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for-a-longlongtime · 8 months

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On Dieter, Goya's Black Paintings, and Pedro on Talk Art

Alright y'all, it's Saturday evening, I have nothing better to do (I actually do but I don't feel like it), so welcome to my mini TED Talk about 'how to pay too much fucking attention to the Pedro cinematic universe'. None of this is new, and maybe everybody already knew about this, but I didn't... so here's a nerdy tangent courtesy of googling/wikipedia-ing.

I was reading a Dieter!fic (this one right here by @chaoticgeminate - go read her writing!) earlier today, which refers to the 'Saturn Devouring His Son' painting - that giant mural Dieter is working on in The Bubble:

(his brush isn't even touching the wall tho, ha)

The original 'Saturn' by Goya

The fic mentioned its part of 'The Black Paintings', so I got curious and started googling. I'm no art major or expert, so please allow me to just paraphraze the Wikipedia page. 'Saturn' is part of a group of 14 Goya paintings that are called Pinturas Negras/The Black Paintings. They "portray intense, haunting themes, reflective of both his fear of insanity and his bleak outlook on humanity" --this was late in Goya's life, and was connected to several illnesses he had experienced (and the fear of relapsing) and political turmoil in Spain at the time (post-Napolean war, changing Spanish government, etc.

Trivia fact 1: Goya actually made these paintings right on the walls of the Quinta del Sordo (so-called Deaf Man's villa) where he was staying -- so I love that Apatow had Dieter also paint right on the walls.

Trivia fact 2: while Goya was living in this villa, he actually became gravely ill (again) - not by a pandemic obviously, but it's hard to not link that loosely to the COVID period. He had never intended for these 'Black Paintings' to become public; "these paintings are as close to being hermetically private as any that have ever been produced in the history of Western art" (the murals were eventually transfered to canvas by other folks once he had moved out of the villa). Switching back to The Bubble -- I love how the tragic influence of Goya's illness(es) and art/things 'made at home away from the world, not intended for an audience' (so obviously, in a bubble) has that connection to the COVID experience and how many folks were suddenly homebound, along with the burden of illness in many ways (lord knows this all did a serious number on our mental health). In the movie, Dieter and the others do not want to go into isolation again, but that solitude is what eventually led him to painting on the walls in his room. This is not a 'grand discovery' of any kind, but I got a kick out of the parellels once I read up on it - and honestly makes me appreciate the movie a bit more, haha.

Not happy about another quarantine period.

Alright, more hyperfocusing after the cut:

Some googling led me to a post from last year by @nicolethered (gifs in this post are hers), and she included screencaps of the walls of Dieter's room (during that drug scene), which I hadn't even noticed while watching the movie. Upon taking a closer look, I noticed they're outtakes from other pieces of Goya's Black Paintings! I thought that was really cool, they sure worked on the details with that set (there's one more that's shown in a different shot but I can't exactly figure out which outtake that is):

First one is a mirror image from Two Old Men Eating Soup and the second one is basically Satan aka 'The Great He-Goat' from the Witches' Sabbath painting. Which IMO makes for fucking hilarious perfection a.k.a. trivia fact 3 -- because we all know about Dieter and his little emotional support goat, LOL. Excellent connection.

*insert sound bit from Hot Ones interview* : "Just let me love you!"

Anywaaay there's more. The Bubble was shot during Feb 22, 2021 to April 16, 2021, right? Pedro has spoken about how his input in shaping Dieter was mostly regarding his outfits (the Crocs, the robe, etc). But then I suddenly remember the Talk Art interview he had done in 2018, and how he namechecks 'The Dog' by Goya - and lo, guess which painting is actually part of the 14 Black Paintings? Yeap - the dog! So I checked the podcast and he was asked, 'if you could be any painting, what painting would you be?' by Russell. Here is the painting, and below it is what he said on Talk Art:

'The Drowning Dog' by Goya

"I think… it's a Goya. Yeah, old school. I think it's called 'Dog Buried in Sand' or something like that. It's so… I remember feeling it was such a visual representation of helplessness, in such a… come on, let's all admit that helplessness is a very recurring feeling for many of us, you know what I mean? When it comes to so many things. I guess… I was in Spain, in Madrid, and I was 20. And I went to the Goya museum. What's interesting about it is that the head of the dog is really quite small and sort of adorable, it looks like a stray mutt, and the painting - if I can remember it correctly - is very rectangular. There's so much above him, like the world just seems so big. It's quite incredible, isn't it? I know it's really sad, and sort of dark, and maybe I really like enjoy perceiving myself like..." (He gets interrupted by Russell, and then continues;) "Yeah, he's certainly not dying, it's sort of - it's a moment", (then interrupts himself with;) "Maybe he's totally dying, there's no way that dog is getting out of that. That dog is SO fucked. Anyway, that's the painting that represents my life". (All three of them burst out into laughing.)

If you're still reading this - I am impressed with your dedication to my silly little post, haha. Anyway, I just thought it was so striking that there basically is a straight line from the painting he mentioned in Talk Art to what Dieter is painting in the Bubble. Makes me wonder if perhaps he - or even Russell/Robert - had any input in that part of Dieter's backstory.

Thank you for attending my TED Talk on artistic analysis of Dieter Bravo during COVID, we now resume your regularly scheduled program for Saturday night. 🤪

(Have I been smoking because a local dispensary actually had 'Mando' bud? I sure as fuck have and I blame that for this post.)

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juriyuna · 2 years

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There's something very heartwarming to me about how Juri said in her ch.8 Kagome interview that she's never been able to think about a future for herself because of her sickness, and then ch.10 gives us a Kimochi mindscape scene where we see her 14 years down the road, all grown up and living a normal, peaceful life. (well, as peaceful as it can be, given the circumstances)

For the longest time, Juri had no idea how she'd ever get a handle on her sickness, or if she even could. She says she and her dad tried everything they could think of to help her manage it, but nothing worked. It's been a problem since she was a kid, and only got worse when she became a teenager. She's almost gotten expelled from school on multiple occasions, between acting out, getting into fights, failing classes/tests, and forgetting assignments. The stress of having a mental illness she couldn't control created its own terrible ouroboros of anger and self-loathing. She was so sure that the only future she had ahead of her was death, since she thought all she'd ever be capable of is causing problems for everyone she cares about.

But then we see her as an adult, in a stable relationship with Yuna, raising their daughter (Ao) together. She's got friends, a good job as a mechanic, and a comfortable home life with a family who loves her. (Ao- who says in several of her homescreen quotes that she prefers to play games alone- even asks Yuna and Juri "Mom, Mama, can we play together once?" which is super sweet.) Juri's just thriving. ;_;

Her issues haven't completely gone away, of course, but she's gotten a lot better at dealing with them over the years. Her stress doesn't build up as easily, and fighting the Kimochi appears to be enough to help her blow off steam. She's considerably more laid-back, not as quick to pick fights as she was when she was younger. Her job is very hands-on (as well as sort of messy lol), which is perfect for someone like her.

We also get to see her go from "friendless; always sits alone for lunch at school, declining her classmates' offers for company (Juri's MSS)" → "has gotten closer with the other Promised Blood girls; sees the world a little differently now that she's realized just how fun it is to spend time with friends (ch.8/Kagome interview)" → "teaching her daughter about the importance of making friends (ch.10/ep.4)". Growth!!

It might sound kinda cheesy, but man... This sort of thing is the core of PMMM to me. Like, maybe life is kicking the shit out of you. Maybe everything feels bleak. But you don't have to go it alone; there are people who love you. Things really do get better, even if you can't imagine it right now. You just gotta hang onto hope.

#magia record #ooba juri #this whole chapter was good in general #''you're not alone; there's still hope for your future'' was the theme of both this chapter and sudachi's battle museum #and god i am a sucker for it #makes my heart all mushy every time ;;#long post #(kinda?)

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rhaenyras · 3 years

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EXTENDED LIST OF THINGS THAT ARE WRONG WITH CHAPTER 139

ymir the founder fritz, aka the most powerful and compelling plot device that isayama could have ever employed in order to explain the origin of the titans, the inherent slavery of the eldian people, and also everything else wrong in the world, was emptied of all value and purpose when she was revealed to have loved her abuser and oppressor. her life-long struggle to break free from the slave mentality that was pounded into her since childhood turned out to be... totally hollow. the woman's real purpose was to keep loving the man who cut off her tongue, raped her as a child and eventually had her cannibalized by their daughters when she failed to survive a murder attempt on his person. which makes for a very pinpoint parallel with eren, tbh, but he gets a whole paragraph all to himself later. amor vincit omnia should not become a convenient fix-it trope so that stuff can magically make sense in less than 50 pages. not to mention that this makeshift ��solution” doesn't account for countless plot holes, that would only make sense if ymir was an abuse survivor looking to get her agency back. and even if i was keen on excusing the sloppy writing, i still wouldn't let the whole romanticisation of rape and trauma thing slide so easily. by giving a young victim like ymir fritz romantic feelings and a blind devotion towards her rapist, isayama is basically conveying a very pitiful and toxic message, one he refuses to even dignify with a realistic explanation for the thousands of readers who couldn't make a sense of it. the way this twisted version of love seems to be universally accepted by all the characters in the last chapter, as they just shrug it off like some sort of inevitable superior force that works in mysterious ways, made me wanna gouge my eyes out and never read another word again

mikasa's arc. mikasa had the potential to be the only character in the entire manga to come out on top when all was said and done. she had openly opposed eren's idea of a genocide. she had left the scarf behind when he voiced his hatred for her. she seemed ready enough to sever the proverbial umbilical cord and move on, live a life with pride, knowing how she could have outgrown her silly, dependent, obsessive old self. she might have started out as a yandere caricature, a passive and annoying side-effect to having eren as the main character, but she could have done so much better later on. she, too, just like ymir fritz, might have broken free, if only isayama liked liberated and strong women. she had the range. she had the potential, the backstory, everything. given the chance, she could have redeemed herself. but did isayama care? nope. he just threw her to the sickos in the fandom and said “here's your little psycho doll. do what you will with her. also, she's the key to understanding the superior force that works in mysterious ways aka love aka all the nonsense i'm actually too lazy to commit to”. and so, mikasa is as inconsequential in the ending as she ever was as eren's ever-present bodyguard, if not more, because now she's even refusing to look ahead and fight. two things that she at least tried to do every so often back when eren was alive. not only she surrendered to her own mental illness, but she even saw it turned into a pretty fantasy that the readers can idealise (again, romanticisation of all the wrong things) and that she'll never be able to escape so long as she lives. what's worse, she doesn't even want to, because in this manga we love downgrading and being stuck in the past, as the worst possible versions of ourselves.

historia's pregnancy. it shouldn't even have happened in the first place, unless it was dictated by historia's explicit desire to have a child precisely when she asked for one and by that one unnamed farmer guy and nobody else. whether that was the case or not remains, to this day, still shrouded in mystery because, again, isayama didn't think of coming clean about any aspect of historia's sudden decision. the notion that she might have been raped or submitted to something she really didn't want simply for the drama of it leads to some pretty terrifying implications. i have already explained countless times how it didn't even make sense for eren to be so adamant about rejecting the 50 year plan on account of not wanting historia to be breeded like cattle, titanised, and eventually devoured by her children, if he was just... gonna let her have her way, she only had to ask him nicely. why ever would historia need eren's permission to have a child? what was she even trying to tell him in chapter 130? why did eren tell her something as pivotal as the genocide plan if the friendship between them wasn't any different from any other in the 104th? why would eren take the risk to meet her in secret and suggest that they do something as radical as fighting the mp's or running away, if all she had to do was just... ask that he let her get pregnant? i suppose that was just a bait for a very specific side of the fandom, at this point, as the extent of the entire cryptic conversation from ch. 130 was never covered, and we were probably just supposed to forget about it. I can only forgive isayama for basically baiting me into shipping erehisu because he still gave historia a decent wrap-up in the ending, she looked in control and happy enough with her new life, which is something i warmly wished for her. she seems to be in a better spot than most of her former comrades, and virtually, she is the true inheritor of eren's original (and later disowned) ideology, as she is the one who will lead eldia into the future as a free nation, whatever that may mean for them now that titan powers are no longer a thing. I'm very proud of her and generally i am happy with how things played out for her and yeah, thinking back on it with a colder mind... i wouldn't have wanted it any other way, ships be damned

wHY WAS LEVI IN A WHEELCHAIR????? like..... scars aside, he was up and about in one panel, and in the next he was disabled... that was just... idk?? weird but i suppose isayama went overboard to provide us with some residual dramatic value here

the genocide being just a red herring. APPARENTLY eren never believed that the genocide was a solid way to achieve freedom. his true intention was to antagonize himself so that his friends would be hailed as heroes, but like... why... he didn't even achieve the complete annihilation of conflict in the world by doing so? his friends might be heroes now, but they're going to spend the rest of their lives fighting for their very lives. if anything, eren sparked new conflicts and made the new order so much worse for the eldians, as they have no choice but to keep fighting, except with the same weapons as anybody else now. he basically doomed his people to a bleak future of war and possibly extinction. he killed 80% of the entire world to cause nothing but a disappointing regretful outcome, and in the end he even disowned everything he ever believed in. in comparison, zeke's euthanasia plan was some genius level shit that would have achieved the same result as eren, except with not nearly as much bloodshed.

