#or. [looks at my maul fucks some guy fic]

[maulfucker]

I can't even joke about wanting a show about Maul fucking because first of all they would try to make him straight (which he absolutely isn't) and second of all you knowwww he didn't fuck before he had his legs cut off. he was too busy being a moody teenager and going on murder vacations. so it would have to be set post AotC. so for him to fuck they would have to canonize cybernetic dicks.

#hm i should make an original post tag #this is a joke this is a joke idk if cybernetic penises are canon or not yet #but also no joke he was only in his early 20s in tpm he did Not have enough time to fuck around #plus he is. extremely non sexual. yes comics love making him shirtless. but his entire character SCREAMS guy who doesn't fuck. #he is NOT fucking when he's king of mandalore he's too busy stressing about politics and his Plan #he is NOT fucking during the empire. he's too busy being a weirdo and looking for sith artifacts to use against sidious and/or kenobi #i could in theory see him doing some fucking around during early empire era #enjoying his last years as a crime lord. even though he's not even that into it #or. [looks at my maul fucks some guy fic] #a long version of that. maybe have the clawdite spend some more time in maul's service before he leaves. #maybe a. scene/episode where jabba sends another sex slave and maul lets the clawdite fuck them. while turned into him. #.... hauving covid over my own ideas #i am NOT going to write it. but it could be very hot. with good cinema topography. #mdni

[jedi-enthusiast]

My [completed] CodyWan Fic Masterlist

This is going to be a very long list of all my favorite CodyWan fics that are completed. Later on today or tomorrow I'll make another list for all of the CodyWan fics I enjoy that are currently ongoing/incomplete (because we, in fandom, need to start supporting authors during the writing process instead of only after, but that's a whole other post).

The fics are gonna be separated by Modern AU, Canon-Divergent/Canon-ish, Crack, and Canon But a Little to the Left. Full Disclaimer: this is going to be a very long list, so the triggers and descriptions will be brief--make sure you read the tags and warnings before reading!

I don't know who these authors are on tumblr, so I can't tag them, but I recommend that you guys tag them if you recognize them--because they deserve all the love <3 and I think, especially now, we need to let fic authors know that we appreciate them.

Modern AU

212th Street Coffee by thosewhowanderwithfire 

Cody runs a coffee shop, Obi-Wan comes in frequently with a different members of his friends/family and Cody learns a lot about his crazy life by eavesdropping.

bury me beneath the tree i climbed when i was a child by stormwarnings 

Obi-Wan's family life is messy, to say the least. Cody and his family work as firefighters/EMTs/etc. and Obi-Wan kinda just gets adopted into the family by constantly needing to call the firefighters/EMTs/etc.

Coruscant Story by TyeDyeBoogers

A mafia AU thing where Obi-Wan and Cody are both in different mafia families, but then they date each other pretending to be regular normal people (bc neither of them know they're in the mafia, much less different families), and then a bunch of stuff happens and drama ensues.

TW: Murder, Violence

cradle my name on your tongue by jynx 

Running from an abusive ex, Obi-Wan and Anakin move to a small town where they set up their tattoo and piercing shop. Obi-Wan quickly falls for Cody, the florist across the street, but bad things happen when Obi-Wan's ex just won't give up.

TW: Violence, Abusive Relationship, Drugging, Attempted SA (this doesn't go into detail, but it's still there)

Foreign Affairs by ro_moray 

Obi-Wan and Anakin come to America as foreign ambassadors, Cody is one of their bodyguards. Both Obi-Wan and Cody fall head over heels quickly, and there's some political drama via Maul.

TW: Violence (I think?)

Hey Bartender by Wxlves 

Obi-Wan and Cody both work as bartenders at Dex's, they become FWB, and feelings ensue.

I've Served My Time In Hell by TheSleepingOne (SleepingNebula) 

There's a zombie apocalypse going on and Obi-Wan is repeatedly fucked over by the universe in the form of being forced to spend time around his ex, Cody, and Cody's very protective family.

TW: Violence, Gore

Liminal Beings by ChubbstheFish 

Cody is the lighthouse keeper in a small town with his family. Obi-Wan and his family move into said small town and become close with Cody's family, but it quickly becomes clear that Obi-Wan and his family aren't exactly what they seem--aka human.

Not Denial by spqr 

Obi-Wan is a PI and Cody is the sorry moron who falls head over heels for him after meeting him exactly once.

TW: Violence

Seeker Prospector by brigitttt

Cody is a bounty hunter looking for his father, Obi-Wan is just trying to study dinosaur bones. The two meet, fuck, and then catch feelings.

TW: Violence, Mild Gore (I think)

We’ll Do This Together by MageOfCole 

Obi-Wan and Cody have a one night stand and Cody accidentally gets Obi-Wan pregnant (of the trans variety, not the a/b/o variety). Obi-Wan tries to hide this from Cody and his family, but Obi-Wan's family doesn't know how to mind their own business. Family hijinks ensue.

What…a sleep over? by Wixiany

Cody's family decides to host a party, but he needs to study, so he heads over to Anakin's brother's house to get some peace and quiet. He wasn't ready for how pretty Obi-Wan was.

You Gave Me the World that I Wanted by Legogirl22 

Cody has to take care of his family, so he swears up and down that he won't fall for the cute bookkeeper he keeps seeing. He fails. Miserably.

Canon Divergent/Canon-ish

A Ghost or a Man by smallandangry 

Obi-Wan makes a life for himself on Tatooine, eventually Cody finds him, and the locals get attached to both.

A New Life by cwiptids 

Rex and Echo hear about a clone on Tatooine...guess who they meet and take another guess as to who they're married to.

end of the road by adiduck (book_people)

Obi-Wan and Cody spar before Utapau and make unfulfilled promises.

Glimpse Of Us by fingerstripesofchaos 

Post-Order 66 angst fic, just like...loads of angst. This is not a happy fic at all, it made me cry.

TW: Suicide Mention/Reference

Haven’t Felt Like This My Dear by Bluebellstar

Cody gets a hangover and is a total baby about it, Obi-Wan is very amused.

little white truths by imperiousphasmid 

Obi-Wan gets injured and only family and spouse(s) are allowed to see him...I think you know where this is going.

Made by Walking by piotsa  

After Order 66, Quinlan finds Cody and then Cody finds Obi-Wan.

not dead yet by keylimemagpie (QuickSilverFox3)

✨ smut with emotions ✨

Our children our future (that we didn’t know of) by Feniksiara   

After Order-66 Cody finds out that the Kaminoans decided to use Obi-Wan and Cody's DNA to make Force-sensitive clones...then the Mandalorian dad genes kick in.

Standard Operating Procedures by galateaGalvanized

A mission goes wrong and suddenly almost the entire 212th is in love with Obi-Wan...except, it appears, Cody. Y'all know exactly where this is going.

all the world in my arms by biscuityskies 

Obi-Wan has nightmares after Kadavo, then shit goes to hell on a mission, and Cody worries--also Anakin and biscuityskies' OC Hex are little shits.

where the fields are painted gold by biscuityskies

The 212th end up crashing in the forest, so Obi-Wan and Cody get some "camping out in the forest" cuddles and also banter.

night spar by cabezadeperro (minigami) 

Obi-Wan and Cody spar at night, and there is a lot of tension. Not of the fun kind, though.

chain of command by cabezadeperro (minigami) 

Obi-Wan and Cody are undercover and eventually have to find some way to keep the people tracking them from finding them. If you've watched Marvel, you know where this is going.

In the Treetops by ebw_writes499 

After a mission on Kashyyyk everyone needs to go to bed, which they do...all the way up in the trees.

Caretaker by ebw_writes499 

On Tatooine, Cody gets sick and Obi-Wan has to take care of him. Obi-Wan is a worrier.

Love Despite the Distance by ebw_writes499 

After the war, Cody and Rex comm each other to catch up. Also Cody became a senator against his will.

Overworked by ebw_writes499 

Obi-Wan and Cody both had the same idea and that idea was "sneak off to take a nap."

Compartment Syndrome by elwenyere 

After a bad crash, Obi-Wan is knocked out and Cody is injured. Cody carries Obi-Wan through all the danger while reminiscing, certain that he'll be decommissioned after due to his injury.

TW: Mild Gore? (of the "description of injury" variety)

Good Soldiers by elwenyere 

A story about Obi-Wan and Cody throughout the War and after Order 66, with a happy ending.

Don’t Worry It's A Very High Threadcount by goldleaf1066 

Obi-Wan uses a blanket to warm up instead of Cody and Cody is very fussy about it. It gets a little angsty near the end, but things end good.

And Our Faces Toward the Sun by goldleaf1066 

The War ends and Cody and Obi-Wan share a kiss.

I'll Bend Your Light Around Me (A Sunrise At My Back) by goldleaf1066   

A sweet little story about Obi-Wan and Cody throughout the war, with a happy ending!

Stepping In, Stepping Out by goldleaf1066   

Cody and Obi-Wan take turns covering for each other when they oversleep.

With Both Our Hands Around It by goldleaf1066

Obi-Wan and Cody discuss their relationship while also participating in some extracurricular activities.

Crack Fics

Compulsive Honesty by afoundling 

Cody, Obi-Wan, and some of the 212th get dosed with truth serum and just have to let it run its course.

Fools and Idiots by BehindBrokenWindows 

Somehow everyone gets it in their heads that Obi-Wan and Padme are fucking, and Anakin is not happy when he finds out. We all know who he's really fucking.

Operation “who’s kriffing the General” by Sweet_bubbs 

Everyone finds out that Obi-Wan is in a relationship with someone, but they don't know who--but boy do they want to find out.

Resignation in more than one sense by BitterChocolateStars   

Obi-Wan tries to resign, Mace is a little shit (affectionate) and says no, and hijinks ensue.

Time to Celebrate by Kurosaki224   

Kurosaki's OC just wants to talk to his superiors after the war and ends up seeing a lot more than he wants to.

Rex finds out by The_neurodivergent_nerd   

Exactly what it sounds like.

The Trickster by The_neurodivergent_nerd  

A long dead Sith lord has a great sense of humor.

Canon But a Little to the Left

closed together by numbika 

Obi-Wan is blind AU where Obi-Wan and Cody get stuck in an elevator together.

I Got My Head Checked by frostbitebakery   

Sith Obi-Wan AU where Cody falls in love with Obi-Wan and Obi-Wan changes the course of the War because Cody and his brothers make him realize he still has his heart.

TW: Violence, Self Harm (of the "making a sith" variety)

Marriage in Disguise by bjjones   

Oops! Looks like to make peace with Mandalore, the Jedi will just have to send Obi-Wan to get married to Cody, son of Manda'lor Jango Fett. They totally weren't dating before this.

We’ll Meet Again by little_dumpling

Obi-Wan doesn't become a Jedi Knight and instead works in the MediCorps and becomes a doctor, then he ends up meeting Cody on Geonosis.

TW: Medical Gore (I think?)

What came after by galateaGalvanized  http://archiveofourown.org/works/29595831 

Obi-Wan has gone full Sith and is on Mandalore, Cody and the 212th go to get their general.

#ao3 fanfic #star wars #codywan #fanfic #sw prequels #the clone wars #codywan fanfic #codywan fic recs #fic recs #holy shit this was longer than I anticipated #this took me like 2 hours to put together so y'all better be grateful #possibly triggering

[hcuyk]

SYNOPSIS : changmin loves you. the happier ending to kidult

PAIRING : daycareworker!changmin x genderneutral!reader

GENRES : established relationship, daycare au, angst, fluff, features the boyz as children

WARNINGS : mentions of car accident and child neglect

TEASER WORD COUNT : 329

ESTIMATED WORD COUNT : 7-10k

ESTIMATED RELEASE DATE : within the next week. i lied its coming out when i get time cause why tf is my college doing sm

TAGLIST : @stealanity @yourjaylaks @wooyoung-a @kimaya2209 @armysantiny @changminurheart @moonieric @sunfics @deputyjuyeon @simpforsunwoo @nyujjan @i6swoo @karsohn @nilesig @twentysixofmays @changmin-wrlds @mavericsohn @lisori @nanamioo @enhacolor @kyswoo @sunwoahkim @jaerisdiction @yunkiwii @ja4hyvn @choielyssa @crazywittysassy @yenart @sleepymoon27 @st1ngrayz — lmk if you want to be added!

A/N : to all the patient people who stuck with me for two years and waited for this very moment. i never thought this was going to happen, but here we are. jeonghan's teaser will release twelve hours from now

K. COLLECTION [J.CM] ONE | TWO

Tears began to stream down your face, unable to hold them back, and you were thankful Changmin missed it, but when you heard him apologize, you turned around and snapped at him.

“What the hell do you even want?”

“I want to talk to you.”

“You had two weeks to talk to me!” you yelled, fighting the loudness of the rain. The stream of tears ran faster down your cheeks as you brought a hand to your forehead, shielding the rain from getting into your eyes.

“I tried!”

“By knocking on my door for an hour straight at two in the fucking morning?! You could’ve called! You have a key!”

“Well it’s not like you tried either—”

“I got hit by a car!” you screamed, storming towards him as the sky reflected your mood. The thunder was just as loud as the pounding in your heart, and the rain poured just as much as your tears. You pushed Changmin, and behind him you saw a crack of lightning. Your vision started to blur as you didn’t hold back your sobs, wanting to show him the pain he’d inflicted on you ever since he left.

“I got hit by a car, Changmin! What about you? Were you hit by a car?! A truck? Perhaps a plane?” You forced out a manic laugh before continuing. “Wait, no, don’t tell me. Let me guess,-”

“Y/N—”

“-mauled by a bear?”

“I can explain-”

“Tell me I’m goddamn overreacting.” You took a step forward, and instead of pushing him again, you stared, making him look at the pain he created. “Tell me I’m overreacting, Jichang. Look me in my eyes and say it loud and clear.”

“I knew you’d be there for me.”

“I missed you, I needed you-”

“I know.”

“The day I lose you is the day I lose myself.”

“I don’t want you to wake up and realize I’m not the one for you. I don’t want that for us.”

it isn't a vae fic if there isn't angst Y'ALL AREN'T ESCAPING 👹👹 if i take longer than a week with this fic, i'll post a second (happier) teaser

it's been two years guys!! i'll be surprised if anyone sees this at all. if you do, please reblog and share, or even give me some support/hype in the comments. i want everyone who wanted a happy ending to see this <3

#kidult `` oneshot #ji changmin #the boyz #tbz #the boyz timestamps #the boyz angst #the boyz fluff #the boyz scenarios #changmin x reader #the boyz imagines #the boyz fanfiction #tbz ff #the boyz reaction #lee sangyeon #jacob bae #kim younghoon #lee hyunjae #lee juyeon #kevin moon #choi chanhee #ju haknyeon #kim sunwoo #eric sohn

[bylightofdawn]

WIP SUNDAY

Holy shit, how long has it been since we had one of these??

I've started the prequel fic for my CodyWan modern AU which takes place 10 years before It Only Knocks Twice.

I thought about writing a fic following them through the war but you guys? I just finished a 200K monster that's taken me a year and a good chunk of my sanity to write, I am simply NOT up for something that deep or involved. So hopefully this will serve.

I will admit, this is reigniting my love for this AU and I have some ideas percolating including a complete crack ship fic of Rex who is struggling to recover from the war, has been pressured into joining the Protectors by Jango as his second choice for heir since he always had an eye on Cody taking up the job of replacing him. Look Jango is kinda a dick n this fic cause well..he is a dick in canon sorry not sorry

And then Fenn Rau who's been holding down the fort while the Fett boys have been gallivanting off to fight in a war halfway around the world and is rightfully annoyed at the blatant nepotism going down.

I was kinda toying with the idea in my brain years ago but it got shelved but now I might actually write this fic at some point.

ANYWAY context for this fic. Takes place after Utapau, Grievous is dead, Dooku didn't die and sang like a fucking canary so Palpatine's entire house of cards has crumpled and both sides are kinda like wtf, I guess we'll try peace? As a nod to ATOTC, Obi-Wan nearly dies in an unfortunate blue-on-blue incident and is recovering at a nearby hospital when he receives the call that Qui-Gon had been murdered by Maul and this accelerates his plans to leave service.

Cue all the pining and regrets about things never said and actions never taken.

After years of war between the Republic and the Confederacy of Independent States, the war was on the cusp of being over.

The death of General Grievous on the battlefield of Utapau had been the final nail in the coffin that broke the CIS’s back. Of course, the capture of Count Dooku and the damning accusations against Chancellor Palpatine had helped to bring the Republic as well.

Both sides were tired and weary of the war by that part. The realization the entire bloody conflict which had killed countless people being engineered by a set up of corrupt politicians who wanted yet more power had cut through both sides like a wildfire.

Widespread protests and demands for an immediate ceasefire had cropped up across the Republic and the CIS.

Cody and his troops were just as angry and outraged as the civilian population but they unfortunately didn’t have the luxury of throwing down their weapons in disgust out of protest.

If he was being honest with himself, he didn’t know how far that sense of duty would have gone if the generals demanded they head right back out onto the battlefield.

Knowing they had unwittingly propagated an unjust war that had led to the decimation of countless civilians and left some nations on the brink of ruination was a hard pill to swallow, and he’d heard the whispers of displeasure and bitterness from more than one veteran in his battalion.

As company Commander, he’d done his best to ignore and pretend he didn’t hear those grumbles of displeasure. In truth, he shared some of those sentiments and while a worrying amount of his more veteran soldiers were making statements about wanting to cash out and return home out of disgust for the war, he knew in his heart of hearts, that wasn’t for him.

No, he wanted to help to break the things that he had accidentally broken.

He enjoyed service and while he knew his father would have been delighted to have him return home after his ‘rebellious’ decision to join up with the Republic’s war rather than maintain Mandalore’s stubborn neutrality, he knew he was doing the best here.

His talents would be wasted back home in some cushy job with the Protectors.

Besides, there was another—more selfish—reason for wanting to staying in the GAR.

They’d claimed a beaten-up loveseat that overlooked the scrub brush and desert that led out to the distant mountains. The land was harsh, but it had a beauty that had been lacking in other desert climes he’d seen during the war, such as Geonosis.

Little Gods, but he hated that place with its endless dust storms and red sand, which had gotten everywhere. Or maybe he hated how much blood had blended in with the sand and how much death he’d seen during the First Battle of Geonosis.

That had been before he’d been assigned to Obi-Wan’s batallion and while he would never say a bad word against Mace Windu as a commanding officer, that particular battle had been a shitshow and far too many people had died.

And what was worse, a year later they’d found themselves back in that same gods forsaken country being shelled out of their minds by Seppie artillery.

Yet here they were in another kriffing desert but this time with the hopeful promise that the war might at long last be coming to a close. If Utapau hadn’t very nearly killed Obi-Wan, he might have actually enjoyed the austere landscape.

But it was hard when the man sitting next to him was still dressed in hospital-issued pajamas and a threadbare robe. At least he no longer had those awful tubes and IV’s sticking out of him. It had been an all too poignant reminder that after three years of hell, just as the end was in sight, he’d very nearly lost Obi-Wan Kenobi.

And to nearly lose him to a blue-on-blue friendly fire accident was all the worse. If he hadn’t been wearing his body armor, he would be dead now.

Cody wasn’t sure what he would have done with himself if that had happened.

After three years of bottling up his feelings, of promising himself that once the war was over and they were free of the constraints of the chain of command, he would finally tell Obi-Wan exactly how he felt about him.

Hopefully, the other man would feel the same way which…judging by the fact they sat there enjoying the sunset over the desert with their hands so close together their fingers were brushing, hidden as they were beneath the folds of the other man’s robe? Cody was optimistic the other man returned his feelings.

“How are the men holding up?”

“As good as can be expected. Lots of mixed feelings about everything.”

“It’s awful, I completely understand their feelings.” Obi-Wan had made little secret of the fact that he’d intended on resigning his commission once the war was over with. He wasn’t built for war, he claimed. But Cody thought differently, the man had been one of the best commanding officers he’d ever had.

He was a natural leader, one who was there with his men through thick and thin. He’d sweated and starved with them throughout the bloody years, had bled and at times cried at the senseless tragedy they’d seen.

