clarity all mix together to sober Squall up. From his vantage, he can see all the way to Rinoa's house. They hadn't stopped in to see Fury in weeks. He and Rinoa both knew he wasn't ready, that he would do or say something he would grow to regret.

"I actually didn't like that song for a long time."

Squall faces Rinoa, wrapped up in in sheets and looking for all the world like a Renaissance painting. His heart races — he had gotten away with not talking about the song for months now. "I thought everyone liked it."

Rinoa's lips tease into a not-quite smile. "Everyone's mom didn't write it. You've met Dad, you can imagine how he felt about hearing it. He was too scared to feel anything about her."

Squall just nods. Blows smoke out the window. Curses Fury Caraway to hell and back.

Rinoa continue. "Now, listening to her music makes me feel close to her. I played it a lot during our mission."

"I oughta say thank you to her."

Rinoa smiles privately. Squall would do anything for her. He puts his cigarette in the ashtray and dropped from standing to kneeling betweeen her legs at the end of the bed. He feels her arms rubbing up and down his back.

He hears her take a deeper breath than normal. When he looks up, he's surprised to find Rinoa finishing off his cigarette. She doesn't cough or hack, just smiled down at Squall.

They sat there in silent stasis while she finishes smoking. And then after. Squall doesn't know how long it was before Rinoa picks up humming again. The melody was familiar to Squall, but he couldn't place it exactly. Not before she finally sang the lyrics.

"Did you ever know? That I had mine on you."

#ff8 fanfic #final fantasy 8 #final fantasy viii #squall x rinoa #squall leonhart #rinoa heartilly