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fxtalitygod · 11 months

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VII. ~Survival~

Summary: You were determined to survive longer than anyone, even if you were set to marry him.

Genre: Historical AU, angst, mature, suggestive, arranged-marriage

Warnings: Dark themes, theme/depictions of horror, swearing/language, suggestive, mentioned pedophilia, child molestation, attempted child sexual assault, mentions of adult murder, implications of impregnating, implied Stockholm Syndrome, images/depictions of dead bodies, slight misogynistic themes (if you squint).

Word Count: 2.8k

A/N: Soooooo... this is the shortest chapter I've ever written, but it wasn't my intention. To be honest, I kept becoming unhappy with the results and kept going back to fix it, but it never felt right. At the end of the day, I decided to touch into an uncovered territory of (Y/n) that I had debated on for a while and enjoyed the results. I promise the next chapter will be longer and will cover more bases! Enjoy Chapter 7 of Survival!!

P.S. I know I said I'd get this chapter out in May, but it's currently June 1st, 12:26pm (for me), so take it or leave it!!! (╥﹏╥)

JJK Mlist•Taglist Rules•

• Pt.I • Pt. II • Pt. III • Pt. IV • Pt. V • Pt. VI • Pt.VII • Pt. VIII

"Y/n, wait up!"

You turned to see your little sister running over to catch up to your quick pace, grabbing her hand as she extended it to you. The two of you were pushing through the crowd in the market, holding on to each other as if it were for dear life. You would rather be damned than lose any of your younger siblings upon your watch.

"We need to hurry! We have to be home before Mother starts dinner," you noted breathlessly, "She cannot even start if we do not get these ingredients to her on time," referring to the basket you were holding close to your form.

Your sister gave an obedient response as she focused on your swift gait. You could only smile at the young girl's compliance— had it been any of your other more youthful siblings, they may have given you replies of retaliation out of their immaturity, but she was a sweet child who clearly looked up to and admired you. Turning your attention back towards the road of the market square, you saw that you were close to the exit that would lead you on the path home, sighing in relief as you slightly sped up your stride; however, before the two of you could exit you felt a hand wrap around your arm, pulling you and your sister into a secluded area.

"Now, what do we have here?" A gruff voice sounded, "Two pretty little buds have stumbled upon my path."

The voice was clearly a male's, and he was undoubtedly intoxicated as his speech was slurred, plus his stride was far from straight as he walked closer towards you. He circled the two of you like a vulture over a carcass, his eyes narrow and intimidating as he looked at your youthful figures, disgustingly licking his lips. The predator eventually moved into the light, revealing his aged appearance. The man was clearly an older one, his rough, oily skin and few missing teeth being a telling sign of his seniority; if he was any younger than you had assumed, he did not age gracefully.

“I-I’m sorry, sir,” you started, unintentionally stuttering as you spoke, “b-but we have to be home before sunset,” you finished explaining, your voice slightly cracking as you spoke due to the fear swelling in your chest. Despite your own terror, you tried to keep your stance straight to give your sister peace of mind, pulling the little girl behind you to act as her human shield.

“No worries,” the stranger chuckled, before reaching around you and grabbing your sister by her forearm before pushing you onto the ground, holding your chest down with his foot, “I’ll make you both into proper women before then,” the man closed his statement, making his advance on your younger sibling first.

You struggled as you tried to push the man’s foot off your torso, but your attempts were futile. The sick individual only grew tired of your punching, moving, and scratching as he decided to kick you to the nearby wall. Your gaze followed his figure as you weakly got up, only to be pushed into the wall once more, feeling cuts and scratches being made upon your flesh. The male took hold of something at the corner of your eye, still keeping your sister in a tight grip as she struggled. In moments, your hands and legs were tied, and a solid heavy stone was placed upon your lap to keep you from getting up anytime soon.

“Y/N!” Your sister screamed with tears in her eyes as the predator began to touch and kiss her pure skin with his contaminated flesh.

Your mind paced watching the scene, bile rising to your throat as you grew repulsed. Before long, the disgusting creature decided to yank at her clothes— that was the moment you snapped.

“Wait, take me instead! I’ll let you do whatever you want to me!” You yelled in haste. The decision was made with little thought, but as long as your sister was safe, you could live with the disgust.

