#or are you like. supposed to use the shakes as substitutes for meals ??? because that doesn't sound right

[the-casbah-way]

ok i'll bite because i'm getting so fucking insanely desperate here. what is a good way to gain weight fast (ish) that isn't just eating loads. i can't afford to eat loads or order takeout which is the whole problem. i have an insanely slow metabolism but it doesn't matter if i can't eat lots or even eat regularly at all because of time/financial constraints. i'm sick of being skinny and i'm also sick of my doctor pestering me about being underweight when i feel like i've tried everything and none of it's working. how the fuck do you gain weight when you don't have money

#i know i could try gainer shakes but i'm not really into that #because they're so filling that i would then eat LESS if i had those on top of it #or are you like. supposed to use the shakes as substitutes for meals ??? because that doesn't sound right #please help me nothing works i've been dealing with this my entire life and it's so fucking annoying

[boppiy]

Tips

RULES, RULES, RULES. This is important. You need to set rules for yourself, and if you are truly ana, you will have no problem sticking to them because you are STRONG! Rules are everything. Examples: Don’t eat anything white. Do not, under any circumstances, eat after 6:00. Don’t eat before 3:00. Cut each bite into x amount of pieces, chew x amount of times. Do not eat anything that has over 3 grams of fat. Make your own and keep adding to them.

Ana must be the center of your life.

Drink a full glass of water before you eat and then sip a full glass between bites, you’ll get full much faster. Remember it takes 20 minutes for the brain to realize the stomach is full.

Eat denser food because it feels like more. Light and fluffy foods compact in your digestive tract and you will feel hungry soon after.

Take out only the amount of food you plan to eat and don’t allow seconds.

Think before you eat. Don’t eat while distracted (TV, etc). Stop and consider if you really want to eat that then consciously give yourself permission.

100-calorie meals is better than one 400-calorie meal.

Never eat anything bigger than about a cup, your stomach will expand and you’ll get hungry more. If you need to, eat more frequently, not bigger amounts.

Slim-Fast and other “healthy” bars and shakes have more carbs and calories than in the meal they’re intended to replace. Stay away.

Drink at least a glass of water every hour. It’s better for weight loss to sip throughout the day than to chug a full glass (except before eating, in which case it can make you eat less, or make you slightly nauseous so you don’t want to eat at all). Try keeping a water bottle somewhere you’ll see it a lot, like every 10-20 minutes, and take a drink from it every time you see it/notice it.

Drink up to a shot of apple cider vinegar before eating, it’s supposed to minimize fat absorption. Also speeds metabolism and can help curb cravings. Drinking more than a shot causes a vague nausea which helps suppress appetite.

Ice or gum are good food substitutes. Celery works too if you’re really hungry.

Use small, dark colored plates. Dark blue or black makes you eat less, and smaller plates and utensils cause you to take smaller portions from the start.

Make a list of “bad” foods. Periodically, cross one of the list and pledge to never, ever eat it again. Eventually there will be none left.

Eat in front of a mirror, naked or in underwear if possible. If you can’t, carry a picture of yourself in a revealing outfit and look at it when you want to eat. When you have cravings pinch your fat and look at your problem areas, don’t add to them!

Eat a lot of fiber for digestive health and low calories.

Create a methodical routine for eating. Cut food into tiny pieces, count your bites and the number of times you chew, set your utensils down between bites, and sip water between bites. Add other rules or rituals of your own.

Eat higher-calorie items earlier in the day so you have more time to burn them off; if you eat late eat light or it will be more likely to be stored as fat due to inactivity. Try not to eat too late, sleep burns calories and is a good opportunity to burn fat with little effort. The body must burn through all digesting food before taking energy from stored food (fat).

When you go out, take very little money or only enough to buy whatever non-food item you plan on buying. This will make it harder to buy food on impulse.

Don’t take bites, either from others’ food or while cooking, as the calories add up surprisingly fast and you may not realize how much extra you’re taking in.

Write down everything you eat and its calories. This will make you think before eating and also make you more aware of how much food and calories you are actually consuming. You can also write down other things such as how you’re feeling, who you’re with, place, time, and why you chose to eat it, this will help you track patterns in your eating behavior.

Wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it when you want to eat. Food = pain.

Set a time you cannot eat past. 6:00 or 7:00pm are good choices. This is especially helpful if you are prone to night binging. Then make a rule that you cannot eat before 6:00 or 7:00AM, this is like having a 12-hr fast every day.

You shouldn’t eat for at least 3 hours before going to bed. The extra hours will help burn off the calories. If you eat soon before sleeping, you absorb more calories due to inactivity and you put on weight.

Have a peppermint or peppermint tea. Peppermint decreases hunger.

Brush your teeth when you want to eat. The clean feeling and mint aftertaste will put you off food.

Press on your stomach when it grumbles. TUMS also stop stomach growling and have calcium.(5 calories a piece so be careful!)

Carry a list of all the reasons you want to be thin and avoid food. Look at it when you want to eat to remind yourself why you won’t. Or, write a new list every time you want to eat. It’ll distract you, postpone eating, and thinking of the reasons will inspire you.

[smoothiediet31]

The smoothie diet. 21-day rapid weight loss program complete review.

Smoothies are very popular for weight loss and overall health. They encourage simplicity of use, and convenience, and include the majority of the Bod’s basic nutrients. Aside from that, they provide a wide range of health advantages, significantly affecting both health and well being and resulting in major changes in fitness and health.

The 21 day smoothie diet rapid weight loss program is among the most famous smoothie diets, and here is a genuine review of the smoothie diet. Before getting deep into the smoothie diet reviews you should know more about the smoothie diet 21-day program for rapid weight loss. It is also known as 21-day smoothie detox diet.

The 21-day smoothie diet, invented by health expert drew outages, says that substituting smoothies for some of your meals would help you lose weight quickly and easily the nuances are crucial, as they are with so many weight-loss strategies, especially Restrictive diets like this one. Smoothies can help you in weight loss when consumed as part of a very well-balanced diet.

However, the foods you eat, the number of your portions, and your overall eating plan will all make the difference.

ORDER NOW

What is the smoothie diet : 21-day rapid weight loss program.

The smoothie diet is a 21-day weight loss program me that can be used to replace meals. The all-natural diet plan, which includes lots of fresh green vegetables and fruits and includes tasty meal recipes, was created by drew outages, a health coach, to ensure that you achieve your health and wellness goals in about a month. To help his clients in a healthy weight loss process, outages developed the 21-day smoothie diet.

“The smoothie diet” Is an e-book that includes 36 smoothie recipes, focused shopping lists, and a three-week timetable outlining which smoothies to make each day. The e-book also includes a three-day “detox” Regimen that includes recipes and directions for replacing three meals each day with smoothies.

The 21-day smoothie diet recommends eating normally but still “healthy” One day a week and offers a meal plan for that day. Outages recommend repeating the 21-day cycle whenever you want to lose weight, however, there is little evidence that a smoothie diet is an efficient way of losing weight.

Who can start a 21-day smoothie diet?

Everyone can have a smoothie. However not everyone can follow a smoothie diet plan. These diet plans are not safe long-term, especially if you have replaced all your meals with these shakes. The only people who can start this diet plan are those who have acquired a go-ahead from their doctor and nutritionist.

Usually, these professionals assess your health and medical history to determine if you are safe to follow such a diet plan. Despite this, they recommend a specific timeline during which you are supposed to follow this diet plan.

Truth be told, diet shakes are not the magic bullet for weight loss. With this in mind, after getting the go-ahead to follow this diet plan, remember to use these drinks judiciously. Successful weight loss will Require other practices, including regular physical activity and getting adequate rest.

How does the 21-day weight loss smoothie diet works?

What can be eaten along with smoothie diet?

The actual and basic concept of the smoothie diet is, that it works like a meal replacement. You replace your unhealthy fat gaining food with healthy smoothies. You make different varieties of smoothies in place of your regular meals.

So, with a smoothie diet, you can intake green vegetables and fruits. You must avoid junk foods with high calories. The weight loss program me also recommends high protein, high fiber snacks and foods.

High protein foods…. Eggs, almonds, oats, milk, broccoli, yogurt, etc…. High fiber foods…. Strawberry, avocado, apples, raspberries, bananas, carrots, beets, broccoli, lent, s, etc…

Health benefits of smoothie diet :

Both man and women can acquire weight quickly because of the rapid pace of life style, poor diet, and inherent medical issues. Meals selections, particularly quick and easy food, have to be the worst additions you can make while still trying to manage your life all of these elements will have an impact on people’s health as well as many other aspects of your well-being. According to the program me, there are numerous health and weight loss benefit of the product.

Pron’s

No costly

Good for those women who don’t want to do exercise and loss weight.

Con’s

This is weight loss product so don’t judge how many times take this smoothie to loss weight.

— — — — (Order now) — — — —

#fatburning #fatburningworkout #fatburningfoods #fatburningcoffee #fatburningmachine #fatburningworkouts #fatburningfemale #fatburningtea #fatburninggel #fatburningmode #fatburningexercises #fatburningzone #weightlosssmoothie #weightlosssmoothies

[meangirl19]

From pr04n@g0ddess on wordpress!

TIPS & TRICKS

Basic/General Rules

RULES, RULES, RULES. This is important. You need to set rules for yourself, and if you are truly 4n@, you will have no problem sticking to them because you are STRONG! Rules are everything. Examples: Don’t e4t anything white. Do not, under any circumstances, eat after 6:00. Don’t eat before 3:00. Cut each bite into x amount of pieces, chew x amount of times. Do not eat anything that has over 3 grams of f4t. Make your own and keep adding to them.

4n@ must be the center of your life.

Drink a full glass of water before you eat and then sip a full glass between bites, you’ll get full much faster. Remember it takes 20 minutes for the brain to realize the stomach is full.

Eat denser food because it feels like more. Light and fluffy foods compact in your digestive tract and you will feel hungry soon after.

Take out only the amount of food you plan to eat and don’t allow seconds.

Think before you eat. Don’t eat while distracted (TV, etc). Stop and consider if you really want to eat that then consciously give yourself permission.

100-cal0r1e meals is better than one 400-cal0r1e meal.

Never eat anything bigger than about a cup, your stomach will expand and you’ll get hungry more. If you need to, eat more frequently, not bigger amounts.

Slim-Fast and other “healthy” bars and shakes have more c4rbs and c4lori3s than in the meal they’re intended to replace. Stay away.

Drink at least a glass of water every hour. It’s better for w3ight l0ss to sip throughout the day than to chug a full glass (except before eating, in which case it can make you eat less, or make you slightly nauseous so you don’t want to eat at all). Try keeping a water bottle somewhere you’ll see it a lot, like every 10-20 minutes, and take a drink from it every time you see it/notice it.

Drink up to a shot of apple cider vinegar before eating, it’s supposed to minimize f4t absorption. Also speeds met4bolism and can help curb cr4vings. Drinking more than a shot causes a vague nausea which helps suppress appetite.

Ice or gum are good food substitutes. Celery works too if you’re really hungry.

Use small, dark colored plates. Dark blue or black makes you eat less, and smaller plates and utensils cause you to take smaller portions from the start.

Make a list of “bad” foods. Periodically, cross one of the list and pledge to never, ever eat it again. Eventually there will be none left.

Eat in front of a mirror, naked or in underwear if possible. If you can’t, carry a picture of yourself in a revealing outfit and look at it when you want to eat. When you have cr4vings pinch your f4t and look at your problem areas, don’t add to them!

Eat a lot of fiber for digestive health and low c4lori3s.

Create a methodical routine for eating. Cut food into tiny pieces, count your bites and the number of times you chew, set your utensils down between bites, and sip water between bites. Add other rules or r1tuals of your own.

Eat higher-cal0r1e items earlier in the day so you have more time to burn them off; if you eat late eat light or it will be more likely to be stored as f4t due to inactivity. Try not to eat too late, sleep burns cal0ri3s and is a good opportunity to burn fat with little effort. The body must burn through all digesting food before taking energy from stored food (fat).

When you go out, take very little money or only enough to buy whatever non-food item you plan on buying. This will make it harder to buy food on impulse.

Don’t take bites, either from others’ food or while cooking, as the c4l0ries add up surprisingly fast and you may not realize how much extra you’re taking in.

Write down everything you eat and its cal0ri3s. This will make you think before eating and also make you more aware of how much food and cal0r1es you are actually consuming. You can also write down other things such as how you’re feeling, who you’re with, place, time, and why you chose to eat it, this will help you track patterns in your eating behavior.

Wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it when you want to eat. Food = pain.

Set a time you cannot eat past. 6:00 or 7:00pm are good

choices. This is especially helpful if you are prone to night b1nging. Then make a rule that you cannot eat before 6:00 or 7:00AM, this is like having a 12-hr fast every day.

You shouldn’t eat for at least 3 hours before going to bed. The extra hours will help burn off the cal0ri3s. If you eat soon before sleeping, you absorb more cal0ri3s due to inactivity and you put on weight.

Have a peppermint or peppermint tea. Peppermint decreases hunger.

Brush your teeth when you want to eat. The clean feeling and mint aftertaste will put you off food.

Press on your stomach when it grumbles. TUMS also stop stomach growling and have calcium.(5 cal0r1es a piece so be careful!)

Carry a list of all the reasons you want to be th1n and avoid food. Look at it when you want to eat to remind yourself why you won’t. Or, write a new list every time you want to eat. It’ll distract you, postpone eating, and thinking of the reasons will inspire you.

Cut a ribbon the size you want your wa1st to be. wrap and tie it around your wrist like a bracelet. Every time you look at it you’ll be reminded of your goals. When you’re tempted, take it off and wrap it around your waist. See how close you are, or how far you have to go, and resist the temptation.

Always leave at least one bite of food on your plate. This will help you to be able to stop eating and prevent b1nges. It will also stop you from compulsively finishing portions even when you have eaten enough.

Save $1 for every meal you don’t eat, then use the money to buy yourself a non-food present.

Friends will only get in the way. Avoid them until you reach your goals.

Never eat in secret. This is a terrible habit that leads to compulsive b1nging. If you wouldn’t eat it in front of all your friends you shouldn’t be e4ting it at all! Also if you only eat around other people they will know that you do eat and assume you eat alone as well, thus lessening suspicion that you have an 3D.

Never eat out of a box or jar. Always eat from a plate or bowl. This will help you in several ways: You will see how much you are really e4ting; you can determine in advance how much you will eat and not go back for seconds; using a small plate or bowl will make you eat even less; you can count/measure out an exact serving and know the accurate amount of cal0ri3s you are consuming.

Give clothes to Goodwill as they get too big for you. Don’t keep them around “just in case.”

If you live alone, put sp0 and/or reverse sp0 pictures on the pantry and refrigerator. A mirror works well too.

When you have hunger pangs, picture your stomach eating away your fat, and that what you feel is the feeling of th1nness and your fat burning away.

Coffee is an app3tite suppr3ssant. Drink it black or with Splenda or other no-cal0rie sweetener.

Count your bites, and the number of times you chew them. Plan in advance how many bites you can have. Then make them smaller or use smaller utensils.

Paint your nails so you can’t eat until the polish dries. Teeth whitening strips are good too.

Drink water before eating. If you’re still hungry, drink green tea or broth. If you still need to eat, you’ll eat less than you would have.

Eat low-cal0rie foods with strong flavors. Sometimes you’re craving taste, not food. For bouillon, use less water than is recommended. Peppermints, pickles, peppers, and mustard are good choices.

Do not eat anything unless you know the exact amount of cal0ries in it.

Chew gum while cooking. That way you can’t take bites while it is cooking, and you won’t want to eat it once it’s done.

Keep food out of sight, not sitting out, and stay away from food and the kitchen to keep your mind off it.

Keep a pocket sp0 in your wallet with your cash so you won’t spend money on food.

For sweet cr4vings, lick a chopstick and dip it into a d1et Swiss Miss pack.

Write your current weight on one hand, and your goal we1ght on the other. When you go to eat, you’ll be reminded how 4t you are, and how skinny you could be.

The Four D’s:

Distance yourself from food.

Distract yourself.

Delay eating

Decide what your goals really are.

Green tea

raises met4bolism and is very good for the skin and overall health. Drink it in the morning to increase metabol1sm for the day. Add lemon to make it more effective and to add a detoxifying aspect.

Hot water with lemon is another good morning drink.

Spicy foods raise met4bolism, if you don’t like them you can take cayenne pepper capsules available in supplement section of drugstores or health food stores.

Drinking apple cider vinegar is said to raise met4bolism, have a few tablespoons, can also be mixed in water (with lemon would be best) or used as salad dressing.

Start the morning with stretching to wake up your muscles, the morning is also the best time to exercise because your body will use stored food (f4t) as fuel instead of food you ate. It also processes food better throughout the day and gives you more energy if you exercise in the morning.

Get at least 6 hours of sleep each night, less than this can decrease metab0lism by 10% and increase 4ppetite by 15%. You look better and feel better when you have more sleep also if you’re sleeping then you’re not eating!

Keep good posture, it burns 10% more cal0ries throughout the day. You also look better.

Vitamin B6 and B12 raise met4bolism and give you energy.