Losing him would be a blow to the 212th but Cody kept those words firmly in check because he didn’t want to lay any sense of obligation or guilt on the man who had given so selflessly for them over the years.

“I can’t believe it myself. All of this death and heartache? Just because Palpatine wanted more power? Wanted to regain some banthashit glory about a lost Empire?” He couldn’t help the anger that threaded through his words.

“I understand, Cody.” Obi-Wan’s fingers shifted and he covered his hand with his and squeezed gently. The empathy in the redhead’s eyes was genuine and Cody felt something unnamable well up in his chest.

“I’m so ready for this war to be over with, sir.” He confessed softly, and it was a testament to how tired he was that he had even spoken that truth.

Obi-Wan’s expression shifted minutely, and that empathy shifted into a weary sort of understanding. “Me too, Cody.”

The words were spoken between them almost like a secret.

And in that quietude the resided between them, the familiar spark of longing could be felt on both sides. Obi-Wan’s fingers tightened around Cody’s almost imperceptibly as though he could sink as much meaning as he was allowed through that brief physical touch.

But then, the moment was shattered with the arrival of one of the hospital aides who stepped out of the doors and towards them.

Both struggled to pull themselves back together as he approached with a nervous look on his face.

“Commander Kenobi? There’s an urgent message for you.”

Concern flashed across Obi-Wan’s face and he carefully levered himself to his feet with a wince of pain.

“Of course, lead the way.” He said and shot one final regretful glance over at Cody.

Cody forced a smile for Obi-Wan’s benefit as the redhead walked away.

He had no idea that call would change their lives irrevocably.

#WIP Sunday #fanfiction snippet #el writes #as yet untitled codywan prequel #star wars fanfiction #commander cody #obi-wan kenobi #codywan

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Is it okay to ask you questions about leech in the rain? I know it's cowriten (I think?) feel free to ignore if not and sorry if so. Why did the tribe exile Jacob? I mean, if I remember correctly, there was already a shapeshipster in love with a child, and it's not like a woman hasn't been attacked before, additionally in the last chapter it was confirmed that she was hurt when she refused her imprinted's advances so, is Jacob's behavior (terrible yes I know) not.... Normal? For them at least? To my eyes it just feels like they are all equally morally reprehensible (except for the fucking Bella because she looks like her daughter, what in the actual fuck).

On that same note, in what world does Bella live? And can I get the coordinates so I can go there myself and hit her with some truths (and a baseball)? I love you guys' fanfic so much, it's killing me and I love it.

Anon is referring to Leech in the Rain, a fic by myself and @therealvinelle. A post explaining how the wolves could leave Jacob.

First, look @therealvinelle, praise!

What's Up with Jacob

It's a little different than what's been happening with Quil.

No one's happy about Quil, at all, but they're trying to work with it. He's limited to seeing her only once a week and in the capacity of a babysitter. We're presuming in this story that he never tries to see her more often as she grows older, he's a fairly distant figure now that she's in elementary school, and that there are very clear boundaries.

Jacob... never did that even from the little we see in Breaking Dawn.

Day one, he's over at the Cullens non-stop and even telling Bella when she can and cannot see her daughter. He doesn't live at their house but it's a pretty close thing and he's spending A LOT of time with Renesmee.

In @therealvinelle's fic Bleach on the Brain, this persists as Renesmee has grown into what her species is adulthood and he's making it very clear that he intends to make advances on her sexually when she's deemed ready, probably by Edward or the moment she turns seven.

Already we're in a very different world than Quil that has made Leah, Seth, Quil, and Embry deeply uncomfortable.

Still, there was no helping it and all of them knew that. The only thing they can do as shifters is make the best of these potential situations and if the Cullens see nothing wrong then surely they're also blowing it out of proportion and it's not as bad as it seems.

Well then they have an interesting day.

They learn that Jake has intentionally mauled his imprint, a little girl no matter how old she looks, so as to prevent her from escaping him. Sam unintentionally mauled Emily, but the key word there was that it was an accident.

What Jake did, and presumably accidentally revealed off screen via shifting, was that his was... not accidental and that he had intended to hold her hostage in La Push.

Not only has what Jake done is terrible and against what they stand for but he's actively putting the tribe at risk just to get what he wants. By attacking Renesmee and kidnapping her to tribal territory, he's breaking the treaty in the most flagrant way he can and sparking a war (as presumably the Cullens will come to take her back).

Then Jacob starts demanding they go after the escaped Cullens with Renesmee to kidnap her back to La Push (again, treaty issues there), and oh by the way they're going to have to confront the king of the vampires to do this.

This is not the same as what happened last time, where the Volturi were coming very close to La Push territory and threatening their people, and where they were all but assured this wasn't a fight.

The person the tribe originally made the treaty with is gone leaving Edward Cullen as their presumed leader. And Jacob wants to drag them to Africa where they may all very well be killed and leave their land defenseless just so he can get back Renesmee who it seemed like did not want anything to do with him.

Jacob does not back down and effectively leaves the other wolves, and the tribe itself, no choice but to excommunicate him and deny him all resources to enact any of this.

But yes, that's the reasoning of why Sam and Quil are cool but Jake is suddenly not.

What World Does Bella Live In?

Planet Bella, a place made of doublethink.

To explain what's up with Bella a little, she's one of the characters who has the least information (tied, perhaps, with poor clueless Emmett) and has made up her mind based on the information she has and those things she absolutely cannot lose faith in.

She wasn't there for Carlisle's initial attempts to use medical equipment to save Renesmee's life and believes he started in on the venom. Given the nature of how it was deployed, and how much time he'd been spending with her, and how Renesmee had changed during the past week, and what Jacob was telling her, she believes this was sexual in nature.

Carlisle then tells her that Edward's face is burning in the living room.

To Bella, Carlisle looks far more unhinged than Edward, as this strange story of Edward suddenly sexually assaulting Carlisle, conveniently while Jacob is out randomly mauling his imprint in the woods, is unbelievable to her.

She believes that what Jake did had to be an accident or at least not intended to hurt her (as he can't hurt her, she's his imprint) and that Carlisle is trying to manipulate the entire family and that he's just a deranged lunatic.

Now, of course, much of this is supported on Bella's desperate need for her marriage with Edward and her friendship with Jacob to work, but to be fair she wasn't around for most of it and this all sounds messed up from every angle.

Her perfect family fell apart in a week. SOMEBODY'S GOT TO BE RESPONSIBLE.

#twilight #twilight renaissance #bleach on the brain #leech in the rain #jacob black #twilight quileute #sam uley #quil atera #renesmee cullen #emily young #claire young #bella swan #meta #opinion #whocares-idont

[goddamnwebcomics]

Lessee what we have for this batch...

- League of Super Redundant Heroes

Not sure if I suggested this one in the past about stupid superheroes (including a blind guy with bike handles on his head and laser eyes, an actual Mary Sue who's his girlfriend, a cowgirl who makes no sense, and a guy that levitate cats) but putting it up front just to cover that base

-Delta Dawn

A particularly infamous "superhero" comic that tries to be a social justice comic tackling racism and sexism while apparently unintentionally doing both those thing somehow? It's either that or intentionally being bad to prove it's point, but it doesnt have the self awareness to do it right? Apparently tries to have a protagonist and antagonist story run side by side too? You know it's bad when I see character names and I can't tell if it's being hyperbolic or if that's literally what the characters are called...

-Black Magic by SacredHyacinth

Magic teens in a future apocalyptic setting have magic jewelry to protect them as they live in a city that doesn't want them to have their jewelry for some reason? Things for the comics lore and worldbuilding just are half explained haphazardly as it goes on...

-My Alien Girlfriend (doesn't know I'm an alien)

Another webtoon comic. Comedy romance about two dating aliens in obvious disguise. Drawn rather poorly, lots of fanservice without going all the way to being porn, and very poor humor... literally the girlfriend looks like a clown character from another, and I believe actual porn, comic the author had a hand in.

-Parallax by m falke

Sort of a hybrid magical girl/superhero thing. A boy is given a little box that turns him into a ninja looking hero to fight monsters. Haven't read too much, but the art style is interesting looking at least.

- Bittersweet Candy Bowl by Veronica "taeshi" Vera

A furry teen drama comic about an angsty Mary Sue white cat named Lucy and love triangles upon triangles upon etc. So odd, cause some characters are fully dressed and some aren't, Lucy has like two bird pets, but they can talk? And oh so many perfect reaction images from the cat blobs.

- Black Jade by Steele Snover

Lesbian mad scientist villain makes a raygun that turns other women gay as well. She literally gets a girlfriend and from that point onward the comic has no idea what it wants to do with itself. The author notoriously asked for $1600 a month to keep this comic going I believe.

-Don't know if youd do written fanfic riffing at all, but One Piece: This Bites by Xomniac might be worth tearing into if you ever get around to doing that. It's basically a self insert fic involving a fan of One Piece who abuses his knowledge of the series like mad after a literal RNG God decides to matoon him in that world. It kinda tries to ground the anime in reality and to be more "hard core" by mauling the main character and torturing villains and such.

-...lets be honest here ANYTHING by Dave Cheung

Just. Wow. Dave Cheungs list of wretchedness is something frankly unbelievable from what I've heard there's sexism, snuff and a lack of holding back all wrapped up in a generic non-anime style... US Angel Core is the absolute worst in particular as it is just...disturbed, like seriously bottom of the barrel disgustingness as it kills characters and subjects them to heaps of abuse to the point i dont even reccomend you look into it, its that fucking disgusting. Literally anything else, this one isn't so much a recc as it is a warning...

Already on the rifflist

This sounds like an easy target so why not

The lady from Keeping Up Appearances made a webcomic? Oh this is trying to be ART and DEEP. I can tell it from the somewhat pretentious artstyle alone.

This thing is ridiciulously short, so I'm on the edge. Wait porn???

This might be too competent.

Ohhh no no no no no. Did you miss the submission page rules? The author's husband will kill anyone who criticises the comic

Oh, it's been a while since we've gotten some good old lesploitation.

I don't really riff written work unless it's done by one of our usual suspects or other webcomic makers

Ah, Cheung's work we're familiar with. U.S. Angel Corps is on the rifflist and I am very wary of riffing it, but I say Cheung deserves to be brutally riffed.

[miraakulous-cloud-district]

TES summer fest, day 7

Hi, hello. I had waay too much fun with @tes-summer-fest the other day and each and every like I got boosted my self esteem to write and post again, so here we are!

Prompt: Ceremony (fake wedding time!!) also this happens before Ravonna meets Miraak

Warnings: some inappropriate language

Word count: 2071

Characters: Ravonna, Lucien Flavius, Inigo, Rumarin, Maramal and the Temple of Mara priests and priestesses, Brynjolf and Maul (mentioned), Marurio & pretty much the whole Bee and Barb

People reading my stuff and leaving likes give me so much serotonin, I appreciate it very much. If you like what you see, maybe give me a follow. I’m definitely going to post more of Ravonna and her merry little fellowship. I’m also seriously considering writing this fic over the summer.

Sneak peek: “Earlier today, Maramal, the priest had one amulet on him. He came here preaching about Mara’s forgiveness and how we’re all sinning in this city. He went back to the temple with it. I don’t think he’ll give it to you willingly, though. He assumes we’re all thieves. Pfft, look at him, drinking spring water in a tavern with some of the best mead in all of Skyrim!”

“And this temple, where is it?” Ravonna smirked mischievously.

“You go to the market, and then cross the bridge to the left. You’ll see the statues of Mara, believe me.”

She grinned and he gave her a confused look. “Wanna do something weird?”

***

“Shit!” she said, between a whisper and a scream. The tunnel was dark and wet and full of skeevers. Not an ideal place to be sneaky.

“Everything all right?”

“No, Inigo, everything is not alright!” Lucien snaped. “We’re in Thieves guild territory, for Gods’ sakes!”

“Stop shouting! You’re going to attract all the filthy thieves and skeevers.” Ravonna said from somewhere ahead. “The last thing I want to do is deal with Brynjolf and his ‘Never done an honest day's work in your life for all that coin you're carrying, lass?’ again” she said, in a mocking tone and copying his accent, which made Rumarin chuckle and Lucien sigh. “Or worse! Fucking Maul.”

“Fucking Maul” echoed Inigo, agreeing.

“Do you think all the Thieves Guild members are that mean and frustrated?” Lucien wondered.

“Well, for the record, they have to live like this!” Rumarin gesticulated around him. “If I lived in a cistern full of thrown booze and skeevers, I’d be pretty cranky myself.”

“I’m sorry, guys, this is all my fault. I just – I can’t lose this amulet…”

“Hei, Ravonna” Inigo said, touching what he thought was her shoulder.

“Not Ravonna, mate” Lucien giggled and casted candlelight on him again.

“Damn! Ravonna!” he said, this time turning to her “It was not your fault. Don’t worry, we’re going to find that amulet. It fell right in this area. And us? We’re here because we chose to, because we want to help you.”

Her face softened and she lost all the tension in her body. “Thank you.” She said, softly.

“Besides, I see this as a perfect opportunity to see the wonders of Riften! Real undergound attraction, this one.” Rumarin said and there was a pause “Pun absolutely intended. No brochure or journal entry said there would be relaxing cistern bathing with the skeevers!”

At that, Ravonna finally laughed along with the rest of her companions. Oh, Rumarin lightened the mood like no other. Still, she couldn’t lose that amulet. It was but a simple amulet of Julianos, but it was too special for her. It was from her father. He bought it for her right after she cast her first spell, at the tender age of six. She remembers it like it happened yesterday. She was in their yard with Teldryn, of course; the dunmer was very proud when he found out that she looked up to him and wanted to learn magic, and so he quickly took her under his wing. Yes, she was incredibly young, and her old man was stressed beyond his mind, but she had potential, she had that sparkle in her eyes. Besides, Teldryn promised his brother that he would be extremely careful, so his adoptive daughter would be safe. And that day, she cast her first fire spell. She jumped and laughed in excitement as she ran to the tavern to show her dad what she’d done. As scared and fascinated as he was, along with the rest of the clients nearby, he was extremely proud, and reached for his pocket and pulled out this amulet.

“I bought it when you said you wanted to do magic, and promised myself that I would give it to you only after you’ve cast your first spell. Take it, it will improve your magic from what I know.” He told her, very proud. If only he were alive to see her wield magic now!

“This is pointless!” she said, snapping back to reality. “Maybe someone’s already stolen it.”

“I think I saw someone walk up the stairs on the other side when we got here.” Rumarin said.

“Well, why didn’t you say anything? Which direction did he go?” Ravonna asked, hope creeping up on her.

“I think towards the inn. It wouldn’t hurt to check it out. We’ve looked everywhere down here.”

“Well, what are we waiting for?”

As they entered The Bee and Barb, all eyes fell upon them. They didn’t exactly look like they had the best day. Soaked in cistern water, with clothes that have become ragged from the road and not a particularly pleasant smell following them. For now, though, they were just happy they were inside, safe from the coldness of the night. Ravonna saw the imperial wearing mage robes and eating plain bread. He caught her eye.

“Ah, another mage. Surely, he would want an amulet such as mine. I’ll talk to him. You guys see what you can find out about a lost amulet of Julianos with the rest of the people in here.”

“Sure thing” Lucien said, and went straight to the innkeeper.

She sat right next to the imperial mage, instantly realizing that the bench was too small for her to be comfortable. But alas, here she was. He gave her a look of worry combined with slight disgust.

“Rough night?” he asked her, taking another bite from his bread.

“Oh, you have no idea.”

“Perhaps you’d do better with a master of destruction by your side!”

“What, mate?”

“For a modest fee, I'll bring my formidable arcane powers to bear against your foes. What do you say? No offense, but it looks like you could use the help.”

“Um, thanks, but, you see there’s – there’s not a lot of room in the fellowship as of now.” She said, awkwardly.

“No problem, if you change your mind, seek me out here.”

“I actually came here to ask you if you saw any lost amulet of Julianos…”

“I had you figured for a mage!” he said enthusiastically. “But no, I haven’t seen any amulets of Julianos out here. Magic isn’t really appreciated in these parts of Tamriel…” sadness started showing on his face, giving Ravonna the hint that he may be feeling a bit left out, sitting all day in this corner, isolated and eating bread.

“Wait, I think I did see something.”

“What?” Ravonna’s eyes sparkled with hope

“Earlier today, Maramal, the priest had one amulet on him. He came here preaching about Mara’s forgiveness and how we’re all sinning in this city. He went back to the temple with it. I don’t think he’ll give it to you willingly, though. He assumes we’re all thieves. Pfft, look at him, drinking spring water in a tavern with some of the best mead in all of Skyrim!”

“And this temple, where is it?” Ravonna smirked mischievously.

“You go to the market, and then cross the bridge to the left. You’ll see the statues of Mara, believe me.”

She grinned and he gave her a confused look. “Wanna do something weird?”

After a bit of planning in the bathrooms, the fellowship sat at a table in the center of the inn, right in the spotlight. Minutes of trying to act normal have passed and Rumarin finally got up, and took Ravonna’s hands in his. After clearing his throat loudly, he began:

“My love, my darling, the fairest of them all!” He said, loudly, creating a scene as every eye in the whole tavern turned to them. He smiled at the success of his plan and continued: “You are as fine as the night with no clouds. Your hair as dark as the darkness itself and your skin as fair as the pavements of Whiterun! I was but a young, lost lad, milking cows and picking flowers for a living before I met you. AH! But no cow is as beautiful as you, my love, and no flower matches your cistern smell right this moment. But I would not have it any other way! For I love you with all my body and all my being! And what a fine night it is indeed” he said, getting on one knee. Ravonna, playing her part is now shedding tears, while her companions cheer loudly. “My sweetroll, would you do me the honor, of walking that fine bottom of yours down the aisle at the Temple of Mara tonight? For we shall be wed, as only true lovers do!”

“Yes! Oh a thousand times yes, my sweet honey-bear! Our love is truly like no other and we shall be wed! Tonight! I can wait it no longer! If only there were a priest here tonight…” she said, extremely theatric.

“You wish to be wed? It’s wonderful to see love blossoming in these dark times!” Maramal finally intervenes.

“Yes! We wish to be wed! Tonight! We wish to be wed right now!” Ravonna said, jumping with excitement.

“That’s good to see, but the temple is closed-”

“Actually, a temple such as Mara’s, the goddess of love and compassion, is to be open at all times, welcoming her children.” Lucien said, smug. He was right and he knew it.

“Well done, my son!” Rumarin said, clasping Lucien’s shoulder, earning a wide-eyes, shocked look from him. This was not part of the plan, but he loved improvising and making his friends as uncomfortable as possible.

“Very well, come with me” said the priest, defeated.

***

“We gather here today, under Mara's loving gaze, to bear witness to the union of two souls in eternal companionship. May they journey forth together in this life and the next, in prosperity and poverty, and in joy and hardship. Do you agree to be bound together, in love, now and forever?”

“I do, now and forever” Ravonna said in a very dramatic manner. Inigo and Lucien were sobbing on a bench next to them, blowing their noses and cheering occasionally. They were having fun with this.

“Do you agree to be bound together, in love, now and forever?” the priest now turned to Rumarin, and just as he opened his mouth to pledge his love to Ravonna, the temple doors flung open, and barging in came Marcurio, panting.

“Stop the wedding! Stop the wedding, for Mara’s sake!” he said, as he came running to the altar.

“You cannot marry her! I won’t let you go! Not this time and not ever again! Rumarin,” he said, taking both of his hands in his “I was a fool! I didn’t realize just how much you mean to me. I- I’ve never felt like this before, and so I ran. Because I was afraid. Afraid of the unknown, oh but now I know, my big, beautiful bastard of an elf! I know it and I feel like flying, and screaming, and telling everyone!”

“Tell them what?” Rumarin asked, his voice shaking.

“Tell them what I should have told you long ago. Tell them that I love you.” He said, and the whole temple gasped. “I love you. I love you so much, more than I can put into words.”

“What? Are you seriously considering giving up on everything we have for – for this guy? You never even told me about him!”

“You never told her about us?! I mean, in hindsight, I guess that it would have ruined your little relationship. Clearly, she can never be me.”

