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#please let carlos have a seat for '25
norrisleclercf1 · 2 months
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😭🥹
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dreamauri · 10 months
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┇𝗗𝗘𝗗𝗜𝗖𝗔𝗧𝗘𝗗 𝗧𝗢 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗢𝗡𝗘 𝗜 𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘 - P1 ┇ ─ ୨୧ ─ ─ ─ ─ ─ ─ :🪴: ─ ─ ─ ─ ─ ─ ୨୧ ─ ┇it's time you got back in the battle ┇︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦˚₊   ┇ . 🌿 :: pairing — ( max verstappen x fem! driver! reader ) ┇ . 🫧 :: ⁠genre — ( angst/fluff )  ┇ . 🌿 :: ⁠word count — ( 2, 445 ) ╰ 🫧  :: ⁠ content warning — ( X )
☆★ changed up things a little bit cause i found my muse, took me a while to write this chapter as well. I hope it was worth the wait. I don't plan on rushing this series, but it will be a long one, no more than 15/20 (??) chapters? ps. the translation is not literal, it's context. ty ━━━━
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RACE DAY Sunday April 30 2023 — Baku City Circuit, Azerbaijan
Needles to say, you felt like shit. It wasn't even the fourth race into the season and you had taken a seat that didn't belong to you. And there was nothing you hated more than that.
You watched as people rushed around the garage finalising their tasks. "You okay, kid?" Looking up, you met gazes with your new engineer. "Never been better." You lied, giving him a small smile. "Good to hear." He patted the top of your helmet gently. "I'll be in your ear the whole time, champ." "Thank you, Arcadio." "Call me JJ, kid." You chuckled, nodding. "Thank you, JJ."
"And here we are at the Azerbaijan Grand Prix, ladies and gentlemen! A race filled with anticipation, surprises, and the return of an incredible talent. Keep your eyes on car number 17, the Red Bull driven by the remarkable Seventeen. Her first race since 2016 was it? She is finally on the grid, with a full seat as well."
"That's right, Martin. After a long hiatus, Seventeen is back on the grid, and the excitement is electric. You can hear the fans roaring! You can tell that the people are exited for her to get back on the track, and I can't deny it, I am as well." "Disappointingly enough, she will be starting at the back of the grid for missing qualifying on Friday."
"Charles Leclerc is in pole position, with Max Verstappen alongside him in P2. But don't count out Seventeen just yet. She's eager to prove herself once again today."
Lap 1 :: "The lights are about to go out, and the race is underway! Leclerc gets a clean start, holding onto the lead, while Verstappen is hot on his heels. But Seventeen is on the move, slicing through the pack with remarkable determination."
"Seventeen is showing no signs of rustiness, Martin. Lap after lap, she's gaining positions, overtaking rivals left and right. It's a mesmerising display of skill and determination."
Lap 10 :: "Seventeen pulls off a breath-taking move on Turn 8, overtaking Lando Norris' McLaren with sheer precision. She's making her presence known, and the crowd is thrilled to witness her comeback."
"That is P9, Seventeen. P9." "God blessed me with a functioning radio." You joked, chuckling, pulling a laugh from the Filipino on the pit wall. "Thanks' Jj." You sighed happily catching up to the Mercedes ahead.
Lap 25 :: "Seventeen's drive is filled with passion and resilience, Martin. The years away from the car seem to have only fuelled her determination. And she executes a daring overtake on the outside of Turn 3! leaving Carlos Sainz behind!"
Lap 47 :: "Max, we need you to let Seventeen through, please. She's on pace. Let seventeen through." "An incredible act of teamwork from Red Bull! Verstappen gracefully yields, allowing Seventeen to continue her charge towards the front."
"And now, Seventeen is on a mission. Lap after lap, she closes the gap to the leaders, never faltering in her pursuit of glory."
Final Lap :: "The tension is mounting, Martin. Seventeen is determined to make her mark. She's chasing down Charles Leclerc, putting immense pressure on the leader.
"And there it is! In a sensational move, Seventeen overtook Leclerc on the final corner of the final lap! The crowd erupts in applause as Seventeen crosses the finish line, taking an unbelievable victory in her first race back!"
"What a comeback story!" "Seventeen has made a resounding statement with this incredible victory. A truly unforgettable moment in Formula 1 history."
"Heh." You chuckle to yourself as you park in front of the P1 board. Once you lifted yourself out of the car, standing on the nose, you bent backwards holding onto the halo as you did a handstand. "Eat shit." You whispered, bending both knees and arching your back, posing for the camera.
Once you put your feet back on the asphalt you walked to your team who was quick to pull you in the sea of hugs and praise. "Thank you, guys. I would've never been able to do this without you today." You told them, hugging your new and favourite engineer.
"It's good to have you back." You heard Hamilton greet you, dabbing you up. "Thanks, Lewis." You nodded, flicking up your visor so he could at least see the smile that reached your eyes. "Ya saba3tashar!" [hey seventeen] snapping your head to the source of voice, you're met with the smug smile of a certain eight year old.
"Ya benti howa enti ay 7ega tesarakhiha we khalas?" [My God, are you just going to scream at any chance you get?] Her father who was carrying her on his hip scolded, covering his pulsing ear. "3erefto tigo 3ayni." [So you could make it after all] You moved over to them, sharing a tight hug.
"Tab3an. Mesh hafawet awel seba2 lebatalet El 3alem." [of course, we wouldn't miss the world champions first race] Marawan kissed your cheek patting the side of your helmet. "Mestaniyeenek." [Theyre waiting for you] He gestured to the waiting interviewer. "Mashi mashi." [ok ok]
"Salam!" [take care] The girl waved, making you turn back and blow her a kiss.
★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Plopping on the P1 chair, you slumped tiredly leaning your head back. The room felt tense. With Max Verstappen in P2 and Killian Kraus in P3 ( two drivers who managed to overtake Leclerc in the last second right after you did ).
"That was a good overtake on lap 5." Kraus pointed out, looking at the screen that showed the highlights. He was trying to break the ice, especially with your teammate looking at you with such a negative expression that could be described as hate or despise, regret, anger. "Which one?" You asked yawning, waving slightly to the camera who was filming the three of yoy.
"Turn seven." "On Gasly?" "Yeah." "Eh, I could've done better." You shrugged, standing up once Jj stopped by in the room. "There's always room to improve." You sighed as he handed you the face mask and your sunglasses. You stood in a corner facing the wall to hide your face as you took off your helmet and balaclava, replacing them with a black mask, the 1st place cap and the sunglasses.
"It's time for the podium guys." "Here we go." You muttered tiredly pulling the second half of your race suit up, putting your hands through the sleeves. "And in first place, racing for the first time in seven years and adding another win to her unending winning streak. Give it up for Seventeen!" You could hear the crowd screaming as you walked out on the stage waving to the masses as you stepped up on your highest pedestal, raising your hands up bowing down.
You took your cap off once the Austrian Anthem started playing, skipping the one which would've been yours. You could hear and see the red bull team below you singing and smiling, which only made you crack a smile. Putting the cap back on your head as you received your trophy, quickly raising it up for your little family to see.
Max received his next with a forced smile and Killian after with pursed lips. Cracking the bottle open, you ran forward to the edge, spraying Your team principal and engineer.
★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
"You are on a winning streak are you not?" "I am." You nodded, leaning back in the chair. Press conferences were always so boring. "How long has it been going?" "Oh wow . . . like forever? I don't think I've lost that many karting races. And I've never lost races in F3 and F2—" "You were lapping everyone." "Yes, I was." You nodded chuckling.
"Hopefully, the streak continues throughout the rest of the season. and maybe I can win all the races next year and set another record." You wiggled your eyebrows excitedly. "You guys did go back to school, I like these questions." You giggled making the whole room erupt in laughter minus the Dutch boy sitting by your side.
Once you walked out of the room you were dragged by your performance coach to the Redbull motorhome for an ice bath. "Can I go into the out now." You whined shivering in the inflatable tub, one had out giving pats and belly rubs to the clearly delighted Australian Shepard.
"You're so lucky, protected by that cute fur of yours." You cooed at him scratching under his ear. "Oh, I was starting to think you'd skip." You joked looking at the Dutch driver in swim trunks. Max only pursed his lips shrugging as he slipped in gently beside you.
"Fuck dit is koud." [fuck this is cold] He cursed under his breath, sinking into the water, watching you with the dog. "What's his name?" He asked breaking the silence after a few moments. "Aussie." You replied ruffling the doggo's head. "What? Who names their dog Aussie?" He looked at you confused and you could only blink. "I did." You furrowed your eyebrows. "Oh . . ." He replied quietly, sinking deeper into the tub till the cold water covered his nose.
First time having a conversation with his teammate, his biggest rival, his biggest ally ( and childhood crush ) and he killed it, literally. Stabbed it right in the face.
★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
"She's scary." Lando shivered at the thought of your black helmet overtaking him. A certain group of drivers were clubbing, celebrating the race even though none of them won. And the said winner wasn't attending.
"I understand why some people call her a demon now. All she's missing is a tail and horns. I bet her eyes are red." Pierre grumbled sipping from his glass. "You're all sulking way too much." The unaffected Alex Albon commented. "Us? We're not even her teammates. Look at Max, he's dead." Charles pointed out at the Redbull driver that was practically unconscious from how much he was drinking. "If she really never loses, we're done, mate. Our only option is to wait till she retires."
Although Max was almost black out drunk, he still heard faint chatter from time to time. "only option is to wait till she retires." Max liked you as a driver, not a driver that was taking his wins away from him. 'Maybe we don't have to wait. We can force her to retire.' was the drunk though that passed through his brain. A thought that he should've left behind when he walked out of the club that night.
★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
MEDIA DAY Thursday May 4 2023 — Hungaroring, Hungary
"Hello, my name is Max Verstappen." "And my name is Seventeen and we are . . . I forgot sorry. Some one was walking by with cotton candy." You chuckled nervously looking back at the camera.
"We're playing 20 questions, with the goal of getting to know each other more. And by the end, the team are going to ask us 5 questions each and we have to know the answers to that." Max explained as you rocked your chair slowly to face him. "Alright. Who goes first?"
You ended up doing rock paper scissors, with Max winning. "Who is your favourite f1 driver?" You grimace thinking. "Umm, uhh. I say this and I don't have to hide my face anymore." You laughed. "I'm going to go with Seb." You nodded.
"Your favourite race circuit?" "I'll have to go with spa. Yours?" "Um, does it have to be a current track? Mine doesn't exist yet." You chuckled laughing. Through the game you found yourself loosening up, fining yourself more comfortable with your teammate. Max wasn't though, putting on a smile and forcing a laugh every once in a while.
★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
RACE DAY Sunday May 7 2023 — Hungaroring, Hungary
Lap 48 :: "Now on the soft rubber, we are watching Seventeen gaining with every metre onto her teammate ahead, Max Verstappen, her rival for the championship. She will pull out of the slipstream. Seventeen is on the attack, defence is on for Verstappen. The bulls going wheel to wheel." "Verstappen goes on the outside line but there will be better traction for Seventeen who stands on the throttle. She'll get DRS again and will fight into turn one. Can Verstappen offer a defensive line on the inside?"
"He's got no other choice! The bulls are wheel to wheel! Around the outside, will it be the lead? Its close between the two! The crowds are roaring and Seventeen takes the lead of the Miami grand prix having started fifth on the grid and losing positions down to tenth after the spin out on lap 22. She's passed all of them."
"Thanks, Max." You said through the radio as you felt yourself heave.
Lap 52 :: "Do you think . . . We can put on some music?" You said once you turned on the radio. "Because my ears feel empty and I have a horrible singing voice. I mean, There's no one else for us to overtake, no?" You could hear Jj's laugh over the radio, hearing his smile. "We are 14 seconds ahead of Max. So I guess maybe? Let me look into it."
it only took a few minutes before you were listening to Michael Jackson, singing along. "Cause this is thrillerrr!" You hummed along, your radio popping up on the stadium's speakers. "And that is, Seventeen listening to music, comfortable in P1."
Final Lap :: "Outstanding performance for Seventeen. She comes out of the final corners— And for the first time ever! Seventeen wins the Miami grand prix with a masterclass of performance! From tenth of the grid, to first." "Another one-two for red bull! Fantastic performance!"
"Wahoo!" You cheered pulling the steering wheel out once the car was turned off in front of the P1 board. Getting up on the halo, you celebrate by doing one more handstand, doing a leaning forward front-split this time. Once you got down, you fell into the hugs from your team, happiness clearly written in your eyes. "Thank you guys for all your hard work. Thank you so much!" You hugged and shook hands, sadly being ignored by Jos Verstappen but you didn't care.
Being up on the top of the grid again felt exhilarating and adrenaline fuelling. "I love you all so much." You blew kisses as you retreated to the cool down room. Getting up on the podium again felt euphoric. Raising your trophy for your team to see, you got down on your knees pressing the trophy to your forehead before hugging it tightly.
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morganaspendragonss · 3 years
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Hello, fic request coming through if you are still doing them! Okay, Carlos has not been feeling well so he stays in and doesn't go to his shift. TK still has his shift, so he wants to stay with Carlos to keep an eye on him but Carlos says he is fine. TK is uneasy at work just wants to go back home, he calls Carlos but he is not answering. Tommy says TK can go check up on Carlos, while he is at home, he finds Carlos in bed and when he goes closer, Carlos is not breathing. Paramedic!TK coming through. Super angst ensues but Carlos makes it in the end after some time in a coma.
holly's august extravaganza day 25: heaving through corrupted lungs
thank you for the prompt!
thanks also to @noxsoulmate for the beta! 💚
ao3 | 2.9k | major character illness, angst with a happy ending, hurt/comfort, brief references to past, canonical character death
“Strand, I know we’re not on a call right now, but you could at least pretend to be focused.”
TK flushes as Tommy’s somewhat less-than amused voice reaches him from the back of the ambulance. He hurriedly locks his phone and shoves it in the glove compartment, though not before checking every messaging app he has for word from Carlos.
There’s none, of course, just like it’s been all day. Logically, he knows Carlos is probably sleeping—god knows he needs it—but that isn’t going to stop him from worrying, or from sending check-up texts every ten minutes. It does, however, stop Carlos from answering, which isn’t very conducive to TK’s ability to concentrate on work today.
“Sorry, Cap,” he says. “It’s just—”
“Carlos is sick and you’re being paranoid, as usual,” Nancy chimes in, audibly rolling her eyes from the driver’s seat. “Look, dude, if he said he’s fine, then he’s probably fine.”
“Well, I’m the paramedic in the relationship, and I say he’s not fine.” TK sighs and forces himself to resist the urge to pull out his phone again. “Carlos likes to lecture me about hiding injuries, but he’s exactly the same when he’s ill; he could be on death’s door and still saying he’s okay. But he hasn’t said anything today, so I’m worried.”
“You’re always worried about him.”
“Welcome to relationships,” Tommy comments. “Seriously though, TK, are you going to be okay to finish this shift? There’s still ten hours to go and we cannot afford for you to be distracted out there.”
TK doesn’t answer right away; on one hand, he’s itching to go home and check on Carlos, to make sure he’s still breathing and actually resting like he’s supposed to be. On the other hand, Carlos would probably kill him if he left work, illness be damned. It’s just… Carlos had looked so ill that morning, skin ashen and voice all but gone, and it had taken a lot of convincing for TK to still go to his own shift. He’d insisted on making sure Carlos had all the blankets and water and snacks and anything else he could possibly want, but even so, he’s still uneasy.
His gut is telling him that something’s wrong, and TK doesn’t think he can ignore it for much longer.
He’s staring out the window, considering his options, when he realises that he knows these streets. Like, actually knows them. They’re right around the corner from his and Carlos’s home, and an idea strikes TK like a lightning bolt.
“Hey, Cap?” he asks, twisting around in his seat to look at her. “How about we take a lunch break now instead of driving all the way back to the station? There’s a great place nearby, and it’s less likely that we’ll be interrupted by a call before we get food.”
Tommy eyes him suspiciously, clearly not buying his innocent act. “What are you talking about, TK?”
“Mine and Carlos’s place is literally two streets away; we could drop by and I could check in on him and make sure he’s okay. Plus,” he continues, already spotting the argument on Tommy’s face, “I’m not lying about the food. Carlos cooks in bulk, so we’ve got loads of leftover casserole in the freezer.”
Tommy pauses, indecision clear in her expression. She narrows her eyes at TK, scrutinising him. “Will this mean you’ll stop being so distracted?”
“Absolutely.”
“Alright.” She sighs and nods, and Nancy switches directions to head towards their home. “I’m holding you to that, Strand.”
TK spends the entire drive, short as it is, drumming his fingers on his knees and trying to keep the ever-growing panic at bay. Carlos is going to be fine.
He has to be.
He jumps out the ambulance before Nancy’s even fully stopped it, cursing himself as he fumbles with his keys. Tommy pats his shoulder soothingly; it doesn’t really calm him down, but TK appreciates the effort and her unconditional support. When he gets inside, he simply waves a hand in the general direction of the freezer, hoping Tommy and Nancy get the message, and barrels upstairs, Carlos’s name bursting from his lips.
“Carlos, babe, you here?” It’s a stupid question; TK had seen the Camaro in the driveway and Carlos is far too ill to want to walk anywhere—or so TK hopes—so he has to be home. But the silence draws out, and TK’s heart is pounding a mile a minute by the time he reaches the door to their bedroom.
“Carlos?” He pushes open the door, sighing in relief when he sees his fiancé sprawled across the bed, dead to the world. It’s a little weird that he hasn’t woken up yet given how loud TK was shouting, but it’s probably just because his body needs the rest. TK would bet that the apocalypse could happen outside the window and Carlos wouldn’t so much as stir.
He tip-toes towards the bed, a soft smile spreading across his lips as anxiety gives way to fondness and love. It’s not until he’s within touching distance of Carlos that he registers just how still he is; just how silent the room is.
This morning, Carlos’s breathing was loud and harsh, punctuated with periodic sniffs and coughs.
Now, he’s not making a sound.
And, as TK drops to his knees and bends over his fiancé’s body, he realises that his chest isn’t moving.
Carlos isn’t breathing.
The panic is back in full force as TK frantically presses his fingers to Carlos’s pulse point, praying for something—a flutter, anything—to indicate that Carlos isn’t… That he’s not…
There’s nothing.
Instinct takes over, TK linking his hands on Carlos’s chest and starting compressions even as his vision blurs with tears and he chokes on the sobs building in his throat.
“Cap!” he yells, not taking his eyes off Carlos. “Cap, up here!”
A minute later, Tommy and Nancy burst into the room, both halting in shock for a moment before jumping into action. Nancy moves to the other side of the bed, already pulling out the ambu bag, while Tommy comes to stand by TK.
“What do we have?” she asks, professional as ever, though there’s a clear worried undertone to her voice.
“No pulse, no respiration,” he manages, voice thick. “Skin is warm to the touch. No clear cause, but patient was congested and moderately feverish during the past few days.”
Tommy nods and gently pushes at TK’s shoulder. “Alright, you did good, TK, but you should let us take over now,” she says gently. “Come on, Nancy and I can handle this.”
TK ignores her, continuing compressions with renewed force. “I have to help him, Cap. I have to.”
“And you have, but now—”
“No!” Later, TK will be ashamed of the way he lost control like that, and he’ll have to apologise to Tommy, but the only thing he can really, truly focus on now is Carlos. He keeps pushing, feeling Carlos’s ribs give under his hands, and forces himself to keep going even though his stomach turns at the idea of causing him any pain. “Come on, baby,” he mutters. “Come on, Carlos, please.”
Time is running out; TK can tell by the way the silence is starting to feel heavier and heavier, by the looks he knows Tommy and Nancy must be exchanging over his head. Carlos’s time is running out, and TK is staring down a future he doesn’t know he can survive, and—
“I have a pulse!” Nancy shouts, and the words don’t register in TK’s head until Tommy’s hands are forcibly pulling him back and Carlos’s chest is moving and his eyelids start to flutter.
Tommy slides into the space left by TK, practiced hands checking Carlos’s vitals. “Carlos, can you hear me?”
She gets no response save for a weak groan, then Carlos’s body goes slack again and his head lolls limply on the pillow. TK takes a panicked step forward, but he’s just as quickly pushed back as Tommy secures an oxygen mask over Carlos’s face.
“Nancy, get the backboard and the gurney ready. Heart rate is arrhythmic and respiration is laboured; radio Austin Memorial and get their cardiac unit on standby.”
Nancy dashes out of the bedroom, and Tommy grabs her own radio. “Dispatch, this is RA 126 responding to a cardiac event at 2204 Allred Drive. Patient is unconscious and breathing, however at the time of arrival, he was in cardiac arrest. Duration unknown.”
“Copy that, RA 126.”
Nancy arrives with the backboard, and TK feels like an invisible observer as he watches his two teammates work. He’s stuck, barely breathing, as he watches Carlos struggle and fight for his life; he doesn’t know what he’s going to do if he dies, here and now.
TK moves as if in a nightmare as they get Carlos down the stairs and into the ambulance, eyes constantly locked on his fiancé. He thinks Tommy might say something to him, but he doesn’t hear it and he doesn’t bother to ask—terrible as it is to admit, he doesn’t care right now. He can’t care; there’s no more room inside him for anything else but Carlos.
He wraps a hand around Carlos’s wrist, two fingers resting on his pulse point, and prays that he’ll never have to feel that absence again.
*
Tommy sits beside him in the waiting room, a silent show of support while they wait for news on Carlos. Or until they catch another call; whichever comes first. Nancy is…somewhere. TK thinks she might have gone to grab some coffee or a snack, but he honestly has no idea. He’s kind of lost track of things, the hospital’s plain white walls turning time into water as they wait, and wait, and wait.
“I know how you feel, you know,” Tommy says, unprompted. “The night that Charles died, I… I spent so long blaming myself. I wasn’t there, you know? And I just kept thinking that if I had been there, if I hadn’t stayed out at Grace and Judd’s, then I might have been able to do something to save him.” She levels him with a firm, yet motherly look, and TK drops his gaze to the floor. “I know now that there was nothing. It kills me to admit it, but what happened would have happened either way, and it’s the same here. Carlos is young, healthy—there was no reason to suspect anything might happen. Certainly nothing like this. You did everything that you could, TK, and you have to hold onto that, no matter what the outcome.”