Eating protein increases your met4bolic rate by 14%

#clean eating #exercise #healthy eating #anareksea #ed thots #tw ed content #tw ana thoughts #tw ed relapse #3atingdisord3r #ana ed #proed #skiny body #getting skiny #skiny arms

[gobblewanker]

Well. Guess who had some late night Emotions™ and wrote another drabble on that "Sherman adopts Stan and Ford when they're eight because Filbrick is the worst" story?

The room at Sherman's apartment was smaller than the one at their parents place had been. It was cramped, the singular window was poorly insulated, and the wallpaper was flaking. Almost everything in it was second hand - deeply cherished childhood toys picked up from garage sales piled in a corner, a banged up desk Sherman's college was going to throw out anyways nestled under the drafty window, an old space heater Ford had to repair nearly every winter puttering away snugly next to the drawer with it's missing handle. Everything was old and worn, but in a good, reassuring, way. Like a pair of well used shoes, slowly adjusted to it's wearer's feet and fitting far more comfortably than a new pair ever could. As far as Ford was concerned, it was infinitely more a home than the pawnshop had ever been.

Maybe that made sense though. He'd soon spent half his life there. The latter part. The better one. The one spent living in a shoddy apartment which's walls nonetheless practically oozed with love and family. The one without dad looming large like some invisible but always precent danger. The one with memories permeated by safety and stability.

Ford knew much of that stability was a carefully crafted façade, propped up on his big brother's shoulders. He'd caught on to it long before Stan, but in retrospect it was obvious. The way Sherman would skip meals so they never had to, the way he always seemed to be working overtime, all of it. It wasn't a stable situation at all. But he'd made it feel that was. Always made it seem like there was nothing to worry about. Ford and Stan had tried to help out wherever they could, doing chores when there were any and otherwise just being good and staying out of the way. It had taken a long time for the permanence of the situation to sink in. For the realization to hit that they wouldn't get sent back. That no matter what they did, Shermie wouldn't get fed up with them and cart them back to Pa.

But what if it wouldn't be up to him?

"Hey, Stan?" Ford whispered into the quiet of the dark. From the bunk under him, he heard a low grunt of affirmation.

"Yeah?" There was no trace of drowsiness in Stan's voice.

"I can't sleep."

"Tell me about it."

Ford dropped his arm over the side of the bed, letting it dangle. It didn't take more than a few seconds for Stan's hand to find it. Five fingers intertwining with six. An old gesture of reassurance. Quiet and secret, Pa wasn't big on sentimentality. That stuff was for women and crybabies. The secrecy wasn't a necessity anymore, Sherman didn't mind, but the gesture had carried them through long enough to become ingrained.

"I'm scared." Ford said. The confession came with ease. Just one of the millions that had been dispersed into the darkened bedroom over the years. Half a childhood spent.

"Me too." Stan's voice answered, drifting up from below. "Ya thinking about the war?"

Ford nodded into his pillow, before remembering Stan couldn't see him. "Yeah."

Silence descended on the room like a blanket again. Soft, but very palpable and almost suffocating.

It had been a perfectly normal day at first. When they woke up that morning, everything had been just fine. Perfectly average. You never really appreciate 'avrage' until it's threatened.

There'd been recruiters at their school, talking to the older students about war and enlistment and other things Ford wanted nothing to do with. It was something he was going to ignore. It didn't concern him. He and Stan were both too young. He'd felt a strange sense of almost invulnerability at that. So he'd just kept walking. He'd gotten caught up in an interesting discussion with his physics teacher at the end of the lesson, and was far more concerned with the fact that he was running late to meet up with Stan for lunch. But then it'd hit him with the same speed and ferocity as an oncoming freight train that while he and Stan might be in the clear, that same certainty was in no way extended to Sherman.

The closest thing to a parent they had, and an uncaring universe had just added his name to some nebulous lottery where being picked would spell tragedy.

Sherman was security, and now he might be ripped away.

Suffice to say, they hadn't gone to get food after that. Instead, the entire lunch period had been spent locked up in a bathroom stall, Stan trying his best to talk Ford down from the ensuing panic attack without becoming overwrought himself.

"What do we do, Stan?" Ford's voice was low and miserable. He'd managed to pull himself together for the entire evening, not wanting to worry Sherman. But problems always seemed much bigger in the dark, and this one was insurmountable enough in daylight.

"I donno." Stan said. "Do ya wanna go talk with 'im?"

"I don't know."

Ford went quiet again, just listening to the rumbling heater and the odd car passing by outside. If there was one thing he missed about their old room, it was the sound of the ocean. A busy road was no substitute for calming waves.

Did he want to go talk to Sherman? Yes. The sense of comfort he usually got - both of them usually got - from doing that was so deep rooted it was only surpassed by the comfort they could find in eachother. But this was about Sherman, so venting their fears with him might help. He never got upset at them for doing so, not for being 'sissies' or for keeping him up when he had work in the morning or for bothering him. The fact that they could go wake him up if they needed it was another one of those truths that had taken a long time to sink in. But after a bad bout of the flu had almost escalated to hospitalisation for both of them because they wouldn't tell Sherman they weren't feeling well they'd sat down and had a very long chat about the importance of communication. It still felt like night and day compared to Pa.

"I guess I want to go talk to him. But it feels stupid."

"You know he wouldn't see it like that." Stan's hand squeezed Ford's comfortingly.

"I know. But..."

But what? Ford wasn't sure how to articulate the issue. Not even to himself really. He wanted to go and ask for reassurance, he wanted that familiar comfort. The one that made him think of sitting up late at night being hugged and reassured through childhood stomach aches and emotional breakdowns over bullies. That strange paradoxical feeling of a miserable situation made almost... Cozy? None of those situations were ever good. The things that facilitated them hurt. But that hurt facilitated closeness and safety, and those emotions were always the ones that remained. They were good memories tinged with something bad. Or maybe bad memories overwhelmed by something good?

So yes. He wanted that. He wanted to make a good memory out of this hurt.

But that felt selfish.

The situation was horrible. Horrible to the point where trying to make something good, however miniscule, come out of it almost felt like it'd be disrespectful. Making light of something that should stay dark. That should hurt, and only hurt.

"Ford? Ya still awake?"

Ford breathed shakily through his nose. Trying to stop his voice from wavering the way he just knew it would.

"I want to go talk to him. But it feels wrong."

"Why?"

"I don't know how to- I don't-" Ford paused, focusing on breathing again. Intellectually, he knew he didn't have the keep the emotions tapped down. Another lesson Sherman had worked hard to drill into them. It was okay to cry and dad was an asshole for demanding they don't. But he still didn't want to. It still felt somehow weak. Shameful. "I want to go, I want to make it feel better, but I also don't want to make it feel better because it hurts and it should. It should hurt. It's awful."

Stan remained quiet for another few seconds. Usually he had no qualms about blurting out whatever came to his mind, but maybe this situation required more thought.

"Let me get this straight... The reason you don't want to go and talk to Shermie is because ya want to be upset?"

Ford didn't know if that was it or not. He couldn't make heads or tails of his own emotions. They felt huge and overwhelming, too big to fit inside him but also too big to unravel and understand. Like a nest of gigantic snakes all tangled up in eachother, chaotic and confused, hissing and biting itself.

"It's bad. It's so bad that trying to make it good feels wrong." He didn't know if that was it either.

Stan let go of his hand, and Ford instantly mourned the loss of contact. Comfort? Wasn't comfort what he didn't want? He was so confused, he just wanted everything to make sense. He lifted the corner of his t-shirt to wipe at his stinging eyes as Stan's face appeared over the side of the bed.

"Ford... Look, it's okay to let things hurt, but it's also okay to make them hurt less." Stan looked at him intensely. Ford felt himself becoming even more choked up at the scrutiny. "No, seriously. It's like... Like breaking a leg, right? Remember that time in fourth grade when you did that?"

Ford nodded, slightly unsure what this had to do with anything.

"It hurt, and it's okay that it hurt. It made sense that it hurt, and you don't pretend like it doesn't. But just because it makes sense that it hurts doesn't mean it was bad that you got painkillers and a cast. Without that junk it wouldn't have healed right."

That... He supposed that might be a valid analogy. Maybe Stan had a point.

"So... You think we should go?"

"Are you going to feel any better if we don't?"

Ford considered for a moment, still warring with the conflicting emotions twisting his stomach all up in knots. But he thought maybe it was slightly less. Shaking his head, he excavated himself from the nest of blankets and clambered down the ladder. Moving through the darkened apartment and arriving to knock at their brother's door as they'd done so many times before.

In the end, it did help. Sitting huddled together on the bed in the dark until the sun began to rise and the fear crept away with the shadows. Until it felt safe enough to fall asleep, secure in the knowledge that everyone would still be there come morning. The situation was large and looming and firmly out of their control. That much didn't change. They couldn't decide how things would end, but they could decide how they would cope. And they would cope.

Together.

#gravity falls #stanford pines #stanley pines #sherman pines #fanfic #not art #tw vietnam war #this is pretty much me trying to make sense of my own emotions by writing #so sorry if it's a bit stream-of-conciousness-ish #shermie adoption au

[twiddle-dee-twiddle-dumb]

HAIKYUU! BOYS WHEN S/O HAVE TO SUDDENLY TRAVEL FOR WORK

A/N: This is long overdue. XD Enjoy!! Again, thank you for your likes, reblogs and follows. I'm eternally grateful. :'))

Toru Oikawa

· Oikawa just got back from an overseas game and the both of you are in your favorite restaurant spending your quality time together. Since Toru was in overseas for months, you applied as a researcher in the university that you work for. You have been waitlisted for weeks and when they finally accepted your application, they can only accommodate you as a substitute researcher/research assistant. Which to you is fine, since you’re just looking for something to pass time as your husband is not around.

· You helped and worked in a research project. The research team is about to gather data for the study. They would need data for each prefecture and that would take weeks to work on. Being only a substitute researcher, you learned the ins and outs of the project but you’re only asked to do something when needed to or when they lack manpower.

· You are enjoying your meal with Toru, listening his tales of his games and life overseas, his bragging about his international fangirls to which you laughed at, and his language learning. He acquired quite few though. You were enjoying the night so far when your phone successively chimed in—means that there are messages coming in.

· You took a peek at your phone screen and saw that it was the research team group messages. They are in a haywire. You haven’t really grasp what was happening with the research team as your attention is divided with Toru and your blown-up phone.

· “Babe, are you listening to me?!” he asked when he noticed that you’re furrowing at your phone.

· “Yes, babe. It’s just that these messages from the university are coming in and blowing up my phone.” You smiled sweetly as you put it on mute before putting it aside. “You were saying, darling?” So Toru continued narrating his and his team mates’ shenanigans overseas. As your husband is in the middle of his story, your phone started to vibrate inside your bag. You tried to ignore it until you couldn’t so you have to tell Toru to hold up and you would just check if everything’s okay with the research team.

· It was the lead researcher who is calling you. They have been messaging you but of course, this is your personal time. They couldn’t blame you for responding late or not responding at all.

· “Hello?” you picked up the phone. “Hello, Oikawa-san. I’m sorry, but are you available?” the one on the other end said. “Honestly, no. I’m somewhere.” you answered truthfully. The person on the other line sighed, “That’s too bad. We need your help, Oikawa-san. Ishii-san’s wife went into labor and he cannot go with us to proceed with the research. You’re our only hope.” You sensed the desperation but you cannot just jump in the waters especially now, that he’s back.

· “Fujihara-san, I cannot answer you right away. My husband just arrived from overseas and I still have to discussed it with him.” You told your senior. You heard a sigh on the other line but Fujihara-san agreed and said that you still have time to decide until tomorrow, hoping that you’ll agree because your name is also credited to the research. Like your actual name is placed as one of the researchers.

· The call ended and Toru was looking at you questioningly. You just said ‘later at home’ as you don’t want to spoil the rest of the evening. But your husband already knows something is up. You went back to where you were a while ago until you finished your time in the resto.

· “Darling-chan, did you enjoy our dinner?” Toru asked you, swaying your held hands as you walk to the next block where your car is park. “Yes, I did.” You beamed at him and then you frowned a little bit, recalling the call earlier. “What’s with your face, Y/N-chan?” you shook your head in response. “Is it about the call you got a while back?” he pressed further. You just nodded in response. Toru pulled you closer to him and kissed your cheek, squeezing your hand after. You continued your walk back to the car in silence, enjoying the nightly breeze caressing your skins.

· The drive to your house was silent. It’s kind of eating you up. You’re having mental practice of how to lay all the cards to Toru when you arrive later. Your husband is a stubborn man and he’s dramatic AF.

· “Okay, I know we’ve been silent the whole ride and that you’ve been dying to know what’s the deal.” You said the moment you got into the living room of your home. “Don’t deny it, Toru. I couldn’t count the times you’ve glanced at me on the rearview mirror.” You said before he could even express his disagreement which made him roll his eyes and mumble ‘fine’ under his breath.

· “Well… babe, I’m needed to travel for the research team.” You smiled sheepishly.

· Toru frowned. “But, I just got back darling-chan.” He’s completely opposed that you have to go away right now—now when he’s back. “Hmmpf! Your research team is ugly. Why did they decided to do your research now that I’m back?!” He continued to whine.

· “Toru, it was an emergency. I’m not supposed to go but one of the researcher’s wife went into labor and that he couldn’t go.” You tried to explain.

· “Don’t you love me anymore?! You’re leaving me when I just got here?! And you’re choosing those stinky research team over me, your pretty husband?!” you laughed at your husband’s childish rants and name-calling. He huffed and continued to whine about how they’re trying to take you time from him, how ugly they are for doing so and how annoying they are doing research.

· “Babe… well… I’ll tell them I wouldn’t go. I guess.” You said as you took pity at your husband. Toru blinked. “Really darling-chan?”

· “I guess? I mean I would be credited if I do it but it’s fine if I won’t be. I’m glad to be spending time with you.” You said. Toru is more important anyway and you miss this human so much.

· “No wait. That’d be good for your career. Just go.” You gaped at him, disbelief is apparent. You never expected this to come out from his mouth. Not when he spent minutes childishly slandering the research team.

· “But I’m getting you pregnant though as a revenge on them. So when you’re all doing another research, you’ll be in labor and they have to find a replacement. ” he supplied before you could react. You narrowed your eyes at him but he just looked at you smugly. “Hah, I’m so cunning, Darling-chan.” More like petty, you thought but you could only shake your head.

· You reassured once again if he is really okay with you going. He said yes and now, he’s pulling you to your bedroom with the agenda of helping you pack and getting you pregnant.

Hajime Iwaizumi

· Iwaizumi just got home from work. He has been working late these days since there are an upcoming overseas game in four months. The players are also in a grind. There is too much pressure in Hajime’s work so you’re being extra considerate with him.

· You’ve been preparing him dinner, baths and massages even though you also came home from work. Because if the situation is reversed, your husband would do that for you.

· “Haji, welcome home.” You greeted him by the door. You heard his car from the outside.

· “Hi, baby.” He answered while giving you a soft peck on your lips. You got his bag from him as he removed his shoes by the door.

· You slowly pulled Hajime towards the kitchen. “I know you haven’t had dinner yet.” You motioned for him to sit as you reheat the dinner your made for him in advance and prepped the plate and the utensils. “Haji, do you want a warm Chamomile tea, tonight?” you asked him while preparing two set of cups.

· You felt two arms snaked on your waist while feeling the weight of his head on your shoulders.

· “Yes, baby. Please.” He mumbled, his head still leaned on your shoulder. You gently turned around to face him. You caressed his hair as you said ‘okay’. He looks so worn out, dark circles started to form on his eye and there’s also a five-day old stubble on his face. You gently pat him for a minute until he lets go and let you do what you have to do.

· You laid out the chamomile tea and the dinner you’ve made for him. Hajime started eating and he asked you about your day. You told him that you had a very long day working from home. Your office was so busy because there are foreign investors coming and that you are rushing to finalize everything from the arrangements to the hired translator since your company offered to hire one yourself.

· Hajime looked at you with amusement and amazement while basking in the pride that he’s also feeling. You’ve come so far with your career and he’s absolutely awed with your success. He’s also successful himself and he’s very grateful to share that success with you.

· You and Haji are cleaning up the dishes when your phone shrilled from the living room. You looked at Haji, bewildered for it is already this late before excusing your self to answer the call.

· Your brows furrowed when you saw it was your boss calling. “Hello, Good Evening Aizawa-san. How may I help you?” you said carefully while wondering what could’ve gone wrong with your thorough preparation.

· “Iwaizumi-san, I’m very sorry to call you this late but the translator we hired cannot come tomorrow. He got into a car accident.” You heard you boss’ sigh. He was so happy that everything was going well and now this happened.

· “Oh, Aizawa-san, that’s terrible. I hope he’s fine now. Do you want me to look for another translator?” you glanced at the clock, it’s already a quarter to twelve. You’re starting to get worried now. You’ve been preparing and pitching this meeting for months, there’s no way that it’s not going to push through because you have no translator for tomorrow.

· “He’s recovering now. No, Iwaizumi-san. I looked up your files again and found out that you know how to speak English.” Your boss said. You suddenly remembered that you include putting it in your additional set of skills when you applied for a job. Luckily, they hired you even though you don’t really have the experience back then. But you persevered and now, a couple of years later, you’re climbing up the top.

· “Yes, sir. I do. I lived in England for about six months for an exchange program. Pardon me if I asked why did you bring it up, sir?”