the parasite. again, great idea, poor execution. what on earth happened to it? it was the Scientific Shit that made titans happen one moment, and then gone in the next, wrestled to death by a buff war criminal with ptsd... my disappointment is over the roof

eren himself. like, as a whole. oh, what's not to regret about the 180 eren did in the finale? witnessing a mc forsaking every relevant trait that's ever made him who he is, is simply painful on the eyes. isayama basically went and said “remember eren yaeger aka the suicidal blockhead who would sacrifice everything in order to achieve freedom? yes? well forget about him, you've got aaron yogurt now.” …... who even is this man? when he broke down and cried in front of armin, whining like a baby that he wanted mikasa to never move on from him, i legit got second-hand embarassment. I felt actual shame for the way isayama handled his characterisation. like... he is a mass murderer, ok... how can he just... kneel down and cry about his step-sister whom he never did anything to date anyway like it's nothing??? armin is right to be pissed at him but he's pissed for the wrong reasons, sadly. I don't even want to tackle the topic of eren murdering his own mother, as he basically confessed to going through life on autopilot because the founding titan just erased all his feelings, gave him superior knowledge of all things and compelled him to go with the flow of things, aka the exact opposite of what he's been preaching ever since day 1. W HAT on earth man. like i said in point #1, eren's crush on mikasa is actually very frightening too, and it leads us back to that one dark force that overpowered even ymir fritz. eren is in love with a girl who's obsessed, in denial and damaged. and what's worse, mikasa reciprocates his feelings, even though eren always overlooked her or manipulated her. ymir fritz kept misunderstanding all those red flags from the king as love, probably. this is really not a story of breaking the cursed cycle, because it seems to me that everyone has returned full circle in the end.

CONCLUSION: nothing isayama or anyone might have said in interviews or elsewhere could have prepared me for this raging shitfest. the entirety of that last chapter was farfetched to say the least, everything looked half-hearted and rushed, clumsily glued together because the real isayama died and somebody else had to ghostwrite the ending for him. I am sorry if i do sound a bit disillusioned about the whole thing and can't bring myself to be outraged either, but i've been way too invested into this manga for nearly a decade, and now it all blew up in my face, so i guess i no longer give it the power to upset me lol

#sorry for the wait guys. it's not even that great lol i just had to get some things off my chest and then forget about it #i didn't even edit lol. snk doesn't deserve my efforts #snk spoilers #snk #aot spoilers #anti aot #chapter 139 spoilers #aot #snk chapter 139

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madmadmilk · 3 years

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i really tried to like cherry but i just,,, couldn't lmao. tom's performance was pretty much the only thing that made this watchable for me (especially his scenes in the military section).

i think the russos tried to cover way too much in the movie, and it didn't feel like they were bringing anything particularly fresh to the table. i noticed that in interviews i kept hearing people say it was about the opioid epidemic, but imo they didn't really have anything new to say about it?¿

i think it would have been more effective as a limited series, they would have been able to really flesh out some of the themes in the movie better.

as good as tom and ciara were in the movie it's still kinda hard to not see the two of them as teenagers (for me at least). even the aging makeup in the last shot of the movie did not help.

lol i am currently grappling with that as well 😰

100000%, tom and ciara did heartbreakingly wonderfully. and i think that the side-characters/actors posed a lot of “oh, shit” moments and grounded us. (his ‘friends’, the bank tellers, the man who asked emily if she needed help, emily’s mom, etc.) i have no question about their ability to portray the bleak situation.

> yeah a lot of the things that i’ve seen the tom and the russos talk about seem to have been from their research? i don’t necessarily see it reflected in the film. i know they tried to portray him as someone who could be ANYONE, and i came in knowing that sense, but i didn’t necessarily feel it. tom made this character an individual, and i wish that they pushed it that way. especially since we didn’t really see other people like him struggling (through his eyes).

and YES. i think this would have made a great limited series. even if it were just 3 episodes–– they’d have a lot of room for all those themes, as well as the humor they wanted so bad!! think of all those ending stingers they could have used......

lol tbh, i love love loved that they were college students in the beginning lol. i could perfectly see them as impressionable, young, reckless 20 year olds lol. they make bad decisions, and it makes sense. lol the ending tho...... can they just.... give him a more sparse mustache lol. like, let’s be real guys hahahah

#cherry #cherry spoilers #spoilers #spoiler #madwatch #Anonymous

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tremendousdetectivetheorist · 3 years

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📂Colditz 1972 - And also the question: I never watched the show. But I heard about it and since Ted and Tony are in it, it simply must be good. Can you give me more reasons to love this show?

It is a good show! Ted is only in the first season and Tony is only in the second season, so you'll probably want to watch it all! 🍿🍿

Headcanon: After Pat Grant (Ted Hardwicke) escapes he grows a moustache. :))) He's based on a real-life person so I'm not sure if that's true or not, but I like it for Ted's portrayal of Pat because he always looks better with a 'stache imo.

this got long lol so I'm making a cut here

There are so many shipping headcanons, but a major one for me is that Tim Downing (Richard Heffer) and Dick Player (Christopher Neame) both like George (Paul Chapman, whom you might recognize from Granada's "The Crooked Man"), but who wouldn't? He's sorta shy and has a quirky smile and I think he's the artist of the bunch, though I'm not 100% sure I remember that correctly since I haven't watched it in over a year!

As for reasons to watch Colditz, it has a lot of good actors and you'll probably recognize some of them from other things, including Raffles, Granada Holmes, and Jeeves and Wooster. I looked up the filmography of some of the actors I liked and found I'd already seen some of the things! Jack Hedley, for one, was my fave and he was in a movie with Jeremy Brett.

And there really is a character named Dick Player and it's so very fun to make jokes about his name and send pics of him to friends unsolicited :D

If it seems like it would be a bleak show to watch, it kind of is because it's about prisoners of war. Yet they make it entertaining as it's all about their attempted (and sometimes successful!) escapes. I'm always rooting for the guys and their plans. It's about comradeship and working together. There are some VERY tense moments but iirc our main guys all survive.

I've read an interview with Ted in which he talked about his career and the part that stood out to me about Colditz is that he found it challenging in that set to lean against a wall so many different ways XD It has a feeling of a televised theatre play.

It's also tv from another time, and I wonder if Colditz could even be remade today and have as much nuance in the characters as it did then. Some of the people who lived that story were still alive when the series was made, and now there are fewer people on the earth who were in WWII or even old enough to remember it.

Tony played a very decorated n*zi soldier and nowadays such a character would prob be just a 2-dimensional bad guy we'd all have to hate. Tony seemed to understand the meaning of playing the role as he did, that there will always be "bad guys" in the story and he made an interesting "bad guy" whose character development is fun to watch. I actually looked forward to his scenes, as wicked as he was? (Like Villanelle in Killing Eve....I didn't think it was possible to enjoy an assassin character so much. lol. That is the only modern parallel I can draw, but the more I think of it they have some similarities. :D Only..Major Mohn is a loyal n*zi and for that he should be in prison until he dies. X)

#i may have rambled *too much*#haven't talked about colditz in a while #colditz 1972 #asks #thank you

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hunnyuwu · 4 years

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Soulmates? || NCT Taeyong

Premise : Maybe, just maybe, Fate never wanted us to be.

Pairing : Taeyong x Reader

Genre : angst, fluffy in the beginning

WC : 1.4 K

Warnings : mostly angsty, mentions of alcohol, implied anxiety, confronting one’s inner demons, confusing af lol

Author’s note : hope y’all get where I went with this 👁👄👁 (had to go question what was going on in my brain)

⌫ ⌫ ⌫

“Taeyong.”

“Yes, Y/N?”

“Do you… do you ever think about what other people are going through? Like, what is happening to her right now?”

Taeyong shifted his head to look at a woman who looked to be in her mid-twenties, hastily typing away at her phone screen with a little smile tugging the corners of her coral-tinted lips upward. He watched her for a little while, observing the way she giggled quietly to herself after receiving a text. After one more ping, the small, quiet smile deepened into a cute, gummy grin, promptly brushing her long bangs behind the shell of her ear with the tips of her fingers. He felt a soothing warmth wash over him as he continued to watch her little actions.

“Like, is she texting a boy she just met, knowing in her heart that he’s the one? Is she texting her best friend an extremely funny meme right now? Did she just find out that she passed the interview to get out of her shitty job as a lowly office lady, and she’s telling her husband about the big news? Or maybe, she just took a pregnancy test, and she’s texting her friend right now to discuss how she should reveal the results to her loving partner in life?”

You drawled out your inquiry as you too, observed the lady alongside Taeyong. You pulled lightly at the flimsy plastic piece connected to the end of your hoodie string, nibbling down at your chapped lips with curiosity. You felt your heart tug downward as you saw the woman’s lips draw further upward.

“I suppose so.” Taeyong answered softly, seemingly drawn towards her every movement as much as you were. You finally tore your eyes away from the subject of your deep, inner thoughts to peer at Taeyong��s side profile. And thankfully, he didn’t seem to notice for the time being.

You exhaled, tracing the smooth, but angular curves and lines of Taeyong’s ethereal face with your tired oculi. You have been blessed enough to see his face thousands of times in your bleak existence, but you never felt like it was enough to quench your undying thirst for the beauty that he truly was. Every time you allowed your orbs to grace his unearthly presence, the need to take a closer look had you reeling even further backwards than ever before.

Like all art museums politely ask of you,

You may look, but please refrain from engaging contact with the artwork.

And you were one to always follow their instructions.

“What do you think is happening to her right now, Yong?” The words slipped past your lips at the decibel of a ghost’s gentle kiss, surprising not only yourself, but your male companion as well. He redirected his head your way, a simple gesture that made your cheeks warm up with significant speed. You scooted back a little, only now realizing how close the two of you were at that moment.

Taeyong offered you a small smile, finding the situation pleasantly amusing, “Hmm, well. I personally think she’s texting a guy right now. He’s the sweet, funny guy that she has been looking for ever since she was a little girl. A guy that she will hopefully be able to bring to her parents after so many years of their endless nagging for the answer to the continuation of their family lineage.”

You nodded slowly, drawing your eyes down the length of your arm to your stretched hand that lay flat on the metal bench that you two occupied. Your head jerked harshly, ridding your mind of the thoughts that brewed upon noticing the millimeters of space that separated your fingertips from his.

“And what do you think is happening to her right now?” Taeyong countered, the softness of his voice soothing your heart like a nighttime lullaby.

“Hmm, what do I think?”

You lifted your chin, daring yourself to meet his eyes at a clean parallel. You swallowed the burning ache that rose within your throat as you maintained the intense eye contact, attempting to formulate your thoughts, which proved challenging.

“Well, I think that she found her soulmate.”

“Her soulmate?” Taeyong tilted his head cutely to the side, brows furrowing in thought. You bit down the smile that threatened to appear on your face.

“Yeah, whether the person be a potential lover, a withstanding friend, a familiar stranger, or even her everlasting enemy.”

“What do you mean?” Your companion naturally loosened his jaw, an action he did whenever he was deep-diving into the pool of thoughts that swirled within his brain.

“Exactly what I meant. No matter who that person is to her, they are a soulmate of some kind, I believe.”