TK squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head, giving up on keeping the tears at bay. Tommy reaches out to wrap one arm around him, but he jerks away, curling in on himself. “It’s not the same,” he whispers, voice thick. “It’s not— I knew, Cap. I knew he was ill and I still left him.”
“You said you guys thought it was just a bad cold.”
“No, I knew. I’m a paramedic, how could I have missed this?”
“These things happen, TK,” she says softly. “It’s cruel, and it’s senseless, and, more than anything, it’s unavoidable. We can go in circles blaming ourselves for it—and I know it’s worse for us; we think we should be able to see everything because it’s our job, right?
“The thing is, we’re the most blind when it comes to the people we love. We think we see everything and we always worry over them, but ultimately we just want to believe that everything’s going to be okay. That they’re going to be okay. It’s hard to accept when they’re not.”
“I should have done more.”
“You did all you cou—”
“No, I didn’t.” He lets out a sob, twisting away from Tommy’s touch once more when she tries to comfort him. “I should have insisted on staying home; I should have thought about going to check on him earlier. We have no idea how long he was lying there, dead—he was dead, Tommy—before we arrived, but if I had been there then I could have gotten him help.”
TK takes a shuddering breath and looks up at his captain, meeting her eyes for the first time since they were in the ambulance. “Tommy, if he dies, then I swear I’ll never forgive myself. Never.”
Tommy looks like she wants to say more, but just as she opens her mouth, her radio crackles to life. She sighs regretfully but stands, clasping TK’s shoulder gently.
“He’ll be okay, TK. Believe in that.”
*
Looking at Carlos, TK has never believed in anything less. He’s so still and pale on the bed and TK keeps having to check that his chest is still moving, despite the steady beep of the heart monitor and the constant thrum against his fingertips. He hasn’t let go of Carlos’s wrist since he was allowed into the room, and he doesn’t intend to let go until Carlos is back with him, awake and alive and okay.
He’s trying to believe in that outcome as a certainty, but he knows better than that. Carlos might be young and healthy, but the fact still remains that his heart stopped—coming back from that is far from guaranteed.
It’s been three days since the incident, and Carlos’s parents have been in and out, always bringing TK food and trying to engage him in conversation. He tries, for them, but it’s not easy and the attempts always fizzle out before long; TK just doesn’t have it in him anymore to talk and pretend to be positive. Any hope he ever had has abandoned him, the only thing keeping him afloat his grip around Carlos’s wrist.
A tupperware container drops into his lap, and TK looks up to see Andrea standing over him. She reaches across to caress Carlos’s cheek, then sinks into the chair beside TK, giving him a pointed look.
He sighs, attempting a weak smile for her. “I appreciate it, Andrea, but—”
“No,” she interrupts, shaking her head firmly. “No more buts; I won’t hear them. My son might not be able to make sure you take care of yourself, but I am more than capable of taking over for him. I am very strict about food, ask any of his sisters.” Her stern look softens and she pats his arm gently. “Venga, mijo. You’ll feel better for it.”
TK looks down at the dish in his lap, doing his best to keep a grimace off his face. It looks and smells delicious, like all of Andrea’s cooking, but the sight of it makes his stomach turn, his gag reflex activating at the very thought of putting any in his mouth.
“Andrea, I…” He shakes his head and picks the container up with his free hand, handing it back to her. “I can’t.”
And it’s not just that TK can’t handle any food at the moment, though that certainly plays into it.
But they’re tamales.
The Reyes family recipe tamales, passed down through generations, which Carlos has been slowly attempting to teach TK. Which Carlos always makes on special occasions, and sometimes just for the hell of it.
Which Carlos made the night he proposed.
Andrea looks set to argue, but TK forces an end to the conversation by making her take the container and turning back to Carlos.
“I’m sorry,” he says quietly, knowing he’s disappointed her. “It’s just hard.”
She sighs and rubs his back. “I know. Just don’t come to me when Carlos wakes up and realises you haven’t been taking care of yourself.”
That almost gets a laugh out of him, and TK looks over to smile at Andrea. It’s a brittle thing, but it’s a smile all the same, which is more than he’s managed in three days. She smiles back at him, and it helps him feel not so alone in all this.
A weak groan is all the warning he gets before, “Are you turning down my mother’s cooking?” reaches his ears, and TK gasps, whipping around to stare at the bed.
Right into Carlos’s eyes.
“Oh my god,” he gasps, tears springing to his eyes. “Oh my god.”
“Hey, baby.” Carlos’s voice is rough and rasping, his eyes fluttering closed again a second later, though TK can tell that he’s still awake. He reaches to the table and pours a cup of water, encouraging Carlos to lift his head and drink through the straw.
“Slow sips, that’s it,” he murmurs, rubbing his thumb gently along Carlos’s wrist, still holding on tightly.
Once Carlos has drunk his fill, he opens his eyes again and looks up at TK, gaze searching his face. “I love you,” he rasps, smiling gently, “but did you really just say no to my mom’s tamales?”
TK splutters, but he can’t keep the smile off his own face, shaking his head fondly at Carlos. “I love you too, idiot,” he says. “And tamales don’t taste the same without you there to eat them with me.”
“Good thing I’m here now, then.”
TK hums. “Guess it is.”
(Later, after the nurses and doctors have come and gone, TK will pick up the tub of tamales, left behind by Andrea when she went to tell everyone the good news.
He and Carlos will split one, pressed close together in the bed to avoid getting crumbs on the sheets. Carlos will be smiling at him the entire time, and TK will kiss him over and over, relishing the sensation of Carlos kissing him back.
And it’ll be the best damn tamale TK has ever eaten.)
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mouse-fantoms · 3 years
Text
Reach For My Hand, ‘Cause It’s Held Out For You
Read on Ao3!
Tagging (just who I thought would be interested from the post this spawned from): @tmp-jatp @lydias--stiles @1neverendingstories1
More Than A Band but Jatp edition
A top priority when having 90's boys come into your life is of course showing them what they missed out on. It started with Julie putting together a playlist for them.
Another order would be teaching them the terms nowadays. Someone hadto tell Alex that you don’t say ‘periodt’ at the end of every sentence. That though, was a priority for another day.
After showing them music they missed out on, movies were next. It made sense since some of the music she had put on the playlist were songs from movies. She obviously couldn’t show all the movies they missed in the past 25 years, but there were a few that they’d probably like.
Their weekends, so far, had involved Julie setting up the living room for the perfect movie watching experience. A few pillows here and there on the comfy couch, could never go wrong with blankets, a fresh buttery bowl of popcorn, just the essentials.
They were all on the couch, finishing up the rest of Camp Rock. (Luke was immediately hooked on the summer camp with music concept.)
Julie was curled up with a blanket at the end of the couch. Luke was next to her, then Alex followed by Reggie.
“You seriously don’t want a blanket?” Julie asked Luke. She had her knees pulled to her underneath the fabric of warmth.
“I’m telling you I’m not cold.” He repeated another time.
She would have thought it might have just been a ghost thing if it wasn’t for Reggie and Alex constantly tugging at the blanket they shared for blanket space.
“I need it more!” Alex pulled the blanket towards him.
“You have a hoodie on!” Reggie pointed out.
“...I still get cold.”
Julie and Luke rolled their eyes at the pair and were instead more interested at how Mitchie was going to do at the Final Jam.
“Wait, she's singing that song? Wait!” Luke scooted to the edge of the seat, being glued to the tv. “Please tell me he has to recognize it’s her who sang in the beginning. She’s the one!”
Alex put a hand on Luke’s shoulder and pulled him back to the couch.
“I’m sure he will buddy.”
It wasn’t until after the number that Luke noticed Julie dozing off next to him. She’d shake awake a few times when she’d hear the high notes in the music.
“You know we can call it a night if you’re getting tired.”
Her arms came out from under the blanket when she stretched her arms and yawned, “No, no, no, I’m not. I haven’t even shown you guys a favorite of mine yet and I said we’d get to it tonight.”
Once the movie finished she grabbed the remote and went to find one of her favorites.
“This one,” she was interrupted by her own yawn, “is about a band. They form when they’re all in detention together.” A look played on Luke’s face. She sighed, not wanting to be right with an assumption, “...Is that how you guys-”
“No but could you imagine how-” Luke turned to the unamused faces of Alex and Reggie.
“It was always us getting him out of detention.” Alex informed.
She opened her mouth looking to the one in question. “What would you do?”
“He could never put away his journal during class.” Reggie answered.
“It was better than writing on the corners of my papers.”
“How would you get him out of it?”
“Well if the book wasn’t at the teacher’s desk anymore than… no evidence for detention.” Luke summed up.
“Which meant a lot of talking to the teacher while they got it back. ‘Alex, we want you to talk to her.’ ‘Pretend you have a question.’”
“The other option was you guys joining me.”
“Yeah we tried that, they never could give it to Reggie.”
Julie looked curious at the black haired ghost. “Why?”
Alex answered, gesturing to him. “...It’s Reggie.”
“Yeah, can’t argue there.”
She turned her attention back to the tv and brought up the movie.
“Lemonade Mouth? What kind of name is that?” Judged Luke.
Julie laughed to make it even. “What kind of name is Sunset Curve?”
“The kind of one you don’t come up with.” Reggie informed.
“When we were starting out,” the guitarist took the lead in explaining, “we’d play at this street corner. I guess people started liking us and would say to check out the guys at the corner of Sunset Boulevard and Curve Street. Then it just kinda meshed into one with people calling us Sunset Curve.”
“We kind of just went with it.” Alex shrugged.
“Funny, well, you’ll see why they’re called Lemonade Mouth in this.”
She put the movie on and the boys seemed instantly intrigued. It wasn’t until fifteen minutes in that her eyes started to feel drowsy. Maybe Luke was a little bit right, but maybe if she just rested her eyes for a second she’d feel better. Maybe if she just made herself comfortable on the pillow to her right, she’d feel better.
“Luke, can you turn it up a-”
“Can’t.”
“What?” Alex looked at him.
“Can’t move.” He repeated, shifting his eyes to the left.
Alex looked behind Luke to try to see if he could see what he was talking about. He saw Julie’s head closer to Luke. Sure enough, when he looked past him he saw Julie with her head on his shoulder.
“Hgh,” the blonde huffed, “fine I’ll get it.” There was no point in arguing so he instead went out of his way to reach diagonal to grab the remote that was on the coffee table.
It wasn’t tell near the ending of the movie when they eventually dozed off too. However they did catch great songs before they did. Classics such as Turn Up the Music, Determinate, Somebody and a song called More Than a Band, She’s So Gone were a few they caught before they went off to dreams.
~~~
She tried her best to not worry her boys. When she tried though, all they did was.
They knew something was off when she didn’t stop by to tell them bye before she left for school. Also when Luke paid her a visit during school she just seemed detached. Reggie noted Ray seemed off and Carlos for that matter too.
The ghost was hanging around with Ray in the kitchen, preparing breakfast for Carlos before he left for the morning. Reggie leaned against the archway to the dining room, watching Ray as he cooked scrambled eggs on the stove. Carlos came down the stairs, his bag slung over his shoulder, and came around to the stool of the counter.
“Do you know what we’re having for dinner?”
Ray looked over his shoulder, as he dumped the pan of eggs on a plate, “You haven’t even had breakfast yet.” He chuckled, setting the plate in front of him and opening the drawer to give him a fork.
“I know but…” He trailed off, taking the fork that was put next to his plate, looking to his dad in hopes he got what he was meaning. From him touching the ring on his ring finger, he got the memo.
“...I can talk to your Tía about bringing something over for tonight.” There was a light nod of his head. Carlos shared the same nod as he dove into his eggs.
Meanwhile Reggie leaned at the archway, suddenly now understood.
~~~
She hadn’t talked to them much the whole day. The studio that turned into her home didn’t feel like much of one today. Just a reminder.
After dinner, she found herself going up to her room, changing into her pajamas and finding comfort on her bed. She sat crisscross, her hand drawn to the scripture necklace she wore. She didn’t appear to catch the familiar poof sound until she looked to the left from seeing something in the corner of her eye appear. She saw her boys, looking sympathetic.
It was like they were a reminder. The reminder that they were here but… she wasn’t.
Luke stepped cautious, taking a seat on the mattress at the foot of her bed. “...Guessing movie night is postponed tonight.” He tried to make conversation.
She answered by turning on her side away from him, her necklace still in her hand, not realizing her foot had accidently hit Luke in the thigh when she turned over. Usually it was a nice reminder when they touched, today though, was not one of those times.
Luke looked to his friends standing opposite of him. Their expressions looked the same as his, wanting a suggestion of what to do, he looked back to Julie.
She was rubbing her fingers across her necklace in the silence until there wasn’t any.
“I can’t pretend,” she was caught off guard by his singing and what it sounded like, “to know how you feel, but know that I’m here and know that I’m real.”
Real. That word got her to look through her curls at him. He looked at the other two to join in.
“Say what you want,” Alex sang, stepping towards her bed, “or don’t talk at all, I’m not gonna let you fall.” He knelt down to be eye level.
“Reach for my hand ‘cause it’s held out for you,” Reggie joined Alex in kneeling next to her bed, “my shoulders are small but you can cry on them too. Everything changes but one thing is true, understand.” He looked to Luke to take the part.
“We’ll always be more than a band.”
They weren’t just singing lyrics. Even when she turned over to face them, they carried on.
“You used to brave the world all on your own.” Alex continued.
“Now we won’t let you go.” Luke added.
“Go it alone.” Reggie followed.
“Be who you wanna be, always stand tall.” Luke leaned in a little towards her, smiling at the two words, remembering the song they finished writing together. She smiled back, not being able to help herself. “Not gonna let you fall.”
They sang together, looking and smiling as they did. “Reach for my hand cause it's held out for you. My shoulders are strong, but you can cry on them too. Everything changes but one thing is true, understand. We'll always be more than a band.” They looked to her to continue.
With a wide smile she followed, “I never knew you could take me so far.” The proud smiles on them were hard to miss. “I’ve always wanted to hope that you are the ones I need.”
They repeated the chorus together, harmonizing, voices blending beautifully. “But one thing is true, understand.”
“We’ll always be more than a band.” They dropped out to let Julie finish.
She couldn’t help but look at her boys, proud smiles plastered on them as she looked at each.
“I didn’t know you guys stayed up to watch that.” She found the words to say.
“You said it was a favorite of yours.” Reggie shrugged as if it was obvious.
“You can’t go wrong with a band.” Luke summed up.
“Also Luke couldn’t move so that’s another reason we stayed.”
She let out a light huff from Alex’s statement. She grabbed her necklace again, looked down at it then back to them.
“...Thank you guys. We’ll always be more than a band.” She dropped the necklace and opened her arms, inviting them.
They made a hug with two people kneeling on the floor, work. She might not have been there but she sent the boys to her daughter. Maybe a reminder wasn’t always bad to have. This would be a reminder that they were a family. Family first, band second.
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gloomyhearts · 3 years
Text
Always by your side || Luke Patterson
Chapter nine ~ you just left
people grow together through darkness. does this band will make it without their most important human being.
After years will everything keep the same?
____
Luke patterson x oc
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2020
Sabrina knew exactly where they'd be staying at so the next morning she visits the studio. She poofed in behind Alex drums expecting the boys sitting on the couch but it was empty, just a girl walked into it searching for some guys.
The girl sat down at the piano Sabrina loved to play. And the girl herself began to play some chords. Her voice was angelic.
An older man arrived at the front and looked to the garage, he had a smile on his face, looking relieved.
Sabrina studied her face, her movement and her emotions, somewhere she'd seen this face.
Suddenly the three faces she tried to avoid where behind the singing girl. They didn't seem to notice her again, thank god.
When she finished Alex was about to touch her shoulder to take her into an embrace but Luke stopped him.
The next moment the boys were right next to her. Luke's back was facing her and so did Reggie's. Alex eyes glued on her but he decides to ignore her.
"Oh, dude why'd you stopped me? Julie needs a hug,"
"Bro, a ghost hug isn't the feel-good moment that you think is. All right," he explains.
"Trust me. What Julie needs right now is just a bit of privacy" well Luke wasn't wrong nor right.
The fact that Luke didn't had a girlfriend himself as he was still alive is mostly due to his lack of understanding women or was it?
1993
"Why don't you just go over? They're staring at you since we arrived," Sabrina points over to the group of three girls which all began to wave as Luke's graze fell on them.
"Nah, all they do is to apply make up and tattle about other" he argues.
"You're an idiot" she laughs. At this sight in front of him, her, his mouth curved into a smile.
"You're just jealous," he joins her laughter.
"I'm jealous? Ab- about what? Girls looking at you? You're totally an idiot"
'of course I am' 
Maybe it was because they always had a thing for each other or maybe they didn't found anyone that was as similar as the others. They had a connection no one understood. Alex himself tried to understand it, really he tried his best but somehow nobody else has what they had.
2020
"You know what? I think you poofed us out because you can't handle when people cry," Alex states.
"I should know. I cried in a room for 25 years, and I didn't get a single hug from either of you, just.." he ends before he could say more.
"All right, being it on" Reggie opened his arms to embrace Alex.
"Don't touch me," he threw his hand in the air to imply to him to stop right there.
"That is why no one hugs you," Reggie explains.
"Just what? What do you have to tell us Alex. You're poofing out and then you'd come back crying, obviously and don't tell us where you've been and.. and," Luke starts to stutter at the end.
"I promised. I can't tell you. She.." he stops, his eyes searching for his sister no where to found.
"She?" Reggie questions.
"As in Sa.. Sabrina?" His voice shaking.
The blonde girl hid behind a hedge not knowing if her 'powers' would just make her visible for them.
"N.. no, she wouldn't hide for you guys, I.. I mean you were her family," Alex insists.
"I avoid you." Goosebumps forming on Luke's body as her sweet voice reached his ears.
The girl stepped out from behind the spot.
The sunlight shone on her body and make her look like an angel, Luke thought.
"Brina," he exhales, his view starts to blurry.
"Just hear me out, please, Alex,' she didn't dared to look into his eyes nor his face.
"It wasn't easy for me to leave you all behind. And when I came back as you all played for the first time again. I.. I tried everything to let you know I'm with you. I was in the Orpheum when you had rehearsal, when you talked to the woman and... and when," she gulped tears were streaming down her face
"I just couldn't," Sabrina shook her head as she placed her hands in front of her face.
"You kissed my temple right?" She nodded.
"This whole time. Why didn't you say something, you could have found us. Did Alex, did he knew?" And again she just nodded.
"And you didn't told us Alex? Are you serious?!" Sabrina began to move towards Luke her hand reaching for his and he pulled away.
"Can we talk Luke? Alone?" She suggests.
"No" he coldly says. Sabrina needed to get out of there and poofed herself out. The group was quiet, frozen in tracks.
After collecting his thoughts, I..I think we should, when we have the Courage, ask Julie why she lied go us about the piano," he spoke.
"Yeah, maybe tell her how amazing she's."
"She's legit. I got ghost bumps," he shoved his sleeves up.
A sobbing girl walked past the group to the door of the studio.
" Oh my gosh, was she crying too?" Alex whispers towards his friends.
"Yes," Luke hisses while turning around.
"And the only thing scarier than one girl crying is two girl crying."
"He's right." Alex experienced quite a few times with Sabrina and her friends.
"Guys, we definitely can't go in there," Luke states.
"But we can listen," Reggie points out. And so the three teenager made their way over to the door and peeked through the windows. When Julie's graze rose up to the other girl the boys went down abruptly so they wouldn't be seen by her.
The teenage girls walked out of the garage and Julie greeted the boys which irritated her friend.
They moved past the group and to the stairs.
Reggie calls "don't worry! We weren't listening" in her direction and Luke kicked him.
In the next second the boys were in the garage.
"I wonder why Julie didn't tell us she could play the piano," Reggie began.
"And sing. That girl can sing," Luke added.
"I didn't heard a voice like thins since.." he stopped.
"You know," he shrugged his shoulders.
"Yeah, you're right," Alex agrees.
"I think it probably has something to do with her mom. You know."
"Must've been hard," he went on and moves to the stairs .
"Anyway, I really feel for her," he says at he climbs up.
"Yeah, but," Luke took a seat at the piano.
"Now that she's got music back in her life, just like us."
“Yeah, I’m not sure you can call what we have a life,” Alex calls from the little loft in the garage.
“Oh hey, some of the clothes we left behind are still up here.” He threws the bag down.
“Sweet,” Luke tears his sweater and shirt off his body.
“Oh, same clothes since ’95, boys.”
Julie’s dad steps into the garage, walking through Reggie, “Oh, that was weird!”
“But somehow I can tell this man has a kind heart,” he describes.
Alex sat down, his legs hanging down, his arms resting on the railing. He watched his friends.
“so how have you been?” the older man began. Reggie concernd that the man was talking to him.
“Honestly, not that good. See we ate these hot dogs, and—”
“Julie sang for the first time this morning,” his feet
“Ah!”
“She hadn’t done that in almost a year. You would’ve loved it.
“Yeah, we saw cause we were.. Oh!” It hit Reggie like a rock. The man hold his camera up and the clicking of the shutter filled the room.
“Oh, I get it.” Reggie waved his hand in front of his face.
The raven haired boy turned to his friend, “He.. He’s not talking to us.”
“you are so lucky you can play bass.”
“Pretty sure he’s talking to Julie’s mom," Alex insists.
“She’s such an amazing young woman,” he reached the piano.
“Every day she reminds me more and more of you.
“Called it,” the blonde exclaims.
“Oh, I’m.. uh.. I’m taking for the real estate website. I don’t reall wanna move, but.. It’s the best for Julie,” the three ghost’s were now assembled around the piano.
Luke leans on the piano facing Julie’s dad, “Move?”
“There’s so many memories of Julie playing next to you, and.. Carlos trying to sing with his missing two front teeth,” he remembers chuckling. The shaggy jaired boy breathed shakily bringing his hand up his face to cover it.