The man paused to think for a moment before a repulsive grin overtook his expression, quickly going to restrain your sibling before removing your bonds. The moment you were free was the moment you were infested by his greedy touches. If the contact of his fingers and lips didn’t make you want to gag, the feeling of his bulge between your thighs made you want to vomit.

You thought that by sacrificing yourself for your sister's safety, you would be able to tolerate his blatant violation, but you could only feel your resolve weaken as his lingering touches began making your skin burn, but not in a good way. Despite your discomfort, you continued to indulge in his horrific actions, deciding to let out your emotions with tears and balled fists. Things weren't any easier as you heard the choked sobs of your younger sibling as she watched the setting, feeling your dignity and pride being washed away. Everything was going as the man wanted– he was getting his fixture of pleasure while two young girls suffered. If his hard-on wasn't a signal of his enjoyment, his chuckles and wretched words were an unmistakable banner.

"You're such a pretty little thing, so obedient for me. Y'know, I think that deserves a reward," the aged man cackled, moving his hands to remove his garments, changing course to strip you as well.

"(Y/N)!!!" your sister screeched, loud enough for her voice to echo in the alley.

Before you could say any words of comfort for the little girl, the man turned around, obviously not pleased with her outburst. The man's nostrils flared as he raised a hand and hit the young girl. The audible smack did not settle with you, and you could feel a temper you had never felt before build up inside you. You do not remember what happened next, but everything went pitch black for a second, and when you opened your eyes...

All you saw was the body of the pedophile lying on the floor, unmoving and breathless.

You stared at the lifeless figure, not knowing what to say as the scarlet liquid began to pool in a puddle beneath his form. Lifting your crown, you looked around to maybe see who the culprit of killing the man was; however, the alley was empty– just you and your sister. Speaking of the sibling in question, you swiftly moved to retrieve the girl only to see that her restraints were already broken and that she was unconscious, yet breathing.

Questions began to fill your mind, but you pushed them aside, focusing on the current circumstances. You wasted no more time as you went to lift the little girl onto your back, picking up the basket of ingredients before making your trek home. Although one problem was resolved, there was still another pressing matter...what would you tell your parents? Unfortunately, you did not have much time to think up an answer to that as you were now at your front door, sliding the object to reveal the worried expressions of your parents.

The couple rambled, asking what had happened, questioning why the two of you were late and battered. The more they interrogated, the louder the ringing in your ears started to develop, effectively drowning out their uneasy voices. You didn't know what to say or what to do. Would it be a good idea to tell them the truth? What if they wouldn't believe you? Would you be punished? How would they even react?

"We were playing in the fields and had an accident, but we're alright now. (S/n) fell asleep on our way back, she really exerted herself."

The lie was sour in your mouth, but you thought it was the better route when you pictured the corpse lying on the dirt floor. How would you explain such a gruesome sight? The answer is you would not because there wasn't an explanation to give– you didn't even know what had happened.

The night went on as usual, your parents buying your story and continuing regular activity. When your sister had risen, she didn't remember a thing, only saying the last thing she recalled was shopping at the market. Your parents didn't think much of it as they gave her a simple reply before having her eat with the family. When you were presented with your plate, you could hardly stomach the sight of the food; however, you knew it would be rude to waste a precious meal, so you ate and shoved whatever bile threatening to scale your esophagus down.

After the meal, you were tasked with helping your mother clean the dishes. It was quiet between you both as you scrubbed the dishware and bowls, not yet feeling comfortable to voice words. Although you opted to stay muted, your mother did not make indications she would do the same.

"Thank you for taking care of your sister," the woman started, giving you a warm smile, "she really looks up to you, and I could not be prouder of that."

Her words broke you then and there as your eyes glossed over, feeling tears cascade down your face. Your mom stopped what she was doing and took hold of your face to have you look at her, "Whatever is the matter, dear?"

"But I didn't take care of her. She got hurt today because of my incompetence. How can I call myself a good sister after that?" You choked out between quiet sobs.

"Accidents happen, my dear," the parent soothed as she pulled you in, petting your hair to calm you, "The best thing you can do is learn from them."

You could only nod into your mother's bosom, not trusting your own voice at the time being. Maybe she was right– you just had to ensure the incident wouldn't repeat itself. You repeated that statement mentally as she held you, so why did you still feel guilty.

"After all, you took care of it, my dear," your mother sounded, "You killed that vile man."