Taeyong giggled, shaking his head, “You make absolutely no sense, but I guess in a weirdly twisted way, I think I get where you’re heading with this.”

“Glad you understand, my good sir.” You tilted your invisible top hat his way, enticing a fat eye roll from him.

“You’re crazy.”

“Crazy for you.”

“And a flirt.”

Your grin faltered fractionally, “Yeah, I am what I am. What ya gonna do about it?”

You jabbed your elbow into his general direction playfully, playing it off like the champ you were.

“Speaking of soulmates, though.”

Your heart dropped down to the very depths of your gut, testing out the acidic pool of stomach acid with a cute, teasing nature. You urged him onward, nodding along to the little bubu pout that plumped up his otherwise sharp cheeks.

“Do you consider me your soulmate?”

The air you inhaled hitched at the back of your throat. You couldn’t decipher whether you just swallowed a chicken bone whole or got a sucker punch to the gullet, but it didn’t matter anyways, because you were losing brain cells every passing second you refrained from properly breathing.

You blinked innocently, your pulse quickening with an accelerated velocity.

‘Do you consider me your soulmate?’

These six words bounced within your mind like the DVD paused screen logo. Is there a correct answer to this?

Of course there is, Y/N. Everyone has a soulmate, even the likes of you.

“Hmm, I don’t personally believe in soulmates.”

“B-But didn’t you just-”

“The concept of soulmates implies that someone out there is meant to be the missing piece to the incomplete puzzle that you are. The mere idea that someone was fatefully paired for you… For my life, I want to decide my own fate.”

You pondered your gaze downward, allowing your heart to swell with love for the man beside you.

