#over my head forever

[tasteyandfreshe]

i was scrolling through my notifications (rare behavior) and accidentally stepped on this landmine

im fucking aghast

#chrissaysstuff #i am straight up taking psychic damage right now #-1 -1 -1 -1 -1 -1 -1 #over my head forever #THIRTEEN YEARS #THIS TUMBLR BLOG IS THE SAME AGE AS MY COUSIN #HE'S ABOUT TO START HIGH SCHOOL #IT'S BEEN ACTIVE FOR FOUR TIMES AS LONG AS THE CONFEDERACY #actually thats mostly a jab at the confederates #lasted four years lmao #anyway i think im going to burn all my identifying documents #throw my phone into a river #and walk east into the rising sun

[inkskinned]

yesterday while feverish i wrote about how boats can moor next to each other like pigeons, cooing with the gentle rap of water against their hull. you once said that that the way i see things - birds in the water, feathers in marina paint - was "childish and naive." you said i'd been misdiagnosed - "it can't all be adhd. you might be just kind of stupid and lazy."

i still do certain things like how you taught me - turn the pillow case inside out before putting it on. drive defensively. hate myself entirely.

the prompt for this poem is "mahler's fifth." i wish it wasn't, but mahler's fifth was our song. it ended up in my book. every person that knows your name has promised me they'll give you one swift rabbit punch, right to the face. dean read the book and showed up on my front porch, drenched in sweat from running the 8 miles at 4 in the morning. he was shaking. pacifist and gentle - he works with children - i'd never seen him furious. a punch isn't going to do it, he said, and then said i'm sorry. i had to come to see if you were okay.

mahler's fifth was mine first, like my girlhood. i like the way each movement piles onto the next movement, each instrument bleeding into the next. i like the horn version the best. before i met you, i danced to it on grass still-wet from sprinklers.

later you would tell me that the way you heard it was somehow better. you understood something in it that i couldn't quite wrap my fingers into. once, on our anniversary, you asked the classical music radio station to play it for us. we missed hearing it because we were fighting. one of the things people get wrong about abuse is that sometimes victims are, like, brutally aware of the stupidity of our situation. what do you mean that you thought i wasn't good enough for you? you? you're just... nothing.

sometimes people can pull the poetry out of your life. i watched my words become clothesline, and then thin out into kite twine. i watched you chew through every good syllable of me. so many good songs and places and moments were ruined. i am glad you didn't like most of my music - less to tie back to you.

but still mahler's fifth. the music swells, and i am 21 and throwing up in a bathroom on my birthday. a woman i will later refer to as lesbian jesus runs a cool hand down my back, her perfect pantsuit starch-pressed. she told me to leave you. she said - and this is true, and not an invention of rhyme or fantasy - i'm you from the future.

i am 22, and i got home from an award ceremony, and i remember you telling me - you act so proud of yourself when you're actually so fucking embarrassing. i took you to disney world. you took my virginity. i gave up visiting spain for a week with my family - i instead choose you, to spend the time just-cuddling. you called it "our fuck week." the music swells. it probably should have been a red flag that for about 3 years - i just gave up on crying. my grandfather died and you said nothing. my uncle died and you ghosted me for 3 weeks. you said i need to protect myself from your ongoing tragedy.

every so often i come back to the memory of one of our last afternoons in person. i had just told you that i wasn't going to law school, despite the free ride - i was going to join a creative writing program. master's in fine arts. i was going to finally do it - i was going to follow my dreams. this blog was already internet-famous. however reluctantly, i would occasionally refer to myself as a poet. i got into umass amherst's writing program for fiction authors. it is one of the the top 5 programs in the country.

wait are you seriously considering actually attending that? dumbfounded, you turned completely towards me in your seat. for the 3rd time in our relationship, you almost crashed the car. you actually want to be a writer?

the first time i went viral, it was for a poem i wrote about you:

he wants to say i love you but keeps it to goodnight because love will take some falling and she's afraid of heights.

every time i see that, i want to throw up. you weren't in love with me, you were in love with the control you had over me. a little truth though: i am afraid of heights. you caught a rabbitgirl and skinned her alive.

mahler's fifth still makes me sick.

give me that back. give me back music. give me back everything i had before you. give me back fearlessness. give me back bravery. give me back a scarless body.

give me back what you took from me.