Your eyes shot open, your breathing heavy, and your pulse uneven as you woke from your nightmare. It wasn't the first time that night terror had occurred, but you had to admit it had been a while since it had. Ever since birthing your children, the nightmares had been more consistent.

At first, they were an occasional occurrence, but as the months passed, once or twice a month turned into three to four times a week. Some lasted longer than others, and others were more frightening than some. Either way, your once dreamless nights began to fill with discomforting and restless evenings. Despite the abnormality of some of the dreams, you only deduced it as a result of stress. You kept yourself levelheaded on the outside, but within, you were drowning in your overwhelming thoughts.

Ever since your everlasting pact with Sukuna, things around the temple began to change significantly, at least for you. Perhaps someone with an ordinary eye would not notice these small changes, but you were focused on the finer details. Minimal adjustments such as staffing, specifically the addition of two new guards. It was not a large sum of security, definitely not an army, but for even one guard to join Sukuna's ranks was unusual. Your husband had not much need for any more manpower as he had plenty of that as it already was; however, the stranger part is that they seemed to be patrolling the areas where the mothers resided. This did not go unnoticed by anyone as rumors were already spreading, but everyone seemed to hold an opposite reaction from your own.

"Well, they definitely do not hurt my eyes.~"

"I heard from one of the kitchen maids that they're Sukuna's spies. Apparently, one of the moms here is being distasteful."

"Our dear husband protecting his prizes, how sweet.~"

"This was bound to happen since last year's inspections– truly disappointing how many failed progeny there were."

Meaningless jokes, endearing words, bustling rumors, but no mentions of concerns. You found this new detail far from good because the guards were not focused on the mothers nor the children but rather on the surroundings of the room they inhabited. Their eyes were cautious and were jumping from place to place, their forms tense, almost as if they were waiting for something to happen. Despite these prominent cues, everyone seemed to overlook it– you had heard a few women state that `Sukuna did not want them looking upon his prizes.`

"Y/n-sama, I've been requested to escort you to the gardens," a voice sounded; however, it was not your attendant but rather Uraume who had called out to you.

You had been seeing the individual more often than usual– what started off as passing glances and minimal greetings had turned into confrontational meetings and regular appearances; this happened to be one of those instances. It did not take you long to rise from your relaxed state, moving to take hold of your children before turning to Sukuna's right hand. Uraume did not say anything, only giving you a bow and a gesture to follow them to the gardens, where your attendant would most likely be waiting. Usually, the girl would be the one who greeted you on these mornings, but because of your recurring night terrors, you opted to have her take the time to focus on other tasks, telling her that you could wake yourself; however, when you first brought this conversation up, she hesitated on the idea. After some convincing, your attendant finally caved and gave you the mornings to yourself, but that did not last long.

It took around a week or two for Sukuna to figure out that you were spending most of your mornings alone, which your partner did not appreciate. Despite his detesting of the news, he did not lash out at anybody for it– the man seemed more apprehensive than infuriated. It took only a few days for Sukuna to appoint his direct helper to retrieve you. From then on, you were seen with Uraume for most of the morning before they left to perform their other duties.

You followed the individual down the corridor, glancing at the walls and what inhabited them. There wasn't much decorating the temple as Sukuna was not a sentimental man– he hardly kept his offerings unless they were of necessity. The walls were blank and lifeless, and viewing them could drive you insane if you focused on them.

"Y/n-sama, do you love Sukun-sama?"

Your breath hitched as you moved your gaze to look at the back of Uraume's head. There question left you speechless; however, it was not because you did not have an answer but rather their sudden interest that took you aback. The person did not vocalize their thoughts much, but you could always tell when they were thinking to themselves.

"Yes, he is my husband. Why would I not love him?" you quickly stated.

"You do not have to lie to me (Y/n)-sama."

You could not help but worry at Uraume's comment. Did they know your intentions? Were they going to remove your twins from your care? Had they already discussed this with Sukuna? How long did you have left?

"And where is your evidence of that, Uraume?" you managed to keep your voice leveled despite the anxiety creeping up on you, but you needed to keep your composure if you wanted to win this little tussle, being if you had to fight at all.

A chuckle resonated through the hall.