Reggie turns to his friend, “Oh no, Luke, not you too.”
“He.. He’s talking about moving, but the poor guy, he doesn’t wanna move,” he explains like the other two haven’t widness it.
Their little scene was interrupt by the man again, “It’s like they grew up.. out here.”
“Oh man, now’s he’s got me too,” Reggie sobs, fanning himself.
“Okay, how am I the emotional one?” Alex argues.
“C-C-Can we go see my family and see how they’re doing?”
“Yeah listening to this feels wrong.”
“Hey, do you remember when the kids were at your sister’s, and we came out her eon our anniversary..”
“Yeah. No definitely wrong,” Luke poofed himself out of the picture. The other two mirrored his action.
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daisiesforlacey · 4 years
Text
clouds - chapter 3 : stratus
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Pair : Julie x Alive!Luke
Summary : After her mother’s death, Julie Molina moved away from Hollywood, across the country, to Ithaca, New York. She’s left behind her two loves in life: her best friend, Luke, and her music. There, she finds new friends and enemies, new experiences and joys, she might even find herself. Every night, Luke calls Julie to talk about the clouds. But what if Luke is hiding something?
Word Count : 5,061
Warnings : mild swearing
Notes : Ok so chapters will be around 3k to 5k words, the first one was just an outlier lol. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! Please please comment and like; feedback means the world to me
Masterlist
Taglist
---
Julie had been finishing up her toast and orange juice with her brother, bleary eyed and barely functional, when Flynn strutted herself into her house with a shout. She dropped her backpack on the ground unceremoniously by the doorway. 
“Good morning Molina household!” She called, “I’m here to kidnap one of you!” Flynn walked into the kitchen before sliding into the bar stool between Julie and Carlos and taking a piece of toast for herself. She shoved it down her throat with remarkable speed before turning Julie’s brother. 
“I was over here in 43 seconds, a new record.”
Carlos nodded his head, impressed, “What was your time to beat, 55 seconds?” 
“Yep. Next time, I just have to remember not to take the stairs so fast.” She rubbed her knee with a grimace.
Julie got up to put her now empty glass in the sink with a clink, “I don’t understand how you two get up in the morning all happy and stuff. There must be something wrong, because it’s not genetic.”
Flynn had now stolen what was left of Carlos’ breakfast, her mouth full while she talked, “Cheer up, we have at least 20 minutes before we have to leave, so you have plenty of time to become a functional human being.” 
“She’s never a functional human being,” Carlos retorted. Flynn smirked as Julie shot a glare at the two of them, now leaning on the counter
“You’re not allowed to be on his side. It’s against the rules.”
Flynn only shrugged, “Rules were meant to be broken.”
Julie crossed her arms, but she was smiling, “Says who?”
“Says me, the rule maker supreme. My word is law. Right, Carlos?” Flynn didn’t even have to look at him as they fist bumped. 
“Right.”
Julie groaned and pushed herself off of the counter top, “Ignoring the heartbreaking betrayal that just went down, Flynn do you remember when I told you I had something to show you?”
Flynn nodded passively. 
“Well I think it was in the garage.” Julie grabbed her wrist and pulled her to the back door, “Carlos, can you finish cleaning up? This is super important.”
Julie heard her brother grumble about stupid sisters and their secrets before getting up to put the rest of the dishes in the sink. 
Julie had texted Flynn after last night’s conversation with Luke to come over a little earlier than normal. She had said that she found something in the garage last night; she didn’t know yet if she would be able to play her piano, so she didn’t want to get anyone's hopes up. 
They walked on the stone path to the disconnected garage to the left of her house before standing in front of the two double doors. Julie pulled them open to reveal a spacious, relatively empty, blank slate. Inside to the right was an old red couch, a lone chair, and a few old band posters, to the left lay a rug, but with enough room to fit at least four chairs and a table. There was a loft overhead, which Julie and her father had spent their first weekend moving boxes into. 
And finally stood a dusty baby grand piano at the back. It had been her mother’s and she and Julie would spend hours at it. No one had played it since they moved. 
Julie turned to Flynn as they stood at the entrance, “Okay, so maybe I didn’t find anything per se, but I sort of did.” She led the other girl to stand in front of the piano before she sat down on the dusty bench, her hands in her lap
“Julie-” Flynn started.
“I was talking with Luke, and he had written a song and we got talking and,” Julie paused, looking at the keys, “He brought up my mom’s song. We had worked on it before she passed.”
Julie looked up to see her friend with a hopeful smile on her face, “I can’t let myself be kicked out of the music program, and I-I think that if I can play this song, I might be able to play again.”
Julie pulled a folded piece of paper out from her pocket and set it atop the piano. Flynn had pulled up a chair next to her and looked at the girl expectantly. 
Julie took a few deep breaths; in and out, in and out, she repeated. She could do this. She could set her hands on the ivory and play her mother's song. All it was was a few notes and lines on a page. She raised her hands to play. It was so simple.
Except, it wasn’t.
She quickly pulled her hands back into her lap, and started toying with her sleeve. If she played her mother’s song, she wouldn’t have anything left of her. This was her mother’s last creation, the last thing she would ever do; if Julie played it, she'd be accepting that. She’d be letting go over her mother and her legacy. 
Flynn must have seen her unease, because she placed a hand on her shoulder. “You don’t have to push yourself.”
Julie shook her head, “No, I have to get over it eventually, I can’t not play.” But she didn’t make a move. She was frozen to the seat, stuck in limbo. 
“It’s just, this is the last thing my mom and I ever did, the last memory I have of us playing. If I play it, I’ll be letting go of her. I don’t think I’m ready to do that. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to do that.” Julie shook her head and placed her head in her hands, “I really wish I could. I wish I could just play the damn piano! Every time I try I just get looks of pity or-or like people are annoyed with me. I wish it was that simple, just sit down and play, and not worry and come to terms with my own mother dying, but I just can’t! I have no idea what will happen when I do!”
She took a stuttering breath in her eyes watering, “I wish that I could be like Dad and accept that she was gone. I wish that I could be like Carlos and just distract myself from it, thinking that ghosts are real just to wrap my head around the concept of death. But I’m not. I’m just Julie. And the one thing that makes me me, I can’t do.” She wiped her eyes with her sleeve, “I’m sorry, that was a lot to unload on you.”
But Flynn pulled her into a bone crushing hug. They stayed like that until Flynn pulled back and held her at arm's length, looking her in the eyes, “I have absolutely no idea what you are going through, and it is completely unfair to ask a person to go through something like this. But please don’t ever feel like you can’t tell me things; that’s what friends are for, especially awesome best friends like me.” She chuckled.
“I never knew Rose, but I do know what it is like to lose someone. You wish you could have known that every moment you had with them was precious, and you wish you could hold on to them forever, and you wish that they just hadn’t left in the first place. And I know that everyday without them feels like a day wasted, and you feel so hopeless when the one person you need isn’t there. And that sucks. But you don’t have to go through it alone; you have me and your dad and Carlos, and L.A boy. You have so many people that love you and will help you through this. I promise.”
“If you can’t play your piano today, that’s completely fine. It may not be tomorrow, or next week, or even a year from now. But one day, you will. And in that moment you’ll realize that you’re not forgetting your mother or letting go of her: you’re moving on. You’re saying, ‘You made me who I am and I love you and I miss you and I think about you every day, but I can’t let this stop me from growing.’ You’re honoring your mother's life by doing what she knew you were born to do: sing and play. All she ever wanted was for you to be happy.” Flynn pulled her into a hug again, “And who knows, maybe Carlos is right, and she’s standing right in this room cheering you on.”
Julie laughed into her friend’s shoulder, sniffling with damp eyes, “You’re the best.”
Flynn shrugged and patted her back, “I know.”
---
After flipping a coin, Julie had agreed to pay for lunch that day in the cafeteria. She stood in the lunch line examining the room as she waited. Another cougar had been painted by the microwaves and a yellow border ran around the ceiling. Tiles in their school colors were scattered across the floor and the room held about 25 round black tables. 
As she finished in the lunch line and walked toward her and Flynn’s table near the entrance, she overheard a conversation.
“So if Dirty Candi wants to perform at the dance, we need to tighten up our routine. Kayla, that means you need to get it together near the chorus.” Carrie Wilson wagged ketchup covered french fry in her friend's direction, “But I really do think we’ll nail it.”
“I know you will!” Nick was sitting next to her, his arm around her waist.
Julie didn’t particularly like Carrie but she had to give it to her; her songs were catchy and her choreography was always immaculate. They had worked hard for every gig they got, and made it look effortless. 
Only a few seconds later, she arrived at her table. She handed Flynn her lunch tray, distracting her from her Pre-Calc homework, then sat down.
She grimaced, “Carrots and peas again? You’d think they’d run out of slop to feed us but nope! It just keeps coming.”
Julie rolled her eyes, “You could always just pack your lunch.”
Flynn gave her a deadpan look and gestured to her spread of papers, “I have more important things to attend to.” She went back to tapping on her calculator.
Julie scrolled through her phone, shoveling her food in her mouth, before she came to one of Carrie’s posts. It showed her and the Dirty Candi girls after a performance, striking the last pose. The caption read ‘couldn’t ask for a better group.’ 
Julie turned to Flynn, “Weren’t you and Carrie really close way back when?”
The girls head shot up, “If by ‘way back when’ you mean two years ago, then yeah, you could say that.”
Julie didn’t want to prod, but she was innately curious. She also figured that they were close enough to tell each other most things. If Flynn shut it down, then she wouldn’t ask again. 
“What happened?”
Flynn looked down at her carrots and peas, she pushed them around with the plastic fork. “We were really close, our parents were friends. You’ve seen her house, they don’t live too far from us, so I used to bike there after school. We’d hang out every day and we did everything together: school chorus, swim team, dance team, literally everything. On Wednesday’s--”
“We wear pink?” Julie snorted.
“Yes, because that’s exactly what I was going to say.” She gave her a flat look, “No, on Wednesdays we’d go over to her McMansion and have dinner. But I guess something happened because she dropped me like that.” Flynn snapped her fingers. “I never found out why, but she moved on and formed Dirty Candi and now I have you. So all’s well that ends well.”
Julie nodded, “Thanks for telling me.”
“Yeah, of course,” Flynn softly smiled, then looked down at her homework, “But could you seriously help me with this, I’m so confused.”
---
“‘We’re the revolution that’s been singing in the rain!’ That is genius!” Reggie held the crumpled paper in front of his face, spinning around. He then plunked on the bright blue couch.
“That’s what I was saying!” Luke laughed. 
Luke, Alex, and Reggie, were in Alex’s garage yet again, but this time, with a finished song. The day was just as hot as the previous one, so they had all of the doors and windows open. They had moved the blue couch, a desk chair, a couple lawn chairs, and their band equipment around to form sort of a homey interior. Alex thought it was more trashy, but Reggie had insisted that cozy was the right word. 
Alex was sprawled out on the desk chair, one leg over each arm, seeming to not know how to sit, as Luke had pulled up a lawn chair around the center table.
“You said Julie Molina helped you finish it? The girl that moved away?” Alex asked. “The one you talk to everyday?”
“Yeah, yeah, we talk sometimes. And she came up with this awesome line.” Luke snatched the paper from Reggie’s hands and waved the paper like Reggie had. 
“Cool, cool. That’s not the point though. You guys talk everyday and you haven’t told her about us?” Alex was now upside down in the chair, his hair brushing the ground.
“I mean she knows about you guys! We were all in music together last year! She just doesn’t know we're in a band.” Luke didn't really mean to not tell Julie, it just, hadn’t come up. Or at least that’s what he told himself.
“Okay we’re not a band: one,” Alex held up a finger, “We only have three songs, and two,” he held up another, “We don’t have a band name.” 
“Oh! We are Whisper Cats, tell your friends!” Reggie waved his hand with a giddy smile, as if it was spelled out in blinding lights.
Alex whipped his head, “We are not using that name.”
Luke shrugged and mumbled, “I kinda liked it.”
“Again, not the point,” Alex sighed and ran his hand over his face, “Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one with a brain cell. Why haven’t you told her about our music? I’m sure she’d be happy to know that you have other friends that aren’t 3000 miles away.”
“2,789 miles away--”
“And how many minutes is that?”
“About 7 hours, 15 minutes, by plane, give or take.”
Alex groaned, “Exactly. If you know that much about her, she should at least know about your favorite people in the world.”
Reggie stuck his bottom lip out and made puppy eyes, “We’re your favorite people? Aww, Luke!”
Luke opened his mouth to say something, but Alex shot him a look.
“I just don’t want her to feel replaced. She hasn’t played her piano in months and suddenly I join a makeshift band with my ‘new’ best friends? We used to write songs together, that was our thing, and now I write them with you guys? Yeah, that will totally blow over well.” Luke looked down, a frown etched its way onto his face. 
“I mean if she’s your friend she’ll be happy for you. Music is a big part of your life, and it seems like it’s a big part of hers. You’re also totally not replacing her, obviously Alex and I look nothing like her. And it's not as if  you can, like, monopolize writing music, I don’t think that’s how that works.” Reggie said, looking between Alex and Luke.
Alex pointed at Reggie, “For once, you made some good points.”
He looked mildly offended, “I always make good points, what are you talking about?” 
Alex ignored him, “Just make sure you’re not taking Julie for granted. One way or another, she’ll find out about our band.”
Yeah, Luke totally wasn’t going to mention that he didn’t tell her about his family situation now. 
“Yes, alright, can we get back to practicing?” Luke pushed himself off of the chair, bouncing on the balls of his feet, and reached for his blue guitar, swinging it around him. He plugged in his amp, setting the volume levels as he played a couple chords. He adjusted the mic stand up, before switching the mic on. 
“Bet. I can’t wait to play Now or Never all the way through.” Reggie scrambled to get his bass and followed suit. Alex rolled his eyes.
He slowly moved right side up in his chair so as to not get a headache then set up behind his drum kit. He nodded to Luke before clicking his sticks, “From the top. One, two, three!”
“‘Take off, last stop, countdown ‘til we blast open the top’,” Luke sang into his mic, bouncing around, “‘Face first, full charge, electric hammer to the heart’.” 
He beamed at Reggie who plucked his bass in turn. This was the first time they had been able to come together and have the full fledged song. 
“‘Clocks move forward, but we don’t get older, no. Keep on climbing, till our stars collide’,” Luke continued, feeling the energy grow as the chorus built, “And all the times we fell behind, were just the keys to paradise!”
He stomped his foot down into a power stance as Alex’s driving beat filled his soul. It seemed so natural as electricity seemed to flow through them all. They were enveloped in the music and drowned out the world around them.
“‘Don’t look down! Cause we’re still rising up right now! And even if we hit the ground, we’ll still fly!’” Luke’s voice danced over the chorus when he closed his eyes, “‘Dreaming like we’ll live forever, but living like it’s now or never!’”
“‘Hear the noise, in my head, it’s calling out like a voice I can’t forget. One life, no regrets, catch up, got no time to catch my breath’,” Luke’s words came alive and transformed with the music. “‘Clocks move faster, cause it’s all we’re after.’”
Luke nodded Reggie over to share his mic, their energy seemed to fuel each other when they harmonized, “‘Won’t stop climbing, cause this is our time yeah,” Luke pushed him back playfully and turned to look at an imaginary audience, “‘When all the days felt black and white, those were the best shade of my life’.”
Alex nodded along as the second chorus came around and Reggie and Alex joined Luke with his vocals. Alex had an ear splitting grin as he sang with his best friends. He knew that this was what he wanted to do; he didn’t want to go to college or a trade school, he wanted to be on stage and learn the ropes of performing. Luke wanted to go city to city and eat bad hot dogs and be too tired to walk, and just play. He knew that was where he belonged.
“‘We ain't searching for tomorrow’,” Alex sang as Reggie echoed. The finished bridge was great, “‘Cause we got all we need today’.”
Reggie glanced at Luke nervously, “Living on a feeling that’s been running through our veins.”
Reggie beamed and swooped a hand through his hair when he sang Julie’s line. It was perfect, “‘We’re the revolution that’s been singing in the rain.’”
The boys looked back and forth when singing the next chorus in gang vocals, clapping along with Alex’s clicking drum sticks. Luke, ever the dramatic, swung his guitar over his shoulder “‘Don’t look down, cause we’re still rising up right now.”
On the last beat, Reggie and Luke struck their power chords. “And even if we hit the ground, we’ll still fly. Keep dreaming like we’ll live forever, but living like it’s now or never.”
The song was coming to an end as Reggie and Alex sang backup to Luke, “It’s now or never!”
The last sounds rang around the garage and Luke could already hear the crowd cheering. His chest heaved and he could feel the back of his sleeveless shirt stick to his skin. 
Reggie threw his hands in the air, “We’re Whisper Cats, tell your friends!”
Alex threw a drumstick at him. 
--
Flynn and Julie walked home as usual and they looked at the clouds together. The weather had warmed up as the day progressed, but it was still cold enough to warrant a jacket. The leaves were just hanging onto their branches by a thread, and the sky, a perfect, ideal blue, was almost clear.
Julie had thought about Luke and Flynn’s words and she had made an executive decision: she was going to play her mother’s song. Not because anyone was forcing her, but because she knew she was holding herself back. She knew that it was time for her to move on.
After finishing her homework, she rushed to the garage and sat at the piano, the warm golden light of sunset illuminating her. She had placed the music on top of the mirrored surface and took a deep breath. She placed her hands on the keys. She knew that the second she started, memories of her mother would come flooding back.
And she was ready.
She pressed the ivory keys, reading along to her mother’s notation. The notes filled the space, the melody feeling like coming home. 
“‘Here’s the one thing I want you to know, you got some place to go.’” She sang, “Life’s a test, yes, but you go toe-to-toe. You don’t give up, no, you grow.’”
She could feel her voice wobble as her eyes started to water. She was overwhelmed by her mother’s lyrics, knowing they were written just for her, just for this moment.
She continued, “‘And use your pain, cause it makes you you, though I wish I could hold you through it. I know it’s not the same,’” Julie gasped, “‘You got living to do, and I just want you to do it.’”
“‘So get up, get out, relight that spark, you know the rest by heart.’” She remembered her mother’s last Christmas where they made too many cookies to ever eat. She remembered all of the walks where her mother would point out every little thing, from the leaves, to squirrels and spiderwebs. 
“‘Wake up, wake up, if it’s all you do. Look out, look inside of you. It’s not what you lost, it’s what you’ll gain raising your voice to the rain.’” As Julie crescendoed she remembered her mother’s warm all encompassing hugs, and her sharp tongue when Julie would talk back to her.
She could feel the music flow through her bones and every atom of her body as she finished out the chorus. The setting sun was warm on her back.
“‘Better wake those demons, just look them in the eye, no reason not to try. Life can be a mess; I won’t let it cloud my mind, I’ll let my fingers fly.’” She threw her head back as she riffed on her mother's words. She could feel a tear run down her cheek.
“‘And use the pain ‘cause it’s part of me, and I’m ready to power through it. Gonna find the strength, find the melody, ‘cause you showed me how to do it. Get up, get out, relight that spark, you know the rest by heart.’” She wondered why she had waited so long to play, her mother had written these lyrics just for her; something that would last forever. 
“‘Wake up, wake up, if it’s all you do. Look out, look inside of you. It’s not what you lost, it’s what you’ll gain raising your voice to the rain.’” Julie thought of every family dinner and every grocery run, just for the simple things. 
“‘Wake up your dream and make it true, look out, look inside of you. It’s not what you lost, relight that spark, time to come out of the dark,’” She thought of her mom’s burning bravery, her fearless want for adventure, and fierce love for her family. “‘Wake up, wake up.’”
Julie stood up, fully in tears as she looked up to the sky, “‘So wake that spirit, spirit. I wanna hear it, hear it. No need to fear it, you’re not alone. You’re going to find your way!”
She pulled her hands up from the keys and stretched them out before crashing them back down, “‘Wake up, wake up, if it’s all you do. Look out, look inside of you. It’s not what you lost, it’s what you’ll gain raising your voice to the rain. Wake up your dream and make it true, look out, look inside of you. When you feel lost, relight that spark, time to come out of the dark.’” She smiled out as she sang. She wasn’t letting go over her mother, she was honoring her. She was the closest she had been to her mother since she had passed.
Julie sat back down on the stool, “Wake up, mmm, wake up.” She closed her eyes and played the final notes of the song. 
She had done it. 
She found her music.
Suddenly Flynn burst into the garage, followed quickly by her father and Carlos. They tackled her in a group hug. “I would promise you we weren’t listening, but with a voice like that how could you not!” She said. 
“Mija, I’m so proud of you!” Her father chuckled, but she could hear that his voice was choked. 
“Julie, that was amazing! Better than anything you’ve ever sung!” Carlos said.
Julie was stunned for a second as they all held onto her, before they let go and let her breathe. She wiped her tears on her sweater sleeve as she stood up, “Thank you. That was mom’s song.”
Her dad slung an arm around her shoulder and pulled her into a side hug, “We all knew you could do it, I just didn’t think it would be so soon. Your mother would be so proud of you, I know we all are.”
--
Luke had remembered to bring his acoustic guitar back to his house after practice. Luckily, he had made it home before dinner, although the meal they did share was filled with tense words and silence. His mother had stabbed her potatoes with her fork after she had heard that Luke was trying to book gigs. He was sure he had done the same when she asked about his science fair project.
He had run to his room the second he finished eating. His room was small, but appropriate; it was covered floor to ceiling in band posters and written scraps of lyrics. He had his guitars propped in one corner, next to his messy desk. Clothes were haphazardly strewn around his laundry basket, from where he hadn’t bothered to try and aim accurately. 
But now Luke was talking to Julie.
“-and it was amazing, Luke! My fingers flew across the keys and I sang and it was beautiful! I swear I could feel my mom looking over me!” Julie sighed, talking a million words a minute.