#nosebleed club #sorry stephen not ur fault #just like. thinking #writeblr #spilled ink #warm up #every time nat is like - oh let me get that for u #im like .... this is a trick right like ur gonna be mean now bc u did something nice rn #so obviously if ur being nice now either u did something mean and im about to learn about it #or you're going to BE mean #or ur gonna hold this over my head forever and i'll never get a nice thing ever again? #and every time nat is like .... babe i just actually like u #lesbian jesus story is 100% real btw. she also told me not to be an event planner #literally changed the shape of my life

[sunclown]

Quiet

#op #one piece #zoro #sanji #zosan #forever thinking sbout thriller bark #never getting over thriller bark #zoro sleeps more soundly hugging sanji because he doesnt get nightmares about not being able to stop him #and sanji sleeps (slightly) better hugging zoro cuz he can feel his heart and presence and know hes still alive #i think that was the point where they got their heads out of their asses #specially sanji #AS IN oh we def like eachother in a more profound way than just this guy is hot and annoying #but didnt quite get to do much or rlly talk about it till after timeskip #but dw theyll pick up right where they left it at which is the reassuring hugs and naps #my art

[derpycatsu]

HELLOOOOOOO i got super into vocaloid (GIANT EXPLOSION)

#sorry for disappearing!!!!! i had some personal stuff going on #and wasnt feeling good at all :( but i am back now B) hello #the last one is a redraw of a symphony keychain i want it soooo bad #IVE ALWAYS BEEN INTO VOCALOID BUT NOT LIKE. TO AN INSANE DEGREE LIKE I AM RN #AUUUUAAAUUUHGHGHG #i love gumi btw ive been listening to a lot of gumi and luka songs THEYRE AWESOME #hoping that my brainrot lasts a long time LOL #i want to be sick in the head over an interest again + theres so much to vocaloid #liek ill be here for forever #EVERYONE SHOULD LISTEN TO LOVE ANATOMIA BTW #BUT ANYWAY YEA THATS ABOUT IT OK BYEREEEEE #vocaloid #kasane teto #megurine luka #gumi megpoid #kaito #kagamine len #hatsune miku #初音ミク #巡音ルカ #鏡音レン #カイト #重音テト #felix art

[yj-98]

⸺ would you consider a city to be a living thing?

#tim drake #red robin #robin #gotham #dc comics #dcblog #dcmultiverse #dcart #kyebat #tusergaya #megtag #rook.png #christ alive its done. im calling it done. this took FOREVER #over the course of 5 days or something. also i didnt draw for like a day or so. SO. maybe more like. 3 or smn idk. #anyways. TIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i care him. in case you couldnt tell #gotham was fun to do also <3 i love skylines #idk what the caption is i just cant get the idea of gotham as a creature . a living thing . out of my head

[madamemiz]

y'know what i find interesting about sun now that hw2 is out?

i've seen various interpretations of him since the game's release with all the new dialogue and scenes we got ranging from "stressed and in bad need of a cigarette and a three year vacation" to "petty bitch" to "caring but pushed to his limit" and like

the thing is, they're all right

he probably played favorites with some of the kids--cassie's testament combined with his general mannerisms certainly make me think so. sun is a little mean to the player character. he insults you, he talks down to you, he treats you like you don't have two brain cells to rub together when you screw up. in the carousel level, he's clearly begrudging that he can't simply do the job himself. he is petty and he is stressed and he is frustrated

you'd think, then, that sun would happily let moon do what he will with the human employees he clearly detests, with the kids that obviously frustrate him. you'd think he'd make good on his threats to turn off the lights himself, to let these people get what they deserve. how many times have we dreamed of petty revenge on the shitty customers and coworkers we've had to deal with in our jobs?