“Why should I let Fate have that decision, that satisfaction, when I currently feel so empty inside?”

~~~

You could tell him that his fiancé was constantly out drinking and partying with other men whenever he was with you.

You could tell him that his fiancé constantly talks about how annoying he was when he got clingy at nighttime.

Hell, you could tell him that his fiancé looks a second too long at your friend Jaehyun whenever your little gang hangs out.

So why didn’t you tell him everything?

Why didn’t you foil the quandary that sat on your lap like a neatly wrapped package, ready to be sent at a moment's notice?

Well, Fate has a twisted way of leading your judgement and actions.

We dictate our decisions... our choices.

But do you really, Y/N?

You didn’t know the answer to that question, honestly, but what you did know for sure was that Fate played a very cruel, sick game with you, enjoying the way you longed for something, someone, that was just never fated to be yours, no matter what decisions and actions you enacted upon.

Because Fate isn’t something you decide. Fate decides your path, and you were just a chess pawn in its sick game.

Taeyong wasn’t fated to be your lover...

And now matter how many times you attempt to overcome the sickening game that Fate plays on you, you could never come out victorious. Fate wouldn’t allow you to.

You let the chilling void within you consume your soul as you watched Taeyong and his fiance snuggle on the couch at the party you were currently at. You felt like you could vomit at a moment’s notice, but there was nothing left to expel. You found your last moment’s comfort in the raging neon lights that lit the house in a crude rainbow distortion. You downed whatever liquid was in your red cup, allowing it to keep you company like an old, kind friend.

“Y/N?”

You looked up from your moral plight, allowing yourself to shed one last tear. You shook your head, your facial features contorting into the physical embodiment of eternal agony.

“Why?” You hissed, not bothering to say anything more.

Fate looked you dead in the eyes; its sweet, alluring smile not fooling you this time around.

But Fate doesn’t need to fool you, because you were only a foolish chess pawn fighting for freedom of choice, the freedom to create one’s own destiny.

“Would you like to test the simulation of Fate once again, Y/N?”

⌫ ⌫ ⌫

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the-nerdnextdoor · 3 years

Text

first line game

rules: list the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). see if there are any patterns, and choose your favorite opening line! tag 10 of your favorite authors! (omg I only know like two authors that I follow on here so @seasidewriter1-writes you are my one and only tag lmao hi)

@songbvrd this is the first time I've ever been tagged in something like this and it honestly made me so happy (may or may not have teared up) that u thought of me, I'm so touched thank you!!!

I have 11 stories spanning from this year all the way back to 2013 and some of them I just... I was young, okay? and not very good at the writing shtick (not that I'm much better now, but hey). I'll turn it around by adding lines from future WIPs I've got lurking in my Google Docs lol.

Beauty is in the Details - Sterek (Teen Wolf) - 8k - 02/2021

Stiles has never really been much of an art-lover, so to speak.

Deaton’s Dream Beans - Sterek (Teen Wolf) - 64k - 11/2020-02/2021

Derek Hale has a lot of time for Vernon Boyd.

Finding One-Shots - Peter Parker/OC (MCU) - 10k - 05/2020-ongoing

Mikaela hands the cash over the counter to the man, giving him a small smile before she takes the pizza boxes and squeezes down the line of waiting customers to exit the pizza joint.

Untethered - Jessica Jones/Tony Stark (MCU) - 66k - 05/2020-ongoing

She should really have every lightbulb in her small apartment switched on and glaring, since the darkness always seems to press in around her, hiding black eyes and soft-spoken words.

Finding Home - Peter Parker/OC (MCU) - 237k - 04/2018-05/2020

They had put a bag over her head when they’d jumped her.

Siblings, Secrets, and Suspicions - Jenko/OC (21 Jump Street) - 20k - 12/2014-02/2017

I managed to sweet-talk my way into getting let out of work three hours early tonight, just to make sure I’m around if my brother decides high school parties aren’t as cool as they’re made out to be on television.

Of Fragile Souls - Alex Summers/OC (X-Men) - 58k - 06/2014-01/2018

His coat of white should have meant that he was the embodiment of peace, of innocence and purity and everything good in this world, but he contradicted that in any and every way he could.

The Phoenix and The Riddler - Riddler/OC (DC) - 3k - 10/2013

“D’you know where Bruce Wayne is hiding out?” I asked Selina, scratching one of her many cats’ heads.

A Forgotten Enemy - One Ring POV (Lord of the Rings) - 1k - 08/2013

I have discovered that time passes excruciatingly slowly when you lie, forgotten by all who once feared you, on an unknown riverbed.

Emberling - Legolas/OC (Lord of the Rings) - 58k - 07/2013-hiatus

Stars, the eldest of all beings belonging to the world of Middle Earth, and any other world existing.

The Phoenix - Riddler/OC (DC) - 39k - 05/2013-08/2013

“Patient interview number one. Patient’s name is Kenna Fyrian.”

Okay now it’s time for future WIPs so I can change the subject from those ooold fics I am cringing over after glancing in their direction lmao.

An Unstoppable Force and an Immovable Object - Thiam (Teen Wolf) - TBD

I'm not the bad guy, he had told Stiles.

Untitled Fic - Derek/OC (Teen Wolf) - TBD (won’t be the first line, but it’s all I have)

Ava’s eyes squint with wary suspicion as she hops down from her truck, pebbles skittering under her sneakers when she hits the ground.

Untitled Fic - Poe/OC (Star Wars) - TBD (no idea if this will be the first line, but it’s all I have)

The world is a bleak grey, from the soil to the buildings to the sky.

Untitled Fic - Griffin/OC (Jumper) - TBD

“Motherfuck-” Danny splutters through the blood pouring into her mouth, arms pumping as her feet thunder down the corridor.

Untitled Fic - OC (Umbrella Academy) - TBD

When Eliana was young, Luther would always insist she stand somewhere near the fire extinguishers positioned strategically within each room of the colossal mansion.

Thunder and Lightning - Arthur Morgan/OC (Red Dead Redemption 2) - TBD

Josephine crouches behind a large stone, one knee pressing into the soil, the damp earth slowly soaking into the material of her pants.

Untitled Fic - Jack/OC (Supernatural) - TBD

Vivian slows the car to a stop and turns the engine off, exhaling shakily.

Untitled Fic - Edmund/OC (Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian) - TBD

Arianna leans her back against the foot of the bed, one knee bent to support her elbow, the other leg stretched lazily in front of her.

and that’s all the ones that have any drabbles written for them! any others are just like vague bullet points at the moment.

I think the only kind of patterns I was aware of, looking back at these fics, is that my older ones when I first started out were mostly written in first person, and then from Finding Home-onwards I switched to third person. for some reason the first person stuff makes me especially cringy now. there’s a decent mix of short and long sentences, some dialogue thrown in, some names introduced straight off the bat, but I kinda like that I’m not doing the same thing over and over.

as for picking a favourite, uft.. Untethered is one I'm quite proud of, and that chapter kind of wrote itself one day when I was feeling particularly down and needing to distract myself, so it means something to me. Finding Home is my longest fic to date and is one that I hold very close to my heart, despite there being parts that I wish I'd done differently and stuff. Untitled Jumper Fic is hopefully going to be quite a fun one, when I eventually get round to it; what I’ve characterised so far for Danny I really like, so I’m looking forward to that one. An Unstoppable Force and an Immovable Object is another one that I’m excited for and super eager to get started on, but I’m holding myself back so I can concentrate on Untethered. Oh and then the Untitled Teen Wolf Fic is another one I keep having waves of inspiration for and I keep just noting it down in bullet points or writing drabbles and then tearing my attention back to my actual WIP.

the end?

#I can't believe the nonsense I used to write #I'm cringing so hard #tl;dr there isn't really a pattern and I'm bad at picking favourites #but this was fun #and I feel like a real Tumblr fanfic writer lmao #teen wolf #marvel #mcu #xmen #jumper #star wars #rdr2 #lotr #oc #fanfiction #fun

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kittensjonsa · 4 years

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Otherwise, Engaged

A Jonsa Proposal AU with a slight deviation from the original.

Summary: Sansa chose ambition over her heart. Jon chooses his heart over everything else. Choices, choices. Tsk.

A 'let's kiss and make up' fluff chapter with an unexpected twist, after the tacky angst in the previous one (lol sorry, story just wrote itself that way). Rated PG. No smut yet, all good things come to those who wait!

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

Chapter 8

“This..just doesn't feel right.. I can't do that to you.”

The words replayed in her mind over and over. Maybe he was drunk. People do and say stupid things when they're drunk.

Yet, Jon had managed to make her feel worse than all the shit he had wrung her through the past three years put together. Something's wrong with me. It was disheartening, watching Jon recoil, so taken aback by the thought of them together. So repelled that he sobered right up.

The sting of tears made their rounds again. That idiot. The bastard. Stop crying. Jon was a coward, afraid of any accountability if something did go further than just a kiss. A vodka-laden kiss Sansa could still taste on her lips.

If I hate him, like I always have.. then why do I feel so miserable?

Truth of the matter was, it was a slice of heaven, being kissed so fiercely and touched.. like that. Sansa liked it, against her better judgement. What was she thinking? Jon was right, it could have gone badly and tossed them deeper in hot water. The situation was tough enough as it was and sex - as much as Sansa wanted it, or the idea of it, wasn't quite in the script like she had planned. Sex always complicates things, she read once in a women's magazine article. Throw in the boss and assistant cliché to the mix, Sansa can kiss goodbye to a career she had toiled for three vacation-less years.

Adding salt to the wound, it had already come at a great cost in the shape of a non-existent personal life. If it counted, Jon had been the only man she had ever been in a relationship with, her first and longest too, if she could call it that. Also, if a relationship meant spending hours and hours together reading manuscripts, taking notes and eating take outs in the office. It was pathetic. But it was the closest she could get to one. Meeting people? Hah. Love life? Sigh..nope.

Growing up, Sansa had always been a planner, and it was a good plan she had ever since she was twelve - study hard, get good grades, work in the city, write a book, meet someone and marry. All this, before thirty. Of course, real life stepped in and slapped her in the face in the form of a boss called Jon Snow who stomped on all over that plan when the truth stared her in the face - she had spent her entire first year of work attending to the whims of a madman. For a sad moment, Sansa would forever cringe to remember, her future looked bleak.

Though, never one to give up so easily, she trudged on, love and happiness aside, towards building her career. Besides, the opportunity for love and marriage rarely reared its head. Sansa could only blame herself for that; it had always been about family, studies and work for Sansa ever since she could remember. She kept consoling herself, how there were better opportunities out there and devoted her time and energy to finding them, staying positive and upbeat no matter what. Mormont & Sons Publishing was one of those bright opportunities, and Sansa was over the moon when she received the email for an interview.

She just had no idea what was in store for her. But Sansa often reminded herself how this was her ticket in, the launching pad for her future in writing. And every year, meant a step closer to that goal. Sansa learned all she could, observed everyone she met in the industry and played nice. It would be hers to reap one day. And how she vowed to never let it out of her grasp, how she would absolutely do all she can to get to where she wanted. One fine day.

Oh how the mighty have fallen.

“I don't think they'll be back so soon, Sans. You know how it is, whenever they go out fishing,” Robb's voice leapt within earshot.

“Huh.. oh, no.. I was just-”

“What.. doing yoga?” Robb teased as he joined her on the bench.

Sansa stuck out her tongue at him. Only Robb knew where to find her, at her favourite spot, a stone bench that had the whole Winterfell lake in view.

“You and Jon.. everything okay? Want to talk about it? ”

“Oh god. Please tell me you didn't hear us,” Sansa groaned, shooting a worried glance at her brother.

“No, I didn't but I did see how fast he got out of the house. With that look of his,” Robb said, as he tried his best to mimic Jon's broody countenance.

“I hate him.”

Robb chuckled. “No you don't. Well.. I mean you guys act a little funny but I wouldn't call it hate.”

“Yeah, right. And you would be the expert,” Sansa scoffed. Trust her big brother to dish out misplaced relationship advice.

“You, my dear sister, could never hate someone. If you do, it's only because on the flip side, you feel very strongly about it. Love and hate, takes a lot of feelings.”

Feelings. Sansa wanted to laugh. What feelings? He doesn't have any.

“Yeah, well, I hate him. He's just… arghhh.”

“Does he know you hate him?”

“Well, now he does.”

“Hmm. Seems one sided to me. I don't think he hates you back, sorry to say.”

All this after just a day of meeting Jon, was impossible to fathom.

“Yeah well.. he made it pretty clear he didn't want me. Or anything to do with me,” Sansa said, quietly.

Robb raised an eyebrow at her. “What? Did he say that?”

“Well not out loud. I just.. got the vibe, I guess. Maybe he thinks I'm gross.”

“Really, Sansa? What are you, twelve? He does not think that way. Come on. Three years with someone, I think it's more than just 'vibes'.”

“What, you and Lisa don't get vibes from each other?”

Robb shrugged. “Define vibes. I can tell exactly what she's thinking just by a look. Which by the way, aren't 'vibes'. That's being in a relationship and knowing your partner.”

Well, Jon doesn't care about that.

“Yeah.. it would take a hundred years for him to even care about how I feel, let alone know just by a single look.. so pardon me, if I don't have my hopes up.”

Robb glanced at her and rested his elbows on his lap. “Maybe you don't see it. Yet.”

“See what? I don't think Jon's that type though.”

“The sensitive type? Maybe. But from the way he looks at you, I don't know but I'd say he's trying at least.”

Sansa frowned at the statement. Maybe it's a guy thing. Solidarity and shit. Or maybe the advice wasn't be so misplaced after all. So, Sansa was willing to listen.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

Robb chuckled. For someone claiming to be a romantic, Sansa was clueless as they come.

“He looks at you like how Dad looks at Mom. I've seen it. Every time. And man, I hope that's how I look at Lisa, too. Hard to believe Jon doesn't care. Because, I think he does.. more than he lets on.”

The talk wasn't making any sense. What happened an hour ago was so different from what Robb claimed Jon was capable of, it was hard to believe.

“Look, I've heard a lot about him. Not so nice things and frankly, I was expecting some jerk showing up at our doorstep.. but he isn't one. Surprised me.”

“You clearly don't know him,” Sansa protested.

“True. But I know guys and he's just one of those big softies. With a hard outer shell, you know. Must be tough meeting our family, I get it,” Robb chuckled.

“Well, he didn't have a choice now did he?”

Now that the government is hot on our trail.

“No, but he did have a choice. I mean, he's a big shot editor right? Or something like that, what Dad told me. Why would he be here when he could be busy making it rain back in the city? Schmoozing with the big names and whoever's the It person of the month. But did he? No. He chose you over that, coming here to Northern country. And going fishing with Dad? Props to him. Being nice to Mom, even though we can all see how much she hates his guts? Wow. And for coming to Gramp's birthday too. If he's such an asshole like you claim he is, why make all this effort?”