"You're right... I have no proof, only my own conspiracies. I admire your ability to hold that over me– your defensive side is a site to see. If I'm being honest, when you first came to the temple, I did not think much of you as I thought you were just another woman to bear Sukuna's kin; you proved me wrong (Y/n)-sama. I do not understand how you managed, but you have Sukuna-sama wrapped around your finger like I have never seen before," Uruame voiced, a lightness to their tone before continuing, "Perhaps it is for the best, after all, you are both seem satisfied with your current standing."

For the rest of the trip, you sustained the following stillness, only giving the individual a hum in response to their last comment. When the garden came into view, you internally sighed in relief, glad to rid yourself of this mind-wracking conversation. Too bad things couldn't stay that way.

"Y/n-sama, your village has started to retaliate against Sukuna's command. Truth be told, it has been going on for the past year; however, things have started to escalate— for the sake of your family unit, keep yourself on guard," The righthand warned, turning to leave you to your daily activities.

Just peachy, another occurrence to write down in your list of troubles.

You would not get proper rest in a while.

Taglist:

@littlemochi @mistalli @youngbeansprout @bbylime @bangtan-forever1479 @idktbhloley @izayas-rings @o3o-aya @pyschopotatomeme @persephonehemingway @otomaniac @meforpr3sident @alurafairy @nezuscribe @my-simp-land @zukuphilia @niya729 @spiritofstatic @bbittersw33t @kashasenpai @decaysan @honeybaegle @ygslvr @outrofenty

#jujutsu kaisen fanfiction #jjk fanfic #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #ryomen sukuna #sukuna fanfic #sukuna x reader #ryomen sukuna x reader #sukuna #tw stockholm syndrome #tw death mention #tw dead body #tw suggestive #tw pedophila mention #tw child molestation

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just-antithings · 4 months

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antis acting like loli and shota are just as bad as real life pedophilia make me so angry. i WISH my abuser had known loli existed, maybe then he wouldn't have felt the need to molest me if he had a different outlet.

#mod erin #ask #just anti things #posted without comment #loli mention #shota mention #abuse mention #csa mention #molestation mention #child molestation mention #pedophillia mention

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crookedkryptonitebeliever · 3 months

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Best and Worst of Both Worlds (part 33)

Tw: mentions of rape and molestation, Evangeline's insanity

Part 34

You sighed. Looking up at the white ceiling as the smell of antiseptic stings your nose.

Your landlord came by earlier to hand you your phone charger as per Yves's request. He avoided your eyes as he asked about your general wellbeing. Perhaps he felt guilty for letting one of his tenants go through such brutality. Or maybe Yves tore him another one for failing to protect you. Quite frankly, you do not know, neither do you care.

You gave him polite but short answers. You don't feel like talking to anyone now, not even Yves. It feels like the whole world is judging you and criticizing what you could have done.

He was nice, he even charged your phone for you. It's not like you could do it yourself, hooked on all kinds of antibiotic drips and wires. Not to mention, your leg cast.

You were wondering about Evangeline's hygiene, how did you get this infected from a couple of bites and scratches? Well. Whatever it was, you're glad shes just not here.

You did blame yourself for confronting her. Because if she didn't know that there was an issue between you and her, she wouldn't have paid you a visit.

But it was hard to say what her reaction would have been when Mr. Jones confronted her about the molestation in his car.

It felt like a courtroom with no jury in your head. You have a part of yourself prosecuting your being, while the other defending it. It's noisy and exhausting. You had no idea how to quieten it down.

You turned your head to the sound of your phone.

You reached towards it and checked what has set off the notification alerts. The cable is still attached to its charging port.

You received a voicemail from a number you didn't recognize.

"Sweetheart. It's me, Montgomery. I-I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I.." You heard him choke back tears. "That was fucking disgusting of her. It was so much worse than I first thought- I'm so fucking sorry I couldn't be there to protect ya', I shouldn't have trusted- I-I-"

You were confused at the sudden breakdown. He wasn't that distressed the last time you saw him, why is he crying as if he went through it instead?

You listen to him sob in anguish.

"...I couldn't get a hold of ya' through my old number. I had to get another one. Please call me back as soon as ya' can."

The message abruptly ended there.

You blocked this number too.

Frowning, did Yves tell him your business? That seems unlikely of him, you refused to believe that he would do such a thing. Then, who else did he...

The group chat with your housemates is blowing up.

Oh. The news got ahold of your story. Well that makes sense.