he doesn't. instead, he resigns himself to a life of isolation to keep moon in check, doing whatever he can to keep anyone else from getting hurt or dying. despite all his hot air, sun cares. deeply, selflessly. when we see him during the ruin segments of hw2, he's shaking in fear, hiding in scant light he has access to in his and moon's horrible room, out of easy reach from most, trying in the only way he can to keep more tragedy from occurring. he knows how bad his situation is; he's acutely aware of it in a way most of the other animatronics don't seem to be. his actions speak far louder than his words, and god knows he has plenty to say

sun is a deeply flawed person who tries to do good in spite of it all, and to me, that's fascinating

#fnaf sb #fnaf ruin #fnaf hw2 #fnaf sun #idk i've just been mulling this over since hw2 came out #ik some people were disappointed with his mannerisms #none of this to say sun is perfect. he obviously isn't #it's just far more interesting to see his good intentions contrasted with his harsh personality #idk. he's just so big and loud and grand that it's just kind of tragic to me that he makes himself so small and hidden #for the sake of people he doesn't even like most of the time #anyway he lives rent free in my head forever thanks

[echosong971]

The Petrification Disease is a nasty thing...

#they live in my brain rent free i fear #i have so many thoughts about these two #aHHH #Cat's PD getting worse #as they struggle to get enough gold coin fruits... #and fox worrying over him in her own way... #even as cat struggles with not wanting to feel like a burden to his sister... #also tryin' out a fun lil design idea where Cat's face is just forever covered from the audience's pov though shadows and clever positioning #(at least until he actually reveals his face to an oc of mine in this...timeline of events i have in my head LOL) #reveal soon... #lies of p #neowiz #round 8 #black cat #lucio volfe #lop black cat #lies of p black cat #red fox #claudia volfe #lop red fox #lies of p red fox #echosong971 #art #digital art #fanart #lies of p art #lies of p fanart

[jiiyawns]

we can go much higher now

gravity can't hold us down

#sonic frontiers #sonic the hedgehog #knuckles the echidna #miles tails prower #amy rose #sth #sonic #sonic frontiers spoilers #one way dream lives in my head rentfree forever and i will never be the same person ever again #emo over sonic the hedgehog again what else is new etc etc continue im not normal we know #fanart #draw

[xuxudio]

successfully choosing the most doomed ship in any media since 1999

#qsmp #q!bbh #q!forever #bbh #forever #4halo #badboyhalo #qbbh #qforever #what a mess of tags mb #drawing #paper #sketch #wip #man IVE BEEN IN THE TRENCHES #IVE SHIPPED THESE 2 SINCE LIKE THE 4TH DAY FOREVER JOINED AND IT WAS PURELY CRACK BACK THEN. THERE WERE 5 FICS ON AO3 THE 1ST TIME I CHECKE #AND NOW. NOW I'M SO WELL FED. THEYRE BASICALLY CANON. THEY ARE SO SLOW BURN AND SO ANGST AND ITS SO GOOD. #AND NOW ITS GODDAMN OVER #well i'll still be going insane inside my silly little head #but yeah i am feeling many fucking emotions bros

[lovethatmakingcoffee]

This scene, how could I not?

#qsmp #philever #sugarduo #philza #forever #I was initially charmed by sugarduo #now I'm head over heels #whatever they label their relationship I am here for it #just Forever being a constant light #and Phil being vulnerable #uuuggghhhhhhhh #Im in love~! #my art #art

[babacontainsmultitudes]

The Oak-Garcia-Swallows household

#this is the family crest #has this been done yet? If it has sorry LOL I'm not over this joke #dndads #dungeons and daddies #rebecca swallows #normal oak #normal oak swallows garcia #also Anthony calling Rebecca “momma” throughout the episode is gonna live in my head forever #dndads s2 ep 31

[wackydoggs]

season 2 of clone high might have killed joanfk and spat on its corpse but i still love this ship with all of my heart, even if the show does not LOL