· “Well, I want you to fill in the translator’s job instead. I’ll be paying you extra since this is another job I asked you to do.” Your boss said with finality. You have no choice but to agree. Your boss bid you goodbye and expects to see you at the venue tomorrow. Not only that, you have to be with them for the duration of the foreigners’ visit.

· You slumped on the couch, feeling the wave of exhaustion again. You thought you can spend your day with Hajime in his work place tomorrow. You were excited for that. You even prepared what to cook for him and the team tomorrow. You also have something to say to him tomorrow which adds up the excitement.

· “What’s with the big sigh, honey?” Hajime asked as he sat beside you on the couch. You pout at him, not really wanting to speak because you’re on the brink of tears.

· You dived unto Haji’s chest while wrapping your hands on his waist. You inhaled his scent.

· “Haj, I’m gonna leave for work tomorrow.” You said in a low, muffled voice.

· “What did you say, babe? I didn’t hear it quite well.” He said as he kissed the top of your head.

· You looked at him and pouted before saying that you have to leave for work. Hajime lets out a small ‘oh’. You saw Haji tried to blink the disappointment away but failed, with a small frown emerging from his lips. Haji was also excited. It’s been so long since you’ve come over to his workplace. You apologized to him because you couldn’t keep your word but he reassures you that it’s fine. He asked why though and you explained to him the conversation you have with your boss.

· “Aww, I’m so proud of you, baby. You’ve come this far. We’re successful in our own ways. Though we sometimes spend time away, I am so thankful to share this success with you.” You melt at Hajime’s words. You never thought that you’ll hear these things from him now. He doesn’t really shower you with affectionate words but rather, actions. You thought that’s all what he has to say but you’re wrong.

· “Tomorrow, I know you’ll do great as you always do. You’re a great employee, a great daughter, a great friend, a great wife and… a great mother.” You gasp at his last statement. You looked at him, surprised.

· “How did you—” Hajime cut you off with a deep kiss.

· “I installed your tracker remember? You also logged in your account. So, whenever you update, my tracker info also gets updated.” You laughed at him sheepishly. So much for the surprise.

You asked him if he was happy. He replied ‘ecstatic’. He pulled you up to go to bed since you’re expecting, he thinks that you should sleep early. You bargained to stay up a little longer since you need to fix your suitcase bringing three-days’ worth of clothes. When you finished, you and Hajime cuddled until you both feel asleep— asleep feeling more devoted and committed to each other and the upcoming little Iwaizumi.

#hq fluff #hq oikawa #hq iwaizumi #haikyuu fluff #haikyu x reader #haikyuu time skip #haikyuu fic #hajime iwaizumi #oikawa toru

[spaceorphan18]

99 Perspectives on a Single Love Story #36

A/N: The Story of Kurt and Blaine told through the eyes of everyone else but them. Each chapter is a different perspective in the ongoing tale of their love story.

I started something like this a while back - and now I’m taking the idea and really running with it. Each chapter is a ficlet of a different character at a different point in Kurt and Blaine’s life - documenting their love story. This starts in Audition, and each chapter will be paired with a different episode until reaching Dreams Come True.

[Ao3]

***

Hiram and LeRoy Berry (On My Way) 

It had been cute but somewhat alarming when the idea of Rachel and Finn’s marriage first came to their attention.  But a month has gone by, and for as much as they suggested to postpone it, Rachel is still a Berry.  And Berrys are headstrong and ambitious.  It’s not surprising that she’ll push on through to get what she wants.  It doesn’t mean that either Hiram or LeRoy are happy about it though.  Finn Hudson is a good kid.  His mother is good people.  And someday, possibly after Rachel has her Tony, it would be a nice present for herself to nab a permanent piece of man candy.

But honestly.  She could have waited.  If not for herself then at least for her dads who have now dug a hole so deep with the positivity around the marriage they can not utterly see a way out.  

There are wedding preparation materials all over the dining room table.  Bridal magazine, fabric swatches, plates of various sweets and cupcakes.  This little game is becoming frightening real all too quickly.  Rachel’s at the table, chattering away with her friends Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson (the latter of whom they have just recently met - and whom they both agree is a delightful young man).  But the reality of the situation is - this wedding is now happening way quicker than it should be.  And if they can’t convince Rachel to back out - maybe her friends can help.  

As Rachel takes a bathroom break, Hiram and LeRoy jump on the chance to join the kids at the table.  

“So, uh, so this is coming along nicely,” Hiram says, conversationally, pointing around at the piles on the table.  

“Rachel’s going to make an exquisite bride,” Blaine says, cooing over a page in a bridal gown magazine with a post-it note that reads ‘maybe’ on it.  

“She isn’t she?” LeRoy says, forcing a smile as he looks at the magazine.  “But you know what, if she really wants this dress -- I think a fall wedding might be a better match.  The color scheme is all wrong in spring.” 

“Yes, yes, that’s right - we wouldn’t want the color scheme to be wrong for our baby girl’s big day,” Hiram agrees.  “You know what might be better than a fall wedding? A fall of 2024 wedding.”

“Yes!” LeRoy agrees quickly.  “Fall of 2024.  I hear it’s supposed to be a good year.” 

“The Plaza Hotel might have an opening in the Fall of 2024,” Hiram adds.  “LeRoy, check to see if The Plaza Hotel has an availability in 2024.  We should book that now.  Wouldn’t want to lose out on such a location.” 

Kurt seems to understand where this is going.  Blaine does not.  

“See, Blaine, I told you -- we really need to wait until we’re thirty,” Kurt says, turning towards Blaine, as if this is something he’s said many times before.  Blaine rolls his eyes at Kurt.  

Both LeRoy and Hiram pause -- as it hits them that they have a couple of young gays in front of them.  They look fondly at each other, and then at Kurt and Blaine.

“So, so, uh, are the two of you, uh, the two of you together?” Hiram asks, a grin on his face.  

“We are,” Blaine says proudly, grabbing Kurt’s hand.  

“And planning to get married?” Hiram asks.  And then a devastating thought enters his brain. “Oh god, oh god, oh god, please tell me you don’t want to have a double wedding. I cannot afford a double wedding.”  He points directly at Kurt.  “Your dad with this excellent lube shop cannot afford a double wedding.” 

“Calm down, Hiram, I’m sure they’re not going to crash any weddings any time soon,” LeRoy says, waving a dismissive hand at him.  

“Someday, we’d like to get married,” Blaine admits, looking adoringly at Kurt. 

Kurt grins at him, but he’s more held back.  “But not yet.  We want to be ready.” 

“Good because marriage is terrible,” Hiram says unexpectedly. “And you should tell Rachel that.” 

“Hiram, c’mon,” LeRoy says, tilting his head at his husband.  “How often to we come across a young, gay couple in Ohio? Let’s not discourage them.” 

“Well, we shouldn’t be encouraging them either.  We are, after all, responsible adults.” 

“True,” LeRoy agrees. “But marriage isn’t as awful as you’re making it sound.” 

“Oh, well yes, yes,” Hiram says, thinking it over. “It, uh, it starts out all, uh, all rainbows and glitter but then you wake up one day and you have a mortgage you’ll be paying into your eighties and a partner who believes Velveeta is an acceptable cheese substitute.” 

“It was one dish,” LeRoy argues.  “And how many times have I told you -- you don’t like what I cook, you can cook yourself.” 

“Oh, no no no no no,” Hiram wiggles a finger at him. “You said, LeRoy, you said as part of our marriage vows that I would never have to cook.  Do you remember our marriage vows, LeRoy, they were sacred.” He then turns to Kurt and Blaine.  “I do, however, make a good French Toast. Kurt, you’ve never been over on a Sunday morning for one of our Brunch and Broadway meals, it is the talk of the town.” 

“They are exquisite,” LeRoy agrees.

Blaine looks up to them with wide eyes.  “They sound delightful.” 

“Don’t encourage them, Blaine…” Kurt says, leaning over to whisper in Blaine’s ear. 

“So, now, where were we? Oh, right.  Teen marriage,” Hiram says.  “Not a good idea”

“Not a good idea, right,” LeRoy agrees. 

Hiram continues.  “And maybe, maybe maybe, since the two of you are teens -- a delightful teen couple who is not getting married.  Maybe the two of you might want to mention they should wait.” 

There’s an awkward pause, as Kurt and Blaine aren’t sure what to say to that.  

“I told them from day one that they should wait,” Kurt finally admits.  

“But they’re so in love, Kurt,” Blaine argues, as if it’s not the first time the two of them have had this conversation.  “Do you really want to get in the way of that?”

“No, right, right, right, but listen to your partner, Blaine,” Hiram says, excitedly.  “Kurt is right.  You can be in love when you’re older.  In fact, it’s a lot better when you’re older.  You’ll have jobs and careers and your own piano rooms.  And a much better idea as to whether or not your partner is, in fact, a bit crazy.” 

“Oh, I’m crazy now, huh” LeRoy is aghast at the low blow.  

“Well, I mean, your crazy idea is what got us in this mess in the first place,” Hiram points out.  

“Yes, it was my idea to be supportive,” LeRoy says defensively, “And hopefully let her come to her own decision.  But if you really want to play the blame game -- let me remind you that you were the one who wanted to have a child in the first place.  So, technically, this is all your fault.” 

“Well, I just wanted to impart wisdom on a small being in the hopes that I could produce someone just as magical as I am.”

“And you think I’m the crazy one.” 

At that moment, Rachel comes out of the bathroom.  “Dads, hi, what are you guys talking about?” 

“Nothing honey,” LeRoy says, pulling her to sit on his lap.

“We were, uh, we were just talking about how ravishing you’re going to be on your big day,” Hiram covers, picking up one of the magazines.  Rachel coos. 

As Hiram, LeRoy, and Rachel start discussing the wedding, they fail to notice Kurt and Blaine lean into each other.  

“Do you think some day we’ll be like them?” Blaine asks, looking adoringly at Rachel’s dads.  

Kurt shakes his head in disbelief.  “God, I hope not....”

#s.o. writes things #99 perspectives #late friday night is not the most ideal time to post this - but I wanted to get it done before the weekend #cause i won't be around

[dulcesiabits]

aftermath (obey me x reader)

request: hi!! i just wanted to say i really loved reading your works ever since i discovered "grief"! your angst in particular is really touching for me, i somehow really like how you depict sadness and all that. since requests are open, can i ask for a sort-of response to the piece where mc can see lilith's ghost? like how would mc react to the knowledge that she's kinda being used as a "substitute" or stand-in, i guess, for the brothers. thank you so much, whether or not you choose to write this

a/n: I’m happy you enjoyed my work to such an extent!! as a writer, it’s always nice to see when your work resonates with people in some way. part one is here, though this could be read as a standalone, too! 

spoilers: Obey Me CH 16-17

They search for any trace of Lilith in you. The curve of your lip, the planes of your face, the fall of your hair-- anything that could be linked back to someone who died, thousands of years ago. Anything that could be proof that their sister still existed, that some part of her lived in you.

Sometimes, you examine yourself in the mirror. You know what Lilith looks like; you’ve seen her in your dreams and her ghost walks by your side. But Lilith is beautiful. Inhumanly so. And you? You’re just human. You have to swallow poison every time they compare you to her. It is impossible to live up to someone who had become so idolized in death, someone whose shadow swallows you up before you have a chance to escape.

At first, it’s okay. You tamp down the anger, the resentment, the pain. It is so easy to make them happy, and you love them so much, you swallow your sharp words. Even if when they look at you, all they see is her. They try not to, of course. They know, logically, you aren’t really their sister. But her blood ties you, and her ghost haunts you, and you become less a human than a conduit for Lilith. 

Once, they sought you out because you were you; now they seek you out so they can talk to Lilith. Levi wants to indulge in an endless amount of anime and games, and expects you to relay all of Lilith’s thoughts. Asmo drags you out, and chatters incessantly, and holds up makeup and clothes he wishes he could give to his little sister, but has to make do with you. Beel shares all the delicious treats he wishes Lilith could have tried, even as his own stomach rumbles with hunger. But he shoves it all at you adoringly, and you must relay the taste to Lilith. Lucifer wants to do nothing but talk with her. When he waxes on old memories, you know you are an outsider. You know these are things he does not wish to share with you, but he must, if he hopes to hear Lilith’s response.

Satan is the only one who understands what it is like to live as someone’s replacement. He is like you, an outsider; he never knew Lilith, and has only known her shadow. It is a little more bearable with Satan around, because he is the only one who still knows who you are. But it is unbearably awkward. Because you are not just you, not really, and there are only so many times Satan can steal you away from his brothers.

Mammon still loves you for who you are. At least, you think he does. But that love is twisted with the longing to see his sister. Mammon is so eager it hurts. He is gentle because Lilith is there, and he cannot hide how excited he is to hear Lilith’s thoughts. Is he spending time with you because he loves you, or because he can speak to his sister?

Belphie is the worst. The nickname burns in your mouth, but he had insisted you call him that, and so you did. You know all too well what his anger looks like. You want to care for him, you truly did. But he had hurt you, betrayed you, killed you, and no one seemed to care. Were you supposed to simply let it go? Was he really going to forget his centuries of guilt and loathing of humans because his sister became one? But you have no other choice. You are supposed to be kind, and they love you because you are kind. You forgive him, even though you can’t forget.

They are demons, you remind yourself. Hadn’t Lucifer once warned you that demons couldn’t stay away from temptation? The chance to talk to their sister again was irresistible. But you know you are just making excuses for them.

Perhaps a part of you is scared: if you refuse them, if you do not play along, will they love you less? You are used to putting aside your own emotions to deal with those of others. Kindness is a rot that eats away at you, piece by piece. Already their love is so complicated and heavy you suffocate under its weight.

And Lilith? Lilith is so apologetic it stings. She doesn’t want this for you. You can tell she regrets revealing herself to her brothers. Everyone is stagnating, you think. Trapped in the past, unable to move forward. And you know you are only enabling them. But it is so hard to tell them how you feel when they look so happy.

But of course, their happiness is built upon a house of cards. And one night, during dinner, it all falls apart. As you rush to finish your meal, you bite your tongue. The brothers look at you as you wince, the metallic taste of blood filling your mouth.

“Are you okay, Lilith?” Belphie asks, and something in you shatters.

Everyone at the table stills. They have been toeing the line for so long, and finally, someone crosses it. It is a mistake, you think. He hadn’t meant it. But still, it hurts, and you no longer feel so understanding.

You can feel the heat of their gazes weighing on you, awkward, inquisitive, afraid. Belphie looks... regretful, but what is it that he regrets? Calling you by the wrong name? Or the fact that it isn’t his sister sitting at the table?

You stand with a clatter, your fork ringing as it hits your plate. The taste of blood is nauseating as you speak. “Aren’t you guys tired of this? I know I am. I... I’m not her! I’m not Lilith! I’m me! When you look at me, I want you to really look at me!”

Mammon utters your name, softly, but you refuse to stop. How long have you wanted to say this? How long have you ignored your own emotions to make someone else happy?

“I’m sorry, but Lilith is gone. She’s not coming back. And it sucks that you guys had to deal with that pain for so long, but you can’t keep using me to feel better! I’m not her! I’m not her replacement! And Belphie, you’re the worst,” you spit, wrapping your arms around yourself. He looks surprised, and you want to laugh. “Are you never going to apologize? You killed me! Am I just supposed to forget that? I can’t. I mean, in general, you guys need to move on! And talk things out! And stop using me! Maybe I’m at fault, too, for letting this go on as long as it has, but...”

You exhale weakly. “Don’t come near me, until you’re ready to talk to me as me, and not her.”

No one stops you as you stalk off, your hands shaking. You’re not sure how you would have reacted if they did. When you finally reach your room, you sob until you’re light-headed and gasping. Perhaps you could convince Diavolo to invest in a demonic therapy service. The brothers definitely needed it. The thought makes you choke out a laugh.

You wearily drag yourself to the bathroom. You grimace at your reflection: messy hair, runny nose, puffy eyes. Nothing like the angelic being the brothers mistake you for. But what did they expect? You were human. You touch your reflection, and crack a small, hopeless smile. It is okay. You’ll be okay. 

For the first time in a while, you finally feel like yourself.

#liya writes #obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me! #obey me x reader #obey me imagines #shall we date obey me

[kpop-zone]

Red Velvet reaction to their s/o being stressed out because of university

A/N: I’m back!

Irene

Please come over.

Joohyun didn’t know how often she had sent you this message in the past weeks, but she didn’t care if she seemed needy. Your finals had just started, and you had already begun to stress out about them two weeks ago. She didn’t mind that you were ambitious; after all it had been one of the reasons why she fell for you. Nevertheless, Joohyun was worried about you. You always tended to overwork yourself. Therefore, she wanted to have you around. This way, she could make sure that you ate, drank and rested enough.

I’ll be there in 5

You answered and Joohyun smiled to herself while already walking to the kitchen to heat up some food for you.

It didn’t take long till she heard knocks on the door, so Joohyun walked to the entrance to let you in. But she didn’t like what she found standing in front of the dorm. You looked tired and completely jaded, making her frown.

“Have you eaten already?”

She asked while taking your hand and pulling you inside.

“Um I’ve had some cereal.”

Normally Joohyun would have scolded you for thinking that cereal was a proper meal, but today she had compassion with you.

“I’ll take that as a no... But don’t worry, I’ve prepared something for you.”