“Oh you pompous mage! I have had it with you. You come here on my wedding night, uninvited, on a quest to destroy my relationship! I’ll make you pay!” Ravonna said, through gritted teeth, and immediately launched herself at Marcurio. They started throwing fake punches and throwing each other to the floor. It was a wrestling match. All of the priests and priestesses were either looking in terror, or trying to stop the fight. Nobody even noticed Inigo slipping away to the chambers and retrieving the amulet.

***

Later that night, they were on the road, because they have all agreed that they caused too much of a stir to stay in Riften anyway. They were heading to Windhelm after hearing rumors of that Aretino boy. After what they’ve done, Marcurio has more than earned his spot in the fellowship, and happily walked beside Lucien and Inigo, talking to Lucien about Cyrodiil and Dwarven ruins.

“Now that’s a fuckery! We did a great job tonight. Thank you again.” Ravonna told Rumarin.

“Don’t mention it. It was fun.” he smirked.

“Yeah, it was. And I never knew you were such an actor!”

“Oh please, I was raised by troubadours. Drama surrounded my life.”

“This meant a lot to me, I’m almost willing to ignore the fact that you subtly called me a cow.”

“Oh, it was for comedic purposes only, I swear! Besides, I can’t go full romance mode on you now, can I? My charms would be too much to handle.” And with that he earned a playful punch to the chest.

#tesfest22 #writing #my writing #oc: ravonna #prompt: ceremony #skyrim #rumarin #marcurio #inigo #lucien flavius #my oc

[rjalker]

The dream I had several days ago that I keep saying I'll write down. Well I'm finally done writing the last chapter of that fic, so now I have time to write it down.

I would like to preface this with an extremely indignant protest. This was just stupid. This is not how a society is meant to be run. So rude. Had I been lucid dreaming I would have just mauled the guy who's not my husband, but nooooo, I was just along for the stupid ride.

Alright. It did not make any sense. At all. It didn't even really have a beginning, I just got plopped down right in the middle.

Apparently in this stupid society, people did not make babies by the normal form of sexual reproduction. Nope, they were like angler fish, but also not. These people definitely were not humans, though I couldn't actually see them well enough to say what they actually looked like besides being bipedal and mostly being yellow or dark orange with red, brown, or black accents for their "hair".

Okay. So for these people, I mentioned anglerfish. Because male anglerfish will just bite onto a (much much larger) female, and just. They literally just stay attached for the rest of their lives and then the female angler fish just fertilizes her eggs with the male's DNA because he's literally right there attached to her.

This was kinda like that, except not, and it was extremely stupid.

These people just go around chopping their own limbs off and giving them to people as gifts. Usually a leg, because they had three legs and were capable of walking and balancing on two like humans do. They were kinda like plants, so as long as you had an open space to put the new limb and kept it clean and wrapped up, you'd heal right over it and it would just become a part of your body and be perfectly fine. Sometimes it didn't work, and it just fell off or dried out, but that was more of a problem before they got modern medicine down to a science.

Anyways. The whole thing was supposed to be someone going "oh hey I like them I think we should make babies" and they'd, you know, ask "hey if I chop off a limb will you accept it". Like, they could regrow their limbs, but it takes a while and would be inconvenient if you did it for no reason.

...Okay and I just now realized they were grafting for genetic diversity. Okay. cool. Epic. Don't know why that took me three days to figure out.

Anyways, the whole species was in theory capable of producing fruit/babies, but just due to different levels of health and stuff, some people ended up favoring producing pollen rather than fruit, since fruiting would take up too much of their energy. And because this dream was stupid, the people who produced fruit were known in these relationships as wives, and the people who produced pollen were their husbands. Because stupidity and boringness.

okay anyways no more exposition. I was me but not lucid and not actually able to affect the dream at all. I was riding around in someone else's head but also watching from third person sometimes?? Anyways, hir name was Mora, which just means mulberry, and ze was out I guess shopping at the mall or something when suddenly this zyg with a fucking giant sword comes running up and just chops off hir arm! And Mora just stands there like "Wow. Uncalled for." and I'm like???? what the fuck??? How the fuck is that your only reaction??

And then the zyg was like shouting something and I have no idea what ve said. At all.

And then some random other mall-shoppers showed up and were like "oh yeah ve's been running around all day chopping people's arms off and giving them vir limbs. We think ve escaped from some experimental lab or something". and then Mora fell unconscious? for some reason. It's not like ze had any blood to lose or like it was an actual injury that's serious. Just to be dramatic I guess.

Anyways, the next thing I knew I was in the "runs around chopping people's arms off line an asshole" zyg's house and ve was being yelled at by the first person ve traded limbs with, and ne was shouting something along the lines of: "This is getting ridiculous! You can't bring home any more wives! You have too many wives! This house isn't big enough for all of us, and I mean that literally! We are out of room!"

And ve was like D:< don't tell me what to do!!! D:< and ne just smacked vir with a sock and said, "Shut up! I'm not kidding! We have literally nowhere to put anyone else! If you try to adopt even one more person, their entire family line sue you for all of my fucking money! Our species is not on the brink of collapse, chill the fuck out!"

Because apparently this zyg was an accidental time traveller who was from some period in time where Shit Had Hit The Fan because of a blight, so everyone was always frantically trading grafts in the hopes of making fruits that would grow up to be resistant to it, and that, supposedly, was why ve was going around chopping people's arms off without permission.

Except that doesn't even make sense. But like I said this dream was stupid as fuck. And no I didn't get to point out this inconsistancy because I couldn't talk to anyone I was just a spectator. Boooriiiiing.

Anyways, I got teleported again to where Mora was, since apparently the time traveller zyg was like, Idk, weird. Or maybe the sword was weird. Either way, ve didn't have to actually cut vir own limbs off to give to people, ve just had to cut their limb off, and they would regrow one with vir genetics.

And apparently this part at least was magic, so I could, theoretically, excuse this stupidity. But I won't. Because this dream was stupid and rude.

Since these people would now be growing one of this zyg's limbs, that meant they were now all magically bonded together with a Fucking Stupid Fucking Sound Bond. So now they'd all automatically like this zyg and not be mad about the whole "haha ve ran up to me and chopped my arm off without asking" thing -.-

Have I mentioned this whole thing was stupid? I'm saying it again: it was stupid.

So anyways. Mora was in some magical healing coma thing ze would be in until hir new stupid magical soul bond arm regrew. And this part was definitely from me watching people play Alien: Isolation, because at one point I guess ze woke up slightly and just crawled into this, like, fish tank thing to sleep. Because ze liked sleeping in confined spaces. And that's definitely because Ripley's constantly climbing through the AC vents lol.

And yeah I have no idea what else happened. But yeah. This was annoying in the exasperated "this is the stupidest thing I've ever heard" way.

Especially because Mora was just all chill about getting an arm chopped off and I was like?? why??

#Rjalker has weird dreams #ask to tag #IDK it was stupid

[phoenixyfriend]

Fake Sith TCW Trio

I have another fucked up time-travel AU! Who’s surprised? (Nobody.)

So like. Have you guys read that one fic where Luke and his students go back in time and pretend to be Sith Lords and are super hammy about it? (Sith Lord Swell by AMournfulHowlInTheNight)

This AU has contributions by @atagotiak, @the-lunar-system, @purronronner, @gelpenss, @creepingthroughthistidalwave, and @thisarenotarealblog.

I want TCW trio (plus Rex and Cody) to go back to several years pre-TPM and, since the Council DEFINITELY won't believe them about the Sith being back... they'll force the issue.

Anakin is weirdly excited about things and building up their backstory.

Anakin: Okay so I can definitely be a Maul type, with the unhinged ranting and manic laughter, Obi-Wan can be the whole Refined Rich Guy type like Dooku, where you can't even tell he's evil until he starts talking about getting out the eyeball scoops, maybe toss in a bit of mad science stuff? Ahsoka could play up like Ventress OR, oh oh, she can be the Light Side Child we need to PROTECT who's publicly begging us to return to the Light after our big dramatic Falls where we murdered like eighty people to save her, and-- Obi-Wan: Why are you never this enthusiastic about actual undercover missions. Ahsoka: Did you just have all this ready to go, or...? Anakin: WE COULD GET YELLOW CONTACT LENSES FOR ME.

Obi-Wan: How's my evil laugh?

Anakin going “Okay.. so if any of us need to murder someone to sell the bit it should be me, I think I could handle it the best. Why? No reason.”

Obi-Wan: I'm not sure a complete Fall could come from protecting Ahsoka, really-- Anakin: No, no, it could.

Obi-Wan: Surely you’d hold back because you realize neither of us want that for you. Anakin: Uh. Sure. Definitely.

Obi-Wan points out that none of them can channel the dark side to Prove they're Sith and Anakin just goes "Okay, give me like two seconds to stew in my negativity and--right, you can stop staring in horror, please."

Anakin rambles on that they can TOTALLY make the galaxy a better place while playing at being Sith! He's got a whole LIST of slave empires to "take over" and disassemble!

Anakin has a whole excited spiel about how EVIL soldiers and assistants are minions, in this case partly because Cody and Rex are too good at what they do to be mooks. Cody could pull off evil minion very well. Facial scar? Looks good in black? Quietly competent and sarcastic?

He also pushes for Obi-Wan to lounge in a fancy throne with a glass of wine while Anakin stalks the shadows and Ahsoka hangs out on the window ledge. The disaster lineage is dramatic, okay, Anakin’s just leaning into it, he’d appreciate it if everyone stopped looking at him like that.

Qui-Gon, surprisingly, ends up a skeptic about all of this. Everyone is freaking out about the Sith and he’s like “y’know I’m not even sure they’re darksiders.”

Some Jedi, possibly Qui-Gon for his conspiracy board, gets in a real risky situation and one of the Fake Sith saves them, but also panics and kinda drops character for a bit.

Jedi: You saved me! Why’d you do that? Anakin: I uh... just wanted the pleasure of killing you myself?

"You saved me. Why?" "Mmmm. Jedi." [walks away]

Qui-Gon: [trying to figure out what is up with these people semi-competently (from his perspective) pretending to be Sith] Dooku: [trying to protect Qui-Gon from Sith influence]

The gang is the most successful at pretending to be Sith to Dooku. Sure, they’re not gonna punish him for something he hasn’t done, but it’s not hard to act menacing and angry around him.

(They really do have so much fun irritating the heck out of Dooku. He hasn’t Fallen yet, but they want to keep an eye out.)

At some point, future Obi-Wan definitely drops that little tidbit of "What, you didn't think the Banites were the only Sith running around did you? You... didn't even know about the Banites. How... disappointing."

They REGULARLY use Ahsoka as an excuse to be marginally less terrible. They claim that if Ahsoka pouts, they stop. ‘Soka also uses them as an excuse for why she’s a lil feral. (To be fair, that one is accurate. She was already a lil feral before but it’s not like they did anything to stop it.) Ahsoka gets her "breaking into people's offices" jollies by bugging Nute Gunray's office.

The Jedi keep trying to Rescue Ahsoka.

Rex and Cody end up in real beskar, there's a whole Thing with Mandalore and Jango and Satine.

Obi-Wan is CONSISTENTLY worried about Anakin Falling for real, which... hey, at least he knows to be worried about Anakin Falling. Step up from canon, really.

Anakin is WAY too into killing the Hutts but like. It does... technically sell the bit.

Obi-Wan: Sure, I’m not sad that they’re dead, especially because we’re not connected to the Republic, so we don’t need to worry about starting a war and all that. But. Anakin is disturbingly cheerful about this. Rex: Wasn't he a Hutt slave? Obi-Wan: Well yes, but-- Rex: I'd kill Nala Se if I could get away with it.

Cody and Rex are very supportive of Anakin's murderous intentions.

Obi-Wan does understand anger, even killing someone in anger. Like Maul (the first time at least) and D’nar and a few others. All the same, like... y’know. The level of bloodthirst from the others is a little off-putting.

At one point, Anakin accidentally addresses young Obi-Wan by name, despite never having met before, and to cover it up, he... panic-flirts. He panics, and so he flirts, with young Obi-Wan.

(He will later blame this on old Obi-Wan, because he had to pick up the habit of flirting with the enemy from somewhere.)

Anakin vaguely implies that he's a wee bit obsessed with young Obi, and that the padawan should "get used to being the target of a dark-sider's interests," because he’s scrambling for Ominous Shit and, well, future Obi-Wan was pretty frequently a fixation point for darksiders, right?

The second he gets out, he just starts screaming into a bucket while Rex pats him on the back.

For the next however many terrible months, possibly years, he has to keep up the act while having an ongoing meltdown about how That's My Dad As A Twenty-Something.

(It doesn't help that young Obi-Wan reflexively flirted back.)

Old Obi-Wan, meanwhile, is just very "you dug this hole yourself, padawan."

There is an argument at the beginning about Obi-Wan’s outfit. If he’s gonna be a Sith, he can’t just go around in beige, but he’s like “I like this and it’s comfy.” Sure, he’s changed clothes for undercover stuff, but that’s always been temporary, y’know? He likes his beige.

We have a number of options.

My first instinct? Beige linen three piece suit, like a southern lawyer. "Now I may just be a simple Outer Rim force adept--"

And, of course, you can TOTALLY make the beige sinister: he’s impersonating a Jedi! Jedi impersonation would also explain why nobody has a red saber.

“Sure is good that the Jedi don’t seem to realize most of the galaxy doesn’t know red sabers are different and bad.” “Shhhh, stop poking holes in our story where a Jedi might overhear.”

Like.... if you do enough doublethink, it works! How would a Sith hide? In plain sight. Also, it’s a GREAT way (if they were actually assholes) to try to slander the Jedi name.

(Anakin and Ahsoka still think he could stand to put a little more effort in. Add a splash of color, for pity's sake!)

Though tbh part of me is like “What if Old Obi wore, like... a split skirt suit...” Victorian womenswear inspired because he misses his robes, but he has to look Professional, and like he's MOCKING Jedi instead of BEING one, so he wears a vintage-y split skirt thing over his leggings. Ends up looking a lot like what Ventress had for a while, but Beige. I also keep wanting to put him regency menswear.

Anyway. Obi-Wan’s wardrobe aside...

Anakin builds up his Tatoo accent again. It helps him with the (mostly true) "slavery helped me fall" backstory.

Either Cody or Rex offhandedly mentions being made to serve them (the Fake Sith) and now the Jedi are somewhat concerned about brainwashing. Are these Mandos the victims here?

“No like. Literally made for this. In a lab.” This is even more horrifying. So...

On the one hand good! The Jedi should be scared about Sith! On the other hand... it makes the Jedi more determined to stop them, specifically. They keep on getting in the way, just, all the time, and they’re not investigating the actual Sith problem, which is decidedly not great since the Team doesn’t actually know who’s a real Sith right now, except Maul, and who even knows where that guy is.

Obi-Wan, at some point: Do you think we've succeeded at this ruse... a little TOO well? Anakin: I don't follow. Obi-Wan, gesturing at the truly obnoxious amount of wealth they've collected, including "trophies" of their kills: Really? Because I'm a little worried! Anakin, planning out a battle to take on Nar Shadda: ...I'm not.

"How many people do we realistically we need to take over Hutt Space? Apparently... five."

(Mostly because Anakin is ridiculously op.)

ANAKIN AND YOUNG OBI GET KIDNAPPED BY PIRATES TOGETHER. It's tradition.

Anakin: Okay, so, I need to get really angry about something to pass as a Sith... time to think about my WIFE and how I'll NEVER SEE HER AGAIN.

Since Anakin’s life never goes as planned... this does not work. Instead of getting properly angry, he makes himself sad. There are tears. There is wailing. There’s a distraught rant or two. Young Obi ends up awkwardly trying to comfort him.

“Oh no, this… Sith?? Is crying on me. What do I do???”

Later on, when the Council wants intel: "So... one of the Sith cried on me about his wife. I think she's dead? He wasn't very clear about it but it, uh... it sounded like it might have contributed to his Fall. Also the relationship was a little unhealthy? He basically worshiped the ground she walked on and kept ranting about how he would have given her the galaxy on a platinum platter of she'd only asked, but that might be new and inspired by the Dark."

One of the random Jedi is REALLY good at detecting the truth Through The Force, and asks Anakin how he Fell...

Anakin just. Tells the Tuskens story.

They don't get pinged as lying, but oh boy does old Obi have a LOT of questions for Anakin once they're in private.

There are other things happening to help sell the ruse. Some of them are necessary! Some of them are... not.

Obi-Wan: What's the best way to show we're rich and kind of evil, but like... classy about it? Anakin, immediately: I sit on the floor next to the throne, leaning against it, and you call me pet names while stroking my hair, and then when you need something killed I get to do it for you and then I go back to the floor and you thank me for the directed violence, and then you go back to Negotiations with criminals while I’m sitting there covered in blood. Obi-Wan: ...is there something you want to TELL us, or...?

"You're all going to get a glimpse of something normally kept hidden about me." "Anakin, you don't have to do that." "No, I'm gonna."

(Anakin has decided hes going to peel his kink tomato to sell this ruse, and the others are slightly uncomfortable with that.)

Anakin: Okay, I cannot keep flirting with you. Young Obi: Wait, what? But that's the best part of any time we run into you! Anakin: You look WAY too much like my Master did when I met him. Obi: O...kay? If someone looked like my master when HE was young, I'd-- Anakin: My Sith Master half-raised me. He's basically my dad. Obi: ... Anakin: What's that look for? Obi: I mean, you spend a lot of time lounging at his feet, and, like, given how much you hate slavery, I... kind of assumed it was a kink thing? Anakin, brightly: Oh no, I just have a LOT of trauma. And neuroses. Snips says they’re neuroses.

Young Obi is a little upset because he was actually getting REALLY into Flirting With The Enemy and was hoping it would go somewhere. He mopes to Qui-Gon about it. Qui-Gon isn't sure whether to be proud about Obi breaking rules, or worried over Obi-Wan falling for a Fake Sith.

(As Tia put it: "You enjoy making young Obi-Wan have a completely unrequited crush on Anakin, don’t you?")

Fortunately, one of those attractive Young Mando boys very kindly helped him tape up his ribs this one time, and has thus caught his eye...

I feel like having Cody date Young Obi would court an entirely different kind of (internet) drama because clone ages, but whatever.

Also please imagine an element of "so I'm dating the genetic identical of my boss... who's dating the man I'm a genetic identical of..."

(It's probably not actually Jangobi but man would that be funny and also stupid.)

Somehow Young Obi figures out that the "Sith Master" is a future him before he realizes that they're not actually dark. In his defense, Anakin was pretty convincing. Especially with the wife rant. It makes HIM more obsessed with Anakin, in a reversal of the implied earlier dynamic, which is all kinds of weird. Less romantic but like. Still weird.

"Future Me Scares Me" with Extra stupid. "Future Me Annoys Me." "Future Me acts like grandmaster Dooku, but more sass." "Future Me raised a really hot evil guy that refuses to bang Present Me." "Future Me might be a Sith, but I'm getting more and more convinced he's just fucking with us all." "Future Me is really rocking that beard, and I can't BELIEVE we figured out a way around the babyface."

"I’m kinda concerned about the whole evil thing, but I’m also glad that I know I’ll stay hot as I get older."

Quinlan approves of the priorities.

Also a lot of interactions with older Obi are very Anakin: [does/says something deeply unhinged] Obi-Wan: So, do you want to…. Talk about that? Maybe? Anakin: What’s there to talk about?? I’m fine, everything’s fine! Anyways how about those plans for tracking down Maul?

Anakin later, like way after the ruse is lifted, just blankly tells everyone that he did Fall, once, and Older Obi made him get therapy about it after the truth came out between the two of them a few months into the Fake Sith thing.

Where'd they find a therapist? I'm sure there's one SOMEWHERE around. Denon and Herdessa are close enough, and they've done enough "your criminal empire now belongs to me" that they can pay well. They make sure to find one that takes confidentiality real seriously.

It's all very "we need some more time to unpack all that."