Fiancé visa. It's all an act. That's why. Sansa wanted to scream, to tell Robb the actual truth. But it would ruin everything. Not to mention, implicating him as well. Best if no one knew at all.

“Listen, you always sit here when you're in a rut. Is it something so bad that you can't fix?” Robb finally asked the right question. Committing a felony. Bad enough?

“I would tell you but.. it's between me and Jon. We'll figure it out.”

Robb placed an arm around her and pulled her in for a hug as he rested his chin on her head. “Of course you will. You're Sansa freaking Stark. You always do.”

Sansa rested her head on her big brother's chest. It was warm and cozy and been a while since she had done so.

“I just wish some things were.. different.”

“We all wish for that, don't we? But this is all we've got and we just have to make the best of it, Sans. And I'm sure Jon will too. Life and lemons sort of thing. He's like this 'run-with-it' kind of guy. Which is all right. Reliable, I give him that. Besides, he doesn't seem the type.”

There it was again. The great Jon puzzle. Robb seemed to know a lot more about Jon that she thought she did.

“The type of what?”

Robb smiled at her, wondering if these two were actually a couple. “The type who doesn't take advantage. You know, so he doesn't screw up a good thing. Not many guys like that. And he'd better be if he's engaged to my sister.”

The thought hadn't crossed her mind. That, instead of thinking how she drove him away, perhaps it really was Jon trying to control himself. For once, the words 'respect' and 'Jon' were in the same sentence, as Sansa considered the alternative.

“Thanks.. Robb.” Sansa sighed as they both sat, looking out onto the lake listening quietly to the waves gently sloshing against the dock.

It was dusk when Sansa heard her brothers and father shuffle through the kitchen with the day's catch but Jon was nowhere to be seen. Avoiding, of course.

Sansa ignored the feeling and went on setting the table. It was going to be a great dinner with everyone she loved and maybe her last together before heading back to the city, the prospect of imprisonment looming heavily over her head. Whatever happens, she was going to enjoy the dinner, with or without Jon. He's on his own now.

“Hey everyone. Hi.. honey,” Sansa heard Jon greet the family and her, as soon as he made his entrance.

In usual Stark fashion, everyone, save for her mother, welcomed him back warmly, especially her father, who was now smiling ear to ear regaling the rest of how Jon helped to reel in a particularly large and stubborn trout and almost falling overboard in the process. Her father even sounded quite impressed by the whole thing. Sansa munched on her green beans quietly as Jon walked over and sat next to her.

“Sansa.. hey. I thought you'd be in your room-”

And what, wait for you? Boy, he's got a lot to learn in this house.

“Nope, was helping with dinner. You know, since it might be my last and all.. if we're going to jail.” mumbled Sansa, aiming her side eye at him with scorn.

Jon sighed and turned to his plate. It alarmed him realising how distressed he was, watching Sansa get visibly upset with him. I thought girls didn't like to pushed into that sort of thing. Jon knew nothing, absolutely zero of the female psyche.

It was unnerving and such a marked difference from the Sansa he was used to. But that was work, he had to remind himself. This.. this is not work. He'd be a fool to dismiss this as 'just work' and nothing else. It was a deal between them, he’d play his part and so would she. And in just one day, in spite of themselves, managed to turn it into something quite complicated.

Jon admitted he wasn't very skilled in the art of courtship and wooing, it had been years since he did any of it. But if it was one thing he knew about women, was that a great grand gesture would easily smoothen any rough patches in a relationship before being tended to carefully. Or so, he thought. At least he hoped that information was still relevant. And if there was still some semblance of a 'relationship' or whatever it was between them left to save.

Regardless, he'd take the risk. Don't all heroes do, take the risk and save the day because he believes in love. Love, he smiled. What an idea. Then again, if there was anything the weekend was close to showing him, was that, for the longest time since his parents passed, Jon felt something deep inside of him slowly stirring to life, a strange magnetic pull he couldn’t ignore. It was heavy yet light as the warmth began to settle gently on his chest.

So.. that's how it feels like.

Sansa kept to herself and mostly listened to everyone else's conversations over dinner. There was a lengthy discussion on Gramp's actual birthday party the following day and her family had decided on a list of party games for the guests to play. It was the big eight zero after all.

“Hey Sansa.. can we talk? Later after dinner?”

Sansa leaned back and sighed. If Robb was right, why was Jon taking such a long time to fix whatever it was that broke between them? As much as she wanted to share the faith Robb had in Jon, she just didn't see it. And it frustrated her to no end.

“What's there to talk about? You made it abundantly clear.”

“Well, I still haven't made my point yet but I think I know how. If only you'll let me. Please.”

Sansa was tired of thinking over and over about the 'point' Jon so desperately needed to make. She didn't care anymore and only gave a nonchalant shrug and returned to her plate, deliberately avoiding Jon's gaze.

Right.. okay then. For the first time, he felt invisible.

“Uhh.. everyone.. I.. I have an announcement to make,” Jon slowly stood up at the table, the family quietening down as they looked on. Sansa's jaw dropped. Shit. He's going to tell everyone. How dare he? Sansa's heart almost stopped a beat. Don't do it!

“As you know.. Sansa and I, we're here to meet the family because, well..we got engaged.”

Oh my god. Jon.. don’t do it please. But Sansa didn’t make a sound.

“And what a lovely weekend it has been and such great pleasure meeting you all.”

Oh. My. God.

“And I know it's such short notice but it wouldn't feel right if I didn't take the time to do this. Especially with her family around. And.. I hope you all don't mind because I have something to say.”

Sansa wanted to scream, mortified at the thought of her family finding out the truth. But the cry froze in her throat - the horror, the embarrassment, the thought of talking to them through a glass screen. No. No, I won't let it!

Sansa tried to breathe as normally as she could, one half of her was dangling on the edge of a full blown panic attack, while the other was stuck paralysed in a dining chair. She knew the panic attacks would come for her one day. And it did -what timing it was, on the day of her ruin in the hands of her sadist boss, before her own family. She couldn't watch nor listen and shut her eyes as she gave in, her body rigid with fear taking over almost completely. She absolutely refused to go through with it, she was guilty and there was no way she could face the angry and disappointed looks from her family, let alone the lectures. Sorry, Daddy.

That's it. We're done. Jon, you fucker!

But then.. everyone gasped. A giggle and an excited squeal had Sansa slowly opening her eyes. Her breathing was still ragged and Sansa knew she was minutes away from hyperventilating.

“Sansa?”

Sansa turned to a Jon kneeling before her and her entire family, holding up a shiny diamond and sapphire ring.

“Wha.. what?”

“I know you didn't plan for this but.. you deserve this. This is it. We're a team. You and I. I'm not going to let you go down for me, for this mess I’ve put you in. I won't let you.” Jon whispered quietly, his face softening, showing a different Jon than the one she knew.

“Will you...marry me?”

Sansa stared at the ring, in disbelief. Jon fidgeted nervously, seeing how quiet she was. Speechless. And the rapid blinking, worried him a little too. Sansa didn’t look too good as he noticed the beads of sweat rapidly dotting her forehead.

Sansa tried her best. She tried to breathe and calm herself down but nothing seemed to work. There was shouting in her head, alarms were blaring left and right. Is this a joke? Fuck! But there were no alarms - just her heart pounding so hard, Sansa couldn't hear anything else. The stares from her family waiting in silence only made it harder to breathe again. It wasn't supposed to be like this.. I’m going to prison...

Seconds passed like hours as everything around her moved in slow motion. Sansa felt her jaw slacken and her vision began to blur. The only word she could muster - was just one syllable long.

“Huh?”

Then, it all went black.

#jonsa #jon x sansa #jonsa fic #the proposal au #modern jonsa au #jonsa fluff #tw: panic attack

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justjimedits · 4 years

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Submission

https://sinenominea.tumblr.com/post/189614537414/scott-is-bitten-against-his-will-and-suddenly-his

https://sinenominea.tumblr.com/post/189617361289/another-attempt-to-get-me-to-shut-up ___________________________________________________ I kind of feel bad for sinenominea because they’re making such good points and PEW just ignores them in favor of what he keeps shouting for years because he’s unwilling to stop calling Sterek fans racists. And he will keep continuing calling out the entire fandom instead of admitting to the fact that not all of us agree with the fanfiction he’s getting his hands on. I’ll highlight some of the posts which stand out to me since many good points are already made. PEW: But fandom was fandom. Instead of focusing on the positive message of a character who maintained their autonomy in the front of overwhelming pressure from selfish and often hostile actors, who overcame a debilitating biological condition to keep doing the things he always wanted to do, who pursued love in the face of prejudice, and who decided to stand up for those who couldn’t find the strength to stand up for themselves, they scorned Scott. This right here shows how hard it is to try and discuss anything with the Antis. Because Pew here confuses reality with fiction, Pew here talks about Tyler P and not Scott. And many of us here in the fandom aren’t talking about what’s going on behind the scenes of the show. I for one have no clue what happened, I have watched interviews with Tyler H but I’m not familiar with negative stories nor do I want to focus on Hearsay real life. I want to focus on what’s going on in the show Teen Wolf. Not the actors. PEW: Instead, they worship a good-looking white man who manipulated and hurt everyone around him because he let his life be consumed by six-year old trauma. Would anyone really want Derek Hale’s life? Living in burned-down homes and dirty train stations and bleak monastic industrial apartments in some sort of deranged self-punishment? And when Derek finally decides to stop wallowing in his mistakes and take steps to heal, fandom suspected foul play and complained about his growth. Whoa, hold up. Is he seriously saying that Derek is supposed to be over a trauma most of us wouldn’t know how to handle without therapy and medication? After 6 years he should be okay with his ENTIRE family burned to death by a woman he thought he could trust because he was in love with her at sixteen when she was an adult? He’s supposed to be all normal and fine losing his home and having only his sister left, and then she gets killed off too? Not to mention the statutory rape and the sexual assault at the hands of Kate. He’s supposed to be without PTSD because it’s been 6 years? You just lost all my respect, PEW. Not that you had much to begin with. Here you go claiming that Scott is a teen boy going through many traumatizing events he’s attempting to handle and that he’s only a teenaged boy at 16 so he’s excused from everything but in the same breath you say that 16 year old Derek’s to blame for his family’s death and you call him deranged for badly handling everything at 22? I’m disgusted by you. Like….wow. PEW: Fandom loves to magnify Stiles’ problems and diminish Scott’s. Not all of Fandom does that. And you’re doing the same thing, you know. You’re diminishing all the characters you hate in favor for Scott. Brydeswhale: There’s a social tendency to downplay abuse and to defend the abuser, especially if the abuser is an attractive white guy, and the target is a woman and/or person of colour. I think that, combined with racism, could help explain a lot about fandom’s reaction to these things. How about the tendency of you guys to refuse to acknowledge Derek’s abuse? The fact he was tortured, assaulted. How the show completely ignored Kate licking his stomach as sexual assault? Or how all the characters not once blinked at what Jennifer did to him, or the fact they were all there when Derek was deaged and they KNEW Derek was only 16 when he met Kate so they all knew the wrongness of it. And nobody acknowledged it. Male rape victims get ignored, it’s commonly known. But sure, you all keep saying it’s racism, call us female haters (LOL I AM FEMALE) and keep at it with your hatred of a fandom you’re clearly not part of anymore if you’re so eager to make it personal to your fellow fans whose only crime is to not like Scott as much as you do.

#submission #Teen Wolf discussion #again under the cut isn't working thanks tumblr

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johnwatsonblog-co-uk · 5 years

Text

The Hounds of Baskerville

16th March

I've never been happier to see anyone than I was to see Henry Knight. Sherlock had been bored. And trust me, you don't want to be around him when he's bored. He's hyperactive, rude, arrogant and a real pain in the behind.

Yeah I know, same old Sherlock.

Henry, a normal-looking bloke in his late 20s, was clearly very anxious when he arrived at Baker Street. He told us about how, twenty years before, his dad had died. He told us how his Dad had been ripped apart by the Devil.

They'd been out for a walk on Dartmoor when they'd been attacked. Some kind of monster - big, black with red glowing eyes - had killed his father in front of him. Apparently it had taken place near the Government's Baskerville research facility. Sherlock worked out that something must have happened the previous night to make Henry suddenly ask for help that morning. Henry said that his therapist, Doctor Louise Mortimer, had suggested he revisit the location of the attack in order to put old ghosts to rest. Henry had done this and, to his horror, had discovered some footprints. Footprints that appeared to have been made by, what he called, a 'gigantic hound'. There'd been rumours that experiments on animals had been taking place at the Baskerville facility since WWII. And so, Sherlock took the case and off we went into deepest, darkest Devon.

Our first port of call was the local pub. There we found a guy who ran walks on the moors etc. He claimed to know a man from the MOD who'd once said he'd seen giant animals at a government research facility - rats as big as dogs and dogs as big as horses. It wasn't exactly irrefutable evidence but all signs did seem to be pointing at the Baskerville facility. Sherlock had some ID he'd appropriated so we were able to bluff our way in. Again, because of the Official Secrets Act, I can't talk too much about what I saw in there but, as well as seeing some of what they go up to, we met Doctor Jacqui Stapleton and the annoyingly-cheerful Doctor Bob Frankland. Stapleton, Sherlock realised, was the mother of a little girl who'd written to him recently (in regards to Kirsty’s comments).

We then went to see Henry at his home where he told us that something else had come back to him about the night his father died - two words: Liberty and In. Sherlock then announced his next move - we'd take Henry up to the moors that night and see if anything else attacked him. I'm not sure who was more worried about this, me or Henry.

Turns out we were both right to be worried. That night, I heard the hound. Well, I heard something. The place was so bleak and desolate but I was sure it wasn't my mind playing tricks on me. But it got worse - Sherlock and Henry saw it. Sherlock denied it at first, but back at the pub he finally admitted to me that he'd seen it. I've never seen him so shaken, so scared. He was actually terrified. We parted company and I went to interview Louise Mortimer, Henry's therapist. She was starting to open up to me when Frankland arrived, interrupting us. Things weren't going well.

The next morning, I met up with Sherlock and we discussed the previous evening. He admitted that as well as fear, the worst thing he'd felt was doubt. He'd never doubted himself before and he simply couldn't understand how he'd seen what he'd seen. Luckily, I'd already spotted a clue. A receipt for meat at the vegetarian hotel and restaurant we were staying at. When confronted, the owners admitted that they'd bought a dog to help cash in on the rising tourist trade but that they'd had it put down some time before. It certainly hadn't been what Sherlock had seen the previous night.