She piped up, but you groaned in response.

“Joohyun... I appreciate the effort, but I need to start studying.”

You whined, but Joohyun didn’t even listen anymore. If you couldn’t take care of yourself, she would do it for you. No compromises. Good grades were important and if you wanted to, she would help you studying later on. But your health was more important than anything else.

“There’s no use in fighting. You have to take a break. You’ll see that you’ll study much better later.”

She answered and pushed you down on a chair in front of the dining table. With a grumpy face, you accepted your fate and waited till Joohyun had put all the different plates in front of you. It didn’t take you long to dig into the food greedily, making her shake her head. You could be so stubborn. But at least you were looking more and more alive with every bite; much to Joohyun’s liking.

“Better?”

She asked after you had finished your third bowl of rice and you grinned sheepishly in response, causing her to chuckle.

In the end, the two of you even ended up chatting for a while before you dedicated yourself to your studies. While you were completely engrossed in your laptop, Joohyun cleaned up the kitchen, took care of her own affairs and kept feeding you little snacks until it was 1 am. With a glance on her watch, she figured that you had martyred your brain enough for the day and swiftly walked over to you to wordlessly close your laptop.

“Joohyun!”

You gasped, but once again, she chose to ignore your protests.

“Come to bed?”

She asked sweetly while holding her hand out.

Contemplatively your gaze alternated between her hand and your laptop until you huffed in defeat and chose to comply to your girlfriend’s wishes. Joohyun grinned smugly and pulled you to the bedroom.

Maybe you couldn’t see it yet, but in hindsight you would be grateful.

Seulgi

Seulgi fidgeted with her phone in her hand while sitting on her bed and contemplating whether she should call you or not. Your finals were around the corner and you were stressed out beyond belief. You spent all your days in your room to study and Seulgi was starting to miss you. Nevertheless, she also wanted to be a supportive girlfriend. She didn’t want to distract you and be the cause of bad grades. But on the other hand, you could probably also use someone to take care of you and calm you down. Seulgi sighed in desperation. What was she supposed to do?

“Just go. I’m sure Y/N will be happy to see you.”

Seungwan, who was just passing by her room and had apparently noticed Seulgi’s desperation, said over her shoulder.

“But what if I’m just annoying?”

Seulgi whined, but Seungwan stuck her head in her room and looked at her critically.

“Don’t overthink it so much. Just imagine poor Y/N being alone in the apartment, without food, totally stressed out and without any form of comfort.”

Her friend’s argument instantly made Seulgi leap to her feet. She was totally right. What if you were spiraling and needed someone to ground you? In lightning speed, Seulgi raided the dorm’s fridge and cupboards and rushed to your apartment with her arms full of snacks.

When you opened the door, your hair was disheveled and dark rings were decorating your eyes. But as soon as you saw her, a smile made its way to your lips and you seemed to be happy to see her.

“Babe! I’ve missed you!”

You exclaimed before wrapping your arms around her neck.

Seulgi sighed in relief, because apparently you weren’t annoyed that she showed up unannounced. With her worries being proven totally unnecessary, she made it her mission to support you as best as possible from now on. After taking a quick glance on your notes though and realizing that your classes were much too difficult for her, she figured that her support had to be unrelated to your studies. Therefore, she made an effort to keep you well fed with snacks instead while you were engrossed in your laptop and notes. Every now and then, however, she also pulled you away and demanded her cuddle sessions that you patiently granted her with a giggle.

“I’m really glad that you came over.”

Seulgi felt her heart flutter and tightened her embrace around you.

“That’s a relief. I was worried that I might only distract you.

She admitted but you shook your head instantly.

“You didn’t. I was stuck in a tunnel and unable to think clearly anymore. But you managed to give me new energy.”

You admitted, making Seulgi grin proudly.

She would make sure that you would never run out of energy from now on.

Wendy

You groaned in annoyance. This was the tenth times you went through your flashcards, but you still couldn’t remember half of the stuff you had written on there.

“Do you need some help?”

Seungwan giggled from beside you as she averted her gaze from her laptop and looked at you.

“I think it’s hopeless. I’m going to fail this final.”

You whined while letting your head fall to the table with a thud, causing your girlfriend to laugh at you.

“Don’t say that baby! Nothing is impossible.”

She stated energetically, but you kept making defeated noises.

“You know what? I’m done with work for the day. I’m going to help you!”

You lifted your head to see that Seungwan’s eyes were sparkling as if a fire was burning inside of them.

“Don’t even bother. I’m just not smart enough for university.”

The past days of studying in vain had drained you and now you just wanted the final to be over, no matter the results. But apparently you were the only one in the room with this point of view.

“Y/N L/N!”

Your girlfriend using your full name with her loud voice, made you straighten up in your chair and look at her with wide eyes.

“I’ve said, I’m going to help you to study and that’s what we’re going to do. We never give up. Have I made myself clear?”

She said with a sharp tone and you nodded hastily.

“Great! Let’s get started then.”

From one second to the other, your girlfriend’s voice softened again, and a smile was playing on her lips. Nevertheless, you didn’t want to test what would happen if you doubted your abilities again. Therefore, you opened your lecture notes and looked at Seungwan expectantly.

Like she had been a teacher all her life, she helped you go through the material of the class. Mostly she gave you tips on how to memorize stuff quicker but sometimes she was even able to explain some things to you. Therefore, you felt prepared for your exam and completely in awe of your girlfriend after a few hours of intense studying. You had always known that she was extremely smart, but after today, you considered whether she was actually highly gifted.

“Do you feel better now?”

Seungwan asked after you had left your books behind and were now cuddled up on the couch.

“Yes, a lot. Thank you for helping me, jagi. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

You planted a quick kiss on her cheek, causing your girlfriend to blush.

“Of course, you could have done it. You’re so incredibly smart, babe. You don’t need to worry all the time. You’ve got this.”

She responded and you felt your heart fluttering in your chest.

Seungwan was the smartest person you knew, so who were you to disagree?

Joy

Sooyoung plopped down on the couch and grabbed her laptop. Once she had turned it on though, she didn’t know what to do. All she wanted to do was to spend some time with you. But you had an assignment to finish that you had been stressing out about for the last week. She had tried her hardest to make your week as enjoyable as possible; cooking for you, giving you massages and buying you little presents. This assignment seemed to be really important to you, so Sooyoung didn’t want to be in the way between you and a good grade. Nevertheless, she hated when you didn’t give her attention.

Just one more week.

Sooyoung thought to herself and tried to focus on the screen. But she couldn't find anything that was a good substitute for you.

“Will you stop whining if I take a break?”

You suddenly asked from across the room, making Sooyoung jump in surprise. For the past two hours you had been completely engrossed in the assignment and hadn’t spoken a word.

“I’m not whining!”

Sooyoung exclaimed offended, but you raised your eyebrows in disagreement.

“Did I?”

She asked sheepishly, causing you to giggle.

“Yes, you’re sighing and groaning for an hour now.”

A faint blush rose to Sooyoung’s cheeks and she looked to the floor in embarrassment. She hadn’t even noticed that she had been making noises all the time.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to distract you. I’m just a little bored, that’s all.”

She apologized, because she really didn’t want to be the one to keep you from studying, but you were already making your way over to her.

“My poor girlfriend who’s always so neglected.”

You said dramatically to tease her when you stood in front of her, before planting kisses all over her face. Sooyoung laughed loudly and pulled you on the couch to wrap her arms around you.

“Ok how about we go out and grab a bite; just an hour, nothing too fancy. And later I’ll help you with your assignment to make up for the lost time?”

Sooyoung proposed because she was really craving some time with you right now but didn’t want to be a bad influence either.

“That sounds like a great plan.”

You smiled and Sooyoung squealed in joy.

Sticking to her promise, she only changed into some casual clothes and took you to a small restaurant down the street. Although you protested, Sooyoung ordered all of your favorite plates and paid for all of it in the end. Of course, the dinner mainly happened because of selfish reasons, but she still wanted you to be completely relaxed and get a clear head again. Therefore, she banned any conversation about your assignment and just tried to create a pleasant evening for the two of you.

As soon as you returned to the apartment though, Sooyoung also stuck to her second promise. She let you go back to work and helped you as best as possible. Now, however, she didn’t mind anymore. She was able to spend some quality time with you. That was all that mattered.

Yeri

Yeri looked at you worriedly. You had been assigned to write a paper with a group, but your partners weren’t reliable, so you had to do all of the work on your own. But a lot of things hadn’t gone as planned and now the deadline was rushing closer at a rapid pace and you weren’t even halfway done with the paper. You had lost sleep because of it and Yeri hated to see you like this. You rushed from your classes to work and as soon as you came home, you started writing. She felt helpless. She wished, she could help you, but she didn’t go to college herself and had no idea what the paper was even about.

Like every day in the past weeks, you were sitting on her bed while typing away on your laptop and Yeri watched you with her heart feeling heavy. You stretched your neck and twisted your face in pain. There needed to be something, she could do.

“Babe...”

She said softly while rising from her seat and walking over to you. Your tired eyes snapped up from the screen and followed her.

“Don’t you think it’s time for a break?”

You instantly shook your head.

“No, I’m still running behind in my schedule.”

“How about you make a new schedule? I still have to prepare some stuff for Yeri Bang. We could work together and every two hours or so we take a break and do something to treat ourselves?”

Yeri proposed and sat down in front of you. You looked at her skeptically, but when she put one of your hands up and kissed your knuckles softly while giving you puppy dog eyes, you sighed in defeat.

“Fine, I guess overworking myself won’t be of any use either.”

You gave in, causing Yeri to tackle you into a hug.

“You’ll be done in no time.”

She smiled before climbing off you and giving you space to work again.

For an hour, you kept working on your paper while Yeri went through the script of the next episode of her reality show. Then, however, the timer that she had set, went off and she leaped to her feet.

“Time’s up! I think, it’s time for ice cream now!”

Yeri grinned and your face actually lit up, causing her to be even happier.

Uncomplainingly you followed her into the kitchen, where she started to fetch all the ingredients.

“Welcome to Yeri’s kitchen! The actual happiest place on earth where all your dreams come true!”

She exclaimed exaggeratedly cheerful, causing you to laugh.

You watched her as she prepared a huge sundae for the two of you with strawberries, whipped cream, cookies and chocolate sauce.

“Easy! Don’t you think that’s enough chocolate?”

Your eyes widened when you saw that Yeri didn’t stop drizzling sauce over the ice cream until it looked like a chocolate fountain.

“You need some serotonin, baby.”

She winked, causing you to shake your head in disbelief.

Together you cuddled up on the couch and devoured the ice cream while forgetting all about the work that both of you needed to do.

“And what will we eat during the next break?”

You asked eventually with a grin and Yeri was quick to answer.

“Pizza!”

She yelled, but you looked at her critically.

“Only if I can choose the toppings. I’m scared of what you will choose.”

You motioned to the sundae and Yeri smirked mischievously.

She wouldn’t leave anything untried to lift your mood.

#red velvet reactions #red velvet #irene #seulgi #wendy #joy #yeri #girl group reactions #girl group #girl group imagines #kpop reactions #kpop

[dustofbrokenheart]

The Lost Boys: A Good Night

Word Count: 2,071

Summary: Sometimes Dwayne feels the need to wander Santa Carla by himself. On one such night, he comes into some money, gets in a fight, and picks up an upgraded bike all while looking good. It’s hard to know how a night will go when it starts, but this one looks like it’s shaping up to be a good one. 

Dwayne had been a calm, passive personality for most of his long life. That’s not to say he didn’t have moments of mischief or violence, because he certainly did both as a human and a vampire. But someone in their gang needed to ground the energy and that was a role he was comfortable filling.

Sometimes he wondered if he would have turned out the same if he had been born different. Maybe he would have been more assertive, or playful, if his brownness wasn’t a factor.

But it wasn’t something he liked to dwell on since wishful thinking never changed anything.

That particular night Dwayne was eager to leave the cave. The other boys were moving slower than usual that evening and he struggled to wait for them. Finally, he made eye contact with David.

“I’ll meet you guys later,” he promised quietly.

David looked at him for a moment then nodded once in assent. Dwayne flew out of the cave’s rocky mouth doing a few aerial flips before reaching the top of the bluff. Still airborne, he closed his eyes and breathed in deeply.

He could no longer enjoy the warmth of the sun on his face, but the feel of the wind playing with his hair and the salty ocean spray that tickled his nose were nice substitutes that he made due with.

The longer hair was a newer development. For the first time since early childhood, he was growing out his hair and the nearly shoulder length strands would his around his face when he flew. He had considered braiding it, or at least tying it back, but figured the length didn’t warrant that quite yet.

Dwayne had also recently become the proud owner of a new motorcycle after he had taken it from a victim about a month back. Seeing as how it was new, he was still in a protective mode towards it and tried his best to take care of it. So when he had wanted to upgrade some parts, he brought it to a mechanic shop to make sure everything was done as right as possible.

He was scheduled to pick it up tonight and he was excited to get it back after missing it for a few days. But before that happened, there was the matter of payment.

There would be more potential targets to choose from at the boardwalk, but most who frequented at this time of night were young people who weren’t exactly rolling in money. On the other hand, there was a ritzy social club just up the street from the boardwalk that was popular with Santa Carla’s upper class.

The stakes were higher, but so was the reward.

And not only was Dwayne a seasoned pickpocket, he was also a professional, which meant success was all but guaranteed. Plus, it sounded like more fun to rip off the rich.

Mind made up, he flew towards the restaurant and dropped down in an unlit alley behind the building, landing with a muted thump. He staked out the parking lot with his arms and hands loose, ready to make a move when opportunity presented itself.

His brown eyes tracked a couple exiting the social club, a young woman in her twenties and an again man with a pronounced gut, the latter pulling a wad of dollar bills from his pocket to hand some to the door boy. He put the money straight back in his jacket pocket instead of using a wallet.

Bingo.

Dwayne stayed back until the couple was a couple of feet away. Squeezing his way between two cars, he sauntered up the lot, making sure he was on the side closest to the man.

In the immediate moment preceding contact, Dwayne curved his body in such a way so as to make sure he would hit as much of the other guy he could. He bumped into him, hard, simultaneously snatching the money from the jacket pocket, faster and lighter than a normal human could sense.

The transaction was over in less than three seconds. Dwayne expertly stashed it in the waist of his jeans then turned, raising both of his hands with open palms to convince the other two that it was an accident.

The man made a surprised noise during the jostling, his eyes focused on Dwayne’s long, dark hair and his buck skin vest. Now that he had a clear look at who had run into him, distain showed on his face. “Never expected to see one of your kind at a place like this. Better watch where you’re walking boy.”

Dwayne’s face remained neutral.

He was dismissed by the couple and they continued onto their car, none-the-wiser that the jacket was lighter than it had been.

Dwayne walked calmly, but purposefully away into the darkened alley to count how much money had lifted. He was pleased to find he now had $60 in his possession.

He smirked at the couple’s car as they drove away. What a bunch of suckers.  

He made sure the cash was secured and wandered down the sidewalk, deciding that he would go to the boardwalk next. Technically, there was still a little time left until he had to pick up his bike, and now that he had some extra cash, he was eager to check out the booths and tables at the boardwalk.

The blinking lights glow fantastically against the black skyline and the joyful screams of riders are audible even before entering official boardwalk limits. This spot has always drawn lots of people, locals and tourists alike, no matter the time.

Dwayne weaved through the thick crowds, which got thicker the further in he went, and found his way to the booths he was interested in. For the most part, they were all lined up in a row on either side of the wooden walkway. The things people were selling were fairly typically—art, clothes, and physic services, to name a few. The jewelry tables featured mostly handmade items that glittered under the streetlight.

One spot in particular, really caught his eye. Dwayne paused while he took in the heishi necklaces made with delicate fragments of shell, shiny silver earrings with bold turquoise pieces, and the selection of intricately beaded chokers.  He looked at everything, picking up the cool ones to properly admire them.

The traditional influences of several tribes were represented: the Navajo, Kewa Pueblo, and Cherokee, among others. Other than the fact that they were North American tribes, there wasn’t any discernable theme that he noticed so the booth likely wasn’t run by someone with ties to a specific group.

He was proven right few moments later.

“The turquoise is really popular right now,” said a young blonde from behind her wispy bangs.

In his mind, Dwayne answered with a sarcastic no shit remark, but all he did on the outside was nod. Turquoise had been an important color, full of spiritual connotations, for the better part of the last couple hundred years in a lot of different tribes.

So, yeah. Popular.

Although, Hendrix wore that beaded fringe shirt with some turquoise to Woodstock last year… maybe the mainstream thought it was a trend.

“Ghost beads are also cool,” she continued. She lifted up a necklace with chunky round beads that were neutrally colored. “They’re supposed to protect you from evil.”

He could use some peace in his life, but he doubted this would help him out considering he was the evil spirit, the ghost, the nightmare, that it was supposed to ward off. Instead, he pointed to a white beaded choker with a turquoise centerpiece.

“What about this one?”

“I’ve had it a while. No ones been that interested in it.”

He rubbed it between the pads of his fingers. It was smooth to the touch and seemed durable when he tested its flexibility. “How much?”

The lady seemed surprised, then contemplative.

“Fifteen dollars,” she said in her best business voice.

Dwayne countered, “How about you accept five and then I’ll take it off your hands.”