Even though you weren't identified, it was clear the news segment was about your horrific assault.

Some of your housemates were complaining that Yves told them not to speak with the media. And thankfully, they didn't.

There was very limited information given to the public as it seems like Yves is trying to control what others can know. The majority of the details were given by Evangeline herself. To your relief, she was held without bail.

From what you understood, she wasted her one call in jail to speak with news outlets. She didn't call her father, her mother or a lawyer. Evangeline admitted that she raped you in such a brutal matter, not leaving a single detail unsaid.

The article anonymized all the names she dropped, but you can guess she mentioned Montgomery and Yves at some point.

It was sickening, Evangeline told them that she's masturbating in jail to the thought of you. When asked what was her reasoning behind her atrocious acts, she replied that you were her greatest reward in life. She 'deserved' you for being your 'savior'. It was unclear what she meant.

They asked if she had any remorse for what she did. Evangeline went ahead and told them her only goal is to get out of prison just to fuck you day and night. You consumed her entire thought and you have to pay for it.

Evangeline claimed that she 'loves' you. You just didn't know what was good for you and it is her mission to fix that. She also hated you for throwing her away just like everyone else. Then again, she loved how you felt against her, so you were 'forgiven'.

You didn't get it. What was wrong with her? She seems so normal and fine, yet she's still trying to induce nightmares in you even when she's held in a cell.

You read on and saw that her parents refused to comment. However, it's mentioned that Evangeline was suspected to be too mentally unsound to stand trial. They have yet to evaluate her psychology, but judging on her unhinged reaction after all this, you think she is very likely to plead insanity and be sent to a mental facility instead of prison.

The University retracted her scholarship and expelled her. She must have thought that there was nothing left to lose, that is why she went all out in the impromptu interview.

You shuddered and stopped reading, not being able to stomach the mention of Evangeline anymore.

You wiped away tears from the hilt of your palm. Suddenly yearning for some company.

What a coincidence, Yves called you. Immediately, you picked it up.

"(name)..." His voice was soft and sympathetic.

You cried. You let everything out to Yves. It was hard to form a sentence, but you tried. It came out as incoherent garbles as you choked on your own tears. Nothing you said made sense to you, it did to Yves.

He listened. Letting his own droplets roll down his cheeks too. Yves knew there isn't anything he could say now to make you feel better. You heard it all before. The apologies, the assurances, the hatred towards your perpetrator... it became meaningless to you.

It's time for you to speak instead.

He knows you just wanted someone to be there for you.

And he will stay on the line as long as you need.

Yves's tears splashed onto his papers, creating ugly stains and smudging his blue ink around. Rendering some words as unreadable.

#yandere #yandere x reader #yandere oc #yandere male #yandere concept #oc yves #tw yandere #yandere x you #yandere oc x reader #male yandere oc x reader #oc montgomery #oc evangeline #tw rape mention #tw molestation

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revacholian-girl-utena · 11 months

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There are no stars. There is no light. There will be no future. (Requested by @thediscoelysiumlesbian )

Alt text: Screencaps from Revolutionary Girl Utena with overlaid text. 1: A closeup of Anthy's eyes, hair down and no glasses, staring down Utena in the moment she discovers Akio abusing Anthy. Text: "Oh, yes."

2: A closeup of Utena's eyes, wide with shock, from the same scene. Text: "This is real darkness."

3: A framed photo of Akio and Anthy, half in shadow as the window shades rise to reveal the room. Text: "Real darkness has love for a face."

4: Anthy's silhouette, hair flying wildly, pierced by many blades. Text: "The first death is in the heart." End alt text.

#revolutionary girl utena #disco elysium #anthy #utena #akio #requests #csa tw #this one i had to think on for a long time #the thing about that quote from dora is that she mentions csa as not being true darkness #meanwhile the central thesis of rgu #is that domestic abuse and especially csa is one of the most devastating examples #of darkness that wears love for a face #i remember bristling at that quote when i first read it honestly lmfao #bc i was like why would you bring csa into this?#but i suppose it goes along w dolores dei being a sort of symbol of moralism #treating death and war and child molestation as extreme abstract concepts #and not the same realities that literally define almost every detail and interaction and character in this game #anyway ty for this request it gave me lots of food for thought!