“That’s awesome! I told you you could do it! Julie Molina pianist extraordinaire is back in business. Oh my god, we can write songs again, just like last year!” Luke had her on speaker phone and was playing around with some chords and riffs. He was elated that she had played her mom’s song; he knew how much her death had affected Julie and how much of a mountain playing her song was to climb. He was proud of her. “Speaking of songs: I finished Now or Never, thanks to you, and it’s a banger. I can already hear the bass and drums and the crowd chanting our names!”
Julie laughed, “You’re really working on that whole rockstar thing, huh?”
“Of course, they always told us to chase our dreams in school, didn’t they? I’m just going on more of an… unconventional route.”
“By yourself? A one man band? Doesn’t sound very rockstar-ish to me.” Julie retorted. Luke knew he hadn’t really told Julie about his friends. But he also knew that this was her way of prodding him to tell her. Luke supposed that it has been a long time coming. 
“Do you remember Alex and Reggie? From music class?”
Julie hummed as she thought, as if she hadn't prodded Luke “Oh! The blond one with the fanny pack and the one in the leather jacket? Them right?”
Luke nodded before he realized that she couldn’t see him, “Yeah, them. I’ve become closer with them, mostly hanging out in Alex’s garage.” He was careful to omit any mention of their instruments, music, or any tell that might give him away. Julie could catch him red handed in a lie, no matter the distance, so he...didn’t lie. He just didn’t say the full truth.
“Really? I never would have guessed.” He heard her sit in what he thought was a chair, judging by the slight squeak. “It’s a good thing you’ve made friends that aren’t so far away.” He laughed as she unknowingly parroted Alex’s words. 
She continued, “Yeah now that I can play again, I can stay in music class. I just need a song by Friday, which isn’t too hard to do -- write a song in 3 days -- it’s just kind of a lot to ask right now. I was going to ask if I could just turn one of Flynn’s raps into a song with a simple 1, 5 , 4, progression.”
“Actually I wrote another song that would be perfect for your range,” He moved his guitar off of his lap, opened his song book, took a picture and sent it to Julie. “I just sent it, if you want to use that.”
Julie checked her phone, “Are you sure? I’d be playing it in front of my whole class.”
Luke smiled, he had intended to show Alex and Reggie the song, but he figured Julie would get more use out of it, “Yeah totally, it can be a thank you for helping me figure out that lyric in Now or Never.”
Luke could hear Julie’s smile, “Thank you so much, oh my god. You’re the best!” He heard her get up from her squeaky chair, “I have to go, but I’ll send you a video of when I play it; I’ll make Flynn record it.”
He chuckled, “Okay, I’ll see you soon.”
“I’ll see you soon.”
---
Taglist : @siennanoelle01​, @roses-and-ponds-and-bowties​ 
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paraclete0407 · 3 years
Text
1.
That my favorite JLC novel was ‘Call for the Dead’ - a reference for the Black Death
2.
Nora Roberts’ ‘Holding the Dream’ - ‘Project 521′
3.
‘[Japanese word for bouquet] super-cruise
4.
‘Afterburner’ - hands on shoulders
5.
‘Disbelief in math’ - you [stole presence of breast]
6.
‘Why am I so dumb’
7.
Drinking boiling tea on empty stomach till fly, leap weightlessly
8.
‘Mariposa 2016′ - why not be ‘wheeled out’ 
9.
‘Speak while breathing in’
10.
Oxygen from outside not needed; breathing is crutch
11.
Do backflip; test of will
12.
‘Germantown Lake’
13.
Instant respect University School of Milwaukee
14.
‘UW-Milwaukee (once) respected me’
15.
‘The infliction
16.
‘H3B’ - ‘Mutt Riley’ drug-dealer w/ heart of gold (fake stock character) ‘Malaysian Camille,’ fingers intercostal, ‘Liesl,’ point to books w/ furry boot-toes, ‘I want to kick that cat.’  Some kind of gov’t agency.  Girl w/ marmalade hair,
17.
‘Gangster Opera’ - ‘__-ya what _ _ _ _’ - ‘penalty life’ 
18.
‘Flamenco dance-hall poison gas massacre’ - ‘First Love’
19.
‘The Persian Girl’ - NYC container-ship nuclear terrorism
20.
‘Oxygen Girl and Lithium Boy’ - W. Allen ‘Jupiter Symphony’ - Green R-33  - ‘Yeppeo Harkke’ - ‘I’m not Allen; don’t want to know everything; I groom no one; I expect not to live forever; IDC abt ‘sexual awakening’  + doesn’t need to be taught.  Unoriginal sinner, un-special sophistication, ‘nubile’ - well f--- you and praise God f---face
21.
Distributing the apple-baskets to the poor
22.
‘Epipen’ hostess-bar; [fake name spoken by munch-crumple-idiot].  
23.
‘The Coalminer’s Wife.’  Rutgers is Pyongyang; Mason Gross School of the Arts is Pyongyang; spiral staircase, why am I so dumb.  ‘Poetry-writing is like _ _ but novel-writing is like coal-mining.’  The small room, loom / weave.  Sleep in uniform apron / visor.  Blindness.  Hairband.  ‘If you wear this shirt on college 1st day will meet fut. husband.’  
Sitting in subterranean culvert, bride, pink silver white, orange light.  Kneeling in matte white in coal-hill.  ‘The village headman’s daughter.’  Candle.  Roman Catholicism implied.  
24.
Legalistic, fat on health-foods.  Friend is skinny always burning self down, love of pizza.  ‘Sungjin.’  
25.
‘Minister of the Right’ - ‘Scholar Jin and Lady Periwinkle’
26.
‘Eternal Protector YSS his face was white to blacks black to whites spoke breathing in, racist in immutable divine capacity, picking up valuables from ground even if stolen property =/- smashing store-window to steal.  Terrible elephant-trumpet, sinking, PCH will burn me w/ cigarette-tip in Eternity.  
27.
‘Sospira’ - mandatory euthanasia for piano-teacher after ‘genius student’ graduates
28.
‘Man is woman and woman is b _ _.’  ‘Women are floors.’  
29.
The bird says ‘laoshi.’  The rabbit approaches me; my son.  Little kids w/ armored lower legs will crush me.  
30.
‘So tired from writing strip-club accounts by hand shoulder fatigue the RU Aryan Nation (inc. blonde Jewesses) easily bent her arm to make it look like suicide.’    
31.
‘I caused WW3 due to collective hallucination and/or CCP deepfake; casus belli
32.
‘We’ll give you a five-course meal then f--- you up + also plant bomb in stomach
33.
‘I f---ig TOLD YOU
34.
Mom trusted me with absolute trust-ness as we walked; Jew ‘Take your family _____!’  ‘Carlos Park,’ ‘I HATE Jews; they think they’re the only humans.’  ‘At least we can all agree about Obergefell(?!).’
35.
Why Episcopalians sing about Socrates?
36.
Tell parents, ‘Don’t you know how easy it is to generate deepfakes and say anyone did anything?’  They drove away leaving me outside Best Buy.
37.
‘He’s like the Palestinians.’  ‘I really like you.’  Black boy in pom-pom-hat, tooth-smile, tinfoil.’  My Tibetan bracelet, Diamond Gym Maplewood
38.
‘Meta-wolf.’  Painterly resolution of cinema.  Die at piano.  Stab self in right thigh.  
39.
Looking in to the PC screen 2003 I saw the future; at the very end of the _ _ vid the katana right through her mouth and head / brain / skull.  Dads to plan Covid ultra-vengeance.  YSS, ‘I killed my sons to _ _ _.’  
40.
St. Peter in sky
41.
‘Delight of bread; it befits Man’s dignity... Xi Jinping likes _... delight stomach nursing school, orange sherbert, all ight getting beaten
42.
The Black PhD woman wants me to apply lip-gloss(?!), will not expand on educational philosophy of institution - ‘I blah blah blah Harvard, middle class can’t live within means - Shanghai novel ‘What We Were Not Promised’ - ‘
43.
Guidance counselor you f----- it up - incompetent reprobate self-hypermasculinizing crop-hair Jewess man up Derek Chauvin
43.
‘The neural math Yuki Katakura, mirror neurons, decoupling, cannot ride the vestibule, Matt Chai, “Correspondence and Correlation’  Berkeley CA, ‘Catherine Chai’ emerald dress, McDonalds in the days when seats were fixed outside.  Michelle WAi funeral; she played guitar; commanded submarine, assassinated by RPG Arab terrorist.  G-36.  ‘Fantail.’
44.
‘What’s Myeong Hyeongeso up to?’ - I really love my friend Cunningham whose heartrate spikes probably b/c he knows there’s CCP Yakuza assassins somewhere al the time thinking of murdering him
45.
Daejin McDonald’s one night, I start singing ’Star Spangled Banner.’  Kim Jong Un launches missile arcing over cereal grain fields, I start singing ‘Star Spangled Banner.’
46.
Literally 2015, ‘Trinity of Happiness.’  Later ‘finally enter.’  Gold label lite cigarette, ‘I’m gonna have my day!’
47.
I gave the little kid money + he flipped out; he later tried to freeze himself to death as Texas Bill is manning up worried about magazine cliches, contributions to ROKA(?).  Kid quit due to voice but he’s still better than me!  Fire all these people, CDF, ‘Charles David Framingham,’ nuke Milwaukee, I don’t trust his data.  ‘I had so much sex before marriage’ - just die I read your magazine 3,0000 years ago.  I can’t believe anyone wants to be you; my grandfather was B-24 co-pilot, main pilot KIA, landed without landing-training, grapefruit morning, infinite wrist-strength.  I smashed up his house but he didn’t get mad, just stutter.  Dead-eyed f---face shooting every animal in Texas.  
48. 
Very much fear of P2 holiness but holiness-shyness even worse than love-shyness even more blasphemous, I sincerely hope he strangles me very soon
49.
The evillest thing I ever thought, the ‘death of deaths,’ Kim Jong Il, what was he thinking?  I used to toy with TW-1, say word ‘zombie’  ‘How could you do that?!’  I didn’t liquefy girls’ skeletons or sth; it’s like Schindler’s List soundtrack; I just don’t know words for it.  ‘Final Gesture’ - Jesus to Judas ‘friend?’
50.
Iraq War Day trail-running, later cognizance of Noam Chomsky Hiroshima Day.  Wanted to say Op. Olympic noble but in retrospect ‘Bells of Nagasaki’ + ‘swamp of Japan.’  My grandfather’s funeral, dad is, ‘We have all drunk from wells we did not dig.’  Chinese chicken eat, nap, I can run all the way up of the hill w/ African chat.  I like YooA ‘Bon Voyage,’ check CNS high reps, atrial fibrillation.
51.
SHINEE fangirl ‘Stella(?)’ - noli me tangerine I know that stuff is ‘little stars.’  Awed at my gait  ‘If only they had stayed in hot pursuit.’  I wanna believe in all that stuff as well; I am also a dead-ender or last-chancer or last-caller; I admire Mari Iijima, ‘’Uncompromising Innocence.’  ‘Little Heaven’ but that’s Kim Jongilism or I’m worse than Kim Jong Il for thinking about ‘Agents Running in the Field.’  Timothy Keller, ‘I don’t like broccoli.’  I felt it was an innuendo and it made me think of HJ that gave me her number but I didn’t call b/c I’m against prostitution and I felt it’s fake number b/c everything is the Shadowplay.  I made stupid lewd stuff for years despite ‘Anointment’ and ‘When To Care’ - ‘toucan, macaw, demi-bra.’  Everyone thinks I’m a rapist but I’m not pressing my case; I don’t mouth-breath; I don’t spit.  I read ‘Sentimental Education’ and pre-targeted; I gave up; I wish Gen. McChrystal could be President or GWB 3rd term, conscience of Moon Jaein, ‘Weary Head.’  Thought I was ‘all hard’ for reading Natsume Soseki’s ‘Meian’ with ex-girlfriend’s smile at the end but he as dying then I started seeing kisses + wife-smiles and stuff; what’s Francis Chan up to?, does Mike Pompeo know I am real?  I liked 2nd Inuyasha movie, that song was about Mochida Kaori’s unborn niece or nephew, Kinokuniya Edgewater Mitsuwa.  The ‘Many Pieces’ live version ended with bass-note - ‘cantus firmus’ - instead of fadeout and wail.  Stone Lake NK Mountain morning.  Fav. Bible book 2 Timothy - ‘grievous wolves.’  & I used to listen to ‘Arirang’ and hear the Latin, ‘Respondemus’ - my favorite person said that Latin’s ‘quaint’ but it’s the lingua franca of the Roman Empire and that’s the final empire of this world that never went away; but this is a specific era, the great wave Delta and it’s not even the last iteration If I know anything about biological war or Satan.  Unironically fall on your face; ten billion jewel-souls tonight and this terrible fire rolling over.  I just simply pray for mercy on Milwaukee + somebody suspend their infinity-war-dueling over all the ills of yesterday back to Original Sin nd the Fall of Lucifer.  I’m unhappy that I know all this pop-culture; ‘worlds are swaying / someone is praying / please let us come home to stay’ or Kahi’s ‘One Love’ where at the end it uses the word for ‘I’ in the subjective case which is ‘arm confirmed identity’ 
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saiilorstars · 4 years
Text
Dare To Forget Me
Ch. 25: Owing Zero
/ Previous chapters /
Fandom: Law & Order SVU
Pairing:  Rafael Barba x Female OC
Warnings: Due to the nature of the series’ plots, I do have to rate this as ‘mature’ for constant mentions of rape.
Taglist: @ocfairygodmother @anotherunreadblog @maaaaarveeeeel​ 
[If you’d like to be added to this specific OC’s stories/edits, send me a message!]
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Chapter Summary: With her spirits lifted a bit, Montserrat returns to work. In the end, though, she has some special advice as a farewell to her old partner.
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Flashes of cop cars and ambulances illuminated the night street. SVU had picked up a robbery and rape late in the night and were all over the scene.
"You're here," Sonny's surprise made Montserrat roll her eyes, though there was a tiny smile on her face as she walked up to the scene.
She definitely looked more put together than the last time they'd seen her. There was that sneaky smile on her face, the glint of 'it's time to work' was back in her eyes. "Who else would it be?" she responded since she was aware, from Olivia's texts, that Amanda was MIA again.
You doin' better, then?" Sonny walked alongside her towards the victims' house, which turned out to be quite big and elegant.
"A little," Montserrat shrugged her shoulders. "So, what do we got?"
Sonny led her into the house that turned out to be even more elegant on the inside. It was crystal white, though now tarnished with overturned furniture and broken glass.
"It's a Brazilian diplomat's home. Perp uses the security keypad, enters, pulls a gun, ties the husband up, rapes the wife. He took some cash but left her jewelry and electronics."
Montserrat stopped in front of an empty wall that had marks of where a portrait once hung. "And I'm assuming we got some missing art?"
"Major case is sending over their art crimes expert," Sonny said and was met with surprised eyes.
"Art crimes expert?"
"Apparently some significant paintings were stolen."
Olivia walked into the home, along with Amanda, and was surprised to find Montserrat inside. However, the sergeant seemed to be pleased once it hit her. "Novak, glad to have you back."
Montserrat nodded. "Duty calls and I think I'm taking advantage of my sick days."
"Alright," Olivia looked ahead to where Fin was interviewing the presumed-to-be husband, "Let's go see what we have."
Amanda tailed behind the sergeant looking pretty rattled for a detective who'd been around these crimes more than she could count.
"Does Amanda seem off to you?" Montserrat meant only for Sonny to hear, but instead she got Nick on the side answering her.
"Yes! Finally someone agrees!"
"Okay…" Montserrat cleared her throat. Maybe she'd missed out more than she thought.
~ 0 ~
Though their case had the potential to be a big one since the victims were foreigners and diplomats, both of them seem to shut down.
Olivia had all the papers of their call last night set on the conference table. She was going through each of them just to make sure they had the right details since there was a clear contradiction between now and last night. "So the diplomat told the responding detective that he saw the rapist's face, but he told you that the rapist wore a mask?" he locked eyes with Fin since he was the one who interviewed the husband.
"Yeah," Fin gave the confirming nod.
"And how's the wife?"
"She shut down," Montserrat answered. She and Amanda tried to interview the wife but as soon as she saw them, she told them she didn't remember anything. "Maybe she's in shock."
"Or they know the perp and they're afraid of him," Sonny threw the idea out there which, logically thinking, could very well be it.
"Well, the assailant knew them-" Nick started counting off his fingers, "-knew their door code, which paintings to take…"
"So the rape is to throw us off?" Olivia made a face at him, not quite getting it.
"Or send a message."
"You know what? I can pull the front door security video, check for other cameras on the block," Amanda volunteered. She opened up her laptop to do the task but, for some reason, shifted when Nick moved to stand behind her and watch. "Okay, so the front door video's just gone."
"Well, the perp had to have taken it," Montserrat shrugged. "Not surprising. If anything, it just shows he's pretty damn smart."
"I found a good camera from across the street," Amanda said, but Sonny yelped behind her since she was zipping through the feed.
"Whoa, whoa. Slow down! You can't see a thing!"
"I got it, Carisi," Amanda rolled her eyes.
"This is going nowhere," Nick moved to take a seat next to Montserrat. "The victim wouldn't even do a rape kit so we've got nothing from her."
"But CSU recovered semen and hair from the crime scene. They're running the DNA," Fin said.
"Then we wait," Olivia rose from her chair and looked at Montserrat. "My office, Novak."
Of course. Montserrat sighed but nodded. She got up from her seat, ignoring the looks from the rest of the squad, and followed Olivia to her office.
"You look a lot better today, Montse," Olivia said as soon as the door was shut. She flashed one of her mother-hen smiles at the detective.
"Yeah, well, a friend helped," Montserrat said softly.
Olivia noticed the smile Montserrat was trying to keep hidden. "Well, I'll be sure to thank Kara when I see her."
"Mhm," Montserrat's eyebrows raised together since her sarcasm was threatening to spill. Yeah, she'd let Olivia think it was Kara. Better that way.
"And look, I am sorry I visited your old Captain," Olivia knew that despite having the best intentions, she didn't go about it the right way. "I wanted to help and I-I wanted Carroll to know that you were not alone. I went over. I'm sorry."
"I know you are," Montserrat nodded. Olivia Benson was incapable of being evil. "I just...I don't know if that was good or bad for me. Carroll retired which...I don't know, could mean that she does feel guilty."
"Oh, believe me, she was," Olivia still remembered the way Carroll looked after she yelled in the woman's face. "It is despicable that she manipulated you into staying quiet."
"Manipulated…" Montserrat repeated with a heavy breath. She chewed on her lower lip and bitterly chuckled. "I never really thought about it like that. That I was...manipulated." The realization that she was a victim had been a terrible moment, but the fact she'd been manipulated by her own Captain - a woman she looked up to - was a close second.
"You know...I know that you don't want to press charges, but...have you considered confronting Carroll?" Olivia knew it was a troublesome idea to throw out there, but she only wanted Montserrat to get some type of closure. "It sounds difficult but...maybe it can do you some good."
"I...never thought about that," Montserrat admitted. "My last interaction with Captain Carroll was a formal but with a clearly tensed atmosphere. To see her again...I don't know what that would do to me. Plus, even if I wanted to, Jonah said she retired and that no one's been able to contact her since then."
"We'd find her," Olivia said with absolute certainty.
"I have to think about that," Montserrat decided it would be better to think about the option when she wasn't at work.
"Okay," Olivia nodded. "But I'm here for you, alright?"
A small smile graced Montserrat's face. "I know. A lot of people are."
~0~
"Hey, we got a hit on the DNA," Fin announced to the rest of the squad. "Carlos Riva."
Amanda blinked in what anytime would call shock. "A-are you sure? I mean, he's in the system, and he leaves his DNA at the scene?"
"I take back what I said about the 'smart' thing," Montserrat muttered to Sonny.
"Does he have any record?" Nick asked Fin.
"He got a gun charge that just got dropped."
"Well, how do we have his DNA then?" Amanda still couldn't get over her surprise.
"Had a misdemeanor last fall, stalking in the fourth degree. He got it pled down to domestic assault."
"Good thing New York finally authorized all crimes DNA," Montserrat waved her pen in the air.
"He must've not realized that," Amanda said slowly, as if coming to terms with it. "He must've thought that once the gun charge was dropped his DNA wasn't in the system."
"So we're looking for an idiot," Sonny remarked.
"Aren't we always?" Montserrat had to think about it.
"The arrest report says he was a driver at a Chelsea art gallery," Fun read off more from their report. "I say we follow up with this gallery, see if he still works there."
"Guys, I've been on 16 hours," Amanda rubbed her face and offered her team a weak smile, silently asking to be let free.
"You go," Fin told the blonde. "We got this."
As Amanda hurriedly grabbed her things and made a hasty stride out of the bullpen, Fin watched Nick's lingering look on her. "Whatever you're thinking…don't."
Nick didn't have to say anything to indicate he was dying to know what Amanda was doing. And truth be told, the others were curious too.
~0~
It'd been a while since Montserrat visited Dr. Weslin and she felt like there was a lot of things she needed to get off her chest. It started from her birthday - which was, in general, troublesome before anything else - to Rafael, then the setback with Captain Carroll and, most recently, Jonah's appearance. It was the only free space Montserrat could use to say everything she thought without fearing the consequences.
"I'm very sorry you've been having a rough time," Weslin said after Montserrat finally finished. "But the way you've handled things...I'm happy to see you dealing with them."
"Well, I don't think I've been dealing with them in the most mature way," Montserrat admitted. "I've been reclusive, I've-I've been screaming. I've done a lot of screaming actually." If it wasn't for professionalism, Weslin might have chuckled. Montserrat continued to think about her way of acting afterwards and made a face. "I'm not joking."
"No, I know you're not."
"But even after all that, my friends...they still helped me. I'm grateful for that." Montserrat nodded at herself but as she continued to think about her latest period of life, it was hard to keep a head held high all the time. "Even if things don't always work out...I am grateful...for things. People."
Weslin lowered her head as a curious expression settled across her face. "Do we want to continue about these certain people?"
Montserrat's face was an unsure one. "There's not much left to say."
Her defeated tone was something Weslin took note of. "Sounds like it's final."