And therefore it certainly wasn't what I was about to see.

We returned to the base to talk to Doctor Stapleton. Before meeting up with her, though, Sherlock sent me off to look for any sign of this 'monster' , so i started in the main lab. And I was trapped when it came for me it. I could hear it... And then I saw it... I've been through some terrifying experiences in my life but that was one of the worst. Something that just seemed so unbelievable and so unstoppable... Those eyes...

And then Sherlock rescued me and revealed that I'd been drugged. I saw the hound because that's what I'd expected to see. Obviously, as a doctor, I've seen the effects of a number of different drugs but this... I hadn't just seen the hound. I'd heard it. I'd felt it getting closer. I'd felt the fear inside me...

We met up with Stapleton again and, in her lab, Sherlock examined some sugar from Henry's house. He'd noticed that both and he and Henry took sugar in their coffee which would explain why they'd seen the hound the previous night and I hadn't. It also explained why Sherlock had made me coffee that morning and put sugar in it. He'd used me as an experiment. One day, I will kill him.

There was one thing that had bothered Sherlock from the start and that was Henry's use of the word 'hound'. It was an odd word, old-fashioned. He wondered whether it was another piece of his memory trying to break through and whether it was actually an acronym he'd seen. Using the facility's computers, we managed to discover the existence of an old scientific project, indeed known as H.O.U.N.D. The project had been to design and develop a weapon that could create fear in the enemy. It had been closed down when they'd realised that prolonged exposure had caused people to lose their sanity. And where had the project been developed? Liberty, Indiana. Liberty. In. Henry had been remembering things!

Then his therapist, Louise, called. Henry had lost it. He'd turned a gun on her and fled. She was all right but she was scared about what he might do to himself. We returned to the moors, to the place where Henry's dad had been killed and there he was. He was close to killing himself. His mind just couldn't cope with all the conflicting information - what he remembered, what he thought he remembered, everything. Sherlock knew that he'd started to remember that it had actually been a man who had killed his father and not a monster. Witnessing this as a kid, he'd tried to rationalise it into something different. He'd created the hound out of the various images he'd seen - the crazed man and the acronym which his father's murderer had been wearing on a sweatshirt. H.O.U.N.D.

And then we all saw the hound again. It was coming for us. I knew, I rationalised that it wasn't real, that I was just seeing things but it was there... Coming for us...

And so was the man behind it all. Doctor Frankland. He was wearing a gasmask which told Sherlock what he needed to know - the poison, the weapon that H.O.U.N.D. had created hadn't been in the sugar. It was in the fog! We were in a chemical minefield. As the hound prepared to attack, we shot it and we saw that it was just a dog. And then Sherlock did one of the most human things I think I've ever seen him do - he made Henry look at the dog's body. He didn't need to, he'd solved the case but it was as if he knew that the truly important thing was showing Henry what was real and what wasn't. Maybe the fear and doubt he'd felt, and maybe his experiences with Irene Adler, had humanised him?

Of course, he immediately started raving on in front of Henry about what a fantastic case it had been and I realised he hadn't changed that much.

And later, I realised something else. Sherlock had thought that the poison was in the sugar at first. He'd been convinced . Sherlock had made a mistake.

He is only human, after all.

9 comments

Henry was a "normal-looking bloke"? Really, John, you should become a professional author!

Sherlock Holmes 16 March 12:22

Sounds terrifying!!

Harry Watson 16 March 12:36

It sounds as if the dog's bark was worse than its bite!

Bill Murray 16 March 12:38

LOL!

Jacob Sowersby 16 March 12:40

It's certainly given me paws for thought.

Mike Stamford 16 March 13:32

LOL!

Jacob Sowersby 16 March 13:34

Stop now.

Sherlock Holmes 16 March 13:36

Surely this is just a shaggy dog story.

Bill Murray 16 March 13:47

John, fetch me my revolver.

Sherlock Holmes 16 March 13:50

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theundergrounddog · 6 years

Text

Kenny Omega at DDT (Part 1)

Kenny first went to over to Japan to wrestle for DDT in the summer of 2008. He was there for just over a month and it was on this tour that he met and wrestled Kota Ibushi for the first time.

In late 2007/early 2008 Kenny Omega was starting to break out into the American independents, having regained his passion for wrestling after a pretty bleak experience in WWE developmental. Now he was finally venturing out of Winnipeg again he had his sights set firmly back on Japan.

He made a video of him doing a DDT style match, the company saw it and wanted to bring him over. This is also when he cut this promo on Ibushi. (It is both cringey and totally adorable in classic Kenny Omega style.)

In interviews Kenny has mentioned that he came to Japan determined to give 100% effort. The way he saw it the tour was only a one off unless he could be so good that DDT would have to bring him over again. But although Kenny describes his ambition in quite aggressive terms; after going through the blogs of the DDT staff and fans of the period the overwhelming picture is of a promotion and its fan base falling head over heels in love with him.

The day before Kenny’s arrival, Sanshiro Takagi, the president of DDT wrote this on his blog:

“August 4 Kenny Omega who is participating in DDT from beer garden wrestling has pointed out a mistake about the previous report.

"You wrote my special skill was "Kamehameha", which is a mistake, that is "Hadouken " That isn’t right. I think that the rest is largely in line."

It is said that. We are sorry for your inconvenience, but we appreciate your patience as we will revise your recognition.

hm….

Is it not the same thing as the Dragon Ball strike? He is something like the American version of Ibushi.”

Reputation as a pedantic geek rightfully established, Kenny arrives on the 31st and Takagi, Kenny and Michael Nakazawa go to eat together. Check out that cute little ninja turtle shirt.

“Kenny Omega arrived Japan today and we had dinner together. I was worried how crazy he is but basically he’s okay except mentioning he wants to wrestle at Yoshinoya (beef bowl restaurant).

Anyway I was relieved and took some pictures for this blog but suddenly he was trying to throw Michael Nakazawa by German Suplex. I managed to stop it somehow but I understand why he’s claiming he’s off-ring champ.

Oh, but I think I shouldn’t have stopped it because it’s Michael Nakazawa (LOL)

Also he knew FU☆CK will have a show at DDT Dojo on 8/3, and asked me if he could see it. I really think he has so many things in common with Ibushi.

I’m so happy to have him this time!” (translation from m-drop)

The match with Ibushi was not actually Kenny’s first match in Japan. The beer garden shows started up on the 4th and Kenny had a tag match that first night teaming with Ken Ohka against a masked wrestler ‘HERO!’ and a second, time traveling HERO! (welcome to DDT). Kenny’s team loses but the audience is impressed with his athleticism and Takagi with his ability to adapt to the comedy match style. Kenny serves at the stalls among the rest of the DDT roster.

(source)

On the 6th of August, the 3rd night of the beer garden shows is when Kenny and Ibushi have their first match. It’s fantastic and you can watch it on DDT universe here. (Or other places online if you are willing to search a little.)

The Shin-Kiba 1st Ring where the match and all the beer garden matches were, holds about 290 people according to Wikipedia but apparently way more than that showed up to try and get in for Ibushi Produce Night. (One blogger estimates 600) So the place was packed.

The match is 2/3 falls with the extra stipulation that one of the falls must take place outside of the ring and one inside. This suited the whole ‘Kenny Omega - Canada’s king of the streets’ gimmick he was doing. (I think maybe purely for the benefit of DDT?) Apparently, he regretted this later as everyone who booked him of the back of this wanted him to do scary outside matches. You live and learn I guess.

They start inside the ring for a bit but soon go outside.

Both score an outside fall and then head back into the ring. The camera man loses them in the crowd halfway through and has to scramble back through the food stalls to reach them again.

More facts about this match:

-This was Kota’s actually the second match of the night. He fought Gota Ihashi – (this is the same guy he tries to propose to in that crossdressing date skit.) in a boxing-type match earlier.

-While Kenny and Kota were fighting outside, Nakazawa and Dino went into the ring and performed a strip tease for the people who hadn’t bothered to leave their seats. (Again: Welcome to DDT)

(source)

- In 2017 Kenny ranked jumping off the bleachers through Ibushi as one of the 3 most painful bumps of his career. (The other two were from his second match with Ibushi in 2012)

Ouch.

Back in the ring Kota wins; beginning his streak over Kenny which remains unbroken to this day. Kenny lays on the mat beaten.

Kota gets up and calls for the mic. He thanks everyone and motions to the guys to help Kenny stand.

Kenny is holding it together up until this point. But then Ibushi claps and says thank you and the crowd starts chanting for him and the poor guy is so overwhelmed he just starts full on crying.

Kota cuts a promo to the crowd along the lines of: “Thank you very much for today. I feel a bad because I hit my head, so I will finish. The end.” Both of them start staggering out. Kenny crumples on the way out of the ring still crying. Kota hugs him again and then leans on him to stand up. He’s kind of wowed by the strength of Kenny’s emotional reaction I think.

He hugs and pats him some more and eventually they make it out of the ring. Kota goes through the curtain and Kenny follows, after a final applause from the crowd.

The DDT fans love the match and they love Kenny omega.

Post-match comments from http://www.m-drop.com/archives/228

Sanshiro Takagi: “It was the most craziest match I’ve ever seen. Every move in and out of the ring was totally amazing. Although Kenny lost the match, I believe he gets lots of applause and attention from Japanese fans in just one night. I was so thrilled to watch the match. I will wrestle against Kenny on Sunday with “Street fight-anywhere fall” match for my Extreme Championship as ex.King of out-of-the-ring match. I promise to retain the belt. Everybody, get ready!”

Kota Ibushi: “Kenny Omega is an AWESOME wrestler! Power, speed, craziness, intelligence – everything is perfect. He is really a nice guy! He is the real Pro-wrestler. I couldn’t keep up with him during the match actually. Also I felt something common between us. It’s like “Yes! That’s it!!” He was great not only out of the ring but in the ring. I lost my memory after Michinoku Driver and then I noticed I was in the ring – now I’m pretty sure Michinoku Driver on the road is very dangerous! Also I noticed fans were crazy as well. I’m so glad Pres. Takagi told me it was legendary match. I love Kenny Omega! He’s great!”

Kenny Omega: “To be honest with you, I was a little bit nervous before the match as this is the one against Kota Ibushi. But I am so glad that we had a great match tonight. Ibushi is an awesome wrestler as I thought. And I feel we understood each other from the bottom of our heart after this great match and we are now best friends. I want to team up with him and wrestle together!”

#Kenny Omega #kota ibushi #golden lovers #ddt #dramatic dream team #hopefully everything is sourced #i'm gonna do a part 2 about the rest of his 2008 tour #it will probably be a while though #i love kenny omega #he's great #golden lovers research tag

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dillydedalus · 5 years

Text

what i read in july

THAT’S MORE LIKE IT aka i’m finally out of the (relative) reading slump for good & my bro james joyce was there

men explain things to me, rebecca solnit the original mansplaining essay is great, and still scarily relevant; the others in this collection (most on feminist issues) are also quite good; some aspects are a bit dated & problematic so be aware of that. 2.5/5

erschlagt die armen!, shumona sinha (tr. from french, not available in english) short but very impactful novella about a young french woman, originally from india, who works as an interpreter in the asylum system and becomes more & more broken by this system of inhumane bureaucracy and suffering, until she snaps and hits a migrant over the head with a wine bottle. full of alienation and misery and beautiful but disturbing language - the title translates to ‘beat the poor to death’ so like. yeah. 3.5/5

fire & blood: a history of the targaryen family I, george r r martin look, it’s a 700-page-long fake history book about a fictional ruling dynasty in a fictional world, and i’m just That Obsessed & Desperate about asoiaf (and i don’t even care about the targs That Much). anyway, now i know more about the targs than any ruling family from, you know, real history, which is like, whatever. this is pretty enjoyable if you are That Obsessed, although i will say that some bits are much better than others (there are some dry dull years even in everyone’s fav overly dramatic dragon-riding incest-loving family) and the misogyny really is. a lot. too much. way too much. BUT i did really like Good Best Queen Alysanne (her husband king joe harris is alright too i guess) and i found my new westerosi otp, cregan stark/aly blackwood, who both have Big Dick Energy off the fucking charts. 3.5/5 (+0.5 points for cregan and aly’s combined BDE)

the old drift, namwali serpell hugely ambitious sprawling postcolonial nation-building novel about zambia, told thru three generations of three families, as well as a chorus of mosquitoes (consistently the best & smartest parts). there is A LOT going on, in terms of characters, of plot points, of references to history (the zambian space programme) and literature (finally my knowledge of heart of darkness paid off) and thematically, and honestly it was a bit too much, a bit too tangled & fragmented & drifty, and in the end i probably admire this book more than i liked it, but serpell’s writing is incredibly smart and funny and full of electrical sparks 3.5/5

a severed head, iris murdoch the original love dodecahedron (not that i counted). iris murdoch is fucking WILD and i love her for it. this is a strange darkly funny little farce about some rich well-educated londoners and their bizarre & rather convoluted love lives. not as grandiosely wild as the sea the sea, but fun nevertheless. 3/5

midnight in chernobyl, adam higginbotham jumping on the hype bandwagon caused by the hbo series (very weird to call the current fascination with chernobyl a hype bandwagon but you know). interesting & well-written & accessible (tho the science is still totally beyond me) & gets you to care about the people involved. lots of human failure, lots of human greatness, set against the background of the almost eldritch threat of radioactivity (look up the elephant foot & see if you don’t get chills), and acute radiation syndrome which is THE MOST TERRIFYING THING ON EARTH . 3.5/5

normal people, sally rooney honestly this is incredibly engrossing & absorbing once you get used to how rooney completely ignores ‘show don’t tell’ (it works!), i pretty much read the whole thing in one slow workday (boss makes a dollar, i make a dime so i read books on my phone on company time, also i genuinely had nothing to do). i also think rooney is really good at precisely capturing the ~millenial experience in a way that feels very true, especially the transition from school to uni. BUT i really disliked the ending, the book never engages with the political themes it introduces (esp. class and gender) as deeply as it could and the bdsm stuff never really gets TIED UP LOL. so overall idk: 3.5/5

störfall: nachrichten eines tages, christa wolf quiet reflective undramatic little book narrated by a woman waiting to hear about the outcome of her brother’s brain surgery on the day of the catastrophe at chernobyl - throughout the day she puts down her thoughts about her brother and the events unfolding at chernobyl, as well as the double uncertainty she is trying to cope with. really interesting to read such an immediate reaction to chernobyl (the book came out less than a year after chernobyl). 2.5/5