She opened her mouth, but made the mistake of looking into his compelling dark irises.  She readily agreed and he handed over a twenty, the smallest bill from his stack of borrowed bills. An illuminated clock post showed that he had fifteen minutes to get to the mechanic garage. He thanked her and left with his change and a brand-new necklace hanging from around his neck.

The flow of traffic had become even more packed in the short time he had been there, especially as he moved closer to the exit. He was nearly out when he accidently bumped into a random guy, this time entirely on accident. He had seen the run-in coming and tried his best to angle out of the way, but with so many people around, his shoulder still clipped the guy in the chest.

Since it was an accident, and because he had somewhere to be, he planned to shake it off and continue on. The other guy didn’t take it well.

Dwayne felt a hand grab his shoulder from behind and was pushed into a small alley between two stores. His back was slammed against the wall, his head taking a pretty good knock. A forearm pressed against his chest.

“Watch where you’re walking!”

It was easy enough to assess the easiest way out of the situation.

“Sorry,” he said quietly, throwing in a noticeable wince for good measure. People like this tended to back off faster if they felt he had learned his lesson.

It was annoying to be waylaid like this, but he kept that emotion absent from his face. He was much stronger than them physically and their attempts to hurt him were barely painful. With any luck, this one would get over it sooner rather than later.

“You should be, you redskin,” he yelled while poking the necklace.

F for creativity.

To stop from rolling his eyes he closed them in mock fear. Redskin was hardly the most creative slur that had ever been hurled at him.

But then the guy had the balls to spit at him.

Dwayne couldn’t stop his jaw from clenching as the spit soaked into his vest. Maybe he did have enough time to take care of this. Before he could make the guy sorry, a bloody hand burst through his soon-to-be-meal’s chest unexpectedly.

The hand retracted and there was confusion on the guy’s face at the gory hole in the center of his chest cavity that was pumping out a steady river of blood. Within seconds the body dropped to the wooden floor, dead.

Marko stood there with his vamped out face, shaking his hand to get some of the flesh out from under his claws.

“Racist dick,” he sneered. He turned to Dwayne, his features melting back to their soft human version.

“Hey man,” he grinned, waving.

Dwayne looked at him unimpressed. “I was taking care of it.”

“I know,” the blond admitted, sucking on his bloody fingers. “But I hate when they talk to you like that.”

Dwayne huffed but didn’t push the issue; the boys were all protective of each other, they were brothers after all, but they were extra sensitive with Dwayne. He appreciated the back-up most of the time, but in this instance, he was a little peeved that he had been robbed the satisfaction of the kill.

He toed the corpse with the bottom of his boot. “You made the mess, then you clean it up.”

Marko pouted but didn’t argue.

Dwayne patted the cash to settle himself. “I have somewhere to be.”

“Go. I got it. And don’t worry, we’ll find you someone to eat,” Marko waved him off.

He slapped the blonde vampire on the shoulder and left him to it.

A small bell jingled when he pushed the door open to the front office of the garage. A teenager with kinky hair was working the desk. He pointed at Dwayne’s choker.

“Cool necklace,” he complimented genuinely.  

Dwayne nodded his head in thanks and watched the kid go bring the motorcycle out front.

The night was shaping up to be a pretty good one. He was getting his bike back, his new jewelry looked good, and his friends would have someone waiting from his to eat when he joined back up with them. 

Yeah. A pretty good night indeed. 

_______________

Thanks for reading!

I wanted to get this out in November since it’s Indigenous Heritage Month and a decent amount of fans headcannon Dwayne as being Native. Or at least not strictly white. Tribes had a Red Power Movement following Civil Rights era so I imagine this sometime in 1970. 

Also partly inspired by how the boys jumped to defend Dwayne in the opening scene of the movie. 

#the lost boys #the lost boys dwayne #imagines

[arcanescholar]

Hard to Find the Right Words Ch. 2

Omori Post True Good Ending Spoilers. Chapter 1 here

Sometimes you just need to vibe with your friend(?)

The sun hung high and beat down with its telltale brutal heat with not a cloud in the sky to block its fury. Summer was starting to reach its full swing and god damn it she did not wanna put up with the judgy sky orb’s bullshit today. Ugh, riding out to the hospital on her bike at night trying to follow the ambulance’s route was a pain in the ass already that left her legs feeling way too damn sore, and piling on with this was just over kill damn it.

… Huh. Shit, that’s probably why her knees gave out back in Basil’s hospital room. Come to think of it, damn, she should’ve snagged some bandages while she was there, they were all in Sunny’s pocket-

She screeches to a halt, barely stopping herself from running smack into some younger elementary school kids that take one look at her haggard, emotionally exhausted expression and…

Scream.

Then run away, tripping over themselves because the scary nail-bat lady was here to eat their faces.

…

After a bit of fumbling, she yanks her phone out of her pocket and turns the busted front facing camera on to take a better look at her face…

She slept on a visitor’s couch last night, hadn’t had breakfast, just went through one of the most emotionally harrowing nights of her life, then one of the most emotionally harrowing mornings, and now just did what felt like a half and hour of hard pedaling to make it to her planned meet up with Kim cause her sense of time estimation fucking sucks.

“… I look terrible, ugh.”

First thing she’s gonna do, she thinks, is dunk her sore legs in a lake once she gets to the park, but before that, she takes off her jacket, tying the sleeves tight around her waist, leaving her in her favorite crop top to vent some heat off before getting back to pedaling.

The rest of the ride is a bit easier thankfully, a familiar coast through familiar streets and under familiar trees with familiar shade. She passes by the curb that the group first comforted her on along the way, past where she had her picture taken in her favorite coat and decided that she wanted to dye her hair pink one day, past where Kim first snagged her by the hand and dragged her along to meet the Hooligans-

Haahhh…

She coasts down a small hill, letting the bike carry her where it pleases for a bit, hair billowing behind her, standing up a bit on its aged frame and just letting the moment wash over her. She wishes she didn’t leave her headphones at home, this was a pretty perfect moment to just play something dramatic y’know?

But, the ride eventually comes to a stop, as she arrives at the park. The kids were already playing out in force, and that nice garbage collector lady was set up with her stand like always, but Aubrey didn’t have time to snag much extra cash, she was already late for meeting up with Kim by like ten minutes-

“Aubreeeeeey!”

Speak of the devil

“Hah… Hah… Hah…!”

Kim struggles over on her bike, panting for breath-

“Hey.”

“Sorry…! Mikhael- uh, the MAVERICK got in trouble with some girls he was supposed to pay cause he forgot he left his wallet at home so I had to bike back and forth to snag it for him, or else he would’ve followed me here whining the whole time! I’m not too late am I?”

“Nah, I just showed up too.”

“So, uh…! What did you wanna do?”

“…”

Aubrey turns without a word, stepping off of her bike and walking to the back of the park, shuffling her way across the verdant, well kept grass.

Come to think of it, there was way less trash around than before, and with how much she saw Sunny running around town…

Jeez, did he really pick up most of this with Kel? Damn pair of goody two shoes-

Is what she almost thinks, but, after the past few days, it’s kind of hard for her to really make fun of them for it. It’s honestly kind of impressive.

She remembers how many flowers were set up in Sunny’s hospital room in that moment while they waited for him to wake up… How many well wishes and thank you notes sprawled across the tables and some even on the floor itself because of how much space was taken up. For a boy that hadn’t shown his face in maybe four years, that looked like he hadn’t had a decent meal in just about as long, that seemed more like a mystery than an actual person, he really…

…

Was it really good? Was it something he did out of kindness? Was it one last hurrah to try to apologize for what he did to Mari? Aubrey can’t wrap her head around his headspace, and that thought is enough to make her punch her hand against a tree with enough force to shake its leaves… That or the breeze was really well timed-

“Aubreeeey…! I can’t help out if you don’t even talk to me y’know!”

Kim grumbles as she manages to catch up, walking alongside her best friend with the canopy of trees overhead shading them from the sunlight.

As Aubrey turns her head, she takes a moment to stare at her friend, watching the way the sunlight dances across her skin as it peeks out from the trees to light her up the way her smile lit up Aubrey’s worst days.

Kim’s expression was that perfect mix of annoyed and genuinely worried, the kind that makes you feel bad for bringing up a problem in the first place but yanks all your guts out onto the floor to get it settled already, her eyes resolute and determined to get to the bottom of what was happening. Was this her way of apologizing for leaving her behind with Sunny, Kel, and Basil at the lake…?

“… Hhhffffhhhit’sallfuckedup.” Aubrey finally groans, stepping forward into the hidden spot behind the park, the lake’s water glistening in the sunlight, the old statue’s flowers swaying in the breeze, and the same abandoned picnic basket and blanket. Someone really needs to clean that up damn it, but, the blanket makes for a nice place to sit kinda.

She dumps her bike off to the side with more force than she means to, Kim following suit. The pair share a quick look and a nod of understanding before popping off their shoes, their socks, rolling up pants legs in Kim’s case.

They walk together and sit by the edge of the lake, leaving the stuff they took off to the side, dumped carelessly in the grass, dunking their legs into the cool water with a harmonized sigh of relief, a mirrored gesture of leaning back to rest their palms against the grass before flopping onto their backs in near perfect sync, and finally taking in a deep breath to just bring themselves back into the moment.

Without a word, Kim pulls out her phone and a pair of headphones, offering one up to Aubrey that she takes with no hesitation, stuffing it into her ear and staring up at the clouds as music plays loud enough to hear but quiet enough to just let them… Vibe, is the word they’d both use for it.

For a few minutes they lay there, sharing a song, a mellow guitar and the tapping of a drumstick against a closed hi-hat washing over them.

The beach might be out of their reach right now, but sound waves’ll make a good substitute.

Kurayami de yorisou hibi

“… Sunny lost his eye.”

“Holy shit…”

Bokura ni wa beddo mo nai

“Dunno if Basil’s woken up yet either, but… Sunny told us, a little bit about what happened when Mari died.”

“…”

Nai kedo…

“… Sorry I’ve been so cagey and quiet and stuff lately.” She murmurs, rolling over onto her side to look at Kim more properly, her friend rolling over too, her glasses getting shoved slightly till she just takes them off and sets them off to the side.

“I dunno what’s goin’ on but it seems like it’s really heavy… After what went on with your mom and dad though? Feels like you can tell me… well… Just about anything right? After you shut us out and I had to call those three over to your place I started really worrying you were gonna dip back into a screwed up place again.”

“… Gonna be honest… I almost was.”

Kimi waaaa, ima tashika niii-

“But?”

“… But, I managed to realize some important stuff, I think. About… About Mari. About Sunny, Kel, Hero, you, all of our friends.”

Soba de…!

“… I missed them so much it hurt. I missed everything so much that it ached.”

Hohoemu

“And, when I couldn’t do anything about that ache, I turned that anger out on nearly everything around me. If it weren’t for you and the other Hooligans I think I would’ve turned out even worse…”

“Aubrey…”

Sawarasetari shinai

Kurutta koi to

Sashichigaete mo ii nda

Zenbu uketomeru

“… Sunny pushed Mari down the stairs of their home in the middle of a huge argument between them after he broke his violin.” She murmurs, tears starting to trickle down her face, cresting over the bridge of her nose and spilling onto the grass and dirt.

“Holy shit-“

“But… I… No matter what I do I just can’t think to be mad at him anymore.”

Beautiful morning with you

Itsuka, utaitai na

Beautiful morning with you

Kimi to hikari abite

“After I pushed Basil into a lake… Kicked off this whole mess of yesterday and today, I guess it made me realize how precious stuff is.”

“How do you mean?”

“That like… If Basil died right there… And Sunny with him? If he and Sunny drowned in the lake, even if I somehow ‘got away with it’, I’d… I don’t think I’d be able to live with myself.”

“…”

“When it happened I was so freaked out I couldn’t even move, let alone try to rescue him. My head twisted to all sorts of places, like, what should I do to get away if they both die. About how I’d have to run away from town, dye my hair a different color, get as far as I can and never look back.”

Sabishisa wa teguchi wo kae

“That’s… heavy.” Kim murmurs, finding it hard to bring herself to say anything else, but…

Maybe, in a moment like this, there’s nothing she could say. Nothing she could do, except be here in this moment to be someone Aubrey could talk to, reaching out in a moment of vulnerable affection to squeeze her close, one hand resting at the small of her back, and the other pressing against the back of her head, running her fingers through the girl’s hair…

Nando demo ai ni kuru

“So, I guess I get it now. Why he hid away in his home for so many years. Why he took so long to tell us until it exploded like that. Why they did something so… dumbfuck stupid like trying to make it look like Mari killed herself… I get it cause, I think I would’ve done the same thing if we weren’t lucky and had Hero there to save them both, and hating Sunny over it would make me a hypocrite.”

“And we both know how much you hate those…”

Kuru kedo

Futari ikudo to naku

“… I’m gonna try to be better than I was a few days ago. Better than I was a few years ago. Maybe this is just me trying to make excuses and wriggle my way out of the dumb stuff I’ve done but, I want to be there for them the way you were there for me. The way you and the others were, when I had nowhere else to go, so… Thanks Kim.”

“Heh… S’ what I’m here for Aubrey.”

Koko de unadzuite

The pair hold up their hands, and bump their fists in time with the song’s beat picking up, and just in time for-

“AH! There they are! Hahahaha, of course THE MAVERICK would know the right way-”

“Hey sis! Jeez, where were you two, we were wondering what happened!”

“Yeah! Did that smelly Kel and weird Mystery Boy with the knife do something to you after all?! I’ll give ‘em a dropkick that’ll send ‘em flying!”

“… sorry, t-that we weren’t there when… things went really bad…”

Furimuitari sinai

Sodatta ai ni!

Kizusuitatte ii nda

Mou

Modoranai

The Hooligans damn near bum rush the pair, dog piling on them both with muffled shouts in faux-protest as the group becomes a tangled mess of limbs, laughs, and little room for escape.

Beautiful morning with you!

Itsuka! Wakaritai na!

Beautiful morning with you

Bokura umarete kita koto!

“Hey, hey, Charlene brought some egg sandwiches from home that her mom made-” Angel grins at the top of the pile, resting on his side and supporting his head with his hand.

“M-mh… Um… I… had a feeling you missed breakfast again, so, I got worried… I was gonna bring them to the hospital but… when I called to ask where you were they said you were gone…” Charlene explains with her usual quiet voice, this time tinged with affection and worry as she… stands off to the side, feeling a bit too self conscious to dog pile but still holding both Kim and Aubrey’s hands.

“Yeah… After what happened with Basil by the lake and the stuff that went down at his place with him and the other guy, and that day you weren’t answering your door, all of us sorta got together and talked a bit…” Vance continued, directly hugging the pair of girls with a big, doofy grin.

“And of course, I, in my infinite wisdom as The Maverick made the wonderful declaration that we reaffirm our bond as the glorious, Hellacious Hooligans of Faraway Town! Our bonds of brother and sisterhood won’t be shaken like that again, this, I promise! What do you think ladies? Falling for me yet?~”

“shpk lke thhgh hhhhghnn nhhh whhll kll yu-”

“Hmmm? Say that again Aubrey?”

Vance shuffles off just enough to let the girls breathe again, the pair simultaneously sucking in a breath before shouting at the same time with big grins on their faces.

“”Speak like that again and we’ll kill ya!””

In the tackle-hugging dog pile rush, Kim’s headphones got unplugged, and the play button on the song got butt-pressed while it was auto based, but as the Maverick lets loose a yelp and topples off of the pile with only Charlene to catch him, with a laugh from the rest of the group, the rest of the song they were listening to finally gets to finish.

Promises like these might not always stand the test of time, Aubrey knew that for a fact. They can wither and fail and break and shatter in your hands faster than she can blink, but now…?

Beautiful morning with you

Itsuka, utaitai na

Beautiful morning with you

Kimi to hikari abite

Beautiful morning with you!

Isumo, kanjitai na!

Beautiful morning with you!!!

Kimi to, deaeta koto!

Now she kinda understands why Kel was so damn determined.

Even if it doesn’t last forever, even if it doesn’t work out, moments like this are worth fighting for.

She just wishes, in some part of her chest, that it hadn’t taken her so long to realize…

… … …

The hours pass, the sun raises as high as it can be before finally beginning its descent. The rest of Aubrey’s morning and afternoon was spent talking with her friends, practicing her bat swing on any random tree branches they could snap off and throw. Turns out Angel was nice enough to snag her bat for her on the way over too, and Bun-Bun…

Well, Charlene barely fit through the ladder hatch, but, Bun-Bun had a nice, temporary home at her place while Aubrey had to manage everything that happened last night and couldn’t go home to check on her and play with her. It’s a good thing she’s so gentle.

Against her better instincts, she uses her phone’s crappy, busted-ass camera to snag a picture here and there as they spend the day.

Angel and THE MAVERICK practicing dumb poses at each other, Charlene crouching nearby some flowers to see whether or not she wanted to pick them or leave them be to grow on their own, Vance and Kim getting into thumb wrestling matches to figure out how they’d split the last of their candy haul…

They were messy, unprofessional, usually badly focused, and the camera’s issues made it difficult as shit to call them anything close to “good”, but, they were hers…

And as the sun dredged low, and as the group had to split up to go back to their parents’ places for dinner time, that was good enough.