Therapy helps get Anakin to figure out Sheev’s whole deal. They don't necessarily figure out he’s a Sith from it, but they figure out he’s sketchy and they need to look into that more. Obi-Wan probably already thought he was sketchy, but the whole active gaslighting campaign was a little surprising. They realize that he kinda benefited a lot from a lot of Sith plots and they still probably don’t think he’s a Sith but Obi-Wan is definitely starting to think he’s working with one.

"Okay, we're already bugging Gunray, should we bug Palpatine just to be safe?"

They get away with a lot of slicing because Anakin is a technical genius from twenty years in the future.

The reasons they're so good at Taking Over Hutt Space: 1. They know parts of the future. 2. They have superpowers and FAR less reason to not use them, now that their actions aren't going to reflect on the Republic. 3. They have Cody and Rex, who are two of the greatest military minds in the galaxy, and know EXACTLY how to wage a war that covers a solid third of the galaxy, starting from a position of relative weakness. 4. Anakin's charisma is scary high, and his knowledge of slave culture means they gain a lot of trust from the people they free, and they just... keep acquiring volunteers for the army they didn't plan to have. Obi-Wan doesn't know what to do. He thinks they might have started a cult?

In his defense, Dooku sort of started a cult, and Komari got kidnapped by a cult, brainwashed into joining it properly, and then took it over as head figure of said cult. It's practically tradition!

Comics Vader is the central figure of like three different cults, it was really just inevitable.

Anakin: Aw, don't worry master, it's not a cult, it's a revolution! Ahsoka: They're worshiping him, though. Anakin: ...it's still a revolution! Just... with some misunderstandings.

Also, if they got wind of people trying to keep people from being able to leave and other culty stuff like that, they’d probably put a stop to it pretty damn quick.

Names! Time for names. As per usual, it's easiest to keep track of Obi-Wan's alternate Older Self by just calling him Ben.

Darth Ben.

Ahsoka: You should be Darth Boring. Obi-Wan: I can still make you run laps, you know.

Anakin: The Force is telling me to call myself Darth Vader. Obi-Wan: ...why? Anakin: I dunno, but it sounds cool, I'll run with it.

Someone: Ben has all the answers; we shouldn’t question him, ever. Ben: One time I lost a planet, and a five-year-old found it for me.

More options: Going with the "evil word with the prefix 'in' chopped off" that we get with Sidious and Vader: Darth Surrectus (as in insurrection) Just random Latin words: Darth Temporus (time) Darth Commenticius (fake)

Anyway, back to Nonsense:

Maul goes after young Obi early, because the Fake Sith are really invested in this one random Padawan (Sidious is saying he might be a cousin of the false Sith Master? They do look similar enough) so someone needs to investigate. Naturally, Anakin shows up with some wild screeching to fight Maul, and when someone questions why he got involved it gets very "Kenobi is MINE!" and like. Okay. So.

Anakin means it in a very Sith "to toy with" and "to torture" way, or the ‘my chosen opponent!’ way, just the same kind of Obsession as Maul had with Obi-Wan in the original timeline. Unfortunately, Anakin’s a weird-ass person who flirts with Young Obi against his own better judgement, so there's some awkward "Like... your boyfriend?" from young Obi. Anakin just screeches in SOME emotion that nobody wants to interpret, and couldn't even if they wanted to, and starts whacking away at Maul again.

(Anakin hasn't explained the "you look exactly like my dad, sorry, it's just too weird" thing yet, and he is HAVING MANY REGRETS.)

There's definitely at least one instance where a person asks Anakin if he's planning on dating That One Jedi Twink, or at least banging out the tension. At that point in time, Anakin doesn't actually know who the fuck they're talking about, because "Obi-Wan + Twink = Does Not Compute" for dear, dense Ani, and instead he just ends up ranting about how he is LOYAL TO THE MEMORY OF HIS LATE WIFE, how DARE anyone so much as INSINUATE that he would TARNISH HER PERFECT MEMORY and UNWAVERING KINDNESS and WHOLESOME BEING, and the person who asked doesn't end up lightsabered but they do end up with a LOT to tell whoever they're reporting to.

Young Obi-Wan definitely hears Anakin mutter the phrase “something to discuss with my therapist later” a few times, and he’s a little bewildered because darksiders definitely don’t seem like the type of people to go to therapy. They’re the type of people to need therapy, sure, but not the type to go to therapy.

I think it would be very fun for Young Obi to continue sighing over Anakin (who's pretending to be fine with it and even flirting back because he's in too deep to stop and hasn't worked up the courage to explain the elephant in the room) while Anakin is covered in grease and infodumping while having a slightly manic hyperfocus on engine repairs while the two of them Somehow got stranded together in the middle of bumfuck nowhere (it's Plagueis's doing, he finds the interactions between THESE two in particular to be the most informative regarding the fake Sith).

Anakin, at some point while stranded with young Obi-Wan, and having actually started unpacking some stuff in therapy, though he’s def still got a ways to go: I’m pretty sure Ben cares about me. He acts like he cares, like he’ll do stuff like put extra blankets in my quarters in the spaceship because I get cold real easily or track down those droid parts I need for a project and he always has my back in a fight but y’know it’d be nice to hear him say he loves me once in a while. Especially because we kinda had a rough start and idk I don’t think he wanted me around at first.

And uh. Obi-Wan definitely relates to that a bit too much, y’know?

I want to say that Young Obi ends up mentioning All That to one of the clones or Ahsoka later, because they seem probably invested in Anakin's well-being, even if Ben is, well, a Sith, so Obi-Wan's a little worried the man's affection really is fake, but at least Ahsoka...

(Ironic, given what Anakin's actual eventual Sith would-be-Master was like.)

Young Obi mentions Anakin’s most recent rant to Ahsoka, and she just goes "Wait, is that why Skyguy likes to sit by the throne and get called pet names?" "Uh... I don't... know... but it sounds like all of you have a LOT to unpack there, Miss Apprentice."

Later on: "Master Kenobi, you need to tell Skyguy you love him 'cause apparently he's been having a lot of emotions about you not telling him you care and he's been talking to mini-you about it whenever they get stuck together and--"

Young Obi-Wan is just constantly the "Now we don't have time to unpack all of that" John Mulaney gif. Anakin in particular is a mess, and young Obi-Wan slowly goes from "I want to date that" to "I want to study that" about him.

Obi-Wan gets stuck somewhere with Ben, tries to small talk, gets on the topic of Vader, and spills the drama. He gets an awkward “Thank you for bringing that to my attention.”

It’s followed by a fairly frustrated “I try, but Anakin refuses to communicate his needs to me, and it feels like I’m always falling short.”

At least one member of the group is in therapy, probably all of them, but they’re still using young Obi as a sounding board for all this stuff. On the bright side, this is probably good for impressing the importance of good communication on Obi-Wan.

Good for Obi-Wan! And... whatever Padawan he eventually has.

As for baby Anakin, who is approximately age four, I want to go with "Anakin decides to be his own uncle, and Shmi just rolls with it because fuck it, she’s not a slave anymore, and a Fake Sith is a solid defense against anyone trying to re-enslave them."

[This is a backstory I've had them use before (see here and here).]

Seeing Big Ani and Little Ani in the same space might be what finally pings the "oh shit, that's future me" thing for Obi-Wan... you know, if he’s ever allowed close enough to see Little Ani in the first place.

Little Ani stays with the fake-Sith and is sorta jointly trained by all of them, and young Obi-Wan teaches little 'Soka at the Temple. Ani and 'Soka still end up friends somehow, but it is fairly different.

Every time little Ani addresses Old Obi as "Dad," it's just like ten kinds of awkward. The one time someone tried to explain that Ben wasn't his new dad, Shmi glared them down. She is of the opinion that, all the gods be damned, Ani deserves to refer to the most mature man in his life, who raised another him in another timeline already, as a father.

Ani doesn't NEED a father, Shmi herself is more than enough, but he does deserve to have this if he wants it.

An alternative conclusion to the time travel is uh. So the Mandalorians are genetically identical (give or take a hair gene) and really resemble Jango Fett, though whether anyone notices that is up in the air. Then the three ‘Sith’ (two fake Sith and their morality chain tag-along) have three younger, identical copies show up….

It could be really weird cloning shenanigans. Now, it makes no sense that they’d make clones, and stagger their production like that, and leave them as babies on various planets for Jedi to find. IDK what reasons Obi-Wan would come up with for that, but it’s a fun little detour before he gets to time travel.

There's a really painful moment (for the audience, who know about canon Vader) where someone tries to convince Ahsoka to leave the Sith and she's just like "no way, they'd never hurt me!” Then she clarifies that “someone has to keep them from doing stupid Sith shit whenever they get bored, you know?"

A bunch of Jedi probably think she’s delusional, but the few that have seen her get into trouble that is legitimately too much for her, which isn't often, have then seen Anakin show up like the devil himself to save her, and it's like. Oh. This is why she isn't scared of them hurting her.

We’ve discussed how Anakin does get concerningly in character with the fake Sith thing. However, Anakin and Ahsoka are, just once in a while, surprised by how Ben gets sometimes when playing the bad guy.

After all, he stabbed a dude with a fork and threatened to eat him during his time as Hardeen…

He has the same dramatic streak as all the rest of the lineage. He can be vindictive and creepy and scary as fuck.

HOWEVER:

Obi-Wan: I know I'm supposed to be playing at evil right now, but how do we feel about me making that evil a little... fruity? Ahsoka: Fruity, master? Anakin, who knows where this is going: [buries face in hands] Obi-Wan: You know, the... [limp wrist] Ahsoka: ... Obi-Wan: I mean, I'm already bisexual and well-groomed, I can play it up.

What’s the point of being evil if you can’t be flamboyant?

Anyway, I had to put in a lot of thought for what to do with Rex and Cody, because there's a solid place for them in terms of strategy, but it doesn't do much to give them independent narrative arcs, and 'young Obi-Wan has a crush' isn't much of an arc, you know?

So, basic info first: Cody, Rex, and Anakin all hold the rank of General in this AU because, like... who else is gonna. Ahsoka remains a commander because everyone declares her Baby, and also to keep up the "I'm a morality chain" ruse.

Cody maintains a very stern and unyielding public persona, but the second they're behind closed doors, he's roughhousing with his little brother.

Rex has some fun pretending to be a sadist whenever he and Anakin have to team up, because hamming it up as an evil bastard in front of Jedi is actually really fun... but usually, he's a competent fucking professional.

Because here's the thing: someone has to be.

They both kind of hate the army they've gotten, because these people don't even have proper trigger discipline, let alone any actual discipline.

This army? Tragic. They hate it. Give them the clones.

They have to be drill sergeants for months before they have anything worth sending onto the field.

I think that might be how/when they end up reaching out to Jango. Like, the first inroad is absolutely "we're your clones from the future and you were a Shit Dad so you owe us," but then they actually talk him around into letting the Fake Sith hire him. He brings along all the Mandalorians he can get to answer his calls, and on suggestion from Those Mando Twins, joins the army Ben doesn't even want.

Darth Boring doesn't want an army! Unfortunately, Cody thinks that's stupid as hell, and is overruling Ben so they can actually work on this 'cleaning up the galaxy of slavery' thing with actual resources.

Cody and Rex are super competent, and it shows in their horrified disdain for the state of their troops.

Rex: Fucking natborns. Anyone who isn't in the know: What's a natborn? Rex: [leaves without answering] People: WHAT'S A NATBORN???

(I'm assuming that the word smush is harder to parse in Basic.)

I think young Obi-Wan's new crush on Cody should also be unrequited. Cody's just like... bemused. Very "Okay, then, that sure is an Affection you've decided on."

Cody and Anakin both: Sorry, it’d just be too weird. Obi-Wan: Why would it be too weird? Cody and Anakin: Reasons.

Rex has to deal with the "whyyyyy" from both his brother and his (former?) General.

Young Obi-Wan just likes cute boys that fight good! Is that so wrong???

Ahsoka: So since we're not officially Jedi anymore-- Obi-Wan: We're still Je-- Ahsoka: Can we date? Can I date now? I want to date someone before we go back to the Code. It's a classic life experience for most teenage girls, and I want to Have That Experience before we're back at the Temple. Obi-Wan: You're not... you can date, Ahsoka, that's not actually banned by the Code. I mean, you'd have to keep it casual, but-- Ahsoka: I CAN DATE!!!

(Great priorities, Ahsoka.)

An idea I'm toying with is that one of the clones ends up Legally Engaged to Satine for political reasons, and young Obi-Wan is just like ???? because not only can he not date the hot boys, but one of said hot boys has become Mr. Steal Yo Girl.

Young Obi-Wan is suffering, and Quinlan is the worst friend ever because Quinlan is laughing at him.

There is obviously the question of

"How would Satine ever end up agreeing to that, given what their public personas are like and all that? She puts duty ahead of personal feelings but all indications are that it’s a terrible decision both ways." (as stated by Tia)

Which, yes, I forgot to actually say that I was imagining Jango had declared "those twins" his heirs after telling people they were his younger* cousins. Because reasons.

* Jango is about 27 when they land in the past, and I’m going to say the accelerated aging ended after hitting physically twenty because no, I don’t want to deal with that. As far as anyone knows, Cody and Rex are about five years younger than Jango. They’re less than year apart, which isn’t very visible, and most people assume they’re identical twins (except Rex’s hair), and that Cody just looks slightly older because of the scar.

Darth Boring had convinced Satine that the way to keeping Mandalore peaceful was to work with Jango (because Darth Boring, which is not his actual title but it is what Ahsoka insists on calling him in private, has a vested interest in keeping Mandalore and all interested parties calm), and he... maybe accidentally set up a political marriage between her and one of the clones.

It wasn't on purpose! Satine never married in his timeline, okay, he didn't expect her to ever get married here, either! He didn't even suggest it! This just happened!

(I want to say that Cody would be more competent at having a political marriage? But IDK.)

Do I do the Satine thing? It has potential, but also it's a bit of a cop-out. Do I have Cody be a diplomatic representative for their pseudo-Sith empire? He could be, but I think he'd hate it. Do I have Rex date one the Chaos Entities (Anakin or Ahsoka), or is that too repetitive with my other works? THERE'S JUST TOO MUCH GOING ON.

Part of me wants Quinlan to get a crush on Cody, and the crush gets bigger specifically in response to the fact that Cody refuses to take him seriously and/or just doesn't give him the time of day.

Based on their one interaction in TCW, they probably let get along ok. Cody maybe likes him back, buuuuuuut internally he's just a little "you were tolerable at almost-forty; early twenties you is obnoxious."

Just imagine the absolutely puppyish attempts at gaining approval and Impressing The Hot Mando General. Quinlan keeps having vague daydreams of seducing someone to the side of the Light. He really leans into the bodice ripper fantasies of saving someone evil with the power of love! (And also the power of really good sex.)

Bant looks at Quin and Obi and wants to throw them both into the nearest pond because they're idiots, but on this topic they are the same flavor of idiot. She considers calling up Reeft and Garen to help her knock some sense into them.

Quinlan: Can I volunteer to go undercover to the Sith? The Council: No. Quinlan: ...what if I-- The Council: No.

Tholme tries to get Qui-Gon to commiserate over their Padawans getting obsessed with Hot Sith Boys, but Qui-Gon just finds the whole thing funny. He knows from the chats he has with Ben that Anakin feels so completely, utterly, incredibly awkward about all of this.

(Ben continues to hold to "Anakin brought this on himself.")

(Ben also “kidnaps” Qui-Gon a lot.)

Also, hey, at least Quinlan isn’t actually into hot Sith boys! He’s into hot Sith minions which is... probably a step up. At least Cody’s not a Sith himself!

It's a step in some direction but Tholme has no idea which one.

(Quinlan sees Cody in dress uniform once and just keeps the mental image for Ages. It’s in his dreams. Sometimes said dreams overflow to Tholme via Force Mind Magic and Quinlan wakes up to someone smacking his face with a pillow.)

Arguably, Quin's also a lot more romantic about his crush than Obi-Wan is, in this case. Quinlan: I want to save him... Obi-Wan: Hey, hey, cute boy. Look at me. Let’s bang.

Cody: There are currently two future Jedi generals having some form of absurd romantic fixation in my direction. I don't know how to feel about this. Rex: Bed them. Cody: ...I'm not saying that's not eventually an option, but one of them is the younger Kenobi, and I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that. Rex: Pat him on the head like a tooka and then bed his friend, it'll be funny.

I think the Quinlan thing and also general exasperation of leading an absolutely useless army can function pretty solidly as the basis for Cody, but I have another idea for Rex now.

Komari is currently brainwashed in a cult, yes? So.

I keep bouncing around back and forth on what to do with Rex, but part of me suddenly really likes the idea of, after Team Fake Sith finds and dissolves the cult (as one does), and takes Komari into custody (because she's dangerous and deeply unwell), Rex kind of ends up her touchstone to being a decent person. He’s not a morality chain, and it’s not really a redeemed-through-love thing, just This Is A Solid Dude who doesn't pity her or thinks she's irredeemable (however you choose to define such a thing), but actually relates to the kind of conditions living like that can involve, and just kind of...

I don’t know. I think Rex's arc in this AU could be very heavily grounded in something to the effect of "You're not the worst darksider I've met. You're not the only person who was in a cult. You're not even the only former Jedi I know that's committed awful, horrible crimes. My question is just this: What are you going to do moving forward?"

Later Anakin: Wait, who do we know that was in a cult? Rex: What did you think Kamino was?

(Rex isn't as chill as he'd like her to think, but he's trying, and she's fairly reliant on the Force to understand emotions, and is currently in nullifying cuffs, so he can bluff.)

Komari needs someone solid and dependable to rely on for at least conversation, and I think Rex needs to feel needed.

I’m not sure if it’d be romance or friendship, but I think there's a solid basis to work with, potentially.

Per Tia:

One thing about Rex and shipping is like. If you want to do Rexwalker again that's fine, but if you're worried about repetitiveness but still want to like. Ship him in a non-political-convenience way. Rexsoka here actually would be different than your other stuff.

I'm trying to figure out if I can make it work because Ahsoka thematically fits very much into a little sister shaped hole here? She feels younger than in other works, despite not actually being younger than she is in, say, Commander Buir. In those other fics, she has some time alone to function and prove herself independently of Anakin and Obi-Wan.

I usually pluck Ahsoka out at sixteen if I'm pulling her from TCW, so she's got most of her competence but hasn't gotten quite all the trauma yet. Commander Buir, in particular, also has baby-shaped Anakin for contrast.

That said, I can see a decent source of narrative conflict in her wanting to experiment with romance and all that, and Anakin trying to tell her she's too young.

A year into this whole time-travel mess, she wants to give the dating thing a shot, and it spirals into "You were only two years older than me when you got married!"

I think I could build a plot out of Ahsoka wanting to do these things, and Anakin as an audience insert not quite processing that she's old enough to make these decisions. If she's choosing to date Rex, whose age works out as being close to hers when one takes into account Kamino fuckery, and whom she trusts absolutely, it’s arguably extra weird for Anakin to be upset with it.

"Senator Amidala was five years older than you, and you married her when you were nineteen and had only really known her for a week! I can go on a date with a guy we both know is one of the most trustworthy people alive if I want, Skyguy!"

I can definitely see Ahsoka getting annoyed with Anakin being overbearing and controlling at some point before that unrelated to romance, too. It’s not exactly a new fault of his.

My god, just imagine someone snidely asking Anakin "where's your little shadow?" and Anakin, being Himself and also a Fake Sith, has an emotional breakdown about how Ahsoka yelled at him for micromanaging her and not trusting her to make her own decisions in life and so she got herself a multi-month solo mission from Ben that Anakin isn't allowed to know any details about, and--

It's another one of those "oh, you have PROBLEMS problems with your mental health" incidents for the Jedi to add to the file, because Anakin having emotionally charged rants about his issues at seemingly terrible times is how they get a lot of information.

Some of the rants are planned.

Many of them, actually.

They want the Jedi to know these things.

Just, well. Anakin.

He really is a little Like That.

On that note, I'm low-key imagining that Anakin gets put on mood stabilizers by the therapist in this context, and he's doing good! He's handling his issues! He's--been captured with Obi-Wan the Younger again and his medication was confiscated.