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yardsards · 9 months

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a tactic of abusive parents that i don't see brought up very often: convincing their victims that child protective services are evil and that foster parents would certainly be even more abusive than their current circumstances

#eliot posts #csa mention #abuse mention #im watching an interview with a cult survivor #and she was talking about how her parents told her that child services would hurt her and put her with abusive foster parents #and i was like HOLY SHIT MY MOTHER DID THAT TOO #my mother always told me that if i got put in foster care i would get beaten and molested #and that if we told anyone about our home life they would ''misunderstand'' and ''incorrectly assume'' we were being abused #and then we'd get taken away by uncaring cps workers and given to evil foster parents #when in reality there would be no ''misunderstandings''. what was going on at home WAS abuse #but until my teen years i was convinced i was lucky #because i only got beaten sometimes and i got access to food and a roof over my head and i never got molested #this is not to say the foster system is perfect. there definitely are flaws in the system and occasional bad incidents #but it's nothing like my mother made it out to be #in fact the main issue with child services in my area that i knew of was that they rarely did much #like a classmate i knew called cps on her dad and they showed up and talked to him and he said she was lying #and when they left he punished her by burning her with a cigarette butt #when we were kids a few times our mother called the cops on our dad cuz they got into a violent fight #she'd tell the cops he was abusing her (though the violence was mutual) but when they showed up she refused to press charges #and a few times the cops SAW me and my sister there and DID NOTHING #like maybe if you get called to this same house multiple times you should investigate what's happening to the kids???#child abuse #abuse #abuse tw #anyway i'm still not 100% sure if that was deliberate manipulation on her part or if it was part of her weird paranoia about everything #but nonetheless it ultimately had the same effect as deliberate manipulation #she refused to get help for her mental illness even though a doctor told her she needed to

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kaiasky · 1 month

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I really truly hate to ask but in your bio when it says map enjoyer the map part is not an acronym. is it??? or u mean the paper maps

ah. a normal map!

source. i think this is very pretty. this is a normal map. The idea is like. Suppose we want to have a 3d model of an old desk like this:

If we just throw that picture on a texture and hit render, we get something like this:

Which doesn't look particularly realistic! Notice how the light is staying in one place and all the highlights on the places where the pencil has dug into the wood don't move to catch the light. Our eyes automatically pick up a lot of detail about the texture of surfaces, and this doesn't look real.

in particular, the angle of the surface determines how much light is reflected at the camera. So we need a way to store the angle of every point on our surface! But it turns out we can use a neat coincidence; we see 3 primary colors and live in 3-dimensional space! To store the orientation of a surface, you can use the normal vector--the arrow perpendicular to the surface. (I like to imagine the object being covered in little tiny spikes sticking straight out at a right angle. We need a way to store those spikes.) Since we have 3 colors and 3 dimensions, we can encode the angle of the normal vector spikes as a color, where the red channel means the left-right angle, the green channel means the up-down angle, and the blue channel means the vertical angle sticking out at the viewer. So to go back to the old image:

The cyan bits to the left (some green, some blue, no red) are spikes pointing to the left. The red/pink bits to the right are spikes pointing to the right. The neutral blue-grey color in the middle is a spike sticking straight up.

There's lots of ways to make a normal map. You can paint them yourself, you can model a really complicated geometry and then calculate a normal map to apply to a much simpler geometry, or you can create it as the "derivative" of a heightmap (a greyscale image where white is high bumps and black is dips). There's even cool neural network things that try to infer the height/normal map from a picture or video!

Here's that normal map I stole applied to a totally flat grey square, with the light moving. Look how convincing the illusion of depth is!

Here's two grey cubes smashing into one another except one has a normal map applied.

So I think this is a really cool technique! But I also think that normal maps, the images themselves, are stunningly beautiful. That's why the background of my avatar is a normal map!

Shoutout to gif.ski for making those gifs. I'm not really sure why its quality is 10x what i get from imagemagick or ffmpeg but it sure as hell is.

#thanks for the ask!#cw pedophila mention #re 'MAP' in the ask though. to be serious for a second.#thoughts alone (even pedophilia) cannot be bad in the absence of harm done. CSEM/molestation/sex w/ minors is very bad.#we stop CSE not by demonization but through better research/treatment and primarily thru structural changes to society/organizations.#(if this puts me on your DNI you are welcome to unfollow.)

