I'm in a silly goofy mood, so let's talk about female boobs in the ren faire. A completely different post by @ionlydrinkhotwater prompted me to go back and re-read those chapters, specifically with a focus on how breasts are talked about it. And it's funny because this is one of the main things used to read Simon as potentially attracted/sexually interested in women, but for me, this is in my top 2 reasons why I argue the complete opposite (i read him as aspec)
Unless I'm forgetting something about Penny, out of the main four, Baz is the only one who explicitly labels his sexuality. He knows enough about himself to label himself as gay. Using the character who is 100% sure breasts are not his "cup of tea" to introduce us to the "abundance of cleavage" tells us pretty clearly that this is really impossible not to notice. As in, even someone who isn't into it at all, and who isn't out there wanting to look at boobies can't possibly ignore them.
Baz here is very aware of boobs and potential interest in Simon, for the same reason Simon is very aware of Lamb as a "handsome vampire with an interest in Baz". It's good ol' jealousy. (Both experience jealousy that comes from much insecurity in this book, Baz is much more chill and low-key about it though lol).
But hear this: Simon doesn't fucking react. (As someone who falls somewhere in the ace spectrum, but can potentially be attracted to anyone regardless of gender–and has thought a lot about the difference between aesthetic attraction vs sexual attraction/interest– boobs are pretty damn high in the list of things confirming I can be very into women, if I was in that position, I would definitely struggle with not looking)
This is kinda like how Baz has zero fucks to give about whether or not Lamb is attractive, it wasn't relevant enough to even care (in awtwb Simon notes, surprised, that Baz “didn't notice” how "fit" Lamb is) (Both of them are hyper-aware of other people being potentially interested in the other, but neither truly registers other people showing interest in them. It tracks with them being truly uninterested in other people, romantically and sexually). These books do not spend much time with descriptions, but when they're there, it's pretty purposeful. Given the reason Baz is noticing boobs in this scene, he would absolutely note if Simon reacted, even if it's to look down/directly towards the breasts, or to turn back to keep looking at the woman while she goes away. All we focus on it's only on what the woman is doing though, meaning that Simon was most likely just standing there, not doing shit. He immediately answers Penny on a completely different subject, not distracted at all. In fact, the only thing that gets his attention here is food. He's pretty enthusiastic about it, truly.
It's also worth noting that, while we have reasons to believe Simon is very good-looking, it's much more likely that Simon picked the nearly-topless woman's attention because of his wings. This is almost immediately afterward:
Simon is stealing looks because his wings are out! Surely y'all wouldn't think I'm crazy for making the following connection: wings out=tits out. What do they have in common? well, freedom, for one. Just like how Simon can't usually walk around with his wings on display (like he's doing here, while everyone just thinks it's cool as hell), a woman can't usually just walk around nearly topless (there are much more situations where dudes can go around shirtless)
My man here nearly comes into contact with boobs and he doesn't even notice. He doesn't register it! All he's focusing on is the food, and what he can have to drink. While looking "a little green" is probably about the lack of papers (or maybe being denied access to alcohol, which Simon wants at the moment?) it's quite a choice to have that being voiced immediately after boobs almost come into contact. Also interesting that what immediately follows is a comparison to Ebb, a woman Simon loved like a close friend, like family. Baz notices the boobs (because they're practically in Simon's face) but Simon doesn't. He shows no interest at all. This is what he thinks about this moment:
He's 100% focusing on the food. All he has to say about this woman, all he notices about her is that she gave him free chocolate sauce, and how friendly that was of her. This is the highlight for him, he didn't pay attention to anything else. Food is used to express connection and love in the series, and this is about Simon feeling welcomed. Everyone is so nice.
This is about freedom and acceptance.
And when are in Simon's POV, this is what we get about boobs.
First of all, "I'm not mad about it" just means "I'm ok with this, I don't have a problem with seeing this". Which isn't really enthusiastic, it doesn't even read as particularly interested (you don't have to be horny or feel sexual interest to be cool with people showing skin). If a character who's explicitly sexually interested in women said this, I'd think they're trying to downplay it. Most importantly: this can't be separated from how, while he thinks this, he's also thinking "was I ever into women? am I only sexually attracted to Baz?".
I've said this many times, and I'll say it again: as a boobie-liker, if someone is looking at breasts, and he's only doing it because he's absolutely surrounded by it and it's impossible not to, and literally never outside of that, and this prompts "it's possible that I was never attracted to women" I'm inclined to think that mayhaps boobs aren't his cups of tea either. Simon has boobs practically on his face at least twice, this would be the moment to bring that up. And he doesn't. He doesn't bring up breasts that were close to coming into contact with him when he mentions them, his breast comment is as in passing as the women he's observing with the vampires (that's what prompts the thought, women he's looking from afar, and not the ones that were very close to him). It's a general observation.
It's also interesting that Simon, who's a generally a more observant character than Baz, is much less "detailed" when mentioning breasts. You actually get a far better idea of how out and truly everywhere the boobs are from Baz's POV (it's in line with Baz to be much more detailed in noticing clothing though, Simon only says corset and calls it a day) "Cleavage" and "busty" are also what I use when I want to be vaguer/less "explicit" about breasts for whatever reason. Simon's observation is a brief sidenote, especially compared to Baz's thoughts, and it's secondary to what the questions he's making about himself reveal. ("Am I still attracted to women?.... was I ever, really?" is in line with doubting/starting to question the heteronormative thinking that trapped Simon during his school years, the kind that assumes straight as the default)
Finding a way to make female boobs about Baz is truly on brand for Simon (he only has eyes for him, I tell you, very in passing comments about other ppl's appearances included, in the way Baz only has eyes for him). His Baz-only-sexual comment, to me, it's part of the reason I read him as aspec, perhaps even demi. Also relevant is that, besides the way heteronormativity can fuck this up, is common for acespec people to spend a lot of time wondering "is this sexual attraction?", struggling to come up with answers, while just knowing you're attracted instinctively is pretty common for allosexuals. (aesthetic attraction vs sexual attraction is also relevant here).
Also relevant is that Simon does show clear signs of attraction in the ren faire. Before entering:
Baz can tell Simon is looking at him with interest. He's looking at him, literally tongue out (similarly, Baz licks his bottom lip while looking at a shirtless Simon in awtwb. Quite suggestive I'd say). We know Simon has a thing for Baz's hair, and he can't help but stare at him when Baz lets it down and free. Baz would've noticed in jealousy if Simon couldn't help but stare at boobs, he was paying attention to that and was ready to intervene (shooing away the nearly topless woman).
Simon also has a thing for Baz's eyes:
Simon is so attracted to Baz that it makes him silly. My man was really out there thinking Baz is... what, striking a pose to prepare for death??? and his main focus is "his eyes are very attractive". Obviously, his thoughts aren't very clear at the moment. His attraction derails them lol
We do get an important bit that says something about the way Simon experiences attraction, and it has nothing to do with boobies
Simon, whose love language includes murder, gets so horny at Baz throwing a couple of flames to do a little murder (without even using a wand!) that he jumps him while in the middle of an escape. He can't control himself. He thinks Baz is hot when he fights. And he's telling us that he used to pick fights with Baz for horny reasons!
Also relevant, on the subject of attraction, it's this part from when Simon is thinking about (failed attempts) at having sex with Baz. (This is where the e-book was when I opened it again before going to the ren faire chapters, and I can't resist adding it lol)
Sexual attraction and romantic love. Hand in hand.
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