the man in the high castle, philip k dick it was fine? quick & entertaining alternative history where the axis powers win the war, some interesting bits of worldbuilding (like the draining of the mediterranean which was apparently a real idea in the early 20th century?) but overall it’s just felt a bit disjointed & unsatisfying to me. 2.5/5

fugitive pieces, anne michaels very poetic & thoughtful novel about the holocaust, grief, remembrance & the difference between history and memory, intergenerational trauma, love, geology and the weather. i’m not sure how much this comes together as a novel, but it is absolutely beautifully written (the author is a poet as well) and very affective. 3.5/5

american innovations, rivka galchen short collection of bizarre & often funny short stories about neurotic women whose furniture flies away, or who grow an extra breast, or who are maybe too occupied with financial details. very vague & very precise at once, which seems to be the thing with these sort of collections. 3/5

fool’s assassin (fitz & the fool #1), robin hobb YAASS i’m back in the realm of the elderlings!!! i thought this was one of the weaker installments in the series - i still enjoyed it a lot, and Feelings were had, but it just doesn’t quite fit together pacing-wise & some of the characterisation struck me as off (can i get some nuance for shun & lant please?) and tbh fitz is at peak Selfcentred Dumbass Levels & it drove me up the fucking wall. molly, nettle & bee deserve better. still, completely HYPE for the rest of the trilogy. 3.5/5

JAMES JOYCE JULY

note: i decided not to read dubliners bc it’s my least fav of joyce’s major works & too bleak & repetitive for my mood right now AND while i planned not to reread finnegans wake bc……. it’s finnegans wake…. i kinda do want to read it now (but i also. really don’t.) so idk yet.

a portrait of the artist as a young man, james joyce y’all. i read this book at least once a year between the ages of 15 and 19, it’s beyond formative, it is burnt into my brain, and reading it now several years later it is still everything, soaring and searing (that searing clarity of truth, thanks burgess) and poetic and dirty, and stephen is baby, and a pretentious self-important little prick and i love him & i am him (or was him as only a pretentious self-important teenage girl reading joyce can be him - because this truly is a book that should be read in your late teens when you feel everything as intensely and world-endingly and severely as my boy stephen does and every new experience feels like the world changing). anyway i love this book & i love stephen dedalus, bird-like, hawk-like, knife-blade, aloof, alienated, severe and stern, a poet-priest-prophet if he could ever get over himself, baby baby baby. 5/5

exiles, james joyce well. there’s a reason joyce is known as a novelist. this is….. a failed experiment, maybe. a fairly boring play about an adulterous love-square and uh… love beyond morality and possession maybe??? about how much it would suck for joyce to return to ireland??? and tbh it’s not terribly interesting. 2/5

travesties, tom stoppard a wild funny irreverent & smart antic comedy inspired by the fact that during ww1, james joyce, lenin, and dadaist tristan tzara were all in neutral zurich, more or less simultaneously; they probably never met, but in this play they do, as dadaist poetry, socialist art critique, and a james joyce high on his own genius & in desperate need of some cash while writing ulysses, AND the importance of being earnest (joyce is putting on a production of it) all collide in the memories of henry carr, who played algernon & later sued joyce over money (tru facts). not my fav stoppard (that’s arcadia) but it’s funny & fizzy & smart & combines many many things that i love. 4/5

ulysses, james joyce look i’m not really going to tell y’all anything new about ulysses, but it really has everything, it’s warm & human(e) & cerebral & difficult & funny & sad & healing & i always get a lot out of it even tho there’s bits (a lot of them) i’ll never wrap my head around. ultimate affirmation of humanity or whatever. also stephen dedalus is baby. 5/5

dedalus, chris mccabe the fact that this book (sequel to ulysses about what stephen dedalus might have done the next day) exists and was published ON MY BIRTHDAY is proof that the universe loves me.

anyway this is very very good, very very clever, extremely good at stephen (less good at bloom but his parts are still good), engages w/ ulysses, portrait & hamlet (& others) very cleverly & does some cool meta and experimental shit. y’all it has stephen talking to a contemporary therapist about how he’s stuck in joyce’s text which is all about joyce & very little about whoever stephen is when he’s not joyce’s alter ego/affectionate but slightly amused look at younger self and ithaca is an interview w/ the author about how his relationship to his dad influenced his response to ulysses and I’M INTO IT. the oxen of the sun chapter replaces the whole ‘gestation of english prose’ w/ just slightly rewriting the first pages of about 10 novels published between ulysses and now & it does lolita w/ “bloom, thorn of stephen’s sleep, light in his eyes. his sire, his son’ and i lit. screamed. anyway i don’t want to give this 5 stars (yet) bc i think some of the experimental stuff ended up a bit gimmicky & didn’t add that much to the text but fuck. that’s my boy & i want to reread it right now. 4.5/5 ALSO it’s a crime no literary weirdo woman has written ‘a portrait of the artist’s sister’ about delia ‘dilly’ dedalus, shadow of stephen’s mind, quick far & daring, teaching herself french from a 3rd hand primer while her father drinks the nonexistent family fortune away and her older brother is getting drunk on a beach & starting fights w/ soldiers bc he’s a smartarse

#the books i read #long post

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gurguliare · 5 years

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DVD: that one scene from your fic about Dirhaval, with the elf lady and the two of them being really intent with each other over the fire. "Do you love me" et cetera. I hope that makes sense I'm on mobile.

omg IT DOES although since that fic barely has scene divisions I’m going to take this excuse to do… a lot of it.

“I have remembered something,” she added, inconsequentially. “My aunt’s husband was Guilin’s steward. Everyone in my family hated him because he always making up to us with stories about the great princes. He said that Gwindor and Finduilas fought much over the Adanedhel’s love for her.”

I… I love this OC. She’s not even a box of rocks, she’s like, a box with one rock in it. Selectively dense; elsewhere, airheaded.

Dírhaval considered the fish with great interest. He had been told triumph lent him a fierce expression. He had no wish to scare his friend off now.

I can’t remember if @crocordile and I had a conversation before or after I wrote this about Dirhavel being like, not necessarily a big but an energetic guy who’s frequently seen around the camps doing SUPER WEIRD athletic shit to see if some of the feats he attributes to Turin were physically possible—anyway, whatever the timing, that concept was what I was psychically tuned into when I wrote this description. He has a beard and it bristles despite his best efforts to keep it trimmed.

“Raised voices—he overheard—Gwindor said, ‘Why does he seek you out, and sit long with you, and come ever more glad away?’ And that was true, I remember; they sat together in all kinds of places, on the terraces, in the treasury, and even by the earthworks for the bridge. No doubt he told her much you would be glad to know. But as for me, I think Gwindor a fool; few men would have loved her for listening. It reminds them what they hold dear in themselves.”

It was really hard for me to strike what seemed like a reasonable balance between hearsay and direct observation, but I leaned on the idea that Nargothrond, though huge, was not like, “modern city space” huge, more “sprawling overdeveloped apartment complex and you need a permit to go above ground”—so in five years and with perfect memory, everyone has a decent chance of stumbling on everyone else’s attempts at fresh air.

“That’s true,” he said. The first time he had interviewed her, she had spoken for an hour about the cavern of assembly, like an egg on its side—but so vast!—and with stalactites Finrod himself had sung down into pillars, or was it that he had worn holes in the walls parting small caves, she couldn’t decide; and the window on the river, whence a grey light came, like a shadow thrown on the gliding light of a thousand lamps and torches.

I think this description of the great hall is kind of cute but I have to acknowledge it was influenced, consciously or subconsciously, by the great hall in the Rats of Nimh.

And now when she spoke it was matter-of-fact and with hardly a jibe at her uncle. She was Túrin to him in that moment with her straight-sloping neck, the flushed skin of her neck and jaw with her face as fair as fair could stay at sunset, the cupful of shadow under her chin. He had burned the roof of his mouth. The fish was tender, almost flavorless, flaking between his teeth like a cake of river-flesh; a little muddy, even, as all water here was. He ate the crisped-black skin for a whiff of charcoal, which coated his mouth. “Don’t you love me, your loyal hearer?”

She gave him a startled wink; and smiled, and smiled.

Okay, so yes. I do love this moment, I hope it does a lot of things at once; basically I want 1) Dirhavel to be ironic in a nice way about his elf friend attempting to invent the term “emotional labor,” which reflects both a male impatience with this attempt to generalize everything to men talking women’s ears off, but also some vague species-based edginess about him trying to construct this human story out of testimony from elves, and like, navigating elves’ possessiveness of Turin but also the way they patronize him in the same breath, Adanedhel. And at the same time having to confront the fact that people are people and the elf-human boundary has gotten increasingly blurry with the end times, however much he might want to retain a sense of lofty apartness, whether as a human among elves, a writer among subjects, a man among women, whatever—that tension between observer distance and involuntary empathy is another big theme of this fic. And 2) I want the cook to catch it but not quite get it—like, she knows he’s making fun of her but she doesn’t necessarily interpret it in the same way he does, what she gets is that he’s talking about the limits of different kinds of love, that you can love someone and it can still go just so far: that’s why it triggers her next thought about Finduilas –> Turin.

“I do not think Finduilas loved the Mormegil either. Or, that is, I believe they loved one another as sister and brother.”

I said this in my commentary on an otherwise VERY different LOGH fic but I love when characters are wrong. Every time. Also, I love childish oversimplifications that have good reason for existing—that is, I like when you can really see why a character would with all their heart want to believe x, because the alternative is both messy and depressing.

Trying to lick his fingers clean just spread around the soot. Among the things she had told Dírhaval was that she was an only child. But he was inclined to believe her, almost. To Finduilas Túrin should have been a child. She must have wanted to love him like a brother—it would have been best, by far clearer and finer, to love him as a brother, even when her death walked near. The death he handed her down to; but if they were kin, it would have been her right to love him, blaming him.

“Do you not agree?”

Dirhavel takes this basically as like, confirmation for his thesis that all real love is irrational and unconditional (see also Gwindor wanting Finduilas and Túrin to be happy at his own expense, a few lines down) but only familial love has the “excuse” to be so. So the distinction is not, “would I love him whatever he did to me,” but rather, “do I feel fucked up and guilty about that fact or not.” In a vague way, this is supposed to set up the extremely bleak lines he gives Nienor after she gets her memory back: twice beloved.

“I can’t say.” Up again to pace. She followed him, basket on her arm, and settled onto her haunches when she saw he had no journey in mind. He stood when he performed, which was not hard, but it made him more restless when alone.

See above remarks about Dirhavel’s acrobatics, and also maaybe his ADHD

“I think—by the time—no, Túrin did not love her, and as for Finduilas, well, surely she cared for Gwindor? If they argued. Let’s see. And Túrin pursued her at last and fell in a swoon on her grave, we know that. And he loved Gwindor; how not, when Gwindor was with him at Ivrin? But Gwindor—I suppose—Gwindor must have hated him. No. He must have hoped Túrin loved Finduilas, and that was why he couldn’t be persuaded of the truth. For he would have wanted her to be happy, in the end.”

“Oh, no!”

His mood tipped down at once. “Oh no,” he agreed, and took his sandals off and stepped into the stream.

Again, I just think this interaction is fun. I mean I like the placement of his realization about Gwindor, but I LOVE the cook being like “oh no!! that’s so sad!” I hope other people enjoy “stories about the process of idiotic sadstuck brainstorming” as much as I do.

His mother had said once that both he and his father were happier than other men, but that they had no ballast, to keep steady the craft. If he took on an ounce of grief he’d sink, and yet he felt the flood almost as freedom. It made him more the master than had his dry, feckless race, his high-riding. As long as he struggled he had yet to succumb; that was the rule for a wasted night. He ought to go beg a bowl of sour milk from Linnor, or go and sing a service for the king. He could see as far as a night of stars.

I wanted to communicate a particular kind of mood downturn here where you can still clearly remember being happy, and the rising tide of discontent isn’t overwhelming on its own, it’s just depressing because you know where it leads—but for the same reason it’s also a relief, in that you know where it leads. Whereas joy is weird and easy to get lost in and you never know when the plug will be pulled. But I’m not sure the boat metaphor really works.

But it was day, it was red evening. It was his companion’s grief, filling his mind from above. She crouched and watched the far bank huge-eyed, not a tear in evidence, eyes opened but sealed, as it seemed, against sadness that strove for entry, not escape; she sat with wide mouth cracked, nostrils flared, sucking in great absent sniffs of sea-wind. She was besieged as an afterthought, safe and calm except besieged.

I also wanted to include some telepathy! As always! Dirhaval I imagine to be something of a natural, who probably has had some experience with elf mind-speech at this point—enough to recognize it but not really to manage it. I like this description of the cook in pain, I think it works well with her established personality and also evokes Nargothrond itself, which is of course the thing she’s actually grieving for. I mean, and she identifies it with Gwindor, reasonably enough, and takes unhappy pride in him as a lord of Nargothrond, and in this moment is kind of shot through herself not just with the fact of his defeat but the like, honorable necessity of his defeat, knowing that on some level he accepted it.

(Gwindor surely wished Finduilas joy. Finduilas, dying, remembered Túrin, and told him where his quest should end. The feathered tops of the reeds glowed on dark stems, like a fire in a field of reeds—there before nightfall he planted for ever the standards of the Noldor and their unsheathed swords, kindling in the dawn.)

I’m so proud of this stupid line lol, it’s just the reverse of Tolkien’s—“The light of the drawing of the swords of the Noldor was like a fire in a field of reeds”—but I LOVE THAT LINE, it’s so perfect for Dirhaval as an author and Sirion as a place of memory/last battlefront/first battlefront for this long war. And its conclusion, still to come.

He washed his hands and greasy beard in the river. “Your fish will be cold,” he advised. He had abandoned hope of dinner until she brought it, but that was no reason to encourage bad habits in her.

Dumb friends. Dumb friends are great because they are attuned to the hazards of stupidity, and can help each other.

Then he had to pick some scales out of his teeth, and couldn’t elaborate, but he heard her uncover the basket, anyway.