Kim and Aubrey are the last pair left alone once everything is said and done for the day, standing next to their respective rides as the distant laughs, jokes, and banter of the rest of the group echo out into the distance.

“… Hey Kim? ‘Fore I go… I just…”

“Yeah, Aubrey?”

“… Thanks. For spending time with me today. For the music and stuff too.”

“I had a feeling you forgot your headphones with everything that happened. Glad I turned out to be right!~”

“… Yeah…”

“Hey, one last thing before we split off for the day!”

“Huh- Eh?!”

With barely any time to react, Kim sweeps an arm around Aubrey, squeezing he close and tight while lifting her own phone up into the air, the relatively undamaged thing snapping a picture of Kim sticking her tongue out and Aubrey’s shocked, red faced blush at being hugged outta nowhere like that before Kim gives the barely taller girl a big squeezing hug, stuffing her phone into her pocket and damn near lifting Aubrey off the ground.

“Picture for picture, send me some of the stuff you tried to sneak pictures of!~ And... I’m not gonna make the same mistake of leavin’ you to deal with all that alone again, okay? I’m still not good at this kinda nerdy touchy feely feelings stuff, but…”

She pulls away, pushing up her glasses with one hand and scratching the back of her head with the other in an attempt to hide her blush at trying to throw up this kind of bravado outta nowhere-

“Th… The candy doesn’t taste right, if you’re not happy, or something!”

“… Kim that might be the cheesiest shit you’ve ever said in your life..”

“Hey-”

“But… Thank you. I think… I’ll be fine, just for now. If anything else comes up, I’ll tell you, okay? Right now, I gotta meet up with Kel and follow up with him on what we’re supposed to do next.”

“Best of luck with your mission, comrade.”

The pair smack their hands together for a firm high five before going their separate ways.

For now…

She had some god damn pizza to get, and a guy too lovably foolish to give up on people to share it with.

#omori #omori aubrey #aubrey focused #kim omori #spoilers #omori spoilers #omori good ending #omori good ending spoilers #what the fuck i've never written this much this consistently in a while why- #bonus points to whoever knows what the fuck they're listening to #but tbh googling lyrics is easy so #probably just like one point or some shit #fanfic #omori fanfic #hard to find the right words #chapter 2

[masked-buffoon]

Chapter 13: Filled emptiness (Part 5)

Warnings: addiction (+ withdrawal), mentions of assault, mentions of murder

Author notes: and here is the last part of the chapter...! I really hoped you liked it and that there was no drop in quality compared to the previous ones... That’s honestly my greatest fear about chapter 13... (and having Dazai OOC too...) For the moment, see you in the next chapter, which, hopefully, will come out soon! Thank you all for your support!

"He was deaf-mute?" Dazai asked.

Unable to calm down, even after going back to the Armed Detective Agency and spending an afternoon to type the report, I had decided to spend the evening with him, despite having my own place. My time at the police station had been so stressful that the entire box of morphine substitute had been emptied throughout the rest of the day.

"Yes…! And those idiots did not even notice it…" I groaned, angrily frying vegetables in the pan.

Uemura-san had sent me a text with a new recipe, and I had suggested to my friend to cook for him, for a change. Without much enthusiasm, he had accepted, even if it meant giving up on crab for a meal.

"Policemen these days are so unreliable~" He noted "But I can't believe that would make you so flustered~"

"... One of them dared me to read his mind…" I muttered, blushing again "I… It was disgusting, really…"

I shivered, suddenly feeling cold, and images of the man who had bought me five years ago flashed in my mind. I regained consciousness just before dropping my chopsticks, and shook my head. Nothing had happened… There was no reason for me to be scared of a man I could crush with a single punch, anyway…

"Ogawa? Are you alright?" He inquired, noticing my silence.

"Yes!" I hastily replied "I'm fine, it's nothing. I had a hard day, and I kinda miss morphine… The aftereffects of my therapy, I suppose."

"... I see."

I could easily see that he had guessed my concerns, and, perhaps innerly, I wished he would insist more, show me he really did care, somehow… Instead, I put on my brightest smile and lied, saying I was alright. I could not fool him, then why did he not ask me again, tell me that he knew, and that I should just talk to him…? No, if I really wanted to talk, I should just do so, anyway… It was not his fault. He was actually being considerate by not pushing the matter further. I should be grateful… Yet…

A wave of nausea hit me, and I rushed to the bathroom, feeling unable to hold it in. I ended up throwing up violently, my entire body shaking. That was different from when I was suffering from my ability. I could tell that this nausea had purely been provoked by the lack of morphine. I was craving it, unused not to have the familiar product circulating in my veins. Moreover…

"Are you alright, Ogawa…?"

I heard him lean onto the doorframe. He was there, watching, and I felt ashamed to give him such an unsightly show. I thought I could even cry in embarrassment.

"I'm…" I paused, spasming "I'm fine… Just…"

I threw up again.

"... The therapy… I crave… Morphine…"

"I know…"

Was that all…? He knew…? Then what…? I bit the inside of my cheeks. I could not let myself be influenced by the Fox's words. He was my friend, I knew him better than the informer ever would…

"Do you know what would do you some good?" He asked, coming closer to hold my hair back for me.

"... What would…?" I questioned after vomiting yet again.

"A warm bath." He smiled and patted my back slightly "I'll pour one for you."

"W-Will you…?" I tried to face him.

"Sure, why not? Oh, by the way, I turned the fire off. Your vegetables would have burnt otherwise~"

"Thank you, Dazai…" I cracked a smile "Thank you…"

"H-Hey, what are you — Ogawa…" He sighed "Crying again, aren't you…?"

"N-No, that's…" I sniffed "Mood swings… They're an aftereffect… Too…"

"Mmh, of course. An aftereffect…"

As promised, Dazai poured me a warm bath, before leaving the bathroom to give me some privacy. The water felt agreeable against my bare skin, and I soaked myself entirely in it, finally able to relax after that tiresome day. How could I have shown such a shameful part of myself? Although mood swings really were part of the withdrawal syndrome I was suffering from, I could not use them as an excuse to justify my weird behaviour.

"Ogawa, are you sleeping?" My friend's voice echoed from behind the door.

"Who sleeps in a bath?" I retorted playfully.

"At least, you seem a lot better."

I heard him slump against the door. He was most certainly sitting there, without saying a word.

"Dazai… Are you alright…?" I asked him.

"I am. But you should worry about yourself a bit more… I'm not the one suffering from withdrawal." He said.

"No, but you're still grieving your friend. You haven't been to work for two days. Kunikida has most likely given up." I giggled "I am just concerned about you…"

"You mustn't be." He told me, rather curtly "I cannot return that concern properly, anyway…"

I sighed.

"How much have you heard from my talk with the Fox?"

His silence followed, and I understood he had been aware of most parts of our discussion. I shifted in the water to lean on the edge, facing the door.

"Then, you must know I disagreed with him."

"You did… But I know all of that. I know I'm turned towards Odasaku and that I tend to overlook matters about you… I know I'm not an ideal friend, despite being the one asking you to stay by my side… And you… You comply with each of my whims, going as far as putting your own health aside…" He almost murmured by the end.

"That's because I do care about you." I smiled, although he could not see it "Besides, you gave me your coat, that morning. You always give me your coat when I feel bad…"

I paused, chuckling at the memories.

"Even when you were still my abusive superior, you had given me your coat to protect me from the rain, the day I had killed my parents…"

"I remember…" He chuckled, too "I even thought, at the moment, that you looked small, frail, and weak… You had nothing to do with a murderer."

"Frail and weak…? Despite all of my efforts to look tough…? I'm disappointed…!" I pouted.

"Well, that's also the reason why you're often… Taken advantage of." He sighed.

"Men are gross creatures." I huffed "I can't count the number of times I've been looked down at, or assaulted. I'm used to it, now. But reading that pig's thoughts took me aback, I have to admit it…"

"I could easily guess that. What amazes me, though, is the fact that, despite that, you're taking a bath at my place without a second of hesitation." He noted.

"That's because you're my friend. You've seen me in all sorts of situations, I know I can trust you. Am I wrong to do so~?"

"Well, I'm flattered." He sounded amused.

"Why, despite surely fooling around and acting as a womaniser, I know you're not perverted."

The water had cooled down, which was my signal to come out of my bath. With a towel, I dried myself, before reaching for my clothes. They were gone.

"Dazai, what did you do with my things?"

"Yosano-sensei came by earlier, looking for you~ I told you though, that you had drifted off in the bath~" He laughed "She asked me to, as she said, "burn the rags you use to cover yourself"... Pretty harsh, if you want my opinion~"

"Is she serious…? Really, now…!" I groaned "I suppose she brought over my new set of clothes…"

"Well… Not at all. She just demanded me to lend you a shirt for tonight, but she expects you to wear her gift~"

"For goodness' sake…"

My eyes fell onto the shirt he had put nearby. I had first thought that he had forgotten his there, but it turned out he had left it on purpose in the bathroom… I sighed.

His shirt was too big for me, as predicted, but it was vexing to notice it was covering a large part of my body. Was I, indeed, so small and frail…?

"Thanks…" I told him when I went out of the bathroom.

"No need to." He smiled "Do you want to keep working on your vegetables?"

I had completely forgotten about the dinner I was supposed to prepare.

"It's a bit late, but… Do you want to try it out?"

"I already promised I would." He sat down at the table.

"Then, I hope you won't regret it~ It can't be worse than the hard tofu you made, anyway…" I remembered "Sakaguchi-san hated it, and Odasaku was trying to be as polite as possible…!"

"It was a piece of art…!" He defended.

"It was a blunt weapon, Dazai… In fact, we couldn't even taste it." I giggled, putting a plate in front of him.

"Thanks~ Well, that tofu could have been a secret weapon of the Port Mafia… Imagine, killing enemies by throwing tofu on them…~!"

"That would have ruined our reputation…!" I laughed.

I believed the vegetables were cooked enough, perhaps even too much, for they had lost their crunchiness. Or was it because I had been away too long…? Next time, I would have to be more mindful of that… And perhaps I should add more salt…

"By the way…" Dazai said "You're leaving for Hokkaido?"

"Ah, yes…!" I realised I had not told him about it "The Fox requested my help as a detective."

"I see… That's good. Moreover, since it's summer, it won't be cold."

"That's right… It will be my first time leaving Yokohama…! I'm a bit excited about it…"

"Will it be alright, with your therapy?"

"It will. Don't worry about —"

I paused. Yosano-sensei had advised me against staying alone while receiving treatment for my addiction. I had an idea.

"Dazai… Won't you come with me to Hokkaido?" I suggested.

The smile which enlightened his face warmed my heart at the same time, and I knew I had made the right choice by asking him. His sincerity was a rare sight to witness… It was not a wrong path to walk down, making him happy, after all.

#bsd #bsd fanfic #bsd dazai #bsd yosano #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs oc #Dazai Osamu

[esterexpsito]

rebelu & 11 + 14 👁👄👁 (also ilu)

11) things you said when you were drunk & 14) things you said after you kissed me // rebelu

Lu has no idea what the fuck she’s doing here. She just knows that she could have thrown a hell of a better party.

Don’t get her wrong, the other people here seem to be enjoying themselves enough. It’s just... off-brand potato chips, really? A keg? She isn’t sure if this is just a standard for college parties or American ones in general, but she has certainly put together something way more worthwhile than what’s going on in this cramped apartment at sixteen years old, and with less than a week’s notice, at that. Fuck, that Valentine’s Party she threw her last year at Las Encinas was classier than this shit, and that was truly a disaster. At least she’s in a penthouse and not one of the dorms on campus. She could shudder with just the thought.

Still. You’d figure someone who lives in a top-floor apartment in Manhattan could go for the brand-name chips—or actual food, honestly. She’s fucking starving.

This brings her back to the question of “what the fuck am I even doing here?” that she had asked herself two minutes ago. Because she could easily be sharing a veggie pizza with Nadia back in their own dorm, or maybe even splitting the leftovers from the meal Iman had made for them when she, Yusuf, and Omar came to visit last week. But no. She’s here. At this random party she’d heard about from a girl in her Economics class who heard about it from a frat boy she’s apparently screwing. And she doesn’t even have Nadia here with her, because Nadia has a quiz on Foreign Policy on Monday that she needs to study for, or else the world is going to end.

(It’s times like this where she misses Carla. Carla would’ve said fuck it, gone out with her tonight, and then probably would have gotten a passable grade, anyway. Not that she’s comparing them or anything. She loves Nadia, of course, she just—fuck. She misses Carla a lot, okay?)

Lu’s at least self-aware enough to not blame how she doesn’t know anybody here solely on Nadia, because even though Nadia was too busy, she decided to come anyway. She just needed a break from everything. From school, from the stupid fucking traumatic memories that still manage to creep in three years after the fact, from the occasional bout of missing her parents. So she decided to take an old page out of her brother’s book. What’s a better way to forget than to drink her problems away?

Of course, the old Valerio would also add in drugs and sex to that cocktail. The new Valerio would still throw in the latter, but substitute the weed and cocaine for self-help books and whatever other Eat-Pray-Love bullshit he’s been on lately. Possibly energy crystals. And incense.

Lu isn’t interested in any of that, though; not even the sex. That leaves her leaning against a wall with a Solo cup full of alcohol and sending intimidating glares to whatever men who have the audacity to approach her. The unimpressed, arched eyebrow and condescending curve to her lips is practiced, and it works.

For the most part.

“Hey, what’s your name?”

He’s bland. That’s what she immediately notes about him. Next, his after shave is way too overpowering, and the type that, in her experience, assholes prefer (Guzmán used to wear a similar scent before she passive aggressively bought him something far better, and the fact that this man instantly reminds her of those days is already a warning sign). After that, he is very, very drunk, which is why her glare hadn’t properly worked on him.

She tries for blatant disregard; gives him a little once over and scoffs. “I don’t think so.”

“That’s a long name,” he slurs with a grin. She rolls her eyes. He leans in closer, arm braced above her head on the wall. Even though she’s in heels, he’s still taller than her, and she hates the caged-in feeling crawling up her spine.

Lu scowls and pushes him away with two fingers against his chest, beginning to step past him. “Excuse me.”

“No, no, hey, wait,” he says, catching her by the wrist. His fingers are clammy. Tight. Hurting. “Where you going? Don’t leave.”

“Don’t fucking touch—”

As soon as she yanks her arm free from his grasp, a foreign one lands on her shoulders. Lu startles in indignation, but she’s also admittedly a little panicked—and then the new person speaks.

“I’ve been looking all over for you, baby.”

It takes Lu a second to register that that sentence is directed to her. And even though she knows exactly what’s going on, even though she’s more than a little thankful for the save, she still instinctively bristles, because she has never once liked the way this woman has called her baby.

Based on the way Rebe crookedly smirks back when Lu narrows her eyes at her, the taller girl remembers.

“Who��s this guy?” She goes on, and nods her head in indication at him. It’s definitely a rhetorical question, because she glances him over and scoffs a mocking laugh. “Get lost, dude. She’s not interested.”

He bristles. “Who the fuck are you?”

“Her girlfriend.” Lu doesn’t twitch, but she does feel the skin around her eyes go tight. “So, like I said, beat it.”

“There’s no way a girl this hot is—”

Lu knows from experience what Rebe looks like when she wants to hit someone.

But Lu is not a damsel in distress, thank you very much. And neither is she that brutish.

“If it hasn’t been obvious since the moment you walked up to me, I want nothing to do with your little shrimp dick,” she replies, tone even and unaffected where her smile is deep-cutting and mean. For added measure, she leans into Rebe’s side and grasps the hand that’s hanging over her shoulder, pulling her arm tighter around her. “Now walk away unless you want to lose it.”

He’s drunk, and therefore, unpredictable. He could drop it and leave just as easily as he could get violent—which, considering he’s an intoxicated man who just had his penis insulted, is probably the more viable option. But before he can act, another guy claps his hand on the guy’s shoulder tight enough to unmistakably be a warning, and then shoulders his way between the three of them with a wide smile directed at both of the girls.

“Hey, don’t mind him, he’s trashed.” The guy behind him opens his mouth. The newcomer fixes him with a glare that clearly means shut up, then smiles at Rebe and Lu again. “Sorry. We’re all good here, yeah?”

Rebe looks to Lu for confirmation. When she nods, the taller girl nods too, and offers him a controlled smile of her own. “Yeah. We’re good.”

Without another word, the guy manhandles his friend away.

“I’m not gonna lie, I was kind of looking forward to beating his face in,” Rebe says as they watch them disappear into the crowd.

The words are said almost directly into Lu’s ear, and it’s then that she belatedly realizes how the other girl is still holding her. Lu makes a face before she can help it and sucks her teeth, shoving Rebe’s arm off of her and immediately putting space between them even though she was the one who had leaned further in. For show. Obviously.

She fights the urge to fix her dress—there’s nothing to fix.

Rebe just looks her over in that amused way she does. Or did, because it’s been three years since Lu last saw her.

“Well, fuck, you’re welcome,” Rebe continues unaffectedly.

“What are you even doing here?”

The girl shrugs. “It’s a Friday night, this is a party...”

“You know what I mean,” Lu counters, annoyed. Rebe is supposed to be in Spain. Or, at least, not in New York.

“I’m taking a gap year.”

Lu half-squints at her. “You graduated two years ago.”