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computrangel99 · 1 year

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yesterday i brought up the fact that my older step sibling actually molested me and my mom decided to get argumentative about it n started crying.

yet she wonders why i don't open up to her anymore

#ned flander's very own blog #molestation mention #i thought you KNEW THIS already we've been over this SO MANY TIMES

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suzukiblu · 8 months

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Jason Todd for the fic bits?

Jason wants to fuck up every single thing about Gotham, which would be a lot easier if he weren't halfway into heat right now. Which–of fucking course he'd finally have his first fucking heat when he's meant to be starting a fucking gang war.

Like, of course that's his life.

Or death.

He'd really just assumed getting dunked in the pit or being dead or whatever other bullshit had just rotted out his reproductive organs. It's years too damn late for him to start having heats, for fuck’s sake. Hell, he was a late bloomer even before he died.

But he is, absolutely and undeniably, going into heat right now.

So . . . that's a problem, definitely.

Admittedly, said problem could've popped up when Ra's al Ghul was the nearest available alpha, so maybe he should just be fucking grateful to have dodged that particular nightmare-bullet and push his plans back a week.

Just–a clinic. He'll find a clinic. He'll find a clinic and lie about his name and check himself in and pretend this isn't his first fucking heat and he's not a useless virgin who barely even knows what to do for it and it doesn't matter that he doesn't have a pack to spend it with. Doesn't matter that Bruce won't be rumbling soothingly at him through things or that Alfred won't be making sure he stays fed and hydrated, that no one is going to be touching or holding him, that he won't–that no one's going to–

Jason thinks, with mortification and shame and absolute fury, about what he'd used to hope his first heat might be like, before he got beaten to death and burned back to life. He thinks about how badly he'd wanted it to be like that.

Before the ridiculous and semi-suicidal night that Jason had decided to jack the Batmobile's tires, he'd always known just how shitty his first heat was going to be. Back then he'd just figured he'd be lucky if nobody tried to sell it without his permission.

When he'd thought he'd had a real <i>pack</i>, though . . . when he'd thought that he'd really belonged to that pack . . .

He'd thought Bruce would be there to soothe him through it. He'd thought Alfred would be there to keep him comfortable.

He'd thought maybe, maybe Dick wouldn't be too mad at Bruce to be in Gotham that week, and might . . . and might . . .

Jason's gut burns, and he stops letting himself remember what he'd thought then. What he'd . . .

What he'd wanted, then.

Doesn't matter, he tells himself, quick and harsh and brutal. Doesn't matter. Never mattered. They didn't even really want him, in the end. Don't even care that he's gone anymore, if they ever did at all.

They replaced him.

They replaced him, and they didn't even kill the bastard who took him from them first.

Jason wants to die all over again, thinking about that.

Jason wants to cry, thinking about that.

And he wants his pack alpha to come and make it all better, like he's fucking new or stupid or something. Like he hasn't known better than that since he was old enough for cognizant goddamn thought. Willis never made a damn thing better. And Bruce tricked him into thinking that he would, for a while, but . . .

Well, Jason learned that lesson, didn't he.

Robin learned that lesson.

Jason died with the Joker's scent all over him. Died all marked up with it. Died smelling like he belonged to him.

Couldn't even smell Bruce anymore, past that awful scent. Not even enough to die to.

And just–yeah, well, the less said about Ra's and the League, the better.

So.

Clinic. He needs a clinic. He's too emotional, he's too vulnerable, he's not safe, he's . . . he . . .

He doesn't even know where the fuck he is, actually.

Fuck.

Jason tries to orient himself. He knows Gotham like the back of his hand, even now. Even like this. He knows Gotham like the back of his hand, and he's . . . and he's . . .

And he's lost.

That's so funny that he might actually cry.

Right. Okay. Situation: lost. Lost in fucking Gotham, somehow. No gear. Minimal weapons. Not even any fucking body armor or a damn domino mask. Gun under his jacket. Knife strapped to his calf. Picks in his belt.

Nothing else.

He is absolutely going to die. Or get goddamn assaulted in some random fucking filthy alley. Or both.

Probably both, yeah.

Is he even wearing his damn scent blockers right now . . . ?