"Isn't it?" a weak smile left Montserrat's face. Even if she didn't want to keep talking about it, the words kept leaving her mouth. She supposed it was the fact she had the reigns of the conversation here. "I just don't have the energy to keep arguing with Rafael about this. What's the point? He's as stubborn as I am. Changing his mind is...next to impossible."
"I'm sorry to hear that," Weslin offered the woman a kind smile.
Montserrat shrugged because it was the only thing she could think of to do. "Least now I can try to move on. But you know, if it wasn't for Kara putting these ideas in my head...none of this would've happened. I probably wouldn't even have looked twice at this…" her hand made a gesture in front of her, "...stubborn, snarky ADA." Weslin kept a locked stare on Montserrat, no real expression on her face but it was enough for Montserrat to think twice and sigh. "Okay, maybe I would have. Much later, but...probably would have."
"I think it's good for you to admit that out in the open," Weslin said. "It's part of that moving on thing you want to do."
Montserrat sighed again but agreed with Weslin. She couldn't move on if she didn't accept her fault. And part of her fault - if not all of it - was that she kissed Rafael because she wanted to. It was not Kara. It wasn't even Rafael. It was her. All her.
"Yeah, I know," Montserrat glumly said. "But you know, the parts where I should be more confrontational is where I am alarmingly not."
"How do you mean?"
"You know how I mentioned my old partner was in town? I sort of had my go with my sergeant because of what Jonah told me. Turns out Olivia visited my old Captain and now the woman, suddenly, retired."
"You think it was connected?"
"Oh, I know it was," Montserrat nodded. "Olivia confronted Carroll about silencing my entire rape case. I guess she guilt tripped Carroll so much she decided to leave the police department. And now Liv is suggesting I find Carroll so I can...get things off my chest."
"Confront her," Weslin concluded. "How did you respond?"
"Same as always: 'I don't know'," Montserrat shook her head. "Story of my life. This is my case - my unsolved, not even started case - and I'm not sure about anything."
"Well, let's start with this: how does the idea of seeing Captain Carroll make you feel?"
"Angry," Montserrat said instantly, almost automatically. It was a realization for her, actually. The idea she was still angry with her Captain - that she was angry in the first place was mind-rattling. "Oh my God...I'm angry with her."
Weslin watched silently as Montserrat came to the conclusion on her own. It was usually how it went in these sessions. With Montserrat thinking lucidly about things, her mind opened to new possibilities and...new realizations.
"I mean, I never really thought about how I felt towards Carroll. Back then, before I left Queens Homicide, I just thought Carroll was making a tough call. Not pursuing my case so that we could get this awful woman. And when I got out of there, I made my personal mission to erase everything from that place...including my old squad." Montserrat gazed down at her fingers that were picking at each other.
"Sometimes it's not about forgetting that gets you through," Weslin remarked. "You try to seal it away like it never happened. It doesn't necessarily bring closure."
"Confronting Carroll though…" Montserrat put some actual thought into the idea, now with the fact she would no doubt scream in the old woman's face, "It would be satisfying but...not the kind I'm looking for."
"How do you mean?" Weslin asked, though by the look on her face she might have already known what Montserrat would get at.
"Even if I do say everything to Carroll...I wouldn't be content...because it's not him," Montserrat particularly picked at a spot near her left hand's thumb nail. She'd already picked at it so much she'd drawn blood from it last night. "I could scream in Carroll's face, at everyone who silenced the case...but it wouldn't be enough." Her dark eyes looked up from her open thumb wound and, for a minute, displayed hard hatred. Her voice even lowered. "They're not the man who hurt me. And that's why I don't want to confront Carroll."
~ 0 ~
It really seemed like SVU couldn't catch a break this week. If it wasn't their victims, then it was their actual employees.
Montserrat tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear as she watched footage of Amanda, wearing a cap meant to shield her face from security cameras, successfully checked out a gun belonging to the culprit of their recent rape. "This cannot be real," she looked up at Nick and Fin in shock.
"It is," Nick gave the low nod of his head. "I told you that something was up with her-"
Montserrat shut the laptop in front of her. "-yeah, but I thought she was just...I don't know...having a secret relationship or something! I didn't think it was...this!"
"That makes two," Sonny walked up to her desk with a cup of coffee in hand. He'd already watched the horrible footage.
"It gets worse," Fin hated to admit. "We got her at the Brazilian couple's house two nights ago when she was out sick."
"And there's more. Rollins brought in an elimination DNA sample-"
"-okay, stop!" Montserrat waved her hands to stop both of them. The more they went, the less she recognized Amanda. "I just...Amanda wouldn't do any of this stuff just because. She has to be in trouble."
"Doesn't matter, she's doing the wrong things now," Sonny shrugged. "We're showing this to Liv and...it'll be out of our hands."
"But we have to help Amanda too, not just throw her under the bus," Montserrat's insistence was met with some kind of agreement from Fin.
Still, Sonny was right. They needed to show everything they had to Olivia and let the sergeant make the decision how to proceed.
"Hey, where is Amanda right now?" Montserrat whispered to Sonny after Nick and Fin had gone into Olivia's office.
Sonny shrugged again. "Don't know. Called in sick again. But hey, I gotta ask you something…" Montserrat raised an eyebrow at his questionable shifting. "Kara just...she said she wanted to have dinner with her brother and her parents."
Montserrat really tried her best not to laugh. Sonny had suddenly become so nervous it was...yeah, she was a terrible person.
"I gotta ask how they are…" Sonny continued on, very grateful she wasn't laughing in his face already. "I've only met Damien once and that was for a few minutes."
"He's nice and funny," she waved him off. "And Kara's parents are so nice."
"Well yeah but they might only be nice to you because you're Kara's best friend. They might not share the same sentiment towards me…"
"...because you're screwing their daughter?"
Sonny deadpanned her and yet all she did was smile. He ultimately shook his head at her and moved on. "I am a little nervous here. It's tomorrow night at your place."
"Huh, Kara didn't mention that…" Montserrat paused to think but she realized she'd shut herself up and hadn't really given Kara a chance to talk to her. "But you'll be fine, Sonny. You have a natural born talent at being...charming." She rolled her eyes at his smug smile. "Don't get any wrong ideas, Carisi."
"Oh, don't worry, I know where your feelings lie." It was now Sonny's turn to smile innocently.
Montserrat, for her part, glared but only for a minute. "Whatever. Just be yourself and I'm sure everything will be fine. Oh!" she raised a finger in the air so suddenly that Sonny's eyes widened a bit. "But if you want to be extra sweet, bring in a souffle. Kara's mom loves a good souffle. It's funny, though, because Kara sucks at baking those."
"I know where I can get some good ones," Sonny started smiling as he thought about his gesture he'd definitely bring in. "Thanks, Montse."
"Of course," she shrugged. "You know I only kid about you and Kara, right? I actually am happy you guys are together and good."
Sonny smiled at the woman. "I know, Montse."
"Okay," Montserrat leaned back in her chair with a small smile. She then glanced in the direction of Olivia's office and wondered what the sergeant's reaction would be after hearing Amanda's rogue path.
~ 0 ~
That night, when Montserrat returned home, she saw Kara zipping around the apartment in an attempt to clean up. She had her hair tied up over her head, messy as if she'd been at this cleaning for hours. Without asking, Montserrat knew Kara must have been preparing for this dinner she hadn't known about.
"Hey!" Kara sent her roommate a cheery smile. "You're back! And early too!"
"Yeah, um, strange things are happening at SVU," Montserrat left it at. She wasn't even sure what Olivia and Fin would get out of talking with Amanda tonight. The woman was, as terrible as it sounded, done. If anything, Montserrat hoped they would at least be able to help Amanda recover.
"But you look better," Kara gestured at Montserrat's appearance. She tossed the rag in her hand to the coffee table. "I'm really glad to see it."
"Everyone says the same thing." Montserrat hated this awkwardness she knew she was responsible for. She'd been so rude to Kara and now...here she was.
Kara seemed to sense the awkwardness judging by the clearing of her throat. "So listen, I haven't had the chance to tell you…" she moved around the coffee table, "I'm having dinner-"
"-with Sonny and your family," Montserrat smiled at how shocked Kara was to learn that she already knew the plans. "Yeah, Sonny told me earlier. He's pretty nervous."
"Montse, I was planning on telling you but you were having a bad day and-"
Montserrat raised a hand to stop Kara. "It's okay, Kara. You didn't have to tell me-"
"-course I did," Kara nodded. "You're my best friend. I tell you everything just like...I hope you do too." Even if she didn't mean it in an accusing tone, she felt guilty for her choice of words. Still, Montserrat let it go because, well, Kara was right. "You're more than welcome to stay for dinner. You're part of my family too."
"It's okay, Kara. I can stay at Casey's," Montserrat shrugged. "But please tell me how nervous Sonny was because then I can tease him the next day."
Kara playfully rolled her eyes. "Glad to see you're definitely back." Montserrat agreed with a nod. "And you know, you could tell me anything...like what was upsetting you? I went on a rampage trying to find the culprit-"
"-I know," Montserrat once again nodded. "And thanks for that."
"I know it's none of my business but I have to ask if it was because of Rafael…?"
Montserrat visibly shifted. "It wasn't, actually. And you know what, while we're on this subject...I'd appreciate if we didn't bring up that topic anymore."
Kara's face softened once she realized Montserrat was planning on moving on. "So then...things are really over?"
Montserrat's eyebrows raised while her expression flickered between resignation and something akin to disheartening. "I guess so." She walked past Kara, letting her bag's strap fall from her shoulders. She tossed it to the couch and started pulling her coat off.
"Montse, I'm so sorry," Kara turned after her friend. "I was so sure you two would get together, I mean...you're kind of the same."
A loud snort left Montserrat's finger as she raised a finger in the air. "I don't know, maybe that's the problem. We're too much alike."
"Still..."
"Kara we're doing that thing I asked not to do anymore," Montserrat shook her head.
"Sorry," Kara dutifully apologized. "But I am sorry things didn't work out."
"Yeah," Montserrat sighed. She looked around the apartment and saw Kara had done quite a good job so far with the cleaning. "You want some help?"
"Um…" Kara bit her lip, "It's not your dinner. Definitely not your boyfriend. You don't have to-"
"-okay, I'll take over the living room and you finish the kitchen," Montserrat grabbed the rag Kara had tossed to the couch. "We'll finish faster if we do it together. Like always."
A grin came to Kara's face. "Like always."
~ 0 ~
Amanda Rollins was a force to be reckoned with. She not only duped con artists and most of SVU, but she finished an ongoing, 2 year undercover job in the span of three days. The only problem was the fact she lied all the way through it, even to her friends.
"What was I supposed to do? I was working undercover!" the blonde detective was having a shouting match with Nick in the bullpen. The others she could argue at a normal volume, but Nick was always more easily irritable. "I couldn't go blabbing it to everyone!"
"You didn't tell anyone," Sonny pointed out only to receive a death glare in return.
"I think what Sonny and the others mean to say is we're a little upset you had to keep it from us," Montserrat spoke up for the first time after hearing the entire story. "Not to say we don't understand why, because of course we understand why. Right, fellas?" she gave each of the men a warning look to just nod their heads.
"Rollins!" Olivia suddenly called from her office. They hadn't had the chance to speak with her since Amanda arrived, but the squad knew that Olivia was informed of Amanda's doings before they did.
Amanda took in a deep breath and turned for the office.
"She is about to get it," Nick muttered as he dropped into his desk.
Montserrat shot him a glare he completely missed. She understood that Amanda had done wrong, she absolutely understood, but now it was up to them to give the proper solution. The fact was Amanda had fallen into this mess because she'd been at an illegal gambling place and yet no one seemed to be paying attention to that detail. Montserrat did. She hoped Olivia did too.
Ten minutes after Amanda had been called into the office, the door re-opened and out came the blonde detective. She had red, glossy eyes she tried to keep hidden as she came to pick up her jacket from her desk.
"Hey Amanda-" Fin tried to talk to her but the woman made a hasty way out.
"That can't be good," Sonny remarked. Nick nodded and looked after Amanda.
Montserrat suddenly got up from her chair and turned for Olivia's office.
"What are you doing?" called Nick.
"Something stupid, probably," she answered on her way. She gave a light knock on the door and poked her head inside. "Liv?"
Olivia was at her desk, staring at some papers but Montserrat knew the woman hadn't been paying attention to them. "Did you need something?"
Montserrat walked in and shut the door. "I, um...Amanda just left?"
"Uh, yeah," Olivia gave a nod. "She's done."
Montserrat blinked as the words processed in her head. "She's...what? Like...done-done?"
"Yes," Olivia nodded again. "She's done here. I'm transferring her. We can spare one."
"Wait a minute," Montserrat hurried up to the desk and sat down. "You can't do that. She needs us."
"What?" Olivia gave the detective a crazed look. "You know what she did-"
"-yes and it's exactly why you can't send her away." Montserrat sighed and scooted her chair closer to the desk. "Amanda's hit rock bottom and instead of sending her away to some precinct that won't care about her...we should help her."
Olivia's mouth opened but nothing came out. She was stunned to hear this very different perspective on the situation. "She lied. A woman was raped-"
"-and do you honestly believe Amanda could have set that up? That she could've gone through with that?" Montserrat was horrified to see Olivia having to even consider it. "Olivia! Amanda has a problem. Please...please don't turn your back on her. You've helped me how many times?"
"That is different," Olivia pointed.
"No, it's not," Montserrat said quietly. "I was undercover too."
"That was your job that you did on legal terms. Amanda was at a gambling casino because she wanted to be!"
"And she regrets that! Olivia, you know that if you send Amanda away it'll only hurt her more. She can spiral without the right support." Montserrat paused for a moment to calm down. She didn't come in to argue. She wanted to make Olivia see her point. "You have helped me countless times and I know you've helped the others too. I think Amanda deserves the same. One more chance."
Olivia opened her mouth again but the words failed her and instead she sighed. She seemed tired...and with good reason. "I...I will think about it."
"Thank you," Montserrat rose from her chair. She walked out of the office and went straight to her desk.
"What did you do in there?" Sonny asked her as soon as she sat down.
"Just talked," the ginger smiled like nothing had happened.
By lunch time, Montserrat was confident Olivia had re-thought the whole transfer process. The Sergeant seemed to be in a better mood that would hopefully stay for when she spoke to Amanda again.
"I'm going out for lunch," Montserrat announced to the rest. "Anyone wanna join?"
"No thanks," Nick answered first, not even looking up from his screen. Fin said the same thing but at least he looked up to shake his head.
"Pass too," Sonny said last.
"Right, you'll be eating light for dinner tonight," she flashed him a smirk while she put her coat on. She grabbed her things and went on her way.
She made it into the elevator and down with ease. It was on her way out of the building that she came into some trouble...or perhaps not trouble just...annoyance.
"Montserrat," called Jonah from the sidewalk.
For a brief moment, Montserrat considered turning around and walking back into the precinct. She could do take out from her desk, after all. But, if she did that, then she wouldn't be able to say a couple things she thought of. "Haven't seen you in a few days," she remarked as she came down the final step of the precinct.
"Yeah, I, um...was giving you some space, to be honest," Jonah put his hands into his coat. "I'm sorry for demanding things from you. I'm just fed up with all this secrecy. First you leave us and then Carroll too? C'mon."
Montserrat's eyebrows knitted together as she tried to decide if this was an apology or the beginning of another demand. While she was stuck listening to Jonah, she missed the familiar figure walking towards the precinct.
Rafael recognized Jonah immediately. A wave of anger hit him first since he knew, in his mind was sure, that Jonah was responsible for Montserrat's recent mood. And then concern washed over. Concern that whatever Jonah said to Montserrat would make her fall back again. He had half a mind to go over there and take her away...but if he did that, Montserrat would surely kill him. But the closer he got, the more he could see her face and it honestly looked like she was going to be killing Jonah instead.
Nothing wrong with that, he thought then realized he actually thought that.
"I'm glad you came back, Jonah," Montserrat said honestly, "Because it gives me the chance to tell you something." Jonah looked expectant of her words so she delivered them without hesitation. "I don't owe you anything," she began and already surprised the man with her choice of words. "You were a great partner and the entire Queens squad was like a family to me, but not everything is what it seems over there. I don't regret leaving it and I definitely don't feel sorry that Carroll retired early."
Jonah was stunned. Very quickly his face turned into outrage and offense. "How can you say that!?"
"Very easily, actually," Montserrat said with a small smile. "Because I know that I am right. You don't know what happened and you never will. But hopefully without Carroll, your squad will be the best it could be."
"Montserrat...where is this coming from?" Jonah looked her over as if he wasn't seeing the same detective anymore.
"From my experience," Montserrat said loud and clear. She stepped closer to him, getting right in his face, "Watch your back."
"Is that a threat?"
"No. Just something else I say from experience," she offered the man a small, polite, smile before stepping away. "Goodbye, Jonah." In that moment, she could not have felt more satisfied with herself.
It seemed like the same applied to Rafael. He knew that smug face anywhere. When Montserrat saw him, her smugness faltered but not by much.
"You seem to be in a good mood," he remarked.
"Am I?" she pretended to be casual but her widened smile betrayed her.
"What did you say to the poor man?" Rafael caught Jonah's figure heading down the opposite street. "Not that I feel sorry for him."
"Just the truth," Montserrat shrugged. "Actually, you kind of inspired me to do it."
"Oh, then I'm definitely not sorry for him."
Montserrat laughed. "Remember that thing you told me way back when I first started working here? No one being entitled to my secrets? You're still right about it."
As curious as he was to know what Montserrat was keeping back, Rafael wouldn't ask her. She seemed better this way and he wasn't going to ruin it. "I'm glad."
"That you're right?" Montserrat chuckled.
"No-"
"-just kidding! So, were you going in?" she made a nod at the precinct behind them.
"Yeah. Were you leaving?"
"For lunch. I'll be back later. Might get something completely barbecued."
Rafael's face scrunched at her. "That's blasphemy. Your tastes are…" he shook his head at her.
"I'll be sure to bring some back for you."
"Don't you dare," he said all too quickly.
Montserrat mirthlessly laughed at him. Oh yeah, she was back. Rafael definitely liked seeing her this way instead...even if it was her laughing at him.
"I'll see you later," he said after it started getting old. He moved around her but only a few steps away, she called him again. He turned sideways just as she walked up to him, looking more serious now.
"Thanks for talking to me the other day," she bit her lower lip as if things were suddenly nerve-wrecking. "For what you said. It was the reason I came back to work." She gently reached for one of his hands.
There was something in Rafael's chest that he couldn't make out. Seeing her open and...soft. Yes, he definitely wanted to hug her. My God are you 17? he berated himself. "I…" he had to clear his throat in order to speak normally, "...I'm glad I could help."
Montserrat leaned forwards and pressed a kiss to his cheek. She pulled away with a smile that widened when she saw his shocked face. "See you later."
"Mhm," was all that came out of his mouth. You are definitely 17. He watched her leave like he was frozen to his spot.
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ashantesstuff · 5 years
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Two Sides of A Coin (Detroit: Become Human Fanfiction)
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A/N: Previously had posted this on my other account @sadnesstastessweet but decided to move it here instead. Hope you enjoy it :)
Summary: Emelia has joined Hank and Connor to discover why Detroit's androids are becoming deviants. During the mission, Emelia is finding herself having to put aside her resentment for androids, to work peacefully with Connor. She is also discovering more about her family and more about Connor. How far will they get to uncover Cyberlife's secrets? How far will Connor get before he reaches his breaking point?
Chapter One: Compatibility
Mum? Dad? Anyone?! Smoke was filling up in her room fast. She was frozen in place on her bed for a moment, unsure of what to do as she was shocked and afraid that with opening the door, she would be faced with the burning flames behind it. “Emelia!” a voice snapped her back from her frozen state, and she ran to the door yelling.
“I’m in here! Please help!” she began violently coughing. The smoke was growing thicker now, and she was struggling to breathe. All she wanted was to see her parents and know that everything would be alright…
Buzz! Buzz! Buzz! Her phone blared and without opening her eyes, she searched for it and switched it off. She rose from the bed, curls in a frizzy mess and signs of little sleep evident under her eyes. She let out an exaggerated yawn as she stretched, before getting up to open the curtains to the sight of heavy rain and with the city lights illuminating in the darkness. “Goodnight, Detroit.” She said in a sarcastic tone. Turning the news on, she headed for the bathroom to get ready for work, as there was nobody else that would call her at such a time.
“Breaking News! Detroit City Police Department has discovered a body at a residence on Pine Street,” Emelia entered her bedroom, toothbrush in hand, watching the news. “The victim is said to be Carlos Ortiz, there has been no further information other than he is thought to be killed by his android that is missing.” Emelia let out a frustrated growl and throwing her head back in a dramatic act to show her annoyance.
Emelia had a hatred for Androids and hearing that Cyberlife was having issues with their robot toys and that the DCPD was involved in it, made her want to rethink her job for once. She felt a storm brewing and knew that the paperwork would be loaded for this case with one of the world biggest companies. As if on cue, her phone rang. She quickly finished getting ready, tying her long curls into a ponytail and putting on a plain white shirt and ankle-length black trousers. Before the last ring, she ran to her phone answering, “Hello?” Even though it came out as a question she knew what was going to be said.
“Dammit! How long does it take to answer a God damn phone?” she rolled her eyes. Fowler sounded aggressive, as per usual. Emelia knew that it probably had something to do with Hank or Cyberlife…most likely both. “I need to you at the scene ASAP for a briefing and to get straight to work. If you’ve seen the news, you know that we’ve got another android situation.” The moment she saw it on the news, she had a feeling that the department would put her on the case.
Emelia was staring out, watching the rain fall heavily and the sky look so gloomy. She had a strange feeling in her gut about this...and that was rare for her. “Who am I taking the case with?” She was quite well suited to take it by herself. She was one of the best on the force, despite being 25 years of age, as she was one of the few dedicated to her job and the department needed as many hands as possible.
After hearing the question, Fowler let out a deep sigh that sounded like he had something to say that she wouldn’t be pleased with. “No, you’ll be taking the case with Hank, who I’ve been struggling to contact, and somebody else” No surprise there, Emelia thought to herself. “The rest will be explained to you by Collins.” And with that, he ended the call. Emelia stared at the phone for a few moments, before rolling eyes and grabbing her things to leave.