“So, two gap years, whatever,” Rebe says. “I’ve been traveling on-and-off. I’d never been to America before. Los Angeles was first; kind of frilly. Vegas; fun for one night, then boring. New York’s my last stop before I head back home.”

Lu regards her for a moment. “Did Nadia send you here?”

If she did and didn’t even have the decency to tag along, Lu might have to reevaluate just how much she loves the other girl.

“Nadia doesn’t even know I’m in town yet.” It’s sort of driving Lu crazy how Rebe won’t stop eyeing her, even though she’s well-aware that looking at someone is typically what you do when you’re talking to them. But with Rebe, it’s always gotten a little under her skin. “Anyway. It was nice seeing you and all, Barbie.”

Rebe starts to turn away from her.

Before she even realizes it, Lu’s reaching out and touching her elbow.

“Wait.” She hates how unsure she sounds, so she raises her chin a little with her next words, even if they really don’t warrant the movement. “You’re the only person I know here.”

“And?” Rebe prompts, raising an eyebrow.

“And,” Lu continues, tone begrudging, “from what I remember, you’re not the worst person to party with.”

Rebe stares. Then a slow smirk spreads across her purple-painted lips, and she resignedly shakes her head at herself.

“Fucking hell, I’m definitely going to regret this. But,” and she steps closer again, close enough to peer down into the cup still clutched in Lu’s hand, and Lu hopes to God that she doesn’t see how her fingers tighten around the plastic, just a little bit, “What are you drinking?”

*

Almost four rum and cokes later, Lu is nearly as wasted as the shrimp-dick had been. Under any other circumstances, this would mean that her plan to forget is going off without a hitch—except she’s with Rebe. And Rebe is a fixture from her past, and all that entails.

Meaning, it’s impossible to avoid talking about at least some of it.

“You keep in contact with anyone? You know, besides the obvious.”

They’re in some random person’s bedroom; the first vacant one they could find after drunkenly stumbling their way down the hall, legs shaky from a combination of laughter and dancing for the past hour. The door they had opened before this one led to another bedroom occupied by two girls making out on the bed.

At Rebe’s question, Lu purses her lips at the ceiling.

“Carla, mostly. But through text or FaceTime, we haven’t really actually seen each other.”

“Ah. And how’s the little marchioness doing, these days?”

“Don’t you talk to Samu?”

“Do you ask Nadia about Guzmán?”

It’s not like she and Guzmán are on bad terms, or that she’s bitter about how him and her current best friend-slash-roommate are tentatively together. Definitely not. She just likes to forget the fact that she actually had dated him, hurt over him, and hurt others over him, too. However—

“Fair point,” she concedes. “Carla’s fine. Busy. Do you actually care?”

“I don’t hold grudges, you know?” Rebe shrugs against the mattress. “That’s your thing, babe.”

The pet names. They haven’t stopped at all, even though there’s no drunken asshole here to keep up pretenses for. She blames the fact that they aren’t irritating her as much as they normally (used to) do on the rum.

“If you think I haven’t changed at all over the years, you’re severely underestimating me.”

“I have never underestimated you,” Rebe scoffs. “Besides, you haven’t changed that much. You’re still fun—you know, in that bitchy sort of way.”

Lu resists the urge to playfully slap her on the shoulder. “You thought I was fun?”

“When you weren’t trying so hard to be stuck up, sure,” Rebe says. “You can’t be related to Valerio and be boring at the same time.”

“He could have gotten that from his mom’s side,” Lu says neutrally, eyeing her.

“Nah. There’s something in you that’s a little wild. And no matter how much time you spend taming it, you like when it gets out.”

The thing about rum is that it has always made Lu extremely reckless, which is why she has, in turn, always stayed away from it.

The thing about Rebe is that she’s right.

Lu has no idea what’s going on in her head as she curls her fingers against Rebe’s jawline and pulls at the same time as she leans forward and eliminates the gap between them. Maybe she’s still thinking about those two girls just one room over, maybe she’s remembering all the times in school when she would find herself both pissed off and weirdly turned on by her and Rebe’s little cat fights. Maybe she’s scratching an itch that part of her has known has always been there from the moment they met, buried beneath jealousy and so much fucking repression towards her own sexuality, it’s no wonder she never acted on it sooner.

The kiss is reminiscent of almost all of their previous interactions with one another. Aggressive, sly, vaguely mean. But there’s something different—there’s the softness of Rebe’s skin, the lingering taste of mint in her mouth even though she’s had just as much to drink as Lu has, the way she drags her hand down Lu’s side and flexes her fingers against the sequins of her dress.

All of that sort of freaks her out for a little bit, and Lu has half a mind to put them back on normal ground by biting her lip, but then Rebe pulls back. She’s looking at her in that infuriating way again, that way that Lu doesn’t really hate as much as she pretends she does.

Lu realizes it’s a look full of equal parts calculation and consideration. In spite of her background, the friends—Samu—she likes to keep, and everything Lu has ever said about her, Rebe isn’t actually stupid.

Stupid has never been Lu’s type. She likes...

Well, she likes brutish. The push-and-pull. And she and Rebe have always been great at that.

“Shit, maybe you have changed, after all,” Rebe comments, smirking at her, and Lu has no idea why the fuck she sounds so smug.

She kisses her again instead of trying to figure it out.

#I LOVE UUUUU HOPE YOU LIKE IT #answered

[skinnybitch10192020]

TIPS & TRICKS

Basic/General Rules 

RULES, RULES, RULES. This is important. You need to set rules for yourself, and if you are truly ana, you will have no problem sticking to them because you are STRONG! Rules are everything. Examples: Don’t eat anything white. Do not, under any circumstances, eat after 6:00. Don’t eat before 3:00. Cut each bite into x amount of pieces, chew x amount of times. Do not eat anything that has over 3 grams of fat. Make your own and keep adding to them.

Ana must be the center of your life.

Drink a full glass of water before you eat and then sip a full glass between bites, you’ll get full much faster. Remember it takes 20 minutes for the brain to realize the stomach is full.

Eat denser food because it feels like more. Light and fluffy foods compact in your digestive tract and you will feel hungry soon after.

Take out only the amount of food you plan to eat and don’t allow seconds.

Think before you eat. Don’t eat while distracted (TV, etc). Stop and consider if you really want to eat that then consciously give yourself permission.

100-calorie meals is better than one 400-calorie meal.

Never eat anything bigger than about a cup, your stomach will expand and you’ll get hungry more. If you need to, eat more frequently, not bigger amounts.

Slim-Fast and other “healthy” bars and shakes have more carbs and calories than in the meal they’re intended to replace. Stay away.

Drink at least a glass of water every hour. It’s better for weight loss to sip throughout the day than to chug a full glass (except before eating, in which case it can make you eat less, or make you slightly nauseous so you don’t want to eat at all). Try keeping a water bottle somewhere you’ll see it a lot, like every 10-20 minutes, and take a drink from it every time you see it/notice it.

Drink up to a shot of apple cider vinegar before eating, it’s supposed to minimize fat absorption. Also speeds metabolism and can help curb cravings. Drinking more than a shot causes a vague nausea which helps suppress appetite.

Ice or gum are good food substitutes. Celery works too if you’re really hungry.

Use small, dark colored plates. Dark blue or black makes you eat less, and smaller plates and utensils cause you to take smaller portions from the start.

Make a list of “bad” foods. Periodically, cross one of the list and pledge to never, ever eat it again. Eventually there will be none left.

Eat in front of a mirror, naked or in underwear if possible. If you can’t, carry a picture of yourself in a revealing outfit and look at it when you want to eat. When you have cravings pinch your fat and look at your problem areas, don’t add to them!

Eat a lot of fiber for digestive health and low calories.

Create a methodical routine for eating. Cut food into tiny pieces, count your bites and the number of times you chew, set your utensils down between bites, and sip water between bites. Add other rules or rituals of your own.

Eat higher-calorie items earlier in the day so you have more time to burn them off; if you eat late eat light or it will be more likely to be stored as fat due to inactivity. Try not to eat too late, sleep burns calories and is a good opportunity to burn fat with little effort. The body must burn through all digesting food before taking energy from stored food (fat).

When you go out, take very little money or only enough to buy whatever non-food item you plan on buying. This will make it harder to buy food on impulse.

Don’t take bites, either from others’ food or while cooking, as the calories add up surprisingly fast and you may not realize how much extra you’re taking in.

Write down everything you eat and its calories. This will make you think before eating and also make you more aware of how much food and calories you are actually consuming. You can also write down other things such as how you’re feeling, who you’re with, place, time, and why you chose to eat it, this will help you track patterns in your eating behavior.

Wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it when you want to eat. Food = pain.

Set a time you cannot eat past. 6:00 or 7:00pm are good choices. This is especially helpful if you are prone to night binging. Then make a rule that you cannot eat before 6:00 or 7:00AM, this is like having a 12-hr fast every day.

You shouldn’t eat for at least 3 hours before going to bed. The extra hours will help burn off the calories. If you eat soon before sleeping, you absorb more calories due to inactivity and you put on weight.

Have a peppermint or peppermint tea. Peppermint decreases hunger.

Brush your teeth when you want to eat. The clean feeling and mint aftertaste will put you off food.

Press on your stomach when it grumbles. TUMS also stop stomach growling and have calcium.(5 calories a piece so be careful!)

Carry a list of all the reasons you want to be thin and avoid food. Look at it when you want to eat to remind yourself why you won’t. Or, write a new list every time you want to eat. It’ll distract you, postpone eating, and thinking of the reasons will inspire you.

Cut a ribbon the size you want your waist to be. wrap and tie it around your wrist like a bracelet. Every time you look at it you’ll be reminded of your goals. When you’re tempted, take it off and wrap it around your waist. See how close you are, or how far you have to go, and resist the temptation.

Always leave at least one bite of food on your plate. This will help you to be able to stop eating and prevent binges. It will also stop you from compulsively finishing portions even when you have eaten enough.

Save $1 for every meal you don’t eat, then use the money to buy yourself a non-food present.

Friends will only get in the way. Avoid them until you reach your goals.

Never eat in secret. This is a terrible habit that leads to compulsive binging. If you wouldn’t eat it in front of all your friends you shouldn’t be eating it at all! Also if you only eat around other people they will know that you do eat and assume you eat alone as well, thus lessening suspicion that you have an ED.

Never eat out of a box or jar. Always eat from a plate or bowl. This will help you in several ways: You will see how much you are really eating; you can determine in advance how much you will eat and not go back for seconds; using a small plate or bowl will make you eat even less; you can count/measure out an exact serving and know the accurate amount of calories you are consuming.

Give clothes to Goodwill as they get too big for you. Don’t keep them around “just in case.”

If you live alone, put thinspo and/or reverse thinspo pictures on the pantry and refrigerator. A mirror works well too.

When you have hunger pangs, picture your stomach eating away your fat, and that what you feel is the feeling of thinness and your fat burning away.

Coffee is an appetite suppressant. Drink it black or with Splenda or other no-calorie sweetener.

Count your bites, and the number of times you chew them. Plan in advance how many bites you can have. Then make them smaller or use smaller utensils.

Paint your nails so you can’t eat until the polish dries. Teeth whitening strips are good too.

Drink water before eating. If you’re still hungry, drink green tea or broth. If you still need to eat, you’ll eat less than you would have.

Eat low-calorie foods with strong flavors. Sometimes you’re craving taste, not food. For bouillon, use less water than is recommended. Peppermints, pickles, peppers, and mustard are good choices.

Do not eat anything unless you know the exact amount of calories in it.

Chew gum while cooking. That way you can’t take bites while it is cooking, and you won’t want to eat it once it’s done.

Keep food out of sight, not sitting out, and stay away from food and the kitchen to keep your mind off it.

Keep a pocket thinspo in your wallet with your cash so you won’t spend money on food.

For sweet cravings, lick a chopstick and dip it into a diet Swiss Miss pack.

Write your current weight on one hand, and your goal weight on the other. When you go to eat, you’ll be reminded how fat you are, and how skinny you could be.

The Four D’s:

Distance yourself from food.

Distract yourself.

Delay eating

Decide what your goals really are.

Green tea raises metabolism and is very good for the skin and overall health. Drink it in the morning to increase metabolism for the day. Add lemon to make it more effective and to add a detoxifying aspect.

Hot water with lemon is another good morning drink.

Spicy foods raise metabolism, if you don’t like them you can take cayenne pepper capsules available in supplement section of drugstores or health food stores.

Drinking apple cider vinegar is said to raise metabolism, have a few tablespoons, can also be mixed in water (with lemon would be best) or used as salad dressing.

Start the morning with stretching to wake up your muscles, the morning is also the best time to exercise because your body will use stored food (fat) as fuel instead of food you ate. It also processes food better throughout the day and gives you more energy if you exercise in the morning.

Get at least 6 hours of sleep each night, less than this can decrease metabolism by 10% and increase appetite by 15%. You look better and feel better when you have more sleep also if you’re sleeping then you’re not eating!

Keep good posture, it burns 10% more calories throughout the day. You also look better.

Vitamin B6 and B12 raise metabolism and give you energy.

Eating protein increases your metabolic rate by 14%.

Fact and Tip

Fact: You can only purge up to 80% of calories consumed. Tip: Avoid high caloric binges, instead eat things with a greater mass and less calories. Fruits and veggies are always a good choice. Fact: Carbohydrate digestion starts in your mouth. Our salivary glands secrete amylase, which is a digestive enzyme that begins the break down of carbs. Tip:Avoid eating carbohydrates at the beginning of the meal, because you’ll absorb more calories. Save the carbs for desert. Fact: Fat is digested in the small intestines and therefore you feel fuller after eating a high-fat meal. Tip: Eat the fat first because it takes a long time to digest, therefore you’ll absorb less calories than eating carbs first. Beware, fat has twice as many kcals as carbs and proteins. Fact: Laxatives do not affect calorie absorbtion. Most food and calories are digested and absorbed in the small intestines and laxatives only affect the large intestines. Yes, you’ll lose weight, but the weight lost is from water and fecal matter. Tip: Only use laxatives after a large meal that you did not purge afterwards, this way you’ll see the real amount of weight gained instead of the fecal matter gained.

Activities Calorie Counter 

30 minutes of these activities for a 120 lb person, will burn:

Gym Activities

Aerobics, low impact: 158

Aerobics, high impact: 202

Aerobics, Step low impact: 202

Aerobics, Step high impact: 288

Aerobics, water: 115

Bicycling, Stationery, moderate: 202

Bicycling, Stationery, vigorous: 302

Calisthenics, vigorous: 230

Calisthenics, moderate: 130

Circuit Training, general: 230

Elliptical Trainer, general: 259

Riders: general (ie., HealthRider): 144

Rowing, Stationery, moderate: 202

Rowing, Stationery, vigorous: 245

Ski Machine general: 274

Stair Step Machine general: 173

Stretching, Hatha Yoga: 115

Teaching aerobics: 173

Weight Lifting: general 86

Weight Lifting: vigorous 173

Training and Sport ActivitiesArchery:

non-hunting 101

Badminton general: 130

Basketball playing a game: 230

Basketball wheelchair: 187

Billiards: 72

Bicycling BMX or mountain: 245

Bicycling 12-13.9 mph: 230

Bicycling 14-15.9 mph: 288

Bicycling 16-19 mph: 346

Bicycling > 20 mph: 475

Bowling: 86Boxing sparring: 259

Curling: 115Dancing Fast, ballet, twist: 173

Dancing disco, ballroom, square: 158

Dancing slow, waltz, foxtrot: 86

Fencing: 173Football competitive: 259

Football touch, flag, general: 230

Frisbee: 86Golf carrying clubs: 158

Golf using cart: 101

Gymnastics general: 115

Handball general: 346

Hang Gliding: 101

Hiking cross-country: 173

Hockey field & ice: 230

Horseback Riding: general 115

Ice Skating general: 202

Kayaking: 144

Martial Arts judo, karate, kickbox: 288

Orienteering: 259

Race Walking: 187

Racquetball competitive: 288

Racquetball casual, general: 202

Rock Climbing ascending: 317

Rock Climbing rapelling: 230

Rollerblade Skating: 202

Rope Jumping: 288

Running 5 mph (12 min/mile): 230

Running 5.2 mph (11.5 min/mile): 259

Running 6 mph (10 min/mile): 288

Running 6.7 mph (9 min/mile): 317

Running 7.5 mph (8 min/mile): 360

Running 8.6 mph (7 min/mile): 418

Running 10 mph (6 min/mile): 475

Running pushing wheelchair, marathon wheeling: 230

Running cross-country: 259

Scuba or skin diving: 202

Skateboarding: 144

Skiing: cross-country: 230

Skiing: downhill: 173

Sledding, luge, toboggan: 202

Snorkeling: 144

Snow Shoeing: 230

Soccer general: 202

Softball general play: 144

Swimming general: 173

Swimming laps, vigorous: 288

Swimming backstroke: 230

Swimming breaststroke: 288

Swimming butterfly: 317

Swimming crawl: 317

Swimming treading, vigorous: 288

Tai Chi: 115

Tennis general: 202

Volleyball non-competitive,general play: 86

Volleyball competitive, gymnasium play: 115

Volleyball beach: 230

Walk 3.5 mph (17 min/mi): 115

Walk 4 mph (15 min/mi): 130

Walk 4.5 mph (13 min/mi): 144

Walk/Jog (jog 10 min): 173

Water Skiing: 173

Water Polo: 288

Water Volleyball: 86

Whitewater (rafting, kayaking): 144

Wrestling 173

Outdoor Activities Carrying &

stacking wood: 144

Chopping & splitting wood: 173

Digging, spading dirt: 144

Gardening (general): 130

Gardening (weeding): 133

Laying sod / crushed rock:144

Mowing Lawn (push, hand): 158

Mowing Lawn (push, power): 130

Operate Snow Blower (walking): 130

Planting seedlings, shrubs: 115

Plant trees: 130

Raking Lawn: 115

Sacking grass or leaves: 115

Shoveling Snow (by hand): 173

Home and Daily Life Activities

[iwannabetinytiny]

Pro Ana QUEEN ❤️ 👸🏽( add something if you’d like)

RULES, RULES, RULES. This is important. You need to set rules for yourself, and if you are truly ana, you will have no problem sticking to them because you are STRONG! Rules are everything. Examples: Don’t eat anything white. Do not, under any circumstances, eat after 6:00. Don’t eat before 3:00. Cut each bite into x amount of pieces, chew x amount of times. Do not eat anything that has over 3 grams of fat. Make your own and keep adding to them.