#clone high #clone high art #clone high fanart #jfk clone high #clone high jfk #joan clone high #joan of arc clone high #clone high joan #clone high joan of arc #my art #i have missed them so so so much #i even started working on one of my old clone high fanfics from 2020 that i lowkey abandoned LOL #honestly might post abt that fanfic once the new chapters done #but anyway #i adore them so much and i will never get over how poorly the show did them #i hate getting depressed over a ship of clones of historical figures bc its weird BUT I CANT HELP IT I MISS SEASON ONES POTENTIAL FOR THEM #i liked season 2 but im also lying if i said i do not slightly resent it LOL #in my head there are like two versions of the clone high canon #one where season two never happened and joanfks potential as a good ship stays cemented forever #and one where season two does happen (in which case i ship the hell out of some jfk/abe and jfk/confucious LOL) #but yeah basically joanfk is my roman empire and shipping them is my canon event

[deadmothsketches]

Don't feed the plants.

#the things i would do to this man it is insane he has a damn chokehold on me i never want him to let go #im sorry i am going nuts over him but he is my problematic babygirl #he is such a bitch in my head but i love brats #lmfao jfc sorry sorry ya'll i just needed to vent #anyways #osomatsu san #osomatsu-san #mr. osomatsu #Karamatsu #Karamatsu Matsuno #Akuma Karamatsu #Beelzebub Karamatsu #fan art #my art #little shop of horrors ref #anyone is free to go wild in the tags i love reading that shit lol #btw i am probably never gonna draw something this nuts ever again holy shit that took forever #worth it but daaamnn dude never again unless you pay me

[t-rina]

We have received word that the DMA has moved. It is now days away from Ni'Var, Titan and Earth.

#saru x t'rina #saru/t'rina #saru #t'rina #star trek discovery #asile gifs #plant couple #a scene that lives rent free in my head #forever not crying over T'Rina here. she feels so helpless and lost and scared and what does she do? #she actually opens up to Saru. she asks for help in a way. for support. #she is so so so so so so so so vulnerable here #i just can't #and for saru it's... ti's so easy to be there. to spend time with her. #gh #they

[elliejoys]

I am free. Whatever I do. Whatever I choose. I do it out of m̘͓̪̋ͥͥ͐̍ͥy͕̠̳ͥͤ̎̀́ ̖̭͔̞͕̱͒ͬͬ̚ͅo͇̖̮̫̠̱͓ͫ̉ͨw̤͖̝̗̠͙̲̝͑͒̏ͯ̍ͅn͙̖͐̅ͫ̏̃̅̏̈́ ̟͚̘͑̈f̜̝͈͈̲̩͔̳̬ͪͯ͆ͯr̼̝̗͙̊e̗̝͂̈́ͮͨͣͫ̿e̖̲̼͎͍͕̎ͥͩͨ͊̀ͮͩ ͔̰̘̲̙̰̳̭̐͋̓ͣ̽̏ͣ̚w̻̻͖̠̒̌̾̽̾̑̐̂̾i̻̬ͥ̐l̼͙̫̗͎ͤͭͨͩ̒̍͐̑ͧl̠̩̊ͨ

#snkedit #snkgraphic #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #eren jaeger #eren yaeger #myedit #mygifs #anyway this quote has been in my head since the manga ended #and i was gonna make this gifset when the anime finished but its taking forever and i need to cope somehow so #cant believe im still emotional over snk in 2023 #i have such a love/hate relationship with eren #seeing him slowly lose his smile #and push his friends away to protect them #i just asdffdgrsefgrhtytgfrd #you dumb boy #eren did some things wrong #but at least give him one happy timeline :'(

[canisalbus]

The way you draw hands, they are so expressive. So tender looking in their intent. I'm just in awe. I'm not a religious person at all but the first word to comes to mind when seeing the hands you draw is that they are somehow holy.

Aw geez anon, you're saying the sweetest things. Thank you!

#I know I keep repeating the same thing but I just really admire hands a lot and try to do them justice #they're so structurally complex #and have such great emotive potential #they're still challenging to get right but it's mostly the nice kind of challenging and not I-want-to-quit-drawing-forever challenging #in Machete's and Vasco's case I do my best to underline the differences in their personalities through hand gestures #I don't know how well that carries over but I think it's fun #in my head they have clearly contrasting body languages #answered #anonymous