He had met her before with a handful of salt, pressing a few grains to her mouth to check their purity. “Dírhaval,” she said wisely, mouth full. “Dírhaval, I have forgotten how to cook.” Meaning she had no spices, witched ovens, and trained assistants—maybe, with her, it really was as though she had forgotten; at least it was something else she had lost.

Yeah… the focus on memory in this is another unexpected link to the LOGH fic uh, an inevitable byproduct of writing about a historian, and it’s also supposed to reflect that loss of separation between elves and men, since so much of what distinguishes elves is… their wealth of resources, psychological and material. And the material resources are essential to and interwoven with the psychological resilience, as noted here, so I really wanted to capture that sense that *not having* all the wonderful things she used to have baffles her as much as a hole in her memory. Because the default is that you keep everything forever, right? Another feeling which is not unique to elves. God I love………………………… “people.”

#Anonymous #no one expects the fannish inquisition #silmarillion #dirhaval #thank you for asking! i remain really proud of this fic and thrilled to blather about it

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lovphobic · 2 years

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Hey I noticed you’re into reading (from your blog posts and you mentioning that you have a book blog) so I was wondering if you have any random recommendations? I’m currently trying to avoid high fantasy (dnd type and the like) cause I read it nonstop for two years…

(Also your header oh my god)

RIGHT. YES. I DO !!! disclaimer disclaimer ik my taste in books isnt for everyone but u knocked on my door im simply answering<3 ill put this under a readmore because i just know this will get long (spoiler alert. it did) but before i do know i love u for giving me an opportunity to talk about this

also, i know right !! i love the new thumbnail so much <3

these are in alphabetical order for convenience:)

STANDALONES:

Daisy Jones & The Six by Taylor Jenkens Reid - THIS BOOK!! I read it in a single sitting so needless to say it completely enthralled me. the format of the writing makes it SUPER easy to read too; its formatted like an interview so there arent really any paragraphs. The story, while an interview yes, follows this girl (the one Ms Daisy Jones) through her life and career as a lead singer for a fleetwood mac-esque band set in the 70s. When I picked this book up I thought man this does not seem like the kind of book Id be into but Ive heard a lot of good things so Ill give it a try (<- bad mindset ik). Nd I am SO GLAD I did because it's like my favorite book.. EVER now! What I said is the bare bones of what it is, because I am afraid if I get into more detail I will simply not stop. Category is for the book I think is coming of age + new adult!

Her Royal Highness by Rachel Hawkins - This book, is technically part of a duology. But it's a disconnected duology, meaning you dont have to read it in order to understand it. Plus I didn't really like the first one too much. PLUS plus this is a wlw story. Main character Millie is having a rough fuckin go of things ok. She has an on and off again gf and while on this gf cheats on her. This sucks but also it's not too important to the plot lol. Shes applied to a university in Scotland and she gets in! This is SO GOOD Plus it gets her away from The Ex. Getting there though, she finds out shes rooming with a literal princess of Scotland (thats. literally what the GR description says. I dont think theyre actually called princesses right?). Except Millie absolutely despises her + frankly she acts very stuck up and all the usual Im A Princess Kiss My Ass shit. But it definitely starts to turn into more due to forced proximity. I will say no more... just know the story is VERRRYYY enemies to lovers in a not-annoying booktok way and I adore it. Its a bi/lesbian wlw story that I think was portrayed really nicely (cue the mean bisexual and even meaner lesbian meme) and the category is contemporary young adult :)

Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel - OHHH SECOND FAVORITE BOOK ALERT. This may be a harder book to take in because it HEAVILY reflects the pandemic we're currently in, but the book takes place in the brief beginning of a pandemic, and most of the aftermath of it. Fictional variant of the swine flu, 99% mortality rate. I will admit if you do not have Shakespearian knowledge and/or knowledge on musical instruments, this might be a tough read but it is SO worth it. The book opens with the death of a renowned Shakespeare (and in general) actor, which is pretty bleak but stay with me. After he dies, the mc (at the time, Jeevan) is feeding us the plot set up, taking in all the new information about this flu thats about to rock their shit. After we get through that though, the book follows 3 people who had a connection to the actor from the beginning - the actor's first wife (Miranda), his oldest friend (Clark), and a young actress with the Traveling Symphony (Kirsten). The Symphony move from town to town 20 years post this pandemic that has left the world quite frankly apocalyptic. No zombies, just.. there are no stores theres no technology the only way to move is to walk or to find some wagons or old cars etc. Anyways they move from town to town performing Shakespeare plays for whoever is left. She, specifically, gets caught up in the crosshairs of this batshit insane 'prophet' who, believe it or not, is connected to the same actor from the beginning of the book. But I will say no more. Please read this. Or at the very least watch the hbo show, thats what im doing now. Category for the book is technically scifi, but the author wishes it was classed as theater fiction.

Survive the Night by Danielle Vega - I will admit, it has been like 6 years now since I have read this, so this will probably be a short description. But I remember absolutely loving this book when I first read it. A lot of people say this book (and the series, which I will also reluctantly mention) is quite cheesy. It might be, but I dont personally think so. oh my god professionalism drop the mc is named the same as my gf are you fuckin kidding lmfao. anyway Survive the Night (the event, not the book. also looking at it like this, now. Someone shouldve KNOWN lmao!!!) is an all-night underground rave in the New York City subway. Casey (god that feels weird) literally just got out of rehab and her friend was like :) I know what we can do for some fun. So they go to do this. And it Sucks! Its Deadly! Literally!. Something is down in these tunnels hunting them, and all the exits are blocked. In my memory, you never see the killer, you never find out if theyre human or not. So its very unseen-horror fear of the unknown. I remember it doesnt have a particularly happy ending though, I will say that. Category is young adult horror.

The Grownup by Gillian Flynn - This is a short story, technically not a book. But its worth the read! Very easy to do in an hour or two at 60ish pages! I will say, if you do read this, be prepared to briefly read about handjobs lmfao. I promise its plot relevant. The mc who I believe remains unnamed works at - I cant remember if the Shop is fraudulent or if only She is - a psychic shop. One morning, a woman comes in to make the mc's life hell, and of course the mc doesnt know this. So obviously she adds insult to injury by lying to this woman to give her life some drama. I cant say more without getting into the plot, but the story takes a Lot of turns. Category Id say is adult thriller.

The Inexplicable Logic of My Life by Benjamin Alire Sáenz - I remember when I was reading this, I specifically wondered to myself why this book wasn't talked about as much as The Other Books. You know the ones. I cant give much of a personal description of it because most of what I remember is the EMOTIONS. This book left an Emotional impact on my life and I think of it fondly. The GR description is short though - Sal used to know his place with his adoptive gay father, their loving Mexican American family, and his best friend, Samantha. But it’s senior year, and suddenly Sal is throwing punches, questioning everything, and realizing he no longer knows himself. If Sal’s not who he thought he was, who is he? - if I can remember right, I do think there is still lgbt rep in a side character. But please dont consider it just because I said that lmao Id hate myself. Read this if you need a cathartic cry and positive outlook on life. Categories are contemporary, coming of age young adult.

There's Someone Inside Your House by Stephanie Perkins - DO NOT WATCH THE MOVIE. IT SUCKS AND IT DOES NOT PORTRAY THE BOOK RIGHT AT ALL. anyways :) this was the first book to actually make me feel genuine fear, idc if anyone thinks its cheesy or bad. Because it made me feel that I will always recommend it as a good horror. The mc, Makani, has relocated due to a Dark and Terrible Past (spoiler: its not that bad lmfao i think that part of the story got overhyped). But at her new school, classmates are getting brutally slaughtered. Important and Deliberate word choice. Seemingly no connection between them, and the murders get more grotesque as the story progresses. I cant say more without getting into plot shit, sorry. Just know its so so good and I am completely unbiased /s. If you can handle horror do yourself a favor and read this at night. Category is young adult horror.

Wilder Girls by Rory Power - DO NOT trust anyone that says this is a sapphic book. There is one (1) kiss between two girls that is never expanded upon and never mentioned again. This is a horror novel. Its also the second book to make me Feel Something. This book made me So Uncomfortable and I think thats GOOD! The book is set on a remote island that houses an all girls school, except the girls at this school have some Fucked Up shit going on with them. Some are growing scales, some are growing new spines, its fucked up. This disease wasn't there from the start though. It's also infecting the wildlife around the school, which makes going outside the fence for any reason - let alone supplies (since theyre quarantined) - fucking awful. These girls know how to shoot. One day, the mc's best friend goes missing though, and oh boy do we learn some shit after that! Massive tw for Good descriptions of body horror. Category is young adult horror. Id probably also throw in a Liiiiittle bit of scifi personally.

SERIES: *I'll only talk about the first book, to save your time. Bolded titles are a Series series, Bolded and Italicised titles are a noncommittal series - you can read them out of order and itll still make sense.

A Good Girl's Guide To Murder by Holly Jackson - PRAISE BE... my favorite series to exist so far! This book follows Pip as she chooses to solve her small town's case closed murder as a senior capstone project. She plans to do this via a podcast type thing, not sure if its a podcast from the beginning. She doesnt believe that the one everyone thinks murdered this girl, IS the one who actually did it, and shes setting out to free this family from that shame, while also kinda validating their own grief. When she starts digging in to this though, bad shit starts happening, that's all ill say. Tw for animal death. Drugs get involved. I am not sure what else to say except this is a REALLY immersive story that keeps you thinking and the last book rocked my absolute shit. Category is young adult thriller.

Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins - I wont spend too much time talking about this one, because its popular (or at least it was) on tumblr. American girl goes to college (I think) in France, makes friends, falls in love with the school's heartthrob. You dont have to reach out, but if you want to you can + ill go a bit more in depth. MWAH. Very feel good fluffy romance. Same can be said for the whole series. Love it. Category is contemporary young adult.

Love and Gelato by Jenna Evans Welch - This is the book I shamefully remember the least about (my favorite is love and luck). Because of this, I am sorry to say but I am ripping the description from GR. Maybe we can buddy read it if you wanna 👀. Lina is spending the summer in Tuscany, but she isn’t in the mood for Italy’s famous sunshine and fairy-tale landscape. She’s only there because it was her mother’s dying wish that she get to know her father. But what kind of father isn’t around for sixteen years? All Lina wants to do is go back home. But then she is given a journal that her mom had kept when she lived in Italy. Suddenly Lina’s uncovering a magical world of secret romances, art, and hidden bakeries. A world that inspires her, along with the ever-so-charming Ren, to follow in her mother’s footsteps and unearth a secret that has been kept for far too long. It’s a secret that will change everything she knew about her mother, her father —and even herself. MAN even I dont remember the secret... buddy read fr??? Category is contemporary young adult.

Rosemarked by Livia Blackburne - I just recently read this duology, its low fantasy imo. The book starts off with the mc Zivah earning her rite as a high healer. She passes the test, and the same day a troop from the Empire comes in, infected with the rose plague. The rose plague is deadly, usually. With two outcomes: rosemarked and umbertouched. Coming out rosemarked is essentially a death sentence; you fight off the disease temporarily, but you can still infect people. The fever will come back to take your life. Umbertouched is the desired outcome; the marks stay but you cannot pass on or contract the disease again. The fever will not come back. Upon treating these soldiers, Zivah falls ill with the plague, and comes out rosemarked. Point A to point B she meets the li Dineas. Its a slowburn not enemies but not allies either to lovers. They invade the capitol, cannot remember why initially, but they end up Essentially starting a war. There is like no content for this book on here and its driving me up a wall. I so badly want someone to talk about this book with. Category is young adult fantasy.

Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo - Another.. semi popular one here on tumblr. So again I wont waste too much of your time with a description and just paste it from GR. Alina Starkov has never been good at anything. But when her regiment is attacked on the Fold and her best friend is brutally injured, Alina reveals a dormant power that saves his life—a power that could be the key to setting her war-ravaged country free. Wrenched from everything she knows, Alina is whisked away to the royal court to be trained as a member of the Grisha, the magical elite led by the mysterious Darkling. I wish I wish with all my heart the original trilogy was as popular as the six of crows duology. This is a series dear to me, and another low fantasy novel, category young adult fantasy.

The Merciless by Danielle Vega - Okay. I dont know you, but Im going to guess this might not be one you consider regardless of what I say LMAO. This is a book ive always described as textually gorey, uncomfortable but not Too uncomfortable. Has religious themes. This book is about an exorcism on an outcast of a girl and the consequences of it. I do not know how to begin to describe this without going off the deep end about it. This is a strange series to read, chronology wise. Theyre all connected yes, but the first two books should be read in the order they were released. The third book is a prequel so it can be read before the first two if you want, or after the fourth. The fourth is the most disconnected though, only callbacks via short memories. This is the worst selling point on a book ever Im so sorry. You like horror? You into religious themes? Exorcisms? Torture? Mean girls, literally? Possibly cheesy writing even though I dont personally think so? Perfect series for you :). Category young adult horror.

Lastly, To All The Boys I've Loved Before by Jenny Han - If you were on tumblr when this series had its boom, you'll know what this is about. Lara Jean Song Covey is a serial romantic, wrote letters shed never send to all of her crushes and stuffed them in a hatbox to forget about them. Until the letters actually do get sent one day. This leads to fake dating, a lot of drama, eventual Real dating, AH its so feelgood im going to die just thinking about it, another reread for me in the future. Definitely. Category contemporary young adult.

THAT DOES IT! Congrats if you made it to the end, hope I didnt smother you. Hope I gave you something you can use. I have a lot more to recommend but these are just the ones I hold very dear to my heart <3 lmk if you need anything else!!! love you!!!

#THIS WAS FUN. GAVE ME SOMETHING TO DO. LOVE U LOVE U LOVE U. HOPE U FIND SOMETHING. OR AT LEAST DONT CRINGE AT ME <33 #snail mail #book anon

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