The drive to Ortiz’s house was short and Emelia was surprised to find Hank’s car, already parked outside, after trying to find him for the last 20 minutes. Emelia walked past the press, barely acknowledging them and went inside to immediately be greeted by Collins. “Hey, nice to see you could make it.” He smiled and you gave him a slight nod.
“So, what do we have here?” Emelia walked up to body crouching and trying to hold the urge to gag. She didn’t freak out at the sight of bodies but the smell they made when decomposing, always made her rethink her department…sometimes. “Shit! Smells like he’s been dead for months.” Immediately after, she got up preferring to keep a distance, even though the stench was engulfing the whole house.
“Actually, the victim had been dead for less than 3 weeks. Assumed time of death is October 17th at 11:30 pm.” Emelia rolled her eyes. Nobody asked for a smart mouth. She turned and was about to sarcastically thank the asshole until she got a good look at who he was. Or rather what it was. It smiled at her and extended its hand. “Hello, my name is Connor. I’m the android sent by-“
“What the fuck?!” She didn’t give it time to finish, before yelling out. It had been a hot topic around the station about when androids were taking over police roles and Emelia always thought that the day would never come and if it would she was hoping to be long dead. Now she was stood face to face with oddly realistic piece metal smiling at her.
She heard a low chuckle come from behind the android. “Ha! I knew you would react like that,” Hank began laughing harder as Emelia was still processing the situation. “Em, meet our new partner from Cyberlife. He’s here only to help out with our android problem…hopefully.” Hank explained after he was able to compose himself. Emelia looked at Hank then back at the android to Hank again; she folded her arms and shook her head.
“Let’s get this shit over with,” her anger was heavily implied in her tone. “I’m going to be needing a word with Fowler when we’re done with this case.” And with that, she glared at the android and began searching for evidence.
They looked around for at least an hour, uncovering nothing new about Ortiz’s android’s whereabouts. Everything that thing said about what occurred, could’ve been done by a junior detective and Emelia was growing more and more impatient, the longer she stood in the room with it. “Hey! Hey! Hey! What are you doin' with that chair?” Emelia headed back to the kitchen to see what Hank was fussing about.
As she walked in, she saw the ‘detective’ android carrying a chair heading straight for the door for the attic. “I'm going to check something,” It said with wonder. Androids replicating human behaviour always made Emelia chill. They had so much realism to them that sometimes it was hard for her to remember that they weren’t living beings.
Emelia followed the android to the attic. It had effortlessly been able to get up and reached out its hand for Emelia to climb up. Reluctantly, she took it and she began to feel the hairs stand up at the back of her neck after feeling the warmth in its hand. The attic was dark and creepy. There was junk everywhere that made the house look even more like a horror show which was seamlessly fitting with the gloomy atmosphere.
As they both manoeuvred through the crap, they heard rustling from the back of the attic. The android quickly stood in front of Emelia like it was protecting her as if she didn’t have a gun ready. Suddenly, Ortiz’s android ran up to them clearly in distress. Emelia was about to grab her gun “Wait! We need it alive.” She glared at it before looking back at the android in front of her.
She sighed at turned back to let the others know. “Hank! We’ve got it.” She shouted down and heard him gathering up the other officers. Emelia sat down near the attic door and let her legs dangle. She looked back at the two androids and mixture of disgust and fascination written on her face. She still couldn’t get over the realism of the two androids and she couldn’t get over this feeling that she had seen Connor somewhere before.
The journey to the police station, though short, felt like forever. Having the android, ‘Connor’, sat behind her sent shivers down her spine and what made everything worse is that not long after finding Ortiz’s android, she started to experience hot flushes and intense migraines. Something about that android seemed off and the more she thought about it the more her head hurt and she kept thinking about the events of that night her parents died. “Looks like we’re finally here.” Hank sighed, breaking Emelia out of her thoughts. She hated thinking about her parents. She hated thinking about that little girl she was.
They all piled out of the car, giving nods and polite gestures to the familiar faces surrounding them, before heading to the interrogation room. “So, the old man has himself an android.” The sound of Gavin’s voice made Emelia want to punch a wall. She hated androids, yes, but her hatred for Gavin was much stronger. They had dated. Briefly. It wasn’t until Gavin had tried to worm his way into her bed that she decided to break it off. Emelia still had a hard time with getting close to people and Gavin just didn’t seem to understand that, or rather, he chose to ignore it.
Emelia pushed past him to get ready to watch the interrogation from the observation room. She didn’t so much as glance at him because the last thing she needed to see was his constantly smug grin. “Shut the fuck up, Reed.” She mumbled as she took a seat, watching as Hank went in to question the android. Despite all the space in the room, Gavin was still able to find himself a spot right next to Emelia to the point that she could feel his body heat radiating off him. The “Connor” android was stood further away behind watching the interview with intense concentration. She thought the thing was probably recording the interview of something or overanalysing the body language of the other android or Hank.
Regardless of all the questions, Hank was giving the thing, it didn’t even so much as flinch. It felt like they weren’t getting anyway with the investigation and that was making Emelia grumpier. Her deep browns grew tired with every passing second and she began slowly rocking back and forth in patiently. “Why d'you kill him? What happened before you took that knife? How long were ya in the attic? Why didn't you even try to run away?” Hank’s anger and frustration were rising, and Emelia couldn’t blame him. “Say something, goddamnit! Fuck it, I'm outta here...” and with that he stormed out, coming into the observation room a few seconds later.
Emelia leaned back in her chair arms crossed as she watched Hank visibly pissed. It felt like Cyberlife was giving them a pointless job that they shouldn’t be figuring out on their own since it was their precious toys. “'Could always try roughing it up a little. After all, it's not human...” Gavin suggested, and Emelia rolled her eyes looking at him as if he was an idiot…which he was.
In unison, the “detective” android and Emelia said together “androids don’t feel pain.” She glanced at the android already finding him looking back at her with a small smile. She looked away and continued staring at Ortiz’s android across of her, not so much as to smile. “So, what’s the plan? It’s late and I want to sleep.” She said to nobody in particular.
“I could try questioning it.” Everyone turned to thing in surprise. Gavin scoffed and Hank frowned. Emelia felt a mixture of amusement and shock at the suggestion. She couldn’t imagine what the android would do that Hank couldn’t, but they weren’t getting anyway so it didn’t seem like a completely bad idea.
After the few moments of silence, Hank finally said “What do we have to lose? Go ahead, the suspect's all yours.” She couldn’t believe that he would agree to hand over this job to a fucking android. Emelia could see that Hank was warming up to the android and the shocked and confused her more than anything.
Only five minutes had passed, and Emelia was shocked that the detective android was able to get a confession out of the other. “He tortured me every day... I did whatever he told me, but there was always something wrong...” The fell unusually silent. It was like everybody was holding their breath, even Emelia was leaning over listening to what Ortiz’s android had to say. She found it strange how the android was able to mimic so much emotion. “For the first time, I felt scared... Scared he might destroy me, scared I might die...” Fear? She couldn’t believe that she was hearing this. Turning, she even saw a look of surprise on Hank’s face.
After getting the full confession, the RK800 got up to leave looking solemn and sympathetic at the other android. “I’m not gonna lie,” Emelia began. “I didn’t think the thing would actually get the android to speak.” She was stood up now, clearly ready to go home after spending a few hours working with and against androids. She watched as the RK800 was about to leave but her attention was then on Ortiz’s android that was banging its head against the interrogation table.
“What the fuck is it doing?” Gavin spat. Everybody rushed into the interrogation room, but they were all frozen in place at the door, unsure of what to do. Chris moved to try and stop it, but he was up against scrap metal and was forced back by the android. With one last slam against the table, the android was “dead”. “Well, that was something…Chris, you alright?” Chris nodded, getting up and rubbing the back of his head.
Emelia turned to the RK800 which was just staring at the android’s body with a readable expression. “Well, we were able to get the confession so guess that’s that,” Emelia said turning to leave the room and finally continue that nap. The whole ordeal made her a bit hungry as well.
As she was leaving, she heard Hank speaking to the RK800. “You alright, Connor?” the question shocked her. With all the ranting about how much he hated androids, she was surprised to see him show so kind of emotion other than aggression towards the RK800.
“I’m fine, Lieutenant” he replied with confusion. “I just wished it ended differently.”
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The Bake Sale
Carlos' phone went off just as he got into his car. He knew from the ringtone exactly who it was, and he smiles as he answers.
"Hello beautiful."
"You have a job to do when you get home." Cecil says, sounding frustrated.
"Oh?" Carlos purrs, switching his phone to his left ear as he dug in his pocket for his keys. He unlocks the door and slides intobthe driver's seat, pulling the door shut. "Is this the kind of job where I do that thing with my tongue to drive you crazy? Or I could-"
"Brownies." Came the blunt reply.
"Carlos this is no time to mess around. The bake sale is this weekend and I refuse to take second place to Steve Carlsburg again for the third year in a row."
Carlos chokes on a laugh. "Excuse me?"
Carlos could picture Cecil at this point, waving his hands in annoyance and ranting at the countertop. He smiles again.
"I can hear you smiling. This is no laughing matter! This is serious Carlos!"
There was a clatter and then a few curse words that Cecil had picked up from Carlos over the years.
"I do love it when you talk dirty." Carlos teases.
"Carlos!" Cecil snapped.
"Okay. Okay I'll help you."
There was a pause and then Cecil's voice returns, quieter and meeker now.
"Thank you."
"I love you, you dork. I'll see you soon."
-
The drive home was fairly short and Carlos knew exactly what he wanted to make. He slips his shoes off by the door and hangs his keys up on the hook before making his way to the kitchen to find his exasperated husband sitting cross legged on the island in the middle of the kitchen.
"You're home!"
"And your ass is on the cooking space. Get down." Carlos scolds, crossing the room and kissing him chastely.
"You didn't mind me being up here last week." Cecil retorts as Carlos pulls him by the beltloops to the edge of the counter to kiss him once more before he took a step back
"I can't make an award winning desert with you up there." Is Carlos' answer as he sheds his jacket and starts to wash his hands.
Cecil follows, pulling his hair back. "What are we making?"
Carlos looks over his shoulder. "We're making my mama's brownies."
Cecil's face lights up in awe. "There's no way Steve can beat that!"
"Exactly." Carlos nods as he dries his hands. "Lets get started, shall we?"
Cecil nods and bounces on the balls of his feet, waiting for instruction.
"Preheat the oven to 350 and then get the eggs, butter, and chocolate." Carlos instructs, pulling the baking dish out and lining it before moving to the spice cabinet and pulling down both white and brown sugar, cayenee pepper, cinnamon, coca powder, vanilla extract, and flour. He then gets the can of coffee beans, Cecil never drank his coffee black so they had plenty, and deposited them all into the counter. He measures out the butter and chocolate needed and puts them in a bowl, handing it to Cecil. "Melt these please."
Cecil takes the bowl and puts it in thr microwave for a minute and a half, turning to watch Carlos sift together the flour, coca, cinnamon and cayenne. The look of concentration and determination was beautiful. Carlos sets the bowl aside and grabs another, looking up at Cecil with a grin. The microwave beeping startled Cecil so much he nearly fell, causing him to look away. He brings back the melted butter and chocolate, handing it over. Carlos takes it and pours the mixture into another bowl and adds the sugars and orange zest and finally the coffee.
"Eggs." He says, glancing up. "Fours please. One at a time." He instructs.
Cecil complies, cracking and adding the eggs with equal pauses between. Once the eggs were mixed in, Carlos stops and adds the dry ingredients and the vanilla extract. He then picks up the wisk and mixs some more. Finally he stops and dips his finger into the batter.
"What do you think?"
Cecil leans forward and takes Carlos' hand, pulling the finger into his mouth. The blonde's pupils dilated a little as he does so and Carlos just smirks. That is, until Cecil bites him.
"Why you little-"
"I think it needs more vanilla." Cecil interrupts.
Carlos hands over the bottle. "Be my guest."
Cecil takes it and bites his bottom lip as he pours. Once satisfied, he caps the bottle and nods in satisfaction. Carlos stirs again and tries it.
"Perfect." He muses, turning and pouring the batter into the waiting pan before sliding it into the oven and starting the timer. He puts the supplies back where they belong and the dishes in the sink to be washed later before making his way back to Cecil, who was standing near the stove. He pulls Cecil close and spins him around so he's pressed against the counter. The taller man let out a squeak of suprise, but it's quieted by Carlos' deep kiss. Cecil sinks into the kiss, bringing his arms up around Carlos' neck as he's lifted up onto the counter.
"My ass is on the cooking space again." Cecil whispers with a shudder and Carlos drags his tongue up the artist's neck, teasing his ear before gently biting him. Violet eyes once closed snap open as he's dragged forward once more. His legs automatically wrap around Carlos' waist as his back is pressed against the cool marble.
"Not anymore." Came the reply.
"Shut up and kiss me."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
CARLOS' BROWNIES!!!
Yield: Makes 18 rich and super fudgy brownies
Ingredients:
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• ¼ cup cocoa powder
• 1 ¾ teaspoon ground cinnamon
• ½ teaspoon salt
• ¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper (you can use 1/8 teaspoon for a little less “heat”, if you’re not sure)
• 1 cup unsalted butter
• 12 ounces bittersweet chocolate chips (I use Ghirardelli brand 60% cocoa chips)
• 1 ¼ cup granulated sugar
• ½ cup, packed, brown sugar
• 1 teaspoon instant espresso coffee granules (I use Medaglia D’Oro brand)
• 4 eggs, room temperature
• 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
• ¼ teaspoon orange zest
-Preheat your oven to 350°, and line a 11 x 7 x 1 ½” glass baking dish with enough foil so that there is a slight overhang (for easier removal), and lightly mist with cooking spray; place the prepared baking dish on a parchment-lined baking sheet. (You can use a 9 x 13 pan, too; just know that the brownies will be slightly thinner, and you will need to adjust the baking time to about 25-35 minutes.)
-Sift together the flour, cocoa powder, cinnamon, salt, and cayenne pepper, and set aside these dry ingredients.
-Place the butter and the chocolate into a small to medium-size glass bowl, and place the bowl over a pot of very gently simmering water (double-boiler method); allow the butter and chocolate to melt together, stirring occasionally to blend.
-Once the butter and chocolate is melted, carefully pour it into another large bowl, scraping ever last bit of it out, and allow it to cool slightly for about 5-10 minutes.
-Next, add both of the sugars, plus the instant espresso coffee granules, into the melted butter/chocolate mixture, and using a whisk, gently whisk those in until well blended.
-Add one egg at a time into the mixture, gently whisking until it is blended in; add in the vanilla and the orange zest, and whisk those in.
-Next, add the dry ingredients into the mixture, and gently whisk those in until they are incorporated, taking care not to over-mix.
-Pour the batter into your prepared pan, and bake for about 55 minutes, or just until a toothpick inserted comes out fairly clean (it’s not quite the same doing a “toothpick test” on fudgy brownies as it is a cake—you still may get a little batter, but it shouldn’t be too wet.)
-Allow to cool in baking dish for about 10 minutes, and then using the overhanging foil, lift the brownies out and allow them to completely cool and set (which can take 3-5 hours!) before cutting.
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classic-rock-roller · 5 years
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1. In an interview with your band, the interviewer asks when you first got into music. Bonham answers, “I dunno about music, but I’ve always been very auditory. I remember when I was three I could tell which of my parents would be coming in the door by the different sounds of their keys.” What does the interviewer say, and how do you, Sean, Erik, and Linus respond?
I already knew this so I’m not surprised. 
Sean: Whoa neat! 
Linus: Is that why you and BabyCarrot can pick out instruments so well?
Erik: That’s why you can differentiate who comes to your and BabyCarrot’s door?
Interviewer: That’s interesting. Could you tell me more about that?
2. You get a call one day from CBS. The producer tells you that they’re doing a new season of celebrity big brother, but this one is exclusive to musicians. the contestants will be (if they accept) Crue, Kevin, Rudy, Carlos, Frankie, Tom, DLR, Jon Bon Jovi, Axl, Duff, Bonham, Sean, and you. Do you accept the invite? How does the show go? Who is the first one out? Who is the last one standing?
I don’t get the show but I join anyway. It’s fun although David is out first (he wouldn’t last let's be serious here) Everyone thinks that it’ll be a stalemate between Kevin and Tom but Vince surprises everyone and swoops in and is the last one standing. 
3. Your band, QR, and Cinderella are all participating in a photo shoot together. You’re all given a uniform of a baseball cap, a sports t-shirt, gym shorts, knee socks, and running shoes. You’re all placed in an open, sunny field next to a large bucket of water balloons. The photographer tells you, “This bucket is full of water balloons; 75% are regular water, the other 25% are full of kool-aid. Have at it, and we’ll take photos.” How does the shoot go? Who gets hit with the first kool-aid balloon? What do you all have to say when the shoot is over?
Kevin: You don’t have to ask me twice. 
He takes a water balloon and chucks it at Tom, of course, it’s a kool-aid balloon and it hits him right in the face. 
Tom: Oh, you’re dead. 
We all have fun and at the end, I go up to Tom and wrap my arms around him before kissing him. 
Me: You taste sweet. 
Tom: I’m only sweet for you. 
Carlos: Yeah! Get some! 
Rudy: Carlos stop. 
Frankie isn’t paying attention. 
Eric: Whoo! You’re getting some tonight, Tommy! 
Jeff: Don’t let us stop you! 
Fred just shakes his head 
Bons: Get a room! You’re burning the young one's eyes. 
Before she covers Sean’s eyes.
Erik and Linus: Yeah! 
Sean: I am not a child!
4. You and Bonham and Randy and Kevin are at McDonald’s one day when Randy asks if you’ve heard of the latest internet challenge. “What is it?” Kevin asks. “You get 20 chicken McNuggets and you have to eat them all in 20 minutes.” “What? I can do that in my sleep.” Bonham says. “Oh yeah? Put up or shut up.” Kevin says. Bonham takes the challenge, and she succeeds. Do any of the rest of you take it? What do you all say when she finishes?
I don’t but Randy and Kevin do. 
Kevin: That was easier than I thought it’d be. 
Me: It’s not hard my sister used to eat twenty in like five minutes.
Randy: How?! 
5. There’s a new QR interview video coming out today, and you are going to watch it with Tom after you get home from work. You ask Bonham if she wants to watch it with you and she just says, “No. I’d rather not relive it.” You’re confused, but you don’t bug her. When you get home you see Kevin’s car in your driveway, and he comes out to meet you. “Can you please let me in to talk to Bonham? She won’t let me in.” You say, “Just go inside, Tom would let you in.” “No he wouldn’t, he said to me and I quote, ‘Bonham’s pretty pissed so for your own sake I think you should just go home. Sorry man.’ I just want in!” You let him in the house, and he immediately tries Bonham’s door which is locked. “Come on, let me in! I just want to talk to you!” “No! I told you that in confidence and you ratted me out to the whole world! Go home!”  He goes downstairs and you finally ask him, “Why is she so mad at you?” He just kinda sighs and says, “Just watch the interview, it’ll save us all some time.” What did he say to ‘rat her out to the whole world?’ What do you and Tom say after you’ve seen the interview? Do you tell Kevin to go home or try to help him?
He talks about really intimate parts of their relationship, some of which she only shared with me and Tom didn’t even know. 
Me: Kevin, I thought you learned not to share intimate details about your sex life after you dated me. I’m not helping you, Kevin, you should have learned your lesson before. Go home and let her cool off. 
Tom: Yeah dude, that’s shitty. I don’t even share Am and my sex life with other people. Let her cool off and try coming ‘round in a couple days maybe. 
6. You and Tom and Kevin and Bonham are all in the car for a road trip. You’ve all cycled through driving shifts, so it’s ended up that you and Kevin are in the back, Tom is driving, and Bonham’s in shotgun. You and Bonham are sleeping, Kevin’s kinda zoned out, and Tom’s driving. At one point he stops at a fast food place to get some food. You’ve woken up, and Kevin’s zoning back in, but Bonham’s still sleeping. Tom gives her half a shake and tells her to wake up. She doesn’t. Kevin leans forward between the seats and says, “Unbuckle the belt. BabyCarrot go open her door.” You do, and he pushes her out. She hits the pavement pretty hard, groans, but doesn’t wake up. What do you say? How do Kevin and Tom react?
Me: Kevin! My god! 
I check to make sure she’s ok and then I pull her up and start talking to her. I then scream, “Danny is here!” Which jolts her awake. 
Bons: Where?!
Kevin: Oh, so you wake up for that. 
Tom is laughing because he thinks it’s hilarious. 
7. You are getting on the bus with the rest of your band, and Bonham and Sean are talking. You don’t hear the whole conversation, but you hear Bonham tell him, “I alternate between moods of “I’m more than just a pair of tits” and “Which shirt will make my boobs look best?” Sean responds with “Yeah man I totally agree.” How do you respond?
Sean, you don’t have boobs so don’t talk. I used to never go through that because no matter what I wore I looked like a stripper. Now I kind of don’t give a fuck.
8. Bonham was joining the staff of her old high school marching band for a day, and it’s band camp. You and Kevin and Tom decide to visit her. You arrive as they’re on the field, and she’s just finished doing the stretching and running warm ups with them. You guys walk up as she’s getting some water, and it’s really hot, so she chugs it. Some starts running down her face but she doesn’t seem to care, and when she’s done she takes a big gasp of air. “Jeez, thirsty much?” Tom says. Kevin gets a shit-eating grin on his face and says, “Oh, she’s always thirsty…” How do you and Tom respond? Do any of the kids in the band hear? What does Bonham say?
Me: *gag* Kevin! Knock it off, I don’t need to know if she’s not a quitter.
Tom: Seriously Kevin? There are teenagers present. 
Bons goes bright red and goes under her breath, “Kevin!” 
Some of the students have heard and a lot of the guys are snickering and pointing at us. 