Anakin is... not great. He's a little out of practice managing his unmedicated self, and when adding withdrawal symptoms onto that... poor Anakin.

(Poor Obi-Wan.)

I think it would be best if Anakin makes a bunch of ominous blustery comments at their captors about how they won't like what's coming to them if they take his belongings (AKA the fanny pack that has his backup pills), and then Obi-Wan just gets to watch Anakin get more and more erratic, because like. Yes, Anakin is using the Force to compensate, but unfortunately he's mostly cut off, and the stress of the situation is pushing him away from depression and into the beginnings of a manic episode.

Anakin is aware of his issues to the point where he's mostly managing, and he keeps asking Obi-Wan "would it make sense for me to [slightly deranged, very impulsive action]," and Obi-Wan realizes he's being the morality sounding board for the Hot Sith because ??? reasons?????

Eventually, Anakin does flop back in bed and dramatically throws his arm over his eyes, and says he needs his meds back, he's absolutely going to lose it, and Obi-Wan tentatively asks what kind of medication. There are levels to worry about. Mild allergy medication is one thing, but heart medication that needs to be taken every four hours is another, you know? He wants to know how much panic is appropriate.

Anakin lets him know that it's Psychiatric In Nature. Obi-Wan suddenly realizes that he really, really, really doesn't want to know what a properly erratic, unmedicated Anakin is like.

(An unmedicated Anakin really isn't nearly as bad as Obi-Wan fears. Anakin's been dealing with this for a while, and knows what his issues are and some of how to deal with them. He'd need to be running on no sleep and higher levels of stress, or to have been drugged with something meant to increase his aggression, to really lose his shit and do something worthy of Vader. RotS levels of stress and sleep deprivation is required to pull RotS levels of manic paranoid delusion.)

Tia asked:

How long does it take the Jedi in general to catch on to how like. They have opportunities. But these Sith never seem to harm any Jedi. And it’s not just like, the past timeline parts of the disaster lineage. They probably get opportunities to hurt other Jedi. Ones that are less skilled at saber work. And more importantly ones that they don’t seem weirdly interested in."

I'm not sure, really. The Jedi don't spend as much time in the Outer Rim as they could, and that's where the Team operates, so actually running into them by accident is unlikely for anyone other than Shadows.

Fortunately, it's really easy to toy with Shadows with the excuse of "I want to see how long it takes before you Fall with us."

I do want like... okay. Here’s the mental image:

Qui-Gon calls them out on being Fake Sith pretty quickly, so Ben just sort of eyes him, dramatically, and orders out "Leave us" to all non-team people. The threat of torture is implied but not stated. He gestures with wine to keep in character. He definitely makes sure Young Obi-Wan is ushered out, so it's just five time travelers, Qui-Gon Jinn, and Ahsoka's immortal force birb.

"...so, what's the reason for the farce, Obi-Wan?" "How in all the hells did you figure it out so quickly?"

(Qui-Gon cheated a bit. He could feel the broken training bond that was never properly severed due to Traumatic Death Of A Master on Ben's end)

Ben didn't realize he'd feel it! Young Obi-Wan can't feel his older self or a training bond with Anakin or Ahsoka, so why could Qui-Gon?

IDK if there would be anything on the level of crying and hugging it out, but I think it would be very funny if, every time young Obi and Anakin are getting captured by pirates or something, Ben and Qui-Gon are just having a nice afternoon tea and checking their watches to see if their respective walking bundles of neuroses are done with their adventure yet.

The Council is So Done, because Qui-Gon continues to insist that they're Not That Bad, but every time anyone other than Qui-Gon brings up the friendship, Ben laughs and makes a comment about how absolutely gullible Master Jinn is.

Obi-Wan is skeptical of his own experiences with Anakin, at least, if only because he's skeptical about Anakin's everything.

"I don't know if Vader is telling me the truth. I don't know if he's telling himself the truth. I don't think he's a great source of information even when he thinks he's being honest."

Anakin could tell Obi-Wan the full and complete truth, and Obi-Wan would worriedly put a hand to his forehead and start doing tests for hallucinations and paranoid delusions. In his defense, this is a very reasonable assumption to make with an individual like Anakin. It's just also not accurate, this time. I don’t know if Anakin hallucinates in canon without a weird inciting incident like Force Nonsense or getting drugged by the enemy, but paranoid delusion is pretty much all of RotS.

"I’m your time-traveling padawan who’s pretending to be a Sith to catch some other Sith who’re going to start a galactic civil war and those Mandalorians you like are from a clone army based on a template of Jango Fett made to serve the Jedi (because that’s totally something he’d sign up for), and one of the Sith is your grandmaster but he doesn’t seem to have fallen yet, it’s probably fine," is hard to believe.

Honestly, even if he seemed stable before saying that, which he doesn’t, it’s all real far fetched. There's a lot going on and Obi-Wan wouldn't even begin to believe it without evidence.

I've had it in my head that he and Bant and Quinlan have been gossiping about the mess for months if not years about these idiots, and at one point it became common knowledge that Ben was a Kenobi, and Bant convinced them (since the two were among the most likely in the entire Order to encounter the Fake Sith) to get a DNA sample, probably hair or blood since that's easiest so they can figure out HOW these two are related, if they are, and then there's a whole big thing.

Bant: No, no, this must be contaminated, it's coming up as Obi-Wan! Are you sure you didn't accidentally grab some of your own hairs? I know it's a little long for most of your hair, but the braid-- Quinlan: Wait, they keep claiming stuff about cloning, right? Maybe someone's a clone? Check for artificial telomeres! Bant: ...okay, so, there aren't any artificial telomeres, but the ones from apparently-Ben are... a lot shorter... um... I don't know what to do with this. It's like I have two samples from the same person, twenty years apart. Quinlan: Obi-Wan, what's that face? Why are you-- Obi-Wan: Vader told me he was a time-traveler. I thought it was the fever talking, but...

That’s how he finds out that Ben is future-him before finding out about how he’s not evil!

"Master Jinn... I think... I think the Sith controlling the Outer Rim is me from the future." "Oh, you finally figured it out?" "I AM HAVING A CRISIS HERE."

Obi-Wan, after a few hours of dazed realization, runs screaming to Quinlan and Bant like 'GUYS GUYS THIS EXPLAINS WHY VADER KEPT SAYING IT WAS WEIRD AND THAT I LOOK LIKE HIS MASTER AND THAT IT WOULD BE LIKE DATING HIS DAD.'

You know, the important stuff.

I think Qui-Gon tells him that Ben isn't evil because, like, That Sure Is A Crisis Obi-Wan's Having. He could hold off for shits and giggles, sure, but Obi-Wan’s on the edge of something Really Concerning, mentally. Best help calm him down on at least one or two things.

Obi-Wan’s maybe still a little skeptical until he confronts them over it. Because their Sith act was real good and also like. Maybe Qui-Gon just wants to believe the best of his Padawan, y��know?

Quinlan runs into Ben before Obi-Wan does, after this whole mess, and gets to observe as money changes hands and people act like sore winners about bets made for When Does Obi-Wan Figure It Out.

Anakin was saying 'soon' because he really didn't think the fever-fueled rant would be discounted as easily as it was.

Cody was of the opinion that it would take at least a few more years since they're actually pretty damn good at this whole schtick.

Quinlan: Wow, he's... going to be really disappointed that you have such a low opinion of his intelligence. Cody, gesturing at Ben: Experience. Darth Ben: ಠ_ಠ

Cody just rattles off some of the Extremely Stupid Shit that Ben's done in their time working together.

Rex cheerily offers up "You didn't even realize General Skywalker was married, sir! And they weren't subtle!" "I knew they were together, I just didn--" "Everyone knew they were together, sir. Everyone."

(Rex had the lowest opinion of their deductive capabilities. He claims it would have taken until Baby Ahsoka showed up at the Jedi Temple.)

-Once Obi-Wan accepts that they're decent people after all- Obi-Wan: Wow, Anakin, you're real good at acting unhinged! Anakin: Haha. Yeah. Thanks?

#Obi Wan Kenobi #Anakin Skywalker #Ahsoka Tano #Captain Rex #Commander Cody #Disaster Lineage #time travel #Qui Gon Jinn #Jango Fett #Quinlan Vos #one sided codywan #one sided obikin #trust me it's very stupid #villain au #CodyQuin #Rexsoka #maybe? #Komari Vosa #Fake Sith AU #Phoenix Posts #kink mention #kinky power dynamics in non-sexual situations #Anakin's got a lot of neuroses and unfortunately he's making it everyone's problem #cult mention #This is 7.5k and only sort of organized #500 notes

[yandereloversblog]

May I request a Cupid prompt with Bonnie (fnaf 1)? I love your writing btw!!

𝕐𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕣𝕖!𝔹𝕠𝕟𝕟𝕚𝕖 -> ℂ𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕕

Cupid ➤ “You must have cast a spell on me. Hit me with some bow and arrow. Only that can explain what I’ve been feeling for you.”

───────•°˖~❉᯽❉~˖°•───────

>Fandom: Five Nights At Freddy's 1

>Character: Bonnie

>Warnings: Yandere, Unhealthy and Toxic mindset, Toxic behaviour.

>Type Of Content: Prompt

>Word Count: 1725

───────•°˖~❉᯽❉~˖°•───────

•The Bonnie's have to be my favorite to write for some reason and thank you! I'm glad my writing is appealing XD

•God this was so rushed- and I didn't deliver. I am so sorry... Might be my shortest fic yet.

───────•°˖~❉᯽❉~˖°•───────

"What is this...?" You couldn't help but to stare at your monitor in shock, the voice of the phone guy becoming background noise as you flipped through the cameras, the sight of the bunny animatronic, or any of the others, looking straight at the camera was pure nightmare fuel "They can come to the office? Well fuck me huh... Why though?" You mumbled in annoyance, looking around, well you had Chica's cupcake so maybe that's why she was coming over. But did you have anything of Bonnie's? You were too tired to think correctly at the moment.

'He activated rather quickly so maybe he's missing his guitar.' You thought to yourself, leaving the monitor on the desk and looked behind you, immediatly huffing once you saw the bunny's guitar 'Not funny Mike.' You were never taking over his shift again. Quickly grabbing his guitar you turned to the left door, planning to peek out the door to see if Bonnie was there only to bump into something. Looking up you finally noticed the bunny through the dark and gulped. Immediatly pointing at his much beloved guitar "H-here you go, sorry Mike borrowed it as a prank..." You tried smiling and then handing it to Bonnie after taking a step away from him "Promise it's not damaged or anything..."

Bonnie was confused, perplexed, you weren't that devil's reincarnat or whoever they were mistaking the other security guard for 'I've seen them around a few times...' Bonnie couldn't help but to just stare, taking in your features and especially felt weird once seeing your attempt at a calm smile, it was cute. He didn't want to harm you...

"It's alright. Even if it is I can just fix it." He spoke without thinking, a choice that nearly made you jump in surprise and stare in shock "Bet ya weren't expectin' that huh." He laughed, taking back his guitar from you with ease because of your frozen state "N-no... That's pretty cool though. I didn't know you had that mechanism." You giggled, although the animatronic's size was scary, his laid back attitude was helping to calm you down.

Your giggle had Bonnie's ears straight up and attentive, trying to listen to as much as he could of the sweet melody 'W-what is wrong with me...' He questioned in his mind while staring at you 'Is it them?' Bonnie found it weird... But it wasn't annoying... It was actually rather pleasant. Looking at your name tag he finally learnt your name "[Y/N]... What a pretty name..." He muttered unconsciously, catching you off guard "U-uh... Thank you?" You chuckled awkwardly, talking with an animatronic was rather hard, especially when he stared at your through the dark with glowing eyes.

Bonnie didn't say anything else and just left, much to your confusion and relief 'Now let's make sure they don't get inside to maul me.' You sighed, muting the phone guy and continuing your job, Bonnie was a little friendly, that probably wouldn't happen with the others.

"Wha' happened lad? Everythin' be alright?" Bonnie barely registered Foxy ask for his wellbeing and instead stared at his guitar "Is it broken?" Freddy asked, frowning, what did Mike do now? "Guys... I think I met an angel. Or cupid." Bonnie mumbled out loud and hugged his guitar, your face printed in his mind. Foxy and Freddy gave each other a look of pure confusion, was the night guard someone else?

You'll probably meet again the next night when you immediatly enter the office "Hey there [Y/N]!" Bonnie grinned, being at the doorframe of your office at startling speed "I thought Foxy was the one who was suppose to run." You chuckled awkwardly, your lack of fear though made Bonnie grin "Well I wanted to see you! Can I come in?" The tilted his head, expression clearly expressing how he didn't want you to be uncomfortable or scared of him "... No, you can't. I need to continue working, sorry Bonnie." You quickly shot the idea down, not wanting to risk it.

"... Alright." Bonnie agreed, a small smile on his face as he looked at you 'Thank God...' You sighed in relief and turned back to the monitor, somehow you weren't getting any of the animatronics come out and seem threatening towards you 'That's good for me right?' You smiled, happily leaning back on the chair.

What continued to confuse you through out the night were Bonnie's constant visits. At some point you actually let him come inside "Oh? You mean why we aren't trying to get inside the office? Well I told the others not to." Bonnie honestly told you once you asked, a grin on his face as one of his ears tilted down, the way he sounded and looked almost made it seem like he wanted to get praised. You stared at him and giggled, reaching up to pet one of the ears that tilted down "Thank you then. You really cut down my workload." His other ear immediatly shot up, even Bonnie himself flinched in shock at the sudden contact "O-Of course [Y/N]..."

The way he was acting, wanting to be spoiled was adorable but you also had more questions for the animatronic, and by his state he seemed like he'd answer any of them "Still, why did you do that?"

"It's because I like you of course!" The sudden claim made you look over at him in shock, only after a few minutes of awkward silence and you stepping away did Bonnie realize what he had said. His ears immediatly lowered down, almost as if he was trying to hide his face from embarrassment "Y-You mean as a friend right...?" You quickly tried clarifying, suddenly getting chills when Bonnie peeked at you from behind his ears.

The way he looked was... Disturbing you, an intense gaze from those pinkish-red eyes that held you in place, you tried staying calm when he got up from his seat and walked towards you, leaving his guitar on the side. He had you trapped, hands on either of the armrest of the chair and stared down at you, taking in your features, although you seemed scared he couldn't help but to feel happy and relaxed at being so close to you, even one of his ears twitched in happiness.

"You must really be cupid huh..." Bonnie mumbled unconsciously and leaned back away from you, speaking with a confused and perplexed tone "W-what...?" You asked, just as confused yet afraid, was he not going to hurt you? Does that mean he liked you more than a friend? HOW???

"I really... REALLY like you. I can actually imagine myself forever being by your side" Bonnie continued with a thoughtful hum to his voice. Grabbing his guitar he looked back at you and grinned "And... I like it." His statement was innocent enough, even somewhat cute if it hadn't been for his next words "Oh I know! If I want to continue feeling like this I'll just have to keep you here with me forever~" The sudden realization, like it was his best idea yet, made the bunny animatronic so happy, even his tail started wiggling a little bit.

"W-what? Hey- Bonnie come on, this isn't funny." You tried not to show your fear but the stuttering words betrayed you, you immediatly tried getting up to escape through one of the doors but you were stopped by Bonnie grabbing your arm tightly "What's not funny is you suddenly assaulting me with these strange feelings... This isn't a joke darling." His tone took a more serious turn, even narrowing his eyes to slightly glare at you, he reached in, grabbing at your jaw with an iron grip and tilted his head innocently, like he wasn't doing anything wrong, his usual playful grin returning.

"Don't worry little cupid~ I'll be sure to treasure these feelings forever if you continue to stay by my side~"

You shuddered at the promise he made, the sickly grin on Bonnie's face made it impossible for you to feel any sort of calmness or peace "... P-please let go. I don't like this." You mumbled truthfully, the situation making you sick to your stomach, especially when Bonnie looked so lost when you said that, like you were speaking another language "Why are you doing this?" You quickly looked at the clock, good, it was nearly 6 am. You just needed to drag this out.

"Well... It't because you must have cast a spell on me. Hit me with some bow and arrow. Only that can explain what I’ve been feeling for you." The reasoning made you stop and stare in shock, was this why you were getting called cupid? "I... I didn't do anything..." You told him, speaking as slowly and surely as you could "Yes. Yes you did." Bonnie chuckled, poking your cheek once you glanced at the clock again and smirked "6 am won't be able to save you from me darling. Nothing will~" He chuckled softly and then picked you up, much to your dismay.

"Gonna need to make sure you don't shoot anyone else other than me right?~"

#yandere #yandere fnaf #yandere x reader #yandere bonnie #yandere fnaf 1 #yandere prompts

[iwaasfairy]

𝙻𝙾𝙰𝙳𝙴𝙳

big brothers find it hard to draw a line; alternatively, that one day where issei is fed up with tooru’s selfishness this is a rewrite of my very first fic on this blog so if it seems familiar that might be why!

.wordc. 6k+ tw incest, dubcon, breeding, coercion, unprotected sex, very affectionate niichan issei and step brother tooru

Issei turns his head to the side, plush pillows obstructing part of his view when he looks at you. You’re laying on your belly, legs paddling back and forth through the air in a motion that he presumes is soothing, on his couch. You can’t sit- or lay- or be still when you’re thinking about something important.

He recognizes the telltale signs easily, this one a bastardized version of your typical nervous tick. He pushes some of the pillow from in front of his face, and sighs. “You know you can’t hide in here all evening, right? You can stay if you want to, but eventually people will come looking for you.” His voice makes your nervous jitters calm enough to hold you still for a while, as you hum into the pillow you’ve pressed your face into.

You know. But you don’t say anything else, so he rolls onto his side and waits for you to make sense of your thoughts, arm under his head. It’s not that you’re not wanting to tell, if that was the case you wouldn’t have come into his room with your hands laced into the bottom of your shirt in frustration after all. He doesn’t mind anyway, since he gets to look at you without feeling guilty this way.

For once not having to pry his hand in between the tight hold Tooru loves holding you in. You came to him for a reason, the least he can do is help. After a minute or so in silence, Issei speaks up again. “You want to tell me what happened to your neck?”

Your neck, tainted deep purple and dark red that seems to spread out under the soft skin. He’d seen it this morning too, but your turtleneck had covered the main chunk of bruises then. Now that you’re only wearing a shirt to go to bed, it’s much more of an eyesore. And though he feels bad for even thinking it, the sight makes his stomach churn.

“We both know you didn’t burn yourself on your straightener like you told me. Looks like you got mauled by a bear,” he smiles when the sentence makes you giggle, head finally appearing from within the soft couch to look at him. He breathes, before nodding his head toward the colourful splotches again. “A boy did that, huh.”

You swallow. “Yeah. Tooru niichan kissed me there. H-he said- said it would protect me from bad guys when he can’t be around.” He doesn’t know why he even asked, he knew that. He knew it because he was there when Tooru formulated his little plan, saying that it would be the best way to keep you ‘safe’. The guy’s been totally possessive ever since his mom married your dad, making him your second niichan, if not by blood. “It’s not wrong, because he loves me,” you quickly mutter after it, and Issei can basically hear Tooru’s voice when you repeat the line he must’ve drilled into your subconscious.

He knew of it, and fuck, he even agreed to it in his head. Instead of protecting you from bad guys he should protect you from himself, keep you from his thoughts, his needs, his wants. But he can’t, and it’s the guilty feeling of pretending not to know that is eating him alive. He wants to be ignorant, wants to pretend like he doesn’t understand the implications there. Tooru loves you, yes. He loves you loads, but not just like an older brother should love his little sister and though you’re not technically siblings, you’ve been together for long enough not to make a difference.

Issei loves you too, though he’s not as obvious about it as the other is. He loves you too, Hell, he probably loves you even more than anyone else loves you. Though he aches to pretend he’s ignorant, he’s nothing better than Tooru. Because instead of being grossed out, or worried, the sight of those love bites only makes him jealous. And that’s an even worse kind of wrong, because you and him really are siblings before anything else. The way you flush any time they ask you something ‘weird’ seems to imply you know it’s wrong too but you’ve always been too kind to tell your big brothers ‘no’.