Ana must be the center of your life.

Drink a full glass of water before you eat and then sip a full glass between bites, you’ll get full much faster. Remember it takes 20 minutes for the brain to realize the stomach is full.

Eat denser food because it feels like more. Light and fluffy foods compact in your digestive tract and you will feel hungry soon after.

Take out only the amount of food you plan to eat and don’t allow seconds.

Think before you eat. Don’t eat while distracted (TV, etc). Stop and consider if you really want to eat that then consciously give yourself permission.

100-calorie meals is better than one 400-calorie meal.

Never eat anything bigger than about a cup, your stomach will expand and you’ll get hungry more. If you need to, eat more frequently, not bigger amounts.

Slim-Fast and other “healthy” bars and shakes have more carbs and calories than in the meal they’re intended to replace. Stay away.

Drink at least a glass of water every hour. It’s better for weight loss to sip throughout the day than to chug a full glass (except before eating, in which case it can make you eat less, or make you slightly nauseous so you don’t want to eat at all). Try keeping a water bottle somewhere you’ll see it a lot, like every 10-20 minutes, and take a drink from it every time you see it/notice it.

Drink up to a shot of apple cider vinegar before eating, it’s supposed to minimize fat absorption. Also speeds metabolism and can help curb cravings. Drinking more than a shot causes a vague nausea which helps suppress appetite.

Ice or gum are good food substitutes. Celery works too if you’re really hungry.

Use small, dark colored plates. Dark blue or black makes you eat less, and smaller plates and utensils cause you to take smaller portions from the start.

Make a list of “bad” foods. Periodically, cross one of the list and pledge to never, ever eat it again. Eventually there will be none left.

Eat in front of a mirror, naked or in underwear if possible. If you can’t, carry a picture of yourself in a revealing outfit and look at it when you want to eat. When you have cravings pinch your fat and look at your problem areas, don’t add to them!

Eat a lot of fiber for digestive health and low calories.

Create a methodical routine for eating. Cut food into tiny pieces, count your bites and the number of times you chew, set your utensils down between bites, and sip water between bites. Add other rules or rituals of your own.

Eat higher-calorie items earlier in the day so you have more time to burn them off; if you eat late eat light or it will be more likely to be stored as fat due to inactivity. Try not to eat too late, sleep burns calories and is a good opportunity to burn fat with little effort. The body must burn through all digesting food before taking energy from stored food (fat).

When you go out, take very little money or only enough to buy whatever non-food item you plan on buying. This will make it harder to buy food on impulse.

Don’t take bites, either from others’ food or while cooking, as the calories add up surprisingly fast and you may not realize how much extra you’re taking in.

Write down everything you eat and its calories. This will make you think before eating and also make you more aware of how much food and calories you are actually consuming. You can also write down other things such as how you’re feeling, who you’re with, place, time, and why you chose to eat it, this will help you track patterns in your eating behavior.

Wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it when you want to eat. Food = pain.

Set a time you cannot eat past. 6:00 or 7:00pm are good choices. This is especially helpful if you are prone to night binging. Then make a rule that you cannot eat before 6:00 or 7:00AM, this is like having a 12-hr fast every day.

You shouldn’t eat for at least 3 hours before going to bed. The extra hours will help burn off the calories. If you eat soon before sleeping, you absorb more calories due to inactivity and you put on weight.

Have a peppermint or peppermint tea. Peppermint decreases hunger.

Brush your teeth when you want to eat. The clean feeling and mint aftertaste will put you off food.

Press on your stomach when it grumbles. TUMS also stop stomach growling and have calcium.(5 calories a piece so be careful!)

Carry a list of all the reasons you want to be thin and avoid food. Look at it when you want to eat to remind yourself why you won’t. Or, write a new list every time you want to eat. It’ll distract you, postpone eating, and thinking of the reasons will inspire you.

Cut a ribbon the size you want your waist to be. wrap and tie it around your wrist like a bracelet. Every time you look at it you’ll be reminded of your goals. When you’re tempted, take it off and wrap it around your waist. See how close you are, or how far you have to go, and resist the temptation.

Always leave at least one bite of food on your plate. This will help you to be able to stop eating and prevent binges. It will also stop you from compulsively finishing portions even when you have eaten enough.

Save $1 for every meal you don’t eat, then use the money to buy yourself a non-food present.

Friends will only get in the way. Avoid them until you reach your goals.

Never eat in secret. This is a terrible habit that leads to compulsive binging. If you wouldn’t eat it in front of all your friends you shouldn’t be eating it at all! Also if you only eat around other people they will know that you do eat and assume you eat alone as well, thus lessening suspicion that you have an ED.

Never eat out of a box or jar. Always eat from a plate or bowl. This will help you in several ways: You will see how much you are really eating; you can determine in advance how much you will eat and not go back for seconds; using a small plate or bowl will make you eat even less; you can count/measure out an exact serving and know the accurate amount of calories you are consuming.

Give clothes to Goodwill as they get too big for you. Don’t keep them around “just in case.”

If you live alone, put thinspo and/or reverse thinspo pictures on the pantry and refrigerator. A mirror works well too.

When you have hunger pangs, picture your stomach eating away your fat, and that what you feel is the feeling of thinness and your fat burning away.

Coffee is an appetite suppressant. Drink it black or with Splenda or other no-calorie sweetener.

Count your bites, and the number of times you chew them. Plan in advance how many bites you can have. Then make them smaller or use smaller utensils.

Paint your nails so you can’t eat until the polish dries. Teeth whitening strips are good too.

Drink water before eating. If you’re still hungry, drink green tea or broth. If you still need to eat, you’ll eat less than you would have.

Eat low-calorie foods with strong flavors. Sometimes you’re craving taste, not food. For bouillon, use less water than is recommended. Peppermints, pickles, peppers, and mustard are good choices.

Do not eat anything unless you know the exact amount of calories in it.

Chew gum while cooking. That way you can’t take bites while it is cooking, and you won’t want to eat it once it’s done.

Keep food out of sight, not sitting out, and stay away from food and the kitchen to keep your mind off it.

Keep a pocket thinspo in your wallet with your cash so you won’t spend money on food.

For sweet cravings, lick a chopstick and dip it into a diet Swiss Miss pack.

Write your current weight on one hand, and your goal weight on the other. When you go to eat, you’ll be reminded how fat you are, and how skinny you could be.

The Four D’s:

Distance yourself from food.

Distract yourself.

Delay eating

Decide what your goals really are.

Green tea raises metabolism and is very good for the skin and overall health. Drink it in the morning to increase metabolism for the day. Add lemon to make it more effective and to add a detoxifying aspect.

Hot water with lemon is another good morning drink.

Spicy foods raise metabolism, if you don’t like them you can take cayenne pepper capsules available in supplement section of drugstores or health food stores.

Drinking apple cider vinegar is said to raise metabolism, have a few tablespoons, can also be mixed in water (with lemon would be best) or used as salad dressing.

Start the morning with stretching to wake up your muscles, the morning is also the best time to exercise because your body will use stored food (fat) as fuel instead of food you ate. It also processes food better throughout the day and gives you more energy if you exercise in the morning.

Get at least 6 hours of sleep each night, less than this can decrease metabolism by 10% and increase appetite by 15%. You look better and feel better when you have more sleep also if you’re sleeping then you’re not eating!

Keep good posture, it burns 10% more calories throughout the day. You also look better.

Vitamin B6 and B12 raise metabolism and give you energy.

Eating protein increases your metabolic rate by 14%.

[george-mackay-macfine]

Dear Diary Prt. 12

December 18th, 2011

Dear Diary, 

My date with Tom was yesterday, He’s really nice. He made me feel comfortable, even being in his flat. 

We didn’t do anything yesterday, we just made out. Drank some wine and he dropped me home. We’ve got another date planned for when I get home from Christmas break. 

December 19th, 2011

Dear Diary,

Is it premeditated murder if you have a good reason to kill someone? Or could it be classified as a crime of passion?

Because I’m about to commit a murder, but it’d be passionate. 

Dean, the bloody idiot, has invited Tom over for dinner tomorrow night, with my cooking… 

It’s almost like he wants my relationship with Tom to end where it is right now, one night over dinner, and some sweet kisses. 

Not only do I have to cook for Tom, but I also have to cook for Henry, Jordan, Harry, Dean, Charlotte and George. 

And it’s all thanks to Dean Chapman, the bastard. 

They’d tried to reassure me, calming words of ‘You’ll be fine Y/N,’ and ‘Don’t worry Y/N, we’ll order some Indian from the place down the road, put it in some pots and pans, and we’ll say you cooked it… Fake it till you make it right?’

But I’m freaking out, 

I like him, I don’t want to poison him!

December 20th, 2011

Dear Diary,

It’s one o’clock in the morning, so technically it’s the 21st, not the 20th, but I’m recounting the events of the day, and it’s my diary so I can do that. 

It started off, Okay...

Four PM

“So spaghetti bowl,” Henry began standing beside me in the kitchen. “Super easy, You can’t mess it up,” 

“Remember, she burned nacho’s,” Jordan called from the couch with Dean, eyes fixated on the television, 

“Don’t forget the soup incident,” Dean added. I turned to Henry unable to control the tremble in my bottom lip. 

“I’m going to kill him, he’s going to come here and eat my food and he’s going to die, and then I’m going to die alone and sad.” I cried falling against the counter, head hitting heavy. 

“Hey now,” Henry soothed hand rubbing against my back, “We don’t know if you’ll kill him,” 

“Henry,” I cried sitting up turning to glare at my friend who was snorting through laughter. “I need new friends,” 

“Do you though?” I heard George ask as he pranced through the door, “You’re going to love me,” 

“Us,” Harry corrected rolling his eyes, leaning back against the door. “He means you’re going to love us,” 

“Why?” I moaned head dropping against the bench again, “Are you magically going to teach me how to cook,” 

“Better,” I could hear the smirk in George’s voice, “Harry and I are going to cook for you,” I burst up, eyes glowing with the possibility of a saving Y/N. 

“Really?” I looked between the pair, 

“You really like him Y/N?” Harry asked still leaning against the door, 

“Yeah, I do,” I think I do,

“Then yeah,” Harry nodded his head, “We’re gonna help you,” 

“You go for a walk, study or something we’ve got this.” George walked over to me and pulled me out of the kitchen, pushing a coat into my hands. 

“You sure,” 

“Jordan, go with her,” He added still pushing me. 

“Why me?” 

“Do you want to cook?” Harry drawled out, bored. “Go buy some nice wine,” 

“We can do wine, right Y/N?” I turned to Jordan as George pushed me into Harry. He grabbed me by the waist and held me upright, 

“We can,” I nodded. “I think we can, at least,” 

“I can help with wine?” Dean offered also standing, “I don’t really want to cook,” 

“What if we don’t want you coming with us?” Jordan chuckled pushing Dean back onto the settee. 

“Then I say a massive fuck you, and I’m coming anyway,” He stood up smirking at Jordan before walking towards me. “We can teach Y/N how to drive,” 

“Really think that’s the best idea?” Jordan whispered loudly to him, “We don’t know what type of driver she is,” 

“A bad one,” I substituted, “I’m fine not driving, honestly,” I looked up to Harry and smiled, “Really nice offer, but maybe I’m supposed to be one of those people who just never drives,” 

“I’ll teach you one day,” He whispered in my ear, “You guy’s better get going,”

“He’s right, and then when you get back you will be smelling the most delicious meal of your life,” George smirked, “This dish helped me win the heart of Laura Francis,” He looked over to me, “Remember her Y/N,” 

“How can I forget,” Laura Francis was the most popular girl at my school, and her popularity only exploded when she hooked up with George, 

“Had her begging,” He chuckled to Dean, I really did not want to listen to George talk about his former conquests. “Whatever happened to her?” George asked pulling me over to wrap his arms around me. 

“Not too sure,” I smiled up at him, Don’t do this Y/N. 

You like Tom. 

You like Tom. 

You like Tom. 

You like Tom. 

You like Tom. 

You like Tom.

Why are we lying to each other, 

You like George. 

“Let’s go!” I clapped, pulling away from him quickly, “Time’s a-wasting,” 

“See you when you get back,” Henry called from the kitchen. “Don’t be too long,” 

“You got it,” Jordan saluted as we walked out the door. “Should we walk?”

“Do you want to tread snow?” 

“I kind of like snow,” I muttered back to Dean who shook his head, 

“We’ll drive,” Dean tossed the keys back and forth between their hands. “Should we get some snacks as well? Maybe we can play games after,” 

“Sure,” 

Five PM

“What else is on the list?” Jordan asked as he pushed the trolley up and down the isles behind Dean and I, “Do we even have a list?” 

“No,” Dean replied as he stared at the miscellaneous snack food items. When he thought Jordan and I weren’t paying attention he’d place a few boxes of snacks into the cart like a child, “Maybe some chips?”

“Dean you’ve already added in six bags,” Jordan picked up a handful, “I think we’re good with chips,” 

“Dean you’ve already added in six bags, I think we’re good with chips,” Dean mimicked Jordan with an annoying smirk on his lips, 

“We need wine,” I muttered as I looked over the boxes aimlessly, “We should hurry, or we’ll miss dinner,” 

“We’re going,” Dean and Jordan cried together, 

Five Thirty PM

“You guy’s they’re going to be home any minute and it’s all burnt.” Henry’s voice cried out through the door. Jordan, Dean and I all stopped and lent towards the wooden door. 

“It’s not my fault. Who knew oil was so flammable.” George cried as a bang rand out through the apartment. 

“Everyone George,” Harry moaned. 

“I think we need to see what’s happening,” I pushed open the door, smoke billowing out around us. 

“We got the wine,” Jordan called as I held the door open for him and Dean, “Lots of it,” 

“Someones getting fucked up tonight!” Dean cried carrying the bags full of chips in behind him. 

“Oh my god,” My mouth fell open as I looked at the kitchen, Henry, Harry and George were covered in flour, and the kitchen was even worse. “I thought you guys knew how to cook,” 

“We do,” Henry replied shaking flour out of his hair, “We just didn’t equate to George being a fuckin’ menace.” 

“I didn’t mean too,” 

“Oh my god what am I going to do, he’s going to be here in under an hour,” I began to become frantic, running my hands through my hair, “He’s going to show up, and there’s only going to be wine and chips,” I shook my head. “This is going to be the worst night,” 

“Y/N,” Harry called, “Don’t worry I’ll order in some food, and we’ll explain to Tom,” He picked up his phone, “Just… go get ready, and don’t freak out, alright everything is going to be fine.” 

“Okay,” I nodded my head. “Okay,” I walked to my bedroom shutting the door behind me, “Just get dressed, everything will be fine,” 

“Babe?” George’s voice called through the door, I moved away pulling it open so he could walk inside, “You okay?” I nodded my head, “You really like him don’t you?” 

“I think so?” 

“You think so?” He chuckled walking into the room, the door shutting behind him. “You don’t know?” 

“Not yet, it’s too early to tell,” 

“How’d you know with what’s his face,” 

“You mean Julian?”

“Yeah, him,” 

“I don’t know, Sarah said it was a good idea I date him, so I did, and then when I didn’t sleep with him… well, we both know how that turned out,” 

“You want to sleep with this guy?” 

“I don’t know, maybe?” 

“Y/N,” He shook his head a soft smile coming to his lips.

“What?”

“I wish you didn’t say that,” 

“Say what?” 

“That you maybe wanted to sleep with him,” 

“Why?” I whispered suddenly feeling like the air in the room was all to thin for my liking, George pushed himself away from the door and walked towards me, pulling me into him, his hands going to my hair, pushing it behind my ears as he held onto me. 

“Because deep down, I’m still hoping you’ll give me the shot I don’t deserve,” 

All you’d have to do was ask, 

“But then I remember, your worth more to me as my best friend, than as a girl I slept with once,” 

Slept with once, 

“Friends?” 

“Always,” He whispered kissing my forehead, “Now get yourself ready for dinner,” 

That was it Diary, 

Dinner was fine,

Tom said he enjoyed the evening and gave me a kiss farewell, making plans to see me again once I return from Christmas break, 

And my mind wouldn’t stop running circles over George. 

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