9. Kevin and Randy are over one day with you and Bonham. Randy is outside on the phone, you’re digging in the fridge for a drink, and Bonham and Kevin are talking about childhood on the couch. Kevin asks if Bonham was getting paid for gigs at 12, and she tells him no. “WHat? If you weren’t then what were you doing?” “I was playing Minecraft, learning how to jerk off and catfishing pedophiles, like a normal 12 year old.” Randy walks in just as she says this, and you hear it from the kitchen. How do you, Kevin, and Randy respond?
Kevin: Cool man, we share something in common. Well, except for the catfishing part. 
Randy: What did I just walk in to? 
Me: At least you weren’t policing your drunk ass family at weddings. 
10. You’re helping Bonham and Kevin move some furniture around in their house, and Kevin soon comes out of the bedroom asking, “Why is there a twin sized blanket that’s thinner than my patience on our king sized bed?” Bonham doesn’t look up and says, “Because my grandma gave it to me and I’ll die before I get rid of it.” How does Kevin respond? What do you say?
“You have those too? I can never bear to get rid of any of the blankets my great grandmother crocheted for me. You can always save it for when you guys have a little one.”
This causes Kevin to choke on his water and Bons to grow red. 
11. You and Bonham are going to do Guest Grumps for the first time since you got with Tom. You’ve both barely walked in and greeted Arin and Danny when Kevin suddenly comes bursting in, “Hey babe you forgot your coat in my car and it’s supposed to rain later.” Danny says, “But that’s Bonham’s jacket,” just as Kevin hands it to her and she says, “Oh thanks, that’s so thoughtful.” She gives him a kiss before saying, “You should get to work before Frankie yells at you.” He gives her another kiss before saying, “Yeah I know.” He gives Arin and Danny a quick wave and says, “It was good to see you guys again.” before walking out. Arin and Danny are standing in stunned silence, both with this type of look on their faces :O. They look at each other, then at you, then they explode into a million questions. What are they asking whom? How does Bonham answer? How do you answer? What do they say?
They both go: “Wait, what? When did that change? Is he fucking both of you now? Are you in a poly relationship? Who are you with now BabyCarrot?”
Danny: I’m so confused.
Me: No, we’re not in a poly relationship. Kevin and I broke up about five months ago. I’ve been dating Tom Keifer ever since. 
Bons: Yeah, and Kevin and I have been dating for about a month of two. 
Danny: Do we get to meet this Tom?
Arin: Yeah, is he going to pop the question?  
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1) You, your singer, Kevin, and Tom are on a road trip and you break down in the middle of the desert. You’re sitting waiting for triple-A and Kevin starts to complain and it turns into him and Tom arguing. Finally, your singer just screams, “I hope the serial killer comes out of the desert and takes me out of this misery because I can’t stand to listen to the two of you fight anymore.” How do you, Tom, and Kevin respond?
2) Your singer has broken up with Tom and she’s been locked in her room ever since besides to leave for work and to eat. Tom has been calling her but she won’t answer. Finally, he comes to the door and gives you a tape, “Please play this for her.”  The tape says ‘Don’t Know What You Got (Till It’s gone)’. You play it for her and you can hear the anguish in his voice you both can clearly tell it was written for her. How do the two of you respond and what does she do when Tom comes to the door again? 
3) Mal is only a couple of weeks old and you are over helping Kevin and your singer take care of him one day. You pass the nursery and see Kevin standing in the doorway. You come up next to him and find your singer holding baby Mal and quietly singing to him Sweet Child O Mine. Kevin has this dopey smile on his face. What does he say to you and how do you respond, what does your singer say once she notices the two of you?
4) You’re sitting with your singer, Tom and your singer’s friend Ash at the recording studio. Ash and Tom are listening to you and your singer record some lyrics for your new album when Ash says, “That song is about sex.” Your singer says into the microphone, “If you try hard enough all songs are about sex.” How do you, Tom, and Ash respond?
5) You are at a party with these cute guys named Kevin and Randy. You, Kevin, and Randy are talking and your singer is over playing Pong. She’s getting aggravated at losing and Kevin is watching her. All of a sudden he says, “You don’t marry the prettiest girl at the party. You marry the one whose yelling at the beer pong table because she’s losing. That girl is going to raise winners and you want your kids to be winners.” How do you and Randy respond?
6) You're over at your singer and Tom’s house and your singer is sleeping on the couch with her head in your lap. You’re watching tv when all of a sudden you hear your singer scream, “TOM!!!!” And then fall off the couch. She apparently screamed his name in her sleep and woke herself up falling off the couch. Tom comes running into the room with a baseball bat and is going, “What? What?” How do you and your singer respond and what does he say?
7) You and your singer are on a Power Hour with Danny and Arin and you somehow get on the subject of strip clubs. Your singer goes, “Oh yeah, I’ve been to strip clubs.” Arin goes, “Wait, YOU’VE gone to a strip club?!” and Danny goes, “When did you go to strip clubs?” You singer sits back and goes, “Back in college, I used to go with my roommate. Although she only likes the ones where the girls get to be topless.” She flashes you guys and the camera a smirk. How do you, Danny, and Arin respond?
8) Your singer has this jacket that she wears onstage. She’s had it since she was a teenager and it’s covered in band patches that she’s purchased over the years. Kevin thinks he’s being helpful to her and he tries to wash it. When he does this, the washer and dryer completely eat it. You’re with him when he pulls it out and he goes, “Oh my god she’s going to kill me.” How do you respond and what does your singer say once she sees her “lucky jacket”? 
9) You and your singer are rudely awoken one morning by your college dorm’s fire alarm. You both put on shoes and trudge outside. Your singer is standing next to your neighbor Nikki and a few yards away is Tommy. He was in the shower when the alarm went off so he’s only in a towel. Your singer is checking him out while waiting to be let back in and Nikki goes, “Don’t you have a boyfriend?” Your singer says back, “Doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy a fine ass man.” How do you and Nikki respond and what does Tommy say (if he heard her)?
10) Kevin comes barging into your and Rudy’s house after Tom and your singer announced their engagement (in the same magazine as QR’s interview no less) and is ranting and raving about how he can’t believe this and that. Tom looks like he’s about to punch Kevin. Your singer stands up, squares her shoulders and goes, “Kevin, I love you but you’re full of yourself and an asshole at times. Why do you think I’m engaged to Tom? He’s nothing like you. He didn’t put me through hell and beat me when he was high and drunk.” Your singer grabs her bag and hugs you, “I’ll see you for lunch tomorrow. See ya, Rudy.” How does Kevin respond and what do Tom, you and Rudy say?
11) Cassie loves Frozen and while at Disney she sees that they have a musical. She runs up to your singer and Tom and goes, “Can we go watch it? Please?” Tom goes, “It’s in air conditioning, sure.” Kevin rolls his eyes and says, “Am I seriously going to watch a musical right now?”  Cassie stands in front of him and gives him big puppy dog eyes, “Please Uncle Kevin?” You see Kevin visibly soften (he can never say no to his goddaughter). How does Kevin respond and what do you, your singer and Tom say? 
12) While at Disney all Kevin wants is a turkey leg, one time you’re walking and he goes, “I only came to get a turkey leg. Where are the turkey legs?” He looks around before pointing out a guy across the walkway, “That guy has a turkey leg.” He starts to go after him, “Sir, where did you get the turkey leg, Sir?” How do you, your singer, Tom, Cassie, and Sam respond?
13) You are hanging out with your singer and her friends. They’re all getting ready to go to a party while you and your singer are going to the studio to work on more tracks for your next album. They ask your singer to stand on the couch to get a picture. She looks behind her at the window and goes jokingly, “Can I fall out the window, please?” Before tipping herself back a bit. How do her four friends respond and what do you do? 
14) Your singer and Tom have had their third kid and you go to see them, bringing Cassie and Sam in tow. Your singer smiles at you and goes, “Meet Christie Lee Keifer.” Kevin goes, “Wait, did you seriously name your daughter after a Billy Joel song?” Tom answers, “Yes, do you have a problem with that?” How does Kevin respond and what do you say when your singer hands you the baby, what do Cassie and Sam do?
@osbournebemydaddy   your turn Bons :)
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brightwoodhq · 2 years
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Brightwood Academy welcomes Guardian student FELIX ZEPHYR ! We are pleased to have you, and are looking forward assisting on your journey to find your Guardian. Remember, you will have 24 hours to submit your blog, or your role will be reopened.
Brightwood Academy welcomes Guarded student EMERIL BIJOU-ETIENNE BELMONT ! We are pleased to have you, and are looking forward assisting on your journey to find your Guardian. Remember, you will have 24 hours to submit your blog, or your role will be reopened.
Brightwood Academy welcomes Guarded student ROWENA BLOSSOM GHARIBIAN ! We are pleased to have you, and are looking forward assisting on your journey to find your Guardian. Remember, you will have 24 hours to submit your blog, or your role will be reopened.
Brightwood Academy welcomes Guarded student BRUNO CASTILLO ! We are pleased to have you, and are looking forward assisting on your journey to find your Guardian. Remember, you will have 24 hours to submit your blog, or your role will be reopened.
[ANDY BIERSACK] Brightwood Academy welcomes [FELIX ZEPHYR, 26, HE/THEY]. They come to us from [LA, CA] and are a [GUARDIAN]. They are known to be [CHARMING], but can also be [PROMISCUOUS]. They are a [ - NEW STUDENT]. They are really into [KINKS], but prefer to seer clear of [SCAT, WATERSPORTS] We are pleased to have them join the family here at Brightwood! He is a rock star, allowed to be off campus longer than he was supposed to because he hit the big time with his band. He's been on tour all of this time. Not from a prominent family before the rockstardom.
[Regé-Jean Page] Brightwood Academy welcomes [EMERIL BIJOU-ETIENNE BELMONT, 29, HE/HIM]. They come to us from [ZIMBABWE] and are a [GUARDED]. They are known to be [INTELLIGENT], but can also be [FATALIST]. They are a [ EXISTING STUDENT] with [ALCHEMY ABILITIES]. They are really into [EXPERIMENTAL IDK], but prefer to steer clear of [BATHROOM STUFF] We are pleased to have them join the family here at Brightwood! The council seat holder for Africa. His father wanted him to be perfect and named him as such, putting him through speech therapy for his stutter and forcing the family legacy on him. On his father's deathbed, he swore that he would never be in a serious relationship, let alone carry on the family name. He would be the last Belmont.
[ANGELA SARAFYAN] Brightwood Academy welcomes [ROWENA BLOSSOM GHARIBIAN, 28, SHE/HER]. They come to us from [Yerevan, Armenia] and are a [GUARDED]. They are known to be [A FEMINIST], but can also be [STUBBORN]. They are a [EXISTING STUDENT] with [NATURE CONTROL]. They are really into [KINKS], but prefer to steer clear of [BATHROOM STUFF] We are pleased to have them join the family here at Brightwood! From a prominent family, known for having Guardeds in the family that all have witchy powers. She is known for her global activism and is modeled after Poison Ivy a little bit with her power and how she uses it.
[CARLOS VALDES] Brightwood Academy welcomes [BRUNO CASTILLO, 25, HE/HIM]. They come to us from [COLUMBIA] and are a [GUARDED]. They are known to be [FRIENDLY], but can also be [PESSIMISTIC]. They are a [EXISTING STUDENT] with [FUTURE SIGHT]. They are really into [KINKS], but prefer to steer clear of [BATHROOM STUFF] We are pleased to have them join the family here at Brightwood! From a council seat holding family but he's been exiled/ran away depending on who you ask. His visions are remembered only for the worst cases and people kind of fear him but he's really goofy, helpful, and clumsy. He left the family and has been hiding because he thinks it's for the best.
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tkmedia · 3 years
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Ten things we learned from F1's 2021 British Grand Prix
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Formula 1, the British Grand Prix and a sold out Silverstone – it had the feeling of familiarity after the unknown and empty grandstands since the COVID-19 pandemic took hold. But the 2021 British GP was anything but recognisable, starting on the Thursday with the first showing of a full-scale 2022 F1 car model and then a new weekend format which pivoted around the inaugural sprint qualifying race. It all resulted in a dramatic and controversial victory for Lewis Hamilton after his lap one collision with Max Verstappen which sent the F1 world championship leader into a 51G impact with the tyre barriers. Hamilton recovered from a 10-second time penalty for the incident to reel in shock leader Ferrari's Charles Leclerc and overtake him with just two laps to go – maximising his advantage with Verstappen out and cutting the deficit in the standings to eight points. While penalties and sportsmanship became the major post-race talking points, it created a race weekend jammed with action and memorable moments. Here are 10 things we learned from the 2021 British GP. 1. The first major clash of Hamilton vs Verstappen reveals true rivalry (By Alex Kalinauckas)
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Lewis Hamilton congratulates Max Verstappen after the Red Bull driver's sprint race victory Photo by: Steve Etherington / Motorsport Images It's easy to see why the Lewis Hamilton/Max Verstappen collision at Copse, which put the Red Bull driver out in a scary, high-speed accident, is being described as 'inevitable' – because, really, it was. They have already clashed once in 2021 – at Imola. Then there was Verstappen's divebomb in Spain, plus the ultra-on-the-line close racing between them between Abbey and the approach to Copse in both Silverstone races. But the reason why the grand prix clash ended as it did is precisely because of the championship situation Hamilton faces, as well as the fierce nature of both driver's on-track attitude. Hamilton came into the British GP 33 points down on Verstappen. This isn't 2017-2021, when the Mercedes driver could afford to take a 'big picture' championship-points-tally-consideration view in 50-50 moves. He has more to lose now if something goes wrong, vital ground in a title battle where he has a slower package, so simply cannot afford to give an inch. And that's Verstappen's attitude overall – just look at his reaction to Hamilton getting alongside at Abbey and Brooklands on Sunday. In the crash, Hamilton deserved a penalty for causing the incident, but it was still a fine call. Don't expect this to be the last flashpoint of the 2021 title fight. 2. F1's penalty system needs to be explained better (By Jonathan Noble)
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Lewis Hamilton had to sit stationary in his pitbox for 10s before his mechanics could service him Photo by: Steven Tee / Motorsport Images Red Bull's calls for Lewis Hamilton to be given a race ban for his part in the opening-lap crash with Max Verstappen were always going to fall on deaf ears. But you could fully understand its frustration that the 10-second penalty given to Lewis Hamilton for the clash ultimately cost the world champion nothing. Although it meant he had to fight a bit harder for the victory, he was still able to come home with the full 25 points. While that may seem unfair for Verstappen, who saw his title advantage slashed massively, F1 is quite right not to dish out penalties based on the consequences of offences. For doing it that way could open an even worse scenario where drivers get heavy sanctions for relatively minor rule breaches, but the book thrown at them when a tiny issue has big consequences. What perhaps is most lacking in F1 is actually a definition of driving rules and etiquette – so fans are better able to judge incidents based on the same criteria the stewards use. That would be hugely helpful in preventing the kind of polarised opinions that have engulfed social media in the last 24 hours. 3. A spirited sprint success, but the overall verdict remains to be decided (By James Newbold)
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Max Verstappen, Red Bull Racing RB16B, Lewis Hamilton, Mercedes W12, Valtteri Bottas, Mercedes W12, Charles Leclerc, Ferrari SF21, and the rest of the field at the start Photo by: Steven Tee / Motorsport Images Until the ill-fated clash of the titans at Copse, the weekend's biggest talking point had been F1's inaugural sprint race (let's call it what it was, shall we?) which generated mixed reviews. From "weird" according to Sebastian Vettel) to "I loved it" from Charles Leclerc, just about everybody had their opinion. Many welcomed the added excitement it brought to Fridays and the engineering challenge of getting the set-up nailed in FP1, while others questioned the relevance of FP2 when the cars were in parc ferme conditions which meant evaluating tyres was the only feasible action. The 17-lap distance allowed for variation in tyre strategies which was seized upon by Fernando Alonso, whose star turn on the soft tyres undoubtedly enlivened the proceedings as the race for the top four proved pretty static after the opening lap. F1 now faces a decision over whether to continue its experiment beyond the two further (as yet unconfirmed) sprint events planned for this season and, if so, whether to make further tweaks. Series bosses are encouraged by initial feedback, and have an unspecified "job list" to work through, but can at least be pleased that the format shake-up achieved what it set out to in building anticipation throughout the weekend. 4. Two-day race weekends look realistic option to ease pressure on growing F1 calendar (JNob)
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Lewis Hamilton, Mercedes, waves to fans after securing pole Photo by: Andy Hone / Motorsport Images F1's first sprint race trial at the British Grand Prix can be viewed as an overall success. The boost in audience figures on Friday, plus increased interest for the Saturday 17-lap dash that provided a few spills and thrills, were exactly what F1 chiefs wanted. Sure there are some things that need improving – like the issue of Saturday's final free-practice being pretty much of no interest to fans on TV – but this is just a case of tidying up rather than starting from a clean sheet of paper. And, of course, the sooner the FIA goes back to awarding pole position in the history books to the fastest driver in Friday qualifying, rather than the winner of the sprint, the better things will be. But the success of the compressed format has also reopened the debate on whether F1 actually needs to stick at three-day weekends. Hamilton suggested a two-day schedule in the future would be the right way to go. It's something that F1 has baulked at in the past, and circuits would certainly not be happy at losing an extra day's ticket sales. But could it be something that proves preferable for some venues in exchange for holding one of F1's Grand Slam sprint weekends? 5. F1 at its best with packed crowds as Silverstone roars again (AK)
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Fans cheer from the grandstands Photo by: JEP / Motorsport Images Questions over the merits of letting a capacity crowd – that totalled 365,000 at Silverstone over the entire British GP weekend – gather during an ongoing pandemic should directed to the UK government, with the track itself understandably just trying to stay afloat in these awful times. But the fans in attendance were treated to an exceptional sporting event. Friday night qualifying produced two exceptional displays from British drivers in front their home fans, with the reaction to George Russell's Q3 lap the highlight for this writer given how the Williams racer was cheered from corner-to-corner. Then the sprint race delivered nicely in terms of an interesting race, even if it wasn't the all-out thriller some claimed. But it did set up a grand prix that fizzled spectacularly throughout – capped by the title rivals colliding and Leclerc nearly holding on for a famous against-the-odds victory. But there's an interesting footnote to Hamilton's victory. Motorsport.com was told there were plenty of new, younger fans seen at Silverstone – with an apparent increase in female spectators too. It will be interesting to see if this can be backed up in official data, but even anecdotally it suggests the 'Netflix effect', as well as Hamilton's laudable efforts to help diversify motorsport are having an impact. And what a race they were treated to, hopefully cementing lifelong motorsport fan status. 6. Leclerc demonstrates Ferrari's resurgence (By Jake Boxall-Legge)
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Charles Leclerc, Ferrari SF21, Lewis Hamilton, Mercedes W12 Photo by: Mark Sutton / Motorsport Images Leclerc was unbelievably close to a surprise victory at the British GP, but there wasn't quite enough in the tank to repel Hamilton's late assault for the lead. But Leclerc had been stellar, and his opportunistic move to clear Hamilton moments after the Verstappen incident rewarded him with the upper hand for the restart. His getaway from the pole spot and subsequent managing of the gap to Hamilton were incredibly well-judged and, despite facing engine cut-out issues while in the lead, Leclerc was able to weather the storm and find enough in reserve to keep Hamilton at bay. The seven-time champion's recovery post-penalty, however, was too much for Leclerc to resist and his slight wide moment at Copse was the only blot on the Monegasque's copybook. Meanwhile, Carlos Sainz Jr's recovery in the sprint and continued progress in the race also showed the pace of the Ferrari in the pack, although his ascent was halted by a slow pitstop. That dropped him behind Daniel Ricciardo, whose McLaren proved to be a tough cookie to overtake. Nonetheless, Ferrari has showed greatly improved form after a disastrous Paul Ricard race, and the upcoming Hungarian GP could be a race in which the Scuderia truly shines. 7. Perez suffers like those before him in Red Bull's second seat (By Haydn Cobb)
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Sergio Perez, Red Bull Racing, and Max Verstappen, Red Bull Racing, on the grid, ahead of the 2022 Formula 1 car unveiling Photo by: Charles Coates / Motorsport Images Sergio Perez appeared to have the Red Bull support role nailed after picking up the pieces to win in Baku and then claim a deserved podium at the next race at Paul Ricard. But after being in the wars in Austria against McLaren's Lando Norris and Leclerc, Perez's performance in the British GP had shades of the struggles Pierre Gasly and Alex Albon endured before the Mexican came to Red Bull's rescue. It must be said it is down to fine margins, but qualifying behind Leclerc on Friday night set the wheels in motion for Perez's downward spiral. Trapped in the midfield battle at the start of the feisty sprint race, he was caught out by dirty air and spun off, to be condemned to the back of the grid for the main event. Despite Red Bull F1 car tweaks made in a bid to aid his retaliation in the grand prix, but also meaning a pitlane start, Perez was making progress until he got stuck in DRS trains and then got impatient and collided with Kimi Raikkonen. A P10 finish was as good as it was going to get until Red Bull sacrificed that solitary point to pit Perez for softs to take the fastest lap point away from Hamilton – even though finishing outside of the top 10 meant he wouldn't earn the point himself. Perez has slipped back to fifth place in the standings and is set to play 'who can be the best support driver' against Valtteri Bottas for the rest of the year. 8. Old dog Alonso makes the most of new tricks (HC) Fernando Alonso, Alpine A521, Lando Norris, McLaren MCL35M, and Sergio Perez, Red Bull Racing RB16B Photo by: Charles Coates / Motorsport Images Alonso demonstrated he's lost none of his racecraft with his stunning start to the sprint. The Alpine driver's charge from 11th to fifth was aided by his soft tyre gamble, but the TV onboard footage was reminiscent of the old Alonso - carving through the pack and finding gaps few others can. As his softs faded and left him seventh for the start of the main event, the double world champion held his nerve against an early attack from Vettel, before his old rival spun off on his inside at Woodcote, and went on to take seventh to extend his points-scoring run to a fifth race. The British GP marks Alonso's last race before his turns 40 and after a steady start to his F1 comeback, slowed by his pre-season training accident and adapting to his Alpine surroundings, he feels fresher and ready – a warning that the old dog has learned new tricks. "After the accident at the beginning of the year, in the first couple of races, there was still a part of the stress of coming back to the sport. I was concerned about the jaw, about the shoulder as well that I had the small injury with," Alonso said after the British GP. "But now, I'm super fit and I am 200%. "Next week is another number. So we'll eat some cake. But apart from that, it's going to be a very normal weekend. I feel 25. So whatever number it says in the passport it's not what I feel." 9. Williams progress clear but Russell is making the difference (JNew)
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George Russell, Williams, waves to fans from Parc Ferme after Qualifying Photo by: Andy Hone / Motorsport Images Hamilton's qualifying triumph on Friday stole the headlines, but one of the biggest cheers from the crowd was reserved for Russell's lap of honour in his one and only Q3 run. The Williams driver made the final segment of qualifying for the third race in a row with the eighth quickest time, raising questions over whether the FW43B should be considered a Q3 car henceforth. The team's head of vehicle performance Dave Robson reckoned it was "a little too early to say whether that's going to be something that's a regular occurrence", admitting he expected Williams would find it harder than in Austria but the "very calm conditions" on Friday evening played to the car's strengths. Despite the Hungaroring requiring a totally different set-up, Robson predicts "there's a good chance we'll be there or there abouts". But even if it's not, Russell can be counted on to make the difference. While his weekend went downhill after qualifying - a first-lap tangle in the sprint with Sainz resulted in a "harsh" three-place grid penalty for the grand prix that he couldn't recover from against cars that remain quicker in race-trim - Russell is in the form of his life right now. "I think there's an element for him of getting on that upward spiral," explained Robson. The question now is, how high can it go? 10. What the 2022 F1 show car hints at (JBL)
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The 2022 Formula 1 car launch event on the Silverstone grid Photo by: Charles Coates / Motorsport Images Although F1's vision for 2022 has been long defined after the unveiling of the all-new regulations (initially planned for 2021) back in 2019, the championship's promoters unveiled a full-size model of its interpretation of next year's chargers. Of course, it came with all the bells and whistles expected for next year: the low-slung nose directly attached to the front wing, the simplified bodywork and focus on ground-effect aerodynamics all featured on the car wrapped in a distinctive holographic livery. That being said, there were a few small differences between the physical model and the render, particularly around the front end; the nose tip sat in the middle of the leading front wing element, rather than protruding beyond them, hinting at the variation the teams can employ. Although F1 elected to pick a representation of next year's rules largely based on aesthetics, it can only be expected that the teams will take a more pragmatic view of the rules and might not necessarily stick to the spirit of them. There's a greater focus on prescribed designs and single-spec components to cut costs and develop the aero effect that F1 has studied and earmarked as the way forward for closer on-track racing, but those effects will surely be a little diluted when it comes to the actual range of cars next year. Regardless, it's an exciting new direction for F1; although some have questioned the necessity of the new rules as 2021 continues to intrigue us all, the British GP still showed the difficulties of racing within the current level of dirty air. The new rules should reduce that problem, should everything go to plan. By Alex Kalinauckas, Jonathan Noble, James Newbold, Jake Boxall-Legge and Haydn Cobb Read the full article
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ok now that i’ve gathered myself and don’t actively want to die as much here are some #DodgerThoughts
I’m putting this first so that y’all don’t have to read this entire thesis if u don’t want to but hey maybe the real prize wasn’t the world series championship but the friendships we made along the way :’-) shout out to the friends i’ve made through baseball (ik i don’t talk to all of u a ton but i consider u friends!)