Always been easy to sway when they want something. Just let me kiss your cheek, just let me hold your hand, just let me rub your back. Just let me hold you in my bed, or else I can’t sleep. Just let me pull you into my lap because I’m cold. Just kiss me back once, I need to know that my lips are soft. They’ve gotten sickly efficient at the requests, both of them, both Tooru and him.

He likes to think of himself as a good older brother despite it. “Please don’t tell,” you bring out when he stays quiet, eyes going big as you lift your head up from your resting position to support your torso on your underarms. It causes your oversized shirt to ride up on your legs, exposing the pink lace panties that cup your curves perfectly. 

As a good older brother, that shouldn’t send blood rushing through his veins. It shouldn’t be a Herculean task to drag his eyes away from your skin. And yet it’s so much fucking harder than he wants it to be. He stutters out a vague agreement at your plea but turns to the ceiling. Those panties are the ones he jerks off into when you’re not home. They are your favourites, so they are his favourites too, and he loves grabbing them from your fresh laundry before you get the chance. Never after you’ve worn them, he hasn’t dared to do that yet. But he’s thought about it enough times for the vivid image of it to flash in front of his eyes.

You don’t get to confine in him a lot, so the thoughts make him feel more than just shameful. Uncomfortably, he shifts his lower body away from you when he notices the strange way his sweatpants pull. The grey fabric seems to defy gravity, wrapping a bit too tight around his muscular thighs and spanning over the bump of his crotch. You’re not looking at him anymore, too preoccupied by the books on his desk to pay him much mind, and he sighs softly. 

If you were to look over, this could be explained away. Guys get erections sometimes, it just happens. But he knows better. His little sister makes him hard. His hand slides lower swiftly to rearrange his hardening cock next to his thigh, before he takes a few deep breaths to calm himself. This does catch your attention, a worried frown coming to form between your two brows. “Issei nii, you’re not mad, are you?”

Your soft call of his name makes his heart warm, but his eyes don’t move from the ceiling, can’t- or else he might do something stupid. God, he really doesn’t want to be weird. He truly doesn’t, but what the hell is he supposed to do when you lay there looking like that, with those big, doe eyes just for him? He looks over. Your naked legs are resting together in a way that props up your ass under that shirt- his fucking shirt, and your pretty lips are drawn into a pout. You always steal the shirts of the men in the house, using them as impromptu dresses. 

He calls it disgusting in his mind, how his dick twitches in his pants at the sight, but he doesn’t look away. “No, I’m not mad. I could never be mad at you.” This much is true, and relief floods your features at it. He swallows the tightness in his throat, before looking at the mess Tooru’s made of your neck and shoulder again. It’s that same jealousy that makes the next words come. “I won’t tell, but you do have to come over here and explain big bro Issei everything that happened.”

Closer, he just wants you closer. It’s like a spell that refuses to let him breathe properly. And though you think about it for a few seconds, you eventually slip out of the couch to join him on the bed, tucking one of your legs underneath you. You look a bit embarrassed, sitting there on the edge of his dark bed. The brunet sits up too, and scoots back a bit to allow you more space. “He-” you start, picking mindlessly at the cover of his blanket “-he came into my room in his towel and laid down on my bed. And he hugged me a lot, and kissed me.” Your leg twitches up and down with the nervous confession. You probably hadn’t expected to have to tell your other big brother about it in detail, considering the guilty expression that slips on.

Issei doesn’t think you’re guilty. If anything, he is. He even makes peace with the fact that he’s about to be a lot more guilty. He puts his large hands on your thighs when you finish and shuffles you closer to him, which you allow. When you don’t say anything, soft breathing indicative of your doubt, he takes your legs and drapes them either side of his body, so that you’re even closer. You’re so warm, so soft for him.

Fingertips under your chin drag your face back upward, to his soft expression. It’s a gentle smile, filled with love and what must be understanding since he nods at your words and pets your hair. “Kissed you on the lips?” he questions then, one hand rubbing comforting circles on your inner thigh. It’s a bit too close to your center but you choose to ignore that. Kissed me everywhere, you want to say, but the words don’t come out.

Again you pout, but before you can explain more his lips are pressed to yours. A little peck, and another on your nose. “It’s okay, you can tell your big brother anything, right?” He sounds so secure, that you can’t help but nod. You suddenly feel really overwhelmed, from the sweet coaching of your one brother, the greedy hands and lips of the other, the stress of not being able to tell anyone. As tears come up with every blink, you toss yourself into Issei’s chest, sighing in relief as his arms immediately wrap tightly around you. You feel so ashamed of lying to him this morning, when all he wants is to make sure you’re safe and happy. His familiar scent is the most comforting thing in the world.

Your face is pressed tightly against his neck, hands grabbing onto the sides of his shirt as you whimper in defeat. You already knew you’d spill as soon as you walked into his room, but that doesn’t take away how good it feels to be honest. “I’m sorry for lying to you this morning, but I thought you’d be mad.” His fingertips are chilly on your skin, dragging goosebumps out of you automatically as they brush the skin of where your thigh meets your waist, alternating between gentle tracing and more forceful kneading of your tender skin. It’s too close, he’s too close but he’s always been touchy with you, so you allow it without a second thought.

Despite the cracking coolness that always comes off him, his hugs are warm. It’s dizzying. The small of your back is rubbed in gentle, methodical patterns as Issei breathes into your hair, the warmth of his close body lulling you into security. “I’m really sorry, niichan. I won’t lie again. I just didn’t want you to tell daddy.” Your face sinking against his pecs, you can feel his heartbeat, it seems to thump through your own body with violent gratitude. “And Tooru said—”

“I know, little one,” he cuts you off gently, before burying his nose into you in return. As if even this close isn’t close enough. His voice is low in the silence, unwilling to disturb the rest of the house. “Tooru knows what he’s doing. He is smart about that stuff. It’s not your fault.” Once again he shifts to grab hold of your chin and tilts your face toward him, but because you’re so close you almost bump your forehead to his chin. 

The dark haired man doesn’t care at all, mouth just about level with yours and his breaths brushing past your cheeks. You attempt to put some space between your two faces but the hand that was on your chin immediately slides to the back of your neck. With that strong hand he keeps you in place as he presses his lips against yours again. Your eyes stay open in surprise at the first kiss, hands opening to push away from him but hovering mid movement at the little noise your brother makes.

“Issei, don’t,” you mumble into his mouth, flushing.

You don’t tell him that he’s too close though. He’s taking care of you because you came here. He’s holding you because you crawled into him. You asked for this, right? The lips on yours are soft and move slowly, as if not to scare you away. He kisses on you, kisses your top lip and then your bottom, and the corners of your mouth while you sit still like a wooden doll in his hold. If you were to pull away you might hurt him and you don’t want that.

After a few more of these kisses he pulls back, a line pulling between his brows at your unmoving state. “It’s okay,” he says softly, brushing some of your hair away, “you want to feel better?” It’s not really a question, since he continues right away. “I’m not going to do anything else, just kiss like that. It’s okay, right?” You swallow, unsure. It feels like you’re guilty of something, just not knowing what. But he looks so sure of himself.

“I’m not gonna do anything else,” he assures again, and so you nod. This leads him to drop his hand away from your neck and back down your body, long fingers settling right above your butt. “Your big brother’s here for you. Kiss me back.” It’s not a question, voice soft but steady and from the way his eyes sharpen onto your lips, you don’t want to disobey. You asked for his help, after all. You can’t remember really, but you must have.

Once again he leans in to kiss you, you press your lips back against his harder and he hums in agreement. You do your best to make him feel the movements of your mouth, not wanting to disappoint. Your soft pecks spurs him on more, body hovering over your much smaller shape eagerly as he moves his lips against yours, and too soon he starts pressing his tongue to the seam of your lips. He pries them open with ease, holding your head in place by your jaw when you move to pull back from him.

He’s soft though, careful still, but doesn’t want to let go of you. Feeling like you’re not allowed to move makes your chest tighten, uncomfortable spikes trembling in your airways. It’s such an uneasy feeling. Tooru does it too though, so it must be normal when kissing. You still don’t really like it. His lips are effortless in their chase of yours, plush and tender. It feels- a bit awkward, but he tastes good. Like honey and camomile tea. And he seems to think you taste good too, because he sucks at your tongue until it’s in his own mouth. It feels funny.

You feel his tongue rub around yours, finishing off with a few open mouth kisses before pulling back to breathe. “Much better. Good girl,” he whispers, flicking your nose playfully. If you were feeling a bit stressed before, this calms you. He’s here for you. This is all for you. The praise is sucked into your frazzled brain, happy to make him so happy. You even dare give him a kiss of your own, which makes Issei smile like he’s the sun.

For a moment you two sit like that, tangled together in each other’s arms. Then your big brother tilts your head to the side a tad, and brushes his fingers over the mess Tooru made of your skin. He wasn’t as gentle. Issei clicks his tongue in disapproval. “Did he hurt you? Do these hurt?” They do when he presses his fingers into them, hard, and you wince at the touch.

“Sensitive, huh?” he nods, before connecting his eyes with yours. “Niisan will make it feel better, okay?” And then, with a warning lift of his eyebrow he commands, “Don’t pull away.” His lips on your jaw. They are a bit cold against the irritated skin, dragging down from your face to your collarbones. Despite the sudden development, you feel grateful that he’s so sweet to you. Your big brother really is the kindest person to you, helping you even when you don’t ask for it. 

His breath hitches as he buries his face into your skin, his body leaning a lot of his weight into you. It makes you sink under him more, leaning back in an attempt to keep the same distance. If he gets much closer he’ll be on top of you. You don’t know if you want that. “You shouldn’t let him toy with you so much, little sister. He’s too rough with you,” Issei suddenly brings out, biting at the skin above your collarbone ever so softly.

His lips start planting more open mouth kisses on the abused skin, before he finally just grabs your thighs and drags your waist to his knees so that you’re laying under him. You squeak at the sudden move, before he lays his entire body on top of yours, pinning you to the bed. Your breathing is short when you look at him, eyes big. “Niichan, you can’t,” you mumble, “Tooru said only h-he’s allowed to lay on top of me— like t-this.” 

Your flustered stuttering is adorable to him, rosy cheeks making his hands come up to cup them. Not only is his body heavy and able to cover you entirely, it’s too warm. His thick thighs press your own down, and there’s a hardness that presses to the inside of your leg like that. You know what it means, it means he feels good. You don’t want to take that away from him, but you don’t feel good right now. “Issei nii,” you whine from under him again, and he shakes his head.

“I don’t want you two to fight— he’ll be mad,” you breathe again, looking to the couch that you came from earlier. A rough kiss is pushed to your mouth again, but this time you rebuke a bit harder against Issei’s eagerness and pull away. “Stop, oniichan. Daddy said you two can’t play rough with me anymore.” He listens to you but keeps rocking his center to yours gently anyway. The continued movement of his hips creates a friction that pools heat in your lower belly. You want to give in to the touches, since that’s what your big brother wants, and what they say goes. But the conflicting orders leave you in an insecure limbo.

“No, no, it’s okay.” He coos at your expression, before lifting his body from yours a bit and pushing his crotch to yours better. His lips move back to your marked neck, and true to his word, the warming kisses do work to soothe the pain of the hickeys a bit. Your entire neck is left going hot from his wet, greedy mouthing. When you whine at his blatant ignorance of your words, he smushes his face to your throat. “It’s alright. He won’t know, I won’t tell him.”

The brunet groans as he repeats the soft circular movement a few times more. He brings out a tense breath. “Hey, look at me. Look at me.” You listen so well, big eyes flicking back to his in an instant. He loves you so much that he can’t control himself well, pressing a few desperate kisses to your lips again. “It’ll be okay, I’m doing this because I love you. See?” He lifts his hips then, and you both look at the obvious tent in his sweatpants. “You know what this means, right? I promise it’s okay.” He lifts his entire weight on one of his arms for a moment, to lead your hand onto his clothed cock, squeezing your fingers around him. “Ah,” he breathes, eyes fluttering closed for a second.

“Feel okay? You like it?” You let him use your hand to stroke up and down, again and again, as his cheeks color a soft pink. Tooru does this when he lays in your bed often as well, and he always says it’s because you make him feel so good, too. You’re happy to make your big brother feel good, even if you’re not listening well right now. “Oniichan?”

“Yeah, feels perfect,” he breathes back, before taking your hand from him. “Stay like that.” He opens your legs wider, pulling you flush with his waist again, and then lowers himself back onto you. Because he’s so big, he can lean down to kiss you without having to squish you and does so with an eagerness like that of a hungry animal. He bites your lips and parts them with his own, before pressing his tongue back into your mouth, lapping and greedily taking everything he can get. His breath is so hot in your mouth, movements too fast for you to catch up. All the while he moves his hips to yours, rubbing his hard, covered cock against your panties. It feels good, though it makes you feel a bit icky too. When he pulls back a string connects your two mouths. 

“You’ve done this before? With Tooru?” If he’s referring to the rubbing, then yes. Tooru doesn’t kiss on your lips as much though, he likes kissing other places instead. You slowly nod at his question, not wanting to elaborate on the whole thing. It makes your brother hum. “With anyone else?” At that you flush, immediately shaking your head. As if Tooru would let anyone outside the family close enough to touch you in the first place. “No? Good. Only your big brothers should get to make you feel good.” His hips don’t still for a moment, rubbing his cock in between your legs up and down, rolling it side to side every so often.

It’s really warm, his body hovering so close to you only keeping the heat smouldering in your chest. And the continued movement too, it’s almost too much for you. Making you delirious. But you can’t say anything, because you don’t want to disappoint your brother. You let him suck at your tongue, bite your throat and shoulders, let him rut his hips into yours until he starts shaking on his arms. The huffs and breaths falling from his lips are soft, meant only for you. “Please,” he faintly whispers, though you’re not sure what he’s asking for. 

“You love your big brother?”

“Yes, of course!” you mumble at that, looking at the dark spot of his pants that he ruts into you rhythmically. He goes fast now, desperate like an animal in heat, one hand moving to knead at your tit. It’s a steadying move more than anything, his weight making it hard to take full breaths. You whimper softly, before grabbing at his shoulder in an attempt to lighten his weight on your chest. “Stop now, niichan, down there is sticky. It’s enough.” Your underwear is becoming uncomfortable, warm wetness covering your bottom lips. You don’t know when that happened, but as it cools to the room temperature it grinds your panties to your sensitive skin. “Wanna take it off,” you beg.

Your confession makes the older boy choke, looking down between your two bodies at the way his clothed cock ruts into you. “Ah, fuck,” he grunts, not wanting to move. Issei has thought of you like this for years, sneaking kisses and cuddles for as long as he can remember being close to you. But up until now, he’s always been the responsible one. The realist of the family. Yes, he would jack off to the thought of you bent over the table. And yes, he would glare at boys whenever they looked at you with mischievous eyes. But he never let it show this much.

Just minutes earlier, he had convinced himself that as long as his pants were still on, it wasn’t that bad. That only skin to skin would be wrong, would make him as desperate and volatile as your step brother is, but now that idea is suddenly front and center in his mind. It’s so warm, boiling almost. Precum beads through the fabric, the outline of his member is visible easily. It sticks to every dip and vein. “Fuckfuck fuck, just one second.”

It’s impossible to make himself stop, finally finding the courage to have you this way. No, more than that, losing the will to hold back. The want to take you as his becomes more unbearable the longer he drags on. His fingers pinch at your nipple, rolling it under his thumb until it hardens. Your noises are heaven to him. He pants. “Say that you love your big brother.”

“I love my big brother,” you mirror, sweat pooling under your tits as you wrap your arms around his neck. It’s so confusing. You want him to stop, but your body doesn’t seem to wanna let go. Issei moans loudly, and presses his lips back to yours. Over and over, he’s quivering on top of you, looking both too big for you and incredibly fragile despite it.

“I’m-,” he breathes, before grunting as he lifts his head as far away from you as possible, trying his best to clear his head. But it’s no good. His chest still heaving rapidly, in time with yours. He shakes his head to himself. “Whatever, I’m fucked anyway. Screw it.” He switches his fingers quickly to the other nipple, before shoving the shirt up your body enough to reveal it to him. He latches his lips there, sucking and lapping at the supple skin of your tits. His hot breath cascading over you. “Say it again, say my name,” he says and you oblige.

“Love my big broth-ah- brother Issei.”

He grunts praises into your hair, the arm carrying his weight scooting up a bit so he can lace his fingers in your hair. The other hand moves under your thigh and swings it around his waist, before fumbling with the now drenched cloth being rutted in between your lower lips. He doesn’t stop grinding into you, making it a struggle to pull it to the side to expose you more. But he gets there.

“So fucking pretty,” he moans, looking at his hand as it moves in between the folds of your center like it’s not his own. Your wetness is spread around the sensitive area as he takes a deep breath. “Ah- fucking shit- I’m in love with my little sister. I love my little sister. I love my little sister.” The chant is so faint, you want to pull him close and never let go. You love him too, of course you do. Even in the uncomfortable position, he does his best to slide a finger into you, and a second one.

“Wanna marry you and make you have my babies,” he mumbles out words into you in rapid succession, panting above you with sweat pooling at his hairline. “My bred little slut.” He makes himself grunt with the words, moving his head back to slot in between your neck and shoulder, biting at the skin there. “Mine, mine, mine,” he growls out against you, not letting the skin between his teeth slip until you cry out. That hurt. But the rest really does feel good, like he said it would. He moves his digits in and out in sloppy jerks, too shaky for a controlled movement. Loud squishing sounds fill the room. The rutting is now almost painful in speed and pressure, but in a mind-numbing way. “Say this little sister wants to be fucked by her big brother’s cock,” he begs against your chest, rubbing his face into your tits greedily.

“This little- ah ah ah- this little sister,” you try, his fingers drilling into you too hard to focus on anything, “wants to be fucked by-mhm her- big brother’s cock!” You squeeze out the last words quickly, before pulling the bunched up shirt in between your teeth to keep quiet. It’s a thought far off but the knowledge that your father could come home any second still makes you squirm. You shouldn’t be disobeying. You suckle on the shirt as you let him take advantage of your body, watch your tits being squeezed and your cunt being filled with his fingers with half-lidded eyes. It takes just a split second for Issei to grab at the edge of his sweats and pull it down his thighs enough to expose himself.

He stops his rhythm only to sit back on his heels and push your knees up to your chest, before laying back onto you. His big cock twitches against your leaking cunny as he grabs it at the base, and presses it into you. “God, I’m so fucked,” he brings out with a shivering breath, before pulling at the fabric in your mouth for you to release it. It makes some spit drip from the corner of your lips, covering your chin in wetness. He slowly pushes into your dripping hole, breathing stuttered at the heat of it. “But I only want you, and I want you to only want me.”

You know it to be true even before you can notice the tears welling up in his eyes. He might pass out before he’s in you all the way, he thinks, having just pushed the head in. He’s so fucking shaky. He moves the thick head of his leaking cock in and out a few times. Holding his breath as he slides a bit further each time, until he holds still in you with a loud groan. He takes a moment to breathe, really about to pass out any second. Head spinning.

All his muscles are solid, trembling with the strain. Your glowing heat compared to his skin is heaven. When you cry out softly at the massive stretch, he looks at you and presses one hand to your cheek to rub comforting circles into it. You look so content to be taking him, he feels so loved. So warm, and wanted, you’re so perfect to him. Like you were made just for him. You must sense it, because all of a sudden you smile at him. A soft, accepting sign of happiness that could only happen in this family. “I really love you, Issei,” you say.

Before he knows it, he’s choking up, a few tears rolling down the sides of his face thick and warm, he’s just so happy. “Ngh-ahh, you’re mine, my little girl.” He thrusts in the last half of him into you in one move, not trusting himself to last much longer like this, and immediately pulls out again. Each time he bottoms out in you, you make little noises. His girth drives into your softness slowly at first, filling you out entirely to the brim. It’s a stupidly perfect fit, making your cunt stretch just enough not to be painful, but only just.