Jason checks, and is distantly relieved to feel the necessary patches under his fingers, all neatly covering the scent glands in his wrists and throat. Okay, yeah. Not that stupid yet. Still in a bad situation, what with the whole "being halfway into heat on a public street after dark while lost in a shitty neighborhood in fucking Gotham", but just–again, this could be happening with Ra's al Ghul as his alpha, so right now he's just gonna take what little mercy he can get.

Ra's might've bred him, if he'd gone into heat around him.

Ra's would definitely have bred him, actually. That sounds like exactly the kind of fucked-up power trip that bastard would get off on.

Shit, it'd been bad enough the way he'd treated and touched him as it was. Jason still can't believe Ra's never did anything worse than feel him up a few too many places a few too many times. Like, he actually is still technically a virgin, he's pretty sure.

Even if only technically.

So yeah. Jason is very, very grateful for whatever bizarre and random thing made his body wait this long to heat up for the first time. He really is.

. . . is his replacement an omega too? Did Batman's new and improved Robin spend his first heat with . . .

Jason needs to not think about that right now.

Or ever, maybe.

It's so, so hard not to think about that right now.

He just wants his pack so bad. Worse than he ever remembers wanting them before.

Maybe not worse than he wanted them after he first crawled out of the pit and Ra's forced him to bare his throat for him, though.

No. Not worse than that.

But they replaced him. If there was ever anything there, ever any chance of mattering more than he actually had . . . well, that was gone a long, long time ago, wasn't it.

It was gone. And they didn't care. Hadn't ever cared at all, probably.

They didn't . . . they'd never . . .

Jason is vaguely aware of the fact that he's somehow wound up halfway down an alley, crouched down and curled up against a wall in the shadows under a fire escape. It is very nearly the stupidest goddamn place an omega in his condition could be.

He really doesn't give a fuck, though. Why does it matter? Why does anything matter? He should just stay here and let whatever the fuck happens to him happen.

He might as well.

No one's going to care either way.

It's dark. He's wearing scent blockers. He's all wrapped up in scratchy cotton and rough denim and heavy leather and he doesn't know where the nearest heat clinic is and he's not sure he could get his phone out to figure it out right now. He's not even sure he could kill someone right now, if it came to it.

All things considered, that's more worrying than anything else is.

A lot more.

Jason wants to go home so, so bad.

Which is fucking funny, given that he doesn't even have one.

Yeah. Really, really fucking funny.

Jason wants to throw up. Is definitely shaking. Even more definitely needs to get up and go find a fucking clinic and tell them whatever lies it takes to get himself in the door without someone trying to call his nonexistant pack alpha for him.

Without someone trying to call Bruce for him.

Like Bruce would even come.

Jason really, really wants to throw up. Or kill someone.

What he's actually doing, of course, is fucking sobbing. Because of course he is. Of course that's what's happening here. He's alone in a fucking miserable dark alley and sobbing his fucking guts out instead of just dealing with the fucking problem like a fucking adult.

What the fuck is wrong with him?

Aside from that whole thing where heat makes most omegas insanely overemotional and irrational freaks. And how much worse that thing is when said overemotional and irrational omegas happen to be goddamn strays.

Just. Aside from that.

Fuck, he's so stupid. Why did he even come back? Bruce isn't going to care. No one is.

They replaced him.

Like he wasn't anyone important. Like the place he'd been filling in their pack was just . . . just something temporary. Something that hadn't really mattered to them.

Like that place in their pack wasn't the only thing that'd ever really mattered to him.

He's so, so stupid.

So stupid.

He'll never have that again. He never even really had it to begin with.

And then he fucked up and died, and they all found someone better.

They didn't even give enough of a shit to avenge him before they did.

Jason knows he's being irrational. Knows he needs to get up and get out of here. Knows that these feelings are just . . . just . . .

It's only this bad because of his impending heat, he tries to remind himself. It's only this bad because of that. That's all. Sure as shit he's not crying like this because of anything else.

If it wasn't just the heat, after all, he'd never stop crying. If it wasn't just the heat, he'd have just let himself drown in the pit, or suffocate in his grave, or just . . . or just . . .

Jason needs to get up. Needs to get out of here.

Jason needs his fucking pack to fucking come for him.

But he's needed that before.

#jason todd #red hood #also a teeny bit of implied dickjay #batman #a/b/o #rinfic #anonymous #not sfw #long post #implied molestation #rape mention #wip: the one where omegaverse fucks up red hood's life

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