so @kenleyjansen @checkontherep @kentamaeda @nikesandals @eliteqbalexsmith @alexwccd @kylekuzma @anthonyrizzos @joey-votto @warrenellisisland @sean-rodriguez @buckingfaseball @mitchhaniger @jonathanschoop i love y’all and i’m so glad to know have connected with u :’-) i’m sure this isn’t everyone cause I’m a dumbass but i love u all
ok now as for #BaseballThoughts first of all induct brandon morrow into the hall of fame immediately. he died for us and i love him
thank god the entire world finally got to see Richard Rich Dick Dickington The Rakeman Piss Hands Hill bat. god do i love that man
“dave roberts should be fired” is perhaps the worst take i’ve ever heard. he’s a SECOND YEAR manager who’s taken his teams to game 6 of the nlcs and game 7 of the World Series. you can’t manage your way around your pitching staff completely imploding and the heart of your lineup not being able to square up the ball or even make contact for the majority of the series
Corey suddenly not being able to lay off That Pitch was fucking weird. i don’t remember him struggling with pitch selection like this ever in the regular season. i have to assume that either the pressure of the series got to him (he’s a little iffy in big spots a lot of the time bless his little heart) or that all the time he missed at the end of the year and through the nlcs messed him up.
Cody looked tired. understandable cause he’s just a baby. really sad that this is how the year ends for him and that this is what the general public is gonna think about him until he proves them wrong on a big stage next year
Don’t know what the fuck happened to turner so if anyone can explain that i’d appreciate it
also basically the whole offense not being able to hit fastballs in the middle of the zone? that was fucked up. why are u fouling that pitch off assholes
so so sad for yu. obv in hindsight he shouldn’t have started but i understand Dave’s reasoning. I️ really do hope they can resign him to a reasonable contract and they can fix the pitch tipping cause he should get another chance to do better with this team
i love alex wood. I’m so proud of him
also yasiel puig. obviously things didn’t go as well in this series but he made most of this postseason SO fun and i am so so proud of everything he’s done
sorry this is getting so emo but oh my god do i love Clayton Kershaw. my heart truly breaks for him. he deserves a championship more than anyone in the game and instead all he has is this shitty fucking playoff narrative. idk about y’all and ik it probably sounds ridiculous because his numbers were incredible and he’s very much in cy young contention but i felt something was off with him pretty much all year, just really sad that it ended like this. here’s to hoping that he’s in good health next year and gets the slider back and shakes the stupid narrative for once and for all
austin barnes? the best catcher in baseball. buster posey whom? yasmani grandal is literally dead, may he Rest In Peace
Christopher Armand Taylor Jr. is an ICON and a HERO and a STAR and a GIFT. like literally a gift shoutout to the mariners i mean what the fuck but thanks so much. also noah fence but shout out to ME for believing in christ taylord when no one else did
some of this is my bias i’m sure but i’m SO disappointed with the way this series was broadcast. i wanted everyone to know how magical and beautiful and heartbreaking and record setting this season has been for the dodgers but approximately zero of that was mentioned. also would have liked to see the “the dodgers bought their way here” narrative addressed cause how are u suppose to know that that’s factually inaccurate and stupid if all the broadcasters talk about is the other team’s underdog narrative.
there’s no reason to think that we won’t be back here next year! there’s so much to look forward! surely some wild fuckin offseason moves, a full season of Cody Bellinger and Chris Taylor and Austin Barnes as the starting catcher (I️ assume?) , walker buehler starting major league baseball games, verdugo probably, joc’s continued progress, hopefully our dear sweet julio coming back in the second half, Corey seager continuing to be the best young shortstop in baseball, Clayton Kershaw continuing to be the best pitcher on earth, kenley continuing to be the best closer in the game, etc.
Carlos Correa is literally a toddler why is he engaged
a good 25% of my posts are about this but i can’t go 30 seconds without mentioning it so i would just like to remind u all that Corey seager is SO BEAUTIFUL and an ABSOLUTE DREAMBOAT and i love his HEARTY THIGHS
it’s possible that I’m just being more critical cause of the intense nature of these games but holy shit some of the strike zone calling in this series was awful!! I mean shockingly stunningly bad! and not even in a “bad strike calls hurt my team” way cause the calls affected both teams negatively and positively (except for game 5 but let’s not talk about that) but holy god there were some aggregious calls in this series. Rob Manfred do something right for once in ur life and implement the robot strike zone cause u can’t have huge games like this being affected by stupid subjectivity like this
the gurriel thing really put a damper on this whole series imo. suspending him for next year does absolutely nothing other than say “if you’re gonna do something racist, do it in the World Series”. suspending and fining him for one WS game would have actually meant something and probably wouldn’t have affected the outcome of the series based on how we played game 7. fuck Rob Manfred
I’ve never been much of a Juiced Balls Believer but holy shit this series raised some questions. I mean what the fuck. All i have to say is what the fuck
starting a gofundme campaign to get me seats right behind the dodger dugout for opening day next year so i can yell at Corey to get a helmet that will stay on his GODDAMN HEAD
@ dodgers front office please go get otani. please. please. please. please. please
if u read this entire thing 1) congrats that’s some resolve u have there and 2) thanks love u
sorry this is incredibly all over the place and disjointed but just wanted to get everything out there so i can grieve with a clear mind thanks for coming to my ted talk
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theadgrodcast · 4 years
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Manchego Brothers Part 2: Who cut the cheese?
Narrator
Ladies and gentleman return to your seats.
The lights have flashed
it’s time for the second half
If you noticed it wasn’t over before
the episode you heard
there’s so much more
to tell… That’s right, it’s me, your intro man
and I’m back to start
the story again
Let’s do a little quick recap…
We have the Manchego Brothers
They were brilliant inventors
From Spain
and they were featured at the world’s fair
until that financier came.
Randall Hogan Sparkwell
And sent their dreams into hell
let’s pick up where we last left off
It seemed like the brothers were going to have a face off
Chuckie
No! Earl Bradley what happened to you?!
Why would you ever do
and put yourself through
into a tiny little can
so you will no longer be an organic man?
Well suddenly the door opened up
and then I realized that I was completely wrong
There stood before me
right before my very eyes
Was Earl Bradley
Still an organic guy
And then I realized the guy in the can
was that evil man
That financier man
Randall Hogan Sparkwell
He was here to raise holy hell
It was time for him to be
Beyond what any man had ever been
And now he’s taking himself
and put himself in a can
And now we’re about to have some combat
Hand to hand!
(Spoken)
Earl! Earl! It’s me Chuckie! I haven’t seen you in years. I thought you were in there with all the metal and gears. but no!
It’s Randall Hogan Sparkwell
and he’s here to raise holy hell!
Earl Bradley
Oh no Chuckie!
I never meant it to be
I never meant for him to hurt you
Or your sweet lady or me.
Oh no!
I thought I was doing was right.
I thought I was fighting the fight
for the Fascist right!
But I wrong
All along
I couldn’t see
how everything they would do
would ruin you and me!
You were so smart to leave
But we’re taking to long
Cause Randall Hogan Sparkwell
Is here singing a song
(Whirring)
Randall Hogan Sparkwell
Full charge!
I powered up!
I’m Randan Hogal Sparkwell
Shut up!
I’m here to finish all you men
and take your invention
and sell it again!
I’ve made myself stronger than you’ll ever be
I’ve made myself strong enough to fly across the sea
I could take out all of the allies
In one swift raise of my eyes!
Cause lasers shoot out
And take’em down
And shoot down the planes
That fly all around
I’ll shoot down the boats
The day they come
and land on our shores
Some day in December
Chuckie
And I thought this was the end for me
Chuckie & my sweet lady
But then Earl Bradley
he jumped on that fiend!
and he held on to his mechanical neck!
And he started to swing!
And he started to whack!
The robot
the robot
Randall Hogan Sparkwell
He hit him a lot!
And the battle raged
what felt like a Dinkl-age
and the battle went on
and the battle it raged
What could I do?
I stood there in fear
Didn’t know who
to help or where to steer
I look at my brother right there
And the past flew by
I saw my life flash before my eyes!
But then I realize
What I must do
I had to stop that man
from hurting all of you
So I took myself
I took my brain
I put it inside 
of another tin can!
And I started to tinker
and my mind it grew weaker.
(Whirring)
(Spoken) What? Where am I? Oh God, that’s right! I’ve got to stop this uneven fight. Arrrrgggh! On step after one step, just let all the synapses connect! Rawr! I am Chuckie!!!
Randall hogan Sparkwell
No! No! No one stops Randall Hogan Sparkwell!
Narrator
And the battle raged on and on
and the two robots fought on
They fought each other
as hard as they could
They hit each other
and banged on their hood
The threw them through walls
they threw them through towers
They used all of their robotic
kinetic powers
They shot out lasers
they shot out tasers.
The battle seemed to go on
for days, and dayzers!
Earl Bradley
Stand in shock
What could he do?
He didn’t have a robot body
To put himself into
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGgghgggghghgghghhhg!
That were the two
robots falling into
the water below
Because they’re fighting over a river
Did you know?
I didn’t say that earlier
I’m saying it now
And they fought down
into the deep bowels
Of the water below
and into the river bed
They fought and fought,
but they never were dead
Cause they can
Breath under the sea
because they have robotic energy
And then a rocket took them into a sky
And they started to fight and fight so high
Through the clouds and atmosphere
into the space
and to the rear
of the universe
We can see
Two celestial BODD’s
Bodies fighting
One another
When down on earth sat an organic brother
Earl Bradley sat below
Wondering what else he could do
There was nothin much that he could ever do
because he was sitting there
made of skin like you
skin like you!
And a great explosion
blasted in the sky
It was so bright
It blinded every eye!
But only temporarily
Cause can’t you see
What had happen was
an explosion with Chuckie.
He’s dead.
Beauty
Oh no!
Oh no!
Well this is the voice of the sweet lady
who fell in love with that guy Chuckie
He was Carlos before
and Charles after that
But after we went to America
and that was that
He became CHUCKE
That’s right Chuckie
Manchego
And didn’t you know we got married
And that makes me a
Manchego!
How could I ever live?
I’m about to give
Birth to a baby
It’s not a maybe
Did you not notice this hump
and this bump
in front of me?
Well that is B
A B Y
Baby!
That’s gonna come out in month or two
What are you gonna do?
Earl Bradley?
Are you gonna take care of me?
Earl Bradley
I guess I have to
Cause I am the brother
and you don’t have any other
Than me Earl Bradley
I’ll take care of you and that baby
We’re gonna move to America soon.
Maybe somewhere in the NYC
Or somewhere in the Minnesota arE-a
I’m not sure where to go
You know more than I do
Because you went there with my brother who…
Wait! Wait!
That’s right! I make a copy of everything I make!
Wait! Wait!
I made a copy of something I think you’ll think it’s great!
Unfortunately
the organic body
of Chuckie
was just disintegrated.
When he made himself into a robot that time
But just listen to one more rhyme
The lady that Chuckie married
Guess what? 
We don’t have to bury a memory.
Narrator
And he started to tinker.
He started to tinker
He started to tinker less lazily than that.
25 years
after the war of the gears
we see an old man sitting right here
eating a delicious slice of cheese pizza
and the show is about to begin at the local Chuckie Cheesa’s
That’s right!
The curtain opens and we soon see
the memory of Chuckie didn’t die for he
No! He lives on!
In this robot
signing a song
fashioned after the rat Enrique!
(Spoken)
That’s right! Earl Bradley, he joined up with Hannibal the Cannibal to create a pizzeria and that eventually turned into a kids place called Chuckie Cheese’s after, it was named after his brother.
And then it pans out in modern day
and some guys stands up and says
Hey, hey, hey!
What did you think of that commercial pitch
for Chuckie Cheeses?
Do you like it?
Does it pleases?
Your senses?
Does it please your pocket?
I think you're really gonna like it.
When you see it on the video screen
Cause you know Hamilton’s a thing.
And everyone is really into musicals.
Did you not know that?
So let’s take advantage.
And we’re gonna make a musical commercial
for Chuckie Cheese
And its gonna be hysterical
and it will please all of the kiddies
They’re going to loo at their parents
and say…
Please please
Take me to Chuckie Cheese
Take me to Chuckie Cheese!
I want to play in the ball pit
and eat the pizza
and play all of it
and take the tickets
to the window and get the doll
that is a replica
of Randall Hogan Sparkwell
Randall Hogan Sparkwell!
(Sparkwell)
This in the memory of Enrique.
For you see
I’m a descendant of the Manchego cheese
and I opened up an advertising business
and I opened up an advertising business
so I could keep the memory…
I think that’s that end.
I think it’s over.
Everyone.
The lights have come up.
Get the fuck outta here!
Reprisal?
Give us a Tony!
Can’t you see?!
That this is the best musical on tv!
Everything is seen on a screen
Cause no one want’s to go out anymore
because it’s obscene
The masks on your face
allow you to enter into a place
Do you remember
when they made it so
that you had to wear
pants on your below?
Jazz AF
Skiddily bop. Skiddily boo
What do you do
when they don’t want to serve you
when you breathe
put on a thing
it’s called a MASK
it saves you and me
Don’t ever walk
into a store
if you don’t have something
over your whore
mouth
Don’t ever walk
into a place
unless you have covering
over your whore
face
That’s right
You need’em tight
to keep the respiratory droplets in
so that someone doesn’t get sick
and the COVID 1 9 starts to begin
It takes root inside of you
so that’s why you have to be cool
and where a mask too.
It’s not for you
It’s for them
All women and men
and the little tiny children
so it don’t give it to them
Do you remember when
you could walk into a store
with your bare butt-ox
and no one ever say
that you gotta get on out
You could peruse for hours
with your ding-a-ling
just a swinging thing
in the wind ding ding
That’s right you didn’t have to wear a shirt
back in 1962
but now you do
and it hurts!
It keeps the oxygen
form leaving my armpits
I’m not operating
at an example I could be at
you got to see
the sweat all over me
if I didn’t have this on
I would be glistening
Don’t make me put on pants
don’t make me a wear a shirt
don’t make me wear a mask
because it really really hurts
my oxygen levels
have fallen below a thousand
before that
they were five thousand
now I gotta put a mask on
because I got a task on
me,
and it’s taking away my freedoms
can’t you see
No! Fuck you man!
Listen. Just fuck you!
Put on a mask
it’s easy to do
you just have it on
when there is more than two.
In a target or a khols.
Cause that is the goal
to make sure no one dies
or gets sick anymore.
alright I’m done with this! End this episode! Adam, end the episode please!
I never forgot about the fucking squirrels Adam!
This guy’s over here eating brunswick stew.
Made of squirrels
that you see when their jumping from tree
to shining tree
their picking up the nuts
for the wintergreen
and they’re saving them until
Adam so obscene
he grabs them by tail
they scream and wail
he puts them in bucket
he puts in them a pail
puts some water in
and it starts to heat up
and it starts to boil
and he draws a cup
of that brunswick stew
the original dew
like they used to do
in Brunswick stew
ooooo
ooooo
ooooo
Adam
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Chuckie Cheese Sponsor us
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ellie-mayflower · 7 years
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rado4ka replied to your post “Gasly needs as much F1 experience as possible before next year +...”
Oh please, none of the previous drivers who get a seat in TR get real race experience before their actual season starts. It has always been only tests and Friday Practice. RB is just totally disrespecting and breaking the guy again. Which is why the hysteria. Also if Honda decides to put their own driver (by paying whoever they need to) Dany's place is going to be gone. But considering Toro Rosso's work on Dany's side in the garage this year, they've been planning... …the swap long time ago. That Singapore incident now makes sense. I’m sure they told him he’s gonna be swapped for Gasly, hence, the nerves and the mistake. Sam stuff like 2016    
Vettel was given Scott’s seat at the end of 2007 before he did a complete season in 2008 and Alguersuari was given Bourdais’ seat with several races to go in 2009 before his first complete season, and it was a massive help to the team each time. Sure, each situation was/is different because the drivers/circumstances were different but Toro Rosso has always given junior drivers more than one full season to prove themselves and I understand completely if you can’t stomach the way the Red Bull junior program works but I look at how other teams handle bringing in young drivers (if they bother with it at all) and I don’t see their approach getting them to a situation where a QUARTER of all drivers on the grid are from their program.
Should Vettel/Dan/Max/Carlos/Dany/Pierre have waited until they were 25 to start, like Stoffel? Gone through the revolving door at McLaren like Checo or Kevin? Been a Ferrari young driver like Lance (and Checo too actually IIRC) and end up having to rely on their parents’ personal fortune to buy them a chance? To say nothing of a shot at the first team.
Dany’s fantastic. He’s wonderful. He’s got such heart and such determination. To be demoted like that and keep going despite it all, to be publicly humiliated like that but then show up that weekend and still fight. I mean, of course it’s a shitty situation. To see how well Carlos is doing and to see other teams courting him and then to see Red Bull refuse to let Carlos go, to know that if Carlos wasn’t being loaned out then there’s no doubt that he’d be kept on and Pierre would be taking Dany’s own seat. He knows his performance isn’t up to scratch and he knows he can’t blame all of it on technical issues. 
Honda’s only real potential driver literally won’t be eligible for a super license for at least another full season right? He has 4 out of the 40 required points and this isn’t the Bernie show anymore, I really truly can’t see any sort of bribe swaying the FIA enough (simply because it would be so glaringly obvious and in full view of the public) to overlook that many missing points.
And other than Pierre there are no other eligible RB juniors waiting in the wings, so Dany will have another year now at Toro Rosso to make the case for himself and even though I don’t think we’ll see him at Red Bull again it’s a chance to get himself a seat somewhere else, just like academy players in every other sport.
But considering Toro Rosso's work on Dany's side in the garage this year, they've been planning the swap long time ago
I mean if you truly believe that they sabotaged him or that his mechanics somehow didn’t put in as much effort as the ones on Carlos’ side - when every last point is priceless to Toro Rosso this year, or rather not priceless but worth a literal giant heap of money - then okay, there’s nothing anyone can say that will convince you otherwise.
But like... in all of this I just don’t see the supposed motive for “disrespecting and breaking the guy down.” Why keep him at all then? They could’ve brought in Gasly this year or even brought in somebody else. Marko’s hardly the sort of guy to keep someone around for sentimental reasons. Why risk angering the Russian market? Why not axe him completely the way they did with all those other drivers? After Gasly they may have a problem because there’s no clear next-in-line but they could have easily slotted Gasly in last year and figured out a way to either keep Carlos happy or used this year to get someone else ready to take over in case one of the other three decide to leave. Either way they always have Buemi as a reserve driver. 
I just mean that we’ve seen Marko when he doesn’t believe a driver is owed any more chances and that’s not what this feels like. To me at least.  
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