“Niichan—”

You let out a stuttering breath when he connects his waist entirely with yours, the snap of his hips stinging pleasurably at your clit. Both already wound up far past your limits. Issei uses the last of his strength to rest all of his weight on his two lower arms where they are next to your head and pumps into you hard, before wiping a bead of sweat from his temple. “I love my little sister,” he admits again, throat tightening. He angles his body to slam into the exact spot to make you numb. “You’re so good to me, so warm.” The bed rattles from the violent movements, and his grunts are in time with every slap of his balls to your ass. “And you’re- ugh- so fucking tight. No one else—” He moans when you dig the nails of your one hand into his back mindlessly. “You’re mine.”

“Yes, yes, yes.” Your hands sliding higher as you mewl at his thrusts, grabbing onto the soft, shorter hairs at the base of his head. His eyes are closed, frown deep as he does his very best to last in your heat. You lift your butt from the bed to slam back into his thrusts, but honestly are going half brain dead with every snap. All you can do is whimper his name like a prayer, definitely when his thick fingers move to your sensitive clit. He rubs two fingers in tiny circles, thumb pressing beneath it in the same motion over and over, as you cling to him for dear life.

He’s at his limit just as much as you are. The greediest words fall out of his mouth before he can think about them. If he was more conscious of his actions, he’d probably be embarrassed. But you’re so tight, warm, clenching around him like your life depends on it. “Wanna fill my little sister- with my cum. Fuck a- mhm- baby into you. Love you so fucking much.” His thick cock curves into your warmth over and over, hitting high in your belly each time. Your knees bump into yourself as Issei pumps into you with his full weight over your tiny shape, not giving the bundle of nerves any rest.

It’s way too much. “Niichan, I need—” you bite your bottom lip so hard you can taste metal and clench your eyes shut, feeling the coil in your belly tighten until it’s ready to snap. “Please, ‘Ssei,” you beg. You must be pulling his hair so hard it’s dizzying, but you’re way too far gone to care. “Ah- pleaseplease please!”

 “Cum on your real niichan’s cock, slutty girl,” he breathes, speeding up his rhythm to a punishing degree. You’re a hair away from coming all over him, and he can feel it too. He holds a breath, before quickly bringing out some more words. “Open your eyes,” he begs, “keep your eyes on me. Wanna see you cum.” You open them to look into his dark brown eyes as best as you can, before you grab hold around his arms and grasp at his shoulders as your building orgasm shoots through you, walls clenching around his cock with a vice-like strength. 

Your mouth falls open and you bring out a mess of words, chanting his name as your vision goes white and black marks the edges. Your legs are wrapped around him entirely now, squeezing and shaking from the intensity. While you ride on a high Issei comes too, fingers barely moving anymore, a few thrusts bottoming as he spills hot, white ropes into your cunt. He’s surprisingly quiet, looking at your precious face under him as you come undone.

For a few moments after you’re away from the world, sweating and panting as you cling onto him, before you bury your face in his neck and whimper nothings. He topples onto your body, exhausted, before he wipes his hands on his bed and reaches up to cradle your head. Your legs drop down from him as you catch your breath, the soft lotus scent of his shower gel being the most comforting scent in the world. 

When you’re finally back to Earth, you let out a little giggle, and press gently at his shoulders to move him. Way too warm now. Issei groans at your pushy move, but removes himself from on top of you. He might just fall asleep if he lays there any longer. Ever so slowly, he pulls out, pausing to watch the mix of your fluids slowly gush out of your swollen pussy to drip down your body.

He sighs deeply, before smiling at your blissed out face and moving from the bed. It bounces slightly when his weight is removed. “I’m going to go get a towel and some water for you.” He brushes some hair from your face which you gratefully hum agreement to, pulls up his boxers and sweats and walks to the door of the room, before quickly slipping his drenched shirt over his head and tossing it into the hamper in the corner. When he slips out of his room quietly, the lights in the hall are already off. He shuts the door with a glance back at you, noting that you’d most likely be in dreamland by the time he returns, and moves quickly.

Just as he makes it to the bathroom, the door swings open. Tooru gives the taller guy a look, stepping to the side to let him pass. When the hell did he get home? He ignores it and grabs a towel, dunking one half of it under the tap, before grabbing a glass. All under his brother’s watchful eyes where he leans into the doorframe still. As the silence drags on, Tooru just sighs, shaking his head and raises an eyebrow. “You’re messed up, you know that?”

“So are you.” Issei glances over at the other, who crosses his arms over his wide chest.

Tooru only sighs deeply, before moving out of the bathroom, voice lithe but stable in the silence of the house. “If I don’t tell on you for being a sister fucker, you owe me.” Before Issei can respond though, Tooru’s lips pull into a little smile, widening mischievously. “If.”

#haikyuu smut #mattsun smut #oikawa smut #💫ch.matsukawa #💫ch.oikawa #tw.breeding #tw.incest

[spicyhoneybunnybeez]

♡Genre: Smut, 18+ only! Minors DNI!

♡Dogboy!c!Dream x GN!Reader

♡Format: Headcanon

♡Reposted from original blog!

♡Okay so let's get this out of the way, he is such a demanding puppy, oh my god. The most spoiled thing in the whole wide world and you're totally to blame because of how often you give into his demands.

♡Constantly acts like he's in heat around you. Grinding against you when you're asleep, whining out your name whenever your busy with something and begging you to let him fuck you, sometimes if he's feeling nice he'll even suck you off/eat you out as a way to wake you up because he's such a 'good boy' and wants to please you.

♡On the topic of praise, he freaking demands your praises in bed. He'll ask you to call him a good boy while slowing down his thursts and denying you your pleasure. Demands that you moan out that he's making his master feel so good with his cock. Upon hearing your slurred praises, his tail will wag pretty aggressively as he starts to speed up his thrusts to fuck you just how you like it.

♡Breeding kink anyone? When he actually is in heat he can't help but imagine getting you pregnant, he just wants you to be so full with his perfect little offspring. Even if you can't get pregnant that won't stop his lust filled mind from trying. You having his child would bring him such pride and that just fuels him.

♡I'm so sorry but he totally knots you- like when he's done he just plugs you up and leaves it that way. He doesn't pay any mind to your whining or whimpering over how sensitive and full you are, he will fall asleep like that and he expects you to do the same. To give him some credit though, he does lull you to sleep first with sweet soft words and tender touches before actually passing out himself.

♡An underwear thief. Whenever you leave him alone for too long he'll ransack your drawers and jack off with them wrapped around his cock to make them smell like him.

♡Very possessive puppy, will bite and mark you up where people will see, you look like you got mauled by wolves by the time he finishes and to a certain extent that is true.

♡Biting his ear or pulling his tail makes him go crazy because of how sensitive they are. It's a good way to make him crack and just straight up use you if he's being too slow or teasing you too much.

A/N: I was wheezing so hard when I got this request because I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT DOGBOY DREAM TEAM- Lord, thank so much anon for requesting this! XD I hope giving you headcanons is okay! I'll be happy to write a longer smut fic if that's what you wanted. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed reading this!

(Requests are open and anon is on!)

#mcyt smut #dream smp smut #c!/dream

[abundanceofnots]

a fic with a them and a kitten 🐈‍⬛❤

DANGER!

His instinct wakes him up, the familiar voice inside his head screaming at him to abandon the peaceful slumber and take cover.

Mickey’s eyes flip open to the sight of two beastly orange beams watching him from the darkness, and he scrambles back on the bed in a panic, elbowing Ian right in the back in the process.

“Not in the mood, Mick,” he murmurs sleepily from his side.

With a somewhat self-soothing litany of fuck fuck fuck fuck, Mickey leans over to flick on the table lamp on his nightstand. The creature isn’t on the bed anymore, so it’s probably not a complete idiot with suicidal tendencies (Creeping up on a guy like that, who fuckin’ does that? Only killers and morons, that’s who.), and when Mickey peeks over the edge of the mattress, he finds it sitting on the floor, staring at him with unblinking eyes.

Groaning, he rubs his face.

“What did I say about lettin’ that dirty clump of hair in the bedroom with us?”

To his annoyance, Ian just nuzzles deeper into his pillow, apparently not too preoccupied with the fact that his husband was virtually mauled in his sleep.

“S’not dirty anymore. Gave it a little bath.”

“Yeah? Bet it can still give me like uh—” Mickey blinks rapidly, the motors in his exhausted brain working overtime. “—like uh, rabies or—or AIDS!”

Ian gives a prolonged sigh. “It doesn’t have AIDS.”

“You don’t know that.”

And he really doesn’t, because the way this cat came to (temporarily!) stay with them was almost identical to how all shitty things happened to them.

The short version? They were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and Ian was too much of a soft bitch to just walk away from the situation and forget it ever happened.

The long version is basically the same but in a bit more words. The vermin must’ve snuck into their apartment complex when they were coming back from the store, full arms of shopping bags obscuring Mickey’s view of his surroundings, and followed them all the way up onto the second floor, lured by the smell of their bullshit organic ham from Whole Foods—or the looks of Mickey’s juicy calves, who could really know for sure.

Mickey only noticed it when they stopped in front of their apartment door, and the thing curled itself around the toe cap of his right boot, hell-bent on digging into it with its sharp claws and kicking it with its hind legs.

And okay, back then, it was sorta funny. Mainly because this was the least predatory behavior Mickey’s ever seen in his life. There was just suddenly this thing—hardly a full-sized cat yet, covered from head to toe in mud that made her hair stick together in little hedgehog-y spikes—which already decided to take on a big scary shoe.

So obviously, Ian’s natural reaction was to start ovulating on the spot and claim they had to take it in.

Fuckin’ soft bitch.

“It’s starin’ at me,” Mickey remarks from the bed as he observes the cat-midget with a scowl. He really had to stop enabling Ian’s savior complex.

“Close your eyes.”

“What if it sneaks up on me again, slits my throat open?”

“You have a fat neck. It would have to dig real deep.”

Deciding the second-rate muff on the floor can wait, for now, Mickey turns to Ian. “Who’s side are you fuckin’ on?” he snips at the back of his head.

“My side,” Ian replies tiredly and then shuffles under his comforter to lie on his other side, facing Mickey. “Look, she was scratching at the door, meowing like crazy. You probably couldn’t hear it over your snores, but I did. What else was I supposed to do?”

Mickey watches him for a second. “I don’t snore.”

“Right.” Rolling his eyes, Ian hauls himself off the bed. “Must be my other husband, then. I always get you two confused.”

He takes out one of his older hoodies from the midsized wardrobe opposite the bed and lays it on top, fluffing it a little, so it forms an impromptu nest. Then, he gently grabs the cat and sits it on there, letting it sniff around the material for a couple of minutes before it finally settles down, leaning its head on its outstretched paws. Its eyes stay on alert.

“They like being high up,” Ian answers Mickey’s questioning looks when he comes back to bed. “So they can monitor us and the room at all times. Makes them feel safe.”

“The fuck did you learn that?”

“Google. Done some quick research last night.”

“Oh! So you become a fuckin’ cat lady in one night, but when I asked you to figure out how we could install a sex swing in the empty room—”

Reaching over him to switch the light off, Ian smacks a kiss on Mickey’s cheek.

“Goodnight, Mick.”

Reluctantly, Mickey closes his mouth, already feeling himself deflate.

Whatever. They’re getting rid of that thing later today.

---

“Hey! You’re early,” Ian greets him from the couch. His head propped up on the armrest is the only part of him that Mickey can see from the door, and it makes him chuckle. This way, Ian looks like a magician’s assistant.

“Yeah. The new guys aren’t so useless after all.” Having taken his jacket off, Mickey stalks closer to the couch, his lips already curling into a smirk. “Figured we could use the time better. Maybe take the new toy for a spin. Introduce it to my assho—WHAT THE FUCK is that thing still doing here?”

The surplus pair of eyes regard him from Ian’s chest, quite unperturbed by his outburst as it gets its chin and ears scratched.

“We kinda bonded,” Ian admits sheepishly.

“I can see that.”

In the daylight, and probably after another thorough scrub, the creature’s fur got a vivid, ginger color. Mickey would probably laugh at the resemblance if he wasn’t so set on hating this thing.

“I couldn’t just ditch her. Look at her!” Ian tries to argue, as if looking at it would solve the problem.

Nah, no way. He’s not falling for this dumb big sad eyes crap again. The last time he did, he ended up with a husband in a prissy apartment on the West Side. And now, on top of that, he’ll most likely have to share it with a tiny ass-licker—and not even the kind he likes.

“Bought some stuff,” Ian adds after a pause, motioning in the direction of the kitchen counter where a stack of cans stood next to a bag of dry cat food and cat litter. “She’ll stay with us for some time. Two weeks max, I swear. And we’ll try to find her a new home in the meantime.”

Mickey surveys the counter for another beat. “That’s for two weeks?”

“Mick’s a big eater.”

He swears his eyes grow three times their standard size at that.

“You named it ‘Mick’?” he asks reproachfully.

Ian grimaces. “Yeah? But not on purpose,” he explains apologetically. “I just started telling her about you, and she seemed to perk up every time I mentioned your name. I think she thought it was her name.”

“Great.”

“You said it yourself: Mickey can be a girl’s name, too. And it makes sense because she reminds me of you in so many ways.”

Mickey inspects the cat that’s supposed to be so much like him and finds that during their conversation, she fell asleep and was now letting out these low huffs against Ian’s T-shirt.

And sure, now, in her pacified state, just sprawled like that like a hairy-ass baby on Ian’s chest, Mickey could see himself calling her cute. Maybe. Whatever.

“Even if she looks like your long-lost sister?” he jokes.

“A ginger with Milkovich attitude. Kinda perfect, don’t you think?”

As Mickey watches his big softie of a husband tenderly stroke the cat’s fur, grinning at her as if he was already completely enamored with her, he realizes that he’s smiling, too.

Ah, shit. Mickey’s so fucked.

To be continued. Maybe.

#i only have time for something short i said to myself #and then whipped out this 1.3k fluffy baby #anyway i'm dumb #hope you like it debs! #and sorry for waiting for it only for 78 years #my fics #gallavich fic #mick meet mick #shameless fanfiction #writing prompt #nancynwheeler #answered

[space-blue]

Oh man, what a tumultuous time to contract Star Wars brainrot! After recovering from a major case of Arcane addiction, BoBF seemed like a good time after how much I had enjoyed The Mandalorian. Now I'm in this surreal situation where the past two weeks have been The Mandalorian Season 2.5 with enough cameos to make a fanfic author blush. To the credit of this week's episode though, I have FALLEN for Cad Bane and must do myself the justice of experiencing him properly in The Clone Wars!

My god I wrote you a super long, super detailed answer with tons of links and gifs and shit and then firefox just hiccuped and I lost everything, including my will to live.

Siiiigh.

Anyway, the short of it is: if you fell for Bane as he is in Bobf, looking like a putty model of an overly flossed fucked up child of the Mouth of Mordor and Nosferatu, then you're in big trouble, because his Clone Wars and Bad Batch appearances are SO fucking good.

King is not even the same character. Ahem, I mean, he actually has a personality in those, he's not a cameo. Since he's not one of the mainline villains, he's also allowed to succeed, making him one of the most efficient baddies in the series. He's a fun loving guy too, even if his definition of fun is to commit crimes and earn good credits... He's genuinely living his best life, smiles and laughs often, acts like a grumpy blue Clint Eastwood... I love him.

And wait until you meet Todo 360, his sassy little short king of a droid, totally not a buttler droid!

Anyway, this wasn't Bane... I refuse. I close my eyes. Where's his hat? Is the hat safe? Is the hat OK? You know, the large hat he literally kills someone for? Where's his toothpick? Where's his attitude? Why is he acting like he's some feather ruffled Pyke? Why is he walking out of the desert? Why is the most expensive bounty hunter in the galaxy being paid to intimidate a bunch of miners in a settlement that isn't even on planetary maps, on a shit-hole planet, where no one even recognises him? Why??

Well, once you're done getting in touch with your inner alien-lover, let me offer you these recs :

This fic by @ashcroft-writes is a Bane/Kenobi fic, but don't run away, it's actually a true galaxy brain pairing. The writing is fantastic, the smut is stellar, but the characterisation, the plot? The worldbuilding???

You come in for Bane smut and snaz, you stay for the incredible story. Like, this fic will cleanse your skin and water your crops. I can't stress this enough. It's something else. It has politics, banter, inner turmoil, action... Did I mention the smut?? Urghhm

This link goes to all 7 of my fics featuring Cad Bane. I had made you little summaries with hyperlinks in them for all of them, to explain better but... I don't have the energy to go over this again and risk getting shafted by the evil gods of technology once more.

In I'll make It Worth Your While (which you can read fandom blind) Cad adopts a kid. She features as an adult in a lot of later stories, either a side character (Cross Over My Heart, A Single Slice of Lemon Cake, and I'll Give You A Reward) or as a main PoV character (In Odd Company).

@spicedrobot also recently tripped and fell face first into the Cad Bane mania, and I totally didn't have my foot out. Very much looking forward to what arises from that tumble ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

Whatever you do, don't miss out on reading the Darth maul comics (and DM me if you want them for zero credits). They're an excellent self contained story, and feature a ton of Cad Bane being... Cad Bane and like

you know

Parting thoughts : I can't believe you claim to have recovered from Arcane addiction. Seriously, what's the trick? I'm still crying in my corner trying to think of other things and getting whipped by my Muse. It's Silco or die in here. You're probably healthier than I am I guess lol

#ask #cad bane #sw #star wars #fic recs

[goliath-de-senfina-sango]

Fathering a Phantom ch2

I just wanna Talk, I swear

Here we have the chapter 2 for that fic from earlier! Once again, here ya go @five-rivers @floralflowerpower and @uwuplasmiusuwu

“Cole I’m going to murder someone,” was the first thing that Toby said to his husband upon arriving once more in their temporary sanctuary. Cole paused mid throw of his javelin, electric sparks crackling up the polearm, and turned to look at his husband. Toby’s wings were ablaze, his nails sharpened into claws, and his eyes a colorful storm, as though he couldn’t decide what to turn into for maximum lethality. Cole set down his javelin and wrapped around Toby in a hug.

“Who are you planning to murder, sunshine? And should I join in? I haven’t gotten into a good fight since we got here, which is a shame.” Cole coalesced from a mass of clouds into something a bit closer to his original body when Toby relaxed in his embrace, running his fingers through shimmering feathers made of embers. “You really do look like a star like this, by the way.”

“There was, I think, a war forged around here who fired a bunch of rockets at a child! You know that liminal kid I told you about?”

“Oh right, we’re rare in this realm, huh?” Cole’s face scrunched up in confusion and he arched a brow. “I thought the liminal around here beat up the tyrant ruling the place when he woke up?”

“I didn’t exactly ask about what must’ve sucked when I half blew up the metalhead.” Toby flew over to the couch and flopped face first into it. “Now I gotta track him down.”

“Why only half? Sounds like someone you’d take out in one go if you had the drop on em.”

“Well, do you wanna traumatize a kid of unknown cultural origins? He’s so small, and his friends were clearly still living humans. I dunno if he’s seen someone die before, let alone a ghost getting Ended. If I recall, committing murder is a bad way to start a friendship with a child.”

Cole snorted and gave Toby a pat on the shoulder. “Alright, fair, Sildar didn’t like me much after that rescue. But hey, now you can put that on your to do list! Murder, the answer to most problems.” Toby laughed, phasing through the couch when Cole sat on him. “There he is, my giggly celestial chandelier.”

“Do you even remember what a chandelier is? I know you broke like three of them over someone’s head, but I forget whose head.” Toby put out the flames in his feathers and stretched, satisfied when his spine popped a few times. “It’s nice to still be able to do that.”

“I’ll be honest, being a cloud has made the sound of your joints popping kinda gross to me. It sounds like you’ve still got a flesh and blood body.” Cole sat up, scratching his head. “Do you still have a humanoid body? With like, meat and bones and stuff?”

“Probably, yeah. We’ll see, cause if so that’ll come in handy with helping out this liminal kid. Said his name is Danny Phantom.” Toby paused, the feeling of his feather being torn an odd and upsetting one. “Speaking of whom, I should go meet up with them. Think you can find this ‘Skulker’ guy while I educate some kids?”

Cole kissed Toby on the cheek and gave him a thumbs up. “Will do! I can’t promise there’ll be much left of him afterward though, I’m not a fan of idiots who attack kids.” Toby smiled and in a flash of light and beat of wings, he was gone. Cole nodded to himself and grabbed his maul, crackling with electric arcs, and opened up the door to their temporary Sanctuary. “Now then, who the fuck is Skulker?”

After having a small debate about where they couldn’t go and why, team Phantom finally ended up at the indoor roller rink that was partially destroyed by a giant ghost crab a while ago, and sat down at a table that Danny cleared of debris with an ectoblast or three. “Ok guys, I think this is a good enough place to call him up.”

“Are we sure it’s a good idea to call him at all?” Sam held up the feather she’d kept in her pocket, turning it about to watch the golden flame dance. “He took down Skulker pretty fast and it usually takes you a good half hour to do that, Danny.”

“Skulker specializes in attacking Danny is all, Sam. We’ve got the weapons to handle pretty much any ghost we normally deal with, and Danny took down the king of ghosts. I’m pretty sure he can handle anyone else.”

“Plus, Toby wrecked Skulker pretty bad. If he wanted to fight, I’m pretty sure he would’ve started a fight.” Danny condensed his ectoblasts into one ball of ectoplasma and stretched it out into a pole. “Imagine all the cool stuff he could show us!”

“Alright, if you say so.” Sam snapped the feather in half, surprised by how easy it was to do, and grabbed her ecto-pistol. For a moment, there was silence. Then the sound of wingbeats filled the room and Toby appeared above the rink as though landing from a long flight.

“That’s a spell I’m not used to casting frequently in a day. Heyo kids!” Toby waved, tucking his wings by his sides while walking closer. “Sorry for the delay, I was talking to my husband. So, names again just to be sure: Sam, Tucker, and Danny, right?”

“Yeah, that’s right. What do you mean spell, exactly? Do ghosts have magic ontop of the other ghost powers now?” Tucker spun the lipstick laser around in his fingers, remembering Desiree’s magic and Freakshow’s staff.

“Anyone who can do magic keeps the ability in death, usually. I’m not dead though, I’m Deathless.” He spread his wings and spun around, thumbs pointing to his chest. “I was born awesome like this, and so was Cole. But, based on your faces you weren’t born like this?”

“No,” Sam said, gesturing at Danny. “This is a recent thing, it’s been since about…” Sam paused, her gaze landing on the wall behind Toby. “March of last year, so 14 months.”

“Yeah, god, we’ve been doing this for over a year now, haven’t we?” Tucker, who had held up a camera to record everything Toby was saying, slumped a bit in his seat and sighed. “Feels like it’s been like this forever and like it happened yesterday.”

Toby stared at them all like they’d each grown extra limbs in odd places – Danny even checked to make sure he hadn’t done that while feeling both old and young at the same time due to how little time had actually passed – before zipping over to Danny and holding his hands just over the teen’s face. “Oh my gods, you’re a baby.”

“I am a teenager, thank you.” Danny gently pulled Toby’s hands away from his face, a brow raised. “What, is 14 infantile to angels, feather man?”

“You’re only 14 months dead, Danny, that makes you a baby ghost.” Sam snorted and Tucker covered his mouth to try and hide his laughter. A snap of Toby’s fingers and flowers began growing in Tucker’s hat, and seeds appeared above Sam, growing into flowers as they fell all over her. “If you’ve had regular interactions with that metal head, no wonder your aura’s all aggro.”

“Skulker’s not exactly the worst of the ghosts we’ve had to fight over the months,” Danny said.

“Oh yeah, that’d have to be either Walker, Spectra, or Vlad. It’s really a toss up between Spectra and Vlad, if you ask me.”

“Vlad wants to kill Danny’s dad because he sees his mom as a trophy that was stolen from him, while Spectra tried to kill Jazz just to depress an entire school so she could feed on the misery to look young.” Sam brushed away the flowers and weighed two in her hands. “Yeah, those around the same level of grossly evil.”

Toby’s wings ignited at some point while Sam was talking, and the sunlight streaming in from the hole in the roof grew somewhat brighter. He reached into a bag he had strapped to his waist and pulled out a book and a pen, his smile all teeth. “Tell me, please, a list of all the adult ghosts who have attacked you children? I’d like to have a discussion with each of them.”

“If we give you their names,” Danny said before Tucker could answer, “do you promise not to go slaughtering them all? I don’t need to know ghostly body language at all to know that flaming wings come from a place of anger and imminent violence.”

“When did you read a thesaurus, Danny?”

“Sam, I’m insulted: I know tri-syllabic words. I can even say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.”

“I promise not to slaughter all of the ghosts you inform me hurt you in the past few months, yes. Names?” When Tucker listed off names, Toby wrote them down with an inhuman speed, and Danny exchanged a look with Sam, worried about how exactly that deal might be loopholed around. “Right,” Toby chirped while slamming his book shut, “I’m here to answer some questions of yours, not just ramble about myself and assemble a… list of people to talk to. Got any?”

“So many that I don’t even know where to start.”

#Danny Phantom #Danny Fenton #Tucker Foley #Sam Manson #Tobias Lumano #Cole Lumano #OCs #Fanfction #fanfiction #fanfic #phanfic #phanfiction #phanphic #fanphic #fanphiction #Rexy Writes

[thran-duils]

Lost in Zero Gravity (P.21)

Title: Lost In Zero Gravity (Part Twenty One) Summary:  Fem!Reader x Mob Boss!Tony Stark x Mob Boss!Steve Rogers.  Reader is a call girl who runs high end parties. She catches the attention of Tony Stark who invites her back to his room with his friend. She might have performed too well because she becomes their new favorite play toy and they don’t like to share. Words: 3,051 Warnings (for the fic in entirety): Smut, prostitution, infidelity, angst, domestic violence, stalking, possessive behavior, drug use

Part Twenty || Part Twenty Two || Masterpost (mobile) || Fanfic masterpost

“What the hell happened?” Rhodey demanded after a few moments of awkward silence after Steve had stormed out.

Happy had closed the door after Steve, also looking at Tony now with expectation for an answer.

“Nothing,” Tony said aggressively, pushing the reactor and the suit began retracting.

“Nothing? You don’t get to cause that uproar here in the facility and then not give any of us an answer—” Rhodey started to argue.

“Who’s in charge here?” Tony interrupted him shortly.

Rhodey shook his head, “Tony, that’s not fair. And you know it.”

“Life isn’t fair,” Tony quipped, walking over to his desk to snatch up his phone. He began texting quickly.

“If something is going on between you two, the rest of the team deserves to know! Especially since you’re pulling the ‘who is in charge’ card. That’s the two of you!” Rhodey said. “You manage a lot of people and factions are not what the operation needs to function properly.” He stepped closer and continued, “It’s her isn’t it? Heard pregnancy test and that’s not hard to deduce why both of you would be concerned about that.”

Tony was scrolling through his phone, not answering Rhodey.

Irked, Rhodey pressed, “I don’t know why the two of you thought sharing was going to work out. You are both hardheaded, sons of—”

“Rhodey, if you’re going to continue nagging at me like an old lady, please just leave. I’m busy,” Tony interjected again, distracted still.

“No! You need to be open!” Rhodey shouted, finally fully catching Tony’s attention. Happy rose his brows in surprise at his boldness. “You two just almost plummeted each other.”

Tony ground his teeth, staring Rhodey down. Exhaling sharply, he finally said, “Fine. Yes. You’re right. Her. And you know, everything was going fine before Steve started having his martial problems. And he started playing fast and loose with Y/N’s safety. He brought her on a mission a couple of days ago – with Bucky and Sam, mind you, so they’re also on my shit list – using her as a pawn and she had no idea what was going on. He left her on a boat with Qian and Perez. Got her caught it the middle of the crossfire, so that was a fun clean up job for me.” That was shock to Rhodey and Happy, both of them caught off guard. “So, yeah, I’m a little fucking piqued, you could say. He’s spiraling because of things at home.” He paused for a beat before sighing, “And he was fucking with her birth control. So, hey, I might be a dad. Again. Even if I didn’t want that.”

Tony all but collapsed into his chair behind his desk, tossing his phone down on the desk. “I don’t know if I should move her. I told him to stay away, and he lured me away and snuck in there and took her. He has a key.”

Rhodey was silent for the first time in the conversation but Happy offered, “It might be for the best.” Tony turned his attention to him and Happy continued, “If you are really worried about it. Removing temptation… sometimes that is the best medicine.”

<><><>

“Let’s go,” Steve said shortly, coming into the locker room. He threw open his locker and reached inside for the freshly washed uniform.

“What the hell happened?” Sam demanded, seeing how disheveled Steve was. He was fresh out of the shower after having done an intense work out.

“Nothing. I’m gonna get suited up and start working. Are you going to join?”

“What do you mean ‘nothing’? Your chin is cut up and—”

Steve barked, shutting Sam up, “I said nothing happened, Sam!” He tossed his suit on the bench behind him and began working at the buttons on his three piece to get undressed.

Sam stood up, gripping at the towel around his waist, staring Steve down. He glared as Steve tossed his suit jacket onto the bench and ripped his tie off. Steve noticed his glare and his hands began to falter under the intensity until they slowly fell. His dress shirt was unbuttoned, and his belt undone.

Evenly, Sam asked, “What happened? What is going on?”

Steve sighed heavily, his hands coming to his hips, head hanging. He was quiet for a few moments, breathing deeply. His voice was quiet when he admitted, “Tony and I got into it. Badly. Right in his office. I… he pissed me off and I just saw red. He hit where he shouldn’t have and he did it on purpose to get a rise out of me. And I fell for it. Like a fucking idiot.” He rubbed at his face. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Take a step back.”

“It’s not as easy as that, Sam!”

“I mean from work. Take some time. You don’t need to throw yourself into this just to escape whatever is happening. Take a step back from work and focus on the shit in your personal life.”

Steve chewed on his lip before saying quietly, “You’re right.” He nodded this time and repeated, “You’re right. I… I need…”

Sam cut in, picking up his slack. “You need to do what’s best for you and your wife. That’s what’s important.”

Steve nodded again. Sam was not privy to his relationship with Y/N. All he knew was she was a prostitute that Steve visited sometimes. But he was right on one thing; he did want his relationship better with his wife. And right now, that was something that was going to be easier to control than his relationship with Y/N.

<><><>

Sitting at the table, eating lunch, you heard voices outside the hall coming closer and you put your fork down. The front door opened, and Tony walked in, followed by a handful of men. Luna booked it from her cat tower down the hallway towards the bedroom at the crowd. You stared at them confused as Tony was giving them directions about what to pack together. You spotted a few bringing in copious amounts of broken down moving boxes, carrying packing tape.

“Bedroom things first. That’s the most important. She needs somewhere to sleep obviously. The bed is easily broken down. The tools for it… I think are in the top drawer of the nightstand on the far side of the bed by the window. I made sure it would be nearby,” Tony was telling a few of them. He had failed to look or notice you at the table, sitting there bewildered. “I saw the cat run down there, so close the door when you go in. She’ll probably run into the closet if she’s under the bed. I just want her corralled and out of the way of everyone else. Do not – and I repeat, do NOT – let her out! We’ll get her into the cat carrier after everything is packed up. And you all are in charge of making sure that bed is ready to go at the new condo.”

New condo?

He turned towards a few more of them and said, “Start breaking down the living room.” To the last couple, he said, “The bathroom. Be sure to properly label everything.”

Tony finally laid eyes on you and walked over to the kitchen table, pulling out his cell phone. “How are you doing, love?”

“How am I… what is happening?” you inquired.

“You’re moving,” Tony informed you, texting.

The men were already setting to work, and you moved your gaze around the apartment in disbelief. Who were these guys and what in the actual fuck was going on?

“Why?” you asked confused.

“Because. I found somewhere better priced.”

“Where?”

“Carnegie Hill.”

That was his neighborhood. He had told you that before, to your immense surprise, giving away his home location. But he had – as you suspected – started trusting you more in recent months. Why was he moving you closer to his family? And especially in that neighborhood? Cheaper? You were hard pressed to believe that bald-faced lie.

“You found something cheaper there than this?” you asked him, completely disbelieving.

“Yep,” Tony told you curtly, still not looking up from his phone. “A nice condo. Nice dropped living room and dining room. Iron work looks great.” You were staring at him intensely as he clicked away on his phone. He felt the burn of your stare and looked up. “What?”

Exasperated you threw your hands out, “What… Tony! I’m just sitting here eating lunch and all these people are in here now and just packing up my stuff! And you’re telling me I’m moving!”

Tony exhaled sharply, tossing his phone onto the table as he pulled out a chair beside you and sat down. Leaning in close he said, “You’re moving closer to me. It’s easier.”

“Easier?”

“Better,” he offered.

“Why? So I can run into your wife into one of the coffee shops and she can maul my face there?”

Tony’s expression was hard, and you really could not give a shit less. You had already told him how you felt about being in close proximity with her.

“First off, Alessia does not go get her own coffee. She sends people for that, Or she has the maid make it for her in her French press. Hell would freeze over the day she was asked to stand in a line and agree to it,” Tony started out, his tone tight. “And secondly, only I will have a key to the place.”

Reality set in on what he was doing. He was leaving Steve out. Did Steve even know this was going on? The memory of Tony last night telling you that he loved you outright flashed through your mind. He had been furious when he had learned what Steve had done to you. A wedge had been driven between them at your expense.

“So, yes, easier. And better,” Tony clipped, leaning away from you again, keeping his gaze fixated on you for a few more moments before tearing it away. He picked up his phone again and unlocked it. “Finish your lunch. You don’t have to lift a finger for this. They’ve got it covered. All we gotta do is get Luna into a carrier. And that’ll be easy, right?”

You were at a loss for words. What if Steve came looking for you? How angry was he going to be when he realized that you were no longer here? And would he think it was you that had asked Tony to move you? You had so many questions.

Tony picked up your fork and held it out to you. “Eat, love. Just relax. I’ve got it covered.”

Timidly, you reached out and took the fork from him, and he visibly relaxed of the tension in his body. You stuck your fork into your rice and took a bite, watching the men working warily.

<><><>

Steve kissed up Cecile’s abdomen, his trail leading between her breasts and up to her lips. She smiled against his lips as he entered her slowly. They rocked together in tandem, coming down together. Steve held her close and whispered in her ear, “Let’s take a few days. You and me. Maine?”

“Seclusion is always nice,” Cecile told him, pecking him on the nose, causing Steve to smile.

“Right on the sea?” Steve questioned, holding her close, cognizant of her swollen abdomen.

Cecile traced his face and said, “You know what I like.”

“That I do,” Steve returned softly. He kissed her deep and relished in feeling like they were truly close again.

<><><>

You had just gotten out of the shower to wash the chlorine off of you. One of the perks of the new condo was the pool. You enjoyed doing laps and the hot tub afterward. Sitting in a robe, you picked up the remote and turned on the TV. Choosing a show, you unwrapped the popsicle you had taken out of the fridge.

The familiar sound of the key in the door echoed and you did not bother to move, knowing the only one who would be coming in was Tony. You had been here for a week and had finished rearranging all of your things in the new layout a couple days ago. Thankfully, Luna had adjusted and loved the window beds on the large windows, giving her access to watch out over the street.

He was dressed down – unusual for him. And he looked nervous, and you were on edge immediately just as you had been when he had looked that way sitting in the living room when you had come home from the gym.

“What?” you asked him reluctantly.

He said nothing. He held a bag out to you, and you stared at him for a moment before you opened it, peaking in.

Your stomach dropped, seeing another pregnancy test.

“Why are you making me do this? For real this time?” you asked him seriously.

He licked his lips and sat down stiffly on the opposite end of the couch. He was refusing to look at you, his elbows resting on his thighs, hands clasped. “I… you need to do it.”

“Why?” you pressed.

“Because. You… you might be pregnant.”

Shaking your head, you told him, “I already took a test. Less than two weeks ago!”

“Have you missed a period?”

“I rarely bleed,” you countered.

“That makes it even more important that you take the test then.”

“Why are you so concerned about this?”

Tony exhaled sharply, hanging his head. He was silent for a few moments, the suspension in the room thick. His voice was brittle, “You weren’t protected. For over a month. December and January, respectfully, between the two.”

You gaped at him. Stammering, you asked, “W-what are you talking about?”

He looked resistant to speak but he shook his head, “Steve.”

“Steve, what?” you asked dangerously.

“He told me at the beginning of January that he had been fucking around with your birth control. Giving you placebos.”

You felt like you had been kicked. Your fingers grasped tighter onto the paper back, it crinkling in your hand. The silence in the room was deafening; Tony refusing to look at you made it even worse.

If what he was saying was true, Steve had betrayed you beyond belief. You had thought his actions at the docks were the lowest he could go but apparently, he was determined to prove you wrong. And for what? To lock you down further?

“Why?” you rasped.

Tony shrugged, “I don’t know. Really. He… he’s having problems. At home, with his wife, I mean.”

“And? Getting me pregnant was going to solve that?”

“No,” Tony gave a dry laugh, shaking his head. “No, it wouldn’t have solved it. He’s… he’s not thinking straight. That has been made noticeably clear.”

“You knew?” you asked quietly. And he finally looked at you, shame etched into his features. “When you asked me to take the first test?”

His answer hit you like a ton of bricks. “Yeah, I did.”

“And you didn’t say anything?” you asked breathlessly.

“You… you were negative. And I was just going to let it rest and move on. No purpose of drawing up drama when it didn’t need to be drawn up.”

“I trusted you,” you half gasped, getting up from the couch.

Tony followed your movement, half stumbling around the opposite side of the couch to chase after you as you clutched the bag close to your chest. He quickly dove into excuses, “I mean it when I said I thought it should stay buried. As long as it was okay. To save you from that stress. And I thought Steve could get his head on straight. But then he went and proved me fucking wrong. So wrong. And that’s why I moved you. He doesn’t know where you are. I’m not going to let him around you. Not until he can prove he has himself set straight again. And if that never happens, then you don’t have to see him again!”

He sounded so desperate for you to forgive him, thank him for what he was doing.

Swallowing sharply, you put up a wall. Coldly, you told him, “I have to go do this.” You tapped the bag. “You know… something I didn’t want to have to do. Ever. But here I am forced again by controlling men to do shit against my will.”

Tony looked wounded by that, and you ignored it, turning on your heel, storming down the hallway. You gritted your teeth. You were going to do your damndest to not cry.

<><><>

It had been over ten minutes since Y/N had locked the bathroom door before he finally heard something.

Tony was leaning on the wall outside and he heard her stifle a sob. His eyes closed, exhaling deeply. He pushed away from the wall and his hand came to the door handle of the door, but he hesitated. His hand fell from the handle, deciding to give her space, and he walked away back towards the living room, his hand coming up to rub at his face, distressed.

Yes, it was going to be easier having her close by pregnant to watch over, he thought to himself.

Regardless of if it was his or not.

<><><>

Daryl or Eric were not in the lobby, causing Steve to frown. Were they upstairs? He got into the elevator, a bad feeling swirling in his gut.

He exited the elevator, holding the envelope to Y/N’s favorite local boutique close to him. He meant to just slide it underneath the door to avoid pissing Tony off even further but to still connect to her. Extend an olive branch and slowly apologize, getting himself back to her good graces.

He stopped though, seeing Terrence or Wylan were not there at the hallway’s end. Worry was beginning to seep in deep at the fact both sets of men were not where they were supposed to be.

Picking up his pace, Steve moved to her apartment door and his heart hammered seeing the keylock on her door instead of a deadbolt. That meant she had moved, and the apartment was empty.

His jaw set, fury burning its way through him.

Tony, that son of a bitch.

~~~

Forever tags: @coconutqueen21 @undecidedsworld

Fic tags: @icant-hangout-imdrumming @oceaniamaddness @multifandom-superlover @imsonick @holl2712 @here4thefanfics @agustdowney @fanofalltheficsx @buttercandy16 @last-saturday-night

#tony stark x reader #steve rogers x reader #dark tony stark #dark steve rogers #dark marvel #dark marvel fic #dark!tony stark #dark!steve rogers #my shit